#i wonder if he tried irn bru when he was here

[crink]

Mumbo Jumbo in Scotland with a litre of IRN BRU and a lidls bake

HE WAS HERE 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot]

Chapter 10: The Heist - Sapere aude (Dare to know)

Previous

Part 1: The dare

Part 2: The theft

Part 3: The aftermath (you’re here)

Next

Masterlist

Tag (because they asked): @glitterypirateduck

Disclaimer/warning: This took a whole different direction from what I thought at first. So warnings are: mentions and descriptions of a panick attack, torture, mentions of SA, angst, hurt, anguish, and everything in between.

I’m a sadist it seems

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47442772

5.45 am

The briefing room was still mostly empty when Soap stepped inside, fifteen minutes before the hour, and blinked when he saw Riot already sitting there, arms crossed and sitting on her usual chair, and seething with her usual black surgical mask hanging from her left ear.

‘‘Why the long face, bonnie?’’ The Scot plopped down on his chair, leaving the middle one for Ghost for when the Lieutenant would arrive. Riot shook her head, staring at the front.

‘‘Bad night’’ Like hell was she going to tell Johnny that she had woken up way before she had to, like a fucking idiot to bring coffee to Ghost’s room, only to find out that he had already left. It wasn’t a total lie though. She had had a bad, horrible night full of nightmares, worse than usual. She had just needed to… Ah, fuck.

‘‘Aye, mine was no better’’ Soap looked ragged too, with dark circles under his eyes and his mohawk looking pitiful. And like always with him, her heart softened.

‘‘Serves you right’’ She muttered, reaching out and brushing his hair back into place, trying not to laugh when Soap just laid down over the chairs to rest his head on her crossed legs. ‘‘Mixing vodka with Irn Bru wasn’t a good idea’’

‘‘We hae dane worse’’ He purred happily, feeling her fingers running through his hair soothingly. ‘‘Remember the cider from yer country when we went for that… field party?’’

‘‘That was completely on you, I told you you had to pee it as often as you could and not mix it, and what did you do? Mix it and hold it, no wonder you couldn’t walk straight’’

Soap laughed, and both stayed there in silence in the half lit room, with him curled up on the chairs and her stroking his head, lost in thought. Suddenly, he looked up at her, with his usual cheeky grin.

‘‘The Lt’s face when he comes in and sees us is going to be priceless’’

‘‘He’s not coming’’ Riot mumbled, her voice lower than before. ‘‘He’s deployed. Left earlier today’’

Soap grunted, sitting upright again to look at her more seriously.

‘‘Shit ah didnae ken… I didn’t know’’ He rubbed the back of his neck, leaning back in his chair, brows furrowed. ‘‘He tried tae tell me somethin’ but ah was too shitfaced’’

‘‘He said three days tops’’ She sighed, looking out the nearest window, where the night sky was starting to clear up.

‘‘Good opportunity to steal from him, bonnie’’ Soap winked, trying to get his friend to cheer up. ‘‘We have that dare going’’

‘‘I give up’’ Riot shrugged, turning her head to the door when they started to hear footsteps approaching the briefing room, which was about to start. ‘‘Can’t be done, his room is locked and he’s deployed. I give up’’

‘‘You give up!?’’ He eyed her up and down suspiciously. ‘‘Yer gonna do my paperwork fer a month?’’

‘‘Yup’’ She nodded, placing the mask over her nose and mouth and then crossing her arms.

Soap kept staring at her while Riot tapped her fingers over her crossed arms, her blue eyes wandering around and away from the door when it opened. People started to pour in the room and he was still looking at his friend.

Right when Captain Price entered the room and walked to his desk at the front, he leaned in towards her and whispered, with a grin.

‘‘Loser’’

‘‘I would watch your tone if I were you, Johnny… The bet was doing your paperwork’’ Riot turned her head to look at him, her eyes narrowed with a naughty glint he knew well. ‘‘Not to do it right’’

Soap snorted, trying to feign a cough when Price glared at him before starting to speak.

‘‘Good morning, everybody. Today’s program will be as follow…’’

-

Later that day, when the sun had already fallen, the demons came back.

It happened every time she was behind the closed door in her room, alone with her thoughts, alone with the mirror she tried hard not to look at. Alone with her mind. Alone.

It had got worse after killing Floyd.

Impending impact

She was under the rubble in the demolished warehouse in Transnistria, gasping for air and only breathing dust in, listening to Ramirez’s sobs in her ear while he died.

Look at them, soldier, this is all we could find from them. You’ll wish you’d be dead soon

She was in that cell in who the fuck knew, smelling the rotting corpses of the soldiers under her command, losing count of the times she was being drowned and brought back again.

I will ruin you.

She was bent over that fucking table, with her gaze focusing on Norry’s dead, glassy eyes because if she focused on what they were doing she’d scream, and she wouldn’t give them that pleasure, hell be damned.

No one will want you after I’m finished with you, whore.

She was on the floor, tasting that bastard’s blood and flesh after she bit him hard enough to make him wail like a banshee, along with her own blood from her face, now cut open.

Who would want a marked bitch like you.

She was screaming curses at them while they took her nails, one each hour. She was drowning in her own blood after they extracted two of her back teeth.

So pretty and such a potty mouth

She was storming through the compound after spending two days rubbing the rope against the splinters of the chair each time she was left alone.

How did you manage to kill them all, Vega?

I don’t know

She knew.

She managed to tear the rope after two days, and the next idiot that entered the cell to paw at her found one of the chair’s legs, splintered into a makeshift weapon, cutting his throat open. She stripped the corpse of his clothes and weapons, and the last thing she did was retrieve her soldiers’ tags. She would not cry for them. Not yet. All she felt was rage.

Riot sat up with a strangled gasp, tears running down her face, and jumped out of the bed to heave over the bathroom’s sink, trying to breathe. She couldn’t. She was drowning. She was under the rubble. She was in the cell. She couldn’t.

Come on, lovie, breathe for me. In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out.

She closed her eyes, trying to focus on Simon’s voice, trying to follow his instructions as she had done in that Belarus’ forest. In. Hold. Out. In. Hold. Out.

Her eyes opened again to find her face in the mirror, still breathing too quickly, her heart beating so hard in her chest she felt she would pass out and die, and then Johnny would hate her forever.

Breathe in. Hold it. Breathe out.

Slowly, she stopped shaking long enough to be able to sit down on the floor, feeling the tears coming again, making her eyes sting, and she hit her own thigh in frustration trying to make them stop. She would not cry. She never cried. She was Riot. She got shit done, whatever it took. She would not cry.

And even for all her stubborness, she knew that couldn’t be healthy.

That’s Riot. Too stubborn to just fucking lie down and die.

It had been her evaluator in Hereford the one who baptized her as Riot after coming back from Turkey and hearing what happened. He’d be so disappointed at the little girl sobbing on the bathroom floor.

Through the open door she could see and hear her phone vibrating on the bedside table, its screen lighting up the dark room. She dragged herself back to the bed, her heart still beating faster than normal but more manageable, and grabbed the device to be greeted with a spam text.

Did you think he would text you? Fool

Her eyes fell on the stolen t-shirt that she had left over her desk last night. In the end, she had stolen it from the laundry room. Johnny would die of laughter if he knew. She didn’t even know why she stole it.

Before she realized what she was doing, she had grabbed the t-shirt, Simon’s t-shirt, and laid down on the bed with it in her hands, twisting the fabric softly between her fingers. In the end, she brought the garment up and buried her face in it when she felt the sting of the tears again.

It smelled of him.

God, she was fucked.

You don’t deserve it

 -

8.15 am

Dr. Heather Green’s office

 ‘‘I must say… this is unexpected, Sergeant Vega’’ Dr. Heather smiled warmly, her sage green eyes showing just a little bit of concern. ‘‘Twice in a week is not your usual’’

They were sitting face to face in those two ridiculously comfy armchairs like always, Riot’s arms crossed over her chest, Dr. Heather’s hands on her lap.

‘‘I know’’

Heather waited patiently. For Riot to ask for a session before normal hours, it must have been a dire matter. She had received the text message at 6 am sharp, and when she had arrived, Sergeant Vega was already in the corridor waiting outside her office prowling like a caged animal.

‘‘Whenever you are ready’’

Riot snorted, her right knee bouncing wildly up and down and looking at nowhere and everywhere at the same time except at the woman in front of her. Heather was about to speak again when suddenly the younger woman sat up and tore the mask off her face, tossing it over the psychologist’s desk.

‘‘Fix me’’

The doctor’s eyes widened slightly, more at Riot’s words than at the sight of the face that she was seeing fully for the first time in the four months the Sergeant had been in the Task Force 141.

‘‘Why do you feel you need to be fixed?’’

‘‘I want to live’’ Riot’s elbows came to rest on her knees, trying to force her right one to stop jumping, and she buried her face in her hands. ‘‘I need to live. I can’t go on like this. I need to live. I need to be alive. I can’t have… I need to live. I don’t know how. Fix me’’

Heather smiled gently, reaching forward to press a reassuring hand on Riot’s shoulder, noticing with a bit of worry that she seemed to flinch at the unknown contact before relaxing.

‘‘I can try, but you have to be kind with yourself and let it out. Stop bottling everything in. Let it out and start healing’’

‘‘What do I have to do?’’ Riot’s voice was muffled by her hands, but Heather could feel the deep anguish behind.

‘‘Transnistria’’

The only topic they had not touched fully. Riot only got to the moment of the building coming down on her before fleeing.

The sergeant leaned back again on the armchair, looking at the ceiling. The doctor just waited, looking at her. For a moment she feared Riot would leave again, but then, she started speaking, with the low and dispassionate tone she always used during the therapy sessions.

‘‘I don’t know how long I was under the rubble before I woke up. I tried to breathe, but all I got was dust in my nose, in my mouth, and…’’

[isitgintimeyet]

Just a Friend

Hope you enjoy the next chapter of this story. Thanks to you all for reading this. You comments are lovely to read.

Thanks to @wickedgoodbooks for the beta

Previous

AO3

Chapter 5: From Facebook to Friends

When I was a little girl, Uncle Lamb would sometimes take me into university with him. I would creep into the lecture theatre and sit at the back watching him as he enthused about Phoenician trade routes, or long gone military strategies. I didn’t really understand what he was talking about, but I loved it anyway. The passion he had for his subject matter thrilled me.

And once the lecture was over, I would join him in his office and we would squeeze together in an old armchair, drinking hot, sweet tea while he tried to explain the principles of a three thousand year old civilisation in words a seven year old would understand.

The armchair is now in my office at the hospital. It looks more than a bit incongruous amongst the standard NHS furniture. The rich green velvet fabric has faded to a shabby eau de nil colour and years of shuffling bottoms have left a large depression in the seat cushion. But I won’t have it reupholstered. I love it as it is. It’s a great reminder of my wonderful uncle. I sit in it and somehow it comforts me, like a soothing hug.

**********************

I glance at the clock as I walk into my office, paper cup of hot, sweet tea in hand, and head straight for Lamb’s chair. Gratefully, I sink into its depths and take a tentative sip of the steaming liquid before closing my eyes for a moment. The surgery was long; much longer than anticipated—having taken all morning and most of the afternoon, in fact. It had also been far more complicated—my original plans for keyhole surgery had to be changed, but, eventually, we completed the operation successfully. I’m always proud of my theatre team, but never more so than in situations like this.

