#i wrote this like weeks ago and put off posting it for some reason? prob finals szn kr smthing lol
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nuoc7mia · 3 years ago
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chit chat abt ch 62 for unripe 🍏 ^^
- i thought it was soooooooo sweet for cheol to figure out how to teach folk dancing in a way that best suits miae 。゚(゚´Д`゚)゚。 imo, it’s a (platonic or romantic) love language in its own right, figuring out how a person thinks in order to better serve them / help them out !!! it shows that he rlly does pay attention to miae bc it takes effort to notice those small details and that he is in it for the long run in terms of their friendship. it also rlly meshes well with his actual love language, which is acts of service. it’s one of the many reasons why i think their relationship is so unique/non-replicable within that universe of theirs, bc no one goes to the lengths that they go through to help each other out.
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- HI THAT FLASHBACK ??? the leakers didn’t tell me abt the whole stone path thing… and tg they didn’t LOL bc it rocked my world way more than it should’ve. i think it rlly changed my perception of their relationship from back when they were kids bc i thought it was pretty one-sided. with this reveal, tho, it seems now that cheol’s reciprocated miae’s interest in a friendship. after all, kids don’t typically do things like that for anyone out of the kindness of their heart; they do it bc there’s smthing at stake, bc they care at least to an extent abt the person who’s impacted by their eventual choice. that also COMPLETELY changes their interaction at the dumpster in the first few episodes imo, bc they aren’t necessarily starting from zero; cheol has shown before that he cares abt her and it most definitely is his friendship with her that he misses from the countryside. it’s also a bit tragic in that sense. bc he’s so distraught and worn down by his reality, he’s gotten to a point where crushing a past friendship is more palpable than being vulnerable again.
- am i reading this too deeply?? idk, it’s fun to make these theories LOL but it’s so interesting to see miae consistently turn down cheol’s offers of assistance bc that means it isn’t just a situational thing like the bullying incident, but rather it’s a pattern that reflects smthing abt miae as a person, yknow :3 i still think that just as much as cheol isn’t used to someone like miae having unconditional support/faith in him, miae isn’t fully used to someone who’s always willing to help her out, esp not someone who’s insistent on it. like obviously she has friends and family who lend support, but it only goes ip to an extent before she takes care of certain issues on her own (by punching them LOL). after some time, cheol is the one person who makes consistent offers to help and is willing to try and change himself as well as put in the energy needed to properly support miae.
- the sparkles around miae and cheol… what does that mean, hmmm? also the translator could be wrong, but i read smthing along the lines of “i feel uncomfortable,” which i don’t interpret literally, but more like “oh this is a situation that i’m not used to” bc something abt dancing with cheol is different from any other instance where she’s been in close contact with him. i won’t jump the gun and say that she likes him, but i do think she’s slowly becoming aware of cheol as someone beyond just a friend? we are seeing progress baby 🥸
this also might be one of my favorite chapters LOL ;; it was just v cute and heartwarming
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dubsxreader · 4 years ago
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worship the king //.o1 // shigaraki tomura x female!reader
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summary: after the soul crushing realization that you're not meant to be the Hero you've spent your life training to be, you hunt down the most indiscriminate killer you know: Dabi. his man-child of a leader being there only makes the task easier, right? too bad Shigaraki has a knack for seeing things in others they don't see themselves. wc: 3,312 playlist: here!
rated: M for dark and mature themes; future lewd tw: suicidal ideation (seriously don't read if you're in a bad mindset this probs won't help), depression, toxic thoughts, manipulation, the start of a v dependent, idolizing relationship ie "worship" in all definitions of the word haha. Shigs taking advantage of a mentally vulnerable hero basically; dead dove do not eat for that reason.
a/n: this is something I wrote almost year ago now, when I first fell head over heels for Shigs and really felt like bnha was saving me from insanity haha. I have 15 pages of notes for this fic, but for now, for the King's birthday, this is my thank you to him and a year of loving Shigaraki Tomura <3 also to the xreader community for being my gateway into every fandom that takes over my life haha. will be posted to ao3 later
You stand on a cracked, littered rooftop, sullenly looking over the calamity you figured would be destroying the lives of every day, happily unaware citizens tonight. A slight sigh of relief leaves your chewed-to-hell lips, hidden to your own addled mind but glaringly apparent to any of your fellow heroes who’d commented on your state of mind the past few months.
You appreciated their care, you really did—for all the surface level care it could give, that is. It wasn’t their fault they couldn’t understand. They were simply more Heroic than you, official capital and all. More driven, stronger, faster… But you’ve been doing the absolute best you can, and you were sure of that. Days–weeks months?–of harshly honest self speculation assured you of your failures and of the fact that, simply put, you weren’t cut out for shouldering multitudes of lives every time you stepped out your door. Heroism didn’t just end when you took off your costume; no, it was an ideology that should be ingrained into the soul of the costume wearer, and you’d come to the jarring conclusion that, after all your special training, you just weren’t up to snuff.
You couldn’t even save yourself from your own demons. How the hell were you supposed to save those more deserving of life if you couldn’t cope with your own shit?
A small, condescending snort leaves your nostrils as you observe the blue flames engulfing the area below you. Fucking worthless. What was the point, then? Hours of support Hero's work on your items, costume—wasted. The countless words of love and support from friends and family. Ha. Your eyes track the small movements of the current chaos’ perpetrators with a keenness you've found twisted comfort in recently. A familiar, all encompassing fixation gears up that brings you out of the cloud of self-doubt, hate, and deprecation that was so, so wrong to feel as a Pro-Hero in today’s society. In this bubble there's a solution, so it's okay. You let out a numbing breath.
Maybe you could give the Villains +1 morality in the eyes of whatever twisted being rested on their laurels, idly watching as you drive yourself insane.
A swift gust of wind knocks the empty cans and bottles from their peaceful resting places as you leave your perch, descending into the empty alley below to begin your last stand against yourself. Resolute and heavy steps echo in the widened, deserted streets of the city you vowed to protect—a small, still aware part of you thankful it’s so late at night that most would be sleeping. Your targets (saviors?) usually moved when they would make the most social impact, but you’d been tracking a certain member that didn’t seem to adhere to their strict schedule.
Whoever they were behind the obvious moniker, they seemed to kill liberally. It should be easy. You take a numbing breath.
The stench of burning flesh and ash is suddenly all too pungent, assaulting your senses enough to kick your mind into another, more logical plane and question how stupid you’re being. How disappointed everyone who knew you would be. Izuku and Hitoshi, especially, had been trying their hardest to devote extra time to you recently, you knew that—fuck, how selfish were you to bring their attention away from a goal they’d fought so hard to achieve?
The flames are smoldering char on concrete when you arrive at the end of another alleyway, just as dirty as the one you’d come from… But the incineration just seemed to have cleansed the way of its trash. You nearly sigh again in morbid relief when you see two men still standing there in the aftermath. You can see from behind that the man you’ve been tracking, Dabi, still has his left arm extended, as if relishing the memory of his flames destroying the ones he deemed unworthy.
