#i will forever love that callum is the one who actually Said it first tbh

[raayllum]

The stages of saying I love you (insp)

[sunsetsover]

Happy Birthday!! I always enjoy your eastenders content! If you want a prompt, I am p interested in how you view Ben trying to become less crime involved and what that means for his character, and how you think Phil will react to Ben's behavior??

thank you!!! and thank you for enjoying my ‘content’ (calling what i do content seems disrespectful to the people who do create actual quality content lmao), i’m glad!! i’m not exactly sure what you mean by prompt, but i can certainly talk abt my opinions on it all a little bit!!

from the spoilers, i believe we’ll actually get the answer to these questions in the coming weeks! i won’t go into detail in case you don’t want spoilers, but all i will say is that we’re going to see phil’s reaction to ben’s choice sooner rather than later.

as for my take on it, i think ben’s relationship with crime is kind of a complicated thing tbh. as much as i love dark ben, i don’t think those cruel, manipulative parts of him were ever just like... a part of his nature. they’re like.... adaptations, because of the things that have happened to him during his life and because of who his family are and who his dad is. i don’t think a life of crime - no matter how serious or petty the crimes in question were - would have ever been on the cards for ben had his dad not been phil mitchell. like he was a quiet, shy kid who liked musicals. not exactly criminal material, is it?

but then he moves back in with his dad when kathy ‘dies’ and sees how much of a ‘man’s man’ phil is and is not too young to realize that phil doesn’t really know what to make of him and then you combine that with stella’s abuse and manipulation (telling ben - a 10 year old child - that he was weak and pathetic and that his dad thought he was weak and pathetic too because ben wasn’t like him and that phil is the Epitome of what a Man Should Be, and that he has to be like his dad or else he will be weak and pathetic forever) and him realizing he’s gay (i don’t need to explain why this was a fucking nightmare for phil mitchell’s son, do i?), and him changing and becoming bitter and cruel and acting out makes sense. not only was he essentially manipulated into it, but it was a survival tactic on so many levels. plus he was a little boy, and he wanted his dad’s love and approval and attention! that’s normal! that’s understandable! but the sad reality is ben’s dad is phil mitchell, and basically the only way he could get any of those things was by acting out and doing bad things which undoubtedly reinforced the idea in his head that if he does bad things and hurts people then his dad would love and respect him more, and then the older and more confident and more desperate for his dad’s love and attention he got (not to mention the fact that he probably felt the need to ‘make up’ for the fact he was gay), the worse the things he was doing would get. and eventually this way of thinking changed from ‘if i act this way, my dad will love me’ to ‘if i act this way, people will respect me’, and then eventually it became less of an act and more an uncontrollable part of his character. but really, he really stood no chance at all in that house. he was bound to get fucked up to a certain degree, just growing up and seeing what his dad was like.

and now he’s an adult, and he really was not lying when he said he doesn’t know anything else. what the audience need to understand is that the way ben views things - himself, his relationships with others, how to create and maintain healthy relationships with others, how to treat other people etc - is fucked up! it’s warped! and it’s warped mostly because of his dad!! and i think ben is at a point in his life now where he can recognize these things (to a degree - although that’s much better than not bein able to recognize it at all - and imo ever since he first come back this has improved a lot) and can recognize that most roads lead back to phil, but he’s also not necessarily able to change those things. he’s trying, that much is obvious, but this is years and years of ingrained abuse and trauma and learned behaviour!! he can’t just get over that, especially not alone!! he needs help! and were it up to me, he’d be getting professional help!!! which is why i think callum has been so naive about this whole ‘just stop doing illegal things!’ thing he has going on - not only in the sense that you can’t just go ‘oh i’m on the straight and narrow now’ and have there not be any repercussions, but because this is years and years of ben’s life that he’s having to basically give up (ok you could argue that it’s not much to give up, but that’s not the point, and that doesn’t make it any easier), and also because imo ben’s relationship with crime is directly linked to his trauma and directly linked to his relationship with his dad. the only time his dad wants anything to so with him or shows him any kind of respect is still when ben’s doing jobs for him, p much. to a certain degree, ben’s ability to do dodgy shit determines his self worth because it has always determined how his dad sees him, and how his dad has seen him has determined how ben sees himself imo (again, not entirely, but to a certain degree). plus it’s a respect thing. he’s talked about his reputation before, and if he has a reputation then he has respect and ben wants respect, that much is clear. and i think that’s to make up for the fact he rarely got that respect when he was growing up, you know?

