fundamakers-blog

[aerequets]

but we both know you can't.

I was thinking about the wheeler arc and how twilight was unable to kill yuri because he knows it would break yor. and then i thought that if yuri was the one to find out who twilight was first, it would probably be the same situation but reversed.

many implications .......

[blackbleedingrose]

Long Lost Morningstar - Part Two

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairing(s): Charlie x reader (platonic), Vaggie x reader (platonic), Charlie x Vaggie

Genre: Fluff

Warning(s): minor cursing.

Notes: This is the second installment of LLM. This one will be going more in depth in (Y/N)'s life in Heaven and her relationship with Michael and Charlie. I will also be working on another Hazbin mini series (the one I mentioned in my last post) so part three will take a little longer - so, please, bare with me.

Words: 2215

"This is one of the reasons why I wanted to meet you in the first place. . . My full name is (Y/N) Demiurgos. Daughter of Archangel Michael Demiurgos".

(Y/N) Demiugros have lived in Heaven her entire life among the archangels, seraphims, and winners (human souls who ascended into Heaven after they died).

She, herself, was a seraphim - one with very large and beautiful wings; six in total.

Her father, Michael, was one of Heaven's archangel's and one of the Seven Virtues. He was the one who had created her from stardust.

At least, those were the stories she's been told her whole life.

Though, it was strange. . .

Her father had crafted her in his likeness and yet the two couldn't be more different.

Not to say Michael was a complete stiff or was lacking any sense of humor - in fact, all of the archangels had their own strange quirks. (Y/N) loved being around them and often shared their humor.

The problem here was. . . her curiosity.

She was a naturally curious being and would often dream of things most of Heaven would frown upon - like six-winged ducks.

As a child her curiosity would sometimes get the better of her and she would try to venture beyond the archangel's castle (where she lived with Michael and the other archangels).

Of course, Michael was always there to stop her from wandering too far.

It became evident that (Y/N)'s curiosity and wonderous spirit would only get worse if he didn't stop it right there and then.

He didn't want her to end up like her real parents.

What (Y/N) didn't know was that almost everything she has ever known was a complete lie.

Or that Michael was not her real father/parent.

That title rightfully belonged to Lucifer and Lilith Morningstar.

But, of course, no one who knew ever planned on telling her; so, instead they twisted the truth.

Michael told her all about what Lucifer and Lilith had done and how the two brought evil into humanity. An act that got them a one-way dropped elevator ride straight to Hell.

Obviously leaving out the part where Lucifer and Lilith were her real parents, and instead told her they were her estranged uncle and aunt.

He had hoped telling her this would stifle her growing curiosity and wandering enough to keep her out of trouble and from ending up exactly where his twin brother and his lover had all those years ago.

It also helped that ever since Lucifer and Lilith's trial, Heaven has been cracking down on teaching their residents obedience and the consequences of straying too far.

And for a long time it worked.

(Y/N) was one of Heaven's top students and a role model seraphim to all angels alike.

On the outside she was grace, obedience, and perfection personified - just as she was taught and just as Heaven wanted.

But on the inside, she was still that curious and wonderous spirit who would secretly write her dreams in a private journal she had to hide away in a pocket dimension with her magic.

(Y/N) yearned to venture outside of Heaven and explore all the different realms to see what they had to offer. Like the ones she's read from the books in Heaven's restricted section that she may or may not break into in the dead of night (she's a sneaky little sneaker :P).

Tales of archons, unique planets, and realms with distorted human desires would fill her head - her heart yearning to one day travel to those places herself.

But for now, her life was in Heaven as a role model seraphim whose curiosity and wandering was kept in check.

. . . Until she caught wind of the Princess of Hell's meeting by her fellow seraphim, Emily, during their weekly hangout.

(Y/N) was aware Lucifer and Lilith had a child born in Hell, but she never expected her demon cousin would ever be granted permission to enter Heaven.

She couldn't help but wonder what her cousin wanted with Heaven.

Whatever it was, it was big enough to warrant a whole trial with the Head Seraphim, Sera.

Oh, no - there goes her curiosity.

(Y/N) knew her father would frown upon her interacting with the daughter of the ones who damned humanity. . . but she couldn't help it! She really wanted to meet her cousin and see what she was like.

Maybe people in Hell weren't as bad as Heaven made them out to be.

Luckily for her, Emily was quite the chatterbox and told her all about how she and Sera were going to give a tour to the Princess of Hell and her partner, the hotel they were staying at, and the exact room number.

Before she went on her way, (Y/N) managed to get one of her doting simps friends to cover for her and her duties to avoid raising suspicion.

When Emily and Sera had finished talking to Heaven's demon guests and brought them to their hotel room, (Y/N) was hidden away in the hallway waiting until they left.

As soon as she was sure Sera and Emily were gone, (Y/N) quickly rushed to the door.

She silently psyched herself up before knocking.

Charlie and Vaggie, who were skeptical to hear a knock so fast, hesitantly opened the door.

"Uh. . . Hello?".

When Charlie opened the door she definitely wasn't expecting to see a very tall angel with long blonde hair, purple eyes, red cheek circle's, and a big smile on her pale face standing outside. For a moment Charlie could have sworn she was almost looking at her mother.

"Hello! You must be Charlie and Vaggie! Emily's told me all about you - well, the only things that she knew before meeting you. Haven't had the chance to ask her about you after meeting you, but since I'm here now I might as well as you yourselves!".

(Y/N) snapped out of her trailing thoughts and rambling, "Oh, shit! My bad! I got a little carried away and forgot to introduce myself. Sorry. My name is (Y/N). I'm a seraphim. It's so nice to finally meet you!"

Charlie and Vaggie had to recover from the whiplash of the seraphim's personality and onslaught of words. Not wanting to offend her and mess up her chance before the trial, Charlie invited (Y/N) inside. (Y/N) eagerly accepted and walked into the room admiring it - she's never been in a hotel before.

"So. . . why are you here?" Vaggie asked rather rudely suspicious of why a random seraphim would go out of their way to talk to people from Hell. "Vaggie!" Charlie whisper-yelled afraid she offended a potential high authority in Heaven.

"Oh, well, I was hoping to get a chance to meet you both. When Emily told me about how the Princess of Hell wanted a meeting in Heaven about her hotel to redeem sinners, I'll admit my curiosity was peaked and I knew I had to see who you were in person".

Charlie gasped, her eyes shining, "Does this mean you think it's possible to rehabilitate demons?!". Vaggie glared at the angelic being, "Why would a seraphim care to meet people like us?".

(Y/N) gave the two a gentle smile, "Well, I tend to be a naturally curious individual - which I'm sure you can imagine isn't something Heaven is too fond of. As for redeeming sinners - I'm not sure. Personally, I would love to see souls in Hell given the chance to be redeemed and enter Heaven. Especially the ones who truly do not deserve eternal damnation. Which is why I'm excited to see how your trial ends. Hopefully you have evidence to prove your hotel works. I mean, if the Princess of Hell is willing to vouch and put in the effort on giving sinners a better chance at an afterlife in paradise, then maybe not all demons are bad after all".

Charlie and Vaggie were awestruck. Sure, Emily was really nice but (Y/N) was the first angel to actually be willing to give them a chance. Charlie had tears in her eyes, "D-Do you really believe that?". (Y/N) smiled and laid her hand on Charlie's, "I do".

Charlie and Vaggie smiled at the seraphim. It was nice to see that there was one angel here in Heaven who wasn't going to shut them down right away - someone who genuinely supported their cause.

The three chatted some more - mainly Charlie and (Y/N) with Vaggie chiming in from time to time. Now that the three got more comfortable with each other, the conversation was going a lot smoother. Despite just meeting one another, Charlie and (Y/N) felt like they've known each other for years.

"So, what do you do here in Heaven?" Charlie asked (Y/N). "Oh! Well, I sometimes help the archangels with their duties, but I mainly work in court trials", (Y/N) answered. Charlie's eyes lit up, "Court trials?".

(Y/N) immediately caught on. She shook her head, "Oh, no. Not in the actual trials; that's for the higher seraphims. In this case, Sera and Emily. I'm just a stenographer and record keeper. I help keep and maintain the court records and sometimes record the trials in person".

Vaggie raised a brow, "A seraphim as a stenographer?". (Y/N) nodded, "It's actually a very important job. . . but, I won't lie and say it was my first choice for a job. It was my father's idea. His way of keeping me busy, entertained, and out of trouble".

Charlie blinked, "Oh! Who's your father?". (Y/N) bit her lip nervous, "This is one of the reasons why I wanted to meet you in the first place. . . My full name is (Y/N) Demiurgos. Daughter of Archangel Michael Demiurgos". Charlie and Vaggie's jaws dropped.

"Archangel Michael?! A-As in my dad's twin brother?!".

(Y/N) nodded fiddling nervously with her hands. Charlie did a double take, "Woah, woah! Wait! Then doesn't that make us-" "Cousins," (Y/N) confirmed. Charlie gasped placing her hands on her cheeks, "OMG! That's amazing!". (Y/N) smiled in relief, "Yeah. I guess it is".

"Who's your mom?" Charlie asked eagerly. "Oh, I don't have one," (Y/N) said rather casually. This made Charlie and Vaggie feel a bit bad, "Oh".

(Y/N) waved her hands, "Oh, it's not like that! I've never had one! You see most angels are typically created here in Heaven using stardust, which is how my father created me. He used his likeness and the female reference of Lilith - your mother. And thus, I was born".

"Oooh - that makes so much sense! Now, I understand why you look so familiar!" Charlie smiled at her newly found relative. She couldn't believe she had a cousin in Heaven. One so kind and beautiful.

(Y/N) was relieved at how fast Charlie accepted her. She was worried she might not be too fond of having an angelic relative.

Vaggie was a bit nervous to discover that (Y/N) was the daughter of a higher ranking angel, but it quickly went away when she saw how happy her and Charlie were talking to each other.

She's only known (Y/N) for a short while, but she truly believed the seraphim had no ill intentions towards them and genuinely wanted to get to know them.

In fact, (Y/N)'s personality reminded her a little of Charlie.

(Y/N) admired her cousin for her big heart and the confidence she had in her own dreams. She was ashamed to admit she was a little envious.

How she wished she could act on her dreams like her little cousin; but, Heaven would never allow it. Her father always had to remind her not to stray too far, or she might end up just like her uncle and aunt. . . Fallen.

This was why she had to always keep up appearances when she was in public. No one other than those closest to her knew of the dorky, cheerful, and quirky side of her personality. To everyone else she was poised, graceful, and elegant.

When Charlie had asked her about her dreams (Y/N) told her seraphims weren't allowed to dream, or at least have dreams that would go against Heaven's rules.

Despite trying to hide how much that bothered her, Charlie and Vaggie noticed the small shift in her behavior. They felt bad for her wishing Heaven could be more open minded.

(Y/N) quickly waved it off claiming she was okay and that she was used it. She understood her father just wanted to keep her safe and out of trouble.

Soon it was time for (Y/N) to go to avoid making her father suspicious of her whereabouts.

Before she left she and Charlie shared a tight loving hug. (Y/N) wished her good luck in her trial and that she would be rooting for her.

Hearing her cousin support her dream and wish her luck made Charlie feel a lot better about the trial.

Being around (Y/N) made her feel comfortable and safe. She felt familiar, which now makes sense seeing as the two were family.

Her dad couldn't be here, so it felt good knowing there was someone in her family here in Heaven who believed in her.

With those thoughts in mind, she was ready for the trial and positive she would change Heaven's mind and prove the hotel's credibility.

. . . Too bad things sometimes don't go as we hoped.

Taglist:

@soobryu @kyo-kyo1 @miyako-night20 @charliecharlie65 @unknow-sama @myluckymoon @lbcreations-blog @moonchaos18

[roseghoul26]

Hello! I would like to request Cooper Howard x gn!reader (post war, because...murderous cowboy...hnnngh), where they struggle with mental health issues like depression? I've been in a really tough spot, having no energy or motivation to do anything or really any desire to take care of myself. So I was thinking, maybe the reader's mental health is declining, they're slower and sloppier when it comes to keeping up with Cooper and he's more and more frustrated. Then one day he has enough (maybe the reader is taking too long packing up) and threatens to leave them and they're just...passive, because they really don't care anymore about what happens to them. So he realises they haven't been taking care of themselves properly for a while now and then some soft moments with him? I know this is pretty dark and you can change this however you'd like, but I'm dying for some hurt/comfort with this man 🥺 It's totally cool if it's too much for you, if you decide to not write this, please just let me know, so I don't wait for it. Thank you so much, I love your Cooper fics <3

Cooper Howard | The Ghoul x gn!Reader

Synopsis: You’ve been struggling lately, putting both you and your traveling companion in danger. He was bound to confront you about it eventually. Tags: Prompt Request, Not Beta Read, Gender Neutral Reader, Depression, Mental Health, Mentions of Suicide, Disagreements, Comfort, Lazy Day, Cuddling, Beginning Relationships Author's Note: Trigger warning for topics relating to mental health, such as depression and suicide. Please do not read if you’re not in a good mental space. Take care of yourselves. Also, everyone’s experience with depression and mental health issues differs, so I am writing this story the way I experience it. Also, this was a fun challenge to write. Like how the hell would he approach a topic like this? It’s been fun to explore his character like that, and I hope I did it justice. Thank you so much for the request! <333

You used to be able to keep up with the Ghoul. 

