#i will most definitely be writing dark content for dazai as well of course because he works SO perfectly with it but

[inkykeiji]

clari, i'd love to see some dazai x reader fics from you in future! i feel like you've really fallen for him (going off your tags LOL) and tbh i don't really like soukoku so it'd be nice to read some stuff where we get dazai all to ourselves, i think you'd have a lot of fun with him. <3

YOU WILL ANON YOU WILLLLL i pinky promise!!! i already have an idea for a dazai x reader fic, it’s v angsty but also v sweet HAHA but at this current moment it’s just a little sapling of an idea—which is to say i have the general concept of the plot, how it starts and how it ends, and the themes all figured out, but i am missing the middle (aka how i get to the end). but it’s an idea that’s been bouncing around in my head for a bit now and it’s also like ????? idk comforting so i rly want to write it soon <3

and i HAVE really fallen for him anon you’re so so so right!!!!!!! he has Consumed my entire skull tbh. but i agree with you 100%, so you definitely will get some stuff where you get mr dazai wholly and completely, without having to share him with anyone else <3 u know me hehe i just looove my trios so (*/ω＼*) those happen too ofc

[asher-agere]

Huh… you know I could see 15~16 Dazai not being that embarrassed. But I think younger Dazai and serious Dazai (17~18) would be superrrr embarrassed…

But anyways I have yet another request!! Can you share your thoughts on Fyodor with a little who is hyperactive but is also very physically weak so they’re just constantly moving while their body is aching so bad because of all the physical activity. But they like need to move when they are sitting/laying down they can’t focus because of an immense need to move around (I hope this makes sense, I am not the best at explaining the various weird things I experience…)

- Fyodor Enjoyer

How I see it Age 15/Stormbringer Dazai is like a teen desperately trying to be popular. Like yeah he loves these pretty girls in the anime, but revealing that? So embarrassing. Dark Era Dazai is just depressed, he cares but he doesn’t have the energy to care that much. Then ADA Dazai just has no shame whatsoever. He’d watch it at full volume just to annoy Kunikida

But yes I can absolutely do that! I am in fact sick at the moment, so I have energy to move around, but an awful headache making me regret even trying. So I can understand what you’re saying!

Caregiver Fyodor + Hyper Achy Little

⋆♱✮♱⋆

ִֶָ࣪☾. Fyodor is also not the most active person ever! His anemia makes him tire out very very quickly. However unlike his little one he’s perfectly content to just sit around. He is far from hyper. So I think he’d be sort of confused seeing the baby moving around even though it hurts them. He hates seeing his baby hurt, so why do they keep moving around so much?

ִֶָ࣪☾. However he wouldn’t really question or judge! He’d try convincing them to sit still, even if it’s a losing battle. He’d offer to hold them and gently rock and bounce them. And while that does sound nice, it’s not what the hyper baby wants! Fyodor can expect it not to work, but he’ll still try every single time. He doesn’t like seeing his baby in pain

ִֶָ࣪☾. Fyodor would find things for them to do that require movement? But sort of minimal! Like all sorts of fidget toys they can play with. Keep their hands busy while they don’t have to move their entire body! Much less painful, but of course not enough to entertain the baby permanently

ִֶָ࣪☾. The ideal solution that he can think of is a baby play mat! (Gym mat, play gym… Let me just get a picture)

Something like this! All the little one has to do is lay there and there’s so much to do! There’s things to reach up and grab, there’s a mirror to look into! And it makes everything look super funny. Some of them even have little feet pianos :0 This is like the dream to have one of these honestly. Fyodor would definitely get one!

ִֶָ࣪☾. Fyodor would be very pushy with pain meds or any meds that can help them work through the pain. He doesn’t want his baby hurting! And while medicine is very yucky pain is even more yucky right? Plus he’d make them some nice sweet milk as a reward for taking medicine! It’s definitely worth it

ִֶָ࣪☾. If the baby is going to insist on moving around despite him trying to get them not to, then he’s going to encourage things that tire them out quickly! If they insist on doing things that hurt them, may as well make it so they’ll be doing it for a shorter time period right? He’ll let them tire themselves out so they’ll be content to just come and lay down with him getting some nice cuddles!

ִֶָ࣪☾. If watching the baby push themselves ever gets to be too much he has a solution! He doesn’t mind being more controlling when it’s needed. He’ll grab a blanket and swaddle them up super tight! Moving around is no longer possible, he just gets to hold them and softly hush and coo at them. No more pain, he’s got them now

⋆♱✮♱⋆

Yay! At first I was struggling a bit for how he’d react to this, because I don’t think Fyodor would like a hyper regressor in general, but as I started writing I kept getting more and more ideas! Thank you for the fun request as usual Fyodor Enjoyer!

On a note separate from the request I’m sick sadly :( But that means I’m gonna be chronically online! Yay! Requests are very much so appreciated. If I run out of requests I might write some stuff about sick babies… Projecting? What’s that? Never heard of it. Anyway have a super awesome wonderful day! You all deserve all the hugs and love ever!

[distortedataraxia]

Hello i don't know if this is a request place but can u do idk kunikida or whatever that mans name is and reader in fluff (reader is hmm, shy and uh idk flirty????????????) And kunikida found reader locked in a locker bc shes dumb and somehow locked herself i give u the allowance to think of anythiny else

Author note : hi ! I'm sure this request was from november.. lol, i hope you're doing well my friend, i had fun writing this, though i'll tell you, this is definitely badly written and the characters might probably act out of character, i apologize about that, but i still hope this reached your expectations ! And yes his name is kunikida.. you got that right.

The locker of doom

Kunikida x Fem!reader

Wordcount : 1,397

It was another normal day in the armed detective agency, Dazai was making airplanes with some papers, ranpo was chilling, yosano was bored, kunikida was working, kenji was chilling.. There wasn't really much work today.

But you just arrived at the agency, you were late because of your alarm ! Out of breath, you apologized, embarassed. "I'm so sorry for being late" Kunikida looked at you, with a face that lets no one know what he was thinking, and he just said in a low voice "Just get to work y/n" there was nothing strict in his voice, it was almost sweet, but you did as he said anyways, work was awaiting for you.

'All i need to do.. ' you thought, before suddenly remembering, that you forgot your phone in your locker! So that's why the alarm didn't ring ! Because your alarm was your phone ! Jeez..

You got up from your seat, as ranpo looked at you and asked "Hey y/n, could you grab a few snacks for me on your way?" You turned around and politely nodded "yes, i'll just go get my phone and my wallet" he looked at you and declared "Ah, so that's why you were late, you're really an airhead y/n" you quietly chuckled and said "Well i mean..that's not wrong..that's why people don't trust me with their stuff" the detective stretched and bored, he said "be more like me and be less like you" of course, he was joking, that was for sure "oh ! >:O Ranpo how could you be so cruel ! " Dazai exclamed himself, jumping in to the conversation, you decided to quickly leave and get your phone as you knew that the conversation was going to last ages, you left without saying anything and without anyone noticing, too shy to say something, afterall, it hasn't been long since you joined the agency, so you're still not used to your coworkers, but kunikida was nice though. He always seemed to keep his composure and calm around you, and he'd always apologize for any inconveniance, such as dazai's behaviour, dazai has been teasing the both of you often, leading kunikida to.. beat him up. This agency really was something. It's been only a few months since you joined, and theses few months have been the most eventful of your life.

You walked in the hallway, finding your locker, thinking about random things, suddenly, you get a bad gut feeling 'Something bad is about to happen to me.. ' you thought, checking your locker content in detail, forgetting what you were even searching, only remembering it was something small, before you realized, that you just locked yourself in your own locker by accident, it was dark.

'What the...? ' you wondered, before processing the situation.

You, a worker from the armed detective angency, got yourself stuck in your own locker. And what's better than that? You're actually scared of the dark!

