#i wonder if i can make my new blog an admin? does tumblr still do that?

[cornappreciation]

oh god i forgot about this account

[sakura-haruka]

Mike aka captainpoe is talking shit about me so let me get things straight.

He’s gonna do screenshots of what will makes him look like the victim, like he always does so you will have to believe me on my words (since I coun’t found our conversations by pm) but most people who know me or I've been following me for a long time know that I usually stay out of the drama. Big thanks to my friends for telling me what he was doing behind my back like the adult he is.

3 years ago Mike started following me, I was back then a small blog and I thought “wow a big blog is following me!”

He started to talk me and really fast told me to send him my edits by messages and I did! he also reblogged me on his mcu blog (and his sw blog too... I think).

I was really stressed with a big exam around July and I became obsess with EVERYTHING, I was a true pain in the ass to everyone. I’m not gonna lie. So yeah I also became obsess with my Tumblr notes, I did gifs to relax but it was not working very well back then. my behavior was childish and I apologized to him after! 

(He accused me of wanting to be reblogged on his sideblogs, it’s true, but it’s natural to me to reblog everything that people send me or tag me in on my sideblogs, I sincerely don’t understand people problem with reblogging on sideblogs things ).

When he got harassed on here, more like called out (it was actually around the same time I was a dick)  he asked me to take his defense and to reblog a post he made, he was basically whining about how he was the victim and never harassed anyone, he sent me messaged telling me that he was a married man in florida and never did anything against the once upon a time fandom, wasn’t homophobic and meh meh meh... Back then I believed him because he was the nice guy who was helping me getting notes in the MCU fandom. He used me, after talking to other members I realized that I wasn’t alone. 

I WANT TO APOLOGIES TO THE POEPLE I DIDN’T BELIEVED BACK THEN. I KNOW WHO HE IS NOW. 

He started being aggressive but nothing worriedly when TLJ came around, it was a real little thing but I wasn't shipping Rey x poe and I felt like it was problem for him that I wasn’t shipping them. I didn't thought too much about it but still, it left a bad taste in my mouth, I wasn’t talking a lot to him after that.

When I had problems and got hate on my blog he didn't do shit to help me. 

I was still sending me my edits because... Notes. I can’t lie about that, like every  creators here I want my edits to get notes. 

I think we haven’t talked for a verrrry long time, I was sending my edits that’s it. 

Last year he asked me to join my GOT blog, after all the reblog he did for me I thought It would be really bitchy to me to not add him as a member. But I also noted that it was funny how he joined both the B99 and the GOT fandom once he realized that it was very popular. 

He did edits on the blog so no problem at all, until s8 ended. I’m like everybody, I hated that season but when someone join my sideblogs, especially my got one, I am very clear about the no hate rule (I had problems with that on this blog before). But he thought that since he was popular he could do what he wanted, I deleted the two first he reblogged, one of them was calling people to harass D&D and I hate what they did but as someone who has been victim of bullying at school and still suffer from that I was disgusted by what he posted but I haven’t told him anything since he’s really popular and I didn’t want to create any drama... I have a life so I  finally forgot about it. 

My laptop broke and gosh, I really understood who he was at that moment! I sent a messages to all the members of my sideblogs asking them to keep the blogs active while I can’t, normal stuff for an admin. I had my tablet with no photoshop... spidey got “fired” and like a lot of other people I thought about that scene in iw where Tony told him “you’re an avenger now”, lucky me I have already made that gifset before so I took my tablet and just reposted my own gifset, it took me so long because I had to convert it back to gif format because of Tumblr... Anyway, later he sent me a message accusing me of having copied him and I haven’t seen his gifset so told him exactly that. He then accused me of doing that ALL THE TIME with endgame and I told him “listen bro we’re both using the same 30 seconds YouTube clips that marvel gave us”, like 20 other people (they were not a lot of people because that channel was weirdly unknown), it’s true that I was doing them after him but it’s just because I have a life and cannot always do gif, I make them when I have time. He also basically told me that I must be rich for having replaced my laptop that fast, I haven’t, I was using my tablet but even if I did replace my laptop, mêle toi de ton cul ( I have no English expression coming to me ).

I really understood who he was then. 

He totally stopped making edits for my got blog, because it stopped trending so it wasn’t interesting him anymore. 

a few months past and I think the only thing he told me is that he was scared of clowns... Literally. 

And then the BIG ONE, I know he was a douche but omg. Mike asked me to reblog ALL his posts on a sideblog I'm only a member of. He told me that the admin have blocked him because she was shipping reylo and well reylos hate him because he’s posting shit on them , they were a huge misunderstanding then (because i’m French and I may not have explained myself right) , I told him that I wouldn’t reblog him if the admin didn’t want to see his posts on the blog, he was blocked! and I was, at the same time, talking to another member of this blog who is a close friend of the admin and she agreed with me. he was very insisting and I told him that the admin was checking what we add to the queue and would certainly delete his posts, it was the big misunderstanding that could have hurt the admin of the blog, I just meant I know she checks what’s happening because she told me when I don’t tag a post with the right tags, it’s just what a good admin (unlike myself) does. I also told him that it was a new blog with “only” 14k followers, he must have something like 50K followers sooooo, and that his edits were getting 100K notes, more than anybody here. He became... I have no words to describe that. He told me that it was a dictatorship if I couldn’t reblog what I wanted, and that I should leave the blog, I stopped answering pretty fast after that. 

 In our last conversation I was vulgar. (it’s in the post he sent to my friends), he really need to get over it, I’m French and from Normandie : I am vulgar! wtf. It’s also the last thing he ever posted on my game of thrones blog. It was a Sunday either two days after after the last star wars movie came out or ten days ( I don’t remember if he waited a week or not) but he reblogged a text post from his blog sending hate toward the writers of both got and sw and spoiled the entire Star Wars movie on my game of thrones blog, which was “the drop of water that caused the vase to bleed” like annoy me all you want but when people goes on my got blog they don’t want to be spoiled, it was so rude and mean and that post had nothing to do there and it was at least the third time so I told him to “fucking stop” and since mr thinks he is the king he went all “you can’t talk to me like that” “I'm an adult” meh meh meh. I told him to never go in France ‘cause he wouldn't like us. And it was the last time we spoke.  Nothing to do directly with me but I would never do what he does to get notes, that man he’s ready to use any big events such as pride or women’s day to get notes. I do make edits for those events too but I'm actually a bisexual woman and not an heterosexual man and I really don’t think he’s doing those edits to show his support to those movements but just to get notes, this year he did the same thing with blm movement I thought it was disrespectful at best, he even made the famous “I we burn you burn with us” gifset  from the movie and no, just stop dude.  Making that gifset of Naya before she was even found was awful, a lot of people are doing gifs to feel better about things but I don’t think it would have came to anybody else mind to have it ready in their draft. It actually make me think of myself because after they died I made a gifset of Carrie Fisher and Stan Lee  and in my head  it was a tribute but now that I think back about it I wouldn’t make gifset when people dies anymore, I said it once again but in my head it was a tribute to those wonderful people life and work.  I did to feel people and myself a little better in those situations but it didn’t makes me feel better. I thought about it even more, especially for Carrie, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Billie and losing my mom is the worst thing that could happen to me. You can say that, at the end, Mike makes me realize something. 

He has been calling out for his behavior but instead of facing it like an adult he just want to take people down instead of him, I'm one of them and I certainly won’t be the only one.  it’s someone who doesn’t know how to face the consequences of his behavior and still think he’s untouchable, me and one of my friend said that he thought he was the king of Tumblr and I sincerely think that in his head he is. 

Sorry for the grammar I'm French and it’s almost 4 am so I'm gonna check the grammar tomorrow. 

[transcendentcacophony]

Thinking about Posts and Tumblr

So I responded to an earlier post from @kalesims in the comments. I probably should have reblogged it so I didn't have to break up my response which may have made it less than useful (and potentially read to mean the opposite of what I meant), but I also wanted to move a bit beyond the initial prompt with this longer one. I have not posted much Sims stuff in awhile. Part of this is because school and work demands are eating so much of my time right now1, part of this that ongoing pursuit of perfection we all seem to have to some extent on social media, and part of it is because I may have dumped my entire CC folder into my game without sorting it properly and now it runs like rubbish and I have to fix it. Regardless, I'm going to focus on issue #2 the ongoing pursuit of perfection, because I think this is the most relevant bit and the one I've been thinking a lot about lately. Tumblr is a social media platform. (This bit is a little academic, sorry.) I think we all know that, but do we ever really think about what that means? It's ultimately a company that provides a public-facing platform with the explicit intent of marketing ourselves to each other. More likes and followers for you=more ads and money for Tumblr, but they have to incentivize that for any of us to care. How do they do that? Make it a popularity contest. How often do you look at your likes or followers count? What emotional response do you have when they're low? How many creators incentivize new followers or more likes by releasing content to correlate with milestones in those areas? This is all part of feeding that beast2. It also draws on something referred to academically as the "hedonic treadmill," which is basically the keeping up with the Joneses mentality where we constantly compare our success to our peers and find ourselves wanting, even if we aren't. This is going somewhere, I promise.

When I first started Tumblr, I had one blog: transcendentcacophony. I started it explicitly to follow sims blogs I liked and keep track of the cc I downloaded or things that caught my attention, and my initial posts all reflected that. After I was on for a while, I realized most blogs compartmentalized to a certain degree: you have a blog for gameplay, a blog for cc finds, a blog for interest x, etc., so, not being particularly versed in these things, I thought "This is how you tumble!" and immediately set about creating sideblogs like transcendentcacophonyinspire, transcendentcacophonys3cc, or transcendentcacophonystudyblr. I went through my entire archive, moved everything over to its new home, and deleted the original posts and reblogs from this page. Does that mean I think having all the sideblogs is wrong? Nope. The organization of having sideblogs is sometimes helpful, but they they make me feel kind of fractured on some level. None of these provide an image of a whole person, just brief glimpses of an aspect. Sometimes I regret having split the off, other times I find it more convenient. Mileage may vary, but the obvious winner for the sideblog model is arguably Tumblr. None of my blogs have many followers, but there isn't as much overlap in audience as you might think and if they were all still one blog, I doubt there'd be as many as there are.

This raises the question of who you intend your blog to be for. Is it for Tumblr, so they can keep making that sweet sweet ad revenue? Is it for the online audience? Or is it for you? Who do you see as your primary audience? The structure of social media clearly wants us to say everyone else. "You're here for the likes! The followers! The popularity!" Other companies lean in to this as well. How many followers do you have to have to qualify as an EA Game Changer?

I would argue that it's this pressure to have all likes, followers, etc., that prohibit us from posting what we really want to post. Are you posting the things that actually make you happy? Or are you posting the things that you think an audience wants to see?

Learning anything takes a lot of practice. How many times did you fall off before you learned to ride a bike? How many broken and malformed pots do you make before you get a perfect one? We learn by doing. Waiting for that perfect screenshot or getting reshade just right or having the perfect city in CAW keeps us from posting our broken pots. Maybe we need to post more broken pots.

If something makes us happy, does it need to be perfect, or do we love it anyway? "This is my first pot! It sucks, but I made it! Finishing it alone is an accomplishment! It's mine and I'm learning and I want to show that process so we can all get better together!" Shouldn't our screenshots or gameplay or worldbuilding be the same?

I am building a world in CAW. I've been doing it for quite awhile, and I have an entire folder full of broken pots as a result, but I learned something every time I broke one. When I read CAW forums, I learn more from the ones where things don't work than from ones where they do. I post some of my broken pots, and simmers like @nilxis or @murfeelee are so supportive and helpful and give me tips on how to better and fix issues I'm having. I value that part of this community. I don't learn to do better by not showing off my broken pots.

I know some of my interests are pretty niche. I'm building an alien scifi world, I have conversion projects from games that support that but probably won't be useful to mainstream simmers. I made a series of alien moons in conjunction with simblu, who is now deactivated. These are arguably not things that will get a lot of likes, reblogs, or followers, but they are things that make me happy. Kurt Vonnegut once said when he wrote books, he always wrote with only 2 people in mind: himself and his sister. His goal was that at the very least he would like what he wrote, and a few of the books were written with her in mind, and if anyone else liked it, it was just gravy. I can’t say I’m a fan of the man’s writing, but I kind of like the idea of this mentality.

To that end, I think I'm going to change up how I use this blog moving forward, with the express goal of posting more often and with more emphasis on things that make me happy or show off more of my broken pots. Maybe it will cost me followers, maybe it won't, but it will help me carve this little niche out of the internet that is mine, that makes me happy, and that seeks to support the simmers and other community members3 that have been so supportive of me in the past. If just one or two people get something from it, or are entertained, isn’t that still just as valid?

I don't mean to imply in any way that posting what makes you happy can't make you popular, or gain likes and followers. It's very much possible. Vonnegut wrote his books for himself and he published 14 novels, three short story collections, five plays, and five nonfiction works, complete with film adaptations of several, literary prizes, etc. You can be successful doing what you love.

But I don't know that I need to be successful at it. I want to be happy doing it first, and anything outside of that is gravy. I'm going to post more broken pots and worry less about perfection or "doing it right." I'm going to fall off the bike and get back up and keep going. And maybe, by falling and failing, I'll get better or at least good enough or comfortable enough I'm not worried so much about that quest for perfection that is currently prohibiting me from trying.

Anyways, @kalesims, I don't know if that answers the original question you had. But I'd love to see what you post, be it gameplay, screenshots, cc, etc., really whatever floats your boat, moving forward. And, if you're willing, I'd love to learn by doing together. Let's go break some pots.

1 Whoever decided the best way to avoid outbreaks on campus was to just cancel all breaks and holidays over the last year clearly doesn't understand college students (who very much are still having parties and making up their own breaks) or that the reason we have those breaks is for mental health. Fall break was specifically added to reduce suicide rates among graduate students. And admin wonders why everyone hates them... 2 There's a researcher who looks at social media as a neoliberal marketplace that forces us to monetize ourselves without necessarily allowing us to realize that's what we're doing. She's got a book coming out about it next month if anyone is interested: Pain Generation: Social Media, Feminist Activism, and the Neoliberal Self(ie)

3I have in no way forgotten you, @piyotan, and you are definitely part of my online community, this was just targeted largely at simming.

