#i will forever defend his appearance cause he is really one of the most beautiful boy that i have ever met | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thunderfox85 · 3 years ago

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The Thunder Breaking In Your Heart

Raiden x F!Reader

Warnings: smut, jealousy, mentions of violence, rough sex, NSFW

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Raiden stands in the entryway to the chapel, fumbling with a small cluster of buttercup flowers that made up the boutonnière. No matter how hard he tries, he can't get it to stay in place.

You watch from the doorway of the room where Sonya is putting her finishing touches on as she prepares to walk down the aisle. As you watch Raiden struggle with the flowers, you briefly wonder what it would be like to have him look at you the way Cage looked at Sonya, but dismissed it just as quickly as it appeared in your thoughts. Raiden was beyond such mortal feelings. Deciding he had struggled enough, you moved out into the hallway and towards the chapel doors.

" Here,let me help you," you says you reach him. You look up and pause, waiting for him to give permission. You know he doesn't care to be touched if not necessary. He looks down at you, even with the 3" pumps, you're barely eye level with the massive expanse that is his chest.

" Assistance would be greatly appreciated," Raiden says calmly, neither his voice nor his face give away any of the thoughts swirling in his head. Almost imperceptibly, he held his breath as you took the boutonniere from his hand, your fingers brushing his as you do so. You try to hide the hitch in your breath at the contact, you vowed no one would never know of your attraction to the Thunder God, including Raiden himself. If he noticed, he gave nothing away as you affix the flowers to the breast of his pale, silvery blue tabard.

"There," you say as you smooth out the fabric around it.

"All set." You look up, flashing him a brilliant smile, the light dancing in your eyes, blushing ever so slightly. Realizing your hands were still on him, you quickly withdrew them.

"I'm sorry! Forgive me, Lord Raiden, " you manage to mumble out. His silence causing you to further kick yourself mentally for overstepping the carefully set boundaries.

"I appreciate your help, " Raiden finally answers. Standing rigidly, his face showing no emotion.

"I should see if Sonya is ready, it's nearly time. " you retreat back to the bridal room to finish any last minute details.

Raiden's composure nearly broke. His thoughts racing as he struggled top calm the pounding of his heart and maintain his even breath. The moment you had stepped from the room across the hall, you had captivated him. It caught him off guard at how breathtakingly beautiful you looked in the pale, silvery blue dress,with its buttercup yellow sash carefully wrapped at your waist accentuating the curves found beneath. The color complimenting your skin. The Thunder God had never seen you in makeup before. Your eyes shown bright, enhanced by the smoky shadow and winged liner. Here could have stared into their depths forever. Your lips were the softest of pink and he found himself wondering how they would feel against his own. Before he had realized it, you were before him, offering help with the pin. The way you had paused waiting for permission briefly had him wondering if you would be this submissive beneath him. He immediately had to rein in his wayward thoughts. He had answered curtly and held his breath at your touch, so as not to alert you to the impurity of his imaginings. He thought for sure you would feel the thunderous beat of his heart as you smoothed the fabric surrounding this ridiculous accessory. Then you smiled.

By the Elder Gods, it was as if you held the light and warmth of the sun! He couldn't move, couldn't speak. He barely managed to voice his thanks before you retreated to the bridal room again. He stood there lost in thought, not noticing Johnny Cage's approach.

"Earth to Rai-dude! Everything on okay? You're not having more visions are you? " Cage asked with a concerned look. Raiden shakes his head to dispel the intruding thoughts.

"No, Johnny Cage. There are no visions this day, " he says avoiding Cage's gaze.

"Well, whatever, or " Cage says with a wink, "whoever has you so distracted, I hope it works out for you, Sparky." Cage laughs at Raiden's disdainful look.

"I assure you, " Raiden begins sternly, "I am above such temptations. The situation is of low concern. "

"Whatever you say my dude, " Cage smirks. "I see how you look at her when you think no one's watching."

"With her propensity for getting into dangerous predicaments, I am merely watching out for her safety. " Raiden responds exasperatedly. Johnny Cage was irritatingly observant sometimes.

"Sure....." Cage says skeptically while checking his watch. "Alright, Rai-man! It's showtime! " he says excitedly, throwing jazz hands. Liu Kang and Jax had joined them and the four of them made their way into the chapel to take their places.

A hush fell over the guests, as Kung Lao and another Shaolin Monk opened the double doors of the temple wide. Vera Briggs, Kitana, and yourself walk down the gilded aisle. You look up at the altar and immediately lock eyes with Raiden. He is absolutely stunning, towering over the other three men easily. Feeling the heat rising to your cheeks, you tear your gaze away from him as you take your place on the dais. You miss Raiden's expression change from stoic to wide eyed and slack jawed as you moved into position. Fujin catches your eye from the throng of guests seated before you, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

He must really like weddings, you thought. You didn't see Jax reach over and lift Raiden's chin, effectively closing his mouth. Cage notices and whispers, "Hey man, that situation had moved up your priority list? " he jabs chuckling. Raiden had no time to bite out a retort as the music starts. Two flower girls walk down the aisle gently flinging white petals about. Sonya makes her entrance.

The ceremony becomes a blur. Every time you let your eyes roam, they always find Raiden watching you. The blue- white orbs taking on an intensity you have never seen before. It causes you to feel entirely too warm and butterflies to work up from the pit of your stomach and into your chest, where they remain for the duration of the ceremony. You barely register the officiant announcing "You may kiss the bride!" exuberantly . You look past the happy couple, tho find Raiden still has not taken his eyes off you. Blushing profusely, you try to look anywhere but him. You catch Kitana's eye and she gives you a knowing smirk. You look away quickly only to find the Wind God watching you with a mischievous glint in his expression.

Oh no! You thought knowing that look. Fujin was planning on irritating his older brother. You nearly miss your cue to follow the newly weds off the dais. You move as if on autopilot, following the other bridesmaids as they each paired up with their partners.

What is Fujin planning this time? you thought mildly panicked. He had pushed Raiden to near violence with his pranks and teasing in the past, especially where you were concerned. Raiden didn't tolerate jokes played on him at your expense. He defended your honor as fiercely as he did Earthrealm. You feel a sudden touch at your elbow, startling you out of your worried ponderings. You hadn't noticed Raiden had fallen in step beside you, and even though it had been rehearsed nearly to death, you still flinched at the sudden contact. Raiden gently took your elbow, coaxing your arm to intertwine with his, just as it had been practiced. You breath shallowed as your pulse quickened. You weren't sure if the shiver that ran up your spine was from his electric touch or from your own excitement. He looked down at quizzically.

"Are you cold?" He asked in a barely audible whisper.

"A little," you whispered your lie. The truth was you felt entirely too warm, your heart pounding in your ears threatening to drown out all other noise. You were sure he could hear it too. Raiden seemed to accept your answer and disentangled his arm from yours only to drape it across your bare shoulders, pulling you closer to his side. Your sharp inhale gaining another glance from his intense blue-white eyes but he says nothing. Instead, he grazes his thumb over the exposed flesh of your shoulder. Intense, heated desire flushed your skin and made its way deep into your core. You shuddered again and his response was to pull you closer still. You were practically glued to his side. Once outside, the bridal party began to disperse. Separating into groups, and piling into vehicles that would take them to the reception venue, a mountainside resort with cabins for those few invited and a large dining/event hall over looking the valley below. Raiden didn't immediately let go as you made your way to vehicles. Instead, he let his hand skim from your shoulder, down your side, and finally came to rest at your waist where it lingered but a moment before his touch left you. As you climbed into your vehicle, he watched you with the same unwavering intensity he had at the altar. Fujin appeared behind him and said something that must have caught the Thunder God off guard. Judging by the frown on Raiden's face it couldn't have been anything good. The last sight of the two as you pulled away, was Fujin laughing at a scowling Raiden.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The trip to the reception party was only an hour's drive, but it was long enough for your thoughts to comb over every detail of your interactions with the Protector of Earthrealm. Most notably how his hand had felt caressing you. The way it felt like he was undressing you with his eyes. Again you imagined what it would feel like beneath him. Those hands travelling to forbidden places. You blushed at the realization of just how illicit your daydream had become. Pulling into the parking area, you took a moment to collect your composure before exiting and collecting your bags from the trunk. The next three days were going be a much needed vacation. Johnny and Sonya had planned this mini retreat as a thank you to their closest friends for not only defending Earthrealm, but also putting up with Johnny during the planning stages. You smile remembering how much of a diva he is. More than once you and Sonya had to remind him that this wasn't some major blockbuster he was putting out but an intimate gathering for them and their friends. You make your way to your cabin to put away your bags and change into a more comfortable dress for the reception. The cabin was pretty spacious, with its open floor plan, the living area and kitchen were divided by a breakfast bar. The bedroom was mostly occupied by a king sized bed and a chest of drawers along the opposite wall. The bathroom was ensuite and was decorated just as rustic as the rest of the place. Save for very modern looking shower with multiple heads. You placed your bags down and fished out the dress, you hoped it wasn't terribly wrinkled. Placing the yellow dress on a hanger and hanging it on the bathroom door, you begin to undress. The zipper decided now would be a good time to snag and get stuck. You suddenly hear a rustling behind you and spin around, dropping into a fighting stance, only to find Raiden frozen in place at the bedroom door,his massive body filling the doorframe. Your mouth goes dry and suddenly you can't string together and sentence.

"I...I'm s-sorry. There must be...a mistake. I thought. ..I mean.." Raiden stammered and for the first time ever, you see him flustered. Yet he still couldn't take his eyes off you. He had come to speak with Liu Kang, but had found himself in the wrong cabin. He took in every detail, barely contained desire coursing through his every cell. He had indulged himself a little earlier, thinking those small touches would suffice and then he could put distance between the two of you. But they had only fueled his need for more. He was on the edge of a dangerous precipice and all it would take is one nudge to send him over. Out of the blue you find your voice, but you have no control over the words. No filter to stop you from uttering your desire.

"If you're going to stare, you could at least help me with the zipper," you purr, giving a small smile before turning away.

What are you doing, fool!! He's not interested in you like that! He's a God ! You scream at yourself subconsciously. There it was, the final push. He moved with lightningl speed to clear the space between you.

"Then I shall assist you," Raiden whispers in your ear as he places one hand on the zipper and the other at your hip. When did he cross the room? You thought hazily

Your breath hitches and desire runs through your veins like fire, pooling low in your belly. The heat of his breath at your ear sending a shiver of excitement through you even as his knuckles set fire to your spine as he slowly, and effortlessly, unzips your dress. With the task now complete, he removes his hands from you, an involuntary groan of protest escapes you before you even have time to reign in your wonton thoughts.

"It appears as though you may need further help discarding this garment, " he says silkily as he comes around you, his gait reminding you of a big cat stalking its prey. It is your turn to stand unmoving, staring hungrily at the God before you. He steps closer, his hands skimming up from your hips, past your sides, brushing along the outer most part of your breasts, and finally coming to rest on your shoulders. His blue-white eyes taking in the swell of your bosom, watching the the rise and fall of your shallowed breaths. A smile hints at the corner of his firm lips. He has you, his prey. And the gleam in his eye says he plans to devour your every quiver and moan. You stand there hypnotized by the grace with which he moves and the predatory look on his face as he glides his hands off your shoulders and down your arms, the dress falling and pooling at your feet, leaving you in your lacy bra and matching thong. He looms over you, offering an appraising look. Finally, you find your voice.

"We're going to be late," you barely whisper. "They'll probably notice if you're not attending the afterparty. " Your pulse is pounding in your ears, neatly drowning out all other sound. Your mind a riotous swirl of emotions and desire. You want him to fuck you, dominate you, own you.

"We have time yet, mortal, " he says haughtily. He leans in, one arm snaking around you to hold you in place and his other hand tips your chin, his lips capturing yours. All the air leaves you, the floor pitches and you are dizzy in his arms. Intense want illicits a moan against his lips. At this, he darts his tongue into your mouth, coaxing yours to dance. You capture his lower lip with your teeth, this time it's his turn to hum out a low rumble of desire. Suddenly he scoops you up, not breaking the kiss, and deposits you on the bed. His seven foot tall frame engulfs you, and you take this opportunity to run your hands down his chest and along his sides, feeling the rippling muscle beneath his clothes.

"You have far too many clothes on, Lord Raiden," you break contact to pant out.

"Have patience, sparrow," he growls as he begins to trace a path along your sensitive flesh with his lips, starting from your neck and gliding down to your breasts. He takes care to shower each equally with softly planted kisses and playful nips, bringing each bud to a peak and sensitizing the tender flesh until you shudder with need.

He makes his was lower still, his fingers tracing a winding path his mouth hungrily follows. You squirm and quiver beneath his expert touch .

"Be still, or I shall have to start again from the beginning," Raiden threatens, giving the sensitive flesh of your inner thigh a tight squeeze. You immediately try to bring your rebellious body under control but failing miserably once his mouth begins it's lazy descent. Before he makes it past your navel, there is a loud knock on the front door and you bolt upright in shock. Raiden quickly stands pressing a finger to his lips, indicating you should be quiet. Another knock is quickly followed by Fujin's voice.

"Brother? " Fujin calls out from porch. Raiden has left you in the bedroom, making sure to close the door silently, and made his way to the front door to confront his brother. You quickly scramble off the bed and shimmy into the yellow dress. You can hear the muffled sounds of conversation as you fix your hair so as not to looked quite so mussed. Snatching your makeup bag from your duffel of toiletries, you dart into the bathroom to fix your lipstick. Once put together, you made your way out into the front room.

