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#i wonder if I could have made it longer
graynide · 3 months
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"Oh! Hey Harold! High Fi- aahahAHAHA?? WHAT?!"
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"uhh, Harold? Notice anything out of the ordinary?"
i couldn't help myself
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Alright! Shop is up and running at Ko-fi. The page is not much to look at yet, but the shop works.
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always-a-joyful-note · 6 months
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Welp. Tag tagged by @justplaggin for the game
rules: spell out your name or url with songs
I couldn't resist, and thank you very much for it, Jay/Plagg!
To challenge myself, I'm gonna see if I can stick to songs from anime East Asian shows/stories
A - All-in (Alien Stage)
L - Last Dimension (TRIGGER)
W - wi(l)d-screen baroque (Revue Starlight)
A - Artistic Partisan (ALKALOID x Valkyrie)
Y - Yumemiru Architecture (Kagehira Mika; Enstars)
S - STRONGER & STRONGER (Zool)
A - Ame (MEZZO)
J - Joker Flag (IDOLiSH7)
O - OMEGA (STEREO DRIVE FOUNDATION; Yuukoku no Moriarty)
Y - Yume Shizuku (Re:vale)
F - Forever Note (MEZZO)
U - Until it Dies (覃云; Link Click)
L - Lily (Luck Life; Bungo Stray Dogs)
N - Now and Then (Re:vale)
O - Or the Beautiful Golden Drop (Knights; complete version out on May 22, so have the game version)
T - THE POLiCY (IDOLiSH7)
E - Eccentric Party Night!! (Five Eccentrics)
19 songs...and I tried to find ones that I genuinely enjoy right now (RIP to me making this challenge harder), so hence, the above mostly-Japanese-dominated list.
No pressure tags: @bobisnolongerhere @lizzieonka @rosencrantzsguildenstern @msperfectsheep-posts @mahounonbinary @praise-the-lord-im-dead @nitunio @akitchenknife @teslathelame @koi0boi @mihai-florescu @forebodinglight @imissthembutitwasntadisaster and anyone else seeing this because i am now incredibly curious about what songs you will choose (im so sorry if I forgot someone)
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skunkes · 4 months
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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pov you’ve just reread the yi city arc… except that clearly wasn’t ENOUGH because of course your analysis brain had to take over and search for parallels, so you have to go and reread and save the most depressing WWX scenes right after…
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i’m fine :))
#catalyst was “at that momrnt wwx saw himself in xxc”#brain: but was there a specific moment on wwx’s end too (or was it more general)? which instant?#(the description made it seem more like a specific moment but it doesn’t ABSOLUTELY rule out the other option)#my money’s on nightless city just post jyl death but it’s not 1:1#of course seeing as it’s describing a feeling. it does NOT have to be 1:1#but you have the parallels between xxc finding out he killed the person he was closest to (sl)#and then wwx seeing i’d say the person he was closest to (jyl) die for his sake#while accusations from others are being thrown#and they’re currently not denying#i was wondering if it could be referring to some time during the siege as well but i’m not sure wwx would be-#unable to “do anything except silently acknowledge the critiques and accusations” then? since he does have sth he’s fighting for there#unlike nightless city#(though that specific wording is partly why i doubted nightless city as well…? since it doesn’t seem like he’s silently acknowledging them)#(instead “he could no longer hear any of them”)#not sure that’s a big enough point of contention though bc context around NC definitely fits the best#of course it could be right afterwards (when he came back to proper consciousness anyway) too and it’s thinking ABT the accusations???#but idk#i do think referring to that moment is most likely#…anyway pictured above is the brain that MADE ME REREAD NIGHTLESS CITY (and “what am i supposed to do now” + wn wq giving themselves in as-#(-other points of comparison)#so thank you very much for that brain….#i’ll probably write sth short about it when my thoughts are less scrambled#or i may keep it to chapter by chapter analysis when i do that#but right now it’s too late#skye rereads mdzs
