#i wrote this a while ago and i'm still pretty nervous about posting

[deepforestgender]

Short story I was kind of proud of:

Atlas was rushing towards the forest, away from the furious shouting and the undeniable click of a firearm being reloaded. They had known that sneaking into a farm in rural Texas could only end badly, but the piercing hunger they felt eventually convinced them to take the risk. As Atlas reached the woods, safe but empty handed, they once again considered begging for food in town but knew that would most likely lead to trouble. People seeing some homeless person seemingly in their teens would lead to them getting stuck in the foster care system, which would be quite the hassle. Neither hunger nor the shotguns of their robbery victims would kill them anyway, but both were still very uncomfortable. While Atlas sat under the trees lit up by the rising sun, pondering over what to do, they thought over how they even got here.

Atlas had existed longer than anyone could remember, themself included. They had never had anyone to guide them or tell them about their origin, so they were left asking. Most of their existence had faded out of their memory, and they could only recall a fraction of the many things they had experienced. They had encountered people from vastly different times and parts of the world, and had been treated many different ways. Some people saw them as a god, others as a monster. Atlas always preferred being treated like a person though. While real friendships of theirs were scarce and short lived, it always started with that. Someone saw a person when everyone else saw something nonhuman.

Atlas had used many different names during their time, but when they spent some time in Greece during the early 400s B.C. they encountered the name Atlas. It stuck out to them and they decided to use it for the time being. Since then it had simply stuck around.

When the Cold War ended, Atlas had thought it would be a great idea to head to the U.S. to see what had changed during the last 100 years or so, a decision they would come to gravely regret. Now they sat here in some woods in rural Texas, contemplating whether it would be worth risking their freedom to get some food.

Soon they began to feel their thoughts slowing down. The morning had turned into early day, and with it came the heat. Eventually, when their mind just felt like mush, Atlas decided that cooling off came first. They could fix the food problem afterwards. There was a small stream running through the forest in front of them, hopefully it would lead to something big enough to cool them down. Atlas started wandering along the stream while slowly whistling to themself, and the further down the stream they went the deeper the forest felt. The trees went from exaggerated bushes to magnificent oaks, the mostly visible sky shifted into a thick green ceiling, and a scent of flowers and moss replaced the smell of arid dirt. While the forest got more and more forest-y, Atlas’s confusion grew. How was there such a dense forest in the middle of Texas?

Eventually they reached a large clearing in the woods, and the stream finally led them to what they were looking for. A large pond, located in the middle of the glade. With a sigh of relief, Atlas pulled off their sweaty shirt and threw themself into the pond. The feeling of the cool water flowing around their body could only be described as angelic, and for a couple of seconds they forgot how hungry they were. The feeling of total euphoria didn’t last long though, as their empty stomach didn’t simply disappear. That’s when they realized the abundance of fruit trees and berry bushes around them.

“This simply must be paradise”, Atlas thought to themself before feasting. They didn’t know how much time had gone by as they sat on the ground gorging upon a berry bush, when a gust of cold air hit them. They turned around to see a dark silhouette behind them. Standing there was a tall woman in a long black dress looking at them. She wore multiple small gold chains around her neck and in her ears hung small dream catchers with seemingly infinite intricacy and detail. Her straight black hair flowed around her, framing her pale face. Her cold eyes, while not hostile, felt unavoidable and across them passed a quick look of surprise before returning to a satisfactory determination. “Hello Atlas,” she greeted pleasantly.

Atlas felt a sudden rush of fear.

“Who’s this? Why does she know my name? Is she here to take me?”, rushed through their mind. Seeing her made them suddenly remember all the times they got burned at the stake, lost most of their blood, or fell to what should have been their death. The lady saw Atlas' eyes fill with pain and fear, and said “You don’t have to worry, that pain will never return.” Upon seeing their questioning expression she added “I guess you expected to never meet me.” She held out a welcoming hand. “I am Death. Nice to meet you.”

Atlas’s panic was defeated by their curiosity and they couldn’t stop themself from asking what they had wondered their entire life. “Do you know where I came from?”, they asked. Death looked amused. “I do, and I intend to tell you, but I’ll want to do one thing for me after it.” “Sure!”, Atlas answered, too excited about finally knowing the full story to worry about what it could mean.

“For a long time the Earth was a barren place… and so was my heart. Until she appeared and changed everything. My darling, my love and the greatest on Earth. You humans call her Life.” In Death’s eyes appeared a pleasant warmth for a moment before she returned to the story. “She had quite the passion for creation and always came up with new stuff. Most of the time I got to clean up after her, but it was all oh so worth it. Seeing and sometimes receiving her amazing creations were the greatest of joys. Humans were one of her latest big projects and she went all out with multiple design phases and drafts.” She smirked thinking back to her girlfriend’s obsessions. “That’s how you came into the picture. You were one of the first mostly complete drafts, and therefore never really brought to reality. That was the plan at least.” Death let out a heavy sigh. Though challenging, Atlas managed to keep themself from asking about anything. The truth about their background was more important than answers to unnecessary philosophical questions such as what happens after death. She continued.

“During one of our date nights she went a bit heavy on the wine, and in her very drunken state she decided to go through her series materials and creations. The result was your existence.”

Death paused before further explaining, “The next day she woke up, so utterly embarrassed that she didn’t speak of what had happened. Therefore I didn’t know and couldn’t take you back when I should have. That was, until last night when she finally told me, and we decided to find you.”

There it was. The answer Atlas had been looking for their entire life. Suddenly, the question that they had been asking for so long didn’t feel that important anymore. Atlas didn’t know how to feel or react, so they simply stood there for a while. Death patiently waited for them, being quite experienced with people feeling existential dread.

Eventually Atlas looked up into Death’s eyes with an almost defeated look. “What do you want me to do?”, Atlas asked Death. “I think you already know”, Death answered with an indecipherable look. While looking into the comfortable infinity that was Death’s eyes, the realization dawned on them. The knowledge of their background wasn’t the only unobtainable thing that would finally be accessible for them. Something that they had long since given up on, and stopped hoping for. The possibility of following all their loved ones, when they all inevitably left them. The ability to leave the Earth before the Earth left them. Atlas would finally die.

That thought overwhelmed them. After watching everyone they ever met eventually die, over and over again, they simply grew numb. Now, with the relief of an end in sight, all the grief came bubbling back, and their eyes began to water. For the first time in centuries, Atlas cried.

Death, watching Atlas’s emotions unfold, opened her arms for them. She felt quite the sympathy for this person, walking the Earth for such a long time with no one to truly know them. Humans weren’t made for that kind of strain.

Atlas fell into her comforting embrace with a sense of catharsis. When they stepped back they were bleeding. All the wounds and all the damage that should have killed them had returned, but there was no pain. They fell to their knees on the wet grass, and when they looked up there stood a second figure next to Death. With luscious golden hair, and a round face wearing an apologetic smile, there stood a woman. “I’m sorry for the trouble. I hope you had a good one”, Life said. “I wish you the best.” As Atlas’s vision faded, Life grabbed Death’s hand and waved.

Atlas smiled.

[loganlermanstanaccount]

Show me where it hurts (part 1)

Miguel O'Hara x spiderwoman!reader

(AO3 Mirror), Part 2, Main Masterlist

summary: Miguel's acting weird, and you make it your mission to find out exactly what's going on.

warnings: no warnings for this chap, pg-13, swearing and canon level violence. smut next chapter xoxo

a/n: this is a combination of 2 asks and this post I saw on here a while ago: flirty/ snarky fem reader, Miguel during a ""rut"" (I don't know if it counts as a rut really, but its to do with his animal instincts/DNA) and Lyla playing matchmaker.  I had so much fun writing this, enjoy :D

(i wrote this pre seeing spiderverse 2, so i think characterisation is a little off, esp for Lyla, apologies! I'll fix it in my upcoming fics)

edit: I use the term "bichita" which I have been informed can be read not as I intended in Spanish. I'm not a native speaker so I want to apologise in advance. I'm doing more research for my future fics and leaving this up as a testament to my stupidity. Spanish speakers, feel free to correct me / clown my ass in the comments. My bad guys :(

wc: 3.6k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You think Miguel is avoiding you. 

One of your closest friends, giving you the runaround for months, it seems. Calling the two of you close friends is a little extreme, sure. You've only known O'Hara for two years, and been in love with him for slightly less than that, thank you very much. And yes, he refuses to call you by anything but your last name. And the last time you saw him he wouldn't so much as look at you, but that was besides the point. 

"..the point," You tell Lyla, in between exasperated bites of cereal, "... is that aren't elite forces of spiderpeople supposed to, you know, have some spiderpeople kick ass once in a while? And where exactly is our fearless leader? I haven't seen O'Hara's scary ass in weeks, and I'm starting to miss it."

She gives you a look, one that says this isn't what I'm programmed for , but you pointedly ignore it. 

"His ass, by the way." You clarify. "I very specifically miss his ass. Remind me to get his routine. I know girls that would kill for…"

"How the fuck did you get in here?" A voice croaks. You turn behind you and see Miguel, not in his suit, but wrapped up in a blanket like he's just woken up. And he looks rough, like a train ran him over on the way here: puffy eyes, splotchy skin, tension kneaded into his brow. 

"Wow." Your spoon drops into the milk. "You look like shit.." 

He furrows his brow even deeper, if that was possible. " Mierda. You shouldn't be here." 

"This isn't quite the welcome party I was expecting, man. I'm the only one to actually turn up to one of your meetings, and this is what I get?" 

"I thought I told Lyla to cancel," He mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Cancel? Since when do you miss a chance to talk about rules and protocol?" 

"I don't have time for this-" 

"-and I'm not leaving without a proper explanation. Is everything okay?" 

"It's actually way worse now you're here." He deadpans. 

"Haha ." You turn to Lyla. "You drop everything to travel halfway across the multiverse and this asshole won't even say thanks." 

"Thanks, but this asshole needs you to leave. Now." 

This is the most he's spoken to you in forever, and you hate that you like it. You just want his attention, however it comes. If that means dragging this out so maybe he acknowledges you, touches you, looks at you - then so be it. Squinting, you get closer to him. You scan his face for anything to latch onto. You put a hand on his shoulder, still searching. 

"You sure you're alright? You know you can tell me if-" 

"Si, si." He grits his teeth, looking away. "M'just fine. I'll explain…. later."

"...because I'm your right hand man?" You grin, poking at his brow. "Stop frowning so much Miguel, you're gonna ruin that pretty face of yours."

He flushes, nervous, and swats you away. "-what? N-No. You're not my right hand man and I like my face just the way it is. Now, leave. "

Making your way to the door, you tap your nose teasingly. "You know where to find me!" 

When the door closes with a click, you make your way down the corridor, and stop in your tracks when you hear it. It's muffled, but with the strain of your supersenses you can make out Miguel's voice just beyond the wall. 

"I just…. don't want her to see me like this… Lyla, it's not happening… I can't tell her…." Tell her what, exactly? 

Resolutely, you make up your mind. Miguel O'Hara's got a secret. And before you leave for home, you're gonna do everything in your God given power to wear him down and find out. 

~~~

Despite his insistence otherwise, you liked to think of yourself as O'Hara's right hand man - and most of the other spiderpeople thought so too. You were one of the very first he recruited, after crash landing onto your earth like a spiderman-shaped meteor; the two of you were inseparable. Miguel was stubborn and headstrong and thought he was right all the time. Infuriatingly, he was, but that didn't stop you from telling him to get his head out of his own ass when his ego grew too big. 

He was different around you, you think. Softer, sometimes. Harsher, other times. He told you what you needed to hear whether you wanted to or not; the result of mutual respect and agonising persistence. Slowly, you had chipped away his hard exterior; the one he built because he thought he needed to push people away. In that regard, you were similar, but this need manifested in you like a weed - an awful, awful compulsion to joke and laugh at your own expense, to keep others at an arm's length. You had spent your whole life picking and pruning away at yourself, looking for perfection. Even after all this, multiverse-hopping and fighting alongside people who were the closest things you had to friends , it wasn't enough. There was still something missing. 

Ironically, Miguel had told you something similar the one of the last times you had spoken. You had fucked up a mission, well and truly. In the aftermath, all you can remember is coming back to base, limping on Jessica's arm. 

"She's hurt!" She cries out. Lyla materialises and leads you both to the med bay, inspecting any visible wounds. There's a deep laceration, sticky with blood, at the base of your stomach. You shift onto the bed and hiss with pain. 

Miguel is quick to follow, face twisted with confusion, pain, sadness. Even in your haze, you feel the tension radiating off of him as he drags over a cart of supplies. 

"What happened?" He strains. 

"I don't even… it happened so fast. We got ambushed, and all of a sudden I'm on the ground. I wasn't thinking straight and… " She sobs. "...she jumped in front of me. God, she saved my life-" 

"-wasn't your fault, Jess." You croak, trying to sit up. "And I'm fine. Just need to walk it off…"

"Sit, bichita," His nickname makes you frown, despite yourself, and you settle back down. "Lyla, what's the damage?"

Your vision goes spotty, and Lyla's voice barely registers. All you can feel is searing pain in your side, but Miguel is warm, oh so warm. You clutch his arms, and force him to look you in the eye. 

"M'ready, Miguel." He nods weakly, but you don't think he understands. "I mean it . I can lead, j-just need another chance and I won't let you down… Jess, tell him that I can-" 

"It's okay. I believe you. You just need to relax for me, hmm?" He clutches at your hand, tight, and it's like you're the only two people in the world. "You did good. I promise."

Faintly, you nod. You feel a pinch at your arm, and Jessica's there, with an empty vial of something in her hands. The pain washes over you, and you fight to keep your eyes open. In those last few moments of light, you swear you feel a shaky kiss pressed to your temple. 

"Sleep, mi bichito amoroso. Sleep."

When you come to, you're still in the medbay, moonlight streaming through. Well, artificial moonlight. Time worked a little differently here, something Miguel explained to you a while ago - God knows what about dilation and quantum interference. It makes you smile now, remembering his frustration as he tried to explain to no avail. You were the only spiderman this side of the multiverse without a degree in quantum tech, you had said with a lopsided smile. 

You move to sit, and pain shoots up your side. Groaning, you push through it, determined to get out of this bed and find the others. As if on cue, Miguel walks in, almost leaping towards you. 

"You should… mierda ! You should be resting in bed."

You pout as you stumble into his chest. He hooks an arm around you and leads you back. You clamber in, sighing. "M'fine, O'Hara."

"Your guts were halfway out of your body less than 24 hours ago. So stay put, or you might give me another heart attack."

You scoff, incredulous. "You were worried?" 

He shrugs. " 'Course I was."

"Why? You know I'm practically indestructible." You give him a shit eating grin, and poke the frown appearing at his brow. He doesn't bat you away like he usually does. 

"Famous last words, bichita." He sighs. You can't speak a lick of Spanish, but you know he only calls you that word when you've frustrated him to his limit. So you take it as a win, for now. 

He drops into the chair next to you. "How are you feeling?" 

"Just peachy, dollface." You wink, and he doesn't so much as groan. 

"I'm being serious. You went through something pretty traumatic…"

"You want me to tell you it hurts, so, so bad, daddy? " You pout and flutter your eyelashes mockingly. Miguel shifts in his seat, unable to make eye contact. 

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, O'Hara? I feel fine. And in a couple of days, I'll feel even better, and I'll be up and about. I can finish what we started and-" 

"-no, absolutely not." He frowns. "A couple of days? I'm sending you home-" 

"You can't do that! On whose fucking authority?"

"On the authority of you almost fucking died ! Keeping you safe is our priority right now-" 

"God, is this my punishment? This is a low blow, O'Hara. You know how hard I've worked for this: months of surveillance and intel a-and I did everything by the book, just like you told me to." You croak. "I fucked up . I know that, and I feel terrible. Give me a chance to make things right; that's all I'm asking. I can do it, I know it. "

He looks at you for a moment, something heavy in his expression. His face contorted, he strips you down to the bone with just his gaze. His voice is so quiet, you almost miss it. 

"....you're still trying to prove yourself, aren't you?"

Honestly, it catches you off guard. You don't even know what the fuck that means, let alone why he said it.

"I don't… I d-don't…?" 

"They all love you. Respect you. More than me I think, sometimes." He chuckles at that. "You're good at what you do. The best . What else are you trying to prove? What else do you need ?" 

Your throat goes dry. You couldn't speak if you wanted to. 

"I'm not punishing you. You made a mistake, but you don't need to be crucified for it. I just want to keep you safe. I can't… we can't lose you."

"Miguel-"

"-this isn't a discussion. And I'm not trying to argue, although I know how much you like to argue." He inches closer, cupping your face gently. You try to move away, blinking back tears. But his hands are steady and he strokes your jaw with so much tenderness you think you hear your heart break. He's pretty, so pretty. You don't deserve him, you think. "There'll be time to fight, bichita. Rest. That's your mission right now."

"C-can't sleep." You breathe. "It hurts." 

Miguel pauses, head tilted like he's thinking. He taps your shoulder. "Scoot over."

You do as he says, and he slips into the bed with you. It's a tight fit, but he manages, placing you on his chest with an arm gently around your shoulders. You bury your face in his hoodie, sniffling and hoping he doesn't notice you choking back sobs. Absentmindedly, he settles into a rhythm, gentle breathing and playing with your hair, soothing you softly. He pretends he can't hear the tears. 

"M'gonna stay here until you're asleep. For as long as you need."

You nod, unable to speak for fear of breaking down. 

