#i wouldn’t hate if people actually used her majesty/your majesty pronouns for me

[narcissism-thoughts]

my pronouns are her/majesty

[genshinfanboy]

His Dearly Beloved.

|Hello everyone. An update I won't be taking requests for a bit. The requests I did have were deleted. My apologies please feel free to resubmit them when requests are open again. Anyways on to this one-shot. Please enjoy and as always feel free to change the pronouns to fit your own. Have a lovely day or night everyone.

Childe x GN! Fatui reader

Warning: There will be spoilers for Childe's story and story quest.

(Y/N) had known the eleventh Fatui harbinger for a long time. Long before he was known as Childe, or Tartaglia. They knew him before he had fallen into the abyss. The two had been very close and attached to one another. They were best friends. After Childe had become a harbinger it became rarer for the two to see each other. (Y/N) wasn't too fond about not seeing their best friend for what could be months away from each other. They used to be inseparable. (Y/N) remembers Childe's older siblings teasing their friend. They sent letters back and forth to each other. The day that they gained a vision was the day they would start training to work with Ajax. They knew being apart of the fatui wasn't the safest and people would look at them differently. The thought of being able to see Ajax got rid of their fear. They took a deep breath as they got ready for their exam. Their last letter to Tartaglia they said that they were preparing a surprise for him. They held a faint smile thinking about the other before heading to their exam. If the archons are on their side they should be reunited with their best friend in a few weeks.

Childe felt exhausted as he took a deep breath. He was feeling frustrated as his best friend had stopped send letters after they said they had a surprise being prepared for him. It had been three and a half weeks after all. He's received a letter from them every week without fail since he joined the fatui. He always sent one back. He wondered what was going on. He frowned at his desk he tapped his fingers on the desk. Not hearing from them worried him greatly. He knew how the world works. If something happened to the first person he fell in love with before he could take over the world, he'd kill whatever touched them. As he sat at his desk doing his paperwork he started feeling a bit antsy. He remembers the promise they made him when he left. They wouldn't break that if they had a choice. He wondered if he can manage to go home again. This time without worry about the nation of Liyue coming after him. Then he could go give them a piece of his mind or end whatever had harmed them. He really couldn't shake his worry. To top things off he was to be getting an assistant soon. He didn't need one. He had no clue what her majesty the Tsaritsa was thinking when she assigned him someone. He didn't need any help even after what happened with his Osial plan. He stood up and stepped away from his desk. He needed to engage in a battle or two to calm his nerves. He went to see if any debts needed collecting at the moment.

Childe was getting anxious about his friend. (Y/N) couldn't have dropped off easily. He wondered if they got involved with an archon. He'd fight all of the seven if he needed to get answer. His worries got put aside for a second. He couldn't believe his brother snuck all the way to Liyue. Keeping his brother from finding out what he actually does. He was running around with the traveler and Teucer. After all of the things that happened at the abandoned factor he had to ask the traveler to take Teucer back the bank. He didn't wish for his brother to see him in a weakened state. He made his way back there after resting a bit. When he is reunited with his younger brother he'll ask the younger about (Y/N). He hoped the traveler wouldn't ask too many questions about (Y/N). His brother was surely to make his feeling obvious. As he walked back to the bank he saw something unexpected. "Hello I am the person sent by her majesty the Tsaritsa herself. May I go fine the eleventh harbinger?" Childe froze as the person spoke. He knew that voice as well as he knew any of his siblings' voices. His mind ran with questions. "Master Childe is currently out with his brother. May I ask what your name is?" The receptionist said bring out the form from the Tsaritsa. She wished to verify the information. "Of course. My name is (Y/N) (L/N)." They said with a smile.

