#i will say the moodiness of going off med is starting to settle in. hope everyone explodes

[panicbones]

im suffering some godawful ssri withdrawal rn cuz i didnt get my meds refilled on time AND my insurance is a cunt who really super fucking hates when i go ANYWHERE that isnt their weeks long processing site so now i have to wait for my doc to adjust shit. so like im trying to go online to look up ways to alleviate the symptoms and what do you know the internet is so useful. haha

[just-dreaming-marvel]

The Proposals

MAIN MASTERLIST

bucky barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,325ish

Summary: Bucky tries to propose to you, but nothing ever works.

Bucky knew on the second date, that he was going to marry you. But he also knew, that it would freak you out that if on date three, he asked you to marry him. So he waited. But a man in love could only wait so long. By the time you and him had been dating for seven months, Bucky couldn’t wait any longer. He dragged Steve and Sam to jewelry stores across New York, in search of the perfect ring.

After losing hope for the perfect ring, Tony offered to design one. For free. Bucky struggled with Tony’s offer, but eventually gave in once Tony and Steve showed him the sketches and mock ups they’d put together. Wanda and Natasha helped put everything together when the night came. There were lights strung up everywhere on top of the compound, a small table was set up for the two to enjoy dinner, and Bucky and ordered your favorite meal. Bucky had been nervous all day, he got dressed in his best suit hours before you two were scheduled for your date.

You were suppose to be coming home from a long Avengers business trip tonight. You had been going to different countries, advocating for the Avengers Initiative. Bucky and you talked everyday, but that was not enough for either of you. You were currently on your way back to the compound, flying on a quinjet from London. Exhausted, you decided to put the quinjet into autopilot and get a few moments of sleep before your date with Bucky tonight. The blissful thought of sleep soon was far away when a call came in from Fury.

“I have an emergency assignment for you,” he stated.

“Sir, I’m just coming off a long assignment,” you explained. “All I want to do is see my boyfriend and sleep.”

“You’re the closest to the emergency. I’ve already got your quinjet rerouting to the location and the information of the mission is being sent to you.”

“But—“

“And I have Rogers in charge of telling Barnes that you won’t make it. Good luck.”

You sighed, running a hand down your face before getting up and changing into your hero gear. All you longed for is a lazy night with Bucky but, as you skimmed through the information Fury sent, that seemed to be a few more days away.

Steve, on the other hand, was trying to pawn Fury’s assignment off on anyone else on the team. No one would take it. They were all hiding in the lab, trying to get someone to go up to the roof and tell Bucky the news. They had all witnessed his nervousness all day, and were even subject to some aggression from it. So they were all a little scared for their lives when it came to telling him that you wouldn’t be home for a few more days. Eventually, when the time came that you were suppose to be arriving home, Sam gave in and sat that he’d do it, as long as everyone else came as back up. They all agreed and headed up to the roof.

Bucky was pacing like crazy when they arrived. Tony had to suppress the urge to make a comment about wearing through the roof the closer they got.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve called. He had really tried to control his tone, but his best friend was an assassin. There was no hiding from him.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky quickly asked, fear taking over his whole figure. “Did something happen? Please tell me that Y/N’s okay.”

“She’s okay, Barnes,” Sam stepped forward. “She just won’t be able to make it tonight.”

Bucky’s face fell. “What? Why?”

“Fury called her in on another assignment. Looks like she won’t be able to come home for another couple of days.”

The team all flinched as Bucky’s metal hand hit the table, making the objects on it go flying. They all took a step back as they watched the anger in him grow. He suddenly flipped the table over before stomping to the roof stairs. The rest of the team stood their watching, feeling bad for him. They all knew that Bucky was nervous about this and that it was hard for the man to be open like this, but there was nothing that could have been done.

Bucky was moody the rest of the days you were gone. No one could stand to be around him, mostly because they were a kind of afraid for their lives. When he wasn’t taking his feelings out in the training room, he was locked away in your shared bedroom. Four days after the planned proposal, you stumbled out of the quinjet. The mission had not been as easy as Fury made it out to be. You were successful, but you were now more exhausted than you ever thought possible, had a bleeding cut down your leg, and you were pretty sure your ankle was sprained.

Everyone was there waiting for you in the hanger and were not happy to see your condition as you stumbled from the quinjet. Bucky was the least amount of happy about your condition. Anger was again his best friend. But the more he watched you move closer to him, the more worried he became. Bucky rushed over, immediately sweeping you up into his arms, bridal style.

“Oh, doll,” he whispered, his eyes worriedly raking over your wounds.

“I’m fine, Buck,” you said quietly, clearly worn out. “Just tired.”

“Let’s get you to the med bay.”

The proposal was long forgotten in the midst of taking care of you. Yes, Bucky wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. But it was more important right now that you get healed. You were ordered off your leg for at least a month. Not making you very happy, but Bucky was. That meant that you were kept safe from harm and he could take care of you whenever he wasn’t away on missions.

Both Natasha and Wanda pushed Bucky to try and propose several times while you were benched and he was taking care of you. But nothing ever worked. He’d get called away on a last minute mission or you’d be too exhausted from physical therapy to do anything. He tried 4 times during the time you were benched, nothing worked. And Bucky was getting frustrated.

After about two and a half months, you were given the clearance to train and put weight on the leg again. And Bucky went back to planning another proposal. He knew he didn’t want to do the same thing he had planned to the last time, bad luck and all. So this time, he was going simpler. He planned a movie night, just the two of you. Bucky bought all your favorite treats and your favorite pizza. The only thing he forgot to mention, apparently, was the fact that it was a date. He was getting everything set up when you walked in with Tony, Bruce, and Sam.

“Hey, Bucky,” you smiled, coming up and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Theses guys told me that they were bored tonight. So I invited them to our moving night. Is that okay?”

Bucky’s hands clenched into fists as he looked at the men behind him. He immediately reprimanded himself for not letting the team in on his plan. When his eyes came down to look at you, he was met with your best puppy dog face and he could never say no to that.

“Sure,” he grumbled. “Why not.”

“Thank, babe!” You gave him a peck on the lips before helping the others get settled.

The rest of the night, Bucky was constantly crumpling things in his hands while he felt like the small box in his pocket was burning a hole into thigh. You were too engrossed in the movie and talking to Tony to notice Bucky’s irritation. But Sam did, and simply just smirked at the man.

When the others had left and Bucky and you had started cleaning up, you began to notice his mood by his silence and way he was throwing things away.

“What’s wrong, babe?” You asked, folding up a blanket.

“Nothing,” Bucky answered, far too quickly.

“Are you sure?” You moved to stand in front of him, curling your arms around his waist. “Did Tony say something to upset you, or Sam even?”

“None of them said anything. I’m fine.” He pushed away from you, moving into the kitchen with the trash.

“I don’t believe you.” You followed him closely. “Why won’t you tell me the truth?”

“I am!” Bucky yelled, turning sharply to face you.

You jumped back, taken back by his reaction. Bucky had never raised his voice at you, ever. Tears pricked your eyes as you tried to calm your racing heart. Bucky’s anger slowly faded, being replaced by guilt as he watched you shrink into yourself.

“Doll, I—“ He went to apologize and reach out for you but you took another step back.

“I don’t know what happened tonight to make you mad,” your voice quivered as you spoke, “but that reaction was not okay.”

“I’m so sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to shout.”

“Yet you did.” You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m going to go sleep somewhere else tonight. Let you calm down.”

“No,” Bucky frantically shook his head. “Please, don’t.” He tried to reach for you again, but you walked away.

“Some sleep might do you some good, Buck. We’ll talk in the morning.”

And then you were gone. Bucky fell back against the fridge and slid down it, head buried in his hands. He’d really done it now. You were never going to accept his proposal now.

You spent the night in Natasha’s bed, since she was away on a mission. Though, you didn’t get much sleep. You never did when you weren’t with Bucky, and same with him. And it clearly showed on the both of you in the morning. Dark bags under the eyes, slow movements, blood shot eyes, and solemn expressions. To the rest of the team, it was clear that something happened last night. They were just all too scared to ask what.

Bucky spent most of the next day in the training room, taking out his aggression, while you spent most of the day in your and Bucky’s shared space in the compound. You were trying to rack your mind around why Bucky had been acting so ornery lately. You were in your room when Steve called you in for a mission. It was going to be a smaller mission with just you and Steve. You were getting ready when Bucky walked into the room.

“Y/N, we need to talk,” Bucky stated.

Those words cause your heart to crack a little. Those were never good to hear. “Yes, Buck?” You replied, still getting ready while trying to keep yourself together.

“There’s something that’s been on my mind lately and I— wait. Where are you going?”

“Steve’s asked me to join him on a mission.”

“Already? I know you were approved, but are you sure? I’m worried that you—“

“Well you don’t need to be. I’ll be fine.” You flung your backpack over shoulder. “Will you be?”

“Will I be?”

“You’ve been acting strange lately. And then you come in saying that we need to talk… Bucky…” You sighed. “Did you come in to break up with me?”

“Break up with you? No!” He shook his head. “I would never.”

“Then what’s going on? You’ve been so aggravated lately and yesterday… well… you’ve never shouted at me like that before… it honestly hurt.”

“Baby…” He walked up to you, setting a gentle hand on your cheek. “I’m so sorry about last night. I just… I’ve been trying to…” His hand fell down to his side with a sigh. “I was going to propose,” he mumbled.

“What?” Your jaw dropped.

“And it hasn’t been the first time I tried… I’m sorry for taking it out on you. I was just so frustrated that none of my plans have worked.”

“Y-you…. You’ve been trying to propose? For how long?”

“My first attempt was when you were suppose to come home after your long business trip. But then Fury sent you on a mission and you came home injured… I tried multiple other times, but then I was called away or you were too tired. Then last night, that’s why I ordered your favorite pizza and snacks. I just wanted it to be you and me and—”

“And then I invited the boys. Oh, Buck.” You engulfed him in a hug. “I’m so sorry. Will you ever forgive me?”

“I would always forgive you.”

You and Bucky let your lips meet for a kiss. Upon parting, you decided to be brave.

“So,” you whispered, “are you going to ask me?”

Bucky quickly retrieved the small box from his pocket and opened it as he got down on one knee. “Y/N L/N, I love you will everything I have. I can’t picture my life without you. Will you—“

“Hey, Y/N,” Steve called, barging into the room. “Are you— woah.” He froze, studying the situation in front of him. “Am I interrupting something?”

Bucky groaned, allowing his head to fall against your stomach. You laughed as you set your hands on Bucky’s head.

“You think?” You giggled.

“I’m just gonna— yeah,” Steve rushed as he ran out.

“Is he gone?” Bucky said into your stomach.

“He’s gone. Now hurry before the team shows up.”

He leaned back into his original position. “Y/N, will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

“Hallelujah,” Bucky muttered as he slipped the ring on your finger.

“Hurry up and kiss me so that we can escape before we’re never left alone again.”

[blitzturtles]

Title: It Goes Like This (It Starts Like This Universe)

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Vento Aureo

Pairing(s): BruAbba

Summary: Abbacchio isn’t a morning person. Never has been. He prefers the comfort that comes with a blanket of darkness to the bright hours of the early morning. There’s less eyes. Less people. Less performance. Unfortunately, he’s gone and fallen in love with a man that believes that the day begins before the sun has even broken the horizon.

Notes: This is for the first place to my 300 Follower Giveaway! @bucciaratisfishmarket requested BruAbba set in my It Starts Like This verse with some disabled slice of life/morning routine. Ngl, I was super excited to get to do something in this verse, so thank you!

Thank you to everyone that followed and participated, and a special thanks to @bucciaratisfishmarket! I hope you like your fic!

Additional Notes: Also, the pill organizer described in the fic can be found on Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1022344896/boneyard-real-bones-weekly-7-day-pill It's cool and beautiful, and I probably don't do it justice. Definitely go check it out!

-

Abbacchio isn’t a morning person. Never has been. He prefers the comfort that comes with a blanket of darkness to the bright hours of the early morning. There’s less eyes. Less people. Less performance. Unfortunately, he’s gone and fallen in love with a man that believes that the day begins before the sun has even broken the horizon. It’s leftover from Bruno’s days helping his father with the boat, and, later, his days running Polpo’s errands. Chasing people down for money and answers. What comfort Abbacchio can find in the night, Bruno can find just fine in the light hours of the morning.

Fortunately for both of them, Abbacchio is more than capable of running on a schedule, of waking up at the same time everyday and forcing his mind and body into cooperation. He did it for years for school and then the academy. It’s nothing he isn’t used to, and he’s happiest when Bruno is happy, no matter what that entails, which is how he finds himself waking up to Bruno’s second alarm before the man can snooze it again.

The thing about Bruno’s new medication—a pill large in size and equally ridiculous in the length of its name—is that it makes it damn near impossible for him to get going in the morning the way he used to. Before, Bruno practically operated on his own internal clock. Waking up before his alarm had even gone off and fetching them both their first cup of caffeine; it used to be the thing that made greeting the day a bit more tolerable.

Now, Bruno snoozes. Alarm after alarm, until they run out. He’s tried music, absurd volumes, and even relocating the damned clock halfway across the room. None of it helps, so Leone compensates. He wakes up around the second or third alarm, turns the rest off, and kisses Bruno’s cheek before he rolls out of bed.

Sometimes there’s a quiet plea, “five more minutes”, that endears Abbacchio so completely that his mood settles, not nearly as bitchy as he could be upon reaching the kitchen and finding someone else already there.

“Why are you awake?” Okay, so. Still bitchy. But he doesn’t sneer his words quite as bad.

Narancia, for his part, looks completely startled by the prospect of someone else existing at such an ungodly hour, but he manages to avoid outright screaming. That’s a plus. Abbacchio isn’t sure his head could take it this early. “What are you doing?”

“I asked first.”

Narancia narrows his eyes, but he caves within seconds. “I got a test in like two hours, and Fugo’s gonna kill me if I don’t pass.”

Abbacchio snorts at the idea, “Yeah, he will.”

“Not helping!”

“Never said I planned to,” Abbacchio points out as he starts rummaging through the cabinets for two mugs. He sets them on the counter and gets to work brewing their coffee. Decaf these days, for Bruno’s sake. Abbacchio could keep drinking his usual, but he takes solace in the bitter taste of his coffee instead. It seems kinder that way, especially when he knows how much Bruno’s been struggling without caffeine.

“Why are you awake?”

“I’m always awake this early,” next is breakfast, which is easier said than done. It’s rare that Abbacchio wakes up with a stomach for anything. Too many years of skipping breakfast in favor of a bottle did a number on him, but it’s not optional anymore. Neither one of them will be able to keep their meds down without something to eat, so he picks through the refrigerator until he comes up with fruit and yogurt as his best solution.

“Really?” Narancia asks, wrinkling his nose, “Why?”

“Ask Bruno,” Abbacchio says, dismissive. He’s really not in the mood to talk to people that aren’t currently snoozing in his bed.

“You’re not much fun in the morning.”

“Am I ever?”

“Touché.”

Abbacchio snorts. He should be offended, but he knows the kid is being a smartass. It’s his own fault for setting himself up. “Why don’t you go bother Fugo? I’m sure he’ll be happy to help you study.”

“Have you ever tried waking Fugo up?”

“No, can’t say that I have.” That’s always been Bruno’s job, assuming that Fugo hadn’t already woken up on his own.

“It’s too early to get stabbed.”

“Touché.”

They go back and forth for a while longer. At least until Abbacchio’s patience runs out, and he’s finished putting breakfast together. He dismisses himself with little warning and doesn’t feel the least bit guilty when the kid looks a little startled by the abruptness of his departure. He has things to get done for the day, and those things don’t necessarily include being part of Narancia’s obvious effort to procrastinate.

“Bruno,” Abbacchio calls when he steps back into their room after Moody opens the door for him. “Your five minutes are up.”

“Five more?” Bruno asks, voice muffled. His head is barely visible with only a tuft of hair sticking out from a pile of blankets. It’s cute, and Abbacchio is a complete sucker for giving in.

“Last one, tesoro,” Abbacchio warns as he sets Bruno’s cup and food down on the bedside table.

There’s a muffled reply that might be a quiet thanks, though it’s almost impossible to tell with the way Bruno pulls the blankets even tighter around himself.

Abbacchio rummages through the drawer of his nightstand until he finds what he’s looking for before taking up a spot at the end of the bed with his food and drink in hand. He sips at the decaf slowly, wrinkling his nose at the first taste. God, he misses caffeine. As expected, he doesn’t feel much better about his first bite of homemade parfait (and he can almost hear Polnareff’s protest at his calling it that). The rest goes down about the same, but the motion is mechanical at that point. One bite after the other with the occasional sip from his mug to wash it all down until everything is gone.

Abbacchio sets the dishes on the floor and reaches for the pill organizer sitting on the bed beside him. He absently runs his fingers over the lid, where small bones have been set in resin. He can still remember the first time he saw it. The black shine had caught his eye first, but, on closer examination, the thing that had convinced him to buy the organizer had been the mouse bones, delicately placed and striking against the background.

What he hadn’t realized then is that the little organizer would a significant adjustment to his daily routine. Having a week’s worth of medication in one place, already sectioned in dosed amounts, had significantly increased his medication compliance. Oddly enough, it’s had a rather hefty impact on his overall mental health. Now, when anti-inflammatories and bronchodilators and steroids are part of his daily regiment as much as his SSRI’s, it’s even more vital for him to consistently get his meds in. Otherwise, the consequences tend to be pneumonia and an unwanted hospital trip with a round of antibiotics and even stronger steroids. And that’s to say nothing of what happens when he’s running low on serotonin.

He’s caught up in his own thoughts when Bruno hooks his chin over his shoulder and peers down at the little organizer.

“I never did ask you if those are real,” Bruno muses quietly.

“I thought you were taking five more.”

“‘m awake,” Bruno answers, clearly half-asleep.

Abbacchio huffs a soft, amused laugh. He turns his head to press a kiss to the side of Bruno’s nose. “Sure you are, amore.”

“I am.”

“M’hm,” Abbacchio smiles, reflecting the expression on Bruno’s face, though his is notably less sleep-depressed. Bruno looks a lot like a light gust of wind might knock him out, and it’s so damn endearing that Abbacchio can barely handle it. Instead, he looks back down at the pill organizer and answers Bruno’s earlier question, “They are. Real, I mean.”

“They’re lovely,” Bruno says, and he means it. Odd as some might find Abbacchio’s taste, Bruno has always found beauty in it. “Perhaps I should get one.”

“Might be a good idea.” It would be easier to see if Bruno ever missed a dose, and it would certainly be easier to avoid that disaster all together. “There are other options. You could go with something—oceanic, maybe?”

Bruno hums at the thought. “I think I’d like that.”

“I’ll keep an eye out,” by which Abbacchio means that he’ll actively go looking for one. Anything to make Bruno’s life a touch easier.

“Oh, you brought breakfast,” Bruno says, moving away from Abbacchio to peer curiously at the morning’s offerings. “You’re entirely too kind.”

Abbacchio huffs a laugh at that, “For all that you’ve done for us? Hardly.” He pops open the side hatch of his organizer and dumps the day’s pills into his hand. Abbacchio pulls a face at the number of them and looks down at his mug. Right, he had meant to save a sip.

“Here,” Bruno offers his own with a smile. “We’ll get more in a bit.”

“If you’re sure...” Abbacchio could always go get his own, but he has a feeling that doing so will result in more small talk, and he’s not quite up for that yet.

“I am,” Bruno reassures him before taking up the bowl of yogurt and fruit in absence of his coffee. “Just leave enough for me to take mine.”

[theficplug]

|Next Lifetime|Erik Killmonger|

previous chapters : Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 

erik killmonger x black reader

|part 4|

warnings: um definitely smut this chapter at the end. so 18+ for this chapter! and a possible trigger warning for grief but i promise it gets better and its a romcom.

synopsis:  reader grieves Erik until she doesn’t (i’m trying not give too much away). This one is a long ass chapter. So, grab you a snack and something to drink! I hope y’all like it.

“You promised on our birthday that you would give me something far more special than the charms you would gift to me. In 2018, you wanted to avenge your birth parents and you went off and did something foolish and when you- when they returned you to me you were-.” you struggle for a bit to find the words to explain it all to him as he takes a step back to gather himself. 