Wherever he went, you followed, tearing through the Wastleland without hindrance. You watched his back, and he yours, a security that was unheard of in this world. It was a trusting friendship, bordering on something else, something that neither of you had crossed yet. You couldn't compete with over a hundred years of experience with a gun, but you were able to hold your own quite well. You were a decent shot and someone who never let anyone get the drop on you, senses always sharp. 

So when you started missing easy targets and found yourself surprised by opponents one too many times, you knew it was a matter of time before the Ghoul started asking questions and not believing the first lie that you said. The first time it had happened, you blamed it on your lack of sleep, and he seemed to buy it. And maybe you convinced yourself it was just a lack of sleep, ignoring the darkness that had begun to emerge in your mind. You just needed to rest, was what you told yourself. 

It happened again a few days later, completely missing a target in front of you. Your reactions had begun to slow down, too, unable to avoid the swing of a blade, cutting across your cheek. It was like your body gave up on wanting to move, an unbearable weariness to your muscles that you were unable to shake. Later, as you bandaged the wound on your cheek, the Ghoul confronted you, demanding to know why you were acting so sloppy. You’d merely shrugged, offering up the idea that you were sick. This time he seemed less convinced, yet he had let the matter go. 

You knew why you were acting the way you were. You weren’t unfamiliar with depression, far from it. It was something you’d dealt with your entire life, coming and going like waves. You’d go days, weeks, months and you’d be fine, but then a flip would switch. You’d lose your energy, your motivation, wanting nothing more than to just lay on the ground and never get back up. You’d stop taking care of your body. You’d lose your appetite. Your thoughts would turn dark, ideations and ideas flashing in your mind, things that you’d never tell another soul. 

For the months you’d been traveling with the Ghoul, you’d been able to keep a reign on your depression. Sure, you had your off days, but nothing like this. It was like the universe was punishing you for having such an excellent past months. 

But how could you explain this to your traveling partner? How could you explain that you didn’t have the energy to continue existing, to continue fighting? He needed you to be alert, to not have your thoughts occupied with something, that in perspective to the Wasteland around you, was trivial. 

So you kept your mouth shut, forcing yourself to appear alert and unaffected. You forced those thoughts to the back of your mind. You forced your body to move, no matter how much it screamed at you to just be still.

But it seemed that all that bottling your thoughts up did was make it worse. As the days dragged on, you stopped talking, only muttering small words whenever the Ghoul asked you a question. You’d normally spend the time traveling conversing, and the Ghoul did try to initiate a conversation with you, but no amount of questions and joking and jabs could get you to break. Eventually, he fell quiet too.

Sleeping became a challenge. You’d think with how exhausted your body felt, you’d be able to sleep easily, but the opposite was true. Hours would tick by, and you’d lie awake, getting up the next morning more exhausted than before you went to bed. Your face, already a bit gaunt from living such a difficult life, had grown even more so, the circles around your eyes darkening and your lips growing more chapped. 

You stopped eating, turning away the food he offered you. After you went a few days without eating more than a bite, he practically forced spoonfuls of food into your mouth, snapping at you the entire time. It was humiliating, but you couldn’t bring yourself to change. You just wanted to be done. 

You could tell that your demeanor was starting to annoy the hell out of the Ghoul, whose words had turned shorter and snappier. If you took too long, he’d grab you by the shoulder and drag you along, like an upset parent with their child. Your cheeks would burn every time, tears pickling your eyes, and you’d hang your head. 

There was a tension growing between you and the Ghoul, your friendship growing thin. His guard was up constantly, unable to trust you any longer to watch his back, which hurt you more than any knife or gun. Soft glances disappeared, his gaze scrutinizing when he looked at you. Light touches from him reserved for when you were at rest were no more, as you chose to keep to yourself every night. Instead of walking side-by-side, you’d linger a few feet behind him. You pretended like it was easier this way, to make him push you away, but it was tearing you apart. 

But eventually, that tension snapped. Too many close calls, too many sluggish movements, too many half-hearted excuses finally made him break. You’d just gotten up for the day, another sleepless night behind you, and you were packing up your few belongings. You must’ve been taking too long, because you heard him sigh audibly, standing in the open doorway of the room you’d sheltered in for the night. “What’s your fuckin’ issue?” He growled, arms crossed tight over his chest.

You looked up, feigning confusion. “I dunno what-”

“Bullshit,” he cut you off. He began to walk towards you, his steps methodical, threatening. “You’ve been actin’ like this for weeks, and you’ve only offered me half-assed excuses.” He was seething, and understandably so. He crouched down in front of you, rendering you unable to escape. “So, you,” he stuck a finger in your chest, barely avoiding hitting you, “are gonna tell me why. And don’t even think ‘bout lyin’, sweetheart.”

You swallowed, heart hammering in your chest at the confrontation. Words flooded your mind, a full explanation on the tip of your tongue, yet you just couldn’t bring yourself to utter it. Your mouth opened and closed, struggling, until you eventually just gave up. Sighing, you just shook your head, which pissed him off even more. 

A disbelieving laugh left him, and he ran a gloved hand over his face. “No? You’re kiddin’ me, right?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Ya know, I’ve tried to be lenient. I bought into your fuckin’ lies that you were ‘just tired’, ‘just sick’. I tried to give ya space, to give ya time to get out of this. But you’re gonna get us both killed if ya don’t fix yourself. I can’t be distracted out there, constantly worried ‘bout you and keepin’ you alive, ‘cause it seems like that’s the last thing on your mind.”

He took a breath, steadying his rising voice. “So I’m gonna give ya one more chance to explain yourself, or else I’m leavin’ without ya.”

“Then leave.” Your response came almost immediately, your voice lacking any inflection. Even though in the back of your mind you were screaming at him not to leave, you kept an air of indifference about you, unable to make yourself care. It would be easier if he just left, wouldn’t it? You wouldn’t be putting anyone else in danger, and you wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt you felt of him worrying about you so much. And it would be so much easier to just disappear if there was no one looking for you.

He wasn’t expecting that as a response if the look on his face told you anything. His brow muscles were raised, leaning back from you in shock. But the way he was watching you, it was like he was observing you in a different light, dots beginning to connect in his mind. “You’ll die out there without me.” 

You merely shrugged your shoulders, glancing down to continue packing your belongings, no longer able to look him in the eye. He didn’t respond, simply standing up with a sigh. You didn’t look up, not even as you heard him walk away, backing towards the entrance of the room. You didn’t look up, even as you heard the surprisingly gentle click of the door as it shut. You didn’t look up, even as the tears that you’d been holding for the past weeks finally fell.

You were alone.

You thought it would make you feel better like there would be a weight lifted off your shoulders. But everything just felt heavier, the thoughts in your mind becoming a tempest, making you physically weak. Expletives tumbled from your lips as you sagged down onto your arms, head hung. Of course, he’d fucking leave, you idiot. No one wants to deal with your moping.

A part of you wanted to chase after him, to beg him to stay, but you already felt pathetic enough. You couldn’t blame him for leaving, not at all. You were weighing him down, putting his life in danger; he said so himself. He could only deal with you for so long. You should be grateful that he didn’t leave sooner.

The sound of rustling fabric made you jump, finally looking up. The Ghoul had taken off his jacket, laying it across the back of the couch he had slept on, never having left the room at all. Stunned, you watched him sit, taking his hat off in the process and setting it on the floor. He finally caught your eye then, a soft look on his face, a look you hadn’t seen in a long while. 

“I thought you left,” you whispered, sitting back upright. Embarrassment warmed your cheeks, and you tried to wipe the tears that had fallen on them. 

“I ain’t leavin’ ya, sweetheart.”

“Why not?”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Do you want me to go?” You’d never shaken your head faster in your life. “Then I’m stayin’.”

“But why?”

He sighed. “‘Cause I care ‘bout you. I… Is that too hard to believe?”

It is. Unable to find words, you just shrugged again. 

Something akin to regret or remorse flashed across his face, and muttering something under his breath he reclined against the couch. He was upset, but even now you could tell it was not because of you, at least not fully. “C’mere,” he murmured, patting the couch beside him. “You look like you’re gonna fuckin’ bolt at any second.”

Taking a steadying breath, you complied, albeit with some difficulty, your legs barely wanting to function. His gaze didn’t leave you once, as much as you wished it would, making you want to collapse in on yourself. The walk to the couch felt like it was miles long, but you eventually made your way over to it and him. 

He rolled his eyes when you just stood there in front of him, unsure of what to do with yourself. “Sit down, I ain’t gonna fuckin’ bite.” In another situation, you knew he’d add some comment like unless ya want me to, but he bit his tongue. The couch groaned as you sat next to the Ghoul, keeping a foot between your bodies. “Talk to me,” he commanded, yet his voice was gentle. “What the hell’s goin’ on?”

You picked at the skin around your nails, no doubt drawing blood. “I’m… I’m not quite sure how to explain it,” you responded, and you expected your words to upset the man even more. But he nodded his head slowly, an almost understanding look on his face. “I’m just… done."

“Done with… what? Bein’ out on the road?” You shook your head. “Travellin’ with me?” You shook your head again, this time more vehemently. “Done with what?” You knew that he knew the answer to his question, but he wanted you to say it.

“I’m done with… with existing. I just can’t bring myself to care anymore. I’m just so tired of it all.” You sagged back against the couch like speaking took a toll on your body. “I’m so tired.”

He didn’t respond for a while, mulling over your words. “That… that explains a lot,” he chuckled humourlessly. “Your mind won’t just leave ya the hell alone, will it? It's like all your mind can focus on are these terrible fuckin’ things, no matter what ya do. And it just weighs on ya, like a million pounds, getting worse with every passin’ day until you just wanna… give up.”

He explained it perfectly, and you cocked your head to the side, a bit confused about how he was able to do so. “I ain’t a stranger to what you’re goin’ through. We’re well fuckin’ acquainted, to say the least. So I shoulda recognized it sooner with ya.” 

He paused, sighing. “Wanna know somethin’?” You nodded. “I was too busy thinkin’ ‘bout what I did to upset ya that I didn’t bother to think of any other possible reason as to why you’re actin’ the way you are. But once I realized it wasn’t my fault, not entirely, instead of bein’ there for ya, I was an ass. I thought, because I’m a damn idiot, that you were just mopin’ around for the hell of it, putting us both in danger simply ‘cause you were tired or some shit. Not once did I stop to think why. And I apologize.”

“You don’t gotta-” He cut you off with a pointed look. “I… I accept your apology, then.”

He nodded slowly, content. “I’d like to help ya, sweetheart. I know nothin’ I say or do is gonna make it go away like that… but I’d like to try. Whatever ya need from me, and you’ve got it.”

“I’m not sure what I need exactly,” you admitted quietly.

“When ya figure it out, will ya let me know?” You nodded.

“Just… be patient. As difficult as that is for you.” You hadn’t meant for the jab to come out, but you weren’t taking it back. Especially when a loud laugh left the Ghoul, making a smile of your own appear on your face. It was faint, yet it was there.

An almost starstruck expression appeared on his face, his laughter dying out. “I missed seein’ ya smile,” he murmured as if it was a subconscious thought.

You ducked your head, making him laugh again. “As for bein’ patient, well, I can be that, if that’s what ya need.”

“It’ll take some time,” you cautioned again, indirectly giving him a chance to back out of this. 

“Time ain’t an issue. I’ll wait as long as it fuckin’ takes.”

“You mean it?” Your voice was so soft, barely audible to either of you. 

You watched as one of his gloved hands inched towards you, palm upturned. Tentatively, you placed your in his, eyes growing wide when he brought your hand to his lips, kissing the back of it gently. “I swear,” he uttered, sealing the promise with another press of his lips.

As you returned your tingling hand to your lap, his eyes scanned over your face, a furrow appearing between his brow. “How long has it been since you’ve eaten somethin’? Somethin’ that I didn’t force ya to eat,” he added when you opened your mouth to respond. 

Your silence said enough, and he leaned down to his bag, which he had placed beside the couch when he sat. After a few moments of rustling through, he handed you a small bag of what appeared to be jerky, as well as a small canteen of water. “It ain’ human,” he added when you eyed the bag suspiciously before taking it.

The jerky was salty and tough when you took a bite, not quite wanting to, but unable to not eat under his gaze. You ate in silence until your stomach was full and your teeth hurt from the tough material. Taking a swig of water, you could feel your eyes growing heavy, eating seemingly draining your energy more than replenishing it. Stifling a yawn, you shoved the canteen back into his hand, and you noticed he had an almost pleased look on his face. 

