#i wouldn't have met a lot of people. all these lessons too. stories. experiences

[cruyuu]

Last chapter leaked and is so, so bad

Hi anon.

I've actually skipped looking at leaks this time (and would do so in the future) because I've wanted to experience one chapter in its entirety and not just have it vaguely translated. Besides, I started to really hate how popularized leak culture is in this fandom. It's gotten so bad to the point that some people don't even read chapters, they just read leaks and that's it.

I understand why you might think it's bad. I also think so. There's two chapters left and, as a fan of the story, I dislike the direction of everything. It feels rushed and forced... it isn't fulfilling at all. I'm happy for those who do think it's good but for me it's a hard miss. Landings in shonen usually aren't pretty though so I'm used to it. (and even though there are two chapters left it still wouldn't change much really.)

As a Yuuji fan though, oh am I having fun lol.

I'm going to put the rest behind the cut (which is my opinion on this chapter).

We get explanations because of course we do. There were many fans who disapproved and called bs on the way the entire Sukuna fight was handled. I have to admit that even though I do think what Gege wrote makes sense, it still feels overtly complicated and just a tad plot convenient how everything played out perfectly. It's all just... I don't know. Too much explanation and little to do with imagination. I'm not a child so I don't need a chapter dedicated to spelling out little things that could've easily been mentioned at an according time (like during the battle).

Still... the way the powers work here in this story does require you to really sit and think and do require block after block of text. This is the one part that I never liked about jjk because explanations like these make character-oriented moments feel less alive and make all of them behave like a bunch of dolls because one moment you'll see them talking but the next panel you're met with a whole class on jujutsu. It was always bizarre to me how little interaction there was between characters... hell if you take away the class sessions, they rarely have moments where they talk amongst themselves for themselves instead of giving a lesson on jujutsu or strategizing. It's admittedly a bit strange but oh well... it is what it is ig.

There's a reason (aside from certain characters being hot) why jjk's tag on ao3 has a lot of works. Some people take what we know and expand on it in a far less Gege-way by having characters interact with each other. I have grown to like more characters in fics way more so than in canon. In canon, only a handful of characters get my love and I'm sad to admit that those that do (such as Maki and Higuruma), quickly slip out of that loving spot and now I can't really feel as happy as I did about them before.

On that note, I haven't felt anything when Higuruma showed up alive. Yep lmfao. I used to feel for this man a lot and he is one of my top 3 (aside from Yuuji and Sukuna) but... I can't say I am happy that he's back. Now his sword disappearing in Yuuji's hand is for nothing and him clearly dying in front of Yuuji was for nothing. I still do love him and can't really dislike him (absolutely not) but canon... man the story really is kicking me in the butt when it comes to execution because ever since 265, the story had been a literal mindfuck. When I think I have a sense of where it is going to go, it goes a total opposite direction (and usually the one that doesn't really fit the vibes of the previous chapter). To me... the story's now all over the place which is contradictory because everything is being spoonfed to the readers and everything is "fine and dandy".

I still will complain because Shibuya arc had me thinking that I'd be reading something different (like CSM did) but then... here we are. There are practically no real consequences (aside from Gojo) in the Sukuna battle but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if he, too, gets a pass and gets resurrected. I would love nothing more than to read a shonen where the dead don't come back and where there's actual troubling consequences but then that wouldn't really be a shonen but would be a different genre all together (a seinen) so... yeah. I'm not going to count in Megumi's sister (because she's barely even a character) nor reincarnated cursed spirits (because we couldn't really even invest ourselves in them before they were gone) so you could say the only real casualty of the whole vs. Sukuna (aside from the Merger which wasn't even a real threat since Kenjaku wasn't even that intent on that plan in the end) is my time.

I'm just joking ofc, but I hope you get my point. It's not rewarding, not fulfilling and definitely not a good conclusion for someone who could barely even invest themselves into other characters. I still can't give a fuck about Yuta, or Kusakabe, or Panda. I feel just as stone-faced as Nobara and Yuuji did during the latter half of 268 when Megumi joined them. It's all so... whatever. (and it's kinda hilarious to me because the fandom is losing their minds and meanwhile the characters are lowkey behaving like dolls lol)

Still for those who did enjoy this and do love how everything is unraveling and so on and so forth, good for them. I'm just stating my opinion. Some might get the impression that I would love for jjk to be a tragedy, and tbh, I would not but I really would've loved if Gege, as an author, made me care about the side characters more. Instead the side characters to me feel like empty husks and I attached myself to Yuuji because his development seemed interesting only for it all to amount to weird ass interaction with the entire cast and back to being benched. He's literally playing spectator now in this chapter and yeah... it's really disappointing.

Again, two chapters left and this is where we're at. Lol.

I don't want to be a killjoy but yeah. It's not all so bad really but it is frustrating how little there is about the world and in general how many things have been shelved in favor of what we got now. Instead of seeing these interactions (which was just recycled "ok so this happened which wasn't explained") we could've gotten explanations regarding Yuuji's linage, his talk with Gojo, or for that matter, had character behave a little less like npc's in a video game that repeat the same dialogue when you come up to talk with them.

What this chapter did reveal which was also funny (said with anger btw) to me is this:

So Yuuji's "gloves" weren't really a cool feature that came from swallowing his half-brothers but by mr. Chosen One himself. Le big sigh.

Okay so... the Yuta glaze. No offense to people that like him but since when did he develop this much that he overshadowed everyone (even the King of Curses) in the end? Not only is his plan this successful but turns out that without him, everything would've failed.

I'm just straight up baffled at the amount of attention he's getting because last time I checked he wasn't the one who brought back the literal threat of the series and had absolutely no connections with the secondary antagonist (Kenjaku). Instead of the supposed main character who never had gotten the spotlight in his own fucking story (which is just proving those haters right atp because truly what the actual hell is jjk about? Everyone but Yuuji.) to get something that belongs to him... Nope. None of that.