"And what brings you to her cabin, instead of our own?" You can hear Fujin ask, knowing he's fishing for information.

" I simply came to escort her to the reception. " Raiden replies rather curtly. " She was not quite ready, so I waited here," he explained, gesturing to the breakfast bar. "What brings you here, brother?" You could hear the accusatory tone in Raiden's voice. The Wind God smiled brightly as he caught sight of you. You briefly met his gaze before blushing brightly and looking elsewhere.

"I also came to escort this beautiful little sparrow to the reception," Fujin responded,using the pet name Raiden called you but a few moments ago, the mirth dancing in his glowing eyes. The muscle in Raiden's jaw twitches with irritation. "But I see I am too late. Save a dance for me, will you? " he grins at you, all but laughing.

"Of course," you agree. You catch sight of Raiden's face, his lips hardened to a thin line. He is not happy hearing you agree to Fujin's request so readily. " But the first one belongs to Raiden, " you quickly amend so as to smooth any ruffled feathers.

"But of course," Fujin agreed with a wink. "It's always good to save the best for last, " he laughed as he turned away, making his way to the reception hall.

"We had better make our way as well, or we shall be late, " Raiden said evenly. His face once more unreadable as he too starts to leave. You fall into step beside him, wondering if he was somehow angry with you.

"I am not angry with you, my pet," he said barely above a whisper as if reading your mind. He said no more the rest of the short walk. Once inside, the two of you made your way to the bridal party table. You noticed it had been rearranged so that each maid and groomsman was paired. Frowning a little, you looked over at Sonya questioningly.

"It was last minute," she started matter of factly. "I didn't want to be caught between lovers' stares," she finished rolling her eyes.

"Oh, " was all you could manage as you took your seat awkwardly next to a very tense diety. You stole a quick glance at him and noted he seemed lost in thought, frustration radiated off of him, making you squirm uncomfortably in your chair. You could still feel the heat of his mouth and hands on you, and your own unmet desire boiled just below the surface barely masked.

I'd like to kick Fujin's ass for interrupting, you thought sourly. You caught a movement out of the corner of your eye and turned to see Kitana and Liu Kang seating themselves next to you, murmuring to one another. Liu looked over at his mentor and then whispered something to Kitana who shook her head. She caught you looking at her and smiled brightly, leaning towards you.

"Perhaps the two of you should go somewhere private and talk before whatever is between you boils over," Kitana whispers.

"It is fine, " you whisper back trying to reassure her and yourself. Her smile falters and as concern flits through her eyes. She leans back nodding and returns to her whispered conversation with Liu. He glances at you and offers a tight smile which you return. Raiden shifts in his seat, drawing your attention. You find him watching you, his face impassive. He shifts his weight in his chair again, this time his thigh brushes against yours as he does so, a smile ghosting at the corners of his mouth as he watches your pupils dilate. You can feel the hum of his touch like static electricity racing along your skin right to your core. You reach for your glass as take a gulp of your moscato. Raiden turns his gaze to Cage at being asked a question.

"Yo, Thunder Bro! Remember that time we were tracking Black Dragon in the Outworld mountains? " Johnny asked excitedly

"I remember all things, Johnny Cage. " Raiden replied evenly folding his hands in his lap.

Jax chuckled, knowing where Johnny was going with this. " Well, I was wondering if you could teach me how to get one of those big cats, " Johnny grinned. From somewhere by the desert bar Kung Lao's voice echoed, "There's NO way that was a CAT !!!"

"So anyway," Johnny said ignoring Kung Lao's outburst as Sonya and Jax snickered at the memory of that interesting mission, "is just the pspsps or is there some secret to it?"

"There is no secret, Johnny Cage," Raiden began, shifting slightly and placing his hand atop your thigh under cover of the tablecloth, giving a firm squeeze and causing searing heat to coil uncomfortably in your sex. "Cats simply gravitate to me. Perhaps we are something of kindred spirits." He smiled wryly at Cage.

"On the next trip to Outworld, I'm getting me a thunder cat!" Johnny quipped and Sonya sputtered her wine.

"Oh no," she said sternly "pump the breaks there hot rod, we are NOT bringing home some Outworld beast"

" Aw, c'mon doll, " Johnny whined. "Think about it, you could train your very own battlecat! "

"No!" Sonya rolled eyes and lovingly smacked Cage on the arm. While they were all discussing whether or not Johnny could actually train an Outworld felid, Raiden brushed his thumb over your thigh. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, earning you another, firmer, squeeze from his massive hand warning you to be still. All through the meal, which seemed to drag on forever, Raiden teased you, discreetly sliding his hand further up your leg and shifting it to rest on the innermost side. Unconsciously you press your legs together to stop his ascent. Suddenly his hand left your thigh, leaving you wanting more. He stood, looking down at you expectantly, offering his hand to you. You realize everyone is making their way to the dance floor in the middle of the event hall to watch the first dance.

"I do believe you promised me a dance. " Raiden's tone was commanding. Glancing up coyly through your lashes, you run your tongue over your bottom lip before smiling shyly.

"Of course, Lord Raiden," you begin silkily, "I am all yours." You take his proffered hand. His grip is vice-like on you as he pulls you to him. His eyes taking on more blue than white in a way like pupils dilating. He leaned close to whisper in your ear, "Not yet, but you will be," his breath sending a shiver of excitement down your spine. Realization dawned on him as he recognized it from your earlier encounter. He now knew you had lied and he was going to punish you for it. He led you to the dancefloor just as the newlyweds finished up their dance. Fujin pounced as soon as you were within range. Sweeping you away as soon as the music began with an impish grin and a wink at his brother. Raiden could only watch with murderous intent as he would not cause a scene here, and Fujin knew it well.

"Fujin! What are you doing?!" You whispered angrily. For the second time this evening, the capricious Wind God had denied you what you truly wanted.

"I am merely dancing with a beautiful woman, " he replied feigning ignorance.

"You know what I mean. I promised Raiden the first dance. Now you've made me break that promise," you stated sourly. You caught sight of the Thunder God prowling around the edge with all the gracefulness of a powerful predator. The only hint of his displeasure was the hard glint to eyes as he watched Fujin dance with you.

"Ah, I'm just having a bit of fun. He's never been the jealous type, it's quite humorous to see him beside himself ," Fujin laughed, his raspy voice like the wind through the trees.

"I really wish you wouldn't antagonize him so much," concern for Fujin's safety becoming more apparent.

" I can handle my brother, dear one. " Fujin gave you a brilliant smile. He was attractive, witty, and fun to be around. But nothing about him captivated you like Raiden did. Fujin's laughter and impish delight was infectious and you found yourself laughing too. He suddenly lifted you up above him and spun you around causing you to squeal out a laugh. Then, the mood shifted as he brought you back down, sliding you down his body before setting you down. You could feel him growing hard against your belly. "Fujin, what the f--" you were cut off by a vice grip on your arm as you were dragged back from the Wind God.

"You have taken up enough of her time, brother." Raiden said tightly. There was a threat in the way he spoke to Fujin that the younger brother must have understood. He paled under Raiden's hard gaze.

"Ah, of course. I shall take my leave," Fujin said contritly, bowing to his elder. " Perhaps another time, little dove." With that he stepped lightly away to engage with other guests. Raiden's grip remained tight as he led you out of the reception hall and down the short path to your cabin. He remained silent the entire time. You wanted to say something but the warning in his eyes made you forget how to speak. He flung open the front door and roughly ushered you inside, slamming the door behind him and tossing his hat to the floor.

"Raiden," you breathed out, "what..." you were cut off second time tonight as he hoisted you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes slapping your ass hard, earning a yelp of pain mixed with arousal. You had never seen him act in such a manner. It was feral and fucking hot.

"You will learn your place, mortal. I will make this very clear. I do not share," he said whispered threateningly. " I also will not tolerate lies." You were stunned into silence, trying to figure out a time you had ever lied to him. Then you remembered you had told him you were cold. Was he really that mad about it? He strode into the bedroom and dumped you on the bed. He stood there, glaring at you, his frustration barely contained. He began to disrobe, stopping only to motion at your dress. " Take it off," he bit off sharply but you could only stare wide eyed at this feral god before you. "Or do you need assistance removing this one too?"

You only nodded, seemingly forgetting how human speech works. Free of his belt, tabard, cowl, and shirt Raiden was on you in an instant. Gripping the thin material, he ripped it in two down the middle. Once you were free of the dress, Raiden pushed you to the mattress, pinning you with his large frame.

"Now...where to begin?" He growled into the crook of you neck. He inhaled your scent deeply as he traced his lips up the side of your neck to your ear. He nipped at the lobe and you audibly hitched your breath. He took advantage of your parted lips and brought his own down hard on them. He robbed you of breath as the world around you faded away until there was only him.

"Hmmmm," you moaned into his kiss and arched into him wanting to feel more of him. Your hands skimmed along his naked torso and around to his back, feeling the rippling muscles beneath your fingertips. Raiden pulls back from you earning a whimper of protest, grabbing both wrists and pinning them above your head.

"Be still," he commands. Locking your wrists tightly with one large hand, he runs the other down the side of your face. Fire runs through your veins and soaks your already molten center. His fingers trace along your pulse, feeling its heavy beat, his lips soon follow. His hand glides down to your hip, running his thumb along the laced band of your panties. You squirm under him, your breaths coming in ragged gasps as his mouth moves from your throat to your collarbone, nipping sharply at irregular intervals. Suddenly he let's go of your wrists and hauls you up into a sitting position and moves in behind you, pulling you to recline between his legs. You can feel his hard length pressed into your lower back and shift purposefully against it, making the Thunder God rumble his desire.

"You would still dare to provoke a god, my dear?" The tenor of his voice dropping and octave.

"Yes," you whisper, "if it means being the reason he comes undone."

With a low rumbling groan that sounded more like a growl, he fisted a handful if your hair and yanked your head to the side, giving him access to the tender flesh of your neck. As his mouth traces a heated path from your jaw to where your pulse can be felt beating heavily, his other hand skims up from your waist to your bra, yanking each cup down exposing the supple mounds. He bites down on your neck at the same time his fingers give a sharp pinch on your nipple, sending liquid heat directly to your quivering center. You brace your hands on his thighs and and arch into his touch, crying out as he assaults the other nipple. He nips his way down to your collarbone, so too does his hand travel farther down, tracing out each curve until he comes to rest at the top of your mons. Your hips buck into his hand, desperate for friction, but his other hand lets go off your hair and he bands his large arm around your waist, pinning you to him.

"Raiden! " you cry out in frustration and dig your nails into thighs.

"Shhh," he soothes, "All in good time." His voice even and sultry, even as you feel him trembling. "Let me hear you," he whispers as his large hand cups your sex, his middle finger tracing its delicate folds.

"Ah! Lord Raiden!" You cry out grinding against his hand. He slips his finger into your molten heat, his own breath hot and ragged against your neck. Your hips buck up to meet his skillful ministrations. His arm tightens its grip around your waist and he rolls his hips at your backside, letting out his own growl of desire. He slips in another finger and sets a methodically slow pace, curling them on the outward stroke to drag across your deepest erogenous spot, a slight vibrating hum building where he touches you.

"Let go, my dear. I want to hear your desire," he says hoarsely as he presses his palm against the sensitized bundle of nerves at your apex, diving his fingers deep into your already soaking cunt. This is your undoing and you convulse around his deft fingers, your head thrown back against his broad chest with a strangled iteration of his name.

" Good girl," he whispers darkly. Moving with a speed and gracefulness that comes from eons of careful practice, Raiden slips out from behind you and strips his pants all in one fluid movement. And before the world can right itself, you are pressed to the mattress, the Thunder God pushing your legs wide and coaxing you to wrap them at his waist. He leans down, one arm supporting his weight and the other snaking under your hips to angle your opening to rest against his rigid length, your heat causing him to pant lightly. "Who do you belong to?" He asks, his bright, pale eyes roaming over your face, taking in every detail, before settling on your mouth, waiting for you to answer

"You, Lord Raiden. My Thunder God, " you whisper, trembling with need. "I belong to only you. "

Raiden draws back his hips so as to drag his aching length across your slick folds until the wide crest of his cock sits just at your entrance, and there he hovers, watching you pant in frustration, a devilish smile on his lips. "You feel frustrated? Good," his voice like dark silk as he leaned in closer, "Now tell me, my caged sparrow, what do you want me to do?"

Your hands coming up to meet his broad chest and running down the length of his torso, you look up at him with heavy lidded eyes, your voice husky with desire "Kaminari ga watashi o tsureteiku" you breathe out, watching as his gaze darkens with intense carnality. Slowly, he pushes into you, never breaking eye contact. He watches as you arch your neck and your eyes roll back as guttural moan escapes your lips, that is his undoing. The final shred of control he had on his own need for satisfaction dissipated as he finally hilted himself deep inside you. He uses his free hand to interlace his fingers with your yours, pinning your hand next to your head, your other hand free to travel over and trace every dip and hollow you could reach. "You truly are mine," he rasps out and begins to move with long, fluid strokes. His hips rolling each time he fully sheathed himself in your core.

