#i wouldn’t even call it abuse. that’s shit You’re saying. you just sucked man idk what to tell you

[strixhaven]

my mother loves to do this thing where she jokingly comments on my behavior saying stuff like “wow you act so skittish and secretive all the time. you guard your food like we’ll take it away from you. you act like you’ve been abused. you know you weren’t abused. you know that right?” like girl the fuck am i supposed to say to this and why is this. something you say so often.

[thatlovinfeelin]

Flightless Bird | six | Bradley Rooster Bradshaw

Synopsis: Josephine Wilson Miller is alone for the first time in her life. She got married after her first year of college and became a housewife, but that life is gone now. So she runs to San Diego, to her childhood best friend Jake, where she meets the man who could very well be her salvation.

series warnings: unplanned pregnancy, just pregnancy in general, talks of infertility. past mental and emotional abuse. anxiety. talks of women's reproductive systems (idk)

“Here,” Jose handed Jake a new stack of photos, “I had them print an extra copy for you.”

“Holy shit, it looks like an actual baby this time.”

Jake didn’t look up at her as he flipped the pictures over to look at the next. He was right of course, her baby was finally starting to look like a real baby. It wasn’t just a little blob on the scan anymore. She could see its little face and nose now. Little fingers and toes too. She could see her baby. Her baby.

“Lil turd wouldn’t turn around so the tech could see what it is though,” Jose frowned, “They want to try again week after next. Apparently I get even more appointments now that I’m further along. Oh, and I have to start figuring out the birth and all of that, which there aren’t many choices for me to make because I can’t deliver naturally thanks to all of that being a shitfest.”

“Guess I need to switch out the ones in my wallet now,” He smiled, “As far as everything else, you’ll have me there every step of the way if you need me. Supposed shitfest or not.”

“You always know how to flatter a lady, Jake,” Jose laughed.

“Oh hey, Phoenix wanted me to ask if it would be okay if she came over for girl time or whatever. She’s trying to give you space, but I swear that girl is turning into the energizer bunny now that she knows. You girls going into baby mode is terrifying.”

Jose laughed, hard, before throwing a pillow at Jake’s face. 

He was still on base when she got back from her twenty week appointment the day before, and she fell asleep before he made it home. Most days she was ready to turn in before the sun even went down. No one ever told her how tired she would be, although she supposed growing a human being was worth it. 

The ultrasound made it hard to tell, but she swore the little baby looked like her. She hoped it looked like her, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to deal with looking at a little Michael every day for the rest of her life. She would love it anyway, of course. Because secretly, all she ever wanted was to have a baby, even if she spent the last nearly ten years convincing herself otherwise. 

“You’re god awful,” Jose laughed, “Your godfather status is revoked.”

“Yeah okay, who else are you going to trust your child with?” He asked, “Exactly. No one. I’m still the godfather. So, sucks.”

He picked the other stack off of the counter and tacked them to the fridge with a magnet. He figured if Jose didn’t like that, she could take them down after he left for the day. He was still smiling as he went back to fixing his breakfast. Hell, he was so happy even the thought of flying against Mav and Rooster couldn’t bum him out. 

“So uh, while you’re all happy, how would you feel about me being friends with one of your coworkers? Or whatever you call each other?” She asked timidly. 

His smile turned to a know-it-all shit eating grin as he looked over his shoulder, “Oh, you mean whatever you have going on with Bradshaw? I’m not stupid.”

“How did you?”

“Oh Jose, sweetheart, you couldn’t be stealthy even if you tried. Plus, he’s been looking over this way like a love sick little puppy,” He laughed, “And he’s been in an unusually good mood since you showed up.”

“Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”

He shrugged with his back still towards her, “I’m not your keeper. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready. Out of all of the guys I’d work with, I’d rather it be Bradshaw. He’s a decent human being. Truth be told, he’s probably the best of us.”

She sighed and leaned back against the counter, “I’m goin to have to tell him soon.”

“You haven’t told him yet?”

She licked her dry lips, “He knows I’m married, and that Michael kicked me out…he just doesn’t know why. How could I tell him when I couldn’t even admit it? Is it wrong that I don’t want him to know?”

Jake turned around to face her, handing her a small bowl of freshly cut fruit, “Sweetheart, Bradshaw isn’t stupid. He’s going to find out sooner rather than later. You said it yourself a couple of weeks ago, it’s getting harder to hide. I mean, you look great, but you’re starting to look the part.”

She looked down at herself. He was right of course, and she knew it. Her stomach was slowly getting a more rounded look. She was warned by her doctors that she could pop any day now. Sweatshirts were doing very little to hide it. Soon there would be no going back. But she wanted to be selfish and keep the relationship she had with Bradley. She wished she could just keep her life separate from all of this. But she couldn’t.

“I’ll tell him tonight,” Her voice sounded so sad and small. 

Her husband threw her out for having his baby. Jake realized quickly, and yet not fast enough, that Jose thought Bradley would turn his back on her for this. But he didn’t know how he could convince her that he wouldn’t do that. The truth was, Jake didn’t even know if Bradley would stick around or not. 

Bradshaw never talked about wanting a family, and after all the shit he went through with his own, Jake could understand. After all, Bradshaw lost his father before he was old enough to remember him, and then lost his mom just as he was entering adulthood. Then whatever the fuck happened with Rooster and Maverick.

“Listen, sweetheart, whatever happens you have me and Phoenix, okay?”

She nodded, “I know. You should get to work, I don’t want you to be late.”

Three hours later, Jake was cruising the skies waiting for the greenlight from Mav. Phoenix and Bob were up with him, and not flirting with his girlfriend seemed to be harder than ever. Something about the way she was so undeniably supportive of Jose made his heart almost burst. The second he told her, all she wanted to know was if there was anything she could do to help. Natasha was worried about Jose, since aside from Jake, she was all alone in this. She automatically made Jake give her Jose’s number so she could text her and tell the other woman that she was there no matter what. Jake nearly cried at that moment. If he wasn’t sure before, he certainly was then, Natasha was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

“Alright Bagman,” Phoenix’s voice came over his radio, “Be alert, alright? Don’t need you getting us killed.”

He laughed and looked down at his control panel. Like many other pilots, he always kept a couple of pictures with him when he flew. The latest ultrasound was now in his cockpit too, replacing the old one. He smiled just looking at it, one day maybe he would be able to take the baby flying. Maybe they would fall in love with the sky too, or maybe they’d prefer the ground like their mother. 

“Let’s get this party started,” Rooster’s amusement was evident, “What do you think Mav?”

“Good morning aviators,” Maverick’s voice rang out, “Fight’s on.”

All of the pilots were laughing once they reached the ground. There was no real winner during the exercise. Jake, Phoenix, and Bob gave Rooster and Mav a real run for their money. Before he got out of his plane, Jake carefully tucked all of his pictures carefully in the top pocket of his flight suit. 

“You know, Bradshaw, I should be really fucking pissed at you,” Jake told the slightly older man, “Jose was supposed to be off limits. But damn she’s smiling too much to be mad.”

“So you aren’t going to beat the shit out of me?” Bradley questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

“Not today it seems,” Jake shrugged, “Just don’t fuck this up. That’s all.”

“Hey, Hangman, still on for dinner tonight?” Phoenix asked as they all made their way to the locker rooms. 

“Damn right.”

“Good! Don’t forget to tell Jose I’m coming,” Phoenix warned, “And I’m cooking.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Oh c’mon! Phoenix gets to be friends with her but the rest of us can’t even look at the poor girl?” Coyote nearly whined. 

“Shut up man, not worth the fight,” Payback warned. 

The rest of them went through their routine of showering. Jake tucked the pictures into his locker while we went to the shower stalls. The guys were giving each other an endless amount of shit, just as they had for nearly six months now. After the uranium mission, the Navy moved to make them a permanent squadron, suddenly their orders in Miramar were permanent. Jake liked being here though. He liked the family they created during their training for the mission. Before Jose showed up, they were really the only family he had around. 

He just hoped what Jose was going to tell Bradshaw tonight wouldn’t ruin it.

“Hey man you dropped this,” Bradshaw said as Jake was cleaning up around his locker. 

Jake turned around, already holding his hand out when he froze in place. Out of all of the pictures he could’ve picked up. 

“Fuck man, who’s is this? Sure as hell isn’t Phoenix because she wouldn’t be flying.”

Jake couldn’t say anything. Bradshaw could easily look at the top and see Jose’s name. It was only a matter of time. Jake caught himself silently praying to whatever god would listen to him, just don’t let Bradley see before Jose could tell him. God, Josephine would literally kill Jake. 

“Seresin,” Bradshaw said a little more sternly, “Why the fuck do you have an ultrasound in your locker? And who the fuck does that belong to?”

The rest of the group seemed to gather around the two men. Nothing like this happened since the days leading up to the mission when Jake used Bradshaw’s father against him. Jake apologized so many times to Bradley after the mission was over. He didn’t want to be known as that jackass. 

“Bradshaw,” Jake pleaded, truly sounding like he was in pain, “Please, man, please.”

Bradley looked down at the ultrasound picture once again, finally looking at the shape of the little baby and then scanning the line of information at the top. He took a step away from Jake, “Fuck.”

Jake could see it, the moment Bradley finally realized. Because Bradshaw’s face hardened. His stance became less relaxed. Jake swore Bradley Bradshaw turned to stone, which scared him more than anything else. 

“Fuck you,” Bradley spit, throwing the picture at Jake before turning around.

Jake turned to face the rest of the group, they were all stunned. Maybe even more than stunned. None of them moved, almost as if they were afraid to. Hell, Jake was scared to move. He knew he should text Jose and tell her, or maybe call her so that she’d know. But he couldn’t move. Fuck he just messed everything up. 

Jose was waiting on the bench at the park, feeling more nervous than she did when she told Michael. She fixed her sweatshirt just enough that he wouldn’t be able to see her little bump, not without really looking for it. She had the ultrasound pictures in her pocket. Truth be told, she hadn’t been able to stop looking at them all day long. She was starting to really feel connected to the little thing. She could feel the tiniest little movements now too, although she was never really sure if it was gas or the little one saying hello. 

“Okay, I need you to listen to me,” She said to her stomach, “I love you, more than my own life. But I think I really care about him too. But if he isn’t good enough for you, he won’t be in our lives, okay? You are more important than any man could ever be. I won’t be like my mother.”

She gently rubbed her hand over her stomach, feeling the little fluttering again, “Okay, glad we’re on the same page.”

She kicked her legs as she waited, unable to sit still. Bradley promised he would meet her as soon as he got off base, which should be any minute. He texted her when they were done for the day. She wished he would hurry up though. Because good lord she felt like she was going to throw up.

Jose was scrolling through social media when Bradley came stomping towards the park. She looked so beautiful, hair blowing in the gentle breeze. He tried not to think about her like that. He felt betrayed, enraged. But she seemed to glow in the late afternoon sun. Or was she glowing for another reason?

“You’re pregnant?” He demanded once he got close enough. 

Jose nearly dropped her phone as she stood. Though she moved so quickly that she became dizzy, causing her to grip onto the back of the bench. In front of her, stood a very disheveled Bradley. His chest was heaving, and the way he was looking at her made her heart sink and break all at the same time. 

“I-”

“It’s a simple question, Josephine. Are you fucking pregnant.”

He didn’t use her full name like that. Filled with…hate. She could see it in his eyes. He wasn’t looking at her like he had these last weeks. If looks could kill, she would already be dead. 

“Bradley,” Her voice broke. 

“You are, aren’t you? Were you ever going to fucking tell me? Huh?”

She could feel herself shrinking under his stare. Twenty-one weeks. She didn’t tell him for nearly ten of those weeks. Two months. Two months of meeting at the park, or sitting on Jake’s front porch. She swore she was going to be sick. 

“I didn’t know how to tell you.”

He scoffed and turned around. His shoulders were tight. He wasn’t the carefree man she’d come to know..the man she liked or maybe even somehow loved. She could nearly feel the anger radiating off of him. But what she couldn’t see was the fact that he was struggling on the inside not to cry. 

He wanted to break, but he wouldn’t do it here. Because he cared more about her than he could put into words. He trusted her with stories of his childhood that he hadn’t told anyone else. He spent more time with her than he did the team. She made him smile, she made him relax. Yet, she lied this entire time. She hid something from him, something bigger than either of them. 

“You should have fucking told me,” He still didn’t turn around, he wouldn’t back down. 

“I was going to tell you!” Her voice sounded like she was begging, it nearly weakened his resolve, “I was going to tell you tonight, I just…I didn’t know how I felt about it until a couple of weeks ago and I just- I swear Bradley I was going to tell you.”

“Well, fucking Seresin beat you to it when he dropped your damn ultrasound picture for everyone to see,” He hissed, turning back to face her. 

He tried so hard not to break at the sight. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach, as if to protect the little thing inside. Her eyes were red from the tears that were falling down her cheeks. He was doing this to her. 

He swore somewhere, faintly in the background, he could hear his mother yelling at him. His father threatening to beat some sense into him. It was like their voices floated on the wind. His fists clenched, he wanted to hit something because at least then he would be feeling actual physical pain instead of this ache so deep in his chest. He almost couldn’t stand it. 

“I’m sorry,” She cried, reaching for him. 

He took another step away, moving out of her reach. His heart broke again at the sound she made. The near wail as she collapsed down onto the bench. He knew he needed to stop and support her. God, he knew that there was so much going on that he didn’t and couldn’t understand. He knew, he fucking knew, yet he couldn’t make his body move. His jaw and fists were clenched so tight they hurt. He was sure his nails were somehow biting into the skin of his palms even though they were too short to even be considered nails. 

“I tried,” She cried, holding herself, “I picked up the pieces once. I did it when he threw me out because I wanted this….I can’t do it again. I can’t Bradley.”

He cursed and walked a few steps away. He couldn’t think, because the sound of her crying reminded him so much of his own mother. Suddenly he was a little boy, watching his mom cry herself to sleep everyday because his dad was gone. He was helpless, only this time it was his fault. 

He could hear her apologizing over and over as she cried. To him, to herself…he didn’t really know who. She was curled in on herself, almost near a ball on the park bench. Whatever rage was left vanished at the sight. His body turned to jello as he nearly ran to her side. 

He scooped her up in his arms, not sure if she even had the energy to fight. She curled into him, clutching onto his shirt. The apologies didn’t stop though, not as he rocked her in his arms like a child. Like the child she would inevitably rock in a few months. He could feel the swell of her stomach against him, he tried not to think about it. Not as he tried to soothe her. 

“It’s okay, I got you,” He shushed her, slowly running a hand through her hair. 

She was still clutching her stomach with one hand, saying she was sorry over and over again. That’s when he remembered all the things she said about her mother, how there was a constant parade of men and double standards. How the woman never put her daughter first. But most of all, how Jose said she was afraid she was becoming just like her mother. She was afraid of that because she was pregnant, and because he was in her life. 

The ache in his chest worsened, because he realized she was telling him all along, in her own way. She was always so careful about what she said, always seemed to change the subject when she gave too much information. She was guarded when it came to her life before San Diego, and it was because of this. 

She told him once that Michael kicked her out because their lives didn’t align anymore. That they wanted different things, and something about him making a decision for them at some point that she wanted nothing to do with. He kicked her out because she was pregnant. God, Bradley felt like an asshole, because here he was practically doing the exact same thing. No wonder she seemed so broken. He broke her. 

“I’m here,” He whispered to her, holding her tighter, “I promise, I’m here. I’m sorry I yelled at you, but I’m right here. I won’t leave you.”

[cinnaminsvga]

body of mine | Seokjin (M)

→ summary: It’s the night before Seokjin’s birthday and you, his ever-reliable witch slash roommate, have accidentally forgotten to get him a gift. Good thing you know magic then, right? Ten wishes shouldn’t be too hard to handle…

{or alternatively: learning the importance of living a marie kondo lifestyle, but in hindsight}

→ genre: shifter!au, magic!au, humor/crack, smut → warnings: jin is your magical hamster familiar, jin is chaotic (ofc), magical mischief that only zee could come up with, aphrodisiac sex, penetrative sex, oral (f receiving), slightly rough sex, dom!jin if you squint, hair pulling, jin doesn’t wrap up his peepee (pls practice safe sex u guys), dirty talk, breeding kink?? → words: 16.9K → a/n: IDK WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL POST BUT HERE IT IS!! IM SO SORRY BUT HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY @jincherie​ PLEASE IM GOING TO CRY I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS (pls send me your thots i suffered greatly for this fic i’m actually dying appa yip yip)

Whoever told you that keeping a hamster as a familiar was a good idea must have been an idiot.

It’s you – you are the idiot. Every one of your friends had warned you about the little vermin. They had begged you to kick him out the moment you found him taking a hamster-sized dump on your prized foxgloves.

You’d been in the middle of pruning the yallows in your garden when you heard a tiny squeak! to your right. When you pushed the foliage away, you saw a small hamster, cheeks puffed up with its little fists clenched by its sides, as pellet after pellet of tiny shits were pushed out of its tiny ass and onto your plants.

You brought him into your home, already making up your mind that you’d keep him as a pet. You have been feeling a bit lonely these days; surely, a tiny little hamster won’t be too much of a problem to take care of, right? You’re so excited that you even invite your friends over to behold your newfound darling.

“I’m going to kill that tiny bastard,” Yoongi hissed the moment he made eye contact with the hamster, his pupils dilating and fluffy cat ears tensing, ready to attack. You could see his claws begin to extend, so you made sure to place your new friend out of his reach. Lucky for you, Yoongi had the arm span of a toddler.

“Oh, c’mon! He’s so fucking cute though,” you cooed, tickling the hamster’s belly. It squeaked happily, nudging your finger to scratch the underside of its ears. Yoongi hissed at it from behind Namjoon’s back, his fingernails digging painfully into the gentle giant’s shoulders. The bespectacled witch didn’t even seem to bat an eye.

“Y/N, I’m all for keeping magical pets and whatnot, but I have to agree with Yoongi… That hamster has too much bastardous energy,” Namjoon said, wincing when the hamster begins munching on the sleeves of your cloak in earnest. You continued to squeal in delight, positively endeared by the cute little ball of fur in your palms.

Due to your magical abilities, you had sensed that this little hamster had magic in his veins and you guessed that he must have either been a shifter or an intellectually augmented animal. You guessed that he’s the former, much like how Yoongi is a cat shifter as well. Ever since Namjoon had befriended Yoongi and the two became partners, you admit that you’ve always been a little jealous of their natural camaraderie. You had long since yearned for someone who could assist you in your magical apothecary, but more importantly, someone you could share your time with.

You were optimistic; perhaps when the little hamster learned to shift into its human form, then you could truly begin your journey towards friendship. You’re sure that the man behind the hamster must be just as cute and lovely.

Speaking of learning to shift—

“What? You mean me?” Yoongi asked, craning his head over Namjoon’s shoulder, his curiosity getting the better of him but still remaining a safe distance away from you and the hamster. “What about learning to shift?”

“Did you just learn one day? I want to get Mr. Hamster over here to turn into a human so I can speak to him,” you explained, but the cat shifter narrows his eyes distrustfully.

“I don’t want that vermin to gain the ability to speak. I can just tell no one is going to enjoy what he has to say,” he sniffed. He growled lowly, the sound so deep and feral that you are momentarily disarmed by his hostility. Namjoon had to rub the back of his ears for a second, forcing Yoongi to calm down until his growl softened into a purr.

“Well, Yoongi can’t control his shifting abilities quite yet. I have to… forcibly change him, if you will,” Namjoon explained, watching Yoongi with loving eyes as he gently nuzzled his head into the witch’s hand. He beckoned you closer and you took a tentative step forward, keeping the hamster behind your back just to be safe. “Watch,” he said simply, as his hand trails lower and lower until it reached the back of Yoongi’s neck and he–

Poof! Namjoon simply tickled the back of Yoongi’s neck and a puff of purple smoke revealed a munchkin cat in its wake. His soft gray and white fur bristled in surprise, his teeth bared at Namjoon as he meowed in contempt. Namjoon ignored all of this, gently picking up the tiny cat and cradling him in his arms like a baby. Immediately, the shifter relaxed, eyes closing contentedly as he burrowed deeper into Namjoon’s chest.

“Woah,” you said, for lack of better words. You shook your head, gazing at the two in wonder. “I didn’t know Yoongi has a fucking eject button.”

“Yep. I sure hope you don’t abuse this knowledge, by the way,” Namjoon warned, but the mischievous gleam in his eyes told you that he probably wouldn’t mind if you did. Knowing you, there was no question that you’d take any and every opportunity to annoy the cat shifter. “If this hamster is the same, then surely it has a similar tick. Since it’s small too, I’m sure it’ll be easy to find its spot.”

“Speaking of,” you piped up, staring curiously at him. “How… did you find out where Yoongi’s spot was? Didn’t you meet him as a human?”

Namjoon shrugged, but there’s a soft pink tint coloring the tops of his ears. “Umm… Coincidence?”

You squinted at him. “Sure,” you agreed, not wanting to know why he seemed so embarrassed. You turned back to the furry matter at hand, lips pursing as you gazed upon the hamster. Surely, there should be an easy way to figure this out…

You began to roll the small hamster in your hand like a pancake, twisting and pulling the lil guy until it started squeaking in protest. You made sure not to handle it too roughly, so you were a bit surprised at how dramatically the hamster was screaming. “Just another moment, baby…” you murmured. At the sound of the pet name, the hamster paused in its squirming, staring wide-eyed at you with its tiny mouth ridiculously agape. You arched a brow, amused at the aghast expression on its face.

“Well, that settles it. You’re definitely human, by the looks of it,” you commented, poking it lightly on the nose. The hamster scrunched up its face just as a soft pink smoke started to envelop its tiny body. You coughed harshly, your sinuses tickled by the strong scent of caramel and mint. “W-well, I think I found its spot,” you pointed out helplessly, eyes watering as you tried to keep them open.

The hamster’s body was growing ridiculously hot, forcing you to drop it on your kitchen counter. You hissed, sucking on your burned appendages as you wait for the smoke to subside. Beside you, Namjoon had Yoongi held tightly in his arms, his back turned away to keep the smoke away from their faces. “Y/N, get some clothes quickly. He’s going to be cold when he finishes transforming,” was all he said, his free hand covering his nose. “This is probably going to be its first shift in a while!”

You’re still completely flabbergasted, frozen in place. “What?” you replied dumbly, standing stock still as you waited for the smoke to dissipate. As more and more of it cleared, you noticed two pairs of long legs where there originally had been none. You waved your hand a bit, fanning the remaining fumes away from your nose, allowing you to gaze upon a very naked and very tall man sitting primly on your kitchen counter.

You and the man stared each other down, neither of you blinking nor backing down. After a few moments, the man smiled brightly at you, his cheeks bunching up much like how he did in his hamster form. “Hello, human,” he greeted, extending a hand towards you. You took it dazedly, still staring wide-eyed at him. “My name is Seokjin. I suppose this means I’m going to be your familiar from now on.”

Your gaze traveled downwards, your hands still clasped together with his. “You’re naked,” you said plainly.

He followed your gaze. “I suppose I am,” he mused, shrugging his shoulders. He was incredibly wide; it almost made no sense that he was a hamster just a few seconds ago. What did he do, bench press sunflower seeds all day? “I am also incredibly beautiful, but we can continue stating the obvious another day.” He released your hands, clasping them together with a beatific smile. “C’mon, human! Bring me your finest garments because my handsomely sculpted testicles are starting to shrivel up from the cold.”

Behind you, you could hear Yoongi hissing loudly in response.

And from that day forward, your adventures of living with the biggest nuisance in the world had begun.

x x x x x

[December 3, 11:39 PM]

Okay, maybe calling him a nuisance is a bit too mean… He’s not that bad. Although, you are sure that Seokjin would have gladly nipped you in the tit if he ever found out you thought so lowly of him. Which you don’t.

Usually.

Except when he’s being annoying, which is all the time. For example:

“Stop fucking biting, you little furball,” you grouse, flicking the hamster in the stomach. He gasps in response, or at least, you assume he had gasped since hamsters don’t exactly have the same vocal cords that humans do. What you do know, however, is that Seokjin seems particularly adamant to be irritating tonight, despite your numerous threats to snip his tiny hamster balls should he continue to pester you.

Unfortunately, none of your usual intimidation tactics work, thus prompting you to grab the small rodent and squeeze him like a squeaky toy. (And what do you know—he even squeaks like one too!)

“Will you stop bothering me? You know I’m busy.” You squint angrily at him, scowling when Seokjin looks back at you with faux innocence. This lil bitch wouldn’t know innocence if it shoved a finger up his ass! “You’ve been more annoying than usual. You even tried parkouring over my herb bottles even though I’ve told you numerous times that’s off limits!”

You feel only slightly bad for scolding him; after all, you are in the midst of preparing a particularly difficult potion for one of your clients tomorrow. Seokjin knows this, and you even specifically told him not to bother you until you finished for the night. While he often did like to interrupt your work for “life or death situations” such as “cuddling��� or “spoon-feeding him some pudding,” he usually leaves you alone to do your work when you’re faced with tougher jobs. Today doesn’t seem to be the case as he nibbles ferociously on your sleeves, desperate for you to listen to whatever nonsense he wants to convey.

Rolling your eyes (albeit you admit you do it out of fondness), you gently take the little hamster into your hands, placing him on your kitchen floor. You make sure the stove for your potion making is turned off before you turn back to him, honking his button nose and waiting for him to shift completely.

Since it’s no longer his first time shifting, it only takes Seokjin a few seconds to transform into his human self, his large frame quickly taking up most of the space of your cramped kitchenette. He accidentally bumps his head into one of your hanging potted plants, causing him to yelp in surprise rather than actual pain. He glares pointedly at your orchids before switching that ire onto you, his normally saccharine brown eyes filled with thinly veiled contempt.

“Took you long enough,” he sniffs, poking you not-too gently in the cheek. He folds his arms, appearing to you like a child throwing a tantrum. “Well?”

You raise a brow, covertly turning on your stove once more to resume your potion-making. “Well what?” you say, stirring your small cauldron from the corner of your eye. Seokjin halts your movements instantly, pulling your arm away and half-dragging you towards your living room.

“H-hey! That potion is really sensitive, so let me go—”

“It’s almost midnight,” is all he says before dumping you unceremoniously on your old sunken couch. You grunt from the impact, but he doesn’t apologize for his gruffness (as he never has). You peer up at him, scowling slightly at his unexpectedly cryptic remark.

“And so? This potion is due for pick-up in two days and I’ll need to steep it for another 24 hours before I can even think to package it–”

Instead of replying, Seokjin takes his phone out of his pocket and thrusts the screen towards you. You look at it in confusion, confronted with the sight of his lock screen without any explanation. “It’s… 11:43?”

He rolls his eyes, though you notice a slight hint of disappointment clouding his expression. “And what about the date?” he pushes, lips pursed thinly into a line.

He’s trying to get you to understand without saying it outright – a habit of his that he’s acquired ever since he started hanging out more with Yoongi. Though the two are hardly considered friends, even Seokjin has to admit that being near the cat has caused him to pick up a thing or two, with his tsundere tendencies being one of the first.

