#i wish to be where the hardcore fans are.. but im trying to play it as safe as possible

[shi0n]

no.6 musical ticket lottery presale started... shivering.. feeling sick... heart palpitating..

[slater-baby]

Hello! I'm currently in the middle of reading Indigo, coming onto that chapter where Simon's going to interrogate A.K. Through reading your story I couldn't help but ponder how much research, if any, you did to write Indigo (the little military facts, processes, groups, operations and mission, etc. had me perking up). I hope to write my own COD fiction one day (I'm pretty new to the writing scene honestly), and I was wondering how you did your research for military related matters. I always like planning before attempting to write so this would be incredibly helpful. Your writing style (slow-burn, world building and thought description leave me so immersed into a story) has me in a chokehold. No pressure to respond but I thought to just ask. Hope you have a nice day! : D -🧂

HELLO 🧂 ANON!! okay firstly, I want to apologize profusely for letting this message sit in my inbox for so long. I had a similar ask not too long ago, and I think I must have confused that one with this one, and mistakenly assumed that I already answered it. so IF IM WAY TOO LATE TO JUMP IN PLS FORGIVE ME ❤️🙇‍♀️

to answer your question!! So, in general, I like to think I have a pretty ok base knowledge of the military for a regular person. I seriously considered a career in the military (still am), so going into Indigo, I already had a lot of the knowledge I used in the story.

Furthermore, I've been a hardcore call of duty fan for the better half of a decade now. COD isn't realistic altogether (fr fr), but when I was younger, my interest in it was literally to the point of obsession askdflajdf so when it came to the stories, the reasoning behind their actions, and the things the characters said and did, I paid VERY close attention lmao

A lot of the plot mechanics in Indigo were inspired by the COD campaigns. I've played nearly all of them, so most of the military scenes follow along with a similar writing structure to what was written in the source material.

A piece of advice: if you don't know what characters would do in a military scenario, reference other works of fiction/documentaries. Trying to find real life scenarios to match every little detail is CRAZYYY hard. But finding fictional scenarios is actually a lot easier than you would think. There is one thing that you should know: It is not a requirement that works of military fiction be realistic. In fact, most of them are the exact opposite. But does that take away their merit as an enjoyable story? NOPE!!

For reference, here are some Indigo scenes that took heavy inspiration from other military fiction works!

Simon clearing Bardulla's office: Inspired by Recon By Fire in MW2 2022, in which Gaz clears an entire complex by himself

Indy's first mission: Inspired by the opening scene of American Sniper, with Chris Kyle on sniper overwatch

The 141 discover A.K.'s note: Inspired by the raid in Zero Dark Thirty, where they capture Osama Bin Laden

Considering LIDAR to map the underground lab: Inspired by the episode La Catedral in Narcos, in which they discuss mapping underground structures using military tech

The final mission: Inspired by the snow raid in Inception, in which they're operating on an extreme time clock

Rigging the bomb: Inspired by the documentary Evil Genius, in which someone robs a bank using a homemade device.

That covers a lot of the decisions I made throughout the story, barring dramatic flare lmao. Finding research on sensitive topics is very difficult, but by consuming a large swathe of media (both dramatized and realistic) can help you with writing!!

I wish I had a more concrete answer on writing logistics, but unfortunately, with Indigo, I relied very heavily on my base knowledge. However, here are some tips about things I DID have to research, as well as some resources you can use for general knowledge!!

LIDAR. This one has a lot of information on it if you can stomach reading science-y things.

Arms trafficking. Inspired by COD mw2 campaign, specifically the mission where they're in Amsterdam.

Uniforms. Dress and base uniforms, as well as appearance standards, are all available on government websites.

Enlistment and training requirements for special forces. This is also available on government websites and is documented in many, many documentaries.

Cold weather uniforms. This one I used first hand experiences that I read on Reddit.

Now!! For resources!!

I actually wrote a guide for military information!! It’s linked on my link tree! You can also find it here! This contains specific details about firearms, radio speak, and weapon modifications!

Someone else asked me about reference materials they could use for writing! You can find it in my link tree, or read it here!

ANYWAY!!!

I am so glad to hear that you’re interested in writing for COD!! AS WELL THAT YOURE NEW TO THE WRITING SCENE!! I HOPE THAT ITS BEEN TREATING YOU WELL!! We’re all brothers/sisters/siblings in arms now 😤😤❤️❤️ If you started writing before I answered this, pls pls pls send me what you wrote!! I would love to know how it turned out!! Plus, who can turn down COD fan fiction 👀 not me

HOPE YOURE DOING WELL HON!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING INDIGO AND FOR LEAVING ME THIS AWESOME ASK!! ❤️❤️❤️

[bellshazes]

could i ask the reasoning behind your dungeons and dragons dislike? is it with the format of the game, the general playerbase, the material, or something else? i dont play and i always think im missing context when i read your posts, but appreciate them nonetheless

haha so for specific context it's probably important to disclosed my first ever job was teaching board games & i did that for ten summers from age 14-24ish. so i have a particular exposure to/long-running beef with certain parts/aspects of the games industries which are both serious & well informed but also kind of inside jokes to some degree with my fellow GMing friends.

Wizards of the Coast have so many problems i don't know where to start, but the recent licensing changes suck for all the poor folk who have cared enough to try and fix their crappy system, a lot of the lore is racist, and I'm friends with MTG fans but not qualified to start explaining what the fuck is up with all that. but even disergarding that, D&D itself has gone through so many evolutions thru its editions that even hardcore fans will disupte which ones are good and which ones are total shit. (the intersection of "catholic priests who are intense about church canon" and "3.5E diehards" is really funny for instance, in my overly specific experience.)

but honestly my beef is that in the wake of the truly absurd and evil fearmongering of the stanic panic, generations of nerds have clung to D&D as the end all be all of TTRPGs to the point that total newbies are told it's a good entry point for the medium which ???? it's not ????

the only reason D&D is a good "first ttrpg" is because it's the most likely be something people you know already know how to play. it is a self-sustaining monster that gobbles up impressionable people curious about this weird, kind of cool hobby. and watching people homebrew D&D to be the game they wish they were playing in total opposition to the core, fundamental design principles of the system because they have been told it can be anything they imagine.... even when the mechanics hinder that. D&D was a dungeon crawler that took over the world, it's a combat game, it can be PLAYED narratively-focused but if that's what you want, you can do so much better i prommy. i think modding games (video or ttrpg) can be its own joy, but D&D isn't even particularly friendly to it without turning it into a different thing! & at that point, you're better served tweaking something else!

it is no individual person's fault. but please for the love of god play ltierally any other game: you can give your money to a passionate indie creator instead of WOTC, it will cost you less, you can work much less hard to get the gameplay you crave, there's something for everyone, there are less complex-to-start/explain systems, etc. noooooooo don't play d&d your so sexy lol <3 and here's beau @beeelderly's RPG training wheels doc for ideas on where to start!

[morbidly-malicious-muffins]

What Kind of Music Slashers Would Vibe to Headcanons♪

This little thing popped into my head. Fyi, the canon timelines are thrown out the window for this so... Yeah.

Bring forth the bop~

RZ Michael Myers

"Let my weapons be your children, let my armies be your damned. Try to suffer on in silence, try to stop me if you can." --- This Cold Black by Slipknot

I think he'd really enjoy metal in general. I can totally see him unknowingly stomping to some Marilyn Manson and Meshuggah, though the lyrics and message probably will just fly over his head.

He listens to some heavy shit, but probably all the more mainstream bands/artists.

The loudness and organized chaos of the genre fills the void in his soul and reflects the state of his mind, despite his stoic and non-verbal outer demeanor.

Someone please do everyone a favor and introduce Michael to some death metal. Admit it, it really fits his aesthetic.

This is just based on speculation, but I suspect a 70% possibility of RZ Michael resonating with Cannibal Corpse. Fight me.

He hates classical music with a burning passion. Back in Smith's Grove, they played Bach's Air Sul G on tap. (its canon in the first movie lmao) He hates it. Mikey no likey.

Freddy Krueger

"No stop signs, speed limit, nobody's gonna slow me down. Like a wheel, gonna spin it, nobody's gonna mess me around." --- Highway to Hell, by AC/DC

Freddy listens to classic rock, period.

This guy is ngl a supporter of music taste discrimination. You listen to pop? Disgusting. You listen to Jazz? Disgusting. Classic rock is the epitome of all music.

He'll call you music-related slurs you never knew existed.

As stubborn adamant as Freddy is, he does harbor some guilty pleasures, including 70's hair metal and glam rock. Pshh. What a heckin hypocrite.

Some of his all time favorites are Guns N' Roses, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, and AC/DC.

(Basic bitch)

*Hip thrust movements to go with his 'The Sprinkler' dance moves, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses blasting in the background*

OG Michael Myers

He doesn't listen to music, but if he did, he would probably enjoy Jazz.

Michael only listens to Miles Davis because he enjoys his music and can't be bothered to discover more artists.

Oml Michael I know Miles Davis is amazing but don't neglect other iconic artists plzzz. Someone please make him listen to some Teddy Wilson and/or Dave Brubeck.

I imagine him sitting stiff-straight on a rocking chair (he just likes how it moves), knife in his lap, rocking and zoning-out relaxing to 'Blue in Green'. (I love that piece)

#AfterHeFinallyKillsLaurie

#RetirementGoals

He also hates classical music because of the same reason as RZ Myers. Seriously, if either of them so much as hears the opening chord of Air Sul G, expect the speaker to be stomped to a pulp in a split second.

Bubba Sawyer

Alright let's all be honest with ourselves... 70's pop and country is Bubba's shit.

Look me in the face and tell me he wouldn't adore ABBA, The Jackson 5, and Dolly Parton. Thats right you can't

Everytime 'Dancing Queen' starts playing on the radio, Bubba will drop everything and start busting down.

Ain't nothing and nobody stoppin him. Drayton is powerless against the supreme sovereignty that is ABBA.

But let's also appreciate the fact that our Bubster can motherfuckin get down. *wipes sweat from forehead + heart eyes*

He would also do passionate lip sync with his heart and soul, to Dolly Parton's 'I Will Always Love You'.

50% chance of him starting to cry right after he finishes his earnest performance.

*Holding Bubba in your arms, rubbing comforting circles on his back as he bawls hysterically, incoherently babbling on about how much he loves you*

I also feel for some reason he'd really like Joan Jett & The Blackhearts.

Thomas Hewitt

"For one moment, I wish you'd hold your stage, with no feelings at all. Open minded, I'm sure I used to be so free." --- Citizen Erased by Muse

Y'know what I have a hard time imagining the type of music Tommy listens to. Kutos, Mr. Hewitt, you have defeated me.

siKE

(This is where I yeet the timeline out of the window y'all)

Thomas enjoys Muse, Evanescence, and Radiohead. (Fight me)

He just loves how emotional their songs are. He'd have one earbud in as he works away at his projects for hours. The music helps him concentrate, it is also a source of emotional support to him.

