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obsessive-ego · 4 years ago

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Night night

Beetlejuice jerks it while watching you sleep again cuz someone asked me to

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Nsft content

Its been a good few days since you've last seen your undead pal, the ghoul claimed he had a business meeting in the netherworld, though you still dont believe the demon had a legit paying job, the man was a freeloader, not that you minded, you enjoyed his presence, more so then youd like to admit to be honest, okay so maybe you thought of him on those long sleepless nights, not that youd ever say it out loud.

You were a coward with those feelings, beetlejuice was impossible to read, the heavy flirting, the touching, who's to say he wasnt just messing with you.

You sigh as you continue to fold your laundry, normally on quiet days like this, when you were alone, youd try to catch up on chores since there were no distractions nor interruptions.

Your mind begins to wander with this simple mindless task, so you didmt exactly notice as you room gets colder and the air gets heavier.

"Honey, I'm home~" a familiar voice growls in your ear

You Yelp at the surprise, and fumble with the shirt you were folding, before spinning around to see the culprit.

There stood beetlejuice, smug as ever, a big toothy grin, amber eyes practically glowing, spots of pink emerging from his hair, both head and face.

"BEETLEJUICE"

"Oh how I missed that sound~ that sweet sound on my favourite breather screaming" he moans leaning back circling his own nipples.

You suppress a laugh, not wanting to give the demon encouragement for making a fool out of you.

"Welcome home" you sigh, before turning back to gather up the folded laundry and place it in the basket.

Unbeknownst to you the ghoul has let the soft pink spots take full control of his once green hair, a dopey love sick smile now graced his mug, the demon let's out a soft sigh, welcome home, something so soft and simple, it ment nothing when he said it, but from you? You were basically inviting the ghoul to live with you forever, that you considered your home his aswell.

Turning back to the ghoul you smile

"Well?"

Beetlejuice snaps back to reality, raising an eyebrow at you tilting his head as if to focus more on you.

"How was the whole business trip?"

"Oh, that? dull, not even worth discussing" he smoothed back his hair, as if he was whiping the pink away in favour of his default Forest green.

You frown, beetlejuice wasnt exactly open with talking about the netherworld, maybe because he found it boring, being born dead he's probably already had his fill of the place, you shrug it off, not wanting to spoil the mood of your departed friend being back.

"Soooo~ ya miss me?~" the ghoul coos pulling you into a rather enthusiastic dip before leaning in close, puckering his lips and making kissing sounds. You snort out a laugh and try to push beej away.

"Of course I did, as nice as the quiet is, i miss you when you're not around"

You literally had no idea what you were doing to him with all this corny honesty and kindness, all without blackmail or threatening, you openly enjoyed him, bugs and all. No one has ever wanted him for nothing, beetlejuice was powerful so be wanted always had a catch, but not with you.

"Oh~ do you think of me when you're all alone late at night?" He purrs in a mocking tone, as much as beetlejuice was infatuated with you he still enjoyed teasing the hell out of you.

You snort out a laugh trying to escape his grasp

"Come on doll, say you think about me at night~" the demon purrs pulling you close, taking a slight nip of your ear causing you to yelp out.

And as if your yelp was what he was after the ghoul let's you go.

Frazzled, embarrassed, and slightly confused you stumble trying to regain yourself.

"I take it back, I didnt miss you" you mumble

Beetlejuice only laughs "no backies babes"

It wasnt a new thing, beetlejuice teasing you, flirting with you, being up close and personal, you just didnt exactly know if he was joking or being legit, but you didnt mind, you enjoyed his attention, as embarrassing as it was, and let's be honest beetlejuice was thrilled you enjoyed it, so he could get up close and personal with his favourite breather, now if only he could get you to admit you loved him first.

...

It was nice to have your freeloader back, a few days of peace and quiet are nice, but things do get lonely, so having your ghost back was wonderful, the two of you spend you evening the usual way.

You ordered pizza, beetlejuice scares the piss out of the delivery guy and makes you laugh, the two of you spend hours watching b list horror and joking all the while.

The night was a delight, but fun things couldnt last forever, unlike the demon, you needed to sleep.

"I'm gonna head to bed beej" you yawn.

During your little movie night the ghoul manged to worm his way into your personal space, pulling you into his side, draping an arm around your shoulders.

You squirm your way out of the demon's grasp, beetlejuice grunts in protest, not exactly thrilled with you absence, it's been days since he had you so close, your warmth, your scent, oh how he missed it, hell he already starting to get get hard from that close contact alone.

"Aw come on sweets, you have the day off tomorrow, and I just got back from a long boring trip alone, humor me" he shrugs knowing full well you wont.

You yawn "sorry Bee, I can barely keep my eyes open, we can hang out more tomorrow, night Bj" you waved him goodnight before shuffling to you bedroom.

The ghoul huffs in disappointment, one day you'll agree to stay up all night with him, well, more of you'll TRY to stay up all night with him and fall asleep up against him, gold for teasing.

The ghoul didnt want to continue with watching movies, it wasnt the same without you laughing at his jokes, nor did he want to play video games, again, they weren't fun without you, he COULD bug your neighbors, but he wasnt exactly in the mood.

Raising from his seat on the couch he huffs, it was nice to be back after those soul sucking few days in the netherworld, the ghoul floats over to your bedroom door, phasing his head through the door, unlike breathers the demon could easily see in the dark, there you were out cold, he smirks, you really were tired.

With the coast in clear the ghoul phasing the rest of his form through the door.

Beetlejuice makes his way over to your sleeping form, oh how he missed this, yes the two of you were apart only for a few days, and yes you two have been apart for longer periods of time. But spending time with the Deetz and the maitlands was a different kinda time apart, he wasnt alone, but being in the netherworld? It was lonely, cold, and felt like an eternity, plus he had to deal with his mother. But that unpleasantness was over, and here he was, in his favourite breather's home, where he belonged.

The ghoul hums as he makes his way to your bed, the ghoul floats and adjusts himself, now laying on his side hovering inches above your bed and inches from you.

One of Beetlejuice's favourite late night pass times was watching you sleep, he was a creep with a massive crush on you, both in the sappy way and 'I'm gonna fuck you senseless way'.

"Really missed ya sweets~" he purred in a gravely whisper

"I missed your voice, I missed you laugh, I missed you warmth, i missed you scent-" the ghoul continued with his list as he slowly freed his half hard cock, it's been a few days since he last cleaned his pipes, and being up close and personal with his favourite breather moments earlier really got his motor running.

As lovely as it was for the demon to watch you sleep, another favourite pastime of his was to tend to his personal urges while watching you sleep, an activity he has partook in multiple times.

Electric pink quickly took over the mossy green of his hair, the demon was already buzzing with excitement, pink hue so bright it illuminated the room, Beetlejuice's strokes started off nice and slow, as much as beetlejuice wanted to rush into the fun, he wanted to enjoy his first night back home even more.

Leaning forward the ghoul takes a deep long sniff if your scent "Mmmm" he stifles a moan "I bet you taste as good as ya smell babes" he groand through his clenched teeth.

As hot as the idea of being caught was, having you wake up and see him jerking off only inches away from where you lay, having you be incredibly flattered and turned on at such a gesture and then begging him to fuck you, as hot as that fantasy is, that's what it was, a fantasy, in reality youd probably be sick to your stomach at such a scene and banish him then and there, but hey, a ghoul can dream.

"I bet those pretty hands would feel alot better then mine" he groans, slightly picking up pace.

"Maybe next movie night you could treat me to a little handy J sweets, unless youd prefer to use that cute mouth of yours, you know I'm not picky" he sighs, the image of you getting bored during movie night and getting handsy with the demon was one of his favourite fantasies, simple, yet naughty. Beetlejuice's hips buck into his hand begging him to pick up the pace as his mind wanders to all his dirty fantasies of you, his amber eyes never breaking away from your face.

If the ghoul was good at anything, other then being an absolute pest, it was edging himself. Beetlejuice slows down his strokes, almost as if to stop.

"Ya know doll, anything you'd do to me I'll repay ya, I'm dying again to get my tongue inside that sweet little pussy of yours~ if your panties are any indication you're gonna taste real good~ I'll eat ya out for hours-" beetlejuice freezes as you shift in your sleep, you let out a soft unintelligible noise.

The ghoul let's out a sigh he didnt know he was holding, his hands make their way back to his cock, that sweet little noise, oh how his missed those sounds you uttered in your sleep.

"Oh sugar, the sounds you'll make when old mr beebleboose gets ya riding his cock are going to be beautiful" he moans, the image having you sitting pretty straddling him, cocked buried deep within you, having you do all the movements at first while he admires the way your chest will bounce, and the faces you'll make, until the demon takes charge and pounds mercilessly into you, oh how he dreamed to hear your screams of pleasure and praise on how good the ghoul made you feel.

Beetlejuice's hands were busy at work, tending to his cock as the ghoul's imagination ran wild as he stared at your sleeping face, he was close.

"Oh y/n, FUCK, babes I want- no, i need ya, I need ya so bad sweets, I missed ya so much babes, fuck" beetlejuice babbled as his pace picked up jerking his cock, hips bucking hard to meet his hand.

Beetlejuice leans back into you face, taking another deep inhale of your intoxicating scent, and lingering a tad longer to steal a quick kiss,as much as the ghoul wanted to shove his tongue down your throat this was the best he got.

"Baby, I'm gonna- fuck y/n-" he uttered before he finally blowing his load, splattering his glowing cum all over your bed, it was quite the amount, beetlejuice sighs leaning back and admiring his handy work

"Its been while since I made that much" he lets out a soft chuckle, electric pink hue slowly dying down.

He sighs, as hot as it is to have you sleep in cum covered sheets, you wouldnt be too pleased waking up to see this sticky mess.

With a snap of the demon's fingers the mess vanishes, as disappointing it was to he his work vanish it was for the greater good.

Beetlejuice's gaze moves from your bed spread back to you, his expression changes to a soft toothy smile, soft pink colours taking over his hue, with a snap of his finger his trade mark striped suit was vanished leaving him wearing nothing aside from a pair of striped boxers. Beetlejuice slowly and carefully removes the covers from your body and gently slides in next to you, covering himself up with the freshly 'cleaned' blanket he sighs through his nose, greeted by your delightful warmth, one of his favourite things about breathers, how warm they were.

There was only ONE last little thing to make this welcome back 'party' perfect.

With a snap of his fingers you're sleeping form shifts and slowly crawls into the ghoul's arms before collapsing back into your motionless slumber, beetlejuice smirks at this as his arms wrap themselves around you, possessing someone in their sleep was a little annoying, but little things like that were a peice of cake.

With this pipes cleaned and you in his arms the ghoul was ready for bed,

"Welcome home, home" he muses on the words you beamed at him when he returned to you. "Guess that really rings true huh? Night y/n" he kisses your forehead before finally closing his eyes.

Bonus

You jolt awake moments after beetlejuice has snuck into your bed, anxiety taking over due to the weight about your body that you did not go to bed with, you sigh in relief once you see it was your resident freeloader demon, a tad embarrassed how you ended up cuddling the ghoul you shrug it off, to be honest the nights you were without him were sleepless, it was lonely without him.

You pause for a second before leaning up and giving the ghoul a quick peck on his scruffy cheek before nuzzling back into his soft chest, his hands resting softly on your back.

"Good night Lawrence" you mumble before dozing back off for a long peaceful sleep.

#beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader #nsft

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elysicndrcvm · 4 years ago

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━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD FEBRUARY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because CHU EUNHA is just as BEDAZZLING as the month of FEBRUARY. wait, why do they remind me of JACOB BAE? beyond that, they seemed JOYOUS and SAVVY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of DELICATE and QUIXOTIC though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 0215 / FLOOR 3 ; HE seem(s) to have a lot going on with HIS job as a PATISSERIE OWNER/NUTRITIONAL SCIENCE STUDENT. ( ez, 21, she/they, gmt. )

well hey there !! im ez but you fellow dallyeogers can call me ezzy, i have been in dallyeog before so some may remember me as having someone v different to my new bb i bring u now, i joined before with miss tam carmen !! anygays i return with this lil angel who i am all ‘ i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ’ over already even tho i literally came up with him like two days ago. you can find his pinboard here ( which btw i fuckeN love like he’s so aesthetic to me u go king ) and i made him a lil playlist which u can vibe to here. you can learn more about him under the cut but he’s a super soft-hearted gentle dove of a muse and quite...simple for me ?? sdhdh that’s not the right wording but U GET IT djjflg he isn’t super full of angst or trauma he’s just kinda viBIN livin his best life so that’s fun !! but ye without further ado:

so as u kno from his app he owns a patisserie, it’s his lil babey and he is very dedicated to his craft and makin sure all his ideas for the place and the baked goods he sells are like rlly quirky and avant-garde. like he is so passionate about it u dont even KNOW, he tries to make sure most of the stuff on his menu is something like fun and new u wouldn’t get at just any old patisserie or cafe and that it’s super varied and also kinda aesthetic af? the place is very like trendy. it’s called patisserie d’elysian cause ya know he’s an extra biTCHH and proud.

he has three pupperino’s. all as adorable as each other, snickerdoodle is his golden lab and often ppl shorten it down to snickers, butterscotch is his dapple daschund pup, shortens the name to scotchie often. toulouse is his fancy toy poodle boi, shortens the name down as toto. if u are on the shortened name basis with his pups then u can consider urself one of his close pals.

he’s actually adopted by his aunt but she raised him like she was his mother so that is what he considers her, she’s on his mother’s side but they are half-siblings. in terms of first name reasoning as well she just liked eunha as a name and didn’t even think about how it is traditionally for a female, she liked that it meant gift from heaven so it stuck. his father is still around, he’s just quite elderly so it felt like a better living situation for him to be raised primarily by his auntie. unfortunately his mother has passed on but no tragic story, she just went peacefully in old age.

he dyes his hair quite often, it’s currently like a really pastel blue with black streaks consistently throughout like lil ones so it looks super cool. but he’s also had it be a more electric blue, lilac, and a duck egg kinda faded silvery blue. it’s naturally dark brunette. has brown eyes kind of a hazel hue.

his style is kinda androgynous ig?? he just lives for soft retro fashion, lots of color in his wardrobe but also lots of tapered short and t-shirt fits frequented, sweater vests, rolled up jeans, high skater boi socks, soft jumpers with shirts, shirts in bright colours or satiny texture worn over plain white t-shirts, cardigans, pastel denim jackets, jeans with printed patterns on like clouds, flowers etc, favors yellow and blues. sometimes does eye makeup, occasionally wears heels bc he’s a baddie or super heeled boots/chunky shoes.

obsessed with music, can play violin and guitar. he’s a big mitski and rina sawayama fanatic, likes anything that sounds peaceful or calming or has like a good fun vibe to it. also likes the trademark gay icons like carly rae jepsen, lorde, etc. he’s not ashamed. obsessed with mamma mia movies. but also likes rap which is rlly funny cause its like the bad bitch female rappers only and like he’ll listen to it while arranging his sock drawer or making his bed or something ajdjdj it’s like hype anthems for being a baddie and a hoe and he’s just doing his night sleepy routine adkfkf.

showers, blankets, music, baked goods especially bagels are his happy places.

very much a sensitive lil romanticist, falls in ‘love’ like five times a day, he just likes to giggle and smile around pretty people and admire the artwork hnghdh, he’s like yeARNS though ya know?? like he’s all i will flirt by making prolonged eye contact, i made you a playlist, this song makes me think of you etc. it’s either memes as flirting with him or elaborate love letters u never know what ur gonna get akdkd.