You started to uncontrollably bang at your locker door in panick, thinking 'i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared !' A thousands of other thoughts came to your head 'what if i get suck here for hours?What if i die here because i'm thirsty!?' you overthinked, shaking, before causing the fall of your own locker, causing you to also fall, and be even more stuck. Suddenly, your phone ringed, and your phone ring was... careless whisper instrumental!? Since when? Who played around with your phone? 'I'm so tired of love songs..' you thought, before thinking about kunikida and wishing for him to come and save you and comfort you, like a knight in a shining armor 'i need someone to numb the pain' you pout to yourself.

The loud noise caused by the fall of your locker killed your ears, and in all honesty, the fall got you hurt, you had no energy to bang at the walls of your locker. Luckily though the loud noise echoing through the halls alerted your coworkers, you hear footsteps, someone running to your locker, and you hear a voice "what the..?y/n ?" The voice seemed familiar, it was.. kunikida's ! It was kunikida ! "Kunikida it's me, help me i'm stuck" you said breathing fast "okay y/n, i'm gonna have to pull your locker back up, please tell me if it hurts" He carefully said before moving the locker back up slowly, then, he opened the door of your locker, you jumped in his arms "you saved me ! " you said, your head nuzzling into his neck, he hugs you back and say "it's okay y/n..you know you could have just used your ability to destroy the locker right? " there was no judgement in his voice, just surprise "I don't like destroying stuff, it's a waste of materials" you said before admitting in a careful voice "and i was too scared and panicked to think about it, i'm scared of the dark" your cheeks felt hot, and you felt really weird "it's okay now, i'll keep you safe, you're okay. " he reassured you before saying "noted though, i'll make sure you don't go on missions requiring a lack of fear of the dark" His words made you happy and relieved, you started relaxing as he rubbed your back, you've actually never seen kunikida so kind and sweet since you joined the agency, you felt something weird in your stomach tingle "I was worried about you there, are you hurt anywhere? " He asked, letting go of the hug and looking at you with a concerned face, you shyly smiled before replying "yeah, my head really hurts,it banged against the locker hard when the locker fell down but atleast.. I'm out of hiding !" He sighs "how did you even get yourself stuck in there?" you stayed quiet for a few seconds, thinking, before stuttering, embarassed "no idea.. " he looks at you, there's no hint of dissapointment in his eyes, just concern and surprise as he says "it's okay.. Just be careful next time" Suddenly, you felt silly and said with a hint of playfulness in your voice "good boy, good boy, you're ought to worry about me. " A few seconds after saying that, you completely regretted your words and didn't dare to look at kunikida, and you started to laugh nervously "i'm joking.. " you said, before hearing the man's voice "it's fine.. " You could hear that he was nervous about something, you didn't know what that was about though "kunikida, you seem nervous, what's wrong?" You looked at him, there was a light pink on his face ,he cleared his throat "it's nothing. Don't worry about me. "

You smiled, confidently, and offered your hand to kunikida "take my hand through the flames, and let's get back to work" you joked, once again regretting your words a few seconds after, feeling your cheeks growing more and more hot "No y/n, we need to check if your head has any injuries, we're going to yosano right now" His voice was strict and you gulped "not yosano" You begged "i'm all fine" suddenly, you saw Dazai walking through the hallway and ran to him, hiding yourself behind him and using him as a shield, kunikida sighed and said "y/n, come on, i'm worried about you, i need to make sure you're 100% safe, even if it means going to yosano" Dazai blinked and you said, holding tight into dazai's jacket "no, not yosano, i'm fine" Dazai chuckled and said "You know kunikida, if you love y/n so much, you really should have her see a normal doctor other than yosano, or, maybe you could let me be your woman !? I wouldn't mind having you send me to yosano, if i can activate my ability i can just let her kill me !" Your eyes grew wide and you could hear the obvious frustration in kunikida's strict voice "No."

"You're so cruel, forcing y/n to go to yosano, i'm sure at this point , i'd take better care of her" he joked, you could sense that Dazai held no interest in you and only meant to annoy kunikida

".. Is that so? " kunikida asked, honestly, which surprised you, you backed away from Dazai and said "i actually rather have kunikida take care of me, not you Dazai and neither do i want yosano taking care of me"

Little did you know theses words only helped Dazai tease the both of you. You were still red at the end of the day.

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

[rokutouxei]

the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark theo van gogh / mc | T | [ ao3 link in bio ]

The challenge seemed pretty simple: to try to befriend the university bookshop’s most sour employee, Theo van Gogh. As a literature major with a boatload of book recommendations on her back, it ought to be a simple task indeed. But as she uncovers what lies between Theo’s pages, the more she finds it harder to become closer to him without having to put the feeling directly into words. What can she learn from Theo about what it means to stay—and how can she teach Theo about what it means to let go? | written for ikevamp big bang 2020!

[ masterpost for all chapters ]

CHAPTER 12 OF 22

My heart is an unmade bed; it might look messy, but I swear it’s a safe place to rest. - Moriah Pearson

--

It doesn’t take long for the Rooftop to become their place.

At first, it is a matter of weather. The tail end of autumn and the first breezes of winter mean that the Grove can get a little too cold in the late afternoons when they meet; and in truth, the Rooftop is barely any better, but at least there’s a stunning view below, and a vending machine for hot drinks at the first floor. If it gets too cold out, there’s the storage room on the same floor that’s decked out with windows—Isaac keeps all the astronomical equipment in here, mostly the telescopes, but also a few plastic chairs and tables.

Peak convenience.

This was totally not what she had planned from the beginning.

Definitely. Not at all.

It doesn’t take long for them to surrender and make the Rooftop their little hiding space. The hours spent in companionable silence in the Grove have just changed locations, but—somehow, up here, where there’s only the two of them, it’s a little more… intimate. They spend an hour or so with their usual book exchange and then—they stay to listen to each other.

For hours. Sometimes long enough for them to be out past dinner.

It just feels right.

It feels right the same way she feels content that the books he ends up lending her do reveal quite a lot about his character. It feels right the same way he feels like every extra day they spend together, even if they are discussing the most trivial of things, she burrows a little deeper into his defenses. She devours every single title he passes on, Hosseini, Pratchett, Heiligman, Stone, no matter how long the book is, no matter how complicated it seems—and he lets his heart rest in every collection she hands him, Plath, Lorde, Angelou, Thomas, Lawrence.

Every book an opened door.

Every word just the littlest millimeter closer.

Take, for example, the time they began talking about The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Shaffer and Barrows, which was lent by Theo, and the conversation went:

“Okay, but you have to agree that there’s nothing quite like a hand-written letter. It hits different. Regular messages and calls are great, of course, but the idea that time and energy was lent to writing down a letter? Peak romance.”

Theo nods. “The personality in the handwriting.”

“Oh, definitely!” she nods. “And eventually you’ll be able to tell their emotions based on how their handwriting is a little different—something like the psychology of handwriting?”

“To me personally, it’s the hand-made nature that makes letters appealing.”

“Yes! The craft of it! The fact that the ink and the paper, and that it’s both visual and literary—” she emphasizes this with the classic chef’s kiss; pinching her thumb and index finger and kissing them away.

They talk about the most trivial of things, they talk about the deepest of things. Conversations shift from gossip to philosophy, from the news to deep fantasy. The Rooftop becomes theirs, becomes the little space they inhabit on campus where they can shake the wings of their little bond together out wide.

Of course, they could very well invite their other friends into this little book club of theirs; Arthur is pretty well-read; it will be easy to drag Dazai out if Arthur is involved; Isaac could budge with some convincing; but—

They just know that with each other, it’s different.

Like that time Theo arrives first at the Rooftop, and she manages to sneak up on him without him noticing, as he was so deep in his thoughts; she had caught him writing on his journal in his elegant script, and she had nearly yelled into his ear because of how surprised she was.

“A fellow connoisseur!” she says, sitting immediately next to him on the bench table, bumping shoulders; Theo is pulling his fountain pen away from the page to avoid marking on it. “Here I was being teased for writing in cursive for being old fashioned, and you’re out here doing the same!”