[squarecarousel]

Challenge 144: 10 Years, Looking Forward: A-Frame Studio Life Buckle up-- this is a long one! Wow, ten years. It’s hard to believe a whole decade has passed since Square Carousel began, and since I graduated college. In some ways, it feels like another lifetime, and in others, it feels vastly shorter than the decade before that, from ages 12 to 22. Time is fascinating that way. College was such an incredibly impactful time period, but just a measly 4 years-- I could have done college 2.5 more times back-to-back in the years since I graduated, but somehow those four, from 2007-2011 were monumental.  It’s hard to believe I’ll be in a post-college world without Square Carousel, since the group has been a constant in my life these last ten years. I’m really proud that we made it this far and are able to choose to end the journey, rather than it fizzling out or dying from lack of interest. Sometimes it felt like that might happen, but other times it felt like we were blooming. There have been many ups and downs over the course of this journey. And damn, it was a lot of hard to work to keep running, but I am so grateful for the learning experience. I know so much more about leadership now than I ever would have before-- the delicate balance of having rules to keep the group running (deadlines, participation requirements, our dreaded “strike system”) and keeping up morale (knowing when to forgive slip-ups, keeping challenges sufficiently entertaining and well...challenging, making sure the group feels like it’s a community). Elizabeth and I were reluctant leaders, just naturally having to take those roles as other original members of the group left and were replaced by folks who needed guidance. We definitely didn’t seek it out, but we knew that if the group were to stay alive, we had to put some structure into the system. Pretty early on we made our rules and guidelines, extended the challenges to 3 weeks from just 2, and worked on our visual image online. Our awesome logo was made by former member Casey Crisenbery, and we switched from Wordpress to Tumblr, purchasing a URL, and Casey using special code for custom organization on the site. Sketch critiques were now a halfway point through our 3 weeks-long challenge, which helped a lot with the community aspect and engagement. We started doing interviews for each member, reaching out to other illustration groups, blogs and submission sites and had our work featured on a few of them. Some of us even got jobs from the connections made through Square Carousel!  There was a bad stretch several years ago when I wasn’t sure we’d make it through, with toxic behavior and a few folks petitioning for removing deadlines and structure, making everything optional. One thing I can tell you with certainty after ten years of working with artists is that 95% of us require deadlines to do anything, and incentives/obligations for meeting those deadlines, or it just isn’t going to happen! Elizabeth and I, along with a few other solid members, were able to keep the structure we’d worked hard to create, but the toxic culture had already killed group morale and we lost a lot of members simultaneously. That was a sad and scary time for Square Carousel, but I didn’t want to go out on a sour note. So the small group of us picked the pieces back up again, did a little refocus on our goals as a collective and created an “Admin” so Elizabeth and I didn’t have to carry the entire burden alone. I am forever grateful to Sayada and Jordan for stepping up into these roles to help us get the train back on track. Sayada especially picked up a lot of responsibilities that a newer member shouldn’t have to worry about, and was a total rockstar for Square Carousel. I wish we’d had her with us for the whole ride. I’m so happy that we’ve had a few really great years with some really loyal and talented artists to round out the experience at Year Ten.  There is nobody I’m more thankful for than my Good Cop, Elizabeth, though. She was so reliable, always able to provide balance in our leadership roles, and such a wonderful shoulder to cry on when things got too stressful. Elizabeth, thank you for this journey and for being my SC Wife all these years! It’s so funny because of all the original members, you were one of the only ones I hadn’t really known from SCAD classes, yet you’re the SCAD Illustration friend I have remained most connected to most consistently. Nothing bonds you quite like running an illustration collective does! It also cracks me up that in all these years, we hadn’t ever facetimed or talked on the phone until a few months ago--I didn’t even know your mannerisms or voice, but knew you so well anyway. My greatest internet friend! I love you dearly and it truly won’t feel right, the absence of our weekly SC conversations. Thank you for all of the memories! As just a member and artist, this group has helped me grow so much professionally. It was my client when I didn’t have clients. It was my motivation to paint when I didn’t feel creative. It was my source of portfolio-worthy work, but also my safe place to experiment and fail when I was trying something new. The girl who started as a Square Carousel member freshly graduated in 2011 was working part-time at Urban Outfitters, had basically no money, and no clue how to promote herself. The “studio” was a corner of the bedroom and nobody took her seriously. But a stubborn dedication and the security, purpose and structure of Square Carousel helped the slow change from that lost girl to a full-time freelancing woman. Now, in 2021, I have been doing freelance illustration fully for six years, through contract jobs, editorial, publishing, advertising, commission and local work, as well as selling prints and products online, in local shops and events. I am not making the big bucks, certainly, and I still have goals I’m working towards, but damn, if that isn’t a glow-up, I don’t know what is. Thank you for helping me achieve my impossible dream, Square Carousel, and always being a place with the right amount of advice, support and critique. Ten years, 34 artist interviews, 38 artists, and 144 challenges. I’m the only member to have completed every single one. 144 illustrations through the years. Some were game-changers for my style and my portfolio. Some were total stinkers and I hope you don’t go looking for them. But all were an important step in my career.   So, in ten more years? I’ll be 42 years old, which is very weird because I have never imagined myself that old before... it’s hard to honestly say what that would look like, especially considering the world we are currently living in and how the last 4/5 years have proven that anything (awful) can happen. Jordan and I have a goal to move to Colorado in the next 4 or 5 years, and I’d love to have a little A-Frame in the mountains with a loft studio, shown in my illustration here. Texas has become extremely problematic, especially after the winter storm in February of this year, and will be impacted greatly by climate change, both environmentally and economically. Right now, Austin is still booming, but at some point the lack of foresight in this state’s government is going to screw over the residents and it will be one of the places from which climate refugees run. Is that tomorrow? No, obviously not. But I want to already be settled someplace more stable, having grown some roots, before other folks start to roll in. But, to be able to do that, I need to rely less on my local jobs and connections and be able to have an “anywhere career.” So right now I am focusing on expanding in that way, particularly with book cover illustration and design. I’ve been doing a lot of portfolio work and self-publishing jobs, and hope to get an agent that can shop my work to big-time publishers sometime in the next year or two. Let’s say I succeed at all of those things in five years-- we’re in our Colorado A-Frame, I’m illustrating book covers (and I’ve also convinced my parents to come with me, and maybe a couple friends!). The next five years after that? I don’t know... hopefully a lot of adventures. Hopefully a lot of cool jobs, but also a lot of work/life balance. Right now, I don’t want kids, so the A-Frame will be filled with cats. Maybe we’ll have an old camper van for regular road trips around the western National Parks. I’d love for my work to reflect those passions-- more jobs with outdoor brands, parks, organizations. More book covers for stuff I’d personally love to read and keep on my overflowing shelf. That’s the vague goal for me in ten years, but I don’t want to plan any further than that, because life just also needs to happen the way it’s going to happen. There are parts of my current life I planned for in 2011... and there are parts I never, ever would have guessed. I hope there’s some fun surprises in 2031, too. Thanks for the decade, Square Carousel. Joining illustration collectives will always be the first bit of advice I give fresh graduates. Caitlin

[fanfiction-builds-character]

WELCOME!

I’ve been writing my whole life. I have formal and informal training, and all along the way I have been collecting exercises, tweaking existing and developing my own exercises to improve. I’ve always used fanfiction as one big exercise as a way to get better.  I was writing fanfiction before I knew what it was because I loved the different kind of creativity.  I was eleven, it was Star Wars, and it was something, but I definitely caught the bug.

I tried to go the patreon route with this last year, and it was bold of me to think I could make, maintain and keep a rigorous schedule amidst all the unpredictable depression spikes, and I ended up taking it down.  There were a few people that really loved the exercises and insights, and it’s been bothering me that they’re not getting them now.  I made some nice connections, so I decided to make a Tumblr for it where the pressure is off to stick to a specific schedule and I could just share.  I think it’s more important than ever that we’re learning from each other and spreading whatever skills and joy we can!

I’ll never assume anything about you as a writer.  I try to tailor my lessons so that you can enjoy them and use them if this is your first time and you're curious about writing, or if you’ve been doing it longer than I have.  

 There will be none of that snobby, elitist, pretentious writing attitude around here.  It doesn’t help anyone.  NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU’VE BEEN WRITING, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO LEARN FROM SOMEONE ELSE, EVEN IF IT’S THEIR FIRST DAY.  Everyone’s brain is different and that’s what makes writing so exciting.

Fanfiction is FUN and it should be for everyone who wants to participate and it is an invaluable way to improve your writing, or to start writing!  If you’ve always wanted to try, you should!!!  If you’re scared, message me and I’ll give you a pep talk.

I have all of my writing back to the very first stories I was writing when I was six in my office now.  I go through it often to remind myself of how far I’ve come any time I’m feeling down on my progress.  I regularly wade in the waters of my beginnings, and I remember what it’s like.  I’ll even share some of that stuff here, terrible elementary school penmanship and all!

I focus my exercises and advice in these areas:

JOURNALING - There will be a lot of tips, tricks, prompting questions and suggestions for keeping a daily journal.  THIS IS IMPORTANT.  I’ve kept a journal back to my very first 6th grade dance in 1996 (I’m thirty-six, and that’s a lot of sixes in a row and I wonder if this blog is going to be evil now?).  Journaling is writing in its freest form, and it will bring you an understanding of self that you never knew you needed or wanted. Not only will your mental health be better for it, you characters will too.

FANFICTION SPECIFIC - Exercises, advice and tips surrounding the specific art of writing fanfiction which is different than original creative writing.  More than you think in some ways, totally the same in others, but the differences are there when working inside of an existing universe if you want to get your readers smashing that next chapter button.

GENERAL CREATIVE WRITING - exercises and ideas to work on your dialogue, descriptions, settings, characters, all of the nuts and bolts of creative writing that applies to fanfiction and original works alike.

OUTLINES, ADMIN & INSIGHTS - I’ll show you how I outline work, how I organize my work, tips and suggestions for the less exciting side of writing that can and does make all the difference in elevating what you’re doing as well as general advice I have learned over the years about writing, being a writer and confidently calling yourself one (I still don’t do it confidently most days, but I’m trying.  Maybe we can get there together).

I hope we all get something out of it, and I can’t wait to see what you create! PLEASE ask me questions about anything! About my writing, about me, whatever, but most importantly, if there is an aspect of writing that you’re having trouble with, I will be happy to pull an exercise out of the archives or make a new one to help!

[fictionkinfessions]

hey can i ask what happened with the other blog?? like,, i went to go check it and this and im just Very Confused ngl (its ok if you dont wanna answer!! i was just wondering 'cause it felt kinda out of the blue)

Ok so basically this is the timeline that I remember. This is long, sorry for mobile users :v There’s a summary at the bottom.

It was a sideblog. There were three members: me, mod maude, and @/kuroocrow who I don’t personally know and I’m not sure why they were a member. I don’t know if they were ever a public mod or if someone else added them. That’s why I’ll just say the url and not the mod name. There was also Mod Vagabond and a few other mods [Mod Papyrus?? Or Mod Sans? I think?] but they had left a long time ago.

Me, Mod Maude, and Mod Vagabond were doing all the work and then Mod Maude stopped helping with the confession blog around or after Mod Vagabond left the blog. I was left doing all the tagging and reblogging things. I sent @/kuroocrow some messages asking them to help me out and they basically blocked my main blog. I figured since I was a temp mod and the blog really belonged to Mod Maude, I just kept going on my own. I don’t know why, really, I figured it wouldn’t be proper to invite other people to be admins/mods since it wasn’t my blog, and I thought Mod Maude would come back eventually. I’ve been friends with them for a while and I know they’ve been having a difficult time irl. But that’s not my place to share those things.

Anyways, after a while I noticed some messages were randomly vanishing from the inbox and queue. It wasn’t due to a blacklist hiding things and even when I resent them, they were still vanish.Also, other people noticed as well, like this anon: https://fictionkinfessions.tumblr.com/private/190655459474/tumblr_B6kjIK0k80F7wf0Ds

I don’t agree with how @/kuroocrow was behaving and it creeped me out to some minor degree. I also think it’s lousy on their part because they were doing it in secret, and because most of the secretly deleted confessions were either harmless or uncalled for. What’s the point of a confession blog if you’re treating it with such a bias? I’d ask them but I can’t so, so that’s that.

 There’s some confessions I don’t agree with, but post anyways because I think the purpose of a confession blog is to have a place to share things. Anyone can make a secret, password protected sideblog and make personal posts. Part of the appeal of confession blogs is the audience. You can say something personal to you, and not be alone. Does that make sense?

Here’s the last confession they deleted:Anonymous said:okay im not sure if i kin anybody from bojack yet but i wanna tell every diane kin thank you so much for your explanation how pop culture can normalize all kinds of topics! i know its small, but i gave a presentation (my fun senior one that determines if i graduate) on that topic and used your explanation to explain normalization as its the main one that got directly to my point and how i learned about it! i actually got a great grade on it too! thank you again @ all the dianes out there!

I don’t understand how this had broken the previous blog’s rules or why it would have been deleted in the first place. In any case, it doesn’t really matter anymore. I am sorry I didn’t do this sooner. I don’t know how many confessions simply weren’t posted, or worse, if anonymous people were IP blocked. [I don’t know if any one was actually IP blocked, that only occurred to me just now. I wouldn’t think so though.]

So because of this weirdness, I asked Mod Lemon Time who’s a friend of mine to set up a new sideblog and gave them my tumblr password to transfer over the url when it was ready. They even drafted up all the old confessions from the previous blog with the tags I wrote! Thank you so much for that! Absolutely amazing! It was a very smooth transition and I’m glad the url didn’t get nabbed during the blog switch.

I think that’s about it. I am really sorry if you had a confession randomly deleted. That’s not cool. I can’t say for sure if a confession was deleted. Sometimes tumblr doesn’t send those email notifications. This changing blogs thing was the last resort and I didn’t really know what else to do to fix this. Maybe this was overkill. Maybe I cared too much about a tumblr blog but hindsight is for chumps and I’m forging full speed ahead in thie wagon!! If and when Mod Maude ever comes back I’ll have to apologize to them a lot too, but I hope what I did was understandable. They put in a lot of time and effort with making this blog in the first place.

