#i wish we saw them loafing....

[reginaldubel]

loaf

[icycoldninja]

FLUFFCEMBER DAY#14: (Sephiroth x Reader)

Furry intruders

Blowing out a huge sigh, you opened the door to your place of living and trooped inside, ready to wash up and hit the sack. You knew that living with Sephiroth came with its fair share of strange surprises, and you tried hard to not get too startled by them when they happened, but you were not prepared for a big, fuzzy ball of glossy black floof to come padding out of a side room and into the kitchen, meowing as it went.

"What the hell?" You whispered, watching the feline slink into the kitchen, where a familiar, low voice greeted it. There was another meow, a hum, then the sound of clattering dishes. Sephiroth was in the kitchen, it seemed, and either he already knew the cat was inside, or he just found out and was very calm about it.

"Seph?" You began, hurrying to the kitchen. "Seph, do you know there's a c—"

"A cat in the house?" The man in question responded, cutting you off. He hurled around from his place before the kitchen sink, the purring intruder cradled in his arms. "Yes, I do, though I wish you'd tell me before you bring home strays."

"I didn't bring it home!" You exclaimed, shocked. "I thought you did!" You watched as Sephiroth's face went from "charmed yet surprised" to absolutely horrified.

"What?" Sephiroth slowly looked down at the cat, who meowed at him, then back at you, who shrugged, his eyes growing wider with each passing second. "Then where did—where did it come from?"

"I don't know!" You replied, as Sephiroth rushed past you and into the hall. "Did you see where it came in?"

"It was already in the house by the time I got home," You told him, hurrying alongside him with your hands in your pockets. "Did you leave the back door unlocked or something?"

"I haven't opened the back door at all today," Sephiroth answered. "Did you?"

"No," You said, peeking into the side room you saw the cat slink out of earlier. There was only one window in the room, but it was high up and wasn't the kind that could be opened, so there was no way for anyone to come in that way.

"Ah, here we are," Came Sephiroth's rather exhausted announcement from further down the hall, followed by a series of meows, all of varying pitches, indicating there was more than one cat.

"Found the source?" You called, jogging to his side, mildly surprised to find three cats loafing on the floor, two orange tabby cats and one Siamese, a waning orb of Materia lying on the floor near them. In the corner of the room was a smoldering hole that was convienently cat shaped.

"I did," Sephiroth replied, setting down the cat he was holding. "They must have used the Materia to break in.

"How, though?" You wondered aloud. "Since when could cats use magic?"

"Perhaps they were added by someone," Sephiroth suggested, watching the cats meow languidly from their comfortable places upon the floor. "Or these could be some particularly intelligent felines."

"I don't know about that," You chuckled, scratching your head. "Anyway, what're we gonna do with them? Take them to the pet shelter?"

"We could," Sephiroth replied, before eyeing you with mischief twinkling in his emerald eyes. "Or we could keep them."

"You're really willing to adopt 4 stray cats just like that?" You questioned unbelievingly.

"Only if you are," Sephiroth responded with a smile. "Are you?"

"Sure."

"Then they will need names."

"Hmm. Gonna have to think on that. For now we'll just call 'em Cat 1, Cat 2, Cat 3, and Cat 4."

"Very well then."

Three weeks later, you two were enjoying life as cat parents to 4 children who have yet to be named.

[smalleevee]

had a really good day and ate delicious food and got insanely wonderful gifts and laughed with my friends if you even care

it's my birthday this is me if you even care

[isabeauwolf]

We all know Law's dislike for bread.

I always imagine that he glares hard at the huge rows of bread on the bread isle every time he goes to the super market. XD

---------------------------------------

He clicks his tongue, "Why the hell are there so many different types of bread. It's sickening."

I'm laughing and grabbed a loaf of butter bread. "Nobody's forcing you to eat it, Law. Everyone has their preference." Placing it in the shopping cart. "It's a shame that you are missing out." Tilting my head and counting on my fingers, "french toast, bread crumbs for bread pudding, croquette's, curry buns, rolls." Looking at him with a knowing smirk, "You loved the breaded chicken and salmon I made for supper. Those didn't kill ya, honey."

Law's tanned cheeks heat a noticeable pinkish hue, as he pulls down his hat and looks away, muttering in annoyance. "Just hurry up and get your damned bread already. We've got more to get." Inked fingers tightening on the shopping cart, "You promised never to mention it to anybody."

"I haven't said a word." I smile, linking his arm in mine and continue to walk beside him.

He grunt and looks ahead, clenching his jaw. "Then how does everyone in the crew know about it?"

"My guess, is Penguin and Shachi. They were the only ones who saw you eat it besides me."

He sighs, "Should have know it was those two."

"I'm happy that you liked them. I love seeing you smile when you eat my cooking." Laying my head on his arm, pulling him down gently to kiss his check and whispering into his ear. "My snow leopard has the best smile when he isn't a grumpy kitty."

His breath hitches and he shivers, growing more flustered. Silver iris' glowing underneath his hat as a playful smirk grows on his lips. "You're playing with fire teasing me again, my love." Wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me closer into his chest.

"Try me, Law." I challenge, pecking his lips and stealing the shopping cart, strutting forwards. "Come on, Doctor Heart Stealer, the sooner we get home. The sooner we can play~"

Law chuckles watching me walk away, quickly following. "As you wish, my cute little nurse."

-------------------------------------

Don't ask me why I shoved myself in the scenario. It just ran away, lol. Ugh, so cringy and I rarely read or write in 1st person. But here it is. Oh well, Law's worth it, the big dork.

[zelianthos-capercaillie]

A sneak peek of my contribution for the HashiMada Week 2024 Day 3 prompt “Animals”

It’s a Cat AU set in an alternate world Hi no Kuni

(Wordcount: Approx. ~630)

@hashimada-week​

***

Izuna raced back down a few stories, jumping across window ledges and apartment roofs, until he reached the upper balcony of an empty townhouse where a black poofy cat was sleeping belly up on a cushioned egg hammock.

“Nii-san!” He trilled. “Nii-san, wake up!”

Madara scrunched his eyes but did not open them, mumbling mrmpghmrm as he flipped over and went back to snoring.

Izuna was undeterred. He bopped his head on his brother’s shoulder. “Nii-san, wake up! I saw the moving people. They have a cat! We’re gonna have a new neighbor!”

“Hnghngh…”

“Nii-san, come on! We’ll just introduce ourselves real quick, then you can go back to sleep!”

Silence.

“I’ll go with you to eat at the seaside bistro later in return,” he coaxed in a singsong voice, making biscuits on Madara’s back. “Whaddya say?” 

All he got for his trouble were more incoherent babbles.

Izuna harrumphed. Fine, then. He eyed his brother's unsuspecting bushy tail. Time to go about this the old-fashioned way.

The silence stretched further until it was broken by Madara’s sudden yowl.