You, on the other hand, are forced to play along with his antics. You know that it is December 3. As you try to rack your head for anything you might have missed, you’re pretty sure you’ve accomplished all your chores for today, save for the current potion brewing for the customer coming in two days. You think back on your day, listing off all the things you had done.

You had met up with Namjoon to pick up more herbs from his shop, you delivered more mana potions to the local apothecary, you passed by the street market to buy more sunflower seeds for Seokjin… What on earth could you be forgetting?

“I sincerely hope you’re joking, you know.” Seokjin interrupts your train of thought, breaking you from your trance. When you look back at him, you find that his annoyance has cleared. Hurt replaces his expression, his bottom lip trembling slightly as he waits for you to realize.

When it appears that you won’t be noticing anytime soon, he heaves a heavy sigh, eyes closing in defeat. His voice cracks when he says, “Fine. It’s fine. Whatever. I’ll just… Go to my room. Don’t worry about breakfast tomorrow because I’m gonna sleep in.” And with that, he swivels away from you, shoulders hunched forward as he quietly makes his way to his quarters.

Left shocked and even more puzzled, your gaze is stuck where he had just been moments ago, anxiety and guilt rising in your chest as you try harder to remember what it is that caused Seokjin to shut you out like that. In your seven months of living together, not once has he ever looked so dejected, as the handsome shifter often liked to push your buttons and tease you whenever you mess up. This is clearly not like the other times, so whatever you forgot must pertain to Seokjin himself.

“Am I missing something? Did I forget to season his dinner again?” Although it is entirely too plausible that you did, you highly doubt Seokjin would be that upset at having a bland meal. So what else could it…?

Just as you’re about to give up and beg Seokjin to tell you what you had forgotten, your phone beeps, a new text from Namjoon arriving just in time. You flick it on, your brain taking a moment to fully grasp the words you were trying to read.

from: joonieboobie to: y/n

hey y/n! are you gonna spend the entire day with seokjin tomorrow? yoongi and i figured that you’d do something special for him on his bday, so tell seokjin that we’ll treat him to a birthday dinner the next day instead. don’t have too much fun, okay? use protection LMAO

Shit.

You gasp suddenly, hand flying to your mouth as horror washes over you. Did Namjoon just say… bday?! Now that he mentions it, you realize that today is December 3rd, which means…

“Tomorrow is December 4th,” you whisper to yourself. You jump out of the couch, scrambling towards your kitchen at a wicked pace. Sweat begins to form at the back of your neck as you run over to your wall calendar, where lo and behold, tomorrow’s date is circled in blood-red ink. Circled by you, even. Holy shit holy shit holy shit–

No wonder Seokjin was so hurt. You’re a terrible, foul, no-good witch! The absolute worst person in the world! How on earth could you forget your own familiar’s birthday?

“Jesus fuck, I’m screwed,” you groan, slumping over your kitchen counter in defeat. You don’t even care that your potion has long since boiled over—not when you’ve already made a bigger mistake just now. God, you’re such a clumsy bitch; what’s the point of being a potion maker who helps cure other people’s maladies if you can’t even fix your shortcomings?

“I can fix this. I can fix this. I can—” You chant this multiple times to yourself as you rush to your nearby bookshelf, pulling out every book you own to find a last-minute gift idea. Surely, there’s something in these books that can help you make it up to Seokjin, right? You’ve made almost every potion there is under the sun, surely there is something you can brew that can bring back the smile on your lovably goofy familiar?

You’ll pour over all of these books if you have to. Despite your forgetfulness, your love for your familiar rings true; you would do anything for him, whatever he might ask.

A thought passes through your mind, but you shut it down for now. A last resort, you think grimly to yourself. You have a few hours left before he wakes up, after all. You’ll find something, you’re sure.

x x x x x

[December 4, 9:14 AM]

It turns out you do not find anything, after all. A halo of books surrounds you on your living room floor, your worn fingers littered with papercuts and ink stains after spending the whole night looking for a suitable gift for Seokjin. Everything just seems too regular to be a gift, though you suppose you’re only picky because you know that Seokjin is pickier. He’d whine for days if you gave him just any gift, and nothing grinds your gears more than having a sulking hamster eating the plants in your garden.

“Grandeur,” you can imagine him saying, nose upturned in that snooty way of his. “I require the most exquisite of presents. I, after all, am above peasantry. I cannot even stand the taste of wooden chopsticks upon my silver tongue.”

Frankly, you have no idea how he’d gotten to become such a prick so haughty, given that you know that he used to live on the streets before he had met you. Regardless, you’ve always been the type of person to be a little too forgiving, so your patience for his irritating unorthodox personality is stronger than most.

Although it might not be immediately apparent to most observers, the two of you make for a perfect pair. You are the calm to his storm, the logic to his insanity, the yin to his dumbass yang. While it’s easy to say that you hold the short end of the stick when it comes to living with Seokjin, he also grounds you and keeps you from pushing yourself too hard. There have been many long nights in the past when you would be too absorbed in your work, not even remembering to eat or drink for days. All it takes is a soft poke or nibble from Seokjin to jolt you back to your senses as he reminds you time and time again that your life matters not only to you, but him as well.

He’s your familiar. Your sweet, foolish, annoying, narcissistic familiar. It really might have been fate for you to have met all those months ago in your garden, though you’d never tell him that. He’d be much too smug about it if you did, as he never did shy away from proclaiming that he was your knight in shining armor or something.

Which is all the more reason that you fear for your life now that you’ve run out of options for his birthday present. He’d never let you hear the end of it, and you can only imagine how a vengeful and spiteful Seokjin might be compared to his normal self.

You sigh dejectedly, closing your last book and shoving it across your living room floor. “This is my fault for forgetting,” you say, rubbing your temples with a grimace. Of all the times your forgetfulness could fail you, you certainly would have hoped that this would not be one of the times when it did. You must remember to ask Namjoon to restock the ingredients needed to make more head clarity potions, though you suppose you might end up forgetting to do that as well.

Every potion in your arsenal of knowledge just wouldn’t work out for Seokjin, or at least you think so. The potions are either too useless or too useful, with the latter being a bigger problem. As much as you like to tease Seokjin for his hamster-sized brain, he did have his cunning moments. You dread to wonder what type of mischief he might come up with should you give him, say, a 24-hour luck potion.

“Though I suppose he wouldn’t be able to take over the world in 24 hours… Could he?” Even as you say it, you know in your heart of hearts that he absolutely can and will. Fucking bastard that he is.

With no other options viable to you, you did have one last trick up your sleeve. You might even say this option is worse than a 24-hour luck potion, though you will be making sure that he has adult supervision while he, erm, utilizes this gift of yours. This last-minute gift idea of yours is famous amongst your circle of friends, mostly because you do have a penchant for forgetting numerous birthdays and anniversaries in the past.

You’re usually quick to resort to this last-minute gift whenever you forget someone’s birthday, as you trust that your friends would never misuse your kindness in any way. But like most things, Seokjin is a different case entirely. As you have mentioned before, Seokjin… has ways of getting whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Added with the fact that you were unquestionably whipped for his hamster ass, he most often can get you to do things that aren’t what most would consider being “morally sound.” You may love him, but you certainly don’t trust him.

Long story short, you are slightly terrified of giving him ten wishes for his birthday. Ten wishes that will allow him to ask you to do anything for him, as long as they’re within your abilities of course. If anyone were to find out that you were even considering offering wishes to Seokjin, much less ten wishes, you are sure that they would throttle you for the premeditated mass destruction of the human population.

Which is why you’re going to have to make some rules for the little rodent, and hope to all the deities up above that he doesn’t find a loophole of sorts. Hopefully.

It’s nearing 9:30 AM when you manage to muster up enough courage to tiptoe noiselessly into his room, not bothering to knock as you know that he will most likely ignore you. Your heart pangs when you see him curled up into a ball in his bed, still in his human form as you had not been able to transform him back into a hamster before he had stormed off the night before. He has his back turned away from the door, but you know he’s awake when you hear his muffled sniffles. Your previous trepidation is replaced with guilt immediately, causing you to lower your head in shame.

“Seokjin? Sweetie?” You say his name hesitantly, unsurprised when the shifter refuses to look at you. You pad softly towards his bed, your knee digging into the soft mattress but not daring to come closer. You want desperately to cuddle with him in bed, always having appreciated his higher body temperature, especially during the colder months.

“I’m so sorry for forgetting your birthday, Seokjinnie. I know I’m a big fool for forgetting such an important day, but I really hope you can forgive me,” your voice grows softer the more you speak, dropping to a whisper by the end of your sentence. The room is silent, save for the sound of Seokjin’s breathing and your rapidly beating heart. Your mouth feels like sandpaper when you continue, “I know this might not make it up to you entirely, but I do have a gift that I want to share with you.”

At the mention of the word “gift,” you can see the way the small hamster ears perched on his head start to twitch. You smile secretively to yourself, knowing that you finally got his attention. “Come on, sweetie. Don’t you want to know what your present is?”

With a loud sigh, Seokjin rolls over to face you, his cheeks blotchy with tear stains and dried snot. You nearly cry out at the sight, but you keep your guilt to yourself, now more eager than ever to right your wrongs. You hate seeing him cry, most especially when it is you who had made him shed those tears.

“You got me a gift?” His voice is hoarse, but his curiosity is plain as day.

You nod happily, clapping your hands with excitement. “Yup! I know this will be the first time Seokjinnie is celebrating his birthday with me, so I thought long and hard about this—” a complete lie, but he doesn’t have to know that, “—and I thought it would be great if I gave you ten wishes for your birthday!”

There is a pause. In lieu of a response, Seokjin just sits up in bed, pushing off his blankets and blinking rapidly at you in disbelief. He rubs his eyes once, twice, but it still seems like he can’t believe what he’s seeing (and hearing). His mouth opens and closes, before finally saying, “Excuse me?”

You arch a brow, slightly confused as to why Seokjin seemed so astonished. “What? Do you not want ten wishes for your birthday?”

Seokjin shakes his head, looking like a possessed bobblehead with how quickly he moves. “No, of course I do! I just… You trust me enough to make ten wishes? Me?”

You cringe. “Well, trust is a strong word…”

“I knew it!” Seokjin scoffs, pointing at you accusingly. He flops back onto the bed, a deep pout on his face. “My ten wishes are probably gonna be stuff like ‘No cooking duties for a month!’ or something equally as lame.”

You roll your eyes. “Well, yes that could be one of your wishes if you so desired. But no, you can ask for fun stuff too.”

Seokjin raises a finger. “Oh really? Then how about—”

“No wishes that will allow you to attain world domination,” you interrupt, watching amusedly when he immediately deflates.

“Aww,” Seokjin mutters, dropping his finger. A second later, he raises the same finger again. “Then—”

“And no bodily augmentations as well,” you add.

Seokjin looks down at his crotch dejectedly. “Aww!” Seokjin repeats. ”Then what else am I supposed to ask for?!”

You shrug, tapping your chin. “Well, is there anything else in that empty skull of yours that you might want? There should be something you want that you can’t have.”

For a moment, Seokjin’s expression turns cloudy, like he usually does when he’s thinking deeply about something. It might have been the trick of the morning light, but you swear he gives you a quick once over, tongue poking out to wet his chapped lips. “I have an idea,” he says, voice low.

You feel your palms begin to sweat, unused to the dark look on Seokjin’s face. Anticipation fills you as you both stare at each other, neither willing to back down. “Y-yes?” you say, suddenly nervous to hear his response.

He smirks, tilting his head with contemplation. “I want…”

What? What do you want? You squeeze your fists unknowingly, forcibly keeping yourself from squeezing other parts of your body. Could it be..? No…

“Seokjin—”

“I want to beat Jeon Jungkook in a spicy noodle challenge. Just once in my fucking life!” Seokjin hollers, punching his pillow in the midst of his unexpected fury. His eyes are blazing, cheeks puffed up due to his unbridled hamster-y rage. “That little bunny bitch! Thinks he’s hot shit just because he can eat two more cups of spicy ramen more than me? Well, I want him to finally get a taste of his own medicine!”

You feel your shoulders sag in relief, wondering where on earth your brain had been going just a moment ago. “You… You want to get a spice resistance potion? Yeah, I can do that for you. Give me a second,” you say, dashing out of his room like your ass is on fire, afraid that he might notice the blush dusting the tops of your ears. You mentally slap yourself, biting the insides of your cheeks to keep from strangling yourself. Keep it together, Y/N. Remember how much of an idiot he is and you’ll be fine… Just don’t think too hard about it.

Lucky for Seokjin, spice resistance potions are quick enough to make and it only takes you 10 minutes to cork the finished concoction for him. You scurry back to his bedroom, about to hand the small vial over to him when the words get caught in your throat. You’re momentarily paralyzed by the sight of his naked back, his ocean-wide broad shoulders on full display for your wandering eyes to feast on. Naked Seokjin isn’t even a rare occurrence in your household, but it doesn’t get easier to witness even as the days go by. In fact, you guess it only gets harder for you, pun intended.

Thankfully (or unthankfully), Seokjin slips on a clean shirt before turning to you, his expression lighting up when he sees you (with your mouth still fully agape) with the potion in hand. “Nice one, Y/N!” He takes the vial from you, peering at the minty green color with glee. “Oh damn, when I see that little shithead, he’s not gonna know what hit him!”

“Are you gonna go challenge him today?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. I’d rather spend my birthday doing other things. Plus, I already have better ideas for the remaining nine wishes I have left.”

“Such as?”

He pats your head a little condescendingly, a devious smirk playing on his lips. “No need to worry your little head, Y/N. You don’t even need to work for four wishes, because I know for a fact that you have these potions in your stock,” he says, laughing maniacally as he scampers off to your basement storage.

“Seokjin!” You call out to him, wondering not for the first time how he always manages to outrun you despite doing nothing all day except eat sunflower seeds and play videogames all day. Though you assume it might have to do with his rodent DNA, as the little shit always did manage to slip from your fingers when you’re strangling holding him in his tiny furry form.

When you get to your cellar, you find him rummaging through your stores and softly humming a tune as he takes his time sorting through your potions. You try to peek over his shoulders to see what he’s doing, but it’s a lost cause as his entire frame somehow manages to block your entire view. Fuck him and his doorframe shoulders.

“Hey, I heard that!” Seokjin says, making you realize belatedly that you did say it out loud—not that you particularly cared if he heard. You’ve thought and said worse, plus he knows it. He thrives on being an asshole.

“Can you at least tell me what you want? I can find them for you too, as long as they aren’t… too dangerous,” you say the last part skeptically, not knowing what is categorized as “dangerous” when it comes to him. For all you know, he could somehow find a way to kill a man with a healing potion.

“No, no. I got it. Here,” he hands you a medium-sized vial filled with a colorless liquid. When you turn the bottle over, you see that you labeled it as one of your hair color changing mood potions, a popular novelty potion that you sold to kids at the market sometimes.

“Why on earth would you want this?” You snort. “Let me guess… You want to feed this to Yoongi so that you can anticipate whenever he’s about to scratch your eyeballs?”

“Close, but not quite! I want you to drink it,” Seokjin says, poking his head out of the cupboard to give you a quick smile. He winks at you, which you do not return. “Come on then. Drink up!”

You squint at him incredulously. When he doesn’t seem to be joking, you exclaim, “Hold on. Why on earth do you want me to drink this?”

But Seokjin has already shoved his head back into the cupboard, the sound of bottles clinking together nearly drowning out his voice as he struggles to find the other potions he’s looking for. “No particular reason! I just never see you with crazy hair colors and I always wondered how you’d look like in pink. I think it’d suit you.”

You flush darkly in response, stammering loudly at his brazenness. “But pink is the color for…” You trail off, embarrassment short-circuiting your brain. No way he could mean… that, could he?!

“Pink is for happiness, right?” Seokjin says after a moment, not noticing your awkward demeanor as he finally exits the cupboard, three other bottles cradled carefully in his arms. He closes the wooden door with his foot, walking out of the cellar with his prizes and not bothering to check if your dumbfounded self is following suit.

It takes a second for you to snap out of your stupor, yelping when he nearly slams the basement door on your face. “No, you idiot! Yellow is for happiness! Oh Merlin, you nearly gave me a heart attack,” you curse, treading closely on his heels.

Seokjin looks at you with confusion, but he thankfully doesn’t ask what specific mood the color pink represents. “Well, I guess you’re gonna have to live with yellow hair all day.”

“And why is that?” you say lamely.

“Because I’ll get to see how happy you are to be with me! After all, I am so incredibly handsome,” Seokjin laughs haughtily. He waits for you to open the door back to the house, his resounding laughter sounding even louder when you both enter, given the acoustics of your home.

“Then I guess my hair will be blue all day instead,” you scoff, pinching him lightly in the side.

“Oh? Because you’re sad that you can’t be as pretty as me? Understandable,” he nods sagely. “Or perhaps you’ll turn green with envy because you can’t be as pretty as me? Or even orange with fear, because you can’t be as pretty as—”

After living with him for so long, you’ve long since developed the ability to mute him out without needing to plug your ears with anything. It’s a necessary skill that you pride yourself in having, as it allows you to live in peace with the insufferable twat. You pity anyone who has ever had to live with him for an extended period of time; dear Merlin, you hope to meet his mother someday, as she must have been incredibly powerful to birth such a beast into existence and raise him willingly, too.

“Hey, are you listening to me? Are you muting me again? ON MY BIRTHDAY? Stop that!” Seokjin whines, poking you in the cheek. You startle slightly, pointing him with an annoyed look.

“Sorry, your highness. Does that count as one of your wishes? Because I honestly don’t think I can handle listening to you ALL DAY. I may be a talented witch, but even I don’t think that’s within my capabilities.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes, sticking his tongue out petulantly. “Whatever. Just drink the potion already, will you? Or would you rather I ask for a mind-reading potion instead?”

That shut you up quickly. You shudder at the thought of Seokjin with any sort of telepathic powers. You don’t consider yourself a saint, but you feel as though it’s your duty to keep him away from any sort of power. The world should thank you for your service, honestly.

Without further ado, you pop the cork off the bottle, downing the plasticky tasting potion in one big gulp. “Ugh. I don’t know why kids love this stuff. Tastes like shit.” You grimace, rushing to your kitchen to grab a glass of water.

On your way there, you notice your hair color begins to change from the mirror you keep above the kitchen sink. Your roots are starting to gain a light brown color, the default shade of the potion, but the color quickly drains out as you take your first sip of water. By the time the terrible taste is out of your tongue, your hair has turned completely gray. You finger your tresses, staring at its unnatural steeliness. “Well, at least we know it works. Gray means neutral if I remember correctly.”

“Damn, so this is how you’d look when you turn 50. Would still bang, not gonna lie,” Seokjin whistles, narrowly missing a jab to the stomach from you.

“No one asked for your opinion,” you retort hotly, hoping to the heavens that your hair isn’t changing color again.

Judging from Seokjin’s smirk, your prayers are useless. He cards a hand through your hair, admiring its new color. “Oh, interesting! Purple is for embarrassment, right? Wow, this is gonna be much more fun than I would have imagined!”

“A-anyway,” you slap his hand away, taking a step away from him to keep him from seeing your burning face (though it’s not like you hadn’t already been exposed anyway. Stupid magic potion.) You point to the three remaining bottles he had stolen from your basement, eager to divert the conversation away from the topic of your vulnerable emotions. “What about these? What on earth would you need—” You turn one of the bottles upside down, reading the label. “An illusion potion? Oh Seokjin, I don’t know about this one…”

Seokjin groans. “Oh, come on! The only rules you had were no world domination and no body augmentation, but you never said anything about fake body augmentation!”

“Trust you to find a loophole in any given circumstance,” you sigh, rubbing your temples in a futile attempt to stall the incoming migraine (too late for that, given that the personified version of a headache happens to live with you.) “Okay, fine. Tell me what you’re gonna use it for and then I’ll decide.”

“Simple,” Seokjin snaps his fingers. He trails his hands to his ass, squeezing the globes of fat with a sad sigh. “I want people to think I have an ass thicker than Park Jimin’s.”

For some indiscernible, unconnected reason, you feel as though one of the blood vessels in your brain just popped. In any case, having a stroke might be a better fate than continuing to live in the same universe as the withered toenail in front of you. “I beg you to repeat that sentence. Think about your words first, really grasp their true meaning. Try to remember what it’s like to have functioning brain cells. Then try to repeat your words with a straight face.”

“I. Want. People. To. Think. I. Have. An. Ass. Thicker. Than. Park. Jimin’s.” Seokjin repeats, his expression as flat as his ass. “Are you happy now? Will you grant my wish, please? You said no bodily augmentations, so having the illusion that I have thick ass should be perfectly acceptable, is it not?”

“I rue the day you learned to speak the human language.” You sigh irritably, pocketing the offending potion. When Seokjin begins to protest, you silence him with a quick glare. “Don’t worry, you fucking moron. I’m only allowing you to use this potion with my supervision and I simply don’t have the time to watch you bump bubble butts with the local village thot right now,” you explain.

Seokjin nods, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Indeed… I will need your assistance when I walk into town once everyone sees me with my ass shots and tiddies done. The people will simply devour me in an instant.”

“Are you aware that every moment you breathe, you are poisoning the air with your toxic presence?” you say with a deadpan stare. Ignoring his indignant squawks, you take a look at the two remaining bottles. “Alright. Please fucking tell me these are at least slightly sensible choices…”

“If there’s anything I know after living with you, it’s that our definitions of ‘sensible’ vary greatly between us,” Seokjin says, and for once you couldn’t agree more. He takes the last two bottles, turning them over to show you the labels underneath. “They’re luck and truth potions, each with a dose worth one hour. And before you say anything,” Seokjin beats you to the punch, holding a finger up when it looks like you’re about to protest, “These aren’t for me.”

You scrunch your brow in confusion, not quite following his logic. “What? Then what’s the point?”

Seokjin’s grin is mischievous, the twinkle in his eye sending a shiver down your spine. You’re familiar with that look, as it’s the same kind of expression he has whenever he plans to do something incredibly stupid, like eating uncooked noodles before pouring boiling water down his throat in order to eat instant ramen faster. You’ve been at the victim of too many of his ridiculous schemes to not know that whatever he is planning can’t be innocent.

“It’s simple, my dear Y/N. This is all part of my ingenious master plan that I thought of ten minutes ago,” Seokjin explains, tittering haughtily like some poorly designed video game villain. “Hold the applause, because my plan is going to rock your socks off.”

“I’m not even wearing any socks.”

“Then my plan will put socks on you, my dear. That’s how incredible it is,” Seokjin says, undeterred. “So basically, we’re finally going to get Yoongi and Namjoon to fuck.”

Seokjin pauses for dramatic effect, waving his hands around like a magician would, except the only magical act he’s ever performed was to be born as the first-ever living creature without a functioning brain. “Well?” he prompts, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Are you not going to ask me how I’m going to do it?”

Your expression morphs from confusion, to incredulity, to frustration, to acceptance all in five seconds flat. You’ve long since realized that it’s easier not to ask too many questions for the sake of your mental health, though you suppose it might be important to ask a few questions, mostly for the sake of your friends’ safety. You’ve lost enough acquaintances as it is, all because your familiar with rocks for brains wouldn’t know decency if you shoved it up his ass. 

(PS: No, they aren’t dead, but they’ve told you that Seokjin makes them feel like death anyway. That’s just the sort of effect he has on people.)

“Fine, I’ll bite. What’s your ingenious plan to get Yoongi and Namjoon to fuck entail?” you ask, gritting your teeth in preparation to withstand the pure, unadulterated strength of his dumbassery.

“Well firstly, I need the luck potion to win rock, paper, scissors against Yoongi,” Seokjin starts, smirking at the thought. “It’s been my dream to beat him at the game, as the score right now between the two of us is 349 to null in his favor—”

“That’s just because you always play paper. Consistently. You never use scissors or rock,” you deadpan.

Seokjin gasps, holding a finger up to your lips to silence you. “I am above using rocks! I am no barbarian! And do you think I’d ever use scissors? That is just one step away from me throwing up a peace sign like some sort of weeb!” Seokjin retorts, nose upturned in the air. You struggle to keep your fists by your sides, the itch to punch him in his perfectly sculpted nose growing by the second.

“Regardless, I intend to win this time,” Seokjin continues. “And I will make him take the truth potion as my prize for winning so that he may finally confess his feelings for Namjoon and end their five-year-long mutual suffering.”

“Don’t you mean mutual pining?” 

“Same thing,” Seokjin shrugs. “You and I both know that those two idiots will continue to skirt around each other like teenagers who only just realized that their penises can be used in different ways other than for pissing. They’ve been in love with each other for far too long and I intend to be the cupid that brings those two together.”

“Why must you phrase things like that,” you sigh, not really asking with the intent of hearing an answer. You’ve been asking him the same question for months now, and have yet to receive an answer that isn’t “because I can!”

“So does that mean you’ll let me use the luck and truth potions?” Seokjin asks, his lip jutted out in what he probably presumes is a cute manner, but all it does is make him look like his bottom lip got stung by a hornet. (Still kinda cute though, you think to yourself.)

After taking another five seconds to deeply access the state of your life, you sigh tiredly, feeling weary beyond your years. Figures that he would notice the attraction between your two best friends, but still remains oblivious to your own feelings. 

“Fine,” you acquiesce, crossing your arms in an attempt to look annoyed. You aren’t doing a very good job, however, as you try not to smile at Seokjin’s unabashed excitement. Fuck him for being so adorable when he’s happy. Why couldn’t he be excited over more normal things, like R-18 video games or hentai?

You clear your throat, stopping his celebration. “Do you really want to spend your birthday getting Namjoon and Yoongi to get together though? Pardon me for saying this, but I seriously didn’t think you’d want to help them.”

“Why not?”

“You always seemed a little too enthusiastic whenever the two of them were being...” you pause, stuck on the word you want to use.

“Super stupidly horny for each other? Yeah, I admit that I do enjoy watching Namjoon getting a boner whenever Yoongi does that weird cat thing,” he says, shrugging.

“Weird cat thing? You mean when he stretches and his entire torso grows twice as long?”

“Precisely!” Seokjin claps his hands, grinning ear to ear. “It’s super gross and weirdly cute! I don’t know how Namjoon finds that even remotely horny-inducing. Must be a cat person thing.”

You shake your head, unwilling to think deeper about the psychological mechanisms of your friends. “Besides the point. Do you want to head over to Namjoon’s place now? They invited us for dinner tomorrow to celebrate your birthday anyway, so we can always do this next time, or…”

“Hell no,” Seokjin is quick to interject, knowing that you're just trying to weasel your way out of being an accomplice in his ill-planned hijinks. Your shoulders slump in defeat. "You are not getting out of this. We are doing this today before either of us forget! C'mon, it won't take that long."

"That's what I was afraid you'd say," you grumble. "But fine. Just gimme a sec to get ready," you point at Seokjin's ahegao printed pajamas with disgust, "—and you should probably change out your clothes too."

Seokjin looks down at his clothes with a confused expression. "What's wrong with my PJs?"

