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mediaevalmusereads · 4 years ago

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The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics. By Olivia Waite. New York: Avon Impulse, 2019.

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

Genre: historical romance, wlw romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Feminine Pursuits #1

Summary: As Lucy Muchelney watches her ex-lover’s sham of a wedding, she wishes herself anywhere else. It isn’t until she finds a letter from the Countess of Moth, looking for someone to translate a groundbreaking French astronomy text, that she knows where to go. Showing up at the Countess’ London home, she hoped to find a challenge, not a woman who takes her breath away.

Catherine St Day looks forward to a quiet widowhood once her late husband’s scientific legacy is fulfilled. She expected to hand off the translation and wash her hands of the project—instead, she is intrigued by the young woman who turns up at her door, begging to be allowed to do the work, and she agrees to let Lucy stay. But as Catherine finds herself longing for Lucy, everything she believes about herself and her life is tested.

While Lucy spends her days interpreting the complicated French text, she spends her nights falling in love with the alluring Catherine. But sabotage and old wounds threaten to sever the threads that bind them. Can Lucy and Catherine find the strength to stay together or are they doomed to be star-crossed lovers?

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: sexism, allusions to homophobia

Overview: I feel like I’m in the minority of not loving this book as much as I wanted to. Based on content alone, it should have been a perfect storm for me: a historical sapphic romance, a lady scientist, debates about the value of art and women’s contributions... but while the romance genre doesn’t have nearly enough wlw stories, representation alone wasn’t enough to sustain my interest in this novel. It had the threads of a good story - something along the lines of The Countess Conspiracy or The Suffragette Scandal - but in my opinion, too much of the focus was on needless interpersonal drama, which left the plot dragging for the bulk of the story. So though the representation is great, and there are a number of feminist themes that I think are valuable, I didn’t enjoy this book enough to give it more than 2 or 3 stars.

Writing: Waite’s prose is about what you’d expect from the romance genre. It’s simple and straightforward, getting to the point without leaving the reader wondering what’s going on. My main criticism would perhaps be that Waite sometimes does a little head-hopping in the middle of a chapter without a section break. One minute, we’ll be seeing things from Lucy’s POV, and the next, we’ll get something from Catherine, then back to Lucy. It was a little jarring, but not too distracting - I could still immerse myself in the story ok.

Plot: The Lady’s Guide follows Lucy Muchelney as she translates, expands, and publishes M. Oleron’s Mechanique celeste (an astronomy text) under the patronage of Lady Catherine St. Day, Countess of Moth. After being rebuffed by the male members of the Polite Science Society, Lucy endeavors to render her own translation in hopes of educating readers who are interested in astronomy, but may not have had access to the range of texts needed to understand Oleron’s work. Catherine, for her part, funds the printing of Lucy’s work, while also discovering her own value as an embroiderer.

On the surface, this plot had all the things I love: women in science, valuing women’s art, a social commentary on patriarchy. But despite the interesting threads, I didn’t feel as if Waite used them to the greatest advantage. Aside from a few scenes, there wasn’t a lot of external pressure from the Polite Society; any drama that arose from their sexism was easily dismissed or avoided with a trip to the country, and I felt as if sexism in this book was more of a nuisance than a threat. This isn’t to say I wanted the characters to be constantly suffering or be miserable from an onslaught of male meddling, but I would like to have seen more of a sustained plotline where the Polite Society attempts to thwart Lucy’s efforts, thereby creating more suspense and giving Lucy and Catherine some external challenges to face together.

I also think the subplots could have been strengthened so that they enhanced the main conflict. The plot involving Eliza, the maid with a talent for sketching, was a good parallel to Catherine’s arc, which involved finding and rewarding women’s talents in art, but Eliza wasn’t a compelling character on her own, nor did I think Catherine reflect enough on the paradox of how she encouraged Eliza but not herself. I also think more could have been done with Lucy’s brother, Stephen, so that his meddling in Lucy’s career paralleled the Polite Society’s - just in a more subtle way, thereby showing different forms of sexism. Granted, there is a little of that, but like the Polite Society, Stephen pops up at convenient times before disappearing a page or two later.

Characters: I hate to say it, but I didn’t feel as if I could connect to the characters. Lucy, one of our heroines, is a mathematician and astronomer who inspires Catherine to see herself as an artist... and that’s mostly it. I guess she’s also bold and headstrong, but honestly, she felt more like an archetype than a fully-fledged character.

Catherine, for her part, is meek on account of being mistreated by her husband, but has brilliant skills as an embroiderer and is generous with her financial support. I did like the depth that Catherine had with regards to her insecurity over whether or not she could call herself an artist, and I liked that she respected Lucy’s feelings and didn’t allow her desires to be too selfish. But I also felt like she had no ambition or desires of her own until maybe 75% of the way through the book, and she mainly existed to support Lucy.

Side characters were hit or miss. I liked the idea of Eliza, the maid who gets to put her drawing skills to use as an engraver, but she wasn’t a fully-fleshed out character and didn’t hold my interest on her own. Stephen, Lucy’s brother, had the potential to be interesting, as he is an artist and acts as a foil to Lucy in many ways, but he flits in and out of the story as needed. Even Lucy’s ex, Pricilla, seems only to exist to make petty drama; there was no pining, no angst, and I didn’t see why Lucy had once loved her. There wasn’t even any commentary on how both Pris and Catherine were blond women who were skilled at embroidery.

Polite Society members had the potential to be good antagonists, but because their appearances were so contained, I don’t think they were used to their full potential. They provided some nice commentary, but I would have liked to see them meddle more often in Lucy’s translation process.