And now, after hours of concentration, I feel in need of some light relief. I can go home, have a wonderfully reviving shower and then what? I know that Dougal is taking Geillis out for a meal tonight, so she’s not available. Mary and Anna are both working nights this week, so no joy there. Other friends live too far away for an impromptu midweek activity.  I could go to the gym. I should go to the gym. Or… more likely, I’ll go home, have cheese on toast, a glass of wine and watch ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ for the fifteenth time instead.

I reach for my phone to check for messages.  A notification for a Facebook friend request appears on my screen. I very rarely get new friend requests—other than the odd random gentleman hoping, I presume, to make some sort of connection. I always delete immediately.

And, yes, the request is from a gentleman—one Jamie Fraser. The profile picture is definitely Samsonite Jamie, even wearing the Scotland rugby shirt I fingered whilst foraging through his suitcase. I click accept. Why not? I don’t think I have anything too embarrassing on my posts. In fact, I don’t use it very often at all.

Neither, it seems, does Mr. Fraser. His cover photo shows a very youthful bunch of Scottish rugby supporters and his recent timeline seems to comprise mostly of being tagged in photos by Laoghaire Mackenzie. Is it my imagination, or does he have a resigned look on his face on each of their ‘selfies’?

My tea is cool enough to drink now without scalding my tongue. I put my phone down and take a large gulp whilst considering tomorrow’s workload. My job is a series of highs and lows. Today, for example, started as routine, slumped to a worrying low, before peaking at a very relieved high. Tomorrow appears to be an easier day, certainly—a review of patients’ case notes in the morning followed by an outpatient clinic in the afternoon. All follow up patients, and all doing well as far as I know, so tomorrow is shaping up to be a very good day.

I open up my phone again. Facebook messenger is encouraging me to ‘say hi to your new Facebook friend.’  Without thinking, I send a little waving hand emoji to Samsonite Jamie.

I have no sooner put the phone down than it pings. Waving hand returned. I smile. What are we… thirteen years old? Next I’ll be asking him out for an Irn Bru and a bag of chips.

Ping again.  

You owe me…

Shit! The stain on his t-shirt, no doubt. I watch the dots on the screen. Perhaps he’s calculating the cost of a dry cleaner, or a new t-shirt.

You promised me an ice cream.

You up for buying one for me tonight?

I hesitate for a moment. I hope Jamie doesn’t think I’m after him or anything like that. I mean, he’s not really my type. As I’ve said before, I’ve always been attracted to academic, cerebral kind of men like Uncle Lamb, rather than Viking marauders.

And I’ve never subscribed to the idea that men and women can’t be friends. One of my closest friends at university was a man—Joe Abernathy.  If it wasn't for the fact that he is currently three thousand miles away, working in Boston, I would be arranging platonic ice cream outings with him.

So, deciding I have nothing to lose, I type my response.

If you can get to the kiosk by 6:30, it should still be open

A brief pause, then the response.

Great. See you there?

****************

Even at a distance, I recognise him sitting at a table next to the kiosk. No white t-shirt today, it looks like some sort of check lumberjack shirt. I breathe a sigh of relief. Not what I would call ‘first date’ clothing. Which is handy, seeing as I’m wearing ripped jeans and an oversized Aran jumper. I’m clean, presentable and fresh-smelling but definitely not dressed to impress.

He stands up when he sees me and greets me formally with a handshake. His hands are warm and dry—no nervous, sweaty palms here, which is another good sign. His shirt is blue, red and cream flannel and actually quite hideous.

“I hope this ice cream lives up tae ma expectations,” he says with the merest hint of challenge.

I crane my neck and look him straight in the eye. “No doubt at all. Cherry bakewell, is it? Double cone?”

“Aye. With a flake too. Compensation, ye ken.”

He stands aside to allow me to make the purchases. Before accepting the cone, he picks up half a dozen or so paper napkins and stuffs them in the pocket of his jeans.

“I’m prepared fer ye now. Do yer worst, Ms Beauchamp.”

I ignore his clear inference and follow him to a nearby bench.

“I can manage to eat and walk at the same time, you know,” I say in mock indignation.

“Hm,” he replies. “All the evidence sae far suggests the contrary. I need proof afore I believe it.”

There’s a moment of silence as we both focus on our ice creams. I lick neatly all the way around, trying to prevent any rogue drips trickling down the cone. Jamie pulls the flake from his cone and consumes it in two mouthfuls. He looks at me and laughs.

“Caught me. I’m a bit of a bugger fer chocolate,” he mumbles before swallowing.

“Right,” he continues, much more clearly now. “I suggest we get all the boring stuff out of the way. Ye ken, name, age, family, job, blah, blah blah. I’ll go first, if ye like.”

I nod my agreement.

“Sae, I’m James or Jamie Fraser. I’m thirty years old. Since our last conversation I am most definitely single. I live in Glasgow, obviously, but grew up on a farm near Inverness. My parents still run the farm. I have one sister, Jenny, who’s married tae Ian, my childhood friend. I have one nephew—a grand little lad known as Wee Jamie and a wee baby niece, Maggie . And I dinna think it’ll be long afore they’re joined by others. They all live here in Glasgow. My job, weel, I have a business—FraserFood—recipe boxes delivered tae yer door.”

“Oh, yes, I’ve heard of that. ‘From farm to fork.” That’s you, is it?”

He smiles proudly. “Aye, it’s me and ma family. Looks like ma marketing manager is doing a fine job, then.”

“Oh, forgot tae say, after the blah blah, ye have tae tell one confession. Only a wee one, mind.” He takes a large mouthful of his ice cream.

I purse my lips. “Really, and what if I’ve nothing to confess?”

Jamie snorts with laughter and does a funny sort of blink, screwing up his face and closing both eyes. Is he trying to wink? If so, he’s failing miserably. I try to look angelic and sin free. Judging by the look of scepticism on his face, It doesn’t seem to be working.

“Sae, my confession is, dah-dah-daaaah,” he does a fake fanfare, trying to build suspense. “I wanted tae be yer friend on Facebook because I wanted tae see if there were any photos of ye in Barcelona, with all yer...er… accessories.”

I feel myself redden. I’ve just remembered catching Geillis on Facebook the other day at work and I’m pretty sure I know what’s coming next.

“Verra interesting… in particular, the one with ye and six penis shot glasses. How d’ye manage tae get two of them in yer mouth at the same time?”

I inwardly curse Geillis and her desire to live her life through social media.

“Excuse me,” I reply somewhat primly. “I don’t think we’re at the Q and A stage yet.”

“So,” I continue in a lighter tone. “Me. Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp. I’m thirty two and I’m a paediatric  orthopaedic surgeon, here at the children’s hospital. I love my job so much, I can’t begin to tell you. As of two weeks ago, I am thankfully single. I was born in Oxford and moved up here when I was twelve, when my Uncle Lamb became a professor at the university. He brought me up, you know. Raised me when my parents died in a car accident... I… er...I was four at the time.”

I can feel Jamie looking at me, but I can’t raise my eyes. Telling people about my parents never gets any easier, no matter how many times I say those words. I concentrate on picking bits of wafer off my cone and throwing them to the ducks loitering nearby, waiting for some sort of treat.

“So it always was just my uncle and me.” I carry on talking. “Then he died… seven...seven years ago…” I can hear my voice start to crack as I fight back tears. A hand creeps into my vision and I gratefully accept the proffered paper napkin and wipe my face.

“Och, lass.” He says softly.

I clear my throat. “I'm sorry. We were having a nice conversation and then there I go, getting all teary. It’s just, well, we were a team, Uncle Lamb and I… the two musketeers. He was my hero.”

Blowing my nose in a most unladylike way, I toss the napkin into the neighbouring bin.

“And that’s pretty much me. As for a confession, well… I suppose it’s kind of one.”

He raises one eyebrow quizzically, making a better job of that than the whole winking lark, I think.

"Ok, well,  when I had your case, I tried to ring before I emailed you. I called the number in your case… twice. A woman answered and told me I had the wrong number—"

"Laoghaire."

"I know that now. But she obviously knew how to get onto your phone."

"Why did ye no' tell me?" He smiles as he says this. It's not a reprimand.

"I would have but you seemed to be coming to a conclusion anyway. No need to add more fuel to the fire."

"Happen ye're right."

He notices me shivering and gets to his feet. “Aye, there’s a bit of a chill. Fancy a wee walk tae warm up and we can carry on wi’ round two. It’s a quick fire round.”

I stand up and we move away from the pond. The ducks have already lost interest in us since they realise that we’ve nothing more to offer them. It’s pretty quiet in the park now, the cooler evening air seems to have kept people at home. The gravel crunching loudly under the soles of our shoes, I glance down and notice Jamie’s doing a sort of awkward stuttering movement with his feet. He’s clearly trying to match his stride pattern to mine. Which isn’t easy when his must be a good few inches longer than mine. Nice, considerate gesture, though.

“Sae, quick fire questions and answers. Ye can go first,” he says generously.

It only takes me a moment to think of a question that I have been wondering about ever since I explored the contents of his suitcase.

“What were you doing in Barcelona? I mean the contents of your case weren’t really fun-weekend-away stuff.”

“Nah, ye’re right. It wasna a holiday—flying visit only. I was there on business—talking tae a food wholesale company. Serrano ham, chorizo, saffron, that kind of thing,” he explains, a look of excitement on his face. “We’re expanding our range, starting with Spanish influenced recipes. A full three courses ready tae prepare, plus wine delivered straight tae yer door. Dinner party FraserFood style.”

He can’t stop smiling as he talks about these plans. And his hands move animatedly as he continues to elaborate on his new venture. His business is obviously his passion. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t got the desire for a relationship with a girlfriend—FraserFood seems to be his one love. No girl could compete.

He stops talking for a moment. “And here I am, boring ye.”

I shake my head. “Not at all, it’s really interesting.” I don’t have to lie. It’s the truth. My mouth is watering at his description of albondigas and flavoursome chicken and chorizo with cannellini beans. I’m ready to sign up for this delivery service any time.

“Sae, ma turn tae ask a question. Tell me, d’ye like this shirt?”

I try to stifle a laugh. The question is so unexpected and the shirt so awful. Trying to be diplomatic, I search for the right words, evading the actual question. “I’ve only seen you in white tops before, no colours.”

He sighs. “Ye’ve only seen me twice afore... anyway I dinna think ye need tae say any more. I ken ye’re being polite, but ye’re a terrible liar. I can tell by yer face ye dinna like this shirt. Laoghaire hated it, always made me change it. I did wonder if that was jes’ her being difficult. But apparently no’.”

“Sorry, I didn’t want to be rude.”

“Ye dinna need tae apologise, Claire. Being honest is a good thing, is it no’? And friends should always tell each other the truth. And that’s what I think we’re going tae be, Claire— friends. D’ye no’ agree?”

I crane my neck  and look Jamie straight in the eye. “Yes, I do… friends.”

[birdsthatsingaftermidnight]

So, we’re watching Return of the Jedi

The alarm going off has nothing to do with the force field being down and everything to do with Darth Vader arriving. AWOOOGA AWOOOGA WEAR LOOSE COLLARED SHIRTS SO AS NOT TO GIVE HIM IDEAS.

- - - 

"I hope so, Commander, for your sake. Don't make me promote you to Admiral so I can kill you and promote someone else to Admiral in your place!"