Hands in your hero costume’s pockets, you steel yourself in your usual Hero emotions: indignation, conviction, disgust at the idea of them feeling they had a right to do anything going against the grain of the society you were indoctrinated into. You clear your throat with the last of your practiced confidence, bringing the sights of the two Villains to your own frame shadowed by the bright street lamp at your back.
“You two aren’t planning on getting away with this, are you?”
Your simple, deadpan drawl has both men scoffing to themselves and sharing a look of exasperation and annoyance. They clearly want nothing more than to be done with whatever the hell they were doing; your gaze sharpens in acknowledgment while their own take note of your hero costume. This is it. This is really it. You’ve done it. Is it really what you want?
Your eyes ice over, hardening to protect your vulnerabilities when they meet those of the second man’s own carmine flecks, so unflinching and so, so bored from behind his trademark hand.
Yeah. This is it.
Resignation freezing the rest of your visage and nothing left to say, you dash forward with simple physical speed, locking onto the Villain you recognize as the leader of the League of Villains himself. Sure, Dabi was a proven relentless killer, but you figure if you go after the leader himself there would be even less hesitation or time to think on either side. They were both reportedly unflinching, ruthless, uncaring and absolutely evil, but Shigaraki’s devilishness was practically beaten into you at this point. He was the obvious candidate, the oddness of his presence meaningless yet welcome at this point.
Your eyes never leave his as you take those last three lunging leaps, your arm cocked back in a hopeful show of some impressive power you might possess, in a display grand enough to paint yourself as a threat if not at the very least an annoyance.
Blue flames lick at the back of your costume. You’d somehow been faster than Dabi’s flames, which made no sense at all—you weren’t fast in any capacity if you were to judge yourself. It must’ve been a misfire. Lucky you’ve targeted the faster acting Villain.
Something distinctly odd flashes in his previously disinterested eye as you rush him, your Quirk barely powered yet still reflecting in his observation as you aim for the mask. Your own, in contradictory spite, slows as your mind races, brushing the hand enough to feel the inexplicitly soft and leathery texture, knocking it clean off the face of the man you’d targeted. Maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe it's the anticipation of the end, but you don’t feel anything near what you thought you’d feel when his living hand grazes your outstretched arm. If anything, it feels like an angry wasp had come at your elbow in some sort of misguided revenge attempt. Bearable.
Fucking livable.
You skid to a shaky stop feet behind them, your glare going to the small hole in your costume’s arm where he’d made the briefest of contact. The skin had only begun to crack and decay from a central point; nothing near the scale and intensity you’d been warned about by your superiors and peers. What the fuck gives?
A desperate rage threatens to erupt at the lack of damage. You feel cheated. Your eyes shift from the minimal damage to the apprehensive yet notably curious eyes of your chosen euthanasist. Was he just not taking you seriously? You didn’t blame him, but…
“I thought the League was the best of the best?” The sting in your arm is mockingly there and you scoff, barely hiding your indignation at his unfulfillment of the role you’d forced upon him. You take it and use it to fuel the crumbling foundation of your resolve, ashing it to the ground yourself and focus on the slightly slumped figure topped with white-blue hair.
His eyes are now magnetized and piercing, never wavering from your own, adding to your rage and confusion. Just what is he getting at, looking straight at you in the fucked up state you’re in and just–just fucking seeing–?! You aren’t looking for pity, fuck all if it's from the person you’ve deemed would have the balls you didn’t to end this shitty nightmare you live in. With a primal, anguished and utterly guttural scream you dash forward once more towards Shigaraki Tomura, hand erupting in a more accurate show of your true power.
Once again, he simply guides your attack away from him into empty space, this time with a deft shove of his index finger. Silent and calculating. You stumble on your feet as you land, ignoring the insulting sting, and turn to face them at a pace you know isn’t up to Hero standards but unable to even fake it anymore. Your eyes, though.
They fucking call to him.
How could he dust you? A Pro-Hero, coming at him alone, a deadly ally at his side, with what he knew from his research to be nowhere near their quirk’s power and potential?
Nevermind the look in your eyes he’d recognized immediately—this Hero was asking to be killed. Cracked lips twitch to grin at the situation. His mind works at full throttle to balance the possibilities.
“Heh…” The small breath leaves him, a smirk winning out and pulling at already taught skin, “You’re looking to die, aren’t you, Hero?”
Your brows furrow in… Fuck, you can’t identify your feelings at this point–they shouldn’t matter–they’d become obsolete the moment you took a swing at the supposedly impulsive and irrational Villain in charge. All you can feel is the overwhelming sense of weight, of pressure, of absolute and total CHAOS destroying any semblance of unity you’d pulled together to end this.
“What the fuck does that matter to you, Villain?!” Your glare is full of a rawness you can’t recognize, let alone mask, “Fucking fight me or die!”
His smirk, now fully on display, stretches to the smuggest of smiles as he takes his experimental first steps forward, casually retrieving the hit hand and placing it safely in his trench coat pocket. You weren’t immediately attacking him—hell, you weren’t even defending yourself! You’d only be more obvious if you’d delivered yourself to his doorstep tied in a bright, blood-red ribbon labeled “do what you want, I don’t care anymore!” It made his blood simmer, his skin itch in excitement at all the optional routes opened up before him.
Quickly, too quickly to deploy your defense {even if you wanted to}, he’s in your face and encircling your neck in a four fingered grasp. Your eyes vaguely mark Dabi looking on with a detached interest, and you can’t help but mirror his lack of understanding—your emotions and thoughts unfortunately too far past controllable to be hidden behind the usual Heroics.
“You could still serve a purpose, you know.”
Narrowed (e/c) eyes meet piercing, analytical rubies set to freeze and crumble enemies. You have no answer to that, none at all—if you hadn’t come across another anything while you’d been searching in earnest, how could it be tossed into your lap from the hands of a Villain? Your clear disbelief doesn’t deter him in the slightest. It only gives him the subtle signals he needs to ensure a dedicated new member of his team. This situation could only go well for him and the League, if he plays it right, and he’s thankful Dabi knows when to shut the hell up and take the back seat when he truly should.
He’s never seen Shigaraki’s version of recruitment before. After Dabi's climate destroying display, he could use a lesson.
On the edge though this Hero is, the line is thin and the touch needed is delicate and calculated.
“You can make a real difference in this rotten world,” Shigaraki slowly lowers his defensive arm and loosens his grip on your neck, conveying his intentions to calm you. He notices this strikes an especially sore nerve that you’re too unhinged to recognize. You’re taken over by your emotions, unable to distinguish that you’ve offered your weaknesses to your enemy on a silver platter. Disgusted rage he’s now certain is self-focused meets him, only bringing him a step closer to your frozen and highly panicked figure. His free fingers fidgets on the clammy skin of your neck, tapping a pattern across your throbbing pulse, expectant and soft while the other stays loosely, carefully, against your clavicle.
