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cibeeorsomeshit · 9 months ago

Text

teach him your handwriting (ao3)

fluff; established relationship

Blitzø slumped into Stolas’ lounge chair and groaned about paperwork fucking up his life for the eighth time in the past two weeks. Stolas couldn't help but feel like he was missing something.

“Blitzø, darling, do you need help?”

“He finally fucking got it.” Blitzø rolled over and onto Stolas, burying his face into the covered puss that had no right being this soft to lie on. “Moxxie keeps bitching at me to hire someone or get my shit together.”

“I see. And you wish to—hire me?”

“What? No, I can't focus if you're there.” Blitzø groaned immediately and pinched Stolas’ thigh hard enough that it would have bruised if it were anyone but Stolas. “You didn't hear that. I didn't say that.”

“Of course.” Stolas managed to comply before the urge to scoop his lover up and kiss him senselessly overwhelmed him. “How may I help you then?”

“Tell me how you do all those boring admin work. You go through them like drug addicts with a bathtub full of coke.”

“How classy,” Stolas said dryly. “I'm just a faster reader, I suppose”

A beat of silence. Blitzø turned his face so it was no longer smothered between Stolas’ legs and started playing with the fine down feathers on his wrist.

“I can't read very well.”

“I know.”

“Most of the words don't make sense. Moxxie is less of a prissy princess than you but he still came from money. Got all the proper education and all that crap. Our imp circus didn't really — It's not like we're legally required to be educated.”

“Actually, it is a legal requirement for children in entertainment to have 180 days of schooling in a year—”

“No one in hell gave two fucks about legal requirements! We didn't even have safety nets, you think they'll hire a teacher?”

“Well, if you want, I could teach you.”

“You have better things to do than to teach me how to fucking look at words, Stolas.”

“There are rarely things better than spending time with you, Blitzø.”

“…this isn't some weird sexy teacher kink, is it?”

“You think I'm sexy?” Stolas hurriedly pushed down his urge to have every part of Blitzø kissed at least twice, more if Blitzø was in a good mood and let him.

“Fuck you. You know what you look like.”

“I don’t want to overstep.” Stolas pulled Blitzø upright so they faced each other, which was exactly the position Blitzø didn't want to have this conversation in. “I know I can be overwhelming when it comes to things I’m passionate about and it definitely doesn't help that this involves words and you…”

“Ugh, oh my god, don't — you know I don’t think—I just need your he—fuck, I can’t say it. I'm going to be sick.”

Stolas’ smile was all gooey. “Will you satisfy my desire to spend time with you under the pretense of helping you with readings?”

The vaguely nauseated twitches to Blitzø’ mouth smoothed out, along with the rest of his body.

“If that's what you want, you attention whore.” Blitzø half-said, half-purred as he curled up in Stolas’ lap, back spines flared up in pleasure as Stolas’ finger massaged between his horns.

“Thank you for indulging me,” Stolas said, in the most indulgent tone since the beginning of hell, probably.

Spending time with Blitzø in his study or in the kitchen or on the bed pouring over books was what Stolas imagined heaven to be like. They scribbled in the margin of books, Stolas annotating or explaining, while Blitzø took in things in the fascinating way he did. Stolas was enjoying it all way too much to realize his mistakes.

A pile of papers and sticky-notes were dropped onto his desk.

“Ah,” Stolas said, very regal and dignified and not panicking at all. “It seemed I forgot I had some prior engagement I forgot about, but I’m sure you can manage without me. You’ve improved so much, you know—and my library is your to use, so I think I’ll just—”

“Stolas, what the actual fuck.” Blitzø was standing on the desk and towering over Stolas, presumably to assert dominance, even though he did that very well already at ground level.

“To be fair, you told me you don’t read them.”

“Yeah, because I go cross-eyed at your fancy rich people cursive.”

Most of the papers are dented and crumbled because Stolas folded them into little owls or lizards and had them sneak into Blitzø’s office when he was gone. Blitzø always took pictures when he came back and sent them to Stolas, but never indicated that he read them, or even opened them, let alone—

“I didn’t know you kept these.” Stolas said weakly.

Blitzø’s face darkened. “Yeah, well. I have a drawer for them.”

“You do?”

“That’s—fucking hell, that’s not the point! You were just never going to—shit, goddamn it, God fucking damn it!”

Stolas realized Blitzø was genuinely and not simply comically upset, and that made him rather miserable. “I’m sorry,” said Stolas, in a small voice. “I didn’t mean for them to be so upsetting.”

“Well, they are!”

Stolas started to gather all of them and deliberated between the fireplace or some exorbitant spell, maybe he would throw himself into the mix as well. A few blissful moments of oblivion sounded perfect right about now.

But Blitzø snatched all of them back before Stolas could finish and hissed with every part of him, clutching them to his chest with a sort of animalistic protectiveness. Stolas was baffled.

“You’ve been writing me love letters for—for so long and I didn’t even know.” Blitzø bared his fangs. “I thought they were just smut! I made fun of them to people! To you! And you let me!”

“I’m sorry.” Stolas repeated, and stood up when he noticed a shine to Blitzø’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, darling.”

Blitzø bumped his forehead to Stolas’ chest, sunk in, wetting the feathers there. “Why do you let me treat you badly?”

Stolas wrapped his arms around Blitzø tight enough to cut off air. Blitzø forced the words out anyway: “I’ve been trying so hard to make up for the way I was with you before. Now I just keep thinking about how you felt when I fucking…tell you I don’t read them, or that it’s just cluttering up my office, likes they’re garbage. Fuck, Stolas.”

“Please don’t cry, Blitzø. It doesn’t matter now. You’ve been so good to me, don’t you understand?”

“Were you upset? When I said those things?”

“Darling…”

“Were you?”

Resigned, “Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for apologizing.”

Blitzø needed that, to know he was forgiven. He finally wrapped his arms around Stolas. Legs, too. And tail. Sotlas happily sustained all his weight.

“Do you want to take a rain check on our lesson today?” Stolas asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Blitzø mumbled.

“What would you like to do? We can watch a movie, or I can have someone prepare the spa room—”

“I want you to read to me.”

“What?”

Blitzø stuffed all the letters right into Stolas’ face. “Read them to me.”

“W-well, that’s quite embarrassing…”

“And I’ll reply to them.” Blitzø removed his face from Stolas’ chest and glared up at him, made completely non-threatening with the snot dripping down his face and the way his tail caressed Stolas’ back. “Prepare some fucking coffee, sweetheart, because I don’t care if it takes all night. I’m replying to every single fucking one, and I’m going to do it when I’m balls deep inside you too. Make sure it really gets in there until you never forget.”

“O-oh.” The sensitive place between Stolas’ legs tightened and he could probably just hump Blitzø there like that and finish, but he was so desperate for Blitzø to fulfill his promise that through some sort of miracle he controlled himself long enough to get them back to his bedchamber. And all night it took, alright. Blitzø hadn’t got an ounce of regret when he showed up for work the next day completely sleep-deprived.

It was all good though, since a paper owl was waiting for Blitzø in his office.

#helluva boss #stolitz #stolas #blitzø #blitzo #blitz #my writing

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aziraphales-library · 6 months ago

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recently enjoyed this fic!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19407502/chapters/46185148

noticed there's no single dad/parent fic tag, wondering if you got any fave single parent fics out there admin!!!

We do actually have some single dad fics here, and this post is now the second on our #single dads tag, joining our plentiful #kid fic one! These are all fics I remember enjoying and came to mind immediately for including single parents/guardians...

I Hear You're in Need of a Nanny by emptymasks (G)

Aziraphale was trying his best to raise his son on his own, but at a certain point it was difficult to be running the bookshop while also keeping his eyes on Oscar all day. Crowley liked working with children, and children liked him, they’ve just always been drawn to him. A lot of people prefer hiring a female nanny to a male one, and as much as he thinks it’s a little ridiculous, it works out fine for him. He was happy to identify and present as female and tap into his maternal instincts. He’d been wanting to take a job closer to his apartment, but there’s not that many people wanting to hire a nanny in Soho; then he comes across a job advertisement in the local newspaper posted by a Mr. A. Z. Princer. When he meets Oscar, he finds a little girl tired of being told by the world that she's a boy. Single Parent! Aziraphale & Nanny! Crowley, Human AU

Give me a title, I'll give you my heart by NohaIjiachi (T)

Crowley blinked, and the man blinked back. The man currently holding a slipping, squirming Dog, a drenched, light blue shirt sticking to his chest and soft middle, and silver-y blond curls dripping all over the place above a pair of the most steely-azure eyes Crowley had ever seen. Dog seemed to recognize him, because he stopped squirming and started wagging his tail, that went thump-thump-thump against the increasingly flustered looking man’s upper arm. “Hey, Mr. Crowley!” Adam greeted cheerily, popping from behind the man and leaning against the door frame with a cheeky hand-wave. “We were just giving Dog a bath. What’s up?” “Ngk,” Crowley replied, his brain currently in the clutches of what Crowley intimately called his ‘Useless-Pan-lizard-brain’.

A Journey Into The Unknown (Which Shall Lead Us Ever Closer To Home) by BlackUnicorn (NR)

Anthony J. ‘just call me Crowley’ Crowley is…content – his little queer café in the heart of Soho, his son, his best friend, his snake. Aziraphale is…existing – day in, day out, in the same job, with the same people, and the same half-forgotten dreams. Going through the motions. Never would their paths have crossed if not for a boy, a teenager, really, running away to the city in search of something better. That’s how it starts, anyway…

Fledging by FeralTuxedo (M)

Cool Dad was at the school gate again. Clambering out of his ridiculous sports car like a great big spider, all black denim and designer sunglasses. What a prat. He made his way towards the entrance, followed by his equally lanky son. All the mums' eyes were on him. Which was fine. At least they weren't staring at Aziraphale for a change. Cool Dad high-fived his son goodbye, because of course he did, then sauntered back to his car. Making it look so bloody easy. Aziraphale Fell is much too young to be looking after eleven-year old Pepper. He barely has his life together as it is, with his minimum-wage job and a half-baked dream of trading rare books for a living. And as if adopting a recently bereaved pre-teen isn’t enough, there are some rather more adult problems to navigate: playground politics, the shadows of his own childhood, and the growing question of how Crowley, the only other dad at the school gate, feels about him. A human AU/kid fic.

It never hurts to keep looking for sunshine by Dervila, elf_on_the_shelf (E)

After Adam's parents die in a car crash, Aziraphale is forced to start taking care of him as more than just an uncle. Don't get him wrong, he loves the little devil, it's just that he is completely clueless and could rather use some help. In comes Crowley, Adam's new nursery school teacher with his amazing skills in dealing with kids. Could he be the answer to all of Aziraphale's prayers - Adam-related and otherwise? Well, it looks like he might be just that, judging by the weird things Aziraphale's heart seems to be doing whenever he sets eyes on the man. Now, if only the tall ginger returned his feelings...

Barriers, and the Breaking Thereof by Cardinal_Daughter (M)

Ezra Fell has long been comfortable in his loneliness. He’s content to simply run the Soho Public Library and otherwise keep to himself. However, when a handsome stranger bursts in one evening with a baby, frantic and in need of help, Ezra finds those carefully constructed barriers he’s long maintained begin to crack. Perhaps it’s time to let them fall.

It Was Always You by mltrefry (T)

A chance encounter during one of the worst times of Ezra Fell’s life reunites him with his once best friend and the one who got away. Though, that would imply he ever had him in the first place. Anthony Crowley and his son, Warlock, relocate to the quieter city of Tadfield from that of London. In the process, manages to find again that one person who always made him feel less alone, the one person he was pretty sure he was never going to speak to again. But the road to true love never did run smooth (something that’s been true from their very beginning). Despite the easy way they fall back into each other, their lives don't seem to follow suit, and if it's not one challenge its another. But despite everything they find themselves facing down, the ten years without each other taught them one thing: they’re better together than they are apart.

And because I know someone else will mention it if I don't...

What We Make of It (Shotgun Wedding) by charlottemadison (E)

The important thing, Crowley tells himself -- the most important thing -- is Adam, his brilliant, creative, empathetic nephew. Being fourteen's hard enough; the kid didn't ask to deal with the weight of the world on top of it. And if taking care of Adam means Crowley has to tough it out at a job he can’t stand, so be it. And if Crowley's job means that Adam’s charming English teacher is NOT a romantic possibility, well, that's just how things go. But the occasional drink with Aziraphale proves hard to resist. They frequent the same pub, so who can object to them saying hello? Briefly sharing a table? Perhaps a little conversation? The painful knowledge that it can’t be anything more -- not without somebody getting fired or sued or both -- well, that can't be helped. Until Crowley stumbles onto a terribly reckless idea...

And the one you mentioned...

