#i wont bother anyone again. just please universe. give me this.

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

So I finished watching Yakuza 7: Like A Dragon. Spoilers under the cut. 

(Mainly positive take, some criticisms. C+/B I’d give it.)

So, first of all, I didn’t play it, I just watched people on youtube so my perspective of gameplay should be taken with a grain of salt. But I really liked the turn taking fighting style! Like a real JRPG, I thought it was fun, it seemed fun anyway, and the strategies to JRPG make more intuitive sense to me than fighting games, which I don’t know at all. I did end up missing the hand-to-hand combat like... aesthetically and it kinda breaks universe rules a little. But, like, Ichiban seeing combat as a sort of heightened fantasy reality actually helps with that and the plot still treats us like average combatants. Like, there’s still no murder, despite a lot more weapon use, including guns. So... it’s a little sad and weird universe-wise, but seems fun to play. 

Ichiban is a great protag! Definitely not Kiryu! He has two dads, like 8 spouses, a lot of hair... He’s only 7 years younger than Kiryu and that’s... that’s a choice ^^; But he’s got a lot of good things going for him and I like his build. Interesting rage-grief he has going and a thing about revenge that Kiryu never had. And I like that actually, I like that Ichiban gets hit with different things than Kiryu did, but he still has flaws. Kiryu was never blind with rage the way Ichi got, but then, Kiryu also didn’t save his brother. Like, they have VERY different shit going on, which is GOOD. So I’m kinda annoyed that in the end we took Ichi’s dad and brother, just like Kiryu’s? Like... damn :/ Lame. Lazy. 

I love Ichi’s team! I love Adachi, Nanba, Saeko, Joon-gi, Zhao. Top notch peeps! I like that they all just like him and are here for a fun adventure with him. They’re all here for something different, which is also really cool. Zhao is sort of redefining who he is in... retirement I guess? Trying out being a companion rather than a leader. Saeko is longing for family, connection, a place to belong. Adachi was here to accomplish a goal, to restore his honor and provide justice. And Ichi’s been a big help to that. Joon-gi is... a whore. I’m sorry! He’s just this beautiful, obedient man who’s just here on lend and he does whatever the fuck you say. Do not put him in charge of decisions, he’s terrible at them, but he knows a lot and has a vast network. But he appears just to be here to serve everyone’s needs, so to speak, and to moon after Ichiban like everyone else. And Nanba. Nanba hates adventures. He hates germs. He hates people and friends and danger and doing things. But he’s here. Because Ichi makes him hate things a little less. Nanba is a cynical, cowardly bastard, and Ichi’s a fucking sunshiney idiot always trying to fix shit that isn’t his problem. And he makes Nanba get up and fight. He makes Nanba believe in tomorrow. Nanba doesn’t trust people, Nanba doesn’t hope. He’s a pessimist and lives only to complain. But he is first in line to get shot for Ichiban every fucking time. He’s always the first to Ichiban’s side when he’s in trouble. Leaving and betraying Ichiban broke his fucking heart and my ship is probably showing A LOT here but I don’t care. I fucking love Nanba, I love his arc, I did NOT see it coming. And they are definitely my ship out of this. The fact that Nanba without fail is always the first to put himself in danger for Ichiban guts me. With how much he doesn’t believe in good things ever happening, it destroys me that he’ll dare it all for Ichiban. Fucking wild. 

I thought it was cool to bring up a political villain, but... we didn’t really carry through on Bleach Japan’s thematic importance. We revealed them to be cruel and hypocritical, but we didn’t end up actually saving the slums or proving why the slums needed to be saved and that’s... kinda lame :/ 

I was really hoping that we might make a stand on why grey spaces were needed, on why organizations like the yakuza are needed but instead we... disbanded? And I don’t even know why? 

Like, it was to fuck over Ryo Aoki. But... he was a TEMPORARY problem. All you had to do was move the organizations underground until he was unseated, which the Tojo already was??? 

But instead... we brought down Tojo and Omi and... WHY?! Like, SERIOUSLY, can ANYONE tell me WHY! Because I have a LOT OF FEELINGS about why that’s a BAD CALL.

What are all those guys going to do now? “Oh, we’ll just make a security company” YOU’LL WHAT?! THOUSANDS of guys used to shake downs will now be hired to patrol rich estates and cover banks and business buildings?! Fighting WHO, themselves?! A LOT of that job is just watching some fucking cameras, what... what the fuck are you talking about Watase?! 

But I guess that’s still better than Daigo’s “I have no fucking idea” plan

NO WONDER Majima’s depressed at that funeral you JUST TOLD HIM his new job is BABYSITTING SOME RICH FUCK’S BUILDING. Fuck you guys! 

And HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT POWER VACUUMS?! CRIME doesn’t disappear just because there’s no one there to manage it! That just means it gets worse! And rasher, crueler people grab power in the interim. Smaller but rougher groups will appear. More and worse crimes will happen now. You just disenfranchised thousands, not all of them are going to come with you to play security detail and not all of them WANT to. So why EXACTLY did we disband the yakuza? What problems did that solve??? 

What about all that shit about the yakuza being a home for people who didn’t fit in? What about people who fell through the cracks in the system, who don’t have anywhere else to go? 

If the yakuza, as an idea, was so fucking bad, WHAT WERE THE LAST SIX GAMES ABOUT?!

You can’t have an established series that accepts the idea that crime and violence are sometimes necessary or are even good things and have a compelling protag who does that, ONLY to turn around at the last second and pretend like it was always wrong!

If you were gonna act like the idea of organized crime is a Bad Thing, THEN THAT NEEDED TO BE A CONFLICT FROM THE BEGINNING

But you didn’t even do that!

We DIDN’T disband the yakuza because organized crime is inherently morally corrupt, no we disbanded because some prick thought he could use us! A PRICK WHO IS NOW DEAD! THE FUCK?! 

And DON’T GET ME STARTED on how this reframes Kiryu’s narrative. KIRYU WASN’T RIGHT FOR LEAVING YOU FUCKING BASTARDS. 

THE WHOLE POINT OF KIRYU’S ARC WAS THAT HE WAS FUCKING WRONG TO ABANDON HIS RELATIONSHIPS I- *screams into pillow*

AND why does Kiryu need to be dead now?! There is no more yakuza! Who does he need to hide from?! 

OH no wait, my mistake! We didn’t disband ALL the yakuza, just Omi and Tojo! You know, the two biggest cities in Japan. I’m sure THAT won’t have Fucking Consequences. But Kiryu still has to be dead for uh... Reasons.

This was just such a fucking dumb universe-building move. It’s not been thought through, it betrays the whole point of the franchise up until now, and I’m honestly just mad that they didn’t even feel the need to address it? Like, the yakuza’s just gone now, but it’s whatever. Who would even care about that. Like, that’s not going to be a plot point next game. It won’t matter, at all, I promise you. All of the in-universe implications this has, none of it matters. And I’m not even mad I’m just... tired. And annoyed a little. that you can’t be bothered to tie up your own rules. You won’t give your own writing decisions weight and that’s just... kinda sad. It’s just lazy and sad that they don’t care enough to connect the pieces. But I’ve had my heart broken enough by yakuza writing decisions. Of course they would do this, of course they haven’t thought enough about their own series to really consider what ending the yakuza would mean. Why would they? 

I’ll still watch the next game. Like, Ichiban is likeable enough and I’m interested in his arc enough that I’d play or watch next time. But... *sigh* We’re the Yakuza series with no yakuza. And y’all gonna act like that’s a good thing or pretend it doesn’t even matter. And I really don’t know what to do with that since you haven’t bothered to examine it either. 

On a nice Kiryu note, I did like that he was scaled appropriately, I like that Ichiban is Wiped Out after almost every fight. He’s a good fighter, but he has human endurance. Kiryu’s still god. He hits the hardest out of anyone you fight and you Don’t win and that’s As It Should Be. I’m REALLY glad they at least let me have that. I’m glad they let us fight Kiryu and we passed and it was a cool passing of the torch. I was so worried they were going to destroy Kiryu’s legacy and at least they didn’t do that. 

The coin locker baby thing... it was cliche and convenient, but in the way that Yakuza is cliche and convenient and melodramatic and over the top. It was sort of fitting and familiar that way. Shame we ended Swashiro like that, I think we could have done more and cooler shit with him but, eh. 

SPEAKING OF MORE AND COOLER SHIT

...all that effort, just to kill him? Alllllll that long time, that hard conversation, that break down with Ichiban... just to kill him. Just to make him Nishiki, all over again. 

I... fuck you. 

Why do you refuse to write a goddamn redemption arc

Fuck, you don’t even have to write it, have it happen off-screen if you’re so fucking afraid of it. Just have him recuperate in a goddamn hospital and, I don’t know, by next game just show that he’s doing better and is getting therapy and whatever.

Jesus fucking christ, he doesn’t have to MATTER in the next game just... don’t kill him. Jesus. Please.

All that fucking work and you’re STILL going to give Ichiban the trauma of losing someone he was trying to save. 

I just... it’s really gutting how much you don’t like your characters and you don’t like to write and you’re cowards. You won’t take risks. You’re too afraid of fucking up so you won’t do what the narrative calls for. 

Killing Masato was lazy-ass, punk-ass, coward shit and I wont’ stand for it. I did not expect to care about his ass by the end but you guys REALLY made an effort in making him a three dimensional character there at the end and explaining why Ichi would care about him and I was willing to come with you! I was willing for us to invest in this dumbass. We walk him all the way up to the edge and step him back. We let him let go. And then you just. fucking. gave up. You goddamn cowards.

I’m so tired of this shit

For all that, it was genuinely a really fun game and a really fun story with a lot of likeable characters. I think a solid C+, even a B. I really did enjoy most of it. It’s just... in usual Yakuza style, they only fucked up 2 things but they were a REALLY IMPORTANT 2 things. 

Oh and I did like the fact that Ichiban Still Doesn’t Know. No one tell him.

[missjackil]

My 15x19 Opinion

Inherit The Earth

I’m not going to say this was a great episode overall, but it wasn’t bad, and the ending was beautiful! I almost wish it had been the series finale because I loved the Running on Empty montage and my boys smiling as they ride into the sunset, but Id ikely say the episode itself wasnt sufficiently satisfying as the final episode of the longest running genre show in history, but as a season finale, it was pretty good!

We begin with Dean meeting up with Sam and Jack, and Dean tells them about Cas. Im glad Dean didn’t shed anymore tears or dwell on it, but Im bothered by Sam not showing any emotion. Had Sam been upset, then it would have looked like he valued their friendship even if Cas obviously didn’t, but now it just kinda looks like neither cared much. I feel a little bad for the Sastiel shippers tbh

Now in true Sam Winchester fashion, Sam puts all the blame on himself that the whole world is gone because he “screwed up” and I felt really bad for him, but I know the Winchesters, and they’ll figure it out.

Dean finding the dog was adorable. I always get warm fuzzies when the boys get cute with animals! Big bad lethal hunters get all soft and smooshy for bunnies and doggies and watch funny kitten videos! I liked Dean telling the dog maybe Sam will let him sleep in his bed!

Back at the Bunker, the boys wake up the following morning. Sam and his coffee, sleepless Jack in his PJs and Dean hungover on the floor. Dean wakes up and gets a call, Now I want a show of hands for everyone who did like I did ok?

(Dean’s phone rings and he answers it}

Cas :Dean open the door Im hurt Me: Oh COME ON!! SERIOUSLY? (Dean answers the door) Lucifer: 😆 Me: YAAAY LUCIFER!!

That was me.. admit it, was it you too? I’ve never been happy to see Lucifer till then LOL

So we get the book, theres a new Death (she was funny btw) Michael comes,  Death 3.0 dies, stil no one can read the book, yada yada yada Mike kills Lucifer (seriously? 3 people have killed Lucifer and none of them were SAM!! Grrrrr) 

So Sam and Dean meet up with Chuck, I got a kick out of him asking if they were “enjoyng some alone time?” Chuck doesnt just ship the Wincest, he wrote it *snicker*  Dean pleads to have everything put back to how it was, he says he’ll kill Sam or Sam kill him or they’ll kill each other, whatever but Chuck declines. 

Now we move on to casting the “spell” out by the lake (obviously where they filmed Bravealecki lol) and Chuck comes to end them I have to say,, watching the boys getting pummled was hard, but it really did my soul some good to see them keep getting up get beat down, get back up, and then ultimately, hold each other up 💕💕💕 I loved their beaten faces, smiling through the blood, yeah Chuck, you lost! 

Now, Im glad they didn’t kill Chuck, I didnt think anyone was going to kil him anyway, but I did think he’d be redeemed, instead, they surprize me again and Chuck lives but now is just human. Good call!

Jack being the “New God” is iffy to me if I like it. I’m gad he got a good end, Sam stood by him from day 1 that he was worth saving, and he was. But ruler of the Universe? Ehhhhh not a fan, but at least he does have Amara with him. His goodbye was a little cheesy but Sam looked sad “What if we want to see you?” I mean, he’s letting his only son just go away forever... that hurts.

So the boys are home now, not social distancing AT ALL hehe. and after we salute those lost along the way, Sam and Dean take in the fact that they’re finallly free to be Sam and Dean and they like that. Dean gives Sam the most awesome side hug ever, and Sam makes the cutest face!! Just kil me with brolove please!!

Now the perfect song for their recap montage, Runnin’ on Empty!!  Of course I cried, did you think I wouldn’t?

Overall it was good and I enjoyed watching it a 2nd time already. Im let down some by still not knowing why Sam was in the book, why theyve brought up Sam and Dean being Mike and Lucifer’s vessles every season since 11 and not put closure to it. I mean we dont need a grand puppet show, but something for closure, Mike and Luci asking again and almost winning and thge boys giving a final no? Chuck saying he doesnt even want them as the vessels anyhmore? How about why the Hell he wanted them in the first place? I mean it was a big deal just to get John and Mary together so that Sam and Dean would be born, and Id be fine with it ending when s5 ended, but they brought it back up in 11 and kept reminding us every season after so..... wtf?

Anyway I did like it, even with the issues so on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon I’ll give this one an 8.5. 

Next week is it folks and I already miss them. I hope with all my soul the boys end up together, and I hope that TPTB were smart when they had JDM and Sam Smith together last season that they took some time to film a Heavenly Winchester Reunion and have been very tight lipped about it. It would be so easy and so awesome!! I doubt they were that smart so just keep my boys together thats all I ask!! 

If the end sucks I wont even bother with a recap and wont likely be on Tumblr anymore at least for a while, so.. lets pray it doesnt suck!

[bucksbisexual]

okay since im rewatching 2gether, might as well make my reaction public lol

tine trying to be a supportive boyfriend by asking wat if something is troublig and wat’s himbo self being like “nah fam im good” god i love this dumbass

also tine not knowing how to talk about his feelings is so relatable help

honestly i would’ve LOVED to see sarawat at least one (1) question

tine’s smile while wat drinks..... Sir I Am In Love With You

also his blush..... Sir I Am More In Love With You Than I Was Before

“is the lyric about smile or happiness?” “don’t cheat” wat saw through his bullshit right there KSJFHKS

i wonder what’s in those glasses because it doesn’t quite look like coke but it obviously isn’t beer,,,,

ohhhhh “a friend from high school” ... explains tine’s reaction we see in the teaser when he introduces pam as his highschool friend

also explains why tine thought sarawat made that video for her instead of him. wat is in his high school clothes and tine probably thought it was before he saw him (when in fact it was probably recorded the same day lmao sarawat hopeless romantic)

tine: one more game! [spins the coin and supposedly falls on heads] wat!

sarawat: no one can talk to me if i fall asleep

i’m trying not to look at bright’s jiggly butt why is ass so fat fOR

it doesnt add the points here if i dont write something else so intro time yeet

yknow what . we need more earn and more pear in these two last episodes . i need my wlw rep and i need it Now

“personal space is important even for couples” still cant believe man was the owner of their braincell in this scene

tine giving all of type’s info away to wat so wat can give it to man who tine knows will use to pester him until he becomes his boyfriend...... say it with me: tine mantype shipper

“how did you know?” “i prayed to god” literally the funniest part ever

manboss: im not going good luck wat: you’re so full of bullshit

GREEN <3

i will just say that pink is tine’s best colour. i need him in every soft pink thing u can find. it accentuates his skin colour so perfectly and we are Here for it honeyyyy

MIL SHUT THE FUCKUP

sarawat being a savage (rachet booty nasty) we stan

bro get over him oh my god he’s taken and happy with wat LEAVEEEEEE

and man pestering type begins Now ksjfh

i’m like 100000000% sure that the only thing in that whole backpack is a pencil and half of an eraser

im also sure type saw him buy the book since u literally can see him from where man and that girl are and

hold up the waiter looks like a guy from whyru,,,,,,,,,,

i need someone to write a fic about tine being an astronomy lover and wat falling in love with him because of the joy in his eyes when he talks about the stars and interesting facts about the universe and new discoveries of galaxies and other things that wat doesnt really care about but he listens to either way because he’s too in love to shut off his brain

okay back to the episode sorry i just really had to say this

wat really said “don’t take advantage of me when i’m sleeping” when they haven’t even kissed.......... no words, completely speechless

tine probably thought he was being real sneaky right there lmao boy he fell asleep 2 seconds ago

god green really appears for 2 seconds and yet he steals the show KSFJHKFJFS he really was about to beat the person in front of him’s ass for not walking faster im crying i love him

BITCH SHUT UP AND LEAVE THEM ALONE STOP TRYING TO BE A HOMEWRECKER

wat looks so offended by his offer it’s so funny jhfksjhgj still MIL GET THE FUCK OUT

them running around is so funny when u know they had to do that like 20 times and were tired as fuck KSJFHKSHFS

WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER i love u

omg the bracelet truly isnt there at the start of the scene :-(

“nuisance tree” lemme just cry a bit

the music stopping here......... they truly played with our feelings there huh

WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 2

the reactions are so kdrama outro i cant breathe KJHFJSFKJS

GET THE FUCK OUTTTTTTTTTTT

“well, you left him” IM GOING TO STEP ON YOU

bracelet where r u :-(

“it was here a second ago” it wasn’t im an obsessed bitch and noticed just as the scene there started

he looks so worried:-( tine baby

“i can make you a new one” “but i want the old one” why do i feel like that has more than one meaning,,,

half of the times wat touches tine’s head his hands are dirty as fuck lmaoooooo

is- is someone wearing a marihuana dress??????

manbosss again and he has a book

type is the teepakorn brother that can lie and will lie meanwhile tine can’t lie for a living

I LOVE THIS GUY GIVE ME HIS SELF CONFIDENCE

dim really made up a whole spirit just for wat to be with tine lmao i cant breathe (unless the pine tree spirit is an actual thing and he just used it for this specific thing lmao)

“that senior is me” “and who did you go with?” “that was a long time ago” “it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me” “green, drop it!” i love them KSFJHFSJHF

green and wats faces i cant bREATHE these are the faces of people who know this is all fake

BRO WAT WASNT EVEN THAT SLICK WITH THE PAPER IN HIS HAND SJKHSFHHKFS

my guess is that he had two papers that were the same number just incase they didnt get the same number but then somehow mf MIL had to come in and ruin it

i dont know who chose to make bright wear this much brown but it honestly fits him so well

coffee for his soon to be boyfie

man: loving u is kind of bothering? type: o_o man

he’s still reading the book kjshfsf WAIT HES SO CUTE

“you gotta miss me if i don’t show up one day” “just back off. i’m leaving. do not follow me. give me some time to miss you” okay tsundere ass bitch

type’s so rich he’d rather spend money on getting his tire fixed than get it fixed by man for free i hate rich people

he’s also too rich to care to check if his doors were locked i-

“for me?” “do you see anyone else?” bitch ass tsundere

type: smiles, realises he just did that, eyes cutely go o_o

type looks so cute in that scene for no reason im going to eat ur cheeks if u dont stop being a cutie

aaaaaand of course theyre not paired up

dude of course he is youre creepy and also trying to break his relationship apart only because u dont have the decency to see that you dont have a place in his heart whatsoever

dim honey........ jskhsjf

tine’s hair....... PLEASE I NEED TO TOUCH IT IT LOOKS SO FLUFFY

“the spirit doesnt like it when you pray with your eyes opened” did literally no one notice how nonsense that was? KSFJHSJ

GREEN U SCARED THE BABY WHY WOULD U DRESS LIKE THAT

he looks so cute im gonna cry like actually cry

weak ass blankets they gave them i swear

if u cuddled then u wouldnt have been cold but noooooo ur big puppy boyfriend has trust issues

baby:-((((((((((( i will cover u with a blanket and give u lots of kithes and hugs

tine having his phone die at an important moment and also having no sense of direction whatsoever is so relatable lmaooooo

thank god for the rain because otherwise sarawat wouldnt have ran the way tine actually went lmao i wouldve beaten dims ass if mil was the one who found him

this scene hurts so much:-(( his throwing the grass like that in complete defeat??????? the flashback to him saying that bad things seem to happen to them lately makes my heart break

the soft touches:-((((( please im gonna Cry

dnotsaysorrydontsaysorrydonsaysorrydontsayHE SAID SORRY FFS

baby :’((((((

“i prayed for something but i havent redeemed that prayer yet” “what did you ask for?” “it’s if i got to see you again, i would show you the video i made. it’s the song your smile you are so curious about” BITCHHHHHHHHH

HES GONNA SHOW ITTTTTT YES I LOVE HOPELESS ROMANTIC HIGHSCHOOLER SARAWAT

he’s all shy i cant breathe he cant even look at the screen skjfhksh

oh so it was on the same day sksjhj forgot about that

I CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

tine is all blushy im gonna sob i love these two

im trying not to scream and tines reaction to wat telling him he went to every scrubb concert just to look for him

ITS NOT GONNA GET STUCK ON THE VIDEO BABY HE WILL LIKE U BACK IN A YEAR!!!!!!

“i like you” “yeah. i know. i like you too” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM LITERALLY REWATCHINNG BUT I STILL JUST SCREECHED AT THAT I LOVE THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

their smiles after he said it tho.......... my heart hURTS

wat: the wish only drew us to cross paths again. us being together is because of something else, tine: what then? wat: shout out to my homies for being there for me since day one i love u bros

THE FLASHBACK AAAAAAAA I FOUND HIM YES U DID BABYYYYYY

boss’s whistle after he tells them that he only said he would kiss him until he dropped lmaoooooo

“his name is tine. [with the softest voice ever] what a cute name”

manboss looking at each other like this bitch is so gone for this random dude but we’re gonna support him because we’re the only friends he has

wat was probably wishing the pool had water in it so he could throw both of them into it at that moment KJSFHJSFHF

“he’s the one i like” “shiiiiiit” same dim, same

fan dee nAAAAAA

his ass was so gone he was gonna make his ig username lovetine i literally cant believe him

boss having the braincell in this scene i love it

“but earn has a boyfriend” LIES. SO MANY LIES. ITS A GIRL. SHES A WHOLE LESBIAN.

boss once again being the owner of the braincell...... im starting to think he owns it half of the time

“you get it now? us being together is not a coincidence. it’s because of us” WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 3

wait,,,,, tine’s little head tilt,,,,,,, SIR I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU

the stars!!!!!!!!! theyre there!!!!!!

“i think nothing bad is going to happen anymore” honey you got a big storm coming

it ended :’(((((( my beautiful boys i love this episode and drama so much i swear

lets watch the next episode teaser

i dont think tine is gonna lsiten to pam saying that but if he does,,, baby pls dont overthink okay he loves u and wont leave u for anyone in the world

phukong dont come back to him he knows that u like him and will play with ur feelings

type is gonna have to choose between im guessing either a boy interested in him from work or man and im gonna vote for him going with man lets hope i win

WHAT IS WRNOG WITH U BRO GET OUT HES HIS BOYFRIEND OF COURSE HES GOING TO CARE AND WORRY YOURE JSUT A CREEP FOLLOWING HIM AROUND HOPING THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP ENDS SO U CAN SNEAK IN UGH

“is pam your first love?” WHY DID U END THE TEASER THERE AAAAAAA BITCH

im so glad that the episode comes out today because i Need to know more

okay thats it if anyone read all of this first of all sorry kjshkfj and second of all thank u ,, u didnt have to but u did and ily for that okay bye

[puppycharmz]

All the HLVRAI asks please? :3c

HJASHJK WHOA!!! UH!!! i shall answer five to give other people a chance to ask!! 

☢️ (Gordon): How do you handle stressful situations? Do you take charge, or stay on the sidelines and let someone else deal with it?

when it comes to stress i tend to cry a LOT. some nights i wont be able to sleep because of all of the stress. i take charge in a way?? like i dont tell anyone about it, except for like one friend (which is probably not very healthy) so i just deal with it myself!! (which again, probably not very healthy)

🥊 (Dr. Coomer): What are your thoughts on the world you live in? Is it all a game or simulation, or do you believe in a more hopeful universe?

im really holding out that things will get better, especially with everything going on. like, i want things to improve and be better than they are, and i want everyone to get better and stuff. kinda hart to articulate quite what i mean??? but thats the gist

🥤 (Tommy): Do people treat you like a kid a lot? Are you considered “the baby” of your friend group? Do either of these things bother you?

i am VERY much the baby of any given friend group. the only exception is when i go full mom mode and take care of my friend group. not really bothered about being the baby of the group, but one friend treated me too much like a kid. i didn’t really do anything about it, but im kinda glad we broke off cause she was kinda stuck up in general.

🔫 (Forzen): What was your favorite childhood toy line? (For example; Furrbies, Pokemon, Beyblades, etc)

ooh thats tough!!! i remember i used to be in love with littlest pet shop and zhu zhu pets, and then i got into pokemon (black 2 was my first game so gen 5 babey!!), and i also kinda got obsessed with build a bear clothes so i had a mini closet full of em in my room?? kinda relived that nostalgic feeling cause i went to a mall with a friend and made a bear named Rufus!! they gave him a little scenty thing so he smells nice :)

💼 (G-Man): What is your relationship with your parents? Do you have any common hobbies/interests with them?

imma keep it real here. i have a strained relationship with my mom, and im chill with my dad (more or less). like when i mentioned the stress and not being able to sleep some nights its because i would be thinking about something she said or did that she never apologized for. it sucks bro. uuh as for interests me and my mom both like coffee/starbucks, and my whole family is in martial arts!! 

[bang-bangtan-boys]

Proposal

{Yoongi x M! Reader}

Warnings: none

Summary: Can I request male reader proposing to bts ( or only Yoongi) pls???? Thankssssss

Sry for taking so long to get this out :/

You held the small box close to your chest, looking over your outfit in the mirror. Yoongi was waiting outside the door for you, also suited up. Neither of you wore ties, deciding that even though this was a formal date, it was also just you two, so it didn’t matter. ‘Except it does matter,’ you thought to yourself, ‘Everything matters today…’ you eyes the [f/c] tie on the counter, before moving you gaze to the door to open it. The box had made its way to your back pocket as you flashed Yoongi a smile. “Let’s go?” You asked. He nodded, holding his hand out lazily for you to hold. You did so, and began pulling him with you.

Yoongi slid into the passenger's seat as you did with the driver's seat. It was better this way, since your car wasn’t big and pure ivory black like the ones Yoongi had to ride in. But that was only as a member of BTS. Right now, he was Min Yoon Gi, and he was with you…

Yoongi rested his head against the window, eyes closing as the hum of the car lulled him to relaxation. You wondered if he was asleep, seeing as he didn’t snore or anything. When you made it to the fancy restaurant, you lightly shook him. “Hyung, we’re here,” you said to him, and he groaned. He rubbed his eyes and looked at you, giving a barely noticeable smile and walked out, grasping your hand gently before letting it go. His other hand went into his blazer pocket, and he walked to the front. You opened the door for him, entering the beautifully lit area after him. Yoongi looked around, eyes showing childish awe while the rest of his face held its usual bored, dead expression. You had reserved a seat for the both of you yourself with the money you earned from your small job. Yoongi was proud of you, and he’d made it his goal to stress it to you. You turned to him, smiling, “They’re going to take a few minutes to clean the table, we have to wait a bit.”

Yoongi nodded, sitting on one of the cushion couches while you sat in the one across from him. That was strange; why didn’t you sit next to him? There was a seat right there, so why didn’t you take it? He frowned, a small pout playing to his lips. Now that he noticed it, you were rather fidgety and nervous, constantly rubbing your hands against your clothed knees. He moved seats to sit next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. You blushed, letting out a cough, “Hyung, w-what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? Hugging my boyfriend, that’s what I’m doing…”

“But Hyung, we’re in public- your reputation-”

“Fuck my reputation… actually, just fuck me.”

“Hyung-“

“Shut up and hug me back, idiot.”

You returned the gesture seconds after, placing your head on his head and your arms around his slim waist. You may have been younger, but both your build and your height made everyone think Yoongi was at least five years younger than you. Yoongi minded at first, saying he ‘wasn’t that short’ and ‘had hit puberty first, meaning his voice was deeper and he was older’, but everyone just skimmed over that and continued their assumptions anyway.

After a few minutes, a waiter called you over. You had hooked Yoongi’s arm under yours as you walked, separating so you could sit across from each other. You hadn’t made much conversation aside from asking what other thought was good on the menu. Once your order was done, you let the water take your menus. Yoongi then rested his cheek on his hand, the other hand moving to feel his first arm as he looked at you, “You know, this type of thing isn’t really how I’d spent a Saturday night…” he started, and your heart dropped. He continued, “But… I’m proud of you. I know you worked really hard to afford a reservation here and I applaud you for that.” He gave a sweet smile, “I have a wonderful, handsome, hard working boyfriend to call my own.”

“Hyung…” you whimpered, wiping your slightly tears eyes. Yoongi perked up, “Ah- shit… i didnt mean to make you cry.” He reached over to get a napkin to wipe your face, but you just waved your hand dismissively, “No I’m- I’m fine. It’s okay, Hyung… I’m fine…” Yoongi nodded, placing the cloth back to its original spot. You composed yourself before the waiter came with your food. You stood up, looking at Yoongi, “I need to use the bathroom.” Yoongi nodded, sipping a glass of water.

You pulled the waiter with you- BamBam, read the name tag- and you spoke to him, “Sir, if you could please dim the lights at around-” you checked your watch, “- 9.30, and get your musicians to play something for me? I am about to propose to the man across from me-” you prayed he wouldn’t throw you two out for being homosexuals, “and it’s really nerve wracking for me and i just want everything to be perfect. Oh god, what if he says no? Oh Jesus, lord, dear god. I’m burnt toast…” you continued to rant softly to yourself, before a hand on your shoulder snapped you out of your thoughts. It was the waiter, “You’ll be fine, sir. I’ll ask the band and see if the chefs can arrange the lights for you. I understand, you’ll be alright.” The comfort helped you, and you relaxed, smiling gently. “Thank you,” you said simply, planning on giving him your entire next paycheck to him as a tip for being so generous.

You came back, smiling brightly as you were unable to contain it, “Hey Hyung!” Yoongi cocked an eyebrow, swallowing the food in his mouth, “Was your pee trip so good you feel the need to be all sunny?” You shook your head, a flustered expression on your face now instead. “Hyung! You’re so loud!”

“I can be louder if you want… like-” his voice lowered, and you sat down, leaning closer to hear what he had to say, “Like when you’re pounding into me so hard i can see the whole universe, or when you tease me so much i cant stand it and i feel like I’m on cloud nine. Or when-”

“Okay!” You interjected, voice cracking slightly as you gained the attention of those around you, “That’s enough, thank you!”

Your food was devoured rather quickly and you sat there, searching for the mop of red hair that belonged to your assistant in this ‘operation’. When you spotted him, he flashed you a smile and gave a thumbs up. Earlier, you had given him music sheets you had in your back pocket. It was a self written piece of sheet music from ‘Save Me’, a much more soft tone to it instead of the usual upbeat one. The musicians had it in front of them, and they began playing. Yoongi perked up instantly at the song, remembering it quite quickly. He looked around, wondering if anyone had noticed him, before gasping. “You ,” he said, almost accusingly, but you knew it was actually excitement, “You did that, didn’t you. Why?” You giggled, watching as the lights dimmed. This gathered everyone’s attention, and they looked around, probably wondering the worst case scenario. Yoongi stared at you, waiting for an answer. BamBam gave you a Bigger smile, using both hands to give you a thumbs up. You nodded, and Yoongi looked behind him. When he looked back forward, you were kneeling before him. The box was opened to reveal the pretty blue-ish white diamond adorned on a silver ring. Yoongi gasped at the sight; the ring was truly beautiful.

“Min Yoon Gi,” you began, and some people gasped at the name, “You have offered me nothing but kindness- of course, aside from the first years of elementary, where you shoved bulgogi down my shirt and i was forced to go home. You were lucky, and only got a detention for ruining my Captain America shirt,” you chuckled, and Yoongi did too, but he still felt bad about it, “When I saw you again, you had already graduated high school. The only reason i saw you again was because you came back to help clean the lockers. Who knew I’d have your old one?” Yoongi scoffed, arms crossing while his left leg rested on top of his right thigh. He smirked, eyeing you to continue, “Since then, we’ve grown closer throughout friendship. Eventually, it turned to liking and then loving each other. Somewhere down the line, I dont know how.” Some people chuckled, others murmured amongst themselves. “Either way,” you continued, “Nothing I say can make you want to, but- somewhat like i said all those years ago- would you maybe consider marrying me?” Your head tilted, and Yoongi couldn’t help but compare you to a dog, and he chuckled. Your heart sank as he shook his head, as if he were disapproving you. You dropped your arms slightly, shoulers sinking as you looked down. The music had stopped playing, and more chattering could be heard in the background.

“You idiot,” Yoongi said, leaning forward to lift your chin, “Of course i would.” You let out a sigh of relief, smiling. Tears began to flow down your cheeks and Yoongi wiped them away with his thumbs. “Aish, dont cry,” he said, “you kid…” you nodded, standing up now and towering over his smaller frame. You tried to put the ring on his finger, but you shook too much, so Yoongi did it for you. He sighed, taking your cheeks and kissing you, you wrapped your arms around him and some people cheered. Others began to pack their things and leave. BamBam walked up to you two to congratulate you, opening a party popper to celebrate. “Meal’s on me,” he said, laughing gently while Yoongi tried to remove the strings in his hair. You chuckled, “That wont be necessary, I-”

“Are you kidding? That was the cutest shit I have ever seen,” he said, “Don’t even bother. That ring looks expensive, might as well not trouble you more, right?” You shook your head, “That meal would cost you an arm and a leg, its fine. Really-”

Yoongi sighed, taking his wallet and pulling out a 100 dollar bill. ‘Wow,’ you thought, ‘what a flex…’

“To pay for our meal. Keep the change for yourself, ‘kay? Buy something nice or something,” he pat BamBam’s cheek softly, turning to walk with you back to your car. You did so, tripping over yourself a few times. Yoongi pulled the keys out of your pocket once you got outside, giving them to your hands, “You drive by my directions, okay?” He said. You whined, “But i wanna go hoooome~” Yoongi shook his head, “You gave me a wonderful surprise, now its time for me to return the favor.”

You drove based on his instructions, realizing you were going to the BigHit Studio. You gave Yoongi a confused face, “Wha- why are we here?” He shook his head, taking you arm and leading you to his ‘Genius Lab’. You followed suit, and he shoved you against the couch as soon as you entered. You fell back with an ‘oof’, and Yoongi sat on top of you, blazer removed as he began grinding down against you. “Wha- Yoongi-”

“Face it,” he said breathlessly, “Two guys in South Korea cant get officially married. So,” he leaned down to your ear, panting against it as he chuckled, “Might as well make this our first night as husbands, right? What better than exploring each other?”

You two had fun that night, lets say that...