“Ow! Izuna!”

“Rise and shine!”

“Why, you little—”

The two tussled on the floor, chasing each other inside the adjacent living room and out the balcony again, winding up on the corner padded bench warmed by the buttery morning sun. 

In the end, Izuna sported a canary-eating grin, licking his fur coat with pride, even if the ones on his neck were a tad thinner.

“Why do you wanna meet this cat so bad, anyway?” Madara huffed, now wide awake and also missing a few tufts of hair on his tail. “For all we know, this one might become your future archenemy.” He bent over and tried smoothing his tousled fur as best he could.

“Or this white cat might be my new best friend! Maybe there’ll be more moving people and they’d also bring another cat and they could be your new best friend! The possibilities are endless, Nii-san! And I’ll never know if we don’t go there and introduce ourselves.”

“You just want to recruit them to your Cat-Eye of the Moon plan, don’t you?”

“…”

Madara let out a long-suffering sigh.

“Tch. Ye of little faith, Nii-san.” Izuna sniffed. “Just you wait. This is gonna be the start of a boom in cat population, I can feel it! With the two of us, and that white cat—maybe even more cats in the future—revolution is now at hand! Today, Tanzaku District is three cats strong; tomorrow, a hundred!”

“That’s now how it works, brat. And leave me out of that ‘grand plan’ of yours!”

“But this is a golden opportunity for expanding our allied forces—” 

“An allied force of two, you mean,” his brother cut in. 

“—you’re not seriously telling me to pass this up, are you?”

Madara groaned. “All I’m saying is that I’m not recruiting anyone. How about this,” he compromised, booping Izuna on the nose when he opened his mouth to protest, “I’ll wait after you make contact, and then I’ll introduce myself afterward. Let’s start with you first so they won’t feel like it’s an ambush.”

Izuna hummed. He put up two toe beans on his chin in a thinking expression. “That’s a good point. Congeniality isn’t really your strong suit, after all.”

“Hmph.”

“Fine. We’ll go with your plan, and you can wait for my signal.” He got a grunt in reply. “Well then, I’m off! Wish me luck, Nii-san!”

“Good luck, and be careful.” Madara hopped back to his egg hammock, circling a few times before tucking his paws in a loaf. “Let’s have lunch by the seaside bistro when you’re done. It’s Tuesday and today’s specialty is Hirasaka Salmon.”

“Gotcha! Be back soon!”

With a bum wiggle and a leap, Izuna bounded off to greet his newfound friend.

[loafbud]

oversharing anon back

so my old man's in the hospital, and i'm not even sure what to do anymore. got way too much on my mind and even more on my plate. i'm terrified of even trying to live up to expectations or any of that stuff and every day i wake up in a panic. saw your post bout people around you achieving dreams and goals and stuff, realised that i basically stuffed my own wants and dreams down a hole and forgot about then for the family business and kept going.

now i can't even do them if i wanted to cuz yknow, obligations. prolly gonna be more here and there with my asks and even getting to look through your stuff but i'll try my best to keep holding on. your art gives me hope and seeing you try and improve your own outlook on life makes me want to change too. stay safe, keep doing what you love and don't let nobody put you down loaf. world's pretty fvcked all around but it doesn't mean we have to just sit there and take it.

hope to see more cool art soon

oversharing anon, hopefully will return after this unscheduled programmes

hi oversharing anon, i'm wishing for nothing but the best and hoping there's improvement in the situation you're in

ugh, i feel this....... and i know most of me feeling like a failure is a way of thinking i had put on myself- i've been making progress and falling completely backwards so many times with trying to be more positive that i lost count (i think im going into my "falling backwards" era)

and again it's like, i know i should be congratulating those around me that succeed, but deep down i always felt that something was wrong with me, like what could i have done differently, and - if i was more proactive n shit - would i be in a better financial/living position? would my family be in a better position? im like... at the point where i lowkey feel like im too late to go after my goals/dreams, so i just do what i can only mentally manage to do everyday: create art

i don't care so much about fame or being rich or anything to enjoy life, i just want to live life with the comfort and safety knowing that my fam is taken care of, yknow?

thank you also for the encouragement, and it means a lot my art makes you feel that way ;; i feel the only person i should worry about putting me down is myself, as deep of a hole i already dug myself in, by holding myself back n lacking faith back then... trying to climb out and see the light

[griffin-girl-r]

Chapter 5

Word count: 2,461

Warnings: None

Chapter 4 , Chapter 6

—

What was behind that locked door?

—

Maria was lying on the couch in the living room with Natasha comfortably snuggled on top of her as the commander ran her fingers through the redhead's hair.

"Move!" A raspy voice ordered

"Why do you always have to pop up and ruin all the fun?" Maria groaned annoyed, slightly moving her legs aside to make space on the couch

"I'm not ruining anything!" The nameless girl gasped offended as she sat down "I actually came to spice things up a little."

"Oh, really?" Maria rolled her eyes

"Yep." The girl nodded "I thought that it would be lovely to watch Nat's favorite movie since we are already loafing around here."

Natasha quickly lifted her head as her eyes sparked with joy.

"Moonraker?" Natasha asked excitedly as she looked at the young girl

"You can bet." The girl chuckled, grabbing the remote from the coffee table in front of them and turning the TV on

Natasha clapped her hands excited as she shifted in Maria's arms, turning to face the TV and impatiently waiting for the movie to begin.

"I saw this movie so many times." Maria declared in a bored tone but a small smile tugged at her lips

"You tell me." The girl laughed, focusing on putting the movie on and not on what she was saying "I saw this movie one too many times."

Maria's suspicions were raised once again as she gave the taller girl a confused look.

"What do you mean that you have seen it too many times too?" Maria tilted her head, squinting her eyes

"I mean..." The girl nervously began "I mean, I watched it a few times until now." She chuckled "It's not the first time when I see this movie."

"If you say so." Maria dropped the subject before turning her head to look at her girlfriend who was happily watching the intro of her favorite movie

-

"We can go outside if you want today." The stranger that wasn't such a stranger anymore said when the credits of the movie started rolling on the screen

"Didn't you say that the outside world it's just a copy of the world we know?" Maria bitterly spit out

"Exactly." The girl replied just as coldly "That's why you can still go outside and walk around or enjoy some fresh air. I thought that a month of being locked inside this house would make you wish to be free."

Maria opened her mouth to deny the girl's offer but Natasha beat her to it.

"I would love to feel the sun on my face." Natasha smiled at the young girl "I love your idea. Thank you, sunshine."

"I also have a swing on the porch in front of the house." The girl softly smiled at Natasha "I know how much you love those."

"And you're right once again about me, sunshine." Natasha shook her head with a smile "One day you'll need to tell us why you know us so well."

