#i will not be able to emotionally handle the next episodes

[bengiyo]

Ben’s Big BL Blurb 2: Fall is Finally Here

I am simply too busy with worth, family, other hobbies, and life to write about every show in real time anymore. I’m sorry to all the Stray Thoughts readers who’ve reached out about whether I would pick that back up, and I simply just do not have the time to do them anymore. Instead, I’ll try to do one of these as often as I can to catch up on things.

First, let’s go over some shows I finished recently that I don’t think I wrote much about.

First Note of Love

I was so happy to see Michael back on screen, and I was glad to see that he’s still able to get great chemistry with his co-star. Unfortunately, I don’t think this show was very coherent, so I didn’t get a lot out of it emotionally. It was a pretty inoffensive watch overall, and thus an easy show to put on without having to work through too much. I liked the work between everyone, and Mei Lei was such a fun character. Probably won’t return to this one, though. 

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

This is probably the show of the year for me. There’s so much I loved about this show. I loved that the characters had sex, but were neither rewarded nor punished for it; their sex didn’t solve any problems. I also really love how this show explored how childhood trauma expresses in two different kinds of boys, and I love that we got to see a bully reckon with his actions and get closure. I love that this show ended with them being kinda poor, but happy together. I love how messed up they both were about everything. I loved that Juyeong wasn’t stupid, and could read what was going on.

I clearly need to write a separate post to unpack everything I felt in this show.

Let’s move on to what I’m watching currently, in no particular order…starting with the lesbians, and then the worst BLs.

Apple My Love

Genuinely having fun with this GL. I like how quickly most of the drama plays out. It’s giving me quite a bit of secondhand embarrassment, but I like the characterizations in this show. This new production house brought us Knock Knock, Boys! and Monster Next Door this year. We need to keep an eyes on them. 

Haunted Hearts

I’m so fascinated by Oxin Films teaming up with Regal Entertainment. The leads are very attractive, but the cinematography is really boring. I’m trying to stay invested, but it’s kind of a sleepy watch. Also amused that they started airing a ghost romance right after Halloween ended. I’ve kind of moved on emotionally from the season.

My Damn Business

This show could be good, but it’s not. I struggled with episode 5 because our lead looked more relaxed and happier with his senior than the guy he’s getting into a romance with. There’s something missing here in this one, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I think it’s primarily a side effect of the short run time, but I think the boss’s interest isn’t landing properly for the employee to respond to. 

Eccentric Romance

This show could be good, but it’s not. Still, I am obsessed with a murder mystery being the primary source of confusion between our leads. I was willing to forgive this show a lot of its rough edges, but it failed to handle the turn from friendship to sexual/romance really well. I feel like our guys just started dating and having sex, and I’m a bit frustrated that they didn’t talk about it really at all, particularly since this show features two different languages spoken on screen. Genuinely looking forward to seeing how this one finishes. 

See Your Love

I’m not sure this show is exactly working that well, but everyone is very pretty and I’m having a decent time watching it. I like the way Shao Peng stands up for himself, and I like that nothing that’s happened has been totally unbelievable or unreasonable (at least with the mains). I’ll be curious how the hard of hearing and deaf viewers respond to this one once it’s complete. 

Love is Like a Poison

This show is actually so funny. I love that Shiba is in his own lawyer genre separate from everyone else, and I really like how the two of these guys have become a team. I’m curious how they manage to resolve the scamming next week, but this has been the most unexpected dynamic of the year. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yukon

MAME won this year, y’all. We all have complicated feelings about her, but she’s secured a loving adaptation from a Japanese team that’s put solid effort into bringing her characters to life. Every character feels correct compared to their Thai counterpart we saw on screen, and that’s a strong sign that the writing behind MAME’s work is strong, even if we all have issues with the way she tackles certain themes. I’m really impressed with this adaptation, and really like this version of Rain.I also feel like this show is doing a better job blending the forthcoming couple focus shift.

Our Youth

We just got this show, but damn does it feel sharp! I’m always going to be a sucker for a cinephile character, and I’m so compelled by the way Minase is drawn to Hirukawa. The scene in episode 2 where Minase has to leave Hirukawa’s house might be one of the most impressive sequences we’ve had in a while, requiring a great deal of choreography and effort from the actors and the camera crew to pull off, and I’m excited to see how these characters split and then come back together. 

Smells Like Green Spirit

Let me just say that I need another Abe Alan appearance when he isn’t playing a character doing horrible things to his students. I’ve enjoyed meditating on the 90s with this show and what that era felt like. I’ve liked how the show has tried to focus on how different parents (especially the moms) have responded to their kids coming to terms with themselves. I’ve also really enjoyed the friendship that’s grown between Mishima and Kirino. I’m struggling with Yumeno a lot, because I’m really not a friend of bully romances. Still, I feel like this is one of those shows I’ll remember for a long time because of its focus on the 90s. 

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

I think @lurkingshan covered reactions to episode 5 and episode 6 better than I could, and I loved @twig-tea giving context for the film history moment in episode 6. I remember screaming into the chat for friends to show up for this when I got to that moment. This show has two great pairs of dynamics going on that mirror well. It’s got such a strong handle on its characters’ motivations and how they would respond to the actions from each other. It’s probably the tightest thing I’m watching now, backed by extremely dialed-in performances. I will be thinking about Qi Lu organizing his potential first kiss with Qin Xiao, and how unapologetic he’s been about the entire affair. He’s being selfish here, but I kinda like it. I’m so thankful that we are somehow still getting this show, because goddamn do the Chinese actors deliver on chemistry sometimes.

Interview With the Vampire Season 2

I finished this with a friend last week, and holy fuck is this show still so, so good. We watch a lot of gay romance because of BL, and I am having so much fun watching the show about gay divorce. I loved the time we spent in Paris, Daniel’s shifting role in the narrative, and the new insights we got into Lestat this season. I will miss Claudia so much, and I have to give a standing ovation to Delainey Hayles stepping into the role of Claudia and doing the damn thing this season. I just love seeing my little fucked up gay people torment each other on screen.

I'm still thinking about Louis and Lestat reuniting in a hurricane after Claudia derided this as yet another chapter in their stormy romance.

Dropped Shows

Unfortunately, everyone can’t win. Some of these shows are just too long for me to keep up with them, and oftentimes I get bored. I’ve currently dropped:

Lovesick 2024 - I may go back. We’ll see

Jack & Joker - It’s just too long, and they just killed Jennie and a kid. I’m good.

Fourever You - I’m bored with Earth always playing this character type.

Pluto - Namtam and Film are beautiful, but this looks too messy right now.

Every You, Every Me - Wasn’t intrigued after episode 1, but the commentary may draw me back.

Kidnap - Ohm is not enough to keep me invested in this show. 

Uncle Unknown - How did they make a 6 minute show feel slow?

I’m genuinely not trying to be harsh to Thai shows out here, but I just do not have the time to keep up with all of them when they’re this long and dragging.

Thanks for stopping by, and let me know if there’s something I missed that I should check out.

[kafus]

ever since liko lost in her battle against chili back in HZ056 i've been pretty passionate about wanting liko to win her future battle against grusha, partially because i just love her and want to see her win after such a heart-wrenching defeat, but also because i thought it would be good character writing - she loses, but learns to be passionate about battling in the process, and then she can apply that to her next major fight and win as a result. that was my thought process.

as HZ063 drew closer however, i started feeling like that maybe isn't what would happen - the way episodes have panned out, she hasn't really had any major battle training since her loss against chili (her joining roy with "awesome training" does not count LOL), and that massive cetitan and the type disadvantage started to really loom over the whole thing. but i still wasn't sure and by the time HZ063 came out this weekend, i genuinely had no clue what to expect, i just hoped the character writing payoff would be good, win or lose.

AND IT WAS!!! thank fucking god i love liko so much i need more really good liko episodes. i'm eating this up

first off: liko REALLY shows off what she learned from battling chili. honestly an absolute treat to watch. her level of increased confidence and focus honestly made me feel spoiled as a fan. never once did she take her eyes off the battle, she was not distracted by grusha being a hardass, and she's able to think through being pinned into a corner to turn the tides despite the odds stacked against her.

everything from the strategic switch to tebrim, to firing off magical leaf into huljukira's mouth, to grabbing tyltalis by the tail/feet... she's actually a really crafty and thoughtful battler when she sets her mind to it, which makes sense because her battle preferences are more to do with her mind than raw strength. even roy remarks "nice control" because she has notable precise control over her pokemon's actions. point is the payoff for her character development in her battle against chili was still present... despite her loss.

and man does this loss sting like a bitch after watching her perform so well... AND on top of that grusha is a complete asshole about it. like UGH it just hurts to watch. and frankly there's no excuse as someone in grusha's position to be treating students that way... but there is a reason. and the reason makes this episode super fucking interesting. i really like how it was handled, actually.

pretty much directly after a scene where grusha interrupts the trio having fun sledding with the arukujira, we're presented with grusha's backstory about why and how he quit snowboarding. the writing is essentially saying, here's grusha being a no-fun, shitty person, and here's why he's like that. (notably, the trio was doing something similar to snowboarding and had to dodge being injured themselves...)

what's important, though, is that we also find out that grusha didn't quit snowboarding because he was too seriously injured to ever do it again, just that it would be harder for him to achieve the same results he used to. he made a conscious, emotionally fueled decision to quit, because like the man says: he's harsh on everyone, himself included.

at this point, he is basically the opposite of liko, and to the general themes of most stories in pokemon. he is not an incredible pokemon trainer because of passion, in fact he only became a trainer after his snowboarding accident just so he'd have something to succeed at again. he is not an incredible pokemon trainer because of friends or adventure or any other reason than a desperation to reach the same artificial "success" heights that he did before his accident. not to say that he's inhuman - forgiving the arukujira that caused his injury, patting it on the head, and becoming its trainer, signals a sense of personal guilt over the situation, and the arukujira in question obviously likes him despite his behavior. but it's a very strong contrast to what liko learned in HZ056, with being connected with her pokemon through battle, and enjoying fighting tough opponents even though she could lose.

and it's important to note that even as far back as HZ056 itself, grusha was framed as a contrast to liko. he approaches her and his coldness (no pun intended) immediately slices into the atmosphere of the scene and liko's improved mood, and he implies that liko is weak for being happy after losing, because all he personally cares about is winning and being on top.

all of this is to say that grusha is in the wrong to fail liko, he's in the wrong to talk down to her the way that he does. and this is made clear by the writing! when liko loses and grows from it, grusha's there to say something negative about it. when liko is having fun with her pokemon and her friends, he sarcastically remarks that she must be "pretty confident" if she has time to "goof off." the man in the gym says that he could have kept snowboarding, but he quit, as opposed to liko who gets back up again. everyone thinks he's harsh and offputting.

and at the end when grusha fails her, even dot and roy are like, no, maybe he'll pass you or give you a second chance! because they (rightly) experienced those things and were able to grow from those experiences, so surely the same would be the case for liko? but no! and it's a shock to everyone!

the sound effect paired with liko's surprised face clearly indicates that this is supposed to shock the viewer just as much as it shocks liko and her friends.

and her friends are so surprised that they even try to argue with grusha about it!! it is unfair and wrong! and that's so fucking interesting!!! grusha is a flawed adult character, he's not part of the explorers but he's still treating liko wrongly as opposed to with the support that most of the adults in her life have given her, and he has a reason which makes him compelling, but not an excuse. for the type of show this is i am continually surprised by the complexity of some of the character writing, and this hits particularly well. liko's loss feels meaningful... and like setup for something.

to me, this episode seamlessly bridges off of liko's character development set in motion in HZ056, and also makes her character more clear through her contrast with grusha. i definitely don't think this is truly the end of this plot thread - whether or not liko actually gets to fight grusha again sometime in the future or something else, i definitely think liko will get to prove herself in some way, that pokemon battles aren't just about winning or losing and that grusha was indeed in the wrong. and i do hope she gets to fight grusha again or grusha gets to see her prove herself in the future, because it seems like the guy needs to learn to loosen up and have fun and be passionate, too.

i feel even more sure of this because amethio is in the upcoming episode (thank god, i missed him) and grusha parallels amethio in a lot of ways - they both work very hard to be stronger, but just because of a desperation to succeed, and they're both absolutely miserable and irritable as people because of it, though of course amethio's motivations for being this way are very different. i won't speculate too much about the next episode right now but i am hoping that this will be pointed out by the narrative in some way - an amethio episode coming right after this feels... intentional to say the least lol.

the intentional nature of horizons' character writing and its ability to follow through on things it sets up episodes ago never fails to impress me tbh. really good episode. i fucking love liko

[glade-constellation]

Okay, finally about to get all my thoughts down after yesterday’s episode. I’m going to start with Moon since he’s being the one most talked about.