It's constant.
It's… calming?
No, it's fucking overwhelming and uncomfortable and— As if your body’s acting on the last vestiges of your studies, you struggle in his grasp and pull your dominate arm back, channeling all your sadness and panic you’d been unable to expel into the attack you hoped would just fucking end this fucking end this it’s done—
Another four fingered grip captures your wrist, directing your power away from anything important and only ruffling Dabi’s clothes as he watches on. You choke on a cry, near your mask’s end with Shigaraki’s unexpected patience. You’d been told this was nothing more than a spoiled, raging, calloused young man entirely unable to connect with any feelings other than his own selfish need to destroy all Heroes he came in contact with. The only conclusion your racing mind can come to is that he doesn’t even view you as a Hero worth destroying. Thick and torrid tears rush from your eyes, betraying your need to be recognized and being denied that luxury in your final moments.
“I can’t even get what I need from you fuckfaces—!” Your cry rings out, eyes shutting tightly, shaking with the force of your emotions finally finding the breaking point they need to crash through into the real world, “What the fuck can I do to make a fucking difference?!”
Shigaraki pauses to assess your sobbing. You’ve all but folded into yourself; you would’ve disintegrated against his hold on your neck if he hadn’t been paying attention. No… he sees you. He sees you. His fingered grip on your neck slides up to force your head to follow, meeting his sure gaze. You’re lost. You’re anxiously grasping at anything you can to stop the burning, itching need to destroy your own mind… And he gets that. He knows what it took to hook him tightly into his own mindset. He knows of seeing a seemingly impossible goal set before him, of feeling unworthy and needing to prove himself to his peers and himself. If anyone could reshape you... it would be him. If anyone were to reshape you... it should be him.
“It isn’t fair, is it…?” He starts slowly, voice dripping with cooing understanding, gauging your expressions and body, “You work so hard to be what others want you to be… And never feel enough, even when you put your all into it.” Your whole being shudders at his words, breaking down and melting into the pressure of your expectations for yourself. You choke on another messy sob, tears blinding you, snot nearly reaching your lips, a trail of drool unknowingly slipping from the corner of your grimacing lips.
“We’d never expect more than you can give, you know,” He all but whispers into your ear, his words echoing with staying power. You miss the tiniest bit of excitement he lets slip into his tone at the thought of corrupting a fairly strong Hero to his cause with mere psychological one-upmanship. The power over your entire existence is an intoxicating prize and he’s not about to let go of it if he can help it.
A sad cross between a whimper and a cry escapes you as you crumble even more into a hold you’d only come to for annihilation. Why wasn’t he killing you? Why weren’t you dead? You’d wanted to die, needed to just stop everything and just—just STOP, finally, just stop. He was a hardened criminal with no need for heroes, what the hell kind of use did he see in you? You still the tiniest bit. You just need a use, a tangible use, is that what you’ve been missing? A clear direction set before you by an overwhelmingly liberating, intelligent, capable force… Could he see it through all the absolute shit you covered yourself in?
A tentative spark lights the furthest parts of you as you finally meet his confident and knowing gaze. Fuck if you don’t feel seen for the first time in your life, finally seen and accepted for the absolute mess you see yourself as. The conflicting, philosophical doubts you’ve had about Heroism, and your own heroics in the existential race you call a life, find a peaceful place in Shigaraki Tomura’s vision.
It's an alien calm, a powerful sedative on your mind, leading you to melt into his look—telling him all he needed to know and more. The grin he sports widens and his eyes shift to give a silent command to Dabi, still (surprisingly) observing quietly, before changing your life indefinitely, “Follow me, little hero. You'll never be lost again.”
A deep, swirling purple warp gate you’d only seen in footage appears at the entrance to the alleyway.
The loose grip on your neck finally leaves completely, giving you ample room to escape up and out across the rooftops. You’re frozen in your battling thoughts at the suddenly very real decision in front of you.
You knew you weren’t good enough to be a Hero. You’d been struggling with the core beliefs on what the word even meant, if the world you’d been taught was even so black and white. Did you even want to die or did you just need someone to come and give you a purpose, some great refocusing direction? Someone to swoop in, recognize and acknowledge your pain before wiping it away and giving you something definite to live for? You knew you couldn’t make it as a Hero. You were nothing in that world. But maybe you could make that nothing existence, doomed to the weaker, better…?
Eyes nearly blinded before blinking down more streams of tears, you sniffle and take a tentative step towards the man looming tall over you, an umbrella shielding you from a brightness you couldn’t stand to be seen in. You harshly wipe your falling tears to watch Dabi walk swiftly into the portal, an unlit cigarette of some sort dangling from his patterned lips. Shigaraki steps to it much slower. He stops before he reaches it, twisting subtly to look at you from over his shoulder. He shouldn’t have to say anything more for you to follow, if his assumptions are correct—
They are.
Your first steps are slow but pick up speed quickly, feet nearly throwing you into his right side, at the mouth of the portal to a place described by your thoughts as no return. His eyes widen in delight, a manic grin following as he places the fingers of his left hand onto your head in a semblance of comfort. More than he ever got. His right arm wraps confidently around your waist, absurdly consoling to your rapidly evolving morals and needs.
It allows you to let it all go, though. It tells you someone more capable, more prepared is there. That he sees you and is keeping you alive because you’re useful to him. You can’t seem to care why when the overwhelming realization that such a powerful man saw you as you were, truly were, and still found a profound use for you in a world you were dying in takes a strong hold. You’re practically weightless as he guides you into the inky blackness of his caretaker’s portal, mind clicking into place and recognizing the distinct choice you’re making with a calm acceptance of this development in your life.
You were a useless hero. Perhaps this is your chance to prove you could make a difference to someone as a villain.
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a/n: thanks so much for reading!! :) hope you enjoyed~ happy birthday, Shigster! maann I wish he'd take me away ;w; drop of a hat, I'm gone lol. the ultimate escapism... yandere!Shigaraki! xD annyway, I hope you have a wonderful day~ <3
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bourbon-ontherocks · 5 years ago
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Author Meme
Tagged by - @riosnecktattoo @missmaxime @wakeupflawless (thanks babes!! 😘😘😘)
Tagging - I have absolutely no idea of who did it already so I’ll blindly tag @mamey2422 @sdktrs12 @xstrawmari @juuuunaaaaoooo and @nottonyharrison
Well I did this a while ago, but I guess a couple of things have changed ever since...
ao3 name: Well, not everything. It’s still BourbonOnTheRocks, haha!
fandoms: Still Good Girls. Graceland if you squint really hard, and hopefully Crazy Ex-Girlfriend one day...
number of fics: 16 (which is. Insane.)