If you thought this was an actual serious story then well... jokes on you. This panel is actually lowkey hilarious but because I really had grown fond of the story I just find it frustrating.

Yeah I... I don't know what to say really but Gege really disappointed me with this. I'm not much hopeful for the future (because the writing does feel quite cheap) and therefore will stop treating jjk like I did before. Does this mean that I hate it? No. I'm just disappointed.

I will keep my head up for like two chapters more since I'm curious what else can happen but then will definitely move on. Not from the characters tho who (luckily) can exist outside of canon. Yuuji and Sukuna will always be my babies and others are still there in my heart even though I'm very much so frustrated with the story.

So yeah... there you go. I probably might skip answering asks regarding the chapters in the future bc I really don't care anymore. If Yuuji's linage get addressed (which is the only thing I care about atp bc everything else is starting to annoy me) I might be okayish with whatever the hell we get as the ending.

[altruistic-meme]

Thanks for answering my ask before. If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......

hi!! sorry it took me so long to reply, lot happening and i had to think on this :) but here we go! once again, in no particular order:

Avatar: The Last Airbender (TV Show) atla is something that has been in my life for SOOO many years. it is a huge part of me, and a big part of my relationship with my sisters, and just something that brings me so much comfort. i have rewatched this show more times than i could ever try and count. i know too much about it. my sisters and i will often start quoting along with the show without missing a beat or a line because we all just know it that well. also it's just such a fucking FANTASTIC show and is the literal blueprint to me. perfection.

Captive Prince (Book Trilogy) has also been in my life for probably much longer than it should have been lmao i definitely was too young the first time i read this series. but it is so wonderfully crafted and amazing. every time i reread it i fall a little more in love with it. i think, if i could choose only one thing to be able to experience for the first time again, it would be capri.

All For the Game (Book Series) the other book series that i will never be capable of getting over. it captivated me in a different way from capri but just as strong. it shaped my feelings on consent as a constant and i know i would be a much different person if it hadn't been for these books.

Yuri!!! On Ice (Anime) this show saved my life. quite literally. if i hadn't fallen into it when i did, i wouldn't be here. and i will always be grateful for that. it's such a beautiful commentary on life and love and the music is truly something else. the only thing to ever get me to listen to and feel purely instrumental songs. i need to rewatch it soon.

Young Royals (TV Show) i stumbled into yr on accident and i wouldn't change it for the world. i have met so so so many absolutely amazing people because of this show. it is so beautifully crafted, with so much thought and intent behind every frame, every line, every movement. i have never seen a show like it before and i don't know if i ever will again.

Banana Fish (Anime) my comfort show <3 why? don't know, it makes me cry even when i know what's coming, even when i have seen it so many times. in my worst moments, it is the first thing i think to put on. i can still lose myself in the story and throw myself headfirst into the pain and love and sorrow and care.

Haikyuu!! (Anime) i always feel like i was so late coming to this party. but i don't mind. hq brings me so much joy and is one of the only things on this list that just never brings that same level of angst. it is pure serotonin in every step and i am so happy every time i watch it. really, it should be the one that's my comfort show. and it is, sometimes.

Bungo Stray Dogs (Anime) i just recently fell hard into this. i had seen the first seasons years ago, but rewatching it this year brought a whole other level of love for it. i feel like i understand it a lot better now than i did when i was younger. each character and arc touches me in a new way and i think every lesson that it teaches really hits me in a different way coming from here as opposed to anywhere else i had heard it.

Good Omens (TV Show) (also the Book but less so) another one that is just so masterfully created. every detail has been considered and planned. even now, we know that there are things set up for the future and i cannot wait to see them fall into place. the characters have so many aspects and facets and every time i look back at them, there is something new to take away.

Prince of Egypt (Movie) maybe on odd choice, but it's another comfort of mine, something that makes me feel close to one of my sisters, and just a truly stunning piece of art. i don't know how to explain why it's on this list any more than that.

[hlmowrer]

Week 22: My life is a haphazard mess, but maybe that's a good thing?

What a week.  Let me incoherently tell you about it!

Sunday:

So remember that really long talk I wrote in a single day?  Well, Elder Sines had also been asked to speak (for a shorter, more introductory time) so I really hyped him up to take a bit of extra time..and boy was he listening.  This dude talked for like 17 minutes!  President Kimball had anticipated that we might struggle to fill time so he had added an extra musical number to the program as well...the end result was me giving my talk in the final 5 minutes of the meeting.  I had to skip over entire pages on the fly!  It was good life experience I suppose, and everyone seemed to enjoy the meeting.  Later in the evening we had a zone finding challenge...there was a points system for how many people we could find and talk to in an hour.  Elder Sines and I tried to full send our effort, but it turns out even downtown Kalkaska on a warm Sunday night is super dead.  It was genuinely hard to find anyone outside, much less get them to talk to us.  Eventually we found a group of people playing a card game in a park, so we didn't come dead last in the challenge at least.  

Monday:

We met with Ben again!  We had a great chat about the Plan of Salvation and why Adam's fall was necessary.  We read out of 2 Nephi 2 in the Book of Mormon as we discussed, and that seemed to really help with his reading comprehension.  (He had struggled to get much out of his personal reading when there wasn't a relevant discussion topic to go with it)  After we were done studying, we had a neat chat about aviation (apparently he's thinking about going to flight school!)  and Ben's dad showed up and offered us pizza!  It was epic.