“I’ve never teased you for writing in cursive,” Theo insists, flashbacking through every book log he’d made her sign in the bookshop.

She nods excitedly. “I know! I thought you were just being nice, but it’s so cool to see you do it too!” She beams. “There’s a required hand-written portion in the test by the OSR and they required to write in print, and I was so sad… what about all my loopy L’s…”

“I like it because it’s convenient, not pretty,” Theo says with a frown.

“That’s because you already have gorgeous handwriting,” she quips. “And of course, you write with a fountain pen. Just the right amount of bougie for a business major.”

“Excuse me?”

One book after another, one Saturday into the next. It doesn’t matter that she’s at the bookshop twice a week, that they see each other even outside of this space; when they’re up here, they are different people. They are more similar people. They go around the world sitting at the Rooftop exchanging stories. They switch Antoine de Saint-Exupéry for Emily Dickinson; Murakami Haruki for Richard Siken; Phillip Williams for Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

She talks about the astronomy club, admits how at the beginning her only reason for joining was because she wanted to get access to the rooftop, and now, how much more she’s gotten out of it. He talks about the business club and how the snobbier members had pushed him out of active membership. She talks about her childhood, the familiar streets of the city below, all she’s ever known. He talks about Vincent and the younger years, living out in the country, running around in rye fields dreaming of the future.

The two of them are friends.

Unlikely, maybe, and at first maybe at least a little bit unwilling, but—they are now. And who would have imagined that one little invitation from Vincent to do some modeling in his little apartment would lead to this? To whispers about Anna Karenina. To plans to going to the post office to check out their most beautiful postcards—to send them to each other, if only in the spirit of it. To hiding away from the rest of the busy university when the rest of the world is too loud.

To muse about the future that seems too far out, to feel like it is close enough to grasp.

And as one season seeps into the next and Theo walking her home to her dormitory’s doorstep with her book in his hands just becomes normal, the vaguest twinkle of a thought shimmers in both their minds for the briefest of moments.

They just don’t catch it yet.

--

It is late November when the official administrative instructions for Dragon’s Hoard’s closures for the holiday seasons come into Arthur’s and Theo’s inboxes.

The email also delightfully includes the details about their holiday pay.

Dragon’s Hoard is a small bookshop, sure, but it is still owned by one of the richer, old-money families of the city, so of course, the employees get a sizable 13th-month pay at the end of the year. But not only that—they’re also eligible for a bit of holiday pay. A lot of things come into the computation of it, as far as they’re concerned—the state of the economy, the year’s average revenue from the bookshop, just about how nice their boss is feeling this year—so it varies, but this year…

This year, Saint-Germain took it up a notch.

Maybe even two.

Arthur whistles as he reads the email, staring at the multiple digits itemizing what they’ll receive soon. “How does this man make money, why does it seem like he never runs out?”

Theo puts down the fresh stock of books onto the counter for sorting. He hasn’t been on his phone since his shift started, because he likes to wave a bit of moral superiority over Arthur out of pettiness. “Bonus kicked in?”

“Kicked hard,” Arthur says, flashing his phone screen to Theo. “Check that out.”

Theo catches the numbers and does the math quickly in his head. When one is saving up for something, every tiny bit counts. He had intended to put the entirety of his bonus onto the money he was putting aside, but with this amount…

“That’s a lot,” is all he can say. The bookshop has been operating as per usual throughout the year, and with the spreadsheets, there hadn’t been a huge leap of income either…

“I guess if your last name is Saint-Germain, you’re probably rich as balls,” Arthur comments, taking his phone back again to check the email one more time to make sure he didn’t dream that up. “But he probably gets something out of this too.”

“Charity work, maybe, against his taxes.”

“Probably.”

And if Arthur had any sense of self-preservation, he would have stopped there. Would have kept his phone in his pocket and dropped the conversation altogether, returning to the hum of tasks left in the bookshop for today. But would Arthur really be Arthur if he didn’t live to put himself in harm’s way for the amusement of it?

So, he slides up against Theo and asks, “So where are you spending the money?”

Theo’s eyebrow twitches. “Vincent,” is his short reply. And that should already say it all, but—

“No Christmas gift for the missus? You know, there’s only so much dates can do, sometimes you got to give a little bling, before—”

Arthur wins mercy from Theo’s punch by promising him free lunch.

--

“Dazai, I’m not pursuing him,” she sighs. “That’s not the right verb.”

“Oh? Then what should it be? Are you ‘courting’ him?”

The two of them are sitting across each other at the café Vincent works in, each with a book in hand. Dazai doesn’t seem too interested in reading the Japanese translation of Pride and Prejudice.

He closes the small bound book, bookmark already in place. He has that knowing smile on his face that lets her know she’s already lost before the battle’s even begun. “Toshiko-san, you can’t keep telling me one thing and then showing the world another.”

When she first spotted Dazai across the café earlier today, at the start of her break in-between classes, she thought it might not be too bad to stay with him until her next lecture begins, for some wholesome, literary students bonding time. Besides, reading next to each other has always been their way of hanging out anyway—very stereotypical of them.

She should have figured out that she is transparent to her best friend and just being next to each other with unsaid things clouding her mind would eventually lead to conversations she doesn’t want to have yet.

It’s just her luck that it’s worth it to be in Dazai’s company.

She closes her own book shut. Gabriel Garcia Marquez can wait. “I’m telling you the truth. I don’t know why you guys keep insisting that there is something more in between us when there isn’t.”

“I haven’t seen you get so worked up about maintaining a book exchange.”

“Hey, we did that too!”

“Not for long,” Dazai notes, and he’s right. They did, at some point, the summer before, the one they spent together after neither of them decided to go home for the extended holiday. They tore through two books, sometimes more, a week, for a month, until—well, they decided to do something else.

She shakes her head. “They’re just books.”

“The books, the dare,” he counts with his slender fingers, “you have to take responsibility sometimes, you know? You don’t need to blame anyone else for your own actions.”

She huffs as she drops her book into her bag unceremoniously. “You are blowing things out of proportion.”

“Then there’s the Rooftop, and the Halloween date, and—”

“Oh would you look at the time,” she says, standing up suddenly from her chair, the tips of her ears red, her voice’s loudness near comical as other customers from every direction turn toward her—“I’m going to be late for class if I don’t go now, I’ll see you soon, Osamu!”

Dazai smiles and waves goodbye even if he knows her next class isn’t in an hour.

--

The weather is unforgiving outside, and the entire horizon white with snow, the breeze bordering unpleasant. The two of them have a back-and-forth of switching places today: maybe at the Little Owl, or the cafeteria at the university’s main library, maybe even at the van Gogh’s house, but—

They find themselves at the Rooftop anyway.

Today, they’ve swapped J. Neil Garcia with Ursula K. Le Guin, and after an interesting exchange about identity, self, and the importance of fantasy in imagining what else one can become, they’re sitting across each other on a table, nursing what’s left of their vending machine hot drinks.

The question pops out of her mouth so suddenly, even she has a look of surprise after she’s said it.

“Does Arthur ask you about this, too?”

Theo puts down his paper cup of coffee. “About what?”

“About this,” she says, making a gesture at the both of them. “You know, our little book exchange. Hanging out on Saturdays. Does he make a big deal out of it?”

“When he’s being a bastard,” Theo answers quickly. “Is he bothering you?”

“No! No.” She shakes her head, smiling at him reassuringly. “I was more curious if it bothers you.”

“Why would it bother me?”

The question is simple, but Theo watches as her face contorts in some sort of confusion. Sure, Arthur being his usual unfunny joker can get on his nerves, but the teasing doesn’t bother him in the way he knows she is asking about. Not when he knows what’s really going on.

Or he thinks he knows.

“Doesn’t he make this a bigger deal than it is?”

“He does.”

Unease mixed into her genuine curiosity: “That doesn’t bother you?”

Theo doesn’t like that expression on her. “Would you rather I more firmly correct him?”