This is going to be a long post, so I’ll put a cut here <3

Moon

A lot of people are hating on how Moon reacted to Sun’s current trauma. I agree that he is not handling the situation well. As much as I understand where he’s coming from, running from Sun is not going to help at all. Sun desperately needs his family with him right now. No one else may have considered Nexus daily anymore, but it was still clear that Sun cared. He basically had to kill his own brother. Not only that, he was made to feel as if he chose to kill his own brother. (There was no choice in the matter, it was physiological torture set up specifically to make Sun feel guilty for his actions. Sun may have threw the “fireball” but Dark was the one who forced him to.)

Anyways, back to Moon. I think what a lot of people are forgetting is that Moon also just lived through a trauma. He was kidnapped and tortured, almost killed before Ruin saved him. The only reason Ruin saved him, as Ruin explained himself, was because Ruin hated Dark and Nexus. It was not because he wanted to save Moon, it was because he wanted to thwart Dark and Nexus’ plans. When he’s finally on his way to getting out, he finds two of his brothers being tortured, and almost watched one of them die before he got there. (I think that’s why he started screaming when he did. He was buying time for Solar by directing Nexus’ attention at him.) He then watched Nexus die. He was not close to Nexus in any way, but watching anyone die in front of you is not great for your mental health.

After all this, Moon is then told he has to not only process his own trauma, but take on Sun’s trauma as well. Moon does want to help, but he is too overly burdened by his own problems and knows he wouldn’t be of any help. To make up of his guilt, he is coving up his own trauma response by saying he’s doing it for Sun. He very likely knows this isn’t going to help Sun emotionally, but he feels he can stop any farther trauma to Sun by stopping whatever’s causing it. It’s both genuinely feeling this is the only way he can help Sun, and feeling guilt over not being able to help him in the way that is currently needed.

Is that the best response? No. But is it a very Moon response? Yes. This is actually exactly how he used to fix problems. Moon should not have abused Sun in the way he did, and he still needs to apologize for that, but Moon genuinely thought in some of these instances that he was helping Sun. He is not an emotionally available person, so he cannot handle his own emotions on top of others. So he does the next best thing he can think of and tries to stop what’s causing the trauma. Moon has just as much trauma as Sun does, people just don’t tend to feel that way because he took out his emotions on Sun to process them. At least this time he’s not taking it out on Sun. At least he is trying to actually stop the problem.

All in all, Moon isn’t as in the wrong as everyone keeps saying. Yes, he definitely should go talk to Sun. Hell, even just sitting in the same room as Solar does all the talking would be a big help. Just showing that he is there for Sun. But then Moon would feel more guilty, because he wouldn’t see how he’s helping and would still want to go after Dark and Ruin. He may seem apathetic, but he genuinely is trying to fix the situation.

(Edit : I also think people are forgetting that Moon had absolutely no insight as to what the real situation was. Sun did not tell them he was forced to make a choice, he simply saw Nexus explode. He probably thinks Sun intentionally killed Nexus. He does not realize the true gravity of the situation like we do.)

Sun

Obviously, Sun is the most emotionally distressed over the situation. The entire time he was talking with Nexus, a few episodes before his death, Sun tried to say he didn’t care about Nexus. Nexus saw through the lies, he knew Sun for an entire year by this point. They used to be brothers, Nexus wasn’t going to believe Sun didn’t care because Sun never stopped caring. As much as Sun was hurt by Nexus, that was still his brother. It’s kind of similar to his feelings of Moon at the beginning of the show. Moon did some genuinely terrible things to him, but Sun still cared. The only reason this situation is any different is because Moon would sometimes try and show regret over his actions, and Nexus blatantly didn’t care.

Sun found out his brother was kidnapped, had to bargain with the enemy to try and get past another enemy, almost got caught in the crossfire of a deadly fight, and was then tortured by someone he used to call a brother. He was almost forced to watch Solar die purely as a revenge tactic to get back at him, and Sun would have felt it was his fault Solar died. The was only stopped by Moon rushing in to start fighting. Right when it looked like Nexus was about to kill everyone, Dark forced Sun into a rigged choice between killing his brothers. (Edit: It was Ruin’s device that killed Nexus. Sun had no part in physically killing him.)

Once again, really want people to understand that Sun did not kill Nexus. He was simply made to feel like he did. It’s psychological torture, make someone feel as if they are choosing a certain outcome when you are actually in control so that the person will be traumatized by “their own” actions. Dark was very in control of the situation. He very much knew who Sun was going to choose, but forced him into doing so in a way that would make Sun feel like it was his fault. Sun is in no way at fault for Nexus’ death. That is completely on Dark.

In the end, Sun is forced to watch his former brother, someone he still cares very deeply about, die a very violent and painful death. He is forced to think he is the one to cause it. He was already in high distress before hand from Moon’s kidnapping and attempted rescue. Now he is dealing with what is quite possibly his worst trauma yet. This forces him to shut down and dissociate from the problem.

Notice how Sun forces himself not to breakdown until he gets back to the house, and even then he goes to his own room and very quietly starts to cry. Even while he was in extreme emotional pain, he was trying to be considerate of the people around him. He didn’t want to force them to handle him while he was suffering, so he made his suffering as silent and unseen as he could. Because Sun never stops caring.

To say the least, Sun is in an unbearable amount of pain right now. It will be a very long road to recovery for him, if he ever recovers from this.

Solar

Solar seems to be the most level headed in the situation, which isn’t an odd thing. He will usually take on that role in these types of situations. He was also one of the first to say killing Nexus was their best option. He was probably the most prepared for this kind of outcome.

The thing is, as much as Solar might not like it, he is still an Eclipse. He still deals with his problems like most Eclipses do, though arguably better than others. He finds work to do, and he drowns himself in it to avoid his own feelings. Eclipses are kings of repression. Solar doesn’t want to acknowledge his own feelings, so he’s going to forget he even has them.

His current choice of work? Helping Sun. To him, Sun is obviously more hurt than he is, so his own emotions don’t matter. He feels Sun needs more help than him, so he’s not going to show any distress so that the others will focus on Sun and not him. If they focus on him, he will have to feel his feelings, and he doesn’t want that. He wants Sun better, because to him Sun obviously is the one more in need.

I think that’s one of the reasons he got so upset with Moon over the whole “go talk to Sun” situation. No one is helping Sun, and he’s confused on why no one is helping. Sun obviously needs it, why is everyone just leaving him alone? They need to go check on Sun, he’s obviously not okay right now. Why is no one helping Sun?

I thinks there’s a lot of factors at play here, besides just repression. I think is also somewhat projection and reliving trauma too. He basically lived the beginning of his life without help when he was in emotional distress. His Moon never cared about him, blamed him for Sun’s death, and constantly verbally and physically abused him. He was never allowed to grieve. Seeing Sun hurting like this and not getting help is reminding him of his own feelings in past situations where he never got help. He may not realize it, but it’s a possibility. Also, he still has the attachment to his own Sun. I don’t think he likes seeing any Sun (besides Dark) in any sort of pain.

Then there’s the last thing.

Solar had to kill his Moon.

This situation is striking way too close to home.

Solar is probably the only one who genuinely can feel empathy for Sun’s current situation. He’s the only one who knows what it feels like to “pull the trigger”. Nexus was also acting very similar to how Solar’s Moon used to act. And Solar never got any help when it happened. He didn’t even tell anyone, he covered it up and tried to forget. I think Lunar is the only one who knows about it, and Lunar never did anything about it. Solar was forced to go through nearly this exact situation, and he does not want to see Sun go through what he had to go through.

(On top of all this, Solar was very close to Nexus before his death. He’s not showing it, but he is very much hurt by what is happening. The only reason he is probably not in more distress is because he prepared for this being a possible outcome.)

Earth

To be completely honest, I have been way more focused on the others in this situation. Earth is also one of the easiest characters to read, as she verbally voices her feeling to everyone and has never really felt the need to hide them. We already know she’s upset by the situation, and is probably going to have some sort of mildly poor coping mechanism, but she is going to be the most emotionally okay out of everyone. Not because she is feeling okay, but because she’s the most in tune with her own feelings, and with how to properly handle those feelings.

I’m not saying she’s going to be perfectly okay over this. She is obviously still very hurt and troubled. I am also not trying to downplay her emotions. She is definitely going to need the others to help her. This portion isn’t short because I don’t like her, it’s just short because she is genuinely the best off in this situation. She knows how to find help when she needs it and, even better, she will ask for it.

Monty & Lunar

I’m sticking them together because I feel very similar ways about them.

I do not understand their reactions to the current situation.

Monty is more understandable. He was always closer to Moon than he was to Nexus. That much was very obvious. The moment Moon came back they got drunk and partied, and then feel right back into their old friendship. Monty was seemingly completely unaffected by Nexus’ change of heart. He very much only cares about themself and Earth.

The way he’s acting currently is not helping the situation. At all. It’s even worse than Moon’s reaction, in my opinion. Moon at least feels he is helping Sun. Monty is doing nothing. “Nexus is dead? Cool. Let’s hide this from Earth because it will hurt her and I can’t stand seeing that.” That is going to hurt Earth a lot worse in the long run if she was never told. She doesn’t like lies, even by omission. You already are hurting others by being apathetic, do not hurt Earth because seeing her hurt will hurt you. That’s fucked up.

Then there’s Lunar. I’ve already talked about my feelings on him, but I still cannot figure him out. He’s always been a very apathetic character when he’s not interested or running from emotional pain. But this? This feels almost malicious. He doesn’t seem to care. Usually when he is running, he’ll verbally tell everyone he knows what he’s doing. He knows it’s bad. But right now he is not saying anything. His is either dissociating from the problem to the point he is numb, or he is so genuinely unbothered that there isn’t any sort of care in his heart.

This doesn’t feel like Lunar. This has never been his reaction to anything before. We haven never seen this from him at this scale. It feels so violently out of character for someone who is very emotional and loud about it.

At this point, I am starting to wonder if the Star power is having a bigger effect on him than we think. We all know that the Astrals deal with apathy to most things. Even Castor and Pollux has said they don’t react to things like most people expect them to. They do not have the ability to care in a way the feels human. Since Lunar has been training to become an Astral, I’m starting to wonder if this will begin to mentally change him as well.

I am not saying that apathy is a bad thing to have. I am not saying Lunar is wrong to feel this way. I am simply saying it feels violently out of character, and is not helpful in the situation at all.

These two are currently being the least helpful in this situation. They do not care, and do not feel the need to soften their apathy and help the others. Lunar is actually the most unsympathetic out of the group, which is actually a stark contrast to how he usually is portrayed.

[milehighmegs]

On the Subject of Fandoms: A Love Letter

So, I'm old. Well, oldER. I haven't entered the twilight of my years by any stretch, but once I entered that midlife wistful state of nostalgia, I knew that I had very likely reached the point at which it would be more past than future. And ya know, that's ok. I made peace with my mortality long ago. I don't fear death, I fear not living before I die.

So what's that got to do with fandoms? you may be asking. Fair enough. Here's what it's got to do with fandoms:

Before it was even a term, before I could do multiplication or write my name in cursive (I told you I'm old), I was part of a fandom and didn't even know it. My parents watched 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' when it was still on primetime; we even recorded the final episode on VHS and had it for years. (I told you, I'M OLD.) It was so incredibly formative for me that it's become part of my identity, part of my moral & ethical code, part of my personality. Is that ridiculous? Dramatic? Maybe even a bit of hubris? Perhaps. But it's true, nonetheless.

I've since joined other fandoms, of movie franchises (namely the MCU), TV shows (like Good Omens), and musicians (I'm a die-hard metalhead) over the course of my life, each of them creating/inhabiting a different part of what makes me ME. Though I've always remained the same basic person at my core (a decent one at least if not a good one, I hope), being a part of these fandoms has shaped the foundations of how I live my life, and how I've LIVED my life.

Being on the proverbial back nine of my earthly existence, looking back at what's come before, at how far I've come and all the things I've fucked up or gotten right, questioned, accepted, regretted, cherished... so much of that is filled with moments like, 'what would Captain Picard do? How would the Avengers handle this? Which Slipknot song would be most comforting right now?' With the explosion of semi-social media sites (like tumblr here, and its gateway drug, Pinterest), I've been able to dive even deeper into the fandom. The fic, the art, the theories & analyses... it turns my appreciation for all these things I love to 11. But it wouldn't be possible without the most critical element: the fans.

Because people have such a love for, and identify so strongly with the stories & characters of their respective fandoms, they go deep into hidden meanings, major themes, & what they imagine these stories would be like if they were able to direct the action. More than anything, what I love about fanfic/fanart is that while yes, we're creating what we want for the characters, it's more a reflection of what we want for ourselves, both in the same situation as the characters and in life in general. For example, I see SO MUCH art/fic of Crowley & Aziraphale being open & free in showing their love for each other. I see so many stories of them making up and living happily ever after. The art ranges from sweet & adorable to... ah... adult-themed, but the vast majority of the latter is passionate, tender, & clearly loving; rarely is it straight-up raunchy. Smutty? Totally. Raunchy? Not so much. And why? Because we know these two are IN LURVE, not just in lust. And we want what they (clearly) have, even if they can't admit it to one another. We, the fans, can live vicariously through these characters and these worlds, and there we can find what we're looking for.