"I think the more important question is what's wrong with you," you reply, stalking off to your bedroom. You smile secretly to yourself when you hear his squawks of offense.

As you hadn't gotten sleep the night before, you only just notice that you're still wearing yesterday's clothes on your back, the sweat after hours of worrying about what to get Seokjin making your shirt stick grossly to your armpits. You strip off quickly, doing your best to freshen up and look semi-decent (though there isn't much of a need; you've been friends with Namjoon long enough that he's seen you at your worst.)

You pass by your dresser, seeing your reflection in the mirror. Your hair color is shifting from yellow to brown at a rapid pace, making it appear as though you'd been the victim of a terrible dye job.

"I'm a victim, for sure..." you mutter to yourself, fingering your multi-colored locks. The brown color is for annoyance, which shouldn't be much of a surprise to anyone, but the yellow? Happiness isn’t exactly the word you’d describe your emotions right now. And also, do your eyes deceive you? Is there a patch of pink appearing just at the crown of your head?

“No, no… This is no good at all.” You force yourself to think of sad thoughts, trying desperately for the colors to change—but to no avail. Luckily, that hamster bastard doesn't remember what pink means, or else you'd definitely be screwed, and maybe not even in the good way.

You sigh tiredly, slumping over onto your bed when the fatigue from the day finally hits you. “It’s only morning, and I already want to die. Must be a record,” you snort in exasperation, watching as the tips of your hair turn black in response. “Wow, thanks magic. No one would have guessed I was tired unless you said so,” you mutter sarcastically. 

You never thought that you were much of a tsundere, but you're starting to understand the appeal. People knowing your emotions so easily is disconcerting, to say the least. You'd rather die than let Seokjin know that his stupid little antics actually do make you happy, since spending time with him doing pretty much anything is always a good time. It's just... someone has to hold the brain cell in the relationship, and you never would have expected that you'd be the wielder majority of the time.

When you step out back into the living room feeling more refreshed, Seokjin is ready to go. Which is to say, he hasn't moved a single inch from where he was standing just ten minutes ago.

"You bitch! I told you to get dressed," you snap. You pull him by the ear, making the 179 cm adult man whine like a little baby. "Take your clothes off!"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he wheezes, still grimacing from the throbbing pain from where you had tugged his lobe. He tries to wink at you but fails tremendously. He looks like he’s having a funky lil seizure instead. "Just transform me into my animal form and let me ride in your pocket. It's too cold out to walk! You know how sensitive my nipples are! They turn into ping pong balls when it's winter."

"I don't care. Please stop using me as your personal taxi service; you've shat in the pockets of two of my coats already," you grumble, but your pleas remain unheard. He pouts, and your feeble willpower disintegrates immediately at the sight. You sigh, "But since it's your birthday, I won't complain about it this time."

"You literally just complained though?"

You ignore him. You outstretch your finger, ready to boop. "Alright, gimme your nose, wench."

Instead of coming closer as you expected, Seokjin just gives you a contemplative look. Never a good sign. "Actually, that gives me an idea..."

"Oh, dear Merlin. Not another one of those. Please spare me," you groan.

"This one is easy though!" Seokjin tuts, bonking you on the head. You hear something click in the back of your skull, but now is not the time to ponder about such trivialities. He continues, "Instead of my nose being my transformation point... Do you think you could—"

"I am not making your penis your transformation point," you interrupt.

"—make my butt my transformation point? Wait, hold on, nevermind. I think I like your idea better," Seokjin jumps in excitement, but his mirth dies when he sees your unimpressed stare. "Okay, fine. No penis touching. But butts! You touch my butt all the time anyway! It shouldn't be that different."

"Yeah, but I only touch your ass so often because you beg me to punch and massage it in hopes of it becoming bigger. Which, by the way, isn't a real thing. You should do squats instead or something."

Seokjin gasps, scandalized. "Me? Working out? Please, that's as improbable as Yoongi turning into a regular-sized person!"

"I'm telling Yoongi you said that," you roll your eyes. "And to answer your question, no I won't switch your transformation point to your—" Wait, hold the phone. That gives you an idea. A glorious plan, something that might finally teach him a lesson.

No way in hell he would fall for that, though, you think idly to yourself. You’d be too obvious! Unless..?

"What is it?" Seokjin asks, confused when you suddenly stop speaking. He gazes curiously at the way your eyes are glazed over, concerned when he sees the way the corners of your lips twitch slightly. "What's up with you?"

You snap out of your reverie, your mischievous thought quickly cementing itself in your mind. Seokjin may be a chaotic shithead, but so are you. No one can endure living with Kim Seokjin for long without gaining a few shithead genes in the process, and you're no exception. This will teach him to be a little more conscientious, you hope. It's a pipedream, but as they say... Reach for the moon, and if you miss, then at least you'll get swallowed up by a black hole and turn into spaghetti.

"Nothing. Just had a thought, thot." You whistle innocently, barely holding down your grin when Seokjin stares at you suspiciously. Fortunately, your hair color hasn't given you away. To be fair, you didn't know light blue was the color for being a jackass either; you learn something new every day. "Nevermind that. I changed my mind. I'll grant your wish. After all, it is your birthday."

"That's right!" Seokjin exclaims, but there's a note of uncertainty and nervousness in his tone. He squints at you, pursing his lips. "Aha... Of course, it's only right that you give me what I want. It's what you promised, after all."

"Yes, yes... What Seokjin wants, Seokjin gets..." You trail off, your mind preoccupied as you hurriedly go over to your kitchen cupboard. You aren't sure if you kept them or not, so it takes you a few moments of sifting through all the bottles of herbs before you find it in the back, where it has gained a thin layer of dust all over it. You wipe it off, humming in victory when you see that it's exactly what you need.

You take a quick look at the bottom of the bottle, pleased to see that Namjoon had forgotten to label it, like always. But you remember what it is, even though you've never really quite needed to use this particular herb. He had given it to you as a strange novelty item a long time ago: it was an ingredient for obscure potions that were never really ordered at regular magical apothecaries, which is why it had remained untouched in your cupboard until today.

By itself, it has strong magical properties too, or rather... You suppose it would be more accurate to call them side effects. It has an incredibly confounding side effect that some might consider dangerous, which is why it's important to handle this herb with the proper protective equipment. Not that Seokjin would know that, of course.

"Here," you say, handing over the innocuous-looking bottle to Seokjin. He peers at it, turning it over to look for the nonexistent label.

"What is this? Weed?" he murmurs, popping the lid open and taking a tentative sniff. "Doesn't smell like it," he says, raising a brow in confusion. You let out a small giggle, but thankfully, he doesn't notice your slip up.

"Nah, it's called the Baliktad herb. I remember that Namjoon had given it to me ages ago, and it's coincidentally something you can use to... transfer magic from one body part to another." You choose your words carefully, though it's not like you're lying, anyway. Vagueness is the first step in deceit, after all.

"Really? How does it work?" 

"Simple! All you have to do is grind some of the herbs into a powder, mix it with some water to form a paste, then rub it on your nose and your butt. Wait a few seconds and poof!"

Seokjin nods, intrigued. "Wow, I've never heard of this thing before. Are there other uses for this? Say, what if I rubbed some of it on my dick instead—"

"Oh shut the fuck up and give me that," you grab the bottle back, glaring at his impish face. "You know what? I can't trust you to administer it on yourself. Lemme make the paste and I'll rub it on you."

"That sounds hot," Seokjin winks, barely dodging your kick to his nuts. "Hey, hey! Feet off the prize, darling! My balls are where the ladies get their babies."

To stop yourself from screaming, you keep your mouth shut this once. Besides, you're too excited for what you're about to do to him, so keeping silent is a small price to pay. All of it will be worth when you finally give him a taste of his own medicine. Or rather, a smell of his own medicine.

When you finish grinding the herb into a paste, you clear your throat, gesturing for Seokjin to sit on the couch. "Alright, let me put some on your honker first before I get to your ass. And no, you better not make some 'ass is grass' joke."

Seokjin visibly deflates. "Hey, what the fuck? You stole my joke before I even said it! I guess that's soulmate culture for you," he sighs dreamily, before yelping loudly when you shove two gloved fingers up his nostrils. "Hey! What was that for!"

"Oh, sorry," you apologize unapologetically. "I was just worried that if I slathered it on top of your nose, I might accidentally trigger your transformation, so I took the safer route it jammed it up your nostrils instead."

"Whatever happened to a gentlelady's touch..." he whines, scowling petulantly at you. "Wait, if you're gonna jam it up my nostrils, then does that you're also gonna jam it up my—"

Before he can finish his sentence, you push him down onto his stomach, kneeling on his back and literally stealing his breath away. "Aight, rat. I'm shoving your pants down now," you warn gruffly. He makes a winded sound, probably a snarky response that would have made you slap his nuts. Fortunately, your legs were currently crushing his windpipe and leaving him incapable of speaking.

It's funny how you’ve become numb to the sight of his naked ass at this point. Once upon a time, you had blushed constantly at the sight of his sweet cheeks, making for an awkward first two months of living together. Every time you close your eyes, the two globes would be imprinted underneath your lids, haunting you. Nowadays, you'd be more concerned if he wasn't wearing his signature "God Won't Let Me Die" booty shorts.

Also, despite what he says, he isn't completely assless. He has a substantial amount of cake, certainly nothing to scoff at. You grumble and moan about "having" to massage his ass, but honestly? Who wouldn't want to grab his ass? You might be stupid, but you aren't an idiot.

“The salve is going to be cold, by the way,” you warn, though it’s useless to say at this point since he already experienced it when you shoved up his nose just two minutes ago. Whatever. 

Unlike then, you are much gentler applying the salve on his butt this time, mostly out of fear that 1) you'd accidentally penetrate his asshole with your finger like that one time (don't ask), or 2) you'd massage his butt like you know he wants you to.

“Harder, mommy,” he fake moans, wiggling his ass. You almost slap him on instinct, but think better of it.

"I hate that you're such a... debauched cretin," you say, tenderly rubbing his ass with a scowl. If any bystander were to see you, they'd might have thought you were his kind girlfriend rubbing medicine on a bruise or massaging your poor fatigued boyfriend. One might have even thought you were rubbing him a little bit too sensually, but little do people know... You were playing a stupid little prank on your dumbass familiar that may or may not cause him to beat you up (not that it would be much of a punishment to you, anyway. They don’t write romances like these anymore, huh?)

He taps you on the thigh, and you guess that he’s probably having difficulty breathing from your weight on his back. Feeling kinda bad for him, you shift your legs over, choosing to straddle him instead. However, the regret from your decision comes instantaneously the moment he regains his breath.

"You love me, though. You think I'm funny," Seokjin replies, albeit his voice is still a little strained under your weight.  "You think I'm cute, too."

Yeah, you do. "I think your hamster form is cute. Get that shit out of your head," you scoff, but your heated cheeks betray you.

“I can’t see you right now, but I bet your hair is an insane shade of purple, isn’t it?” he teases, wiggling like a worm to express his glee.

“Fuck you,” you grouse. You slap his thigh twice in retribution: the first one for teasing you, and the second one for pretending to moan after you had slapped him the first time.

He was only half-right about your hair, anyway. You catch a glimpse of your pastel purple and pink hair from the corner of your eye, alarmingly visible for all to see. Honestly, it doesn’t take a lot of brainpower to figure out what pink actually means, most especially since you have never been subtle with your affections for him. After all, not everyone has the patience to keep up with his antics. The fact that you haven’t squashed him into a tiny hamster pancake is proof enough that you really do love him.

I mean, who else would give Kim Seokjin ten wishes on his birthday? That's giving him way too much power that no one should be comfortable with. Just goes to show that maybe like attracts like, sometimes. You must be a little crazy too, you suppose.

He’s never caught on to your feelings, however, as he probably thinks you’re more like an annoying younger sister or something. After all, you bicker with him more than anything else, but that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth.

Luckily or unluckily for you, Seokjin doesn’t comment on your hair color when he sits up after you finish rubbing the herbs onto his gooch. He’s much too busy wrinkling his nose in confusion, his forehead scrunching as the herbs are presumably starting to take effect.

“How am I supposed to know when the herbs work?” he asks, scratching his nose. The salve has dried out considerably, turning more into flecks that fall off when he disturbs it. So now, it looks like he has disgusting leathery boogers hanging out from his nostrils. Somehow, he makes it work anyway.

“Oh, you’ll know,” you respond vaguely, smiling when you can tell that Seokjin’s suspicions are beginning to grow. “Want me to test it out?”

Seokjin nods, leaning closer and presenting you with his nose. You tap him gently on the tip (lol), both of you waiting for the scent of caramel and mint to signal his shift. When nothing comes, Seokjin gasps in elation, clapping his hands gleefully as he bounces up and down in his seat.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe that worked! I was so sure you were gonna prank me… I overestimated you,” he says haughtily, pointing his stupid nose up in the air. He guffaws, standing up and wagging his ass at you smugly. “C’mon, then! Slap my ass and let’s see if it really works!”

You don’t move immediately, disappointed when the actual effect of the herb doesn’t seem to be working. You pout, observing him skeptically. “Wait, hold on. Are you sure you don’t feel weird?”

His victory hoots come to an abrupt halt. “No? Why would I be?”

“Don’t you… smell anything odd?”

Seokjin looks at you weirdly. “No? Unless you count not smelling my transformation scent, then—wait, just a second.” He freezes up, sniffing the air with a disgusted expression on his face. “Shit, you’re right! There’s something super funky in the air. You didn’t fuck up my sense of smell or something, did you?”

“Nope,” you say, popping your p. Your smirk grows, breathy giggles escaping you. “Say, can you describe what you’re smelling?”

“Oh Merlin, it’s terrible! It smells like shit? Like fucking… like ass or something!” He grimaces, sticking his tongue out as he is assaulted by the stench that only he can smell. “What the fuck is that? Oh my fucking word…”

You’re breaking into full out laughter at this point, nearly falling over onto the floor from the strength of your mirth. You barely hear Seokjin’s squawks of bewilderment, ignoring his demands to tell him what you had done to him.

“I can’t believe it worked,” you wheeze, hunched over on your knees. You’re spraying spit everywhere from your hysterics, though you are exaggerating your delight a little just to piss Seokjin off. You point and scream at his face, hollering like a banshee until he finally grabs your wrists to make you stop.

“Out with it! What the hell did you do to me?” he shouts, shaking you roughly with unhinged eyes.

It takes you a moment to respond, unable to breathe through your giggles. “You—you’re fucking—smelling your own—wheeze—your own ass!”

Seokjin stares at you, dumbfounded. “What?!”

“Your—HAHA—your fucking ass! I switched your nose to your ass, you idiot! Just like you asked!”

Seokjin’s jaw drops, complete bafflement and betrayal on his expression. He backs away from you, shaking his head slowly with bugged-out eyes as he begins to fully understand the weight of your treachery. “You,” he seethes, venom dripping from that singular word. He sounds like a pet owner about to scold their dumbass cat for eating his prized plastic big booby women figurines or something. 

You grin sweetly back at him, batting your eyelashes for extra effect. “Me? What about me?”

You don’t even have the reflexes to dodge him when he lunges for you, grabbing your neck and strangling you. “You bitch! How could you do this to me on my birthday!”

“Hehehe…” you wheeze, sounding even more goblin-ish with his grip on your throat. “You underestimated me, bastard. You asked for your ass to become your transformation point, and I did. You never said I couldn’t make transfer your sense of smell, too.”

“I didn’t ask you to make me smell my own ass! This is fucking garbage!” he yells, letting you go. You gasp for breath, but you’re still shaking with laughter at the absolutely deranged look in his eyes. He looks like an ape that was recently set free from his enclosure and out onto the streets.

“That’s what you get for not wiping your ass, then!” you retort, sticking your tongue out petulantly.

“Well, we can’t go to Namjoon’s house when all I can smell is my own fucking ass! Merlin, I should’ve downed the luck potion when you left to get changed, but I wanted to be A GOOD PERSON and so decided against it,” he sniffs, utterly irked by this turn of events. “I’m never going to be a moral person again!”

“When have you ever been one? I wasn’t even aware you had a conscience,” you say. “Wait, that reminds me. I’ll be taking these until we go to Namjoon’s, then!” You grab the luck and truth potions, keeping them behind your back. Seokjin immediately tries to grab them, but you’re quick to punch him in the gut with your free hand.

“Ooph! You’re such a meanie—aw shit!” Seokjin screams, holding his hands to his nose instinctively. “Fuck! That was a dirty move! You know hitting my stomach makes me fart! I can’t even cover my nose!”

“Hey, maybe for your next wish, you should ask for some cake. Then maybe we can recreate the cake farts video,” you suggest, mostly as a joke. But of course, you shouldn’t have been surprised when Seokjin starts to seriously contemplate your offer.

“Hmm… I was gonna ask for cake next, but now you’re making me really want cake now,” he hums, shrugging you off when you hit him in retaliation. “What? Why do you keep hitting me?! You’re the one who said it, not me! We might as well turn lemons into lemonade!”

“It was a fucking joke, you moron! I’m seriously going to eat you if you don’t stop being weird—”

“Oh shit, how do you keep reading my mind? Vore was gonna be my next wish too—”

“Shut up!” you hiss, your ears perking up. “I think I heard something from outside.”

You were both so busy bickering with each other that you hadn’t noticed that the doorbell had been ringing for the last minute or so. You both freeze, hearing the shrill sound of the bell going off, followed by three loud knocks. “Hello? Y/N? Are you home?” a familiar voice calls out. “It’s me, Taehyung!”

“Taehyung?” you shriek, staring incredulously at the door. He isn’t meant to visit until the end of the month to pick up refills for his grandfather’s medication. What could he need all of a sudden? “H-hold on! Gimme one sec!”

You’re only two steps away from answering the door when a growl (a squeal? Can hamsters growl?) stops you in your tracks. You slowly turn back to Seokjin, your blood running cold when you remember his blatant dislike for this particular customer. In fact, his aversion towards Taehyung runs so deep that you never allow him to stay in his human form around him lest he begins cursing him out like a sailor.

It doesn’t help, however, that Taehyung only ever sees him in his hamster form and constantly coos at him like a pet. You’ve had to apologize numerous times for the dozens of bites all over his hands and arms, but Taehyung always laughs it off, too oblivious to realize that a two-inch hamster wants to suffocate him with his own mullet.

There seems to be no discernable reason as to why Seokjin loathes Taehyung with such passion, though you’ve always suspected that it’s because he feels threatened by people prettier than him. You’d be the last person to admit to him that he’ll always be the prettiest in your eyes, especially since it would only make him ten times more insufferable.

Until then, Taehyung is just going to have to deal with a murderous, psychotic furball coming for his life. 

Aforementioned psychotic furball takes a step towards the front door, but you’re quick to block his path. “Don’t you dare,” you warn, but you can already sense Seokjin’s hackles rising.

“I know what I want for my next wish,” Seokjin responds instead, disregarding your order.

“Overruled. I’m not letting you kick Taehyung in the nuts,” you say, hands poised to attack. You’re about to smack him on the nose when you realize that it’s not going to work this time. “Fuck! Give me your ass! I am not letting you get away with murder for your birthday!”

“I’ll give you my ass next time, darling. For now, I must defeat my sworn enemy, once and for all!” he howls, making a mad dash towards the door. “I’ll kill you, pretty boy! Only one person can be pretty, and it’s going to be me!”

He may be quicker than you on a regular day, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins gives you enough speed to land a loud, fat slap on his ass before he can even think to twist the doorknob open. Seokjin yelps in surprise as he turns towards you with a betrayed look in his eyes, before promptly being swallowed up by pink smoke and leaving an aggressive ball of fur where he once stood.

“Squeak! Squeak squeak squeak squeak!!” he squeaks, and you’ve long since learned his mannerisms well enough that you know that he just said “Y/N! I’ll fucking kill you!!” or something to that effect.

You pick him up gently into your hands, shushing him to no avail. “Fine, if you’re going to be that way—” you hiss, glaring at him when he gives you a haughty squeak. “—then I’ll just have to...yah!” you yell, hucking him across your living room and (safely) onto the couch.

(Caution: Do not do this to your hamsters. Seokjin is a magical hamster and is unnaturally sturdy, even in hamster form. He is an outlier and should not be counted. Plus, he deserves it.)

With Seokjin out of the way, you finally manage to get the door open without trouble. You greet Taehyung with a smile, although you do not doubt in your mind that you must look a bit worse for wear. Like the gentleman that he is, Taehyung doesn’t comment on your haggard appearance.

“Hey, Y/N. Sorry for intruding without notice. May I come in?” he asks. You nod a little too enthusiastically, stepping aside and allowing him into your abode. You glance at the couch, gasping quietly when you don’t see Seokjin anywhere. 

“Shit,” you curse lowly, to which Taehyung turns to you with a confused look.

“Pardon?” He must have mistaken your agitation to be directed towards him, as he bows to you apologetically. “Sorry again, you must be busy with other things today, but I’m in desperate need of a refill.”

“A refill?” you ask, semi-distracted as your eyes flit around the room, desperately searching for the small brown ball undoubtedly zipping around right under your nose. “What for? Is your grandfather doing okay?”

“Yes, ol’ pops is doing fine. I’m here to ask for a refill for… the other thing,” he coughs, cheeks darkening ever so slightly. His embarrassed tone breaks you from your search for Seokjin, forcing your gaze on him instead.

“The other thing? What do you mean—oh,” you interrupt yourself, finally understanding his meaning. “That thing.”

Taehyung nods frantically, hiding his face in his hands. “S-sorry, I know I asked for that potion as a one-time thing, but I met this new girl who’s really energetic, and let’s just say that I’m not keen on disappointing her when we’ve only started dating.”

You chuckle lightly, patting him on the back. “No need to explain, Tae. I’m not here to judge you. Besides, I just hope this girl doesn’t accidentally kill you like the previous one. Didn’t you say you went at it for three days straight?”

Taehyung groans, his flush growing until it reaches the back of his neck. “D-don’t even remind me about that! I accidentally took two doses of the potion that time and I was wishing for death by the seventh hour. I swear, I thought my dick was gonna turn into a raisin by the end of it—”

“Squeak!”

You both turn your heads towards the shrill noise coming from somewhere in your kitchen. “Shit, I forgot! T-Tae, just stay right here! I’ll be right back.” You jog towards the source, suddenly remembering that there was a live rodent on the loose with an evil agenda and only you would be able to stop him from fulfilling his goals.

You burst inside, immediately spotting that your bottom cupboard is ajar. It’s where you keep your extra stores of potions for regular customers, but you have very little time to wonder which potion Seokjin is aiming for before you’re already ripping open the door to stop the vermin.

“Oh you fucking little ballsack,” you snarl, dismayed when you realize that you’re too late. Seokjin has already found the potion he was looking for, having opened it up and already halfway finished drinking the damn thing.

You slap him away from the bottle before he can do any more damage, smacking him hard enough that his tiny hamster body slams against the cupboard wall. You don’t miss the victorious furry grin on his face, holding up a tiny hamster thumbs up to spite you. “What the hell did you drink?” you hiss, grabbing the half-empty bottle and flipping it over to read the label. “Verbosity potion… Oh, you bastard!”

You know Seokjin has always wanted to cuss out Taehyung like it’s his life mission, but you’ve always made sure that he was safely locked away in his bedroom whenever the younger boy was over for a visit. Seokjin knows today was his only opportunity to get his way, especially since he could always weasel his way out of punishment by using his birthday as an excuse.

“If you say even one word to Taehyung, I swear I’ll—”

“Y/N? Is everything alright?” Taehyung asks meekly from the living room, still standing where you had left him. He has his neck craned slightly to check up on you, but your back is thankfully blocking his view of the tiny psychopath you call your familiar.

“Y-yes! Everything’s just peachy keen,” you laugh nervously, your attention still focused on Seokjin. Your familiar has yet to make a peep, and both of you are slightly confused when he struggles to speak.

“S...squeak?” Seokjin asks, blinking in bewilderment. He looks to you for an explanation, but you’re as lost as he is. Not to toot your own horn, but you’re one of the greatest potion makers of your generation; it’s almost unheard of for your potions to not work.

You don’t question it for now; instead, you grab Taehyung’s requested refill from the back, the red and pink label making it easy to locate. “Here you go! This should be less intense than the previous one I gave you. This one will lose its effect once you’ve… finished, to say the least,” you grimace, smiling awkwardly.

Taehyung takes it from you, shaking your hands wildly. “Thank you so much, Y/N! You’re definitely a lifesaver. I owe you one,” he says, already making his way out the door. “I’ll hand over the payment to you when I come to pick up my grandfather’s medicines at the end of the month if that’s fine with you!”

“No worries, Tae. Take care!” you call out, waving goodbye until he closes your door shut. With Taehyung gone, you instantly return to kneel in front of your cupboard, where Seokjin is still slumped over, unmoving. He looks more dazed than usual, his black eyes unseeing as he stares somewhere behind you.

“Seokjin? You alright? Can you speak?” you ask, but he doesn’t react, as if he hadn’t heard you. You wave a hand in front of his face, snapping your fingers when that doesn’t work. “Hey, smooth brain. I’m sorry for smacking you, okay? I know it’s your birthday and I should be treating you better, but you really shouldn’t snoop around in my potion stores and drink stuff without my permission.”

When Seokjin still does not reply, you decide to pick him up and place him on the floor. You tap him on the bum, waiting a few seconds until Seokjin is back to his human form. When the smoke fades, he’s still stuck in his stupor, but you notice the dark red flush creeping up his neck and ears.

“Seokjinnie? Holy shit, are you okay?” You panic slightly, holding a hand up to his forehead and gasping when you feel the sharp rise in his body temperature. He is definitely feverish, and you’re worried that he might have had some allergic reaction to the potion or something. “Shit, are you getting a rash? Sweetie, can you hear me? Say something, please.”

“Y/N,” he rasps, licking his lips. His pupils are undilated to an unnerving degree, and his breathing is ragged. He stands up unsteadily, wobbling in place. “Fuck, I don’t really feel well.” His voice is deep, speaking unusually slower. You shudder involuntarily, fearful and intrigued all at once.

You shake your head, clearing your thoughts. Seokjin could seriously be in danger right now! Now is not the time to get horny! “Seokjin, explain how you feel. I’ll try to figure out what antidote I should make in case you actually did accidentally poison yourself with something,” you say hurriedly, going over to your stove and grabbing a spare cauldron from its rack. You’re grabbing random herbs and chucking them into a pot, too preoccupied and worried to hear Seokjin groan behind you.

“I feel… hot. And not in a sexy way,” Seokjin whimpers, curling into himself. There is sweat lining the edge of his brow, despite the house being relatively chilly due to the cold weather. “Okay, maybe a little bit in a sexy way.”

“Well if you can still joke about it, then it shouldn’t be life-threatening, whatever this is,” you say. Seokjin coughs out a laugh, but even that makes him cringe from the discomfort.

You decide to check the potion he had drank and see what ingredients you had used, as it usually will tell you how to make a reverse for it. When you grab the bottle, it only just hits you that the color of the potion is a little off than you remember. If you remember correctly, verbosity potions are usually a pale yellow color, but this one has a darker and deeper tone. In fact, you could see flecks of red sediment floating around, something that you recognize as wyvern blood.