Tuesday:

Today was a bit hard.  It was a pretty gludgy, empty day for most of the afternoon, and then in the evening we met with President Kimball and Brother Hoover (Our branch president and branch mission leader respectively), and they had a very long training about how we need to be all in and always using time efficiently and so on.  I've always had a hard time with endurance, and my introversion makes my need for personal time really strong.  It's hard for me to listen to stories about missionaries really "giving it their all" and feel motivated...I usually end up feeling quite the opposite.  P. Kimball and B. Hoover did have some good suggestions for what we could try this week though, and I think Elder Sines got a lot more out of their pep talk than I did.  He was also willing to listen to some of my frustrations about it, and it's really nice to know I can speak candidly to him.

Wednesday:

Today's highlight was an impromptu zone conference in Traverse City with President and Sister Heap (yes I know I said I wouldn't see them again...this was added to the schedule last minute.)  President and SIster Heap shared some thoughts about what they wanted us to remember and focus on...the things they felt were most important for us to remember going forward.  They told us a bit more about how the presidency transition would go logistically, and they bore really powerful departing testimonies.  Sister Heap's really got me too...Sister Heap has always been the organized, stable foil to President Heap's energy and emotion.  Seeing her speak powerfully and even cry a little was very unexpected, but honestly proves that she really meant it.  Over the past several months I've really come to love and rely on the Heaps, and I'm genuinely quite sad to see them go.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday:

These days shared a trend of a few successes intermingled with quite a lot of amusingly stupid fails.  I got a nasty cold that made it hard to breath and therefore a bit loopy.  We had a really great new member lesson with Kami, met a new friend on Facebook called James, and got some really good intel from a branch presidency member while we built his floor for him.  Interspersed with these victories were a bunch of really annoying L's, ranging from the really sad (One of our new members has repeatedly cancelled appointments and is ignoring all attempts to contact him) to the just plain stupid (We drove to like 5 different markets trying to find pizza before settling for a crappy hot dog...which I promptly dropped face down on my pants).  It's hard to be in the right place at the right time when it comes to finding new people as well...Kalkaska is pretty dead, so we have to go to other towns to be effective but we have to plan that in advance so sometimes we just get stuck in Kalkaska during prime hours with nothing to do.  On a brighter note, Elder Sines and I have taken to just hanging out before bed in the evenings and sharing funny stories from our past.  I'm really grateful for the fact that I can not only get along with him, but I can actually enjoy hanging out with him too.

I'm going to be honest, I hate this email.  There's so much more I'd like to say, but it's hard to articulate what's actually important about these experiences a lot of the time.  Sufficeth it to say, I'm continuing to learn a lot of life lessons out here.  Sometimes I feel like I'm doing well, and sometimes I don't.  But at the end of the day, this is my life.  I'm growing here, and that's what this life is for.  So I guess everything is going along great :)

Love you all <3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

[janajelic]

Build yourself up.

A few weeks ago I read a sentence that somehow sticked to me. "Lose your self. Build another one. Lose that one. Build another." I've tought a lot about it. Because that is somehow what happened the last 2 years and what still is happening in my life. Now more than ever.

Theres a saying: "You collect so many pieces of people as you go about this life. You're a mosaic of everyone you've ever loved, even for a heartbeat."

And I have never heard something truer. Because you can literally feel how people shape you. And I don't even mean it in a bad way. People teach you, if you really listen. If you're not filled up with yourself you don't have room for anything else. After every person I met I learned something new. Wether it was something about the world, life or even myself. And everytime, I grew. I somehow became someone new. Because these people helped me get to know myself better. They shed light on some parts I thought weren't there or that I wouldn't want to look at. Parts that I burried deep down in my subconcious as you would say. The ego seems to think that you're fine the way you are. And don't get me wrong, you are. But at the same time you are not. We think that we're working constatly on ourself and adressed the things that bother us. The parts we don't want to look at. But sometimes you need people to help you with that. And even if you say you don't need their help, oftentimes you don't even know that it's help. And they don't even know it themselves. Because life works in mysterious ways and we don't know what happens behind the scenes.

But what I can guarantee from my own experience, is that every person I met helped me discover a new part of myself. Something I didn't know, or didn't want to know. Something I thought I already worked on but I didn't. And even though it wasn't always a happy ending, it was. It's weird to explain, but I am thankfull for every experience I had, for every lesson life gave me wether it was pain- or joyful. Because it brought me nearer to myself. And for that I'll be forever grateful, and never angry and bitter.

Like I said in a previous entry, we aren't always the good one in every story. Maybe we helped someone out too somehow, without even knowing it.

And what happens after you get crushed or heavily influenced by an experience is, most of the time, the questioning of your own persona. And we need to keep in mind that persona means mask on latin. You start to question where it went wrong. And I'm not saying that you made all the mistakes or the other person, wether if it's in your work place, in friendships, family or with your partner. It doesn't matter, life consists of relationships. You can put this interpretation everywhere. But the crumble of your persona is a essential consequence of the experienced. And I think it only is able to crush us because we weren't true to ourselves. We tried to fit in, thats why it hurts. Because we tried and it still didn't work out the way we wanted to. And so, the mask falls. Because it forces us to take a step back and look where we went wrong, where we betrayed ourselves just to be liked by someone or a group of people.

And often times it needs an event that has a bigger influence on us to get this process started, as for example Carl Gustav Jung said. That's where we become aware of our shadow sites. Because we can't ignore it. We walked around with that mask for so long we don't even remember who we were before society told us who to be. So the feeling of being lost arises and we wonder how we'll get out of this.

At first, we maybe try to distract us with whatever helps us. But after some time we realise even that doesn't help. That's what I meant with life giving you no choice after ignoring the signs for too long. Eventually, you'll have to sit with your shadow. And introduce yourself to it, because it's a part of you. So, what I mean by that is, you loose your self during that process, only to built another one. And right when you tought that you found another one, you'll loose that again. And everytime you loose it, you'll find one that is more the real you. Until this persona doesn't fit anymore. And then you shed your skin, again. And again. And again.