I've had a rollercoaster of a life, emotionally speaking, especially in matters of romantic love, and much of that hasn't been pleasant. I've done so much soul-searching, shadow work, self-care and all that whathaveyou, but none of it- NONE of it- has come anywhere near to being as insightful as the fan-based art & analyses of the relationship between Crowley & Zira. I have spent the vast majority of the last week thinking about it, writing about it, going over & over how it applies to my life & experiences, and I gotta say... none of it would be possible without the remarkable Good Omens fandom. So seriously, thank you. THANK YOU. You've helped to make me a better person. You've helped to make me look back on my life, smile, and turn around... to look forward to what comes next.

Keep up the incredible work, creators. You never know whose life you could be saving.

[bwabys-scenarios]

Unconditional

Kurapika x Fem!Reader

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

warnings: Kurapika is depressed, mentions of him having anger issues, mention of reader’s period(very short)

taglist: @desiray562 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @stygianoir

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Living and loving Kurapika wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. He had anger issues that got out of control sometimes, he struggled to be emotionally vulnerable with you, and he had missed several date nights and special occasions to chase the Phantom Troupe.

The other three in your friend group saw you as a saint. “I don’t know how you handle all of that, (Name). I would have broken up with him long ago.” Leorio said, sipping on his beer.

You sighed, playing with the straw to your strawberry soda. “It’s tough, but… I’m holding onto hope. Once he gets revenge, I… I hope he’ll be ready to settle down with me. He’s talked about wanting children before. I… want that too.”

Leorio downed the rest of his beer, before letting out a huff. “You’re too kind and patient for your own good.”

Maybe he was right, but the Kurapika you got to see was different than the man that others did.

It was winter, and he hadn’t gotten a single lead on the scarlet eyes or Phantom Troupe in weeks. Christmas was around the corner, and the closer it got to the holidays, the more depressed he became.

When he wasn’t away on missions or business, he stayed with you at your apartment. For the past week, he had been struggling to get out of bed.

Despite him not taking good care of himself and often taking his sadness and anger out on you by yelling or pushing you away, you still held him in the late hours of the night as he sobbed.

“I miss them… god I miss my mom, I miss my dad… I miss Pairo…”

You rubbed soothing circles into his back, not minding that his hair was greasy or his clothes were covered in stains. You kissed his forehead and wiped away his tears, whispering sweet words of love.

“Why don’t we do something tomorrow? Something to get you out of the house, or at least out of bed,” you said softly, caressing his cheek. He didn’t answer, burying his face into your warm bosom.

Soon, within your comforting embrace, he was able to fall back asleep.

He would go through these depressive episodes sometimes, where he would barely eat, and stay in bed for several days. You always helped him do little things to make him feel better, like change his clothes and brush out his hair so it didn’t get matted.

The next morning, you woke up, gently leading him to the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the bathtub shyly as you filled it up with warm water. Kurapika seemed embarrassed, rubbing his arm.

“I’m sorry, I smell gross and look terrible…” he said softly, eyes focused on the floor.

You smiled, helping to pull off his shirt. “Everyone is gross sometimes. You didn’t mind when I was on my period and bled through my pants while we were on a date and even let me cover my butt with your jacket!”

He smiled shyly, his cheeks erupting in a blush when you pulled his pants and boxers off. “Th-that’s different. You couldn’t help that, I’ve just been lazy and I don’t deserve you-“

“Kurapika, we’ve talked about this! You’re not being lazy, you’re going through a lot! You’re allowed to feel upset, and I’ll be here to take care of you, just like you take care of me. You’re deserving of love and understanding.”

He had heard this from you multiple times, but each time it made him want to cry. No one had ever looked past the mask of anger and emotional unavailability he put up. You tore down his walls so easily, making him feel like putty in your hands.

Kurapika stayed silent, allowing you to wash his body, making soft content groans as you washed away all of the grime he acquired over the past week. You applied a cleanser to his face before scrubbing his hair, waving it smooth and fluffy after his bath.

Although he still felt pretty bad, a bath had helped a bit. He watched as you picked out some comfortable pajamas for him to wear. It was the morning, but honestly he appreciated you noticing he didn’t feel like doing much.

You dried him off before dressing him, the blonde leaning against you as you blow dried his hair. It felt nice being taken care of like this. In his teens, Kurapika would have never imagined someone caring about him so much that they were willing to bathe him when he was unwell.

“You’re… you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

You blinked, your face heating up. He’s never been afraid to say he loved you, in fact you were sure that you may be the person he held the most dear in his life, but the words he just said held so much weight.

“Kurapika…”

You pressed kisses into his face, wiping away the stray tears that fell down his cheeks. “You’re my everything, Pika. I want you to be happy, truly happy.”

He sighed, pulling you close and hiding his face in your chest. Kurapika always felt so safe when he was in your arms. It was almost comical to him. You were so much weaker than he was, with the wrong move he could crush you, but right now your arms around him made him feel safe and protected.

“One day… when… when everything has been resolved…”

He looked up at you, smiling. “I’m going to make you my wife.”

You felt your heart do backflips in your chest, and he couldn’t help but laugh at your flustered face. “You’re really cute, (Name). I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone as much as I love you.”

After recovering from his sweet words, you applied moisturizer to his face and combed out his hair. When he looked in the mirror, he could still pick out all of the things he disliked about himself.

He was pale, thin, had bags under his eyes… but you always blushed when he looked your way, your heart thumping wildly when he kissed you. It made him feel a little less insecure.

Kurapika let you lead him to the living room and set him up on the couch with a Christmas movie and some breakfast while you cleaned up your shared room. You had been unable to change the sheets and blankets due to his state, and you really wanted to give him a fresh start.

You returned after making the bed and putting the dirty bedding on to wash. “You know…”

You lifted the edge of the throw blanket you’d covered Kurapika with, ducking under his arm he wrapped around you to lay your head on his chest. “This is nice. I wouldn’t mind sitting here with you all day.”

He grinned, giving you a bite of his pancakes before snuggling close to you. “I’d like that. Now I don’t stink, and I feel… better. Some cuddles with my lovely girlfriend would be nice.”

And that’s exactly what the two of you did, spending the entire day together. The only time you left each other’s embrace was to use the bathroom or for you to prepare meals. Soon, it was time for bed.

The sheets smelled nice and fresh, and cuddled up with you, Kurapika could already feel himself beginning to feel better. It would take time to heal, but little things like this showed him just how loved he was, and how much he loved you.

“Goodnight, my beloved. Tomorrow, I… want to try going outside.”

You smiled, kissing his cheeks. “That sounds nice, we can stop by that new bakery down the street for breakfast.”

Kurapika almost felt excited for the day to come, and it was all thanks to you. “I love you so much… you truly are the most important person in my life.”

“I love you too, Pika.”

You both fell asleep in each others arms, each falling a bit more in love with the other.

[ernmark]

Juno Steel and the Case Closed (part 1) reaction

It's been a while since I've done one of these, hasn't it?

But it's the last episode, and I wanted to be here for the end. So if you'd like, some thoughts and theories under the cut:

It was a solid choice to have Nureyev go-- to make this final story about Juno and his world and his life, rather than specifically about their relationship. But also, the choices made around Nureyev's leaving-- holy shit.

Because here's a man who's spent the last twenty years entirely defined by his relationship with one man, and now he's cut loose and of course he's flailing to re-establish himself in a different orbit. And you can hear it in his voice, where it rises into something halfway to panic (amazing job, Noah Simes), and you can feel exactly how horribly wrong it's going to go if he goes down that road. And then there's Juno, who's healthy enough to be the voice of reason, even when it hurts him? Who makes it clear he's willing to wait until Nureyev is ready for him? Oh my god, that's perfection. (And Nureyev going maybe back to Brahma-- my little fanfic writer heart did a leap there). Nureyev may very well be back next episode (I suspect he will, if only for the final moments), but I really like this as an ending of their arc-- not the neatly laced up riding off into the sunset together, but looking forward to that sunset and being actually ready for it when it comes. It makes my heart feel so good.

--

And from that happy moment, to have Juno go back to Hyperion, to his office, and immediately start slipping back into his worst self? Oh, that's too real-- in a way that I am very happy with. Because he isn't 'fixed'. Juno 'born-a-sad-baby' Steel won't ever be 'fixed', not by romance or a vacation or a wonderful new family dropping him reminders of how much they love him. What's wrong with him isn't something that can be fixed-- but this time around it's different. This time around, when he yells at Rita she stands up to him (with a small, tremulous voice, because goddamn standing up to people you love is terrifying). I am so proud of her for that, and of him for backing off. It takes a palpable effort for him to rein himself in, but he's making that effort-- and he knows how, in a way that I don't think he did in those early seasons. It's a choice he's making, over and over again, just like it's a choice he makes to keep replaying Jet's wisdom instead of drowning his misery in tequila.

(Another kudos there: that Juno's problem isn't addiction, not the same way it is for Jet-- alcohol isn't a problem for him when things are going well, but it's easier to retreat into a bottle than to deal with his feelings. It's a distinction you don't see very often. Honestly, the way this show has dealt with addiction has been really refreshing to see.)

I've said from the beginning that one of the things that really drew me to this show was how it handles Juno's depression-- as a genuine mental illness that's an inherent part of him. And it's enheartening to see him struggle with it, but now be able to reach out for the tools and the support he needs. And that support doesn't have to be Jet literally talking him away from the bottle, or Rita or Nureyev petting him and making him feel better. He can reach for the pieces of them that they leave behind. And he can wish the Ruby 7 a good journey home, and send Nureyev to find himself, not without pain and grief, but without completely losing himself to it.

That kind of story gives me so much more hope than any kind of 'happily ever after' ever could.

--

And then the designated mystery, which has me so freakin' excited:

Nightmare.

She is the culmination of so many plot threads that I've been picking up on for so long and I'd completely forgotten about, and I am so freaking excited to see it.

I was in such a rough place emotionally when we last visited the most obvious of those threads, I genuinely don't remember if I posted meta about it or not, but it definitely struck some bells:

When Juno rescued Rita from Dark Matters, the safehouse she was in was described as being full of items that were clearly meant for a child. At the same time, Sasha was having Rita destroy all evidence of her own life so thoroughly that not even Rita herself would be able to find traces afterward.

It seemed most obvious to me that she was hiding a child (one that, I didn't realize until Juno remarked on Nightmare's area code, could have been hidden in the suddenly repopulated New Town without anybody asking inconvenient questions about who she was or where she came from). Also her taking care of a child would explain her ever-escalating reactionary tendencies-- she certainly wouldn't be the first parent who descended into authoritarianism in a misguided attempt to protect someone.

So some theories about who and what Nightmare is:

Alessandra's daughter is the most obvious, of course. (I still hold onto that theory that Sasha was either the Worst Client that Juno told Alessandra Strong about, or else that Sasha was the cheating spouse in that story.)

Nightmare could be Annie Wire's daughter-- assuming that Annie survived the factory, grew up, had a child of her own, and then died for real this time, leaving her grieving sister to raise her niece.

Nightmare could be Annie Wire herself-- dead, kept in stasis, revived by Dark Matters technology, and then whisked away to the safe house.

Nightmare could be a clone of Sasha and/or Annie. Honestly, not digging this theory, but I might as well throw it out there.

Nightmare could herself be a Radical, not unlike the Ruby 7, who's taken on Sasha's appearance and stayed that way ever since (after all, Sasha would have been at just about the right age when she was recruited by Dark Matters)

From a narrative standpoint, I'm most fond of the idea of Nightmare either being Annie or Annie's daughter, personally. Because that's literally the second mystery we were given, and it was pointedly never solved. As much as I like the idea that some mysteries just aren't and you have to make peace with that, I'm a big fan of long games like this, and of tugging on threads from the beginning of a story when you're wrapping up the end. That's especially true for Sasha's arc closing here, back in Hyperion City. Sasha's voice was one of the very first that we heard in this series, and Sasha's trajectory has always been a funhouse mirror version of Juno's. She's always been an integral part of his story. It seems fitting that her story gets wrapped up alongside his.

[xerith-42]

The second turning point

@cinnamontoastcroonch I hope you're happy.

I've been taking a critical eye to every episode of Minecraft Diaries as I rewatch it. And I mean writing upwards of entire essays about single episodes. As you saw with episode 65. Part of why I've been doing this is to see where things truly went wrong with this show. The early episodes were better than I remembered, but I know for a fact there was an entire falling apart that happened between the utter quality that is an episode like say episode 58, and well... Season 3.

Obviously episode 65 was the turning point, but that was just the inciting incident. All the problems in MCD ultimately come down to the love triangle and how poorly it was handled. And the next major step was in episode 77. Episode 77 is an episode that is mostly spent on minimal character interactions at the wolf tribe after the gang finally gets back there with Logan and everyone else. Aphmau spends most of the episode building a boat, and then getting distracted from building her boat.

