#i would politely ask you to check your opinions and reevaluate them

[kavikasharma]

I'm just going to say it, I know it probably wasn't ~intended~ but it is very funny to read the AG books and notice just how clearly sapphic a lot of the girls are. Even if I don't ship them with their best friend (if they had one). But Samantha? Lesbian. Kit? Bi with a preference for girls and in LOVE with Ruthie (who is bi/pan and also in love with her). Addy? She and Sarah Moore are married. The entirety of Kirsten and Singing Bird was sapphic as heck. And don't even get me started on Lesbian Icon Molly McIntire: Emily, her crush on her teacher, lowkey all of the complicated feelings she has about Alison Hargate, Molly is just a ball of lesbian energy. And of course there's Felicity and Elizabeth, who are in love. And those are just the books I've read.

Although, to be fair, the least sapphic feeling ones to me at this point with the material I've seen and read are Rebecca and Josefina. There's not enough conclusive evidence either way haha.

[mshomestyle]

Can I request a Hawks x reader where the reader had a bad childhood where they learned to never speak their opinions and to always be quiet and to never do anything without permission. She also represses all bad things that happen to her and acts like it’s her fault even if it isn’t

This reminds me of another request I’ve done before!

Hawks x a Reader who learned to not speak her opinions [Drabble]:

Things had been going quite well in your relationship with Keigo. He always managed to put a smile on your face and made you feel incredibly loved. It was something that you never really had. A truly warm home to belong to as the one you grew up in was rather strict and cold. Keigo was that warm home, and you hoped to never screw that up.

There was one slight problem, however. And though you knew this going into the relationship, you didn’t think it was going to be as bad as it was. Keigo was always busy. But that was alright. You knew not to say anything and to keep those feelings of loneliness to yourself.

And because you did, Keigo didn’t know how you really felt. In fact, he didn’t know as much about you as he wanted to. He adored you, loved you. You were amazing and so sweet, and he needed someone like you in his life. He didn’t notice, however, that something was up until you moved in together.

“Is it alright if I make breakfast?” you asked him the day after you moved in. Keigo could only chuckle at that harmless question. This was your first time here, so of course you’d be a bit nervous.

“Babe, that is certainly something that you never need to ask me,” he assured in amusement, thinking about how cute and caring you were.

As time passed, however, he began to see that there was more to it then you just being polite and unsure. “I’ll need to stay a bit longer at work today, is that okay?”

“Is it alright if I buy this shirt? I mean, the neckline is a little bit low...”

“The coffee maker broke. Can I buy a new one?”

You’d ask for permission before you did something. Keigo couldn’t help but to want to reevaluate how he was towards you, hoping dearly that he wasn’t being controlling. He usually never told you to do anything or even asked what you were up to. He just wanted you to feel comfortable and do as you pleased.

Then one incident sparked him realizing that he was, indeed, not the problem. He had been working late, having to take care of an incident that happened at a bar. Quickly, he came home in a frenzy, “[Name], you will not believe what just happened! You know that friend of yours you introduced me to last week? She tried to make a move on me!” he said, “You need to drop that bitch.” You looked at him before quickly casting your eyes towards the floor.

“I...I’m sorry,” you told him, which caused your significant other to raise an eyebrow at you, “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have let you get into that situation.” When you said that, Keigo’s mouth nearly dropped.

And after that, things with you became even more concerning. You never complained about a thing, when something bad would happen you’d either blame yourself or act as if everything was okay, and you continued to ask if you could do things. Keigo just had to get to the bottom of things, so one morning when he woke up to you making breakfast, he knew that he had to bring it up.

Going into the kitchen, he noticed you at the stove, making some pancakes. “Good morning,” you softly greeted, “I know I should have asked if I could make pancakes, but-”

“No, no, you shouldn’t have asked. For anything really,” Keigo said. You raised an eyebrow at him, and once he knew that he had your attention, Keigo let out a sigh before continuing, ���Listen, [Name], I don’t know if I’m being a bad partner, if you’re afraid to lose me, or whatever the reason is, but I’m worried about you. You don’t need to ask my permission to do things, and it’s okay to feel sad or angry at times. Also, not everything is your fault. Especially, when I get hit on by other women.” Turning the stove off, you turned around and looked at him, lacing your fingers together a bit timidly.

“I’m so-”

“No, do not apologize, okay?” Keigo said, “I love you, [Name.] And if there’s anything you need or if there’s a problem that you need to work through, I will be there for you, alright?” You looked unsure at his question, though nodded.

“I...I don’t know any other way to be...,” you admitted, which seemed to make Keigo seem a bit more alarmed, “I mean...Shouldn’t I check things with you before I do them? I don’t want you to end up getting mad at me or anything like that...”

“[Name]...When it comes to big things like, moving into a new place, going on vacation, you know, things that require my involvement, then yes, check with me, but don’t ask for permission. Just tell me what you want, and we can discuss it like a real couple,” Keigo assured you, “And if you don’t like my ideas or something I’m doing feel free to tell me that. You can even yell at me if you need to.” You seemed highly reluctant, as if this concept was way too foreign.

“I...”

“I want you to be happy, [Name], alright? Tell me what would make you happy.”

Biting your lip, you looked into Keigo’s eyes. Could you really do this? “W-Well...You’re...,” you wanted to stop, but he was giving you such an encouraging look, “You’re always so busy!” You hadn’t meant to raise your voice, but it just came out. Keigo didn’t seem alarmed at all, though. In fact, he looked rather pleased, “I want to spend some more time with you...If that’s okay?” You looked down once you finished telling him your request, and as you did, Keigo started to chuckle.

“There you go, baby,” he said, before walking over and pulling you into a loving embrace, which shocked you, “If you want more of my company, then you got it.” Pulling away, he kissed your lips softly.

“Wait, you aren’t mad?” you asked.

“No, why would I be?” he shook his head, “I told you I loved you, didn’t I?” As he hugged you tighter, you couldn’t help but to start to tear up. This man was so much more than you could ever ask for.

[astrowithkaro]

hi! i was reading about your language bdays, could i ask about november 17th???

Language Of Birthdays: November 17 - Scorpio

[You can find the rest of the series here; or check out my masterlist]

The Day Of The Bridge

November 17 people are like bridges over troubled water, whether establishing links between opposing points of view, peoples, ideas or interests. The lives of those born on this day can be likened to a crossroads where diverging lines intersect; November 17 people often play a leading role and act as the cement that holds things together. In family, social and professional life they have a good idea how to administer to the smooth running of the group.

Perhaps November 17 people learn to hold things together due to their own cultural or genetic makeup, which is often a mixture of two or more distinct strains. Thus they are living proof that diverse cultures, classes or political entities which seem to be unalterably opposed, can in fact be united. Above all, those born on this day hate squabbling, dissent, divisive tactics and all forms of discrimination.

More highly evolved women born on this day tend to be highly emancipated, and would not trade their independent position for anything. Those women who are relegated to restrictive service roles may need to reevaluate their position and move on, if possible. Men born on this day tend to be rather dominating or aggressive where their opinions are concerned, yet have an understanding of the importance of compromise. Especially in later life they will usually turn an eye to posterity, and concern themselves with their legacy.

November 17 people are not of necessity highly ambitious, but once they occupy a position of importance tend to remain there and resist all efforts to oust them. When called upon to lead others or to defend those in need, they will if necessary scale the heights and do battle with the gods. They must be careful, however, not to become too dependent on the satisfaction derived from handling the concerns of others, otherwise they will surely suffer when they are ignored or no longer needed.

Those born on this day have strongly moral belief systems which can sometimes inhibit their flexibility. Also, they can have problems opening up emotionally on a personal level. Many November 17 people pride themselves on their objectivity and ability to stay calm in the face of adversity and pressure. In order to do so, they master the discipline of blocking out disturbing influences. Thus they may appear aloof and cut off from their fellow human beings.

November 17 people are highly orientated toward the material world and therefore rarely leave themselves in a vulnerable financial position. Their homes tend to be solid, comfortable and neat. Indeed, those born on this day do not leave a whole lot to chance, and must be aware of their tendency to be overly controlling.

Strengths:

Mediating

Helpful

Responsible

Weaknesses:

Overly moral

Aloof

controlling

Advice

Those born on November 17 must (particularly in later life) be mindful of their posture, especially concerning damage or deformation of the skeletal system and middle back. Physiotherapy, chiropractic treatments, massage and acupuncture can be very helpful. Those born on this day tend to be rather stoical about pain, and therefore may ignore chronic ailments. For this reason they should allow for regular physical checkups, including blood tests for possible anemia. Also they can suffer from internalized worry manifesting as an ulcerative condition of the upper (duodenal ulcer) or lower (ulcerative colitis. Crohn's disease) bowel. Dietary care should be taken regarding overly spicy or exotic foods which can aggravate these difficulties. Only limited exercise is recommended for those born on this day. unless they have strong athletic leanings, and then care should be exercised, especially in later life.

Try to keep your heart open; beware of closing yourself off emotionally

Be up front and avoid talking out of earshot

Keep your motives clear

[astroismypassion]

Hi I'm the June 17th birthday. I couldn't respond to your message on Kofi but I am totally fine with you putting my reading on your blog. Thank you for doing your best to work around the messages issue!

Hi!

Thank you for buying me this delicious hot beverage. I drank irish cream black coffee with rice milk while writing your interpretation. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I did writing! I listened to some old George Ezra while writing. ;)

Your dominant planets are: 1. Sun, 2. Jupiter and 3. Pluto. Your dominant signs are: 1. Scorpio, 2. Gemini and 3. Leo. Your main mode is Fixed. You are Water dominant.

FAMILY, SIBLINGS, EARLY LIFE

You have Aquarius IC. You had an unconventional, unique upbringing. Your 4th house is in Aquarius and Pisces. You like to play on your own. Or you created an imaginary world for yourself. Or you could have escaped through music, arts, TV series or film. You were sheltered from what was really going on around you. You might have a hard time establishing healthy boundaries with your family members. They seem to completely merge with you and rely on you emotionally or be completely cold and detached. There were many traditions and superstitions in your family that might have been passed down through generations. If you have any siblings, they are Capricorn, Aquarius or Pisces. In your elementary and high school years you might have been drawing a lot during classes you didn’t find stimulating. Or you daydream often. You were a mature and responsible student. You seemed a lot older than your peers. You might have viewed your schoolmates as weird sometimes, but they viewed you the same back. You might have often asked yourself if you’re the “weird one” or they are. You have Uranus in the 4th house. You may have changed residence or moved around often, even change schools. There were a lot of unpredictable, sudden changes and events in your early life that were hard to control (and to grasp). You have Sun square Moon. Your mother and father have different personalities and traits. They did not agree on the parenting style, how to raise you. They might have had different views. You have Sun conjunct Mercury. Your father emphasized the importance of communication or that you keep good relations with your siblings. This is also a writer’s placements! You can flatter or cut deep with words. You know how to appeal through words and find exactly the right words. You can sometimes think you “feel” words, because some words would be funny to you or have a “weird” sound to it. You might visualize a lot in your mind. Words, think in imagery and pictures and you have a strong, vivid imagination. You have Sun conjunct Mars. He probably met your open emotional expression with resistance.

PARTNERSHIPS AND FRIENDSHIPS Your friends are Pisces, Aries, Cancer, Sagittarius, Libra and Virgo. In your romantic relationships you attract Taurus, Gemini, Leo, Virgo and Aries. You have Taurus Venus in the 7th house. You desire, respect and value (also attract) stable, loyal, stubborn, highly opinionated people. Those who like to debate with you. People that have “go to” phrases and are polite, kind, have good manners. You might easily sense fragile egos, self esteem and weak points of other people. You have Gemini Mars in the 8th house. This is how you take action. How you approach your crush. You like to play mind games a bit, use a bit of world play and double entendre. You like to know everything about them and how their mind works. You wonder how they are thinking, what their thought process is. You like to have shared learning experiences with potential partners or dates where you go to an escape room or take a cooking class together and learn a new skill. You like to constantly evolve, expand and regenerate. You need a mental connection and great mental rapport to introduce physical intimacy into a relationship. You have Aries Moon in the 5th house. You have the potential of a serial dater. You need some passion, excitement and playful energy to get the connection started. But even in the early stages of your love affairs, you need a great deal of emotional comfort. You have to feel safe and secure around the person, like they are your family already. You know what you like and you might cut off people instantly when you notice red flags or just something that you don’t like. You know you can’t save people, so you understand the person needs to help themselves first. Otherwise, they would become another one of your problems. You have Venus sextile Jupiter. You might be very generous when you’re in love. You like to spoil your partner and take them out for dinner often. You might be over generous or over loving. With you money, time, affection, attention, praise and compliments. You have Venus square Uranus. You might like some odd, quirky, hard to figure of people. You are fascinated by those. You might have a long distance relationship at some point. Or you could date your friends or online date. You might even have a platonic connection with someone before it being romantic. You have Venus trine Neptune. You might idealize your partner or they do that to you. You might view them through rose tinted glasses. You are attracted to musicians, artists, singers, creators and people who play instruments.