Also, I think this goes without saying, but please don’t harass @/kuroocrow over this. It’s not necessary or anything. It’s just a confession blog on the internets and not like money fundraising scams or whatever. Like seriously illegal things, you know? It’s done with and to me that chapter is complete.

In summary: many confessions were randomly being deleted by a third member on the blog. I wasn’t comfortable with that or with a total stranger acting subversively as a blog admin. I thought restarting the blog was a fair solution to all that. Mod Lemon Time is a friend of mine who made this new blog and is a temporary mod / member.

Mod Party Cat!

[pocmuzings]

mysticroleplay did a female ban in 2020 //:

hi ! thanks for the info , anon !!! when i first received this message i was big yikes tbh , bc female bans in 2020 ?? who even does that . but . . also admittedly , i know how things and misinformation can be spread thru tumblr discourse , so i actually approached the admins of mysticroleplay myself, to ask them for their side and an Explanation of what the 'female ban' really meant , bc . it doesn't Read Well for Anyone involved dfjkndfjnfjn . ANYWAYS , here was their response : ( under the cut bc it’s long , and then i add More commentary at the bottom ) 

 “ So, there’s a lot to unload here… as what initially was presented as a temporary tool in an attempt manage our influx of female characters, had got out of hand and taken out of context >< We hope our explanation below can gain a better understanding as to where we were coming from when implementing this ban, as we know it can come off quite… old school and not at all encouraging of those who disapprove of a gender ban in general. 

 When we started Mystic, we wanted to be a roleplay that didn’t care about ratios, which is why we categorize our characters by ‘stayed, left, new’ (according to our plot). In the beginning stages, we noticed the reputation roleplays were getting for caring about ratios (and ultimately understanding why it was a bad thing), which is why we made that decision in the first place.

As Mystic was growing, we noticed the influx of female characters joining, and didn’t really think much about it. However, slowly, we noticed that we had a handful of non-female desired wanted connections sitting in our tag, and there’s only so much that we admins can do to encourage gender diversity. We were also aware of the pressure a few members (we included) that had male characters felt when interacting with female characters (shipping, and etc), which was also a mildly growing concern behind the scene. As admins, we want to do our best to cater to our member’s experience and because we have encountered a certain feeling (in our own experience as members or admins, outside of Mystic) whenever there’s a heavy gender presented more than others, we couldn’t help but feel concerned. We’ve seen roleplays die when one gender overpowers the other, so we couldn’t help but wonder… should we do something about this? We’re not supposed to care about gender ratios, but our fear of our roleplaying dying due to past (separate) experiences seemingly overpowered that. (And not only that, but we’ve also been approached individually if we would consider a female ban of sorts, as we know *whether it’s a bad thing or not* that there are some people do care about ratios.)

And so, we came to the decision of implementing a temporary female ban, for various reasons. Yes, to balance our ratio to a degree, but to also encourage our members who were thinking of taking on second characters, to think about taking on a different gender. (We were also heavily wary about the backlash this would cause, but under said pressures, in a misguided attempt, did it anyway.)

 That is not to say, we only encouraged male characters in the slightest. Our ban was to encourage both male and nb characters, however, we will admit, we didn’t encourage nb characters as much as we should’ve. We know now, we probably should’ve sent ourselves some anons to put forth the public desire of having gender diversity, but we’re sad to say, we didn’t. We genuinely didn’t encourage (nor do we desire) one gender over the other, but we understand, that not voicing our desire for nb characters outright, could’ve been the reason why it this female ban we implemented was taken out of context.

Within the week of closing our ban (which was only up for about a week), we received anon asking if we’d do the same for nonbinary characters. We weren’t sure what to make of this ask, because admittingly, we were afraid it was a tool someone was using to try and make us (and Mystic) look bad. We know that might sound a bit dramatic, but the three of us are particularly protective over Mystic (as it has taken over two years for us to finally bring this roleplay to light) and we didn’t want a misunderstanding to have all of our hard work go to waste. (We’re also extremely aware of the rpcs of cancel culture, and wanted to avoid that as much as possible.) So, we made the unfortunate choice of not answering it, not for any other reason than being fearful of the outcome. 

 Within the next day, we received an IM from one of our members that it was them who had sent the anon and have expressed deep disappointment towards us for ignoring their query. It was… shameful, and heartbreaking for us to say the least. We loved that member deeply and have grown extremely embarrassed for not meeting their needs, all out of fear. Although they have expressed that they wish to have approached us off anon (as they were aware it came off hostile), they were still disappointed as a whole and we couldn’t blame them.

We did our best to explain why we didn’t reply, and how we weren’t trying to prioritize male or female characters over nonbinary (which is certainly another story within itself), and while we thought the conversation was going quite well and civil, we were met with them ultimately deactivating and we could no longer talk things through. 

 The incident between the three of us and that member was a lot for us. In fact, it still affects a few of us to this day, as we’re continuously fearful of disappointing our members again. We didn’t expect for Mystic to grow this big, nor did we expect to gain traction from the rpc in general. But, through this experience, we’ve learned that we do hold some sort of responsibility for doing what we can to encourage what is needed in the rpc. (Whether we feel as though it’s our duty or not.) We’ve learned a lot from that member, and although we weren’t able to settle things to their likeness, we decided to move on with the decision of implementing a ban for both male and female characters, in hopes of encouraging trans and nonbinary characters to enter Mystic in the near future. We want to look it as taking it one step at a time to be as inclusive and accepting to all as possible, whether we’re fully capable of taking on that task ourselves.

There is a lot more to say upon the matter, which we would be happy to discuss, as we want to lay things out as transparent as possible, but we hope that all of this explains things, enough for you to form a fair opinion about us. Not once did we ever make a decision to purposefully harm a particular community. Between the three of us, we are fully supportive (as well as a part of) the LGBTQ community and have been distraught knowing we have been misunderstood, due to a misguided decision in order to control our ratios. However, that is not to say, that we didn’t harm anyone (intentional or not), and we hope moving forward, we can right our wrongs. 

 If you have any more concerns or questions regarding the matter, please let us know, we appreciate you approaching us privately. <3 “

i kinda do understand what they're talking abt . if u've been on my blog in the past few weeks , we've been talking heavily abt playing male muses and how they're ship-chased to no ends , and i do recognise that this is what the admins were noticing in their own rp with female muses coming in, and creating a MASS amount of wanted connections just for males , and chasing the males that were already in the rp . this is smth we've all seen time and time again , and it makes rps die , and ppl just . Click right out , bc who wants to come into a rp thats just 'ship ' 'ship' ' ship' 'ship' ??? thats not fun , and not the environment u wanna foster. 

 do i agree with the Actions per se , of a female ban ? no . not at all . it's very demoralizing and derogatory to female muses who AREN'T there for ships and actually for the Real purpose of rping. but i do UNDERSTAND what the admins were trying to accomplish , in order to break up the amount of ship-chasing they were seeing . 

 after scrolling through their blog , i did see that they were trying , somewhat, to encourage more male AND nb fcs . however, again , of course - this didn't really pan out , because . . nb muses are hardly EVER picked up , as we all know  . should they have pushed MORE for nb rep , and maybe picked up a few nb chartacters themselves ? probably . admins should lead by example , a classic g line . 

 so . the action of them removing the female ban when they had more Males , but not really Considering as much abt the nb-representation ? not great either , but they acknowledge that in their response too , and admit they're Ashamed of how they acted . it's not my place to talk on the nb/trans community's end on this topic . simply put , if that side of the community is hurt and Damaged by these actions , then thats understandable too . 

i think it's at least Slightly commendable that when i approached the admins out of the blue - they were completely 1000% transparent and honest with me abt the situation in general and what had seemingly warranted , to them, a 'female ban ' 

 look , overall. mistakes are made . people own up to them . they apologise , and they acknowledge they’ll do better in the future . that’s SOMETHING . overall, they’re Trying to do better , and i think that that’s something important , and i do appreciate them for that . they did the wrong thing . they admitted it and owned up to it . i can understand where they were Coming from , but the execution , admittedly , was not done Great .

[b99fandomevents]

Welcome to the first ever B99 Fandom Events Anonymous Fic Exchange! This hiatus is looking like it’s going to be a long one, so what better way to pass the time than a fandom-wide fic exchange?? :)

This challenge is open to everyone! Anyone is welcome to join - we’d especially like to encourage new writers who haven’t written much, if at all, to join in on the fun!

For anyone who has never participated in a fic exchange, the rules are easy: you provide 3-5 prompts or tropes you’d like someone to fill for you, and on June 10th you’ll receive 3-5 prompts another participant has requested. From there, you’ll have about a month to write a fic based on at least 1 of those prompts and post it to Tumblr (and AO3!) - it’s that easy! Check out the rules and FAQ’s below for more info - and don’t forget to sign up!

Sign ups are open until June 8th!

RULES:

You must include 3-5 prompts or tropes you would like your partner to write for you on the registration form.

Any prompt or trope involving a violation of basic human rights (i.e. rape, incest, etc.) will be deleted at the admins’ discretion. We recognize that fiction is often a place where people turn to process those types of events, but we’d like this exchange to remain fun and lighthearted. Please refrain from requesting/writing such prompts.

You must write at least 1 of the prompts sent to you, but if you are inspired to, you may combine and/or fulfill multiple.

Your Tumblr inbox must be open OR a valid email address must be provided so that we can contact you with your assignments

Fic must be minimum of 1k (exceptions can be made under special circumstances - contact the admins)

This is an anonymous fic exchange - don’t tell anyone who you’re writing for

Fics can be posted any time prior to July 28th, and must tag your person’s Tumblr URL and/or AO3 username as well as @b99fandomevents; additionally, in the tags of the post, include #b99 summer 2019 fic exchange and #b99fandomevents

We will create a collection on AO3 as soon as the first fic is completed and posted to AO3, so if you are able please cross post your fic from Tumblr to AO3

All asks sent to the b99fandomevents Tumblr will be answered publicly unless otherwise requested

You must sign up for the exchange through this registration form.

FAQs:

What happens if I am unable to finish my assignment by the due date?

Let us know as soon as possible so that we can find a replacement writer for your partner!

None of the prompts I received inspired me - can I request new ones?

Unfortunately, no. If you’re having trouble getting inspired, feel free to reach out to either of the admins - we’re here to help!

Can I request a smutty prompt?

Sure! With any smutty prompts, we’re going to ensure that no underage writers are partnered with adult writers.

I have a specific trope associated with one of my prompts I’d like my writer to avoid - how can I ensure that they will?

There is a section in the sign-up form wherein you can detail any tropes or other details you’d like your writer to avoid.

Can I request a prompt for a non-canon ship?

Absolutely! There’s a section on the registration form where you can select canon ships you’re willing to write for, and another where you may list any non-canon ships you’re willing to write for. We’ll assign prompts accordingly!

Am I allowed to talk to other people about my progress while writing my fic?

Sure! We know talking to others can help with the inspirational process. Just keep in mind that this is an anonymous gift exchange - try to refrain from naming the participant you’re writing for!

Does the fic I write have to be ship-specific?

If your partner has specifically requested it, then yes, we’d encourage you to make your fic ship-specific. However the wonderful thing about prompts is that they’re open to individual interpretation - adhere to the requested tropes and details, but otherwise feel free to make it your own!

What if the prompts/tropes I received make me uncomfortable?

Let one of the admins know!

I need help finding a beta reader! What should I do?

No worries! Contact one of the admins and let us know and we’ll happily get you partnered with someone who answered “yes” to being willing to be a beta reader for other writers!

I don’t have an AO3 account - can I still participate?

Of course! We’ll add any fic posted for this exchange to an AO3 collection, but it isn’t required to participate. Just be sure to follow the rules about posting to Tumblr so that we can find it and reblog it to the fandom events blog!

I can’t pick just one prompt I was sent - can I write more than one?

Only if you want to make your partner the happiest person on the planet! No one is obligated to write more than one prompt, but if you want to combine the prompts you were given or even write multiple fics based off of the prompts you receive, you are absolutely more than welcome to do so! Just be sure to follow the posting guidelines detailed in the rules!

SIGN UP HERE!

[islecaptain-a]

Can I ask for my URL for positivity?

send me a url and i’ll spread some positivity.

@fatesdesign

Where to start? This is going to get long and rambly and take many tangents but bear with me...

I have had the absolute pleasure of writing with this wonderful, amazing human being for over 4 years now; back when I was under the name wildlingmalia and she was under wolvesandadderall, the Stiles to my Malia and still is. Someone who was there for me during the anxiety attacks the show canon was bringing out with all their character bashing and the fan-baited forced shipping towards the end, and just being there for me and listening to my anxiety rants and sharing my views on such things.

The she deactivated and I ended up becoming inactive on that blog due to the toxic nature of that fandom here on tumblr at the time. Then fast forward to September 2018, I’m not in the indie fandom, I’m moving around from group rp to group rp, namely Descendants, or original smut rps and I join literally one of the worst run rp’s I have ever been part off (and i’m including group rp’s i’ve been in with toxic admins), but it was one of the only ones I could find that didn’t have a Harriet, and then before the RP opened, the group got a CJ, and we were all talking in the OOC Discord and talking about old blogs and fandoms and low and behold, I discover that our CJ was my AJ.

Cue lots of drama with getting a Hook and then Hook going inactive and the incessant sighing over the admins overly dramatic plots, taking up 20 characters each in a group rp with only 7 players (indies fair enough mumu to your heart’s content, I know I do, but in groups, it sucks for activity if 2 people go on hiatus or activity checks with 28 muses between them), but I digress... AJ tells me about her indie mumu @fatesdesign, where she not only had CJ, but she had Hook and Harry and a bunch of other muses and instantly, my Harriet got heart eyes, pointed and after a couple of nights reading through her threads, Harriet decided she was not putting all her effort into that group anymore and wanted to join indie land with her family.

Thus this blog came to life.

Now anyone that follows AJ, it’s starkly clear how much of an absolutely stunning writer she is, and how much thought and concern is put into her kids. Like she’s scarily good and my kids have so many heart eyes whenever she’s on my dash.