Until she decides to go check on the Nether Portal. It's broken, like when she last saw it, but Laurance is standing in front of it. I need to emphasize something. Up until this point, we've gotten very few conversations where Laurance brings up being a Shadow Knight. He usually diverts these conversations, or they get diverted by others, so we've gotten very few personal insights into a Shadow Knights existence. This is one of the first real times that we get a deeper look at how this condition has effected Laurance.

And y'know what? I'm just gonna give you a quote from my video essay on this. A nice little teaser. As a treat :)

His mind has sort of been rewired to put himself before others, even if he’s naturally a very selfless person. Which is a real slap in the face when you remember most Shadow Knights are guards, who are encouraged to be selfless. His heart still loves dearly and he is still the same selfless fool who threw his life away to save Aphmau, but his mind is telling him to be more selfish, take what he wants without regard for others. Laurance is actively fighting these thoughts all the time, but he worries that one day he might give in and… He says he never wants his heart to forget Aphmau, even if his mind tells him otherwise.

This. This hurts me. It's quality Laurance content. It's a great moment of Laurance proving one of his greatest strengths and weaknesses. How emotionally vulnerable he is. It makes him easy to hurt. It means he'll actually express it. He's struggled to talk about being a Shadow Knight, but now he's able to.

Imagine if episode 65 let him see the fear of killing Aphmau before this.

And just as Laurance says that absolutely heartbreaking line, GUESS WHO HAS TO MOSEY HIS SORRY ASS INTO THE ROOM?! Garroth just waltzs in there and interrupts this incredibly private conversation that he just happened to be listening to. Now, I will say, there is a way to justify this that I will accept, but I know without a doubt the writers didn't intend this.

The only way this works is if Garroth is listening to this conversation because he's scared of leaving Aph and Laurance alone in case Laurance decides to just... Kill her. But then he feels bad. But that would probably make him walk away out of guilt.

So yeah this doesn't make sense. For Garroth. At all. Why is he so scared of Laurance and Aphmau literally having one conversation? Well, it's the answer it always is. The love triangle. They've shown before that they are willing to disregard basic logic, only to prove that they know the details of this logic in a later episode. In Episode 65 they disregard Garroth's fears around his family, and then center an entire conversation around it in Episode 68.

But wait, it gets worse. Because Garroth knows for a fact that Aphmau and Laurance having an emotional conversation won't likely lead to any romance.

BECAUSE HE SAW LAURANCE CONFESS TO APHMAU 24 EPISODES AGO AND SAW HER REJECT HIM!!

There were seven weeks in between these episodes!! Idk how long it takes to make an episode of MCD, but I imagine episodes are written in major arcs at a time. How did they forget what happened IN THE LAST MAJOR ARC OF THE SHOW?! Because. Love triangle. Because Jesson don't care about the characters they previously wrote, they care about these characters fulfilling an already existing trope they liked in something before. They don't care how this dynamic might change because of their own characters, just that they go through the motions.

So Garroth interrupts this conversation. Laurance gets snippy and tells Garroth to fess up or else he might "sweep her off her feet first." And that's a red flag for Laurance. Good job writers. And let's be clear, I don't disagree with characters maybe being shitty, as long as it doesn't contradict previous characterization. Like this does.

The writers forgot that Garroth saw Laurance's confession. They forgot that Laurance took rejection on the chin. They forgot that Laurance literally said "I'm just happy to be in your life." Did they forget about Laurance's entire confession?! Do the writers think that went away when he stopped being blind?!

...

Oh fuck... Did... Did Laurance only accept rejection because he didn't think he was good enough to be with her when he was blind? Is that what they're trying to say? I... I really hope that isn't. And yet I wouldn't be surprised. Just completely and utterly disappointed.

That took a turn I didnt like. I don't know how to end this now.

[scoobydoodean]

5.07 is so touching from a Dean and Bobby perspective but also so funny and one doesn’t happen without the other. It opens with Dean updating Bobby on the case Bobby had directed them toward. Dean asks how Bobby’s doing and Bobby snaps at him. The next time they talk on the phone, purely talking about the case, Bobby again kind of takes his bad mood out on Dean, telling him to get off the phone and work. Dean brushes it off, knowing Bobby is in pain. But then Bobby shows up in Dean’s eye-line just in time for Dean to find out Bobby played Patrick at poker and lost, and Dean explodes. He calls Bobby an idiot and asks him what the hell he was thinking.

The rest of the episode, Bobby and Dean snark at each other and call each other idiots, mocking each other for complaining, and I think becoming old gives Dean the confidence to continue to engage with Bobby this way and facilitates an important one episode dynamic.

Instead of asking Bobby how he is and letting him snipe at him, old Dean refuses to take Bobby’s sniping and mocks him back… and I think this is exactly what Bobby wanted. He indicates several times in the episode that he isn’t open to a heart to heart, and it’s because it needs to be earned. Bobby’s in a dark place where he feels pathetic and useless (even though he’s been indispensable!) and even being asked how he is just reminds him of the pain he’s in and how much things have changed and how he isn’t the same. He’s a raw nerve and he IS emotionally delicate but he doesn’t WANT to feel that way and can’t stand being reminded that he does. So having Dean refuse to treat him that way—instead telling Bobby stuff like “You’re right. I’ve never been paralyzed. But I’ve been to hell and there’s an archangel there that wants me to drop the soap. My junk’s rustier than yours. You hear me bellyaching?” / “What were you thinking? He’s a witch! He’s been playing poker since guys wore tights!” / “Bobby’s an idiot, that’s what!” / “At least your legs are numb” / “Pound it up your ass, ironsides!” all treats Bobby as someone capable of handling that kind of banter (even banter that references his paralysis) instead of as someone fragile who needs to be handled in a fragile way.

And Bobby IS capable of handling that kind of banter! He gives as good as he gets and also gets to vent about his condition the entire episode simply through minimizing old Dean’s state and all his aches and pains. Yelling at old Dean to stop being a grandma and etc allows him to release so much internal resentment about how angry his own condition makes him without him feeling delicate and vulnerable in the process, because Dean is complaining too so it’s all in the context of a fight instead of a sharing and caring session. Dean is attacking back so they’re on equal footing and Bobby doesn’t feel babied! He feels strong, especially when Dean complains openly more than him and Bobby gets to snipe at him for it.

So then by the end of the episode, Dean is able to have a sincere conversation with Bobby about how much he matters to him without Bobby getting angry and shutting down because he receives it as pity. Dean is the guy who fucking told him “At least your legs are numb,” after Bobby told him to stop complaining about having to dig a grave by himself at the age of 80, and Dean’s going to keep calling him ironsides, so even though Bobby doesn’t stop hurting (we see his last look of sorrow at the end of the episode), by the end of the episode, he feels less raw due to Dean refusing to treat him that way.

[queenendless]

❤️‍🩹Lost in a Moment (AU!Adult!Gojo Satoru x Adult!Geto Suguru)❤️‍🩹

A/N: Listening to Lost In A Moment from Stray Gods the Role Playing Musical helped put me in an emotionally wrecked state.

Yet watching yesterday's new episode ... that topped it. 😢🤧

CW: DEFINITE ANIME SPOILERS; UP TO S2 E9 NOW! AND YEAH IMPLIED MANGA SPOILERS BUT NOT IN MUCH DETAIL! Angst, hurt/comfort, reincarnation into modern age AU with retained memories of canon lives, cliche corny cheesy sappy lovey dovey feels, and yes Imma make more for this AU with the rest of my JJK babies ... and put in some x Reader soon. When the next episode drops... cause God that's gonna be a ride. OF FEELS! 😭

Credit for JJK goes to Gege ... despite all the madness they've put our babies through!

* Please DON'T plagarize, translate, or repost my FANFIC content. Reblog, like, and follow instead.

More JJK content coming as daily as this season runs. I hope you enjoy.

So much blood shed.

So many lives lost.

Panic and disgust at all that carnage yet enjoyment enacting violence against those special grades.

Roughly a thousand transfigured heads rippled through the blood-soaked station, trapped in his Infinite Void, within two tenths of a second.

Then came the Prison Realm.

The cube swishing open to take its true form.

Its wrinkly red skin stretched out into an X, wires stretching out its shrunken warm colored eye dripping with blood.

His instincts screamed to turn tail and get away.

"Yo Satoru."

That waving, closed eye smile sent unsettling, too trusting tremors through him.

"Huh?"

"Long time no see."

A fake?

A transformation technique?

No … the Six Eyes burned it onto his brain.

It all came flowing into him.

Three years' worth of his youth.

Smiling at that face.

Eyes full of hope.

Taking a minute to unfold in his head.

Enough time for the Prison Realm to merge with him, jutting out of him, keeping him hanging and pinned.

"You shouldn't lose yourself in thought, in the midst of battle, Satoru."

I can't sense any cursed energy. I can't get my body to move, either. This is checkmate, huh?

"So, who the hell are you?"

"I'm Suguru Geto. Don't you remember me? How sad."

"Your body, your cursed energy … all the information provided by these eyes is telling me you're Suguru Geto. But … my soul is rejecting all that! Now answer me already! Who the hell are you!?"

"Creepy." Pulling on that near invisible thread. Lifting the top half of his head off. Revealing the mouthed alien brain; juices dripping down his face, his wide ass toothy smile pissing him off. "How could you tell?"

"That's my technique you see. I can pass from one body to another by replacing its brain with myself. Of course, I'm also able to use that technique etched into the body I inhabit. I really wanted this man's Curse Manipulation and this situation, too. You didn't have Shoko Ieiri handle the disposal of Suguru Geto's body that day, did you?"

He couldn't … he just couldn't bear it.

Watching his one and only best friend being buried … or even cremated … after all those years spent apart on opposite sides … his selfish grieving heart had to keep him.

Plopping that head cap back on, squelched noises were made, it all churned Gojo's guts.

"That was an odd time for you to show consideration. But thanks to that, I was able to obtain this body with ease."

Pulling the thread to hold its creped hold back in place.

"You needn't worry. I'll release your seal eventually. A hundred… no … maybe a thousand years from now? You're just too strong. And you're in the way of my plans."

"Hah! Have you forgotten? Who was it that beat the crap out of that body before I killed him?" His stubborn pride and confidence in his distant relative turned aspiring pupil knew no bounds.

"Yuta Okkotsu, huh? I just don't see as much appeal in that boy as you do. Copying techniques without any conditions, and a bottomless well of cursed energy … both of those were just effects obtained from binding the soul of his most beloved with a pact. Sorry to say this, but Yuta Okkotsu can never replace you."

False Geto …

No ….

Kenjaku.

Damn him.

"Goodnight, Satoru Gojo. We'll meet again in the new world."

His pleading hopes that his one great weakness – his greatest strength – would respond to his desperate cries to come back and end the madness were all dashed.

Betting all his hopes that Suguru was still in there somewhere, trying to break free like himself, and that someway, somehow, something blessed would arrive amiss all this cursed madness.

Yet, even as the instincts of keeping him safe ingrained in the overtaken body of his best friend surfaced just to choke his hijacked being, it was a lost cause.

Lost in the moments of the times he missed most of all.

Lost in the song of their laughter, their fights, their banter, when they could be kids and nothing else.

Being each other's strength.

Making up for what the other lacked.

Each other's missing piece.

And to have that cursed Kenjaku make him relive the hell of a life failing Suguru. Tainting his entire being. Not even in death could the suffering end for his lost and lonely other half; matching Gojo's inner suffering for over a decade long in a world without Geto.

The strongest one, the honored one, defeated by the greatest curse that is love.

Failing his moral compass, his one and only friend, who needed someone in his time of need when he fell apart over his struggling morals after witnessing the cruel truth of their world. Expected to protect those that don't deserve it. Losing those that are too pure for that horrific reality.

Unable to protect his students, allies, and friends from the onslaught of hell that came for them that bloody Halloween night.

Unable to resist the moment that monster greeted him in Suguru's voice.

Unable to save the one he loved most of all.

Three years spent trapped.

Trapped in isolating hell.

Swallowed whole in suffocating, soul crushing darkness.

The muffled voice of someone pulled him out of the murky pulls of deep slumber. The jostling shake in his being, the solid digging of fingers in his shoulders, the overwhelming heat shoving back the freezing sunken teeth of the nightmare.

The muffled sound became clear out in the open as the most familiar voice of all was yelling out his name desperately.

"Satoru!? Wake up! Come on, please!"

Rescuing him from that insufferable reality.

Awakening him in a new one.

Blinking his eyes up several times, heaving and catching his breath as he broke out into a sweat.

Non vibrant eyes darting all over as he took in everything. Late at night. The AC humming in the background. Streams of moonlight creeping in through the skinny gap of the curtains. Trickling along the hunched form of Geto over him in their shared bed, wearing a long-sleeved charcoal sleeping shirt, an all-knowing concern written all over his face.

"What was it this time?"

No stitched-up forehead.

