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tealquacks · 4 years ago

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They Share a Kitchen 3: Grocery Gathering

Originally posted here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24317644/chapters/58625389

@alexalexisalexej

I’m sorry this took so long, but I hope y’all enjoy!

It had been a little over a week since Remus made the croissants, and the daily routines still hadn’t quite recovered. At breakfast, Virgil showed up ten minutes later than usual, and stood nervously in the doorway, checking to make sure nobody unexpected would be in the kitchen. Roman never came to visit the kitchen, but Patton brought him meals three times a day— 9:30 am, 1:20 pm, and 5:50 pm. Virgil would occasionally join him.

Patton and Janus still met for tea every single day, but they never stayed in the kitchen anymore. Patton would ask Janus to take walks with him. They’d stroll through Roman’s side of the imagination, then drink their tea and talk. The only reason Logan knew this was because Patton brought it up at dinner one night. Virgil left shortly after.

The only people who remained unaffected were Remus and him. They kept to their usual schedules. Except now Logan found himself staying up late to talk to Remus while he cooked. He had yet to make paella— something about wanting to save it for a special occasion.

Every day felt like a special occasion. Logan couldn’t help but stare at the charts he had made, one pre-Remus, and one post-Remus. Color coded and organized. Pristine.

“It’s surprising,” Logan had said at breakfast that morning, eating some waffles Patton had made, “that Remus spending one day in the kitchen threw all of our schedules into chaos.”

Virgil glared at him silently. Patton stared down blankly at his waffles.

“I don’t like him,” Patton murmured.

“You seem to get along with Deceit just fine,” Virgil spat, lip twitching in silent anger. Patton sighed.

“His name is Janus, Virgil. Be polite.”

“Why should I care?”

“Because it’s rude to call him Deceit— Logan, how would you feel if we only called you Logic?”

Logan sat straight. If he said he didn’t care, that would be mostly honest. If he said he did care, that would make it seem he had some sort of emotional attachment to his name. He swallowed.

“I don’t care either way. However, Janus now seems to prefer we address him by his real name. Besides, deceit is not his only function.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, staring angrily down at his plate of waffles. That was the end of the conversation at the breakfast table. Logan ate in silence, slowly sipping water out of a glass with a lemon on the rim.

Now, he sat at his desk. The clock said it was 2:28 pm. The kitchen would be perfectly empty, since Virgil and Patton no longer had their little talks in the kitchen. Logan didn’t know where they went, and he didn’t care to ask. Of course he worried about them, but he didn’t think where they talked mattered so much. He set down his pen, thinking of when Roman had run from the kitchen in horror, Remus doing nothing but sitting at the table.

Suddenly, someone knocked at his door. Logan stood from his comfortable office chair, and walked to the door. He adjusted his tie and smoothed his hair down before calmly opening it. That calm facade almost broke when he saw Remus on the other side, wearing a painfully bright yellow bucket hat, a fishnet shirt, and a green pair of cargo shorts. He had a bag slung over his shoulder.

“Hello, Remus.”

“You remember how you said I should make paella? Well I thought real long and hard and I thought that you could not only help me with the cooking but you could also help me with gathering the shit that goes in it! Like clams and mussels. One recipe says squid but I’ve honestly never cooked with squid and I’m not interested in fucking with that.”

Logan blinked, slowly trying to take in the information, and the sight of Remus before him. Remus never came to his room. Nobody did. It seemed like there had been an unspoken rule made, that he was never to be interrupted. Now the matter at hand.

“You want me to accompany you in collecting the ingredients?”

Remus nodded violently, causing the bright hat to flop off his head. He picked it up, and put it back on. Logan blinked.

“I’ll take that as a yes. And this involves going under the water?”

“No shit Sherlock! That’s where the mussels are! Unless you count these guns—“ Remus flexed his arms, a stunning smile on his face. Logan looked at the bag he carried, then to the yellow hat on his head.

“I think it would be best if you changed into something more… sensible.”

Remus wagged his brows, leaning up against the doorway.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m wearing a speedo under these shorts.”

“I meant the hat. It will make you very, very visible.”

“It’s okay,” Remus rebutted, “I think fish are colorblind. Maybe. Do you know?”

Logan gnawed on the inside of his lip. He didn’t know. He couldn’t say so, that would be seen as weakness. But Remus was… different, somehow, uncaring about strength and weakness. He took a slow, deep breath.

“I honestly don’t know,” Logan responded, “most fish only see two colors, but I’m unsure how many can see yellow. However, if your plans are to go underwater, it would be wise to forgo the hat.”

Remus shrugged, took off his hat, and tossed it into Logan’s room. It landed on the neat sheets of his bed.

“We won’t be in the water the whole time,” Remus said, “we still have to get other things? Like, erm, I don’t have the recipe on me but we’re almost out of apples, and honey— honey will be a bitch to get but you know what I have?”

Logan furrowed his brows, staring at the bag.

“A beekeeping suit, a smoker, and an apiary of some sort?”

“Nope! Just my morning star and overwhelming hubris!”

Logan didn't know what he’d expected. Of course Remus wouldn’t go about getting honey in any sort of logical way.

“There are other things we will need.”

“You have a special request?”

Logan shook his head.

“I don’t. But paella requires saffron,” Logan explained. “Saffron is derived from the stigma of Crocus sativus.”

“Huh? What’s uh….” Remus trailed off, snapping his fingers a few times. “What’s the common name of that?”

“They are also known as autumn crocus, or saffron crocus. Do you know where these flowers grow?”

Remus raised his eyebrows, tapping his fingers to one another— thumb to index, thumb to middle, thumb to ring, thumb to pinkie.

“Lemme think… I have a spice garden in my side, but I didn’t know that saffron came from a fucking flower! But I do have a bit of land I could… flowers. Goddamn! Saffron from flowers! That’s pretty cool! I have to ask— how did people think of putting it on shit?”

Logan suppressed a smile as Remus flapped one of his hands a little. It felt nice, being asked harmless questions, not being interrupted. Even then, he couldn’t help but wait for the other shoe to drop, for Remus to tell him to shut up. He took a deep breath.

“It is commonly believed that saffron originated in Greece, however most of it is grown in Iran, I believe.” He paused, giving Remus ample time to say something. Instead, Remus waved his hand at him.

“Well? Go on.”

Logan shifted from foot to foot.

“Saffron is incredibly expensive due to the fact that one flower only produces three strands when it blooms, and the flowers only bloom for one week each year. Saffron has been used and cultivated by humans for more than three thousand and five hundred years, and has been used not only as a seasoning, but also as a dye, fragrance, and medicine.”

Remus grinned, eyebrows raised.

“Cocaine used to be used as a medicine! Freud diagnosed it to some of his patients for depression, I think! Did you know that cocaine, like meth, can cause people to hallucinate vermin crawling under their skin? And they’ll scratch at their skins to get them out!”

“Ah, yes, delusional parasitosis, also called formication.”

“Fornication?”

Logan shook his head.

“I doubt formication and fornication could be mistaken for one another, unless ones idea of fornication is subdermal penetration.”

“Oh, talk dirty to me!” Remus cried, rolling his shoulders. Logan couldn’t stop his lips from twitching up into a small smile, but turned his expression back to a straight face as quickly as he could.

“So what are you looking to retrieve?” Logan asked. Remus reached into one of the many pockets of his cargo shorts, and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He dramatically unfolded it.

“Apples, honey, saffron, I guess, and mussels and clams and whatever else we may find. So is that a yes?”

Logan paused for a moment. He’d been to Roman’s side of the imagination, and the land was bright and beautiful, filled with fantastical creatures and lush landscapes. However, Remus was the opposite of Roman, or at least the bits of creativity that Thomas considered unpleasant enough to purge from his consciousness. So what did that include? The horrifying, the macabre, and the explicit. Dicks, drugs, and the disturbing. None of it could hurt him. And judging by the fact Remus sought him out to come with him, he wouldn’t even be threatened. As long as he was cautious, he would remain unharmed during their journey. That was reasonable enough to assume.

But what about the others? He would be expected back at dinner, which was at five pm. That would only give him two and a half hours with Remus, and time seemed to go much faster while around him, probably something to do with how Remus’ nature distorted reality around him, that reality including the way one would perceive time passing. Logan looked into his room. If he left the door closed, the others wouldn’t bother him. Patton would leave dinner outside of his door, he’d done it before, many times, but he wouldn’t come in. So he could miss dinner. If they asked questions, he could say he was busy. And they’d believe him.

Logan stared at the yellow bucket hat, garish and blinding on top of his sheets. He swallowed.

“Yes, I will accompany you.”

Remus flapped his hands expressively, smiling like a million and a half suns. He hopped from foot to foot, then did a little spin.

“Fuck yeah! I’ll let you get changed, meet me in the kitchen as soon as possible! It’ll be so much fun!”

Just as Logan opened his mouth to tell Remus he would be wearing his usual clothing, Remus sprinted away. He let out a deep sigh. He wore his usual outfit— black dress pants, a black polo, indigo tie, dress shoes. Comfortable and professional. If he were to open his closet, there would be exact clones of the exact same outfit. Of course there was always the clothing he wore on Halloween, but a bulky, velveteen coat would be even less practical. The Sherlock costume would be out of the question, and he’d long since gotten rid of his onesie.

So that left him in his typical outfit. However, the tie around his throat could possibly get caught and damaged. Logan touched his striped indigo tie, and slowly loosened it. Halfway through doing so, he realized he would look like an absolute fool without his tie. Even to Remus. Logan pulled the tie tight, so tight it almost choked him, and walked out of his room, slowly shutting the door behind him.

Logan silently crept through the hallway then down the stairs, making sure to skip the one squeaky step. If Virgil caught him with Remus, willingly spending time with him… well, he didn’t know how he would react. Virgil hated him, saw him as a nuisance, and there certainly was some history between the two of them. He had no clue what, despite the fact Virgil had once been a ‘dark’ side.

He stepped into the kitchen. Remus sat on the table, kicking his legs back and forth. Somehow, even wearing those ridiculous clothes, he looked like he belonged in the kitchen. Logan pushed his glasses up. Remus smiled at him, hopping off of the table and grabbing his arm in a tight grip. His hands felt burning hot.

“Are you ready to go?”

Was he? If the others—

“—Yes, I am.”

Remus tugged on his arm, and they both sunk down into the white tile of the kitchen floor.

A gust of warm, sweet air hit him in the face. Logan gasped at the sensation, staggering backwards. He tripped on a stone, and landed on his ass in tall grass. All around them grew wildflowers and grass, and the clouds gently danced in the sky. The flowers swayed in the wind, blossoms of all hues growing around them. Truly, a beautiful landscape. Strange.

“Is this your side of the imagination?” Logan asked, ignoring Remus’ offered hand in favor of standing up by himself.

“Yup! Wild and uncivilized. I had an idea for a monster— it’s an intelligent being that’s made of fungi that connects to the roots of plants, like how a brain makes neuron paths! Earth brain! We’re currently standing upon the brain of the smartest being in the imagination! Well, except for you, now that you’re here.”

Logan nervously looked down at his feet, face flushed. He really didn’t want to ask what the thing looked like, but his curiosity begged him to. His ego, meanwhile, preened at the small praise.

“Does it have a body?” Logan asked, “does it need to feed?”

“Yes to both questions!” Remus proclaimed, “The body is like. Laying down sort of? It’s like a big, smart pancake! And it eats! Don’t worry, it won’t eat us. Or any other side. Or cows since it’s lactose intolerant. But it won’t eat any sentient beings, like us sides! Except for Roman and his creations of course.”

Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Why only him?”

Remus twirled around, then pointed off into the distance. Logan looked to where he was pointing, and there in the horizon he spotted a massive palace, one he immediately recognized as belonging to Roman..

Remus opened his mouth, then suddenly shut it, a manic smile splitting his face.

“Look, here comes a unicorn! Oh, you’ll love this.”

And just as Remus had said, a white stallion with a gleaming horn pranced into the field of flowers. It wandered forward, then bent down and started to graze. As it opened its mouth to take a bite, the plants suddenly burst to life, wrapping around the unicorn. It fought and kicked as the thick grass dragged it to the ground— no, into the ground, as if the prairie earth had turned into quicksand. The unicorn whinnied and thrashed, until it was pulled fully under the ground, horn disappearing in the thick foliage.

“It absorbs its prey, like a protist.” Logan said breathlessly. If he could feel, he wouldn’t know if he felt shocked or impressed.

“Yeah! This land, in like a mile wide stripe, is the border between my land and Roman’s. And I don’t want anything to do with his shit. So anything that comes over here gets chomped up by Bartholomew!”

“Bartholomew?” Logan asked.

Remus crouched, patting the ground. He flopped onto his front, pressing a little kiss to the earth.

“It goes by Bart for short. And don’t worry, we had a conversation and it’s fine with it/its pronouns. Anyways what should we get first?”

Logan stared at the earth, shifting from foot to foot. Thousands of questions were bubbling in his head, but Remus had brought him to gather ingredients, not to ask questions.

“Apples,” he croaked out. Remus leapt to his feet, looking him in the eye.

“I said it won’t absorb you. It only eats Roman and Roman’s shit. And even if you did get eaten, you’d be able to sink out. You’re safe.”

Logan inhaled slowly, then let out a deep breath. He didn’t care if he was safe. He wanted to ask how Bartholomew dissolved its prey, what acid it used to break down prey, he wanted to ask about the ph of the soil—

“Let’s go get the apples,” Logan insisted.

Remus nodded.

“The orchard is like, ten miles away? I don’t know but I can teleport us. Will it make you puke? Since Jannie told me that when he and Patton were in the imagination they saw Roman and Roman teleported them away from him and then Patton puked his guts up!”

“I don’t puke,” Logan explained, “I’m not human, and I can’t pretend to be.”

“You are a part of a human. Anyways, let’s go!”

Remus grabbed his arm, and the world shifted around them, the ground fell out from under his feet— for an instant, he felt like he was flying and falling all at the same time.

Then the ground appeared again. Logan stumbled. The sun was filtered through the branches of tall trees, taller than any apple tree he’d seen. The ground felt hard, and thorny bushes grew between each massive tree. Strangely enough, even though the air felt warm, the branches had no leaves, as if winter was coming. Logan looked down at his feet. The earth was covered in a layer of frost. He crouched down and touched it, and his fingers brushed coarse weeds and warm frost.

“This is fascinating,” Logan said. He scooped a little bit of frost into his hand. It didn’t melt.

“How so?”

“Where do I start? The trees— they’re far too tall to be apple trees, yet they still bear fruit. And they have no leaves, which raises the question of how they perform photosynthesis. Not only that but the ground is covered in frost, and the frost is warm. The frost is warm, but it also doesn’t melt in my touch. Truly fascinating.”

Remus flicked his wrist, and a red apple the size of a fist fell into his palm.

“I like the way that frost looks, but I fucking hate the cold! So I made this place! And the branches are high so I can climb them and see out above the entirety of the land! But if you take issue with the height of the trees…”

Remus took a bite of the apple. He stomped his foot. Suddenly, one of the trees shrank, smaller and smaller, until it was the size of an actual apple tree. Ripe, beautiful apples hung off the branches.

“There,” Remus said, “that should be low enough for you to reach.”

“I’m not that much shorter than you,” Logan said, “do you have something to keep the apples in?”

Remus reached into the bag, and pulled out a wicker basket. Logan almost asked how he managed to do that, but realized it would be pointless. This was Remus’ land, it ran by his rules.

“I have a question!” Remus proclaimed.

“Go ahead,” Logan said, silently glad Remus had gone back to asking questions.

“Why are you so touchy about shapeshifting? Like. You never do it. I mean when the cameras aren’t rolling. You look exactly like Thomas and you never change it up!”

Logan froze. He pulled an apple from one of the branches and set it carefully in the basket.

“Patton is emotionally unstable. Virgil is a ticking time bomb. Roman tends to prioritize fantastical ideals over reality. Janus is level headed, but Thomas only just accepted him. And I’m unsure if he’ll ever accept you.”

Remus took another big bite of the apple.

“And what does this have to do with you not shapeshifting?”

Logan sighed.

“Thomas needs someone to be steady. Someone for him to rely on and trust no matter what the situation is. I don’t want to lose his trust.”

Remus giggled. Logan picked another apple.

“He trusts Patton even when he’s a fucking puppet. It’s not about trust, is it?”

Logan set the apple down in his basket.

“How many of these do we need?”

“Fuck if I know, fill the basket. But if it’s not about trust, then what is it about?”

Logan picked an apple, staring at the deep red color. He rubbed it against his polo, and he could see his reflection.

“Thomas hasn’t been listening to me as much as he should. I’m hoping that if I maintain the same appearance as him, he’ll be more inclined to listen to what I have to say.”

Logan stared at the apple. He shouldn’t be here. If the others found out he’d spent so much time with Remus, then what would they think of him? Would they consider him a friend anymore? That plus the fact he was picking apples, something they didn’t even need to do because they could be summoned with the snap of a finger. He didn’t need to eat. Logan set the apple in his basket.

Remus hummed. He flicked his wrist again, and apples began to rain from the sky. They struck the ground hard enough to bruise, and the noise they made was thunderous.

“Do you think the apple rain helps or diminishes the experience of apple picking?”