CAREER, PROFESSIONAL LIFE, PUBLIC IMAGE

You have Pluto in the 2nd house. You fear poverty, homelessness and being hungry. You are very private when it comes to your financial matters. You don’t discuss it openly or ever. It’s a weird topic for you. Sometimes you fear it, it’s like you’re scared of what it can do. You are very passionate about gaining financial stability. Sometimes your dreams scare you or you might think “too big” or see just the bigger picture and forget to focus on the now as well. You have Sagittarius and Capricorn over your 2nd house. You might be over indulgent and flashy when you have money to spend. But with Capricorn there you also work hard for it. You have Leo MC. You might gain recognition for your accomplishments. You could also be attracted to film, theatre, drama, modelling. Or politics, governmental jobs, administration. Even publishing, media, public relations and public affairs. You could be a representative for a company. You might like to post on your social media. But you perfect your image, caption and you check for grammar errors. You like to be seen as creative, funny, healthy, bright and hard working. You have Virgo North Node in the 10th house. This indicates your life purpose. In this lifetime you are called to organise, to establish healthy boundaries with others, routine, daily habits. To take care of your daily duties, responsibilities, your health and even your pets if you have any. If you don’t. You’d benefit from owning a pet greatly, so that it calms down your Virgo mental restlessness. You could work in accounting, counselling, therapy, even health fields, such as nutrition, dietetics, nursing etc. You could be interested in physical and mental wellbeing. You could be into fitness and wellness. You might like communication, publishing, bookkeeping or even library work. You could use your keen eye for details. You have Leo and Virgo over your 10th house. You will shine and be in the spotlight, yet you’ll have to learn humility as well. Sometimes you might feel underappreciated or undervalued by authority figures, such as your parents, mentors, teachers, bosses. You might feel like you are putting much more effort in your responsibilities and work than you get credit for it. You have Aries and Taurus over the 6th house. This means you like a stable job, because it means stable income (Taurus in the 6th, Capricorn in the 2nd). But at some point in your life, you might desire to be your own boss, be self employed or become a businessperson, since it gives you the freedom of expression, expansion you value (Aries in the 6th house, Sagittarius in the 2nd house). You might even do something athletic or sporty daily or even as a part of your job! You have Cancer Mercury in the 8th house. You need to communicate a lot with your intimate partners. You like to think about your family, siblings, your home, your comforts and safety. You like talking about deep, occult and taboo topics. You might entertain the idea of conspiracy theories as well. You have an excellent memory. You can remember scents, colours, how people made you feel like no other. You have a long term memory. You have Mercury square Jupiter. Sometimes you might be a bit judgemental or be prone to overthinking and overanalyzing. You might also read between the lines. You have Mercury sextile Saturn. You have great power and focus to concentrate for long periods of time when you have a tunnel vision.

ADDITIONAL OBSERVATIONS

You have Pluto, Jupiter and Saturn currently transiting your 3rd house. You might spend more time alone and less with your friends, siblings and family members. You might have to work hard daily or commute to another city for work or just travel daily to a different part of the city. You might reevaluate and reconsider, rethink and transform your attitude to the local community, neighbourhood, city, to your siblings, peers, schoolmates. You might meet some new people, some new friends too, when Jupiter enters the scene since it’s a one and a half to two years long transit. You have Scorpio Chiron in the 1st house. You might not like your own name, or there is a visible spot, mark on your face, body that you don’t like. Or you could have been picked on by others for that. You might not like your physical appearance and you’re self conscious about it. You often nit pick it. At some point in life you might have had an identity crisis or just really doubted your personality, ego, self worth, character and traits. You might have been bullied or the power was taken away from you. You often felt powerless. Or scared of your own potential and power. You have Taurus Ceres in the 7th house. This represents how you wish to be nurtured and how you nurture others. You like to cook for them, buy them food, share meals with them and buy them little gifts. You like to listen to them. You might be a therapist for many. I’m sure you received compliments as “you’d be an excellent therapist”. You might empathize with them and really try to understand the other’s perspective and where they are coming from. You like to put yourself in others' shoes. You have Virgo Juno in the 11th house. This indicted your “ideal soulmate”, ideal partner, be it platonic or romantic. You like someone friendly, intelligent, who isn’t afraid to discuss social issues, society and question it all. You like someone who is clean, smells nice and grooms themselves. You like platonic, friendly connections at first. You need a lot of mental simulation. You have Libra Lilith in the 12th house. You might have been accused that you lack ambition. But you just don’t like competition that much or participation in the rat race. You value the inner core and being. You have rich inner workings. You have Leo Part of Fortune in the 9th house. This is where you experience good luck and charm. You might be praised for your views, beliefs, opinions on life. How you choose to constantly expand your horizons. You are at your happiest when you travel, even when you get lost in a good book, TV series or a foreign film. You like to constantly learn something new and you’ll be a life long student.

CHART RULER

Your chart ruler is Pluto. The chart ruler of the 1st house is in the 2nd house. Your ego is directly tied to your self worth, financial status, your talents. You might develop your personality, character, ego, self esteem through 2nd house topics, such as working on your talents and pursuing new skills, earning money and becoming financially independent, self care and developing your own set of values.

HOUSE RULERS

The house ruler of the 1st house is in the 2nd house. The way you look depends on your self-esteem. Life is oriented to discovering personal values and creating self-esteem. Appearance is a source of security issues. The house ruler of the 2nd house is in the 5th house. You use your money for artistic projects. You are possessive of creative projects. Financial security depends upon your personal creativity. The house ruler of the 3rd house is in the 6th house. Daily conversation revolves around work and health. Your mind is oriented to daily life. Thoughts are oriented to daily routine and work. You are curious about diet and nutrition. You have an efficient mind. You take information and organize it. You have an actively curious mind. The house ruler of the 4th house is in the 4th house. You want a home of your own. Private time is spent with family. Home and family bring up strong core feelings, for better or worse. You want a family for the sake of having a family. The house ruler of the 5th house is in the 3rd house. Creative talents and gifts are hidden. Hobbies revolve around the taboo or occult. The house ruler of the 6th house is in the 8th house. The daily work environment must serve your need to form deep relationships. You use your knowledge of diet, nutrition and exercise to help other people transform. You want an intense work environment. The house ruler of the 7th house is in the 7th house. The partner needs to be willing negotiate and cooperate with you. Marriage partners are business partners, business partners are marriage partners. You want to be with someone who is cooperative. You want a partner who is a good negotiator. The house ruler of the 8th house is in the 8th house. You enter sexual relationships for sex. You get emotionally entangled with other people to form deep connections. Your attitude to life and death affects your ability to deeply connect with other people. The house ruler of the 9th house is in the 5th house. You are philosophical about the way you raise children. You find meaning through the creative arts. You like to take romantic getaways. You enjoy the artistic expression of other cultures. Traveling is for leisure and pleasure. The house ruler of the 10th house is in the 8th house. You bring a professional approach to depth psychology. You find your true vocation by exploring occult subjects. Your career revolves around the need for intensity of experience. Your career involves working with other people’s emotional baggage. Your true vocation involves depth interactions with other people. You achieve recognition as a researcher. You receive awards for your work with people on the fringe of society. The house ruler of the 11th house is in the 8th house. You associate with people who are involved in the occult. Your friends have emotional baggage. You keep your group involvements hidden. You don’t talk about your long term hopes and wishes. The house ruler of the 12th house is in the 7th house. Your partner desires to escape from reality as much as you do. You lose your boundaries when it comes to significant relationships. Your grief and sorrow affect your relationships. The desire to escape reality affects your ability to maintain a serious relationship.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Confession time-I have been following your blog for about 3 years now originally to see when you were updating your stories. Well three years ago I didn't really like taylor swift I thought she was selfish amd bitchy, but as I saw you post about her and all the good things she's done and how much shit including myself had been giving her when it wasn't deserved. I thought about my behavior and decided to reevaluate my thoughts about her. I'm now a fan and happy about it. Thank you

^-^

I don’t want to tell people that they can’t not like her music or anything. There are so many people who don’t vibe with anything she makes and that’s fine. I don’t need people forcing themselves to listen to her or anything. Many don’t hate her they just don’t feel what she’s going for and they don’t go on social media saying she’s a shitty artist because that’s how to be mature. I just want her to get fair treatment. 

She’s made blunders. She’s owned up to them in public and private with the people she’s wronged or misjudged. Situations have been handled and she’s grown. She is human and not perfect. But there are honestly so many celebrities doing actual horrible things and their fans will do everything in their power to brush it off. How many abusers and nazis are still making albums and haven’t experienced any real backlash for the things they’ve done and continue to do? They get an article and then it blows over because they’re men.

Taylor sums it up perfectly in her new song “The Man”. If she made all the same decisions and mistakes, but was a man, public perception would be different. She’d be a ‘fearless leader’ and not a ‘domineering bitch’. She’d be ‘business-savvy’ instead of ‘conniving’. She’d be ‘reacting’ instead of ‘overreacting’.

So she’s written songs about her relationships? EVERYONE DOES. Legit she gets the most hate for it though, and everyone just assumes that the song about the Ex is going to be attacking him. Last I checked, Taylor Lautner, Harry Styles, and Tom Hiddleston, didn’t get shit on in any of the songs about them. Calvin Harris didn’t even get a song like he claimed he would. Many songs about her Exes look back on the good times, but they’re slow and not radio friendly so people don’t know about them.

It’s frustrating to see people go, ‘Well why isn’t she standing up for such-such cause’ and I’m over here with links dating back to 2010 proving she has been. And instead of going, ‘wow, I didn’t know. cool’ it’s ‘well it’s not talked about so she didn’t do enough’. She does more than many of us will ever be able to do but it’s not enough. 

As usual, men in the industry don’t have to give political opinions and don’t have to be absolutely politically aware, and their interviews aren’t filled with questions about their politics or relationships. It’s about the art they put out whereas women like Taylor are asked about men in the industry and other people’s work and national & international politics and if they try talking about themselves or their work for a few seconds they’re labeled as ‘pushy and controlling’. This has happened in many award show interviews where she’ll ask for a different question and get slandered in the press for not wanting to talk about someone she doesn’t know while up there holding her awards for the cameras in an interview that should be about her accomplishments.

I can list so many male artists who never talk about politics or take a stand on anything, or do the bare minimum, and aren’t hounded to prove themselves or accused on not doing enough. Taylor starts a petition for the Equality Act, donates to various LGBTQ+ charities under advice from her LGBTQ+ friends who know which ones are genuine, writes a queer positive song for us and she still hasn’t done enough! But this dude posts a picture of a rainbow cake during Pride Month and he’s so ‘brave’ for ��standing up for the gays’.

The sexism is what frustrates me the most because many of her haters don’t have legit reasons for the sexist things they say about her. It’s just what they think is popular so they spread negativity. And it’s okay to do it to Taylor but if you were to take their words and use them about any of their favs suddenly it’s sexism and atrocious behavior. 

Double Standards annoy me so much. There are singers I don;t vibes with and I’m not out here posting hate about them just because I don’t like their music.