~~~

The days after felt like a blur. You woke up to Miguel gone, and an ache in your heart. Jess visits as much as she can, and Ben calls you a couple times, to see if you're okay. Peter B brings Mayday, and she clambers all over your bed, bringing some life into the room. Miguel doesn't visit per se - you hear whispers of him, Lyla visiting in his stead for comprehensive status updates. Once, you wake up in the night to see him on the adjacent chair, head lolling in deep sleep. He looks peaceful, calm - one of the first times you haven't seen his brow furrowed with worry. Of course, he's gone by the morning. 

The very last time you saw him, he opened the portal home. It was weird, after everything, but if Miguel felt the same you wouldn't know. Talking at a thousand miles a minute, he alternates between assuring you they'll be fine without you and situation reports from spider people all across the multiverse. Things you'd missed whilst bedbound, asking for advice before you left. He trusted your judgement and the thought warmed your heart, almost making you forget that he completely brushed past the previous nights before. 

You still remember the last thing he had said to you, which would've been weeks ago, now. 

"...and if you need anything, and I mean anything, you call me directly. Not Jess, not Ben, and certainly not Peter B. Call me, and I'll answer, I promise. You need help, you need advice, you just need someone to talk to, then-"

"-I call you. I get it, O'Hara. Will do." He opens the portal, watching as you walk towards it. He can't take his eyes off of you, even though you can't see him. At the last moment you turn, and run towards him. You almost knock him over with a hug. Burying his head in the crook of your shoulder, he hugs you back, ever careful of your injury. Separating, your smile almost knocks him over again. Weakly, he smiles back as you head through the portal, back home. 

You're left with that feeling, of his arms around your body - warm, so warm - as you putter about by the switchboard. After careful deliberation (you were really, really bored ) you'd taken to manage the Multi Modal Multiversal Switchboard - as aptly named by Miguel. Everyone else called it the Big Red Phone of course, but he had insisted on calling it by its proper name . Every. Time. 

The thought makes you chuckle as you call up Peter B. His icon flashes on the screen in front of you. With a click, he picks up the call, his face materialising holographically in front you. A little hand reaches up and tugs at his ear. 

"Ow… ouch … Dad's on the phone, honey."

"Aww! How's my favourite Parker doing?" 

"Not bad, actually! MJ just made us probably the best burger this side of New York-"

"-sorry, Peter? Me and May are trying to have a conversation." You hear her giggle in the background. Her gap toothed grin pops into frame and she babbles excitedly. "...yeah, exactly May. That's literally what I said."

"Okay, okay, that's enough." He puts the toddler down and watches her scurry away. "You're feeling better, I see."

"Yeah, back in action. Thought I'd check in."

"All good here." He squints, trying to take in your surroundings. "You're at HQ?" 

You hum.

"Could've sworn Lyla cancelled…"

"Yeah, didn't get the memo. But I think something's wrong with O'Hara."

He gives you a weird look. "Uhhh, what makes you think that?" 

"He won't even look at me. Was it something I said? Something I did?" Your eyes narrow. "...what do you know, Peter?"

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" He scoffs, a little too quickly, clutching his chest like you've offended him. He's stared down some of the scariest villains around, but the look you give him is truly chilling. "Just… uhhh. You didn't hear this from me." 

"Naturally…"

"We tracked 'em down, the guys that ambushed you and Jessica."

"The Sinister Six? From Earth-215?"

"Yeah, but by the time we got there, it was just Kraven and some of his goons. Miguel got there first, and…." He gulps. "He was pissed. Trashed the whole place looking for the rest of 'em. Beat Kraven half to death and we had to pull him off."

"Shit."

"Yeah, it was pretty rough. Never seen him like that before. And just generally? He'd been weirdly quiet, a little grumpy, more aggressive on missions. I don't know what's gotten into him."

"Hmmm. Thanks, Pete."

"No problem, sweetheart. And if the big guy asks… "

"...this didn't come from you, I know." Weakly, you smile. "Say hi to my favourite Parkers, for me." 

" 'Course I will. We should celebrate, if you're back officially. Mine and MJ's is always open."

"Good to know. I'll see you around."

He waves goodbye, and the hologram clicks off. Sighing, you try to piece together what you've just heard. 

Miguel: acting weird. Well, you knew that already. Aggressive was new. And Lyla? She had canceled, but not for you, for some reason. An honest mistake, perhaps. But Lyla doesn't make mistakes… 

You stew for a couple of hours, puttering about the switchboard, twiddling your thumbs. Something's wrong, and for some reason you're afraid to see him. To have him look straight through you, again, when you ask to do the same. Show me where it hurts. Tell me how to make it better.  

On the way there, you chew your lip in anticipation. In the corridor, you're outside the door to his place, hand hovering above the door. To knock, to call. In the harsh fluorescent light, you hesitate. 

"Lyla?" Nervously, you sink down onto the floor. It's hard to explain, but you don't expect her to actually come; to materialise in front of you. 

"How can I assist you?" She says with a ding. 

"Uhh… hi. Just wanted to talk." You pause, clicking your tongue. "Can you be honest with me?" 

"I can only be honest with you. It is not in my programming to lie, unless specified by my owner."

"Sure. Cool. It's about him, actually. Is Miguel okay?" 

She tilts her head, as if processing your request. "Okay is a subjective term. Is Mr O'Hara alive? Yes. Is Mr O'Hara physically well? Yes. By those terms, he is okay ."

Too vague for your own liking. "I guess I meant more… his emotional state. To the best of your knowledge… in your opinion , Lyla: is Miguel okay?" 

"...I believe Mr O'Hara is experiencing some emotional turmoil."

You frown. "Oh. Do you know why?" 

"Mr O'Hara has instructed me not to disclose that information with you."

"Fair enough. But you don't have to tell me… I could just ask questions?" 

She nods. "There is nothing in my programming that prevents me from answering some questions within certain parameters." 

"Did I do something? Not just today but… last time I was here. Did I say something to hurt or upset him? Is that why he's acting weird?"

"No." She says blankly. "And yes. I suppose it is… complicated." She gestures around that word. 

"I'm a little confused, Lyla."

She sits next to you, on the cool tile. Not that she could feel it, but it feels more intimate - like two friends talking. The extent of Lyla's consciousness, you weren't sure of. Was she alive? To you, she might as well be. Could she think, feel, emote? Maybe, maybe not. You weren't smart enough to understand the nuances of her programming. But you were human enough to see it in her - something glittering beyond the surface. 

It could be projection, but you swear her voice is softer. "He has a name for you. When he speaks about you, and to you. I have it logged in my memory database. Do you know what that is?" You shake your head. 

Lyla opens up her palm and projects videos and images - little Miguel's popping up in her palm, tinny and gruff voices ringing through the hallway. They say your name, shout your name, whisper it. Some say other things in Spanish. Curse words had always been your assumption, and he had given you no reason to think otherwise. Now, having it played back to you, you hear a tenderness in his voice you would've missed. Words and phrases that come up again and again…

"Bichita." She repeats. "Bichito del amor. Mi bichito amoroso. "

You shake your head, still confounded. "...I don't speak Spanish, Lyla." 

"Little bug. Sweetheart. Lovebug. My little lovebug." She clears her throat. "I believe they are terms of endearment."

Steadfast, she directs you towards her palm. Another small Miguel appears, and you think it's him from this morning. 

"I thought I told you not to let anyone in, Lyla?" 

"I did not let her in. She let herself in using the code you previously gave her, Mr O'Hara."

"Yeah, for emergencies. Fuck. Mi bichita, too smart for her own good."

"...If you are in distress, I believe she would understand, Mr O'Hara."

"I just think it's too much. I don't want her to see me like this." 

"According to Alchemax files, previous subjects showing this kind of aggression benefitted from-"

"Lyla, it's not happening, no chance. I can't tell her."

The figure blinks out of her palm. "Mr O'Hara has forbid me from telling you about certain things."

"...but not from showing me." Your eyes meet hers. You give her a watery smile. "Thank you." 

With a hint of a smile, she nods and is gone from the corridor. You are left alone, with nothing but your thoughts of little lovebugs rattling around in your brain.

_

_

_

[isalisewrites]

A ramble on writing where April broke my heart

Hooo boi.

March was a dream in comparison to April.

Emergency gallbladder surgery? Someone faking their death in my server? Good times. I wanna go back.

I have been through much in three short months. April has shown that it's taken a toll. I have missed many more days of writing. I'm still missing them in May. But I'm slowly gripping onto the last vestiges of my raw determination, all while in the face of so much.

I had a falling out with my closest family member that shook me to the core of my heart. I barely slept for most of the month again. Gallbladder surgery has proven to have some complications on my nervous system, making normal daily life difficult where it's hard to sit or lie down without experiencing full body numbness and tingling in various areas, including my hands and fingers. (No, not blood clots. 100% without a doubt it's my nerves.)

If you've followed me here (post one and two) and have read my author's on Terrible, But Great Chapter 30, then you know what went down with my family member. It took so much of my time and energy. I wrote well over 8,000 words trying to reason with this family member, only for all of it to be scorned and mocked. A part of me feels like that energy was wasted. I could have 8,000 more words in TBG, but I don't. This is all I have.

A part of me looks at it and says, "Give it back. Give me back my writing." What happened to January? Or even February? What happened to the girl who could wake up at 4am in the morning, an hour before she had to leave for her hysteroscopy, to power write 700 words?

Some days, I go up the stairs and I'm winded like I ran a marathon.

Some days, if I walk on the treadmill for more than 6 to 10 minutes, I feel like I'm dying.

It's been an uphill battle. The struggle is real, but so am I.

In the last week of December of 2023, when I realized how long it would take me to finish Terrible, But Great, I was overcome with what I call 'The Stirring.' I don't know what else to call it, but it always has an air of mystery and premonition for what it is to come. I thought at that time, "If I had limited time to live, what do I want to do?"

"I want to write."

So, I did.

In 2023, I published a total of 43,000 words in TBG. In 2024, from January to April, I've written 110,604 words and have published 35,000 words thus far. The year isn't even halfway over and I've done better this year than I have last year.

In spite of it all, I'm doing pretty damn good.

There's still hope. I'm not giving up. It might feel like morale is low, but it's not. I'm going to keep going as much as I can through all the hardships because writing is truly the one thing that breathes life into me.

By the end of April, I finished my business class with an essay about how the class shifted my beliefs. This class in combination with all of my health issues and social conflicts sparked an overwhelming revelation and a new rising determination within my soul.

You see, you all have witnessed my love and passion for writing Terrible, But Great, a Harry Potter fanfiction, but I also have original stories that I've wanted to write. Yet, I haven't been able to finish them because I'm always thinking about the market in the real world, instead of what I want and what the story wants. Fanfiction, I can do whatever the hell I want and yall are just gonna have to strap in and hold onto dear life cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Original novels, however, are done differently and I've often struggled due to so many factors.

I have ADHD. I am autistic. I have health issues which are rapidly piling up on top of each other. My career choice might not even be feasible for me in the long run, so why I am allowing myself to be pressured into doing more than I can handle with a class load?

I want to write. I want to write. I want to create.

Oh, how I want to create.

So, I will.

Two years ago, I gave up on my dream of writing original novels and earning a living through them. I've since repented of that notion. As I continue write Terrible, But Great, I'm also going to be working on my original novels on the side. Someday, perhaps, I'll be able to earn a living as a published author.

That's my realistic ideal.

I wrote 457 words today, May 9th. That's good enough. The goal this month is to write more than April. I can do that. On the days where prose is hard, I simply write my scene idea in a zero draft style. I don't worry about the prose; I'll fix it later. Every word counts. Every word can be changed. Every word can be made better.

Every word is good enough.

Until next month.

[los-ninos-tortugas]

Let's talk about the Familial Bonds AU

So I'm currently at home and looking over all the pages of writing and AU's I've made so far, literally don't know how not to be nervous posting about my own AU's but I think part of it was that I wrote this down a while ago. But! Let's do this anyway.