The smile finally returns to her face as she playfully hits him on the arm. “No, I know what you mean by ‘firmly’. He’s like that but Arthur’s still my friend, you know.”

“You know he deserves it.”

“He does, but still.” The smile doesn’t go away and relief fills Theo’s veins. He’s not used to seeing her so upset. It only reminds him of the one time he messed up after the Halloween party. “I’m glad it doesn’t, though. I thought we’d have to… I don’t know, tone it down, or something.”

Theo knows one thing and that it is always more than with her—even when he doesn’t understand quite what it is. Instead, he says, “They’re free to misunderstand however they want.”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “Yeah, you’re right.”

For some moments, they are quiet. They’ve shared so many silences that they’ve learned when it’s the silence that’s fine in being empty, and the silences where something is being phrased, ordered, prepared, like the way an inhale does before an exhale. Theo knows this is the latter.

So he waits.

What he does hear after, though, is not anything he’s expecting.

“You know, Theo, I don’t think I’ve ever really heard about what you want to do with your life.”

He raises an eyebrow at her, bored. “It’s not anything interesting.”

“Try me?”

Theo doesn’t know what to tell her at all. Instead, he looks down at the town below, out the window, making out the shapes of houses through the blanket of white. He no longer knows where his dreams end and where his delusions begin. It’s not that he hadn’t toyed with the options—curating, working for a museum, art dealership—but nothing has really caught him. Not when he has something more urgent at hand.

After what seems like an infinite number of moments, he answers: “I want to see Vincent flourish as an artist.”

Silence.

The lack of reaction causes him to turn back at her. “What? Not going to laugh?”

“What?” she blinks. “No, no, I’m not laughing. That’s actually pretty sweet of you.”

“Stop. I’ve had enough brother complex jokes from Arthur.”

“No, that’s not—oh my god, he’s right, holy shit.” She stifles a laugh onto her sleeve. He glares at her, but it only makes her laugh harder. “Haha, wait, no, relax. I was going to say something serious.”

He raises an eyebrow, daring her to continue. She clears her throat.

“That’s a dream about Vincent, though. And while I respect it—I want to hear about yours.”

“That is my dream,” Theo insists. “Everything that happens past that is a bonus.”

She shakes her head. “No, no, that’s definitely not it. There has to be something you want to do for yourself, right?”

Theo has half a heart to wish that he’s built enough of a persona in her head that a little version of him in her mind answers that’s none of your business for him. Because it’s not right, it’s not entirely right, so he can’t tell that to her, but he can’t tell her either.

He isn’t like her. She’s a rocketship pointed at the open Milky Way with directions and a path coded right into her system.

He doesn’t even have a trajectory.

Just lost in orbit, an astronaut detached from their mission, breathing on oxygen that’s running out.

He doesn’t get to say anything.

But because she is who she is in that laser-piercing way Theo can’t sometimes stand, she says, instead, softly, her voice so gentle it sounds like she is offering Theo a flower made out of snowflakes: “He’d want you to pursue your own little happiness too, you know?”

He closes his eyes in response to this—like blocking out one sense would make this all easier to push away. And when he answers, his voice sounds hoarse, like he’s been screaming. “I have no dream,” he says, simply. There’s a space at the end of it that lingers, one that could be filled with yet or anymore. It weighs a million tons.

And in return, she beams at him like the sun, reaching out to pull at his cheek that it makes his eyes fly open.

“Wet gow—"

“We’ll find you one, stupid,” she answers, ever so certainly. “Make that your current dream! To find one, you know?”

And no, Theo doesn’t know. Theo doesn’t really have feelings about this anymore, except that he wants to do his best for Vincent. Maybe one day there will be a dream. But not now. Maybe one day. He takes a sip out of the hot coffee from the paper cup, and it takes like the cheap vending machine drink it actually is, but—

He holds in his heart that maybe she’s right—and somehow, the thought makes the coffee just a little bit better.

--

A few days later, Theo hums under his breath as he flips the pancake he’s currently cooking in the kitchen. Because Saint-Germain respects that people buy holiday presents in advance, he and Arthur have finally gotten their holiday pay in. And this morning, the bank statement’s updated and the cheque has cleared: the amount is fully deposited in his account, and now there are no takebacks.

This is really, really happening.

He hears a yawn coming from down the hall and out comes Vincent, fresh from the studio. His hands are stained with paint in varying degrees of dry, and he’s bringing with him two clear glasses: one muddied with paint water, the other with the remnants of pulp from orange juice. Theo hopes there was no incident of switched glasses last night—that was not a fun experience last time.

Vincent places the glasses on the sink nearby and hovers around his younger brother. “Pancakes?” He smiles. “Something good happen to you?”

“Yeah, really good,” Theo says, unable to hide his excitement. He slides the cooked pancake on top of another on a waiting plate, and hands it to Vincent with a grin. “I can’t wait for you to hear about it, broer. Eggs?”

“Please, and over easy,” Vincent answers, taking the plate with him, off to set their little dining table. “Is this about you finally dating?”

Theo nearly crushes the egg in his hand. “What?”

“It’s not?” Vincent is sincerely shocked. “I was sure it was. You sounded so happy.”

“You know I don’t have time for that.” Theo huffs. Nearly puts too much salt. He prods at the egg with a little more force than required.

Coming back to the kitchen for utensils and a carton of juice, Vincent ruffles his brother’s hair gently. “You’re always working too hard, it’s not bad to entertain those kinds of things sometimes, you know?”

Theo flips the egg. The oil crackles loudly like his denial. “There’s nothing to entertain,” he insists, as Vincent slips back to the table. “You don’t have to worry about that, broer.”

“Okay.” Vincent sits at the table. He pretends to not see right through Theo. “So, what’s gotten you in such a good mood?”

“My holiday paycheck came in the other day, and the boss was extra generous with the bonus this year,” Theo begins, cracking another egg over the pan. Stirs it gently to make a nice, scrambled egg. He’s so used to domestic life with his brother, for a moment the idea of him going away flashes in his mind with a jolt of fear. He shakes it away as he taps some salt over the pan. “Went to the bank yesterday, and it reflected today.”

“Nothing’s better than a good holiday bonus, yeah?” Vincent says, smiling in support. “I got a good bit too. Might be enough to get a good new easel.”

“Great timing,” Theo says, a soft smile on his face. Turns off the fire, puts the egg on the plate, and nearly rushes in excitement to his brother on the table.  (Not without coming back for the maple syrup in the fridge, of course, because who eats pancakes without it?)

Vincent faces the table properly to begin to eat breakfast, but before he even gets to reach for his fork and knife, Theo has his hands in his.

“Great timing, because you’ll need the easel. At the current rate, I’m just going to need to work for two more full months… and we might be able to rent a decent space with the amount we’ve been saving up for an exhibit.” Theo has stars in his eyes. He hasn’t been this excited in years. His dream has always been to be the wind underneath his brother’s wings—letting him fly. That was all he ever wanted. He can think of himself some other time. This time, this is for Vincent. And here they are: so close to it.

Vincent smiles at Theo, beams, “That’s great! Congratulations!” but pulls his hands away anyway. Like he touched something hot. He clears his throat and turns to his plate. “Let’s eat.”

For a moment, Theo furrows his eyebrows at his brother’s reaction, but then lets it go.

It doesn’t occur to him until much later that he shouldn’t have.

[thechaoscryptid]

Writer’s Tag Game, Bouncy’s Edition

Many thanks to @tipsyraconteur for tagging me ❤❤ I know I said this was going to be my strictly Naruto blog but there’s definitely some of my other fandoms that are going to worm their way in heh.

Rules: brag to your heart’s content, you’re awesome, and then tag 5-10 people to do the same.

I’m tagging (if you’d like to play, no obligation): @magnustesla, @scarecrowinthewoods, @dunloth, @caped-ace, @alexianite, @benicemurphy, and @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul (you Voltron peeps, it’s Ary 😉)

1) What’s a paragraph you’ve written that you’re really proud of?