awful sense of humour, loves his friends more than anything on earth except his pups, would fully live in a huge house of just like his pups and all his closest buds for all eternity. likes fruits way too much, enjoys puns about fruits way too much. milkshakes, sushi, orange hues and bus rides are some of his absolute favorite simple pleasures of life. clouds, flowers, salt lamps, the sunrise over the sea, skateboarding, fresh soda, teddy bears, busy street markets, parasols, fish tanks with exotic fish, sorbet, bike riding, polaroids, record players, rain at night against floor to ceiling windows with a fresh steaming pot of tea on the desk beside it and warm fresh sheets from the laundry on his bed, ponds, skateboarding. all little joys in life that give him like the biggest pleasure dopamine hit in the world.

his cousin actually owns a florists so he has flowers just littering his apartment like a lot and it just looks like he has ten million suitors from the late eighteenth century attempting to court him but no all these flowers are from him to him or worse from his aunt djfjg she sends him some for valentines every valentines, pls help him, pls send him flowers.

studies nutritional science and he fucken hates it. do not ask him shit cause he doesn’t KNOW OKAY? he doesn’t understand it either. he took it because he needed something to go alongside the passion for baking that was a real ‘qualification’/job so that is the only reason he’s doing it. no point doing a baking degree after all when he’s already a baker with a business, he’s super young still he gotta keep his prospects open. so YAH. he’d rather be doing culinary arts but eh. nutritional science sounded better and more logic based. the real miracle is he still gets top grades all the time even tho he spends his life like wtf am i even doing is this even legit akdkdk. school is the worst thing in the world for him watch his mood instantly deflate the second its brought up.

despite being a quixotic, he’s a lil afraid of intimacy. like oh god does he love it, those small touches and acts of affection u kno? the subtle things that normally go unnoticed, eye contact, brushing of hands, linking of little fingers, rubbing a thumb, kissing eyelids or foreheads or palms or shoulders in little gentle pecks, back massages and rubs or finger tracing patterns absent-minded, shoulder massages, laying your head on someone’s shoulder or on their lap, knocking knees together, exchanging a small glance only the two of you get before bursting into laughter, smiling into kisses, napping together, having blankets placed over you warm and fresh, or towels put ready like it, someone making you something they know you like a lot. that’s his sHIT. but like he’s terrified still, someone skimming their fingers on his skin makes his breath hitch like he’s a scandalized and alarmingly aroused victorian woman sjdjd. he’s literally still a virgin, he hasn’t even had his first kiss okay my baby is delicate be gentle with him akdkd but he still LIKES PASSION AIGHT kfkf.

real soft spoken, honey tinted voice like i shit u not this boy talks like he’s an angel sent from heavens above to guide you to the paradisaical garden of eden or some shit akdkd. ur gonna fall in love with eunha’s voice before u even fall in love with any other part of him like his adorable beaming smile or stunning eyes akdkf.

has dance parties around his room when getting ready in the morning, listens to bella’s lullaby unironically yes from twilight yes u heard right, bit of a himbo streak sometimes in his obliviousness djfjf. quite silently subtly funny actually much like jacob himself.

he is gay, afraid of driving, cannot do math, blanks out often and he is valid for all of those things. has a collection of cartoon and disney animal movie dvds. has a dream notebook. always has blue painted nails in some kinda shade.

does not enjoy turning in assignments bc he is scared he’ll fail, avoids looking at his grades for weeks after they’re released and hates knowing that they’re out.

cannot dance, dances often. collects vintage stuff esp clothes and mostly sweaters. likes midnight trips to corner stores and fields where he can just lay and look at the stars. makes friends rlly easily but has super bad performance anxiety. cannot ever have a messy room like even the tiniest bit messy. even like clothes being stacked on a chair instead of away.

bakes peanut butter, banana and choc chip muffins (they r called monkey bites normally) whenever he’s super stressed. if u want to cheer him up when he’s anxious or stressed then u should give him french lavender honey, chia seeds and caramelized pear on toast/bagel. it is his comfort food. he fancii when he needs a pick me up. treat urself and all that.

#dallyeog:intro #i'm literally in love with him he's the softest most goodest boi muse i have ever made and i just #im that meme of the samari sword guy with the cat in his arms akfkfk #IVE ONLY HAD EUNHA FOR TWO DAYS BUT IF ANYONE HURTS HIM I WILL KILL THEM AND THEN MYSELF AKKDK

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autisticangus · 4 years ago

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anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt.

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him.

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident.

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

#angus.txt #getting deep in here but it felt good to write #i love u all so much ok pls be good urselves

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vanchlo · 5 years ago

Text

The Assistant /Chapter Twenty-Six, “Old Faces”

Catch up on reading or start from the beginning HERE! :-)

Thanks for reading! c:

SNEAKY PEEK TIMEEEEEEEEE!!!

Something inside of my chest falls and for the first time in weeks, my thoughts are flooded with her. And I’m worrying about her, missing her, and wanting to hear her voice. I’m feeling all of the things and thoughts I’ve done such a great job at suppressing for the last few weeks.

Because before, only the alcohol could, but I couldn’t do that anymore. I knew she’d be disappointed. And once that thought wormed its way into my brain, I couldn’t entertain it for more than a minute. And so I dumped out the bottles and threw them in the bin.

Now, I feel myself fill with regret at that because once again I want to drown the feelings.

Because I’m hurting thinking about all of the hurt and pain she’s feeling.

“Awww, my little baby on her first day of school!”

“Oh, would you stop?” I groan in annoyance. But I can’t get rid of the smile pinching my cheeks.

“You’re looking like a lawyer already, Boops!” Skye comments as I stop in front of her at the island. She sets down her Winnie the Pooh mug and just smiles at me. It’s a rare occurrence. “And don’t you start saying that I can’t call you that. I’d say it’s rather fitting for a day like this.”

“Fine. Only today you can call me that old nickname that’s been dead for decades,” I reply before looking down at my outfit. “I’m not too overdressed, am I?”

“No, I think you look very nice. And you should dress to impress, they say.”

“Mmmmhmm,” I respond, flattening the patterned long-sleeve blouse I wear. Black jeggings cover my lower half.

“Are you excited?” Skye’s question hits me as I reach for a glass from the cupboard. I watch the golden orange juice splash into it.

“Yeah, I really am. I know I’ve already been down this road, but I feel so much more confident and excited this time around.”

“Well that says something,” she replies and I nod at her answer. The slice of bread sinks into the toaster as I set down the jar of jam with my other hand.

I grab a plate and scoop the rest of the scrambled eggs onto it that Skye left for me. “I’m dying a girl’s hair rainbow today, so there’s my big bang,” she comments enthusiastically with her sky-blue eyes twinkling. I smile at the excitement in her voice.

It finally looks like we’ve found our callings, I think to myself. A second later, I almost cringe at myself, but at the same time, I’m grateful for the happy thought.

“So most of your classes are online?”

“Yeah, but I have this one that I have to go on campus for. It’s one of the important ones,” I reply before a bite of scrambled eggs passes my lips.

Ding!

Dragging my phone across the counter, I look at my lit-up screen. A new text appears on my screen to join the others.

Asher:

Good luck on your 1st day back!!! Hoping everything goes well and you get nice teachers!!! Take deep breaths!!! Dont forget to tell me how it went :)

Sophie (Boss):

Wishing you a great first day back, Becky! We’re all so proud of you and we can’t wait to see the great things you do! Good luck!

Robbie:

Proud of u for going back Ree. Keep ur chin up. I cant wait 2 hear all about it. Excited 2 hang out with u and dad this weekend back home. Love u sis.

Daddy:

Happy 1st day of school 2 my big 25 year old! I hope ur 1st day back is gr8 Boops. Good luck! Take ur time & ask ?s. Call when u get home. I want 2 hear how it went. Love u! xoxo

A smile creases my cheeks as I read the words. I hear his familiar voice inside of my head, and warmth radiates through my chest. It makes me ache for one of his hugs and forehead kisses. I swipe right on my Dad’s text and click on the space to enter my own text.

Thanks so much, Dad! I’m really excited, but nervous. I feel like people might know I’m the dropout… But luckily I only have only one face-to-face class, and the rest are online. I hope that you are feeling better. Let me know if you need anything. I can’t wait to see you this weekend! Love you, Daddy! Xoxoxoxo

The lecture hall is smaller than I remember, and less run down. Hmmm, maybe my experience is actually going to help me to not be so afraid and intimidated, I think to myself. After walking up several stairs, I choose an empty table in the middle of the hall. Students mill around talking and checking online course content and Snapchat. Their chatter fills my ears as I set down my violet backpack and sit down. I place my laptop in front of me, along with a fresh notebook, my planner, and my little bag of pens and pencils. As I boot up my new laptop, the seats around me fill up. It’s not long before the professor takes a seat at the table at the front. His graying hair is tied into a short pony at the back of his head. The class quiets down at his arrival, but there aren’t many of us in the cohort. Around 50 or so.

Looking up behind his horn-rimmed glasses, a smile sparks behind his thick gray beard. “Oh, don’t mind me. We still have a couple of minutes until class starts, and I’m sure this bloody computer will take that and longer to start up,” he quips, and my classmates and I reply with laughter. “If everybody’s here, we can at least start with introductions. Shall we?”

“I’m Professor Alcott and I’ll be your guide for Criminal Law this semester. It’s great to see a group of smiling faces eager to dive into the nastier side of law. I practiced full-time for around 25 years until I arrived at this university. I thought I’d like to guide young minds into the law world, and so here I am. I still practice occasionally when I’m not teaching. It fulfills my craving to be back in the courtroom when I’m not in the classroom. Now, who would like to go next?”

Maybe this won’t be so bad.

“It sounds like your first day couldn’t have gone better, Boops.”

“Yeah, I actually think you’re right, Dad,” I reply, sinking lower into the welcoming sheets of my bed.

“You don’t have to say it like I’m not usually right,” my dad jokes back with a weak laugh. My smile falls at that, wondering if I’ve ever heard a hearty chuckle absent from his voice.

“I-I’m not, don’t worry . . Are you feeling any better, or are you still having those um pains you were talking about?” I ask tentatively, worry and care sewn into my words.

“I’m okay. They come and go,” he replies softly with few words.

“Are you going to go to the doctor like I’ve been begging you?”

“Yes, Becky. I have an appointment for tomorrow morning. Just like I promised

you,” he replies with emphasis in his words. I try to find the fear in his words. But either he’s doing a great job of masking it, or it’s simply not there.

“But you cancelled the last one, Dad.”

“I didn’t mean to cancel it, Becky,” he sighs. “I made it and found it got in the way of work. I forgot to reschedule it. I’m sorry.”

“I know, Dad. I just want you to get looked at. I don’t want something to be wrong,” I say quietly, feeling the fear creep up my throat. But I try my hardest to push it back down, because I can’t let it in. I can’t worry about my Dad anymore than I already am. I have school now and my job. I just can’t.

“I know, sweetie, and neither do I. Everything’s going to be fine, my love. You needn’t worry,” my dad tells me in his soothing deep voice. The same voice that lulled me to sleep with bedtime stories, explained maths homework to me whilst I cried in frustration, and told me it was okay when I dropped out of law school. He’s always been there to tell me it’s going to be okay, and now I know I need to be the one telling him it’s going to be okay.

I just hope that I’m telling him the truth.

Madley looks just the same. But it doesn’t.

New shops have opened up. Old ones have closed down. New developments have sprung up. Patches of woods have been cut down. The city park has a new playset instead of the one I grew up on. My former primary school has a new addition. Roads were redone. New ones were made.

I made the drive easily, knowing it like the back of my hand by now.

But at the same time, it’s hard. Because I have this off feeling sitting heavy in the pit of my stomach. And I can’t name it, or make it go away. It’s been there all morning, and I can’t figure out how to get it to go away.

It grows as my footsteps sound on the sidewalk leading to the front door of the house I grew up in. Shoots of grass inch through new cracks in the cement. The daffodils wilt against the steps leading to the front door.

The feeling in my gut flares, making me stop. I take a second to look harder. The cream paint that’s defined my childhood home is peeling in places. The grass hasn’t been cut in a while. I can’t remember the last time I saw it long, and not neatly cut. Patches of prematurely fallen leaves scatter the usually clean walkway. The glass window panes on the top half of the door are smudged and dirty. I don’t get another second to look harder, because the front door opens and a smile waits for me.

Perhaps my favorite one.

“Hi, baby girl,” my dad coos, letting go of the door. It creaks before closing as I watch my dad pad down the steps and wrap me in a hug.

I exhale into my dad’s chest clad in one of his typical Nike jumpers. Letting go of my suitcase, my arms find their way around him by instinct.

“How was your trip?” he asks in his deep voice. His scruffy cheek falls onto the top of my head, and he holds me against his chest.

“Good, thanks. The usual,” I reply. I squeeze him and try not to notice how my arms go around him easier than the last time. I just try to find comfort in his familiar smell of the same laundry detergent he’s used for 30 years.

“Good. Robbie just got here. I’m finishing up lunch right now, it’s almost ready,” he informs me.

“Oh no, don’t leave Robbie around food cooking on an open flame,” I joke, feeling one of his large hands comb through the hair at the top of my head.

He laughs and mine echoes his. But I’m afraid that they’re both forced. Dad releases me from the cocoon-like hug, but not before planting a kiss on my forehead. The same kind of kiss he’s given me since the day I was born. Always the forehead.

“We better hustle then,” he quips, stepping to the side to pick up my violet suitcase. I smile at him and he mirrors it as he holds the door open for me.

“I think something’s burning!” I hear Robbie exclaim in a confused tone.

“How do you even survive on your own?” I answer, toeing off my shoes in the entryway. I push them to the side with my foot to sit on the red rug. Beside Dad’s white Nikes green from mowing the lawn. Robbie’s black vans.

“On microwavable ramen, hot pockets, cereal, and chicken nuggets. Duh,” Robbie replies, garnishing an eye roll from me. But he can’t see it.

The same brown plaid couch stares back at me a few feet away in the living room. My dad sets my suitcase down by the wooden stairs a few steps in front of me.

“You just stir it, you goon!” my dad tells Robbie, padding through the living room in his classic Levi jeans. “Did I teach you nothing when it came to cooking, or did you tune out that day?”

A Chelsea vs. Arsenal game plays softly on the telly. But its only viewer is the In-Fisherman magazine sloppily laid on the couch.

“No, I’m pretty sure I was stoned that day,” Robbie replies softly with a wry chuckle. My dad sighs and clucks his tongue at my brother.

“Any day now, Ree!” Robbie shouts to me. But I hardly hear him, because my thoughts are wound up in the uncharacteristic pill bottles I see on the side table. And the brochures that I can’t make out from this distance. I recognize a few as take-away. One has lots of words that I can’t read, but it makes my heart shrink regardless.

“Hey, everything alright?”

I look up and watch Robbie walk into the room. His pale skin the same shade as mine peeks out from the trendy holes in his blue jeans. He pushes his black button-down aside to pocket his hands. A familiar Marvel shirt peeks out from underneath.

Swallowing, my lips part, “Did Dad tell you what the doctor said?” I ask nervously, keeping my volume low so only he hears.

“No,” Robbie responds quietly. And I hear it in his voice. Because it’s the same thing I just heard in mine.

“Rob,” I mumble, looking him in the eyes. I feel something pass between us, and somehow I know that he’s thinking the same thing as me.

I look up at the ceiling, trying to will the tears away, but it never works. Because I’ve tried it so many times in the last few days as I worried why my dad didn’t tell me what his doctor said on Tuesday.

“Lunch will be ready in a few minutes. Why don’t you lot go and wash up?” my dad announces, and I nod automatically. But I know I can’t go upstairs and wash my hands in the sink that I have for the last 20 years. And that my dad does every day.

