#i wish i was smart that i could have graduated better and have had a better job but im stuck in this life

[space-payacho]

..

[gurugirl]

Sex Tutor

Summary: Harry's got a reputation on campus and you're curious to know if he can help you.

A/N: Requested! Thank y'all for being patient with me! Hope you enjoy! This will be 2 parts!!

Word Count: 10k

Warning: smut (oral sex), fluff, praise kink

. . .

“Yeah… that was good. I liked it.”

That wasn’t the reaction you were hoping to get. You thought Gunther would be a lot more enthusiastic after coming in your mouth and you swallowing him down. You gave it your best work. You even choked a couple of times and you did hear him moan once or twice. But that didn’t feel like enough

You wanted to ask him exactly what went wrong. Tips on what he liked and didn’t. What you could do better next time… But instead, he just smiled and kissed your cheek, avoiding your mouth because obviously kissing the lips that had just sucked his cock would be gross.

So you left his dorm feeling a little disappointed in yourself. Annoyed really. You wished you were more bold and could just ask him what he wanted, what he liked most. You complained to your roommate even. She loved giving advice so you were always venting to her.

“Well, you know there’s like this guy on campus who will walk you through that kind of thing… a sex tutor if you will. Let’s just say that he comes highly recommended. I know someone who hung out with him a few times, and she learned so much about her body and how good sex could feel without coming but he always made her come every time, and no man has ever done that to her before she told me.”

“A tutor for blow jobs?” You scrunched your face and giggled.

“Well, blow jobs and everything else really. I don’t know. He gets around and they say he’s very knowledgeable about the body and sex. I think he’s like getting his masters in sexual health or something?”

You shoved at her shoulder and laughed, “Oh my god I don’t think so. That sounds crazy. He’s probably some weird pervert or something.”

Your roommate turned her cellphone screen to face you, showing you an Instagram page with a photo of a very attractive young man you’d seen on campus a time or two.

“That’s him?” Your eyes widened as you looked from the photo to your roommate.

“Yup. He’s not a weirdo either. I hear he’s super respectful and smart. Plus the bonus is that he looks like this.”

You nodded. That certainly was a bonus. Harry Styles. You knew about him from the student council. He did a lot of volunteering on campus and he was a graduate student so you didn’t know him all that well, being only a sophomore yourself, but it was hard not to at least know the name and the face. He was popular. Clearly far more popular than you even realized.

And you definitely weren’t going to reach out for a “session”. That just felt silly. Though, you couldn’t say you weren’t intrigued by the idea, it just wasn’t for you. Except that when Gunther didn’t text or call you back for three full days, the whole time you wondered if your blow job was that bad. So when he did finally text you back to make plans for the following week, you felt like you were being given another chance to prove how good you could be. And maybe a lesson or two could be useful.

Reaching out to him via DMs on Instagram felt so unserious but you still did it. You cringed as you hit send and read over your message three times.

Hi! I heard you give special “tutoring” sessions and wanted to know if you have some time to meet with me to set something up? Let me know if it’s okay.

You couldn’t believe you were doing this, reaching out to a stranger for, basically, a booty call. But apparently he was used to it and had no qualms about responding to you in less than thirty minutes. As if he was running some kind of business.

Hi! Happy to meet up with you either tonight or Friday night. The initial meeting should only take like 20 minutes, somewhere public so you feel comfortable. I’ll ask you a few questions and then we’ll set up a private one-on-one session together if it makes sense for both of us. No pressure ever. Whenever you’re ready.

Private one-on-one session. You rolled your eyes as you read over Harry’s response.

Tonight is good for me if you can fit me in. Whatever time you want.

You didn’t know what to expect. You imagined he was cocky since he was apparently so good and sought after. Perhaps he would take one look at you and turn around. You were sure he had a say in who he “tutored”. Doubted he took on every single person who reached out to him.

Your roommate said he was respectful but you would place money on the fact that he was probably full of himself, being that he was a self-proclaimed Sex Guru. You were preparing yourself for someone with a larger-than-life personality.

You kept your outfit casual, not wanting to look like you were trying too hard. Jeans and a hoodie. Though you did shower and put on nice panties and made sure you smelled good. Just in case. One never knows when they are due to visit with a sex tutor.

Maud’s was one of your favorite spots on campus. They had the best iced matcha latte and that’s just what you ordered yourself when you arrived. You sat down at a small table and faced toward the door so you could keep an eye out.

You were looking down at your cell phone when you heard the chime of the door. Flitting your eyes up and away from the screen of your phone you scanned the entry and spotted him right away.

He was wearing a black pullover hoodie and jeans. His hair all tousled like he’d just finished a “tutoring” session. You raised your hand to wave at him and catch his attention and he grinned as you stood up but he gestured for you to stay seated, “I’ll be right back. Just gonna order a drink.”

You were already feeling hot and embarrassed. God, what were you doing? The man was sex on legs and that deep, raspy voice he just spoke to you with had your insides twisting and turning all mushy.

When he returned he had an iced tea and he sat across from you. The smile on his face was kind. Open. It set you at ease a bit.

He took a sip through his straw and you noted the rings on his fingers and the nail polish on his nails, “So, Y/n. It’s nice to meet you in person. What are you majoring in?”

Okay. Small talk. You could handle that.

You told him your classes and what you were majoring in and then asked him the same and when he explained he was going for his doctorate in psychology with the intent to become a sex therapist you felt your heart thump wildly. He was gorgeous and going for a doctorate. The man was so beyond out of your league that you wondered why he was even sitting at that table with you entertaining this silly request of yours.

“Wow. That’s… I’m impressed.”

He grinned and you saw a dimple carve into his cheek, “Thank you. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am. Still working, though. So let’s talk about what you want. What things are you interested in getting some guidance on?”

Here it was. The moment you’d been dreading. But also what you were most curious about.

“Well, I’m seeing this guy and,” you took a breath. It was embarrassing to say it so casually at a café on campus of all places.

Harry reached toward you and placed his warm palm over the top of yours, “Hey, I know this feels weird. Doing this. I’m not going to pressure you to say it if you find it’s too uncomfortable but just know,” he dipped his head down to meet your gaze with his brows gently raised, “Everything you tell me here will be kept confidential and private. I’m not going to make fun of you or compare you to anyone else. If you change your mind, that’s okay too. I want you to feel like you’re talking to a friend. Okay? It’s up to you how much or how little you say. We move at your pace.”

You let out the breath you were holding and smiled. He was so – nice. He made you feel so at ease.

“Thank you. It’s weird. Yeah… but I think I’m okay. I want to do this. I want to be better at like,” you looked around yourself and lowered your voice as Harry moved his hand from yours and you settled your gaze back on his, “Better at giving blow jobs. And maybe like initiating more?”

He nodded, “Okay. Have you ever given a blow job before?”

You nodded, “Recently. The guy didn’t seem very enthusiastic about it so I didn’t know if I did something wrong.”

He took a sip of his tea and his green irises bored into yours, “I can tell you one thing I know that is true for nearly every single male I know; they love getting head. Even if he wasn’t vocal he probably really enjoyed whatever you did. Does that make you feel better about your skill level?”

You puffed out a laugh and saw the smirk on his face. He was trying to get you to smile, “I don’t know. Probably. I’m sure I’m overthinking it but I just wanted… like I want to be really good. Want to know tricks to get a real response.”

“Did the guy you’re seeing orgasm?”

You nodded again.

Harry’s grin softened, “Then you did as good as you could have. Goal achieved. He orgasmed and you made that happen.”

“But I want to be better. Like… I really enjoyed what I was doing. Made me really… well…” you looked down at your empty mug and sighed, “I felt like I enjoyed it more than he did.”

He nodded and licked his lips and if you didn’t know any better you’d say he was kind of checking you out. You weren’t wearing anything revealing but he seemed to keep dropping his gaze to your lips and neck. But you figured that was because he was still getting used to your face and he was sussing you out a bit to see if he wanted anything to do with you beyond this conversation.

But that was true. He was checking you out. He saw your Instagram pictures before he contacted you (always his first step) and thought you were cute and wouldn’t mind seeing you in person. He certainly wasn't disappointed by you when he saw you either. You were cute and a little nervous and when you started talking about how you enjoyed giving that loser a blow job he couldn’t help but shift his eyes down to your mouth and imagine what your lips would look like on his cock. He wondered if you’d be just as eager to suck him off as you seemed like you were for the other guy.

Now, Harry was a polite and nice man. He was as respectful as they came. But he was still a man with a very high sex drive and he couldn’t help it. He did enjoy having sex and he got a lot of ass because he was good at what he did. And he was under no allusion that it also didn’t have anything to do with how attractive he was. Because of course, it did. He was aware of the way women looked at him and all the whispers about him on campus. And most of the time the sessions were just fun sex more than anything else. However, he happily gave guidance when needed.

And this time he was feeling pretty gung-ho to see what you could do. He’d like to get started right away, which normally he’d wait until after the initial meeting before jumping into it but there was something about the way you were looking at him, your eyes hungry and inviting…

You watched Harry shift in his chair and look around the café before he looked back at you, “What are you doing right now? Like after this?”

“Oh… nothing. Was gonna read a little, prep for a test I have on Monday. But…” you shook your head.

“Would you be interested in going somewhere more private? My studio is at the off-campus university apartments. Twenty-minute walk from here.”

Was he…? You scrunched your brows, confused at the sudden invite to his place.

“It’s up to you. I’m not rushing you or anything I just have a free evening and you seem really enthusiastic and I’d like to kind of get a feel for what we’re working with. If you think you’re ready.”

You nodded, “Okay. I mean… yeah. So no roommates?” You laughed nervously as he stood up and it was the first time you let your attention fall to the space at his crotch, to which you quickly bobbed your eyes back up to his face as you stood.

“Nope. Co-ed apartments. No roommate. Super private.” He didn’t miss the way you scraped your eyes over his torso and down to the spot on his jeans where his zipper was.

So that was that then. You’d be getting a lesson sooner than you imagined. And when you walked the twenty minutes through campus and the street that was just adjacent to the cafeteria you could almost hear your heart pounding. He was taller than you expected. He easily kept the conversation alive with small talk. He seemed so confident and easygoing. You tried to let that charisma and charm soak through your veins so that you weren’t as nervous as you felt, but it was impossible. You were about to go into Harry Style’s apartment alone and probably give him a blow job.

Harry waved at a few people on your way up to his floor. He was clearly popular. You wondered if anyone knew what might be happening. Why you were with him and why you were following behind him like you were a pup being trained and he was carrying a treat.

“Here she is,” he opened his door and gestured for you to walk inside. Neat and tidy with stacks of books and lots of plants. Some plants hanging, most potted, and on the floor or on tables. You noted he had no television and that there was a big partition that separated the small living space from what was probably where he had his bed. The kitchen was organized with open shelving and he’d bought a wire rack and it was stacked full of packaged foods, spices, oil, and other things to cook with at the top and at the bottom with pots and pans and a blender with its cord neatly wrapped around the base.

He excused himself to the bathroom while you looked around. There wasn’t anywhere to go really. There were two doors in the whole place. The bathroom door and another one, which you assumed was a closet. The kitchen area was open to the small living space.

When Harry emerged he sat down on the couch, which looked well-worn. You wondered how many people he’d had over and on that very couch. He sat with his legs spread and drew his arms over the back of the couch and just watched as you stepped in closer toward the small coffee table, “I like all the plants,” you commented.

He nodded and you clasped your hands behind your back in wait for what would happen next. You didn’t want to look again at his crotch. But the way he was sitting made it hard. He took up so much space on that couch and with his legs spread open like they were, it was almost as if he wanted you to.

“Gonna sit with me? I’m not gonna do anything if you don’t want.”

You nodded and sat down, keeping your limbs close to your body and separate from him. You didn’t want to invade his space or get in too close. Not yet anyway. Not until he invited you. Or rather, until he told you what to do next.

“Everything I said at Maud’s still stands. If you change your mind that’s fine. I’m not going to be mad.”

You turned to look at him and swallowed. The guy was out of this world. Simply delicious looking. “Okay.” You spoke in barely above a whisper.

Harry leaned forward, putting his elbows over his knees as he kept his eyes on you, “Is this how you usually initiate?”

You raised your brows and shook your head, “What?”

“You said you wanted to be better at initiating. So far, I’m not getting any signals that you’re interested. Could be your first problem. Try relaxing a little, Y/n. Sit back and unhook your fingers. Loosen your shoulders. Not only will you feel more settled, but you’ll make the person with you feel better too. Which could push you to naturally begin conversation or movements that encourage contact.”

“Oh. Okay,” you sat back into his couch and loosed your hands, relaxing your posture, and looked at him, “Like this?”

Harry grinned and let out a small laugh, “Perfect. Now at least it appears you’re not scared of me.”

“I’m not scared,” you quickly shook your head.

“I didn’t think you were. But your body language was giving closed-off signals. Which could appear to some like fear or discomfort.”

It made sense you guessed.

“I see. So, relax and it makes everyone feel better.”

He grinned, “So tell me what normally happens when you’re with someone and it leads to something sexual. Set the scene for me.”

You cleared your throat and decided to use your last time with Gunther as the example.

“Well, we were in his dorm room listening to music and laughing about something–“

“Back up a little. Did you invite yourself to his room? Did he invite you? What happened before you got to his room?”

“Oh, uh…” you pursed your lips in thought. “Well, we were out with two mutual friends. At a bar. Gunther, his name is Gunther, he was kind of flirting with me and I liked it. We didn’t really know each other all that well before but I always found him interesting. And so… he was flirting with me. Complimenting me. Things like that. Then he asked me to go back to his room with him. So, I sort of figured something would happen,” you shrugged. You didn’t know why it was so weird telling him all those details but it was.

You recounted how Gunther had made all the moves; kissed you first, groped you and then somehow it ended up with you sucking him off while he laid back on his bed and you were between his legs.

“And… he didn’t return the favor? Like you didn’t get anything?”

You shook your head, “I mean, I didn’t ask. He got off and then that was it really. I left not long after.”

Harry frowned, “Okay. And did you hope he’d do something in return? Like, use his hands or his mouth on you? Did you want more?”

Another shrug of your shoulders, “I mean… I didn’t expect it. Thought maybe next time we could do more? I don’t know.”

“You didn’t expect it. But would you have liked it?”

Nodding your head you looked away from his eyes, “I guess.”

“Did it turn you on?”

Another embarrassing thing to admit to someone you hardly knew. You nodded again, “It just all happened really quickly. I kind of thought things would take longer and we’d chat and maybe he’d have me stay longer and then… well anyway. It was like a total of thirty minutes or something that I was in his room.”

Harry sighed and crossed his leg over his thigh toward you, “And you really want to give Gunther the best head you can? The guy who wasn’t worried about your own needs? Seems very selfless of you, Y/n.”

You let out a breath and laughed, “I know. I just want to be good at it. And that was the first time we did anything so I figured I’d give him a pass.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you. Gunther is lucky you’re still willing to give him another shot.”

“I guess I thought if I was better he’d want to do it more and maybe then we could do other things too.”

“I’m going to be honest, Y/n,” Harry stretched his arm across the back of the couch, “You’re very cute and you probably won’t need to worry much about initiating most of the time. Like, for me, all you have to do is look at me with those pretty eyes and I’m ready to do whatever you want me to.”

It had been a surprise to hear that. You weren’t sure what to do with that information but you couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you looked down at your lap.

“But a good start is to keep eye contact. At least enough to indicate interest. Can you look at me?”

Lifting your gaze to his he grinned, “There we go. So pretty.”

You shook your head, “I’m sure you say that to everyone.”

Harry lifted his hand to your cheekbone, “No. I don’t. And I don’t do this with just anyone either. Sometimes I turn down a request. I don’t tell them why but… There’s gotta be attraction on my end as well. And I find you very attractive, Y/n.”

You swallowed down the saliva in your throat and blinked for a break in eye contact before biting your lip.

“Now, even though we’re here for one thing, I do have opinions on matters of the heart and relationships. And frankly, I have to be honest about this Gunther, guy,” he dropped his hand, making his fingers brush down your cheek until he was no longer touching you, “I don’t like that he didn’t offer to get you off too. That’s a big red flag in my book. I feel it’s important to give and to receive unless it’s explicitly stated at the beginning. But you told me you thought you’d get more. And that bothers me.”

“Well, he’s a nice guy. I think he just wasn’t thinking…”

“He wasn’t thinking about your needs. That was selfish of him and something to watch out for. We can give him a pass for the first time, but if you see him again and he still doesn’t think about your needs, I’d hope you’d end that relationship and seek someone who’s willing to be less selfish with you.”

It surprised you that Harry was saying that about Gunther. But perhaps he was right. You did leave his dorm that night quite disappointed.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I know you barely know me but that’s just my take. I’d never not offer to return the favor,” he kept his eyes on yours and you swore his lips were suddenly a shade darker. They looked like the perfect lips to kiss.

He grinned when he noted where your eyes were homed in on, “Do you mind coming closer? Feels like you're still too far away.”

You puffed out a nervous laugh as you scooted your bottom in closer toward Harry. His arm was draped over the back of the couch behind you and you felt the warmth of him before you felt his fingers graze the back of your neck.

 “So, I can kiss you? Can we start there?”

You breathed out through your nose and smiled as you nodded and kept your face angled toward his. He watched as you hesitantly put your palm on his knee and he put his hand over yours, “You’re a natural. See?”

Another soft laugh fell from your mouth as Harry’s face drew in closer to yours and your heart stopped as he nudged his nose into yours and you felt his soft lips smush against yours.

It didn’t take long for you to start feeling that familiar heat between your legs as he ran his tongue against yours. It felt so intimate… not like a tutor lesson or anything of the sort. It was you and a handsome man making out on his couch as he pulled you onto his lap. It felt real.

For some reason, you imagined it being a little more dry. Like a real lesson. Like he’d pull his pants down and tell you what to do and show you what he liked and what really made men go wild. You hadn’t imagined kissing being part of the equation for some reason.

“Did he tell you how soft your lips are or how those sweet little noises coming from your mouth drove him crazy?”

He spoke his words between kisses and you were going to pass out. Because no, Gunther gave you no compliments once you got into his dorm room.

You shook your head as you parted from the kiss, your eyes on his.

Harry’s eyes roved your face as he softly dragged his thumb back and forth on your jaw, “I don’t like him one bit. You deserve someone who’s going to tell you how good you are and how good you make them feel.”

He softly pressed his lips against yours again, the kiss heating up into a frenzied pace once again as you stuffed your fingers into his hair and then you felt the bulk of his erection under your thigh when you moved in closer.

Parting from the kiss you looked down and then back up at him and he just smiled. Like it was the most normal and natural thing ever. Which… it kind of was.

“Got me all hard already,” he slid his thumb from the edge of your bottom lip inward and you moaned, “Just like that. You’re already better than you think you are. You’re driving me crazy, Y/n. I want to see what these lips look like wrapped around my cock. Can we do that?”

You nodded and began to move off of him but Harry took your hand in his, making you pause, “I’ll let you get me off if you let me get you off too. Okay?”

Your eyes widened, “Really? I thought this was just for–“

“I have a method and it always includes getting the other person off too. Or at least making them feel good. Unless you don’t want that. That’s okay too, but I would prefer to touch you as well.”

“Okay,” your words were breathy as he helped you off his lap, keeping your hand in his but then he stood up and you watched as he ran his free hand over his crotch, “Is it okay if we do it my bed? A little more space there. Think it’ll feel less rushed.”

Obviously yes. You wouldn’t dream of saying no to this man. Not that you wanted to.

The space behind the partition was just a bed and one side table. His bed was neatly made and there was a plant hanging by the opening of the partition. He gestured for you to follow him onto his mattress and he placed his back at the wall, where he had no headboard.

Kneeing up to him you were feeling shy again and he leaned forward and cupped your face with one hand, “You’re doing so good. If you need to stop at any time just say the word. I’m not here to make you do something you don’t want. Okay?”

You nodded, “Yeah. I know. I trust you.”

“Good. Just wanted to remind you is all. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep going even if I’m enjoying it, which I have a feeling I’m gonna like whatever you do to me.”

You giggled and nodded. He was fluffing up your ego and you hadn’t even really gotten started yet.

Harry started to push his jeans down, lifted his hips to get them off his legs, and then kept his eyes on you as he held his hand out for you to take, “Come here.”

You put your hand in his and let yourself get pulled between his legs as you looked down at the sizable lump under his boxer briefs, “Can we take your jeans off? Kind of want to have you in my lap a little while before we get down to it, yeah?”

You nodded and unhooked your button before pulling your zipper down. Harry’s hands found your hips as you tugged your jeans down and he helped you out of them, leaving you in just your hoodie and panties. Like Harry. He was just in his boxer briefs and his hoodie too.

You crawled into his lap, your thighs straddling his, and sat down as Harry smoothed his hands up and down your thighs, “There we go. This feels nice, having you close like this,” he ran his palms toward your bottom and then back down your thighs to your knees, “How are you feeling?”

You put your palms on his shoulders, “Good. Feel good. And you?”

“I’m feeling great. I’ve got you here in my lap,” he brought a hand up from your thigh to your face, his fingers sliding behind your ear with his thumb at your cheekbone, “And I like you. I think this’ll be fun. Just want you to feel at ease with me.”

You shifted on his lap, getting in closer, “I do feel at ease with you, Harry. You’re really nice.”

“Good. That’s what I want to hear,” his voice was soft as he gently pulled you towards him and pressed his mouth against yours again. His kiss was soft and sultry. Harry was far more sensual than you imagined he would be. Lots of soft touches and reassuring words. And his mouth against yours was addictive.

You moaned when his thumb ran along the edge of your panties at your thigh and you rocked your hips down, pressing your panties-covered pussy over his erection.

He inhaled softly through his teeth and lowered his mouth to your neck where you were melted into him. His warm mouth sponged wet kisses down your pulse point as you lowered a hand to the top of his cock.

He sighed when you began to rub your palm over him and you began to move back. You were ready to get him in your mouth.

“You can bring me out if you want. Or I can do it. Whichever you’re more comfortable with.”

You bit your lip and continued palming over him as you kept your gaze focused on his, “I’ll do it. Do guys like that more?”

He grinned and the dimples that carved into his cheeks had you swooning, “Yeah. Maybe. Depends on the guy but it can feel like the girl is really excited, like she can’t wait – the enthusiasm is nice. For me? I do like it more. But honestly, I wouldn’t complain if you wanted me to do it myself.”

You nodded in understanding as you focused on the dark green material of his underwear and reached toward the waistband. You looked up at him once more to check in and he just gave you a singular nod to keep going so you did.

The material was warm and stretchy. And you loved the way it felt to run your palm up the length of him, before peeling the fabric away and slowly revealing his cock. His tip was thick and smooth and dark pink. And then his shaft was girthy, quite meaty really, but so stiff. And when you’d pulled his underwear down far enough you took the whole of him in and it was… well it was a bit overwhelming. There was no way on God’s green earth you’d be able to stick that whole thing in your mouth.