Hearing the heart-wretching lyrical content of 'Lost in Paradise' performed so beautifully by Amy Lee's angellic voice is really comforting to him. It's like hearing about another person's experiences. It makes him feel less alone in dealing with his emotional and mental turmoils and burdens.

The first time Thomas heard 'Creep' by Radiohead, he almost cried.

He also listens to My Chemical Romance sometimes. He only knows the Black Parade album, but he loves it. If 'Creep' didn't make him cry, listening to that entire album from top to bottom sure did. He started sobbing half-way through 'Famous Last Words'.

Tommy is emotional boi 🥺

Brahms Heelshire

C l a s s i c a l

No matter how stinky Brahms is, you can't tell me that he's not classy.

Schubert is his bitch. Schubert's style tends to be quite majestic and/or dreamy, (generally) and can change color/sound very abruptly yet appropriately. (This is just my opinion based on experience with Schubert's pieces, but then I only know his piano pieces soo) (let's still cue that maestoso to scherzando transition)

But of course, Schubert isn't the only thing he listens to. He prefers the romantic period, so Mendelssohn, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Shostakovich, Brahms, Schumann, you get the gist, all the staples. Oh yeah Elgar too. To be a proud English lad.

*Brahms swaying in the living room with the grace of a baby giraffe, engrossed in the beautiful melodies in Schumann's Kinderszenen.*

(Oml please check out 'Von fremden Landern und Manschen' and 'Kind im Einschlummern') (For those who play piano, they aren't that difficult too totally recommend) (Ok sorry I'm done now)

Brahms would totally waltz around alone to Chopin's waltzes and nocturnes.

Oh yeah apart from that classy shit, he likes to jam to meme songs.

"Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play---"

*cut to Brahms passionately fortnite dancing*

Listens to The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals for a good laugh. (Please, all of his songs are gold)

Vincent Sinclair

He'll have 'emo' and 'classical' with a side of metal, thanks.

I headcanon that Vinny McWaxy is an INFJ, so the boy is likely prone to crippling existentialism. It would make sense for some aspects of his music taste to reflect that.

*cut to Vincent sitting rock-still on his workbench/stool, hands hover in mid-air, staring straight ahead, some John Cage piece playing*

You'll never hear this from Vincent but he enjoys sexy-time music. He has this whole erotic playlist he listens to while working. (Boy likes to feel sexy on the job, I respect that.)

I think its pretty much canon that Vinny loves MCR. (Hello fellow emo piece of shit 👋) His favorites are everything by them really. A hardcore fan. He used to have MCR, P!ATD, and 30 Seconds to Mars posters plastered everywhere in his workshop until he had to remove them all to add to the intimidation factor of his waxy hell for passer-bys. For the record, he is very gay for Frank Iero.

On the metal part of his spectrum is mostly classic metal, groove metal, and thrash/heavy metal.

Rammstein, Pantera, Vildhjarta, new and old Metallica, Dream Theatre, Coheed and Cambria. His bitches.

He also uses music to scare victims when bringing them down to his workshop. *cue horror movie soundtracks*

*KI KI KI MA MA MA*

Is a whore for the dramatics when in a good mood.

*Lacrimosa by Mozart plays as he makes a point to bring the wax painfully slowly down toward a drowsy and petrified victim*

A lament for your upcoming death, pitiful human.

Bo Sinclair

"The day has come for all us sinners, if you're not a servant you'll be struck to the ground." -- Beast and The Harlot by Avenged Sevenfold

Bastard boy is into dad-music™. (same)

Dad rock, classic rock, pop punk, punk rock, old school pop, his shit.

He listens to a lot of the same bands as Freddy, but Bo (generally) doesn't discriminate and explores a more diverse variety of music.

Its a fandom canon that Bo loves Avenged Sevenfold. I totally agree.

A7x is the perfect amount of cynical, political, and shred for Beauregard, (I hc that ge hates his full name so plz don't ever call him Beauregard)

He listens to the radio whenever he's at work. Whatever that might be.

Will NEVER admit it, but he thinks Vinny's music taste is dope as hell.

He'll turn off the radio just to strain his ears to listen to Vincent's music downstairs. No one will ever know that though. You don't.

Actually likes classical music too. Its not one of his main genres but there's one piece he really likes, Second Movement of Shostakovich Piano Concerto No. 2 in F Major.

He never thought he'd enjoy this type of music. Its so.... Calm. He discovered that piece from Vinny's playlist. When he first heard it on his brother's speaker, he fell in love. It was one of the extremely rare cases in which he'd be committed enough to ask Vinny the name of the music.

Tiny shuffle for man-kind, huge fuckin step for Bo. Good job Bo, we're proud of you.

Also pleeeeeaaase message me or request stuff, I'm bored and have little inspiration 🦊

I might do a pt2 of this, since I didn't write many of the boys and gals🤷‍♀️

Also sorry if I've neglected some genres/artists (Like i've neglected non-piano classical pieces.... Bc ya girl is just a pianist), a person can't know everything😗

---Zali 🖤

[cosmosrival]

Rico besides Kama what do you think about the other indian servants?????

AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING TO GET SOOOO LONG!!!! i have a different view of the indo fam as a whole. i call them the indo fam but i mean the found family trope!!!! theyre like a group of college students sharing a dorm if that makes sense, since their servant selves are obviously different from their initial myths/human vessels!!!

OK SO. RECENTLY, i have an oomf that found books about arjuna that summarize his exploits in the mahabharata(I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ IT ALL IM SO SORRY) and also talk about him in a more philosphical manner such as his states of mind during each event etc and i’ve been meaning to read said book because im genuinely interested in arjuna now!!! and i’d like to know more about this indo prince because from what i’ve seen, he is portrayed in a rather bad light(?) in FGO which i find extremely !!!!!!!!!!! and incrdibley !!!!!!! strange !!!!!!! the mahabharata’s conflicts can be put in a mostly grey area where there’s no good nor bad, its not black and white. so seeing arjuna get bashed because of the way his conflict with karna was written is... hm. let’s say that im REALLY starting to understand arjuna fans that dislike seeing him get mischaracterized so much. OTHER THAN THAT, his design is adorable, his travel outfit is my favourite because he deserves to relax and have some fun!!! fgo making him a chuuni is cute and his VAs little moans are cute cute cute!!!!!!!!!!! (mash grabs my shoulder and forces me to sit down) i think that arjuna deserves better and im really happy to see him have fun in his travel costume voicelines. i think we should take arjun on a date!!! he’s a great lover, we’d have the best time!! OH ALSO, kama seeing him as the student council president in their interlude makes me SOOOOOOO HAPPY its unreal, i think it fits him very very well, the seitokaichou who was elected because of everyone’s hopes and recommended by teachers because he’s suuuch a good student but because of that, the pressure to be good is constantly towering over his head and everytime he looks out the window he wishes he could ditch class and skip a day just because he felt like going to the arcade and be a bad student.......just this once........i think hes very very cute...... i want him to cook for me. HAVE YO U READ HIS BOND 4 VOICELINE ?mmmmmggg i want him to get embarrassed everytime i praise him for having such a muscular waistline. AUG

ANEWAYS i also have quite the thoughts about karna, his characterization in the game is linked to arjuna’s and thats fine but i think that forgetting how much of a little sassy bastard he can get was a mistake! did you know that in apocrypha’s german dub on netflix, when jeanne calls his name like “You’re Karna, aren’t you ? The son of the Indian Sun God !” HES LIKE “So ?” AND THAT WAS SOOOO BITCHY OF HIM, i think that karna is a good boy in fgo but the fact that he was such a fighty old man in the mahabharata shouldnt be forgotten and is a charm trait. I MEAN ???? HE THREW HANDS WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD(ARJUN) WHILE BEIN LIKE... THIRTY TWO. WHATS WITH THIS ANNOYING OLD MAN !!!!! knowing these little facts about him made me like him so much more actually !! i think karna being so nice is adorable!! but the little bitchy energy u can find in his voicelines is also very charming!! i think karna looking at me emotionless as i ask him to lend me his notes for the nth time that week and then saying “...Mn.” when i thank him is cute!!! his voiceline towards things he dislikes is interesting to me. karna seeming aloof and mean bc he doesnt know how to communicate but is actually nice underneath...... hey... thats a little delinquentcore........ i wouldnt say yankii but hes like... hes like... u know hes the handsome quiet one of the group of yankiis... u know the one...? hey where are you going

ganesha is also a character im deeply interested in but i havent played CCC so i dont know that many details about jinako herself !! my brain goes HMMMMMM it seems lord ganesha is trans in fgo ! (since kama used to be a male god originally as well!!) ganesha uses all pronouns!!! and ganesha is also special to me because they share similar traits with kama when it comes to their characterization AND mischaracterizations. ganesha isnt JUST jinako. theres a part of a god in the servant mix!!! and jinako HERSELF is actually a pretty sad character imo. the whole otaku/neet thing is obviously a facade and her true wish being that she wants to redo her whole life is also proof of how much she hates what shes become, yet at the same time, she doesnt know what else she could do. but anyways, i prefer looking at servants from a lore POV so i think that ganesha should still be considered a god and be adressed as such!! i like seeing people portray ganesha as jinako but i prefer it when a certain lavish more godly side of them is put forward. a side of jinako that managed to move on a little bit if that makes sense ? that got more serious. and became someone else entierly despite sharing similarities. needless to say their bond with karna makes me happy since he shows them respect as you should towards a god!! its a bit different from their bond in CCC... like they matured somewhat!! anyway ganesha is the one who taught everyone else in the indo fam about video games and technology and i will NEVER shut up.

ashwatthama..... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM %_’(’ç_”’è_ç(è_’”545656455456545453£¨¨µ¨µMµ¨++°=)=)°+ goodness. jesus christ on earth. my love story with him makes me so embarrassed. when he got revealed i instantly fell in love with him despite knowing JACK SHIT ABOUT HIM but since i was the only one in my friend group who was hardcore into fgo at the time, i kept my love for him to myself and just... (looks away)(i drop my wallet full of picturses of him) quietly adored his everything in silence. WELL, ree having an intense crush on yankii type characters isnt new, its been my favourite trope for ages (gyarus go in hand with them!!) and im still very attached to it so thats what made me love him in the first place!!!! BUT THEN. I GOT INTO HIS MAHABHARATAN LORE. And OHHHHHHHHH BABY.......... (im twirling my hair) so theres this 7ft tall war criminal..........<3<33<3(mash leans in and informs me that the convention of geneva didnt exist at the time) SO THERES THIS 7 FTTALL IMMORTALMAN.......<233 gOD he makes me absolutely CRAZY9909840385%£%%£%%µ%µ%µ the love i have for this character is immense and whenever im sad i remember that pako exists and has a tablet and can draw and i suddenly feel so much better. ok im gonna stop horny posting a little bit. but hes my wife. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIS PORTRAYAL IN FGO IS THAT, they actually made him a good boy despite his initial roughness and misdeeds ???!!! HELLO?? ashwatthama wishing for a redemption ark is my favourite thing and his righteousness that was born because of his regrets is a very interesting drivepoint to me !!! hes a gorgeous character and im buying a ticket plane as we speak right now so i can go find him in northern india. i’ll find him. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !!!!!GET OFF ME !!!

