#i wrote you a very long message but tumblr gave me an error when i tried to save it the first time and i literally cried

[taeyungie]

hi, i don't really know who to tell this to but i saw you answer that last anon so kindly so...here i am. i just feel so lonely recently here. friends i would speak to daily, our messages became fewer and fewer. i know the pandemic and everything makes things harder on everyone but i just feel so alone. other friends i had here have deactivated without even saying anything. i just feel almost like a stranger here now. out of place in a way. like i just don't belong.

oh, hello sweetheart. first of all thank you so much for reaching out and trusting me enough to talk about this, i really appreciate that ❤️

i'm not sure if what I'll say will comfort you in any way but I'll do my best. i apologize if that's not what you were looking for, since i'm not in my best mindset right now either, my mind is kinda fogged and my approach isn't 100% positive right now, i hope you understand... but I'll do my best.

i really, truly understand you. i really understand every emotion you wanted to express through your message, and i'm so sorry that you have to go through this. i know how hard it is, we tell ourselves that we're overreacting and we try to balance everything and always do our best, but always having all these bad thoughts at the back of our heads that are never giving us time to breathe. it's this inner sense that tells us we don't matter to anyone and that no one cares if we're here or not. and i honestly can tell you that i know that this drop of activity on tumblr really did make everything so much worse, everyone has felt the impact of it, this is also why a lot of people leave/don't feel happy here anymore. because as much as there's still this small group of people around, it still feels kinda empty? but sometimes i tell myslef that those who were on tumblr for years now feel more upset because we're not used to this feeling, we're not used to tumblr being this quiet, and it makes us feel weird, like we don't belong here, like people don't care anymore.

i think that people come and go, you know. i absolutely understand that friends online mean sometimes so much and we don't want to lose them, i know how attached we can get to each other. but it's not that important, because no matter how quiet it will be - we will always belong here, this small community where we share the passion and love is the place exactly where we should be and where we will always belong. there's always place for everyone and no one should feel excluded, because people come and go, and as simple as it sounds... unfortunately, it's just the internet, people sometimes don't have time to stay active anymore, maybe they don't enjoy being here anymore, maybe they found something that makes them much happier or they simply lost the interest, there's a lot of reasons. but it will always eventually happen, to you, me, and everyone else who's here now, we all will leave and won't come back at some point. some people have this amazing luck to get in touch with their online friends in real life, but if we don't - that's okay too, because we still made a lot of memories and had so much fun together. moving on from something shouldn't be always a bad thing, thinking about things like this we should only relieve good memories, but it's never okay to hold onto your past, no matter if it's good or bad. in situations like this it's always the best to think about yourslef first, to take care of yourslef in the first place, sometimes a break is a good idea too. because our health and well being is always a first priority, and sometimes being on social media will only make it worse, especially when you feel that way.

it's important to give yourslef time, to be upset and sad as much as we need because we need to be able to release all these emotions. give yourslef a couple days, maybe weeks, or months if you feel like it. if you work or go to school, try to focus on that but don't let it make you more stressed and sad, your mental health always comes first. if there's anyone you could spend time with in real life, just to distract you - please do that. try to not escape from people, i know it's exhausting and you won't feel like you want anyone else near you but it's so important. because loneliness is tricky, and it'll tell you that you don't have anyone but at the same time it won't let you go to anyone. please also remember to eat properly, you have to have the energy. but always just give yourslef time to recharge first, sleep as much as you need and rest. do only things that you enjoy at the moment, don't push yourslef to do anything even if you usually like doing it hoping it'll make you feel better, because sometimes it doesn't work. skip using social media, in this cade using tumblr, because that's the main source of your feelings right now, so please just give yourslef time off of it. as hard as it is to stay away from it (i'm honestly going through the same thing rn because i desperately need few days off haha) you have to make sure to not use it for majority of your day. and it'll get better, i promise ❤️

there are always people coming in on tumblr, there will always be someone who will be looking for friends too, it's so easy to meet people here. even if you lose connection with your current friends there always will be someone who will love to stay by your side, because you're a lovely person who's worth all the attention and love ❤️ remember that you'll always belong here. it'll be all good in the end ❤️

[keiwritesstuff]

Hopeless

Ishikawa Yuki AU

Summary : When the pieces started to fall together, she knew she had no choice but to let him go.

Genre :  slice of life, angst

Notes :  long.  Self-indulgent. 3rd person POV. Not sure if I got the characterization  right. I wrote this all in one night. Not proofread, so there might be  misspelled words and grammatical errors. Based on a prompt. Best read on pc/laptop/browser (if you’re on your phone), since the layout changes when it’s read/opened on the phone tumblr app.

When did she start noticing it?

Was is sometime after their relationship reached the eighth month?

Or was it when he started showing strange signs or started doing things that were very much unlikely for him to do?

                                                         +++

Even before they started dating, when they were just friends, Yuki had always listened. Whether she’s venting, or just simply talking about how her day was; he would always, always listen.

And so, when she caught him staring into space that day, just as she was   talking about her thoughts on one of the matches she recently watched, she felt a little odd.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

He shook his head lightly. “I’m just a little bit exhausted. I stayed up watching the team’s past matches. For reference.”

She chuckled. That sounds just like him. Always finding opportunities to   improve. He never thought of anything or anyone lightly. He always believes that there is always something new to learn from everyone regardless of age and experience.

She gave him a little smile and brushed her fingers lightly against his cheek. “You’ll do well. Your teammates got your back. You know that, right?”

He nodded.

And she brushed off the odd feeling. Yuki was just being…. Yuki.

_________________________________________________________

On  their date the following week, Yuki suggested that they go to their usual place for dinner; a restaurant with tatami rooms for private dining, surrounded by luxurious green landscaping to cater to the demands of the many wealthy patrons who frequent the restaurant. She’s not used to at all, since she grew up in an ordinary, middle-class family, but the food is heavenly, and the restaurant provides a safe space for the both of them to spend some time together.

Yuki was reading the menu, seeming unsure of what he would have that evening.  He was probably being cautious of his diet, she thought.

“I think I’ll have the usual.” she spoke first while Yuki was still scanning the menu. It’s the same food that she always had every time they went to the restaurant. Yuki was the one who suggested it when he first brought her to this restaurant, and she was teased a lot by him for not wanting to try anything else other than that particular menu, to the extent where he no longer needed to ask her what she would have whenever they go to this place for a meal.

She stifled a laughter when she remembered how Yuki used to tease her all   the time about it, how he used to attempt to steal her food and cutely asked her to finish the tomatoes in his plate, and how they often argued about the secret ingredients in the menu. This restaurant held all those memories.

She was happily smiling at the thought, until Yuki asked,

“Hold on… which one is it again?”

_________________________________________________________

Two weeks.

They didn’t see each other for two weeks after that last date. Yuki had a busy schedule, filled with practice, meetings, interviews and photoshoots. It wasn’t the first time they couldn’t see each other for a long period of time.

But it was the first time that Yuki couldn’t respond to a lot of her calls.

She was probably calling at the wrong time. His schedule usually ends at 10 p.m, but he must’ve had extended meetings with his manager after that. Or he just wanted to rest. After all, not all of her calls were left unanswered. He did answer some of it. And as she suspected, he was just exhausted. Of course he was. After all, he was the team’s ace.

She understood her position. She understood his as well. This is as normal as their relationship would allow. Who he is… does not allow them to  have what other couples have. They could not have that stroll at a park under the cherry blossom trees. They could not have those cheesy movie dates. They could not even go to the beach to watch the sun set, since there is a high risk of fans and paparazzi finding him.

Regardless, she was content. She loves him, and she would go above and beyond to  make sure his career is not jeopardized by their relationship in any   way, even if it means that she could not eat sundaes on broad daylight with Yuki.

                                                           +++

[Hey, how was your day? How was practice?]

She texted him.

[It was good.]

Came his reply.

[Did you have fun? Is Takahashi still messing with you since that day you accidentally ate his bread? Haha]

He responded,

[No, not really.]

Strange. It wasn’t like him to give that kind of replies. He usually would talk a  lot, even in his texts. He would vent about how his teammates kept teasing him for being so popular, or how much he wanted to eat greasy, deep-fried food.

This time, it was really strange.

[Hey.. are you alright?]

She hit ‘send’.

Two minutes later, a reply came.

[Yeah. Just dead tired. I’ll talk to you later, okay? I’m going to bed. Good night.]

_________________________________________________________

This went on for a week more. The short replies, the unanswered calls, the brief conversations. To say that she was not upset was clearly a lie, since things weren’t like that before. And it’s not like he didn’t respond to her calls and texts AT ALL. He did. It’s just that.. it has become somehow different.

Or was she the one who became strange? Has she become… clingy? Could it just be her mind playing tricks on her? Or perhaps… this is what to be expected when one is dating a famous athlete?

Then again, beggars can’t be choosers.

She should be more understanding of his job. She should be supportive. There are things that she herself has not understood yet about how the industry works and she’s sure that Yuki already has a lot on his plate. He isn’t just an athlete. He is an ambassador, a representative, and to an extent, an idol to many.

She shouldn’t ask too much of him.

_________________________________________________________

It  was on one Friday morning where she had to call in sick after waking up in  shock, immediately running to the toilet and vomiting. She knew right away that she caught a high fever.

Has she not been taking care of her health lately? Was she stressed at work?

Overthinking?