"One day, Nat." The girl nodded "One day. But not now. It's not the right time yet. You both still have to sort your life out and you need my help to do so, that's why you need to wait a little bit more to find out the truth."

"Haven't we waited enough?" Maria reproached "How much time do you plan to keep us here?"

"Once you have both completely healed and decided that you're ready to go back to your world, you can leave. You're actually free to go any moment you'd like. Just tell me and I'll send you back."

Maria clenched her jaw as the anger inside of her toward the girl's attitude was about to burst out and consume her but she quickly calmed herself, knowing that this girl was right.

No one was forcing her to stay and accept the help she'd been offered.

Maria knew that she silently enjoyed the moment of peacefulness and comfort this girl offered to her and Natasha.

"How about we just go outside now?" Natasha proposed in an attempt to light up the mood

"We could do that." The girl nodded with a sigh, trying to smile for Natasha "Need any help?"

"I think I feel strong enough today to walk outside on my own feet, thank you very much." Natasha joked, pushing herself off Maria

"You are always strong, babe." Maria grabbed Natasha's hand and placed a kiss on the back of it

"Thank you, love." Natasha lightly squeezed the brunette's hand "Now, to the swing!"

-

"She looks like a penguin." The youngest woman laughed as she watched Natasha waddle over to the large swing she had on the porch of the house

"I know right." Maria shared the laughter "She's my favorite penguin." She added

"I'm so glad that she's finally able to walk on her own two flippy floppies without help again." The girl joked

"I can hear the both of you!" Natasha shouted as she took the last few steps towards the swing, also letting out a giggle once she was seated in the swing

"And if you can hear us, what?" Maria walked over to Natasha and quickly pecked her lips "What will you do about that?"

"I'll make sure to punish you as soon as I get the chance to." Natasha winked at her girlfriend

"I can't wait." Maria smirked satisfied, sitting down beside her girlfriend

"Eww..." The young girl said "You two are disgustingly too cute."

"Thank you. We try." Maria replied with a chuckle

"Okay then, lovebirds." The youngest girl announced "I'm going to leave you alone for a few minutes while I'll make some lemonade for us."

"We'll be here, sunshine." Natasha smiled at the girl before resting her head on Maria's shoulder

The girl left the couple as she entered the house and into the kitchen.

Both Maria and Natasha were left to enjoy a comfortable silence as a light breeze blew on their faces.

Maria carefully placed her head on her lover's head after she placed a kiss on the crown of Natasha's head.

—

"Masha?" Natasha interrupted the peaceful moment

"What is it, Natty?" Maria tucked one strand of hair behind Natasha's ear before looking down at her girlfriend's face

"Do you remember that big house near Clint's farm that I always said would be my dream house?" Natasha asked, her voice wavering in the slightest

"Yeah..." Maria nodded confused "I do. Why?"

"Masha, this is it." Natasha tearfully pointed with her hand around "This is that house where we dreamed of starting our own little family together so many years ago."

Maria lifted her head and carefully looked around, taking in everything surrounding her.

And that's when it hit her that Natasha was very much right.

This is the house she planned to buy for Natasha as a surprise before asking the spy to be her wife.

"You're right, babe." Maria nodded as she kept looking around "This is that house."

"But..." Natasha muttered confused "How?"

"I don't know, sweetheart." Maria admitted "I don't know. Everything about this girl is very enigmatic to me. She truly is a mystery that I just can not solve. I don't have any idea about who she is, what this place is, or why she knows us so well."

"She's making our dreams true." Natasha pointed out "She's offering us the chance to live our dream life. Together."

"I know that." Maria quickly added "What I don't understand is why is she doing all of this for us without any hidden purpose? Why isn't she asking for any favor in return?"

Natasha let out a deep sigh "I have no idea. Everything is so strange but in a good way. I feel comfortable when I'm around this girl, Masha. She doesn't make me feel awkward or afraid of her and she isn't raising any suspicions that she intends to harm us in any way. If she did, I would know because I'm a trained spy."

"We must find out what she keeps hidden in that room." Maria's voice was filled with determination "I have a feeling that the answers to all of our questions are locked in there."

The spy slightly scrunched her face. She didn't like the fact that her girlfriend was so determined and impatient but she also knew that Maria was right. They couldn't wait forever to find out some vital information.

"And here you have it!" The girl in question walked outside on the porch with a tray in her hands "Lemonade."

"Thank you, sunshine." Natasha smiled at the girl, lifting her head from Maria's shoulder

"I also added some fresh mint to go with it." The young girl looked at Maria with a shy smile on her face

The brunette commander was taken aback by the thoughtful gesture of the girl as she, once again, knew exactly what Maria liked.

"Thanks?!" Maria said confused, taking one glass from the tray and sipping from it

Maria contently hummed once the lemonade's flavor fully engulfed her taste and a big smile appeared on her face.

"This is exactly how I love it." Maria couldn't stop smiling "Thank you, kid." She added, sparing a look in the young girl's direction

The nameless girl smiled widely as she felt proud of herself for finally managing to make Maria be kind to her for once.

"You're very welcome, Agent Hill." The girl grinned excitedly

"Come here, sunshine." Natasha cuddled closer to Maria, making space on the large swing for the young girl to squeeze in beside her "You've earned your place."

The young girl took one step forward but quickly stopped as she gulped. She looked in Maria's direction, waiting for permission to sit down beside them.

The former Deputy Director carefully weighed the choices she had and the possible outcomes.

If she said no, Natasha would be sad and a little disappointed in her for some while, the girl could get angry for being rejected once again and everything could degenerate into a violent fight between the brunette and the youngest girl.

If she said yes, Natasha would be proud of her, the girl would be happy to be accepted and the three of them could enjoy their first peaceful moment together without Maria causing a scene for nothing but the girl would be too close to Natasha for Maria's liking.

She couldn't stop but feel jealous because, deep down, she knew that this mysterious girl was trying to steal Natasha away from her.

No matter how hard the girl tries to deny everything, Maria already knows what are the intentions of this girl.

Natasha is a stunning woman. Her beauty could make even the blindest alien fall in love with her, let alone this young girl who possessed the body of a goddess.

Maria feels threatened when it comes to her place in Natasha's heart.

For the first time in so many years, Maria has some real competition.

"I'm sorry." The girl sighed sadly, looking at her feet when Maria took too long to reply "I'll better leave you alone to enjoy a moment without myself being the third wheel. I'm going to go and take a look at the animals."

"You have animals here?" Natasha asked curiously, trying to ease the awkwardness of the moment "What type?"

"I have almost every farm animal there is." The girl kept looking down at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world "My grandma had a farm. She loved her pigs and horses so much. Especially her pigs. She taught me how to take care of them."

"That's nice." Natasha forced out a smile but it was more of a sad smile

"I'll just leave." The girl declared with a heavy heart, turning around

The expectation was hanging in the air.