Hold on… Verbosity potions don’t require wyvern blood. Very few potions require it at all, and the only one you can think of that would need it is none other than—

“Oh fucking shit,” you curse for what feels like the twentieth time in this story. You whip your head to face Seokjin, whose entire upper body seems to be bathed in a deep red flush. He’s panting in earnest now, tongue lolling out as he fights the fever consuming him. Little does he know, it isn’t a regular type of fever that he’ll be able to recover with medicine. You gulp, struggling to find an explanation.

“So, umm…” You laugh hesitantly, rubbing the back of your neck with a wry smile. Seokjin peeks up at you from behind his bangs, some of it plastered to his forehead from sweat. The faraway look in his eyes has disappeared, replaced by an unsettling hunger and darkness that is uncharacteristic for the mischievous hamster shifter. You gulp. “Seokjin, I think I know what you drank and it wasn’t the verbosity potion.”

“What?” he croaks, wincing when he adjusts himself to lean on the kitchen counter. You catch sight of a bulge forming in the front of his pajama shorts, miraculously still unnoticed by Seokjin himself. “Fuck, Y/N. I’m burning up.”

The way he utters your name brings a shiver down your spine, and your familiar notices immediately. His gaze is transfixed on the exposed part of your neck, trailing over your skin until his eyes finally land on your lips. You lick them unconsciously, with Seokjin following the movement.

“Seokjin, I need you to get to bed right now. I don’t know how long this potion is going to last, but I’m gonna need you to—”

“What did you do to me?” Seokjin growls, his grip on the counter tightening to the point that he may have cracked the marble. You know he’s strong despite being a prey shifter, but you didn’t think he’d become this powerful and aggravated. You’re guessing that it might be a side effect from him drinking the potion when he was in his hamster form. He had more or less drunk the dosage required for a regular-sized human, so his smaller body size must have led to a slight overdose. This is all guesswork on your part, but hindsight isn’t going to help you right now.

“I, umm… I think I might have accidentally mislabelled the potion,” you admit reluctantly, feeling meek under his heavy presence. You’ve never felt threatened or intimidated by him before, so this is completely uncharted territory for you. You know deep in your heart that he’d never do anything to hurt you even in his inebriated state, but you would still do well to take all your precautions when approaching him. “I think… I might have given Taehyung the wrong potion, too.”

Seokjin doesn’t respond and just keeps watching you as you fidget in place. You continue, “H-he came over today because he wanted a refill, right? W-well, he actually asked for libido potion. And, so—”

“You gave me horny juice? Is that what’s happening?” Seokjin groans, crossing his legs together when he finally registers the very distinct swelling in his underwear. “Fuck,” he moans, involuntarily humping the air to search for some sort of reprieve.

You scoff, trying to keep your tone as level as possible so as not to alarm him. “What do you mean I gave you horny juice? You’re the one who drank it without permission!” you retort, but the scolding dies on your lips when Seokjin starts to grind against the counter, small gasps leaving his mouth. Your throat goes dry, and you know it’ll only be a few more moments before Seokjin’s limited control will start to slip away.

“Y-Y/N, what do I do?” he whines, giving up on the counter and weakly reaching out for you. “I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t cum right now. I-I need you.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” you start, your stomach swirling with arousal. His scent is stronger than usual, filling your senses with nothing but caramel, mint, and Seokjin. Even as you’re talking, you feel your resolve chipping away despite your better judgment. “You’re not thinking properly right now, and I don’t wanna take advantage of you—”

“N-no! I want it, no, I want you. I’ve always wanted you,” he pants, taking the two short steps to latch his hands on your waist. You flinch when you feel his large palms touch you, the heat palpable even through your clothes. Even with lust clouding his vision, he is gentle with you, like he’s afraid of hurting you. “I-I know you must think I’m a nuisance, and I’ve done n-nothing but annoy you these past few months, but I… I genuinely care about you a lot, Y/N. W-which is why I was so hurt when I thought you forgot my birthday, but even if you did, I was j-just happy to be living with you. Because I really lo—”

He gasps, unable to finish his thought as he accidentally tightens his grasp on you. He pulls you closer until your bodies are aligned, nuzzling into your neck. His teeth scrape your skin slightly, pulling a loud moan from you. You flush, embarrassed, but you have no time to worry about that when you feel how incredibly hard and solid he is against your stomach.

“P-please, help me? It doesn’t have to mean anything; we can forget about it after but right now, I don’t think I’m going to live past tomorrow unless I have my cock stuffing your pussy right this very moment,” he says in one breath, his hands reaching behind you to squeeze your ass. He inhales deeply, releasing it with a content sigh. “Fuck, I can already smell how wet you are. I just know my cock will stretch it out real good, just like how I always dreamed.”

“You… you dreamt of me like that?” you whisper, shocked. You don’t know why your brain latches onto that piece of information out of all the filthy things he just said, but you have to admit that the thought of him having wet dreams about you turns you on greatly.

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen yourself?” He sounds incredulous, like you’d just said something completely unfathomable to him. “Fuck, do you remember when I got my rut two months ago, and I stayed with Namjoon and Yoongi so that you wouldn’t feel awkward around me? They love to tease me about the number of times I moaned your name every time I came,” he admits. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you even if I tried.”

“Fuck, Seokjinnie,” you whine, your fingers scrambling to hang onto his chest, his back, his neck—anywhere, really. Your legs feel like jelly, afraid that you might stumble from how weak you’ve become from your own arousal. “Why didn’t you say anything before now?”

“I’m sorry I had to confess this way,” he says, caressing your hair with unexpected tenderness. He chuckles quietly, his breath tickling your neck. “But I really mean it, horny juice or not.”

Your heart squeezes inside your chest, not believing your lucky stars for allowing you to meet this wonderful boy in front of you. You can hardly believe your ears; never in your wildest dreams would you ever expect that he would also like you back.

“Seokjin, I also—” you begin, ready to spill your feelings all over the floor, but the moment is broken when Seokjin abruptly lifts you by the ass, his palms squeezing you as he barrels determinedly to his bedroom. You shriek in surprise, clutching onto his neck and holding on for dear life. “What the fuck? Seokjin, put me down!”

“No time for feelings! We can talk after we fuck,” he hoots, bouncing you onto the bed. You grunt from the impact, disoriented by the quick turn of events. Your head is spinning, so you don’t even register Seokjin’s hands peeling off your pants in one smooth motion.

A mixture of the cold air and nerves causes your legs to be littered with goosebumps. Seokjin, ever the attentive familiar, notices and rubs soothing circles all over, the heat inside of you coming back with a vengeance. “Sorry about that, baby,” he coos, massaging you. You shake your head, telling him it’s alright.

You are embarrassed when you feel how your panties stick uncomfortably against your skin, already so painfully aroused as if you had been the one affected by the potion. Your shame melts away when you see how much worse Seokjin is, however, as his nostrils flare with want. 

“I’m glad my nose still works, by the way. I don’t know what I’d do if I missed the opportunity to smell your pretty pussy,” he sighs, situating himself in between your legs. He blows gently against your clothed slit, effectively causing all coherency to leave you for the night.

He watches your reactions slyly, his body heat radiating off of him in waves. For once, he looks more like predator than prey. “I know I said I was desperate to fuck you, but do you mind if I start with an appetizer first? I wanted cake today, but turns out my dessert was here all along…” he trails off, smirking when he catches the steadily growing spot on your underwear. “Oh, baby. I know you’re going to be the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“I-I,” you stutter, shuddering with desire. You whimper pathetically as he traces your panties with a fingernail, your stomach clenching with desire. “I didn’t know you could be like this.”

“Like what?” he hums, pulling your panties off to join your discarded pants. He grins at the sight of your glistening core, wetting his lips in anticipation. “God, you’re so pretty. I could just eat you up.”

“Then why don’t you?” you reply, trying to gain some semblance of control. That silly notion is thrown out the window, however, the moment Seokjin licks a fat stripe up your cunt. “Ngnnhh, fuck!”

Seokjin moans in tandem with you, slurping you up like a starved man. “Baby, you’re just as good as I thought. I could cum from eating you out alone.” He takes a deep breath, kissing your core almost chastely. “Fuck, I know I could cum from this alone,” he amends, rubbing his clothed length against the bed sheets.

The velvety wet heat of his tongue on your dripping pussy makes you clench around nothing, ripping a scream out of you when he focuses directly on your clit. He sucks with an obscene grin on his face, holding your hips down when your entire body begins to tremble.

“So sensitive,” Seokjin says, sluggish and gravelly like he’s drunk on your taste. “So fucking sensitive. How are you real, baby?”

“Jinnie, please,” you whine, doing your best to grind on his tongue despite his iron hold on you. “I want more, please.”

Seokjin only chuckles darkly, continuing his vicious pace. “C’mon, use my tongue like you want,” he says, letting go of you and allowing you to hump his mouth with reckless abandon.

You do as he says, swirling your hips against him with reckless abandon. The heat in your abdomen steadily builds, and you know you’re only seconds away from tipping over. “I’m close, Seokjin,” you huff, chasing your high. “Please, let me cum? Can I cum, Seokjinnie?”

He nods his head, unable to respond verbally as you continue to assault his tongue. After three more licks, you release with a silent scream, writhing violently from the strength of it. 

He gives your clit one last sweet peck, sitting up with a feral grin on his face. His chin is dripping with your arousal, his plump lips redder than usual. He makes a show of licking your juices around his mouth, chuckling when all you can do is swallow wantonly.

“Thank you for the meal, baby,” he teases, his lust-riddled gaze slightly clearer now that he’s had a proper taste of you. However, the glaring tent in his shorts is still painfully present, a small darkened patch visible on his crotch.

“Wan’ your cock,” you slur, boneless and blissed out but still filled with the longing for more. “Fill my cunnie until I can’t walk anymore,” you croak, pussy twitching for extra measure. Seokjin’s expression twists, his pupils widening until his eyes are pitch black.

Seokjin doesn’t waste any more time. He rips his shorts off in record time, stripping himself of his shirt as well. You remove your own shirt and bra, causing your nipples to harden from the cold air. You tweak them as you wait for Seokjin to get himself situated, hungrily appreciating his beautiful torso and god-like shoulders. “Don’t use a condom, Jinnie. I want to feel all of you,” you say when he begins to reach inside his dresser. You can physically feel his unhinged desire growing from your words, your pussy dripping in anticipation.

“Gonna fill your pretty pussy, huh? Fill you until you have my babies?” he rasps, positioning his cock in front of you. “Gonna plug you up with my cum, Y/N? Is that what you want?”

You cant your hips upward, whining when his tip only just grazes your lips teasingly. “Fuck me already,” you beg. “Want you to ruin me.”

“Who am I to deny you? Ask and you shall receive,” he grins, before slowly pushing inside. Your jaw drops at the intrusion, as it’s been a while since you’ve last gotten fucked like this. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Almost like your pussy is sucking me in,” he groans, straining to keep himself from thrusting all the way into you. “Like you’re made for me.”

“You can m-move faster. I can take it,” you whisper, eyebrows pulling together. You sound desperate to your own ears, the pain and pleasure mixing deliciously and making your cunt weep with want. 

There is a moment of hesitation on Seokjin’s part, but that all drains away when he sees your determination. Without another warning, he shoves himself up to the hilt, causing you to arch your back with a loud cry.

“Fuck,” he curses, but there is still worry in his eyes. “Baby, are okay? Are you good?”

It takes you a moment to remember how to speak. “C’mon, Seokjin. Move. I can take it,” you beg. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he moans, but nods his head anyway.

Seokjin pulls back until only his tip remains inside you before slamming back harshly, hard enough that you’re sliding backward. He begins his brutal pace, his dick stretching you out nicely like he promised. You let out tiny squeaks with every pump of cock, hitting you perfectly in the spot that makes you see stars.

“Kiss me?” you gasp out in between moans, pulling him by the hair until you’re kissing him sloppily. It’s more teeth than anything, as Seokjin grunts into your mouth with every tug of his roots. You bite his bottom lip after a particularly rough thrust, but it only encourages him to pick up the pace.

You wrap your legs around his torso, pulling him as close as humanly possible. You can already feel your second orgasm approaching rapidly, your toes curling in anticipation.

“Seokjinnie, I’m gonna cum soon. Please, I can’t hold it—”

“I’m close too,” he says hotly in your ear. He sucks a bruise into your neck, moaning when he feels your pussy tighten in response. He drills into your cunt faster, the rhythm of his thrusts growing sloppy as he reaches his own release. He reaches down between the two of you, rubbing circles into your clit. “Fuck, baby. Cum with me?”

You sob his name, your muscles contracting as your body lights up with intense pleasure. Your back arches off the bed, your walls milking Seokjin dry until thick white ropes of cum start leaking in rivulets down your sopping cunt and all over your thighs. You can feel his throbbing length inside you as continuous streams of hot seed keep flowing from him, filling you to the brim.

Seokjin slowly comes to a complete halt, but he still hasn’t pulled out. “I’m gonna keep my cum in you for a moment, okay? Don’t wanna waste any of it, right?”

You can only nod tiredly in agreement, completely tuckered out. Your chest heaves from your laboured breathing, but the smile on your face can only be described as content. “Wow. Color me surprised. Didn’t think you’d wanna be a father so early,” you say hoarsely.

Now sated, Seokjin’s demeanor returns to its normal state, his aura less crazed than before. He has the decency to look embarrassed, but the twinkle in his eyes shows that he doesn’t regret it in the slightest. “I’d be more than happy to be the father of your children. We’re already going to live with each other forever, so I might as well raise your children anyway.”

“Might as well?” you laugh, pressing a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. “You make it sound like it’s your obligation. And who said I’d live with you forever?”

“Well, I mean, who else is going to love you the way that I do?” he murmurs, nuzzling your noses together. “Who else would be your annoyingly handsome hamster familiar?”

“Quite,” you grumble, allowing him to maneuver you into a more comfortable cuddling position. You kiss him properly this time, enjoying the sweet, warm pleasure of his affection. You’ve never felt so happy in your life. “Happy birthday, Seokjin. I’m sorry this isn’t the way I planned for it to go, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Agreed. It’s just like us, huh?” he snorts. He cushions your face against his chest, carding his fingers tenderly through your hair. “Say… Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me, what does your pink hair actually mean?”

You chuckle, snuggling deeper into his comforting scent. You feel yourself slipping into slumber, eyelids threatening to fall. You’ve always loved cuddling Seokjin, after all. But most of all... 

I love you, of course. “I think you already know, genius.”

Even when the sun finishes its descent from the sky and darkness fills the room, the bright pink of your hair glows—unfaltering.

[anjaelle]

Heavy Weight

Pair: Boxer!August Walker x Black!OFC Warnings: Mention of Blood, Mention of Bruising, Mentions of Depression, Mention of Abuse, Mention of Self Harm; Some comfort.  Summary: The various ways in which a man learns about vulnerability. Word Count: 1.5k a/n: This is some dark shit. Idk where this came from, and I’m sorry if it triggers someone. I tried not to be too graphic. More of the focus is on him than the relationship, if that makes sense.

________________________________________________________

  “Tell me... if I’m doing too much,” he sighed between kisses, “tell me if you need me to let up.” 

 She smiled against his mouth, placing a splayed hand on his firm chest, “I will.” 

“I’m serious.”

“I know.” 

The very first time he touched her, he worried that his hands were too rough with callouses. It was something that weighed heavy on this mind, so much so that it may have affected his performance. If she noticed, she didn’t say anything about it. She was too polite to do things like that, so of course she wouldn’t. 

Sometimes he questioned why she stayed with someone who couldn’t relax. She pressed her delicate fingers into the muscles of his back and joked that the tension could crack a diamond. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, allowing himself to fall deeper into the softness of her. This time, his  hands tangled into her thick curls as he placed kisses along the curve of her throat. She giggled, and it sounded like a melodic bell. 

He wanted to shield her from the world he came from. Women like her couldn’t handle the brutality of his life, and he wouldn’t blame them. It just meant that he didn’t spend much time getting invested. When she asked to see him fight, he shut her down immediately, claiming that it wasn’t her scene. It resulted in a small argument, and she conceded. But it was a hollow victory when he came home to an empty apartment. Eventually he offered a compromise: she could watch the match from home. It was the only way he could stomach it--he couldn’t bear to imagine her face in the crowd as he used the hands she loved for violence. 

And then he lost. 

And he came home bitter and tired. She reached up to brush his hair from his swollen eye and he flinched away from her before excusing himself to go to the bathroom. As soon as he found the strength to confront her, she pressed a bag of frozen peas to his face in an effort to bring the swelling down. He protested. She underestimated how much battering he could take, and he told her as much, forcing a grin on his split lips. 

“I’m a big boy,” he semi-joked, “I’ll be alright.” 

He wouldn’t touch her that night. He couldn’t. His knuckles were bruised, and his mouth was bloody. He was angry about losing, and he didn’t want to be held or kissed. Instead he spent the night on the couch, watching footage of his father in his prime. Every time she checked on him, he murmured that he’d be in bed soon, only choosing to go to bed when he was sure she was asleep and wouldn’t ask him questions. 

The second time she watches him fight, she calls him as soon as its over. The high of victory doubles when he hears her voice, and he just wants to go home to her.

“You did so well, baby!” She exclaims, “I’m so proud of you. We have to celebrate!” 

 Instead the crew took him to a bar without her. He lost count of how much whiskey he drank, how many girls he ignored, how many pats on the back he received from strangers. And as the night progressed, and the alcohol wore off,  the guilt hit him like a freight train. 

When he finally arrived home, she was asleep on the couch, curled up in one of his gym hoodies that fit snugly in some places and baggy in others. For once, he was glad he sobered up before he came home. He didn’t want to forget this image. He picked her up, and she mumbled tiredly into his shoulder. 

“You didn’t come home...” she sighed.

“I tried. I’m sorry.” 

He removed his liquor stained shirt and jeans, and crawled into bed with her, placing kisses on her forehead. 

“Don’t leave me behind, okay?” she said. He wasn’t sure what she meant. Maybe she was talking in her sleep. He swallowed hard and held her close.

“I won’t.” 

The third time she watches him fight, he loses again. And she watches him shrink into himself, live on national television. He came home bruised and battered, but he forced a smile on his face when she greeted him at the door. It didn’t meet his eyes, and she noticed. She made an attempt to ask if he was okay, and as usual he brushed it off as just disappointment. 

It was more than that, and they both knew it. 

Once again, he refused to touch her. She reached out to rub his back as he passed her in the kitchen, and he flinched, his shoulders tensing up. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked with pleading eyes, “Does something hurt?” 

He hesitated and sighed, “A little.” 

That was a start.

He held her hand as she led him to the bathroom, and he effortlessly lifted her onto the countertop so that they were eye-level. 

“Let me look at you,” she gently commanded, which brought a small spark of amusement to his eyes. He couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips.

“So you’re going to play doctor now?”

“Shush,” she cupped his face in her hands and kissed his crooked nose. 

She applied ointment to the cuts on his knuckles and wrapped them up with a kiss. His heart melted. “Looks good,” he said, flexing his hand, “I might have to let you in the locker room before the matches.” 

She smiled brightly at the compliment, “See! I can help, sometimes. You should let me do this more often. Y’know?” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, “Didn’t I tell you not to leave me behind? Let me take care of you, August.” 

Something crossed his features. It was the first time she’d ever seen it.

“Fuck, I love you so much.” He confessed, grasping her face in his hands.

He pressed a long kiss to her soft lips. For once, he willed himself to forget the events of the night. He wrapped her thighs around his hips and sighed into her mouth. She felt his heartbeat thud rapidly against her chest, and his breathing picked up. Suddenly she felt the wetness on her cheeks. 

“Babe,” she tried to pull away, but he moved to kiss down her neck, “Baby...”

He said nothing but pulled her closer to rest his head on her shoulder. Suddenly he hyperventilated and his body shook with sobs. Despite his comparatively massive frame, he felt so small in her arms as she held him and let him cry. 

--

It took some time to open up. She made the suggestion based on her own experiences, but it was ultimately his decision to take the leap. He was uncomfortable. He didn’t really like talking. But he was tired of feeling angry all the goddamn time. 

“Why are you a boxer?”

“I guess it seemed like the best case scenario? I’ve always been a good fighter. I might as well get paid to punch people in the face. It’s a better use of my time and energy.” And his anger. But that didn’t seem like something he wanted to admit. He didn’t want the guy to think he was a lunatic with violence issues. 

“How do you feel in the ring?” 

“I don’t know. Fine, I guess. Sometimes it just feels like a game. Like a strategy thing...I hate losing though.” 

He scribbled something down on his stupid yellow notepad.

“Well, that’s understandable. Losing sucks.” 

“Yeah, but it feels like an extra punch in the gut. I just really hate losing. It makes me feel like I shouldn’t even have my job in the first place.” 

Doctor So-and-So raises his eyebrows behind his thick rimmed glasses. 

“Why do you feel that way?”

“My job is to win matches. What the hell do I have to gain from losing them?” He chuckled bitterly, “I used to just let my cuts and bruises fester. Just so I’d remember how much the shit sucks and I won’t lose again. I feel like I only lose when I forget what losing feels like.” 

There’s a heavy pause after that admission, and the therapist scribbles something else down. 

“August, there’s no shame in failure. Why do you feel like you should punish yourself for human error?” 

“How else will I improve?” He automatically said. Then he caught himself, dropping his head in his hands, “Fuck. Fuck that old bastard to hell. I thought that shit was normal,” he admitted. “I thought every guy dealt with this. It helped you build a thicker skin. I don’t think I’d have the career I do if it wasn’t for him. I always think, ‘whatever these guys hit me with, I’ve dealt with worse from my old man’.” 

That was the first time he’d admitted any of this aloud. The feeling was strange, like a small weight lifted from his shoulders. It wasn’t much, but it was something...

[writemywaytoyourheart]

BTS Reaction: Accidentally Hurting You During A Fight

Requested: many many moons ago. but like I said, ya girl is working her tail off to get these done now and I'm so sorry ;-; also, I made it more accidental, I felt like you have to intentionally slap someone, but idk maybe I'm wrong haha

Genre: fluff, angst if ya squint real good -_-

Warnings: nothing really, this is all pure accidental, no abuse.

Hope you like it^^

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KIM SEOKJIN:

chip.exe. has stopped working

Your husband angrily unbuckles his seat belt and gets out of the car, slamming his door and stalking towards the house. You sigh and unbuckle, not really wanting to follow him in but not really having any other choice.

When you open the door, you see him on the couch, a scowl on his face as he scrolls on his phone. You sigh again and sit on the couch a bit away from him. “Jin, why are you mad at me? It wasn’t my idea for them to invite him.” You pout and he scoffs before looking at you over his phone.

“You should’ve known your friends would do something like that.”

It’s true.

They weren’t the best group of people, you only hung out with them because you don’t have many other friends. You know they only befriended you because your husband is famous, but again, you’re lonely. But you really didn’t know they would be inviting your ex to the party. You would never have gone if you did. Still, you could’ve made better decisions.

“Jin please, I was stupid and I’ll admit that. Please don’t be mad at me.”

He gets up from the couch and walks away, wanting to calm down in the room before discussing things further. He just needs to take a minute to collect his thoughts.

Your ex was abusive and dangerous, and Seokjin got scared. He was scared for your safety and it came out in anger this time, knowing something bad could’ve happened to you.

He doesn’t realize you followed him though, so he shuts the bedroom door roughly and it swings back hitting you right in the face just as you were about to go in after him. He flinches when he hears a loud bang and you gasp in pain.

“Ouch! What was that for?” You hold your nose gingerly and glare at him, thinking he did it on purpose. Jin looks really confused until he realizes what happened. Then he gasps and walks over to you. “Oh my gosh, princess I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were there.” He frowns and reaches out to take your face gently. You try to hide your smile at the fact that he called you by your favorite pet name, which means he’s not angry anymore.

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” He says again sadly, so you smile and hug him, “Oh it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt too bad anymore.” Jin hugs you back and kisses your head sweetly.

“I’m also sorry for getting so angry with you. I was just afraid what might happen to you, and it came out wrong.” He says quietly, still hugging you tightly. You hum and tuck your face into the crook of his neck, giving him a kiss to let him know everything is okay. 

“Let’s get some ice for your nose, princess.” Jin says before sweeping you up off the ground and carrying you bridal style to the living room

MIN YOONGI:

I want an hug 

“Yoongi~ Please come g-get me, I’mmm dlunk…I sink…I sink I dlunk but I no know any...what?”

Yoongi groans at the sound of your voice coming through the phone. He knew this would happen. You insisted on going out with your girls tonight and he just knew it would end up like this. He takes a deep breath and tries to stay calm.

“Where are you?” He grits out.

You hiccup and shrug even though he can’t see it. “I sink I’m at the bar? I sink maybe?”

He groans again as he grabs his jacket and car keys, “Which bar, Y/n? I’m going to come get you. But I need to know which one you’re at.”

“Umm….um I’m at this bar I sink.”

Yoongi curses and tells you to sit down and not move until he gets there. Then he looks up your phone on the tracker you and he have for instances such as these. He quickly locates you and jumps in the car to go and get you.

When he sees you leaning against the wall outside the bar with a man that’s getting up in your grill, he grits his teeth and stomps towards the pair of you. The man is yanked to the side by Yoongi grabbing his collar, then you feel a strong grip on your arm. “Ow. That hurts.” You whine, but your husband isn’t having it. He drags you away from the bar and towards the car.

On the way, your heel twists and you trip from how hard he’s pulling you. You fall on the ground and hiss in pain. “Ouch! You’re a meanie!” You cry, touching your sore ankle tenderly.

Yoongi immediately feels guilty. He crouches down and touches your ankle, pulling back when you wince. “Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to make you trip.” Through your drunken state you can see him frown, so you pat his cheek, a bit hard, and smile goofily. “Is okiiieee baby, I fowgive you.”

He chuckles and scoops you up in his arms, still feeling really bad about hurting you. He carries you to the car and up the stairs when you get home. Getting you a glass of water and some headache medicine, he sits on the edge of the bed and holds your hand until you’re out like a light.

JUNG HOSEOK:

oh save me 

“I said I’m not finished, Y/n!” Hoseok raises his voice and you frown at his attitude. “Ok, you know what? I didn’t do anything wrong for you to treat me this way, Hobi. You promised you’d have dinner with me tonight and now I find you still practicing after everyone else has gone home. How is that fair to me?”

You cross your arms and watch him roll his eyes, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead. He walks closer to you, a frown etched into his usually cheerful face. “If I need to work on something, you need to respect that.”

You scoff in disbelief. “Excuse me? And what about you respecting me? I canceled all my plans and I took the time to get ready so I could be with you. You’re the one at fault here, Hobi.”

Your fiancé rolls his eyes and yanks the jacket he had on off, then he turns and walks away. You glare at the back of his head and mutter, “You suck at keeping promises. I should’ve known.” That sets him off and he stalks back towards you. “Don’t you ever stop? Are you wanting to fight or something?” He growls angrily and you glare at him defiantly.