Logan stared up at the sky— cloudy, with a chance of apples.

“I don’t think catching apples in a basket counts as picking.”

“But it does count as fun!” Remus insisted.

“It’s not very effective.”

“Really now? Watch this!”

Remus pulled another wicker basket from the bag, and held it above his head. One, two, three apples hit the basket hard. The fourth made a sickening crunch as it hit the basket, and Logan flinched.

“What was that?”

“Some of the apples have bones!”

Logan furrowed his brows, looking at Remus. Another apple fell into his basket, thankfully lacking the crunching.

“An odd feature for an apple to have. What are the purpose of the bones? Structural stability? Do the bones assist in reproduction?”

“None of that!” Remus responded, “I just like the crunch! And Jannie likes the extra calcium!”

Logan nodded. Somehow, the fact that nothing made sense was logical. This was Remus’ land, it obeyed him. He plucked another apple from the tree.

“You know, Logan,” Remus said after a moment, basket held over his head, “I think you’re Eve.”

Logan raised his eyebrow.

“And what do you mean by that?”

Remus shrugged. Another apple landed in the basket with a crunch.

“Well, you see, Eve ate the apple from the forbidden tree, because she wanted to know the difference between good and evil, she wanted to see like god. In all honesty, I don’t think she was tricked. She knew what she wanted. She knew what she was getting into. She was just scared to be held liable. She was scared of the judgement.”

Logan plucked another apple from the tree. He had to stand on his toes to reach it. What Remus was saying made no sense. If God had dropped him in the garden and told him to not eat the apple, he would’ve followed the rules. And he certainly feared no judgement. Certainly.

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t? So you would have rather stayed ignorant? Unharmed by what you don’t know?”

Logan froze. Remus continued talking.

“I remember Janus told me you really went off at him when he suggested that ignorance is bliss. So, I think you’re just like Eve. I mean, would you give up peace for knowledge?”

Logan plucked another apple. Of course he would. What he wanted more than anything was a life full of books and reading, knowing everything there was to know. Being an academic.

“That isn’t my choice to make. Thomas has chosen his path in life.”

“But what if it was your choice? Then what would you do?”

Logan picked another apple. The basket was close to full.

“I would choose knowledge. I have told you what I would do as a human, I would pursue knowledge above all. I wouldn’t be able to stop my pursuit. I would never be satisfied.”

Remus snapped his fingers, and the apple rain stopped as suddenly as it started.

“Wisdom cries out in the street; in the squares she raises her voice. Proverbs 1, verse 20. You’d never be able to stop learning once you started. Which I think is pretty cool!” Remus looked him dead in the eye, lowering his basket from his head. “You’re a passionate guy, Lo. Show it. I liked hearing you talk about saffron. And if they won’t listen? Then—“

“Then make them listen. Yes. You said it before.” Logan sighed. “I must admit, I don’t think I would be able to. Once they see me as a joke, it’s over. I’m only listened to when I’m being used to counter something that inhibits Virgil and Patton. For example, when you and Janus first appeared. I… I think we have enough apples.”

Remus took his basket, full of apples, and shoved it into the bag. Logan gave him his basket, and watched Remus make it disappear.

“If they won’t listen to you just because they see you act improperly, because they see you smile and feel happy, then they’re a bunch of hypocrites that I want to punt into the fucking sun.”

Logan took a deep breath in. A tiny little voice inside of him screamed to lash out, punch a tree in anger and frustration and pain, but that would be illogical. The apples had been picked. That was all. Now saffron, or honey, or whatever Remus would drag him to next. Then he’d be back in his room, asleep in his chair, then in the morning—

“I honestly don’t know why you care so much,” Remus said.

Logan exhaled.

“They’re all I have.”

Remus set a hand on his shoulder.

“Well, you’re have me now, too. Let’s go get the saffron!”

The earth suddenly fell out from under his feet. Logan couldn’t help the surprised yelp that escaped his mouth, hand flying out to grab Remus’ arm. Then as quickly as it disappeared, the earth came back, and his feet hit the ground. He yanked his hand away from Remus, brushing invisible dust off of the front of his shirt.

They had appeared in a desert. The sun beat down bright and strong, no clouds in the sky to inhibit it. His feet sank into the sand. A harsh wind kicked up the sand, and it flew around in a flurry like a blizzard. Logan gazed at the horizon. Nothing for miles and miles, just sand, low and level.

“Is this where you find saffron?” Logan asked. Remus crossed his arms.

“You should know better than anyone that flowers can’t grow in a desert! And besides, I just found out saffron came from flowers. So I have to grow them!”

Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Why bring us to a desert then?”

Remus smiled.

“Oh, you’ll see.”

Remus turned away from him. He raised his hands out, like he was conducting a band. He slowly breathed in. Logan felt the sand under his feet shift, pull together, and shake. Logan’s eyes went wide.

“What’re you—“

Remus turned back to Logan, eyes filled with fire.

“What is the best condition for crocuses, Logan?”

Logan swallowed, mouth suddenly dry.

“Saffron crocuses bloom in early to mid fall, and prefer sandy loam and lots of sunshine. They prefer soil with good drainage, as well as a pH range of 6.0 to 7.0. Crocus grow best in hardiness zones 5 through 8, not too hot, but not too cold either.”

A cool, fall breeze ruffled Remus’ hair and the fishnet shirt he wore. Logan raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t tell the temperature, but it certainly had gotten cooler.

“What is sandy loam?” Remus asked, knocking Logan’s train of thought off the tracks.

Logan paused for a moment. Remus really wanted to know. But why? The imagination didn’t follow the laws of physics or nature, why would he want to know? He said he liked hearing him talk. But did he?

“Sandy loam is soil that, while containing silt and clay, has primarily sand in it. It is a good soil for gardening because of its draining abilities… Does it matter?”

Remus tilted his head.

“Well, if you were to be making a big ol’ crocus field, you’d care about the soil! Everything about it! So since it matters to you…”

Remus smiled brightly, and grabbed Logan’s arm, tugging him. Logan let himself be pulled, finding himself right in front of Remus, stumbling as the ground shifted under his feet. Bright sand melded together and changed, turning into dark, rich earth. Logan knelt, scooping a little bit into his hand. Sandy loam.

The soil in his hand moved, like a miniature earthquake. A small, green sprout rose from the dirt, reaching towards the sun. Delicate green leaves grew, and so did a small, purple bud. It opened. Vibrant amethyst petals showed themselves to him, but so did three red stigma. Saffron.

“My god,” Logan said, “that was amazing!”

Remus snorted out a laugh.

“What, you've never seen Roman do something like that?”

Logan shook his head. Roman preferred to run his side of the imagination like an actual human kingdom, planting saplings and waiting patiently for them to grow. Sometimes, he’d see Roman in the wheat fields, harvesting wheat with a large iron scythe, just how a human would do. He let everything take its time, and grow at its own pace.

“Really?” Remus crowed. “Well then— watch this!”

Remus cackled, and snapped his fingers.

The ground shifted under Logan’s knees, and hundreds of little green sprouts poked out from the dark earth, basking in the gentle sunlight. Glorious purple buds opened to reveal perfect crocuses, each with three sprigs of saffron inside. Logan gazed out to the horizon. The desert had turned to a field of purple, as grand and never ending as a sunset.

Logan’s jaw dropped open in shock. For miles and miles, nothing but crocus…

“Amazing,” Logan whispered, “absolutely amazing.”

With a thud, Remus sat down next to him. He leaned forward, and tore one of the crocuses from the ground, holding it up to Logan. Then, the petals shuddered, as if blown by an invisible wind, merging and shifting until they had formed a purple frog.

“Look,” Remus exclaimed, “it’s a croak-us!”

Logan couldn’t help but snort with laughter, covering his mouth quickly. His eyes went wide. Remus didn’t seem to have any intention of poking fun at him for laughing, but it was better safe than sorry. Though he couldn’t help but think of Remus, sat at the kitchen table in nothing but an apron, saying that he’d beaten him fair and square, and could do so again. Logan lowered his hand from his mouth, chuckling quietly. It was a pretty funny pun.

"Yes," Logan opened his mouth, closed it, then exhaled. "'It's quite ribbit-ing."

Logan looked up, meeting Remus’ eyes. There was no judgement, no smugness. Remus looked absolutely fucking delighted, a manic glint in his eyes.

"You've toad the line!” Remus cackled. Logan laughed quietly, staring right at the little frog in the flower, trying to think of another frog pun. His brows furrowed in thought.

"Did you know that in South America, there's a species of big frog with enough poison to kill two thousand men?” Remus said, interrupting Logan’s train of a thought.

"I don't believe that's true. The golden dart frog grows only up to five millimeters, as opposed to the goliath frog, which can grow up to three-hundred and twenty, and weigh just over four pounds."

“Damn, you know a lot about frogs,” Remus said, “it’s pretty cool!”

“I researched them extensively after Patton turned into one, just in case another problem arose.”

They stared at each other, much too long to be considered normal. Remus's lips twitched. The silence grated on Logan’s nerves. Had he said something wrong?

“Would you like to play a word association game?” Logan nervously asked.

"Part two: Electric Boogaloo!" Remus exclaimed, startling the croak-us enough to hop into the fields of its former kin.

He brought his hand down onto Logan's in a low five, purple petals smeared onto his palm. Remus was still grinning, parts of his moustache standing on end, like he'd been shocked. Electric Boogaloo. Remus sat, cross-legged in the new soil so they were face to face. Logan brushed against him, and felt the burn of a spark go out on his leg. Electric Boogaloo, again.

"Vampire,” Remus said.

Logan’s mind jumped to when Virgil had dressed as a vampire for halloween.

"Halloween."

“Black?”

"Orange."

"Bok choy!” Remus chirped.

Logan paused. What led to that connection? Remus shrugged.

"Plant,” Logan said, brushing off his previous confusion.

"Maple.”

"Canada.”

"Pancakes."

"Syrup."

"HONEY!"

Remus snapped, loud as a cracking whip. Logan watched him shake a freshly printed page he clutched in his hand, peering at it intensely.

“It says on our list that we need honey!”

Logan looked back out at the field of crocuses. Every single one of them had three sprigs of saffron inside, red and beautiful. He could smell it, the aroma beautiful and heavy.

“We have to harvest the saffron first, for the paella. How much will we need for the recipe, Remus?”

Remus sighed.

“Harvesting saffron ourselves sounds like a big waste of time. Don’t you think?”

Logan brushed his fingers on the warm, rich soil. He imagined Remus and him in the field of saffron, carefully plucking saffron from the flowers, putting the delicate threads in jars to be dried later. Then he could ask all the questions in the world about the soil, the saffron. He could spend hours talking to Remus about everything he wanted to. He wanted to say so much. And yet his mouth wouldn’t obey him. Remus wouldn’t tell him to shut up, so what was stopping him? Nothing was stopping him.

“Yes,” Logan said, “it would take up a good deal of time. But honey won’t take that long, will it?”

“I don’t even need honey,” Remus admitted, “I just wanted an excuse to spend time with you without any of the others popping in or having to wait until like five am. You’re the functional one, you gotta get some sleep.”

Logan’s eyebrows shot up. Oh. Remus’ words slowly went through his head. His heart did a backflip— even though that certainly was anatomically impossible— and his lungs stopped taking in air.

“Yeah,” Logan said, voice quiet, “I do. I mean— uh. Spending time with you is much better than laying unconscious for eight hours.”

“As if you get eight hours of sleep,” Remus said, a bright smile plastered on his face.

“So. We don’t need honey?”

“We still need mussels.”

“Mussels, yeah,” Logan said, breathless, standing up, “lead the way.”

“What about the saffron?” Remus said, raising an eyebrow. He stood.

“...Well. We can always come back for that some other time.”

Remus nodded, a bright smile plastered on his face.

“Yeah, some other time. Well then. Off we go!”

Remus grabbed Logan’s arm, and the world fell away from them. Logan closed his eyes.

Waves crashed gently. He could hear them, and feel a cold sea breeze blow on his skin, ruffling his hair. He slowly opened his eyes. Apparently, night had fallen while his eyes were shut, and moonlight bathed everything in a pearly pale light. The air smelled like salt. Both of his feet were solidly on a wooden dock. Remus’ hand still felt warm on his arm.

“How long did that take?” Logan asked. The sun had still been up when they left.

“It’s always night here,” Remus explained, shifting his weight from foot to foot, “I like it better that way. Look at the beach and you’ll see why.”

Logan turned his head. The moon shone gently on the black sand beach, but more impressive were the waves— each foaming, rushing wave carried with it an ethereal teal glow, like all the stars in the sky were gently ebbing with every wave. Logan stared at the water, eyes wide.

“The waves glow like that because of an algal bloom, right? And when the water moves it causes the algae to glow. It is absolutely wonderful, Remus.”

Remus smiled, running his hand through his hair, almost as if he was shy.

“Thanks, this place is one of the first places I’ve ever made, and the first one I felt satisfied with. The rest of this place I like to keep constantly changing, but not here.”

Remus walked to the end of the dock. He calmly set his bag down, then yanked off his fishnet top, holding it in his hand. Logan watched his hands undo the button of his shorts, then watched Remus toss his shorts onto the dock, revealing the bright green speedo he wore, leaving nothing up to the imagination. Remus raised his arms out like Christ on the cross, looking up at the full moon. Then he tilted backwards, gracefully falling off the dock, and landing in the water with a loud splash.

Logan slowly walked to the end of the dock. He knelt, knees pressed against wet wood. Even through the glowing waves and the dark water he could see Remus’ back, his legs, pale skin disappearing quickly underwater.

Logan’s hands clasped the indigo fabric of his tie. Then they drifted down. He sat down, cross legged, staring down at the water. Slowly, he took one shoe off, setting it carefully behind him. Then the other. He pulled off his socks and placed them in his shoes. Then his pants, leaving him in boxers, his shirt, and his tie. He took off his glasses.

His hands clasped his tie again. He gazed at the water, dark as the night around him except for the beautiful waves and the occasional glimpse of Remus’ skin. Then he raised his head, staring out into the distance. He could see for miles. Empty, dark ocean, with no land in sight. Slowly, he loosened the knot. His hands shook.

Remus wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t care if he took off his tie. He wouldn’t see him as less. He would see him as Logic, as Logan. Nothing less.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath of cold, salty air. pulled off his tie, setting it with the rest of his clothing. Before he could lose his nerve he yanked his shirt off, threw it haphazardly in the pile of clothing, and ran to the end of the dock. He jumped. Time seemed to slow as he rushed through the air, flying to the water—

He landed with a loud, graceless splash. The water around him lit up like fireworks. Surprisingly, the water felt warm compared to the bite of the wind. Logan couldn’t tell where Remus was, he just knew he was underwater with him now. Logan kicked and paddled until he reached the surface, gasping for breath. A sharp laugh escaped him. His heart pounded in his chest— he could feel it beating, even though he knew he didn’t need one to function. The waves rushed over him, bright as all the stars.

Logan treaded water in place, then let himself tilt back, until he floated on his back. Waves gently rocked him, and he let them. What had he been so scared of? He laughed again, much quieter, listening to the waves rush to shore.

Next to him, he heard Remus surface, taking a deep breath.

“You good?” Remus asked. Logan turned his head a little, looking at Remus. His hair was soaked, plastered to his forehead.

“Perfectly fine,” Logan responded, “and you?”

Remus didn’t answer, just smiled and sunk into the water. The wind blew cold over his skin, sending a shudder up his spine. Remus had to be swimming under him, collecting the mussels he’d use for the paella. Logan couldn’t help but wait for the time they’d be able to spend in the kitchen, knees bumping, or the time they’d spend collecting saffron, the sun shining on violet flowers in a golden gleam.

Logan breathed out slowly. There was something with Remus that made all his thoughts become portraits. Cohesive, yes, but coated in a loveliness that never used to be there. It might have to do with the imagination. It might not.

The waves beneath him swelled, then gently ebbed out. Remus surfaced again, treading water as easily as breathing. He’d changed his fishnet top into a net, which was full of mussels and what looked like clams, maybe? Logan couldn’t tell.

Remus gingerly grabbed Logan’s arm. The waves under them swelled.

“Let’s go back up onto the dock,” Remus whispered.

Logan nodded. Within the blink of the eye, they both appeared on the dock, both of them soaking wet. Remus shook his head like a dog, water flying everywhere. Logan raised his hand to keep the water from hitting him, even though he was already absolutely soaked. Remus set the bag of shellfish on the dock with a clatter.

He calmly took one out of the net, and Logan realized they were oysters, not clams. Remus grabbed his bag, unzipping one of the pockets and pulling out a knife. He held the oyster carefully, curved side flat against his palm, and wiggled his knife into the hinge between the shells. Remus’ hands were surprisingly steady, even as the knife slipped between the shells and the oyster popped open. He scraped the knife against the inside of the shell, freeing up the meat, then knocked the oyster back like a shot.

Silently, he offered Logan the knife. Their fingers brushed as Logan took the hilt of the knife, grabbing an oyster from the net. He mimicked Remus’ movements, trying to slip the knife between the two shells. Remus chuckled, and grabbed the hand that held the knife.

“You have to press harder,” he said, “you can’t finesse your way into the shell, you have to put some oomf behind it. If you don’t, it’ll never ever open up.”