But then March 2019, I met this absolutely beautiful soul in person, and one of our other awesome friends from the disaster group rp (it died before we all met up - shocker right?) went down to Wales for the week, we Air BnB’d, had a live in call called Ella. Just hung out, watched movies, celebrated AJ’s birthday, ate copious amounts of junk. And you know what? I have never been more comfortable around someone in my life. I can’t even hang out with my IRL friends for more than an hour without clock watching and wondering how soon is it polite to say that I need to go home. Not with AJ, completely at ease and comfortable and I’m not to proud to admit I was really upset when it came to going home.

We literally talked every day on the phone or online or every other day, and then AJ came up to Scotland to visit me and it was my turn to do all the sightseeing stuff for her. Real life’s been a bit chaotic since then with AJ going back to uni and moving cities and trying to find work, but we’re always there for one another.

Long story short, I love this girl, AJ means the absolute world to me and is one of my best friends. Still puts up with my anxious rambling most of the time. Has been there for this blog from day one when I said I’m making an indie, and it’s gonna be Harriet and Malia, two muses, one fc, that’s my lot... -cough- in my defence, AJ never says no when I suggest a new character to add.

If you’re not following fatedesign, what are you really doing with your life? Honestly, such quality shouldn’t interact with my trash heap but does. AJ’s writing is just spectacular, detailed, author quality; if you’re not following, I recommend you do so now.

[archiveddvrpg]

Congratulations, JULIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of GONERIL with an FC change to Vika Boronova. Admin Jen: Wow, Julie. Just WOW. Your app was absolutely stunning. There’s this poignancy to your portrayal that breathes life into Grace so beautifully. From the over-arching theme of carelessness that you’ve explored, to the touch of vulnerability you hinted at when it comes to Grace’s bond with her sisters, to my personal favorite aspect -- which was the way you cleanly outlined her perspective and potential future while leaving enough room for Grace’s volatility and unpredictable nature to run its course. We absolutely cannot wait to see more of her! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Julie

Age | 20

Preferred Pronouns | She/her/hers

Activity Level | Hit and miss! But I’m usually able to hop on at some point during the week and get replies done. If not, I’m always lurking on Discord to plot.

Timezone | MST

How did you find the rp?  | Through the tumblr tags all the way back in 2018, if I remember right! Crazy to think we’ve hit 2020 and I’m still here, lurking. Wild.

Current/Past RP Accounts | Santino, Loretta

IN CHARACTER

Character | Goneril / Grace Daly. I’d like a faceclaim change to Vika Bronova, if possible!

What drew you to this character? | Grace isn’t like a character I’ve ever written before – she’s completely new territory for me, and I think she’s a fascinating representation of, like, what if you just REALLY fucked everything up and didn’t give a shit? Because I don’t think Grace… cares, necessarily, about what sort of havoc she wreaks so long as it gets her something. And I can only ever desire to be that selfish. It’s this sort of reckless abandon of the morals most people cling to that’s super interesting to me, something I’d love to explore. Hundreds of thousands of people do the exact opposite of what they want to be doing every single day, in the name of responsibility and a certain code of ethics they hold dear. Or because they know doing what they want would have consequences. Grace looks at the consequences and bites her thumb at them, because while she’s not immune to them, there are certain advantages to being free of those sort of chains.

Santino was compelled by his moral backbone to do the same thing, and even Loretta had similar constraints, but Grace is going to run herself ragged with carelessness until she simply can’t run anymore. It shouldn’t be that easy, and for most people it isn’t, but to Grace, it comes naturally.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

ASK ME NOT WHAT I KNOW. There’s a difference between coming to the Montagues and begging for refuge and walking to their doorstep with a dead bird in hand, and Grace unfortunately chose to do the latter. It’s clear now that Damiano saw something in her – if he saw anything in her beyond another soldier – but she’s going to have to do more than most than to stay in those good graces, and God help her, she does. Everything Grace does has propelled her to this status of terror, the sort of person that it’s uncomfortable to share a room with. She knows how she got where she is and knows she actively chose to betray her own blood and her blood’s blood to do it. I’m interested in exploring how this impacts her relationships with other characters as well as her own personal monologue as it develops over time.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN WIELD THE MATTER. Grace denies that her sisters are of any meaningful worth to her but I think a piece of her knows deep down that it isn’t necessarily true. We all have little lies we tell ourselves, and even if she is angry at Regina and Catherine for stealing away attention that she genuinely believes should have been hers as a child, there are moments in quiet spaces where she sits and wonders just how far she could extend her ill graces. She’s not quite sure they consider her blood, and she doesn’t know she’d consider them kin, but exploring that relationship could be integral to the expansion of Grace’s character, morals, and own personal motivations – she can fully abandon them, even abandon the name Daly, if she so chose, but she hasn’t yet. A piece of her is still hanging on. I want to see why.

IN HIS OWN GRACE HE DOTH EXALT HIMSELF. At this point in time Grace has found herself comfortable in her position in the Montagues – and if there’s anything more than prominent about Grace, it’s that she hates being comfortable. If it doesn’t get her blood pumping, her thoughts racing, her heart beating at five hundred horsepower a minute with no end in sight, well, she doesn’t want it. And I think to a degree her comfort and her prior connections to the Capulets have her wondering just what would happen if she proposed she switch sides again. It’s not the most ludicrous idea in the world, as the Montagues seem a bit more talk than action, but there would need to be serious incentive and assurance they wouldn’t string her up, which means the weight of information. If switching sides isn’t a possibility, she’d prefer to advance. Climb the ranks, situate herself somewhere she can oversee her not-so-newfound compatriots and watch them. There’s something enthralling about the concept of that particular power, having control because other people think she can handle it, because she’s proven herself. Even if she doesn’t want to put the work in.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes!

IN DEPTH

When she was a child she was loud. Bratty, clamoring for all eyes to be on her, tugging at every possible sleeve and holding a hand out for offered gifts in the same motion. Never stopped talking, her mother professed, although Grace can’t say now that she believes it to have been a flaw. She talks, people listen. The input-output exchange works for her, that way. She doesn’t need to lend an ear to others — they only need to look at her to see what they should be paying attention to.

When Regina was born, quiet and dull and as boring as one of the countless dolls collecting dust in their playroom – their, not hers, not anymore – Grace had been appalled for so long. Not one for conversation, Regina. Nor Catherine, if she recalled now. Too afraid to converse with the sister who clawed out chunks of hair and laughed when she fell because she’d thought it was funny. It’s not that silence bothered her. It was just boring.

When she holds court with Damiano Montague and offers her services she finds that it is very suddenly not boring, the life that she’s leading, running petty errands for the Capulets and looking pretty in the corner. Their conversation isn’t loud, either, but he speaks with a timbre in his voice that is enough to quell any crowd. If she were anyone else, maybe she’d be intimidated by it. But she’s not anyone else. She’s Grace Daly, and that’s enough for her to coast on alone. They shake hands at the end of the conversation, and she laughs at herself in her car on the drive back home, at the familiarity of business. It had felt natural. Like any other day of the week. Like she hadn’t just sold everything out for the sake of the spotlight.

When she leaves her family home for the final time she is, at last, quiet. Her silence is deafening. Her father is so loud and uproarious in his protest that he is brought to tears by his own madness. How many years had she confessed love and adoration to him to get what she’d wanted? Petty, meaningless trinkets – a new car, a necklace, a dress, an education. In turn she’d sworn love, adoration, fealty to the Capulets. So much for that. She doesn’t say goodbye to Catherine or Regina; chances are they’d never have noticed she’d left in the first place. Her father tugs at her sleeve, like she had his so long ago, and she can only summon up the motivation to press a kiss to the center of his forehead. He falls to his knees and she closes the double doors behind her so loudly it shakes the foundation of the house.

In the car to her new apartment there is no conversation to be had. No personal contemplation of revelry, no laughter, no jig to follow the steps to at freedom for the first time from whatever obligations they’d stacked upon her. Instead she turns the music up so loud she’s sure that all of Verona hears it, and that’s enough for her. Good, she thinks, rolling the windows down. They should be listening.

EXTRAS

I got quotes!

…people who stand alone + burn. I’m attracted to them because they give me permission to do the same. — Susan Sontag

You have to want to go to hell. Deserve’s / got nothing to do with it. — Michael Robbins

I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. — Gillian Flynn

My wants are simple, and I do not want to be forced to make them complicated. — Edith Sitwell

Also, a playlist.

[annakie]

Notes on a Blog Cleanup (& some other stuff) Part 4

Made it all the way back to  to page 1000. 

Started with 3021 pages.  Currently have 2954 pages, adding in posting 10 - 13 times a day for the last month... deleted somewhere around 87 pages of posts (or around 1300 total).  I’m in April 2015.  So it took two and a half years to do 50% of my posting here and nearly another year and a half to get that down to 2/3rds. It’ll just speed up from here.

Anyway, here’s a bunch of words about tumblr, fandom, and Doctor Who.

I’ve found myself deleting more news articles lately.  There’s almost no cringe-y stuff left. If I go back and do this again it’ll be even more deleting current events stuff unlessI connected to it somehow.

A LOT of the content creation I ever did happened in this time.  I did so much giffing for Who’s Line, a lot of video game stuff, especially Mass Effect, cause you know, it’s me, and a lot of edits and such.  Some way better quality than others.  I was also getting thousands of notifications a day from the few things I did that were really popular back then (still sometimes get notes on that Whose Line/Elmo/Game of Thrones gifset to this day).   

I know I’m not like, the best at gifs and edits, but hey, I think some of it is like, pretty good?  There’s a few things I’m a little sad about that just never took off, but I bet all people who try and post OC on Tumblr feel that way about some of their stuff.  A few things I made did surprisingly well, though.

I still will make the odd gif/photoset there that’s more than just “here’s some nice screenshots I took slightly edited” but honestly, I feel like these days it’s so hard to get many notes on tumblr at all?  Like there’s just so fewer people making stuff, and even less reblogging gifsets/photosets?  Idk, maybe it’s something more specific to my overall followers and who you all follow?  But I made a joking post a couple of days ago about my dash feeling weird because not everything is specifically tailored to me after scrolling through my blog, but on the OTHER hand, I also feel like, overall Tumblr has become just yet another place to post memes and text posts and has the big problem of the Reddit/Twitter/Tumblr/Instagram (+TickTock) circle where each place is like 50% screenshots/reposts of content the others?  This obviously isn’t a criticism of any actual people, but just... what tumblr has become the last year or two?  Is it just me?  Like you can find some gifsets and such with a couple thousand notes here and there but... just not as much is being produced now?  Does that make sense?

Like a month or two ago I spent a couple of hours specifically looking for good general fandom blogs specific to several fandoms I’m in and... it’s hard to even find those blogs anymore.  Like, “fuckyeah” type blogs that are someone’s sideblog about a specific topic.  And hey, believe me, I’ve created and abandoned several of these kinds of blogs on my time here (and at least one I’d keep up with but.. it just doesn’t have any content being generated for it so it’s just... sparse) so I get it.  Maybe I’m just not looking in the right places, I don’t know.  

I keep wondering how much longer I’m going to keep doing this little project, and then every 10 or pages I come across a post I didn’t tag properly that’s now been found, or something I just really wanna get off my blog and I’m like “Welp, when I stop finding these, I’ll stop looking.  So maybe in like, 2018. :p  LIterally finding posts I forgot I ever made in the first place and like has made it worth it.

Notes on TAH Fandom

This was also the phase of being heavily heavily like SO heavily into The Thrilling Adventure Hour.  And I have a lot of thoughts on that, too.

Literally, one of the best decisions of my life, tbh.  Not every moment of being like a SuperFan of this thing was sunshine and roses, but most of them really were.  Honestly, I made such good friends.  I had some extraordinary experiences, doing things that I wouldn’t have otherwise done, for sure.  I traveled to Seattle, Chicago, New York twice, and LA three times, hanging out with new friends, and getting to know the cast of a thing I loved so much, and also somehow getting to be known by them as well.  There were things that happened that I didn’t blog about here because I never wanted to come off as braggy, or just to keep a confidence.  There were a few not-as-great things that happened during that time, but basically, 2014 through mid-November 2015 will likely go down as one of the best time periods of my life, for a lot of reasons, but a good chunk of that was the experiences I had through TAH.

Hoo boy though, I blogged about it a LOT.  Like, it felt like almost as much as early blog was about Doctor Who.  I was, uh, real enthusiastic and am now kinda regretful about some of those early fandom tags.  Also turns out some of the TAH people looked at my blog more than I knew, I think, so a little yikes there thinking back on it now.  But also I was kind and helpful a lot, so all of that was good.

This is a good recap post of all of the awesome stuff.  And even that glosses over a lot of the really cool stuff, or skirts around some of it, just to try and stay brief about it.

One of the big things I learned from that experience was that being a very involved person in a fandom is such a double-edged sword.  For one thing, it honestly became somewhat of a second job for me, which I 100% put upon myself.  But running FYTAH (with Shannon!) and admining/writing a large percentage of the TAH Wiki (with Ange!), working in the booths at conventions (with Jena + Shannon/Kitty/Jamie/Dani) and being available to help in a variety of other ways was A Lot.  Which again, I took on willingly.  And Ange warned me about it several times but I was like “No I want to do this.”  So then it also kind of turned into like a customer service job even outside of working at the cons.  After awhile you gotta smile and be nice allllll the time. I ended up taking a lot of things offline to a small subset of friends.  And most of that came from other fans, not from the show itself (except like, feeling like I couldn’t show my true disappointment when the show was ending, or feeling like I couldn’t air any criticisms I had about the show except in very private conversations.)  

At one point I was having an email conversation with a couple of those friends and realized that, for the first time in my life, I was like a “popular kid”, which was weird.  And I tried my damnedest to be as welcoming and inclusive and not to let anyone feel left out.  But also there’s a point where like, you can only take on so much, and you can only be actual friends with so many people?   You can be kind and welcoming and enthusiastic and all, but you only have so much time and energy to give away.  There were so many messages I never answered still sitting in my / the FYTAH inbox or in email and some on twitter because I just didn’t have the bandwidth to give away sometimes.  It was a weird lesson to learn because I knew it so well in general in my personal life, but had never had to apply it... in this way before?  Does that sound weird?  Or braggy?  I feel like I’m walking on land mines with this one.