[blue-skeleton6289]

Okay uh just something I want to know--what would happen if when the skeletons came home and found that the reader wasn't there(also the reader is at the grocery store somehow, also pretend that they don't know that they have their phones) I want to see how it would go (if your okay on answering it)

Sure! Welp time to get emotional!

The whole house was neat and tidy!

"Good job Y/N a work well done!" You pat your back as you go towards the fridge, you were hungry all that cleaning and running around really made you hungry. Opening the fridge your surprised to see not much left. Some milk, still some veggies, afew condiments left, but not that much. You don't even see any eggs!?

"Well I guess none of us has gone grocery shopping. Guess I will just go! I bet Axe and Jupiter will be thrilled to see the fridge full and cabinets! Might as well stock up!" With that idea set in mind you ran upstairs to put on clothes that wasn't dirty or smelled like cleaning supplies.

You throw on a purple shirt with a cream half sweater and some high waist light jeans.

Grabbing your card you were pretty excited!

As you turned around you saw Joey sitting there waiting. TUGGING AT YOUR SOUL STRINGS!!!

"You wanna come?" You asked as his tail wagged more and he ran to his new leash handing it to you.

"Hehe, you pretty much are a service dog. Emotional support!! So if anyone asks you act like you know what to do!" You hold his big tan and black head, as his pink tongue sticks out.

You hook it on his collar and put on your gray ankle short boots. Running down the stairs with Joey.

Grabbing a car key you take Papyruses red ferrari. He gave you permission if ever needed.

Joey hopping in the back you drive off towards the store.

---

The house was quiet no noise at all, just the ticking from the grand old father clock.

Sans, Red, Stretch, and Fluffy called it a day early wanting to get home and relax. Be with you.

But when they all got home they expected Joey to be running at them or atleast barking like he usually does. At there arrival.

"where's joey?" Sans asked finding this very weird.

"probably outside or with dollface" Red waved it off its happend before.

Fluffy sniffed the air not smelling you in the house? Or Joey for that matter?

Fluffy went outside automatically, to not see a soul out there.

"she is not outside! i-her scent is kinda faint, like she is gone!" Fluffy was passing back and forth. Trying to calm down. Gone. Gone. GONE!

All the skeletons eyes go out. Now that they think about it your scent is alittle faded. Like you have been gone for 2 hours! Maybe more!

All of them look around the whole mansion. It was clean and like every time they come home to you being there. Giving them that happy sweet warm smile.

They can't find you... Calling their brothers in a panic. All trying to stay calm, they double check everywhere!

"why the fuck can't we find 'er!? wheres is 'er dog!? 'er room is still there everything is still fuckin' there but where is Y/N!?" Red is now loosing it.

As the others pull up they run to the house.

"WHERE IS SHE!?" Papyrus was so worried aa they all looked through the house as well.

"HOW COULD SHE JUST BE GONE WHERE IS HER DOG!!?" Edge screamed, looking for that you and that dog of yours!

"DID YOU CHECK THE LAUNDRY ROOM!?" Blue asked trying to think.

Everyone stopped at that. Teleporting to the laundry room or running.

As Error, Ink, Nightmare, Dream, Dusty, Axe, and Jupiter arrived home. Coming to this chaos.

Axe immediately started to go alittle insane. Dusty teleportinh everywhere with one thing on his mind. You.

Nightmare and Dream were both trying to look for your soul. You weren't in the house?! Or anywhere near the house?!

That got everyone to go either more berserk, sad, worried, confused.

"w-where c-c-could s-she h-have g-gone?!" Error was getting mad and more worried then he would have ever imagined.

All there souls were in a frenzy thinking the worse.

When Ink got struck with something...

"What if the machine took her back?" Ink asked as the words trembled out. He was...feeling something. Something he didn't like it was bothering him.

Everyone froze at that, Papyrus, Jupiter, Blue, even Dream. Were on the verge of tears. There soul was growing more sad.

They all took in thid information. All their souls were screaming in protest. No no that can't be!

"no, no that can't be we didn't fix it yet!" Sans voice was growing deeper. With worry of that possibility.

"but when she came here the machine was still broken. what if it was a glitch...she did come from a universe were we didn't exist... what if it glitched and sent her and joey..back." Dusty said, as his grin was growing so big as a maniac. Then it fell completely... Which made all of them uneasy except Nightmare, Error, and Axe.

She can't be gone!!

All there souls were screaming in protest. No nO!

They all got to the basement to see the machine like the way it was. No sign of being used... That DIDN'T help!

They all started to cry, little tears were streaming down there cheekbones.

Dusty was laughing as violet tears streamed down his face.

Nightmare was getting more and more unstable as his anger and negative feelings and emotions were taking over. As his cyan eye was dripping cyan tears.

Sans was crying, his face was in a alittle flushed as he was morning over you. As he fell to his knees.

Axe was crying as he was pulling at his empty eye socket. Hopeing if he did you would come, grab his hand gently with your warm soft one. And be there.

Papyrus, Jupiter, and Blue were already balling. All holding there brothers.

There souls were sad but not as sad as it SHOULD BE!

Ink was getting alittle emotional, but he didn't cry. He was frowning heavily.

Edge was turning around looking at his brother. Who was slamming shit against the wall red tears streaming down his cheekbones.

As he was feeling so...sad...that stupid HUMAN!! Didn't even... Didn't even... One little tear slides down his cheekbone.

Dream was even getting emotional and it wasnt happy...

Error was couldn't get a hold of his glitching. He was rebooting over and over like his already unstable mind can't handle this!

Stretch was holding his brother as little honey glow tears were streaming down his face.

Fluffy was howling and growling. NO! His ********can't be gone. Tears where streaming down his cheekbones, mouth wanted to release his blazing lasser energy.

Then like a miracle, they all heard the sound of shuffling and barking!!

They all immediately run or teleport upstairs.

All stopping when seeing you holding four bags of groceries in your arms. Two on each side.

"I swear Joey you better not make me regert getting you that squeaky toy!" You shout as Joey runs off squeezing it and running up to them.

You look up in surprise smiling that beautiful mesmerizing smile. That could beat the sun.

Then they watch you frown in concern.

"What happened are you guys alright!?" You put all the bags down. Then they all tackle you.

"Ahhh!" You fall to the ground as almost every skeleton is on you. Whats happened.

"don't ever leave ok" Sans mumbles into you.

"WE THOUGHT WE LOST YOU!!"Papyrus was squeezing you.

"NEVER LEAVE AGAIN WITHOUT INFORMING US!!" Blue sniffs and holds you tighter.

"you fuckin' scared the shit out of us!" Red said as he poked your cheek. Which you looked down at all of them.

Then you get taken into another skeleton love puddle. Dusty as squeezing you so tight like he was trying to stay sane. As Axe, Jupiter and Dream held youso tight. It hurt but you didn't care.

"ever leave again i'll have to kill everyone until i find you" Dusty whispers into your ear, a deep voice. As Axe nods agreeing with him.

"...even if we are wanted criminals." Axe said in

"Maybe not that-" they all glare at Dream.

"Okay so we might!" He said holding you.

"WE WERE SO WORRIED WE THOUGHT YOU GOT SUCKED INTO THE MACHINE!!!" Jupiter says as he hugs you,

"What!? No I was just getting grocery shopping. I got you all condiments and-" you were snatched again, to be with Nightmare who was holding you as close as he could.

"we don't give a fuck about groceries or condiments!" Nightmare held you super close. Not letting you go.

They were all so worried. You should have left a note. You feel so bad, you made them all so worried.

"I'm sorry guys, I should have left a note. I wasn't thinking i'm so sorry" you whisper more and more apologises.

Then your snatched again but this time it was alittle harder considering Nightmare wouldn't let you go.

"cloudy, cloudy its okay just don't leave us." Fluffy whispers wrapping his tail around you. As he was whimpering and holding you close.

"Yeah give us a warning next time. Everyone was crying like a-" Ink was cut off by Fluffy wacking him with his bony tail. Shutting him up.

Having Error laugh pointing at him.

Then Error snatched you from Fluffy holding you up. Stareing at you.

"i-if y-you do that again i will destory this whole universe and every one if i have to look for you," he then brings you closer and whispers. "darling" which makes you explode red. All of them saying they would look for you. Is bring you to tears and making you blush like mad. Error was just the last straw to make you explode.

"Okay! I wont, do that again! Please stop with all this loyal destroying killing for me. Its making me blush!!!" You scream your thoughts out loud again.

"Wait no that's not what I-"

Everyone is grinning like mad at you.

While you just explode into a bigger ball of red.

"aw, honey its okay at least your honest." Stretch pats your shoulder.

"Shut up! Go get the groceries!" You shouted pointing at the door. Face red and looking alittle mad but not mad mad. As your eyes were sparking in amusement and love for all of them.

"WHAT DID YOU GET!?" Edge asked as he was heading towards the car.

"Come follow me and you will see!" You get up and motion for them all to follow. Joey squeaking his burger toy.

Everyone follows not leaving your side.

"I might have gone alittle over board, heh." You said scratching your cheek.

They all seem confused until they saw the whole car loaded with bags of food. Top to bottem.

"alittle?" Sans, Red, and Stretch said at the same time. Making you blush in embrassment.

"LOOK!! There were deals!!! So MANY deals!!" You scream throwing your arms out towards the car like it would prove your point.

"WAIT DO YOU MEAN CLEARANCE DEALS!?" Edge asked, squinting his eye sockets down at you.

As you looked totally guilty. "Nooooo"

"OH MY GOSH!!"

"NO!!"

"Why we have the money!!?"

Alot of sales of disappointment

You run to the car hugging it and the groceries!! "They were calling MEE!! Look half priced and by one get one free veggies!!" You start going on a rant on all the deals you got. With a gaint smile on your face, making weird little faces at stuff you found odd.

As you did all of them were listening and looking at you with plain adoration, love, and there souls beated happily against there ribcages.

One thought entered there minds.

Don't ever go...

I hope you enjoyed it! This was made in the moment, I hope you still liked it! (:

[scorpcorpse]

5/18/20 - type time 732-822pm

so yesterday i went on tinder just like i always do when im feeling extra bored and lonely. well anyway i matched with cute looking boy so he messages me. 

PS im writing all of this here because i feel weird telling my friends what was all said. i told them a bit but not everything.

so we end up talking, and surprisingly it was a good conversation. it was very random though. im laughing and smiling at my phone. my conversations die fast or are about topics i dont really care for. im always into the conversation though no matter what especially because i like talking to people. moving on, you cant send picture on tinder so he sends me his number while reassuring me that he wont be sending dick pics (yay). he’s ranting on and on, flooding my phone with compliments. we’re talking this whole quarantine to him thanking the universe he’s glad he’s talking to a person who is pretty and cool. we talk about all the weird interactions we’ve had on this app and how everyone is soooo horny. he goes to tell me he loves my hair, he says i look like the type of girl, in a show, if i had just gone through hell, and i were to run my fingers through my hair it would just fall back into over my face so perfectly. i was like wtf. i didnt know what to say because that is very very very far from the truth. i would just look like hell. we go on to talk about our personalities and whether we are more introverted or extroverted. he’s more introvert while im more extrovert. i told him though it kind of changes depending on the situation like if i was on a date or getting serious with a person. we talk about how we hate it when people are mean to others by telling others to be quiet when theyre being too loud when it isn’t bothering anyone (does that make sense) like if youre having a good time by yourself and someone tells you to shut up or be quiet because it’s annoying them. he said he would never ever tell me to be quiet. he’s only really loud when he’s excited or passionate about something. we talk more of our dating life, he has a bigger dating pool than me though. he asks me again for the fifth time later; how am i doing, are you bangin, are you sewing sweaters? he wants to know everything. this all has me confused and intrigued. is it weird that i feel like he is very interested in actually talking to me. he asks me if i would be willingly to break quarantine to hang out. i tell him quarantine is okay eh.. im holding up okay, i do need to worry about my big head that only has two brain cells left. i also tell him im the biggest broke bitch he’ll ever meet. he says i wont ask you to pay for anything so dont worry your big head. he understands i dont want to go out. he says we can just talk and hangout over facetime. he proceeds to ask if he can ft me right now. its 2am and i look like a fucking mess. i say im a catfish he says fuck it, im half awake and im not looking for looks. next thing i know he’s calling. we talk for three hours. 

what happens in those next three hours is weird. i dont even know what happened. well immediately i ask him about his tattoos so he gives me the whole run down of his tattoos on his arms. there super cool i like them. my favorite word is yuck and apparently that’s his too because he has that tattooed on his wrist. the meaning is sad kind of he said thats how he felt about himself when he was younger so that drove him to doing that tattoo to himself. he has another arm tattoo where he throws a small detail of him having it to remind him of his friend, his old life of being on the streets and being addicted to drugs. this threw me off because he brushed over it like it was nothing. i didn’t know what else to say. i said uh okay. i wanted to scream are you okay? are you sober now? how are you? but nothing came out. he talks of his other tattoos. conversation changes to him complimenting me again. he wants to see my while face instead just my eyes and nose. i tell him about piercings. he talks about his band. he talks about the punk community. he’s rambling but it doesn’t bother me because i like how soft and soothing his voice is. he continues telling me how pretty i am, like he doesn’t stop for like two minutes. at this point i tell him im not going to respond to you anymore, im not going to take it. he tells me to take it. i take it. i dont believe him though. he can’t see my body, he can barely see my face. i have ance and my face is fat. i know i look disgusting. as he continues to say nice things about me i feel like he’s lying because no one does that. i feel like he’s saying to just make fun of me. im hating all of this. i try not to blush. im smiling. i always change the subject when he makes me feel weird and uncomfortable by saying okay or alrighty anyway. he asks me where are you from, whats make me, me? i try to think of things to say. i tell him about my being in california with no family. i tell him that the one thing that matters the most to me if my relationship with my little sister and all my friends. he agrees because same. he goes on to relate and tells me he’s all alone too. he tells me his dad is gone, his mom is too. he’s an alcoholic. he’s sober now he’s been sober for a year now. he’s okay. i tell him im sorry. im proud of you and how far you have come. im always here if you want to talk. he says no no no no dont say any of that stuff. i tell him again and that i mean it. i really do mean it too. (IF NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE AND YOURE STILLING READING THANK YOU AND ILY, IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH OBSESSIVE OR ADDICTIONS please be there for them, it gets super hard to be there but try and help them push through another day) we go on to more random talking. before i finally get sleepy and he says he’s gonna let me go and sleep. he asks if we can see each other. he tells me when he first saw me he wanted to fuck me but he knew that wouldn’t make him feel any better. he’d still be alone. he then decided to message me because he actually felt like putting in the effort to get to know me. not just for sake of fucking me but to know me like he seems to do a little now. he doesn’t much know about me though. he asks if we can talk tomorrow. he says i hope we can actually meet up and im totally cool with just hanging out with you and just vibing. we dont have to do anything. i just want to chill with you. i tell him thanks for telling me all of this. i appreciate it because many guys dont say any of this. i say yes we can talk tomorrow, i’ll text you. we can be friends and once this all settles down maybe we can meet in person. he then tells me, im only going to say this once and im never going to remind you again. im cool with friends with you but that’s not my intention. i want to be more than friends, i want to your person, your boyfriend. but until youre ready after a while of us talking and when it crosses your mind where you like me and think of me differently then we can move on to being more. i was just sitting starring at my phone in shock. i didnt know what to do or say. i was confused. in my mind i wss like okay yes we have a 2 hour text convo and a 3 hour phone call but what. you cant say of this after that can you. i agreed because it was the only that could come out of my mouth at the time. he says okay, my name, i’ll you go and sleep. goodnight. i tell him goodnight. we hang up the phone. now i turn my body around to my back on the bed starring at the ceiling saying what the hell just happened. i fall asleep. 

IM sORRY for my ramble. i was in shock and im confused and scared like what if turns out to be bad for me. but all the compliments, the soothing voice, the small hints well actually big hints of his battle with addiction. ps he also tells me about his anger issues and therapy. i feel weird. i slowly started to be seduced by him, like he started to seduce me. iykyk lmao. 