Logan swallowed. He felt oddly lightheaded as Remus guided the knife between the shells of the oyster, helping him push the knife into the space between the shell, easing the hinges apart with the flat of the blade. The shell slipped into the cup of his fingers, just so, supported by the weight of Remus's hands over his, thumb pushing against his, twisting the hinge open with a pop.

"See?" Remus was grinning, that ever-present expression of glee, and Logan tore his eyes from it to the movement of hands again, guiding the knife under the oyster to lift the flat shell off.

"These would be good for the garden," Logan blurted out. Remus looked up, just as attentive as he'd always been, and the words caught in his throat for a second. "For- for the soil, oyster shells, when ground into powder, have been shown to improve soil pH and nutrient status, strengthening cell walls due to an increase in calcium, overall resulting in healthier produce.”

Remus tilted his head. Logan’s face flushed.

“...I know you employ an extraordinary method of growing and cultivating, and therefore have no need for this knowledge, but tossing them aside or simply letting them disappear seemed.. unnecessary."

"I think you need to stop worrying about what I need to know, and start asking what else I'd want to hear,” Remus said with a grin, “But it is flattering that you think it's extraordinary. Now why don’t you try the oyster?”

Logan stared at the meat of the oyster.

“I just… drink it?”

“Like a shot, yeah.”

Logan slowly brought the oyster to his mouth. Slowly, he tilted his head back, opening his mouth.

The taste made his eyes go wide. The meat of the oyster was plump against his tongue, but it tasted like coppery brine. He swallowed it without chewing, since he hadn’t noticed Remus’ jaw moving. The coppery taste lingered on his tongue. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath of fresh, ocean air.

“Why don’t you stay here?” Remus suddenly asked. Logan’s eyes shot wide open. He had another oyster in his hands, wriggling his knife between the shells.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Remus looked down at the oyster, face surprisingly blank and unreadable.

“You spend all day in your room except for when you come out and cook with me. I have a feeling that I almost wasn’t able to get you out of your room today. So why don’t you just stay here? I can make you a castle or a cottage for you to study in, and you won’t have to worry about the others bothering you. And you’ll be able to come here whenever you want. So what do you say. Will you stay?”

Logan stared down at his hands. He could. He could say yes, and watch Remus make him a place to stay, a place that was truly his. No worries of anyone walking in and seeing him disheveled, just himself and Remus.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t say yes. I’m needed with the rest of the sides, and Virgil may see my leaving as betrayal, or a sign of untrustworthiness. I need to keep them on my side. I need them to trust me, to listen to me.”

Remus still was fixated on the oyster. The knife slipped between the two shells, and it popped open. Remus’ brows rose.

“I still think you’d enjoy it here more than you would crammed in your little room all the time. And I don’t know how to tell you in a way that’ll make you listen, but they need you more than you think they do. You are all of Thomas’ cleverness and wit. Where would he be without you? Creativity is nothing without knowledge— whether its working with or against knowledge.”

Logan shook his head. Remus slowly reached for Logan’s hand. Logan let him take it, pull his fingers open, and press something into his palm. It felt like a pebble. Logan felt his hands ball into fists.

“Roman seems to mostly work against me, but at least Thomas heeds his words. I really can’t stay here. I…. I should honestly go. It’s late.”

Logan awkwardly stood, fists still clenched. Remus looked up at him with wide eyes, brows furrowed.

“Are you sure?”

Logan opened his mouth, but no words came out. A part of him still wanted to stay, to sit with Remus at the dock and watch the glowing waves, to eat oysters with him. He closed his mouth and nodded. Remus sighed.

“Alright. I’ll teleport you and your clothes back to your room. Just… you’re welcome back whenever you want. Don’t be a stranger, Logan.”

Logan smiled. He wanted to say something, but the next thing he knew the world vanished around him. Then it reappeared, and he saw the door to his room. There was a bowl of spaghetti in front of it. It had long grown cold, but Logan picked it up anyways, and stepped into his room.

He set the bowl of spaghetti on his desk, and haphazardly tossed his clothes on the floor. He felt soaked to the bone, and started to shiver a little, even though he knew he couldn’t feel cold, couldn’t feel pain, couldn’t feel the cocktail of conflicting emotions inside of him. With a sigh, he sat in his office chair. His hands, still curled into fists, shook slightly. What had Remus given him? Slowly, he relaxed his fingers.

Resting in his palm was a round, black pearl.

Logan stared at the black pearl in his palm. A million different thoughts rushed through his head, most of them strange and illogical. He could go back to the pier and watch the luminescent waves, or help Remus grind the oyster shells down into fertilizer. And they would eat oysters together until they had enough pearls to make a necklace, a necklace he’d wear wherever he went.

Then what?

Then Logan would wear the necklace, and someone would ask where he got it from.

This was for the best for Thomas’ stability. It had to be.

Logan let his head flop against the headrest of his office chair, and shut his eyes, hoping sleep would take him.

He never let go of the pearl.

#Sanders sides #Logan sanders #remus sanders #intrulogical #sanders side fic #they share a kitchen #patton sanders #virgil sanders

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innaminitus · 5 years ago

Text

The one with veritaserum

About the series: What are you about to read is a series in a sitcom manner. This means the chapters are going to be only briefly connected to each other and you don’t have to read them all (you can start in the middle if you want and you should still be able understand what’s going on). Just as in sitcoms majority of the stories will have the beginning and the end (something like oneshots). Think of it as if you were watching Friends that I copied the title from.

AU: Hogwarts

Pairing: Various (for now: Loki x Reader, Tony Stark x Reader)

Chapter summary: Steve has a major problem and you are more than wiling to help him solve it.

Chapter warninigs: language

Chapter word count: 2458

A/N: As always I will publish the next part when this one hits at least 100 notes. (shoutout to the people who are reblogging or commenting these a few times just for the sole purpose of it gaining the notes lol, I can see you all)

I want you to create this series with me! Got any idea what could happen to our pals? Let me know! Let’s make this as awesome as we can, together!

Tag list is open. PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU’RE ASKING FOR A TAG IN THE COMMENTS OF THE MOST RECENT PART OR THROUGH ASK/PRIVATE MESSAGES (and that your blog is set on visible or I won’t be able to tag you)

Despite the cold you were sitting under the tree near the Great Lake, keeping yourself warm with a blue flame in a jar. Tony’s head was resting on your thighs, he was flicking through pages of an old charms book, searching for a spell fitting for a little metal man he’s built a few days earlier.

You looked at him over your potions textbook when he shouted “Ha!” and flicked his wand. The metal man made a screeching sound and moved; his palms turned to the ground and a beam of light shot from them, lifting the man up.

“Finally something worked,” Tony said and looked at you, adjusting his glasses. “What do you think?”

“It’s funny,” you laughed when the man swirled in air. “But I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

“It is,” he chuckled and sat up. “But I am not going to tell anyone about it. Are you?”

You pretended to consider it.

“Maybe I won’t… But you have to convince me not to.”

He gently pulled your scarf.

“Well, as you know, I am a very good at convincing-“

Just as his lips were about to touch yours, you heard someone approach you. You turned your head at the shadow and smiled when you saw Steve awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hey, Stevie,” you unwittingly used the nickname you picked up from Bucky when you and Steve dated, and it caused Tony to raise a brow at you. “Do you need something?”

“I was hoping we could talk,” he said, avoiding your sight.

You and Steve didn’t talk much since your break up, mainly because of how unpleasant it was. That’s why you stood up without a word, squeezing Tony’s hand calmingly and promising to come back soon. If Steve wanted to talk to you in private, it must’ve been serious. After all, he would always talk to Bucky before consulting anyone else.

You walked to the shore of the lake and squatted, putting your hand into the cold water to encourage the squid to come up. When a big, purple tentacle dived from under the water, sprinkling you and Steve with droplets, he squatted next to you.

“So what do you want to talk about?” You asked, reaching to the tentacle and avoiding the suckers while tickling it.

“I- You remember when we broke up, I said something about us not being a match.” When you nodded, he continued. “It was because… I kind of… Cheated on you?”

“Is that a question?” You turned from the tentacle and looked at Steve, suddenly slightly offended.

“Sorry… Watch the tentacle… And after that I realized I can’t be in love with you,” the words were escaping his lips as if they were causing him physical pain.

“So you wanted to be with the other girl? Why are you saying it to me now?”

He took a deep breath.

“Because it wasn’t a girl.”

“What?” You gasped, at the same moment when the squid’s sucker attached to your forearm painfully.

“Shit, I told you to look out!” Steve shouted and jumped to you, trying to get the tentacle off of you.

“Oy! What’s going on there?!” You heard Tony shout from the distance and you quickly let him know everything was fine.

To say that you were shocked was an understatement. Steve was always surrounded by girls.

“Alright, so, just to make everything clear.” You looked at your arm with a giant hickey on it. “You cheated on me with a boy?” He took a deep breath and nodded. “Who?”

He was so uncomfortable it almost made you feel bad, but it was too late for you not to dig further. He was the one who wanted to talk, after all.

“Bucky…”

“You’ve slept with Bucky?!”

“If you’ll be any louder they will hear you in Hogsmeade!” He hissed. “And I haven’t slept with him, it was just a kiss, but… It was the kiss, do you get me? Like the one when you just know it’s the right person.”

“You mean the one we’ve never had?” You tried to joke, but he clearly wasn’t in the mood. “Alright. You kissed Bucky. What’s next?”

“That’s where my problem is. Nothing,” he sighed. “I’m… just… Hopelessly in love with him.”

You washed your hands in the lake, getting rid of the squid’s slime, trying to get your thoughts together.

Steve just admitted your relationship could never work out, because he was gay and in love with his best friend.

When the first shock passed, it actually made sense. Steve never dated any girl after you, and it definitely wasn’t because none of them was interested in him; once he and a few of his friends mixed different potions along with butterbeer and made him drink it, Steve was hot enough to set fire in any girls’ pants.

“So why don’t you confess to him? He kissed you, too, didn’t he?” You asked, aware that it was probably the worst advice in the world.

“He did, but we were drunk, it couldn’t’ve been sincere.”

Seeing Steve so hopeless made your heart twitch. Not because you still had feelings for him, but because he was always so good and honest, and him being hurt seemed absolutely unfair.

“I know what we’re gonna do.” You suddenly smiled madly. “But you have to host a party.”

It was Saturday, close to midnight when you sneaked out of the dormitory and, without shoes to make as little sound as possible, run through the dungeons to Snape’s storage room. Your heart pounded like crazy, but you were determined to help a friend in need. Even if it was a little illegal and could cost you a whole lot of house points.

When you reached the narrow, wooden door, you pulled your wand and pointed it at the lock. “Alohomora,” you whispered and smiled widely when the lock clicked and the door opened. You entered the storage and closed the door shut behind you. “Lumos.” Subtle light let you read the labels on countless bottles, jars, packages and boxes, mounting on the shelves. You let out a gasp. There was no way you would find the elixir you were looking for anywhere in this century. You decided to try your luck and raised your wand. “Accio veritaserum.” To your surprise a little, blue bottle fell from the shelf and hit your head. You grasped it just before it shattered on the floor. Neat, simple handwriting told you that it was indeed what you were looking for.

You slid it into the pocket of your heavy jumper and sneaked out of the storage, closing the door shut behind you. Adrenaline still rushed in your veins as you used a secret passage behind a tapestry and after a few steps and turns found yourself on the fifth floor. You reached the fourth armour and tickled a chipped brick next to it. The bricks moved, showing a wooden door.

“Can you open, please?” You asked politely, wrapping your fingers around the knob and smiling slightly when the lock let go.

As you walked to the party and the new song of Spellbound sounded form the radio, Steve almost run to you, trying to look as normal as possible.

“Do you have it?” He asked, just as excited as nervous.

“Of course I do.” You smiled cheekily and took the bottle out of your pocket.

Steve dragged you to the table with alcohols, quickly grabbing a cup and firewhiskey. He mixed it with pumpkin juice before handing it to you.

“Add it…”

You opened the bottle and poured a few drops into the drink.

“Do you think that’s enough?” You asked, wrinkling your nose and after a second thought adding a few more drops. “Alright. I’ll go talk to him first to check the ground and then you will take care of the rest, right?”

“Right.”

You saw the door opening and froze when you saw Nat and Loki entering the classroom. You haven’t talked to Loki since your fight and even though your heart was breaking, you were too proud to talk to him first. You wanted to clear things up, he made them even messier.

You turned your head from him at the same time he looked at you, took the drink and went searching for Bucky. You found him near the radio, looking through songs.

“Hey, Buck,” you greeted him with a smile, bumping your arm onto his.

He smiled back.

“How are you, Y/N?” He changed the music to the Wicked Sisters.

“Fine, fine… I made myself a drink, but it’s too strong for me.” You showed him your cup with heavy beating heart. “Maybe you want it? I only took a sip.”

He leaned on the table and shrugged.

“Sure, why not.” He took the cup, but didn’t drink.

“So, umm… And how’s it going with you?” You asked, desperately trying to keep the conversation going until he drinks the elixir.

“You know, it’s going. I’m a little sore after today’s Quidditch practice.” He massaged his shoulder, as if to prove it to you.

“Well, then, drink up! Nothing better to relax than firewhiskey,” you laughed, hopefully not nervously, but he chuckled with you.

“You’re probably right.”

The moment he put the cup to his lips was probably the longest one you’ve ever experienced, but at last you saw him take a big gulp.

“Firewhiskey and pumpkin juice is my favourite,” he said and wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb. “I didn’t know you like it, too.”

“Yeah, well, actually Stevie made it for me.” Your voice was tense. How would you know if veritaserum worked?

“Nah, I don’t like it when you call him Stevie, that’s only for me to use.” He shook his head and after a second raised an eyebrow, as if not exactly believing he said it out loud.

So it worked! Your stomach jumped with excitement.

“I won’t call him that if it’s bothering you,” you said politely and he murmured something that sounded like ‘it does’. “Talking about Steve…” You lowered your voice. “I’ve heard you two kissed when he was still dating me.”

Bucky looked at you with guilt in his eyes and took another gulp.

“Yeah, sorry for that. We were drunk-“

“Do you feel something for Steve? I mean more than friendship?” You tried your luck and was hoping you haven’t used your daily package of it.

Bucky seemed to be fighting himself, not wanting to say something, but eventually the veritaserum was stronger than his free will. You almost felt guilty.

“I think I actually might.” He looked as if he was himself surprised. “Why are you asking such questions?”

“Curiosity.” You shrugged, trying to hide your excitement. “If you do, I think you should tell him so.”

You had to tell Steve, the situation was perfect.

“You know what? Maybe I will…” He slowly nodded and gave you back the drink.

“Go get him!” You shouted after Bucky as he went looking for Steve.

Grinning, you waved to Tony who just entered the party along with Thor and Clint, and wanted to approach you when he saw you, but Thor dragged him to the alcohol table. You pushed yourself off the desk you were leaning on and bumped onto somebody, spilling a bit of the drink.

“Sorry…” You murmured and looked at the person, although it would be probably better if you didn’t.

Loki was wrinkling his nose.

“You’re drinking firewhiskey now?” He wiped it from his sleeve.

“Why do you care?” You spat out. “And it’s with pumpkin juice.”

He snapped the cup from your hand and smelled it.

“Smells weird.”

“Well, it tastes good.” You tried to take the cup back, but he was already trying to drink it. “Hey! That’s mine!” Nervously you grabbed it just as he was about to lean the cup.

Before you could think twice, with one big gulp you emptied it.

Stupid girl.

But that was better than Loki drinking veritaserum. You could control at least a bit of what you were saying if you knew you’ve drank it, right? And you weren’t feeling odd at all.

“Gods, you’re annoying,” he sighed and wanted to walk away, but you stopped him by grabbing his elbow. “What?”

You wanted to insult him. Curse, jinx, anything, but none of it was willing to spill down your tongue.

Because none of it was true or sincere.

“I don’t want us to fight,” you said silently, needing to get at least something off your chest.

“Shouldn’t have started it, then.” His voice was lowered as well, and even though he seemed to be blaming you for everything, he sounded blue.

“You started it. You pushed me away-“

“We’ve already talked about it and there was no good from it.”

“Can we just forget it, then? Start over?” You asked, not believing you were actually proposing such thing. Without veritaserum you would never force yourself to say it.

He just looked at you for a moment with disbelief.

“Y/N, do you really think I can forget it all?”

You shook your head. “No. But I think you can let it go.” You walked closer. “Please, Loki. We can work it out, I know it.”

“Can we?” He laughed unpleasantly. “You said you don’t need me. Why the change of heart?”

You clenched your teeth. If you could only hit him in his face.

“I lied. You know I did. Why are you making me say these things?”

He smiled again, this time cheekily.

“Because you’ve just drank veritaserum.”

The blood rushed to your cheeks, you felt as if you were to breathe fire and burn him to ashes. “You fucking-“ you couldn’t finish, so you weakly hit him in his chest. He just pulled you close and wrapped his arms around you. Whether you wanted it or not, you mirrored his moves. “How did you know?”

“Tony told Thor, Thor told Clint, he told Nat and Nat told me.” He murmured in your hair.

“So you’re okay with me dating Tony now?” You rested your chin on his chest to look at him.