(plus, just my personal opinion, but i still think there’s a part of him that feels the need to ‘make up’ for the fact that he’s gay in his dad’s eyes. i think he’s come a long way (esp when you look at harry’s ben vs max’s ben) and i don’t necessarily think he’s ashamed of or sorry for who he is anymore, but judging by his actions i do think there’s still a part of him that’s like ‘well i couldn’t be the son he wanted in that respect, but i can be the son he wanted in this respect’, does that make sense? like a ‘i know he doesn’t like me being gay, so the least i can give him is this’ kind of thing, mixed in with the ‘this is the only way i can get my dad’s respect, this is the only way i can make him love me’ thing.)

basically: imo ben’s desire to do these illegal, criminal things is not as much to do with him liking doing them or wanting the money or anything like that, but it’s more bc in his head that kind of behaviour is linked to his relationship with his dad and his trauma and how he views himself. and despite his best efforts, ben was never gonna be able to just walk away from it all and have that be that, you know? because it’s not that simple.

as for phil’s reaction, it’s gonna go exactly how you expect it to go: badly. there’ll probably be some manipulation (i see something along the lines of ‘what, you’re gonna fuck over your own dad for someone you’ve been seeing for five minutes?’ being said) to get ben back on side. probably some dramatic shit about ‘ruining the family legacy’ or smth. he’ll probably make fun of ben similarly to how jay did but in a much less jovial, ‘i’m only teasing’ way. probably say some shit about callum. i see ben putting up a fight and defending himself (and callum) at first, but phil can wear ben down like no one else and will having him doubting himself in record time. phil will probably say some shit like ‘you gonna let callum tell you what to do, are ya? he says jump and you say how high, is that it?’ and that will absolutely press ben’s buttons and he’ll be desperate to prove that that’s not the case and phil will have manipulated him back onside, just like that. like it’s that easy. which it is really, bc despite what he says ben still wants his dad’s love and approval more than anything.

it’s gonna be horrible, basically. ben’s gonna be caught between a rock and hard place, not knowing what to do or who to listen to. he’s going to be so conflicted between not wanting to fuck up his relationship with callum (bc he clearly cares about callum A Lot) and keeping callum happy and allowing him to do what he wants to do and also trying to keep his dad happy and not fall out with him bc like i said, despite what he says ben still wants his dad’s love and approval more than anything and it would crush him to be cast out by him again after everything that’s happened, esp after they seem to have been getting along so well. so i think he’s going to struggle a lot over the next few weeks, trying to decide what to do. bc u know... despite him adoring callum and wanting their relationship to work and ben taking steps to make that happen, it’s been clear that he hasn’t exactly been over the moon abt going legit. (callum definitely didn’t force him, but after it was clear callum wasn’t changing his mind, ben obviously felt like the only options were him going legit and them breaking up, and after realizing he didn’t want to lose callum, he was only left with one option. so it wasn’t really a choice for him, was it?) and phil has a hold over him like no one else does, so who knows how this is all going to play out. like ben being on the straight and narrow isn’t going to last long - at least right now - but beyond that? callum’s reaction? the long term? who knows!! not me!!

but yh it just sucks bc you know ben has a Struggle coming and it’s gonna be horrible to watch bc no one deserves to be happy more than ben :-(

💖💖💖