[as-the-doctor-ordered]

{ @as-the-doctor-ordered @pragmatic-purple @wrathful-red @the-great-and-powerful-zim @waking-nightmares @Prisoner 777 }

Mika paced outside the door to the bridge wringing his hands together. He had asked to set up a meeting with the Tallests and they were expecting him to arrive any moment. He didn’t want to be late, but he certainly couldn’t quell his nerves. Although they were family now, this was a professional request. He was not approaching them as their mate and ‘in-law’ as the humans would call it. He had asked Pur personally not to speak to him as his mate, but as an employee, as he was hired.

Honestly, the thought was intimidating, but he knew he had a good defense for his request, one that made sense for the betterment of Irk’s youth as they begin to change the way things are run, particularly with the absence of the control brains. Not only that, but even at Mika’s young age, only in his 60s, he was more than qualified to take on the task. Taking a deep breath, Mika stepped forward, tapped on the door with his knuckles, and pushed it open, not surprised that Pur and Red were ready and waiting for him, an extra seat set up just below as they might from any request from a Taller (that they actually decided to entertain).

“Good afternoon, my Tallests. Thank you for seeing me,” Mika said, giving them a slight bow and a submissive droop of his antennae as he shuffled to the chair and sat down, hands in his lap and sitting up tall and straight.

The Tallests were sitting side by side in the room, a plate of doughnuts between them. They had talked for awhile about how to separate the fact that Mika was Purple's mate from the request he had- it was not something that they had to deal with since they had taken on mates and the concept seemed rather strange, but they figured that since it was Mika's direct request that they would try their best to not allow the Irk's title to sway their decision in what had been a rather vague and ominous request to speak to them. 

When Mika entered in Pur flashed him a bright and toothy smile, lifting one hand in a wave before looking to Red. 

Tallest Red cleared his throat softly, leaning forward on the table and asked with a raised brow, "Now that you have our attention- what is it that you would like to speak about, Mika?"

Mika fidgeted a bit in his seat, but tried his best to keep himself looking tall and professional. "I have a proposal for you. The reason for this meeting, rather than simply approaching you about it, is because it will change many things about how one of our current academic systems are run. And I felt that would be an important decision that should be unbiased by our relationships," the doctor began, clearing his throat into a gloved hand before continuing, "I wish to propose we move medical academy in its entirety to the Massive and adapt the curriculum to better represent Irk's political changes." 

At the request both of the Tallests looked toward one another with raised brows. Red looked back to the little Irk and asked, "What is it about the current medical academy structure that you do not find satisfactory?"

"First, it separates the brightest of our youth, the smeets made here on the Massive, from the Academy itself," Mika replied slowly, taking a deep breath. He'd practiced this. He knew what he was doing. "I have noticed since my departure from medical academy, and even during my tenure, numbers are dwindling. Those of age are opting to attend other institutions. But I do not believe distance is the sole issue," he continued cautiously, "The second issue lies in the curriculum itself and thus my second proposed change. Currently, students are required to complete at least two years of on-site training. Historically, this has been posed in active battlefield. I was posed myself in the line of active duty. While I feel this training to be important, it is currently mandatory and extremely traumatic. We lose more medics to death during this time than we gain into the academy as a whole as they are not trained in war but in healing. I would like to propose that this route be optional with a choice between either active duty or during peacekeeping missions, to be arranged with Taller Dib once he is well. I also propose those that do choose either route should take additional time to prepare them for emergency and trauma care."

Red listened carefully and looked to his brother with a shrug. Tallest Purple then shifted forward and said, "The logic is sound, Mika. I trust that your facts are straight and I believe that they would all be confirmed if I dug into them myself. I do trust that you know that the remodeling of an entire educational structure that has been in place for many centuries will be a daunting task and an expensive one. We would have to find where on the Massive the new school would be housed and we would likely need to purge the current educators who are set in very traditional ways, bringing on a new and likely diverse staff. You understand that this will cause backlash. Then there is the question of where the funds for it are coming from. Do you have a proposal for that - or is this something that you are asking the Tallests to foot the bill for?" 

The tall purple-eyed Irk gave a half smile, knowing that he would gladly front the bill for any of his mate's passion projects- but Mika had asked for him to be seen as an employee in this meeting and he did not want to adopt the totally whipped mate role too soon and make the young Irk feel like he was being merely placated.

"I understand such a large change will come at great cost, both financially and by way of staffing - including room and board for other instructors. However, I did some research and I happen to know that there is a great deal of space in the lower starboard wing. Currently, medbay also has many unused operating rooms that can be converted to hands-on teaching rooms with minimal expense," Mika replied, tugging his tablet out of his PAK and bringing up a holographic screen, resizing for the Tallest's to see blueprints of the Massive. "Just here - this area is relatively unused aside from a bit of storage. Also, if we open admissions to other races, within only a few years any incurred expenses should be returned. The rest will be profit. So, in short - yes. I am asking you, my Tallests, to 'foot the bill' as it were. But it will be a worthwhile investment."

Tallest Red looked over to his brother and asked, "How many are in the Academy now? Will shifting them back to the Massive be feasible with our current population?" 

Pur shrugged, pulling up his own computer to check the numbers as he replied, "It looks like we have about thirty thousand Irks currently enrolled… ah. I mean I guess we could repurpose sections Alpha-327 through Beta-Five for dorm ideas and to house the actual Academy. Most of those areas are just training rooms for Invaders and barracks. We could have students intern under the Irks on the Massive in their respective fields and utilize many of the areas on board for on site training and such… we could bring in our Engineers to try to redesign those areas to be more useful for education stuff." He then raised a brow and said, "Opening up diversity would probably be good for PR too."

Red nodded softly and looked back to Mika to ask, "When are you proposing to implement this?"

Mika leaned back in his seat, twisting his hands together in his lap as he replied, "As soon as possible, my Tallest. Without institutional change to our core systems, the majority of Irk is still being led by old and out of date laws. It is essential we begin enacting these systems within our main organizations if we wish to truly change mindset, perspective, and public opinion. Beginning with how we heal our own kind and others.""

Tallest Red let out a soft sigh at the answer. It was absolutely the one that he expected but it was the least convenient planning wise. They had a lot of work ahead of them if they were going to implement a new structure for education and rewrite the laws around it. At the moment all he wanted to do was to be home with his mates, but the work was never ending. 

He looked up at the little orange eyed Irk and said, "We have heard your requests. Please forward everything you have put together on it to your Tallest. We will look into it and see what is feasible."

Pur leaned forward and gave a smile as he said in a voice that was very much one mate to another rather than maintaining his station above the other, "I think it is a great idea, Starshine. We will see what we can do to make it work."

"Thank you, Tallest Red. I will forward everything I have," Mika nodded, standing from his seat and giving them a low, proper bow. He couldn't restrain the affectionate chirp, however, in response to his mate's words, nor the tilt in his antennae toward the Tallest. When he straightened up, his eyes were bright. "Thank you, Tallest. I will see you this evening," he chittered, taking his leave. 

"See you, Starlight." Pur replied softly as his mate took his leave, unabashedly watching his figure as he walked away. When he had gone he turned to Red and mused, "I think it is honestly a great idea. I might be slightly biased, but he made some good points."

"I agree," Red mused as he pulled up his computer display to write out a summons. "But we are definitely going to need our Engineer back. And honestly, it is probably big-time that he is pardoned anyway. I cannot even recall why we put him in jail."

"I don't know that there was any legitimate reason," Pur replied almost uncomfortably.  It was always a bit unpleasant when they were faced with their own bad decisions from the past as they attempted to move toward a better future. 

Red sighed and said, "I think it is time we probably look at the prisoner roster for Moo-Ping 10 and reevaluate who should actually be there. My guess is that it is not many."

"I think that is fair," Pur said as he stood from his seat. "Let's sync this evening with a list. We can put together restitutions and an apology speech."

"I think I need to get a speech writer, honestly. I am running out of ways to say I am sorry," Red replied wearily. 

"I am sure you will come up with something," Pur replied as he placed one hand on his brother's shoulder, "I'd offer my assistance in making these speeches. But, you know. Stage fright."

"I know, brother-mine. It is fine," Red assured as he sent off his message. He looked up to the other and said, "I imagine that the Vortian will arrive within the next few days. Let's try to put together the basics of what we want before he gets here. Now, if you do not mind. I am going to go barricade myself in my quarters with my family. Unless the ship is going to explode, I would like to not do a single thing as Tallest for the remainder of the evening."

Pur laughed softly and said, "Go on, then. I will keep an eye on things. Have a lovely evening, Tallest Red."

Red stood and flashed his brother a smile, "You as well, Tallest Purple."

-0-0-0-

Far from the Massive on the Prison Planet of Moo-Ping 10 a Gellaxis guard sat at a desk, moving the perfectly square coffee cup and his rectangle lunch box so that one corner of each was touching, creating several perfect and visually appealing right angles. Around the room, everything appeared to be set up to create as many right angles as possible. It extended even further- the entire prison seemed to follow in suit- an obvious design of the Gellaxis, who were as a whole race, obsessed with the precision and balance that right angles created. 

It had been quite some time since he had anything to actually do as the secretary of the prison, so when a message came through he emitted a shriek of surprise at the loud notification sound. Recovering from this he opened it and read through the message, noting the attached payment for the release of a prisoner. 

Because that is how things worked on Moo-Ping 10. It did not matter what a person's crimes were- or if there had even been a crime committed.  The Gellaxis were happy to imprison anyone- for a monthly price. To release someone, however, the balance of their entire 'sentence' had to be paid in full. 

The Gellaxis printed out the release papers to be reviewed, signed in triplicate, subjected to council inquiry and then filed away. Typical turnaround was between two to three business days, but seeing as this request came from the Tallests of Irk, he grabbed one of his square stamps and lined it up precisely with the corner of the paper, leaving a box that said 'Urgent' in red ink before he sent it off to the warden. 

With that task done, it was time to inform the prisoner that his release was pending and so, the Gellaxis straightened the squared badges on his chest and stomped his way through the halls to where the prisoner's lodgings were. He raised a hand to knock on the glass of the cell and demanded, "Prisoner 777, report."

The requested Vortian’s eyes opened, staring up at the ceiling above him. He hadn’t been sleeping, but the knock on the glass alerted his attention. With an exhausted sigh, Seven shifted to stand, for a moment glancing about the perfectly square room, back at his bed tucked perfectly in the corner, and scowling at the hard and straight frame he had raked his knee off of on multiple occasions. If it were up to him, the entire prison would be designed very differently.

Sighing again, Seven walked up to the glass wall and stood across from the Gellaxis, raising one brow. “What?”

The guard looked over the Vortian as he approached the thick glass and said, "I am here to report to you that a petition has been submitted for your release from Moo-Ping 10. The request is currently under review but from a glance I can tell you that your fees have been paid in full and I cannot foresee a reason that you would be further detained at this point. It is recommended that you prepare yourself to be released- any loose ends should be wrapped up in the next day cycle. You are meant to report directly to The Massive."

“The Massive?” Seven asked, looking a bit surprised. He was, albeit vaguely, aware of the plentitude of changes encompassing the Irken Armada’s rule, including the destruction of the Control Brains. They’d all seen the news, had heard the speeches from Tallest Red himself. After a moment’s thought, the Vortian figured it made a bit of sense that he would be reporting back to The Massive after all this time, having been the lead designer and mechanic for the ship. In any case, he had a few choice words to deliver to the Tallests, if he had the chance. “That’s great news. I’ll get all my belongings together,” he scoffed, glancing over his shoulder at the practically empty cell, save for photographs of his children. “Might need some time to get all of this together.”

"You will be provided a box for your belongings," the guard commented, obviously not licking up on the sarcasm in Seven's voice before stepping back. "I will have your container delivered and as you are being checked out you will receive your personal affects which were confiscated from you upon your arrival. Which, if my records are correct, is a pen-knife and a bag of groceries.  These will have been kept in storage for you."

“I don’t know how I lived without them,” Seven replied with a roll of his eyes, giving the guard a bit of a shrug before stepping a bit back from the glass. “I’ll be ready to go,” he added, finally turning his back on the Gallaxis, walking to the wall to take down his few photos of his children and prepare for his departure.