- - -

"Ne wanga wanga" tentatively translated as "We don't buy at the door."

- - -

"Look, R2! It's Captain Solo! And he's no longer frozen in carbonite! Now he's stored in a massive Irn Bru bottle as a conversation piece!"

- - -

Enter Princess Leia - Space BADASS. Seriously, I watched this when I was five or so and she made such an impact on me.

- - -

Whatever language that is, it doesn't half make "yoto" work for it.

- - -

It's Lando Calrissian! Cunningly disguised by covering his chin. Well DONE, Lando!

- - -

Han Solo falls to the ground, blind and shivering. "I can't see." "Shh. You’re over-reacting to the flu. Take some paracetamol and GET UP."

- - -

"Ho ho ho!" "What's that?" "Oh no! It's SANTA!"

- - -

Chewbacca: "Rarrr!" Tentative translation: "It's only a COLD! Will you PLEASE stop going ON!"

- - -

Luke's not doing anything to the Space D&D Orcs - they're just painfully shy and don't like being pointed at.

- - -

Luke's soft voiced instructions and Bib Fortuna repeating them is great.

- - -

Why doesn't Huttese have words for "Old", "Mind" and "Trick"? I can buy not bothering to translate "Jedi" but otherwise it's just plain lazy.

- - -

I always felt sorry, even as a kid, for the Rancor keeper. I mean, yes, he does enjoy watching the beasty eat people up, but he's SO SAD that his pet is dead! I hope he got a puppy or something to keep him company.

- - -

And where on earth are they going to find a shoe box big enough to bury him in the sad patch behind the shed?

- - -

What makes the Sarlak all-powerful? It's a toothy hole in the ground. It's not like he's going to come over there and get you if you don't stop talking shit.

- - -

Han Solo's dialogue from "I think my eyes are getting better" to "he'll get no such pleasure from us. Right?" is beautiful.

- - -

Bobba Fett - terrifying bounty hunter or space idiot? YOU DECIDE!

- - -

PRINCESS LEIA.

SPACE.

BADASS.

- - -

"Let's go. And don't forget the droids. And somebody lend Leia a t-shirt."

- - -

Yoda: "Twilight is upon me. Read them I have. Will to live lost. Mmmm."

- - -

Why does Luke have to confront Vader again in order to be a Jedi? It seems so arbitrary. Luke: "Instead of confronting Vader, can't I do like three moderately difficult things instead? Drain the swamp. Give you a mani-pedi. I don't know, bake you a cake?"

- - -

Luke: "You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father." Obi-Wan: "Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. Because he was a twat."

- - -

Luke: "Leia. Leia is my sister... but... we..." [Luke vomits in swamp.]

- - -

Mon Mothma, in a haunted voice: "Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

"Maybe we shouldn't have written it on Bothan hide."

- - -

General Madine's fake beard is INCREDIBLE.  Do you think he's on the run and thus in disguise?  If so, I really hope Madine's not his real name, because if it is Mon Mothma just outed him to EVERYONE.

- - -

I love that Han and Chewie bicker like they're a couple on a road-trip and one of them wants to stop and ask for directions.

- - -

"We're all in camouflage, blending in superbly with the Forest Moon landscape. This is excellent! No one will spot us! Let's just remember to bring our pessimistic, anxiety-ridden, SHINY GOLDEN droid with us! That will help us blend in YET MORE BETTER STILL!"

- - -

Finally, a Stormtrooper that hit something!

Seriously - you're going at a MILLION MILES AN HOUR on the Forest Moon of Endor, which is stuffed with Giant Redwoods.  WHY WOULD YOU LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER INSTEAD OF IN FRONT OF YOU? WHY?  That guy is now the poster child for speeder bike safety.

- - -

"Take the squad ahead! You don't need leaders! We're not necessary! You do your thing and we'll go rescue Leia from the Space Bears."

- - -

"Freeze!" [Leia removes poncho. It’s cold on that there moon.]

- - -

Space Bears, sir! THAAAAAAAZANDS OF THEM!

- - -

Why is Princess Leia not getting cooked?  Because, as previously discussed, she is a Space. Badass.

- - -

Ewoks: "We think he's a god. Just a really rubbish one."

- - -

"Now, C-3PO, if someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"

- - -

By the look on Princess Leia's face, she's just remembered the few times she kissed Luke.

- - -

Emperor: "You want this, don't you?" [Strokes lightsaber suggestively.] Luke: [shudders]

- - -

Emperor: "You, like your father, are now MINE." Me: "It's all going a bit Hugh le Despensers in here." Him: [Knows better than to risk an impromptu history lesson by asking.]

- - -

Everything Admiral Ackbar says is golden. Everything.

- - -

Darth Vader: "It is too late for me, son. Several books I took out of the Naboo library are twenty years overdue and I can't afford to pay the fines. The Emperor is not generous with his pay scales."

- - -

Imperial Officer, thinking: “We’re winning! But ooh… hang on. Ooh, no. The rebels are scary and they have guns and… hold up! I’ve got Stormtroopers! STORMTROOPERS! ADVANCE! Get them surrounded. More surrounded… bit more… Point your guns at them! Oh my good gravy, yes! YES! They’ve surrendered! NOW’S MY CHANCE! Imperial Officer, out loud: "You rebel scum!” Imperial Officer, thinking: "I AM THE GREATEST MAN ALIVE! YESSSSSS!!!!!"

- - -

Lando: "Only the fighters are attacking. I wonder what those star destroyers are waiting for?" [Cuts to star destroyer] Officer: "I wonder what we're waiting for?"

- - -

Alternatively: Lando: "Only the fighters are attacking. I wonder what those star destroyers are waiting for?" Emperor: "You may fire once peak electricity time is OVER, and NOT before!"

- - -

[Speculatively]: "Do you think Stormtroopers are like tortoises? It's not that the Ewoks are so mighty that pushing people over kills them, it's just they can't get up again."

- - -

I don't know why Darth Vader doesn't go down the route that Palpatine did when converting him. It worked well enough to convince him to do any number of rotten things!

"Give in to the dark side, Luke! WE HAVE COOKIES and the Emperor lets you stay up ALL NIGHT if you want!"

- - -

The saddest part of this movie is when one ewok tries to wake the other ewok then realises the other ewok is dead.

- - -

The Emperor does brilliantly evil enunciation.

- - -

The Emperor: "Your feeble powers are no match for the static generated by my polyester robe!"   [shuffles feet on carpet; zarks Luke.]

- - -

The guards the Emperor sent away when Luke arrives, peaking around the corner 1: "It's okay, Darth Vader will protect the Emperor. Yup. There he goes. Oh. Oh, he's lost a hand! Oh, no! It's okay! The Skywalker chap's given up! Oooh! Tough break with the lightning! It's okay though, I reckon we can relax. Darth Vader's not going to grab the Emperor and throw him down that- oh. Oh buggery fuck." The guards the Emperor sent away when Luke arrives, peaking around the corner 2: "Reckon it's time to join the Rebellion, Pete." The guards the Emperor sent away when Luke arrives, peaking around the corner 1: "Yup."

- - -

Darth Vader: "Do you think killing the Emperor is enough to get those library fines taken off?"

- - -

When is an A-Wing not an A-Wing? When it's suddenly a flaming Ford pick-up truck slamming though the window!

- - -

...do you think Darth Vader has to take vitamin D supplements in order not to get rickets?

- - -

Luke's plan: "Look everyone! I saved him! He's back to the light side!" Everyone else: "That's... Darth Vader." Luke: "Yep! And he's a goody now! Isn't that BRILLIANT?" Everyone else: "...um..." Luke: "Let's have a PARTY! Then we can find something for him to do! Isn't this GREAT?" Leia: <facepalm> Darth Vader: "I'm good with children. I have experience. Any you want getting rid of?" Luke: <beaming happily> Everyone else: <stunned silence> Darth Vader: "I'm good at making sure they don't get out of hand."

- - -

Luke: <sadly sets fire to Darth Vader.> Han Solo, downwind: "Could anyone else really go some barbecue right now?"

- - -

Ewok playing music on stormtrooper helmets: "There is a more than zero percent chance that we cooked and ate the previous inhabitants of what is now my new xylophone."

- - -

Force Ghost Obi-Wan: "Wait a minute. How did he get to come back as a young, handsome version of himself? WHY DIDN'T I GET TO COME BACK AS EWAN MCGREGOR?!"

[uncloseted]

Effy’s Closet Watches Skins: 303 “Thomas”

Hey guys!  Sorry for the delay in this recap.  I actually did a whole thing and then promptly restarted my computer and deleted it all.  But hopefully that means I just had that much more time to think about this episode and this recap will be a really good one.  More after the cut...

- The first thing I want to say is I love the images of Thomas at the very end of the intro.  You may not have noticed this, but for each episode, the intro ends with two shots of the character whose episode it is.  In Thomas' case, the first shot is of him alone in a field, turned away from the camera.  He's in a new place, totally isolated.  And in the next one, he's looking up, optimistically and cheerfully.  This is new to him, but he's going to figure it out.

- The first shot is this gorgeous view of the city, juxtaposed with Thomas' rundown, abandoned flat.  It's dingy and there's trash everywhere.  We don't see Thomas yet.  Just a close up of his hands putting down his cassette player and a photo of his family.  Already, we know what's important to Thomas- he's musical, and he cares about his family more than anything else.  The music starts playing, and we pan up to see Thomas with a big smile on his face, practicing in the dusty mirror- "hello! I am Thomas!  So glad to meet you!"  South African rapper Mapaputsi's song "Kleva" is what Thomas is listening to.  It's juxtaposed with images of Bristol- the Union Jack on a flagpole outside his building, the English flag flying off of someone's balcony.  Already, we've been introduced to the core of Thomas's dilemma throughout his entire time on the show- how much is he Congolese? How much is he British?  How much should he assimilate to British culture?  

Thomas does an adorable dance in his layers and layers of coats, hats,  and gloves.  This flat may look dingy to us, but to Thomas, it's luxury, and he's clearly so happy to be here.  He sets up his toothbrush and toothpaste with love, cleans some of the trash up, and sets out his sleeping mat.  The water in his shower comes out brown at first, but it's okay!  It goes clear eventually.  The color of his skin contrasted against the red tile in the bathroom is gorgeous.  The camera lingers for a second on Thomas' necklace that he later gives to Pandora- this is a necklace that's clearly important to him.

- Thomas exits his flat and looks out over his new city.  A woman comes out of her flat with her young son.  Thomas introduces himself, just as he practiced, with a big smile.  The little boy responds, "hello!" before getting dragged away by his mother.  Clearly she's not quite as excited to meet Thomas as he is to meet her, and he looks a little bit put down about it.