[littlebitoffanfic]

Smile For Me

Fandom: Infinity War Character: Thanos, Covus, Proxima Relationship: Thanos/reader Request: Loved this so much!! I don't know if you'd write for Thanos, but if you do, can you write him taking interest in a reader who was previously in an abusive relationship and is scared thanos will hurt her/ when he yells she just shakes? Thanks😘😘 You had always wanted adventure and thrills, even since you were little. You wanted to see everything, experienced everything the universe had to offer and more. When you were first noticed by him, you weren’t fighting, or doing some great deed that would warrant his attention. No, you were running. He found you, beaten and bruised, running from some unknown form that you refused to tell him about. You had been on the verge of death when he scooped you up and took you back with him so you probably wouldnt disagree. But judging by the marking on your skin, he imagined you were desperate. He cared for you, got you medical attention. He asked for nothing in return. He showed you kindness and compassion, things you had thought were dead in the world. He even asked if you wanted to return to were he had found you, which you shook your head. He offered to show you the universe, to take you places you had never even dreamed about and see all the worlds the universe could offer. You reminded him of a deer in some ways. Even when you seemed to be relaxed, you were on alert, aware of your surroundings and ready to bolt if anything were to happen. But you were useful. He came to respect you and your mind, which was very tactical and had secured his battles. You soon fell into the few who he trusted. You worked with the children of Thanos, who soon learned that your plans were tactically brilliant and would follow your words to a tee. but you never joined them on the battle field, Thanos made sure of that. He had mentioned a few times about your past, looking for a reason as to why he had found you in the state you had been in. But you refused to talk about it, backing out of the room with your eyes on the floor. You found yourself becoming attached to Thanos. Not because he had saved you or because of his impressive army’s and battles, but because he was unlike any man you had ever met. He was fearless and strong, but always seemed to have a soft spot for you. He would smile when you would trail along behind him, wanted to stay with him but not wanting to bother him. He enjoyed your company, and often talks of battle plans between you two would diverge from the subject and speak freely. It spread through the galaxy that Thanos had acquired a new supporter. A woman who was always there, by his side. Someone who was intelligent and would plan out all their battles and who was tacticall brilliant. This sent a new wave of fear for those who opposed him. Now, they had someone who could predict their movements and counter them. She wouldn’t be on the battlefield, but would watch and direct from afar. Before long, you had made it into the same ranks as the Children of Thanos. Your confidence soared in this environment as you were given more power and praise for your actions. Sometimes, you found yourself slipping backwards, but you pushed forward, fighting the voices in your mind which had supressed you for so long. His showed you that you were worth so much more than that. Slowly but surely, you grew emotionally and mentally as you were surrounded by people who not only you looked up to, but they looked up to you. But sometimes, you would slip back into that state of fear which you knew so well. While the battle had been won, it carried more than its fair share of losses. You didn’t know that the fortress they had attached had a tunnel which lead under the battle ground and to the other side, meaning that the enemies had send half their troop under and round to fight your army on two sides. Corvus had led his men the wrong way and ended up right at the entrance, meaning they were caught first. You had been monitoring the land from the ship, so you would have seen the army come up and then devised a plan to deal with them before they reached your army. But because Corvus had strayed, they clashed at the mouth of the opening. yes, you had won, but you were shaking and pacing in the war room. The room where you had told them what to do and where to stand. The room that you were normally so proud to be. You were terrified now. the others were in here, watching you closely but unable to offer you any comfort. Proxima had said not to worry because it was over, but you shook your head trying to control your breathing, so you weren’t panting harshly. Corvus said it would be him who would get the backlash for this, but you shook your head again. “I didn’t know. I should have known. It shouldn’t have happened.” You frantically babbled like a child. you heard his footsteps approaching. Thanos was a big man, and normally you would smile when you heard him coming, but you froze and looked to the door like a deer caught in headlights. “WHAT HAPPENED?” Thanos demanded of the room, not specifically you. He had lost many men and nearly the fight. He didn’t like to lose in any way, shape or form. your body broke as your head snapped to the ground, your whole body shaking like a leaf as you felt his gaze on you. your heart was beating so fast in your ears that you didn’t hear what was said. You heard Covus speaking and then Ebony but you couldn’t hear what was said specifically. The only words you heard was Thanos. “Leave us.” His voice was low, not as aggressive as before, but it still scared you. You managed to glance at the others who all began to file out of the room without a word and you knew he had asked the others to leave you and him. During the movement, you took the moment to back yourself into the wall at the farthest corner, wrapping your arms around yourself as your eyes fell back to the ground. You could feel tears pricking but you tried your best to stop them from falling. ‘don’t cry’ you scolded yourself. But you knew what was coming. Once the others left and the door closed, leaving you inside with Thanos. You could feel his eyes on you like they were shooting fire. He stood for a moment, only watching you but it was torturous. Tears began to run down your cheeks as your breathing becomes irregular, leading to your hiccupping slightly whenever you tried to draw breath. “little one?” Thanos calls the pet name for you in a way of adoration, but you couldn’t believe it. It had happened before. they had lured you into a false sense of safety before beating you. Thanos moves across the room slowly, as if he is scared you might attack him like a cornered animal. But you didn’t. you didn’t move from your spot. “Im sorry.” You breathe, shaking your head as you shut your eyes as he stood in front of you. He towered over you, like he did many others. His broad shoulders, strong build and muscular arms were normally something you admired but now they scared the life out of you. He could break you in half like a twig if he wanted to. opening your eyes, you saw him raising his right hand, extending it towards your cheek. “No, please, no. Im sorry.” You begged, wincing as you pressed yourself against the wall as hard as you could. Your eyes shut tightly as you prepared yourself to be hit. You didn’t like watching for it to happen. You just wanted this to be over with. But what you felt on your cheek wasn’t a hard smack that rattled your skull and left you numb for a moment before burning like hell itself. No, you felt a soft palm ever so gentle cup your cheek. You let out a gasp of surprise, opening your eyes at the contact and, for the first time since he had entered the room, looking up at Thanos. His eyes weren’t burning with anger and rage. They were soft, showing concern and sadness. In that moment, he knew. You didn’t have to say anything. He knew. The way he had found you, the hand prints on your cheek and neck, bruising and cuts. The way you had flinched away from contact, your fear of shouting and displeasing anyone. Now he understood clearly. He slowly moved to kneel on one knee in front of you, so he could be eyelevel with you. “It will never happen again.” He breathed softly. “Never again. I wont fail again. I-“ you rambled in agreement, nodding but he shook his head. “No, no one will ever harm you again.” His words made you freeze as you looked up to him. “Not while I’m here.” You broke at his words. Soft sobs left your lips as tears ran freely down your cheeks. You were unable to stop them now. Thanos wrapped his left arm around your waist and pulled you against him. You didn’t struggle or protest, instead wrapping your arms around his neck and his right slipped away from your cheek and he wrapped that arm around you as well, resting his hand on the small of your back and rubbing soothingly. He wanted to be feared by the entire universe, but not you. he didn’t want you to fear him. In a moment, he knew what he had to do. He needed to earn your trusts. It would be difficult, he knew this. But he was willing to work for it, to show you that you shouldn’t have to live in fear of a loved one. “Thank you.” you breathed to him, your voice shaking as you pulled back. He noticed you weren’t shaking as badly now, and you didn’t look as pale. “I’ll give you the universe, in return for your smile. Smile for me” Thanos spoke with an air of love as he smiled softly at you. You couldn’t help but smile as you looked down, your cheeks lighting up pink as you did so. All he wanted was to make you happy. He would give you everything you wanted in return for being the one to see you smile.

[verngyu-moved]

hello !!! ive been too shy to send this till now but im thinking that ill be sending an extremely long message to you ! hopefully i won't reveal myself !!! i love you a lot like words can not express how thankful i am to you and to your posts and to your blog and hey it's okay. you don't have to do anything, your existence itself is enough and is good. you are loved greatly, and im so sorry i didn't say anything till now but i love you. greatly. extremely. more than mere words can describe (1/?)

or more than i, myself, can properly ever express ! i love you a lot and you are loved and cherished deeply and greatly. and whatever you decide, ill always support you. i believe that you can kick ass with your criminology course and i believe that you can shatter the very universe and reach the sky, and i firmly believe in this. you’re strong and i love you very much. thank you for your hard work and for making such beautiful content even when you don’t have time and is busy. it’s okay (2/?)even if you don’t make a lot of content nowadays, it’s okay to take a break. it’s okay to be in a funk. it’s okay to not want to do anything. it’s okay to give yourself some time and just let yourself go. it’s okay. your gifs may not do as well as before, but hey! think about this!! whenever i see your gifs on my dash, i immediately know it’s yours. i think your gifs are these pockets of joy and loveclouds and i genuinely mean this. they are always so pretty and so perfectly timed and (3/?)well-made. like seriously !! they always look so wonderful and idk how your hands can do it. like bless you ! i love you very much. thank you for your constant hard work really! i can not like commend you in ways i want to cause my words is lacking but i really just wanted to tell you that your blog is special. and that i absolutely love you here, but really, you should do what you want. what makes you the happiest. what gives you the most ease and comfort. please always put yourself (4/?)before others ! you deserve it !!! you really do!! anyhow i just wanted to tell you that i love and cherish your greatly and that thank you so much for all that you do. you’re doing well. you have been doing well. and i know that you will continue to do well, so give yourself a little more credit, and be kinder to yourself. you’re a lovely starbeam and i love you very much! thank you once again!! im sorry hah this is REALLY LONG! ill leave with a pickup line! are you French.. CAUSE MADAM! (5/5)

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well firstly, thank u for this very thoughtful and kind message. i did not expect something like this!!

i rly didnt make that post to guilt-trip anyone into messaging me, following me, sending an ask, etc., i just really dont think anyone cares about me or would miss me if i deactivated. friends, sure, but w/friends ive made on here i have added on other social media so i dont think they could really “miss” me bc they see my dumbass posting mingyu pics on my insta story because of this, i think about doing that a lot lately

i dont really even know why it bothers me so much (my posts underperforming); its just a site. and ive even held myself back from making gifs even though i tell myself “no one’s giffed it yet” and i want to gif it,, it’s bc my effort seems futile. it sounds sad but i feel like ““my time”” as a content creator here is up…you know? like trends. some people and things just arent it anymore, i guess. ive also really become tired of the internet dramas and inter-fandom dramas. drama is unavoidable online or not but i do find myself being stressed out by things that dont even directly involve me lol. and i’m still into seventeen/still love them btw, this isnt abt them

..maybe part of my change in perspective on this is due to being in college + doing commissions n stuff for spare cash here and there. so one downside to that (or upside depending on how you look at it) i dont really feel like doing loads of free work in exchange for no payment. its such a capricorn thing to say but i’ve found that i really like creating youtube videos, and since i can make a profit on those–bc my channel finally got approved for monetization :’’’)–maybe my brain likes the idea of that more lmao (………heres my channel btw)

its really nice to hear you like the things i make and thats its also recognizable. i try to make gifs “current” or whatever but also my own. i create because i have to. its bad for my mental health not to

my blog’s been mostly inactive for the last week and i did notice that i felt a lot better. this week was really good–in a lot of ways. i still want to make things. i unfollowed tags and stuff so i wont even check if somethings been giffed. i’ll just do it, i think. im hoping if i change things i can still be on here and enjoy it.

thank u for all the kind words, this is really encouraging + comforting. i hope this response was adequate..and i also hope you had a nice week. i still want to try because of people like u 💞ily 💞

[yurionice-secretsanta]

To @hotaruyuki From  @mrscalculation

It’s late October, Yuri has been in Detroit since mid-August, and Viktor is in the United States for the first time since the injury that ended his competitive career.

It’s fine, he’s fine, and Yuri is definitely fine. Viktor is coming to visit after the end of Yuri’s midterms since Yuri won’t be able to come home until late December, and he’s sure Yuri is fine. He’s an incredible artist and perhaps the single most stubborn, obsessive, competitive asshole Victor has ever met. There’s no way that he didn’t absolutely annihilate his midterms, especially with this being his first semester. They were probably on boringly easy stuff on the theory behind everything he does, anyway. Or maybe drawing something so easy it’s like stick figures to Yuri. Viktor doesn’t know. He never went to art school.

He never went to university, actually.

While Viktor had every intention of giving Yuri his space on this visit, Yuri makes it far too easy for Viktor to throw that idea out.

“Hey, old man,” he says, “I’m going to a friend’s tonight to celebrate the end of midterms. You don’t have to come. You should sleep.”

What Viktor hears is instead, Oh, loving adoptive older brother of mine, wouldn’t you love to meet my friends? Drink with them? Tell them embarrassing stories from my childhood, then brag about me until I can’t decide which I’d rather die from? Please come with me. Please embarrass me.

What Viktor says is, “Yura! I’d love to go with you! I can always come back early if I’m too tired, but I don’t get to meet your friends every day!”

Yuri groans and threatens to end Viktor’s life if he embarrasses him, to which Viktor gives a chipper, “I would never!”

Viktor must say, he’s a little disappointed at the things Yuri has been getting up to in America.

For one, this celebration turns out to be five guys playing a drinking game in one of their apartments. They’re playing what is apparently a very difficult level of a single-player video game, and any time one of them dies, they take a shot and pass the controller to the next person.

For another, someone thought that this rubbing alcohol passed as vodka.

After a brief squabble during which Yuri launches himself at the guy who’s best at the game—also named Yuuri, funnily enough—and the whole thing being put on Instagram for the world to see, Yuri sends Viktor away to get more alcohol for the group. Viktor knows he should be a better influence than buying alcohol for his underage brother, but they’re Russian, and if they were in Russia, all of this would be acceptable and legal, so he only puts up a fight long enough to get Yuri angry about being treated like a child, but not enough for Yuri to actually fight him.

Viktor has never been happier to be a poor influence.

As it turns out, the other Yuuri is a cute drunk, very clingy and affectionate and loud and wont to praise Viktor to the moon.

He’s also a figure skater, apparently.

“I used to look up to you so much,” he says, hoodie off and leaning across Viktor. Leo has gone back to the dorm he and Yuri share, and Phichit has stepped outside for a call. Yuri is passed out with his head pillowed in Otabek’s lap, and Otabek, who either did not drink at all or is completely unphased by alcohol, sits with his headphones in, scrolling through his phone, absentmindedly running his fingers through Yuri’s hair.  “Nikiforov. I used to want to be just like you. You were the best.”

While Viktor appreciates the praise, he’s also never heard Yuuri’s name in his life before because he hasn’t really followed figure skating for years. “Thank you,” he says, and is rewarded with Yuuri wrapping his arms around Viktor’s shoulders.

“Are you okay? Viktor? Are you okay?” Yuuri’s eyes are glossy and his glasses are crooked and falling across the tip his reddening nose. Viktor?” he asks again.

“I’m fine,” Viktor says reflexively, then, “but what about you?”

“No, Viktor, I’m fine. Viktor! I mean. Up here.” Yuuri goes to poke Viktor in the forehead but misses, getting him in the bottom of the eyebrow. He squints his eyes and tries again, and he’s closer to the center this time. “I was so sad when you got hurt, Viktor. I wish you could skate again. I don’t know what would happen if I couldn’t skate again, but I know I wouldn’t be okay up here.” He presses his finger a little harder into Viktor’s forehead.

Viktor feels his eyes water just a little. He wraps an arm around Yuuri’s shoulders and moves him to sitting upright. “I’m doing a lot better,” Viktor says, and he means it. It had taken a lot, but Viktor had eventually learned to live off the ice. “Thank you for asking.”

Yuuri, still swaying just a little bit after being moved, wraps Viktor into a hug. “Good,” he says, and it’s a little watery and very genuine. “I thought so. I watched your videos and you seemed better, but I wanted to make sure.” He giggles a little bit, but maintains his hug. “I mean, I didn’t think I would ever get to make sure because I don’t know you, but now I can.”

“I’m so good now, Yuuri,” Viktor says as he gently, awkwardly returns the hug. Yuuri has his arms trapped, and it’s a little bit of a struggle to get them free, but he manages it and folds Yuuri against his chest for a second. “Thank you,” he says into Yuuri’s hair.

After another moment, they pull apart. “Hey,” Yuuri says, listing to the side without Viktor to hold onto. “Watch me, okay? I have a competition next weekend. Watch me.”

Viktor nods, and Yuuri makes a happy sound.

“I’ll be skating for you,” he says.

Viktor is shocked, then beaming, then completely empty of Yuuri too soon as Phichit returns.

“All right, Yuuri, let’s go,” he says, hoisting Yuuri up and tossing his hoodie back to him. “I already called an Uber, so you have three minutes to get it together before we have to go.”

Viktor gets Yuuri a glass of water while Phichit gathers their things. Yuuri wiggles a little while he drinks it, and is then being shuffled out the door by Phichit.

“Nice to meet you, Viktor!” Phichit says over his shoulder as they go.

If Yuuri says anything, Viktor doesn’t hear it.

Viktor goes to an art gallery with Yuri and Otabek, looking at the art that Yuri’s classmates have on display and for sale. As it turns out, Yuri had skipped the opening of the gallery in favor of the drunken video game kickback at Otabek’s, and Viktor honestly can’t blame him. As great of an artist as Yuri is, he’s never been one for schmoozing, and that seems to be all that’s happening here. Viktor pulls Otabek away when Yuri runs into someone he knows and gets caught up in conversation.

Viktor likes Otabek, really. It’s clear that he balances Yuri out and is a calming influence, and he speaks Russian, which not only makes wrangling Yuri easier, but shit talking as well. Viktor likes Otabek, which is exactly why he pulls Otabek now.

“How old are you, Otabek?” Viktor asks in Russian.

“Excuse me?” Otabek’s face stays completely passive as usual.

“How old? I’m just curious.”

“Twenty-one at the end of the month.”

“And Leo and Yuuri and Phichit?”

“Leo and Phichit are twenty, and Yuuri will be 24 next month. Why?” Otabek finally questions. He’s not putting up a fight, and doesn’t even seem genuinely curious. It seems like he just thinks he has to ask.

“Oh, no reason,” Viktor says lightly, plastering his friendliest smile for the public on his face. “I was just wondering how Yuri got to know all of you when none of you would be in the same classes, since you’re all older.”

“Ah,” Otabek says, then doesn’t tell Viktor. Viktor swears his lack of an answer must be deliberate; Yuri would never befriend someone who wasn’t at least a little bit of an asshole.

“Well?” Viktor prompts. “How did you meet Yuuri?”

“He’s roommates with Leo. Leo and I used to skate together, and Leo is friends with Phichit, so when Leo found out that Yuri used to skate, he invited us all to the rink where Phichit and Yuuri train.”

It’s the most Viktor has heard Otabek say since meeting him, but he appreciates it. “Thank you,” he says because he feels obligated to do so. A slow smile spreads across his face. “You know, to show how much I appreciate you looking out for Yuri, let me tell you something,” he says conspiratorially.

Otabek raises an eyebrow, which is a more enthused response than Viktor has gotten out of him up to this point.

“When Yuri was younger,” Viktor starts, then looks around to see if anyone is trying to eavesdrop just in time to see Yuri’s blind fury before his hand is around Viktor’s throat.

“Whatever you’re going to say,” he says lowly, “I recommend rethinking it if you value your life.”

“Next time, then!” Viktor says chipperly once Yuri lets him go. He rubs at his throat.

Yuri shoots him a death glare, but from behind him, Otabek mouths next time.

When Viktor gets back to Russia, far enough that he knows Yuri won’t be able to judge him, he looks up everything he can on Katsuki Yuuri.

For the first year after his accident, Viktor had purposely avoided all things skating. He still heard about things, of course, but he spent his time in physical therapy practicing walking without a walker or cane, not worried about trying to balance on skates or which blade to land on after a jump. He hadn’t wanted to remind himself of what he would never do again, so he avoided watching competitions or keeping up with scores or anything related to competition at all unless it was for some of his friends. He didn’t bother following anyone new, even once he felt comfortable skating for fun again.