You were confused, though, when he stood, making his way to the entrance of the room. For a moment, those thoughts flashed in your mind that told you that he was finally leaving, that he realized how pathetic you were. But instead of doing any of those things, you watched as he simply wedged a chair under the handle of the door, like he had done before you went to bed for the night. 

“What’re you doing?”

“We takin’ the day off. Doctor’s orders.”

“But aren’t we supposed to be in Filly in a few days?”

“We’ll be fine. You are gonna spend today catchin’ up on some much-needed rest.” He stood in front of you now, a moth-eaten blanket in his hands. 

“And what are you gonna do?” You asked, and he shrugged. 

“Don’t worry ‘bout me, sweetheart. Go ‘head, lie down.”

Your eyes quickly scanned the couch, and you took a deep breath before speaking again. “The couch is big enough for us both, no?”

For the second time that day, you’d stunned him with your responses. “Is… is that what ya want?”

Encouraged that he hadn’t just outrightly said no, you nodded your head, and a fond look crossed his features. He handed you the blanket before sitting once more, but instead of his back being against the cushions, he rested it against one of the armrests, not before tucking a pillow in front of it. 

Once he was situated, he opened up his arms to you, and you could’ve laughed at how uncertain he looked. Hands rested on your body when you laid down, head on his chest, laying on your stomach, and you made sure the blanket covered both your bodies as best you could. You weren’t too worried about covering all of you, though, with the sheer amount of warmth he was radiating. 

His eyes were already on you when you glanced up, a smile pulling at his lips. “Comfy?”

“Yes.” Your voice was barely audible, but he heard it. 

You felt his fidget with something in his hand behind your back, but you didn’t have to wait long to find out what he was doing. You felt fingers run along your scalp, making you shudder, before combing through any hair there. “Alright?”

You sighed contently, nodding your head before letting it fall back onto his chest. He continued to run his fingers there, his other hand tracing patterns across your shoulders. You hadn’t realized how tired you were until now, finding it hard to keep your eyes open. For the first time in a long time, you felt safe. Safe from the world outside this room. Safe from the thoughts that plagued your mind. Safe from everything. 

He didn’t have to see your face to know that you were struggling to stay awake. “Go to bed. I’ll be here when you wake.”

“Promise?”

“Ain’t fuckin’ like I’m gonna be able to get up,” he chuckled, before taking a more serious tone. “I promise.”

That was all you needed to hear before you finally let the final strings of consciousness leave your grasp. Before you lost control of all your senses, though, you felt him lean down, pressing a barely-there kiss to the top of your head. “You’ll get through this, sweetheart.”

You believed him.

[acesandocs]

Finally a fic that includes a cannon character. In this case Viktor, its an exploration of what Viktor thinks of Ace and is written from his perspective. It also discusses his reaction to Ace's gender identity which he has a somewhat reductive view of. I wrote what i think would be the most likely reaction from him considering his age and the environment he grew up in. The story takes place after Ace started working for Atlas but before Atlas died. Ace presented exclusively masculine at this point.

Also thanks so much to @ahhhh-118 for beta reading for me and helping me come up with some ideas for the title card!

Content Warning: mentions of gun violence, serious injury, blood and drugs (medical painkillers)

What the hell was he thinking! Just running in like that, stupid kid. Viktor spared quick glances over to Ace in the passenger seat. He’d slumped to the side and was leaning on the car door window now. Don’t worry just drive. Why was he worried in the first place. He was just some idiot kid he’d been saddled with for the night. It was initially just supposed to be him and Mordecai, but the tuxedo cat had gotten caught up in some other business he had to finish. So the kid had been sent with him as a replacement. He just needed some extra muscle anyway so this would be easy, but apparently not. They'd been ambushed on the side of the road. He’d just let the him out of his sight for a second but suddenly he was right in the middle of all the gunfire. The kid was lucky one bullet was the worst he got. He even tried to wave it off like it wasn't a big deal

‘’Jus’ drop me off at the cafe, I’ll be fine’’ Is what he said.

It was almost tempting. This isn't how Viktor wanted to spend the rest of his afternoon. But if he couldn't trust the kid not to run into open gunfire he knew he probably wouldn't be able to get medical help on his own. Viktor pulled up to what he thought was Ace’s apartment building.

‘’Which is- ‘’

Viktor said as he looked over just to see Ace fiddling with the door handle. He managed to grab the back of his shirt before he could face plant out the door. Once the Slovak managed to get the boy safely back in his seat, he grabbed a coat from the back and got out muttering a foreign curse ot two while quickly making his way to the other side of the car.

‘’Apartment number’’ he said sporting one of his infamous glares.

‘’…407‘’ Ace coughed out.

Viktor offered him a shoulder to lean on but he refused. Why was he so stubborn about this. Ace was usually overly familiar him. He sighed and handed Ace the coat. The kid wrapped it around himself, making sure to cover any signs of his injury. It was almost comical how big it looked on him. Hopefully his neighbors would just think he was drunk, the way he stumbled up to the elevator. With the push of some buttons and a metallic whine they were on their way up. By now Viktor could see the kid was struggling to stand up. As the doors opened he hooked his arm under the smaller cats shoulder.

‘’I said I can-‘’

‘’Now is not time for whining.‘’

The kid grumbled but relented. They made it into the apartment without much trouble. Viktor let Ace down the nearest chair.

‘’Keep pressure on it. I will go call doktor.’’

Ace only nodded. Viktor supposed he was to tired to refuse the help at this point.

A quick call and half an hour later Ace was being seen to by one of Atlas’ on-call medics. They tended to work odd hours usually having to be available to tend to his personnel at any time. Viktor stayed in the kitchen as the older woman worked. It were three rooms in total a bedroom a bathroom and the main entrance room that was also a kitchen. The apartment was competently furnished albeit almost everything was miss-matched. Just the plates sitting in the sink were different colors and materials. The only unusual piece of furniture in the apartment was a almost pristine sewing machine and table. A few shelves hung on the wall in front of it with a robust selection of threads, ribbons and other textile accessories Viktor couldn't name. And a bigger box of fabrics sat underneath the table next to a small stool, that was presumably pulled out when the machine was in use.

Viktors ears twitch as he heard the doctors footsteps exit the bedroom ‘’I removed the bullet, dressed up the wound and gave her some pain killers. I’m about 83% sure the bullet didn't hit anything vital but if she starts spitting blood call me back up.’’ She said with a huff wiping the sweat from her brow with her sleeve.

‘’She?’’

‘’Yeah you know, in there‘’ gesturing to the room behind them with her thumb.

Viktor blinked a few times brown furrowing in confusion, he opened his mouth about to counter her but the doctor interrupted him seeming to be in a hurry.

‘’She’s stable for now but you should still monitor her. I have a few more stops to make tonight but if she gets worse ill probably be able to make time to come back… probably’’ And with that she was out the door

Viktor stood in the kitchen for a moment contemplating the medic's words. He peaked into the bedroom and he saw Ace lying on the bed near the window wearing a pair of pajamas while his old bloody clothes slung over a the back of a chair, along with what looked some old bandages. It was much clearer to see now that the medic had not been lying.

He retreated back to the kitchen slumping down on by the table as he furrowed his brows. He had always thought there was something off about the kid. He looked remarkably young for a man of 20 and his voice was light and raspy. He could have just been lying about his age. Viktor had raised the the thought to Atlas once but was assured he didn't need to worry about it. He tried not to think about it, he wouldn't be the only teenager in this line of work thats for sure and besides he or she? Had always done their job well for the most part. And it wasn't really any of his business. He had enough to worry about. But he couldn't stop wondering why. why was she here, doing this job. why was she pretending to be a man. Didn't she have a family or something.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a loud thump. Like someone had dropped a sack of potatoes on the ground. Peeking back into the bed room there he was sprawled out on the floor the tip of his tail swishing quickly back and forth in frustration. H-she was trying to push herself up from the ground but couldn't quite manage before it became to painful. Lying on her side holding her ribs, her eyes looked bleary as she noticed Vikor reaching down for her. Viktor gently lifted her up and placed her on her bed. He was about to stand up and leave when a weak hand gripped his forearm.

‘’Jeg vil ikke være alene… jeg er redd’’

He gently tried to shake her off but she was persistent

‘’Nei … morfar…’’

She was completely out of it. Slurring her words and sniffling? He’d never seen her cry. He’d never really seen her show any other strong emotion than erratic glee.

‘’Kan du lukke vinduet?’’

She limply gestured towards the open window to the left. He looked back at her and she seemed almost scared of it. He slowly made his way over and closed it, it seemed to make her more at ease. Victor slowly made his way to the door but was interrupted again

‘’Ikke dra fra meg!’’

She was openly crying now and reaching for him. He sighed and pulled up a chair and sat beside her. She relaxed back into bed.

‘’Kan du synge noe?’’

He thinks she was asking a question by the tone.

‘’Sleep naov, ask later.’’

She looked at him for moment but eventually responded

‘’Det går fint. Så lenge du ikke drar.’’

She closed her eyes and rested her hands between the pillow and her head. She almost looked like a child. Sighing as he looked out the window he though he’d keep an eye on her for a few hours before leaving, and maybe he could confront her about I tomorrow. Then again he didn't wasn't to deal with whatever drama that might cause. He should probably just act like it didn't happen. Maybe he could push her to quit, she had to just have run away from home right. He’d just have to get her to run back. But what if hse didnt have anywhere to run back to, he tried not to dwell on it. This wasn't a place fro her. Åse grunted as she shifted on the bed, her wound clearly bothering her. She looked pitiful.

‘’No place…’’ he muttered softly

A translation of Ace's dialoug at the end:

‘’Jeg vil ikke være alene… jeg er redd’’ - ''I don't want to be alone… I'm scared.''

‘’Nei … morfar…’’ - ''No… Grandpa…''

‘’Kan du lukke vinduet?’’ - ''Can you close the window?''

‘’Ikke dra fra meg!’’ - ''Don't leave me!''

‘’Kan du synge noe?’’ - ''Can you sing something?''

‘’Det går fint. Så lenge du ikke drar.’’ - ''It's fine. As long as you don't leave.''

Authors note: Ive mentioned before that Viktor reminds Ace of his grandpa. They have the have the same body type and bright red fur. And while being very sweet to his family, Ace's grandpa could be similarly grumpy and quiet to other people. In Ace's pain killer addled mind he probably remembered some time in his childhood when his grandpa took care of him when he was sick and confused Viktor for him. Aces grandpa was also liked to sing, which is why Ace makes that request.

I imagine Aces grandpa sounding like Alf Prøysen who is a Norwegian musician among other things. He is probably best remeberd today for the children's music and books he wrote. There are some reference's to his songs and stories in the title card.

I hope i managed to catch all the spelling mistakes and fix up any weird wording lol.

[minty-thereader]

LUFFY x READER

I’ve noticed that many OPLA stories are gender-neutral or labeled as “afab,” which left me feeling a bit confused. After searching for a while without much luck, I thought, “Why not write an x fem reader story myself?” This is a short one-shot, and I hope you all enjoy it! I wanted to share this intro to let readers know that this story is specifically for those who identify with it. If that’s not you, no worries—there are plenty of other stories out there! Thank you for taking the time to read!

I am also open to requests!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Ahh! A new island just waiting for us to explore! This is what adventure is all about!!” Luffy shouted to his crew, throwing his hands in the air with that unstoppable grin. He could barely contain himself when Nami, their trusty navigator, told them there was land ahead on the Grand Line. An island meant a break—finally! A break from what? From the endless sea, of course!

“Luffy, can you please relax?” Nami groaned, glancing up from her map with a tired glare. “For all we know, this island could be crawling with savages or monsters.”

“Tough luck! Who cares who’s here? As long as there’s booze, I’m good,” Zoro muttered with a shrug, not even looking up.

“You totally ignored the part about monsters, didn’t you? Great,” Nami huffed, exchanging a long-suffering look with him before rolling her eyes and turning back to her map.

Everyone was tense, each carrying their own kind of exhaustion from weeks of sailing, fighting off pirates, and barely hanging on. Nami was itching for a spa day, Zoro was restless without a drink, Sanji’s food stock was running low, and Usopp’s stomach was definitely over the whole “life at sea” thing. Everyone just wanted a couple of days to relax—everyone, that is, except their captain, who’d be up for anything as long as there was adventure!

“Alright, everyone off the ship!” Sanji called, already checking out the view ahead. “I heard there’s supposed to be a town here! We’ll find a place to stay—hopefully cheap—and kick back for a couple of days before we get moving again!”

With the Going Merry safely anchored, the crew hopped down, one after another, boots hitting solid ground for the first time in weeks. They wandered through the thick, wild forest, breathing in the scent of damp leaves and earth until the trees opened up to reveal a little hidden town nestled deep on the island, waiting like a secret.