Maria could let the girl go since she didn't put up a fight but one look at her soulmate and Maria knew exactly what she had to do.

"Kid, wait!" Maria shouted, making the girl turn around and look at her "You can stay." She nodded "Why don't you tell us more about your animals?"

The girl's face suddenly lit up as she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Really?" The girl questioned in disbelief

"Yeah..." The brunette nodded again "Just take a seat."

The youngest woman did as told without waiting for another word, carefully squeezing in beside Natasha.

Natasha proudly looked at her girlfriend with a satisfied smile on her face.

Maria sighed.

Even if she didn't want to say yes, she knew that this was the right choice.

"Thank you." The girl smiled happily

"Now, what you were saying about those pigs?" Natasha questioned with a smile

—

It wasn't long till the nameless girl fell asleep on the swing beside the two older women.

Both Natasha and Maria were shocked at how comfortable this girl was around them.

So comfortable that she dared to close her eyes without any fear that they would do something to her.

To be honest, Maria enjoyed this peaceful moment with this girl just as much as Natasha did.

They felt attracted to her just like a magnet.

Maria stood up and motioned to Natasha to follow her.

Confused, the redhead followed her girlfriend inside the house without a word.

"Where are you going, Masha?" Natasha asked once the door of the house was closed behind her and she was out of the hearing reach of the sleeping girl.

"This is our only chance to find out the truth, Tasha." Maria determinately stated, taking off towards the forbidden room "We need to be quick and open that door before she wakes up and figures out what we're trying to do."

"Mia, I don't think that's a good idea." Natasha struggled to keep up with Maria "I think we should be patient and wait for her to reveal her identity to us."

"I'm done playing this shitty game named waiting." Maria said through grinned teeth as she was slightly angry "I am going to find out the truth and I will find it today."

"Maria, wait!" Natasha loudly called but it was already too late

Maria had already started to kick the door with her leg and it wasn't long till the door gave up and the handle fell.

From there, the next few moments happened on fast forward as Maria kicked open the door with Natasha trailing behind her.

But the couple stopped in their tracks as they were met with a sight they never thought they would see.

Natasha wasn't able at first to form any words but Maria voiced her thoughts anyways, as the commander whispered one word out into the air.

"Impossible..."

—

Created: 02.07.2023

Finished: 14.07.2023

Edited: 28.09.2023

Age: 28

Word count: 2,461

Warnings: None

Request: No (Original idea)

Pairing: BlackHill

[a-musing-mixologist]

Some disjointed thoughts *warning for Egghead Arc spoilers*

.

.

I just saw this post which *really* got me thinking. I knew about the 07 on Damned Punk for a bit now, and I've always assumed that Kid had some kind of connection to Vegapunk, but the thing with the sea monsters really drives it home. We know Kid has a backstory, however small the crumbs we've been given, so I don't think he's a VP clone exactly. BUT.

This seems to be proof that there are in fact seven Satellites. What I find really noteable is the fact that this is the only one of the seven that doesn't have the same eyes as the other. It also seems to be two monsters, there's dog on its left. Which *does* have the eyes. Interesting how it corresponds to Kid's left arm. So this means that the seventh is different from the other six in some way.

We know Kid grew up on an island unaffiliated with the World Government, and that he had a penchant for fixing up garbage. And that he had a little model robot. And VP is the guy associated with robots. I have to wonder if that island wasn't some kind of dumping ground for him. I don't think Kid's a clone, but I do think there's a chance he's related by blood, whether he knows it or not.

Punk refers to his aesthetic, but I have to wonder if it's more than that. If his island was a dumping ground, I bet a lot of the scrap probably had Punk inscribed on it somewhere too, maybe that gave him the inspiration. Either way, it's gotta be more than a coincidence that we have two mechanical geniuses associates with the word, and the fact that Kid is also associated with the number seven.

*continues squishing all these crumbs into a loaf*

As for Killer, I wonder if he's related to Burgess. Same hair, beard, a weird laugh, super strong. But he probably hates the guy cause Burgess is an asshole.

Also, random fun thought that probably is just me wishing - what if Kid's devil fruit is also a legendary zoan. I saw a post that unfortunately I don't have a link to with the thought that he could be the earth god. Which would make sense, though since he's Awakened his power and doesn't have a transformation I feel like it's not gonna be a thing but also WHY THE HELL DOES THE JIKI JIKI NO MI LOOK LIKE THAT? It's so completely different from every other DF design. You can't tell me it's normal.

Look at this thing of course that's what Kid's looks like, he has to have the most extra DF of all time.

Anyway I think he'd look pretty cool as a bull god, so a flatbread can dream can't they?

Interesting how the Grand Line runs on magnetism, that's why they use the log poses. Could it have something to do with the fruit's original owner? I need to find the link to this other post that pointed out something like that but made a point that the three Captains have connections to the past. There was a previous Nika, of course. But also the idea that Imu might have had immortality granted to them by the Ope Ope's previous owner. Which is a historical connection for those two, but it would be interesting if the log pose thing was due to the Jiki Jiki.

WHY DOES PUNK ROTTEN HAVE NIKA'S SYMBOL? That can't be coincidence. Also where tf is my link to that post why isn't my blog showing it *cries* Also both Punk Rotten and Corna Dio have tilted halos.

Anyway yeah, thoughts. Don't know what's gonna happen but I love my idiot boys.

[blimbo-buddy]

I'm glad you are… being destroyed by Turtle Tail and Bumble. :) /j

Might need to write some more and subject you to it... since it you are but a wee birthday lad.

ANYWAYS! This is making me grin so hard and I am overjoyed that you are loving my spin on the scene. I'll go ahead and say a few things...

"There is no more time, Turtle Tail." is Bumble speaking! Turtle Tail is in an emotional trainwreck, so she can't discern that Bumble is saying this. Bumble, even on her death bed that she was led to because no one was on her side, was pitying her.

Bumble couldn't forgive Turtle Tail, but she loved her. Actually... I think we'll all understand what I mean if I write it.

TW for death, POV cat dying, angst, abuse, and fatphobia mention.

---

Relief.

It twists inside of Bumble's gut when she sees the round and fuzzy cheeks of Turtle Tail. Those green eyes pool with tears and an emotion that, while she feels disgusted to wish for, is gratifying to see. Regret swims amongst Turtle Tail's sorrows.

Her lungs burn, but she strains herself to ignore it. She can keep breathing. She's strong like Turtle Tail. The weak fat cat that everyone saw her as isn't here. She can be strong. Maybe then...

Maybe a fairytale ending could happen.

As a kit, she didn't know about the big bads of the world. She only knew how pretty it was. Those kithood dreams shined in Turtle Tail's eyes. She found hope within the bright and lovely molly who told her that her dreams, far beyond the walls and fences of the house, could be real.