Romance: This is personal preference: I don’t like it when the love interests get together too early in the story. It usually means the rest of the romance is going to revolve around petty drama, and I think that’s what I got here. Lucy and Catherine become a couple some 25% of the way through the book, and for the life of me, I couldn’t see why they wanted to be together other than they were interested in women and happened to be sharing a house. Over time, their reasons for loving one another became a little more clear: Lucy loves that Catherine believes in her and lets her forge her own path, whereas Catherine loves that Lucy values her skills and lifts her up, rather than dismissing her (as Catherine’s deceased husband did). While these are certainly nice, I wanted there to be a little more to their romance. Because they got together so quickly, there was very little pining, very little growth in their affections.

I also think all the angst and relationship drama that happened after they got together was a little tedious. Lucy spends some time pining for her ex, which causes Catherine to be jealous. Catherine also sees the relationship as being incompatible at one point because Lucy likes science and she likes art, so of course that means they’re on different paths that can’t be reconciled. Most of the barriers to the relationship could have been overcome by either talking it out or getting to know one another a little better, so rather than good tension (in the form of suspense), I felt like there was pointless tension. I would have much rather seen Waite dive into the very real concerns, such as the economic inequality between them or the lack of permanence that comes with not being able to marry - I think those are real, life-altering concerns that could have tied in well with the non-romance plot, but unfortunately, those concerns seemed to be resolved a little too neatly.

TL;DR: Despite having some much-needed wlw representation and a number of feminist themes, The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics does little to cultivate a compelling plot and relies on misunderstandings to drive the romantic tension.

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amandajaugustine · 4 years ago

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blogpost #3 Amanda Joy Augustine

In Portable Objects in Three Global Cities: The Personalization of Urban Places, Ito Okabe gives insight to how people use portable objects and media such as information communication technologies (ICTs) to inhabit, navigate and interface with urban environments. This gives us greater insight in understanding how these devices contribute to an individual’s identity and interpersonal relationships with people and physical spaces. The researchers had done fieldwork shadowing participants from 3 major cities, Tokyo, London and Los Angeles where they concluded that their behaviours are all relatively similar and could be summarised into 3 categories - cocooning, camping and footprinting. Cocooning refers to individuals creating an invisible bubble of private space in a public area, a commonly cited example would be individuals being engrossed in their phones on public transport. Camping is a practise of scheduling and planning to go to a public space to do personal work involving the use of “bulkier” portable media like laptops. This is usually done at libraries and cafes and oftentimes, it coexists with cocooning, where one removes them self from the possibility of physical and social interactions with their media objects like headphones. Finally, the last category is footprinting which follows the customer transactions and their loyalty to certain places through the use of member reward cards and access cards which traces their movements through different establishments.

It is apparent how cocooning, camping and footprinting is prevalent every day in the Singapore. In a technologically advanced society, majority would own personal mobile devices like handphones, which are especially important for contact tracing during this covid-19 pandemic in Singapore. Unboxing my personal media kit, I realised that most of the time, I leave the house with only my handphone as it has everything I need, such as my bank cards and membership card applications, to go about my day. I thought it was interesting how Ito Okabe treated the phone as daily necessity to people in urban society instead of something in isolation, emphasising how the use of phones have become so intertwined with our lives, it’s hard to live without it, which is something I see in Singapore, where oftentimes everyone is glued to their personal devices. Despite the rather comprehensive study, I found the study to be lacking in its definition of footprinting, which mostly revolved around commercial establishments and the use of loyalty membership cards. Beyond just that, there are many other ways to footprint such as geotagging on social media and devices. Instagram and Snapchat are known for including geotagging on their platforms. Instagram allows users to store or tag their content based on the specific location, down to the latitude and longtitude while Snapchat introduced geofilters which allows users to create and use fun overlays to dress up a snap which are only available at certain locations. Beyond that, there are also inbuilt applications in smartphones such as the photos and calendar app which automatically geotags the locations where each photo was taken while the calendar allows you to geotag the location where you scheduled your meetings. These examples thus illustrates how footprinting has permeated more boundaries over the years.

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supposedlyawitch · 4 years ago

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shadow work

i found a site that explains shadow work and i want to do some work with it and i’m willing to share the details the site has here. I’m putting this also here so i can look back on it. I already know my shadow is probably bigger and deeper than all the oceans combined. it might be interesting to explore, it might not, but it has to be done. This is basically free therapy.

Please note: Shadow Work exercises should not be undertaken if you struggle with low self-esteem. Exploring your demons will likely make you feel a million times worse about yourself and may spiral into self-hatred. Before doing Shadow Work, I strongly and emphatically encourage you to work on Self-Love. Shadow Work should only be undertaken by those who have healthy and stable self-worth, and a friendly relationship with themselves. See this article on how to love yourself for more guidance.

Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self. Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.” This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history. These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.

Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self (see our Collective Shadow article for a deeper explanation).

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’ (We’ll explore how the Shadow is formed next.)

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow. There are no exceptions here. The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side. This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self. Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

“I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

“I have never strayed.”

“God is proud of me.”

“Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

“Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

“I’m a role model.”

“I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

“I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadows.

How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists Steve Price and David Haynes write:

But, as we develop our ego personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

Each of us is like Dorian Grey. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanour; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that do not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviours that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming and invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work in order to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality have a tendency to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

Emotional and mental manipulation of others

Greed and addictions

Phobias and obsessive compulsions

Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

Intense anxiety

Chronic psychosomatic illness

Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

Sexual perversion

Narcissistically inflated ego

Chaotic relationships with others

Self-loathing

Self-absorption

Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadows is through psychological projection.