“ALRIGHT YEAH! FOOD!” Luffy couldn’t wait for Nami to pass out instructions on how they’d find themselves a hotel, he just ran off into the distant town following the scent of roast beef. The others look to each other, nervous because of the possible dangers Luffy would put them in. When they finally met up with their captain they found him inside a friendly little diner! People were talking and laughing, waiters and waitresses bustling about! Just from this experience they could tell this was a good town with good people!

And then there was Luffy.

He looked kinda disgusting with the juices of a roast beef all over his mouth and hands and the table he sat at filled with empty plates of bone, a table big enough for six! “Ugh really Luffy?! It’s been 5 minutes how the hell did you already eat this much?!” Nami yelled at him taking a seat, everyone else following. “You don’t even know how much money this is gonna cost us! You know how much these plates cost?! HUH?!” Nami screamed in his ear as she pulled on it. The redhead was so frustrated she could cry, the thought of paying a thousand berries for this was gonna send her crazy! For sure!

Seeing Nami’s scared expression it made the young woman that was behind the bar of the diner pause what she was doing to come over with some drinks. Seeing her immediately Nami shook her hand, “oh! No we didn’t order anything.” “It’s okay,” the girl said, her eyes wandering over to Luffy, “it’s on the house.” A big smile came to her face and Sanji’s heart dropped. “Gosh with a smile like that I wouldn’t mind if you looked at me every damn day baby.” His comment made her blush and she laughed it away, “thank you. Enjoy!” She quickly backed away and went back to her station, Luffy’s eyes trailing on her.

“She’s a pretty good bartender,” he said out loud. “Oh? You talked to her already?” Usopp asked him, his face stuffed with fries. “Yup! She was the first person to approach me when I came in! I loved it when we were talking and her eyes just kept lighting up. I even complimented her skin! It’s such a smooth and beautiful s/c! Hmmm…” Everyone was shocked. Luffy has never complimented anybody before except on their skills but appearance? That was Sanji’s job! “Oh here she comes again!” Luffy says watching the woman walk by.

“Hey miss! Hi!” She stops and turns to him. “Yes??” “I like you! What’s your name?” The woman paused at this comment before remembering herself and pointing to her name tag. “It’s Y/n.” “Your name matches your face, it’s beautiful!” Luffy says loudly. Nami was quick to cover his mouth with a blush matching Y/n’s. “I am so sorry about our captain! He’s so silly he doesn’t know how to talk to people! Hehe! Can we get the bill please??” “Already?!” Usopp cried out, “I was just getting to the good part too..”

Y/n, embarrassed left quickly to get their bill and then she gave it to Nami seeing as that was the only responsible person in the group. “Thank you so much,” Nami tells her. “It’s not a problem! If it helps you can come back and I will be glad to serve you and your friends drinks for free! With sides of course.” Nami stood and dragged Luffy out by his underarms.

“Oh that would be so sweet of you! Thank you so much! We’ll be going now!” “Bye Y/n!” Luffy yelled with a smile, and off they went to get their room, a feeling of warmth that he couldn’t seem to replace as he thought about her all the rest of the night.

[magnolia-sunrise]

The way you explore Bastien’s sense of identity through his presentation reminds me of an OC of mine, so they might see eye to eye in at least some respects! My guy Evan (he/him) is a fat trans man who figured out he was trans a little late into his teenage years because he was too preoccupied being the third parent to his three younger siblings. Eventually this fact about himself was too strong for him to ignore, though, and thus he quickly began the process of socially transitioning and gradually sought medical transition as well. He changed names several times throughout this period (Callum, Beck, Rory, and many others among them)

His parents… They weren’t *un*supportive, but in the very least his mother, who saw a lot of herself in her oldest child, indulged his desire to transition while never quite shaking his deadname out of her vocabulary, you know? Especially with him changing names *so* often, it’s just *so* hard to remember which one is right these days. And Evan wanted to maintain a relationship with his parents for a long time (honestly what he wanted was to stay close to his siblings, the youngest of whom is 13 years younger than him). It wasn’t until after he met his eventual spouse, Isador (he/she), who called him by the right name consistently, who encouraged him to experiment and figure out what he liked about being trans, and who showed him what supportive family looks like (Isador was raised by her grandmother who absolutely loves the hell out of her grandkid), that he eventually got the courage to confront his parents. This eventually leads to him going no-contact with said parents, although his siblings reach back out to him on their own

It takes a WHILE for Evan to feel comfortable circling back to femininity for himself, and to feel totally comfortable in his body even then. He grows out a beard and dresses in layers to kind of hide how his body looks underneath. He pushed his feminine hobbies and interests to the side Hard when he started socially transitioning, because he convinced himself he Had to, and instead leans hard into new hobbies like handiwork and cars. Once again he’s content to simply push through the feelings as though they’re small, until they’re too big to ignore. Years down the line, after he and Isador are married, he can admit to himself that Christina Aguilera may still be one of his favourite artists. After they have a daughter together, he comes back to the mending skills he learned as a kid in order to fix her dolls — and maybe even make her some, when he feels brave enough

Evan also tends to be good at reading people and social settings, and if he knew Bastien to any degree, I think he’d be thrilled to see how their sense of personal style and the way they carry themselves changes over time. It’s good to see :)

(Wolfgang and Isador would also absolutely queen out. That’s a separate thing skhdjssjg)

(sorry for getting to this a bit late i got this ask as i was heading out!)

helloooo Evan(and Isador!!) so nice to meet them :") <3 !

really really love how much care and love you put into his story and the realistic and long identity journey (some of the family stuff really hits so hard).

i don't post about this stuff much since its not relevant to the story and i like exploring my characters identities in relation to each other but Bastien left his family when he was fairly young to get himself out of that town and that deeply supressive environment and off to med school as far away as possible, and they've been no contact pretty much since. he used to be a twinkish dyke, and then a dykish twink early on in university and that environment was really fundamental in experimenting with gender and sexuality for him. he was also really lonely, and unsure of anything - getting himself DIY testoterone and then waffling whether he actually wanted to go on it, then waffling about some of the changes, then waffling about top surgery (so he spent some years walking around with mustache and tits) just. a lot of anxiety and stress all the time, they preferred to just put their studies ahead of anything else and only engage in sexuality in terms of one night flings on campus. then after one dramatic event and a shoulder injury, continuing studies was no longer an option and his life just. shattered.

this is where Matteo came into his life in a bigger way, and immediately he was someone really attractive because he seemed so confident, his life figured out, future lined out. it was intoxicating to be in the presence of someone so self assured without a care in the world. who in turn also accepted Bastien - at least back then, when he was a depressed twink Matteo could "save"- and motivated him. but ultimately it was like jumping from one form loneliness and isolation into another form of it, now depending on his cis partner, surrounded by Matteos cis rich friends. his body still changing, gaining weight, feeling unattractive to his partner and locked into specific way of gender and sexuality expression, losing sense of his identity and what they even wanted to do with their life. its so alienating.

all this is to say-- i think if Bastien knew somemone like Evan early on, he would have really loved to have a friend like that - someone going through similar experiences i feel like they could have found a lot of strength and support in each other :") i think if they stayed in touch and friendly over the years, they could have been really positive influences on each other and maybe Bastien would not have such deep seated issues opening up to other people and even to himself. lost in the thought imagining the happiness Bastien would feel visiting Evan's family and seeing the pure love and joy there and what it took to get there its just :"))))) maybe he even would have the strength to leave his unhappy relationship seeing what it's like to be *actually* really accepted when seeing how Isador loves Evan :"))

thank you for sharing!!

[tkwrites]

Life is royally kicking my ass rn 🙃 any chance you are able to bless us with more initial or bts thoughts for some of your works?

I can list a couple to save you from having to figure out which ones you've already previously shared but don't feel you have to do all of them. Just mentioning a few to see if any spark something to you 🥰

Second nature, please, elimination, let the cleaners deal with it, before I meet your parents, first fight, love me gently, the second time is better, worth the wait, our heroes meet

Okay I think I just dead ass named all the snapshots you've not previously shared about 😂 I just can't pick favourites 😘

Hope you are doing well and can't wait to read whatever goodness you are currenly working on 🩷🩷

Hi Lovely, thank you for this sweet message!

I'm sorry life is so hard right now, and I'm so glad my little au can be an escape for you.

I'm so flattered that you want any behind the scenes tidbits at my fics, but to not have favorites? I'm blushing. ☺️

I'm doing well. Work is still a little nuts - I missed a meeting with a client today because I was training a new employee and lost track of time. 😬 So that's fun.

I've put the bts notes down below so I don't take over your feed.

[ ] Second Nature

Second Nature started with the vision of Quinn putting Sarah's bra back on. Specifically the idea of him threading the strap back on her shoulder. I knew Sarah had a tattoo on her rib cage and when I designed it in my head, I just had this vision of her needing him to see it, but not quite willing to bare all.

I wanted Quinn to be respectful and sweet about it - freaking out a little before realizing he could fix the issue at hand (i.e. wanting to comfort her, but her bra is undone) and doing so.

[ ] Please

I'm pretty sure the inspiration for this was an ovulation dream about Quinn begging. I was certainly ovulating when I started writing it, which is why it's a little more smutty than usual.

[ ] Elimination

This one started because Quinn looks so sad and distraught sometimes that I just want to hug him and remind him hockey isn't his whole life. I think in real life this would actually be pretty rude and dismissive, so I'm glad Sarah does it better.

[ ] Let the cleaners deal with it

This was totally inspired by the ask that came in about this idea. When I read the ask, I could vividly see Quinn waking up to Sarah trying to get blood out of the sheets with ice and paper towels and him, in his sleepy mind going, what the hell is going on?

[ ] Before I Meet Your Parents

This one was born from trying to write Sarah Meets the Parents (which finally started coming together when I wrote what is now the opening line of that fic). I kept getting so stuck on the idea that Sarah would have a hard time with the idea of meeting Quinns parents, and had to write it out. This idea that she doesn't know what she's feeling is something I experience quite often.

I was really, really nervous about including the sex scene in this one. I think it really flows when I read it back now, but at the time, I worried it might read like I was adding it in just for the sake of having smut, which wasn't true, but I worried.

[ ] First Fight

When I was writing Better, it felt a little incomplete. Not that the story was, but Quinn and Sarah's relationship felt a little incomplete somehow, and the angst of this fulfilled that, giving them a test they could pass.

I also wanted to explore more about how his past relationship messed with Quinn, which spurred from this line in Second Nature:

It had taken months to get that comfortable with his last girlfriend, June. She hadn’t been as into him as he’d been into her (and hadn't been afraid to wield that fact like a sword), so that had been most of the problem.

It morphed into wanting to show the contrast of a fight with June against a fight with Sarah. That they're very, very different because Sarah is very different than anyone he's previously dated.

[ ] Love Me Gently

This was really selfish on my part. I'm physically quite sensitive (well, I'm quite sensitive in all areas of my life, let's get real), and so really, Quinn in this is how I'd want my ideal partner to react.

I really wanted Sarah to express open, unashamed communication about her needs. It's part of that 'fuck that' attitude she's had since losing her mom. Like, I don't have time to suffer through you figuring out what I like when I could just tell you.

[ ] The Second Time is Better

This one actually started because of a blip from season 7 of Love Island UK. In it, one of the contestants and his partner have sex for the first time. After, he tells his friends something like, "not gonna lie, it was two strokes and done." And that just spurred off this whole thought process for me about how the first time with someone new usually isn't some mind blowing experience. You're still getting used to your new partner and it's highly likely it's not going to be phenomenal. I really liked that idea of Quinn being embarrassed and Sarah reassuring him she didn't expect all that much just by virtue of it being their first time. In many ways, this one kind of wrote itself. It flowed out in like 3 days or something.

[ ] Worth The Wait

Worth the wait started with the idea of them watching Star Wars since they bonded over it in Out Heroes Meet, but I needed it to be more than just a movie, so I put them in a cinema pub and let it go from there.

Originally, this fic idea didn't have the whole scene with Sarah watching hockey for the first time, but, I felt like we didn't know her well enough and I needed a transition from Quinn letting her know he was leaving to when she texts him about the movie. Once I started, it just kind of started flowing. Eunice is so wild in this fic, but I kind of love that about her.

[ ] Our Heroes Meet

This was totally based on the idea of fate. I've always loved the ocean and went to the aquarium on my vacation to Vancouver last summer, so it felt like a good starting place. I wanted Sarah to be really smart and educated, and it occurred to me that she could work at the aquarium and study something with the ocean. Then, I just had to get Quinn there with her. And what better way for lovers to meet-cute than because of a rain storm?

[nyaagolor]

How would you rank all the Ace Attorney games you’ve played from favorite to least favorite? You seemed to enjoy all of them, to varying degrees.