No more lies.

Looking into those enriching, trusting eyes.

Gojo shakily breathed out, draping an arm over his eyes. "Me being sealed away."

It is him.

Really, truly, his Suguru.

Breathing.

Safe.

Free.

Gojo felt his walls collapsing.

His vulnerability surfacing.

"The price a do over gives us." Geto murmured somberly.

"Yeah." His throat constricted, his eyes watered up, gritting wrecked grunts left him as his hand enclosed in a shaking veiny fist. Trying to keep it all in, not wanting Suguru to see him falling apart over a bad dream. But the contents of said dream made him want to behold to hold Suguru and never let him go again.

Alarmed by panic, Geto leaned down immediately to lay right atop him, embracing his emotional love with his own tightening grip, shushing him insistently as his hand brushed through those lovely white locks. "It's okay. I'm here. We're both here."

Recollections of their past lives flaring up in dreams is but one of the few downsides to reincarnation in this new modern age. But shouldering that burden with another makes it less of a struggle.

"This better not be a dream." Gojo lifted his arm, revealing the pain flashing in those emotionally teary blue eyes which tore at Geto's heartstrings. "Or I swear to God," Gojo sobbingly hiccupped as he clawed at Geto's clothed back, distraught battling relief within himself as his face nuzzled into Geto's strong neck.

"It's real. All of it. And this." Geto's tender, warm firm lips pressing to his cheek felt too good to be true. "I'm real, Satoru. As are you."

Breathing in Suguru's scent to calm his irrational state of mind, easing down just hearing his name spoken in that cozy voice from the genuine article. "This is real." Whispering that mantra over and over slowly kept Gojo grounded in the here and now as it did with Geto.

Gojo's next words struck a chord within them both. "I … I'm sorry Suguru."

"What?" Geto pulled back enough to look into those normal yet breathtaking blue eyes.

"For everything. For ignoring your pain all those years. For not letting you go when I … I killed you. If it weren't for me, that bastard wouldn't have taken it over and everyone … everything … wouldn't have turned out so wrong. I ... I was never the same without you." Gojo's voice cracked, braving himself to look him right in the eye even in this harried sorry state, when a gentle peck to his lips halted his words.

Geto's almond eyes narrowed as they became murky with lament. "Don't blame yourself. I'm … sorry too. For leaving you. For not divulging all my troubles to you. I just … the weight of the world was already on your shoulders. I believed I alone could find a solution to my problems … and that of our world … even if it meant becoming the worst curse user of our age. Yet after all that time …" His smile had Gojo at a loss of breath as Geto's other hand cradled his tear-stained cheek, rubbing calming circles with his thumb. "You still trusted me to the very end. After all the damage I had caused. After I hurt you … envying your power over seeing you for the person I always knew you to be deep down inside." Geto shut his eyes, letting his own tears trail down freely, sparking from the sliver of moon beams hitting them, mesmerizing Gojo.

To him, Geto Suguru never looked more radiant.

Gojo dug his fingers in Geto's back to pull himself up enough for their faces to be a mere inch or so apart, wiping away his tears in kind. "We've both suffered. All of us did. Doomed in that world from the start. Trying to change it all our own way. Prepared to lay our lives down for that dream. And yet, here we are."

Geto chuckled in wry amusement, resting his forehead against Gojo's. "The irony of it all."

Both ready to welcome death when their times came. On the same day. Their anniversary. Only to reawaken in a whole new world, one with no cursed energy at all. No cursed spirits, no sorcerers, nothing. With everyone else coming along for the ride. And all the memories attained from their past lives. Whatever higher power intervened to bring it all to fruition, neither knew at the time whether to be thankful or resentful.

And yet … finding their grown-up selves seeing each other again in the flesh … instinctually running to each other, collapsing in each other's arms, heart ruled over reason ever since.

Such as now.

Sitting up on their legs and calves, their embrace was as cathartic as the first one shared in the pure light of a new venture. Looking into each other's eyes, the sparks of hope reigniting.

"I forgive you, Satoru." Geto gently rubbed his nose against Gojo's.

"I forgive you too, Suguru … my one and only." Gojo's endearing grin had Geto laughing softly.

"Same old Satoru."

"Of course. It's still me, after all." That cheeky smirk says it all.

"How I have missed that sight …" Geto's gaze gleamed with amour that made Gojo's heart soar. "We have a second chance. We all do."

"Let's not waste it, then." Gojo's sculpted strong hand weaved through those silky raven locks, cradling the back of Geto's head. "I'm willing to fight for this life if you are. Nightmares, memories, and all." The conviction rose to meet his newfound dream.

"I'm not going anywhere. If I must live again, I'd rather live a long life worth living … as long as it's with you." Geto's own firm resolve gave him the urge to just come out and say it.

"We are the strongest duo, after all~!"

Geto's free hand playfully wacked Gojo's white long-sleeved shoulder, chortling, "Idiot."

"You love it, though." That drawn out kiss lingered between them as their half-lidded eyes stayed connected. "Admit it."

"I do." Geto's warm breath made Gojo want to kiss him again, longer, deeper, relishing his taste.

Drowning in the overwhelming pleasure as he pulled Geto even closer by the head, wrapping an arm around his body, meshing perfectly together.

As their tongues battled for dominance, Geto pushed Gojo to lay fully down in their big welcoming bed, laying down atop him once more, parting their panting mouths, connected by a line of their saliva, burning puffs hitting each other's mouths. "I love you, Gojo Satoru. All of you."

His soul told it to be true.

"And I love you Geto Suguru … I always have. In our old life… in this one …. if it's with you, that's the only place I want to be."

"So sappy. Even for you." Geto teased.

"Hey, you're stuck with me for life. Deal with it." Gojo stuck his tongue out, feigning annoyance.

"Like I have any other choice," Geto sighed, resigning to his fate, but his smitten grin displayed how fine he is to it all. The loud yawn released from his taller lover had him cup his cheeks to give a goodnight smooch, moving to lay on his side, cozying up to Gojo. "Good dreams should await you now."

"Having you here with me is a dream come true~" Gojo purred, intertwining their legs together as he wrapped his arms around Geto's shoulders.

Geto rolled his eyes, exasperated. "God the corniness."

Gojo laughed mirthfully before kissing Geto repeatedly, speaking in between the breaks. "I mean it. I do."

Wrapping his own arms around him, Geto could relax completely knowing his dear Satoru was so happy. Thanks to him. Because of him. Return those kisses in kind, humming at how good it felt. "Well, I do too."

Embracing each other under the sheets, lulled by each other's warmth, their even breathing and synchronized heartbeats became the telltale signs that they both fell fast asleep.

The catharsis was profound.

For that night would be followed by many others.

Where dreams come to fruition.

When living peacefully was possible.

Waking up to the early morning sunrise and seeing themselves in each other's arms brought sleepy smiles to their faces, kissing soundly before snuggling even closer to each other, falling straight back to dreamland.

Lost in a moment.

Lost in a song.

Their moment.

Their song.

Of a new beginning.

Together.

[belles1011]

Notes from Off Track (The Gross One)

- Starts with a rare Thim content warning: James learned more about his accident in this episode and it gets pretty gory. (I won’t post anything explicit on this lil review but if you want to know if it’s something you would be able to handle, feel free to DM me and I can summarise ❤️)

- Alex had a case of “the Mondays” with his face apparently

- James, Becky and Thim hung out (Becky and Thim are involved in making a film together) and had Mexican food and went for karaoke - Thim did a 7 minute song (The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald I think) and left in the middle of it (as did James and Becky whilst he was still on stage because he had too many friends)

- It’s coming up to 10 years since James’ accident and he was filming some stuff at the speedway last Friday and one of the guys from the safety team was there that day so he learned some new stuff about his accident (as I said - won’t discuss it here)

- Alex admitted to being a little queasy during the discussion, yet James cackled hysterically at certain points but mostly we’re glad he’s still here 🥹

- James can’t twerk and his bum isn’t the same on both sides, so apparently him and Alex are going to learn how to do this

- Kentucky!! They did a roadtrip in an EV, but obvs Alex is very emotionally invested in castle run and he didn’t do as well as they would have hoped, but they still had a good time

- Alex has also been playing golf (they’re all obsessed wtf) and flew to Charlotte on Monday for some sim time

- They discussed people getting married and having babies, and Alex said Conor is probably the last wedding he will go to - then they agreed on Colton, but said that might happen before Conor anyway

- James was sad that means wedding Josef Newgarden has less chances to appear in his life - and Alex said that hasn’t happened in the last 3+ years anyway (Ashley was at Alex’s wedding but not Josef who iirc was driving in IMSA or something that weekend) - then they agreed that the wedding Newgardens were not as prevalent in recent years. Sad for everyone.

- Decided they should make an annual party that’s a Wedding-style event without all the boring bits for their group of friends with a fake bachelor party and a fake wedding and rotate through the bachelor parties they all went on for theirs

- Alex and James have a new business plan that they hashed out on their roadtrip and said they would tell us soon

- They recorded Monday so before the thermal test but I’m sure there will be details next week

- James is going to Vegas and complained about the schedule. Thim and Alex are hanging out in Indy this weekend, but Becky is not going to vegas so who knows if Thim will go in her place (genuinely idk if they were joking)

[ncisfranchise-source]

Mike Franks (Kyle Schmid) is going to go through it when an old case rears its head again.

In the November 4 episode of NCIS: Origins, with the countdown on to an execution, Franks races to extricate the location of a missing body from a death row inmate and honor a promise he made to the victim’s sister before time runs out. Below, Schmid previews how that goes, talks about playing Franks, teases what’s to come with that file from the premiere, and more.

Obviously we had a sense of who Mike Franks is based on what we know from the original series. But what’s surprising you the most as you’re getting to know him as he was back then?

Kyle Schmid: That’s interesting because I’m getting to know him through our writing. I���m getting to know him on a daily basis because I am him. I’m becoming him. So that’s kind of a cool question because I’ll tell you one of the best parts about working on this show as somebody who’s been in the industry for 30 years is once a week I get an email with our new script and I have no idea what it’s going to be. And it is such an exciting moment to go, this is it. This is what I’m going to be doing next week. It’s nerve-wracking because you just hope it’s good. And then you got a little bit of the ego going and you’re like, I hope I’m in a lot of it.

Then the most important thing is, how are they going to write my character and how am I going to bring it to life? And with [showrunners] David [J. North] and Gina [Lucita Monreal], I am never short of blown away by the integrity of the writing and the voices of these characters. And every week, I end up sending them a text message or an email thanking them for the dialogue and the character and the writing. It’s such an amazing thing to be able to do because they challenge me on a regular basis.

Sonja Flemming/CBS

And we get to meet this character that’s been grandfathered into this origin series because of his relationship with Gibbs [Austin Stowell]. And we get to see how he became and why he is this gruff character that Gibbs looks up to so much and no pressure or anything. [Laughs] But our writers hand me these scenes that are just so well-written and so thoughtful. And then the voice of Franks, I think, rings true to me so much that I get to put on my boots every day and go to work and do what I love and become this man who has a heart that’s as big as this world, who loves his family, his NIS ragtag team of misfits that he’d die for, and go to work with them. And that’s kind of how I feel when I get to go to work at the studio. I love my actors and I love my team, and I get to go to work with a smile on my face every day.

This next episode is a highly stressful one for Franks. Preview this case and how he’s going to be handling it. It gives us a taste of what he was like even before we’re seeing him now.

Yeah, so, Franks says in the episode, “Rookie mistake, making a promise like that.” Promising somebody closure, promising somebody that you can relieve their emotional pain when it comes to loss, such as what [the victim’s sister] is trying to digest in this episode, I mean, what an impossible thing to give anybody. And yet, because Franks wears his heart on his sleeve and becomes so emotionally connected to trying to hold up his end of the bargain, it tears him apart. He takes on the emotional responsibility of something that is impossible. And so he slowly unravels in this episode when he’s given a second shot at righting this wrong, at fulfilling this promise that he was unable to years beforehand.

I think there’s something so admirable about the emotion that he takes on, the fact that he truly takes responsibility for his words and that promise and the fact that it eats him up. I think there’s something valuable in the type of person that takes responsibility and feels the guilt for their actions. And I think that’s a wonderful trait of Franks’. And so we get to see him, through this episode, unravel and feel all the pain that her sister feels and the ups and downs. I mean, what a crazy episode. When they handed it to me, going back to that, I remember calling David and Gina and just almost being in tears because I was just so excited to bring this to life. And it also made me fall in love with Franks.

Sonja Flemming/CBS

The season began with that introduction of this mystery with Franks, the file, and Vera (Diany Rodriguez). What can you say about that? It kind of highlights Franks and Vera’s relationship because we see the tension there—especially in this coming episode—but he trusts her, and that file plays into that.

He trusts her. [Laughs] This is such a loaded question because everything with Franks hits the heart, and I think that’s what the audience relates to the most with his character. That file has the ability to empower Franks and absolutely destroy him. And it is a very dangerous tool in this show. So what comes in that file is something that I personally as an actor and as Franks am very eager to see what happens with it.