He rubs his eyes before grabbing your arms gently and massaging them . He leans down to look you in your eyes before asking “Ma, did you take something before I came to pick you up? You alright? Cause what you saying don’t make no sense at all... Your pupils don't look dilated though.” 

“I know how this must sound. Batshit crazy. I know it sounds crazy to me too. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m losing my own damn mind. I don’t know how or why. I just know that you came back to me.” you say to him and he shakes his head. 

“Erik. You’re talking about your ex boyfriend...The one that passed... . Alright, I’m going to take you home now... I still don’t understand what’s going on here and I’ve had about all I can take of trying to understand what’s going on here.” N’Jadaka says quietly to you before going around and opening your car door. 

The drive was silent as you picked at your nails and let the soft r&b roll over the tension between the two of you. 

Your own thoughts were going in about a billion different directions again. It didn’t feel right to just sit on all of that and not say anything at all. As ripped from a science fiction film as it sounded at least he knows. 

He was never one to think quietly because you could practically read his thoughts with the changing of expressions across his face.

The relief of seeing your building washed over you as he offered to walk you to your door. 

It was bittersweet because there was still so much of him in this different version of him. Even when he was upset with you or livid with whatever ghost that was haunting him back then,  he still showed nothing but tenderness to you.

You nod and give him a small smile before following him up the stairs , to your elevator, and finally your door. 

“I know that this is a lot. I mean who in their right mind would be able to process all of that.I wish there was any other way to say it... But thank you, I had a really nice time.” your soft words snap him out of staring at your face as if he was trying to piece it all together.

He knew deep down that there was something about you and what happened that weekend while dreaming in colours and other worlds but he couldn’t wrap his head around all of this happening in real life.  

You lean up to kiss his cheek and he grabs your shoulders softly. “With all due respect. You seem like a lovely person and a good woman, but I just - this all a lil too weird for me and I don’t think it’s a good idea that we continue seeing each other.” 

He kisses your hand and leaves with one look over your shoulder as you call out “Meet me at our spot. If you are still anywhere in there. You’ll know what I mean.”

“What the hell happened ? I didn’t expect you back until tomorrow morning?” Iri says as she settles on the other side of the sofa and patted the spot next to her as you kick off the sandals and lay your head on her lap with tears already prickling your eyes. 

“Oh you didn’t? Please don’t tell me you told him about the soulmate reincarnation thing? Sweets, you probably scared the hell out of that man. We needed you to keep that waaay down in the vault.” Tiki adds as she pops the cork off the bottle of wine in her hand and pauses the movie playing on the screen in the background. 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do . You’re gonna text him and tell him that you had just gotten your wisdom teeth removed earlier today and the meds had you unexpectedly zooted as fuck. “ Iri suggests and you chuckle softly.

---

Meanwhile at N’Jadaka’s house he was already being pestered by Lina and Penn for some type of details about what happened during the date. Orleans was already in the kitchen cooking and ear hustling but went back to his conversation on the phone with Big Mike when he realized there wasn’t any tea. 

“I don’t feel good. I’m finna go lay down. I’ll talk to y’all in the morning”. He says simply to them before trudging his way to his part of the house.

They had been friends since college and just got used to the idea of living together as they did in the dorms so they made it work after graduation. 

It helped them save money for when they finally separated and all of their schedules kept them busy so they didn't have time to get sick of each other. They also knew him well enough to know when something was bothering him and to leave him alone when he gets this moody.

"What the fuck?" He whispered under his breath 

"What the fuck was all that?" He continues talking to himself as he strips and walks past the bathroom mirror to the shower. 

He stops when something catches his eye. He sees a birthmark on his chest that almost resembles the shape of claw marks. He lets his fingers linger over the mark for a second. Thoughts of a panther mask clouded his memories for a moment before he shook his head and entered the shower. 

---

A few hours later of talking through it with your girls about possibly seeing a therapist about all that's going on and you were ready for bed. 

It didn't take long to drift off, you were ready to put the whole thing behind you. 

The familiar setting of purples , pinks, and hues of blue came into focus and you looked around letting the butterflies land on you again.

 You walk through the flowers and find Erik sitting by a stream of water weaving some of the flowers together. 

"What the hell, E?" You ask as you run over to him and wrap your arms around his neck

He turns to you and smiles big , his dimples on full display before shrugging. 

"It ain't perfect but it's the best I could do. They said it's like a do-over or something like that. I get a second chance but as a result of the way I did things the first time it's a lil different. Like when you restore a computer and it lose all it's files and shit. I get a new life but I'm still kinda stuck. I kinda like it though. I don't remember all the other shit when I'm awake. It really is like starting over. Shits crazy to explain when you think about it. But for you , you already know. I'd find you in this life and the next and the one after that. I don’t think I’mma ever fully remember what happened with all of that when i’m awake. I’m cool with it. It ain’t something I’m tryna remember." He says tipping your chin up to look at you and kissing you softly 

"I know. At least I get to hold you in the real world. It's just different. But guess what I saw today? I seen that bench that you and me signed all them years back. It's still there." You say to him and he places the lil flower bracelet around your wrist as y'all sit and talk for the rest of the night.

By the time you wake up with the aroma of breakfast wavering throughout the loft you feel a little better about the whole situation with Erik, not Erik. 

You opened your phone and sent him an I'm sorry gif with a few extra words inspired by Tina's wisdom tooth lie. 

 After easing into the kitchen and standing in the doorway you see the two lovebirds dancing around the kitchen singing to each other and laying food on the plates. 

"Morning lil sleepy head. Don't forget that I'll still be coming down to the center with you today for the seminar. You hungry?" Iris asks as she places the plate in your hands with a kiss to the top of the head. 

"Of course. There's a young girl, Sophie there that I really think would love to talk to you. She's just starting her transition. And her parents are wonderful but they don't really have much money. She hasn't really had the chance to get more “feminine” presenting clothes and she likes makeup.  " You say and she nods catching your drift.

"Well it'd brighten anybody's day seeing a beautiful successful trans woman like myself honey. But let's lift her spirits even more. I'm gonna bring some of the makeup I got from pr packages and some of the clothes from this collection. I really hope it helps." She answers and Tika just saunters over to her proclaiming her love for her. 

"Alright alright alright. I get it. I'm single as hell." You say laughing softly

---

Two weeks ticked by with radio silence on N'Jadaka's end. After the 4th day when he gave you the cold shoulder at a coffee shop, you decided to stop trying.

Maybe it wasn't fate and maybe you were just believing what you wanted to believe. 

You reason with yourself as you walked around the loft making notes about the new housing project you were working on. 

Finally having the house to yourself with the lovebirds gone for the day on a little adventure. You got to work budgeting and calling different areas to rent out apartments to you for women and lgbtq+ with housing insecurities. 

Your ramblings and thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door , thinking that Iri or Tika left something behind. 

"I told you to take your sunscre- Daka?" You question as he stands in front of you

You cross your arms and furrow your brows while waiting for an answer from him.

He stands for a moment like he’s trying to gather all of his thoughts together in a way that makes sense to both of you. 

"What're you doing here?" You ask putting your hand on your hip. 

He drops his shoulders and lets out a soft sigh before looking at you.

"I didn't wanna believe it. What you said that night cause like how the fuck does something like that happen? I’mma be honest.  I wanted to just believe that you were a lil off and leave it at that but something keeps telling me that you right. I can't remember shit before college and all I wanted to do was be with you. From the moment I met you in the store. I was like, this is it. This is what's missing. A piece to a puzzle that's all jumbled up." He admits and you nod slowly before letting him in. 

You walk around the kitchen getting a cup of tea for yourself and sitting a cup of coffee down on the counter for him.

“Don’t worry it’s black, I know you dont like it sweet.”

"You know I didn't exactly expect my fiancee that I buried months before to show up at a damn supermarket of all places. This isn't some movie or fanfiction. These kind of things don't happen in real life. Daka you, you had claw marks all over you. The last time I laid eyes on you. And now you're here in front of me. I thought that I was losing my mind." You say and he starts to unbutton his shirt.

"These." He says peeling his shirt off and showing you the birthmarks on his chest and shoulder.

You trace your fingers over it before leaning your head on his shoulder. 

"I asked my parents about my childhood and when I passed by my old neighborhood a few days ago andI remembered some things. I remember what happened to my other parents, in pieces. Shit’s brutal." He says dropping his gaze

"It's okay." You whisper to him and wrap your arms around him. You rocked him for a moment letting him let all of those feelings wash over him. 

He embraced you for a moment before kissing you tenderly. You tug at his bottom lip before deepening the kiss when he press you against the counter. 

"We'll figure it out... Something telling me I'd be a fuckin fool to lose you again." He says quietly against yours lips. 

"Are you gonna make love to me or are you going to keep looking at me like that?" You ask as he studies your whole face like he's looking at art. 

"A memory. It's you. We stood right here and I kissed you the same way. You were saying something like "you bring yourself home to me"." He says and you nod frantically, holding him closer to you.

"I did. It was right before you left." You admit and he nods before lifting you up onto the counter and kissing you heatedly this time. He kisses down to your breasts before looking up at permission from you to unhook your bra. 

Always a man that knows what he's doing. He takes kisses around your breasts and nipples. He takes his time to lick and caress you until he works his way down.

You shake your head yes before moving to slide off your panties but his kisses and his mouth is already beating you to it as he kisses down to your thigh.

He slides your panties off with his teeth and tosses them over his shoulder. 

You tilt your head back as you feel him wasting no time massaging over your clit and working you over with his fingers, curling them and stroking you gently. 

Your soft moans fill the room when he hooks your leg over his shoulder and begins to suckle your clit softly , swirling his tongue over it. 

"Tika will kil- Ooh god. How does your tongue feel like it's vibrating?" You ask and he only chuckles and grips onto your cheeks to bring you closer to him.

He was feasting on and devouring you like he was going to lose again and you could grind your hips down against his tongue and moan his name sweetly.

He didn't stop his tongue or fingers working in you until your legs are shaking and you're gripping at his head. 

"You have- fuck. I'm a squir-" you moan his name brokenly while trying to get out your words and lean back for a moment licking his lips before realizing what you're trying to say.

"Hold that for me. I wanna come with you." He says to you and you pout and protest as he removes his fingers. He picks you up off the counter and carries you bridal style asking you which room is yours.

"Left , left." You giggle into his shoulder as he helps you slide your dress off and you unbutton his jeans for him. 

You capture him in a kiss for a moment feeling his soft plump lips against yours again for the first time in what feels like forever. 

"It's been a long time since I've done all of this. . . Gentle." You say and he runs a calloused finger over your cheek moving a curl away from your face as he looks at you. 

He gets a quick flash of a memory of you and him in bed. You wore a smile on your face before telling him "happy anniversary".

He trailed his fingers down your body remembering almost every scar , every moment. 

When Erik got to a scar at your side. He chuckled, unlocking a memory of you two running from the neighborhood rottweiler , Smokey. 

That old ass dog hated you and he hoisted you over the fence first after being out late one night in high school. The gate had caught your side when you jumped. 

Erik felt so bad he brought you food from anywhere you wanted everyday from to school for a month. 

He leans down to place open mouthed kisses to it. 

He traced over your thighs to the cellulite and stretch marks remembering when you first got them. 

He was moving homes at the time and he wasn't ready to be further away from you yet.  You two just sat for hours at the park in the grass, talking. 

" You know white men behind all of that anyways. They want y'all to feel like you gotta look the same way. That's how they make them billions. My mama had 'em . Yo mama , and generations back. And it ain't ever stop them from being the women they are. Besides if any dirtneck nigga ever try you , just tell me. Imma handle it." He would say as you sat with your head on his lap, staring at the sun setting, knowing good and well your grandparents were gonna ground you for being late when you get home. 

They never did though cause you were with Erik they knew you were gonna be alright. 

"Nothing to worry about. I… I've never done any of that stuff before…Have you?" you question hesitantly as you stare off. 

"Tisha. From Ms. Wilkes class. We was coming from the kick back-" 

"Uh uh . That's your business , you ain't gotta tell me all of that." You say slightly upset at the fact that Tisha of all people was his first. 

----

"I got you." He says kissing your forehead then your nose before hooking your leg over his hip and easing into you slowly while his lips are still on yours. His eyes never left yours as he cupped your face sweetly like he didn't want to lose you again. 

In this moment he gets a glimpse of prom night and how things changed between the both of you forever. 

He wraps his hands around your waist. One of his hands splayed across your belly. 

He remembers the pregnancy scare you both had afterwards with him holding your hand and telling you no matter what happens he wanna be there for both of you.

Luckily, nothing came of it but you were definitely closer because of it.

You let out an open mouthed gasp at the feeling of being so full of him after so long. 

You rest your hands on his neck and shoulder and he bottoms out fully settling into you as he moves his arms next to  balance himself. 

You close your eyes as he begins to stroke into you trying to set a rhythm for you as his praises for you fall from his lips. 

He kisses his way down your neck licking the marks that are already starting to form there. 

"My lil baby." He mutters out after licking a freshly formed hickey forming on top of your breasts. 

You open your eyes slowly , looking at him and the way he's looking at you . 

"It's been way too long since I've heard that from you. You're remembering?" You ask quietly as you let out a soft moan.

N'Jadaka's muscles flex and tighten as he picks up his pace. His abs clenched as he  pulls out almost completely and filled you at a different angle.

 The sounds of your moans filling the room with every stride and stroke of his hips,  it seems like you're closer to floating in space. The man was fucking you like his life depended on it and at this point all you could do is wrap your arms around him again to comfort you as he shutters and rolls his hips deeper into you. Your walls tighten around him as you relish in the feeling of him. 

"Fuck. I remember all of it." He says half chuckling at the way it's coming to him and half nearly in tears cause he really missed being with you. 

"I also remember that this is your favourite position cause you like to see my face." He teases before leaning down to kiss you again with them plump ass lips.

"E?" You ask , grabbing his face with trembling hands.

"Baby?" You ask again 

He moves his hands from your waist and places your hands in his. Then moving them above your head as he flashes in between making love to you for the last time and now.

You roll over with him and place your hands on your chest riding him slowly getting the rhythm as he strokes into you from below. 

He laughs softly when he realizes what you're doing. 

"Are you spelling my fucking name , baby?" He asks and you tell him that you can spell both.

You let out a whimper when he brushes your spot and let him take over as he runs his hands over your thighs to your butt and over your back as he strokes into you. 

He plants his feet on the bed and work your hips in rhythm with him. 

It didn't take long for you to orgasm with a loud shriek of his name . You had forgotten how he gets when he's close as his hands on gripping all over your thighs and your back. You were already feeling sensitive with your second orgasm coming through and this man felt like he was trying to put it in your belly. 

He rolls you onto your side giving it to you deeply. 

With a loud hiss and panting from him he cums , holding you in his arms.

"I don't think it has felt like that since our birthday last year." He says into your ear as he pulls you closer into his arms. 

He engulfs you fully in his embrace and presses a kiss to the side of your head. 

You laugh softly and roll over to face him , resting your forehead against his.

"I remember. You took me to Paris. I had never been and at the time I was obsessed with everything Parisian. We fucked on the balcony and somehow I ended up popping the straps to my favorite dress. You still owe me by the way." You tease and he shakes his head laughing. 

"I think we ended up saving they marriage from across the way though. They was arguing the whole time. Then they gon watch us like we ain't see them." Erik says laughing as he squeezes your thigh playfully.

"I know they was trying some things." You joke 

"I missed you so much. You don't even understand." You admit with a somehow saddened and relieved expression. 

"I know.  I want to start over this time. All of that Erik Killmonger shit is over with. I wanna keep the name N'Jadaka and just start over. All of that was too heavy on me to carry. I wanna let it all go. I wanna do it right with you." He explains 

"Good because if you put me through that again. Wakanda will be the least of your damn worries." You say to him and he nods giving you his word, sealed with a kiss.

"It'll be alright. Everything happens for a reason. And I think that right now a bath needs to happen and I'm gonna need you to do that thing again that you did in the kitchen cause I'm tryna figure out when you learned that-" 

At some point after the bubble bath/ shower combo you were both out like a light until Iri and Tika decide to come busting in like they usually do with little gifts and food for you. 

"Guess who's your fave- SHE GOT A WHOLEASS MAN IN HER BED" Iri announces to Tika before your pillow hits the door as she closes it. 

"Sorry about that. This is kinda our cuddle hour so they're used to just coming on in." You say sleepily and he just laughs it off while holding you closer. 

"It's all good. I remember that I ain't know them much before but when we did spend time with them, they were good people." He says, still trying to piece it together.  

----

You fell asleep more peacefully than you had in a long time. Now granted, good sex didn't fix the many layers of issues and mysticism surrounding everything.

But for now, you knew that you had him, you had your girls, family and your business. Everything felt alright again. 

Right up until the point of sleeping through the first alarm to meet the property owners.

"Bae. Bae your phone going off." N'Jadaka whispers in the dark room , voice still riddled with sleep and grogginess. 

"Shit. Shit. I'm gonna be so late." You call out , quickly jumping out of bed and stumbling around the room. 

It takes you about 25 minutes to speed through getting dressed in your best skirt suit. 

N'Jadaka sits on the end of the bed putting on his shoes and watching you shuffle around. 

He had offered to drive you there and stay with you and check out the property with you. 

He slows you down by grabbing you by your arms gently and placing a kiss to your lips. 

"Good morning, handsome. Let's go" 

You walk through the living room with Iri and Tika already posted up in the kitchen placing two breakfast burritos in a container to grab and go. 

You grab your things from the counter all while thanking them and jetting towards the door.

"Good luck pooh!" Tika calls after you. 

"Byyyyeeee Dakaaaa" they call out after him

---

"Here it is . These are the apartments. I know they don't look like much now from the outside. But from the pictures it looks great. And they'll be safe and comfortable here-" you babble on to N'Jadaka while you both stand outside of the building where Erik grew up , until you notice two women walking to  a car that clearly wasn't from this area. 

You notice Shuri and your breath hitches in your throat. 

Frozen in your anxiety, the seconds ticked by and it was too late to leave. She looked you dead in the eye and then at N'Jadaka like she had seen a ghost.

She gasped and Nakia followed the eyes before back into the car. 

"SHURI WAIT - PLEASE" you yell out to them but the car was already speeding  away. 

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[saibh29]

Southside Girl

Pairings: Jay Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Violence, Gunshots, 

AN: I had fun with this one so I hope everyone enjoys. it’s a little different from the request but the main theme is the same.

Y/N is Jay's High School friend and she gets a job at Med as a nurse. She has always been in love with Jay, but what happens when she gets shot? Does Jay reveal his true feelings to Will?

******

You’d been at MED now for a few months, long enough to know where everything was, where all the trauma equipment was kept and most importantly, in your opinion, the fastest route to the cafeteria and therefore the coffee machine.

You had only been back in Chicago for about 5 months now. After growing up on the South Side of the city, you’d somehow dragged yourself through high school with passing grades and gotten into college on the West Coast.

Living in California had definitely gotten you out of the habit of cold Winters which is why when you came into the ED that morning it was hard to even recognise if it was you under the multiple layers of coats, scarves, gloves and varying other warmth providing equipment.

“Y/N? That even you under all that?” Maggie peered curiously between the layers of clothing trying to find your eyes.

“All that California sun turn you weak Y/L/N?”

“Shut it Halstead” you snapped unwrapping a scarf to glower at Will who was grinning at you from behind his fancy Doctor Tablet.

As a kid you’d grown up a few streets over from the Halstead’s, had in fact been a year behind the younger brother, Jay, at school. It gave you a unique position to take the piss out of the doctor without getting in too much trouble.

“Oh, that’s Y/N alright. No one else is quite that vicious this early in the morning. What’s the matter nugget didn’t have your coffee yet?”

“Halstead, I swear…”

Whatever it was you were about to swear to you’d both never know because Maggie inserted herself between the two of you. “Children. Down” she fixed both of you with a stare that made the most argumentative patient sit down and shut up. “There’s a trauma call coming in, your brother’s bringing him in. Think you can not jump for each other’s throats long enough to treat the patient?”

Patients would be the one thing that could make you both behave long enough to actually get along. If there was one thing you could both agree on it was that your jobs were important and patients always took priority.

However, when this patient got wheeled in still screaming and yelling with Jay walking beside him it knocked you back more than you were willing to admit.