miss lakshimi makes me very sad! because every female servant in the indo fam is an already known face. (... would sita count.) and lakshi being a jeanneface is a waste. well, she’s still very pretty and her lore is also quite interesting!! i havent looked into it fully yet but i think she should be kissed on the mouth. her bad luck makes me slip on a banana peel whenevr i get close to her to kiss her and i hit my head on the pavement and pass away- 

parvati is on a tough spot for me atm. i genuinely love thinking of her as the way the indian goddess herself is portrayed because thats where the fun lies for me in her character. especially when shes involved with other indian servants, thats a given!! i would like to see parvati grow, suffer and heal. because branding her as an “all-knowing mom” is easy, but every single parent makes mistakes if you follow that logic. also, since shes the sakura servant “thats closest to her initial personality”, she’s got some of the most Repulsive fans ive Ever witnessed in fandom spaces and lets say that im trying to work my way out of this hellhole and find things to like about parvati without the fandom’s influence. needless to say, im going to keep looking into her mythos and her lore by myself at my own pace and keep doing my own thing in my little corner. 

rama shouldve been a jock. THE RAMAYANA IS OLDER THAN THE MAHABHARATA, WHY IS.....Hrm well him being summoned as his baby version gives me hope for a future rama alt perhaps??? but i think that he shouldve been a total jock and he shouldve been huge with a huge red lion-like mane for his hair and a teethy grin and big biceps and intense love for his wife. SPEAKING OF SITA, her charm point is her purity but i wish.... that their artist still hadnt drawn them like That, im not a fan of lily servants and i think purity = being young is a bit of an annoying excuse!!! rama and sita looking similar is because of their shared history which is fine but... rolls my eyes............. rama shouldve been 6ft tall and sita shouldve been a milf to match...... anyways i doubt ravana would be added as a servant but i’d love to have a ramayana centric event!! where all indo servants have their own lore centric role to play!!! oh thatd be a dream.... but i have learned to not expect much from a fanservice game so im jus gonna draw my own stuff! (strikes a pose!) (mashu claps!)

[ziracona]

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

[changbin-froggy-jimin]

This is so long @frillyfairyprincess but I hope you like my ramblings

Moonlight:

Ok so moonlight opens the album and it’s got a really nice sound, the lyrics are so tough to get through though and especially this bit which hit a bit hard

I think we as listenerns, and especially as fans, especially as army, sometimes forget that there are people who are listening to what we’re saying but even more than that really have to hear it if that makes sense

If someone were to look at you and say “what you have created will last a lifetime” at first it’s nice right? Who doesn’t want to hear they’ll make it through the history books, but then the self doubt slips in ‘are you good enough for that, you can barely finish (in yoongi’s case a song) whatever your working on? Is this what you want representing you?’ I think things like that slip into being something kind of really scary and upsetting words like ‘legend’ are sweet and show our support but bts, are still human, with real feelings which I feel like a lot of people forget

there’s no one else doing it like they are, there’s no one to look up to, and especially no one even close to what they’re doing, they’re alone, they can’t really make new friends because: do they like you for you, or for your money, what human connections do they have besides each other that feel genuine? Probably not many, imagine going outside to be mobbed, I even saw this clip of some girl running up and kissing yoongi and probably scarring him like, this isn’t a cute life to live, it’s not fun, they like preforming but I think there’s obvious claims throughout the whole album of wishing with some part of him to give it all back

When people make arguments about how people who are successful ‘don’t have real problems’ and should ‘go cry in their piles of money’ I kind of lose it, I don’t know where all that empathy you claimed to have went to, but you should really shut your mouth until you have to wonder wether the person eyeing you in the store window is planning on chasing you down the street and potentially hurt you because of the things you make with your own hands, not to mention most of the kpop industry hates them, but that’s another point for another lyric

What Do You Think:

I’m kinda losing it over this because while I am 1. Not korean 2. Do not live in South Korea 3. Or obviously, do not know intricately the culture that comes with the music industry there

I have heard things, that because bts is with a smaller company, they were treated pretty bad on things like variety shows (and probably at some music shows but that I’m not sure about) because in Korea there are these three companies that were pretty unchallenged before bts came along, and the thing is some of that wariness is fair, being with a smaller label is I’ve been told, a real gamble on your chances of being mistreated, so a lot of people don’t want to support smaller companies when they know artists are safe with the bigger ones, and I’ve seen a group who was actually horribly mistreated who I actually listened to (TRCNG I think?) They were treated horribly by their label and so I don’t think people want to support that kind of thing

The issue is you’re also putting away groups like BTS, Monsta X, ATEEZ, MCND, Oneus, and more, of some of my favorite groups, and I think being not only snubbed for having a smaller label like Big Hit in Korea, but also being treated kinda badly in America by always being treated like kids or people who don’t do enough research about them and their music (which happens to every artist, but from the individual bts standpoint I still think it matters) it kinda gets under your skin in a bad way

Now, again, this is all stuff I’ve heard, it could be wrong but it is something I’ve heard from a couple of people and seems to be fairly accurate

Strange:

Now this one I’m exicited to talk about

So as a Twenty One Pilots fan first, and person second (seriously they’re my favorite band of all time) this line made me really happy

It reminded me of the song lane boy, it’s a song that deals with the expectations of the music industry for songs on the radio that play to sound a certain way

This line more or less is saying “sure we would make music the way you wanted, but if you were to die tomorrow, would we have been happy with what we created?” which I think is fairly hardcore, it’s also funnily enough the album Tyler (lead singer and writer) cursed the industry on is the one that got Him on the charts with 4 songs on the radio, one of them even had lyrics about never ending up on the radio it was great

Back to bts, obviously there’s a bit of a difference in the way things are done in America vs Korea, but think one could argue its more or less the same if you take out the training aspect, an artist comes and picks up a song, and is told how to dance, what their brand is, how to act in interviews, and bts still spits in people’s faces over stuff like that, which is why I think that they specifically have as big of a following as they do, because of the genuine way they present themselves

I think some of their music can be formulaic funnily enough, it’s honestly the reasons I sometimes have a hard time calling myself a fan, because there are those soft, what to me feel heartless in general, songs about how they’re so in love, soft flower pink kinda songs, here’s the thing though, even though I really dislike this kinda stuff, I can’t help but sit there and know they actually mean it unlike almost everybody else because they try hard, they genuinely mean it because they care for their fans, like, it’s fake in the fact that the lyrics mean nothing in their lives and I hate that kinda stuff, but they genuinely put effort into crafting lyrics that make people feel better and put at ease, and if it works for other people that’s fine I guess

But because we know their struggles, because we know how they feel, we know that when they say it’s going to be ok they mean it and all that mushy stuff bleh, I just prefer a different kind of song, but even their not super mushy stuff is super lyrically interesting and neat, I don’t really tend to strongly follow people who’s lyrics mean nothing to me, there are some artists I like because their music sounds good (EX: The Weeknd, ATEEZ...) but it’s always a passing interest because in the long run I don’t want to say it feels a bit hollow but yeah it kinda does

Bts has always felt genuine because I can look at them and tell they’ve been down a rough path, and because of that it comes out in who they are and what they sing/rap about so they’ve always seemed less formulaic than everybody else, even I still think bts feels like they have to put one of them songs on their albums, it still usually has cool sounds while still being super cool, like fake love for instance

I feel like I lost my point in there somewhere... sorry about that, anyways next song

Honsool:

Ok so, while above I said it’s stupid to dislike smaller label companies but sometimes Big Hit really concerns me DO NOT GET ME WRONG I think all label have this issues and it both really scares me and makes me angry because weight is such a problem not only in the music industry, or the actor industry, but in Korea, I know that’s rich coming from somebody who doesn’t live there, but at the same time it affects so many people who I’m scared for, not even just famous people but the kids and it makes me so sad

The issue with the bts label, is the specific fact that because bts doesn’t need to censor themselves to make Big Hit happy they talk about the issues that bother them with the company themselves and fans alike and aren’t afraid to say something, I still remember the Monsta X interview where IM said “let us go on vacation starship” with what kind of seemed like the hope that the fan base could bully the company into giving them time off (I honestly think MX is worked into the ground tbh)

The issue is we know know Jimin had/has an eating disorder and I think a lot of people think it came from fans/fan pressure but imma be honest with you I think a lot of the pressure came from the company

This is from rookie kind episode 4

It was filmed when bts were still basically babies in their first year im fairly sure, even before American hustle if I remember correctly, the thing is, before blood sweat tears era, every single one of them called each other various names and talked about weight all the time, and knowing what it did to Jimin it was always rough to watch, but to be honest I think it really affected all of them, seeing people say things to members constantly about what they’re eating (Ex: people telling JK not to eat food at night) it’s so upsetting?

The thing is, while watching summer packages/bon voyage Yoongi is almost always on some kind of diet, and it’s really kind of scary in a sense, and while I realize, that some of this could be metaphor, or even represent a different time in his life, because Yoongi does say he writes down the way he’s feeling and uses them sometimes years later, I think it’s really kind of telling that they were all kind of bullied into this ‘extremely skinny or nothing’ kind of mindset that’s so dangerous I really really am worried for all of them, I mean he did recently say that he stopped drinking and obviously this is what that song is about so there could have been any amount of time between then and now, even if I don’t think it’s a lot, sometimes I am really scared for them and what they do to their bodies

Dear My Friend:

I know I’ve been talking for far to long now, but this is just so bittersweet and sorrowful I just kinda love it a lot

[b-ap]

[181117] B.A.P Forever Tour in Philadelphia - Highlight of my Life

This was really one of the best concerts I’ve ever gone to. Despite being skeptical of JSJ from the beginning, I was still willing to risk it and buy the tickets. I was debating for a while to drop $400 or not for m&g but when you think about it, it was only $30 per photo with each of the boys (+ a hat, hoodie, and whistle) so that’s HELLA worth it.  So I dropped nearly $600 for this concert but for real it was SO worth it. I was even willing to go down by bus all by myself and possibly wandering the streets of philly late at night for it but luckily was able to catch a ride! 

