#i will forever love that callum is the one who actually Said it first tbh

[raayllum]

The stages of saying I love you (insp)

[sunsetsover]

Happy Birthday!! I always enjoy your eastenders content! If you want a prompt, I am p interested in how you view Ben trying to become less crime involved and what that means for his character, and how you think Phil will react to Ben's behavior??

thank you!!! and thank you for enjoying my ‘content’ (calling what i do content seems disrespectful to the people who do create actual quality content lmao), i’m glad!! i’m not exactly sure what you mean by prompt, but i can certainly talk abt my opinions on it all a little bit!!

from the spoilers, i believe we’ll actually get the answer to these questions in the coming weeks! i won’t go into detail in case you don’t want spoilers, but all i will say is that we’re going to see phil’s reaction to ben’s choice sooner rather than later.

as for my take on it, i think ben’s relationship with crime is kind of a complicated thing tbh. as much as i love dark ben, i don’t think those cruel, manipulative parts of him were ever just like... a part of his nature. they’re like.... adaptations, because of the things that have happened to him during his life and because of who his family are and who his dad is. i don’t think a life of crime - no matter how serious or petty the crimes in question were - would have ever been on the cards for ben had his dad not been phil mitchell. like he was a quiet, shy kid who liked musicals. not exactly criminal material, is it?

but then he moves back in with his dad when kathy ‘dies’ and sees how much of a ‘man’s man’ phil is and is not too young to realize that phil doesn’t really know what to make of him and then you combine that with stella’s abuse and manipulation (telling ben - a 10 year old child - that he was weak and pathetic and that his dad thought he was weak and pathetic too because ben wasn’t like him and that phil is the Epitome of what a Man Should Be, and that he has to be like his dad or else he will be weak and pathetic forever) and him realizing he’s gay (i don’t need to explain why this was a fucking nightmare for phil mitchell’s son, do i?), and him changing and becoming bitter and cruel and acting out makes sense. not only was he essentially manipulated into it, but it was a survival tactic on so many levels. plus he was a little boy, and he wanted his dad’s love and approval and attention! that’s normal! that’s understandable! but the sad reality is ben’s dad is phil mitchell, and basically the only way he could get any of those things was by acting out and doing bad things which undoubtedly reinforced the idea in his head that if he does bad things and hurts people then his dad would love and respect him more, and then the older and more confident and more desperate for his dad’s love and attention he got (not to mention the fact that he probably felt the need to ‘make up’ for the fact he was gay), the worse the things he was doing would get. and eventually this way of thinking changed from ‘if i act this way, my dad will love me’ to ‘if i act this way, people will respect me’, and then eventually it became less of an act and more an uncontrollable part of his character. but really, he really stood no chance at all in that house. he was bound to get fucked up to a certain degree, just growing up and seeing what his dad was like.

and now he’s an adult, and he really was not lying when he said he doesn’t know anything else. what the audience need to understand is that the way ben views things - himself, his relationships with others, how to create and maintain healthy relationships with others, how to treat other people etc - is fucked up! it’s warped! and it’s warped mostly because of his dad!! and i think ben is at a point in his life now where he can recognize these things (to a degree - although that’s much better than not bein able to recognize it at all - and imo ever since he first come back this has improved a lot) and can recognize that most roads lead back to phil, but he’s also not necessarily able to change those things. he’s trying, that much is obvious, but this is years and years of ingrained abuse and trauma and learned behaviour!! he can’t just get over that, especially not alone!! he needs help! and were it up to me, he’d be getting professional help!!! which is why i think callum has been so naive about this whole ‘just stop doing illegal things!’ thing he has going on - not only in the sense that you can’t just go ‘oh i’m on the straight and narrow now’ and have there not be any repercussions, but because this is years and years of ben’s life that he’s having to basically give up (ok you could argue that it’s not much to give up, but that’s not the point, and that doesn’t make it any easier), and also because imo ben’s relationship with crime is directly linked to his trauma and directly linked to his relationship with his dad. the only time his dad wants anything to so with him or shows him any kind of respect is still when ben’s doing jobs for him, p much. to a certain degree, ben’s ability to do dodgy shit determines his self worth because it has always determined how his dad sees him, and how his dad has seen him has determined how ben sees himself imo (again, not entirely, but to a certain degree). plus it’s a respect thing. he’s talked about his reputation before, and if he has a reputation then he has respect and ben wants respect, that much is clear. and i think that’s to make up for the fact he rarely got that respect when he was growing up, you know?