fic I spent the most time on: Lol. It’s All Coming Back To Me has been a work in progress for like 8 months now, so it has to be this one? Although if one counts strictly in terms of time spent on it, and doesn’t includes the literal weeks I spend without actually opening my doc, it... still might be it because ugh, ten chapters already! But I did spend an unreasonable amount of time on Take A Dip too, and the more I go the more time I tend to spend on writing and editing, so it could be any fic... Also have you considered the highest time spent/words count ratio?? Cause that would probably change the answer a little bit.
fic I spent the least amount of time on:  Well, it’s still He’s not Dumb which was started from scratch, written and posted in less than three hours. I probably won’t ever reiterate this performance.
most hits: Still Love And War, for chronological reasons.
most kudos: The last time I played this game I predicted that It’s All Coming Back To Me would eventually top every category... And it probs would have. But then the kudos bombing happened (lol), so it’s finally Take A Dip (but directly followed by the former).
most comments: It’s All Coming Back To Me
most bookmarks: It’s All Coming Back To Me
highest total word count: Love And War
favourite fic I wrote: No. No. No. I won’t pick one favourite among my babies!!!! But I’m very satisfied at the moment with We're Living In A Powder Keg And Giving Off Sparks and Take A Dip. I put a lot of work in the characterizations, and these two were also my first post-S3 canon-ish fics and finding the right tone wasn’t easy, but both of those fics came out pretty satisfyingly.
Oh and I love my envelope crackfic too -- and not only because now Four Seasons In One Day isn’t alone anymore in the least kudos category -- but mostly because since I have a taste for angst, I hardly ever write tooootally fun stuff. I mean I try to bring some comical relief even in my darkest stories, but Envelopes Comin' In The Mail, Let Her Open 'Em was the first time I allowed myself to write something fully for the fun, which is something I don’t indulge in very often.
fic I want to rewrite/expand on: Oooooof... Obviously if I had an unlimited amount of time and motivation, I’d probably rewrite Love And War because it makes me cringe so much right now!!!! But I can’t say that such a prospect enthralls me at all. I also have a drafted ‘five years later” epilogue/fifth chapter to A Reason To Fight that I’m not sure I want to post yet, I haven’t decided if it would do any good to the story or not.
Other than that... I mean I already have too many new fics to write/edit, I’m not gonna start giving myself more work with expansions!!!
share a bit of a wip or story idea you’re working on: So I’m totally aware that the last time i played this game I shared a sneak peek to the Good Girls/Crazy Ex Girlfriend crossover promising it would come out soon, and it was like three months ago, and that fic’s still not on top of my posting list... I’ll try not to repeat my past mistakes, and will share an unedited excerpt of the second chapter of the Western AU, hoping that it will not eventually curse it, haha.
He watches her yanking the man down the other horse with quite a deliberate absence of care, and he'd swear she let him fall down the ground in purpose. The man loudly groans in protests and Rio can't completely repress a gasp at the sight of the man's face.
Now don't get him wrong. He's seen some pretty ugly shit back then in the army. It takes more than just a little blood to upset him, it's just -- it's the idea that she did this. Probably with her bare hands cause she exudes a general rejection of the basic concept of tools.
"Jeez, you could have spared his bone structure!" he scolds.
"Think he deserved it?" she immediately bites back with an irritated wave of her head as she inflicts a string of rapid kicks to the guy's butt until he's on his feet, his hands still tied up in his back.
As if on sync with her rhetorical question, the man spits some blood with a groan. Pretty sure there's a tooth too in the repulsive mixture that drops and draws a crimson star on the dusty ground.
"She's crazy, man! I might need facial surgery for that!" the man yelps in a high-pitched, strangled voice.
Rio smirks, takes his time to blatantly ignore the guy's complaint, his stare focused on her. She stares back at him, challenging, a light of triumph ready to ignite in her deep blue eyes. Cause obviously the pathetic loser whining in front oh him deserved it -- this and more. He can't contradict her on that. But...
"Ain't the point, sweetheart."
Elizabeth rolls her eyes with an exasperated glare.
  (Guess who the beaten up man is for another sneak peek!!!)
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twinkletoes-rp · 5 years ago
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6, 7, 19, 20, 30, 31, 32, 39, 40, 41, 43, 44, 45, 51 (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
Fanfiction Questions meme
6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.
Oh, geez... I’ve been involved in so many fandoms, LOL. I don’t really know if I can/should name them all. I’ll give you the ones (ONLY OTPs - doesn’t mean I don’t ship other things, too) I can think of off the top of my head.
Kiba/Hinata (Naruto), Fakir/Ahiru (Princess Tutu), Stiles/Derek (Teen Wolf), Kirito/Lisbeth (Sword Art Online), Harry/Hermione (Harry Potter), Goku/Bulma (Dragon Ball), Yusuke/Botan (Yu Yu Hakusho), Todoroki/Izuku (BNHA), (better!)Bakugo/Uraraka (BNHA), Toph/Aang (ATLA), and Adrien/Marinette (Miraculous Ladybug)!
7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.
(This isn’t meant to be hate on the ships I name! I just don’t ship them, that’s all! Ship and let ship! ;))
Naruto/Sasuke (Naruto), Kirito/Asuna (Sword Art Online), Ron/Hermione (Harry Potter), Harry/Ginny (Harry Potter), Goku/Chichi (Dragon Ball), Yusuke/Keiko (Yu Yu Hakusho), Bakugo/Izuku (BNHA), and Aang/Katara (ATLA).
19. Is there a ship (in your current fandom) which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?
I’m not sure I have a ‘current fandom’ since I live for, like, everything at once, but maybe technically Naruto would be it?
In that case (again, no offense to anyone - and removing the ‘I wish I could get behind’ part ‘cause I do not), NaruSasu. I just...don’t get it? At all? Maybe it’s the ‘what could have been’s or whatever, but when you just take the series at face value, that relationship is...really icky, at least to me, and that’s putting it lightly. It’s so damn unhealthy, especially for poor Naruto. They were never even friends, Sasuke always treated him like shit, and yet...?! *throws hands at half+ of OG series and virtually all of Shippuden* IDK, man. Something’s weird there, and I don’t like it. Can’t support that. Naruto deserves better, damn it. (*casually links her Naruto AU fic where he DOES get better (in more ways than one), TYVM*)
20. Any ships (in your current fandom) which you surprised yourself by liking?
Going with Naruto again, so. Hmm... I guess maybe Kankuro/Tenten? I didn’t even know that was a ship until a friend showed me a really good fic, and I was hooked! lol.
Another might be KakaObi, but only in AUs where Obito survives the cave in and gets out with Kakashi and Rin and recovers, continuing to be the sweetheart he is instead of the ass he turned out to be in canon. Because he, too, deserved better, damn it!
Another is one I might have made up, not sure (mostly in the context of my Naruto AU, NGL), lol: Karin/Shikamaru! It makes sense and there are lots of compelling reasons when you break it down! You know, 'cause Shikamaru would need (or probs at least prefer) someone on his smarts level, and she's a genius, too, just in a different way. And once she mellows out, Karin's really cool, and (in my AU) she grows to eventually adore Naruto (actually fights to defend/protect him in the Pein arc!), and anyone who loves Naruto is good in Shikamaru's book! lol. Plus, she can tell him when he has his genius brain twisted in too many directions, tell him he's being an idiot and help him figure things out in her different way. lol. IDK, I like it!