(Y/N) knew the protocol. They were given a special mask that they didn't have to wear all of the time. They were surprised to hear Childe was out with one of his siblings. They had visited his family before setting off to Liyue all of his siblings were accounted for or so they thought. He was told by Tonia that Teucer was out playing with a friend. Did that little rascal sneak off here? They couldn't help but smile. They knew the receptionist had confirmed their identity by now from the smile she held. "Is there anything that I may help with to help Childe before his return?" They asked. They noticed her start laughing. She pointed behind them. They turned around and saw their best friend. Their smile widened as they saw his shock. They also noticed Teucer with someone. Ajax must've trusted this person a lot to entrust his brother with them. They had fo admit they were slightly jealous as no one mentioned this person to them. Did Ajax fall in love while they were preparing to be by his side again? They couldn't shake the fear inside them that they had been replaced. The fear was pushed to the back of their mind when Teucer ran over to them. "Hey (Y/N)! My big brother told me that one day you two will get married is that true? I refuse. I like you way more than my big brother does. You should stay by my side instead. I haven't seen you for a while because big sister Tonia said you were going to be big brother's assistant. " Teucer asked. They definitely felt a heat rise in face. They saw Ajax rush over and picked Teucer up. "Now now Teucer that is quite the imagination. I never said I'd marry them. Also you little scam trying to get them to cut their trip here short. They probably got permission to come here unlike you. They just got here. I want to see them. You'll get to see them when they head back to Snezhnaya." They could tell he was nervously talking. They gave a small laugh. "Teucer is actually right about me coming here to be the greatest toy sellers assistant." (Y/N) said give their friend a soft smile.

Childe couldn't believe his brother said that. He knew his siblings all liked (Y/N) but he only expected that from his older siblings. They always joked about stealing the person he loved. Then he processed what his friend said. "We should talk about that later ok (Y/N) though I'd like you to meet my new comrade." Childe said. "No fair I wanna play with big brother, the nice person and (Y/N)." Teucer said. Childe shook his head no. "You need get home our family is surely worried about you Teucer. I already made arrangements for you to get home." He said. After a few hours he finally had a chance to speak with (Y/N) alone. He walked over to them and hugged them. "Do you know how worried I was? I didn't get anything from you for weeks. Then you show up like this? I was terrified something happened to you. You also broke our promise. You promised you'd keep in contact no matter what. I sent you several letters and got nothing back. I feared the worse happened. I was getting letters every week and then nothing for almost a month." Childe said holding onto them tightly.

(Y/N) put a hand on his shoulder. "Ajax loosen your grip or else you're going to crush me. I never broke our promise. I couldn't respond to you because I was in training. The moment I got a break I was already heading to Liyue. Ajax you have no idea how much I missed you. Feel free to hate me for saying this but I'm in love with you Ajax. Though I hope that doesn't happen. You mean so much to me. Though I guess I should call you Childe. Sorry for saying this so suddenly after we met again after so long. I just don't want to risk it if you get into a battle you can't win." (Y/N) said looking away with a deep blush. They slowly started trying to pull away from their long time friend. They felt themself being pulled closer to his chest. "I feel the same way (Y/N). Teucer must've read some poems I wrote for you forever ago. I thought they were all well hidden. I could never hate you but please don't make me worry like that again I thought something happened to you. You were my beloved childhood friend but now I hope that you become my beloved partner. I can't imagine anyone else by my side other than you. You need to be there when I take over the world." Childe said with a soft smile. They hugged him back finally. Their brain was in shock but they couldn't any happier. They burries their face into his chest. The two held each other close. They truly were his brother.

[d4rk3stn1ght]

My Love

Happy Holidays @missfay49 ! I was your gift giver this year for @sanderssidesgiftxchange and hope you enjoy your gift. Well the final one. I had some interesting ideas for yours with the list I was given and still have the drafts of them. Anyway enjoy!

Notes: Remus goes by it/its pronouns. Logan’s pronouns in this fic are star/stars. Janus goes by they/them. Roman’s just plain he/him

Ships: Roceit, background Intrulogical 

The masquerade ball, a perfect time for anyone to talk with the princes. The castle was alight with people from all over the kingdom attempting for his hand despite his disdain against things like this. He had actually fallen for someone but it would not fit with his parent’s agenda. So here he was beside his sibling, looking across the room of people. This was his scene but he has never felt so unwelcome. Girls in dresses fawning over him while closeted men watched him in awe. The straight jealous men glared at him as their girlfriends or wives watched with want. Prince Roman sighed heavily. 