You recognised that patient. The one with blood pooling around what looked to be a gunshot to the abdomen.

“Alex?” the trolley he was on was rolled past you and frantic eyes locked on you.

“Y/N, fuck, you gotta help me Y/N. They shot me! They fucking shot me!”

Jay was scowling furiously at Alex as the trolley was wheeled into a cubicle, he grabbed your wrist before you could go in as well.

“Get another nurse to deal with him”

“What?” you yanked at your wrist “Jay let go of me”

“Get another nurse Y/N”

“Your being ridiculous Halstead”

“For what? Not wanting you to treat your gang banger ex-boyfriend”

“Y/N, I got this one” April went into the cubicle leaving you still stood with Jay’s hand manacled around your wrist.

“What the hell Jay” you hissed at him, eyes narrowing. “What gives you the right?”

You were attracting quite the crowd of interested viewers to your little argument which was the point where using your spare hand you pushed at his chest so you were no longer in the middle of the ED.

“Aren’t you breaking some sort of rule by treating someone you know anyway?”

“I don’t know Alex, and let go of me Jay” you pulled once more at your wrist and this time he did finally let you go. “We dated for a few months nothing more”

“Yeah, and I never understood why you even did that much!”

That was it, your temper finally exploded. It was notoriously unstable and Jay had just pushed the final button.

“Maybe because Halstead he at least recognised that I was a WOMAN!” you spun away from an opened mouthed Jay and stalked away towards where Maggie was watching you. “Patient?”

“Trauma 3”

You grabbed the file from her and without giving a backwards glance to anyone else in the ED you made for Trauma 3.

 ********

So ok, time to come clean with yourself, you may have had a massive, childish crush on Jay Halstead ever since you’d been old enough to realise that boys held a certain attraction that girls didn’t. Jay however, had spent most his teenage years chasing everything in a skirt that wasn’t you, and to make it worse you’d then been forced to listen to his stories about these conquests.

You’d dated Alex mainly as an act of rebellion to see if you could finally get his attention. All it had done though was made Jay moody and distant. When you’d left for California and college you’d barely been speaking and since you’d gotten back it hadn’t exactly been smooth sailing either.

Having him stop you doing your job was still grating on you when Will came over a little later.

“He just cares, you know that”

“Don’t start with me Will”

Will watched you filling in charts for a moment. “I mean it Y/N he might not exactly have gone about it in the right way today, but he only did it because he cares about you”

“Then he has a crappy way of showing it” you snapped “how is Alex?”

“He’ll live” Will was clearly debating whether to tell you the next part, making up his mind though he turned to face you completely. “He’s asking to see you”

“Oh?”

“He has some very vivid memories of you”

“Just don’t start Will” you begged “I am not the little kid who used to follow Jay around like a little puppy anymore. I'm an adult, I moved on”

“Really?” he didn’t sound like he believed you. “And Y/N you were never just a kid who followed Will around to me. You were part of our family, you know that”

“I know that” admitting that got rid of the concern on Will’s face then you put it straight back on my telling him you were going to go and see what Alex wanted.

Jay saw where you were heading and angrily marched around to try and cut you off, Will caught him before hand though and whispered something harshly into his ear. Jay started and looked up at his brother, leaving you plenty of time to slip into Alex’s room.

 *****

Afterwards you wouldn’t be able to explain what had happened, you’d gone into the cubicle, were talking to a still agitated Alex and then… well things went to hell in a hand basket.

Jay came in which just made Alex even more frantic, he started yelling about a conspiracy between Jay and Will to put him in prison for what had gone down with you all as kids, Jay was trying to tell him that wasn’t true but Alex suddenly lurched sideways to the officer who’d been placed on his bedside and came up with his weapon.

The next thing you knew, the gun had gone off and you were sat on the floor with blood coming from your arm.

Everything had really gone crazy at that point.

Alex was screaming.

Jay was wrestling the gun away.

Dr Choi and April were crouched in front of you asking you questions.

Then, you were up moved to another room and were sat on a trolley being a patient yourself as the wound on your upper arm was stitched and bandaged.

That had been about an hour ago, the pain in your arm had numbed due to some wonderful pain killers and you were still sat on the edge of a bed trying to figure out what exactly had happened.

“Hey… can I come in?”

Jay, or at least Jay’s head was poking around the curtain covering the small room you were in. You stared at the floating head for a minute before nodding “yeah, why not”

The rest of Jay appeared coming over to stand in front of you, eyes glued to your arm and the bandage covering it. “You, uh... you alright?”

“Sure. I guess, I mean I’ve never been shot before so I'm not really sure what I'm meant to be feeling”

Saying the word ‘shot’ out loud made you feel a bit sick and Jay was clearly feeling it as well because his face had gone pale and anger was floating around in his eyes. “Why the hell did you even go in there?”

“Why wouldn’t I Jay? How was I meant to know that he was going to go apeshit and shoot me?”

“He’s always been dangerous Y/N. You should’ve known better”

“Really Jay? He’s always been dangerous? It’s Alex. We’ve known him since we were kids”

“Which is why you should have known better”

There was no end to this argument and you just didn’t have the energy to fight with him right then. The air puffed out of your lungs and you let your head drop forward so your chin was touching your chest.

You felt the bed dip as Jay sat down beside you. “What did you mean?” his voice was quiet again, serious.

“What did I mean when?”

“When you said he saw you as woman?” you cringed, you had shouted that at him. Damn you and your big mouth. “Do you think I didn’t?”

You forced yourself to look over at him “Did you?” Jay was the one who cringed this time. “It’s alright Jay, I got over it a long time ago, the crush on the bad Halstead. Long gone”

“You had a crush on me?”

“Seriously? Please don’t pretend like you didn’t know. I used to follow you round like a puppy”

Jay’s nose wrinkled in confusion. “I didn’t. I swear. Hell if I had…” he trailed off going back to staring at his hands.

“Jay?”

Biting his lip, he made his mind up about something because he looked back at you with definite determination in his eyes. “I hated Alex since the moment you two started dating, want to know why?”

“Why?”

“I was jealous. Furiously jealous”

“Jealous” it was your turn for confusion to cover your face. “Jealous of what?”

“Of him, of him and you together”

“Oh…”

Hesitantly Jay reached out his hand to take your own linking your fingers together. “You weren’t the only one with a crush Y/N”

Well that took the metaphorical wind right out of your sails. You’d honestly had no idea that Jay liked you as anything more than a friend. Something warm settled in your stomach and like a giddy teenager butterflies fluttered in your chest. Then, you really processed what he’d said and that fire was rapidly put out.

“Weren’t, past tense”

You hadn’t framed it as a question but Jay obviously took it as one. Slowly, giving you all too much time to change your mind Jay put his arm around your waist pulling you across the bed and into his body.

“Not so past” he whispered with his face close to yours. “Yours?”

“Present. Very present”

With a smirk on his face that you used to see directed at every girl other than you Jay closed the final few inches between you and kissed you. Mouth moving over your own and sending tingles down all your limbs. Jesus the man could kiss.

“Well about fucking time” You jumped away from Jay like a guilty teenager finding Will stood in the doorway with a grin on his face you really didn’t like. “And it only took Y/N getting shot for you to finally man up and tell her Bro”

“Shut up” Jay hissed.

“And hey, I won’t have to listen to her moan about you anymore”

“Shut up Will” you snapped as well.

Will just laughed leaving you alone once again as you and Jay turned back to face each other. Embarrassing, yes, but at least Will had a point. It had taken a gunshot but you and Jay had finally admitted how’d you felt since you were teenagers.

*****

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[ruthoakenshield]

The Lady in the Black Leather (Ch 21)

Catch up here [chapter 20]

Aiden x Scarlett, Graham McTavish, Reader

You, Aiden & Scarlett visit for a while, then Graham shows up with a pretty bouquet of brightly colored daisies and mums with a big sunflower in the middle of it, and a tray with two coffee cups and a brown paper bag in the other hand. He had a ‘get well’ balloon also for you, which was tied to the vase of flowers.

You giggle and thank him for them. He grins and sets the flowers and balloon down on the windowsill next to the ones from Aiden and Scarlett.

He comes and gives you a little hug and kisses your forehead. “How’s my girl doin?” he asks.

You grin, “Don’t let Rich hear you say that!” you tease.

He grins, “Well, me and Gwen laid claim to ya before Rich did, so he’ll have to just deal with it.” He says cheekily, making you giggle. “So, how are ya doin?” he asks.

You shrug. “Tired, my leg hurts, and I’m hungry.” you reply and grin when he sets a bag on the table and hands you a french vanilla cappuccino from the tray.

“Well, breakfast is here now, so at least ya won’t be hungry anymore.” He chuckles. “Don’t they have ya on pain meds?” he asks you.

“Yeah, but I told the nurse I didn’t want them till I had some breakfast in me. I’ll get them in a bit.” You tell Graham.

Grinning, you dig into the bag, seeing pastries like what Todd has delivered each morning. You look up at Graham. “Where did you get these from? They look like the ones Todd has delivered each morning at the shop!” you ask.

He grins. “I got them from the pastry shop that he gets his from. They asked why his shop was closed and then saw the note Rich left on the door this morning. They said to tell ye and Todd that they wish ye both a speedy recovery!” he says with a smile

You grin and take a bite of a strawberry scone and let out a happy little groan. “I love these ones! These and the doughnuts with the icing and the strawberry or cherry fillings! OOOooohhh they are the BEST!” you giggle.

There’s a knock at the door and a young lady is standing at the door with two big bouquets of flowers. “Excuse me Miss, but are you Harley?” she asks.

You nod. “Yes.”

She comes in and tells you, “These are for you. Where would you like them?” She asks.

Your jaw drops. One bouquet is two dozen red and pink roses with baby’s breath and purple lavender filler. The other is a bouquet of 6 yellow roses, brightly colored fuji mums and daisies that were colored brightly with food coloring.

Scarlett gets up and takes the bouquet of red and pink roses. She sets it down on the table and looks for a card. “Aaahhh! Here it is!” she says and hands you the card.

You open it up and see it’s from Richard. “For the love of my life. You mean the world to me, Sweetheart. I hope these brighten your day. I’m thinking about you & know I love you more than anything in the universe! Xoxo – Rich”

You grin and show it to Graham, Aiden & Scarlett. They all smile, and Scarlett puts the card back on the plastic stand and Graham takes the bouquet and puts it on the windowsill next to the other ones.

The delivery gal hands Scarlett the other big bouquet and then heads out to do more deliveries after you thank her for bringing them up.

Scarlett digs around in the bouquet and finds another card. She hands it to you, and you open it up to see it is from the Police Department that Alex, Todd and Jack worked for. It said, “Heard what happened, wishing you a speedy recovery! Our thoughts and prayers are with you! – Inspector Kathleen Walsh & your friends at the NYPD 19th Precinct.”

You look at Graham and Scarlett in surprise. “The police department sent me flowers?” Graham chuckles. “Apparently so Sweetheart!”

You shake your head in disbelief. “Well, that was nice!” you state.

They all nod. Graham takes the flowers and puts them on the windowsill as well. “You’re getting quite the collection, Sweetie!” Scarlett teases you.

You grin. “They’re making my room smell nice, that’s for sure!” you say, grinning.

Your doctor knocks on the door casing and then steps in. He talks with you for a bit and checks the wounds on your leg after shooing everyone out into the hall.

He asks you about all the scars on your legs and you explain they go all the way up onto your crotch. You tell him that the ones on your legs were from your last three boyfriends you had before meeting Richard. And you tell him the ones on your crotch were from the ex-boyfriend, Ben, who shot you. You ask him to make a note of you telling him that to put in your medical file. That you don’t want anyone thinking it was Richard who gave you them. You explain you never had reported the abuse from your ex boyfriends because of fear since the ex-boyfriends had all threatened you that if you told they’d go after you and your family. He nods in understanding and makes a note of it in your file.

He tells you that he doesn’t want you walking on the leg for a few days, and that you may use the crutches ONLY to get from your bed to the restroom in your room and then back to your bed for now. You nod. He asks if you need any stronger pain meds and you shake your head.

“I’m due for them when the nurse comes back with them. I told her I wanted to wait to take them till I had some breakfast in me first.” You reply.

He nods and tells you he will check in with you tomorrow morning then and tells you to have a good day.

Your friends come back in after the Doctor leaves and they have another two bouquets. You roll your eyes and giggle. “Now who are these from?” you ask.

Graham sets a small oblong flowerpot on the table with Hyacinths, tulips, daffodils and crocuses on the table in front of you. You grin and take a deep breath. “Oooohhh! Those smell wonderful!!!” you pull the card off the flower pick and read it. It’s from Captain Angel L. Figueroa Jr. & the NYPD 1st precinct and says: “Wishing you a speedy recovery, Harley! Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you recover!”

“Awwww! That’s sweet!” you say and put the card back on the flower pick.

Scarlett takes the planter and puts in on the shelf by the sink so you can smell them when people open the door to enter and exit.

The other bouquet is pink and white stargazer lilies and hot pink roses and lighter pink carnations with some greens. You look at the card and see it’s from Lee Pace. It reads: “Wishing you a speedy recovery and hope you and Phantom are doing well.”

“Oh! Those smell lovely too! It’s gonna smell like a flower shop in here!’ you giggle.

Graham and Aiden chuckle and Graham adds the flowers to your collection on the windowsill.

Scarlett looks at the time and nudges Aiden, who glances up at the clock and sees they need to get going to the studios. “We gotta get going, Harley. I gotta film some scenes this afternoon, and Scarlett’s gonna go check on the shop for you and Todd.” He tells you.

They both give you a hug and tell you they will see you later on. You wave goodbye and they head out.

The nurse comes in with your pain meds. “Are you ready for your meds, Harley?”

You nod and she gives them to you. You down them with your water and she makes a note in your chart on the hospital’s computer. Then she heads out after seeing if you needed anything.

You look at Graham and say, “Now what do we do?”

He chuckles. “Well, what would you like to do?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. Graham, can you tell me about your family? I don’t even know their names, you said your wife told you to tell me ‘welcome to the family’.” You said. “You must’ve been telling her about me.”

He chuckled. “Aye, Lass, I told her ‘bout you. How I met you, and how I was tryin’ to hook ya up with Rich. She wanted to see what ya looked like, so I sent her the pics I took.” He explained. “Didn’t want her worrying if the Papparazzi snuck photos of us when we all do stuff together.

Scarlet told me your parents died a few years ago and I mentioned it to Gwen… It was her idea, actually, to ‘adopt’ you, so to speak.” He giggled. Gwen is my wife. Our two daughters are Hope and Honor.” He tells you, “Honor was born in 2006 and Hope was born in 2012.” He says beaming with pride. “I’ll show you pics of them later.” He says. “They live in New Zealand where we have a house.” He tells you.

You look at him surprised. “I thought you were from Scotland, though?” you ask.

He chuckles. “I am, Lass, but I’ve lived all over the world. We decided to settle in New Zealand, though, after living there while we filmed The Hobbit.” He explained.

“Oh! I saw a lot of the bonus features on my Extended Edition DVD’s of the Hobbit. It looks absolutely wonderful! It’s on my bucket list of places to visit someday.” You tell him with a big grin.

He chuckles, “Well, Lass. I’m sure Rich wouldn’t bat an eye taking you to come visit us there. He loved it there as much as we did and considered buying property there, but he’s so busy with filming and such, he said he’d rather wait till he got older and started to slow down with work.” Graham tells you.

“Graham?” you ask.

“Yeah, Sweetheart?” he replies.

“I want to do something special for Rich, but I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t like to talk about himself, so trying to find out what kinds of things he likes, I’m finding is rather difficult. Do you think you could help me?” you ask. “I know he likes chocolate ice cream, wine, legos and reading. But that’s about it.”

Graham chuckles. “Yeah, he is an introvert and shy, so whenever people ask him personal questions, he tends to shy away from them.” He tells you. He gives you a few ideas of things Richard would like and suggests to just be observant, “You’ll learn more about him from just observing and listening, than from anything else, Lass.

He’s moody and grumpy sometimes, but don’t let it get to you. It’s just how he gets into characters he portrays. He’ll often take them home with him and struggle to let ‘em go. Maybe having you around will help ‘im with that, Lass.” Graham tells you.

“There’s so much I don’t know about the film industry.” You sigh. “I’ve never seen how one is made from start to finish. He asked if I’d come with him when he travels for the promotional stuff for the film too. I’ve never traveled very much tho. He said something about finding out the details for taking Phantom with too, so I’d feel safe.” You tell Graham.

Graham grins. “It would be nice for him to have ye with, Lass. I know I’d enjoy having you with us. My wife and kids don’t travel much with me. It’s such a long flight from New Zealand to the US and Europe that they don’t make it very often to join me for premieres. It’s a whirlwind of a time, and is exhausting, but it’s a lot of fun too. You get to meet a lot of people and just sit back, relax and talk about the film with interviewers. If you do come with, we’ll be sure ya are well taken care of.” He tells you.

You giggle and grin. “Graham, did you get my dress from Aiden’s? Don’t let Rich know anything about the dress. I don’t want him to see it or see me in it until he picks me up for the event! I want it to be a surprise!” you tell him.

He gives you a positively evil smirk and says, “Your wish, is my command, Sweetie. And yes, I picked it up from Aiden’s last night before I headed home. It’s in my closet in my bedroom, which he won’t dare go into. Scarlett said I should hang it up so it wouldn’t crease the velvet.” He tells you. “I’ll take ye to go have it altered to fit ye when they let ye outta here.” He says.

You grin and happily clap your hands. “I can’t wait!

Graham chuckles and rubs his beard, thinking.

“Graham, do you ever do Skype or Zoom or FaceTime your family? You’re always saying I remind you of your daughters.” You tell him. “I thought it would be nice to say hi to them and talk with them and your wife, if it was okay with you. I don’t know how the time differences work between there and here though.” You mention to him.

He glances up at the clock and you can see him working out the time differences in his head.

“Well, Lass, it’s about 1am there right now. Well, if ya can wait till around 3 or 4 pm our time this afternoon which should be able to give them time to get up and get ready, then we can give them a zoom call, we’ll say “Hi” and I’ll introduce ya to them!” he tells you.

“For now, though, what do ya want to do?” he asks. Phantom comes over and sniffs all the flowers on the windowsill and ‘wuffs’ at them.

“What? Don’t you like all my pretty flowers, Phantom?” you ask. He chuffs and comes walking over to your bedside. Graham smiles and gives him a good scratch. “Do ya need to go outside, Boy?” he asks.

Phantom gives a short yip and Graham stands up. “I’ll go take him out to do his business, then we’ll be right back, Sweetheart. Did someone take him out last night or this morning?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe the officer had one of the nurses take Phantom out. You’d have to ask him.” You tell Graham.

He nods and clips the leash on Phantom after he adjusts the service jacket. They head out and Graham stops to talk with the officer. The officer tells him he had one of the nurses take Phantom outside when he needed to go to the bathroom, and she brought him right back up. He did say they played with the rope toy for a bit having a tug of war.

Graham chuckled. “All right. Well, we’ll be back in a bit.” He tells the officer.

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[fandom-collective-writers]

Period Headcannons

Requested By: @bouncer-rabbit Written by: @hellasweetyanderes, @alloveroliver and @lil-creatorwritings Suitors: Luka, Jonah, Ray, Fenrir, Kyle and Sirius

We know that Sirius wasn’t part of the original ask, but we decided to add him to the list! Hope you guys like it as much as we had fun writing it~

Luka Clemence (by @hellasweetyanderes)

The most lowkey about it he has lots of secret stashes of products in case anyone needs them and just subtly leaves them within reach without anyone realizing who their helpful friend is. Which leaves a lot of wishful people in the black army sad they can't thank this mysterious stranger for helping them out

Said wishful people including you decide to find out the truth for themselves which leaves to a little goose chase across the black army hq trying to figure out who it is

Once all of you discover the truth no one ever really talks about it again but it becomes a normal thing for Luka to find cute lil notes or gifts around hq eventually, you end up being caught by him when he puts two and two together and he is overwhelmed again by everyone's gifts of thanks to him that he feels like he doesn't deserve because to him it was just being nice and not doing anything overly special….

For your pain Luka will always give you some meds and warm up a heating pad and have you lie down. If you are the type that tries to work despite their pain he will really really be close to tying you up if you refuse to rest.