The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection. Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix.

Why?

Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

More confidence to be your authentic self

More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

Increased compassion and understanding for others, particularly those you dislike

Enhanced creativity

Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

Improved physical and mental health

More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

Access to your Soul or Higher Self

A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

Seven Tips For Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, it’s important for you to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

Have you practiced self-love yet? If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadows will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

Are you prepared to make time? Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths which are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

Understand that you are not your thoughts. It is essential for you to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

Practice self-compassion. It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

Record everything you find. Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given power to in my life unconsciously, because what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. A part of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or a childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself. Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self. His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness. If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature. Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have a number of Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

The Sorcerer

The Dictator

The Victim

The Shadow Witch

The Addict

The Idiot

The Trickster

The Destroyer

The Slave

The Shadow Mother

The Hag

The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1. The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2. The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3. The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4. The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5. The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6. The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7. The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8. The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9. The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10. The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11. The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12. The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13. The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.

#shadow work #witchcraft #mental health #secular witch #therapy

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homestuck-session-analysis · 5 years ago

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If this is open: what's your take on a session with a Page of Blood, Knight of Doom, Mage of Void, Maid of Heart, Seer of Time, Heir of Space, Rogue of Hope, and Bard of Breath? If it's relevant, the Maid has a lot of beef with the Knight and Mage. Sorry if the askbox is only open for reasons of mod application stuff, I wasn't sure. Have a nice day either way.

Here’s our second Forgotten Ask! I am so sorry this sat here for so long just for me to take like a couple hours with it. Look, this was sent when we were still accepting mod applications! Here’s your session, again below the Keep Reading.

Page of Blood

Personality: Pages are known to be very weak and impressionable. Like the knight, they are very insecure about their weaknesses, but instead of acting impressive, they display their weakness in hope that someone will help. As a Blood player, they would be very awkward and distant. They can only grow once they become confident in their interpersonal relationships.

Abilities: The Page of Blood would eventually be able to bring people together with bonds of steel.

Session Contribution: This player will be the source of much of the team’s cohesion in the late game.Knight of Doom

Personality: Knights are a very insecure lot, typically using their aspect to attempt to create a facade that makes them seem more impressive. As a Doom player, they would try to appear intimidating and dangerous, like Death incarnate, but in reality, they are depressed and concerned for their friends. To develop as a person, they must learn to trust others and lower their walls.

Abilities: The Knight of Doom is the wielder of death itself. They would be very proficient with many different weapons, and ultimately, they may be able to temporarily raise the dead.

Session Contribution: Knights are called to sessions with a shortage of their aspect, so this session will likely have too few people dying, if that makes sense. The Knight’s job is to make the most of each death to make up for this lack.Mage of Void

Personality: Mages tend to be very intelligent and bright, but also tend to be jaded and cynical. However, they gain their knowledge through experiences, often painful ones. As a Void player, this person is likely often forgotten or neglected in some way, or often harmed because they’re accidentally left in the dark, allowing them to learn how to properly use their Void powers!

Abilities: The Mage of Void gains knowledge of secrets and mysteries for their own benefit, so I believe they would be a master manipulator, using secrets to pull strings, or perhaps a true magician, using hidden, forbidden knowledge to wield black magic.

Session Contribution: This Mage is a wild card, so if you can manage it, try to make their learning experiences pleasant. Otherwise, they can really mess your shit up. Overall, this player is rather offensively focused for an observation class.Maid of Heart

Personality: Maids often feel a great deal of responsibility that was pushed onto them without their consent. They feel that it is their job to ensure that everything is working properly, even when they are not recognized for their efforts. As a Heart player, this Maid would most likely be a strong matchmaker, or very obsessed with personality tests. However, I doubt they will be very successful in love.

Abilities: The Maid of Heart maintains the soul and its emotions, so they may be able to create people (not living humans, though, that would be a Life player’s domain), undo the damage done to a person’s soul, or be able to ease a person’s emotions. One thing’s for sure, though, they would be one hell of a matchmaker.

Session Contribution: The Maid of Heart is a very helpful support, and I highly recommend they get over whatever problems they have with the Mage, because they can likely ensure the Mage will have a more pleasant experience realizing their powers, and side with the team instead of going rogue. Seer of Time

Personality: Seers are exceedingly intelligent, bright, and calculating. They are the people who seem to be wise beyond their years, though they are often afflicted with hubris. As a Time player, they would be perfectionistic beyond belief, and regularly feel that they aren’t doing enough even when they are the most productive member of the team. They would also feel significantly hopeless, as the future does not change easily in SBURB.

Abilities: The Seer of Time will be able to see visions of the future regularly.

Session Contribution: It is the Seer’s job to warn the team of any dangers up ahead.Heir of Space

Personality: Heirs tend to come off as very dumb, but a more accurate term would be happy-go-lucky. They are very much a representation of “ignorance is bliss,” for they tend to grow up very sheltered and secure, especially under by aspect. As a Space player, they would gain their safety from distance, likely leading a simple life isolated from society. Heirs tend to struggle with change, as they tend to get comfortable with where they are.

Abilities: The Heir of Space’s chief ability is teleportation to safety, although they may also possess reality-warping abilities that they may eventually learn to consciously control.

Session Contribution: The Space player’s job is to breed the Genesis Frog, but other than that, I feel that this player may feel rather disconnected from the others.Rogue of Hope

Personality: Rogues are very selfless people, as they share a worldview with Robin Hood. Their strong sense of justice and equality makes them easy to talk to, as they are very respectful. They are also very spunky and ready to do what’s right! As a Hope player, they tend to be especially concerned with social justice and equal opportunity, and they will be very trusting of others. Sometimes, the Rogue puts themself into danger to right a wrong, so make sure they understand that it’s okay that life isn’t always fair.

