#i would have skipped a meal
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Why the fuck is it easier to take care of others but not of myself.
#i mean as in#i hsve mu brother visiting and we sre both exhausted after walking all day but somehow i have#found the energy to get up go grocery shopping plan this weeks meals and make a healthy dinner for both of us and#i haven't forgotten anything on the lost even whitout a list#if this was me alone sfter a worl day i would have either shoved a wjole frozen pizza on my mouth or#i would have skipped a meal#im even getting breakfast ready for the bith of us!#me? waking up early in the morning full of energy? impossible
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rambling out loud about the one year timeline of how getting bit by a werewolf affected ark/his body <3
#OC#ark#posting bc u guys seem 2 like this guy#he was p skinny most of his teens/twenties bc he would just. skip meals#not even on purpose he just wouldnt pay attention#hes a lot healthier now :)#also i guess i should tag#gore //#idk if i really have the audience for it here anymore but god i wanna draw some fucked up werewolf infection/tf shit#this isnt nearly as gross as i wanna draw it but it's a little gross#i have thoughts on what the first month of werewolfery would look like and its. nasty. lol#body horror my beloved <3
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Prayer request: please pray for my grandpa. He's having open-heart surgery tomorrow, and he has two other hospital-worthy health issues that they're going to have to figure out how to treat after that. He had a bad fall back in May, and while he was originally doing miraculously well, he stopped taking care of himself as well as he should have in July (right about when he should have been able to start doing more . . .), and that's led to a whole slew of issues.
Specific requests:
That the heart surgery goes well.
That the doctors will have wisdom to figure out how to treat the other issues.
That my grandpa will be receptive to whatever changes he needs to make to ensure these problems don't come back and new problems don't arise, and that he'd find the motivation to not stay in his current mindset (which seems to be that he's avoiding anything that requires effort).
This is a little selfish, but pray that my uncle (who's currently with my grandpa) would be able to stay with him for his recovery instead of making my mom come up again (after she already spent literally all summer taking care of my grandpa after his initial fall).
Thanks in advance.
#really do appreciate your prayers#all this is especially scary and frustrating because my grandpa was *so* healthy before his fall#like. it would have been very reasonable to think he was ten years younger than he was#because he was still very strong and healthy and independent#he ate well. he was at the gym three times a week. he kept up with his house and his shopping and did woodworking and suduko.#and now he keeps skipping meals#and he barely leaves the house#and he has a hard time walking without a walker#it's like he spent so long being told to be careful during initial recovery#that now he's unwilling to do anything that might be a strain even when he could and probably should#and obviously he's going to have to recovery from the surgery#but! the surgery would not be necessary if he had been eating well and moving and stuff at reasonable levels previously!#and I'm not trying to blame him#I'm just. I don't know. It's sad and scary and frustrating.#taleweaver speaks#prayer request
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Me googling "low blood sugar" only to find out that it is NOT common or normal for non-diabetic people to experience. I experience it somewhat frequently.
#last night had a bit of a scare#took too long to realize how hungry I was#started getting really weak and nauseous#and started sweating so badly. I had been fine 10 minutes before#parents had to get me food because I was too weak to get it myself#dad told me that's what happens to him when his blood sugar is low (he's diabetic)#I'm so confused now why is this happening to me#I mean I always knew I don't do well if I go too long without food but I thought everyone was like that#at least to some extent yk?#apparently not though#apparently fantasy book characters don't have supernatural powers that keep them functioning after skipping two meals#help lol#idk what to do#I'm pretty sure I'm not diabetic because I feel like I would have other symptoms?#and I know that diabetic people usually only have low blood sugar when they take too much insulin#and I don't take insulin because I'm not diabetic#so. idk. what should I do#any advice would be appreciated
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"Sorry. It's blood sugar. I missed a meal." Kirk wagged a finger at Bones as he got up. "Shame, shame. Physician, feed thyself. Better still, come on down to the rec room with me. I missed dinner too." McCoy said, "How are you supposed to stay healthy if you keep skipping meals?" Kirk told McCoy that he was a pain, and in nonclinical detail began describing where it was as they went out together.