Safe Haven by McRaider (T)

When Anthony Crowley stepped back into Aziraphale's life for the first time after eight long years missing, it became exceedingly clear with him came a world of trouble and heartache. But Aziraphale never could say no to his beloved Crowley. Can he help Crowley heal after a failed marriage, a gas-lighting ex-wife with an evil plan?

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #kid fic #single dads #human au #mod d

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wenevergotusedtoegypt · 3 months ago

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Well. I'm back on the job market as of 1 week before what was supposed to be my first day.

This whole experience has just been so freaking weird from start to finish. At first it felt like complete and total hashgacha pratis. I wasn't even seriously looking for anything because it was during the time 5yo didn't have a para yet and I couldn't so much as commit to an interview. And the job title wasn't even something I would normally have clicked on. But I clicked on it solely due the organization it was for and discovered that the job title seemed to have been poorly chosen because the actual work was mostly in my actual area of expertise. And then I applied and they offered me an interview a week from the date of offer. I had absolutely no idea if I could actually commit to that interview because I had no idea when 5yo would have a para, but I did anyway, and his para ended up starting the day before the interview. Besides the job title, the other reason I wouldn't normally have applied for the job was that it wasn't full time, but extremely uncharacteristically, I somehow missed that fact and found out during the interview (mortifying but apparently other applicants were significantly worse all around). And then it was just like, this is so clearly HP, maybe it does make sense to start mornings later (and not need to find a morning sitter, which has proved near-impossible in the past) and have Friday off, technically we can afford this even though the salary cut would be a blow to my ego and it would've been nice to have more money. Fine. I'm doing it.

That was 2.5 months ago. I only had the one interview because it was a very small organization but the whole hiring process was super schlepped out. Over time I started realizing that the two people I'd be working under were regularly not on the same page as each other to an egregious extent. Person A told me that Pesach is the slowest time of year, to the point where I probably wouldn't need to take any formal time off to prep. Person B then told me that actually, most years, that's the busiest time of year. I also was told about 4 different versions of what the position entailed, ranging from it being primarily my area of expertise, to a 50/50 split between my expertise and admin, to 100% admin for the first few months and then transitioning to my expertise, to admin-dominant for at least the next few years.

I really probably should have pulled out sooner - they also didn't offer health insurance and were paying me less than I was worth even considering the reduction of hours - but again, so much of it felt like such obvious hashgacha pratis, I was frustrated but didn't really seriously reconsider accepting despite the downsides and the fact that clearly these people were a bit of a mess.

But the turning point was when I received the contract and realized I'd forgotten to discuss PTO. They were only offering me half the vacation days I had at my old job, a number lower than I'd almost ever seen in other job ads recently, and had a stipulation that no vacation could be used until after 6 months, which I have never seen in my field in 2024. I politely wrote back requesting more vacation days and explaining why I was making this request (to partially balance out the blow that was the reduction in pay from what I'd expected to make and lack of health insurance, which was 80% covered at my old job). I also asked to have the 6-month requirement waived.

Person A wrote back almost immediately saying yes, of course, no problem! We'll send a new contract. But then 3 days later I got what came across as a fairly stern email explaining that actually they could not give me additional PTO, though we could revisit that in a year, and that in fact, they were being extremely generous considering the total number of days off I had per year, which they enumerated.....and apparently, the Fridays that I was not going to be paid to work, which were already accounted for and then some by the lower salary, and which could not be used at will or in a row by definition, were supposed to balance out the lower PTO?? It was really ridiculous logic, but I was still kind of in this zen "this is all so clearly hashgacha pratis" zone, so I wrote back that I could accept the lower number of vacation days for now. They had also said we could have a Zoom meeting to make sure we were all on the same page, which seemed unnecessary to me at that point and I said so, but told them if there was something they felt still needed to be discussed I had availability at X times.

I expected this meeting to be just them reiterating that they can't give me more vacation days but we can revisit it in a year, and me being like yes ok.

That was not what it was.

It was a confrontation, in which they both backed me into the proverbial corner and declared that they were "taken aback" by the "tone" of the email in which I had tried to negotiate more vacation time.

Now. In the past, I have gotten professional feedback that I need to be more flowery with my emails because people who don't know me as well can take my matter-of-fact style as blunt/rude, even when there's nothing objectively rude about what I wrote and people who do know me wouldn't read it that way at all. But. BUT. I wrote and rewrote and edited and reedited the crap out of that email to make it nice. It was literally. just. a normal benefits negotiation email that a normal new hire should be considered perfectly justified in sending. And I graciously accepted their denial. But there I was, being forced to defend a very normal request? Asked in a very normal way?

And it was like they were taking personal offense to the fact that we had gotten to this stage and I wasn't satisfied enough with what was on the table. Person B especially. She zoomed in on specific phrases and demanded that I explain them, like why I'd said I could move forward "for now" with the number of vacation days. Because. You guys. Literally told me we will revisit the issue in a year??? And I was just acknowledging that reality??? Person B asked if I would be satisfied if nothing changed in a year, declaring that there was no way that I would get more vacation days at that point, because Person A is [fancy title] and has been there for 3 years and also only has that many days. Which. One, I notice that she didn't mention that she herself, also with a fancy title, and who has been there significantly longer, only has that many days. HUH. Two, why the f would you (you being Person A though) offer to revisit it in a year if there is no way it's going to change, and get mad at me for the crime of taking you seriously? And three, that sounds like a Person A problem? Because she is the [fancy title] and she could've negotiated more for herself upon hire and she didn't. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to try.

Anyway, the whole experience was deeply unpleasant, and so out of left field that all I could think to do in the moment was to try to make nice, avoid burning any bridges, and process what the heck just happened afterwards. At the end of the meeting, Person B said, "Ok, the two of us are going to talk and we'll get back to you." I was floored, because what was there even to get back to me about? They wanted me to explain and defend my attempt to negotiate in all its minutiae, I had done so, and it's not like the benefits themselves were up for discussion. I told her I was confused, what were they going to get back to me about, were they reconsidering the offer of employment? Person A jumped in all, "Oh no, of course not, I think we're all good! Everything is good!" but Person B did not elaborate or concur.

I like 75% expected they were going to revoke the offer, and kind of almost hoped that they would so that I wouldn't have to make my own decision about what to make of that absolute narishkeit. But not long afterwards I received an updated offer letter waiving the 6 month requirement and that was it.

At that point I decided that I would give them 2-3 months to see if they could exceed the now very, very low bar of my expectations, and if not, begin job searching in earnest again. But I was absolutely dreading my start date.

And then came yesterday, 1 week before my first day. Now, as background, I had been told that I would normally be expected to work in person twice a week, and only very occasionally 3 days when needed. I had asked them which 2 days I should expect to come in so that I could arrange a babysitter accordingly, and they had told me that I could choose according to my needs, and just let them know. I told them Tuesday and Wednesday. They said ok. They asked whether Monday or Thursday would be preferable for the occasional 3rd day, and I said Thursday. I hired a babysitter whose hours were calculated according to the assumption that I would be commuting on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

So I get this email yesterday morning. Informing me not to come into the office Tuesday and Wednesday next week, but rather only Thursday, with no acknowledgement whatsoever that this was counter to the arrangements we had discussed and no explanation as to why it couldn't be one of my regular days. I know why, though - it's because these 2 people work with each other to arrange which days they want to be in the office each week, and I realized then that I was never going to be part of that discussion, just expected to follow their whims, despite what we had discussed before. They were not seeing me as equally worthy of consideration.

Oh, and the other part. They also informed me that in my 2nd week of work, there was an event on Wednesday starting at 5pm that they expected me to work. This event would be at a location significantly further from where I live than the office is and they apparently didn't consider it relevant to tell me until what time I would be expected to stay just yet (so, like, thanks for the heads up but how am I supposed to make arrangements, exactly?). My husband does not get home til 8:30-9 on Wednesday nights and has no flexibility to leave early, and they theoretically knew this from previous discussions. They also knew that I have little kids. But for some reason, even though I'd had the basic job offer for about 2 months prior to the event, and even though this event had definitely been planned well in advance, they didn't feel a need to let me know that they'd require me to work a weekday evening event specifically on a day of the week that it would be incredibly difficult for me to work in the evening.

Now, in a normal freaking workplace, I would simply bring up these scheduling concerns. What a thought! But these people could not handle standard benefits negotiations because any hint that I wasn't fully satisfied with current arrangements was personally offensive. So. You know.

The entire advantage of accepting a less-than-full-time job was supposed to be that I would have to worry about childcare less. But it was at this point patently obvious that these people would think absolutely nothing of making my schedule completely unpredictable on a regular basis and also would not be remotely open to pushback about it. I couldn't just put my head down and give it 2-3 months and then look for something else because I would constantly be stressing out trying to sort childcare. Which should have been the one single solitary non-problem in this position!

So I let them know that it doesn't seem like this is going to be a good fit and I regretfully have to withdraw my acceptance - I am receiving too much conflicting information about, well, literally everything, and it seems like they need someone who is able to offer a level of flexibility in their schedule that I simply do not have at this stage in my life.

I'm sure they are royally pissed and telling themselves the fairytale that they tried so hard to accommodate me and make me happy and I totally misled them about being satisfied with their offer and then screwed them over at the last minute. That's not what happened - despite everything, I was gung-ho until that unbelievably disturbing meeting - but that's the narrative they'll be bouncing off each other to avoid admitting that they totally botched a good hire.

It's been 27 hours since my "resignation" email and they haven't bothered to reply. Really regretting missing out on a workplace that is such a paragon of professionalism! 🙄🙄🙄

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fuck-customers · 11 months ago

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Holy shit, today was wild.

So after our previous general manager left, O came in as a temporary replacement. I’m not sure if he’s staying on as permanent at this point or what; idk if anyone knows. For some reason, not all of his managerial privileges (idk if that’s the right word) are working in the system. So like he can’t make schedules and whatever other stuff it is that managers do (I’m just a cashier I have no clue). S, the highest up assistant manager (idk if that’s actually a thing but there’s always been one at our store), decides to do O a favor and make the schedules until things get sorted out. O’s been here around two months, with S still doing the schedule and other duties that O should be doing all the while—with O being paid the general manager’s wages and S getting paid his regular wages—and like at this point idk if O just has decided he’s fine with having S do the heavy lifting or if our company is just having some wild issue that can’t get this system error with his account fixed.

Our last person who worked print on weekends left, leaving us scrambling on the weekends. Finally, we get a new guy who’s gonna take the weekends. Store opens, and the guy doesn’t show up (apparently he misremembered/misread his schedule and ended up coming in an hour or two late). So I’m at the register, assistant manager K is at shipping, and S is at print. All S and K know how to do with print is give people stuff they’ve already ordered, and I know jack and shit about print so I’m staying over in my corner. A woman comes in, and she got her order yesterday, but it’s the wrong size. She’s upset and is on a deadline and needs the right size ASAP. S says he can give her a refund and transfer her order to a nearby store, and we’re all apologizing coz yeah that’s definitely a rough situation.

Idk exactly what happens next, but more customers start coming in and going towards print after a while, with that first woman still there. S is getting overwhelmed, so he calls O and asks for his advice. O tells him that this is all his fault, and that it’s his responsibility to make the schedules and make sure that there is someone at every station. So S just leaves the print station, tells us he’s done for the day, and goes into the manager’s office (which is basically his office at this point because—as we’ve established—he’s doing everything O should be doing), leaving K and I kinda freaking out as we try to figure out what to do. At one point K even goes into the office and starts arguing and yelling at S (K’s super chill and I’ve never heard him yell before).

Eventually S cools off. Between O and that first customer (who I heard another customer refer to as “the devil” on her way out when talking to her husband), he just couldn’t put up with all that shit. S is a very calm and nice guy. When I found out there’d been an error on my part that meant I’d been getting paid for my lunch breaks for a YEAR (this was between the previous GM leaving and O arriving), S told me that it was okay because I’m worth it and now I know what happened I can make sure it won’t happen again.

I’m good friends with another assistant manager, and she received a text from O that we think was meant for S saying that he’s a leader and needs to learn to take responsibility and own up and whatnot. To top it all off, my friend also shows me a text O sent in the manager group chat:

“To be an effective leader, you have to be a really good listener and not to what's being said, but to what's not being said. You have to be really observant. That was a big transition for me.” — Kobe Bryant

S is still working here, but any GM duties are now O’s problem. He’s done with doing him favors.

Posted by admin Rodney.