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spaceratprodigy · 7 months
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🎉 [ Art from 2022-2023 ] 🎉
Happy Birthday to my most favorite person in the world, the love of my life 🖤
I still can't believe this'll make our 10th year of being best friends and even more I can't believe we get to celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer 💖💕
Commission Info | Ko-Fi | My Links
#I was gonna type out more but I decided I didn't want to be too sappy and emotional on main#so much has happened in these past 10 years#I can't believe I made it this far I really did not think I was going to have a future#but I did and I do#I have the most wonderful partner who I connect with in a way I never thought was possible#I am capable of being loved I am capable of loving in return#I learned how to love myself and be unapologetically myself for myself#I lost a lot of people and some very much for the better#I've become so so much happier my god I never thought I'd ever know what this felt like#I'm still angry and numb and having to battle depression but I've grown I've finally become someone worth being proud of#I'm no longer letting that anger and grief and everything that comes with it take over#I can't believe I've actually become gentler and kinder#I can't believe I've actually made genuine friends with people who are nice and caring and supportive#and are actually happy to see me and not trying to take advantage of me at every opportunity I'm finally seen as a person#I can't believe I'm finally in a safe environment I don't have to be terrified anymore I'm not going to be hurt anymore#I can't believe how far I've come creatively bc of how much bf has supported my every passion wholeheartedly#he is the reason I have a drawing tablet he is the one who encourages me and cheers on everything I do#god I still don't know how I could ever in my life thank you enough for every goddamn wonderful thing you do for me#you have changed everything for the better none of this would have ever happened if it wasn't for you#it's always been you#I fucking love you#more than anything in this universe and the next#forever and always#my art#glad I listened to my first tag lmao
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a-polite-melody · 2 months
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Every time this past week I’ve been catching myself thinking:
“Hey, you’ve been smoking way too much weed”
I remind myself that I just spent the past week doing impromptu (because I wasn’t aware Just How Dire the situation was) hospice care for dog on death’s door because of what I’m now like 97% positive after spending some time researching what I was seeing was end stage congestive heart failure that I’m not even sure the owners were aware of because they didn’t mention it and said their vet thought it was all cancer related (which I guess it still could’ve been but… it’s was like. the textbook presentation of CHF, and that doesn’t appear suddenly, you can usually detect that before it’s at what would be considered ‘end stage’).
Then held her while she died just about 49-50 hours ago
And I’m still dealing with some minor back pain from having to help deal with the giant breed dog carcass
Yeah I might “be smoking too much” right now. I don’t care. I need something to help me cope while I’m still processing and healing from all of that, none of which I was even the slightest bit emotionally or physically prepared for. Sue me.
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a-mythologynerd · 5 months
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Just finished The Familiar and it was very fun! Definitely captured my imagination and I adore Leigh Bardugo’s historical and modern fantasies. She does such a great job of evoking those themes of injustice and the grey morality of being locked in systems and corrupt power structures. I’ll probably talk more on this later but if you’re a fan of her work (especially the Alex Stern series) I’d give it a read.