(Diane Duane - Doctor’s Orders)
#leni reads trek books#a very mckirk book lol#i have issues with kirk skipping meals though because i don't think he would#(especially when everything is calm and he doesn't have anything to do)#in tos he literally ate on the bridge#anyway it makes me want to write a fic where kirk needs to remind mccoy to eat#also a funny thing about this book is that mccoy was like spock is logical and takes good care of himself#and kirk doesn't and that's really funny because like what?#but it was also a jibe at Kirk's weight and yeah... not a fan of that
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i want my dad to be okay. i dont want to lose him
#i'm doing the best i can with what limited amount of stuff i Can do and it makes me feel#utterly helpless not doing more. five dollars would of gotten him#to come bqck to town tonight but my mom#stranded him so he had to walk six miles total to fill in just.. 2 gallons of#fuel for the car that broke down becayse of no gas#he's diabetic too and hasnt eaten much and he tells me he feels#sick. dizzy.#we've both been looking for resources#like food pantries and hopefully will find a shelter#for him tomorrow too because i cant watch him#keep going like this. i cant. he needs help and i'm the#only one he has left nobpdy else is helping him its just#me and it feels so cruel considerign the other shit i have going on#im like. crying right now becsuse i feel so bad#i wqnt him to have a bed to sleep in that isnt just my car seats#i want his stomach to be full too ive only veen skipping meals just yo#make sure he eats and takes his insulin#i wqnt things to be okay for him
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the fundamental difference between my mom and me - one of them anyway - is that she thinks of children like pets and i think of pets like children. she's like awww i want a grandchild so bad why will neither of my kids give me grandchildren and i'm like ma'am you don't want a grandchild. you want to have unrestricted access to a baby. what about when it grows up and it's not little and cute anymore? are you still gonna take care of it when it chews power cords and pees on the furniture? answer: no, because who takes care of her dog? me. i'm like if you want to take care of and cuddle something we have one dog and two cats in this house that rely on us and we have a responsibility to put them ahead of ourselves for as long as they live and she's like yeah but animals smell bad. as if babies don't.
#personal#i have literally skipped meals so the animals could eat and receive vet care. i grieve them when they die. meanwhile she's like#you know in my day when a pet was ill we would let nature take its course. like of course you can love them as they go but VET VISITS???#she grumbles monthly about the cost of medication and grooming. HE'S YOUR DOG (i now pay for the medication and grooming)#on the other hand every time she sees a baby in public she's like wahhhh i want one i wanna play with a baby i wanna cuddle a baby#you're not responsible enough. prove that you can do it for life and then we'll make a trip to the shelter
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#i have to say this somewhere or im gonna go crazy#so at a preschool. you HAVE to have one adult sitting at every table when kids are eating. and you also need a person in the hall#for kids getting their lunchboxes and going to the bathroom and shit ok. are you with me here. this makes sense#so today. my 2 coworkers had already taken the chairs bc i got caught up in the hall but i was so fucking hungry that i just ate standing u#which was fine. like i could just put my lunch down if someone needed my help and i Did that ok it was fine. no one was left alone#but later at SNACKTIME. it took me forever to get these 2 kids in the room and seated ready to eat & by the time i got in some kids were#already finished and ready to go to the playroom. so i was like ok i guess I'm not eating for the latter half of the day because they cant#be left alone. and my 2 coworkers at this point were sitting with the snackers and they looked fine so i looked after the Players#intermittently glancing to the snack tables to make sure everyone was fine mind you#So what happened here was.#There was a 20 second interval between the time i glanced up to see 2 adults at the snack table. And the time i glanced up to see#a completely unsupervised snack table. one kid STANDING UP ON THE TABLE blowing raspberries and pointing at the other kids#could not have been more than 20 or 30 seconds that i wasn't looking and NO ONE TOLD ME they were leaving the room#if i had been WARNED that they were leaving i would have prioritized the snackers and sat with them so no one choked and no one fucking#stood on the table#but they both just left for whatever reason without saying anything#and when i brought it up after school they were just like. well marty you were eating too much during lunch#next time you should eat before coming in to work so you can give the kids your full attention#??????? i already skipped a meal today for that exact reason?? how is it my fault that i don't want to starve?#am i actually in the wrong here because it's driving me FUCKING nuts. that was NOT a safe situation and it obviously can NOT happen again#but the issue was a lapse in communication not me wanting to eat food so i don't actually die#and those were two different times of day so they're not even relevant#obviously there are bigger issues in the world than this but i feel like throwing up over it. this was not my fault#I'm sorry that you guys can survive off of like 1 spoonful of granola and a single acai berry for the entire day but im not built like that
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Manager of the house came in today. He was shouting out what my weight and BMI were so everyone in the house could hear. I asked him not to do that and he said he was sorry and he didn’t realise it would make me uncomfortable.