“You don’t have to have it all in there. This isn’t a porno. I don’t need you to choke on it or anything like that. Use your hands and your mouth, as long as it’s nice and wet it’s gonna feel really good.”

You nodded. It was a relief that he wasn’t expecting you to deepthroat that thing, “Do you like it when someone can take it all the way?”

Harry breathed a laugh out of his nostrils, “Well… only if the person giving head likes that kind of thing. I would never enjoy it if someone wasn’t into that. But yes. I do rather like it. Not more than any other type of blow job, though.”

You gulped and continued palmed at his length softly. Harry kept his eyes on you to watch how you’d do it. To see what your go-to move was and when you made no move he finally spoke, “Go in however you want. Let’s see how you normally go about giving a blow job.”

“Okay. Yeah…” You took a deep breath and lowered yourself down as he fixed his feet flat on the mattress with knees bent upward, making space for you to fit between his thighs. First, you spat over his tip and used your hand to rub your saliva down his shaft. A quick glance up at him and he looked like he was enjoying it.

After spitting another glob over his slit that clung to your lips a little longer than it did the first time things were feeling much wetter. You stroked along the full length of his cock, from base to tip, tip to base, and back again as you lowered further, getting your lips just over his tip, and looked up at him, swiping your tongue over his crown. Smooth and warm. Adjusting your hips you got into a better position and gripped his base with both hands as you began to take him in your mouth. Your tongue cupped the underside of his cock as you dipped down and pulled up, suckling at his tip before repeating.

Harry’s fingers gently pushed at your chin, “I’d like you to do one thing for me, Y/n…” your eyes shot up to his, “Can you keep your eyes on me, just like you’re doing right now?”

You pulled off and nodded, “Yeah. Sorry.”

Harry tutted at you, “You didn’t do anything wrong. Just really fond of your pretty eyes. Personal preference is all.”

Keeping your gaze on his you kissed his tip softly and slowly before tonguing at his frenulum. It was a good thing you were looking at him in that moment because the expression on his face as you ran your tongue along the underside of his cockhead was lascivious and the sudden heat between you two might not have been noticed if you hadn’t been looking at him.

When you lowered your lips over him again, hollowing your cheeks and cupping the underside of his dick with your tongue, he palmed over your cheek and softly thumbed at your temple, “Y/n… fuck… that’s really good. Keep looking at me like this pretty girl.”

The soft touch from his hand and thumb on your face was full of affection and made your heart thunder in your chest. It made you dizzy the way he was looking at you. It was such a lewd act but somehow filled with tenderness.

The drool that leaked out of your mouth and down his shaft allowed your hands to slip around his base, twisting as you bobbed over the first bit of him with your mouth. It seemed like he was really enjoying what you were doing. Having your eyes on him while you were doing it felt more encouraging than embarrassing.

And Harry was very much enjoying what you were doing. He wasn’t all that picky when it came to getting blow jobs. Why would he be? Some hot girl wanted him to show her how to be better? Well, he rarely did much in the way of making someone any better than they already were.

Harry never intended to be known as a sex tutor or a sex guru. He was just a guy who loved sex. A guy who was patient and who really did care about the person he was with, even if it was just a one-time thing (which most of them were). And his line of studies gave him insight many lacked. The more he slept around (safely) the better he got and the more he understood. He put into practice the things he learned in his classes and when he was a Junior after a string of hookups with a group of very popular seniors he started to get a reputation.

It started with comments and discussions on the size of his cock. Then it eventually escalated to him being very good in bed. And how he could always make a woman come (he didn’t always make them come but he certainly tried and he learned the art of allowing sex to just be something that felt good and intimate and didn’t have to end in that elusive orgasm every time).

The first girl who was bold enough to ask him if he’d help her get to know her body better, had told him how she heard he was the best… and that had caught off guard. But he gave it a go. And he wound up enjoying the whole thing so much that when another girl asked him for help he decided there was no harm in going along with it.

He wasn’t trying to take advantage of anyone, as some jealous of his prowess would make it seem. No, he just really wanted to help, he loved that connection and to have it end with sex (in whatever form) was never a bad thing. Mostly he was just having fun and if he could use some of his knowledge and give someone confidence by the end of a “session” then so be it.

When you sucked around him, slurping noises came from between your lips and the skin on his shaft and he moaned, “Oh that’s good…” He gently placed a hand at the back of your neck and nudged his hips upward the slightest when he felt his cock start to throb and balls tightened.

Harry pulled at you to bring you up so you slid your lips from his tip and looked at him with pretty rounded eyes as you sat on your knees.

“You’re perfect. If I had you sucking me off like this every day I’d have no complaints. That’s the work of someone who’s into it and I can tell you are. Got me so close to coming already,” he took your hand and kissed the tops of your knuckles. Yeah, you were already smitten with him. But maybe that was just because you liked his praise so much.

“Thank you,” you grinned shyly.

Harry took the hand he kissed and brought it down between his legs, sliding your fingers on the underside of his balls, “There’s this spot right here. Kind of smooth. Feel that?”

You nodded.

“It’s called the perineum. This spot,” he pressed the pad of your middle finger over the area of skin, “Feels really good when you rub it gently. Especially while you’re also giving a blow job. Maybe take my balls in your palm a little to massage them and then move to the perineum. Just about any man you suck off is gonna absolutely love it. It’s also a really good trick when you just want the guy to come already, ‘cause maybe he’s taking too long,” he grinned.

He dragged your hand up to cup his scrotum and you kept your eyes on his as you softly squeezed. Harry’s brows narrowed and his lips parted, “Let’s do that yeah? Wanna give it a go?”

Nodding, you lowered yourself again, your lips parting around his crown as you gently massaged his balls and kept your eyes angled up toward his. You kept one hand at the base of his shaft and felt the full, warmth of his sac in your palm before you pulled off of his cock and dropped your lips down to his balls, kissing the skin all around and skimming your tongue through every crevice and wrinkle, wetting him on all sides.

You remembered you were supposed to be looking up at him and when you saw his face it only egged you on. His soft groan and pink puffy lips parted in lust with hooded eyes so you wound your tongue down further and pressed the tip of your wet muscle to the spot he called the perineum.

“Fuck! Yes…”

You liked that reaction. So you did it again and used your hand on his shaft to continue pumping him in long strokes as you pressed over the small strip of skin under his scrotum before you brought your tongue all the way up over his balls and to his base. The pre-come dripping from his tip made things wetter as you slid your palm over him.

You kept one finger on his perineum and then brought your mouth back over his cock and the desperate whimper that fell from his lungs made you feel giddy. You sucked him in and flicked your sight up to him but his eyes were closed. You could feel his legs trembling as your shoulder was pressed into his inner thigh. Gently you brought your hand over his scrotum and massaged as you worked his tip with your lips and tongue.

He placed both of his hands on either side of your head, “Y/n… yes… honey I’m gonna come. That’s so good. You’re so good for me… holy shit… where do you want me to come, huh?”

You were kind of amazed at how he was so melty and whimpery from the blow job you were giving him. You lifted and looked up at him, “Just come in my mouth. Want you to feel good.”

He nodded as he panted and you put your lips back on him, lowering down and sucking as you used your tongue to apply pressure to his crown. Continuing to play with his balls and peek up at him you saw the moment his face scrunched up and his lips dropped open wide. No sound came out at first but you tasted the first pump of his come down your throat and then felt his big cock throbbing against your tongue and it was the hottest blow job you’d ever given. And you weren’t even receiving… the reaction he gave you had you so turned on and so dizzy that you felt the need to take him deeper.

You forced yourself down further, feeling his tip nudging and spurting at the top part of your throat and you swallowed around him before sputtering slightly.

When he finally began to moan it was deep and throaty. His head was tilted back, facing the ceiling as he pumped into your mouth and down your throat. The hands he held at the side of your face were gentle and honestly? You were in heaven. You could do this with him every day if he let you.

And you tried not comparing Gunther to Harry but it was hard. Harry was so masculine and his cock was prettier and much bigger. With Gunther, you could almost take all of him in your mouth without much issue. You didn’t but you probably could have. Harry was a different story. His big cock filled up all the space in your mouth and he smelled so good too. It was a mix of what you assumed was his natural smell with a clean powdery soap.

But it was the moans Harry was making that had you feeling so worked up. He really enjoyed your blow job and that was all you needed to feel good about yourself and your ability.

Harry’s moan quieted into a simper as you continued dragging your tongue along the underside of his cock until he lulled his head forward and looked down at you, “S’good. Fuck that was good.” He prodded at you to bring your mouth off of him and you sat back with a proud smile.

He leaned forward to pull at the back of your neck and smash his lips against yours. You clung onto his shoulders as he positioned you next to him on the bed on your bottom and then he ran his hands down your sides and pulled at your sweater, “Can we get this off?”

You gripped the bottom hem of your hoodie as Harry sat back and peeled his sweater off over his head, making you pause so you could devour his chest and his arms, and his abs with your eyes. The tattoos that were scattered over his body and on his arms were no surprise. You’d heard through the grapevine about his tattoos once your roommate told you about him. And you heard he was fit. But this? He was the perfect amount of muscled and beefy. He was lean but he appeared well-fed. Broad shoulders, pecs you could bite into…

You gulped when you felt Harry’s big hands smoothing up and down your limbs as he absorbed the sight of you before you finally pulled your sweater off and then unhooked your bra, holding the cups up against your breasts for a moment to make sure he was still in it. Because maybe your body would be a complete turn off but his expressive face did all the talking and he moved his hands up your hips as his irises roamed over your skin.

“So pretty, Y/n,” he spoke like he knew you needed the reassurance. Which you did. So you slowly lowered your bra and pulled the straps from your arms and almost immediately Harry ducked down and kissed your right nipple while his hand palmed at your left tit. He moaned against your soft flesh and you felt cool air hit your skin in the path where his tongue laved against you.

A soft gasp fell from your lips when he wrapped his mouth over your nipple and looked up at you from his spot, pink lips suckling at your breast. It was almost as if he needed to make sure he was doing what you liked. As if the man wasn’t some kind of expert.

Harry’s bulky body moved over you and his hands brushed over the skin at your sides and down to your hips where your panties clung tight. You lifted your hips, ready for him to take care of you, ready to have him pull the last bit of fabric from your body and Harry grinned at you.

“I’m gonna pull these down, okay?”

Nodding you laughed in slight nervousness. You weren’t sure when you’d gotten so eager but giving Harry a blow job had made you a bit insatiable and all of the nice things he said about you, how good you were... Your insides were aching and you knew you were probably already wet, the crotch of your panties was warm against your skin.

And as he slowly dragged the material down your legs he kept looking up at you. A little bit of reassurance that he was only going to go as far as you wanted.

Paying close attention to his eyes you watched him drag his gaze over all your crevices and then up to your tits and then your eyes as he licked his lips. He wrapped a hand on the underside of your calf, lifting your leg the smallest bit as he tucked himself in closer, his shoulders pressing into your thighs.

The warm, soft kisses he dotted on your inner thigh as he looked up at you made you feel worshiped. Like he was savoring the moment and was going to take his time with you.

“Y/n, I just want to make you feel good. Tell me if you don’t like something or if you need something more okay? Because you did so good for me and I’m gonna be dreaming about those lips on me. Just want to make you feel as good as good as you made me feel.”

Harry could tell you liked a bit of praise. A compliment here and there was easy enough to throw in because it was all true. You were very good and you were so pretty and now he was going to return the favor as best he could.

When you felt his tongue swipe up through your crease you moaned faintly as you kept your eyes on him. And when he dug in more, attached his lips to your pussy, and began sucking at you the groan that fell from his chest rumbled through your core and you held on to the back of his head as you arched your back off of the pillow under yourself. His lips slicked up and down, tongue pressing at your clit and then he moved, bringing his arm in and you felt his fingers prodding at your entrance as he looked up at you, pulling his mouth away from your pussy, “Tastes so good, Y/n. Could bury my face here all day long. You mind if I finger you a little? Would that feel good?”

He ran his digits through your folds like he already knew your answer and you nodded quickly, “Yeah. Okay. If you want.”

He grinned before you felt him push his middle finger past your opening and then he watched the face you made as he curled his finger up in your magic little spot. The one only your rabbit vibrator seemed to be able to hit.

You gasped and with that, he brought his lips back over your clit and got to work. His dark curls were smooth and thick between your fingers and the way he kept pulling his gaze up to yours as he licked into you was naughty. The whole scene was something from a dream. There was something so soft about how he kept his eyes on you to check-in.

You’d had a couple of guys go down on you before but they had no idea what they were doing and you weren’t sure if it was just supposed to feel like slippery nothing gliding over your labia or not. But now, with Harry doing the work… well you realized what it was actually meant to feel like. And Harry was not giving you slippery nothing.

He seemed to enjoy it as well which made your heart lurch in your chest. Especially with how he was moaning into you like you tasted good. And he had told you as much, which… that had you on edge already.

When Harry slid in a second finger he opened his mouth wide and tongued up from where his fingers were pumping into you to your clit.

You couldn’t help the pathetic moans that were loudly bouncing off the walls of his studio, “Oh god, Harry…”

But the thing that was really seeping into your skin and your veins and making your heart pound was his eyes on yours. You couldn’t get over it. It was so intimate and sexy and the gushy noises coming from your slippery pussy were lewd and dirty. It was the perfect juxtaposition of just nasty enough but also sweet and soft that had you spiraling.

When they tell you that the biggest part of getting turned on is all in the mind, that’s absolutely true. Harry was a master at it. You weren’t sure you’d ever been so turned on with any man before. He really knew which buttons to push and all the right things to say.

“Fuck, that’s good… holy shit, Harry…”

He loved hearing you whine his name and the feel of your hips bucking upward in tiny bursts. You were one of those girls that was going to have an orgasm, he just knew it. The way you kept getting wetter every time you shot your eyes down to his was a big telltale sign. Some didn’t like the eye contact but he loved it and so did you, clearly.

He moaned into your pussy and swallowed you down as he worked his tongue in teasing circles around your clit before wrapping his lips around you again and smushing down over you with just the right amount of pressure.

The arm he had under your thigh he wrapped under your lower back, pulling you in closer if that was possible, as he continued fingering you with his other hand. The man was unquenchable. Like he needed to stuff his face in as close as humanly possible. Like he needed to suck you dry and make it so that you never forgot his name.

Your insides were melting for him. His fingers were magic inside of you and it had your brain all fuzzed out and blurry. But the way he rolled your clit under his tongue was divine, otherworldly… he knew what he was doing with that big mouth of his.

You gasped and looked back down at him again and his eyes were already pinned to yours.

“Oh… gonna co… oh fuck, gonna come…” you felt like you were being lifted into the air, levitating and vibrating off the bed and out of the atmosphere as he kept his fingers and his tongue steady. But when he moaned deeply into your cunt, that low resonate sensation traveling from your clit to your core and through your tummy made you lose control.

You didn’t realize you were yanking his hair as your legs quaked and your body liquified under him. But it didn’t deter him. He watched you unravel, tits bouncing and back arching as you orgasmed into his mouth and he curled his fingers up against your g-spot as you clamped over his digits.

If he didn’t have his mouth occupied he would have praised you more in that moment. Told you how pretty you were and how good you did for him. But he waited until you began to slowly come back to earth before whispering into your ear the sweet things he knew you’d like to hear.

He laid next to you and grasped your face, kissing your lips softly as you sighed, “So fucking good. What a pretty orgasm that was, Y/n…” He spoke between kisses.

“Did that all for me? Yeah?”

You couldn’t answer him. Not in that moment. You’d just melted and dissolved and had only begun to re-solidify and become a real human with lungs and limbs and skin and pores again.

“You are really fun to eat out, Y/n. Tasted so nice and you sound so sexy when you come. You can call me anytime you need a release okay?” He continued kissing your cheek and your lips as he spoke softly.

Harry didn’t rush you out like you thought he might. He rubbed over your tummy and kissed your breasts softly and ran his lips up the side of your neck as you slowly opened your eyes and sighed.

���Feel okay?”

You nodded and smiled, “Really good.”

“Stay as long as you want. Okay? No rush. We can even grab dinner together if you want or I can make you something.” Harry wasn’t sure why he asked you that. While he didn’t usually rush anyone out, he didn’t typically offer food or dinner either. There was just something about you that compelled him to ask. Perhaps he hoped you’d stick around a bit longer.

You sat up, “Oh. That’s really nice of you. But… maybe I should probably head back. Get some schoolwork done.”

You’d have loved to stay for dinner but you also didn’t want to get your feelings mixed up for a guy like Harry. Not that there was anything wrong with him, but you understood what this was. A one-time thing. Something fun where you got to learn a thing or two. If you stuck around too long you’d probably just want more. And that would only end in heartbreak for you. Because Harry was kind of the ideal guy in a lot of ways.

“Of course. Just thought I’d ask.”

There were no hard feelings for this kind of thing. Harry wasn’t offended that you didn’t want to stay. He’d had a good time with you and he was almost certain you had a good time as well. And that was just about all one could ask for.

Harry let you use his bathroom to clean up and get dressed. And as you did so you thought about how Gunther didn’t even offer you anything to eat or to stay after. In fact he didn’t even ask if you wanted to use his bathroom, when that would have been nice after giving him head. Because even though Gunther didn’t really touch you, you were still wet, and walking back to your dorm with wet panties was not a nice feeling. Especially when you didn’t even get anything out of it.

You’d be wary of Gunther. You’d give him another shot because you were a nice girl but you weren’t going to ignore the concerns Harry had. Perhaps Harry was right.

When you stepped out of the bathroom Harry handed you a glass of water, “Drink a little before you head out, and what dorm do you live in?” He looked down at his phone as he asked.

“Oh… uh the Millennium dorms near the arts building.”

He nodded as you took a gulp of the water and he showed you his phone, “Uber will be here for you in three minutes. I’ll walk you down, okay?”

“Wait. You didn’t have to do that! Um… I can walk or get an Uber myself it’s–“

He shook his head and grinned, “I know I didn’t have to but it’s getting late. Don’t want you walking twenty minutes by yourself. Who knows what could be lurking out there,” he laughed.

You pointed at him, “Fine. But I’m gonna pay you back. Next time I see you okay?”

“Not necessary. Now come on,” he playfully swatted at your bottom and directed you toward his door, “Let’s go downstairs and wait for…” he looked at his phone, “Rebecca in a white Trail Blazer.”

PART 2

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[nathaslosthershit]

Long Distance (LN4)

Summary: Long distance relationships are hard, especially when they both have very time consuming careers

Warnings; Angst (a whole lot), no happy ending in this part (will happen in pt 2)

Request: hi!! requesting a lando norris x female uni!reader if possible reader being a medical student or a one of the engineers on the paddock 🧍🏻‍♀️

Lando wasn’t known for being the smartest on the grid. He, like many other drivers, had only a few years of school to his name. But that still hadn’t stopped him from being able to somehow ‘woo’ a woman quite the opposite. 

His girlfriend was currently in her last year of medical school. While he was unbelievably proud of how far she had come, the difficulties of long distance have gotten to both of them, and there wasn’t much hope once she graduated and was off to a medical training program. With her studying for finals and Lando being off to a new country every two weeks for Grand Prixs, their relationship has been rocky to say the least.

Constant lack of communication and missing each other's calls had led them to have tons of unspoken dialogue. Each unanswered call created the smallest bit of resentment that just continued to grow and grow. 

No more sweet ‘goodmorning’ or ‘goodnight’ texts, no more wishing her well before a big test, no more sending ‘good luck baby!’ before qualifying. Just a few ‘how are you doing?’ and other bland messages you’d send to a coworker, not your significant other. 

After weeks of little communication, they had finally scheduled a ‘zoom date’. Not particularly the most romantic date they had been on, but it's the best they could do with their schedules. Lando called in late at night for him while his girlfriend had a lunch break in between labs. Time zones be damned.

Lando was 25 minutes late leaving only 35 minutes to actually talk to one another.

Her wifi was spotty so it kept freezing.

Finally, with only 5 minutes left, Lando decided to make a joke that there is no reason for her to continue going to labs, as he would be happy to be her ‘sugar daddy’. This was not very well received by his girlfriend, who responded with a quick “fuck you” and hung up early.

Lando was joking, a bit. He loved his girlfriend and saw a future with her, he just couldn’t stand long distance and any job in the medical field was bound to take up most of your time. He wanted her, but he also wanted someone who could be by his side on race day. That just wasn’t something that was possibly currently. 

He supported her. He loved to brag about how smart she was and how she was so dedicated to helping people. But that came with setbacks.

After a quick message from Lando (‘I was kidding darling. You know how proud I am of you. Lighten up a little, yeah?’), which she ignored, she was off to her labs in a worse mood than before. Things couldn’t go on like this. 

He hadn’t heard from her in three days. His “how are you, love?” and “Miss you lots. Hope your class is going better than my neck training :(“ went unanswered. She knew she was being petty, but maybe a relationship was just too hard for her life currently. 

After three long and stressful days of silence, she called him. With no message asking what she needed to speak about, Lando feared he already knew.

“We can’t keep doing this” She said after they quickly exchanged a ‘hi, how are you?’ ‘I'm good, how are you?’. 

“Baby, I told you it was just a-”

“I know that Lando! It's just that this isn’t the first time you have mentioned me quitting my career to be your housewife or whatever unrealistic idea you have stuck in your head.”

“I don’t need you to be a housewife! I don’t want that for you. I just try to let you know that you don’t need to worry about your future as much because I will always be there to help you.”

“But I want a career! I want to work hard so I can have a good future. You need to get it into your head that your career isn’t the only important one.”

“I don’t think that! Me wanting to let you know that I support you no matter what isn't diminishing your career plans! It would be nice if you started to show a little more support. I am so sick and tired of all our conversations revolving around you and how your day was. If classes are rough, or you are stressed, you don’t respond to me. I never know where I land with you. But god forbid I try to mention how hard my day was. I am just as sick of it.”

She didn’t know how to respond. It seems that all the times she has been more focused on how she was feeling she completely forgot to check on how he was doing. Before she can even muster out an apology, Lando jumps back in.

“Maybe you are right. I don’t think I can do this either. Not anymore.” He feels his stomach dropping as he says the words, not fully meaning them.

There is a long silence, moments where she wants to apologize, to try and reconcile. In that moment all of the good memories of their relationship come flashing back to her, as if her mind is begging her to do something. But she doesn’t. 

“Then I guess this is it.” She finally says. 

“I guess so.”

Part 2 out now!