30. What inspires you to write?
I just...love writing?? I’ve wanted to be an author since I was 8-9 years old, started writing when I was 11, and I’ve been writing ever since! I’m 27 now! I’ve had a few dry spells, ofc, but I always end up coming back! I just feel like writing is in my blood (partly because, I like to joke, my last name is the title of one of Shakespeare’s plays, haha)!
Pretty much anything can inspire me to write, though. I’ll see a pretty flower and be like “OOH, that flower could feature perfectly in this chapter in this way!” and then write 1k about that! lol. Or I could read a review of one of my new chapters and end up thinking of something I’d never considered before and then write almost 3k on that alone (looking at you, middle section of Ch 6 of my Naruto AU, lol)!
Basically, if it sparks joy, I’m gonna write something! X’D
31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?
Nicest?? Hmm... I mean, I’ve had a lot of things said about my writing... Not sure I can really narrow it down? lol.
I guess the nicest things I’ve ever been told are when I make people cry (espec multiple times!) and actually feel the emotions the characters are feeling, that the characters and their development feel so real that it’s like they’re real people instead of fictional/they’re written so much better than the creator himself wrote them. (Been getting those a lot on my Naruto AU, actually. lol.)
32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?
I tend to prefer silence while I write, but sometimes, my house is loud and people keep breaking my concentration (house of 5, lots of animals, not the quietest, lol), I sometimes listen to music. I usually prefer instrumental, and then usually Naruto or Wolf’s Rain (sometimes Princess Tutu, too) instrumental tracks. The Naruto one I like best also has rain sounds mixed in, which is great because I love the sound of rain! Woo! (Here’s a link to that one if anyone else wants in on this! ;))
39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?
Emotions and getting into the nitty-gritty stuff therein. As an extremely visual, emotional writer, I’ve always been able to feel the emotions of the characters pretty much exactly how they’re feeling it in the moment and then put it on paper. I also make people cry a lot with my writing and get them to feel what the characters do, so that’s awesome! It’s always my goal to get my readers to feel things because then I feel like they’ve really connected with the story and characters I’ve written!
40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?
Transitions are dicks. Sometimes I struggle ‘cause it’s been, like, two seconds or five hours, and I don’t know how to show that, lol. If I can, espec with the last one, I just fade to black. lol.
Also, sometimes I feel like I use the same sentence structure a lot, mostly the ‘..., but...’ format (at least lately). It’s really annoying, and I worry my readers notice and get annoyed/think I suck because of it. lol.
41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:
“All the ways I say ‘I love you’” by Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 (Fandom: Ninjago)
“Paradise Lost” by AnchoredTether (Fandom: Voltron Legendary Defender (Zootopia-esque dark AU))
“where my armor ends” by dalniente (Fandom: She-Ra Princesses of Power)
“of cats and curses” by faerialchemist (Fandom: She-Ra Princesses of Power x Fruits Basket crossover)
“Mischief is its Own Reward” by dalniente (Fandom: Megamind)
43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?
I don’t really read Naruto fanfic too much anymore, so like...I guess, technically, another main fandom of mine right now is Fruits Basket, so: without a doubt, @kyosohmastan ! They’re my absolute favorite Fruits Basket fanfic author! Everyone’s so in character, the writing is so sweet and feelsy, steamy when it needs to be, and I really love the writing itself - it’s just so well done and beautiful and I die happily when they post a new fic or chapter? Ahhh! Plus, they’re just so nice and talented in so many ways, we have the same opinions on certain things (like Kakeru Manabe is Too Much(TM) for us, haha, no offense to those who like him! lol.), and I just really, really feel blessed to know and read their fics! Love them so! <3
44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?
I’m not sure which ship this is talking about? Hmm... But a ship I definitely think (have always thought) needs more attention is Kirito/Lisbeth from Sword Art Online! It’s so slept on, and that is a damn fucking shame because they’re so healthy and sweet and have so much more amazing potential than they’re given credit for (way freaking more than the actual canon couple, just sayin’, no offense to anyone who likes the pairing)! I have written a good few metas (and a fanfic) on the subject (some/most of which are on my Lisbeth RP blog, actually, lol)! If anyone wants to discuss/RP/anything involving this ship, please let me know! Would love it!
45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?
I’m not sure I have a favorite fic. But one that I always come back to (all of her (mostly G1) My Little Pony fics, actually - first found them when I was, like, 12, and have kept rereading over and over through the years, haha) is A Mother in Her Eyes by LoveLikeElena on FFN. It takes place in the author’s own MLP universe, but I love said universe so much, and her takes on the characters are amazing and so sweet! I love her look at the serious subjects that follow the characters through her ongong MLP series! <3
51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!
Fanfic readers have become really, really lazy. No one reviews anymore, maybe leave a kudos here and there if you’re lucky (I have a major love-hate (more hate) relationship with kudos...), and it’s so, so, so discouraging to us writers! I wish they knew how it felt, to be honest, espec the ones you know are reading, but just...don’t comment. It’s ridiculously disheartening to work so hard on something for days, weeks, even months or years on something, only to get basically nothing in return. It’s like posting into the void, and it sucks ass. It’s part of what made me quit writing for a good few years, actually, and I’m so sad to see that it’s still a thing. I comment on everything I read because I know how it feels and how much it hurt! It hurts like hell, especially because I remember how it used to be just 6-8 years ago when everyone commented! I desperately pray the fanfic/content consuming world fixes that really soon or we might lose some really amazing writers! Please, even an emoji or keyboard smash! I don’t care, I’ll take anything (and I know I’m not the only one)! <3
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bellismaperry · 6 years ago
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Idiot { Loki Fanfiction }
This my first Fanfic that I post here on tumblr. I literally just wrote this so theres a lot of grammer mistakes. I’ll promise I’ll get better haha. Hope you like it. It has a main Character but if you want like y/n you can do it. its how ever you want to read it! as long the message of the story is there I don’t care!. Please if you do like tell me to continue!! cause I will. I don’t know when I’ll post because I work and study. but I promise I will post. If want to be tagged pls dm. and will be tagged until its closed!. Hope you guys like this story I have had this idea for so long! hope you really like it like it like I do and lets see what the future holds! I present to you Idiot ( ps the cover is on its way ;) )
Warnings: None
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Tara Jones
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Loki Odinson
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Everybody was wearing black attire, with sad expressions. Losing a member of a team is one the hardest things ever. Its like losing a family member. After pushing away Tony’s reacter in the lake, I sat at the wooden porch with my legs in the lake.
God I am such an idiot . How could be so dumb?. I look around the people around me. There were new faces along with old ones. Tony had a lot of people who cared for him.