“No. Very much not okay.” He shook his head. “But I need you, too, Y/N.”

You heard a grunting and turned.

“Am I interrupting?” Tony asked, his arms crossed.

“Yes,” you and Loki said in unison, making you very surprised.

This fucking veritaserum.

Loki stepped away and pushed you in Tony’s direction. You could see a glimpse of pain in his eyes.

“Very much not okay,” he said silently when Tony pulled you on the dancefloor, but your sight was still on Loki.

You couldn’t explain the aching of your heart.

___

Previous: The one with secrets

Next: The one with the duel

___

Tag list: @lokislilslut @inlovewithmrstark @help-i-need-a-social-life@arcanethamin @nevaeh-potter15 @timetraveler1978@tanelle83@fuckythebuckybarnes @fashionlive15@tricksterwinchester@tvdplusriverdale @lovinnholland@fandomqueen74 @frenchfrostpudding @batmomphd@themusingsofmany @bwbatta @40sstuckys @imaginesxfandoms @daddyloki

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chicgeekgirl89 · 5 years ago

Text

Teamsgiving 2019: A Squid and the Dagger Story

Fandom: NCIS LA

Characters: Full Team plus a few guests

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Ma!! Mama!!” Deeks bellowed from the bar dining room.

“Martin, how many times do I have to tell you not to yell for your mother?” Roberta stepped out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. “If you need me, come find me.”

Deeks was not in the mood for a lecture. “What the hell is this?” He gestured at the long dining table running through the middle of the room.

“It’s a table Martin. A table that I helped you set this morning.”

“No, I mean this!” He thrust a butter dish at her with a frown on his face.

“Oh that. I ran out of butter for the potatoes so I used a little.”

“A little?! Mama, you beheaded him!” Sure enough, the tiny, turkey-shaped butter was headless.

“Well he’s just going to get eaten anyway. What’s the big deal if he lost his noggin a little early?”

“I can’t serve headless turkeys to our guests!”

“Well I hate to break this to you dear, but the turkey currently in the oven is also headless. I’m sure no one will mind.” She patted his cheek and turned to go. “And if you’d like me to finish cooking said turkey, I’d suggest you refrain from any more criticism!”

Both his mother and Kensi had encouraged him to give up the idea of hosting a “teamsgiving” at the bar, citing that the kitchen was too small to cook for the number of people invited. He’d plowed ahead anyway, stating that he had a second kitchen upstairs. It didn’t matter that Callen lived in the same room as that kitchen. He was sure their team leader wouldn’t mind.

As it turned out Callen did mind, but after a lot of smooth talking and several promises for updates to other things in the apartment, he’d given in. Deeks had left him babysitting the stuffing and gravy while he’d gone downstairs to check on his mother, the butter-turkey murderer. Deeks glared down at the offending bird and then set it down on the table in disgust. His first problem had been allowing anybody else to help with this dinner. Clearly no one knew what they were doing.

His second problem was that Kensi wasn’t there yet with the pies. He checked his watch and then pulled out his phone to text her just as she walked in the door. “Babe, where have you been? I thought you’d be here like an hour ago,” Deeks said as she set several boxes on the side table.

“Sorry,” she gave him a peck on the cheek. “The pies took longer to bake than I thought.”

The word “bake” sent a trickle of fear down Deeks’ spine. “Bake? What do you mean bake? I thought you were picking the pies up at the store.”

“Well I was going to,” she told him. “But then I thought, how hard could a pie be? It’s just a crust with stuff in it.”

“Oh no. No, no, no.” Deeks put his hands on her cheeks, squishing them together. “Kensi. Kensalina. My darling wife. Tell me, tell me, that you did not bake these pies on your own.”

She swatted him away and glared in annoyance. “Yes, Deeks, I baked the pies. And you’re welcome.”

“But Kens, you can’t bake,” Deeks said weakly. “Remember the Christmas cookie incident of 2018? And the brownie debacle of 2017? I can still smell the smoke when I open the cabinet over the stove.”

Kensi huffed. “I just wanted to give it a try. See? Look. They’re fine.”

They did look okay, all three of them lined up inside the boxes she’d brought in. Deeks swallowed his panic and tried to move on. “Okay. Okay fine. It’s fine. We have lots of ice cream anyway. That will cover up whatever these taste like.”

Kensi’s glare turned even stonier. “You know, for someone hosting a Thanksgiving dinner, you’re not being very thankful.”

“I just want things to be perfect!” Deeks said.

“Yeah, well, maybe you should think about the true meaning of the holiday.” She headed for the stairs.

“Where are you going? You said you’d help me get the drinks ready!”

“I’m going to see if Callen needs any help!”

She opened the upstairs door without knocking and slammed it shut behind her.

Deeks was left to make his Thanksgiving cocktails on his own. He’d just barely finished with the last glass when the door to the bar opened and Nell and Eric came in. “Hey! Welcome!” Deeks rushed over and took the casserole dish from Nell. “Welcome to Teamsgiving!”

“We’re glad to be here,” Nell said. “That’s sweet potato casserole. It should go in the oven until we’re ready to eat.”

“I’ll take that.” Roberta appeared and whisked the dish away into the kitchen. “I’ll just see what I can move around in here to get it in!” she yelled pointedly at her son as she walked past.

“Can we help with anything?” Eric asked as Deeks handed them each a drink. “I’m an excellent dishwasher.”

“No, just come on in, relax, enjoy yourselves. Sam should be by any minute and Callen’s just upstairs—“

The door opened again and Sam came in, but he wasn’t alone. “What’s up Deeks?” he said with a grin. “I hope you don’t mind, I brought a friend.”

“Katherine. What a surprise,” Deeks said, his mind mentally calculating exactly how many dinner rolls that left per person. “Come in. The more the merrier!”

He pressed drinks into their hands as Callen and Kensi came downstairs bearing the gravy and stuffing. “Well hello Katherine,” Callen said with a gigantic smirk on his face. “Good to see you. Did we know you were coming?”

“Well I never say no to pie,” she told him.

“You might say it this time,” Deeks muttered, glancing at Kensi to make sure she hadn’t heard.

The door opened a third time and Hetty strolled in, her eyes taking a critical look around the room. “Well, this is quite the establishment Mr. Deeks,” she said. “I’m so glad I had the opportunity to come and see it for myself.”

“Hetty! What can I get you?” Deeks asked. “Whiskey?”

“I prefer scotch please. Neat.”

“Coming right up.”

“Turkey’s done!” Roberta shouted from the kitchen. A few seconds later she appeared, bearing a gigantic tray “Everybody get settled down while it’s hot.”

As they scraped their chairs back to get seated there was a knock on the door. Deeks looked around the room counting people and then at Kensi who shrugged. “We’re all here, right?” Callen said, as the knock sounded again.

“Oh that’s for me.” Roberta fluffed her hair, and straightened her dress. “I invited a guest.”

“A guest? Mama, you didn’t tell me about this, we’re not going to have enough rolls!” Deeks hissed as she walked by him and opened the door. “Well hello AK!” she crooned. “Come inside.”

“I have brought best vodka for team Thanksgiving celebration,” an extremely familiar voice boomed.

Every eye at the table widened. “No,” Deeks whispered. “Oh god no.”

“Hello friends!” Arkady Kolcheck himself stepped through the door, a broad smile on his face, the bottle of aforementioned vodka held high. “I am come to celebrate this beautiful American holiday with you!”

Callen turned a pointed look at Deeks. “Did you know about this?”

Deeks shook his head. He could feel tension creeping into his shoulders. “I did not. But I think I’ll turn in my badge because I definitely should have anticipated it.”

“Sit right here by me AK,” Roberta said, ushering him to a chair.

“Oh no.” He pulled out her chair with a dramatic flair. “It is always the ladies first my Robbie.”

Kensi wrinkled her nose. “Did you know your mom and Arkady had nicknames for each other?”

“No, I did not and I wish I still did not,” Deeks said, pouring himself a very large glass of wine.

“But I see one friend I do not know,” Arkady said once he was settled. “Hello lovely lady. I am Arkady Kolcheck, best friend of G Callen—“

“No.” Callen shook his head.

“—And good friend to rest of NCIS team,” Arkady said. “And you are?”

“I’m Katherine,” she said. “A friend of Sam’s.”

Arkady’s eyes immediately began to sparkle. “Oh, a special lady friend. If you have any questions about my good friend Sam Hanna, I am happy to answer them. We have known each other many, many years now.”

“I don’t want to sit across from him all night,” Sam said immediately.

“Well I’m not sitting across from him,” Callen said.

“That’s enough from the two of you,” Hetty said from the head of the table. “We are all here to have a good time together. Mr. Deeks I think a toast is in order.”

The senior agents settled back into their seats with a grumble. Deeks saw Eric and Nell exchange amused looks before both taking large sips from their glasses. “Ah, well thank you Hetty,” Deeks said. “And thank you everyone for coming. It’s uh, it’s truly a gift to have you all here.”

He glanced down at Kensi. She took his hand and squeezed it, all pie comments forgiven. He looked around the table, taking in every face he saw. The faces of his friends. The faces of his family, such as they were. Ten years ago he never would have imagined something like this. And today, he had it all. “I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to share a table and a life with. I know I don’t just speak for myself when I say, everyone in this room has earned their spot here, one way or another. And I’m grateful for every, single one of you.” He cleared his throat. “So let’s eat.”

It turned out having two extra people around didn’t damage the mood of the evening after all. The drinks flowed freely and so did the conversation. Katherine was actually a lot of fun and Eric and Nell were completely on board with Arkady dragging out the karaoke machine and breaking into “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” halfway through dinner.

“Okay, here you go,” Kensi said, serving up pie as the evening grew late.

“This looks great Kensi,” Callen said.

“I can smell all the cinnamon and spices,” Eric said, taking a bite.

His face changed immediately and he began to chew very slowly. Callen also took a forkful, his eyes widening in obvious discomfort.

Kensi was oblivious to the sudden mood change around the table as one after another, everyone took a bite of pie. That was, until Arkady tucked into his piece. He choked and spat it into a napkin.

Kensi’s jaw dropped. “Seriously Arkady?”

“I’m sorry Kensi, but that is horseshit,” Arkady told her bluntly.

“Well it might not be top of the line but it can’t be that bad.” She plopped herself down next to Deeks and took a big forkful. Her eyebrows shot up and she looked at her husband. “I must have mixed up the salt and the sugar,” she said guiltily.

He shook his head. Only Kensi. “Sorry?” she said, not looking particularly apologetic at all.

He kissed the top of her head. “It’s all right.”

“No it’s not. I want dessert,” Callen said.

“There’s ice cream in the freezer. Help yourself,” Deeks said.

“I’ll get it!” Eric shot out of his chair. “I spent many days in my youth working at a Coldstone Creamery.”

“I don’t know what the hell any of that means, but I’ll have vanilla,” Sam said.

“Vanilla?” Katherine asked skeptically. “You’re asking for the most boring flavor?”

“I will take a hot cup of tea instead Mr. Beale,” Hetty requested.

“I’ll help.” Nell got up and started clearing plates as Roberta did the same.

Deeks settled back into his chair, Kensi rested her head on his shoulder and he put an arm around her. It might not have been a perfect Teamsgiving, but it turned out it was exactly the one he’d always wanted.

#NCIS LA #NCIS Los Angeles #Marty Deeks #Kensi Blye #Roberta Deeks #G Callen #Sam Hanna #Nell Jones #Eric Beale #Arkady Kolcheck #Thanksgiving #Teamsgiving 2019 #The Squid and the Dagger #Bar stories #The bar #Hetty Lange

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singing-robot · 6 years ago

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i was thinking about papyrus today (as one does) and remembered that one scene in the beginning of snowdin where sans asks you to play along papyrus’ puzzles because “he’s been kind of down lately”. and i thought what if deltarune papyrus is inside his house because he’s like at the same point of the timeline and he’s not feeling great? but seeing a human in this universe won’t cheer him up as much

Boy howdy do I love writing essays about discussing Papyrus, which is made possible by viewers like you. Thank you!

Long post ahead, if you don’t want to read all of it, then feel free to look at this diagram, instead!

I am very excited to meet Papyrus all over again, and wrote a lot about the differences in their worlds to compare them and say that, basically, I agree with you.

In UNDERTALE, Papyrus spends a lot of time in his house, as he states himself when leading you there on the Papyrus date. But there’s also evidence of him having quite a few projects outside. He has several traps set up in the woods, and at least one snow sculpture, and realistically painted a rock to look like a wooden bridge. And that’s only in the areas we can see!!

In the long run, though, most of those are meaningless (or fun!) tasks he assigned to himself. The majority of traps for humans could easily be walked around or through. He might even have known that. His super-mega-huge trap of death on the bridge? A human hasn’t fallen in decades, he has no reason to take such extreme (and… kind of impractical?) precautions. (Or does he..? Another theory for another day.) I think those traps are more like excuses to not get bored in the dull little town of Snowdin; and if a human gets stuck in one, awesome!!! It’ll only help him.

Before we fell down, though, I think Papyrus not only became focused on his lack of friends, but also ran out of stuff to do. His computer was left open on a social media site, which he presumably was scrolling through before he came out to meet Sans in the beginning. Spending a lot of time online, especially on a single social media site, can make you feel pretty bad, especially if that becomes your main “activity” of the day (many of us have done this or may be doing it now). If he’s done everything he can think of, perfected all of his plans, and then got into a routine of making sure they stay that way, every day, with few new things… it’s not super great for your person. At least he can hang out with the few friends that he does have, right? Those guys are fun.

I do think Papyrus in deltarune isn’t feeling great, but more so because he starts off with nothing to do. Human-catching traps aren’t necessary. The town is already colorful and beautiful. There’s not a ridiculously long stone slab to realistically paint as wood. The opportunity to drive a car and feel the wind and sun is already available to him. He’s new to town, so he doesn’t have any friends, and didn’t go to a costume party. Undyne doesn’t know the science teacher, much less the new residents. Flowey doesn’t exist. Doggo is nowhere in sight (… actually, none of the dogs are?). The annoying dog is presumably creating a video game in the library’s computer room, undisturbed.

Everyone in Hometown is happy, friends with each other, knows the Dreemurrs, and is so snug and suffocatingly waving-in-the-yard friendly that the concept of trying to make my own place in the community when I can’t even say I work in my family’s new grocery store is terrifying. There’s no way I could fit in, and if I stay inside and avoid everyone for too long, then it’s a never-ending cycle of being too late to join them. Heck, even Catti, the super edgy rebellion teen, has friends and works in the diner.

I mean, going off of my home, Hometown as a whole probably shuts down at 10 PM; unless it’s a midsummer Friday night, then it shuts down at 11:30. It’s not like there’s a variety of activities to do there. We might think the place is quirky and cute and fun to live in because the cop yells at pedestrians and blocks traffic (how funny!), or because a mascot has war chants (he seems fun!), or even because there’s a park where a nameless squid… person… thing… lives (it’s our friend Onion-San!!!). But imagine being there every day, with little variety outside of Mr. Holiday getting sick, Bratty saying Catti got fur in her coffee, or the star kid athlete moving to college.

To me, there is very little appeal to the prospect of living in Hometown (if it were real, that is—but you guys know what I mean). And I… don’t really want do anything? Like, at all? (Collateral damage from growing up here, I’m sure, but still.) But I think I went off on a tangent. My end point is, if Papyrus got bored in Snowdin, despite his friends and increasingly meaningless and time-consuming tasks he could come up with, in a fantasy world where monsters didn’t have a choice in making the best of it, imagine how boring it’d be to live in Hometown, where their imaginations have the same limits and restrictions as our real-life society does. I can’t go out in the woods and construct deadly traps that everyone knows to avoid because I can and will be fined with endangerment, intent to harm, trespassing, etc.

This could also go into a whole other thing about why deltarune is so different and why Kris is the only human (and monster prejudices seem to exist against humans?), but I’m not sure seeing Kris would cheer him up, either. Oh, are we going to hang out with him to be his friend?! That would be really cool, if it weren’t for the fact that Sans all but forces us to go. At least in UNDERTALE, the arrival of a human has the potential to rocket him through the ranks. In Deltarune, the human is already there and doesn’t mean a thing.

So. Yeah. I’m sure Papyrus is pretty miserable in deltarune, and he doesn’t have many ways to fix that problem. This also gives me a neat drawing idea, don’t let me forget.

Also!!! If you’re interested in seeing more deltarune-specific content, I have another side-blog at @singing-ralsei

#did you intend to cause this whole essay you tricky anon #thanks for giving me another opportunity to go off again ehehe #undertale #deltarune #papyrus #singing robopinions #also - disclaimer again - these opinions are impermanent and fun rambles #and ms Macaulay if you are reading this then I hope you’re happy knowing that I’m stuck writing essays for all eternity because of you #you’d give me a C for this I’m sure #bc of a lack of additional provided context and bc I didn’t proofread it #robot answers

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alexandralyman · 6 years ago

Text

bedtime stories (beyond the horizon)

I missed my original posting date but it’s still October and this is my contribution for @cscocktoberfest! Another extra scene in the BtH-verse, where Princess Emma finds a very interesting (cough*dirty*cough) book on the shelf in the captain’s quarters and has some questions about some unfamiliar words that Killian is all too happy to answer ; )

Also on ff.net here

"Killian?"