That's where relationships fail, friendships break, we move across the country or world, change our job. Thats where we isolate ourself or can't get enough of exessive partying. Or having one date after another and trying to force yourself to something you think you should do thats where you find yourself in places asking yourself "what am I even doing here?". But none of that is an "I have to", it's all an "If I want, I can". But ohh you got to take care of staying in the middle, sticking to yourself like you would to a loved one. Because if not you'll loose that one faster that you think, and with it everything that doesn't fit anymore will vanish too.

It's like a rebirth, a hurtfull but still liberating one. Because if you think of it like that, you'll always have the opportunity to invent yourself new. How exiting is that?

Life has weird ways of giving you the opportunity to grow, but it for sure never rests. And we'll neither.

[lowrezbonuslevel]

Ok, answer to Dream Friends question:

("🍒 (Cherry) - Out of all of the Dream Friends [Kirby included], which ones would they get along with the most? The least?")

Let's start with the elephant (spider?) in the room:

Something tells me Tarantillda might have a few choice words for her little brother... just a hunch. How that conversation would turn out by the end? Well, I won't spoil it here. I'll probably post a proper comic about it someday.

I think Zed would like Taranza, though, if the two got the chance to meet each other. The latter might be surprised by how much Zed knows about him already:

(Some good, some bad, and some... embarrassing. Tillda usually doesn't use Taranza's name in her stories, but Zed can tell when she's talking about her brother.) And with all three of them together... who knows what tomfoolery could arise!

Regarding Tillda and the other Dream Friends:

I think she and Zan Partizanne would relate to each other's struggles and family roles. They're pretty similar in personality, too--diligent and a little brazen.

Tillda would be very good friends with Susie. They don't have many similar interests, but that might just make for great conversation between the two. (Actually, Susie reminds Taranza a lot of his sister, even though he never mentions his family. He finds both Susie and Tarantillda to be obnoxiously bossy... And maybe a little comforting to be around. That too.)

Being on the older side in comparison to much of the Kirby cast (based upon my headcanons of course), I think Tillda might particularly enjoy the company of King Dedede and Meta Knight. She'd value their advice and life experience, especially having lost her parents as a child. (Side note: Tillda has met Dedede in person, but the two don't really "know each other," so to speak.)

Tillda would not care for Magolor. More plainly: I do not think she would like a single thing about him. She might have to resist the urge to commit a heinous crime whenever he is around. (She really has a sore spot about people who take advantage of others' naiveté.)

I don't think she'd like Flamberge or Francisca; not initially, anyway. She may or may not have developed an unfair suspicion against little siblings...!

For Zed:

The first Dream Friend that comes to mind here is Gooey, especially since he was an inspiration for Zed's design! The two of them are both quiet, thoughtful, and very off-beat. They'd get along well.

For many of the same reasons, Zed would enjoy hanging out with Rick, Kine, and Coo (and the rest of Kirby's Animal Friends. Maybe Zed would be particularly intrigued by Nago and Shiro?)

And I could definitely see Zed enjoying a laid-back painting lesson with Adeleine and Ribbon.

Zed would not like Daroach or the Squeaks. There's obviously the musophobia, but the idea of their visor or precious tools suddenly going missing wouldn't help. (The Squeaks are often portrayed as honorable thieves, who steal only from the rich and cruel, but Zed doesn't know that, and would be irrationally terrified even if they did.)

Unlike Tillda, I don't think Zed would be able to tolerate much of Susie's company. She would bug them with endless questions about their visor, engineering projects, loyalties, origins... Zed doesn't like talking about their personal life, for the most part.

Marx is equally nosy (and even more loud), so Zed wouldn't be a big fan of him either.

A final note: Zed and Tarantillda would both like Kirby a lot, but... come on, that's a given! It's Kirby.

I’m late but if it’s not too late for the Kirby oc ask game, 💫💌🍒🍅🐛 for either/both your ocs?

Yeah!

Q: "💫 (Shooting Star) - If they were to wish on a clockwork star, like Galactic Nova or Star Dream, what would they wish for?"

A: If we're talking current day, after they've met and become friends, I honestly think they might just give their wish to each other. Neither is the type to rely on magic or Ancient shenanigans to reach their goals, for better or worse; but they do want what's best for each other.

If we're talking about before the two met: for Zed, it's a secret because I haven't figured out some story details. For Tillda, it's probably predictable enough. I made a little comic (it continues under the cut):

Q: "💌 (Love Letter) - How easy are they to befriend? Are they more of a social butterfly or a lone wolf?"

A: Tillda is not that difficult to befriend, but she might keep you at a healthy(?) distance. She was always somewhat introverted, but after losing contact with Taranza, she is more reclusive (spider pun!) than ever. Zed is her closest friend, but she is also respected and generally well-liked at her workplace.

Zed is even less social than Tillda. It isn't because they don't like other people; they just don't actively seek friendship. For instance, Zed almost certainly wouldn't be friends with Tillda if she hadn't bumped into them during one of their work shifts. (Speaking of which, they do inadvertently creep some of their coworkers out, but either Zed doesn't notice or doesn't mind.)

Q: "🍒 (Cherry) - Out of all of the Dream Friends [Kirby included], which ones would they get along with the most? The least?"

A: ...This one is gonna be somewhat long. I'll reblog with the answer to this one later.

Q: "🍅 (Tomato) - If Kirby absorbed them or their attacks, what Copy Ability [or Abilities] would he get? Alternatively, if they themselves are capable of using the Copy Ability, do they have a favourite?"

A: Tillda---hold your suspense---would give the Spider Copy Ability. (Maybe Kirby could wear her muffler. Or a wig. That would be cute.)

I could see Zed giving the Whip ability because of their tail. (This is much like how Gooey is represented by Whip Shadow Kirby in Fighters 2 because the former uses his tongue as a lasso of sorts). Though maybe you could argue that Zed, being a feline like Tac and wielding a mechanical visor, should give the Copy Copy Ability. (Zed's own visor has several functions, but scanning Copy Abilities is not one of them.)