I started writing this post a full year ago. My grasp on long stretches of time is... slippery at best but goddamn. Evidently I wasn't as close to shaking off my anxiety back then as I thought. Which to be fair is still true now. But I've been sick and miserable this past week as well as incredibly bored and I've been thinking about this AU a lot again lately and I've been trying to find a way to ease myself out of my post college graduation burnout and finally posting this seems like a good way to get the ball rolling. So enough about me, let's finally talk about this AU.

So, going from my notes that I wrote a while ago; You're Family Because I Found You, I Found You Because You're Family (I really had a penchant for long and dramatic titles when I first started writing for Rise). Short name: Familial Bonds AU

AU Summary: Stories in this series fall under the head canon that Casey Jones is Cassandra and Leonardo's biological son. So far there are two(?) stories planned for this series.

Something Unspoken: Despite their close relationship and some obvious signs that Casey was in fact Master Leonardo's son, it was never something they acknowledged. Casey spent his first seven years with his mom, moving around constantly to various resistance bases. In those years Casey only ever saw Leo in passing and hadn't yet made the connection himself-- in spite of having some turtle-y features of his own. Casey came under Leonardo's wing at eight years old after his mom died fighting the krang. Living and learning from Leo allows Casey to figure out their connection pretty quickly, but the fact that Leo himself never seems to bring it up* stops Casey from wanting to bring it up himself. Casey is a bit too young to understand or figure out why Leo never seems to want to talk about it so as the years go on they seem to develop this unspoken understanding that it's just something they don't talk about (even though Leo acts as Casey's father in all but name).

Now that Casey is living in the past with a sixteen-year-old version of his dad he has some very complicated feelings about this whole mess and decides he's just gonna ignore the problem and hope it goes away. (Hint hint, it does not.) But of course, it's not exactly super easy to hide all of his more mutant turtle features so he treads very very carefully to make sure none of them realize he's more closely related to the Hamato's than they initially thought. However this becomes harder and harder as a new branch of the Foot clan** starts creeping into New York's criminal underground, and it becomes clear that they also have a vested interest in the key, which the Hamato's are still struggling to figure out a way to destroy.

From here on my notes actually get pretty spoilery so I'll just keep all that to myself for now and go over some other little details.

*A big thing that I actually ended up getting stuck on (and probably one of the reasons I delayed this for so long) was Leonardo's motivation for not talking to Casey about how they're related. For a while I wondered if it was out of character or unnecessarily cruel for Leo to treat him only as a student and eventually I came upon the conclusion that if nothing else, Leo is his father's son and being emotionally stunted is practically genetic in this family. So his reasons I think are more misguided than anything and still come from a place of caring, if still ultimately rooted in fear. I think being in that place of war and loss and seeing the pain that Casey went through at losing his mother I think Leo might have thought to himself "I can't put this kid through that again." In the bad timeline who lived and who died was never guaranteed, and Leo knew he wasn't excluded from that, so I can see his logic as something along the lines of not wanting to give Casey false hope only to then break his heart again. I don't think he necessarily anticipated living to see the end of the war, or that he and Casey would grow closer anyway. And ultimately Leo is wrong anyway, and he can't spare Casey from the pain, and losing Master Leonardo hurts just as much.

**I like to imagine that the Foot Clan has had a few splinter groups form over the years. I mean, they're a few centuries old it's hard to imagine that some people didn't split off. I like to imagine that the group that eventually made it's way to New York that we see in the show is probably the oldest existing sect, hence why they're still deeply into the world of the mystic as well as savvy enough to build a shell company to finance their endeavors. This new group that's coming in is one that I think dropped out of the mystic world a while ago, and didn't really believe in it. They're more strictly focused on just committing actual crime. But with the New York Foot Clan basically wiped out, and with the invasion changing people's worldview a bit, they seize upon the opportunity they see presented to them. Their interest in the key and in post-invasion New York comes from an interest in the krang technology and weaponry. They're not particularly interested in the krang themselves and they're honestly a little smarter than their predecessors so they don't exactly want to open the floodgates again, but they do still want to study the properties of the key and krang tech for nefarious purposes so it unfortunately falls on the weary Hamato's to stop them (poor kids can't catch a break).

There are a couple of other subplots that unfold in this fic (I've thought about this a lot) but again, in the interest of not getting too too spoilery for now, I think I'll hold those details back for a bit. Let's get into the second story I have planned for this.

The More Things Change: Buckle up gang this is the "Leo loses his arm" fic. After getting ambushed by the new Foot Clan Leo is critically injured and the gang has no choice but to bundle him off to an actual hospital in the Hidden City. As they're all sat in the waiting room Casey starts to wonder if certain things are just inevitable as he thinks back to when Master Leonardo lost his arm. Present Leo is understandably pretty distressed about this new development considering he just got out of recovery for his injuries from the invasion and is of course now wondering how he'll move forward from this and if they'll still be able to execute their plan for getting rid of the Key. Perhaps a little unsurprisingly I don't have a lot of notes for this fic yet because it is a sequel to a fic that hasn't been written yet, but the details will get fleshed out as time goes on and I do have a lot of thoughts about it.

My notes for this AU overall are a bit incomplete, which I'm kinda fine with since I wrote them a long long time ago now and revisiting them now actually gives me a chance to really think about filling in a lot of blanks that didn't come up in my initial ideation process. Like you might notice that for an AU about Casey Jones being both Leo and Cassandra's son that for some reason Cassandra seems to be oddly missing from a lot of the plot?? I'm not sure why I initially forgot to include her for about 90% of this but now I can think of a way to actually put her in and do justice to her character rather than just being Dead Mom(tm) because she's so much cooler than that. And I've also been working on fleshing out everyone else's roles in this story because since I've initially thought of it I've come up with a lot more layers and subplots that fit into this universe that I really want to explore.

That's it for now, thanks for reading <3

[saunteredserpent]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

hiii Jenna thank you for sending this in 🩷

I would say,, my personal top five fics I've written would have to be, in no specific order of absolute favorite, would be:

Fair Day

Whatever I Had, I Finally Sat Alone

Andante, Andante

We Can Speak In Flowers

And Maybe, Just Maybe I'll Come Home

ngl I'm for some reason actually lowkey nervous about the fact that these are all only kingdom hearts fics and that I haven't written and posted nearly enough for any of my other fandoms (looks at my good omens florist!Crowley au I started writing a few months ago and posted the first chapter of but that I still have yet to update. sweats.) but. I'll give a brief synopsis for these fics, as well as my personal thoughts and feelings regarding each one, below the readmore:

Fair Day was a sorikai request fluff fic I got a few years ago, and to this day I still think it turned out really cute and fluffy for sure. essentially, the plot for this one is Kairi breaks her leg and is bored/frustrated being cooped up at home while in recovery, and the boys decide to cheer her up by taking her to the Destiny Islands' yearly fair. cute and fluffy shenanigans ensue.

WIHIFSA is a post-DDD, pre-III Sora character study fic I wrote for a now former friend, and even though I'm no longer friends with that person the fic itself is one of the pieces I'm still proud of having written ngl. I wanted to tap into Sora's headspace and emotions regarding... pretty much everything leading up to that point, and I feel like I might have done a decent job? I mean, I did give the poor kid a lowkey anxiety attack in the fic itself, but. y'know. he deserves to have those moments where he breaks down, and I will not take criticism or questions on this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Andante, Andante is the post-kh III terraqua fic I wrote back after the game came out. it remains to be both the first ever kingdom hearts fic I ever wrote and the first one I ever posted, and it's one that as a result of this will forever hold a special place in my heart tbh.

We Can Speak In Flowers is a Kairi and Leon friendship piece I actually wrote as a gift for a roleplay partner of mine (who ofc writes Leon/Squall where I write Kairi), and is by far in my opinion quite possibly one of the BEST fics I've written, even for being a oneshot. I had a fun time researching flower language and flower symbolisms for the fic itself and while I was admittedly also somewhat anxious about how I portrayed Leon for this one, I feel like I managed to pull off his characterization decently enough.

and finally, last but not least: And Maybe, Just Maybe I'll Come Home is another one that just. honestly remains to hold a special place in my heart forever. it's an au I wrote after watching the DreamWorks Sinbad movie and thinking to myself 'okay, but what if this plotlime but polyamory and sorikai 👀'

but yee!! if anyone is interested in going to read these, y'all have my permission and you're more than welcome to comment or kudos or however it is you wish to engage with them after doing so!!

[defilerwyrm]

I went back through your asks tag a bit and didn't see anything about this--very sorry if you've answered it before!

I'm less than a year on t, and it's been helping a ton so far; my mental health has improved drastically since changes started happening. But I'm also nervous because originally my plan was to just go on until I got some of the permanent changes, like the voice drop, and then go back off to avoid too much lower atrophy, but after seeing the improvement in my quality of life I'm realizing that going off t is probably a bad idea for me. The idea of any of the less-permanent changes reverting makes me feel sick

I'm not sure how long you've been on t but it seems like it's been a while, and I know you've gotten bottom surgery which changes things, but I was wondering what your experience was with atrophy in general? My doc mentioned that they're happy to give me estrogen cream if needed, but I've heard mixed things on how well it works. I've already noticed some stuff like (sorry, tmi) I can't piss as forcefully anymore. I've done some research but most of the people I've seen talking about it are pretty early transition (or... less than 5 years at least?), and I'm more worried about the long term

I'm not against the idea of getting bottom surgeries and a hysto to prevent atrophy cramps, I *am* dysphoric about my natal junk, but I'm already gonna be in deep financial shit trying to afford top surgery which is a lot more urgent to me, so realistically it's not gonna happen

idk, any advice? Sorry for the rambling

Also I didn't realize you were the one who wrote love songs for monsters - that shit changed me when I read it all those years ago. Thanks for doing what you do

I typed up an answer to this, tagged it, clicked the post button, and my wifi shat the bed. When I was finally able to reconnect, Tumblr refreshed and I lost everything. T___T

Sorry this took so long to reply to! Using a cut for my own TMI

I lucked out and didn’t really have any appreciable amount of atrophy. It made my groin less of a horrid swamp disaster zone, but I still wouldn’t have called it “dry.”

I do have a bit of keloiding in my urethra so whereas I used to be able to empty a full bladder in 12 seconds flat, now it’s about a minute and a half. Not painful, at least.

Estrogen cream is a topical hormone, not a systemic one, so it shouldn’t interfere much at all with your HRT. I think it’s worth a try if your atrophy is bothering you.

But yeah, if you end up getting phalloplasty (or metoidioplasty) with urethral lengthening, that’s done alongside a vaginectomy, at which point the whole atrophy problem ceases to be an issue.

Also thank you!! I have an abiding affection for those little stories and it’s always so pleasing to hear that someone enjoyed them. :D

[bluberimufim]

The Sheep

Wassup. I realized I can post snippets literally whenever I want without there being a tag game as an excuse. Soooooo I decided to share a snippet from "Devourer of Souls" that I just wrote and am pretty proud of. I even gave it a title for the purpose of this post bc I'm Fancy like that.

trigger warnings: horror, animal death, animal body horror, vomit, gore mention

This snippet is nothing like the rest of DoS in terms of vibes. Please don't be scared. I promise this story is (mildly) normal. This also technically has a lot of context behind it but I like this bit and it works somewhat independently so fuck it we ball!

Taglist: @wildswrites and @little-mouse-gardens

(I tried to post this multiple times but tumblr stopped me, so I's like to thank the nice people who helped me, @ellierenae and @owlsandwich, they were very lovely <3)

Some days later, at the market, the sister whose arm she'd healed approached Seth. She had a messy air about her, with bags under her eyes and thrown-on clothes. Her expression showed panic she seemed to be trying to hide, with little success.

"Seth..." she began, hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"I have a... strange request for you."

Seth raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

"What is it?"

The woman seemed to grow more nervous.

"Can you heal sheep?"

She stared at her for a moment, still processing the words.

Heal sheep?

"I must confess I've never attempted it, but I can try now."

The woman nodded.

"Thank you. Come with me, please."

Still a bit confused, Seth followed her, giving Theo a signal to do the same.

They already knew the path to that house. They'd traversed it less than a week ago. But now, the farm seemed to be steeped in silence. It took her a while to identify what was missing, but, when she did, she felt a chill creep up her back.

The sheep, she noticed, were quiet.

With grave steps, the sister guided them to the stable.

Was there a disease among livestock? She'd heard of them, but, in all of her time living there, she'd never been through one. She'd heard it said, from the oldest inhabitants of the town, that they were almost always devastating and that they could ruin the town for months – sometimes, years.

She took a deep breath. If she could heal people, she could heal animals. The life force that flowed through all living things was the same. Healing magic should work on them.

When she was about to enter the stable, she was pulled back. Theo held her wrist tightly, stopping her from going any further.

"Theo..."

"Something's wrong with the sheep," she whispered. "Their bodies..."

"Can you see if it's a disease?" she asked, also in a low voice.

"They weren't sick when we came here. If it's a disease, it acts extremely fast. Their state... it's not natural...

"Not natural? How?"

"Their organs, Seth. They're all... I can't describe it... They're distorted. I can feel them. I can feel the shape they are inside, and that shape doesn't make sense."

Theo loosened her grip on Seth's wrist and she took the opportunity to hold her hand and squeeze it.

"I have to check. If it's a disease, I should eliminate it now. It could put the whole town in danger."

Theo nodded and let her go, but she seemed reluctant to do so.

As she grew closer, Seth noticed a stain on the floor, right in front of the divide where she knew the sheep slept. It was hard to discern from that distance, spread over the irregular straw. When she was close enough to tell what it was, she had to force herself not to trip.

Blood. In a trail leading to the sheep.

"I think it's an illness," said the woman, with her eyes trained on something inside the divide. "But it's much more horrible than any I've ever seen."

Seth reached out with her magic. She could feel the souls of the sheep, although weak. Something was interfering with them.

"Please be careful," the woman asked. "I don't think it's contagious for humans, but..."

Seth finally reached the other side of the divide. She had to swallow the scream that threatened to escape her throat.

The sheep were lying on the floor, some with their bellies up. Their paws were stretched before them, with some contorting in painful spasms. Their eyes were blown wide, but they were looking at nothing, as if they were blind. Their mouths were open, ready to scream, but they made no sound.

Through their sheared skins, she could see shapes trying to pierce them. Some were thin and sharp, like broken bones, but some were made of soft flesh and muscle, almost like bubbles. And some of their organs appeared to have changed places. One of the sheep, closest to the entrance, seemed to have a heart where its stomach should be, stretching the skin every time it beat. Another, in a corner, had its ribs turned upside down, jutting out of its back. Another still, clearly dead, had wool growing out of its mouth and nose and, by the shape of the bulges that filled its abdomen, on the inside of its body too.