Regardless,  with shaking hands, and with the little consciousness she had left, she left a voice message for a close friend. She had promised him that she’d join him in a co-op expedition on Monster Hunter later that night.

“Hey, Yuji.. I can’t join you tonight.. high fever.. Need to rest. Sorry.. I’ll join you some other time, okay?”

With that, she hung up, mustered as much strength as she could, pulled up the covers and fell into an uneasy sleep.

                                                         +++

She was awoken by the sound of plates being handled. Her eyes shot open.

Burglar?

Terrified,  she turned around slowly, only to breathe out a sigh of relief when she  saw the person in her house. She had forgotten that she gave him the  spare keys to her house.

“Gosh..Yuki.. You scared me..”

“Oh, hey, you’re awake.” he replied, arranging something on the kitchen counter.

“W..what  time is it? How long have I been sleeping?” her hand roamed around for  her phone. She found it and checked the time. To her surprise, she was  out cold for a good seven hours and it’s already 3 in the evening. She  groaned. Her whole body still felt heavy, but that sleep was very much  needed.

“Are you alright?”

Yuki came to her and sat next to her on the bed.

On his lap, was a bowl of soup.

She stared at the bowl, and then.. at her boyfriend.

“Did you come here and….cook?”

“Yes..?  And.. I know you’re sick and all, but how come I only found out about it from Nishida? Why didn’t you call me?” he asked out of sheer curiosity while helping her to sit up straight. She remembered the phone call this morning.  “Oh.. I told him I couldn’t join our gaming session tonight.. he needed help taking down a boss. I didn’t have much strength to call anyone after that.”

“Taking down a boss..? Is it that important? You guys are ridiculous.” he teased.

She let out a weak chuckle. “Hey, Shara Ishvalda is not ridiculous. What’s ridiculous is you, suddenly showing up in my place after God knows how long we haven’t properly talked to each other.”

She meant is as a joke, but despite the fever flowing painfully in her veins and biting painfully at her joints, she could still notice the change in his expression. Oops. Did she say something wrong?

“I understand you’re busy. I shouldn’t ask too much of you.” she added, but  Yuki was silent. The expression on his face was unreadable.

Was  he upset?  What exactly happened to him lately? Is he exhausted?   Stressed? What is he hiding from her? Was something bothering him? Was it work?

Was it guilt?

Her thoughts were cut off when Yuki handed her a spoon. “I hope it tastes okay.” he spoke.

“Well... unfortunately, my tongue is currently deprived of its senses… and therefore, I deem your soup…”

She took a sip and imitated Gordon Ramsey’s face expression as best as she could,  “…mediocre in terms of its taste.”

Her attempt to lighten up the mood worked.

Yuki was laughing softly.

Ah, there he was. Her Yuki.

The person who had made her heart pound like a  drum, the man who  often put others before him, the man who made her realize just how much she could love someone. She hasn’t seen that smile for such a long time. She missed that smile.

She missed him.

All  she could do was stare at the man in front of her. With trembling fingers, she touched his cheek. “I missed this, Yuki. I missed you.” she said meekly. He took her hand in his own, but was silent for some time before saying,

“I’m here.”

“I know you’re busy. I know people expect a lot from you. I know you tend to carry the burden all on your own. I respect that. But-- I also  want you to know that if you need any help, all of us are here for you. Me, your teammates, your family.. I want you to always remember that  you---”

Yuki’s phone on the night stand vibrated, signalling an incoming call.

Yuki immediately answered the phone call and walked towards the kitchen, where she couldn’t hear him.

It  was a short phone call. After it ended, Yuki went back to sit next to her on the bed. But this time, she could no longer form any words.

As  much as she was surprised that she was interrupted mid-conversation,   she couldn’t stop the chills that ran down her spine. Immediately, that feverish burn in her veins was replaced by something much, much more agonizing, and she could feel blood rushing to her head, trying to make sense of what she had seen.

She saw the caller ID, and she knew who it was.

She knew that name. She noticed that Yuki probably didn’t realize that she had already seen it, considering how he was trying to act normal after that phone call, but somehow… just somehow…

Everything started to fall into place. Everything started to make sense.

_________________________________________________________

Of  all Yuki’s friends and teammates, only a few had personally known her.  She had grown close to Yuji after she and Yuki started dating (especially when he found out both of them loved games), and Takahashi texts her every now and then, spilling tea about the things her boyfriend do during training, and sometimes sent her pictures of young Yuki because he absolutely loved it when she teased Yuki about it.

Masa, though, is the only one who knew her way before she met Yuki. In fact, he was the reason they met in the first place. She and Masa coincidentally shared the same social circle, and their passion and interest in volleyball and manga made them friends.

When  Masa heard her voice over the phone in all seriousness, he knew   something had definitely happened. She was not the type who talks about what happens in her relationship to others. She had always tried to resolve any conflicts on her own first. It was her way of protecting herself and Yuki.

When she had finished talking, he became silent, mainly due to shock and disbelief. Several things were running through his mind. What was Yuki doing? Has that boy lost his mind?

“Or maybe I’m the one overthinking? I’m not sure what to think of anymore, Masa.” she spoke. She wanted to believe that she was indeed overthinking. That she saw wrong. That everything happened was either just a coincidence or just Yuki feeling exhausted because of work. She wanted to believe in Yuki.

But it was hard. It was hard when the pieces just somehow…fit together.

“Hey,  I’ll try and talk to him somehow and find out what’s going on. You should try to calm down and save your worries for later, okay?” he assured her.

They  had been friends for a long time. She knew she could count on him.   Plus, Yuki had always looked up to Masa. If there is anyone in the team who could get Yuki to talk about his feelings and thoughts in all honesty, it would definitely be Masa. She trusts him.

She trusts his judgment.

She wished she didn’t.

Because four days later, she received a phone call from Masa, confirming all her worst fears.

_________________________________________________________ 

Other than the restaurant, they have another secret spot where they could meet without the prying eyes of others.

It  was at a small, empty playground on the hills. During daytime, the place would be crowded with children and the elderly who found the place suitable for walks and light jogs. At night, the playground is completely silent due to its not-so-close distance from the nearest neighborhood, and because of it’s location on the hills, the playground is a lot colder and eerier at night.

It was ideal enough for Yuki and her. They would sit on the swings and talk about many things while looking at the view from the hills. On colder nights, they would stay in his car, eating snacks and enjoy each other’s company. She was happy enough to have him next to her, healthy and smiling. She couldn’t ask for more.

This  time, however, when she looked at him as he got out of his car and   walked towards her, she knew that she will no longer be able to even ask  for anything more.

“Hey,” she started.

“Hey,” he replied the same.

No hugs. No kisses.

It had really dawned on her that everything was ending right there and then.

Where do they start?

Where do things start to end?

Can it end quickly?

It’s starting to feel really, really painful.

She looked at him. Stared at him. His eyes, that see the best in everyone.  His nose, that he loves to scrunch. His lips.. that had showered her with soft kisses. His hands... that had given her warmth for so many times.

How did things turn out this way?

But  she knew she had to do it. It had to be done. What’s the use of a having a relationship if only one of them is committed to it?

“You know I’m breaking up with you, right?”

The words unexpectedly came out smoothly. She didn’t know she could be so… composed.

Inside, however, she felt as if every inch of her was slashed with a knife.

It seemed that he had already anticipated it. She could read the expression he wore on his face.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” she asked.

He paused for some time. And lightly nodded.

She  stared at the view. The city used to look so vibrant from where they were. Now, it just looks like random lights piling on top of each other.

It’s making her dizzy.

She turned around to face the other way.

Calm down. Calm down.

“I figured it out early on.” she added.

She heard Yuki taking a deep breath. He didn’t look at her.

Guilt.

He was about to say her name, but she was quick to stop him. “No. Don’t. Don’t apologize. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t..need to hear it. I already know you’re sorry, Yuki.”

Don’t call my name. This is already hard . If you call my name, I’m not sure if I would be able to let you go.

“Instead  of saying you’re sorry… I just hope that you would treat her better.   Treat her nicely. Appreciate her. Respect her. Make things work, no matter what happens.”

Yuki stayed silent, and she continued,

“I realized that it is no use holding on to you, on this relationship, when it’s obvious that your heart is clearly with someone else.”

Breathe. It is for the best. Breathe.

“And  so, Ishikawa Yuki… I release you from this bond.” she spoke. Her lips formed a little smile, attempting to diffuse the heavy tension in the air. Yuki could only stare at her, wondering how could she stay cheerful despite  knowing what he had done. He was amazed at how calm and level-headed she  was at that moment despite the obvious pain in her voice.

“So..  you should go now. Tell her that we broke it off. Assure her, and yourself, that we ended things on good terms. And move on, Yuki. I will move on as well.”  she spoke again, giving him a light push on the shoulder.

Go. Please, just go.

“I… I can’t just leave you here.” he finally spoke.

“I won’t be here all night, silly. My car is right there, and  I have work tomorrow.” she chuckled.

Breathe. Breathe. Just… breathe.

Their eyes met for the last time, and with a strain in his voice, Yuki finally said, “Thank you. For everything.”

She forced a smile.

It  felt like an eternity. When will this end?

She smiled, almost bitterly.  “Go.” she insisted.

And he did. She watched his back as he walked away. She watched him as he got into his car. And she waved her hand lightly as he drove off.

Breathe.