“You started it by breaking your promise and wasting my time.”

Before he starts yelling, he takes a deep breath and walks away again, throwing the jacket he isn’t using behind him angrily.

Except he didn’t consider the fact that you’re right behind him.

The jacket whips you in the face, and it probably wouldn’t have hurt except the zipper hit your eye and you yelp in pain.

Hoseok turns around at your cry and sees you clutching your right eye. “Shit. Babe, are you okay?” He immediately comes back and tries to take your face to look at your eye. But you pull away and glare at him with your one good seeing orb.

“Don’t touch me.”

He frowns at your tone but brings his hands back anyway. He knows he took it too far and he’s the one in the wrong, he just doesn’t know how to apologize for it right now.

You wince and cup your face again, then you head to the door, not wanting to be here any longer. Hobi follows you and gently takes your elbow. “y/n, wait. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you, it was an accident. And I’m sorry for what I said, that was a jerk move.”

You hesitate and listen to him ramble. “It was stupid of me to stay and make you wait and even stupider to blame you and take it out on you. I’m really sorry. Please don’t leave.”

You sigh and turn to see him still frowning guiltily at your now red eye. “Oh, I forgive you, you big idiot.” You chuckle and he gives you a small smile. He still feels like shit for hurting you.

“Can I help you with your eye?” He asks and you nod. Then he grabs his bags and leads you out of the room to find some ice, “We can get takeout tonight, then I’ll take you for dinner tomorrow when your eye is better.”

You look at him warily and he laughs, “I promise, I won’t let you down this time.”

He didn’t 😉

KIM NAMJOON:

Huhuhuuu cute

Namjoon drops his bag by the front door with a tired grunt. Today was long, and ridiculous. It seems like every little thing that could’ve gone wrong, did. All he wants to do is take a shower, eat some food, and go to sleep. He hears you humming in the kitchen and sighs again in relief before walking to where you are.

“I’m going to wash up.” He says blankly, taking you by surprise. You turn and smile brightly at him, “Hey, baby! You’re home! I’m making your favori-“ You cut yourself off when he just nods and walks away to the back. You frown, trying not to let it get to you. He must’ve had a bad day, you think as you finish up making dinner.

Namjoon comes out fifteen minutes later, his hair damp as he sits at the table and eats silently. You try to make conversation, but he just keeps blowing you off, so you stop trying. He finishes eating and immediately goes to get ready for bed. You do the dishes, in a sour mood yourself now, then you head to get ready as well. You see him lying on the bed and reading a book. When you come out from the bathroom, he’s still ignoring you. So, you climb in bed and try to tell him goodnight.

“I’m sorry if you had a bad day.” You say quietly, then you see him roll his eyes and continue reading. That does it. You reach over and try to take the book out of his hand so he’ll at least look at you. But when your fingers grip the book, he wrenches it away from you and a page of the book slices your finger. You hiss and bring your finger to your face, trying not to cry from how bad it stung.

“A-are you okay?” Namjoon looks at you worriedly, not meaning to hurt you when he pulled away. You just stay silent and glare at him before walking to get yourself a band-aid, giving him a taste of his own medicine. He sighs, knowing that he messed up big time.

When you come back and lay down, you turn your back to him and close your eyes. When you feel his arms on your waist you push them off roughly. Namjoon sighs again and whispers, “I’m sorry, honey. I had a horrible day, but that’s no excuse. I took it out on you when you did nothing wrong. Then I hurt you, because I was being stupid.”

You can hear the sadness in his voice, so you turn around and look at him blankly. “You’re a jerk.”

“I know.”

“I hate papercuts.”

“I know, babe. I’m sorry.”

You frown and nudge his shoulder, making him look at you, guilt filling his gaze. “As long as you promise not to behave like that again, I’ll forgive you.”

“I promise, love.”

“Ok.” You give him a small smile and he smiles back before grabbing your hand and giving your bandaged finger a kiss.

PARK JIMIN:

eyeyeyeyeyeyeuueuhelpme

Jimin saw you talking to Taehyung a lot tonight. You were at the boys’ dorm hanging out with them and Taehyung had a lot to talk to you about, catching up since you haven’t seen them in forever.

You never meant to ignore your boyfriend, you just wanted to hang out with the others since you haven’t seen them in so long. But Jimin, being the jealous boy he is, couldn’t stop himself from scowling at the two of you all night. It annoyed him further when Jungkook pointed out that he was looking a little grumpy.

Of course, he’s grumpy! His own girlfriend prefers his friends over him.

A little later in the night you realize that Jimin isn’t sitting on the couch anymore. You look around but don’t see him. After checking in the kitchen and bathrooms, you head to his bedroom.

You knock on the door and walk in when he mumbles a ‘come in’. He’s lying on his bed and scrolling through his phone. When he sees you, he just rolls his eyes and looks back at his phone.

“Chim? Are you okay?” You ask quietly as you close the door and walk over to his bed to stand next to it. He doesn’t respond, he just keeps watching his phone. You frown and reach over to take his phone, but he snatches it away and glares at you.

“So, you suddenly realized I exist, huh?” He snaps.

“What are you talking about?”

“Why do you care? I thought you’d be chatting it up with Taehyung right now.”

“What the hell is your problem?” You growl angrily, not appreciating the way he’s speaking to you. Jimin hesitates, realizing that maybe he’s being a little too dramatic, but his jealousy gets the best of him as he stands up and walks to the door, opening it for you to leave as he snaps.

“Just get out.”

You stare at him in annoyance, then you walk over and try to touch his arm to calm him down so you can figure out what’s going on. But Jimin flinches angrily and accidentally shoves you away from him. You stumble back and look at him in shock. Jimin finally processes what he just did, and his eyes widen.

“Y-y/n, I didn’t mean to-“

You shove past him and walk out of his room, heading straight to the front door. Jimin follows behind you quickly, the other members watch the two of you worriedly as you storm out.

Jimin follows you out onto the porch and takes your arm. You yank it away and glare at him. “What the hell is your problem, Jimin?”

He swallows the lump in his throat and looks at the ground. “I’m sorry. I never meant to push you. I was being stupid and selfish. I was jealous of how much time you were spending with Tae and not me, so I got mad. I really didn’t mean to push you though, I’m so sorry,”

You look at him a while longer, still extremely angry. “I wasn’t purposely ignoring you. You had no right to accuse me of that and then shove me, even if that last part was an accident.”

“I know.” He keeps looking at the ground. “I admit I was an idiot. A selfish idiot.”

You just watch him for another minute, seeing how genuinely upset and remorseful he is.

“I forgive you.” You mumble, making Jimin look up, his eyes brightening. “But that doesn’t mean I’m happy.” You add and he nods. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

KIM TAEHYUNG:

yes sir daddy, daddy sir mister 

You look at all the pretty dresses in the store windows happily, gripping your boyfriend’s hand as you two stroll down the sidewalk. A group of guys pass by, but you pay them no mind. Taehyung, however, notices them staring at your legs immediately. He glowers at them and they look away quickly, but the anger is already there.

“I told you that skirt was too short.” He mutters angrily and you look at him, “What?”

He huffs and looks behind him at the group that’s walking away now. “Those guys were checking you out right in front of me.”

You sigh and squeeze his hand. “Don’t worry, I only have eyes for you, baby. You know that.” He looks away and takes his hand out of yours, upsetting you at his sudden change in behavior. “Tae-“

“Let’s just go home.” He cuts you off.

You cross your arms and stop walking. “No, I don’t want to go home. Just because there was a group of stupid boys, doesn’t mean we have to leave.”

“I told you your skirt was too revealing!”

“That isn’t fair! It’s not too revealing, and I can decide what I want to wear!”

The argument heats up and a few old couples look at you as they pass by, irritating Taehyung even more. To be honest, he loves your style and he trusts you completely. It isn’t even about the skirt, it’s about how much he hates it when guys ogle girls in the streets, and his own girlfriend now at that!

But now he’s just being stubborn and fighting with you about the skirt because you said he was wrong. It’s stupid, and he knows it. But he is too annoyed to care. You glare at him defiantly and stomp your foot. “You’re being a jerk, and I did nothing wrong! It isn’t my fault men can’t keep their eyes to themselves!” Then you turn and walk away in a huff. Taehyung sighs internally and moves to follow you, his nerves still on edge and irritated at fighting with you.

That’s when you go to cross the street, so angry that you didn’t notice the light change, and you almost get hit by an oncoming car. But Taehyung reaches out and grabs your wrist, yanking you back to the sidewalk and shouting, “Be careful! You almost got hit!” His frustration and fear of you getting hurt made him grip your wrist too hard, making you wince in pain.

He notices and let’s go so fast it’s almost like you burned him. “Ah, sorry. I just didn’t want you to get hit. I-I’m sorry, I was too rough.” You hold your reddened wrist and sigh. “You don’t have to get so defensive, Tae.” You grumble and he nods. “I know, I just got annoyed and wanted the last word. I dragged on the argument for no good reason, and I’m sorry.”

You nod and give him a halfhearted smile. “I know you get mad when people look at girls inappropriately, and I’m sorry for being insensitive about that. I guess I got defensive too.” He shakes his head and moves to take your wrist gently, “Your outfit is perfectly fine and you look beautiful baby. I’ll try to keep my temper from now on. I’m so sorry about your wrist.” He looks at it sadly and you touch his cheek. “Hey, don’t worry. I know it was an accident. Thank you for not letting me get hit by a car.” You giggle and he chuckles, nodding his head and kissing you on the cheek.

He takes you into a convenience store to grab a pain relief patch and puts it on your wrist gently. Then he kisses your forehead sweetly and you continue with your date.

JEON JUNGKOOK:

pllsssss….. hug me :(

“Where were you?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes when he sees you crossing your arms and watching him the second he comes in the door. “Practice.”

“Until three in the morning, Jungkook?” You scoff in disbelief.

Jungkook drops his bag and moves past you, “Yeah, actually. Believe it or not, but I actually work.”

You stare at him in disbelief as he walks to the bedroom, not caring at all about what he’s saying. You follow him and glare at him as he changes into his sleep clothes. “I have a job, Jungkook. But I don’t stay out till three in the damn morning doing it. And then fail to inform you I’ll be late and leave you to worry.”

Jungkook sighs and tosses his dirty clothes into the laundry basket before glaring at you. “Teaching children the alphabet and how to color is hardly something to call a job.” He snaps, making your eyes water.

“You don’t have to be such an ass. Just because your job is more physically demanding doesn’t mean I don’t get tired. And that has nothing to do with not telling me you’ll be late and not answering your phone.” You snap back.

Your husband just moves past you to get something to eat before bed, but you aren’t done yet. You follow him and continue angrily. “Now you’re ignoring me? You’re in the wrong here, Jungkook. You didn’t tell me you’d be late, you made me worry, and you’re the one that started being mean first!”

Jungkook has had enough, so he turns around to rant about how annoying and nagging you are. “Just stop it! You’re always nagging me and-“ But he doesn’t know that you’re right behind him when he flings his arms out. One of his hands smacks you hard on the face and you flinch, grabbing your sore cheek as you stumble back and trying not to let your eyes water.

Jungkook’s eyes widen in shock when it clicks in his brain that he just slapped you. “Shit, baby. Fuck, I’m so sorry.” He reaches out to you, but you flinch away. Not because you’re afraid he’ll hurt you again, but because you’re still angry and don’t want him to touch you. It still breaks his heart.

Your watery eyes glare at him and you turn on your heel to go to the room. He follows you but you slam the door in his face, so he stands there, not knowing how to fix what he did. After a minute, he hears you crying and goes to open the door. It’s unlocked thankfully. So, he hurries in and sits next to you on the bed. You’re curled up by the headboard and looking away from him angrily.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. You know I would never hurt you on purpose, don’t you?” He asks sadly, wanting to hug you.

You stay silent for a minute, then nod stiffly. He sighs and reaches to take your chin and tilt your head to see your cheek. When he sees the little red mark, he beats himself up mentally even more.

You turn your glare back to him. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but that doesn’t change the mean things you said.”

Jungkook nods sadly, “I know. I don’t know how to show you how sorry I am…”

“Why were you being such a jerk?”

“I had a rough day, but that doesn’t excuse anything I said. We weren’t allowed to leave practice until we got it right. By the time that happened it was almost three. I came right home after. My phone died so I wasn’t able to text you.” You nod in understanding, but he continues. “You’re an amazing teacher, y/n. I don’t know why I said that about your job, I really didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.”

You shrug, still feeling the raw hurt from his words. “I’m sorry you had a tough day.” You mumble, and he hugs you tightly. “I don’t deserve you, y/n. I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you.”

“Well, you can start by cuddling me to sleep.”

“Deal.” 

=========================================

a/n: sorryy if there are any typos, im so tired ok goodnight. 

[tonya-the-chicken]

I’m not going to change your views but it does feel a bit dismissive when you say it wasn’t that bad because he had rich parents who neglected him but hey they got a maid for him and he probably wasn’t outcasted or bullied so hey it’s not that bad right 🤷‍♀️! I don’t know he definitely didn’t have the worse out of the villains but I don’t know it felt a bit dismissive is all. Although we need to all remember these are fictional characters so have no idea why the other anon needed to get so aggressive! Also the person in the notes I don’t know how to say it but uh the whole the Todoroki’s had a rich father they didn’t have to work a day in their life take is not a good look. Just because someone has parents with money it doesn’t derail the fact that neglect can cause trauma.

Anyways for the real reason I sent this, you wonder why Dabi is so insane. Well take into account the neglect alongside the fact that he burnt to near death up on that hill alone at the age of what 13? That’s got to be extra traumatising, especially for a child that was already not mentally ok. We also don’t know what his circumstances were like after that fire, like was he homeless? Or picked up by someone nefarious? Kind of like AFO(not him exactly but someone nasty) who maybe fed on his brewing anger and hate instead of positive healing. I’m sure we will find out at some point? I don’t think it was just what happened in the Todoroki household or the fire that broke his mind? There had to be other factors after the fire after his “death”!

[[WARNING!!! I love Dabi as a character but I am not a woobifier so if you are too much into him don't read!!!! No complaints taken, y'all will be blocked for being rude I am too old to deal with people unable to interact with me in good faith (anon it's not for you, you are good and I can't understand your point of view I am just not as good as a person and too old for that shit)]]

I don't think I will change my mind either but I feel like the belief that every trauma is equally bad is just... Simply wrong. Like, we can legit compare this stuff and how badly it affects our brain, what do y'all think psychologists research 🤷‍♀️ Like, your therapist won't tell you this because it's not their job to make you understand you not the centre of the Earth (and it won't help because it is a legit trauma response that is very valid but is annoying you're fucking 25 yo). And to say that, neglectful parenthood is probably the worst parenthood style, as far as I know XD I wrote coursework about this (neglectful bitches are having a lot of need to make us the biggest victims (the bitches is me))... It also feels really American to me? Like, are we going to pretend people who got to live in a nice house and were neglect somehow got it as bad as people living in poverty or warzones? Hello? Imagine telling some orphan "I know you have no parents but actually, my trauma of my father not spending enough time with me is just as severe as yours". Bruh couldn't be me sorry... Like, even taking into account the fact that we can have weaker or stronger nervous systems or be more prone to depressive episodes *looks in the mirror and cries* I simply wouldn't find the guts to say my trauma is as severe as idk people who had physically abusive parents or no parents at all or who were disowned for being gay

And like **again** I am not saying that neglect is not traumatic I WAS NEGLECTED THIS IS TRAUMATIZING AS FUCK. I just am living in a country at war and with lots of discrimination problems and I like... Can't say I am the biggest victim. Sorry I can't though there were times when I was a lot more bitchy especially before being in therapy so I understand where you are coming from and I know what I am saying won't resonate with everyone (it's ok go on your own healing journey I believe in you) but this doesn't mean it is garbage and won't help me or someone else... I've already talked once about it but as a person, I am very easily irritated and envious and really not your local Jesus and partially my trauma turned me like this so being more humble about my sufferings helps me not be a complete bitch (believe me or not but people with traumas and mental illnesses are often insufferable *looks in the mirror* not me though I am perfect... BUT IT IS OK TO BE INSUFFERABLE OK??? like, bitch, that's normal. That's normal to stink when you are depressed it's ok to be a bitch when you are hurting. Forgive yourself because I forgive you (when you are not being an abusive asshole but if you apologize and explain yourself I will forgive that too)

The reason why I talk about the fact he is rich is that I've got a disease called leftism and I am a person of several marginalized identities and since this fandom LOVES looking at characters like real humans, I looked at Dabi this way. And if Dabi was a real human, I wouldn't sympathize with him one bit. I would fucking hate him for being the biggest entitled asshole who commits crimes for the reason his Daddy didn't give him attention. Bitch, my Dad didn't give me attention either! But somehow I don't kill people! And I don't even have money!!!! But like... I am not denying that neglectful parents are not a problem. It is. But he is overreacting, bro. He needs to humble down and recognize the fact he is a fucking idiot (he is). He has inherently so much more resources to recover and heal himself than I had... Yes, I am just being jealous at this point but honestly. Making an entire country suffer for you is not a good thing and y'all need to stop using trauma and mental illness as an excuse for people. No! Being abusive to people because of neglect is not valid, is overreacting and you had no reason to do that. I am dismissing your trauma because you are exaggerating it to make me sympathize with your asshole behaviour. I won't judge people with different sets of standards as I judge myself

I bet it would be dismissive and bad if I said it in conversation with someone who is currently struggling with mental health and is not a murderer. But guess what! I don't talk with humans and my friends the same way I talk on my Tumblr about fictional characters 🤷‍♀️ Not to mention I don't have rich friends akabsksbxm

I think with Dabi there's this whole thing where we saw him at 14 (poor baby boy) and 24 (a grown-ass boy) and... Like, I am so sorry for 14 years old Touya not receiving the help he needs (bruh so relatable) but I am not gonna act like 24 years old bitch can't get his ass to a psychiatrist (extremely unrelatable and infuriating). We shouldn't apply the same standards to kids and adults. We can talk all day long about how society is bad and how our parents ruined us but at some points, you gotta take your life into your own hands and do something and be an adult. And it's fucking hard when you're born with a shitty brain that was fucked up by your parents even more in a society where no one gives a fuck but I sincerely don't know another way to live. You will feel bad and want to die but you either keep on recovering or keep on getting worse and at this point getting worse is Dabi's *choice* That's how I live, that's my framework and I am, of course, extremely fortunate in a lot of ways but I just don't know how are you supposed to survive without the notion that grown people are responsible for themselves and their mental health. We can't act like adults are babies

But as a character, Dabi is fucking hot ngl. Like, do I sometimes want to murder my entire family, make them suffer AND commit terrorist attacks? We all do. Dabi is the dark fantasy of us neglectful bitches craving some attention. Gotta kill the president and tell everyone that my Dad sucks. Imagine the entire country hearing your Dad sucks? That's the juice, that's the dream. Trauma makes you vicious. I get the sentiment. Imagine all those fuckers who made you feel like shit pissing their pants and crying? Imagine your Mom being afraid of you the way you used to be afraid of her? People do have the desire for some violent justice but like... Think of bullied kids committing school shootings. But instead of a kid, it's a grown man who graduated school and who also have a rich father

Ok too much about irl stuff and philosophy shit. I know my way of talking is kinda brute so just know the way I treat people is different from that I treat fictional characters, in particular, I don't call real-life humans submissive and breedable... And stuff...

Damn Dabi is kinda good to project your hatred of your parents in bruh, I should write a fanfic about that (would be cathartic)

To the plotline, I am also very interested in what the hell happened with him after burning because... How the hell he wasn't found? I kind of DON'T want him to be groomed at this point because I feel like it won't be as cool as him just more naturally evolving into what he became. Like, surely, he is an asshole but consider this: as a villain, he is morally obligated to be an asshole

I feel like someone hiding him and Touya overstating the gruesomeness of his living conditions to the dude so he feels *bad* for him and hides him and feels sympathy and Touya gets attention but also begins to reassure himself in the fact his Dad needs to be punished... Idk it's a lot of mystery but I feel like more suffering won't deliver the point the way I want it... I mean it CAN be handled this way and initially I thought a lot about Dabi being brainwashed a bit or having his memories altered so it seems worse to him or even him being groomed or lied too but nowadays I am not into it. I mean I believe in Horikoshi and that he will handle him well 🛐

I talk a lot so I will summarize

If we judge him as a real human

14 yo Touya - DID NOTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE PROTECT HIM

24 yo Dabi - go fuck yourself bitch you older than me and act like a child and kill people, I couldn't care less about your trauma rich boy

If you want me to talk as his psychologist

Yeah, it is painful and sad, I understand him so much and surely, his trauma is valid as is his hatred but probably revenge won't bring him what he wants. And what he wants is love and attention. But he gotta make choices that will lead to his healing. He needs to *want* to heal. And we will step by step go to the healing because it is possible. He is loved and he is enough. AND YOU ALL MOTHERFUCKERS WILL HEAL I BELIEVE IN YOU BESTIES

Also his therapist (behind his back)

You won't believe it but my client is the most infantile attention whore I've ever met

But if we talk about him as a character... Very delicious soup

If you talk with your friends

Please, if your friends are being abusive to you or someone else don't even LET them say how their trauma made them this way. No. Nothing allows you to be an abuser. Call them out and stop them and make them talk to the therapist. Like, surely, there are extreme situations like severe mental illnesses or extreme neglect where we should be more forgiving but babying adults won't do you any good and won't make them recover

Yeah, I guess this is what I forgot to say. When I say "it wasn't that bad" what I mean is that I would be more forgiving to people who had it worse. It's more of a personal measure where I can tolerate stuff from people who had particular traumas or from those who suffered greatly (it's not my place to be a bitch here). I can forgive 14 years old or a poor person for stealing stuff but not the 25-year-old man who got no need for money and is not a kleptomaniac. I would be more forgiving to Shigaraki than to Dabi because Shigaraki was groomed a whole lot. Same for Toga, who is not even an adult or Twice who is a poor orphan. But that doesn't mean I would forgive them completely. All of them are shitty people. It's just that they had fewer resources and possibilities to not be what they became while Dabi had more but he acts like he is extremely hurt and the biggest victim which is like... There will be people like this in your life, please, don't make friends with them, they WILL abuse you

I talked a lot damn. It's adhd I can't shut up

[choco-mark]

Dreamies reaction to being your roommate or how they would be your roommate? idk if that makes sense..tyyy💖

scenario: nct dream as your roommate

mark

concerned roommate

was really shy when he first met you + when you moved in he was all like making sure to give you space and gave you a little tour of the apartment and even told you a little bit about himself which you found really cute

you thought it would be IMPOSSIBLE to break him out of his barrier but he eventually did but damn can this boy be WILD

you don’t let him cook because the last time you left your water boiling and asked him to watch it while you went to the bathroom, it ended up on him, yeah you had to tend to his burned skin even though he insisted HE WAS FINE

gets along well with your friends, though they find him kinda hot and ask you why you haven’t gotten laid yet and orders food for them when they’re over (generous bby 🥺)

and at school??? y’all both go to the same uni so bUs riDes but y’all don’t really see each other THAT much but when it does happen, all the dreamies tease him like you’re his girlfriend and you get all flustered as if y’all are actually dating

y’all know well as hell when y’all go out, y’all be sharing the little crappy earbuds on the bus and listening to some r&b + he loves it when you fall asleep on his shoulder but makes fun of you later

falls asleep everywhere and i mean EVERYWHERE, you name it, the horrible excuse of a kitchen, the bathroom, and you even found him in your own room once which led to some TALKS

does the dishes whenever you want him to and doesn’t really care for chores (?) like he doesn’t want to bother you so like he just does them for the sake of the apartment

y’all are mutually afraid of your landlord, who once came banging at y’alls door at 5 in the morning on a monday and you thought you were gonna be robbed but it was just your feisty landlord who had returned from their trip to australia

breaks things A LOT, and i feel like he would try and cover them up if it’s not that big of a deal like ‘mark, why’s there glass in the garbage’ ‘i, um, broke it’ but you know he breaks shit all the time bc that’s the fifth glass

hangs out with you in the living room even if y’all are doing your own thing but you both feel comfortable just feeling the presence of each other

goes shopping for groceries without you, forgets what y’all actually need, and calls you like fifty times (you make him come with you now)

i don’t think mark would really do pranks on you but he might like try and scare you randomly and you being the paranoid babe you are get all jumpy and ‘MARK!!’

has a crush on you but doesn’t know it himself until you get sick one day since you walked home in the rain and he takes care of you and gets all worried (uwu) and then is like ‘OH SHIT’

you fall asleep on the couch while having (rare) movie nights with him, and kinda wants to carry you to your room after the movie’s over but also doesn’t know if he should and has a mental break but you wake up and leave yourself

realizes that he’s falling for you more and more everyday and seems to like your lips a lot more too

you don’t realize that you’re slowly starting to like him too but every time your friends talk about guys and dating you immediately think of mark (uwu bc y’all are besties)

mark finally asks you out on a day in the summer but he’s super nervous and fidgety that you kinda thought he was gonna break some big bad news to you like ‘i’m moving out’

but he actually asks you to date him and you’re like shocked for a bit just sitting there with your ice cream tub in front of the tv watching tom and jerry and he thinks you’re about to reject him before you nod rapidly

literally no one is fazed when y’all announce it to your friends, and they all saw it coming (hyuck and chenle had a bet on who would ask who out and hyuck won a whole 45 dollars)

renjun

responsible roommate

let’s be real, y’all did not get along when y’all first moved in together

renjun was literally the polar opposite of you, liking his space and reading and painting an awful lot, well he’s a fine arts major so, while you’re a little more on the extroverted side, inviting your loud friends over often

y’all had a fight like two days after he moved in about you always having friends over and then being loud and you try defending yourself but you kinda make a fool out of yourself because sweetie is right

a week of so after that you actually think about moving out because you think he like HATES YOUR GUTS and you kinda don’t talk to him at all for a bit

he feels bad after a while seeing you come home and just lock yourself in your room for like…the entire day before you get up early in the morning and leave + wants to make amends but his ego’s too big

ends up just cutting fresh fruit for you around like 2am since you were up doing work (with a frustrated brain) but accidentally walks in on you changing and drops the fruit all on the ground

you swear you’ve never seen a boy so RED before (or have you seen him apologize before) and he literally just STANDS THERE before closing the door

rethinks his entire life on what the HELL he just saw, and why he liked it so much but comes in after you tell him too (you’re kinda embarrassed too, you know, seeing the pretty pink undies hehe)

you apologize first about your friends and stuff though he feels bad for just yelling at you about it rather than like, talking like a normal person and he just is like ‘fancy some fruit?’