His sibling was not fit for the throne so it was allowed to have the person it wanted, the royal scientist Dr. Logan Omair. Currently Logan was talking with a few other scientists but as soon as the ball truly started Remus would take star away to the labs to be given another experiment to try. Remus had become the doctor’s personal lab rat as long as it wouldn’t cause any physical damage or permanent disfiguration. Remus’ mask was black with dark green along with its outfit. It was wearing the ring to show it was currently unavailable.

Roman was jealous his sibling could have who it desired while he had to deal with the crowd of fake people. His own love would be killed for being here. They could change forms due to magic but were often referred to as the Dragon Witch. The one he was supposed to kill to maintain peace for generations to come. He sighed before spotting a familiar black and gold dress. It couldn’t be. The mask hid half of their face that was the same colors as the dress, elegant. He chuckled fondly at seeing them but refrained from moving just yet, even though his being screamed at him to go to them. They moved a gloved hand to their lips with a smile before heading out to the balcony. Roman nodded at the hint while looking towards his parents to have them begin the ball.

Once the announcement was made Roman dashed to the balcony where his love was waiting.

“Jan,” he spoke fondly at almost a whispers volume.

“Lovely to see you here my prince.”

“What are you doing here?” He moved his hands to take their’s.

“Are you complaining?” They tease gently.

“No, I’m just worried for you my dear,” Roman states sincerely.

“I know, but I can handle my own. Care to dance?”

“Only with you. Thank you for coming,” he moved to pull them into a gentle dance to the music flowing from inside.

“Of course. I couldn’t leave you here to fend for yourself against these hungry wolves,” they smile gently, “they would tear my poor handsome prince to shreds if I weren’t here.”

“I am not defensless!” Roman squaked indignatly at the insult.

“Here you are,” they state gently to ease the insult.

“No-”

“My dear you don’t have your sword and your guard is down.”

He sighed but pressed his forehead to theirs dejectedly, “I hate it when you’re right.”

“You love me anyway and I love you for everything you are,” they moved to press a soft kiss to his forehead.

Roman’s face tinted pink, “don’t start this tonight. I don’t want to be flustered or as red as my sash by the end of this evening.”

“I think you look dashing either way.”

“My love, please?”

“Perhaps some other time then?” They ask quietly.

“In my chambers or your place.”

“My how scandalous,” Janus teases in a laugh.

His face heats up as he almost yells, “not like that!”

“I’m only teasing, my sweet prince,” they move slightly closer to gently lay their head against his shoulder, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Roman returns mournfully.

“I missed having you beside me and the sweet tender moments before you had to leave me again.”

“Yes… though should I tell my parents I have chosen then we can have that more often.”

“Yes, I will also get to meet this sibling of yours that you rant so often about.”

He groans, “oh no. Double the magical trouble.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Janus almost grins at the idea.

“Make it triple.”

“Excuse me?”

“Logan would want to know.”

“Star already does,” they hum before kissing his jaw affectionately.

“What?” He looks at them with pure confusion and shock.

“Star isn’t completely human either, my sunlight.”

“That would explain a lot…”

Janus chuckles slightly, “I wish we could go to the garden.”

“Soon. I promise.”

“You need to tell your parents,” they remind him.

“I know. I’m not excited to listen to the complaints that I didn’t dance with everyone,” he shudders at the thought.

“It’s polite though,” Janus points out.

“That doesn’t make it any better to deal with.”

“I know but at least try.”

“I will. I will try but I cannot promise anything.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” he moves one of their hands to his lips to gently kiss their knuckles. He sets it back in the form as he led the next dance.

“Don’t want to let go?” They tease again.

“I really don’t,” Roman admits, ”I prefer having you in my arms to admire as we talk about our future or even just dance together. I would rather stay here with you and be able to kiss you again and again until we’re breathless. I want to wake up with you in my arms and not have to worry about you being hurt or killed. I like this. I want this. I want you.”