"By the Gods, yes!" You gasp, leaning up to nip just below his collarbone, raking your nails down his back. The Thunder God above you moves his arm from under your hips to steady himself as he picks up the pace, rolling his head back to moan loudly. You reach up to cup the side of his face, urging him to look back at you, "I want to see you come undone for me, Raiden. Take me with you. " you say as you feel the pressure build. Raiden tightens his grip on your hand, his brow furrowed with concentration, sweat misting your bodies as his rhythm becomes erratic. All control finally broke as he lost himself to pleasure, deep growls and grunts reverberating off the walls, mingling with your soft whimpers and throaty moans. Your sex quivering around his unrelenting cock had you tightening your legs around his waist drawing him further in. Raiden pressed harder and undulated his hips, hitting your sweet spot again and again until you saw stars streaking across your vision.

"Oh, RAIDEN!!!!" you screamed out as your orgasm ripped through you. Pleasure wracked your body, as your hands scrabbled to hold onto him. He slammed into you one last time before stilling briefly as the first wave of his climax came. Raiden gave four more deep strokes, bottoming out in you as he emptied himself of his seed in you.

"By the Elder Gods ! " he said through clenched teeth. The Thunder God shuddered, finally spent, withdrawing and lying to the side you. No words were spoken, as he drew you into his arms, and pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. Breathing in his scent as you returned the tenderness by placing a kiss above his heart, you both drift off.

You are the one temptation I would gladly give in to he thought to himself before sleep took over.

Outside the cabin, the winds whipped wildly as thunder rumbled in the distance.

#mortal kombat #lord raiden #thunder god #mk x reader #raiden x reader #mortal kombat x reader

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mcyt-imagines · 4 years ago

Note

hi hi ! first off, just a tip if you'd like more requests/asks in general you should prob turn on anon since this is like the only time i've sent a non-anon ask. but anyways, i'm assuming requests are open and i'd like to ask if you would write either just ranboo fluff in general or something like the tommy confession headcanons but w ranboo :D what you've posted so far is great <3

Thank you so much for letting me know! I thought I had anon turned on already, but it’s 100% turned on now! Regarding your request I got a little carried away and wrote both some general fluff and some confession headcanons for Ranboo so this post is a little long... Hope you enjoy! :D

(It’s important to note that these headcanons are a combination of ones pertaining to his Minecraft character in the dsmp and him outside of the dsmp roleplay!)

General Ranboo Fluff

- Dreamsmp Ranboo -

The first time Ranboo cries in front of you is when you confess to him and he is so happy and relieved that you reciprocate his feelings. He even smiles through the pain of his tears as you panic to cover the skin beneath his eyes, so your hands catch his tears to stop the pain.

Ranboo likes to ask if you need any resources from time to time and once you finally give in and answer, he spends the rest of his day trying to collect as much of it as he can. This has led to a few incidents in which you came back to your shared indent in the snowy mountain to find a chest stacked full with polished stone and countless ores. You’ve scolded him but the way he responds with big puppy dog eyes wishing to “just be helpful.” Sets the butterflies caged in your chest free every damn time.

Ranboo in addition to asking you for want you want he is also very observant in noticing what you need. Any tools close to breaking? Brilliant, he’s already got three more of the same tools ready for you to grab when you need it. He also names them using the anvil to some silly super cheesy pet names.

One of his favourite things to do with you is stargaze. You both travel to the top of your snowy mountain and clear out a space free of snow to lie down and simply hold each other. Ranboo has started asking Techno (on the nights you are away) to point out the stars and tell him their corresponding stories. He happily relays all of this information to you in exaggerated detail, looking at you in awe as your expressions change with the twinkling lights above.

Ranboo almost always carries a little umbrella around with him in case it begins to rain. Most of his friends notice and all start to buy him some. He now has a full collection that line his wall just next to the door. It’s those small things that allows him to remember who his real friends are.

Ranboo LOVES having his hair played with. He will fall asleep within minutes of you beginning to tousle his hair as he rests his head in your lap. He may make soft enderman noises, but you don’t dare tell him. Content on keeping that little secret to yourself.

Ranboo has to be kinda careful around snow considering that if it melts it will hurt him. Meaning he has to sit out on any snowball fights that occur. And they occur more frequently than you would think. It usually starts with Phil throwing a rogue snowball at Techno when Phil notices him slumping his shoulders. Which means it doesn’t take long until it’s a full-blown war. You usually find yourself smack bang in the middle of it and have to dive down to avoid getting pummelled in the crossfire. Ranboo will call you over to hide behind Techno’s house. As the onslaught continues between the two. you giggle and commentate over the fierce battle together.

- Outside of Dreamsmp Ranboo -

Ranboo enjoys watching you whenever you are focused on something. He’s incredibly observant and finds himself mimicking the small little nuances he sees you exhibit. He gets incredibly flustered whenever you notice that he’s picked up on them, but he doesn’t bother to deny it.

Ranboo finds himself staring at you a lot. He doesn’t mean to but he can’t help it. You catch him frequently, “Watching me real closely, hm?” He tries to stutter out an answer to defend himself, but you just smile and tell him it’s okay.

Ranboo finds a lot of comfort in doing ‘domestic’ activities with you. However, one of his personal favourites is when the two of you go out to get groceries together. His mum will give him a small list and he’ll try his best to dawdle around the store whilst swinging your intertwined hands to make the visit as long as possible. It makes him think of a future in which the two of you get to do this every single week and that alone warms his heart.

Ranboo always has to be near you, he doesn’t have to be physically touching you but he prefers to just be stupidly close to you. It always makes you laugh when he sits just close enough to you that you don’t touch, so now he has to do it forever.

Your laugh is one of his favourite sounds. To the point that if you giggle or laugh at something, he will just keep doing it over and over again for as long as you keep laughing at it. Which eventually leads to the both of you red-faced and gasping for air.

Ranboo is a terrible cook. But he tries so hard to follow recipes and they always flop. He also for some reason, cannot attempt cooking without making an utter mess of himself. Whether it’s spilling flour all over himself, getting egg yolk splatter somehow in his hair or just spilling copious amounts of milk on the floor so that he slips. This boy is a walking, talking kitchen DISASTER. So now he can only cook with you supervising him. Which turns out, wasn’t as much of a punishment as it should have been. As your tutelage seems to have slightly improved his cooking skills. However, now you also get flour spilt all over you as well.

Ranboo Confession Headcanons

- Realising he likes you -

Ranboo denies he has feelings for you at first. Believing that you’re just a good friend whose company he really enjoys. But the more he focuses on your friendship the quicker he realises he would prefer if you were more to him than that.

This thought alone sends him into a little bit of a spiral for a few days. Grappling with the thought of rejection and the guilt he would feel if he ever hurt you.

He spends most of the time grappling with his feelings he continues to try and act as normal as possible around you. You finding out would be his worst nightmare.

Ranboo realises he has absolutely no history in the dating department and desperately needs some guidance. He may ask Phil on a whim who would try his best to give the poor panicked boy some words of wisdom. Ranboo takes the advice to heart immediately, promising Phil he will update him on how his feelings for you turn out.

Ranboo finds himself writing about you in one of his many journals. He finds putting words on the page seems to help clear his mind. He tries to script his confession a few times. Desperately floundering to find the right words, but he always seems to fall short. He usually ends up scribbling all over those pages until you can barely tell someone had even written on them. Hoping to somehow erase the thoughts in the process.

He even tries drawing you a few times when he finds himself with enough spare time. He doesn’t think they’re any good though. Sure, the sketches look like you, but they don’t make him feel the way you do. When he looks at the page his chest doesn’t tighten because of your beauty, but instead because of the way you’ve made him feel. Which he comes to the sad conclusion is something he simply cannot capture in his words or his drawings. He has to show it through his actions. Not exactly his strong suit. But he’s determined to do right by you. So, he devises a plan.

- Confessing to you -

This boy plans the whole day down to a t, he has multiple back-up plans just in case his first one falls short.

Ranboo invites you over for lunch. Arriving at his place you notice how clean it is. He spent the last few days cleaning it top to bottom.

You spend a few minutes in the house chatting. You notice Ranboo is on edge almost immediately. Shoulders a pinch too tight, his smiles a little too wide and none of them reach his eyes.

You ask what you’re going to be having for lunch and he reveals a wicker basket from his kitchen. “A picnic!” Your heart warms, “I would’ve brought something if you’d told me beforehand.” He smiles at that, “Exactly. I even cooked without you, you should be proud.”

He shuffles on his feet a little, wishing to be praised, “We’ll see how the food tastes first, maybe then I’ll tell you how proud I am.” You tease, moving to elbow him lightly. You notice the way his face flushes as you move into his space. His mother appears from upstairs, “Are you two leaving? I could drive you, y’know!” “No thanks mom!!” He is quick to grab your hand and practically drag you out of the house and away from his all knowing mom.

The bus ride is on the longer side and you find yourself feeling brave enough to scoot a little closer to Ranboo. “Hey, is it okay if I?” You gesture between your head and his shoulder, the cute, shocked expression he sends you causes you to grin. “Uh s-sure!”

You softly press your head against his shoulder, “Thanks, pretty comfy shoulder you got here should’ve asked you to share it sooner.” You tease, nuzzling his shoulder lightly just for a reaction. And you get one alright, his skin goes such a lovely shade of red all the way up to the tips of his ears. You giggle softly, trying your best to hold it in and failing miserably.

You even manage to fall asleep despite your own heartbeat quickening at Ranboo’s closeness. You are tapped awake by him, “Hmm?” You rub one of your eyes knowingly appearing adorable and the way he looks at you makes it all worth it. “It’s our stop soon, we gotta get up.”

You nod and lazily stand and he follows suit. Only for the bus to brake abruptly, promptly shoving you into his chest. He wraps his arms around you quickly to steady you whilst you desperately cling to the wicker basket, “You okay?” You both mumble to each other before laughing it off and nodding. “Oh crap.” Ranboo grabs your free hand and you both scramble to get to the front of the bus to hop off. Sparks fly up your arm at the extended contact, even as you jump off the bus.

Ranboo happily leads you to a spot he had picked out earlier in the month. A soft patch of grass below a large willow tree that now sways softly in the warm breeze. You set up your carefully packaged feast with haste now that your stomachs are grumbling.

Ranboo forcefully tries to make himself relax knowing you’ve probably noticed his tense state by now. But you choose not to push him on it, taking an educated guess on why he’s so stressed.

You are quick to compliment his cooking skills when he divvies out a freshly baked quiche. Even though you know his mom for sure did most of the work. It’s the thought that counts. You hope that may snap him out of the stupor he seems to be in. However, no such luck.

“Hey Ranboo, do you want to talk about something?” Ranboo goes into full panic mode. He did not have a plan for you asking something like this. He thought you weren’t confrontational!! You watch as his expression changes rapidly. You look away, “You don’t have to tell me, it’s okay. I just thought you might want to-“

He takes one of your hands in his. Why is he doing this??? This isn’t part of the plan at all! “I…” His throat goes dry. All those hours obsessing over what he was going to say to you are sent out the window when he finally meets your eyes.

“I think I like you.” He hasn’t realised he’s even said it until its waaaaaay too late. Your eyes widen, you didn’t think he’d actually admit it to you. You squeeze his hand as you watch his eyes seem to lose focus, “I like you too.” He is silent for several long moments until he starts blinking rapidly, “Huh!?” The look of utter surprise on his face causes you to burst out laughing.

“Wait, wait, wait you’re serious?” He grabs your arm as a grin slowly starts to creep onto his face. “Sure am.” And as you meet his gaze you realise that his grin actually reached his eyes, for the first time in a long while.

“So, you gonna kiss me now or what?” You tease as his face shines a dark red. “W-well I, uh-“ His stuttering only allows for you to sneak closer and press a firm kiss to his cheek. Somehow, he grows even redder and you sigh pleasantly. “My heart definitely made the right choice with you Ranboo.”

Meanwhile Ranboo is too busy freaking out over the fact that you weren’t even meant to find out he liked you until you were stargazing together later tonight. His plans are utterly ruined! But as you squeeze his hand again to bring his thoughts back into the present, he wonders that perhaps spontaneity isn’t such a bad thing sometimes.

~My ask box is always open if you’ve got any requests or just want to vent about the dreamsmp lore!~

#mcyt #ranboo #x reader #ranboo x reader #fluff headcanons #mcyt x reader #confession headcanons #mcyt imagines #mcyt headcanons

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aspoonofsugar · 4 years ago

Text

Emerald + Mercury = Cinder

BEGINNING OF THE END = MIDNIGHT

The episodes Beginning of the End and Midnight can be seen as complementary.

Both share a similar structure with the first part telling Cinder’s story and the second part showing how past events are influencing the present. At the same time, they show the links among Cinder, Emerald and Mercury and explore their changing dynamic.

In Beginning of the End it is shown how they came together and we reach the climax of their cooperation. The Fall of Beacon is when the trio is at its strongest. It is only because of their coordination and teamwork that the plan succeeds. In Midnight instead we are shown the beginning of their separation.

For different reasons (fears and wishes) both Mercury and Emerald are about to leave Cinder. Mercury already has and it is probable Emerald will soon.

The two episodes also give us two opposite and complementary visions of Cinder.

In Beginning of the End, we have the way Cinder wants to appear:

Cinder: (stepping forward slowly, glass anklet shifting with her footsteps) I've already told you. And I don't like repeating myself.

Salem: I would like to think I have shown a great deal of patience over my many years walking Remnant. But I do hate repeating myself.