"Aye, love?" he answered without looking up, grease pencil in hand as he marked a port on the map in front of him and measured the distance from their current position, doing sums in his head and somewhat distracted by a particularly tricky bit of calculation.

"What does it mean when a randy young lad is secretly polishing his knob?"

"It means...what?"

The figures he'd painstakingly laboured over for the better part of an hour all flew out of his mind and her words lodged there instead while his head jerked up and he met Emma's curious gaze across the cabin. She was sitting in her chair with a book in hand, skirts spilling over the sides and her ankles crossed, tucked away demurely underneath the seat and looking the very picture of a well-bred lady.

"After spying on the chambermaid in her bath, the randy young lad retires to his master's empty study to polish his knob with renewed vigour. I'm guessing from the context that the author did not mean the knob on the door? And when he finishes, he gives a loud groan that almost rouses the whole household and hides the evidence in a handkerchief. The evidence of what?"

Killian blinked at that, the pencil going as limp in his hand as presumably the randy young lad's knob did when he was done, slack-jawed and feeling that he probably bore more than a passing resemblance to a startled codfish at the moment. When he finally managed to find his voice it came out much higher than normal as he squeaked out, "What on earth are you reading?"

Emma held up the volume, it was slim, cloth-bound, a bit worn around the edges and entirely unassuming in appearance with no title visible on the cover or spine. She frequently read in the evenings while he updated the logbook or plotted out the ship's course for the following day, plucking one of his books from the shelves to occupy herself with as he worked. They were a jumbled lot collected piecemeal over the years, sailing lore, dry texts on navel regulations that he no longer followed but kept around for reasons he didn't think about too closely, old legends, tales, histories of lands he'd visited (and plundered, usually) and novels. He supposed Emma had chosen a novel, since he certainly didn't remember Uniform Code of the Royal Navy, Fifth Edition or Krakens, Great Squids and Whales: Hunting and Butchering Techniques to include any randy young lads polishing their knobs among the instructions for tying a cravat in the correct knot for an officer or detailing the best method for harvesting whale blubber.

"So what does it mean?" she repeated.

"It means…" Killian realized he had started to make the corresponding motion with his hand and he felt his cheeks colour, suddenly feeling more like a young lad himself than a man of almost thirty who was well-versed in the many pleasures of the flesh, both with a companion and without. Princess Emma was looking at him expectantly, obviously waiting for his answer. Sweet, gently-reared Princess Emma, unfamiliar with the more bawdy terms tossed about with ease in disreputable company like pirates and their usual bedmates of tavern wenches and ladies of the night. He tried to phrase it in as delicate a manner as he could, he was a pirate now but he had been a gentleman once.

"It's when a lad, or a man, um, er...gratifies himself by hand, to satisfy his lust when he doesn't have the company of a lass."

She glanced back down at the book and went, "Ah. I see." in a tone he couldn't decipher. Then she flipped the page and squinted, running a finger over something on the paper.

"There's illustrations."

Killian was up and across the room in a heartbeat, snatching the book from her hands and feeling his eyebrows rise nearly to his hair when he took his own look. There was an illustration of the scene in question that left no ambiguity as to just what type of knob the young man was polishing, although the anatomy was greatly exaggerated. It was nearly as long as the lad's thigh, for one. He recalled the first time he'd seen such a drawing, on a crude pamphlet passed around below deck and sniggered over by leering crewmen when he was just a lad who had barely sprouted whiskers and how scandalized he'd been at the sight of it when it was thrust into his hands with a knowing look by a soot-stained gunner. Scandalized...and titillated, by the smudged image of a woman with her skirts hiked to her waist and her blouse undone.

Emma was gazing up at him, her hands folded loosely in her lap and her cheeks tinged pink even in the yellow glow from the lantern. Killian glanced from the illustration in the innocuous-looking book to her face, meeting his eyes square on with one delicate blonde brow faintly arched. Perhaps princesses and pirates were not so different in some respects and she was also feeling that warmth pooling low in her belly, desire sparked by the unfamiliar words and deeds depicted in pen and ink. Somewhat unfamiliar at least, she was now rather well acquainted with his own "knob" and the thought of just how well acquainted she was with it sent a sharp throb right through his groin.

"He recalled the maid's Bountiful breasts, brown and Bonny and the very Sight of them floating atop the bathwater had nearly caused his Lust to spill right in his breeches as he crouched unseen in his Hidey-Hole behind the wall. Oh, to cup the Bouncing pair of them free of her Shift and Stays, heavy, round and full as a Wineskin, and to then Suckle upon such tender, Womanly flesh would be a Dream."

The rosy flush on her cheeks only grew deeper while he read aloud, her own breasts rising and falling against the lace-trimmed neckline of her gown in a manner that kindled Killian's lust to a burning flame. Firm, yet soft, like a ripe peach, an unimaginable luxury at sea, he could easily unlace her gown and take one in his mouth, or order the copper tub to be filled and watch at his leisure while she bathed, openly though, not hidden away in a cupboard, he was the captain, master of the ship and not a voyeuristic boot black like the lad in the story, polishing himself instead of his lordship's boots. Both were appealing prospects, but he had another idea.

"Shall we read the rest of this rather provocative tale together, Princess? So I might….clarify any other sections that you require?"

He held out his free hand and after a moment's hesitation Emma nodded and accepted it, letting him pull her to her feet. Killian brushed a kiss across the back of her knuckles and gave her a cheeky wink, gentleman and scoundrel in one (and hers, his love was the prize she had taken for her own even as he'd stolen her away) and led her to his chair instead. It was wide enough for him to sit back comfortably and settle Emma on his lap, round arse nestled between his leather-clad thighs and his arm snaking around her waist to pull her back to his chest while he rested his chin on her shoulder and opened the novel back to the page he'd been reading from.

"Now," he said, clearing his throat and forgetting about his maps and charts entirely. "Where were we?"

It wasn't just the one story, the book contained several short tales all of a similar nature. After the lusty young lad spied on the entire household in various states of en déshabillé, (the cook, the laundress, the butler, the cook and the butler, and finally, his master and mistress in their splendid bedchamber) the setting changed to a bucolic farm in the countryside where the farmer's daughter held secret assignations in the hayloft with the village farrier (who wielded his own fleshy tool as deftly as his hammer and heartily plowed the daughter's ripe and eager field, seeding it deep) and then to a story of a dashing masked highwayman who waylaid a highborn lady on a deserted road and found himself drawn to much more than just her fine jewels (imagining a different sort of pearl necklace around her creamy throat) while they traded remarks laden with innuendo and circled around their growing attraction. Killian continued to read aloud, pausing as he went to explain the various euphemisms. Like knob and tool, a lot of them were other words to describe a man's cock, and his strained even more against the confines of his leathers every time Emma shifted in his lap, turning her head so that his beard brushed the curve of her jaw while he spoke low into her ear and murmured words not fit for a lady (quim, tits, swive, member) rolling his tongue around them the way he wanted to roll his tongue around her hidden pearl and feel her writhe from the pleasure he could draw with his own intimate tales writ upon her skin. In the book, the handsome highwayman bowed to his intrigued captive and proclaimed himself to be, "A Linguist most Cunning, should your Ladyship wish for a demonstration of my Prowess, you have only to ask."

"Ah," Killian said, tapping a ringed finger against the page. "Now what you see here is an old play on words, for cunnalingus is term for when a man kisses a woman not on the mouth, but somewhat, ahem, lower down. So when he calls himself a cunning linguist and offers to demonstrate, he is, in fact proposing that he-"

"Kisses her...quim?" Emma finished.

The book fell shut as a shudder ripped through him and he answered in a rough voice, "Aye."

"And is there a word like that for when a woman...kisses...a man on his...cock?"

Killian could think of many words to describe the act she meant, the act he was now picturing much more vividly in his head than any woodcut, but he chose the one that matched as neat as the sun and the moon.

"Fellatio."

Emma made a 'hmm" noise low in her throat that only served to remind him even more of how it felt to be fellated by her, golden hair tangled in his fingers and all eloquence lost to the sheer bliss of her mouth, sliding over his cock and taking him past those pink lips, matching his thrusts with the bob of her head until the sensations completely overwhelmed him, warm and wet and perfect.

"The royal tutors never taught me those words," Emma mused. "This has been very educational indeed, Captain. Shall we continue?"

He left the book on the table when he lifted her up, carrying her the few steps to the bunk with her arms around his neck and her fingers toying with the hair at his nape.

"I think we'll continue with a more practical exercise now, Princess. If you're amenable, that is. After all, there's only so much one can glean from a book. Direct, hands-on experience is always best."

His sure hands made short work of her gown, leaving her in nothing but stockings and shift while she worked the little jet buttons on his waistcoat. It came off and she rested her fingers on his belt, just above the obvious bulge in his trousers. Emma glanced at it and then up at him, curiosity creasing her lovely face. "Do you ever do that? Er, polish your knob, I mean. Like the boy in the book?"

The question made him pause for a moment. He had, in fact, touched himself several times to thoughts of her after taking her hostage from her own ship, though he'd never stooped so low as to spy on her unaware in the brig or during the times when she bathed in his quarters, before he'd bedded her and pledged his ship and his sword into her service. He was still that much of a gentleman, at least. But the query reminded him suddenly of his own youth, when he would have traded what little he had for even a glimpse of a comely lass in nought but her skin and stole away from his duties to darkened corners whenever he could to stick his hand down his trousers and relieve that ache of unsatisfied lust.

"Aye," he said with a nod. "As a young lad, when I had some spare time and could find a bit of privacy, I would. Not the easiest thing to obtain aboard even a galleon, alas. And hardly satisfying, to have to tuck myself away again and quickly return to swabbing the deck or pumping the bilges before I was missed."

He peeled the shirt from his shoulders and let the belt drop to the floor in a heavy thump of leather, not missing the way Emma was eyeing his bare chest and feeling a surge of masculine pride at the way her gaze darkened with desire. He was no lowly cabin boy or underfed deckhand anymore, he had pillaged and plundered his way across the realm and his name was spoken with fear and awe in the dockside taverns and pubs, Captain Killian Jones, master of the Jolly Roger, the finest vessel to sail the seven seas. He didn't have to make do with a bawdy drawing or chase after a serving wench, an actual princess lounged on his bed in an utterly scandalous state of undress and she was more beautiful to him than any jewel, more valuable than any prize. Emma reached for his necklace and pulled him to her by the chain, falling back against the pillows as he braced himself above her on one arm. Her other hand slipped under the waist of his leathers to graze across the wiry hairs until she found her prize, where he was hard and aching and pride quickly gave way to need while his hips jerked and he twitched in her grasp, hot and firm and eager.

"Like this?" Emma asked, tongue poking out from between her teeth as she stroked him up and down. In one pump he swelled that last little bit, fully erect and the fearsome pirate was completely at the princess's tender mercy. Killian rutted shamelessly into her hand, closing the gap between them to cover her lips with his. The book had mainly described the baser acts and there was no ode to the pleasures of kissing on the mouth as there was to the many joys of fellatio and cunnalingus both. But it was somehow more intimate to share breath itself with his lover, to sweetly nip at her bottom lip until it was as red as a ripe cherry and to taste the wine she'd drunk at dinner still lingering on her tongue while he palmed her full breast through the thin silk and rocked his hips steadily into her touch. A quick study his princess was, she'd learned exactly how he liked the be stroked and polished and he was forced to still her movements with a hand on her wrist before he utterly embarrassed himself and spilled too soon.

"Have you ever gratified yourself, my darling?"

While he was more than ready to gratify the both of them with his cock aching to find the welcoming harbour between her thighs, Killian was curious. He'd lived almost his whole life among randy sailors, he knew men did, and do so as often as they could in most cases. But a highborn lady like his princess? He would had assumed no, it was completely absurd, but that was before he met Emma.

She didn't answer immediately, not with words at least, looking down with her lashes demurely touching her cheeks and finally giving a shy little nod that made his belly flip and his voice drop to a throaty growl.

"Show me."

Her stockings were tied with ribbon garters just above her knees, revealed as the shift was slowly hitched up. The little bows did something to him, he wanted to untie them with his teeth and suck a mark into her flesh, leave love bites all over her inner thighs and make her fall apart with his tongue, but he was completely transfixed by the sight of her slim hand, inching higher and higher up her leg. The pink of her cheeks was nothing compared to the dark rose of her cunny, exposed to his avid gaze when she spread her legs fully and already glistening in the lamplight. Her fingers twitched, hesitated, but at his encouraging nod they finally slid through the damp cleft with a touch that was soft and delicate, barely making contact for several torturous, slow passes until Emma finally reached the nub at the top and began to rub and circle it with firmer strokes. Killian felt an answering throb in his groin, a faint echo of the growing pleasure he could see in the catch of her lip between her teeth and the rock of her hips up into her exploring hand.

"Does it feel good, Princess?"

"Yes."

She looked at him with a heavy-lidded gaze while her hand continued to work between her thighs and he couldn't stop himself from wrapping his fingers around his shaft, pumping it in time to the movement and swiping his thumb over the swollen head whenever she touched her own sweet spot and a shudder rippled under her skin.

"Does it feel as good as when I touch you?" he asked, voice hoarse with desire.

Emma shook her head, golden hair spilling over the pillow. "No...it feels, it feels good, but when you touch me, when you're...inside me...it...it feels, it feels like nothing else ever has. I never want you to stop."

"Never," Killian promised, a dark chuckle escaping him. "You're my treasure now, my love, and I'll never stop. I could have you every night and never tire of your velvet quim, so snug and perfect around my cock when you wrap your legs around me and take me all the way to the hilt. I dreamt of it from the day you set foot on my ship, taking you to bed and touching you all over, these perfect breasts, your shapely arse, kissing your mouth and all along your white throat, down to part your thighs and sup to my heart's content on your sweetness."

He moved to kneel on the bed, between her spread legs and ducked down to kiss her, one hand braced to hold his weight and the other snaking down to grasp her wrist. "Don't stop," he warned, while she panted with her impending release and moaned quietly into his mouth. Killian placed his hand on top of her own and together they continued to stroke her towards the peak, when he sensed she was just about to fall over the edge as her free hand grasped his shoulder and her nails dug into his skin he abruptly thrust two fingers inside, curling them upwards and feeling her squeeze around them with a soft cry falling from her kiss-swollen lips. No buxom bathing beauty, nubile farmer's daughter or haughty duchess could compare to his swan princess, bright-eyed and pliant in his arms. They kissed with unhurried languor, his erection had not abated but the night was still young, there was no need for haste. It was worth it to delay his satisfaction to watch hers, as the lad in the book had watched the maid in her bath. Emma's nails trailed pleasantly through his chest hair and toyed with the charms on his necklace, thumbing over the skull and dagger.

"Does it feel as good as when I touch you?"

Her hand drifted down and brushed his flat stomach, the muscles quivering under the contact.

"Definitely not," Killian breathed, head tipping back a bit and his eyes closing. She drew nonsense patterns with her nails, moving lower down, a gentle caress that was so unlike whenever he felt the need to gratify himself and took his cock in hand. Her hand was much smaller, lacked the calluses formed from years of raising sails and playing out rope, and yet it had had him completely at her mercy from the moment he had first lifted it to his lips and brushed a kiss across the back of her knuckles.

"I wouldn't describe it as a knob, though," she said, sounding somewhat displeased by the term.

A ripple of mirth ran through him at that. "No?"

"Knob implies something rather squat, like a doorknob. Perhaps some men are shaped in such a manner, but you are most certainly not."

Killian had lived almost his whole life in the close quarters of ships populated almost entirely by men. Privacy was a luxury he'd not known until he became an officer, he'd seen plenty of sailors stripped down to the skin and more male appendages than he could count. Princess Emma had no such basis for comparison, and wouldn't, if he had any say in the matter.

"Is there another word you would prefer then?" he asked, propping a hand under his head and angling his hips back so that his groin was on full display for her. "Since 'knob' obviously displeases you, and we can't have that. Member? Tool?"

She shook her head with each one, thoughtfully eyeing the part of his anatomy in question. Never had a woman taken such time to peruse him so closely before the bedding, measuring him with thumb and index finger, examining his length and girth.

"Larger than I expected," she murmured, which made him smile (and feel more than a little satisfied to have exceeded her expectations thus). "I didn't see at first how it could possibly fit...and so warm to the touch. Not cold and blunt as a tool."

So he wasn't the village farrier come to plow the farmer's daughter. Just as well, straw itched something fierce. Emma traced along the shape of him with the pads of her fingers, still engrossed in her task. Killian didn't care how she decided to refer to his cock, she could call it his pecker, his phallus, his mast, anything she wanted so long as she kept doing that.

"But a fair amount of heft, when I handle it like this."

The "handling" made his eyes roll back and he thrust helplessly into her grip. "You can handle it whenever you please," he moaned, rolling them in the bunk so that he was on top. "Whatever you wish to call it, Princess."