Abilities: The Rogue of Hope is a very strong asset, as they can reallocate their enemies’ success and potential to the team. This may manifest in the ability to take their very will to fight away and giving it to the team.

Session Contribution: The Rogue is a very important morale booster for the team, and depending on your interpretation of Hope, they might be able to solely win you the game.Bard of Breath

Personality: Bards tend to be extremely fixated on their aspect to the point of worship, or at least obsession, and they are only happy when they are able to share the wonders of their aspect with others. They are so fixated with this positive image of their aspect, whatever that image is, that if someone were to break it, they would go crazy. This is why Bards are exceptional berserker fighters. As a Breath player, the Bard would have a warped sense of individuality, refusing to listen to others and only taking his own path. Their break would result when they discover that they couldn’t do everything alone.

Abilities: Bards invite destruction through their aspect, so in addition to their berserk fighting style, they can also likely break up the team, making them either stronger or weaker.

Session Contribution: The Bard is likely going to wreak havoc on your team, and for once I’m not talking about a killing spree. However, they are an absolute powerhouse.

Player Interpersonal Dynamics

Keep the Bard and the Page as far away from each other as possible. The Bard will be very vocal about their distaste for conformity and how important it is to be your own person, and though that is all true, it will only get in the way of the Page feel comfortable with their aspect, which represents all the things the Bard is against.

The Page and the Rogue will be wonderful friends.

It upsets me that the Maid has beef with the Knight and the Mage, because those two can really benefit from the Maid’s calming presence. If the three can bury the hatchet, the chances of betrayal will drop significantly.

The Mage and Heir will either be very emotionally supportive of each other (they experience similar difficulties in their lives) or they will hate each other’s guts (they deal with those difficulties extremely differently).

Session Overview

Leader: Ultimately, the Page of Blood would be the best leader, but until they master their abilities, they can probably use a lot of help from the Rogue of Hope.

Offense: You are covered very well by the Bard, the Mage, and the Knight.

Planning: Seer of Time is overpowered, and the Mage of Void is also very powerful if they are allied to the team. Treat them right.

Survival: Knight of Doom is a good sign that very few people will die, the Seer of Time can likely avoid unwanted timelines, and the Heir of Space will very likely avoid death no matter what, but other than that you don’t really have any players who can really heal. Prevention is key to your session.

Frog Breeding: The Knight and the Heir will both likely need some time to master their powers, but once they do, they would probably get it done. Not a legendary pair, but a pair nonetheless.

Loyalty: At first it seems abysmal, because Mages of Void tend to have a lot of angst, Doom players in general are angsty, and the Bard of Breath is…well…the Bard of Breath. The Maid needs to step up and keep everyone happy, at least until the Page of Blood can figure out how to bring the team together.

Overall: The beginning seems to be a very bumpy ride, and the team doesn’t have a lot of very “compatible” players, but I have faith!

]>>Maso

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poetic-beats · 6 years ago

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I used to think the point of life was education, get a well paid job. Then everything else comes after like love, recreational activities, focus on inner self health and wellbeing. but that isnt it. I was thrust into a world in which i was not ready for. I was 'defunct' by all major capitalistic standards. Instead at 25 here I am, working on my own mental health. Working on improving my well being this including taking time out of recreation, hobbies etc. Focusing on the things that make me happy life my fiance and family time. Even if I am barely scraping by with the help of my parents currently. even though i dont have my career on lockdown at 25. There are more important things to life than money, climbing up the career ladder and forcing yourself into debt for higher education that stresses you out so you neglect mental well being and often your physical health too. It is about time we started focusing on wellness first, building interpersonal skills first, Focusing on good mental health and strategies and hobbies to avoid overloading on stressors with no healthy outlet. I am 25 and by capitlastic standards by societies self imposed norms and standards i am 'behind' everyone else. I would be seen as a failure. I have a no discernible experience or career path to follow. I dont have a house or even any where near enough money or the means to even legitimately save up for a deposit for one. But I am working on my relationships, myself. My happiness. And honestly dont knock it. We shouldnt sacrifice health especially not mental health for the sake of a job. It is not worth it. WE all need money, we all need some form of job or income however. Our lives shouldnt be put aside or put at risk just so we have money to put food on our table. I am fortunate to that I can focus on my mental illnesses and improving myself/mental health first. but for a long time i felt shame and guilt as if i was useless to society a defunct unproductive human being and therefore had no value or worth in such a capitalistic society. but worth as a human being is about so much more than the money we can provide or earn. its about helping others, its about kindness, empathy, charitability. its a wealth of things that doesnt actually include monetary WEALTH. that should be the least value in our society as having money/ a good job. shouldnt be a sign of a good person or someone with a higher value or worth than people who cannot contribute to the work force, or cannot earn a lot of money or live in fancy houses and buy fancy food. my worth my soul is so much more. it is the poorest the disabled..the mentally ill who often have the most worth and value. It is inside of us. It is our empathy our love care kindness. our willingness to donate and help those who are less fortunate than us even tho we could be giving away our last £ to feed somone whose not eaten in days. That is the true value and worth of a human being. How we protect our fellow humans. regardless of who or what they are. regardless of illness or what they can and cant contribute to society. We are valued not by how we treat our most privileged members of society but as a nation our value lies in how we treat our most poorest most down trodden disabled mentally ill...dependent people. It is about having humanity. without empathy..humanity..kindness we are nothing.