The sheep spasmed in agony, turned into something that only vaguely looked like an animal. Their mouths remained open and their eyes wide.

Seth had seen many horrible things when she'd been at the hospital, near the front lines of the war. She'd seen men disfigured, burnt, missing limbs. But this was the first time one of those things had made her puke.

After she emptied her stomach onto the straw, still heaving and with her back turned to those horrifying sheep, she felt a hand on her back. When she straightened, she was hugged from behind and let herself slump onto Theo's chest, comforted by the presence of that soul with hints of divinity.

"You saw them too, right?" she asked.

Theo said nothing, but she felt her nod against her hair.

"How are you taking this so calmly?"

Theo still did not respond, pulling her closer.

"Um... Seth?" called the woman who'd taken them there, her voice shaking. "Can you heal them?"

She vehemently shook her head.

"No," she replied, breathless. "Each one of these sheep would need a huge amount of energy just to make them look close to normal again." She turned to the woman, who took a step back. "End their suffering. Buy new sheep."

Everything I touch turns to supernatural horror. Help.

Btw the sheep thing is 100% Theo's doing (but on accident). She just came back from the Plane of the Gods and has divine body horror powers. Not my fault where my ideas are taking me. B&W originally also wasn't horror but then it just happened, ok?

Please tell me if you feel the snippet is too long. It feels a bit big, but I wanted to include the whole scene. I've never posted a snippet like this before. Still a bit confused about what to do.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Can't wait to share more snippets!!

[prepare4trouble]

Follow up to "ways to say 'I love you'" please? (I don't have an ao3 account but just know that I read like all your Sam/Edgar stories, even those made a decade ago. I was so excited when you posted the fic I requested the other day.)

Aww thank you, I'm so glad you like them. It's good to know people sill read my older stuff too, I'm still really proud of the fics I wrote in this fandom back then.

Anyhoo, I've got your other request, but not had chance to write it yet, it might take a while, but here's a short follow up fic to the other fic. Hope it's okay :)

“What’s taking him so long?” Edgar asked impatiently. He paced the room, back and forth, filled with nervous energy, checking his watch every few minutes.

Alan, far less concerned, lounged on his bed flicking through a comic. He glanced up at his brother, then at the old alarm clock on the table near the bed. He shrugged. “I don’t know, Edgar, I don’t keep track of him, he’s your boyfriend.”

Edgar’s cheeks started to turn pink at the very mention of that word, and he turned away, hiding his embarrassment. Alan smiled to himself. It was almost too easy. It was funny, Edgar Frog, fearless vampire hunter, turning red in embarrassment at the mere mention of that word.

“He said he’d be here at six,” Edgar said. He resumed his pacing. 

Alan shrugged. “He’s only five minutes late, Edgar.”

Edgar spun around to glare at his brother. “It’s getting dark out there,” he said. He pointed to the window, at the twilight outside as though Alan might need some kind of visual reference. “You know what happens at night around here.”

“I do,” Alan said solemnly. “You and Sam go out to the movies and you leave me alone to manage our parents and the store at the same time.”

“Speaking of,” Edgar said. “Shouldn't you get down there before Dad falls asleep with the cash register open again?”

Alan shrugged. “I emptied it last night, there’s only a bit of change in there, not worth stealing. And you know it doesn’t get busy until later. I think I can relax here for a bit longer.”

Edgar gritted his teeth and folded his arms. “I won’t be late back, I’ll be here for the late night crowd and the close.” He checked his watch again. “I might be here all night anyway, If Sam doesn’t show up soon we’re going to miss the movie.”

“It’s six minutes past, and I was there when you made this date, he said he’d be here around six. You know that could mean anything.”

Edgar sighed, then shook his head and sat down heavily on the end of the bed. “You don’t think he forgot, do you? Or changed his mind or something?”

Alan shook his head. “Relax, Edgar. He hasn’t forgotten, and he definitely hasn't changed his mind. You won’t miss the movie, you might miss a few trailers, or you might have to catch the next showing, but it will be fine.”

Edgar scowled. “You know, when I’m stressing about something, it’s really not helpful to have my brother lying on the bed telling me to relax.”

“No?” Alan smirked. “That’s too bad.”

“Maybe I should call his house,” Edgar suggested. “Make sure he’s actually left.”

“Seven minutes,” Alan said. “Maybe don’t do that, unless you want Michael telling Sam that his boyfriend’s a paranoid mess as soon as he gets home tonight.”

Edgar folded his arms. “I don’t care. I’m pretty sure he knows that already. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s being fashionably late just to mess with me.”

Before Alan could respond, the door to the bedroom burst open and Sam appeared in the doorway. “Your mom let me come through,” he said.

“See,” Alan said. 

Edgar shot him a warning glance, begging him with his eyes not to tell Sam how worried he had been.  Alan picked up the message loud and clear.

“I told you Mom and Dad would still be awake,” he added.

Sam shrugged. “Actually, just your mom,” he corrected. “But there’s no customers so you’re good for now.” He turned to Edgar and smiled. “Ready to go?”

Edgar nodded, then frowned. “What’s with the clothes?”

Sam glanced down at his outfit and then back up with a wide grin. He was wearing a pair of black jeans, and a camouflage print shirt with a denim jacket over the top. His hair was immaculately styled as always, and he appeared to have replaced his usual earring with a new one that reflected every light shining in the window from the boardwalk outside. Sam shrugged. “Remember what I said about sharing clothes?” he asked.

Edgar frowned warily, “Yeah?”

“Well, I figured I’d better get some that you’d want to wear,” Sam told him. “Plus, I wouldn’t want to embarrass you in public, I know how you feel about my fashion sense.”

Edgar glanced over at Alan. Alan shrugged.

“So, shall we?” Sam asked. “My mom’s outside, parked up just off the boardwalk, and she’s going to pick us up too, you know since she’s terrified of me being out after dark now.”

Edgar nodded and headed for the door. “Hey, Sam?” Alan heard him say as they walked out. “Don’t change your style for me, okay? I like you just the way you are.”

Sam hesitated, then grinned. “Really?” he asked.

Edgar nodded. “Really.”

“In that case,” Sam reached for the top of his shirt and unfastened a few of the buttons to reveal a clash of white, blue and yellow underneath.

He turned to show Edgar, who rolled his eyes and laughed. “Perfect,” he said.

[deepforestgender]

An End

Atlas was rushing towards the forest, away from the furious shouting and the undeniable click of a firearm being reloaded. They had known that sneaking into a farm in rural Texas could only end badly, but the piercing hunger they felt eventually convinced them to take the risk. As Atlas reached the woods, safe but empty handed, they once again considered begging for food in town but knew that would most likely lead to trouble. People seeing some homeless person seemingly in their teens would lead to them getting stuck in the foster care system, which would be quite the hassle. Neither hunger nor the shotguns of their robbery victims would kill them anyway, but both were still very uncomfortable. While Atlas sat under the trees lit up by the rising sun, pondering over what to do, they thought over how they even got here.

Atlas had existed longer than anyone could remember, themself included. They had never had anyone to guide them or tell them about their origin, so they were left asking. Most of their existence had faded out of their memory, and they could only recall a fraction of the many things they had experienced. They had encountered people from vastly different times and parts of the world, and had been treated many different ways. Some people saw them as a god, others as a monster. Atlas always preferred being treated like a person though. While real friendships of theirs were scarce and short lived, it always started with that. Someone saw a person when everyone else saw something nonhuman.

Atlas had used many different names during their time, but when they spent some time in Greece during the early 400s B.C. they encountered the name Atlas. It stuck out to them and they decided to use it for the time being. Since then it had simply stuck around.

When the Cold War ended, Atlas had thought it would be a great idea to head to the U.S. to see what had changed during the last 100 years or so, a decision they would come to gravely regret. Now they sat here in some woods in rural Texas, contemplating whether it would be worth risking their freedom to get some food.

Soon they began to feel their thoughts slowing down. The morning had turned into early day, and with it came the heat. Eventually, when their mind just felt like mush, Atlas decided that cooling off came first. They could fix the food problem afterwards. There was a small stream running through the forest in front of them, hopefully it would lead to something big enough to cool them down. Atlas started wandering along the stream while slowly whistling to themself, and the further down the stream they went the deeper the forest felt. The trees went from exaggerated bushes to magnificent oaks, the mostly visible sky shifted into a thick green ceiling, and a scent of flowers and moss replaced the smell of arid dirt. While the forest got more and more forest-y, Atlas’s confusion grew. How was there such a dense forest in the middle of Texas?

Eventually they reached a large clearing in the woods, and the stream finally led them to what they were looking for. A large pond, located in the middle of the glade. With a sigh of relief, Atlas pulled off their sweaty shirt and threw themself into the pond. The feeling of the cool water flowing around their body could only be described as angelic, and for a couple of seconds they forgot how hungry they were. The feeling of total euphoria didn’t last long though, as their empty stomach didn’t simply disappear. That’s when they realized the abundance of fruit trees and berry bushes around them.

“This simply must be paradise”, Atlas thought to themself before feasting. They didn’t know how much time had gone by as they sat on the ground gorging upon a berry bush, when a gust of cold air hit them. They turned around to see a dark silhouette behind them. Standing there was a tall woman in a long black dress looking at them. She wore multiple small gold chains around her neck and in her ears hung small dream catchers with seemingly infinite intricacy and detail. Her straight black hair flowed around her, framing her pale face. Her cold eyes, while not hostile, felt unavoidable and across them passed a quick look of surprise before returning to a satisfactory determination. “Hello Atlas,” she greeted pleasantly.

Atlas felt a sudden rush of fear.

“Who’s this? Why does she know my name? Is she here to take me?”, rushed through their mind. Seeing her made them suddenly remember all the times they got burned at the stake, lost most of their blood, or fell to what should have been their death. The lady saw Atlas' eyes fill with pain and fear, and said “You don’t have to worry, that pain will never return.” Upon seeing their questioning expression she added “I guess you expected to never meet me.” She held out a welcoming hand. “I am Death. Nice to meet you.”

Atlas’s panic was defeated by their curiosity and they couldn’t stop themself from asking what they had wondered their entire life. “Do you know where I came from?”, they asked. Death looked amused. “I do, and I intend to tell you, but I’ll want to do one thing for me after it.” “Sure!”, Atlas answered, too excited about finally knowing the full story to worry about what it could mean.

“For a long time the Earth was a barren place… and so was my heart. Until she appeared and changed everything. My darling, my love and the greatest on Earth. You humans call her Life.” In Death’s eyes appeared a pleasant warmth for a moment before she returned to the story. “She had quite the passion for creation and always came up with new stuff. Most of the time I got to clean up after her, but it was all oh so worth it. Seeing and sometimes receiving her amazing creations were the greatest of joys. Humans were one of her latest big projects and she went all out with multiple design phases and drafts.” She smirked thinking back to her girlfriend’s obsessions. “That’s how you came into the picture. You were one of the first mostly complete drafts, and therefore never really brought to reality. That was the plan at least.” Death let out a heavy sigh. Though challenging, Atlas managed to keep themself from asking about anything. The truth about their background was more important than answers to unnecessary philosophical questions such as what happens after death. She continued.

“During one of our date nights she went a bit heavy on the wine, and in her very drunken state she decided to go through her series materials and creations. The result was your existence.”

Death paused before further explaining, “The next day she woke up, so utterly embarrassed that she didn’t speak of what had happened. Therefore I didn’t know and couldn’t take you back when I should have. That was, until last night when she finally told me, and we decided to find you.”

There it was. The answer Atlas had been looking for their entire life. Suddenly, the question that they had been asking for so long didn’t feel that important anymore. Atlas didn’t know how to feel or react, so they simply stood there for a while. Death patiently waited for them, being quite experienced with people feeling existential dread.

Eventually Atlas looked up into Death’s eyes with an almost defeated look. “What do you want me to do?”, Atlas asked Death. “I think you already know”, Death answered with an indecipherable look. While looking into the comfortable infinity that was Death’s eyes, the realization dawned on them. The knowledge of their background wasn’t the only unobtainable thing that would finally be accessible for them. Something that they had long since given up on, and stopped hoping for. The possibility of following all their loved ones, when they all inevitably left them. The ability to leave the Earth before the Earth left them. Atlas would finally die.

That thought overwhelmed them. After watching everyone they ever met eventually die, over and over again, they simply grew numb. Now, with the relief of an end in sight, all the grief came bubbling back, and their eyes began to water. For the first time in centuries, Atlas cried.

Death, watching Atlas’s emotions unfold, opened her arms for them. She felt quite the sympathy for this person, walking the Earth for such a long time with no one to truly know them. Humans weren’t made for that kind of strain.

Atlas fell into her comforting embrace with a sense of catharsis. When they stepped back they were bleeding. All the wounds and all the damage that should have killed them had returned, but there was no pain. They fell to their knees on the wet grass, and when they looked up there stood a second figure next to Death. With luscious golden hair, and a round face wearing an apologetic smile, there stood a woman. “I’m sorry for the trouble. I hope you had a good one”, Life said. “I wish you the best.” As Atlas’s vision faded, Life grabbed Death’s hand and waved.

Atlas smiled.

[skautism]

for the writing req thing you posted!!! "Can't believe you woke me up at 5:00 for this." "Oh, come on! Where's your sense of fun, huh?"

i wrote what was supposed to be really subtle ralbert but that fell through cuz i missed them <:3 theres mild references to period typical homophobia but other than that this is just banter and fluff. i had fun with the fact that alberts trading card says he lives with his brothers and dad for this :3

——

He stuck his head out the window, and checked the temperature and sky. The night was surprisingly cool, in spite of it being August, and Racetrack Higgins was up way too late.

At this rate, he was up way too early, but for the first time in a while, he was up this late for a purpose. He’d head out soon, and smoked through part of his cigar as he waited to be sure it was safe. The sky was clear and he was about to be on a (rather silly) mission.

Finally, Race slipped out the lodge. Hauling ass as quietly as possible through the neighborhood, he fumbled shut the buttons on his shirt. He glanced this way and that, as nervous excitement rattled through him. He may have known the streets as well as any newsie, but that didn’t negate any potential trouble from being out this late.

Although depending on the “trouble”, Race might consider the lecture he’d get from Kloppman (or Jack) worse.

Race wasn't deterred by any of the risks though, as he gazed up at the sky with intent and made his way to Albert’s.