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not-poignant · 9 months ago

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hi pia i just wanted to respond to what you said in your tags about the burnout w chronic illness. and i dont mean to condescend or blame but i think your burnout came about because you are an absolute beast of a writer!!!!! the amount of words you were pushing out consistently had me wondering what kind of spell you must’ve been on. (in a good way, except it turned out to be harming you) you worked really really hard for a long time, i think harder than many healthy people even (my chronic illness could never). i know you also enjoyed writing (we enjoyed it too!), but that workload honestly never looked sustainable. the astounding part is not that you burned out, but that you managed to push for so long, despite your handicaps and hardships. want to be careful not to sound like im praising/blaming you. but you’re really just build different than a lot of folks. i hope you had time to recharge so far and keep taking it easy. i do miss your updates but i can assure you im fine waiting, as are your other readers! its really okay! get better soon 💐🐀💓

Hi anon,

This is very kind of you to say, but tbh, I don't think many people know how much some writers can, well, write.

I might seem like an over-achiever, but there are writers out there who easily write around 6000-10000 words per day, and release a book per month. I have met successful authors who aim for 150k or 200k at NaNo, because 50,000 words is 5 days of work to them.

It's hard for me to comprehend, because I know I can't do that. But likewise, I think many folks don't realise that I actually used to write a lot more than I do now!! For some years it was normal for me to write 50-80,000 words every single month. NaNo was a joke. That caused burnout, and so I adjusted down to a 25,000 minimum monthly wordcount which sometimes felt so easy that it was absurd. I now have a maximum which I have to adhere to per month (50k), because it's too easy to go past it.

For me, writing is relatively easy. It's still work, yes. I still need to put time into it. But I don't need to put in the same amount of time as someone who hasn't done it for thousands and thousands of hours. I don't need to put in the same amount of time as someone who can only touch type at 80 wpm, when I touch type at 120-150 wpm.

The amount of stories is an issue, and the number of chapter updates is an issue, but the actual output re: words themselves really isn't. In fact I've written more words this month than I did last month already, and will very likely hit my monthly minimum with the next chapter.

The things that contributed to my burnout are multifaceted. Getting a puppy. A death in the family. Not having access to the mental health drugs I need to function for a long period of time. Friendship disintegration. These things can cause burnout in anyone, even if they are working very sustainably, because they all require separate labour on top of the labour that someone is doing for their job.

When I come back from hiatus, I will not be writing less. I don't believe the wordcount is the issue and haven't for a long time. I will be scheduling out less chapters, because admin is overwhelming to me. If you told me that my job wasn't writing anymore, but I had to schedule + figure out when to post twice as many chapters, I'd fail, lmao.

So I will be addressing admin stuff! But the amount of words I was pushing out, anon, was completely sustainable, and in fact a highly reduced number compared to what I was pushing out 6/7 years ago. Anon, I have been pushing out this many words or more for 5 years without stopping until now. It's felt comfortable. It's been so much less than what I used to make myself write.

So yeah, again, it can be hard for people who don't do this professionally to imagine writing at this level. And all professionals are different. I couldn't write 150k for NaNoWriMo, but the people writing 100k a month find that extremely easy to do. How I feel about their output - that it's impossible (because it is for me) is not how they feel about their output. For them writing 50k a month to make it easy might be extremely laughable to them, like, 5 days of work and then they get 25 days off. That's sometimes how I've felt about 25k (though it's more like 10 days of work to me - which is great, because I have chronic illness lol, so I need a lot of rest days and periods).

The amount of words I was pushing out consistently will be the amount I go back to because that is truly the most sustainable part of my job. I don't expect folks who haven't plugged in as many hours into writing, and who haven't written millions of words to understand, but the fact is the more you do something, the faster you get at it. The more practice you have, the more competent you become.

That was actually how I knew the burnout was so bad, because the easiest part of my job - the words + the writing - was impossible last month, and I only ended up with 14k for the first time in 5 years, and had to make a call.

The reason the hiatus is so frustrating is that so much of it is being caused by external factors, and not actually the job itself. Like yes, I am working on too many stories, and I can address that, but I was actually doing much higher wordcounts when I was working on less stories.

It's all the extra stuff that becomes very overwhelming! But I'll get there anon, and my wordcounts aren't going anywhere.

#asks and answers #pia on writing #no one else can decide what is causing my burnout except for me and my therapists #and someone else being like 'i couldn't imagine writing your wordcounts so it must be that' is like #it's kind of you to want to problem solve it anon but that is not the problem #those word counts are actually the *solution* to #a different kind of burnout i had 5-7 years ago lmao #if a person cooks dinner every night all their life #and then has 20 other things in their life go wrong #so they can't cook dinner anymore #the thing they need to permanently stop is not cooking dinner #it's the 20 other things #aslkfjsda that's where i'm at #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

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ozonelasher · 10 months ago

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GET TO KNOW YOUR ADMIN !!

(i don't actually have a mun fc so you're getting shiny azumarill because. i like it :3)

name — Ana!

pronouns — she/her primarily but they/them is fine too

preferred comms — tumblr IMs are preferred for OOC talk/plotting, & my discord is open to mutuals if they'd like :3

name of muse — Kaki

experience in RP — honestly i've been rping since i was probably too young to rp on the internet 💀 i started on deviantart (which like. oops but also i was like 9) and then started rping on tumblr likeee ~2015 or so. i actually first started writing Kaki on tumblr in like 2016, and then kinda started writing on twitter in 2019 when the RPC on here started to wane from its peak. i came back very recently because i got tired of the limitations of writing on twitter

best experiences — as of recent, i've had a few really really fun crossover threads on twitter that will stay with me forever atp. one was a real slowburn romance plot with a spike spiegel, and another was of isekai plot with desmond miles from assassin's creed that ended up being really fun and sweet. i also have a really cute ship going with a friend's DB OC on twitter, too. oh kaki and her tendency to adopt men two heads taller than her ❤️

pet peeves/dealbreakers — trying to force OOC scenarios/behaviors onto kaki or otherwise just making it clear you don't respect her character outside of writing will really sour me in terms of trying for future interactions. i doubt this will happen here as it's mostly a problem i've had on twitter but JUST IN CASE!!! i'm mostly talking stuff like, oversexualizing her because she has muscles ("step on me, m*mmy" & such comments are a HUGE no-no), assuming she's overly aggressive/belligerent, or on the flip-side, babying her like she's a cutesy helpless waif. she is a 30+ year old woman with thoughts and feelings and i would like her autonomy to be respected.

muse preference ( fluff, angst, smut ) — HONESTLY i'm down with anything as long as it's interesting. on my own i tend to write adventure-drama type plots (the dbz fic i'm working on is just a space opera tbh) with a splash of horror of some flavor, usually with anti-capitalist/fascist/imperialist messaging. i think the one thing i should mention is that i do really enjoy when there's a conflict or overarching storyline happening in longer plotted threads; it just keeps me more engaged.

plot or memes — both are good and work tbh. memes can be good for breaking the ice or actually figuring out a dynamic in practice, but if we want to go for something more in-depth, i do prefer some plotting (even if it's just planning points A and B and then just improvising how our muses get there)

long or short replies — quality > quantity. even if your response is like 3 sentences or less, if it moves things along, it's fine with me (:

best time to write — i tend to write more at night or on the weekends. really just when i'm not dead tired 😭but also if i really get into the plot of a thread, i'll get kinda hyperfixated on it and respond in like 3 seconds. my fault

are you like your muse? — In a lot of ways, yeah. Kaki is an OC i've been developing for like at least a decade now, and a lot of her experiences are drawn from things I personally have experienced (albeit, greatly exaggerated lmao), and the kind of character she's become is a projection of my beliefs and how I feel about the current state of the world. Writing her is a bit of a catharsis for me, really.

TAGGED — @pzfr

TAGGING — feel free to do it if you'd like :3

#ooc.#meme response.#yay yippee yahoo!! this was fun to do!

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fizzingwizard · 11 months ago

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work n stuff

This was crunch week at work before graduation. I usually stay late to do stuff, but boy, did I stay late this year haha.

First off we have one teacher who's had to leave for the rest of the term for very valid personal reasons. On top of that, one of her coteachers is being sent to another campus for half or all of every day for reasons I don't actually know. So in her class it's kind of just her third co-teacher. But fortunately the company had time to anticipate for that and they put a leader in her class to train some new teachers while helping the class. So things aren't normal for them but they're stable.

For me things were normal until Wednesday when my coteacher called in sick. My other coteacher was also noticeably sick though she came to work. I was sick last week, and took Monday off. The rest of the week I felt so crappy, mainly just full body exhaustion which is rough when you're on your feet with demanding little ones nipping at your ankles all day. Fortunately I've been fine since Sunday.

On Thurs the same coteacher was still too sick to come in, and my other coteacher ended up going home around noon. Then another teacher went home at the same time because her daughter had a fever. There were also some part-time subs calling out during these days as well. So we were suddenly extremely short-staffed.

Thursday was the worst because no one had anticipated so many teachers being out, especially with my class, and all the help had already gone to other classes. The teacher whose daughter got sick had to leave her class with one coteacher and a sub. Until noon, I had my sick coteacher and a rotating round of subs coming from our other school. They have their own job at their campus and can only stay for an hour at a time and honestly are not helpful. They're good people and teachers, but they don't know our kids or our routine and they're used to older children. I hate getting them for subs except when they were former teachers at our school first.

After co-teacher went home, I had the rotating subs, and... a secret third person! no really. No one knew who was supposed to cover for my co-teacher. It was the admin assistant for a while, until she suddenly said "A visitor is here, I need to go." She would be coming back so I said okay and we would just power through what time she was gone for.

But like five min after that the rotating sub said "I'm supposed to be back at my campus now" and no one had come to cover for her?? The admin assistant was with a visitor, and the manager was also with a visitor! There was no one even to talk to and I had my ENTIRE class in the hallway basically by myself. I couldn't tell this sub she could leave because it would leave me alone with all these two and three year olds IN THE BATHROOM. I don't even have Nanny iPad to help bah.

So I called for the visiting leader, who ran out to help. Then another class teacher said "Oh, so and so from my class is supposed to help you now, and I was going to send her, but no one came to cover in my class for her." So while I was dealing with my own kids, the leader, the manager, and that class teacher were standing in a circle in the hall talking for what felt like forever about what to do. That was one of the most stressful ten minutes I've ever spent at this school x'D or probably anywhere tbh! I have "the difficult class" this year and they're hard enough to manage with all three of us regular teachers there and healthy. Now it was just me!

Finally something got decided and you know what I don't even remember what it was in the end. The point is we survived the day somehow. It was really nuts. Really nuts. The leader though now knew my situation and she kept checking in and helped with lunch clean up and putting out the futons for nap time.

Her being there was a good thing for me, because she kind of validated my feelings about these crazy times. She even went to the manager and asked her to figure out what would be done in the event both of my coworkers were out sick on Friday too and to tell me ahead of time so I could have some idea and not just be surprised by it. To some extent that's not possible because people call in sick in the morning of the day they'll be out. But when you can plan in advance, you should, I think was the message, which is one I really agree with. It seemed to make the manager think about me a little. I had to stay even later than I'd planned, because since my coworkers were gone, I was the only one there to organize all the kids' belongings that they need to take home after graduation, which is a big job: they have a lot of stuff. The manager came in at one point and helped me sort some crafts.

Then, on Friday, both my coworkers did call in sick, so I was on my own again. The teacher with the sick daughter was also still out, and of course the other two teachers mentioned in the first paragraph were still gone. Being so understaffed, I thought for sure I'd lost prep time in the morning to cover their shifts. But I didn't, and I found out it was because the manager did it instead. I think that this was probably due to how crazy a week I'd had especially Thursday, and looking at a crazy Friday too... She took pity on me xP

Friday was easier even without both coteachers because I had finished almost all of the graduation-related stuff, and my two subs were people who are used to our school and know our kids. It wasn't the same but it was much smoother. (Also Thursday was a school event day so it was a little extra craziness on top of all the rest.) I am disappointed that I haven't been able to enjoy my last days with my kids. Normally I'd take it easy and just do fun stuff with them. But I have too much work to do so I'm constantly doing things instead of playing with the kids. I gave everyone hugs and did my best anyhow.

Grad prep this year was especially difficult because the whole staff changed this year except me and two other people, one of whom was one of the teachers out sick, so it was just the two of us actually plus the manager. No one else was familiar with how to wrap up the year. There was a bit of confusion but I am lucky that everyone I work with is a hard worker and helpful to others, so it seems we got everything done. Not as wonderfully as we'd have liked but good enough. I still have some work to do next week but then I have a little break before starting to prep for next year.

In sum, while this week was kind of a nightmare, I'm lucky that I felt really healthy during it so I didn't struggle as much to pick up the slack. And I'm grateful the leader was visiting and validated my stressed out feelings. I'm kind of proud of myself too because I got three teachers' work done with only a few mistakes (still make a few though ;_;) and I did my best to help other classes too, because mine was obviously not the only one shortstaffed and rushing around all week hahaha.

Fell asleep as soon as I got home every night. Now I just wanna veg and play games this weekend. Gotta do some cleaning too though. Cheers to the new term... lol

#work

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cynicaldesire · 11 months ago

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Had a bit of a hard week.