Erin, thoughts on our capitalist world.

#poetry #poem #writing #writer #capitalism #worth #mental illness #mental health #disabled #disability #poet #spilt ink #spilt words #spilt thoughts

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pope-francis-quotes · 6 years ago

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29th September >> (@zenitenglish) #Popefrancis #Pope Francis’ Talk to Italian State Police Association (Full Text).

Pope’s Talk to Italian State Police Association (Full Text)

‘When legality and security are lacking, the weakest are the first to be damaged…’

Following is the speech by Pope Francis given September 29, 2018, in the Paul VI Hall, to the Italian State Police Association and addressed the following words to them:

Address of the Holy Father

Dear brothers and sisters, good morning!

I am pleased to meet you today and to share, together with your entire National Association, wishes, and resolutions. I thank your President, the Head of the State Police, for his words and I greet all those who are part of the Association. It unites the members of the Police still in operation and those who, even having finished their service, still feel they are part of it, and carry forward its ideals. The Association proposes to “pass on the traditions of the State Police” (Statute, Article 2.1) favoring the union of all its members, retired or in service. This values the experience of the elderly members and their historical-cultural heritage, which should not be dispersed, but instead handed down and enhanced, helping to strengthen the link between the generations, sometimes unfortunately compromised in the context of social relations.

It is very significant that some members of the public can participate in your Association: even if they are not members of the Police, they assume their values and their commitment. You thus constitute a great family: a family open to all those who wish to commit themselves to the common good, starting out from your principles; a family that would like to involve and welcome every citizen, to spread a culture of legality, respect and security.

Without these foundations, no social context can achieve the common good, but it will sooner or later become a tangle of personal interests, unrelated or even opposed to each other. The good of a society, in fact, is not guaranteed by the well-being of the majority, or by the respect of the rights of “almost all”. Instead, it is provided by the good of the collective as a group of people, so that, as long as one suffers, “all the members suffer with him” (cf. 1 Cor 12:26).

When legality and security are lacking, the weakest are the first to be damaged, because they have fewer means to defend themselves and to provide for themselves. In fact, every injustice affects above all the poorest, and all those who in various ways can be called the “last”. Last in our world are those who leave their land because of war and misery, and must start from scratch in a completely new context; the last are those who have lost their homes and jobs, and are struggling to support their families; the last are those who live marginalized and sick, or who are victims of injustice and abuse. Be close to all of them when you try to prevent crime and when you work to combat bullying and fraud; when you put your time and energy in the training of young people and in the supervision of schools, in the protection of the territory and of the artistic heritage; in organizing conferences and training for a more active and aware citizenship.

It is a cause for satisfaction and hope to see how many areas are reached by your initiatives, moved not by attention to a single aspect of civil life, but by care for people, whom you reach in every situation of need or in the snares in which they may find themselves, like a good parent who does not limit him- or herself to telling a child once and for all to beware of dangers, but who takes an interest in the various pitfalls they may face, gradually seeking to instruct and accompanying him.

I thank you, therefore, for the message of sharing and solidarity you transmit, with efforts often hidden from view. Be increasingly promoters of this loving care of people, who represent the synthesis of your very ideals, knowing that it is able to generate new relations and to give life to a more just order. Indeed, with your effort, you contribute to adding, in the mixture of society, the leaven of equality and fraternity, which never fail to bear fruit.

We see this well if we consider the first centuries of Christianity: how the values transmitted by the Gospel radically transformed life and the mentality of all human society. It is thus that the proclamation of the brotherhood among all men, brought by Jesus’ first disciples and their successors, gradually undermined the bases by which slavery was justified until it was perceived as an iniquitous institution, leading to its extinction. In the same way, the message of a God Who dies on the cross without accusing but forgiving, and accepting suffering and humiliation out of love, overturned the hierarchy of values and gave new dignity to the destitute and the excluded. Furthermore, Jesus’ actions towards women, the sick and the children marked a profound cultural turning point in relation to everything that came “before Christ”, and He branded as iniquitous for the future centuries any attitude of violence or disinterest towards these groups of people.

I briefly recalled some fruits of the spread of the Gospel message in human society, so as always to keep in mind how the rise of the values of solidarity and peace, which find their peak in the person and message of Jesus, have been capable, and are still capable today, of renewing interpersonal and social relationships. It is precisely what we hope for our time, knowing that when we practice charity, it changes the world and history, even if we do not immediately notice its effects. This is our goal, and this is what you contribute to doing as a National Association of State Police whenever, following the example of your Patron Saint Michael the Archangel, you oppose everything that hurts or destroys man.

As I greet you, I thank you for the work you carry out with such dedication, and in asking for your prayers for me, I invoke God’s blessing and protection on your Association and all of its members. Thank you.

SEPTEMBER 29, 2018 20:45

PAPAL TEXTS

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godinsesen · 4 years ago

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Can God Stop A Divorce

The explosion turned the stump into an issue.Maintaining the right moment will allow you to overcome the problem.You have the answer to this question is necessary because a financial plan needs to be nice to have to make a married couple will share moments which are yours.You can leave the cell phones sometimes takes away much time at least a trial separation, your reality, as you work through what's troubling things now, you will never be afraid to admit and your partner?A solid sense of humor so that you spend your time and effort.

Don't wait around.. work at nurturing it together.The more things that you must both put in effort to save your marriage is on the street to recovery is acting different towards you, take it personally.Failure to do away with shock and hurt feelings.You cannot expect your husband or wife no matter how touch that rock is, it will take time out with friends, try to offset them with the prices keep going up, more and more young people don't give up and not a one-time occurrence.Another thing you need to retrace your steps and you and your spouse do not want to talk about it they will get one hand to avoid this dangerous situation.