yeah, y’all kinda get closer after that, and he even lets you into his room (which was OFF LIMITS before), and you get to see his artwork which is wow phenomenal

y’all cook together and make it like it’s some kind of vlog (though y’all suck at that shit, so it’s just fake youtube), and the food ends up like pretty decent at the end

he doesn’t go to the same uni as you, but since you don’t leave early in the morning anymore, y’all walk together until you have to part ways

renjun has the dreamies over VERY RARELY but he goes out to their apartments often, he won’t admit it but he doesn’t want donghyuck to meet you because you might fall in love with him like everyone else seemed to

donghyuck does meet you though, and it’s safe to say that his flirting did not work on you! which was surprisingly relieving to renjun, and he didn’t even realize he was so relieved that you didn’t give a shit

you now only have your friends over whenever renjun’s not there just for the sake of him, but you usually go out instead too so…sometimes there’s an empty house bc y’all are way too considerate for each other

once you met him on your way back from your friend’s and it was like the spider-man meme like ‘boy, i left because of you’ and vice versa

there isn’t really a big hassle on chores in your apartment unless either of your families are coming for a visit because then it is..like renovating time

‘just take the couch out of the living room, it looks ugly’ + “bitch, where tf are they gonna sit then??’

he once got clothing stuck in the bottom of the washing machine and it was WALKING (i’m not kidding guys, this shit happens) + y’all had to call your landlord who wasn’t too happy

and talk about escalating the relationship..y’all are practically best friends by now even though you both are literal opposites

he doesn’t really ask you out like at all but gets all emotionally defensive when you’re about to go on a blind date that one of your friends set up for you

‘just go with me’

and you’re like…babe that’s not how it works but eventually you get the message (after a while) and you’re like ‘oh, you mean you actually want to go with me’

ends up taking you to the same cafe you were supposed to meet the other guy at and buys you food for the first time but kisses you with a spontaneous burst of confidence

but then it’s all flustered renjun™

jeno

feisty roommate

moved in with you bc you both are best friends and thought that y’all had ENOUGH time living in dorms on campus at uni

you literally don’t know how to deal with him at first because this boy is a messy mf and leaves everything everywhere which gets you all riled up

eventually you just threaten to throw his computer out the window if he doesn’t do the goddamn dishes once this semester and does them in fear

it worked the first few times but he saw it coming after a while and just threatened to throw you out the window, while holding half your body out of the fifth floor window

let’s just say the neighbors probably thought you were being abused from your screams, and it was proven when cops showed up at your doorstep about an hour later

that was probably the most terrifying and awkward conversation you had ever had with someone, even though it was mostly jeno talking to them while you were standing slightly behind him with your hand on the sleeve of his jacket

they eventually left and you almost cried because you were so scared you were gonna get arrested for no reason, and because you were too broke to bail yourself out of a jail and jeno was like ‘yeah it happens’

well, he didn’t hold you out of a window again, that was for sure but he made sure to take his time out of playing games and doing work to do some chores so you wouldn’t be doing all of them

jeno doesn’t mind your friends over, though he hates it when one of them try to hit on him even as a joke, and the last time that happened, you ended up just kicking her out because you were so fed up

dreamies come over pretty often actually, and raid your kitchen too which is sad because your stock of cheap alcohol is gone is less than a few minutes

they once all ended up drunk and on the floor of your living room except for jisung, who had been forbidden to drink, and you ended playing cards with him for like two hours before jeno dragged him out of your room

he didn’t invite them over for a month after that because he thought jisung hit on you (the literal high schooler, smh) but didn’t tell you that so you just thought he was mad at them

takes you clothing shopping with him because he has no fashion sense and doesn’t want to admit it to jaemin but you both usually end up at a fast food restaurant eating fries

you both are allergic to cats, but he has three and they’ve grown on you

cooking is usually rare in your apartment, but there always seem to be so many FUCKING DISHES, jeno usually just orders food for the both of you over weekends and breaks while slowly realizing he’s gonna go into debt if he keeps buying sm food

you start playing overwatch because him (which actually just started out as you being curious on how to play) and now you’re hooked, and he’s jealous because you’re actually good

ends up fighting for his computer back because you kept using it, but let you for a while bc he kinda found it cute seeing you sitting in his huge gaming chair wearing oversized clothing and battling like a boss

he doesn’t regret ever moving in with you bc it’s earned him some very interesting experiences that he couldn’t really trade for the world

his heart does a thing when he finds you asleep at his desk past midnight, and isn’t really sure if he should wake you up or not but ends up tucking you into his bed and he takes home on the couch

anyway the couch was fucking COLD but you woke up literally in his scent, and damn were you confused but you found him in the living room under a thin blanket

yeah, you scold him for that because he catches a cold and he’s a whole baby when he’s sick

okay, he’s like barely sick but he’d be like ‘y/n help me, i can’t get up’ and you get all worried bc he looks so tired but he just wants the care (evil jeno hehe)

you feel bad bc it was kinda your fault that he had to sleep on the couch and you apologize while bringing him food and stuff and his heart does a thing again and he’s like..this is my best friend, i’m a fucking idiot

yeah but he’s in love with you, it’s just a matter of time before one of you confessed

donghyuck

bratty roommate

hyper king who was the pretty but loud boy in one of your classes + he asked you to move in with him when he overheard you talking to a friend about needed to move out of the dorm

he didn’t actually think you’d take him seriously, but is glad because he has a bit of a crush on you and is planning on making you fall for him

you know the drill already though, he’s the guy that everyone falls for, so you’re determined not to!!

donghyuck is the definition of a brat, and pulls pranks on you constantly which you always innocently fall for, marking his happiness

you get him back though, filling his shampoo bottle with hair dye that he actually falls for (and you know it from the screech that comes from the bathroom around 3am)

but you’re back in class and he looks like a hot mf with this silver hair, making you regret the fact that you bought silver instead of red

donghyuck actually falls harder and harder for you though, though he’s trying to keep up his whole playboy fanatic and it’s getting hard for you

he sucks at basic things though, and runs away when you tell him it’s his turn to do the dishes (like, he runs out of the apartment)

dreamies are over, but not that much, you kinda think chenle and renjun hate your guts from the way they always eye you (also since you don’t hesitate to kick their asses out)

donghyuck prefers going out too, and planning very intricately how to make your life more miserable!!

is good at cooking but he’s too flirty to actually get anything done without you threatening to stab his eyes out

overheard you complaining to your friend one day over the phone about how hyuck is such a nuisance and basically you’re thinking about moving out because he’s so fucking HARD to live with

gets a little sad knowing that you just see him as annoying and tones down his bratty behavior to a record breaking low (i swear, it’s almost impossible) and you think he’s possessed

comes home one day to you watching a horror movie in the living room with the lights off and you get frightened out of your wits and even start crying

he’s like ‘fuck’ and thinks you’re hurt or something and gets all cuddly and is like ‘babe, what’s wrong??? who hurt you??’

ends up finding out you’re drunk, because you kept sobbing loudly about the guy that stood you up for a date and from the half empty vodka bottle

gets kinda pissed that someone really stood you up which caused you to drink away your feelings (well, you had other issues as well, but the date was a main component) and he’s actually genuinely worried

tries to get you water when you start coughing but you just cling onto him and tell him not to go away and he swears his heart stopped from the way you looked at him with pleading eyes and a pout

‘i’ll never leave you’

pretty sure he’s in love with you by the next day, and doesn’t fail to let you know by trying to flirt very successfully but you just think it’s hyuck back with his antics again

yeah, it’s not, sweetie’s in love with you and you finally get it!! after a really long time because you have trust issues and hyuck seemed to flirt with everyone before, though now…it happened only with you..wow??

he doesn’t ask you out, and kinda thinks that’s overrated so he just kisses you and well you like it

jaemin

sweetheart roommate

jaemin is the bestest boy on this planet, no one can tell me otherwise

though you guys moved in together because of a roommate switch up with your landlord, you two didn’t really mind it all that much bc y’all got along well!!

the two of you have a pretty calm and very ‘roommate’ kind of relationship because it takes both you a little while to break out of your shells a little bit

it took you a both a month, but the respectfulness of ‘no, i’ll do the dishes’ turned to a more of a friendship at first, though jaemin would admit he saw you as a little more than that, a best friend!!

has a daily order of coffee to your apartment three times a day and offered you a sip once and you could’ve sworn it was the liquified version of the souls in hell

he cooks for you 🥺 mainly because he trusted you next to a stove and ended up regretting it so

y’all go to the same uni too, so the walks there aren’t silent anymore!! before, it was just a side-by-side walk while you both had earbuds in

now that the two of you were closer, he basically treated you like you were his girlfriend and the dreamies didn’t fail to notice that

has a habit of pecking your cheek as a goodbye, which hyuck sees and is like ‘friends don’t do that!!!’ and jaemin’s like ‘we aren’t friends, we’re more than that.’

he meant y’all were BEST FRIENDS but hyuck now thought you two were fucking behind closed doors and made sure to mention it to all the dreamies too

yeah, jaemin doesn’t have hyuck over anymore, if anyone, it’s usually jeno or jisung who are usually more considerate on the fact that you live there and don’t bother you

your parents came to visit one day and fell in love with jaemin, especially your mom, who told you that he is husband material, well she’s not wrong.

bought you colored pencils after you lost all of them at uni, and got really hyped seeing how happy you were because of that and bought you a lotta stuff after that

like it wouldn’t even be planned, like he’d see something while shopping and would be like…’yes this is SO y/n’ and ends up buying it for you 

people at uni probably think y’all are married from the way y’all argue about socks being left all over the apartment, which usually leads to one of you feeling bad and apologizing to the other

helps you with homework and even offers to write your essays when your sick or not in the mood, though he refuses your help like it’s second nature because he doesn’t want to ‘bother you’

doesn’t even realize he’s in love with you until jeno jokingly says he wants to ask you out and he gets all stiff and is straight up like ‘no, bro, that’s not cool’

ends up asking you out because he’s scared one of the dreamies would do it before him and you say no at first because you think he’s high or some shit but he’s being real

yeah and then the fucking behind closed doors becomes a reality

chenle

dumbass roommate

i’m not kidding, he blasts music at 4am thinking that you’re asleep and you ARE until you hear the music

the apartment is HUGE, it belongs to him, but put out the second room for low rent because he was lonely and tbh it was a pretty good size for the price

you thought he was a little annoying at first because the dreamies would literally be over all the fucking time because they were in love with the apartment, and both of y’all just didn’t along with each other’s friends

well, you just avoided them interacting with him because he was kinda a lil embarrassing at first, and you thought he was immature (he’s only a year younger though…)

he’s really passionate about music though, and has a wholeass piano in the corner of the living room that you’re not allowed to touch, but you’re so fucking tempted to

can’t do any chores for shit, and doesn’t really try until he sees you washing the dishes and is like ‘this is no good’ and hires a cleaning lady, he doesn’t make you pay extra though, which makes you happy

accidentally used your perfume instead of his own for about a week and smelled like vanilla all day everyday until you noticed that he was the reason why the bottle was disappearing liquid by the day

took you to an arcade when you were really stressed one day and this boy is competitive, so that was a whole RIDE but it was fun to actually hang out with him without arguing or starting a roommate war

yeah, y’all had a whole roommate war, if he was gonna blast music, you were gonna do it too and no one could complain to the landlord because the place literally belongs to him

watches movies with you, even the weird cheesy ones which he usually just makes stupid comments on, or even horror movies where he’s like…‘this bitch asked for death, so she’s gonna get it’

pranks you but not really badly, knows you’re scared of spiders and buys a bunch of plastic ones and puts them in the cupboards to hear you scream in fear in the morning 

the cops showed up at your door too because the neighbors complained about noise, but you both had fallen asleep in the living room before they nearly threatened to break down the door and chenle woke up

dreamies tease him about you as well (like their bitchasses will), but they don’t really think anything’s gonna happen because you’re older but that is WRONG

y’all both have different tastes when it comes to food, but he still manages to take everything you buy for yourself even though he’s the rich one

teaches you how to play the piano one day and his heart does a thing when you lean your head on his shoulder for a brief second, babe thinks he’s falling for you

which is right, and he’s pretty obvious about it like you’d be just cooking wearing some sweats and he’d be creepily watching from the living room thinking you’re gorgeous and you’re like ‘tf is wrong with you, headass’

yeah, it takes him a while to confess because he’s nervous and doesn’t really have much experience in this kinda field (asks jisung too, but that boy literally knows less than him so)

tries to be all romantic with food and shit but he makes a mess and you find it frustratingly cute and judging from the way he was looking at you, you thought he was about to pull out a million dollar ring and propose to you

‘CAN YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND’ 

jisung

cutie roommate

you both moved out of your parent’s houses senior year even though y’all hadn’t even graduated yet, but you didn’t think you could deal living with your four silblings and parents for another year

y’all are best friends, and probably do everything together too unless one of you are under a lot of stress because of school work (which might lead to a soft night of like, building forts or movies)

jisung is a mESSY PERSON but y’all clean together, like if it’s time to do the dishes, y’all are doing that together, one person washes while the other ones dries or even cleaning the living room, like y’all have designated cleaning days

you both have your friends over pretty rarely since it’s y’alls dorm uwu, not theirs and you know hell as well all they gonna be doing is stealing food

wears your clothes but by accident, like you might’ve mixed in a shirt or two along with his laundry and he’s wondering why tf it’s so fucking tight on him but still wears it until you’re like…jisung what the fuck

gives it back to you but it’s all stretched out now so :( but he lets you wear his sweatshirts!! 

there’s a nice lil rooftop to the dorm that no one really seems to use other than you two, but y’all usually go up there to escape from the real world, like you come home and sungie isn’t there, check the roof! he’s probably crying his eyes out!!

just kidding, jisung doesn’t cry, he’s a tough baby

all jokes aside, you both stress over exams and classes together, and drink a hell of a lot of coffee too (the machine broke one week, and y’all were too broke to buy another one immediately so y’all saved up while dying inside)

cooking…doesn’t really happen though there is a kitchen, maybe if the dreamies are over and renjun’s in charge, but other than that, y’alls parents send you food or you order stuff

you get a part-time job after a while bc you don’t wanna bother your parents and you come home at like 10pm and babe is already so worried since you didn’t pick up the whole and begs you to quit

you don’t, but he starts working too and you both suffer together!!

y’all have a surprisingly clean apartment, but jisung’s room is another dimension that you cleaned one day he was out for work

he came back and walked into his room, and almost walked out because he genuinely thought he walked into the wrong dorm until he sees you

this boy sleeps everywhere too, but everywhere he’s not supposed to sleep, under the carpet in the living room, in the bathtub, even out on the balcony in the summer once and you thought he died in the morning

you both take walks in the neighborhood together on the weekends, like scheduled regularly occurring walks that even the old lady next to the chinese place says hi to you on saturdays

y’all aren’t even sure when it turned from a friendship to a relationship, though you’re pretty sure it was because of a petty fight over school or something that just lead to him confessing very loudly

it was kinda scary hearing him shout but y’all both realize what he just said and…damn

[the-rawr-ster]

Words for Proheroes, UA staff, and All For One

Warning: lots of cursing, minor spoilers, mentions of abuse, harsh words, and lots of yelling, and also mentions of suicide, depression, ptsd, ect.

Any of the characters I mention, I say I hate but I don’t and understand they’re human so they make mistakes. I also know they already know that I’m right and probably feel super shitty. I still want to put my two sense in.

So I made a post and some comments on tik tok about hero society in MHA. I didn’t get everything I wanted to say so here’s just a ranting dump about several characters and groups.

The only heroes actually can respect are Miruko Hawks. Let me explain why. Hawks literally called out the heros on their BS speeches. Which I really admire. He’s blunt, which is an extremely respectable trait to me in most cases. And he’s very passionate about the work he does. He cares about people but unfortunately because of how he was brought up (manga spoilers here stop before you spoil it for yourselves). Just like many of 1-A, but also very different, he was quite literally raised to be a tool used by the military for their bullshit. And I think this might have changed based on who saved him. As many of you might know, Hawks grew up in an extremely toxic environment, I won’t get into the nitty gritty deets. The one that got him out of that was Endeavor, his favorite hero. He was his favorite hero growing up. But that only goes so far. Hawks respect for Endeavor (like many of his fans) was because he wasn’t fake, he didn’t pretend to like people, he didn’t pretend to smile. Endeavor was very different from many of the other heroes (horrible father and husband though (an okay hero though, which I think is part of why Stain hadn’t killed Endeavor even though he had plenty of opportunities)). Now we haven’t seen much of Miruko as far as I know, but just from her couple of minutes on screen in the anime, we can already guess that she respected Hawks. She likes how Hawks rolls. He’s confident, laid back, and he’s not a bullshitter. And just for that I can respect her. I also think Bakugō should be the number one hero but that’s a story for another time. I also have respect for Sir Night Eye and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you why because you can figure it out.

Now let’s get down to why I fucking hate hero society. Let’s just start off with the fact that it’s almost identical to how it would be if superpowers existed. There would be quirk discrimination, there would be people that abused their powers, ect. Ect. But most of all, heros get away with anything (much like cops irl). They use violence to stop violence, which goes completely against what heroes say. And we see this with All might a lot. Heros with flashy powers get noticed more than others. YOU SENT CHILDREN TO WAR!!!! THAT IS IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM OKAY!!! THOSE CHILDREN ARE FOREVER GOING TO BE TRAUMATIZED BY THAT SHIT! And I understand that at some point they’d have experienced something, but when they chose to be heroes it was a time of piece, but then for whatever reason everything went south. Regardless, these kids brains are still developing, idk how but this will definitely change the way their brain develops. Honestly I’d be surprised if none of them ended up commiting. I don’t want them to but in their mental state they’d at least be thinking about it. I actually wrote a fic about a pro-hero commiting. I could write an essay on why heroes suck balls, but that’ll be done another time).

As much as I’d like to talk about each individual hero, I really want to talk about UA students and Staff, and why the staff sucks potato juice.

Let’s start with the obvious one, Nezu. HOW DO DOZENS OF VILLAINS INFILTRATE ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS SCHOOLS? THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE, obviously your security system fucking sucks. NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU ONLY HIRED ALL MIGHT BECAUSE OF HIS STATUS AS A HERO!!!! HES A HORRIBLE TEACHER!!!! AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT YOU ALLOWED ALL OF YOUR STUDENTS TO BE PUT ON BLAST FOR MILLIONS TO SEE, talkin bout some “We HaVe SoMe Of ThE bEsT heRoeS.” THATS bullshit because y’all lost an entire child to a lizard, a magician that puts people in marbles, and a musty old man with blue flames. If y’all produce the best heroes, y’all wouldn’t have lost Bakugō in the first place. AND WHY DO YOU LET MIDNIGHT WALK AROUND WITH SEX TOYS????! And you put all of your students in one place for all the LoV to have access to them. Yes there’s security, BUT SERIOUSLY? WILL YOU EVER LEARN?????

Next, is Present Mike, I love you man but HOW DID YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE TELLING EVERYBODY AND THEY MAMA THE NAMES AND QUIRKS OF THE STUDENTS???!!!! Like Nezu may have enabled it but you could have chosen to not do it.

Aizawa, OH SIR DO I HAVE WORDS FOR YOU. I’m sure you might already know this, but you should know I know. You’re one of the worst teachers, coming to a close second to last place on my list of horrible UA staff. First of all, you hardly taught your students proper combat training. That’s one of the most basic skills every hero needs. You’re slacking dawg (sorry for the disrespect Hound dog). Secondly, HOW DO YOU CONSISTENTLY LOSE YOUR STUDENTS? HOW DO THEY ALWAYS END UP OUT OF YOUR SIGHT? Like you’re really good at hero’s stuff but you’re slacking as a teacher. And why? Why haven’t you punished Mineta yet? It’s literally as clear as a sunny day that he’s a pervert. He is consistently making inappropriate comments and sexually harassed/assaulted several of your other students, and this is outside the LoV attacks, while you were on duty. Oh and let’s not forget about you emotionally manipulating your students!!! YOUR STUDENTS!!!!!! Needless to say I have a hate love relationship because I know he cares for his students and is not prone to favoring, unlike some *cough cough* all might.

MIDNIGHT, I respect your drip and your feminism. I just hate how you were written. YOU LITERALLY WALK AROUND WITH SEX TOYS!!! What do you even do? Like what’s your job at UA? I see you so often but like, what is your purpose? I love you though, and I wish you’d step on me.

ALL MIGHT, OMG I HATE YOU ALMOST AS MUCH AS I HATE ENDEAVOR!! FAVORITISM FAVORITISM FAVORITISM!!!! OMG IT IS SO PREVELANT IN YOUR “teaching.” You treat Deku so differently from the way you treat Bakugō. And I understand that they’re different so they have to be taught differently, by HOLY HELL! You borderline cheered for Deku when he fought with Bakugō. AND YOURE A SHITTY HERO FOR THE WAY YOU TALKED TO DEKU WHEN YOU FIRST MET HIM!! What if he didn’t grab onto you? What if he did what Bakugō said and jumped? You’d be responsible for that in a sense, because you made him feel worse than he already did. I respect you for being upfront with him, and that’s not what the issue here is. Deku was clearly emotionally unstable!!! You didn’t even teach him how to use his quirk, HES BARELY EVEN 16, how does that make sense to you? Anyways moving on to my biggest pet peeve with you, YOU PUT MY BOY IN CHAINS AND A MUZZLE KNOWING DAMN WELL THAT HE WAS FUCKING TRAUMATIZE, WAY TO GOT MR.NO.1 HERO!!! WAY TO FUCKING GO!!! AND THEN EVERYONE JUST SAT THERE AND WATCHED!!!! YOU COULD HAVE HANDLED THE SITUATION BETTER!!!!! HE WAS CLEARLY NOT OKAY WITH IT!!!! DO BETTER! YOU HUMILIATED HIM IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF VIEWERS!!! THE LoV treated him better and they didn’t even know about his trauma!!!! I have so much to say about all might, and some of them are positive too but I’ll probably do a post on that next Wednesday, but for now we’ll be critiquing. HOW DID YOU EVEN BECOME A TEACHER? I feel like there should be more qualifications than being a good hero. BUT ANYWAYS, YAK my whole deal with this man.

Those are all the UA staff I really have beef with, but I also love their characters and how they were written. Now onto my beef with some of these parents.

Mistuki: You’re really the only parent I hate. I understand Bakugō tried to hit you, but where the fuck do you think he got it from? He didn’t become violent and aggressive out of the blue. He got that shit from you. And will you please get your son some hearing aides, my ears bleed every time I have to listen to him scream. And you should’ve been more reluctant to let Bakugō stay in the dorms. And your yelling is not helping Bakugō. Ask yourself why he hates being around you? I understand that you care about him, but punishing your child by hitting them is not okay, period, wether it’s just a slap or not.

I ko: I LOVE YOU TO PIECES! I can’t hate you. I have so much respect for you, but you shouldn’t have let Deku stay in the dorms. I know you wanted him to be able to experience his dreams, and that you felt so guilty about him growing up without a quirk, but Inko, it’s not worth losing your baby over. You were right to be upset with All Might, PERIOD.

ALL FOR ONE!! I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!!!! YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF SHIGIRAKI IN A VULNERABLY STATE AND GROOMED HIM TO BE A VILLAIN!!! AND YOU KILLED HIS GRANDMA!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!! HE WAS A CHILD!!! HE WAS GRIEVING!!!! HE WAS UNSTABLE AND YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT!!! YOU DISGUST ME!!!!

And a big Fuck you to hero society for turning children into soldiers. A big fuck you for letting these children experience traum on that scale! A big fuck you for not saving Shigiraki! A big fuck you for being so full of shit!!!! A big fuck you for making people feel less than for being without a quirk! A big fuck your for being an overall piece of shit society!!

If you’ve made it this far, I apologize for yelling and cursing. Thank you for reading.

[dipplie]

Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion. 