Killian spread her thighs open with his knee and rested between them, feeling her hand guide him across that last bit of distance. He slid in with almost no resistance, just the voluptuous sensation of being wrapped in silken heat, a balls deep dive into waters uncharted to all but him. There was no word for this moment, no way to describe the feeling that seized him from head to toe as he started to move. All eloquence fled, there was only the slide of his body inside hers, the slick push and pull of the quickfire rhythm that matched the beat of his heart under where her palms lay braced on his bare chest, not to push him away, never that, but to welcome him home and home again. Whoever he was, Killian Jones, sailor, pirate, captain, he was hers, nameless in her arms, her lover, joined as they were in the most intimate of ways. The light from the lantern was am amber spill over their entwined limbs, turning her skin to honey that he tasted with his tongue, chasing her pulse as it fluttered in the hollow of her throat, rolling a pert nipple between his fingers when she arched up against him. The lines and edges were blurred in a haze of passion that left him unable to tell where he ended and she began. His downward strokes were matched by the upward tilt of her hips, a delicious drag of his rigid flesh along her inner walls that started to increase in pace as he felt the familiar tingle of impending release. Killian kissed a line down her throat and buried his face in her neck while Emma clutched at his arse, pulling him even closer with her thighs tightening around his hips. All the ways there was to describe the act that he'd ever heard from sniggering sailors, crude boasts of bedding, swiving, rogering, coupling, and the only one that came to mind now as he spilled with a groan and groped for her hand, lacing their fingers tight against the mattress, was lovemaking.

"Do you think they had a happy ending?"

The question pulled him from the lazy afterglow where they lay on the rumpled and well-used bed with Emma's head pillowed on his shoulder, still fully nude save for the single stocking that had somehow managed to cling to her leg throughout their exertions. The other was draped half on and half off the bunk while her shift lay in a tangled heap on the floor with his discarded trousers and he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Who, love?"

"The highwayman and the lady in the book. It was my favourite of all the tales and we didn't finish it. Do you think they had a happy ending?"

Killian stared up at the ceiling and felt his chest rise with a breath as he considered how to answer. He was certain that there had been a happy ending in the story of the dashing highwayman and the spirited noblewoman he waylaid on a deserted road, but not the kind that Emma probably meant….

"Do you think they did?" he asked carefully, tilting his head to look at her. He realized suddenly that perhaps there was some...similarities, in their situations, having waylaid his own noblewoman on the high seas and stolen her jewels, even though he had given them back (eventually). But the book Emma had found on his shelf was meant for titillation, fodder for a wank, a bawdy laugh and nothing more, and he very much doubted that there was any real happily ever after to be found in its salacious tales.

Her bare shoulder lifted in a shrug. "I don't know. We could read it tomorrow, and see for certain."

He could hear the note of hesitation in her voice and he tightened the arm he had wrapped around her while her hand spread flat on his chest, over his heart, the sea diamond resting on her finger. Gave her back her jewels and then some.

"They did," he said firmly, running his fingers over hers. "They ran off together and had all sorts of grand adventures, and they had a very happy ending."

Emma let out a pleased murmur, nose pressed to his neck. "Even though he threatened to pierce her with his dirk?" she mumbled.

"Darling, sure you know that was simply another witticism and that he wasn't actually referring to a knife."

Her hand drifted lower, resting just above where he was spent and soft against his belly. "Another word for this, then? Is that what I should call it? Your dirk? Or perhaps something a bit more...lengthy."

Killian felt his cock begin to stir as her voice turned sultry, the siren song of such words on her lips luring him in again.

"A dagger?" he offered.

"Mmm, too pointy. Not a rapier style of blade, more like a….cutlass, or your sabre. It's even curved just a tiny bit too."

Her lips curved in a smile that made his heart skip a beat even as he thought ruefully that their next sparring session was sure to result in some dreadfully tight leathers.

"More than the barest prick, I imagine."

The noblewoman of the tale had retorted to the highwayman's "threat" with a disdainful comment that she was sure to feel only the barest prick from his dirk. Killian laughed, taking Emma's hand and guiding it back down, down, down...

"Oh I think you're well aware, Princess, that when I jab you with my sword, you'll feel it."

#cs fic #cs ff #my fic #cscocktoberfest #cs smut

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travelererrant · 7 years ago

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Let’s Talk About Splatoon 2 for the Nintendo Switch

Nintendo has long been a game company that relies heavily on their original IPs as opposed to third party games for their consoles. Usually when someone remembers a classic game on a Nintendo console, it’s usually one of the exclusives Nintendo has. Zelda, Mario, Kirby, all of those are iconic brands with several games that are considered to be iconic for how fun, memorable, and charming they were. A couple of years ago, Nintendo finally took another risk with an entirely new IP about a bunch of squids. This wouldn’t seem too strange, except it was meant to be played as an online multiplayer shooter. Nintendo. Doing an online game. With elements of third-person shooting games.

What sort of timeline are we living in? Well, joke’s on us, because even though it came out on one of their less popular consoles, the Wii U, the first Splatoon game was a hit with critics and players alike, with everyone praising it for its charming looks, fun gameplay, and memorable style. I myself never really got the chance to play it, so when Splatoon 2 was announced for the Nintendo Switch, you know I had to get my hands on it. I got to participate in the pre-release Splatfest, a recurring battle that splits players into two factions based on a “Which is better?” question, and it just got me more excited to play the full release version of Splatoon 2.

And by God, it was certainly worth the wait.

Splatoon 2 is one of the must-have titles available on the Nintendo Switch. I genuinely think it should be in every Switch owner’s library. Even if you’re not typically a fan of third person shooters, I implore you to give this game a try. It has a very enjoyable single-player mode that will help you learn some tricks to use in the multiplayer mode, and the multiplayer games themselves are incredibly fun and addictive, though they do make some questionable choices that I’ll address later.

Let me start this off by saying that this game looks amazing. It’s extremely bright, vibrant, and colorful in all the right places, with little details thrown in to make the world of Splatoon 2 stand out even more. Your central hub is a city square known as “Inkopolis Square”, and you use that to get around the various shops and access the different game modes available. There’s even a little DDR-styled minigame you can access that not only lets you listen to the fantastically fun and bouncy soundtrack, but also break your thumbs in frustration because you can’t keep up with the stupid beat of the songs. Aside from that, you can jump between the shops by accessing the menu if you don’t want to bother walking around or get lost easily. It’s a nice little feature that I enjoyed, as I constantly forgot where the shirt shop was.

I do have to say I was a little bothered by how I couldn’t switch off the motion controls for the tutorial section that the game makes you start out with, but once you reach the main square you’re allowed to fiddle with it to your heart’s content. I’m very glad they’re not mandatory. The options also allow you to lock the ink colors if you’re partially color-blind, which I’m actually very happy they included. It’s little touches like this that make up the reasons I ended up loving this game.

In the singleplayer mode, you play as a nameless Inkling (the name of the squidkid race present in Splatoon) who is tasked with rescuing the Great Zapfish from the evil Octarian menace. It’s once again not meant to convey a great story, it’s just a setup meant to get you to play through twenty-eight levels where you splat, jump, and squid your way through to save smaller zapfishes. I say “squid your way”, because one of the main mechanics of the game is your ability to freely switch between Kid and Squid forms. Kid form lets you use weapons, jump around, move, etc. Squid form lets you swim around in the ink you threw around, climb up walls, and just generally helps you maneuver yourself into better positions to take out whoever is trying to take you out. You move faster on your own ink, but slow down and take damage over time if you’re on the enemy’s ink. You can cover their ink with your weapon, and they can cover yours, so it’s beneficial to be aware of your surroundings and pay attention to which color is surrounding you at that time.

The campaign isn’t very difficult, though there are some platforming moments that I remember getting frustrated with, mostly because I wanted to get all of the collectibles and was very impatient at the time. One thing I will admit I feel torn about is the way they implemented the different weapon types into the campaign. On the one hand, you actually got to use the several different weapons that Splatoon has to offer. From a “charger” weapon that acts like a sniper rifle, to a giant paint-roller that excels in everything related to close combat, the variety in the weapons is very impressive. Compared to the way they just forced you to only use one weapon throughout the entirety of the campaign in the first game, this was such an improvement. However, every level forces you to use that one weapon, no matter how much you hate it.

For example, in a previous level you could have breezed through it using the Dual Splatties, a sort of dual pistol rapid-fire short range weapon that I really enjoyed using, but then the next level would force you to use the frustratingly slow Charger weapon that I just can’t bring myself to enjoy. I’m not really much of a sniper person to begin with anyways, so it just felt annoying to have to adjust to a weapon I wouldn’t really pick in the multiplayer mode anyways. And that’s what the single player really is all about: preparing you to dive into the real meat of the game, which is the beautifully done multiplayer mode.

In the multiplayer section, you have four different types of games you can play. There’s the casual Turf War, where the goal of the game is to ink more of the current map with your colored ink than the other team. The team with the most ground covered at the end wins. Pretty simple, and it’s just a fun, casual way to enjoy the game and rank up. Once you hit level 10, you can start doing competitive battles where the rules change on a set schedule. One day it could be a capture the flag sort of game, the next it could be a “push the payload” situation. These battles are ranked, starting you at the C- rank and giving you the chance to climb all the way up to S+ I believe. I haven’t spent much time with this yet, but from what I’ve experienced it is fun to blast your way through in a more strategic manner. There’s a “League Battle” mode that you can play when you reach Level 25, but I haven’t gotten there just yet. If there’s one thing I have to complain about with these modes is that I don’t really feel like the matchmaking system is very fair, at least for the casual mode. I was Level 6 or 7 at the time, but I was being put against teams that had their lowest member at Level 17. It felt like it was a crapshoot on whether or not the match would be fair or completely one-sided.

Finally, there’s the enigmatic, frustrating, extremely fun game mode known as “Salmon Run”. This game mode takes you and three other players and pits you in a cooperative horde mode against creatures known as Salmonids. Your job is to collect a certain amount of Golden Power Eggs from the tougher Boss Salmonids while using pre-chosen weapons provided at random. At the start of each wave, you’re assigned one of four random weapons, and you have to work together to survive the salmonids and collect the eggs. If your entire team is killed or you fail to collect enough eggs, the game is over, and you lose a bit of your Salmon Run ranking. Yes, there’s a ranking for Salmon Run, but it really only applies to how much experience you get for the in-game rewards.

I call it “frustrating” because even though I adore this game mode and how it encourages teamwork, it does have a few issues. It feels like the difficulty can be extremely random at times, with some Boss Salmonids being much tougher to beat than others, and the way the maps can actually change during the match. For example, some maps have a low tide and high tide, giving you either more map room to work with, or so little that it feels like it’s way too easy to get cornered and separated from your team. It’d make more sense if this happened later in the match, but it can happen at seemingly any moment. Or maybe that was just my luck kicking in.

And then there’s the weirdest thing about Salmon Run: It’s not always available to play. For some reason or another, this game is on a schedule, being available some days and shut down on others. I can’t figure out why this choice was made, and it still baffles me as I write this review out.

To give yourself an edge in the multiplayer modes (aside from Salmon Run), you can actually buy clothes and accessories that come with passive bonuses, such as giving you damage resistance, faster moving or better swim speed. These little bonuses can make all the difference, and if you really like the way a particular piece of clothing looks but not the bonuses, you can add or reroll certain bonuses on the item until you’re happy with both how you look and how it helps you play. It’s a neat little system that allows you to make your own unique Inkling.

If there’s one thing to take away from this very long-winded review, it’s that Splatoon 2 is an essential title for anyone’s Nintendo Switch library. It’s one of the reasons to own a Switch, and with more free DLC content on the way, I don’t have an inkling of an idea as to why you shouldn’t own one of Nintendo’s best new games. I’d say it’s a splatting success.

#Splatoon 2 #Splatoon #Nintendo #Game Review #Inkling #Nintendo Switch

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therealchoreanese · 8 years ago