- Thomas calls his own mother, and she's not too different to the mother we just saw.  Thomas excitedly tells her that everything is great, that he found a super cool flat, that he's excited for her to see it, it's super luxury, really incredible... and all she wants to know is has he found a job. "Yes!" He lies, "I'm a sweeper... it's super easy", but before she can ask further, his card runs out of minutes.  He goes to the convenience store where he bought the card, saying "I bought this card for 120 minutes!"  The guy behind the counter is not having it.  Like Thomas, he's an immigrant, but he seems less than sympathetic to Thomas' plight. "My mother, she'll be very, very upset...." starts Thomas, and we get another insight into his personality.  He cares very much about what his overly critical mother thinks and wants to do her proud and prevent her from being angrier at him. Thomas digs in his pocket for more money, desperate to call his mother back, when some young English kids come into the store and begin stealing candy.   The man takes out his baseball bat to go and intimidate the boys, but Thomas' focus is on the donuts. Finally, he rips himself away to get involved in the fight that's quickly escalating in the shop.  A side note: the till in the shop says "no change given for the telephone", so it seems like maybe people try to rip this guy off frequently, or maybe he's just stingy.  Anyway, Thomas pulls one of the kids away and has a lovely little line, "cunt is a very bad word! Even in England, I think..."  Then his attention changes to the man, "what is this Paki they call you? Is that bad?"  And the man responds, "I'm from Delhi, I hate Pakis!"  I'm not sure why I love this line so much, but I do.  I guess it's because there's something so ridiculous and human about someone who was just targeted for their race being like, "I object to what you said because I also hate the group you just associated me with!"  The shopkeeper appreciates Thomas' help and rewards Thomas with a big bag of donuts, and Thomas looks pleased with himself that he could be of service.  As we find out through generation 2, Thomas is someone who takes honor very seriously, and who always wants to do the right thing (even when he's not totally sure what the right thing is). 

- At this point, if this is your first time watching the episode, you're probably wondering, "who are all those hooligans that we saw in the other two episodes, and who is this kid?"  But the show has a way of getting us to care about characters, and Thomas is no exception.  Anyway, he sits down at a bus stop to eat his donuts, and the camera pulls out.  Surprise!  There are Effy and Pandora, just waiting to meet this new boy who will eventually be very, very important to them.  And of course it's Effy and Pandora- who else would make friends with a random boy at a bus stop?  Maybe it's a bit ridiculous, but Pandora is ridiculous, and Thomas is a bit ridiculous, so the whole thing works really nicely.  At this point, I also want to point out that his series 4 episode starts in a similar way.  Instead of focusing on Thomas, it focuses on a new character, one we've never seen before, Sophia.  She walks by all of the main characters of gen 2, but instead of finding her Pandora, someone who will reach out to her and help her fit in... she jumps.  Skins is brilliant sometimes.  Back to the plot, Pandora is eyeing Thomas' donuts. It's hard not to, Thomas is eating them so enthusiastically.  Meanwhile, Effy is sitting disinterestedly, smoking a spliff and holding an Irn Bru.  Thomas belatedly realizes that he thinks he's being rude, and says, "of course!  I have too many!" and offers Pandora one.  He offers Effy one, and she turns him down. "Effy doesn't do donuts... [she does] drugs!" explains Pandora.  This is Thomas' first proper introduction to the idea that England has very different morals from Congo, but he's willing to see what happens.  Pandora takes a bunch of hits of the joint, and Thomas looks concerned (as he should be, given what happens next).  Thomas gives this cute small smile, like he likes this girl in spite of himself.  Effy looks super done with this whole situation, but Thomas doesn't seem to clock that.  He reaches out to shake her hand, like he practiced- "Hello! My name is Thomas! So glad to meet you!"  I wish I had something insightful to say about this interaction, but really I don't.  Thomas' energy compared to Effy's apathy is sort of funny, and I think again highlights the fact that the English are very different from the Congolese (or at least, from Thomas).  

Pandora pukes, and Effy is disgusted because this is the second time in two episodes that Pandora has done that.  Thomas throws Pandora over his shoulder like a goat, and they go to Effy's house.  Between these scenes, her boots changed from awful vinyl knee highs to her normal Sancho boots, but that still doesn't save this outfit for me.  What are those pearls, Effy?  Taking some fashion tips from Katie, I see...

- They enter the house, and Thomas pronounces it incredible.  Effy seems surprised by this, because she thinks of it as just a normal house, and it's a nice moment that underlines that Thomas had a very different upbringing from the rest of the gang.  There's also a blink and you'll miss it moment where Thomas realizes his hand is on Pandora's ass, and he looks just a little pleased before being all, "I must do the honorable thing!" and moving it.  They bring her upstairs and plunk her down on a chair.  "I think maybe these donuts are no good for you" he says with an incredibly endearing smile.  It's so obvious that he likes Pandora despite the fact that she's puking and overall just a total mess.  "Yeah, that must be it," Effy says, and she's warming up to him a bit.  She offers a little smile... and then she hears some noises from the other room.  Her suspicions have been confirmed- her mum is indeed having an affair. Thomas barges in and introduces himself to Anthea and Steve, breaking the tension, and Effy seems to appreciate it, giving him that little smile again.  Then she looks down, I guess because she's trying to process this, but it's hard to know what she's thinking.  Is it an "oh shit, I was hoping that this wasn't true" or is it a "fuck, now I have to keep this secret"?  It's hard to tell. 

- Thomas tries to make nice with his bitchy neighbor again- "good evening!" and she shuts the door without saying anything.  Thomas is clearly upset that she doesn't like him.  He goes to sleep and then is rudely awakened with a punch to the head.  Surprise! It's Johnny White, he owns this flat, and Thomas is squatting there. ��One wonders whether his bitchy neighbor turned him in.  This scene is great because Johnny's thugs are pure nonsense.  Johnny is trying to be serious, but clearly his thugs don't really know what they're doing and aren't very bright.  One of them (I think his name is Bennie) is played by the same guy as Mini's mum's boyfriend, but I don't think they're meant to be the same character.  "Put the kettle on, please, lads," Johnny instructs, and they sit there staring at the kettle.  Heavy goes to say something, changes his mind, waits a few moments, and then offers up, "It's taking a long time there, boss." The second thug comments, "I keep saying, like. Probably shouldn't watch it. You know?"  Hilarious.  Skins does such a great job with its comedic extras.  The water eventually boils and Johnny White pours it into a cup noodles with tobacco sauce and downs it, because he wants Thomas to "know what kind of man he's dealing with".  

Thomas mostly looks disgusted and a bit confused at what he's suppsoed to take away from this. Mostly he seems concerned about Johnny littering.  He demands that Thomas give him "£300 deposit by Desperate Housewives on Thursday."  There's a great interaction between the thugs that you might miss if you're not paying attention: "JOHNNY: Say goodnight to Thomas, boys. MAN 2: See ya, cocker. MAN 1: Cheers, Thommo. All the best. MAN 2: Be lucky. MAN 1: He seemed like a nice lad to me. MAN 2: Yeah, but John's gonna fuck him. MAN 1: Oh, yeah. He is."  What can I say? I'm a sucker for a punch clock villain. 

- Thomas records a message for his family.  Even though he's spent the majority of the episode complaining about the cold and his life has just been threatened, he tells them, "here, the sun shines just like at home and there are many wonderful people."  He's an inherently optimistic person. He really believes that things are going to work out.  He sings his siblings a song, which continues to play over a shot where Thomas (the only black person in the group) tries to get onto a truck so that he can do some construction work.  One of the men tells him, "this isn't your work", but then takes pity on him and lets him know about a temp agency where they'll take anyone.  

Thomas goes into the office and tries to make smalltalk with the woman placing him in a job.  She asks for special skills, and he offers "I play all music. I run very, very fast. Like a dog. Also, I am mathematical. I will solve any equation."  With each question she asks, he looks excited, like maybe this one will be the one where he has the right answer!  But she deems that he has no special skills, qualifications, or experience of any kind, and his face falls.  But still, he pushes on- "my mother is coming, you see, and she is a very fussy lady".  Even in the face of literal gangster Johnny White, Thomas is most afraid of his mother.

- Thomas is now a janitor at Roundview, because of course he is.  He cleans the hallway very thoroughly and admires his work. Then the bell rings, and a hoard of students come through completely destroying all the work Thomas just did.  He looks crestfallen.  Effy walks by, but she doesn't notice him, or maybe she doesn't recognize him.  We get a really great and iconic interaction between Katie and Effy here.  Effy is clearly still preoccupied with her mum's affair, and Katie still just wants Effy to like her, I guess because Effy still isn't giving her the time of day and that only makes Katie want her validation more.  "KATIE: Effy! Effy! Effy! Excuse me! Effy, hi! Look. I got a new top. It's cool, isn't it? When you've got tits like mine, you've gotta flash them haven't you? EFFY: Sorry? KATIE: Breasts, girl. You should try it. EFFY: I never try."  Katie looks genuinely confused by this, like she doesn't understand what sort of game Effy is playing.  Katie's whole life is about trying, and so the idea that she just... wouldn't... is perplexing to her, I think especially because Effy has everything Katie tries so hard to get.  Effy walks away and Katie turns her attention to Emily to get her anger at the interaction out of her system.  "Stop fucking following me, would you?"  Emily tries to protest, but Katie's already gone.  

Thomas has noticed the situation and engages Emily. "THOMAS: A strange place, this college. EMILY: Sorry? THOMAS: Everyone is loud and they care about nothing. EMILY: Yeah. You're right. THOMAS: You are the same as your sister. EMILY: I'm not the same as her. THOMAS: No? Maybe you're a little more pretty. EMILY: Cheeky."  Thomas is giving Emily an opportunity to take her power back, whether he means to or not.  He's letting her say, "I'm not like my sister", and it seems like it might be the first time she's ever actually said that out loud to someone. Maybe because Thomas is new, or the janitor, she feels like it's safe to say that to him.  He tells her that she's the more attractive one, and that's definitely something Emily hasn't heard before.  She looks reluctantly pleased and it's adorable.

- Emily walks away, and Thomas pronounces her backside as being "most satisfactory".  I like this because at times Thomas can seem a little too honorable.  This gives us a little reminder that he's still a teenage guy.  He turns his attention back to the hallway only to realize that it's a complete mess again.  And then he hears Africanish music and abandons his job to follow the noise.  It's a dance class where they're "acting Africa" and "stalking leopards".  Naturally, Pandora is in it, being an adorable... gazelle?  Maybe?  It's hard to tell what she's supposed to be, but she's really into it, and Thomas is charmed.  Pandora keeps dancing even after they're supposed to be done, in typical Pandora form.  

Thomas goes over to the drums and looks at the instruments.  He's comforted. "Hello, friend," he says as he begins to play.  This is the first time this episode where Thomas allows himself to let down his cheery exterior, to really feel homesick.  Pandora sneaks back into the room to see him under the guise of forgetting her tail.  She complements him on his "fast fingers" and then says, "Thomas? Why are you crying?"  And I love this because 1) Pandora remembers his name, even though she was so drunk she was puking when they met, 2) Pandora recognizes him, even though Effy didn't, and 3) she's not beating around the bush.  She sees he's upset and she doesn't want to be polite and pretend like she doesn't notice.  She just wants to help.  It's a really lovely scene, Pandora, an English girl, dressed up like Thomas' homeland, reaching out and trying to make him comfortable in his new home.