Have you ever heard the myth that if you wake up in the middle of the night for no reason, something is watching you? Race wouldn’t know, he’s usually the perpetrator. He stared into the window, backlit by the moon in a way that would make you wish he had reflective eyes. Finally, he slid open the window and clambered through.

After longer than expected, Albert stirred as Race hovered over him, snapping him from staring at Albert’s still-furrowed brow. He grinned, and Albert returned a scowl from his side.

“Goooood morning,” he whispered louder than necessary, dropping onto his best friend’s back. “How’d ya sleep?”

“I was sleeping fine,” he grumbled, and rolled onto his stomach.

“Was it a wonderland of lamb an’ pretty girls?”

“I'm never livin' that down, huh." Albert groused. "What time is it?”

“‘Bout 5,” and Albert felt Race grin wider as he said it, because he knew damn well he was tormenting him. He reached back, swatting at him, the pair flailing and wheezing in laughter as they did their best not to disturb the rest of the household.

Eventually, they calmed and Race draped himself over Albert’s whole body, which in turn brought back that nervous excitement from earlier.

“There’s a meteor shower, ya wanna watch it?”

“That’s what you got me up for?”

“Didn’t’cha see it in the weather today?”

“That's not weather!”

Racetrack headbutted Albert from behind, Albert only managing to stifle a noise of protest by jamming his face into the pillow.

They continued play-fighting, and somehow never moved from the uncomfortable position, at least until something shifted from across the small room. Albert smacked Race into stilling.

“If you wake up my brothers I’m kicking you out,” he hissed.

“And I'll drag you with me! Can't'cha just watch the stupid meteor shower, Albie?”

Albert huffed and sat up, tipping the two of them backwards before he crawled out the window onto the small platform. Race followed in tow, still not bothering to shut the window.

Albert laid back on the floor, and surely enough, every few seconds, small pinpricks of light flew across the sky. It was a pretty sight, he admitted to himself. Race sat next to him, absent-mindedly tangling his hand into Albert’s hair.

The gentleness compared to the borderline chaos a few moments ago would’ve stunned just about anyone that knew either boy. Constant idle touching may have been normal for the newsies, but around others Race and Albert were closer to the rough-and-tumble side of things. It didn't help that everyone knew getting too close at the wrong time could risk you everything, but it was too early for it to matter yet.

Race didn’t actually know what Albert’s family thought, come to think of it. Regardless, they probably wouldn’t appreciate him sneaking Albert out over stars. Pushing the thought aside, he tugged Albert’s head into his lap without ever breaking his gaze with the sky.

“Can’t believe you woke me-” Albert broke off with a yawn, “-up at 5:00 for this,”

“Oh come on! Where’s your sense of fun, huh?” Race retorted, glancing down for once.

Albert huff-laughed and gently smacked the side of Race’s face, before he lurched upwards to point at the sky. “Holy shit! Did you see that!?”

Race managed to look up just in time to see an enormous shooting star crashing down before vanishing, as he gasped in delight.

“I told you this was worth it!” he exclaimed, throwing all cares of "quiet" out the window.

“No you didn’t. D’you think anyone else got to see that?”

Race shrugged and grinned like a fucking madman. “Where d’ya think it landed?”

Albert thought for a moment before he pantomimed writing on a chalkboard. “‘Space rock crushes rich jerk’s garden!’”

“’s too early for headline shit…” Race yawned. “Y'wanna come back to the lodge with me? Done it before.”

Albert glanced over towards the window, and wondered for a moment if their ruckus had woken anyone up. “Might need to.”

Race nodded, but didn’t move beyond continuing to pet his boyfriend’s hair.

Albert nuzzled into the gentle touch as he got a glimpse of the clock inside. 5:45 AM. "I think we'll need to head out soon if we don't wanna deal with Crutchie being a fucking early bird."

"Y'really think he gets up this early?"

"How should I know? I only hear it from you and Jack."

Race scoffed and stood up to stretch. "Ready to go now?"

“Lemme get my shoes,” he said, and headed through the window.

Race rested on the railing as he waited, wondering if anyone else was up yet. Maybe for the same reason he was, to get comfort without worrying about prying eyes and side-glances as best, and the worst that he didn’t want to think about.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts as Albert returned from the window, who actually shut the thing. “Ready?” Albert asked.

Race nodded and offered his arm as a joke, grinning. Surprisingly, Albert took it, even though they had to detach not far down the road.

The pair snuck back into the lodging house, everyone else thankfully still asleep, and crawled under the thin sheet of Race’s bunk to get a single hour of sleep before the morning bell.

[icefeather22]

Some graphic descriptions of injury, it was fun, but I don't like writing it unless it's necesary for the plot.

29, 13 of them are published.

To be more confident in my writing.

Probably Danganronpa.

Danganronpa and Little Nightmares.

Celeshiro (Celestia x Chihiro).

Chihiro and Celestia, also Mono and Six, I would adopt those last two if I could. Chihiro and Celestia have each other to take care of.

I wrote for Little Nightmares Ö.

The Celeshiro week, because it inspired me back into writing. Also "Again and again, until you're safe." For the same reason.

The vampire series, it made me feel warm inside.

Shared Delight, it was a little sad but oh boy it was refreshing to give the series such an ending, and I also got to be the 100th work in the Fujisaki Chihiro/Celestia Ludenberg tag.

"Twinkling Lights and Warm Embraces", but I managed to post it and got a really cute comment on it.

"A rose I will give you and with its stem I will protect you" it just felt natural, like I was letting my hands flow.

Shortest: "French greeting" - Longest: Celeshiro Week 2023

I would recomend "Again and again, until you're safe." because I think I might've gotten possesed by the Reallygoodwriting demon while writing it. Also! If you like Celeshiro I'd recomend my vampire series, they're great!

The soundtrack from Little Nightmares and Oh my Girl songs, though mostly ambient noises like rain and crickets.

I don't eat while writing, I might've taken some tea though?

"Twinkling Lights and Warm Embraces" I had no idea what to call it.

‘Please pull me up.’ he thought, looking desperately into her eyes for any sign of emotion, there were none, she didn’t say a word, still looking at him for what felt like a lifetime, then she let go, the pain on his chest didn’t take long to appear, just like the tears in the corner of his eyes, looking to the rock getting more and more distant as he fell into the abyss.

At that time, it didn’t even cross the vampire's thoughts that the moment was the perfect chance to taste the blood of the human, she was too focused on thinking about how pretty she looked when she slept.

“I’m…” “I don’t… really…” “Look, I didn’t fell in love with a girl… I fell in love with a person… And who that person is, a kind, passionate, determined, inspiring and caring programmer” (Pansexual mood)

I couldn't decide so I'll put both: () ()

NSFW/SMUT WARNING: “Aah…” Such a soft moan from the hazel eyed shouldn’t have made Celestia feel a shiver from her head to her toes, with even her wings flapping once in response to the sound. --- I was really nervous to write smut after such a long time, but I think it turned out great! This was the sentence I struggled the most with.

NSFW WARNING FOR THIS ONE AS WELL: Turns out that without blood pumping a girl can't get wet, so I decided not to mention that in my smut vampire AU work.

Libre Office Writer ^^ (I have a love/dislike relationship with it).

That's though, but finding out my favourite artist liked my fics and was inspired by them was definetly a Kaboom! moment for me.

Yes! A while ago I posted the last work for the Vampire AU and decided to post a bunch of headcanons for it.

Depends, since I have lot of fun at it I don't really need to recharge, but after the last Vampire AU fic I'm deciding to take a little tiny break, since it was all so hasty, first the Celeshiro Week 2023, then I wanted to write a lot to submit to the Chihiro Fanzine, then I wanted to get the Holidays fic done before the Holidays and afterwards I wanted to write as much Celeshiro as possible to contribute to the 100 works.

Well, I want to thank my friends for keeping me from falling, specially Æ who was there from start to end, I also want to thank my fav artist for being so cool and kind to me, without my family I probably wouldnt've made it this far and I also want to thank myself for not giving up even with everything that happened, I'm far from perfect, but I tried my best through it all.

Mass produce Celeshiro! Finish the other two Little Nightmares fic which I'll try to make even greater than the last! And... Idk, I might find some other community to obsess over. I currently have 16 fics planned just from Danganronpa and Little Nightmares so woah.

fic writer asks

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

What piece of media inspired you the most?

What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

What ship(s) captured your heart?

What character(s) captured your heart?

Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

What fic was the easiest to write?

What were your shortest and longest fics this year?

Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

What were you go-to writing songs?

What were your go-to writing snacks?

What was the hardest fic to title?

Share your favorite opening line

Share your favorite ending line

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.)

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

How did you recharge between fics?

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

[wave2tyun]

welcome bacck ^3^

i'm glad that you're healing, and i believe greatly that you deserve it. you worked so hard getting out fics and even just responding to asks, and i'm so glad that the world is treating you the way you deserve. even if your life isn't the best, or there's still struggles, we're so proud of you.

i have to ask because i couldn't find any reblogs of the work, (T0T) but do you still have the cooking club student!yn x chef(?)!taehyun? i'm not sure how explain it, but i remember the tenderness and affection between the two and it was forever something i looked back on. even now, i look back on it. but i saw a reblog of your masterlist and only game over + rain and vanilla lattes were there so i was so sad T0T your works have helped me so much, so even reading the reblogs of those two helped

but the fic 'm talking about ended in the two drinking and taehyun kissing yn while tasting the cherry wine on her tongue? i hope that's a good enough explanation for you to know what i'm talking about 😭

i just woke up not that long ago and you're genuinely making me tear up oml thank you so so much, i wish i could give you a hug :(((((((💖💓💓💖💞💖💘 i was a bit nervous to come back on here, but i've realised it's a decision that i really shouldn't regret. even if the healing process isn't linear, i know it's all gonna be okay in the end, especially after getting stronger and being with you guys by my side☹️💞 thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!🫂🫂🩷🩷🩷

OMG "cherry wine" yes i still do have the fic!!! it's one of my all time favorites that i've written (every day i'm yearning for an encounter like that) and hearing you talk about it with so much adoration makes my heart feel so warm!!!😭😭🩷 i'm pretty sure i still have all my fics saved, the only thing i might be missing from them is probably the summaries but the story themselves + the pics are all on my laptop :0 the only exceptions might be the 2 timestamp posts that i wrote for kai's and gyu's bdays, because i think i wrote those directly on tumblr :( if there's anything else you'd like to see again please feel free to send another ask, i'll probably work on a masterlist soon :D<3 i'm so glad to hear my works have been able to help you, it reminds me again why i started to love writing in the first place, and it motivates me to not give up and try again :(💞💞

[sexyandcringe]

Deep talks with Suna Rintarou

Content/warnings: fluff, self-indulgent, kind of mutual pining, mentions of alcohol, sex, virginity and death but it's really not that deep! It's just all hypothetical and light fun talk, so no need ta worry. Suna and Y/N talking shit about people behind their back lmao.

Character(s): Suna x reader

A/n: so i wrote this like MONTHS ago but never finished it cause i thought it was too.. Unrealistic? Self-indulgent? Something that people won't like? But now i realized that i literally do not care about what people think 💀 i'm gonna post whatever I want, EVEN IF it's a different kind of characterisation.

You hate pubs. You hate seeing so many people dancing glued to each other, the sweat, the smell of too many perfumes all together. You hate their music taste and the loud sounds; unless, of course, it's your favourite music that is playing.

You fidget nervously with your phone, trying to look busy and cool, hoping that one of these old men standing three meters away don't notice you. You hate places where you feel unsafe, but what you hate even more is being seen as lame and becoming an outcast, that is the reason why you accepted your friend's invite in a heartbeat.

A friend who is currently sucking face with a random dude you don't recognize across the room. She is not a bad friend per se, not one of those who would leave you alone in a party without any texts or calls, but right now she's probably drunk as fuck and doesn't even know her own name.

"The music here sucks." You don't expect Suna to reach out to you, you barely talk to him when you hang out with your mutual friends.

He is a pretty boy with hazel eyes and it would be a lie if you said that he didn't pique your interest, that you didn't find him attractive, but his gaze intimidates you way too much for you to even look at him in the eyes. In fact, even now, you are trying your best to avoid them, opting to stare at the nasty crowd in front of you.

"Hmm, it does indeed." One thing you have learnt about Suna is that you and him have the same taste in music, the only knot that connects you two.

"Do you wanna go out? I'm not really enjoying this place." He looks at you briefly before shifting his gaze to your phone, which you have been torturing for a while now. "And it looks like you aren't either."

You don't reply immediately, because going out with Suna means that you will have to talk to him – and that would be definetly awkward – , it's not like you are particularly close with the guy. But you'd rather feel awkward and nervous around him than unsafe and anxious here.

"Sure." You reply, finally looking at him and for a second you see a hint of a smile on his face, you wonder if you're imagining things, did you drink too much?

He leads you out of the pub, looking back time to time to see if you are still following him, and finally you join him to his car. You sit in the passenger seat nervously, but you are not scared. You know that even if he is a little aloof, Suna is a good guy, he wouldn't dare hurt you.

"Wanna go for a long drive? With real music." He mocks the pub's ear-piercing drums; you chuckle at his comment, nodding, "I'd love to."

He quickly connects his phone’s bluetooth to the car’s music player while you click your seatbelt. “Put whatever ya want ” he says, and your eyes widen slightly at the sight of Suna offering you his phone. He is passing his phone with his personal informations and memories to you. You know it’s just so you can put a goddamn song, but still, that doesn’t stop you from blushing and feeling butterflies in your stomach when your fingers brush against his. You are quick to type out a song that you know both of you like and “23” from Chase Atlantic blasts in the car.

It’s peaceful, you think. None of you want to ruin this pleasant moment by filling the silence with useless talk. You enjoy it with your eyes fixed outside the window, but you can’t help but think that the real view is sitting right beside you. So you dare – you dare shift your gaze to him, ogling his firm and veiny hands gripping the steering wheel and just as if he could feel your eyes boring into his hands, he turns to you after lowering the music's volume and your breath hitches.

"What are you thinking?" he asks. I was thinking of how fucking hot your hands are is definetly not the answer, so your brain tries to formulate a reasonable one, failing miserably.

"I just... Thank you." You sigh "I was getting really uncomfortable back there."

"I could tell. You are not used to places like that, are you?"

"Not really, i've just been to a few friends' parties, but i don't like loud sounds."

"Hmm, you do give the vibe of a goody-two-shoes." Suna has a shit-eating grin while he says that, but you are too focused on the new information he just delivered to notice that.

"Hah?! You wouldn't say that if you knew me better." You cringe internally, you don't really wanna look like those quirky girls who think they are mysterious and special by saying things like that, but you also don't want him to think you are a prude. You are not a goody-two-shoes, you ran away from your parents, for god's sake.