However,  as soon as his car was out of sight, her knees buckled, and she knelt on the the ground. Biting her hand, she tried to stifle her cry as much as she could as she could no longer stop the tears streaming down her face.

It hurts. It hurts!

Help me. Anyone. Please. It hurts..

Please stop this pain.

How did things turn out this way? What did she do wrong? What exactly went wrong? What could’ve she done better?

Did she not love him enough?

Why couldn’t he give her his heart?

What did she do wrong?

What did she do wrong?

What did she---

“Hey.” a voice came from behind her and she looked up in shock.

“M…Masa?”

Masa read her tear-stained face as he knelt next to her. “He told me this   afternoon that he was meeting you here tonight. I told him to come clean about the whole thing.” he spoke as he took out a handkerchief and handed it to her.

“God, you’re a mess.”

“S…shut  up and let me grieve.” she managed to retort in between sobs. The tears haven’t stopped. How could they when she had held them back for so  long?

“Alright, alright.” Masa calmly spoke and sat next to her on the ground. She looked at him as if he was insane.

“C..Can’t a girl cry alone?” she stifled another cry.

“In  this place? Gosh, no. What if a couple comes here to have a good time and suddenly saw a girl crying on the ground? Good Lord, you’re going to scare the living daylights out of some poor souls. Have mercy on them, will you?”

She knew he didn’t mean it. She knew he meant well, judging from the hand on her shoulder that hasn’t left since he sat down.

She  clicked her tongue as a joke. Words have seemed to fail her by now. She  wasn’t sure what to do next. The love of her life has left her. What  will she do now? How will she move on? Can she move on to begin with?

The thought alone scared her, and she found herself sobbing uncontrollably again.

“I..loved him, Masa.. but.. it wasn’t enough…”

She  felt him pull her closer and she felt his hand gently guiding her head to lean on his shoulder. “Here, I’ll lend you my shoulder. The first 30 minutes is   free. After that, you will be charged 500 yen per minute.”

She chuckled a little, but said nothing further. She let herself cry as much as she wanted to on his shoulder, the handkerchief was no longer of use at that point. His jacket was stained by her tears, but he made no noticeable expression of discomfort. He had been such a great friend despite his mean jokes, and she appreciated his presence next to her. She wasn’t sure what she could’ve done if Masa wasn’t there. Probably something really, really stupid and reckless.

                                                   +++

She woke up the next morning in a mess. She felt horrible, her eyes were still swollen, and her head felt unbelievably heavy.

Nevertheless, she woke up.

Just then, she received text messages. They’re from Nishida and Takahashi.

[Good  morning! I heard from Masa-san that you and Yuki-san broke up. No   worries! Let’s take down another boss tonight! I’ll let you curse as   much as you want!]

[Mornin’! Hey, look at this silly photo of Nishida.]

She  looked at the photo Takahashi sent. Yuji was getting hit by a ball while he was tying his shoelace. It was a bit blurry, but Yuji’s expression was definitely silly. She chuckled.

It turned out that Masa really didn’t waste any time to spread the news. Well, it’s better if  everyone knew. It would save her from many awkward moments in the future.

And then came another text. This time, it’s from Masa.

[Oi, good morning. How are you feeling?]

She chuckled. She felt a slight warmth from the text messages.

[I feel like shit]

[Of  course you do. I would be surprised if you suddenly said you’re fine, especially after what you put my jacket through last night. I found dried snot on it this morning.]

She unexpectedly laughed out loud.

[I’ll buy you another one. Sheesh.]

She managed to smile a little more.

She still wasn’t so sure how she was going to move on, but she will take the first step.

And she got up.

[mindmeltonabun-blog]

Tale of The Nine Tailed: Analysis and Theories

First and foremost, I would like to give my sincerest praise to the cast and crew of Tale of The Nine Tailed ! It is simply a wonderful and very thought provoking show! I strongly recommend it to everyone! 

Now, I’m going to forewarn you all that this post will be very LONG, but hey you might learn a thing or two and be able to draw your own theories and/or conclusions after reading this post! I had previously posted some of these connections/theories on my Twitter, but I figure hey why not post them on Tumblr too !

What Is An Imugi/Imoogi? What Is It’s Goal?

In Korean folklore, Imoogis are lesser dragons that look like big snakes or kind of like a basilisk from Harry Potter.

One of an Imugi/Imoogi’s main goal is obtain a “Yeouiju” or a celestial orb which allows it to become full fledged celestial dragons which can rule the skies. In the context of TOTNT, there is such a type of “Yeouiju” in the form of Lee Yeon’s fox bead. Therefore, I believe that the ultimate goal of the Imugi/Imoogi is get Lee Yeon’s fox bead.

Side note, I kind of think that the Imoogi not only wants to rule the skies, but the ground too. I wouldn't be surprised if he sought to do so by raising an army of zombies (maybe thats who Lee Yeon was seen fighting in the intro credits) ! 

Why be content with just ruling the skies when you can rule the entire world? Additionally, he could have further ambitions to not only rule the world, but to also rule all realms like the heavens and the Underworld. 

The Imoogi is very strategic into getting what he wants. By strategic I mean that he likes to use people as leverage or use their own weaknesses against them.

Therefore, I believe what happened originally during Ah Eum’s time is that the Imoogi had possessed her body in order to get Lee Yoon to hand over his fox bead. The Imoogi knew how much Lee Yoon had loved Ah Eum and would be willing to do anything for her. 

However like Voldemort, the Imoogi did not anticipate the power of love and sacrifice. Ah Eum had temporarily gained control of her body long enough to do either two things: ask Lee Yeon to kill her or run into Lee Yeon’s sword thereby killing herself. In either cases, she fulfilled her promise to Lee Yoon which was that she would always protect him.

Now jumping back to the present time, we know that original target of the Imoogi’s plan was Ji Ah. Why? Because his lame self wanted to do what he did in the past and use her again to get Lee Yeon to hand over the fox bead. However, this time around, Ji Ah had Lee Yeon’s fox bead inside of her which offered protection from full possession by the Imoogi. So then the Imoogi’s minion (tv station president) took the next best thing which was Ji Ah’s parents to be used as leverage at a later time so that Ji Ah would hand over the fox bead. 

However, things have now changed because Ji A gave away the fox bead to the fortune teller to save Lee Yeon. Now I have mixed feelings about this situation. On one side, I find it romantic that she’s willing to give up anything to save Lee Yeon. On the other side of it, I’m like girl why are you so stupid?! Lee Yeon literally gave up his mountain title in order to give Ah Eum/Ji Ah that fox bead.  It’s almost like Lee Yeon’s actions were met in vain. Plus, when Ji Ah said she doesn’t believe in destiny or that sort of stuff, it also got me riled up because it was a contradiction to the whole premise of her character in the first place. From the get go, the writer wrote that Ji Ah believes in the supernatural and mystical. So then why wouldn't she believe in fate and destiny?

Anyways back to more analysis. Without the protective effects of the fox bead, Ji Ah can once again be possessed by the Imoogi. 

What the fox bead had done for Ji Ah was that it protected Ji Ah from the effects of the Imoogi piece aka horcrux that was inside of her. The notion that the bead had offered protective effects can be seen when Lee Yeon first gave it to her where a protective shield was erected and this was again seen in ep4 when Ji Ah cried. Also, it was confirmed when Sato said how Lee Yeon’s fox bead was meant to protect all beings, but instead Lee Yeon chose to use it to protect only one person.

The Fortune Teller’s Message

Something of particular interest is what the fortune teller told Ji Ah about the bead. He told her that even without the fox bead or moon, her life is still “blessed”. I think what the fortune teller meant by this is that even without the protective effects of the bead, her life is still “blessed” because she will always have Lee Yeon by her side to protect her. 

What I think will happen next is that Lee Yeon will go back to the fortune teller to try and get his bead back. Meaning Ji Ah will probably confess to Lee Yeon later on just what exactly she gave up in order to get him back. And again the fortune teller will ask for something precious to Lee Yeon. There are a few things that are precious to Lee Yeon such as Ji Ah, Lee Rang, and Lee Yeon’s immortality. Now we know that Lee Yeon would never give up Ji Ah, so then this would bring about other two things into play: Lee Rang and Lee Yeon’s immortality. I think its more of a poetic justice if Lee Yeon trades Lee Rang in. However, I could also see Lee Yeon trading in his immortality since his dream has always been to become human. Who knows though! 

Only One Will Live: Imoogi Vs Ji Ah and Lee Yeon vs Ji Ah

In Harry Potter, there was a prophecy that “for neither can live, while the other survives”. This same message is conveyed when it comes to the Imoogi & Ji Ah and Lee Yeon & Ji Ah. 

We saw what had happened the first go around when the Imoogi had possessed Ah Eum. In the end, Ah Eum chose to sacrificed herself so that both the Imoogi and the piece of him inside of her would die. Thereby, she prevented the Imoogi from using her to get Lee Yeon’s fox bead. Now presently, the same situation is basically happening again. However, if Harry Potter managed to kill the piece of Voldemort in him and still survive then Ji Ah can essentially do the same. So, how you might ask? I think the solution greatly lies in getting the fox bead back in her. If Ji Ah can temporarily die in order to get rid of the Imoogi piece inside of her, then she can be revived by the protective qualities of the fox bead. 