Mercury: Is this how you treat a patient? (Emerald reaches over and twists the screwdriver in his leg, causing him to wince) Ah, too tight!

Cinder: Enough. Our Mercury put on a wonderful show. He was quite brave.

Salem: Do you find such malignance necessary?

Watts: I apologize, ma'am. I'm not particularly fond of failure.

Salem: Then I see no reason for your cruelty towards young Cinder. She's become our Fall Maiden, destroyed Beacon Tower, and most importantly, killed dear Ozpin. So I'm curious, to what failures are you referring?

In Midnight we see who she really is. Moreover, it becomes more and more clear that her imitation of Salem is different from the original:

Salem: I will tell you when and where you are needed.

Cinder: Both of you, get out. I’ll let you know when you’re needed next.

Mercury: Yeah about that, Salem’s got other plans for me. I’m not gonna be taking orders from you anymore.

Why is this being shown through her interactions with Emerald and Mercury? Why are they important for Cinder’s character?

First of all, Mercury and Emerald are Cinder’s kids, at least narratively speaking:

Roman: Oh, look! She sent the kids again! This is turning out just like the divorce!

Roman calls them so when they first appear and later on several characters refer to them as kids in relation to Cinder.

Raven (about Emerald and Mercury): Two children you've tricked into following you.

Tyrian: (chuckles as he slowly walks toward Emerald) Careful, little girl. Cinder isn't here to protect you anymore.

Tyrian (mocking Mercury): Oh yes, the world is mean, and I'm a big, bad man now just like the others.

Salem (to Emerald): Speak, child.

In short, they are meant to be the last link in a chain of abuse that starts with Salem, goes on with Cinder and finally arrives to them.

At the same time, as the title says Mercury + Emerald = Cinder because they are nothing more than parts of Cinder herself, both in their backgrounds and in their personalities.

CINDER + “HUNGER” = EMERALD

Cinder: Follow me, and you'll never be hungry again.

Cinder: It's... an emptiness. It burns. Like hunger. I like it.

In Beginning of the End Emerald and Cinder are shown to share a hunger motif.

Emerald is presented as a street rat who survives through stealing. She is poor and starved, so she accepts Cinder’s offer to be taken care of and to be given food. That said, it is clear that other than food what Emerald is truly starving for is love:

Emerald: I just... (sighs) Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things...

I'm the one Who rose out of filth and was loved by no-one

Similarly, Cinder too is shown to be hungry. More specifically, she is hungry for power:

Cinder: I want to be powerful.

It is meaningful that in the episode where Cinder tells Emerald she won’t have to starve anymore, she herself is starving. This contradiction conveys the tragedy of Cinder’s character aka a traumatized girl taking in a kid similar to her and becoming like her past parental figures.

As a matter of fact Emerald and Cinder’s first meeting has parallels with Cinder meeting both Madame and Rhodes.

When Cinder meets Madame she asks for food, but is negated it:

And she is later shown to have survived through leftovers.

In contrast, food is the first thing Cinder offers Emerald, who she recognizes as a girl who has survived in poverty, like her.

In their first meeting, Cinder also treats Emerald pretty much like Rhodes treated her. Both discover a young girl, who has just committed a theft and confront her. However, instead of punishing the girl, they both offer to be the girl’s mentor and become her idol.

As a matter of fact both Cinder and Emerald are shown to idolize their saviors to the point that both girls try to look like them by changing their hair/clothes:

So, it would superficially seem that Cinder is acting like Rhodes and in the opposite way of Madame. However, the reality is far more complex. Deep down, Cinder is acting like her adoptive mother because she is targeting a girl and thinking about how she can weaponize her. At the same time, there is a key difference between her behaviour and Rhodes’s. Rhodes had Cinder give the sword back, while Cinder never stopped Emerald from stealing. If anything, she encouraged her criminal activities changing her from a thief to a terrorist. In other words, Cinder radicalized Emerald.

This is once again linked to the motif of hunger both girls share:

Cinder: You Atlas elites are all the same! You think hoarding power means you'll have it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier.

Cinder’s trauma is rooted in the unfairness of the world. She was made to starve simply because she was born in the wrong situation and society completely failed her.

What is more, when Rhodes refuses Cinder as well, she too refuses his vision of the world. Rhodes, pretty much like the Prince of the original fairy-tale, offers Cinder a way to social-climb. In the fairy-tale, Cinderella marries the prince and so becomes a princess in the end. Here, Rhodes is telling Cinder she can reach her own castle. Cinder can escape her misery and reach Atlas. However, this is seen as a lie by Cinder the moment he attacks her.

So, Cinder giving food to an orphan like her and trying to destroy the current order are both coherent with the idea that the world is unjust and needs to be changed. However, Cinder is using the same problems she criticizes to her advantage. What is more, she is exasperating them in order to fulfill her personal agenda, which is only about herself and her self-image.

Let’s see now, what do our two young thieves steal? What are they “hungry” for?

a) Emerald steals a ring:

Salesman: A beautiful ring... for a beautiful woman.

Interestingly, the ring itself might be a reference to the original story of Aladdin, which is apparently Emerald’s allusion.

In the original story Aladdin meets two jinns. The first one is in a ring and Aladdin uses it to save himself and to escape with the magic lamp, where a stronger jinn is. So it makes sense for Emerald to steal a ring (something she wishes) just to meet a woman that promises her she can have more (her personal jinn aka someone that can realize Emerald’s dreams).

Why does Emerald steal the ring?

It is possible she just wants to sell it in order to buy some food, but I like the idea that she steals it also because she wants some beauty (”a beautiful ring for a beautiful woman”) in the harsh and horrible world she lives in (“filth”).

b) Cinder steals a sword:

Like in Emerald’s case, the object of Cinder’s theft can be seen as part of her fairy-tale’s allusion.

As a matter of fact, in Cinder’s adaptation of Cinderella the swords are nothing, but her glass slippers.

This is made clear later on when Rhodes (both the Prince and the Fairy Godmother) gives Cinder the first sword. It is meant to be a prize on his part. He is showing Cinder she does not need to steal it anymore because she has gained it. Moreover, weapons are said to be extensions of a person by Ruby, so it makes sense that the slipper of the original Cinderella becomes a sword in this version. It fits the personality of our Cinder, a fiery young girl, who wants to become a huntress.

Finally, since Cinder’s story uses both inversion and deconstruction when adapting the fairy-tale, it is interesting that in the end the Prince refuses to give Cinder the other sword (slipper) and Cinder takes it by force:

In this way, Cinder goes back to stealing, which was what Rhodes had originally tried to avoid.

Why does Cinder steal the sword in the first place?

She steals something to defend herself with and to hurt her tormentors. Violence is rooted in Cinder’s first theft.

In short, Emerald wants something beautiful, while Cinder wants something powerful.

This difference is coherent with their respective semblances since Emerald creates illusions, while Cinder is able to overheat objects, so that she can create explosions and manipulate their shape. Both powers are representative of their user’s flaw and coping mechanism.

Emerald is a person who has reacted to her traumatic life by chasing illusory dreams of warmth and love. She tricks others and is tricked because she refuses to dispel her self-delusions.

Cinder is instead a person, who has been molded through violence just like the glass statues in the hotel. She is forced to endure until she can’t take it anymore and she explodes:

She herself is the Glass Unicorn, which shatters like Cinder’s innocence when too much pressure is added. Not only that, but Cinder too has started molding others to her will. She has been grooming both Emerald and Mercury for her own ego. This is why the name Scorching Caress fits her so well. It is because behind every act of care it is hidden an act of manipulation. And this happens because Cinder too has been treated utilitaristically and the only kind of love she experienced (Rhodes’s) was a “weak” love Cinder ended up perceiving as fake.

In short, Emerald and Cinder have different coping mechanisms and aim for different things. However, this does not mean that one is better or worse than the other. Their main difference is that right now Emerald is more in touch with her own needs and wishes. Ironically, the delusional girl has never lost sight of what she truly wants.

Emerald wants a family. She has been looking for it in the wrong places and she has been pursuing it in the wrong ways. However, Emerald has never forgotten what she is truly after and she is starting to realize she won’t have it, until she stays on Salem’s side:

Salem: It's important not to lose sight of what drives us: Love, justice, reverence... but the moment you put your desires before my own... they will be lost to you. This isn't a threat, this is simply the truth. The path to your desires is only found... through me.

Tyrian: Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. I want to tell you both a little secret. Your question is all wrong. (laughs)

Emerald: What?

Tyrian: "What do you want from this?" Children, please, if you're not loving what you're doing, then you're in the wrong field.

Salem promises to fulfill Emerald’s wishes, but Tyrian has already told her that pursuing a wish while working for Salem is useless. Emerald is starting to realize it and this is why she will probably leave.

Cinder has instead forgotten what she originally wanted:

Cinder: Like you? You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want.

Cinder’s original wish was to be free and also to be loved, like Emerald:

You're no good I hope you know That your life is of no use And the truth is that No one's ever loved you

However, her being failed by the adults has twisted her wish into a desire for power.

This difference is well conveyed by Cinder and Emerald’s respective line in Beginning of the End:

Cinder: Follow me, and you'll never be hungry again.

Emerald: Thank you...

Cinder: The Huntsman severed the connection before it was complete. (pause) Yes. It's... an emptiness. It burns. Like hunger. I like it. (pause) Yes. I will claim what is ours. (pause) Thank you.

Emerald thanks Cinder because she won’t have to be hungry anymore, while Cinder thanks Salem because she is able to feel a hunger she likes.

This fits well with Cinder’s last words to the Madame:

Cinder: You’re right. Without you I am nothing. But because of you, I am everything.

Emerald does not want to be hungry, while Cinder has been tricked into thinking that being hungry is the only way she can become not even “everything”, but just “something”.

CINDER + “EVERYTHING” = MERCURY

Cinder: Because of you, I am everything.

Mercury: So I got strong, but I never got it back! I've had to work harder than anyone to get where I am.

Cinder’s way of thinking is very similar to Mercury’s. Not only have they both endured their parents’ violence, but they have tried to give this violence meaning. It is because of Madame that Cinder has become “everything” and it is because of Marcus that Mercury has become “strong”. They must believe that it was not all for nothing and that the pain they felt made them stronger instead of weaker.

This is why Cinder thinks that deep down her “hunger” is good. It is because it drives her, but she ignores that it blinds her too.

This is why Mercury keeps going back to his father:

Mercury: Bad hair, used a scythe, and smelled like my dad after a long day. It was him.

Mercury: My dad always said... "if you need to know a city, ask the rats."

He mentions Marcus here and there and uses his teachings to solve problems. That is because those teachings must have some value, right? If they don’t, then Mercury’s life means nothing.

The nature of Cinder and Mercury’s foiling is clear in their first meeting:

Like in Emerald’s case, Cinder finding Mercury calls back a moment of her past.

In particular, it parallels the murder of her adoptive family and Rhodes discovering it. Mercury, just like young Cinder, has just killed an abusive parent and is confronted by a person after the fact.

Once again, Cinder seems to act differently from the adults that let her down. Rhodes was horrified and attacked her, while Cinder praises Mercury and has him join her group.

However, she is deep down acting as Rhodes did. As a matter of fact what truly hurt Cinder about Rhodes’s reaction is that he convinced her that she is irredeemable.

The whole scene plays with the Cinderella’s allusion and inverts it:

The clock strikes midnight and just like in the fairy-tale, the magic is over. In Cinderella, the protagonist goes back to her true self and runs away not to be seen. However, in the end, the prince recognizes her through her slipper (a symbol of her innate beauty and kindness) and marries her despite her humble condition.

In Cinder’s story, midnight is when she reveals a part of herself to Rhodes. She shows all the anger and violence she has been repressing. Cinder is not a “good victim” like the Cinderella of the fairy-tale and Rhodes can’t accept it. Not only that, but he negates Cinder’s dream to be free:

Rhodes: You can run, but you’re going to be running for the rest of your life.

Cinder: I won’t have to run now.

Rhodes: That’s all you’ll ever do.

This shatters Cinder’s hopes and self-perception. She internalizes that she will have to live in opposition to society because she is somehow “a bad person”. She is not a huntress (a princess), but a nobody who’ll have to use violence to survive. And she starts doing it immediately. As the song that starts playing implies, she has been awaken from the “fragile lies in bones”. However, this “truth has broken her soul in two”. This wound is still there and it has influenced, among other things, her reaction to Mercury.

When Cinder meets Mercury, she associates him to his father three times:

Cinder: And you're his son. We saw your fight from the treeline. He's taught you well.

Mercury: Guess so.

Cinder: What's your name?

Mercury: Mercury.

Cinder: Mercury... Tell me, are you anything like your father?

In this way, she strengthens the connection Mercury tried to cut by killing Marcus. She is indirectly convincing him that he can’t be different from his father:

Tyrian: All you ever learned was pain and violence, and now you're too afraid to leave it. Such a tragedy.

Tyrian spells it out clearly for both Mercury and the audience. The only reason Mercury joined Cinder and is now working for Salem is that he is scared. Not only is he scared for his own survival, but he is scared about failing to be anything else than what his father taught him.

Cinder is deep down scared too by Salem and her group:

However, she too, like Mercury, has given up on being anything different than a criminal. She puts up a strong demeanor, but is actually really frail. She is like glass that has been bended through heat (violence) and can easily shatter.

Both Mercury and Cinder are two violent victims. This duality is kind of conveyed also through their names and colors.