"Yeah? Then i'd like to know you better." he says, but he is quick to withdraw his slip of tongue "That is, if you let me."

You feel your face heating up, the words die on your tongue and you have no idea on how to reply to that, "S-sure". Suna Rintarou wants to know you better, you couldn't be happier, you physically cannot stop yourself from grinning like an idiot.

He takes a turn to the left, "So, what would you do if tomorrow was your last day on earth?" he asks. Way to get to know someone, you think, but then again, Suna wasn't really into small talk.

You giggle before replying, "Hmm, i guess, first of all i'd text all my friends – real life and online – and family that this is the end for me, aaaand maybe hang out for a few hours with my closest friends eating whatever i want, give away my stuff to charity, and last but not least, fuck someone. Don't wanna die as a virgin." you conclude.

"You're a virgin?" he quirks an eyebrow. You realize what you had said a little late, your face heating up as you try to play it cool.

"Y-yeah, is that a problem?"

A small smile tugs at Suna's lips. You swear you are seeing things. "No. Not at all. Virginity is a social construction, anyway."

"Cool." You decide to move on from this awkward moment. "What about you?" You ask after putting "Into it" from Chase Atlantics (again), but lowering down the volume so you could hear him better.

"If i'm a virgin or not?"

You want to punch him.

"No! I mean what would you do if tomorrow was your last day?"

"Ehhh, maybe get wasted so i dont have to think about what i should do on my last day, i'm not sure, i'll think about it when the time comes." he shrugs, barely stopping in time when he sees the red traffic light. For someone who is into deep talk, he sure has to improve on his answers.

"You can't know when you're going to kick the bucket, y'know?"

"Didn't you know? I am a main character that can see your death clock. Mine own too." He replies with such a blank expression that for a second even you doubt if he is joking or not.

Still, you decide to play along his little game. "Oh yeah? How long am i gonna live then?"

"Hmm." He checks you out while rubbing his chin between his thumb and index finger, as if that would make him look more credible. "Long enough to get laid." he replies with a smug face that you wish you can kiss.

You gasp at his attack, slapping his shoulder to warn him, but you really don't look that intimidating when both of you are laughing like idiots in the middle of the street.

Unfortunately your "romantic" moment is cut off by honking cars behind you, urging you to hurry the fuck up since the light is already green.

You don't want your conversation to die yet, and maybe it's the alcohol or just the night, but you have enough courage to question Suna, "Okay, my turn." You remember reading somewhere that people at night are more honest because their brains are tired; you don't want to miss this chance. "Do you like someone?"

The first reply you hear is his sweet chuckle. "What are we? Middle schoolers?"

"I'm just curious! Answer me!" You demand, but soon regret it, maybe you are crossing limits you shouldn't cross. "Or don't... if you are uncomfortable."

He hums. You assume you won't get any more information, because you asked something you shouldn't have, and oh god now he will think you are noisy and annoying and- "No, not really." but Suna stops your train of thoughts.

"Huh?" you sure are surprised by his reply. When it's night, people are more honest. So are you. "I thought... I thought you had a little something for Shizue. You guys seem close."

He grimaces at the idea of feeling anything remotely romantic towards the said girl, "Absolutely not. She is the one who keeps clinging onto me, i can't stand the girl."

And again, you fail to hide your emotions; too stunned to speak, you look at him bewildered.

"Don't look at me like that, i know you also hate her."

"How can you tell?"

"Pfft, have you seen the expressions you make every time she talks? "

"Oh my god!" you cover your face, embarassed to be so readable.

"I guess you are right, i do hate her guts. Always so loud and fake."

"and fucking rude." he adds.

"I know right! Wanna slap her so bad every time she opens that foul mouth of her."

He laughs, you think that maybe he imagined seeing you throwing a hand to the loathed woman, and to be honest, you don't dislike the scenario either, so you laugh with him.

"I wish she would just leave me alone. I think i've dropped enough hints to show my displeasure around her."

You don't show it but you are so, so glad he doesn't like her, happy even that he seems to hate her as much as you do. You couldn't guess, really, he always have an unreadable expression, you wonder how many people he hates, yet hangs out with. Not like he chose to hang out with her, she just happens to be close to one of his friends, so she always ends up self inviting herself when their group hangs out.

As much as you are glad, you don't want to spend the rest of the ride talking about her and ruining your night, so you decide to change the subject, but Suna beats you to it.

"Okay, next question. Are you busy tomorrow?" he asks smoothly, and you swear your heart skips a beat, because there's no fucking way that The Suna Rintarou is asking you this so you could hang out with him tomorrow. You try to not get your hopes up and play it cool, praying to whatever higher being that he does not notice your nervous behaviour.

"Not really. Why?"

"Wanna go to the mall? I need to buy a present for my sister's birthday... thought it'd be better to have another girl around to choose the gift. Also wanna check out the new manga section. What do you think?"

Playing the hard to get girl has never been your forte, that is why you easily give in to his charm and nod approvingly, "Sure, sounds good. Text me the time and place later."

Suna smiles softly looking at you before returning his eyes on the road; you don't know that but inside he is squealing like a high schooler who just touched his crush. Well, it's normal for him to feel like that, after all, you (his crush) are going to hang out with him tomorrow and he can't help but think of it as a date.

After some more chit-chat about his sister and your workplace, he drops you off at your place, calling it a night. Honestly you would love to spend more time with him, you even considered inviting him home, but you trashed the idea thinking of it as inappropriate and especially because you really wanna wear your soft pijamas and sleep like log; the night has exhausted you.

"Thank you for the ride, Suna, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Call me Rintarou." he corrects you and you feel heat rushing up on your face as you stutter on your words, "O-okay, Ri-Rintarou". Shit.

He drives off as you keep grinning like an idiot in front your apartment door.

You can't wait for tomorrow to come.

Reblogs are really appreciated!

END NOTE: I didn't wanna say this in A/n's above because it would spoil the ending, but in case anyone thought i was "cringy" for stuttering Rintarou's name (because in western culture calling people by their name is normal), i wasn't trying to be a weeaboo w japanese culture, i actually, in real life, call people im not close with by their surnames, classmates included, and i dont let other people call me by my name except family/close friends (i use a modified version of my name online, too), so yeah calling someone by the name/being called by my name is a huge deal for me.

This is not a taglist, i'm just tagging people who replied to my post about me asking whether you guys would hate me if i made a gossipy Suna, so since u guys replied, i'm assuming that you wanted to read this (if not, fluff you!): @yesamu , @i-know-something-you-dont , @im-embarrassed-of-this-account , @eternitysin , @natriae .

[writingformadderton]

Reflections

Ship: Taron x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,006

Summary: While searching for a dress for an upcoming event, you start to feel insecure about your body. It truly takes a toll on you, and Taron catches you in a vulnerable state. (TW!! Insecurities, Body Image, Negative Self-Talk!!)

Author's Note: Fluff, angst, and love!!! First fic posted in a good while, ahhhhh. I'm so nervous for you guys to read this bc I wrote and edited this one alone. This topic hit extremely close to home for me as I have body image issues as well, so I hope it is actually good for you guys! I truly hope you enjoy it. Happy reading! -Miya💜

Requested by Anon:

“I’ve gained 25 pounds Dasia! And the wedding is in 2 weeks!” I grumble out loud to my phone while standing in front of my mirror. Dasia, one of my sisters, was on Facetime with me while I tried on dozens of dresses in my walk-in closet. Our best friend was getting married in 2 weeks and I thought I had something to wear. But I was clearly wrong.

“Stop it! You look gorgeous! What about that sunflower colored dress you bought like a year ago but never wore? I’m pretty sure the tag is still on it.” Dasia throws out another suggestion, while also trying on her own dresses in her home. She gives her body a once over in the dress, but then shakes her head and walks away from her phone to retrieve another option. I study my body in a crucifying manner, the grimace on my face evident.

I look awful. How did I let myself get to this point?

“It probably won’t fit over my disgusting thighs, not to mention my stomach.” The words roll off my tongue, but immediately bring pain to my chest. I run my hands from my chest down to my stomach, the current red maxi dress hugging the new curves in ways I didn’t like.

I turn to the side and try to hide the belly, but the open back catches my attention immediately. I gasp with horror as I catch a glimpse of the newly occurring love-handles settling in. I quickly face front and sigh in despair.

I feel just as bad as I look. I can’t believe I let myself go like this.

I close my eyes and try to hug my body to offer comfort, but my subconscious was eating away at me silently.

Dasia walks back into camera view and studies herself in her full body mirror. Her body now dawning a gorgeous pale blue dress with a high slit. “How about this one for me? I know we can’t wear her colors, but maybe she’ll make an exc- “

Her voice trails off as her attention turns to me on Facetime. She walks closer and kneels in front of the device.

I open my eyes and feel tears start to well up. A shaky breath leaves my lips and my hands grip the dress at the sides, trying to ground myself.

“Darling, look at me.” Dasia calls out to me, a soft expression resting on her face.

I look towards my phone and fight back a sniffle. I look down at the floor in shame.

“Are you in your head, letting your thoughts beat you down?” She asks gently.

“Dasia, I feel like shit. I mean look at me. Who’s gonna want to take pictures with me? No matter what dress I wear, I’m gonna get unwanted attention!” I blurt out harshly. Dasia looks taken aback, but sighs softly.

“Hunny, cut yourself some slack. You have been so busy these last couple months with the new house and job. Taron still thinks you are the most gorgeous specimen walking, for gods sake!” She tries to coax me into cheering up. But my subconscious had already gotten the best of me. I was hearing her words, but none of them stuck.

“Until he doesn’t. Then what?” I spoke just barely loud enough for her to hear. I look in the mirror once more, and it breaks my heart. Shoulders slouching in defeat as my brain betrays my heart with the thoughts running through it. “I…I gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow and we can decide on something.” I say without a second thought. I walk over and grab my phone, giving her one last glance.

“Sweetheart, please don’t be too hard on yourself. You are beau- “ She tries to finish her sentence, but I hang up quickly. She closes her eyes and sighs. “I love you.” She whispers to herself.

The tears begin to flow freely and my breathing becomes ragged. A sob pours out from my mouth as I sink to the floor and discard my phone. “Fuck!” I yell out. I sit against my wall and try to stop the stream of tears falling. But the more ragged my breathing became, the more the task proved to be too difficult.

Pathetic.

It rings through my head over and over as I try to catch my breath. My heart aches painfully as my mind becomes my worst enemy.

How could I let this happen?

I sit for a half hour until the tears finally stop and my breathing calms down. I tapped my phone screen.

4:30. Taron will be home soon. I need to get dinner started.

With a deep breath, I grab my phone and pick myself up off the floor. I take off the dress still hugging my body and hang it back up. I rub my face and change into shorts and a tee, turning off the light to my walk-in closet once exiting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taron unlocks the front door and walks into the house, a grin on his face as he enters. He had been bombarded with meetings all day for this upcoming film and all he wanted to do was get back to his love. He takes off his shoes by the door. “Honey, I’m home!” He calls out with a chuckle. He looks up and observes the main entry way.

 It’s quiet….too quiet.

“(Y/N)! Are you here?” He calls out again. No answer again.

His eyebrows furrow together as he walks towards the dining room. The smell of home cooking coated the air, but no food nor I sat waiting for him. He walks into the kitchen, but to no avail I was not there. Going over to the stove, he noticed pots filled with freshly cooked sides and the oven light illuminated to reveal the main dish sitting patiently for consumption.

Where is my lovely girlfriend? The thought came to the forefront of his mind. Pulling himself away from the stove, he left the kitchen and searched the living room. Nothing.

He lets out a small sigh and pulls his phone from his back pocket. He quickly dials my number and listens to the ringing. Faintly, my ringtone sounds to his ears and he looks around. He slowly starts following the sound while holding his own phone in his hand. He makes his way upstairs.

“Babe! Baby!” He calls out to me. Now, he was starting to worry. Why weren’t you answering?

But I don’t answer him. I can barely hear him over the sound of my own sobs.

I sit on the floor of my shower, crying uncontrollably as the hot water crashed against my body. I had been in that same position for almost 15 minutes. I’ve tried to pull myself together and get out, but my attempts were met with more tears.

After cooking dinner for myself and Taron, I tried to motivate myself to put something on my stomach. But after what happened earlier, I couldn’t bring myself to swallow anything other than water. So, I left the cooked food on and in the stove, waiting to be served. I wandered back upstairs to take a shower and clear my mind.

Maybe the hot water could wash away my troubles.

15 minutes later, my body was clean, but I couldn’t stop crying. Faintly, I hear my phone ring from inside the bedroom. It was probably Taron calling. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, tears stinging as they fall freely. I hear Taron calling my name. but my voice is too hoarse to respond. So, I continue to sob quietly.

Taron finally makes it into the bedroom and sees the phone on the floor. Raising his eyebrows, he ends the call and picks it up, placing it on top of the dresser. His ears focus on the sound of running water and his attention turns to the bathroom door. He quickly walks in and as his eyes land on my figure, his heart aches.

He quickly makes his way over to the shower and opens the glass door, turning off the water and kneeling down to hug me tight. I wrap my arms tight around his body and take in his scent.

“What happened to you, my love?” He speaks softly, rubbing my back. I respond in a sniffle and tighten my hold on his body. I needed the comfort so badly, and his arms always felt safe. “It’s alright, I’m home now. Everything’s alright.” He says and kisses my temple. I nod and loosen my grip to look in his eyes.

Taron brings his hands to my face and gently holds me, thumbs caressing the sides of my face with such care and tenderness. I melt into his touch, closing my eyes and calming down little by little. He sits with me just like that for a while before I open my eyes once more.

“Hey babygirl.” His lips pull into a small smile when he sees the action. I nestle my face into his hands as a response. “Are you okay to get out of the shower?” He asks in the gentlest voice I have ever heard.

I nod slowly with soft eyes. He smiles and kisses my forehead, slowly standing up and stepping onto the floor mat. He holds out his hands, and I take them happily. After standing, Taron tells me to wait for a second while he grabs a towel. While watching him, my heart flutters as he is set in taking care of me without even knowing the problem.

He comes over with a warm towel and dries me off with the utmost care. I don’t give him any resistance as he does the task. Instead, I take in how soft he is and how he admires my body for what it is. It almost makes me feel ashamed for how I was feeling earlier. I slightly cower away, and he notices the action and slowly stands tall. He wraps the towel tightly around my body and wraps his arms around my waist. Mine wrap around his neck and look into his eyes.

“What’s troubling you, my love?” He whispers while rubbing small circles on my back. I lightly blush and break eye contact, looking down in shame. But he brings one hand to my chin and gently lifts my head with his finger. “No need to hide from me, love.”