These two BABYz gave out numbers from the very beginning like they marked down if you were plat or baby package and in the end JSJ and fans actually honored them! It was really great cuz we were able to leave the line to go to the bathroom or get food! BABYz around me were so nice and friendly too ;u; When it was time to go in to soundcheck and for the concert, we all actually got in order! It was REALLY nice like wow thank you philly babyz!! We were let in a little late for soundcheck cuz apparently bap was doing some kind of interview?? As for soundcheck, it was sooOOOoooOOO good!!! They kinda mixed up plat and baby but oh well whatever I still got like 3rd row so *^* WOOHOO! The stage was up really high and the venue was quite small, but philly crowd’s passion was explosive and powerful!! At the beginning of soundcheck Zelo kept like peeking out from the backstage door *^* they were ODing the fog machine so you could only see silhouettes at the door sometimes OTL. Daehyun was the first to come out! He came in this big puffer jacket and had earphones and and was smiling so cutely!! That wonderful wonderful kitty smile!! OH MY HEART PLEASE HAVE MERCY!! And then the others came out! <3 Zelo was wearing like PJ pants lmao the same one he wore in that IG pic of him in the truck, jongup was wearing leather (i think.....), himchan wore the tour hoodie, and youngjae wore a long coat. BUT YEAH the first song they did was TMJ and the crowd was hella LIT!!! Like everyone was singing their lungs out and jumping and being really really excited! We all started jamming out hardcore at the very first note of TMJ and I just knew it was about to be epic. BAP was sooo happy!! They really enjoyed it as well!  And then they did DWIF and omfg daehyun was soooo cute cuz we were so loud during the OH!! part that he was like :O!!!!! and gave us two thumbs up!! The others were really happy too!! And then Zelo was controlling the crowd with his hands LOL like he was making us go side to side like a wave and then jongup was doing this weird dance too lmaooo we hyped up each other so much! It was soo much fun ;A; too bad we couldn’t record but JSJ got a ( video )~!! Like just listen to BABYz singing along at the beginning!! ( dh shocked at 0:41, thumbs up at 0:51)

We had to go back outside again after the concert and that’s when the line got a little messy since now there was also GA peeps and the sidewalk is only so big to fit like 3 different lines. But it worked out in the end and we got in order!! AND YA GIRL GOT FCKN 2ND ROW HEEEEEEEEELLLL YEAHH!! I had a GREAT view!! There was actually quite a lot of space and like NO pushing!! (except this one bishhhh but whatever that’s another story -.- i’ll delete her from my memory) But wow pit was fCKN great like wow the fanchants!! The whistles!! NO PUSHING!! LIKE WHAT WOOOW I LOVE YOU (this was an all standing venue btw). When we were waiting for the concert to start, they played a bunch of their songs and everyone was scream-singing the lyrics (well more like trying to LOL we can’t korean) We had our own bap concert with an empty stage lmaooo 

AND AHHHH BAP WAS SOOOO GOOD AT FANSERVICE!!! Himchan noticed me like several times i fucking cRy!! He looked and waved at mee TWICE and like gestured to focus on zelo for recording and taking pics when it was his part AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Like last year he saw me struggling in pit (cuz that was HELL) and looked worried I CRY and he smiled at me too huuuhuuu himchan youre a fckn angel I LOVE YOU!!! I made a half heart at daehyun and hE FCKN COMPLETED IT I WAS ABOUT TO FCKN DIE RIGHT THEN AND THERE LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!! JOngup threw so many hearts and kisses at the crowd and youngjae blew so many kisses!! They were waving as much as possible to fans and daehyun, bless his heart, kept saying thank you!!thank you!! at any chance he could get!

During Q&A, bap spent the longest time arguing about harry potter houses pmsl and then yj was just like idk i never watched it (shame on you bro) and then himchan was like EXPECTRO PATRONUM!! (nerrRRRddddd). Jongup said he was fckn Dobby like bruH thats not even a house!!! YJ was like forget this!! and said, “PASS!!” Himchan said that he was Slytherin and then jongup said that Himchan would be fkcn Snape and did this dramatic coat sweeping straightening up his back thing LOL so himchan said Jongup would be a muggle pmsl Zelo did like a broom riding imitation??? irdk.... Next question was what was your favorite song that you’ve ever made. Jongup answered Photo and sang a little of it (so then where is the studio version biiSHHHhh) but lol BABYz were like SEXY CLAP!!!!!! Youngjae pulled out a question, looked at it and was like NOPE! and put it back pmsl! The next question was what tricks can Mochii do and then youngjae was frckn like body slamming zelo and jongup lmaooo. Zelo was sooooo cute he was telling the story of how Mochii bit in all in English!! He said how he was eating and was struggling to explain that Mochii was under the table so BABYz were helping him! He said that he dropped cheese and then Mochii went to eat it but Zelo tried to stop him. Mochii bit and and then Zelo was like “ooh! bloood! my dog is ...wildlife” but the way he said blood was soo cute like the oo in moon instead of “blud”  This sweet precious boy!! His English was so good!!!! The next question was to sing happy birthday to a BABY named Jenny (wow you LUCKY girl im sooo jelly omfg). So Zelo sings her hbd really dramatically lmao and they give her their sweaty towel and Zelo gave her a water bottle too!! They’re so sweet!!!!!!! 

During their other talk segment, Youngjae was like since our tour in america, philly has been the most passionate! So we all SCREAMED and cheered like crazy! Daehyun was like hold up!! AGAIN! and went to grab a phone. He made us all scream and cheer again so he could record it. The boys kept gesturing to scream louder and more and were totally enjoying the cheers! I hope we conveyed our love for them well enough!! Also Daehyun release that footage soon pls!!! He told us we did a good job screaming lmaoo! Youngjae kept making sounds for us to repeat lmao like ooOOoooo (idk how to describe it LOL) and then was like “maestro!” when trying to silence us with his fingers like a conductor LOL but we kept screaming things LOL someone was like “this is my first kpop concert!!” so youngjae was like “sounds good!” and gave a thumbs up. Jongup also did the conductor thing hahahah Daehyun promised to come back again next year and I REALLY REALLY hope that they do!!!! 

The solos were beyond amazing. Like rewatching youngjae and daehyun’s solos made me tear up like how do such beautiful voices exist in this world? Did I really hear those ethereal voices in real life? It was sooo mesmerizing and breathtaking! Youngjae’s gorgeous baritone voice singing that smooth ballad huuuhuuu my heEArt!!! Daehyun’s heartwrenchingly beautiful voice, song, and lyrics wow let me just lie down and drown in my tears rn bYE! DaeUp’s duet was so cool, Jongup’s TML was perfect as usual, Zelo’s solo was sinful oh my those hip and that peach *blushes* it was suuuper fun and Zelo enjoyed it a LOT too!!! He lifted up his shirt!! 

THEN IT WAS M&G TIME!!! They set up the background right in front of the stage. We lined up to go in and bap was standing like: jongup, youngjae, daehyun, himchan, zelo! It was plat individual photos first, then baby group + hi-touch, then plat group + hi-touch. BABYz really went for it!! Like a lot of us got hugs! We were able to watch the whole m&g but they didnt let us have our phones out ;A; (and I also had used up all 6.5 GB of space on my phone OTL) BAP were SOOOOOOOO sweet UGH we stan literal ANGELS!! They love BABYz so fricken much!! JSJ was sooo nice to allow a lot of fan interactions AHHHHHHHH BAP did a lot of cute poses and played around with BABYz! LEt mE TELL YOU THAT BAP IS SERIOUSLY SOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, HANDSOME, GORGEOUS, STUNNING, MESMERIZING, UP CLOSE HOW DID MY HEART EVEN SURVIVE?????? I GOT TO BEAR HUG EVERYONEEEE THEYRE ALL SO TALL AND IM HELLA SMOL SO THEY HAD TO SQUAT DOWN FOR ME HUUHUU THYE LIKE PATTED MY BACK DURING THE HUGS TOO AHHHHHH WE HAD A DECENT AMOUNT OF TIME WITH ALL OF THEM!!! I TOLD DAEHYUN I SAW HIM IN KOREA IN ASU AND HE WAS LIKE OOOOOH THANK YOU!!! CURSES TO MY TINY AF VOICE CUZ I DONT THINK THEY ALL EVEN REALLY HEARD WHAT I SAID SOMETIMES!!! I told Zelo he was too tall for me lmaooo I really wanna see how much he had to bend down for me! I seriously wished that my m&g was recorded but :((((((((((( After my m&g I legit squealed and hugged my friend lmao but the staff yelled at us for being too loud LMAO BUT GIRL WE JUST HUGGED FCKN KINGS LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We tried to contain ourselves as much as possible LOL Daehyun said thank you out loud to a lot of BABYz after their m&g! Zelo kept dabbing at BABYz lmaooo a lot of them didnt notice tho cuz he would do it after they had already passed him HAHAHA when it was my hi-touch I dabbed at Zelo hahah and he dabbed back :D I wanted to get a group hug from them but i got too excited and FUCKING FORGOT to ask for a group hug *kicks myself* Now I wish I had written my name on a name tag (like “HI I’M JUNIE”) and hope they wouldve said “HI JUNIE”  but I didnt OTL 

I really wish I could relive the whole day. I wish I was able to record my m&g and got a group hug or them to say my name or I had said something more to them but it’s ok my heart is very very happy and I love bap soo much. My 7 year love for them continues and I will really love them forever. Let’s meet again soon, my loves! I’m looking forward to then~! 

[anyhao-archived]

got7 (obligatory) and pentagon!

got7

do i already stan them? yes | only for the music | attempting to | no

my bias + bias wrecker —  YOUNGJAE!!! + jinyoung first time i heard of them — if you do when i became a fan — casually during if you do, hardcore during fly era favorite (and least favorite) title track — just right is iconic but also im still partial to fly lol that was such a great time in my life. i dont rly like their newer stuff unfortunately :/ oh also never ever favorite (and least favorite) b-side —  begging on your knees!!! still played on replay favorite (and least favorite) mv — never ever favorite (and least favorite) album —  flight log: departure a concept i wished they’d try —  i want them to do something upbeat and funky again! what i like most about them — i love youngjae............... like i know i dont say it often and i only rb got7 on my side blog I LOVE YOUNGJAE and i love how open they are as a family and their fights lol also they gave me flight log departure so how can i not like them

pentagon

do i already stan them? yes | only for the music | attempting to | no

my bias + bias wrecker —  yanan + hui/shinwon/jinho first time i heard of them — debut when i became a fan — debut favorite (and least favorite) title track — naughty boy is easily one of my favorites, but so is critical beauty.... and like this... i dont think there’s one i DONT like favorite (and least favorite) b-side —  spring snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! favorite (and least favorite) mv — naughty boy hehe but also shine of course favorite (and least favorite) album —  their debut self named album!! a concept i wished they’d try —  hmmmm this one’s hard, since they do a lot of concepts. i would like another romance upbeat song where they all try to woo the MC lol so cute casual oufits! what i like most about them — their music is super good and i really love how they switch off between upbeat and dark

send me some kpop groups!!