(plus, just my personal opinion, but i still think there’s a part of him that feels the need to ‘make up’ for the fact that he’s gay in his dad’s eyes. i think he’s come a long way (esp when you look at harry’s ben vs max’s ben) and i don’t necessarily think he’s ashamed of or sorry for who he is anymore, but judging by his actions i do think there’s still a part of him that’s like ‘well i couldn’t be the son he wanted in that respect, but i can be the son he wanted in this respect’, does that make sense? like a ‘i know he doesn’t like me being gay, so the least i can give him is this’ kind of thing, mixed in with the ‘this is the only way i can get my dad’s respect, this is the only way i can make him love me’ thing.)

basically: imo ben’s desire to do these illegal, criminal things is not as much to do with him liking doing them or wanting the money or anything like that, but it’s more bc in his head that kind of behaviour is linked to his relationship with his dad and his trauma and how he views himself. and despite his best efforts, ben was never gonna be able to just walk away from it all and have that be that, you know? because it’s not that simple.

as for phil’s reaction, it’s gonna go exactly how you expect it to go: badly. there’ll probably be some manipulation (i see something along the lines of ‘what, you’re gonna fuck over your own dad for someone you’ve been seeing for five minutes?’ being said) to get ben back on side. probably some dramatic shit about ‘ruining the family legacy’ or smth. he’ll probably make fun of ben similarly to how jay did but in a much less jovial, ‘i’m only teasing’ way. probably say some shit about callum. i see ben putting up a fight and defending himself (and callum) at first, but phil can wear ben down like no one else and will having him doubting himself in record time. phil will probably say some shit like ‘you gonna let callum tell you what to do, are ya? he says jump and you say how high, is that it?’ and that will absolutely press ben’s buttons and he’ll be desperate to prove that that’s not the case and phil will have manipulated him back onside, just like that. like it’s that easy. which it is really, bc despite what he says ben still wants his dad’s love and approval more than anything.

it’s gonna be horrible, basically. ben’s gonna be caught between a rock and hard place, not knowing what to do or who to listen to. he’s going to be so conflicted between not wanting to fuck up his relationship with callum (bc he clearly cares about callum A Lot) and keeping callum happy and allowing him to do what he wants to do and also trying to keep his dad happy and not fall out with him bc like i said, despite what he says ben still wants his dad’s love and approval more than anything and it would crush him to be cast out by him again after everything that’s happened, esp after they seem to have been getting along so well. so i think he’s going to struggle a lot over the next few weeks, trying to decide what to do. bc u know... despite him adoring callum and wanting their relationship to work and ben taking steps to make that happen, it’s been clear that he hasn’t exactly been over the moon abt going legit. (callum definitely didn’t force him, but after it was clear callum wasn’t changing his mind, ben obviously felt like the only options were him going legit and them breaking up, and after realizing he didn’t want to lose callum, he was only left with one option. so it wasn’t really a choice for him, was it?) and phil has a hold over him like no one else does, so who knows how this is all going to play out. like ben being on the straight and narrow isn’t going to last long - at least right now - but beyond that? callum’s reaction? the long term? who knows!! not me!!

but yh it just sucks bc you know ben has a Struggle coming and it’s gonna be horrible to watch bc no one deserves to be happy more than ben :-(

💖💖💖

[itsnanasims]

100 questions no one asks

I was tagged by @tickledsims to do this tag and I have to say I loved doing it so here goes

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

Closed of course

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

No, I don’t, I’m kind of “polite” (not the better wording) in that way

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

Welp they’re tucked in when the bed is made but it’s only made like twice a year so it gets messy. I do have to have the bottom tucked in, but other than that it’s fine

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

I have never even thought about it, should I? Seems fun

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

It’s pretty rare. I use it for school books and maybe if there’s something I want to remind myself of because when you have a memory as bad as mine you need some methods. I do have a bunch of non post-it notes with ideas and thoughts I have which aren’t organized at all yet they’re lying around in my bedroom and it’s so messy... and I keep writing stuff down which adds on... oh man