Taking a deep breath and clearing my throat, I finally speak after what had felt like hours of crying. “I was feeling in-insecure about my body after trying to find a d-dress for the wedding.” I force the words out of me in a small voice. I see the concern, but a loving aura reflects in Taron’s eyes after I spoke.

He leans down, closes his eyes and kisses me, gentle yet passionate. It slightly catches me off guard, but I immediately melt into the kiss. He pulls away and lays his forehead on mine, looking at me. My eyes remain closed for a bit, then finally open to those blue-green orbs I love the most.

“You know you are the most beautiful girl in this world.” He speaks with confidence.

“Yea, but Taron-“

“No buts darling. You have the body of a goddess. And no matter what you look like, I will always love and adore you.” He says in a firm, but soft manner. He places a kiss on my nose to solidify his statements.

I blush hard and bury my face in his neck. “Do you promise?” I whisper, my heart fluttering and growing warm.

“I promise, my love.” He reassures and rubs my back. My eyes began to water and I hold him tighter. “I love you, from now until the end of time. You will always be beautiful to me, no matter what.” Taron whispers, placing another kiss on my temple.

“I love you too, Taron.” I speak just loud enough for him to hear.

[afro-hispwriter]

ALICIA CLARK X FEM DIXON READER

After Ricks disappearance (twd) and Fixing the plane era(ftwd)

F/I- first initial

Warnings- language, implied smut

a/n- i wrote this a long time ago, its been posted on on wattpad for a while so i decided to post it on here… Enjoy!

Rick was gone, things were falling apart. Your dad, Daryl left the communities to join search parties all the way until he was the last one searching. Michonne and you wanted to keep looking but her pregnancy was to far along, and you basically took care of her and Judith. The atmosphere feels familiar just like when Carl died, you and him were best friends, you supported him in every one of this decisions even helped him get with Enid.

But this felt worse.

The person who has made sure everybody survives is dead. The man who was a mentor to you, the man who saved your father in countless occasions is dead. Morgan left almost 2 years ago and nobody heard from him. You knew Rick and him were close, he helped Rick when he came out of hospital. He deserves to know what happened and you will make sure of it.

-

"I want to go out and see the world for myself and I want to find Morgan." You said at dinner to Michonne and surprisingly who joined your dad.

"Excuse me what, you want to leave a whole state and travel to Texas just to see the world and find Morgan and for what?" Asked Michonne raising an eyebrow. Your dad sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"I agree kid. Why?" He asked looking at you.

"Ok first I'm pretty sure I'm 18, I'm supposed to be enrolling for college planning out my life, seeing what else is out there. I can take of myself of the time I have been surging in this world I can make it I'm sure if it. And second all of us know how much Rick meant to Morgan, I can go to Texas and tell him what happened maybe he will even come back even if it's for a little bit." You said enthusiastically. The adults shook their heads taking in the information.

"I'll think about it." Said your dad and Michonne nodded going back to eating.

"There's gotta be another reason you wanna leave." Said Daryl as you walked to your home.

"I already said why Dad." You said looking ahead

"No, you didn't I know ma own kid." He said stopping and he grabbed your arm so you would stop as well making you roll your eyes.

"I hate the atmosphere that is going on, it's like when Carl died but worse and I hate it. I just need to go, I need fresh air Dad, i need to see whats out there maybe even help people." You said throwing your arms in the air looking up at the sky. Daryl smiled, you would always talk about helping people when you were just 4 years old. But now that the apocalypse happened he never thought he'd actually have to let you be on your own anytime soon, maybe it was time.

"Alrigh I'll talk to Michonne tomorrow, I'll get ya that trip." He said and you smiled before pulling him into a big hug.

"Thank you father." You said and he chuckled.

-

"Ok y/n, ya have a high range walkie(i know those don't exist for very long distances)for when you get farther and farther away from ere and you have food to last a month or so and water for a week or two. And gas in the car to last Ya couple miles at least to get out of Virginia. A map, a gun with 2 rounds, and please try to put notes or something out there to tell me your alive, please I don't want to go out lookin for ya. Cant loose you kid." Said your dad who it was clear was very nervous on letting you leave.

"I'll be fine dad, I have been taught from the best of the best." You said and then you saw his eyes water.

"No, no dad don't cry because then I will. We have to be strong i promise I'll be fine. We agreed on 2 months if I'm gone more than that or if you don't hear from me when those months come to an end you come looking for me." You said holding back the tears.

"I know kid, I know it's just ya growin to fast." He said looking at you.

"Fuck it come ere kid." He said and pulled you in for a tight hug. You hugged him back hard, soaking up his affection, which definitely doesn't come everyday. You pulled away and looked up at him.

"I'll be fine dad ok, I'll be back." You said and backed up, everybody stood around and you waved before looking at Michonne and pointed at her belly.

"I better be godmother when I come back." You said smiling

"Yes ma'am." She said with a smile on her face. You got in the car and turned it on, you had some doubts on leaving but knew this has to happen. Your dad came to the window and leaned on it and you took in a breathe.

"Please don't loose yourself, if you have to stop stop. Don't leave the people who care about you." You told your dad and he sighed knowing exactly what you meant by that. He was looking for Rick so much it was taking him away from you. Daryl stepped back and you smiled at everybody and waved.

"I'll be back in 2 months I promise." You announced and they all smiled, you put the car in drive and drove off watching the gates close behind you.

"Y/n can you hear me." Your dad said over the walkie and you grabbed it.

"Yeah dad I can hear you."

-

You got to Tennessee right before the car stopped. You sighed and looked around to see if there was anything a car or a store. You grabbed the walkie and took in a breathe, please work, you thought.

"Dad can you hear me?" You asked and heard static then his voice.

"Ya I can, ya alright?" He asked

"Ya I'm fine, I'm in Tennessee but I think that soon probably a couple more miles you won't be able to hear me so im starting with the notes." You said and held back tears.

"Alright I love ya." You heard him sniffile before the walkie went out.

"I love you to dad." You said and out the walkie away and grabbed the pack. You opened the pack and grabbed the note book and pen. You wrote, STILL ALIVE- F/I, and looked for a place to put it. After an hour you found a gas station and put the note on the counter under a rock.

"Dad not sure if you can hear me but, if you do come for me I'm leaving notes in stores." You put the walkie back and grabbed your knife and stabbed a walker that came for you.

-

Almost 13 days (that's what google said). 13 days and nights of running and hiding from herds. Avoiding people, some you had to kill. Your feet hurt even after taking a days break in Arkansas but you finally have reached Texas. Not knowing where Morgan is you decided to use the walkie every few miles in. You looked at the map and Texas was huge, it could take a few weeks to find him, if he is even alive. But you needed a break so you needed to find somewhere safe. You found a house that looked safe enough so you cleared it, only 3 walkers where in it.

You set up a fire and out a can of beans over the fire. You grabbed the map and decided where you should head to next.

(A/n- I read that season 5 of fear is filmed in New Braunfels, Texas and its near Austin soon)

Austin, Texas, in school in Alexandria the teacher said Austin is pretty popular. Morgan could be there so that's where you would start. You took a 2 days rest and even found a lake to bathe in, after getting supplies you made your way to Austin. You left a note at the WELCOME TO TEXAS sign and left another at store the another. There was a hotel a little father form the house and out another there.

After a day or so you were closer to Austin and decided it's time to try with the Walkie.

"Morgan, it's Y/n I'm in Texas, I don't know if your alive but I'm here." You said and put the walkie away after no answer. You walked for what seemed hours when you saw the Austin sight and grabbed the walkie.

"Morgan I'm in Austin." You said into the walkie and decided to start trying different channels as you repeated the question though each. You tried the last channel and was about to put it away when you heard voices and your heart sped up.

"Morgan?" You asked and kept moving the circle to hear it more clearly.

"John, June you there." Someone said, it was a deep voice and noticed it was Morgan's voice.

"Morgan, Morgan, it Y/n Dixon from Alexandria, please hear me." You said pleading to yourself.

"Y/n wha-." He started. "What are you doing out here so far, where are you?" He asked.

"Umm I'm by the Welcome to Austin sign. Where are you maybe I can find you." You said and out down to the ground pulling the map out."

"I have two people close to you y/n, don't be alarmed their names are John and June." He said and you sighed.

"Ok." You said wearily.

"John, June did you hear that." Asked Morgan and a female bodice came through.

"We hear you Morgan, on our way Y/n." A man said.

"Hang tight y/n." Said Morgan and you sat back. You grabbed a paper and pen and wrote. FOUND MORGAN. You sat there for a while when a car approached and stopped next to you, you raised you knife reading to attack of nesassary. The window went down and the man and woman out there hands up.

"Hold on hold on young lady I'm John and this is June, we come to get you." John said and you hesitated.

"We won't hurt you i promise." June said. You nodded and grabbed your stuff and opened the car. You sat down and watched John and June's every move.

"So where did you come from?" Asked John and you sighed.

"Long story." You breathed out a laugh and they smiled.

"Guess we will know about it after you meet Al." Said June and you cocked your head to the side.

"Who's Al?" You asked wearily.

"She was journalist before and she interviews everybody on their stories." Said John and you nodded.

-

"Morgan, who is y/n?" Asked Alicia as she and Luciana approached him.

"She's comes from Virginia and Alexandria like me, she's around your age Alicia." Said Morgan smiling and Alicia rolled her eyes.

-

The car came to a stop out some gates and they opened. The car pulled in and people crowded around. John and June got out and your door opened revealing Morgan. You got out of the car and hugged him before pulling away to look over all the people. It was a whole bunch of little kids then a whole bunch of adults.

You looked around and your eyes fell on a very pretty girl with brown hair and hazel eyes. Her eyes where on you but they seemed defensive like yours at the moment. You felt uncomfortable and Morgan said to clear a path so you could sit down.

-

"I have been walking for almost 20 days, Car broke down when I reached Tennessee." You said to Al and she smiled. Everybody else was sitting around eating dinner as they heard your story how you arrived here.

"You have any family, back in Virginia?" She asked and you nodded.

"I have my dad, and more people who became my family, we have lost some but they will never be replaced." You said.

"Lover?" She asked and you shook your head no.

"Nope pretty much a virgin." You said and they all laughed.

Alicia started at you slowly relaxing that you were not a threat, all of them did.

"Why did you come here?" Asked Al and you sighed.

"I was 12 when the world started, I'm like 18 now. I'm supposed to be enrolling into college now, planning out my life going to go see what's out there. The apocalypse may have happened but I still want that chance. And Morgan I need to tell you something, privately." You said and he looked at you concerned. He gave Al a look and she shut the camera off then got the film. He stood up and you followed, he stopped just a few feet from everybody and waited for you to speak.

"Ricks gone." You said. "Gone not dead, just gone it's like he disappeared." You said looking down, thinking about that day.

"Wha- what how, what happened." He asked.

"Bridge explosion, he saved everybody." You said and Morgan nodded then you heard someone clear their throat.

"I'm sorry Morgan." Said June, you looked at him confused.

"I told them about Virginia, they how me and Rick go back." He said and you nodded.

"They haven't the body?" He asked and you shook your head.

"No, my dad, he has been looking out there by the bridge everyday, Michonne is pregnant with Ricks kid and she's about to give birth so she can't look anymore. And I was practically taking care of Judith so I couldn't either. And others have their own thing." You said and Morgan nodded again before walking off. You sighed and and smiled at the group.

"Anything else you guys want to know about me?" You asked and Al came forward.

"I want to know about the king and the tiger." Said Al and you nodded walking back to the fire.

-

You told everybody what you needed to know. Your guard was down long ago, you kept sneaking glances at the girl who's name is Alicia and she looked back at you as well. You got ready for bed when you were approached by Alicia.

"We never had a formal introduction, I'm Alicia Clark." She said holding her hand out and you shook it.

"Y/n Dixon."

You talked the night until you fell asleep from exhaustion. You learned about her family, all the things she has been through and you shared hers. She told you about her boyfriends and you felt a pang of jealousy, 'Gosh y/n you don't even know this girl,' you told your self. You fell asleep after an hour and Alicia put a blanket over you and whispered goodnight and left. You woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and got up. You looked in the mirror and braided your hair into two. You went outside and the people started building some type of plane. You approached Alicia as she was talking through a microphone looking at parts. She saw you approach and she smiled, you then looked up and saw a plane.

"Hey what's with the plane, didn't see that last night?" You asked Lucianna as you approached her, she smiled and sighed.

"A few weeks ago we were on a plane and we crashed landed a few miles from here, we actually came from here at first so we came back. Those kids they left biters out there tied up to keep us away, because it's not safe. We gained their trust and we are building this plane so we can get out of this place." She said sun you nodded you looked over the people and your eyes fell on him.

"Dwight?" You said sternly and he looked at you eyes widening.

"Mini Dixon, what are you doing out here?" He asked and you glared at him grabbing your knife when you felt a hang go to it, you saw Morgan shaking his head to stand down.

"What are you doing here, I thought you were dead?" You asked him.

"I'm lookin for Sherry, my wife, not trying to cause any trouble." He said and raised his good arm as a surrender. You nodded and stood down every body who watched went back to what they were doing. Alicia came in-front of you with a concerned look.

"So what's your story with him?" She asked

"He served the man who killed two people of my family and kept my father in a cage keeping him like an animal." You said looking at her with hard eyes.

You lended you knowledge on fixing things with the plane. It's clear they were grateful on your help, you fixed the engine to the best of your ability.

"Y/n want to come with me to a ware house, we need more parts." Said Alicia and you nodded. You made your way down and smiled at her.

-

Small Alicia POV

Gosh she is so beautiful. I met her yesterday and I feel like I have known her since forever. Call me crazy but I'm starting to get feelings for her already.

-

Regular POV

The butterflies in your stomach were almost painful when you were near Alicia. She was gorgeous, you felt like you could tell her everything and you almost have from Atlanta to now. You grabbed your backpack, emptying it out of anything that was worth leaving just encase. You took your knives and gun and left to find Alicia. She was waiting outside a car and got in when she saw you. You sat in the drivers seat and looked to see if anybody else was going, luckily no one was there.

"Anybody else going?" You asked and she shook her head.

"Do you have a problem with it, because I can get someone to come with us may-." She started but you shook your head no.

"I have no problem at all." You said and winked making her cheeks flush red. She drove to the warehouse and she told you the parts to look out for as well as food. You took out two walkers with your knives and looked back to see Alicia looking at you with awe.

"Never taken out biters with knives really." She said chuckling. You looked down and saw a metal pole that was sharpened at the edges.

"Well I mean that pole is badass, where did you get it, might need to get myself one." You asked.

"A water park." She said smiling and you nodded.