I heard you’re planning to participate in Movember. Why is that important to you?

I’m heading a campaign called Men for Mental. So men for mental change, men for understanding the psychological kind of hardships of life and hoping that we can make that conversation a much more common conversation had between men, trying to eliminate the stigma around men’s mental health. And ideally, I wanted—it’s okay not to be okay. Most people aren’t okay all the time. And I’ve lost friends to mental health. I’ve lost friends to suicide. I live in an industry where so many people are celebrated for wearing their hearts on their sleeve, but that also invites a vulnerability and into our lives that is often unsustainable. We live our lives through a microscope. I also lost my mother in November of last year.

I’m so sorry.

Thank you. But through that experience, I also recognized that I believe she’s in a better place. And I saw how it affected my family. I recognize how it affected me, and I understand how it feels to shoulder so much emotion and be surrounded by loved ones, but also understand how it feels to be alone at the same time. And so I’ve started having conversations with friends in the industry who have just opened up, and we start having these conversations and I say, just give me 15 minutes of your time so we can just talk about it. Every conversation’s been an hour long. Every conversation just turns into this opportunity to talk openly about life and the opportunity to shed the stigma and put on this kind of courageous, brave jacket and talk about things honestly. And I think it’s been overwhelmingly rewarding to just be able to take the opportunity to talk to friends and then hopefully people can see these videos and turn to their loved ones or turn to their brother or turn to their friend and go, how are you really though? You good? That’s okay. It’s all right, man. You’re not alone. So it’s very important to me.

And it was also important to me to take the opportunity to—When I wasn’t on a show and I’ve had these giant kind of waves through my career, and I always said, when I’m on a show, I’m going to do something to make a difference. And then you’re on a show and all of a sudden you’re working 15 hours a day and you’re trying to juggle—I just had a little girl and I’ve got a family and responsibilities and it’s so easy to blink and life passes you by. And I didn’t want to let that happen again. I think Movember was a great partner with this. I think Mike Franks will have one of the most iconic mustaches on television this year and hopefully many years coming. And I thought this was a great opportunity to team up with Movember.

Gillette jumped on board and donated 10 grand for us right out the gate because they believed in our cause. And we’ve got [a bunch of] people. And just word of mouth, this went from being four interviews to 15 in three days, and there’s an excitement to talking about something that I think actually makes a difference.

[princess-of-the-corner]

, https://www.tumblr.com/princess-of-the-corner/754856715983421440/chloe-is-the-mlb-version-of-rwbys-weiss-except?source=share

While I get the comparison it also doesn't really work.

Weiss is, like all the major characters, a subversion of the archetype she's introduced to the audience with.

IE, Weiss is the "Ice queen", cold, aloof, haughty, from a powerful family in a place that doesn't encourage emotions, with a very pale color pallet and such. Plus a bit of tsundere for a spice, who wishes to live up to the incredibly high expectations of her name an social rank.

That's the archetype. I'm sure you can pick that which is familiar trope wise out.

Weiss the actual character on the other is very different.

For one she does not give two flying shits about her cold and emotionally abusive father, she expressly went to college on another continent to get out of his influence & wants to undo the ruination his corruption brought to her idea of the Schnee family's honor. Something explicitly endorsed by her older sister.

Secondly her tsundere and cold aspects are very much a mixture of trauma responses and cultural conditioning. Both f which ease right the hell off once she's in a safe environment with people she trusts. She can still be a bit regal sounding but she's actually one of the overall gentler characters, whose irritation manifest more in a "Done with this" vibe than anger.

Thirdly she didn't really require a redemption arc, not exactly.

I have a whole essay the subject of redemption arcs elsewhere but broadly speaking one needs todo like, a notable amount wrong and go through a fairly heavy degree of change for something to be an arc.

Weiss was one of the heroes right from the start, she was just temperamental and prideful but again once in a none toxic environment was able to scale that back relatively easily. Her other notable issue was defaulting to derogatory language in regards to Faunus she expressly associated with crimes.

However, this was not something she did in regards to Faunus in general. & its also made clear from the framing that the only time during the episodes dealing with this. That we were meant to be sympathetic to her was when she tethered her anger at the White Fang (Who represent criminal Faunus in her brain cos she grew up very isolated from regular people) which can spill over into other 'rule/law breaking' Faunus is specifically rooted in how much her father fury and anger impacted her as a child.

IE, she was working around those negative feelings by pushing them onto a socially acceptable scapegoat so her father could just be like, a scummy businessman and not someone who scared or hurt her. This is especially obvious seeing as Weiss references his anger from when she was a small child, despite the fact the very next episode establishes that the White Fang had only been committing crimes/evolutionary actions for five years. Meaning the anger she saw as a child was just him being pissed off about human rights protests and taking it out on those around him.

But regardless, while rather, clumsily handled at the time, in large part cos of a show string budget and like 9 minute episodes during the first volume. She was able to resolve her main conflict with Blake and broadly chill out on the subject before the first volume wrapped up and barring some untoward language in one conversation had never done anything that'd require like, an arc, is my point,

Beyond that, om other area they are very distinct characters in is that Chloe was taught or learned from example to imitate her parents, cheating, cruel words and all.

Weiss very expressly modelled herself after her grander, even weaving bright reds into the interior of her white clothes as that color was tied to Nicholas (Yes Saint Nick) Who was comparatively extremely noble type. So she was a stickler for rules and intensely workaholic about it.

Basically, barring being rich and having shitty parents whose abuse or neglect led to them being a varying degrees of sharp with people there's not much to compare I feel.

Also the parental dynamics are very different, but that's a whole other post.

I do think Weiss's personal experience and wisdom gained across the series would make her an ideal person to easily handle Chloe at her more prickly though.

Fascinating.

[siromany]

Maybe Jin Kusanagi for the ask meme (if you’re still doing them)?

Okay so try very hard not to imagine a rantsona while scream about this, it's gonna be long dfgkfkghfghgffjghj

Why I like them/why I don’t

Okay so I have a very complicated relationship with Vrains, and to me it has many a sins, and one that drives me insane is Jin. I'm gonna be real right now, he's not a character. He is at best a plot point, but he's given ZERO agency. He's been here since season 1 and it drives me nuts just how like he's treated by the series. He's mainly just a motivation for Kusanagi and Yusaku at that point of the story, where the only on screen moments we get of him are flashes of him in emotional coma sitting in the corner of the room. Watching this series as it came it probably has also influenced my ire with this whole thing bc I had been hoping when season 2 came out, he'd be an incorporated character since it was seemed slowly we were getting more access to the lost incident kids. First episode of season 2. Less than five minutes IF NOT THREE of screen-time. He has no dialogue lines. FRIDGED AGAIN. I just kind of took it at the time bc I had been hoping maybe some time later in the season he'd be like, more there! However the next time we get to see him they made him literally just walking furniture. You could replace him with a coat rack and it would make no difference. He is ONCE AGAIN a goal and NOT a character!!! He's not even mentally present for those appearances either it's just a display of him, so playing the angle emotional torture for the characters is just one-sided. I do gotta say tho when Lightning brings him out during his and Ryoken's duel it's kind of a cruel hilarity of the concept of like, imagine you got coma'd by a funky light being, and now you're awake again seeing people argue whether or not to kill you. It's fucked!!! Honestly I liked that part but the hindsight of his character treatment makes it more fucked up in not the fun way. Often times when ranting about him to my friends who listen to me talk about yugioh, I comment on how Jin basically gets the same done dirty treatment as many girl yugioh characters. Diversity win!!! Even the guy gets fridged!!! None of them deserve that. I think honestly for me tho one of the biggest last straws was that they like, gave him a fucking digital lobotomy!!! "Sorry we broke this guy so bad we gotta hard reset him because writing some sort of recovery would be too hard." THERE IS SO MANY. TERRIBLE LONG TERM IMPLICATIONS OF DELETING THAT MEMORY. It really opens up way too many tragic doors than closes them!!! He was the most mentally affected of the six of them, even if the primary event is gone he still spent ten years suffering mentally and emotionally! Now he has that with no core memory attached as to why he was like that! If that part was deleted too then wouldn't the gap of time in his memories be fucking distressing??? Also the fact that even if he can't remember it, Kusanagi has to live the knowledge and memories of everything that went down and now he can't even open up to him about how he felt and what he was going through! Jin is just done so dirty in this series, and I feel so so bitter about him. I was really hoping he would be able to be a proper character bc I really like his design and season 1's handling of trauma was done pretty well, and I was excited for how they were going to handle his! I am booboo the fool. Also side note but literally like the Japanese VA for him literally gets more dialogue lines as THE OTHER SIDE CHARACTERS HE PLAYS than he does Jin!!!

What I like about their appearance

I love his emo bangs and I will forever be salty they took it from him in the end. Also I think one can enjoy his dead eye'd stare (very evocative of Bruno to me) He's got the depression sweats, but I would prefer if he wore socks or something but I think he gets a pass for what he went through. I think his Lightning faction outfit is kind of cool, he gets priest-y wizard robes, but I cannot genuinely enjoy that version of him.

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?

His last name will always be Kusanagi to me

OTP

There is just not enough in canon to make me even wanna approach that topic (the AU is a completely different territory tho)

NOTP

DO NOT SHIP HIM WITH HIS BROTHER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

OT3

same reason as OTP

Favourite card they use

I'm actually not that big fan of the Armatos Legio deck alas

Favourite moment they were in

Every moment he is on screen I am filled with pain and anger and the desire of what could have been. Actually it's Lightning sitting on his shoulder shit talking the duels happening to him while he's just got that dead stare. They could have been the bitchiest duo in another life honestly.

Least favourite moment

The digital lobotomy. Hindsight moment is probs when he's the censored avatar HE'S THERE HE'S RIGHT THERE ORUGHRGHRHGHRGHGRHHHHH honestly it would have been fucking funny if they slapped the filter back on him after the reveal it makes no difference. Actually you know what the lifting of the collar over his mouth to signify him losing even less (of what little) agency he has left kind of just serves as that anyway.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Hot Zone, Pt. 2

For most of the episode, Sheppard and McKay are not in the same place. But we keep transitioning from one to the other to see how they are working in parallel. It's very interesting, how they seem to be emotionally and mentally resonating even though they are at a distance and not interacting with one another.

Like Sheppard, McKay seems to be growing more agitated as more members of his team die from what seems to be a virus escaped from an Ancient viral lab devastated by storm damage. He continues exhibiting exemplary and responsible leadership which also includes feeling responsible for their deaths.

Peterson, one of the other scientists, freaks out and takes off (also, his irrational and emotional reaction to the events seems to mirror both McKay and Sheppard in this episode). Sheppard thinks that he should be doing something about it and McKay seems to think the same thing. McKay doesn't mention Sheppard by name, but can only mean him:

McKay: You need to send someone to stop him. Weir: It's under control, Rodney. McKay: No, Elizabeth, it's not under control. He knows almost as much about Ancient technology as I do! At the very most, what you're doing will just slow him down.

McKay does not think that Weir and her security team can handle the situation.

But it isn't merely current events that are bothering Rodney and contributing to this growing agitation. McKay and Beckett have the following exchange:

Beckett: Well, you seem perfectly fine. McKay: Well, Dumais seemed fine, right up to the point where she wasn't. --- Stop trying to convince me I'm fine, Carson. I think we all know better. Beckett: I was just trying to... McKay: Are we done here? Beckett: Yes.

It's not that he's feeling helpless being unable to fix this and save the people that he considers his responsibility. It's that being unable to stop these scientists from dying reminds him of what happened to Abrams, and especially to Brendan Gaul in the previous episode. Brendan seemed fine, until he wasn't. And McKay has not had the chance to deal with that.

In fact, his preoccupation with other things (Sheppard, fixing the storm damage, doing math puzzles, what ever you like), has kept him from having to deal with the loss of a friend and a colleague, and that's exactly how he usually copes. Sheppard even made sure at the end of The Defiant One (S01E12) that McKay had enough to occupy his time with to take his mind off what ever he thinks or suspects happened in the hive that McKay very obviously didn't want to talk about (and Sheppard obviously didn't ask because he's not good at talking about things like that, either). It is against this backdrop that McKay seems to be getting increasingly agitated, and causes him to make decisions that are both emotional and irrational.

Meanwhile, it is getting more and more difficult for Sheppard to stay put. Teyla and Sheppard sit on the windowsill and I want to point out the respectful distance between them. At the end of the previous episode, this man was in the company of the only other living thing on a deserted planet and when they were in each other's company, there were barely inches between them when they were furthest away from one another. These two are sitting on the only bench in an empty room. And Sheppard isn't even communicating with her here, he's on call to Weir.

He's talking to Weir and sitting next to Teyla, and somehow he's still closer to McKay even though we have not seen them interact once in this episode yet.