Strange looks at me looking around and walks over where I am sitting. “ I know its a funural and being happy is not an option, but why in particular you look like you killed some one”
I look up to him and shake my head. “ I messed up Stephen, big time and now its ony hitting me” I say as I move my feet around the water.
he takes a breath “ we all do that all the time Tara”
I shake my head and take my feet off the water and put them on the wooden porch. “ no but i seriously messed up. Theres a solution but it only make it hundred times more worst then it already is. And the worst part is I’m completely alone with it and just still a kid”
Strange Lowers down to my level as tears starts to fall off my face. “ You’re not alone, you have me and the rest of all the people here”
I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my shirt. and look down at my hands. “ Nobody can help because,
I’m pregnant with Loki’s baby” ..
Chapter one
My mother used to tell me that everything was for a reason and that god has set up for me for a good reason in my life. But what my mother didn’t tell me was that getting knocked up by a god at the age of 23 was the plan that a “god” had for me.
This was a whole new game for me and whats left of the avengers team but for overall for me mostly. Since I’m the one pushing the damn thing out of me in 9 months or so.
When I told Stephen that I was pregnant with Loki’s baby hell broke loose. Well let me rephrase that.
Fury wanted me to be locked up because I was connected with a war criminal. Carol wanted to blast me off for being so stupid. Bruce was scratching his head like fifty times at once because how in the hell I was going to give birth to a semi-god. Thor was the only one happy because he had at least some family left couldn’t wait to be a uncle and wanted me to give birth in New Asgard but soon that idea went away when he left with the guardians. And well lastly Stephen was in a screaming match with me for over an hour of how stupid moron idiotic person I am , of letting myself getting pregnant of a super galactic international war criminal. And honestly I couldn’t agree more with everything that happened.
It is stupid of me getting prego of a criminal, and even more when he’s like dead dead and probs never coming back. But at the same time who could blame? I was horny he was too, we both good looking people, we took the chance and honestly to what ever god I don’t regret what happened in that ship, one of the best nights of my life...
Sakarian Refugees Ship..
“Did that just-“ I get cut of by loki
“ Happen?, yes” he says as he sits up the against the bed head board.
I look up at him and smile. “ This was the most Idiot thing I ever done ” I say as I take a breath.
“really?” he asks as he pushes his hair away from his face.
I nod “ yea, but I don’t regret one bit of it” I say with a small smile.
Loki smiles at me and leans down to my face “ good because I don’t either” he leans closer and gives me a kiss. But is soon comes to an end as Thor voice enters the room.
“Loki! We need help theres a ship coming towards us and its not stopping after numerous calls of peace!”
Loki pulls away and takes a deep breath “ well I guess that the end of that” I grab one side of of his face and pass my fingers over his smooth skin. “ don’t worry theres going to be more” I say as I lean over to him for another kiss but I am stopped as the ship moves unexpectedly as like something shooting us.
I look at Loki worried and gives me the same look. “we need to get dressed now!” he says and I nod with him and as we both get off the bed and start getting dressed as fast we could...
Present
Now I’m sitting in a cold white bed in the ginecoligist office waiting to get my first ultra sound done. My case was the worlds most confusing ones. My baby was turn into dust inside of me after the bleep happend or so like Bruce likes to say, you had a dust baby for five years and when the snap was reversed your baby re appeared again. Every doctor in the country wanted to be my doctor and do it for free which man is every pregnant woman dream!. One of this things are so expensive its more expensive then a damn house.
But thanks to Pepper Recommendation I am here with her ginecologist who helped her tru her pregnancy. Which means i’m in very good hands.
“ok, i’m sorry for the wait Ms?” The Doctor aks as she sits in the chair and puts gloves on.
“Jones , Tara Jones” I say as I lift my shirt up and lean down in the bed.
“Ok Tara, My name Is Leslie Williams were going just going to check how the little baby is doing and let you on the basic stuff ok?” she says as she takes container with something jelly inside of it.
I smile and nod.
“ok perfect ,Lets see whats happening inside. I’m going to put this jelly in your stomach its going to feel cold but it will go in a few minutes” she says as she opens up the tube and pours our the cold jelly in my stomach. and starst moving the device around my stomach.
“ Is the Father coming later or”
I Swallow a bit and bite my lip “ no its just me”
“ Oh well, you’re going to be a great mother alone or not don’t let those bad anxieties take over ok. Everything is going to be ok. And in your particular case were going to do everything we can to make this process as painless and smooth as we can”. she says with a warm smile.
i give her a toothless smile. Cmo’n! I am giving birth to a semi-god. I can hear my screaming already. I had a dust baby. A DUST BABY that has to have complications somehow. I am human after all. and to make it all worst the one person who could tell me how this could go was strangled to death so thats great and awsome to start with.
“I mean its not going to be smooth it all. I am giving birth to a god. I am a simple human, the only special thing about me is my magic and this baby. Who’s Father is never going to be with me because a big purple alien with a purple ballsack of a face thought it was a good idea to get rid half of the population and stangle him to death until his eyes was crying blood and then go live in a farm like some red neck in tennessee. No its not going to be fine or smooth or happy or wonderful. So don’t be say things that won’t ever happen please.
The Doctor stares at me in shock. and proceeds to look for the baby. “ i’m sorry to hear that Ms Jones I had no idea.” she says as she keeps looking at the screen.
I take a deep breath pass my hands all over my face “ its ok, I’m used to it by now”
She nods. and when I was about to tell her that I was sorry of how I reacted she stared pointing to the screen and say “ there, theres it is. You’re baby. “
I look closer to the screen and see a tiny circle. A tiny innocent circle that was growing inisde of me. it looked like the size of a 5 peas together.
“you’re Four weeks in the pregnancy, the exams all look great, nothing looks like is altered by the bleep. It looks like you just got pregnant four weeks ago not five years ago. Which its is a medical miracle discovery. “ she says taking off her gloves.
I nod at her while still looking at the screen, I lean over and pass my fingers thru the screen. Thats my baby there. My circle god dust baby.
the Doctor looks at me and crosses her arms against her chest. “ do you want a picture of the ultra sound?”
I nod not looking way from the monitor “ yea”
the Doctor smiles and leaves the room.
I still stare at the monitor. Thats my and Loki’s baby. Who knew that a one-night stand with a god would have lead to this. It was stupid of me not using protection but what did i know? for all I thought humans couldn’t get pregnant by gods.
But I do know that is this is going to be a very bumpy ride... With my dust baby.
