#i will scream until the end of time
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Ryan Sinclair's travel vlog in a better timeline
#IT WOULDVE BEEN SO GOOD#WE COULDVE HAD LITTLE CLIPS OF FOOTAGE THAT RYAN TOOK SPRINKLED THROUGHOUT#FOOTAGE OF PLANETS AND CREATURES AND THE OTHER CHARACTERS - ALL FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE#DO U KNOW HOW AMAZING THAT WOULDVE MADE HIS CHARACTER???? JUST THAT ONE SPECIAL VIEWPOINT????#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i will scream until the end of time#doctor who#ryan sinclair#thirteenth doctor
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a mob of emus for an artstyle game on twt! ^_^
#project sekai#emu otori#the usernames are all their public twts so if you use that evil platform check out their art ^_^#many of them are on here with the same users even.. be gone from my sight vile bird#the one on the bottom right is Mine but ive never had an artstyle in my life so it may not be obvious to the viewers. sorry.#pjsk#prsk#proseka#only my beautiful mutuals beautiful art can make me do LINEART#i was going to ask on here but realized i dont have mutuals bc this is a side blog. sniffle. hell on earth#I dont have much to scream in the tags. semester is almost over. Im sleepy. I designed emu a huge seord for an assignment#but the 3d model turned out Bad. it looks ok from the top but you turn it and see Problems.#its been a month or so since i modelled that and i have gotten better so i want to try again with no time crunch + pressure#its a fun looking sword. magical girl sword type shit#EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT THE LITTLE PRINCE WXS STUFF I END UP AWAKE UNTIL 3AM BECAUse it GETS TO ME#WAAAAAAAAAUHGH. I HAVE CLASS IN 11 HOURS#GOODNIGHT. IT WILL BE AS IF ALL THE STARS WERE LAUGHING.#oh my god wait i did this this weekend bc i was like yaay i have a weekend without any assignments due#I just forgot abt one. Bc my email hasnt been working properly and didnt send me the reminder for it. i will spend my tuesdah drawing a gun
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god!merlin
druids can NOT speak in people’s minds. when they are before a high priestess, they can pray to her directly and she can hear them (hence the scene between morgana and mordred when he spoke in her mind).
merlin who constantly has this buzzing in the back of his head that he can never understand besides the occasional odd word which makes no sense. but when he’s closer to a druid or when their prayer is super strong, then he can make out what they’re saying.
merlin who brings up the fact that druids can speak into peoples minds to gaius who casually unfurls a scroll containing his ongoing list of reasons why merlin is/evidence of merlin being a god of the old religion.
#merlin just can’t remember bc he was born into a mortal body and his mortal brain couldn’t begin to comprehend#what it’s like to exist as a god#so he forgot#but every time he dies and comes back - or even casts a spell - a bit more of his mortality burns away#merlin emrys#emrys the god of life death and magic#(real)#high priestess morgana#god!merlin#bbc merlin#morgana pendragon#after arthur repeals the ban and a bunch of druids come to camelot to work out all the messy business#the druids gather before a hearth and make an offering to emrys who is literally in the same castle as them#their prayer is so strong and so close that the buzz in the back of merlin’s head turns into very clear screaming#gaius adds one more item to his list#eventually he’ll reclaim his status as a god but he’ll still stay by arthur’s side until the end of his life#and then - as a god - he’ll take arthur’s soul (and all his friends souls) and carry them into the realm of the gods#and they’ll all live there for eternity together bc i like happy endings#(+ now arthur gets to stand at merlin’s side as merlin leads his people (the gods))
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Okay I need to write something abt Ivy's brain overheating n starting to cook her head bc it overworks and there's no way there's enough space in her super computer brain for an efficient cooling system combined with Tim involuntarily salivating and feeling hungry when he smells burning flesh as a hold over from eating corpses during the Moon War. This is no longer a want it is a need.
#Been thinking about this for DAYS but every time I open a word doc I get so frozen with emotions abt them so I end up writing nothing#ivy alexandria#gunpowder tim#the mechanisms#I can't stop thinking about it#picturing something like Tim just chilling in Ivy's library/archives. like he's got a bad migraine and wants to take refuge in the quiet#but he's leafing through a random shelf- not really looking at the titles- as an excuse to be there.#when he smells it#a harsh scent undercuttng the stale and dusty atmosphere and rising until it is as loud and pounding as his thundering heart#logically he knows it isn't actually that strong. but it's been long since they were planetside and even longer since he had to smell that#it's all consuming. and for a long moment he stands frozen.#Stomach sunk in his chest only for Tim to be filled with horror when he realizes he's salivating.#and then all he feels filled with is disgust.#he stumbles through the shelves. Fully aware that it could only be coming from Ivy.#He's not quite sure if it's the scent that draws him or a bastardized version of concern.#Either way she's researching in the exact same spot she was when he came in. He wants to leave but she's right by the door and his own brai#is screaming at him to check for a pulse and bring her back to the microwave victim pile for harvest.#Nevermind he knows they cannot die and knows they have food and even (logically) knows he's no longer in thise lunar tunnels#nvgtdtfhvhdgchvjcv ahhhhh no thoughts head empty just this scenario
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See like the only reason I think the others seriously believed Curly may have crashed the ship is cause he basically had a 30 Rock "I lie to myself" momentary breakdown in front of them after one too many mocktails and like completely forgot about it.