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Spring Cleaning

Guys why doesn’t anyone ever talk about the domesticity of the Cave??? Like by S2 there are a bunch of people who probably sleep over lot and have their own rooms just in case, and Mal, M’gann, Gar, and Conner live there, so there’s probably an endless cycle of chores that need to be completed and ahhhhhh here are some hcs i came up w/ for living in the cave

~~~

-M’gann for sure does most of the cooking and baking and has everyone’s favorite meals memorized. She’s the only one who can get all orders exactly right and the kitchen is mostly thought of as M’gann’s, so if anyone fucks something up then they’re pretty much dead

-that doesn’t mean the rest of the team doesn’t cook, though. Gar is second best bc hey, M’gann is his sister and he picks up a lot of skills from her. Wally is pretty decent bc he wanted to learn how to cook his favorite foods (aka EVERYTHING).

-everyone else can only accomplish the Basic Stuff, like pancakes or mac n’ cheese in a box and a ham sandwich. Laga’an and Cassie are the absolute worst bc Cassie gets overexcited and when she enters the kitchen it’s usually a chorus of BANG WHOOOOSH WHOMP “OHMYZEUS SOMEONE GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!!”, and Laga’an, despite being a Smug Little Bitch, doesn’t know how to work ovens and pans and is way too proud to ask for help

-Spring Cleaning sounds like a total Pain in the Ass bc of all the bedrooms, the hallways, the Grotto, the library (who even uses that???), the kitchen, showers (eeewww), pretty much EVERYWHERE including secret passageways and the vents since the team insists on crawling through them for “training”

-but it’s like the perfect team bonding time bc usually when they clean out the whole mountain they find really weird shit and get to know more about each other

-like the time Jaime found bones (no worries it’s just fried chicken) between the sofa cushions and he just looked at Gar who told him, “If I can’t have a pet then I’m going to BE a pet, okay? i had a dog phase and I’m working through birds next”

-Jaime has a sneaking suspicion that the next spring cleaning he’ll find sunflower seeds and feathers

-usually dick, babs, wally or artemis is the DJ for this kind of stuff and they like using their brooms and mops as guitars and mics. their music tastes are all sort of the same and it’s always some weird alternative pop rock thing (Jaime is the only freshman member who knows like half their songs and tries to sneak in some latino pop every now and then)

-somehow cassie gets soapy water EVERYWHERE (she blames it on bart’s and gar’s mock swordfight w/ the dusters) and the three of them have to clean it up, with bart knocking himself out at least five times slipping on the floor while trying to speed his way through the process

-tim is the most dedicated to the cause and actually gets more shit done than everyone put together, but when nobody is looking he pulls quiet, subtle pranks that just screws everyone’s process up but they NEVER figure out it’s Tim

-Mal and Karen are the ones who don’t really get anything done bc they’re too busy being lovey-dovey w/ each other, nobody really minds bc that just means Mal and Karen owe them for being let off the hook

-Kaldur is the second most helpful other than Tim thanks to his hydrokinesis. He can get water into all the hard-to-reach-places and actually makes sure that everybody gets work done (he also dumps water on people he catches slacking off but everyone lets him get away w/ it bc they love him)

-the chore everyone hates the most is laundry bc instead of each person doing their own load individually, everyone’s clothes end up being washed together to save energy and whatnot and it’s SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS

-when it’s the boys’ turn to fold + wash everything they always feel hella awkard bc of all the bras and underwear they see but they’re mostly mature about it (except for the time they found Robin underwear and Tim, being the pubescent 14 y/o he is, would not stop blushing and to this day has no idea who it belongs to)

-the girls aren’t any better tbh, they made fun of Dick for buying a set of superhero logo boxers (Flash, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, etc.) and their favorite game to play on laundry day is “Whose Clothes are these bc they’re the worst things I’ve ever seen” (it usually ends up being laga’an)

-Jaime has it the worst, most of his hoodies go missing after Laundry Day and he has to run around the Cave and figure out who stole them. majority of the time the culprits are Gar, Bart, and Cassie, but once he caught Billy wearing them and after that he just kind of...... let himself be defeated by the forces of the universe or whatever is keeping his hoodies from him

-all the guys are pretty mature about period stains I’m happy to say, but the first time Laga’an did Laundry Day with them he freaked out because “OH GREAT SQUID SUCKERS WHAT HAPPENED WHO GOT HURT” (i mean i’m assuming atlantean physiology/biology/whateveriology is different from normal humans considering that blood floats in water so if anybody bled in the sea....that would be hella terrifying and sharks would be able to smell you sooooo)

-and the boys would have to explain to Laga’an what a period is, scarab gives jaime way too many details and Gar is also epically confused bc “wait what professor carr never taught me this???”, so basically gar and laga’an just end up getting the birds and the bees talk (jaime has to tell scarab to shut up every ten seconds)

-cleaning the shower drains is probably the next worst job bc of all the gunk and dirt that washes away when the heroes shower, like Clayface’s sludge or some evil villain’s goop or something like that and the only people who can really stand it are Kaldur, Gar, and M’gann

-actually when anything gets clogged it’s always up to those three to clean it out bc they have the best powers for it, Gar doesn’t really mind gross stuff when he’s in animal form

-speaking of animals, Wolf likes to try and help clean up when everyone else does. He drags around trash bags and buries old junk but just screws everything else up most of the time, always knocking things over and he probably sheds a hella lot and gets mud everywhere

-tbh Wolf is the main reason everyone keeps the Cave so clean. If it had just been them they would’ve been all, “Oh, it’s okay, we don’t have to be that neat, just toss your jacket there and your book here and put your cup on the counter w/ the others.”

-but everyone loves wolf and they’re all concerned about how he might accidentally inhale a Coke bottle or something so they do their best to not be lazy asses and pick up after themselves

-which makes it all the more ironic when wolf brings in leaves and twigs and grass from playing outside

-anyways the Team just turns cleaning into one giant big mess and I love it a hella lot so if you can think of anything else to add feel free to send in your thoughts and hcs!

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fearofaherobrine · 8 years ago

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Roleplay Server Log #163

“BEN’s Lethal Tantrum”

[TLOT] BEN... he needs to be clean or he'll get sick. You can get away with that, he can't. I know it's upsetting, but he's safe here. You should know that by now.

[BEN] - He does not need to get wet!

[Doc] Well I don't think you want to use lava like we do with you. It's too scary for a baby and we don't want him to grow up thinking that won't hurt him.

[BEN] - But water hurts too!

[TLOT] It does not hurt you. Now you're just making things up!

[snake] only if nobody is careful will someone drown

[BEN] His memories are loud, he remembers the dock breaking under his feet and him falling into the lake, the pain of drowning as his lungs fill with icy liquid-

[TLOT] Feels his thoughts - I know you're afraid and you want to watch for him... but that was out there. Things are different here. You've hit respawn before, it will catch anyone who falls.

[snake] and gem is going to teach him to swim so he won't drown

[BEN] - I've hit respawn before that as well, I simply go back to a previous save. But I refuse to let Hyrule drown!

[Doc] He's not gonna drown BEN, heck, he might even help you get over your fear too.

[BEN] Growls loudly-

[Doc] Maybe that's what you need. Some swimming lessons, just you and me or TLOT.

[BEN] - FUCK NO!

[TLOT] I'd be happy to help.

[BEN] - I know how to swim asshole!

[TLOT] Oh, I thought you didn't know how. So what are you actually afraid will happen to you? You'd have to really let yourself sink to drown and even then you'd be okay.

[BEN] - I DON'T LIKE WATER!

[TLOT] You're stinky anyway BEN, you should come swimming with us.

[BEN] Darts upwards and clings to the ceiling- NO!

[snake] another lava bath?

[TLOT] Nah, the real deal, he should come hang out at the beach with us.

[BEN] - LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS PLAN!

[TLOT] Oh come on, - reaches up to tickle BEN's ribs.

[BEN] Presses himself as close to the ceiling as possible- STOP THAT!

[TLOT] tickle tickle!

[snake] -quietly to himself but loud enough for the others to hear- you should be happy you can have lava baths aven didn't have that choice when she was alive but she still took showers every day.

[BEN] Shrieks and falls- Aven make them stop!

[aven] -is in the tree house and can't hear ben-

[TLOT] Gives BEN a playful poke in the belly

[BEN] Tries to run away-

[TLOT] Just grabs BEN around the waist and picks him up -

[BEN] Struggles as hard as he can- AVEN!

[aven] -hears ben barely and starts to head back to the kitchen-

[TLOT] Come on BEN come hang out with us - Starts walking outside with him

[BEN] Grabs the door frame with a death grip- NO!

[aven] -comes down stair- what's going on?

[Doc] Gives him another tickle so he'll let go. Him and TLOT are blocking the main doorway anyway

[BEN] - They're making me go to water!

[aven] ok maybe that's not a good idea.

[TLOT] We'll bring him back in one piece.

[BEN] - Aven! A little help here!?

[TLOT] Pushes BEN harder to get him out the door

[aven] I don't think I am strong enough to get you out of tlots grasp

[BEN] Whines-

[TLOT] Come on Aven, you know we won't hurt him.

[Doc] You're welcome to come too you know.

[aven] I know but water.

[BEN] - Don't let them drown me!

[Doc] We're gonna visit the other baby dragons first too.

[aven] well ben will freak out if I put the guardians in charge of the baby

[BEN] - DON'T YOU DARE!

[Doc] Bring Hyrule, it's okay. Then BEN will know he's safe

[eddy and Edward] -comes running down the stairs giggling-

[aven] he is sleeping I don't want him to be woken up.

[Doc] Aww damn. I hate to leave you out Aven.

[BEN] - Save me!

[TLOT] Shoves BEN outside with a terrible scrabbling of nails on wood.

[BEN] - Nooooooooooooo!

[Steve] Uhhh, why is BEN screaming?

[CP] Is snickering-

[TLOT] It's just a thing he does.

[Steve] Hey wait, he likes milk doesn't he? Hey BEN, try this. - Offers him a bucket of the vanilla milk.

[BEN] - I don't care! Just let me go back inside!

[Steve] Okay...

[Stevie] - Why is he loud?

[Doc] He likes to complain.

[Stevie] - Oh, okay- Starts sliding off one side of the cow without realizing it

[Steve] Pushes Stevie back up straight - be careful, you'll fall

[TLOT] Is just walking along with BEN held in front of him.

[BEN] Is doing everything he can to resist-

[TLOT] Man you are loud...

[CP] Finding himself in a slightly generous mood gives Hera a mental call to let her know something hilarious is about to happen-

[Herabrine] Perks up as she's helping LJ move some lumber - Hey chuckles, it sounds like we're about to miss some fun. Think we can take a break?

[LJ] - Sure, I'm always up for some fun

[Herabrine] Let's go!

[TLOT] Is headed for the librairy and uses BEN to push the doors open

[Doc] Is following behind him with Steve and the cow.

[Endrea] Perks at the sound of the doors breaking since they were meant to be pulled-

[TLOT] Whoops.... Hi Endrea!

[Endrea] Nods her head in acknowledgment-

[Doc] Follows him in chuckling - Deerheart! Look- points to the gem Yaunfen is sucking happily on.

[CP] Flies up to the upper level of the library where there is more space-

[Deer] - He's... Eating a diamond?

[Doc] Sort of? It's like sugar rock candy. - Pulls out one of the blue gems - You can suck on them and they dissolve.

[Deer] - Interesting...

[BEN] - LET ME THE FUCK GO!

[TLOT] No, because you'll fly up there with Cp and it will be a bitch to catch you again.

[LJ] Leads Hera out of the forest- Now then, where is this fun?

[Herabrine] grins- First we go to the library, and then I think we're taking BEN to the beach.

[LJ] - Lead on

[Herabrine] swaggers through the broken doors - did I miss a party?

[TLOT] Just the brine I needed to see.

[LJ] - Judging by how tight of a grip you have on BEN, I'm guessing water is going to be involved?

[TLOT] Yeah he's stinky.

[LJ] Laughs-

[Stevie] - Can I get down now?

[Steve] Sure- holds out his hands to help-

[Stevie] Reaches out for Steve and is lowered to the ground before he starts running around-

[Doc] I have a small concern Endrea, I wanted to talk to you first... Yaunfen... I don't want to scare them when I shapeshift do you have any suggestions to lessen the shock?

[Endrea] - Hmmm, my children have instinctively known it was me, so I'm not certain what to suggest...

[Doc] Well, we're kinda the same shape, I'm hoping that will help...

[Liz] Stinky. *squinting at BEN from their perch

[Endrea] - It should be fine

[BEN] - SHUT UP! I AM NOT! AND IT HASN'T BEEN A MONTH YET!

[Doc] Would you... I don't know, hold them while I do it in case they run or panic?

[Endrea] - Absolutely, though I don't suggest doing it in here right now, it is starting to get a bit... Crowded...

[Doc] Deerheart, maybe you should do the same, so Yaunfen knows. We are their parents for all intents and purposes.

[Deer] - I understand

[Herabrine] I thought we were going to the beach, I'm sweaty from working anyway, lets go.

[gem] -comes back to the library- did I miss something? -sees hera- oh there you are hera I was looking for you.

[Aqua] Trills from the bucket-

[Herabrine] Whatever it is, I didn't do it!

[gem] no I wanted you to meet aqua.

[Herabrine] Aqua?

[Aqua] Squirts a bit of water at Hera-

[Herabrine] Whoah! That's, hey that's a bitty dragon! What a little squirt! Literally.

[gem] they are going to have to move out of my pond when they are bigger and into the ocean so I thought it would be a good idea to introduce them to you.

[Aqua] Chirps and does a tight turn I the bucket-

[Doc] I think we should go outside anyway, get some air.

[Herabrine] That's so neat!

[Endrea] Starts making sure she has all of her children-

[Steve] Is outside leading the cow to the horse pen in front of the bar.

[Doc] Goes outside and starts down the hill to wait for Endrea and Deerheart.

[Stevie] - Brother! Can we go get father?

[gem] do you want to hold aqua?

[TLOT] Just walks back outside carrying BEN at arms length

[Endrea] Herds WIllow, Oak, and Ashe outside with a bit of help from Deer-

[Herabrine] please. Can they be out of water at all?

[LJ] Follows cackling-

[CP] - Do you really want to?

[Stevie] - Yes!

[CP] Sighs- Go stay with Steve, I'll be back with... Father...

[gem] I don't think so but I am also not sure since they have been in the water the whole time and the end he is from was underwater you can hold the bucket

[Steve] Has put the cow away and is waving to Stevie.

[Stevie] Runs to Steve while CP teleports-

[Herabrine] Aww, sweet baby. I love sea critters. Well, not squids.... - She puts her hand in the bucket to pet Aqua.

[Aqua] Nuzzles against Hera before trying to gum her-

[Herabrine] What does he eat? Anything yet?

[gem] I have been giving him special fish flakes doc helped me make.

[Herabrine] Clever. I saw some shit like that when I was irl with Cp getting the lobsters.

[Steve] is making a shallow pond by the waters edge with a sand bottom as a kiddie pool.

[Stevie] Is already splashing in parts of it-

[Herabrine] Is leading Gem outside talking as they walk- Looks like the Steves have the right idea. Little pond for the small frye

[Notch] Is just placidly drinking a cup of coffee as Cp tps in and grabs him - AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

[CP] Teleports back and drops Notch in the sand-

[Stevie] - Father!

[gem] -follows and sees the kiddie pool- maybe I can put aqua in the kiddie pool.

[Notch] AAAAaaaaa oh...

[Steve] That's a good idea, Stevie can you play nice with Aqua?

[Stevie] - Oh, uhhuh!

[Notch] Did I miss something?

[gem] -lets aqua out of the bucket into the kiddie pool-

[Doc] Just a little outing, nothing big. Had to step out for baby dragon kibble.

[BEN] Is whining-

[Steve] Watches the little dragon swim- so graceful!

[Aqua] Jumps around and splashes before squirting at BEN-

[BEN] - FUCKING MAJORA!

[Doc] Endrea....? Can you..? - Gestures to Yaunfen with a nervous swallow

[Endrea] Nods and gently picks Yaunfen up and putting them between her front paws-

[gem] first time ben got hit since aqua hatched I ended up putting glass up so aqua wouldn't squirt ben and aven.

[Doc] Leans down to give the baby dragon a kiss and backs off on all fours, trying to maintain eye contact.

[Yaunfen] Curiously tilts it's head as it gums the candy diamond-

[Doc] There's a bit of distortion as xe transforms and flops onto the grass with a hopeful smile

[Yaunfen] Squeaks happily-

[Doc] Oh thank goodness... Deerheart? You want to go next?

[Deer] - Sure- She clicks her tongue to get Yaunfen's attention before shifting herself

[Yaunfen] Squeaks again-

[Doc] Lays hir head down near the baby and begins to purr - You know who loves you, don't you? I do. Deerheart... - Xe whispers to get her attention. Hir hearts are overflowing with joy and little tears are glistening at the corners of hir eyes - I don't even have words... Please just lay with us for a little while...

[Deer] Gives a little smile and curls around the other side, her nose almost touching Doc's-

[Yaunfen] Squeaks and almost topples over backwards trying to sniff Doc and Deer's noses as well-

[Aqua] Races around the little pool as fast as he can-

[Endrea] Backs off so Doc and Deer can have some space-

[TLOT] Sets BEN down but keeps one hand on him and forces his shirt and pants into his inventory so they won't get wet. - Come on BEN you know you're just being silly.

[BEN] - NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!!!!!

[TLOT] Unequipts some of his own clothes and walks them both into the shallows. Only BEN's feet are wet for the moment.

[BEN] Shrieks and pulls his legs in towards his body so they are as far away from the water as possible-

[TLOT] Walks a little deeper- You're okay, there's no need to scream.

[gem] -swaps out of her dress to the black shorts and shirt then jumps in next to ben to create a big splash-

[BEN] - NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!- Ear shattering schreech at the giant splash

[TLOT] Is drenched and shakes his head like a dog. - Damn that's cold!

[BEN] High pitched whine-

[CP] - Oh for fucks sake BEN, you have a fucking mask that lets you breath and swim underwater!

[TLOT] He does? That's neat! What does it look like?

[CP] - Like a Zora? I believe is what they're called... Fish like people that live in several of the games of his franchise

[Herabrine] Stops laughing for a moment. - His game has fish people? That's so cool!

[gem] -raises just enough of a wing to make it look like a shark fin and starts swimming around-

[BEN] - LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LETMEGOLETMEGOLETMEGO

[TLOT] Gem your griefer is showing.

[LJ] Is cackling madly-

[gem] -still under the water- I am a shark who is this gem.

[TLOT] We're just gonna paddle a bit. I won't let go. - Gets downa bit further and hold him up a little so his head and shoulders are still clear of the very placid water of the bay.

[BEN] Starts trying to drown TLOT with his powers as he scrambles to get out of the water himself-

[TLOT] Starts coughing madly but doesn't let go, - Stop that dammit!

[BEN] - NO!

[gem] -grabs bens feet and starts to pull him away from tlot while using her wing to keep him above the water-

This message has been removed.

[BEN] Instinctively pulls at his sword and stabs at GEM-

[TLOT] Loses his grip because of the coughing, and staggers back to shore to sit down. - Dammit...

[BEN] Starts attempting a mass drowning of everyone there-

[gem] -grabs at the sword then tosses ben on to land the water doesn't affect her she doesn't have lungs-

[Doc] Sees the little ones struggling to breathe and freaks out, xe's on BEN with a roar and throws him back out to sea.

[Stevie] Starts coughing a little as well-

[BEN] Stays above the water and rockets high into the sky-

[Doc] Is choking but hot on his tail- I'll use the execute! Stop it now!

[BEN] - I don't wanna drown... Don't make me drown!- He's having flashbacks

[Doc] Is starting to black out hirself and fires the admin command as xe falters. The bolt of lightning falls from the ceiling of the server and empties BENs health bar in an instant.

[BEN] His drowning affect ceases as he spawns in his and Aven's bed trembling and scared-

[Doc] Loses conciousness and falls like an arrow into the deeper part of the bay -

[CP] Is checking Stevie over-

[Herabrine] Holy shit... I.... - She runs to the baby dragons first as they're the smallest, trying to call the water out of their lungs with her powers.