From Order and Obedience (KakaIru): 

“Think Konoha’s dog is going to be an easy fuck, ranger?” Kakashi asked, eyeing every possible exit. Just in case. “That my allegiance is so easily swayed?”

“I think if you were still wearing your boots you’d be trembling in them,” Iruka said without missing a beat. “Your desire to serve the light may not make sense to me, but even I can see that the way your skin drinks in the moon would be pleasing to any god. I’m not demanding darkness, only obedience.”

2) Pick a favorite scene from your longest fic!

The scene in Wake the White Wolf (KakaIru) where Sera and Kakashi part ways. I still get chills at the lines “You are no longer my problem. I am no longer your whore.” There’s plenty of fantastic scenes from that fic, but that still remains one of my favorites. That whole arc, really, from when she finds out the news to when it’s finally 100% over. 

3) Give us a snippet of your most recent WIP:

Voltron! This is a part of one of my stories for the Sheith Big Bang coming up:

A galaxy will never be enough to contain my love for you. 

Mechanically, Keith’s hands go through the motions of powering up Black as Krolia’s voice comes through the comm link. It’s another diplomacy mission--another he’d rather skip in favor of liberating some far off colony from oppressors or just staying in bed, unmoving. The lion doesn’t speak to him the way she used to, and neither does anything else. The universe, for all its glory, has become simple.

Dull.

Grey, even with color sprays from passing planets and nebulas.

He chews on the side of his lip as he lets his head tip to the side, checking to make sure things are in order. His mother’s still rattling off information about the mission and he just wants to tell her to be quiet, he’ll figure it out on his own later. He wants to hear the ghost of Shiro’s voice whispering it loves him again.

Keith…

Ghosts are never enough, but Shiro’s I’ll love you until forever ends echoing in his head assuages the pre-mission blues. “Not that it’s ever anything else these days,” he says under his breath. Krolia asks what he said, and he blames it on a squeaky chair. “Gotta get in here and tune up the cockpit when I’m back. Project for Shiro and I.”

“Well, just as long as it doesn’t interfere with things now. You ready to give ‘em hell?”

Keith pastes a smile on his face, though he knows she’s not on the video link. “Would you expect anything different?”

4) If all of your published fics sparred, who would win and why?

Ohh, tough one...based off of stats, Wake the White Wolf, no question. Off of personal preference? Probably Crescendo (SakuOro) right now. 

5) What’s a fic/author you’ve taken inspiration from and in which one of your works did you incorporate that inspiration?

I won’t lie, Tipsy, a lot of my recent style choices came from Scar Tissue 😅 I found I really enjoy storytelling in present tense, with longer flowing lines punctuated by short lil ones for emphasis. It’s appeared in...most of my recent stuff? I switched within the last year or so.

(putting the rest under a cut because there’s some longer answers)

6) Which fanfiction character do you enjoy writing the most? In which one of your fics do you think you wrote them best?

This is another tough one xD I think I actually have to go with a three part answer here, though really, I enjoy writing so many more.

Kakashi Hatake: Shatter Me (KakaIru), best fic

Dazai Osamu: Marionette (Dazushi), best fic

Keith Kogane: since I can’t tell which one of my bang fics yet, I’ll go with my favorite published, which is Unsteady (Sheith). Truly, it’s going to be the fic from the above snippet hehe

7) Smut or fluff? Give us a sneak peek of your favorite fluffy/smutty scene you’ve written.

Mmm, smut. I’ve really got to be in the right mood for fluff, and my not-so-guilty pleasure reading is angsty smut.

My favorite fluffy/smutty scene...I think it’s probably from Reciprocity (KakaSaku)!

He wishes he still had the Sharingan to capture these moments. Sakura’s still got her thin undershirt on, but the delicate hollows of her collarbones call to him as she reaches over to light their lantern. There will be no fire tonight save for the one burning low and heavy in his stomach, as if he’s swallowed molten rock.

“Do I need to do the rest?” she says, dragging her hands up her legs as she stands. “Should I strip for you, Kakashi?”

He stands along with her and tugs off his mask first, then his shirt. Sakura gasps as the angry red of fresh scars is revealed, fingers twitching toward him before he shakes his head. “Let me,” he murmurs.

Inch by inch, the pale curve of her stomach is revealed. Shadows flicker and dance over it along with the flames, and when Kakashi pulls Sakura’s shirt the entire way off he thinks not even the prettiest sunset could compare. There’s several scars--no shinobi makes it out without them--and no shortage of muscle packed into her small frame, but somehow she makes a battleborn body beautiful.

Sakura makes life beautiful.

Her breath hitches when he tells her this, something shifting in her at the tender touch of his lips against her forehead. “You’re sure you don’t want me to just jump you right now?” she says breathlessly.

“No jumping,” he says. “Only falling.”

8) What’s a scene in one of your fics you wish you would receive fanart for?

Uh, literally any one 😅 My top choice, though, I think would be of my favorite OT3 in Desperately:

“I’ll be a lot cuter when the day comes.” Sakura shoved the bandana up and crunched her nose as she looked back with Ibiki. “You might have to leave me at the altar to catch everyone fainting at the sight of me.”

Ibiki’s laugh rumbled through the living room as he gathered her back to his chest. “We’re never leaving you there, baby, you know we couldn’t,” he said. “Or maybe we could take turns catching them. How d’you think your clothes will hold up, Rai?”

“They’ll be fine. I volunteer for catching duty as long as it’s you two falling for me at the end,” he said, spreading his arms over the back of the couch as he watched them sway. “And of course, falling into bed with me later.” Ibiki cocked an eyebrow as Sakura giggled into his scarred chest. “What, you think I”m joking?”

“Never considered it,” Ibiki said. He pulled away from Sakura to trail his hand up her arm, urging her to spin. His uniform lifted from her creamy skin and Raidou sucked in a breath as the purple lace on the bottom of her underwear was revealed. She knew he couldn’t resist those, and Ibiki certainly didn’t mind them either.

“Come here,” he said. Ibiki let her go and gave her a gentle push toward Raidou’s outstretched arms before flopping next to them as the song began to repeat. “I saw those. You can’t hide them from me.” Her hair tickled his face as he kissed over her cheek down to her ear. “Wearing my husband’s shirt and my wife-to-be’s favorite underwear, how scandalous, Sakura,” he purred.

“I’m sure your wife-to-be will be so very displeased I stole them,” she said, pulling back with a mock pout before turning to beg a kiss from Ibiki. “I hear she picked them specifically for tonight because she wanted to get laid.”

9) Would you ever consider turning one of your fics into a podfic? If no, why not?

Not on my own? I have hearing problems, so it’s just really never occurred to me. If anyone else wanted to, though, I wouldn’t say no!

10) The best (or your favourite) 5 reviews you’ve ever gotten! Don’t forget to tell us which one of your fics received them!

There’s so many 😭😭 My commenters are all fucking awesome, but I’ll trawl my saved comments for some highlights!