"Alright tell you what I teach you how to fight with knifes and we stay a little longer to find a pole similar to yours. Deal?" you asked holding your hand out. She thought for a second and took your hand and shook it.

"Ok come here stand in-front of me." You said as two walkers approached you both. She stood infront of you and you handed her your knives, you stood close to her.

"Now, you going to want to dodge them, go in between them. Remember you have to use strength to kill them just cant push it in. I'll be here just encase." You said. The walkers go closer and Alicia tightened her grip on the knives.

"Go you said." And she ducked as they swung at her, you backed up out of reach then one by one they were both put out.

"That was great, remember you gotta faster and if you have someone behind you, let's say as kid you have to push them back, maybe use you leg or arm. Even an adult if they don't notice you have to act quick." You said and she nodded cleaning the knives.

"Thanks I'll definitely use that, after I find knives." She said.

"If you can get a hunting knife there much stronger and lighter." You said and she nodded. You found a majority of the parts needed and headed back to the car.

"I found this." She said and handed you a metal pole with holes in it. You grabbed it and smiled at you, you got one of your knives and it's holster and handed it to her.

"Thank you Alicia, as a true thanks here's one of my knives, work with one just for now you will go better I just know of it." You said and she smiled brightly.

"Thank you, now let's get back and we can sharpen the edge." She said and started the car.

You kissed her cheek and pulled back getting a red face. You looked at her though the corner of your eye and saw her face was red.

-

When you arrived back to the truck stop, she helped sharpen the metal pole. You and her had a flirty thing going on for the rest of the month until you started feeling sexual tension start to arise. The stares would last long as well as lingering touches, she thought you how to use the pole and you taught her knives. Everybody shared their knowledge with you and you did with them.

The plane was just about finished when you realized if they finish the plane you may loose them, loose her.

"So, where do you guys plan on going after getting the rest of your group?" You asked Alicia as she ate dinner, sitting on the ground.

"Not sure, definitely leave this area." She said and you nodded seeing how bad the area is, you sat down next to her and she offered some of her dinner but you waved it off.

"Maybe fly to Virginia." She said lowly and you looked at her like she was crazy.

"I'm just playing can't risk another crash, especially where the girl I likes home is." She said and looked at you. Your face went red and the butterflies in your stomach, she grabbed your chin and pulled your face closer to hers.

"Y/n Dixon I like you a lot, it's ok if you don't but-." She said but you silenced her with a kiss. She pulled you in harder making you moan, she set her dinner down and you pushed her on the ground, straddling her. You looked up and saw there were people still around so you pulled away.

"Want to take me to your tent?" You asked and she nodded, you got off her and held your hand out which she gladly took. She led you to her tent opening it and pulled you inside. You slid your shirt off and she did the same.

She looked at yours left arm and stomach and noticed a beautiful tattoos.

(This but all around the forearm)

(Something like that)

"Didn't know you had tattoos." She said and scratched her head.

"Oh yeah... do they bother you?" You asked.

"No no they are actually really hot." She said making you blush. You walked over to her and pushed her onto the makeshift bed.

"Wait crap I've never had sex with-." She started and you kissed her.

"It's ok, I'll teach you." You said and she looked at you confused.

"After Carl died, his girlfriend, Enid, and me got close and we ended up in bed together. It was just one night didn't mean anything." You said and stroked her hair.

"Didn't say that in the interview." She said and leaned back letting you crawl on top of her.

"Some things are just not to be meant to be said." You said and winked at her. You went down and captured her lips, she raised her hands and caressed your sides. You laid down on her putting your weight on her body making her moan.

"Just relax let me do the work." You said and trailed down her stomach.

a/n- once ftwd season 6 comes to hulu I’ll be able to continue my part 2

[spideyspeaches]

The Prince and the Archer ↬ t.h

EDIT: LOOK AT THIS AMAZING MOODBOARD @mischiefmanaged011​ MADE!!!!!!

A/N: So @blissfulparker and I wrote a fic on this prompt I sent to her. She already posted hers AND GO READ IT IT’S AMAZING OKAY?! ANYWAYS-

WC: 2.3k (EXACT HOLY SHIT)

Pairing: Prince!Tom Holland x Archer!Reader

Masterlist || Taglist

Thomas had been nineteen years old when he first saw You.

He had been coming back from the stable with his mentor after a session of horse riding, exhaustion evident in the young Prince’s face. It had been a tough ride, his horse- Jakie- had not been very compliant that day, and Harry had been poking fun at him all day. He loved his brother, but he could be annoying sometimes (most of the time.)

Walking towards the castle, his eyes fell around the sports fields, his vision zeroing onto the Archery range. He had always found the sport interesting. How a single shot from an arrow and a bow could do so much as slice a fruit or pierce an organ, he would never understand. It never ceased to amaze him though.

“You look a little lost there mate.” Harry smirked, eyes following his brother's. He startled when Harry laughed, punching his biceps playfully. 

He didn’t understand what Harry was talking about, until he saw You standing in the field, hands stretched out and legs apart, a perfect stance for a fight. A bow was held tight in your hands, stretching the arrow. He hadn’t even noticed that he had been staring at you, your hair flowing with the wind, a serious expression with your lips pursed as if you were ready for combat, the half of your face glowing with the sun.

The snap of Harry ’s fingers got him back, a blush raising his cheeks at being caught.

"She's pretty isn't she? She's the cook's daughter." He said. 

“Mr. (L/N)?” He asked absentmindedly.

Tom saw as the arrow went sailing in a perfect trajectory, hitting the centre of the eye. He watched in a sort of trance as arrows after arrows hit the various targets, your hands not wavering once even.

 “Uh- you, you go ahead. Tell mother I’ll be back in a minute.” He stuttered. 

“Okay. Her name’s Y/N, by the way.” Harry  retreated, patting his back and giving him a smile that he knew all too well. 

He gestured at his mentor to make his way back to the Castle, walking towards the field where you were practicing. 

You noticed him coming towards him, immediately bowing your head as he approached you. 

"It's alright darling, you don't need to do that." He smiled at You as you nodded feverently. He smiled at you, cooing at the way you shied and hid your face from him. 

“You’re Y/N right?” He asked slowly as you fiddled with your bow, nodding but not looking up for a long time.

“That's me, your majesty, to what do I owe you the pleasure of you visiting the archery range?” You finally said, looking up and stopped fiddling. 

Your heart sped up when you looked at the young prince, hair slicked back in a short mullet, horse riding clothes donned on. 

You had seen him quite a few times while practicing, and even admired him from afar like any other girl your age, but never had the guts to speak. You didn’t know how you would talk to the royalty without the intrusive thoughts of what he would possibly think of a poor girl talking to him. You felt giddy now that he was actually here, talking to you. 

"Oh no no! The pleasure's all mine sweetheart. I, uh, you're good at it."He said, clearing his throat when you raised an eyebrow, “Could you show me? Uhm, how to work a bow and an arrow? I’m actually really bad at it.” He chuckled as you smiled, eyes lighting up when he mentioned the sport.

“Only if you teach me how to ride a horse.” You said back. You couldn't hold back the grin that appeared on your face, neither did he, when you agreed. 

You couldn’t help but do an internal victory dance when he smiled, his soft brown eyes shining in the sunny day sending your mind into a frenzy.

"I could do that. So do we meet here tomorrow? Same time?" He asked, too giddy to notice anything around him. His heart was beating like crazy, feeling a pang of excitement in his tummy as you nodded shyly. 

"Uh yes. That would be great, Mister Holland." You nodded, packing your bow and arrows. Shuffling your feet, you stared at him before he moved out of your way, chuckling when you saw his cheeks flame in a blush. 

"Just Tom is fine!" He said, waving at you with a goofy expression on his young face. He chuckled, shaking his head as he felt an unearthed excitement at the thought of seeing you again.

The feeling felt foreign to the young prince. He had been offered services with other princess' before, danced with them in balls and even had fancy dinners with them, but the thought of spending time with you in the fields felt different, yet the excitement felt the same.

Skipping over to the main halls with a smile on his face that rivaled the brightness of the sun, Tom sighed. His heart was still fluttering from your previous encounter, stomach churning with an unknown feeling. 

It was a few days later, during dinner, that the others started noticing his absences and random visits to the royal grounds with his horse (or how he suddenly was interested in learning archery of all sports).

"What's got you so excited?" His mum smiled, snapping him from his stupor as he looked up from his plate. The steak from his fork nearly fell, the laughter of his brothers making him blush. 

"Is it the girl?" Harry smirked, eating his dinner innocently as he could.

"What girl?" Sam piped in. Everyone's eyes were on him now. Shuffling in his seat, he smiled, remembering your smile when he offered to learn archery from you in exchange of teaching you to horse ride.

"The girl in the archery fields. She's really beautiful. And her aim is impeccable. She's perfect, mum! I've never met a lady like her before." Tom said, looking at his mom with large eyes, anticipation making him sweat. He saw his mother nod, giving him a small smile. 

"An archer you say? Is she by any chance, our cook's daughter?" She asked, resting her fork on her plate. 

"I- I don't know, maybe? How does it matter though?" 

"Tom, you know the rules. There are so many other princesses waiting for you in a like, you can't go for a normal low-life girl." She said, eyes betraying the sadness missing in her stern expression. 

"Just because she's not as wealthy as us doesn't make her a bad person mum!" 

"Tom honey, it's not about that, you have to understand we have certain rules and regulations to follow. For all you know she's a gold digger!" 

Tom was used to the burden of being royalty, and he often felt guilty for feeling burdened with having all the wealth of London, when there were so many poor kids in the streets begging for food and a shelter. 

Sometimes he felt like he would break under all the pressure and rules. 

"How can you say that? You don't even know her! You know what? I don't care. I- You have to understand mum. She's different! She's not like those other snobby princesses who only want to marry me for my name! She's so much more better than those fucking pompous brats okay?-"

"Mind your language Thomas!" 

"You can't stop me!" He said, pushing away his chair angrily before storming away, walking towards the ballroom and ignoring the servants running behind him with apologies. 

Stomping his way to the ballroom, he opened the huge doors, slamming them as fast as he could with his strength. Locking them from the inside, he switched on the lights, sliding down the doors. 

Holding his head, his shoulders shook with silent sobs, tears falling free as he felt himself break. He felt weak, for having such variations of emotions over some girl he saw not long ago. 

Sniffing, he stood up, fixing himself as much as he could in his state, before looking at the small door behind one of the curtains. It was only noticeable if you were looking for it. He smiled, walking towards it. Touching the small latch, he opened the door, sneaking into a garden, the garden only he and his father knew about. 

Pushing aside the shrubbery growing around it, he finally found the rusted gates, slowly removing the rusty chains with his hands.

He smiled fondly, remembering the day his dad had brought him here. He had been sad that day for whatever reasons he didn't remember, sitting on the small swing set as his father pushed him higher and higher until his tummy hurt because of giggling so much. 

Sitting on the swing that was slightly too small for him, he idly pushed his feet back and forth, lost in his thoughts. 

"It's beautiful here isn't it? I didn't think anyone would know about this place, much less the Prince of England." 

His eyes widened, jaw dropping when he heard your voice.

"How do you know about this place?" He asked. 

"My grandfather built this place before you and I were even born. My father told me about this. Now, answer my question." You shrugged, picking the leaves of the bush you were leaning against. 

"That's nice. My father used to bring me here when I was a child. He doesn't do that anymore. I just, I wish he would spend more time with me." He said, biting his lips. 

“You come here often then?” You asked.

“Yes, whenever I feel like being left alone. I come here.” He bit his lip, nervous of the sudden silence.

"I'm sorry." You said, cutting off his wandering thoughts.

"What are you sorry for?" 

"Good childhood memories are sometimes more painful than the bad ones. At least you can deflect the bad ones, but the good ones are just a reminder of what you had and what you can't now." You said. 

"That's not entirely true, good memories can still be made you know? With the person you love." He said, getting up from the swing set. 

Walking towards You, he held his hand up, pushing a strand of your hair from your face as you ducked, shying away from his touch. 

Your breath hitched, your hands clenched behind you as he came closer. You were standing head to head now. You could feel his breath on You, your lips nearly touching. 

In the moment of courage, you leapt forward, capturing his lips in yours. 

You loved fairy tales, small stories that described kisses as magical that made sparks fly. You always thought they were exaggerations, but at this moment, when you were kissing the most beautiful boy, the Prince of England and the boy you had been crushing on since forever, you felt like you were a part of those fantasies. 

The kiss was indeed magical, albeit a little wet. You giggled when you broke apart, short of breath as you laid your hands on his chest, feeling the expensive fabric under your palm. 

"What will the others think?" You whispered. Your hair flew in whisps, the air around you whispering it's reassurance as you stood in front of him. 

"Let them think what they want to, darling. I've been the prey before, I'm ready to do it again." He smirked, pulling you by your waist for another kiss. 

"You're cheesy." You chuckled. 

"Yes, I'm melted cheese for you." 

"That was a terrible joke Holland." 

***

"Okay so you need to hold your stance, stiff but not too stiff. You will feel pressure in your shoulders the first day-" 

"- darling can't we just make out please?" 

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose as if his yapping was giving you a headache. 

You had gotten comfortable around him since your first encounter, and you felt special, seeing the goofy and happy side of the Prince. Didn't mean he didn't manage to make your heart stutter with his devilishly handsome grin (that made you want to pinch his cheeks and suck his dick).

"Thomas no." 

"Thomas yes! I don't know how you manage to do this, this bow is so heavy!" He whined, keeping down the bow and folding his hands on his chest. He looked adorable with his pout.

Smiling, you shook your head, heaving a sigh, "the bow isn't heavy, Tom. Here, how about this, I'll hold your elbow while you aim alright?" You offer.

"That would be great, princess." You blushed at the nickname, not quite used to being called that. 

"Alright drama queen, don't need to butter me." You muttered, moving closer so your chest touched his back, one hand on his elbow and the other on the string of the bow. 

He could feel your breath on his neck, shuddering as you leaned in, your hair tickling him, your rough but nimble hands featherlight on his skin.

"Now aim." You said, moving your hair from your face. 

He stuttered a response, holding himself straighter. You pushed his elbow up, right as he unleashed it, the arrow hitting the bullseye with a thud. 

"We did it! Oh god Y/N did you see that? We did it ! It hit the centre!" He laughed, turning around, the bow laying on the ground as he lifted you up.

You shrieked as he spun you in circles, laughter bubbling in your chest as you rested your head against his. 

"We did, your majesty." You smiled, leaning in to kiss him. 

You weren't afraid of being caught, you were way past that point. And you felt that you could live like that, if it meant living with the loveliest Prince of England.