[gem] -seeing everyone takeing care of the little ones goes after doc-

[Yaunfen] Weakly heaves the water out-

[Doc] Is unconcious and sinking -

[Deer] Is watching the water carefully and listening to the server-

[gem] -grabs one of doc's arms and starts to pull hir out of the water-

[Doc] Is still in hir dragon shape but easily pulled. -

[gem] -gets doc's head above the water and starts swimming hir to shore-

[Stevie] Climbs out of the water, not so sure about it anymore-

[Aqua] Is confused as to why everyone stopped playing-

[TLOT] Pulls himself together- What the nether was he thinking? Trying that stunt on the children?

[CP] - He was terrified TLOT, he loses rational thought when he's that scared. He was looking for a way out

[LJ] - Not the first time he's tried pulling that stunt

[TLOT] What did your brethern do in that case?

[CP] - Usually Splender would use his abilities to calm him

[gem] -gets doc to shore- I got doc they are unconscious

[TLOT] Skims over Doc's mind. - They're a bit scrambled, but intact. I think hitting the water knocked them out worse then the shock of near drowning

[Deer] Approaches and nudges Doc- Come on love, please wake up

[Doc] mumbles something and winces

[Deer] Focus' the power of the seed on Doc to help them recover-

[Doc] barely audible- I don't want a toothpaste sandwich, can't you see I'm doing my taxes?

[Deer] Laughs a little- Come on love, it's not tax season yet

[Doc] Blinks a bit - I'm pretty sure I have at least four broken bones.....

[Deer] Nuzzles- It's okay, they'll heal soon

[gem] are you ok besides that doc?

[Doc] Yes... I fucking hate that thing BEN does... it hurts to breathe.

[gem] I don't think nearly sinking to the bottom of the ocean would have help that feeling.

[Deer] Hums and settles down next to Doc, still in dragon form-

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tl-notes · 8 years ago

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Gabriel Dropout Episode 3 Notes

Note the melon bread.

虫刺され, mushisasare, is being stung/bitten by bugs, so there’s that extra bit of info in the title.

Politeness is a big deal in Japan, and few places is this so apparent as the service industry. Walk into basically any store and you’re bound to hear an “irasshaimase!”, a combination of the respectful verb for “to go/come/be(it’s very versatile)” (irassharu) and a doubly polite way saying please/making a request (-mase). It’s ritualized to the point of almost absurdity in some cases; you’ll hear it not just when you come in, but every time an employee walks by (in say a grocery store or clothing store).

However, in less formal types of stores, like a ramen shop or the neighborhood vegetable store, people will sometimes use it without the -mase and/or with a hai in front. Commonly, with a somewhat slurred/looser pronunciation (hai, irasshai → hei rasshai)—which is what Gab does here.

Basically all that goes to say that here:

He actually says “is she a (vegetable) grocer…?” referring to people like this:

As you can probably tell, she starts speaking in an accent here. It’s not a specific language’s accent or anything, it’s generic “katakoto,” the equivalent of broken English. It’s the go-to way of portraying “foreigner-speak.”

Except then she drops a pretty obscure Japanese proverb, that not even shopkeep man seems to have recognized (the joke of course being “lol she actually speaks the language super fluently”). The proverb is about how it takes a long time and a lot of effort to acquire proficiency in something. Specifically, it refers to being able to properly use the rudder (3 years) and the oar (8 years) on small old-school Japanese fishing boats like this:

You may have seen these terms, tsukkomi (straight man) and boke (dunce), come up in other shows before. The terms come from a traditional (and still widely practiced, it’s a common form of stand-up) style of comedy. It’s basically a rapid dialogue between two performers, one who constantly says dumb stuff (the boke) and one who interjects, in a hopefully hilarious fashion, to correct them (the tsukkomi). It’s especially associated with a Kansai accent for various reasons, though that’s a more modern convention.

The tsukkomi and boke dynamic forms the basis of a huge amount of Japanese comedy, and comes up fairly frequently in day to day life. Characters in media are often defined to some degree by whether they are a tsukkomi or a boke; it’s one of those “there are two kinds of people…” sort of distinctions.

Japanese subs for Hollywood movies are infamously bad. It’s especially mind-boggling when you consider most movies tend to come out in Japan several months after the rest of the world gets them. Ironically dubs tend to be a lot better.

These horror shows, where they basically tell ghost stories and examine “ghost photos,” are pretty common on Japanese TV, especially in the summer. There’s a general idea in the culture that horror is a good genre for hot weather, because it makes you feel colder (sends “chills” down your spine, etc.).

It’s sort of common at certain types of restaurants in Japan (particularly drinking establishments aimed at groups, like izakaya) to offer this sort of thing, “Russian Roulette” food. It’s a popular-ish thing to order as a group, often as part of a drinking game. Another thing people will do is play a game where everyone has to try to guess who got the spicy one.

Takoyaki and cream puffs are two common vehicles for it, since they have a filling you can’t usually see.

The アメリキャンコーヒー (lit. “American Coffee”) is actually not referring to an Americano, that’s a different thing. “American” is the word in Japan for a style of coffee that’s thin/weak and lightly roasted, like American coffee (cue rage). This comes from how European coffee was represented by stuff like espressos, which are pretty strong, while American coffee was represented by “cup of joe” style stuff you can drink several cups of without having a heart attack. The terminology originated in the 60s, back before Starbucks was a thing and dinosaurs walked the earth.

The other options you can see there are seen as pretty high quality (“Blue Mountain”, from Jamaica, for instance has a protected name along the lines of Champagne for wine).

Here’s another example of the service industry politeness thing. In the Japanese she doesn’t say “drink it and get out,” it’s more just like “here, I brought it for you” using a grammar form that implies it was something Stan should be thankful for. Stan’s reaction is “hey use keigo (polite/respectful language) with me, I’m a customer!”

The translation does a fine job of conveying the idea here, I just wanted to bring it up as an example that ties into the earlier point.

You may have noticed that there are constant god/hell/devil/etc. idioms and puns and such in the subs for this show. I just want to point out that almost literally all of them are added by the translator(/editor?), there is basically none of that in the Japanese (i.e. it’s not a Squid Girl situation where they’re trying to deal with her squid puns/"-degeso" or anything). It’s a good example of how a translation can potentially improve the experience imo. Conversational English is steeped in Abrahamic theological terminology, something Japanese lacks almost entirely, so it’s neat to see they’re taking advantage.

“Stepped on a mine” is a common idiom in Japanese for “brought up a subject/said something that caused somebody (emotional) pain,” usually by stabbing at some trauma or insecurity of theirs.

Central heating/cooling is not really a thing in Japanese homes/apartments; you’re generally going to be using a wall mounted unit like seen here, controlled by a remote like this. This usually means only certain areas of the house (/apartment) are kept warm/cool, and that you’d better keep the doors to those rooms shut tight to keep the heat out/in.

Her shirt says “Karuizawa,” a place that's a short ways outside Tokyo and famous as vacation spot, where lots of rich people keep vacation homes. The shirt design is also pretty reminiscent of the “you work you lose” NEET shirt.

Japan has a similar thing to how in the US (and other places?) Jehova’s Witnesses will knock on doors to try and get you to join their religion. It’s often even Christians (which is a very small minority religion in Japan), though sometimes it’s weird cults. Sometimes you’ll see proselytizers on the street/outside train stations trying to get people as well. Oddly(?), they seem to especially aim for people who are obviously not Japanese, I guess because they figure they’ll be more receptive to a Western religion than the average Japanese person? Or maybe it’s just because they stand out in a crowd. Or maybe because they’re excited to use their English skills.

I’m not sure what "dumb Dora” is shooting for, but the Japanese is just “bakatare,” which isn’t particularly strange or archaic, though perhaps a little more associated with older men and not so much high school girls. It’s mostly just a different/stronger form of “baka”—aho→ahotare is a similar thing. It’s more common in some areas of the country than others (not so popular in Kansai I think?), but it’s not a dialect phrase like gojappe or something.

It's true!

#gabriel dropout #anime #translation notes

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coriignis-archived · 7 years ago

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IN-DEPTH CHARACTER SHEET

Credit to Sir Ender at this writing forum.

Reblog or repost. DO NOT remove credit.

TAGGED BY: @charbonneaux as always!

TAGGING: @flounderfashion, @squid-agent-4, @gottaxroll, @musesoiree (dustin please! if you wanna) and anyone else who wants to do it!

FULL NAME: Liev Kozlov MEANING: “Lion-hearted” and “goat” Mun honestly just picked them because of sound, not any special meaning. (he is associated with lions though so I guess // ) NICKNAME: Leelee, Leevy (thanks Bon) MEANING: Nothing (liev voice: “Bonbon’s just being annoying as usual.”) AGE: 22 BIRTHDAY: March 29th. ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Aries. GENDER: Cis male ALLERGIES: idiots SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Hetero-demiromantic / hetero-demisexual THEME SONG(S): suckers by reel big fish ? i mean i have a playlist here

APPEARANCE: See above for faceclaim (Rider from Splatoon Corocoro manga) HAIR COLOR: Yellow, tinted orange at the tips. HAIR STYLE AND LENGTH: A pair of tentacles tied in a ponytail. EYES COLOR: Deep orange HEIGHT: 5′6′‘ | 167.64 cm WEIGHT: 125 lbs | 56.7 kg OUTFIT/CLOTHING STYLE: When it comes to gear, Liev wears a snorkel or paintball mask (only in battle though - he hates wearing it outside), black or white anchor tee, or moto boots/hunter hi-tops. He may throw on a Zekko hoodie to switch it up, but really, he tends to wear the same thing. His gear is more for practicality than anything, but if it came to aesthetic he’d have different choices.

DISTINGUISHING MARKS(SCARS,MOLES): Scatterings of scars here and there on his arms SELF CARE: Liev is very good at self-care - he always makes sure he looks nice, smells nice, dresses nice, etc. It’s just a habit of his - he likes being clean and presentable for himself. FIRST IMPRESSION ON PEOPLE: Rude, b*tchy, callous. SKIN COLOR: Pale brown. BODY TYPE/BUILD: Ectomorphic - tall and skinny, but athletic. Not particularly muscular but there’s some strength present. DEFAULT EXPRESSION: Resting b*tch face POSTURE: Straight and tall, head held high PIERCINGS: None DESCRIBE THEIR VOICE: Liev’s voice is as callous as his personality, and usually his words come out dry or with a sharp edge. He tends to be sarcastic and mocks other people with his rough words. Sometimes he contracts his speech in an accent, though it’s not always present. He’s naturally quiet but isn’t opposed to calling out.

RELATIONSHIPS MOM: Tani Kozlov HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Tani was a distant mother and while she made sure Liev was properly fed and clothed as a child, she wasn’t emotionally there for him. She refused to acknowledge that Raz (Liev’s brother) was bullying him and dismissed the issue of his best friend moving away as something that “just happens” without much true concern for him.

DAD: Aras Kozlov HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: He is just as distant as Liev’s mother; but this was more damaging to Liev because he should’ve had a father who was there for him. Instead, Aras only went along with whatever his wife believed, and left Liev without any good male figure in his life. SIBLINGS: Raz Kozlov HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: Raz physically and verbally abused Liev when Liev was only a child and his parents never caught him simply because they refused to believe Liev. CHILDREN: None. HOW WELL DO THEY GET ALONG: N/A. PAST LOVER(S): i /would/ put saira here except that as far as Liev knew, his love was unrequited. he never got a chance to even say it. CURRENT LOVER: N/A. REACTION TO MEETING SOMEONE NEW: Liev isn’t afraid to be a jerk to everyone he meets - though he’s not the type to walk up to someone he doesn’t know and straight up be rude to him, if they start talking to him first, it’s likely he’ll be rude. He does this because he doesn’t want them getting close to them; and quite frankly, it does the trick.

ABILITY TO WORK WITH OTHERS: hahaha what?? sometimes his drive to splat other squids during battle actually causes his team a loss. LEAST FAVORITE TYPE OF PERSON: everyone Liev is bothered most by the happiest people - perhaps out of envy, but they also just get on his nerves. dustin lee

PARENTAL TYPE(PROTECTIVE,ETC): Distant - they fed and clothed Liev but weren’t there for him emotionally like they needed to be, which was one of the factors that led to Liev leaving home early. Funny thing is, they never bothered to track him down after that.

PERSONALITY …WHEN YOU FIRST MEET THEM: Callous. Sarcastic. Arrogant. …AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY LIKE YOU): Liev doesn’t like anyone. …AS YOU KNOW THEM BETTER(AND THEY DISLIKE YOU): Mean. Verbally aggressive. Harsh. FAVORITE COLOR: Yellow. FAVORITE FOOD: Meat FAVORITE ANIMAL: He doesn’t like animals. FAVORITE ELEMENT: Fire. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: That gross highlighter yellow ink. LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Squid, I suppose - he’s not a cannibal. LEAST FAVORITE ANIMAL: All HOBBIES: Battling, training. USUAL MOOD: Neutral, probably pissy DRINK/SMOKE/DRUGS: Nothing but drinking the occasional beer here and there. DARK VERSION OF SELF: octo-spy verse (see my verses page) LIGHT VERSION OF SELF: a verse where he & saira live happily ever after (rip tho) HOW SERIOUS ARE THEY: Liev tends to take himself very seriously. CLASS IN AN RPG: Rogue BELIEVE IN GHOSTS: Normally, no, but now that he’s met @musesoiree‘s Lilly... (IN)DEPENDENT: Independent. VULNERABILITY: Lack of a direction in his life. Mentions of Agent 3. His family. Mentions of Saira. OPINION ON SWEARING: He swears frequently. DAREDEVIL VS CAUTIOUS: Cautious. MUSIC TYPE: Liev doesn’t like music. MOVIE TYPE: Drama BOOK TYPE: Mystery / Drama / Suspense COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE: 65-70 F SLEEPING PATTERN: He goes to bed at a decent time and wakes up at a decent time - 10-12 hours of sleep. CLEANLINESS/NEATNESS: Prefers to keep things tidy. DESIRED PET: None. HOW DO THEY PASS TIME: Training or battling. BIGGEST SECRET: He’s actually very lonely and needs someone to trust in his life; but his trust issues prevent him from getting close to people. HERO/WHO THEY LOOK UP TO: Nobody. WHAT ANIMAL WOULD THEY BE: Lion FEARS: Trusting others, attachment, love, being aimless in life COMFORTS: Solitude, winning battles

HOW DO THEY REACT TO… DANGER: He’d continue on, but with a lot of caution, and would try to prepare for it. SOMEONE THEY HATE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THEM: Mock them incessantly and bully them until they finally give up.

PROPOSAL TO MARRY: Downright rejection. Laughter in their face. Crush their feelings. DEATH OF LOVED ONE: Depression and anger- he tends to stop taking care of himself, shuts himself in even more than he already does, and stews about it. If someone was responsible he’d want to kill them. DIFFICULT GAME/MATH/ETC: He’ll get very angry but he’ll be determined to solve or win it no matter how long or what it takes.

INJURY: Grin and bear it. (tis but a scratch) SOMETHING IRRESISTIBLY CUTE: Ha, what?

HISTORY BIOGRAPHY: Liev grew up south of Inkopolis with two parents and a brother older than him by five years. When he was small he depended a lot on his family, as he should’ve been doing. Elementary school was alright for him; kids acted decently, and he even made friends with an Octarian girl named Saira. It was middle school, when he turned 13, that things started to go wrong.

His brother Raz, at 18 years old, decided to become Edgy and started to push away Liev and reject him, despite Liev needing him at such an important time of his life. There were also bullies at school who would pick on him and Saira, and Liev had a sort of job protecting her. For a few months he had been able to confide in her and she could help him sort things at home out; but when she also turned 13, she moved away and left him alone.

Raz’s attitude shifted and his behavior and words quickly turned abusive. Liev tried to tell their parents but his mother Tani and father Aras dismissed him, choosing not to believe what Raz was actually doing. It was then that Liev decided that there was nobody in his life he could trust.

He endured it all for four years and then decided to run away at 17, figuring he could support himself. It was tough battling to earn money and finding jobs elsewhere, but three years later he had made enough to get his own apartment and take care of himself.

That year he happened to meet Saira in a battle and they quickly reconnected and became friends. One thing led to another and they began living together, but only as friends.

Liev realized after a few more months that he was in love with her, and decided one night he was going to propose - but before he could even tell her he loved her, she was whisked away to combat Agent 3 in Octo Valley and was murdered.

Depressed and bitter, Liev’s resolve hardened; there really was nobody in this world he could trust. For the past year he’s been trying to reach the highest ranks and level, determined to find and kill Agent 3 for justice.

FIRST APPEARANCE: An S-rank wielding a Kelp Splatterscope with an unmatchable aggression.

KNOWLEDGE LANGUAGES: Inklish SCHOOLING LEVEL: Sophomore in high school FAVORITE SUBJECT (S): Science, Woodshop INTERESTED CAREERS: He doesn’t have a plan in mind. EXPERTISE: Battling, strategy, and weaponry CHEMISTRY: A- MATH: A LANGUAGE: A- GEOGRAPHY: A- POLITICS/LAW: A COOKING: A MECHANICS: A+ BOTANY (FLOWERS): B MYTHOLOGY: B DRAMATICS(ACTING,SINGING): D

READING LEVEL: College student HOW GOOD ARE THEY AT PLANNING AHEAD: He doesn’t mind planning and structures, and he’s an organized person, so he’s pretty okay at planning ahead.

ROMANCE . DO THEY TAKE INITIATIVE: Presently - he would be better about this in the past - he wouldn’t have any idea of what to do, and would probably prefer his partner to initiate things. HOW DO THEY ACT(SHY,ETC): Tsundere. Liev is a total tsundere. b-baka!! GENTLEMAN/LADYLIKE VS KLUTZY: He’s not a gentleman by any means - even if he put down his callous personality for a minute he’d still have no idea what he was doing. So probably more on the klutzy side. GO SLOW VS JUMP INTO: If it’s up to him, go slow. Very very cautious. PROTECTIVE: Yes. ACT LIKE FRIENDS OR LOVERS: He needs both - his lover would probably be the only one he could trust. WHAT KIND OF PRESENTS DO THEY BUY: He would have no idea what to get his lover, so he’d probably just straight up ask them what they wanted instead of being sneaky about it. Unless they were very vocal about what they liked. TYPE OF KISSER: Incredibly nervous and even shy pecking at first - pecking on the forehead, pecking on the cheek, until he finally works up the courage to pecking at his partner’s lips. Once he feels more comfortable with them, he’ll kiss his partner slowly and deeply, and he’s usually very gentle (in some cases, not so much. like with Bon)

DO THEY WANT KIDS: Nope. DO THEY WANT TO MARRY: Not presently. (or consciously, at least) MAKE GOOD OR BAD DECISIONS: He tries to make okay decisions, but sometimes they’re pretty bad - after all, he has no idea what he’s doing. ARE THEY ROMANTIC: Once he’s used to the relationship he can be. He’s very dorky though HOW ARE THEY IN BED: GET JEALOUS EASY: If his partner is intentional about it, yes, he’ll become jealous and angry - but he tries not to otherwise, choosing to trust his partner.

WIFE/HUBBY BEATER: nope MARRY FOR MONEY: click this. (well...this applies to liev on a much bigger scale but. i’ll just leave this here, thanks bon) FAVORITE SEX POSITION: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ON THEIR DREAM DATE: Doesn’t have a preference, as long as his partner’s happy/having fun. (Though he does tend to enjoy walks.)

OPINION ON SEX: Presently? no thank you, about romance in general. But say, if he had a partner, he’d just want to make sure it was consensual and that his partner was comfortable with it. i don’t really know beyond that

#ABOUT. ☲ your contempt will always taste like grief. ☲#HEADCANONS. ☲ this one’s for all the suckers who still believe in love ☲#thank you syn!#hopefully i didn't miss anything. sweats

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