- Pandora takes Thomas to her Aunt Elizabeth's house, and fuck is that exterior shot gorgeous. They have a nice little conversation as they walk up to the house, "PANDORA: Effy told me you carried me back, stripped me naked, and laid me tenderly in your bed. THOMAS: Excuse me? I didn't... What? PANDORA: You must be wondrously strong to carry me. THOMAS: I've carried heavier goats. PANDORA: You're funny! THOMAS: Am I? PANDORA: Yeah. And you like all the same things as me. Dancing, doughnuts..."  I love this conversation.  First of all, Effy, you sly dog, you laid the groundwork for this ship!  But also, I like that they're showing us Pandora and Thomas getting to know each other, finding the things they have in common.  They're showing us why this relationship works, and in the thirty seconds that this scene is, I'm completely sold on the idea that they should be together.  Their outfits are great, too.  Pandora is all pastels and polka dots and Thomas has more muted tones and stripes.  They both look a bit ridiculous. They're not matching, but they're complementary, and I think it's such a nice reflection of their relationship, two people who are the same naive, optimistic, slightly bizarre type of person.  Thomas asks how many people live in Aunt Elizabeth's place, and Pandora says, "one! Auntie Lizzie has a wicked load of stuff."  And again, as in Effy's house, the point is underlined- this is not a world Thomas grew up in. 

 Auntie Elizabeth has a set of chainsaws displayed on her wall, as well as an umbrella stand filled with canes.  She does indeed have a wicked load of stuff.  Elizabeth gives them tea, and it turns out to be made from pot.  Thomas realizes that he has an opportunity here, and says "I would be very pleased to see how it's grown".  Aunt Elizabeth says that they can go once they've gotten "well and truly sconed" and I'm not sure if she knows the tea is weed or not.  Thomas says, "maybe I could sell some. I think people would like it very much!"  Aunt Elizabeth tells Pandora that she could do much worse and gives Thomas as much weed as he wants.  They go back to Thomas' place, and Pandora says, "You don't have much furniture in here, do you, Thomas?"  Thomas replies by talking about his mother again: "I must buy some before my mother comes. She is a powerful lady, most powerful. Especially on the backhand."  Pandora goes on a little rant about how there's hardly enough tea in the bag for three or four cups, and that's definitely not enough to buy a sofa, and looks horrified when Thomas puts the "tea" in a joint and goes to smoke it.   Finally, Pandora understands.  "You're amazing!" she says, and she kisses him in this really squishy, adorable, totally Pandora way.  "Wow, now I get it.  That was kissing."  They're such a great ship and the writers really messed up in series 4.

- Meanwhile, at the Stonem house, Effy is having a silent staredown with her mum while her dad prattles on about a fight Steve got in with the Managing Director of their company the background.  She has wine with her dinner, which I guess explains some things about where her parents are when it comes to her.  "You liked him, didn't you, love?" Jim asks Anthea.  Effy smiles a knowing smile while Anthea tries to get out of this conversation, but apparently Jim has invited Steve over for drinks because they have a lot in common.  That you do, Jim, more than you know.  "I've made a friend!" Jim says, and it's a bit heartbreaking because he seems so excited that he's got a friend.  The door rings, and Jim says, "that'll be him now" and goes to answer it.  Anthea and Effy get a moment to themselves. "It's more complicated than you think," Anthea tries, but Effy is angry. "It doesn't seem complicated. You're fucking my dad's line manager. No biggie."  Pandora shows up, and Jim asks her her name again.  When she answers, he mutters "ridiculous" under his breath, and I love it.  Anthea is trying to hide her face so Thomas doesn't recognize her, but to no avail.  He goes up to Jim and says, "So glad to meet you again!  You look different with your clothes on!"  I think that's pushing the limit of what's believable, but maybe to Thomas all white men look the same. 

- Cook, JJ, and Freddie are standing in a parking lot.  JJ tries to voice that he's still upset with Cook, but Cook is way beyond that.  Cook ogles the girls, and Freddie informs him that they all hate him because he's a tit.  Pandora and Effy explain the situation, and it becomes clear that Effy has gathered the troops here to help Thomas out.  At the mention of Johnny White, Freddie looks like he's about to back out, but at the mention of 13 ounces of weed, he's convinced of staying.  Then Naomi appears.  "Hi!" she says, and gives a little wave.  She's happy to be included.  But then right away, Katie is on the offensive, making gay jokes about Naomi, and Naomi turns right back around to leave.  "See you".  This is Naomi putting herself out there, and she immediately rejected and othered by this group.  She so badly wants to be like everyone else, to be included even though she wants everyone to think she doesn't care, and in just a few seconds of being there all of her suspicions are confirmed.  She doesn't fit in, these people don't like her, they're not going to accept her... and that's the final straw for Emily.  It's one thing to follow along with what Katie wants when she's the only person getting hurt, but this is Naomi, the love of her life, and Emily isn't going to stand for it. She can't let Naomi feel hurt and left out, and she needs to fix it right then and there. "Oh, for fuck’s sake! She didn’t kiss me, OK?...I kissed her. I was drunk and someone gave me MDMA and … I felt like fucking kissing someone. Satisfied?"  Finally the viewer gets confirmation of what we've suspected since the first episode- the relationship between Naomi and Emily is not nearly as simple as Naomi being some sort of predator.  

Effy gives this little smile.  She's proud of Emily for finally standing up to Katie, and she's been on this Naomily ship from the first time she saw the two of them in a room together, so I think she's very satisfied with the way this is progressing, thank you very much.  Then Effy looks over her shoulder, because of course Naomi is about to come back.  Emily has stood up for her, acknowledged in a small way that she likes Naomi as something.  Anything more than this would drive Naomi away and make Katie angry, but this? This is just toeing the line, and Emily gets what she wants.   Then Cook makes a gross comment about Naomi and Emily kissing, and Effy immediately shuts him down, "you promised us a party?"  And I love this, too, because she's protecting them.  Naomi and Emily aren't ready to talk further about their feelings and she knows that, so she distracts Cook.  Effy seems on the surface like she doesn't care about anyone or anything, but really, she's someone that wants to protect everyone around her as much as she can.

- Cook moves a manhole and reveals a gold light to rival the briefcase in Pulp Fiction.  It looks like they're in some sort of cave, and everyone goes to sell Thomas' weed.  But wait! Johnny White is here, and things are going to get messy.  But first, we have some more Naomily to attend to while Johnny White gets trampled by some pilled-up party kids.  "how much have you sold?" Emily asks Naomi, "I've done three bags."  Naomi looks scared and also like there's nowhere she'd rather be, and like she doesn't really know how to reconcile the two.  Naomi puts up her wall, "I don't even know why I'm doing this" as if the reason ("I'm doing this to spend time with you") isn't perfectly obvious to them both.  Effy appears to lurk in a corner and watch her favorite ship progress.  Naomi says, "I don't care what your sister thinks," but she does, she totally does, because what Katie thinks is important to Emily and Emily is important to her.  Naomi is standing sideways this entire conversation, not even looking directly at Emily.  Her body language is totally closed off.  Emily says, "Yeah, well, I do. So thanks anyway."  

The she takes a chance, not quite knowing how it will land.  She's been good about not pushing Naomi too far up until now, but now she's put herself out there for Naomi, and I think she's wondering if maybe Naomi will do the same. "I didn't take MDMA that night. I just wanted to kiss you. I want to kiss you now."  Naomi accuses Emily of being gay, and Emily apologises.  She knows that's too much for Naomi, that she's pushed her too far.  There's so much tension in this scene, both of them wanting but not knowing how to express their feelings in a way that's safe.  Naomi is too scared of what will happen if she says yes, if she admits that this is what she wants.  She knows it's something that could make or destroy her entire life.  So she runs away.  "Yeah, me too" is her response to Emily's apology, and on the one hand it seems like a "I'm sorry I can't be what you want" but I think it's really a "I'm sorry I'm not brave enough for this right now."  Emily being gay makes her life a lot more complicated, because now the potential for something to happen is real.  "Shit shit shit" Emily says, because she knows that she's pushed Naomi too far and maybe ruined her chance of something ever happening.  Emily turns around and there's Effy, who gives her a smirk and shakes her head a bit.

- Thomas enters the scene and hastily asks, "which are you?" to which Emily responds "gay! I mean, Emily."  I think this is the first time she's said that out loud and again, Thomas is the one giving her the opportunity to distance her identity from her sister's.  He finds it important to know which one she is instead of treating them as interchangeable.  He gives her the opportunity to say who she is.  And in response, he's the first person she trusts when she comes out, even if it's accidental.  Later, he’ll be the person she goes to when everything is fucked up with Naomi, but we’re not there yet. 

Then Johnny White pops up out of nowhere, and he's like "you're on my turf, we're going to beat you up" and Thomas runs, taking this opportunity to show off his rap skills.  Pandora is very impressed and blows him a kiss. She's lame and it's perfect.  Johnny for whatever reason doesn't recognize Thomas now that he's wearing a hat, and leaves, so Thomas is safe for now.  They leave the party and count the money.  Effy seems pleased that she's made this happen. - Johnny White shows back up and threatens Thomas before he notices Cook.  He rips his necklace off of Cook's throat, but before things can get worse, Thomas steps in.  Cook helped him out tonight, so I think he feels like it's the right thing to do to protect Cook (which is why it's so upsetting when Cook betrays him by sleeping with Pandora later).  They're friends now, and friends protect friends, at least in Thomas' mind.  So he says, "You must be some kind of English pussy cunt. You heard me. I think you're afraid. Possibly your father was a homosexual donkey. I will fight you by myself. You can choose any weapon."  Johnny challenges him to a spicy pepper eating competition. 

 Everyone looks very solemn, and Effy is making this face like, "how on earth did we get into this situation?"  She also looks nothing like herself in these scenes.  Johnny says that his men will rape all the women if Thomas loses, and Bennie is all, "Um, boss, the lads... The lads aren't too keen, you know, on the rape."  And Johnny is like, "I'm talking dangerous!  Can't anyone talk dangerous anymore? FFS."  And it pulls this contest back into the realm of reality again, so it ends up sort of working.  

The shot of the peppers is really lovely and so, so Skins.  Effy looks almost embarrassed to be here.  Thomas takes a handful of them and Bennie seems genuinely worried for him, but Thomas is perfectly fine.  He smiles- it turns out this is his special skill from the village.  Everyone is tentatively proud of him, and he even gets a "well done, Thomas" from Effy.  Apparently his mother would forbid him from eating them, but he was a very naughty boy and has built up something of an immunity.  Now Thomas knows he's in a position to bargain- "If I win, I pay you no money, and you leave me and my friends alone forever."  Johnny White predictably gets very fucked up from eating the same amount of peppers Thomas did, so Thomas wins.  The gang is very amused.

- Thomas has finally gotten that couch he wanted earlier in the episode, and the gang is celebrating with booze and weed (and donuts for Thomas).  Thomas also has a mobile phone now, so he no longer has to rely on those phone cards he was buying at the beginning.  Pandora demands he come to bed with her, saying that she wants him to be her first.  She says "what do I want? Surfing and turfing. When do I want it? Now" and it's adorable because she's clearly trying hard to be sexy but doesn't quite know how.  

Before Thomas can get down to it, though, the doorbell rings, and finally, after hearing so much about him, his mother arrives with a big smile.  Maybe she's not as strict as we thought?  Thomas' siblings run in to hug him.  They clearly adore him and missed him.  "Let's see the flat," she says, and he responds with, "but I thought you weren't coming until next week!"  She demands a kiss and then says, "it's too long for you to be without supervision" and smiles like she's made a great joke.  Her honorable, up before sunrise to milk the goats son would never get up to anything irresponsible.  But just as she says that, Katie walks by with a bottle of rum, Effy and Cook are passionately making out (it's worth noting that Freddie is not participating in the party, instead sitting exasperatedly on the couch), and Pandora comes to ask him when he's going to come jump her, because she's taken her bra off and everything... before realizing that there's a woman at the door, and she should be trying to impress her.  