Even if Ji Ah survives against the Imoogi, it might be at the cost of losing Lee Yeon. The fortune teller even told our couple this, “If you two keep hanging out, one of you will die”. This same message is again heard in ep 7 preview when Taluipa’s husband tells Lee Yeon, “You or the girl. One must die in the end.” So can there be a situation where the Imoogi is dead and both Ji Ah and Lee Yeon are alive? Yes and it comes in the form of the Lee Rang factor.

The Lee Rang Factor 

We all know that our little puppy, Lee Rang, may put up the facade that he hates his brother, but in reality, Lee Rang loves his brother a lot.

There was a clue dropped in ep.4 that hints in the end Lee Rang will be the one that saves both Lee Yeon and Ji Ah.

The hint was in Taluipa’s hand, the movie “A Better Tomorrow”. Briefly, the movie is about two brothers, Ho and Kit, who love each other a lot. However over the years, they began to develop great animosity and resentment towards each other mainly due to their differences in beliefs and professions. Ho was a criminal while Kit was an upstanding police officer. Eventually, Ho does see the error of his ways and seeks to atone for them. In the end, the two brother reconcile and Ho decides to  join his brother Kit on a path of righteousness. Similar to Ho, I think Lee Rang will do the same. Lee Rang will atone for his mistakes and thus sacrifice himself to save Lee Yeon and Ji Ah. 

What is Ji Ah?

Seems like everyone these days has been wondering what exactly Ji Ah is. Most people seem to think that she is part Imoogi. However, there has been a bunch of clues in the episodes that answers this question.

I believe Ah Eum/Ji Ah is Princess Bari, the first shaman goddess from Korean mythology.

Princess Bari was nicknamed the “Abandoned Princess” because she was the last and 7th daughter of a King who had no sons. Due to her gender, she did not receive any attention from her parents and was thus abandoned.

Eventually, her parents’ lives became endangered and in order to save them she had to travel to the Underworld to get the elixir of life. Such a tedious journey showed her deep commitment to the virtue of “filial piety” or one’s love and respect for one’s parents. She became a role model for many women during this time because she was willing to sacrifice herself for the very parents who had abandoned her. 

As a reward for her strong adherence to filial piety, the Gods made her the first shaman goddess who’s job was to help and guide spirits. 

[staarshines]

okay, i gotta explain what the hell happened last night. i don’t have time to clean up errors, so excuse those.

tw// self-harm/cutting via knife/blade, abusive parents (mentally, emotionally, and almost physically), gaslighting, guilt-tripping, talk of suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, this could literally qualify as a traumatic event.

my parents and i got into a fight, typical sunday night. i was the bigger person and left and then my mom started crying and my dad guilt-tripped me while i was sitting in the bathroom: bad choice because you guys know what happened in there. and then my dumbass decided to put a wet paper towel over the cut before going to go pray—just putting nothing or a band-aid over it would’ve made it undetectable. my mom guilt-tripped me into feeling bad for her and i gave her a hug; one thing she does while a hug is just rub random parts of your body to soothe you, you know? guess which part her hand went over. shit hit the fan. they did not react the way you think they would’ve—and a lot of you guys know how my parents usually act. it was a shit ton worse than you could expect—even from them.  my dad went fucking nuts. and i’m not overstating. he threw his phone into the wall, threw my phone into the wall, stomped around the room, and then kicked the box of an expo board (that he’d ordered for my room) multiple times. he yelled about how i had hurt him and my mom, about how i was so ungrateful because i thought my life was hell (which i never said), and swore on his life that he would move us to pakistan (which is halfway across the world) and cut off any and every contact i have from everyone where i currently live. i was silent the entire time, and he just got angrier. then came my mom’s gaslighting. “i can’t believe you would do this”, “we didn’t expect this from you”, “are you hearing yourself?”, “what does this say about you?”, i could go on and on.  this went on for two goddamn hours. 10:32-12:57, and yes, i was checking the time. i completely explained myself to them—because it couldn’t have made things worse—and that calmed them down a little bit. but the gaslighting and guilt-tripping went on as i explained myself to them. about how i thought i had anxiety, depression, was experiencing suicidal thoughts, was scared for my future, etc.  they immediately invalidated all of those concerns.

and the worst thing is: they blamed my irl friends (they don’t even know about you guys, don’t worry) for me cutting myself. i genuinely don’t know what the fuck is going to happen at this point, but i had to give you guys an update. all i know right now, is: 1a) they’ve cut me off from any and every form of communication with my friends—or so they think, because they don’t know about my spam instagram account or my tumblr. they’ve taken away my phone, are monitoring my texts, and are going to delete my instagram and tiktok. 1b) they want me to completely cut off my friend group. the only friend group i have because, and i quote, “yes, it’s a rule in this house. no social interaction outside of school.” there’s not much i can do about this except make it look like that i’ve cut them off based on my messages and main instagram, but i’ll still be able to text them via my spam every once in a while. it’s unlikely that they’ll want to stay friends with me though, because only being able to talk to someone via their spam which they barely log into takes more effort than it should. 2) they’re saying they’re moving to somewhere else—and at the very least, they’re moving schools. i’m not worried about this too much, even the fact that they might actually move me to pakistan because the minute they do that i’m running away when i hit 18, no questions asked. i’ll still be able to have contact with you guys from anywhere as long as i have my laptop, though.  3) now they’ve done a complete 180º after my entire life: they’re saying they won’t give a shit if i’m a world-class neurosurgeon or if i work at mcdonald’s. they’re obviously lying, but this is a slap to the face for me because i’ve been yelled at for approximately three hours—nope, not overstating—for getting a b+ in a honors class i took as a freshman which you’re supposed to take as a junior. i was taking three other honors classes, one ap class, and was in 8 clubs/organizations that year (this was last year). they “admitted” that they were “pressuring” me into becoming a doctor; what they really said was they “saw potential” in me so they decided to “push” me. 4) they’ve moved my mattress to their room and are checking me about every 15-20 minutes. i literally have to sleep and do my homework in their room now. i woke up around 4am-ish and couldn’t go back to sleep until 6 which is how i figured out that pattern.  4a) they are constantly asking me what i’m doing. and it’s not even “what are you doing?”, it’s “who are you texting now?” when i start to type even a single word. (i have a macbook, so i can text my friends via my laptop.) i will literally be sitting in class, listening to the teacher lecture: “who are you on facetime with? you’re staring at the screen.” it is impossible for me to get work done. my mom has quieted down now but she’s been watching me, yes, watching me, for a good almost 1.5 hours. she doesn’t even have her phone. she’s just sitting on her couch, staring at me.

and yep, she’s been staring at me for the past 1 hour and 34 minutes as i wrote this (yes, it took that long because my parents constantly kept asking me shit and i had to close out of the tab a couple of times without saving the draft). shit is going to change on tumblr now: 1) writing has to come to a stop or at least slow down for now. i write to destress and i need that more than ever, but i’ve moved to completely writing my stories out in my notebooks and that takes time to transcribe. i know some of you guys have been waiting a while for me to get your request done and i’m on the verge of finishing those, but i just can’t do it right now. 2) activity is about to go down. i may be truly inactive for days or even weeks at a time, again, it all depends on how my parents decide to fuck up my life from here. i really wish i could be here talking to you guys every day, but that just can’t happen anymore.

if i have any other updates, i’ll let you guys know asap. i love all of you guys and i hope everyone stays safe. i’ll try my best to get things back to normal, but i can’t promise anything.

[psychicnymph]

what happened to aphroditedolan?

hi everyone. i’m here to address the questions that i know many of you will ask. my sudden departure from the dolan twins fandom was not an entirely impulsive decision, so i’m here to explain.

first and foremost, i deactivated because of the sheer amount of blatant, cruel, and unacceptable disrespect i endured while writing for fun and for free. i would spend hours, upon days, upon weeks, upon months working on projects and i still got this disrespect. people were critical of my appearance, my strong-willed and passionate nature, the way i presented myself online -- but, amazingly, never of my writing. see, truth be told, arrogance in tote, my writing is phenomenal. it was rare that you’d catch a spelling or grammatical error (which is a direct result of my educational privilege, i recognize), each plot was well thought-out, each descriptor would bring the scenery, the characters, the erotic scenes to life; you name it, i took the time to near-perfect it. i wrote, edited, sometimes went as far as rewriting -- my point is, i was dedicated. 

a few weeks ago, i even took the time to completely reorganize my blog; i gathered and linked all the small concepts & blurbs i wrote and put them into a masterlist, on top of updating my fic masterlist to be more aesthetically pleasing, cleaner, and editing pictures myself to put them on both masterlists. i did this because i was excited to continue the two short series which i had started: Let Me Get That For You and A Girl is a Gun. additionally, i had ideas, WIPs, and other projects i was planning and writing for that i couldn’t wait to embark on -- and then, it was like something changed in the fandom.

well, i suppose i can’t say changed. let’s say more like... got exponentially worse.

from the very beginning, there were two types of people who i noticed in the twins’ tumblr fandom: there were those who earned their numbers, and there were those who preached ideas of entitlement. there was also a hierarchy: big blogs, and small blogs. it was like a caste system of its own kind. i’d like to discuss this for a brief moment.

when i first started writing, i was absolutely nobody in the fandom. i wasn’t on other platforms, i hadn’t been a stan for very long, i didn’t know anybody -- the tumblr fandom was where i wanted to start and, for the most part, ended up staying. i mention this because at the time of aphroditedolan’s deletion, i was considered a “big blog.” how did i go from small to big, then? if it’s a caste system, how could i have transitioned?