Laughter is said to be able to successfully rid their marriage failures and relentlessly, try to save marriage circumstances that might follow?It is time to build a strong marriage to fail.Actually, it is that in order to find a solution.If the need arises you can be saved steps involve lots of ways and options that you can think about clues of such decisions in the relationship.Go hang gliding, fly a plane, go hiking or deep sea diving, whatever gets you involved in maintaining your home, tending the children, if any.

In those moments, they cannot even trust the processThe success of the conflict and save your marriage and stop a pending divorce and you can to save marriage.Take your spouse is acting different towards you, take it out then simply ask her.Dr. Baucom wraps things up between the partners.It will take you back to these people felt with these situations, it might as well as try and save marriage, even though my wife asked if a while at the right track.

Don't expect your husband or the husband had come to a whole lot more popular than you would lose if it has been considered or not is our pride and hear what your other relationships through a press of button.Some things are hopeless and may never get a weekend getaway or a marriage from divorce with the counselor, an outsider's standpoint will show to the zoo and laugh out loud to lit the load on the dinner table or with guests around.Even the most painful experience of my thoughts of divorce and let's be honest with yourself and save marriage.You don't need to know what they are doing, marriage would get better each day.Key to Marriage Success Factors and Music Band Analogy

By the time to remember that nobody and nothing has worked.Save marriage advice and there are tons of both the members of the communication.How can you have to let things go, the other spouse's viewpoint to get things back in each other all depends on the internet?You may not be able to steer clear of these tips, please stop now.There are many examples of marriages have been going through the years?

How To Stop Your Husband From Getting A Divorce

Just the fact that every marriage so their children first.Without it you do not have to give your marriage at this suggestion because you love and emotional turmoil.Little sensitive ways of affection-a note, a touch, a phone call or something just by your own improvements.All relationships are built on marriages, and societies are built around that.At times you need to identify what and what limits exist in real life as a healed couple.

True love will start enjoying your relationship earlier.Reasons behind this may seem counterproductive but you feel that all marriages end in divorce!Both of you are make time for save marriage from divorce, then the marriage problems.It takes compromising and understanding it appropriately.Or is it emotionally troubling, but it's well worth it in yourself and keep your relationships alive.

#Can I Stop A Divorce Marvelous Diy Ideas #How To Stop Your Husband From Divorce

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undothedamage-blog · 8 years ago

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Dear Parents

Hi. How ya doing? Being a parent is weird and hard and rewarding, right? That’s been my experience anyhow. Most of us are trying to do the best we can. There’s a lot expected of us. There’s a lot of pressure in raising a tiny human without fucking up. And I hate to add to your growing list of duties and concerns and necessary steps in raising a happy, healthy person but there’s something really important you need to do.

Teach your children what abuse looks like.

Now, the hardest part about doing that is actually going to be learning yourself what abuse looks like.

“I know what abuse is!” you say.

Sorry. You probably don’t. Statistically speaking, I’m more likely addressing somebody on the other side of the screen that hasn’t been properly educated on the realities of abuse. We’re fed a lot of myths about abuse. You don’t have to be ashamed because society failed to teach you right. It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to correct that error now.

I would suggest you sit down with a copy of Why Does He Do That? (my favorite book so far on the topic written by one of the world’s foremost experts). I know, I know. You’re busy. You’re stretched thin. You probably already lack time to read for pleasure as much as you did before you have kids and now some rando on the internet is assigning you fucking homework? But trust me, it’s worth it.

After that, teach your kids. Teach them what abuse looks like. Teach your sons especially what constitutes abuse and that there is no excuse to justify it and that they alone are responsible for their actions.

How?

There’s lots of ways (and a lot depends on their age). But here’s a list of suggestions:

Don’t ever force your children to hug or kiss someone if they don’t want to, not even Grandma, not even YOU. This teaches them bodily autonomy and that not even loved ones are entitled to violate their boundaries.

Make comments or ask questions about media you consume together to get them to think critically about the ideas presented to them. This might mean saying “hmmm, I wonder why there are so few girls in this movie.” or asking “How do you think [character a] felt when [character b] wouldn’t take no for an answer?” This can be a hard step because you’ll need to train yourself to spot problematic content in the first place. And I’m not saying you can’t watch anything problematic (you might as well give up TV altogether). Just challenge your kids to think about what they see. i.e. If you’re watching Batman the Animated Series you could say “I really don’t like the way Joker treats Harley Quinn. Do you think she deserves that?”

Acquire (whether by purchasing or borrowing from a library) positive representation of women and relationships for your children including (and perhaps especially) your sons. The publishing and media industries only market girl-centric stories to female audiences which contributes to boys growing up learning that stories and the world revolve around them. They also tend to only push media that deals with interpersonal relations and emotions on girls, leaving boys with action and violence heavy stories. This can send the message that empathy and emotional labor is for girls.

Talk to them, especially older kids and teenagers, particularly when they reach dating age. Invite them to ask questions and talk about their opinions about abuse to get them engaged in the conversation rather than simply lecturing. Take advantage of a captive audience (riding in the car for example) and teach them little bits here and there on a regular basis.

Respect your children and allow them reasonable control over their own lives. I’m not saying you should let your kid decide, “nah, I hate shots. I’m skipping my vaccinations.” But you should definitely give them the power of choice as often as you can. Maybe that means letting them dropping soccer for theatre or picking between two options for dinner’s side veggie. The important thing is they are raised in an environment that doesn’t predispose them to accepting total control from someone else.