Before I know it, the fall sunshine is welcoming me back. I don’t hear the door close with a metallic smack. All I hear are soft footsteps and the sound of sobs leaving my lips. I blink and feel Robbie’s arms go around me.

“I’m scared, too,” he confesses, tears choking his words that echo my silent ones.

“I’m so afraid that he is, too,” I reveal into his neck that soon grows slick with my tears.

“Did you notice how he looks?” Robbie asks into the crown of my head, his lips moving against my hair. I feel his warm tears meet my scalp.

“Mmmhmm. He’s so pale. And he’s lost weight.”

“Yeah, and he tries not to show it, but he’s tired,” Robbie adds in. His chest shakes underneath me and I hear him hiccup from the crying. “I dunno if he’ll even eat. It looks like he hasn’t been recently. There’s like nothing in the fridge, Ree. We need to buy him groceries. It looks like he hasn’t left the house in days.”

All I can do is nod, and I do. Because the tears are too thick, and what am I even supposed to say? How do I put these terrible feelings into words, much less ones that make sense?

“I know, Ree, I know,” Robbie coos soothingly.

But somehow it brings me comfort to know that Robbie is feeling all of the same things and having all of the same thoughts as me. Stupid twin intuition or not, I just know. And at the same time, it makes my heart squeeze harder in pain.

“Kids, come on!” We hear our dad call from inside the house.

I leave Robbie’s arms and find his tear stricken face looking down at the ground. I brush the hair out of his eyes; the hair the same dark chocolate color as mine. His eyes the same ice blue as my own meet mine painfully. I swipe my finger under them to catch the tears. His fingers wrap around my hand and give it a squeeze.

“Let’s go eat lunch with our dad,” he mumbles, his voice still shaky.

I nod and squeeze it back. The same hand I’ve been holding ever since before I was born.

My partner in crime for life.

My twin.

“Go and splash cold water on your face, it’ll help. You can always say that I splashed soap in your eye.”

“Yeah, and how’s that going to sound if that happened to both of us?” he questions, pulling me by the hand into the house with a laugh. I make sure to close the door quietly before following him up the staircase. The sound of our dad’s whistling carries up the stairs and to my ears.

I savor it.

I never want to forget the first music I ever heard, and the one that never fails to calm me. Next to his soothing voice.

My daddy.

The rest of our day was better, but worrying about my dad was always at the back of everything. Silent, yet nagging. It interrupted all of the moments.

The laughing over a plate of home-cooked food.

The jokes and stories that passed the time of washing dishes.

The traditional walk around the block.

Our visit to the local library’s book sale.

Dad’s usual drive around town filling us in on everything we’ve missed.

So and so died.

She had a kid.

They got married.

They’re building this there.

That bloke went to jail.

It disrupted watching reruns of Doctor Who on BBC.

It returned after a cozy mid-day nap at dad’s elbow, strong as before.

It nagged at the back of my head when the phone would ring.

It sat in the circles of Robbie’s eyes when they locked with mine.

It filled the empty spaces between our conversations.

That question sat at the back of my head and in the pit of my stomach all day. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask it. Because I couldn’t confront the possibility of hearing the answer I dreaded most.

“Boy, you make one good pizza, baby girl,” my dad smiles as he stretches his arms to the ceiling.

I nod, slapping an automatic smile on my face. It doesn’t stay long when my eyes carry over to his plate holding the third slice he couldn’t eat. Another detail I noticed that’s unlike him. Because I can’t stop noticing them, and each one hurts more than the last.

Before I can stop it like all of the other times, my vision grows blurry. I feel my throat take after it and I couldn’t swallow if I tried. I lift my eyes over to Robbie across the small kitchen table, and it takes a second. But he feels me looking at him and hesitantly makes eye contact with me. He nods after a second. Watching the tears fill his eyes makes the first one fall from mine.

I sniffle out of habit and see my dad turn to look at me out of the corner of his eye. That parent hearing, that intuition. Heat rises to my cheeks and I hear my name leave his lips. Then he turns to look at Robbie and sighs.

“Dad, I can’t pretend anymore. I’m sorry, but I can’t. We can’t,” I say, my voice breaking at the beginning and staying that way. Tears shadow all of my words, and they only grow worse when I feel Robbie grab my hand under the table. “I can’t keep pretending that everything is okay because we know that it isn’t,” I finish, finally taking the next dreaded step. I look my father in the eyes and find in them the answer I’ve been searching for all day long.

His ice-blue eyes, the same color as mine and Robbie’s, stare back at me. They too are full of unspent tears, but it doesn’t last long. Soon they are falling down his cheeks stubbly with graying hair. His long, tan fingers comb through his hair the same shade as that of the hair on his children’s heads. Gray streaks speckled throughout fall from his fingers when he lets go. He clenches his hand into a fist that hits the table. Dad stares it before he lets it relax.

Looking back up, my heart lurches when his eyes reconnect with mine. Because I know what he’s going to say, and I don’t want to hear it.

“I have prostate cancer . . Stage 2. That’s all they know right now.”

Dropping Robbie’s hand, the kitchen chair moves back with a whine. I put one foot in front of the other before my hand is opening the door. My resolve falls when I reach the last cement step, and my legs can’t go any further. My butt lands on the step and I fall into myself. I feel the tears spill from my eyes and coat the legs of my jeans. Loud sobs leave my lips as my entire body shudders with each one.

No. No. No. No. No

No, not my daddy.

Why my daddy?

Why my daddy who had to put up with an awful wife for years?

Why my daddy who gave his children everything they wanted?

Why my daddy who gave so much to everybody else?

He gave so much and did so much and this happens to him.

No. Not him. It has to be some mistake.

I can’t lose my daddy.

I lost my grandpa and then Harry.

I can’t lose another person I love.

I can’t imagine not hearing his voice on the other side of the phone. Or not getting his hugs that seem to fix everything. Or hearing his whistling or god awful singing.

I can’t live without my dad.

Sniffling, my fingers search blindly for my phone. Finding it in my back pocket, I turn my head slightly to look through blurry eyes. Unlocking it, I press on the app I look for. My fingers race across the screen with each number. Then, the name inside of my head shows up on the screen.

Harry

My thumb wavers over the phone icon. I swallow and feel another tear hit my cheek. How is it that I haven’t heard your voice or seen your face in almost 9 months, and yet it’s the only one I want right now?

I close my eyes and feel my forehead return to my knees. Pressing a button, my phone locks with a clicking sound. My arms wrap around my knees pulled to my chest, and I feel every tear. And every thought.

Until minutes later when a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me into their chest. I let my head fall onto them as it shakes with a sob. And then another pair of arms wrap around us. I feel a kiss to my forehead before the stubbly cheek tickles the top of my head.

“I’m not going anywhere, kids. I s-still need to see you lot get married. I need to watch you kick ass and become a lawyer. And walk Ree down the aisle, and make sure Bee names his firstborn son after me,” my dad cries, pulling his two children into the confines of his trembling chest. Robbie and I laugh, and our dad’s weak one echoes our own. “I’m gonna fight this. I might need your help, but I’m not giving up that easily. Your old man’s not a woosy.”

Laughs surround our tears as I hold onto my dad and my brother. A large part of my small world.

“I’m not going anywhere, dad,” Robbie gets out with tear-soaked words.

“And neither am I, daddy,” I echo, nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck.

I peek my eyes open and find Robbie on the other side of my knees. His head is lying on dad’s other shoulder. He reaches a hand across and intertwines his free hand with the one not wrapped around our dad. Unspoken words pass between us. After a few seconds, I know that the words we just spoke we promised to not just our dad, but to each other.

We ask questions and he answers. He’s known for only a day or two. The appointment last Tuesday was for a checkup like he said. They were able to do the biopsy later in the day. We cry into each other, feeling the same fear and pain. Uncertainties sit in the air between us as the sun sets behind the oak trees in front of us. The scene in front of me couldn’t look any different from a night of my childhood.

More than anything, I wish I could go back to one of those days. Ice lollies on the front steps sitting on dad’s jiggling knee. Him trying to get me to laugh. By his fingers tickling my ribs. His face contorting into funny faces. Or his imitations of characters I watched on the telly. His wrinkles and gray hairs gone. As well as his cute little beer belly. Mom calling for me to get in the bath with Robbie from inside the house. The Rolling Stones playing on the radio inside. Sounds of neighbor kids mingling with the music, as well as dogs barking. But we stay there and watch the shades of the rainbow paint the sky.

Although I know that I can’t go back, I let myself sit in that safe memory for a moment longer. Because sitting on my dad’s strong, tan knee in that 4-year old moment, everything was okay. And I want to enjoy that for a few minutes longer before I have to return to reality. Before I have to start living in a reality where things won’t be okay for a while, because my daddy isn’t okay. And because of that, neither am I.

I don’t know when I will be again.

My footsteps echo on the tile floor. Each one makes a sound with its own name, like in the Dr. Seuss books my mum would read to me when I was a kid.

Plop.

Klopp.

Dopp.

“Would you bloody leave already? I’m sick of seeing your bleeding face,” a voice quips from behind me.

I turn to find Myles following me. He titters with a smirk covering his stubbly face.

“Oh, would ya shuddup?” I return with a shake of my head, combing my fingers through my hair, but not much hair greets them.

“I thought you were done putting in these late nights,” he comments, his steps echoing my own now.

Pushing open the door to the supply room, I step up to the copier. “Nah, I still have sum stuff t’ finish up. Gotta prep fer my case that starts Monday,” I answer him, punching in my code on the touch screen.

A long ‘ah’ leaves his lips as he rummages in something behind me. Probably knicking some more of the nice pens before they’re gone.

“Well, I’m not a workaholic like you, so I’m leaving work before 5 on a Friday,” he tells me, assuming that I care. I chuckle, shaking my head at his pompous words. The copier sounds back at me, and takes the paper away with a woosh. “Please don’t bloody sleep here again. I don’t wanna have to hear complaints from the cleaning staff. And I don’t wanna have to pay you more than I have to.”

“I pay meself, ya cheeky bastard,” I scoff, turning to find him grinning as he stands with a foot out the door.

But his smile falls and along with it comes a squeeze on the arm from him. “Really, Hare, if you need to sleepover here I don’t mind. I know it wasn’t a nice joke . . I’m glad to see you’re doing better, though. Meaning, not as many empty bottles in your bin,” Myles continues softly. My amused expression falls when the seriousness arrives in his tone. “Yeah, I noticed ‘em, mate. Glad they’re not there anymore. Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. Keep at it.”

All I know to do is nod. He returns it and I watch the back of his blonde head walk away. I sigh, picking up the stack of papers waiting on the tray. I grab the original and rummage in the drawers until I find a binder clip. I fasten the papers together as I take my time walking back to my office. It’s even a little quieter than a few minutes ago. When I glance at my watch, I see why. It’s 5 o’clock on the dot.

Myles is gone.

Amelia is too.

Mick’s office door is dark and closed.

So is Rory’s, to no surprise, because he probably went out for drinks with My.

Rose is still working hard behind her closed door that classical music trickles out of.

Pete nods at me as I pass him in the hallway with an empty mug. Probably on his way for a refill.

But another person is still here. I see him before he sees me, but when he does I follow him to the shiny metal sliding doors.

“Ya aren’t anxious t’ get a start on yer weekend like e’rybody else? Or did somethin’ in IT break an’ ya gotta fix it?” I ask, stepping onto the elevator.

“Not really. It’s supposed to rain all weekend, so what’s the fun in that?” Asher replies, stabbing a random button. By now, I know the drill.

Push a random button and we have that long to talk.

About her.

“Good ol’ Fall rainstorms,” I comment, and he nods silently.

I hum a tune as the elevator dings with each floor we pass. And he doesn’t say a word, and yet neither do I. Because the point of these secret meetings is for him to talk. And for the most part, I just listen. It’s a silent understanding by now, or so I think.

“Yer makin’ me nervous not sayin’ anythin’,” I say, trying to laugh and offset the awkwardness. But it doesn’t help. And neither does the distraught look on his face when he meets my eyes.

“I need to tell you something,” he confesses quietly.

“Well ya, tha’s kinda tha whole point o’ these secret elevator meetin’s,” I smile, trying again to liven up the atmosphere. But he doesn’t smile, or crack a joke.

The smile I was toting around falls, and my mind swarms with thoughts.

Scary ones.

Worrying ones.

Questions.

Worst-case scenarios.

“Asher, i-is Becks okay? Did something happen?” I hurry, the words tumbling from my lips.

“Yeah, she’s okay, Harry. I guess you could say that.”

“Well, ‘s she hurt? Did she get inna accident? Break a bone? What ‘s it?” I ask, question after question spilling out.

“No, none of that,” he answers, shaking his head emphatically. “She’s fine, physically.”

“Then what?!” I continue, prodding him for answers that he won’t give up.

But the last part of what he says gets me. It hints at what he’s about to say, and it doesn’t make me feel any better. It doesn’t pull a relieved sigh from my lips like I wish it could, but it’s not like that.

When the gleaming metal doors slide open on the first floor, nobody is waiting there. Asher doesn’t give me time to look if anybody is coming, because he presses another button. Now, I know it’s serious. Pushed another button for extra time. Something happened.

“Asher-.”

“She called me crying last night,” he begins. His voice is quiet and he sounds like he’s trying to keep the emotions out of it, but they’re heard in every word. “Her dad found out he has prostate cancer, and she’s a mess. I dunno how to help her, or if you could either. But I just hate seeing her in pain and upset,” he reveals, the words loaded and dark.

I feel my back hit the railing on the wall, but I didn’t know that I was backing up into it. Something inside of my chest falls and for the first time in weeks, my thoughts are flooded with her. And I’m worrying about her, missing her, and wanting to hear her voice. I’m feeling all of the things and thoughts I’ve done such a great job at suppressing for the last few weeks.

Now, I feel myself fill with regret at that because once again I want to drown the feelings.

Because I’m hurting thinking about all of the hurt and pain she’s feeling.

“Yeah, I know whatcha mean,” is all I can say, because how the fuck do I put these thoughts into proper words? “Did she say anythin’ else ‘bout his diagnosis? Stages? Surgery? Chemo?”

“It’s still early, she doesn’t know a lot yet. I guess nobody does. He only just told her and Robbie last weekend. She’s trying to figure out how to rearrange her life to help take care of him,” Asher explains. I nod because that’s what you do when you don’t know what to say.

I don’t get a chance to ask any more questions, because the doors slide open again. A red-headed gentleman steps off 17 and I decide to step on. Looking over my shoulder, I meet eyes with Asher. “Thank you, Asher . . I mean it.”

He nods and I return it before turning around and walking back to my office. Goodbyes past between Rose and I, her long blonde curls dancing on her shoulders. Thunder clouds boom overhead and seconds later, I hear the rain begin falling onto the skylights. It makes the sounds from another Dr. Seuss book.

Splatt.

Boom!

Dibble Dibble.

Dopp Dopp.

Country music pours from Pete’s office, bringing a confused smile to my face. But it only stays for a second, because my thoughts return to Becky. I sigh, twisting open my office door. I stop in my tracks when I hear my Fleetwood Mac ringtone filling my office.

But it stops, and only then do my feet awake. Rushing over to my desk, I drop the stack of copies next to my computer. Forgetting them and working on prep work for my case, I shuffle through the mess on my desk. I lift up papers. Move books. Toss pens aside. Rearrange folders and pads of paper. And then I find it. The screen is black as it’s cupped in my hand.