[2smolbeans]

Fem darling reader x fem yan ceo

Edit: I made a part 2

Based on my two ocs and that fucking tragic lesbian song that keeps haunting me 😭:

You wouldn't have ever considered her a friend. Never would you have imagined talking to her, let alone tolerate her presence. She was snobby in your eyes, a total bitch with arrogant preppy assholes beehiving their queen bee. She was annoying, her low stupid elegant voice taunting you whenever she got the chance. You would have never thought that her harassment would blossom a genuine friendship. You both came from completely different worlds. You worked your ass off, studying and competing with other students just to get accepted into the high-school of your dreams. She, on the other hand, was born with a silverspoon and didn't have to lift a finger. She smoked around the halls, knowing all too well the teachers would do nothing. You, having enough and being a quippy, started to cough dramatically around her- mocking her in a way. And that's how it all started. She would go out of her way in the halls, giving you a "gentle nudge" while hurling smart subtle insults. Her friends would giggle and laugh whenever they saw you. You wouldn't consider it bullying, since they didn't go too far with their hazing, and you made it a game with her to see who could "get back at each other" the most. But eventually, things just changed. She started hanging out with you more, her arm slung over your shoulder while you hung out during lunch. She snuck in her number in your phone, messaging you every night. She still teased you, and nothing changed about her being an asshole, but she was more gentle and calm with you.

You couldn't help it, you really never thought that you would stupidly crush on her. But you did, and you regretted it. You confessed your feelings to her during graduation, right after everyone had thrown their caps. And she, surprisingly, had confessed she always felt the same. You didn't consider yourselves girlfriends, but you did go on dates. It was weird, really weird. You made rules about not seeing other people, and how the two of you wouldn't discuss your relationship in public. You were a bit put off, even saddened how she wanted your relationship secret even though shes talked about her exes publicly without a care. But you knew she loved you, you knew that you two had something special with each other.

She never called you her girlfriend, and you did the same.. And it bothered you, a lot. It was something small, maybe you were overreacting, but you couldn't help but feel a bit of envy whenever you'd see couples holding hands or people openly talking about their partner. You wanted her to talk about you how your fellow college mates would, you wished you were able to briefly mention your girlfriend- just anything. You didn't want her to be all grandeos about your relationship, you just wished she wasn't so secretive about it. Was she ashamed to be with you? Was she scared of commitment? You didn't know. Were you considered dating each other? You really didn't know.

But you were fine with where you were. As long as you were with her, it was fine. She'd buy you small expensive gifts, an abundance of cute little minifigures and merch from places like hot topic or miniso. She'd treat you like you were hers, like the only thing that mattered.

Its why you felt so heart broken and betrayed when she announced she was getting married. It was another rich man, something along the lines of 'family connections', and 'being better like this' that she had said, but you called bullshit. It was because of her stupid father, that awful man that never cared for her happiness. You knew it was some typical rich elite buisness contract, you knew she couldn't care about getting married to some rich guy.

You begged her to run away with you, you cried, calling her out. What about your feelings?! You had put up with so much of the secrecy, you had poured so much love, and she's just breaking the news like this?! Did she not care? Why wasn't she saying anything?! Like usual, she was giving you that stoic look, a calm neutral face that made you feel insane for expressing your agony. She just apologized, if you could even call it, and that was it. With tears in your eyes, pure heartbreak in your chest, you told her your final words, betrayal in your voice.

How she's nothing more than his wife, a buisness contract.

How you were the best thing in her life, how her husband could never love the way you did all those years ago.

How she'll wake up next to him in the middle of the night, with her head in hands when she realises how miserable it is to be stuck in a loveless contract marriage.

How that even if she didn't love you anymore, you still didn't want her to go through with the marriage for her own sake.

How you asked her "is this why you were so secretive about me" with pain and anger in your eyes.

How your face was angry and red, tears streaming down while you pointed a finger at her. Raw emotion and your vulnerability exposed.

"I loved you. I really did. I should've known better."

You thought you could've gone through to her, that something would've been acomplished.. But maybe she just wasn't willing to give up her luxurious life style. Maybe that's why you scream and cry inside your car in an empty parking lot whenever you get the chance. Why you blocked her on everything, even cut off the friends you made because of her. Why every little thing that reminded you of her; a slight glimpse of someone who looked like her walking past you giving you a heart attack, your absolute refusal to go on social media, too afraid you'll see her face pop up, or even couples that reminded you of what the two of you used to be... Just tore you to shreds.

She never invited you to her wedding, and you didn't know if you should've felt grateful or hurt. But then again, how could she when you blocked all contact? Maybe it was the fact she never tried to reach out to you, because if she really wanted to- she would've done it no matter what.

The breakup was ugly, and it brought the worst out of you. You became this bitter awful person, always never happy and depressed. You became insecure, desperate to make new friends and lovers to the point it pushed people away. There was always a weight in your heart you couldn't get rid of, and it only ever went away when you went to sleep. It was awful, and you lost it even more when you caught wind of her wedding. You really did lose yourself, knowing the person you loved and thought who loved you was now nothing more than a melancholy memory. There were days you hated her, cussed her out in the privacy of your home. There were other days where you pretended to talk to her, talking to yourself as if she were there. And other days.. You missed her greatly- wishing and fantasizing how one day she'll magically reach out to you, how the two of you would make up and stay in each others lives.

It was awful, and the feeling never went away for years. But time heals, and it took years until nothing hurt anymore. Maybe because you had actually healed, or maybe it was all the repressing in your mind that just numbed everything and made you forget about her. Who knows? What mattered now is that you were better.

You were older now, with a few gray hairs on you with more mature features on your face. Life was stable, and you were happier, more at peace. You owned a small house by the lake, working from home with a rescue cat and dog that accompanied you. You never had any lovers or really learned how to stick with other people and make new friends, but you couldn't care about that anymore. You were content where you were, and you knew nothing would change that. But, life had other plans apparently, and now here you were, face to face with your first love that ruined it all.

You opened the door one day, hearing a knock promptly before. You thought nothing of it, it was probably just some mail. But when you saw her eyes, you immediately tried to shut the door- the awful feelings rushing back to you. With a foot on the door, she didn't let you however, instead she forced the door open- an unusual look on her face.

"Haven't you aged like fine wine" her voice was silky, smooth like the fine wine she had just mentioned. "Who are you?" Your voice came off a bit too accusatory for her to believe your cluelessness. It was hard to tell what she was thinking, she was so unreadable.. But after all those years, you hated how you still recognized her. Even worse, you hated how she looked better with age. "What do you want?" You still couldn't read her. She wasn't smiling, frowning, or anything. But she wasn't stoic or neutral as well.

Without warning, she stepped inside, her hands on your waist while you tried stumbling away. She was keeping you close, her grip unhumanly strong when you tried to pry her off. She nuzzled her head into the crook of your neck, taking a in a deep breath through her noise, savoring the moment. Her body was tightly trapped against yours, and she confessed with relief.

"God I missed you"

And that's when it all went downhill.

[minhosimthings]

love.

Synopsis: in which Hyunjin comforts you on a hard day

Warnings: fluff fluff fluff, heavily self indulgent because I can, hurt/comfort, reader cries, mention of food

A/N: yay I did this finally it's out of my notes Woohoo! Idk when this idea came into my brain but it did and I couldn't stop thinking about it so now it's here. For my loves @chlorinecake and @astraystayyh they are my Hyunjins

Song rec: love by Wave to Earth

The weight of the world on your shoulders.

You had often heard that phrase as a child. It was ridiculous, initially.

The world can't possibly weigh that much.

You were the smartest in your class, you knew the multiplication tables by the time you were five, the capitals of the world by eight, and by fifteen, the weight of nothing but your own shoulders dragged you behind everyone.

University was an easy affair, that's what you told everyone. Someone's got to keep up the smart girl, book child status up right?

Studies were easy, just understand it, write it down better. Yet, fuck, you could feel the words fading by, was it a stalactite or a stalagmite?

Graduation was easy, you were peaking and nothing was in your way!

Then you realised something.

The world did weigh too much.

Everyone weighed too much.

Your mind weighed greater than your heart, something you fought off for eons now.

And diamonds are formed under pressure, but hadn't you learnt that diamonds turn into graphite every now and then too?

You were so smart as a child, what happened?, You wished ever so fervently that you could tell them that you weren't a child anymore.

No longer the child that thought the only thing that she needed to do to be loved was to get a good grade off her papers.

Or was that love starved part of you still inside?

"Rough day, love?"

Love. It was the nickname you most adored. Lucky for you nicknames were Hyunjin's personal favourite job.

"Fuck..." You swore softly, immediately collapsing onto your couch, and wrapping yourself into the warm cocoon that was your boyfriend's arms. You swore you would become a butterfly from your current catterpillar state one day.

The gruesome world always seemed to calm down on its axis of rotation as soon as you reached Hyunjin's touch. As if he was the petals of honeydew calming down the speed of a hummingbird. Would you have been the overactive bird rushing around to cater to the needs of everyone around her?

You could hear your own heartbeat in the moments of silence, when the dust seemed to still and the winds seemed to wait, eavesdropping on conversations old and new. The hauntedness of the thumping sound made you shiver.

The tightness around your throat felt tighter by the moment, like an invisible rope hanging round it. Your heart felt too heavy too for some reason. It's a heart, you tried to convince yourself, you need it to live. But you knew that you could rip it out of your chest at this moment, and you would still keep living on. But did you really have to-

"Want to talk about it, love?"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

A loud sob ripped through the thick air, coating the curtains of the atmosphere in a blueish paint that seemed to have rotted inside it's bucket far too long. Hyunjin was quick to bury your head further into his chest.

You know you smell really comforting?, that went on in his mind, the thing you said on your first cuddle session, in which, he remembered fondly, you described his scent a bit further than most people usually did.

Broken strings of words escaped your lips, I'm sorry—im so sorry! Guilt always flowed through your veins whenever anything like this happened.

But Hyunjin understood, he always understood. And fuck, you both hated and loved that he understood.

One hand lay on the back of your head, while his other caressed your back, rubbing circles on it. As if a magical void would appear and take all your problems away.

Hyunjin was your magical void.

"Can you talk to me?" Hyunjin asked quietly. He felt you shake your head against his shoulder, causing him to tighten his hold on you.

"It's going to be okay love. I promise you."

Another wave of tears surged through you, nearly making you double over at the rush of fresh emotions popping off in your brain, your jaw tensing as you tried to stifle the illegible babbling falling from your lips. 

Hyunjin's words in your ear and his hand rubbing ribbons of comfort onto your back made you catch your breath, and slow down. Silence rose once you had stopped crying, you felt even more tired now and you had to admit, Hyunjin was a nice pillow.

The occasional sniffle and tired breath from you, broke Hyunjin's heart even more. He hated seeing you cry, so much so, he'd always distract you if he ever sensed you were in a depressed mood. Even if there were times that you poured your entire heart out of him in tears, he'd always shed his own tears in private, sometime later.

"Love?"

"Hmm?"

"Want me to run you a bath?"

"With the candles and everything?" You managed to say in a quiet, exhausted voice. Your throat was tired from all the crying.

"With the candles and everything." Hyunjin smiled down at you, pushing back stray strands of your hair behind your ear, "Can we go up to the bedroom, love? Can we do that?"

He was speaking so softly to you, and it was making you want to sob rivers again.

Silently nodding, you felt yourself droop down all over again as soon as Hyunjin got you up, strong arm wrapped around your waist, hugging you to his side.

Pressing a sweet kiss to the side of your head, Hyunjin started with shuffling moments upto the bedroom, which you followed, not even being able to lift your head up from the pure exhaustion.

Sitting on the bed felt like you were hung down by iron nails, while Hyunjin prepared the bath for you. Even a moment without him felt down, and even if it was a bit dramatic , you were willing to admit it.

"Hands up?" Hyunjin looked at you softly, taking off your shirt for you and discarding it in the empty laundry basket, "You did the laundry yesterday? Wow, I'm proud of you baby."

You let out a breathy giggle at his words. Hyunjin somehow always knew every word in the instruction manual of how to make you laugh.

"Is the temp alright?"

You couldn't get yourself to say yes so you hummed what seemed to have been a 'yes'. Your throat was raw, and your face was congested as well as your chest. You sounded like you swallowed a frog, and the frog was also now sick and subsequently congested.

The water truly didn't have any texture or temperature to it when you got into it. The world felt numb again as you relaxed into the tub, which, evident from the scent, Hyunjin had filled with your favourite bath salts.

What seemed like a year's worth of time, passed in silence, as Hyunjin quietly stroked your skin with soap, was it the lavender one or the tea tree one? You couldn't tell, remembering how you often joked that both of them gave off the same perfuminous vapours and that Hyunjin should just buy one of them. The water seemed more mellow now.

"Love, look at me?" Hyunjin's voice broke you out of your seemingly never-ending stupor. Like it always did.

You turned your head and rested your eyes on Hyunjin's softened ones, and you felt that familiar tightening of your throat again.

"Hyun I-"

"Don't you dare apologise." Hyunjin said before you could even get a word out, "You never have to apologise to me. Not for this."

His hands were sickeningly sweet as they ran over your back, washing lathers of soap off of your back, his voice even more so.

“You deserve to relax, you know that right?" Hyunjin said, as he wrapped you up in your purple coloured towel, "“You did so well today and you do so well everyday and you deserve to rest for a while."

Hugging you into his arms again, Hyunjin provided you with a little den, a cave where you could settle into whenever you felt that you were too tired for a lion's hunt. And you were forever grateful to him for him.

"Now-" Hyunjin looked down at you with a cheeky smile, "You are not allowed to leave the bed until you finish every single cupcake I got you."

"You got me cupcakes?" Your lips broke into a smile, a genuine one this time, "What flavour?"

"Beef." Hyunjin joked, sending both of you into a frenzy of laughter, as you pressed a kiss against his nose, making it turn the touched skin like a tomato.

The one thing that you'd have never admitted to anyone when you were younger was the fact that you wanted to be loved. That was a silly notion to you.

But maybe now, under the watchful gaze of Hyunjin as he saw you devour the cupcakes, you'd admit it.

You'd want to be loved, even if it was another weight on your shoulder.

Maybe that'd be a weight you'd like to ephermally lift.

[briefinquiries]

Luke Alvez x Reader: It's About Time

Prompt: The reader and Luke pretend to be dating so that the rest of the team will stop trying to set Luke up on blind dates.  

Word count: 3k

Warnings: none

You've really done it now, Alvez, Luke thinks to himself.  

Of all the names he could have blurted out, he just had to choose yours. God, the Queen of England would have been better.  

He thought back to the conversation in the bullpen that had started this whole mess.

"I-I can't go out with your friend," Luke stuttered, wishing his coworkers would stop pushing him to go on all these blind dates just because he was single.

"C’mon, Luke-” Tara pressed. “She’s smart and accomplished. I think you two would really hit it off-"

"Because I'm seeing someone," he blurted out spontaneously, mind racing to come up with a name.

Tara and JJ all looked taken aback, then suspicious, their eyes narrowing in unison. Tara raised her brows, "Oh? Who?"

Luke’s mind went blank, his brain nearly sizzling as it worked fast to come up with something. He should have chosen someone random- the girl who always walked her dog by his house, or the one who made his coffees in the morning. Someone the team didn’t know.  Hell, a completely made up girl would’ve been better.  

Suddenly, a warm smile and deep, sparkling eyes flooded his mind, and Luke couldn't stop himself. "Y/N."

JJ’s jaw dropped, a gasp escaping her lips. "Y/N?"

Instantly, Luke’s entire insides flood with regret.  

You worked in the Counter-Terrorism division of the Bureau. Luke first met you in training at the Academy when he joined the FBI. You had become quick allies, before graduating and moving on to your assignments.

There had been a time, in the Academy, when Luke had a thing for you, quickly reigned in by your charm. He admired your work ethic and constant ability to make him laugh.  

But everything changed once you finished the Academy.  You remained in Quantico while Luke traveled with the Fugitive Task Force, gradually losing touch.  

It was only recently, with Luke joining the BAU, that you two were able to reconnect. Now that he was stationed in Quantico full time, you actually saw each other quite frequently. At first, just in passing- a consequence of your offices being so close to one another.  But, as time went on, you started rekindling during work gatherings and even meeting for drinks after hours.  Your friendship with Luke was easy and natural.  You even were introduced to his team- who all took a quick liking to you.   

Sometimes Luke thought you were closer to Penelope, Tara, and JJ than you were to him. He cringed realizing they would never buy it. "Yeah," he confirms anyway.

"Luke," Tara said slowly, "why haven’t we heard anything about this?"

"We... wanted to take things slow,” Luke lied. “It just... sort of happened."

“Well, I mean, it’s about time. I think Pen called this months ago,” JJ said. 

Luke’s face flushed bright red. 

"We have to tell her," Tara agreed. 

“Yeah, Luke, you should bring her to Garcia’s house party this weekend. I’m sure Matt would love to meet her.”

Great. 

Luke slid off the desk he was kneeling on and nodded in confirmation, “Yeah, great idea,” he lied again. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans; positive this whole thing was going to bite him in the ass.

...

The next morning, Luke arrived at the Bureau early. He needed to talk to you before anyone else could.  

He had a hunch that he might be murdered today.

You were heading for the elevators when it happened. You had your head down and were 20 minutes early to work, per usual. Normally, you didn’t encounter anyone on your way inside of Quantico. But you let out a startled squeal when suddenly, someone threw their arm between the closing metal doors, forcing them to reopen. Breathless from the scare, you quickly turn to realize it was Luke. You let out a sigh of relief before playfully shoving his shoulder. 

“God, you scared me,” you said. 

But Luke didn't laugh. Instead he tugged on his shirt uncomfortably, an awkward smile on his face. 

“What’s the matter with you?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“So, uh-” how the hell was Luke supposed to casually bring this up?  “It’s a funny story really..”

“Spit it out, Alvez,” you said, you immediately could tell something was up.  Luke was never this fidgety. 

He bit his lip harshly. “The entire BAU may or may not think we’re dating-” he spit out quickly. “That’s not true-” he corrected.  “The entire BAU definitely thinks we’re dating.”

You gawked at Luke, not entirely processing what he had just told you. “What?” Your cheeks were growing hot with embarrassment. “Why?”

Luke offered a brief, cheeky smile, one that was layered with guilt. "See, now that's a funny story-"

"Spit it out, Alvez."

“-Because I told them we were.”

Without even thinking you turned and pressed the stop button on the elevator, locking the two of you into place. This conversation was going to take a lot longer than the minute it took to bring you to the fourth floor. 

“You what?” You gasped.    

“Like I said- it’s really, kind of a funny story-” 

But you cut him off. "You have ten seconds to explain before I strangle you to death in this elevator.”

Luke’s eyes widened with shock, even though that was exactly the reaction he expected.  

“Talk. Now.” You demanded, cornering him.  

"Tara was trying to set me up with one of her friends- and to get out of it I told her I was already seeing someone. When she asked who, I panicked and said you."

Your nostrils flared and Luke thought he could almost hear your teeth grinding. "Why wouldn’t you just say no to the date?" You asked. “Instead of lying?”

“Because it never stops- every gathering, every party, they’re trying to set me up.  It’s like I scream lonely or something.”

Your mouth tightened but you stayed quiet.

“I needed something that would shut them up for good.  Or at least a little while.”

"And so you said you were dating me..." 

Luke sighed. “I know it was stupid. But I’m tired of going on meaningless dates that never turn out good. I just needed a break... I mean, it's exhausting, really- and never ending. But I get it- I mean, I get it's not fair to you. But I panicked- and just reacted." God, he was blabbing. "But I’ll tell them it was a lie, I’ll go on the date-”

You crossed your arms. "You done?"

Luke nodded. You waited a moment, mulling the whole thing over in your head.

It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, right? Except, it was. Because back at the Academy, when you and Luke first became friends, you had developed a small, barely-there, tiny crush on Luke. However, now that he was stationed in Quantico and you two were seeing each other more often, your crush had only grown into a full fledged, real-life feelings.  

But the thought of Luke going on another blind date made you cringe, so without giving yourself a chance to do the responsible thing here, you blurted out a quick, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Luke said in disbelief. 

“What would I have to do?”

“Uh-” Luke stammers, like he’s still in shock. “Garcia’s party-  You could come to Garcia’s party with me.”

"Garcia’s party then," you declared. "We pretend to be together for the party."

Luke’s eyes met yours and he gave you a convincing smile. “Are you sure?”

You shrugged before pushing the button to start the elevator back up again. “Yeah, what the hell?”

…

You pulled into the driveway of Garcia’s home and both of you sat in the car, tensed.

“I’m sorry again about this. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this mess. I owe you one. I just… didn’t want to do the blind date thing and you’re the only person I’d feel comfortable doing this with and-“ 

You cut Luke off and slid your calm hand over his shaking one. You hope the small admission was lost somewhere in Luke’s rushed, jumbled apology.

“Luke, it’s fine. I wouldn’t have said yes if I didn’t want to say yes.” You squeezed Luke’s hand, gently demanding for him to look up and into your eyes.

Luke obliged.

“I’m happy to be here with you. There’s no one else in the world that I’d rather be in a fake relationship with.”

Luke thought that, ‘or a real relationship’ was hanging somewhere in the air between them. But neither of you had the courage to admit it.

You squeezed Luke’s hand again before hopping out of the passenger’s side, going to the backseat to collect the bottle of wine you’d brought.  

To say Garcia was excited to see the two of you holding hands on her doorstep was an understatement. 

“Oh my gosh,” she said, looking shocked. “Oh my gosh. You guys are so beautiful together. I always had a feeling about this. Made for each other, you two. I called this.” 

“Hi Penelope,” you said through a smile.

She waved you in excitedly, and you and Luke exchanged glances before following her into the house.

Luke carried the bags in and you carried the wine. Luke couldn’t help but think that this is probably how it would go if you two were really dating. Luke doing all the heavy lifting of the bags, and you letting your friends whisk you into the kitchen to chatter about something.

Luke shook the thought out of his head.  

...

“So tell me about how you guys got together,” JJ asked later in the night.  

Penelope’s eyes widened and she hurried to set down her glass before flailing her arms. “Oh, oh, oh!” she bounced excitedly. “I want to know too!” 

Everyone in the room’s attention turned to you. You opened your mouth to speak, but hesitated. 

While you floundered in your explanation. Luke wished he could go to you, wrap an arm around your waist, steady you and remind you that it was okay.

Luke was midway through the thought when he realized that oh… he could actually do that right now.

He crossed the room in a hurry before wrapping a steadying arm around your waist. He pulled you into his side, smiling at you as he felt you lean into his body, one of your arms snaking behind him to grip his hip. 

Luke could get used to this. 

But he won’t be getting used to this. Because this is just for the party and then you and him will go back to being just friends. 

“It uh-” Luke fumbled with his words, too distracted by the way your fingertips felt against the flesh of his hip. 

But you swooped in to save him, jumping into your story quickly. “It happened after work a little while ago. We were riding down in the elevator together and he finally just asked me out.” Luke squeezed your arm, as your voice trailed off. You looked up at him, smiling. “It was an easy yes from me, I’d been waiting for him to do that for a while- pretty much since the day we met.” You let the moment carry you through the story, let your real, raw feelings show, for once. And you hoped that Luke was listening to every word. You hoped it registered to Luke that not all of this was for show.