Luka deals with you moodiness the best despite his own ever changing nature and he smooths things over if you are likely to snap at someone and hopefully someone helps the poor fool that is cruel to you and gets you to cry because he will be fighting them

Jonah Clemence (by @hellasweetyanderes)

When you are moody at first he handles it very poorly which causes a slight rift between the two of you. You are more than surprised when the hints you are dropping are going over his head and you learn he doesn't have a single clue.

As it turns out he is completely oblivious because his family was always very sheltering towards their heir and thought it was below his status to deal with such things.

He reads up on what he can from the subtle things you say but he still doesn't understand it all tho so he goes to you and asks a whole bunch of questions which then causes him to square up once he finally understands.

Since then he keeps track of your cycle and he is always overly sweet to you and tries his best to help you but he sometimes messes up so please tell him when he does or he will feel like a failure of a boyfriend.

For your pain Jonah does whatever he needs asap to get you to feel better be it finding some medicine for cramps or making something but he draws the line if you crave something he knows will only give you worse cramps gets you the closest thing to it because of how awful he remembers your pain the first time he made the mistake.

He's gonna throw a hissy fit if you try to work as you feel like your stomach is being stabbed. He will literally cry and then make you cry and both of you are forced to cuddle and play with Pine for the rest of the day.

Ray Blackwell (by @lil-creatorwritings)

He'll notice the subtle hints of your PMS--your rapid mood swings, always complaining about how bloated you feel, being warmer when you cuddle together, seeking for sour or sweet things, but he doesn't know it's your PMS. He's a bit surprised when you mentioned it the first time--being surrounded by men in the headquarters makes him forget about these things--and says to call him if you ever needed anything, even if he's busy with work.

Ray will always hug or cuddle with you when you need the intimacy with Belle taking his place when he's busy with work or meetings. He'll rub your back or stroke your hair in an attempt to help you relax. Belle will snuggle up to you and his little purrs often makes you smile.

When you’re in public, he’ll let you squeeze his hand as tight as you need to when you’re having cramps. It’s one way of letting him know of it, which makes him more aware and would do what he can to help you feel better. He knows that you don’t like making too much small talk when it hurts so he’ll save you the conversation for later and make a swift getaway from people if you’re digging your nails in his palm.

He’s too shy to buy you pads or tampons, but he’s not going to let you know. He will valiantly try on his own, because he goes to the store as your boyfriend, not the King. The look of pain on your face as you try to get out of bed reminds him why he’s there, but in the end, he asks for Sirius to come along with him. Sometimes Seth will butt in and come with him instead.

He’ll deal with your swinging emotions as calmly as he can. Ray’s not one to lose a temper, especially knowing that it’s because of your period and hormones. He’ll let you throw the tantrum and when you’re done, he’ll ask you if you’re okay and take care of you. That often involves hugs and a quiet apology, because you’ve embarrassed yourself with the outburst, but he always reassures you in the end.

Fenrir Godspeed (by @lil-creatorwritings​)

He’s shocked the first time it happens. You’re in too much pain to let him know, and he’s just sitting beside you, his face knotted in a worried expression. He’s asking all kinds of question--where, how much, what it feels like, what you need--simultaneously, and you have to grab his shoulder and squeeze tightly to get him to focus. Fenrir eventually calms down when you explain it to him after the cramps.

Fenrir asks you one time how does cramps feel like, and the description of “it feels like someone’s stabbing your stomach with a sharp knife again and again” leaves him horrified. Now, he always gives you piggy back rides when you need to go to places when you’re having a cramps. Once, he’s carried you all the way back to headquarters from Blanc’s place, since the roads were very bumpy and he figured that you’d end up hurting more if you took the carriage back.

He loves surprising you with little things, so the morning that he brought you some breakfast in bed, he was rattled when you started crying. You thought it was adorable and sweet of him to do so, and you managed to communicate this in between sobs. Now every time you cry over a surprise from him, he does his best to make you laugh and smile instead.

Fenrir will start stocking up on your cravings, no matter how weird they might be. You previously asked him for some bacon and chocolate, then vanilla ice cream and french fries. It’s a weird combination and you’re not sure how to explain it to him either, but he always gets you whatever you want.

He notices that you get tired faster on your period, so he helps out with whatever task you needed to do for today. Sometimes he’ll just make you sit and settle down, taking care of it himself when you’re too tired. He’ll always accompany you on your grocery trips and carry the bags for you all the way back home.

Kyle Ash (by @alloveroliver)

It’s just after breakfast when Alice and Kyle begin to chat about their plans for the day. Alice has some errands she needs to run in the Central Quarter and a few other tasks around the barracks to be completed at once.

Just as Kyle begins to discuss his full weekend schedule with her, Alice clutches her abdomen. The pain starts to twist her insides making her brows scrunch and her teeth grit. Kyle's voice becomes nothing but a mumble to her as his words are lost in the intense pain that overcomes her. Soon, the pain subsides, and Alice takes in a few deep breaths. Kyle’s cold hand comes up to rest on her forearm, bringing her mind back into the present room.

”Are you okay?” Her boyfriend asks after a long pause. “Mm, I’ll be fine. I think my cramps have started.” She bites her lip as another painful wave radiates from her stomach. Someone walks into the dining hall, and Kyle leans forward to her to whisper. “Let’s get you back to your room, and you can rest for a bit.”

She agrees, and he helps walk her back. His arm is behind her back, and Alice moves away. “I don't want to be touched right now.” She quips, crossing her arms as they approach the bedroom door. “That’s fine.” Kyle smiles, lifting his hands in the air in surrender. “Just let me know how I can help you.”

Alice lays on the bed, curled up in a ball while Kyle lists off things that might be able to help. Alice agrees to let him get her a heating pad and a cold rag for her forehead. The duality of the temperatures on her body helps subside the pain, allowing for a minor distraction while also easing her stomach muscles. Kyle offers a variety of her favorite cravings, but Alice waves him off. After eating breakfast, she's too full for any more snacks. Kyle gives her proper pain medication and lays with her in bed on his own side.  He distracts her with silly stories of his times at the bar, dumb things he barely remembers and some he remembers too well.

After the pain medication begins to kick in, Kyle makes plans to help her with all her task for the next day. All her errands and tasks at the army barracks would be finished quickly with his help. Alice smiles at her caring boyfriend, touching his arm from the other side of the bed. “Thank you, Kyle. You’re the best boyfriend a gal could ask for.” She jokes finally since the pain had begun to subside. Kyle blushes and averts his eyes. “I’m just doing what anyone should be doing…”

Sirius Oswald (by @alloveroliver)

Dinner with the black army officers was going well until Sirius noticed that Alice began to speak less and less. Eventually, she wasn’t responding to any aspect of the conversating making him suspicious. She seemed immensely distracted, staring down at her half-eaten plate.

“Are you going to finish up your meal, little lady? It’s unlike you to-” “Shh, please stop talking for just a moment I can't concentrate…” He hears the strain in her voice and grows even more concerned. He drops his utensils and wipes his mouth the napkin. Waiting patiently, he watches her face relax again before speaking. “Would you like for me to take you to our room for the evening?” He whispers just to where they can hear. Alice nods her head yes and puts her hand on his shoulder to stand. The cramps still roll through her abdomen as Sirius excuses them from dinner and leaves to the hallway.

As they walk towards their bedroom, Alice stops along the way to allow for the white-hot pain to pass. Sirius offers quietly to carry her, making sure their conversation can only be heard between them alone. With a huge grin, she agrees. She wraps her arms around his neck, and Sirius moves his down her back and under her knees. He easily carries her down the long halls until they meet their destination. Once inside he lays her on the couch and gives her several pillows to cuddle with.

”Would you like for me to draw you a hot bath. I can add some essential oils and bath salts?” Sirius rubs her back as the pain shoots up her spine. A groggy “Yes... “ followed by a weak whimper comes from her as she presses her face in the plush pillow. He's slow to leave her side, but when he does, he rushes to prepare everything. He drips a few drops of lavender essential oil to help relax her, into the running bath water. The warm steam wafts through the bathroom while he adds a cup full of bath salts that prove to help aid in easing weary muscles. Sirius rolls up his sleeve and mixes the salts into the water making sure they dissolve before getting Alice.

He helps her out of the bedroom and into the warm bathroom. Then aids in putting her hair up in a high bun so it won't get wet. Sirius prepares her a sizeable fluffy towel while she undresses and sinks her body into the water. He leaves her to soak in the bath for a long while. Almost an hour goes by before Sirius returns with a large glass of water and some candied ginger. The ginger should help her turmoiled stomach since cramps are known to make her nauseous, while also giving her something sweet to snack on. He lets her relax and rest for the remainder of the day, making sure he brings by her after-dinner dessert. He’s checking in on her after each of his meetings and paperwork bringing something new to help in any way he can.

[pettybkang]

CANDY

Group: The Rose.  

Pairing: Y/N + Sammy.

Genre: College!AU sorta, soft romance. 

Word count: 5k+

Description:  “It’s going to be fun! Come on, you can’t spend your entire life going to all your gay clubs only!” Lola said, dragging Y/N by the hand. She wanted to say that yes, she could. Or yes, she would. Where else would she be able to dress however she wants, kiss whoever she wants and also not be grabbed by straight dudes who think women belong to them? But Lola has asked her nicely - she threatened her - and she said yes - had no other choice.

“Honestly… I have no idea why I let you drag me all the way here tonight,” Y/N said the moment they arrived at the club. It was packed and the line was almost too long for her to handle, but her friend - Lola - told her they were on the list. Lola apparently knows the owner of the club, they apparently lived in the same neighborhood as a kid and Y/N wants to yell that when you were born in North Dakota everyone pretty much assumes you lived in the same neighborhood, it doesn’t matter how big the state is. But they are in New York now and she doesn’t wanna sound like someone who lived her entire life in Detroit.

“It’s going to be fun! Come on, you can’t spend your entire life going to all your gay clubs only!” Lola said, dragging Y/N by the hand. She wanted to say that yes, she could. Or yes, she would. Where else would she be able to dress however she wants, kiss whoever she wants and also not be grabbed by straight dudes who think women belong to them? But Lola has asked her nicely - she threatened her - and she said yes - had no other choice.

Maybe the Department of Neurosurgery wasn’t the best place to make friends, Y/N thought, because the only friend she had was dragging her to the straight club two weeks before finals. She was supposed to be spending all of her free time at the labs, the library or bothering her professors with e-mails at 4am. But Lola knows how much of a procrastinator Y/N is and she also knows her friend likes to solve everything with a great shot of tequila.

Y/N had tried several different outfits for the night but ended up wearing black pants, a black and oversized cropped top and a leather jacket just in case. She had shoved her wallet and phone in her pockets and was wearing a pair of boots - unfortunately, Lola had taken her to one of those clubs where you can’t get in if you’re not wearing heels, so her boots had some. Y/N took a deep breath, reminded herself that it would be Lola’s birthday in a week and tried to put on a smile.

They did get in super fast, their names were on the list. Lola knew more people than Y/N expected, which made her wonder how many hours of sleep her friend has a night. It’s true that Neurosurgeons rarely sleep, but it’s also true that they don’t have a lot of friends… like Lola apparently has. They got in, greeted a lot of people, and managed to order themselves drinks.

The night started with a shot of tequila for Y/N, a shot of vodka with energy drink for Lola. 

“Let’s try again… Why am I here?” Sam complained for the hundredth time. They had been standing in line for a long while now, his other four friends looking super excited to be there while he just wanted to go home. Or cross the city and go to his usual cub. His usual gay club.

“Because you love us?” Devon said, making Sam roll his eyes. Maybe the Department of Music and Performing Arts wasn’t the best place to make friends, he thought. Even though it seemed like it in the first place.

“And everyone is here today, c’mon,” Fred said, pointing at two girls who walked by. One of them was obviously being dragged by the other and Sam instantly could relate. “I think they go to NYU too. I might have seen them around.”

“Just because you’ve seen a few girls around, doesn’t mean you know them. Do you know how many people study at NYU? A lot. A whole fucking lot,” Sam said, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms one more time.

“You’re moody, we get it. I’ll buy you a shot of something expensive so you can feel better,” Devon squeezed Sam’s shoulder, giving him a smile. Sam pressed his lips together, obviously annoyed, and looked away. It was almost their turn to get in any way and she was already here, in his black pants, black boots, black shirt, and a grey coat. He might look like he belongs, but his subtle eyeliner was telling a different story.  

Sam took a deep breath and gave Devon a smile back, even if he was sure he still looked a bit annoyed. Devon’s birthday was the week before and there’s nothing Sam can do now but to celebrate it with his best friend.

They managed to get in early - Devon, Fred, and Gabriel knew everyone there apparently, making Sam surprised as they walked in and they greeted everyone. They walked straight - ha - to the bar, Devon buying Sam the expensive drink he had promised.

The night started with a mix of sparkling wine and red berries for Sam and beer for the rest of his friends.

The drinks that wouldn’t stop coming were actually turning this into a very fun night, Y/N would say. Unfortunately, she could still hear the horrible music that kept on playing, the loud sound of electro beats over electro beats that had no lyrics or make no sense. Each drop made her want to stab her years with the straw of the piña colada she had in hands.

“How can people even dance to this?” she asked Lola when she saw her friend was back with her drink.

“They don’t,” she said, pointing at the people downstairs. Lola had gotten them access to a VIP room. Apparently, people from North Dakota have strong bounds - Y/N would find out later that year that the owner of the club is Lola’s cousin. “That’s all they do… I don’t think people come to these clubs to dance.”

“Then what’s the point?!” Y/N settled her drink on a table just so she could raise her arms in disappointment. “Honestly, I don’t see why get dressed and go out if you can’t dance to the songs that are playing.”

“Y/N… Babe… My sweetest friend… The cleverest girl from the Department of Neurosurgery… So smart, so bright…”

“They come here to hook up, I get it,” Y/N cut Lola off, grabbing her drink and sipping from it again. She rolled her eyes and looked down, trying to move her hips to the song but obviously failing, feeling frustrated.

Sam had his back against a wall. The first wall he could find that let him watch the dance floor just in case and drink his drink in peace. His friends were nowhere to be seen, but one would stop by and talk to him every once in a while. Devon was already calling him Sammy so he was obviously drunk. 

He knew that as a student of music he shouldn’t be judging the songs playing or anything, but for him, it was always impossible to have fun if he can’t sing along to the song. And all these electro beats and remixes make it impossible for him to actually sing to anything that is playing.

The next thing he could do - besides getting shit faced drunk - is to flirt, but the crowd here makes it impossible for him to do it comfortably. Yeah, he could flirt with the girls only and hope he doesn’t end up with someone that is 1) homophobic and 2) expects him to be straight but he’s not sure how he can do that without having a one hour chat about life before hooking up here.

Not being straight enough - or at all even - for this place, he decided to just stick to his fancy drinks and his wall.

It was around 2am and Y/N was drunk. The girl is already loud but she’s even louder when she’s drunk. She had had a shot of tequila, two pinã coladas, and then another shot and she wanted to dance. The beats weren’t cutting it anymore and Lola was nowhere to be seen to stop here so she grabbed another drink - another piña colada - and went down the stairs, determined to grab the DJ by the sleeve and have an hour talk about the perks of playing some pop music.

On her way downstairs, she passed a few couples that were enjoying themselves against the walls. She did look for Lola but didn’t find her at all. Her friend had mentioned something about the dance floor and some guy, but she didn’t pay much attention. While she made her way through the crowd, Y/N thought about the songs she could ask the DJ for. Mi Gente, maybe? Too much. Lady Gaga’s You and I? Too gay. Ariana Grande’s Side to Side? Too old. Camila Cabello’s Havana would have to do.

She was in the middle of the dance floor when she spotted Lola dancing with a guy, she waved for a moment and Lola waved back, telling her to come over. Y/N wanted to say she was going to the DJ, but her friend didn’t understand her. When she got close enough, Lola introduced her to the guy.

“Y/N! This is Devon! He also studies at NYU!” Lola had a smile on her face Y/N hadn’t seen in ages. In Med School they would say people smile that much when they find a good surgeon to marry - maybe not in Med School, maybe just her crazy neurosurgeon classmates.

“Really? What practice?” Y/N asked, assuming he was also going to Med School. She was sure all her friends also studied some type of Medicine Practice at NYU. Her Facebook feed would always flood with Medicine news and jokes and memes and everything, really. But apparently, the boy had no idea what she was talking about since his face was super confused.

“He doesn’t go to Med School!” Lola interrupted when she noticed the silence, smiling at Y/N who just nodded. “Music, right?” she said, looking at Devon. It was Y/N’s turn to make a very confused face. What the hell was a music major doing at a straight club listening to electro music? Well. It wasn’t her place to judge… but… well.

“Yeah. Music Education actually,” he said, sipping his beer. Y/N nodded, sipping from her drink.

“Well, I’m gonna let you guys do whatever you wanna do… I’m gonna go to the DJ and beg him to play Havana,” she finished her sentence the moment a guy squeezed Devon’s shoulder. He was about to say something, but apparently, he heard what Y/N had said and frowned.

“Hey! Do you mean Camila’s Havana?” he said, a bit louder so the girl who was now walking away could hear. Y/N turned around, also frowning. She looked at the guy - blondish hair, black everything, fancy drink in hand.

She couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face, making her bite the corner of her lips. “Yeah. Who else's? I need a pop song before the night is over otherwise I’ll die,” she said, shrugging.

“Shit, holy fuck, yes,” he said, making both Devon and Lola laugh.

“This is Sammy, my best friend…” he introduced him to both Lola and Y/N. “Sammy, these are Lola and Y/N. They also go to NYU,” Y/N waved, Lola, smiled.

“Awesome! Which Art do you girls study?” Y/N laughed at the mistake she had made earlier, shaking her head. Maybe her blue hair didn’t help him, or Lola’s piercings, or their tattoos, but it was still funny.

“Med School,” Devon said, making Sam shrug and laugh.

“I was on my way to free us from these beats and beg the DJ for a pop song. Wanna join?” Y/N said, raising her drink to take another sip. Sam thought about it for a moment, he had walked over to Devon to let him know he was about to leave but now things had gotten a tiny bit more fun.

“Sure! I can’t wait to sing along and destroy my voice tonight,” he said, laughing and giving her a smile.

Y/N laughed back, shook her head and took his hand, placing it on her shoulder so he wouldn’t lose her in the crowd. “That’s the spirit!”

It didn’t work as well as they had planned.

It actually didn’t work at all.

They couldn’t find a way to the DJ booth, they couldn’t yell loud enough, they couldn’t even show the DJ the song they wanted. They tried talking to the security to let them go up, but it didn’t work. They tried making a scene so the DJ noticed them, but it didn’t work.

When they were about to give up, a spark of hope, Sam had the idea to write what they wanted on his phone and show it to the DJ. Y/N did the honors since this was a straight club, but the DJ pouted, looked down at them and said “I’m sorry, it’s an electro night. I can play the remix though.” Y/N made a face, Sam pouted and they both left defeated towards the bar.

He leaned his back against the bar while she ordered a bottle of water. “I can’t believe we’re going through this. I think my head is about to explode,” giving the barman a smile the moment she got her water. She opened the bottle, took a sip and offered it to Sam without thinking twice. “Honestly…” she continued. “They were having a 00’s night at this club I usually go to. But I let Lola drag me here because it’s her birthday next week… I could be yelling and dancing to Toxic right now, but no.”

Sam was drinking the water while he heard the girl complaining. He knew the club she was talking about. Bittersweet. Right across town. As LGBT friendly as it can be. A lot of theme nights and tonight the theme was MTV 00’s. His childhood friend - Jeff - was going to be there, he had invited Sam but he had already promised Devon he would come.

“Bittersweet, right?” he said, just to confirm if she was talking about the same club he had been thinking about. The surprised look on her face confirmed it.

“Yes!” she pretty much yelled.

“The best place in New York!” they said at the same time, laughing.

Y/N wasn’t expecting Sam to understand. She thought he wanted a pop song because he was a Music student and apparently there are some that like good music, no offense to people who enjoy electro sounds or whatever… But offense. But Bittersweet is an underground club in New York that people from the LGBT community go to have fun.