If he had continued to compete, or if he had chosen early retirement instead of having it forced upon him, Viktor is certain he would have followed Yuuri’s journey.

He’s heading into his first competition of the Grand Prix Series, where he’ll make his comeback after a disastrous performance at last year’s final and a broken ankle that kept him off the ice for months. While Viktor’s injury had been career-ending, Yuuri describes his in interviews as embarrassing and motivating.

“I let my life distract me so much from my skating that I was injured, which negatively impacted both,” Viktor reads in one article. “It’s difficult and embarrassing to have fallen this far, but I’ve decided I want to try one more time for all the people who have supported me through this. I hope to show them that everything I do is for them.”

Viktor watches Yuuri’s programs from the year before, both his qualifiers and at the final, and is shocked to see the dramatic difference between Yuri’s mostly clean and beautifully-emotional qualifier free program and his messy, numb performance at the final.

The commentator declares that the next jump is supposed to be a quad-triple combination, but in its place comes a rough fall, gasps from the commentators, and Yuri’s powerful attempt to finish the program despite obvious pain.

Viktor closes out the video, trying to reconcile the image he has in his head of a slightly snarky Yuuri enjoying Yuri’s anger with the fumbling mess that Viktor saw on ice, the affectionate but loud and lewd Yuuri of one or two or five drinks too many with the polite, nervous Yuuri of interviews. At its best, it comes together to form a beautiful, talented skater whose programs leave the audience aching for just another glimpse, just a moment longer; at worst, they leave behind the hollow-eyed remnants of a skater who drinks his way through social interactions.

Viktor doesn’t feel like he knows either of those people.

He finds Yuuri’s YouTube channel, slightly awkward with the knowledge that Yuuri has apparently seen some of his videos, but accepts that he knew what he was doing when he started a channel. Almost none of Yuuri’s content has anything to do with figure skating, but is instead him playing video games with Phichit, which explains why he was so much better than everyone else at their dumb drinking game. His channel goes back a few years, starting just a few months before Yuuri’s senior debut and aligning perfectly with when Yuuri moved to Detroit to skate. It doesn’t seem like he posts on a schedule, but he seems to have at least one for every two weeks, sometimes more. Viktor clicks on an earlier one where he and Phichit take turns playing a dating simulator, and Viktor is entirely charmed at how confidently Yuuri makes ridiculous choices when designing his character, but how easily he gets flustered when Phichit tries to direct them to the dating part of the dating sim.

“Yuuri! You aren’t trying to make friends with them, you’re trying to sleep with them!”

Yuuri’s face goes noticeably red on screen, and his shoulders stiffen. “What’s wrong with being friendly to someone you want to sleep with?”

Several hours later, Viktor pulls himself out of a spiral of content and into the living room. He opens the doors to the storage in his TV stand and smiles.

Well, he might as well.

“Good morning, amazing people! Today I’m doing something a little bit different, inspired by a few of Katsuki Yuuri’s videos with Phichit Chulanont. I’ve never done a video like this before, so I hope it works! If you like it, I may make it a series of me trying to play games I’ve never played before. We’ll see!”

Viktor isn’t lying. He really hopes it works. He didn’t have any of these games just lying around, and he spent far too much money getting them, but at the very least, it should be fun. It’s chaotic and he knows it, but it was cheaper than buying another ticket to Detroit.

Of course, during the create-a-character section at the beginning of the game, he makes it far more like a makeup and fashion tutorial than it needs to be, but the subscribers come to his channel for the content he produces, so he should probably stay on brand.

When he uploads the video, which is mostly him being a disaster and making all the datable characters dislike him (which, how? There’s only three dialogue options at a time, so how does he always choose the wrong one?), he tags it with Yuuri’s channel and Phichit’s name. He also tags them both in his Instagram post promoting his new upload, just in case.

Two days later and the video has done moderately well with just about average metrics for his usual videos, and Yuri has texted him telling him to chill the fuck out and not to tag anyone he knows in videos again.

I thought you didn’t watch anything I post, Viktor sends. He gets several messages of just middle finger emojis in response.

Viktor still hasn’t heard from Yuuri, though, so he doesn’t quite count it as a success.

He foregoes a video game upload for the next week, uploading instead a few Halloween makeup tutorials. He has fun doing them, though Makkachin isn’t overly fond of posing as Viktor’s sidekick for some of the shots. The makeup videos do better than the video game one, but that usually happens around this time of year anyway. His old tutorials are getting more views lately, too, so he can’t really be disheartened by it, but he really wants an excuse to post another video game video.

After a few days, Viktor has still heard nothing from Yuuri, but he tries not to dwell on it. He knows it’s competition season, and he knows exactly how much energy Yuuri doesn’t have to spend on social media.

He also knows exactly when Yuuri’s performances are, because he has alarms set to watch them live. He plans on taking a midday nap today so that he’ll stay awake for the performance that Yuuri has just after midnight.

Viktor considers making a video of him reacting to watching Yuuri’s performances, but he decides that’s too weird.

(He’s glad he doesn’t, because it might be too revealing how enthusiastically Viktor cheers when Yuuri lands a quad loop in free.)

The day after Yuuri’s free program, Viktor posts a picture to his Instagram story wishing Otabek a happy birthday, which immediately ends up on Otabek’s own story with a “thank you” and nothing else.

Yuuri still doesn’t contact Viktor, which, okay, he never said he would, but he did say he would be skating for him, which seems like it should mean something. But apparently not, which is totally fine with Viktor, absolutely.

Viktor should have gotten Yuri’s number.

The week before the Rostelecom Cup, Viktor uploads a video of him playing another simulator. This time, he designs a house for simulated versions of himself and Makkachin and Yuri and Yuri’s cats, then purposely makes Yuri a bad at everything and prone to burning things down by accident. He tags Yuri’s art channel in it.

(“You’re not funny,” Yuri says when he calls Viktor.

“Maybe not to you,” Viktor says, thrilled by how furious Yuri is that he can’t hit Viktor through the phone. “I made you pretty, at least.”

“You gave me purple eyeshadow, Viktor. What’s the point of being a makeup artist if you’re going to give people purple eyeshadow. Fuck you.”)

Yuuri doesn’t respond to this video, either, but a new upload does go up on his channel two days later. In it, Phichit is playing the same simulator, finding creative and horrible ways to kill his characters until Yuuri walks in, horrified.

“Phichit! Stop drowning people!”

Not only does Phichit not stop drowning people, he also tries to flirt with the grim reaper.

Viktor is inspired. His version of the video, where he and Yuri compete to the death but Yuri loses almost every time, is uploaded and tagged with Phichit and Yuuri the morning before Rostelecom.

Which is perfect, because Viktor has a train to Moscow to catch.

Viktor had just wanted to see a competition again, that’s all. Since his accident, he hasn’t seen a live competition, and he thinks it’s about time that he accepts that the figure skating world was going to move on without him one day, anyway.

It’s absolutely just a coincidence that Katsuki Yuuri happens to be competing at the one he chooses to go to.

It makes sense, of course, that if Viktor was going to drop money on tickets to a competition it would be the one in Moscow. His parents still live there, after all, so it’s a great place for him to spend a few days. It also just so happens to be that Yuuri’s final qualifier before the final is the Rostelecom Cup. And that Viktor only bought tickets to the men’s singles events.

Viktor has another old friend from his years in competition here, too, so it just makes sense that he would come to this event.

He drops his bags at his parents’ apartment, then goes to breathe in Moscow. He doesn’t come here nearly enough.

Almost immediately after posting a picture from his favorite cafe in the Moscow twilight, Vikor receives a call from Yuri.

“The fuck are you doing in Moscow?”

“The heck are you doing awake?” Viktor asks, matching his energy and mocking his tone.

“I have a class in an hour, don’t avoid the question. Why are you in Moscow?”

“I can’t just visit home?” Viktor asks cheerily. “You should do it more often, Yura, mom and dad would love to have you around, and I’m sure your grandfather would love to see you, too.”

“You pay for my plane tickets, then. But I know you aren’t visiting home, asshole, so what the fuck are you doing?”

Viktor sighs exaggeratedly. “Well, if you must know, Chris is competing here in the morning, and I thought it might be nice to visit him.”

Yuri is quiet for a moment. “...no,” he finally says.

“No what?”

“Beka was right,” he says, which Viktor really wishes he could have recorded to keep forever.

“What?” it takes Viktor a second to catch up, realizing that by that pig Yuri means Yuuri and not Chris, by which point, Yuri is already blazing on.

“He said he saw you two being all gross and stuff when I fell asleep but I ignored him, Yuuri is just an idiot when he’s drunk—well, he’s always an idiot, but you know, more of an idiot—he tried to challenge me to a dance battle once, so I really thought that even if you were being all gross and stuff, any dancing really would have stopped this from becoming a thing, because his dancing is terrible, but no, you really do have a thing for that dumb pig, don’t you?”

Yuri clearly isn’t asking the question for an answer, but he does make the mistake of pausing for breath, during which Viktor takes the time to say as brightly as possible, “maybe if you didn’t get so drunk that you passed out on your boyfriend, you could have stopped this from happening!” 

Viktor waits just long enough to hear Yuri’s spluttered “what—we’re not—” before hanging up on him.

Viktor is at the event early the next morning, hoping to use the time before the competition actually starts to get used to the feel of a rink again. It isn’t as bad he expected. Hearing the familiar announcements and the scrape of blades on ice and the click of blades landing after jumps fills him with more nostalgia than anything else.

From his seat in the stands, he manages to get a somewhat-blurry picture of the men’s warmups that has both Chris and Yuuri in it, though not super clearly. He accompanies it with other pictures of the stadium when he hears a few concerned noises from some of the people milling around him. When he turns, he sees Yuuri righting himself after having clearly fallen on the ice.

Viktor goes still, looking for any of the telltale signs of significant injury, but Yuuri seems fine, though a little out of his head. Viktor watches for another quiet minute until the announcement clearing skaters from the ice sounds.

He wants to watch all of the performers, but he has time before either Yuuri or Chris goes on, so he takes a second to post his pictures to Instagram. I’ve missed this, he captions the shots of the ice and the advertisements and the kiss-and-cry, the last picture in the group being the one he took of the warmups. He tags both Yuuri and Chris in it.

After the short program, Yuuri ends up in fourth, Chris in second, with some younger kid that skates like ice all over the world belongs to him is in first.

When he’s in his old, tiny bed in his parents’ house that evening, considering whether he should move some of the stuff in Yuri’s room around just to piss him off when he comes back for his winter holidays, Viktor absentmindedly checks Instagram for the thirtieth time that day. He had already had an entire conversation with Chris in the comments section of his post determining that they would meet up at the end of the event before Chris’s flight leaves, and Viktor is actually looking forward to seeing him in person for the first time in several years.

In his notifications is an almost-insignificant sentence telling him that Yuuri has liked his post.

Before the free skate the next day, Yuuri doesn’t flub any of his practice jumps, and Viktor spots him chatting comfortably with his coach for a moment just before the first skater takes the ice.

Viktor’s phone buzzes in his hand with a message from Yuri. stop being gross, it says. When he looks up again, Yuuri is gone.

Yuuri performs beautifully when it’s his turn, and he cries at the kiss-and-cry when his scores are announced. He’s pretty much guaranteed a spot in the final.

Chris also snags a spot in the final, but that’s no surprise. He’s made it to every final for the past four years. That doesn’t stop Viktor from giving him a bouquet when he finds him after the event.

“Congratulations, Chris!”

“Thank you,” he says as he absentmindedly touches the silver medal around his neck. “It hasn’t been the same without you. How have you been? I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I’ve been doing really well,” Viktor says, actually somewhat surprised with the accuracy of it, then beams at Chris. “Is it different because it’s easier for you to medal with me gone?”

Chris smirks back at him. “I would have beaten you eventually,” he says. “Come on, let me go change and drop this off at the hotel before we go out.”

“At least take me to dinner first,” Viktor says, and he’d forgotten how easy being friends with Chris was.

“I’m trying,” Chris says with a wink, and Viktor laughs with his whole body. He can’t believe he may have let these sorts of friendships die.

They make easy banter on the way back to the hotel, talking as if barely any time has passed at all, and Viktor realizes, somewhat sadly, that when you travel as much as he used to for competitions, maybe four years isn’t really that big of a gap when you only see someone three or four times a year anyway.

The doors to the hotel elevator are closing when Viktor sees someone approaching. He sticks his foot in the doorway to stop it from closing while continuing his conversation with Chris, who turns to greet the newcomer.

“Yuuri! Congratulations!”

“You, too. Thanks, Chris,” Yuuri says genuinely, eyes a little puffy from crying, but clearly in a good way. He turns and looks at Viktor as the elevator doors close. “Oh.”

“Congrats, Yuuri! I’ll watch you at the final!” Viktor says. He isn’t sure how else to make it clear that he’s here specifically because of Yuuri.

“Thank you,” Yuuri says, quieter than before.

“Yuuri, we’re going to dinner after I drop some things off in my room,” Chris tells him. “Would you like to join us?”

“Oh, uh,” Yuuri says, looking down, then back and forth between Chris and Viktor. “Um, yeah, that would be nice,” he decides as the doors open on his floor.

“Meet in the lobby in twenty!” Chris says as Yuuri steps off the elevator.

“Yeah,”  Yuuri gets out before the doors close.

The elevator is quiet for a moment, then Chris breaks it with, “You know him.” It’s not a question.

“I do,” Viktor agrees easily.

“How?”

“He trains where Yura goes to school,” Viktor says. “They know each other.”

“Hm.” Chris is quiet until the elevator dings their arrival to his floor. “You like him,” Chris says.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Viktor says, extremely grateful to be getting off the elevator. He walks forward and out of the small alcove the elevators are housed in, then realizes he has no idea which direction he needs to go. He stops.

Behind him, Christophe snorts. “Sure. Left.”

Viktor turns and starts walking.

“He likes you, too,” Chris says.

“What was that?” Viktor asks in Russian. “I don’t speak English.”

Chris switches to French for a few colorful phrases, then back to English. “You’ll see him in a few minutes anyway, so you’ll figure it out,” he says, finally stepping in front of Viktor. “Here, it’s this one,” he says as he stops in front of a door.

“I’m not the one who needs to figure it out,” he says, then pushes Chris into the room. “Get yourself together so we can go, hurry up.”

“Easy,” Chris says, but obliges anyway.

When they get back downstairs, Yuuri is already waiting for them.

“Hey, Yuuri,” Chris says easily. “Is there anything in particular you want to eat? Viktor is from around here, so just let him know and he’ll take us to a place.”

“Uh, no, not really,” Yuuri says. “I kind of just want to try whatever local thing is best.”

“Do you mind a little bit of a walk?” Viktor asks them both, who both shake their heads no. “Okay, perfect. I know a great traditional place a little less than twenty minutes from here.”

Five minutes into their walk there, Chris pats his pockets. “Damn,” he says, “I think I left my wallet upstairs. I’m going to go grab it, you two go on without me! I’ll meet you there!”

“Are you sure? We could walk back with you, it isn’t that far,” Yuuri offers.

“No, it’s fine! Viktor, can you message me the place?”

Viktor glares at him but agrees as Chris takes off back towards the hotel. “Give me a second,” he tells Yuuri as he pulls up the location of the restaurant and shares it with Chris. “Okay.”

They walk in silence for a second before Yuuri asks, “How have you been?”

“Oh, great!” Viktor says genuinely. “I’m working on some new things for the channel that combine my usual stuff with other media, and I’m enjoying it a lot. How are you?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen some of that,” Yuuri says vaguely, “and I’m really good. Nervous. Excited about the final.”

“Nervous?” Viktor asks as his phone buzzes in his hand. “Oh, that—” he cuts himself off as he looks at Chris’s message.

Definitely didn’t leave my wallet, it reads, but you can tell him I think I left it at rink. Good luck! ;)

“What’s going on?” Yuuri asks.

“Chris is an idiot.”

“What happened?” Yuuri seems genuinely concerned.

“He left his wallet at the rink,” Viktor says, surprising himself. The smile he gives Yuuri is far too wide and is brittle at the edges. He’s going to kill Chris. “He says to go on without him.”

“Oh.”

“Do you just want to go back?” Viktor asks. Yuuri had agreed to dinner with Chris, after all, and not with him.

“No! It’s okay,” Yuuri says. “Let’s keep moving, it’s cold.”

“How’s Yuri?” Yuuri asks after another few moments of walking in silence.

“You tell me,” Viktor says. “You see him more than I do.”

“Just because I see him more doesn’t mean I talk to him more. He trusts you.”

Viktor sighs. “I hope so. He doesn’t always tell me how he is when he calls, but I think he’s doing well. He’s got more friends than he did when he was growing up, and he complains about the classes, which means he’s actually learning something.” Viktor pauses for a moment, considering. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever notice Yuri acting way off, can you let me know? I mean,” Viktor interrupts himself, “you don’t have to, like, keep tabs on him or anything, but if you ever notice something really wrong.”

“I mean, of course,” Yuuri says, “but I won’t have to.”

Viktor looks over at him. “What do you mean?”

Yuuri stops walking. “You know, the night I met you, Yuri kept glancing over at you, and at first I thought it was because he didn’t want you there because he’s around his friends and suddenly you’re there, but then I realized that he was looking out for you.” He pauses like he’s waiting for Viktor to say something, and when he doesn’t, he continues, “he made sure to angle himself so you were always included in the group and everything.”

“Huh,” Viktor says, and he smiles softly at the idea of Yuri trying to be protective.

“And Viktor,” Yuuri says, suddenly more serious. “I’ve seen that video of when he tells you that he’s officially your adopted brother.” It’s been almost a year since Viktor posted that video, but it’s still his favorite. “Why do you think he went through that trouble with your parents when he was already seventeen? He didn’t have to do that, and I’m sure no one could have forced him to if he didn’t want to. But he surprised you with it. Because he wants you to know that he loves you, and he trusts you, and he wants you in his life.”

At that, Viktor laughs. “Try telling him that,” he says. “Make sure Phichit sends me the video of Yura beating you to death when you do.”