So, at my job, I'm a tutor for the programming department. I got my Associate's in 2014 but I haven't had to keep up with programming ever since. Which ended up being fine because the only people seeking tutoring were in the intro to programming class that doesn't (shouldn't) use a real coding language. It's just all the concepts and stuff.

My boss asked me to screen record myself doing the assignments in the end-level course for his preferred language and I've been putting it off because I have no clue where to start. I haven't used this language in 10 years, and they're doing stuff I don't remember ever actually doing/working with. So I've been trying to figure out how to study it between everything else.

Everything else is all the bookings I have to tutoring sessions. I have removed availability for half of one of the 3 days that I work and the other half is completely full most of the time. This is on top of getting almost fully booked on the full days that I work. I'm busy and despite getting a second tutor in the form of a Federal Work Study student, people are still coming to me.

This is on top of all the other odds and ends I do around the office, helping people find classrooms, directing them to tutors, helping the admin assistant with things from time to time (personal and professional), helping coworkers with stuff, and even being one of two admins of the booking system itself (which comes with its own set of responsibilities).

And, you know, being a full-time student.

So I keep thinking I have time to work on the stuff that my boss is asking me to do, but when I do, I usually default to working on my homework for my learn!school instead. So my boss keeps asking WHERE ARE MY VIDEOS and I have to tell him, dude I'm busy and I'm not about to work on this at home. (I'm not supposed to work from home or whatever.)

Then my husband came to visit for Spring Break (his, not mine), and I was gonna work on my boss's homework. But then my husband bought a new game to play (FF7 Rebirth) and I had to watch it. Then I had a flat tire and the other car I had access to had a faulty electrical system so I couldn't go to work. So I went to work only 1 day that week. (I took off the day my husband came into town.)

I went back and I was SWAMPED with people talking to me, asking questions, booking me for tutoring sessions. It was BONKERS how busy I was. Then my husband left and one of my niece's significant others came into town. This was frustrating for me because I'm incredibly shy and they're trans and so I was afraid of misgendering, so I tried not to address them at all. But they're also shy, so they didn't wanna talk either. And then my niece refused to tell me anything about the visit, so I had to keep being confused at different intervals. -I thought they drove? -No they got dropped off. -Well I thought they were leaving on Sunday? - No, Monday morning. -You still haven't done like 6 essays in one of your classes. -I'll do it! (Did not.)

And then at the usual Saturday Family Dinner, people kept ignoring me. People asked me questions directly and then stopped listening to me halfway through. My mom especially kept getting distracted by the stupidest shit in the middle of me talking. I had to retell a story like 5 times before I finally gave up.

Then my husband was having a problem with another video game he tried to buy. His online order got cancelled. He got the points he used for a coupon refunded, then he bought it again and they shipped it to the wrong address. Not sure why that address was still there, set as default. Then he drove over there to pick it up and in the package wasn't the game he even ordered. So he went to a physical location and returned the game and just bought the one he wanted in person.

It wasn't until I was able to talk to my husband Saturday night that I was able to get any of my anxiety out. That I realized just how much anxiety I had. A lot of it was stressing out about finishing the game. A lot of it was about the stranger coming to the house right after he left. A lot of it was about being so busy at work, staying late, finishing the game, getting up to take him to the airport, coming home to take my niece to school, getting gas, coming home to get ready for work, having another busy day, then having to take my niece to work with me and navigate the stranger and my niece at work while also tutoring. And then going to dinner and being super ignored.

And my husband went back to some problems in his house and that made it so I couldn't talk to him until Saturday night. I got some of my stress out, able to finally spend a good time with my husband, things calmed down, etc.

Now I can work on that stuff for my boss. After all this other stuff I gotta do for my learn school.

#about me

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mcrcki · 2 years ago

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@mvsicinthedvrk said : im so glad you have a submit box so i didn't have to figure out how to break this into 47 parts

maig, it’s so rude that your message to me came through my inbox at the very moment that i went to start writing yours, because now i’m trying really hard not to be emotional about it! so rude! i had to pause in writing this and go do something else so i wouldn’t just sit here and feel overwhelmed with gratitude. buckle in, this is going to be a long message for literally no good reason except that i have a lot to say.

it’s wild to think that in the month of may it’ll be mark my 1-year of being on your team. once i got picked as a new admin, i had to read that dm a million times because i was sure it was wrong, but i was so excited to start helping out! and when i got invited to the admin discord, i was a little apprehensive, just because 1) i wanted to do a good job and make you all proud and 2) i was nervous about coming into a situation and being the new cog in the wheel when all of you were already so close. (especially because after a certain point the only “new” admins were me and cherry, and cherry didn’t count as new because they’d been in your d&d campaign and friends with you all the whole time, haha.) my nervousness was probably evident in my silence in the non-work chats for so long, lol. but EVERYONE was friendly right away and i really shouldn’t have been nervous at all. getting invited to jackbox game nights is still always one of my favorite things, and the first few times that happened i finally started to feel like, ok it’s fine, i’m not intruding on a pre-established group of friends, these people do actually like spending time with me and aren’t just inviting me to be nice about it :’) and in general, basically what you said in your positivity message to me about me feeling more confident now is really true, and that’s definitely due to all of your guidance and your endless patience. i am slowly distancing myself from feeling like i have to ride on admin training wheels, though i know that when i inevitably do have questions, i can still come right to you all because you’ll be happy to help me figure out whatever it is i’m confused about. SO i suppose what i want to say is just-- thank you for believing in me, and for trusting me to help make decisions. and for appreciating my contributions, too! when you and sunny came to talk to me about your concern that i felt overloaded by monitoring the inbox so often, that was really sweet and kind of you and i hope you believe me when i say that i do really enjoy it and i’m not stressed about it at all. i truly like doing it and i’m thankful that you all let me keep doing so, haha.

all that admin stuff aside, i also have to acknowledge that i still love writing with you!!! i’m so pleased that xie lian and sophie are friends, you are correct in saying that yuri and omega are TOO funny no matter the circumstance, and i love interacting with marlene and rowena too with whichever of my characters we can manage to throw together with meme starters. your blog always has THE prettiest themes, and i always look forward to seeing what you’ll come up with for your event photo edits and tasks because the visuals?? incredible. that goes for everything you’ve ever edited and made for the main as well. your reply spam is consistently delightful and whenever i see you start to hit the like on a bunch of our replies i think “oh no i’m in danger” but i also, happily, have something to look forward to, knowing that i’ll get those replies back sooner than i am probably prepared for, haha. and on a completely unrelated note, i love your dog, so please send her my love.

this doesn’t even get INTO how appreciative i am of you being a head admin and keeping this whole rp running for half a decade, but if i start telling you grateful i am for that, this message will never end. so, to conclude, please simply take my undying support and gratitude and love and know that i feel really lucky to have gotten to know you! you’re my favorite boss :’) but more importantly, you are a friend. fuck, now I’M almost crying. okay that’s all! much love, sincerely, ollie.

hidden positivity day || happy 5 years !!

OLLIE WHAT THE HECK !!!!!!!!! this is so nice , so sweet i just lkgjdfklg im gonna scream. imma go give lita a hug just for you pls know that i just love you a lot, i am so beyond proud of you and i just hope that we can continue to grow as friends, and kgfdjgfld pls i just love you a lot pls know that ♥

#a walking talking meme || ooc #mvsicinthedvrk #hidden5ever #long post tw #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #also u get the husky one in honor of lita

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crinkle-eyed-boo · 2 years ago

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When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass it on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 🩷

ILYSM, Marshmallow. Thank YOU for the part you played in all of these <3

Own the Scars - My first baby. Looking back, I can't believe the audacity I had dropping a 145K slow-burn fic where Louis went through rehab as my very first fic in this fandom when I didn't know anyone. 2018 me was BRAVE.

There's Such a Lot of World to See - Claiming a prompt from a fic fest where the admins disappeared into the ether turning into the definition of the whole "write the fic YOU want to read" trope. Doctor!Louis MAY be my fave Louis I've written. (This fic absolutely wouldn't have worked without Maggie's beta work as a non Whovian who was actually VERY GOOD at Doctor Who!)

Let Our Hearts Collide - I'll always be sad this one suffered a bit in the wake of the fandom brouhaha that surrounded that year's Big Bang. I'd wanted to adapt While You Were Sleeping from the moment I got into Larry fic and I'm so proud of how it came out. I think this is my favorite Harry I've written and I loved being able to really dig deeper in regards to his journey.

No Bunny But You - A silly little idea that was inspired by a smoke break outside of my office that both helped me break out of writer's block AND proved to me that despite my initial protestations, I can write something angst free when I put my mind to it.

Mine Would Be You - My entire heart and soul on the page. My love letter to New York City and a rumination and reflection on my 20s. Harry and Louis handing me gift-wrapped material in the form of Fine Line and Walls. Sometimes it still feels like I'm recovering from it, even three years later.

#My fic #28th Appreciation

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jamestkirkish · 2 years ago

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As promised: why i’m freaking out about a 45 year old dad from New Jersey wearing a cheerleader outfit and why i’ve been waiting for him to do this since i was in the 8th grade.

Which is obviously more about me than it is about him/them, being as they’re someone I have never met or spoken to.

But sometime around 2005 or 2006 - and I’m not fact checking myself, so historians feel free to correct - I read something somewhere. I don’t know if it was a quote or a link, if it had been posted on GSB or INO? Like idek if it was before the admins realized they were going to need to make a whole new site. But I know I was about 13 years old and I learned that Gerard Way used to go to art school in full drag.

I was 13 years old and had no idea what was going on. Had never heard the words ‘pansexual’ or ‘nonbinary’. I thought something was wrong with me.

But as far as I was concerned, Gerard Way was the prettiest person I’d ever seen

(honestly it’s still true, and I really don’t mean it in a creepy way, nothing nsfw, just like ... statement of fact)

and I desperately wanted to see Gerard Way as a girl.

And I had been working so hard to come to terms with the fact that I thought I must be bisexual (and that still wasn’t right) and so scared all of the time. Because ‘05/’06 was a lot different than 2022.

And just a couple years before that I had dressed up as a hobo for Halloween. And I was a boy hobo. I’d drawn a beard onto my face with one of my mum’s eyebrow pencils. I posed for a picture as if I was a boy. They hold their bodies differently. And obviously I did a good job because my mum made a big deal about how I looked like a boy, as if it was a bad thing and had me pose again ‘normal’.

Sometimes people called me a tomboy.

I don’t think I’d even heard the word ‘transgender’ yet. But I knew about cross dressing. I knew I wasn’t a boy. I still wanted to look more like a boy. I was trying so hard to be a girl.

Still, I was 13 years old and had no idea what was going on, but I wanted to see Gerard Way in the best damn dress he owned. Because maybe it would make it okay. Whatever was wrong. Because at this point I’d already promised him(myself) that I was going to keep fighting. Be invincible.

I didn’t understand why, if they were fine dressing up for school why they couldn’t now(then). When I already thought they were the bravest person. Much more brave than I could ever be.

It never occurred to me to think about whether Gerard may or may not want to be a girl in any permanent sense. Maybe because I don’t want to be a boy. But I’m not a girl. And since I don’t actually know them, y’know ... projection.

Regardless, ‘Gerard Way needs to wear a dress on stage’ had been something branded into my brain since then.

And he finally did.

This year I came out to my mum as pansexual and nonbinary. This year I finally started dressing like myself again, started trying to look like how I really wanted to look (and feeling weirdly vain and conceited about it).

And fuck - we’re really doing it. I still think they’re the bravest person. So much more brave than I am. But damn I have to keep trying.

So there’s this singer in a rock band who’s 15 years older than me who I’ve not spoken to once in my whole life, but it really feels like we’ve been going on this journey together. And that’s weird, but whatever. I’ve never felt more validated by another human being in my whole life.

#damn i've never gotten so emotional on this website in my life #about #shit i say #one of a million mcr stories in my arsenal #lgbtq #mcr #sulu is texting #my chemical romance #gerard way

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legolasghosty · 2 years ago

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bestie, beloved, how about 5 headcanons (or more) about jatp + extended characters going to a summer camp? 👀

Hello my love!!!!!!

Oh gosh, a summer camp au for summer camp au royalty... No pressure! /lh

Okay I'm basing this roughly off a day camp I went to for a few summers when I was younger, so hopefully it makes sense?

Ray and Rose own and run a kids day camp. Ray mostly handles the admin stuff and Rose does the people and kids stuff. They mightttt have met in college and both wanted to do the same thing and decided to team up, decided they should get legally married cause it would make it way easier to buy the property together, and then fallen for each other as they built the camp.