Due to the Urgent status of the request it was completed before the evening was out and a transport had been arranged to bring the Vortian from Moo-Ping 10 to The Massive- a transport which arrived first thing the next morning. The new model of the Minnow docked in the main hangar of the prison and when the door opened, it was a human with bright red hair that stepped out, dressed in  lack armour made from some kind of leather, but he wore a blue jacket over it with painted yellow flowers decorating it. 

Keef approached the warden as well as Prisoner 777 with a bright smile, though he looked exhausted as always if the dark circles under his eyes were anything to judge by. When he spoke it was in Irken, somewhat clumsy Irken, "Thanking you for quickly processing the Tallest's requests." He looked to the Vortian and added, "It is a pleasure."

Seven was surprised when he saw Keef step off the ship. The redhead hadn’t been present in any of the broadcasts, though he was vaguely aware of Tallest Red’s human mates. It was strange to think of the Tallests taking mates at all, that they desired these humans so much they were willing to change the entirety of how their systems were run.

Now that he was no longer cuffed or behind the walls of a cell, he stepped slightly toward Keef and gave him a low bow as a sign of respect to the Taller. “Thank you for coming to receive me so promptly,” the Vortian replied, straightening back up and smoothing out the front of his prisoner’s uniform. “Though admittedly I expected more pomp and circumstance from the Tallests. I suppose they’d prefer to handle this matter quietly.”

The Taller watched the Vortian bow with an incredibly uncomfortable look on his face. He was still definitely not used to that. As the alien stood, genuinely towering over him Keef lifted one hand to run it through his mop of hair and replied, "You do not have to bow. It is weird. I don't super like it. And ah. Yeah. Sorry. To be honest I requested the assignment to get out of the Massive.  I'm sure I've got some glitter in the ship I could toss in the air as you get on board if you want something fancier."

Seven couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips and he replied, “As you don’t care for bowing, I don’t care for glitter. I think avoiding fancy is probably the best bet for both of our comfort level.” Tucking his hands into his pockets, he gave Keef a wide and sharp-toothed grin, taking in the appearance of the human. His experience with humans was limited, first to that tall dark-haired one that occasionally appeared on screen with Zim many years ago, and now the redhead standing before him. He was much paler than the other human, too, freckled a bit like Zim with strangely bright red eyes. He was really quite fascinating. “Shall we go, then?”

Keef nodded and gestured toward the ship before signing what was more or less a receipt that the warden extended to him. He then turned and walked alongside the much larger alien toward the ship and asked, "I don't have to be worried about you losing your shit and trying to take out the crew or anything, right? Like, I'm prepared for it, but I'd rather not."

“I’ve never committed a crime in my life, if you don’t include supplying Zim with Vortian mech while he was on Earth,” Seven replied as they walked, keeping his eyes forward and trained on the doorway of the ship. “I’m not about to start when I’ve finally been released.”

"Fair enough," Keef replied as they stepped on board and he began to close the door to seal them inside. He then nodded down the hall for Seven to follow him and continued, "I know that the Empire has been a bunch of bullshit. The Tallests were terrible as were most Irks. They are working towards being better every day and I think you will find yourself pleasantly surprised with the changes. Most people are."

The redhead stopped outside one of the many doors and opened it, "We will not be on this ship long, probably about six hours. But this is your temporary room. You can shower there are clean clothes and there is some food. You are a free Vortian at this point, you are welcome essentially anywhere here. When we arrive at the Massive you will be on boarded, the Tallests will propose their new project to you and, should you accept, you will be assigned housing and yadda yadda yadda. If you want to tell the Tallests to piss off and do your own thing- then you will be given the opportunity to leave the Massive. And that's not a threat, they don't toss people out the airlock anymore. But there are severance packages for people that leave. A voot, some cash and a good luck, ya know?"

“That doesn’t sound like the Tallests at all,” Seven chuckled, stepping into the room and looking around. He could feel his shoulders relax at the sight of it, a weight seeming to lift visibly from him. Even on the Minnow, he had a room, a proper bed, a change of clothes that wasn’t a restrictive prison uniform. Stepping up to the bed, he dragged his fingers along the fabric of the folded shirt, feeling the softness and quality of it. He turned to face the human again, a bit of a distracted but curious look in his eyes. “What’s your name?”

"The Tallests have worked very hard to change things. I think that you'll find that all of this is very much in line with who they are striving to be," Keef replied as he stepped into the room as well to tap a display by the door to make the system aware that the guest was here. He looked toward the Vortian with an incredibly bright smile and said, "I'm Keef. You got a name?"

The Vortian tilted his head slightly as he watched Keef move, each action seeming more fluid than he would expect from one of his stature and species, finding himself a bit caught off guard by the dazzling smile tossed his way. After a moment of silence he replied simply, “Seven.”

"Fair enough," the human replied before stepping away from the display. Around them they could feel the ship pulling away from the hangar, the engines whirring subtly around them. He gestured toward a fridge and said, "We packed some Vortian snacks. There's some sweets and stuff and a couple sammich kind of things. But we will have like actually dinner for you at the Massive. I'll let you, ya know… do your thing but if ya need me I'll either be on the bridge or in the training room. There's a mappy thing on the wall just down the hall.” He took a few steps back and added, "See ya around, Sev."

“Thank you,” Seven replied, picking up the folded pile of clothes from the bed as he watched Keef begin awkwardly excusing himself. Once the door closed behind him, the Vortian let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and shuffled off into the attached bathroom to shower and get changed out of his uniform.

The Tallests had a job for him. Although Keef reaffirmed the changes that the Tallests were making, there was still the thought in the back of his mind that his release would be temporary, and likely dependent on the work that he would be agreeing to when he returned. Seven let the thought roll through his mind, trying and failing to convince himself otherwise until he was showered and dressed. Stepping back into the main room and realizing he didn’t really have much of an appetite, he exited the room instead and made his way through the hall, only glancing at the map before his feet brought him just outside the training room the redheaded human had mentioned earlier.

Inside the training room, Keef had decided to blow off some steam. It was nice to have this time that he did not have to worry about being interrupted by his family. He grimaced at the thought- it was not that he did not love his family- he did, with everything within him. But he was hard pressed to find a time of not being interrupted in his self care by a mate who was tiptoeing around, trying to stop him from being mad at them. That or by his children, which he truly did not mind. But having a few hours that he could work himself to exhaustion without having any of them sneaking up on him was something he truly needed. It was most of why he took this job. 

He had set the training simulator to an expert level and began running through the insanely difficult and stacked battle simulations without even knowing that he was being watched. 

Seven remained quiet as he watched, quickly becoming immersed in Keef’s smooth movements and his dance-like fighting style. It seemed to come easily to him; it was clear that the human was well-trained and it was fascinating to watch. The Vortian himself was not much of a fighter - certainly not trained in that sort of thing - though he could hold his own simply due to his race and stature. He preferred to use his hands for building than for breaking.

He watched Keef go through the entire simulation and stop to catch his breath before bringing attention to himself, coughing softly as he stepped into the room. “Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t lose my shit and try to take out the crew.”

Keef spun around at the sound, one sword still in his hand and his eyes narrowed, but as he realized who it was he dropped the tip of the blade down and replied, "Hiya, Sev. Ah. Yeah. At risk of sounding totally full of myself- I wouldn't recommend it." The redhead sheathed his swords and gestured vaguely toward the Vortian, "The new threads look nice. The jumpsuit clashed with your skintone and dignity."

The Vortian chuckled, walking a bit further into the room as Keef spoke. “Definitely not in the plan now that I’ve seen you training,” he replied, then looked down at his change in clothes. They were simple, certainly - mainly slate grey but with detailing in the classic Irken reddish purple - and a bit more flowy than he was used to, but way more comfortable. Blushing slightly, he shrugged as he lifted his eyes back up to Keef’s. “Thank you. It’s nice to be out of the uniform.”

"When we get back to the Massive there's a few folks that do clothes that can help ta get you a set of new stuff that isn't ya know, this stuff. There's even a few Vortians, so they should be able to get em to fit right and all. I am terrible at the whole fashion thing. So I just kinda stick to the armour and whatever Zim decides I'm wearing for the most part."

“That would be very nice,” Seven agreed. “And the armour seems to suit you, so I don’t think you have anything to worry about. And how is… Zim?” he asked, a bit of a scowl crossing his features as he tucked his hands once more into his pockets.

"Zim is good," Keef replied- certainly not missing the scowl, but understanding that Zim was not very good at making friends in his past. "Parenthood is treating him well. He has mellowed out a lot. I mean, he is still heckin crazy. But more mellow. He has been through a lot. So, I don't know what he did to you. I am sure it deserves some anger. But know that Zim has been through enough trauma in the last decade that he isn't the Irk he was before. If you need to talk to him to clear the air, he'd probably be up for it. But go into that knowing that he is a bit broken now."

The Vortian opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again as he processed the information Keef presented him with. Zim was a parent now. How could he forget? Tallest Red’s smeet had certainly been big news once it was made public. However, it didn’t stop the bitter jealousy that built up in Seven’s chest that, despite what Zim had gone through, the Irk got to be a father while Seven wasted away in jail, wondering what that very Irk had done with his own children. “There will be words, certainly,” he replied flatly.

Keef furrowed his brow and nodded, knowing that it was not his place to undo the wrongs of his mates but he could not help but feel protective. He let out a sigh and said, "I hope that you can understand that I will be there and will not hesitate to put a stop to any aggression towards Zim. Physical aggression, at least. I am contracted as his personal guard and I do take my job quite seriously. So, keep that in mind and try to keep it to words or seeking legal counsel."

“I have no intentions to threaten Zim,” Seven replied. “But I do hope that now, as a father, he can empathize with the fact that I would like to know what happened to my girls. Considering he held them hostage.” Turning, the Vortian began to make his way back out of the training room and continued, “Perhaps I’ll be pleasantly surprised. But do forgive my concern.”

"Are you fucking kidding?" Keef replied with genuine disgust in his voice. He had assumed that Zim had fucked Seven over on a deal or something. Even for as bad as Zim had been- he could not imagine him holding children hostage. He stepped forward, placing a hand on the Vortian's arm and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Seven stopped when he felt Keef’s hand on his arm, looking down at the contact for a moment before glancing over his shoulder at the redhead. “I’m not kidding. If Zim has changed as much as you say, then I doubt it is something he’s in any way proud of. I’m not surprised it hasn’t been mentioned. That, or he doesn’t remember. Who knows.”

"I am sure he remembers…" Keef replied with a hint of worry in his voice. He released his grip on the other and stepped past him muttering, "Excusing me. I need to make a call."

Seven watched as the human walked away, his own brow furrowed in response to the uncomfortable reaction. It certainly wasn’t an easy topic to bring up. His wife had been gone now for some time, nearly four years, but with hope Zim would be able to return his children. That they would be safe. 

-0-0-0-

"They is dead," Zim replied flatly as Seven stood in front of him in the reception hall of the Tallests. The Vortian had demanded an audience with him before considering the offer of a job and so, Zim had readily agreed to it. He let out a sigh and continued, "They was never hurt while I had them, Seven. Really theys even had fun a lot of the time. But when Zim was captured they was too."

All of the air seemed to be torn from the Vortian’s lungs as Zim spoke. Everything seemed to fade out of focus except for Zim in front of him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to leap forward and take it out on Zim or if he wanted to throw himself out of the airlock. In a slow and shaky voice, Seven asked, almost as if he didn’t hear the Irk at all, “What happened to my girls?”

"Zim does not know for certains," the little Irk replied sadly. "Zim was captured as well, you see. To be tortured and experimented on. I did not see what's happened to them. But Zim does know that they is gone." Zim let out a soft sigh and took a step towards Seven and said, "Sevens, Zim needs you to know that Zim never hurt them. Zim never would have hurt them. Zim only took them because Seven was on Moo-Ping. I said they were hostages, but Zim was going to gives them back to Seven when he was out of Moo-Ping. Saying they was hostages just made paperwork easier and Zim thoughts it was funny to mess with Seven. But I was caring for them."

Seven had begun to hyperventilate as the little Irk continued to explain. It was true - no matter what, they were likely safer with Zim than they would have been anywhere near Moo-Ping or anywhere else that was under the Armada’s jurisdiction. In any case, his girls were dead just like their mother. The Vortian dropped down to his knees, eyes wide and out of focus as he tried to remember how to breathe.