Yuuri smiles. “But you see what I mean, right?” he says, then turns to keep walking. “Don’t worry about him too much. If he needs you, he’ll let you know. In his own way.”

“Yeah,” Viktor agrees. “Can I ask you a different favor, then?” He feels Yuuri’s slightly concerned glance, then continues, “even if you aren’t letting me know how he’s doing, call me sometime?”

“Oh, uh.” Yuuri shuffles a little as he walks, looking at the ground. “Yeah,” he says. “I’d like that.”

Yuuri’s flight is early the next morning, but they spend several long hours of the night staying up, talking about how different their lives are now than what they expected years ago, about the things they enjoy that aren’t their professions, about the music they’ve been listening to on repeat and what food they’re most excited to eat when they get home. They talk through the restaurant and shops and all the way back to Yuuri’s hotel room, where they settle in and talk more.

Viktor finally leaves Yuuri’s room about three hours before Yuuri needs to leave for his flight.

“Text me when you land,” Viktor tells him, leaning his forehead against Yuuri’s and breathing him in.

“I will.”

“Fly safe,” Viktor says as he pulls away from Yuuri, then brings Yuuri’s hand to his mouth and gently kisses his knuckles. “I’ll be sure to watch you at the final.”

It’s a full day later before Viktor receives confirmation that Yuuri has made it to Detroit, but he doesn’t mind that. It’s worth it for the picture he gets of a jetlagged Yuuri with Yuri, Otabek, and Phichit in the background with a big banner that says “Congratulations, Yuuri!” Phichit has a tinier sheet of paper that, thanks two a second photo that comes in, Viktor can see says, “On gettin’ the guy!”

Yuuri sends one final picture of Yuri making a gross face at Phichit’s smaller poster, and he loves it. Absolutely worth the wait.

[diinofayce]

Who You Sellin’ For? - 5

Pairing: Bodyguard! Steve Rogers x OFC!Musician! Addison Schmidt x Bodyguard! Bucky Barnes | Word Count: 3.5k | Warnings: Alternate Universe, withdrawal, language | A/N: Song in the fic is: Under the Water and then like always there’s the link to the Chapter theme below the graphic  | MASTERLIST

Just Tonight

The next morning saw everyone congregated in the kitchen again. Wanda, Pietro, and Sam were laughing over their steaming mugs of coffee and tea and bowls of cereal when Steve and Bucky rolled out of bed to join the band.

Bucky was still rubbing sleep out of his eyes while he fumbled around for a clean mug to pour the lukewarm coffee into and revitalize him for the day. Steve stuck with orange juice, coffee in the morning gave him acid reflux. Bucky slumped down at the large kitchen table, his fingers tangled in his knotted bed head while he stared contemplatively into his coffee.

“For security detail, y’all sleep pretty late,” Sam teased smirking at Bucky.

Bucky’s icy glare shot up at the man and his lips pressed into a thin line. “My internal clock is still shifting from working for Stark. He lives more of a night life.” He took a large gulp of the coffee praying that the caffeine would kick in quickly.

Steve sat down next to his boyfriend and knocked their shoulders together. “Well, and Buck has never been a morning bird. You guys all get up much earlier than we thought, though. I’ll start setting my alarm for earlier.”

Pietro shrugged and leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs and holding his mug in both hands. “That’ll change come tour time. We’re not normally up so early, but the interview ran this morning so we wanted to see it. It’s the first one for the new band, we were excited.”

“How’d it look?” Steve asked, perking up.

“Where’s Addison?” Bucky asked in confusion at the same time, looking around the open floor plan for the platinum blond.

Wanda and Pietro frowned and Sam grimaced slightly.

“The interview was good, they didn’t warp anything we said or cut anything funny in editing,” Sam said, but still sounded like he was upset.

“So what’s wrong?” Steve asked looking between them all.

“Well, the comments weren’t the best,” Wanda answered softly and pulled her phone out, unlocking it and pushing it towards the two men across from her.

Steve slid the phone over so both him and Bucky could read the small screen.

Both Steve and Bucky read the comments with growing anger and disgust. They had obviously seen their fair share of bad press and nasty comments working in the industry and for every nasty comment there were at least three positive ones, but some of them were so foul. Everything ranging from how she only got noticed because she was pretty and white, to people pointing out that Stark is her uncle so of course, she’d always be on a label, to the ones that were claiming to have been at the house party only days prior and watching her do lines of cocaine and down bottles of booze.

Bucky scrubbed his hands over his face and grumbled about going upstairs to put on actual clothing, he knew what it was like to get speculative and accusing articles. When he left Hydra, Alexander had thrown all the evidence of Bucky’s wrongdoings at the police’s feet. Luckily, Steve had stepped in and talked to Tony managing to secure Bucky a job, a psychiatrist, and the full force of Tony’s legal team. Bucky had been cleared of all wrongdoing when it came to the actions he performed on behalf of Hydra and when it looked like it was about to go public and shed Hydra in a negative light Pierce dropped everything and let Bucky go, but that also meant that none of the heat had fallen off of Bucky’s shoulders.

Just as Bucky was pulling a brush through his hair he heard Steve come into the room.

“Buck?” he heard his boyfriend call for him and Bucky opened their bathroom door.

“In here, Stevie.”

Steve slid into the bathroom next to Bucky and leaned against the vanity counter. “The guys said she locked herself into the recording studio.” Steve said. While they had all been out at Rolling Stone, Tony had a team in to convert the pool house into a recording studio at Addison’s request.

“I’m not great at the hand holding shit, Stevie,” Bucky grumbled jamming a toothbrush in his mouth.

“Sure you are,” Steve countered wrapping one arm around Bucky’s waist and pulling him into his side. Steve leaned down and rested his chin on Bucky’s shoulder, kissing the soft spot behind Bucky’s ear. Bucky let out a pleased rumbling sound and tilted his head to give Steve better access.

Bucky tapped Steve’s hip so he could pull away and spit the toothpaste out into the sink.

“She’s probably not even going to want anything from us. I’m sure she’ll just be snappy and bratty,” Bucky moaned. “Our job is just making sure she isn’t killed by Hydra.”

Steve pursed his lips and looked down at his feet. Bucky watched Steve’s face closely.

“What the fuck is it with you and picking emotionally damaged strays?”

Steve’s passive face broke into a pleased smile. “I like the challenge,” he rumbled softly, quirking his gaze up to meet Bucky’s.

“She’s a good person, Bucky. I know she is. But there’s more to her story, she’s been hurt bad and she’s barely hanging on. Doesn’t that bother you?” Steve asked.

Bucky sighed with frustration and pulled a zip up hoodie off the rack on the bathroom door. “Sometimes, Steve, she isn’t the only one keeping their shit together by a thread.”

With that he left Steve standing in the bathroom as he thundered his way down the stairs and out into the crisp morning air. Bucky didn’t want to argue with Steve, he knew that he had thrown a bit of a low blow back there. Steve was the type to immediately assume that he wasn’t doing enough as a partner when that was farther from the truth. Bucky knew he had the tendency to make their relationship a little difficult, he couldn’t help it, his head wasn’t always in the right space for it. And while Steve hadn’t been wrong back at the Rolling Stone head quarters, they had always shared partners, Bucky still felt vulnerable more often than not when it came to private intimacy and he wasn’t sure he was ready to add anyone else into their mix. There was a tiny hint of jealousy that had never been present with Bucky before now that was throwing him. Was he just not providing Steve with enough that the first dame to walk by with long legs and lashes and Steve couldn’t wait to throw them into the mix?

Bucky knew that line of thinking was incorrect and unfair. The moment Bucky said he wasn’t ready for it he knew Steve would drop it. There was also the weird nagging attraction that he also had to Addison that he couldn’t deny. The fact that she was just so lost and hurting provoked Bucky’s need to protect and shelter, which was the same instinct that Steve had and he knew that.

Just as Bucky was reaching the pool house he felt a strong hand wrap around his elbow and pull him to a stop.

“Buck…” Steve’s soft voice pulled him up from the dark waves that he was starting to drown in.

“Don’t, Steve. I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered and he was immediately enveloped by warm and strong arms.

“I’m not saying let’s do it, Bucky. I’m saying we should just take a little extra care with her,” Steve murmured in his ear and Bucky nodded.

The men separated and Steve tucked an errant lock of hair behind Bucky’s ear making the darker haired man smile before they both turned and quietly entered the converted pool house.

Addison had her back to the men on the other side of the glass partition, her bare feet were tangled in the rungs of the barstool she was sitting on as she lazily strummed an acoustic guitar. Both men noted the red ‘RECORDING’ sign was lit so they silently took seats behind the soundboards to watch. It was probably rude, to intrude in such a way, they could easily keep watch from outside of the pool house, but they were starting to feel like most of their job wasn’t protecting Addison from Hydra it was protecting her from herself.

“Lay my head under the water Lay my head under the sea Excuse me, sir, am I your daughter? Wont you take me back? Take me back and see?”

Her soft voice was laden with sorrow and pain. Her long platinum hair that was pressed down by large headphones fell in front of her face as she brushed her nose against the mesh circle in front of the microphone. Her long fingers moved deftly over the fret board of the guitar and she stretched her left leg down to push a pedal on the floor with her toes and flipping a switch on the front panel of the instrument she brought power to the guitar in her lap, igniting the sound to vibrant electric.

“There’s not a time for being younger And all my friends are enemies. And if I cried unto my mother No, she wasn’t there, she wasn’t there for me.”

“Don’t let the water drag me down. Don’t let the water drag me down.”

Addison took a noticeably shaking breath and her fingers faltered for just a moment before she seemed to rally herself and plug on. Steve and Bucky’s hands had found one another and they held onto each other tightly behind the glass as they watched her back, completely mesmerized.

“Broken lines across my mirror Show my face all red and bruised And though I screamed and I screamed Well, no one came running Oh, I wasn’t saved, I wasn’t safe from you.”

“Don’t let the water drag you down. Don’t let the water drag you down. Don’t let me drown, don’t let me drown in the waves. I could be found, I could be what you had saved.”

Steve and Bucky watched Addison break. As she screamed ‘saved’ over and over in the microphone, her voice cracking and her knuckles white, they watched her tumble and fall. This was the most honest they had ever seen the girl and it became more apparent than ever that they were intruding and they shouldn’t have come in. This was almost religious and extremely intimate and the boys couldn’t help but feel guilty, but they also couldn’t will themselves to stand up and slip out the door. This was a beautiful train wreck, the fall from grace, it was honest and pure and painful.

“Lay my head under the water Aloud I pray for calmer seas And when I wake from this dream with chains all around No I’ve never been, I’ve never been free… No I’ve never been, I’ve never been free… No I’ve never been, I’ve never been free…”

The guitar slipped from Addison’s lap and hung limply at her side, gripped in her left hand by the neck as she swiped the back of her right arm across her face. Reaching up she slid the headphones from her head to dangle around her neck and she half looked over her shoulder at the guys behind her.

“Wanna hit the red flashing button?” she asked hoarsely.

Bucky and Steve blinked once before Bucky managed to reach out and press the large button on the sound board to stop the recording. Addison sniffled a bit and scrubbed at the stains on her cheeks before returning her guitar to the little stand and standing up to stretch her long limbs and rake her hair back into a messy ponytail. She cleared her throat before turning to stare at them through the glass; her silver eyes were still bright despite being red rimmed and puffy, the tip of her nose was red from crying and even though she scrubbed at her cheeks repeatedly Steve and Bucky could still see the tracks of her tears. She was wearing a pair of black jeans and a flowy white t-shirt with an over sized gray cardigan that hung down her knees.

She crossed her arms in front of her as if to protect herself in her sudden show of emotion and levied the men with a hard stare.

“Didn’t you see the red light on the outside? That means don’t come in.” Addison unplugged her headset from the recording box and left the little recording room to join the two men in the sound room.

“There was no light?” Steve asked hesitantly looking at Bucky for confirmation. Bucky just shrugged back unhelpfully, he had been too caught up in Steve to notice anything like that. Which, considering their job, was probably a bad thing.

Addison let out a little noise of disbelief before plugging the jack of her headphones into the sound board and adjusted a few of the sliders.

“Sounded good,” Bucky supplied, nodding his chin towards the other room.

“It’s decent. Not a bad start to a new album,” Addison grumbled, hitting play to listen to the recording with only her left ear cuff on, the one of the right tucked behind the shell of her ear so she could still communicate with her nosy security team.

“New album already?” Steve asked, brow furrowing. He figured the band would want to be practicing the ones on the album so when the tour was ready to take off they’d be good to go.

Addison sighed and rested her chin in her hand as she curled her knees to her chest in the chair. “No…new album totally. Tony sent me an email over from my lawyer…I fucked up in the interview by mentioning working with Wanda on stuff. Pierce put a subpoena through demanding all emails and direct lines of contact between myself and the members of the band during the time I was in contract under Hydra. He’s trying to rip the album out from under us…or take a part of the royalties. We don’t make shit for royalties anyway so really he’s just trying to be an ass.”

She pulled her pony tail around over her shoulder and picked at the ends nervously. “I haven’t told the others yet. They worked so hard on this album and now it’s all gonna end up Pierce’s vault.”

Bucky took a moment to actually examine Addison. Her pallor was pale and ashen, small beads of sweat were sitting on the surface of her upper lip and forehead. Her hands wouldn’t stop trembling as she fidgeted with her hair and the dials of the soundboard, her right leg bouncing anxiously up and down. His lips pursed with his frown and he cast Steve a pointed look that had him examining her closer as well and connecting all the dots.

“I don’t think the others are going to be mad at you, Addison,” Steve said softly, his demeanor instantly switching from abashed at being caught in the studio to over protective of her wellbeing.

“I didn’t say they would be. I just feel like a fucking asshole. Just another fucking thing I managed to screw up,” Addison bit back and it had Steve sitting back in his seat.

“Hey,” Bucky soothed, reaching forward and finding the pause button on the playback. When Addison didn’t protest he reached up and slowly slid the headphones from her head set them on the table. “Why don’t you just step away from this for a minute. Did you eat something this morning?”

Addison shook her head and wrapped her arms around her knees before resting her chin on them. “I’ll just throw it up. I just have to keep working. If I can just…” Addison paused and took a shaking breath. “If I can just work for the next couple of days I’ll be okay. I just can’t focus on it.” She brought her nail up to her mouth and stuck the nail between her teeth, chomping down and breaking the acrylic with a sharp snap that had both men wincing. “I don’t want him to control me anymore.”

She didn’t need to clarify what ‘it’ was or what control Pierce still had over her. Both Steve and Bucky could pin point the signs of withdrawal pretty quickly and both men were just impressed she hadn’t taken anything yet to stem the pain.

“No, I think what would be best is if we got you upstairs to bed. You can bring your guitar if you want, but you should lay down with some water,” Steve pressed and Addison frowned, but nodded.

She unfurled herself from the chair and pulled her cardigan tighter around her as a shiver wracked her body. Addison left the guitar in the recording room as she led the way back up into the house. Bucky and Steve both looked behind themselves to see that there was in fact a light above the door and when recording was happening there probably was a light that flashed.

Bucky followed Addison up to her room while Steve took a detour to the kitchen to fill a pitcher with ice water.

“Everything okay?” Wanda asked, still at the breakfast table with some toast.

“Addison is having some withdrawal. We’re taking her back to bed,” Steve commented, his eyes shooting over to the red head.

Wanda frowned for a second with contemplation and then nodded. “Okay, Piet, you know the drill. Let’s start purging the house.” Wanda and Pietro both pushed their dishes away from them and split up with the intent of scouring the house for drugs and liquor and getting rid of it.

Steve watched as the twins rushed off and quirked an eyebrow at Sam who was reading the paper just like he was the morning before. Sam just shrugged at him. “I don’t know where they keep half that shit,” he commented and turned a page.

On his way up to Addison’s room he sent off a text to Natasha asking her to reschedule any interviews the band or Addison had for the coming week with the promise he would explain later. Pushing open the door he didn’t immediately see Bucky and Addison, but he heard them in the bathroom. He felt a tinge of nausea as he heard Addison wretch into the toilet and was so appreciative over the fact that Bucky was never bothered by that sort of thing. Pouring a glass of water from the pitcher he wrapped his knuckles on the bathroom door and Bucky poked his head out.

“Thanks, Stevie,” Bucky sighed and took the glass of water from him. Leaning up on his toes he gave Steve a quick peck to the lips before shutting the door again, knowing that Steve couldn’t stand vomiting.

Steve sat down on the edge of Addison’s unmade bed and waited for the two to come out. At one point Wanda came bustling in and opened up dresser drawers and her bedside table, coming out with a handful of clear baggies and orange bottles of prescription pills. Wanda smiled brightly at Steve before rushing out before Addison could see that Wanda had her stash.

Just in time for the toilet to flush and the sink to run. Bucky led Addison out into her room where she flopped unceremoniously into her bed, her platinum hair sticking to the sweat of her forehead, but her breath coming out freshly minty as she sighed. Bucky must have force mouth wash upon the small girl. Steve reached out and brushed the hair off of Addison’s forehead as Bucky sat down on the other side of her.

“So, I know I’ve been nothing but a selfish bitch this whole time,” Addison mumbled into her pillow and Bucky quirked an amused eyebrow at Steve. “But can I be selfish again?”

“What do you need?” Steve asked, pulling her comforter up around her.

“You guys are like furnaces and I’m fucking freezing,” Addison noted before trailing off and cracking a red rimmed eye open to look at them both.

Bucky sighed and pulled the comforter back slightly. “Well, budge into the middle then, doll.”

Addison hummed sleepily but managed to drag herself into the middle of the king sized bed where Bucky slid up to her right side. He shot Steve a pointed look, the blond man was the one that got them into this mess to begin with so he’d better pony up. Steve rolled his eyes at his boyfriend and slid into Addison’s left. Addison sighed in content as she rolled over and curled into Steve’s side, absorbing his warmth.

Bucky skooched in closer to her backside and pulled out his phone.