Q: "🐛 (Caterpillar) - What are your OC’s greatest fears, and why? How do they act or react when they’re afraid?"

A: Tillda and Zed obviously have some deeper-rooted fears, but those will naturally be explored later in comics (whenever I get the chance), so we'll go with their greatest phobias:

Zed: Musophobia. Zed is terrified of rats and mice. Rodents are messy, they chew through wires and equipment, and they're a sign of a disorganized workspace. (And I love the cat-afraid-of-mouse trope.)

Tillda: Claustrophobia. She doesn't like small, tight rooms or crowded cities; maybe it's because she's lived in nice green countrysides all her life. Floralia is obviously a plant-filled paradise, but the planet she lives on now also has some verdant stretches. The modest home she inherited from her parents is in one of the planet's greenest cities (more of a village, really).

As for how they react to scary situations: you know "fight, flight, or freeze"? Well, Tillda fights, and Zed freezes.

Thanks for the submission!

[noxtivagus]

neath dark waters

[aboutlouishofmann]

A Life Devoted To Music

[Original interview here which is already in English. I'm just testing. All images curtesy of cinema.de]

FRIDAY, 7/5/2019

A LIFE DEVOTED TO MUSIC

In PRÉLUDE Louis Hofmann plays a talented pianist.

Rising star Louis Hofmann has often been seen at FILMFEST MÜNCHEN — for example, in the tender coming-of-age drama CENTER OF MY WORLD. By now, Hofmann is well-known all over Germany thanks to the captivating mystery series DARK. This makes us all the more delighted that this up-and-coming actor is returning to Munich this year with not one, but two exciting films. In PRÉLUDE, he plays a talented musician who experiences the downside of being an artist; and he also has a role in THE WHITE CROW, about Soviet ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev. We met the amiable actor at the world premiere of PRÉLUDE and asked him about his own experiences as an artist and how life in the spotlight affects a person.

In PRÉLUDE, you play an aspiring pianist named David, a freshman at a conservatory who's under pressure from the beginning. What was it about this story that caught your interest?

In 2015, I was invited to a casting for PRÉLUDE. I think I'd read only a small blurb about it, but it won me over right away and I knew I absolutely had to play this part. I don't know whether I'd already seen WHIPLASH. I grew up around lots of music and have an affinity to it — and probably a fascination with sadness as well. I thought if the script fulfills the promise of that little blurb, I've got to be a part of things. Then I went to the first casting with director Sabrina Sarabi and we simply got along very well and I noticed that she does very fine work.

When did you finally shoot the film?

Two years ago. It was hard to get all the money that was necessary. It is just a small film, after all. I'm still glad that we made it even though we didn't have much money. Being so close on set was also great. On the first day of shooting, there were maybe 15 of us on the set. It took some getting used to, because I'd just come from DARK, where we'd had 100 to 150 people. That was our own little microcosm, and working with such a small team was something I enjoyed to the fullest.

Is that something you generally prefer: a smaller scale?

No. I just prefer good material.

What does good material consist of?

That's the question. There are only the standard responses: well-developed characters, a nice development of the role, a story that's exciting, not one that's narrated. David is somebody I can identify with to a good extent. He's sensitive. He has this great ambition that I carry within myself. When he does something, he jumps in wholeheartedly. That's also the approach I take to my own work. That's why I understood him right away.

You mentioned that music has always been very important to you. Do you play an instrument?

I played violin for a year, because my brother played violin. I stopped pretty soon after that. Then, at age eight or nine, I began to play the drums. I did that for eight years.

Do you still play?

I stopped when I moved from Cologne to Berlin. I didn't have a drum set there, nor did I have the infrastructure: a place to rehearse and so on. I didn't take it up again until this year. I rediscovered how awesome it is and how much I'd missed it — how I'd totally been caught up in the piano as well. I used to be able to play chords or three-finger accompaniment. Classical pieces, though, were pretty foreign to me. I somehow put in a lot of effort with a teacher, without being able to read music. We did it with videos. I think it helped me a little to be able to play the drums. But to learn a new instrument and suddenly understand how it works and to be familiar with the keyboard and to get into the groove when playing: that really did a lot for me. In addition, it was just extremely good preparation for the part. It made the character accessible to me, which is something I hadn't really expected.

How long did you practice?

After I got the role, we did two years of workshops. In the end, we had two-hour lessons, five days a week for three months, and then two to four more hours a day of practice.

That's a lot.

You're right. But it's great. At first it's so difficult. The first two weeks were so rough: you're really just searching for the notes; your fingers don't understand it all just yet. You feel like a dyslexic on the piano, just so amateurish. And suddenly after two or three weeks, your fingers start doing what they should. You follow the instrument, and it's simply awesome.

Are you still doing it?

Unfortunately not. No, because I can't read music and because I'd noticed that I get bored easily because I only ever play the same pieces. My roommates and I have a piano, and I play it sometimes, but not like before.

What kind of music do you listen to?

Mainly indie rock, indie pop, alternative. Sometimes soul classics, chansons, or jazz hip-hop.

Can you name two or three artists?

Two or three artists I can name... Somehow that's always pretty hard to do. Right now I'm really looking forward to the new Dope Lemon album that's coming out soon. As for indie pop, Bon Iver is one of my heroes. Parcels is great. I could go on forever. Music is a really important part of my life. I just immerse myself in it and discover new artists. It's a lot of fun.

There's this gotcha question that I once picked up from a job interview: If you were a song, what song would you be? That is, a song that describes you very well.

