#i woke up today and chose... love
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hoegrove · 2 years ago
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insp
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bri-cheeses · 8 months ago
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Evan’s busy reaching across the bar for a couple of drinks, arm outstretched and easy smile on his face, when Regulus walks up next to him.
“Two butterbeers, please,” Regulus nods to the bartender.
Evan turns his head in surprise, clearly not expecting to have been followed. “I was getting you guys drinks, you know. You didn’t have to get up.”
“Yeah, I know. But I needed a bit of a break from all… that.” Regulus tilts his head towards a booth in the corner, indicating the chaos currently taking place there. He’s just escaped the aftermath of Barty attempting to flirt with Remus just to make Sirius mad, which has not ended well. Just like Barty intended. Honestly, Regulus doesn’t know why he puts up with him.
Regulus opens his mouth to continue, feeling somewhat hesitant. He’s not sure how Evan will react to what he’s about say, but he’s going to try anyways. “And also because I wanted to ask you something in private. Or at least, away from them.”
“Hold on,” Evan replies. The bartender’s just handed him his drinks, and he’s trying to find a way to carry them. “Okay, carry on.”
Regulus doesn’t waste any time. “You’re in love with Barty.”
Evan doesn’t look up from the drinks, not giving Regulus’s accusation even a slight reaction. “That wasn’t much of a question, Reg.”
If Regulus didn’t know better, he’d say Evan was completely unbothered by this whole situation. But he does know better, and Evan’s completely straight face as he fiddles with the glasses is a dead giveaway.
“You’re not going to deny it?” He’s genuinely curious. It’s unlike Evan to not, at the very least, try to avoid answering directly.
“Why would I? It’s the truth, and I know you’re not going to tell him.”
“But you’re not really the type of person to be okay with… sharing this sort of thing.”
Evan looks up now, small smile making its way to his face. “No, I’m usually not. But honestly it’s been going on so long that it’s more trouble than it’s worth to keep it hidden. From you, at least.”
“I—” he pauses, not entirely sure what to do with that. “How long has this been a thing?”
“Oh, about…” Evan squints, as if he can look back in time and pinpoint the exact moment it started. “Five years now?”
“Five years?”
“Don’t sound so surprised, Reg.”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“Because it’s really not that out of character for me.”
Evan flashes another smile and makes to leave, but Regulus blurts out, “Why haven’t you done anything about it? If it’s been so long?”
Evan glances over at their booth. Regulus follows his gaze, where Barty is now gesturing wildly with his hands in what is probably an attempt to avoid death at Sirius’s hands.
“Because,” Evan says, still looking at Barty, “it would ruin our relationship.”
He sounds so resigned to the fact that Regulus’s heart clenches. He feels like a bad friend. He had no idea, absolutely none, that Evan had been feeling this way for such a long time. “You can’t know that.”
Evan looks back at him, amused expression on his face as he asks, “Can’t I? It’s Barty; even if he did feel the same way—which he doesn’t—he would never be able to let himself commit to a relationship. The fear and discomfort would eat him alive. You know that.”
Regulus does, in fact, know that. But it doesn’t stop him from wanting to fix this, somehow. From wanting to try to get Evan to fight for a chance, at the very least. “But you’re Evan. There used to be be bets about when you guys would finally sort out your shit and start going out.”
Evan blinks, clearly not having known that.
“And it wasn’t because people knew you were in love with him—hell, I didn’t even know that—it was because of the way you both look at and act around each other. And I know that you’re too smart to have not noticed any of that, Evan.”
“Well. Maybe. But that’s also just who he is. He looks at practically everyone like that, acts like that with everyone. So you can stand there and tell me that I’m special, but I’m always going to see that for what it is. A lie, Regulus. And I don’t need you to lie to me. This whole thing is already bad enough already, I don’t need you adding to it, too.”
“But—”
“Don’t, Regulus. Just don’t.”
Regulus changes tactics. “How can you stand it?”