Rumour has it the club is owned by a couple of two bisexuals, that’s where the name comes from. Y/N has identified with the club since the first time she stepped there and has never once wanted to go somewhere else - she has spent countless drunk nights there with Lola and some of her Med friends.

“We should go,” Sam said, giving Y/N a smile. She noticed the eyeliner now that they were close and he noticed the glitter on her cheeks too. How the hell did they imagine they were talking about different singers or clubs before is beyond them. Y/N laughed, nodded and gave him a smile back.

“Yeah, we should. I think they’re having a tequila night next week, right?” she bit on the corner of her lower lip. She would drag Lola down to Bittersweet on tequila night as revenge.

“Oh… I mean right now,” Sam said, making Y/N frown for a moment. She was about to say Lola would be mad when Sam opened his mouth to continue. “I know, our friends are here. But I promise Devon is a good guy and you can leave Lola with him,” Y/N made a face at that. She couldn’t just leave Lola behind. But at the same time Panic! At the Disco was waiting for her on the other side of town.

“I’m gonna talk to Lola…” She said, biting on her lower lip. “But you pay for the cab!” she yelled as she walked towards the dance floor.

“I’m a music student! We’re going by train!” Sam yelled back, making Y/N laugh.

The moment Y/N got closer to Lola, she was still dancing with Devon. She squeezed her friend’s shoulder and got closer so she could talk to her. “Sam and I-” she started, but was cut off by her friend.

“Yeah, just go!” she said, sounding super excited.

“What?”

“Is he taking you home? You guys look great together!” she said, making Y/N more confused than before. She looked at Devon then, still dancing, giving them space to talk. Maybe he wasn’t that bad.

“Yeah, sorta. He wants to go somewhere else,” Y/N said, biting on her lower lip.

“Just go! I’m gonna be fine. I’m friends with the owner,” Lola winked, making Y/N frown and laugh. That sentence would make sense three days from now.

“Okay, call me if you need anything! My phone is with me always!” Y/N said and Lola was already turning her around and pushing her away.

“Go have fun!” she yelled, making Y/N roll her eyes and laugh, walking back towards Sam.

They did go by train. 

It took them around forty minutes.

It was pretty awkward at first, two strangers sitting side by side in a train in New York. Y/N wanted to point out that his eyeliner was great and Sam wanted to point out that her jacket was awesome, but both kept quiet. Until Sam decided to break the quiet.

“I hope they play Paramore tonight… Or haven’t played it yet,” he said, making Y/N smile.

“Oh, don’t worry. They’ll play it again if I ask,” she winked at him, leaving a question mark on stamped on his forehead. She laughed, shaking her head a bit. “I’m friends with the DJ. I mean, one of them. She usually plays around three so if we hurry we can get there in time to ask for whatever song we want,” she smiled and then added. “You might as well know her. Violet, short hair. Used to be long and green purple blue, you choose.”

“She dates a guy named Jeff?” Sam leaned his head to the side a little, while Y/N nodded, confirming it. “She’s my best friend’s girlfriend. I mean, my childhood friend. I have a lot of friends,” Sam said, making Y/N laugh one more time. “I know Jeff. He’s the reason I know they’re throwing this party tonight, he asked me to go but I told him I had promised Devon.”

“Well, good thing you didn’t promise Devon you would stay till the end, right?” Y/N added, making Sam laugh softly now. “What else should we ask for, you know, just to be sure. Panic! At the Disco?”

“For sure. I Write Sins?”

“Always. Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn doors?”

 The walk to the club wasn’t long - it was pretty close to the station - and by now both Y/N and Sam couldn’t shut up. Two drunk young people roaming the streets of New York looking for a better time than an annoying club that only played electro music. 

They talked about college, friendships and moving to New York. Sam’s family is from LA, Y/N’s family is from Detroit. Most of their friends aren’t from the Big Apple either. Both would always think it’s funny how none of them are from the big city, but they still refer to it as their home.

Voices could be heard when they turned left on the street of Bittersweet, making both of them smile. They hadn’t talked sexuality yet, but both would be surprised to find out that they are both bi. And moving to New York, being on their own for, making new friends and being part of a community helped them a lot more than they thought. Both are out and open about it, but it’s obviously not something you start a conversation towards a club with.

The security guard - Elias - greeted them with a smile, giving a squeeze on the shoulder. “I didn’t know you guys knew each other!” he said, laughing softly. “I always see you two here on different weekends,” the guy made them laugh for a moment.

“We actually just met. At Fantasy,” Y/N said, making a face. Elias frowned for a second, a few people around them also did.

“What the hell were you two doing there?” he laughed, shaking his head as he let them in.

“Long story, Eli! We’ll see you later!” Sam said, giving him another smile.

Y/N rushed in as fast as possible, going down the stairs that led to the club. She stopped for a moment to look back, just to see that Sam was right behind her, giving her another one of his big smiles. She was slowly starting to enjoy having those to herself.

King for a Day by Pierce The Veil was playing and both were sure Violet was still on the DJ booth. Everyone was screaming the song as it played and both Y/N and Sam followed, rushing into the dance floor. They got exactly what they wanted, beats to move their hips to, lyrics to scream and a lot of people that could understand the feeling of good music. Or at least their definition of good music.

As soon as the song was over, Y/N squeezed her way to the DJ booth, giving Violet a huge smile.

“Hey!” she waved, catching her friend’s attention, who waved right back at her.

“What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were out with Lola today,” she said, making a very confused face.

“Long story!” Y/N waved it off and as soon as she was done speaking, Sam showed up, giving Violet a smile. “Here’s the long story!” Y/N added. At first, Violet didn’t get it, frowned a little. She had never seen Y/N and Sam together, but she knows both of them. And then it finally made sense.

“Did you play Panic already? Or Paramore?” Sam asked, making Violet laugh and nod. He then pouted for a moment until the DJ was smiling. “What about I Write Sins and Misery Business?” he asked, making Y/N push him away a little.

“It’s Violet we’re talking to, lemme do it,” she said, shushing him them. “But It’s Better If You Do and crushcrushcrush?”

“Deal,” the DJ said, making both clap. “I’ve got around five songs left. I’m gonna make the two the end of the set, alright?”

Y/N gave her two thumbs up and Sam cheered.

And then the playlist followed: Blink 182, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Paramore, and Panic! At the Disco.

Both Y/N and Sam had more fun in those few minutes than they had had during the three hours they had spent at the other club. Screaming the lyrics to all of the songs, moving their bodies to the beat and laughing at each other.

Only then, right after Violet’s set was over, they decided to order a drink.

“Hi, Aiden!” Y/N said, greeting the guy behind the bar counter. She waved at him who gave her a smile and a wave.

“Hey! Took you a while! I thought you weren’t coming tonight,” he said, moving to lean over the counter and press a kiss to her cheek. Aiden and Y/N have history, but history both of them would like to never talk about. It’s almost as if you dated your brother and then found out he’s your brother, but in this case, they’re not siblings, only very good friends.

“I wasn’t… But you know me, I can never miss this party,” she said, pulling Sam closer. “Also, he dragged me here. All the way from fantasy. By train,” she added while Sam waved, making Aiden laugh.

“You’re Jeff’s friend, right?” Sam nodded, introducing himself right after that. “I’ve seen you here before,” Aiden gave him a smile. “What can I get you? The usual, Y/N?”

“Yes!” Y/N’s usual consisted of pineapple juice, pomegranate syrup, vodka, and ice. It was cheap, didn’t taste cheap, would get you super drunk and you wouldn’t even notice.

Aiden looked at Sam then, waiting for him to order. “Oh, Sex On The Beach,” he said, giving Aiden a wide smile.

“Aw, how cute. Your drinks match,” Aiden added, making both of them laugh. He left to get the drinks ready, leaving them alone to talk again. Lady Gaga started playing and Y/N almost rushed Aiden to get their drinks ready faster because she couldn’t just miss Donatella, but she ended up just dancing the song right there, in front of the bar, Sam enjoying it more than he probably should.

When their drinks were ready, they left to look for Violet and Jeff.

Both the DJ and her boyfriend were dancing near the wall, close to the AC, drinks in hand, singing to Lady Gaga louder than they should. Jaehyeong - or Jeff - studies Foreign Language Education and will probably focus on teacher little kids when he’s done with college and Violet - besides being a great DJ by night - studies Sports Business by day, someone has to make the Patriots team great again and if no one is going to do it, she’s gonna do it herself.

Violet had mentioned to Jaehyeong - who she refused to call Jeff, who the hell immigrates from Korean and decides to call himself Jeff? She was not having it. She called him Je - Jae - for short that was it. Anyway, Violet had mentioned to Jae that she had seen Y/N and Sammy together and how weird it was to see them there at all. They had never thought about introducing their two loudest, most annoying, most energetic, unstoppable, always seem to know what they are doing but have no clue, friends. Yet life has made that decision for them.

The couple was discussion the odds - because they knew Lola and Devon had dragged them to a straight club of some sort that night for birthday celebrations - and got to the conclusion that maybe the loud souls were destined to meet. And yell all their way from the bar towards them - both Y/N and Sam are the types of people that you can hear them before you see them.

Even though the music was loud, Violet could steal hear Y/N describing her drink to Sam while he held her hand, guiding her through the crowd.

They let go when they reached their friends, Y/N moving to give Violet a hug and Sam to hug Jaehyeong.

“Okay, what’s the long story that got both of you here?” Violet said, making both Y/N and Sam laugh. Shakira was playing, letting everyone know that her hips don’t lie, while Sam introduced Y/N do Jaehyeong.

“Well, here’s the thing,” the girl started when the introductions were over. “Lola took me to Fantasy, I got drunk, she vanished. I was like super determined to change the song because who can stand electro for more than an hour, right? Anyway. I was going to the DJ both to ask for Havana and then I bumped into Lola and this guy, Devon,” when Y/N said the name, both Violet and Jae said a loud ah as if that also made a lot of sense and they have never thought about it. “She introduced us, I assumed he was a med student too, he wasn’t and I decided to leave because I wanted Havana to play… Then he showed up,” she said, pointing towards Sam.

“And we’ve been inseparable ever since,” he said, making Y/N both frown and laugh. “We did try to ask the DJ for Havana, but he said it would be impossible so we just moved to the bar and Y/N commented about Bittersweet. Turns out we both would rather be here than there so… Here we are,” he added then, smiling.

“Idiots,” Violet said, rolling her eyes. “But okay, I think now that everyone is here we should lose the little voice we have left, what do you think?”

“Speak for yourself, I totally lost mine during your set. As your boyfriend, it was my job to scream the loudest,” Jaehyeong said, making Violet roll her eyes at him and laugh, leaning in to give him a soft kiss.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she said right before grabbing his wrist and pulling him to the dance floor. Sam and Y/N followed, both of them laughing their lungs out.

The thing with 00’s nights at Bittersweet is that people rarely have time to rest or talk or stop. It’s a great song after another after another. It’s someone’s favorite song right before someone else’s favorite song. The only bad thing about it is that it ends at 4am and people have to go home still drunk or already hangover 

They danced to Ke$ha, Shakira, Lady Gaga, Britney and Beyoncé, sang from 30 Seconds to Mars to The Script and Coldplay. Both Y/N and Sam cried during Yellow, spilling their drinks everyone but on each other or themselves. Violet sang to Breakeven with so emotion that people could imagine she had been through a break up recently - which was most definitely not the case. They all raised their middle fingers during P!nk’s So What. By 4am everyone was too drunk, too tired and their voices were all gone.

The group only left the club because the people that work there started to walk around, telling everyone they had to close. All four of them said their goodbyes to everyone they know - Elias and Aiden included - and headed to the metro station. There was one train they could get together and then it was Sam, Y/N and Violet to one side and Jaehyeong to the other.

With one look, Violet decided to sleep over at Jaehyeong’s that night.

They all sat down, too tired to speak even, all of them dying for a slice of cold pizza. Y/N hoped her roommate, Leo, hadn’t finished theirs. And Sam hoped his roommate, Dylan, had bought them one.

It wasn’t until Violet and Jeff had to leave that the talk died down, leaving Y/N and Sam side by side on the train again. They kept talking about the night, about the songs, about their lives until Y/N rested her head on Sam’s shoulder. The girl closed her eyes, still talking and answering his questions.

And she kept talking when he started to run his fingers through her hair, not as much to not mess it too much, but enough to let the girl know he was doing it. There was a quiet “mhm” coming from her who just kept answering, making more questions, telling drunk jokes even.

Sam moved them a little when they were close to her station, letting her know they would be there soon. She pouted but sat up straight - ha - again.

“Give me your phone, I want to give you my number,” she said, rubbing her eyelids with the palms of her hands. They exchanged numbers while both yawned because of how late it was, because of how tired it was, because of how drunk they were.

“Send me a text when you get home,” Y/N said with a soft smile. “And it better be a picture of your kitchen, so I know it’s you and that you’re home, not kidnapped by the mafia,” she said, eyebrow raised and all.

Sammy smiled, shaking his head a bit, laughing. “Will do, don’t worry.”

Then they heard it, the warning that they would reach her stop soon. Y/N pouted, Sam pouted. She smiled, he smiled. She leaned closer, he leaned closer. They kissed. And it was both soft and drunk, messy and fun, confused and lovely, fast and needed. Y/N almost missed her stop, Sam almost wanted her to

“Don’t forget my picture!” she said as she rushed outside, waving goodbye.

Maybe going to Fantasy hadn’t been the worst night ever.

 When Y/N got home she had a text from Sam.

“Hey, text me when you get home too. S”

She smiled at it, leaving her boot by the door. Leo insisted they didn’t wear their shoes inside since his family had done it their entire life and Y/N didn’t even like to wear shoes at home anyway, so she just agreed to it. The girl headed straight - ha - to the kitchen, fingers crossed she would still have some pizza.

And they did. Cheese pizza. With extra cheese.

She took a selfie biting the slice and sent it to Sam.

“I’m home! And I have pizza! Y/N”

Sam was still on his way home when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He decided to wait until he was inside his apartment to check who had sent him a text just in case. Leaving his shoes by the door and his coat on the hanger, Sam took his phone out of the pocket and laughed at the picture. Was it too early to make it his home screen image?

He moved to his kitchen then, found the pizza box and grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza. Sam copied her pose, sending her a picture.

“WE HAVE THE BEST ROOMMATE! S”

“Fuck yeah, we do. Score. Y/N” 

The reply came immediately after he had sent the picture.

They exchanged a few more texts until both were fed, showered and on their beds about to fall asleep. They had both agreed that going to that straight club wasn’t the worst idea they have ever had, but then made each other promise that they would never go back there ever in their lives. 

It didn’t take long for both of them to be asleep - Y/N did leave Sam’s last text on read. But the next morning they would keep on talking and on the next weekend, they would go out together again and maybe in the next month, they would be dating. There was only one thing they knew for sure: Bittersweet was the only club they would go from now on.

What did you think of CANDY? Let me know!

[redheadedramblings]

Good for each other (Part 6)

Title: Good for each other (Part 6) Paring : Bucky x Reader Summary: Bucky Barnes has lost everything. He is alone in this world, at least not until you enter his life. word count: 8201 (sorry!) warnings: maybe slight panic, fluff, bruce being a protective dad, concerned Bucky A/N : Holy crap sorry this took forever! I went on vacation and I had to move back into my apartment at school so its been a stress. But I finally got back to it and I have a lot of writing in my drafts so I hope to get to them soon! I made this chapter super long, I am so sorry about that. I hope you like it! Tell me what you think! The italics indicate a flashback.

masterlist

Bucky was feeling better this week, his mood was happier and there was something different in the air. Maybe it had to do with the fact he was sleeping though the night, or the fact that he hadn’t had a nightmare since he began to sleep next to you. What ever it was, he was feeling great and it showed, the team noticed it. He would carry himself differently, he began to participate in more activities that he usually wouldnt. He started to do a lot of things out of his comfort zone which was huge for him and really showed how well he had improved. Just a two years ago he wouldn’t even leave his room, he would stay in there all day long and only come out to eat. But now, he was out and about, going out with you, helping trainees with Natasha and even sometimes going down to visit Bruce in the labs which he hardly did.

Therapy also was helping, his mental state was getting better and he didn’t feel as trapped anymore. His brain was clearer, he could think faster and he wasn’t moody and depressed anymore. He felt lighter, he now walked with confidence and would talk a lot more. He would bicker with you like he always did, but that came with living with you of course. But he felt closer to you, now more than ever. 

He woke up late in the after noon, his body tangled in soft blankets on the couch. Sitting up he rubbed his eyes and looked around to see where you were but you weren’t there and neither was River. Getting up from the couch he patted down the hall way and into the kitchen avoiding dogs toys sprawled out on the floor along the way. When he walked in he is shocked to see Sam standing behind the counter. You were sitting on a stood at the counter eating lunch and watching something on the small television that was below the cabinets. River was rolling around on the floor with a chew toy in her mouth and her tail thumped on the ground in excitement. Bucky made his way to you and sat down in the free stool on your left. 

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asks Sam while leaning his elbows onto the marble. Bucky knew that today the two of you didn’t have any therapy sessions, and if he was here to baby sit he certainly didn’t call and tell you he was coming which he usually would do.

“Just here for a brief check in.” Sam brushes Bucky off not even looking at him. He is washing a pan in the sink, it appears that he had made you lunch and he was cleaning up after himself. Barnes turns his attention to you and watches as you gobble up your food, eyes still focused on the television that is across the kitchen. He lets out a breathy laugh while he watches you, your shoulders shrugging up and down as you take a new bite. Bucky is amused at your little happy dance.

“And whats up with her?” he asks nodding at you with his head.

“Oh, you should have seen her a few minutes ago, she had an attitude, but now she is fed so she is back to normal. She was just hangry.” Sam points at you with a spatula. You finally peel your eyes from the tv and give Sam a guilty shrug and turn to Bucky with a mouth full of food. With his one hand holding his chin up and the other laying on his lap he watches you eat. Your little dancing in the seat making him chuckle to him self, he watches your chewing which has become a force of habit for him. You pick up on it almost instantly and so does Sam, you are well aware of what he is thinking about. Knowing he always worried when you ate, occasionally glancing over at him as you chewed slowly, you didn’t want to make him worry about it anymore.

