#i write my scenes out of order so this is like. from the MIDDLE(ish) of sdgo if i ever decide to publish it

[way2gosuperrstarr]

HEEHOO i already did this, but boy oh boy do i love sharing my stuff !!!! so i'll do it again yay !!!! this time w the line that comes BEFORE the last line i wrote !

You’d only looked away for a second.

actual last line written ; Surely not long enough for them to pull some sort of weird, cruel prank on you.

thank you for tagging me!!!!! :D not sure who to tag, so anyone who wants to join this please please use this as your entry point!!!!!

Last Sentence Tag Game

RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.

@clockwayswrites was kind enough to tag me.

"Do you remember anything else about her that might help?!"

[I love that this gives nothing away. It could be for anything. But hey, it's actually from My Graveyard Song. Teehee]

Also no pressure to anyone I tag. Just for fun, if you feel like it

@violetshade4 @halfblackwolfdemon @sistertotheknowitall @phantoms-lair @britcision @greenglowinspooks @mutable-manifestation @mokulule @bluerosefox @shower-phantom-ideas

[leo-interactive-fiction]

Happy (belated) fifth anniversary for Triaina Academy, Leo! I hope that you got to at least do a small celebration for five years of work sometime in June. In the spirit of Triaina being five, I wanted to ask you about the old demo, actually; is there a scene you left / are going to leave on the cutting room floor that you miss? Are there other plot points from it that you really liked? I'm curious about how you feel about it after so long. Regardless, I hope this finds you well!

Hey there! Damn, it really doesn't feel like it's been five years since I've began undertaking this project haha. The very first showing of Triaina Academy was in june, and was fairly sizable for its first posting, hovering around 70k-ish words leading up to the middle of the 2nd chapter and having introductions for everyone except S and F. During then, I had far more free time available to me, and worked on that version of the demo until it grew to around 250-300k words spanning nearly 5 chapters.

But I realized as I had progressed through writing that the quality of my early chapter writing wasn't consistent with the current standards I wanted to have now, and so much of that wordcount was scrapped, with only the skeletonized outline remaining of the old work. I returned to square one and rewrote the story in its entirety from the beginning, leading to the current state now, with the revised version hitting close to 220k words. In the back of my head I consider that, had I just continued writing without a revision, Triaina Academy would already be a finished product.

In many ways I regret that despite it being five years, it feels like there is nothing much for me to show for it. Even more so now that my work pushes me between mental stress and physical exhaustion, often giving me little time or motivation to pull up the writing on my computer. But I love what I've created. I love the joys it brings me as a creative, as well as hearing the joy it brings you all to read. So even if it seems like I fall away, I am still pressing on to continue, even if it's a tiny bit at a time, until it becomes something both I and readers can find joy in.

Now, speaking of the old demo, there's many scenes that have become nonexistent. I liked quite a few of them, and there are probably many overarching ideas that will return in different forms within the new context of the current demo. But there are also many that won't.

A few mentions of old scenes that probably won't be making a return, either because they've been replaced or they are no longer relevant:

During the very first date with raven, although the makeshift "home" returned, there was an additional scene where the MC discovers mutilated bodies in a closet space.

Before the festival scene seen in the demo now, the working equivalent of it in the old demo was an underground party held by students of the academy in an abandoned airport. The idea of this was cut out because within the story, I decided the world wasn't in a current state for airspace travel save for very specific exceptions. But during this scene, the party is interrupted by a body being discovered hanging from the overhead walkways of a hangar, paired with a bloody message.

There was a scene where you could order and allow V to shoot and kill a student. Originally I had thought to make this into a fail state where the MC and V were thrown in jail for a game over, but upon the revision this was taken out entirely, as I decided against abrupt, early endings.

Infamously, E was originally written as a step-sibling character in the old demo. I had thought on testing and developing the dynamic, since I didn't see very many games do it, and my game was pretty heavily inspired by various anime and manga related tropes and character styles. But eventually, I decided to shift them into a childhood friend/next door neighbor romance without adjusting their personality because I put a lot of effort into developing the entirety of their story arch, and I wanted them to appeal to a more general audience. Funnily enough, they are still labeled as their old role within the code, just because it has become too much work to change all of the variables haha

F's personal assistant, Fiore, didn't actually exist within the old demo. At least not in the same capacity. She was added because I realized F's personality didn't work well as an independent romantic driver, and they needed an additional external factor to push F into more romantic situations. Fiore RO DLC is an additional purchase of $9999.

In the old demo, MC's, and to a lesser extent everyone else's parents, played far less of an apparent role. I wanted to develop a story showing the previous generation compared to the current one, as in some ways there is a "passing of the torch" theme throughout the plot.

S and F were introduced far later in the old demo, to the point every other RO was given a full extra date scene before they joined the picture. One goal of my revision was being able to give these two an earlier introduction so they could all have their own date scene. In the old demo they were introduced in a scene where P and the MC had to switch rooms, allowing the MC to meet the last two members of Dorm Exul, as well as I think letting them read P's diary.

You used to be able to choose both M and P's gender independently, but with them becoming more structured as identical twins, M will always be the same gender you pick for P.

R used to be far more of a directly flirtatious character like M, but has since naturally shifted to the laid-back, bantering character they are now as I've continued writing them.

Similarly, V was written in a far more robotic tone with only short one-to-three-word responses, and although they are still fairly terse and unemotional, they've developed over time to have far more spoken dialogue and hints of emotional cracks.

There used to be a fail scene in M's romance if you refused to hit them the first time. Much like the other fail state, this was taken out and the decision between leaning into their masochistic tendencies or not became part of their path selection.

Many of the side characters within the story were not introduced, and so neither were their stories. Lewis and S's hostile relationship was not developed, Rex and Acer only had passing remarks, Treyla, Juno, Uno, and others who were nonexistent to the plot now hold some relevance to specific MC specializations, and instructors other than Rosaline and Hoft were given names and a larger part as progressors of MC specializations.

As far as the most favorite scene that I'll miss leaving on the cutting room for, hmm. It is most likely the school tournament arc that I had planned in the old demo. It was in the works and quite far in development at the time that I realized my writing had taken far steps away from the book's early development, both in quality and creative direction. The tournament was supposed to be a method to more actively showcase the combat capabilities of each character's powers, with several rounds and fight scenes already written. But within this new revised plot, I plan for the S.T.E.M. abilities to develop far slower and gradually with trackable leaps in power, not yet becoming combat capable at the time this tournament arc would've occurred. Still, the scene and idea I had in my head, and what I had already written, was quite fun! Although I probably won't be able to figure out a way for this exact scenario to happen now, eventually I would love to bring back the idea of a tournament, or arena type of setting, at some point in the story haha.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings. I didn't think the response would get this long haha. Triaina Academy has recieved so much more positive reception and love than I could have ever imagined when I first began working on it. In all honesty, I had figured that maybe I would be writing for a handful or so to see and think it was neat, and I'd be plucking away at it from time to time with no real thought to its success in mind. But it has instead risen to a stage far larger than I thought it could perform on, almost dauntingly so as I fear for disappointing so many, both with its quality, and the fact I can't dedicate as much into its development as people hope and ask for. Even still, I hope you can forgive me for not being able to rise to expectations, especially in regard to the pace of development, or the length of silence revolving it. The one thing I can promise, is that I still love this creation of mine, and all of you who have seen and may continue to see it flourish, and I do not plan to end its development unless I die a very painful, early death.

Thank you very much!

[zombolouge]

BRACE YOURSELF ITS QUESTION TIME

What’s your current writing project(s)? How do you feel about it, how far along are you? Anything else you want to share about it?

I LOVE YOU JELLY you sent me so many kickass asks that I can't wait to answer. I shall do one every other day so I don't spam my followers and also so I can mull over all the answers in a ponderous, serious manner. ;)

Currently still poking the rapidly expanding middle of Fanatical, my sequel to Indefensible in my Ace Attorney series. Indefensible picks up about a couple months after AA6: Spirit of Justice and follows through an original plotline in the AA universe. I wrote my own cases for it and tried very much to make reading them feel just like it would if you were playing a new game, except I showed all the emotional bits in between the investigation/trial scenes. I also gave full arcs to like...all the fucking characters so this bitch was long lolol but I am exceedingly proud of it and will show it to anyone who even remotely expresses an interest in AA with big, pleading eyes, hoping that they'll read it.

Fanatical takes place about 7-ish months after the epilogue of Indefensible, picking up with a certain auspicious wedding and then immediately plunging all our favorite lawyers into further mysteries. I found while writing Indefensible that I absolutely love writing mystery, even though it also makes me insane, and there were (unbelievably) a few things I didn't get to cover in the first 500k words I wrote. So as I approached the ending of Indefensible, I started thinking about if I had enough to build into another fic, realized I did, and got to work on that. It currently has about 90k of it posted, another 50k written (out of order, which is why I can't post any of it yet lol).

It's been vexing me for a few months because there were some details of the plot my brain hadn't fully visualized yet. I'm getting much, MUCH closer to having a clear vision of it, though. I've finally got the plot beats mapped out, and I can finally see which characters in particular needed a little more attention to their arcs. It's pretty hard to write mystery, even harder to write it when I have at least 21 individual characters to map out an arc for, and something so complex definitely takes time to fully consider. I feel bad that it's been so slow going and that I had to take a break from it, but I haven't put it on full hiatus yet since it's still the project I'm focused on.

So far the theme is clear to me, though, and the biggest plot beats are firm, it's just a few of the subplots that need some TLC. Not every character has to be active for every part of the plot, but I do need to know where their head is at and what they're doing, and how that will intersect with the parts they are actively participating in.

I'm hoping that I can get it on the page before the new Dragon Age game comes out, because that WILL force Fanatical into hiatus because I'll immediately be working on DA stuff. If I don't have most/all of Fanatical done by end of September, it's hiatus will probably be another long one, and I'm very stressed about that. Hoping those that have read it will forgive me, since they already had to weather a years' long hiatus on Indefensible. Did my best to make it worth the wait, tho. ;)

Thank you for giving me a chance to ramble about these things, I LOVE talking about my work and processes and thoughts about characters and stuff, so I always welcome asks. <3

[i-logophile]

So I made that playlist for Game of Shards (and just generally, the turtles), and I've decided to explain the TGP-specific songs in excessive detail bc y'all don't understand the depths of my hyper-fixations.

For the most part, the playlist is in chronological order; however, some of the songs are grouped by general vibes (e.g., songs for Leo's various timeouts in the darkness are all grouped together as opposed to being chronological with the story), and whenever it switches perspective, it may go back to previous chapters (e.g., the first 40-ish songs follow Leo through Ch. 1-7, and then it jumps back to Ch 2 for his brothers' POVs). Instrumentals/OSTs are scattered throughout as interludes between scenes and/or perspectives.

Tbh I don't even mind if people actually read this; I just wanted to write this down lmao

If y'all have any suggestions or song recs, feel free to put them out there! (I reserve the right not to add them to the playlist tho—no hard feelings 🙃) I will probably continue adding to this list because I keep finding more and more songs lol

TGP spoiler alert (duh...). Also TW for mental health issues in some songs.

ROTTMNT Movie

1. "Everybody Loves Me" - Okay, but this song is just like LEO all the way. 2. "give a little." - Leo, stop that angsty middle-child nonsense (saxophone slaps tho). 3. "Expectations" - I ain't got much to say about this one tbh. I feel like it fits the vibe though. 4. "Doomsday" - Leo's getting frustrated with all this leader/hero business. He wants to go back to the simpler times when all he had to do was look pretty and smooth talk. 5. "Not OK" - Leo's tired of being told what to do. the lyrics "Sorry can you please repeat the question? / I'm broke, and I never pay attention" really give that Leo+Raph scene in Leo's room in the movie. 6. "ight bet" - Leo gets cocky and impulsive. 7. "One Wrong Turn" - It's not so much the lyrics as the theme of the song. In other words, Leo, you done fxcked up. "Something funny that I've learned / Is just how quickly fate can turn / How one simple mistake can take you out (out, out, out) / Something funny that I've found / Is just how quickly worlds burn down / Make one wrong turn and you can't turn around ('round, 'round, 'round) / One wrong turn can burn things to the ground." 8. "The Tornado" - LISTEN TO THESE LYRICS. They fit the movie perfectly, especially "Every fiber in me screamed out, but I couldn't make a sound / The whirling of a vortex, a violent carousel / It sounded like a freight train was draggin' me to hell / And this was my prayer / "Save me from this terrible nightmare!" / That was when I saw my family with my eyes shut real tight / Would they know how much I loved them if this was how I died? / No, I vowed I'd not be murdered by a monster in the sky that night." 9. "Otherside" - Leo's existential crisis following the Invasion Pt. 1 10. "When I Die" - Leo's existential crisis following the Invasion Pt. 2.

TGP Ch. 1: Leo Reminiscing

11. "Hold It Down" - More existential crisis, but now with that ever-familiar side of guilt and regret. 12. "Humpty Dumpty" - Something's wrong (*cough* PTSD *cough* chronic injuries *cough*). Leo's trying to push through it. 13. "Home" - The lyrics "When I fall, will you show me who I'm meant to be? / Because I'm getting tired of who I've become", "I'm not a hero or a child, I'm just something in between", and "Days passed as I would start to scream / I'd hear the words around my head like they were circling / You'll never be who they all want you to become / Oh will I make them proud enough / Or am I even worth the love / Don't let my self-doubt take my pride away, yeah / Because my spirit felt the cuts / And my ego lost its luster just as fast as I could say" hits my soul. Poor Leo. 14. "Growing Sideways" - Leo's brothers all seem to be healing, why isn't he? 15. "Superkid" - Leo's a ninja, a hero, yet something is still wrong—he realizes it's him. He surveys the damage to the city and thinks of the struggles his family has faced. He blames himself. ("So, hide your face / Smile at the people even if it's fake / 'Cause they can't know your kryptonite / Fly around the city, make 'em think you're fine / But you can't save them.") 16. "Tread On Me" - Leo's trying to take responsibility, but he's drained. "Lotta miles, lotta folds, I'm still tryin' to just get back up / Don't you tread on me / I could hardly sleep / So I don't / And I can hardly speak / So I won't." "I'm tryna live in the moment like you told me / I'm tryna control it without givin' it up / I'm a soldier and I'm on my feet for now." 17. "Porcelain" - It's the glass theme, guys. 18. "One Winged Airplane" - Self-deprecation with just a touch of despair. ("Even though I keep on fallin', I just pick myself back up / I just keep puttin' my all in, even though it's not enough / I've lost so much already, so what? I'm not afraid to show up.") (I'm biased toward the ADHD songs ngl.) 19. "Corner of the World" - Depression(TM): Leo Style. ("It was tough when he was younger, but he finally got it down / Convincing everybody he's a comic, he's a clown / 'Cause he hides it so well that it can't possibly be found / He's constantly let down, but he says that he heals / He laughs and jokes about it, but it isn't real / He just mirrors the emotions that he wish he could feel / But if no one ever noticed, it's a victory still.")

Ch. 1: Leo's Run

20. "Run Away to Mars" - The song's a vibe, and it fits the scene, what can I say? 21. "Run" - Leo was getting stir-crazy in the lair. Luckily, he can go for a nice run while he waits for the pizzas. ("Something isn't right, I can't hear the inner me / But my shell is doing well, so nobody intervenes / Convos feel like interviews, I get through by any means / Mirror on my face, I'm just displaying what you give to me / Every day I fantasize of burning it all / Go somewhere where I would never be a burden at all / Take every penny that I ever earned and give it away / Disconnect the telephone and disappear in a day.") 22. "run little hero" - "Run, run, run, run from your friends, from your family / Like they're the next calamity / Cut them out like profanity, – into insanity / Running from your commitments / You're running up on the price / You better run little hero / 'Cause you're running out of time." Also, the last lyric of this song killed me. 23. "Run Boy Run" - Just a run, a nice, chill, definitely-not-gonna-have-consequences run.