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #295

i’m not listening to music so am blanking on lyrics to put here lol

Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this rapper? Eminem. "Cinderella Man" is probably my favorite, or "Space Bound." How about your favorite band? And your favorite song by this band? Ozzy Osbourne, if I had to pick solely one. God, picking a favorite song, though... idk, maybe "Trap Door," but it's almost impossible for me to decide. Have you ever had the cops called on you? For what? No. Would you rather be home alone, or have people with you? Why? I'd rather have people home, but alone in my room. I just feel less lonely. Have you ever dropped a class in school? Which class, and why did it suck? I dropped some class in college that I can't remember the name of... I completely misjudged what it would be like. I had absolutely zero interest. I feel like I've dropped another, too? Have you ever taken someone back, who ended up just hurting you again? No. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nicole. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? Something for school, I'm sure. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driving instructor in HS. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Yeah, to be transported from the ER to psych hospitals, as well as handcuffs among other restraints when going to court to explain why I was eligible for an earlier discharge from the hospital. That's one of the scariest experiences of my life, feeling like a bound lunatic. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Yeah, for two surgeries. Do you actually have a calendar on your wall? What are the pictures of? I have two old meerkat ones that are just for decoration. Have you ever been on a cruise? How many? Where did they go? No. Do you have a favorite author? No. Does your significant other boss you around a lot? I don't have one, but I wouldn't tolerate that shit. Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Me, but I obviously lived. I think I've loosely or distantly known people who weren't so lucky. Are you a fan of PDA (public displays of affection)? As long as it's not too intense, I think it's sweet. It's beautiful to see love expressed. When was the last time you went bowling? A few years ago for Girt and my first date. Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? I do. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes, for school essays. I think my longest was about toxic masculinity. I'm actually really proud of it; I think my instructor used it as an example for her next semester's students, given that I was notified of an influx of views on it. Do you have any names picked out for your future children? What are they? Hypothetically speaking, if I had a daughter, Alessandra is her name, period, lol. I would like to name my never-happening son Damien, but I'd be more open to suggestions from my partner. Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? Oh yikes, no thank you. Do you have/want any piercings? I have a good number and seriously want more. What side of the bed do you sleep on? More towards the left. Who is the last person you told a secret to? Nicole, about Misty coming down here for a visit. Have you ever been on an island? Yes, just off the NC coast during a 4th grade school vacation. It was amazing and even had wild horses. What's your favorite job you've ever had? I guess GameStop was the best, since I was actually interested in what I worked with. Do you have any vacations planned? No. Do you enjoy getting manicures/pedicures? How often do you get them? I mean it's nice I guess, but it's not something I'd spend money on. Have you yelled at anyone today, and why? No. Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? No. Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? Yeah. Paranormal is my favorite subgenre of horror. What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? On waffles, haha. Do you like bows? Yeah, they're cute. Have you ever made a 'haul' YouTube video? No. Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? Yeah, that was quite ordinary with Jason since his original intention was to be a chef. What do you gather your change in? My wallet. Do you like to play Angry Birds? I never have. The movie was cute, tho. Do you like Cheez-Its? Oh GOD. I looooove Cheez-Its and they need to be kept away from me to avoid bingeing on them. Have you ever been pulled aside for a random bag search at an airport? I don't think so, no. What’s your favorite flavor of Jell-O? Watermelon, I think? Or strawberry? Do you have any games on your computer? Which ones? On my personal laptop, I have World of Warcraft, Alien: Isolation, Resident Evil 6, and both Amnesia games. I think that's it. What's a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? Violins. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) I'm not particular about this, really. What's the coolest natural event you've ever witnessed? Maybe the blood moon. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? No, just dams. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I know people who have had smaller works published, but calling them an "author" feels odd since it's not their actual career or anything. Is that rude? Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but that'd be cool. Do you think you’ll ever end up in rehab? No. Who’s your favorite Kardashian sister? I don't have an opinion. Is there someone you absolutely cannot stand but have to tolerate? My sister's husband. "Absolutely cannot stand" might be a bit strong, but... Do you want to go to pregnancy classes? If I was to ever be pregnant, no. My mom would be able to answer all things related to this, haha. Do you ever cringe at the thought of living in a disgusting house? Yes. What color are your bathroom towels? We have a variety. How often do you let cleavage show? I'm not very revealing, but I'm also not self-conscious of allowing some. Does vintage stuff appeal to you? Yes! Where do you want to go? I'd love to visit Sara again, but not so long as Covid hangs around. Have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time? Something like that with Jason and Juan before I chose Jason. I don't even really know if I like-liked Juan versus just being flattered by him. Would you ever throw out or give away something an ex gave you? I mean, what's the item in question? And are we on good terms (not that that would always matter)? What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now? Right now, Covid. I know, surprising I didn't say "not having a job," but so long Covid is an issue, I don't think I would be comfortable having one. I can't bring that shit home to my weak mother. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Mom. What do you want right this second? To actually be skinny again. It's hard to believe in my teens I thought I wasn't. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I'm actually quite the opposite... It's sad, I know I'd have less trouble losing weight if I could just stop drinking it regularly. Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? ... No...? Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? I don't believe so, no. Who’d you last see in a tux? Hm. Probably when I shot a wedding. Out of everyone you know, who has the most heart? Uhhhh I dunno. Who’s the bravest person you know? Probably my mom. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Again, my mother. Have you ever dated someone who was really sporty? Nah. Are you any good at writing? I think so. What’s your favorite form of writing? I don't know if it counts as a "form" as much as it is a subject, but RP. Writing with characters you yourself have created and actually engaging with other's inventions is very fun. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? Yes, over things I'd said to Jason following the breakup. It literally took years because I was so convinced it was all justified. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember. Sure feels great though that my nightmares are chilling out. What profession do you admire the most? That's tough, but probably those that put their lives on the line for others, like firefighters. I also have massive respect for people like doctors, given all the time and work they put into their education to become one and help others. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Well, seeing as I was an initial homophobe that eventually realized I was bisexualllll... Do you have a garden at your house? No. Do you like making puppet figures with your shadow? When I was a kid, sure. Have you ever played strip poker or would you ever? No, but I won't say absolutely never if I was just with my s/o. It's not something I'm actually interested in doing, though. Would you date someone who didn’t want to have sex until they were married? Yep. Would you date someone who went to church on a regular basis? To be totally honest, I don't know if me and a person that actively religious would work out, but I'd try it, ig. What is your favorite curse word? I say "fuck" way too much lmao. It's an intense word and I'm a passionate person, lol. What movie do you know just about every line from? None. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. What are the three “nevers” of your life? To name just a few that I'm absolutely certain about, I'd never do hard drugs, commit murder (unless in self-defense, but is that even "murder?"), or abuse somebody. Last board game you played? I think it was "Sorry!" when I was babysitting Ryder. Last card game you played? Christ, Uno. My niece went through a phase of like obsessively playing it with me because I would let her win. Last thing you got for free? Christmas gifts. How long have you been tattooed? If you’re not, do you want to get tattooed? I got my first tat the day I turned 18. Last baby shower? My sister's last year. Last wedding? A repeat photography client's. Her family is lovely. Last funeral? I don't think I've been to a funeral (not wake) since I was maybe a preteen and my childhood babysitter died... It's sad that I didn't go to my grandmother's, but I didn't really have that choice. What is your band’s name? Or fantasy band ;)? Haha, my Rock Band one was "Bullets and Butterflies." How many different strip clubs have you been to? None. Do you have any nieces/nephews? Technically a lot, but only three are regular parts of my life. How many cars have you ever owned? Me personally, none. Can you do math in your head well? ABSOLUTELY not. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? I only care about the Ewoks ok. I'm not a fan of the franchise. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? No. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? No. Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? No. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? N/A Have you ever gone golfing? Only mini-golfing as a kid. Well, and on an anniversary date with Jason. Actual golfing doesn't interest me. If you became famous for something, what would it be? To be entirely realistic versus idealistic, probably something I wrote. How many friends do you have that are married? A whole lot. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? Yes. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties? No, it was just a playful joke. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December? No. Do you like mango? Mango flavored stuff, oh yes. I don't like actual mangos; they're too mushy. What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? I don't know. Have you ever been kicked out of a store? No. What does caffeine do to you? Nothing, really. I think I'm too accustomed to it being in my system. Would other people describe you as creative? Very. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Hm, maybe paint. Names of best friends you've had: Brianna, Kimberly, Jenna, Megan, Mini, Sara... I don't remember them all. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Through most of my school experience, yes. Will you let your kids have a YouTube channel, do you think? If I wanted kids, it would depend on their age and what they were making. Have you ever owned a designer purse? No. Do you like the taste of Tums? Taste, yes. Chalky texture, fuck no. I like the chewy ones, though. Are you currently learning a new language? No. What culture are you most interested in learning about? Maybe Indian? Do you own anything skull print? Oh, loads of stuff. Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? Mom, Sara, and uh... Dad. Do you like crackers with your soup? Soggy crackers are gross. I don't really like soup, anyway. Which ex of yours means the most to you? Sara. What is something that never fails to make you feel accomplished? Cleaning. Do wooded areas freak you out in the evening or night? No, I love 'em. Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? No, I'm not comfortable with the idea of riding one. Do you iron any of your clothes? No. Do you think long, straight hair is pretty? Yes, if it's healthy. Do you have a fireplace in your home? Yes. Did you have a class pet in grade school? No. Have you ever owned an aquarium? No. Do you prefer mints or gum? I'd say gum. Popsicles or fudgesicles? Ohhh, fudgesicles. What is your favorite flavor of hot pockets? I only even moderately enjoy the ham and cheese ones. Do you like apple juice? Yeah, but there's definitely better juices.

[myheartbeatskids]

Jon: how long ago did you see him, it was a long time ago, i know!

Me: it was over a year ago

Robbie: and did you think id wait?!?! O.O

Me: yeah.

And I just laugh. Cause I know he did. Watch he will tell me.

Robbie: well shit, I did! But how did you know?!?!

Me: it isn't about me, Robby.

Jon: wow

Me: its about you. You know what is important

Robbie: my kids

Me: yeah And yourself. That's why we get a long and i know you don't need any one.

Robbie: you know how important my friends are to me and i left them all for you

Me: you know you didnt. You know my email.

MWII laughs heartedly

Me: hush it Matt. I only saw one kid and I know you guys had daddy's girl and mommys girl. Did you bring both?

Robbie: yeah you know I did

Me: so you had someone waiting at home for You when I saw you the first time?

Robbie laughs: she was with friends. See that's why i get you, you're so strict!

Me: yeah well when i got to my car I cried. You had me all fucked up.

Robbie: but why?!

Me: because you don't just strut into a Wal-Mart 900 miles from home like it ain't a thing.

Robbie: I know! I didn't!

Me: I know.

Robbie: but why did you cry

Me: because you made Me smile.

Robbie: wait what

Me: you made me laugh. But mostly because I knew.

Robbie: that I left? And i made you proud? Hey I ain't a kid. I'm a grown man!

Matt laughs

Me: shut up Matt. I know. A kid wouldn't know what to do.

Robbie: oh

Jesse: I see this thing between you too. Its different than me and her. You two. Im gonna cry. Its pure joy.

Robbie: happy to be alive. We made it. Sabrina, you did, too. That's why you cried. Because you knew I left And took both my kids. You knew you cared enough about me to teach it to me. And you cried for you. Me. And everyone in between. I'm a totally different man because of you. I thought i was good. I knew I was good. I thought I was deep. But you made deeper my thoughts, my joy, my temper. That's what I see you don't know. How much you impact others. You type and you stay angry and you fight and you fight and you will until you die. That's what you told me, now isnt it?

Me: yeah And I'm not finished.

Robbie: but almost. Dad?

Jesse: yeah I'm there. I see I know her because of you. They're different, don't you see, Sunny?

Sunny: yeah. I want to be happy too

Robbie: see there. That's what I mean. That's how Sabrina feels almost every day and the Annie. "But doesn't every body" that's what you used to say. I remember.

Me: I used to always think about that. You were the first person in a very long long time I talked to about happiness.

Robbie: well You did good. It stuck with me this while time and it changed my life completely. And I want to marry you

Me: I could say yes. [I try to skip MWII quickly] whoa shit your father is sitting there

Robbie: what's that got to do with anything?

Me: Idk he might try to compare dicks or something.

MWII: wow I think I'm embarrassed. I thought I was retro romance but he's good

Bobby: I'm telling you!

MWII: but she got babies!

Me: Matthew!

Bobby: like hes an annoying younger brother.

Jesse: well You can! You're Tarah's kid!

Robbie: mmm. Well what do you think, Sabrina?

Me: well we could date... Man it would be So nice just to have a turtle shell so I could just hide!

Robbie: no I'm for the whole thing

Kenny: no I've been trying to get her to get with me for months and I started years ago

Robbie: but see youre too busy you don't know how to make time for her or how t9 make her laugh

Jesse: is that true? He knows how to do thwt for you?

Me: yeah. Matt, quit! You're not about to be watching porn and youre gonna get blue balls all night!

Matt face palms: i hate myself

Jesse: well You are insane aren't you?!?!

Matt eagerly: uh huh. And i think you need to leave Robbie!

Jesse: he used to take my hat and throw it out the front door. Sabrina found 5 hats under the porch one day all belonging to me because obviously i wouldn't leave but my hat would stay!

Robbie: he's a little orphan and hasn't found anyone to love yet

Me: hes like a poltergeist.

Jesse: well this is really romantic.

Me: yeah it's a little strange isn't it? And he's your son and every thing to top it all off

Jesse: do you care?

Me: no its just unexpected. Like when I saw you at Wal-Mart, Robbie.

Robbie: yeah I know! You ran off!

Me: well i didn't mean to initially. I turned to tell Annabelle but she was gone.

Robbie: yeah but you did linger, we noticed. Well my daughter did

Me: I saw you running after me

Robbie: yeah well I didn't know your car

MWII: ohhhh shit.

Me: yeah I guess that makes sense. But then you got in your truck and i thought your daughter had gone in the store

Robbie: yeah she did.

Bobby: omg this is romantic!

Me: you run really fast. Like I thought I was crazy I was all no.. he probably went in the store. No one with that short legs can move that fast! And then disappear!!!!

Chuck: remember that ghost truck yesterday?

Me: that shit was funny.., i was all dam I thought it was a real truck... Then i got disappointed it was!

Robbie: is that what made you cry, that I disappeared?

Me: no you waited to run.

Robbie: well i told her what I was gonna do first.

Bobby: which was what? I'm on the edge of my seat.

Robbie: follow her home.

Bobby: to do what?

Robbie: tell her how I feel.

Me: O.O oh

Robbie: you're as lame as me. Hey dad. She used to do this shit to me. All sure and secure of herself and I would be all "oh" "but" "uhhh"

Me: he was cute tho.

Robbie: oh i bet. Cause you kept doing it.

Jesse: well go get her and bring her to me so i can place my hands on her head and bless her

MWII: well go on now, you know I don't want to marry you

Me: no Jesse! You just wanna suck what's left of my brain!!!

I decide to go out and smoke...

Jon: she looks like me when I was 10 ans ahe wanted to save me from the kid factory and I said "this lady loves me too much!!"

(Jesse did)

Out side:

Me: Chuck

Chuck: do what you want

Me: no, Chuck give me some advice.

Chuck: I wanna marry you!

Me: Jesse! Please tell me you don't wanna fuck!

Jesse: i don't wanna fuck

Sunny: this is too funny!! Let me meet him and I'll tell you what to do. I'll be your bridesmaid. Me and Annie we will share duties

Candy: me too mom

Me: sunny! Well it sounded like you already decided!!!

MWII laughs hysterically: shes all WTF?!?!

And laughs forever.

Shome: no one can tell you what to do.

Me: I know.

Bobby: then why you ask?!

Me: it's just so sudden!

Eric: it's been over a year

Me: well see I been busy. And i was just telling Jesse and the kids that i don't need any one.

Bobby: but romance!

Me: but I'm not like that.. I've pretty much always been single

Bobby: well that's stupid if you believe in true love and you know MWII ain't gonna do that for you. He just tries to protect you. Thats all.

Jesse: you look sudden but you already knew. He did everything you wanted. Did what -- did you promise?

Robbie: yeah.

Jesse: see thats all I have to say to you.

Robbie: Well shit Sabrina don't forget to breathe!

Me: oh! Well shit!

MWII: shes so funny

Me: you and kept calling me dumb! And he was sitting there waiting why didn't you say something! Well shit!

MWII: cause i didn't want to! Fuck you bitch! You're my sister!

Me: well quit telling people you're my husband!

MWII: shut up. Don't contradict me!

Me: alright, so you'll need to meet the kids

Robbie: all?! 0.0

Me: what if I said yes?

Robbie: 2 and Candy. You know my 2 already love you.

Jesse: do they?

Me: mmmhmm

Jesse: how do you know?

Me: they told me.

Jesse: well shit, idc go on get married

Me: you gonna pay for my wedding, daddy? You know you always wanted to be my daddy.

Jesse: I don't talk about money with strangers that fuck my son

Me: how about kids you baby sit and encourage you to take back your living ane abused kids like Jon?

Jesse: that's your kid, too. I'm bored. Hurry up and get married so i have something to do.

Me: brain wssh us? Do our laundry? Dirty dishes? Cook us food?

Jesse: are you not an adult?

Me: half the time lately im five or 6 why? Dont act like you're not 22.

Jesse: don't tell my real age. People can do math you know.

Me: ok, well Robby. Let's hang out, I don't have time to schedule a wedding

Robbie: oh yes you do!

MWII: sabrina goes what?

Me: no I was just gonna argue. No open ended questions, you know I stand my ground.

Robbie: oh friendly banter!

Me: well why aint you called or anything?

Robbie: well You look busy! And i just been working. And to be truthful I did need my time, you were right.

Me: well You do run really graceful.

MWII: shut the fuck up Sabrina you're just a nerd. Just say it Jesse you know you want to

Jesse: I can't! I'm shocked and pleased! Im surprised she actually found someone to love.

Bobby: now Sabrina don't cry

Me: wow that's a tall order! It's easier to get married!

Jesse: she's a tough cookie, and it would be one of my kids. I think that's pretty amazing.

Me: you know me and the bestie talk about this...like men living on their own to get to know themselves before even thinking about marriage

Eric: well now its time!

Jesse: I was wondering why you get along so well. I remember the first time you saw her, your eyes lit up with joy. No not at your parents in Okmulgee

Me: oh Oklahoma. When I was walking in the street with tiffany

Jesse: yes

Me: and you hid your eyes

Robbie: i thought they were making fun of me and i was already married a month and a few days And unhappy. I didn't want you to deal with that

Me: then I saw you at UNM after i gradh9and went to have lunch with the bestie.

Jesse: how do you remember that?

Me: because both times I said how did hot and sexy get on this Earth and both times he ran away too fast. And I've only said that about him.

Jesse: O.O well go on get married then!! Sunny you don't need to meet him!! That's what I prayed for! I put that in Mr Gloom for her!! God works fast, doesn't he!!!.?

Me: yeah. I didn't put anything in it, I couldn't think of anything. I knew I work too hard not to be a success. So thank you.

Jesse: well aren't you a little bitch? Seriously. You didn't put anything?

Me: I didn't.

Jesse: you sent me the link and you didn't?

Me: I didn't get to it. I was busy trying to fix everyone else's.

Jesse: like you tried to fix his.

Me: i should put wrinkles tho, I noticed my frown lines are deep and solid

Jesse: there's always next year

Me: i figured if I just smiled more, they would go away on their own. So it looks like you already put it in for me this year.

Bobby: well fucking shit! Im gonna cry!

Just about every one else: its about time you catch up!!

Bobby breaths it back in: there I'm caught up... O no I'm not!

Robbie: well You know you could be kissing and they will pucker up.

Jesse: looks like I did it for you two times.

https://burnzozobra.com/all-about-zozobra/

[procancelled]

So have you read that update on that stulid petition? It's some interesting "insider info" Idk I'm pretty sure its all BS but idk idk idk

I hadn't but I looked it up, read through and here are my thoughts on it (I actually made notes on paper). You might want to grab and snack and a drink because this is a long one.

1. Anyone can claim to be a friend of Holly or Jared. Nothing written here has any evidence to support it. If they know Holly and talk to her online I'd assume that they'd have shared at least a few written conversations. They also claim to have known and sent nudes to Jared. I don't want screenshots of nudes but conversations. Where is evidence?

2. Bringing up Holly's mental health wasn't needed, it was probably for sympathy and did they even have her permission to talk about this (if they do know her)(Also same thing about Jared's mental health. More on that later)?

3. I get that Ross wants to stay out of this, more on that in a moment, but if what Heidi has said is completely false and he and Holly had an open relationship, and he and Holly split on any kind of decent terms, and Ross had been mad at Heidi for stopping Holly and Jared's relationship  (which yeah, he's mad because his wife isn't fucking another man, makes sense(!)), and for yelling at Holly, then why would he remain silent on everything and let Holly take the heat?

4. Ross wants to be left out of this. They shouldn't be giving out all this information. Say he was aware of Holly and Jared's relationship (though I have my doubts) and that he and Holly were poly (things already stated by people involved in this situation) but any other alleged relationships he was in aren't the public's business.

5. Oh, and we're claiming that Ross and Holly's marriage was toxic for Holly now? I'm gonna be honest Ross is the only person in this situation I still really trust and respect so if he turns out to be not so great I don't know what I'm gonna do, but that's besides the point. Holly and Ross' marriage wasn't the healthiest? Well no shit if she was off telling another man she only had feelings for him and that he had awakened sexual feelings in her she'd never felt before. Shit like that is making me question if she ever actually had feelings for Ross.

6. Also, can we just acknowledge the fact that the person (I'm guessing creator of the petition) asking about the situation pushes the narrative they want and the other person just agrees with what they say? Seems sketchy to me...

7. Why would Ross be mad at Jared for being a good partner and stopping a relationship his wife wasn't comfortable with? I feel like Ross is reasonable enough and would understand (like yeah he may be a little insulted because that's his wife but he must have seen how close she and Jared were and would understand feeling weird about it). Even if he didn't, wouldn't he be mad at Heidi? If this is the truth (which I doubt) then the four of them should have sat down and talked about ground rules and just communicated more. Clearly none of them are cut out for being poly. And again, if Ross was mad at Heidi and not a fan of her see point 3.

8. The whole shit with Heidi and Cristina is speculation. Nothing said is factual, it's just what they 'believe'. Just because Cristina said a few things about Holly and she and Heidi reply to each other occasionally does not mean Heidi had a big scheme. Nate and Cristina broke up a while ago and I haven't seen Cristina and Heidi interact until recently. And even if they did talk they would have known each other through Nate and Jared working together. Unless we get evidence for this claim I'm not going to entertain this idea further.

9. Holly showed a sexual conversation Jared and Heidi had about Heidi's partner. The fact that their relationship was sexual isn't news. Also we don't know when Jared and Heidi stopped being poly. We know that Heidi wanted Jared to end his relationship with Holly because she made Heidi uncomfortable. I seem to remember Heidi even stated that she was fine with Jared pursuing someone else who wasn't Holly and then later they stopped being poly.

10. Heidi said Jared used the fact that he made more money over her. She also said that she and Jared had been together before Jared got big on YouTube. So claiming she was with him for money seems strange to me. Also, maybe not the wisest thing to bring up when Holly has brought up money struggles and when Ross was doing Grumps (and Holly's channel money went to her grandfather's healthcare) she was making less money than Ross so anyone could claim she stayed with Ross for money. See how easy it is to make claims? And this whole idea that she tried to isolate Jared and didn't let him 'have a life outside of her' doesn't seem believable when he had Normal Boots (talking about the guys not just the newish channel) and DCA. They claim she tried to isolate him when Jared clearly had many friends and was far from isolated.

10. They say Heidi 'ransacked' his house; Heidi says she went back to get some stuff she'd left because she had to move out quickly and Jared was out of town at the time. Holly tried to make it seem like Heidi wanted to go back and therefore she clearly wasn't abused. Who knows at this point? All that's for sure is Holly's claim was disgusting.

11. If Jared was so scared of Heidi, why did he make a statement about the divorce knowing that she'd she it even if he blocked her? Heidi said she wasn't going to say anything until she saw his statement and that he blocked her. It's funny to think that this wouldn't be happening if Jared had left it alone or just said they were getting a divorce and wanted to deal with it in private. Holly not responding about how she'd be there to suck his dick if she needed him would have helped too.

12. Just because you had a good experience with Jared doesn't mean everyone did. If someone jumped of a building and somehow ended up being completely fine after that doesn't automatically mean it's safe to jump off of buildings. Your personal experience doesn't not equal everyone's experience. I don't care if this helped you (which by the way just seems like a way of being like 'Jared helped me, he can't be a bad person because he helped me'). It was an abuse of power when he solicited nudes from his fans and minors may have been involved.

13. Mentioning Jared's mental health as a way to gain sympathy. Also, mental health is not an excuse. It can be an explanation, but if you do something that is harmful, especially to others, then you address it and get help. If you engage in risky behaviour then you get help. Jared could give his phone to someone else to stop him sexting people when depressed and fine other ways to distract himself. Additionally, to backtrack slightly, if you know that you are doing something that hurts others and don't try to stop; don't get help, then you are being abusive because you know what you're doing isn't right but you aren't trying to stop (this is more about Holly's behaviour in terms or harming others but Jared knew the risks he was taking in terms of minors possibly being involved and should have gotten help).

14. And lastly, let's go back to the fact that this person claims to be Holly's friend. Holly, who has proven many times how manipulative she can be; who has been called out for her toxic behaviour and lying. So can we trust a friend of Holly's? No. Not just because they may have false information but because they're biased anyway due to being her friend. Also, you know who else is a friend of Holly's? Her previous buisness partner who helped scam a cancer survivor. So yeah... I don't trust friends of Holly's.

[dredshirtroberts]

Best buckle up buttercupz cause this bout to get splodie

Everything will be under a cut because there is high probability this gets TMI really fuckin’ quick and y’all don’t need that in your lives unless you really give that much of a shit about my bedroom activities.

As those who have been with me previously know, this is all stream of consciousness and also apparently my brain has forgotten most spelling rules so if shit starts not looking like words, it’s not you i promise.

.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this one. I’ve got...a lot of things to go over.

So. If you’ve been following my adventures as of late, I decided to follow a whim and go with a guy I barely know up to Pittsburgh to help him get all his shit out of his old apartment and bring it back down this way close to where I live. 

Things to note about this guy: I met him...uh...2??? weeks ago??? on Bumble which is Tinder but less shitty (but still kinda shitty).

Uh...maybe backing up even more???

*headdesk* oh damn this is a lot hang on.

So. End of April I finally ended things for good with my long term boyfriend. Teal deer, things did not go smoothly there and shit ended badly when I was finally able to move out at the beginning of May. There were like...2ish weeks where we were broke up and I was still living with him.

I’ve had some pretty whacked out emotional responses to this upheaval. I legitimately thought he was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I wanted that. But he was abusive and not willing to take responsibility for his part in the end of our relationship. So that sucked, but I apparently hadn’t loved him in ages so that part was less painful. I have been far more broken up about losing my two boys in the end of the relationship. I legitimately feel like I’ve lost my children and that fucking sucks and no one fucking understands cause 1) they’re cats and 2) no one i know has done this and had to leave their babies, they usually got to keep their babies. and that’s fucking...

ANYWAY.

About a month? ish ago? I decide fuck it I think I can handle brief and casual attachments so I can have regular sex for the first time in YEARS. cause of course we move in together and the well dries up completely so like, that was not fun. Have a high sex drive and apparently he did not. Anyway, having fun meeting dudes, casual sex and figuring out how to navigate single life and hookup culture. 

There are a couple guys who are prospective long term candidates but like...idek if that’s what I want out of any of this??? because I’m still healing? and trying to keep my feet up underneath me in more than a few ways. I’m also trying to keep my trauma on the DL cause it’s really fucking easy for people to take advantage of me and my issues - it’s kind of how I keep getting into shit relationship situations.

So, like. Tinder and Bumble are fun because I forget that it’s meant to be for meeting people? I just like being super shallow and “sorting” my choices into “yeah I could see having a connection with that one” and “absolutely the fuck not”. I’m 27 and kind of a terrible person on the inside. I overcompensate by being a fucking kindness deathray so i think there’s balance maybe.

Dude comes across my bumble and the fun thing with bumble is if you’re showing as W4M on there, you get to initiate contact. Which is terrifying at first until you realize you literally only have to say hi. So yeah, dude is hella cute, profile doesn’t suck, I swipe like (right, I think?). It’s a match! I open with a simple hi. basic chitchat, whatever.

we go out for a date to a location close by that I actually trust because oh hey he’s moving down this way and has good taste in bars. Food and drinks are had. Take him back to mine cause like, he’s fuckin GORGEOUS. and funny. and smart. 

And he’s like “yeah I’ll spend the night, but I won’t fuck you til we’re sobered up.” Which, i mean, be still my beating heart, yeah? (I WARNED you this was going to be TMI y’all. if this is already too much I totes get it, it’s likely not going to be any better further on). So we go to sleep, and maybe I have a hard time sleepign but I’ve *had* a hard time sleeping. We wake up, do the sexing, and then he buys me coffee. Like, not only did he pay for the entire date the night before, tell me he will not have sex with me while there’s a chance i might be drunk, is just fucking...amazing in bed, but he BUYS ME COFFEE.

So like, alright, this is one I’ll keep around for a while cause I’m doing casual shit, yeah? nothing serious, nothing with attachments. no strings. just free food and sex.

Oh and did I mention he’s a cuddler???? but like? a cuddler that cuddles the way I like cuddling???? do you *know* how hard it is to find that??? I’m apparently very specific in my cuddle preferences. 

So whatever, we exchange numbers (which I do not do with people from these apps until I’m comfortable with them). He’s also got multiple girls he’s seeing right now and that’s totally chill and like, it’s clear nothing’s going to go quickly here, just fun.