[vivloptoriat]

more intro to myself pt 2 ?

um ok so about more things i like i also like:

- calligraphy and studyblrs/studygrams :) i wish i started one but i’m not satisfied with my stuff (or most of my stuff) and i dont want my mutuals to find me 0-0

- i play violin ? this isn’t a like but like i play it a little bit :D i’m not in orchestra this year since they placed me in t h e a t r e .-. but it’s just a year i guess ;0 i need to whip out my violin RIP LOL

- oh i like anime and stuff and shows! haven’t been able to watch too many recently since school and everything but i’ve watched like the bare basics of animes and shows. i’ve watched sherlock, htgawm, reign, supergirl, idk a bunch of random stuff but i think sherlock is my favorite. in terms of animes i’ve watched death note, kakegurui, jjba s1-s3 (i know im weak), haikyuu!!!, one punch man, and probably one other thing but my brain capacity is small. i like haikyuu :))

- oh and lastly i’m not too into this anymore but i used to like kpop a lot :D i’m like decently versed in the community, not super hardcore but i was a casual fan and my first and currently only album is exo’s tempo allegro version :D i also used to be an *intense* bts fan but i drifted a lot lol. i just like pretty chill music now :0

um i don’t know what other parts of introductions there are i’m not really social rip. usually at school when we’re forced to do introductions i just say some simple stuff like “hi im ____ and my favorite animal is a dog and my favorite color is yellow”, stuff like that (<- that’s true doe LOL) 

idk this is my first time on tumblr ? idk if i’ll use it too much but writing this out was actually pretty nice. it’s kind of my only escape from the world (besides my lovely <3 esports <3) where i can just be myself and not worry about how my friends or what people around me think of me. i know that’s a really bad mindset but it’s kind of ingrained in my brain. it’s not to the point where i’ll actively change like who i am around people but it’s just i die inside a little bit whenever i do anything in life. for instance, i had a kahoot game in school and i put my normal kahoot name, which was “vickvickvickvic” and when everyone put their normal names i actually just MELTED into my chair and died. good thing it lasted only 1 question though YAY

idk what types of things i’ll be posting here; i also don’t really know how this website works LOL 0-0 . i’ll probably be sharing a ton of ESPORTS WOOO since i don’t have an outlet for that in my daily life and yknow i wanna express my admiration somewhere :) 

getting tumblr is also kind of a landmark for me i guess? if i wanna put it symbolically ? (god that how to read literature like a professor book is really in my brain ow ptsd - chovy). it’s the first thing in a while that i’ve actually gone through with after i had an idea about it lolololol i have ideas but i never go through with them so this one’s new.

maybe this’ll be like a limited journal ? i’m not gonna post everything about my life i’m not trying to get kidnapped but like maybe it’ll just be somewhere to write my thoughts :D 

also sorry to anyone (and my future self) for writing this so long lol mb if anyone reads this im sorry you had to read the painful intro of who i am 

OH i also extremely SUCK at being social

but gnightt im gonna prep and hopefully stay up to watch one game of play ins stage for worlds tonight since last night (opening night god i suck) i fell asleep ;-;-;-;-;-;;- but bye to everyone/myselfidontreallyknowwhothisblogistoorfororwhattheintendedaudienceis

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 6: “I hate this slow death” - Pedro

Pedro A

im ready for revenge

Ryan

Everything about that tribal was... not great. I am not a fan of my new tribe, Amy betrayed me and Alan's mullet is starting to annoy me lmao. Might have to go with the hanuha peeps

Najwah

I was looking forward to a tribe swap because I was on the outs of my last tribe but this is literally my worst nightmare. We are outnumbered. So automatically if we went to tribal either James or I would be voted out. Also, the ONE person on my old tribe that I've never spoken to. James. I have zero relationship with him at all. In fact, I don't trust him at all. So this is going to be difficult. Best I can do is get to know the other people. Awesome plus is that two other members are from other parts of the world too so I can talk to people during day hours. Haha. Urgh hopefully we win our next challenge and the ones after that. James isn't really a good team player. He's very technical and I suspect he has the jewelery box. So yeah, let's se how this goes. I only have one goal right now and that is to make it to merge. That's it. Pedro A

i honestly will tell all the alliences kalle has..if we lose the challenge

Alan B

I lost all my friends in the swap!!! Im so scared 

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOoHPa38woQ&feature=youtu.be

James Hayden

Ryan messaged Naj and I saying he and Amy had a falling out, but reconnected with her and is iffy about Alan. Based on old Maola’s round 5 tribal, it appears that Alan is on the outs. Amy messaged Naj saying that she’s happy someone from Africa is also on the tribe. If Naj can pull in Amy and I can pull Ryan then we have a 4-1 over Alan. But I don’t know if that’s the best move. If we vote Alan out, then Palena consists of 2 original Hanuha and 2 original Maola. If we go back to tribal, then we probably deadlock and I’m NOT letting a challenge decide my fate in this game. If we bring in Alan, then we have their vote the three of us can vote out Amy and Ryan, have the numbers on the tribe, and go into the merge three strong. I can offer Alan a spot in F6 w/ Jess or they can be voted out pre-merge because it seems that Ryan, and maybe Amy, are willing to vote them out. In the words of Rory Freeman," I think I found my little crack.” I just need to talk to Naj and see what she thinks about this. 

Ryan

I’m bitter as hell. I really wanna make my teammates regret not getting rid of me over John 

Zack M

oop- i should have confessed earlier but like i decided to drink and watch the strangers with my roommates because we don't have a challenge tomorrow. love a night off. but i remembered just now so let me try to recap what happened today..... WE SWITCHED TRIBES. thank god i stepped up as the hanuha (i never know if i'm spelling that correctly and i'm too lazy to check) leader. yes, i volunteered but let's be honest i was the leader regardless. maddison from the other tribe and i did a school yard pick for new tribes. i was really hoping that maddison was going to be available because najwah was hardcore online stalking the other tribe and found out she is a big katy perry fan. i happened to have met katy at a party and she took my phone to take a photo of us. i was totally going to lie and say she was one of my artists and i would get maddison a personalized signed record of her upcoming album if she kept me safe. soooooooooooo if maddison sticks around keep an eye out for that move. putting it in my back pocket for now. no one is safe with me. lol. anyways, this couldn't have worked out better for me. i got ben and cody which are each my final 2 but also we're in a final 3 together. what? i know! i needed this good luck. i feel bad because i don't have sarah and james but i couldn't get everyone from my top 5 alliance. i also feel bad because i had a really great conversation with najwah today and i absolutely love her. however, she was ready to work with new people so i hope she finds peace with the new tribe she is on. i also hope she works with james and doesn't fuck him over so we can all be reunited at the merge. praying for you james because i know she is ready to switch it up. i chose pedro and kalle from the other tribes for specific reasons. pedro beat me at the flag challenge. i felt like this would give us common ground to create a relationship. i also chose kalle because she was the one that ben was talking to last night when we struck a deal with the immunity challenge. RELATIONSHIPS. i'm playing a very social game so i want to make sure i'm in everyone's head. side note: can i say how happy i am that john was voted off tonight. i know he wasn't on my tribe but that bio / the way he acted last night when i was trying to strike a deal was so cocky. he would have been my #1 target if we moved into this round with him. like i was debating getting him on my team and purposefully losing to vote him out and get the numbers up for my original tribe. kind of bummed when i didn't see his name on the list. sorry dude ... but not really. easier for me. things at the new hanuha are weird. obviously ben, cody, and i are close. as far as i know none of us have messaged the others individually and none of them have messaged us. again, cody is a wild card. i love him but i just do not trust that kid. hopefully everyone is telling the truth. i want to reach out to pedro but i don't want to come off too strong yet. not making the same mistakes as you john. my goal this entire time (well since i decided this was a legit game and i would stick around) was just to make it to the merge and now i see the finish line. i don't know if i'm going to have the ability to stay after. i'm a huge threat. let's be honest. i don't know the other tribe but if they are playing the quiet game that i think they are then i'm the last person in this game SO FAR who has made big moves and gotten away with it. i think it is obvious to everyone. pedro even mentioned neil tonight which was HELLA strange. like did neil reach out to him? were they close before? WTF IS NEILS REACH?! this is why i will not allow another pisces in this game. if they have the numbers at the merge and they don't vote me out then they are really playing the worst game possible. im READY to really play and i'm sooooooo ready to stop playing a game for the tribe and start playing the game for me. HERE FOR SOLO IMMUNITY CHALLENGES. i've shown that i'm a comp beast ... once i understand the rules. but our tribe has been quiet tonight. i'm not sure what to do to spark conversation with the newbies. one day at a time. i would suggest throwing this challenge to get one of them out but ben is in school for tv / film and feels confident in his editing skills. i would like him to have a moment to shine and i would never take that away from him. i do have to say out of everyone i've met in this game so far that i appreciate ben the most. he is definitely stiff competition and if one person is going to beat me then he absolutely deserves it! everyone else i've met is floating in my opinion. that's all she wrote.

Pedro A

im honestly sooo doneeeeee.....first John......now im on the bottom.....im honestly so done....if the idol hunt doesnt work, ...idk what will happen

Pedro A

the 3 people that are in the tribe with me and kalle are inseparable...there is no cracks what so ever..lets just hope we win every challenge

Pedro A

honestly im just gonna try to be nº4 on this tribe...and hope we just lose once

Pedro A

guess what bitchessss.....my unlucky ass got nothing in the idol search....WE LOVE TO SEE IT..........honestly not suprised..luck hasnt been on my side...i hate this slow death

Pedro A

But if you close your eyes

Does it almost feel like Nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes Does it almost feel like You've been here before? How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

Pedro A

okay so im creating a graphic ..that explains the routes in the idol search...that me and kalle have done..so we can know where not to go. I also completed it with the info that john once told...rip john....lets hope we find something

Ryan

Ultimately, I am very sad hearing about what Alan is going through. But I am only slightly thankful for them making this decision, as it means I wouldn't have had to blindside Amy next time we go to tribal

Sarah

This new Maola tribe is like night and day difference compared to my old Hanuha tribe. This tribe is so quiet! I’m not used to not having over 100 unread messages in a day... Aimee and I are definitely down in numbers on this tribe and I get the feeling that the three former Maola tribe members are pretty tight so I am hoping we win this immunity! Ideally, if we did go to tribal I would want to work with Aimee and pull someone else in but if that won’t work then I could vote out Aimee since ya know she wrote my name down. But Aimee really is a great human and I would be down to work with her. 