But in a matter of seconds, I awaken it and see who I missed a call from. The breath in my lungs stills and my breathing halts. My ass hits my chair with a sigh, and I wheel around to face the window. Angry storm clouds await me as rain falls hard against the foggy class. Tapping my temple with my finger, my thumb sits inches away from the screen. I debate whether to call the person back or not.

Why would I?

How can I?

Should I?

I don’t have to decide, because the voice of Stevie Nicks spills from my phone’s speakers. And the image of that person’s face fills my screen. Their smile. Their magical eyes. Without hesitation, I slide my thumb across the screen. And press it to my ear.

“Hullo?” I say slowly, barely loud enough to hear myself. Because I can’t believe it.

“Harry?” the voice replies. A question frames their familiar accent, but something else does too. Thick tears.

“Becks . . are ya okay, love?”

#the assistant #pa harry #harry styles #harry styles au #fanfiction #wattpad #fanfic #writing #harry #lawyer harry #lawyer au #harry au #one direction

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d-noona · 4 years ago

Text

MAKE OVER

Chapter 7: Fairy God Mommy

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Reader as Kang Hyeonji

SUMMARY: When Kang Hyeonji transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Hyeonji to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

After that nothing could have made Hyeonji happy, not even when Mrs. Jung returned with her still apologetic mother in tow. Amazingly, Zil was thrilled by the idea of becoming Mrs Jung's cleaner, then estatic when Hoseok explained his refinancing offer.

"Isn't that wonderful news Hyeonji?" Her mother exclaimed. "Now we wont have to have a stranger in the house. And you'll have money for yourself for a change."

Hyeonji smiled and said yes, it was wonderful. She smiled all through lunch and laughed when the four of them moved Mrs Jung's living room furniture to new spots, then have to move everything back again to their original places when the end result did not please Mrs Jung's creative eye.

No one would have guessed how wretched Hyeonji felt. She was a past master at hiding her feelings, especially around Hoseok. But her heart grew heavier as the hours passed. By afternoon tea, she was exhausted with the emotional strain of pretending to be bright and breezy when inside she was shattered. Hoseok's getting back with Tinashe the following Sunday was the final straw.

His eagerness for their reconciliation had been palpable, his body language reeking of sexual frustration as he'd spoken of his time away from Tinashe. He could not wait to jump back into bed with her. Hyeonji could no longer fool herself. Any attention he'd been giving her had been the result of his boredom, not because of any suddenly selfless maturity.

"You won't forget about the refinancing," she reminded him stiffly when it came time for them to leave.

"Not at all. In fact, your mom is going to provide me the relevant papers this very afternoon. I'll collect them shortly, Zil, and have Sejin get onto it first thing this week, then I'll bring up whatever needs to be signed next Saturday." As Hoseok elaborates what he plans to have his secretary do.

"You coming home next Saturday, are you?" Hyeonji asked with a weary resignation. Normally, the thought of Hobi being around thrilled her to pieces. Now there was no pleasure in the news, only the cynical thought that of course he was coming home. Had nothing better to do till Sunday, did he?

"Yes, I've been invited to speak at a local business awards dinner on Saturday night. I'm also presenting the prizes" he says.

"How nice." Hyeonji answers blandly.

"Why don't you take Hyeonji, Hoseok?" His mother suggested. "The invitation says "and partner"."

Hoseok's instant frown was enough to turn Hyeonji off the idea, despite her stupid heart giving one last feeble leap. His eyes turned her way then travelled slowly over her. She could actually see his brain ticking away. Dear old Hyeonji doesn't look half bad now. She wouldn't be an embarrassment to take, not like she would have been a week ago.

"Would you like to go?" He asked her. "It's a black tie, so you'll need a dinner dress."

Hyeonji steeled herself to do the one thing she'd thought she would never do. Reject the man she loved. "Thank you Hobi," she said with superb indifference, "but I have other plans for next Saturday night."

His brown eyes instantly clouded a small stab of triumph lifted her spirits momentarily., quickly followed by a much stab of despair. Tears threatened and she just had to get out of there. Panic had her glancing around for her mother. "Ready to go home Mum?" She asked, determined to keep up the false gaiety to the bitter end. "I have quite a bit to do before the working week starts tomorrow."

"My working week starts tomorrow too, doesn't it Mrs Jung?" Zil returned happily.

"Indeed it does."

"Thank you so much," Zil went on, clasping her neighbor's hands with her own with rather touching gratitude. "For lunch. And...and everything."

Mrs Jung smiled and patted Zil's hands. "It's I who's grateful. I've found myself a wonderful cleaner and a new friend as well. See you in the morning Mrs Kang."

"And I'll be seeing you later Mrs Kang!" Hoseok called out as Hyeonji shepherded her mother out of the house. "To get those papers."

"What nice people they are," Zil said on the short way home. "And wasn't it kind of Hoseok to help us out with that money business?"

"Yes, it was." Hyeonji admitted, but tight-lipped.

A silence descended between the two women as they made their way inside, but Hyeonji could feel her mother watching her.

"Why didn't you say yes when Hoseok asked you to go out with him?" Zil asked once they were safely alone in the kitchen. "It...it wasn't because of what I said earlier, was it? About not being...well...pretty enough for him? Because that's not true, Hyeonji. You're plenty pretty enough. And he really likes you. I can see that now. He could hardly take his eyes off you all over lunch, and then later he..."

"Oh Mum, please," Hyeonji begged. "You don't have to lie. You were right the first time."

"No, darling. I wasn't. I was wrong. Very wrong. And I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself. I was feeling sorry for myself, and I was afraid. Yes, afraid." She repeated when Hyeonji's eyes widened. "Afraid some man would snap you up, looking as you do now, and I'd be left all alone in this world."

"But today opened my eyes there's Mrs Jung, a widow like myself, but she doesn't sit around feeling sorry for herself. Besides her writing, she plays golf and bingo and bridge. And she doesn't tie that boy of hers to her apron-strings, either. I can see its up to me to make something of my life for myself. I know becoming a cleaner isnt much but at least I'm good at it, and it's a start. I might even go to that hair dresser of yours with some of my cleaning money and become a blonde!"

"Oh Mum!" Hyeonji exclaimed, a burst of very real joy dragging her heart back out of the doldrums. "You've no idea how happy you made me, hearing you say that."

"Do you forgive me for saying those awful things to you, my dear? I didn't mean them, you know."

Hyeonji couldnt help but relent. "Of course, I forgive you," she said gently. "I love you Mom."

"Oh Hyeonji," her mother crude, and threw her arms around her daughter.

Unfortunately , it was not the best of time for Hyeonji to be hugged. Her mother's display of affection tipped her over the edge on which she'd been balancing for several hours., splintering the brittle control which she'd been holding in her misery. Her shoulders began to shake as sobs racked her whole body. "Oh my daughter," her mother groaned, and hugged her even more tightly. "Dont cry, darling. Please dont cry. Oh, you make me feel terrible. If only I hadn't said those awful things, you would have probably gone out with Hoseok when he asked you. It's my fault!"

"No, it isn't," Hyeonji sniffled when she at last pulled out of her mother's arms. "Hoseok only asked me out because Tinashe's trying to prove some point or other and she's refused to have anything to do with him for a month. But come next Sunday they'll be back together again, as thick as thieves. Who knows? If she plays her cards right he might even ask her to marry him."

"What rubbish!" Her mother pronounced firmly, startling Hyeonji. "Hoseok is not in love with that flashy bit of goods. No man in love with one girl looks at another girl as he looked at you today."

Hyeonji was dumbfounded. "But I...I didn't notice him looking at me in a special way..."

"Then you're as blind as he is, my girl. You made a big mistake refusing to go out with him next Saturday night. Now listen here; when he comes over to pick up those papers, you tell him you've changed your mind and you'd like to go after all."

"But...but..." Hyeonji stammered.

"NO buts. You said he's not getting back with that Tinashe till Sunday. Make the most of what time you have!" Zil pushed Hyeonji with both her arms on her waist.

"I was just going to say I don't have anything to wear," Hyeonji smiled weakly.

"Well, that's easily fixed."

"How? Hoseok's accountant can't get us anymore money immediately. And I'm not taking the cleaning money you earn, Mom. No way. One hundred dollars wouldnt be nearly enough anyway," she added with a sad sigh. "A dinner dress, complete with shoes and bag doesn't come cheap these days."

"Would five hundred dollars do?"

"Five hundred! But where?... I mean..." Hyeonji surprised at her mother.

Zil smiled her pleasure at her daughter's surprise. "You're not the only one who has rainy-day money stashed away, my girl. Come this way."

Hyeonji followed, fascinated, while her mother led her upstairs and into the master bedroom where she proceeded to lift up the mattress and draw out a battered brown paper envelope. She opened the flap and tipped the contents out onto the patchwork quilt. Notes of all sizes fluttered down, mostly fives, tens and twenties.

"I used to hide this is an empty washing powder box in the laundry when your father was alive. But now its safe enough out here. I know there's at least five hundred dollars, maybe more." She gathered the money up and pressed them into Hyeonji's hands. "I want you to buy yourself a dress which will knock Hoseok's eyes out!"

Hyeonji hated the wild rush of elation ehich flooded her heart, for she feared she was setting herself up for a disaster of monumental proportions. No matter what her mother said and no matter what dress she brought, how could she seriously compete with Tinashe? It was like comparing a nice little house wine with a top brand french champagne. Tinashe's extravagant self fizzed sparkled. She was special-occassion lady whereas she, was the common, everyday, value for money variety.

When Hoseok looked at her he only ever saw a familiar face. And everyone knew what familiarity bred. Contempt. Never chemistry.

Or was that how he'd seen her in the past? Dared she hoped that her new look had evoked a new appreciation? Hyeonji had told the truth when she'd said she hadn't notice Hoseok looking at her differently today. But after his news about Tinashe she'd been too upset to notice anything, and had avoided Hoseok's eyes as much as possible.

Could her mother's observations possibly be correct, or was she just trying to make her daughter feel better? She'd been guilty over her earlier less than generous remarks. Hyeonji didn't want to keep her hopes up. And yet, something was stirring within her soul. Something she'd never felt before. Something rather wicked.

Tinashe had called her a sly piece. Maybe she was right, Hyeonji thought with a steeling of her spirit. Because I am not going to go quietly, Tinashe, darling. Neither am I going to let you have Hoseok back without a fight. Come Saturday night, I'm going to use every female trick in the book.

The trouble was...she hadn't read that particular book yet. She would have to depend on her feminine instinct. The front doorbell ringing startled both of them. "That'll be Hoseok," Zil said urgently. "Now drop that money and go down and talk to him while I get those papers he wants. Tell him you've changed your mind about Saturday night, and ask him what time he wants you ready by. Be cool, though. Not overly eager."

Hyeonji shocked at her mother "Mum, you sneaky thing!"

"Well there is no point in being easy. Any girl who looks as good as you do can pkay a little hard to get. Besides, men never want what they think they can have, gratis. They like a bit of a challenge."

Hyeonji went down stairs shaking her head. Who would have believed that within her own shy reserved mother lurked the makings of a femme fatale? Heaven knew what would happen if the Kang widow became a blonde!

Hyeonji summoned up a pleasant smile to answer the door, resolving to watch this time for any sign that Hoseok looked at her differently in any way.

"Hello there again," she said. "Mum wont be a minute with those papers. Look, about next Saturday night Hobi, that was rude of me to dismiss your very nice invitation out of hand. I know what its like to go to these things alone..."

She didn't actually, because she's never been to an awards dinner. But Hyeonji had never lacked imagination. Just think of all those times Hosoek had made lover to her in her mind. Unfortunately, she began thinking of one those times right at this moment. It was her favorite scenario where Hoseok was concerned. He would bring her home to this door after a serious date and there would be much kissing and panting on the front porch. When she finally unlocked the door, he would push her inside, then scoop her up into his arms and carry her upstairs to her room where a three-foot bed was no barrier to true love.

Her mouth dried as she thought of their naked bodies blended tightly, writhing together. Her brown eyes glittered as they began unconsciously to rove over the object of her desire. Before they reach his waist, Hyeonji swallowed then cleared her throat. "Er...could I possibly change my mind and say yes?"

He stiffened. He actually stiffened. Why?

"Is there a problem with that?" She asked airily, even while her heart was thudding. He stood there frowning at her. The atmosphere on that doorstep was suddenly charged with a quite alien tension. Hyeonji didnt know what to make of it except that she found herself holding her breath.

"Hobi?" She choked out.

He seemed to have to shake himself to answer her. "No." He muttered. "No problem. I'll look forward to it."

Hyeonji had to be careful not to let all her breath out of her lungs in a rush. "Fine," she said with a small smile. "Well, where is this dinner and what time should I be ready?"

"Its being held down at the League's Club, in the Admiral's Quarters. The dinner starts at eight. Pre-drinks at seven thirty. I'll pick you up at...say...seven?"

Hyeonji nodded "I'll be ready. And thanks again for helping us with the finance business."

"My pleasure." He answered.

But it didn't look as if it was his pleasure. Not at all. He hadn't smiled once since she'd opened the door. Hyeonji could not make head or tail of his mood, except that it was obvious he had mixed feelings about taking her to that dinner.

She prayed his reluctance was because he'd begun to feel things for her which he found confusing, and not because Tinashe might get jealous if she ever found out. Her mother's arrival at that point steered the conversation to a less stressful grounds. Hoseok left a couple of minutes later and as Zil closed the front door she threw Hyeonji a questioning glance. "Well? What happened? You both seemed tense when I came down."

Hyeonji shrugged. "I don't really know. I told him I changed my mind about the dinner, and he agreed to take me, but not with great enthusiasm. To be honest, I think it worried the heck out of him."

"Well that's better than indifference, Hyeonji."

Nodding her head Hyeonji agreed "That's what I was thinking."

Zil patted her daughter's back "Only time will tell."

Chapter 08

Masterlist

#BTS #BANGTANSONYEONDAN #BTSJHOPE #JHOPE #HOBI #JUNGHOSEOK #JUNGJOSEOKXREADER #BTSFANFIC #BTSROMANTICFANFIC #MAKEOVER

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jackednephi · 5 years ago

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Hey I think its real cool and neat how ur relationship w HF is like way diff from mine, I dont think that's ever talked about enough but I love seeing how diff other ppl interact w Him and still feel the same love from Him like I do (also ur right there is a lot of structure for praying that can let it become meaningless that ive never noticed before? ??)

I'd meant to answer this awhile ago when I got it but like I've been Busy. Dealing with basement demon mostly. But alas

You're right though! We all have different relationships with the father but that's to be expected. Does every child have the same relationship with their parents? Of course not! My younger brother got along with my mother when she and I would fight like two wet, angry cats. He and my father would clash pretty similarly but I've never had any serious issue with him. My older brother's issues with either of our parents were all self inflicted. As in, the only times he hasn't gotten on with them were through his own mistakes. Like marrying a woman they didn't think was a good fit. Which ended up in divorce 18 months later, interestingly enough

But that's just how it is, you know? Like we're all different people and if we all had the exact same relationship then there's some kind of problem. Our relationships should reflect who we are, how we actually communicate, rather than being cookie cutter. After all, we know who wanted the cookie cutter plan and why that was bad

I mean I'm not sitting here recommending anyone talk to the lord the same they would their best friend. That's deeply inappropriate on all kinds of levels. But some people may need to change thee/thou to you/your because the Shakespearean English trips them up and keeps them from authenticity and that's ok. I personally stick with it because it's super easy for me to slip into and out of. Almost like a glove. And I like that only the father gets the most familial address that nobody else I speak with or to does

And that's ok! The same way some people pray in the shower, some fall to their knees, others before rising for the day while they're still cozy in bed. That's just how it goes. I've never been able to kneel and pray because of terrible knees. My mother, on the other hand, doesn't pray in the shower like I tend towards. While it helps me time my showers and not dissociate, she'll spend an eternity and use up all the hot water

These, of course, are all superficial differences. At the end of the day, we're still children speaking to a parent. So long as we're respectful and authentic, of course we'll feel that deep, abiding, neverending love. That's how our relationships here manifest and, as we all know, our lives and patterns here reflect the patterns of heaven

But yeah that's just my take on it. I've described like how I interact with the father and loads of people being like "you? Can do that??? You can just like swear at God when you're frustrated?????? You can just cut out the meaningless rote ritual??????? Why didn't I think of that!" Which is very telling imo. The name of the game is authenticity because how is the lord supposed to have a relationship with a child who is keeping him at a distance

After all, he doesn't want some ideal version of us. He wants the laundry strewn across the floor, half unpacked boxes all over the house, crusty dishes in the sink us. Not the perfect house with everything neat, and tidy, and clean, and in its place. He'll help us get there. We just have to let him in while our toaster is still on fire

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8771eh · 6 years ago

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A Personal Chef

Or the 5 times Sid's Chef walked in on things she didn't want to see and one time she saw something she wanted to.

