#i would never have thought to use tommy's speech to that kid

[unfinishedslurs]

gay bar (steddie)

“Well, well, well,” says a voice from behind. “Steeeeeeve Harrington. I must be dreaming.”

Steve turns around to see a guy, dressed in black and chains. Rings decorating his fingers, studs in his ears, curly hair pulled back in a ponytail. He’s hot, yeah, but something about him has Steve squinting, trying to figure out why he looks so familiar. 

“I know you from somewhere,” he says, pointing out the obvious. The guy knows his name.

The not-a-stranger snorts. “Of course you don’t remember me. Why would the likes of King Steve stoop to—“

As soon as the nickname leaves his mouth, Steve’s brain lights up. “Munson!” He exclaims, snapping his fingers. “You used to climb on the lunch tables to give speeches.”

It was so obnoxious, too. The kind of thing that had him and Robin reminiscing late at night, celebrating some of the weirder shit about Hawkins that didn’t come from monsters, or Russians, or government conspiracy. Remember that one asshole? Yeah, he stepped on my lunch one time!

Condolences to Robin’s pb&j. She never sat at that table again.

Munson’s whole face turns pink. “Seriously? That’s what you remember?”

“It was pretty fucking memorable, dude. Like, gross, doesn’t this guy know not to put his feet where people eat? Dustin thought you were so cool for it too. I had to nip that in the bud before he started imitating you or some shit.”

“Oh,” he says, voice gone flat. “Because God forbid some poor kid try to immolate the freak.”

Steve gives him his bitchiest, most deadpan stare. “Feet,” he says slowly. “Nasty, fifteen year old boy feet. On my kitchen table. He almost slipped and cracked his skull, and I would have sent you the hospital bill.”

He had to get creative to make him stop, too. Stood there, hands on his hips, and made Dustin tell him exactly how many germs he thought were on his shoes. Then when he tried to do it barefoot, decided the only course of action was to stuff Dustin’s abandoned sock in his mouth and ask if he wanted that shit with every meal. Erica still has the photos. 

Munson has the decency to look embarrassed, face flooding an even brighter red that wouldn’t be out of place in a tomato patch. “What are you even doing here, Harrington?”

What does he think Steve’s doing here? It’s a fucking gay bar, it’s pretty self explanatory. “My friend is here somewhere,” he says, waving out at the crowd of people. “She’s going through a dry spell, so…”

“Right,” Munson says. Steve squints at him. Does he look disappointed?

Eh. Doesn’t matter. 

“You gave my kids the best freshman year of their nerdy little lives,” he tells him, because he knows Dustin would want him to. Plus, the guy was Mike’s gay awakening. He should probably get some credit. “So thanks for that.”

He lights up. “Yeah! How was Hellfire in my absence?”

“I had to hear them bitch and moan for months about how it ‘wasn’t the same,’ but it’s doing pretty all right. Erica Sinclair is running it now.”

“Erica Sinclair…” Munson mutters, snapping his fingers. “Lucas Sinclair’s little sister? Lady Applejack?” He beams when Steve nods. “She kicked ass. Best finish to a campaign my entire high school career. How’s Lucas, anyway? And the rest of the runts.”

“He’s doing great,” Steve says. “College basketball at Yale. Pretty sure he’s dying under the workload, but that’s what you get for majoring in physics. Dustin’s at MIT, and Mike’s taking a gap year.”

He whistles lowly. “Yeesh, I don’t blame him. How about Byers?”

“Which one?”

“Zombie boy.” Steve’s hackles raise, but Munson just grins. “God, that nickname was badass.”

“How do you even know about that?”

Munson taps the side of his nose. “A magician never reveals his secrets. Besides, all it took for you to remember me was calling you by your high school nickname.”

“That wasn’t my nickname.” Steve rolls his eyes. “Literally three people ever actually called me that, and you were one of them.”

He has a feeling it was Tommy who started it, bitter and vicious. Told himself Steve was self possessed, high and mighty, above it all. That’s why he left his old friends behind. Not because he was in love, or because he wanted to be better. No, King Steve just sits alone in his castle, looking down on the peasants with contempt. 

Billy must have taken his angry ramblings and run with them. After all, what better way to get a start in a new town than declaring yourself royalty? Never mind that Steve hadn’t cared about anything like that for almost a year by then. 

Munson had just been a drama-loving asshole. 

“That can’t be right.”

“I stopped being popular in junior year. Why the hell would anyone call a sophomore King?” Steve points out. 

“You were Prom King.”

“Again, in junior year. Pickings were slim. Who else would it have been? Tommy?” He has to laugh. 

Luckily, Munson takes the hint and swerves the conversation into new territory. “You know, I always figured you’d be homophobic.”

Steve snorts. “What, and get kicked out for nothing?”

Munson stares at him, and Steve furrows his brow, looking into his glass like it will have the answer to why the hell he said that to this guy he barely knows. He just decided he wasn’t going to spill all his daddy issues to a near-stranger in a dingy bar, dammit. Is he already on his fifth drink?

Actually, this might be his sixth. That tracks. 

“What?”

“My dad caught me kissing a boy,” he says. If he’s going to give Munson his life story, he might as well commit. “Can you believe that boy ruined my life in three different ways? Two of them didn’t even have anything to do with the gay thing.” 

Maybe four ways, if you accounted for the way he broke his goddamn heart, but everyone and their mother saw that coming a mile away. Even Steve. Especially Steve. 

No offense to Jonathan. None of those things were really his fault. Or actually life ruining, but it sure fucking felt like it at the time. 

He should give him a call soon, actually, see how he and Argyle are doing. He misses the guy. Maybe he and Robin should save up for a visit to Cali. Get Nancy on it. They could see San Francisco while they were there, that’d be cool. Apparently it was the queer capital of the country. 

He’s thinking about asking the bartender for a napkin and a pen to write down the plans he’s forming when Munson speaks up again. Steve honestly forgot he was here. 

“I thought you said you were here for a friend.”

What?” Steve blinks, confused, and then catches on. “Yeah, to get her laid. I’m not in the mood right now.”

Munson cocks an eyebrow. “Wearing that? Could’ve fooled me.”

Steve looks down at his Springsteen T-Shirt that Robin cropped, and picks at the frayed hem of his shorts. Okay, yeah, they’re on the skimpy side, but in his defense it’s summer and even if he’s not cruising Steve likes being looked at. “Yeah, yeah. What about you? Here for anything in particular?”

“Just to talk to some pretty boys,” Munson says, leaning on the bar to flag down the bartender. Steve smirks, reaching out a hand to tug at the hanky in his back pocket. Pinned, damn. 

Munson whirls around, a flush starting to crawl onto his ears. 

“Wearing that?” Steve echos snarkily. “Could’ve fooled me.”

He swears that for a minute Munson’s eyes darken. 

He’s almost tempted to follow through, high school reputation be damned, when someone crashes into his side and nearly sends him careening. 

“Steeeeeve,” Robin yells happily into his ear. “This is Bernie, she’s gonna take me home, see you la—oh, hi!” She says, noticing Munson. “I know you from somewhere.”

“Eddie Munson,” Munson greets. “Steve and I went to high school together.”

“Munson! That’s it, you climbed on tables and had shit music. I’m Robin. Okay, I’ll call the apartment and leave a message when we get there. Bernie’s waiting on me, it’s-nice-to-meet-you-bye!” Just like that, she’s gone. 

Munson’s mouth has dropped open. “You told her I had shit music?” He demands. “Wait, you talked about me?”

“She went to school with us, dumbass,” he says, as if he can talk. He still barely remembers her as more than a vague, glowering figure in his peripheral. “It’s not my fault you blasted your screamy music for everyone in the parking lot. Such a fucking headache, God.”

Munson turns his nose up. “Sorry for having offended your jock sensibilities.”

“Oh, I don’t play anymore,” he says, and knocks on his head. “Concussions, yanno. Apparently brain damage will fuck you up. Who knew?”

“What, like the fight you had with Byers? He did you that bad?”

“He did me just fine,” Steve blurts out, before he can stop himself. Munson chokes. “Shit, sorry, I’m kind of a horny drunk.” Weird thing to say, Steve. “Also, I cannot stress enough how much I needed to be punched in the face. It was a monumental moment for me, you know. Started me on the path for changing my entire worldview. Plus, he was my first guy crush.” He swirls his empty glass, lost in thought, before brightening up. “I should call him!”

Munson is staring at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

“What?”

“You’re drunk.”

“Well, yeah. Duh.”

“I should probably stop you from booty-calling the guy who punched you in the face.”

Steve wrinkles his nose. “It wouldn’t be a booty-call,” he says. “He and Argyle are happy together, man. I’m not gonna ruin that.”

“Oh, so you’d call him because…”

“I call him all the time,” Steve says, confused as to why this is such a big deal. “We’re friends.”

“Jonathan!” He yells happily into the pay phone. Munson is standing to the side, looking on in annoyance. Whatever, it’s not like Steve asked him to do this. “Jonathan, man, how are you?”

“…Steve?”

“Yeah!”

“It’s like…” he hears something clatter in the background, like Jonathan is looking for something, “two in the morning there. You okay?”

“I’m doing great!” He exclaims. “How about you? It’s been ages, man, I miss you.”

“This is so fucking weird,” Munson whispers behind him. Steve ignores him. 

“Are you drunk?”

“No,” he says. “Well, maybe a little. Do you not miss me too?” He pouts, and Jonathan sighs loud enough he hears it over the phone. 

“I just talked to you yesterday.”

Steve frowns. “Yesterday? That can’t be right, it’s been, like, forever. Oh, hey, have you heard from Nance lately? How’s your mom? I love your mom, she’s so fucking cool. Does she know I think she’s cool? How’s Will? It’s been so long, is he taller than me yet? How’s Argyle doing with his degree? I miss you guys.”

“We miss you too, Steve.”

“Awww, Byers, getting soppy on me? Gross, man.”

“You literally just—yeah, okay. Are you alone?”

“Nah, I’ve got this guy with me, he’s walking me home. Oh! Dude, do you remember Munson?”

“Munson?”

“Yeah, Eddie Munson! From high school! The one who used to climb on tables and shit, remember him?”

“Jesus Christ,” Munson groans. “Please let that die.”

“No one is dying,” Steve informs him seriously, and turns back to the phone. Munson sighs. 

“Wasn’t he a drug dealer?”

“Yes! Yeah, drug dealer Munson! Did you ever buy from him?” He turns to where Munson is looking around furtively. “Did Jonathan ever buy from you?”

“How about we not talk about this here,” Munson says through gritted teeth. Steve sighs and turns back to the phone. 

“Never mind, he says he doesn’t want to talk about that. Not like we can judge him, but whatever. Maybe the guy’s turned into a prude—“

“Okay, give me that.” Munson wrestles the phone out of his hand, and Steve whines at him. “Hey, Byers,” Munson says. “Yeah, it’s Eddie. Or Munson. Whatever. Listen, I’m getting kind of sick of standing here watching Harrington slobber all over the receiver, can he call you tomorrow? What? No, I don’t sell anymore—yeah, total bummer, whatever. Listen, I’ll get him home safe—no, I’m not going to serial murder him. He’s gonna be fine, he’ll call you tomorrow—Nancy Wheeler? Like that girl he dated? Didn’t you—shoot me? Jesus, okay! I’m not gonna kill the guy, Christ. He’s gonna be fine, oh my God. He’ll call you tomorrow. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. Bye.” He slams the phone into its holder with more than a little contempt. 

“Hey!” Steve protests. “You didn’t let me say bye.”

“You can call him tomorrow and apologize,” Munson says. “Now c’mon, Harrington. I’ve been tasked with getting you home safe, and if I fail, apparently Nancy fucking Wheeler is going to shoot me in the balls.”

“Oh, yeah, she’s really hot when she does that,” Steve says fondly, and Munson splutters. 

“What, does Wheeler just go around shooting people? Does she even have a gun?”

“Of course Nancy has a gun.” Steve frowns. It was one of the sure things in the universe at this point. The sky is blue, Hawkins is fucked up, and Nancy Wheeler has a gun. “And she doesn’t shoot people, stupid. Well, she shot at Billy, but he deserved it.”

“Billy?” Munson mutters, starting to usher Steve in the direction of home. “Who the fuck is Billy?”

“He was trying to kill her first!” Steve defends. “I hit him with a car before he could, so she was okay.”

“Okay, yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t you hit some guy with a car? 

“It wasn’t some guy,” Steve says. “It was Billy. He was, like, possessed or some shit. Oh, and he beat me up. Total psycho.  And that was before the melted flesh monster.”

Munson stops and stares at him. “You know what, sure. Demonic possession. Yeah, okay. Some guy named Billy kicked your ass—wait, are you talking about Billy Hargrove?”

Steve lights up. “Yeah! You remember that? That’s one of the concussions I was talking about. I gotta wear glasses 'cuza that shit. Man, fuck that guy.”

“Didn’t he die?”

“Oh, yeah,” Steve frowns down at the ground. “Shit, I’m, like, speaking ill of the dead, aren’t I? Max wouldn't like that. Unfuck him, or whatever.”

“You wanna come up?” He asks. “For old times sake?”

Munson stares at him like it’s the craziest thing he’s said all evening. “‘Old times’ was your asshole friends calling me a satan worshiper and pushing me around in hallways, Harrington.”

“I know.” He grins. If he was sober he’d definitely feel worse about that, but as it is he’s pretty single minded. “Don't you kind of want to make me cry about it?”

Deer in headlights isn’t usually a good look, but Munson’s got the eyes to make it work. Or Steve is drunk. Either way, it’s kinda cute. 

“You’re drunk,” he finally says, stumbling over the words a little. If Steve pays close attention and ignores most of reality, it almost sounds like he’s trying to convince both of them. “You’re so incredibly drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.” He totally is. 

“I just had to supervise you calling Jonathan Byers so you didn’t say something you’d regret in the morning.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve asks, offended. “I love Jonathan! I tell him all the time. Just because I said he ruined my life—“

“That was him?”

“Did I not say that? Huh. Whatever. Point is, I’m not that drunk.”

“You’re definitely drunk,” Munson says. “I’m not—yeah, no. I’m not coming up.”

“Damn.” Steve shrugs, not too put out about it. It’s a bummer, sure, but he handles rejection like a champ. Just ask Robin. “Worth a shot. See you ‘round, Munson.”

“Don’t kill me,” Steve says. 

“Oh, god, did you punch him?”

“No, I, uh.” Steve rubs the bridge of his nose. “I think I tried to fuck him.”

He has to hold the phone away from his face so Dustin’s screeching doesn’t break his eardrums. 

“Your exes are weirdly protective of you,” Munson says blandly. “Also, didn’t they date?”

“Yeah,” Steve shrugs, not exactly eager to start spilling his life story again now that he’s sober. Munson doesn’t need to know more about his dating history than he already does. “We’re all a little weird about each other, sorry.”

“Weird about your exes,” he hums. “No wonder you’re single.”

“Oh, fuck you. It’s not like that.”

He raises an eyebrow. “No?”

“Are you always this nosy?” Steve asks, a little waspish. 

“Absolutely,” Munson replies without hesitation. “I’d say sorry, but I’m not. When did you even date him?”

“Dude.”

Munson just cocks an expectant eyebrow, hip resting against the bar. He can’t imagine why someone would be so interested in the romantic lives of their old high school classmates. It’s not like Steve is about to ask what was going on between him and Chrissy Cunningham. 

“Well, Harrington?”

“First grade,” Steve answers, deadpan. He grins when Munson chokes. “Nah, it was actually after he and Nancy broke up. Fall of ‘86.”

Arms squeeze him from behind, and Robin slides into view, leaving one hand wrapped pointedly around Steve’s waist. She gets clingy when she thinks someone is bothering him, or when she’s just on the side of drunk that she gets possessive. She told him, embarrassed and hungover, that it’s because she registers someone he’s getting along with as infringing on “her Steve time.” Steve thinks it’s hilarious and kind of sweet, an obvious lesbian trying to pretend he’s her date. Especially because he gets the same way when he’s tipsy and feels like he doesn’t have enough of her attention, so she can't yell at him for being a cockblock. Cuntblock. Whatever the lesbians call it.

He wonders what category she thinks Eddie is. Of guy, that is. Not block-anything.

He'd actually be pretty damn happy if the guy miraculously changed his mind and decided to sit on his cock instead.

“What’s going on here?” She asks, almost cattily. He loves when Robin gets bitchy. It brings him back to their Scoops days, except he gets to see it turned on someone else. 

“I’m telling Eddie my life story,” Steve says blithely.

“Ugh. Who would want that?”

Eddie grins. “I’m curious about the adventures of a former king.” He dips his head in a bow, waving his hand in a flourish. “I don’t know if you remember me from last time, I’m Eddie—“

“Munson, I know. You stepped on my lunch in junior year.”

Eddie turns beet red in record time. 

“Aww, Robbie,” Steve almost coos. “Leave him alone. I wanted to be the one who made him blush like that.”

“It’s not my fault your boy’s easy.”

“Not my boy, clearly,” he mutters under his breath. “And if he were easy, I’d have gotten fucked by now.”

Eddie’s mouth drops open with a choked little sound. Whoops. Steve forgot volume control again. 

Robin takes one look at Eddie’s face and bursts into cackles. 

“He was asking about,” he waved a hand in the air, “the whole Nancy-Jonathan thing.”

Her eyebrows jut up. “You told him about the threesome?”

“The what?”

Steve sighs. “No, Robin. I did not tell him about the threesome.”

“…oops.”

“When?” Eddie demands. 

Robin gives him the evil eye. “Why are you being weird about this? It’s not gonna make him fuck you.”

Steve wisely keeps his mouth shut. 

Eddie does not. “Your boy here already asked,” he smirks, leaning closer. “I said no.”

Then, as an added punch to his ego, he twirls a strand of Steve’s hair around his finger and tugs slightly. Steve’s too stunned to protest. 

Robin watches the exchange. “Oh, no thank you,” she says. “Nope. I’m out. I don’t want to see whatever this is. Ugh, stop making me hear about your sex life.”

Hypocrite. “We have thin walls, Buckley,” Steve reminds her. He turns to Eddie and stage whispers, “She likes her girls loud.”

“Steve!”

“You do!”

“Oh, because you’re so quiet,” she snaps, smacking him. “How many times have I had to bang on the wall because you couldn’t keep it down? You wanna talk about loud? I know more about you than I ever wanted to.”

His mouth drops open in mortification. “You know it’s rude to be mean to the man who told you how to eat out,” he hisses. 

“I’m not dying without fucking Eddie Munson,” he declares. “I mean, his high school nickname was literally ‘The Freak.’ He’s got to be good in bed, right?”

“I think that was mostly because everyone thought he was communing with the Devil or something.”

“Maybe the Devil gave him sex magic.”

“Of course he thinks I’m cute.”

“I do?”

“Do you not?” Steve turns to him, widening his eyes in the same pout that always has Robin throwing something at his face, or the kids reluctantly agreeing to do what he wants. He’s found it’s useful for guys too, especially if he ducks his head to seem smaller and looks through his eyelashes. Makes them imagine him looking like that on his knees. 

Munson is no exception. He melts faster than Steve can say gotcha. “You’re very cute, Harrington,” he purrs, and Robin snorts into her drink. 