P5eud0Nym on Wake the White Wolf (KakaIru omegaverse): So, I just wanted to say you’ve been doing a fantastic job. I appreciate that this isn’t, and hasn’t at any point been, a dumb tropey kink fic. That you’ve taken the time to put so much heart into all of this. The fact that you’re exploring the politics, the social issues, and writing all of the characters as being more than just their A/B/O designations, so good. The multifaceted way you write is just really and truly refreshing. It’s obvious how much work and thought you put into this. You’re tackling a lot of really important stuff, from consent to civil rights, and it’s some grade A USDA certified Good Shit. Thanks for the fic and keep up the good work <3

Lilmeliz on Monster (ShigaDabi): AAAAAAA GUARANTEED I CAN BLOW YOUR MIND mwa. Please excuse the lame dua lipa reference I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I couldn’t-- Delicious. Finally some fucking good food. I want to congratulate you. This is such a beautiful, touching, heartwarming masterpiece. I even cried a little. I usually read shiggy with his dark past and his (soul) scars and all that jazz, and venturing into the thought of him having a mere fiber of good will in himself, in his actual self, is risky and prone to be ooc. But here it sounds right. It feels personal, private and even possible, my boi :( Dabi is an angel, I’m dying. I like the reminder “they lie, they kill...” Yes he’s an angel but he’s still evil. I don’t know what else to add but really, this is stunning! IM GONNA TATTOO THISSS amazing work 

Prism0467 on Forbidden (KakaIru): You have written their mutual dependency with such nurturing attention to detail I feel as if I know them. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt...embraced by a work of fanfiction before now...this may well be a first. Your enthusiasm for this pairing comes through loud and clear, I’ll tell you that :)

PearlBear on Crescendo (SakuOro): Wow. Just wow. This is brilliant, heart-wrenching, creative and extremely, extremely well-written. You have such a way with words, I was actually crying. And you adapt their lives as shinobi so seamlessly to situations that happen in real life (how many partners give up on possibilities for their significant one and get nothing in return?). This story managed to move me deeply and all the while, they all were in-character (it hurt when Tsunade looked at Orochimaru in the same way they all do, also loved how Tobirama and Madara are his parents). The omegaverse wasn’t heavy at all, instead it’s well integrated enough that I, who don’t particularly like it, barely noticed and completely accepted it. It’s just the way things are. You manage to convey so, so much in a few words. I’m amazed. So, thank you for sharing this! I am very, very excited for what’s next, whether Orochimaru experiments to save himself, whether Sakumo commits suicide (or worse, dies on this mission), whether... So many possibilities. Your story is outstanding. Thank you for writing this gem!

(insert special shoutout to Tipsy’s review of Testing the Waters...)

and no comment appreciation section would be complete without at least one from @magnustesla! 

This one from Of Scale and Steel (Sheith naga AU): Ary, sometimes I am left speechless and I don’t quite know how to articulate my thoughts after reading one of your fics. Like, everything is just so...so brilliant that it’s like my brain fucks off when I try to get my thoughts down onto a page. Turning well known and beloved characters into something else entirely isn’t easy and often they miss the mark leaving the reader not really connecting with it. But you, you are brilliant and clever in all that you write because damn, I love Naga Keith. It feels like it IS part of canon. And your oc? Super adorable and she just belongs. I really loved her interactions with Shiro and the chewing on his finger had me rollling because it reminded me of when J would test everything by chomping it. Not relevant but it sparked a good laugh from me, especially because it is totally something kids do. I’m so fucking proud of you and I’m excited to see you get your mojo back with this fandom. Love you ❤

[linklethehistorian]

W.I.P. Week — Day 3 (February 26): Your Canonverse WIP Or Your AU WIP

I actually still have a lot of art W.I.P.s, but well, since I was under the impression this more intended for fanfics, I’ll just leave this little excerpt from my current oneshot project.

This is a Bungou Stray Dogs fic, could be considered either as canonverse or AU depending on your own interpretation, but in my own head at least, I consider it to be canonverse. 

I should say this is kind of a pairing fic (ChuuArt related), but as I haven’t really completed it yet, I can’t say as to whether the final version will come off as being undeniably “shippy” or if you’ll just be able to read into it in whatever way you want. Most of my creations are pretty tame as far as shipping goes and I do tend to stray more towards the platonic end of things regardless of whether my ships are romantic or otherwise, so I will say you definitely don’t have to worry about it being N-S-F-W (I separate this acronym because I don’t know if Tumblr bots will flag any content that even contains this term in it anywhere). Beyond that, however, I can’t say what I anticipate the rating to be, but for now I’ll estimate it to be no lower than a T rating due to use of alcohol and/or alcohol reference/underage drinking.

Spoilers for the Fifteen Light Novel are also included, so proceed with caution.

Anyway, hope you enjoy.

“Man, this really sucks...”

An exasperated sigh passed through the young redheads lips and out into the night air as he strolled aimlessly down a street in Yokohama, the city’s neon lights staining him with their brilliant colors as he walked below; even if he was that much closer to learning the truth about Arahabaki — even if he’d found the person he’d been searching for all this time — today had still been a mess, and thanks to that boy he had to work with, now his gang was convinced he betrayed them and left him behind. After this, if they wouldn’t take him back, where would he go? What would he do?

Of course, he was cursing himself internally for letting it happen, and yet —

Vzzzt.

A text message — this late at night? Chuuya growled in annoyance when he heard the sound of his phone alerting him to a new text message. What does that Bastard want now?

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled his phone out indignantly, turning the screen towards his face just as its internal light inconveniently shut off.

Hasn’t he already done enough?! Chuuya let out a frustrated groan as he clicked the home button on his phone to light it up once again, fully prepared to cuss that no good Dazai Osamu out for this.

Under his touch, the screen immediately came to life, shining so brightly within the darkness as he ducked into a nearby alleyway that he almost had to squint to see it without hurting his eyes.

“Hello Chuuya-kun; I’m sorry if I’m interrupting you in any way, but I just wanted to thank you for your help before.”

Chuuya stared blankly at his phone for a moment as he read these words, his face immediately softening into a very different kind of expression — one which conveyed a sense of joy, sadness, confusion, and fear all at once as he came to a sudden realization.

It wasn’t Dazai.

Bonus Question: Do you prefer canonverse or AU fics in your favorite fandom?

If we’re talking about reading others’ fanfics, I think I’m in the minority here, but if the writing is good enough, I really don’t tend to care all that much; I really enjoy both a lot when they’re done correctly. The only reason I can honestly say I would ever prefer AUs over canonverse fics to any manner of degree is because I am, by nature, a person who likes things a certain way in my canonverse fics and if they don’t hold up to my standards or include a lot of something I personally disagree about, it can really make it really hard for me to truly enjoy it no matter how good the story may be. The nice thing about AUs is that they leave a ton of wiggle room for the writer without trying to present themselves as being canon.

If we’re talking about writing fanfics, I generally stick entirely to canonverse stories, or at least other canon AUs; I’m just not really big on the fan AU scene when it comes to my own creations.

Do not repost my fanfics anywhere without my explicit permission or claim them as your own. See F.A.Q.s for details.

All of my other entries for W.I.P. Week:

Day 1 (February 24): Your Oldest W.I.P.

Day 2 (February 25): A W.I.P. Containing Your OTP

Day 4 (February 27): Your Most Popular W.I.P.

Day 5 (February 28): Your Favorite W.I.P.

Day 6 (March 1): Your Previously Unpublished W.I.P.

Day 7 (March 2): Any W.I.P.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Oda and Dazai!

So this got…… kinda long… and probably strayed from the ask meme and is more of like a character study lmao whoOPS I’m so sorry. But thank you for the ask xD

Character Writing Meme

Oda

So in canon, Oda never smiles, like ever; he definitely has a broad array of emotions, for sure, but he doesn’t let either positive or negative ones outwardly show very much except in extreme situations ahaha. But it’s natural instinct for me to describe characters as smiling softly/a little bit, or frowning or whatnot, so I can’t help but write Oda like that as well, because I feel like writing him would get boring quickly if his expressions were never described like I do for others and if he wasn’t the pov character where you had his inner thoughts/emotions to make up for that (the original Dark Era novel is in his point of view, and it really helps you to get into his thoughts/emotions, some of which the anime carried over, so that makes his rarely-changing expression not as bothersome). I try to remind myself to keep it as lowkey as possible though (again, talking about fics not in his pov); he probably realistically has to smile sometimes, but I make sure never to overdo it and to keep that sort of amusingly nonchalant/unfazed outward personality Oda has at the same time.