They had a little wedding ceremony about a year after the camp opened. Everyone was kinda confused cause they either thought they were already married or were confused by the lack of paperwork and an actual person who could legally marry them(Their friend Trevor did the ceremony. The guy is many things but he didn't really have the license for that and it didn't matter).

So the Molinas live at the camp year-round, they have a house on one side of the huge property. Julie and Carlos would mostly be campers in the summer, and Julie started working as a counselor in training (a CIT) once she aged out. Carlos still has a year or two until that happens.

They also rent out various spaces around the camp for events and retreats and stuff during the off-season as well.

Alex came to this camp for a few weeks every summer with a group from his church and always loved it. He stopped going to church after coming out cause... stuff. But the camp still held a special place in his heart, so when he was looking for a summer job and noticed stuff on the camp website about them being LGBTQ+ friendly, he applied to be a counselor.

Reggie really needed a summer job, Luke's mom was demanding he get out of the house or Bobby's garage sometime, and Bobby just wanted to spend the summer with his friends, so they all applied too.

Willie came a few times in middle school when they started doing horse camp, cause it was fun and way easier to ride out in the woods than in LA. They wanted a good summer, so they applied to work with the horses as a riding instructor.

The groups of kids are put with a counselor and a CIT for the week, mostly grouped by age. Julie ends up being Reggie's CIT and they basically switch roles cause she knows the camp better and he's better one on one with the kids that are having a hard time.

Bobby is startled to discover that the Molinas who run the camp are also his dad's friends the Molinas. He and Julie haven't talked much in years, but they reconnect over the summer and have a great friendship!

His CIT, Flynn, is Julie's best friend and an absolute legend with the kids. They all think she's awesome. Every group has a color and Ray makes sure Flynn has the same color for large chunks of the summer cause that way she can braid colored strands into her box braids for her group and doesn't have to change them every single week.

Luke ends up helping Rose with music activities instead of counseling, which is fine by him! Rose got pretty sick a couple of years ago, so while she's mostly recovered now, her family has convinced her to stop doing literally everything herself. So Luke is her assistant for a lot of the music activities.

Alex, after a long conversation with Ray and a couple of lessons, takes one of the groups of horse camp kids. Fortunately he isn't in charge of teaching anyone to ride, just keeping them together and making sure everyone gets lunch and stuff. And the riding instructor his group usually gets paired with is really pretty...

Ray and Rose immediately notice the sparks between Alex and Willie at breakfast in the mornings and start pushing them together on purpose. They're matchmakers :D

The gang quickly bonds and spends as much time as they can hanging out. Mostly that's at breakfast before the kids arrive for the day, but they find other times to hang out in the evenings and stuff too. It doesn't take that long for them to start having regular sleepovers at the Molina's.

The camp mostly runs during the day, but there's a chance for the kids to sleep over one night per week. Technically all the counselors are supposed to stay with their groups in the big circus tent where everyone sleeps, but Rose and Ray tell the gang to go sometimes once all the kids are asleep. They can take care of the kids, let the teenagers go have some fun.

Lots of other chaos ensues but this is already really long so... I guess let me know if you want more?

Dang sorry this got so long! Love youuuu, hope you like it!!!!

(Send me an AU and I'll give you 5+ headcanons/thoughts about it!)

#legolas tag #legolas ask #legolas answers asks #I really hope the day camp concept makes sense #Like where the kids get dropped off in the morning and picked up in the late afternoon?#Idk this is based on a camp I went to when I was younger so...#I promise you stuff like this exists!#Oh gosh I just realized that they would all have camp names....#Dang it this post is too long already!#okay we'll just do it down here #in no particular order #Rose is Petal Pusher #after the band she was in in high school #Ray is Flash #and he always jokes about how he's the slowest man alive with everything other than his camera #Luke is Rush #cause of course he is #Julie is Butterfly #Alex is Sticks #like drumsticks but Willie likes to joke that it's like the river Styx from Greek mythology #Willie is Wheels #which they find hysterical cause they're working with horses #Reggie is Labrador or Lab for short #cause he's a puppy :D #Bobby is Turtle #cause he hard on the outside and soft on the inside :D #Flynn is DJ #cause yes!#okay shutting up now #sorry!!!!!

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quaranmine · 4 years ago

Text

New World, New Faces

When the hermits moved to their new world, they were excited to welcome two new members. But maybe one is an old friend instead . . .

Grian hasn't seen Pearl since Evo. It's a shock.

No romantic relationships or content warnings. Mainly emotional hurt/comfort, but probably more emphasis on comfort. Hermits: Grian, Pearl, and Mumbo primarily with a little bit of Scar and Xisuma as well. Reblogs appreciated and AO3 link in reblog!

Words: 3893

◑ ━━━━━ ▣ ━━━━━ ◐

These days, Grian was pleased to say that the Watcher’s didn’t occupy his mind nearly as often as they used to. Except on certain late nights where he lay in bed and thought of before, his time was mostly spent having fun--scheming, pranking, building, planning, mining, laughing with friends. It wasn’t something he could forget, but the hermits had become his new home, and as years passed the edges of those memories had dulled a bit.

The other times where the Watchers occupied his mind were update days. Since joining hermitcraft, Grian had gone through several updates with the rest of the server. Sometimes they moved to a new world, and sometimes they stayed in their old one. No portals of bedrock ever appeared, but Grian always thought of them just the same. It always felt like maybe, just maybe, one day he’d turn around and see their signature portals once again.

Watchers didn’t always leave portals to update worlds. Grian hadn’t known that until he’d been put to work as a Watcher himself. Oh, the Watchers were still in charge of updating worlds, but they often did it more subtly, without grand towers and quests for portals. It’s hard to retain status as a myth when everyone knows your calling card, afterall. Admins always knew when it was time to update. Grian hadn't, back on Evo, because he’s always been told.

It turned out Evo had been different, and Grian didn’t know how to feel about that. Evo wasn’t the only world to receive special attention from the Watchers, but it was one of their favorites. Why them, though? Why did the Watchers keep such a close eye on their world in particular? Why were they left towers and clues and prizes and punishments, when other servers were mostly left alone?

Why did they kill everyone and kidnap Grian?

◑ ━━━━━ ▣ ━━━━━ ◐

Grian stood in a group with the other hermits, eagerly waiting for the move to the new world. He bounced a little in anticipation. He was excited for the new update--he knew very little about its contents, but it seemed like there would be some new building blocks to play with, according to Xisuma.

He already had plans for the new world--new bases and new shenanigans. Grian was excited to build close to his friends. Xisuma had informed them that another update would come in a few months, and for the hermits to stick close in the time being so that new land would be freed up for the coming update. Grian had already known about the second update for a while, as all Watchers do, but he let Xisuma handle all of this as admin. Those days were behind him, now, and there was no reason to start exercising Watcher powers in a world that was carrying on just fine on its own.

“Is everyone ready?” Xisuma shouted over the chatter, trying to do a headcount. “Hey!” he shouted, trying to get everyone’s attention. Slowly, the chatter quieted.

“Looks like it,” said Iskall.

“Good,” Xisuma said. “Now, before we go, I wanted to remind you that we have two new people joining us this time. I’ve already made arrangements with them prior so they’re gonna be waitin’ for us when we go through.” He grinned. “Be on your best behavior for me, alright?”

“I’m always on my best behavior,” Keralis replied, and Xisuma rolled his eyes fondly.

Grian smiled, remembering his welcome to hermitcraft a few years ago. Unlike this time, nobody had been expecting him. Grian hadn’t been invited like these two new hermits had been, he had just been there when the hermits arrived on their new world. None of the other hermits knew quite why he was there, but they’d all accepted him graciously nonetheless.

Grian liked that memory. The truth is, he’d fled the Watchers and picked an uninhabited world at random, not realizing it had already been reserved by Xisuma. That was a failure on his part as a Watcher, because he was supposed to know about stuff like that. But he had been too busy running to worry about it and besides, there was nobody on hermitcraft to punish him.

The hermits had welcomed him with kindness and made him part of their family. Now he’d gladly do the same for these new soon-to-be hermits.

“Okay . . .” Xisuma said, typing something into his admin panel. “I’m just setting up the portal now.”

They were all gathered in the shopping district, right in front of the Town Hall. Grian took his chance to take one last glance around at the world. The diamonds in the trees glittered in the morning light, sending little reflective shards of light scattered on the ground. Moving worlds was always bittersweet, because it meant parting with the things he’d worked hard on and the places he’d made memories at. But it was also one of his favorite things to do, because it gave everyone a blank slate to work with, sparking endless new creativity.

“I wish I could take some of those with me,” chuckled Scar, as he walked up next to where Grian was standing. He pointed at the diamonds.

“Well of course you want them, Mr Mayor!”

“Uh-uh,” Scar said. “I’m not the Mayor anymore! This is a new world.”

“Well, I guess we’ll have to see what we get up to in the next one, huh?” Grian asked. “Do you have any plans?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Scar teased.

“I guess I will.”

“Do you have any plans?”

“I don’t know,” said Grian. He thought for a moment. “I might make a cave base. I guess I’m waiting to see what’s out there for inspiration before I start.”

“Well, I look forward to seeing it,” Scar replied. “Oh! It looks like Xisuma is ready.”

Grian looked up, to see X opening a portal. It wasn’t a nether portal, nor was it like an End portal. It wasn’t a Watcher portal either, but an Admin one. Grian had come to realize that Watchers supplied Admins with the means to move into updates on their own when they wanted to. The bedrock portals and scavenger hunts were reserved for their favorite worlds--their toys.

Sometimes the Watchers liked to flex their powers, but the universe is not kept running smoothly if all your time is spent flexing. Grian brushed away the thought, choosing to focus on his friends in front of him instead.

One by one, the hermits stepped through the portal, which swirled light blue and hovered just slightly off the ground. Grian hung back, wanting to be one of the last ones through. He wanted to make sure everyone made it through alright, but Xisuma had to be the very last person, since he needed to close the portal. When it was finally his turn, he gave Xisuma a smile and walked forward.

Grian stepped through, into the bright sunlight of a village, and was surrounded by the voices of his friends.

◑ ━━━━━ ▣ ━━━━━ ◐

Spawn was a village in a grassland, next to a swamp and overlooking the ocean. It looked a little plain, but the hermits hadn’t left their mark on the world yet. Behind Grian, Xisuma stepped out into the new world and the portal vanished behind him.

Everybody was crowded around a ditch chattering, apparently exchanging greetings with the two new hermits that stood inside it. Grian held back for a moment, taking it in and basking in the sounds of his friends’ voices. Finally, he wasn’t the new one anymore--a few people had rejoined the server in the last world, but they’d all been old friends, not new ones. That had left him being the most recent addition, not that anything felt like it was recent anymore.

Grian was already thinking of ways to prank the new hermits and draw them into the life of the server.

“Alright Mumbo!” Xisuma said. Grian grinned. Mumbo was supposed to introduce them. Mumbo, of course, didn’t know this, because where’s the fun in that?

“Oh-oh me?”

“It’s go time!” Cleo said.

“This is it!” said Xisuma.

“I’ve clearly very obviously been put up to this,” Mumbo started. “And because everyone thought it’d be much funnier to have me bumble through it without really knowing what I’m talking about, and that is definitely going to be the case!”

The hermits chuckled. Grian walked around the back of the group to try to catch a glimpse of the new people below.

“We do have two new hermits,” Mumbo said, “down in this crevice.”

Grian caught a glimpse of red and brown hair.

“GeminiTay-”

Grian’s world stopped and he felt his breath catch in his throat. She had her back to him, but he’d recognize her anywhere. Her brown hair spilled out from behind a black hoodie.

But she’s dead.

Was this some sort of cruel trick from the universe?

“-and PearlescentMoon.” The rest of the hermits cheered at the announcement, giving the new members a warm welcome. Grian said nothing, his mind spinning a mile a minute.

There was no way it was actually her. The Watchers . . . the Watchers had killed her, and every other Evolutionist. Grian didn’t know why. He would never know why, because with the Watchers it was always “you can’t possibly understand.”And Grian couldn’t. When Grian had finally escaped them, he tried to go back to Evo. It was a foolish attempt, one that would certainly have endangered the lives of anyone there, but nobody had been left there and the buildings were all destroyed and overgrown with vines and Grian had been forced to conclude the heavy truth that all of his old friends were gone.

He didn’t remember what he did after that. He just ran.

Before he could stop himself, the words came tumbling out of his mouth. “Pearl? Is that really you?”

She turned, hearing her name and--it was. It was her. Her hair had blonde highlights around the bangs now, but he’d recognize her anywhere, like her face and the faces of all the other Evolutionists were seared into his brain.

“. . . Grian?”

Grian just stared.

The other hermits had caught onto their mini debacle, and were watching them. “Grian, do you know her?” Mumbo asked.

“Y-yeah, I do,” he stammered.