“Shhhh my love,” they cup his face gently with the mask hiding most of the small blush, “I know. Soon you will have that and more. You will get to wake up every morning with me by your side. I love you and you have me. However, think of this like a game. I am the treasure at the end but you need to dance your way out.”

“Are you serious?” He looks at them with a stranger look.

“Is it working?”

“Yes. I will see you soon my dear but I’m sure my mother will be here soon to talk to you. Be careful please,” Roman tries to puppy eye Janus who only chuckles at it.

“I will. You go have fun. I will be right here awaiting your return,” they put a hand to their forehead, mocking the girls inside and laughing at the motion. 

“Thank you,” they state before walking to the smaller gazebo in the middle of the garden before exhaling slowly. Tonight had been very stressful for them and it was almost over. They sat on one of the benches and watched the breeze blow through the rose bush. The garden was beautiful, much better than anything Roman could’ve ever described. Their favorite flower growing nearby Roman’s made it seem all the more romantic to them. It couldn’t ever beat the privacy of the meadow but it definitely topped the wildflowers. They looked up to the sky with a peaceful smile. The stars seemed to shimmer even brighter tonight but that might be due to the love and hope their heart felt.

They shake their head before looking over the balcony with a gentle sigh. Janus startled slightly at someone leaning against it beside them. They stood up and looked at their new guest, “oh, apologies, your majesty.”

“No need dear. My son seemed happier to dance with you.”

“Yes, I’ve seen him quite often lately.”

“Is he unhappy?” She asks with concern.

“With you or your husband? No. He just dislikes the tradition,” they try to ease her worries

“Ah, he’s stated that. You must be Jan then.”

“Yes ma’am,” Janus stiffens slightly before relaxing. Queen Rosa wouldn’t know.

“It’s lovely to meet you finally. I’m sure he’ll tell us that you’re the one soon.”

“I told him to try and dance with a few others,” they shake their head with a sigh.

“He has his heart set on you dear.”

“I know and I am happy for such but I would think he would still be polite,” they sigh exasperatedly.

“He’s trying but most here don’t know how to dance,” the comment from the Queen made them both giggle.

“That is true. I was pulled into one by a male that seemed to have two left feet,” they wince at the memory. They’ll need to ice their feet later but so would Roman.

“Where did you learn to dance?”

“Your son taught me mostly but also books and other ways to learn.”

“Fast learner?”

“Of course. Not as fast as Dr. Omair however.”

“Yes, that boy can learn things within five minutes of seeing whatever it is,” she shakes her head fondly at the memory.

“It’s commendable.”

“Yes it is. If you need anything at all you can come to me.”

“Thank you for the offer.”

“You’re welcome. I’m sure you’d like to wait in the garden for him,” Queen Rosa teases them slightly.

“If you don’t mind,” they sheepishly say.

“Of course not. The guard will take you there,” she motions one over, “take good care of him for me?”

“Of course. Thank you for your blessing,” Janus curtseyed their goodbye to the Queen.

She gave a nod before walking back to her husband. Janus followed the guard through the castle. They muttered a spell to check on the thoughts of the guard that held no malice towards them. They didn’t know about Jan being the dragon witch just yet. The guard stopped at the edge of the garden and motioned them in.

Janus sighs softly. What was taking him so long? There weren't any shots or explosions. Were the people inside refusing to leave? What was going on? They started to mutter another spell when the garden gate opened. They whipped around with a dagger and held it up against someone’s throat.

“Yes, a surprise. Not bad I promise,” Roman quickly adds on when he noticed the worry.

“Roman?”

“Your reaction time is getting quicker,” he chuckles before pointing the dagger away from his throat, “sorry it took me so long.”

Jan gives a huff of a laugh before hugging him tightly, “you blocked my spell.”

“I know! I didn’t think I could do that!” Roman excitedly exclaimed.

“Why did you block me? I thought something happened,” Jan hesitantly admits in a mutter.

“I couldn’t let you ruin the surprise.”

“The surprise?” They looked up at him from where they were holding him.