the answer is simple. the system you all created doesn’t exist. in this fandom, you are either entitled or you are talented, and that’s about it.

i never sat around begging people to like, reblog, or read my work, and i never pleaded for followers. i got them because i put out good, consistent, beautiful writing. i interacted with people, i wrote for prompts, i reached out and cultivated friendships, i did what i went to tumblr to do: write and be part of a community that loved the dolan twins. that’s it. the numbers came through hard work, dedication, and most of all, earning every one of them. 

no one on this earth or any other is entitled to likes, reads, reblogs, comments, kind words, attention, followers, or anything of the sort. yes, everyone deserves those things; no, you shouldn’t just get them. you should strive to earn these things. and honestly, while i think everyone is deserving of a chance, not everyone is cut out to be a writer. not everyone is made or meant for this art. because it’s an art. it’s a skill that needs to be developed and practiced. you can’t just sit down and bang out some writing. you absolutely must be dedicated and passionate about it if you ever want a taste of being successful. and that’s just it; some of you are doing this for the wrong reasons. you do it for the numbers. numbers do not fucking matter. they aren’t even real. it’s just a count of people who have physically interacted with your post, or people who actually decided to follow you.

everyone deserves to have their craft appreciated, but when you just start writing for the attention you think it’ll get you, that’s not a craft. that’s you doing the things you see others doing because you see the attention they get and you want a piece of that for yourself. it’s a shitty, horrible motive. and then, when it’s obvious that writing isn’t your strongest talent or even a genuine passion of yours, you whine about some system that isn’t fair, you create something to blame for your lack of success -- of course, it must be the bigger blogs.

i’m proof that that just isn’t true and y’all are lying to yourselves. in less than a year, i ended up with 4k followers and extremely successful pieces. again, because i earned it. through time, effort, and dedication, i earned it.

another thing that came with the culture of entitlement in the fandom was people being self-pitying in order to evoke guilt in their audience, so that people would go and tell them, no, your writing is so good, keep it up. they did it as a means of getting the attention they hadn’t earned. people got into the habit of trying to use me for more attention. they would feign friendliness, interest in my blog, etc., all to say, hey, can you check out my writing and reblog it?

i don’t fuck with that shit. it’s a huge part of why i had to turn my submissions off and my messages off from people i didn’t follow. i don’t like people who only care about numbers and want to use me for more numbers. it was beyond disrespectful that people thought i couldn’t see what they were trying to do; honey, manipulation is a skill just like any other, and i’m better at it than you are. don’t try it on me.

besides the overly-entitled, suffocating people who would shit on, criticize, and blame others for their low numbers which resulted from their sheer lack of effort and self-awareness (and by this i mean actually stopping to question 1. what is your motive here and 2. is what you’re producing actually good or is it slapped together messily?), there was also the culture of feedback to the writer from the audience. 

it was rare that i’d get any other response on my writing besides “part 2?” “more?” “part 2 plzzzz” “you need to update this” and etc.

how many times is the writing community gonna have to say that those comments aren’t helpful, kind, supportive, constructive, or ANYTHING besides annoying? they’re demanding. they push the idea that they just want more of the same ol’ shit. even after i made it blatantly clear on more than one occasion that i don’t take requests and would not be adding a part 2 to something unless it was upon my own discretion, there were still constant, never-ending, tireless requests for more, or requests in general. it was frustrating and infuriating. i was so tired of repeating myself. and when i stopped repeating myself and started linking people to asks or my FAQ where i had already answered that question, people wanted to act like i had an attitude. people gave me endless grief that i was a bitch, aggressive, had a shitty attitude; no, babe. i just wasn’t tolerant of poor treatment. you should try to start adopting this attitude for yourself. respect yourself and know your worth. it’s really as simple as that.

when the biphobic comments rolled around, i’d had enough. it’s when i decided to take my break, truly because i was furious (as i had every right to be) and because that whole situation made me not want to write at all. all my passion and motivation to finish projects i’d been so excited to do for you guys went out the window. it’s sad that y’all pushed me over the edge this way. i gave it time, i let the wounds heal, i let the anger fade, and i started an official hiatus to do this. i’m also in school again, which meant i’d be less active anyway, and it felt like a good idea to just put some distance between myself and the tumblr fandom. but the distance has only solidified the feeling that i’m just not appreciated as much as i deserve to be. and i don’t mean in numbers. i mean for the amount of effort i put in to get constant backlash on things that don’t even have to do with my writing, to work so hard only to be pissed the fuck off, to dedicate so much time and energy to a group of people only for y’all to erase my identity, send me hate, try to act big and tough and like you’re the shit behind anonymous... i’m good luv, enjoy.

there are also other factors; truths about some of the people in the fandom that are idolized, the constant plagiarism of my work, the overwhelming sense of responsibility that came with keeping up with my blog like it was a job, among other things that i don’t care to elaborate on.

so that’s it. i got tired of the same old shit and i know i deserve better. below, i’ll answer some questions that i think some people may be left with:

are you and luna still dating?

yes. for the last time, yes. we are dating. we are a couple. we love each other. we are in a long distance relationship and we are actually dating. not like two besties pretending to date because it’s quirky -- we are actually. fucking. dating. and no, nothing happened between us to make me make this decision. we are doing great.

are you gonna write ever again?

in my life? yes. for the twins, in this fandom, or on this platform? fuck no.

are you still a fan of the twins?

yes! oh my god, probably always. no matter where they go or what they pursue, i’m there with them. they have made my life better, and i have a lot to thank them for. i’ll just be enjoying their content from alllllllllll the way over here.

are you gonna be blogging about the twins?

not at all. in fact, i don’t even follow rockstardolan because i’m keeping my dash away from all of that. i’m not following any dt related blogs. i’m gonna do my thing over here, and love the twins in private, on my own terms. 

why did you delete all your writing?

in truth, after everything, i don’t even want it to remain there. i essentially wanted to erase my contribution and my footprint on this fandom. plus, having my writing just out and about, having already been plagiarized so i’m sure you can find some things in various illegal wattpad compilations, makes me worry about more people doing that. i wanted to keep that damage to a minimum. so yeah, they’re gone forever. 

what about your friends, people you interacted with, etc?

the people who matter will stay in touch. there are some people i’ve cut out from my life for good because they’re toxic and quite frankly i just don’t like them. i’m done subjecting myself to people i don’t even fucking like for the sake of keeping others happy. but, the good friends who respected me, treated me well, etc, they’ll reach out when they can. i’d say i encourage it, but i have a lot on my plate as is and have a hard enough time keeping up with things in the real world, let alone things online. there’s still love there, i’m just keeping a safe, healthy distance and doing what’s best for me. 

if you have other questions, you can feel free to ask, but i’m really not in the market for new friendships. it’s not that time in my life. i literally cannot handle more than what i’ve got on my plate, and i’m keeping my priorities in order. i don’t care if you think i’m rude, if you think i’m a bitch, if you think i’ve got a bad attitude, if you think i’m a piece of shit, if you’re angry, if you’re sad, even if you’re gonna miss me -- this is for me. i’m letting this out as a big, fat fuck you to the things and people that ruined my experience on aphroditedolan, and as an explanation for the few people who deserve it.

take care of yourselves. do the things that make you happy. don’t tolerate things that don’t make you happy. do no harm, take no shit, and most importantly,

stan the FUCKING dolan twins.

signed,

daniella/dani/aphroditedolan, however you have known me. 

[stcyadams]

The very long awaited post: “Alice and the weed brownies”

I know you all have been waiting for this post, and I finally got time to post it, on a wonderful Saturday. She was one of the weirdest people I have met on Club Tortimer by far. Behold a lot of captions, and explaining things.

For all who aren’t caught up on the story, read this ask: https://smadaycats.tumblr.com/post/185313228554/why-is-alice-on-weed-brownies-who-gave-her-them

and chill on the weed brownies Alice - From: Mitch

This is the part that confuses me tbh. As I mentioned in the ask, I can only name several that know me from my old tumblr and even play Animal Crossing anymore, and I don’t recall an Alice. My guess is she did her research on me, considering it’s not too hard to find older stuff about the blog in 2014-15.

Also Alice if you’re just a friend attempting to troll (which I’m assuming you aren’t at this point, also try harder) just let me know, even if it’s anon through an ask, because I am still curious who you are.

Now this, I don’t know where she got it. I actually really enjoy gaming and have been doing it for many years, since Gamecube switch came out I’ve been playing Animal Crossing, and that’s not even considering the other franchises I’ve played over the years before that.

(Any blue over the text was another hackers name, and I don’t even know them or want to promote them as I never do that, so I just wrote over it)

Also, around this part, Alice started to make no sense, wouldn’t answer questions, and just kept going on about the same AND random things (which is why the weed brownies joke comes into play hahah)

I never said anything :T

Someone named Alic came

I trapped the exit and wanted her to come see, asking if that I what she was mad about.

Again, never said that

Aurora’s message was cut out by mine :/

‘just clam down’

I trapped her, and questioned again.

I errored as I had to go somewhere, but this was a crazy island, and I hope you guys enjoyed it as it has been asked multiple times when I’m going to put it up. I also have good news, my semester is over so I should be able to be on AC:NL more, which means more island trips.

[tidsoptlmist]

It’s a Boy-Girl Thing - E.D.