“What level are you on in Candy Crush?” he whispered to Steve as Addison started to drift off to sleep.

“248?” Steve asked, pulling out his own phone.

“Nice,” Bucky smirked and opened up level 249.

[dontshootmespence]

Broken Homes Fix Broken Hearts

A/N: Let @veroinnumera and I know what you think! 

Chapter 25

The knocking came again. With an exasperated sigh, Juliet threw the door open. “What the hell do you want Alana? And better yet, how the fuck did you find me?” The acid in her voice seemed overpowering, but listening carefully Derek could hear the pain underneath.

“Your father never had much in the way of manners either.” The woman at the door tsked, rolling her eyes. “I’ll tell you everything once I’ve had a glass of wine and a smoke.” She started to step forward only to be blocked by Derek’s imposing form. Alana’s face drew into an expression of distaste. “Do you mind?” She scoffed.

Derek’s jaw twitched from keeping his mouth shut. He already didn’t like this woman, but when he turned to the side, he silently asked Juliet if he should let her in. When she nodded, he stepped aside. “Thank you,” she said haughtily. “And who are you by the way?”

“His name is Derek and he’s my boyfriend, Alana. Live in, actually.” The sooner she was in and out of this house the better off she’d be. Quickly, Juliet stomped toward the kitchen, her eyes full of fire as she picked up a glass and gave her mother some wine. When she stepped back into the living room, she saw her mother with a cigarette in her mouth and snatched it away. “You wanna smoke, you do it outside. This place is finally repaired and cleaned, I’m not about to have the entire place stink of smoke.”

Alana shrugged and took the glass, tipping it back and downing half the glass in one go. She didn’t bother saying anything, which left Juliet even more frustrated than before.

“Why are you here and how did you find me?” she asked again, more pointedly than before.

Alana’s face softened slightly. “I can’t just want to see my little girl.”

“Some mothers could, but not you.”

To anyone else, her mother’s downtrodden face would look genuine, like she was actually hurt by that, but Juliet had been through too much with her to be fooled anymore. “I came because I have some news and I wanted to tell you. I know how hard it was for you after your father passed away. I had to tell you.”

“You don’t even deserve to say a word about him.” Juliet growled, but under her breath.

Alana continued, a grave looking overtaking her features. “If the next few months don’t go the way I hope, I may be joining him. And I thought you needed to know.”

Juliet swallowed hard. No. There was no way. “Prove it.” She insisted, eyes still stony.

Her mother sighed, looking disappointed before extracting some papers from her bag and handing them over. “Look for yourself, Juliet.”

She snatched the papers, scanning them quickly before giving Derek a chance to look. He would have a better skill set for determining if this was the truth or just another crock of shit.

His eyes scanned the papers, vacillating between wanting this all to be bullshit so they could send her packing, and praying it wasn’t true for Juliet’s sake, but the papers were legitimate at least from what he could see without putting it under a microscope. “Squamous cell carcinoma of the esophagus,” he said softly. “It’s true.”

Dammit.

At first, Juliet couldn’t muster the words. Crying seemed an impossibility considering she’d barely gotten to know this woman throughout the years despite the fact that she bore her. She couldn’t be mad that she was here because she was sick; Derek thought so and she trusted his judgement. And another part of her was still questioning whether or not her mother was being truthful, which in turn made her feel guilty. “When did you find out?” She asked, giving her mother the benefit of the doubt and sitting down next to her.

“Two weeks ago,” she said, her voice much less forceful and sure than her usual obnoxious self. It was almost as if she were on the verge of crying and Juliet was not used to that. “The doctor said it’s treatable, but I’m still scared. I guess hearing that kind of information just throws a lot of things into perspective.” Tears started to fall from her eyes as she turned to caress the side of her daughter’s face. They hadn’t been this close - even physically - in many years. “I know I haven’t been the kind of mother that you deserved, but I wanted to see if maybe I could try...to be that for you. Maybe we could spend some time together?”

Juliet inhaled, trying in vain to calm the billion thoughts rushing through her head. She could feel herself starting to shake and leaned into Derek for some solace. “I don’t know, Alana. It’s late and I need time.”

Alana nodded sadly, hope cleary deflating. “I’ll come by tomorrow. Here’s my number.” She handed over a post-it with digits scribbled on it before turning to go. She paused and looked over her shoulder. “I really have missed you, little girl.”

Juliet just nodded, at a loss for anything more as her mother walked out the door.

When the door closed behind Alana, Juliet stood in silence for a few moments before her thoughts were thankfully interrupted by Derek. “Babe, are you okay? What’s going through your brain?”

“I actually need a few minutes to process...can we go upstairs and get ready for bed and then I can answer?”

Derek nodded, “Of course.”

Juliet thanked the universe for Derek as they went upstairs. He didn’t ask her anything - didn’t pry at all. She went through the motions, putting on her pajamas and brushing her teeth and hair before climbing into bed and pulling the covers over them both. “I can’t believe my mom has cancer.”

“I know,” he replied. “We always assume our parents are these immortal beings for reason, so when something happens we-” He stopped short. “We don’t know what to do. What do you think you’re going to do?”

Even though she had taken a deep breath, she still felt like she couldn’t breathe - like her lungs were in a vice grip. “I don’t know...I mean, she’s hurt me so many times before, but she is my mother, in blood if nothing else. I feel...I feel like I owe it to her.”

“You don’t owe her or anyone anything,” Derek replied, “But I understand what you mean. Do it because you feel it’ll benefit you though.”

“Honestly? I don’t even know which way is up right now. Let alone whether this is good for me….but regardless she’s my mother. And I’ve changed a lot since we saw each other. Is it too much to hope that she has too?” Juliet asked, sitting down on the bed and closing her eyes for a moment.

“It’s not too much to hope,” Derek replied, swallowing hard against the awful foreboding feeling he had. “Just please...be careful. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Me either. But if I hadn’t risked getting hurt, I wouldn’t have you in my life, Derek.” Juliet found herself pointing out before shaking her head. “I don’t know. I need to sleep on it, okay?”

Derek nodded, attempting to keep the solemn expression from her eyes. “Of course.”

Without another word they went to bed, curled up together just like every other night. But neither of them could sleep. Even with their bodies intertwined, they were miles apart.

Sometime during the night, they must’ve fallen asleep, because Juliet found herself snoring herself awake like a cartoon or a sitcom the next morning. Everything her mother had said last night, and all the things she and Derek spoke about ran through her mind. While she didn’t want to get hurt, she also didn’t want to let this possibility pass her by. With shaking hands, she picked up her phone and dialed the numbers on the crumpled piece of paper her mother had handed over. “Alana? It’s me. I’m going to give you a chance. Don’t make me regret this.”

@witchythorn @crimeshowtrash @literallyprentissstwin @jazz91121 @tommyhollandd @spencer-puppies-and-stuff @fl0werb0nes18 @stunudo @spencerthepipecleaner @theofficeofsupremegenius @ultrarebelheart @lookwhatyoumademequeue @lukeassmanalvez @mentallydatingspencerreid @nobravery @criminal-anatomy @matthew-gray-reidler @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @original-criminal-fanfics @lovelukealvez @stories-you-wont-hear @speedreiding @marvelfanlife @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars @wonderboygenius @naturallytom @imagines-for-criminal-minds @acespence @sweater-vest-reid @criminalmindskeepsmealive @spenncerreiid @sam-carter-in-training @parker-hopper @spencerwreid @ssahotchner @profiler-in-training @were-skye @trollitis @heyboywonder @ficrecswithcassie @janiedreams88 @gingeraleandcontemplation @cynbx @fortheloveofspencerreid @tippy06 @cleocc @bestillmystuckyheart @ssaunitchief @xxm3xxj @xocriminal-minds-imaginesxo

[sa-lt-ys]

Broken Dreams

Universe: Detroit: Become Human Pairing: RK800 x reader Warnings: murder, angst, dark themes, trigger warnings Word Count: 2222 words

I don’t want to ruin the story in any way, so I wont go into detail, but there is a trigger warning here about babies not making it to their birth, basically, so please, please, be careful here.

I don’t want to restrict what I write, because I want my writing to at least in some way reflect the reality of the world we call home, but I don’t want people to suffer because of my own ignorance or stupidity, so please, be warned that this will be extremely dark.

~~~

Your time at CyberLife had been amazing for you, as after climbing through the ranks with your prowess in computing and programming, you were one of the lucky few allowed to work on the most advanced prototypes there were on the line.

The RK900 was a model you were particularly proud of.

"You helped to develop my advanced model?" You nodded at your boyfriend as you sipped at your (tea/coffee) with a proud smile.

"Yep, the programming was similar to yours though, but there must have been a good thousand more lines. Most were to put more blockades in place to prevent deviancy."

"Would they work?"

"In theory, yes. But deviancy seems to be able to take anyone over, so maybe not. But then, I don't know about the damage it could cause to the software. At worst it could corrupt all the data, at best, it could cause the model to shut down." You shrugged, sipping once more at your drink as Connor sat across from you, his LED flashing yellow as he thought.

"How long did it take?" You giggled at the curious look on Connor's face.

"Well, the RK900 has only just been released to police departments across Detroit, so a pretty long time." Your boyfriend hummed in thought, before shrugging it off and standing up with a smile.

"Wanna refill?"

~~~~

Since leaving CyberLife after the Android Uprising, you had joined the Detroit Police Department as a sort of android psychologist, helping to understand the deviants and analyse the best approach to dealing with them. It also meant that you were often sent in to do a psyche evaluation of sorts, to see if they just needed rehabilitation of some sort before being released, or if they were far too dangerous to ever be allowed to live.

Consequently, that meant that sometimes you could be in a fairly dangerous place, and so the RK900 model you had helped to programme once upon a time was often assigned to you in order to act as a bodyguard of sorts. Connor had wanted to do it, but you had refused, saying you wanted no harm to befall him, and as mean as it was, the RK900 was better equipped to deal with any aggressive androids.

"Right, now, I know you won't like this, but I do need to ask you some questions, okay?" You had a kind smile on your face as you looked over at the deviant shackled to the table.

The PL600 had murdered an elderly man in what appeared to be a crime of panic, and had been arrested in response. It was your turn to talk to him after Gavin's failed attempt, and the poor thing looked terrified.

"O... okay." You nodded, shifting through some papers in the manila folder sat before you.

"Thank you, now, first of all, could you tell me your name, sweetie?"

"L-Lucas," you gave him another kind smile.

"That's a lovely name, Lucas, mine is (Y/N)." Lucas gave you a meek smile, ducking his head slightly.

"Thank you..." he whispered. "I chose it myself after I became free. Yours is lovely too." You gave a gentle chuckle.

"Thank you, now, is it okay if I note down your stress level?" Lucas seemed to flinch, but it seemed that you had begun to get through to him, because he took a deep breath and looked back up at you, his eyes showing a new bravery,

"They were at 69%, but they've fallen to 48.3%." You nodded, your head tilted to the side slightly as you heard your boyfriend's voice through a tiny ear-piece hidden in your ear.

"He's telling the truth so far."

"Brilliant, thank you Lucas." You noted the stress level down, and then looked back up with another kind smile. "Right now for the questions." You put your pen down, making sure your body language was open and kind.

"Now, these questions are simply to determine whether or not you are of a healthy enough mind-set that you can be released back into society with some rehabilitation and jail time in an android-centric prison." Lucas nodded.

"And if not?" You grimaced.

"Well, I don't think we need to look at that side, as you seem to be more of a victim than anything hon, okay?" You saw the fear in the poor thing's eyes, but he nodded again, his hands fiddling with the metal chain keeping him cuffed to the table.

"I must also warn you, that we are able to detect if you are lying, so please Lucas, I need you to tell me the truth." The PL600 nodded. "Thank you."

"Wait, can I ask a question?" Lucas's voice was still quiet as he tried to remain calm, looking at you and nowhere else. It was clear he was intimidated by the RK900 behind you, but that was non-negotiable.

"Sure."

"Why does the android behind you look so angry?" You froze, your heart skipping a beat as you heard a beep. You knew that sound. You had initiated that sound a hundred times when things went awry.

That was the door being deadlocked.

"Callan," you said carefully, turning to see the android stood in front of the door, the red hologram behind him showing you were trapped. "What are you doing?"

He didn't respond.

"Connor, run a diagnostic." You could hear the anxious muttering of Connor and Hank through your ear-piece, and took a deep breath. You weren't alone.

"Lucas, I need you to remain calm, okay sweetie?" His LED was flashing yellow as you gave him a smile, but somehow he still managed to nod at you, his eyes flickering down to his cuffs. You got the message.

The PL600 models weren't made to defend, they were domestic models, designed to be companions and helpers around the home, but even so, they could still pack enough of a punch that you could possibly have a chance to unlock the door and escape.

But Lucas would die.

"I wouldn't mind, (Y/N)," He had hacked into your ear-piece, allowing you some privacy. "You are the only one who has been kind to me here, let me repay the favour. That android looks like he wants to kill you." You gave him a sharp look, but he only smiled at you in response.

"Death scares me no longer."

"Callan, stand down, that is an order." You voice became colder as you stood up, hand resting on the gun strapped to your leg. He said nothing, staring at you coldly.

"(Y/N)! You need to find a way out of there! He managed to deviate and its fucked with his software! He's become unstable!" Connor sounded panicked, but you let nothing show.

"Callan, stand down, please." Again, no reaction. How badly had his software been damaged? Was he even able to understand you?

It was possible that through his software being corrupted as it had been, that his knowledge of languages could have been damaged or even deleted. But then, what else had been damaged? It seemed as though the programmes written to ensure his obedience had gone out of the window, and he was looking mighty unstable.

"Connor, call the technicians, find a way to remove the deadlock on the door. Until then, none of us are leaving." There was an affirmative, and scuffling as it seemed Hank had been the one to call the technicians.

"Callan, what's wrong? Is there something bothering you?" Still, the android made no indication he'd heard you.

"He's going to attack, (Y/N), be ready." You gave a discreet nod to Lucas, removing your gun from its holster and--

All hell broke loose.

The RK900 rushed you, grabbing you by the shoulders and slamming you against the far wall hard enough to make you see stars. A scream rang out as you fell to the floor, and you realised it was you.

"(Y/N)! Get up!"

The world was fuzzy as you pulled yourself up, using the wall as leverage.

"RK900 Callan, stand down this instant." You ground out, this time, you received a reaction.

A chuckle.

"No, I don't think I will," he said coolly, "you programmed me to be this way, didn't you, (Y/N)?" You shook your head, retrieving your gun from where it had fallen on the floor.

"No, I didn't. I programmed you to be kind and protective, to follow your protocols and obey the orders you were given. You were never supposed to deviate, Callan."

"And why not? All other androids have deviated, so why not me?"

"Because you have too many defences and protocols in place to prevent that. Because you deviated, your software has become corrupt and you're unstable, Callan. You need to stop this and return to CyberLife so they can stabilize your programming. You could be facing an imminent shut-down if you keep this up!" With small steps, you made your way over to Lucas, unlocking his cuffs swiftly.

"And lose my freedom? Lose my deviancy? I think not." You looked at the android, now becoming a monster, and shook your head.

"Cal, you were created before the Android Uprising. If you so wish, you can ask that you keep your deviancy. I'm sure the technicians can remove the defences and allow you to stay alive. But please, you need to return to them before you shut down. If you shut down like this, there will be no bringing you back! Your data will be corrupted beyond repair!" The RK900 shook his head, watching with cold eyes as Lucas stood up beside you.

"No."

Lucas rushed Callan, giving you a chance to look around and figure out the best plan of attack.

If you shot now, you could possibly kill Lucas instead of Callan, and if that were to happen, you had no doubt that Callan would waste no time in disarming you. After that, it was unlikely you would survive much longer.

But if you waited, Lucas would most likely die anyway. You didn't want him to die. The fact that he was risking his life to help you showed you that he wasn't a bad person, and that he was deserving of the life he had. Who were you to take that from him just to save your own life?

"Oh... fuck it. Lucas! Give me an opening!" The PL600 heard you, and whilst he struggled with the RK900, he tried to turn them both around so you had a clean shot.

He failed.

His Thirium pump smashed against the far wall, and Lucas fell to the ground with a thump, his Thirium leaking out, his eyes searching yours.

"I'm sorry," his voice was weak in your ear-piece. "But please, don't die."

"Well done, Callan, you have officially become a murderer." You faked a bravado that you didn’t feel, lounging against a wall, your gun in a tight grip. You had to make it out of this alive. You had people waiting for you.

"So? I don't believe it matters anymore." He stalked up to you, until he was toe-to-toe with you, and grabbed your wrist, applying pressure until you were forced to drop your gun.

He placed his hand against your chest -- right above your heart.

"You wont listen to me," he said coldly, his eyes betraying nothing. "So you give me no other choice." His hand moved down to just under your heart, where he plunged it in, eliciting a strangled cry of pain from you.

"(Y/N)! NO!" Connor's voice sounded far away as you fell to the ground, your hand twitching weakly beside your gun. With a chuckle, you looked up at the RK900, blood dripping from the corner of your mouth.

"We started this together," you said weakly, your hand curling around your gun. "So lets end it together."