When around Dazai, Oda is pretty much the only person who will let him go off on one of his crazy, dramatic, depressing tangents about life/death and wanting to die and all that, deal with that loopiness that is Dazai. In other words, he won’t ignore him or admonish him for acting like that, which nearly everyone else in the series who Dazai interacts with does. The only time Oda will interfere is if Dazai is directly putting himself in a harmful situation, but when he’s just talking, he’ll let him get it all out. I haven’t actually written much involving this aspect of him, but this is important about Oda when he and Dazai are together, that Oda lets Dazai be himself and lets him get out all his extremely negative emotions instead of forcing him to bottle them up even more, which is a good thing for Dazai to have. In this way, Oda understands Dazai better than anyone else in the entire series, but the key is that he isn’t aware how much he does (because Oda is so damn humble), and so Oda never takes further steps to help out Dazai, as good as letting him talk things out is. In short, Oda cares about Dazai (most likely his fatherly instincts showing through) and worries about him unconsciously, and is content to let Dazai be his strange self when he’s with him, letting him do his thing as long as he’s not actually harming himself, which is why they get along so well… but at the same time Oda will never try to actively play counselor/therapist with Dazai to attempt to help him more permanently, because he doesn’t think he can/isn’t brave enough to/just doesn’t really think to do so. Which leads me to…

…Oda is selfish to a degree, because he’s human, and selfishness is human nature. I’m only really talking about the situation with the kids, though. Canonically, after the kids were killed, Oda went on a suicide mission for the sake of revenge for the kids, abandoning Dazai, who still desperately needed and wanted him, and throwing aside any small chance of building a happy life back up for himself and eventually getting away from the mafia and fulfilling his dream of becoming a writer, and possibly taking Dazai with him and making him happier than he is now at the ADA. In that moment, all logic shut down inside of him, and he acted on his instincts, knowing he was going to die, all because he felt like he didn’t care about anything anymore, for revenge that was more for himself than the kids who didn’t even know they were being avenged, obviously. Of course I’m not entirely blaming Oda or trying to intentionally shit on him (I love him lmao), and his mental state then is completely understandable, but it still stands that he acted on selfish motives when he did what he did and got himself killed from it. He made a huge mistake leaving Dazai behind, breaking his heart and taking his best friend in the world away from him, and I’m sure Oda realized that once Dazai showed up, realized that there was so much he still needed to do for Dazai that he never had done and never could anymore then, and realized how much it hurt him too because of how much he truly cared about Dazai. When I wrote his death scene from his own pov, that’s what I wanted to show, him realizing how selfish he had been by doing this to Dazai. Because as much as Oda loves Dazai, he loves those kids more, not only because of just him loving kids in general, but also because taking care of those kids in particular he associates directly with his own “redemption” from his previous life as an assassin, so once they’re killed, he decides that everything is over, gives up, because their deaths mean that he failed in trying to turn over a new leaf, so he goes back to killing and decides to end it all, forgetting Dazai completely. Again, I’m not blaming his mentality, not blaming Oda for being so human, but that’s basically what happened, and it was selfish. So writing anything post-bombing, I think about this a lot; Oda is a genuinely kind and loving person, there’s no doubt about it, and he wants only the best for Dazai and the kids for their own sakes, but at the same time, if he feels like his morals/beliefs are trampled on/destroyed in any way so that he can’t uphold them anymore, he’s just done, and nothing else and no one else matters in his mind anymore. Dazai never would have been “saved” by his last words if he hadn’t approached Oda himself, and as good as the ADA is for him, he would be much better there with his best friend who understands him the most, if Oda hadn’t decided to get himself offed instead.

Dazai

First and most obviously, Dazai rarely ever lets himself show any part of his emotional side. If anyone tries to question his behavior or things he says worryingly/shows concern for him, he’ll try to brush it off with some lie about him daydreaming about a creative suicide or something. He’s worse about this overdramatic goofiness in ADA-era, despite being in a better setting, because he was more inclined to get gloomier/more depressing/deeper into his bleak mind with Oda, who didn’t mind any of his behavior. Imo Dazai is of the opinion that no one in the ADA really cares about what’s going on in his mind/his emotions like Oda did, which unfortunately most of them give the impression of (even if they don’t mean it, they really need to get better about it… looking at u, Kunikida), so he acts even more over-the-top in order to annoy them even more, so there’s even less of a chance for them to worry about him, ever. He’s not comfortable sharing how he really feels with anyone anymore, so he makes sure no one ever wants to ask or wonder (”oh it’s just Dazai being Dazai, as usual”). That being said…

I’m sure there are days when he’s worse, and it’s a lot harder for him to hide it in the ADA. Atsushi obviously is most likely the only person he will ever let himself be somewhat vulnerable around now, and Atsushi will try to help him but not push him too much. So Dazai might share some things, but not too much; probably not until he and Atsushi have been with each other for a long time. Obviously, anything to do with Oda will make it hard for Dazai to retain his goofy facade, particularly Oda’s birthday and the anniversary of his death, among other, random days.

Realted to the above, Dazai never cries imo; the most he will ever allow himself is for his eyes to get barely heated or watery, and of course only when he’s alone. The only time I believe he ever full-on cried was after Oda’s death.

To Dazai, Atsushi represents Oda’s legacy, and in some ways he tries to guide Atsushi in the way that he felt like Oda guided his kids, although I’m sure that he knows he isn’t nearly as good enough for that as Oda was. But Atsushi is definitely extremely important to Dazai for so many reasons, and I’m sure he would definitely do anything to keep him safe, and genuinely be terrified if he was in serious danger.

I believe that Dazai respects Kunikida highly despite how much he trolls him, because Kunikida is basically a mix of Oda and Ango, personality-wise and morals-wise. Behind Atsushi, he’s the person Dazai cares about the most in the present time, as much as he doesn’t show it.

Similarly, imo Dazai highly respects Fukuzawa for how he runs the ADA, and for his morals and how welcoming he is to new members, which, surprise surprise, probably also reminds Dazai of Oda. But there’s another component to it, and that is how Fukuzawa is versus how Dazai’s old boss, Mori, was. It’s obvious that Mori was emotionally and mentally abusive and very unhealthy for Dazai, but I don’t think Dazai himself really felt that horror until Mori “betrayed” him by setting things up so that Oda would be led into death, and then refused to help save his life; Fukuzawa, on the other hand, values every single life of his subordinates, whereas Mori would gladly sacrifice anyone for the sake of the entire organization (and himself), and I think that difference is something that was foreign to Dazai and hard for him to trust at first, but is now something he wholeheartedly appreciates and respects about Fukuzawa. That’s my headcanon, at least, and something I think about with those two (and thinking in general about other major differences in how the ADA operates versus what Dazai just took for granted in the mafia, and how little things might still take him off-guard in the ADA even now).

[leio13]

I was Tagged!!! Thrice!!! (Holy Cow...)

I’m back with 33 more questions to answer! I was gonna make a joke last time about it being the ultimate get-to-know-me post, but I guess not. Good thing I held off on that joke, huh.

1. Post the rules

2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger

3. Write 11 questions of your own

4. And tag 11 people

First, I was tagged by the lovely @missmizpah! Thanks, Emily!

1. Opinion on nuts?

Nuts are alright. Honey nut roasted peanuts though are more than alright. They are some good stuff.

2. Favorite book genre?

Hmm... I don’t really have a favorite genre. I’m really picky about books and a lot of other things honestly but my pickiness applies to all genres. I just like books with complex characters really.

3. Worst injury/illness?

I don’t actually get seriously injured that often; however, there was this one time I dropped my metal water bottle on my thumb. It hurt like hell and there was some blood under the nail. No big deal, right? That’s what I thought too. And I don’t really remember the transition that well, but in a few days, the area under my thumb nail was a navy blue and swelling out under the nail. a lot. It was probably one of the grossest things I’ve seen. good thing my mom took before and after pictures before they drained it. Don’t worry though. I won’t be posting those here.

4. What attracts you to someone platonically?

Er... kindness, loyalty, respect, AKA the really cliche stuff, and uh, chivalry, I guess. Treat me like a princess (for some reason) and you’re halfway there!