For a more specific example of what I mean, in March, 2015 ten of us rented a house and lived in it for a long weekend for the TAH 10th anniversary show + a fun getaway vacation. Everyone invited was someone I knew or were close with someone else in the group.  A few more people had been invited but couldn’t afford it, so word got around a little bit.  And it was AMAZING.  But I later heard that there were a few people, most of whom I didn’t really know, were hurt that they weren’t invited.  Jena and I spent dozens of hours and put a lot of financial risk into being the custodians of the trip for even the ten of us, and it was a huge undertaking.  It was never meant to be a thing for the entire fandom, just a group of people who were already friends.  But there was still a small kerfluffle from a few people about it.  Which, I TOTALLY get feeling bad about being left out but... it was always supposed to be a relatively small thing, never any kind of “Official Fandom Get Together”.  And we definitely didn’t have the time/money/ability to host an “open call for anyone to come” type thing.  Just coordinating 10 people (and about 25 - 30 overall getting together to hang out at designated times over the weekend) was... more than enough.

At one point sometime later people started suggesting that we organize and hold an actual TAH-Con and I... let that one pass me by without really talking about it.  It was definitely too much, and even then I knew it.  And I mean, the shadow of Dashcon was still hanging over all fandoms heavily in those days.  I wasn’t about to become the next Dashcon.  It never got past a few emails being passed around.

So yeah, to be honest, if I could go back and do those years again, I absolutely would, it was like 95% awesomeness.  But I think in regards to some of the fandom-specific things, I’d be a little less of a doormat, and I’d be a little more careful about spreading myself too thin.

So now that the show is “back”, I am enjoying listening to it, and I’ll reblog some things or post big news on FYTAH, but I’ve been lazy about even helping out with the wiki (I keep meaning to get back to it, Ange is still doing great) because... although I’m still a HUGE fan, I also am gonna be more laid back about it now.  

I also haven’t REALLY loved a thing in the same way since TAH.  The closest there has been is Critical Role, and I’ve been real careful to stay out of any actual fandom stuff there.  I really love the thing, but I’m gonna keep with my group of 5 or 6 other fans I already know (all from other fandoms) who love the thing too, and stay out of wider discussions.  With some of the stuff happening there lately, it was a good decision.  

Wow, that was a lot of words.  Sorry. 

Hey one last thing to catch up on.

Doctor Who Rewatch 2019!

I’m now already at 6x01, into the Silence episodes.

So I did finally rewatch the Desert Bus episode that I hated so much before and like... this time... it was fine?  Cheesy and all, but not so bad that I should have hated it as much as I did?  Also noticed the Doctor doing the classic “gonna hit on this girl really hard in the beginning then drop her so quick at the end” thing to the companion of the week.  Ah, Ten.  The most bi-polar of all Doctors.  I’m gonna be honest, I decided to skip on through Waters of Mars because I realized I was just ready to be done with Ten at that point.  I’ll probably go back to it at some point but I wasn’t ready for another Ten Temper Tantrum, maybe the worst one of all, in that episode.

So I finished Ten (and oh man that whole two-parter to end Ten with... like the whole Master plotline is such a stinker.  The first half, in particular, is so bad, the only really good scene is the one in the cafe with Wilf.  The rest of it... wow.  Wasn’t that whole thing written like the week before filming and never really edited or something? IDK.)  The last half hour or so is really good though, with Ten’s sacrifice (after a tantrum) and then all the companion goodbyes (except Joan Redfern’s granddaughter, bleh).  

But yay, on to Eleven and Amy and Rory and more River!

Season Five is... wow it starts off strong and really stalls there in the middle for a bit.  Picks back up a bit with Rory returning, then somehow has two great episodes without Rory and ends strong, though the first pretty nonsensical Moffat-era “this doesn’t make sense but it looks and sounds so good you don’t care, right?” season arc and ending.  Season six, I’m already remembering, is way, way worse for that.  But anyway.  Rory remains my second favorite companion ever.  And episodes with Amy, Rory and River continue to be my favorites.  Also? Matt Smith is so good.

But even early on in season six I’m remembering how really dumb the overarching plotline is... Moffat is great at “Oh man this will be cool so I’m gonna throw it in there! (and it really is some very cool stuff!) and hope it all makes sense later!  Or just don’t think about it too hard!”

Honestly though, despite all the quibbles, most of the episodes work on an individual level if you don’t think about the the overall arc Moffat is trying to do.  Even those that are a bit sloggy, like the Cold Blood/Hungry Earth two-parter, have enough great moments to justify watching them.  (Ambrose is still maybe one of the worst “regular people” characters to ever be on this show, though.)  There’s still no “Fear Her”.  And that’s pretty good.

Also?  The blog itself is now about as Doctor Who oriented as it is in the last year.  Like... oh the season is airing?  There’s a lot more good stuff to reblog, I’ll reblog good stuff.  Season not airing, a scattered post here and there.  It’s a much better place to be.

After Amy and Rory leave, that was about the end of my true like “Doctor Who Obsession” phase.  On my Blog we’re in the break between Amy and Rory leaving and Clara showing up. I never really clicked with Clara, I think like a lot of people.  Like I really liked the season with Danny, but after that season I never really rewatched episodes, so I’m looking forward to getting there and experiencing some stuff again for the second time.  

[beyondthetemples]

{{ “Be Honest” mun meme

{{ Questions list taken from here:

https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/hellhaeths/182092480007

What would prevent you from following someone? Not trigger-tagging, or not using cuts for ns//fw scenes. (I have really intense emet*phobia, so if you don't tag for that, or won't tag for it upon request, I absolutely cannot follow. Savior catches most posts for me, even if they're not tagged, but there are just So Many Euphemisms and Various Ways to Describe It that it only works 75% of the time.)

Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why? As far as blog theme, not really-- I just like fiddling around to find something that evokes their General Vibe, and seeing what themes other muns like! I won't judge by them though. When it comes to thread aesthetics, I actually prefer to leave them utterly unformatted and plain-text as possible. I have ADHD and Fancy Unicode and Symbols and All That makes it really hard for me to focus on what's going on in the thread, not to mention I don't have the attention span to match another mun's Styling like that. (Also, fun fact: I always have my Tumblr Dash at 75% zoom, and Dove’s theme already has text at a Very Readable Size, so nothing ever needs to be Smallified for me.)

What current rp trend do you hate? I don't think there are any I "hate", though I get confused on all the Different Verses that everyone has. (In all my years of writing fanfic, I've only ever written Exactly One (1) AU, and I never read them outside of rp. AUs just aren't my thing.)

How do you explain rp to someone in the real world? "Taking turns writing what the characters are doing." Everyone afk has been pretty supportive. (They all know I'm a writer, so like... it's Nothing New.)

Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why? I genuinely don't care either way! Guy, gal, nonbinary pal: as long as they're fun to write with, I don't mind a bit. (And Dove has no preference, either.)

Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why? Statistically, I have 3 female muses (4 if we count Evangeline as her own person and not just A Part of Dove Manifested)... and only 1 male. (And technically, both Srentha and Leyla are genderqueer, so it's really only Dove and Kary that are cis women.) But that's not intentional? Evangeline is feminine because Dove is feminine, and Kary was originally my girlfriend's-- if she was a male I still would've hardcore adopted him. It just kind of worked out that way. I just enjoy writing people, not gender roles.

Name any three things about the rpc that bother you. 1.) The aforementioned Verse Thing. (It doesn't really bother me, I'm just easily confused by Similar-Except-Vaguely-Different Things due to the ADHD.) 2.) Some people still don't know that godmodding isn't okay. 3.) The distaste for OCs??? I guess that doesn't exactly "bother" me either, because people are allowed to have preferences... but, I mean, I spent several years active in, and then Actually Running, a group of 1300 members on dA completely DEDICATED to OCs, and it was a blast, so I just don't understand why people don't like rping with them as much as canon characters. I personally find OCs more satisfying to explore, more surprising in every thread because you just don't know what to expect, and you have a LOT more freedom for plotting and reactions! Like! You can Shed the Constraints of Canon and Revel in your Newfound OC-Based Freedom!! Truly Become your Character's GOD!!!

What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not? Nah, I love the variety different muns can bring to the same muse! Other people can stay exclusive if they like. Being an OC mun, it doesn't exactly affect me. 8F

Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them? (I don't really know how this pertains to RP?) But there was one time when someone gave me a really vague commission request, out of the blue, for a fandom I know absolutely nothing about, and just kept saying things like "Whatever you think they'd do!" when I asked for plot, characterization, or preference details... I never finished it because I Didn't Even Know how to START.

What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started? The reply doesn't have to be perfect. Or dramatic, even. Not every reply is going to shatter someone's heart or absolutely make their day. And that's perfectly okay!

Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it? Nnnnot on Tumblr. (There was a LOT of drama amongst admins of the dA group, which strongly attributed to the decline of me RPing on dA, but I definitely do not regret standing up for myself. I do wish I'd been able to foresee it, though, and brought someone else on staff who was actually going to, you know, do the job they applied for?)

Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind? Never! Well not on Tumblr anyways. There was a period where my favorite partners were all going inactive, and I couldn't find anyone who wanted to interact with Dove, so of course I was despairing, wondering if I'd ever get to explore what I wanted to explore with her. But then I decided, you know what, so what if I can't find any canon Titans to advance her Tumblr timeline? I'll just fill in the blanks with fanfic canon, and work from there! Making that decision was so freeing.

Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person? Oh, positive, absolutely. I may be too busy to really attend to it much nowadays, but my writing style has improved DRAMATICALLY, I've made so many friends, and I've learned things about Dove that I never would've discovered in the stories alone. (Or at least, it might've been discovered on a ten-year delay. 8F)

How has rp changed you personally? I was able to find fast friends, make connections with people over common interests, and my very first experience with leadership happened because I hung around a TTOC dA chatroom (because, specifically, I’d gotten ADDICTED to rp), came to love the people and characters, and decided, when the current admins had to step down, I would like to step up.

If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why? I'd like tags to stop breaking, that'd be nice. (But that’s an issue with Tumblr itself, not the rps.)

Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why? Pff, no. Mostly because if I really want something to happen, I'll either post an open, OR I'll do what I'm doing here, and just answer the questions myself. 8F I have a lot of fun doing this with headcanon question lists.

Have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? Why? No, but that's because I'm all about learning (+spreading) positive self-talk, de-escalation, and avoiding drama. Drama doesn't serve anyone.

Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why? I address it and then block the sender, because I want everyone to know I don't stand for that. And I have this stubborn streak about standing up for myself, so, you know... Gotta Address It First. (And I've defended Dove from Mary Sue accusations since I started posting about her in 2006, so it doesn't bother me, but I love pointing out all the reasons that, Jack Rider voice: You Are Wrong!)

Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with? Nope, but that's because if I can't or don't want to, I'm open and transparent about it. (Not on Tumblr, anyways. There was one particular person in the dA chats that kept trying to make RPs All About His Muse, but we shut that down too.)

Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to? Hell no! I've never Automatically Followed Back, and it's right there in my rules, I need a little communication before I start interacting.

What would make you block someone? Anon hate, reblogging/replying to rps that don't involve them, starting their own rps on my posts, Bad Takes in the Tags, shipping something I genuinely can't stand... I use the block button pretty liberally. I just don't need that stuff in my life, in my tags, or on my dash.

Have you ever stolen something from someone else? Well I have adopted a couple of headcanons re: Canon Characters from the teentitansheadcanons blog. (Like hc that, one time, Beast Boy was a bug and someone almost squished him, so now they put all the bugs outside, just in case. I love that for some reason, so I adopted it.) And every now and again I'll see something in fanfic I like: Azarath Has Two Suns, I saw that in a fanfic and it just felt so RIGHT, so I adopted that too. But, I mean, rping as an OC, there's really not a lot I can steal. 8F

Have you ever had something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it? Not on Tumblr, but somebody once stole a picture of Srentha from dA and used it in a random webs-page blog about their dreams? ??? I have no idea why they used him, or how they even fOUND him, but I kinda just shrugged and let it go.

Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not? (Isn't this basically the same question as "are you exclusive"? Because I have the same answer. I am, because I like seeing other muns' interpretations of the same character.)

How do you feel about vague posting? Use your own judgement for your own blog, but it's not something I do myself. If I have to vaguepost to vent something, I'll usually go on a more private blog, or at least stick it under a Read More.

Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back? Yes! I like reading rps almost as much as I like writing them.

Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting? Always.

What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it? I try to! Sometimes I can't figure out what to send in for the blog I get in from, but most of the time, I'll send something any time I reblog something. I really appreciate it when people send something in before reblogging from me, personally. c: (I get it if you can’t or don’t want to. But it sure is nice!)

How have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Do you use it at all? Not really, but I rarely use slang at all. Unless I'm actually talking about rp, muses, muns, etc, then I'll use those words.

Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain? I'm that Ravenclaw who always asks questions as soon as I encounter I don't know, and I don't use words without knowing what they mean. Kinda defeats the purpose of words that way.

Have you ever experienced discrimination? Well, Dove has, since people have that "I don't like OCs" mindset. Or "she's related to a canon character, so she's automatically a Mary Sue". It's not as big of a Discrimination as sexism or racism, don't get me wrong! But it HAS limited our scope of interaction, and I personally think it’s a little unfair to make judgments like that.

How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog? Go for it.

Have you ever cried while writing a reply? Mmmmaybe once? More often my heartrate just raises a little in an exciting moment, or I write out a ten-paragraph response in a one-hour fit of delighted manic wordsmithing, but I've definitely been touched. (I'm just... not very good at crying when I'm focused on writing. 8F)

Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own? There's definitely a bias towards my own! (Before my EHD died, I had about a hundred and fifty rps saved as word documents.) But I also enjoy reading others' threads.

What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you? Hmm...Spelling and grammatical errors. When I was copying chat rps to word docs, I started editing the replies for readability, and that habit kinda transferred to Tumblr, so when I'm not in a hurry, or I have an Unusually Long Attention Span, when I copy the replies, sometimes I'll just edit them, but I'm not mad about it. Just got into that habit.

How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t? It is absolutely ESSENTIAL for me to have triggers tagged for ME, so of course I extend the same courtesy to others. I don't presume to know what triggers people; I've made it very clear that if anyone needs something tagged, they just have to ask, and I'll tag it. No questions asked. (Though if they want to vent about it, I'm open to that too.)