So this is actually kind of hard for me to answer depending on whether you base your metric on “how much fun were they to play” “how much do I think to explore the themes / writing / think about the game in general” or “how well written do you think they are”. I’m gonna do all of them and prolly talk a lot so yeehaw. Under the cut bc. surprise surprise! I got long winded

Quick disclaimer: Not including DLC cases or spin off games because if I did we’d be here all day

“How much fun did I have playing through the actual game”

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney

Trials and Tribulations

Apollo Justice Ace Attorney

Justice for All

Dual Destinies

Spirit of Justice

This might be kinda surprising to some people considering what I talk about on this blog, but honestly my opinions on these games changed drastically after I had time to ruminate on them. Here’s some explanations if you’re curious!

AA1 very well could be at the top because it was the first game in the series and I was going in fresh— while Turnabout Samurai was a bit of a slog, I managed to get through all of these cases in a day each and just could not put down Turnabout Goodbyes. I don’t think about it as much anymore because it was so foundational and all the things it introduced have been explored by other games, but this game really is the reason I fell into this series with such ferocity.

AA3 was much of the same, and I don’t think I had as much fun with a tutorial case as I did with Turnabout Beginnings. The characterization present in this games and the nonlinearity of the narrative is genuinely fantastic, and my opinion of it has only increased over time.

AA4 is ranked a little lower because I actually wasn’t vibing with the game when I first played it— it was only after Turnabout Succession that everything fell into place and the game skyrocketed up my favorites list. Once I’m finished with all the spinoffs and have some time to chill I actually plan on revisiting it with fresh eyes because I think a second playthrough has the potential to be soooo much better than the first. Also APOLLOOOOOOO he’s my little guy :)

I thought justice for all was fine, but boring. Big Top made me feel some emotions that were less than positive, but generally speaking all the cases were fine but didn’t leave a big impression on me. Also I don’t like Farewell My Turnabout nearly as much as other people— I still like it but it didn’t totally blow me away or anything. Game is still like an 8/10, but it didn’t leave a huge impression on me.

Dual Destinies was confusing as hell timeline wise and it made it kinda difficult to figure out what was even happening, and for that same reason I struggled to attach myself to the plot. The game had some moments that really were stellar but the sheer length and layout of the cases kinda made me wanna cry

I literally only finished this game so I could get to Investigations. Characters were great but it was so. Damn. long.

“How much do I like thinking about the games, its writing, and its themes”

Dual Destinies

Apollo Justice Ace Attorney

Trials and Tribulations

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney

Spirit of Justice

Justice for All

This part of the list actually has very little to do with how good I think the games are or how much I like them, but sometimes a game’s themes just Captivate you.

If you’re reading this you’ve probably seen this blog, and you know how I feel about Dual Destinies. I am OBSESSED with this game. I love the characters, I love the themes, and I am fascinated by every part of the writing process and how the game ended up the way it did. I think about this game an unhealthy amount actually. Don’t let my complaining make you think I don’t love this game to pieces. Bc I do. So much.

I love expanding on things. The media I blog about? KIrby and Pokemon, stories that practically beg for you to fill in the gaps and work with their vagueness. So when Takumi handed me a game with half a dozen hanging plot threads and massive time gaps just begging to be filled? You can bet I would never shut the fuck up about it. AJAA my absolute beloved

I could probably talk about Miego for hours. This game is incredible I think about it on the regular. Ough.

This game slams but all the ideas introduced by it have been expanded on and talked about and worked with in a hundred different ways so it’s hard to me to really go back other than to say “wow Turnabout Goodbyes was so fucking good”

Literally the only context in which I think about this game is “this should have been a spinoff” but honestly it barely crosses my mind except when I purposefully try to ignore it

JFA is good and makes me feel absolutely nothing

“How well-written do I think the games are”

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney

Trials and Tribulations

Apollo Justice Ace Attorney

Justice for All

Spirit of Justice

Dual Destinies

These are suuuuuper close so this list is a lil shakier than the others but explanations are below as usual!

Ok this is really REALLY tough because I think AA1 and AA3 are tied. They both have their moments and I think the themes are incredible, but for the purposes of this list I’m putting AA1 above AA3 because BttT is a little bit absolutely batshit insane? Turnabout Goodbyes is TIGHT. Sorry Godot you’re still my favorite prosecutor ily kitten

See above

I’ve never seen an AA game whose final cases elevates the entire game quite like AA4. I thought the game was good, but the Turnabout Succession hit and oh my GOD. I think about this game constantly it’s so, SO good. Also helps that Apollo really shakes up the series, he’s my favorite species of insect

These cases were fine, Franziska is a solid prosecutor, the whole “chooses death” thing was fresh, and Farewell was some of the best character writing this series has seen. I don’t honestly have much to even say about it bc it’s super solid

The difference between DD and SOJ is that I think DD had a really good story that it failed to tell effectively while SOJ succeeded in telling its story but that story fucking sucks. Jokes aside I don’t like SOJ but the story is cohesive at least. It had a plot. It was Fine. DD failed miserably but oh my god what you could have been. Ily. Mwah.

See above

Sorry this wasn’t a clear ranking / favorites list, hope you enjoyed regardless!!

[adamsuniverse1144]

I’m a theorist, I have so so so many headcanons it’s ridiculous. This could also be called ‘I explain questionable theories and you get upset because I managed to keep it in universe’.

One of my headcanons I’m exploring right now is kink/*wink wink* with my book Darkest Desires 🩷💙 (Genuinely writing it has been so hard and I’m losing resolve but it’s coming along!)

Now, when you think of our cinnamon roll couple you probably don’t go to the same place I do mentally so lemme break it down:

⭐️ As a person who is throughly traumatized and hangs out around a generation almost exclusively traumatized, I can say without a doubt most of us have multiple kinks (and shady ones at that).

Resulting headcanon: Bruh come on. These two are so traumatized, especially Steven. Sure he grew up pretty innocent, but trust me, innocence is sadly (and thankfully) not forever. Of course Steven still cries at everything and loves to sing and gets excited over nothing and he’s ADORABLE but well… once he is introduced there’s no telling what the hell is going to happen but it’s bound to be interesting.

⭐️ Connie is a sci-fy nerd. It’s in her blood, she loves to read, she’s savvy and smart. They literally acted out The Familiar Unfamiliar. Connie is nothing short of a dork and we love her for that.

Resulting headcanon: Connie totally writes and/or reads fanfiction. In Dark Desires, that’s the segue into kink because on one of Connie’s tabs is a bunch of saved kinky stories.

⭐️ Steven is a giant puppy boy. He’s playful and tries to be cheerful and his puppy dog eyes are a direct attack on you specifically. He’s so so cute 🥺 Someone who possess all that strength and is yet so gentle is just super powerful to me. Like he could destroy a whole lot before anyone got close to taking him down, and yet he chooses kindness almost all of the time.

Resulting headcanon: Steven is a power switch. He’s kind of a selfish lover, and I totally 98% believe Connie accidentally becomes a pillow princess most of the time. He likes to do the work to make her feel nice, it rarely ever crosses his mind to help himself along. Her pleasure is his, so it would make sense to me that regardless of the position, Stevens the gusto. The ones you’d expect to be gentle lovers are the ones with the most bang to their buck often, and Steven is a very passionate and expressive man. That would totally translate into “snuggle time” with Connie. *exhales* Wow keeping that PG-Debatable was hard.

⭐️ Connie is finally in control of her life after picking up that sword and swearing allegiance to the Crystal Gems. She doesn’t need to wield one anymore (not really) but she’s one of the bravest and fiercest knights in Gem Culture (and how can she not be with not dying in her weak human skin suit). Stevens hyperaffectionate, sweet and genuinely starving for her at all times. She’s independent so sometimes it can be too much, but she most often humors him with those cheeks still soft with baby fat and his cute face.

⭐️ Resulting headcanon: Submissive leaning switch. Period. COME ON, the people who fight the hardest in their everyday life could never be a full submissive, just like Steven probably isn’t a full dominant. Puzzle pieces. Of course she likes teasing and bossing him around (with consent) and of course Steven would do anything she asked him to do if he can find a way to do it. But sometimes your giant half alien boyfriend/fiance/husband is stressed and needs to release some stress in a healthy way that ends with cuddles and nap time.

I guess this is where my headcanon maybe diverges from things based on factual personality traits but I think Steven grows up to be a little jaded. It often happens when a lot of people your age just don’t relate to the things you’ve been through. You chameleon (mask) to match people’s energies if you can find the tolerance for it, but you never really truly feel like you fit in unless you’re with other traumatized people. Plus, hanging out with humans is gonna round him out a little, and he’ll pick up on human things especially geared towards men (though I personally think our Stevens closer to Gender-Fluid just leaning on masculine pronouns as preference).

⭐️ Resulting headcanon: Stevens a terminal flirt once he hits his middle to late 20’s. He likes when Connie blushes, he thinks it’s adorable so I’m sure Steven would spend a lot of his time flirting with her (now whether or not it’s working is the question) using his Universe Charm~ 😂 I’m positive Connie would find it hilarious with him shooting finger guns and being a goofball with curly hair and baby cheeks.

Anyways, no one asked for this and I’m screaming into the void but I had to get this out or I would die.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

About canon or not canon

This is time around I am talking about fandom issues, not Miguel's theory, so is okay if you want to scroll past this.

I had mentioned this off-hand before in other post, but I feel is always good to do some reminders, specially since I had gotten past a certain number of followers, and the last time I mentioned this I feel it was awhile ago.

I do not care what about canon or canon ships when is about fandom works.

I feel I need to make this clear because I had seen a few "How people could like X ship?! It doesn't make any sense!"

My answer? It doesn't matter, this is about having fun.

I don't know how many people actually know this but I RARELY ship canon ships, this has been happening more as of recently but for the most part I had shipped niche ships or even crack ones.

I consider that the best fic I had ever done, is for a ship that is so minuscule there is only 4 fics in ao3, and 2 of those are mine. And believe me, it makes perfect sense, those characters work together in my head and few others.

But fandom has zero to do with canon; fun story guy did you know the first type of fandom as we know it, was shipper of Spock x Captain Kirk of Star Trek? They would have zines with fics, they will hold reunions to talk about the characters, draw comics about it; the creators and the actors even KNEW about this!

But that ship was never canon, and even if people saw potential in it; it doesn't matter. Fandom is to have fun, not to try to limit how people create.

By the way, if you think this take is weird for the type of content I make, let me say it this way: I think people writing about X ship or writing a character in Y way is okay; I can understand sometimes it can feel frustrating and I am not saying you have to like it.

Everyone had been frustrated for that one story they read where the character they love is completely out of character and you want to rage quit; and I get it, I had gone to my friends to rant sometimes about things like that.

Because let's remember, did this person write this story for me, or did this person write the story this way because it thought the idea of X character doing something in specific sounds like fun for them?

I think we all know the answer.

So no, I can get being frustrated, and that's fine and natural, but one thing is how you behave with a few friends in private while talking about petty things; vs trying to scream in a public place where people, including that person, can see.

You are entitled to your own opinion, in your own space, specially when it wasn't asked. Is not hard.

"Then why you do stupidly long essays about what is happening in the movie?"

Because there is a different of what I write in my fic vs what is happening in the canon story!

Because canon and fanon aren't the same thing! And is much better that way.

Canon cannot be as weird or corny or dumb at times, because it cannot be everything people want; so is nice to have people going crazy with wild ideas. And fanon shouldn't limit itself because is about being creative and seeing how far the human imagination can go.

I think is important remember what happened in canon because I had seen literal people have interpretations of a character (which is fine and dandy,) and then try to say is canon and people who disagree are haters (NOPE.)

I like discussing what the hell is going down the movie because I love the canon material and exploring those topics is fun for me, and because I want to have a way to say "I believe this is what went down and here is my reasons for it." Maybe is the ADHD or maybe is the trauma but I like to be able to justify my response.

But I also recognize when something is totally not canon and I am just exploring ideas. I also like to talk about how things could had been handle better in canon; (because a teen who is just starting doing fanfics should be as cringe as they want, but when the source material is fucking up a story then this is an entirely different story.) That's fun for me too.

Sorry this got so long, it was suppose to be a short message, but like I say, I like to be able to justify my response.

[onedappercat]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @adverbian so I’ll give it a go! I’m going to subtract the data from the fic I’m listed as co-creator on though, because I only provided art for it. ❤️

How many works to you have on ao3?

11

What’s your total ao3 word count?

356,295 - I’m a long fic person. 🫠

What fandoms do you write for?

Good Omens

Top five fics by kudos:

Queen of Hell - Crowley becomes the Queen of Hell to avert the second coming. Explores his past relationship as Lucifer’s lover.

The Last Dance - A 1941 speculative piece of Aziraphale’s apology dance.

Why Does the Ortolan Sing? - Human AU where Crowley is a busker at the coffee shop that Azira falls in love with. Crowley is already in a toxic relationship with a mobster.

One Vision - My first fic and my take on the Second Coming. Ends in South Down with a cat.

The Devil’s Love - Pre-fall Crowley doesn’t realize Lucifer’s plans for him, and Aziraphale has a crush.

Do you respond to comment?

I try to. Sometimes it takes me a couple days to work up the spoons for it, but I love receiving comments! I try and say more than just a thank you, but at the very least I try and do that.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’ve written so much angst, I can’t really say what someone else would consider the angstiest ending.