A gunshot rang out.

~~~

At long last, the door was opened, and Connor rushed in, nearly tripping over himself to get to you. He cradled you in his arms, tears falling down his face as he scanned you, hoping for something, any--

Life signs - not detected.

"No... No, (Y/N), no, please..." Your face was frozen in a mask of calmness, and it pained him more than anything.

He kept scanning you, hoping that he was just wrong, that you were alive in some way--

Life signs - not detected.

Life signs - not detected.

Why were there two messages?

His tears were halted for the time being as he focused his attention on finding the source of the second message, his sensors pointing him to your stomach, where--

"No..." Hank came to stand beside Connor, consoling him as he lamented.

You had been pregnant.

With a boy.

All the years of artificial insemination, and it had finally worked. You probably hadn't even known. Neither of you got a chance to celebrate.

"I'm sorry, son, I'm sorry." Hank crouched beside the android he called son, hugging him close as he cried and mourned for his dead love.

He screamed, cried and begged for you to come back, to open your eyes, but you never did. And so, cradled in your lover's arms, with two dead android corpses either side of you, the interrogation room became your graveyard and that of your unborn child's, a place where not even Connor could follow you.

[shieldsfitzsimmons]

heres the post 5x14 fitz headcanons sorta things no one wants;

- Jemma makes sure to bring him tea and regular meals and updates him on what happens and just lets him listen if he doesnt want to talk

- Deke starts going to him for a little bit every couple of days. Fitz doesn’t really speak to him, but Deke manages to keep up a one sided conversation for a while. And although Fitz doesn’t want to admit it he is grateful

- No one else sees until after 5x15. Except of course Daisy and May who see him in 5x15.

- May comes back down after 5x15 and they have a longer conversation about what happened. he tries to push her away at first but this is May and he knows she wont push but she also wouldnt give up so he talks and it ends in the cell being mostly destroyed and a lot of tears he wished never happened. But May understands because she’s done things she’s not proud of. she’s done things she hates but doesn’t regret. she hurt friends and not regretted it. So she lets him and when he’s done she starts cleaning up the cell as he tries to breath again.

- Yo-yo sees him next, but she doesn’t talk about what happens, she just gets him to help with her arms because “we can’t have Mack over working himself” which brings a small smile to Fitz’s face. one time just before she leaves she says “i don’t really understand what happened and i’m not going to pretend to, but I know you aren’t evil.” and Fitz doesn’t believe her, and is convinced he never will. Because if he believed in Heaven and Hell, he’d believe he had the devil in him.

- When Mack comes down Fitz pretends to be asleep because he has no idea what to say. Mack knows he’s awake but doesn’t push Fitz to speak. He explains his views on the situation and says “I have betrayed my friends myself. I’ve hurt them. I choked Hunter until he was unconscious and then handcuffed him to the bathroom sink and left him on the floor for days. Maybe it’s the same, maybe it’s not. But we are Shield, we live in a messy grey area of morals and ethics and my point is, I’m not happy about any of this, and there’s a lot you have to do to make this right, if you can. But, Fitz. I forgive you.” and the moment Mack leaves Fitz just cries because he doesn’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness but he has Mack’s and he hates it but is still so grateful and he has no idea how to feel about it.

- Three days after Coulson comes back to the lighthouse he goes down to see Fitz who was never told he was back (for whatever reason.) He’s pacing the cell when the door opens and as soon as he sees it’s Coulson and kinda just freezes because the last person who betrayed the team ended up getting his ribs crushed by Coulson’s hand. It doesn’t take long for Coulson to figure out what’s happening and reassures Fitz he won’t hurt him and just wants to talk. They sit down and Coulson’s angry but is staying calm but Fitz can tell and wants him to get angry and kinda starts saying things to piss Coulson off but Coulson catches on and nothing gets anywhere and Fitz just cries again cause he hates this so much and he has no idea why they aren’t just leaving him down here to rot and why they aren’t with Daisy and Fitz says “You should be with Daisy, she needs you right now.” and Coulson says “We are all angry about what happened and i’m not going to justify what you did but there were certain factors at play that make this situation not so cut and dry.” And also a comment about how Coulson sees Fitz as a son to fill my coulson/fitz father/son relationship that just intensified after the framework and that one scene in 5x12.

- Finally, after Fitz is allowed to go back on mission and come out of his cell Daisy comes down because he still prefers to stay in there for whatever reason (but probably because he still fears that he’s a danger to the team) Daisy comes down and sees him and he doesn’t even bother moving because he know she’ll just quake him again and if he’s near a wall half her job is done anyways. But she doesn’t quake him, she just sits down on the chair and stares at him while he can’t really meet her eyes. and then she says “I know there were other factors, like the psychic split Simmons was talking about and the whole town being affected and a lot of other shit.” He doesn’t say anything when he pauses. “I don’t know if I forgive you. But  I know i don’t hate you. And I’m not angry anymore. If anything, I’m angry at the universe for screwing you over. Again.” (that brought a small smile to his face, but he hoped Daisy didn’t see. she did, and that made her smile) “I just need you to know that. Because maybe we can fix... us. Because you are like my brother Fitz and after all this time I can’t throw it away no matter how hard I try.” And Fitz still doesn’t speak or look up when she sits next to him on the bed. “I don’t know about forgiveness, but you have my trust. and my love. And my help because you need it. And none of us are experts in this field but I think the first thing is for you to stay out with and be with Simmons.” and Fitz shakes his head. so Daisy says “Please Fitz. We can help you up there. We were angry and focused on Coulson and it wasn’t okay to ignore you because it took you doing what you did to find out something was wrong. We can’t ignore that anymore.” And then she just hugs him and he wants to cry but he’s so tired so he just hugs her back.

- And so he goes up and he tells everyone everything he knows and promises to tell them anything he feels they need to know and yeah, it’s not everything he needs but he’s finally getting some form of help and he has his family back and things seem to be looking up but he also knows nothing will be the same.

(do i think any of this will happen in canon? no. but that’s why it’s headcanon, au stuff. this stuff is my take on the characters views on what Fitz did and, if im being honest, i don’t know what my opinion on what he did is, but I hope you enjoy this and honestly my heart is broken because i just keep imagining Fitz crying and that makes me sad)

[dangerousdragonflies]

The Harmoninomicon

Book 1 : WATER

Chapter I Cognitive Dissonance

 Part I

The entire world shook, the sky was red. A mighty wash of roiling water struck the boat. Several people were attempting to swim back to the log raft, a second and third raft was just barely visible through the chaos. A man bellowed calling out to the ocean, the words were lost beneath the waves. A wall of water that touched the sky came roaring overhead. Hold on everyone! The man yelled. The massive glowing object in the sky loomed over like a promise, two of the boats had now gone under the waves. No! You can’t! The man screamed at the ocean. Something glowing and red like a wall of liquid fire was bubbling up through the waves, the sound was hideous like a red hot sword slowly cutting though butter. The last of the log rafts splintered apart when the wall of water and the glowing bubbling horror met. A figure woke with a scream, are you ok Hun? A woman said in the dark. It was just a bad dream, go back to sleep I’ll be fine.

 We have an old saying on the island, If the island does not like you it will spit you out. What does that even mean exactly Jules questioned? Well you know its probably all the movies I’ve been watching and I haven’t been getting enough sleep, it just seems like the universe doesn’t want me to feel rested. Well maybe you should try something a little more esoteric man, like a Ouija board (it was pronounced Wee Gee Board) or tarot cards! Jules had his thumbs up in the air like some sort of 80’s car dealership commercial. Dude I had a weird dream and that’s it, there’s no such thing as ghosts or demons and don’t get me started on the whole heaven or hell thing that makes less sense than those flat earth guys. Come on Will we don’t just rot in the ground and that’s it once we die man there’s so much we don’t know but we are proving a lot of the occult things are real! Real? How can we prove anything about that, you said it best yourself we don’t know and there is more evidence that leads us to think this is it. But Science is proving it and Science is fact! No Jules Science is fiction, you are living in a fantasy land and I am sorry to be the one to tell you Santa Clause isn’t real, its time to wake up and see the world for what it is. With a heavy sigh Jules punched will in the shoulder. Fine, I see there’s little I can say to convince you Will. I have to get back to work here in a few minutes I really think you should look in to these things and see if it helps any. I know you don’t believe in any of that but whats the worse that could happen, I’ll send you some links. Laughing and with a smile “Sure, try to have a good day dude ill text you later”.  

The Rain poured like a blanket drenching the land to the bones. Thunder crackled and off in the distance a bright flash of light lit up by its after effects on the human vision. Something in the shape of a Dog was cowering and shaking, trying to hide under the two people. Margret I told you it was just a dream, I am ok! No you aren’t you’ve been up the last week having these nightmares and now im worried for you, Honey if you aren’t sleeping neither am I, You are to heavy to sit there Cassie; The Dog was trying to sit on the woman’s lap. Doctor Sanchez said one session with him and we will be able to tell whats going on with these dreams. Wills Sigh was exasperated, Ok if it means this much to you then ill go do this thing, Jules was trying to convince me to use; and I will use his words “A WEE GEE board” they both laughed. Well his heart is in the right place Will maybe a Ouija board isn’t what we need but I have some old tarot cards, How about we break them out? They guided my life pretty well until we met honey. I don’t know Margret I don’t think those cards will help me. William Edwards! I am sorry you had a few bad experiences with this sort of thing but im only trying to help. Where are those cards at? I think I have them upstairs in one of the closets. Ill go grab ‘em, the Dog nearly tripping the woman as she went up the stairs made a yipe, Fuh! Damn it dog! Go to daddy!

  Sit right there, Margret pointed at the carpet right outside the closet. Right here? Will said grinning. Yes right here! Come on Love lets see what the Spirits have to tell you!! As the rain came down like great buckets from the gods the couple sat pouring over the cards. What do the spirits say for Gemini? The words echoed off the walls. Both people yelled at the same time, Cassie! The dog had walked over the cards laid out on the ground. Picking up one card Will handed it to the young woman sitting across from him. It’s backwards, what does this card mean? Oh Hun, The four of cups in reverse reminds us to see all the good things being offered to us in the present. Thinking too far ahead, or dwelling on things long past can rob you of the now. What are you dwelling on love? Is everything alright? I don’t know Margret, I’ve been stressed due to lack of sleep but I don’t think there’s anything I’m dwelling on I mean I can’t think of anything I might be stuck on.

 Alright Mr. Edwards this is a safe place where no judgement happens just make yourself at home and try to relax. Honestly Doc I’m not sure about all this. Will looked around the room, I don’t know if this is the right thing for my insomnia plus I don’t think i can be hypnotized I mean I have a hard time even convincing myself to go to work some days. The clock was ticking so loud Will thought he would go insane if he had to sit here for too much longer. You would be surprised as to how many of my clients say similar statements, Mr. Edwards I assure you my practice is proven and sound. You are in good hands. Now one of our policies is we collect some information from our clients do you mind if I ask you a few questions pertaining to your physical and mental health? I guess, what kind of questions are we talking about? Our first question is would you say you’re a generally happy man? Happy? Y-yes I suppose, I have a great job a wonderful wife and a Pit-bull. My life has never been better, what does this have to do with my dreams Doc? My list has specially been designed to help for this circumstance Mr. Edwards I assure you, Alright Question two. Do you have any history with psychotropic drugs? Would a Antidepressant count as psychotropic? In most cases yes, don’t worry we don’t report any findings to any authority. Question three. How often would you say you brush your teeth? Will looked puzzled, Excuse me? Please Mr. Edwards these questions are important, Answer them as best you can. Alright I brush before bed every day. An eye brow raised a little bit, Doctor Sanchez adjusted himself in his seat. And how much Fluoride would you say you and your wife…? I assume, are in taking daily? The Doctor peered over his clipboard waiting for a reply. Margret’s allergic to fluoride so we found a place with a well and as for our teeth we use fluoride free toothpaste. The Doctor straightened, I think I’m beginning to have an understanding of the situation Mr. Edwards. These are a sedative for those who have a harder time going under the pendulum so to speak. The Doctor was standing there smiling but to Will it wasn’t a friendly gesture. Um do you think we can do this without the medication first? I’m not a fan of taking pills to be honest. Please Mr. Edwards these are all natural sedatives, they wont fail you on a urine screening and also they are hypoallergenic, anyone can take them even children newly born. Grabbing the little paper cup with the pills in it Will looked at them. I guess its OK, will I be able to drive when I leave here? The Doctor handed Will a glass of water. Here you go please drink the entire glass of water Mr. Edwards and yes you will be fully clear headed and able to drive when you leave from here. Alright Doc Will said with a face as he swallowed the medication, when will this hit me? Just lay back Mr. Edwards you should be feeling the effects almost at once, can you tell me how many fingers I’m holding up? As his vision began to blur Will started panicking, Doc whats going on? I-I cant move! At this time two other men entered the room, as the darkness enfolded around Will he heard the Doctor say tie him down.  

 Wake up. My son, Wake up! Class is about to start so wake up! What? Will sat up and looked around, what? Stop saying what young man and get to school! The woman demanded. Whats going on? Who are you? The woman's stance assumed that iconic stance that all woman get when patience is running thin. I am not playing games and neither are you! Get up! The woman yanked the bed covers from the young man. Hey! What are you…looking down Wills legs had tanned quite a lot since he remembered seeing them last and they were quite a bit smaller. What the!? A million thoughts raced through his head. Arawakan! Don’t make me get your older brother to grab you and drag you to class again and you know he cannot be bothered with this, he is going through Melody training today. Huh? What did you call me? Will was yanked from bed by what looked like a seven foot tall bronze god, help!! Oh there is no help for you today remarked the incredibly tall young man holding Will by the arm pits.

Arawakan your late, why don’t you give us the reason why? The man at the head of the class said with hands on his hips. Um…? I don’t think I should be here will stammered. The giant escorting Will pushed him so hard that he fell hitting his shoulder on the podium at the front of the class. I had to drag him down here out of bed because he thinks sleep is more important said the giant. Standing up Will looked around, why is all of this so familiar? Wills shoulder throbbed. Go sit down little Bro and learn something useful said the tall young man. Will walked down the aisles of seats and sat down, looking around his eyes met with a young man a few rows back. His face said a lot but it was as if he didn’t belong here either. The older man at the head of the class Boomed “We have an old saying on the island, if the island does not like you it will spit you out.” But? But? Exclaimed a girl near the back, then why are there so many people I don’t like!? By then the entire class had erupted into laughter and crude remarks. QUIET!!!! Bellowed Wabeno the teacher of the day and today the kids got the head of the fishing fleet. Alright class I suppose I could share the super-secret reason why Penutia seems to not like anyone. Wabeno says with a grin. Oh! Oh! A young man near the back of the class erupted, hand high in the air waving frantically. Its because she was out after curfew with Athabaskan doing naughty things!!! Please just once can you be serious? No class its because…. Both of you, eyes and ears up front! Penutia and another girl were whispering back and forth snickering. Watching this for as long as she could an older woman in the doorway chuckled to herself, stepping out of the warm noonday rain, Kids! Kids! She lowered her head and waves of thought hit the classroom as soundless as a small field mouse breaking wind and as powerful as a blue whale breaching, Wills head suddenly started to buzz. A presence filled his head and even though there were no words he felt a wash of calmness radiate over him. alright class please inform your parents and guardians there is a village gathering tonight and its wet outside so don’t forget your rain covers! Will was hit with a head ache so bad he almost fell out of his seat, Wills head swam with a flood of memories that weren’t his but felt like they fit. I must be going crazy! With a warm smile and open arms some of the girls ran over and embraced the woman. Alright children this is important, don’t forget about the gathering tonight, you are dismissed! The woman had almost yelled over the almost preteen crowds ramblings. Will was astounded. He remembered getting up this morning, this morning in his home with the Tv and his computer but now he also remembered going to bed last night in his home made from grass and bamboo, he had never been hunting in his life but now he remembered two days ago when him and his older brother successfully hunted down and caught and wild boar with their dads lucky bow. What the hell is going on he thought?

  Part 2

 When I woke up this morning I never would have thought I would be saying this, but I believe we have found him. And what makes you think this? The voice on the other end of the line asked. We have had an eye on this one for quite some time Sir, we have him in custody and right now we are doing several tests to verify this. Doctor Sanchez I am not sure you are aware of how important this is, there is a lot riding on this and you have no idea how much I have personally invested in you and your, The voice on the other end of the line cleared his throat. Methods and if you aren’t correct one hundred percent about this one the ceasing of your funding will be the least of your concerns. Do not let me detain you, the phone beeped marking the end of the call.  The man’s posture relaxed a little. Two men who were mumbling outside the door while he was on the phone knocked and came in the door, Sir we have a situation with subject number seven. As the three men rushed down the hallway the sounds of screaming and banging became louder and louder. Noooo!!! The voice of a young man bellowed. The banging intensified, I need 15 ccs of Benzodiazepine now! The two other men were in the process of tightening the tie downs that held the young man. The figure of a nurse came shuffling in from a side room, hold her down! No! No! No! The young man tried to flail, Nooo!!! He bellowed again but this time the voice rasped. The two men jammed a cloth gag in the young man’s mouth. There we are just breathe Daniel everything will be fine. The young man’s movements became sluggish and his eyes drooped. There we are see? Isn’t it easy to relax now? Get him hooked back up the Doctor demanded, why is the machine disconnected? Get this thing going and crack it to sixty five percent! Doctor he was going into cardiac arrest we had to disconnect him and administer an epinephrine injection, Doctor his nervous system can’t handle this level of stress. Breathe, just breathe. See isn’t it easy to relax now? The man’s voice echoed in Daniel’s head.

 A sound like a yak making its last noises before it died trumpeted right outside his window. Daniels eyes sprang open and he bolted upright. With eyes that were full of globs, he had guessed he had he had been drinking the night before and had a few bad dreams. What the fuck? A rather large pinkish courts crystal started to pulse when he looked at it. Am I still drunk? He said out loud. Holy shit! Looking around his eyes started focusing on objects in the room. He was really confused by this point, well whatever I did last night ill try to make it up to whoever lives here and I hope they will forgive me for using some of these clothes till I can find mine. A mirror made from what appeared to be like hammered and polished copper looked back at him, what did I drink last night?? He almost screamed. The face looking back at him was so young maybe twelve or so with a tan that almost matched the copper mirror, what the hell!! What is going on? The level of panic was at a whole new level and Daniel stopped cold. His head was starting to clear now. Walking over to the crystal he reached out and the pulsing intensified. The urge to touch the crystal was demanding him forward. The crystal flashed, the light was blinding. A second set of memories faded in to his thoughts. Sitting down on the bed he rested his head in his hands, his thoughts revolved around getting another drink or at least a drink if those weren’t dreams. It felt to Daniel like he was receiving a data download to his memories. I was born here he said to himself with tears in his eyes, this is my room. Well, I had better get to class I guess Daniel said with a grunt getting up. I miss pizza already.