“You’re a weak, weak man, Eddie Munson,” she tells a blushing Eddie. Then she kicks Steve. “Stop bringing out the ‘fuck me’ eyes when I’m around, I’ll gag.”

“You could leave.”

She gasps, affronted, and kicks him harder.

“So you would fuck me if I wasn’t drunk?”

“Uh…” he looks everywhere but Steve’s face, which is just rude. He has a very nice face. He’s been called dreamy before. 

Which made Robin laugh so hard she fell off the couch when he told her, but he’ll take the lesbian’s opinion with a grain of salt. 

He makes his way onto the dance floor. He’s not a particularly good dancer, but he shakes his ass like he means it. Gets up close with a guy, stares at Eddie the whole time. Keeping eye contact as the guy puts his hands on his hips. 

Look, he means to say. This could be you. You could lose your chance if you’re not careful. 

From the burning in Eddie’s eyes, he gets the message. 

The message is a bunch of bullshit. It’s been over four months, he’s in too deep to go fuck off with someone else now. Still, he enjoys the way Eddie’s hands flex on his thighs, like he had to stop himself from reaching out. 

The thing is, Steve’s not an asshole. He can take a hint. No means no, and all that jazz. If Eddie really didn’t want him, he’d fuck right off and find someone who did. He even started to.

Except Eddie pouted up a storm when he flirted with someone else. Got even clingier when Steve tried to back off. At this point, he’s accepted that Eddie does want to fuck him, and maybe even be more (no one flirts with someone as long as they’ve been doing without wanting something like a relationship out of it. At least, he hopes there’s something more on the horizon), but has some weird hang up about Steve being even a little bit buzzed when it happens. Even though they only ever see each other at this fucking bar.

The problem is Steve has no idea when Eddie will be at the bar. He’ll stay sober one night, hoping to see him, and then go home alone only for next time to be when he sees telltale curls and a wide smile. It’s driving him up the wall. 

Robin has been similarly affected.

“It’s been six months,” she growls as Steve looks eagerly around. “Six fucking months of you two dancing around in the worlds most annoying mating ritual. I’m going to kill both of you.”

“We’re not that bad,” he says absently. 

“You don’t even have his phone number. It’s pathetic. I swear to God, if you see him again and don’t get laid I’m reviving the scoops board. I will go out and buy a whiteboard to keep track of all the times you strike out with a man who used to walk on tables. He stepped on my lunch, Steve. Do I need to keep bringing up the fact he stepped on my delicious, nutritious PB&J? I can’t believe that’s the guy you decide to be obsessed with, that’s so fucking embarrassing for you.”

“Embarrassing? You mean like your crush on my ex girlfriend?”

She screeches wordlessly, pulling her keychain off her belt loop and attacking him with it. 

Naturally, that’s how Eddie finds them. 

“I swear you guys get weirder every time I see you.”

Steve grins guilelessly at him, holding a flailing Robin in a headlock. 

“Eddie! Hey! It’s been a minute.” He hasn’t been able to come in a month, and it’s been longer since he’s seen him. It’s honestly one of the deciding factors on whether it’s a passing fancy or a full blown crush. He still went to sleep every night thinking about Eddie. It didn’t even have to be about sex. 

Although maybe not sleeping with anyone else for half a year should have tipped him off sooner. 

“Sure has, big boy. I was starting to think you were getting sick of me.” It’s a joke, but Steve catches an undercurrent of insecurity. 

“That’d make my life easier,” Robin snorts. She finally wiggles her way out of his hold. “I saw Arty somewhere around here, I’m gonna see if I can crash at her place tonight.” She levels Eddie with a look. “He hasn’t had anything to drink. If you don’t put him out of his misery, I will. And it won’t be the good kind. It will be the bad kind. With bad screams. Lots of screaming, and someone will call the pigs, and I’ll be arrested and jailed for life. Do you want me to go to jail, Munson?”

Eddie shakes his head dumbly. 

“Good! Then do something about it.” She slaps Steve’s back, a mocking echo of his jock days. “Go get ‘em, slugger!” 

With that, she’s gone, disappearing into the crowd. 

“She is,” Steve remarks with amusement, “the worst wingman on planet Earth. Mars too, probably.”

“I dunno, I think it might be working.”

“I’m not doing anything without a condom,” he says, eyes narrowed like he’s waiting for an argument. 

“Me neither,” Steve agrees. “Robin has, like, this big fear of diseases. Totally got me with it. She pulled out the library books, those pictures were fucking disgusting. Shit showed up in my dreams, man. Neither of us do anything without protection.”

“I’m going to be totally honest with you, because I haven’t been and it’s starting to eat at me,” Eddie says, hovering above Steve. 

Steve wrinkles his nose. “What is it? Are you a spy or something? Are you Russian? Do you have superpowers? Is your name not actually Eddie?” He pauses. “Oh, God, you’re not even Eddie Munson, are you? I’m just some asshole who’s been calling you by my old classmates name and you were too embarrassed to correct me. Shit, we made so much fun of you for walking on tables too—“

“What?” Eddie covers his mouth, expression hovering between amused and baffled. “What the fuck, why would I go along with that? No, Jesus, I’m Eddie Munson. Moved to Hawkins when I was eleven, took senior year three times, walked on the fucking tables, could you let that go?” He moves the hand covering Steve’s mouth to play with his hair, looking annoyed for a minute before it smoothes to trepidation. “No, I, uh, I just felt like I needed to tell you that I used to have a hate-boner for you in high school. Like, I used to jack it to the thought of kicking your ass and making a mess outta you. In more ways than one.”

Steve stares. 

“Also, that’s kind of why I approached you in the bar in the first place,” Eddie blabbers on. “And then you said you were just there for a friend, and I was disappointed but it’s whatever, yanno? And then then you told me about your dad, and threw my expectations to the fucking wolves, and then you asked me to come up to your apartment except you were drunk and you probably didn’t mean it. But then the next time I saw you, you kept flirting with me, which you were not supposed to do, and I kept pretending that wasn’t the reason I even talked to you in the first place, and, uh, yeah.” He smiles nervously. “Surprise?”

“I mean, not really.”

“You’re such an asshole, fuck off. At least pretend to be shocked.”

“It’s not my fault you stare at my legs all the time,” Steve says, affronted. “I know I didn’t do too good in school, but I’m not dumb enough to miss that. Like, hello, my eyes are up here.”

Eddie lets his arms give out, flopping on top of Steve heavily. Steve wheezes. “Am I really that obvious?” He whines into his shoulder. 

“You got sad and pouty when I even looked at another guy.”

“You could’ve fucked him,” he mumbles. “The guy you were dancing with. It wasn’t any of my business. I’m a big boy, I can deal.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to fuck him,” Steve says. “I wanted to fuck you. Can we go back to that please?”

“Thought I was fucking you.”

“Someone’s getting fucked or Robin will kill both of us. I’d like to live tomorrow morning. And not have to deal with any more of her teasing for having no game.”

“You have unfortunate amounts of game,” Eddie sighs, tracing the side of Steve’s neck. It tickles. “It’s kind of embarrassing for me.”

“Yeah, yeah, are we using those condoms or not, Moodkiller?”

“Oh, I’m the mood killer?”

“Yes,” Steve says matter of factly, and pulls him in for a kiss before he can protest.

[bnecaz]

Girlfriend privileges

Lottie Matthews x F!reader

Summary: After Jackie passes the lead to Lottie for a few weeks, the rest of the team isn't so happy

It felt more like a nightmare to be honest

while the girls were spending the last of their energy every day training all day and arriving at their respective homes only in the early hours of the morning, some getting scolded by their parents but in the end it would pay off, it probably couldn't get any worse

Jackie Taylor was in charge of being the leader this year, but she didn't have the golden patience to be the leader, you and Shauna had a little fight a while ago for a silly reason, and in training you had to train together forcibly, and Jackie didn't know deal with that

" Don't you look where you are, you idiot?" Shauna shouts from the other side of the lawn, attracting the attention of Laura Lee and Natalie who sighs "Fuck you shauna" you retaliate rolling your eyes" Are you too busy looking at your girlfriend or some shit?" "Stop!" Jackie screams when she sees how close you and Shauna are, her screams making no difference

"Maybe you should go and have sex with the boys your best friend looks for you, that way your mouth will be too busy for you to talk shit" you retort "Randy, his name isn't he?" You step back when you see Jackie running to at least try to alleviate the situation that seemed like it couldn't get any worse

Shauna approaches you and for a second it looks like she's going to hit you, then dramatically Jackie jumps in front of you and lands embarrassingly on the ground before Shauna can take it out on you, a loud scream echoing out and making everyone on the lawn look at Jackie, damn it. she looked destroyed there

"You are an idiot Jackie?" natalie screams

and this caused a lot of problems, since the beginning of the year, the team wouldn't stop fighting, every time they got together and it became a law, not to put you or taissa with shauna, or it could turn into a murder, and jackie was the only person who put order there

Jackie's leg seemed to be twisted, it was a real horror, on one side Laura Lee was praying, on the other Misty was trying to touch Jackie's leg and the coach was roughly pushing her away, the rest of the girls looked like statues as they looked at you and Shauna

Jackie made all the girls gather at her hospital bed, receiving sighs and low curses over her, it looked like a wake and no one even knew what they were doing there

And it was worse than some thought, she started giving a speech about you and shauna having to be friends and some shit like that, and started saying that she would probably never walk again that it showed she cared about the team "That doesn't even make sense" Taissa says and is interrupted "Please let me finish"

"I'm going to choose someone to be the leader" "For just a while of course, no one can replace me" Mari closes her eyes and rubs her temples when she sees laura lee raise her hand

"And the chosen person is the most trustworthy here, I would choose Laura Lee but...I think she is too good for that?" Jackie gives Laura Lee a smile when she sees her frown with a disappointed expression

"Lottie"

" You have got to be kidding"

𐂂

"Mari, you're not catching the ball, try again now with Gen"

That was the phrase that Lottie kept repeating over and over for the last 2 hours of training that seemed to turn into 10 hours, the team formation being extremely confused without Jackie, which was to be expected.

"I swear if I hear that word again I'll have wished I was Jackie" Van says, leaning on the goal rail

"We can't go on like this, I know Jackie was too important to lead us, but nationals are coming up" Lottie murmurs breathlessly "I'm going to have to be tough with you guys"

"What the fuck is this lottie?" nat starts to protest running over to lottie and rolling her eyes " You think you're fucking Tommy Shelby?" Natalie says raising an eyebrow

"Who is this" "It doesn't matter"

" The next person who loses the ball will have to walk the length of the pitch 3 times" Lottie says firmly

All the girls sigh but Lottie is unfazed by the curses, insults and even things almost being thrown in her face directly by Van "Are you kidding me?" Taissa snorts and looks at you "Your girlfriend is crazy! We should do some ritual to get Jackie back"

"Nothing to complain about, let's see if Mari doesn't lose the ball now" lottie and mari exchange looks and mari gives an arrogant smile and rolls her eyes, positioning herself while lottie returns to her seat

Training continues and the ball passes from Natalie to Mari, for the first time in the game, and Lottie raises an eyebrow, analyzing

You run to the other side and try to pull the ball from mari, who was already close to your goal, putting strength in your legs that you swear are going to roll over. Now you get closer to mari's legs and are about to turn the ball over when mari gives you One final push and the ball lands in the goal easily, damn it.

The whistle blows and you whimper looking at the girls running to the water fountain, you run to Lottie "I don't want to do this shit" you mumble, shaking your head in denial repeatedly "You are not going" Your eyes widen in genuine surprise and you raise an eyebrow

While the rest of the girls enter, some talking and others panting drinking water, Laura Lee is the first to arrive and sits on the floor "Why isn't she running yet" Shauna's voice resonates "She doesn't need to run" silence

"What!" Mari shouts entering "But would I have to run?" she snorts, crossing her arms "I changed my mind, let's start with who lost the ball for the first time" Lottie says firmly

"If that's so then, she should start. in the last training she let Laura Lee fall" they all nod and look at you "It's been a long time, just accept it, besides, Laura Lee is always in the front getting in the way"

Laura Lee widens her eyes and looks away "No offense" she looks at Laura Lee and raises her thumb; which is ignored

" That was 4 days ago" Taisa argues to Lottie and she just denies it "That doesn't justify it"

"You're only doing this because she's your girlfriend"

"No, she has this privilege because she's my girlfriend, it's different" Lottie says bluntly

"lottie!"

[findafight]

On the one-sided harringrove post- I feel it becomes infinitely funnier with bi steve. He likes men, just not Billy. Never Billy.

Oh yeah. When Billy fiiiirst comes to school with his music blaring Steve is head over heels for Nancy, so he might register that the guy with the Camaro and loud music has a good ass, but then billy opens his mouth and Steve is like "oh, no ass can make up for that personality." And continues with his life.

Just. Okay I like to project just a liiiiittle on Steve with him just. Not realizing his attraction to men isn't a straight thing. Like. Of course all straight people feel that way, you just kinda ignore it or don't do anything about it. So Steve is half way between being comfortable in his sexuality and being closeted to himself because buddy used Hawkeye Pierce as the blueprint of straightness.

So Billy is out here, wallowing in self hatred and internalized homophobia, hating Steve and wanting Steve and hating that he wants Steve and wishing Steve would pay attention to him enough for a hate fuck he can cry about later, and it's all very angsty. All the while Steve is just actually completely fine with thinking a dude is hot he's just got standards that include "not racist" "doesn't try to beat up kids" "hasn't made me blackout from head trauma"

Wait. Oh no. I feel an au coming on. Shit. Au where post S2 Robin hears piano coming from the band room after hours and is her curious self going "I must see who is this mysterious genius" and it's Steve. They get to talking and hanging out and all of a sudden Robin thinks they are actually good friends. Best friends. Somehow.

Cue them going to a band party together. Someone spikes their drinks with waayyyy more than they were expecting so they are blasted. Robin has to go pee but does not want to go alone so she drags Steve into the bathroom with her and makes him face away. He's like haha Woah you really had to pee. And she goes shut upppp and washes her hands but sits across from him. Steve smiles at her and gives her his speech about how amazing she is and how glad he is to be her friend (it is like March '85 so he is still not ready to get back out into dating yet). Robin tells him about Tammy. They sing. Someone slams the door open and kicks them out of the bathroom because there's a fuckin line.

They lay on the grass outside and look at the sky. Steve like. Caaaaasually mentions once having thought he was gonna marry Tommy when he was six and then realizing you just didn't do anything about those feelings and Robin's gotta shoot up going WHAT!! WHAAAT? Because it sounded like Steve coming out to her? Right after?? She came out to him??

And Steve is like yeah. Like you don't really have to? Easier to ignore it and flirt with girls who I like or think are hot. And poor Robin's brain is melting she's like please Steve I'm really drunk are you telling me you sometimes want to kiss boys? And he's like yes, obviously, everyone does. Just like everyone also wants to sometimes kiss girls. Except lesbians I guess who only want to kiss girls? And gay guys only want to kiss guy? Yeah that makes sense and straight people don't care but go for the opposite ya know?

Robin is like NO!! And calms down some and says "okay I'm telling you this because you are my friend and you just told me almost the same thing. Steve. I like girls and only like girls. That not a straight thing"

"yeah. You've said."

"but I am ninety nine percent positive that just because you like girls doesn't mean you're straight because you also like boys."

"what"

"yeah dude, I do not think this is a heterosexual experience you're describing. I'm not an expert but. Yeah.

"oh. Huh."

"yep."

"I definitely thought it was."

"your brain is so weird I'm still kind of obsessed with you."

"haha. Honestly I'm kind of obsessed with you. This is wild."

"well. At least I know you're stuck with me."

"ohhh nooooo whatever will I do with my best friend always around..."

ANYWAYS THE ACTUAL POINT OF THIS is not in fact the stobin. It's actually that

Sometime probably in may, when Steve is ready to be on the dating scene again, he gets with Eddie. Robin is happy for him but also so mad because he went from "probably shouldn't act gay even tho everyone feels a little gay sometimes" to "hey Robin what would you say if I said I got a boyfriend?" In less than two months. How does he have straight AND gay game. That's not fair.

Steddie getting together is a non event. Eddie is still like ewww sports and yet somehow he made out with Steve Harrington and the next day Steve asked if he wanted to get milkshakes and throw rocks into the quarry to see the splashes. Eddie must restrain himself from thinking it's a date because he knows it's not but it'd also be the perfect date (Eddie is a simple man)

At the end of the night steve kissed his cheek and says "I had a really great time..."

Eddie just blurted "hey do you want to be my boyfriend?"

To which Steve perks up like "yes! I'd like that!"

And Eddie didn't actually think he'd get that far so he was like "neat!! See you tomorrow!" before slamming the door in Steve's face.

So they're dating and Eddie disparages sports but Steve is like haha aw you don't like watching me play? Which is sooo mean to Eddie because obviously?? He likes?? Watching his boyfriend??? Run around in tiny shorts and sometimes shirtless?? He has to reevaluate some things he supposes.

All while this is happening Billy is still on his Greatest Homoerotic Rivals shtick with Steve. Eddie notices and is like to dude...what is with Billy? And Steve just sighs. Says Billy is weird and obsessed with him and glares all the time. It's a whole thing. Billy is pissed because what is Steve, his epic rival, doing hanging around some random band geek, his sister's bitchass friends, and maybe the local dealer.

Alright. Grad happens. Yay Steve! Poor Eddie. They go to some party , hang out with people, sell some drugs, etc. Billy is unfortunately also at this party, and is like. Lazer eyes boring into Steve's back. Very annoying. At some point, he sees Steve slip away and is like this is my chance so he follows him.

Howmever he comes across Steve, his epic and totally heterosexual rival, making out with Eddie the freak Munson.

And listen this is a scary thing to be caught inna town like Hawkins, but that's not the point of this post.

So Billy goes "what the hell?"

They turn around. Billy is still spluttering.

"what are you-why would you-- with him?!" He says.

Steve raises his eyebrows, alllll cocky confidence. He smirks a bit. Drawls. "Well, yeah. I like cock, billy. Just not yours."

Because the point of this post is that Steve is a bitch.

Thank you.

[mischievouslittlecreature]

Part 22: This Misery We've Made

Summary: As Tommy and Lizzie's wedding day draws near, Lucy battles doubts and insecurities about their arrangement.

Word Count: 6,221

Warnings: Smut.

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Chapter 2: Say We'll Be Okay

When Polly walked unexpectedly through the door, Lucy briefly panicked, thinking that she’d forgotten about a meeting Tommy was supposed to have with his aunt and accidentally double booked him. But one quick glance at the diary on her desk proved that not to be the case. She frowned a little, a pulse of trepidation finding its way into her throat. Polly looked every bit like royalty, dressed in a lavish, deep purple coat embellished by a fur collar over an equally expensive blouse and skirt, a wide brimmed hat atop her head. She was growing her hair out from the short style she’d worn it in during the vendetta, the dark curls styled neatly around her chin. 

“Polly,” Lucy greeted, sitting up straight. “Tommy’s in a meeting right now–” 

“Actually, I’m here to see you.”

Lucy blinked, the uneasiness within her growing even more pronounced. She always got nervous when talking with Polly without Tommy present to serve as a buffer between them. 