Evan gives a sad smile. “Like you said; I’m Evan. I’m always going to be in love with him, no matter what he does, really. And he’s Barty, so he’s going to do a lot of shit. But that’s just the way things are, I suppose.”
“So you’re just going to let him shatter your heart and stomp all over it?”
Evan smiles bitterly. “He’s been doing that for years, Reg. You’re a bit late to the game.”
Regulus hates this, hates Evan’s defeated tone and tired eyes. “How are you just so calm about this? Don’t you hate it?”
Evan considers that. “I did, for a while. I spent a long, long time hating it. But it only cost me energy I couldn’t afford to lose, and it didn’t change anything in the end.”
And there’s not a lot Regulus can say in response to that, so instead he eyes Evan: the regretful smile, the sad slump of his shoulders, and the way his body is subconsciously turned towards Barty, even now. “Are you… going to be okay?”
“Of course, Reg, why would you even ask?” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “This is just the hand life has dealt me. I’m used to it by now. You might as well get used to it, too. Nothing’s going to change between Barty and me.”
And with that, he shoulders past Regulus, drinks in hand. And Regulus watches him go, unable to unsee how painfully in love Evan is. He watches the way Barty’s entire face lights up when he sees Evan, he watches the soft smile Evan gives Barty in return, and he prays to anyone who’s listening that Evan will turn out to be wrong.
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just-jordie-things · 1 year ago
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✨ANOTHA ONE✨
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livelovecaliforniadreams · 1 year ago
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anonymous-dentist · 1 year ago
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the brazilians were put on this earth to test god, and literally nothing will stop them
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whumpy-wyrms · 8 months ago
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giving all your ocs the alien ikea plushie. shrinking two of them a little bit for basil and sasha
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anton loves it so much he says thank u
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nomsfaultau · 2 years ago
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In dragon form, Fault Philza likes to coil around his Collected, and often makes a rumbling sound like purring. Technically, it’s because he’s speaking in draconic, but most affectionate dragonic words sound like purring. Thankfully he doesn’t actually obey the laws of gravity, else he would have crushed his kids long ago as he prefers to sleep on top of them like a hoard, the comforting vibration of thunder pouring over them.
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givehimthemedicine · 1 year ago
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the main thing I love about lumax is how they actually have had real conversations and shared emotionally and learned about each other (unlike some other ships).
the thing is though, I can't think of one lumax emotional sharing scene where it's Lucas doing the sharing. and I honestly can't imagine that when Max wakes up that this dynamic is going to be different.
it's funny that Max has the rep for being the one with high walls, but now she's actually had multiple scenes where she opens up to/in front of him. in fact, I'm thinking Max has spent easily the highest % relative to her total screentime on "opening up" scenes compared to any other party member. while Lucas, the one fanonized as being such a well balanced and emotionally open dude, has actually never said much of anything to his girlfriend, or anyone, about himself.
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poetess-trobadour · 2 months ago
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On the verge of my favorite season
Surge urges I thought put to rest.
There's nothing like autumn at seizing
What autumn had put to the test.
It's autumns that brought us together.
It's autumn that drove us apart.
There's nothing like autumnly weather
To mend for all aches of a heart.
There's autumn in tears that've dried;
There's autumn in kisses that've rained;
There's nothing like you and nothing like I,
Each autumn we've lost and each yet to gain.
While years change seasons like gloves,
There're things that seem ever the same.
There's nothing like autumn for love...
Time that heals all perennial heartbreak.