1. Oct 2008-Chez Lemieux Pittsburgh, PA

It all started at a huge event. Well for the rich and famous of Pittsburgh it wasn't that big of a deal. However, she thought it was enormous. Especially as the first event that her mentor had asked her to help prep and work. It was her menu that the upper echelon of the steel city were consuming and that knowledge was overwhelming.

She had a few minutes to step outside for a bathroom break and was able to see faces she had only ever seen on the tv and voices she only heard on the radio mingling in the crowd.

The best thing about being a chef was that compliments were paid to you but so often people did not realize who you were when you went thru a crowd without the appropriate hat. She was more then fine with that because she hated attention being directly on her. Let the attention be on her food, on the combination of sweet and savory or spicey and tangy; not on her face. In fact she would much rather work on smaller crowds with an occasional big event. Then she could be the sole person in the kitchen and manage everything on her own. Not have the extra stress of managing others.

She turned the corner and stopped mid step. Before her were two hockey players who the city were talking about reviving a failing franchise. And they were staring intently at one another, a pink flush on Sidney Crosby's face as Evgeni Malkin cupped his hand over the Sid's cheek, his thumb brushing the apple of his cheek.

She took a couple steps backwards and purposefully stomped her feet as she moved back to the corner. While protecting their privacy was imperative, her bladder was demanding relief before she could get back and make sure the kitchen was running smoothly.

This time as she turned the corner Crosby was standing alone in the hallway trying to will the blush from his face. He smiled at her shyly.

"Oh, hey. Are you the chef?" He asked as he took in her outfit.

"Yes, I am. I'm Vanny. I hope you're enjoying yourself." She was trying to be polite but definitely did not miss the blush that deepened on Crosby's face.

"For sure. The food has been great. Listen, Natalie was talking about how much it helped her to have a chef while Mario was playing and the kids were babies. I was thinking it might be helpful to get a chef who can maybe help me out with food." Crosby chuckled as he looked away while rubbing the back of his neck. "Would you know if anybody who does that?"

"Oh, actually, I just might." Crosby's smile seemed to relax as she smiled back at him. This might work better then she expected.

2. Sept 2009- Crosby Kitchen

She was ecstatic about the Stanley cup celebrations coming to a close. Sidney's schedule had been ridiculous with all the parties and then attempts to get back on a meal plan. Then the amount of cheating he would do. Especially after Malkin-call me Geno- came back from Russia. She was surprised Sidney hasnt asked her to start cooking for the two of them with how often the other man was over.

That didnt mean that she wasnt going to leave him out though. She loved seeing people enjoy her food but she loved trying new recipes more. When Geno started to come around more often she spoke with her colleague who had spent a year training in Moscow. She had just picked up some ingrediants to try and make a healthier version of a cold salad her friend had sent her when she heard voices from the kitchen. She stopped just outside the door way where she could see Sidney holding his head and pacing tightly near the fridge. Geno was propped against the island with a patient look.

"We need to stop. This is a huge mistake." Sidney glanced towards Geno before he turned his back to him during his small circuit. She watched as Geno nodded in agreement before pushing himself off the island and moving closer.

"Is big mistake. But not most big. We just win Cup, Sid. We not deserve?" Geno stopped himself on an invisible line allowing Sidney his pacing space.

Vanny watched as Sidney hesitated a step before looking back at Geno. His back was to her but she could see the hope and worry mixed on Geno's face.

"Its a bad mistake, G." He sighed heavily, "Can we keep kissing until we think this through?" Geno reached out and placed a hand on Sidney's face. Similarly to the way she had found them at the Lemieux household the year prior.

"Take all the time you need. You a big mistake I want make again and again. Choose you each time, Sidka." He whispered before Sidney pressed forward to kiss him.

She definitely forgot butter or would need more butter after they had stopped steaming up her kitchen. She would also need bleach if the rustling of fabric was any sign of what was happening.

3. March 14, 2011- Crosby Kitchen

Cooking in minimal lighting was an interesting experience. Cooking for two injured cranky hockey players was more of an experience. She had worked it out that she would cook the meals at her place and bring them to Sidney's house so he and Geno could try to maneuver their limitations.

Today was different tho. Sidney had been seeming a little bit better over the past couple weeks. She had come in many times to Geno and Sidney on the couch. Geno reading with a dim book lamp attached to his kindle while Sidney looked asleep in the darkened room. The past week the lights had been on more often, there were gym clothes scattered across the laundry room and louder voices or laughter coming from the rec room.

Today she had prepared a ratatouille in hopes that the continuation of food that required minimal chewing would help with the constant ache caused from the concussion. She had become an expert in entering the house from the garage quietly in the midst of the sort days of the concussion.

However she wanted to start rethinking how quietly she entered. The laundry room was between the garage and kitchen. She stopped in there as she heard a firm 'No.' Coming from the kitchen.

Peeking around the corner she could see Sidney sitting on the island with Geno standing between his legs, his crutches on the floor.

"But I'm miss you."

"Geno. I'm serious you are not giving me a blow job. What about your knee?"

"Trust me, my knee miss you too. Sidnyushka, you skate for first time in months! You keep saying no sex, no skate, no hockey, no tv, no fun with concussion."

"Wow, G, glad I've been such a bore while I've been in pain. You know-"

"No, you not listen. You skate today, yes?" Vanny assumed Geno was waiting for Sidney to nod. "And your head not hurt?" There was a pause before a soft gasp followed by soft spoken Russian. "See you on skates again is what I want, but want you happy most. You come back today and so happy. You not tell me you think you ready to skate but you do this and see you most happy is like you most beautiful."

"I didn't know if the team would clear me."

"But you’re not tell me, so I should get included by suck you after hard work." There was the sound of kissing mixed with fabric rustling. Vanny was certain she had forgotten to turn off a stove at home and knew she had more bleach at home. She needed to start finding new places to keep bleach in this house if her poor kitchen was going to be defiled.

4. April 2013-

"Damnit, G, I want your dick in my mouth." Vanny froze. She thought of the location of the nearest spray bottle she had prepped with bleach and glanced towards the laundry room for her gloves. She was not paid enough to keep walking in on this stuff. For a couple who thought they were being really discreet, they are pretty oblivious to the domestic service crew.

By the end of the concussion and knee injuries, the entire house were well aware of how deeply in love the two hockey players were. As well as how stupid they were about communication. Mostly the staff got together on game nights and gossiped about who had walked in on what. Jaden swore they would end up outting themselves during a game and kept a book of all the near misses and missed dates as their pot grew larger.

Vanny sighed, her coworkers had stories, but they could never compare to what happened in her kitchen. She heard the sounds of kissing and fabric rustling, something hitting the ground. Years of working in the Crosby household had taught her to not look, to go do anything else. When she heard Sid state "I may be missing half my teeth but I can still suck your dick. G." She knew it was time to leave and probably call it a night. They could sort their own food out tonight and she could find a new way to blend recipes for Sidney's broken jaw.

5. NYE 2015- Crosby Kitchen

Vanny was stopped in the pantry. She didnt think they would be home this early-werent they on a road trip? She wasnt sure but either way they were in her kitchen. Going into the fridge and she didnt have the courage to leave the pantry. She had seen them in so many states of undress without them knowing that she did not have the patience to see them in whatever state with their knowledge.

"C'mon, G, its new years eve and we are going to celebrate together. I have plans." Vanny could hear the fridge shut, cabinet doors open as socked feet shuffled around the kitchen.

"Yes, I'm see maybe plan, but most worried you not joking here."

"Why would I be joking?"

"Because you not like that and now you have big jar full?"

"Oh? No, Vanny has it on hand to make stuff for you when you come over for longer stints. Pretty sure I saw some licorice for Olli in the cupboard last night. She is amazingly thoughtful. I dont think-" Vanny cant help the smile at Sidney's compliment but is well aware that Sidney is oblivious to the fact that she has been cooking for both of them for years.

"Yes, Vanny most wonderful chef. Not bad with Russian recipes, but Sidka, is maybe popular food. But you most wrong."

"Where is your sense of adventure"

"Is most big insult to Russia, you think mayonnaise good for sexy times, Sidka. Lose your Russian card before even get one." Vanny can hear a scoff and then giggling. "Never allowed to come Russia. Most sad because I am wanting take you to see Magnitogorsk."

Their voices fade as they disappear down the hall. Vanny sighs and then steps out of the pantry. She eyes the jar on the counter then promptly drops in it the trash. Mixing bleach and food wouldnt be a healthy choice.

+1 7/31/18--Cole Harbour, NS

Geno is chattering with Vanny about the recipe she is using for the salmon when she notices Sid standing just out of the kitchen doorway. He is staring intently at Geno. She has been around for so many years and seen many of the looks between the two men as their relationship grew. As they allowed others in on their life together.

She even knew the looks that meant she needed extra bleach and to prep some whisky balls for Lita when she got the next load of sheets in the wash. There was only so much bleach the sheets could handle. Or the looks they shared when they didn't realize they were not alone.

No, this look was not like that. This one was what she saw in interviews. Like he was schooling himself to not give anything away. He glanced briefly at Vanny and she could see his shoulders heave as he held her gaze for a moment.

"Hey Zhenya, Vanny." Sid greeted as he walked past and pressed a kiss to Geno's arm before heading to the wine cellar. Vanny picked up the platter on the counter and excused herself quickly from the conversation. She needed to get these stuffed mushrooms out to the table before Geno tried to eat them all.

As she walked back into the kitchen, she stopped just at the entry way, Geno was fiddling with a bottle opener as Sid looked on nervously. As Geno turned to use to counter for leverage and started mumbling in Russian about the cork, Vanny covered her mouth to stop her gasp from being audible as Sid dropped to one knee.

"Sid, what you do to bottle? It st-" his words trailed off as he turned and glanced around the room for Sid before looking down. The hand holding the bottle dropped to one side and the other hand holding the corkscrew went to his mouth. "Sidney? Why you on knee?"

"I have probably driven Tanger, Flower and Jack crazy with all the different words I've tried to put together. You know I'm much better at scoring goals then saying the emotional stuff. And Flower gave me a bunch of shit when I tried to use hockey metaphors even if thats-" Sid shakes his head and smiles then pulls out a small velvet box. "Enough rambling, here's the thing, I love you. I have loved you for so long and I want to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. So, Evgeni Vladimirovich Malkin, will you marry me?"

Vanny can feel her eyes watering in the silence that fills the room after Sid finishes speaking. She watches as Geno allows a rush of emotions to cross his face because he has always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve.

"G?" Sid shifts minutely on his knee. Vanny can't see his face to know what expression he is showing and she doesn't dare move to draw attention to herself.

'Sidnyushka," Geno turns and puts the bottle and corkscrew on the counter before pulling Sid to his feet. "Of course I marry you. But Sid, why you have to beat me? Propose not competition. Have big plan, best plan for your birthday. Seryozah, Taylor and Phil all help me make most plan so you say yes but need best plan because-" Geno is cut off as Sid presses a kiss to his lips.

"You know I'm a competitive asshole, Zhenya. I want to marry you regardless but, baby, I win so you win and we win."

"Best team." Geno mutters where their faces are still pressed together. Vanny watches as Geno pulls away enough to ret his forehead against Sid's. "Ok, yes. I'm marry you make you most lucky man to be husband to Evgeni Malkin." Sid laughs as he drops the velvet box to the counter and moves Geno's left arm so he can slide the ring on.

"Sidnyushka, I have ring for you upstairs. Love you most." Geno is cupping Sid's face in hands and peppering kisses on him as Sid giggles wetly. Vanny figures this is the time to give them a little extra privacy. Her kitchen is safe with all the guests, but emotions are high and they deserve a true moment alone.

Besides, she needs to start looking at who she can rope into helping with a wedding.

#sidgeno #sidgeno rpf #i read he has a personal chef and i couldnt knock the idea of what that poor chef would see if they worked for a sid who was with geno

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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Okay seriously but dr maddiman's story is SO SAD

His wife literally left him on april fools day!!! And he sat there waiting at the door and crying until midnight just in case it was a joke and she came back

AND THEN HE DIED

And we dont even know WHEN he died! His journals just slowly peter off into nothing after the depressing divorce day. Just "i need to work i need to work" and talking about how he doesnt take care of himself now he has nobody to live for and how he doesnt even remember why he's working anynore but he's scared if he stops working he'll remember that his family left him. And he doesnt know how to cook and he just makes shitty gruel out of whatever was left in the fridge after his wife left and he doesnt ever buy any more groceries and uhh.. Well.. At some point he died. He basically committed suicide by sheer denial. The goddamn diary about being unable to cook trails off into just repeating "tasty gruel" over and over in increasingly gnarled handwriting. And in japanese the word for gruel was a pun on another rather infamous depressing scienceman's last journal in resident evil. So while the dub wrote it out in full sentences instead the original was kinda like... Incoherant rambling of a guy who died mid sentence. Thats what the reference would immediately communicate to anyobe who'd played RE...

And man its just SO SAD cos even before he basically killed himself with unhealthy coping mechanisms, he ruined his own life with the same problem. He became distant from his wife and child because he loved them so much but he didnt know how to communicate it and he just ran away from all of his problems. He buried himself in his work to avoid facing the fact he was having relationship issues with his wife, which obviously just made it worse. And his whole work in the first place was from a stupid idea that he could "keep everyone i love safe if i take over the world". Like the idea of actually telling them he loved them and talking about his worries was SO IMPOSSIBLE that he jumped to an even more impossible solution as something easier! And then its so depressing cos oh man these diaries are like a constant stream of jokes about how this man is destroying himself from overwork and like seriously it was so bad that they had to censor a few of them in the dub. For example one about how he hadnt changed out of his lab coat in over two weeks so his wife mistook his laundry for nuclear waste and tried to friggin dispose of his boxers with a long stick and a flamethrower! Which the dub somehow thought was too gross even tho half of all yokai are just gross jokes lol. BUT SERIOUSLY They try and write it all comical at first but all this comical stuff causes realistic consequences of a rift between him and his family AND ALSO his health failing with every damn page you turn like holy fuckin shit. You cant blame his wife for leaving him, she didnt know he really did love her and was just running away from talking about his problems. God she must have suffered so much trying to raise the kid alone and not knowing WHY he seemed to leave her entirely and hate her more and more each day. And its implied that maddiman's research started getting all fanatical and supernatural even before he became a monster, and he wasnt even seeing regular patients at the hospital and like.. Doing his job... Receiving money of any sort. So man at some point yeah the poor lady would have to make the right choice to leave for the sake of their kid. It sounds like she tried so damn hard to get him to open up and just goddamn come home!!!