Polly’s dark eyes darted to where Adam was seated at the second desk in the office near the back.

“Adam,” Lucy said, getting the kid’s attention, “why don’t you take your lunch break a little early, today?”

He looked up from the speech he’d been editing, noticed Polly and the clear tension between them, and hastily put down his pen. “Are you sure, Lucy?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Go on.”

He got up and collected his hat and coat from the hooks by the wall, offering Polly a respectful nod and a soft “Mrs. Gray,” when he walked past her. 

“He seems to be settling in well,” Polly remarked, sliding off her gloves.

“Yeah. He’s a good kid. What do you need?” Capping her pen, Lucy folded her hands in front of her on top of the papers she’d been looking over before Polly came in. 

Removing her hat, Polly slid into one of the leather chairs across from her, meticulously crossing one leg over the other and laying her hat in her lap.

“Lizzie told me about the conditions you and Tommy put forth to her about the marriage.”

Lucy started to unconsciously fumble at the plain gold bands encircling her fingers. The wedding was in only a few short weeks, and to say that she was dreading it would be an understatement. Things had happened very quickly after the proposal.

“And?”

Polly lit one of her black cigarettes with the snap of a lighter, puffing on it greedily and eyeing Lucy with an obvious challenge in her dark eyes. “You really think that it’s a good idea for you and Tommy to keep up this…whatever it is that goes on between the two of you after he’s married?”

“We were still together after he married Grace–”

“That was different. He’s a politician now. His every move has the potential to invite scrutiny. If it gets out that he’s having an affair with his assistant, it could put his very position here in jeopardy.”  

I know that. You think that I don’t fucking know that? Lucy swallowed hard, reaching for the cigarette case on her desk, pulling one out and lighting it, stalling to give herself time to think of a response, hoping that Polly wouldn't notice the slight way that her hands trembled.

“We know the risks. We’ll be careful.”

“You two have never been nearly as good at being subtle as you think you are.” She shook her head. “I thought that it was a bad idea, him choosing to bring you along with him here in the first place. Too many people in Birmingham already know you two are caught up in some sort of…entanglement. Rumors are already starting to circulate. You really think that they’ll stop just because he marries someone else?”

Lucy crossed one arm around herself, her elbow moving to rest on her wrist. Holding her cigarette close to her face, she used her thumb to brush a few stray red locks out of her eyes. She could barely meet Polly’s harsh gaze. 

“Lucy,” placing her still smoking cigarette into the ashtray on the desk, Polly stood, planting both hands on the fine wood between them and leaning towards her, looming over her. For a moment fully encompassing the identity of the Shelby matriarch exerting her whole force of influence. “Being with you is not worth Tommy potentially losing everything he has worked so hard for.”

Hearing the words that had been circling over and over in her own head actually spoken aloud hit as hard as a slap would have. Lucy jerked sharply, cringing away in spite of herself. She stared at Polly destitutely.

“What would you have me do, Polly?” 

Polly’s dark eyes softened a fraction when she recognized the sorrow on Lucy’s face. “I think you already know.” 

“You really think that he would be unaffected if I just…left?” 

“He’d get over it. In time. Especially with a new, beautiful wife and two perfect children at his side.”

A small sound emitted from Lucy’s throat. It would have hurt less if Polly had walked in, dumped a bucket of gasoline over her head, and set her on fire.

Sometimes, the only thing that kept her from packing a bag in the middle of the night and going to the train station was knowing how heartbroken Tommy would be if she left. The mental images of him with tears in his eyes, chasing after her train, screaming for her to come back, was more than enough to convince her to stay. Despite everything, she still could not bring herself to leave his side. 

Who would take care of him, if she was gone? She certainly did not trust Polly to–at least not in the way that he really needed. Arthur, while his heart was in the right place, was too messed up to be of much help. Ada and Uncle Charlie could maybe both be of use, but they each had their own shit to deal with. They could not devote themselves entirely to Tommy in the way that Lucy did. 

But maybe Lizzie could…

Lucy shuddered, fingers clenching hard around her cigarette in an attempt to ground herself. She loved Tommy. She wanted nothing but good things for him. She could not leave him if she thought that her departure would cause him unhappiness. But if she could be sure that he could find happiness with Lizzie, if she knew that she could trust Lizzie to take care of him the way that he needed…

Polly reached across the table, and touched her shoulder. It was only then that Lucy realized that a single tear had slid down her cheek, with more gleaming unshed within her eyes.  

“I’m not trying to be cruel, dear. We’ve had our differences in the past, I know. I really am just looking out for the good of everyone.”

Lucy looked up at her, lips parted to speak, when the double doors leading into Tommy’s office opened. She hastily looked down and away, trying subtly to brush away the lone tear she had shed before Tommy stepped out with his colleague. He quirked a puzzled eyebrow at Polly’s presence, shaking the man’s hand and bidding him goodbye before turning to his aunt. 

“Hello, Polly. What are you doing here?”

“I was in the city running some errands, so thought that I’d come by and say hello,” Polly smiled, chipper as a chipmunk that had just found a whole bushel of nuts to keep it happy and well fed the entire winter.

Tommy’s eyes went to Lucy’s, not entirely buying Polly’s story. 

What happened? his expression asked, noticing something in her face. She just gave a miniscule shake of her head. 

It’s fine.

He didn’t look wholly convinced, but caught on that now wasn’t a good time to pry further.

“Well, since you’re here, we can talk about the latest developments. Have you spoken with Michael lately?”

“Yes, actually,” Polly started to launch into a recount of her latest phone call with Michael while Tommy shepherded her into his office. He didn’t look to be entirely listening to her, instead shooting Lucy a concerned glance from over his shoulder. She offered him a weak smile that only made him look more worried, and before following Polly into his office he leaned forward, and pressed a firm kiss between her brows. 

Whatever she said, don’t listen to it, his eyes told her. Lucy gave a tiny nod.

“Tommy?” Polly’s voice called from the office. 

“Coming,” he sighed, but didn’t actually move until after he’d brushed the back of his hand affectionately down Lucy’s cheek with a small, comforting smile. Despite herself, she leaned into the touch desperately, closing her eyes while his thumb stroked her skin. 

“I love you,” he mouthed to her when she finally met his gaze.

“Love you too,” she whispered hoarsely back, so quietly it was a wonder that he even heard her. With another gentle smile, he kissed the top of her head, ducking back into his office before Polly could shout for him again. He left the doors open, as if to let her know that she was more than welcome to join them at any time.   

Lucy raised a fist to rest against her lips as she stared after him, heart aching, and Polly’s words swirling around inside her head. 

∗ ∗ ∗

“Thank you again for the teddy bear. I swear that she hasn’t let it out of her grasp since I first gave it to her.”

Lucy smiled softly, leaning forward to watch Ruby play on the blanket Lizzie had set up for her in the sitting room. The aforementioned teddy bear was clutched in the baby’s arms, one of her chubby cheeks squished against it. Lucy was always buying her gifts. Tommy kept joking that she was going to spoil her, as if he were any better about not buying her anything and everything that he thought she might want. 

That sweet girl deserved to be spoiled as much as possible. 

 “I’m glad.”

“Thanks for coming by and watching her. I swear, with Tilly on holiday I haven’t gotten even a second to myself.” Lizzie finally swooped in from the kitchen with two teacups for them. With all the wedding planning and then her nanny taking a week long holiday, she looked more than a little frazzled.

“It’s no problem. I’m always happy to spend time with her.”

Lizzie’s gaze softened, passing Lucy her teacup and sitting down beside her on the couch, putting her own cup down on the table so she could reach over to stroke her daughter’s cheek. 

“Aren’t you excited, Ruby? We’ll be going to live with Daddy soon. You’ll get to see him allllll the time,” Lizzie cooed. The baby babbled excitedly and she giggled, leaning back. “God, she’s getting so big.”

Lucy nodded, remembering how fast Charlie had seemed to grow. “It always happens so fast.”

They both watched little Ruby play for a while, sipping on their tea in silence. Lucy knew that she needed to get going, but there was something that she needed to ask, before she did. 

Mustering up her courage, she took a deep breath, setting her teacup back down into its saucer. “Lizzie?”

“Mhm?” her gaze did not leave Ruby.

“Are you sure that you’re alright with our…with our arrangement for after you're married?”

Lizzie glanced at her, eyebrow raised. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Once it’s done, it won’t exactly be easy to back out of.”

“Yes, I know.” Lizzie splayed out her left hand, looking down at the glittering engagement ring on her finger. Lucy could only look at it for a moment before she had to glance away. “It’s all going to work itself out.”

Lucy examined her face closely. Something about the way that she said that last part had the fine hairs on the back of her arms standing on end. 

“Lizzie…” she spoke as gently as she could, terrified of accidentally setting her off. “You can’t force someone to love you. I don’t want you to go into this expecting that once the marriage license is signed he’ll just–”

“I know,” Lizzie cut her off, but Lucy did not really think that she did. There was a distant look on her face, a dreaminess as if she were lost in a faraway fantasy. One in which Lucy was certain that she did not exist and Tommy was falling over himself to kiss Lizzie’s feet. 

How many times had she attempted to get it through Lizzie’s head that she could not brute force Tommy into loving her the way that she wanted him to? Too many to count, at this point. There was not much more she could do but hope that Lizzie managed to figure it out for herself, and trust that she–like Tommy–could make her own decisions. 

“Okay,” she murmured, even though she felt anything but. 

∗ ∗ ∗

On the night before the wedding, it took nearly every ounce of willpower that Lucy had not to pack a bag and run far, far away. 

She felt sick with anxiety and guilt. Like a huge stone had been lodged in her gut. Polly’s words played on a loop inside her head, and the look of quiet hopefulness in Lizzie’s eyes flashed before her every time she shut her eyes. 

She had not mentioned the conversation she’d had with Polly to Tommy.

She knew that she probably should have, but she always hated it when he argued with any of his family because of her. So she kept her mouth shut, despite Polly’s words circling and festering in her mind. 

Would it not be better for everyone if she left? Tommy would not have to juggle prioritizing her along with Lizzie and everyone else, Ruby and Charlie would have a stable, normal household to grow up in, and Lizzie could finally have a shot at actually living out the fantasy she’d been dreaming of for years and years. No one in the family outside of Tommy would even miss her, and he could easily find a new assistant to replace her. There were plenty of qualified people, even amongst just the Blinders.  

“Lucy?”

She roused from her internal downward spiral at the sound of Tommy’s voice. He was standing in the middle of the bedroom, having already removed all his clothes save for his trousers, white button down shirt, and suspenders. He had his hands in his pockets, staring at her worriedly. When she looked up at him and he saw her face, he quickly came to sit beside her on the bed. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, carefully draping an arm around her. She let him pull her into his side, head coming to rest against his shoulder. 

“Mhm.”

“No, you’re not,” he argued back gently, lips finding the top of her head. “Worried about tomorrow?”

“Do you really think that this is a good idea?”

He frowned, confusion entering his eyes. “What? The wedding?”

She shook her head. “Us staying together.” 

The confusion morphed into panic. “What do you mean?”

Lucy swiped at her nose with the back of her hand, aware that she was about two seconds away from starting to cry. It felt like ever since the vendetta ended, most of what she did was either cry or mope around feeling sorry for herself. He must be so tired of having to comfort her all the damn time. 

Yet another thing to add to the list of improvements that her absence would bring: Tommy no longer would be burdened with having to take care of her. 

“Having an affair after you get married is a huge risk, Tommy. If someone finds out about it…it could ruin everything.”

Tommy drew back slightly to stare at her. His brows were pulled in, lips turning downwards, his gaze apprehensive and hurt. 

“Do you…” he swallowed hard, throat convulsing, and she realized that the question he was about to ask her was almost enough to bring him to tears. “Do you want to split up?”

“No. No; of course I don’t want to split up. I love you. But I don’t think that I could live with the guilt if I were the reason you lose everything you’ve worked so hard for.” She touched his face. “I don’t want to become a problem for you.”

His hand covered hers, squeezing against her knuckles. “You could never,” he said softly, leaning closer to bring their foreheads together. “It’ll be alright. We’ll be careful. Besides,” he angled his head to kiss her nose. “You think I’ll be the only MP having an affair? Most of them are sleeping with at least one other woman who’s not their wife. Hell, a lot of them have whole second families stashed away somewhere.”

He’d had her gather up dirt on a good many of his fellow MPs after he was elected. Just in case they ever needed to twist someone’s arm on something or ensure their silence on certain topics. She knew better than most the kinds of dirty secrets those men in their pompous, expensive suits and positions of power held close.  

“Listen,” Tommy wetted his lips, sitting up and taking a hold of both her shoulders. “If you really don’t want me to marry Lizzie, I won’t.”

“No, it’s fine…”

“If me marrying her means that I can’t be with you, then I won’t do it. You’re too important. I can’t lose you.”

She leaned closer, until their foreheads were touching, her fingertips laying upon his cheeks. “You have me. This marriage is what’s for the best. For you and Ruby.”

“Your happiness matters too.” 

She looked down with a sad smile. Sweet and gentle as his words were, they were hard to believe. Not when she’d put what was best for him over her being content every time.  

“Hey, look at me,” he coaxed her chin back up with his hand. “It does. It does. Ey?” He cradled the side of her face, thumb stroking her cheekbone. “We’re going to be just fine. I’ll make sure of it.”

She nodded shakily, breaths stuttering with the emotion inside her chest. 

“Come here,” he drew her closer, and she let her hands rest on his chest when he slanted his mouth over hers, kissing her in a way that was soft but impossibly deep, tongue stroking slowly into her mouth. 

She kissed him back, eager for him to drive away the storm inside her and silence the cruel voices in her own head. With a soft sound of desperation, Tommy’s hands went to her shirt, fumbling with the buttons. Lucy’s fingers found their way into his hair while he abandoned her lips to instead pepper kisses down her neck. His large hands were warm even through the material of her clothes. With a soft whine, Lucy pressed herself closer, chasing the heat of his touch. 

Soon as her shirt was fully open, he pushed it eagerly off of her shoulders, hands smoothing across her ribs. While he explored the newly exposed skin, she set to work getting him out of his own shirt, tossing the button down to join hers on the floor, then coaxing him to raise his arms enough so she could pull off the undershirt layered beneath. Tommy loosened the ties on her bra, pulling it away and almost immediately cupping both breasts in his hands, squeezing and massaging the globes of flesh, running his thumbs across her nipples until she trembled.

His mouth returned to hers, and as they kissed he got her out of her trousers and knickers and promptly manhandled her into his lap, an arm around her waist to help keep her balance. Their foreheads knocked clumsily against each other at their eagerness to steal more kisses, but neither seemed to care. 

By this time tomorrow, he would be married. Lucy wondered if moments like these with him would become a rare occurrence. Ones that she would have to hold dear and make the most of whenever she got the chance. 

As if reading her mind, Tommy pulled back just enough for their eyes to meet, thumb stroking her freckled cheek. 

“I’m always going to be yours. No matter what,” he said resolutely. 

Lucy felt a lump swell in her throat. “Don’t make me cry right now.”

His lips quirked up. “Sorry,” he kissed her again. “But I mean it.”

“I know. I know you do, love.” She found his lips once more, and he promptly banished any other thoughts of his impending nuptials with the opening of his mouth against hers, and the tender stroke of his hands down her back. 

After what happened to her during the vendetta, her back was covered in a mass of crisscrossed scars. Tommy’s hands traced the shape of them, as he had dozens of times before with both his hands and lips. The skin was more sensitive since the injuries that left it so mangled, and he kept his touch light and careful. 

Pressing down deeper into his lap, Lucy ground against the growing bulge in his trousers, earning herself a deep hiss. He tried to chase her when she drew back from their kisses, the small whine he released making her smile. 

Giving him a small, teasing smirk, she slid her hands down his body to fumble with his belt, Tommy lifting his hips dutifully to allow her to easily pull his trousers and briefs down his legs. 

His half hard cock sprang up, bobbing before her, and a low groan sounded from Tommy’s throat when she wrapped her hand around it, stroking him slowly to full hardness. As he swelled in her hand, she leaned forward to press kisses to his stomach, making her way lazily up his chest. Between her legs, her clit ached, her walls squeezing around nothing at the way his cock throbbed against her palm. 

The arm Tommy had around her waist gave her a small squeeze, readjusting her in his lap so that she could straddle one of his thighs. She moaned softly into his chest when she pressed down, grinding eagerly. Tommy hissed through his teeth at how wet she already was, her slick soaking his leg whilst she humped him. Peering up and seeing a sudden opportunity in their current position, Lucy settled her unoccupied hand on his ribs, dipping her head to suck one of his nipples into her mouth. He let out a startled grunt at the action, hips bucking into her hand of their volition. Lucy giggled, circling her tongue around him and enjoying the way he shivered as she bit lightly at the hardened peak. 

Letting him go with a small pop, she peered up at him innocently, probably looking far too pleased with herself at having caught him unawares. Tommy touched her cheek lightly, brows knitted in mock sternness that was greatly undercut by the sparkle in his eyes. 

“What was that for, eh?”

She shrugged, trying–and failing–to contain her grin as she gazed up at him. Tommy’s eyes narrowed playfully.

“You trying to get me to punish you, hm?” his hand stroked her face, and when his thumb passed across her lips, she nipped at it, snickering when he snatched it away.

“Always.”

His cock twitched in her hand, and she raised an amused eyebrow at him, taking note of the reaction.

“Get over here then,” he grunted, both hands landing on her hips. She bit her lip around her smile, letting him pull her into position over his cock. “Ready?”

She nodded, and he kissed her cheek, slowly guiding her down onto him. They both moaned at the stretch as she slowly took him into her inch by thick inch. 

“God, you’re always so tight,” burying his face in her neck, Tommy wrapped his arms around her. Lucy hummed, walls aching slightly at his considerable girth, giving herself a moment to adjust before she started to move. 

Tommy’s moans were low, his eyes lidded heavily whilst he watched her begin to bounce on him, hands situating to help guide her movements, their pace starting out slow. 

It was amazing how easily it was for her to realize just how silly she was being once his hands were on her. The way that he looked at her, with so much love and adoration brimming in his big blue eyes, was proof enough that he was just as unlikely as she was to be able to survive them being parted from each other. 

When he was there to help ground her, it was easier to quiet her insecurities and trust that he would ensure everything turned out alright. He cherished their relationship as much as she did; surely he would do everything within his power to keep it safe. 

It was when she was on her own, left with only her own thoughts to keep her company, without Tommy around to help balance out and quiet them, that she started to get into trouble. No matter how unreasonable and absurd she knew she was being, once she started to spiral, it was almost impossible for her to manage to stop it on her own. 

They’d learned that the hard way, during the holiday they took right after the vendetta was over, when they both nearly lost themselves to their ravaged minds. 

“Oh fuck, fuck. That feels good. Don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop, Lucy,” Tommy groaned, eyes rolling in his head when she started to pick up the pace and swiveled her hips on him. His grip on her tightened, cheek resting against hers while his head tipped back.

“Close,” she warned, as if he couldn’t already tell from the way she was moaning into his neck, walls fluttering around him.  

With a growl, his hips rolled up more vigorously into her, hand sneaking between their bodies to find her clit.

“Oh…” her eyes screwed shut, orgasm so close she could almost taste it. “Please, please…”

“Hm? Please, what, pretty girl?”