I have two pre-fall fics: The Devil’s Love and The Queen’s Fall, so obviously that is going to end in angst. I’ve had the most people comment that The Last Dance broke their hearts. Technically Do It Again is a hopeful ending, but… Well, archive warnings exist for a reason. 🙃

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably my first fic, One Vision. It was how I dealt with the end of s2, so it was pretty positive. I’ve since embraced the angst, although I still tend to end things positively.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet…

Do you write smut?

I’ve written smut scenes in very plot-heavy fics. Still rather new to it, but my latest has really pushed me further into it. I can only write it when I’m dead tired, for some reason…

Craziest crossover:

I’ve been quite taken with Red Sonja Crowley… I posted Battle Raiments and Camping Gear, but didn’t list Red Sonja as a fandom because it’s just clothes. 😅 They are crack art posts, but I guess they are crossovers.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Doubt it.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would be cool!

Have you ever co-written a fic?

I’m listed as co-creator on Tale of the Sea Bucca, but I only did art. I joined the Drabble for the GOAD Writer’s Guild celebration, so that was a kind of mini co-writing thing.

All-time favorite ship?

Aziraphale/Crowley for life. They’re the only reason I’m writing fics. I enjoy writing Crowley/Lucifer simply because it’s rife with angst.

What a WIP you want to finish, but probably won’t?

I usually only write one thing at a time, with the exception of Queen of Hell, which I wrote outlined all three parts at the same time.

What are your writing strengths?

I’ve been told recently that I’m great at presenting the mental effect a toxic relationship has on someone without it devolving into torture porn. That means a lot, because I’ve tried handling it with fineness. I’ve also been asked if I was Neil Gaiman because I made someone hate God and feel for Satan. 😆

What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel like my smut could be better. Honestly, don’t get me started on my weaknesses or I won’t stop.

Thoughts on dialog in another language.

Cool! I’m not confident enough to do it myself, but big props to those who have.

First fandom you wrote for:

As a kid, I think I wrote X Files fan fics during study hall, but never posted anywhere. Mostly about John Doggett dying and Mulder coming back. 🙃

Favorite fics you’ve written:

Even though I don’t normally read human AU, I’m really enjoying writing Why Does the Ortolan Sing? because of the depth to the story itself. I adore my Crowley in the Queen of Hell series and the dynamic between Lucifer and Aziraphale. I want to write them again, but I don’t have a story yet.

I haven’t re-read it for a while, but I was really proud of The Last Dance. It’s also the only fic I’ve written that I’ve seen recommended to others, which is an honor.

I have no one to tag, because everyone I know has probably already been tagged. 😅

[variousqueerthings]

Personally, I think that's a hell of a bird.

Heaven Sent! (we'll do Hell Bent separately!) it's an episode! that is going to be difficult to talk about! because yes it is good, but I am. I have mixed feelings about it, because I think parts of it rest on everything leading to this point and as we know, looking back at M*ffat's era, everything Did Not lead us to this point. however, if we pretend that it did and do some creative reading of narrative, that is how we'll try to engage with this story

luckily I have a system! otherwise this would become totally incomprehensible (although, this could still happen... watch out)

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 1/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 7/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 5/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 5/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 9/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 8/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 6/10

FULL RATING: 67/100 (if I can count….)

according to this rating's system this episode is worse than Face The Raven, which is patently untrue on a quality level, but we're looking at some very Specific criteria, so what canya do

OBJECTIFICATION: Clara is a figment of the Doctor's hallucination and he's not weird about her. I mean, also why would he be, because this Doctor has not been categorised as a lech (I have a theory that it was very much Capaldi's influence that lead to lechery going down basically 100% by this point -- I mean, he did say he didn't want to have any will-they-won't-they with JLC because she's just way younger than he is, and that is incredibly fair, if kind of funny, because of course, regardless of the age of the actor, the Doctor-as-character is usually always much much older than all the Companions. BUT THAT ASIDE LECHERY IS OUT! SCHOOLTEACHER COMPANION IS IN!)

PLOT-POINT: that being said... I know Clara is "dead," and that this episode isn't about her in the slightest, but I get this feeling... you know that one Twitter thread that comes around on this site sometimes about someone who was at a funeral and the dead woman's husband gave eulogy and spoke entirely about himself/what his wife gave to him, and not a single thing about who she was as a person. that's... that sums up Clara to me, and this episode really hammers it home

the Doctor is out for revenge for Clara, but this episode gives us a Doctor who's so sad she's dead, and yet not a single thing in this episode explores that particular sadness. Instead, that sadness is a catalyst for an exploration of the Doctor, with Clara's ghost doing exactly the same as Clara did throughout her run as his Companion -- asking him questions that only he had the answers to. Clara is dead, and yet this barely feels different to her presence, in *spins the wheel* under the lake/before the flood or idk, the caretaker or listen

and the thing is, that Clara wasn't originally categorised like this, and there are still episodes where she has emotional reactions to things (cold war my beloved), it's something that I think actually got worse throughout her run, rather than better, which is a shame, because for the most part everything generally was getting better throughout Twelve's era

COMPLEXITY: this is both quite simple and quite complicated, but it's complicatedness comes from things around the episode, rather than the format of the episode itself, so. divide it into two

in the episode itself, the Doctor wakes up in a transporter, explores a weird cog-like castle, eventually discovers that there's a massive wall of stuff that'd take, ooh 4 billion or so years to punch through that could be the escape, and proceeds to punch, while a mysterious creature stalks him, kills him, and he manages to send himself back through the transporter to start again

this is super cool and brings up a bunch of questions about various things -- the nature of life and linear time (after all, the Doctor doesn't remember being killed over and over and over again, but also kind of lives for 4 billion years), the Doctor's relationship to dumb, stubborn perseverance in the face of complete hopelessness, but also to avoiding their own pain by continuing on and on and on, there's the oddness of the castle itself and the creature within it which is surprisingly toned down for a M*ffat-written thing, allowing Capaldi to take the centre without distractions, and then there's also the Doctor's monologue, because this is almost entirely Peter Capaldi, and so a neat little insight into ways the Doctor interacts with situations

there's even stuff that I usually dislike with M*ffat that I enjoy here -- the idea of monologuing genius who does some seemingly random shit that turns out to be Very Clever And Necessary is such a M*ffat hallmark, but in this one it works because the Doctor is working through problems with themself. yes, one could say there's a meta-look-at-me-I'm-so-clever element to it, since there is an audience (us) but because there's no internal audience, we get to see how this technique functions not to show off, but to do a multitude of things, like stave off fear in a tense situation, make a distraction, resist loneliness, simply help the Doctor understand a situation by verbalising it, etc

so yes, woo to this plot, woo especially to Peter Capaldi and to Murray Gold for supporting the narrative so well, the music really is part of what Makes this episode

2. the second, wider plot concerns itself with "why is the Doctor here," "what is this place," who set in motion the events that killed Clara," "who the fuck cares about the Hybrid plot" (pedantic, I apologise), "what is the Hybrid," things along those lines. they are. technically important questions. and some of them are well-answered -- what is this place? it's the Confession Dial, and the Doctor got stuck in there by being teleported from the end of the last episode (genuinely had forgotten until I reread the transcript of Face The Raven, woops, but we remembered again!) and the people who hired Me, as it turns out, are Gallifreyans, because at the end of the episode, the Doctor returns to Gallifrey

and that... is next episode fuckery, but I will say that I did scratch my head about it at the end of this one. how'd they hire Me from wherever the Time Lords are stuck? did we miss an episode that explained that actually the Doctor did find the Time Lords?

for that matter, there's this short before the season starts where the Doctor is chatting with The Sisterhood Of Karn, and we last saw them back in s7 in the Eighth Doctor short -- they're the ones that made the War Doctor. And they turn up in the first episode of this season as well, and again, I'm like. wait did I miss something here?

I think that this season has a lot of that for me, there's a lot of questions I have that I will make a separate post on. things that may very well have been properly built up and explained and I just missed, but genuinely at the moment I'm going... huh?

and for this purpose, end of this episode, it's... wait how'd you just get back to Gallifrey??? I thought you were still looking for it, how'd the Confession Dial get there?

while the s5-7 arc certainly had a lot of things that went "eh trust me, this'll aaaaall lead somewhere" and then... I mean, kinda did but badly and last-minute, s8 didn't really lead into the events of s9, so the whole Hybrid and Confession Dial was this season's... mystery I guess? except idk why it suddenly matters, why did Davros bring it up?

maybe I need to rewatch that episode. but also seriously where did Gallifrey come from???

I also question the plan to put the Doctor in there -- so he's in there in order to interrogate him on the Hybrid but... is that.... really the best way to do that??? I don't think that makes a whole lotta sense unless I missed something there as well. I mean, this creature kills the Doctor, it doesn't really set out to torture for information, even though the Doctor interprets it as such. the intent is lacking in logic I think

point is, if we ignore the wider plot happening around Heaven Sent, it's thematically strong. ignore why the Doctor is there and the episodes around it for a second, have a good time (well, the Doctor isn't having a good time!)

also wtf was with that creature in there. I mean, it was cool and all and it made the plot go, but... why was it there again? maybe I'll add that to my questions post

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: we learn bits and bobs about the Doctor in this one, like for example that they didn't run from Gallifrey because they were bored but because they were "scared" (which I'm sure surprised nobody, but the point is hearing the Doctor admit it outright -- therapy under pain of death, literally), and generally that they're afraid of dying

technically this episode is the least lore and plot heavy of the three at the end, when you think about it. it's very much there to make you read into the Doctor, because there's no one else there

I think. if there was one thing. I would have really really wanted from it, in terms of this point. it's an understanding of why the Doctor was travelling with Clara, beyond "she's my friend." I feel like on sooome level I can suss out why Clara travels with the Doctor (she is emotionally all over the damn place and seeking those thrills without thinking about consequences), but I never did understand the Doctor travelling with Clara in s9. it feels like they're together in that season because... well, they were together before. and there's this "duty of care" line that comes up a few times this season, which is kind of a new one from the Doctor at Clara, considering their last two seasons together, and I kind of wish there'd been a bit on that

I get it, this is an episode All About The Doctor, but it's set nearly immediately after Clara dies. even as the Doctor is essentially resurrected over and over again for billions of years, to them Clara died a few minutes ago every single time. there's something slightly jarring to me about making this relatively quiet, contemplative, philosophical episode all about the Doctor, with Clara functioning as a crutch to the Doctor's emotions and explorations... but she's dead. it goes back to what I was saying about the eulogy. this episode tells me nothing about Clara and the Doctor, other than that he's sad she's dead and she asked questions (but even then, these questions aren't actually being asked by Clara, he's just imagining it's her)

COMPANIONS MATTER: see I put this one at a five, because I acknowledge that the Companion doesn't always have to be there and that is true, AND although she's not there she does help out about as much as she usually does

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: I've scored this one quite highly, despite it literally being "all about the Doctor," but it's only "all about the Doctor" because it's the Doctor's Confession Dial -- the next episode may score somewhat lower on this point, because then we really do get a fair bit of Doctor is centre of all important events and we all just orbit around them, but in this case it is fair

and if we actually look at what the episode is saying about the Doctor, it really does follow a fallible, questioning person who needs time to figure out what's happening, and then is like "the answer is to really painfully punch for 4 billion years" which... yeah that tracks

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: this episode isn't very classic lore heavy. idk if it should be, considering it's about the Doctor, but it might have taken up too much space in a relatively stripped back character study. it does interact with the "ran away because I was bored" line which goes as far back as Two, so there is that less in-your-face reference, that also adds to the Doctor as we've gotten to know them in especially nu!who

“SEXINESS”: C U R E D of bad sexy talk (at least, until Husbands of River Song, but even that is shockingly parred back)

INTERNAL WORLD: we're in a Confession Dial, specifically the Doctors. maybe the Confession Dial should've gone up in lore, but I'm going for it as a world for now. the Doctor's confession dial is a turning castle with an endless ocean beyond it. I don't know if all Confession Dials are the same, or if it's just this one

I do actually have questions about how it's meant to work, because in the next episode (yes, cheating) the Doctor says it's meant to be this meditative, important process, and it was abused in order to "interrogate" them about the Hybrid, so is big clockwork creature always there? or is that a the Doctor must suffer special or???

idk what the consensus on the inside of the Confession Dial is. do we like this design? does it make sense for the Doctor? is it the Doctor's own mind that supplies the imagery? lot of questions I have there, add those to the question-pile

I like the Confession Dial as Vibes, but I don't know what the imagery of this place has to do with the Doctor as character, is basically my summary of this point

POLITICS: there's not really politics in this episode, which means.... let's look for the politics that's not in here. No, in many ways it doesn't need to be politically focused. it leaves us with the writing of female characters, which wasn't greaaaat but not technically the point eitherrrrr but also it Culminates in this one, so I do have to mention it on this particular point.