“Grian?” Pearl shouted, and in an instant had scrambled up the ditch. She stopped in front of him, face pale and eyes wide, like she’d seen a ghost. Maybe he was a ghost, maybe he’d died the day they took him from Evo.

“Pearl,” he whispered.

Suddenly she threw her arms around Grian in a hug and squeezed. “Oh, it’s been so long,” she said, voice muffled.

Grian froze, but slowly reciprocated the hug. He felt numb and like he wanted to cry and scream at the same time, hands shaking, but Pearl’s warm embrace drew him back down to reality.

Pearl pulled away, blinked tears from her eyes and met Grian’s stare. Then, her gaze drifted further down, landing on his folded wings that peaked out just above his shoulders. Tentatively, she reached out to stroke a feather. “What happened to you?” she asked softly.

“I thought you were dead,” Grian said by way of answer.

“Well, I’m not,” Pearl said, and for a moment Grian almost didn’t believe her, and grabbed her wrist tightly, just to see if it was real. Pearl let him. “They took you,” she said.

Grian just looked at the ground, uncomfortably aware of how many people were watching him. Ironic, almost--he didn’t want them watching him so that they wouldn’t know about the Watchers. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the hermits. He did. He’d trust them all with his life a thousand times. He just . . . didn’t want to explain. The hermits were a good bunch. The unspoken rule was that you didn’t ask about anyone’s past unless they spoke first, and Grian knew they’d abide by that for him as well. But he could do without the turned heads.

“Alright everyone!” Xisuma shouted suddenly, startling Grian. “Let’s go, let’s get to work, this season won’t start itself!” Slowly, the hermits began to disperse, branching off into groups. “How’re ya gonna start the season if you don't chop down a tree? I’ll get to work protecting these villagers.”

Xisuma threw a glance over to them, and Grian mouthed a thank you. Xisuma just nodded, and left them alone. Grian was overwhelmed with relief at the admin’s gesture.

He turned back to Pearl.

“I-I can’t believe you’re actually here,”Grian said. He smiled and the moment he met her gaze, his eyes began to blur with tears.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” she cried. “When we got back from fighting the enderdragon you . . . you were just gone. They left a note for us . . . said it was necessary for you to be taken. All in rhyme, of course.”

“Of course it was in rhyme . . .'' Grian muttered, suddenly very angry. All the Watchers and their unknowable ways, always distilled down to some pithy saying. A life-changing event relayed to his friends in another stupid little poem. He’d written a few himself and despised it.

“I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again. Do you . . . do you mind if I ask what happened?” Pearl asked. “I’m just happy to see you here but I-”

“No, it’s alright,” Grian said with a sigh. “They took me after I fought the enderdragon, and said I was going to be one of them. I didn’t want to go but-well what could I do? So I went with them, and they promised to let me hang around the server. They lied to me, they never let me Watch Evo.” Grian paused, and felt the cool trail of a tear dripping down his cheek. “They later told me you were all dead.”

“Oh, Grian,” Pearl said, and pulled him into another hug, and that was it for him. He began to sob.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “It’s just a lot-”

“I know, I know,” she whispered.

“They-they . . . I didn’t enjoy it there. So I, I ran away. I tried to visit Evo but--there was nobody there. I figured they told the truth then, that you really were dead. I ran and found the hermits and I’ve been living with them every since, and oh they’re so wonderful but I could never forget-”

“It’s okay.” Pearl comforted. “I know, I know. We came home after finding the dragon and our place was ransacked, and we were given instructions to leave. And . . . eventually after we left, the group disbanded and we went our separate ways. But, we’re all alive.”

“Really?” Grian asked.

“Yes.”

“Everyone?”

“Yes.”

“Can I- can I see them?” he whispered. It felt forbidden.

“Of course!” Pearl exclaimed. “I’ve kept in touch with everyone, I’m sure Xisuma could help you visit if you asked.”

“Xisuma . . .” Grian thought aloud. “I haven’t told him,” Grian admitted. The admin certainly knew something was up with Grian, because players didn’t normally randomly appear in worlds they weren’t supposed to, but he’d welcomed Grian with open arms to the server and never asked a single question.

“I’m sure he would understand.”

“He would, but Pearl, I don’t want to put anyone in danger! I’m not supposed to be here!” Grian hissed.

“So then don’t tell him everything. Just say you want to visit some people. He’ll understand, I know he will,” she replied. Grian pondered it for a moment. She was right--he could just ask to visit someone. Other hermits did it all the time. Maybe--maybe a few server hops wouldn’t cause a problem. Maybe this was something within his reach, after all this time. The thought exhilarated him.

“But please,” Pearl added. “Please tell someone else, not just me. How long have you been hiding?”

Too long.

Grian didn’t answer, and the two of them stood there and listened to the crash of the waves on the nearby shoreline. The air was hot and salty, and in the distance he could hear Xisuma opening and closing doors in the village.

He didn’t know what he felt, it was like too many emotions had happened in too short of a period of time and left him burned out like a forest after a wildfire. His hands had stopped trembling, but he felt deeply tired.

Happy. You feel happy.

Grian’s communicator chimed from within his pocket. He withdrew it.

GoodTimeWithScar > Grian: are you okay

Grian smiled, and typed a response.

Grian > GoodTimeWithScar: yes

“Who was that?” Pearl asked.

“Scar. He wanted to know if I was okay.”

“Are you?”

Grian met her eyes. “I am now.” It was close enough to the truth. Grian shifted his weight between his feet, suddenly restless and tired from trying to process all this new information. “Speaking of other hermits, we should get going, yeah? We can’t let them get all the resources without us!”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she chuckled. The hermits had already spread out seeking resources, but not too far yet; Grian and Pearl could still see several of them talking to each other across the field.

“Pearl, before you go--” Grian started, looking serious. “Build next to me, alright? I...I want you to be around.”

“I promise,” she replied.

◑ ━━━━━ ▣ ━━━━━ ◐

“Why are you following me?” Grian knew why, but he wanted Mumbo to bring it up. He was torn--on one hand, he truly appreciated his friend’s concern. It was nice that others were looking out for him, a warm reminder of what their little community stood for. On the other hand . . . he’d really have just appreciated being left alone.

“You look like you have a purpose!” Mumbo exclaimed instead.

Huh.

Grian shook his head. “I’m just heading north,” he replied, shielding his eyes and looking up to see the position of the sun.

“I was just like, ‘Man, it looks like he knows where he’s going,’” Mumbo continued and Grian laughed.

They walked to the edge of the swamp, and began to cut down the trees. Starter tools were a necessity in a new world, and they had no stone.

“Ugh, I have to take down this whole tree, and then I have to replant it,” complained Mumbo.

“Wait-why have you got to replant it?” asked Grian incredulously, while getting wood for himself and not replanting the tree.

“Well I-I can’t just deforest things!”

This is going to be SO much fun to tease Mumbo with.

“Whatever you say, tree boy.”

They continued to work, getting wood, and then venturing into a shallow cave to get stone. The whole time their coms kept buzzing, buzzing, buzzing with combat death messages. Just another day in the hermitcraft world, thought Grian. Have they declared a spontaneous war up there? Either way, Pearl and Gem were getting the full introduction today, he thought with a chuckle.

Exiting the cave, they spotted a shipwreck not too far away, and decided to explore it. Grian pulled out a soggy buried treasure map, and they decided to go after it in a boat. Grian wanted to relax in the boat, to just breathe in the sea spray and try to calm his still-racing thoughts, but unfortunately Mumbo was the driver, and he was not a very good driver if you asked Grian. Grian had been tasked with navigation, which was a difficult thing when the driver couldn’t see the map you were describing.

The loot was good, and they divided it between themselves and then struck onward in the boat, this time with Grian commandeering the vessel. They looped back around to the shipwreck only to find a group of hermits that were a little too late to the prize. Pearl, Ren, and Doc were gathered around the boat looking a bit disappointed.

Mumbo and Grian decided to taunt them.

“Who got the loot?” shouted Ren.

“We got the loot!” Grian shouted back.

“Oh it was you guys,” said Pearl. Grian stuck his tongue out at her and cackled.

They looped back around to show off the Heart of the Sea, but Mumbo dropped their only diamond by accident and that was when Grian decided to steer the boat away before they lost any more valuables.

“I can’t believe you dropped the diamond,” Grian sighed.

“I was flexing too hard, I’m sorry!” cried Mumbo.

It was too comical, and Grian couldn’t be mad at his friend. They rowed on, closely following the coastline. After a few minutes, however, Mumbo asked a question.

“The new hermit, who we just saw with Doc and Ren--Pearl--is it. . . is it okay if I ask how you know her?” Mumbo spoke gently, knowing he was treading around a potentially sensitive topic. Grian knew the topic would have come up eventually, after he’d basically had a breakdown in public when he saw her.

Grian stopped the boat, and looked into the water, not at Mumbo’s face. “Yeah, I figured you’d ask. We used to be on a world together. The . . . the world I was at before I came here, actually.” It wasn’t the full truth, since he’d been to many worlds as a Watcher and had lived on the Watchers’ world for a while. But Evo had been his last home.

“Oh,” said Mumbo.

“We were friends,” continued Grian. “We were close. But I was told she was dead. Clearly, though,” he just simply gestured instead of finishing the sentence.

“Clearly she’s not dead,” Mumbo finished. “I see. Who told you she was dead?”

“Someone who didn’t have my best interests at heart.” Grian had never fully told his friend about what had happened before he joined hermitcraft, but the other man knew that it was a difficult past and had comforted him on more than one occasion--mostly after he’d first joined and the pain was still fresh. It had dulled with time and Grian had become more and more adjusted to his new life.

Seeing Pearl again was a miracle, but it sure sharpened the pain.

Grian rested his elbows on the side of the boat and pressed the heels of his palm into his eyes. “It wasn’t just her, either, they told me everyone on the server was dead. And-they’re all alive. All of them. It’s fantastic news, brilliant news, I’m just-”

“Thinking of the people who didn’t have your best interests at heart?”

“Yeah.”

Mumbo laid a hand on Grian’s shoulder. “I don’t know who they are,” he began, “but I know they’re not here now. You have us now, and you have Pearl here too. That all is in the past.”

Grian stared out over the water, watching as the sunlight sparkled and danced over the waves. “You’re a good friend, you know that right?”

“Well, I do try to be,” Mumbo chuckled. “Now-I think we should probably go pick up Scar over there, I think the poor man is going to drown!”

“Oh no!” Grian said, and scrambled for the oars, and then they were off.

◑ ━━━━━ ▣ ━━━━━ ◐

When Grian, Impulse, Scar, and Mumbo created the Boatem Pole, Pearl was there to join them.

When Grian woke up in his makeshift camp the next morning, he was happy to see Pearl setting up her own starter base on the other side of the Boatem Pole.

When Grian showed up at Xisuma’s base two days later, he asked for permission to visit other servers.

#hermitcraft #hermitblr #grian #pearlescentmoon #hermitcraft fanfic #mumbo jumbo #hermitcraft season 8 #quara fanfic

200 notes · View notes

kireijae · 4 years ago

Text

fearless — n.jm x reader

summary: you start a new job at your favourite local bookstore in seoul, however no one cared to inform you of the very pretty delivery guy who comes once a week.

genre: twist (ig?) on a bookstore!au, nonidol!au, fluff, angst, some crack too

warnings: swearing, detailed descriptions of food and eating, edited but not very well, i cried while writing it (if i forgot any or you want me to add specific ones, send an ask or message me!)

words: 6k

a.n: i worked so hard on this oh my goodness it was like giving birth dkfjdsfnsd. but really i love this one a lot so i hope you all enjoy it because i did my best to do the story i had in my head justice. also! let me know what you thought of it!

m.list

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The streets were quiet as you walked to the bookstore. Your bag was heavy in your hand and the sun danced around you, creating a blinding sort of glow on the pavement beneath your feet. You passed modern coffee shops and tall skyscrapers alike, buildings becoming more and more modern the longer you walked. All right angles, smooth surfaces and tinted windows glinting in the morning sun. It was only your second day on the job, but the route was already familiar to you, after having visited the bookstore quite often over the few years you’d been living in the city.

The tingling sounds of the old bell above the door fell around you like snowflakes as you stepped inside. It was quite literally like stepping into another realm. The floor was paved with stone tiles, little shoots of green peaking up between them here and there. The glass walls were lined with creepers and bookshelves alike and the glass roof allowed for the rays of sunlight to poke through the trees’ branches above.

Your eyes were pulled to Jisoo after her voice called to you from behind the cash register. “Good morning!” she said, eyes bright and her voice chipper.

She gave you a short list of things to do before opening the store while she did some admin in the back room. You rearranged bookshelves, tidied the seating area in the centre of the room, fluffing up the old embroidered cushions and wiping the coffee stain off the old wooden table. Once you heard the old clock near the counter sing its tune to signal the hour, you walked over to the door to flip the sign that hung there.