#gee cap how do you handle all the responsibilty and stress of running such a fragile ship and crew? and Curly is gripping their shoulder#hard as hell cause hes not but he lies to himself and pushes it deep down until its buried.#him and daisuke are hanging on by a thread cause no way Daisuke isnt thinking in the back of his mind#“like omg why are you all so negative all the freakin time” and Curly is just listening to Daisuke breaking another pipe Swansea being rude#Jimmy being Jimmy and worrying about Anya like yeah i need more pre crash Jimmy being like what if I ended it just once or like tweaking ou#in his room in private like shutting the door screaming and then being like I will take responsibility for my crew *eye twitch*#also personal thought is he was also depressed and suicidal but in the way he really doesnt care what happens to him as long as everyone#else was fine like he wanted more in his life but he was also willing to let it pass him by as he laments how he felt he wasnt living for#anything and how it was affecting him before Jimmy shut him down#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#captain curly#like pls i need to see more jaded curly like only Daisuke is truly hopeful and its literally because he would've lost nothing at the end of#the trip and hes like a college second semester freshman or whatever#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing spoilers
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sindar this feanorians that why is nobody appreciating FINARFIN
#archi screaming#i will stan finarfin until the end of time. i don’t care if he has 1 personality trait and is known for exactly 2 things I LOVE HIM
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NOBODY TOUCH ME THOSE ARE GOLD ACCENTS ON HIS KEFTA
#darklina#shadow and bone#shadowandbonecentral#darklinaedit#aleksander morozova#the darkling#shadow and bone spoilers#sabedit#[ I WILL BE SCREAMING ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE END OF TIME ]
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looking for a second, hidden message behind official jjk twt posting so much gojo for the past few days, knowing it’s the final week and yes he’s coming back, that must be it
#— ai rambles#most likely just pr tbf but you know#i have to look past it and think he will come back#i need to believe it hard enough and maybe it’ll happen 🤞#also i’m so uneasy about those last few chapters#why’s everything looking so .. calm LOL#is gege going to troll us again . for the last time#holding my breath until the very end t-t#so nervous so so so i can’t wait for leaks in a few THE LAST LEAKS T^T#i’ll miss this sm T^T#hanging out on leaks day and screaming and crying with you all sobs
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#infinite#ifntgfx#sunggyu#kim sunggyu#woohyun#nam woohyun#gif#gif:sunggyu#gif:woohyun#**#did any of y'all watch the concert#i was up until 2:30am my time getting all emotional#chaser last romeo rock ver and i hate rock ver got me screaming and crying#not to mention gyu's ending speech
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in my head and in my heart, i know for a fact that all 3 todoroki children have really unfavorable habits that they got from endeavor.
fuyumi is mean. just honest to god mean. she doesn't even mean it most of them time. just being everyone's emotional support all the time causes her to suppress her meaner emotions and when someone pushes, it all comes out. but there is nothing in the world sharper than fuyumi's tongue on a bad day.
natsuo, ever the middle child. always there and always forgotten. natsuo is quick to get physically aggressive. never on people, god no. but he'll punch through walls like it's nothing. he's had his fingers broken and set more times than he can remember. he hates this part of himself. he already looks so much like enji, does he need to have his father's destructive rage too?
shouto... where to even begin with shouto. the child kept under enji's thumb the longest. shouto is more like enji than he would like to admit. he eats his food the way enji eats his food, greens first then everything else. he does his morning routine a near copy of his father's. this is what happens when you spend every waking moment of the first 15 years of your life with your abuser. that being said, shouto, ignoring the ever present constant thrum of anger that hides just below his skin, shouts a lot when he's angry. it comes from the chest, booming and seething. it scares people. he knows this and he hates that he cannot stop himself.
they don't like thinking about but when it happens all of them can't help but think i'm just like dad.