Thomas' mother says that she's sending him home and that all of the Skins gang is disgusting.  We see one single tear roll down Thomas' cheek, and then he's packed his bags to go back to Congo.  Pandora sits in her Aunt Elizabeth's house, her head in Elizabeth's lap next to a giant chainsaw.  It's interesting that she goes to Elizabeth instead of her mother- we'll learn in the next episode why that is.  Sidenote: we see Aunt Elizabeth smoking a joint in this scene, so it seems like she did know what the “tea” was all along. Last thought: Effy seems OOC in the latter half of this episode.  Less in control, less fit and mysterious.  But she has just found out that her mum is having an affair and they've just gotten in a fight about it, so I think she's taking more drugs than usual.  Which explains why her face is a little more expressive than usual. 

[theoddcatlady]

My Friends Went On A Roadtrip Through Europe

The only reason I didn’t go on the ‘greatest trip of our lives’ was because I was in a car accident that nearly killed me.

It was bad. I wasn’t able to get out of bed without assistance for that first month. Broken leg, busted up ribs, I looked more like a boxer that just got out of a match gone bad than a recent highschool graduate who was planning on going to college as a psychology major.

My friends and I had been planning this trip since our freshman year in highschool. I know. It was fucking stupid. But we promised if we all graduated with a grade average of 3.5 or better and if we all scraped together the cash from after school/summer jobs, we’d take a road trip through Europe. Somehow we actually managed to do it, our parents were so impressed that they even kicked in some cash. The silly dreams of fourteen year olds were coming to life.

Whitney wanted to go to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower. Jade was all about Austria, she wanted to see where the Sound of Music was filmed. Jonah planned to eat all the chocolate he could stomach in Switzerland. Me? I wanted to see the countryside of every country- mountains, rivers, the ocean… But one week before the plane was supposed to take off, well, the accident happened.

I told my friends to go without me, but I made them promise to constantly send me updates and tell me how much fun they were having. So they left- Whitney, Jade, Jonah, Holden, and Tori. I even gave them a portion of the money I saved up so they could go crazy.

At first, everything was normal. I got pictures, they even sent me a package from England full of lil knick knacks and snacks. I hated the Irn Bru but the Cadbury chocolates were to DIE for. But everything went wrong shortly after Austria.

Below are the emails and messages my friends sent me when they had the time. These all take place over about three weeks. After that, everything goes silent. Their parents have yet to hear from them. They’ve filed missing person’s reports, but I think if any of them are still alive… they won’t want to be found.

From: Jade

Jesus CHRIST, you will not believe what happened last night, Lilah.

First off, let me make abundantly clear that no one is dead, and no the trip is not over yet. We got really lucky. Second off, Jonah is a fucking moron and I swear to god once his stitches are out I’m ripping him a new one.

Okay so last night we were out a bit late, we all got a little tipsy and we were heading back to the hotel. Legal drinking age is eighteen, it’s not like that time we tried to sneak into Beverly’s with those fake ID’s. On the way back, we stumbled across another drunk who made a pass at Jonah. And you know Jonah, his drunk ass reacted loudly and violently. I swear he was about to make a swing at the guy… but the other guy swung first.

I swear, the drunk guy fought like an animal, Jonah didn’t stand a chance. We barely managed to rip Jonah away from him before he ripped his throat out. It was bloody and MESSY.

We got Jonah to the nearest emergency room, got him patched up, headed back home to sleep it off. How much do you wanna bet that he won’t remember it in the morning?

I’m gonna hit the sack. Jonah is a moron.

From: Jonah

Jade told me she sent you an email about the fight. She really needs to chill, I’m really not that bad off. Besides, the guy was a creep.

I do remember what happened, despite what she thinks, we were heading back when, get this, strange guy complimented my SKIN. Said it looked smooth and rosy. That’s not even flirting anymore, that’s just creepy! I mean, he was totally your type, tall, dark, handsome, blue eyes and a bit of scruff on his face, but noooot mine.

I’m fine though, you can barely tell where the guy got me. I think he had a knife because I got ripped. Up. Can barely tell now, he must’ve just grazed me.

We’ll be looping back up and heading for Poland next. Gonna cross through Germany to do that, but I don’t mind the drive. Besides, Germany = MORE BEER.

Miss you, next time you will totally have to come along.

From: Tori

I really wish you were here. I miss you so, so much. How is your therapy going? I hope it’s going well, you really missed out on some beautiful views today. The camera doesn’t quite capture it, but I hope to paint it once I’m home with my supplies. Maybe I can bring a little of this place back to you.

I think I’m just homesick. I might cut my trip short and head back, I’m really worried about you.

From: Whitney

Did you talk Tori out of going home yet? I don’t think she’s willing to admit how spooked she got when that bum attacked Jonah. She started crying when she saw how bloodied he was. I was pretty freaked too, but it was way worse than it looked. He’s actually completely fine now. Stitches came out, there’s not even a scar. I’m pretty sure Jonah’s actually bummed there’s nothing to show off for when he gets home LOL. But yeah, nothing to worry about, he’s still the same energetic Jonah we all know and love.

Holden’s horrible at remembering to email you, I’ve told him like, six times. Did he do anything other than the one time he sent a what’s up? He totally only did that because I nagged him.

I wish we spent more time in Italy, but we’re making great time through Germany. I’m gonna go now, kick ass and take names at Overwatch for us when you can sit up, all right?

From: Tori

Jonah’s almost too over the top since the attack. I think he’s trying to make up for something, I don’t know what. It’s like… remember that time he pounded Mountain Dews all night while we were gaming? This was during our League of Legends phase (glad that ended) but Jonah was incredibly manic and he was constantly getting up to pace.

He’s like that but 24/7. I don’t think he’s slept a full night, and it’s almost impossible to make him stop for the night. We want to relax, there’s no rush to get to Poland. I’ll talk to him when I can get him to settle, see what’s wrong. Love you.

From: Jade

Welp, Tori went home last night.

Her clothes and passport are gone, she left a note saying she really missed you and her parents, she’ll make it up to us when we’re home. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed she didn’t talk to us beforehand.

She was right though, Jonah needs a chill pill. Is this how some people deal with trauma? Because I mean, you weren’t there, but that was… pretty bad. I can’t even imagine how Jonah feels, but he’s Jonah. He never lets anyone in. It’s why you two broke up sophomore year, kid has issues. I hoped this trip through Europe might help him learn about himself but I think it’s making it worse.

From: Whitney

WE’RE IN DENMARK BECAUSE APPARENTLY JONAH DECIDED POLAND WAS A STUPID IDEA.

Ugh, sorry. So Jonah offered to drive us through the night. I said no, but Holden and Jade were all for it. So I sucked it up, took something to make me drowsy, and konked out in the back seat. When I woke up, Jonah and Jade were having a shouting match and turns out, we’re in DENMARK. That wasn’t the plan. He didn’t clear this with us.

Holden’s on his side, saying that Denmark is a cool country too but Jade’s royally pissed. I can’t blame her. We promised at the beginning of the trip that we were to clear any travel plans with each other. We’d talk about it.

That’s another reason to miss you- you are SO good at talking. <3

From: Jonah

Everyone but Holden’s pissed at me.

Listen, I’m fine, I promise. I’ve just had to deal with some insomnia lately, is that really that bad? It’s not like I’m as bad off as you were. There was a brief moment that morning of the accident we all thought we’d lose you.

The insomnia goes away in the day. I can sleep then. Everyone can go and have fun during the day, I get to sleep, and at night I go do my shit. There’s. Nothing. Wrong with that.

I mean, another reason I wish you were here was that I’ve been having some… preeettyyy interesting dreams involving you, when I can sleep anyway. TMI. But maybe I should’ve been less of a puss with you back in the day. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.

When I’m back, can we go on a date? I’ll buy. Anywhere you want to go.

From: Jade

Jonah made a pass at me. And he’s not drunk.

I’m confused. And worried. Not gonna lie, he was pretty smooth about it, but I’ve never thought of him that way. He’s like that obnoxious little brother you love anyway. I told him no and he accepted gracefully.

Talking with Whitney and he also made a move at him… and at Holden? Jesus Christ, it’s about time that dumbass fell out of the closet. Holden’s pretty into it though. I’m wondering if this trip was actually a success in that matter.

We’re going up through Scandinavia now. Sweden, here we come!

At least we’re in some of the most gay friendly countries in the world right now… although I swear to god I think someone’s been following us. I’ve spotted this small white car twice now and I think it’s the same driver. But I’m probably just paranoid.

From: Holden

i know i dont email you often. i hate writing.

but something’s really wrong with jonah. i think he hurt someone.

last night we went out for drinks. ive always thought jonah was cute but never thought hed give me the time of day. we shared a hotel room, nothing happened but it was nice.

but I woke up this morning and I was trying to find something to wear and I accidentally went through one of jonah��s bags because our bags look the same and

i found one of his shirts. it’s covered in blood. And I found tori’s passport. it’s also bloody.

i’ve been reading and there’s been two bodies on the same route we’ve been going. i also called tori’s mom and she hasn’t heard anything from her daughter. she hasnt gone home. what should I do lilah? you were always the smart one.

From: Jade

Jonah’s lost his goddamn mind.

I’m surprised I get signal out in the middle of nowhere but Holden asked him about Tori and Jonah got really defensive. Then he brought up clothes covered in blood and that Tori never made it home and… Jonah snapped.

He pulled over to the side of the road and lunged for Holden. Whitney tried to break it up and got pretty fucked up for it. They’ll be okay as soon as we get to a hospital or something.

He’s gone now. He took the keys with him. I’m gonna try and call for help but jesus christ how have things gone so wrong?

From: Jonah

(This email was sent to all of us, along with the next one.)

I’m with Master now. He never meant for this to happen. He never meant for me to get turned. He tried to find me but my own stupidity kept us going… I’m so mad at myself. I should’ve told you guys what’s been going on. I’ve been barely sleeping, any sort of bright light fucking hurts, and Tori…

I never meant to hurt Tori. I swear to god. She was one of my best friends. But she’s dead. And I killed her. I couldn’t stop myself. By the time I came to my senses, I’d shredded her to pieces. If they ever find where I dumped her, she’ll probably be a Jane Doe for the rest of time.

Master found me running around around and stopped me. We’re someplace safe now. He’ll help me.

But I need to know one thing-

Did I bite you guys?

From: Whitney

You bit me. And you bit Holden.

Jade’s fine. For now. I don’t know how long though. I feel strange. Like there’s something burning in my head and down my spine. Please find us. Holden’s starting to feel strange too.

Lilah, we love you so much.

Please, don’t try to come find us. Go to college. Have fun. Make new friends. Study hard. Forget about us.

We’re dead anyway.

[lethaderr-blog]

Sometimes you’ve just gotta get away from it all. Living in the city, you get used to the noise, the crowds, and the traffic. As much as I love cities, it’s a good idea to take a break from them, too. Well, if you live in and you’re looking for a road trip from Toronto, Hamilton, Kitchener, London, or any other city, I’ve got a plan for you. Head straight to Perth County, for a peaceful getaway where you certainly won’t have to deal with noise, crowds, or traffic.

Where is Perth County? A Perth County Map

Not to be confused with the town of Perth, , Perth County is a large land mass just west of Kitchener, Cambridge, and Guelph. It’s also north of Woodstock and London. If you’re planning a road trip from Toronto, Perth County is about 1 hour 30 minutes or 2 hours from the city, depending on where you’re headed.