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tevatron · 2 months
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i'm so glad i won't be working with my pi after this month. i think i've reached my limit. i just can't deal with her anymore
#she said 'oh idk if i can make it to your thesis'#SHE IS ON MY THESIS COMMITTEE. SHE'S KNOWN ABOUT THIS FOR A YEARRRRRR#she said she might be on vacation w her bf... instead of going to my fucking thesis defense.#there was a special vote just so she could be on my committee. wdym you have to go on vacation#ALSO i've been asking her to check my calculations for a thing for MONTHS#and she still hasn't. but she made me present on it in front of a bunch of people.#i'd like to note that this calculation is like. the point of my thesis. and she hasn't even bothered to look at it#she forced the interns to work 50 hours last week. they're only being paid for 40.#she hasn't read any part of my thesis... others have but they don't know the details like she does#i told her to read my fucking thesis and she said she had and that it 'looked good'#what does that mean. WHAT does that mean. how do you have no comments. on my thesis. that determines whether i graduate#and then she said i'm ''irresponsible'' bc i went to a concert???#like it didn't affect anything. i showed up to work on time. i completed everything i meant to.#but i guess going to one concert is like. unacceptable.#i'm sooooo sorry i decided to go have fun for one night instead of agonizing about my thesis (that again. she hasn't read)#she asked if i want to give a talk at the new place she got hired at but she now works for fus#which is a incredibly conservative homophobic private catholic university. i've never heard anything positive about it#like they're legally allowed to discriminate against lgbt people... does she know what i fucking look like????#she's so so conservative but she only interacts with other conservative catholics#and doesn't understand how fucking vile her views are. and she wonders why people don't like her#like maybe she should shut the fuck up about how she thinks abortion is a sin at work!!#she once said 'the only time i feel uncomfortable in my skin is when i talk about being a conservative catholic at work'#AND THEN SHE SAID 'it really makes me understand how hijabis feel'#IN FRONT OF MY HIJABI COLLEAGUE. HELLO???? like she is not persecuted for being a conservative catholic#i literally started laughing when she said that. i think i said 'please get real'. and she's still mad#anyway. my colleague decided to no longer work with my pi. idk if it was bc of that comment#she mentioned that once i leave there won't be anyone who understands the data on the project anymore#like yeah. maybe you should've looked at the data. like at all#and not had an unpaid master's student do literally all the work for you
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yioh · 1 year
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these make me think about kaeya and diluc honestly it’s so heartbreaking 🥲🥲
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
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#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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risingsunresistance · 3 months
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shoutout to this guy in my lobby who i didn't even know was in my lobby kjhfkg
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transpat · 1 year
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uh so jaewon's last therapy session his therapist told him to not act rashly w this new relationship and jaewon did just that he made a rash decision to go the beach w jihyun and stay there for the weekend and the rash written on their surfing suits along w the jihyun driving incident I think ik where this is going.
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gfwooyo · 8 months
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cannot stop thinking about yungi youth mv
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#like what if i throw up#it's about the trauma and the tiredness and picking yourself back up and moving on it's about friendship and home#they lost sight of each other when they were so focused on themselves and their own shit#the shot of mingi in front of the mirrors where the center one is himself and the rest are yunho with his back towards him like !!!!!!!!!!!!#their old coping mechanisms not working#mingi used to use music to shut out the world so he could be alone but now it brings him back to yunho but yunho isn't THEREEEEE#yunho picked up his lore!brother's guitar bc it had been his dream before he died and he was grieving him but here he's smashing it on the-#-wrecked car the thing that took his brother away from him#and u can SEE yunho dancing in the burning house even in the 2 different sets u see flames through the windows#and mingi is watching the cabin burn alone until yunho walks into frame and we can breathe bc he's no longer trapping himself in that house#AND THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE TURNS TO MINGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII#IT'S LIKE. WE'RE BOTH HERE. WE MADE IT AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER.#gonna puke. idk if anything i've said makes sense it's after midnight and my head is a jumble they just got me feeling a lot#it's about the loneliness it's about the grief it's about watching ur past in third person it's about returning to yourself in the present#mingi i love u forever and ever. his lyrics have always hit the hardest like he Gets me#god this is just such a fever era song so ofc i'm obsessed like the lyrics in that series just fuckin HIT#they talk abt how hard and lonely and scary and confusing and tiring it is growing up and i start thrashing and clawing at the walls#how wonderful to not only be alive at the same time as atz but to be the same age & have similar experiences so their music feels like a hug#like. i'm not alone huh#ANYWAY. did not come here with the intention of saying anything in the tags i was just gonna post that picture but alas#kara can talk
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years
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So I was going to comment I don’t know your favorite Yakuza character then I remembered it was Jo and I have to ask what specifically about him makes him number one?
if you're referring to my baddie baddies tier list, then that wasn't a tier list of my favorite yakuza characters it was a tier list specifically of how hot i found each antagonist to be unless you're coming from my DB blog where i said he was one of my faves but this/that amirite
regardless tho i will talk about why i love jo cause he genuinely is one of my fave charas in general and the reason for that uhhhhh he's neat :) and hot.