What advice would you give to someone new to rp? Just GO for it! I know it can be scary and intimidating and overwhelming to see a great writer and think, "Gosh I want to interact with them So Much".. .and you know what, sometimes you will get rejected. Sometimes you just won't mesh with muns. Sometimes your characters don't have a very exciting dynamic. But you'll never find those Goldmine RP Partners if you don't at least ASK.

[zoldyckangel]

Can we see a list of requests in ur inbox rn if that’s ok? I’m super interested

Yeah sure! Note that some of the requests on the list take longer than the others but they’re being worked on. The list is also out of order. There also might be some duplicates for requests because different people want the same things.  I will put a keep reading line because of the sheer number of requests in my inbox. (Which is over 100 btw 😅) 

1: Can I request an NSFW scenario with Illumi trying to impregnate his S/O?

2: Since you told me you were looking forward to the extra kinky scenario with fei the bae, here it is: make it as kinky as you can fam. (If u don’t feel like it rn just like do it later or smth I don’t mind)

3: What would Illumi do if he had a younger sister , almost his age and he treated/favored like killua, that ran away from home at a young age and tried to go into hiding

4: Hey ! Can I get a uvogin Nsfw scenario . Helping his fem s/o to relieve stress . Doggie, oral , and riding would be great

5: Can you do an illumi NSFW scenario where his s/o is all like, “I don’t love you anymore.” And he gets all possessive?

6: Phinks nsfw scenario with a virgin s/o pleaseeeeee?

7: chrollo trying to get sex but his s/o denies just to piss him off

8: “Shh, stop fussing I’m just braiding your hair” for hisoka, please??

9: “If you steal the blanket, I’ll put my cold feet to you” for Fei♡

10: “You’re my new pillow” for hisoka please??

11: “How about a kiss” for Chrollo!

12: You are my new pillow, with Illumi

13: Will you let me rub your back?” + “Ssh. Stop fussing. I’m just braiding your hair.+“I might have slept with your robe when you were gone.” for Chrollo please?

14: Hc of the main four having a tiny s/o (like 5"1 or something) and how they would act around them? Killua and Gon are aged up of course!

15: “You are my new pillow” with Hisoka? ;D Thanks, you’re awesome!!

16: Omg can you do a scenario with feitan refuses to kiss his s/o on New Years so she gets back at him?

17: Can you do “your comfy” and “youre my new pillow” with illumi

18: If you’re still doing requests, please write a scenario for “How about a kiss?” with Kite please! (If the ask box is closed, then just delete this! sorry~)

19: If you’re taking requests, could you do Hisoka with “But I want to hear you sing.”? (Finding this blog made my day-)

20: SCENARIO NSFW KITE

21: I.COULDNT.HELP.IT. “Will you let me rub your back?” AND “Care to give me a back scratch?” WITH KURAPIKA. PLEASE. ILYSM

22: Would you please write 3 short scenario s between my oc and Feitan, Chrollo, and Uvogin? The genre doesn’t really matter. My oc is named Sabine. She is 4'10 and chubby. She’s an pansexual otaku who loves food, cats, and is basically juat a huge dork. Most of the time she’s pretty calm and always happy, but she acts like a child when excited. She has silent anger and can hold a grudge. Generally just a happy person. Thank you!~

23: What would happen if hisoka met a girl who was more powerful than him but refused to fight him? (Done) 

24: Okay, so I saw the ask about Gon and Killua having a weak S/O…what would happen if this S/O suddenly disappeared, without Killua or Gon noticing, and like one day later they discover they were murdered brutally by a killer? How would they feel? How focused would they be on revenge? Also, would they ever regret being with someone so weak, since it ultimately caused them pain?

25: Yooo I’m glad you’re back fam!! I’m sure ur pretty busy with all the requests but if you have time— I just recently read one of ur older nsfw feitan scenarios where you said it was kinky but it could definitely be kinkier, well you know what I’m gonna ask of you my dude. Pls write the kinkiest scenario ever for Fei the bae and I will love you till the day I die

26:  I’m thirsty for a NSFW Hisoka one shot where his crush is brushing off his advances but that just makes him try harder. 😏

27: I know you’ve done something similar but can I get a scenario for Hisoka relentlessly trying to get down with his crush but they’re onto him and brushing off his advances. You can either end it NSFW or have the crush unfazed by his seduction. I’m thirsty for more trash clown.

28:  Could you do a NSFW Shalnark scenario please?

29: Adult trio with shy s/o headcanon? ☺️

30: Kite oral scenarios with s/o plssss ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

31: Could i request headcanons for kurapika having a s/o who is sarcastic af but also a pretty sharp fella with deduction skills of sherlock? And for killua a s/o who loves books and readings and is even a writer themself who has a habit of putting people they know in real life in theur stories? :3 thank you!~

32: I just would like to say, I absolutely love your writing and I was wondering if requests were open. If so, could I request an Adult Gon NSFW scenario? Pretty please with a cherry on top and thank you!

33: may i request a scenario of killua having a crush on fem!reader whos a bit older than he is and hes having a hard time acknowledging his feelings so Gon gives him advice?

34: Turn ons and turn offs for Morel, Pariston, Kite, Knuckle, and Razor!

35: oh my god i loved your response to my request last time so i’ll just ask ONE LAST TIME i promise: can you do HCs for Kura and a fem s/o living as Kurtans? Like if the clan was never massacred and he grew up properly within the clan and got married and had kids and stuff. again, any NSFW is appreciated :3

36: Adult trio and main four kissing headcanons? Thank you!

37: Jealous Hisoka scenario?

38: HC on some things the adult trio finds cute in a person?

39: Hey! I love your work sm, thank you for being active again, it makes my school time less worse tbh My request is how Chrollo would react if he found out, that his s/o used to have something romantically with Kurapika before with him. (NSFW included) :,)

40: HC on how a crush accidentally turns on the adult trio?

41: How would the adultrio and the main four (or just the adultrio if it’s too much ^^) deal with their drunk s/o?

42: Favorite/least favorite music genres for the phantom crew and the adult trio?

43: Can I get headcannons for phinks with a thicc S/O (NSFW is appreciated too) ps LOVE YOUR BLOG ❤️❤️❤️

44: Adult trio with shy s/o HC. ☺️

45: I see you don’t write much about Razor, so how about a HC on Razors turn ons and turn offs?

46: Pariston scenario where he fails at wooing his crush because she realizes what kind of person he is but he isn’t letting up.

47: May I request fluffy head cannons for Older Killua with a soft-spoken, shy fem s/o? Your head cannons are so wonderful and I thank you for taking the time to write them!

48: 💢🔪💍🍼 for Chrollo please? <3

49: Hey! I really love your blog and i was wondering if i could make a headcanon request?? .////. I was wondering if you guys could write a scenario/headcanon (whichever you feel like ^^ i cant decide ^^;) kurapika having a s/o who’s really sassy and witty(loves self depricating jokes and lame puns XD) but overall a sharp minded person? Thank you!♡

50: tbh i just want like a rough NSFW scenario w Kura. pls and thx k bye

51: Could you pwease write some sfw/nsfw relationship headcanons for razor? (Gender neutral pronouns if thats not too much trouble)

52: I’d the adult trio had a big crush on someone, how far would they go to get them? Like, would they stalk them or constantly flirt with them or break into their apartment or buy them loads of gifts…? Let’s assume their crush is strong just cause I see them trying harder if they’re powerful.

53:  🍼💍💋💘 for Feitan please?

54: Are requests open? If so, I would like to request some headcanons for Colt but I can’t do those emoji thingies…… Great blog by the way!

55: HC on when the main four and adult trio realize they’ve fallen in love 😍 (or caught the feels for someone)

56: Heeelloooo there✨✨✨ I’d like to ask 😈, 💘,💋 and 🍆 for Gon and Killua ohohohohoho ✨💞 Kisses!!!!

57: How does the trouble trio + Chrollo feel if they found out that their female s/o lives together with their best male friend? Due to circumstances and stuff? Not because they cheated on him.

58:  Can I get a headcanon how the adult trio and main four would react if they were separated from their crush for a while? Would they mope, stalk them, distract themselves…?

59: Hello Admin Shy! I was wondering if you could do yandere/possessive HC for the adult trio? Thank you!!

60: Main four with s/o that has trust issues, because she/he has had so many fake friends who have only used her/him to get expensive gifts and good grades. And very bad self esteem, because she/he thinks that she/he isn’t good enough to be their real friend. If you don’t want to write this, you don’t have to. Actually this has happened to me a lot :,).

61: Can I request the reactions of the adult trio to a nuzzling crush? Idk if they’d like it or not.

62: Hello there! Is the ask box open? If so, can I request a fluff scenario for Kalluto and an innocent and cheerful oc who is also a spider??

63: Sfw/Nsfw headcanons for illumi with a yandere s/o??? *wink wink, nudge nudge*

64: I saw you did jealous chrollo HC so can you do some for Illumi and Hisoka to round out the adult trio?

65: Can you do first kiss/kissing headcanons for Morel, Kite, Razor, Pariston, and Knuckle please? Thanks Admin 👩🏻‍💼

66: Heya! Glad to see you posting again. Could the nice people of tumblr request some spicy Chrollo New Year’s headcanons, sfw and nsfw?

67: Hello Admin! Ok so Pariston is a total enigma for me and I wanted your opinion on what this dude looks for in both a worthy opponent and a crush. Like, he obviously admires Ging and respects him the most from anyone I’ve seen but he also loathes him for being a worthy opponent. As for who he is attracted to, could any personality be good for him and any power level as long as they interested him in some fashion? Sorry this is long! 😅

68: Headcanon for kurapika and a sassy af s/o? :3

69: Hey can you do Hisoka headcannons with a s/o that is super fragile and shy in the begining but once she opens up she’s super fun pervy and op she is so strong she can actually beat him and Chrollo~ ty!

70: Jealousy headcanons for Leorio, Hisoka, Pariston, Knuckle, and Gon please! I feel like they’d give a variety of reactions. :)

71: I know it’s still early but do you think you could do same pariston Valentine’s day headcanons (sfw and nsfw)?? And yes I’m the same anon who asked for the new years too lol, I just really like him for some strange reason Thanks I’m advance!

72: How do you think what kind of person would Killua like? Thank you ^^

73: Some Adult trio first time HCs. Like when it happened (age) how it happened who (female or male) what happened

74: Your two hisoka one shots were absolutely AMAZING!!! AaaAAaaahhhhh youre such a good writter!!!!!!! (＞ｙ＜) Could I please request a third one shot? Its ok if you dont feel like writting it, the other two were fantastic, so I bet they took some time. But, for me and others who enjoyed them, could you? ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

75: Hello! I apologize if you are busy but may I have Kurapika Valentines Day SFW/NSFW headcanons with his s/o? Thank you and I apologize that it’s two days after Valentines Day.

76: Hey! Can you do a scenario with kikyo and silva fluff !

77: A HXH scenario! Some NSFW scenario with older Killua and his gf ( collar/ pet kink)? Love your work!

78: “this position is.. making me turned on…” said Kurapika softly, completely flustered with his fem s/o sitting on his lap.

79: Kurapika in a normal high school Romance HC n scenario?????

80: Can you write another BDSM scenario with Feitan? Thank you so much :)))

81: Can you please write another Vampire!Feitan scenario? Thank you ;))

82: Ok I got an angsty HC ask: how would the adult trio react to seeing their crush get physically or verbally abused?

83: Can we get general fluffy sfw hcs and nsfw hcs for Chrollo? Tysm! ❤️

84: Can I… Can I have some yandere Chrollo headcannons please :o Your blog is one of my top favorites by the way <3

85: How would Chrollo act if he knew that Kurapika was in love with his s/o?

86: How would Phinks go about recruiting (my means of seduction) a potential troupe affiliate. Like a spy or an informant or something. (I know it’s specific but I need some inspiration for a fic I have planned.)

87: Type of dates chrollo would take his s/o on? (S/o is a strong nen user and is aware that he is a part of the phantom troupe)

88: Please yandere chrollo scenario

89: Hi! I really like your page and I was just wondering if requests are currently open? It’s not exactly clear, but if they are open; could you please do a fluffy scenario with fem reader x hisoka where they join him in a grassy clearing & he just randomly starts doing handstands & pushups while they’re lying down beneath him & he kisses them each time he goes down; getting more heated each time until they are both playfully rolling around kissing one another? Thnx 4 reading either way! ^^

90: Hey! Love this page! I was wondering how do you think Feitan, Hisoka, Phinks and Shalnark would react to a gentle, surprise kiss from their s/o? Please and thank you!

91: Hey! Could you plz do a fluffy scenario of hisoka, illumi sharing moments with their s/o’s where they make each other giggle and laugh; just something really cute and sweet for each of them but that still suits their personalities? Thank you so much!

92: Spider boi needs more love. How about a scenario for Chrollo meeting his s/o during a PT mission?

93: Hello may I get headcannons of the adult trio with a fem s/o who looks like a bad ass bitch with tattoo and colorful hair but is very calm and sweet when not working. Something like she gives them a safe mental space where they can let their gaurd down when it’s just the two of them please? Sorry if this is too specific ( ^_^U)

94: Ohh how about the crush walking in on the guys halfnaked? 😄 Gif reactions for the adult trio and main four

95: Can you do a nsfw scenary with Adult Killua and fem s/o please?

96: Aaaaahhh the flirting hc were so good thank you so much admin!!! I’d like to request another HC if you don’t mind! What are some turn ons for the adult trio and how do they react when they’re horny? 😜

97: Mun, can you please do a headcanons for the adult trio on things they find cute in their crush? Like their laugh, if they are naive about something, if they pout, play with hair, talk cutesy to animals, etc. I like fluff. ☁️ Thanks a million!

98: Personal thoughts: how would Hisoka react to genuine affection? He’s a creep and no one puts up with his behavior but what if someone has the patience of a saint and was able to actually enjoy his company and care about his well being? What do u think, I’d love to know

99: Is it time for that Yandere chrollo from a few asks back?? 😉😉 if it is, general yandere hcs please! (You can do a continuation of that ask if u want ?)

100: Uvogin NSFW with female reader or s/o

101: Adult trio with shy s/o HC please?