Perth County has four townships or municipalities within it: North Perth, Perth East, Perth South, and West Perth. In this article, I’ll organize these places to visit in for the weekend under these four geographical categories to make your trip planning a little easier. Here’s a map to not only show you where Perth County is located, but also to provide the details of every stop I made on my trip.

Perth County: Perth East

At the heart of Perth East lies the village of Shakespeare, known as Perth County’s antique capital. While you’ll definitely want to hit up the shops in town, there are also opportunities to sample local produce, pints, and pristine nature.

Shakespeare Brewing Company

Who loves visiting local craft breweries? The village of Shakespeare is home to Shakespeare Brewing Company, owned by husband and wife team, Ayden and Katie. On their travels through Europe, the couple stayed at an old English farm with a microbrewery where Ayden learned how to brew beer. Before long, they started Shakespeare Brewing and the rest is history!

Staying true to the region, their beer is brewed with locally grown ingredients like barley and 100% grown hops. Shakespeare Brewing supports local agriculture, farmers, and small businesses, taking the concept of “locally made” to the next level.

Keeping with the Shakespearean theme, their craft beers are all named for animals and feature those animals wearing Olde English attire. The art on each tall boy can is quite visually stunning. While you should definitely take some cans home with you, I recommend sampling some freshly brewed beer on site. Ordering a flight is a great way to try a few beers to discover your favorites.

I tried the Reckless Rooster (an Pale Ale with a citrus hop aroma), the Bumbling Bear (a blueberry wheat beer) and a special one only available on tap, the Strawberry Vanilla beer. Ayden is always crafting new varieties, so there will always be rotating flavors to try every time you visit. My favorite of the three was the Bumbling Bear because I’m definitely a sucker for the fruity wheat beers.

Exploring the Village of Shakespeare

Though the village of Shakespeare is pretty small, it’s one of my new favorite places to go in . Its packed with unique shops with intriguing gifts and things for many interests. A stop in Shakespeare is worth the road trip from Toronto. Its main street has several diverse shops with a main focus on antiques. You can easily spend a couple of hours here browsing the shelves of enticing finds. Here are a few of the best shops in Shakespeare.

Harry Ten Shilling

Harry Ten Shilling is an adorable tea shop in the heart of Shakespeare. If you aren’t able to stay for afternoon tea, browse this store with several Instagrammable rooms and displays featuring local handicrafts, bath and body products, jewelry, gifts and more.

The British Touch

The British Touch features all things British, whether you’re seeking your gifts, tea, or your favorite grocery items that are only found in the UK. As we had recently visited Scotland this past year, I had a craving for some Irn Bru and couldn’t resist picking up a few cans of it!

Land and Ross Antiques

Land and Ross Antiques is packed with high quality antiques and treasures. They also specialize in custom furniture design and restoration. You’ll find many classic and rare items over a century old that will surely add a special flair to your home. Make sure to say hello to their adorable dog, too!

The Quilt Place

Are you into quilting or sewing? You won’t want to miss stopping by The Quilt Place! They have reams upon reams of fabric for every project, as well as hundreds of quilting books and patterns. Take a peek upstairs to see a few bedrooms adorned with beautiful quilts for extra inspiration. When making the road trip from Toronto to Perth County and Shakespeare, I’m certain that many quilting enthusiasts make an extra trip here as I haven’t seen a store quite like this one.

Shakespeare Conservation Area

After browsing the shops of Shakespeare, drive a minute up the road to the Shakespeare Conservation Area to soak up the sights and sounds of glorious nature. The Shakespeare Pond is a great spot for a picnic beneath its shaded pavilion or at a picnic table beside the water.

Then, take a stroll around the pond to go bird watching, get some exercise, or to simply snap a few photos. I managed to meet a couple of locals who were also having a picnic lunch. It was wonderful to engage in a great chat with them. After making the road trip from Toronto to the country, I thoroughly enjoyed this laid back approach to the day by taking stroll at the pond and leisurely chatting to area residents.

TIP: Be sure to bring your sunscreen and your bug repellent while going for a walk at the Shakespeare Conservation Area. It’s always a good idea to protect your skin from the sun and the bugs. Don’t forget to bring your refillable water bottle!

TNT Berries

TNT Berries is a sea buckthorn and blueberry farm where you’ll find the freshest and tastiest berries. They have a blueberry farm where you can pick your own berries when they’re in season (generally around mid-July to August). The blueberries were only starting to come into season when I visited. They tasted amazing right off the vine.

Have you heard of sea buckthorn berries? They’re tasty little berries that are a little bit tart. They have high levels of vitamin C, antioxidants, 18 amino acids, omega 3-6-9 and 7, beta carotene, and over 190 phytonutrients! You can add them to smoothies, jams and jellies, or even as an extra flavor in your water bottle.

When I visited TNT Berries, the sea buckthorn berries were still green. When ripe, they turn a beautiful shade of orange. I recommend that you purchase some frozen berries from Nadia as they’re quite delicious when consumed frozen. When making the road trip from Toronto to the rural communities of Perth County, you’ll want to visit their farm gates and farm shops to sample farm fresh produce.

Organic Oasis

Organic Oasis is an organic farm and farm store, selling unique and locally produced goods. Owners Jessie and Adam Young come from a long line of farmers, and they continue to explore innovative farming methods for better yields. I went on a guided tour of the farm, including soaking up the breathtaking views from “Happy Hog Lookout.”

While the farm has animals like pigs and chickens, my main interest lies in their fruits and veggies, as I don’t consume animal products. They have large patches of land for fruits and vegetables in the summer, as well as large greenhouses to extend the growing season. There’s even flower gardens and spaces to encourage Monarch butterflies to survive and thrive.

The Organic Oasis farm store features locally grown produce straight from their farm, and it’s all 100% organic. You’ll notice signs and labels denoting the products and produce grown on site. There are a few things like avocados and citrus that can’t be grown in ; for the most part, everything comes directly from their farm or nearby local farms.

Where to Eat: Dave’s Diner in Sebringville

Dave’s Diner in Sebringville is a favorite restaurant among locals. I found a couple of items on the menu that were vegan and completely contrasted one another: a healthy garden salad and a big plate of French fries. It’s good to have a little bit of both healthy and not so healthy, right?

Regardless of what you order, you need to try their fries. They’re definitely some of the most delicious fries I’ve ever had! After chatting briefly with Dave, I discovered that he has a secret blend of spices that make those fries extra special. I asked if he could share his secret recipe with me, but he’s definitely keeping this one under wraps. You’ll have to head to Dave’s Diner to sample the fries and let me know what you think!

Perth County: North Perth

It’s time to swing up to North Perth for a taste of rural living in Perth County . North Perth has plenty of locally owned businesses in town, as well as a vibrant sense of community. Whether you take a stroll through town or take part in a local festival, you’ll enjoy the best of both worlds as urban meets rural. When making the road trip from Toronto or other nearby cities to Perth County, Listowel is a fantastic destination for exploring a town steeped in rural traditions.

Goats on 86

Goats on 86. This one is wildly popular with anyone traveling through the area. Just search for the hashtag and you’ll see what I mean!

Goats on 86 allows a local family to share their love for their pet goats and alpacas with the community. The animals live in a very large yard by their home. You’re welcome to pay the goats and alpacas a visit anytime you like. There are dispensers with corn if you’d like to feed them; make sure you don’t feed them anything but this corn. Though you have to pay a small fee for the corn, the family donates that money to a local charity.

Yarn Factory Outlet store for all the knitters and crocheters in the crowd. As you walk away from the Yarn Factory Outlet shop, you’ll see a couple of walls with spectacular street art / murals to admire.

When I visited Listowel, it was right in time for the 163rd Listowel Agricultural Fair. There was a tractor parade rolling through town, a classic midway, and an agricultural hall with various ribbons assigned to talented members of the community. I wandered through the fair for a slice of country living. It was also super cute to overhear some local children discovering that they won a prize for an art or craft project.

Where to Eat: Cowan’s Community Fresh

Cowan’s Community Fresh in Listowel is an independent, small business focusing on local and organic whole foods. They support local farmers, growers and producers in Perth County and . This small grocery store is very vegan-friendly with many vegan grocery and pantry items. There’s always a vegan prepared salad or meal available on hand. I highly recommend trying the avocado salad, which comes with a side of cashew cheese as a topping. Yum!

Perth County: Perth South

Perth South has an assortment of activities and attractions. Looking for something sporty? Head to River Valley Golf (which also doubles as a snow tubing attraction in the winter). Looking for history and culture? The Stratford Perth Museum has rotating exhibits highlighting local celebrities and lifestyle. And there’s lots of locally produced food in this farming region, of course. If you’re thinking about southwestern day trips or weekend getaways, don’t miss these spots in Perth South.

McCully’s Hill Farm

McCully’s Hill Farm is a farm shop that I really wish that I had closer to home. They specialize in homemade preserves, maple products, baked goods, prepared meals, and garden fresh produce. I was thrilled to see a vast assortment of pickles, flavors of relish, unique types of jam, fresh salsa, maple mustard, and many more drool-worthy products.

After chatting with the owner, Dennis, I could see his passion for his market fresh farm operation, as well as creating innovative products for those living in the region. In addition to the farm and farm shop, McCully’s operates school tours for children, a fall harvest festival, and a maple syrup festival in the winter. It seems as though there’s always something fun and entertaining happening at McCully’s! It’s definitely one of my top picks for foodie places to visit in southern , especially if you’re planning a trip to Perth County.

The Stratford Perth Museum

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I arrived at the Stratford Perth Museum. As I pulled into the driveway, I noticed that the museum was situated inside a historic home with a massive extension attached to it. What treasures would I find inside the Stratford Perth Museum? As it turns out, this museum has a slice of local life that suits many interests and tastes, including music, the arts, local history, oddities, war history, and so much more.

What makes the Stratford Perth Museum so intriguing? Their exhibits are continually rotating so the museum always stays fresh. You can visit year after year, enjoying entirely new exhibitions. There’s really so much that Perth County has to offer, and the Stratford Perth Museum emphasizes new details and aspects of that local history time and time again. For instance, there are ongoing exhibits illustrating Stratford’s Shakespearean Festival, including artifacts, props and costumes. The region’s railway history and glimpses into Perth County from the early 1800s are also prominently featured.

However, Perth County is a very important place in terms of Canadian music history. Did you know that three prominent Canadian musicians from Stratford and Perth County performed at the Woodstock festival? This exhibit includes personal stories and memorabilia from one of the most memorable and important music festivals in history.

And then there’s the exhibit that has drawn thousands upon thousands of visitors to the Stratford Perth Museum from all over the world. Justin Bieber: Steps to Stardom highlights Bieber’s humble beginnings, busking on the steps of the local Avon Theater through his rise to fame. There are hundreds of items, many donated from Justin Bieber’s family or the Biebs himself, including awards, drum sets, clothing, shoes, and even library cards. And in case you were wondering, there are even opportunities for selfies!

Where to Eat: River Valley Golf

By summer, it’s a beautiful golf course. By winter, it’s a snow tubing adventure park. River Valley Golf certainly has all four seasons covered for fun things to do in Perth County. Even if you aren’t partaking in a round of golf, their restaurant has a great selection of appetizers, burgers, and sandwiches. I ordered a veggie burger with a side of fries that was super yummy.