She sobbed at the low octave his voice had dipped into, hands scrambling at his powerful shoulders. Tommy chuckled.

“Can’t give you what you want if you won’t tell me, sweetheart.”

“H-harder…”

“Harder, eh? You mean like this?” Hand splaying out firmly at the small of her back to keep her from falling off, he started to snap his hips up with more force, adding more pressure to her clit as he did. 

She could only answer with a moan, drawing scratch marks down his back. Tommy chuckled, the vibrations reverberating throughout his chest and rumbling pleasantly against her. 

It took only a handful more thrusts, and a kiss to her temple, and she came hard. It sent explosive bursts of color flashing across her eyes, entire body tensing and relaxing simultaneously with the force of her orgasm. She held onto Tommy for dear life, and without even really thinking, so overcome with pleasure and affection for him, she bit into his shoulder. 

Tommy let out a massive moan, eyes rolling at the sting of her teeth against his skin. And suddenly he was seizing her in his arms and rolling them. Her back hit the mattress, one of his strong palms cradling the back of her head and neck to protect them.     

He practically loomed over her, something wild and animalistic awakened in his eyes. Lucy couldn’t quite stop the gasp that left her lips at how the sudden position change emphasized just how much bigger he was than her. 

But it didn’t feel threatening. Not in the slightest. To her, Tommy would never truly seem scary or intimidating. When it came to her, he only ever offered protection and love. 

Biting her lip, she stared at the center of his chest. She probably wouldn’t have been able to even recall her own name had someone asked. She was too encompassed by the feelings of being both incredibly protected and aroused. 

With a growl that seemed to echo throughout the entire room, Tommy started thrusting into her wildly. Lucy gasped, wrapping her legs around his waist, pulling him in tighter against her. 

“Fuck,” her eyes closed, head falling back as her hands moved from where they’d settled on his waist to instead smooth across his strong back, feeling the way his muscles clenched and shifted under his skin. Tommy chuckled when she reached down to briefly squeeze a handful of his ass, vibrations rumbling against her neck where his lips were pressing soft kisses and gentle nips. 

She could feel that he was drawing nearer to his release, his breaths stuttering in his chest, hips driving into hers desperately. He was entering her at an angle that had his pubic bone grinding against her clit with each thrust, and it did not take long for her to be teetering on the edge as well, walls starting to spasm around his twitching cock. 

“Shit,” Tommy grunted, hands fisting in the bedsheets on either side of her head. “Lucy.” He said her name like it was the most precious thing in the entire world, and she felt tears burn at the edges of her eyes. 

“Fill me up,” she half begged, head tipping back and eyes closing. Her second orgasm ripped through her with such ferocity that her legs twitched around Tommy’s waist, walls clamping down on him in a vice grip. 

Tommy cried out, one hand scrambling to seize hold of hers, lacing their fingers together and squeezing as he spilled his seed inside her. His forehead landed to rest on her temple, breaths heaving in his chest, hips thrusting lazily to prolong their pleasures until both were utterly spent.     

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Lucy stared up at the canopy covering the bed, Tommy’s weight comforting and heavy on top of her. He curled both arms underneath and around her, head turning to settle on her clavicle while his breathing returned to normal. She ran her fingers delicately through his soft dark hair, sighing when he pressed a delicate kiss to the hollow of her throat. 

When he finally did decide to move, it was to merely pull his softening cock out of her and maneuver them to lay on their sides facing each other. He always did worry about squishing her when she was under him. 

Lucy swallowed harshly when she looked into his eyes, his hand returning to its favorite pastime of stroking her face. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, tracing the shape of her lips. “I know that this whole thing is so fucking shitty for you, love.” The arm around her tightened, and he drew in a little closer to her. “Whatever you need from me to make it easier for you, please, just tell me. Don’t ever feel bad about it. You won’t be causing problems, or being selfish, I promise. I need to make sure that you’re okay.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, laying a hand on his waist, feeling his side expand with his breaths. 

“I mean it, if you really don’t want me to do this…”

“So long as Lizzie continues to be alright with our arrangement, I think it’ll be fine. It’s just going to take some getting used to at first.” 

“More for her than for you or me. Once the honeymoon is over, things will go mostly back to the way that they were before.”

“It still doesn’t seem fair to her.”

Tommy shrugged. “She agreed to it. And we’ve asked multiple times now if she’s still sure that she’s alright with the arrangement. She’s said yes every time.”

“She could still always change her mind.” The thought chilled Lucy to her core. What would they do if that happened? Tommy would be bound to her, unable to get away without creating an absolute shitshow. “Once the ink dries on that marriage license and the rings go on, she has you forever.” 

“No, she doesn’t.” Tommy propped himself up slightly, brows pulling together. His hand reached out for her face, taking firm hold of her cheek, thumb drawing across her cheekbone. “She doesn’t own me. I can make my own choices. We have made it as clear as we can what she is getting herself into. If she does change her mind, as far as I’m concerned, that’s her problem. Not ours. She’ll have to decide if she can live with what she agreed to or not. Rings can be taken off, love. If they have to be.”

“We both know that it’s not that simple.”

“Hey,” his grip tightened, forcing her to meet his worried eyes. “It doesn’t have to be forever.” 

Face creasing in confusion, she searched his eyes. “What do you mean?”

Tongue darting out to wet his lips, Tommy swallowed. “Well, after I retire from politics, or after Ruby comes of age, or when society becomes more accepting about things like divorce–”

She gaped at him. “You can’t possibly be serious.”

“Why not?”

“So, what? You just divorce her when the time is right?”

“Yes.”

“And then what?”

He shrugged. “And then…you and I could get married, if that’s what you wanted,” her heart did a little swoop. “Or we could carry on as we have before. Whatever you want.” 

“If you wait until Ruby is of age, that’s almost twenty years,” she frowned, suddenly deeply aware of her own thirty-three years. “You aren’t gonna want me anymore when I’m all old and wrinkly.”

“I’ll always want you.” 

“You make it really hard to argue with you when you’re being so bloody charming.”

He grinned, thumb running along her cheekbone. “Sorry,” he said, though he very obviously was not. He took hold of her face with both hands. “I know how bloody selfish it is to ask you to wait for me–”

“I’ll wait,” she said, without hesitation. His gaze softened, leaning down to kiss her deeply in gratitude.

“Thank you,” he dropped his face to peck her bare shoulder. “It isn’t forever. Remember that. And if we need to end it prematurely–if you need me to end it prematurely–even if the timing isn’t ideal, I’ll do it. Just say that word.” Leaning back, he cocked his head, suddenly very serious. “She doesn’t have me. You have me. Always.”

She started to sniffle. “I told you not to make me cry.”

He stroked away her tears and then engulfed her in a tight hug, her cheek squishing into his chest. “Sorry,” he said again, this time much more genuine. She shook her head against his apology, burrowing closer. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Lucy.” His cheek adjusted against her head. “Promise you will tell me if you’re having trouble in here,” he tapped the crown of her head and stroked her hair, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I don’t like the thought of you suffering in silence when I could help.”

“I don’t want to be all clingy and cause you more problems—“

“You and your needs are never a problem,” he leaned back, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. “And maybe I like you clingy.”

She snorted quietly at that. “It’s going to be hard to be away from you for so long.” The honeymoon was only planned to last a week, but it was easily the longest they’d ever been away from each other. 

Tommy let out a pained sound. “I really don’t want to go.”

She touched his jaw, trying to soothe him. “You might have fun…”

“She’s making us go to fucking Paris, Lucy.”

“I know,” she said softly. Her eyebrows had nearly risen all the way up to her hairline when Lizzie had announced Paris as the location she wanted them to honeymoon in. It made her wonder how Lizzie could claim that she knew Tommy at all, when she couldn’t even seem to understand why he might not be particularly thrilled to go anywhere located in France. “It’s just for a week,” she tried to convince herself as much as him. 

“We can talk on the phone.”

“Oh, she’ll love that.”

He shrugged. “That’s the price she pays for not wanting you to come.”

“Mm,” Lucy hummed, touching his face affectionately. Silence fell over them, just staring into each other’s eyes, caressing the other’s cheeks and jaws tenderly. 

“You still have my soul, you know?” she remarked, voice seeming very quiet in the otherwise dark stillness of the room. The first gift she ever gave him, presented at their first official meeting, during the deal that began the merging of their two beings into one. Please, don’t throw it away.  

Tommy’s hand took hold of one of hers, guiding it to press against his chest above his heart. “And you still have my heart.” Please, don’t break it, his eyes begged. Lucy swallowed at the memory of the night he offered it to her, as an equal trade for the soul she’d already relinquished to him. 

He urged her face up to look at him, her wide brown eyes meeting his icy blue ones. He kissed her softly, so much raw emotion packed into the brush of their lips that she nearly broke down into hysterical sobs right there in his arms. 

“We’re going to be okay.”

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[northlt03]

NEED TO RANT ABT THE SURGE IN BUCKTOMMYS!! No one I know irl watches this show so this is the only place I can talk about it. I see so many people hailing the queer ship and calling the breakup biphobic/ homophobic. MIND YOU THERE'S A HAPPY LESBIAN COUPLE WITH TWO KIDS IN THE SHOW!!!

Also, they never really addressed Tommy's problematic past and when asked about it in an interview, the actor said that Tommy (at the ripe young age of his 30s) was spewing sexism as a joke!!??? And didn't realize women could do the job (I saw this in a ss on a different post, excuse me if it's not real btw). Not to mention the racism when Hen and Chim first joined the 118.

I understand there are other characters who have done bad stuff, Buck cheating, Eddie cheating, Hen cheating, Bobby with the fire, but we had whole arcs of them being apologetic and guilty about it and realizing their mistake before ultimately working to be better people!!!

Tommy's past on the other hand is never even mentioned and in this episode they're trying to frame him as a queer hero.

MIND YOU he dated Abby in like 2015-ish and led her on for months if not years.

Am I disappointed in the episode? Not a lot, I love Eddie's dance, him being able to be happy, the talk with the priest, Eddie in a tank top, Madney being pregnant, Bobby Nash just existing and Maddie being an absolute icon as always.

What I don't like is Josh's speech. I'm sure he doesn't know about Tommy's past, but this was a conscious choice from the show runners to paint Tommy as a queer hero who's been through so much. Girl.

ALSO CALLING OLIVER STARK BIPHOBIC?? HAVE YALL LOST YOUR DAMN MINDS?

BUCK HAS FUCKED BEFORE!! HE USED TO BE A SLUT!!! OR DID YOU MORONS FORGET BUCK 1.0??? HIM BEING OPEN TO EXPLORE IS THE MOST IN CHARACTER THING.

#LETBUCKFUCK

He's just a bisexual who happens to be a slut!!! He's not perpetuating the "bisexuals cheat" thing.

ANYWAY i just needed to rant idk i don't like Tommy, he's always been weird, calling Buck "Evan" when he told his PARENTS to call him Buck because everyone important to him does so. The only time Tommy does call him Buck is when he's leaving (GOOD RIDDANCE).

Not to mention, how are you dating someone for half a year and don't know they don't like basketball????

They let him go too easy idk.

Kinda off topic and delusional, but I genuinely thought Buddie would kiss when Buck shows up at his place SDFGHJKL

[bleue-flora]

Hi,

do you think that c!Tommy threatened Dream with Sprit's remains because he values his discs more than anything else (to the point where he hesitated when he had to choose between two inanimate objects and his best friend) and he assumed that Dream would have the same values or something along those lines?

Cuz like if Tommy would just give up the discs then a lot of stuff would not even need to happen but unlike Dream (who gave up Spirit's leather) Tommy was unable to do that for the longest time.

I mean yes? Kinda. But also attachments and blackmail are very effective on the server and whole reason Tommy traded for Spirit in the first place. Though there is probably an element of parallelism or copying Dream with threatening to burn Spirit. What’s interesting is I think he would have actually given in and not rebelled against the black mail, except he realized it would never stop. Tommy isn’t going to use an attachment like he is, he’d use that blackmail to make Dream his personal slave (it’s not like he hasn’t don’t that before) so Dream likely realized either he can give up now and potentially lose Spirit or somewhere down the line after doing many things be forced by Tommy to do something that goes too far and he gives up Spirit anyways. At which point it’d be the same result either way, one just saving him much more humiliation amongst other things. Additionally, with George recently being griefed and repeatedly tried to be murdered it highlights his weakness. He can have all the armor and skill in the game but he’d still be vulnerable because of his attachments and that’s dangerous. Not just for him but anyone that he could be forced to turn against as well.

In fact, I think Dream understands attachments and what people would be willing to do for them and that’s why he took the discs, knowing that it would work…

Anyways, there is likely the thought in Tommy’s mind that other people would also do just about anything for their attachments and had that expectation going into his blackmailing of Dream. That short of getting him to murder George, Dream is his bitch. So I can imagine his shock at how Dream just suddenly denies it and says he only cares about the discs. Because just barely short on letting Tubbo die he’d do anything including die for his discs.

Now what’s funny or interesting that I just thought about, is obviously by denying he has any attachments he is protecting his attachments from being used against him. But he also says he only cares about the discs which if we consider Tommy the biggest threat to using oh I don’t know Spirit against him, then having the discs aka leverage over Tommy to stop that is really the only way. So in a backwards kinda way he actually is showing just how much he cares by having an obsession with the discs. By saying ‘burn Spirit I don’t care I’m going after you discs.’ He swapped the focus but is actually protecting Spirit more than if he gave in, because with the discs he can get Spirit. Once again highlighting the irony of that speech, because the only one who’s gonna yell passionately about having no attachments is a man with lots of attachments. The kid saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” is hurt by those words but trying not to be. Someone actually not hurt would just ignore them…. Maybe that makes sense… I’m sleepy so I feel like this is just rambling but, yea I like where your heads at, pretty on the mark I’d say…

[pluto-rainstorm]

Little bucktommy / madney ficlet cause I remembered that I'm a fic writer!

After dinner at Maddie and Chim's house, Tommy and Chimney have a heart-to-heart

‐-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The hum of music filled the air, emitting a soft atmosphere in the Buckley-Han house. The low lighting of the lamps made the kitchen-dining area warm and homey.

Plates clacked against each other as the Buckley siblings worked together to clear everything off the table, their quiet conversation was carried all the way to the kitchen sink where they moved in years of practice motion.

Both Tommy and Chimney were left at the table, nursing their drinks in their hands and watching their respective Buckley's. Chim then whipped his head round to look at Tommy, a burning question he's had for weeks now was bubbling up and this was his opportunity to ask away.

"I'm sorry, I just gotta ask, so you've been gay this whole time?" Chimney burst and broke the silence that had previously settled over them.

"Um... yes?" Tommy raised his eyebrows and torn his eyes away from Buck to give Chimney a questioning look.

"What about that girlfriend you had when you were at the 118, the one Gerrard always wanted to come make us dinner?" It's been eating at him ever since he saw that smudged soot all over Buck's face at his and Maddie's wedding.

Tommy laughed, clearly amused by this conversation. He hadn't imagined for a conversation like this one for desert, they just finished dinner.

"I'm guessing you never caught on to the fact that whenever he asked me what day she was coming," he gave him a pointed look "the day would always change."

That's when it hit Chim, all the talk of Tommy having a girlfriend back then but never actually seeing her? Tommy saying single is better? Not understanding the Kristen Stewart hype? It all made sense!

"Oh my god... how did I not notice that we never actually met her!"

Tommy just laughed again, one thing he loved about telling the truth to old friends he knew wouldn't judge him was their reactions to the little details. It made him feel seen in a way.

"Yeah, I made her up," he scratched the back of his neck and scrunched his nose, "well, she was my ex, but we broke up years before and I just didn't tell anyone."

"Why?" Chim said, he just wanted to understand his old colleague turned long time friend.

He shrugged, "It was easier to hide that way, and no one seemed to care when she didn't show up, we were always too busy," he lifted his drink and emptied the last bit before continuing, "that speech that Hen gave really put things into perspective for me, so I put in that complaint about Gerrard, I wanted to do something for others for once instead of just protecting myself from him or anyone else from the boys club we had going on."

Tommy put the glass on the table and looked up to spy on Buck and Maddie animatedly speaking to one another as they leant against the kitchen island, "All of that was also the reason why I was such a douchbag."

Chimney huffed an airy laugh, his eyes followed to where Tommy was looking, "Ay, you weren't that bad." He said sincerely.

"I could've been nicer." He felt ashamed, the guilt form someone he used to be, he turned to smile tightly at Chim.

"You were though," Chim waved his hand around, his eyes met Tommy's, "I mean eventually, and you hung out with me and Hen a lot after too, you're our friend tommy."

They shared a smile.

Tommy had a lot of time to dwell over his past crappy actions for years, and after everything he managed to make a friend for life in Chim, which still baffled him. Chimney just had a heart of gold and he admired that.

"Ya'know, I've known I was gay since I was a kid, I always had that feeling and all I did was push it down and away, far from who I wanted to be," his eyes drift back over to Buck as he laughs at whatever silly thing his sister just said, "and then Hen did her speech and I thought, maybe I just need do accept it, it did take me a while though, I mean we're talking about unravelling years upon years of hiding within lies here, moving to Harbour was my fresh start where I didn't have to tell those lies anymore cause no one knew the past me."

He smiled, "It felt really good."

"I'm proud of you, man" Chimney clapped him on his shoulder, his smile contagious.

Maddie and Buck chose that moment to walk back to their seats, more drinks in their hands.

"What are you two talking about?" Buck questioned as he sat in his chair next to Tommy. He passed him a beer.

"Just reminiscing." Tommy reached out and rubbed a hand along Buck's arm.

The smiles didn't leave their faces.

"Aw, how sweet!" Maddie chimed and leant against her husband.

Life was pretty good for Tommy and Chimney, they had their Buckley's and that's what really mattered.