“I’m sure it can wait a little bit longer.”

“It can,” he started swaying them side to side as he hummed the previous song. Janus started humming along as they closed their eyes. Roman’s heartbeat was quick but steady but it helped just listening. He was okay, nothing happened. They let themselves relax slowly. Their shoulders slowly lowered from their tense posture as Roman continued to hum softly.

“Feel better?” Roman asks softly after a while.

“Mhm,” Jan confirms, “you still have a lovely voice.”

“Well thank you my love.”

“You said you had a surprise for me.”

“Darn. I thought I gave you enough time to forget.”

“Not this time,” they tease tiredly.

“Alright but you gotta let go.”

“Not yet,” they tighten their grip.

“Jaaan,” he whines.

“No. Suffer,” Janus jokes.

“You’re so mean to me,” Roman playfully pouts.

“I am not,” they gently booped him with a sleepy giggle.

“You’re sleepy.”

“Yes, but I won’t sleep until you tell me what the surprise is,” Janus stubbornly says.

“Then let go.”

“Fine,” they hesitantly let go of their lover who immediately moved to one knee with the ring and a smile.

“Oh you-” Jan cuts themselves off.

“Janus, my love, my stars, my everything ever since that one fateful day where you saved me from another dragon’s attack I knew you were the one. You have been nothing but loyal and real. You never let my title get in the way and you helped me see that there is good. Thank you for being here with me and by my side ever since that day. And I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”

Janus gave him a small teary smile, “of course I will marry you.”

Roman’s smile brightens as he slips the ring onto their finger and kisses them deeply that they happily return even when swept off their feet, not for the last time.

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

Royal Growing Pains - Chapter Twenty One

Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, sympathetic Deceit

Royal Growing Pains Tag

Roman and the King talked about little things that didn’t matter for another forty five minutes, at least. Just when the King was about to bring out a chess board, there was a knock at the door and Damien opened the door, a scowl looking suspiciously like a pout on his face. “Father,” he whined. “You know I want time with my fiancé, too!”

“Oh relax, Damien, we were just about to play chess!” Roman laughed. “And you’ve had several days with me. Your father and I have only had this afternoon!”

Damien sighed. “Fact remains, my dear. I want time with you, too.”

“Then you can join us!” the King said. “So long as you promise not to help Roman while we play chess.”

“I’m not good enough at chess to help,” Damien said, closing the door and walking over.

“Exactly why I don’t want you helping; I want to assess Roman’s skills on his own first,” the King said.

“Oh, great, I didn’t know there was going to be a graded test!” Roman laughed.

“Not graded, just a test in general,” the King said with a wink.

Damien pulled a chair over to where they were sitting and asked, “So, Roman, does it turn out your fears were unfounded?”

Roman glared at Damien. “Come on. Having anxiety about talking to people one-on-one isn’t uncommon, and I had never talked to your father for long before. I believe I had the right to be anxious.”

“I never said you didn’t,” Damien said. “I just asked if your fears were unfounded.”

“While unfounded may be true, Damien, you also have to remember that emotions play into anxiety just as much as facts do,” the King said. “So you might want to go easy on Roman. After all, from what I’ve gathered from when we’ve talked, he could very easily take you down and make you regret your words, should he so choose.”

Roman laughed as Damien made a surprised, choked noise. “Father!” he protested. “It was just teasing!”

“Teasing which was dangerously close to crossing a line, I suspect,” the King said. “Which is why I stepped in.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Roman said. “Especially considering it would have been difficult for me to explain exactly why the word ‘unfounded’ was bothering me.”

The King simply nodded and gestured to the chess board. “The board is set up, and you have the white pieces, you may start.”

Roman nodded and looked at the board with a frown, moving one of his pawns forward. The King did the same, and Roman brought out one of his bishops. The King responded by moving another pawn. Damien watched the game and the three of them chatted as they played.