It took a small whimper of a sob that came from Garcia's mouth to snap the two of you from your trance. 

“Oh, you guys. I’m so happy for you both. This is wonderful. From the way Luke’s always talked about you, I figured that he was just in his own head again… he’s been head over heels for you for quite some time –“

“Oh wow, Garcia,” Luke choked on his words, his eyes wide. “That reminds me, we brought your favorite wine! Let’s get that opened, yeah?” His skin was the same shade as the Pinot Noir he was currently reaching for.

Garcia smiled and nodded, clapping her hands together before shuffling off to grab three wine glasses from the cupboard. But you were looking up at him with a blinding grin.

Just for show, Luke thought. Just for show.

Penelope returned with a handful of glasses, which she filled with a generous serving of wine and held hers up like she was about to give a toast. Luke groaned. He hadn’t anticipated how much his team would dote over his fake relationship. 

“To you, Y/N. For making my Luke the happiest I’ve ever seen him, and for so many years to come.”

You all clinked your glasses and sipped (in Luke’s case, chugged) before Garcia led them into the living room.

Luke found himself sitting on the couch listening to Rossi tell stories about his early days with the BAU.  Somewhere during the story your fingers laced together.

Luke wasn't sure when it happened or who initiated it.

But he certainly wasn’t complaining.

…

“God, how he drooled over you. I swear, his jaw dropped to the floor anytime you entered a room.”

Luke was going to kill Rossi. 

You, on the other hand, were laughing hysterically on the couch next to him. Luke was far past the mortification of it all at this point. His team had graciously taken it upon themselves to test if he could actually die of embarrassment. He assumed they’re about halfway there.

Somewhere between the stories of Luke’s desperate pining over you and your fond smiles, Luke had refilled his glass of wine.

He wished he had something stronger, because wine wasn’t exactly cutting it for him in this mess of a conversation.

You, however, looked happy.

Your second glass of wine had caused your cheeks to gently flush, while your full grin was on display. 

“Time for cards!” Garcia announced as she waved everyone into the kitchen. 

Before standing up, you leaned into Luke’s side. “You okay?" 

Your voice was soft. Luke pressed closer to you without thinking about it.

“Yeah. I-I’m fine, just… don’t listen to them, okay? JJ and Rossi are trying to wind me up, and Garcia’s just happy that I’m with someone. I promise I’m not some… some like.. I didn’t… what they said-" 

There was no way to explain what the team had said that wouldn’t result in Luke lying to you. All of those stories were true, they just sounded more pathetic when they were told all together like that.

You shook your head and grinned.

“It’s okay. Besides, if we were actually dating, I think I would be a little angry at you right now for not making a move sooner.” You winked before standing up, holding your hand out for Luke to take. 

Luke pushed himself up from the couch and linked his fingers with yours again, grabbing his glass of wine because he would probably need that to get through this night alive.

…

“She’s good for you, Luke. I’m glad that you finally mustered up the courage to ask her out.” Rossi clapped Luke on the back as he and you gathered up your things at the end of the evening.

All Luke could do was nod and smile in return.  

You, on the other hand, were in the middle of a shockingly long hug from Garcia, who was making you promise that you’d visit soon. 

Luke bites his lip, wondering if maybe this whole thing had gone too far. How was he supposed to keep up this facade when he showed up at work the next day and everyone asked about you? 

He was still thinking about it when the two of you got into the car.  

You exhaled a breath of relief as soon as you sat down. When you look over, Luke’s staring straight ahead, his jaw clenched. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked. 

Luke shook his head, chuckling uncomfortably. He stared down at his lap for a moment. 

You shifted in your seat, angling your body so that you were facing him. 

“Tell me,” you urge, your voice softening. 

Luke met your gaze, his lips turned into a small smile. “I’m just thinking about what I’m going to tell the team tomorrow.”

Your confused face urges him to continue. 

“I don’t know, I mean they love you- I think more than they love me. They’re gonna be asking about you all the time.  Do we fake a breakup now?”

Without thinking, you reached out to cup Luke’s cheek before leaning in and kissing him, softly and gently. 

You didn’t want to pull your lips away, and suddenly, Luke was kissing you back.  Only when you were desperate for air did you pull away.  

“Were they looking?” Luke asked quietly, still keeping his soft brown eyes locked on you. 

Narrowing your eyebrows, you shake your head. “No,” you tell him.  “No, they weren’t looking.”

Luke’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape, his jaw dropping slowly. 

“Luke-” you said slowly, hoping that you weren’t painfully misjudging the situation. “I think we both know that tonight wasn’t fake. Tell me if I’m wrong.”

You both looked at each other in fond silence before Luke nodded slowly, too shocked to speak. 

“Am I wrong?” you asked, your confidence fading quickly. 

Luke shook his head, “No,” he blurted out. “No, you aren’t wrong.”

With a grin you just couldn’t wipe off of your face, you nodded again.  “Good,” you whispered.  

Luke licked his lips, only now realizing how dry they were. “So maybe we don’t have to have a fake break up?” His sentence finished as a question. 

“Luke Alvez,” you said, scooting even closer towards him.  “Are you finally asking me out?”

Luke nodded while simultaneously closing the gap between the two of you, pressing your lips together in a sweet kiss.  You were both smiling into each other’s touch.  

When you finally break apart, your face was flushed and you were out of breath. You smiled, little tears gathering in your eyes that Luke swiped away gently with the pad of his thumb. 

“It’s about time,” you told him smugly. 

[billthedrake]

RECONNECTING WITH BRODIE

Mmm... that feels nice, bro.

Bring it in Brodie... your Matt's got you. There... lean back against me.

(chuckles) You're sweaty.

We're both sweaty.

Hm, didn't know you could get like that going slow.

Slow and long, buddy. We were at it almost an hour. That's why.

(Pause) I sometimes wish Dad would go slow. Usually, it's... I wish I could tell him to go slow.

(sound of a hand patting tight abs) You can, Brode. You should.

(sigh) I know. I just want it to feel good for him. It's weird but now that we're boyfriends, I dunno....

Boyfriends talk about shit. You should tell him.

(more resolved) I will.

(soft kiss to the head) You're all jacked Brodie... when did you get so big?

Since last Spring. Been working on it. You guys should come to visit more often.

I know. It's complicated.

I know. I just miss you guys. Dad does too.

I'll be back for your graduation. I'm sure Connor will, too.

Hmmm.... I like the way you touch me, Matt.

I can't stop feeling you up.

Then don't.

You OK with me shacking up with you tonight, buddy?

Oh yeah. I figured that was going to be the arrangement. You know, with Dad and Connor having their date night.

Doesn't mean you have to like the arrangement, Brode. You OK with them together?

I'm not jealous. And Dad... well, he kind of encourages me to be with other guys.

Have you?

A couple, yeah.... Damn, Matt, whatever you're doing with your hands is boning me the fuck up again. Already.

Connor doesn't like this... after he cums, he's done.

Dude, he's missing the best part.

(chuckles) Maybe you should tell him that.

I fucking will. Seriously, Matt, you should became a masseur or something.

I have a day job already.

I know, I'm just saying.... mmm, a little lower, oh fuck, right there.... making my cock leak and you're not even touching it.

So Brodie, be real with me bro... how's the boyfriend thing working out?

I know I seem messed up, Matt, but it's been mindblowingly awesome.

Doesn't seem like this bed's been slept in much.

Bro, I haven't slept in my own room since I got grounded.

(laugh) Dad grounded you?

(laugh) Yeah, back in the summer. For breaking curfew. Three fucking weeks. He thought he had to act all paternal, you know.

How was that?

Dude, I was pissed. And we were fucking blue balled for three weeks. The make up sex was pretty intense, though. Kind of made it worth it.

Yeah?

Oh yeah. Only time I think I really loved it hard.

Jesus.

You're getting bricked again, Matt. I can feel that big cock against my back.

(soft kiss to the head) Just hearing my little brother talk like that is wild.

Huh. I think that's why I wanna get big. So you guys will stop thinking about me as little.

(Pats chest) It's not about size, Brodie.

I know, Matt. Still, I wanna get big. Bigger than Dad eventually.

Bro, I'm bigger than Dad. He's solid, but he doesn't lift.

I'm surprised you ended up with Connor, actually.

I love Connor's body. But it's more than that.

Yeah?

He's my brother, like you Brodie. But we've always been especially tight. Grew up together. And maybe I go for the smart ones. (chuckles)

That's cool. I guess go for the strong, silent type. Connor probably does too.

He does. (scoots) Here, let's shift a little.... much better, Brodie.

(soft kisses)

Fucking nice.

Yeah, Brode... fucking nice.

Man... your fucking arms are insane.

Connor likes 'em.

I bet he does. Fuck.

Brodie... I don't wanna be the older brother who's always lecturing you, but life is more than muscles you know.

(chuckles) Easy for you to say.

(smiles) Well, feel em all you want, buddy.

I will.

(More kissing. Deeper, longer)

You're so hard, Matt.

Guess I have a fresh pump from my workout this afternoon,

No, I mean your cock.

Oh yeah, it's been like that the last fifteen minutes. I got my stud little bro in bed with me.

I'm not little, Matt.

You're not. 6'5" (kiss) tight end body (kiss) D1 ready.

Hmmm.

You ready to break some hearts at Stanford, bro? (kiss)

I'm a little in denial actually.

Bro, that letter of intent is signed. Big fucking accomplishment.

I know. I mean about going off.

(sigh) You gotta, Brodie. Gotta leave the nest. Become your own man.

I know.

You know... Dad's gonna have empty nest syndrome like crazy. You can probably get your way for the next few months.

Yeah? (chuckles) No more being grounded?

No more being grounded.

Shame, I'll miss the make up sex.

Dude, homecoming sex is just as good.

Fuck.

(wet kissing)

You think that's what Connor's going to feel tonight?

I know that's what Connor's going to feel.

He's probably not going to tell Dad to go softer, is he?

Knowing Connor... no, no he won't. But don't compare yourself to him, Brode. Him or anyone else.

I guess.

You're Dad's favorite, buddy. He worships the ground you walk on.

Yeah. Matt... you wanna fuck me again?

You know I do Brode. But let's take our time. We got all night.

You must think I'm an impatient kid.

You're a horny fucker. I like that.

(kissing)

Jesus, Matt. I'm gonna try this out with Dad.

Try what, bro?

The whole slow thing. I'm so fucking horny with you.

(kissing)

I can only imagine what this would feel like with Dad.

Tell him, Brode. Make it happen.

I totally will.

(kissing)

Jesus, Matt, I fucking love your muscle. My big brother.

You're fucking jacked for 18, bro.

Mmm... does Connor get into it?

Yeah he does.

Does you guys, you know, ever do any worship stuff?

You mean body worship? (softer) We've done that.

Hot. (softer) I wanna ask Dad to try that too.

(chuckles)

You think I'm weird.

Hardly. I'm just picturing Dad doing a worship session with you.

He's not very verbal.

No he's not. I think I heard him say 10 words all through high school.

(laughs) Come on, Matt... he's not that bad.

I exaggerate. But not much.

(kissing)

(ooof)

Fuck yes.

You like that buddy?

I love you on top of me, Matt. How much you weigh?

250.

2-fucking-50. Fuck.

Does Dad know you curse like a sailor.

(laughs) He once grounded me for that, too.

I remember that. You were testing his authority.

Dad doesn't like that.

No, he doesn't.

Thought I was gonna get whipped, too.

Dad wouldn't do that.

I know. But fuck, I really thought he was gonna get the belt, he was so mad.

Brodie, you called him the c-word. In front of Mom.

I was there, remember? We laugh about it now.

Mmmm... feel my arms stud. You like those.

Yessir.

(kissing)

Damn, Matt.

Damn, yourself. Someone taught you how to kiss.

Yeah. Dad.

You're a better kisser than him, bro. For real.

(more kissing)

How do you think date night is going?

Sure you're not jealous, Brode?

Sure I'm sure.

Connor misses Dad. A lot.

You don't?

I do, too. But...

I know... it's complicated.

(kissing)

OK if I tease the hole a little Brode?

You gotta ask?

Sometimes it can get uncomfortable keeping your legs spread.

(smirks) Sounds like you speek from experience, Matt.

Some. Tried it but realized bottoming wasn't for me.

Dad?

Dad. And a couple of dudes in Chicago. Never felt good.

For what it's worth you're an amazing top, bro.

Thanks. I have some amazing inspiration beneath me.

Oh fuck, you're big.

You took me just now, Brodie.

I did. That was thirty minutes ago.

Who's counting?

Fuck.

Easy buddy, just gonna work it in and out.

That big brother cock.

Yep, that big brother cock. In my little bro's tight hole.

I'm not little, Matt.

(smiles) And you're not gonna be tight when I'm done.

Jesus.

(heavy breathing)

Connor's one lucky dude.

Mmmmh....

Hope that wasn't the wrong thing to say.

I can take a complement.... gonna go in with more.

Please.

Goddamn, that jock hole is amazing. So wet....

That's all you, Matt.

I can see why Dad has you sleep in his bed each night. Fuck.

He doesn't make me, bro. I wanna.

I know.

Jesus, how much did I cum?

You don't know?

(laughs) I thought I did. But fuck... (choked grunt)

Why'd you stop?

Shhhh...

(whispers) Is that them?

(whispering back) Yeah.

(kissing)

(quiet) They're gonna fuck.

Yeah Brode, they will.

So fucking hot.... you in me, while Dad bones C.

Shit...

That turns you on too.

Hell yes it does.

I can tell. You're rock hard inside me. Alive.

If I tell you something will you keep it a secret, Brode?

Course.

If Dad asked me on date night while I was here, I'd say yes in a heartbeat.

God you guys are so fucking stubborn.

I inherited his worst traits, Brodie.

And his best.... oh fuck me, man.

Like this?

Yeah, just like that. So fucking nice.... I don't know how you even go so slow.

It's because it turns you on.

You like me whoring out for you?

I don't like that word.

Sorry.

You don't have to apologize. I just don't like my little brother thinking of himself that way.

Unng.... deeper, man.

Ummmf.

Yeah. Fuck me.

Your voice even gets deeper when I fuck you Brode.

Just fucking shove it in me already, bro.

Slow, remember?

(laughs) You're killing me.

Like that.... yeah... you feel it.

God!

I wanna get us both there, bro.

You're gonna, Matt.

Feel me up, Brode. Feel my muscle while I fuck you.

You're bottoming out now.

I'm bottoming out.... I'm not as big as Dad.

You're big enough. Fuck.

You're a firecracker, bro.

Goddamn, Matt. I love this.

Me, too, buddy. Hang on.

Oh fuck... oh fuck.

Turns out I have more than one speed, little bro.

Fuck me, Matt!

Huhnng.... they're gonna hear us Brode.... they're gonna hear me fuck you.

FUCK ME!

You naughty fucker. Hot fucking ass.

So wet. I can feel your dick sliding in and out.

My cum. It's frothing up.

Dude, you're fucking railing me. Stirring it up.

Ung... ungh... ungh...

Matt, just fucking cum... Fucking cum up my hole.

Almost there, bro.... too fucking hot.

Fuck me like Dad fucks me.

Jesus. FUCKK!

YESS!!

(heavy breathing) God.... that was....

Stay in me bro... like that... saw that brother dick in and out while I stroke...

Go for it bro.... Your Matt's got ya.

Yes... oh, I'm gonna.... oh yeah... oh fuck... SHIT!

Stud!.... shit, that's a big load.

(laughs) Jesus, yeah. Guess the slow thing really works one up.

OK if I pull out?.... whoa I wasn't kidding... you're all frothed up, bro. Like a...

You were gonna say 'whore' right?

I wouldn't call you that, Brodie. But fuck...

We're even sweatier now.

Got my cardio in that's for sure.... damn these sheets are fucking soaked.

Maybe I should change them. Put these in the wash.

You're not doing a damn thing. Just relax. Bottom's prerogative.

Dude, is that even a thing?

(chuckles) For me it is. A man puts out like that, I'm taking clean up duty. OK?

OK.

(kissing)

Damn. Dad definitely didn't teach you how to kiss like that.

You haven't kissed him in a while, Matt.

I know. Still.... my brother's got game.

(smiles)

Where are the clean sheets? I'll go get them.

Wait a second, OK?

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong. I just royally fucked twice. I wanna hold the man who did the honors for a second. OK?

Mmmh... yeah. Sorry. How's this?

Perfect.

(kissing)

You know, Connor chastises me for not being romantic enough sometimes.

You guys bicker a lot?

Our fair share. It's been more since Connor moved in with me.

I keep waiting for me and Dad to get like that.

Whaddya mean?

You know... argue... like a real couple.

Dude, he fucking grounded you.

(shrugs) Yeah, he was being Dad, though. That's different.

(kissing)

Mmm, nice...

I'll say.

You know... I think you should tell him, Matt.

Tell who? What?

Tell Dad you wanna go on a date. You guys are here, what? Three more days?

Bro, it's fucking Christmas.

So?

All right. (light slap on flesh) OK... time to change these sheets. They're fucking drenched.

You're totally going to listen in to see if you can hear Dad and Connor, aren't you?

(laughs) Maybe.

(chuckles) OK, perv. I'm gonna shower off. Maybe you can make me a midnight snack while you're out there. You know, bottom's prerogative.

You got it, Brode. And breakfast, lunch, and dinner tomorrow, too. Just now... that was frickin' incredible.

I agree, Matt.

[fivestar-outlaw]

New Horizons (Park Seonghwa) (Epilogue)

Epilogue

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Fem!Reader

Words: 7.0k+

Warning(s): Mentions of reader being anxious/having anxiety, some swears, drinking, i think thats it.

SMUT (18+) WARNINGS: Multiple orgasms, oral (F receiving)/ face sitting, slight cockwarming, birthcontrol used, No condom use, PiV penetration, cowgirl yeehaw

A/N: Fucking- Finally finished the epilog. Grad school is slowly but surely killing me rn. I only had time to write this during the undergrad class im taking for credits iubgouoren. I hope yall enjoy.

Reader is implied to be living in the US bc uh TIMEZONES ARE FUCKY and i didnt realize how reliant i was on mine (PST) when looking up KST

English dialogue is italicized, Korean dialogue is not

Summary: Attempting an all-nighter while playing Animal Crossing alongside your bias, you didn't expect your turnip prices to be such a high amount... nor did you expect Park Seonghwa to actually accept your offer to sell his turnips on your island.

Series Masterlist | Navigation

You sat at your desk, phone set up for a video call with Seonghwa. You felt nervous. Tomorrow is your graduation, where you'll finally be done with this aspect of your life and will be moving onto the next step. Despite the distance, you and Seonghwa were as close as ever. You both missed each other dearly but talked as frequently as possible. 

You were a little sad that he and the rest of Ateez couldn't make it to your graduation, but you understood why. You didn't have much hope when you told Hongjoong the date and he told you he'd ask if they could. You tried to tell him not to ask since you knew they would be busy with an upcoming comeback, but he insisted he'd try. He talked to you the next night saying they had a packed schedule for that week and couldn't. You figured as much but it still made you a little sad.

You hear the tone for the video call and you quickly answer it with a smile. You see Hwa sitting there, but not in his room. You couldn't quite figure out where he was. He seemed to be wearing a loose sweater and a pair of glasses frames.

"Hello, jagiya." Seonghwa smiled sweetly, he seemed tired.

"Hello, love." You respond. "How are you? You seem a little tired."

"The week has been busy."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Are you currently at a schedule?" You tilt your head. You see him look off to the side. You can see that he seems to be hiding something, but you figure it was because he couldn't talk about anything specific related to any of the filmed comeback videos.

"Yeah, we are staying at a hotel. We are going to start filming soon." He sighs. "It was a last minute decision since filming took longer than expected yesterday. I wish I could tell you everything that went wrong but I can't."

"I'm sure it'll go better today, love."

 "Thank you, jagiya. But enough about me, jagiya, how are you? Are you excited for tomorrow?"

"A mix of excited and nervous. Excited to have my degree... nervous for whatever comes next. Nervous about walking across that stage to get that empty diploma case and not having a solid next thing waiting for me." You press your lips together and glance over to your cap and gown hanging in your open closet. The whole ordeal almost seems daunting now. "I've applied for jobs in my field but I haven't heard anything back... I doubt any will get back to me when I am fresh out of university."

"I wish I was there with you, (Y/N)." He looked into the camera with a concerned expression. "You'll exceed at whatever you do. I know you will. You are smart and very determined."

"It's probably just all the nerves." You chuckle weakly.

"Just know myself and the others are cheering for you, even if we can't be there. Which, we are still sorry for by the way."

"Don't worry about it. I'll have my family film my walk across the stage and we will take lots of pictures to send to you all."

"We look forward to it." He smiles. You hear a door opening and what you believe to be Hongjoong's voice. You couldn't make out what he said but you saw Seonghwa nod before hearing the door close. "Sorry, (Y/N), I have to go. We need to get ready for filming today."

"Don't apologize, love. You got this. I'm sure you will do great." You smile and you can just tell some of the stress he was feeling dissipate. 

"I love you, jagiya." He says softly.

"I love you too." There is some hesitancy to hang up but you bit the bullet and pressed the little red button on the call. You sigh, but feel lighter. It was like talking to Hwa helped calm your worries.

---

You stood with your family for a moment before you needed to join the rest of the graduating students. You stood with them in your cap and gown and a nice outfit underneath. You couldn't help but wring your hands together. You weren't necessarily nervous, but you did feel a little anxious from the excitement now. You felt you childhood best friend place their hand on your shoulder and they give you a calm smile.

"It's going to be fine, (Y/N)." They gently squeezed your shoulder. "I doubt you'll trip, so don't worry."

"Well I wasn't worried about tripping until now." You groan. "I'm not nervous. I just... can't stay still."

"Oh (Y/N), it's okay to be nervous." Your mother coos, rubbing small circles into your upper back. "Just think about the surprise we have planned for you."

"Surprise?"

"Hun, you weren't suppose to mention that." Your father chuckles. 

"I thought I told you all I needed was just a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant." You say softly. "I hope you didn't spend too much-"

"Don't worry about it. We wanted to get you something for such a big day." Your father grinned. You were going to argue back but heard the call for graduating students to start getting in place for the ceremony.

"Make sure to film my walk please!" You said and they nodded. Your family and your best friend gives you one last hug before you go to where you were supposed to, while they went off to grab seats.

You take a deep breath as you find your spot in line with the rest of your majors getting the same degree level as you and your roommate, who also was graduating alongside you. You smiled at some of your classmates you were friendly with and chatted with them. You were given a slip of paper with your name on it by one of your professors and you were left to wait for the ceremony to start. 