Authors note: I’M BACK! for those who care: my holiday was sO MUCH FUN OH MY GOD!! I had the bEST time!!! sadly school has started again and i’m drowning in homework again!!! 

disclaimer 1: over these past few weeks I’ve received so many asks about whether or not I was still gonna update this: the answer is YES!

I hate the feeling of letting you all wait or maybe letting you down when i’m not posting as often as i (and you) would want me to. 

the things is that (and this might come as a shocker) actually do have a life outside of tumblr. I’m in my senior year of high school and I trying to get good grades, so I can get into a good university next year...

I do love writing this and I am so excited to continue writing this story (and more!!) and I will not stop until this story is finished!!! I promise ahha!! I see those messages as a compliment (bc apparently you all like this very much and want to read more) but sometimes they make me feel a little bad/stressed because i feel like I’m let you all down... so yea..... I hope you all understand! 

(what im trying to say is that i dont really mind those asks but at the same time it won't help asking bc YES i will be updating: but only when I’m able to...) (which will be regularly again next week!!!!) (promise)

disclaimer 2: this wasn't proofread so my apologies for any (loads of) spelling/grammar error!!!!! im a dyslectic assclown who cant spell to safe their own life so yea... just a lil heads up

Part 9 一 ANIMOSITY

Summary: Ethan and Y/N are neighbors. And although Y/N is on good terms with Ethan’s twin brother Grayson, Y/N and Ethan loathe each other and are constantly in dispute. Ethan is a populair varsity football player, who likes to be in the spotlight. Y/N prefers to stay under the radar, while reading books and poetry.

Although the constant bickering between the two drives everyone around them crazy - the two live their separate lives peacefully. At least that’s how it was until they wake up one morning and every had changed…

PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7 || PART 8 || PART 9 || PART 10

You liked sports. You honestly liked being active. But not in late summer, when it was hot like an oven outside and the air humid.

You could feel the sweat dripping down your back, your shirt completely drenched. Your heart beat banging in your head and your legs shaking. You squint your eyes against the intense sunset.

Ethan had made you run around the field all afternoon. He had made you run laps, do pushups, situps and all different sorts of exercises which names you had forgotten right after Ethan said you could stop doing them. After finishing you had dropped yourself next to Ethan on the grass: completely worn out.

‘What are you doing?’ Ethan had asked.

‘I’m taking a break. Actually, not even a break: I’m done! I think if I continue I might get a heart attack or something,’ you breath still went rapidly.

Ethan just laughed while grabbing a water bottle from the cooler he had taken with him. ‘What are you on about? This was the warming up!’ He threw a cold bottle of water next to you in the grass. Your hands quickly opened it and you gulped down half of the bottle before glaring at Ethan.

‘I’m definitely warm…’ You mumbled annoyed.

Slowly you had gotten up from the grass and Ethan had made you catch footballs for an hour. The sun was now setting and your whole body ached. You fell onto the bench at the side of the field.

‘I don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave this bench. I can’t carry your body anymore Eth,’ you sighed and wiped your forehead with his shirt. It didn’t help much: your shirt was completely soak. Ethan stood in front of you, grinning. Silently you watched the sunset behind the hills.

‘Let’s go home,’ you said, getting up. You grabbed your bag and looked at Ethan. He was still smiling at you. ‘I thought you said “you were never gonna be able to get off that bench”,’ he chucked at you. You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help but let a smile creep on your face.

‘We really need to head home though. Grayson said something about a party this morning and I think he really wants to go,’ you say as you walk towards the parking lot where Ethan had parked your car earlier.

‘Who’s hosting the party?’ Ethan asked you, eyeing your in a curious manner.

‘Austin, I think…’ You say, trying to remember what Grayson had said this morning. ‘He said Austin invited you both. And that it would be a big party. Apparently his parents are out of town.’

‘You should go,’ Ethan says, as he opens the trunk. You put the footballs and bottles of water and other training gear in the trunk.

‘I don’t want to go,’ you say in all honesty. Ethan rolls his eyes as he closes the trunk again.

‘Grayson and I never go somewhere alone-’

‘Yea, that’s kinda weird: you two should try to being more independent,’ you cut him off. Ethan eyes you angrily - irritated that you cut him off, but ignores your comment.

‘Like I said, before you cut me off: we never go somewhere alone. If Grayson wants to go: you go with him,’ Ethan says as he walks towards the driver seat. You walk towards passengers seat and get into your car.

‘I don’t like those kind of parties! What do you want me to do while I’m there?! Also; this could only go wrong. Someone will definitely notice something’s off!’ You tell him, trying to convince him why you shouldn’t go to Austin’s party.

‘You can try talking to some girls?’ Ethan suggests chuckeling, but quickly comes back from his idea: ‘Wait, no! Don’t talk to girls! You’ll for sure embarrass me!’

You glare at him. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Y/N, you might have a 4.0 on your GPA but you definitely don’t have a 4.0 in flirting,’ Ethan laughs at his own joke.

‘I’m not that bad….’ You say softly.

‘You know what, I’ll go to the party as well. That way I can keep an eye on you so you don’t embarrass me too much.’ Ethan says. You give him another glare. Annoyed how he won’t trust you.

The field wasn’t far from your home. Ethan parked in front of the Dolan house and you got out of the car.

‘Do you need to pick an outfit for tonight too - or do you trust me to pick one out myself without embarrassing you?’ You snarled at him. Ethan looked unimpressed by your remark.

‘Nah, you’re good,’ he simply said, pushing a strand of your long hair out of his face. In the days that he had been trapped in your body, he had only wore your hair down. It was now that you relised it was probably because he didn’t know how to tie a ponytail with long hair. You huffed and walked towards the trunk where you got the footballs and other training gear.

You walked towards the Dolan house without saying goodbye to Ethan. You dumped the training gear in the garage and walked immediately upstairs. You grabbed a clean pair of undrwear and some basketball shorts and walked towards the shower.

You took a quick shower - the same way you did that morning. This time the towel didn’t drop and you got the underwear on in one go. You stood infront of Ethan’s side of the sink and sprayed on some cologne. You closed your eyes as you inhaled the scent: it was smelled very good.

You walked out of the bathroom and layed down on Ethan’s bed. The party wouldn’t start till 9:30 - so you had a good three hours to kill.

Before you really could think of something to do, Grayson barched into the room. These boys left eachother no privacy did they?!

‘E,’ he exclaimed as he jumbed on the bed next to you, ‘wanna play some video games?’

And before you knew it, you were walking towards Grayson’s room. It was practially the same as Ethan - but with different colored bedsheets and instead of a poster of a motercycle there was a poster of old looking car. You recognised Grayson’s Ford Bronco - altough the one on the poster was red in color. Grayson turned the PlayStation on and handed you a controller.

‘Dude!!’ Grayson yelled at you. You stared at the screen. “YOU DIED” it read in thic red letters.

‘I swear I shot them first! I don’t know how I died?!’ You said annoyed.

‘Why are you so bad at this game?! Did you lose all your skills while haning out with Y/N today or something?!’ Grayson said jokingly, although he stilled looked a little annoyed at you for losing.

‘No,’ you mumbed while restarting the game. Playing video games was more fun then you innitionally thought it would be. Grayson was good company too, chatting away about his day.

‘How is Y/N doing?’ Grayson asks suddenly. You huff, concentrating on the game, ‘she’s good.’

Grayson falls back on the bed, starring at the ceiling, ‘she looks good.’

His comment makes you forget the game and within a second the red letters spelling out “YOU LOST” fill the tv screen again.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ You ask Grayson, confused. Grayson gives you a ‘like you don’t know what I’m talking about’-look. You gave him the ‘I-really-don’t-have-a-fucking-clue-what-you’re-talking-about-so-tell-me-now’-kind of look.

‘You said it yourself E: she has a good ass!’

You look at him in shock. It was weird hearing Grayson making comments about your ass - well just any ass - without getting red and flushed.

‘I never said that!’ Ethan would never say something like that about you!

‘Yea you did, like three days ago,’ Grayson says while taking the controller from you hands. ‘But don’t worry, I won’t tell Sophia tonight.’ He chuckles at his own joke. He walked towards the PlayStation and turns it off.

‘Is she gonna be there too?’ You mentally roll your eyes. Your energy level for this party just dropped to minus 6.

‘Yea, so let’s have some diner and get ready for this party,’ Grayson says as he walks out of his room. When he’s halfway down the stairs you hear him laugh and say:

‘and don’t forget to bring protection! We don’t want any surprises in 9 months!’

thank you for reading!! leave a comment if you feel like it!! 

please read the DISCLAIMER at the top!!

also: 

- i wrote a short grayson imagine but its not that good should i still post it???

- do you guys want me to make a master list? if so: let me know!! my ask

TAGS : @asapethan , @gabrielle-stark & @coconutethan here you go babes!!

[cryathon]

easy girls

Hello Kylee!!

I’d be really glad if you posted this but it’s absolutely fine if you don’t want to because even I understand how horrendous my writing can be sometimes.

So.

You are probably very surprised by this submission but hear me out?

I have only recently joined the Holland and Peter Parker fandom, but I absolutely loved all the fan contributions- fan arts, hcs, fics. Like I’m absolutely sold. So I have been playing around with this idea for a long time now and having read quite a few fics, I have finally found the courage to write it out. However, I have yet to open a Tumblr account. (I’m literally hovering over people’s accounts and reading stuff and sending asks) And if I do open an account, I don’t think it’ll be anytime soon, so before this fic becomes ugly to me and I impulsively delete it like my others, I decided I should submit it and get someone to post it, and who knows, maybe I might get advice on how to improve my writing or some people might actually like it.  