Damien detailed the picking of the rings that afternoon, which the King nodded along to. Roman talked about that morning after a few questions from the King. He wound up going into a rant that took a solid half an hour and a majority of the chess gameplay to get through. “...And I hate the fact that even now, she still has power over me. It feels like no matter what I do, my mother will do her damnedest to ensure I can’t make any progress. I know that’s not true, logically. I can make progress, especially since I’m out of the country by the end of the week,” Roman said. “And yet, I’m still struggling to get through to the end of that week. Check.”

The King observed the chess board in surprise. “Well, what do you know?” he asked. “You’re rather good at chess, Roman.”

Roman preened under the praise as the King made his move. “Check,” the King said.

Observing the board, Roman saw that by moving the rook the way the King had, Roman was indeed blocked from attacking the king piece and in danger himself from getting captured. Roman took the rook piece, and replied, “Check,” as he cleared the way to the King’s pieces.

The King moved his piece one over to the left, which was exactly what Roman had hoped he’d do. He grinned as he moved his knight into the spot necessary to trap the king piece and crowed, “Checkmate!”

“Well done,” the King clapped. “You’re truly exceptional at chess, Roman! A worthy opponent indeed!”

Roman blushed. “Oh, it’s not that impressive,” he said.

“I would disagree,” Damien said. “My father is the one who taught me chess, and he’s one of the best players in the country, if not the best. I don’t know the status of his long-term rival.”

“Ah, Charles is sick in the hospital, but he’s still kicking,” the King said. “Which reminds me, boys, I really should call him and see how he’s doing. Would you mind waiting outside for a few minutes while I make that call? And then I believe it would be time for dinner, and all three of us could walk down to the dining room.”

“That’s fine by me. Roman?” Damien asked.

“Yeah, fine,” Roman agreed, and he stood with Damien and left the King to his own devices in the study.

Damien sighed once they were out in the hall. “I’m glad you get along with my father, all jokes aside,” he said simply.

“Yeah, he’s a really nice man, and you’re right; the two of you share a similar sense of humor,” Roman said.

“So, what was your initial talk about?” Damien asked. “Was it really about me?”

Roman thought back to his rant about Damien and fought the blush threatening to rise up on his cheeks. “Kind of...” he said. “It was about the whole situation in general. How I was holding up in this mess of a plan for an arranged marriage.”

Damien nodded. “Makes sense,” he said. “My father did seem concerned last night, and not just about your physical safety. When I was being told off for fighting your mother on your name and pronouns, my father not only said that I could have endangered you physically, but that your mother would most likely be doubling down on her position and that could damage your mental health as well. I should have seen him asking about how you were holding up as a given.”

“I mean,” Roman shrugged, “I didn’t see it coming either. Granted, I don’t know your father as well as you do.”

Damien nodded. “True. You wouldn’t be expected to. Most people seem to think that I can predict my father’s actions, however, and I most certainly cannot. Half of what he does is a mystery to me, and the other half that I understand is only because he explains his reasoning in the meetings we have, and I’ve grown to understand his strategy better over the years.”

Roman smiled. “I can’t imagine being expected to predict any of my family members’ behavior. If someone wanted to torture me, all they’d have to do is say I would get hurt if I predicted something wrong, and then made me make predictions about...any of my family, really. I understand my brother Remus the best, and I still get his actions wrong half the time because he is just genuinely off-the-wall unpredictable.”

Damien laughed a little and said, “Oh, yes. We’ve been texting most of the time you were with my father. I retreated to my room under the guise of ‘studying’ and we texted while I took notes for an upcoming essay. He has...quite the imagination. Quite a few gorey metaphors on my phone and in my head that no amount of brain bleach could cure.”

“Oh, yeah, he does that. If you ask him politely to stop he’ll cut back as best he can. Sometimes some slip through, but he never does it maliciously. He just genuinely thinks about blood and gore a tad too much,” Roman said.

“Good to know,” Damien said. “Next time he does something a little too much for me, I’ll ask him politely to stop.”

“You could ask him at any time, he doesn’t need an example of ‘too far,’ he’ll just ask you what sounds like too much and if you give him even vague descriptions he’ll respect it to the best of his ability,” Roman said.