You felt your phone buzz under your gown. You were glad you picked something to wear underneath with pockets. You manage to get your phone out and you smile. All of Ateez were wishing you well and saying their congrats. San even sent a selfie of them all together, which they said was taken after they finished filming. You were glad they messaged you and made sure to tell them to get some rest since it was around 6am for them.

The line you were in started moving so you quickly put your phone away and started walking with your line. You can hear lots of chatter from other graduating students and could hear the chatter from people in the stands. You and the others stood still until you heard one of the deans call you guys to enter. You hear the crowd cheer as the graduating class enters the area. You tried to pinpoint your family and your best friend but had no luck finding them in the sea of people. You take your seat and wait for the rest of the graduate students to also take their seats as the stereotypical graduation march song plays.

The song ended when everyone was finished sitting down. Next were speeches by the college president, a provosts, and a dean whom you never personally interacted with, and then two professors spoke; one is the chair of your major which made you smile. Next were student speeches, neither person you recognized.

You gulp, watching as the rows ahead of you go up one by one as they were instructed by a professor to do so. There was the constant noise of clapping with each name, followed by a few people loudly cheering for whoever just got called. You clapped along as well, watching each person receive their diploma case from the college president and walk to the side to get their picture taken professionally.

Next thing you knew the people in your row started to stand. You quickly got to your feet and follow along to the stage. You wait, taking small steps as person by person hands over their name slip and walk the stage. You were getting closer and closer to the speakers stand.

Then, it's your turn.

You made conscious steps to the speaker, not wanting to trip. You hand them your name card and wait as the person ahead finished crossing the stage. The speaker smiled and read your name into the microphone. You start walking across stage to the president as the crowd clapped.

You hear loud cheers coming from the stand on the other side of the stage, more than what you were expecting from the three people there seeing you graduate. You finally see your parents and your best friend up on their feet, your dad and friend shouting loudly. But in the row in front of them, you see eight figures also on their feet shouting as loud as they can. Immediately you can tell it is Ateez. Even with face masks, different hats, and inconspicuous clothes, you could tell they were your boys. Plus, you can easily tell Wooyoung and Mingi's voices as they were the loudest and most distinct.

A large smile broke out on your face as you kept your tears at bay. You walked the stage with your head held high. You shook hands with the college president and took hold of the diploma case. You walked to the end of the stage and carefully took the steps down. You got your picture taken and you started walking back to your seat.

You look up at the stand when you heard your name shouted repeatedly by Wooyoung, San, and Seonghwa. Each member of Ateez waved as you walked by and you made sure to wave back. You felt pure happiness in the moment.

---

When the ceremony ended and all the graduates exited the way they walked in, you immediately started making your way outside. Your parents texted saying they were waiting for you by the large oak tree. You weave your way through the sea of students and their families as fast as you could. You could see the top of the tree but you knew the trunk was still some distance away from where the ceremony was held. 

You finally breach the crowd and see your parents, your best friend, and Ateez, along with their manager. They spotted you and called your name. You immediately quickened your pace.

Wooyoung held out his arms for a hug but you passed him and immediately clung to Seonghwa. The tears you held back immediately fell as you hugged him.

"Y-You're here! I can't believe you're here! Hongjoong said you guys were busy. You said you-" You rapidly spoke.

"Slow down, jagiya." Seonghwa chuckles. He held you tightly and rubbed your back. 

"Sorry, my love." You sniffle and look to his face. Despite the black mask covering his nose down to his jaw, you can tell he has a big grin on his face. He moves a step back from you, resting his hands on your jaw. The pads of his thumbs swipe away your tears gently. "I'm so happy to see you in person again."

"I'm happy too." He carefully guided you to turn around so he could move back in front of you, his back to the crowd. He pulls down his mask and leans in, his soft lips meet yours in a loving kiss. You couldn't help but smile against his lips as it felt like world around each of you melted away. You both slowly pulled away but kept your faces close. "Congratulations. I am so proud of you, (Y/N)." He whispers and kisses each cheek, making you giggled. 

"Congratulations, (Y/N)!" Wooyoung broke the moment of peace between you both as he pulled you into a big hug. You tilt your head back and laugh, all while there rest of Ateez swarmed you for their own hugs. Your face ached from how much you were smiling.

"Seonghwa contacted us a week after you had us do that video call with him." Your mother started to explain. You remember that day well, feeling nervous for your parents to meet your long distance, idol boyfriend. But they immediately loved him and exchanged contact information; mostly just in case you got in an emergency so they could inform him. Subsequently, of course, your parents met the rest of Ateez. "They wanted to surprise you and here they are."

"Sorry I lied to you, (Y/N)." Hongjoong laughed, his smile telling you he was anything but apologetic. "Yuhno suggested the idea of it being a surprise when I ran into him before I talked it over with our company. So really, blame him."

"Hey, you could of said no, Joong-hyung." Yuhno playfully glared then set his sights on Seonghwa. "Didn't you initiate the call with her parents?"

"Yes, but Sannie and Woo also sat in on the call too." Seonghwa shot back. The group delved into a big, non-serious argument of who is to blame for the lies. You shook your head with a chuckle and went to your parents.

"Thank you for arranging this." You hug them both tightly.

"Of course, (Y/N). We could see how happy you were when we met him and how yourself you were with the rest of the group, so we knew we had to put this together for you somehow." Your father had a big smile on his face, you could see tears in his eyes. "Oh, my child is all grown up..."

"I've been grown up, dad. Don't cry, you're going to make me cry again." You chuckle, feeling that sting of tears again in your eyes. You feel arms wrap around you from behind and you knew immediately it is Seonghwa. "Did you guys settle who's fault it is, love?"

"No, but it seems everyone puts the blame back on Hongjoong." He laughs. He smiles at your parents and gives them a polite bow of his head. The rest of Ateez joined back up with your parents and your best friend. They started discussing dinner plans, you jumping in when needed for translation help.

Your smile doesn't leave your face as you lean back into Seonghwa. You could have just cheap take out with everyone and you'd be happy.

---

You said goodbye to your parents and best friend when everyone arrived back at your apartment after dinner. They wanted to let you have some time alone with Ateez. Your parents managed to reserve a private space at a great restaurant ran by a friend of your mother's. The manager went to buy snacks and drinks for the rest of you guys for tonight at a near by convenience store.

"Wow you have a nice place, (Y/N)." Yeosang compliments as he looks at the various decorations and how you and your roommate placed the minimal furniture.

"Thanks, it was a collaborative effort with my roomie. Which, be as loud as you guys want. She won't be in for a few nights since she'll be staying with her family." You smile and turn go to put leftovers from dinner in the fridge, missing the way everyone looked towards Seonghwa. "How long are you here for?"

"Just the rest of tonight. We fly back early in the morning tomorrow. We may have pulled this off but we still have busy schedules coming up." Jongho answers.

"Sorry we can't stay longer." San sighs with an apologetic smile.

"No worries, I'm happy you guys made it for today." You grin and move to sit next to Hwa on the couch, immediately leaning against him. "So I take it you guys flew in last night? Is that why you were actually in a hotel, love?"

He chuckles and nods, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. His fingers gently traced patterns on your arm. "I'm glad we got to witness this."

"Of course, I'd do the same for you guys."

"Well, if you would..." Mingi smiles as he walks in front of you, holding out several small pieces of paper for you. You gingerly take them, and look at everyone with confusion and curiosity as they surrounded the couch. Wooyoung took his spot next to you and rested his chin on your shoulder, aka, on Seonghwa's hand.

"Oh my God." You gasp as you look at each paper. They chuckled at your shock. There were several plane tickets; one to South Korea, a round trip ticket to Japan and then back to Korea, and then one back home. The next paper was a pass for the waterbomb festival coming up.

"We will email you the actual virtual tickets soon." Wooyoung said with a big grin.

"A graduation present from us and our manager." Seonghwa kissed your temple.

"This had to be so expensive..."

"Don't worry about it at all. We didn't have to pay for the waterbomb ticket and we all chipped in for the flights." Yuhno said softly from behind the couch. You felt his hand pat the top of your head a few times. There was a knock at the door and the tallest went to open the door for their manager,  who came in with two, black plastic bags and one backpack. You quickly got up to your feet and approached him with a smile.

"Thank you for all you have done."

"I should thank you for helping me keep them in line." He chuckles and hands you the plastic bags. He walks over to the couch and sets the backpack at Seonghwa's feet. "Remember, we have a flight back to Korea tomorrow. Don't drink too much. (Y/N), drink all you want."

Some time passed and everyone was lounging around in the living room of your apartment. Mingi, San, and Wooyoung took over the couch. Jongho, Yuhno, Yeosang, and their manager sat in chairs from the small kitchen table. You, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong were sitting on the floor, all while everyone watched a trashy, American reality show. You were sitting between Hwa's legs with your back against his chest while he rested against San's legs.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You fish it out and unlock it, seeing it was an email notification. You tapped the notification, though you didn't read what it was for, figuring it was a promotional thing or something. You looked up at the tv screen for a moment before taking a moment to read over the contents of the email.

Your eyes slowly widened with each line you read. You felt your heart flutter as you sit up straight. You felt Seonghwa's hands on your hips and he had a curious look on his face.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" He asks softly, trying not to draw everyones attention. He leans forward and you can feel his chest on your back again, his chin on your shoulder. You raise your phone screen up so he can have an easier time reading the email. You turn your head just enough to see his expression turn to one of shock. You felt him wrap his arms around your waist and hold you tight as a big smile broke out on his face. "Does... Does this mean...?"

"What's happening?" Sannie asked from the couch. He leaned forward as well and you pass him your phone. You can practically feel the excitement oozing from Seonghwa. San suddenly stood up, knocking into the eldest's back. He had a huge grin, his dimple prominent on his face. 

Wooyoung snatched your phone from San and you watched as his eyes scan over the screen. He then looks up at you with a big smile. "No way!"

"Care to share with the rest of us?" Mingi asked while Yeosang muted the channel. 

"Well-" San started to speak but then clasps his own hand over his mouth for a moment. He hands you back your phone and sits back down. He eagerly gestures for you to speak. You feel Hwa's hands gently squeeze your hips.

"A job I applied for contacted me and told me they were looking for fresh faces and say they see potential with my resume, my CV, and from my letters of recommendation." You beamed and everyone looked excited for you. A sea of congratulations soon followed. You kept your beaming expression and you see Hongjoong look at you.

"There is more, isn't there?" He asked, a smile growing on his face.

"The job is located in Seoul. And they are allowing me to start towards the end of the year to give me time to get my legal documents situated and to move." 

There was a moment of silence.

Then, your apartment became chaos with pure excitement. Seonghwa, Wooyoung and San already pledged themselves to help you find a place in your upcoming visit. Mingi and Yuhno express excitement for the prospect of staying over at your new place. Yeosang, Jongho, and Hongjoong already start to make plans for when you start living there. Everyone decides to have one more drink to celebrate, their manager unable to say no to such an occasion.

---

You give each member a hug as they are about to leave for the night, saying your goodbyes. You move to hug Seonghwa but he sidesteps you and moves to stand behind you. You give him a confused look while the others chuckle.

"I'm staying with you tonight, jagiya." He pecked your cheek. The others say goodnight, their manager telling him to be read by 7am, and they all quickly leave. Now, it's just you and Seonghwa. 

"That's why he brought a backpack for you." You laugh and turn to face him. You place your hands on the back of his neck and raise a brow. "You've been nothing but surprises today. I really do appreciate it." 

"Of course. I'd do just about anything for you." He smiles sweetly and leans in to kiss you. Unlike the other kisses you two shared today, this one was longer and more passionate. You can feel his lips move against yours as he swipes his tongue along your bottom lip. You smile against the kiss. Before you could part your lips, he pulls away with a flirtatious look. 

"I love you, love." He smiles at your words. He lifts his hand up and gently traces his fingers down the side of your face, sending shivers down your spine. His arms wrap around your body and he keeps you pressed against him.

"I love you too, jagiya." He brings you into another intense kiss, his tongue invading your mouth this time. You feel his fingers curl in against your back, all while your hands find themselves in his hair. He breaks the kiss once more but rests his forehead against yours. "Would you like to celebrate a little more? We don't have to go further than this-"

"I would love to." You grin. You move from Seonghwa's grasp and take his hand, pulling him to your bedroom.

The second you closed the door, Hwa is already guiding you to your bed. He lays you down on your back while he crawls over you, his lips pressed against yours. His hands grip your hips before he starts to slide them under your shirt. He shifts his leg, placing it between your thighs. His knee is just barely brushes against your core. His hands start to gently kneed your breasts over your bra.

Seonghwa starts to trail tender kisses down from your mouth to your neck. You smile at the affection and you place a kiss of your own on the top of his head. He smirked against your neck as he gently bites your skin. You feel him shift his leg that was between your legs, applying a small amount of pressure against your cunt. You let out a soft noise from the sensation and you can feel yourself growing wetter and wetter.

You move one your hands down to the growing bulge in his pants. Seonghwa chuckled and sat up, taking your hand off him.

"Tonight is all about you, jagiya." He smiled softly. He took hold of both your wrists in his hand and held them above your head. "Let me worship you."

You felt a pleasant shiver down your spine again and you nod. Hwa let go of your hands and began kissing your neck again. This time his kisses and bites to your neck were more intense. You knew for sure you would have a couple of marks there. He released his hold on your wrists but you kept your arms about head. Your body is completely at his mercy and that had you excited.

You felt him press his leg against your aching core again and this time you rolled your hips to seek pleasure, causing yourself to moan.

"Good, jagiya." Seonghwa chuckles as he moves his face by your ear. You feel his lips brush against your ear before he gently nips it. He sat up and helped you up as well.

He hums softly, tracing his nose along your face before he kisses you again. He gently nibbles your bottom lip and stares deeply into your eyes. Hwa licks his lips as he leans down and scans your body with his eyes. You feel his hand take hold of your shirt and slowly lift it up and off your body. His fingers nimbly unclasps your bra and he tosses it off your body. 

Seonghwa's hands caress and gently squeeze your breasts, the pads of his thumbs were on your nipples as he rubbed small circles with them.  He hummed with a smile. "I missed these."

You chuckle softly. "You missed my boobs?"

"Yes." He moves himself so his face his close to them. "I missed all off you, (Y/N). I missed your face, your touch, your taste... I missed seeing your smile in person, I missed hearing your laugh right beside me. I miss you."

"I miss you too Hwa." You give his cheek a tender peck. You bite your bottom lip as his hands still kneaded your breasts and his thumbs applied some pressure. "Luckily I got that job. I'll be a lot closer to you by next year."

"Still feels so far away." He whispers and starts kissing your chest. He bites the skin and sucks, doing this until he reached your nipples. His mouth encompasses the pebbled skin. You bring one of your hands up to his head and combed your fingers through his hair. He sucks and gently nibbles, his tongue rolling over your perked bud. He does this to both nipples for a few moments before pulling away, a line of saliva briefly hangs between his lips and your skin. "I want to try something, jagiya." 

"What do you want to try, love?"

"Would you want to sit on my face and let me pleasure you?" His question makes your face flush with heat. 

"You'd want to do that? Are-Are you sure you want me to sit on your face?" You can feel yourself getting more wet by the second.

"Of course." He smiles sweetly. He sits up straight so he can meet your eyes easily, his hands slide down and gently hold onto your hips. "Like I said, jagiya, I missed your taste and I think you will look breathtaking doing so... Do you want to try this out with me?"

"Then... I would like to." You bite your bottom lip and smile. His face broke out in a grin and he helped you off your lap. He moves to lay down as you slip off your pants and underwear. You move yourself up the bed near his head and carefully placed your leg on the other side of his head. His hands slid up from behind your thighs and your ass to hold your hips. You hovered over his face, looking down at him between your legs. You were a bit hesitant to lower yourself down though. "Are you sure-"

You didn't even get to finish your question when you felt Seonghwa pull you down to his mouth. Immediately his tongue went to work against you clit. You moan, one hand bracing yourself against the wall while you bury the fingers of the other in his dark hair. A vibrator certainly worked wonders, but there is something else about his tongue. He moved his up and down against your clit before moving it in circles clockwise.

"Hwa..." You say, almost sounding breathless. He simply hums and continues his ministrations with his tongue. He nuzzles his faces against your cunt and adjust his mouth so he could lap you up. Seonghwa's tongue briefly pushes against your clit and then you feel his lips wrap around your sensitive bud, gently sucking on it. Instinctively you bite your lip to hold back your moan, making him lightly slap your ass, not enough to hurt but to get a point across. He lifts you just enough to free his mouth so he could speak.

"You said your roommate is gone for the night?" He asks and you give him a quick 'yes.' You felt his lips curl into a smile. "Then don't hold back, jagiya. It's just us."

You feel his tongue move against you again in all the right ways, making you moan again. You didn't hold it back this time and you could tell Hwa is pleased with that. He shifted underneath you and he buries his face into your cunt, he continued to gently suck and swirl his tongue around your clit. His ministrations had you squirming, slowly rocking your hips against him, and you were making all sorts of noises. 

"Seonghwa..." You whimper. You speaking his name in such a manner had him groan in pleasure. You feel him shift yet again, his grip on your hips firm. His tongue is off your clit and you feel his tongue swirl around your entrance. He penetrates you and thrusts with his tongue while his nose brushed against your swollen bud. His mouth is working wonders on your and you can feel yourself getting closer to an orgasm. Hwa doesn't relent, keeping the pleasure going and keeping you relatively still with his hands holding onto your hips. "Fuck... Hwa I'm-!"

Your walls fluttered around his tongue. You feel your thigh muscles tighten and they press against his head. A loud noise of pleasure leaves your lips as you throw your head back. Hwa squeezes and lightly massages your hips as you climax, his tongue slowly slides out from your hole and gently licks your cunt. He waits a few moments before gently guiding you off his face. You lift a leg and sit next to his head, your back against your headboard. 

Seonghwa quickly got up, licking his lips clean of your juices though his chin and nose still shined with your climax. He sits next to you and his hands caress your legs. He smiles at you, a look of satisfaction on his face, while you came down from your orgasm. 

"You have a little something on your face." You giggle and gesture around your own chin and nose. He chuckles and you watch as he swipes his fingers over his skin and then lick them clean.

"Better?" He whispers with a slight smirk. You can tell he was trying to be sexy but he still had some of your cum on him. You giggle softly making him blush and chuckle.

"Here, hold on for a moment." You get up from the bed and head out of your room to your bathroom. You grabbed a clean wash cloth, dampened it with some water, and returned to your bedroom. You hand Seonghwa the cloth and he gives you an appreciative smile, his cheeks and ears dusted with a subtle pink. You sit back down as he cleans off his face. He sets the cloth on your nightstand and looks back at you.

You watch as Seonghwa gets off the bed. His eyes scan your body with a smirk. Slowly, he took off his shirt and slid off his pants and boxers. Both of you were completely nude and you can see just how turned on he is. Hwa gets back onto your bed and gets right up to you, his face mere inches from yours.

"I love you so much, (Y/N)." He whispers. His hand comes up and gently caresses your jaw and neck.

"I love you too, Seonghwa." You smile at him, your tone soft and full of love. He smiles back and presses his lips against yours. His kiss is tender this time around. His hand cradles the back of your head to keep you in place, but you know you don't want to pull away in this moment. Your fingers graze the skin of his bare chest. You slowly brought them up to his collarbones and then his neck.

"Hmm, I want to take this all the way, jagiya." He pauses for a moment as his eyes look down at your body and then back at your face. He smirks. "I want to hear all those lovely noises you make."

"If I get to ride you, my love." You say in a sensual tone. His smirk crumbles to a flustered look at your suggestion, but he still smiles regardless.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes." You nod and he bites his bottom lip. Seonghwa moves and sits down, his back against the headboard now. You grin, moving to stand on your legs before you throw your leg over his lap, effectively straddling him. His hands are once again on your hips as he pulls your body against his. He has a lustful and excited smile on his face.

"Condoms? I brought some-"

"No, it's fine. I trust you and I'm still taking birth control." You smile.

You reach behind and grab the shaft of Seonghwa's cock. You carefully drag his tip through your wet folds to tease him a little. You line him up to your entrance and look at his face. He gives a small nod for you to continue and you do so. You slowly lower yourself down, languidly taking him inside you. You both let out a soft moans. You sat in his lap, your hands grip his shoulders, while his cock fully inside you and you take a moment to savor the feeling.

"Ah, you feel so good, jagiya." Seonghwa mumbles, his lips barely brush against yours. You can feel his hot breath but you didn't care. His eyes were half-closed as he stared deeply into yours. You can feel his hands caressing your hips, thighs, and ass. His length twitches inside and you can tell he is full of anticipation for you to start moving. Hwa gives you a sweet smile, which contrasts with the current, steamy situation. "Take your time. You have control right now until you want me to take over."

"Thank you, love." You whisper softy and peck his lips. You wait a full two minutes before you started moving. You take a slow and steady pace, your thigh muscles flexing as you raise yourself up and down on his cock. Seonghwa's hands firmly held your hips yet he made no effort to control your movements, he simply assisted you so you wouldn't be doing all the work. 

"This feels nice." Hwa murmurs and leans his head down, his lips pressing against your neck. You feel his teeth graze your skin and he gently nips at your neck.

"Feels s'good." You moan softly. You rock your hips at a pleasurable pace. It is a very sensual moment between you both. It was just you and him, nothing else mattered. He raised his head from your neck and pressed his forehead against yours. He looked at you with pure adoration and love. His hands slide to your lower back and then moved up to your shoulder blades. You feel his arms against your sides as he hugged you close to his chest. You still moved your hips at a slow pace. 

This is a moment of passion and pleasure, but also a moment of love and bliss.

You sunk all the way down on him and gently grind your hips against him, feeling pleasure come from your clit grazing his pubic mound. Seonghwa smiles at you, enjoying how you look getting yourself off on him. He kiss your cheek and his lips linger to you skin for a few moments. You feel his fingertips press into your back and rub small circles on your skin.

You returned to moving yourself up and down on his cock. You increased your speed, sometimes focusing on his tip and then rotating to taking him all the way. Regardless  of what you did, he was moaning and groaning at all your movements. His hands were back on your hips as you leaned away from him with your hands gripping his shoulders. You both wanted to see your faces.

You feel a coil-like sensation in your lower stomach as pleasure builds up again. Your breathing is harsh and deep, and you can feel your legs getting tired... but you wanted to keep going. Seonghwa could see and feel how you your stamina is waning. He smiles sweetly and leans forward to capture your lips in a passionate yet short kiss.

"Relax, jagiya." His voice is smooth and low. He holds your hips and stops your movements. Seonghwa then starts to thrust his hips up at a quick pace. A loud moan escapes your lips as you cling on to him. He leaned forward and nibbles on your neck while you feel one of his hands move from your hip to your pubic mound. Hwa pressed his thumb over your swollen clit and started rubbing circles.

"O-Oh, Hwa..." You whimper out. You feel that heat building up more and more inside you.