Sheppard's desire to get out there and do something causes a fracture in his relationship with Weir. This is not the first time they've come to a head, the military and civilian leadership of the expedition. Yes, in the previous episode we saw him snap at McKay ("I don't have time to argue about this!"), and while he wasn't able to raise his voice in 38 Minutes (S01E04), he was being snappish ("Don't talk to me about screwed!"). But he has not been unfriendly toward him. I wrote about their first 'quarrel' in the previous episode but the thing is, Sheppard was never angry at McKay, he was trying to either protect Rodney or to get him to focus, to calm him down.

His clashes with Weir have been very different. They're ideological, philosophic. They had a disagreement about the Hoffan experiment, they clashed over the Genii nukes. When Teyla was suspected to be a spy, he yelled "Open the damned gate!" at her in a very disrespectful manner. In Home (S01E09), they both tried to manipulate the other person to leave the galaxy. In the previous episode, he lied to her to get to do things his way.

Sheppard and Weir are fundamentally at odds due to the lack of a proper chain of command, and it's only because they both care so much about Atlantis that they try so hard to work together as though this concern over authority didn't loom in the background the whole time. And here, it comes to a head.

Weir has decided that they are dealing with a medical situation (although no viral agent has yet been identified), giving her the highest authority. Sheppard disagrees and discards her decision, heading out. Weir orders Grodin, a civilian under her command, to lock them in the gym. Weir and Sheppard have the following exchange:

Sheppard: What the hell is this? Weir: You said so yourself -- you are the ranking military officer. I can't chance you getting infected. Sheppard: I can't chance you getting infected!

Now, again, your average Joe Viewer might interpret this as Sheppard's concern for Weir being the driving factor here, being his main motivation for disobeying Weir, doing it for her own good. Like he can't deal with the possibility that Peterson might spread the infection to the control room where Weir is, and hence he has to get out and take care of the threat before it reaches her. That's what he says, right? He can't chance her getting infected.

Only, his tone, again, tells a different story. The way he says "I can't chance you getting infected!" is like a school yard taunt, "I know you are but what am I!" It's not an argument, it's not a statement, it's not an explanation. It's something he says reflexively because he's done trying to convince, cajole, manipulate, charm, or try any other trick to get her to let him do what he has to do. He's done arguing, so he just throws her argument back in her face. His need to get out of the gym has nothing to do with her.

Sheppard orders Bates, a member of the military, to let him out. He gives Bates a direct order that, although he does not seem to want to obey, he is forced to obey or face court martial. Weir is deeply unnerved by this, a complete dismissal of her authority and leadership.

Teyla suggests later that they are at luggerheads because they are so similar: believing that they know better than everyone else. Maybe they are. But Sheppard's motivation here was not to exert authority, not to prove anyone that he was right, not to do his duty, not to play the hero, not even to simply do his job. His decision was not a strategic one, it was emotional. It was irrational.

The motivation for his behaviour seems to be McKay (he even tells Weir "We don't have time for this!" which is what he said the last time he had a Rodney to protect). We can see this in how earlier, Sheppard asked Weir to keep him in the loop, keep him informed and appraised of the situation. We never hear the beginning of their discussion, jumping in the middle of it:

Sheppard: Someone has to do something! Weir: We are doing something. Grodin's working on a plan to limit the door controls... Sheppard: That's not good enough! Someone has to go out there and stop him. ... Peterson obviously isn't thinking straight and he's endangering the entire population of the city!

This parallels Weir's earlier discussion with McKay. It seems like Weir has been relaying the instructions they received from McKay to Sheppard, to keep him informed. Both McKay and Sheppard mention "someone":

McKay: You need to send someone [Sheppard] to stop him.

Sheppard: Someone [me] has to go out there and stop him.

It is obvious that Weir and Sheppard are discussing Peterson here, which is precisely what McKay told her to take care of. But while McKay and Sheppard are clearly both thinking about the same thing here, their concerns are different. McKay is concerned that Peterson is endangering the whole city, and hence Sheppard in it. Sheppard is concerned that he won't be able to do anything to help Rodney in this situation, and this is why he is dead set on doing the one thing he can do; to make sure that the thing Rodney needed to get done gets done. Even when Sheppard tells Weir "Elizabeth, he's heading right for you!" he's arguing for why he needs to be able to do what Rodney told them to do. We have already seen that Sheppard is willing to do pretty much anything Rodney McKay asks of him, without question. We have seen this multiple times.

McKay isn't asking directly here, but it is an ask made by McKay, and Sheppard knows this. It's an ask made by McKay, who knew how to build an A-bomb when he was high school, it's an ask made by McKay who could save the city by harnessing the power of lightning, it's an ask made by McKay that just recently saved his life, again. That's why he needs to get out of the gym.

Continued in Pt. 3

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Friday all. Posting a day early. I'll be gone this weekend wanted to post this before left. I pre-wrote 3x05 as well. I return Monday night So all I'll have to do next day is edit and add gifs to stay on schedule for Tues :) We are onto the next ep of Tim’s growth. I love writing about this man and the psychology behind him. To watch him develop and grow is one of my favorites things to write about and watch really. Lucy being his good influence for that growth is perfection. This is a damn good ep. Let’s keep it rolling.

3x04 Sabotage

Grey has assigned Tim and Lucy to be Jackson’s backup with Stanton. Love this btw and it's a smart play. If Stanton gives him grief they’ll be there as witnesses. Grey has them assigned to the same sector as Jackson/Doug. They hear a pedestrian stop come over the radio by Stanton. Lucy tells Tim let’s go. Her anxiety rising up. Tim calmly replies not yet. If they do Doug will realize they’re following him. I love them getting to do this together. Tim with new clarity and focus on Stanton.

Beautiful thing is he can help keep Lucy even keel. Something he is very good at. He needs to be the level head for them both. Lucy’s emotions are going to get best of her. Because her base need is to protect Jackson first. Doug be damned. Tim wants to protect them both so he’s going to be the calmer more rational one during this. I love it. Exactly what both Lucy and Jackson need. Tim’s calm leadership and cool head on their side during all this.

(I can't believe this scene isn't gif'd btw it's so good. I did my quick ones with my phone/website.)Luckily it’s a clean stop and Jackson calls it in as Code 4 all clear. We pan back to them in their shop. Lucy telling Tim it isn’t fair Jackson has to deal with this. Tim agrees and says he can’t imagine what it’s like for him. To have to ride next to a guy who’s on the edge constantly. Ready to cross the line. Lucy makes a little joke and says she can...

I mean early Tim was exactly that. Not Doug obviously but on the edge of crossing the line a lot. A time bomb ready to explode at the smallest provocation. Very early in her career she had to rein in an emotionally damaged Tim. He was in the midst of his Isabel trauma and radioactive. I know he isn’t proud of those days especially now. That he knows how lucky he was Lucy was there to stand up to him. Right his ship. Knock some sense back into him. So he didn’t end up self destructing and taking her with him.

It’s why they’re so damn solid though. Those early episodes built what they have now. As rough as they were for them both. It bonded them in a way no one can touch or understand other than them really. Lucy proving she had the backbone. Not only that but to stand up to him and make the right call when he wasn’t able to. To be that positive light and good influence that has changed him into the man he is now. What I think really sets Tim off in this scene isn’t that as much. It's part of it but not the main factor. It’s her calling him her potential Doug.

It's triggering something deep down for him. Making him face what he did on day one. I think with the clarity he has now its a tough pill to swallow. The POV and ways he’s changed himself since then he’s embarrassed to think about that now. Ashamed of that moment. That he did that bad stop, used those men in a negative light and said his non PC words. I think looking back on that he is remorseful and feels shame that he did that. He hasn't really had to face that till now.

The feelings are flooding him and he doesn't know how to handle it. When you've changed like Tim has to look back on your darker moments isn't easy. He is having a visceral reaction to it and I don't blame him. Its normal to have that reaction. What's important is what he does after this scene. After the initial shock of having to re-face it.

Lucy telling him her honest thoughts about how she felt during it only makes that worse. As much as it hurts he needed to hear this to complete his growth. I think Lucy telling him it wasn’t a good stop, wasn’t a good experience for her or those men is hitting him hard. He feels exposed and that he’s let her down. Because he has grown so much it pains him to think about how he acted. To think in that moment he disappointed her. That didn't matter back then but it sure as hell does now and that absolutely kills him.

It goes back to his insecurity about how Lucy views him. No matter what this man says her opinion of him matters a great deal to him. So to bring up one of his most shameful moments feels like an attack on that insecurity. So what does he do? Lashes out. Become defensive. Tries to defend it because if he can find a modicum of logic in what he did it’ll lessen the damage. It'll minimize her thinking less of him during that stop. He is grasping as straws during that defense. Defaults a bit back to how he used to be. When he couldn't handle his emotions. When he was a live wire flailing about with no one around to ground him.

It's a deep rooted thing he innately goes back to. Like I said before they are deep groves in his brain. He can't handle the emotions coming at him right now so he shuts down. Lucy can see she has upset him deeply by bringing this up. The way he cuts off the convo, The pre frustrated tears in his eyes, and how stiff his body language has become. Tells her he won’t talk about this further. She has hit a nerve inside him and he needs time to recoup. I think Lucy regrets bringing it up a little. She never likes to be the source of upsetting him. It produces a lovely scene later but she knows she’s hurt him.

We catch our beautiful duo walking up to a call afterwards. Lucy wants to test out the waters with him. Asking if he’s still mad at her? Tim the master of deflection says ‘I’m not mad.’ Ok honey.....Lucy doesn’t buy that for a second. I mean look at his posture he’s as stiff as a board. Tells him as such cause she can’t stand him being mad. Especially if she’s the one who caused it.

Before they can talk any further they reach the woman who made the call. Talking about a porch pirate. Tim says they’re going to do some foot patrol. See if any of the neighbors have a camera they can tap into. As they walk away Lucy looks up at him willing him to talk to her. He breaks pretty easily. Tells her he’s not mad but he is upset. Lucy with a knowing wifey smile says ‘I knew it.’ He continues on with a reply she wasn't expecting. Telling her he's not upset with her but himself. *heart clutch*

Then we see the fruit of his arc the last couple episodes in the gif above. Letting her know she was right. That he had carelessly used those gardeners without thinking of his impact on them. He owns what he did and says he can’t undo what was done. But he can make sure it never happens again. Ugh this man. I’m so proud of him. I could cry. Not only seeing he was wrong but accepting it. Saying he’ll work towards never letting it happen again.

My damn heart. The growth in this man. S1 Tim would've held onto his anger all day. Would've been short with Lucy for most of their shift. Until she forced him to confront his anger. So much progress these two. It makes me so happy. I also need to commend the hell out of Lucy. Always having the backbone to say what needs to be said to him. No one could ever have the impact she has had on him. The positive influence she’s injected into his veins and life. Damn I love them.

Lucy is beaming when he is done speaking. You can see how proud she is of him. Telling him what progress he’s made. Let’s not forget the way she touches his arm. Says she’s proud of him when she does this. You don’t have to touch him Lucy hehe but seriously touch him more LOL Her little taps of love and affection for him. I adore them so much. He tries to down play how much relief this gives him. Sarcastic in his reply. ‘I’m thrilled....’ Lying Liar who Lies.

That man is biting back a smile when he says this. Can’t even keep eye contact with her for long. Because if he does he’ll break. She will see how much it actually means to him. That her opinion of him means so much more to him than she realizes. Lucy closes out the scene with heart eye city. Girl you are working put those away baha Lucy is practically levitating off the ground with how she is looking at him in that last gif. She truly could not be prouder of him and it shows. His moral compass leveling up and she is here for it.

Their moment is broken up by them seeing a dog steal food delivery off a porch. It looks like they have found their porch pirate and he is furry haha This is such a cute and comical moment in the middle of an intense episode. Lucy is baffled by what they’re witnessing. She cracks me up with her reaction. The way they watch the dog take off in-sync is adorable. They decide to follow the dog to see where it leads them. Naturally right back to its owner. He’s all excited and happy till Tim and Lucy show up. LMAO

Tim has a funny opening line when they reach the owner. Their reactions are so funny after the guy says 'Bad dog' HA. It was some much needed levity after their tense morning. The way they look at each other at the end. Be still my heart. They always say so much with just a look. I can not with them haha Seriously look at them could they be any cuter? Mirroring body posture and the precious looks. God I love them. Getting cute aggression over here.

They head to lunch after dealing with their doggy criminal heh. Stanton comes up to Tim while he waits in line. I LOVE Tim in this scene. Getting protective over Jackson and wanting to clock Doug. Mmm gimme. Tim tries to take a pot shot and see if it gets through. Tim thinks it does at first then Doug takes it the wrong way. Blaming Angela and not himself for Jackson's behavior. Classic narcissistic douche. Tim's body language says it all. Looks like he wants wipe the floor with Stanton's face so much. Me too love me too...