[bugflies00]

i have thoughts about height headcanons

cwilbur is very tall, naturally, not as much as some of the otherworldly beings on the server like cranboo or cfoolish, but still in the 2m range (6’6). he’s a very ‘leaning’ guy: he leans in doorways, he slouches over sofas, he drapes himself over chairs. like a cat, his dad used to say. his posture also varies a lot. on one hand, like many other aspects of himself, he’s learned to control it (though not totally) and turn it into a performance when he needs it. so for eg, when he’d give a speech or something in lmanberg, his posture was impeccable. but like the rest of his performances, its exhausting and nowhere from perfect; so the moment people’s gazes were turned away from him, he’d slouch under the pressure and lose a couple inches. in pogtopia he had really bad back problems from constantly hunching over on himself and sleeping (or trying to) curled up in a ball on a hard bed, but he doesnt care nearly enough to make any effort to fix it. in general when he’s feeling insecure in front of other people he’ll use his height to his advantage to try and gain back any semblance of control over the situation. revivebur also does this sometimes so he looks more like his old self, the one people looked up to (metaphorically and physically). he feels like hes playing the part of the old wilbur, and after all he’s a performer who puts his all into his acting, including his posture. when hes with tommy, he does the same- both to keep up his ‘performance’ of the big brother he idolised, and also just to piss tommy off, even slightly. but interestingly, he doesnt do that with quackity. you’d think he’d take every opportunity to loom over his rival, make himself look superior in every way possible, but no. he doesnt slouch, either. he leans towards him. hes so enraptured by their dynamic and their fighting that even his body subconsciously turns towards what is making it feel so alive. he doesnt drop the act, of course not, everything about quackity and him is about façades and masks and playing with them, but his body betrays him. and when quackity snaps back that he never thinks of him at all, his shoulders hunch in before he can stop them. he’s always prided himself on being an actor, in his ability to control himself and his reactions, but his mask slips sometimes, and quackity seems to be the one most often the reason for it.

ctommy is also tall, especially for his age, but not as tall as cctommy. he’s more in the 1m75-1m80 range (5’9-5’10), cause at 17 he hasnt reached his adult height yet. at the start of lmanberg he was like. 1m68 (5’5) and he hit a big growth spurt at the start of season 2. by the end of exile, he’d gained about 10cm but he was so hunched over that you could barely tell. he also has a perpetual slouch, but for the most part, its less one of insecurity like wilbur, and more of a regular teenage slouch. he just cant be bothered about his posture. people tell him he’ll get back problems and he tells them to fuck off (he keeps quiet the fact that he already does. his back aches and so do his hands and his joints when he’s cold and his whole body hurts after revival. but he’s used to it.)

ctubbos short. im talking, 1m55-1m60 (5’1-5’2). and he does not give a shit. he’s felt powerless at times in his life, but it was never because of his height- it was his age, his lack of defenses, his situation. but he grew up with tommy who was always at least a head or two taller than him, so he has no problem whatsoever standing his ground in conversations with people sometimes several feet taller than him. when he and tommy were kids, they lived off scraps of food they stole from farms or markets; tubbo would always be the one they sent in to grab a loaf of bread from under the baker’s eyes, because he was so small with big hazel eyes that people naturally trusted him (more than tommy, who despite his similarly big blue eyes, already looked like a little shit). in snowchester he built a little wood ladder that he says is to switch the lightbulbs, but he mainly uses it to reach up and fluff up ranboos hair to piss him off.

cquackity is also short, though less (1m68 - 5’6) but unlike tubbo, it bothers him. not every day, but sometimes it leaves a sour taste in his mouth and a twist in his guts when people loom over him. it reminds him too much of that part of his life he doesnt like to think about, where he felt utterly powerless, where his body was source of constant jests and mocking remarks, where a figure with horns perpetually loomed over him, with a hand gripping his waist. he tells himself he’s over it, he doesn’t give a shit about schlatt or his words anymore, but he still gets antsy when someone has that kind of physical superiority over him. he hates not being in control, being made to feel lesser than, and height, while superficial and inconsequential to some, is one of those things he’ll never be able to control. with wilbur, he can’t help but notice the difference. when they’re arguing, he feels exasperation, fury, amusement, disdain (excitement), but never anxiety. for all his threats and big talk, wilbur doesnt loom over him like schlatt did. doesnt use that against him - though he perfectly could, its not like they’re above low blows like that. but he never does, like he somehow knows, and quackity tries very hard not to think about that.

cranboo is 7 feet tall and wears demonias.

[dreamsmearcampaign]

I'm pretty sure Dream agreed that their communities should just not interact. Like, there are so many parts, where Dream or Tommy or Tubbo were somewhat in the wrong or said the wrong thing.

Through, I would say that Tommy doesn't seem to want to engage in further drama and only had one short video, explaining the situation (r-slur) and the things he himself disliked Dream for, which are his own opinion and feelings.

Tubbo reacted to the whole situation and made a few assumptions, that were false and later on watching Dream's stream, he immediately admited he fucked up by saying those particular things (where Dream got Tom's mom phone, the hush money). While Dream, when confronted on similar opinionated overblown missteps, talked for half an hour about nothing at all to then admit that yeah, he might have been in the wrong.

I have a similar type of long speech and in this part I relate to Dream (am also neurogivergent), but I'm younger than him and have less social experience and when I recognize that I'm talking over the person and just spewing a soup of words that nobody will understand, I try to stop myself and ask some questions or let the person explain their opinion more to know that we're on the same track. I don't remember Dream asking a lot of specific questions, only vague ones like "where is context", while Tubbo had more thought out ones "why did you decide to use this particular example after this particular thing?" (I'm not quoting, okay? don't care that much to rewatch the whole thing).

I never watched either of them, my only POV from DreamSMP was Techno, who I saw interacting with Dream and Tommy, but I don't even know most of the lore.

I just think there are some parts everyone should admit. DreamSMP had a lot of internal problems. And it wasn't a safe space for many people involved. Dream admits how the communication behind the scenes wasn't great and that how can he dispute a rumor, when nobody tells him that rumor exits. But the server had his literal name, he was the main guy there. I would assume he'd take the responsibility for creating a good working environment by monitoring Discord and checking in with all the creators at once and individually to check in with them. Having so many kids (teenagers) be on your server and streaming to other kids involves work and Dream being also somewhat young at the time (21) doesn't fully lift the weight of being the adult/boss in the room.

Personally, I do not care for Dream and don't know much of the other things he was accused of or whatever. But simply based on the way he himself acted on stream, I dislike him. In the end, so many of his sentences sounded like "Technically. I wasn't in the wrong and it's a complicated situation, but if you want to think I'm in the wrong, then I would say I'm sorry" when he was talking about behaviour of his fans or friend group or himself, instead of just saying that he had responsibility and disagreed with those actions and was sorry.

a. Yes, we too would appreciate if our communities would not interact. Unfortunately, many of us mods still receive death threats by fans of those communities even if we respect their communities.

b. We hope that Tommy no longer talks about Dream. It has been an exhausting two years listening to pedo jokes by TommyInnit, and we'd rather he made videos about his passions instead of disliking Dream.

c. We agree Dream can be bad at talking when put on the spot. We suspect this is a flaw of his ADHD, but we strive to not criticize a person based on facets of themselves they cannot control.

d. Again, Dream may have not been educated as you were on how to communicate well. While we are maybe disappointed, we will not shame a creator for not saying the perfect thing.

e. Ideally, yes, Dream would have been more responsible. We hope that, if in the future he creates another server, he is more responsible about the Discord Server. If that isn't the case, we will criticize his behavior as we have done before.

f. You are valid for your opinion. We ask that everyone is informed before making judgments, and we ask that we do not spread misinformation for laughs.

-Mod D

[smkkbert]

Time for a story - You have saved this city

Starling City was celebrating in a way that Oliver had never seen before. There was music coming from everywhere. People of different age, different ethnicity and different neighborhoods were standing together or even dancing together. The owner of a beverage trade had brought a truck full of cooled beverages. A bakery and a pizzeria had opened and given out food. Other people that had come to join the celebration had brought more foods and drinks. Everyone was sharing what they had. Everyone was celebrating together.

After President Harrison had acknowledged the team’s service for the city and pardoned all crimes done in that service, she had soon left. Apparently, her work had been done after she had said what she had said. It had certainly been a good thing though because everyone had visibly relaxed once she and her military officers had left.

He still felt like he was caught in a dream, a good one for once even. All or at least most of the problems and worries that he had had hours ago had vanished. He had always hoped that the team was one day officially accepted by the city in some way. Now they weren’t just accepted. They were so much more and that allowed him to leave here and just go back home to his children and be a free man.

Oliver looked around the hundreds of people that were celebrating. He felt pride for everything they had achieved. When he thought about how all of this had started – his one-man mission that he hadn’t wanted to let anyone in on – and what it had grown into now, it was unfathomable. And it certainly was a reason to celebrate.

But as much as he wanted to celebrate with the people of the city here, there was one thing that he definitely wanted more. He wanted to see his children, hold them in his arms and tell them that everything would be okay. He knew how much he had suffered the past days without them, so he knew that it must have been worse for them. They weren’t even old enough to really understand what was going on. They had just lost their baby sister, their dad and their home in the blink of an eye.

Turning to Felicity, he found her eyes already on his. He didn’t need to ask her to leave. She knew that he wanted to go, and she was sure that she felt the same way. She took his hand and nodded her head. Oliver pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

With Felicity’s head resting on his shoulder, they shared another long gaze. Oliver realized that there was something else that he wanted more than to celebrate here. He wanted to connect with Felicity. He wanted to know how she was feeling. He wanted to comfort her over the losses that she too had experienced. He wanted to tell her how turned on he had been by everything she had done tonight. He wanted to hold her and make her forget that she had been forced into a situation like this.

Oliver could almost hear his blood rushing in his ears at how much he wanted Felicity right now. The kids came first though. Once they were peacefully asleep in bed, he’d be able to take that idea up again.

When he lifted his head, he took a quick look around. As soon as he found John, Roy and Laurel standing together, he beckoned for them to come closer. Tommy, Curtis, Lyla, Nick and Bruce followed from different directions.

“I know I don’t have to thank you,” he said to them, “because all of this is a part of you as it is a part of me, but I still feel very grateful that you all were here tonight. I know how much you risked and I know how hard that decision must have been for you, but it was worth it.”

Since he had started being the mayor, Oliver had become used to giving speeches. You couldn’t be a mayor and not get used to it. With his team that was more than just a team but friends and family even, he knew he didn’t have to say much though. They knew what he was feelings, and they didn’t expect him to spell it out for them.

“We need to see what changes there will be for our work with the new law and how we as a team adapt to that.” He smiled softly. “But not tonight.”

“I guess you are going to see your children?” John asked.

Oliver nodded his head. “Nothing could stop me from seeing them now.”

“Then go and celebrate with them,” Nick suggested, putting a hand on his shoulder, “you deserve it.”

“And you celebrate a little longer. You deserve that too.”

The team obviously didn’t need to be told twice. The last days had been hard on everyone, so they all felt the need to catch their breaths. They all deserved that.

While most of the team mingled with the rest of the partying people again, Bruce moved away a couple of feet but stayed for himself. Oliver didn’t miss that.

“Hey, can you make sure we get back to the kids as soon as possible?” Oliver asked, turning to Felicity. “I’d be there in a second.”

Felicity frowned briefly, but she shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head. “Sure. The van is still over there in that alley. The fight didn’t leave any marks on it. Curtis checked. We can take it to the hotel.”

Oliver nodded. “Just give me a minute. I’m right behind you.”

“Okay.” Felicity shot him a smile and straightened up on her toes to peck his lips. “I’ll be waiting.”

Oliver squeezed Felicity’s hand before he let her go. He watched her moving through the crowd and disappearing into an alley. Only then he turned around and strolled to where Bruce was standing, still in his full gear and with his mask on.

“I thought you wanted to go.”

Bruce didn’t look at him when he said that. He continued to let his gaze search through the crowd instead. Oliver knew what that meant and how that felt. Bruce was still highly alerted. He couldn’t yet see when an immediate danger was indeed over. It hadn’t been too long since Oliver had felt the same way.

“I will, but I wanted to thank you first.”

That made Bruce turn his eyes away from the crowd after all. Even under the mask, Oliver could see that he was almost smirking.

“Didn’t you say a minute ago that you knew you didn’t have to thank us?”

Oliver chuckled and nodded his head. Bruce was right. He had said that, and he had meant it. Although Bruce wasn’t at home here, Oliver knew that Bruce would always come here and help if he had the chance.

“I did, but I thought you deserved a thank you nonetheless. You came here all the way from Gotham City. You fought here tonight despite the crime in your own city. You took care of my family.”

Bruce didn’t say anything for a long moment. He just looked at his boots. When he lifted his gaze eventually, there was an expression in his eyes that Oliver knew all too well. He couldn’t say that he was surprised to find that expression there although he might have hoped that the feelings that were expressed that way had ceased by now.

“You know why I am here. Why I had to come.” Bruce looked into the direction of the alley where Felicity had disappeared. He then turned to look at Oliver again. “Did you think it was different?”

“I guess not,” Oliver replied honestly, “but I might have hoped so for you.”

Bruce sighed and nodded his head. Oliver knew that Bruce himself was certainly hoping for his feelings to change. For a time, he had closed himself from the idea of getting to know someone and risking falling in love. Lately, Oliver felt that Bruce had closed himself to that idea again.

“Felicity told me that you were thinking about dating someone.”

“I did. Didn’t work out.”

Oliver was about to say something more, but Bruce put a hand to his shoulder and looked at him intently.

“You should come over to Gotham one day soon and we drink a nice glass of whiskey. When we do so, we can talk all you want about whatever you want.” Bruce squeezed his shoulder. “But now you should go and reunite with your family.”

Bruce was right, so Oliver nodded his head.

“If you ever need help or someone to talk to whatever, you know I will be there. We all will be.”

“I know.” Bruce nodded his head. “And I might come back to that offer one day soon. For now, you will go home to your family, and I will go back to Gotham tomorrow morning too.”

Oliver nodded his head. Since there was nothing more he could say, he turned around and left. He felt sorry for Bruce because, having been where Bruce was now, Oliver knew that he needed someone that he could trust and someone he could lean on. Oliver didn’t know where he’d be now if it hadn’t been for Felicity.

Probably still hidden in the foundry, killing people from a list, he thought to himself and quickly shook his head. That was definitely not the right thing to think about now. What he should think about now was that Felicity had become a part of his life, and had turned his mission into what it had become and they had built a beautiful family together. That was where he wanted and needed to go now. So he did.

→ → → → →

While the elevator rode up to the penthouse, Felicity rested her head on Oliver’s shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment. Adrenaline had been rushing through her veins these last hours. Now that the fight was over and she had found some rest, the tiredness threatened to crush over her.

“I’m gonna sleep like a baby tonight.”

“I hope better than Tommy when he was a baby,” Oliver whispered, “because he refused to sleep.”

“Only until I was home.” Felicity chuckled and angled her head back to look at Oliver. “He’s always been a mama’s boy.”

Scrunching up his nose, Oliver touched his forehead with hers. “True. Lucky me, we have four daddy’s girls though.”

“Three,” Felicity whispered, “we have three daddy’s girls as it is.”

The pain of losing Mia returned with a force that robbed Felicity her breath for a moment. It had been inside of her since the moment Mia had been taken from them, but her worry about Oliver’s arrest and the attack on their home had pushed her grief for Mia further into the background. It had still been there, but she had tried to comfort herself, knowing that Mia was in a safe and loving home.

When the doors of the elevator opened with a quiet pling!, Felicity remembered why she wasn’t allowed to wallow in self-pity. She had lost a child, and she doubted that she could ever be consoled about it. At the same time, she still had five perfectly healthy children with them and that was something she had to be eternally grateful for. Just seeing these five children made her realize how lucky they really had been.

There was silence for the beat of a second. Then everything went incredibly fast.

“Daddy!” Tommy screamed out.  

Emmy, Tommy, Millie and Addie ran into Oliver’s arms. He took a step out of the elevator, spread his arms and caught them. His arms wrapped around all four of them, and he hugged them tightly. They seemed to be hugging him back just as tightly. Felicity felt tears pricking in her eyes at the sight. Hours ago, she hadn’t been sure when she would see her kids again or when they would see their father again.

“Thank God you’re alright.” William, who had approached her, said and pulled Felicity into a tight hug. “I was so worried.”

Felicity hugged William back. “What are you doing here? How did you even get here?”

When she had talked to William earlier today, she thought that she had convinced him not to come here. Since Oliver had turned himself in, he had suggested that he should come back to Starling again and again. Felicity, though, had told him again and again that he was safer in Boston, far away from all of this here and with some of Bruce’s men looking out for him. Apparently, he had decided to not be convinced tonight.

“After we hung up, I called Bruce. I told him that I needed to be here with my siblings. If things had gone differently tonight, they would have needed me. And I needed them.”

Hearing the pain in his voice, Felicity cocked her head and pulled William into another big hug. Because he was so much older than his siblings, she sometimes forgot that at least a part of him was just a scared, little boy too.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered to him, “I didn’t want to keep you away from them or us. I just thought-“

“It was safer,” William ended her sentence. “I know, and I understand, but I just needed to be here.”

Felicity nodded her head, took his hand and squeezed it. “I am very glad that you are here. You would have indeed been missed tonight even after our success.”

“Once the news proved that everything was alright, I told Thea that it wouldn’t be long until you showed up. She took Sara, Connor, Robbie and Louis to the loft. Getting eight kids to sleep had been only impossible. With only four of them, it might get easier.”

“I wouldn’t be sure that anyone is getting any sleep tonight,” Oliver said. He had let go of the four kids, who were now occupying themselves with Hawk, and approached them. He immediately pulled William into a big hug. “I am very glad that you are here.”

“Not half as glad as I am that you are here,” William replied, “this family isn’t the same without you.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Felicity whispered.

Her gaze locked with Oliver’s while he was still hugging William. She didn’t need any ability to read minds to know what he was thinking. His eyes were telling her that he felt the same way about her. They felt the same way about everyone in this family. This family was only whole when it was together.

This was as together as they would ever be again, Felicity thought with another stitch of missing Mia. She doubted that she could think about her family without thinking about Mia anytime soon. Or ever.

Oliver, who hadn’t missed the change in her facial expression, loosened himself from the hug with William and clapped in his hands. “Okay, this calls for celebrating, so who is in for a midnight snack?”

“Me!” Millie and Tommy exclaimed in chorus, raising their hands.

“What midnight snack?” Emmy asked.

“I was thinking about crêpes?”

“With Nutella?” she asked.

“Of course.”

“I want mine with lemon jam,” Addie exclaimed.

“You can have your crêpes with anything that’s in the fridge,” Oliver announced. “Who’s gonna help me?”

The kids all raised their hands at once and even Hawk lifted a paw. Emmy had taught him to lift his paw like that on the command Who’s gonna? because she had been sure that it would lead to some funny moments. She had been right.

“Alright,” Oliver nodded his head, “then you go to the kitchen already. I will follow you in a minute as soon as I have changed into something… more casual.”

He gestured down his body. Since he was still wearing his suit, he was indeed not really dressed for cooking a midnight snack.

“No,” Addie said, grabbing his arm and lifted her feet from the floor, so Oliver was carrying her entire weight on just his forearm, “leave it please.”

“Yes, leave it,” Tommy agreed, “it’s cool.”

Although Oliver didn’t seem to fond of the idea to keep on the leathers, he had also always been very bad at denying the kids any wishes. He pulled down the zipper of his jacket and tossed it on the armchair in the corner.

“In that case I am ready.”

Millie already grabbed Felicity’s hand to pull her into the kitchen with her, but Felicity stopped her.

“Go ahead. I really have to get changed,” she said, “because I am so sweaty that I am sure nobody will enjoy their crêpes when they smell me.”

“Ugh.” Addie scrunched up her nose. “Crêpe with smelly arms.”

Oliver wrapped his free arm around Addie and lifted her higher against him. He whispered something into her ear that made her giggle. She then turned in his arms, wrapped both of her arms around his neck and snuggled her head against his shoulder.

“We will go ahead and make the crêpe. I guess you want one with a scoop of mint chocolate-chip ice cream?”

“This is a hotel, Oliver. This might be a fully equipped kitchen,” Felicity told him, cocking her head, “but why would you think that we have something like that here?”

“Because I know that it’s your comfort food,” Oliver replied very matter-of-factly.

Although he didn’t say it, an addition to the sentence filled the silence nonetheless. They had her comfort food here because she had certainly needed a lot of comfort in the last days. He wasn’t wrong with that.