“That is considerate, but for me, personally, he seems to be toeing the line of ‘too much’ rather than actually crossing it. I need to know whether or not I’m truly bothered by it before I ask him to stop.”

“Makes sense,” Roman said, nodding.

Damien offered Roman a small smile. “He talked about you a lot. Wanted to make sure that you were doing okay, and that your mother wasn’t killing you. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to ensure the second part, but hopefully he feels assured that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Yeah, my mother is killing me slowly, unfortunately. I should be able to last through the end of the week, though it won’t be easy,” Roman said.

“I’ll do everything I can to make it easier for you, my dear, you have my word on that.”

“I appreciate it,” Roman murmured.

Damien grinned like he was about to share a secret and Roman frowned. “What?” Roman asked.

“Did you really try to race Remus in high heels once?” Damien asked.

Roman groaned. “I will kill Remus! He swore he’d never tell!”

“According to him, he swore he’d never tell anyone except those who need to know for safety purposes. And I will say that if we were to ever race each other through the halls, I should know not to give you high heels to do it in,” Damien said.

“Of course he said that,” Roman growled. “I still beat him to the kitchen, even nearly twisting my ankle and falling down the steps!”

“Oh, he mentioned that too,” Damien said. “And I must say, my dear, your tenacity is as admirable as it is worrying.”

“Thank you,” Roman huffed. “I do try.”

The door to the study opened and they both looked over to find the King standing there. “Just spoke to Charles, and he said he might not be able to come to the wedding, but he sends his best wishes to the grooms.”

Roman blinked. “Not the bride and groom?”

“If he’s not coming to the wedding, he can’t spoil the surprise. So naturally I used your real name,” the King said easily.

Roman could feel tears forming in his eyes. “Oh, god, I didn’t expect to get so emotional over that,” he said, voice growing thick as he laughed. “That’s really...really nice.”

The King grinned and Damien offered Roman a smile. “It’s good to get your real name out there, then?”

“You have no idea,” Roman said. “Imagine if everyone just one day started calling you Jessica for no reason and refused to call you by anything else, and it was like they forgot your real name. And that’s what deadnaming is sort of like.”

Damien blinked, tilted his head to the side, and said, “I’m starting to fully grasp why you’re so miserable around your mother. Of course, the transphobia I understand on a factual level is distressing, but that metaphor gives me far more insight on the matter than I really...had before. And it’s not a pleasant thought.”

“Yeah,” Roman sighed, scratching his neck. “It’s exhausting.”

“Good thing we’re getting rid of your mother at the end of the week. And just say the word and on your wedding day I’ll throw her off the cliff,” Damien said.

Roman laughed. “Hopefully we can avoid throwing her off the cliff. I have no doubt she’ll be livid at the wedding, but here’s hoping that it won’t be bad enough that she needs to be escorted off the premises.”

“I might have her escorted off anyway, no matter what she does. She doesn’t deserve to see us be happy.”

Roman inwardly frowned at that. He had assumed that Damien would still be dreading the wedding itself. And yet, he said Roman’s mother didn’t deserve to see them happy? At the arranged wedding? What did that mean? Was Damien looking forward to the wedding? In more than just the sense that Roman would be out of his parents’ clutches? Roman was trying not to hope that Damien was implying he liked Roman, and was failing miserably at keeping that hope contained.

“Shall we get to dinner? I’m sure that your mothers are getting ready to come look for us in the next ten minutes,” the King said.

“Let’s get this over with,” Roman said, blowing out a breath. “The sooner dinner’s over the sooner I can relax in my room before going to bed, and I need some time to just lie around and not think.”

“Well, you might have to do some thinking,” the King said as they started walking. “After all, the both of you need to work on your vows.”

Damien and Roman groaned at the same time, Damien while pinching the bridge of his nose and Roman as he tilted his head back towards the ceiling. “I really wish the vows were over and done with,” Roman complained. “I wish we could have just gone the traditional route, it’s such a pain to try and come up with original ones.”

“Personal vows can be the cherry on top of a perfect wedding,” the King said.