"Hng- You're amazing, (Y/N)."He moaned as well, moving his head away from your neck to stare at your face. You can see he was getting close to his own release by the erotic expression on his face. 

"I-I think... I'm going to cum again." You whisper, feeling that all too familiar feeling crawl up your legs. You looked at him with all the love you could muster. The intimacy and intense feelings all added to your impending orgasm. The way the head of his cock hit that sweet spot inside you just right and his thumb swirling and applying the correct amount pressure sent you over the edge. You lean forward with your forehead against his as a loud whine leaves your mouth, your walls fluttering around his cock.

"(Y/N)-!" He groaned, still thrusting into your cunt. He stared intensely into your eyes, chasing his own climax. His breathing grows ragged and his thrusts became off rhythm. A moan tumbles from his lips as he sloppily kisses you, thrusting one last time. You feel his cock twitch inside you as his cum coats your walls. He keeps himself fully sheathed inside you as you both catch your breaths.

"Seonghwa..." You murmur, your body slumping against his, resting your head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around you and his hands gently grip the skin of your back. You feel his warm breath fan over the back of your neck as he leveled out his breathing. Seonghwa made a noise that sounded like a mix of a sigh and a moan as he rests his head against yours.

Neither of you said anything further. Seonghwa keeps his arms tight around you while you equally clinged to him. Nothing really needed to be said in this moment, the high emotions you both shared spoke enough.

Minutes passed when you finally speak up.

"We should probably clean up and get you to bed." You whisper to him, pulling your head back to look over this face.

"I want to stay like this, jagiya." He murmurs, placing his lips on your neck. "I feel so close to you like this... "

"I know, love, but we have to be up early." Hwa groaned at this, which makes you laugh.

"Stop being right."

"Come on... let's take a shower, Hwa." He reluctantly helps you off his lap, his softening length now out of you. You both get off from your bed and you lead him out your room to your bathroom. His hands remained on your waist as you both walked and then waited for the shower water to warm up. He didn't want to let go of you just yet.

After the shower and after drying off, you both go back into your room to change into comfortable clothes to sleep in. He laid down first, slipping under the covers. When you joined him, you laugh when his arms pulled you flush against his body. Seonghwa tucks your head under his chin and he holds you firmly in his arms. You chuckle and hold him just as tightly.

"I don't want to let go of you again... this feels like it's going to be harder than when you when you visited." He says with a sigh.

"I know, Hwa, I know." You mumble, already feel an ache in your chest. "Let's savor the rest of tonight together."

There is a pause.

"I love you, (Y/N)."

"I love you too, Seonghwa."

Morning came too fast your liking. You and Seonghwa awoke with your limbs practically tangled. His warmth despite the temperatures warming outside is comforting in the moment. You both reluctantly got dressed and made Hwa a light breakfast.

A little before 7am, Ateez and their manager came back over to pick Seonghwa up and of course came to say goodbye. You got an earful of teasing when they see the blemishes and marks Hwa left on your neck. You hugged each member and of course your hug lingered on Hwa, with you both gently caressing each other's backs for comfort.

Goodbyes were harder this time around, but you still had that ray of optimism due to your move to South Korea. It will be rough, but with Seonghwa, the rest of Ateez, and even their manager, you knew it would be a feat you'll overcome.

Your new horizon awaits you and your life with Seonghwa seems to be on the right track.

------------

Taglist: @stopeatread @hee0soo @tridkeys @pocketjoong-reads @seonghwaddict @lelaleleb @acciocriativity @h-nji

[drunk-on-dk]

Track 1: Hotel | Choi Seungcheol (m)

Track 1 - Hotel // Montell Fish - playlist linked here

Pairing: Heir!Choi Seungcheol x fem!reader Genre: SMUT (minors DNI), angst? w/c: ~3.1k (some change, barely proofread tbh) Summary: Old Money/Heir!Seungcheol can't help but invite you to his hotel room no matter how dangerous you are for him and his reputation.

Explicit Content - Minors DNI, Listeners 18+, NSFW Warnings Below

content warning: unprotected sex (stay protected pls); oral (male receiving); no specific pronouns used, but reader has female anatomy & wears a dress; degrading name (brat); bratty reader; dom!cheol; big dick!cheol; rough?cheol (pussy slapping, choking, makes the reader crawl); a bit of commentary on shitty businesses for the sake of minimal plot; secret hooking up lmao

a/n: lol this is the beginning of my playlist series and I just got so excited I couldn't wait to post! I hope you all enjoy it! As always, all feedback is appreciated <3

“When I met you in that hotel room

I could tell that you were so bad news

But I keep messing with ya, messing with ya

And now you messing with me, messing with me”

Seungcheol knew you were bad news when he first met you in ECON 101 his first year of university. You had plucked his pen right out of his fingertips with a devilish smirk on your lips and continued to scribble your number down on his hand without a second thought after he had been assigned as your study partner for the semester.

Admittedly, you were very attractive to Seungcheol the moment he laid eyes on you in the lecture hall. However, he soon would find out you both lived very different lifestyles. Seungcheol was the son of a successful tech business tycoon; following in his father’s footsteps and only committing to majoring in business to please the demands of said father. You, on the other hand, were a stubborn, moral driven business major who scoffed upon finding out Seungcheol was next in line for a company that didn’t seem to care about their own employees. You sure gave Seungcheol an earful about his father’s company, in which Seungcheol was already aware of the scandals and fully agreed with all that you said, but he couldn’t admit that to anyone but himself.

Unfortunately for Seungcheol, you were painstakingly intelligent, and he swore he wouldn’t have made it through economics without your consistent help. Honestly, Seungcheol claimed he wouldn’t have made it to graduation without you being by his side for the next years to come.

Both of you resented each other in a way; Seungcheol wished to live a normal life and wished that he had half the wit you did, whilst you were envious Seungcheol blissfully lived his life with ease, not needing to lift a finger to get what he wanted. You turned a blind eye to it though, admitting that Seungcheol was smart and too kind in comparison to his hard exterior, and you believed he’d make a better CEO than his father one day. Maybe you could even keep his head on straight if you stayed by his side long enough.

Even though you were tons of help to Seungcheol in university, you had caused him plenty of problems outside of classes. You became an activist of sorts, using a platform that you had built online to speak out against companies that engaged in immoral acts. One of those companies being Seungcheol’s father’s company, quickly becoming a thorn in his father’s side upon your rapidly gaining popularity.

After university, Seungcheol found you at large business events, usually catching you conversing with important people in the industry, a pretty, stray hair framing your face as you’d scribble notes down in your journal. Later he’d spot you seated in the far corner of whatever gala it was you both were attending, a glass of champagne in hand as your sharp eyes observed the crowd, only softening when you’d spot Seungcheol.

Seungcheol’s father demanded he kept a low profile at these events, and you were a controversial figure. However, it was hard to stay away from you, even when he knew his father hated the impact your words had on his business and would curse him out for ever knowing you. Seungcheol somehow always found a way to chat with you, basking in your snarky comments and rants that you’d sneak in by the bar. You were such a pain in the ass for Seungcheol in many aspects, but he was inevitably drawn to you from the beginning.

Seungcheol knew he was screwed when he started routinely fucking you after these events, typically inviting you up to whatever expensive hotel he was staying in for the night. You’d chuckle condescendingly at the ridiculous penthouse, but Seungcheol knew you didn’t care all that much when your dress would suddenly pool around your feet, stripping for him after just a blink of his eye.

To Seungcheol’s dismay, the first time you two snuck away had been caught by the paparazzi, and it had ended up in a business journal, calling Seungcheol out for flirting practically with the enemy.

Not even the scolding Seungcheol received that day could keep him away from you though; he just had to be smarter from now on. He couldn’t deny you when only you knew exactly how to ease his tension after these events.

Maybe the forbidden aspect is what drew him to you as well, but Seungcheol knew damn well that he loved how much of a brat you were for him. He couldn’t lie that you turned him on every time you tore his father’s business apart, shivers running down his spine as you’d run your mouth to him all the way home, and smirking at the fact you’d even dare to say such a thing in a limo funded by his father’s business. How ironic.

You’d keep going back to him as well, knowing that your relationship with Seungcheol was not practical in the slightest, even if part of you fantasized about a life with him outside of all this business bullshit, but damn, did he give you good dick. It sure did a good job at lessening whatever stress you felt at the end of the night.

It became routine, Seungcheol would invite you to his hotel, you’d scoff at the ritzy interior, and he’d stare you down expectantly from the opposite side of the ridiculously big room.

“Are you going to be a fucking brat tonight, Y/N?” Seungcheol asks, his husky voice sending chills down your spine as you try to keep your cool. “Or will you strip and crawl to me like how I asked?”

“Bite me, Seungcheol,” you spit out, but you can’t stop your fingers from playing with the straps and zipper of your dress.

“You better watch what you ask for.” God, you love the way his voice deepened in tone, coercing you to follow his orders as he watches you with a bushy eyebrow raised expectantly, and throwing his suit jacket on the floor like it was trash.

You refuse to break eye contact with him as you strip down, loving the way his gaze would falter when your dress finally drops to the ground and soaking in the groan that escapes his lips once he notices you have no undergarments on.

Dropping teasingly to the ground, you fall to your hands and knees, continuing to keep your eyes locked on his as you slowly crawl across the room to him. Seungcheol begins to strip himself, pulling his belt off once you’ve made it halfway to him, and finally unbuttoning his pristine white shirt, revealing the fiery skin you’ve touched so many times underneath it.

Ultimately making it to Seungcheol’s feet, his thumb grabs your chin, forcing your gaze back up to his after making eye contact with the obvious bulge in his trousers. Sitting on your knees, you pull his thumb into your mouth, running your tongue around the digit and gliding your hands up his solid thighs.

“Oh,” you coo condescendingly, “did your in-staff pleat these pants for you? I’d hate to ruin the perfect ironing job, Cheol.”

This is what Seungcheol adored about you; loved that you found a way to dig into his lifestyle and had enough courage to call out how he was fed with a silver spoon every day. It’s also what enraged him, unbelieving that you still thought so lowly of him after all these years.

“God,” Seungcheol ran his free hand through his hair, flustered by your boldness and the way you continued to suck at his thumb between your words. “I think this brat needs their mouth stuffed.”

“I didn’t crawl all the way here for nothing,” you pout, pulling away from Seungcheol with a ‘pop,’ and starting to work at his pants button. Finally pulling down both his trousers and underwear, you couldn’t hold back your chuckle after coming face to face with his brooding, leaky tip. “Looks like you need help, Cheol.”

The groan that bubbled from his chest was feral as he grabs at your hair, a large hand pulling it into his grip before he lines his length up to your mouth. “Open.”

You didn’t mess with Seungcheol when he got this demanding, your lack of words being enough to egg him on as your jaw drops slack for him, wet tongue falling out eagerly as you wait for him to stuff your mouth full.

“Don’t tease me, Y/N,” he pouts, cherry-red lips matching your puffy ones while awaiting your final consent before inserting the tip of his head into your expecting mouth.

“Fill me, Cheol, ‘m hungry for your cock,” you mewl, giving him your best puppy-dog eyes as you grant him your final blessing. As much as Seungcheol was a little shit, he sure was respectful as hell, and you couldn’t deny the flutter in your heart every time.

Finally giving in upon your permission, Seungcheol shoves his length past your lips, groaning out in pleasure when his head hits the back of your throat, only gagging around him as it still took you some time to get used to his size and how rough he likes to be.

“Such a fucking pro, Y/N, such a good little brat for me.” It becomes messy so fast, immediately acclimating to Seungcheol as he uses your mouth for his own pleasure. Seungcheol becomes entranced with the way drool pools outside of your lips, his pleasure intensifying as you moan around him, tongue working at the underside of his head.

The grip he has on you drives you wild, the heat at your core becoming more prominent as he bucks into your mouth and guides your head as you thoroughly suck him off. When he pulls you off, the only thing that connects you to him was the string of saliva hanging from your swollen lips and his hardened cock.

“Going to finish so soon, Cheol? Did it feel that good?” You pout up at him, a patronizing tone enraging him as he pulls you up to eye level, a strong hand wrapped around your throat before he pulls you into a bruising kiss.

“You need to learn when to shut up, Y/N,” he moans into the kiss, feeling even dizzier when you roll your body against his, the warmth of your skin on his reminding him of how real you are.

“Never,” you refute, smiling against his lips before he begins to nibble down the side of your neck. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?”

“I know it all too well,” he chuckles into your neck, sucking tenderly and pulling the delicate skin between his teeth, being sure to leave a mark on you. “Seems like you still need to learn a thing or two.”

You don’t even have a chance to mutter another word before Seungcheol is diving down to your chest, drawing a gasp from you when he pulls your nipple between his teeth, sucking and nibbling harshly at the peak. You almost collapse, but his hold on you is strong enough to keep you flush against his body, a reminder of the hard erection pressed against your lower abdomen.

Finally gaining enough sense to play into Seungcheol’s game, you egg him on even more, “how will you ever teach me anything?”

This is enough to rile Seungcheol up, turning you around and bending you over the armrest of the couch next to you. Falling face first into the plush cushions, you barely have time to process the harsh slap against your pussy, legs nearly giving out as the cool air and remnants of string burn at your core.

“Will this bratty pussy take me well?” It’s Seungcheol’s turn to be arrogant, knowing he has the upper hand as he runs his pointer and middle fingers between your folds, gathering up your slick on his fingers. You know he gets a taste of you, hearing his lips smacking as he hums in approval. “As much as I’d love to get another taste, I think you need to be stuffed full elsewhere to learn a lesson. You don’t deserve my tongue tonight, Y/N.”

“Please,” you’re giving in and begging for him at this point. “Please teach me a lesson, Cheol. I’ve been a bad all night.”

“My brat,” he’s teasing from behind you, your body and inner walls instantly reacting as you feel his tip prod at your core, collecting enough of your wetness before pushing between your folds. The guttural groan he lets out has you pushing back, allowing for him to fill you until his hips encounter your ass and you’re both crooning in satisfaction, “Always know how to take me so well, like the good little thing you are. Not sure there is much of a lesson other than shutting that mouth of yours, which I can do by filling you to the brim.”

Unfortunately, he is absolutely correct, the only words escaping you are incoherent pleas as he begins to drag his cock out of you before shallowly thrusting inside of you again.

Seungcheol’s nails are digging into your hips as he slowly tries to regain his senses, the feeling of your pussy pulsing around his cock is already making him feel delirious. The only vice you have is the velvety fabric of the couch, your nails leaving trail lines in the luxurious fabric as you try to come to and adjust around him.

The pace he sets is immediately brutal, his hips crashing against yours as he begins to thrust in and out of you. The sound of your skin slapping against his is lewd, and a honeyed gasp is pulled from you with each snap of his hips.

You’re clenching so tightly around him he swears he could lose himself in you, a hand slapping against once your ass cheeks in frustration as your walls continue to suck him in so perfectly.

“Feel s’good, Y/N. This bratty pussy always proves to take me so well, how are you so damn tight all the time?”

You’re so breathless with your response that he barely even hears you, but he can’t hide the smirk that graces his features when you admit exactly what he wants to hear, “no one fucks me like you do, Cheol. Only you fill me so well, s’big and s’good.”  

“You always know exactly what to say, huh?” He’s pulling you back up by the neck now, fingers wrapping around you like a necklace as he props one of your legs up on the armrest, allowing for better leverage to fuck up into you.

You’re moaning pathetically at this point as he bullies his cock up into you, the friction of his head dragging between your walls so delightful, just like he’s made for you, and his actions arousing you even more. Seungcheol’s lips are all over your skin, leaving trails of saliva down the back of your neck and shoulder, his hot lips sending blissful shivers through your body and coercing your head to fall back into him. His fingers run across your chest, rolling your nipples between the digits as he whispers dirty, sweet nothings into your ear.

Eventually, his fingers make their way down your torso, thick pads meeting your swollen clit and drawing an embarrassingly loud cry from you. Seungcheol continues to thrust up into you, his head contacting your cervix in the most pleasurable way and winding up the hot coil inside of you even more.

It’s devastating how familiar he is with your body at this point, knowing you’re way too fucked out to even refute any of his words, and recognizing the tell-tale sign that you’re close to finishing as your walls pulse uncontrollably around him, legs weakening but he holds your entire body weight up with ease.

“Does my brat deserve to finish?” It’s so annoying the way he bites at your ear when he edges you closer and closer to your release, thumb circling your clit in a tantalizing motion and intensifying the heat burning in your core.

“I don’t know,” you bite back a moan, sick of the games he’s playing at this point and rolling your hips back to meet each of his thrusts. Seungcheol can’t help but chuckle as you try your best to talk back, “you tell me, Cheol? Did I do well?”

“You did so well until now,” he lets out a breathy sigh, pulling his fingers away from your throbbing clit, but it becomes a strained groan as you clamp down even tighter around his length.

Pathetically, you fall back down onto the couch, your own hips chasing his motions, grinding back into him all before you’re just about slamming your ass against him with each buck of his hips.

“Fuck,” he’s moaning out, calloused hands palming your ass and meeting you with each thrust, watching where he connects with you as his cock disappears into your pussy with each desperate plunge back into you. “I take it back, you did so well. So, so, so well.”

With that final praise, you’re falling apart on his cock, walls clamping down on him like a vice and trembling and crying from beneath him, muscles shaking as you feel your arousal shatter within you. Seungcheol is following suit, unable to hold himself back when you feel this good around him, letting rope after rope of his cum fill you just how you like it.

Seungcheol falls against your body, pounding chest meeting your back while he shallowly thrusts his hips into yours, milking the rest of both your orgasms and memorizing the whimpers that come from you as you begin to feel overstimulated.

Seungcheol’s a gentleman of course, treating you to a nice, hot bath in the jacuzzi sized large enough to fit an entire group, and tucking you into the silk sheets of the pretentious hotel. Even after this luxury treatment, Seungcheol can’t avoid the snarky comments you mumble before you drift off to sleep, which is so damn endearing that he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

Admittedly, it’s always disappointing when he wakes up the next morning and you aren’t there, even if Seungcheol knows it’s for the best. The note you leave with a water bottle and medication for his hangover is always enough to keep him hooked, your pretty handwriting reminding him to leave a good tip for the staff, a kiss mark of your lipstick as a signature and reminder of you.

God, you were bad news for him, but he’ll keep you around as long as he can. Even if that means just inviting you up to these damn hotel rooms for now.

[v1naco]

Okay hear me out

Simon Riley x reader but Venom AU.

Like Simon did go into the military but he left a couple years after when (I know this is not canon cause I love his family too much and my baby deserves happiness) his family gets attacked. They’re still alive (besides his father cause fuck that dude) but they got seriously injured.

The attack left him hurt mentally a lot and having to help them heal when he was struggling with his own things made it all worse. So when he went on a night walk he somehow comes across Venom and they bond(?I don’t know how to put it?).

Fast forward years later when his family is a lot better health wise, he uses catching bad guys and letting Venom eat most of them to blow off excess steam and as his therapy. He is out doing his regular shit eating bad guys and he comes across you getting robbed.

You just had a horrible day at work and just wanted to go home and sleep but this guy just had to choose you, a young woman a lone with her earbud(s) in and a backpack on her back walking past the opening of an alleyway at like 11pm.

You were too tired and smart to fight and decided to give the man what he wanted, money, but you only had $3.34 on you from tips and change. The man was pissed, but what is a woman in her last year of college supposed to have, a centurion card (Black Card)? You were living off of hard hours working in the restaurant industry and the scholarships you got to not go in dept after you graduate, even now. You were even an RA but tuition is still pricy.

Simon saw the squabble and knew you just needed some help, since the man just pulled a knife out, and you looked like you could just lay on the floor and sleep the next week away.

Simon (actually Venom) lands on the ground and politely, to the best of his abilities which is none, tells the man to hand back you your money and to walk away. The man argued saying he deserved it, you just wanted to walk away but as Venom took his first step out into the light the man grabs your arm and puts the knife to your neck.

Now you were not only pissed but scared, pissed that if this man slits your throat or puts you in the hospital it can ruin your chance at graduating, and after all those gruesome years of pain and suffering you did not want to redo a whole year. Scared because who wouldn’t be scared of a knife to your neck and the guy holding it looks like his off his rocker.

When you turned your head towards Simon, not only did he see the fear and anger in your eyes but he saw how beautiful you were, even as he could see the light sheen of sweat on you, your dirty hair, and the prominent eye bags you were carrying around, but he would call those bags gucci with how beautiful you looked still with no make up and the bad situation you got unlucky with.

When you saw him your eyes widened. Apparently the man had gotten more scared than you seeing the big black and dark gray mass. Shaped with a human complexion of a body but the head was obviously alien.

The man shoved the knife’s dull blade into your neck enough to draw a small line of blood. Though he didn’t get far enough to cut you deeper since Venom shot a tendril out and grabbed the mans arm. The man dropped the knife due to the pain radiating from his arm. Venom asked (really he threatened) the man to hand you back what he stole from you and he threw insults, calling you all sorts of names you wished to never be called by anyone.

Simon, and especially Venom, was in a happier mood today and would have let that man go with a very distinct warning, but those insults thrown at you slammed that “good day” door right on their faces. Simon believed that no words such as the ones he spoke, should be heard by your pretty ears, those pretty ears with all those pretty jewelry on every inch of them, dangling and reflecting the street and store lights off of the jewels.

Simon didn’t wish for you to see this next part but Venom liked your ear piercings and tattoos and was getting very cranky and wished to take a bite of that man’s head. Simon couldn’t stop Venom in time and the next thing you notice is the blood and the top part of the man’s cervical vertebrae sticking out.

You were a wide eyed doe right then and there. With your hand on your mouth not trying to breath anything around you in. Venom then turns and asks if you’re alright. He was sorry you had to see it, you just nodded and continued to look at the body, slowly and weirdly getting used to it the more you stared at it. You believe you should take a break from all those movies and shows that has a lot of gore in it, believing that your reaction to this situation is not normal.

With how you reacted, and noticing you not shaking much at all anymore, Venom strikes up a conversation with you, much to Simon’s protest. He noticed the accent and figures out that you are not originally from the area, definitely from a different country. As seconds pass, Venom and Simon like you more and more. Asking to walk you home to make sure you are okay, Venom changes back to Simon and he walks you home. You’re much too surprised and still very much so tired and don’t try to fight him on his request to walk you home. But you enjoy the silence between you both, it was calming and you didn’t need to listen to music to fill that silence for once.

When he reached your home he wished you a safe and well night. You stop him real quickly, asking if you could do anything for him to repay him for helping you. He said he didn’t need anything from you. Just as he was turning to walk away you ask to at least cook him a mean sometime, him AND Venom of course, remembering that Venom said that that man’s head was not tasty and he was still hungry.

Simon did not wish to bring you into his pain filled life, but he wished to be selfish for once for his own happiness and with that Simon agrees. He walks away with one lesser bad guy on the streets and with a new number in his contacts, ready to set up a dinner with the woman he knew would later marry.