Ch. 1: Leo and the EPF Van (plus ~panic attacks~)

24. "Paranoia" - Leo notices a black van. Again. And again. 25. "Overwhelmed" - Pretty self-explanatory if you know the song—though this is a different cover than the OG, so a bunch of the lyrics are different. (Personally, I like this version better.)

Ch. 1: Leo v. Mark and Clark

26. "OH WELL" - Everything's gone to shit. 😃 27. "life is good" - Leo cannot, in fact, dodge tranquilizers. "Face down, but I can feel my body moving / Is this real or am I in an illusion / Get up get up I’m only human / Pupils dilated like I’m bout to lose it / so crazy so I turn off the news / Living in a lie and we can’t see the truth / Every one fighting tell me which side are you" 28. "Redecorate" - "I don't want to go like this / At least let me clean my room. / I don't want to leave like this / 'Cause the last thing I want to do is / Make my people make decisions / Wondering what to do." 29. "alive (it's a lie) - demo" - As Leo succumbs to the tranqs, he can't help but think of his brothers, all seemingly on the road to full recovery. Meanwhile, he's stuck. Some ninja he is.

1. Interlude

30. "Sinister Intentions" - Get it? Bc the EPF has sinister intentions? Somebody stop me

Ch. 3: Leo Wakes up and Meets Bishop

31. "Lucky Charms" - Leo wakes up in his cell and thinks lots of lovely self-loathing thoughts. ("Wish I could say, wish I could say / That this won't last forever / But every day, but every day / It never seems to get better / I hate myself but I don't want to / I'd ask for help but I'm too strong to / I got some feelings I've been fighting / Always hiding the truth.") 32. "Now That We're Alone" - Bishop and Leo vibes all the way.

Ch. 3-7: The Darkness (AKA Leo's timeouts) & Bishop's Interrogations

33. "Black Water" - Just listen, you'll get it. 34. "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" - Leo goin' crazy, y'all 😜 35. "Timebomb" - Leo's thoughts toward B-Man during literally every interrogation. 36. "Panic Room" - All bets are off when the lights turn off. 37. "Talking To Myself - demo" - He misses his family, your honor. 38. "Pretty Little Smile" - Leo's trying his best to hold it together. 39. "Ship in a Bottle" - Leo spiraling about Bishop and the EPF and his brothers and... 40. "SAD (Clap Your Hands)" - Thinking specifically of Leo doing the Cup Song here.

2. Interlude

41. "Solas" - Felt like this one was properly somber, but still a good transition into the frantic energy of Leo's brothers in Ch. 2.

Ch. 2-6: Donnie, Raph, & Mikey Want Their Brother Back

42. "Enough" - Donnie is angry at everything. He just wants Leo back. 43. "Me Myself & I" - Donnie regrets fighting with his family. 44. "Happy Song (Low Key)" - Mikey's gonna keep smiling if it kills him. 45. "Brightside" - Mikey tries to hold the family together while dealing with his own issues regarding Leo's capture. 46. "I'm Doing Fine" - Raph struggles under the leader's mantle.

3. Interlude

47. "Glacial Basin" - An appropriately unnerving prelude to Bishop's plan(s).

Ch. 8: Bishop Tries To Manipulate Leo

48. "Twisted" - Leo is (high on pain and painkillers but also) so confused. Come on, Bishop, you're hurting his concussed, drugged-up turtle brain.

Ch. 9: Bioagent-X

49. "Control" - Leo gets angry at Bishop, escapes, and finds his brothers, but he doesn't know what's going on with himself. (I know this song's kinda overused in a lot of fandoms, but I couldn't not include it. I mean, it makes sense here, doesn't it??)

Ch. 10: Turtles v. EPF

50. "Clouds" - Bioagent-X takes its toll. The EPF attacks. 51. "CHOKE" - The plan falls apart. Leo is taken once again. Angst, spice, and nothing is nice.

4. Interlude

52. "Fade (Interlude)" - It's a sad moment, dammit.

Ch. 11-12: They Are All Struggling

53. "everything is falling apart again" - I felt like this song fits Raph very well, especially here. One of his themes in TGP was that he felt like things were falling apart, and since the first half of this chapter is from his perspective following the disaster that was Ch. 10, this was the perfect place for this song. 54. "Gravedigger" - Leo is throwing reason and caution to the wind. If he's his own gravedigger, why not dig his grave as deep as possible and make it even more difficult for the EPF? 55. "Dark Room" - Back home again to his cell and the darkness and Bishop's manipulations. "Way down we go / To the dark room / Where your pain's the only one to greet you / Down we go / To the mind that / Will deceive you. / Only out to get you." 56. "Numb" - Leo struggles with despair. 57. "Headlights" - Leo's had enough. "Is it only me or do you / Ever feel like you've had enough? / Screaming at the top of your lungs / These days it's so dark and I can't get my head right / Mind is spinning out of control / Running, but there's nowhere to go / These days it's so dark that I can't see with headlights."

5. Interlude (and Ch. 12)

58. "Rain, in Your Black Eyes" - I know it's long, but this is my favorite instrumental piece. It's solemn but gradually hopeful. This song follows Leo regaining his Ninpō in Ch. 12.

Ch. 12: A Small Spark, A Blue Flame

59. "Power" - Leo uses his Ninpō and faces down the EPF with his escape in sight.

Ch. 13: Mind Meld

60. "Brother" - They've found him (granted, in the Mind Meld). (And, yes, I know the song's overused yada yada, but it fits.) 61. "can you hear me?" - Leo's gotten this far, but he can't get out alone. 62. "No Chances" - "We want you home in one piece now / We come for you, no chances"

6. Interlude

63. "The Last Survivors" - Cinematic and dramatic.

Ch. 14: Leo Holds On

64. "Come Home" - Leo's trying to come home. 65. "Bones" - Leo plays a desperate, painful game of hide-and-seek while his Ninpō fades in and out of his control. 66. "Bleeding Out" - This song makes me specifically think of when the EPF overtakes Leo after Bishops turns off the lights. 67. "My Tears Are Becoming A Sea" - Leo sees his brothers' light in the impenetrable darkness.

Ch. 14: Hamatos to the Rescue

68. "Flares" - Leo's family is here for him. 69. "Edge of Rain" - Hamatos v. EPF (Take 2)

Ch. 15: They Got Him Back

70. "Call Your Mom" - Yes, I know the song's about Noah Kahan's girlfriend, BUT "Stayed on the line with you the entire night / 'Til you let it out and let it in / Don't let this darkness fool you / All lights turned off can be turned on", "Waiting room, no place to stand / His greatest fears and wringing hands and the loudest silence / If you could see yourself like this", and "Don't wanna drive another mile wonderin' if you're breathin' / So, won't you stay, won't you stay, won't you stay with me?" IT FITS DAMMIT.

Ch. 16: Bishop's Boutta Get It, Guys

71. "Start a War" - Okay, but why does this song describe Game of Shards (not just TGP) so well? I think specifically of the lines: "Bang, shots fired. / Pain is what you desire. / The pen is mightier than the sword." ;)

7. Interlude

72. "Nuvole Bianche" - The send-off. For now.

Once again, feel free to suggest other songs. You may have noticed that some chapters/scenes didn't have any songs, so if you think you know a song that would fit somewhere, lmk! (I'm particularly salty that I haven't found songs for any scenes with the Krang Sister :P)

[philosophicalparadox]

Well I did something

Update! We are at chapter 14 going on 15 now. This is going to be So Much Longer than I thought. Bout to start phase 2 of the KakaIru relationship, dip into the NaruSaku and then spam like three chapters of KisaIta cause I have way more scenes for those two lol

Check it out if you’re into it. Takes place somewhere in the middle of Shippuden, after the Itachi Retrieval arc but in an alternate universe in which Hidan and Kakuzu don’t die (nor does Asuma) and Deidara doesn’t fight Sasuke, though Kisame eventually does. I’ll work out the kinks later (haha punny punny)

Very Naruto-fandom Summary updated:

For Shinobi, Love is tantamount to Sin. There are good reasons for that.

For each Shinobi harbors Scars, and hides Secrets. Scars that twist them; Secrets that scar them. Sometimes love can heal. Sometimes it can hurt. And sometimes it’s just inevitable.

A tale focusing on a few sets of Lovers whose stories drift together, and as they collide like galaxies, they create new, otherwise implausible worlds along the way.

Or, a tale in which Itachi doesn't quite get his way, and Sasuke has no choice but to return home to find his brother, with some...unexpected, company of his own; Kakashi becomes a savior and surrogate lover as well as a real one, and Kisame is hopelessly doomed by the narrative because love makes you do stupid things. Selfless, honest, terrible, very stupid things.

*smut officially begins in ch. 9* *Sasuke’s arc starts ch. 12* SLOW BURN with disjointed character chapters/arcs at the beginning. This will resolve as the arcs collide.

PAIRINGS: Kakashi/Iruka and Kisame/Itachi main, in that order more or less. Eventual Kakashi/Itachi and maaaaybe a three way. Maybe.

Others include Sasuke/Suigetsu (which isn’t exactly serious) and Sasuke/Karin (with consequences) cause we are goin with the repressed hyper sexual teenager trope again, Naruto/Sakura (no! Not like that! Don’t compare me to the incels that write that crap) and eventually a Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura polycule. They’re rare! And honestly I Love writing Sakura way more than I thought I would. Exploring the Naruto verse from Kunoichi perspective is Fun! (If a bit depressing)

Loads of BDSM stuff particularly where Sasuke and Kakashi are concerned. Are you surprised? lol.

Genre: Hurt/comfort (much ow. Lots of angst. Plenty of bittersweet.) some Whump-ish moments, especially in the Awkward Caretaker trope. no horror elements (gasp! No horror from me? Unheard of!) but some medical stuff that’s pretty accurate but not very gory. I tried to curb my itch to make it bloody but if you’ve read my stuff or been around on my blog you’ll know that’s hard.

WARNING: Explicit Rating Justified. A Dead Dove: Do Not Eat (pfffft like I write anything else) Some vague but critically important scenes of SA. Deals with heavy PTSD issues, SA recovery, and Cancer, because Itachi is Dying and I needed something more survivable than the alternatives. Some medical ickiness and Ew moments but nothing too graphic. (Eh…for me, that is. Take it with a pinch of salt.) among these are mentions of morphine use in hospice, euthanasia, The Death Rattle, vomiting, migraines, aforementioned cancer, and Awkward Caretaker moments.

There’s also some um…social commentary? About the Japanese-flavored society these characters live in embedded into the story, things like social homophobia and sexism that are similarly Japanese-flavored and kinda historically accurate. (Plus like, Kishimoto man. He built that crap into the manga and it feels weird not to notice it?)

Itachi LIVES but so does Sasuke. They do eventually make nice…The Hard Way. (Undecided how I’m handling their relationship. Might decideto go for a Brother Complex Sasuke. Right now the fic is writing itself and I’m just letting it. Will update if that happens.)

Also I know way too many things about sharks so my Kisame HC’s are working through lol Sharks Make Sounds and You Can’t Stop Me.

[writingwhilecaffeinated]

20 Questions for Fan Fic Writers~

First, thank you @crotchety-old-emu for tagging me, it was kind of you, and I had fun doing this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

49, admittedly quite a few unfinished. I’m hoping now that I’m older and on a better roll with finishing I’ll go back to some… eventually. This is not including old stuff from FFN and LJ that just either wouldn’t go well on AO3 Or don’t have fandoms to speak of anymore.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

436,778

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Bridgerton. But done Harry Potter, Sense8, The Old Guard, The Little Mermaid (Live Action. Jonah and Halle were precious, ok???), Doctor Who, Julie and the Phantoms, Narnia, Avengers… waaaaaay back on LJ I did some KPOP fandoms and WAAAAAAYYY back on FFN I write for InuYasha, Merlin, Prince of Tennis. Like, I was YOUNG. It was a time. 😆

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. no matter the years (my heart is yours) - Bridgerton Reverse Harem. Penelope with Anthony and Benedict and eventually Colin, but it’s hidden because it’s still set in the Regency. No incest, just good old polyandry. While admittedly the smut scenes are explicit, it had a lot more emotional heart than even I originally planned.

2. Bathymetry of the Heart - Little Mermaid Live Action, telling of Eric/Ariel after they’re reunited. Just emotional fluff.

3. some of it’s transcendental (some of it’s just really dumb) - Bridgerton, Benelope story. Basically season 3 ish if it became Benelope. I had a vision of what I wanted, no one else had written it so I just… did it myself. It is also very sweet and more emotion than what I originally intended. Not as much smut as I thought.

3. Curiosities - continuation of the first Ariel/Eric.

4. Proud of Your Boy - Same as above

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try very hard to respond. I don’t always get to them, but I try to even to those that are just a heart or something. I only don’t respond to outright mean comments. Better to just ignore.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

One that was a one-shot from forever ago, a super weird crossover to. It was soon after the avengers movie came out and it was a crossover with Doctor Who, and Steve fell for River Song but he would never tell her cause she so obviously love the Doctor. Don’t judge me! Honestly it’s a one-shot series called “i defy you stars.”

7. What’s the fic you wrote eith the happiest ending?

Most of them, I’m not good with writing sad endings. ANGSTY middles yeah, but not endings most of the time.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

For sure! Mostly on my reverse harem, the ABC+P one. People though I didn’t like Colin for how his character was treated and ended up, and that’s not it at all. Colin was just in a completely different place from his brothers, and in my head even past the story I wrote he grows more and fits into the family created beautifully and maturely, eventually staying home full time. But I didn’t have enough space in that narrative to tell that so it didn’t come off well to most people.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I didn’t used to, I used to be very uncomfortable with it. But I wanted something specific in order to tell the story and it just… happened? Now I’ve become a heathen and gotten slightly more kinky with it. 😆

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yup, see above. The Avengers and Doctor Who one for sure.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of/remember.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not in the sense of splitting the writing but definitely in terms of plot planning!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I can’t pick one, I’m sorry. I’m Bridgerton right now it’s Benelope (let me be clear I LOVE Benophie and Polin! I’m just a crackship girly by nature). HP it’s Fremione or Dramione. The Old Guard It’s Nicky/Joe. There’s a lot more I’m forgetting.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably Pick Your Poison, a Dramione fic where Hermione enters an underground ring that’s like Russian roulette but with poisons. I liked the idea.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Oof um… I’m tough on myself. That’s hard. Can I say “ideas”? Im great at developing plot points and stories, maybe even character reflections.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Details that aren’t what the characters are doing. I focus too much on body movement and not what else is going around that could tell the story.

Oh, and commas are my enemy.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Limited personally. If the character knows another language I do my best to research it, but otherwise I avoid.

19. First fandom you write for?

InuYasha on FFN.

20. Favorite fics you’ve written?

Probably some of it’s transcendental (some of it’s just really dumb) because I proved to myself writing that gif I could write a chartered story to completion, and with writing I was proud of.

Also one of my The Old Guard ones, mostly because I wrote a fight scene I was proud of -> When You Least Expect It

Tagging @velvetcovered-brick, my lovely friend who has been helping me talk out my latest fics lately. ♥️♥️♥️ youuuuuu.

[askundeadbluelesbians]

Confronting Your Demons

CW: Mentions of trauma, panic attacks, rape, murder, torture, racism, violence against women, interaction between exes

(Side note: this is my first time writing a pair of exes who aren’t exactly amicable (like Damien and Vera in Sparks & Fire), but don’t exactly loathe each other either. This is also my first attempt in writing a fight scene.)