“Cinder” is something that has only partially burnt. They tried to reduce her to ashes, but failed and a part of Cinder is still burning. This is why her main colors are black and red. She is black because she was burnt. She is red because she can burn. She was both hurt and has hurted others.

Similarly, “mercury” is a silver/gray metal and this is Mercury’s main color. This choice gains a possible deeper meaning when one considers that his aura is white and that his surname is Black. His aura can be seen as Mercury’s nature, while the surname “Black” is a symbol of the “nurture” he received. Mixing these two factors made so that Mercury turned out like he is (a gray character).

So, Cinder and Mercury have been shaped by their abuse and this is clearly visible on their bodies as well:

Cinder keeps the scar on her neck hidden, while Mercury has chosen to weaponize his missing legs.

It is telling that Mercury made of his own mechanical legs his weapon and that he mostly uses kicks to fight. It is another detail that shows how he is reducing both himself and his trauma to weapons he can use.

Cinder too shows how frail her sense of self is through weapons. It is not by chance that her current weapons are made of glass. In her backstory her swords were a symbol of her true self and of who she could become. Right now, they are nothing, but glass imitations of that ideal.

In short, Cinder and Mercury are both victims and murderers and they needed to have both sides of themselves accepted by their mentors.

However, Rhodes and Cinder failed to do so. They both refused the victimhood of the child in front of them, but they did so in opposite ways.

On one hand Rhodes refused Cinder’s violence and its reasons. He ignored his feelings of affection for the girl and steeled himself, so that he could fight her.

On the other hand Cinder gladly accepted Mercury’s violence and groomed him (Scorching caress), so that he would completely embrace it too.

The difference between Rhodes and Cinder lies in them having different reactions to the violence perpetrated by a child. However, they both fail to address the child’s pain. Rhodes does so because his vision is too black and white. Cinder does so because she is not even able to address her own pain.

However, both Cinder and Mercury need to address their own victimhood. Still, they refuse to do so because it would mean to accept their vulnerability. It is easier to convince themselves that they are the strong and violent ones. They are the ones others are scared of:

Mercury: We're the guys you should be afraid of.

But it is precisely because of this refusal that they are currently caught in dynamics similar to the ones they escaped:

Salem and Tyrian are nothing, but more dangerous versions of Madame and Marcus.

Salem treats Cinder as a pawn, rather than a person. She strips her of her personhood and agency and punishes her violently.

Tyrian is a killer, who enjoys his job like Marcus. He keeps invading Mercury’s personal space and threathens him. Moreover, his own semblance is similar to Marcus’s. It might not steal people’s semblances, but it still messes with their auras (with their very souls).

Cinder and Mercury struggle to recognize their own situations because to do so they must accept they are still stuck in their horrible childhoods:

Mercury: You may not like it here without Cinder, but I think I'm right where I'm supposed to be!

Cinder: I don’t serve anyone. And you wouldn’t either, if you were built that way.

However, this refusal is confusing them about what their true needs and wishes are:

Cinder: I want to be strong. I want to be feared. I want to be powerful.

Mercury: So what's in it for me?

In Beginning of the End both characters receive a line where they express some kind of wish.

As stated above, Cinder’s wish is not her original one, but a twisted version because she thinks she can’t reach her true desire.

When it comes to Mercury, he is not even sure of what he really wants. This is made clear even later on:

Emerald: I mean, there has to be something you want from this, right?

Mercury: Salem's promised us everything. We win this thing for her, we'll be top dogs in her new world. What more do you want?

He says Salem will give him all he wants, but he still fails to answer Emerald’s question. What is it that he wants?

He wants “everything” Cinder can offer him and later on “everything” Salem offers him. However, this is just another way to say he’ll take anything he is given, be it even something as basic as survival:

Mercury: Look, even if what he said was true, we can’t stop Salem. You told me yourself, Hazel tried. He failed and he got in line. Big guy’s not going to pick fights he can’t win, and neither should we.

This is because Mercury is so scared and hurt he can’t even start to think about what he wants.

Similarly, he goes back to a fatalistic vision of the world:

Mercury: Just made sense.

Emerald: It made sense?

Mercury: All my life, my father trained me to be a killer, an assassin like him. And then moments after I killed him, you two showed up looking for someone with my exact skills. Just felt like it was meant to be.

Let’s highlight that Cinder does the same:

Pyrrha: Do you believe in destiny?

Cinder: Yes.

Cinder: You know, Neo, someone once asked me if I believed in destiny. And I'm happy to say I still do.

Both Mercury and Cinder have convinced themselves that there is a “destiny” written for them and that they must play that role (the role of an assassin, the role of the Maiden). However, in this way they are just chaining themselves and accepting to Do As They Are Told by adults and mentor figures, who do not really care about them.

EMERALD + MERCURY = SOUL + BODY

I'm the one That was born in a nightmare a murderer's son Got no gun But I gleam like a blade and I'm harder than iron I'm the one Who rose out of filth and was loved by no-one Delusion I'll steal til your blind and defeat you from inside your mind

I'm the one That was ripped from the earth and exposed to the sun Overrun By the hate and the beatings defiled by a father I'm the one I'll race with your eyes and you'll never outrun Illusions Will conquer your mind and will make you fulfill my design

Mercury and Emerald’s song says several things about them.

First of all, it conveys the idea of two kids that feel let down by the world and have decided to retaliate. They mock their opponents and praise their respective abilities. However, it is clear from the verses above that it is just a mask to hide their pain.

This fits with them appearing for the first time in Best Day Ever where Ozpin says this:

Ozpin: And they will be, but right now they're still children. So why not let them play the part? After all, it isn't a role they'll have forever.

Differently from out protagonists (at the time), Emerald and Mercury are not playing the part of kids, but they are acting as big bad thugs to prove themselves to the people around them.

Secondly, the song is useful to explore Emerald and Mercury’s foiling.

I'm the one Who rose out of filth and was loved by no-one Delusion I'll steal til your blind and defeat you from inside your mind

I'm the one That was ripped from the earth and exposed to the sun Overrun By the hate and the beatings defiled by a father

Emerald was never given love, while Mercury was given hate:

Mercury: I'm sorry you didn't have a mommy that loved you, but I had a father who hated me!

This difference is at the root of their different personalities.

On one hand Emerald attaches herself to the care Cinder gives her and takes it as the most love she’ll ever receive.

On the other hand Mercury is just content with not receiving hate and violence from the people around him.

Emerald is more open about her connections with others, while Mercury is more disillusioned. She is strongly driven by them, while Mercury is too scared to fully embrace them.

Emerald has clear wishes, but she is deluding herself about them. Mercury has fears that do not let him realize what he wants.

This difference stems from the different nature of their traumas. Who was never given anything accepts whatever they are offered, while who received pain thinks even nothing is better than more pain.

Still, we are currently seeing an inversion of this dynamic. Emerald’s wishes and their not overlapping with reality are making her doubtful. Mercury’s fear and survival instinct are making him refuse the truth:

Mercury: And all of this is pointless, anyway. Salem’s not ending the world.

In the end, facing one’s own feelings, being them wishes:

Or fears:

Is still better than repressing them, even if it might be painful.

I'm the one That was born in a nightmare a murderer's son Got no gun But I gleam like a blade and I'm harder than iron

I'm the one I'll race with your eyes and you'll never outrun Illusions Will conquer your mind and will make you fulfill my design

The song I’m the One has four key verses. In the first two ones both characters tell a little of their past and then discuss their abilities, while in the other two Mercury mostly talks about his past and emphasizes it, while Emerald highlights her semblance more.

This ends up foreshadowing the importance of Emerald’s semblance and Mercury’s lack of one (”got no gun”).

Emerald’s semblance is important on different levels. As stated above, it perfectly embodies Emerald’s flaw:

Mercury: You're in denial.

And it is linked to unconscious aspects, like wishes and fears. Finally, it is a semblance linked to trickery and lies and these are among the causes of The Fall of Beacon:

Cinder: Our Kingdoms are on the brink of war, yet we, the citizens, are left in the dark.

It is not by chance that this semblance specifically has been so instrumental in Cinder’s plan, after all.

Similarly, Mercury’s lack of a semblance is one of his defining traits:

Mercury: He never went easy on me! Every day of training was a beating. And when I unlocked my Semblance, he stole it with his!

Ironically, this would make for an excellent narrative objective for Mercury’s character. However, he is so sure his semblance can’t be taken back that he has completely given up on it. This even if he is clearly bitter about having had a part of himself stolen.

The key aspect here may be that Mercury has failed to get his semblance back through his father’s teachings:

Mercury: He told me I could have it back when I was strong. So I got strong, but I never got it back!

And he is now considering it lost forever. It is possible that the path to find his ability again is instead another one altogether.

That said, while Cinder mostly used Emerald’s semblance in her plan, she also made great use of Mercury’s skill and of the peculiar nature of his body:

The first step in her plan, after all, uses both Emerald’s semblance and Mercury’s prostethic legs to spread negative emotions. This tendency continues in PvP where Emerald uses her semblance and Mercury, unhurt because of his legs, prevents Ruby from interrupting the fight.

In short, Emerald mostly relies on her semblance, while Mercury mostly relies on his legs and fighting prowess.

This detail adds to the idea that Emerald and Mercury have been acting as a unit and have been complementing each other. Emerald acts as the “soul” and Mercury as the “body”.

The soul is one’s personal essence (like the semblance). It is where (once again) wishes reside. The body is what protects the soul and is animated by instincts and self-survival.

They complement each other. This complementarity is shown in Emerald and Mercury’s fights.

In the Vytal festival, Mercury takes on both Coco and Yatsuhashi for a short while, so that Emerald can size her chance to fight Coco at her own terms (and she wins by using her semblance).

In the Battle of Heaven, Emerald uses her semblance to help Mercury fight and, in a sense, she compensates for his lack of one:

This perfect complementarity used to make them strong, but right now it is clear that it has become limitating:

Blake: When you’ve been at someone’s side for so long, after a while they become a part of you. But that’s just it, they’re only a part of you. Don’t forget about the rest.

This is why they are currently being separated by the narrative.

On one hand Emerald must learn not to be so emotionally dependant from others and must make her own choices. This is also why her using the lamp might be meaningful:

Qrow: This last great creation would be given the power to both create and destroy. It would be given the gift of knowledge, so that it could learn about itself and the world around it. And most importantly, it would be given the power to choose, to have free will to take everything it had learned and decide which path to follow - the path of light or the path of darkness.

The whole point of the relics (and of the journey we are going through) is to learn about the world, about creation and destruction, so that in the end a choice can be made.

This is why the first relic we saw is the relic of knowledge. Now, Emerald is a character that has been dependant on others, so that she could realize her wishes. Aladdin itself is a story about a character depending on a Jinn to make his dreams come true. However, it is possible Emerald’s arc will be different and it will be about gaining the knowledge to act and realize one’s wishes.

On the other hand Mercury must face himself and learn what he really wants. He must start living instead of simply surviving. In a sense, he must take the soul his father stole back.

Mercury quoting Marcus: "This is a crutch!" "This makes you weak!"

Marcus was wrong. One’s individuality (semblance) does not make them weak. If anything, Marcus’s abuse of Mercury made him need a literal crutch (since he lost his legs) and the boy is still hiding behind this violence to avoid any real choice about himself. This is what prevents him from becoming strong:

Yang: You might be powerful, but that doesn't make you strong.

Raven: Who do you think you are, lecturing me?! Standing there, shaking like a scared little girl?!

Yang: Yeah, I'm scared. But I'm still standing here!

His connection with Emerald might still play a role in this. After all, Mercury is, among other things, the god of thieves and this allusion has been played with by making him protective of Emerald (whose surname means “thief”). It might be used in a deeper and more meaningful way later on.

Emerald and Mercury must grow because if they don’t, they’ll end up as their dark foils:

Both Hazel and Emerald ended up joining Salem out of a feeling of love that was twisted. Emerald joined Salem because of her loyalty to Cinder, who is using her. Hazel joined Salem because of the death of his sister that he blames on Ozpin. Their semblances are even symbolic of their respective flaws since Emerald is caught up in her own delusions, while Hazel is unable to properly grieve, so he can’t “feel pain” on more than just the physical level.

Both Mercury and Tyrian are assassins and Tyrian is who Mercury might become if he truly chooses to live only to kill and does not find a different goal.

It is also telling that both Emerald and Mercury are currently put in similar circumstances as their two foils. As a matter of fact Mercury is leaving with Tytian, while Emerald and Hazel have been given the password to use the lamp and must choose what to make of this information.

At the same time, Emerald and Mercury have also some traits of respectively Tyrian and Hazel as well.

Emerald is fiercely loyal to Cinder like Tyrian is to Salem:

Tyrian: So devoted to someone so incompetent.

Hazel wanted to protect Gretchen (and is still acting on these unfulfilled feelings of protectiveness) like Mercury is trying to protect Emerald. Moreover, Gretchen and (probably) Emerald’s choice was/will be to fight an enemy that can’t be beaten, going against Hazel and Mercury’s wishes.

All in all, Emerald and Mercury have had interesting interactions with both Hazel and Tyrian that can be (ironically) seen as two incomplete and flawed mentor figures.

On one hand Hazel has been acting as a protector of sorts. He carried Emerald when she lost consciousness after the Battle of Heaven and he tried to protect both Emerald and Mercury from Salem’s rage after their failure.