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

I don’t even get coupons

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

I HATE beens ever since I was stung right below the eye when I was opening a door and so I got caught by surprise and that shit was serious, my whole face was sort of bloated for a whole friggin week and it wasn’t pretty it looked like some accident (and it was?) so I guess the bear, even though I wouldn’t know if I should run or play dead, sorry for the long story

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

No, but I wouldn’t mind at all, I’d probably learn to love them! I do that with myself

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

No, I’m not photogenic at all so it’s actually better if I don’t. Even though I kind of have a resting bitch face so I need to have a balance between smile and not smile lmao

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

People. Lmao seriously there are some people that really like to annoy me. I’m one of those poor humans some people just like to annoy? I never get seriously mad, or even mad tbh... I don’t really know what my biggest pet peeve is, I don’t really have many, I like to be a chill person

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

No, never ever

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

I have. Never again

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

No, thank god

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?

Even with music it’s hard for me to dance

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

I don’t think so, but I like biting my school and bus cards since they’re the ones I use the most. Side note, that chewed pen on my case wasn’t me and the piece of my bus card that fell off wasn’t me either

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

That’s a zero

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

It’s a double bed for a forever alone girl

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

Kind of an easy one. It’s Night’s with You by MØ

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

Yeah wtf I’m all for equality

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

... does Dragon Ball count... I’m watching the new episodes as they come out each Sunday with my brother, who is older than me 😂 I am in no way ashamed

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

I don’t know. If it’s bad I’ll just forget. I guess I haven’t seen one worth remembering from being so bad

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

Depends on the treasure, but my messy room would probably do? I dare anyone to try and find anything. Believe me, I tried not too long ago to find something and couldn’t. It’s not THAT messy but... it sorta is

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

That would be water

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

What DO you dip a chicken nugget in?

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Lasagna!

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

Nerd alert, but I used to watch Lord of the Rings several times, like the whole trilogy. I related so bad when Clay said he did that too in 13 reasons why. Tbh I could still watch them. I really like medieval themes. I’m not really that obsessed anymore and I haven’t watched it for pretty long now but I don’t really have a better answer? My memory is pretty bad to think of one

27. LAST PERSON, YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU?

I don’t remember. I’m that girl who’s always sort of tough despite being the shortest even though I then love a good romance but don’t tell

28. WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT?

No..

29. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

I don’t think so, lol!

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER?

Years ago! When I could simply not care at all about class and write my friends some “I love you, you’re my bff, remember this” sorta notes. Now I think it was lame af but I still have some of them in my room

31. CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL ON A CAR?

I can’t

32. EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET?

Just wait a couple of months till I get my license

33. EVER RAN OUT OF GAS?

Same answer

34. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SANDWICH?

Either with cheese or mortadella with olives. Or both, of course. Even better if I heat it just a bit so the cheese melts

35. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

Cereal

36. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

It used to be pretty wild but now I usually get to bed before midnight

37. ARE YOU LAZY?

Af

38. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

When I was a kid we didn’t even “have” Halloween here, we just went dressed normally the next morning which is a different tradition but still similar and ask for candy... so we still had candy

I miss that candy, too bad I’m old now

39. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

Rabbit

40. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

Only two, Portuguese and English. I had French classes but I high key learned nothing, I know a few words but if I went to France you’d see me speaking English (I did that, but in Belgium and I’m proud of myself for that. No offense to the French or the language, it’s just like geography, a bunch of years I spent learning and now I just don’t remember much)

41. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS?

No

42. WHICH ARE BETTER: LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS?

THIS WAS NOT A PART OF MY CHILDHOOD

43. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

Damn right I am and proud to be

44. WHO IS BETTER: LENO OR LETTERMAN?

No idea

45. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

When I was younger, yeah

46. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

I got somewhat scared when I was sliding down a zip because I was looking directly down a zip, it was a new experience, but then I just looked around me and appreciated the view

47. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

No

48. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

It’s pretty rare and only if I’m home alone (in which case I sing anywhere I want as long as I feel like it)

49. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

Haha no

50. EVER USED A GUN?

Oh I wish. I did use a bow and arrow though

51. LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER?

Just last week I took a photo with all my class. Ok that’s not a portrait, I hate taking photos and everyone knows it, I suck at it, I’m really not photogenic at all, I always look weird?

52. DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY?

Kind of, yeah. But I don’t watch them very much

53. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

Not at all! Though I’m sooooo lazy to decorate for it

54. EVER EAT A PIEROGI?

No, I haven’t, I had to see what it is. Here in Portugal we have “pastel de nata” though, it’s really good (and kind of famous I guess) and I dunno why I just said that

55. FAVORITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE?

Almond (I admit that I didn’t know if it was a fruit)

56. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

I always wanted to be a vet and have a clinic and take care of cute little animals and have a bunch of them at home. As I got older I forgot about that of course

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

Not really, I’m not superstitious at all, but I like supernatural stories so go figure

58. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

Sure! Several times

59. DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY?

No

60. DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS?

Very rarely, I’m always just wearing socks around the house. I take them off when I’m sitting so I’m too lazy to put them on

61. DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE?

I do

62. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

Comfy pajamas

63. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT?

It was a Portuguese band, Xutos e Pontapés, with my parents lol! I’ll always remember it because our car was robbed :)

64. WALMART, TARGET, OR KMART?

I have none of these in my country. Walmart for memes though

65. NIKE OR ADIDAS?

THIS IS HARD maybe Adidas

66. CHEETOS OR FRITOS?

Cheetos, mostly due to nostalgia (?)

67. PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS?

I don’t like peanuts (I feel like I could get hate for this) and sunflower seeds barely have any taste?

68. EVER HEAR OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN?

I haven’t, but I know the meaning so I guess french classes for 3 years did something

69. EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS?

Noooo I suck

70. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

Heck I don’t even know if I wanna get married

71. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE?

Yes I can, though only one time, I used to have a friend who could curl it more than once? I dunno how to explain it

72. EVER WON A SPELLING BEE?

Yep

73. HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY?

Not really, only from laughing too hard

74. OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS?

No... should I...

75. OWN A RECORD PLAYER?

No

76. DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE?

I don’t know if I’ve ever done it actually

77. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

I don’t think so, not truly

78. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT?

THIS IS HARD. I can never get too fixated on just one artist, I legit don’t know what to answer but ok since I’m Portuguese and Salvador Sobral won Eurovision I guess I’d like to see him sing. Also Banks, The Weeknd, Coldplay, Callum Scott’s Dancing on my own, James Arthur, OneRepublic, X Ambassadors, Blackbear (in no particular order)

79. WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW?

Damn it, I don’t even remember

80. HOT TEA OR COLD TEA?

I never even think of drinking it cold

81. TEA OR COFFEE?

Coffee! I drink it pretty often actually. But then there are some pretty good tea too

82. SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES?

Idk, sugar cookies?

83. CAN YOU SWIM WELL?

Not really which is kinda lame since I live right by the sea

84. CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE?

Are there people who can’t? I’m confused

85. ARE YOU PATIENT?

Not at all

86. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

No

87. EVER WON A CONTEST?

It wasn’t really a contest? It was pretty small, but I was 1st place on this spelling contest in 6th grade. It wasn’t just done in a day though, it was over the year and it was just with my other classmates so we weren’t even 30. I won a pretty cool bookmarker which I still have and use sometimes

88. HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?

No

89. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

BLACK. It’s a miracle if I eat a green one and like it.

90. CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET?

My mom wanted (and wants?) me to learn but I’m pretty much always like “hell no”

91. BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE?

Living room, next to the tv?

92. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

I’m not sure. I get the idea of it, but I feel like getting married would take away my freedom? I don’t know exactly how to explain it, I feel like things go a bit downhill from there, maybe not to all, but I just don’t want to ruin a good relationship even though it’s not the purpose. Also I’m not really interested in kids so there’s that. Then again, I’m pretty young rn so idk I feel like this answer is pretty immature

93. IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

No

94. WHO WAS YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH?

Who IS my high school crush 😝 he’s sort of the class clown

95. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

No, I’m already kind of childish enough, no need to start throwing fits lol ok maybe not crying but I’m a little stubborn sometimes

96. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No

97. DO YOU WANT KIDS?

Idk, it’s definitely not on my mind, I don’t imagine my future that far ahead

98. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? White, black, grey... neutrals. I’m always wearing neutral colors and if not then something not too bright but if I had to choose a non neutral then blue

99. DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW?

Not really

100. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TAG TO DO THIS TAG NEXT?

Ok this time I want to actually tag some people so I’ll just tag @simmyemmy @eefahsims @itstwina @forgottondawn (if you all feel like it) and anyone else who wants to do it!