#god if touya lived long enough he probably would've picked up something really shitty#anyway mean!fuyumi is sooo true to me#that woman bottles up soo much in the hopes of being enough for the people around her#i think this is her worst habit? behavior?#physically aggressive!natsu is actually canon i think#the way he hit that doorframe at the family dinner.... yeah i know what you are#and shou. god i had the hardest time deciding what to choose for shou.#but in the end i went with the way he yelled at that cop after the stain incident#that kind of anger looked a little tooo natural on you my son#anyway i think the punching walls/throwing things started cause natsu was always an angry kid#and like there wasn't much he could do for his sister and brother and he was going crazy hearing his father beat the the shit out of shou#and one day he just snapped and punched the wall of the shed out back and god it felt sooo good and he didn't stop until fuyumi was pulling#him away screaming#god i love todofam angst#todoroki fuyumi#todoroki natsuo#todoroki shouto#todofam#bnha
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i'm back from new york for my sister's wedding! and as luck would have it, my entire family tested positive for covid. my activity here will be scarce as i try to recover this week. (。•́︿•̀。)
#this really fucking sucks#it's just one thing after another#oh well it gives me time to watch arcane :')#but this headache and body ache is something else#i can't open caps like an old person 😩#because my fingers ache too jfc lmao#i'll be back but activity will stay low probably until the end of this week#* ⟢ 𝐎𝐎𝐂 ━ ( clench your asshole super tight & scream it from your heart )
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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Current state after ch 10 of A Tale of Crowns:
#lazyqueen ramblings#a tale of crowns#interactive fiction#i gasped aloud at the end of every single route oh my god-#crying sobbing screaming i cant---#those cliffhangers tore my heart out 🥺😭#also i completely realized that i have low relationship stats with 3 of the 4 ROs and cried a little bit inside#that's okay tho the angsty ✨️flavor✨️ i got to experience bc of it was absolutely impeccable#all in all this was an amazing installment as always!#time to replay the whole thing until ch 11 comes out!!!#lazyqueen posts#atoc
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I'M ACTUALLY LOSING MY SHIT, MY FIRST SR HUNT EVER AND I GOT IT SEVERELY BELOW ODDS. AND IT'S THE ONE I WANTED THE MOST OUT OF THE THREE. OH MY GOD. I'M FUCKING HYPERVENTILATING
#I WASN'T KEEPING LIKE AN ACTUAL SCORE BUT I'M 99% SURE I NEVER WENT OVER EVEN 1000#like i kept losing patience so i didn't sit down and devote much time to it and fully expected it'd take me until the end of the year#LIKE WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!#TY ELIAS FOR HELPING ME CHOOSE A NAME AND THANK YOU FOR TOLERATING ME WHILE I WAS SCREAMING ON CALL#riley rambles#*guy breaking free of his chains meme* I CAN FINALLY PLAY SOUL SILVER
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I keep getting rejected from conventions that I've been doing for multiple years this year and I heard on Friday that I didn't get Scotland Comic Con, which I've relied on for the last two years to be able to pay my fucking rent over the winter when there's no events, and it makes me want to scream because what the fuck am I supposed to do about it?? I'm making new stuff reasonably regularly, I make really good sales when I get into cons, I go out of my way to be reliable and show up on time and do everything they want exhibitors to do, and it's just flat rejection after flat rejection, sometimes without even the courtesy of a spot on a waiting list or a cursory 'sorry, we got a lot of applicants and we've got limited space'.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I don't think I even am doing anything wrong, I'm just getting repeatedly fucked over by event organisers who just see me as a way of increasing their own ticket sales rather than a human being trying to make a living.
And, like, part of me gets that I've been doing this for a while and folks who are new to it deserve a chance to get a foot in the door, but my ability to be charitable runs out when the biggest convention in the country decides no, we don't have enough room in our fuck-off huge venue for everyone so bye, fuck you, that ~15% of your yearly income that you rely on making at this con is just going up in smoke.
I like doing conventions, I'm good at it and it's fun, but it's getting Really Fucking Stressful to have my ability to eat and pay bills decided increasingly arbitrarily by the same five events companies who don't seem to give the slightest shit about anyone.
And I don't know what to do about it because the reason I'm doing this is because I'm too fucking autistic to get a real job, and I got kicked to the kerb by the benefits lot a few years ago because that system's fucking broken too, and the more effort I put in the less work I seem to actually get and frankly I want to fucking break something
#not having a very good time right now folks#not getting into cons is just a fact of doing this job#but this one has really fucked me over#i don't know why i didn't get it because they don't tell you these things#there's no waiting list no nothing#two years i've done this con. three if you count 2019 as well#it's the biggest one in scotland it's 15 minutes from my flat#i can't afford to get to england so i Need this one to make a living#but fuck me apparently#i am Enormously screwed and i'm still too freaked out to work out what i'm going to do about it#and to cap it all off i had car and computer repairs to deal with this past week#and i don't have another con until the end of august#so i'm going to have to wipe out my pitiful savings just to make rent and bills until then#i could just about have survived if i knew i had that reliable income in october#but now i don't and i have no idea how i'm going to make it through the winter quiet season#AND i'm helping my flatmate out with food costs until her student loans start back up again#which i'm going to have to stop doing because i can't afford it anymore#so this fucks over both of us in the short term#i'm going to find a way to manage but i just. i need to scream for about a week first#personal stuff
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