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dbm4Ei7thuo&feature=youtu.be

AMY A

Tribe swap! I was unfortunately put in the tribe of people no one chose and that bummed me out for a few hot seconds but I also realized that out of a tribe of five, there's three internationals and one gender non-conforming person so maybe its just that people just cannot relate with us as well as  with Americans. That asiude, this tribe seems to be the right mix. I feel like this challenge was MADE for us cos we can totally milk the culture thing. If Najwah is able to put the videos together well, there is no way we wouldn't win outright. In the event of us losing, Alan has already suggested wanting to get out for mental health reasons so that would be an easy vote. All in all, I feel safe (knock on wood) for this round.

Ryan

I feel like I'm really settling into my groove in this new tribe. We really get on and we really all try our best (my last tribe did too but this one's just kinda special idk)

Zack M

i can't remember if i've confessed or not. i wish there was a way that i could read what i previously wrote. well i'm on a team with cody and ben with pedro and kalle from the other tribe. pedro is a little hard to read but i like him. kalle says he is hardcore searching for the idol though. she also shared that she believe grae and alan have the idol from the other tribe. so if they haven't used it by merge, they will be my #1 targets. i don't really have much to say. we made a video for the music video challenge. i sent a few notes to ben. hopefully he listens and corrects them because i don't know how tough the judges are going to be but there were definitely moments that could be cleaned up / better footage that could have been used. look it's hard for me to put my game in someone else's hands and that's what i feel like i'm doing right now. i wish i would have volunteered to edit but this is what he wanted to do so i'm going to respect that. i did get a reward because i was chosen as team leader. i was able to talk to past players who drafted me. i was honestly so stoked to chat with them and tell them what's been going on in my game. however, it seemed to be an inside joke reunion for them and i didn't really get anything out of it to be honest. it's like cool, you've sat on Skype for a crazy amount of time as well. love that for you. NOW HELP ME. but whatever. if i lose, they lose also. i guess i'll probably update again when i find out if we won the music video challenge or not. party.

Pedro A

Omg I hope we win this challenge.....I'm so scared...chilllleee..if we lose ..I already lost my one life lol

Ryan

We are not mad at Alan sending themself home. It'll be sad to see them gone, but it means I can get rid of them without having to worry about souring my relationships with old Maora

Olivia A

I feel really good about this new tribe and am really glad that we were able to keep 3/4 of my original alliance (Maddison, Grae, and me). Since we didn’t lose this challenge I think the 3 (and hopefully 4 if Kalle doesn’t get voted out) of us can stay strong to the merge and through the rest of the game. :) 

Maddison

Tribe swap played out as well as I could have hoped. I hope my original alliance members stay strong and we can make the merge as a strong three.

Aimee

Oh! I am having so much fun with my new Maola tribe! I think we vibe really well together. 😘🌈💜

Zack M

WE WON. omg thank god. the other videos were cute. reality: all three videos were tragic in my opinion but i'm a perfectionist. it's a win i'll gladly take. the scores were all positive except from ellie. ellie is really not a fan of the music video challenge and it shows from the bio / scores. we were better than 6 7 8 and 9s. shout out to the person that gave us straight 10s. WHAT WE DESERVED. tribal has also happened. super sad to see that alan asked to leave the game. i do find it wild because kalle shared that she believed alan had the immunity idol. this gives james and najwah a chance to continue on though and i'm so happy for them! low key hope they lose again because i feel like it would be easier for them to convince one person to vote with them. idk. also, i just think james has the idol so i don't mind him taking a hit if he can come back from it. we are currently waiting on a new challenge. not excited. was ready for a night off! but LETS GO.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsBK4PSENrQ

Najwah

Soooo last time I did this I don't think I was aware, that the tribe swap was a school yard pick. Dunno can't remember. Tbh I am re-annoyed that when Jay asked who volunteers, I was busy typing, but Zack once again took it. Do I feel bad about not being chosen by Zack when he was decompressing with me for a whole half an hour before it all happened? He was venting and anxious. He probably had his reasons. Well done for choosing a videograoher on his team too. Does it feel weird being part of the leftovers? Sure. As a POC it's difficult not to see that the non white people, person who stutters and young guy were not chosen by the leaders. I'm not sure why Alan wasn't chosen, probably because they were the hosts sibling? But yes, the innate racism, ableism and ageism was definitely apparent. Personally, I think a randomizer should be used. And people would call this exaggeration or trying to play the victim/being salty but if you're a POC and have experienced this kind of thing for 30+ years, you just see things for what they are. Anyway, on the plus side being on a group of misfits means that no one has alliances. Everyone is just genuinely nice. Wow. What a breeze. I started bonding with James more. I like this tribe. I feel less stressed on this tribe. Perhaps it's that we are all on different timezones so we all talk at different times, which I like. Perhaps it's because there are way less people lol. Do I feel discouraged though? Yes. I don't think we will win immunity. We are all too out of sync. 

Najwah

The music video challenge was fun. Not the best song choice tbh. I wanted to do Journeys don't stop believing because we were a bunch of misfits and I've been binge rewatching Glee again after Naya's death. Being a POC bi woman, that death affected me a lot last week. And Mr Shue is right. Journey is great. Anyway. I loved all the snippets and how much effort everyone put into the videos. It took me a long time. Like 8 hours to edit all of THAT, coz I did it in Vegas Pro instead of TikTok or a phone app like we should have done ugh why am I stupid. so I was sad when we didn't even place, but also Alan gifted me an immunity idol before they left and I was so overwhelmed I literally CRIED.  I miss Cody. I miss Leanne. People I could actually talk to about these things lollll. I guess we just have to try our best to win tonight. Our team is so out of sync though I don't see that happening. But we will try our best I guess. Last time we won an immunity challenge I prayed to God that we win. I think i will do that again. I think God likes survivor. 

Najwah

I need to make a disclaimer. I'm not unhappy about anything. I'm not salty about anything. I'm not upset or being complain-y. I'm just making observations. I am still really happy about this game, being able to play in it and being able to get to know people I wouldn't have crossed paths with in my wildest dreams.

[phoenixknightv2]

To a certain someone

I really didn’t want to have to do this but If you think I’m not gonna go out swinging after the events of Tuesday morning. If you think I’m gonna just forget about this....

YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN!!!!!!!!

First of all, I poured my fucking heart and soul out to you. I told you a lot of stuff that I don’t tell a lot of other people. I fucking opened up to you because I thought you understood me because you are also a fellow aspie. I don’t trust a lot of people these days. I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU!!!!!

Yes did I make my mistakes in coming on too strong yes I fucking did. But I said it before and I said it again,

I

WILL

NEVER

EVER

EVER APOLOGIZE

FOR HOW I FELT

If you think you are so innocent in what happened you are sadly mistaken. Telling me and I Quote “I never had another guy who cared about me and was truthful and honest in general and in the Pursuit of me like you” OH AND ALSO ASKING ME DO I WANT TO MAKE OUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY? THAT YOU HAVENT HAD IT IN AWHILE?!?!? LIKE WHO DOES THAT?!?!?? Especially because of the fact I legitimately gave a rats ass about you. Especially answering your calls at work

But you know what, here’s where I’m really angry. Here’s where I’m really hurt, it’s not the fact that we’re not together. It’s the fact that you made a promise that no matter what I say you won’t abandon me. Cause you’ve heard worse. Then Tuesday morning happens. You say even as friends we can’t talk anymore because you don’t want to be “disrespectful” to the new “relationship” with the guy you apparently are getting serious with.

Oh WAIT A MINUTE YOU TOLD ME YOU DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW WITH ALL YOU’RE DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW!!! YOU WANNA TAKE IT SLOW YOU WANNA GET TO KNOW PEOPLE AND NOW THERES ANOTHER GUY THAT YOU ARE GETTING SERIOUS WITH?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? WERE YOU PLAYING ME?!?!? WERE YOU TEASING ME BECAUSE IT WAS A SICK GAME TO YOU AND YOU GET OFF ON THAT?!?! THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!?!? CAUSE I DAMN SURE HAVE QUESTIONS!!!!

MONDAY NIGHT I OPENED UP EVEN MORE IN AN ATTEMPT TO NOT PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP BUT BECAUSE I HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THE CRAP I WAS DEALING WITH!!!!!!!! I WAS TRYING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU BECAUSE I WAS LOSING MYSELF AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND THEN YOU TURN AROUND AND YOU ARE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!!!! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT

While I was very upset the last two days, while you fucking hurt me bad, I should also say thank you. Thank you for giving me the wake up call I needed. Thank you for fucking showing me who you really are. Because you know what, I want you now to feel what I’ve been feeling my entire life and I love myself first so much that I’m not gonna just let this pass and do nothing. After everything I’ve done for you, Tuesday morning was a slap to my face. A hardcore slap. The money I spent, the good time and the care I tried to show you despite what I was dealing with inside myself

What really hurts me is I love your family. Your family is cool. But as History shows I probably won’t ever see you again and you know what, I’m ok with that because I’m done having fake ass people showing fake love to me. Unlike you, I’m not afraid to be verbal and open because I have nothing to hide. Turns out you don’t know who I really am.

Before my closing statement, I’m laughing because if this new guy is from Tinder something you admitted you were trying to get away from and that you hated then you are part of this broken society. You are just as big of a hypocrite as everyone else.

So in my final closing statement, I really do wish you well. I hope things work out for you especially with that guy you are apparently are getting serious with because if it doesn’t Don’t you dare come crying back to me because I won’t be there. I’am done pouring my heart out to people who don’t deserve it. Say whatever you want about me. Talk shit about me. I DONT CARE BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT IM DONE BEING WEAK!!!! I’M DONE BEING THIS SOCIETYS JOKE!!!! Yes I made mistakes and I’ve owned up to them, yes I know I’ve said if it doesn’t happen between us that it would make me question when is my time coming. Because in general, that’s what I’m feeling. Something you clearly don’t understand especially when I’ve been looked at as a freak my entire life and as a joke. But again I’m not mad about that, I’m mad about a promise you made me that you wont abandon me but yet here we are. Last but not least i’am having health problems so at this point if shit continues to hit the fan, if I die then you know what the crap I’ve been dealing with will actually be doing me a major favor then if I die of a heart attack so at this point I have absolutely nothing to lose.

I’m not perfect but I did the very best I could. This wouldn’t have been a damn issue to me had it had not gotten personal like it did but because it did, i take it personally. I really didn’t want to have to do this but I’m not gonna let injustice get away anymore. Plus the frustrations of the pressure I’m under, work, trying to get everything back together.....straw that broke the camels back.