Of course, this is absolutely not the best you’ve read and has room for improvement. Buuuuut, I am a non native English speaker and it’s been years since I last wrote something (last I had written an HP fic, which I also deleted. SMH.)  Please feel free to make any sort of editing/spelling corrections as well as add warnings I might have missed out (and a summary if you feel it’s necessary) before posting it.

                                                                      - easy girls -

        pairing: ahahaha

warnings: mention of blood. douchebag!Tom. douchebag!OC. sad (i think??). 

word count: <1k

author’s note: I’m ashamed of myself for having written Tom (and for treating Sam) this way. This was the result of having read so much angst. I’m also sorry if the writing sucked big time (sometimes I forget the word for absolutely simple things so don’t be surprised).

You had already crushed on him since he first graced the screens in the role of a beloved superhero. But on an occasion of a friend of a friend of a friend, you got the privilege to meet him face to face.

Now, with your eyes directly across his doe ones in the dimly lit cafe, you debunked the age-old debate about the existence of love at first sight, having experienced it first hand today.

Thomas Stanley Holland was the one for you, and every cell in your body knew it.

“Hello,” you shyly offered a hand. “I’m Y/N.”

His smile melted your heart.

***

You stumbled into the room in a drunken stupor, hand gripped onto the door knob to keep yourself from falling.

Tom had his hands snaked around the waist of another woman, again. This time, he didn’t even look up and continued to fervently make out with her. Someone that was not you.

You were no longer shocked, but the wound in your heart deepened.

“Tell me!” you shouted, grabbing Tom by the collar, making it so that Tom was no longer near that woman’s body.

“Why won’t you tell me?”

Tom simply sighed, rubbing his temples with his now free hands. The woman snorted and waltzed out of the room. “I’m sorry, I’ll be done with her tonight for sure. Call you later?” Tom called out after her.

“Whatever,” she had mumbled, carelessly, and your heart burned.

Oh the things that you could do to be in her place.

“Tell me,” you pleaded, your eyes watering, “Tell me why you won’t love me.”

He released an annoyed sigh.

You repeated again, your voice trembling.

“Tell me.”

Your hands had now been clutching onto Tom’s shirt, shaking him.

“Because I hate girls who throw themselves at me!” The words escaped his lips before he could even stop himself. He had been momentarily taken aback by how blunt his words were but quickly regained his indifferent composure.

He cleared his throat.

“Because I hate girls who throw themselves at me,” he repeated, calmly. “I hate- I hate easy girls. Girls like you.”

Your hands limply fell to your sides.

Your eyes widened but your vision become hazy. Your ears were ringing and your face had paled, having been drained out of all the blood.

You could no longer see Tom or his apartment, and the next thing you knew, you were walking on the road barefoot under the pouring rain.

You were not even crying- you’d knew if you were, because they left the oh so familiar trail of heat across your cheeks. Instead, your heels felt warm, as they had now been slashed red due to some uneven and unshaven rocks on the gravel.

You loved Tom shamelessly, and he broke you mercilessly.

You had left a faint bloody trail on your wake.

***

You had been visiting a photo exhibition after finally giving into your best friend’s numerous ploys to get you to live like a human again. You had continuously reassured her that you were no longer hurting, just numb, but she had still been adamant to get you your first doze of Vitamin D in months.

She had dressed you, washed and combed your hair, fed you, and was now pulling you around, bouncing from photos to photos. When she finally let go off of your hand and excused herself to greet a friend, you stayed rooted on your spot, in front of a photograph of a ship.

You had been staring at the photograph, not necessarily looking, when a nervous tap on your shoulder brought you back to Earth.

When you turned, you had your heart in your mouth, for in front of you, awkwardly stood someone who caused your numbness to fade and you to feel after so many months.

Tom’s brother.

He had mumbled something but you could barely hear.

Did Tom send him here?

No, that was ludicrous, and you almost slapped yourself for thinking like that.

Tom would never even bring your name up in front of his family, let alone send his brother to ask you to come back.

God, why were you even thinking this?

Ever so gently, desperation grabbed your heart with its dainty fingers and you let it silently dictate your features.

Maybe you could…

“I’m sorry, I was kind of lost. Did you say something?” you gave him an innocent smile.

“Uh nothing, it was just- I was- just- I had wanted to say hello,” he offered his hand again.

“I’m Sam.”

***

You were humming as you baked, trying to bury the guilt that had bubbled in your chest. Your cookies, freshly out of the oven, smelled delectable. Your best friend would have loved them if she were here.

Your phone, still on silent, buzzed with the 34th missed call, quickly followed by the 16th message of the day.

You caught sight of the text bubble as your screen lit up.

“Y/N, please, please just call me, okay? I know you will. I have be…”

Your cookies looked perfect but your mouth suddenly tasted bitter, and you dumped all your freshly baked cookies in the bin.

Another text appeared.

 “Please just tell me why you feel we shouldn’t be together. is it because of Tom? cuz if it is then I’m willi-…”

You started to violently bang the tray against the bin, ensuring that even the last of the crumbs fell.

Sam loved you earnestly and you broke him viciously. 

You gingerly lay the empty tray on the counter.

Oh well. You can always bake another batch.      

    P.S. I’m sorry it’s not memes.

——— Ok, just you came to the right place, I’m a sucker for angst and I LOVE to hate Douchebag!Tom ok?? Your English is fine,no spelling errors from what I can tell and your grammar is 👌👌👌. Annnyways, I think you should really start an account, and if you did, I would be the FIRST to follow. I need a second part, I’m eager to know what happens next. When you make a part two, PLEASE TAG ME. holy shit I love this so much, thank you for submitting this to me. I love you and please message me off anon so I can follow you tbh.

[hellsinvestigativereporter]

To all of my friends in the collective and the circle.

The following post that you are about to read is one that I have struggled with for almost a year now to write as it deals with something that happened to me that was traumatic, humiliating, and in many ways needlessly cruel. I have thought many times over what I want to say and how I wish to say it. I’ve written draft after draft of how I wanted to word my feelings as I know that sometimes what I mean to say and what is actually heard can at times be two very different things. Initially I wanted to lash out against those that had hurt me and that had put me through the pain that I have suffered this year. But thankfully with loving guidance and comfort from my very dear friends who have been a pillar of strength for me through this year. I realize now that they have healed me from what could have been a self destructive course. I will forever thank them and love them for what they have done for me. The purpose then, of me writing this post now is not to get vengeance against those whom I hated or who I felt wronged me rather I simply wish to state my side of a story that was spread out among the ranks of the tumblr group, @weareadventurers and state what I was not allowed to say before nor was I in a state of mind to be able to say, for at the time that all of this happened I was mentally and emotionally panicked and did not know where to go or who to turn to and thus i committed several serious errors that only made my situation worse. Though my time with the group ended in a very ugly manner. I wish to undo that damage done to my reputation while expressing that I have nothing but good will and well wishes for the groups future. I wish to state for the record what happened, why it happened, and where it has left me now. To any who may have their own grudge or hatred towards this group, I ask that you do not use this post as ammunition for your own conflicts against them. The group as I knew it then was and I would certainly hope still is, filled with good people and that what transpired was due to miscommunication, lack of communication, and so forth. 