I have no idea. I think the songs we listen to speak to only part of ourselves. The first song I thought of is "8 (Circle)" by Bon Iver. But that's just my melancholy side. It wouldn't describe me completely, because I also have a non-melancholy side, a very happy side, that I wouldn't be doing justice to.

Now that you've had a brief look at the life of a musician, even indirectly, what would you say is similar to or different from the life of an actor?

The pressure is what they have in common. The expectations one has of oneself. The competition. Although I have to say we're a generation, I think, who fight more alongside each other than against each other. For a pianist, it's a more individual fight than for an actor, because as an actor you normally don't perform alone.

In the film, David has to put his personal life on the back burner in order to get somewhere as a musician. Since you said that you enjoy immersing yourself, to what extent do you find yourself having to put your personal life on the back burner?

Since the work always comes in phases, you only have to do that in phases. And then I do that. In recent years, I've also learned that you can't completely separate the two — that the project phases should intersect more with the phases of free time. I've always felt that I've completely forgone personal life while working, up until the end of shooting. At some point, I no longer thought that was a good thing. In this line of work, you have to watch out, otherwise you'll start thinking of the year only in terms of blocks of time. I've resolved to be aware of this for more than a whole year again. Theater actors can probably do that a lot better, because they have regular work. They're able to balance their personal lives and their work more easily. That's a small obstacle that a film actor has to overcome at some point.

Let's assume you have free time. What do you do to unwind after work?

I had a hard time of that in Berlin. But this year, I went back to some old hobbies, like the drums. Also skateboarding, climbing, bouldering, and so on, to find balance. It's just about doing something that no one judges and where there's no output. Where you're not forced to deliver output. Because all you do when playing is give, give, give. You learn something, too, of course, and it gives you something back. But it's very relaxing to just do something that no one is appraising.

And where you're not being watched.

That, too, yes.

How often does it happen nowadays that you're recognized out on the street?

Sometimes. Occasionally. There are days when nothing happens, and other days when it happens several times. It also depends on whether I'm in a bar or another place where people gather.

Imagine that for some reason you had to do something other than act.

What would I do?

Exactly.

Hm. That's difficult.

Did you always want to be an actor, or were there alternatives?

A soccer player, of course. I definitely wanted to be a soccer player. When I finished high school, I was also very interested in psychology — and art. But I don't believe that I'd study art or psychology, even though I was still saying that two or three years ago. I also have a lot of fun working behind the camera, and I've been a set manager for short films. I enjoy organizing a set in the extreme, because I also have experience in how these things work. I'd probably still prefer to stay in the world of film and then maybe try to develop material or help to see it realized.

So you could also imagine directing and scriptwriting?

Probably not scriptwriting. I'm more the kind of person who reads the script and says, "Oh, that's what happens. I think it'd be great if this and that also happened." I don't think I could write a story myself. I have a lot of respect for those who can.

What else are you up to next?

On Monday, we started filming the third season of DARK, so I'll just do that for now. That'll probably take another six months. After that, we'll be done. The series was planned as a trilogy from the beginning, so the story will conclude with the third season.

That's all from me. In closing, do you have any more comments you'd like to make about your film?

I think Sabrina is very talented, and I'm very proud of this film and hope that people will see it.

[onedelicateskeleton]

This entitled ass man baby...

Have you ever had an old flame come back to haunt you like a particularly vicious case of acid reflux long after you thought you were in the safe zone? Well buckle the fuck up, because do I have an absolutely wild story about just such an incident.

Back in the days of slider phones and myspace, when I was but a 16 year old goth with dyed black hair, I met a boy at a metal concert. He was a year or two older than me, and kinda cute by 2007 standards. I would later find out he had a 2 or 3 year old daughter, so it's not like he was some saint or anything. He'd already had some go-rounds with girls. I'll call him Jerk Bag, which is funny because his initials are JB.

After several all-night phone calls, we ended up dating for approximately 2 months. We didn't see each other often, but the relationship was very intense over the phone. I was super into him, not-quite-but-almost rebounding off my Vulcan of a first love (who I still call my highschool sweetheart) and probably looking for more than this guy wanted to give. By which I mean I wanted a boyfriend who actually cared about me and didn't shut me down constantly. I thought I loved this guy and I said so. So he dumped me and I took it hard, as a 16 year old goth is wont to do.

He lived in one of the outlying towns around my sizeable city, so we didn't see each other with any regularity. I reached out via Myspace a few times, but he wasn't interested in talking. After some more back and forth with the Vulcan, Jerk Bag and I connected again, this was about a year later, right after I graduated high school. I was 17 by this point, about to start college, and starting in on the first of many bad hair dye experiences.

He seemed a little more open to, you know, the existence of human emotions (things like laughing at dumb jokes, enjoying activities, being bothered by rude people) and he strung me along for a while. I was so much better, he could really see us together, whatever. I got emotionally invested and got my hopes up. But, you guessed it, he decided I was too intense, after he had purposefully pushed all of my buttons to get me going on the whole relationship thing. Again.

I was upset, said some rather unkind things about him being a Jerk Bag who played me for a fool again, and that he was destroying my love life for fun. I fully admit to being a melodramatic little gremlin. But he was definitely being an asshole, so it all balances out.

But wait! There's more!

In the intervening years, I did a lot of living. I performed on stage in my favorite musical. I was incorrectly diagnosed with cancer and had a questionable surgery. I almost became involved romantically with a minor celebrity. I learned so much about myself and the world around me. But I was still, in many respects, a dumbass kid, and would remain so until I was about 22 or so.

When I was a 20 year old college student with the visible remnants of several questionable dye jobs and Jerk Bag was a 21 year old college dropout with no real ambition (as I was starting to figure out but steadfastly ignoring) he reached out again. I invited him to join my college friends and I for a weekend party trip to a timeshare owned by the parents of one of our group. I thought it would be a final make or break type moment for us.