Zim stepped forward, his heeled boots slapping against the polished floor as he walked. He dropped down directly in front of the Vortian, well aware that even though Seven was peaceful by nature, he could definitely squash him if he wanted to. But even so, he looked up at the other, reaching his hands out to take Seven's hands in his as he said, "Zim meant to care for them. I know that sorrys do not fix it. That they cannot. But Zim is really and truly sorry, Sevens. Sevens has always been Zim's friend. I did not mean for them to be hurts."

At this point, while Seven heard all of Zim's words, he wasn't exactly processing anything that was said to him. He let the Irk take his hands, making no move to attack or threaten him. Instead, the Vortian simply bowed his head, horns coming close to Zim as he did so, and began to cry, his shoulders shaking. 

Zim quickly shifted his weight to allow him to wrap his arms around Seven's shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug as the little Irk buried his face in the crook of the Vortian's shoulder. "Zim is so sorry, Sevens."

Seven wrapped his arms around Zim in response, clinging tightly to the little Irk as he continued to sob, completely lost to everything else outside of the death of his children, suddenly aware of how small his world had become. The only one he really had any relationship to was Zim, who sat here with him apologizing for what happened. 

Truthfully, he was aware it wasn't Zim's fault. That his girls had been safer with Zim than they ever would have been otherwise. That it was a crazy happenstance that they were taken when Zim was. But all he could think was how he would never hold his daughters again, that they didn't live to see his freedom or to be reunited. Seven cried until he couldn't anymore, and slowly ebbed into still silence. 

Zim remained almost uncharacteristically quiet as Seven cried, allowing the Vortian to cling to him the whole time. He could not imagine going through what he was going through at the moment- if all of his children were suddenly gone. But Zim understood pain and knew that sometimes a person did not need the situation to be fixed, but simply needed someone to sit inside that pain of grief with them and so, he stayed. 

Seven had truly been one of Zim's dearest friends through his youth and even after. They had gotten into worlds of trouble together- or more accurately, Zim had caused worlds of trouble with Seven at his side. It made his spooch ache to see him like this. 

When Seven had quieted Zim asked quietly against the skin of his shoulder, "Would Seven likes to have many fruity alcohol drinks for this? That is how Zim's mates deal with sad things."

Seven raised his head slowly, gently detangling himself from Zim as he considered the proposal, freeing one hand to rub at his eyes. "I don't think getting drunk will make this feeling go away. I'll probably just end up too drunk to speak to the Tallests. Tell me… How long were they with you? When did - how long have they been gone?" 

Zim settled himself into the Vortian's lap and said, "They was with Zim for two years before we was all taken…" The little Irk let out a sad sigh and said, "They was gone within the first year we was taken. Zim was there for many years. They woulds be gone for five-ish years now, Zim thinks..  it may not help, but it is better to have been gone than to have been in that place, Seven. They did… many cruel things there." 

The Irk reached his hand up to unfasten his collar, letting his shirt slip off one shoulder to expose a small section of the vibrantly pink scars that coated his body as he added, "They went before the experiments went this cruel."

Seven raised a hand, gently grazing his fingertips along the lines of scars to Zim's shoulder, a sad rumble leaving his own lips. "I'm sorry about what's happened to you, too, Zim. I can't imagine it. If it got this bad, then I'm glad they were spared any worse suffering. But it doesn't make the loss of my baby girls any easier. I hope you can understand that." 

"Zim knows this," he said as he leaned back against his friend's chest and tilted his head back to look up at him. "Zim wishes that he had different words to give Seven. But I do not. If Seven cannot be Zim's friend because if this, Zim will understands."

Seven sighed softly, looping his arms around Zim's waist and shaking his head. "If this ends our friendship then I will really be fully and completely alone. I know you would never hurt my children on purpose. I had a lot of resentment toward you for a long time - but it was never really at you. It was the fear of never seeing my girls again, and after my wife died, there was nothing else."

Zim let out a soft sigh and let his arms rest on Seven's as he said, "Seven had made Zim the… the back up parent. You had a name for it but Zim forgets. I tried to be that for thems, but I was never any good at it. They gots too many sweets and never went to bed on time. They played with lasers and things. But Zim did try. I know how smeets mean to parents now and Zim is sorry for the ache that Seven must feel… like his insides are broken. And I am sorry Zim could not keep them safe for you."

"If I know you at all, I know you did your best. When they were with you and to protect them after," Seven murmured. "It's good they had too many sweets and that they got to do silly things like play with lasers before… and I am sure that with you, they had a great deal of fun. Though I did come in here thinking I would be punching your teeth in," he chuckled. 

"Zim is rather glad you did not punch the teeth in," Zim chuckled back. He looked up at the other and said, "If Seven needs days before talking to the Tallest, Zim will talk to them. Their plans can be waiting a few days."

Frowning, Seven considered the offer for a moment before he shook his head. "No, I think I'd rather go now. I'd like to spend as little time thinking of the death of my girls as possible."

Zim nodded softly and stood, reaching a hand out to help up the Vortian, though with how little he was, he was probably not much help at all. He gave a smile and said, "Let us be seeing Tallest Red then. We can get Seven some works to do and places to stay. Work helps Zim to not be thinking of thinks he wants to not think."

Seven took the Irk's hand, but mostly lifted himself to stand and gave Zim a thankful smile, weak as it was. "It helps me, too. Let's see what the Tallest has in store for me," he agreed, wiping his face free of the drying tears and rubbing some life back into his eyes. At the least he could be composed. 

-0-0-0- 

Tallest Red handed over the plans he had managed to write out for the planning of the Academy. Mostly it was scribbles in red marker all over a blueprint that vaguely gave an idea of what he had in mind, but it was so disorganized that it also could have very easily have been the work of Miguel getting into his father's work. 

"We want to make these changes to host the Academy on the Massive instead of off-world. We would like it done sooner rather than later," he said as he sat back in his chair. He picked up a cup of hot cocoa that was on his desk, passing it to Zim who currently sat in his lap as he added, "But through this we have actually stumbled upon several large opportunities on board- particularly in the lower levels. As such, we wanted to offer you a long term position here, working on upgrades throughout the entirety of the ship. As it turns out, the Control Brains did not care in the slightest as to the living conditions of those in the lower levels and we'd like to remedy that."

Seven was humming thoughtfully as he looked over Tallest Red's vague and messy schematics, listening to his instructions. "As far as the Academy goes, that shouldn't take too much work. I remember this area - we just need to knock down some walls and make sure the area is wired for the right tech. From there it's just design work. As for the living quarters, that's going to take a lot more time to bring up to snuff, whatever that is for you," he said, straightening up to look at Red. "Redesigning the living quarters does mean that many will be displaced if we don't time it properly. We'll have to reno the new spaces first and make sure they're complete and can move before we redo current rooms."

"We have plenty of rooms which people can be relocated to during renovations, plus there are many ships in the Armada that can serve as temporary housing," Red replied softly as he pointed to another section of the map, "Those who are required to stay on board the Massive can be moved to these areas. They are typically kept empty except for diplomats, but upwards of twenty thousand could be housed here. Then, between the Armada, we can find places for them to stay and simply keep the lower levels empty while you- and your team who we will move forward to hire, should you take the position, redesign these areas." 

The Tallest began to idly pet Zim's head as the little Irk drank his hot chocolate and added, "We would like for all the housing aboard the Massive to be of the quality of the diplomatic suites and we want the Academy area to be able to accommodate not only the teachings of Irk, but we want to bring on teachers of other races as well, so we will have to accommodate their technology as well."

Seven listened carefully, nodding along as he made notes on his own datapad, provided to him by Red at the start of their meeting. He glanced up from his notes with a smirk at the Tallest's latest comment, replying, "I was wondering when there would be some kind of challenge. But making all of the Armada tech universally compatible is exactly why you hire me for a job like this."

Straightening up, the Vortian gave a slight bow of his head to the Tallest and added, "You have your engineer, then, my Tallest."

"Yes, we had figured that you would likely be the best for the non- seeing as all the framework was your design to begin with and also because you have experience working with many kinds of technology." Tallest Red replied with a smile- a smile which grew wider as Seven had agreed to the job. He picked Zim up, placing the Irk on his desk before standing and walking around the desk, extending a gloved hand to the Vortian and saying, "Then it is a pleasure to have you aboard. I am forwarding you your contract, feel free to adjust your prices as you see fit if my estimates do not look fair. You are also free to meet with our Alien Resources manager, Taller Dib to discuss negotiations in your contract before you sign. He is currently still technically on bedrest, but he is desperate for something to do and will likely start pulling out his hair if he does not have someone to advocate for soon."

Seven chuckled, reaching forward and taking Red's hand in the handshake and gave a nod. "That sounds… Shockingly reasonable, my Tallest. I will be sure to check over my contract with Taller Dib and I will have everything signed and sent back to you as soon as possible. Thank you for this opportunity - as well as freedom." 

"It was long past time for you to be free, old friend. We were-- I was wrong for it in the first place," Tallest Red admitted with a guilty look in his eyes. "I will have you know that we are now reviewing the imprisonment of every prisoner of Moo-Ping 10 and reevaluating those sentences and giving pardons where needed." 

The Tallest then dropped the Vortian's hand and moved to open a drawer in his desk, pulling out a package which he handed over to the engineer, "Inside is your access badge for your quarters and for the ship, a communicator, identification for you and a Monies Chit which will have your pay. There is universal conversion- and instructions which will be sent to your systems, which will be in your room. You will find that there is restitution and back pay already on your Chit- at the rate currently listed in your contract, not what we were paying you before, which was basically criminal. Your room is fully furnished, but feel free to make any changes you see fit and anything structurally you can simply invoice for the cost. We will also have some of our tailors come by to get your measurements for work uniforms and things." Red then shrugged and said, "Anyway, welcome back."

"It appears there have been many changes since I completed my work on the Massive," Seven replied thoughtfully, adding, "That's all very gracious of you, Tallest Red. Thank you. I should be set to begin within the next couple of days." Turning to Zim, he gave the littler Irk a bit of a nod and said, "It's good to see you again, Zim. You're welcome to visit with me any time."

"Zim will come to see Seven all the times," the little Irk replied after wiping whippy cream from his face onto a handkerchief that Red had absently handed over to him. He then set down his cup and climbed up onto the Tallest's back saying, "Is Tallest done with working now?"

"Yes, Smeetling. I am finished," the Tallest replied as he walked the Vortian over to the door of his office, opening it for the other where a SIR unit was waiting outside. "They will show you to your room, Seven. You may simply send me a message when you have finished looking over your contract and I will schedule an appointment for you to meet with Taller Dib in the morning." 

The Tallest walked out of the office behind the engineer and turned to begin walking down the hall with his mate still clinging to his shoulders. 

[howellrichard]

Protect Your Energy by Setting Boundaries

Hiya Gorgeous!

Does the thought of certain subjects coming up at your holiday gathering make you want to run, hide or break into nervous laughter? Politics, diets, rival sports teams, parenting styles… You know, those topics.

Over the holidays, we often have the chance to spend extra time with folks we don’t see much throughout the year. And though that can be a blessing, it can also lead to conversations that trigger or hurt us, inject doubt into our minds about our decisions, or make us uncomfortable.

If any of this sounds familiar, please know that whatever you’re doing to cope right now is enough—as long as it’s supporting you and not creating more stress or suffering in your life.

But if your current coping mechanisms aren’t serving you and/or you’d like some new strategies for setting boundaries in relationships (with family, chosen family, friends, coworkers, you name it!), then you’re in the right place.

Today I’m sharing tips for navigating difficult conversations.

You’ll learn simple, compassionate ways to:

Share your point of view (if you want to)

Ask for support from folks, even if they disagree with you

Listen to opposing opinions or unsolicited advice

Maintain healthy boundaries that make you feel safe and confident

Trust your inner wisdom when others question or challenge your decisions

Find a support system for whatever you’ve got goin’ on (I promise, it’s out there!)

Gently end conversations you don’t want to have (yes, you are 100 percent allowed to do that!)