She hadn’t had any nightmares in a long time. So long, she can’t recall when the last time she had one, or even a panic attack related to them. Seeing her birth family again after over twenty-five years definitely helped in that regard; just telling them that she was alive…ish, and well was just enough.

But still, one shadow lingered deep in her mind: that of her killer. While she hasn’t suffered from nightmares regarding him; he finally returned the previous night. The only thing was that she didn’t dream about the traumatic event that ended her life. Rather… something else.

And to think she started having nightmares again after her and Polly’s big fight. After she started sleeping at Brian’s place. She just groaned, thinking that it was just a coincidence. Now, Brian had killed the man responsible for both of their deaths within minutes of reawakening, so that destroyed any chances of her getting closure from his end… or did it?

She had an idea to do so, but it involved seeking out a certain someone she used to be close to. Besides, fighting or not, she didn’t want to drag Polly into her mess. So she felt like she had no choice otherwise.

Hesitatingly, she headed back to the apartment building, heading not to her apartment door, but the door of her next door neighbor… her ex. A light knock on the door, and he answered. Deep red hair disheveled, wearing only a pair of boxers and a bathrobe, he looked like he had just woken up, even though it was 2:00 in the afternoon.

“Hey… what do you want?” he asked, looking down at the woman who was more than a foot shorter than him. There was no venom in his voice; just the irritation of a man who had just woken up.

“Can I come inside? After you’re dressed, of course,” Vicky answered. “I need your help.”

Damien, tired as he was, only raised an eyebrow. “Really? You need my help? You sure your girlfriend ain’t able to? Or do you actually need my boyfriend? Well he ain’t available either,” he replied, with more of a bitter sneer to his voice.

“Well maybe if you’d get dressed, I could explain better,” Vicky responded, using the same tone against him, looking him in the eye and trying hard not to stare at his perfectly sculpted chest, or abs, or lower.

Even if she wanted to, Damien didn’t give her much of a chance, as he shut the door in her face. Undeterred, Vicky stood there, tapping her foot as she waited for Damien to return. To her surprise, he opened the door again, this time in his signature orange leather jacket, as well as the rest of his casual attire. He now looked less tired, but still irritated.

“Start talking,” he ordered, inviting her inside and letting her sit on his bed. He, in turn, began working on his hair and his horns, half-paying attention to her.

“So… you’re a Prince of Hell, right?”

“Wanna make something of it?”

“So… you can talk to sinners who were once alive, like I was… right?”

“… Yeah. I don’t, because most of them are whiny assholes complaining that they shouldn’t be in Hell.”

“… Could you check to see if there’s a certain someone in any of the circles of Hell?”

“Eh, why do you ask?”

“… I want to meet my killer.”

Damien just paused in the middle of applying his eyeliner when she asked that. Slowly, he turned to her, a sense of curiosity and concern beginning to rise.

“… You never told me you’d been killed.”

“I never knew while we were together. I had only found out shortly after we broke up,” Vicky explained. “I had been having nightmares about how I died and—”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having nightmares?!” he asked, now joining her on the bed.

“I… don’t know,” Vicky answered with a shiver.

“So whose ass am I kicking?!” he shouted, anger taking over.

“Damien! It’s not about that!” she yelled back. “I just wanna talk to him, tell him I’m living my best afterlife, no thanks to him! … And certainly no thanks to you.”

“Okay, why are you dragging me into this?!”

“Gee, I don’t know! Maybe it’s because you violated my trust!”

“So it’s my fault I see my girlfriend tossing and turning in bed and I want to comfort her?!”

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE HIM!” Suddenly, Vicky fell silent. Thinking back to that night when she let Damien stay over because it was raining. She didn’t remember what it was she was dreaming about; only being grabbed from behind, kicking, screaming, and slapping her assailant in the face. Said assailant happened to be Damien, trying to hold her in his sleep.

Damien, meanwhile, finally realized why she has been so hostile that night. Why she screamed at him to leave her room. Why there were tears in her eyes and terror written on her face. Why he obliged and left, he still never understood. Probably to avoid the wrath of Vicky’s mother. Even so, while it explained so much, it still left him with questions. This woman who had once loved dearly… was murdered? And that she had apparently been having nightmares about her killer?!

After over a year of not being together, only now did either one of them decide to, well, talk to each other about it. Even as they hung together through their respective partners, it never came up. They just got along for their partners sake, since Polly and Oz were still good friends. Vicky and Damien, on the other hand? Not so much. Shaking that thought out of his head, he took her hand. Break-ups never were his favorite subject to talk about.

“How long have you been having these nightmares?” he finally asked.

“I don’t know… for a while, I guess. They only became more clear after the breakup…” Vicky answered, not exactly pulling her hand away. “Then after therapy, and Polly, they came less and less often.”

“So why come to me?”

“It… happened again last night. After so long, I had a nightmare about him, finding me, somehow finding Polly and…” Vicky couldn’t finish that sentence, as she had to hold back a sob. It hurt too much to even think about, let alone talk about. “I didn’t wanna tell her, because I didn’t want her to think about HIM possibly hurting me again, let alone her!”

Damien could tell she was holding back tears. He never liked seeing her cry. He never really found himself good at the whole, “comfort,” thing—likely why she dumped him—but he figured having Oz as a boyfriend helped him on that front. Sure, he had previous partners before her: Hope, Miranda, Liam, Vera, he even had a one-night-stand with Aaravi somewhere down the line.

But there was just something about Vicky that still made him feel, well, what he feels with Oz now. The feeling that if anyone were to hurt either of them—either physically or, like now, making them cry—that’d be the last thing anyone ever did. So hearing this bombshell, he practically froze. After a while of sitting in silence, his ex-girlfriend silent herself, he got up and grabbed his car keys.

“What’s the bastard’s name?”

Later, he and Vicky found themselves in the Second Circle of Hell, where all of the sinners whose crimes of Lust deemed them unworthy of the gates of Heaven. Some sinners here are living relatively happy afterlives, what with the amount of orgies happening every hour, in spite of the raging storms that seemed to contain itself within the Circle. This is what Damien would consider the, “sexy,” part of Hell. Makes sense, given the sin.

But there are some sinners in this circle that nobody would want to affiliate themselves with, and would gladly leave them smothered in fire and brimstone. Among them was one man: been here since 1996, known in life as a serial killer and rapist. He could’ve had anything and everything he ever wanted, but he would mostly take what, and who, he wanted by force. After his death at the hands of a hungry zombie-like man, he was judged harshly and sent here.

So it certainly surprised him when he was told that he’d be getting a visitor. A royal visitor no less. He figured it’d be either of the Queens of the Second Circle of Hell, if not they’re sixteen-year-old daughter. To his disappointment, he was being visited by one of the Princes from another Circle of Hell instead. However, his disappointment fell when he saw that the Prince had a girl with him. Perhaps he could have some fun with this after all.

Outside of the room, Vicky and Damien had gazed through the window separating them from him. Vicky took a good look at the man who made the last weeks of her original life a living Hell. His buzz cut blonde hair had seemingly burned off, with patches of it growing sporadically across his head. Like her, he was stitched back together, with bite marks in certain places where the stitching met, having never been allowed to heal. Only his eyes, as blue and cold as ice, remained the same as they were in his own life. And yet, all he did was stand there, looking in her direction, almost trying to analyze her, seeing if he was able to recognize her.

“Vicky, are… are you certain you want to take him head-on?” Damien asked.

“Yes,” she answered. “I don’t need you kicking his ass for me. I can handle him.” Without hesitation, she opened the door, giving her entrance into the cell-like room that held the man who ended her life.

“Huh… so the Prince here is letting me have a turn with his whore… Okay then,” he muttered as Vicky entered the room, letting the door shut behind her. Vicky made no indication that she heard what he said.

“Well… Hello, Jonathan,” she began, standing firmly in front of him. It was then that she realized how much he towered over her. Was it the same when both were alive? Or did she perceive him that way because he always had her pinned down underneath him? She shook that memory out of her head with a shiver.

“Do I know you?” he asked, looking down at her with a sneer. Vicky, unflinching, took a deep breath, careful to not inhale the sulfur.

“Don’t you recognize me? You’ve had me kidnapped, raped, and tortured before you murdered me.”

“You and eleven other women, Dollface,” he replied, eyes scanning her body. “Then again, maybe I do… Too bad I never caught your name… Never bothered really. You learn the name of a whore, you start getting attached to it.”

“You think you would, considering you likely heard it during your trial. At least two life sentences, I’ve been told.”

“Oh really…” he chuckled, taking her chin in his hand, which she promptly swatted away. “Oh, I could never forget the last pretty face I killed.”

“So you do remember me…”

“I’m surprised your Master is allowing you to dress modestly.”

“… My what?”

“You heard me. Why else would you be here? His Royal Highness wishes to share his concubine with the public. But at least death seems to make you more presentable,” he sneered, paying attention to her skin. Sure, it was blue instead of olive like it was in life, but at least it was a light blue.

“Still as racist as the rumors say…” Vicky muttered. “But no; that’s not why I’m here. And I have no Master, thank you very much!”

“Alright then, humor me, Chica. What made you decide you were worthy of my presence?” Jonathan asked. Vicky simply inhaled, and then exhaled before answering.

“I figured I’d let you know how I’m doing, Gringo,” she began. “As much as it likely pains you to hear, I am doing fine. Sure, you nearly broke my family when you killed me, but they are also fine. They’ve moved on… and so have I. I have friends, best friends, a supportive mother, and most importantly… I have someone who loves me very much. And that’s no thanks to you.

“When I laid my eyes on you today, I felt anger, grief, disgust, but mostly pity. I actually pitied you, for you’re likely, no, definitely facing punishment for how you’ve hurt me, my family, all of those other women, their families… But of course, some creatures don’t deserve pity. That feeling came and passed in a matter of seconds. So now? I feel nothing but pride, pride in knowing that I will not only feel more accomplished than you, but am also not an irredeemable piece of shit.”

As she went on, Jonathan snickered to himself, giving a soft, slow applause as she finished.

“Oh, how wonderful. I’m so very happy for you. The hard-working Mexican gets her happily ever after. Now answer me this… what of your boyfriend?”

“Damien is not my boyfriend.”

“I’m not talking about your Master. I mean our good friend… what was his name again? Neil?”

“You leave him out of this…!” Vicky shouted, throwing a punch at him, which he caught effortlessly.

“Oh right, because he’s as dead as we are. Now, tell me, did he actually manage to get into Heaven, despite being a traitor to his race and falling in love with a girl like you?” His eyes then locked with Damien, who was watching the whole time, trying to hold himself back. “You clearly didn’t, or else you wouldn’t be a Prince’s concubine, now would you?” he asked, yanking Vicky to him.

Now Damien was starting to get pissed. How dare this nobody talk down to her like that! While he definitely admired how Vicky stood up for herself against the worst person she’s ever met in both of her lives, he didn’t like how that same man was trying to belittle her, her struggles… Not even Damien would do that, previous romantic feelings notwithstanding.

“Honestly, if I had been the sort to collect keepsakes from what I killed, I would definitely have kept your pretty face…” the sinner confessed, taking her chin in his free hand as he began to twist her arm. “The only thing that would make it look better would be my cock, or the barrel of a gun, down your throat. Now which of those sounds better?”

“Not like you actually cared for my interest… you ended up having me choke on both anyway,” Vicky coldly reminded him. “I died with that gun down my throat after you had moved on to your next victim.”

“Not like I could’ve had fun with her anyway,” he spat back. “If it weren’t for you, I probably would have. Had no one caught me trying to dispose of part of you, well, then you would’ve been just another notch on my bedpost. But you, you ruined my life!”

“You ruined your own life!” Vicky retorted. “Although, after you ended mine, it sounds like Karma was finally ready to give you your just desserts. So if I really was the reason you finally had to face consequences for your actions, then I’ll gladly take that with me back to my afterlife.”

Vicky refused to let herself falter, let him see her as the vulnerable victim from her previous life. She dare not let him see her tremble, hear her whimper; she simply stood her ground, even as he had her in his vice-like grip.

Damien was close to intervening at this point, but he stopped, hearing Vicky’s words. Even as she was being physically restrained by this diabolical asshole, she still didn’t waver. While he was experiencing pride for the girl, he wasn’t surprised. This was the woman who stood up to all sorts of monsters, including him, to stand up for her friends. This was the woman whose very essence never lost that spark. This was the woman who… he still loved for those very reasons.

And those were the same reasons her killer was set off. He roared and threw her into a wall, seething as he stood over her. To his anger, she still had that fire in her eyes, trying to stand up in spite of her pain. He then pinned her to the wall, hand coiled around her neck. It is then that he remembered that the Prince who brought her here was still watching. How is it that he hadn’t gotten involved with enjoying the spoils of his wealth yet?

“Your Highness, it appears that your slave needs to be taught a lesson.”

Without saying a word, Damien opened the door to the cell that held the man who tormented his ex-girlfriend and ended her life. He inhaled deeply before swinging his fist, connecting square with the corner of Jon’s head, sending him stumbling backwards as he lost grip on Vicky’s neck. Damien refused to give this asshole an inch, giving him another punch to the face.

“And here I thought you knew how to put dumb bitches like her in their place,” the killer spat, delivering his own punch, hitting Damien in the nose.

“Of course you fucking thought!” he growled back, nose bleeding. The pair continued to fight as Vicky just watched, trying to sneak an attack of her own.

“HEY! Where do you think you’re going?!” Jon roared, aiming to attack her, only to be kicked in the side of the head by the girl, colliding with the floor. He tried flipping himself over to sit back up, but he was met with a steel-toe boot pressing into his chest.

“Home. Away from your fucking ass,” Damien answered, right before kicking the dude in the jaw, his head coming clean off. Wiping the blood off his shoe and on the floor, he turned to Vicky, who gave him a swift kick to the crotch. “You alright?”

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that!” she answered. The dick’s head just rolled helplessly as both walked away and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving him alone in his cell once more.

“What is this…? This feeling of relief. I just beat up a guy—”

“And I helped…”

“And yet… I feel as bad for him as I did when I got here. In fact… I’m actually happy that I got to do that!”

“That, right there, is revenge,” Damien answered with a smirk. “I know some sanctimonious fuck will probably tell you some shit about revenge being, ‘like drinking poison in the hopes someone else will die,’ but believe you me, revenge can actually be helpful and, dare I say, therapeutic.”

“That… feels weird coming from you,” Vicky muttered, still walking with Damien as they reached a portal. Stepping inside, she soon found herself coming out of Damien’s apartment’s oven. “And yet… here you are, actually giving sound advice.”

“I learned from the best,” Damien chuckled, climbing out of his oven. “From the same guys who told me, ‘If you love someone, shoot them and see what happens.’”

“And how did that work out?” Vicky asked, sitting down on the couch, where Dante, Diablo, and Donut were sleeping. Damien just remained silent. “I mean… giving me a shot.” That earned a chuckle from the demon.

“Well, considering we’re now seeing other people…” he began.

“Hey, you have Oz, and I have Polly. I say it worked out well in the end.”

“Did it?” Damien asked, looking her in the eye. “You… you know how hard it was for me to get over Hope?”

“Yeah…” Vicky answered. “Damien… what are you—”

“I’m still in love with you.” And with that, silence fell in the apartment. How… how could he still be in love with her? They’ve not only broken up, but each found new partners! How could he possibly…?!

“Damien… I don’t understand,” she said, trying to keep her heart from beating too fast. “What do you mean, ‘I’m still in love with you?’ You and Oz…”

Damien sighed and sat down in a chair. “I know, I… I love Oz, I do. I’m in love with him. But… I’m also in love with you too? It’s confusing for me to feel this way. Being in love with two people at once… and I’m…” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “Look, I’m embarrassed to say this, but… I was scared. I was scared to tell you, and I’m scared to tell Oz. I… I don’t want to lose either of you.”