Nothing like autumn, October 2024
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loumauve · 2 months ago
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the goddamn toast water post just made me utter "history is fucking real" in the most solemn and serious tone of voice, out loud, to myself, in the goddamn bathtub
#life is ridiculous and I'm its biggest clown#in my defense it's not even 9 am and I woke up at 6 for some reason (the reason prob being that I start work at 6 atm)#so I chose (violence) reading Stray Gods fic in bed for a few hours followed by the need to just vibe in the bathtub#I've only just had my coffee and a slice of cold pizza leftover from yesterday and it's such a uni-days thing to do#I've kinda missed it. tho I wasn't drinking coffee back then (how the fuck did I survive mornings without it??)#anyway. feeling very soft and tender abt my past self today. I miss her even if she was just as much of a mess. in different ways#the kind of mess who would openly flirt with some strange dude she didn't really know over the phone#the kind of mess who moved across the country just for a chance at trying with sb she liked who really never wanted to date her#the kind of mess who's always fallen for her best friends and who'll likely never stop#the kind of mess who feel so damn hard for a woman 15 yrs older than her just bc she was kind and sweet and a mess herself#the kind of mess who moved in with a friend she was solidly in love with for a bit who had her boyfriend over most nights#just.. it's not all about those feelings but they're decidedly a big part of why I've ever done anything#and I will prob always miss the friend who'd lie on the train platform with me just giggling into the night as ppl walked past#her head on my stomach and me just feeling so high it felt like I'd never stop floating (just for a while though)#I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that Mi miss just letting my feelings take me places even at the risk of losing it all#I'm so much more hesitant and guarded now. and sure part of it is being medicated for my bipolar. it's good that I don't call strangers#and almost invited them over. or that I no longer walk barefoot through the city at night by myself (usually)#but I do miss just idk. intimacy I guess. and how easily it used to come to me to just try and be open abt wanting it I guess#oh well. best be getting out of the bathtub. it's not a good place to be with these thoughts. and it's too early for this anyway#a day in the life of..
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HE 🤎✨
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👀
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😎
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doodles because i decided to be devious >:D surprise !!! ✨✨
( @heartofalark and the artilleryman / @ghostingselfships and the host ; @jocelynships and draxum / @edjlord and hypno ; @squips-ship and javert / @soulnottainted and copia ; @moth-selfships and mochi miles / @selinas-ships and cedric ; @gible-love-nibles and p03 / @wisp-herr and marvin )
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evilblot · 8 months ago
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mad-hunts · 6 months ago
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i honestly feel like even going to a rage room wouldn't help barton because, since people would still be watching him in a way (through the cameras and such) he'd feel like he'd have to hold some of his anger back and thus, the whole thing wouldn't feel anywhere near as cathartic to him as it should be. no... barton just needs to be able to go back to his childhood home and smash everything. and i mean, of course it wouldn't solve everything, but in his mind — at least it'd make him feel a little better.
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#i woke up today and chose violence y'all. i'm sorry about that JSJSJ#it's just that i really do think that barton has thought about it multiple times because he hates the fact that he quote unquote-#'wasn't good enough to receive his father's love.' but in reality it didn't have anything to do with him and maybe visiting his old house-#would make him realize that in a way because thing's are still exactly the way they were. like it's honestly haunting how untouched-#everything is. and so barton would finally be ablr to venture in places that he was never allowed to as a kid like wesleys bedroom-#for example and he'd be able to see physical evidence of him just being SO cruel somewhere maybe which would absolve him of this feeling-#that HE is to blame for not being 'lovable' to his father. because as long as he holds onto that belief i feel like barton is not going to-#heal from it at all and it just causes him suffering in the present so it's one of those things that needs to be remedied you know?#because whenever you have ideas like that stuck inside you it's just going to make you feel awful and plus barton has NOT been able to cope#with his death because he has no idea WHY wesley was so monstrous to him. but in this case there wasn't a reason why it was just kind of-#who he was. barton wasn't to blame for his father's behavior for he was a fully grown adult and should've at least tried to reach out to-#someone about his own mental health slowly but surely being on a steady decline bc that was his responsibility and he should've-#treated barton a lot better. but unfortunately he didn't.#tw: child abuse.#tw: mental illness.#tw: violence.
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hella1975 · 1 year ago
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SEX EDUCATION IS BACK
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sunrise-on-the-shore · 7 months ago
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why restrict yourself to have only 1 birthday when it's possible to fuck around and get yourself a few more!!!
today's one of my birthdays and i'm vibing. 🧡
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