Setting Boundaries, Trusting Yourself and Protecting Your Energy During Difficult Conversations

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to the people you’re closest to. These strategies will help you stay strong and keep trusting yourself when your resolve is tested or you feel attacked. Here are some of the most common scenarios you might face and how to handle them!

When you want to make your point

I’m sure you’re passionate about something (or many things!) that can be a little touchy when they come up in conversation. For example, one of the reasons I’m vegan is because I care deeply about animal rights. That can be a really sensitive subject for some folks, so while it’s not a conversation I back down from, I do my best to tread carefully. And healthy debate can be fun and educational if we lead with sensitivity and empathy!

Keep in mind that it’s not your responsibility to change anyone’s mind. If you just want to end the conversation, that’s perfectly ok (we’ll talk about how to do that in a bit). But if you want to take this as an opportunity to open up a dialogue, try these tips:

Feel out the situation. Are the people you’re chatting with open to hearing you out or do they just want to argue? Setting boundaries is about protecting your energy, so don’t waste precious time on a game you didn’t agree to play.

Listen. The most productive conversations allow everyone to get their air time. Try not to interrupt, roll your eyes, spend all your time planning your next rebuttal and so on. Really take in what the other person is saying and they’ll be more likely to do the same when it’s your time to talk.

Choose your words carefully. Use language that’s positive and understanding rather than combative and judgemental. Try phrases like, “You bring up an interesting point. Here’s something else you might consider…” and “It sounds like you’ve thought a lot about this! I’m grateful that we can share our unique perspectives with each other.”

Empower yourself with knowledge, data, etc. If this is a passion of yours and something you do want to talk about when it comes up, be prepared! Root yourself in your why (example: “I’m eating plant-based because it makes me feel better and helps reduce my carbon footprint.”) and get clear on the facts (example: “Actually, humans don’t need to eat animal products to be happy and healthy. Here are some facts about plant-based eaters that inspired me!”).

Know when to stop. If the discussion goes around and around in circles or starts to get heated, call a timeout! It’s important not to let things spiral out of control because that’s when boundaries get blurry. Agree to disagree and move on if the conversation becomes unproductive in any way. You can always come back to it later!

TAKE THE QUIZ NOW

When unwelcome feedback makes you doubt yourself

It can be really tough to resist the pressure to conform or agree, especially when it’s coming from someone we trust. If you’re second-guessing or doubting yourself even though you KNOW what’s in your heart, keep these tips in mind:

Do your best to stay grounded no matter where the conversation takes you. It’s normal to disagree sometimes. You can respect someone else’s point of view without doubting yourself.

Let them know you’re doing what’s best for you right now. You are the number one authority on YOU. Please don’t forget that!

You are not required to justify your feelings or decisions. Feeling the way you feel is the only explanation you need. Remember what I said before about it not being your job to change people’s minds? It’s also not on you to get people to understand your choices.

Come back to your WHY. If a challenging chat shakes you up, be gentle with yourself. Sometimes the stress of a disagreement can put us out of touch with our reasons why. Take some deep breaths and connect back to the purpose behind your choices. Ground yourself in why you made this decision/formed this opinion in the first place.

Give yourself time to reconsider. If an opposing viewpoint DOES make you want to reevaluate, that’s ok! That doesn’t make you weak or indecisive (more like open-minded and wise

). Just don’t feel rushed into changing your tune—take the time you need to think about what you’ve learned and return to the conversation if you want to.

When you want to ask for support

Let’s say you’ve decided to start going to yoga three times a week. But because of the schedule, it means you have to miss a family dinner on one of those days and your crew isn’t thrilled. How do you ask for support? Take these strategies for a spin:

Consider who you’re asking. What’s their communication style? Based on your experience, narrow in on the approach you think they’ll respond to best. Short and sweet? A written note? A formal pitch with with a PowerPoint presentation?

Share what’s meaningful. One of the best ways to ask for support is to lead with the words, “This would be meaningful to me.” Once folks understand where you’re coming from, it’s easier to support you. It’s also easier to not take things personally.

Make a trade. Some good, old-fashioned bartering can come in handy in these situations. Maybe one of your family members feels overwhelmed in the kitchen and could use some help before you head to class. Offer your support. Just make sure it’s a balanced exchange more often than not. While the effort in relationships isn’t always going to be 50/50 (sometimes you give more, sometimes you take more), you deserve to get back the energy you give.

Choose wisely. Just because they love you, doesn’t mean they should be your support system for everything. Take a moment to consider if this is the right person for the job. Sometimes setting boundaries also means accepting what a person can and cannot be to you.

Accept the outcome. So what happens if you ask for support and the person just can’t meet your needs? I know how disappointing this can be, but do your best to accept it and move on. Don’t push or guilt trip—it rarely helps. If this friend or family member is usually there for you, cut them a break. You can find the support you need elsewhere… and you always have access to it within.

When you want to end the conversation

Sometimes, you just don’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t make you rude, stubborn or inflexible. But because we’re taught to be polite (sometimes to a fault), it can be really hard to promptly shut down a conversation.

But when it comes down to it, it’s pretty simple. You can end a convo with compassion and kindness in just a few words. The tough part is sticking to it when you get pushback. Here are a few phrases I’ve had success with:

“I’m really protecting my energy around this topic, can we talk about something else?”

“This isn’t something I’m comfortable talking about right now, let’s move on.”

“I’m not looking for advice about this, but I appreciate the offer!”

“I can tell you’re passionate about this, but I’d prefer it if we changed the subject.”

“I’ll enjoy our time together more if we don’t talk about this—thanks for understanding!”

You have big, bold dreams for your life.

And ya know what? Anything big and bold is bound to attract some attention. Try seeing opposition as scenery on your journey. You can notice it, acknowledge it and even pause to check it out. But it doesn’t have to stop you or throw you off course.

You are wise, valuable, worthy and capable. Your dreams are important and the world needs you to keep chasing them! You’re also not alone—I’m here with you, every step of the way.

Your turn: What do you want to set some boundaries around? Let me know in the comments so we can support each other!

Peace & healthy boundaries,

The post Protect Your Energy by Setting Boundaries appeared first on KrisCarr.com.

[thebittahwizard]

Hey, so it seems like some of the things I wrote clearly triggered you. I'd like to dissect that, if you'll let me.

First of all, some of the things I said clearly resonated with you, given that you agreed with some of it. I'd like to point out that my little rant was inspired by a lot of generalised rhetoric that I've seen from the Pro-Life campaign, and maybe a lot of it doesn't intersect with you, but it does with a lot of people's politics. So maybe understand that not all of that was directed at you. I'm also not quite sure what you mean by "pro-choice pro-lifer," so it would be great if you explained what that means to you. I'd like to point out that your idea of "contraception, no sex, or giving the baby away" isn't foolproof given that contraception isn't always reliable, sex isn't always consensual, and like I previously stated, there are already hundreds of thousands of children already in the foster system.

Second of all, I think your "pro-responsibility" concept is interesting, but I'd like to rebut with: but who's responsibility is it? It's not yours and it shouldn't be the government's. So we're left with the mother's, and I still firmly believe that women (and men, but they aren't really a part of this particular issue) should have autonomy over their bodies and should be able to make their own decisions. Whatever consequences of those decisions will be handled by them, so I'm not sure how it concerns anyone else.

Third of all (that sounds weird, doesn't it?), I'm not sure where you get off on telling me my own personal opinions on how I think we should regulate gun control, health care, or abortion given that I didn't explicitly outline the specifics, but I think it's kind of shitty to assume anything about me given that I never mentioned anything about where I think we should draw the lines in the sand. My rant was speaking to people whose politics, in my opinion, are hypocritical. It never outlined the specifics of my own (e.g. of how we need to regulate the flow of weapons of war, increase background checks, require people to take courses about gun safety, etc.). So I'm not sure why you're so mad, considering it doesn't sound like everything I was saying applies to you.

To address your comment on murdering babies at three months, I'm not sure where you get that. Like I've said, I never mentioned when I think we should stop. Not that you asked, but I also don't think that abortions should be banded about willy nilly, but there are and will always be medical complications that go way over my head, and I think that's important to think about. I think that abortions should be considered case by case, but the rhetoric you used is a part of why it's becoming so hard for the people who need them to actually get one. The rate of abortions has been decreasing ever since Roe v. Wade (NPR, look it up) and that's in thanks to the access to clinics that perform and help inform women about it. The righteous rhetoric you use, and I'm sure my rant looks the same to you, is what is used to vilify and defund such programs. Cutting off access and placing restrictions on these places doesn't lead to anything good (aka people trying to abort themselves, as we know from the substantial impact illegal abortions had on women is the early 20th century). So if you really want sex ed, the Pro-Life campaign isn't doing you any favors.

Now I'll conclude with you "reporting" me. I wasn't trying to spam, and I'm not, considering it was a piece about the Pro-Life campaign. It was about its hypocrisy, but it was the main subject. Tagging it is common sense, given that it's a part of the debate. If you can't handle criticism, whether you find mine valid or not, I'd suggest reevaluating your own politics, because your response reeked of indignant insecurity.

I can tell that what I said really got to you, and for that I'm glad. You aired your grievances, just like I did. The only difference between you and I is that I won't report you for having a different opinion. Maybe I caught you on a bad day, maybe you didn't mean to sound like you did, maybe you just really fucking hate my guts--either way, feel free to continue this dialogue. Or don't. I choose to respect your decision either way.

See what I did there?

Be honest.

Petition to start calling Pro-Life supporters what they really are: Anti-Choice. 

Because, I hate to be the bearer of bad news (I really, really don’t), that’s what the entire campaign is about. It’s about a lack of respect for bodily autonomy and independence–something that I think the founders of the nation, as old and as white as they were–might’ve been hinting at when they started jotting down the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. “…Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness,” right? So where in that can you argue for the right to infringe upon someone else’s pursuit of those three things?

Hint: you can’t.

But, but, Life!? And herein lies my petition. Pro-Choice activists and supporters respect life the most, and here’s why.

The label of “Pro-Lifers” implies an inherent respect for all life. But do they? Only under a strict set of conditions, and only for a very brief span of time. About 9 months. Only a fetus in utero. Once that fetus is born, becomes a baby, it’s on its own, because the Pro-Life agenda often (a.k.a. always) ends when a baby takes its first breath.

Because Pro-Lifers think that a child should be born, whether or not it has a mother that wants it, planned to have it, or is able to take care of it. 

Because Pro-Lifers think that a child should be born, whether or not the mother has access to or is able to afford the health insurance necessary to take proper care of it.

Because Pro-Lifers think that a child should be born, regardless or whether it grows up only to become a victim of one of the United States’ fastest growing trends: mass shootings. In fact the child wouldn’t even need to grow up, given that 2018 was characterized as the “worst year for US school shootings” by BBC. 

Because Pro-Lifers are usually the same people that constantly use hate speech, often derived from religious rhetoric, to marginalize and harm that child once it grows up to be different (in terms of gender/sex/sexuality/disability/race/religion you fucking name it) from what they deem “respectable” (yep, we’ve come full circle on that word).

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the Pro-Life agenda intersects with the agendas of Pro-Gun and Anti-Universal Healthcare movements–the general Conservative consensus on social issues. I don’t think it’s a coincidence because it isn’t about being Pro-Life, it’s about being Anti-Choice. They don’t want women to make decisions about their bodies because they believe in the sanctity of life–as long as it isn’t the mother’s life, or the child’s once it pops out of her vagina. After that, they don’t give a fuck.

If they did, those organizations would also be pushing for ways to solve gun violence. 

To promote access to health care, access to accurate sex education (and education in general, duhdoy), and access to contraception.

To promote not only tolerant behaviors, but kind and understanding ones–for everyone. 

To adopt one of the 400,000 children already in the United States’ foster care system, instead of spawning their own hoard of gremlins because it just isn’t the same if a kid doesn’t have your dimples.

If Pro-Lifers really respected life, they would all support those causes. But they don’t. 

Pro-Choice means just that–that I believe each woman has a right over what happens to her body. Full fucking stop. That is respecting life.

I think each person has a right to an opinion, so go ahead and believe what you like, but be honest about it. Pro-Life isn’t really in support of Life. You can call it Anti-Choice, Pro-Forced Birth, Anti-Woman, Anti-Autonomy–whatever floats your fucking boat, but it’s not Pro-Life and it never really was. 