On the other hand Tyrian is seen tormenting the two kids whenever he gets the chance. That said, he ironically ends up spelling out for them truths the two must face:

Tyrian: Do what makes you happy children... please? I'm begging you...

Tyrian: Of course she is! You’re surprised? Salem is destruction incarnate! Our mistress wishes to see the end of it all! There is no ideal more beautiful.

In short, some kind of interesting foiling seems to have been set-up for the four of them and it will be interesting to see if/how it develops.

MIDNIGHT = BEGINNING OF THE END

In a sense, when the clock stroke midnight it was the beginning of Cinder’s end because she entered a spiral she has not been able to stop since then. Not only that, but she has dragged other people in that same spirals and those people are now struggling against it, just like her.

At the same time, midnight signals the end of illusions and that may be a fitting description for where we are in the story so far.

Ruby has just announced the existence of Salem to the world, Emerald is uncovering several truths about Salem, Cinder and herself and the Ace Ops are being forced to face their emotions. Of course, when some illusions end, new ones appear. However, it is clear we are in a pivotal moment, which will hopefully lead to some changes.

Similarly, Cinder, Mercury and Emerald will probably go their own ways soon and it will be interesting to see how their paths will foil and where they will meet again.

As for now, it seems that because of Emerald’s allusion to Aladdin, she might use the last question to Jinn. If so, she will probably aquire knowledge and wisdom (emeralds are the stones of wisdom apparently).

Mercury will probably spiral a little bit as for now, but I wonder if he will receive some pivotal focus in the Vacuo’s volumes. Other than him going there with Tyrian, there is also the fact that it would make what is currently just a juxtaposition with Penny (thank you, @hamliet for noticing) a more interesting foiling.

Penny is an artificial human, a creation who was given life because her father loved her so much that he sacrificed a part of his aura for her... twice. She is at the centre of the theme of creation and it represents the good sides of it. She is a creation with a soul, a child, the fruit of parental love. It is because of the love she received that she is willing to protect creation:

Penny: That is not… I choose to fight for people who care about me.

Penny’s arc is about self-actualization. She struggles to be her own person outside her role, her purpose and even her parent. However, even if she has been objectified and keeps being objectified, she has also been given affection and this is why she fights.

Mercury is her opposite. He was the target of his father’s violence. Marcus not only stole his legs (while Pietro built Penny a body), but even a part of his soul (while Pietro gave Penny a part of his). He taught Mercury hate and violence and this is why he is currently helping a witch to destroy the world. Because of this, it would be interesting for such a character to receive focus on the volumes about destruction.

Finally, Cinder, as the Fall Maiden, is linked to the theme of choice. This has already been explored a little bit in her being obessed by destiny, as said above. However, the theme of choice is one which must still be fully explored.

In particular, there are several references to choice and destiny when it comes to Cinder’s foil aka Pyrrha:

Cinder (about Pyrrha): Hmm... People assume that she's fated for victory, when she's really taking fate into her own hands.

Cinder: It's unfortunate you were promised a power that was never truly yours.

Pyrrha: When I think of destiny, I don't think of a predetermined fate you can't escape. But rather... some sort of final goal, something you work towards your entire life.

Red-Haired Woman: She understood that she had a responsibility... to try. I don't think she would regret her choice, because a Huntress would understand that there really wasn't a choice to make. And a Huntress is what she always wanted to be.

Pyrrha’s arc is about making a choice. She must choose if she wants to become a Maiden. She struggles, but in the end she accepts this responsibilty. She embraces her idea of destiny and tries to be a Maiden even without powers.

Cinder’s idea of destiny is not fully explored. In a sense, just like Pyrrha, she has taken destiny in her own hands. However, she also seems to use the idea of destiny to nurture her self-image as the Chosen One and as the Worthy One.

At the same time, Pyrrha’s choice led to her tragic death. Not only that, but in the end her death accomplished little. Even Ruby activating her silver eyes has more to do with her wish to protect life, rather than with death. Why is that so? It is probably because Pyrrha’s choice was made without knowledge. She had been explained only a fragment of the truth, while the whole point is that one should learn, meet creation and destruction and then make a choice. This is why we have yet to meet the relic of choice.

My guess is that the theme of choice will mostly be explored through Cinder’s character, who will be asked to choose her destiny in the end.

#rwby #rwby meta #cinder fall #emerald sustrai #mercury black #my meta

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yoonia · 4 years ago

Text

About Time // Part 20

➬ Character | Jungkook x reader / Jimin x reader (feat. BTS)

↳ Type/Genre/words | Angst, Fluff, Alternate Universe (Time Travel!au/Time Leap!au, Soulmate!au), Eventual Smut / 18,5k words

↳ Prompts | “What if you find your soulmate… at the wrong time?” - Lauren Kate, Passion

↳ Summary | Be careful for what you wish for, because you may never know how to deal with them once it comes true. What would you do when your wish for a second chance actually came true? But was it really a fulfilled wish? Too many questions lie when it actually happened. Were they real memories? Or perhaps a part of a past life? Was it only a dream all along? Will everything be different this time?

↳ Ratings | Mature/+18 and up

↳ Warnings | mentions of alcoholism, mentions of cancer, (probably) inaccurate medical and law terms

↳ Author’s Note | This chapter took me forever to finish, but I’m glad that it’s finally out. I want to thank my girls, @randombtsprincessa and @softyoongiionly who have been hyping me out and yelling at me each time I came close to giving up and when I stop writing, and as always my second set of eyes, @theodea. I hope you’ll enjoy this one as we slowly unravel the story between our characters. Please make sure not to miss the second note at the end of the chapter. Thank you!

↳ ⤎ Previous Chapter | Series Index: About Time | Next Chapter ⇢

Song Companion | Shah - Can't Leave You | Oleg Byonic - Wait For You

—First life. St. Vincent’s Hospital, year 2027—

Subtle movements happening around me were the ones that had woken me up.

Whoever it was that had been moving around while I was still asleep, they had tried to do things stealthily, moving about carefully enough not to disturb my sleep.

But when a person had been stuck in one place for so long the way I did, their senses would easily become familiar to their surroundings the same way mine had. I didn’t need much to recognise the sounds that had been constantly happening around me, allowing me to identify the foreign ones when they appeared. I would be able to feel every movement, be it from any unanimated object or simply random movements that took place, and I could sense the changes in the air around me as it happened. So it was easy for me to catch their presence even before I had my eyes opened when they kept on moving, the low thud of their footsteps and the things they were moving around followed each move they made.

And then there were also the scents. It was his cologne that allowed me to recognise him without me seeing him. And it was a good thing too, because it allowed my heartbeat to settle down from its frantic pace and prevent me from waking up in fear, startled to find a random stranger invading my space.

I finally opened my eyes slowly. He was nothing but a blurry blob of a person moving around my room when I looked at him through my bleary eyes. The way he was still pacing back and forth around the bedside drawers told me that he had yet to realise that I was awake. So I continued watching him, blinking my eyes until the sight of him gradually grew clearer and I was finally able to see just what he was doing in my hospital room.

Of course, cleaning up my mess would be the first thing he would do the moment he got here, I wondered with a smile.

This man could never settle with a messy space. He could not even settle in patience without finding something to do, no matter how often he would complain or whine whenever he felt like he had been doing too many things at once.

I barely moved when Yoongi reached out to grab a bouquet of fresh flowers that had been left on top of the small table near the doorway. It looked new, and I had no recollection of seeing it before I fell asleep after my treatment this morning, so it must have arrived just a while ago. I saw Yoongi opening the card that came with it and tutted to himself, muttering low as he shook his head.

The moment I realised what he was saying, I could no longer stay silent. “Bastard? Did the sender really sign the card with that name?”

My voice seemed to startle Yoongi that he nearly jumped. He turned with his hand on his chest, looking almost ghastly grey that quickly faded when he chuckled. “Fucking hell, you scared me,” he said, tossing the flowers away. Though they only landed back not so gracefully on the table instead of into the trashcan placed on the floor right beside it, where he was probably aiming to throw them in before I caught him.

“Sorry,” I said, pushing myself up from the bed the best I could to sit upright while he handed me a glass of water and helped me drink. As I drank, my chest felt hollow. I had been in this place for too long that this simple gesture had become some sort of a routine. And that he had become so familiar with everything that he knew easily just what I needed. It made me feel relieved to have him with me, but I felt the guilt gnawing inside me just the same.

I hated feeling miserable and weak. And I hated it more to see the pitying look he gave me as he read me so easily. “Have you been here long?” I asked him before he ever had a chance to bring it up. Because there was no way he didn't notice it when he had grown used to my moods already. Thankfully, Yoongi had chosen not to say a thing about my condition and only shrugged.

“Not really,” he looked around, rubbing the back of his head as he followed my eyes to see the things he had been tidying up before I woke. “I wasn’t sure if it was alright to wake you up, so I tried to find some things to do while I waited. Sorry if I woke you up.”

I waved him off. “No, you didn’t. It’s just time for me to wake up. It’s almost lunchtime,” I told him, not that I was excited for lunch in any way. Not when I was not completely capable of eating properly. The blisters on my lips and inside my mouth had been increasing rapidly that I couldn’t taste anything without feeling pain. It had been coming and going, sometimes getting better after getting some vitamins or once I began drinking all those herb drinks Kara had been making for me. But whenever they came back, they always left me feeling miserable. And terribly hungry.

And hunger made me feel even more miserable.

If Yoongi had noticed the discomfort look I was making just by thinking about the food, he showed none of it. But he did scrunch his nose and gave a distasteful scoff. “You’re actually excited for the hospital food? Man, you’ve been here for too long.”

I scoffed. “Nope, I’m just excited for their pudding,” I said, without bothering to elaborate the fact that it would probably be the only thing I could manage to eat.

“Damn,” he said, shaking his head almost too dramatically. “I was hoping that I could steal your pudding while you eat.”

I knew that he was only trying to make me feel better, but that was enough to have me laughing. But only for a short while, because any kind of tension happening on my torso gave me pain. As I winced, my eyes fell on the flowers he left behind. It was not hard to recognise them. Jungkook had known me for a long time to remember just what kind of flowers I loved most, and he had gotten me the same kinds ever since we had been together.

Fresh white roses, mixed with a handful of blooming white baby’s breath—just like the ones I had in the flower bouquet that I carried on our wedding day—and with a simple white ribbon wrapped around the footstalks. He had known me well enough to know that I only enjoyed simple things, and it hurt to know that he still remembered everything to the T.

I didn’t really need to ask, but I could not help it. “Those flowers—Jungkook sent them, didn’t he?”

Yoongi clenched his jaw and nodded. “I heard that he’s making amends.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, he just promised to stay around. Be a friend,” I told him, to which he gave me a sceptical look through his eyes. “He wants to be involved but not so much to disturb my life or to get in the way of my recovery process.”

Yoongi started shaking his head. I knew that I didn’t have to explain things on Jungkook’s behalf or to defend him right in front of my friend. But what Yoongi did not know was that Jungkook was not the only one making amends. If he was willing to try and make peace with everything that had been going on, then I should do just the same. It was the only way I could do to let the pain of his betrayal go away and to be able to look at my future without any resentment of the past.

It may have been far too late for me to realise it, and I hated the fact that I needed Jimin there to open my eyes, but the only reason why I have yet to be able to move forward entirely had been due to my anger. Letting my resentment grow freely inside my chest would only blind me from the beautiful things waiting for me in the future.

That is, if there was still any hope for me out there.

“I was almost sure you’re going to forgive that son of a bitch again,” Yoongi finally said with a sigh.

“Oh, I have forgiven him.”

Yoongi sat back with a jolt. “What?”

Chuckling, I waved him off. “No, I meant to say that I have forgiven him, just so we could move on. It has been too exhausting to keep being angry. If he really meant it when he said he wanted us to be friends, that he wanted to support me, then I should stop being so hostile with him. It’s actually pretty relieving to not be angry with him all the time,” I explained, and Yoongi slowly relaxed, while I had to clench my teeth together at the memory of all those passing moments we have had where we were too busy battling each other instead of moving forward. “Not to mention, the last altercation he caused had hurt Jimin. I don’t think I would have any more to give if I’m going to continue fighting him.”

Yoongi sat in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. Sighing, he nodded his head after a while. “I still regretted not being here at the time to punch his face. Not to defend your boyfriend, but for stressing you out.”

I gave him a wry smile. Our relationship had always been a bit more cordial before this point, when we were just two people running a freelance business together. Back in college, he was nothing more but a stranger since we both ran with different crowds. He was more a part of Jungkook’s circle than he was in mine. But to have him on my side this time around, to have him as a part of my support system both as a friend and a second brother to me was gratifying.

“You haven’t been around much. I was starting to miss you,” I told him, making him chuckle. It was not a lie, I did miss him. His absence had never felt so strong before, but even with the overwhelming change happening in my life lately, I have missed his presence around me.

“And you really want me to believe that you actually have been thinking of me?” he jokingly asked me. “I thought you already have someone to keep you company. And I know that he’s been keeping you busy.” He said this while waggling his eyebrows, and I felt my face flushing with heat. He may not have fully supported my new relationship with Jimin at first, stating that I was risking my heart by being close to someone who was fighting the same battle as I was, but he seemed pretty okay with it now.