Our group would usually goof off in the tourist town, grab dinner at one of the fancier restaurants, and then head out to the resort where we would light up the fire place, break out the alcohol, and play cards or board games or some other such college nonsense.

Most of my friends were from some means, I was absolutely not, but you wouldn't have known it with how well I fit in. They were all older than I was, by between two and five years.

Well in the lead up, Jerk Bag said and did all the right things. I started getting attached again, because some lessons have to be viciously beaten into your head via a metaphorical frying pan.

The weekend started off well enough, but slowly went more and more awry. He embarrassed me (and himself, of course) multiple times. When it was late and we were drunk, he acted like he wanted me, then rejected me once again. I blew the fuck up.

Things were said. Things were yelled. We came back from that trip miserable, and though I would still talk to him when he reached out, I never let him get close to me again. I'd realized he was a loser. Finally.

When I was 21-ish and finally had a decent dye job, Jerk Bag was again attempting to go to college and ended up at the same local school I was at. He joined the club I was president of. It was fine. I was friendly, but that was all. I went to a party he was having with friends, as a gesture of no hard feelings, but he got too drunk too fast and became an unhappy, vomiting mess, so I got the girl I came with and we left. He seemed a bit put out at this and didn't stick with the club for long. Didn't stick with college for long, either.

During that time, though, I know he was telling people I was his crazy ex who would never let him go. Multiple friends of mine set him straight on my lack of feelings for him, but I'm sure it went in one ear and out the other.

He squandered every opportunity that ever came his way. He was such a loser, I thought.

Some months later, I started seeing a guy ten years older than me who was polyamorous. I took up the lifestyle, met the man who would become my fiance, and casually or not so casually dated a handful of people.

I quit the lifestyle. After a while of radio silence, my future fiance and I met up at a party, spent the evening playing twister (literally, I won) and drinking together, and three months later we moved in together in a committed relationship. That was nearly seven years ago.

I've talked to Jerk Bag maybe once every other year since then, typically via text for a quick catch up session. What are you doing these days, how's the family, that sort of thing.

The last time we saw each other was right after Pokemon Go was released. He dropped by my mother's house, where future-fiance and I were staying briefly while I was dying from then-undiagnosed food allergies and a still-undiagnosed immune condition(s). We talked for 15 minutes max on the screen porch. He was engaged, I said congratulations, then mentioned my boyfriend worked third shift and was sleeping, which was why I didn't invite him in. Guess he didn't pay attention to the part where I had a boyfriend.

I'm sure he told the woman he eventually married that I was still waiting for him, wistful and wanting, because he needs to feel important and needs women to feel like his presence in their life is some kind of a gift.

I haven't seen him since, and we've only spoken probably three times since then.

So why the fuck did this man child contact me out of the blue last week? I'm 30 years old and have a great dye job. It's been 14 years since I met Jerk Bag, 10 since our last knock-down drag-out fight.

It started off simple enough. The how are you, what are you up to these days sort of conversation we have every so often, so I thought nothing of it.

Turns out Jerk Bag moved to another state, owns a house, his daughter is growing up, but he's not really doing so well. He didn't say why, though.

I casually mentioned my fiance, which surprised him. So I told Jerk Bag how long fiance and I have been together, been engaged, and that we are getting married next year.

Friends, this was the wrong fucking thing to say, apparently.

Jerk Bag was honestly afraid he'd ruined my love life. He literally thought I would never find someone to be with. And the way he said it made me feel like he was implying my fiance is some sort of consolation prize.

He insisted I used to love him and that it was real and he made a terrible mistake for not being ready for love and for pushing me away and hurting me.

I patiently explained that we were young, that with no frame of reference and no lived experience, everything felt like a much bigger deal that it ended up being. That's how dumbass-more-or-less-kids are.

So he decided he was happy I had a better understanding of what happened. A better understanding? Of being played for a fool as an ego boost? Yeah, I do understand. Dude was a loser who came to me to make himself feel important.

But that wasn't all. Not by a long shot.

Jerk Bag messaged me again two days later to say he'd gotten high off that synthetic marijuana that used to be popular, lost his job, and got kicked out by his wife.

Jerk Bag was never able to handle any sort of mind altering substance when we were involved, so I wasn't surprised he'd used a fake drug and fucked up royally. But.

One of the reasons his wife kicked him out (aside from presumably having continued to be a grade a fuck up, was because she found out he was talking to a girl.

All this, just days after him telling me he should have loved me and been with me? Gross. What a creep. Clearly he'd been on thin ice for a while, and was looking for an escape hatch. She just got sick of his shit before he could secure someone to take care of him.

How do I know this? Because he needed somewhere to stay. He said he wanted my help, kind of implying he wanted to stay with me. I told him to find a rescue mission or homeless shelter, since he had no vehicle or money. So clearly I wasn't going to go rescue him.

He didn't like that, and asked outright if he could stay with me if he could get back to our home state. I said absolutely not.

He didn't like that, and magically had a vehicle so he could, in fact, get back to our home state. So he asked again if he could stay with me.

Yet again, Jerk Bag pushed me to the point of a blowup.

I told him he was being inappropriate and that I had set my boundaries. I can't be his confidante or support system. I have a lovely life that fulfils me. That it's been TEN YEARS since there was a hint of anything between us and that he needed to understand that he was assuming an awful lot of importance for himself in the grand scheme of my life. Then I wished him well and blocked his number. We weren't friends on Facebook, but I blocked him there, too, just to be sure.

My fiance thinks I should have blocked him sooner, but knows that helping people is in my nature, and that for all I'm a bitch, I hate being mean. He trusts me completely, but he knows this has all been bothering me. My comfort is his only motive.

I've changed my first name socially in the last year, and when we get married, it'll be a full legal name change. A name Jerk Bag doesn't know. He knows I'm still in my home city, but as I said, it is sizeable, and all he knows about where I live is that it is an apartment. That's nothing to go on. I'm finally rid of Jerk Bag.