As a general, if there were political undertones in this episode, what do we think they could have been on? the ethics of Gallifreyan society prompting the Doctor to run away? the philosophical nature of the Doctor's tendency to run? ideas around trying despite it being all-but-hopeless as something one could relate to real-world causes? I'm spitballing, I'm not saying this episode needed that. I'm just musing

FULL RATING: 68/100 (if I can count….)

the more I think about this episode, the more questions arise -- most of them in connection with what happens next, but I do think it's flawed to not think about what happens next if one is trying to do a deeper dive into the story, as I'm doing. one can enjoy it as its own thing for its strong themes, Capaldi's acting, the music, the Vibes, but I do think it still suffers from aaaalmost every M*ffat limitation (minus the outright sexism) in that it sets up questions that will never be answered and goes more for Vibe than... idk what to call it, this is Doctor Who, but... realism? wider internal world consistency?

this is a good episode, and I think I'd enjoy it a heck of a lot more if it was a standalone, a la God Complex (which did some similar things to this episode, and personally is still my favourite of the M*ffat era), but all the questions keep bursting in

still, that's a hell of a bird (do we ever apply this story to Doctor Who gifsets/fanfics and the like? I'm sure we do, I just haven't engaged with Twelve-era much because this is only my second watch of it)

actually another question: why is it called heaven sent?

[msmargaretmurry]

Could I ask if you have any thoughts on neurodivergence in hockeys. There was that post going around about how a lot of sports superstars (not just hockey) have autism. And I know lots of people talk about adhd in players as well as more. When you write fics, do you think about that stuff? Specifically, I was curious if you have any thoughts on Connor vs Sid as these two absolute stars who seem to both have neuroses and specific things about them but they’re clearly not the same thing. When reading tnno, I definitely felt a lot of feelings about Connor’s social awkwardness and aging and everything about his characterization. Hope you recover well and aren’t too bored!!

ok so first of all sorry for not answering this during my post-operation haze! i kept thinking this was such an interesting topic that deserved a thoughtful answer and then simply falling asleep or watching more love island instead, because that was about what my brain was up for, lol. but okay hello i'm much more lucid now. and also just spent two hours at happy hour with my coworkers but i had a long metro ride home to think my thoughts about this so here we go.

first of all part 2 i want to say up front that i don't believe in armchair diagnosing people. i don't think that's what you're suggesting here at all but i also feel like it needs to be said before i dive in.

my thoughts on this topic basically fall into two categories. category one is that i can totally see where people are coming from with the "superstar athlete is neurodivergent" ideas, when we are getting stories about these athletes being so fixated, obsessive, single-minded, superstitious, etc. it really can read so easily as hyperfixation and/or special interest. and because of the great sport myth (coakley, 2015) a young boy being so fixated on sport (especially a sport that is such a cultural institution, e.g. ice hockey in canada), is much more likely to be encouraged, supported, and enabled, as opposed to a child fixated on something considered abnormal or useless or simply, you know, nerdy. and because of the GSM, asocial and antisocial behaviors would be readily forgiven if they are viewed as serving the quest for sports success. in this context it's super likely that neurodivergence would never even be considered, much less diagnosed, even when to those of us familiar with the hallmarks of neurodivergence it seems to be ticking boxes all over the place. and like, hell, neurotypical kids are regularly pushed into behaviors that would in most environments be considered divergent or delinquent in pursuit of sports greatness or even just fitting into their sport community. sports are a mindfuck.

on the topic of connor vs sid specifically i don't have many thoughts, simply because i only think about sidney crosby in the context of the sid/ovi rivalry, and that is a topic for another happy hour. it does however bring me to category two.

category two is that sports are a mindfuck and if people want to use their sports fanfictions to explore neurodivergence, especially their own neurodivergent conditions, i think that's awesome and i totally support them. i don't in my own fics sat down and think "okay so my characters are neurodivergent" but i am always thinking on some level about the ways in which the great sport myth has infiltrated their brains and colored their values and worldviews and also infused their lives with a rigid structure that might feel like a prison or might become a coping mechanism. with connor specifically — in tnno and just in general when i write him — my characterization is very, very influenced by the knowledge of what a shy, quiet, intensely focused kid he was and the massive about of pressure he put on himself + how absurdly early the canadian hockey media started heaping pressure on him, how i've heard plenty of gossip about him being unsocial and unpersonable away from the cameras, and how he has always seemed to handle things better with a sidekick. it's very easy to chalk the unsocial behavior up to "superstar diva athlete" and maybe that's the case for real — i don't know the guy, i can't say. but it's much, much more interesting to me to consider more nuanced takes on the situation, and if i'm turning connor mcdavid into a character for my own devices, sorry to him but he's always going to be a vessel for exploring the great sport myth.

[urmom609402]

Part 2 of The Cold

Happy Halloween!! I saw the interaction with the first part of this story and was really relieved to see that people enjoyed it. I hope this new addition will suffice, again, much love <33

PS. this is NSFW- w/w and w/m (I've never written smut so forgive me, but again, any notes or suggestions I will happily read them)

What felt like hours had passed, I was starving and even if I didn’t want to admit it…cold. Beyond all other feelings I somehow felt calm. It wasn’t Otis making me feel this way, but the fact that I was out of the storm. As the sky boomed outside I heard a clash of yelling and laughter roaring from below. Before I could try and make out what they were saying, there were stomps right outside the door. 

“Knock Knock poopy-head!” Baby cackled before busting the door down. “What’d my brother do to you? You dont look too good.” She smiled wide. “You need a new dress, I got just the thing.” she ran out the door before popping her head back in. “I’ll untie you when I get back.” She blushed faintly and sauntered across the hall.

Baby was a peculiar woman, precious in a way but clearly a little out of her mind. I enjoyed her company, although that could just be because she was the only person my age in the house. More than anything else I wish to get out of this rotting maze of a house, but if I step foot out of this room I know I'm going back to my boyfriend in a bodybag. The thing is, we lived near here too. Always driving past that fork in the road, steering clear of it everytime…like clockwork. But I guess it wasn't a total lie to say I needed a ride home, but i chose to walk home because I knew it was close enough before the convertible got to me. 

"I got just the thing.." Baby lifted up two dresses, one, a vintage flower dress from the early 60s. And the second, lingerie and a robe that looked exactly like Mama's. "I wasn't sure which one you preferred but I thought it could be fun to do a makeover." She smiled and sat in my lap. "You got real pretty eyes, you know? I think the blue flowers would match you well…." She reached around me to untie my wrists from the chair. "I'm gonna untie you, but please don't scream, or run. We'll just have a little makeover while my brothers…" she pauses. "Go find more friends." 

I didn't know how to respond as she was clearly covering herself up, but as she untied me I caught her staring at my exposed cleavage a couple times. I didn't feel uncomfortable per say, but I started to feel an unexplainable tension between us. She stood up in front of me, taking the dress off its hanger and putting it in front of me as I very slowly got up on my feet, taking a quick spin to get a better look at Otis' room. The drawings on the wall were unlike any I've ever seen, it was grotesque but beautiful. He had a talent for arts of some kind, clearly, but of what I couldn't tell beyond the walls. Baby quickly grabbed the sides of my hips.

"Hey silly? Gotta take your clothes off if you wanna look nice for Otis!" She smiled wide, spinning me around to face her.

"For Otis?" I asked, face still shocked from her hands.

"Yeah! I saw how he looked at you… you two know each other. I assume you two must've fucked or something-" she laughed softly at my discomfort. "Oh… my bad, but you'll still look very pretty once I'm done…" She blushed gently, holding my arms up in the air to take off my T-shirt. It was drenched in sweat, tears, rain and dirt. I had gone through hell and back and now she just took off all the pressure I've felt for the past few hours. As she undressed me I felt her hands explore a little more than expected. Pulling the dress over my breasts gently sliding up and down seeing if I noticed her touch or not- I had- or how her hands always hovered over mine as I slid the bottom of the dress down my thighs when I sat down again. She looked at me as if I was some goddess, a beauty she's never seen before.

"Thank you…I feel much better now." I said, voice a little hoarse.

"You look much better too… got a nice set of tits on you, huh?" She bit her lip taking me all in. 

"Thanks, not too bad yourself." I saw her mouth curve into a small grin before pouncing me onto the bed.

"You flirting with me?" She plays with my hair, tugging on it gently, as I try to weigh out my options. She tugs on one long strand hard "Heyy!!" She sounded annoyed like a little kid about to throw a tantrum. "Are you flirting with me or not?" 

Putting my hand over hers I tried to calm her down as her gaze became slightly animalistic over me. "Yes." Her face lit up, she readjusted herself so her knees were against my thighs, leaning over me. 

"Otis hasn't touched you has he?" She whispered before kissing my neck.

"No… should I be concerned about that?" I said petting her hair. I was too paralyzed and surprisingly turned on to move away.

"Maybe… he usually doesn't keep someone alive for this long so he must really admire you. Don't be surprised if he does more than touch you though…" she giggles softly and peppers kisses over my head and neck.

I felt a shiver go down my spine as she touched me.. caressing each curve with passion, slowly rocking herself back and forth over my thighs unknowingly. I felt so desperate for escape I just did what I needed to. Explore her. She didn't mind, but I had ever been with a woman, that became clear as soon as I tried to dip my hand between her thighs. 

She giggled, shoving my hand against her inner thigh. "You wanna feel how happy you make me?" She keeps my hand still as I try to glide up and down, a weak attempt at teasing. "Say it!" She said angrily. 

I sat up, hand still between her legs and nodded. "I want to feel every inch of you Baby." I took my other hand and hooked it onto her other leg, spreading them out more, so I can flip her under me. Before I could do that she stuck her hand under the dress knocking me back down onto the bed, kneading my breasts. As my breath grows shaky, I feel my pussy throb, desperate for some kind of touch. As I reached my free hand under the new panties she had given me, before she grabbed it and pinned my arms to my side.

"Let me help." Never breaking eye contact she snaked her way down onto the ground, grasping my ankles and draping my legs over her shoulders. As she dipped her head between my legs, she left long, soft kisses on my inner thighs. When I clamped my legs together she playfully bit my left leg. "I'll be gentle… just keep them apart for me.." she whispered sweetly, all previous emotions out of the window, no more anger, or animalistic urges, she wanted to help me out.

***

Bang bang bang

"Open the fucking door! This is my room Baby you better get your fucking ass out of it before I send a bullet through your god damn skull and drag you out myself!" Otis frustratedly screamed from the other end of the door. 

Baby wiped her lips, and looked behind us at the door. "Make me!" She pushed my legs back into the bed as if nothing happened, leaving me to lay down star-struck in the middle of the bed.

Soon there was a crash, door flying open to see Otis, now shirtless and a little bloodied. As he held himself back from smacking the shit out of Baby, he locked eyes with me, splayed out on his bed, legs trembling as my chest heaved post-orgasm. His stare wasn't how it was before, it wasn't the look of death.. it was a look of the admiration Baby mentioned before. He looked back at me, and then back at Baby, who was now flushed in the face as red as I was, giggling and licking my cum off her fingers trying to continue seducing me from across the room.

"Oh Jesus Baby you didnt!" Otis groaned, ripping her fingers out of her mouth.

"You're just jealous I got to her first!" She said hitting him and wiping the remainder of liquids from her hands on her dress. Otis pushed her out of the room leaving us alone together.

"Baby really touch you?" He gruffed walking over to me.

"She did more than touch.." I smiled.

He sat down on the other end of the bed. "Up." 

"Why?"

"Don't ask questions, just do it." He barked, flicking his finger up at the ceiling.

I felt very wobbly, unable to balance. I stood against the bed and looked back at him. He gave another inquisitive look at my face, and panned down my body.

"What are you doing?" I mumbled.

"Seeing what I'm working with sweetheart." I felt myself cringe at the pet name but tried not to let it show in my face as he edged closer to me, tracing his fingers against my waist. "Baby treated you real good didn't she?" He tisked. "If you just waited for me to come back like I said.. you would've been just as warm." He slapped my ass, holding me up causing me to jump. "You move an inch and I'll rip your spine out, y'hear me?"

I nodded. He let go of my ass and worked his way off the bed and onto his feet, looking down at me, gripping my chin firmly to get me to look at him.

"Here's what's gonna happen. You wanted to feel warm, so I'll make you feel like you're burning." He lifted my dress up. "Baby's?"

"Yeah… gave me a makeover."

"Good…” He took the dress and flung it across the room, taking in every inch of my body. “She gave you bruises, you know.”

“I don’t mind…”

“You don’t mind a little pain with your pleasure momma?” He smirks and leans down. “Baby treated you real good… but I can treat you better.” 

Suddenly, Otis took a quick bite on my neck, causing me to hold onto his shoulder. As he bit he gently kissed the wound, working his way around it with his tongue, noticing how I would jump a little under his touch. He understood I was afraid, and tried his best to control himself. The kisses he gave reached from my neck to my breasts, taking his sweet time. This lasted for nearly twenty minutes, simple kisses, nothing more, he wanted to tease me. 