His face was drawn in a tight look of concern, a look Vicky had rarely ever seen on his face, even when they’d been dating. But now he was tapping his foot anxiously, his tail was whipping from side-to-side like Shelley’s, and wrinkles ridged his forehead. “And all this time, I… I’ve felt ashamed. I felt like I was just… I don’t even fully know how to describe it. But my emotions have been fucking me over.”

Vicky wasn’t used to seeing Damien so stressed out; normally he was the picture of confidence and going with the flow. She sighed and sat down across from him in a chair. “Damien, we have to address this.” Her voice carried sympathy and gentleness, but belied a sense of warning underneath. “I’m… happy that you told me the truth. It doesn’t have to eat you up inside, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed simply for having these feelings, because you were honest and open about it. But—”

“Don’t say it.” He put his hands over his ears and put his head down. “Please… don’t make me hear it. I know, I know what you’re going to say, I didn’t… I didn’t expect anything different, it would be wrong, I just…”

She leaned across and gently laid a hand on top of one of his. He gripped it, looking for comfort. “Damien… I think you need to hear it. I know it’ll be hard… and I promise I’m not doing it to hurt you… but I think maybe if you hear it, it’ll begin to help you move on.”

Slowly, Damien looked up, removing his hands from his ears and nodded. Vicky noted that his eyes were shiny and wet, and it looked as if he was trying to hold back tears. “… Okay.”

“I’m not in love with you anymore.” He winced a little as she said it, but took a deep breath in through his nose before letting it out. “I’m in love with Polly, and you’re in love with Oz,” Vicky continued. “And I know he makes you happy… better than I ever could. You don’t have to worry about trying to impress Oz’s family; they already love that you make him happy.

“I’m not going to forget, or regret, what we had, though. I loved that you were able to bring out a more reckless side of me… and from what I can see, I think I was able to bring out a more caring side of you. And you’re a very important person to me; I’ll always care about you. But… we weren’t right for each other. We realized that when we broke up, so we have to move through this, and move on, so that we can put the past behind us and not lose the people that are right for us. Okay?”

Sniffing, Damien nodded, his eyes showing hurt… but also understanding and agreement. Smiling, Vicky added, “And I know just the person who can help you through this kind of stuff.”

Damien snorted. “A therapist? Damien fucking LaVey doesn’t need a therapist! I—”

“Damien,” Vicky cut him off, thoroughly unimpressed, “We dated long enough for me to see through this macho bullshit. Just hear me out?” He closed his mouth, put down his hands and nodded. “Good. Anyway, Miranda became a couple’s counselor after she and Liam broke up. You don’t have to see her… but I think it would do you good. If anyone can help you get over me properly, she can.”

She grabbed a pen and wrote Miranda’s number on Damien’s arm. He looked at it quizzically. “I’m… still not sure…”

Vicky put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, Damien. But it’s clearly not good for you to keep these emotions bottled up inside… it never has been, for you or for anyone around you. It’s only going to cause more trouble down the road if you don’t learn how to manage them. And if you’re confused about them or don’t know how to properly sort them… I think a therapist would go a long way to helping you out. Just… at least consider it? For me?”

She gave him a sweet smile and he felt his resolve give way. “Okay,” he conceded, “I’ll… give her a shot.” He then hugged her, catching her off guard. Vicky, nonetheless, eagerly hugged back. Though she might not feel the same way, she still cared about him. The two stayed in their embrace for a while, before Vicky finally broke away and headed for the door. With one final wave, she left.

However, that did make her wonder… could Miranda help her and Polly as well? That conversation did leave her thinking, maybe Polly feels similarly to how Damien feels?

… She grabbed the phone, and called Polly’s number.

[purpleenjoyer]

For the Meta OC Ask: Not sure if I’m allowed multiple but the ones I wanted to pick are #9, #18, and #20

Yes multiple questions are okay! Well wait let me organize my thoughts first—

Starting from the beginning (#9), I think she could fit into a couple of dynamics depending on who she's spending time with. I mean, I feel she's the one who creates trouble from time to time, but not because she wants to be troublesome, but because she just... failed on her mission of being normal. She strives to be the designated driver on a drink night out, yet she'd probably end up being in the top 3 of people who drank the most. She wants to follow the map during a roadtrip, but she'd probably end up lost in the middle of the mountains trying to find a way out of a field full of cows.

If you allow her to be rational, she will be (as much as she can); if you give her the benefit of the doubt, she will probably do something dumb or borderline dangerous. I think she's the "I don't like mess but mess seems to be madly in love with me" kind of person—you should be careful with what kind of friends she makes lol.

And I think that might be also linked to question 8 on the list, as I believe being accidentally disastrous is one of her flaws. I think it is something she cannot quite control, and as soon as she feels threatened by her own inestability, she will start losing confidence and making poor life decisions in order to free herself from her own actions. She can ask you to go to a haunted house to spend de night after watching way too many horror movies, but she'll probably regret it as soon as she's actually there and remembers she's afraid of ghosts. Moving to the next question (one you actually asked), I'm not sure what I would do if I met her, I like her gaslight gatekeep girlboss attitude but it's too much for me. I'd probably suggest her to go to therapy.

And huh, there's way too many unreleased stuff about her! I think some... might count as spoilers for some things that will happen next in my fanfic, so let me see what I can actually talk about...

Well, at first she was going to be more of a Y/N kind of main character, you know? Someone with far less personality and better adaptability skills in order to act as her System wanted her to. The fic was planned to be a normal, cliche-ish, not-at-all-deep love story with lots of scenes straightly ripped-off of popular romance dramas and some transmigration manhwas (the low-quiality ones I mean) so her first draft was.... not at all like what she is now.

In fact, in the fist version of the story (the Spanish one I mean), you could probably see how she was much more compliant and passive during the first, I don't know, 25-30 chapters. When I started translating it into English and rewriting a few (a lot) of scenes, I decided to infuse her with her own voice, making her a little bit more loyal to her final version, the one she naturally morphed into by the time I finished writing the story. The whole rivals to friends to lovers was quite bland in the Spanish version, so I made it a little bit more literal while translating it. I also made her feelings a bit stronger this time, more black/white if you asked.

Another thing I changed about her was her sexuality. She was going to be quite straight at first, but when I started writing I noticed I... simply cannot write that kind of characters. I said "why would she care, anyway? She's too busy doing other stuff" and in the end I wrote what I'm most comfortable writing: her being asexual and aromantic, leaning to the demi side of the spectrum. I don't think this is something I actually portray a lot in the story, not because I don't know how to write it, but because... She gives so little fucks about it that I never found a good timing to make her actually worry about it. She's just living inside her own little word, I mean. If some asked her, she'd probably be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and move to other topics.

Well that's all, sorry I write a lot lol. Feel free to ask anything else if you want to.

[zacharybosch]

tagged by @mxmollusca, thank you friend 🤗

Do you write in order?

i write in whatever order the visions come to me and fill in all the gaps afterwards. very occasionally the visions do just come to me in order and i’ll write them like that, but most of the time i’ll get a middle or an ending or a three-quarters-of-the-way-through first. 

How fully formed does your writing come out the first try?

fairly well-formed, if a bit plain at times. but that’s fine, first draft is just for getting the thing itself to exist, then the editing passes are for adding the seasonings and spices and garnishes.

How many drafts do you go through?

i’ll generally do a first draft (just get it all written, ignore awkward word combos, sentences that don’t quite get the idea across, maybe even leave in a couple placeholder [HE SAYS SOMETHING SEXY HERE] things), then a major editing pass (fill in the placeholders, smooth out the jarring transitions, pick some better words, add cool stuff i thought of after the first draft), then a minor editing pass (add and then remove and then re-add a semi-colon ten times). sometimes individual chapters will have five million passes depending on how much trouble they gave me.

Tell me about your process.

i pretty much always start with an outline these days, but an outline can be anything from a detailed chapter-by-chapter breakdown of scenes and motivations and goals, to a short garbled paragraph which is basically just like “ommmgggg and then they do this lol wow i am a genius”. once i’ve written the outline it needs to marinate anywhere from a couple weeks to several years before i start actually doing stuff with it.

at any given time i’ve got several different fics microwaving in my head and i’ll kinda pick away at all of them as ideas come to me. it’s not unusual at all for me to jump back and forth between a few different docs in the same session and add a line to this one, a short conversation to that one, a vibe to the other one. once i’ve done enough of this picking and i also know what shape i want the fic to have (the shape will just spontaneously occur to me at some point in the outlining, marinating, or picking stages), my brain will shift into I Am Writing This mode and then i’ll just focus on one fic and write that to completion (or as far as i can get anyway).

right now i’ve got 18 fic ideas outlined. of those, 15 are marinating, and 3 i’m picking at. 1 of them did briefly shift into I Am Writing This territory but i lost steam before i could finish it and now it’s back in the picking stage. i think i’ll get it done soon(ish) tho. there’s a bunch that i wish were in the picking stage already because i really want to do stuff with them, but i can just feel in my soul that they’re not done marinating yet.

so all this is to say that my process is entirely vibes-based and there’s no real rhyme or reason to it. fun!

[ashisgreedy]

Fanfiction Writing Asks

(Link to post)

Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike? - Most of my ideas come from daydreams.

Where do you get your fic ideas? - Songs, art, c.ai, talking with friends.

Do you share your fic ideas, or do you keep them to yourself? - I usually share them with someone. But If its super niche, I just keep quiet and write it lol.

How do you choose which fics to write? - What ever is sparking the most joy at the moment or what ever is easiest for my brain to produce.

How many wips do you have? - About 8 and countless other random ideas/inspos for fics. I What fandoms/pairings are they for? - HL | Garreth | Jackdaw | Seb | Omi |

What’s the last line you wrote? - "Garreth gasped out of a dead sleep, his eyes shot open as he cluched his chest, panting. He sat up in bed and tore the covers off. Pulling the string to his bedside lamp, he sighed in relief."

Post a snippet from a wip. -Does that count ^

Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip. - He gets to start over again, anew.

Does this word [chosen by asker] appear in your current wip? NA

Do you work on multiple wips or stick to one fic at a time? -Usually just work on whatever is calling me that day, but I do hop around if I am just not feeling something that day.

Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around? -I try my hardest to write it in order, but most of the time I do write snips of the fic here and there as I outline it just to get the scene out of my system.

Do you outline your fics?  If yes, how detailed are your outlines?  How far do you stray from them? -Yes, about 99% of the time. It's very rough and just random dialogue I want to use, locations, phrases ect. I do stray from it. Sometimes the ideas coming as I write are better than the outline. What's the fun in always coloring in the lines? :D

Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently? -Yesss. Usually music without lyrics. Lyrics distract me. What I'm currently listening to as we speak.

What is your favorite location and position to write in? -My couch, criss cross apple sauce with the laptop on my popup coffee table.

What’s your favorite time to write? -Anytime really. Fav time is when the inspo is just too strong to ignore!

Do you write by hand, on your phone, or on your laptop? -HAND!? Good lord, no lmfao. I do use my phone when I'm at work (or in bed) and my laptop when not at work.

Do you have a writing routine? -Get horny, then write smut.

Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research? -Fuck no lol. I also didn't grow up with HP and I can't be fucked to look up what an auror is or if vampires exist in the world. (I have read some of the books and watched all the moves many times over. Just didn't grow up picking apart every HC and what not. sad face)

Do you enjoy creating OCs or do you prefer to stick solely to canon characters? -I have OC's in my head. One in particular is Cole. I wrote him into one fic, but most people dont like/dont care about OCs. So, I just have him in my back pocket for now. I prefer cannon chars I guess. Or just use MC/reader insert.

Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics? -Most of my fics are outside of the cannon-ish to fit my narrative. So... 50/50?

Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots? -ONESHOTS!

Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles? -Usually before, or while writing the summary. The 5% of the time I can't think of a title I use song lyrics as inspo. Boom, title done.

Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest? -I would say writing the beginning is the easiest. I just wish the damn thing would write it self. I wanna read it! lol

How do you choose whose POV to write in? -Depending on the story line. I usually write povs from the perspective of the MC/reader, but I do have a wip where its from Gars prospective. I just don't like writing from the guys prospective cuz it seems less immersive? idk.

What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)? -I like the outlining process and the finished product lol

What’s your least favorite part of the writing process? -Coming up with reasons WHY they are at a location or WHY they are doing a task. I just want to write smut :(

What area of writing do you feel strongest in? -Uh, Hm.... Maybe making things short and sweet and easy to read. This is mostly so my short attention span can edit the fic. Otherwise, I cant be fucked to care if its super wordy.

What area of writing do you want to improve in? -Showing not telling. "He was angry" vs. "He stomped out of the room and slammed the door." I just need to work on it.

What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of? -That I've ever finished anything lol. And, that I stick to writing what I want and not writing to please others. Its good because this way I don't experience burnout like I did in other fandoms.

How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft? -I try not to edit as I write. It slows down the process so much! Then I am left with something half-assed and half finished. I usually edit after i've written what I want and add more/take away from the fic as I see fit. I then run it through grammarly software and then put it into a text to speech generator to have the fic read to me outloud to catch any strange wordings or errors that way. Words nicely.

Do you use a beta reader/editor? -Nah. I dont really care to have anyone edit it for me. I'll do it myself and not bother anyone lol. If i have someone edit something, ill be sure to pay them for their time.

Do you take fic requests?  Why or why not? -Yeah! but, it will most likely come out as a drabble and I will only do things that 'spark joy' so to speak.

Is there a specific word count that you hold yourself to/enjoy writing the most? -Nah, I do like to keep it under 5k because its harder to edit the longer the fic gets and, like I said, I have a short attention span for editing.

How much of your personal life/experience do you include in your fics? -I guess a good amount? Helps to have done most of the stuff I write about so I can accurately describe it.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted? -Garr's anal fic.

What fic are you proudest of? - atm Jackdaw smut cuz it made a lot of ppl start to simp for him and everyone was super nice about it. So pure D:

What fic has been the hardest for you to write? -Continuing my Professor Garreth Series that I started this blog with. I just lost interest from some feedback I was getting about it being too short and yea...

What is your most self-indulgent posted story? -Jackdaw smut

What’s your most self-indulgent wip? -Gar is a shifter in it 👀

What is your favorite world that you’ve created for a fic? NA

Who’s your favorite character you’ve written? - Garreth

What’s your favorite title that you’ve come up with? "I Like Men On Their Knees~"

Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet? -Dub con, Mommy Kink, pegging, pain kink

What is your favorite genre to write? - SMUT! Romance

What genre/trope do you tend to write the most? -Smut, romance.

If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be? -Modern Au

Is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of? -Kinda hate writing fluff tbh. I like reading fluff about Gar but I don't like coming up with the fluff on my own. I just want to be railed.

Who is your favorite character to write for?  Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom? -Garreth, and nope. Still Gar lol

What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer? NA

How would you describe your writing style? -Short, sweet, easy to read? (hopefully. at least for me it is.)

Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read? -Uh, no actually. Well, I want to read more intense shit about gar but the fandom is still kinda new so that will come eventually. lol

What’s the average word count of your fics? -UHHH 3-6k?

What is the most-used tag on your ao3? Garreth Weasley x MC

What’s the fandom/pairing distribution of your posted fics? I read this Q like 4 times and I still have no idea what its asking.

Have you noticed any patterns in your fics?  Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc? -Yea... orgasms, she's always "flying" like stfu Ash 😂

Are there any fics that you would change or rewrite if given the chance? -Yes, but I don't have the attention span for that. You get what ya got.

How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics? -I do it sometimes! If I think of it while writing haha.