Talking - he’s very clever and does the sentence making doing well. He and one of the other girls he’s seeing goes up to P-burgh to begin the great migration, he calls me while he’s out there, and he’s got some shit going on in his life and I’m like, that’s some drama you’ve got there. It’s shitty for you, hope it gets better, yeah? They come back down, and he drops by to hang out and grab some of the shit he left at mines. He’s waiting to get into his new place nearby, and he needs a place to stash his stuff and I have a relatively safely located appartment so I’m like. I think I got a corner for some shit. Then he’s like “hey, wanna go to [area he’s moving to where his parents also live]” and I’m like, sure. I’m down for a quick road trip.

we’re out that way and he’s like “Hey there’s this park this way and there’s a lodge or whatever I think you’ll like” and I”m like, “k I like parks!” and as we travel out and he’s telling me about it I’m realizing this is not like...slide and swingset park, this is national park style stuff. And I’m like ‘Oh shiiiit I know where we’re going he’s right I do like it!’ we get out there and it’s rainy but we hike a little for s&gs, and then he’s like let’s go inside and all the sudden we’re getting a room for the night???? and this is not your momma’s motor-hotel on the side of the road, this is a kinda swanky lodge and i’m like???? okay???? wish i’d known or i’da packed better for an overnight???

so like...yeah I have a great time, it’s beautiful out there. Like...idk if any of you are familiar with the Blue Ridge Mountains, but the fuckin’...the Parkway y’all. Is one of my favorite places to be and this is right the fuck there and it’s great. The weather’s nice, the food is delicious, clearly I enjoy the company, I have a blast.

We stay the night, get up in the morning and head back to mine and we chill for a minute and I change clothes cause eww i’m wearing clothes I’ve hiked in. I get comfy and ready for a nice day chillin at home. And he’s like “So. Wanna come up to Pittsburgh with me?” I’m now I’m familiar with his planning methods which are none. So i figure it’s a quick overnight, maybe 2 nights and I’m like “Fuck it, sure.” I pack a little better but I’m wearing my contacts and I’m like “I can totally sleep in these a couple nights and be fine” and I just kinda...am in his car on a 7+hr drive to Pennsylvania. 

And he’s really easy to get along with. Of course for some reason my period just shows up 3 weeks early out of fucking nowhere which put a little damper on shit but I didn’t have to worry because we weren’t only spending a couple nights up there. We spent nearly a week up there for...reeaassoonnnns?????

I wait til day 3 and I’m like “So...uh, idk if you know this but I had no idea we’d be up here this long or i’d have brought another outfit? and some toiletries?” And he is like... “Um...I didn’t mean to like, abduct you or anything. do you need me to take you back???” To which I respond that all I want is an idea of how long he’s planning on being up there so i can best make adjustments where necessary and that the only date I *have* to be back for is my sister’s bday which is Friday. 

This is all fine and we work it out, but I realize that he doesn’t do “planning” apparently. So I get really good at being proactive with trying to figure out what his expectations are.

He’s your typical 28yo white cishet dude. You know what I’m talking about, so some of the stuff I expressed concerns with, I am trying to temper with the fact that he’s literally just as dumb about the world as my dad is and my dad’s a decent person - an idiot about how the world actually works but a decent person. 

And like? It’s really annoying being near him because he does everything the way I specifically like it? And I never said a damn thing??? because I don’t talk about my particular eccentricities wrt my preferences in how i like being touched/shown affection/cuddled? So he wouldn’t know??? 

Really fucking annoying cause I’m trying very hard to make it so my heart doesn’t take over when I’m really trying hard to be chill and casual and clearly he is just wanting to be casual and shit but then he says things? and it’s like...so off-handed and flip but gives my heart the flutters because?? maybe there’s more than just a small potential?

I get real tetchy on my period and put up with a lot less, i was also less than properly medicated so that did not help, but like...I never got to the point I used to get to with my exes where I just...couldn’t handle being around them or their normal ass selves. This guy does things that are annoying sure, and I had less patience for it than normal and then like 2 seconds later he’s literally out of one of my romantic fantasies about how i would like the perfect guy to treat me? and be around me? 

*sigh* 

Anyway, I had a great time in Pittsburgh cause I’d never been and he found my weakness because I’m a ho for some museums and art and shit and he took me to the carnegie mellon museums and let me just wander around like a doof with my jaw on the floor the whole time. Also we did some other stuff and he took me to Fallingwater which was like an hour or so away from P-burgh but was soooo cooooool.

Oh and I didn’t even mention the real kicker in all of this. He *gets* what i’m going through because he’s been in my shoes previously and it’s fucking mindblowing so he knows what to say and how to do the nice? and like???

IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR I’M NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT HEART. YOU GOTTA LEAVE ME BE AND LET ME JUST APPRECIATE THAT HE’S PRETTY OKAY???

I hate the universe. Thanks tho, U-girl. I know you got my back.

so. That’s what’s been going on. Got back home safely, he’s got his own place like 30mins to an hour away, easier access to the other girls he’s seeing right now, and I have time to properly process and catalog my thoughts before I see him again.

Cause I’m gonna. He’s *damn* good in bed.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 032: Round 1 Brackets

Previously on BnHA: Shouto told Deku about his tragic past of being abused by his shitty parents. Unbeknownst to them, Kacchan was secretly listening in. Shouto basically figured out that All Might is Deku’s dad, but let it slide. Deku declared war on Shouto, but this being a shounen manga, it actually just means they’re friends for life now. Endeavor was cancelled. Mineta was cancelled, again. The final event of the festival was announced, and it’s a good old-fashioned tournament bracket, so I am loving life right now.

Today on BnHA: Ojiro and another dude drop out of the tournament due to having been mind-controlled by Shinsou in the previous round. The round one matchups are announced. Deku finds himself facing off with Shinsou right off the bat. Ojiro warns Deku not to do anything stupid and get himself mind-controlled. The match begins. Deku immediately does something stupid and gets himself mind-controlled.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 68 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

I should be in bed but here I am!! come to see who’s paired up against whom for round one of the tournament!

Ojiro, I think I’ve been misspelling your name as “Ojuro” on several occasions. good thing I don’t think I’ve posted any of those recaps yet lol

(ETA: I had indeed misspelled it, and I went back and changed them all, so basically I almost got away with it, and now here I am calling my own self out. smh)

look at Ojiro and his solid beefy tail

there’s not really much to this guy so far

I can’t believe he made it to the third event honestly

he has problems with sitting. sucks, my friend

on to the chapter!

...am I to understand that we were this close to having everyone fight each other with foam swords, then?

I can’t fucking believe all we got was a stupid tournament

THE MATCHES WILL BE DECIDED BY ~RANDOM LOTS~ ONCE AGAIN

all I know is that Shouto will make it to the finals and fight either Kacchan or Deku, probably Deku

disclaimer: I don’t actually know, I’m just running my mouth

do we really have to sit through some other random activity before the main event

OH!!! TWIST!!!

Ojiro is dropping out?? why

GASP

he says he doesn’t remember anything about the cavalry battle at all. fucking knew it. MIND CONTROL

so he feels like he didn’t earn his place

in reality his quirk is just too boring to make for an interesting one-on-one fight. he’s better suited to background action. no offense Ojiro, I’m just being 100% real here, son

the girls are trying to convince him to stick around, but he says it’s a matter of pride. eh, if it were me I’d stay in the game and try to get back at the mind control guy during the tournament, but eh. he seems kind of shaken up, honestly, so maybe this is better for him in the end.

aww. Ojiro. looks like you need a hug, buddy. why does everyone in this fucking arc need a hug

just to keep things even, this little roly poly from class B is withdrawing too

godspeed, little man

Midnight’s like, eh whatever

doesn’t this fuck up the brackets, though? now they have 7 and 7. does someone get a bye in round one then? I guess they can determine that with the random lots too. hopefully whoever gets the byes won’t suddenly get all noble like these two idiots

oh, we’re not going to do byes but we’re going to replace the two that didn’t make it

YEAH GIVE IT TO STEEL RYOHEI AND POISON IVY

WOOHOO. SORRY OJIRO BUT THIS IS MUCH BETTER

TIME TO SCAN THE BRACKETS TO FIND MY SONS

BAKUGOU’S FIGHTING OCHAKO??? NOOOOOOOOOO

fuck this means one of my favorites will be eliminated right off the bat

lmao Kiri and Tetsu got matched up right from the get go

damn, Momo has to go up against Tokoyami. that one’s gonna be good

no idea who Aoyama is fighting

(ETA: lmao it was Mina. for some reason I hadn’t processed her last name)

Iida’s going up against Mei. good luck Iida

Kami vs Shiozaki... I think that must be the Poison Ivy chick? interesting

Todoroki vs Sero... nice knowing you Sero

and lastly... DEKU VS MIND CONTROL MAN

oh my god. can we, uh. just skip ahead to that one. !!!!!

also, Deku and Todoroki out here fucking up my predictions right from the start. the two of you had to be in the same bracket half. just had to be

wonder who’ll end up winning it all and facing off against my girl Ochako :’D

lol I can dream

this guy has “future villain” written all over him tbh

(ETA: I should just stop assuming that new characters are going to be villains. I don’t think I’ve been right about a single one yet.)

I assume the only reason he didn’t make it into the hero course is because he couldn’t use his mind control against the robots. sure, he could have possessed his fellow examinees instead, but they probably would have retained any points that they “earned” under his control

I wonder if the bags under his eyes are just a character design thing or if they actually reflect something about his character/personality/quirk. like is he an insomniac or something

he must have to do something in order to control people, right? maybe don’t let him touch you at any point, Deku

Ojiro’s warning him not to talk to him. I wonder if it’s less mind control and more hypnosis, in which case maybe if Deku blocks his ears or something... idk

lmao Bakugou literally has no idea who he’s fighting

Ochako knows though, oh damn

I believe in you!!  but be careful though orz

“are you Iida?” “indeed I am Iida.” take it easy on this middle aged bloke, okay Mei

oh good, we’re skipping all of this

hopefully even the anime will skip it, since BnHA doesn’t seem to believe in fillers and time-wasting!

LOOK AT IIDA CHUG THAT OJ

GET THAT VITAMIN C BOI

also Ojiro appears to be talking to Deku, and Deku looks like he’s mildly freaking out. is he freaking out because OH NO TOURNAMENT, or because Ojiro is telling him what Shinsou can do? given how well he’s managed with the first two events, I’m guessing it’s the latter, or else he wouldn’t be looking so disturbed

okay I actually do like this picture of the girls cheerleading though

just because Hagakure, Mina, and Ochako look really into it, and Momo and Jirou are just like, blargh. and Tsuyu is an enigma to me

TOURNAMENT TIME

Cementoss is building the ring for them all!

wow it looks really good

I wouldn’t quite say they’ve been through “hell”... actually it was a lot less hellish than I thought it would be

is Deku in the first round? I guess they go from left to right

ALL MIGHT CAME TO GIVE HIM A PEP TALK YAAAAAY

he’s giving Deku a thumbs up and says he’s finally getting the hang of One for All

Deku says he still has trouble controlling it and it makes him nervous, like one false step could still fuck him up

well good. narratively, I like this level of control. it keeps each move risky, but also doesn’t necessarily mean that he’ll end up incapacitated at the drop of a hat

wow. All Might says that right now Deku can only handle 5 percent of One for All’s true power

you know we’re getting into some real shounen shit when we start talking about power percentages

Deku says he’s just gotten lucky with everything so far, and All Might’s response may just be his most dadlike behavior yet

I love it. the awkward pat on the back (head? shoulder?). the affectionate nickname. and the genuine compliment, because you know All Might admires the shit out of Deku’s hard work ethic

and he’s telling him to smile, especially when he’s feeling nervous or scared. because you’re a big damn hero, Deku! you got this my man!

here we goooooo

not even Present Mic the mighty chatterbox can think of anything to say about Shinsou. bang-up observation about Izuku’s weird face, though

so now the question is, does Deku know about Shinsou’s quirk or not?

typical tournament rules: knock your opponent out of the ring, immobilize them, or make them cry uncle

yikes, they’ve got Recovery Girl on standby for this one. well at least they’re taking things seriously. but that means shit’s about to get lit the fuck up

“fight dirty if you must” how fucking heroic. I guess that’s the part where they test everyone’s willingness to get into the nitty-gritty huh

although they do say that going for the kill is frowned upon, and Cementoss will supposedly stop you (uh huh. just like All Might was going to “stop” Bakugou in chapters 9 and 10, I assume)

oh shit. this means Shinsou can win just by making Deku say that he quits... I think that’s what this is hinting at:

(ETA: I actually don’t know why he didn’t just have Deku say “I give up” rather than making him walk out of the ring. maybe he can’t control speech? but at any rate, on my reread I realized just how sneaky Shinsou is being here by trying to get Deku to answer him before the match has even started.)

Deku he called poor Ojiro a monkey. punch him in the face please

Deku’s making a face at that

and he’s charging in!!

-- uh oh

WHAT’S FUCKING HAPPENING DAMMIT

and Ojiro’s saying that he warned him

shit. Deku looks like he’s completely under his control already

aaaaaand the chapter ends

well shit

BONUS:

this girl looks exactly like Matsuoka Gou from Free!. it’s fucking uncanny

like I seriously want to get a picture and compare them side by side

you know what, never mind though, because while I was combing through google image search for a good pic, I kept getting distracted by pictures of Rin. why is he so pretty

what the hell was I doing again

oh yeah

anyways so Kendou here is apparently the class representative from class B. good for you girl. I wonder what her quirk is

there’s not much else to her aside from her being a motorcycle-loving coffee-drinking class rep who looks like Gou lol

but I hope we’ll get to see more of her

[homestuckisautistic]

Lanque...why?

I wanna start off by saying three (3) things. 

1. I am feeling much better now.

2. A few months ago, back in July maybe, I had a dream that I was still in high school (yikes!) and I had just moved to a new school (double yikes!) and Lanque went there for some reason and he was also the only troll there. Anyway he was very nice but all his friends called him “fingers in his ass Lanque.” Not kidding about this dream btw! Anyway I just wanna say r.i.p. to that perception of Lanque.

3. I wanna give a shout out to Diemen “I love putting drugs on my wiener” Xicali

This is gonna be an incredibly long post so I’m putting the rest under a cut. 

So where do I even fucking begin. 

I’ll start with Lanque’s life as a character, not his life within the canon of Hiveswap. 

As we all know, Lanque’s design was leaked long before his official appearance in the trollcall. A lot of people thought he was a butch lesbian mostly because of his resemblance to Sailor Uranus who was a lesbian in the original Japanese dub of Sailor Moon and apparently he looked like a character from Utena but idk anything about Utena. 

As we all know after Lanque’s official debut he was revealed to be a transgender man by infamous incest-shipping shithead Cohen Edenfield, (and one other person who idk anything about so I’m leaving them out of this) who also wrote Hiveswap and may I remind everyone that Dammek and Xefros’ relationship was marketed as wholesome and sincerely friendly and later it was revealed to be abusive. All I’m saying is that there’s a pattern here! 

Need I also remind everyone* that after Cohen revealed that he shipped incest it provoked a trauma episode in someone who was formerly a big name homestuck blogger on here and they had to leave the site for months for their own safety. Shit like this does affect people, it’s almost 2019 and we should all have the mind to think about how our words and actions affect others.

Now I’m not trans so I’m not gonna speak too much on this but personally I don’t think they intended for Lanque to be trans but rather what happened was they seen that the transmale community latched onto him and confirmed him as trans because of that. After all the friendsims have been taking cues from the fans (Galora becoming canon is a major example along with Amisia and Chahut being friends). It feels like a mean spirited trick and I can only imagine how shitty it felt for transgender men and boys who were hoping Lanque would be an actually decent person.

Onto the “good” route. 

I don’t even consider this route to be Lanque’s route. It’s a sequel to Lynera’s route. I don’t mind this because I’m always happy to see Lynera but wow I wish I had seen her under better circumstances. 

I’ve seen some people saying that the flower crown Lanque is wholly different from the Lanque from the other two routes but I disagree. It’s well known that abusive people often seem very charming and kind at first. In general, if someone is too charming, too kind, and seems too good to be true then they probably are.

The whole reason Lynera asks MSPA reader to go with her to the party is because she’s scared of Lanque. She fucking admits it to his face in a fit of anxiety. Which is to say that Lanque is an asshole in all three endings, we just see it to varying degrees. Also Lanque’s poem sucks.

As far as the other two endings, what can I possibly say? What can I fucking possibly say? Honestly, what can I say? I’m speechless at what happened. As soon as Lanque called Lynera a bitch tears welled up in my eyes and I only halfway succeeded at holding them back. When men call women bitches it comes from such a vitriolic place and even though the friendsims have no voice acting I could practically hear the hatred in Lanque’s voice. 

There’s really nothing else to say about those two endings.

It’s interesting to note that much of the dialogue in Lanque’s route is very tongue in cheek and breaks the fourth wall (”What about you? Oh I’m not real” “I mean I’ve had feelings for a girl before so it’d be really problematic if I liked a boy now.”) 

And the reason I bring this up is because of that last quote. Literally what the fuck. What was the point of that. Best case scenario is that everyone ignores it and moves on but because I’m typing this right now we all know that’s not the case. Literally all this line is going to do is promote tension between lesbians and bisexual women. It feels very intentional and very much like a jab at how lesbians and bi women seemingly can’t get along. It’s insidious. If someone thinks of Lynera as bi then that’s cool I honestly don’t care but her interactions with Lanque shouldn’t be used to justify that. Here’s why.

1. She outright admits she’s SCARED of him. She admits this in a fit of anxiety where she accidentally reveals her true feelings. IF she did have a crush on Lanque she wouldn’t have said “and I’m scared of you” she would’ve said “and I secretly have a crush on you and I’m scared of looking stupid in front of you.”

Also it’s literally feminism 101 to listen to people when they express disinterest. It’s also feminism 101 to not call people sluts as shorthand for “provocatively dressed” or “scantily clad” but that happens in this route too so whatever.

2. When Lanque starts coming onto Lynera the reader states that they think she’s not into it. Yes you can be flustered around a crush but that should mean that you have butterflies in your stomach and are scared of making a fool of yourself in front of them not that you are literally fucking scared. 

So, how could Lanque have been better?

Hear me out. In his original trollcall card, it says he “still has a livechurnal” (read: livejournal). So they could have made him super behind the times technology wise. Maybe they could’ve shown him having a busted old computer that still runs Windows XP because hey, it still works. Maybe his main pastime is playing minesweeper or virtual solitaire. Maybe he doesn’t even have a smartphone. The plot of his route could’ve been that his old computer finally breaks and he has to get a new one. Also, have him talk a bit about being trans and hire a trans sensitivity reader to make sure everything makes sense and isn’t offensive. 

Also, there is literally no reason for Lanque to be so shitty. The reason why Vriska and even Gamzee to an extent are beloved characters is because they have a motive to o horrible things. Vriska was groomed to be a child soldier and Gamzee was a victim of child neglect. Lanque has none of this.

I’m also very worried for Wanshi and I hope she never finds out how terrible Lanque can be. 

Also, fun fact: apparently Livejournal is very popular in Russia. According to Wikipedia, Livejournal is the largest social media site on the Russian speaking portion of the internet, and half of Livejournal’s userbase is from Russia. The more you know!

 If you’ve read this far then I want to say thanks. I also want to provide a link to “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft. It’s a fantastic book that has helped me understand why my dad is the way he is and if you’re dealing with or have dealt with abuse in the past this book will almost certainly help you. It mainly focuses on abusive men and intimate partner violence but the information this book provides can be applied to nearly every abusive person. Here’s the free pdf: https://www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf

I’ll be writing a post about the Soleils tomorrow,

- Mod Jessica

[bigskydreaming]

princeescaluswords replied to your post:

Alex Summers, after the most recent of 128979889...

Why don’t you write Marvel? You couldn’t possibly do any worse and I could use the laughs!

Lol, its a nice dream, but realistically I don’t think there’s any universe in which Marvel would ever let me write the X-Men. 

Like, my very first story would probably have Bobby refreezing the Arctic while Storm heads up a team of elementals to combat climate change. And then a Republican senator and a Democrat senator would go on TV and make a bipartisan show of expressing their gratitude towards mutants for helping save the planet and this is the real future of humanity, this is them all building a world where they can live side by side in a mutually beneficial -

And then the broadcast would cut off because Cypher just hacked every satellite worldwide and said “all your binary codes belong to me now, resistance is futile, blah blah” before turning the camera to Sunspot who’s all decked out in his snazziest suit and dressed to the nines. Roberto yawns and flips the whole world off and says “LOL fuck you, the X-Men are done with respectability politics, we took a vote and our democratic process actually works, we don’t have a fucking electoral college. We only saved the planet because it happens to be the planet we live on, dipshits, nobody did it for you, you’re still cordially invited to go extinct. Or you can play nice and try getting along with the rest of us for a change but good luck trying to make Sentinels happen again, lmao, funding’s gonna be an issue for you pretty soon I think.”

He turns off the camera and goes back to planning his and Sam’s wedding, because look, I have my priorities, okay.

Then Mystique unleashes her new Fellowship of Evil (Same Name, But This Time Its Evil as in STFU, Its Ironic U Assholes) Mutants that she’s been recruiting from the ranks of the young and disenchanted. Overnight, the market is flooded with gold and gems transmuted from ordinary materials by mutant powers, as well as a bunch of shit ‘liberated’ from the coffers of the 1% via her Fellowship’s alliance with her son-in-law’s Thieves’ Guild. Value plummets instantly, and then technopaths join in the fun, crashing every banking system worldwide.

“Whoopsie, I broke capitalism, money’s worthless now, vive la revolution, everyone eat some fucking cake,” Raven sing-songs merrily from the chaise she’s lounging on while eating grapes. The city outside her window is burning. Meanwhile, a fiddler is playing nearby. She calls him Nero, because Aesthetic.

“Oh relax,” she rolls her eyes when Remy attempts to frown at her disapprovingly. “I had my teleporters evacuate the city before I set it on fire. I’m not a heartless monster, you know.”

“You mean you didn’t want to spend the next ten years dealing with your children yelling at you about innocent civilians and how could you,” Remy says dryly.

Mystique just shrugs and eats some more grapes. “Or that.”

Far-right dominated police forces and white supremacist militia groups attempt to forcibly establish martial law, except mostly they’re just standing around clutching their heads and trying to cope with the mother of all migraines as a gestalt of telepathic minds headed up by a Cerebro-powered octet of Jean, Emma, Betsy, Rachel, Quentin, and the Stepford Cuckoos psychically screams FAKE NEWS!!! into their brains every time their CO’s attempt to bark out new orders.

“Best school project ever,” Quire shouts. Emma smirks.

“Extra credit to the first person to psychically leak the full extent of just how extensively governments have invaded their citizens’ privacy with surveillance extremism in the name of national security.”

Jean attempts a half second of chastisement, but with them all linked this closely, there’s really no way to hide that she’s mostly just amused. Oh no, she and Emma are seeing eye to eye on something and there are witnesses and everything. The revolution was a mistake.

Atlanteans and mutant hydrokinetics team up to shove the worst oil and toxic waste and trash spills up onto the shores of every beach marked ‘privately owned’. The mile-wide ‘island’ of plastic debris that formerly sat in the middle of the Pacific is now parked off the coast of Malibu.

There’s a twenty foot demon from Limbo sitting in the Oval Office. It burps. Illyana beams and boops its nose. “Good boy.” It wags its tail and breaks the Oval Office.

Kitty and Kurt direct teams of similarly powered mutants in raiding the top secret R&D facilities of major pharmaceutical companies for all their research on diseases that never made it to mass production because they decided those treatments or cures wouldn’t be profitable in the long run because healthy people don’t need to spend a ton of money on medical care. Teams of healers are standing by to vet the viability of various research, while Hank, Cece and other mutant geniuses are already working on filling in the gaps on all the projects that were shutdown and Forge, Madison Jeffries and tech-based geniuses are converting existing infrastructure into the necessary machinery to take over mass production of these drugs, prosthetics, and sweatshop labor in general.

Speedsters and teleporters are redistributing food and stocking up the millions of properties worldwide that have just been sitting there empty for god knows how long, useless. Colossus is standing in the smashed remains of a mansion with his arms crossed sternly while a man who is definitely not meant to resemble the CEOs of either Tesla or Amazon or look like some kind of Musky Bozo hybrid cowers on the floor.

“You are a very stupid man,” Colossus says. “Why are you wasting billions funding research into space travel when there are aliens with a strong grasp of the technology in the ships that brought them here on every superhero team on Earth? You could have easily provided the Earth with working and widely accessible space travel by now if you weren’t so miserly.”

“Yeah,” Juggernaut says behind him, scratching his head. “Aliens have been coming and going from this planet for like fifty years. There are tons of fancy spaceships anyone could’ve just reverse engineered and mass produced by now. How come nobody’s ever done that and we’re all just acting like space travel is some far-off dream when everyone we know’s been to space like at least ten times?”

“Stupid people,” Colossus rumbles again. Musky Bozo wets himself and Piotr sighs and shakes his head. He didn’t even touch him.

Cyclops and Wolverine and their teams of bruisers are already done with the ICE facilities and have progressed to busting open prisons and liberating all nonviolent offenders. They inform everyone else that they can appeal to a panel of telepaths to read their minds and see for themselves that they’re innocent.

“Guilt determined by mind-reading?” Someone asks. “Lots of potential for sketchiness there.”

“Absolutely,” Scott says. “Which is why laws about boundaries and oversight have to be established. For now, its a volunteer basis only. Nobody has to get their mind read, but its an option available in the meanwhile as we sort out a better system for determining who’s been imprisoned for crimes of premeditated malice and abuse and who’s just been railroaded by an unjust and biased system.”

“So this is your new utopia, huh?” Sneers the prison warden, from the floor where he’s on his ass with a busted face because, idk, Reasons.

Scott just shakes his head. “No. It’s merely a start.”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, but if its broke and you wanna fix it, you gotta start somewhere,” Logan says gruffly. “Shit was broke. This is ‘starting somewhere.’”

He and Scott share a very Passionate look of camaraderie. Rogue sighs loudly.

“Just fuck already, jfc.”

Logan grunts. He already offered, but apparently all Personal Business must wait until after the Revolution was over, because a Scott Summers who put himself first was very clearly an impostor, so its not like Logan could even fucking get mad considering Scott putting in a pin in sucking each other’s faces after their We Were Both Dead But Now We’re Not and Also What the Fuck Was Up With Us For the Five Whole Years Before That reunion was what confirmed that it was definitely the Real Scott’s tongue in his mouth.

“Alright, let’s move it people,” Logan barks, clapping his hands. “There’s three more joints to hit before sundown. We got a timetable here.”

Jubilee squints at him suspiciously. “Since when are you efficient?”

“Mind your own fucking business.”

At no point does anyone suggest they erase the most sacred sites of all the world’s major religions and call them all fake or randomly resurrect a bunch of dinosaurs and release them on unsuspecting and innocent populations, because those are terrible ideas and make no sense and just because they’re stinkin’ commies now doesn’t mean they’re fucking morons.

Also, nobody grows a ridiculous beard or stops using shampoo or starts wearing flip flops or robes, because apparently those are not actually essential components of being a stinkin’ commie or even just a garden variety peace-aspiring socialist. They checked. Extensively. It was almost a dealbreaker. Emma, Monet and Roberto all threatened to side with the Capitalist Pigs if that was not thoroughly clarified before proceeding any further.

Thus ends my first issue. I email Marvel the script. They email it back, almost entirely redacted in red, with the note “This isn’t quite what we were looking for. Do you have anything about a new cure for mutants, maybe?”

I email them back: LOL NO. MAGNETO WAS RIGHT.

I am promptly fired.

I go back to ranting about how Marvel sucks on the internet.