[foursprout-blog]

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/25-things-you-absolutely-need-to-learn-before-25-2/

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

Ryan Christodoulou

Before we begin: the original article on things you need to learn before you are 25 was published in 2005 and it is still relevant today as it was eighteen years ago. But in that time a lot more people have come of age, so I thought an homage wouldn’t hurt. (And yes, I write for myself as much as I do for you.)

1. Doing chores without complaining

Chores are a non-optional part of having your own space, like electric bills and not making renovations without checking in with the landlord first. Yes, ironing is work. Now you know how your parents feel.

2. “There’s no roaches” is not an acceptable standard of cleanliness

It’s unlikely that somebody will show up, cook a ten course meal, and then demand to eat it straight from your floor. You still want to be able to see the floor, have clean dishes, and a worktop that doesn’t have a six-month patina of dry pasta sauce and oil stains.

3. Putting things off that can be done in three minutes is unacceptable

The more you put something off, the guiltier you feel when you are reminded of it, the less you want to do it, the more guilt piles on. It’s a vicious circle. Just scrub the toilet and scan in the document to verify your medical insurance.

4. Respect people working in the service industry

I’m a former customer service rep, and now I teach alongside my PhD. Most of my friends have either worked or are currently doing some sort of customer-facing job. I can verify we are as human as anybody else. We are being paid to do work, not to take abuse. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and hold the curse words. It’s not that difficult.

5. Learn how to feed yourself

No, I’m not saying you should be a master chef or even versed in the fine art of reading nutrition labels. I’m saying, figure out what food you like, what it feels like to be hungry or full, then go about procuring said food so that you are fed at reasonable hours. Mooching off your roommates, or taking their stuff without replacing it, is not cool, and an invitation for someone to put laxatives in the milk.

6. Understand the value of a psychologist

I can write a whole piece on this. If you never have to visit a shrink in your life, that’s great. Shitting on people who do – not so much. A mental health professional is like any doctor. You wouldn’t ask any stranger off the street to do your root canal for free.

7. Your significant other/friends/family are not free emotional labor

Do people in relationships provide each other with support? Yes. Do they do that 24/7, nonstop, and unconditionally? No. Human beings experience compassion fatigue. The difference between your girlfriend and a counselor is that the counselor is trained to listen, and gets a pension out of it.

8. It’s okay not to respond to provocation

Chances are, the person egging you on is in more pain than you are. Pick your battles. Live to fight another day.

9. Knowing the battles you absolutely HAVE to fight for

Things like ending childhood poverty and ensuring equal workspaces for all ethnicities and genders isn’t “nice to do”, it’s something we should all be striving for because we live on the same damn planet, treating each other fairly is NOT too much to ask for.

10. Knowing your own boundaries

Conversely, you know that behavior that you hate but you put up with from your boyfriend? The demanding of emotional labor, the backhanded compliments or the outright abuse? What would happen if you told him to stop doing that? Or you asked your girlfriend to not talk down at you in front of your friends? Would they apologize and stop? Would they leave? Would leaving be such a bad thing?

11. Respecting divergent tastes, including your own

You like to read romance novels while your friends are into high-brow, cerebral murder mysteries? You don’t have to paint a coat of irony on top in order to justify it. And don’t go looking down your nose at people who love classic noir – you can think of Hitchcock as an overhyped misogynist bully without saying that Every. Time. Someone. Brings up. The birds.

12. Having the guts to ask for the things you want

A promotion? A date? Some peace so that you can study for your legal exams? Other people are not mind-readers, they can’t know what you’re thinking unless you tell them. Maybe your boss will say no, or that beautiful human you admire is in a relationship, but maybe they are not, and most non-arseholes will respect your need for quiet during a stressful period. You cannot expect others to guess your needs and desires. At some point, you have to stand up for what you want.

13. Learning to take ‘no’ for an answer

You don’t need a million life partners, friends, awards, or jobs (in fact, having a million jobs at once is highly discouraged.) What you need are people who are right for you and an occupation that you don’t utterly despise. Throwing a tantrum when you hear ‘no’ is what toddlers do. And even they get over it eventually.

14. Taking your safety seriously

Abuse is not sexy and if someone threatens you, take it seriously. Sock away money, hide, call the police, SAVE YOURSELF.

15. Acting with integrity whenever you can

Aside from putting yourself in harm’s way (see point 14) being an adult means acting with integrity regardless of whether you find the task pleasurable or not. You want to break up? Don’t cheat as a way out of a relationship. You hate your boss? Look for another job, but don’t go undermining them or poisoning the water for everyone who continues to work there.

16. Holding off on unsolicited advice

Unless someone asks you for advice (or you think they are at risk of immediate physical harm) don’t give your opinions on other people’s lives. You don’t approve of your friend’s diet? Keep it to yourself. You think your brother is dating a loser? It’s not your relationship. Judging other people doesn’t inspire them to change their behavior, it makes them reluctant to come to you for support.

17. Recognizing when something is above your paygrade

Your friend wants to make health changes? Help them make an appointment with a doctor and take them there, but don’t give them advice you’re not qualified to give. Yes, even if you are a doctor yourself. Aside from the fact that this would mean readjusting your relationship, do you honestly want to clock out of work and then go hang out at the pub and do EVEN MORE WORK?

18. Respecting other people’s wishes

Your friend shares something with you under strict secrecy. You think other people need to know. How do you proceed? The sad state of affairs is, there are very few cases when making a unilateral decision to break secrecy are justified. Knowing your boundaries might help you field off any situations where you feel like your personal ethics might stop you from respecting other people’s wishes, but don’t assume you know what is best for another adult.

19. Relationships are WORK

It’s not uncommon to fall out of contact with university mates, childhood besties, and beloved mentors. Life is an egg juggling act where you are constantly subtracting or adding items. Sooner or later you will drop some eggs. Try not to beat yourself up if you lose touch – if you want to reach out again when the juggling eases up, you absolutely can.

20. Trust that others will put in the effort for you, too

Here’s the thing: some relationships ARE lopsided for reasons that we have no control over. Bodies get sick, emergencies hit, and the weather does not give advanced warning to anybody. There are times when we are the ones doing the heavy lifting to maintain a relationship. The problem is when you are ALWAYS the one sacrificing “because it’s what friends do”. What if you stepped back and let the other person put in the effort, too? Is that a scary question? Why?

21. Calling bullshit on what it is

You want a relationship and some dude tries to negotiate down to FWB? Call bullshit. Your friend makes plans with you and expects you to foot the bill? Call bullshit. Your boss is calling you 24/7 on your sick days as if you are working from home? Politely tell them that you would not want to risk your team’s performance when you are not at 100%, and if they persist with that behavior, start exploring (covertly) your options. Don’t be a doormat (yes, I am talking to my 24-year-old self. WTF were you thinking?!)

22. You can absolutely survive without narcissists

Necessity, systematic oppression, and illness are all real factors that impact our lives differently. Some people DO have to put up with a lot of shit for the sake of their survival. But there are also many (many many many many many) others who accept terrible treatment at the hands of narcissists, because they are convinced they cannot survive without them. Don’t fall for this.

23. Knowing what matters to you and working for it

Yes, yes, budgeting is important. I know that you know. I’m talking about the bigger picture – where do you want to live? How do you want to live? What sorts of things matter to you? Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years’ time? I realize I sound like some preppy blogger with shiny hair, telling you to Make A Plan, but guess what? Keeping your visions of the future vague and undefined makes you seem like you don’t care about anything. In job interviews? That’s deadly.

24. Progress is not always linear

Sometimes you will take a step back. That’s okay, that allows you to heal and reevaluate. You wouldn’t expect someone to keep running a marathon if they twist their ankle on the second mile. You would get them some ice and a cupcake and tell them they will annihilate their PB next year.

25. It’s all just a number

Sometimes age matters, such as when you are evaluating your retirement options or when you work with a lot of children and teenagers. It also matters when you try to figure out why a man would only date girls who are half his age (answer: because no woman his age would put up with that bullshit). Other than that? Age doesn’t have to Be A Thing. Don’t make it one, and don’t let others take issue with it either.

We’re just getting started here. And we can make it awesome. 

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/25-things-you-absolutely-need-to-learn-before-25-2/

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

Ryan Christodoulou

Before we begin: the original article on things you need to learn before you are 25 was published in 2005 and it is still relevant today as it was eighteen years ago. But in that time a lot more people have come of age, so I thought an homage wouldn’t hurt. (And yes, I write for myself as much as I do for you.)

1. Doing chores without complaining

Chores are a non-optional part of having your own space, like electric bills and not making renovations without checking in with the landlord first. Yes, ironing is work. Now you know how your parents feel.

2. “There’s no roaches” is not an acceptable standard of cleanliness

It’s unlikely that somebody will show up, cook a ten course meal, and then demand to eat it straight from your floor. You still want to be able to see the floor, have clean dishes, and a worktop that doesn’t have a six-month patina of dry pasta sauce and oil stains.

3. Putting things off that can be done in three minutes is unacceptable

The more you put something off, the guiltier you feel when you are reminded of it, the less you want to do it, the more guilt piles on. It’s a vicious circle. Just scrub the toilet and scan in the document to verify your medical insurance.

4. Respect people working in the service industry

I’m a former customer service rep, and now I teach alongside my PhD. Most of my friends have either worked or are currently doing some sort of customer-facing job. I can verify we are as human as anybody else. We are being paid to do work, not to take abuse. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and hold the curse words. It’s not that difficult.

5. Learn how to feed yourself

No, I’m not saying you should be a master chef or even versed in the fine art of reading nutrition labels. I’m saying, figure out what food you like, what it feels like to be hungry or full, then go about procuring said food so that you are fed at reasonable hours. Mooching off your roommates, or taking their stuff without replacing it, is not cool, and an invitation for someone to put laxatives in the milk.

6. Understand the value of a psychologist

I can write a whole piece on this. If you never have to visit a shrink in your life, that’s great. Shitting on people who do – not so much. A mental health professional is like any doctor. You wouldn’t ask any stranger off the street to do your root canal for free.

7. Your significant other/friends/family are not free emotional labor

Do people in relationships provide each other with support? Yes. Do they do that 24/7, nonstop, and unconditionally? No. Human beings experience compassion fatigue. The difference between your girlfriend and a counselor is that the counselor is trained to listen, and gets a pension out of it.

8. It’s okay not to respond to provocation

Chances are, the person egging you on is in more pain than you are. Pick your battles. Live to fight another day.

9. Knowing the battles you absolutely HAVE to fight for

Things like ending childhood poverty and ensuring equal workspaces for all ethnicities and genders isn’t “nice to do”, it’s something we should all be striving for because we live on the same damn planet, treating each other fairly is NOT too much to ask for.

10. Knowing your own boundaries

Conversely, you know that behavior that you hate but you put up with from your boyfriend? The demanding of emotional labor, the backhanded compliments or the outright abuse? What would happen if you told him to stop doing that? Or you asked your girlfriend to not talk down at you in front of your friends? Would they apologize and stop? Would they leave? Would leaving be such a bad thing?

11. Respecting divergent tastes, including your own

You like to read romance novels while your friends are into high-brow, cerebral murder mysteries? You don’t have to paint a coat of irony on top in order to justify it. And don’t go looking down your nose at people who love classic noir – you can think of Hitchcock as an overhyped misogynist bully without saying that Every. Time. Someone. Brings up. The birds.

12. Having the guts to ask for the things you want

A promotion? A date? Some peace so that you can study for your legal exams? Other people are not mind-readers, they can’t know what you’re thinking unless you tell them. Maybe your boss will say no, or that beautiful human you admire is in a relationship, but maybe they are not, and most non-arseholes will respect your need for quiet during a stressful period. You cannot expect others to guess your needs and desires. At some point, you have to stand up for what you want.

13. Learning to take ‘no’ for an answer

You don’t need a million life partners, friends, awards, or jobs (in fact, having a million jobs at once is highly discouraged.) What you need are people who are right for you and an occupation that you don’t utterly despise. Throwing a tantrum when you hear ‘no’ is what toddlers do. And even they get over it eventually.