Do you have a favorite piece of figurative language you’ve written? NA

Have you participated in any fic events/writing challenges?  If yes, what were they and did you enjoy them? - Yes! I've hosted events in the past in other fandoms. I will do it again for this one eventually. I like them/they are exhausting. Lost of fun! can lead me to burn out if I'm not careful.

In [insert fic], what inspired the idea for the plot? NA In [insert fic], what’s your favorite scene that you wrote? NA In [insert fic], is there a deleted scene/idea you wish you could have included?  Why did it get cut? NA What was the hardest part of writing [insert fic]? NA If you rewrote [insert fic] now, would you change anything? NA If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would happen in it? What’s a fun fact about [insert fic]? NA If a fic was titled [insert made up title], what would this story be about/how would you write it? NA

Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do? - Cuffmeinblack's writing and Blueraineshadows. I look up to both of them a lot. Their writing is so descriptive without being too wordy and its always fun to read!

What are your favorite fics at the moment? -I'm just happy anytime Garreth fics are posted tbh

Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3? -Yes! I try to sub to all my friends.

Do you spend more time reading or writing? - Writing. I get this weird readers-block??? I can only read things like one or two days a week and mayyyybe if something is super short, I'll give it a go. Otherwise, it goes into my TBR for when I have the capacity to read and comprehend.

What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten? -That the fic was 'hot' and that I caputred the intimate moment well! I was so happy to hear that. AND just all the comments of people liking my stuff I love yall sm.

What do you tend to get complimented on the most about your writing? -Just that they thought it was hot. Very nice of them.

Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love? - Garreth fics. This fandom is mostly Seb and Omi stans. (Love seb and omi) but Garreth stuff gets ignored/overlooked a lot. NBD, I like writing and reading what gets put out.

Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect? -Jackdaw smut I REALLY thought people were going to ignore this one, but it blew up and I was so shocked.

How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external? -I take time off from it.

Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction? -Its a great outlet! And I love creating content a lot. It's fun finding more like minded people to brainrot with.

What motivates you during the writing process? -....cock

Do you have any writing advice you want to share? -Use a program to read your fic to you out loud. like this one. It helps a lot to find errors, weird wording, and pacing issues. And, write what YOU want to write. Being popular is cool and all, but it sucks being popular and being unhappy|burnt out.

Free space - asker can come up with any writing or fic-related question they want!

[rickktish]

Oops, I started a mini rewatch (read: decided to watch the first episode or two again as a way to hide from homework anxiety, it’s fine) and have been reminded of More Things:

The reason that Lana (for me) felt like a terrible “will-they-won’t-they” for Clark in the first few seasons while we’re waiting for Lois to show up is because the writers feel like they’re trying so hard to draw this connection between her and him, this sense of “I Too am Odd and Don’t Fit In,” and they fail really badly. Because Lana isn’t part of Clark’s group, she’s one of the popular kids who everybody likes. And while later they put a bit more into showing her having to try to fit in, that shift feels like it happened because her priorities changed, not because she always had to work to be accepted. She comes across as the town’s darling, which is antithetical to Clark and his friends’ Weird Kids Who Don’t Actually Fit In vibes. Her whole thing about going to the graveyard and talking with her parents yadda yadda doesn’t feel like genuine oddity, it just feels like someone’s trying too hard to interpret normal grief as socially anathema. It comes across as her “I’m not like other girls” moment and while it’s not bad enough to convince me that Clark has no reason to be pining after her— in fact, it makes sense to me that he would be attracted to someone who is included and revered, because those are things that he, as a high schooler with too many secrets to get close to people, deeply desires— it does feel like she’s intentionally trying to draw him in and make herself more appealing to him by pretending to connect with his sense of otheredness. I don’t know if it’s the writing or the acting, but the whole graveyard scene just doesn’t come across as genuine, not least because I don’t remember ever seeing her do it again. Maybe if I turn my mini-rewatch into an actual rewatch it’ll come across differently, but at least for the moment that’s how it’s coming across to me.

I might get into this in more detail when i’m not in the middle of getting ready for work, we’ll see, but for the time being, here’s the TLDR:

Lana and Clark try to connect in the first episode about their mutual feelings of not belonging and otheredness and it doesn’t work because Lana doesn’t feel genuinely othered, only like she expects to be and is ignoring the fact that she’s actually highly accepted by her community. The actual thing that Lana and Clark have in common is dead parents who they were too young to remember, but they don’t/can’t connect over that because of their differing views and experiences of family. While she later does the work and changes enough as a person to fit in better with Clark’s group of socially rejected weirdos, she just doesn’t fit at the beginning of the series and she actually has to go through character development in order to fit, and the writers trying to imply that she’ll be joining the group out of a sense of social rejection rather than as a result of changing values comes across as false and, in some ways, mocking and leading Clark on. This might just be a result of shifting cultural norms in the last twenty-ish years tho.

Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman, Smallville Clark Kent, and Battinson are the Autistic Trinity of All DC Cinema

I’m not taking the time to expand on this at this very moment but just know that I’m right

[shititbe]

Anyway, HSM2 is about internalized homophobia, and no one can tell me otherwise.

High School Musical is one of the most beloved franchises in the world. Teenagers all over the world grew up watching Troy and Gabriella harmonize together. Three movies, and nearly a decade later it’s still beloved by all. The first film easily forgotten in the ashes of the early 2000’s, the third film stuck in a purgatorial limbo of the rather unfortunate late 2000’s. The second film on the other hand sticks out between the ruckus. 

The second High School Musical film takes place at Sharpay and Ryan’s family country club, during the summer between junior and senior year. The Wildcats are working summer jobs on the country club, often forced to the beck and call of Ryan and Sharpay themselves. Sharpay uses all her prestige to help Troy with college instead of starting at the bottom ( or rather, in the kitchen washing dishes) with his friends. In the time she’s helping Troy, she is also pushing her brother away; replacing him with Troy in their musical number for the talent show, and refusing to hang out with him in preference for Troy. Ryan becomes vengeful to his twin and starts hanging around the Wildcats in the kitchen. At first, he was met with some distasteful looks and words (most of which from Chad). With the help of Kelsey, and her neutral party, Ryan fits in smoothly with the other teenagers, eventually giving the WildCats all dance lessons.

 Throughout the movie, the main conflict continues to be the internal conflict of Troy Bolton. He debates over and over again if he should go through with Sharpay’s shenanigans, or if he wants to “listen to my own heart.”  This of course involves Gabriella, as she is Troy’s love interest. She’s not in the second film except for the beginning, then, where she leaves in the middle of the film - in order to create angst for Troy - then when she shows up again in the finally to sing/rejoin Troy. 

The conflict in the second film  is the combining of Troy’s two worlds. His first - his main world in the first movie, that hence became his secondary world - which is represented by Chad. Then his secondary world - which becomes his main world in this movie - which is represented by Ryan. Chad represents Troy’s masculinity, or his more idealized version of himself. Ryan represents Troy’s femininity or his current version of reality. These two worlds collide in the iconic song “I don’t dance”.  

Since this movie - and hence this scene - came out in the early 2000’s, a lot of the innuendoes went over people's heads. Luckily, as the children who watched this movie grew older and more experienced, and the world became more accepting, we’re able to see this song for what it is. 

Before getting into the lore and symbolism of the iconic “I Don’t Dance” sequence, context is needed. For most of human history, homosexuality was seen as a sin in all places except ancient times (see: Greece and Japan). The modern age is the most accepting on all fronts, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. In the early 2000’s, High School Musical director Kenny Ortega was not publicialy out yet. He wouldn’t be till 2014. 

Originally, while writing this, my first thought was  that Kenny - the director - would be using Troy as a y/n type character to project his insecurities and struggles with masculinity, and what that means in defining his orientation and societal views that would be placed upon him. Then, it came to me later that this is in fact not the case, Troy (and Gabriella - who is in fact a y/n character for the female audience) is more of a character for a man of his time, confused with his own ideals of masculinity and the views of society because, “oh god, I can’t like theater/drama because only queer people and girls like it!” The second point is pushed further with the Troy and Sharpay sub-plot. Sharpay tries to further Troy’s career as a basketball player, though that’s not what he wants anymore, and Troy is no longer sure if that is what he ever wanted to begin with (enter the song “Bet on it” and the hilarious meme “no dad, I’m giving up on your dream”). 

Keeping these things in mind - Kenney’s queerness, and Troy’s struggle to realize you can in fact sing and be a heterosexual, wow, revolutionary - it became clear to me that Kenney’s y/n characters were Ryan and Chad. 

For those who aren’t into the arts, or find them too difficult after a singular attempt thinking they could write a world class novel on the first go, let me be the first to tell you every author has a y/n character. First, for those who don’t know what y/n stands for, it’s a popular fanfiction trope where a writer will write a story about a character dating, being friends, and so on, with the reader. The y/n stands for “your name” so anyone can be the main character in this story at any time. For a writer of mainstream fictional work, such as High School Musical, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, even most comics. Now, most writers or directors aren’t going to be as obvious as having a character not named (or named y/n) or even named Jane (looking at you Jane Austin), the y/n character of many mainstream authors/directors/comic artists and so on is usually the character they feel or have given the most attributes similar to themselves. 

It’s the same reason people have favourite characters. You see a fictional character and you either 1. Want to Bob the Builder them, 2. Some sort of weird sex thing, or 3. See more/the most of yourself in this character. Number three - thankfully - is usually the main reason. Some people just create their own favourite characters. An even easier way to think about this, is just projection baby, that’s psych 101.   

Before I went off on a small tangent of fictional works and how human emotion plays into creating them (except anything Disney has made in the past decade, and no you can’t change my mind on that) I mentioned that Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s y/n characters. As a queer person myself, it’s clear for me to see the different struggles each of these characters face and how these reflect the queer experience. 

So, let’s finally get into it. 

Ryan, without it being explicitly said is clearly a character of what people in the early 2000s think a gay man is. He is effeminate, wearing bright coloured outfits with lots of accessories - namely his signature hats - he is also in the theater department doing musicals, and passive/subservient to any of his twin sisters' wills. Yes, now we know gay men aren’t just feminized men, but in the early 2000’s a gay man who can do "masculine" things like change their car oil, like sports, and so on, break the "effeminate" stereotype thus confused many cishet people. Sharpay is painted as more confident - or, for sake of comparability - masculine to her twin in the first movie, and most of the second movie. Making Ryan a bit of her dog who would do anything to get by - painting Ryan as lesser than human, once more, playing into the homophobia of the early 2000's.     

Despite the clear stereotypes playing into his character, Ryan is consistently one of the most confident characters in the movie. The other, being his sister of course. This confidence in himself is what gravitates the other characters towards him, either by being intimidated (Troy, thinking Ryan and Gabriella were a thing), or admiration (Chad, by the end of “I don’t dance”). 

Chad, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game. While he is confident in the first movie, and the first portion of the second movie, he begins to break more and more when Ryan becomes a more integral part of the Wildcat group. To keep in mind, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste for Troy’s artistic past-time. When the other Wildcats join Ryan and begin learning how to dance for the talent show at the end of the movie, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste. The baseball game where “I don’t dance” takes place, is the climax of Chad’s arc and his turn towards acceptance to Ryan/Troy’s hobbies. 

Of course, there is more to the “I don’t dance” sequence than just Chad’s realization - the exact one Troy comes to terms with in the second movie as well - of “oh my god I don’t have to be gay to enjoy stereotypical ‘feminine’ things.” That is the main part of the song though, that and all the sexual tension. 

Going back to what I’ve stated previously, Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s projection or y/n characters. Let me do a small recap before we get into the nitty gritty of the famous “I don’t dance” video. 

Thinking back to the first few paragraphs, I stated that Kenney wasn’t publicly out till 2014, about 7 years after the second movie came out. This could be due to the fact that a) it’s the early 2000’s and everyones still very homophobic, or b) self-doubt that comes with the queer experience. The most likely reason is a mixture of both of these. Because of this, Ryan is the more self-assured version, or idealized version of Kenney that he wants to be. Ryan is confident, never being swayed about his lifestyle (could be read as: sexuality) even though Chad - and most of the wildcats in the first movie - put him through relentless “teasing” and humiliation. He’s confident, almost to a fault, he’s sure of himself, and yet still reaches out a hand to Chad and the other wildcats to show them that they’re just being, kinda dick-ish. 

Every queer person wants to be Ryan. Despite his heavily stereotyped characterization, I personally believe he is one of the stronger written characters in the movies, mainly due to Kenney putting the time in to really make Ryan feel like a real person, to give himself some sort of relief of his own anxieties, a chance to see the world through a person who truly has no fear. Unlike Kenney himself. 

This is where Chad comes in. 

Chad is seen as “confident” in the first movie, the second Troy “leaves” basketball though, all that confidence comes crashing down. His best friend has another hobby - one he thinks is “not right” (it’s okay, you can say gay), - they wont be spending all their time together (first, can you say dependent relationship much, yikes).Chad’s defining characteristic up until their fight that instigate act three of the second movie, is being Troy’s best friend. I’m going to take this as if this were truly the case, and not a decently written character arch. Some people base themselves around their friends and their whole identity on being a friend, that they lose sight of themselves, this mainly in high school of course, when your whole world is really nothing but school, and friends. Newly developed independence is there, but that’s scary, so instead of worrying about the future, cling to something that’s reliable. I’ve seen this happen, mainly at the end of high school, when the “real world” is coming a bit too close for comfort. This could generally be the case if a person is lonely, but for timeline sake I’m going to say Chad has got some anxiety about graduating (considering the second movie takes place the summer of junior year). 

His lashing out at Troy’s hobbies and at Troy’s neglectful friendship, make more sense with that background, and are seen more in the second movie where Troy begins spending all his spare time with Sharpay (trying to collect that BAG!). Chad - and others (read: father) - insists that music is not a feasible career option, and Troy should just stick with basketball (like...that is a feasible career option). The tension Chad creates in the studio only grows when the other wildcats decide to take up Ryan’s offer for dance lessons and move from the kitchen, to helping out with the talent show. (Next essay idea: how high school musical two was really about class all along, cause Jesus). 

 Chad is the less obvious option for a y/n character. Though again, the 2000’s were not as cool people like to pretend they are. Chad - for Kenney - represents what he actually feels, this fear of being rejected for how he is and how he chooses to live his life/lifestyle, so he sticks to something reliable. Ryan is new, and exciting, and confident in a way that Kenney/Chad wish they could be, but in order for that to happen they need to understand that maybe people are complex creatures, and can enjoy multiple hobbies (aka: the same lesson Troy is teaching the viewers, but far less boring). But, for Kenney/Chad facing that thought and that realization is scary, and thus, they lash out at anyone (read this paragraph as: Chad mad jealous of Ryan cause Ryan bomb as fuck). 

All this build up, finally comes ahead in the employee baseball match 

                                                       ******

The baseball game is probably the most memorable scene in the whole High School Musical franchise (minus Sharpay’s “Fabulous” solo, but that’s also from the same movie, and it’s kinda rude to give what’s already the best more points); the tension in the scene, and what it implies makes it the best written segment of all three movies, let alone the most entertaining. 

Some things to keep in mind from our background information: Chad is missing his bestie and struggling with what being “masculine” really means for him and others. Ryan of course makes this confusing, because the traditional method is being thrown out the window. In short, Chad has internalized homophobia, and Ryan being open - or as open as Disney would let him - is causing all sorts of problems. 

Despite the song, “I don’t dance” being logged into our collective skulls for all eternity (you’re probably humming it right now, sorry about that), the very brief interaction of Ryan and Chad before the game is lost on the public consciousness. The two are clearly comfortable with each other, though the distaste seems to be on Chad’s side more than Ryans. So, the two start playfully jabbing at each other before deciding to do a bat toss to see who will be in the outfield first. 