Again I’m not angry that we’re not together, I’m angry because you BROKE A PROMISE!!! You say you care about what happens to me and you won’t abandon me, well Tuesday was a giant fuck you to the face and shows me otherwise. After everything I’ve done for you in the short time I’ve known you, that’s a giant fuck you slap to the face alright.

I have a Question for you. Did any of our conversations mean anything to you? Did the times the great times we had mean anything to you? The fact I cared enough to fix your phone and not ask for anything in return? The fact that I cared enough to be there for you, to answer your calls when I was at work when you were struggling at your Nanny job, to use a shit ton of my money to show you a good time, etc and all I asked for despite my imperfections is the same respect and care I gave you. Does that mean anything to you at all?

I guess not but I guess if this is the end which it probably is as history shows then I got nothing to lose.

One things for certain

The Truth has set Me Free

Remember these three words and remember the name

PHOENIX KNIGHT FOREVER

RECOGNIZE

PHOENIX KNIGHT FOREVER

Now we’re done

[its-just-emily]

information about me i gusse

well because i never get asks on what i do in daily life im just going to tell you my 5 followers who probably dont know i exist.

1. i go to school 

my plan for the future is to go to collage because i wish to study in order to become a teacher. i have always admired how well teachers interact with students and how much they work hard in order to give the next generation of young adults a chance at a better education in the world. i have been told that when i was little i would always want to play teacher and when summer vacation came i would never know what to do because all i knew was school. if you think about it school takes up a huge portion of our lives from going to school learning then applying that knowledge to the real world. i was also told by my father that if i chose not to go to college i have to continue the line of military work as in i go into the military. i am a more gentle soul and i dont want to go out a fight people or were a stiff uniform (not comfy). so i plan on getting a degree in sociology and a degree in technology. im hoping to be able to get a bachelors in sociology then move on to get my masters for technology i plan on getting an associates degree because technology plays a big role in our economy today.

2. i am a hardcore fangirl of anime

as you can already tell from my profile picture i really enjoy anime. my parents claim that it takes up to much of my time, but i must disagree because i try my hardest in school so i can graduate and move onto college. i have been keeping an anime list im at like 80 something anime my goal is to hopefully reach 100 anime. i really like magical girl anime but i dont want a main carachter who is boring. what i see in a main carachter is someone who is strong and tries to fight for whats right, has a good sens of humor and won't be afraid to say a snarky comment to someone who is annoying her. animes like diabolic lovers are alright but i dont particularly like how boring the main carachter is boring and acts like a lego pice, on the other hand animes like ouran high school host club are fine because the main carachter is fighting her way through the anime. Im not a big fan of sports anime or pure love anime where everything is sappy and predictable but i do enjoy a good sparkly fight.

3. i enjoy to read

i mostly love fantasy books but mystery is good to. as i said with anime i want a main carachter who fights her way through stuff and tries to do the right thing. i also enjoy a few romance thrown in where the main carachter falls in love but isn't focused all around that. as of the moment my favorite book series is the lunar chronicles. the main characters aren't pushovers they can fend for themselves and if needed kick butt. i also enjoy the ruby red trilogy it has romance time travel and a good plotline.

4. i have very bad bad spelling.

most of the stuff i type i use spell check to help me. without spell check even my final draft in english would have multiple spelling and grammar errors. as you can tell from this post most of the ‘i’s’ are not capitalized and neither is the frost letter of every sentence. i also have very bad handwriting, i tend to try to rush to get stuff done and that makes my writing very sloppy but if i take my time i can write very neat. i only know how to sign my name in cursive and i also have a signature. emily is not my real name but thats what you guys can call me, my real name is to stay a secret. 

[haldanare]

Rules: Tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better. Tagged by @erenaeoth

Nickname: Dont really have one, you can call me Nolo here if you like Zodiac sign: Taurus Height: 5’8 Last Thing You Googled: can't really remember but something about qunari i think  Favorite music artist: im a sucker for j-pop especially akb48 and sister groups. besides that.. soundtracks from movies and games?

Last Movie you watched: i dont remember  What are you wearing right now: grey sweatpants, redtankt top, yellow cardigan. beautiful i know What do you post: i just reblog art, fandom stuff and memes Why did you choose your URL: its a reference to cy-lidrics terrible dad feanor comics, where the nolofinweans are referred to as nolofuckers Do you have any other blogs: nope What Did Your Past Relationship Teach You: never had a relationship, so nothing Religious Or Spiritual: neither, i have a pretty nihilistic worldview  Favorite Color: dark blue shades are my jam Average Hours Of Sleep: 9 or so

Lucky Number: 7

Favorite character: so many. but i can't really think of any... 

How Many Blankets Do you Sleep With: One duvet, and a blanket sometimes Dream Job: i honestly dont know, I've never really thought that far.

Board games, video games or tabletop games?: i like video games but i dont really play them. i am thinking about buying a ps4 tho. boardgames are fun. i have never played a tabletop game but i would like to

Do you have any OCs? If yes, talk about a couple of them!: Yes! i do actually. i have a few but im just going to talk about one. Her name is Imaan, but i might change it i haven't decided. she's the heir to the throne of a giant empire, and she has been trained from birth to rule. she's pretty hardcore, like a ride or die type for her empire. her family has a very long and bloody story and she's actually named after her great-grandmother Imaan the Butcher who you can imagine wasn't a very nice person. theres a lot of other things that i haven't completely fleshed out, but its getting there. she's very determined to rule and do it well, but a civil war is brewing, and then her mother dies suddenly, possibly of poison. She also has a murderous aunt that keeps trying to assassinate her so one of her many many daughters can sit on the throne instead, but she has terrible luck in assassins and all seven of them have failed so far.

One thing you wish was canon in a fiction story/fandom?: i can't really think of anything off the top of my head.

Favourite thing to draw/ write about/ think about?: i always seem to return to Tolkien. sp def that. but im a pretty big fan of dragon age too. The strangest song you like (and a link to it if possible!): dont know if i would say i like thins song, its pretty catchy but also super weird i guess.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvS351QKFV4 

A book/story/fanfiction you read recently and would recommend (doesn’t have to be fiction): i recently read some of the books about Drizzt Do’Urden, can't remember what the name of the series is, but it was pretty good. i would also recommend the dragon age fanfic ‘if you make me fight an actual dragon i swear im leaving’ by tozette

I tag: @ingoldamn @slightlyunnatural @oh-boromir @nephelolivia @lordofthefabulousness @goodoptionhighfive @itsthecomiclifestyle @sassy-on-my-assbutt-son @avengers-avenging-shit rules say to tag 20 but im not gonna do that, but if you want to do this consider yourself tagged.

[yumenosakiacademy]

metr0con 2019 sunday diary

cosplayed: tsukasa, breakfast: ramen, snack: one (1) root beer lollipop

for future me only. also, disclaimer: im writing this at 5 am while extremely tired afte waking up from being asleep at my desk. i forgot a lot of specifics in all that time since i left the con n most of his is mediocre.

so i arrived at 10 am for the ha!kyuu panel only yo go to the panel room and see that it had been canceled (the panel name was crossed out n “cancelled” was written next to the panel name) so i had woken up early for Nothing bc i also had no panel at 11 so i had 2 free hrs to kill. i also checked the room where the UT panel was supposed to b happening in bc i like UT n had nothing to do, but there was no one in the room so.. unfortunately, my stomach started hurting rly bad, so a good chunk of that time was spent w me sat on the floor near a wall thingy or walking slowly. unfortunately the dealers room hadnt been opened yet so i just sat around then when the dealers room opened i started to wander a bit more. i didnt take a lot of photos bc my energy and socialness was kinda drained due to the stomachache pain so like. rip. 

then there was the dd-lc panel! in it, some guy in the audience offered natsuki snack bars (n she took one, as well as gave one to yuri) after calling her “the starving one”, and ome guy said “natsuki, your dad’s a dick. can i adopt you” n went up to the panel table n sifned a piece of paper monika wrote on that was ‘adoption papers’ and he gave natsuki a hug n called her his daughter for the rest of the panel. some guy dared natsuki to rip a page out of her manga (she had 2 books of manga on the table) n she actually DID rip out a page, and not a useless one like the “you’re reading the wrong way” page, either. the audience was like “why!!” n she n monika were like “i’m/impulsive!!”. natsuki was frequently referred to w “baby” (as im “she’s baby”) throughtout the panel. everyone thought yuri was the most fashionable when asked on a truth. sayori was asked how it was “hanging” and what her favorite brand of rope was.

after that, i Wanted to go to the she r-a princess alliance, but when i kept glancing out at the riverwalk, there was no one there?? so i just went to the bn-ha improv n it was!! actually funny. there was a skit where iida, denki, n kirishima were at a coffee shop n present m!c was the barista n iida ordered black coffee but said it wasnt right or smth or he never rly got his order, denki asked for a mocha with seventeen shots of expresso (he then drank it n did the “wey wey” friend brain thing later b4 the skit ended and was also vibrating after drinking it), and kirishima listed off a ton of things for his drink n kept going on and on. another one was bakugou being shown to be a “mommys boy” in front of uraraka and shinsou (i think) and there was a mitsuki in the audience so she went up (and actually brought snacks for the panelists! like a true mom) and during the skit she showed them his baby photos and pushed him down n at some point idk how she was sitting on his back n using him as a chair. there was also a skit w bakugou as the person at a coffee shop that had NO drinks whatsoever, only a bagel. n iida was like “what’s the flavor?” n bakugou just kept going “..bagel.” n “bagel flavor. i dunno.” n iida asked how much it was n bakugou went “$400″. then while present m!c was going on abt wanting a drink n getting angy, the iida went into the audience n started asking a few random ppl while they walked down the aisle “is this a dunkin donuts?”