AND THE WORST PART IS THAT IT WORKED

Yknow not just in the literal sense where his shambling undead self is STILL SICK FROM HOW HE DIED and LITERALLY WEARS HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE NOW

Oh god i just realized that maybe his inspiriting power is "heart swap" not because literally he's an evil scientist who wants to cut you up, but because HE WISHES HE COULD HAVE SHOWN HIS HEART TO HIS FAMILY WHEN HE HAD THE CHANCE!!!!!#!!!

and okay seriously THAT PART, THAT WORST OF WORST PARTS

Is that he did!!! He did try!! He did make the right choice!! He just kept running away for so long that when he decided to step up and be a good husband and father it was already too late. :(

He did decide to abandon his fanatical nonsense and just go home and show them he loves them. He closed up work early and bought a bunch of gifts for his family and came home hoping to surprise them and... Was surprised. At an empty house. And a note saying she'd already gone. On fuckin APRIL FOOLS DAY OF ALL DAMN DAYS so he SAT THERE SURROUNDED BY THE PRESENTS CRYING FOR HOURS HOPING IT WAS JUST A JOKE

And he just fell back even harder into his self harming conflict avoidance behaviours. He didnt try and call her and apologise, he didnt even go home ever again. He probably left the same bag of presents there on the table gathering dust even when he was dead. He just went back to work and kept working so hard that he didnt notice when he fell asleep and never woke up.

And thats why in the first game he seemed so much more evil but he was confirmed redeemable in future games and got all this heart destroying heartwarming bullshit beautiful goddamn writing AND ALSO THREE BABY TURTLES TO HUG. He just fuckin ran away from his problems so hard that he forgot he was ever human!! And he was stuck so much in this 'i must complete my ultimate science at any cost' mindset that he forgot why it was even important. And he was willing to make any damn sacrifices for something he didnt know was already useless cos HIS WIFE AND KID ARE PROBABLY DEAD NOW ANYWAY *sob*

Oh and then yokai watch 3 confirmed that yes at least his kid is indeed dead anyway. You can catch his yokai form too and HE BECAME A DOCTOR JUST LIKE HIS GODDAMN DAD!!!! They made up fpr not ever letting us have a playable maddiman by giving us a new yokai scienceman and HEY WHY NOT HAVE THE SADDEST POSSIBLE EXPLANATION FOR THAT!!!! And in the quest that finaly confirms their connection HA HA WHAT WOULD BE THE WORST POSSIBLE TEASE WE COULD GIVE THE PLAYERS? Hey looks like Cliff inherited his dad's neuroses so instead of going to meet him he runs away from his problems. And thats just the end. The closest they get to reuniting is dr son guy leaving his dad a can of his favourite soda before he runs away. This was in the last set of dlc for the game and will probably never get a better conclusion unless the two of them return in a future game but the original anime series has ended now and the next game looks like its gonna be this alternate universe thing instead. Sigh!

FUCKIN HELL LEVEL-5 WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME WITH THIS GREAT PLOTLINE OF UTMOST SADS

Why is "sad science dad" always my fave character in everything ever and why is dr maddiman such the best

Im cry my heart out. Quite literally. LIKE POOR GODDAMN DR MADDIMANNNNNN

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kpopcametoslayourlives · 6 years ago

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12 Days With EXO

Summary; In which Suho takes you out to a fancy Christmas dinner.

"How are you liking it so far my love?" You looked over to Suho who had asked you the question before smiling at him. "I'm loving it." You told him honestly. The two of you were in a restaurant on the outskirts of town called The Blue Palace. It was a high-end restaurant that had you cringing the first time Suho took you here and you saw the prices. Although Suho had soon told you that money wasn't a big issue for him you still felt bad. You weren't dating Suho because of his money or the connections he or his family has. You were with him because you loved him. The Blue Palace was the kind of restaurant Suho took you to on only very special occasions. The first time was on your first date, the second being valentine's day, the third was your birthday, and now it was because it was Christmas. You loved all the effort that Suho puts in to making sure you know he cares about you, whether it was something as big as this or something as small as making you soup when you were sick, or giving you back rubs when you can't fall asleep, or when he puts socks on your feet in the middle of the night so your feet won't get cold. You loved it all. And of course, you made sure to show him that you loved and cared for him as well. You made him breakfast every morning and had a packed lunch for him to take to work every day. You did his laundry and ironed his work suits so that was he looked good for work every morning. You kissed him goodbye every morning before he left for work and greeted him as soon as he got home, always having a nice hot meal for him when he got back. A lot of these things seemed to be a bit old school but it's how you showed him that you cared for him, it's how the people at his work know that he was loved at home and that he had a good life. Out of all the things that Suho would do for you, a few domestic things here and there wouldn't kill you. And it's not as though that was all you did either. You had a successful job as an interior designer while Suho was the head doctor to a hospital that he himself owned. Although when you two first met you two had barley started college, meeting at some after party after winning a basketball game. And believe it or not, the two of you hated each other at first. He was the rich kid who came from a wealthy background while you were the girl who had jumped from house to house as a kid and sometimes had to live on the street until you got a student loan and started living in the dorms on campus. You had a rough life and were a rebel while he had it easy but was also a rebel. Perhaps it was the rebellious side the two of you had that made you two so perfect for each other in the end. "Would you like to dance before we have diner?" Suho asked as he held out his hand for you to take. You smiled graciously as you took his offered hand. "Why I'd love to." You said in an overly posh voice, smiling as he led you to the middle of the dance floor where they were just starting the Waltz. Hand in hand Suho took the lead and glided across the dancefloor with you. Spinning and dipping when the time called for it but dancing just as elegantly as ever. You never would have pictured yourself like this if this was a few years ago. You were unsophisticated and most definitely not a lady of any kind, especially with a mouth and attitude like yours. Suho was the one who taught you how to dance and be more proper, despite having an attitude nearly as bad as yours. You both blamed it on the way you both were raised and molded from the people around you but none the less, the two of you were like cat and mouse at first sight and it took a lot of effort from both of you to make what you had work, that's probably another reason why you two were so great for each other. "Have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight?" Suho asked as the tempo of the music changed to an even slower tune. You wrapped both hands around his neck as you two began to slow dance. "Only about a hundred times tonight Suho." You said as you smiled. "Then now it's one hundred and one. You look stunning y/n." He said as he kissed you in the middle of the dancefloor, not caring about the amount of people that were surrounding you both and watching you as you danced and now kissed. You smiled up at him after he pulled away. "Thank you darling, you look handsome tonight as well. As a matter of fact, I'm actually quite jealous of the way some of the women here are looking at you." You said as you took a glance around, frowning at all the hungry stares some of these cougars were giving your man. "You don't have to worry about them, tonight I'm all yours. Tonight, and forever." "Tonight, and always?" "Always." After a few more dances you and Suho decided that you’d had enough dancing for now and made your way to your table. Not even a minute later did a waitress and waiter show up by your side. "Hello and welcome to the Blue Palace, may we offer you a bottle of one of our finest wine to get you started?" The waitress said as a man next to her showed off the bottle of red wine. Suho looked at you for a moment, silently asking if this was okay with you. You gave him a happy nod. "Yes please, may we also get your soup of the day to get us started and the shrimp alfredo pasta for my lovely lady and the steak with grilled shrimp for myself as our main course?" Suho said, ordering for the both of you. It was the same thing you got every time, so of course he knew just what you'd want. "Of course, sir, right away." The waitress said before taking her leave. The two of you made small talk as you both waited for your food to come. You had talked for hours all night about anything and everything. Even though you two had known each other for so long there were still stories that you two haven't had the chance to share just yet so there was always something for the two of you to talk about, sometimes even recalling fond memories the two of you shared. There was so much history between the two of you now that you were sure that nothing would ever be able to pull you two apart. There would never be another Suho for you and there would never be another you for Suho. You were it for each other. "Are you ready to go home now? It's getting rather late don’t you think?" Suho asked as looked at his watch. It was 23:37 now, almost midnight, and you still had about another hour drive till you made it back home. You nodded your head and you pushed your chair back and stood up, Suho following suit. "Go wait by the front door, I'll go get our coats." Suho said while you nodded. You were waiting for no longer than five minutes before you saw him coming back with both of your coats. He was only a few feet away when he was stopped by some red head that clung to his arm like her life depended on it. "Suho, darling, it's been years since I've seen you last. Whatever are you doing here? You're not alone are you? Because if you are I can keep you company." You frowned at the nerve of this bitch. Just who the hell did she think she was? Suho frowned at the contact she made with him and merely brushed off her fingers from his arm. "Sorry Yui, I actually did come here with someone, and as for not seeing you for the past few years, it's because of her. You see after meeting y/n, whose right there by the way." He gestured to you, "I wanted to cut off our engagement, after all it was an arranged engagement, not true love. I cut off what we had and asked out y/n right away, knowing that I no longer had any obligation to be loyal to my supposed fiancé who wasn't so courteous as to show me the same respect, seeing as you went through just about half the college campus back then. So as for you keeping me company, I'm going to have to decline because, you see, my wife is just simply a hundred times hotter than you, and I'd much rather have her company than a dogs company." He said before walking up to you and helping you put on your jacket. You couldn't stop the shit eating grin on your face as you heard the red head screech before stomping away. "I can't believe that was Yui, she had blonde hair the last time I saw her. No wonder I didn't recognize her as your ex fiancé." You said before you took his offered arm and began making your way to the front door and waited for the valet to come with the car. All Suho did was shrug his shoulders. "I could honestly care less about her." Your grin got bigger at his words. "Yes, I could tell, considering the way you basically just told her to shove off. It was actually quite entertaining to see her face turn as red as her hair." Suho frowned. "That was an atrocious shade, I don’t know why she picked it." He said just as the valet returned with the car, he held the passenger door open for you, waiting on you to get in. You laughed at his words, the Suho you knew and loved the most was the rebellious man who spoke his mind, not giving a damn about what anyone else said or thought. Oh yes, you truly loved this man. Every side of him.

#12 days with EXO #12 days of christmas #suho #exo #exo's suho #exo kpop #kpop #love #romance #fluffy #all ages #dinner #christmas dinner

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livingcorner · 3 years ago

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How to Make a Crystal Garden for a Science Project@|how to grow your own crystal garden@|https://images.saymedia-content.com/.image/t_share/MTc0Mzk0MDExMTkxMDkyNTg0/how-to-make-a-crystal-garden.jpg@|0

Just a geeky mom who loves to share science with her kids. She teaches how to do simple science experiments that anyone can do from home.

Easy instructions to make a salt crystal garden

You're reading: How to Make a Crystal Garden for a Science Project@|how to grow your own crystal garden@|https://images.saymedia-content.com/.image/t_share/MTc0Mzk0MDExMTkxMDkyNTg0/how-to-make-a-crystal-garden.jpg@|0

I was recently introduced to growing a salt crystal garden by a friend of mine. She had beautiful cauliflower-like blooms growing in a dish on her countertop. Once I saw it, I decided that it was a must-do project for the kids and me. I had most of the items I needed to grow the garden lying around the house, and the time spent to make it was minimal. It is so easy, but yet so satisfying to watch the crystals in the garden grow.

This would be great for kids looking for a science fair project, but even without the science fair, it’s fun. My kids were mesmerized by the growing crystals and seeing how they changed each day. So without further ado, here are instructions on how to make your own salt crystal garden.

Supplies

Salt

Ammonia

Mrs. Stewarts Bluing (find this in the laundry section of the store)

Warm Water

Sponges

Container to grow crystals (glass or plastic work well)

Food Coloring (optional)

Instructions

Day One

Wet the sponges and squeeze them out. Next, cut the sponge into small sections that are about an inch or two big. Then place the individual sponge pieces into the container you’ll use to grow your garden. It depends on the size of your container how many pieces you use. Our containers each had one sponge in them. We tried to get creative with the building the base of our garden, but to be honest, the gardens with sponges stacked on each other took longer for the crystals to form. Crystals still grew, but the results were a bit slower.

Sponges arranged in the plastic container.

Next, for each crystal garden take 2 tablespoons of salt, ammonia, liquid bluing, and warm water and combine them in a measuring cup. Stir until you can no longer get the salt to dissolve. All of the salt won’t dissolve, so don’t try. Just mix it until you feel it’s as dissolved as it’s going to get.

After the solution is combined, pour it over the sponges. When you get to the mucky blue salt at the bottom, drop it on top each of the sponges. Make sure to use all of the mixture.

Sponges waiting for crystals to form.

If you’d like to use food coloring, now is the time. A few drops here and there on top of the salt blobs will suffice. We found that blue worked best. Green turned teal blue, and red and yellow really didn’t leave a color at all. If you don’t use food coloring the crystals will be white which is quite stunning.

I’m not exaggerating when I say the crystals will begin blooming within the hour. The overnight results are amazing.

Crystals beginning to bloom after just a couple of hours.

Crystal Garden in the morning. Only 10 hours after starting.

Day Two

Add two more tablespoons of salt to the places on the sponges that crystals didn’t form. The crystals will continue to form throughout the day.

Day Three and Beyond

Prepare a half batch of the original mixture and pour it into the bottom of the container. This is the food that will keep the crystals blooming. You can continue to add the mixture every few days and your crystal garden will grow for in infinite amount of time. Ours grew for over 3 months until we decided we our needed the counter space back.

The crystal garden is growing up the sides of the container.

Crystal Garden Hints and Tips

The crystals are very fragile. They will collapse if you touch them. They may collapse when you move them. No worries though, they will grow back when you “feed” your garden.

You can add food coloring at any time, but it will dissolve your crystals. The good news is they will grow again each time you add more of the ammonia, salt, bluing mixture.

Ammonia is not needed to get the crystals to grow. It actually just aids in the evaporation process. Leave ammonia out if you wish, but realize it will take longer for the crystals to form.

After days of feeding your garden it may begin to try to escape your original container by growing up the sides. That’s ok, just put the container inside a larger container like a cake pan.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with the crystals. After months of feeding the crystals we tried to kill them off by just adding water, instead of the solution. Guess what, they still grew back for days.

Any porous substance can be used instead of sponges; charcoal or lava rock would make a good substitution.

Air needs to flow freely around the crystal garden for it to grow, so don’t cover it up.

Put food coloring in different places to have both white and blue flowering crystals.

The Science Behind the Crystal Garden

Definitions

Read more: How to make a living wall – an easy step by step to DIY your own living wall system@|how to make a green wall garden@|https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/YZYpqoj72ggrEjU3MUf9p5-1200-80.jpg@|0

Soluble – easily dissolved, especially in water.

Crystalize – to change from a liquid to a solid form that is made up of crystals.

Evaporation – to change from a liquid state to a gaseous state.

Colloidal Suspension – A substance where the particles of the solution are mixed, but they are not dissolved.

Porous Substance – Any substance having small spaces or holes through which air or liquid may pass.

Capillary action – The ability for liquid to travel through small spaces without the help of forces like gravity.

A month later and this crystal garden is still blooming.

Now that you know the science terms here’s how they apply to the salt crystal garden. First off, salt is a soluble crystal, therefore, it’s a crystal that can be dissolved in water. In any salt and water solution when the liquid evaporates the salt will crystalize. Think of a saltwater fish tank, in all saltwater fish tanks a white powdery crystal substance can be found at the top. This is because water in the tank has dissolved leaving salt crystals at the top of tank. You can test this for yourself by dissolving 1 teaspoon of salt in one cup of hot water. After a few days, some of the water will evaporate and white crystals will form at the point where the water originally started.