Before they begin the bat toss, Ryan says “You don’t think dancing takes some game?” Chad then very clearly checks him out, doing a simple but effective ‘drag-your-eyes-over-them-top-to-bottom-then-smile’ and says “you got game?” (Seen in gif below) 

I don’t know how much you know about sex metaphors and how many of those baseball has in it (seriously though, it’s a lot), but with the bat toss, Ryan’s hand ended up on top, and Chad’s under Ryan’s. Let’s ignore this for now, it’ll be implied again later. Ryan’s team starts out in the outfield because he won the bat toss, and hence, the song officially starts. 

The first lyrics (ignoring the chores of “hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing”) is 

I'll show you that it's one and the same

Baseball, dancing, same game

It's easy

Step up to the place, start swingin  

This part is sung by Ryan, who is taunting Chad out in the outfield. Before the game, as stated, Chad was taunting Ryan about his lack of “game” (both sexual and not sexual metaphor are implied), and now, Ryan has turned those tables around. Baseball - is seen as more masculine than dancing, not as masculine as football or basketball, but it’s up there. Chad is someone who cares about his masculinity, enough to the point that Ryan playing baseball makes him loose his mind. Makes him question his own personal definition of masculinity, if you will. 

Ryan says, “baseball, dancing, same game,” impyling that, to him, baseball and dancing are one and the same. That is baffling to Chad, cause well, how can something meant for girls even be close to something meant for boys. 

Chad comes back with: 

 I wanna play ball now, and that's all

This is what I do

It ain't no dance that you can show me, yeah

This only proves my previous point. 

I had a conversation with myself about this, and I’ve decided not to include it in this essay, but a second essay may or may not be possible. Basically the premise - the dancing/”musical” moments of High School Musical are conjured up images by those meant to see them (ie: like a visual hallucination, but, not really) but this scene kinda poo-poos that idea. 

Now, the thing I am talking about is Ryan and Chad’s  peacocking at each other during the time they sing these lyrics. The movements they’re making could be mistaken for dancing - as we automatically assume it is because of the title and themes of the movie - or it could be them just getting ready for the baseball game. Ryan swings his leg over the pitcher's mound, tossing the ball up and down into his glove, making wavy hand gestures, etc. Chad brushes off his gloves, swings his legs, hits the bat on each foot, and so on. 

For the peacocking, Chad makes a mock of the ballerina foot stance before strutting over to the home plate. Ryan laughs at this, which earns quite the smirk from Chad himself (see gif below). 

This is when it becomes a conversation.   

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

Come on - Ch

When Chad says “Come on” it’s when Ryan throws the baseball at him, starting the game, and giving Chad’s team their first strike of the game (get it, it’s funny). Now, obviously we need to talk about the “there’s just one little thing that stops me every time.” As a queer person, I assure you, two of the things that kept me from living my Best Life were 1) my own ignorance of what asexuality was and 2) the fear that everyone I love would hate me for who I am, and what I have no control over. 

Sorry to get deep like that on main, but, can any other queer person say different? Obviously, your first point may differ, but my point still stands. In the video/scene there is a very short moment (to which I have condensed into a gif for you all, you’re welcome, and I’m sorry about the quality in advance), of the camera moving over to Chad’s team (or his friends in this case since it’s an employee baseball game) as he says this line (gif below). 

I will not be explaining the use of subtly in this essay, but I’m sure you get the metaphor Kenney is trying to use. If not, let me spell it out for you in very simple words. This song has a lot of sexual innuendos (as mentioned pervious with the baseball bat scene and still, more to come), with that in mind, and clearly queer themes at play (as mentioned before, again), this scene only shows Chad isn’t as straight as he leads on. His fear/phobia of Ryan/the arts come from a much deeper place. 

In shorter, and much simpler terms: Chad queer. 

But, let’s get back to the boy's conversation. 

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R 

Not a chance, no - Ch 

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R 

Translation: “If I can do this weird, sweaty, dirty, Male thing without blowing a fuse, you can and should be able to dance just fine.” 

But I don't dance - Ch 

Hit it out of the park - Both 

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch  (This is just the chores, you’ll see it multiple times throughout the essay, I just figured if the song is going to be in your head, go all the way right). 

Two-steppin, now you're up to bat - R

Bases loaded, do your dance - R 

Here we are with the baseball metaphors you’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. Girls, gays, and non-binary pals. For those who have somehow managed a sheltered existence with access to the internet, lemme help you. Ryan is talking about “loaded bases” both in the context of the game (where it shows each base has one person from Chad’s team on them) and in the term of sex. While you go out there dating - while it’s mostly douche bags and people using it ironically - your nosey friends may ask you how far you got. 

“First, second, or third base?” They may ask. Or something like, “oh wow, did you get to home plate/base?” These are simply the rankings of the stages of a sexual relationship. First - kissing, sometimes just handholding, Second - making out, some light groping, Third - full on groping, no clothes come off, but it gets close. While each person has different boundaries, these are the general accepted definitions for the bases. 

Home base is obviously full blown sexual intercourse. Since Chad has his “bases loaded” it means he’s done all these things before, just never gone completely to sexual intercourse with someone - in the terms of the song and the history we’ve already established, it’s most likely a male character. This is only proven by Chad’s uncomfortable nature towards Ryan (internalized Homophobia, thank you, returning theme) but his easy, and cocky personality towards everyone else. “bUt thAt DoEsnT pRovE” hush, that’s the final cherry on top. Remember this conversation. 

It's easy - R  

Again. Previous points have been made.  

Take your best shot, just hit it - Ch 

I've got what it takes, playin my game - Ch

So you better spin that pitch - Ch 

You're gonna throw me, yeah - Ch 

I'll show you how I swing - Ch

Ah, the famous “I’ll show you how i swing” a very strong baseball metaphor for everyone. Keeps queer people from defining themselves to dangerous (straight) people, and, well, that’s it actually. This term is mostly used by bi/pan people, though if you want to stay in the closet or are in a dangerous place, it is also used to subtly tell other queer people you are in fact, not straight. My favourite is when this term came into play when President Buchanan got elected in 1856 (for those that don’t know, he’s the first and only gay president). 

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R 

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch 

This is again, the same lyric as before it doesn’t pan, and the tone is much different. The camera stays on Chad as he says this line, meaning he’s reflecting, he is now his own problem, the person that is keeping him back. His friends are not on his mind anymore, which is good, Ryan’s Gay Propaganda has been working. 

Come on - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - R

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh no - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both 

I don't dance, no - Ch

Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance - R

Swing it out, spin around, do the dance - R

I wanna play ball, not dance hall - Ch

I'm makin a triple, not a curtain cal - Chl

I can prove it to you til you know it's true - R

'Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too - R

You're talkin a lot, show me what you got - Ch

Again, like the beginning of this song, this is a heavy base for flirting and sexual tension, which this song is drowning in. 

Stop swinging - both

Hey - both

This is the part where they all start a flash mob in the middle of the baseball diamond. Again, alluding to the conversation I had to myself earlier, this only proves my own theory as no one takes notice of this. But, that’s not this essay, this is where I mention how close Chad and Ryan are at the end of the group dance.  

Come on, swing it like this - both

Oh, swing - both

Jitterbug, just like that - both

That's what I mean, that's how you swing - both

You make a good pitch but I don't believe - both 

Here is yet another (and the final) sexual innuendo. This is actually a rather quick one. Pitching in queer culture is considered the person who tops (because queer people even had to straight-ify their sex lives to “top” and “bottom”), this is the person who is giving, if you know what I’m saying. 

I say you can - R

I know I can't - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

You can do it - R

I don't dance, no - Ch 

 Here is where that mosh pit ends, and how they get a little too close to comfort. 

Nothing to it, atta boy, atta boy, yeah - both

The rest of this song is simply a mash-up of the baseball game being finished, and this lovely gem. 

Now, clearly, Chad’s self conscious nature towards his sexuality is gone, he’s sitting close - if not squishing - Ryan, and talking to him like they’ve been friends forever. Take note of the change of close, most likely due to all the tension at the end of the song, and maybe a little of Chad’s own natural human curiosity built in. Now, I leave you with this note: 

If there is anything that confirms all this more, its Chad’s girlfriend wearing the pride colours. 

Also note: this could also be seen as a friend helping his bro discover his sexuality and fighting internalized homophobia, but, that’s ignoring the sexual tension, so go off I guess. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.  

Watch the full thing here

[violetlilysunshine]

Flip These Lines

Boyfriend Harry Holland x Actress Reader

Summary: Helping Harry with some work usually comes with a little loving. 

WC: 1,544

Warnings: friendly teasing, suggestiveness, one sexual-ish joke

A/N: y’all asked for it. Plus it’s nice to break up all the Chris I’ve been posting with a little bit of Harry :)

MASTERLIST - Join my TAGLIST

“Hi!” you grinned as Tom opened the door for you.

“Hey, Y/N, c’mon in,” he smiled back, pulling you in for a one-armed-hug, “good to see you, ‘s been a while.” 

“Yeah, filming’s been crazy,” you answered, “glad to be back here though.”

“Well, Harry sure missed you. He hasn’t stopped talking about you since he got home last night,” Tom informed you, making you chuckle, “glad you guys got to reunite though, he’s much more tolerable now.” 

“Hey, I can hear you!” Harry called from the other room.

You laughed, shaking your head at Tom, “I’m glad we got to go out last night, but I missed you too, ya know?” you teased Tom, knowing Harry was still listening.

“Yeah? Missed you a lot,” Tom said, playing along with you, “what d’ya say we hang out later, maybe grab some dinner together?” 

“ALRIGHT GET IN HERE!” Harry yelled from the other room.

You and Tom laughed for a second before he held his arm out, gesturing you towards the living room. 

Harry flashed you a bright smile from his spot on the couch, he was resting against the corner, half on the back of the sofa, half on the arm; he had one leg tucked under the back cushions, the other bent over the edge with his foot resting on the floor. He opened his arm towards you, his smile widening even more.

You practically skipped over, sitting down in front of him and starting to pull your legs towards you.

“Ah,” he scolded, “no shoes on the couch, Tom’ll kill you.” 

You laughed lightly, knowing he was absolutely serious, putting your feet back to the floor, untying your laces, and toeing off your shoes, before pulling your legs up again and crossing them criss-cross-applesauce.

Harry was quick to lean forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder. He had his laptop open on the cushion next to you, a text document pulled up.

“Watcha workin’ on?” you asked lightly, expecting him to not answer and close the lid.

“Oh just tryin’ to write a script,” he answered, snuggling into your neck, “actually,” he pulled back, “would you maybe want to read it? I’d love your input…” he trailed off.

You were stunned that he was willing to share with you; most things with him and work were kept very tight-lipped, either by his choice or the studios’. When you didn’t answer right away, he started to get nervous.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, darling, don’t worry about it.”

“No no no,” you hurried, pulling the laptop across the couch and closer to you, “I want to,” you smiled, “just surprised you want to and can share with me is all.”

You hunched forward over the screen, resting your elbows on the cushion and your chin in your hands. He followed you, one arm still wrapped around your middle, the other on the trackpad as he scrolled around the screen. 

“Alright, so start here, love,” he whispered in your ear, “and don’t be afraid to make suggestions if it doesn’t sound good or doesn’t make sense or something,” he smiled, pressing a light kiss to your shoulder.

“Okay, babe,” you smiled, leaning back into him, taking the weight off your arms, and starting to read. 

His hand rubbed up and down your side gently, the other rested on your calf, as he hunched over you. He placed a few kisses to your neck and shoulder as you slowly read over the script. 

“So what’s the idea here?” you asked quietly, in your own little bubble as Tom, Harrison, and Jacob played video games on the TV mounted next you, “like what’s happening before this?” 

He explained a little bit, giving some character descriptions as well, before letting you read again.

You sat there quietly for probably about 10 minutes. Harry’s hands passed soothing touches to you; his lips tapped your neck, jaw, and shoulder occasionally. His eyes scanned the page as well, checking for typos and things like that because he might as well. You could feel his chest and stomach rise and fall against your back as he breathed, comforting and relaxing you. 

“Hey,” you spoke so quietly it was almost a whisper, “I think you should flip these lines,” you said pointing at the screen, “it’ll flow better and the tension will build smoother, ya know?” 

He reread the section, his hand ceasing its movement on your tummy as he focused: “Yeah, love, that makes sense, I think I like it better that way too,” he smiled, highlighting the text and flipping the lines around. 

“Okay, now I gotta read that again,” you giggled, scrolling back up to get into the scene again with the new order.

Harry chuckled at you, pressing another kiss to your cheek, “whatever you say darling.” 

He suddenly tightened his hold on your waist, giving you a small hug, “sorry,” he whispered quickly in your ear.

“For what?” you asked, turning to look at him.

“Don’t think I did that when you got here,” he smiled, “or this,” he said, just before pressing a kiss to your lips.

You giggled as you pulled back, “mmm I don’t think you did either.”

He smiled at you, nudging his nose against your cheek, “okay, back to reading.” 

You turned back to the screen, starting the scene over again and then continuing on. He smushed your cheeks together as he read with you, wanting to see the new section as well. 

You read past it, liking the new change a little better, and so did he. A little further down you highlighted a section and made a note, “sorry, this just sounds a little weird, could use some rewording.”

“You don’t have to apologize, love, I want your opinion.”

“Okay, well, just a note for later,” you smiled, “do with it as you wish.” 

He chuckled at you, “alright, darling, whatever you think.” 

You smiled, going back to reading, nearing the end of what he had.

Jacob tapped Tom’s leg, pulling his attention from the screen, “hey,” he whispered, grabbing Harrison’s interest as well: “look at them,” he said, nodding towards the two of you, hunched over the computer, curled up in each others’ space.

“I think it’s cute,” Harrison whispered back.

“God he’s so in love with her,” Tom smiled, shaking his head.

You were too focused on the script to be aware of anything else happening in the room; Harry, however, heard everything. His attention was caught as soon as the screaming at the game stopped.

“Can’t believe she’s getting to read the script that we don’t get to know anything about,” Harrison added.

“Yeah,” Tom said a little louder, pulling your attention away from the screen.

“What’s that about?” Jacob asked, nodding at Harry.

You weren’t sure exactly what they were talking about, but you clasped your hand over Harry's on your tummy, turning your head to focus on the conversation.

Harry didn’t know what to answer; this was something he told the boys that he ‘wanted to do on his own’, but he couldn’t help but bring you into the mix. 

“What can I say,” he answered them after a while, “you’re not as cute as her,” he shrugged, squeezing you lightly once more.

You smiled, sinking back against him a little further and he placed another peck on your cheek, just next to your ear. 

The three boys laughed lightly, shaking their heads and turning their attention back to the game while you both went back to working. 

You soon finished what he had written, but when you got to the end, you didn’t make any effort to move. You wanted to stay held in his grasp like this forever; you loved having him wrapped around you and were determined to soak up as much of it as you could.

“So what’d you think, darling?” he asked, pulling you to rest back on him as he settled against the arm again, “honestly?” 

“It was really good!” you answered, turning your head to look up at him, “can’t wait to see it on film,” you smiled, pressing a kiss to his jawline.

“Yeah? You think so?” he asked, doubting himself a little bit.

“Of course! It’s gonna be big, I know it.”

He smiled at you, about to say something in response, but Tom beat him to it, “would you two get a room?” he called, watching the two of you fawn over each other.

“What’du say?” he asked, passing you a wink.

“Mmm, sounds lovely,” you smiled, sitting up.

“Ewwww,” Tom groaned, scrunching up his face.

You and Harry both laughed loudly at that; you picked up your shoes and Harry grabbed his laptop before taking your hand and guiding you towards the hall. 

“We’ll try to keep it down!” he called over his shoulder, laughing loudly.

He led you into his room, gesturing you to get comfy on the bed as he turned to close the door behind the both of you, “pick a movie, love.” 