Afterwards he was in the dining room when me and other residents were on the sofa at the other end of the room. He loudly complained about me being upset by him shouting out about my weight and then continued to shout out my weight and BMI was and also made a lot of really squirm-inducing remarks about my prescribed meal plan in front of everyone.
The staff here had a training session about how to approach eating disorders two weeks after I moved in because when I moved in they literally knew nothing. I really don’t know what they got from it.
#also staff go on and on about dieting skipping meals step counts and demonise my few safe foods and aaarrrgh#I know EDs are complicated but I would have thought it was common sense to maybe not go on about these things to me#or maybe I’m expecting too much#personal#thoughts#oh I kind of want to move#but there is nowhere else in the county and other places will probably be even worse#ed recovery#anorexia recovery#eating disorder recovery#also about my depression the manager said why don’t you just think positively?#thank you I never thought of that#that’s so easy to do#and it transpires that staff have been lying about me#and I don’t think they like me at all#but maybe I’m being irrational#I don’t know#help#sorry I’m exploding in the tags#everything is awful#mental health#supported living
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I’m 5 lbs away from being under 200 lbs for the first time in my adult life, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
#i went to the doctor a year ago because i was worried about my relationship with food#i was constantly hungry. constantly eating. binging multiple times a week.#… and now i have to coax myself to eat most meals. have to schedule in lunch or i’ll skip it.#a n d my last round of bloodwork was worse than it was a year ago#so what the hell am i supposed to do???#also. none of my clothes fit. but i’m still losing weight.#how do i know where i’ll stabilize?? when do i buy new clothes??? what if i start regaining!#i do not have anyone irl i feel comfortable talking about weight with so i#i will put it here i suppose.#i have a lot of feelings and thoughts about all the time i put into building myself up. body positivity.#… and there is still so much satisfaction in seeing the scale going down#and i think i feel guilty about that#i think i also feel incredibly FRUSTRATED that losing weight HASN’T changed my bloodwork#when everyone says being fat is the problem and losing weight is the solution#….. i’m still fat. like SIGNIFICANTLY so.#but why is it getting worse instead of better?#😐#it’s a mess and that’s all i know#and also i would have to lose more than double what i already have just to drop down from ‘obese’ to ‘overweight’#i’d have to loose 100 lbs to be a ‘healthy’ weight#so i just………. don’t know
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Yet another day of getting home from work @ 9pm (we usually close at 6... haha) with the fun little bonus of getting a text from my insurance adjuster telling me that while they do not consider me at fault for the accident, the other two insurance companies do, so I have to contact them with my "evidence" to plead my case. Also no one knows where the fucking police report is.