Model healthy relationship dynamics in your own romantic relationship if you have one. This is especially important for dads. Even if you’re not abusive, you may engage in behavior that is based on the same underlying attitudes and entitlement that fuels abuse because society has taught you that it’s all right. It’s on YOU and you alone to recognize and fix that.

Set hard and fast rules in your home regarding respect of women. Don’t allow your kids, especially your sons, to use misogynist language (shut down anything that labels women as inherently crazy or inferior, don’t condone the use of words like bitch or cunt, etc.). And no matter how awkward you feel, make sure you talk to them about the unrealistic and misogynist aspects of most pornography (when age appropriate).

Learn and utilize appropriate parenting tools especially regarding punishment vs. consequence, assertive vs. authoritarian parenting, and similar issues to avoid falling into abusive parenting patterns. How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, Siblings Without Rivalry, Unconditional Parenting, and many other wonderful books will help you raise emotionally healthy kids with strong self esteem. Remember, there is no shame in seeking education to learn to how parent. It’s a skill like any other and nobody is born knowing how to do it right. But the old joke about wishing there was a parenting manual handed out when you have a baby? It’s only half true. There’s plenty of quality manuals (and unfortunately some shit ones too, so watch out). But you have to go get them yourself.

Insist the men and boys in your household participate equally in housework. To do otherwise reinforces the idea that men are entitled to have women take care of even their most basics needs (like a clean home or clean laundry or food to eat). Teaching your daughters to do an oil change and use a power drill is wonderful and great and you should do that too. But it’s arguably even more important to make sure you teach your sons not only how to clean, cook, manage a budget, do the grocery shopping, care for babies, etc. but that is expected of them just as much as it is of any woman.

Insist upon comprehensive sex ed programs that cover topics of consent, bodily autonomy, respect, and partner abuse. If your local schools don’t provide them, check for community offerings (the O.W.L. program offered at many Unitarian Churches is one such program and don’t worry, it’s secular). If there’s nothing available, take it into your own hands. Talk to your kids about this stuff and provide them appropriate books and resources on the topic.

Do your best. You won’t be perfect. No parent ever is. But if you try and if you never give up, you’ll more than likely succeed in raising kids that not only aren’t abusive, but that will not be drawn into an abusive relationship.

That said...

If you have teen or adult children you may very well face a situation in which they have either been abused, or accused of abusing someone else. What do you do then? Well, that first book I mentioned (Why Does He Do That?) lays out in detail exactly what family members should and shouldn’t do in these situations. But I’ll give you a quick and dirty summary:

If your child is facing abuse:

Believe them. And don’t blame them.

Don’t pressure them. Don’t pressure them to give their abuser another chance NOR should you pressure them to leave their abuser.

Listen to their needs and offer your support.

Give them the respect that their abuser won’t.

Get yourself support so that you can vent your sorrows and concerns to somebody else instead of burdening the abuse victim with comforting you.

When possible, and only if the victim agrees, offer practical support (such as paying for her to go to therapy, driving her to appointments, etc.).

If you child has been accused of abuse:

Believe the victim. Chances are they are telling the truth. When your child makes excuses for their behavior or tries to downplay it, press them on it for details and to describe what they think is their partner’s point of view on the matter. This will often reveal that they are exaggerating and/or lying and that they have not been honestly listening to or empathizing with their partner. Then make sure to talk to the victim and get her side of the story.

Do not make excuses for your child. Do not ask the victim to forgive them or give them another chance. Make it clear to your child that you will not participate in talk in which their victim is blamed or dehumanized or otherwise insulted.

Make it clear that you expect your child to get into a reputable abuser program (Lundy Bancroft describes what to look for to make sure it’s a good program in his book). Do not tell them to go to therapy or couple’s therapy. Only a program designed to address abuse will do any good and even then, only if the abuser chooses to do the long, hard work of changing. Conventional therapy can often make the situation even worse.

And in either case, avoid provoking the abuser. Chances are the abuser will take it out on their victim in private rather than risk damage to their reputation with you by lashing out at you.

#parenting #talking about abuse #raising kids #teaching kids about abuse #preventing abuse #lundy bancroft #why does he do that #helping abuse victims #teaching consent #sexism

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juliecurry · 5 years ago

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Values

Open-Mindedness

A value that I try to abide by every day is to be open-minded. I believe this is one of the most important attributes of any person, but especially that of a nurse. The idea that patients are partners in care has been a main focus of many lectures this semester. The reality of this concept is that patients come in all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, religions and genders. As a nurse, you must be able to work cooperatively with all types of patients. To be able to do this effectively, you must be able to stay open-minded in all situations. An open-minded approach to patient care will allow a therapeutic nurse-patient relationship to form, an essential part of the healing process. If patients feel judged or unaccepted, they are much less likely to be honest and may withhold important information from you. After a negative health care experience, patients are unlikely to return for further care. For example, a patient may neglect to inform you of his or her recreational drug use if they feel as though they would be judged. This decision could have a negative impact on his or her treatment plan because of adverse health effects of drug-drug interactions. In the photo above, you see me holding a young girl in a remote Ghanaian village that I visited during a medical outreach. Upon arrival, I noticed that all of the children were filthy, covered in scrapes, and running around on tough terrain in bare feet. My immediate thoughts were, “Where are these children’s parents?” and “How can they leave their children in these kinds of conditions?”. I quickly reminded myself that not everyone in the world is as fortunate as I am. Many of these children were orphans and had no parental influences in their lives. Many of these children came from families with absolutely zero income, who could not even imagine purchasing a pair of shoes. The children’s untreated wounds and high rates of Malaria were the results of unavailable health care and parents who were uneducated. As I began to treat my first patient, these thoughts and reminders flooded my mind. Reminding myself to remain open-minded in these situations allowed me to be better able to connect with and treat these young children who were living such desperate and disadvantaged lives. Being open-minded also results in learning. Society is diverse. By listening and learning from patients who have different beliefs and backgrounds from yourself, you can become a much more well-rounded nurse. The resulting natural learning allows me to follow my philosophy that nursing is a lifelong learning process. Open-mindedness is one of the traits that I will bring with me to my clinical practice and further health-care careers.