"One day," Turtle Tail purrs loudly as she leans her head into the crook of Bumble's neck and grins, "We can run in the fields. I'll tell you about everything. From the weeds, to the flowers, to the birds, and even the cute bumble bees like you."

Yet it never came true because...

"I was selfish." The words leave Turtle Tail's maw too late.

All this time, she has wondered if that was the truth. She couldn't say. Turtle Tail was so wonderful. She smiled so brightly and treated her so nicely. Yet... Yet wasn't that just basic decency? Wasn't that just what normal cats did?

Normal cats don't shame each other for being overweight.

Normal cats rely on each other unconditionally.

Normal cats don't have to beg for help.

Normal cats have friends who laugh with them.

A raspy wheeze leaves her as the horrifying thoughts dig into her. Their friendship and her love that refuses to die even when she is... was nothing more than something normal cats had.

She's dying a pathetic and slow death where everything burns. Screams wish they could bury themselves in her throat, not so she could launch them out of spite, but just so someone can acknowledge her anguish.

Her eyes take that as a cue to look up at the only cat who, even if for a blip in her life, treated her like someone who mattered more than the sun and the stars. It might have meant less to Turtle Tail, but... but she loved every second of their interactions. She loved Turtle Tail's laugh. She loved her goofy little tail they joked about. She loved how Turtle Tail scrunched into the tiniest loaf so she could be the one curled around her.

Honey doesn't come without its disgusting facts.

In the end, Turtle Tail abandoned her - just like everyone else. She was another worker in the hive working to break her down.

"Loved?" Tom sneered as he towered over her. He didn't stink like the villains in the tales her mama told her. His pelt was glossier than fire, unlike the evil-doers who had patchy and scraggly fur. No one believed her when she said he could say, "No cat will ever love a fat cat like you, who was named after how round she is."

And he was right.

Turtle Tail remained silent when the cats began to shame her body and abilities. There was no debating. It was truth, both in the eyes of everyone around her and Turtle Tail.

Despite now, as her ears ring, hearing Turtle Tail claim that she's beautiful amongst so many ungraspable words, all she can think is: If you thought that, why didn't you say so?

Why now? Why so late?

Pain digs into her chest as she drags her paw up. The hate-filled green eyes aren't what she wants to see. All of these words aren't what she wants to hear. Because, no matter what, she wants Turtle Tail to be happy. Even when she yowled that she hated Turtle Tail, she knew that it would always be half of a truth.

She hated that Turtle Tail won her heart and shattered it.

Shutting her eyes with her paw, the darkness allows her to view the few fond moments. The gentle, loving Turtle Tail that laughed alongside her. This is the cat she knew. They shared secrets and truths. That cat didn't meant the world to her. No, Turtle Tail was her world.

Perhaps that's where she went wrong.

Smack.

Light forcibly filters back into her eyes. Time feels so drawn out. The pain isn't even here anymore.

"I need more time." Turtle Tail's desperation is on full display. She might not be able to see her any longer, but her body - even if it slowly is numbing - can feel her shaky paws. The tips of Turtle Tail's claws seem to prick her, though she can't be sure.

Prying her maw open, she forces herself to say, "There is no more time, Turtle Tail." Every atom of oxygen goes into stating the obvious. Her lungs writhe inside of her chest. The fuzzy darkness tugs at her conscious, trying to end her life.

Yet, at a time like this, her death is not what she mourns.

You didn't say, "I'm sorry."

Oh cool, so I was spot on with who said "There is no more time, Turtle Tail."!

Also oh my god… Bumble taking those hurtful words from the settlers to heart and internalizing it, using it to put herself down no matter how much it hurts her heart. GODDAMN IT HURTS. And the little flashback to when her and Turtle Tail's lives seemed perfect? Where Turtle Tail promised a beautiful and lush world beyond the fence, ONLY TO THEN TURN AWAY FROM BUMBLE WHEN THE HARSHNESS OF THE WORLD BEAT DOWN ONTO BUMBLE. And THEN Bumble hears Turtle Tail admit her cowardice and selfishness when she didn't defend Bumble, holy shit the emotions, imagine how Bumble felt 10 different feelings hit her at the same time, both good and bad.

Also YES YES! The text points out the shitty nature of the settlers and the clans in general and criticizes them for it, we love to see it! Bumble just… reminiscing on the good times with Turtle Tail, only to then remember that Turtle Tail turned her back on her, never helped her. Her world is shattered now, the one Settler who never gave her a scornful look or never whispered insults behind her back had left her scared and alone. I fucking love the honey and hive thing you used, it's really clever! But oooh my god, like the last story, I see the text "And he was right" as being Bumble's inner thoughts about herself, her internalization that made her hate herself. The same thoughts also apply to the next bit of text after that.

"She hated that Turtle Tail won her heart and shattered it." YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME ANON YOU CANNOT JUST BREAK MY HEART WITH ONE BIT OF TEXT. And then we hear TurtleTail's words through the point of view of Bumble and I really like that bit, we're seeing two sides of the same event, only now we are experiencing different emotions and thoughts.

Also. Ho-ly. Fuck. TURTLETAIL NEVER DID SAY THAT SHE'S SORRY, I ACTUALLY SCRAMBLED BACK TO THE OTHER ASK TO DOUBLE CHECK AND IT'S RIGHT. SHE NEVER SAID SORRY. That realization hit me in the face like a brick, anon. Anon I don't know how you do it, I don't know how you're able to create such clever stories, and the TWIST? Perfection.

Internalization is such an underutilized concept in Warriors, think of all the interesting and heartbreaking things that you could write when it comes to internalization of any kind. The fact that you made it so Bumble internalized those jabs that the settlers made towards her since that was a very stressful and traumatic moment in her life and then to have TOM really just hammer that in. It makes me so angry at the settlers, it makes me pissed off at Tom, it makes me sad for Bumble. Bumble please please you are worth the world you deserve everything good please don't let those dirty fucking hippie cats tell you that you don't belong because your weight is different than theirs.

[nights-flying-fox]

SLEEPY CAT FOR YOU MY FRIEND!!

SLEEPY CAT AAAAA SMOLL BABY KITTY IN MY INBOX

THANK YOU BANJO AAAA HERE HAVE THIS FIC :D

.♥♥♥.

 Mikey always loved cats. Since the day they had gotten to the surface and he had seen one, he fell in love with them. That was why he always begged for a cat to his dad. Too bad that Splinter was a rat, and therefore he hated cats. (Or at least that was what Mikey thought for years, until he found out one day that Splinter had allergies against cat fur.) There was also the fact that the sewers weren’t the best place to take care of a cat. Mikey couldn’t understand why when he was younger, after all he and his family lived in them just fine, right? But eventually he had understood why. He still wished he would have a pet cat.

 He never expected his wish finding him one day in the lair. None of them did.

 “Mikey, did you bring him here?” Asked Raph.