It had been raining all week, the air was too thick and the humidity was bad. The team began letting you walk around outside but under very close supervision with a limited time frame. There was a little garden house that you liked spending your time in, you would spend hours in the small area just staring up at the sky. When it was time for you to leave Bucky was the one who would collect you, he would escort you back to the flat you both shared. But it was rainy the past couple of days and you were getting anxious feeling cooped up in the apartment all day. You began to be restless, you didn’t know what to do with yourself and your mind began to wander, and that was dangerous. You couldn’t be left alone for too long or you would have an episode or a panic attack from all the thinking, so they tried to keep you occupied with something else. It would be little things, sometimes they were dumb and insignificant but they worked and kept you out of the way for a while. Cleaning seemed to help, it gave you a sense of accomplishment, organizing medical files also helped. You never once complained or were bothered by it, for it was helping you stay in your own mind. Today the tower was mainly empty, it was a Friday afternoon and the thunderstorms were constant. For some reason thunder didn’t settle well with you and it made you jump, and being in a high up building in the sky didn’t help that fact. Bucky knew something was wrong the moment he heard you shuffling around the apartment, your feet patting around on the floor. When he rounded the corner he found you digging around the room, picking up things and then setting them down again. He watched for a moment when you momentarily turned and he saw your eye brows furrowed together and your teeth sinking into your bottom lip. A bright flash of lightning lit up the outside followed by a large crack of thunder that felt like it shook the entire building. The sound made you jump and you let out a high pitched yelp and covered your ears and fell to your knees. In a blink of an eye Barnes was next to you grabbing onto your shoulders while you pressed your forehead to the floor. “Easy! Easy, Y/N your alright. Its okay! Its just thunder! Its not going to hurt you! Your alright.” he spoke in your ear. He stayed hovered over you for a couple moments until you lifted your head up slowly as he knelt down in front of you to look at your face. “I’m sorry.” you breathed out trying to get ahold of yourself. He always hated when you apologized for things like this, things that you clearly couldn’t control. “Here, get up.” he said pulling you to your feet. As he walked you over to the bar stool the door opened in walked Bruce with a brown paper bag in his hands. “Is she alright?” He quickly asks walking over to the two of you and quickly putting the bag on the table. “Yea, she just got spooked by some thunder.” Bucky reply to him. “Y/N? Are you alright? Talk to me Y/N.” Bruce asks kneeling down to you grabbing your shoulders firmly. His eyes roaming yours searching for any signs of distress. “Yea, I’m Okay.” you finally look up at him and he holds your face. “Really. I’m okay.” You tried your best to sound as calm as possible when in reality you were slightly shaking and were beginning to claw at your wrists under your sleeves. Bucky grabs your hand instantaneously and holds them tight stopping you from hurting yourself. “Have you taken your meds today?” Bruce asks, Bucky stands near you, his eyes never leaving your form. He holds your arms securely, but soft, you twitch under his grip but begin to relax to his touch. “Yes, I have.” you said softly. “When was the last time you ate?” Banner asks trying to distract you. Your silence answers his question for him, he lets go of you and steps behind the counter and clatters though the kitchen taking out ingredients and cooking utensils. “Lets start on dinner alright? Its about time to eat anyway.” he says as he lays out the food in front of him on the counter. As Bruce rummages around Bucky still stands by you holding onto your wrists, afraid if he let go, you would begin to harm yourself again. Rubbing his thumbs on your skin you look up at him and give me a slight nod adding a smile to go with it. He didn’t buy it at first, he felt that you were faking being okay just to ease his mind. So Bucky refused to let go of you for a while, he just stood there next to you holding your arms as you sat still. Eventually you gave in and your body slummed slightly, you were no longer tense and your arms went limp. He gave you a satisfied look and he spun you around so that you were facing the counter. Letting go of you he stepped back and your skin called for him back with his sudden warmth leaving your skin. “I’ll help!” Bucky quietly chimes in as he also stepped behind the counter to help him prepare dinner. The two men start dinner and you sit silently at the table and watch them as they both scurry around the kitchen cooking. Banner was the one to talk first he began to talk about random topics trying to engage you with some how. It didn’t work that well, you would grunt relies and would just stare blankly at the wall and when the rain poured harder on the window you seemed to curl into yourself. Bucky noticed it and ratted his brain for something to do, he had to do something anything. He knew what you were feeling all too well, he had been there too many times before. An impending panic or anxiety attack was a tough thing to tackle. He tried to remember what others would do for him but it was no use. No one was really there for him when he would go though these things in the past and even now. But he wasn’t going to let you be alone, he couldn’t. He didn’t want you to suffer the same fate, to end up like him. While he moved he accidentally bumped a jar full of measuring tools, and it fell off the counter and clattered to the ground, the objects scattering on the floor. He looked down and winced at the sight and at the noise afraid that the sudden sound might have scared you. But to his surprise he heard you laugh it was a genuine laugh, nothing fake, it was real. It took him off guard and both Bruce and Bucky looked up and stared at you, shocked and surprised to hear such a pleasant sound coming from you. To be honest, it was probably the first time either of them had heard you laugh. After a long moment, the men exchanged looks, Bruce half smiling at Bucky’s reluctant expression and they returned to their work. His clumsiness made you laugh and he knew now that he had to use that to his advantage especially now. After cleaning up the floor and setting it back into its place on the table he began fooling around, making faces at you just to hear you laugh. The sound of your voice egged him on and it made him feel warm. He stepped it up and began making funny faces at you and even Banner when he wasn’t looking making sure that you saw it. He even picked up utensils and twirled them around with his metal fingers. Before he knew it Bruce was serving the food on plates and he slid one over to you and handed you a fork and knife. Pulling it toward you, Bruce turned to walk over to the sink to start washing dirty dishes. Immediately you hunched over your food and began to shovel it into your mouth, taking bites that were too big, almost like your life depended on it. This startled Bucky and he noticed suddenly raced over to you and tried grabbing the fork out of your hands but you jerked away from him. “Stop Y/N! Slow down! Don’t eat so fast! You are going to choke if you keep eating too fast!” Bucky exclaimed while he continued to reach for your hands. You froze in front of him, your cheeks full with food, Banner turned around and threw down the towel down. A mixture of frustration and fear creeped up on Bucky as he watched you slightly scotch back in the seat away from him. He was about to reach for you again when he stopped himself and pulled back, a sad realization suddenly setting in. This was the first time he ever saw you ate, when you would get your meals everyday, you would always be with Banner down in the lab under close watch. You shoveled the food in your mouth for the fear of not knowing when you would get your next meal, and the fear of it being stripped away from you. It registered with him that it was probably because who ever had held you captive didn’t feed you that much, only enough to get you by. So many red flags were popping up now that Bucky was silently scolding him self for not seeing earlier. You were oddly thin when they first found you and slightly malnourished, something that he didn’t notice until he got a good look at you. Gently he took a step back and raised his hands slightly to you when he saw the death grip you had on the fork. “Swallow!” He instructed you, in a calm but firm voice. Slowly you gulped and put the fork down on the table. “Slow down! You cant eat that fast! You are going to make yourself sick! Slow down okay?” he asked with a hint of desperation in his voice. You nodded but refused to move in your spot, your body frozen from being scolded. “Continue eating, I just want you to slow down okay? Just take smaller bites and slow down is all.” he spoke noticing your response. Shaking your head in understatement you reached for your fork and began eating, slower this time. You looked more relaxed but on alert, looking around the room and eyeing Bucky who was still standing next to you. After a couple moments he sat down at the stool next near you and leaned on the marble watching you eat and counting your bites. Bruce was in shock of what he had just witness. He had noticed something was off in Bucky’s attitude the minute he walked in and saw him helping you during your panic. This wasn’t like him, he knew Bucky didn’t like you it was apparent from what he displayed toward you. But for some reason Barnes changed and it was clear from the interactions it was evident that he was changing because of you. Banner had seen you have problems eating before and he would always take time out of his day to sit with you during all of your meals and observe you while you ate so that way you wouldn’t choke. He didn’t once think that Bucky would do the same, he saw as the color drained out of him as he rushed to your side the minute you started to eat. Watching you and Bucky sit there silently at the table eased his mind, the way Bucky’s eyes would roam your face and the way he would signal for you to slow down if he felt that you were eating too fast gave him hope and the sense that your presence was helping Barnes. The two of you were becoming friends and the thought of that made him smile, and he turned back to the dishes to finish his work.

“Alright I am headed out, but before I go I wanted to remind you guys that the annual charity auction is in a few days and they are requiring the two of you to go.”

“What?” you and Bucky exclaimed in unison. 

You turned your head to Sam in disbelief and Bucky let out a scoff in annoyance. The Avengers hosted this fancy party every year, it was a huge charity event that was open to the public. The proceeds would go to people in need or families that were torn apart by wars. You were never allowed to go, they felt that it would be wise for you to stay put for safety reasons and your mental health. So when the time rolled around every September you would be alone in your room eating snacks and snuggling with River.

“Why are they making us go? Why all of the sudden are they letting Y/N come?” Bucky questioned.

“Fury feels like Y/N has made great strides in the past couple of months so he feels she is ready, plus it will look good for his higher up pals if you know what I mean. The two of you have to go this year, everyone has to go, so dress pretty and for the love of god, please be ready when I pick you guys up.” Sam pointed at you and you held your hand over your heart pretending to be offended. “Do we have to go?” you complained while slumping you shoulders. “I don’t want to interact with people. People are boring…” Sam just ignored your pouting and picked up his coat hanging on the rack and walked towards the door.

“I will pick the two of you up on the 14th at 2pm sharp. Be ready.” he waved with out looking back and you and Bucky just grunted as he walked out of the room. 

It was around midnight when Bucky walked into the pitch black kitchen to hear chewing sounds coming from around the counter. Stepping around the counter top he flicked on a light, there you were sitting on the ground with a tub of ice cream in between your legs. Your head hung low watching the screen of your iPad that you held in one hand, and in the other hand you held a massive spoon that was clearly not meant to be eaten ice cream with. River laid never to you sprawled out with her head up on your foot, her tail began to wag when she saw Bucky. 

“I see you are relieving some stress for tomorrows party.” Bucky joked as he opened the silverware drawer and pulled out a matching spoon. 

“Hey, I got to do what I got to do.” you confessed not even looking up with a spoon in your mouth. Bucky sat down in front of you and stretched his legs out around you so that you were in his center. Dipping his spoon in the container he took a large bite of the cold substance and swallowed making a face to you.

“Brain freeze?” you asked.

“Yea.” he grumbled.

“Buck, your name is the Winter Solider. I thought you were used to the cold?”

“Not freezing cold ice cream.” he sassed. You laughed and set your tablet down next to you and took another bite.

“I don’t want to go to this stupid party tomorrow. Too many people, I don’t like crowds. I can’t believe Fury is making me go.”

“I know.”

“How do you survive?”

“I don’t know, I just didn’t really interact with anyone, Steve was the once who always did the talking. He was such a people person.” Bucky’s voice faded out and you inched forward.

It was true Steve loved it, he was the one who hosted the event every year. He loved talking with the kids, meeting new people and honoring veterans. It killed you to see such sadness etched in Bucky’s face at the mention of his best friend. 

“Ah, well I guess we will just have to power though it then. It can’t be all that bad, they have free food right?” you laughed. Bucky smiled and looked down shaking his head at you. “Yea they have free food so you can eat until you explode.”

“Excellent!” you chuckled.

Sitting on the floor with him the hours passed and you began talking with him like you usually did, about the good and the bad. The two of you would get into insult matches in which you would always win and he would complain like a child. You ended up laying on the floor, your back touching the cold tile and your legs spread out. Bucky had been on a rant about something from his childhood when he stopped to realize that you had fallen asleep. Carefully standing up he put the empty ice cream container in the trash and the spoons in the sink and turned to look back at you. Bending down he gently scooped you up in his arms carefully trying his best not to make you stir as he walked you down the hall to the living room. River followed right on Bucky’s heals and once he reached the entrance she hopped up on the couch and plopped herself down. He set you down in your usual spot and covered you up with your favorite blanket. Crawling back to his spot he laid him self down next to you and in no time his eyes fluttered shut and he fell into a deep sleep. Bucky wakes up the next morning rather uncomfortably with sun beams reaching into his eye lids. Shifting on the couch he opens one of his eyes slightly to look around the room when he sees the hanging clock on the wall and shoots up suddenly when he realizes the time. Its 1:40, Sam will be there in 20 minutes. 

“Y/N!” he screams.

His voice makes you squeal and your body jumps a few inches in the air and you fall off the couch in a heap. River begins to bark and jumps down and grabs one of her toys on the ground thinking that its time to play. Bucky shoots off of the couch and begins to run down the hall to his room. “Y/N! We over slept! We are going to be late!” you hear his muffled yells coming from his room. Running back into the living room he over looks the couch and notices you aren’t there. 

“Y/N?” he dryly questions while walking around the front of the couch to see you slightly wiggling on the floor tangled in blankets. With you eyes squinting and your bottom lip pushed out you looked up at him with your hair a mess and in your face. 

“What are you doing on the floor? Get up! We are going to be late!” he scolds while turning away to run down the hall way again. You moan in annoyance and begin to squirm on the carpet like a slug, getting up you yawned while walking into your room. River follows you with a toy in her mouth and jumps on your bed and begins to rip it apart.

“Buck I don’t even know what I’m wearing to this stupid thing!” you shout to your door.

“Natasha stopped by yesterday and dropped off a dress or something for you. Its hanging in your closet!” You hear him yell as he rummages though his drawers.

Rolling your eyes you walk over to your closet and see a dress hanging from a hook wrapped with a sheet of plastic wrap to keep it safe. Taking the dress out you hold the fabric to yourself and look in the floor length mirror to inspect it. You didn’t want to admit it but the dress was beautiful, the color was bringing out your eyes beautifully. 

“Gross…” you mumble to yourself as you slip into it. After a few minutes a very impatient Bucky marches to your door and knocks an unnecessary amount of times. 

“Y/N! Come on!” he calls out. 

“Calm down you old fart! Give me a minute!” you grunt as you smooth out the dress with your hands.

“Hurry up and get out here! Our baby sitter will be here soon!” he shouts referring to Sam. 

“I don’t want to go I hate dresses! I cant do this! I am just going to stay and hide in here!” You begin to pat at your face in the mirror while listening to Bucky bang on your door. River began rolling on your bed in amusement and chewed at your covers while the two of you went back and fourth. 

“Either you come out or I will break the door down!” He threatened.

“I look terrible Barnes!” you hollered in an exhausted tone.

“I am sure you look like a million bucks now will you please hurry up!”

Huffing you looked down at the foot of your mirror to see a pair of black heals, you awkwardly slipped into them and ran your fingers through your hair. Turning you walked or in this case wobbled to the door and slowly opened it. To your surprise Bucky wasn’t standing there anymore but his voice lingered from down the hall. Turning back to River you motioned her to follow you and she jumped down from your bed and trotted into the kitchen. When you rounded the corner you saw Bucky and Sam standing there in the kitchen waiting for you. Sam wore a gray suit with a patterned tie with a falcon pin on it no doubt as a conversation piece. Bucky’s suit was black, and so were his shoes, his hair was pulled back into a small man bun to keep it out of his face. 

Sam was trying to convince Bucky to pin a Captain America shield pin on his tie but Bucky kept pushing him away as while getting harassed. When your heals clicked on the wooden floor both of their heads spun toward you and they froze in place. Bucky’s eyes widened as his eyes wandered your form, he had never seen you in a dress before, you never wore them. He had only seen you in pjs or combat gear, you never dressed up, you found it too uncomfortable. He knew you were a bit of a tom boy, you weren’t a girly girl and someone would literally have to put a knife to your throat to force you to brush your hair. But looking at your figure in front of him made him feel butterflies in his stomach and his whole skin felt hot. You looked beautiful, your hair was wavy and cascaded down your shoulders. The dress hugged you but the fabric was loose, your skin was glowing in the sunlight from the windows. Natasha did have good taste you had to had it too her, she knew what she was doing, she was the worlds best spy was she not? The makeup that you managed to throw on last minute was light and was illuminating your natural features. Your face was gentle and calm as you looked up, your gaze finding his finding his eyes lingering on you. Teleporting right in front of him you put your hands behind your back and leaned in and he didn’t budge, his mouth was slightly agape as he still stared at you. 

“So, do i look like a million bucks?” You crossed struck a pose in an attempt to look cute but failed miserably. 

“No, more like 2 dollars.” Sam teased while looking you up and down. “Oh thats cold.” you smiled at him. He then looked down at his watch and nudged Bucky with his elbow knocking him out of his trance that you had put him in.

“Alright kids lets go!” Same started to the door. You called for River and made sure she stayed in the common area so she wouldn’t get into the food in the kitchen. Clicking to the door Bucky held it open for you as you wobbled past him. As you passed though the door you hit him on the chest with the back of your hand. 

“You clean up nice old timer.” you winked as he felt his cheeks turn pink as he closed the door behind him and followed you and Sam down to the garage. “You guys are late” was the first thing said to you as you walked into the giant banquet hall.

“Correction, we are fashionably late.” you stuck your pointer finger up as Bruce just crossed his arms at you. He was about to turn to Sam to say something when Sam dodged the question and disappeared into the large crowd. Banner just scratched his head and laughed turning his attention back to you. “You look really nice Y/N. So do you Barnes, I am impressed.” Bucky murmurs out a thanks and you look around at all the people walking about in the room. “Hey Y/N, are you alright?” Bruce asks you noticing you eyeing the civilians. He had a certain ability to tell when you were beginning to feel nervous or uncomfortable. 

“Yea I am okay, just taking this all in. This is new for me.”

“Alright, well if you need anything come and find me alright?

“Okay.”

“Promise?” He grabbed your shoulders and gave them a squeeze.

“I promise.” you mocked and squeezed his wrists in return. 

“Okay good.” he smiled. “They are going to start the event in a few minutes so go and find your seats.” He let you go and you began maneuvering though the crowd to find your way to your table. Bucky went to follow you when Bruce put a hand on his shoulder and he turned towards him. “Keep an eye on her alright?” he softly asked and Bucky nodded and quickly followed you. 

The event is massive, you haven’t seen this many people in your life. The center was massive, the ceilings reached up to the skies, crystal chandeliers hung down from golden chains. Pictures and papers littered the walls from letters to the team to photos of loved ones to children dressing up as their favorite super hero. 

The room you were in was probably the biggest one in the building, circle tables with wooden seats held the spectators and the reporters. Giant cameras were placed in the back with television employees broadcasting the whole ordeal. Security was crawling all over, that was one of the first things you noticed when you stepped foot into the party. Ever since Vicrum showed up on the radar the security had nearly tripled in numbers and were on anyone who looked remotely suspicious. 

The Avengers had their own quiet corner and you took a seat down at the table closest to the wall with a good view of the whole vicinity. You had a good view of the stage and of all the exists just in case. Wanda and Vision sat at your table along with Sam and Bucky, Natasha and the others were sitting at the other that was right next to you. Looking for Fury you finally found him toward the back of the room sitting at a table with some older looking people you had never seen before, you didn’t know who they were but who ever they were they were high up so you kept your mouth shut. 

A microphone tapping sound began to silence the crowd and the room became quiet, the lights dimmed and a spot light turned on to illuminate the stage. A man walked out of the curtains and the crowd erupted when the one and only Tony Stark began to wave. “Theres the fat cat!” You heard Sam scream and Bucky just hit him to try and shut him up. 

Tony took to the stage and began to monologue, it was unscripted because Tony Stark doesn’t have time for scripts. You could see Pepper, Tony’s wife, behind the curtain on the right giving him silent queues to go to the next topic. He thanked the crowd and told a few jokes and make everyone laugh and clap, even you cracked a smile a few times. His face became all serious all of the sudden and you instantly knew what he was going to say next and you tried to brace for it.

“This is our third year hosting this event without Steve and I just want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for coming tonight. Steve loved hosting this party every year and I am glad we still get to do it in his honor. So thank you once again for coming and I hope everyone has a lovely evening and a fun night.” Tony stepped back and lowered the microphone. The entire crowd began to clap and cheer in honor of the fallen captain, standing up the peoples eyes facing towards the stage. But your eyes looking somewhere more important, as you clapped you looked at Bucky. He sat there in his seat clapping along with everyone else, his eyes roaming the crowd. His head turned and you looked at him and smiled and for once he didn’t look sad and he gave you a smile that made your heart leap.

The festivities went on and on and your were becoming board out of your mind, the party and moved into different rooms of the venue and somehow you ended up in the ball room near the bar. You ordered a fruity something or another with a lot of vodka in it and leaned on the bar with Clint, Rhodey and Bucky. The team has dispersed and were floating around talking to the chairmen or members of the commission. Ones thing was for sure and that was you didn’t like to float especially with all these people around, so you decided to drown yourself in your drink.

“I hate this.” you took a sip of your drink and crushing some of the ice in your teeth.

“Yea, this isn’t my favorite thing in the world either.” Rhodey downs a shot. “Well I quite like it. I’m having fun.” Clint says happily in while he receives scowls from Rhodey, Bucky and yourself.

“What?” Clint questions

“You just like it cause it gets you away from the kids for a while.” you take a longer sip of your drink. “Cant argue with that.” Clint shrugs. 

The bass of the music becomes louder and you feel as though your heart is going to explode from the rhythm. You continue the conversation with the boys and the night drags on. 

A jazzy song then comes blasting out though the speakers, something in Bucky begins to move and his foot begins to tap widely on the floor. Pictures flash in his mind, a simpler time then with Steve at his side and a woman under his arm as they push their way down the street brightly lit with lights. A feeling washes over his body, its similar and he gets a burst of energy, something that he hasn’t felt in decades. He is excited. His body screams to move and the rhythm is fast, he looks to the side and glances at you as you take a soft sip of your drink and setting it down on the bar, while watching all the spectators with a displeased scowl. 

“Come on Y/N.” he blurts out and holds his hand to you becoming you to the dance floor where everyone is dancing. 

“Oh no, I don’t dance.” you smile hold both of your hands up.

“How do you know?” He says while stepping in front of you.

“I just know, I may not have any memories but I already know I have two left feet.”

“You don’t know until you try it.”

“Yea Y/N!” Clint and Rhodey say in unison.

“Shut up boys! No Barnes. I am not doing it.”

“Come on, I will show you some of my moves.” he teases you. Curious at his persistent behavior you push your lips out and place your hands on your hips. 