After lunch they’re having a little pow wow together. I love this scene. Both of them in alignment talking about Stanton. A united front against him as it should be. Lucy is venting to Tim about how unfair this is. How Stanton is getting away with murder. Just like earlier Tim is the steady eddy one for her. Trying to keep her calm with logic and what they’re faced with.

Lucy desperately wants a Tim Bradford sideways thinking solution to this. To have an out of the box thought from him to save Jackson from Doug. Seeing how flawed the system is driving her nuts. She is desperate to get Jackson out of this situation. Sadly there is no sideways solution to this one as Tim states above. Just like with Nolan in 3x01 they have to play the game. Even when the game feels rigged af.

He’s solid in his reasoning as to why they need to. The same system that protected Nolan in 3x01 sadly also protects people like Stanton. It’s maddening and infuriating to think it could represent both. Tim is right is they don’t play this exactly right he gets away with murder. Becomes even worse than before because he beat the system. A cancer like that spreads and spreads quickly. Lucy is seeing what he is saying even if it annoys the crap out of her.

I just adore him coming to her side of thinking. He is viewing this in a whole light cause of her. Tim is able to keep her steady while they play the long game with Stanton. I love the way he listens to her towards the end of the scene. She has completely changed his outlook towards this and it shows. How intently he’s paying attention to her words and emotions. I love it sfm. Lucy is so defeated and you can tell Tim wants to do so much more than they currently are.

Tim decides they need to be doing more than they are. He grant's Lucy her wish for a sideways solution. He’s decided to take Lucy to meet Doug’s old rookie Owens. His previous rookie was a black man as mentioned by Doug earlier. Tim is hoping he has dirt on Doug. Something actionable they can use to strengthen their case. Tim warns Lucy to play this by the book. Not to tip their hand and get too protective of Jackson. Playing the game to get something solid. No accusations and no demands. Just info.

Tim has it handled at first....Doing code of silence. Having all three of them turning off their body cams. They do it Tim’s way for about two seconds LOL They’re able to get out of him that Doug is a hater. Lucy gets impatient though with the double speak. Says let’s just say what we mean. Do you thing Doug is a racist? Tim’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull. haha His ballsy wife just going for it. He tries to do damage control after that with this guy. Seeing if they can salvage anymore info.

Lucy has spooked him a bit and he’s starting to retract. So she comes at him hard since the politeness is gone. Asking if he’s ever seen him doing anything unlawful against minorities? If he’s ever seen him treat them unfairly. Owens gets defensive and says if he had he would’ve been breaking the rules by not reporting it. Tim says they’re not here for that they just want him to be real with them. He has been creating grief on their end.

Owens spooks more says Doug could make or break his career. He’s weeks away from Metro. Can’t throw it all away now. Lucy tries one more time and ask about all the people he’s hurting? He hesitates then says they’re good people but he doesn’t know them. That he can’t help them and takes off.

Lucy is bummed and says that was a bust… Tim actually sees something positive. Says he saw how conflicted he was. To give it time for him to come around. So proud of him for not jumping all over her for not following his play. That her aggressive tactic led to a result of some kind for them. How far we’ve come ❤️

Sadly their interaction with Owens backfires horribly. He warns Doug about what they’re doing. So he tests Jackson acts like he lost his body cam and is gonna beat the crap of of their suspect. Tells Jackson to watch the drugs and he doesn’t.... Tim and Lucy pull up and that’s when they find out Owens stabbed them in the back. The suspect is fine and Doug leads on he knows what they're doing.. It sucks. The look between Tim and Lucy is everything. He's got them beat at the moment.*sigh*

The final scene for Tim is SO good. I couldn't be prouder. I know Lucy would be as well. Also I'm a little hot under the collar watching him action. The way he goes to the mat for Jackson. It’s sexy af. How he comes at this guy. Get ‘em Tim! The turn around in him is unreal. Went from 'It is what it is. '' The system will never change.' To backing Jackson and standing up for what’s right. This scene reminds me of the story about the starfish on the beach and the little kid trying to save them all.

This little kid sees a beach full of dying starfish washed up on miles of beach. He keeps tossing as many as he can back into the ocean. A grumpy old man comes up tells him there are hundreds of starfish and miles of beach. That he can’t make a difference. He picks another one up chucks it into the ocean and says ‘I made a difference to that one.’

Jackson is Tim’s starfish. He’s going to make a difference for him. Take down Stanton cause it’s the right thing to do. Save future rookies and suspects from his skewed POV of the world. Owens is the old man saying they can't make a difference. So why even bother? He tells them they’re fighting a rigged system. They’ll never win and Doug won’t go down without a fight...How true those words will be in the next ep.

~~~~

Side notes non-chenford

Nice to see Nyla get a little flirting action. I don’t like her with this guy but still good for her to have someone post-Donovan to get the ball rolling.

John’s SL with his mom is rough. But I have to commend him (I know I rarely do that lol) to cut his toxic mother off. His line ‘ I love you I’ll always love you. I just don’t want to see you anymore.’ Damn that’s rough and yet I get it. I wish I could do that with mine. She’s just as narcissistic and manipulative as John’s is so props for doing that for his mental Well being. I actually envy him in this moment.

Wopez’s baby SL was stressful I did love Nyla being there for her through it though. Also watching Lopez destroy her boss about being pregnant then have to walk it back LOL gotta love Angela.

Thank you as always to those who continue to support these reviews. The likes/comments/reblogs are everything to me. So thank you all. See you all in 3x05 :)

[lunatic-pudge]

Pyro SWF Alphabet

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(They/Them pronouns and AMAB) (Also putting a TW for this)

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A: Affection (How do they show affection? And how affectionate are they?)

Pyro is an affection fiend. They enjoy some good old lovings. But they can only handle affection when they're in a good headspace. I'm not gonna go in depths about what they're suffering from mentally, I'm just gonna say it's some sort of psychosis disorder and I'm gonna throw some trauma in there. So when they're having an episode it's best to be gentle and ask to show affection

B: Best Friend (What would they be like a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

They're the best friend who's always up to no good. Always seems to be awake and doing god knows what. If you hear police seirens in the distance, this is the first one you're looking at as to what the hell happened. But they do be a very fun person to be around. Don't ask how the friendship started cause it just happened. One minute, you two are meeting for the first time, the next you're both sitting around the oven making homemade blue Jollyranchers

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Loves cuddles. You two will be cuddling everywhere and anywhere. Homie is a big fan of PDA and loves to wrap themselves around you. Cuddling can be a little akward when their asbestos lined suit is rubbing up all over you, but when they have the onesie on, it's nap time bitches! They're so warm and soft, it can lull anyone to sleep

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking & cleaning?)

I feel settling down would be a little hard for Pyro. They're so used to always being up to do something, driven by impulse. But I'm sure they'll warm up to it after a while, when they're able to find a routine and such. They're decent with cooking, only really able to make the basics (macking cheebse), but they excel in the baking department. Demanding that THEY be the ones to make desserts for everyone. And for cleaning, it's 50/50. When it comes to their weapons, they clean it down to the littlest of details, sometimes recleaning the weapons cause they think they missed a spot. But when it comes to cleaning up the base, they put the bare minimum up, they'd rather be doing something else and it shows

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

You're gonna have to be the one to break up with them. They do not handle break ups well. When they're with someone, they OBSESS over that person, and it's hard to break from that obsession. So the poor thing would be locked in their room with a lighter, trying to figure out what to do. I feel they have a self harming problem so that would be something that'd happen more after a break up

F: Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Is open to the idea of getting married. They'd probably wanna get married quick, poor bug can get impatient. Absolutely the type to wear a suit dress combo. Fire will somehow, SOMEHOW be incorporated into the wedding. No if, and, or buts about it.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Is gentle when in a good headspace. When they're having an episode, they tend to isolate themselves and refuses to talk to be. If you ask if they wanna hug during an episode expect to receive a bone crushing hug. They appreciate when you're there for them during these episodes and would do everything they can for you when you're down in the dumps. They're a good ear to have when you need to vent

H: Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Hugs 24/7. If they can't cuddle you, then you're getting a big ol' hug. They're hugs are warm and comfy (when not wearing his fire suit). Loves giving hugs to everyone. They're the person to go to if you just need a hug from someone

I: I Love You (How fast do they say the L-Word?)

Definitely said it first. Homie will say it platonically and romantically, they don't care. Once you prove to be a good person to them, then it's game over. This fire gremlin loves you dearly no matter what

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

They can get jealous very quickly. They can't help it. They want to be your one and only and worries others are trying to steal you from them. They act like a sad puppy when jealous, and will threaten the person that's taking your attention away from them, though it's hard to tell what they're saying cause of the gas mask muffling their speech

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Loves a good ol' smooch. Will press the end of their mask against your cheek all time. When they take the mask off or lift it enough for a kiss, it can take your breath away. They're magical moments between the two of you. All kisses end you in a big cuddle puddle

L: Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

Like Scout, they would make a great older sibling. Would accidentally create an army of little arsonists cause they'd be burning everything as a form of entertainment for the kiddies.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Is a lazy cuddle bug in the mornings. Refuses to get out of bed to eat breakfast and start the day. When they do finally decide that they want breakfast, they'll go get a plate of food and will retreat back to their room to eat it since they don't like when people see them with their mask off. Sometimes they tend to skip breakfast since they don't see it as a necessary thing. But please do eat breakfast with them. They love having you around, it melts their heart everytime

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Likes to build a blanket fort and cuddle together while reading stories together. Has an ungoldy amount of blankets and stuffed animals to cuddle with and keep warm. Tends to be a nightowl so you're the one clonking out first

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait awhile to reveal things slowly?)

The one that takes the longest to open up. We're talking YEARS of trust that needs to established before they can say anything about themselves. They have a lot of past trauma they don't like to talk about so it takes a lot of confidence for them to talk about it. Just please be patient and give them a hug. Let them know it's gonna be okay

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Has a surprising amount of patience. You never see them angry, it's like they can't get angry. But they can, they just never show it. They tend to stay quiet when angry, but has gotten violent before in the past. Those are on VERY rare occasions though so you never have to worry about it

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every detail in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Their memory can be finicky at times so it can be hard for them to remember the more detailed info about you. They try their best though. Just be patient and remind them. They feel bad when they can't remember things about you

R: Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

It was the first time they taught you how to make hard candy. They stood back and allowed you to take control of it all, while Pyro helped out when needed. The first batch of hard candy burnt. The burning candy was the only thing that could be smelt all around the base, which upset some of the other mercs. But Pyro was still super proud of you, taking the blame for the burnt candy, ready to throw hands if anyone was mean to you. They still took a small charred piece and kept it preserved in some resin so they could keep it forever

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Very protective, very obsessive, and very adorable. Homie's got flamethrowers, axes, and could probably pull a butcher knife out of no where and chase someone with it if they try to hurt you. They would feel so special if you protect them. Poor baby might cry a bit and give you one of the biggest hugs they can give you. They love when you both got each other's backs

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, and everyday tasks?)

They try. They tend to usually stick to more casual dates like baking together or a movie night. Is amazing at giving gifts. If there's something you want and it's hard to find, you best bet that it'll be in your hands withing three days. How did they accomplish this? Probably black magic. No one ever questions it. They're also the type that would wanna do everything for you while you sit back in relax. They'll body slam you into a cuddle if you try to help out

U: Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Their constant need to start fires. Fire is their comfort item. It's helped them through so much. They just can't help but start these fires, wanting to help bring joy to others like it's done for them. Though not all fires they start are intentional, there have been several accidents that have happened. Py's weapons are banned from being brought inside and are to stay in their own designated room until it's time to fight

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Pyro would be the one with the most self-esteem issues. They have no mirrors in their room and will usually cover the mirrors up in the bathroom being showering and such. You and Medic are the only ones who've seen what Pyro looks like, Py's not happy that Medic knows but they understand why he has. Their body is littered with varying scars from fires, being a merc, and their self harming. I could even see them having a prosthetic leg cause of some sort of injury that happened

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely. You are their world, their obsession. So to not have you around 24/7 is heartbreaking. When you have to go out for a few days, they're giving you puppy dog eyes, begging you not to go or to at least take them with you. They'll mope around and write little letter to you expressing how much they love you and miss you. When you come back, they're so estatic. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, and telling you how much you mean to them. They'll cook you a dinner and spoil you for the next five days or more to make up for lost time

X: Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

As I've stated earlier, I believe Pyro has issues with self harming. They try to stop doing it but it's really hard to at times. I also see them having a missing limb. I just feel it. And for something more positive, they aren't some dumb baby. Pyro is very much an intelligent bean. He was the CEO of an engeneering company! They could easily be a back up Engie if they needed. And you can't convine me that they aren't some ancient eldrich horror being, probably WAY more powerful than Cuthulu

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Hates people who are assholes. They're good at being petty with those types of people. So obviously they wouldn't want to be with someone who's mean and inconsiderate.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Horrible sleep schedule. Sometimes they don't ever sleep at night. Nights are spent doing whatever they can to kill time. Has a bad habit of watching you sleep. They're very good at being still and quiet, a little too good...