Seduce me.

But who am I kidding? His goal was to tease.

And it was a success, I felt comfort and lust unlike any previous encounters I've had with a man...which freaked me out. How come a man who looked like he was going to kill me only hours before be able to turn me on so much? A question I’ll never be able to answer, I kept it in the back of my mind letting my body give into this wave of pleasure- forgetting I was stranded in a house of horrors. 

[pcharming7]

Gojo is one of the best uses of an OP character I’ve ever seen, in part because of the way the story explores the inherent weaknesses of someone who’s so OP.

Gojo’s power is essentially “I’m totally invincible and can kill you with a flick of my wrist, literally,” JJK makes the wise decision of having his weaknesses be external, coming from his environment and the people around him. And not only are they perfectly logical drawbacks for someone like him to have, they also make him and the story as a whole much more compelling as a result.

Let’s break it down:

-For all his power, he can only be in one place at a time. He can teleport, sure, but when he’s not around the rest of the cast need to fend for themselves, with mixed results. Think about when Yuji’s group had to fight the curse at the prison and how much of a non-issue it would’ve been if Gojo wasn’t called away on some other business at the time. Or when the crew gets attacked by the Forest Curse and they have to pull out all the stops to just to survive until Gojo shows up and trivializes the whole fight with one Hollow Purple.

He can end any fight instantly, but only when he’s there. Interestingly he’s aware of this, which is why he’s actively training his students to develop their own powers and not rely on him.

-His obscene power makes him a prime target for his enemies. The main villains of JJK are well aware of how much of a beast Gojo is and how they can’t hope to actually achieve their goals when he’s around, so a major part of their plan revolves around sealing him away so he can’t interfere anymore. Hell, pretty much any move they make includes something that keeps Gojo away or indisposed, like when the curses invade Jujutsu High and put up a barrier that only blocks him out. His superiority means he has a target on his back that’s never coming off.

-His untouchability has given him a massive ego and he can’t take anything seriously. And why would he, nothing can hurt him. Problem is, even the people that like him find him at least a little annoying. He’s also just really open about everything, including his intention to replace the old guard of the Sorcerer community with his more progressive students. And guess what? Said old guard fucking hates him and want him gone as much as the main villains. They also understand that Gojo could just go full on Homelander and kill them all if he really wanted to, so they probably also fear for their lives on top of the general hatred.

Also I get an excuse to post this banger:

Let’s face it, a guy who quotes Buddha after experiencing the ecstasy of infinite power is not going to be easy to work with.

-It’s explicitly stated that Gojo is so powerful that all curses were made stronger to compensate for the natural imbalance he presents to the world, which means he’s indirectly (or in a sense directly?) responsible for the challenges many characters face when fighting curses. Think about it: his very existence has made everyone else’s lives more difficult, so it could be argued that his power makes him an invaluable asset, but it also might have been better if he wasn’t around at all. Oof.

So yeah, Gojo’s great, read/watch Jujutsu Kaisen. I believe it’s what the kids would call, “goated af.”

[ambrossart]

I have kind of a weird question about DWM… it’s an alternate universe/ending kind of thing. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to answer it, because it’s such a derail from your already perfected storyline and the characters’s arcs.

What if Reader hadn’t gone back in Part 10? Would Eddie have sought her out the following Monday and still tried to get her back? Or would nothing have changed except for some added tension between the two?

They’re both so helplessly in love in the epilogue, where would all of those feelings have gone if she didn’t go back in, you know?

Anyway, just something that occurred to me today while I was reading Part II for the millionth time wondering how they’ve kept it together for six years?!

Happy weekend 💗!

Oh yes, let's go down that rabbit hole. 😈

I was actually going through a lot of different scenarios in my head while I was writing the finale, including one where Eddie doesn't make a grand gesture at the end and instead goes home. The Reader then realizes her mistake, leaves the dance after Chrissy's coronation, goes to Eddie's house, and finally does what Chrissy wanted her to do all along: be honest with him about everything. That was almost the actual ending because it would have echoed the Reader going to Eddie's house in middle school after his father forces him to quit playing D&D, but that's an upcoming short story and I'm not spoiling any of that.

Anyway, let's play worst-case scenario! This is gonna be really long, so get comfortable, everyone. The train is now leaving the station.

I wanna preface this by saying there's NO WAY IN HELL Eddie was ever going to let her slip away without telling her how he feels and what she means to him.

This was one of his biggest regrets about that summer in middle school. She was feeling scared and insecure about the future of their friendship, and Eddie didn't reassure her when he could have. Instead, he kept his feelings to himself. He let her push him away and left her there to cry downstairs in the basement alone. That mistake haunted him for years and was a major driving force behind his decision to go into the restroom in the first place. Eddie knew she was in there crying by herself and he refused to leave her like he did back then. No matter how repressed his feelings for her were at the time, his instincts wouldn't let him abandon her then and they wouldn't let him abandon her now, so one way or another, Eddie was gonna get her to listen to him. He would go to her house. He would track her down at school on Monday. First class they have together, he's locking her in that classroom and pinning her to the desk if he has to. He's gonna do whatever he has to do to get her to stop running long enough to listen to him. 

But since this is the worst-case scenario, let's assume that doesn't happen. Instead, let's assume Eddie gives up and goes home. The Reader doesn't have her big epiphany and she just leaves the dance after Chrissy's coronation. In this scenario, the reader allows her anxiety to completely consume her; Eddie, now heartbroken, is faced with a potentially life-altering decision; and they both ultimately spend the rest of their lives secretly pining for each other while being haunted by the big What if? 

Just for fun, let's explore what that could look like in greater detail. Feel free to hop off my train of thought at any time because I'm not stopping until I run out of track.

READER

Instead of overcoming her anxiety, she surrenders to it completely and goes home to cry while listening to Journey and flipping through her old D&D journal. On Sunday, Chrissy comes over and tries to put her back together as best as she can. The Reader does what she always does: deny and deflect. She says she’s over it. Chrissy doesn’t believe her, but she can’t force her to do something she doesn’t wanna do. They spend the afternoon as they normally do and everything seems relatively fine. 

Then Sunday night comes, and she has a full-blown panic attack. The thought of going to school and having to face Eddie is enough to cripple her with fear. She can’t do it. She won’t do it. She doesn’t do it. She fakes sick and skips school on Monday, Tuesday, and even Wednesday if she can get away with it. It doesn’t matter if she has a quiz or a paper due. She’ll deal with the consequences later. Right now, she just doesn’t want to deal with the anxiety of seeing Eddie after what she did. When she absolutely has to go back, she will beg her teachers to let her change seats in the classes she shares with Eddie. If they say no, she will spend the entire period hiding inside herself. No talking. No eye contact. She’ll be the last to arrive and the first to leave. The last few weeks of school are absolute torture and graduation can’t come soon enough.

When she finally gets to college, there is a brief period of euphoria. She’s out of Hawkins. She doesn’t have to see Eddie anymore. No more stress. No more anxiety. She can finally relax and breathe again. During this time, she becomes weirdly social. She’s like a social butterfly on steroids. She meets a lot of new people. Joins a lot of random clubs. Goes to a ton of parties, drinks pretty heavily, probably even has a couple drunken one-night stands. It’s a little reckless, but who cares? She’s enjoying her newfound freedom. 

Then, inevitably, the high wears off and she levels out. She quits all the clubs she joined because she’s not really that interested in any of them. Her social circle shrinks to a few close friends. She still talks to Chrissy whenever she can. They don’t see each other as often as they would like, but they make sure to stay in contact. She does well in whatever field she chooses, graduates, gets a job. All in all, life is pretty good… but it could be better.

Her romantic life is complicated and she seriously struggles with intimacy: physical and emotional. The men she dates find her very aloof and intimidating, and most don’t seek out a second date. A small few keep at it, thinking they can crack through her shell if they try hard enough, but ultimately it’s just a big waste of their time. For her, intimacy is a constant battle and nobody is worth fighting for… because they aren’t Eddie, and if she couldn’t overcome her anxiety for him, how could she possibly do it for some other guy? 

Eventually, she might find love again. It would have to be a very patient and persistent person who’s willing to wait for her to open up (Chrissy x Reader shippers, here's your chance to go crazy). This could take months, even years, but it’s definitely possible. Regardless of whether or not she finds someone, she’ll always be deeply in love with Eddie and she’ll always regret walking away from him that night. If he ever does anything with his music, she’ll be his number one fan just like she was in high school. She’ll buy all his albums and be at every concert, but she’ll always keep her distance, and he’ll probably never know she’s there. 🥺😭

EDDIE

Before jumping into Eddie’s side of things, I should note that I’ve already fully absorbed this post into his backstory. It’s in my notes. It’s burned into my brain. It’s now canon as far as DWM is concerned. 

Eddie is the product of a one-night stand. His parents weren’t soulmates. They barely even knew each other. His dad was a hopeless romantic who foolishly thought he’d found love at first sight with Eddie’s mom, but it was completely one-sided and he was never able to accept that. After she left, he spent the rest of his life searching for her and hoping she would come back. He put his career on the back burner. He put his relationship with his son on the back burner. He threw his entire life away on a woman who wanted nothing to do with him and it absolutely destroyed his life. 

Eddie, having grown up around this, decides at a fairly young age that he’s never gonna make the same mistake his dad did. He’s not gonna waste his life chasing after someone who doesn’t want him. That’s why he retreats and represses his feelings after the Reader rejects him in middle school. He sees himself heading down the same path his dad did, so he pumps the brakes and tries to reverse course. Unfortunately, that’s a lot easier said than done, especially when so much of who Eddie is now is because of her.

So with this in mind, let’s fast forward to the Monday after prom. Eddie, still reeling from the Reader’s rejection, walks into class and sees her desk empty. For three days, it’s empty. To him, that would send a pretty strong message. Clearly, this is all one-sided. She can’t possibly feel the same way about him as he does about her because, if she did, she would have at least tried to meet him halfway. She would have made some kind of an effort.

This realization would leave Eddie absolutely gutted. He went against his better judgment and made one last attempt to get back the girl who broke his heart, and for a second, he thought it actually worked. They pulled down their walls, they admitted their feelings, he kissed her, she kissed him back, and somehow it still wasn’t enough. Why wasn’t it enough? 

So from here, Eddie’s life can go one of two ways: he either goes the way of his dad and completely self-destructs or he accepts the loss and moves on as best as he can. 

Worst-of-the-worst-case scenario, Eddie lets this rejection completely take hold of his life. As a result, he loses sight of all his other goals. He can’t focus in school, so he doesn’t pass any of his finals and he doesn’t graduate high school. He could get his GED, but he doesn’t do that either because what’s the point? He doesn’t try to pursue his music because he figures he won’t make it anyway. Eventually, he probably gets busted dealing drugs and gets sent to prison. Once he’s in that cycle, he’s never getting out of it. He’s gonna be in and out of prison for the rest of his life just like his dad. Yikes! 😬

Okay, let’s assume that doesn’t happen. Let’s assume the best of the worst. Eddie takes the loss on the chin, allows himself some time to grieve, and then picks himself up and shifts his focus back to what’s really important. He passes his classes, gets his diploma, and then pours all of his energy into his music. Eventually, all his efforts earn him a moderate amount of success. He’s not a rockstar by any means, but he carves out a pretty decent living for himself. He might be in a band or he might be a touring guitarist or a session guitarist. Regardless of his exact profession, he’s doing what he loves and he’s getting paid to do it. Win-win.

If Eddie does fall in love again, it won’t be until much, much later in life, if it happens at all. Romance isn’t a priority for him. He dates casually, occasionally, but feels largely misunderstood by women. Much like in high school, nobody seems willing or able to see past his outward appearance. But that’s fine, Eddie decides. In fact, he prefers it that way because he’s not sure if he’ll ever feel safe enough to show his truest self to anyone else ever again, and he doesn’t really wanna try because nobody else is worth the effort. What he had with the Reader was lightning in a bottle, and he’s never gonna be able to recapture that ever again. He still loves her. He'll always love her. And now he has to live without her. Simple as that. 

So to answer your question in way too many words—no, their feelings for each other won’t ever go away. Their connection is one of those rare once-in-a-lifetime connections and nothing else will ever compare. Tragic as that may be, it still leaves some room for hope. If they were ever fortunate enough to cross paths again, whether on the street or at one of Eddie's concerts, they could rekindle their relationship, and if they did, they’d be surprised by how quickly and easily they fall back into step with each other. 

/end rant

Okay, I basically just wrote a whole ass fanfic, and now I'm just sitting here talking to myself like a loony toon.

tldr; if Eddie never went after her, if she never had her big epiphany, the two would suffer through the rest of high school and then go their separate ways. The reader finds some peace in college. Eddie either self-destructs and winds up in prison or he moves on with his life and throws himself completely into his music. Neither of them is very successful in love because they're both unable and unwilling to be vulnerable with anyone else, because they're still in love with each other.