Yippee!! 👍
#I have to go to the goddamn sheriff's office to beg them for a fucking copy of the report that NO ONE CAN FIND#and send that to all 3 insurance companies........ call the other two insurance companies and... idk. tell them to kill themselves or smth#we're at the point where I'm like. should I just get a lawyer. would it be worth it to hire a lawyer. could a lawyer handle half this for me#cuz it seems like my adjuster is washing her hands of the situation#I'm so goddamn tired haha. like I could cry and it's not really about this situation. I'm just so tired and it never seems to end#I spend 5 hours with a single client. everything hurts. I skip 2 meals bc I don't have time to eat and by the time I get home I don't care#I lie down and the whole day sits on top of my chest and I have to just close my eyes and let sleep take me#and then I wake up and have to do it all again.#the exhaustion is in my bones and nobody can help me
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procrastinated eating dinner and now my roommate has a mysterious guy over, so I'll just starve I guess
#this is the one that's like a serial dater so I'm assuming it's some new romantic interest#so I'm not tryna walk down in my hoodie and reheat pizza yk#twould kill the vibe#but a little Warning would be nice sometimes#too lazy to make it but imagine that ''guess I'll die'' meme but like ''guess I'll starve''#<<dw I'm too hungry by nature to actually skip meals it just might be a while and/or I have snacks in my room
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tfw u show up to the dr appointment and you haven't eaten in like 48 full hours and they ask you about your eating habits and you say you fast pretty often in accident because your stimulant messes up your hunger response
and they just look you up and down clearly not believing you before starting The Weight Loss Conversation™ and get told that fasting will guarantee you weight loss
#God I wish#I've only ever been able to lose weight on extremely low calories#I can lose a bit of weight per week on a sub 800 calorie diet#I can lose weight at the rate expected of most people if I cut it even more#Like if I literally don't eat every other day on sub 800#Neither of those are sustainable#And they usually end up with me binging like the fat person people think I am#I'm currently maintaining my weight#I only drink 0 calorie and 0 sugar#I eat one meal a day at around the 1000 calorie mark#And I eat a snack around 100-200 calories around 3pm because otherwise I get nauseous#But I'm fat still so no one believes me#Man I've been fat my whole life#Parents put me on diets and shit from the time I entered kindergarten#When I was in third grade and only gaining weight they decided this wasn't working#And started making me just skip meals#Until I was 12 or 13 they fed me the same size portions I fed the 5 year olds when I worked at a daycare#I remember learning what kind of foods the kids at school hated at the lunch line#So I would have something to eat at lunch#Or I remember scrounging around for quarters so I could actually buy some food#I remember church having pizza parties and catering events#And overeating to the point of vomiting#Only to clean up and eat more because I didn't know how long it would be#Even as a teenager#Parents would order out getting nice steak meals#And not get me anything when there's nothing even at home to eat#Sometimes they'd eat out and they'd come back with like half a chicken breast and a pile of veggies for me#Most of my childhood I barely thought of the weight aspect#I just knew I was hungry and needed to figure out how to get food#As a teen I started eating like they said because I was ashamed and it still didn't make me lose weight
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I am credibly informed that some otherwise healthy people don’t enjoy eating food and some of them actually forget to eat food for hours or entire days but I just??? can’t??? imagine???
#if I were tempted to skip any meal it would be lunch#because it's always hard to find easy and good to eat lunch foods#I LOVE breakfast and I have to make dinner for my family so skipping those is unthinkable#but even so if I DO skip lunch or leave it too late I get a headache and feel crabby and hollow inside#there's no way I could NOT KNOW that I didn't eat a meal is what I'm saying#also I just plain love food#good food I mean not processed sludge#if you don't want to eat chemicals and cardboard I totally understand that#but REAL food sign me up always
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I keep binging or overeating in general I feel like I can’t stop. This is exactly what led me to gain 25/30 lbs a few years ago I seriously have to stop, I DO NOT wanna live in that body again EVER
#i should probably stop trying to fast/rescrict heavily/skip meals#at the end of the day i would 100% eat less calories anyways if i ate both lunch and dinner without trying to skip one of them#if i binge early in the day and skip lunch and then eat dinner it’s still gonna b like at least 1600 kcals#whereas if i don’t binge and eat both lunch and dinner i would easily stay below 1300#ugh is this so hard to understand? im being hella stupid#it’s just that if i binge one day the next day i feel like i have to skip as many meals as possible and fast as long as possible#cause its like i don’t deserve to eat 2 days in a row does that make sense#disordered eating#compulsive eating#emotional eating#bed#binge eating disorder#food restriction#overeating#tw eating disorders#tw ed#b1nge and st4rve#dieting#fasting#weigh loss#an0rex14#i wanna be sk1nny#ed but not sheeran#calorie restriction#weigh gain
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/2.8.23
#how do I stop skipping meals in moments of tension?#it’s not good. I keep avoiding to eat cause I feel anxious#I don’t feel like eating let alone cooking#having 2 hours calls each day doesn’t help.#tonight I callled and thought it would be all downhill from that moment and drank a milkshake then it only left me more confused#then I had to give a lesson#nothing is good!
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