But In All Seriousness i unno, it's hard for me to explain why i like characters sometimes. i'll try under the cut tho cause It Gets Long
for jo, a big part of it is how he is as a father- or trying to be a father anyway. he didn't think twice about giving aoki up as a baby- he didn't even really care if he died or not. it was only thanks to masumi that aoki got that chance at life, and if it weren't for the fact he accidentally walked by masumi and aoki that one day jo probably would've gone the rest of his life without having a second thought about it
but thats the thing: they did cross paths that day, and jo's forced to confront the fact his actions did have consequences. he was forced to grow up out of that mentality he had as a kid- that if you don't look at the problem, it'll go away. evidently, they didn't: his actions had consequences, consequences that affected not only his or ikumi's life, but aoki was ultimately going to be the one to shoulder the burden the most because they couldn't be bothered to just give him to someone and tried to leave him in a locker of all places. it's what heightens jo's quote to ichi about taking responsibility as a yakuza all the more impactful in retrospect as well, and it's details like that that make revisiting the game all the more fun
but back to jo, he fully realizes what he did was fucked up, and that there's no conceivable way he can ever make amends or right his wrongs. joining the yakuza would be the next best thing for his goals, not like he saw much of an honest future for himself anyway. at the very least, he can try to support his son anyway he can no matter the cost- or at least, anyway he can for the most part.
jo's inability to kill masumi despite it being a direct order from aoki himself is also such a telling part of his character that makes me weep a little. he entered the yakuza with sole intentions of looking after aoki and taking care of him, nothing more or nothing less. ergo, it would be up to masumi to decide how much jo gets to be involved in his son's life
but that's the thing right: masumi would be the one primarily taking care of aoki. we know masumi tries to keep in touch with aoki via the beginning of the game where he laments his calls don't get returned, and masumi seemed to spend whatever time he could with aoki growing up based off of ichi's brief flashback.
being a yakuza boss be damned, jo got to see first hand how much masumi loved his son despite his circumstances that would've made a lesser parent quit or despise him- that despite his status as a yakuza boss, he would be there and be an active presence in aoki's life enough to annoy him and think of him as nothing more than a helicopter parent. i'm willing to bet that despite jo trying to brush off the sentiment that masumi was anything more than a patriarch to him, he probably did harbor genuine respect dare i say adoration for him. how could he not? even if masumi didn't know aoki wasn't really his son, he took care of him as though he were, complications and all.
if we wanna stretch it, then based off the RGGO iteration of sawashiro, he got his tattoo in direct honor of arakawa: if we're to believe that bits of RGGO sawashiro made it to Y7 sawashiro, then it's fair to say sawashiro's dedication and respect to masumi were immense (though we can make the argument that Y7 sawashiro might not have the same tattoo, or that his tattoo now could be dedicated to taking care of aoki instead- BUT this is speculation at this point, its just something i think of and i figured i'd add it).