 “No, you know how it turned out last time!” Mikey said. Poor Splinter had a sneeze fit.

 “How did he even end up here?” Leo wondered.

 “I am sure I can track him to figure it out.” Donnie informed. “But he can’t stay here.”

 “Yeah, not without a name.” Leo grinned as he began petting the cat.

 “Leo! You know Pops doesn’t allow cats!” Raph said.

 Leo dramatically gasped, “Raph! Where are your manners, be nice to our guest!”

 Raph groaned.

 Mikey looked at the cat. A little brown tabby. It looked very sleepy too… “How about the name… George?”

 They all turned to Mikey. “What.” Leo asked confusedly.

 “I think he looks like a George!” Mikey grinned.

 “He definitely does not.”

 “Wrong, he is George.” Mikey declared.

 “No! He is uh um… Cocoa?” Leo tried. Mikey snickered at the name.

 “Cocoa? Really?” Donnie raised one of his drawn brows.

 Leo glared, “Well, you find a better name then mr-I-know-everything.”

 Donnie rolled his eyes. “I recommend something much better and smarter, like—”

 “WAITWAITWAITWAIT WE CAN NAME HIM JUPITER! OR JIM! LIKE JUPITER JIM!” Leo exclaimed.

 “I like the idea!” Mikey grinned, joining Leo and petting the cat as well.

 “That. Is not what I was thinking but works too.” Donnie commented. “We could call him JJ for short.” He patted the cat’s head. The cat meowed happily. “I like him, he is smart enough to agree with me. Unlike some…”

 “Hey!” Leo shouted. And so, the twins started their banter again.

 “Ignore them, kitty.” Mikey said to kitty. “That’s how they always are.” Then he turned to Raph, “Aren’t you joining?”

 Raph silently walked towards JJ. As he came closer, JJ left Mikey’s side and walked to him, meowing happily. Raph began petting it, his expression softening. Mikey could see the sparkles in Raph’s eyes. Then JJ yawned sleepily, “Aww he sleepy kitty…” Raph cooed. As JJ leaned to him, Raph opened his hands. To his surprise JJ jumped into his hands, and then tucked his paws under himself, ready to sleep.

 “He is a little loaf…” Mikey gasped.

 “Shh! You’ll wake him! You two too, be quiet!” Raph warned his brothers.

 The twins stopped whatever they were doing (Donnie was biting Leo’s arm, Leo shoving Donnie with his foot, frozen in the middle of their fight). Mikey looked at JJ, “Now what? We keep him, right?”

 Raph took a sigh, “Yes, but if anyone tells Pops or let’s JJ near him…” He gave them a dangerous glare.

 “Got it boss.” Leo nodded, getting up. “But where do we keep him?”

 For a short while they all brainstormed, trying to find the right place. Mikey wondered if he could keep JJ in his room, but probably not since Splinter sometimes visited their rooms. Also, it would be easy for JJ to get out and find Splinter’s room, which would be terrible. Where else… where else…

 “He can stay in my lab.” Donnie broke the silence. “Splinter rarely gets in, and it’s a big space. I can manage making it a safe place too. Both for JJ and for my tech against his possible mischief.”

 “Sounds good to me!” Raph smiled. “Good job Donnie!”

 Mikey saw Donnie smile confidently, his tail wagging happily.

 “Then what are we waiting? Let’s get the necessary stuff for our sleepy friend!” Leo declared.

 Mikey grinned, “Let’s go!”

 As they walked towards the lab, Leo turned to Mikey, “You finally got your wish, Mike!”

 He grinned, “Do you think more cats will follow the same path?”

 “Is one cat enough?” Donnie asked.

 Mikey shook his head, “Nope! Never!”

 “Michael, that cat most likely got lost. There is almost no chance something similar happening again any time soon.” Donnie said.

 Except he didn’t know how wrong he was.

[joy-haver]

I saw your post asking for comfort. I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I wanted to pop in and say that you are a very important person in my life. You have brought me kindness and comfort especially when I have been bedbound by pain. You are a lovely person who thinks deeply about a lot of things and I value your input and thoughts.

Ive been reading your spec-fics on clothing in a library siociety. And I have been rethinking a lot of my held beliefs about ownership and property. So I thank you for broadening my beliefs and ideas.

Thank you for being a part of my personal community. I wish I could send you a loaf of poppy seed bread and a warm cup of tea. So for now I love you do what you can to take care of yourself cause surviving and persisting and getting cate from your community and partners is inherently revolutionary. Bigger changes and effort can wait. But it is important to remember that rest and allowing yourself to be cared for and asking for your needs is inherently revolutionary. And if we want to build societies of care for everyone we also have to trust our work and communities and allow them to take care of us when we need.

Rest well and lots of love,

❤️💗💜

Thank u. I love y’all

Reminding mysef to accept care is hard and I appreciate the help with it.

Words I wrote in my good times come back in these times

“I like to say that the worst things about you and the best things are the same things. Because you get hungry, I can share with you a meal. Because you are tired, I can tuck you in. Because you are lonely, and scared, I can hold you against me. Because I see the devastation around be, I can seek the solutions.

Present those imperfections to the world, and fit yourself within the interlocking system of human life.”

[eeveearoace]

WOO BOY, i just finished the owl house, and MAN. i am feeling a lot of things, and i wanna talk about them (putting it under the cut just bc there's so much lol)

firstly, i know there's a danger in comparing shows to one another, but i'm honestly WAY happier about how toh ended in comparison to amphibia. i understand WHY amphibia ended the way it did, but honestly? i think it was kinda the wrong way - but that's probably just personal feelings, idk. but TOH?? overall, i really liked the finale. the idea that friends and family wouldn't be able to see each other again after everything they went through is just heartbreaking, and even though i love angst, sometimes it just doesn't work for canon.

"it'll be nice to see everyone again after all this time." "luz, you saw them last week." i had to pause the episode after that, because THANK FREAKING ARCUES. if luz got separated from them,,, UGH. SO glad they didn't take that route lol

one minor complaint i have about the episode is that the beginning made me feel like i was missing something, or had somehow skipped ahead, or was watching the wrong thing, or just. idk. i get why they did it, it definitely made the collector's game hit us as an audience harder, but since i didn't see it live, the beginning. just made me feel like i was missing something idk lol

and the episode did get a bit "power of friendship!"-y, but whatever. it wasn't too bad lol

but OH TITAN when the animation got SMOOTH??? i went a bit feral ngl (it!! was so good!!!!!!!!!!!)

also, i'm just. so glad that raine didn't die. i wish we got confirmation about raine and eda, but honestly, i'm just SO RELIEVED that one of the few nonbinary characters in media didn't die (and that the only nblw ship in media that i know can still sail!!)