“So go ahead,” Felicity agreed, “and I’ll follow in a minute.”

While Oliver and the kids went towards the kitchen, Felicity headed towards the bedroom. She took of Oliver’s old leather jacket and just dropped it to the floor. She let her pants follow and just kicked them onto the same pale as the jacket.

She had already turned towards the bathroom door when she realized how seductive the bed looked. She hadn’t had much sleep these last nights and days. If she maybe just lay down for a couple of minutes and caught some rest, she’d be ready to spend the rest of the night with her family, celebrating their success.

She crawled into bed, lay down on her stomach and hugged her pillow under her head. With a sigh, she closed her eyes. She knew immediately that she had made a terrible mistake. There was no way that she would just lie here for a couple of minutes. She was almost passed out before her eyes were even fully closed.

→ → → → →

She woke up from a wonderful smell that she couldn’t quite match to its source. She cautiously opened an eye to check how much light could possibly blind her. When she found that the room had been left in some dimmed half-light that wasn’t too unpleasant for her tired eyes, she opened her second eye too.

Oliver was sitting on the edge of the mattress, holding a plate of crêpe with mint chocolate-chip ice cream and a cup of what Felicity realized had to be hot chocolate out for her. He blew the steam in her direction. When he found her eyes on him, he smiled.

“I thought you could need a little refreshment before you go back to sleep.”

Felicity rubbed her hands over her face and sat up. Scooting back until she could lean against the headboard of the bed, she took the plate and the mug from him. Although her nose was already filled with the wonderful smell, she lifted both to her nose to take it even more.

She had already begun pitching into this midnight snack when she frowned and lifted her gaze to Oliver.

“The kids?”

“Passed out on the couch.” He chuckled. “They barely made it until they were done with their crêpes. William is with them in case they wake up.”

Felicity nodded her head and took another fork of the crêpe. It had been a while since she had eaten a lot, never mind enjoyed any of it. She only realized now how hungry she had really been. The events of the night and everything that had happened before that had cost a lot more of her energy than she had realized before. She probably needed a lot of food and sleep these next days.

Oliver moved further onto the bed until he sat next to Felicity. He waited a moment before he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. Felicity forgot about her hunger almost instantly. She put the mug and the plate to the nightstand and snuggled up to Oliver instead. She turned onto her side, wrapped both of her arms around his middle and pushed her face against the crook of his neck.

A long moment of silence passed as they just took each other in. Oliver’s hands moved up and down Felicity’s back and thigh, while her hand rested on his chest and felt his heartbeat. She pressed her nose against his skin and breathed him in. She had missed this smell of home and safety. She couldn’t imagine what it had felt like if she had been without that smell forever.

“How have you been?”

The question came from both of them simultaneously. Felicity angled her head back, so she could look at Oliver and they both chuckled. Of course each other’s wellbeing had been on their minds the entire time.

“You start,” Felicity asked in a whisper, her head resting against Oliver’s shoulder again, but her gaze was still on his face, “please.”

Oliver sighed, tightening his hold on her. He looked at the ceiling for a moment. Felicity realized how tired he had to be too. She lifted a hand to his cheek and stroked her fingertips through his short stubble. He sighed once more, snuggling his face into her touch as he always did.

Felicity realized that she didn’t need an answer. She had needed to ask him because that was who they were. They communicated, especially when they had been through bad times and even more so when they had been apart for a while. By now they knew each other so well though that they didn’t need to talk about how they felt they knew it.

In his face, Felicity could see that Oliver was tired from everything that had happened the last days, and he was worried about how that would affect their family’s future. When he had been in prison, he had told himself a thousand times that he had had no choice but to turn himself in. Too many innocent lives would have been taken if hadn’t. At the same time he had feared what would happen for his family. He had felt helpless at the fact that he had been locked away while they had lost their anonymity, then Mia and finally their home.

She also knew that Oliver understood exactly how she had felt. She had worried about their family falling apart with Oliver being away. She had worried for the safety of their children, especially since Mia and William had not been with them where she could personally do everything possible. She had been heartbroken about losing Mia and losing their home. She was overwhelmed by everything that had happened these last days, and she would need days to truly process everything that had happened and weeks to recover from it.

They both would.

With their eyes still locked, they agreed that now wasn’t the time to wallow in self-pity. Now was the time to reconnect.

Felicity moved on top of Oliver, straddling him. With her hands still on his cheeks, she leaned down and captured his lips in a gentle kiss. For the break of a second when their lips just touched, she wondered if kissing Oliver would feel different now. They certainly were different people since they had kissed the last time. You didn’t go through what they had gone through and come out of it unchanged.

In their hearts, Felicity realized there was one thing that hadn’t changed though. They still felt the same kind of strong love as they had felt before. They felt this love for their jobs, for this city and its people, their friends. They felt this love for their family, and they felt it for each other.

As their lips opened up to each other and their tongues met in a familiar slow dance, Oliver put his hands to Felicity’s hips and pulled her closer to him. At the same time, he sat up, so his chest was pressed against hers too.

This was how she had always felt safest. Wrapped in Oliver’s arms and with their children somewhere nearby where she knew they were safe too, she felt as safe as she ever had. Nothing could happen to her or the people she loved and every pain she knew was only half as hurtful as long as it was like this.

Oliver moved his hands up and down her back slowly like he wanted to explore her body for the first time. He grabbed the hem of the shirt she was wearing and pulled it over her head. Their lips met again immediately, just like his hands resumed exploring her back. They stroked up and down her skin like he was searching for any changes. The traumatic experiences they had been through had rarely left physical marks on her though. His body was covered with those, but not hers.

Felicity sighed. She didn’t want to think about that now. All she wanted to think about was them in this very moment.

Frowning slightly, Oliver pulled back. “Everything okay?”

“Yes.” Felicity moved her hands up and down his chest. “Why?”

“You were shaking your head.” He cocked his head, rubbing his hands over her back slowly once more. “We don’t have to-“

Felicity broke him off with a kiss. She took hold of the hem of his shirt, pulled it over his head and tossed it into some corner of the room. Putting her hands on his chest, she looked him straight in the eyes.

“It’s just… thoughts.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “But I don’t want to think right now.”

Oliver looked at her intently for a moment. He seemed to weigh whether she was saying the truth or if there was some deeper truth that he needed to bury for first. Since he knew her better than anyone else, he found his answer rather quickly.

“Oh, I can make you forget all thoughts, my dear.”

With those words falling from his lips, he turned them effortlessly. Felicity’s back pushed into the mattress, and Oliver let his lips travel from her lips to her cheek and further down her neck. Felicity closed her eyes, leaned back and just enjoyed. He would certainly make her forget everything else that wasn’t them in this moment.

Peppering a trail of kisses over her collarbone, Oliver pushed his hands under her back and unclasped her bra. He took it off and dropped it to the floor. His lips never left her body as he did so. They continued their way down her body now, leaving more kisses on her right breast before they first kissed her nipple and then wrapped around it. A long moan escaped Felicity, and her back arched off the bed, bringing her body closer to Oliver’s lips.

Oliver had been right. He did make her forget all the other thoughts that occupied her mind minutes ago. All she could think about now was how good his lips felt on her skin. The tip of his tongue flicking over her nipple made goosebumps spread all over her skin. His body pressed against hers just made her feel like her skin was on fire in the best way.

When Oliver’s lips continued their way down her body, Felicity’s fingers found their way into his hair. She scratched her fingernails over his scalp lightly and enjoyed the way his hair tickled the skin between her fingers.

While his lips and tongue explored her belly button like he had just discovered for the first time that it was there, his fingers hooked into the waistband of her panties. Felicity lifted her hips off the mattress and wriggled out of it. Oliver left no time now though. He finished the path down and settled between her thighs, hooking her legs over his shoulder to give him better access.

Felicity, although already lost in the pleasure of her fantasy of what it would feel like to have his lips cover her center, opened her eyes. She lifted her head off the mattress, so she could look at Oliver. His eyes were wide opened and darkened from pleasure. The sight alone threatened to make a moan fall from Felicity’s lips. Oliver grinned. He knew the effect he had on her, and he enjoyed it. Felicity kicked his shoulder lightly, but Oliver only caught her foot at the ankle, kissed it lightly and placed it back on his back.

“Lean back,” he whispered, “and try not to think.”

Without any further warning, Oliver dove in. He licked a long path from her center to her clit, starting and stopping right before the most sensitive parts. He was a tease like that. Still, that touch of his tongue alone made her back arch off the mattress and a moan fall from her lips. Her thighs tightened around his head. She couldn’t have stopped it if she had wanted to. Oliver simply put his hands on her knees and gently pushed her legs a bit further apart again.

There had been countless times and occasions when Oliver had teased her like that for what had felt like an eternity. He had heightened her pleasure without taking her high enough to make her fall over the edge again and again. It had been maddening in the best way possible. Tonight she was sure that she wouldn’t be able to take it.

Luckily, Oliver seemed to feel the same way. He didn’t seem willing or able to deny her or himself the pleasure that they both needed so much right now. When his tongue touched her sensitive skin the next time, it thrust into her core.

“Oh God!” Felicity moved out her hand to hold onto anything that would anchor her to this time and place because she felt like she was falling out of it. Her hand found the sheet, holding onto it tightly. “Oliver.”

His name falling from her lips in a whispered plea, spurned Oliver on even more. He thrust his tongue into her in a slow rhythm, while his thumb closed over her clit. He stroked it gently, bringing her small waves of pleasure that ran over her smoothly like the ocean water when she was lying at the beach and the flood was coming closer.

Her nerve endings felt like they had been set on fire. Everything was prickling and tickling and felt so incredibly good. Oliver’s tongue and thumb were so very gentle. He knew how quickly he could take her how high without overstimulating her. His stubble scratched the inside of her thighs, certainly leaving nice little marks there.

When Felicity’s breathing quickened, the one of Oliver’s hands that wasn’t occupied between her legs made its way up her body over her stomach to the valley between her breasts. Felicity caught it there, laced her fingers through his and held onto him.

Oliver’s movements quickened. His tongue switched between circling her entrance and thrusting in now. His thumb flicked over her clit in a quick rhythm that took her higher and higher with each and every movement. Her fingers tightened around Oliver’s, and her back arched off the bed even more. The familiar tightening in her stomach announced that she was close.

“Oliver,” she whispered his name once more, saying it like a prayer, “yes. Oh!”

A long moan escaped her when the pleasure reached its peak. Waves of trembles ran through her body, making her blood boil with desire for more. It was crazy. She was on a peak of pleasure, her head filled with nothing but all the good ways Oliver made her feel right now. Still, she wanted more. When it came to Oliver, she would always want more.

As the waves of pleasure ebbed away, Felicity lifted her head off the mattress slightly, so she could look at Oliver. She wasn’t surprised to find his eyes on hers already. He was resting his cheek on the inside of her thigh and just looked at her. He looked content, at peace. Underneath that, Felicity could see his hunger for more though. He felt it just as intensely as she did.

Even in moments like this, moments of intense desire and pleasure, he managed to look at her like that. It was an expression of love, one that proved that she was her home. Felicity reached out her hand and touched his cheek. He snuggled his face into her touch like he always did.

“I love you,” Felicity whispered.

Oliver grinned. “You only say that because of the good sex.”

“Possible.” Felicity matched his grin. “And I feel my love cease. Maybe you should… put more wood on the fire, preferably after you have taken off your clothes.”

She stroked his back with his foot suggestively. Oliver dipped his head down and placed a terribly innocent kiss on her clit. It made a shiver run through Felicity, but she giggled at that. It was so typical of Oliver to tease her just a tiny bit more after she had teased him.

Pushing an arm under her head, Felicity watched him wriggling out of bed and coming to stand at the foot of it. He didn’t make much of a show of it, but Felicity liked to watch anyway. Everything Oliver did was worth watching. That man could advertise toothbrushes, and it would look sexy. When he was unbuttoning his pants and pulling them as well as his boxer briefs down, it was one of the sexiest things Felicity had ever seen. His abs flexed slightly. His cock bobbed free, already ready to put more wood into the fire.

Oliver just stood there for a moment, letting Felicity watch him. He enjoyed that as much as she did. When she lifted her hand and beckoned him to come closer with a movement of her forefinger. He didn’t hesitate. He crawled onto the bed until he hovered right over her, his knees next to knees, his hands next to her shoulders, her face over hers.

Felicity reached out her hands and framed it with her hands. Slowly she pulled him down to her. Oliver bent his arms until his nose touched hers. He lowered his body onto hers, careful not to crush her. He stroked the tip of his nose over the back of hers before he lowered his lips onto hers.

With a sigh, Felicity opened her lips to the touch of Oliver’s tongue. He deepened the kiss instantly and shifted his hips until his cock rested against her still sensitive sex. A moan escaped Felicity, and Oliver swallowed it eagerly. Pushing his arms under her arching back, he turned them around and sat up, so Felicity was sitting in his lap.

Pulling away slightly and moving a hand through his hair, Felicity looked at Oliver’s face intently. She had already taken in the changes the last days had launched on him. This time she just took him in without anything that had been or hadn’t been these past days. She just looked at the face of the man that she had fallen in love with so long ago and that she had built this wonderful life with that she never wanted to give up.

Felicity got up on her knees and reached behind her. She took hold of his cock and couldn’t stop herself from grinning when Oliver took in a sharp breath at her touch. She considered teasing him, but now was just not the time for that. With that thought in mind, she placed the tip of his erection at her entrance and slowly sank down on him.

Her forehead dropped against Oliver while she was taking him in inch-by-inch. He stretched her in that perfectly arousing way. It made goosebumps run over her skin. Her lips fell open in a silent pant. Her fingernails dug into the skin of his shoulders slightly.

When he was fully inside of her, Felicity moved her fingers down Oliver’s back slowly before she lifted them again. Oliver angled his head back and straightened up as much as he could, trying to steal a kiss from Felicity’s lips, but she kept them right out of his reach. They breathed the same air. She could feel his breath on her chest whenever he breathed out too, but she didn’t let him kiss her. Not yet. She wanted to watch him like he had been watching her before.

Felicity shifted her hips cautiously, just enough to cause some friction. Oliver’s lips fell open and he left out a little moan. The sound made Felicity’s stomach prickle with arousal. She loved to know that she could make him release those sounds. She could offer him just as much pleasure as he could offer her.

Slowly Felicity lifted herself onto her knees, held her position for a moment and then lowered herself just as slowly. Oliver’s body was trembling, his hands digging into her hips hard. His breath was strangled.

“You are driving me crazy,” he said between gritted teeth, “I hope you know that.”

Felicity chuckled slightly. “Oh, I know.”

When Oliver tried to kiss her this time, she only avoided his kiss for a moment. Oliver was about to release a grumble when she gave in. She lowered her lips onto his and kissed him hungrily. Her fingers moved into his hands and grabbed some strands. Using her hold on him, she pulled his head back gently, offering her even easier access to his warm mouth.

They settled into a slow and even rhythm. They moved together in perfect synch, letting their bodies meet in a way that offered them both the pleasure they had been missing out on for days. While their hips were meeting again and again, their hands roamed over each other’s body, and their lips met in gentle and intimate kisses.

Felicity wished it could stay like this forever. The intimacy and closeness of this moment was something she didn’t want to let go easily. She wanted to keep just as close to Oliver as she was now for as long as possible. The burden of these last days didn’t allow Felicity to hold onto her self-control as much as she would like to, and she could see that it was the same for Oliver.

“Oliver.”

It was all she needed to do. She whispered his name, and Oliver knew immediately that she needed more. He tightened his arms around her waist and thrusted up harder and more quickly. Felicity matched his rhythm.

She was so close, but something was missing. She couldn’t say what it was, but something was keeping her from falling over the edge. Her entire body was filled with tension, her skin feeling like it was poked into with sharp needles again and again. She knew that her orgasm was close. Just a little something she couldn’t put her finger on, and she’d just fall over the edge and bathe in pleasure, but her body wasn’t entirely ready. Not yet.

Oliver moved his lips to the side of her neck and sucked at her pulse point. And that was enough to send Felicity over the edge. Her body trembled when the tension left her muscles and nerves. She moaned and let her head fall back, just letting the pleasure wash over her and take her to a blissful height.

When she noticed that Oliver’s movements lost their rhythm, she locked her eyes on his. The expression in his was hazy and cloudy. She knew that all he could see was her, and just like she had troubled before, he troubled to fall over the edge now.

Putting a hand on his cheek, she whispered, “I’m right here, Oliver.”

That was all he needed. He thrusted into her twice more before he came. She felt him stilling inside of her, his cock twitching between her soft walls. Made a warm shiver run down her back. Her name fell from his lips in a passionate whisper.

Still moving slowly through the last sensations of their pleasures, they held onto each other tightly. Sex had always been an important way for them to communicate. Only now they really knew that they both were really whole and okay.

With their foreheads still touched, they continued sitting there for a while, enjoying the continued intimacy. Once again it had been taken from them by separating them from each other, but they had fought back until they had been reunited. They had always done so, and they would always do so again.

→ → → → →

For a split second while waking up, Oliver wondered why he was feeling so peaceful. These last nights had been filled with tension. If he had found any sleep, he had woken up repeatedly and not caught much rest. When he woke up this morning, he felt well-rested and didn’t feel even a spark of panic.

He opened his eyes, frowned at sat up. The unfamiliar room made his head spin for another split second. Then the memories of the last night came back to him, and he allowed himself to fall back into the pillows and just smile for a moment.

A lot of the worries that had bothered him these last days and nights had gone away. He wouldn’t be charged with any crimes. His work was officially acknowledged. He was back with his family. He could look into a brighter future.

Looking around the room once more, he puckered his lips. One problem was left. They didn’t have a home. Their beautiful home had been burnt down and from what Oliver had heard and seen on photos, there was nothing left to repair. They could either rebuild the entire house from scratch or think about something else. Given the changed circumstances with their identities uncovered, Oliver knew there was a lot to think about.

But not now, he decided and rolled out of bed. He looked around briefly and found that Felicity had put some clothes – boxer briefs, sweatpants and a T-shirt – for him on one of the armchairs. He put them on, wondering how Felicity had managed to sneak out of bed without him noticing. He must have been passed out.

He left the bedroom and headed towards the kitchen, thinking he would find his family there, but only Raisa was there. She smiled when she saw him.

“Good morning,” she said with happy voice, “coffee is just ready. Ms. Fe- I mean Felicity would certainly like to have a mug.”

“Not just her. Thank you.” Oliver brushed a kiss to Raisa’s cheek as he walked past her. He then poured two mugs of coffee, turning his head back over his shoulder towards Raisa. “Where is everyone by the way?”

“In the living room, watching TV.”

Oliver perked up his eyebrows. “TV for breakfast? When did that start?”

“Today. You… will see why.”

With that mysterious hint left, Raisa left the kitchen. Oliver took the two mugs and followed the noises he could hear, assuming that had to be the direction where the living room was. Indeed, he found a door that had been left ajar and when he pushed it open, he found everyone gathered in front of the TV.

Without paying any attention to what they were watching, Oliver sneaked his way to Felicity, who was sitting on the backrest of the couch. He wrapped an arm around her, offering her one of the mugs of coffee. His lips found their way to her pulse point and placed a gentle kiss where he had left a nice little red mark.

“Oliver,” Felicity whispered and flinched as she hadn’t heard him coming.