“What have you been up to?” I asked him. “Come on, tell me anything. I’m bored, and anxious.” Because the days were moving closer to the day for my surgery, was what I couldn’t tell him. Thinking about it only made me tremble in fear, so I tried to avoid bringing it up unless it was necessary. “Tell me that the world outside still exists.”

He gave a bitter chuckle. “Oh, the world outside still exists, all right,” he said, before he began updating me about everything that had been going on lately. Not everything in the world that I could keep up on my own through the news or the things I saw on the television, however, but the things around us that I had left behind. He updated on things regarding work, since I had left behind a bunch of unfinished projects on his hands when I got sick. I had tried my best to help him while I still could, until I had no more energy and he stopped bringing files on our projects to the hospital so he could stop me from trying to force myself to stay active.

Then he suddenly fell silent, just when I was asking him about what had been going on in his life. He looked a bit embarrassed for a moment, looking everywhere but my eyes until he finally took a deep breath and spoke.

“I’m seeing someone,” Yoongi finally admitted. “It’s new and nothing really serious yet, so Hoseok told me to take my time for myself with—you know.”

“No, I totally understand. I don’t ever want to be in the way for you or Hoseok on whatever is happening with your lives,” I told him, before realising something else. “Did you think I would say something about it? Is that why you never said anything to me at first? You know I wouldn’t, right? You’ve done so much for me. I already told you and my brother that I don’t want to have you both putting lives on hold for me. I know Hoseok is starting to.”

And I meant it. I have noticed it for a while but my brother had never wanted to talk about it. Hoseok was starting to look like he was stepping back from living his life, as he struggled to be there for me the entire time I was battling my illness, all while he was doing all he could to help me get out of my broken marriage completely unscathed.

Yoongi’s smile looked a bit sad when he looked at me. “I know you wouldn’t say anything bad. You’ve always been so great when it comes to dealing with my relationships. I think you’ve handled things better than I had,” he said with a chuckle. “As for Hoseok—He’s trying to make up for lost time. You know, for all those years he had made the mistake of cutting you off.”

Shaking my head, I refused to acknowledge it. “It wasn’t completely his fault,” I said, surprising even myself for knowing how I meant it. Through all those years we have lost contact, I did blame Hoseok for pushing me away and refusing to hear what I had to say. He was the one who had shunned me when I needed him the most, but that anger was gone now. Just like how I had forgiven my ex-husband, just how I had forgiven Kara and my father, and how I was just starting to forgive myself for all the horrible things which had happened between us in the past, I had forgiven my brother.

“Yet he still blames himself,” Yoongi said to me patiently, defending my brother. “He still thinks that he deserves to be punished for his ignorance in the past, for not being there for you until it was too late. He kept telling me how hard it has been for him to forget that fact how he had turned his back on you. That you had trusted him and he had only let you down. I think he instantly regretted it when it happened but he didn’t know just how to reach out to you again.”

“Until he met you.” I gave him a wry smile, while deep inside, I was grateful for the fact that my brother had somehow met Yoongi by chance and reached out to him so he could become the bridge between the two of us. Yoongi had no obligations to do any of that, but he did. And he had made it possible for the two of us to reconcile, even if it had come a bit too late.

An orderly interrupted our talk by entering the room with my lunch. Yoongi stood up to retrieve the tray and took his time to set up my meal for me. After a while, I couldn’t help it, I just had to ask, “Why do you take such good care of me? I mean, I’m happy that you are here and to have you as a friend and a second brother. But you’ve done a lot more. Not just for me, but for Hoseok too.”

Yoongi avoided my eyes when he returned to his seat. “Because I really care about you, ______. And you also did a lot for me when I needed help and people were turning their backs on me,” he finally said. His eyes were dark, and his pain was visible when he looked up at me. “Back then, you knew my secrets and still didn’t run away,” he said, while my memory brought me back to the past, when I had met him again after a quite some time, after he had become distant to most of the people we knew back in college. None of the people around us truly knew then that his friends had left him when things were hard for him, and I had chosen to become his friend at the time because I knew what it was like to lose everyone because of all the choices we made.

“I would never turn my back on you,” I told him, while he only gave me a bitter chuckle.

“Well, most people did. They always said it didn’t matter, but then they couldn’t look at me the same way again.”

I bit my lip when I remembered those days. Those final days before I finally left college, when people were whispering things on campus. Bad rumours had always been easy to travel quickly, especially when it came to a person like Yoongi. “Did people ever find out? I thought nobody ever clarified the rumours that had been going around at campus.”

He scoffed. “No, but it happened around the same time I began cutting back from classes and partying, so I guess people took it as a confirmation to them being true. And I had no point or a reason to deny it. Especially since when the truth finally came out, it didn’t really help much to make a difference in the situation.”

I reached out to him and grabbed his hand. “It doesn’t really matter anymore, does it? It’s in the past and you have grown far from that. And you’ll have my back as long as you have me.”

Chuckling softly, Yoongi gave me a relieved smile as he gripped my hand tighter. “Good. Cause you’ll have mine as long as I can help it.”

My heart felt full and warm with the promise that we shared, but at the same time, I also felt the weight of guilt brewing inside my chest as I said those words to him. I was grateful and glad for our friendship and knowing that we would be there for each other no matter what cause, and I had meant every word I said. But I couldn’t help but wished that I had been able to do the same and keep my promise to someone else.

I still wished that I had been able to do the same to another person who I should have never turned my back on in the past.

—Present life. Year 2018—

Winter break had barely ended when I returned to campus at the beginning of the new year.

The cold breeze still felt so strong even though spring was right in the corner that I had to tighten my coat while I paced down the slippery sidewalk towards the rendezvous spot. Taehyung had to repeatedly look over his shoulder to make sure that I was still following him close behind and that I hadn’t slipped away without him noticing. It was partly my fault that he got worried. Simply because I kept refusing his help each time he tried to hold my hand as we walked down the icy sidewalk on our not so sufficient boots. But I also knew that he could barely hold his own, which had been the reason why I didn’t want to become a burden.

Not when I was supposed to be here to give him the support he needed.

I looked up to notice that we were getting close to the east side plaza, where the largest park in the campus’ vicinity was located and also where people were gathering for the event. Loud voices and excited chatters were heard just when we were coming up around the corner, while Taehyung’s gaze looked both amused and nervous when he looked over to me for the last time.

He waited for me right before we went there. This time, I reached out for his hand and held on tightly. “You okay?”

“Fine, just nerves,” he said, shrugging, acting like it was no big deal. But I knew him, both in this lifetime and in the previous one, enough to know that he was blanketing his emotions and thoughts from me. And yet, I only chose not to push him too much about it and tried to have him think of other things instead.

“Okay, now remind me again why we came all the way here? Classes won’t start until the end of the month,” I asked him, just when a series of laughter was heard from the plaza. “And why the hell did they choose to meet up out here anyway? It’s fucking cold.”

Taehyung chuckled as he watched me wrapped my arms around myself and tugged me to come and walk with him, huddling close to keep our bodies warm. “These people are volunteers who are interested to join the spring project. I heard that they wanted to gather as many volunteers as they could get before everyone gets swamped with classes and assignments,” he began talking as he guided the two of us to join the crowd.

As we came up to the plaza, the place had already been filled with students, all wrapped up in thick winter coats and sweaters, all rubbing their hands together to keep themselves warm. But everyone shared the same wide eyes and bright, excited faces as they waited for the event to start. Everyone was standing together, facing the stage at the center. I kept on watching the people around us as Taehyung led us to the middle ground, all while sharing everything there was to know about the event.

This project was held by the local social acts group formed by students from the Social Studies and Medical Faculty, with some of Taehyung’s seniors whom he had grown close to leading the group. They always held their annual community service to help children or elders in need, and Taehyung had been involved in them a few times through the past year that he had probably grown accustomed to all of this.

Most of the work that he had done had mostly involved children, since that had been his main interest for his studies. But early winter, he had joined the service to provide coals and firewoods for elders and poor families who lived in isolated areas. For the past year, Taehyung had enjoyed doing this service and charity work because it had made him happy, it had given him a purpose and new goals to achieve, while opening a way for his future career.

In a different lifetime, being involved with this cause had only served as a form of escape.

And it was what had brought him far, far away from me until the day the bridge between us finally burned for good. All driven from the hurt that I had caused him.

“What’s the goal for the spring project, then?” I asked him just when he found us an empty spot with the perfect view towards the stage. The cold didn’t feel as harsh now as we stood between these people, but Taehyung still wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me close to keep me warm.

“That’s what we’re all here for. The group always chooses their project from the ideas that they collect from their members or other volunteers, then chooses a captain to lead according to what kind of social service or charity they are doing. They haven’t decided what they were going to be working on this spring. Looking from all of these people gathering here, I’m guessing it’s going to be a big one. They’ve never had this many people being interested to join.”

“Maybe this is for the project that you wanted to sign up so badly before? The one they said they were going to send volunteers to the southern hemisphere?” I asked him, reminded of his wish to join the volunteer work that may give him a chance to travel to places while continuing his study.

Taehyung shook his head. “I don’t know. It could be. They haven’t really announced anything for that one either.”

I was about to say something, asking him more about this group and the organisation behind its cause, when a few people stepped up to the stage. One of the female leaders took the microphone and began to greet everyone who was present, applauding people who had come even in the cold. But I barely paid any attention to a word she said when I followed Taehyung’s gaze and saw him standing there with the other members of the volunteer group.

“There he is. Namjoon is always there with them. He’s been made captain on the last few projects that we’ve worked on,” he said, sounding almost distractedly as he watched Namjoon conversing with his friends on stage. I had to admit, the man really was attractive. His whole presence oozed confidence and his demeanour showed me that he was a smart man. Smart enough to be extremely persuasive. A dimple showed on his face when he smiled, and his laughter echoed through the stage, almost rivalling the MC’s voice as she continued to speak.

“Has he approached you yet?” I asked.

Taehyung shrugged. “He’s been a bit friendly, but that’s about it.”

“Is that why I’m here? To make sure that you would have someone to remind you to consider things before signing up?” I turn to look at him, waggling my brow to tease him a little.

This time, Taehyung turned to me and snickered. “Well, you know what they said. The only way for someone to avoid getting swayed by a handsome looking guy who happens to be an extremely persuasive man is to have your childhood crush standing right with you.”

“Whatever you say,” I said, chuckling as he tightened his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. Neither of us said a thing as we listened to the MC spoke, before she finally handed the microphone to Namjoon, who became the one to talk about the project and let the volunteers learn more about the system, the plans, and how to sign up.

We shared nothing more but a bittersweet feeling while we were entranced as we listened to Namjoon speak, holding each other the way we never could in another life we shared.

We didn’t only come here to admire this man or to only see what today was all about, but to simply find answers. To slowly connect the dots and put the puzzle pieces together to fill the blanks, just so we could lay down every part of that other lifetime for us to understand where did everything went wrong.

There had been parts of the past, faces and names of the people that had become a part of my previous life that I could not recall or draw from my jumbled memory so easily. I may have seen or felt their presence in those memories, but some of them had appeared in my dreams merely as blurry shadows, faceless figures, people whose voice only came to me as if they had been submerged underwater.

Kim Namjoon was one of the missing pieces of the puzzle that had caused a rift in my friendship with Taehyung in another lifetime. In my memory, he was nothing but a nameless shadow, one that I feared and hated almost as much as the painful parts I shared with Jungkook from the past life. It took Taehyung finding him to help me remember everything—who he was, what he had done, and everything that happened then—all the broken memories had been unravelled the day Taehyung had first introduced me to this man sometime last semester.

And the reminder of who he was had come in the right time, because he had already become a part of Taehyung’s life through these activities he had been involved in. Because just like how it happened in the past life, Kim Namjoon was the one who had convinced Taehyung to join their movement.

The only difference now was that Taehyung had me by his side. That Taehyung had not been wounded when they first met.

In the past life, Kim Namjoon had come into Taehyung’s life when Taehyung needed someone to look up to, when Taehyung needed a friend and guidance while I kept on pushing him away, leaving him in the blind and completely alone. In that part of our lives, the man had come in at the right time, right when my best friend was completely vulnerable. And he had eased his way in so easily, filling the void in Taehyung’s life, saying all the right words and showing all the right things to have Taehyung follow him wherever he would go. What had started as a good cause to give Taehyung a purpose in life, it had ended leading him to get involved with the bad crowd, to join the bad business that Namjoon was secretly building behind his gentle smile and manipulative ways of making people around him feel special.

Taehyung had loved him with his wounded heart, and he had given the man everything. Only to have Namjoon suck his heart and soul dry, before tossing him away once he was done with him.

And I was not there to catch him when he fell.

“So what do you think? Are you going to join this one?”

The gathering event had ended two hours ago, and now we were heading towards the coffee shop where I had been working part-time for the past few months. Taehyung had insisted to walk me there despite his dorm being located in the opposite direction, saying that he was worried that I would slip if I had gone alone. After all the trouble we had by walking through the icy road and the slippery sidewalks this morning, I had no reason to argue. And I also knew that he only wanted to spend some more time with me before he had to leave for his part-time job, so I just let him be.

Ever since we watched Namjoon’s speech, Taehyung had been left in a daze. He had always reacted this way whenever he saw Namjoon. I was never quite sure whether it was due to my warnings regarding the man or if he had truly developed some sort of a crush or perhaps grown the same hero worship that he had for the man the same way he did in the different lifetime.

“I’m not sure yet,” he finally said. “Even if the cause is going to be just around the city, I don’t think I can make it if they’re starting around the same time my classes are starting over.”