5. What was the last dream you had?

I had an interesting dream about Ouma from NDRv3. I went to his house which was more of a shack since his single parent family was super poor. His dad said that Ouma was actually a good boy (I have doubts). Ouma owned a crap ton of rainbow shark plushies (he really liked sharks apparently), and some bad dudes who were pissed at Ouma chased us back to the school (which was apparently a safe place that we wanted to be at). I skipped some details, but that was basically it. Also, keep in mind that I’ve only seen up to the death of chapter 2 (haven’t even started the investigation yet), so I kind of just made these details up in my dream and don’t spoil me. Orz.

6. Are you someone who eats cough drops like candy?

I haven’t had cough drops since I was in eighth grade and thought was I was having an asthma attack and my inhaler wasn’t working. In hindsight, it was a panic attack, but I recall the cough drop working a bit strangely enough. Anyway, I don’t really eat cough drops, no.

7. Native language?

English.

8. What size shoes do you wear?

Size 8 apparently. I think some of my shoes are a 7 1/2 though.

9. What is your current hair length?

Around my shoulders.

10. One habit you’re sure is specific to you?

I don’t know if I have any habits that are specific to me. um... I don’t really like the part of the utensil which you stick in your mouth touching anything besides me, my plate, or a napkin, so I tend to hold utensils in my mouth (knives excluded, duh because they don’t go in your mouth). It’s kind of a habit now, I guess. Does that count?

11. How far would you swim out into the ocean?

Negative feet. I’m not going in the ocean. There are things in there that I want nothing to do with such as seaweed, angry crabs that I could accidentally step on, sharp rocks or shells, sharks, jellyfish, etc.

Next, @excitable-nugget‘s questions! Thanks a bunch, Gnugs!

1. If you could have one sense enhanced, what would it be?

Definitely not taste. Tastes are wonderful (or some of them at least), but I’m already picky as it is, so I don’t really want more tastes to discriminate against. Touch probably wouldn’t be such a good idea either since I get startled easily and tongue (one picky dude, I tell you) is actually pretty sensitive to food textures too. Smell wouldn’t be bad except sometimes when I’m sick, everything smells like vomit, so I don’t really want to risk that being enhanced. Overall, I’m gonna go with sight (yes, I did skip hearing. I didn’t have much to say about it). Better vision in the dark could be pretty lit. Might also help ease some of my night paranoia. 2. Can you link your hands behind your back with one over the shoulder and one under? (like this)

One way. I can do it with my right hand reaching over. Kind of freaked me out though. I wasn’t ready for my hands to meet like that even if it was the goal. 3. Favourite colour to wear, or your favourite colour in general?

Favorite color to wear? Black. I just own a lot of black. Favorite color in general? Orange. 4. What was your internet pseudonym when you were 12-14?

It was Leio13. I’ve been Leio13 for as long as I’ve been on the internet. 5. What’s your favourite meat-based dish? If you don’t eat meat, what’s your favourite dish in general?

My favorite meat dish is steak. It’s just sooooo good. 6. Would you rather be known as wise or strong?

Probably wise. I used to think I was super smart as a kid, but now I feel pretty average and/or stupid/incompetent, so it would be nice for that feeling to come back. 7. What’s your favourite physical feature about yourself?

Probably my hair even if it knots excessively when no one wants it to. 8. Would you rather explore the ocean depths or space?

The ocean is such a vibrant, beautiful place! I love underwater images and would love to see it in person, but it would have to be in a submarine or something because I’m not going out there with only a wet suit protecting my flesh. 9. What’s your favourite snack food?

This is hard... I eat so many snacks. Hmm... I’m feeling ritz bitz. 10. If you could make one thing from fiction (e.g. a character, a place, a food, a machine) real, what would it be?

I don’t really have any deep answers here, but I think Odasaku (as he is in Bungou Stray Dogs) and his orphans being real would be really sweet. They’d be such a cute family. #familygoals 11. Is Australia real or just a conspiracy?

Australia? don’t know her.

Finally, I was tagged by the wonderful @chom-raaa! Thanks, Chomra!

1. Heroes gone bad or villains becoming good?

How could I choose???? They’re both so fantastic!! Wonderful character development opportunities abound with both!! ...that being said, while I appreciate the psychology of both of them, I tend to side with the good guys, so if all you wonderful villains could join the side I support, I guess that would be better.

2. Did you ever get in trouble in school? When was the last time and what was it about?

er... I don’t think so. No wait. One time, we were playing a game in class but my friend and I got out, so we were chatting on the sidelines even though we were supposed to be paying attention to those still playing (this was an ice breaker game). Anyway, the teacher said something about being quiet, and my dense self took it as “you can continue talking but quietly,” so I did. The teacher had to yell again for it to click with me. This was in like 5th grade, but I’m still disappointed in that me. I wasn’t that dense normally in fifth grade.

3. Hot drinks or cold drinks?

cold drinks. 

4. Any siblings? Older/younger? Would you have it any other way?

I’ve got two amazing siblings, both older than me! I don’t really think I would want it any other way. I’m content with what I have now.

5. You most prized possession?

My technology and anime merch maybe? 

6. What’s a fandom trope that makes you uncomfortable?

hoo boy. Where to begin??? I hate slave AUs (can’t really understand why you would like them). As you probably already know, I dislike smut, so the appeal of A/B/O universes is beyond me entirely. er... sexualizing characters? calling out the soukoku fandom: Chuuya always seems to be the more sexy one who other dudes and Dazai are always eyeing and lusting after. Like, can we appreciate the guy for more than his looks and impeccable fashion taste?? uh... also, Fyodor being depicted as some dude who is dead set on destroying soukoku (usually by the means of torturing Chuuya in some way to hurt Dazai which by the way is just... no.). I’m pretty sure Fyodor has better things to do??? Like kill all ability users?? Er, sorry. Not sure if you wanted specific fandom tropes or not, but uh, yeah.

7. What do find attractive in a fictional character?

BLAZERS!!

If you meant personality wise, I like passionate, kind characters, and also the mysterious, probably misunderstood type.

8. If could bring a character back to life but sacrifice another character in return (major-ish characters for those fandoms with a big cast), who would you choose?

Bringing back Odasaku, sending Fyodor to hell where he belongs. Of course, I wouldn’t actually because as much as I cry over the events of the dark era, I know that these things needed to happen for Dazai to end up where he is currently.

You know what? Better idea: still bringing back Odasaku but killing Lovecraft. The dude should’ve died after Chuuya destroyed him. I’m still bitter about his survival even if his parting scene was hilarious.

9. Long fics or short fics? In terms of both reading and writing?

I’m typically hesitant to read long fics because I have difficulty keeping up or finishing things. I bet there are a plethora of interesting long fics out there that I haven’t clicked on because I fear my motivation might die before I finish them. Likewise, it takes me centuries to write long fics, but I do really admire the art! Creating a complex story that spans over chapters is an epic feat that should not be underestimated. That being said, I do love short fics too! Short fics that still fill me with intense emotions are an equally epic thing. Like, how do you get so many feels in so little words???

10. Are you content with who you are?

haha nah. There are a lot of things about me that I wish were better. For one, i wish my motivation actually existed. I’m so unmotivated to do anything, even the littlest of things. Even things that I know would be fun. I just can’t convince myself to do them... Orz. Er... There are more things, but I don’t want to make this super sad. You came here for memes, not angst! Maybe not, but anyway...

11. What is holding you back from getting what you want?

I don’t know what this thing I want is referring to, but I’d bet 5000 imaginary monies that its my motivation or anxiety that’s interfering. 

Thanks for the wonderful questions, y’all! <3

Now, it’s my turn!

er... actually, I’m not feeling any creative question vibes, so if I tag you, please refer to the questions of the last time did this meme (psst! over here!). Without further ado, I’m tagging @haruki-00, @dusttodawnn, @melrw22, @bandaged-chessmaster, @ai-san-arts, @4nimenut, @96percentdone, @monokumamastermind, @sadtiredbaby, @wymoup-nox, and @yesterdayohhowimissit! As usual, only do it if you want, and do it if you want but you weren’t tagged.