Anyway thats my little thought of a Simon Riley Venom AU. I did’t specify an age of the reader cause people are different ages during their college/university years and some people go to school for more than the regular 2-4 years. But I was thinking Simon would be about around 25 while the reader is around 22/23 but can be older, maybe even 21 if you want her to be, but nothing under cause those specific age gaps weird me out.

I also did not specify his and her appearance or what she wears bc I don’t really care but if I did I would say more so jeans, converse, and t-shirt with maybe a zip up type style. I do love a girly with many piercings and tattoos though so I wanted to put it in there.

Anyway…sorry Im a d1 yapper😔. I just thought a simon+venom au would be perfect and he would fit the role of Eddie so well. Especially with the motorcycle ugh creaming rn😩. Ehem. Do with this how you want but I do hope that if you do use this please tag me. Maybe give me credits for this idea since I have not found anything like this anywhere if you want. But yeah if someone writes this PLEASE TAG ME. I write for shit so I definitely am not.

[xoxodivine]

ACADEMIC RIVALS | FUSHIGURO MEGUMI x READER

summary: reader is annoyed particularly after their classmate megumi copies their answer. they have a rivalry that carries into high school, something shocking is revealed about megumi

content warnings: light n' slight cursing, reader is lowkey petty and a bully, first story ever type writing

NEW SCHOOL, Same bullshit. Same lame ass teachers that think they know every damn thing, Same students forced to be in a legal prison for 7 hours straight, Same assignments that take longer to finish than the class, and same stupid icebreaker questions no one cares about. It is only your third or fourth year in elementary school, and you already want to graduate college. Maybe if you're smart enough I can graduate extremely early and leave this school that's full of sh- "We're waiting for your answer" You spaced out again? that's like the fifth time today "I'm sorry, what was the question?" You were so wrapped up in your thoughts about graduating you forgot to listen for your name for icebreaker questions.  

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Easy question. "A doctor" It has been your dream career since you were 5. You've always wanted to be a doctor for as long as you can remember, it was the reason you pushed so hard in school despite being in the third grade. "Wow, our first doctor! Wonderful choice." You felt special that you were the only person who said you wanted to be a doctor. It was granted since most people in the class had stupid answers like "A fairy princess" or "A dog". Yeah, the kids in your class were that dumb. "Ok, last person. Megumi, what do you want to be when you grow up?"  

Megumi? That's a dumb name. He wasn't difficult to spot because anytime someone's name was called the whole class would stare at them. He looked like he wasn't paying attention at first, looking out the window. He was the supposed "smart kid" of the class. Not smarter than you of course but to you he just looked quiet. He also looks like he would pick his nose to be honest but hey, don't judge a book by its cover? He stuttered as he spoke, "uhm...uh a doctor?"  

Who does this kid think he is? He just stole your answer. You just heard this kid speak and you’ve already decided he’s your biggest enemy. “Oh, now there’s two doctors in the class.” No there’s not. This wannabe will never be a doctor. He wishes he was me. “Alright class, take out your notebooks and we’ll start the lesson for today.” You turned to look at him with a stank face which doesn’t go unnoticed by him. He furrows his eyebrows at you in confusion and you mouth to him “I hate you.” 

And that’s all it took for your rivalry to start. It was always a competition with the two of you. Although Megumi was a smart kid, you were smarter. For example, he might know grass is green, but you knew it was chlorophyll that made it green. He could be able to the time on a digital clock, but you could tell the time with an analog clock with roman numerals.  

After that day in third grade, you’ve both spoken 264 words to each other within the years you guys have known each other. A few exchanged that time you bumped into each other in the hallways which was dismissed with a “Oh, my bad” and “Watch where you’re going”. The other 254 being when you had a science project with him which your teacher conveniently paired the both of you together. 

 Was this “rivalry” really because he said he wanted to be a doctor back in the third grade? Sadly yes. You both are in your first year of high school and you still haven’t let it go. But in all honestly, Megumi hopes you don’t let it go. Before your rivalry, he never really felt a reason to go above and beyond in school. If he had A’s and B’s, he was set for the year. However, you pushed him to do better, seeing as you were always competing. He does think the reason this started is stupid. But he wouldn’t have it any other way.  

The reason for that isn’t just because of his grades improving, It’s also because he’s madly in love with you. 

xoxodivine©

[inchidentally]

https://x.com/charlclerc/status/1749478427239891090?s=20

I think someone here missed the sight of a soaked Oscar <3

ok so big shock!! I'm gonna use this sweet little morsel of Lando pausing in his remaining winter break to look back on that glorious day

to create an absolute smorgasbord of what Suzuka meant to him and to Oscar

I've edited together the most chewable parts of the post race press conference tho tbh it's mostly just removing the parts where Max tries his best to put a slight new twist on answering the exact same questions as last weekend lgflajsg.

so at the start I love the little private smile Lando and Oscar share when Max's fanfare is going on - it gives me a little rueful but also slightly creepy twinning vestal virgins au like are we going to destroy him Lando? yes we are going to destroy him Oscar

(I AM NOT BEING SERIOUS IT'S JUST JOKES).

which is even funnier with what Max leads into about seeing these two goddamn McLarens sandwiching him and for a split second thinking ah so they want to destroy me? oh dear. like Max is very at home on that couch but the presence of these two creatures sharing covert smiles with each other has him (and probably a lot of that room) uneasily wondering if that's all y'know, normal and above board? they're not like... witches, right? haha. crazy!

and I think the cool meticulous way Lando treats his own performance is a really good example of how (in my opinion!) his self-flagellation does need to be reeled in because he's never the sort to be soaring high enough to compensate for those lowest lows. for a while I was undecided but honestly I agree with Martin Brundle, Jenson Button and Oscar who've said (in different ways and indirectly from Oscar) that Lando is far too level-headed and race smart to be hanging his own tender hide out like he does. I so appreciate how measured he was in self-approval over his back to back podiums and no one's asking him to get cocky, but I'd really love to see him match this approach to when he struggles as a driver (and not just a car issue which was the case pre Silverstone).

contrast that with Oscar discussing his own self-criticisms of the weekend but equally saying he'll still relish the maiden podium. and crucially that he can fairly put at least part of his struggles - which he was also meticulous about - down to this being his first time racing at Suzuka. an anon sent an ask about Andrea praising Oscar specifically for his performance there and you can really feel the influence Andrea has had throughout the season on Oscar. because before Silverstone, Oscar had a tendency to monotone lowness and disappointment in himself that bordered dangerously on bitterness and maybe even a fear/doubt of how his rookie season would indeed turn out? but Andrea's approach of optimism, faith in teamwork and specifically in making sure Oscar was looked after while Lando naturally performed so much better, absolutely sank in.

and it makes sense that Oscar as a rookie has so much more mental plasticity when it comes to outside influence - and says a lot about Andrea's leadership too. it's where I wish Lando could have had Andrea as principal from day one too. bc understandably, Lando has graduated to that level of knowing himself so well as a driver relative the drivers around him that there's an existing almost prejudice about himself that the people in charge of guiding him have to overcome.

literally everyone who knows and who matters has said how similar Lando and Oscar are in terms of their approach to the car and their dedication to the team. and I know Andrea has shielded Lando in his own way by saying that it's a champion's mentality to have as much passion and emotion as Lando does. but - and this is honestly such a great piece about Andrea go read it and thank you again to @mecachrome for repping him so much - he also emphasized the positivity that was so crucial to pushing the team through those awful early races. I don't at all blame Lando for getting a bit grim toward himself at times thinking not only about that first race win but also the championship. but I also really hope that between Andrea and Oscar (source: Lando himself!) he can use the lifts of his highs to not sink so low anymore.

skipping back to around the minute mark when Lando says how much more this second place means to him than Singapore because of the double podium and also because of his own performance being better. not to get too ~contentious~ but this is why I really have needed the Singapore high to wear off as fast as it did for Lando when people are discussing Lando's 2023 as a driver and not as part of a ship. absolutely still revel in it in an rpf sense! but like, real life Lando is intensely loyal to his team and y'know what else? he's intensely loyal to loyalty. which is precisely what Oscar has been proving to McLaren since signing that pre-contract the summer before. it took an entire court case for Oscar to get to McLaren and he was met with a wall of hate coming from three sides. comment sections were filled with people celebrating McLaren's 2023 initial struggles and vilifying Oscar for how much he was costing them (in every sense) for paying out Daniel. and it was the Suzuka weekend when Oscar agreed immediately to extend his contract further.

Lando had a front row seat for all of that once the season started. and considering how few races Oscar's dad and Lily were able to make due to being on the other side of the world and final year of school respectively, Oscar spent a fair amount of that time getting to grips with being in F1, and the particular pressure and stress from media and fans, largely alone in terms of a private life. so it says so much about how well he was repaid by the team and also by Lando for keeping his cool and putting in the extra hours and keeping the faith.

and around 2 mins "we have two drivers up fighting for those positions" "we can help one another and use one another". that tandem the two of them have achieved before the season is even over was largely formed when the car was fighting against them. as was the case with Carlos and then Daniel and truly every other F1 driver, Lando did NOT have to intervene or take on a specific responsibility toward Oscar. F1 drivers aren't pack animals, they move through their careers alone and are happy if they can be buddies with their partner. so to see Lando as the number one show faith in Oscar and stand up for him and receive that trust and faith in return is so unique. Lando controlled that as much as Andrea did - maybe even more considering how he says he feels Oscar is so similar to him in a lot of ways. it's not uncommon for charismatic guys like Lando, Carlos and Daniel to make friends with their team mate.

but I think the whole "Lando effect" thing has actually been a huge disservice to what Lando has put into the partnership with Oscar. in this interview early on in the season, he says how Oscar is really quiet and that it's just how most people are in their first year and "we'll change him". but as we've seen, Oscar didn't end up changing and funnily enough the hanging out he and Lando do off the track has been as private and only alluded to as the rest of Oscar's private life. Lando got a lot of Oscar on his camera (again, a lot we haven't gotten to see yet) but really there was no big transformation in terms of Oscar becoming one of the charismatic personalities of the grid. and yet he and Lando only got closer and more supportive of each other in all the ways that matter to a partnership. so I think it's a much bigger credit to Lando that he learned to understand Oscar's personality better and still found ways to establish that sense of trust and loyalty without a bromance or a bunch of common interests to act as glue.

when they do that slightly eerie, intense active listening when the other is speaking, it's them having a synchronicity that has nothing to do with how guys usually bond. (that's why my vestal virgins au yes I know it's weird)

Lando wasn't in any position of power for any of that to be relevant with Carlos or Daniel - Carlos was so far advanced already in his career and Daniel had his thing going on w McLaren that Lando had no control over (and rightly didn't respond to people demanding he show some kind of shame?? or partake in the blame). so loyalty never really played a part in his partnerships with those two, whereas (and maybe as a result of that) Lando's loyalty to McLaren as a team only grew each season. so seeing someone close to his own age but far behind in experience, work so hard and prove so early on that he wants to stay, absolutely brought out a pride from Lando for Oscar that I really hope he will also extend to himself more. major Zak Brown levels of back pats to Lando.

and side note but it needs to no longer be a question or point of contention when Lando says that Silverstone and then the double podiums are superior races for him. Lando loves his F1 buddies, absolutely. but Lando didn't burn through junior championships by favoring his buddies. he loves racing and his team more. and he sure didn't get that second place podium in Singapore because of a buddy, it was because of the position he'd put himself in. just like how Carlos would have given DRS to anyone behind him who was on older tires like he was to ensure that win. like, let's remember the manic obsession that has brought these men to where they are. buddies are a part-time thing. rpf is my meat and drink but I'll never confuse it up with that reality lol.

4:45 the Senna-Prost comparison - and I could probably get all deep about the youngest generation referring to those old bitter alpha male rivalries as something long gone (but I won't). but it's a really good call-back to Monza and the coming together because there's Oscar's ability to see his performance clearly and where it went wrong for him leading to that third place and not higher. and god, I am in no way saying that it's possible to compare Lando being in his fifth season without a race win to a rookie celebrating his first podium. I just really hope that Lando reminds himself that he's come of age in F1 in the Max Verstappen era and that in the cool down room at Qatar, Oscar giddily thanked Mercedes for clearing a path for him. that it doesn't always have to be pure perfection and pace to keep him afloat. sometimes points are points and serendipity plays her part.

"I've been drowned by Lando in champagne" god I will never be over Lando's smug toothy smile

and I will also never be over the way Lando went from clearly dreading being the "older/experienced" teammate and not knowing what to make of Oscar's quiet, reserved personality, to the intense proprietary authority of practically holding Oscar up by his collar like a prize cat in Suzuka and saying "this is mine! I helped make this what it is! look how good this is!"

all while baptizing him in champagne <3

[ravenn-darkholme]

Permanent Price chapter 3

Alex Summers x Mutant!OC

Summary: Isabella Darkholme, sister of raven Darkholme and Charles Xavier. Also a mutant. Her mutation allows her to blend in with the light rays, turning herself and whatever she's touching invisible.

word count: 3149

warnings: none that I know of

series masterlist

They pulled up to Agent Koenigs's facility with a new addition to their little mutant group. Charles introduced him to raven, his name was Erik Lehnsherr. His mutation was that he could control metal. It was an amazing mutation. Bella was astonished. Mutants really are amazing.

"Welcome to my facility. My mission has been to investigate the application of paranormal powers in military defense." Koenig said.

"Or offense." Erik cut in. Isabella didn't need to be like Charles to know Erik was only here to kill Shaw, he really wanted to get this over with.

"This guy Shaw, Schmidt, whatever you want to call him, he's working with the Russians. We might need your help to stop him."

Bella tuned them out grabbing her sister's hand securely. They may have been adults but bella had terrible anxiety. Ever since she was a child, she could barely go out in public. She missed that motherly figure in her life to tell her it would be okay. Raven and Charles were there for her of course, but she dreamed of having a mother, or even just a parent. So whenever she was near lots of people or just in public, she would stick close to her sister. Raven sometimes acted as a mother, even though they were the same age, she was just very maternal and loving.

"So we're to be the CIA's new mutant division, yes?" Charles asked keeping his sisters in his eye line making sure Belle was okay. He knew how bad it could get, sometimes he would calm her with his mutation, but thankfully he didn't need to do that today.

"Something like that," Koenig said. It made bella feel uneasy. What else would they be doing? Are they keeping them, prisoners? The thoughts getting to her head made her breathing shaky. Raven could tell her sister was feeling anxious and put her arm around her and kissed the side of her head whilst muttering "It's okay. I'm here, you don't need to feel like this." Surprisingly it made her feel better, just knowing her sister was there gave her a feeling of warmth.

The mutants followed the agents further into the building until they were beneath a huge jet, attached to the ceiling by thin wires. that didn't look safe.

"It's uh supersonic." A man said who seemed to be working nearby. Everyone looked up at the jet in awe.

"Hank, these are the special new recruits I was telling you about." - He nodded towards the group. - "This is Hank McCoy, one of our most talented young researchers."

"How wonderful. Another mutant, already here." Charles said stepping closer to the man and shaking his hand. This made Isabella happy. There really were mutants in plain sight, hopefully, one day it would be normal for mutants to be around and not having to hide - as raven does.

"Why didn't you say?" Charles asked Koenig.

"Say what?" He replied with a confused tone.

"Because you don't know. I am so, so terribly sorry." Shit Charles. Isabella looked at him with a sorrowful look. He seemed like a nice guy, yet here he was being outed by Charles.

"Hank?" Koenig asked with what seemed to be an amazed expression - let's hope it was that anyway.

"You didn't ask, so I didn't tell," Hank said looking down.

"So, your mutation is what?" Raven asked stepping forwards, still holding onto her sister's hand. "you're super-smart?" she teased.

"I'll say. Hank here graduated Harvard at the age of 15." Charles spoke up.

"I wish that's all it was." Hank shyly told.

"You're in the company of friends now, Hank," Isabella said to the newly announced mutant. She wanted him to feel safe around them. She knew how it was to be shy and how it can take a toll on your social status.

"You can show off," Charles added. Hank stepped back and started to take his shoes and socks off. Bella wondered what his mutation was.

"Splendid," Charles said after seeing his feet. He had hands for feet. Truly amazing how a mutation can change something.

"I'm sorry," Hank muttered as he moved around the group taking a big leap and jumping upside down, and holding onto the jet with his feet.

"Amazing," Isabella said with a smile to the man who shyly smiled at her sister.

⋆✩⋆

Isabella couldn't help the smile that came over her face as she sat across from her sister. After they met hank they all went their separate ways. Isabella just strolled around the building invisibly so she didn't get stares or didn't have to smile and talk to people. It did make her sound like a resentful bitch, but she couldn't care less. Currently, the two were sitting in their shared bedroom that was in the facility. At first, Bella wanted a room by herself so she didn't make raven feel like her carer, but raven loved being with her sister. Nothing could break them apart.  Bella reading a book, and Raven flipping through a magazine, while music played softly in the background.

"What?" Raven asked once she saw that her sister was smiling at her.

"Nothing." Isabella shrugged before she went back to her book.

"Belle." Raven pushed as she knew she was lying. She just wanted to know what  Bella was smiling at her for.

"You and beast-boy huh?" belle teased as a smirk replaced her smile,

"Beast-boy?" Raven questioned with a whine.

"Yeah cuz' his feet are what you'd imagine a beast to have like in the story Mom told us." Raven smiled at the mention of their late mother. She had died when they were roughly eight years old. All they had to remember her by was the necklace Isabella wore. Bella went on and on for raven to keep it, but raven knew how belle needed things like that to keep her close to family when things got too much for her. Sometimes when she was young and her mother kissed her goodbye to school she swore not to wash that cheek until she saw her mother again. That's how bad it was.

"Do you miss her?"

"Yeah, but I know she would be proud of us. For sticking to what's right." Isabella said fiddling with her necklace. The only time she took it off was when she showered so it didn't get rusty. Raven had their mom's ring on her right-hand ring finger.

"If mom didn't die, do you think things would have been different?" Raven questioned quietly.

"Like what?"

"Like maybe we wouldn't have been as close, we wouldn't have met Charles. Maybe our mutations got out of control and we expose ourselves and make everything worse-" Raven rambled on.

"Let's not think about what could have happened yeah? Let's be glad we're here now, safe doing things we didn't know we could. I miss Mom, but I'm glad she's at peace now." Isabella said before smiling at her sister.

"So. back to you and beast-boy" Bella laughed as she saw her sister face plant the pillow.

⋆✩⋆

Isabella was in astonishment as she followed after Raven and Erik into what Hank presented to them as Cerebro.

"Okay, so, uh, the electrodes connect Charles to the transmitter on the roof. When he picks up a mutant, his brain sends a signal through a relay, and then the coordinates of their location are printed out here." Hank explained his invention. Isabella stood with her brother as they looked over the piece that he would have to place on his head, while Raven and Erik stood with Hank beside the controls. She couldn't help but feel a little anxiety about what they were to be doing but she pushed it aside as she watched Charles place the helmet on.

"What an adorable lab rat you make, Charles." Erik teased as the woman switched places with Erik and stood next to her sister. Bella felt glad Erik was warming up to them and agreed to stay with them. When they first found Erik he was incredibly closed off. It had only been a day but he was opening up more and more. Bella and Erik both had the same goal at the end of the day. Kill and find Shaw. Something they bonded over. It may have been out of character for Bella to be so violent, but if Shaw was actively hurting and threatening people, including her family, she wanted him gone.

"Don't spoil this for me, Erik." Charles shot back as he got relaxed in the chair.       

"Oh. I've been a lab rat.

I know one when I see one." Erik admitted.

"Are you sure we can't shave your head?" Hank asked Charles as he made sure the helmet was on accurately.

"Don't touch my hair," Charles said instantly, displeased with hanks offer. Hank just nodded before he went back to the control panel. Turning on the machine and flipping all the needed switches. Isabella waited in suspense as the room seemed to get darker and the lights of the machine seemed to be the only things illuminating the room. Charles grunted in pain as he grasped the railing that seemed to surround him. Bella grabbed her sister's hand as they waited in anticipation.

"It's working." Hank declared to the other mutants as they observed Charles. Bella couldn't help but smile as she watched her brother chuckle in amazement at what he was seeing.

⋆✩⋆

Isabella sat on Charles's bed as she watched him pack a small bag. He and Erik would be traveling to recruit some of the mutants that Charles had found while in Cerebro. Her plan would be to beg Charles to let her go with them. She was bored of staying in the facility, which was not like her. Normally she would stay in her room listening to music, reading, and wouldn't come out. But something was drawing her away. Like a magnet in her stomach pulling her somewhere and she needed to follow it.  

"Are you sure I can't join the two of you?" She asked.

"The new recruits will need friendly faces to greet them - preferably other mutants - when they arrive," Charles explained to his younger sister. He wouldn't have minded if  Bella just joined the two of them. Making sure she was ok and safe. Of course, she would be fine at the facility, especially with Raven, but he worried for her and knew how she got.

"And you, my dear sister, have one of the friendliest faces I have ever seen," Charles added as she stopped next to the woman and put his arm around her shoulder. She missed moments like this, they hadn't had one in a while.      

"He isn't wrong. bella" A new voice joined them from the doorway. Isabella turned her head and saw that it was Raven, walking through the door.     

"This won't work you know.." Bella rolled her eyes as she pulled Charles' arm away from her.

"What won't work?" Raven smiled as she walked closer to her siblings.

"She is right. Isabella is way too stubborn to let this go." Her brother laughed.

"I was just hoping to get out of this stupid government building," Bella said, shocking her siblings.

"Really? Normally you would stay and curl up in your room. Your not the type to go out specifically to see people."  Her sister really did know her all too well.

"I don't know. I think I wanna just get out. All the government agents creep me out and I think I need to learn to be around people more, this might help." It wasn't a complete lie, but if she said the real reason Charles would immediately shut her down and probably laugh and tell her she needed rest. She saw her brother have a look of contemplation on his face before he opened his mouth and agreed for her to tag along. She squealed with excitement. Maybe Charles wasn't so protective anymore, maybe he was finally letting her have her own life.

"Okay well have fun for me. Good luck meeting new people bella." Raven said hugging her sister. It might've seemed childish, but Isabella really did have a hard time near people. She'd gotten better recently though, and raven was proud of her sister.

⋆✩⋆

Isabella was delighted that Charles had agreed for her to come search for the mutants

As Bella sat in the car waiting for Charles, she found herself wondering what the real reason was for her desire to go with Charles and Erik. The pretend magnet in her stomach got more and more intense the more they searched for other mutants. With no answer from the universe she was hoping for, Isabella decided to get out of the car and find Charles, erik, and the mutant they were there for. When they pulled up to the strip club, Charles forced Isabella to stay in the car. His protective side revealing which was really starting to irritate Bella.