“I doubt our wedding will be any kind of ‘perfect,’” Roman said. “Purely from a free will perspective, we’re already losing.”

“I don’t know,” Damien said, considering. “If you look at it from the perspective of a long con, it could be perfect. Convincing everyone around us that we’re in love for however long we’re together? That could be a fun sort of game, depending on how you look at it.”

“I don’t like looking at love like a game,” Roman said.

“Typically I don’t either, but it’s a small thing to think about to distract myself from the pressing matters that I don’t know how to handle,” Damien said with a shrug. “Besides, walking down the aisle, looking and feeling like James Bond doing some sort of undercover work could in theory keep my spirits up.”

“All right, I’ll allow it,” Roman said reluctantly. “But no joking about being in love.”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t make those jokes if you’re not allowed to make them,” Damien said simply.

“You two have an agreement to not discuss love?” the King asked, looking between the two.

“We have an agreement to not make jokes about love,” Roman corrected.

“It does nothing but make one or both of us feel worse about the situation, so we’re not going to press each other’s buttons and make us feel worse,” Damien added.

“Right,” the King said, but the look in his eye said that he had some opinion on the idea that he wasn’t going to spill easily.

Roman shrugged, stretching. “I mean, I don’t know about anyone else, here, but I find gay jokes to be infinitely more hilarious than jokes about loving someone else that don’t have a gay element.”

“You’re gay, of course you prefer gay jokes,” Damien scoffed. “There’s nothing remarkable about that, my dear.”

“Hey! I’m giving you insight into my kind of humor, and you’re just gonna say ‘not that remarkable’ and move on?” Roman asked indignantly. “You’re learning more about me! I thought you would appreciate that!”

“Roman, I’ve known you loved gay jokes since our first time alone when you were out to me,” Damien scoffed. “I’m not learning anything new about you when you say that.”

Roman huffed. “Well, is there anything about me that you want to know that I haven’t told you?”

Damien shrugged. “What’s your sense of humor, beyond puns and gay jokes?”

“Uh...” Roman considered. “I do like some irony, and slapstick in moderation can be funny. But by and large, it’s puns and gay jokes. That, and horribly mispronouncing words.”

“Oh, great,” Damien said. “So I’m getting married to someone whose humor didn’t develop past five years old.”

“Oh come on, you’re telling me that someone saying ‘dick’ instead of ‘deck’ isn’t funny?” Roman asked.

“I...no?” Damien said. “That’s just how some accents work!”

“Well, then, you’re no fun,” Roman said definitively.

“I’m plenty fun!” Damien said petulantly.

“Right,” Roman said sarcastically. “Because you have a sense of humor that’s just ‘too sophisticated’ for me.”

“No,” Damien said. “Because my sense of humor has developed past five years old, our humor won’t always match up, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be inherently fun.”

“I hope the both of you realize that you already sound married,” the King said innocently.

Roman stuck his tongue out at the King and Damien laughed. “That’s bold,” he said. “The last time I tried that I got tickled until I was sobbing.”

“The last time you tried that you were eight years old, and taunting me that I would never make you laugh so hard you’d cry,” the King said simply. “So I proved you wrong.”

“I still say that tickling me was cheating. If you’re getting tickled, you automatically laugh. It’s not genuinely funny,” Damien said sullenly.

“It is to me, who’s just hearing this story for the first time,” Roman said, giggling. “I didn’t realize that you pout so much, Damien.”

“I do not pout,” Damien said, crossing his arms and scowling.

“Well, your emotional responses seem suspiciously similar to a five-year-old’s right now,” Roman said with a shrug. “So between my humor and your emotions, it looks like we make up one whole kindergartener.”

Damien groaned. “I’m not five years old. I’m just tired.”

“Same difference,” Roman said with a shrug.

“I’m inclined to agree,” the King said. “You act the same right now as you did when you were five and exhausted.”

“Father!” Damien exclaimed, growing beet red. “That’s not helpful!”

“Actually, I find it very informative,” Roman said, smirking.

“I hate you all,” Damien grumbled as they walked into the dining room.

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