14. Taking your safety seriously

Abuse is not sexy and if someone threatens you, take it seriously. Sock away money, hide, call the police, SAVE YOURSELF.

15. Acting with integrity whenever you can

Aside from putting yourself in harm’s way (see point 14) being an adult means acting with integrity regardless of whether you find the task pleasurable or not. You want to break up? Don’t cheat as a way out of a relationship. You hate your boss? Look for another job, but don’t go undermining them or poisoning the water for everyone who continues to work there.

16. Holding off on unsolicited advice

Unless someone asks you for advice (or you think they are at risk of immediate physical harm) don’t give your opinions on other people’s lives. You don’t approve of your friend’s diet? Keep it to yourself. You think your brother is dating a loser? It’s not your relationship. Judging other people doesn’t inspire them to change their behavior, it makes them reluctant to come to you for support.

17. Recognizing when something is above your paygrade

Your friend wants to make health changes? Help them make an appointment with a doctor and take them there, but don’t give them advice you’re not qualified to give. Yes, even if you are a doctor yourself. Aside from the fact that this would mean readjusting your relationship, do you honestly want to clock out of work and then go hang out at the pub and do EVEN MORE WORK?

18. Respecting other people’s wishes

Your friend shares something with you under strict secrecy. You think other people need to know. How do you proceed? The sad state of affairs is, there are very few cases when making a unilateral decision to break secrecy are justified. Knowing your boundaries might help you field off any situations where you feel like your personal ethics might stop you from respecting other people’s wishes, but don’t assume you know what is best for another adult.

19. Relationships are WORK

It’s not uncommon to fall out of contact with university mates, childhood besties, and beloved mentors. Life is an egg juggling act where you are constantly subtracting or adding items. Sooner or later you will drop some eggs. Try not to beat yourself up if you lose touch – if you want to reach out again when the juggling eases up, you absolutely can.

20. Trust that others will put in the effort for you, too

Here’s the thing: some relationships ARE lopsided for reasons that we have no control over. Bodies get sick, emergencies hit, and the weather does not give advanced warning to anybody. There are times when we are the ones doing the heavy lifting to maintain a relationship. The problem is when you are ALWAYS the one sacrificing “because it’s what friends do”. What if you stepped back and let the other person put in the effort, too? Is that a scary question? Why?

21. Calling bullshit on what it is

You want a relationship and some dude tries to negotiate down to FWB? Call bullshit. Your friend makes plans with you and expects you to foot the bill? Call bullshit. Your boss is calling you 24/7 on your sick days as if you are working from home? Politely tell them that you would not want to risk your team’s performance when you are not at 100%, and if they persist with that behavior, start exploring (covertly) your options. Don’t be a doormat (yes, I am talking to my 24-year-old self. WTF were you thinking?!)

22. You can absolutely survive without narcissists

Necessity, systematic oppression, and illness are all real factors that impact our lives differently. Some people DO have to put up with a lot of shit for the sake of their survival. But there are also many (many many many many many) others who accept terrible treatment at the hands of narcissists, because they are convinced they cannot survive without them. Don’t fall for this.

23. Knowing what matters to you and working for it

Yes, yes, budgeting is important. I know that you know. I’m talking about the bigger picture – where do you want to live? How do you want to live? What sorts of things matter to you? Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years’ time? I realize I sound like some preppy blogger with shiny hair, telling you to Make A Plan, but guess what? Keeping your visions of the future vague and undefined makes you seem like you don’t care about anything. In job interviews? That’s deadly.

24. Progress is not always linear

Sometimes you will take a step back. That’s okay, that allows you to heal and reevaluate. You wouldn’t expect someone to keep running a marathon if they twist their ankle on the second mile. You would get them some ice and a cupcake and tell them they will annihilate their PB next year.

25. It’s all just a number

Sometimes age matters, such as when you are evaluating your retirement options or when you work with a lot of children and teenagers. It also matters when you try to figure out why a man would only date girls who are half his age (answer: because no woman his age would put up with that bullshit). Other than that? Age doesn’t have to Be A Thing. Don’t make it one, and don’t let others take issue with it either.

We’re just getting started here. And we can make it awesome. 

[foursprout-blog]

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/25-things-you-absolutely-need-to-learn-before-25/

25 Things You Absolutely Need To Learn Before 25

Ryan Christodoulou

Before we begin: the original article on things you need to learn before you are 25 was published in 2005 and it is still relevant today as it was eighteen years ago. But in that time a lot more people have come of age, so I thought an homage wouldn’t hurt. (And yes, I write for myself as much as I do for you.)

1. Doing chores without complaining

Chores are a non-optional part of having your own space, like electric bills and not making renovations without checking in with the landlord first. Yes, ironing is work. Now you know how your parents feel.

2. “There’s no roaches” is not an acceptable standard of cleanliness

It’s unlikely that somebody will show up, cook a ten course meal, and then demand to eat it straight from your floor. You still want to be able to see the floor, have clean dishes, and a worktop that doesn’t have a six-month patina of dry pasta sauce and oil stains.

3. Putting things off that can be done in three minutes is unacceptable

The more you put something off, the guiltier you feel when you are reminded of it, the less you want to do it, the more guilt piles on. It’s a vicious circle. Just scrub the toilet and scan in the document to verify your medical insurance.

4. Respect people working in the service industry

I’m a former customer service rep, and now I teach alongside my PhD. Most of my friends have either worked or are currently doing some sort of customer-facing job. I can verify we are as human as anybody else. We are being paid to do work, not to take abuse. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and hold the curse words. It’s not that difficult.

5. Learn how to feed yourself

No, I’m not saying you should be a master chef or even versed in the fine art of reading nutrition labels. I’m saying, figure out what food you like, what it feels like to be hungry or full, then go about procuring said food so that you are fed at reasonable hours. Mooching off your roommates, or taking their stuff without replacing it, is not cool, and an invitation for someone to put laxatives in the milk.

6. Understand the value of a psychologist

I can write a whole piece on this. If you never have to visit a shrink in your life, that’s great. Shitting on people who do – not so much. A mental health professional is like any doctor. You wouldn’t ask any stranger off the street to do your root canal for free.

7. Your significant other/friends/family are not free emotional labor

Do people in relationships provide each other with support? Yes. Do they do that 24/7, nonstop, and unconditionally? No. Human beings experience compassion fatigue. The difference between your girlfriend and a counselor is that the counselor is trained to listen, and gets a pension out of it.

8. It’s okay not to respond to provocation

Chances are, the person egging you on is in more pain than you are. Pick your battles. Live to fight another day.

9. Knowing the battles you absolutely HAVE to fight for

Things like ending childhood poverty and ensuring equal workspaces for all ethnicities and genders isn’t “nice to do”, it’s something we should all be striving for because we live on the same damn planet, treating each other fairly is NOT too much to ask for.

10. Knowing your own boundaries

Conversely, you know that behavior that you hate but you put up with from your boyfriend? The demanding of emotional labor, the backhanded compliments or the outright abuse? What would happen if you told him to stop doing that? Or you asked your girlfriend to not talk down at you in front of your friends? Would they apologize and stop? Would they leave? Would leaving be such a bad thing?

11. Respecting divergent tastes, including your own

You like to read romance novels while your friends are into high-brow, cerebral murder mysteries? You don’t have to paint a coat of irony on top in order to justify it. And don’t go looking down your nose at people who love classic noir – you can think of Hitchcock as an overhyped misogynist bully without saying that Every. Time. Someone. Brings up. The birds.

12. Having the guts to ask for the things you want

A promotion? A date? Some peace so that you can study for your legal exams? Other people are not mind-readers, they can’t know what you’re thinking unless you tell them. Maybe your boss will say no, or that beautiful human you admire is in a relationship, but maybe they are not, and most non-arseholes will respect your need for quiet during a stressful period. You cannot expect others to guess your needs and desires. At some point, you have to stand up for what you want.

13. Learning to take ‘no’ for an answer

You don’t need a million life partners, friends, awards, or jobs (in fact, having a million jobs at once is highly discouraged.) What you need are people who are right for you and an occupation that you don’t utterly despise. Throwing a tantrum when you hear ‘no’ is what toddlers do. And even they get over it eventually.

14. Taking your safety seriously

Abuse is not sexy and if someone threatens you, take it seriously. Sock away money, hide, call the police, SAVE YOURSELF.

15. Acting with integrity whenever you can

Aside from putting yourself in harm’s way (see point 14) being an adult means acting with integrity regardless of whether you find the task pleasurable or not. You want to break up? Don’t cheat as a way out of a relationship. You hate your boss? Look for another job, but don’t go undermining them or poisoning the water for everyone who continues to work there.

16. Holding off on unsolicited advice

Unless someone asks you for advice (or you think they are at risk of immediate physical harm) don’t give your opinions on other people’s lives. You don’t approve of your friend’s diet? Keep it to yourself. You think your brother is dating a loser? It’s not your relationship. Judging other people doesn’t inspire them to change their behavior, it makes them reluctant to come to you for support.

17. Recognizing when something is above your paygrade

Your friend wants to make health changes? Help them make an appointment with a doctor and take them there, but don’t give them advice you’re not qualified to give. Yes, even if you are a doctor yourself. Aside from the fact that this would mean readjusting your relationship, do you honestly want to clock out of work and then go hang out at the pub and do EVEN MORE WORK?

18. Respecting other people’s wishes

Your friend shares something with you under strict secrecy. You think other people need to know. How do you proceed? The sad state of affairs is, there are very few cases when making a unilateral decision to break secrecy are justified. Knowing your boundaries might help you field off any situations where you feel like your personal ethics might stop you from respecting other people’s wishes, but don’t assume you know what is best for another adult.

19. Relationships are WORK

It’s not uncommon to fall out of contact with university mates, childhood besties, and beloved mentors. Life is an egg juggling act where you are constantly subtracting or adding items. Sooner or later you will drop some eggs. Try not to beat yourself up if you lose touch – if you want to reach out again when the juggling eases up, you absolutely can.

20. Trust that others will put in the effort for you, too

Here’s the thing: some relationships ARE lopsided for reasons that we have no control over. Bodies get sick, emergencies hit, and the weather does not give advanced warning to anybody. There are times when we are the ones doing the heavy lifting to maintain a relationship. The problem is when you are ALWAYS the one sacrificing “because it’s what friends do”. What if you stepped back and let the other person put in the effort, too? Is that a scary question? Why?

21. Calling bullshit on what it is

You want a relationship and some dude tries to negotiate down to FWB? Call bullshit. Your friend makes plans with you and expects you to foot the bill? Call bullshit. Your boss is calling you 24/7 on your sick days as if you are working from home? Politely tell them that you would not want to risk your team’s performance when you are not at 100%, and if they persist with that behavior, start exploring (covertly) your options. Don’t be a doormat (yes, I am talking to my 24-year-old self. WTF were you thinking?!)

22. You can absolutely survive without narcissists

Necessity, systematic oppression, and illness are all real factors that impact our lives differently. Some people DO have to put up with a lot of shit for the sake of their survival. But there are also many (many many many many many) others who accept terrible treatment at the hands of narcissists, because they are convinced they cannot survive without them. Don’t fall for this.

23. Knowing what matters to you and working for it

Yes, yes, budgeting is important. I know that you know. I’m talking about the bigger picture – where do you want to live? How do you want to live? What sorts of things matter to you? Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years’ time? I realize I sound like some preppy blogger with shiny hair, telling you to Make A Plan, but guess what? Keeping your visions of the future vague and undefined makes you seem like you don’t care about anything. In job interviews? That’s deadly.

24. Progress is not always linear

Sometimes you will take a step back. That’s okay, that allows you to heal and reevaluate. You wouldn’t expect someone to keep running a marathon if they twist their ankle on the second mile. You would get them some ice and a cupcake and tell them they will annihilate their PB next year.

25. It’s all just a number

Sometimes age matters, such as when you are evaluating your retirement options or when you work with a lot of children and teenagers. It also matters when you try to figure out why a man would only date girls who are half his age (answer: because no woman his age would put up with that bullshit). Other than that? Age doesn’t have to Be A Thing. Don’t make it one, and don’t let others take issue with it either.

We’re just getting started here. And we can make it awesome.