after that i just walked around bc i had 2 more hrs w Nothing to do and stumbled upon a casual FP group in the dealers room but before i could get  picture one of them recognized the character on my sign or just the series or smth i think but onething led to another n i started talking with them and i sat down w them but they were like “can you like, introduce us to ens-tars we hear a lot abt it” so i went on the wiki n showed them the characters n the gentaro rly liked rabits (shino n nito in particular) n rei, dice liked yuzuru n shinobu, n ramuda liked tori n rei. i showed them reis cgs, specifically the one w kaoru and his crossroads cg n i was like “the cgs that signlehandedly made the whole fandom h*rny for like. a week.” n the gentaro was like “you mind if i [takes a drink] Thirst.” n the gentaro was also interested in koga n i was like “he’s an edgy wolfk!n who likes punk music” and i talked abt what wataru is like n fice was like “he seems like hifumi” n im like “he rly is!! he’s hifumikin.” n for shu, ramuda was like “apparently hes an asshole” n i was like “yea definitely.” n when they asked me to describe leo i was like “oh uh. he’s Fuck. i dunno how to describe him! i dont rly like him that much tbh. he’s ecentirc n one of the oddballs n he composes on walls and literally their drama cd back in the day is knights looking for him n like, finding him behid a bush composing going ‘i got inspiration!!’” n i referred to midori as the suicidal one n i was like “you tink im joking but anytime anything happens he always goes ‘i wanna die’” and when i talked abt souma ramuda was like “is he friends with shinobu?” since i’d already described shinobu n i was like “well they kno each ogher but theyre not rly friends iirc.. they had an event together tho”. at one point the ramuda paused the music they were playing in the bg n decided toplay ens-tars music n they chose undead n started blasting Death Game Holic n i was like “...oh. that’s not undead” n ramuda was like “it says undead..?” n i was like “its Deadmanz! a former unit w koga, keito, n rei” n i started jamming out n the gentaro slightly joined me for a sec. anyway uh. god these tidbits of convo r all out of order im sry but idk what caused this part of the convo but the ramuda said they were ramudakin n the gentaro said they were lowkey gentarokin n i think they mentioned these bc dice said they cosplayed dice yet arent dicekin?? i cant rly remember. oh also when i showed the gentaro rei they were like “oh i kin him now. im not saying in kinning, but im Kinning” or smth like that n im gjhnsmk at one point i mentioned my friend kuma’s dice rat art edit n the gentaro wanted 2 see it but i couldnt show em bc it was too far back in my tumblr dms. we started talking abt MTC and how ramuda wishes they got like, more hardcore rock stuff like Death Game Holic (which was still playing) bc they seemed “gangsta n hardcore” then immediately mellowed out in their songs after that n i said that yokohama walker still like, slaps tho n it kinda calms me down n ramuda said papillion calms them down. the ramuda was shocked at tori’s high voice bc they knew his va as worick from gangsta n didnt think toris voice would b That High n were surprised when they heard tori’s solo. 

after that, i had a hard time trying to decide between the LL dance panel or the hs panel n just decided on the LL panel n i hav the dances on video so yay (the final song got cut off 3/4 of the way thru n im so :(( but oh well...) n they played Telephone/Rumors and “Who’s Most Likely”. between this panel and the next one, i talked to a kaito who was the aki hana’s hanayo the previous day n we just talked abt some stuff n at one point they pulled out an izanagi plush n they asked if i was into pers0na n i was like “yea! i even was gonna cosplay adachi but my gun didnt come in n i dont think i coulda done his wig” n they apparently had abt 300 hrs on pers0na 3 FES n we talked abt how stat grinding is such a repetitive, boring thing in pers0na 3.

the bn-ha panel! i... dont remember a whole lot abt this panel im sorry. but like, halway thru, they started playing games w he audience after q n a n i got bored bc they did things like red light green light n simon says so i just took selfies while most of the audience played along. during the qna i remember someone asked shigaraki if their fog plushie could b a league of villains member tho n he said ys n held the push when it was handed to him. someone gave bakugou a giant human-sized fan n todoroki went up against bakugou w his rainbow fan. 

[anothergirlrecovering]

Lynn 80

Lynn opened the door and invited me in. I walked in and said that it smelled good like her essential oils in there, and she she thanked me. She asked how im doing and I said good and asked how she was. She said she was also good and asked how my week has been. I said I don’t know its been good but at the same time I’ve been super anxious and she asked why. I said I don’t know but ive narrowed down my week into two things. I first started by saying how I was asked to be an iop therapist and how weird the interview was, and I think she just took it more so being a good pay opportunity. She said treatment centers have a lot of money and her friend is contracted to do one day a week and makes like 5 or 600 a day because she says she has athriving practice and by being at the center she is missing out on that pay. Lynn was like you need to make sure you are negotiating a good pay for this. I said okay and that I hadn’t really known what ot expect with that but that it seemed like a good opportunity to be able to say that ive worked in a treatment center and honestly I enjoy group therapy and would like to be able to do that once a week, just not a full time inpatient thing. She was like oh ok that’s good. I said the other thing was the mind fuck with my mom with how well she handled me coming to visit and lynn was basically like well it sounds like a good week and maybe your mom is changing because people change and I was like I mean maybe and she was like or youll get an earful of guilt when you go and then you can be like ok im tired im gonna go now and besides youre used to tht and its to be expected right? I was like yeah that’s true. She was like so overall it sounds like a really good week, idk why youre anxious and I was like idk I guess just feeling overwhelmed in general and my employee under me who sucks has been fucking up again and she was basically like well maybe its time to leave this job since this other job just fell into your lap and I was like idk because I wouldn’t have insurance or benefits and she was like oh that’s right but if its affecting you it might be worth it still and I was like idk everything is up in the air because what if we have a kid or something and she was ike yea. I said I just wished that I was better at manging my anxiety around conflict because I always panic and be overly nice and I said how my husband overheard me on the phone with him and how when I hung up he asked why I was so nice and said he would have ripped him a new one and handed his ass to him and how Juliana was like wait you said that o him? And said a better response that lets him know hes walking a fine line with being fired and I just wish I didn’t panic about it. Lynn basically said people who are conflict avoidant sometimes just cant be supervisors and I just sat there feeling like shit and was like ok. She was like idk but maybe you need to look at what your long term goals are and see when its going to be time to leave. I was like I mean the treatment center laid out options of eventually doing all three days and doing my private practice there with benefits but I don’t want o get ahead of myself. She was like oh ok. I said idk what my long term goals really are, just htat I always take on anything that makes me feel like it makes me look better because I hope it will make me feel better about myself. She was like oh ok and then awkwardly stared at me like she was waiting for me to add something to it. She was like so what do you want ot work on and I was like I guess what weve been working on.

She pointed to the tappers and was like well it looks like we were at a 1 and I was like with what and she was like ummm and flipped through her notes and apparently wasn’t sure what she was even talking about and was like well whats the sud when you think of the target belief and I was like I don’t matter unless im sick? And she was like or just I don’t matter and I was like idk I guess it’s a 6 or 7 because my heart starts to race and I feel anxious when I think about it. She was like ok well just go with that. I noticed that I was like well why don’t I matter, and then the rest of my emdr is a mix of it all because I cant remember everything and I went and got kava and talked to the lady for a while so im trying to remember it all now. I noticed that I nevre really bring up my issues with my dad but I know that we have them because we never talk and I feel livid when I do talk to him and idk why. She asked me to notice that and why and I was like I really don’t know but my parents always said I was just ahormonal teen and it was a me thing and idk if that’s true or something happened and I feel like theres something wrong with me because I still feel instantly so mad like if my dad picks up the house phone or my moms phone. She asked me to notice again why and I was like idk ive felt this way probably since I was like 12 and I was trying to thnk of what might have happened when I was 12 and I said I started my new school and hated it and she asked who made me go there and I said both my parents and she was like well maybe youre mad about that and I was like maybe and she said to go with that and I said well I know it made me mad that it felt like they never respected my boudnaries or space because I remember feeling so out of place at school and never remembered them asking about that but do remember them pushing me hardcore to call this group of girls at the school to hang out and I felt so anxious and they made me do it anyway but I knew I was an outsider and it dindt work out because they were busy. I said I felt like I never really had any control over when I did or said or who I was And I said I rememberd being forced to go to church when I dindt want to anymore and I would lie and say I was sick or my stomach hurt and try to do anything to get out of it but they didn’t let me.I said I wasn’t allowed to watch pg13 movies and went with whatever I was told like how I thought I preferred chocolate and how I thought I hated musical theate because they told me that but I actually dint hate it. I noticed how when  Lynn asked me if I could have compassion for that 12 yr old kid and I was like um idk and she was like think about it and I was like I mean when I think about my 12 yr old me faking jokes to get my friends fruit snacks because I was hungry yes, and I can appreciate that I was empathic like remembering my 7th grade teacher having had bulimia and feeling empathy for her, but I cant empathize with that kid who lived in the controlling house with my parents. I noticed that I cant empathize because I feel like they gave me everything an she was like um but, and I was like idk why it feels like that negates everything else and she was like I was about ot ask that and I was like because I remember him fighting with me and always being like I sacrificed everything for you and I gave up my dream and my friendships and my own hobbies so that I could be at your activities and I thought about how my two fellow coworkers who are moms will bitch about their kids sports schedules but at the nd of the day they always say how they do it because they love their kids and it makes them happy and I started to tear up and I said that it never felt like my dad really was there because he wanted to be there and he loved me, it felt more like it was keeping up appearances or because he felt like he should and I was some sort of obligation. I said how maybe I don’t usually feel as bothered by the dad issues because I do have some positive memories looking back with him, like where he took my brother and I to play stick ball or softball. Although now that I think about it, it makes more sense that the reason im not as bothered by my dad issues is because it evokes anger and I avoid anger at all costs. She asked me if I could have compassion for that kid and I was like honestly not really and she said basically that I can continue to feel guilty forever and I was like thanks lynn and she was like well its true or you could start having compassion for yourself. I was like I just wish that I dint feel like it was my fault and she was like well you start by having compassion for yourself, and I just kind of stared at her because it doesn’t really make sense to me and she was like just try it, just try. I said I would try.

She had me pay and scheduled for next time. She asked if id be in the city this weekend and I said yeah and asked what shows hse suggests I see. I was shocked because she totally blanked and was like see hello dolly and I was like um ok and she was like what else is on right now and I was like well if you cant remember, they must not have been that good and she was like no its not that lol. I was like ok and she was like well actually we just saw mean girls. She said her and her daughter didn’t love it but it was ok. She suggested Sweeney todd saying if I liked dark things it was a good one. She was like go see Hamilton and I said I was seeing it on tour for my birthday. I said that people keep suggesting once on this island but I don’t generally like islander type things, like I wasn’t a big fan of moana. She was like I loved moana I thought it was just so pretty. She said she did see once on this island and it was short and she thought it was ok but she loved the costumes and she said but shes a costume person. I was like and hey maybe on a brighter note, I felt sort of indifferent when my mom said she wanted to see a show with me and she was like well if shes paying for it take it and I was like shes making me pay her back lol but I don’t mind because its phantom, but last summer I had a total melt down over my mo not wanting to see dear evan Hansen with my on my birthday and this time around I guess I just dindt have any sort of care or expectation with it. She said it was definitely progress and I was like and I got tickets for deh again because I love it so much. She laughed and was like sounds like you have it all planned out and I was like well phantom Friday and she was like don’t forget I told you about rush tickets and I was like and ill rush Saturday come from away and see deh that night, but im trying to figure out what to do for Sunday. She was like ok well I still vote for hello dolly. Lol I was like ok, ill keep that in mind. I said goodbye and headed out.