Your crystal garden will start to look like cauliflower if you don’t feed it for a several days. It’s still pretty.

In the recipe for the crystal garden large amounts of salt are added in proportion to the amount of liquid. You can see this just from the fact that when mixed it is impossible to get all of the salt to dissolve.

Because there is so little liquid, the crystals will form quickly. The Mrs. Stewarts bluing acts as a colloidal suspension in the mixture. Since the bluing particles are not dissolved, they form the nucleus of the crystals and allow the salt garden to bloom around it rather than form chunky solid salt crystals.

As mentioned earlier, the ammonia aids in rapid evaporation. It not only evaporates quickly, but it also helps the water and liquid bluing to evaporate quickly.

On day three and beyond you should add the mixture to the bottom of the container. This helps keep the crystals from being disturbed. Because the sponges are porous, the mixture will be drawn up through the sponges by capillary action. This feeds the crystals, and keeps them growing for months as long as you remember to feed them. If you don’t feed them, the crystals stay for a while, but their appearance changes dramatically.

So whether you are planning your next science project, or just want to have fun growing a crystal garden this project is a must try.

What are you waiting for? Start your crystal garden today!

Comments

Shellie on July 27, 2020:

Can the crystals be preserved or “sealed” somehow without damage? Example: epoxy, laquer, glue, etc…

Jahra. on March 15, 2020:

Another set of questions:

Can I use some other blueing product other than Mrs Stewart’s ?

Does the blueing affect the coloring of the crystals ?

What’ll happen if I don’t put blueing in the solution ?

Is it possible to keep the crystals as they are without having to feed them over and over again ?

Can transparent liquid resin be poured on the garden to add a protective layer ?

Jahra on March 14, 2020:

Hi ! May I ask what salt have you used ? And which section of the grocery store do you find ammonia ?

grant on March 01, 2018:

so is there a different way to add, do you have to mix the salt together

Kathy Hull (author) from Bloomington, Illinois on May 04, 2016:

I got Mrs. Stewarts Blueing at my local grocery store, but they also sell it on Amazon.

Jeffery on May 03, 2016:

Agreed with Jeff .

jeff on May 03, 2016:

Read more: 6 things to think about before preparing a raised bed garden@|how to prepare a raised garden bed@|https://i0.wp.com/savvygardening.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/raised-bed.jpg?fit=657%2C360&ssl=1@|0

WHERE CAN U GET MRS STEWARTS BLUEING DUDE!! THEY DO NOT SELL IT ANYMORE !!

Glenn Stok from Long Island, NY on August 03, 2015:

This is great. I actually remember doing this when I was a kid. But then again, I always played around with experiments similar to this at that age.

I have a friend who has a nine year old daughter and I’m passing this hub on to her. I think her daughter will love it. And it’s a great learning process too.

Kathy Hull (author) from Bloomington, Illinois on June 27, 2015:

I don’t see why not, I actually think it would turn out pretty cool in an aquarium.

Susan Britton from Ontario, Canada on June 27, 2015:

Would this work in an empty aquarium. I have 2 that I dont want fish in anymore? I love this idea.

Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on June 25, 2015:

I vaguely recall doing something similar when I was a kid. I’m definitely passing this along for the grandkids to try.

But, I’ll have to wait until later; for some reason, all the various share buttons and not visible on this little notebook computer.

Voted up +++ Congrats on the EC

Vic Dillinger on June 25, 2015:

What a fun article!

Karen A Szklany from New England on June 25, 2015:

Thank you for reviving my interest in this project. I’ve known about it and haven’t done it with my daughter yet. Will try it today.

It was very useful to know that I could leave out the ammonia. Not a fan of the stuff, so we can be patient about the evaporation process. Can’t wait to do it….may wait for her friend to come and each of them can make one.

Venkatachari M from Hyderabad, India on June 24, 2015:

Awesome idea of growing artificial gardens in your home. It is very interesting and exciting too even for grown ups, not to mention children.

Thanks for sharing it. Voted up and awesome and sharing G+

Rota on June 24, 2015:

Love this! Something really different to do and watch grow

Factable News from Lagos on June 24, 2015:

Lovely and nice, maybe i should try it out .

FlourishAnyway from USA on June 16, 2015:

This seems like a cool summer science project to do with the kids. Graf hub! Voted up and more!

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Blog

source https://livingcorner.com.au/how-to-make-a-crystal-garden-for-a-science-projecthow-to-grow-your-own-crystal-gardenhttps-images-saymedia-content-com-image-t_share-mtc0mzk0mdexmtkxmdkyntg0-how-to-make-a-crystal-garden-j/

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thedappleddragon · 4 years ago

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haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go.

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever. another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily

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tyzerman91 · 7 years ago

Text

Dirty Laundry

Request: Can I ask for Sidney Crosby ? where you guys got married have one lovely boy and everything going good till Sid accidentally cheat and you want to divorce (during that you also found out you will have baby girl) then you guys make up please ? Ps. I dont know how can you be so good at writing but im appreciate it😍💗

A/N: Ok, this didn’t turn out exactly as requested. (Ish) I won’t say much because I don’t want to give it away. But I think It works. Also, I love you guys.

Word Count: 1401

Warnings: Pregnancy, cheating, probably curse words? (I really don’t know anymore)

Up Next: Jamie Benn (There’s three. Two requested and one was a request from my best friend...that one might be pushed back.)

You'd been together since you were 20. Six years later he proposed. Three wonderful years of marriage and a beautiful son later, he did this.

You didn't know how he could do something so horrible. Not after 9 years of being together. 9 Years of making the distance work. The fans. The puck bunnies. Not once did he ever stray. And now? It's like he just threw everything away.

He probably would have gotten away with it too. That’s the kicker. But you just happened to pick up the laundry from the floor to put it in the hamper for the cleaning lady. Pink lipstick on the collar of his dress shirt. Pink. You hadn’t worn pink since before high school. You didn’t even own a shade of red light enough to be passed off as a dark pink. No, it was someone else’s. And the perfume. You almost gagged at the smell. It was almost worth burning the shirt. The smell might never come out.

But you didn’t you calmly picked up the shirt and put it on the bed. You called Phil and asked him to take Patrick for the day. He agreed and didn’t ask questions. It wasn't unusual for the team to take Patrick for a few hours. They loved the boy almost as much as you did.

Then you waited. You didn’t know what you would do afterward. But there was no way you could stay with Sid. Not now. Because you wouldn’t have even know about his cheating if you didn’t do something out of the ordinary and pick up the dirty laundry. Who’s to tell how many others there were. Your entire relationship was a lie.

You were sick. You wanted to throw up and it had nothing to do with the fact that you were pregnant. No, that just made the whole situation that much worse. Now you would be a single mother of two.

“Babe, Phil said you called him to take Patrick. Is everything OK?” Sidney says. You hear his bag hit the floor and keys being tossed on the table by the entranceway. “Babe?”

You don’t respond. It might take a while, but he’ll find you. There are only so many rooms you could be in. Your car was in the driveway so he knew you were home. You listen to his footsteps. You can feel the tears welling up the closer he got.

“Babe, didn’t you hear me calling?” He asks walking into the room. You don’t make any move to look at him, your eyes focused down to the shirt in your hands. “(Y/N)?”

“How long?” You ask your voice a whisper. “What?” He asks. “How long Sidney? How long did you- how long has it been going on? A year? Two? Before Patrick? The entire time we’ve been together?” You’re not shouting. You’re calm. “Just be honest for once in your life.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about? Are you drunk?” He’s defensive. But you expected it.

“I want a divorce.” You say. Your voice is final, no room for argument. You stand up, the shirt still in your hands. “I want a divorce. I don't want your money and we can work out custody of Patrick.”

“What are you talking about. We’re not getting a divorce.” Sidney shakes his head. You hand him the shirt.

“I want a divorce.” With that, you walk of the room. You’re shaking. A million thoughts running through your head. Your family is back in Canada. You have no one here who isn’t also close with Sid.

You make it to the living room and sit on the sofa. You really don’t know what to do. You don’t have anywhere to go. Unless you go all the way back to Canada. You were so engrossed in your thoughts. Of what you were going to do that you didn’t hear Sidney come back down the stairs.

“I’m not letting you go. I won’t give you a divorce.” He says. “You don’t get to make that decision, Sidney.” “No. You’re going to hear me out.” He says sitting down beside you. You shift, ever so slightly, so there are a few inches of space between you. Sid sighs. “(Y/N).”

“I’ll listen to whatever it is that you want to say. But that’s it. After I want this to be over.”

“Once.” He says quietly with his head down. “One time. Last week. At the bar after the game.”

“Classy.” You say disgusted.

“We were all pretty hammered. It was just before closing time. She walked up. Clearly a fan. She asked for a photo. I agreed. But she was too touchy. She kissed my neck, then my lips.” Sidney's voice was monotone. Like a robot recalling events. Your heart was breaking more and more. You really didn't want to hear any of this. “I realized what was happened and pushed her away. I called a cab and came home. You were already asleep. I showered and scrubbed my skin until it was red. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to wake you. So, instead, I got in bed and fell asleep.”

You are quiet. You don’t really know what to say.

“By morning I didn’t seem like something that important. I forgot about it.” He says. You can see tears forming in his eyes.

“But it is important.” You stress. “If I was out and some guy came up and kissed me you’d-“ “I’d kill him.” Sid cuts you off. “Want to know.” You finish. You both get quiet. You know you’re not going anywhere. You probably wouldn’t have anyway, you love him too much. You and Sid sit in silence for what seems like hours before he breaks it.

“Would you really have left?” He asks, his voice breaking. “Without telling me?” “I did tell you.” You say. “No, you didn’t.” He says. “I found it.”

“What? Found what?” You ask. As soon as the words leave your mouth you know what he’s talking about. “The pregnancy test. Or rather tests.” His voice is soft. The first tears have fell. “Were you really going to leave, file for a divorce that I would never give you, mind you, all while you were pregnant?” “Yes, because it wasn’t what was best for me or you, but for the children.” You say only half believing the words leaving your mouth. “OK, no I wouldn’t have. I would have told you about her.”

“We’re having a girl?” His eyes brighten. He gets eye level with your stomach. “Hi Princess, I’m very excited to meet you. Daddy wasn’t careful and hurt Mommy. But he’s going to be more careful around fans. No more crazy fans trying to kiss him. He’s not going anywhere without Mommy.”

“Sid, you do know the baby can’t hear you? And it’s too early to tell if it’s a girl or boy? I just said her, I don’t know.” You laugh. “It’s a girl, I can feel it.” He said matter of factly. “You know. I won’t ever let you leave me, right?”

You turn to look at him.

“Like, never. Even if I have to kidnap you and lock you in the house. You’re never going to be allowed to leave me. I wouldn’t survive you walking out.” Sid says in all seriousness. “And I’m never going to let anything happen like that night at the bar ever again.”

“Sid.” You say.

“No, (Y/N). I’m telling you. I love you too much. I’d never willingly cheat. Never. You have to believe me.” “I believe you.” You say moving to be closer to him. “It’s just hormones, you know. Because I’m pregnant. I jumped to conclusions, and I’m sorry.” “No, I’m sorry for not telling you right away.” He nuzzles your neck. “But we won’t have to worry about that ever again. Because from now on, I’m never going anywhere without you. I’m going to be stuck to you like glue.”

“Babe,” You say. “What about games?”

He looks up at you. His plan ruined.

“I’ll talk to Mike. You can sit the bench.” He looks proud of himself. “Pregnant, with all the danger?” You fake horror. “No. Absolutely not. You will sit in the players' suite until I come get you.” He backtracks. “With a team of security. My Queen and Princess deserve nothing less.”

#sidney crosby #sidney crosby imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagines #pittsburg penguins #request #anonymous