The day went by slowly, with barely any customers walking through the doors. You were half asleep at the register when you heard the bell at the door ring and you sat up from your crunched up position on the old stool. You blinked a few times in an attempt to wake yourself up completely, but your eyes widened when they focused on the person at the door.

You nearly thought it was a scene out of a drama. He walked in, and you swore you saw a curl of wind rush past him and fuss with his hair. Everything around him went out of focus — all your attention honed in on him. He had a white t-shirt on with a loose, light blue button up draped over his shoulders. His hair had to have been dyed, with the depth of the black that coated the strands, but it was still glimmering nonetheless.

You were paying attention to everything he did as he walked towards you, so luckily for you, you caught his words even through your haze.

“Hey, are you new here?” you finally noticed that he held a big cardboard box in his arms, fingers curled around the front, with the bottom of it resting on his forearms.

You opened your mouth to answer, but before any sort of sound could pour out, Jisoo came out from the back room. You were grateful for the interruption, seeing as you weren’t sure you could function correctly just then.

“This is only her second day, Jaemin,” she said, throwing him a knowing glance from the corner of her eye and taking the box from him, “don’t scare her off.”

“Now how would I ever scare someone off?” he leaned on the end of the counter, eyes following Jisoo’s form into the back room again.

The arm that wasn’t leaning on the dark wooden counter was hanging limply from his shoulder, his whole body conveying defeat from the forward curve of his spine to the slack of his jaw.

“You nearly knocked over an entire shelf of books on your first delivery here,” yelled Jisoo, still from the back room.

“I was nervous!” he straightened his posture, his hand now flat in front of you and his arm outstretched, “Anyways I better get going.”

He looked at you as he said it and you noticed the way the glint in his eyes seemed to dance and swirl around until he completely focused on you.

“I’m Y/n, by the way,” you forced an arm out along with your words.

He took your hand gently and squeezed it, “I’m Jaemin. I don’t think I’ve ever shaken someone’s hand before. At least not someone my age.”

His tone seemed sincere, not teasing or judgemental — purely observational. He threw you a smile before walking out the door again. His light blue shirt billowing behind him when he opened the door.

“Don’t mind him,” Jisoo said, walking out into the store again with a pile of books in her hands, “he’s insanely annoying, but honestly it’s either him or the old guy who smells like mould. That smell hangs around even after he’s gone.”

Jaemin came back a few days later, no box in his arms this time and a black hoodie on his frame. He usually came once every week with a box in hand and his bright smile stretched out on his face. Some days he was there and gone within the blink of an eye and other days he hovered around the store, gabbering about anything and everything. Sometimes he came into the shop empty handed: no box full of books to deliver. Jisoo seemed surprised the first time it happened, pulling a face akin to one a girl looking at her brother who just barged into her room unannounced would wear. She said nothing of it, however, so neither did you.

One night at 9pm when you were left alone to close the store, he came rushing down the road in his company van and stumbled out onto the concrete. His hair was already messed up before the wind hit it, most likely from his running his hands through it as he so often did.

‘How does it still look so soft?’

“Please tell me I’m not too late?” he said when he was close enough to not have to yell over the wind.

“Hm?” you widened your eyes and leaned your head forward, trying to get yourself to pay attention to his words instead of the glow of his skin under the streetlights.

“If I have to take another delivery back because I missed it Mr. Yoo might kill me,” he said, his eyes held a plea in them.

“Oh,” you turned back, fiddling for the key in your bag, “Sure let me just open up again.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” he said, setting the box down on the counter after refusing to let you carry it into the store.

“I opened a door Jaemin,” you said, scoffing at him from the door, “it’s nothing. Plus, it’s worth it if it means your boss won’t kill you— What are you doing?”

“I’m helping,” he was faced away from you, hands working at (aggressively) opening the package.

You huffed and set your bag down next to you before walking over to him. You peered over his shoulder, catching a whiff of his cologne. It smelled fresh but sweet. He’d already taken half the books out and piled them on the counter and one or two had fallen down onto the lower half that formed the desk at which you’d fallen asleep at least five times that week.

“You actually just look like you’re making a mess, Jaem,” you pulled your bottom lip in between your teeth and looked up at him through your eyelashes.

He tried his best not to let the shy smile slither onto his face, “Then tell me where to put them.”

He turned around, obviously underestimating your proximity. You were only about five centimeters away from him — at most. He could count your eyelashes if he wanted to, and goodness knows he was tempted to. Anything to be able to look at you for a little longer.

Your heart beat sporadically in your chest, his energy making your system go haywire. You reached behind him to grab one of the books and pulled it towards your chest.

“You don’t have to help. I can do it myself,” you couldn’t find it in yourself to move, you hoped it looked like you were standing your ground and not like you were stuck in your place from the shock of being so close to him.

“I want to,” you swore his eyes glitched — or yours did — because you saw him steal a glance at your lips.

You turned around swiftly before you could think about it anymore, “Alright, it’s organised by genre but these are all just restocks so you can take a few of these to the back.”

It took less time than you thought to pack everything away and enter the stock on the system, nearly half the time it usually took you by yourself. Jaemin was a lot more helpful than you thought he would, and he was a lot stronger than he looked, too.

“Do you want a ride home?” came his voice from behind you as he reached over you to put the last book on a shelf.

“Uh, I’ll be fine by myself,” you said, walking away from the shelf to get your bag again and sling it over your shoulder.

“I need to say thanks for taking the delivery, though,” his hands were back in the pockets of his black skinny jeans. His gaze floated over to you, the bottom lid of his eyes slightly swollen with sincerity.

“You already helped me put the books away, you’ve done more than enough—”

“But, I did make you stay late. And the city’s not safe at this hour.”

You sighed in defeat and readjusted your bag. You did hate walking at night and you’d been on your feet most of the day, so perhaps it wasn’t the worst idea to accept the lift home.

He grinned when you accepted and led you over to the van and you tried not to make a comment about getting into a van with a stranger.

You’d been driving for about ten minutes when you signalled for Jaemin to pull over in front of your apartment building. You reached for the door handle to let yourself out of the car once it came to a stop, but before you could, a hand caught your upper arm.

“Y/n…” he trailed off, eyes on the bend of your elbow.

You waited a moment, “Jaemin?”

And when he didn’t answer, you waved a hand in front of his face.

“Hmm? Oh,” he blinked out of his state and looked at you once again, “Uh, never mind.”

Your brows gathered like the ruffles on a dress but you gave him a moment before he let go of your arm, “You’ve been watching too many dramas, Jaemin. What were you going to say?”

He seemed taken aback at first, your directness not something he had anticipated. But then he smiled.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out sometime,” his shyness was almost gone now, your honesty pulling it away from him.

“And? Do you still want to?”

“Yes.”

Your calm façade faltered when he handed you his phone and told you to put your number in it. His fingers brushed yours and you nearly shivered from the contact. However, you managed to hide it during your swift turn away from him.

He texted you as soon as you got into your apartment. You sat in bed for hours, hands grasping your phone. You only needed to wait a few seconds at a time for his replies. Your body hurt from being pushed into the mattress in such an awkward position, but you barely noticed it. Until it reached 3am that is. You had to force yourself to stop replying after the third time you’d sent a “goodnight, i’m actually leaving this time” text. You lay there for a while before you drifted off, thoughts of Jaemin floating through your mind.

Waking up the next morning was one of the hardest things you’d done in a while. Your eyelids felt puffy — you could feel them around your eyeballs everytime you blinked — and your neck hurt from being held up to look at your phone all night. The only reason you wound up going into work was because of one of Jaemin’s texts from last night:

“I’ll come by the bookshop after work sometime this week and we can have that date.”

“I mean hang out*! Unless you’re okay with it being a date? Bc I’d like that.”

—

None of the drinks in the convenience store looked like the one you wanted, or even close to it. Green, orange and yellow bottles lined the refrigerated shelves and you had no interest in any of them. You’d been standing at the back of the store in front of the refrigerators for a few minutes too long and at this point it was probably getting strange for the cashier. If they were even looking, that is. You realised in your short time in the retail industry that the cashiers are never looking at the customers. Most of the time they were zoned out, or on their phones and not watching the customer’s every move, though it still felt like it. You faintly heard the door swing open, but your eyes remained glued to the drinks on the other side of the glass, and your thoughts most definitely not on your surroundings.

Jaemin hadn’t been to the store in three days and he hadn’t texted you since yesterday. As much as you hated to admit it, that boy had got into your head and so, too, had insecurity. Though your rational mind tried to explain the number of reasons he hadn’t been able to come, your irrational mind seemed to be winning in thinking that he was tired of you. It was absurd that you were having this crisis in the middle of the juice aisle of a 7 Eleven at 10pm and you knew it. You also knew he probably had a busy day at work, he’d even told you last week how busy Wednesdays were for some reason, in fact he’d complained for almost ten minutes while you sat staring at the fluffy ends of his hair. But what could you have done to drive him away? Maybe it was the staring…

“This is getting painful.”

And now you were hearing his voice everywhere. It really was time for you to go home. Take a nap. Maybe it was exhaustion talking. After all, you had stayed up late talking to him last night and you had to get up extra early because you were the one opening the shop.

“Just take the pineapple one.” No, that had to be Jaemin.

You whipped around then when the realisation hit you, however, you still stumbled back a bit when you saw it was his figure standing behind you in the aisle.

“What?” Your brain was still cloudy from all the thoughts swirling around it previously, though they’d completely disappeared now that Jaemin was within your line of sight.

“Take the pineapple soda,” he said again, a giant, perfect smile on his face.

“I don’t like pineapple,” you said, gears in your head finally working again, “I was looking for—”

“Please don’t say strawberry,” he hung his shoulders when he saw the sly grin that crept its way onto your face. “Why does everyone love strawberry so much? It tastes like medicine.”

He took you by the hand and pulled you towards the door, passing the very much unconscious cashier on the way out.

“Where are you taking me to?” Your hand was limp in his, you didn’t have the confidence quite yet to be able to grip his hand back.

“That place never has strawberry soda, I’m taking you somewhere that does,” he didn’t let go of your hand for a second.

You watched him as he walked slightly ahead of you, his hair bouncing as he walked. He was wearing a ring, though you couldn’t see exactly what it was in the streetlights’ glow. It was cold against your skin despite his own skin being warm as well.

You walked for a few minutes before Jaemin’s head suddenly perked up like a puppy who’d heard its name being called.

“Do you hear music?” he asked, whipping his head around in an attempt to find where the waves of music were coming from.

“It must be from the park down that way,” you pointed past Jaemin, to the road on your right.

Jaemin grinned and pulled you with him down the empty road. The park came into view and you saw what seemed to be the remains of a festival. People were littered around the centre of the park, surrounded by cherry blossom trees. Some were gazing up at the sparkling lights tangled among the branches, and others were dancing to the music playing.

Jaemin’s grin widened and he turned to you with bright eyes and a pleading expression on his face.

“I thought we were getting soda,” you said, with a smile on your face that told him there was no way you could say ’no.’

“Just ten minutes?” Jaemin bit his bottom lip in excitement as soon as he finished his sentence, he already knew your answer.

“Fine.”

By the time you got the word out, he was already pulling you after him to the row of trees.

Once you were on the path, beautiful trees surrounding you, Jaemin slowed down and craned his neck to look up. He squeezed your hand in order to get you to look up at the trees as well. Clouds of pink petals collected around the branches, and the lights shone like stars among them. The music and faint sound of cars filled your ears and the smell of freshly cooked food floated through the air.

“I’ve never been to one of these festivals at night,” you said, turning your head to the side to look at him instead.

Your words tore his eyes away from the view above, “Really?”

You nodded your head simply and the two of you continued walking in comfortable silence. Every now and then, drops of water fell from the trees above you like rain from the clouds, most likely from the rain that had run through the city earlier in the day. The music floated around your head, it was a song you didn’t remember the name of but the beat was familiar and it caused you to nod your head to the tune. Jaemin sensed the nodding of your head and did his best to hide his smile by looking down at the paved ground below him.

His gaze was brought back to you, though, when he heard a light giggle. Jaemin’s eyes followed your line of sight and found that you were looking at two kids dancing to the music. They bounced about with no sense of the rhythm of the music, giant smiles on their faces. He felt as though he was in the ending shot of a drama, a freeze frame centred on the main character, the background out of focus and the edges of the screen twinkling. Jaemin wanted so desperately to ask you to dance. Right there. In the middle of the park. And he considered doing it, too.

Just then, your smile widened as the two children began twirling aimlessly and Jaemin couldn’t stop himself from speaking his next words, “Did you want to da-“

Luckily for him, the rain was able to stop him when it suddenly came pouring down. Both of you stood frozen for a few seconds, unsure of what to do, until you started pulling Jaemin back the way you came.