“Oh, you have some moves old man?”

“I sure do.” He wiggles his shoulders. 

“I will take your word for it. Go on with out me.” you shrug him off.

“I can’t just go out by myself.” he complained in a childlike voice.

“What are you waiting for then?” you ask curiously. With that his face got closer to yours, standing your ground you look up at him at his blue eyes, they were twinkling with confidence. 

“The right partner.” He said in a low voice. 

You raise your eye brow at his response and open you mouth to speak but before you get a chance he suddenly grabs you by the wrist and drags you to the dance floor into the crowd of people. Instantly you groan in annoyance as he pulls you and spins your body around to face him. Trying to look around the room your eyes roamed any open spots where you could teleport to away from this situation and Bucky was quick to pick up on it.

“Oh no, you aren’t getting out of this one, if you use your powers I am just going to drag you back here again.” he says to you instantly.

“You really think you could catch me?” your shoulders slump when you see Clint and Rhodey waving at you from the bar in which you just stick your tongue at them which makes Bucky laugh.

“Here.” he says while grabbing your left arm and swopping it around his neck, irked, and slightly embarrassed you push some air out causing some hair in your face to shoot up. His right arm sneaks around your waist and pulls you in closer to him, he grabs your right hand in his left and holds onto your palm. 

“Ready?” he questions.

“No…” you mumble.

In a swift motion the two of you were off, Bucky led as he brought you back in fourth making faces at you every time you swayed making you chuckle. Both of your feet moved back and fourth to the rhythm of the song, the music beating in your chest taking you away. You had never quite seen this part of him before, the smile on his face wasn’t forced and his body language was relaxed and comfortable. You wondered how long he had been hidden and why he didn’t come out earlier. What ever the reasons were, you didn’t care because deep down you were loving it but would never admit it.

“This is how we did it back in the day.” He chuckles to you.

“Oh really? You must have been quite the ladies man.” you reply back at him. He suddenly dips you forward and you squeak at the abrupt movement. He pulls you back up and your hair falls in your face and he grabs some pieces and pushes it out of the way.

“You know, I used to be really good at this.” He says starting up again. His fingers finding your and squeezing your palm as he rocked you back and fourth. 

  “Yea and now you suck at it, its cause you are old.” you snort.

“Hey, I’m not that old, I am only 105 give me a break, I am technically 34!” He grins trying to defend himself.

“What are you babbling about frozen fingers?” a voice interrupts you. The two of you turn your heads to see Sam swooping in dancing with a beautiful women in his arms.

“Bucky here, was just tell me how he used to be good with the ladies back in the day.” you look back up at him while he sways.

“Ha! Thats a funny one. Doesn’t seem to be good at it now huh? You nearly dropped Y/N on the ground just then.” Sam mocked, he has clearly already become loose from too many drinks. 

“Shut up bird brain.” Bucky brought his attention back to you and spun you around making you laugh. Sam just snickered to himself and dances away with his dance parter and disappeared into the crowd. The music when on, the jazz filling your body, your heart pumping away in your chest as you danced on. Your heals clicking on the ground as you tried to match your foot work with his. Occasionally you would step on his feet my accident and would constantly apologize to him which just made him smile with glee. 

You felt so whole, the lights the music the dance, everything was perfect and it was like everything bad just melted away. Bucky was the only thing your eyes saw, you felt drunk on his presence as your body danced with him. Although you were never on beat Bucky didn’t care, he would carry you with him no matter what. Your hand clenching tighter around his shoulder feeling lost with out his grip. This was all you needed, you never wanted this to end.

Little to your knowledge people were beginning to watch you, a small group of onlookers began to clap to the tempo as Barnes twirled you. A small circle formed around the two of you that consisted members of the team and some lucky even holders that just happened to be around. The tempo picked up and you danced faster and faster as the song reached its peak and Bucky lifted you up by the waist and whirled you around in the air and you squealed in excitement. He gently brought you back down and dipped you down as the song came to an end and the two of you began to pant.

Clapping and cheering erupted all around you and your mouth parted to see the people accumulated around Bucky and yourself. With your body still bent over your chest heaved, your lungs begging for more air. Bucky was hunched over with you still in his arms. You looked up at him, your hands still wrapped around his neck. Something in Bucky’s eyes made your breathing stop and your body feel warm. Your smile that you had on your face slowly fading when your eyes found his lips, the way they curved up ward made you feel like there were butterflies in your stomach. In can instant you felt your cheeks turn pink. “Well that was entertaining!” a slurred voice boomed though the speakers making you jump and Bucky swiftly pulls you up to your feet. Turning your heads you both look to the stage to see Tony standing there with a bottle of champagne in the one hand and a microphone in the other. He swayed back and fourth and Bucky cursed quietly to himself at the sight. 

“Again! Again!” Stark tried to point to the two of you but dropping the bottle in the process. Pepper ran up the stairs onto the platform meeting him and grabbing onto his suit trying to turn him towards her. 

“Okay, I think you have enough!” Pepper smiles and take the mic away from a very, very drunk tony and he just leans on her whimpering out her name and tugging on her dress like a child. “Alrighty that was quite a little show we just had, so I just want to direct everyone attention to the auction room, the bidding will be held in 30 minutes so the teams can just start heading over there now and the rest of you can help yourself to more of the refreshments. Thank you!” she beams. You watch as she places the microphone on the stage and drags Tony off dragging him my the front of the suit with the Iron Man helmet in her arm. 

Rolling your eyes you look back and Bucky and flinch slightly when you realize his gaze in still on you. Suddenly realizing that you are still in his arms you clear your throat and he quickly lets go of you and you take a step back. Your skin burns from where his hands were and a feeling of loss overwhelms you when he is no longer touching you. Swallowing hard you look down and tuck your hair behind your ear and Bucky stuffs his hands in his pockets and awkwardly looks around. Turning away you watch as some people begin to leave the room and exit down into the Lobby.

“Hey, why don’t you say we ditch this party?” 

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Your bare feet dangled off the edge of the building as you looked up at the sky. The stars that you has expected to see scattered were non existent for the city lights were too bright and washed them away. Looking to the side you watch Bucky as he shifted on the ground, his hair was now down hanging loosely at his shoulders. His tie was unraveled and thrown over him, his jacket unbuttoned a glint of light would catch your eye from the Captain America pin hooked onto his tie. He laid on the ground next to where you were sitting, his arms behind is head propping him up.

Ditching the party was a wise choice, there was nothing left to do anyway and it getting boring. The two of you had snuck up to the roof of the building and sprawled out and got comfortable waiting for the festivities to come to an end. You lifted a bottle of champagne to your lips and took a big swing of it and gulped, the sweet liquid running down your throat made you shiver with delight. Handing it to Bucky he grabbed it from you and took a sip and set it down next to the empty plate of ordurvres that you had stollen from downstairs now empty with some speckles of crumbs on it. 

“Some party huh? I don’t know what I was expecting when they forced us to go to this thing.” you spoke grabbing the bottle back from Bucky and setting it next to you.

“Yea as you can see, you weren’t missing much. Its really boring.”

“But in a way I am glad that we came, it was nice to get out of the apartment for once do something new besides them sending us out on assignments.”

“Yea i guess so.” he grunted. Sitting up his expression now turns dark, his body stiffens as he fidgets around a thing he does when he has something on his mind.

“What is it Buck?” you ask nonchalantly.

“I…I want to talk about what happened. A…a few weeks ago.” His voice sounded unsure of what he was saying. Your stomach felt sick at his statement and you hunched forward a bit looking around at the site scape.

“Alright.” you started out. “Whats on your mind?”

“I never got a chance to say I’m sorry.” 

“Bucky, you did say sorry remember?”

“No Y/N, I didn’t apologize to you, sincerely. I hurt you. and I’m sorry. Im so sorry Y/N.”

“There is nothing to be sorry for Bucky. It wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself for it.”

“Y/N, I could have killed you.” his voice cracked a little.

“I don’t know Barnes, I kicked your ass pretty good too.” you laughed.

“YN…” he was not impressed at your joke.

“Bucky, I know you feel awful for what happened, I understand that, but I don’t want you to keep worrying about it. I’m okay. We are both are okay. Its in the past now alright?” you picked your words carefully trying not to upset him. To your surprise he became loose at your words, he wasn’t as stiff anymore and became more relaxed. He stayed silent for a moment and the only thing you wanted was to see him smile. 

“We needed a new broom any way. It was old. But I am lucky I put it to good use.”

With that he broke out into a chuckle and a dropped his head down trying to hide a smile. There it was. 

“Right.” he agrees with you rubbing his head where you smashed the broom over. Another awkward silence follows again and he lays back down on the ground next to you and looks up.

“Why are we so messed up?”  he drily laughs.

“We arn’t messed up, we are just trying to find our place in this world just like everyone else, were not quite there yet, we are just a couple steps behind.” He turns his head to you and you look back at him and smile. You stay up there for the remainder of the night and look up at the sky trying to find the stars in the blankets of blue.

tags: @slender--spirit @honeyicouldntthinkofaurl​ @aceanika​ @disneychic8​

[joeybelle]

Starlight - Chapter 8

Relationship: Cassian Andor x Original Female Character

Rating: Mature

Tags: Pre-Rogue One, Slow Burn, Romance, Foul Language, Hurt/Comfort

Once she got settled in the med bay, Cora’s life had somewhat returned to normal. It didn’t happen instantly, she had to spend a few more days in the cell until they found a better housing option for her and they made sure she understood all the rules and the limitations given by her “still our prisoner” status. But as soon as they convinced themselves that she wasn’t going to go berserk and kill everyone in sight, they let her become a normal human again. Within well established limits, of course, but that was nothing new.

She didn’t really understand why it took them so long to find her a place to live. When they told her they were moving her from the prison cell she assumed they’d give her a bunk bed in one of the barracks, but apparently they still wanted her separated from the rest of their men. She guessed that reinforced the idea that she was still an undesirable person.

When the guards picked her up from the cell for the last time and they brought her to her new living quarters she was surprised to notice that they hadn’t left the underground level. The room they gave her wasn’t that deep in the maze of corridors, being quite close to the elevators. It was one of the few rooms in a corridor that was now abandoned. They used to have a lot more personnel when they first moved to this base so they used most of the space available, they explained. In time, they spread their men to different bases and outposts and some of the living areas remained unused. No one wanted to live in the catacombs beneath the temple if they didn’t have to. Cora wasn’t bothered by it in the least.

The room was a lot bigger than what she expected, but scantily furnished. She had a bed, a wardrobe, a desk and a chair, all standard issue and a small bathroom on one end. It looked like the room used to house more than one person in the past, but she didn’t complain. She’d just have to find things to fill it with, to make it look more homely.

That was an interesting thought. The only real home she ever had was on ISD Corinthia when she was a kid. All the others were dorms or barracks or a tiny room on a crowded ship. They were all standardized and impersonal. She didn’t really have any personal possessions so it was very easy for her to move from one place to another. But right now she was thinking of making this place feel like home. It was an unfamiliar feeling.

Working in the med bay was a pleasant routine that she had really missed. She was doing 12 hours shifts with the occasional 16 hours here and there. She wasn’t allowed to do much else anyway. She was allowed however to be unsupervised in the med bay, mess hall and her room, so she spent most of her time working.

To say their two med bays were understaffed was a huge understatement. There were only ten medics on base, herself included, out of which four doubled as combat medics and were also going off world whenever they were needed. The med bay on the base level was primarily handling the emergencies and the small things like cuts and bruises that could be handled in a matter of minutes. The one upstairs, where she ended up working, handled the more complicated surgeries, the ones that required bacta tanks and long recovery periods, but also common illnesses and regular checkups.

While in the beginning they required her to be under the constant supervision of Doctor Crane or another medic, they soon decided that it was rather counterproductive and that she could manage the infirmary on her own, only needing another doctor to assist her on the more complicated surgeries. For a while she also had a pair of guards waiting by the door, following her whenever she left the med bay, but one day Senator Mothma sent them somewhere else and they never returned.

At first, the rebels were quite cautious in her presence, throwing her apprehensive glances, but they slowly warmed up towards her. That’s not to say that they would become best friends anytime soon, but they started smiling at her and greeting her on the corridors and that made Cora’s heart melt a little. She even met some of the other imperial defectors who were very excited to hear some new gossip from inside the Empire. She was happy to oblige since working in the infirmary of a star destroyer somehow made her an encyclopedia of useless information. She was also starting to have regular patients, like a certain mechanic that was coming in daily with with scratches or bruises. She had to wonder if he was either the clumsiest mechanic that had ever lived or he just liked seeing Cora put a band aid over his scratched fingers.

Another thing that changed in her life was that the interrogations had stopped completely. She assumed that was thanks to Senator Organa. She didn’t miss them, there was nothing to miss, but she wished she could have a few moments alone with Cassian to convince herself that he wasn’t still angry at her. He didn’t seem angry, she saw him passing the med bay almost daily, always in a hurry, and he gave her a curt nod whenever he noticed her, but he never came to say hello. She didn’t expect a “Congratulations for getting out of jail” cake from him, but he could stop by one day and ask her how she’s been doing. After all, they may not have been friends, but he knew more things about her than anyone else on base. Except maybe for General Forehead who was reading his reports.

Maybe he was busy, she thought. From the med bay she could clearly see the officers’ quarters aligned to the left and the right. His was the last one on the right. This was a piece of information she wasn’t very proud of knowing, but she sometimes found herself following him with her gaze. He was usually the one of the first to rise and last ones to go to sleep, if he even came home for the night, so maybe he was just too busy to visit. But she couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that he only ever talked to her when it was his job. And now, she wasn’t his job anymore.

The nights had become a lot more peaceful for her. Cora liked doing night shifts because there were less people that came in for a painkiller or a scratch and she could really concentrate on the ones that really required medical care. Doctor Crane was happy to let her take those, even though he opposed to her working more than sixteen hours a day. She didn’t mind. She liked being so tired that she would go to her room, take a quick shower and fall asleep instantly. This way, the nightmares weren’t bothering her anymore.

She liked being up when the sun rose. The med bay had a huge window and most mornings were calm enough that she could relax for a while with a cup of hot coffee, watching as the sky lit up. The base started getting crowded about the same time so it was a precious moment of peace.

She took another sip of coffee and contemplated going back to work. With so little personnel there was always something to do in the med bay. Doctor Crane had promised her he would be coming early that day, but Cora was in no rush to go to sleep just yet. The sun shone brightly making Cora hope than when the fog would lift she may see clear sky for the first time since she had been taken to Yavin IV. It was a beautiful morning.

Her attention was caught by a dark figure approaching the med bay. It took her only a second to recognize Cassian’s imperial droid, with Cassian in tow, of course. The Captain did a double take once he noticed her, and seemed determined to turn around and leave, but the droid put a metal hand on his shoulder and pushed him in.

“...and that’s only one possible outcome,” the droid finished whatever he was telling Cassian before they entered the med bay.

Cassian threw him a glare before he turned his attention to Cora. “When’s Doctor Crane coming in?”

“Good morning to you too, Captain,” Cora sarcastically greeted him, throwing her now empty coffee cup in the bin. “He’s going to be here soon, I suppose, but whatever problem you may have, I can assure you I am perfectly qualified to help you.”

“I’ll come back later.” He turned around to leave, but the droid caught him again.

“No, you won’t,” he said, interposing himself between Cassian and his only way out. “At the rate your current condition is deteriorating, there is a 46% probability you will be incapacitated by sundown.”

“What’s wrong with him?” she asked the droid, seeing as the captain had decided to be moody.

“Nothi…”

“He has a sort of rash on his calves that is starting to suppurate,” the droid cut him off.

“Put him on the consultation table,” she instructed the droid, while she washed her hands and pulled on a pair of gloves. “There are restraints under it if you need to tie him down.” Cassian tried to protest, but the droid urged him towards the table.

“Why are you listening to her?” she could hear Cassian hiss as she grabbed the disinfectant.

“She’s the doctor,” the droid simply replied. “Statistically, fewer bad things will happen if you listen to your doctor, Cassian.”

Cora tried stifling a laugh, but failed. “Listen to the droid, Captain. He has more common sense than you.”

“Is that an insult?” the droid asked.

“Maybe?”

Cassian snorted, but gave up on the idea of running away and got on the table. Cora carefully pulled up the hem of his brown trousers revealing the skin underneath. She hoped it would be something easy to treat like an allergy, but it seemed that the Captain wasn’t that lucky. The skin was bright red, hot to the touch and somewhat puffy. The pustules that had formed were already the size of a fingernail and had a sickly, yellowish tint. She didn’t have to test it to know what it was, after all she had treated more than 30 imperial soldiers one day of the same thing, but she took a sample from the pus anyway.

“I have no idea where you’ve been lately, Captain, but you’ve walked into some shit.” She got up and called a med droid. “98% chance of being incapacitated before noon,” she joked.

“That doesn’t sound like an actual medical diagnosis. Are you sure you’re qualified to handle this?” The droid’s expressionless gaze followed her around the room. Cassian chuckled. “And I can assure you my calculations are correct.”

She instructed the med droid to prep one of the operation rooms then put the sample in a slot in the lab machine. “I’m not doubting your calculations, but you’ve underestimated the gravity of the injury. It’s caused by a poisonous vine that grows in swamps. Besides causing purulent blisters on the contact area, it also causes high fevers, nausea, and if left untreated for longer periods of time, internal bleeding and organ failure. Is that diagnosis good enough?” She could see the frown on Cassian’s face accentuating. She assumed he had tried to brush it off as only a minor injury that was now proving to be a lot more serious than expected. “Are you allergic to anything, Captain?”

“Isn’t that stated in my medical file, Doctor?”

“You’d be surprised to find out that my interdiction to access any database includes the medical records. I guess General Draven fears that the Empire may be interested to know if you have hemorrhoids or not.” She winked at Cassian trying to lighten the mood a little.

“The Captain does not have hemorrhoids.” The droid seemed outraged by the assumption. Cora couldn’t help but smile. “And he doesn’t have any allergies either,” he added.

The machine’s screen flashed red, indicating the toxin that was already in his bloodstream. Cora instructed the machine to isolate it and to synthesize an antidote. That would take a few minutes.

“Good morning, Cora! I see you’re busy already.” Doctor Crane entered the med bay, coffee cup in hand and his ever present smile on his face.

“Good morning, Doc,” she smiled.

“Oh, good morning Cassian.” He said, noticing the patient. Cassian greeted back. “Long time no see. It almost made me think you’d started taking care of yourself and stopped getting into trouble.” The doctor opened a locked drawer, pulled out a datapad and started scrolling on it. “I was obviously wrong. What happened this time?” he asked Cora.

“Poisonous vines. He came in early, fortunately.”

“Well, I can take over if you want. You should go get some breakfast instead.”

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

“Are you sure you’d rather be draining pus than eating a healthy breakfast so early in the morning?”

“I’m sure.”

“Ok then. This is his medical file,” he said, handing her the datapad. “Wouldn’t want you going into surgery without all the available information on hand. Take care of our Captain, please,” he said

“Oh, I’m going to take real good care of the Captain,” she said ominously, looking over his medical file. That earned her a fearful look from Cassian and a blank stare from the droid. She smiled at both of them.

She was aware she was being unprofessional. She wouldn’t have allowed herself to behave and joke like that with anyone else, but with Cassian, well, he’d seen her at her worst and didn’t run screaming. Besides, she liked poking and and prodding and teasing him, trying to make him lose that stern appearance. It wasn’t a very good idea, as she knew it would probably end up in a fight, but she felt it was payback for putting her in a cell.

The machine made a “ding” so she knew the antidote was ready. She grabbed it and told a med droid  what other medication she wanted put into his IV. She helped Cassian get up and guided him towards the operating room. He didn’t protest. He was actually a lot more silent that she had expected him to be, but seeing how the colour drained from his face when he got up, Cora assumed he was in a lot more pain than he was showing.

“I’m sorry,” she told the imperial droid who followed them. “I can’t let you into the operation room. You can either wait here or go about your business, but Captain Andor is going to be in the the infirmary for a while.”

“Oh.” He seemed to think for a moment. “I’ll be going then. I’m K-2SO, by the way. Good luck, Cassian. Get well soon.” Cassian nodded.

“Nice to meet you, K-2SO.” Cora waved to the retreating droid.

“He’s in a good mood today.”