"i'm sorry for everything" going feral going feRAL GOING FERAL (they knew what they were doing. they wanted to traumatize us. *velociraptor screech*)

TITAN. LUZ. that design was SO GOOD AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (also, HARPY LILITH?? HECK YEAHHHHHHHHH)

titan dad ;^; his nonbinary vibes,,,, ;^; i loaf you,,, ;0;

willow becoming a grudgby player just makes me so happy, but HUNTER CARVING PALISMANS??? SCREAMING SOBBING YES :,))))))))))))))

blue flapjack,,, pancake,,,,(?)

i'm really happy that with titan luz, her powers were still all sigil-based (i'm really glad that the show didn't cure her "disability", even if it would've only been temporary)

the collector learning and growing :> we love to see it

okay, so i know belos is evil and everything, BUT. okay that goopy cursed design kinda slapped super hard idk what to tell you-

also LETS GO RAINE the way they FOUGHT AGAINST THE POSSESSION?? heck yeah. nonbinary bards let's goooooooo

the way that luz just. is so done with belos. she's not falling for the "oh the curse made me evil" stuff. she's just like NOPE and honestly? we love her for that

"i'm sorry for everything" i already mentioned this. but i'm still reeling from it

flapjack tattoos ;^;

HOOTSIFER AND LILLYYYYYYYY ;0;

it's honestly really kinda cool that luz looses her connection to the sigils until king gets older (i mean, it sucks for her, but still) because sigil magic was ALWAYS connected to the titan, ie, king's dad - but it starts to return as king gets older (but it's still nowhere near as powerful yet, which makes sense)

there's probably stuff i'm forgetting tbh, but it was just. really good. and i'm so glad that raine didn't die and that luz can still go back and forth between the human and demon realms :,)

[shinakazami1]

Been busy lately so I don’t have much time to review and edit, but here I am! (this was supposed to be sent on the anniversary.) (edit 1: It’s already (edit 2: halfway through) november.)

(edit 3: i gave up. words be damned, i’m sending this. there should have been more. curse you writing)

(edit 4: reminder. write a long ask anywhere else except the actual tumblr ask window. sending again just to make sure i didn’t hallucinate all this- it would be so, very embarassing...)

hehehehehe love your art. Crunchy. Pringles. Crushing it in my mouth. yummy colors and perspective (That bucket sexyman design looking kinda fine though.,..i mean who said that) (->absolutely normal behavior)

I love how you interact with others’ art, leaving your comments and compliments. Really appreciate that little motivation boost and positivity you spread :)

As seen from Paratober, you seem to take the prompts beyond their face value and messed around with the concepts of those prompts (gonna put Jester in a carton box hehe. Can we have Jester loafing? Loafing in a box?)

Personally I’m not a writer, so I don’t know how you guys’ brains work but I love how you come up with interesting ideas stemming from the game’s original material, expanding, digging deeper into them. I look up at you all in wonder hehe

Also, I read unheard wishes.

You see, I rarely ever seek out angst. I came in there with “this is gonna hurt but I can totally bring myself through this”

Boy was I wrong. Now, because I didn’t read it properly enough to leave a comment that would do it justice (time restraints get you like that), I won’t give a lengthy review. But just so you know, my general feelings were “who do you think you are. did you really think you had the right to hurt me like this. *inhales* aaaaaaaaaAA *cars crashing glass breaking sound effects idk* *lays motionless on the ground* (affectionate)”

Maybe i’ll read your filk wip next. Biology is fun :]

It’s your way with the images you make for your stories and art. Candlecurator? Whatever’s up with fernarrator? I’m not listing the ones in your writings. A lazy, lazy anon I am, I know. [insert another keyboard smash]

I haven’t been here for a while so i don’t really remember much, sorry ;; (-> fake fan detected?!? *vine boom*)

Your theories definitely left the strongest impressions on me. How do you all think like that?? (this goes to the rest of you, tsp theorists/analysts/meta. what are you all on??? damn. give me some.). Perhaps it’s a writer’s thing, maybe I’m just incompetent in this deep thinking kind of stuff.

My favourite was the nature connection theory. Absolutely ate that up. (definitely not because of my bias for plants and nature-related stuff, noooo-). You somehow connected the plants in the parable, creating these wonderful strings of text about what you saw in these plants, the implications, and then sharing those ideas to us. Give me your braincells, shina. Give me-

[Close your eyes.]

Anyway- I think you’re pretty neat :]

Have a nice day!

✨✨✨!!!!!307 ANON!!!✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

ᴬᵍᵃᶦⁿ since I was already writing a draft to respond to your previous ask. The fact you have this copy makes me hope you are saving these asks somewhere because I lost a lot of posts thanks to the great Tumblr editing system....

Happy (belated and too early at the same time hehe) anniversary 307 :] To your edits - PLEASE start writing drafts somewhere else oshsaoifas I don't want you to lose your versions again. You might say you are not a writer but you decide to write such beautiful comments and asks - value your words more :]

Anon. I have an exam this week so it will take my energy but DO KNOW YOU WILL GET BUCKET SEXYMEN SKETCH. I imagine you will see it in a few months but,,, I hope you will like it, just like you like my art in general.

I feel now in retrospect so silly I hadn't done this sooner!! While I sometimes don't have the energy to comment on other people's stuff in my own comments, I know how much joy being told your words could make someone happy :] And I love interacting like that!! Shared appreciation!!! That's why I adore Tumblr in general - it feels most organic in that ability to engage with others as a social media.

I'm glad you like the Paratober prompts! I am happy I mixed the prompts to try to get even more creative with them!! And feel free to put him in every box!! Some old art of Jester in a box:

(I gotta finally start uploading my old art I do have. There is so much...

FEEL FREE PLEASE TO LEAVE MORE COMMENTS EVEN A SILLY ONE BUT OUGHHH I am so proud of Unheard WIshes so thank you so much <333333 Glad you could enjoy

Just remember anon that I do not know your age and the rating for Filk is Mature so please respect the ratings :]]] Ao3 tagging system is there for a reason!! However I still keep on getting opinions that Filk seems to target 16+ demographic since it's more South Park style...But still, please respect it :]

Oh sure, you are so lazy *looks at your very detailed an amazing asks* so lazy. But WAH THIS IS LIKE??? A VERY RARE CANDLECURATOR APPRECIATION??? Like I know folks see Fernator and like him but to hear you like her means so much to me ;;;;;;

And hey - life gets busy :] The fact you wanted to come again, read my story and wrote this, rewrote even god knows how many times... I will always think fondly of you.

DUDE OUGH I need to return to theories, I have so many yet to share,,, you wanting one means a lot to me :} I worked hard on the Fernator theory post so I am glad to hear you could enjoy it! I might do a pool on what people could want hehe

[Closes my eyes and tries to close yours]

I think you are very neat, 307 anon. Thank you, for being you and I hope I will see you one day again. Every ask, I worry it's also a farewell. And then - you come back. I hope you are okay out there - I hope your life, even if so busy, gives you moments of happiness and calmness.