Just before the door latched, you heard a yell from Harrison, “USE PROTECTION!”

“DUDE!” Tom yelled in response, causing Harry to laugh again and finally close the door. 

TAGLIST: @xamourx @spider-barnes @hogwartsmarvelmommy @tulipholland @harryhollandsgirlfriend @cupids-crystals @sunwardsss @bvttercupbby @mcushvft @elishi03 @golden-hoax @mistakenpersonn

[egcdeath]

checkmate

summary: you’ve always refused to lose, and love was no exception. (gone girl-ish au)

pairing(s): ransom drysdale x dark!reader, a special mystery guest ;) 

word count: 3.7k

warnings: 18+ because of heavy themes! faked death, framing of crimes, manipulation, alluding to sex, alluding to cheating, terrible relationship dynamic, very loose usage of the word crazy/psychotic, implied mention of self harm, brief choking & slapping (in a non sexual way lol), pregnancy trapping (idk if thats the right term), the reader is a very bad human being, overuse of italics  *please let me know if i’m missing any warnings!

author’s note: this is my 2nd submission for @stargazingfangirl18’s 5k soft dark challenge, i decided to make the reader dark >:) but ransom is also not a good person. I used these prompts: “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.” & The town golden *girl isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks.

this is definitely the most unhinged thing i’ve ever written, but blame @literate-lamb for making me write this because when i pitched this to her and said that i’d probably never write it, she enabled me. 

okay that's enough from me. join my taglist if you want :D

“I know women whose entire personas are woven from a benign mediocrity. Their lives are a list of shortcomings: the unappreciative boyfriend, the extra ten pounds, the dismissive boss, the conniving sister, the straying husband. I've always hovered above their stories, nodding in sympathy and thinking how foolish they are, these women, to let these things happen, how undisciplined. And now to be one of them! One of the women with the endless stories that make people nod sympathetically and think: Poor dumb bitch.” Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Your whole life, you’d considered yourself a competitive person. Constantly overcompensating for one thing or another, whether it was the chronic desire to achieve perfection that had been installed in you since you were a little girl, or your persistent internalized sense of inadequacy. You realized early on that it was much better for you to win than for you to lose, no matter the physical, emotional, or mental cost of the prize of perfection.

For the most part, this mindset worked out for you. You graduated as Valedictorian from your high school, neared the top of your graduating class at Harvard. God knew you earned it, all those tears you shed into overpriced textbooks, all the popping of unprescribed Adderall, and robbing yourself of the parties and social events that the rest of your peers gladly indulged in. 

You were just different, which was why you gained a job nearly immediately after your exit from school, quickly climbing to the top at the Blood Like Wine publishing company after only a few years of being there. 

And one night, at the party celebrating the release of A Thousand Knives when you laid your eyes on Hugh Ransom Drysdale, the grandson of your boss, you knew that you needed to have him. Rich, hot, a bit of an asshole. You deserved to finally complete your image, and that socialite flavored eye candy seemed to fit the part perfectly. Luckily for you, he was desperate. It only took a few tugs on your dress’ V-line, and a number of knowing smirks to find yourself being finger-banged in his family manor’s bathroom.

From there, you wormed your way into his life. Leaving belongings at his place as an excuse to come back, and offering booty calls in the middle of the night. Ransom must’ve been much more desperate than you originally thought, as it really only seemed to take one night of stroking his hair while he vented about his family to make him want to be with you. Men with mommy issues were always so easy. 

Except, he wasn’t that easy. The longer you got to know Ransom, the more fucked up you realized he really was. He had no boundaries at all, became jealous and enraged at the drop of a pin, and occasionally told you things that made the hairs on your arms rise. 

This of course all came to a head after the night of Harlan’s 85th birthday party. When the news broke of his tragic death, you’d immediately known it was the works of your Hugh. If your intuition wasn’t enough, his confession in the shower, where he’d demanded you take off your clothes to display that you were without a bug, certainly was. 

You were completely devastated. The man that you’d invested so much into for years had thrown both his and your reputations down the drain in just a matter of hours. Of course, you felt bad for Harlan too. He was a good guy (when he wasn’t instigating a family fight).

Still, you showed up during the funeral in your best mourning clothes and dawning your biggest crocodile tears. You rubbed Linda’s back while she mourned the loss of her father, and the new truth about her husband. You played dumb when interrogated by some Southern private investigator, even giving Ransom an airtight alibi. You testified on his behalf in court with enough conviction to grant you an Emmy. 

You’d gotten so far, devoted so much energy into him, that you simply refused to lose now. 

To your friends, you’d seemed to lead a near perfect life. Dream job, dreamy boyfriend, dream bank account, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted more, you just didn’t know what. 

It dawned on you while sipping mimosas at the country club, Ransom playing tennis with his friends just a few yards away from you while Danielle showed off her brand new engagement ring, a .59 Carat Asscher Diamond, that if you heard her speak of again, would probably make you lose your shit.

You zoned out as she droned on and on about the shape, and how Matt proposed to her in their own private room in one of the most exclusive Parisian restaurants, instead focusing on how you could find yourself in the same position as that airhead next to you. In all honesty, you couldn’t stand the idea that someone was doing better than you, let alone someone in your own social circle. Dani got all the bragging rights of being engaged to the heir of some tech giant, being the first in your friend group to get eloped, and worst of all, Matt wasn’t even making her sign a prenup. 

You blankly watched Ransom from afar, taking occasional sips from your sweet drink, while you thought of how you deserved all of that and more, and you were going to get it one way or another. 

——

It didn’t take much to come up with something, your first and most obvious plan being to simply ask Ransom when he was going to propose to you. Of course, this wasn’t the first time you’d tried to approach him about this subject, you just wondered if maybe this time things would be different.

Panting heavily after a rather rough night in bed, you rolled off of your boyfriend’s chest and gave him a messy, yet sincere kiss. You knew your man well, and if there was any time to pop the question, it was in his post-nut haze.

“Baby,” you said breathily, “I wanna ask you something.”

“Shoot,” he responded casually, glancing over at you. 

“When’re you gonna propose to me?” you hummed.

Ransom groaned and shook his head, rolling his eyes, “this is about Matt and Dani, huh?” he tutted, then extended a hand out to your warm cheeks so he could gently caress one with his thumb. “Thought we agreed marriage is just a piece of paper and it’s stupid.”

You huffed in response.

Of fucking course.

“I never said that,” you muttered, setting a hand on his broad chest. “Besides, it’ll be good if you get pissed and decide to like, kill your dad or something. Y’know, spouses don’t have to testify against each other in court.”

Ransom chuckled as if this whole thing was funny, like your feelings were some kind of sick joke to him. “You know my lawyers, babe. They could prove that bees don’t make honey. That bears don’t shit in the forest. I appreciate your attempt, though. This has been some really nice pillow talk.” 

“Whatever,” you muttered, pinching his nipple in retaliation before turning your back to him and yanking the blanket onto your side. 

You weren’t sure why you were so surprised that he was being stubborn, most of the time you felt like you were pulling teeth from the man. But that’s why you had a backup plan! You always had a backup plan. That’s what separated you from your boyfriend. Where Ransom was extemporized and impulsive, you were calculating and prudent. 

Although you devised your plan that very afternoon while watching your partner backhand small green balls, you were going to need some time to get everything in order, to prove Murphy and his stupid law wrong in making sure that everything that could go wrong wouldn’t. 

After all, love was a game. And you sure as hell weren’t losing to Hugh Drysdale. 

——

You sacrificed too much to have your plans ruined by some trust fund baby with impulsivity issues. You deserved your dream marriage, the stability you wished you had as a child. You wanted the white picket fence, and everything that came along with it. Your desire to be the best, to be perfect was what drove you to poke holes in every condom in the box, what led you to draw liters of your own blood in hopes of staging a fake crime scene, to buy a cheap getaway car and burner phone off of Craigslist, and reach out to a high school boyfriend who you knew was in a position as desperate as you. 

You planted seeds of doubt in your friends throughout the following weeks, feeding them lies about Ransom’s behavior, how you were afraid of telling him that you did in fact see two faint red lines on that damn plastic stick– only half of the statement truly being false–, telling them that he was behaving erratically lately.

It all was going without a hitch. Ransom didn’t seem to notice anything was off, despite your frequent visits to the bathroom and newfound affinity for true crime documentaries. 

You almost felt guilty, knowing the world of pain you were about to throw the man into. Granted, he deserved the pain. You were in a relationship with a genuinely terrible person, and that person had made a conscious effort not to commit to you. You tried to make this easy for him, give him a chance to say a few words to you and slide a ring on your finger, but no, he always seemed to take the hard route.

You slept like a baby the night before you were setting your plan in action. You made sure to uphold the facade of everything being fine, making Ransom a nice breakfast before sending him halfway across town to the hardware store with an oddly incriminating list.

Once he was out of the house, you hurried off to the fridge in the garage where you’d been keeping a small stash of your own blood. It wasn’t pretty, but it had to be done. You poured the blood throughout the kitchen, splattering bits of it on the counters and cupboards. You poorly cleaned the mess, just as he would.

You put your next move in motion, falsifying a home invasion. You tossed over a table and some chairs, throwing books and photos onto the floor, but left some aspects slightly untouched, like an upright picture frame to give yet another hint that things were not exactly what they appeared. 

You left a tiny blue post-it note on the nightstand of Ransom’s side of the bed, a quick and simple doodle of a ring along with the first initial of your name inked onto the tiny piece of paper. 

With that, you were off. Technically missing, soon-to-be presumed dead.

----

 The days following your disappearance had gone even better than you’d initially planned. Local news coverage had been all over you, search and rescue groups were assiduously looking for you, your parents had opened a tip line, and begged for you to get home safe on news segments. But the best part of it all was that Ransom had been briefly found himself in police custody, only to be released shortly thereafter. His past of an accused murder quickly made your disappearance even more of a national story, and you watched the whole thing unravel from the safety and comfort of your high school boyfriend, Andy Barber’s Newton home. 

Of course, you fed him the same lies you’d given to your friends, and seeing the rather lonely position he was in, he gladly let you stay with him. You were absolutely having a hay-day with it all, dedicating hours of your day to watching Ransom slowly unravel. Maybe it was a bit sadistic of you to enjoy torturing your partner so much, but he needed to learn his lesson. You deserved better. You needed Ransom to rise up to your level, allowing you to finally complete your image. To let you two appear to be the perfect couple. Really, this was all on him.

Andy, for the most part, had been a good host. He was gone for the majority of the day, dedicating himself to his work while you lounged around on his dangerously cozy couch. Around two weeks into your stay, you were sharing a box of pizza in the living room with your old lover when something interesting on the television caught your eye.

Ransom, broadcasted on CBS, being interviewed on your disappearance. 

You watched with wide eyes as Ransom begged for your return on national television. It was one thing seeing your mother plead for you to come back, the same woman who had installed such toxic behavior in you sob for your return, but Ransom. You’d never loved him more than in that moment.

“Hugh, if you could tell Y/N one thing, what would it be?” the interviewer asked.

Ransom turned, looking straight at the camera, directly into your soul, “Y/N, I love you so much. More than you’ll ever know. I need you to come back safely, to see you, to hold you again. I’d give anything in the world for that right now,” he looked down, a tear falling down his cheek. “I can’t live without you in my life, I-”

His sentence was cut off by Andy grabbing the remote, and turning off the TV. You turned your head and frowned deeply at him.

“Why’d you do that?” you asked with a bit of a pout.

“I just couldn’t stand listening to him talk about you like he hasn’t treated you like shit for the past few years. C’mon, let’s get ready for bed.”

Your blood boiled. Andy was once a means to an end, but now he was interfering. He was clearly much too selfish to see that you and Ransom were quite obviously soulmates. A match made in hell. 

You followed him to bed regardless, curling up on what had been your side of the bed for the past few days, and staring at the wall until Andy’s breaths moved from a soft and rhythmic pattern to loud snores. God, those snores were obnoxious. 

You slipped out of bed and to his dresser, grabbing two soft ties from the drawer, and daintily tying his wrists to each side of the bedpost.

“What‘re you doing?” he mumbled, instinctively yanking both of his wrists as he awoke.

“I’m going back home,” you whispered.

“You can’t be serious,” Andy huffed, tugging on the restraint attached to the headboard.

You shook your head, “I am.”

“I should’ve known. Why would you do something like this? Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in with the law?”

“Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in when the world finds out that you kidnapped me?” you retorted.

This threat seemed to wake him up right away, “what about this was kidnapping? I gave you a nice home, fed you, I didn’t even make a pass at you. I didn’t do shit to you,” he hissed. “You think I can’t prove that? I’m a lawyer, for god's sake!”

You nearly laughed, “Okay, Andy,” you paused for a moment, “As a lawyer, who do you think everyone’ll believe? Someone who the world was on a wild goose chase for in the last two weeks? Or the man with a family history of violence? Must I remind you that your father and your son have killed people?”

Andy shook his head, face pinched in sorrow at the mention of his deceased son, clearly a low blow. “You’re insane,” he muttered.

“Swear to god that you won’t tell a soul what happened here,” you leaned over him, getting right in his face. “Or I promise, Andrew Barber, I will ruin you. You’ll spend the rest of your life behind bars, or disbarred, or whatever the hell I decide to do with you. So keep your goddamn lips shut.” 

You pulled away and he solemnly nodded, not bothering to put up a fight. You loosened the fabric around his left wrist and walked out of the room. You picked up the keys to Andy’s Audi on your way out, checking the time as you adjusted the driver's seat. 

9:45 PM. Fatherhood really changed the man.

You pushed that thought aside and began your drive home, which turned out to be a surprisingly short trip. When you pulled up in front of your home, you were met with a slew of reporters outside of the house, along with a police car that seemed to be permanently camped there.

As you slowly got out of the car, a gasp, followed by a loud silence fell across the crowd. You limped for dramatic effect up the driveway as cameras followed you, and glanced back at them pathetically. From your peripheral view, you noticed the officers get out of their vehicle.

You finally got to your door, ringing the doorbell and waiting. You blinked harshly a few times, conjuring up the tears you needed to really make a spectacle of the event. After a few minutes, Ransom opened the door, eyes widening as he looked at you. He stepped out, and you wrapped him in as big of a hug as you could manage, genuinely missing his embrace. It was possible that you even let out a few real tears in the moment.

Your emotional embrace was interrupted by the man you recognized as Lieutenant Elliott, the same officer who’d been assigned to Harlan’s case. 

“Ma’am,” he began, only to be shut down by you. 

“Please, just let me be with my boyfriend,” you pleaded, crocodile tears streaming down your face as you spoke with the officer. You still needed time to get your story straight.

“Just give us the night, Lieutenant. We’ll come in first thing tomorrow morning,” Ransom added, furrowing his brows at the officer that he’d come into contact with far too many times. 

He looked to his partner, who shrugged, then to you, “enjoy your night.”

Cameras flashed around you as civilians, journalists, and newscasters alike attempted to catch your attention. You grabbed Ransom’s hand and dramatically pulled him inside, insincerely attempting to hide your face by ducking and covering half of your face with your arm. 

As soon as you were in the privacy of your own home, Ransom threw you against a wall. 

“Why. The fuck. Would you pull a stunt like that,” he hissed through gritted teeth, eyes wild, and a hand around your throat. 

You whimpered as he tightened his grip, rage clearly flowing through his system uncontrollably.

“Do you know what you did to me? You almost had me thrown in fucking jail. Do you understand that?”

You nodded weakly, “Ran,” you whispered, “the baby,” you glanced down at your stomach.

He paused, dropping his grip on your neck and staring at you in awe, “no…” 

You nodded again. 

“How…? You told me you were on the pill… You- you made me use protection…”

“Surprise?” you said weakly. 

“You’re a psychotic bitch.”