He was about to whisper something in her ear, but the sound of his name seemed to make chaos erupt. The kids jumped from their seats, ran towards him and talked insistently to him all at the same time. Oliver wasn’t sure if it was the stress of the last days or the excitement of the kids, but he couldn’t follow what they were saying.

“Okay,” he said, lifting his hands, “how about you choose who talks first, so I can understand anything you say?”

“William,” Emmy suggested, and her siblings nodded.

Oliver looked at William, perking up his eyebrows. William hadn’t been as over the top as the others, but even he looked excited.

“The elections take place today,” he said, “I mean the mayoral elections.”

Sipping from his coffee, Oliver frowned. “Who would they vote?”

“Well, since one mayoral candidate was taken out,” William replied, gesturing towards the TV, “there is only one left. You.”

“Me?”

“You never dropped out of the race,” Felicity reminded him, “and even if you had, after last night a lot of people wouldn’t care.”

“The elections have already started, and apparently voter turnout is quite high,” William continued, “and first counts prove that people haven’t come to spoil their ballot. They came to support you.”

Oliver looked at the TV and found this information confirmed there. People had come to vote, and they were voting him. They didn’t have much choice since there was no other candidate, but they had still decided to come and vote him.

Maybe, after everything they had done and everything they had been put through, they had really saved this city. In more than one way.

* * *

Only eight chapters left!

[wolves-etc]

thoughts on The Last Of Us episode one, largely in the order I had them:

[thoughts on: 1.2 | 1.3 | 1.4 | 1.5 | 1.6 | 1.7 | 1.8 | 1.9]

(I have some spoilers from tumblr, a vague awareness of the older gays & younger gays situations, and a friend's recommendation that I'd really like this show. I didn't realise how evocative this would be in a mid-pandemic world. the show quickly set me right.)

— all kudos and respect to mr "I have an opportunity to infodump to a crowd about disturbing fungal diseases and I am going to make the most of it." loses points for warning people about hypothetical future dangers while actively smoking at them.

— the views we get of the crowd and the host during the second half of his speech are interesting - they're so still, all rapt attention, while he's talking about humans made puppets. it's unsettling.

— and the visuals during the theme music? gross. the guy who recommended this to me is squicked out by fungus. I may have used the words "wetly unfurling" while confronting him about this.

— I'm struck by the apparent ritual of joel setting his alarm, sleeping through it or ignoring it, and having to be alerted by his daughter anyway. he's a mess. (<3)

— there's something very real and unsanitised about their home environment. sarah's presumably not the worst cook in the house, but still they're eating eggshell. there's takeaway in the fridge that tommy sniffs before having any (though I wish he didn't decide against it then put it back.)

— and joel's shirt is on inside-out. bless him.

— sarah and joel passive-aggressively siccing the neighbours on each other is bitchy and great

— the first glimpse of the unrest of the pandemic being someone visibly panicking, closing the shop, herding sarah out, telling her to go straight home? I'm trying not to do too much real-life comparing. but that's ouch.

— we have a dog!! a border collie!! mercy I love you I am giving you up for dead given the genre we're in but I very much hope to be proven wrong <3

— "three nails plus one cross equals four-given." please, please tell me people don't speak like that. lie if you must

— the mental shift from "that blurry old lady in the background needs medical attention" to "oh. oh this is a horror show, the characters just don't know that yet, oh no" was a fun one

— "and you were never gonna [get the watch fixed] for yourself" OH BOY

— it's functional depression vibes in joel and it's intense. he won't get the watch fixed for himself, and he probably wouldn't celebrate his birthday for himself either - I'd buy that the pancakes could have been more for sarah than him, but then she insists on cake, and he doesn't suggest anything he'd enjoy better. still, he seems willing to make an effort because she wants to, and that's nice.

— that moment, sitting down to watch a movie together, sarah falling asleep against him? joel's a mess, but he has a good relationship with his daughter, and that's refreshing to see. there's real love there.

— mercy is a very good dog and sarah COULD DO WITH MORE ANXIETY SLASH SURVIVAL INSTINCT, FRANKLY,

— and we get the first glimpse of joel being brutal and unhesitating when it's called for. the sense that he's already made a shift in thinking that sarah's slower to - she's scared, crying, not yet really believing that it was necessary.

— sarah in the back of the car being smart enough to put together - given what she knows - that any one of them could be infected. it's awful.

— "[they've] got a kid, joel." "so have we. keep driving." fuck

— (how must that feel for sarah? if she's the thing to be protected, it must be her fault.)

— okay the infected's too-quick movements and bird-like head tilts? very "inhuman software on human hardware." it's cool.

— this scene here, though. there's a lot here. they're saved, in the nick of time, by a soldier. the soldier receives orders that he has to double-check. joel calls him sir, says please don't, has to know what's coming. it's unfair and it's horrible and there's nothing he can do.

— and I had a lot of thoughts about that. about how the US military - quite aside from the huge wrongs it does to other countries - promises people to chance to do some good, and to be a part of a family, and betrays them on both counts. leaves its soldiers with trauma and no way to manage it. leaves them, perhaps, with chronic depression, in a job I don't even want to speculate about because neither the military nor construction work are kind to the body. it's betrayal on top of betrayal as standard. and it's cruel, very cruel, that the military betrays joel again here. (edit for reasons and for at least one "article" possibly lying to me)

— and it's a fucking needless way for sarah to die. fuck.

— okay. okay.

— we get this little reminder that the birds, the trees, the sunlight, they all keep going. no matter what goes on with humans. and I, for one, find that comforting.

— and that comfort is VERY NEEDED because holy shit it's twenty years later and joel barely even hesitates to throw a bound child's body onto the fire. (practical and brutal, when it's needed. I don't even want to wonder whether he's done it before.)

— he's still wearing his broken watch and he is very much not okay.

— tess is all steel. I'm a little scared of her as a person and I love her as a character. what the fuck are they both up to that they can handle criminal dealings like this.

— "I promised him you wouldn't hurt him, but I would very much like for you to hurt him." CLEAR AND TO THE POINT.

— no but that's a lot of fun though. clear communication, what seems like no real lies when she's negotiating with her captor, just a forthright attitude that's so easy to believe and a comfortable willingness to mislead him.

— "you don't have a fucking ear on your fucking head" would be a fun way to accuse someone of not listening

— "y'all talk it through, but please remember that I'm bleeding out." I LIKE MARLENE

— and here we see joel's fight response to trauma, which will, I hope, serve him well. that flashback was evil though.

— what the FUCK is the expression on ellie's face. is that awe. is that delight. miss, you're very fucked up, do you know that

things I expected: ellie being a murder child; joel being a traumatised badass with a soft spot for her. did NOT expect ellie to be THAT much of a murder child, or joel's soft spot to be that well-armoured. this is gonna be interesting to see.

and I didn't expect tess, who's interesting, and scary in her own right, and rugged in a way women aren't generally allowed to be in the zombie genre. this was a really pleasant surprise.

[sarisinema]

Was Mark Right to Screw up his Friends? - Thoughts About the Plot of Trainspotting

6.05.24 - Blog Post #11

Based on Irvine Welsh's novel of the same name, Trainspotting opens with Rent's Choose Life speech. Choose Life is the name given to the anti-drug campaign of 80s Britain. People from Eskişehir know that posters are hanging by the pharmacy door of Anadolu University saying “Say no to drugs, stay in life”. Choose life is similar to that. But what kind of life are junkies supposed to choose? According to Rent, a typical civil servant life: Dishwasher, car, mortgage, kids, 9-5 shifts, etc… While Rent lists these things, we see the characters for the first time, the part that interests me is how Tommy and Spud are introduced.

Introduction of the Guys

The Guys (from left to right): Tommy, Spud, Begbie, Sick Boy, Rent (Mark)

In the opening scene, our guys are on the field, Spud is in goal. Spud ship a goal from the other team, everybody gives him the "Oh My God" look, and Spud dances and takes the ball. I had the feeling that no one here had any respect for Spud. On the other hand, Tommy gets cornered by two opposing players and calls his friends for help, but no one helps him. When Tommy gets fucked up later in the movie and his so-called friends leave him alone, I felt like it was symbolized beforehand with that scene.

After telling us about the wonders of heroin, Rent says: "The worst thing about being an addict is that you have to listen to a bunch of shitty guys." Of course, Begbie is the shitty guy. First, we see Begbie in front of a pool table, downing his drink in one gulp while saying something like, "I would never put that chemical in my body." Later we see Tommy with his girlfriend Lizzy, he has her under his arm, he says he would never do drugs and takes a drag from his cigarette. Begbie is addicted to violence, fighting, adrenaline, alcohol, and cigarettes. (He made a mountain of empty cigarette packs in a few days while squatting in Rent's London flat). Tommy is addicted to Lizzy, and when she leaves him, he channels his addiction into something else, heroin. Also, Mark mentioned that his mother had a "socially acceptable" drug addiction - painkillers. All of these people have addictions that society approves of, but since heroin is illegal, they feel entitled to criticize another addict.

Mark's Relationship with His Friends

Throughout the movie we see Mark going back and forth between quitting heroin and leaving his friends, it's a vicious cycle. Rent reflects the psychology of an addict quite well, at least we don't see him say "I quit!!!" and then stop putting chemicals in his body (like in most movies). Or that after all sorts of dramatic events (all caused by the indifference caused by the drugs they use), everyone goes back to using heroin as if nothing happened. Everyone has a different opinion about the motivations or psychology of Rent. I have some ideas of my own.

Rent likes heroin, he likes the fellas. This environment, this dump, has been his comfort zone for years. No one thinks they are doing anything bad, they steal to get drugs, they cheat doctors, they pocket their parents' stash, they live in garbage houses and they have no sex life. Rent knows there is another life, but he despises that life, and at the same time he cannot see the way forward with this group of friends and this lifestyle. As the movie progresses, especially in the second half, Rent begins to despise and resent his friends and their choices, as if a voice in his head keeps saying, "What are you doing here, get out." But Rent is not only addicted to heroin, but also to his friends. He doesn't know what will fill the void when he leaves them. Even when he goes to London, the ghosts of his old life haunt him, Sick Boy and Begbie come and invade his apartment. Even when he returns for Tommy's funeral, he finds himself working as a drug dealer. His "friends" eat his food, sell his stuff, pull knives on him, go through his bank accounts, inspect his stuff even though they know it's clean, the list goes on and on. The more he gets rid of his addiction to rent, the more he sees these people in a different light: losers who will never change, who will do anything for drugs. Mark realizes that what they have in common is not the same mindset or the same interests, and that the only thing that holds them together is that they are all addicts.

But Mark is also no saint.

After he steals the sex tape of Tommy and his girlfriend, he knows this is the reason they broke up but he never reveals it, even when he is "clean" he does Tommy no favors other than giving him money when he knows Tommy is in a bad mindset - if that can be called a favor - he does not visit Spud when he is in jail, even when Dawn dies he tries to get high before the baby's mother does; the list goes on and on. In the last scene of the movie he says, "The truth is, I'm a bad person, but that's going to change, I'm going to change."

So was Mark right to fuck those people?

I think the group splits into two: Tommy and Spud and Begbie and Sick Boy. Begbie and Sick Boy deserved whatever they got. That's what Rent says anyway. Sick Boy is a manipulative asshole who can pull himself out of the hole he fell into, and he is of no use to Rent. Begbie is even worst. He is aggressive towards Rent, you can say he's aggressive towards everyone, but he despises Rent, Rent is just a dirty junkie in his eyes. The reason Rent can't get Begbie out of his life is not because he sees him as a friend, it's because he's terrified of him. I think Mark's sympathy for Spud comes entirely from pity. He's the naive Spud who can't get anything done, who nods his head at whatever anyone says. Mark is protective of Spud despite his selfishness, but when the going gets tough, he's just playing along because it's obvious that Spud's not going to be able to do shit. In the hotel scene, we discussed with friends the last look and wait for Spud before Rent swipes the money, some said that Rent was waiting at the door to convince Spud to “come and run away with me”, some said that Spud's last nod was not a “can't come” but a “look Begbie will fuck us both, don't do it, we'll get burned” gesture. I think Rent realized in the bar scene before the finale that Spud is vulnerable and can't break away from his friendships. When Rent says what he would do with the money, Spud didn't say anything about breaking away from Edinburgh or his friends also he didn't take Mark seriously in the scene where he pointed to the money. In the same scene when Spud tries to stop Begbie, his hand got cut but no one helps him- The bar scene is definitely the scene where Mark's strings broke.

Mark knew that Sick Boy would somehow steal the money if he didn't take it. Also, Begbie would probably threaten everyone and get more money for himself. But what about what he did to Tommy?

Mark had indirectly caused Tommy and his girlfriend to break up, and he doesn't reveal that he was the one who got the sex tape so it is basicly Mark's fault that they broke up. Let's say that he couldn't tell the truth because what he did was so shameful, but he could have been a good friend and would try to stay by Tommy's side. But what did he do?

Tommy was upset because he broke up with his girlfriend, and Mark, supposed to be Tommy's friend, gave the boy heroin without blinking an eye because he got the money - let's say he did it because he needed the money. Then later on he saw the state of Tommy's apartment, the state of his clothes, his lack of money, and gave him money, not helping him to get clean from heroin- And here, too, me and my friends had different opinions about this "favor" that Mark did by giving Tommy cash. While I thought Rent's smile was mean, others didn't think so. Let me explain why I think so. My first impressions of Tommy were the following (I'll cross out the ones that Mark doesn't have): He is handsome, he has a girlfriend(x), he has a regular sex life(x), he plays sports(x), he has a nice apartment(x), his parents obviously send him money(x), his only habit is smoking(x), he is confident, etc. etc.

Mark didn't really like Tommy.

I think Mark harbors an inner resentment against those who follow a path other than the junkie life. The choose life speech at the beginning of the movie is almost indistinguishable from the choose life speech at the end - Rent is about to choose a new life and yet he can still talk about this life in a hateful tone. That's why I think he's also full of resentment towards Tommy - that's why we never see him trying to help or regretting it, even though he indirectly arranges Tommy's end. He's upset when he sees Tommy and his apartment in that state, but when he gives Tommy money, he smiles, and it's not a comforting smile, it's a “You thought you were shit, you thought you were better than me, look, the tables have turned” kind of grin. Or, In some other scene, the guys had gone somewhere out of civilization, by train. There Tommy just says, “It's nice out, let's go for a walk, aren't you proud to be Scottish”, he's just trying to encourage his friends to go for a walk. Its all for nothing tho. After all, people who can only release hormones through chemicals are not going to want a natural antidepressant like walking. Rent screams at Tommy out of blue, because he cannot stand him being happy or hopeful. I think Rent is in wrong when it comes to Tommy, but no one else deserved any sympathy in that friend group.

To sum up, Rent's main problem was that he had an addictive personality, which made him lazy, unreliable, and addicted to his friends. When he eventually had a chance to break his chains from addiction, he was also able to cut his friends immediately, but I don't think we can blame him for it.

Trainspotting is still the best film about addiction and bad friends, who make you worse, not better. These type of friendships can be even deadly when you are young and naive. Stay away from people like Sick Boy for example... (or Mark, they are all evil.)

BONUS: That Epic Choose Life Speech

[imaginemcyt]

sisterinnit!

cc!wilbur soot x tommy’s older sister

tw: language

note: this one uses specifically she/her pronouns, however, you can replace them with your pronouns. it won’t change the story at all. sorry that this is kinda shit but tumblr deleted my draft and i had to completely rewrite it so this is what i’ve got. hope you enjoy! <3

“y/n this is wilbur, wilbur this is y/n.” tommy gave the basic introductions with a bored look on his face.

“y/n simons, pleasure to meet you.”

“wilbur soot, the pleasure is all mine.”

as he shook your hand, you stared into each other’s eyes. he wore a small smile, that was almost a smirk. was it just you, or was there electricity when your hands touched? that had to be in your head, right? your gaze lingered on the other for perhaps a little too long before you let go of each other’s hands.

“now get out, y/n.” tommy pushed you towards the door.

•••

“y/n can you see wilbur out? i’m busy!”

wilbur looked at you with a smile, causing you to blush. you nodded and yelled back at your brother, “yeah!”

you led wilbur to the front door, opening it and stepping to the side. you looked at him to find he was already looking at you. he grabbed your hand and placed a kiss on your knuckles.

“it was nice meeting you, y/n.”

as you stuttered out a reply, he gave you that same almost-smirk and turned away, walking down your driveway.

•••

“what are you doing up?”

you jumped, not expecting to see someone in your kitchen at two am. then you remembered tommy had invited friends over.

“oh, it’s you. i… i can’t sleep. what are you still doing awake?”

you filled a glass up with water and began to drink it, putting it in the sink when you were done.

“tommy snores really loud.”

you both let out a light laugh at your younger brother’s expense.

“well, since we’re both awake, do you want to do something? we could watch friends? that’s all i was doing anyway.”

“that sounds great.”

you both made your way up the stairs and into your room. you sat on the bed and set up the laptop with the episode you were currently on. eventually you were laying down together watching joey do lunges in all of chandler’s clothes.

(like this ^^^)

you were about halfway through a second episode when tommy interrupted.

“what the hell are you guys doing?”

you both looked up at the tired gremlin child.

“watching friends.” wilbur gave him a cheeky smile.

•••

“hello?”

“oh! uh, hello…?”

“oh it’s you, wilbur!” you spoke over your brother’s headset while he was in the bathroom.

“y/n? hi! what are you doing?”

“well tommy’s in the toilet so i wanted to see who he was talking to. turns out it’s you!”

wilbur let out a chuckle. “it’s me!”

“GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM!”

“uh oh, gotta go!” you threw down the headset before running for your life.

•••

“y/n, hang out with us!”

you stopped at the doorway, looking back at the group of boys all sitting on the floor. jack manifold, tubbo, and wilbur all stared up at you.

“no, y/n, get out of my room.” tommy spoke from his spot on the bed.

“aww, why can’t she stay?”

“yeah, tommy, don’t be a dick, man.”

“y/n, stay!”

“no, y/n, leave.”

you looked nervous, being pulled in two different directions, before ultimately deciding that you had other things to do.

“sorry guys, i should probably go.”

a chorus of disappointed groans and “aww”s left the group before you waved and closed the door behind you.

you went back to your room, deciding to give your brother his space despite your loneliness and boredom. you knew you’d want the same from him.

you decided to mess around with your ukulele to pass the time. you played your favorite song, singing along quietly. it wasn’t long before a knock on the door made you stop.

“come in.”

the door opened and none other than wilbur soot popped his head in.

“hey.”

“hey. tommy asked me to tell you to shut up, but i think you sound lovely.”

you turned slightly pink. “oh, uh, thanks. tell tommy i’m sorry and i’ll keep it down.”

“no need, he’s a prick anyway.” he made his way to where you sat on the bed, taking a seat next to you.

“what are you playing?”

you smiled and told him about how it was your favorite song by your favorite artist and you loved how fun it was. he requested you play a little bit for him, so you did. when you were done, you started to talk about it a little more.

at least until you realized he wasn’t listening. he was staring at your lips, leaning in. you followed suit.

the door burst open, causing you two to spring apart.