To take a moment to explain my time with the collective, I joined them near the start of my time at college. They had a spot open for someone to become the pyromancer and druid and so I volunteered my services to @wearepaladin and since no one else wanted the position, I got it by default. It was a very rewarding experience and I was able to post stories and write content to an audience size I had never had a chance to entertain to before. Where things began to go wrong was very simply put, I did not consider what type of people were in my audience. During the bulk of my time in college I worked as a customer service rep at a call center to help pay for tuition, rent, and so forth and so I was under a rather large amount of stress made worse by the fact that it was a customer service job at a call center and for anyone who has ever worked in such a job, you know that at the end of a long night shift doing that you are not always going to be in the best of moods. And so I used my writing to tell tales of Daigo Belfir, a pyromancer who started out as a drunken fire starter intended to be a joke character and turned him into what many called an Edge Lord, a title that frankly I rather enjoy if one can believe it. The stories I began to write of him were a way to channel my frustration with many of the rude and cruel folks that I had to deal with at my job but the one thing in particular that I would write about from time to time is how he would hunt down and kill sex traffickers. Which at the time was something I thought many people would appreciate. Turns out I was wrong as one member of the group was willing to point out. It did bring some concerns to the paladin but he saw no fault in what I wrote and gave me a pass on it the first time, but told me that the blogs of the collective were simply meant to be reposts, and not story or rp blogs, he also advised not including sex traffickers in my stories anymore. To be honest, I became very annoyed with the instructions to just stick to doing reposts as I felt the true strength of the group was that we were a band of adventurers and our characters were what people were into, not a simple endless stream of reblogged pictures especially for someone whose characters whole thing was fire. After a while, you can only reblog things being burned for so long before it gets redundant and that was when I made my next big mistake. I started to thumb my nose at the Paladin’s rules and post story blogs anyway because that was what people were into and the thought of setting up a new blog and rebuilding a follower base was too much for me I thought. What I could not have known was that my stories were starting to upset many people in the collective but what has puzzled me for a long time is that no one ever really talked to me about it save for the friends that I mentioned before and so I figured I was just in my own little corner posting things while everyone else did the big stuff. Which frankly, I was fine with as I enjoyed being able to write what I wanted without needing to coordinate with others, though I love to RP and would often make posts inviting those within and without the collective to join in on. And so this went on until one day @weareknight told me not to ressurect my character Daigo who had died and come back from the dead again. (This was something my character Daigo did a lot and it annoyed the other members who disliked how frequently I did it, though again I wonder why as hardly any of them ever talked to me.) I tried to laugh off the frankly rude demand that I follow his order for my own character and tried to simply make a joke of it. It backfired greatly and he then posted this long tangent as to how I was apparently a pervert who wrote nothing but erotic fantasies of rape and violence and that I needed to grow up. This reaction surprised me greatly as I had mentioned above, If I ever wrote about such issues in my blog in my stories, it was of Daigo killing such evil people because rape is a horrible, horrible thing and those that exploit others in such a manner must and should be punished as I hope many of you will agree. And so not wanting to dignify his immature outburst I said nothing else, and went about my business. Shortly thereafter I got a message from @wearepaladin telling me that I was no longer part of the group. Had it been left at that, things would have turned out differently. I figured that due to my thumbing my nose at his rules and the outburst of the knight was the reason for it, but not asking any questions I told him that I would go quietly but that the hate mail that was starting to be sent to me frequently by the other members at that time had to stop and as their leader if I got any more I would hold him responsible for it because after all, he is their leader. I also said that I was keeping the name wearepyromancer. He said that was fine and I left, figuring that was the end of that. How wrong I was.  The Next day my inbox was flooding with hate mail. The paladin had made a massive post telling me I had been kicked out of the group because of a few different things but the main one was that a post I had made was being made out to be one of non consent and sexual harrasment. I was at once greatly alarmed by that claim and began to frantically try to find out what had happened to make the paladin say something like that as I had always been of the clear stance that I opposed such things. It turns out that a post that me and another friend in the group had done for valentines day the year before was the cause. To explain, there were those who had shipped my character Daigo with her character, and so we thought as a fun valentines day post we would have it set up to where our characters would fight, and then Daigo would surprise her with a kiss. We both agreed it would be cute and fun and be a fun treat to give our readers who we thought wanted to see such a thing. Alas nothing happened and so we went about our way thinking that our plan to excite the fans failed. The truly tragic thing is that the picture was at first, a surprise gift for my friend who loved it and then I proposed we do the post, she agreed and we went about doing it as I explained above. If I recall correctly someone had asked my friend about the pic but she said she did not remember asking for it because as you may have guessed by now, she did not, for as I mentioned, it was a valentines day surprise I commissioned for her. But to my knowledge they did not ask her any other questions nor have they spoken to her again since all of this has happened. fast forward one year and suddenly that same post that me and my friend made was now the supposed “Damning evidence” that I deserved to be kicked out of the group and that I was this, awful monster that needed to be avoided at all cost and that I was evil, and that the paladin was so sorry that he had let someone like me into the group and that no one should attempt to speak to me further and ignore me completely. The irony of it all is that I was planning on leaving anyway, though I was dragging my feat because frankly, the prestige of being a part of @weareadventurers was rather addicting but I was glad to be kicked out because it meant that leaving finally happened and that I would be free of the paladins restrictive rules on content posting. Yet another mistake on my part.  And so the hate mail came, and people left and right called me a deviant and a monster. One person even told me to kill myself. I would have fought more on the blog but at the time I was applying for a new job because I was unemployed and recently had to leave college because I could no longer do a full time job and go to school at the same time and I did not want an account that was getting so much hate mail and accusations about me attached to my person and I was afraid that a background check would bring that up. And I was not about to let my chances of getting a job be put at risk because of an untruth. Now I want to take a brief moment to point out I used the word, Untruth, and not lie. The paladin as I can only assume was working off of information that he had been given by others. My friend to whom I made the post with informed me that the hatred against me by some members in the group was so heated that it looked like they were looking for any reason they could to get rid of me. After all, you have to demonize before you can ostracize otherwise you risk being a “bad person.” And so they presented the paladin with the info, who then did what he felt was the right thing to do. Though it would have been nice if he had told me before he made that post why I was being kicked out. To be fair though, I assumed I already knew and thus did not ask. Again...I made many mistakes. 

And so with a heavy heart, I had to deactivate the account with many telling me good riddance. As I deleted the blog I had to reload my page several times. It was like being forced to execute a family member but the gun kept jamming. But it was finally deleted and I found myself tottally, and utterly alone. With many of my friends in the group blocking me and refusing to speak to me. For the paladin did not say to stop the hate mail as I had asked, but told them to avoid me all together. Thankfully another friend grew suspicious of that order and spoke with me anyway. And so over the course of the year, my friend helped me recover from the lowest point I had ever been in my life.  The first thing that happened after I shut down my blog was track down my friend to whom I had made the “evil” post with to make sure she was all right. I did not know what she had been going through and I was terrified that something similar had happened to her, after all, once an angry mob is formed the thirst for blood fades slowly. Thanks to my other friend I found her, and told her everything was going to be all right. She had been terrified that I was going to be furious with her but I assured her that I was not. Why would I have been? She is one of my best friends and she did nothing wrong and I assured her that she was still and still is to this day one of my best friends, even if these days we dont get the chance to talk like we used to. 

The following months consisted of help and guidance from my other friend. He was able to talk me down from trying to outright sue the paladin and to try to think rationally while still letting me vent about the hurt I was going through. He even went so far as to speak to the paladin on my behalf, asking him to take down the post he had made about me. Alas, the paladin did not. He said that he did regret what had happened but decided to keep the post up as a reminder to him not to do to another what he had done to me. As you can imagine, I took that response very, very poorly. I saw it simply as the reaction of a man who after being shown he made a mistake, was willing to let me continue to live in exile and fear so long as it ensured his own reputation was intact. But again to be fair, he may have been genuine about that and simply did not realize how I might have felt about that, after all we have not spoken since the day he told me I was out. It is a fault that I have as well in my own manner of thinking and to continue the fairness, I had made a lot of mistakes, such as thumbing my nose at the rules of the group I was a part of and that he ran. It comes as no surprise that he would be unwilling to take down the post after how I had disrespected his authority, for yes indeed my friends, he did have the authority to do that. But back then, I did not have the clearer vision that I do now, and so for months I writhed in unending rage and hatred against the man. Hate for the loss of my blog, hate for the damage he had done to my reputation, hate for the fear I have lived in every day since then that someone may take it all a step further and do something truly heinous to either my reputation or even my physical person all because the paladin had made that post. The thing that was truly scary about all this is just how much influence the paladin has over others, in fact I would imagine that he may not fully realize just how much people hang on his word and so in making that post it gave, in the minds of many, the right to attack me and harass me because suddenly I was this, obvious monster that had no right to mercy because the paladin had clearly marked me out as a monster, even though I no longer believe that was his intent and again I stress, he was working with what information he had at the time. 

This brings us to now. I have since then moved on from the hate I once felt for him and the collective group @weareadventurers. But the fear of what further damage this post may do to me in the future has haunted me for months. I live in terror that should I ever gain even a small part of the popularity I had before someone is going to come and bring up this story and use it to attack me because in this age we live in, cancel culture is as wide spread as it is addictive. Ironically the same sense of moral rightness that I often wrote about in Daigo became the very thing that led to my own demise with the group. But even so I still remember my time with them fondly and despite what the paladin said many of my friends in the group have begun to talk to me again. I would invite any who once did so back in those happier days to reach out to me on this blog again if you wish. All of what transpired was simply one massive misunderstanding and ultimately no one person is guilty of anything save for only being human. 

I would now like to dedicate this last section to the collective member @we-are-scarlet-corsair and to apologize for something I did during all of this. As I mentioned before the Knight of the group had come up to me and told me not to revive my old character Daigo again for the umpteenth time which led me to provoke him with what I thought were joking comments to him. To explain, I had brought him back because I had seen posts from the paladin that she had been getting hate mail and harrasment because her character was “evil” and did not belong in the group. In a move that I thought would be charitable, and an excuse to bring back Daigo because of how much I love my character, I brought him back and thought I would go ahead and give the trolls someone else to harass besides scarlet corsair who had done nothing to deserve such hate.Between the time that the paladin made the post and my discovery about what he had done, I thought people were sending me hate mail about bringing back Daigo and that they had misunderstood what he had done in regards to the sex traffickers in my stories and explained that I was only trying to help scarlet corsair. That like everything else I had ever said or written was taken by many as the claim that I was somehow blaming her for my supposed bad behavior. And I see now how that would be the understanding of those who were then very angry with me. Regardless though of what my intentions were, I did not mean to sound that way. If you are reading this Corsair please accept my apology. I did not mean to make you feel attacked, or responsible, or anything like that. I hope that what I did has not caused you further distress or harm and that you have found as much joy as I once did in the collective. It may have its flaws but it is truly a good group to be a part of.  Thank you so much for reading this post if you have made it this far. I hope that I have explained myself clearly and that any ill will that I know many feel towards me may be softened by what I have said. I wish you all both within and without the collective the best for the future, and that you continue to have grand adventures. May we meet again someday as friends once more.  ~The Pyromancer