🦋—————————————————-
Thank you for reading the first chapter of Idiot hope you guys liked it!! remember to leave a comment, like and reblog pls! also if want to be tagged for the next chapter dm! bye love you guys! 🦋🦋
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an-organized-confusion · 4 years ago
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Thinking about a conversation with co-conspirator on the iZ!Creativitwin’s childhoods (additionally amusing since I gave ‘em a late-October birthday/s), with a slight retcon/expansion to this post:
Him: you know it just occurred to me (and i can't get over it) how many times growing up Remus probably started horrible rumors about Roman as a quick and easy way to get the leeches away from him
Me: i feel like this would be more an early rather than later childhood... and one of the many things remus said was insinuating that roman was a zombie... one of their nannies thought having them watch dawn of the dead was a great idea
Him: OH GOD nannies found it hilarious for years to dress them as zombies for halloween only pictures his parents have are literally zombified children Remus & Roman: "we've always looked like this?" Their Parents: checking the photos they actually have "Oh yea..." Remus & Roman however 100% forgot that detail that was just their decided response to their parents just a bewildered "How the fuck did that just get accepted so nonchalantly?" look shared between them
Me: i'm also stuck on picturing how they dealt w/ horror movies as kids too
Him: remus sat up in front of the tv squealing in delight as people got savaged roman hid under blankets peeking periodically
Me: I do kinda wonder tho - if their parents in that reunion really fully appreciates the zombie situation... even a tiny bit
Him: "you mean that'll give us more stamina for work?" "and all it takes is a worker disappearing every few weeks? Seriously, that's a good tradeoff"
Me: i feel like sentiments like that would make roman internally go "and i WANTED these people's my approval... wtf"
Him: and here i am, ruining roman's familial ties one touching moment at a time
Me: perversely their callousness abt human life kinda makes me think remus would definitely not be one to judge on that one - but also he kinda wrote them off ages ago... who cares about their fucked up value system i just also picture roman also getting disturbed by the whole "who cares about systemic murder-cannibalism? SIGN ME UP."
Him: "Morals? Did you think we climbed the corporate ladder with those?!"
Me: i mean remus def indulges in and janus is party to a lil murder-cannibalism here and there - bUT THIS
Him: "honestly it doesn't even need to be one of our workers. we could target a rival company and headhunt from them for corporate secrets"
Me: now i just have image of them srsly considering asking to be turned... but neither of the twins would give them that... luxury. for different reasons
Him: Roman & Remus: "Remember all those christmas gifts we asked for?" Their Parents: What christmas gifts? Roman & Remus: "Exactly" pettiest fucking reasons
Me: i feel like the gamut is wide tho... in between the the petty shit, they get bombs like “you think we'd give you something like this after all the BS you put us through?” "do you honestly think you deserve it?" granted mostly no-sells on the parents to introspect but they'll probs get offended for getting denied (at least roman might feel some catharsis for saying that stuff)
Him: Remus: "Remember when i needed bail?"
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dekumidoriyall · 6 years ago
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I am a wreck man. I liked it better when I could go home and cry alone. But now "home" is ykws place and he sees me cry and I'm over it.
And if I just leave the place to cry he will also notice bc he pays too much attention which I'm not mad at I guess it's better than him not noticing anything at all which would probably make it worse. Like I know my brain would turn that into "wow he doesn't even notice when you're upset he doesn't care at all" which my ex never noticed and that was exactly the case sometimes. But then again if I actually wanted to fake it I could, but I try not to as much bc that only makes me feel worse. I'd rather not fake it, bc one that's more exhausting, and two, my brain would again try to convince me no one notices bc they don't care. And then I have to tell myself , like yeah no shit jazz you're great at faking it. So I try not to fake it with ykw, I just tone it down a bit and then will lie about it. Which is dumb and I'm glad he called me out on it. And I get he shouldn't have to drag it out of me but also I really do feel my own thoughts are sometimes irrational which is why I double layer my thoughts and have to think about them. And then it sucks when I know I'm being sad or upset for a dumb reason and then he wants to ask me about it and it's like I already know I'm dumb for even thinking this but I don't want him to know how dumb I think i am sometimes. At least how dumb my first thoughts can be sometimes. Bc like I said, I'll tell myself hey that's nonsensical. I am rational believe it or not, it's just the second layer which I thank God I'm self aware enough to at least acknowledge when my own thoughts or feelings are being dumb.
But I have been feeling distant lately and I'm sad about that at a surface level, bc I know my language is quality time and v close after that is physical touch. Like I think QT is 11 and PT is 8, and then it goes words of affirmation at 7 and then acts of service at 4 (which is weird bc I actually think this is how I show it most but I don't receive it the same) and then of course receiving gifts at 0 bc y'all know I don't care jack shit at all for things or gifts or stuff.
And it sucks bc I just live there. It's like we've said. We're just friends. So at not just the surface level but at the second level, I get even more upset with myself for being upset in the first place bc it's like c'mon jazz it doesn't matter, y'all don't owe each other anything. Y'all can talk to whomever. Y'all can do whatever tf y'all want. Y'all aren't together. It doesn't really matter. You know me, I'm no good in the middle or with uncertainty. Uncertainty is my Achilles heel.
But idk he hasn't been as cuddly lately, doesn't do the hand to waist thing almost at all anymore. We had sex (which I know is opposite of physically distant) but I dont even know where that came from but I craved the small stuff so much that I was like I'll take this if this is all I can get. I mean don't get me wrong I thoroughly enjoyed it (although some foreplay would've been extra nice) and would ten ten do again but Physical touch isn't necessarily sex. For me it's the cuddling and the hugs and the orbiting and the almost hand holding and when the hand holding does happen it's nice. So it's not necessarily I'll take what I can get more so that I've been feeling a detachment and it was nice to feel wanted I guess. And i think this is what I like to use the most which is why I'm always like running my hands in his hair and beard and probably annoy him with the lack of physical space. But lately I feel I have to initiate all that or have to refrain completely bc I don't want to annoy him or suffocate him and again we aren't together so I shouldn't even be concerned with any of that. But I actually drafted a post about the sex thing but I couldn't even finish it bc I still am actually surprised by it. Like I honestly would've thought it was a dream if it weren't for me being sore. Like it had been months and wow it felt so great. But I literally have no idea where it came from. Literally a day before the boy and I were talking about a sermon about that. And don't get me wrong, I'd probably do it again, but there isn't a container at all right now. We aren't even dating and I can't justify it. Like of course I care about him and I have, ya know, those extra feelings, but as far as I know with him, I'm just a candidate. The "only candidate" as he put it a week or so ago, but who knows.
Again it comes back down to insecurity and uncertainty. But I put myself in this position. I started thinking about maybe I shouldve moved in with Momo but tbh I'd feel even more isolated and uncertain there so I cut that out thank God bc the enemy was really trying hard with that one.
Idk I guess nothing is really wrong it's just me I guess questioning my role in other people's lives. And I pray that I stop, bc at the end of the day it's just me and god and that relationship that matters.
Yeah I think my alignment is off, like pastor Steven furtick said in his contentment commandments sermon, if you feel like you're in a hurry, you're alignment is off. So I just need to refocus on God. Nothing else matters and I know it's easier said than done or even trying to convince me, but it won't stop me from trying.
Idk, I wish I cared less. About everything and everyone. All caring has ever gotten me is getting hurt.