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twistedesire · 4 years ago

Audio

How a Heart Can Shatter

Once upon a time I fell in love With a man i deemed "The one" He was shy and sweet And awkward Just like me I trusted him very much For he was no ordinary man to me He was my first love And now, i fear, my last All i knew of men Was endowed to me by him He was a liar A deceiver And still i endured through many red flags He blocked doorways Stole away my ability to cry for help Trap me in ways with words That made my emotions my very prison I prayed i was not the only one The only girl he hurt But the further i searched the more i realized I'm alone And forever i'll remain as such You see, i'll never fall in love again Who would want a rapist pedophiles trash Who would shoulder my burdens he left me in No one You see I loved a man who admitted to me after 8 years he was looking at children sexually Delving into the confines of his own mind As to why a man would touch him as a boy I thought i could save him Figured time and space would save us from ourselves Instead it drew the poisoned blade of betrayal further into my chest And i'm the barer of the hilt I thought that if we ran off together Like a magical love story Away from the judgement Away from the hate But i could never run from myself The scars on my heart do fester still Every time i gaze upon his pictures They swell up with the deceitful infection he truly is He moved on so fast 8 years Less than a week it took for him to move on And the more i knew of his inability to control himself The more i waited in silence I waited for my friends For any family that truly cared Liar Shit novel apologist Cyber bully Bitch Rude Pity Party Finger pointer I own my lumps The pills do swell in my throat now And i can't comprehend to communicate any further Because how can one speak when all she hears is a cold deadly silence Filled with the echoes of loved ones a girl would die for Only to know that my love cannot be returned How all i needed was a simply hug A gesture of kindness A form of attention to at least show that i know i hurt But i have done what it took to be better Isn't that how justice works? I do wrong I apologize meaningfully Show the change with actions alone Only to see that even though i am human And i make mistakes That i am not allowed to act upon my emotions Dont feel sad Dont get angry Im not feeling anything friend I am nothing... I do not ask for pity I do not ask for sympathy I plead and grovel and beg for your ability to just read my words Know my pain is real And i plead Upon the line that is my life That you belief the words i am about to say Joseph Bass Once a man i loved with all my heart and soul You raped me You cheated on me You lied to me so so so much You robbed me You hurt me You drugged me And now all i can simply say is Thank you Thank you for being the final nail in the coffer I don't need your attention anymore I dont need anyone Or thing I dont need to exist I now can leave this plane of existence Knowing there is worse things in life Than simply death itself That although i drown in my emotions tonight And maybe even more inside my mind And maybe drown physically too I let you go Finally i let you go in my soul I burned your name on a piece of parchment paper With all the reasons i couldn't forgive you And i burned my hand in return I drowned you out of my head When i tried to breathe aquatic air And as i lay sputtering out The liquid that i desperately tried to replace in my lungs From the screams of internal pain of your betrayal I realized I could lay here and die And no one would come save me No one cared.... That the only way a person who truly cared were to know my name anymore Was in a report in a social media group I do not hold a bitter heart I do not speak in spite In fact tears do stream from my eyes tonight As i pick at the few pieces of what hope in humanity i had left The fact that i was even alive I do not comprehend I kept imagining it inside my mind Almost with an empty smile That you never loved me All the times you grabbed me And begged me "please dont cheat on me" As i simply left to lose the weight you complained Got in the way of your fantasies of what you dreamed a woman for you could be You made me feel like if i didn't learn Didn't flourish Didn't grow That i was the perfect one for you In proving in doing nothing Living dead inside That i was proving to you my loyalties As a faithful and honest woman You broke me in ways i wish i could consume cyanide upon And although i do not blame a soul for my pain I give recognition i hurt too That i am human And i feel pain too That empathy is a curse More than a gift And i may make it worse By falling further into darkness That one day i'll see you Face to face And i'll look you in those eyes i compared to "Eyes of a warrior of earth and fire" Only to speak from mine of "I wish i died before i met you" Because my heart has been broken For the first and last time i'll ever permit it And although i was just a token For you to just simply keep I want you to know You broke the true light in me 8 years And i was the other girl You lusted for a youthful girl Children were not innocent anymore Neither am i Virginity was never my chastity belt My ability to pretend i did not know My ability to act as if their is no evil That my super powers to love beyond all my being Were taken from me in ways that help the dirt upon my coffin splatter harder And when you let me down one last time Please i beg of you Do not leave a rose A letter of love Do not come to see my body that i mutilated Because i wanted to prove to myself That i can only hurt me now That i screamed "i loved you" inside my mind Only to know the words that were spoken upon my lips Were those of all that hurt me in my heart Broke me till i became heartless That you had no respect for even your new mistress And that's what helped me move on And when the day comes If i make it to that day I wanted you to know Thank you anyways For the bloodied sheets The vericrose veins The inability To truly help me The lies you instilled into my drug addled brain And the fact you killed the my inner child that was my last line to be sane And as i lose myself To a darkness i may no return I hope you know that, yes I secretly wanted you to spurn My anger internalized Into bruises upon my own arms and face I can scratch myself till i bleed now And bite till a mere tattoo And all i ask of as a final wish upon my death My love for you Was it worth all this Lying so much that you tainted an already shattered heart That when you deceived me The true betrayal was that i finally felt whole Only to see that it was all an illusion That all i am to you was a concubine to satisfy your affections And when i simply asked in return was for your protection That you too cast me away in ways and words That broke me I finally learned to hurt me by choking myself till i cant see And when i sputter for air and i cry and internally scream I know that i am in a darkness so black That shadows have come for to take my soul back Take me away to another world Take me away from here Take me away from the pain So i dont feel again That when you finally feel any emotion That deems you human Such as true sadness and pain I want to ask you "Does it hurt? Do you want the pain to stop?" Because when i begged you the same You simply replied "No, it feels good" That the moment i came to the realization That my pain had brought you pleasure I realized In the pit of my stomach You did not love me And that to me was rape That as i asked and state "owe stop it hurt" and you replied with your cold cruel callous words I broke off inside my mind To a land of the divine That god needs me now And i dont belong here anymore That apparently it took me to be raped to grow And i dont want to be here In a world of such cruelty Because even as the tears trickle to puddles at my feet I'd rather simply end me So i dont have to ever be seen I tried to do better But i stood up for myself I thought i was finally being brave Instead i was hurting loved ones Without even trying And my anger burned Because it felt like that that was all i was to others A friendly face A giving soul A generous person a smile to ensure your happiness And when you ended it with words such as "i love you as a friend" i knew you did not care any more That you were held back by people who i did not love you either That inside my mind All i can remember is your smiling face And now Every smile is a lie Every human who wants to interact wants something And every face that once meant so much Is now the reason i don't long for another human touch That i lay awake at night Thinking of the things you did to me And how it violates my being And i wish a thousand ways to die to simply end me And tears sting upon my skin And they burn inside my eyes And i am now i realize i the 8th sin One that burns with an endless fire One of immortal pain A twisted desire All it took was one To break a damsel to be a dragon And when you run to another Or get rejected time and time again Remember the woman who filled your fridge Who cleaned your laundry properly Who scrubbed your dishes spic and span Who folded your underwear that special way you like Who rubbed your feet and massaged your back Who helped you up when you could no longer bend straight Who directed you when you were lost Who gave her everything to be your other half Only for her to realize that i was 100% of the connection And all i asked for was my 50% of your simple affection And as my eyes watered up Asking in a voice that croaked "i think i want to die" When you ignored me I just simply broke When you shielded yourself with others While i knew i had no one And all i can think of is of my own mother And how i had to disown Because she is older now And her task is done She raised a woman And i have my own beautiful home That may end as a tomb But i love you mother Friends and family I was just trying to stick up for me And blew up in rage And i apologize for being greedy All i wanted was your affection I know it was very needy I cut out my gluttonous addictions And im sorry i was so prideful Pompous upon my beleif That i did nothing wrong For how you all reacted to me And now i see it and the pain does burn That if i finally quit Its only me i spurn That im so alone that im already dead inside And now im trapped in my home And i feel nothing Even if i am alive That i could be a ghost Wandering around an already empty apartment And what hurts the most Is would anybody even notice?

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d-noona · 6 years ago

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The Make Over

SUMMARY: When Y/N L/N transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Y/N to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Auth Note: It's good to be back.

Chapter 07 - Fairy God Mommy

After that nothing could have made Y/N happy, not even when Mrs. Jung returned with her still apologetic mother in tow. Amazingly, Y/M/N was thrilled by the idea of becoming Mrs Jung's cleaner, then estatic when Hoseok explained his refinancing offer.

"Isn't that wonderful news Y/N?" Her mother exclaimed. "Now we wont have to have a stranger in the house. And you'll have money for yourself for a change."

Y/N smiled and said yes, it was wonderful. She smiled all through lunch and laughed when the four of them moved Mrs Jung's living room furniture to new spots, then have to move everything back again to their original places when the end result did not please Mrs Jung's creative eye.

No one would have guessed how wretched Y/N felt. She was a past master at hiding her feelings, especially around Hoseok. But her heart grew heavier as the hours passed. By afternoon tea, she was exhausted with the emotional strain of pretending to be bright and breezy when inside she was shattered. Hoseok's getting back with Tinashe the following Sunday was the final straw.

His eagerness for their reconciliation had been palpable, his body language reeking of sexual frustration as he'd spoken of his time away from Tinashe. He could not wait to jump back into bed with her. Y/N could no longer fool herself. Any attention he'd been giving her had been the result of his boredom, not because of any suddenly selfless maturity.

"You won't forget about the refinancing," she reminded him stiffly when it came time for them to leave.

"Not at all. In fact, your mom is going to provide me the relevant papers this very afternoon. I'll collect them shortly, Y/M/N, and have Sejin get onto it first thing this week, then I'll bring up whatever needs to be signed next Saturday." As Hoseok elaborates what he plans to have his secretary do.

"You coming home next Saturday, are you?" Y/N asked with a weary resignation. Normally, the thought of Hobi being around thrilled her to pieces. Now there was no pleasure in the news, only the cynical thought that of course he was coming home. Had nothing better to do till Sunday, did he?

"Yes, I've been invited to speak at a local business awards dinner on Saturday night. I'm also presenting the prizes" he says.

"How nice." Y/N answers blandly.

"Why dont you take Y/N, Hoseok?" His mother suggested. "The invitation says "and partner"."

Hoseok's instant frown was enough to turn Y/N off the idea, despite her stupid heart giving one last feeble leap. His eyes turned her way then travelled slowly over her. She could actually see his brain ticking away. Dear old Y/N doesn't look half bad now. She wouldn't be an embarrassment to take, not like she would have been a week ago.

"Would you like to go?" He asked her. "It's a black tie, so you'll need a dinner dress."

Y/N steeled herself to do the one thing she'd thought she would never do. Reject the man she loved. "Thank you Hobi," she said with superb indifference, "but I have other plans for next Saturday night."

His brown eyes instantly clouded a small stab of triumph lifted her spirits momentarily, quickly followed by a much stab of despair. Tears threatened and she just had to get out of there. Panic had her glancing around for her mother. "Ready to go home Mum?" She asked, determined to keep up the false gaiety to the bitter end. "I have quite a bit to do before the working week starts tomorrow."

"My working week starts tomorrow too, doesn't it Mrs Jung?" Y/M/N returned happily.

"Indeed it does."

"Thank you so much," Y/M/N went on, clasping her neighbor's hands with her own with rather touching gratitude. "For lunch. And...and everything."

Mrs Jung smiled and patted Y/M/N's hands. "It's I who's grateful. I've found myself a wonderful cleaner and a new friend as well. See you in the morning Mrs Y/L/N."

"And I'll be seeing you later Mrs Y/L/N!" Hoseok called out as Y/N shepherded her mother out of the house. "To get those papers."

"What nice people they are," Y/M/N said on the short way home. "And wasn't it kind of Hoseok to help us out with that money business?"

"Yes, it was." Y/N admitted, but tight-lipped.

A silence descended between the two women as they made their way inside, but Y/N could feel her mother watching her.

"Why didn't you say yes when Hoseok asked you to go out with him?" Y/M/N asked once they were safely alone in the kitchen. "It...it wasn't because of what I said earlier, was it? About not being...well...pretty enough for him? Because that's not true, Y/N. You're plenty pretty enough. And he really likes you. I can see that now. He could hardly take his eyes off you all over lunch, and then later he..."

"Oh Mum, please," Y/N begged. "You don't have to lie. You were right the first time."

"No, darling. I wasn't. I was wrong. Very wrong. And I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself. I was feeling sorry for myself, and I was afraid. Yes, afraid." She repeated when Y/N's eyes widened. "Afraid some man would snap you up, looking as you do now, and I'd be left all alone in this world."

"Oh Mum!" Y/N exclaimed, a burst of very real joy dragging her heart back out of the doldrums. "You've no idea how happy you made me, hearing you say that."

"Do you forgive me for saying those awful things to you, my dear? I didnt mean them, you know."

Y/N couldnt help but relent. "Of course, I forgive you," she said gently. "I love you Mom."

"Oh Y/N," her mother crued, and threw her arms around her daughter.

Unfortunately , it was not the best of time for Y/N to be hugged. Her mother's display of affection tipped her over the edge on which she'd been balancing for several hours, splintering the brittle control which she'd been holding in her misery. Her shoulders began to shake as sobs racked her whole body. "Oh my daughter," her mother groaned, and hugged her even more tightly. "Dont cry, darling. Please dont cry. Oh, you make me feel terrible. If only I hadnt said those awful things, you would have probably gone out with Hoseok when he asked you. It's my fault!"

"No, it isn't," Y/N sniffled when she at last pulled out of her mother's arms. "Hoseok only asked me out because Tinashe's trying to prove some point or other and she's refused to have anything to do with him for a month. But come next Sunday they'll be back together again, as thick as thieves. Who knows? If she plays her cards right he might even ask her to marry him."

"What rubbish!" Her mother pronounced firmly, startling Hyeonji. "Hoseok is not in love with that flashy bit of goods. No man in love with one girl looks at another girl as he looked at you today."

Y/N was dumbfounded. "But I...I didn't notice him looking at me in a special way..."

"But...but..." Y/N stammered.

"NO buts. You said he's not getting back with that Tinashe till Sunday. Make the most of what time you have!" Y/M/N pushed Y/N with both her arms on her waist.

"I was just going to say I dont have anything to wear," Y/N smiled weakly.

"Well, that's easily fixed."

"Would five hundred dollars do?"

"Five hundred! But where?... I mean..." Y/N suprised at her mother.

Y/M/N smiled her pleasure at her daughter's surprise. "You're not the only one who has rainy-day money stashed away, my girl. Come this way."

Y/N followed, fascinated, while her mother led her upstairs and into the master bedroom where she proceeded to lift up the matress and draw out a battered brown paper envelope. She opened the flap and tipped the contents out onto the patchworl quilt. Notes of all sizes fluttered down, mostly fives, tens and twenties.

"I used to hide this is an empty washing powder box in the laundry when your father was alive. But now its safe enough out here. I know there's at least five hundred dollars, maybe more." She gathered the money up and pressed them into Y/N's hands. "I want you to buy yourself a dress which will knock Hoseok's eyes out!"

Y/N hated the wild rush of elation ehich flooded her heart, for she feared she was setting herself up for a disaster of monumental proportions. No matter what her mother said and no matter what dress she brought, how could she seriously compete with Tinashe? It was like comparing a nice little house wine with a top brand french champagne. Tinashe's extravagant self fizzed sparkled. She was special-occassion lady whereas she, was the common, everyday, value for money variety.

When Hoseok looked at her he only ever saw a familiar face. And everyone knew what familiarity bred. Contempt. Never chemistry.

Or was that how he'd seen her in the past? Dared she hoped that her new look had evoked a new appreciation? Y/N had told the truth when she'd said she hadn't notice Hoseok looking at her differently today. But after his news about Tinashe she'd been too upset to notice anything, and had avoided Hoseok's eyes as much as possible.

Could her mother's observations possibly be correct, or was she just trying to make her daughter feel better? She'd been guilty over her earlier less than generous remarks. Y/N didn't want to keep her hopes up. And yet, something was stirring within her soul. Something she'd never felt before. Sometjing rather wicked.

The trouble was...she hadn't read that particular book yet. She would have to depend on her feminine instinct. The front doorbell ringing startled both of them. "That'll be Hoseok," Y/M/N said urgently. "Now drop that money and go down and talk to him while I get those papers he wants. Tell him you've changed your mind about Saturday night, and ask him what time he wants you ready by. Be cool, though. Not overly eager."

Y/N shocked at her mother "Mum, you sneaky thing!"

"Well there is no point in being easy. Any girl who looks as good as you do can play a little hard to get. Besides, men never want what they think they can have, gratis. They like a bit of a challenge."

Y/N went down stairs shaking her head. Who would have believed that within her own shy reserved mother lurked the makings of a femme fatale? Heaven knew what would happen if the Y/L/N widow became a blonde!

Y/N summoned up a pleasant smile to answer the door, resolving to watch this time for any sign that Hoseok looked at her differently in any way.

She didnt actually, because she's never been to an awards dinner. But Y/N had never lacked imagination. Just think of all those times Hobi had made love to her in her mind. Unfortunately, she began thinking of one those times right at this moment. It was her favorite scenario where Hoseok was concerned. He would bring her home to this door after a serious date and there would be much kissing and panting on the front porch. When she finally unlocked the door, he would push her inside, then scoop her up into his arms and carry her upstairs to her room where a three-foot bed was no barrier to true love.

Her mouth dried as she thought of their naked bodies blended tightly, writhing together. Her brown eyes glittered as they began unconsiously to rove over the object of her desire. Before they reach his waist, Y/N swallowed then cleared her throat. "Er...could I possibly change my mind and say yes?"

He stiffened. He actually stiffened. Why?

"Is there a problem with that?" She asked airily, even while her heart was thudding. He stood there frowning at her. The atmosphere on that doorstep was suddenly charged with a quite alien tension. Y/N didnt know what to make of it except that she found herself holding her breath.

"Hobi?" She choked out.

He seemed to have to shake himself to answer her. "No." He muttered. "No problem. I'll look forward to it."

Y/N had to be careful not to let all her breath out of her lungs in a rush. "Fine," she said with a small smile. "Well, where is this dinner and what time should I be ready?"

"Its being held down at the League's Club, in the Admiral's Quarters. The dinner starts at eight. Pre-drinks at seven thirty. I'll pick you up at...say...seven?"

Y/N nodded "I'll be ready. And thanks again for helping us with the finance business."

"My pleasure." He answered.

But it didn't look as if it was his pleasure. Not at all. He hadn't smiled once since she'd opened the door. Y/N could not make head or tail of his mood, except that it was obvious he had mixed feelings about taking her to that dinner.

She prayed his reluctance was because he'd begun to feel things for her which he found confusing, and not because Tinashe might get jealous if she ever found out. Her mother's arrival at that point steered the conversation to a less stressful grounds. Hoseok left a couple of minutes later and as Y/M/N closed the front door she threw Hyeonji a questioning glance. "Well? What happened? You both seemed tense when I came down."

Y/N shrugged. "I don't really know. I told him I changed my mind abiut the dinner, and he agreed to take me, but not with great enthusiasm. To be honest, I think it worried the heck out of him."

"Well that's better than indifference, Y/N."

Nodding her head Y/N agreed "That's what I was thinking."

Y/M/N patted her daughter's back "Only time will tell."

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