“How far is the store you wanted to go to?” you asked when Jaemin furrowed his brows at you.

“Oh, right,” he said, grabbing your hand tighter and walking in front of you, “It’s just around the corner.”

Eventually he stopped the two of you in front of a frozen yoghurt shop. It was devoid of people except for the cashier, who you could barely make out the silhouette of in the neon lights.

He pulled you in through the glass door and pointed over to the drinks glistening in the lights. The whole shop was cold, making you put your hands on your upper arms to preserve heat. You took one of the many strawberry flavoured sodas off the shelf, but you shivered at the even cooler temperature inside the refrigerator. You stood there for a few seconds, thinking before grabbing a pineapple soda from the bottom shelf and turning around to head towards the cashier.

Jaemin was already sat at one of the white tables, facing away from you. The black material of his jacket hugged him comfortably, his body nearly drowning in the fabric. It made you want to wrap your arms around him, whether it was simply to get warmth or if it was to get to hold Jaemin, you weren’t sure.

You yanked your eyes away from him and went over to the cashier, setting the two bottles down on the counter.

“You don’t have to pay,” he said from his place on a stool near the cash register. He didn’t even look up from the phone in his hands, “It’s on the house.”

You jerked your head away in surprise, “Excuse me?”

“Really, you don’t have to pay for it” Jaemin’s voice came up behind you, “that’s my cousin, he’s trying to get fired.”

You looked back and forth between the two for a second, only just seeing the resemblance.

“What? Why?” you ask, not sure who to direct the question to, but that problem was solved when the boy sitting behind the register put AirPods in his ears.

“My aunt will kill him if he quits another job,” Jaemin snickered, “He’s quit five in the last four months.”

You walked over to Jaemin as he spoke and you noticed two cups of frozen yoghurt on the table.

“That has to be a record,” you sat down and Jaemin pushed one of the cups over to you. There was a curl of lilac coloured frozen yoghurt peeking out the top of the cup.

He chuckled, “Yeah, his mom completely cussed him out. But I’ve met the manager of this place and I would want to quit too if I were him.”

It was silent for a few seconds as you dipped the plastic spoon into the swirl of frozen yoghurt and hummed.

“You just don’t like him, because he stocks strawberry flavoured soda,” you spoke around your growing smirk before opening the can and taking a sip from said soda.

“Hey, at least I’m not the one mixing soda with frozen yoghurt,” he said, pointing to the aforementioned drink with a stern look in his eyes.

You narrowed your eyes at him, seeing through his judgemental facade, “You’ve never tried it have you?” His gaze melted into one of rather tense curiosity at your actions as you raised a spoonful of the frozen yoghurt to your mouth.

“No, doesn’t it feel weird?” he watched you with his confusion pulling on his brows.

“That’s the whole point,” you said, before following the spoon of yoghurt with a sip of soda again.

He quickly scooped some frozen yoghurt from the quickly diminishing supply into his mouth and then looked at you expectantly after swallowing, “So it’s like a chaser?”

You let out a giggle, “I mean kinda, yeah. Try it, but keep the soda in your mouth for a little.”

He reached out, took his soda into his right hand, and after opening it and giving it a curious look, he drank from it. His eyes widened at the pleasant sensation of fizzing and bubbling in his mouth and he pulled his lips together as if sucking from a straw. You laughed loudly at his animated reaction and tried to hold back the ‘I told you so’ that threatened to spill past your lips.

“Wow,” his mouth widened, his jaw comically lopsided, and held the can of soda out in front of him, looking at it as if it had just spoken to him. He then looked up at you, his expression turning back into confusion, “Why are you laughing?!”

“I’ve shown this to so many people, but they’ve never reacted like you just did,” you put a hand in front of your mouth as you continued to heave out giggles.

Jaemin’s features softened as he watched your eyes and nose crinkle from your laughter. A smile etched itself onto his own face at the sight and sound of you laughing at him. Your cheeks were jutting out to make room for your smile and he was sure your laugh was the best sound he’d ever heard. He was glad he could make you laugh so hard. Glad that he had any positive effect on you at all, really.

While the two of you continued talking, the sky outside emptied itself of rain until it had none left. The sound of rain clattering to the ground outside was replaced with only the occasional drip from the roof. However, neither you nor Jaemin would admit that you’d noticed it, instead opting to stay in the bubble your laughter and conversation had made around you. That was, until a set of keys was hurtled towards Jaemin, who very nearly caught them. They landed on the floor behind him and he twisted around to pick them up.

“What the hell?” said Jaemin, throwing his words at his cousin who had just woken up.

“When you’re done, lock up for me will you?” he said as he picked up a backpack from behind the counter, “But don’t stay too long, Jaemin, if you keep looking at them like that I’m pretty sure your eyes will turn heart shaped.”

Jaemin scoffed, watching his cousin disappear out the back entrance without another word, leaving only the lights above the refrigerators on.

“Alright let’s go,” he stood up and held his hand out for you to take and you couldn’t help the shy smile that pushed its way onto your face.

After locking up, the two of you began wandering the streets of Seoul, with no particular destination in mind. Jaemin kept your hand in his as you walked. The rain had stopped, but it had left blotches of water for you to dodge everywhere you went.

The boy next to you had become completely silent, the only sounds he made being occasional hums as you spoke. So eventually, you decided to let the sounds of the city enter the space between you instead of trying to fill it with your words.

You made your way to your apartment, Jaemin still by your side. When the two of you stopped in front of your building you had the urge to lean closer to him, to close your eyes and let your lips meld together in a kiss. You wanted to be as close to him as you could in that moment, but when he only gave you a rushed ‘goodnight’ and turned away, your hopes sunk down to the floor of your heart. As you watched him walk away, you felt coldness set in for the first time since you’d met him.

—

Three days after your date with Jaemin, an old man walked into the bookstore with a delivery box in his arms. You went around the counter to take the box from him and sign for the package, frowning all the while. The man left without saying a word, but when he turned around, you caught sight of what must have been a chewed piece of gum behind his ear. Your shoulders jostled in disgust as soon as he was out of sight.

A moment later, Jisoo appeared from the backroom. “Was that Jaemin?”

“No,” you said blankly before looking up from the box you’d just cut open, “but I have met the mold guy now, and you’re right. The smell does hang around after he’s gone.”

“Jaemin better be dying,” she said, going around the counter to start entering the stock on the computer, “or I'll kill him myself for staying home.”

“I don’t think he stayed home,” your shoulders slumped as you said it, “He probably changed his shifts.”

Jisoo hummed in confusion, signalling for you to elaborate. Her eyes were still on the screen but her face was aimed towards you.

“He hasn’t talked to me since we went on that date,” you huffed, placing your hands on your hips. Lifting books all the time still hadn’t become any easier since you‘d started this job. You had, however, learned to appreciate air conditioning after the one day it didn’t work and you were reminded why no one else had turned a greenhouse into a store of some kind.

That pulled Jisoo’s eyes away from the screen, “You went on a what? And he didn’t—? Okay, no, fill me in,” she leaned her forearms on the counter.

“Well, he asked me on a date that night that he made that late delivery, then didn’t specify a day or time and then found me in a convenience store and whisked me away on a really, really lovely date and then he didn’t call or text and now he’s most likely changed shifts because he hates me,” you took a sharp breath in at the end of your rambling.

“That doesn’t sound like something Jaemin would do,” she said, “I mean the last part, the late delivery and suddenly taking you on a date sounds just like him.” She paused for a moment, eyes cast down as she thought, “Have you tried texting him?”

“Of course I have.”

“And?”

“Delivered,” you deadpanned.

The bell on the door rang behind you and you rounded the counter to take over from Jisoo while she asked the customer if they needed any help. Before she left your side though, she sent you a sad, close-mouthed smile and squeezed your arm.

That night, as soon as you’d changed into comfortable clothing and sat on your sofa to watch reruns of an old show, you picked up your phone and wandered over to your chat with Jaemin absent mindedly. As you opened it, you felt a slight pinch in your heart. Maybe being left on delivered was better.

—

You held a bucket above the lamp in the centre of the room, the plop from the drops of water entering it being washed away under the sound of the rain outside the store. You were in the process of trying to place the pile of books you had in your hand onto the table without letting the drops of water get on the lamp, when you heard the sound of the bell ringing above the door.

It had been a while — maybe almost two weeks — since you’d last seen Jaemin; since you’d last talked to him. But now he pushed his way into the shop, bringing with him a whirlwind of the weather outside.

You looked over to his form in the doorway: a box littered with giant dark spots in his hands and his hair nearly dripping from the rain despite the hood of his sopping yellow raincoat framing his face.

When he caught sight of you, your arms holding books and buckets alike and struggling with both of them, he set the box down on the ground near a bookshelf and rushed over to take the pile of books from you. He set them on the old couch and helped you move the heavy lamp in order to put the bucket in its place to catch the water.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, keeping your eyes away from him.

“No problem,” he said, putting his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.

‘He has no business looking that pretty.’

“I’m sorry I haven’t been by in a while…”

You scoffed immediately, “You haven’t answered my texts in a while either.”

“I’m sorry about that too,” you can’t tell if he’s avoiding your eyes because he’s ashamed, or because he’s lying.

“Well, at least you don’t have to apologise for not reading them, because you most certainly did that,” you nearly felt bad as the words sprang out of your mouth, nearly.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” his voice was weak, so were his words.

On hearing the words drop from his lips, your anger rose like a wave at high tide.

“Oh really? Then what exactly did you mean to do, Jaemin? Because, taking someone out on a date — which, by the way, was the best date I’ve ever been on — and then leaving them outside their apartment with barely a ‘goodbye,’ and not calling or texting for a week doesn’t sound like you’re trying very hard not to hurt someone.” You took a breath, before muttering, “Not to mention the fact that you switched your shift just to avoid me.”

“Fuck, I know, okay? I’m so sorry,” he looked up at you then, eyes shining with sadness, the excited glow diminished to barely a flicker, “I know I was an asshole. It was the best night I’ve ever had and I was an idiot not to hold on to you and I’m incredibly sorry. If I could rewind and do it the right way I would.”

“Then why’d you do it, Jaem?” his shoulders slumped at the change in your voice, you were holding back tears and you’d grown so small in front of him. His arms nearly wound themselves around you of their own accord.

“Honestly?” he took a moment to collect his thoughts and arrange them into words, “I was scared. It sounds insanely cheesy and like it comes from a Taylor Swift song or something, but the way you made me feel was terrifying.”

“Great, thanks, you really know how to make someone feel better,” You rolled your eyes, a tear falling down your warm cheek in the process.

He didn’t have time to stop the airy laugh that escaped him, “I felt fearless. You made me feel like there was nothing in the world that could stop me, as long as I was with you.”

You wanted to hate him, wanted to yell that that was bullshit. You wanted to push him out the door and into the rain yourself. But, you couldn’t. You knew he was being sincere. You knew it, because that was exactly how you’d felt and it had scared you, too.

“So you ghosted me completely? Because that doesn’t sound so ‘fearless’ to me,” you tried to keep your resolve until you got the answer you needed.

“Like I said, I was an idiot. It was stupid of me to try to get rid of someone who made me feel like that. I just — I’ve fallen for you so hard and so fast that it scared me, because by the end of the night I knew I wasn’t going to stop falling any time soon, I still haven’t. And then what if I lost you? What if I did something wrong and made you hate me?” he sighed, reigning in his thoughts and emotions, “So, I ran before I could fall anymore. I tried to minimise the pain before it even started.”

“So then, why are you here now?”

“This past week has felt like the place you go to if you’re too shitty even for hell,” he took a small step towards you, “I’ve already fallen way too hard to turn back. And plus, Jisoo called me and told me you were genuinely really upset and well, there’s not much I wouldn’t do for you. So, even if it means possibly getting my heart shattered by you in the future, I’d gladly do anything to make you happy.”

“Jae—”

“Oh and Jisoo said she’d get me fired if I didn’t at least explain myself and I really need the money so— Ow!” He rubbed the spot on his bicep where you’d pinched him. He still held a smile on his face from his own joke.

He was probably the happiest you’d seen someone who’d just been pinched, and suddenly, you couldn’t hide your own smile.

“Will you forgive me then? Or at least let me make it up to you?”

“Depends on how you plan to make it up to me,” gathering yourself, you turned around to enter the back room Jisoo was always hiding in, Jaemin following you close behind.

“What about a date? I’m on my lunch break right now and I just saw this—”

You stopped in the doorway and interrupted him, “I still have to work for another four hours, text me when your shift is over.”

He nodded vigorously, “Yes, uh, okay perfect. I will! I’ll see you later tonight then?” He began backing out of the bookstore with a giant, goofy smile plastered on his face.

Just before he opened the door, you called his name, “Jaemin! Actually text me this time okay?”

“I swear I will!”

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