102: Ok so I’m a lover of people who are gluttons for punishment. Naturally, I’d like to request a HC of Hisoka having a crush on one of the most powerful hunters he has ever met but they refuse to fight him. He tries to annoy them but they have the patience of a saint. He tries to flirt with them but they laugh off his advances or tease him before walking off. He begs them for a battle but they are a pacifist when it concerns fighting Hisoka. 😂

103: Hello! May I ask a scenario where Chrollo’s s/o wearing a sexy lingerie and she’s waiting for him? Thank you very much! ^^

104: Can you please do first kiss HC for Hisoka, Knuckle, and Pariston please? Would it be spur of the moment and sexy or planned out and sweet?

105: Scenarios of the adult rio and feitan. When they cheat on there s/o

106: Kurapika’s S/O got pregnant and is reluctant to tell him (he is a busy man) but he found out anyway albeit not from her. How would he feel not knowing it from her? Also, thank you for all these wonderful headcanons ^-^!

107: A bit of angst here: how would Hisoka, Knuckle, and Pariston react to seeing their crush get physically or verbally abused?

108: These are my three favs so I gotta keep asking for them! Can you please do HC on how Hisoka, Knuckle, and Pariston would ask their crush out on a date? Thank you Admin!

109: Who do you HC to actually care about having a virgin as a partner when they first have sex? Which characters would be understanding, feel turned on, honored, don’t care, find it off putting, etc.

110: Headcanons for Chrollo and his s/o who, as he finds out, is one of his favourite authors?

111: Headcanons (possible romance?) for Hisoka meeting someone who used to take care of him as a kid?

112: A scenario for Hisoka being stuck in bed, ill, and his s/o taking care of him? Your pick for SFW/NSFW. (apologies if this gets double posted!)

113: Oh gosh I hope I made it in time. Can I request something with a protective kurapika? Anything is fine. I want this dude to be loved :’)

114: Can I pleeeeease have some headcanons for Chrollo if he had an s/o who had a huge erogenous zone on their ear (they like it when it gets nibbled and such) but they’re super shy about it? Tankee <3

115: Love your blog! If yiu still do requests quests then I suppose this one should be interesting: one with our lill smol Feitan having a younger teenage sister who’s taller than him (but weaker lol), how would their life be like?

116: Can I have some general sfw and nsfw relationship headcanons for Machi and for Pakunoda?

[unfortunate-rp]

Congratulations, DAISY! You have been accepted as your desired character, PETER PETERSON. Please be sure to complete the steps listed on the NEW MEMBER CHECKLIST and send in your account within the next 24 hours.

Well, young lady, have you been good to your mother?

OOC INFORMATION

Name: Daisy

Age: 23

Pronouns: She/her

Time zone: EST

Activity Level (Please give a number from 1-10 and an explanation): Currently, I’d rate myself around a 7. I adore the world of ASOUE and feel very inspired to write for this character. As a nearly full-time employee for a college, I don’t have a mass amount of free time, but I definitely believe I can devote a few hours to writing/plotting each night and even more so on weekends. My schedule varies somewhat each month, so if I expect I’ll be unable to write for an extended period of time, I’ll definitely let the admins know!

Tumblr account (for contact purposes): REDACTED

(If applying for second character) Characters played: n/a

How did you find us?: I believe I had reblogged some asoue content to my personal and then the rp popped up as a recommended blog!

Triggers: REDACTED

Anything Else?: I noticed that Peter’s age is set at 41, and given that Alfonso is currently 35 and his gifs are of him at 35 and younger rather than 40+, I was wondering if his age could be lowered? If not, that’s absolutely fine! I was just curious, and if there’s any particular reason for having his age at 41, I’d love to know just in case it’s relevant to playing his character or key to a particular plot/character connection.

CANON CHARACTER APPLICATION

Desired Character: Peter Peterson

Gender & Pronouns: Cisgender male & He/him

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Do you want any additional connections for your desired character that you’d like us to add to their bio?: None as of right now!

WRITING SAMPLE

[ trigger warnings for death, arson. ]

The tide of Lake Lachrymose was hushed at this time of night, receding and regaining presence quietly in its eternal pull. Peter stared into the waters ahead, its midnight blue darker and deeper than , darker than the sky above or the earth below. Beside him was the remnants of a younger man, no longer a beacon of youthful energy behind gold-wire glasses, but instead a casualty of rampant fire and the tensions of a rising war, both the boy and his abode naught but ash in a pewter urn. The waters stilled and swirled again, and the thought that the lake was his most constant confidant took hold of his mind as he uncapped the urn, mourning for a time when the younger man laid claim to that title. It was time now, to say goodbye in that traditionally terrible way that was oft romanticized in the movies, a friendship – no, a family, found and forged – coming to a bitter end. Peter let the weight of Logan’s ashes slip through his fingers slowly, unable to see exactly where the grain landed in the pitch-blackness of the lakeside scene. He said nothing but felt everything, and it amounted to silence fractured only by the gentle hum of the waves.

He suspected that Logan’s death left not just a scar on his heart, but that it caused a ruination of the memories and moments he shared with his protege, now that the truth was cast into the light. Cynicism painted an interesting color on him, pulled his thoughts in different directions, and forced him to wonder, “What is truth, in a world where everything is code?” The question, of course, wasn’t entirely unfounded – the lives of firefighters and firestarters had become so inexplicably linked to trickery and deceit that he simply shouldn’t have been so surprised to find out that Logan had been a villain feigning decency all along. Perhaps it was absurd to be such an idealist, or perhaps he had just been blinded by his penchant for positive perfectionism instead. Privately, he knew what he felt was some ugly combination of both, as well as other facets yet unnamed. In truth, he wasn’t the reason for Logan’s espionage or his untimely demise, but his dream – if not, pressure – to shape the boy into the ultimate VFD agent had only succeeded in unintentionally putting out all the fire and warmth of the younger boy’s promise long before his time.

Dawn threatened to peak through the curtain of night, longing to lighten the skies with the promise of a new day and Peter, no longer wanting to dwell on the duplicity of his protege, made his way back to his newly assigned taxicab. It was a simple vehicle, but one that still offered him much-needed solace in the newness of it all. Already, a certain lightness ripened in his soul as he drove away from the lake, all sense of mourning and longing left behind on its sandy shores.

EXTRAS – I was inspired, so here are some headcanons!

No Plan: Peter has no goals or expectations when it comes to his romances. This is something of a decision he made awhile ago, perhaps as early as when he first joined VFD as a fully-fledged agent. Essentially, he allows himself to love, but not quite to fall in love in a fully-realized sense. His romantic relationships tend to last less than six months, though they are undoubtedly passionate and generally positive. However, given that he has taken a more stationary position within VFD, it is possible that this may change.

Youth: Though Peter enjoys talking with all sorts of characters, he does take a particular interest in the unaffiliated youths of the city. This is largely because he enjoys the fresh, unimpeded perspective they have on the world, from which he can determine their candidacy as a recruit for VFD. The oldest of his siblings, Peter also has a penchant for protecting those younger than himself. I imagine he has a reputation among the younger residents for being something akin to their ‘cool uncle’.

Perfect Places: Though he is happy in his new role as a taxi driver, there are undoubtedly moments where he finds himself questioning if he made the right decision, as well as simply missing the excitement that came with overseas missions. Additionally, given the nature of his protege’s death and the truth that was brought to light due to it, he wonders if he’d make better use of his time by being in the field, and properly monitoring the newest volunteers to ensure that any double-agent situations can be prevented. At the end of the day, Peter is thankful for his role within VFD, particularly as being a taxi driver has taken him to previously unknown corners of the city and its surrounding areas, and he is genuinely pleased to still be of service to the organization in which he (mostly) believes.

Reputation: Before the incident with his student, Peter had a reputation within VFD for being one of their more charming agents, the sort of person who could strike up conversation with nearly anyone, and make them feel as though they’d known each other for years. Highly charismatic, and effectively observant, he was very much the type of agent who could hide in plain sight while still getting the job done, the warmth of his personality banishing all traces of suspicion from most others. However, after Logan’s death, Peter grew more cynical and has donned a more critical lens of the world around him, and is now much more fastidious and pedantic over his duties than he was as a highly active member. Slowly but surely, the nuances of who he was before are creeping back in, and he has found a particular solace in being able to exchange conversation with his passengers, which comes quite naturally to him.

[millenniumhprp]

“Gina my love, I absolutely loved your application. Your original character sounds fantastic and I can’t wait to see him on the dash. ~Admin M

Congrats Gina! You have been accepted to play as Benjamin Cooper (FC: Chance Perdomo)! Now, you have 48 hours to create your blog and follow our checklist. Once completed, please send a message to the main page and we will provide the link to the OOC blog / Discord.

In the meantime, if you have any questions regarding the process, just send us a message here and we’ll be happy to answer you. Great job! We can’t wait to see how you bring your character to life. Happy RPing!

Name: Gina

Preferred Pronouns: She / Her

Age: 23

Time Zone: MST-AZ

Activity level: I work for local news, so sometimes can be swept away easily for work – plus my shift is odd. However, I will try to get on every single night, if not every other day. <3

Previous Roleplaying Experience: over 12 years of forums and tumblr alike haha

How did you find out about Millennium? I’m an admin and set it up :P

What are you most excited for in the RP? THE TOURNAMENT – and older characters 😊

Anything Else: [removed]

IN CHARACTER

Character’s Name: Bejamin Cooper

Face claim: Chance Perdomo

Preferred Pronouns: He / Him

Age: 17

School: Hogwarts

Year: 7th

Blood-Status: Half-blood

House: Slytherin

How do they feel about their house placement? Indifferent. He does not want his house to define him. Only himself and his actions.

Job: During the summers with his mother, something in the Muggle world.

Biography: (tw: abuse & alcoholism)

Vola anima per aeterna - fly through eternal life.

Growing up was something of a difficulty for Benjamin. His father was a Pureblood – descendent from the Nott family – and emphasized the need for the young boy to learn magic when Benjamin first started showing his abilities at a young age. His mother was a Half-Blood, raised by a Muggle-born mother herself. Thus, she pleaded with her husband frequently that Benjamin needed the chance at a normal life without magic or the wizarding world. Especially since her own mother died in a tragic accident due to the aftermath of a battle from the first wizarding war. She wanted to give her son another option – knowing that a storm was coming. She saw how dangerous it was and didn’t want her only child growing up in such a dangerous place – and had another life to escape to if need be. Often, their screams from their fights shook the house, sending Benjamin into tears as he tried to cover his ears to block out the world. Drown it with his own thoughts and dreams. All while hiding in the back of the broom closet. Later, Benjamin learned that his father manipulated him many times. The Nott family was keen on memory charms and influence – making impressions and dictating many decisions often by corrupt ways. Out of guilt from thinking he was causing his parents fight, Benjamin often hid away or sometimes even ran. But one day, he didn’t have to. His father, suitcases in hand, left with another woman while his mother was left crying. Out of spite, Benjamin took his mother’s last name, protecting her as the new war began.

Raising him as a single parent, Benjamin’s mother moved them to a two-bedroom house right on the shore-line of Weymouth, Dorset in England. It was away from the center of the war, but another waged at home. His mother was in a drunken state most of the time, leaving the boy to write to himself, feeling lost in the world. She even took him out of Hogwarts during his fourth year – fearing the war would take her precious boy away. He went to a Muggle boarding school but missed the halls and corridors of Hogwarts. His home. Afterall, there, he thrived academically, particularly in potions. He liked to tinker with them, making them better. And in charms, he did the same. His journal was filled with ideas and potential inventions. Even so, Benjamin still practiced magic, eager to return once the war was over.

Now that the school is reopened, Benjamin has refused to finish Muggle school and told his mother that he is returning to Hogwarts. No matter what. Of course, she was distraught, and still has not come around. The fear of the Triwizard Tournament clouds her mind, wanting to keep Benjamin as far away as possible. However, he doesn’t need her protection. He’s fine on his own – witty, intelligent, cunning…qualities he knows are passed down from his father. All Benjamin wants is to be his own self, independent, and make his name known to the world. Not a Nott – nor a Half-Blood. Simply Benjamin Cooper. And he will stop at nothing to get his way.

What will your character bring to the RP? A male character split between the traits of his parents and the ambition to be his own person. He’s got the wit and tendencies of a villain, but longs to be good. I want to toy with the light and dark of a soul theme – and let Benjamin find his own way.

Patronus: Gray Wolf

Wand: 11 ½ inches, slightly springy, alder wood, unicorn hair core.

Head Canons:

·        During his first school-years at Hogwarts, in the summertime, his mother (a professor at the University) would be sure that Benjamin had full knowledge of the history of the Muggle World as well. Many times, she gave him books to read and take at least one Muggle-schooling course. Although, the war had caused her paranoia and thus led her to be more distant. Benjamin would then browse the library in their home on his free will whenever he decided to visit. After years of studying, he finds that he likes literature from the Muggle world and learning its history; because of this, Benjamin has a burning desire to travel, but also incorporate magic.

·        Benjamin is pansexual; however; aromantic. While he enjoys sexual encounters, he does not actively seek love or feel it often. In fact, he is often even more satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships. He thinks this may change because he’s never been in love and goes in with an open mind. Benjamin’s severely insecure and does not believe in love due to his parents.

·        To keep a savings in mind, Benjamin worked a part-time job during the summer holidays. Oddly enough, at a bakery that is owned by his elderly neighbors. After his father left, his mother wanted to move out of London completely and migrated them towards the sea-side in Weymouth, Dorset England. The ocean did wonders for Benjamin, allowing him to gain a sense of wonder and appreciation for Muggle life even more. The summer meant he could swim, relax, and study. His neighbor, Lyle, was elderly and allows Benjamin to take his sailboat out if he cleans it up and also gave him his part-time job at his wife’s bakery. Discipline and responsibilities come with a job, which is what Benjamin believes he needs to become a man; to have courage and never let himself standby and watch any other horrible event pass before his very eyes.

Extras: Jupiter by Sleeping at Last

Para Sample: (tw: abuse, fighting, & alcoholism)

“Look at him, Camilla! He’ll never amount to anything.” Nathaniel Nott shouted to his wife as she held a younger, four-year-old version of Benjamin.