And I don't want to talk about this which is why I'm writing it out. And if he needs to then I will try my best to talk it out and I don't want to not write on here bc I know he reads it, and I also don't want to refrain any of my feelings either bc this is the only way I can get them out. And sometimes I can't talk and be open about them and this is the next best thing. But I do promise to try. I am trying to be more open with him. And I wrote that thing about not being vulnerable with him and i don't want to go backwards. It was one of my intentions going into this year and I'm not gonna let one night that was bad timing ruin that. And honestly being vulnerable and open and honest with someone is very unlike me bc I am always on guard with people even though it doesn't seem it if you actually know me unless you're AJ or Kel who have gotten to know me under the surface bc even my daddy issues™ are open forum and I don't mind talking about that. But there are under the surface vulnerable feelings I've had on that that only few people know. So while it seems that I am open, I actually am always playing defense. Observing people and knowing more than I let on and feeling more than I let on. Idk I don't know if AJ gets the fact that I keep stuff to myself not bc I necessarily don't trust him, but bc the more people know about you the more they can hurt you. And idk aj knows more than Kel at this point when it comes to things that could potentially be used against me. And that's fucking terrifying.
And then always at the back of my head is this is all temporary. At any point he could get tired of me and I'd have to uproot and move again.
And you know what I have been giving him a lot of backstory lately. In the last month or so, since we had that talk about me being open, and since the first open up during Xmas and even before then when we kinda talked when we hot boxed the closet, I've been more open these past few weeks than I have the entirely of our friendship. And I don't get much back. I don't pry ever. It's not like I don't notice things. I just let him be and if he wants to tell me things then he can. Idk maybe he shows he cares by doing the prying and getting me to talk to him and tbh that's a good call bc if he didn't then I probs would spiral into a whole he doesn't care headspace. So I'm not gonna complain. And I hope he doesn't think that I don't care or notice, I just don't mind that he plays defense. Bc I do that with everyone. Well it's not that I don't mind, it's just i understand. But I notice when he gets heavy, and he won't talk to me about it or open up to me until after and even then he just brushes over it.
I don't know I feel like this post is going in circles but the more I write the more stuff is just coming to the forefront and i actually feel better but im not entirely sure any of this is coherent and also i probably misspoke on some things. But I feel better.
Long story short, I'll keep opening up bc it's something I haven't done so maybe it will be the thing that will help. And it's scary and I can't promise him 100 percent but I can promise to try and give more. I just need him to understand that I keep stuff to myself out of defense.
I'm not upset at him for anything even all the distance I've been feeling, it's just I'm sensitive to any slight change in behaviour, just like he is. He thinks he's the only keen one, and I'll give him props he's good, slightly better than me, I just don't speak on it. It doesn't bother me that he doesnt tell me everything. But my mind does go crazy with assumptions when I do notice any changes.
I just want us both to be light again. I think we've both been a bit heavy. I think we're both stressed about things that have nothing to do with each other but does affect our friendship.
We just both are people who get in our own heads. But we deal with it differently, which is okay. This is all a journey, a learning curve. And honestly it wont get better unless we both communicate better. But when neither of us likes to feel vulnerable or show weakness, it's kinda difficult. Especially me. I'm not gonna speak for him. I have to actively be aware of it. Its only 8 days into the yesr so I don't think I'm necessarily failing at choosing joy or opening up, I think it's the fact that I'm doing that is such a radical shift that I'm kinda grinding the gears within myself. So it's just growing pains.
Sorry for the long ass post I just needed a big mind dump and to turn my thoughts around from where they were bc I actually feel like I kinda made some progress within myself.
Anyway the other night was great, both AJ meeting my family and ya know coming back home. So I fully intend to still post that draft I was writing (I really still am in disbelief) bc it was about both those things. Just maybe when I let it sit for a bit longer. Also I kinda still wanna keep it for myself for a bit. I have a lot of thoughts about it. Good and maybe some, not bad, but just tangents I guess. So soon.
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datingadviceonreddit · 8 years ago
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A quick backstory. She is 20, and a bit shy. Anyways this guy she was seeing was also talking to other girls. They broke up. She messages me asking to take her somewhere for Valentines via a little meme card. I laughed, but asked her out in person two weeks later after she kept mentioning drinking alone. She said "Ah I figured id just drink alone". I said okay no prob! We kept talking, I sat next to her in class, then two weeks later she comes crying saying she wish she would've accepted. Told her id bring her to a Hockey game. She kept sending flirty little memes and snapchat selfies for a few weeks, during our week long break she told me she was a bad girl.I sent her a picture of a girl getting spanked, but I stopped there. I didn't keep flirting for some reason I felt like she was a bit shy and I just wanted her to come out with me. A day or two later I remember her saying "your boring" out of no where, and we kept talking. After the break we met up and she seemed a bit quiet at first. After like 15-20 min she was okay, but again she says, "you're such a bad texter". I just thought it was random since we text ALOT. After we met up to study I left and texted her making sure she was still good with the Hockey game. She said yeah sure I like hockey when is it.I know she met up with some guy she met and started talking to on that day since she told me "he had to drive her home since he left stuff at her house". I didn't say anything though. Anyways the day of the game comes around and we are sitting super close. Her foot kept bumping my leg. I touched her hand to ask her what this bump was.. ect. So during the game I randomly tried to get our pic and she wasn't too happy. She said she hates pictures. Which she does just based off her FB. Like 40 min later I put my hand around her and she goes "I dont really like it." She moved away from me a bit, and wouldn't look at me but kept talking.I apologized then next day and she goes "uh yeah it made me uncomfortable since I'm seeing someone". I mention how I thought we had kinda agreed to a date, we sorta argued a bit and I left. At first I thought she might have thought I was just messing with her so I left her a letter explaining everything (she is the nerdy type so I thought it might help explain) but it just made everything worst. She didn't really want to speak after that.Until I made a post about "Lets see how this date goes". She instantly had to ask who it was and where she was from, ect. She included me in a snap of some beer this guy bought her "When your guy gets you beer". Like she got jealous. She also sent me a snapchat of some grilled cheese she made. I noticed on our Anonymous School app she knows I look at, she posted the exact same picture with the caption "When the sex is bad but the grilled cheese keeps you going back" Like she wanted me to see it. I sent a pic of myself doing homework with a hot girl in the background and she replayed it and send all the emojiis with tongue and water ect ect.Now its been like 3 months, and she always instantly responds to my Snapchat stories or messages I send her again, but I know she still talks to this other guy. A few days ago we talked for an hour or so. She always has some smart remark to say so I said "Damn bratty girl" and she goes "Im a spoiled brat". I said see girls like this should be spanked. And she goes "I don't know what your talking about I'm such a kind person". Then the lame letter I wrote came up and she gave a one word response so I quit messaging her.I just removed her off my Facebook without saying anything. I don't know. We were talking about people flirting the other day too, and I said "good thing I thought you were a shy nerd or you would've heard what I wanted to do to you" She goes "I am shy" and we just talked about that for a bit. via /r/dating_advice
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