The invisible mutant phased through the doors of the club. She then phased through a few private areas, before finally coming upon the one Charles and erik were in. She saw the beautiful girl before her eyes and smiled once she saw the captivating wing that protruded through her back.

"Badass." Bella said, making herself visible. Clearly captivated by the girl and her wings. Charles sighed at his little sister whilst Erik and the girl-Angel- smirked at Isabella.

"How would you like a job where you get to keep your clothes on?" He said to the mutant as she wafted in the air, her wings fluttering around her.

Once they sent Angel to the CIA facility, the next mutant they were to recruit, was a taxi driver named Darwin.

"Where to?" Darwin asked the three, sending a charming smile to Isabella. 

"Richmond, Virginia, please." She told the man before Charles could interrupt her.

"Right, so, you want the airport? The station? What?" Darwin chuckled.

"No, we were rather hoping you would take us all the way." She smiled.

"That's a six-hour drive."

"That will give us plenty of time to talk," Erik smirked before shutting the fare meter, making Darwin look back in surprise.

Now they were in a prison to see another mutant - of course. Isabella wasn't sure about this one, since he was in prison. As they made their way through the prison, following the warden, Isabella felt the fictional magnet in her stomach start fluttering around, tugging her harder and closer than it had before.

weird.

what is weird belle? She heard Charles in her head.

"Stop invading my mind, Charles." She grumbled, before stopping in front of the cell holding the mutant - Alex Summers.

"What does the government want with a guy like Alex Summers? I hope you're not planning on putting him with others. First guy, I've ever met who actually prefers solitary confinement." The warden said to them in a judgy tone. People like him were some of the reasons Isabella was anxious to go out, I mean come on no need to be so judgy.

He opened the door and there they saw Alex who so say caused havoc, Bella was guessing with his mutation. The warden cautioned them earlier, about putting him with others in a group, as Alex was the only prisoner he'd known to actually prefer solitary confinement like the warden said before. He looked up with a scowl on his face. Apparently, he wasn't actually bad, just worried about unleashing his mutation and hurting others around him.

We can fix him up. Bella thought feeling the need to help him understand his power, and make him feel more secure using it if he wants to of course.

Once they left the prison, Isabella decided to go back to the CIA facility with Alex. Obviously to see Raven no other reason. She also wanted to assure Alex he won't cause any destruction or hurt others. Charles was reluctant to leave Bella to go back on her own and thought it was odd that she would happily leave the safety of her brother, knowing she preferred to stay with her siblings. Maybe she was coming out of her shell though, which would be amazing for her.

Currently, Bella was sitting next to the newly recruited mutant. She could tell how tense and nervous he was to be out of solitary confinement. They hadn't said much to him about what they were planning, so Isabella felt the need to explain everything, not even just what he was here to do. She wanted to explain mutations to him too. Now she may not have been as smart as Charles, but she knew more than the average person on mutations. After forcing Charles to read about it all to her, she felt pretty confident she could explain it to him and help him understand.

"You don't have to be so nervous you know. I don't bite" She told him softly with a smile.

He didn't say anything, continuing to stare at the airport around him. Isabella sighed not knowing what to say to him. She knew all too well about being quiet. All bella wanted to do was help him.

"I'm not going to ridicule you for whatever you did, or your mutation." She sighed, needing to let him understand she was here to help. Alex looked toward Isabella scoffing before saying.

"I can take the insults, I just don't want to hurt anyone. I don't think you understand how destructive I am."

"You know if you were to get out of control, ill be here to help. I can create forcefields that are sealed tight and impenetrable, nothing would get in or out of my forcefields. I can do other stuff too, but ill only show you if you tell me about you." She smiled.

For the whole plane journey, they both shared storied about their life. Alex even opening up to Isabella about his abilities. He shared the story of how he ended up in prison. She felt for him, no one deserved to feel that way about themselves or their powers. She even ended up making him laugh, which made Belle feel warm inside at the sight.

authors note

hey, lil detail of belle and ravs moms necklace and ring</3 now ik in the movies we know literally nothing bout her parents but in this ff they're mother was a mutant and she was killed because someone in their hometown found out bla bla, with my personal anxiety experiences ik I liked to cling to family or things of my families ik everyone's different but some people will relate :) thnx for reading pls vote !!! ALSO, OUR OTP HAS FINALLY MET YYAAYAYAYA okay ship name ----BALEX ---- CUTE OKAY IM SO EXCITED FOR THEIR JOURNEY HJAHSIHAHDAUKH

I'm so excited for balex wedding au you do not understand

btw I will be doing all movies plus an AU once dark phoenix is done (spoiler Alex wont die... or will he;)

[nicoline1998enilocin]

After reading some of you fics with tony + cats/kittens, I found the perfect prompt for a drabble with tony: adopting a puppy/kitten (kitten, in that case)... he's such a "cat person" and it's adorable... thank you 💝

A Sunny Secret || Part 2

PAIRING || Fiancé!Tony Stark x Fiancée!Fem!Reader

WORDCOUNT || 1K

SUMMARY || While you're working hard at SHIELD's surgical wing, Tony is working on the surprise he can't wait to gift you during your graduation that's coming up in a few short months.

RATING || Teen (T)

TAGS || Established relationship. Former Sugar relationship.

A/N || This is written for my Summer of Drabbles. This is not proofread, any and all mistakes are my own.

Photo: Source || Other graphics are made by @nicoline1998enilocin

Main Masterlist || Tony Stark || Sugar Daddy!Tony Stark || Summer of Drabbles

Watching Tony and Moon interact the way they do - cute and silly - has your heart swelling with love, but deep inside, you also long to add a second cat to your family. Moon has shown you how an animal's love can be unconditional, and ever since rescuing him, there's been the thought going on in your mind to expand your little family even further. However, you also know the timing could be better for it, with you being busy with your residency and Tony being gone more than ever to fulfill his duties as Iron Man.

"How do you think Moon would handle when there's a little sibling around?" you ask between bites of the breakfast Tony prepared for you while you were in the shower. His head has never moved quicker in his life as his gaze meets yours, a blush creeping onto his cheeks as the thought of you possibly having discovered his secret creeps into his mind.

"I- I'm not sure, Sugar, but if I had to guess, I'd say he would love it. But I don't think it's smart to add another kitty to the litter quite yet, seeing how busy we are now," he tells you as you keep eating, and you nod in agreement. While adding a kitten would be very nice, it would also mean someone would have to look after them constantly, which would be impossible. Moon is large enough to join Tony in his office whenever he's not gone on missions - other days are often spent with Bucky and Alpine when you're working.

"You're right," you say with a smile that doesn't quite reach your eyes, but you can't think about it for too long as you now have to get ready to go to work. Tony cleans up the kitchen while you put your hair up so it's not in your face, and then it's officially time for you to go. As always, Tony patiently waits by the front door to say goodbye, and you smile as you see him.

"I wish you all the luck you're gonna need today, Sugar," he says as he wraps his strong arms around you, making you feel safe and protected in his hold. His lips are placed softly against your temple, making your heart beat faster as you melt in his hold. After a few more soft kisses, it's time to go, and you say goodbye to Tony and Moon before heading out the door and towards the surgical wing, leaving them to take care of themselves for the next 24 hours.

Today, Tony is not going back to bed to get more sleep. He's preparing to meet a friend he recently contacted about wanting another kitten as a present for you. Graduation day is almost here, and he's excited to surprise you with a kitten. The timing couldn't be more perfect, as he's about to pick the ideal fit for your family today.

After a short drive to a farm just outside New York City, he arrives, parking his car in front of a large farmhouse. A golden retriever happily runs up to him to greet the stranger who has arrived. A large smile appears as he kneels to give some attention, which the large canine happily accepts as he wags his tail enthusiastically.

"I see you've met Atlas already!" a female voice says cheerily as she appears in the farmhouse's doorframe. Tony looks up at her, nodding enthusiastically.

"He's the best greeter you could have, Martha," he says before getting up and pulling her into a hug.

"How're you doin', Tony? Are you and Y/N still together?" she asks with a raised brow, being well aware of Tony's past. A deep blush appears on his cheeks as he nods shyly, the thought of you bringing him more joy than ever.

"Oh, Martha, you wouldn't believe how happy she makes me. She's smart, funny, amazing in bed," he says proudly, and Martha shakes her head with a smile as she listens to Tony, "But most of all, she's the love of my life. There's no one else I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, and I even asked her to marry me a little while ago." His love for you is palpable, filling the air with warmth and joy.

"I'm so happy for you, Tony. If there's anyone who deserves someone like Y/N, it's you," Martha says, guiding Tony to the barn where the kittens are. They were born a few days ago and are still tiny and cute. As he looks at the babies, his heart melts and aches a little at the same time, as they are the same age as Moon was when you rescued him in the rain.

As soon as he walks in, his gaze is immediately drawn to a completely orange kitten, making them stand out from the rest. The others are either black and white or orange and white, with some black spots here and there. This one, however, has immediately stolen his heart, and he knows they're the one.

Do you want to give one of them a bottle? Mom doesn't produce enough milk to sustain them all the time, so we supply them with extra milk. You happened to come by at feeding time," Martha tells him, and Tony enthusiastically nods.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to do that? I mean, I've done it before when we rescued our other cat, Moon, a few years back, so I hope I still remember how to do it," he says jokingly. When he gets the all-clear, he sits down before being handed the orange kitten, which he already knows will be the one.

"Hi, sweet girl," Tony whispers as she happily drinks her milk, "I'm going to be your Daddy soon and take excellent care of you! Your Mommy is going to love you so much."

"Do you have a name for her picked out already?" Martha asks as she feeds one of the other kittens, and Tony takes a moment to think it over before nodding and smiling widely. He tells his friend the name he picked out before he even met the little girl he will adopt, as it'll be the perfect fit.

"Sun."

[blade-that-was-broken]

Your Soldier On AU gives me brainworms! While re reading it I suddenly remembered this video clip of soldiers graduating and that they're NOT allowed to move at all unless someone taps them (usually family)

So I then imagine Soldier JD just standing there surrounded by people having family reunions while he just.... silently accepts that no one will show up.

To make it less sad, Delta (who probably graduated with him) decided to be the one to tap him out and give him a big hug. (He deserves it)

He knew no one was coming.

He really knew it but that didn’t stop his heart from wishing, having that tiny little wishful thinking that someone would find him. That someone would appear out of nowhere and come up to him.

It wouldn’t happen.

He should have expected it.

He hadn’t seen any of his brothers in years.

He wasn’t able to find any of his brothers. He thought perhaps, on his own, he could search and find them. But he is no detective and well, he was never as smart as Clay or as intuitive as Floyd or as charming as Bruce. He tried not to think about what kind of person Branch would be. A person he would probably never get to know.

Here he was in the very last moment. After this, he didn’t have anyone left.

There was nothing else.

John Dory stood in line with his graduating class, staring straight ahead, letting his eyes blur a little. He didn’t pay attention to the family members that were bringing their loved ones into a tight embrace. He couldn’t watch. He knew he’d be standing like this for the entire length of the ceremony.

He didn’t have anyone. There was no one left. He hadn’t had anyone in years. It was okay, he figured this would be the end anyways.

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before opening them again. He blinked blankly, finding one of his classmates stand in front of him. Most of the others had been tapped out, with their families, her included. She stood in front of him and it room everything he had not to let his face scrunch up in confusion.

“I’ve got you Dory,” she promised, seriously.

Delta Dawn was bound to be a masterful soldier, practically at the top of her class. She had the patience and the discipline and the strength. She was smart, tough and was great with a plan. No one would have expected her to befriend the bland, average and slightly scrappy idiot who had no where else to go. John didn’t know how it happened either. It just kind of did.

It would be no surprise if they were stationed together in the same place. They made each other better, somehow, and people noticed.

He hoped they were stationed in the same place.

She wasn’t supposed to be a soldier, her parents wanted her to follow her father’s footsteps as a politician but she was gone before they could blink.

Taking another breath, he was forced to have his vision full of her slate blue gray eyes and red hair pulled back under her cap. She stared at him, serious but still soft. She was tough as nails that one, tougher even, but for some reason John would probably never understand, she had a soft spot for him. Who was he to judge? He had a soft spot for her too. He’d probably do just about almost anything for her.

“I’ve got you John Dory,” she repeated, giving his shoulder a quick tap before grabbing his hand and pulling him in a tight hug. “It’s forever now, Dory,” she whispered.

John’s eyes filled with tears as he wrapped his arms back around her, squeezing tight. He knew Delta’s sister was nearby, probably the presence by his side that seemed to brush up against him.

“I know I’m not them,” Delta continued, right into the crook of his neck. “But you aren’t getting rid of me, Dory. During service and after. You can count on it.”

He took a breath.

“You can count on me, Dawn,” John Dory promised, quietly. “You can count on me.”

[444m777]

15 years ago today…

I was roughly three months fresh of turning 17 years old. I felt indifferent about that number and sort of wished I could stay 16 a little longer but I knew I was getting closer to being considered an “adult” and in that case it was exciting because I would be moving abroad and living on my own once I graduated from high school. There was nothing really special about that day. I was home alone after school. Took off my shoes and just did what any regular-degular teenager would do, watch TV.

Aside from plotting how I’d ever make it to London without ever traveling that far before I figured one could dream like I always did. Like I had to because I had the kind of parents who did not like the fact that I was (still am) a Michael Jackson fan. They saw it as an obsession and basically it got to a point where I was “banned” from mentioning his name, listening to his music even though I didn’t own any CDs at the time. The only thing I had growing up as a little girl was the Moonwalker VHS tape and I almost destroyed it because I watched it a billion times for years. My parents would always make sure we had a movie night and as soon as they asked for suggestions everyone would butt in before I could get a word out, “WE ARE NOT WATCHING MOONWALKER! Anything but that!”. As a little girl that shit tore me apart.

My parents introduced me to the world of magic that is MJ. They showed me Thriller. And I innocently referred to the female ghoulish monsters as my grandmother (oops…🤪) everyone burst out in laughter. It was cute I was maybe 3-4 years old at the time. But when I turned 5 I was allowed to watch the whole Moonwalker movie and my own mother told me she regrets getting it and showing it to me. I was maybe 9-10 years old when she said that to me out of anger. She read my diaries at the time and saw all the newspaper clippings I had of Michael because they just wouldn’t let me buy any merch/CDs. And in it I wrote how I felt about him and how I wanted to be with him at Neverland Ranch. Mind you this was also the time where it was super uncool to be an MJ fan. Like, you’d get DISOWNED from your friend group, family etc. it was THAT bad. Coming from a Black Caribbean background. I virtually had no one to talk to about Michael. Hence, the diaries.

I, in some way, related to how lonely he felt. In my innocent child’s mind I just felt really close to him and I felt he would understand me better than my own immediate family would. Anyways, I CLINGED to my Moonwalker VHS tape until I somehow broke it from watching it a trillion times too much😅. My world SHATTERED. It was the only MJ thing I had before I got the newspaper clippings because of the allegations. Whenever we went to a music store or an airport that had a music store I wasn’t allowed in the section that had Michael’s music. I’d get dragged away. It was ROUGH for little fangirl me😕 I don’t know how I survived it. And I’m not even trying to sound dramatic but I was a sensitive, PAINFULLY shy, introverted and moved to tears EASILY kinda girl. I had (and still have) very BIG feelings and I had no one to help me navigate them. Maybe I’ll make another post about my journey as an MJ fan on a super tiny island and how I “made it work” but really I want to focus on how as a teenager I found out he passed.

Flipping through channels I came across a news channel that claimed he died. I immediately took it as a hoax and switched to another news channel and they didn’t report anything. So I remember pausing the TV (we had DVR at the time) and went upstairs to shower. I kept telling myself this was all a sick joke. I came back downstairs and pressed play and forwarded to real time and they said he really did die. So I did the one thing I thought was smart and decided that if CNN didn’t report he died then he didn’t and everybody from the smaller news channels were in on some terrible lie to generate views because of his concerts coming up in London. But I finally switched to CNN and it was written so boldly on the screen I wasn’t even sitting but something told me to sit because my body felt weak and I plopped down on the couch. It took a while to register and then I was hysterical. Home alone yet living with people who banned me from talking about him and getting caught listening to his music or writing about him. I had a secret stash of MJ related things. I had a friend who took her mother’s Dangerous cassette tape and borrowed it to me to listen. My sister’s best friend’s dad had the History Album and she gave it to my sister to give it to me. That’s honestly the one thing my sister did for me that felt super profound. Because she was also told not to fuel my “obsession”. She didn’t care for MJ but she wasn’t mean about it either. But we both lived under our parents’ house and rules and as a Black girl with Black Caribbean parents… let’s just say you don’t question or go behind their back if you know what’s good for you. Once just ONCE my dad let me buy the Dangerous dvd. We were at the airport and he was hesitant. I remember it like it was yesterday… “you KNOW your mother doesn’t want you getting anything MJ related! I’m not letting you buy this”. But at the last minute he still let me get it and he said “it’s just the music videos I suppose this is fine…” oh, how it was not. That got taken away too. So you see I had to hide whatever anyone could spare. I was not even allowed to read the newspaper at one point because my mother found I would cut out pictures of him. THE NEWSPAPER Y’ALL!!! If I needed the newspaper for school work I’d get it with pages removed. Or my mom would pull out the pages I needed.

Back to being a total mess on the couch… my parents came home and I wiped my face and tears. I remember opening the door. I figured I’m older now. He passed away. It should be okay to at least say something about it. I remember opening the door and I could barely get the words out. I said “did you hear the news about Michael?” And she responded “yeah… jammer”. I come from a Caribbean island that’s been colonized by the Dutch so we use Dutch words in our creole language, Papiamento. But the way she said jammer (what a shame) was in such a nonchalant I-don’t-really-care way. Her tone was evident. I almost slammed the door shut in her face but I let her hold the door and I ran upstairs and was hysterical again.

I remember my father coming up to check on me but he stood in the door way. I was just curled up in bed crying and he left me there. Both of them left me there. I was a mess for DAYS. WEEKS. I became depressed. And again, I had no one to help me navigate these very BIG feelings. And it pained me. I didn’t have friends who were MJ fans. So I couldn’t talk to them. All I heard at school was “good riddance” or worse. As an adult I realized I just wanted someone to sit with me. Hold space for me. No one helped me through it during 2003 to the 2005 trials. No one helped me through it in 2009. I had to do it on my own and it SUCKED! You’re either met with “but you never met the man!” or “he was XYZ anyways so why does it matter, he’s dead!”. I was a CHILD! No one thought “damn… this is having a huge effect on our highly sensitive daughter and she’s clearly depressed. At the very least let’s hold space for her” NOPE! I learned very young to keep secrets. To never share myself like that with people in fear of being ridiculed. I hid myself, my passions and my thoughts. Despite growing up and excelling in anything that had to do with art (because I wanted to be like Mike lol). I kept it a secret. My grades showed it but anything else I kept it from my family. My friends kinda knew but they didn’t know what or WHO the driving force was. Where the inspiration came from. I always had to come up with some other story or muse. I wouldn’t dare mention Michael in fear my mother would appear out of nowhere and would “discipline me” for saying his name. He was my real life Voldemort and in my tiny kid brain I had to defend him in my mind because there was no way I could go up against anyone else let alone adults. My family but mostly my mother really did a number on me…

I’m writing this to say that what my family did and how the world negatively responded left a stain on my soul. Turned me from introvert and shy to soooo painfully shy I didn’t want to leave my room. Didn’t want to express myself in fear of being asked where the inspiration came from. Ironically as an adult my parents have been asking me why I’m not being creative and for a very long time I wish I could tell them it’s because they snuffed that part me, ever since I was a child, out! They couldn’t nurture that side of me and chose to see my devotion as blind obsession.

But this year and even more so today I had a huge breakdown earlier in the year and I realized I wanted to express myself and my thoughts more and speak freely about Mike. Mind you, I moved out at 18 and lived and studied in The Netherlands, Indonesia and Thailand. Still I kept that part of me which was and is a HUGE part of me, a secret. I brought it up once with a guy I had a date with and like I said, BIG feelings kinda gal, I broke down crying talking to him about Michael. And I apologized profusely and figured he’d never want to see me again. And yet he held me and comforted me. He did the one thing I craved the people who loved me should have done when I was a child. I swore on that day I’d marry that man. I did not… yet. We’re still together 7 years later and today too and every day since he has held space for me. Allowed me to be the fan I always wished I could’ve been even if it was in private with him. He lets me talk about anything MJ like he’s a fan himself (he is not but he has an immense amount of respect for Michael). And he’s always encouraged me to reach out to the MJ community but like I said the trauma, and again, not trying to be dramatic but to be told as a kid up until I left the house that I can’t talk, listen, watch nor dance to Michael was like being told I wasn’t allowed to eat, was DEEP and it made me associate expressing myself as a bad thing, a dirty thing. Because liking Michael was seen as gross. So I never engaged online for fear of my mother somehow finding me on the internet. Yeah… it was that bad😖

But it wasn’t all bad. And I’d like to share more about that in the future😌. I’m done feeling like my mother or anyone else for that matter has a say in how I feel and how I choose to express my love for Michael. That man pulled me through so many things throughout my life. I know this is a very heavy and sad day. It’s really tough for some to see the bright side. Because Michael being alive was the bright side. Even if he chose never to show his face again in public but to just know he was alive, safe and in good health probably would’ve been more than enough for fans to handle than knowing he’s truly gone. Unfortunately, that’s not the case and his life ended tragically.

I still choose to use this day as a reminder to myself of his tireless yet bright FIRE that he had and how he went against the grains of racism and ignorance, and striving to innovate, to push the envelope and go beyond. The sky was never the limit. I, too, want to use that energy and look past my upbringing and connect with other likeminded fans/people and truly engage the way I wish I would’ve years ago after leaving home. No more hiding. No more shaming myself and most certainly no more apologizing for speaking about Michael. I’m doing myself a disservice and I want to honor his memory by keeping on with the force! 🕺🏾

I love you so much Michael and I miss you like crazy and I’m so grateful for your presence and your passion for sharing your gift and life’s work with us. I feel you in the air and especially in the trees and in the animals. You solidified my belief in magic and wonder. I am so damn happy I am breaking free from these chains and really celebrating you OUT IN THE OPEN WHOLEHEARTEDLY. To the fans out there struggling I have you in my thoughts. And if you ever, EVER need someone to talk to because it’s difficult to talk to anyone else out there, you got me. I don’t ever want any of the fans to feel isolated and stuck. Especially the younger fans. You are the generation who will continue to keep Michael’s legacy going. Not only that you are the future in general and young kids/people need to be protected, loved and guided. Not the opposite and especially not made to feel like your feelings are invalid. Your mental health is so important even when you’re a fan of someone whom you’ve never met. And it is equally important to talk freely and openly in a safe space without being made to feel like you’re a criminal.

Anyways… if you read up until here, wow, thanks! Sending you all lots of love, hugs and heehees💫