“That’s a good mood?” Cora lifted an eyebrow.

“You’d be surprised.”

As the medical droids were helping Cassian get onto the operating table and hooking him to a monitor, Cora put on a surgical gown, a mask and a pair of medical safety glasses. In her experience, dealing with pustules caused by poisonous vines was a really messy process. She remembered the first time she’d done it, in her second year of medical school since the professors really liked grossing out the students early on, she didn’t eat for an entire day. Especially since they had served cheese balls with a gooey interior that day.

Cassian was patiently waiting for her on the operating table, looking a little paler than before. She looked over the monitor, he had a mild fever right now but that may soon change in reaction to the antidote. She attached the vial to the IV and watched as the substance mixed with the saline solution.

“The antidote to the poison is really strong, so it’s very common to feel nauseous or dizzy. If you feel like vomiting, turn to the left,” she instructed him. “If the pain is too much of you feel very ill, please tell me and I’ll administer a sedative.” She’d already given him painkillers so the pain should go away soon, but the cocktail of medication had some uncomfortable side-effects.

“I’m ok,” he said, but his voice was weak.

Cora grabbed a pair of scissors and started cutting the leg of his trousers. Cassian lifted his head of the table and watched her work with an unfocused gaze.

“Are you feeling ok, Captain?” she asked, spraying his legs with a generous amount of disinfectant.

“I’m fine,” he replied, lowering his head. “Just a little dizzy.”

“That’s normal.” She applied a local anesthetic and started cutting open the blisters and draining the fluid inside. It was a tedious task, but Cora worked as fast as she could. She liked her job, even though at times she had to do gross and repetitive things like this, she still loved being able to help.

“Captain,” she suddenly asked, “why were you so determined to leave once you saw it was me in the infirmary? Don’t you trust my medical skills?” She felt he was still angry at her for insisting to see how his wound had healed, so she had to ask. She looked at him over her safety glasses. He had his eyes closed so she assumed he’d fallen asleep. A low chuckle proved her otherwise.

“You once said that you regretted saving my life.”

She blinked a few times, surprised by the answer. That was really the last thing she was expecting. “You actually believed that?” she finally asked. “And you thought I wouldn’t do my job because of it?”

“Maybe.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“Well, I lied. I was angry,” she explained, going back to cleaning the injury. “Before being an imperial or a rebel, I am a doctor. My job is saving people, friends or foes. My feelings will never get in the way of that.” She wondered if she could ever hate someone so much that she’d refuse to save them. She had one name on that list, and one name only. “Besides,” she continued, “I don’t hate you nearly enough for that.”

“But you do hate me.”

“A little,” she joked.

He laughed and said something in a foreign language that she didn’t understand. She wanted to ask him what he said, but then figured that if he wanted her to know, he would have said it in Basic. It sounded sad somehow, but maybe she was just overthinking it.

She didn’t pester him with anymore questions, as she noticed from his raspy breathing that he was starting to feel worse. His fever had gotten higher and there were tiny droplets of sweat forming on his brow. Nonetheless, he didn’t complain once. Cora finished cleaning the wounds and covered them in bacta before bandaging them tightly. It would take about a day for the incisions to heal, but treated correctly, they wouldn’t scar. That, of course, meant he had to stay in bed and let it heal.

“We’re all done,” she told the captain and was surprised when he tried to stand up. “You’re not allowed to get up just yet or the laceration will start bleeding. You’ll be back here in a few hours begging me to stop the bleeding,” she told him, gently pushing him back. “Please don’t be stubborn today.”

“I’m not…” he started to protest, but Cora started administering a sedative to the IV. His face suddenly became serene and his vision hazy as the drug kicked in.

“I’m sorry, Cassian. Not today.”

The med droids started moving him to a recovery room and Cora followed after discarding her gloves, surgical gown, mask and glasses to a recycling bin. Doctor Crane looked at them over his reading glasses.

“You’ve sedated him?” he asked.

“He was trying to stand up and leave as soon as I finished bandaging his wounds,” she explained. “It says here in his medical file that he left hospital early seven times only in the past three months.”

“Well, he doesn’t like being bedridden. But it’s still rather frowned upon to sedate people unless they really need it.”

“Just this time. I’m tying him to the bed next time. And bolting the bed to the floor so he doesn’t leave with it.” The doctor chuckled.

She followed them to a recovery room. The droids had already put him in bed and made him somewhat comfortable. She looked to the monitor. His fever was starting to go down and that was a good sign. Also the redness on his legs was starting to disappear. It meant the antidote was doing its job. He was going to be ok in a few hours.

Cora dismissed the droids and she was left alone with the sleeping rebel, the beeping of the monitor resounding in the quiet room. She took a damp tissue and wiped the sweat off his forehead. The frown had returned, like he was dreaming of something unpleasant. There were fine lines around his eyes and his skin looked like he had spent too much time in the sun, but even so he was still handsome. Cora brushed a few hair strands off his forehead but then absent-mindedly let her hand fall down to cup his cheek. He stirred in his sleep, but leaned into her touch, the overall tension on his face lessening a bit.

She couldn’t help but smile, but it was a sad smile. She just wanted to hug him tight and tell him that she had no idea what he was going though in his life, but everything was going to be alright.

Unfortunately, he was unconscious, she was his doctor and right now she was crossing a line. She took her hand away with faint sigh. She left the room wondering: just how starved for affection was he?

Just how starved for affection was she?

“You seem troubled. What’s on your mind?” Doctor Crane asked, when Cora returned the datapad.

“He’s only two years older than me,” she said.

“Yes.”

“I thought he’d be at least ten years older.”

The doctor looked at her, his expression unreadable. “He’s been through a lot,” he said, putting the datapad away. Cora looked at him hoping he would elaborate. She was really curious. “But that’s not my story to tell, so you’ll have to ask him.” He smiled.

Cora sighed in frustration. “And so another mystery will never be solved,” she joked and Doctor Crane snickered.

Previous chapter

Masterlist

[cb150681]

So way before they bring up the “meeting Papa Halstead in an emergency room” thing I wrote a one shot about it (I even joke that they had read my fanfic).

More precisely in the end of August of 2016, mostly associated with a family drama I need to get out of my chest the pain and feeling of injustice that haunted me during those days and wrote it.

Last week when I saw the episode I felt robbed. Mostly because one of the many demons that Jay Halstead fight is his nonrelationship with his father. And that was what I wrote about and that was what I expect to see but no. They simply ignore that fact and shows a Jay at his father’s house as it nothing ever went wrong between them. And that pissed me off. When they promote #OneChicago people who watch the show expect that the characters keep their storylines between shows. If not that’s no purpose in crossovers and guest appearances. Right know the only thing that #OneChicago shows have in common is the word Chicago on them.

I’m sorry for the rant but I don’t like when I'm deceived!

And all of this to say that I decided to repost again my one shot because I felt like it  (the clinical case is not the same but that was the Jay I wanted to see last week!) hope you guys enjoy!

You can read it in ao3 ff.net wattpad

Chapter 11 - The Forgiveness 

Jay's phone had been buzzing all morning. He kept ignoring it because it was his brother, probably to tell him about one of his new girls and he was too busy to loose time with that stuff. Or maybe it was to talk about how much in love he was with Natalie, anyway it wasn't a good day for pep talks.

He had a stack of process files piled up on his desk because Antonio was on vacation and Adam was not doing his job, as always, and they had promised to buy him dinner if he cleared all that bureaucratic work on his own. These past weeks had been hard on him. Since the internal affairs started questioning his and Erin ability to work as partners because they found out that they had moved in together, his life had became a living hell and doing bureaucratic work obligate him to concentrate on something different than his life right now.

Erin went back to her old apartment because she didn't want to give IA more reasons for her integrity and professionalism be questioned. Since the Voight thing, she had been on the line and under deep investigation from the Ivy Tower and when they found out that they were living together it reinforced all the doubts that they had about her and they were questioning her every step.

After a deep talk and serious ponderation they decided that it was better to live in different houses for awhile, just until the dust settled and the attention was back off them.

This arrangement was a set back in their lives and he could feel Erin slipping through his fingers again. She was not closing herself off like she did in the past but he could fell that she was distant. They still were together and they still worked as partners but he could feel difference in her and acknowledged that he could loose her again, make him grumpy and moody and he ended up diving into work to forget that they hadn't slept together for more then a month now.

The intimacy between them had gone back to the high school boyfriend and girlfriend stage. They shared a kiss or two when he dropped her off at her house after dinner and not much other then that. This situation was getting in his head and he had to confess that the lack of sex affected him too. Not that he could not live without it, but having her all day with him and then not being able to do anything was really frustrating. He missed her, he missed funny and giggling Erin. He missed sarcastic Erin and teaser Erin and God he missed sexy Erin.

He missed the good days they were living until some ass decided to kill Justin. She mourned her stepbrother but she managed to fight her weakness and stay above the surface on this and let him help her to pass through this faze but this Ivy Tower thing was getting on her nerves.

She didn't like to be watched and questioned like that and this investigation was making her question everything in her life. She loved her job. She had fought so hard for it and she was desperate to keep it. Jay knew how much she loved him, but he also knew how much she needed to survive in this world that they lived in.

His phone buzzed again and Erin raised her head from her desk and ask him. "Are you going to answer that or not?"

He looked at her, her raspy tone had come back, he hated when she used him as a punching bag. All his frustrations was flowing between them as was her frustrations and he was her obvious target.

He shook his head and picked the phone up from the desk. It was a strange number and he decided to answer.

"Halstead."

"Finally man, I've been calling you since earlier today. Why didn't you pick up!"

"Well Will I'm working so I hope this is important!"

"Father has come here to emergency surgery. He is in there right now!"

"Dad what? But why? What happen?"

Jay's face turned red and then pale as death. She noticed his free hand started to shake. She got up from her desk, walked to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. She could feel the tension that he was under.

"You know I don´t talk to him right? What do you want me to do, Will?"

"It's our father Jay, come on. Maybe you should come and be with him for a while and try to make peace."

"Ok I will be there!" She heard him say. He turned to her. "My father went in MED for an emergency kidney surgery."

She caressed his hair. "What happen?"

"Apparently his kidney failed and when they called the ambulance he asked for Will's hospital."

"They? Who? I thought he was not in Chicago!" She ask in surprise.

"Truth be told, I really don't know where he was, because I haven't talk to him for a while." Jay looked sad and in a split second he aged like ten years. He was concerned and she realized, in that moment, how short life could be. Jay didn't talk to his father for she didn't know how long, but he was his father and apparently this life and death situation put Jay in a difficult spot. He looked completed defeated right now.

All this got her thinking. She needed this man, she could not afford to loose him. She needed to stop this nonsense of not being together because of what some stupid suit thought of her, her work abilities and her loyalty to Voight. What did those assholes want from her anyway? The man was the only family that she could call family and now they wanted her to give away the only person on her life that she really could rely on, right now? She didn't give a damn what these people thought. He really needed her right now and she had to be there for him. She felt him shiver under her hand. "Jay calm down it will be ok! He is in good hands and it will be ok you will see."

"I have't spoken to him since... I really don't know when and if he dies and I'm not able to tell him that... I don't really know what to tell him because I still hate him for the way he treated my mother and I really don´t know if I can face him." Jay rubbed his chin, trying to relax but she could still feel his tense body under her hand.

"Jay, you should really go. You should make peace. If you don't you will regret. Don't you think? I'll go with you!" She said softly still caressing his hair.

"You should´t because of the investigation." He said.

"Look I really don't give a damn about this stupid investigation. You need me right now and I'm your girlfriend and your partner and I will not back off just because some suits think I'm not reliably enough for this stupid job. I'm here for you. For what you need without restrictions." Erin talk in a fast and angry tone.

He smiled at her words and got up from his chair. He hugged her, hugged her pretty tight and when he released her from the hug she kissed him, right there in the middle of the bullpen with most of her colleagues present. She hugged him and kissed him again deeper. After the kiss she whispered in his hear. "I'm not afraid of them and I'm here for you. Don't doubt that ok?"

He just nodded his head in agreement and hugged her again. He too whisper in her ear. "Thank you and welcome back!"

Their colleges ignored what they saw, because they knew better to mess with a pretty moody Erin these days and a really grumpy Jay.

She smiled at his sweet face. Now he didn't look so aged anymore. He had some light in his face again.

"Let's go ok?" She said.

He nodded, and with his hand behind her back, walked to the stairs. It was there they both noticed there was an IA investigator. He was looking straight at them both and he had a satisfied look on his face.

"Good to see you Detective Lindsay! How are you?"

With her face devoid of emotion and a raspy tone she answer him rapidly. "We are leaving so if you have something to tell me, you can inform our desk Sargent." She walked past him, leaving the building with Jay almost running behind her.

"Wait up Erin!"

"I'm sick of those guys really! What do they want for me?" Erin said irritated.

"You know that he saw us kissing right?" Jay asked, without knowing if he should be talking about this or not.

"We have more important things to do right now. We have to go see your father. So let's go!" She said turning her back again on him and walking straight to the 300.

They traveled almost without talking she was nervous, with everything that was going on flouting in her head, he could tell. He was trying to figure out what to do when he got to the hospital. He was not prepared to see his father in a hospital bed. He, for sure, was not prepared to talk to him and make peace. Could he forgive him? These words were still floating in his head when Erin parked in front of MED.

"So... do you want to go alone?" She asked with her hand on his leg letting him know that she had his back.

"No, I want you to come with me please." He said grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it.

She nodded at him and they both got out of the car and walked to the hospital.

He was greeted by his brother and the three of them walked to the room where their father was.

"The surgery went well and dad is out of danger right now, but it really was a big scare. Thought he will probably recover from this and get back to his normal life soon than later," Will informed them.

When Jay saw him laying there he stopped and started to breath quickly. Erin grabbed his hand but he didn't move. She looked at him and he was pale.

"I need to sit down!" He gasped.

"Are you ok Jay?" Erin asked with concern.

"I just need to sit down please!"

"Jay do you want some water?" Will asked, but Jay didn't answer make Will doubt what he should do. In the end, he decide to go to the cafeteria to grab a bottle of water for his brother.

Erin went with Jay to find a chair and as soon as he sat he started crying. Sob after sob. She just hugged him without knowing what to do with her own eyes full of tears.

When he saw his father in that hospital bed it all came back to him. His mother's fight, and struggle. His mother in a hospital bed and how weak she looked, just like his father looked right now. All these thoughts were to much for him to handle.

Erin's heart broke for him. She felt helpless and devastated watching his suffering. Jay was one of the strongest men that she knew. She saw him cry once or twice not more for sure. Seeing him like this was hard to witness and she wanted so badly to help him but she really didn't know what to do.

"Jay? What you need?"

He didn't answer her right away. But she felt him calming down slowly. The sobs slowly went away and he finally raised his head and looked at her. "Being here is the best you could do for me, thank you. And sorry but seeing him like that brings all my memories about my mother back. I was alone for that and ... it hurts a lot and... I don't know if I can forgive him Erin."

"Take your time Jay! It's ok. No one is forcing you to do nothing. Ok?" Erin said kneeling in front of him with both hands on his legs. Hands, that he picked up and raised to his own face.

"Thank you!"

He got up from the chair and went straight to his father's room. When he entered his father was awake and as soon as he saw him he raised his hand for him to grab but Jay didn't do it. He just sat on the chair that was next to the bed. Erin stood next to him. He stayed there in silence for a bit.

His father waited for him and as he didn't said a word he took a chance. "Jay I ..."

"Don't!" Jay's voice was broken. "You don't have the right to ask me anything. You left me alone with her. She didn't die alone because of me. You left her in excruciating pain knowing everything she was going through and you didn't care. You abandoned her. " He was almost yelling now. "If it wasn't for me she would have died alone and now you want company? "

Erin squeezed Jay's shoulder trying to calm him down but it didn't work. He was almost barking at his father. "You left her for dead. You don't do that to a dog and you did it to your own wife. What kind of man does that?"

His father listened to all that he said and when he finish he just said, "I know I don´t deserved it and I know I failed you, your brother and mostly your mother but I don't want to die knowing you have so much anger towards me."

Jay started to cry again. Erin knelt again in front of him. "Jay! It's ok! Calm down!" She was so heartbroken with all of this. Her brave man was on the edge and she didn't know how to help him. She kissed his forehead and he hugged her. She looked at him straight in his eyes. "Jay do you want to leave?"

"Yes I do! Dad I just want to say that some day I will forgive you. Now I just can tell you that I really hope you get better." He got up took Erin's hand, intertwined his fingers with hers, kissed her hand and then her head. "Thank you and I love you!"

He started walking to the door. "See you dad," he said, without looking back.

When they were out of the room she got up on her tip toes to reach him and kissed him softly. "I love you too. Today even more."

Will witnessed all this from a safe distance. It was to hard to witness his brother suffering and he knew that he was the one to blame too, their relationship was in a good place now but he knew Jay still has some resentment toward him about leaving. He just hoped some day they both could put that behind them.

[venusbrinas-blog]

Life just happens..

hey guys. whats up..!! whats ur plans today..whatcha all been up 2..?? YA, i started this blog off with 20 questions.. honestly,i love hearing from you all and finding out plans from other moms..it keeps my mommy brain rolling and gives me some ideas of things to try with my wittle people...i really hope u all had an amazing blessed night.. so as u all know my kids are on school break for there summer vacation..well the ones of you that follow me daily know..which means its harder to find the time to just sit down, relax an write...well in this case type,to post on my blog or well lets say BLOGS.. lol..i have other social sites, i just never use them as much..i"ve had a busy kinda rushed mornin, when i get home to my minis im positive it will get even busier..on the bright side,i finished working for the day and now im at the gym..so my day is half way over..no more important things on my to do list today.. when im finished here i can go home an spend the rest of my day with my babies an casson..some much needed time...during my run i was thinkin hmmmm when can i post today or even have time to write..then it hit me...after my run i can sit in my car for a bit an blog befor i head home..all ive posted today so far was a pik of my bruised knotted head and i did that while i was in the tanning bed gettin my tan on..lol... why not right....itl be so much easier & i could actually hear myself think..i could even proof read an edit....well guys..i just finished my destressing workout & run...so here i am all excited sweaty tired and coolin off winding down to GOSSIP then head home..... im comfy in my car..i did it..i made time for a chat..lol...see my mommy brain has good ideas...all im missin is my wine..im actually starven now..the antibiotics for my kidney infection/uti makes me nauseated so i havent ate much since the day b4 yesterday which was ummm,Monday right..ya monday..so im runnin on empty ive been chuggin water and i had my protein drink b4 my workout..that wasnt very filling...the nausea meds seem to be helping ..THANK U JESUS..i can handle pain but im a big baby when nauseated..i just cant handle how bad it makes you feal..the problem is phenagan knocks me out..i crash amd get a little moody after it settles in..i hate havin these infections hell any infection..it just makes my whole body ache an makes u feal like shit..literally..and when your a mom of 5..honestly who has time to ne sick with anything..the dr said make sure you get aome rest i just laughed in his face..again im a mom of 5...ANT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR DAT..LOL...i love that lady..hahaaa...i mean ya would i love to relax an rest of course i would..will my kids let me..absolutely not..hahaa..am i right momz..im sure its not just mine..im not about to post a lie an be like i laid around an my lovely family took care of me even cleaned the house a bit...thats laughable..reply to my post if u find that a dr sayin rest is laughable...lol...!!! were not alone..i just need some mommy encouragment an I'll survive..i like to think of myself as a bad ass beast mode momz even when i feal like the moon fell from the sky an landed on top of me..watch me get back up brush myself off an go again..at least i hope thats what happens..we cant all be as lucky as our husbands whom all turn into an extra baby when sick..unfortunately we still have mommy chores to do an people to feed an keep alive lol..this was suppose to be a quick short post to say hi..lol..i gotta head home people are lookin at me weird as they come out to leave the gym lol..one lady pulled up beside me when i got in my car..she jusy finished an came out to me still sitting here lol..as much as im loven no interruptions ive gotta head home..so i guess ill draft this an pick back up when i gwt home..ill get my little people busy doinh somthing so i can finish talkin lol..mayb vlogging would be easier for me..i dont no..something to think about..well,ill be back in a few minutes..its 1:56 p.m now..lets see how long itl take me to find the time lol....... N~SERTING SILENCE HEAR LOL..