I'll admit that I was a melodramatic asshat in my teens and very early twenties. My hair was questionable, my emotional stability moreso. I was a mess, but not a malicious one. Never conniving, and I didn't take advantage of others' feelings to boost my ego. I did my fair share of dating and breaking up, but I never started something with somebody if I knew I couldn't give them what they wanted. Learned it along the way, sure. But never did it on purpose.

Part of me feels like Jerk Bag is going to think I turned him down so harshly because I know I can't resist him and I don't want to get hurt again or something.

But... I'm 30 years old. I love my life. I don't care what some insignificant Jerk Bag tells himself to feel warm and cozy at night. Not enough to do anything about it, at least.

And that's the story about how I went from *being* the psycho ex to the one who *has* the psycho ex.

I've finally gotten rid of this fucking guy, and that's what matters.

[ploddingaroundtheglobe]

Pinnawala

(Elephant orphanage)

152 kms south from Kalpitiya we took the tuk tuk to Pinnawala. Pinnawala is a village in the Kegalle district, about 90 kms from Colombo city and most famous for its elephant orphanage. Driving through various villages and towns to get there. The locals were surprised to see westerners driving their own tuk tuk, stopping for food breaks within their villages. There was no tourists within the villages so the locals were very curious to see us and what we were doing there.

We chose to visit Pinnawala, to explore the elephant orphanage which we was told was a must do when visiting SriLanka. We booked to stay at a small hotel called Elephant Reach, were we met our Srilankan friend Priyantha. He was very welcoming, and we was his only guests at the time, due to the low season. We was excited for our room with air con, so we could breathe again.

Priyantha the owner of our hotel was very friendly and jolly, we ended up going out for a meal together the three of us, he said he knew the best place to eat. He drove us there in his car, we all had three courses and some beers at the restaurant. He knew the staff, it felt as though we were vip, given the best table, and the best service. When we got the cheque before leaving, we chose to pay for Priyanthas meal too, it was very cheap to do so in Srilanka. The portions were huge, Priyantha was clearing our plates aswell as his own. He was the first Srilankan we met who didn't really have a religion, his views were that religion causes hate, which i believe is very true and this is why he doesn't want to follow any religion of any kind. He had a wife and two children, who live in Colombo, where they went to school.

When we returned from the restaurant, we sat outside the hotel for a few hours talking. He helped us with a bit of trip planning. He told us we must visit his friends elephant sanctuary whilst we are here, we felt obliged to go because these were his friends. We arranged to visit the following morning.

Priyantha loved his hotel and his garden, especially the grass area, he told us everyday for several hours he just walks bare foot over the grass, to help with growth apparently. He had many stories about the people he had met at his hotel over the years and was grateful to meet us also. Told us about all his future plans and how he was going to extend the place.

The following morning we were collected by the elephant sactuary taxi transfer, and escorted to the location. When we arrived it all became clear it was all about money as we thought it would be. Srilankans are very friendly but when it comes to money, they believe that all western people are rich, i mean we are wealthier then they are i suppose , coming from a 1st world country, but i wouldn't class two backpackers as rich. Anyway we ended up paying for the entry price as we felt we had not much choice. We wanted to visit the orphanage not a sanctuary designed for tourists. The staff of the orphanage told us "their elephants" were well looked after, no chains with lots if freedom, the no chains part was true however the freedom part not so true. We got the opportunity to bathe the elephant, which was great. However when you think of how many tourists visit the sanctuary each day, you question is it neccessary for the elephant to have more than one wash per day for our entertainment. We also felt forced in to taking a ride on the elephant, they used the to elephant spray water at us, as instructed by the guide. The guy who was guiding the elephant had a stick, which he would use to scare the elephant when orders were not obeyed. The elephant looked thin and withdrawn. You could see the elephant had lost its spirit and way of life. It was all about getting through the day doing as the guides asked, in order to get a meal and not be harmed. We was happy for the experience to be over, but sad knowing that this life will continue for the poor elephants . This was a good experience for us, giving us a better understanding, why we should not use the animals for our benefits, they deserve a right to have a good quality of life like us.

After the sanctuary we hoped for a more positive elephant experience, so we visited the Pinniwala Elephant Orphanage as planned. Pinnawala Elephant Orphanage is located within the village itself, the orphanage is the home to many wild Asian elephants. The orphanage claims to be a place for injured elephants or elephants who have not made it in the wild and unable to survive alone. They are brought here to live in as their home. The orphanage was described as a open space for the elephants to wander, and be fed and cared for by the orphanage staff. The small fee to enter the orphanage is used to contribute to their care, which we was happy to pay, knowing it was used for the right reasons.

However as soon as we entered, alarm bells were ringing. The elephants were roaming much more freely than at the sanctuary, chain free, however there were many staff members using the elephants to take money from tourists. Telling us we could not take a picture unless we paid for them, we only wanted pictures of the elephants roaming freely we did not want to force them to do anything against their will. The guide then called the elephant to come over for pictures. This proved the point that the elephants were been trained to entertain the visitors. We went with the idea, the elephants would be free and enjoying life without having to please the public to line the workers pockets.

There was a place in the orphanage where visitors had the chance to feed the elephants fruit, which was an amazing experience because the elephants were getting great pleasure from it. The elephants would come at meal times and visitors could help with feeding. When the particular elephants had eaten enough they would let them go back to wander around whilst the other elephants could come for their chance to feed.

The lesson we learnt from our visit to the orphanage, was do not be fooled by what people tell you or what you read online, and are the orphanages actually benefitting the elephant or are they causing harm like the elephants used to perform or for people to ride.

We returned to our hotel for our final night at hotel, before departing the following morning, in the direction to Nuwara Eliya, up in the mountains.