Perth County: West Perth

In West Perth, I explored the town of Mitchell. It’s home to a bustling historic downtown with many shopping options, as well as natural attractions with many parks, trails, and wetlands. If you’re taking a road trip from Toronto and you love adorable towns, you won’t want to miss a stop in Mitchell.

Shop at Jillian’s

Jillian’s is an absolute gem of a home decor store in Perth County. People travel from all over to shop at this boutique, and I can see why they come from far and wide. Jillian’s is such a beautiful store with home furnishings and decorations that I haven’t seen anywhere else. They have dozens of various displays featuring their one of a kind items to suit all styles. From colorful cushions to artsy pots and planters, you’ll be sure to find that special something that would look right at home in your home. It’s one of the best places to go in for home decor.

West Perth Wetlands

After you take a little walk around downtown Mitchell, make your way to the West Perth Wetlands, also in Mitchell. These 65 acres are a total paradise for nature lovers, including hikers, walkers, photographers, and bird watchers. There are 3 rehabilitated ponds, 10km of walking trails, and over 4700 different kinds of plants. A portion of the trails are accessible for wheelchairs, scooters, and baby strollers, while other sections are a little bit more rugged. When you enter the wetlands from the parking lot, there’s a fabulous wooden viewing platform where you can soak up the beautiful surroundings.

Most importantly, this is a natural habitat for many species of bird species and wildlife. You can find over 200 different species of breeding and migratory birds at the West Perth Wetlands. If you’re lucky, you might be able to spot some of them! The stunning nature in Perth County is totally worth the road trip from Toronto, Hamilton, and other cities.

Where to Stay in Perth County

My top pick for where to stay in Perth County is the Forest Motel, just outside of Stratford. I had an incredible two nights’ stay. This motel is a destination in itself for its natural surroundings and amenities alone. It’s the best place to stay when you’re taking a road trip from Toronto to Perth County for the weekend, a few days, or longer.

At the Forest Motel, you’ll stay in a warm and cozy private room with an en suite bathroom, flat screen TV, complimentary Wi-Fi, fridge, microwave, and Keurig coffee maker. Breakfast is complimentary each morning, too.

Everyone who stays at the Forest Motel receives free access to the property and its activities, including 32 acres of forest and trails, a private lake with canoeing and kayaking (I even saw a blue heron while kayaking!), lakeside bonfires, BBQ grills, and snowshoeing in the winter. The staff are lovely and very welcoming, and you might also be welcomed by the resident swan family, too! If you’d like to meet the swans, they waddle up around 5:00pm each day for their dinner, and I was lucky enough to arrive just as they were quacking for their meal.

Be sure to book your stay at the Forest Motel for amazing service, a comfortable stay, and to take advantage of the complimentary outdoor adventures. I chatted with guests who return to this accommodation year after year for one of the best southern getaways. If you’re looking for places to visit in for the weekend, plan your trip to Perth County and be sure to stay at the Forest Motel. Be sure to read more reviews by fellow travelers.

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Want to see more photos of Perth County?

Check out my whole collection of pictures from Perth County . You can buy prints, canvas art, housewares, and more of my photos. Click the “buy” button by any pic!

Learn More

I hope that I’ve inspired you to take a road trip from Toronto, Hamilton, or any other spot in and beyond to this gem of a region. Not only will you breathe the fresh air and reap the benefits of a less populated area, but you’ll also find so many unique things to do in Perth County.

PIN one of the above images to Pinterest for future reference. Click the top left corner.

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Thank you so much to Perth County Tourism for hosting my stay. This post contains affiliate links. If you click one of them, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Have you visited any places in Perth County, ?

The post Road Trip from Toronto to Perth County: The Perfect Getaway for Small Towns and Beautiful Nature appeared first on Justin Plus Lauren.

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The Daily Thistle

The Daily Thistle – News From Scotland

Wednesday 31st  May 2017

"Madainn Mhath” …Fellow Scot, I hope the day brings joy to you…. the weather in Estepona was wonderful yesterday, and more is expected today with the temperature in the high 20c ... Bella and I can certainly handle this type of weather.... a little windy this morning as we stepped out for the walk, but nothing a cup of coffee can't put right, Oh! and a dog biscuit....

LOSSIEMOUTH THE HOTTEST PLACE IN UK BEFORE EXPECTED STORMS…. The north of Scotland was the hottest place in the UK Sunday as temperatures soared to an unseasonally warm 29C. The two day heatwave came close to, but did not exceed, the Scottish record temperature for May, which is 30.9C recorded in Inverailort in the Highlands five years ago. Portobello Beach in Edinburgh was busy with people enjoying the sun. Yesterday Lossiemouth in Moray proved the hottest place at 29C but Kinlochewe in Wester Ross managed a respectable 27.8C with Inverness, Altnaharra and Drumnadrochit reaching 27C. In the central belt, temperatures of 27C were also recorded in Edinburgh and Glasgow. However hopes for a fine Bank Holiday weekend were dashed with the Met Office issuing yellow “be aware” warnings for heavy rain in Scotland today and tomorrow. Forecasters warned that there could be some torrential thundery showers, with the Highlands expected to face downpours both days. On social media, Mountaineering Scotland encouraged hillwalkers and climbers planning a trip to the hills to check its advice on what do if there is lightning during forecasted thundery weather. Elsewhere in the UK, a yellow warning for wet weather came into force at 4pm Sunday for Northern Ireland and today a second weather warning predicts heavy rainfall for all of the north of England, Scotland and Northern Ireland.

ABERDEEN’S PLAYPARKS TO GET £1M-PLUS REFURB…. A total of £1.3million is to be spent on upgrading play parks across Aberdeen. The City Council’s communities, housing and infrastructure agreed to spend £450,000 capital funding and additional £826,000 revenue funding. Aberdeen City council is to invest in upgrading its playparks. The committee also agreed to the appointment of additional fixed term staff, paid for through the additional revenue funding, to assist permanent staff in the delivery of the programme. A report to the committee said the refurbishment of the playparks were being taken forward on a priority basis and will involve community consultation on the final design of each of the larger play areas. The refurbishments are part of a rolling programme which has taken place over several years and also includes an annual play equipment audit.

HOW CLUBBERCISE FITNESS CRAZE IS TAKING OVER SCOTLAND…. It is the latest exercise craze to follow the likes of Zumba, Boxercise and spinning. Now the generation who grew up to the sounds of the likes of Candi Staton can recreate the clubbing memories of their youth – while getting fit at the same time. Clubbercise classes across Scotland – from Dumfries to Kirkwall – are packed out, with waiting lists of up to 50 ravers wanting to combine exercise with glow sticks and disco balls. The classes – held, like any exercise classes, in church halls and community rooms – take place in the pitch dark, with music ranging from 90s classics to the latest chart hits. Glow sticks are handed out to participants and disco balls add atmospheric lighting. The idea was the brainchild of Claire Burlison Green and two friends, who wanted to incorporate an exercise class with the feeling of a night out and popular music. The franchise, which now has more than 2,000 trained instructors UK-wide, won the Fitness Brand of the Year award at the first annual National Community Fitness Awards in November. Burlison Green said: “We’re thrilled to see how popular Clubbercise is in Scotland – people here have totally embraced it. I think the reason people love the classes so much is that it’s exercise in disguise – it feels like a night out with your mates, but thankfully you won’t suffer a hangover the next day. “What’s more, Clubbercise is totally accessible and inclusive in that you don’t have to be a brilliant dancer to attend a class; you can relax, enjoy yourself and burn a good few calories at the same time. It’s a healthy way to socialise and enjoy yourself.” Julie Nisbet, who runs Clubbercise classes in Edinburgh, has a long waiting list for her popular twice-weekly sessions. The vast majority of her clients are people who were teenagers in the 1990s – many of whom now have children and are unable to hit the town on Friday nights – who want to use the class as a chance to let go, but also burn off some calories. “It’s like a night out without the hangover or the cost of a taxi home,” said Nisbet, a high school modern studies teacher. “I really try to create that party atmosphere.” Nisbet previously worked as a Zumba instructor and switched to Clubbercise last year. “I had to take a break after an injury, and when I wanted to start up again I heard �about Clubbercise and thought it sounded great,” she said.

BARACK OBAMA INTRODUCED TO IRN-BRU IN ST ANDREWS…. Former US President Barack Obama was enjoying a round of golf before giving a major address at a charity dinner on Friday when he tried the drink. His private jet touched down at Edinburgh Airport on Friday morning, with a full motorcade leaving shortly afterwards. He then made his way to the Old Course in St Andrews, Fife. Some locals were lucky enough to meet the former White House resident. One such person was Danielle Clark Bryan, 26, who is a student at University of St Andrews. She said: “I was the first person to shake his hand, he came over and said: ‘how’s everyone, let’s shake some hands’. “I happened to be in his eye line and I asked how he was but he didn’t respond. “You can hear him joking with his friends, it sounds like he’s having a really good time.” Obama also spoke with 11-year-old Joseph Lynch. Joseph said: “It was brilliant. He asked what was my name, how old I was and told me that I was a good looking guy. “Apart from missing a shot a couple of minutes ago, he seems quite good at golf.” Marcus Tannerbaurer, 26, also a St Andrews student, was impressed with his golfing skills. He said: “We shook his hand he seemed really nice. I’m not one to judge anyway because I’m not very good but he seems pretty good.”

CELTIC MAKE HISTORY WITH SCOTTISH CUP WIN….  Celtic have become the first team in Scottish football history to complete an entire domestic season unbeaten following their late 2-1 Scottish Cup final victory over Aberdeen. Goals from Stuart Armstrong and a stoppage time winners from Tom Rogic handed Celtic their 37th Scottish Cup win, in the week in which the club celebrated the 50th anniversary of the Lisbon Lions’ European Cup defeat of Inter Milan. The win means Celtic have gone through 47 games this season without defeat – 48 if including last season – winning the Ladbrokes Premiership, Scottish Cup and Betfred Cup. It is the fourth treble in the club’s history, Brendan Rodgers joining illustrious company in Martin O’Neill and Jock Stein, who achieved it twice. The treble was first obtained in that memorable 1966-1967 season, with the second coming two seasons later. Martin O’Neill took the Hoops league, Scottish Cup and League cup success in the 2000-2001 season. As well as the trio of trophies Rodgers has also led Celtic to a record points total.

On that note I will say that I hope you have enjoyed the news from Scotland today,

Our look at Scotland today is of the River Orchy which is a river that passes through the village of Dalmally, Argyll in the West Highlands of Scotland. It rises in the Black Mount Forest, and flows southerly, passing through Loch Tulla and Glen Orchy before reaching Loch Awe... The things you learn reading The Daily Thistle everyday....

A Sincere Thank You for your company and Thank You for your likes and comments I love them and always try to reply, so please keep them coming, it's always good fun, As is my custom, I will go and get myself another mug of "Colombian" Coffee and wish you a safe Wednesday 31st  May 2017 from my home on the southern coast of Spain, where the blue waters of the Alboran Sea washes the coast of Africa and Europe and the smell of the night blooming Jasmine and Honeysuckle fills the air…and a crazy old guy and his dog Bella go out for a walk at 4:00 am…on the streets of Estepona…

All good stuff....But remember it’s a dangerous world we live in

Be safe out there…

Robert McAngus