Have a lovely day, 307 :]

[erin-bo-berin]

Yep Sigh-mon-says, I wouldn't be surprised if they were the account you came across cos it was the one I saw. Thought it was the same person as people had warned about, gave that vibe. At least we know to steer clear of anything coming from them. Wish people would just stop spreading crap like they are.

I'm also looking forward to seeing what Joe does next. All of his projects so far sound great and can't wait for us all to see them and be able to discuss them ^^ and Decide still has a grip on me like it does with many others, so will be good to hear what he does next in regards to his music too.

How's Hoppy doing after her vets visit Erin? Is she still in grumpy loaf mode? 🐇

I know he’s filming Cold Storage next and as if you couldn’t tell I’m so excited for that. 😅Honestly his character is so wholesome and cute and I will die on this hill! I’m already contemplating rereading the book just for the character he’s gonna play lol

She’s pouting a lot lol she usually doesn’t stay mad the rest of the day and is over it pretty quickly, but today was a bit more dramatic when it came to trying to catch her to get her in her carrier. This was her after she got home and she was shaking like a leaf she was so scared 😥

[ianiohn]

I saw where someone posted scripture

Talking about don't listen to people pushing

Angel's on you or delivering a type of Angel

Worship. But isn't it you that place's statue's

Of Angel's over grave's, and you that put's

Them on Christmas tree's, and you that tape's

Drawing's of them on window's and door's, and

Your churches that have stained glass window's

Of them all over your land, statue's of them placed

Where you will? Isn't it before the Holy Angel's

Jesus will deny He ever knew those who deny Him?

Isn't Jesus seen as an Angel Himself when He is

Described as "the Angel of the Lord?" We have to

Remember that Paul also described Angel's as

"Power beings" and did admonish us to not go chas-

Ing after Angel's, but don't be afraid to give your

Testimony because people read thing's they've never

Seen before and think they have all the answer's.

Jesus said He will come a little early and do thing's

A little differently, and don't let other's tell you what

To believe. You can do anything your faith tell's you you

Can do and don't be thrown off by new teaching's.

Stand on the truth and the truth will set you free.

Remember too, the Bible was changed greatly from

The way the book's were originally written and replac-

Ed with what served Satan and his follower's inter-

Est's and not the believer's. If Jesus put's Angel's in

Charge of you, don't refuse and think you're neces-

Sarily doing yourself a favor. He'll put them in charge

Of you for a reason and there is no reason to fight

It and then think you'll come out on top. Is it worship-

Ping Angel's to be thankful that you're still alive be-

Cause they hid you from your adversaries or dealt with

Your mocker's that they never bad mouthed you

Again, or stood up for you against people who meant

To pummel you, or guided you safely through the

Force's of your enemies so you could buy a loaf of

Bread? Then find me guilty because I will alway's be

Grateful to each and everyone for what they did for

Me and those thing's I'll never know about because it was

Done behind the scene's. Jesus, Father, and the Holy

Angel's, the Saint's, all of Heaven and those who

Wish to see me succeed, thank You all for what you

Did for me. I am forever in your debt.

[messofmoss]

thursday, june 20, 2024

4:52am

it's been weeks since julia has told me she loves me back. i told her again, and all she said was thanks. maybe she doesn't anymore. maybe it annoys her when i tell her. i should just leave her alone.

she probably wouldn't even notice you're gone. or if she does, she would feel relief to finally be free of you. if you care about her, you'll leave her alone. just leave her the fuck alone.

5:05am

she doesn't want your love. just cris. your love is only agitating for her because you're not cris. love and attention from the wrong person is irritating. she doesn't give a fuck how you feel about her. she only keeps you around as a distraction from her cris feelings. that's all you ever were and you're not even a good one anymore. there is no point to your existence in her life. tbh there's no point to you at all. what good comes from your existence? two cats get cuddles a lot? they'd get cuddled by someone that could afford to take care of them better. they could get cuddled by someone who would clean their litter box more regularly. they could get cuddled by someone that lived in a house they could roam freely in. even they would be better off without you if you weren't so fucking selfish.

5:14am

why the fuck do you even care what she thinks anyway? she's boring as hell 80% of the time. she doesn't have a drop of whimsy in her body. your relationship is like she's a member of the crowd watching your comedy special. laughing ever so often and maybe answering a few questions now and then. 90% of this entire friendship is just you. she doesn't deserve you.

5:20am

do you think loaves of bread at the store want to be picked? like they know they're going to be eaten? or do they try to wish themselves invisible and silently scream when someone picks them up and sets them in their cart? would each slice be like taking a limb from them?

many times have i only wanted 1 loaf of bread but i saw only 2 there so i couldn't just leave the one behind because what if it felt unwanted or not good enough? what if it missed its friend? so i buy both. but what if that is a worse fate because now it has to watch me tear his friend apart limb from limb? that fucking sucks

10:09am

maybe i'm asexual??

8:44pm

what a day. i went downstairs to check on grandma and turned outlander on for us to watch. it was around 3 when i realized that there was an odd smell. turns out one of the stove burners was on and filling the house with gas. so i took grandma out to 3 cemeteries and we drove around in our nightgowns.

i called my dad while we were out to check on him because of the heat and all. i told him we were going out to sand lake union cemetery and so he asked me if i could go up taborton mountain to my uncle's house to get a microwave for him. so i did.

once i got home, i basically just read for the next couple hours. i'll probably start another book now that i've finished this one. it's easier to not think when i'm reading. well if the book is interesting enough. i'd rather be in their world than my own.

11:13pm

my hairdye finally arrived but i think i should wait to do it. i don't want toooo but it's so hot lately that i'll just sweat it off at work and dye my clothes and skin lol embarrassing that'd be.

11:20pm

julia sent me a selfie today without me asking and a voice message without me asking. then she sent two kissy faces when she went to bed instead of hearts.

it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything

but i want it to. i want to kiss her. she's so unbelievably pretty. how does she just wake up everyday and look like that? that's crazy.

she would never be interested in me. i'm like a fucking whale. an ogre. a troll. i feel like i am just ballooning more and more everyday.

my legs don't even feel like mine half of the time. they're like huge and each jiggle is so uncomfortable. like it feels foreign.

in general when i look in the mirror it doesn't feel like me. like who is that?

there was a period of time when i had like two sides of me. i called the other one emma. emma is a lesbian and more repulsed by men and doesn't want kids. vs katy who wants a traditional life with a man and children. i feel like i go through periods where i feel more like emma or more like katy. i actually had started a diary once where i was going to write journal entries and like sign them as katy or emma so i could see the difference more. but i am typically bad at keeping up with diaries.

i found it lol i only had one entry after this so not very helpful. maybe i could start it up again. though right now i feel kind of like neither of them.