“wilbur, what the hell is taking so long? and what are you two doing in here with the door closed?”

wilbur smiled at tommy. “playing music, of course.”

tommy gave a skeptical look, dragging wilbur out of the room with a “keep it down, y/n!”

wilbur stopped at the doorway. “by the way, i quite like hanging out with you, y/n.”

•••

“your hands are so tiny!”

“they are not,” you gasped. “your hands are just huge, probably because you’re a giant of a man.”

wilbur laughed. “put your hand up,” he instructed. he touched his to yours gently, showing off the size difference.

you both giggled before stopping and looking into each other’s eyes. he gave you a gentle smile and slipped his fingers in between yours, interlocking them and holding your hand in his larger one.

you looked back at him and smiled.

•••

you knocked on the door three times, and he answered not long after.

“y/n? what are you doing here?”

“tommy thinks he left his sweater here and asked if i could drop by and pick it up on my way home.”

“oh yeah, one second.”

he disappeared for a moment before returning, holding your brother’s red hoodie. “here you go,” he said with a smile.

“thank you. sorry to bother you.”

“it’s no trouble. can i walk you home?”

you felt yourself heating up and smiled. “if you’d like.”

he nodded and grabbed his jacket. then you both started off toward the simons residence. you almost made it before it started raining.

it was light rain at first, so you carried on. however, it got heavier by the second, and pretty soon it was pouring on you two.

wilbur took off his jacket and held it above your heads. “we’re almost there, run!”

the two of you ran the rest of the way, only stopping once you got to your porch. you looked at each other for a moment, catching your breath. then you started laughing. you were both soaked and standing there like idiots, laughing at yourselves.

your laughter soon died down, and then you were just smiling at each other. he reached over to you and brushed a wet piece of hair behind your ear, getting it out of your face.

you weren’t stupid. you knew the look he was giving you was a lovestruck gaze, but you decided to play dumb.

“what?”

then finally it happened. after months of flirting and mutual pining, he closed the gap and kissed you. with his right hand on your face he crashed his lips to yours (a/n: that sounds violent but it’s not meant to be lol), pulling you closer with his left. you wrapped your arms around him, hands tangling in his hair.

passion mingled with desperation and you kissed long after you were breathless. you didn’t part until you heard a loud yell of disgust.

you instantly sprang apart with swollen lips and red faces.

“are you fucking kidding me? that’s my sister, man!” tommy yelled, glaring at wilbur.

he then looked to you. “and you, kissing my best mate?!”

you stood there shocked for a moment before coming to your senses.

“uhhh, I wasn’t kissing, were you kissing?” you said, turning to wilbur and praying to god he caught on to your obvious lie.

“no, i wasn’t kissing.” he shook his head.

“neither was i! see, no kissing here.”

“i’m not stupid,” said tommy, voice low and angry as opposed to the shock and disgust from before. “i saw everything.”

he then turned and walked away from the door, leaving you two alone again.

a moment of awkward silence passed. “i should probably… you know.” you said, pointing to the house.

“oh yeah, no, definitely.” he rubbed the back of his neck.

“and look, i’m sorry if i ruined your friendship with tommy. i know you guys are close, and i hope he forgives you.”

he gave you a sad smile. “same here, love.” he then kissed your cheek and took off into the rain once more.

you went inside and tried fixing things with tommy, who refused to speak to you. after sitting outside his bedroom door for nearly an hour, you finally gave up and headed back into your room. you opened discord.

[your username]: tommy’s ignoring me. i’ve just sat outside his room for an hour and he refuses to talk to me.

WilburSoot: i’ll give it a go.

he did not speak to wilbur. tommy left him on read every time.

•••

tommy avoided you entirely for two weeks. he left the room if you walked in, and he wouldn’t speak to you at the dinner table. your mother was curious what was going on between you two, but neither of you would say anything about it.

finally, you’d had enough.

you asked your mother to call tommy out of his room, since he wouldn’t answer if you were to try. she did, just wanting you two to speak again. once he arrived in the living room, you jumped him. you grabbed him around the middle and threw him on the couch, planting yourself on top of him so he couldn’t run away. your mum left the room.

“hey, you asshole, get off of me!”

“no, tommy! enough is enough! you’re not leaving until you hear me out!”

“no, i don’t want to talk to you!”

“too bad because i’m not moving until you hear what i have to say! i don’t want us to keep avoiding each other like this.”

he went silent and thought about it for a moment, an angry and skeptical look on his face. “…fine. get it over with.”

you took a deep breath.

“tommy, you’re my little brother, and i love you. i’ll always love you, even when you hate me. just know that i never meant to hurt you or make you angry. however… you can’t tell me how to live my life, or who i can be with. i want to be with wilbur. i can’t help it, tommy, i love him. you can be happy for me or not, that’s your choice. but what isn’t your choice, is who i love.”

by the end of your speech, your voice was shaking and your eyes were watery. you got off of tommy and helped him sit up.

his face softened. “you… you love him?”

your tears ran down your cheeks. you nodded. “i do.”

tommy sighed before pulling you into a hug. it was rare for him to show affection, especially to you, but after everything that happened between the two of you, he felt it was important.

“i love you, y/n. you’re my sister, i could never hate you. i’m happy for you. but just know, best mate or not, i’ll castrate him if he makes you sad.”

you laughed, wiping away your tears.

“i should… probably speak with wilbur, yeah?”

you nodded. tommy stood and went back to his room. you followed not long after, and even though you knew it was frowned upon, you stopped to listen at his door.

“tommy, thank god you’re speaking to me. listen, man, i–”

“do you love her, wilbur?”

“what?”

“my sister. do you love her?”

“i– yeah. yeah, i do.”

“good. listen, all i want is for y/n to be happy. meaning if you make her cry, i’ll murder you.”

wilbur chuckled on the other line, making you smile.

“you won’t have to worry about that. i promise you i’ll take care of her.”

“just don’t make my sister cry and don’t be gross in front of me, alright big man?”

“you’ve got yourself a deal, tommyinnit.”

you smiled again before heading off in the direction of your room.

[mt-words]

TLDR, because of preexisting biases and subtleties in story telling methods, c!Philza was set up to fail from the start. Whichever direction he took his character, a big chunk of the fandom was going to hate him. Props to Philza for choosing an interesting path and getting himself there as gracefully as possible. I’ll use everyone’s names to refer to the content creators unless specified otherwise. If you feel like I overlook or misinterpret anything please give your opinion in the tags, comments, or wherever else you like!

My first thought is with how he came into the story. c!Philza is the only character on the SMP to have plot points and head canons set in stone by other people before the creator even got to develop their storyline. He was set up as a paragon hero dad who would just solve all the problems in the story. To live up to that role he would need to protect every member of the SBI (and whoever else the fandom decided) from any form of conflict. That’s like if Gandalf flew with the eagles to destroy the Ring as soon as Bilbo found it in the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings just never happens. Sure, great, Frodo isn’t psychologically tortured by the Ring for three books, but where is our story?

That argument is only looking at the extreme end of the spectrum. A less extreme argument is that even if he isn't perfect, Philza should have tried a little harder to protect “his kids.” What does that phrase mean? c!Wilbur? He was dead, and there have been a lot of posts on whether c!Phil had to kill him, but from a creator point of view, Wilbur wrote that in. Philza could only decide how he was going to work with it. Philza had his character struggle with how to deal with those emotions and guilt over whether what he did was right. He tried to figure out what had broken his son so terribly and when he found the source he tried to stop a tragedy like that from ever occurring again. He still isn’t over it, but he has taken steps towards trying to make things right as he understands things. Tommy didn’t even know people thought Phil was his dad until either Tubbo or a donation brought it up weeks after November 16th. Philza has said before that as far as he’s aware, his only canonical son is c!Wilbur.

My only complaint about c!Philza is that some of his motivation feels cherry picked to end up on the same side as Techno. Can you blame Philza, though? Techno is the person Philza knows best on the server aside from Wilbur (who wasn’t actively in the plot at that point), and they love working together. I think we underappreciate Philza’s story telling skills in getting from point A to point B, and I think a lot of people missed how he got there.

Philza’s story telling is very subtle compared to what we’re used to on the SMP. Tommy will tell us every stream that his current motivation is to get his disks back or to build a hotel. Techno will give us soliloquies about his current feelings and speeches on why c!Techno thinks he’s right. Philza does some of these things, but he also frequently uses little aside comments and builds things up gradually enough that if you’re not paying attention you miss things. In addition a lot of the details are cleared up by questions in his donations, and most people who dislike his character probably don’t watch his whole streams. This leads to confusion about what c!Philza wants and why he does things that ends with people concluding that he’s just a bad person or a poorly written character.

The last point I want to make is the amount of hate he gets in comparison to characters with similar values (namely c!Techno). Because of the story telling differences even people who don’t agree with c!Techno have an easier time understanding his reasoning and are less predisposed to hate him. Techno also explains when certain head canons don’t line up with his character and is very assertive when fandom needs to stay separate to make the story work. There are more people ready to defend Techno because his fanbase is bigger. c!Philza comes with a more complicated backstory, and he’s an easier target for anyone who is upset at the destruction of L’manburg or that he didn’t come in and fix everything like they wanted him to.

Philza was given a difficult foundation to build his character off of, and c!Philza isn’t perfect but he shouldn’t be. The nuance is what makes him and his story interesting. If you dislike the character for his flaws, I’m glad you’re able to be invested in the story and I hope you continue to enjoy it! But there’s a line between analysis and bashing, and I think people could cross it a little less often.

[hangezoeenthusiast]

Papa

Part 2 Part 3

let me know if you wanna be tagged please. this will be a series

fem!daughter!reader

word count: 1,855

person: c!schlatt, c!quackity, c!karl, c!sapnap

warnings: parents, cursing, yelling, orphans, cigars and alcohol mention (btw these are the warnings for now)

synopsis: you were loved, you were cherished, then someone left, and other people replaced that person, and you didn't like that.

-

Your biological parents threw you out of their home because they couldn't care for you. You were at least at the brink of 2 years old when this happened. They put you in a little stroller and took you to an orphanage. "Miss Jessica's Home For Orphans", it was a stupid place, but the place got you fed, and clothed.

On some fortunate day, you were going to get adopted. Quackity his name was. He came in, and asked for kids 2-6. "Those ages are easy to maintain", he thought in his head. He was contemplating whether or not to get a child of his own. He was lonely, no one to love, no one to care for. So Miss Jessica called everyone 2-6 years old to come.

With help from a older person, everyone 2-6 came downstairs. Quackity looked at everyone, and wondered which child he would bring home. Then he looked at you. you looked so adorable, so cute. He asked you, "Hey kid, what's your name." "I'm Y/n, how are you." you smiled at him with barely any teeth. He pulled you gently off to the side, "Hey kiddo, do you want to come with me to my house?" "Yes Mr." you answer.

You were glad to go to Quackity's house, you never had any love from anyone.

-

(Spongebob theme) 8 years later

You were 10 years old, living happily with Quackity. 8 years ago, he came to the orphanage and picked you up, ever since, you were showered with love and care. But there was one thing, you never called Quackity dad. You would just call him Alex or Quackity.

“Hey Quackity, what’s for lunch?”

“Ummm, some pizza with wings, buffalo right?”

“Yeah.”

Quackity felt bad, you never and did call him by dad, or any parental name. “Hey kid, can i talk to you about something.”

You put down your water, “Yeah, what’s up?” “So lately I’ve noticing that you have been calling me by my name?”

“Are you uncomfortable with me using your name.” you asked. “No, no, but it’s kinda weird, since, yaknow, I adopted you, and I’m a parental figure in your life, so maybe if you would call me dad or another parental name that would be cool?”

“Ohh, the only reason I was calling you by your name because I thought you were uncomfy with me calling you dad?”

“Oh thank goodness, I thought I did something wrong.” he sighed out.

"Could I possibly call you papa, since you-" he cut you off by hugging you. He squeezed his arms around you really hard, 'YES, YES, ANYTHING."

So after that, you would call him papa or dad, and sometimes use his real name.

-

6 years later, you were 16. The election happened, the calling out of the votes, Coconut2020 coming in fourth, which was last, who was lead by Fundy and Nihachu, Schlatt2020 coming in third, lead by Jschlatt, Swag2020 coming in second, lead by Quackity who is your papa and Georgenotfound, and Pog2020 coming in first lead by Tommyinnit, Wilbur Soot, and Tubbo. Also the sudden announcement of Schlatt2020 and Swag2020 polling votes, and the speech by Schlatt stating that Wilbur Soot and Tommyinnit were no longer citizens of L'Manberg now turned Manberg.

You were surprised, you didn't know that your father with add his votes with Schlatt's. So immediately after Wilbur and Tommy got banned from Manberg, Quackity and Schlatt called you and Tubbo up to the stage. "HEY YOU TWO, COME UP HERE." Schlatt yelled at you both. You both were reluctant to go, Schlatt was scary, his ram-horned self.

"It's ok Y/n, you're ok." your father told you. You stiffly went up the stage with Tubbo. "Tubbo, I want you to be the Secretary of State, and Y/n, I want you to be the First Lady, since your dad is the Vice-President." Schlatt demanded you both to be.

You didn't really want to be in a position of power. You were happy with living with Quackity, in L'Manberg, with no place of authority over anyone.

"Are you sure Schlatt, I mean, I suck at authority." said Tubbo. "Yes, I'm sure, I'm totally sure."

-

You were doing some paperwork for Schlatt when Tubbo came into your office, "Y/n, Schlatt and Quackity want you in their office."

"Ok, I need to finish this paperwork for Punz, he needs-"

"They said it's urgent."

"Fineee." you got up from your chair, "Thanks Tubbo, by the way, can you finish the paperwork, if you aren't busy."

"Yeah sure Y/n, just hurry up, they are really acting crazy in there." he jokingly stated. "Trust me, they're doing nothing."

You went out of your office, and walked all the way to Schlatt's. There, you found Quackity and Schlatt sitting together, talking about some random presidental shit. "Hey, what you guys needed me for?" you asked. You were desperate to go back to your office, still not used to this place. "We need to tell you something." they synchronized.

"Okkk, so what?"

"Umm, well Y/n, meet your new dad." you gaped at Quackity, then Schlatt repeatedly.

"NOPE."

"NEVER."

"WHY HIM."

"HE SUCKS ASS."

"HE SMELLS LIKE CIGARS AND ALCOHOL, WHY WOULD YOU WANNA DATE SOMEONE WHO SMELLS LIKE THAT."

You rambled on and on until Quackity covered your mouth to stop your obsequent talking, "Calm down mi quierda, first of all, it's not your choice, he makes me happy, I make him happy, and lastly, he smells great."

"YEAH I DO, YOU TELL HER BABE, I DON’T STINK." Schlatt yelled across the room.

“But why him, like there is multiple other people who is better than him.” you whined.

“Ok kid, I like, no love him, he loves me, why can’t you be happy with that.” Schlatt told you irritated.

“But-”

“No buts, just please be supporting of us, please mi amor?”

“Fine, doesn’t mean I like it.”

-

After that little argument you had with Schlatt and Quackity, you finished leftover paperwork so there wouldn’t be a pile of it when you came back to the office the next day.

You heard a knock on the door, and told them to come in. To your surprise, annoyingly, it was Schlatt, holding up your favorite hamburger from McDonalds. “Hey kid, what you doing?” he asked you.

You didn’t respond to him, trying to stay silent and finish the paperwork. “Your dad told me your favorite meal from McDonald’s, yaknow, as a present I guess.”

You still ignored him. "Kid, I know you don't like me, I wouldn't like me either if I found out my dad was dating-" you interrupted him, "It's not that, I want dad to be happy, it's YOU, you don't deserve his love. Do you understand Schlatt?"

He put his hand on your knee, "I know, I don't deserve him, I'm not trying to replace anyone in your life, I just want to make Quackity and possibly you happy."

You blankly looked at him, "Ok, that was a good statement, but if you hurt dad, I will make sure you live the rest of your life feeling like shit."

"We got a deal kid, you accept this partnership between me and your dad, and I'll won't break his heart, deal?"

You shook his hand, "Deal Schlatt."

-

"Hey kid, we're going out to a date, you want anything from outside?" Schlatt knocked on your door to your room. You were reading your favorite book when Schlatt interrupted your reading process, "Nah, have a good date."

You were kinda accepting Schaltt dating Quackity. You didn't like their PDA though. It was absolutely digusting, but it made your father happy. "Hey babe, what you doing in here?" Quackity appeared at the frame of your door. "Nothing, just talking to little ol' Y/n, isn't that right?"

"Yes, don't call me that though." "Ok then, you ready babe?" asked Schlatt. "Yeah, Y/n, don't do anything stupid while me and Schlatt are gone." You rolled your eyes, "I'm not going to do anything stupid papa, just have a great night with Jcum." "HEY, DON'T CALL ME JCUM."

"Love you both." you got back into your book, not knowing that the both of them were shocked.

Those three little words got both of them gaping at you. You didn't like Schlatt from the beginning, and you were saying to him "love you"? "What did you just say mi amor?" "I said love you both." you didn't know that those words were significant to Schlatt.

He wanted your approval of dating Quackity, since you are his only daughter. "HOLY SHIT, YOU SAID LOVE YOU TO ME, TO ME." Schlatt leaped with joy. "Don't take it too serious Jschlatt, you kinda warmed up to me these past weeks." you smirked.

He walked to your bed, and hugged you with all his might.

"Schlatt."

"What are you doing?"

"You are squeezing me too tight."

"I can't breath right now, let go of me."

You squeezed out, he was crushing all the oxygen out of your body, "Sorry, Y/n." he shyly spoke, rubbing the back of his neck. "Schlatt, we have had a lot of arguments, I didn't like you, still kinda don't right now, but you are actually a good person, and I actually, not fakely, approve you to date my dad."

Schlatt ran out your room screaming repeatedly, "YES, LET'S GOOO."

-

Quackity was out doing some random things for Schlatt, while you were cooking Schlatt's favorite food. Since last week you declared that you were actually ok with their relationship, you actually got comfortable with Jschlatt being near you.

It was a teasing relationship, you guys making fun of each other when the other did something wrong. To kinda celebrate the event, you were making food. You heard the door open, and there Schlatt was in his presidential suit. "Hey Schlatt, what's up?" you questioned while mixing the pasta in the pot.

He took of his jacket, shoes, and tie, looking stressed, "Nothing kid, just stresed out" "About what?" "Tubbo needs a lot of items to get something for me, but I don't have them." he sighed. "What does he need?" "He needs stupid netherite, the only thing I don't have in hand." "I actually have some, I could give it to Tubbo." you stated. "Thanks kiddo." "No problem Schlatt."

"Anyways, food is going to be ready in an hour."

"Thanks, I'll be in my room."

"Ok dad." He stopped in his tracks, "What did you just say to me." "What do you mean?" "Y-you just called me dad." he stumbled on his words with unbelief lacing them.

You smiled over your shoulder, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, who knows?" "You actually consider me to be your dad?"

"Well yeah, you're nice to me and papa, you take care of me, you love me, so why not?"

He hugged you from behind, "Thanks kiddo, I'll receive this announcemet with honor," he jokingly stated. "No problemo dad, just go take a shower, you stink." "NEVER." he wrapped his arms around you as much as he could.

(This is the end of this first part, this is my first time making a series, let me know what you think)