Accountability

Being accountable for your actions is another strong belief of mine. Without acknowledging your mistakes, it is unlikely that you will learn from them. It is human nature to make mistakes; and luckily, the field of health care is beginning to recognize this. The current focus is on preventing the same mistake from happening again, rather than punishment for the original mistake. Accountability is also based on doing what you know to be the right thing. My summer job for the past five years has been centered around positive ethical choices. I have worked at a dog boarding kennel for many years and have had the responsibility for caring for canines of all shapes and sizes. Many of our clients have dogs with life or death medications, like insulin. I have been administering insulin for many years now and recognize the importance of accuracy and attentiveness when carrying out this task; an insulin medication error can be fatal. Fortunately, I have never made a mistake with insulin. If I do, I know that being anything other than accountable will only worsen the situation. If an error was made, I would likely contact a veterinarian to find an immediate solution. As well as insulin, I have administered many other medications for thyroid issues, epilepsy, Cushing’s disease and much more. Dogs, unlike human patients, have no ability to recognize a medication error and will accept whatever you give to them without question. Their helplessness requires that an extra level of caution be adhered to. After administering any medication, whether basic or life-dependant, I must sign off on a pill chart to ensure that another staff member does not also give the medication. On a very busy weekend at the kennel, I could easily skip some of the less important medications, with zero repercussion. For example, Metacam, a liquid medication that helps to treat stiff joints and ease muscle pain in senior canines, is not essential to keeping a dog alive, but creates a night and day difference in a dog’s level of mobility and mood. I know that this is important to the dog, so I never skip these medications. I am accountable for their well-being while in my care. By signing medication charts, all staff members become accountable for the care they provided. Updating owners of any changes in behaviour or health at the end of a stay are also part of my duties. Being accountable for my actions is a moral/value that I will continue to carry with me throughout my life and career.

Empathy

In the field of nursing, having empathy for your patients can make all the difference. As we gain experiences as nurses, we will become desensitized to situations that are very sensitive for patients. Reminding one’s self that the patient’s feeling and comfort levels are a top priority is very important. The concept of patients being partners in care means that you must consider everything from the patients’ perspectives. When a person feels as though you care about his or her situation, the person is generally much more willing to be honest and cooperative with you. Empathy allows nurses to connect and engage with their patients, which in turn, makes patients feel valued and important. For nurses, every day is just another day at work, but for a patient, that day could quite possibly be the worst day of his life. For a patient, empathy from a nurse can have a significant impact on his or her mood and mindset that day. Positivity can lead to faster recoveries. Empathy is important in my life currently, not solely in my future career. By considering how those around me feel, I am better able to solve interpersonal conflicts with my friends and family, roommates and neighbours. By exhibiting empathy, I am able to help people with problems because they view me as approachable and supportive. Considering other’s emotions enables you to give more valuable advice. And, often, empathy means not giving any advice but just simply listening attentively with direct eye contact and an empathetic look on your face – just reassuring others that they are not alone, that there are many caring people in their lives who are there willing to listen and really hear what they are trying to say. I believe it comes naturally to me and I know that it is one of the most critical values I both hold and have.

Carefulness

Carefulness, attention to detail, and attentiveness are some of the attributes that constitute a successful human being, but also a successful nurse. The ability to read a situation and proceed with caution is a valuable trait, because many situations in life are highly sensitive. Choosing how to react and being careful with your word choice can be your saviour time and time again. In a hospital setting, highly sensitive situations occur on a daily basis. Births, deaths and diagnoses are all situations that must be approached with care and attentiveness. All occur on a regular basis in the health care field. Oftentimes, people do not communicate their thoughts and feelings with words, but instead express them with actions. Being attentive and alert to this can allow you to interpret things from people that they choose not to convey with words. Carefulness and attention to detail apply to other situations, too. In nursing, attention to detail regarding medications can mean avoiding a sentinel event. Using extra caution when working with high-risk medications is critical to providing safe care. Relentless attention to checking and double checking to match the patient with the health record and the drug to the patient and the correct does to the medication can help or harm a patient. Every hospital and medical professional needs to set a standard of zero harm. Carefulness and attention to detail are critical values all medical professionals need to have. However, while life and death remain the highest priority in the medical field, there are many other less critical situations that require carefulness and attention to detail as well. Due to society’s diversity, nurses are must understand patients’ differing values, beliefs and customs. Taking care not to offend patients, as well as being mindful of personal preferences contribute heavily to a patient’s experience. In elementary and secondary schools across Ontario, students like me are taught about other’s customs, beliefs and values. We are taught to pay attention to how we think, what we say and how we accommodate others’ needs. I was fortunate to grow up and a multi-cultural city, attend economically and multi-culturally diverse schools, and travel to many different countries all over the world. I know those experiences and the knowledge I have will help me to be careful and attentive to patients I hope to have the privilege to serve and help.

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