“He’s just a boy! Of course he won’t with you talking like this!” Camilla bent down, wiping the tears from Benjamin’s reddened cheeks, “Sweetheart, go to your room…please…”

All the young boy could do was look at his mother, saddened by how she seemed so broken. Every night was the same. His mother, fearing magic, did not want the boy to learn it when it became time that he would get the letter from Hogwarts. She feared it because it had killed her own mother - but Nathaniel, his father, tried to reason that it was dark magic that had done that. And with the tantrums Benjamin sometimes had, he was proven to show signs of magic with lights faintly flickering from time to time when he cried. Nathaniel, from pleading with his mother, led to arguments and fights - leaving all parties saddened greatly. Seeing the look in his father’s eyes, Benjamin quickly ran up the stairs, hiding in the broom closet with his knees hugged to his chest.

Some years later, even after Nathaniel left, the pain of being different; a freak; grew worse…

While growing up, Benjamin was faced with many issues. First his abuse, his mother becoming an alcoholic, and his father leaving. It made him feel unwanted and uncared for….as if he was the cause for all the issues. As if he were to blame. If that was what love was, he wanted none of it. Unfortunately, at home was not the only place where his insecurities thrived.

At age twelve, despite having gotten the letter from Hogwarts, Camilla refused to let her son learn magic at first. In the end, he started a year later than most Hogwarts students, making him feel behind and stupid. However, it was not his fault. As his mother tried to raise him as “normal”, Benjamin knew in his heart that he didn’t belong. It became evident as he was starting to be brought up in Muggle schooling, unable to control his magic when his emotions were heightened.

Being an awkward, shy boy, Benjamin was always bullied. Whenever the kids would push him or tease him, the bullies would suddenly trip on thin air. And one day, the boys were going too far. They began calling the young boy names saying that he was talking to the ‘Devil’ when he would whisper in his sleep at nap time (from nightmares) or utter words that he remembered his father saying when practicing and showing him simple spells.

They kicked the back of his desk, threw papers at him, pushed his arms, and even put gum in his hair. And while trying to control his anger, the young Benjamin’s temper slipped, making the teacher’s desk move forward and even start to lift before Benjamin fell to the ground, scared and shaking.

“You freak!” he heard a young girl scream and all he could do was crawl up from the ground and run. He ran until he reached his house where Benjamin hugged his knees to his chest and cried back to his broom closet, where the lights flickered from his hurricane of emotions. The young boy was confused, scared, and angry. He had no idea what to do. But the gentle touch of his mother’s hand on his shoulder was the only comfort he felt at the time. He always thought he was a freak.

Even now, Benjamin still feels out of place. Having finally been social at new Muggle schools when he was pulled from Hogwarts, it had done him a lot of good, but a lot of harm as well. He craved to be “normal” or at least fit in. He didn’t want to cause any pain that he felt when he was younger. To him, he was scared to death of being his father, but he was also terrified of being that boy once more.  Benjamin has many fears; thus, those fears are his insecurities. Although he must be careful to not let them get in the way as he returns to Hogwarts – a new, improved, young man.

[radramblog]

posts of 2021

This is how the blog ends. Not with a bang, but with a meta. It’s fitting, I think.

We sit now at post number three hundred and sixty-five. One Full Year of posting. Unfortunately, I’d have to go for another 272 years to hit the dreaded power of one hundred thousand posts, and I don’t really plan on doing this until I’m literal dust.

Having to actually choose which of my own posts I liked most would be impossible. For one, I don’t remember all of them- though tumblr does have a relatively convenient archive function that makes it less difficult than it could possibly end up being to comb through them all. I have ones I am definitely proud of, and a few that I’ve gotten good comments (both on the site and irl) about, but even if I could vote for some of them I’d just have so much trouble killing my darlings. Well, like, a lot of them. Some of the posts are pretty bad.

With that in mind, I was wondering how else I could possibly discuss Posting in 2021. And fortunately, I found something of a solution- let the hands of the people decide (and by that, I mean some of the people and also whatever fucked-up algorithm Tumblr works using) and look at the most notable posts according to the site itself. That is, the ones with the most notes- likes, reblogs, comments, whatever.

None of them have that many. And that’s okay.

I think there was some part of me that desperately hoped that at some point, one of these posts would get spread around a bunch. That one of them would get caught in someone’s tag search and catch a reblog, then another, then more until I’d have to mute notifications or something. That obviously hasn’t happened, but I know so little about how this site functions from a user perspective that I feel comfortable appending a “yet” to that sentence.

One anonymous messenger told me that Tumblr as a platform was very “all-or-nothing” when it comes to visibility, and I can completely believe that. I’m pretty sure that unless you explicitly search for a tag, you aren’t going to see posts on your dash that aren’t from things you follow or reblogged by them. And I don’t exactly have that many followers (shoutout to all 32 of you!), nor do I follow literally anyone on this account- fun fact, I kinda don’t use tumblr in general, in case it wasn’t obvious.

Still, some of these posts somewhat caught on, so we take those. Not like they were meant for anyone else in the first place- I actually have no idea how well these read, because they basically don’t get edited beyond spellcheck. It’s called the ramblog because it’s a ramble blog, though I realise that my inclination towards the ovine makes it kinda look like it’s a bit more of a pun. That’s why they’re all (except the 11 I’ve apparently forgotten) tagged as #ramble!

Anyway, enough bullshitting. Fortunately, so I don’t have to search through the entire 365(+ admin posts) backlog, Tumblr does conveniently have a “year in review” thing that has a list of the top 5 posts noteswise. I’m not 100% sure it’s correct- the thing lists me having made 363 posts so far, which sent me into a brief spiral trying to figure out which day I missed.

(there are actually 369(nice) posts on this blog, because it includes the admin posts and the two from before this was what it is. But there are definitely 364 Actual Ramble Posts prior to this one)

So. What did the people want to read?

#5 (16 notes): “love me some fuckin toohoos” (March 21, 993 words)

 I have to assume this got spotted by people in the Touhou fandom proper, because it’s only got that as an unusual tag, and most people came straight to the post itself. It’s not a topic I ever really returned to, though- ultimately it’s a series I was definitively more into in high school than I am now or have been all year. I actually have no idea what exactly inspired it- prooobably seeing news about Unconnected Marketeers? That or checking my Steam Wishlist and remembering that basically every game in the series is on there.

The post itself kind of doesn’t hold up to my completely arbitrary standard, in my opinion. Mostly because I think I was trying largely to explain the series’s nature to a layman- and by that I mean my mates, who I thought were the most likely to read it, and thereby a lot of it is fairly basic stuff. Like, there’s a bit of looking at the impact of the series re: indie gaming and doujin culture, but not much, and that’s kind of a hugely important point to harp on about with the series. It’s a huge fucking deal, more than “some fuckin toohoos” belies, and I’m not sure that’s accurately represented here.

I still haven’t actually beaten any of the games save Phantasmagoria of Flower View, which arguably doesn’t count. Now that I actually own a legal copy of one of them, I might actually get around to doing it? If nothing else, I know it’ll be fun, if a tad frustrating.

 #4 (17 notes): “Every Boros Commander, Part 2” (January 9th, 1932 words)

I was actually pretty surprised by this one. Of all my allegedly 52 (damn that’s consistent) M:TG posts, why this one? It’s not like the part 1 is up there, is it- oh it’s also at 16 never mind. Honestly, while none of them (aside from these, apparently) are huge hits or anything, I think Magic was one of my topics where I’d much more consistently have one or two notes on most posts.

These “Every ___” posts were very much inspired by the weekly article series-es that one Joseph Megill writes on EDHREC, that I follow pretty religiously- essentially, taking a particular list of cards (planeswalkers, mana rocks, equipment, etc.), ranking them all by EDHREC usage, and then just. Going through them, 10 or so per week. I guess I just really like these listicles, because I spent a lot of time doing similar work, and getting well and truly out of hand in the process.

I did like having consistent themes to work on, though- saved the trouble of having to think of something to write. Like, even though I think these articles are on average really goddamn long, they actually didn’t take much longer if at all than a lot of other stuff, by simple nature of not having to think of a topic ahead of time, which always takes me for fucking ever. That, and I can do most of the writing and theorycrafting off-the-cuff, though to be fair, I do just about everything off the cuff on this blog.

(arguably one of the only things that’s not off the cuff is the Roxy post from earlier this week, and I’m so glad to see that making much more immediate traction than anything else because it was kind of a big thing for me)

Anyway. Magic is kind of in a weird place for me right now- I want to be playing more of it, but my opportunities to do so are either limited or frustrating, so I can’t really do much more than theorycraft. Sharehouse when? I will force my housemates to draft my cube, and they will learn to fucking enjoy it.

 #3 (20 notes): “and you don’t seem to understand” (January 6th, 873 words)

January sixth. The first goddamn week of this entire project. There is a slight bias towards the older posts on the blog, I think, but that’s probably just because they’ve had more time to get picked up.

In retrospect, this is such a weird fucking post. Kind of halfway simultaneously talking about Serial Experiments Lain, one of my favourite anime of all time, and Twilight, probably one of my favourite albums of all time, both connected through the song Duvet that opens both. I guarantee if I tried writing this now, I’d have rewatched a couple episodes of the show beforehand and listened through the entire album.

Anime is something I didn’t spend that long writing about in general. In part, that’s because the “anime fandom” is something I’ve kind of consciously avoided- even as much as I enjoy the medium, the stigma surrounding it is hard to shake, and i have been deep enough into it in the past to know that said stigma is arguably deserved. And I didn’t really want to alienate myself by talking about the stuff- at the end of the day, I can’t shake the idea that liking particular anime enough to write huge spiels about them is uncool. As if I’ve ever not been uncool.

Music, though, is something I’ve obviously spent ages discussing, and for good reason- I care a lot about it! And I have a lot of weird shit to share! And bôa is definitely an example of that. Honestly, I kind of want to go back to this album in my current, more detailed breakdown style- I’m still not sure if those are any good, for what it’s worth, but I feel better giving more attention to a piece of work when I’m sharing it to the world. Even in the cases where I end up shitting on some of the songs.

This post was born of me being unable to get Duvet out of my head. Top song of the year 2020, apparently, which did not surprise me at all at the time. It’s not even on this year’s list.

Wait, neither is Little Miss? What the fuck, me, that song goes.

 #2 (20 notes): “Halo Through its Guns: Halo CE” (September 1st, 1401 words)

 Man, this series. This is what finally got me to play Halo 5. Fucking hell.

The response to this post came quicker than I expected, which I think was part of what convinced me to buckle down and commit to the full series. That, and having half of it planned out ahead of time- I think the ones that weren’t quite as planned out are really obvious, though.

In part, I think this was inspired by Late Night Gaming’s video/series, The Evolution of Halo’s (weapon name here). Certainly, some of the ideas in this particular post were inspired by the Plasma Pistol video, which is very much to its benefit- I think this might be one of the strongest ones as far as analysis of game mechanics goes. But across the series, it kind of changed very much into something else.

There’s kind of no beating around the bush- the posts for Halo 5 and especially 4 were downright cathartic. The series was not intentionally building up to them, that was not a conscious decision, but it just kind of happened. 4 was a lot of opinions and emotion that had been simmering for a cool 9 years, and also something that had notes taken down and ideas toyed with for over a month at that point. And 5 was raw reaction, the result of both building something up in my head and of going into a game thinking “how bad could it possibly be” and, well, finding out. I’m still a little annoyed about how long I had to delay before said 5 post (something that also kinda made it seem like it had to be grander), but it just wasn’t a convenient time of year for driving half an hour to a mate’s place to borrow the old XBone.

I think I still might make an Infinite post at some point, once I’ve gotten to dive into more than the tutorial. While I may have gotten the game working a couple days ago, these last couple blog posts have taken a lot longer than they should, and also, it’s a busy time of year!

 So. What was the number goddamn one post of the year according to the whims of the masses? By over double as many hits as the last one? Um.

 #1 (43 notes): “have a plan to kill everyone you meet- Fallout New Vegas Genocide run notes” (January 16th, 1234 words)

 This is really confusing to me, actually. I mean, I guess it’s possibly one of the more useful ones, considering it straight up just has a walkthrough of how to do this dumb idea and part of how I worked out how all of it could work. In theory.

Ahh, fine, in practice. I definitely got, like, halfway through this before getting bored. Turns out a game like FNV is actually more fun if you talk to the characters instead of violently removing their body parts. So not only is this a weird walkthrough for a meme run of a game that actively avoids a lot of the best aspects of said game, not to mention the incredibly restrictive nature of the gameplay required to maximise the kill count to “every killable character except for three of them”, but doing it isn’t even that fun.

At the same time, it is kind of striking. “Genocide Run” is a concept that has taken off somewhat since, well, Undertale, and Fallout New Vegas is finally starting to get the cultural recognition it actually deserves. It’s one of the few games where the concept actually lines up kinda well to Undertale’s one in action- that is, it’s really grindy, mostly not hard at all except a few things, and because you’re killing all the interesting characters you don’t get to see all the interesting dialogue and plot. You do get to see some different plot elements, but at the end of the day, it’s still just going to end at Hoover Dam, but you have no friends this time.

At the end of the day, this is basically just a dumb idea that I took to its logical conclusion. And in a way, that’s kind of a metaphor for this entire blog project. So I suppose it’s fitting that this takes the number one spot.

 And that, uh. That does it, I guess. Dang.

 When I started this blog, a year ago, I definitely wasn’t confident that I’d actually make it through the other end. I didn’t think I’d manage a couple weeks of posting, let alone a few months, let alone the whole fucking year. And yet, here we are. It’s over. It’s complete. Fin.

Except, it’s not really over. I imagine I will cease posting completely at some point, but I still have things I want to talk about, ideas to explore, and maybe even things I’ll need to vent about. Obviously, it won’t be consistent, but hopefully this will mean I can put a bit more effort into the posts I do upload. If nothing else, I want to take a look at the year’s stats as far as word count goes (and notes)- and I might be halfway through harvesting that data already.

With that, I guess I bid thee adieu. Because I have to go get ready for the New Year’s party. Here’s hoping 2022 looks a bit better than 2021, and here’s hoping that I don’t have any more colossally silly ideas for new year’s resolutions. Or at the very least, have said ideas be a bit less time-consuming.