“I’m your psychotic bitch. And no child of mine will be born out of wedlock,” you taunted. 

“That’s what this is about?” Ransom laughed manically. “You did this all because I won’t fucking marry you?”

You didn’t even have to respond.

“I should send you to the loony bin right fucking now.”

“What happened to all those things you said to me on TV?”

“You’re fucking delusional. I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. And you will. I’ve had to put up with you and your stupid little antics for way too long. How do you think I felt when you killed your own grandfather?”

Ransom scoffed, throwing his hands up in exasperation, “you are so fucked up.”

“I’m the fucked up one? You killed your own blood in cold blood! You’re unhinged!” 

“You faked your own death for attention, and got pregnant while doing it! Is that baby even mine?”

“The fuck are you trying to say, Hugh?”

“I asked if it’s even mine.”

“Really. You’re accusing me of cheating on you. That’s rich considering Mia, Layla, and whoever the fuck else. You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous? You couldn’t have a normal adult conversation with me!”

“Are you kidding me? I asked you time after time to marry me and it was always some bullshit excuse!” you wagged a finger in his face as you spoke. “Oh, commitment scares me, oh, marriage is just a piece of paper, oh-“ you mocked his voice in a deeper tone before you were cut off by the sting of his hand against your cheek.

“Can you shut the hell up?” he growled at you as you held your own cheek, before you reached out and slapped him back, “I can’t believe that I’m stuck with such a deranged bitch for the rest of my life.”

“Maybe work on your vows a little, dear. I don’t think that those words are as charming to me as they’d be to the rest of our family and friends.”

“You can’t be serious,” he groaned.

“But I am,” you hummed, rubbing your cheek softly once again. “Look at how fast your life fell apart without me here. How quickly the public turned on you. Imagine how upset they’d be if you left me. I love you, Ran. I really do. You and I are perfect for each other, can’t you see that now?”

Ransom took a step away from you, pacing slowly in front of you. He ran a stressed hand through his hair, and took a long and drawn out breath, clearly at a loss for words.

“So when should we have the wedding? I’ve always wanted a Spring wedding, and I know it’s a little short notice, but I don’t want to be showing too much in my wedding dress,” you grabbed Ransom’s bicep gently, as if you were just having a regular old day with him, as if you hadn’t been choked and slapped moments ago. “But we can make it work. We always make it work, right?”

Your now fiancé stared vacantly at the wall ahead of him, giving you a slow, empty nod of agreement. 

“It’s settled then,” you smirked. “I’ll start looking at venues. You find me a nice ring, okay Honey? One that puts all those other bitches’ rings to shame,” you sighed pleasantly to yourself, “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before hurrying up the stairs and into your bedroom. You heard a distant shriek of  “fuck,” from Ransom, but you truly could not care less. 

You hopped into bed, grabbing your laptop from its charger and promptly opening it. You couldn’t help but to smile at your own reflection on the empty black screen. This wasn’t how you imagined your engagement, but you did the impossible. You tied yourself down to Hugh Ransom Drysdale, he went down kicking in screaming, and you were likely in for a lifetime of cheating and resentment, but you did it nonetheless. 

You finally won.  

[babblish]

I was tagged by @dreamcrow, thanks~

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Okay - okay - okay, lets see what I have for the people... note that all of these fics are rated M for... Dark and Adult Themes

Fic One: Primordial Awakenings & Deleted Scenes (Completed)

What; Primordial Awakenings is a short(ish) fic detailing how each member of the Arcane Order was born, how they all met each other and why they chose the life's calling that they did.

Why; I'm combining these two for what I hope are obvious reasons, but I think Primordial Awakenings has some of my favourite writing ever. Something clicked inside my brain (after rott) and it was like I was possessed until I got it finished months later. I had the best time writing this and I hope it shows.

Fic Two: The Unwelcome Guest (Completed)

What; Stricklander struggles to deal with a nosy spirit butting into ever aspect of his life in the 80s, but while the spirit seems kind and inoffensive enough, things aren't as black and white as you may think.

Why; If you ever want to introduce someone to my particular brand of ToA fics, I actually recommend suggesting this one first. This is because it's a oneshot but includes you should come to expect from one of my fics.

It's funny, it's dorky, it gets extremely dark in places, contains pathos and sneaky lil easter eggs that link it firmly in the Heart of Janus AU.

Plus if someone has reservations about my ability to write OCs to match and complement the canon characters, this will either put their doubts at ease or confirm my fics are not for them without having wasted too much of their time.

Fic Three: Under the Wave (Ongoing)

What; A fic about the birth of Morgana and her early involvement with the Arcane Order before she discovers Camelot and Merlin. Also about how the Arcane Order adopt a washed up corpse and have nothing but problems since.

Why; In the process of writing Primordial Awakenings, I came to the realisation that there was zero meaningful difference to the way I wrote the god's births and Morgana's death/reanimation. This meant of course I had to write how this happened in my Heart of Janus AU and lay a foundation for all the other stuff I plan to write about in this ongoing project.

The weird relationship between Bellroc and Morgana, both as characters and they way they are similarly treated by canon, is a treat to dive into. Also Skrael vs Morgana banter is so good and fun to read/write, truly you are missing out if you have not tried it yourself.

Fic Four: The White Rabbit (Completed)

What; A deepdive into Scaarbach's backstory and the inner-workings of the Janus Order through the end the 18th Century to the middle of the 19th.

Why; This fic is an exploration of what it's like to grow up in a cult and how it colours every aspect of your life and perspective, ruins your relationships, and pressures you into doing truly horrible, unforgivable acts against others.

At its core, this is fic is about how when an organisation doesn't have your best interest at heart, punishments and rewards are fundamentally indistinguishable. And when this organisation owns the rights to your life and soul, death and escape look the same to someone stuck on the inside.

The reason this fic exists is because I came to the realisation that as a queer ex-jw ToA fic writer, I was probably the only willing and able to write about Scaarbach (and the other changelings) with the lens that I could. And so I did. I wrote a tragedy.

Fic Five: Web of Starlight (Ongoing)

What; The backstory of my dnd character the drow rogue Web, including the complicated relationship he has with his parents, the Underdark, and the Spider Queen. Not to mention the various ways gender and transition may look like in a fantasy setting, and how he went from a solider at war with the surface to deserting on his slow journey of juggling his identity and purpose in life.

Why; I know Web isn't ToA related at all but Web's backstory is something that's deeply personal to me, and showcases a lot of the grimdark serious topics that I like to juxtapose against light-hearted, goofy and unabashedly earnest character moments that features in just about anything I write.

(Be advised that this fic is less diligently CW'd as of the moment)

Tagging: @creativenicocorner @gay-pirates-in-love, @feather-dancer, @falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand, @sidhewrites Feel free to join in or ignore~

[dakotadelacour]

Framing the House

As you may have read in my post, Laying the Foundation, I recently decided to remove my stories from AO3. This isn’t due to any major fandom drama or anything like that, I just wasn’t enjoying writing as much as I used to and having unfinished stories on the website increased my anxiety. So I took them all down. If anyone is interested, I’m now using my free time on hobbies that are even better for me than writing used to be. After letting readers know about my decision to stop writing, a few reached out to ask if I’d share a summary of how I had planned to finish a series I was in the middle of. I decided that would be a nice way to wrap things up, so to speak, so I’ve taken to Tumblr to do just that. To give a complete summary, though, I felt I had to start by explaining why I wanted to write Dramione fanfiction in the first place and what my original intentions were for my most popular story, Between the Lines (which eventually turned into the previously mentioned unfinished series). So that’s what I covered in my last post which, again, was called Laying the Foundation. Here’s a recap, though: I wanted to write a (mostly) canon complaint retelling of the Harry Potter books which would make Draco’s cruel behavior and him having a secret crush on Hermione somehow blend together in a believable, sympathetic way. I also wanted to include a lot of headcanons I developed while re-reading the books because I wanted to shine light on nuanced Dramione patterns from canon which are sadly overlooked far too often (IMO). Sidebar: if I can toot my own horn for a second, I recommend that post for the canon analysis alone. I’m pretty proud of it. Much love to the Tumblr user who commented about it! Anyway, that’s the recap of Laying the Foundation, and now we’re ready to dive into Framing the House. Basically, with this post I want to build on the details I’ve already shared in order to explain my original story outline and how I got off track. After that, in the next and last post in this mini series, I can tie up plot points as they stood before deleting my work. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, though. Since I got off track from my original outline, there are plot points I regret including and/or no longer enjoy exploring. So, yes, I’m Framing the House, but by the end the house is going to be a bit crooked because it’s going to include things like, “Here’s what I was thinking, but I don’t like that anymore.” Bare with me.

Let’s start with the original outline, inspired by the previously mentioned original intentions (mostly canon compliant but Draco has a secret crush and, oh yeah, headcanons galore). Just know, though, that I’m using the words original outline pretty loosely here. I had a lot of headcanons and I wanted to weave several of them together, but I was also aware that they couldn’t ALL fit.

Here are some basics, though.

Remember how short the first few scenes were in Between the Lines and how quickly I moved through years 1, 2, and 3? How a reader needed to know the canon story to make sense of what I was writing because what I included was pretty bare bones? Here’s a big reveal: it was all supposed to be like that. Because I was writing it just for myself. Never really expected thousands of hits or hundreds of kudos. This a little embarrassing to admit, but honestly the whole story, start to finish, was supposed to come out to be like, maybe 20k words. A long ish one-shot.

The “unspoken understanding” between Draco and Hermione which I described in my last post? In my story, it was supposed to stay that way all throughout their school years. Because I love Draco being confused, resisting his feelings, but deep down he’s secretly pining. Pining Draco is my favorite. So that’s where I wanted him to be through the entire war, which would have taken up about 75% of the long ish one-shot I imagined  initially. Okay, so put a pin in that thought for a second while I talk about Ron and Astoria.

Here’s a blunt truth: I don’t really like canon Ron. I know Hermione has a bunch of flaws too and maybe my retrospective feelings about my first big crush in high school cloud what I think of Ron. I mean, he’s a relatable character and a good friend to Harry. So I don’t like to drag him through the mud. But his fits of moodiness and immaturity always bothered me more than Hermione’s. So I like to picture the two of them were together for a time after the war, but as Hermione learned more about herself on a deeper level, she decided she and Ron were not a good fit for each other. No marriage and no kids for them. Never happened as far as I’m concerned. But Astoria? She’s not in the books, so it’s easy to imagine her any way I want. And I like Scorpius because, even though I don’t read much of it, I’m a Scorbus shipper. The friendship between those two nerds was the only good thing about Cursed Child if you ask me. So, yeah, I also had all these headcanons about Astoria and and how her life might intersect with Draco’s and how they might have had Scorpius. To be more specific, I’ve always liked the idea of Astoria suspecting or knowing about Draco’s secret crush on Hermione and having really personal reasons for empathizing. That is, I’ve always liked to imagine her having her own friendship with Hermione and/or her own secret relationship with a Muggle-born such as Colin Creevey. Eventually that developed into a post-war headcanon: After losing Colin in the war, Astoria makes peace with marrying Draco — going along with her mother’s and Narcissa’s plans to pair them together — so long as Draco is fine with it too. And I imagine that he is fine with it, at least for a time, because Hermione is either unavailable or he perceives that she is unattainable. So back to the original outline. Let me mesh together the long one-shot, bare bones ideas with my Ron and Astoria ideas. I thought I’d quickly make it through my retelling of all seven books, then add in a few scenes which would start out fairly compliant with what we’re told happened to our favorite Harry Potter characters after the war. Hermione would go back to Hogwarts for a year. Harry and Ron would become Aurors, but before long Ron joins Fred at the joke shop. Initially, Hermione and Ron are together. And Draco, having barely acknowledged his feelings for Hermione, (other than to Theo because that was another ever-present headcanon) would be too pessimistic to believe he could have a future with her. 

But then! Astoria comes into his life and they develop more of a friendship than a romantic love. They care deeply for one another and eventually admit to each other their feelings for Hermione and the belated Colin Creevey. They get married, knowing that what they have together is less than what they want from a partnership but, hey, at least they can be honest about it. And then they have Scorpius. Eventually, Hermione and Ron split. Something kinda, sorta finally develops between Draco and Hermione. But he’s married and he has a son. He wants to be honorable and resist his feelings for Hermione. But Astoria! Oh, Astoria! Being the best ever, she initiates the difficult, necessary conversation. She encourages a divorce, maybe even going as far as to scream at Draco, “Fine, if you won’t divorce me, I’m divorcing you.” Angst! Angst, angst, angst! I love it. And I still love those headcanons. I do, a lot. But I think they only work if I had kept with my plan to make the story relatively short and told in a bare bones kind of way. AND — this is a big piece, thus the capitalization — I think those headcanons also only work if I had resisted the urge to let Draco and Hermione get together sooner. I mean, if you’ve read Between the Lines, you know that they fully accepted their feelings and committed to one another by 5th year. Meaning, I now have a Hermione I don’t want with Ron and a Draco I don’t want with Astoria, not even for a short phase. Given the way Between the Lines developed, even a short jaunt with other partners would be really, really frustrating for readers, I think. Because my Draco and Hermione already love each other way too much to allow themselves to get that lost and separated from each other. Right? It took me a long time to realize that, though. Like, even as my story got more detailed, and complicated, and longer than anticipated, I was digging it for a while. Loving it, really. Like, “Look at all these headcanons working together perfectly! Yes, give me the memory loss trope! My favorite! I’m so glad that headcanon fits with all these other ones I have.” So I was chugging along, and only once I started planning the sequel more seriously did I realize the above post-war plans no longer felt right.  But I kept trying. I thought “:Okay, okay, I can do this. I can make this work.” Maybe the story won’t extend a few years past the war like I thought. It will end shortly after the Battle of Hogwarts with Draco and Hermione meeting with the Aurors who are about to insert the memories back into their minds. But the beautiful thing is that, regardless, they’ve already fallen in love all over again. (Hmm. Wait and Hope, anyone? Not the exact same concept but parallels, definitely.) But that just didn’t excite me as much. I mean, think about the classic three act story structure. If the story is really about  Draco’s growth and his developing relationship with Hermione — and the war and memory magic are just vehicles used to explore those things — what would be the “all is lost” moment? What would be the climax? For the sequel, I had a lot of ideas about Unraveling memories, and reimaging canon scenes in interesting ways, and working in headcanons about the Black sisters. But overall, it simply started to seem like I’d already written the all is lost moment and thereby set myself up for the longest descending action sequence ever to exist. Sidebar: I’m toying with the idea of reworking the story significantly and publishing it again with a non-linear timeline. More on that in the next post.

So that’s the gist. And yet, despite explaining all that, I’ve managed to dodge a lot of specifics, haven’t I? The next and last post in this Tumblr mini series, which will be called Installing the Windows, will cover more specifics, but let me give a little teaser. And let me use Graham Montague to do it (again). As I mentioned in Laying the Foundation, the whole story started to go awry because of Graham Montague. I was writing him — that scene in which the Slytherin Quidditch boys are gossiping about cute girls— and he turned out so damn charming that I just couldn’t help but allow him to spill the beans on my pureblood gender imbalance headcanon. But that was never meant to be in Between the Lines. Yep, you read that right. The gender imbalance, the whole Sacred Sons thing — it wasn’t supposed to be there! It was meant to be saved for an 8th year fake dating fic. And it all spiraled out of control from there. Ahh! How dare you, Graham! Okay, okay, I’m being a bit silly. Really, though, that was the first time I allowed myself to get more detailed than I originally intended and the habit stuck after that. And because I was more detailed, it made sense to allow Draco and Hermione to get together way, way earlier. And because of that — well, now I’m starting to talk in circles. So I guess I’ll end this par here. More details next time. Stay tuned, Dramione fans.