which what makes One Of My Favorite Yakuza Scenes all the more meaningful: the day masumi is found dead, that's when we get to see jo really lose it and gives us one of the bloodier moments in the franchise. us getting to see jo actually puncture someone's eye in really heightens his anger with the circumstances at hand- i concede that jo was genuinely frustrated with how the yakuza were being toyed with, but i also dont doubt for a second he was sincere when he told ishioda he wanted to maim whoever took out masumi ishioda was probably thanking the stars tendo was the one to do him in amirite LMAOO. whether it's because of yakuza honor or having lost someone he cared about, jo's dedication is palpable and frightening when it's allowed to flourish
its weird to say tho someone said it a long time ago on one of my tags, but jo's sentimental for a yakuza, even if he wants to be a hard ass about it. he's made his life's purpose trying to right a wrong that can never be fixed (hell, his manner of fighting can be translated as "shame style" reaffirming that despite the years gone by and aoki's actions and disregard for him, he can't quell his guilt. never mind he was ready to take off ichi's finger based on the assumption he took aoki's money from him with his permission), and along the way i'm Hopeful in saying he found SOMEWHAT of a confidant in masumi to make his burden a bit lighter.
jo's by no means a good guy- not even by a long shot. he IS however an incredibly compelling character, and i'm glad that we get to see him somewhat again in LaD8 for however long they'll keep him around in that.
also his theme fucks 11/10 brutality's a fucking banger
#snap chats#god this is longer than i thought#i probably left out some notes but yeah. i love jo#i think he's great i love the arakawa family sm and jo's a real special part of it#i didnt think it would fit in the main text but one of my favorite throwaway lines from masumi#is talking about how jo can be softer on aoki compared to masumi#like UGH. I WONDER WHY //CRIES//#honestly i just wanna know how the family's arrangements were made yk what i mean#cause masumi would be with the tojo and sawashiro evidently would stick with aoki#i just wanna know when they decided that- i still believe jo went to america with him#that musta been ironically sweet of masumi huh. jo gets to spend all this time with his son#his bitch ass son who hates him and would rather see him dead LMAO //weeps//#but UGH AGAIN that just reinforces jo's dedication dont it.#it has me believe that if jo thinks about trying to correct his son he might be doing him another wrong#like Oh You Already Ruined His Lungs Now You're Going To Do This?#he might also have partial anxiety about being like his abusive father and not wanting to extend that to aoki#tho that part's more of a stretch if im honest#still it's safe to say jo doesn't push back against aoki because of his neverending guilt#uuuughhhh i could prob talk bout jo for hours he's just so good of a character to me i love love love him#i love it when characters try to do better even if it hurts them#I LOVE IT WHEN PARENTS LOVE THEIR KIDS AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM. EVEN IF AOKI DON'T DESERVE IT ☠️#its the parental issues in me sorry#but yeah if you read all this. thanks :)#and if not. well. i had fun rambling about jo anyway :)
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trollbreak · 1 year
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Sometimes ur heart is full of. Strong n soft nonbinary. Who’s so in love with the universe
#bags under their eyes from stargazing too long. fishys pls go to sleep I promise they’ll still be there. painted galaxy and nebula and#constellations on the walls of their room on the ship. the bone deep bitterness of working under the fleet with the love of being able to#study and explore the stars they’ve been head over heels for since they first looked up at them#strong bc. Will Not ask for help. would sooner get injured on accident and then continue to try and do it on their own. but also they’ll#absolutely help anyone else any time. sometimes ur blue and strong and. definitely not a mutant. look at all your hair would a fish be this#hairy? probably not u bet. and then u go to ur room with its little window by the bed and u stare wistfully out into the void until you cant#keep awake any longer- regardless of when your alarms are set to#them having patches of burn scars from staying out too late. they spent so many paychecks on an umbrella to watch the sun rise once with#junie and it was scorched beyond repair by the end of it bc it was Not made to be a viewing window but they don’t regret it in the slightest#they’re copying down patterns of constellations on their arms in pen when they land on a planet they’ve not been on before. the view of the#stars might be irrelevant to their job but. how could they not marvel. how could they look at all of that and not find wonder.#I made them to be DEAD but they’re SO full of love that um. they got un killed and uh. just kinda scarred and also traumatized from the#whole event. it’s fine! they’re fine. probably. they’re studying the stars so. they’re happy. they should be happy. they think.#fishys#what if I named them fishys astral. for the sillies#fishys astral#just in casies
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