His reasoning had made complete sense. But deep down, I also knew that he was lying. He was conflicted. I could feel it. And he was trying so much to hold back from whatever it was that had been bothering him.

Once Namjoon was done with his speech and the event presentation on stage, he had come down to approach Taehyung while the other students had started lining up to join the cause. He had pulled us both to the side, persuading us personally.

“It wouldn’t be as tiring as the one we did last time. We’re only visiting some of the schools at the neighbouring towns. We’re going to give classes, lend some care for the kids, do some health check-up, while the group from the Engineering Faculty will be there to help with technicalities, like building new facilities or fix old structures that didn’t survive the winter,” Namjoon had told the both of us, pretty much summarising his own presentation on stage to make sure that he would point out all the compelling factors to appeal Taehyung. “You’ve always enjoyed working on any causes that involve children, so I’m sure this would be perfect for you. Not to mention, we’ll be getting extra credits for each movement we make this semester with the faculty supporting us through funds and getting us sponsors.”

I could tell that he was getting through to Taehyung when I saw my best friend watching him with wide eyes. But I had been focusing more on Namjoon, letting my own curiosity and wonder get to me. And for someone who appeared so open, so enticing, and one whose main job was to approach people, Kim Namjoon was hard to read.

My memories of him had been nothing but scraps. It had seemed that in my other life, I had no opportunity to know him in person as he was merely a part of Taehyung’s world once our friendship fell apart and we became worlds apart. This time, I had more opportunities to know this man in person. Still, the only things I had come to know about him had only come from Taehyung.

The only thing I knew about him was that he was a year senior from us, focusing on Medical Studies to become a neurosurgeon. He was a brilliant student, had always come with the highest grade in his year, and he had been active in great causes to help people.

None of that information had ever told us the reason why everything fell apart for Taehyung when they began doing all of their causes together. We only knew that in the past life, Taehyung had gone away with him to a place far away, never to return until everything had been much too late. We just never knew when and how, and I knew that this was the reason why Taehyung had been so afraid to take the risk.

“Remember what you said to me back then, before I met Jimin? Back when I was too scared to even go out and have fun?” I asked him as we continued to walk in silence. The coffee shop had appeared on sight, so I knew that this would be the only chance I could ever be able to say this.

“No, I don’t. What did I say?”

I turned to him. “You told me to be cautious, but not too cautious that I don’t get to live and enjoy the present,” I said. “I know you’re worried about the risk of getting close to him without knowing what exactly happened to you in the past after you got together with him, but I know that you enjoy doing these things. So just go for it. If you do it, I’ll be there to join you so you won’t have to be there alone.”

Taehyung smiled at me as he listened to my promises. I could tell that he was relieved to hear it. “You would?”

“Didn’t I promise that I would never let anything come between us? Not this time,” I told him, reminding him all the promises that I had made back then when we found out that one of the many reasons why our lives had fallen apart was because neither of us was there for the other.

I had made a promise that I would never let that happen again. That I would never let him stray away from my life. No matter what. In a different life, I may have left him to fend for himself. This life had to be different. This time, we had each other.

“Right, okay,” he said, nodding to himself while sighing deeply. The frown that he had carried with him ever since we left the campus’ plaza disappeared when he looked at me. In its place came a smile, and a pair of eyes so bright it made me believe that he would be able to conquer everything if he wanted to.

“Thanks for coming with me this morning,” he said, giving me a side hug as we continued our walk.

“You know I don’t mind it. We haven’t been spending too much time together lately,” I told him as I leaned to him.

For the past few months, both of us had been busy focusing on our own lives. While my relationship with Jimin was blossoming, Taehyung was busy tackling different challenges in his life. We haven’t been spending a lot of time with each other the way we used to aside from the time we spent when we went back to our hometown together during the holidays, yet another reason why I had wanted to do this with him.

Despite our busy lives, things had been completely different still.

At least this time, he was still there, and he had yet to disappear from my life. Even if we couldn’t see each other, all we needed to do was to pick up the phone and we would be there for each other even through the distance.

“We’re still on for tonight, right?” he asked me just as we arrived at the coffee shop.

“Absolutely. Are you picking me up here once my shift ends?”

“Yeah. I might stop by at the library to drop some books, but I’ll come to get you right after,” he said, before giving me a hug as he said goodbye.

“Alright then. See you later.”

I stood in front of the coffee shop for a while longer, watching him walk away until he disappeared right around the corner on his way to the daycare center he had been working at. The coffee shop wasn’t too crowded when I walked in, with the majority of the students had yet to return on campus after the long winter break.

But that soon changed the moment my shift began, right when the rush of the lunch hour started. Students and workers from the nearby offices came in, forming a long line only minutes after I had taken over the cashier. The rush lasted for a little over an hour, much shorter than the regular hustle that would no doubt begin the moment the next term started at the end of the month.

Even if I had been out and active since early morning, I served the patrons with a smile on my face. Before I knew it, the line of customer started to dwindle. By the time I served the last patron, my back was sore and my legs were tight, but something was telling me that I wasn’t supposed to take a break yet. So I stayed behind the counter while my co-worker for the day—the only one there since many of the other staff had yet to return from their holiday—turned to ask if he could take a quick break while there was no customer coming in.

“I’m going to take a quick smoke break, is that okay? We can switch once I’m back,” he said, already in the middle of untying his apron to avoid getting some smoke on it.

“Sure, no problem. I got it handled.”

I turned back to check on my phone once he was gone, taking my time to reply to some messages that I got from Jimin who was asking about my day and my plans for the night. I had just pressed the send button when the bell at the front door chimed behind me, but it took me a few seconds too long to put my phone away before a deep voice called out.

“Excuse me. Can I make an order?”

I turned around to greet the new customer. But the moment I saw him, my body went frozen stiff and my head began to spin.

I had never met this person before. And yet, I remembered him.

Each time I tried to reclaim my memories, there was a void where someone was supposed to be a part of. There was a presence that was constant in almost every part of my painful memories. Yet aside from everyone that I had remembered so far, this person had always been nothing but a shadow, a faceless entity that was there, but never completely solid.

But the moment I saw him standing there, right on the other side of the counter, waiting for me to take his orders, his face brought all the missing pieces together. All the blurry images I had been seeing in my dreams came to me in flashing moments, so quick, so random, but far more clearly than how they all had been. His face filled all of those empty voids. His face, his eyes, his small smile, they replaced the faceless man who had been there by my side through all of the hurt, through all of my journeys.

In those dreams, in those flashing memories that I had been getting, I could never see the face of the man who was holding my hand while I was fighting for my life. And at that moment, as I was looking straight into this customer’s eyes, his face was all I see being there by my side.

He was there.

He was always there.

“Um—hello?”

The man waved his hand right in front of my face with an amused look, snapping me right out of my stupor.

“Oh, uh—yes, hi. Sorry, what can I get you?” I questioned him, unable to hold back the nervous chuckle that came bubbling out. Thankfully, he only smiled.

“I’ll have a cup of espresso and a bagel,” he said, only after taking a moment perusing through the menu placed above the counter.

My fingers were shaking when I was placing his orders into the cashier machine, so I kept my eyes down to make sure I wasn’t making a mistake. “Right. To go?”

He hummed softly and looked around. “Um—no, I think I’ll take them here.”

“Okay,” I said, taking a moment to finish up his orders. “Thank you. You can take a seat or wait on the counter. We’ll call your name once your order is ready.”

“Yeah, okay. My name is—”

“Yoongi,” I blurted out before he could even finish. For some reason, just like how his face filled all the missing puzzle, his name just came into my head as if I had known him my whole life.

When I saw his eyebrows came up to his forehead, I knew then that he was just as surprised as I was. “What? Have we met?”

“Um, well—” I began to stutter while my brain seemed to just stop working indefinitely. So I only said the first thing I could think of as an excuse, “You’re pretty well known. I mean, my friends know you. I just suddenly remember your name.”

Well, at least that was not a complete lie. I was pretty sure that perhaps some of my friends would know him, and I did just remember his name.

He looked at me with a frown, not looking entirely convinced, but he said nothing of it when he handed me his cash to pay for his orders. “Right, well. That’s me. I’m Yoongi.”

“Of course,” I said, avoiding his gaze as I put his money in. “I’ll call you when your coffee is ready.”

His eyes lingered on me for a few seconds, filled with curiosity and probably a bunch of other questions, but he only nodded. “Thanks,” he said to me as he walked to the other side of the counter, leaving me feeling lightheaded.

Everything seemed to be colliding together right at the same time. The final missing pieces of the puzzle were coming to place one at a time. As if the whole universe was trying to shove everything to my face, though I really had no idea just what it was trying to tell me.

—Present life. Hot and Spicy Grill. Year 2018—

As promised, Taehyung had picked me up at work right the moment my shift was up.

There was nothing much to say between us as we drove away in his small city car from the coffee shop, since I was still trying to process the shock of having the unexpected meeting during work earlier while Taehyung seemed like he was having his own turmoil to deal with. He was silent during the drive, looking distracted but thankfully not enough to derail him from driving the car properly. But his silence had made it hard for me to question it when he suddenly started leading the car away from the campus grounds and he kept going further until the car entered the freeway.

It took a few turns before the sight around me changed, the suburbs getting further away behind us, when I finally grew wary and curious that I simply had to speak up. “Are you sure we’re still going to dinner? You’re not planning on kidnapping me, are you?”

Taehyung’s eyes grew wide before he chuckled. “Sorry, it’s a surprise,” he said. “Don’t worry, I won’t go crazy and take you to any place with no civilisation like what Jimin did.”

Smiling, I looked away from him when my face began to flush. I had told him once about the surprise trip that Jimin had taken me to—which I had to spill because I had completely forgotten to call him back that night after we had just parted way minutes before Jimin came to pick me up. I had told him about how Jimin planned out an outdoor picnic with a thousand stars above us and the view of the valley everywhere I looked, though I had to skip telling him about the ‘dessert’ Jimin gave me under the same stars which had sent me flying to heavenly bliss.

Judging from the sly smirk he was making now, I supposed he had made his own guess to what had happened on the date once the food was left forgotten.

As I looked out the window, I finally realised that he was right. He was not taking me towards the same area that Jimin had taken me to. On the outer lane of the freeway, I saw buildings and dense trees instead of hills and valleys. And to my relief, what I was seeing was the kind of trees I would normally see packed up in the city. The lanes were getting more and more packed with cars as we went further, so I wasn’t quite surprised to see him turning to the exit heading downtown.

“Sorry for the long trip,” he said. “I just found out about this place a while ago and wanted to check it out. I figured if I want to take anyone here to try it then it should be you since we haven’t done this for a while.”

“Aww—that’s so nice that you’re thinking of me. You are truly the best friend every girl needs. The man after my own heart. Or, in this case, stomach,” I teased him, earning his laugh.

It didn’t take much longer than fifteen minutes after we were out of the freeway before he pulled into a small spaced parking lot, and my gaze fell on the small restaurant that seemed like it had only opened pretty recently. “Is it a barbecue and grill place? Awesome!”

“Figured you’ll love it,” he said, turning the car engine off. “Let’s go before the place gets packed with the dinner crowd.”

It didn’t take us long to be seated. But Taehyung was right. Not too long after we made our orders, more and more people started coming in and the place was full within minutes.

“I hope this place is good. People keep talking about this place so I bet these people came from everywhere around the city. I don’t even doubt that we would see some familiar faces from campus,” Taehyung told me after taking a quick look around.

“I’m really hungry I can eat anything at this point,” I said, smiling at him. It really didn’t matter where we were or if the trip here had been worth it. It was spending the time with my best friend during all of the things that had been going on in our lives which I had been most excited about.

The tables around us had started grilling and Taehyung seemed giddy in his seat, looking excited as he looked at the meal with a deep longing in his eyes and he licked his lips at the roasted beef cooking beside us. This was something that I had missed, enjoying our time together and to see him loosening up. Each time we were together, I would look at him and wonder how we ever came apart.

How much different was it back then between us compared to us now? Would we still have this if I had never learned all the mistakes we made in the past life?

Taehyung was picking on the welcome snacks when I felt my phone vibrating in my bag. Remembering that I had promised Jimin to text him the moment Taehyung had succeeded in picking me up at work while he couldn’t, I pulled out the phone and smiled when I noticed that he had messaged me first.

From Jimin: Hey, babe. Are you out with Taehyung?

From Jimin: I’m taking a break atm and I thought about you. Hope he didn’t decide to steal you away from me :(

A smile came to my face as I was reading through his messages. I could picture him sitting down in the middle of his dance practice, all sweaty and breathless while he was typing these words. My heart jumped and it made me realise how much I missed him, even if we had only been apart for a day thanks to our schedules.

To Jimin: I’m safe. He’s not kidnapping me or whatever, but you did give him an idea of taking me far away from campus

From Jimin: Sorry, my bad :p

To Jimin: How’s practice?

From Jimin: These guys are relentless. I’ll probably wake up all sore and bruised tomorrow

To Jimin: But you love it

From Jimin: I do :)

To Jimin: What time will you be done?

From Jimin: We’re doing one more round of practice then I’ll be on my way home

Home. The way he had said it made my heart stir. Ever since we became official, Jimin had repeatedly asked me to move in with him. But I have yet to give an answer, thinking that perhaps things had been going on too fast. If there was anything that I learned from putting all the pieces from my other life together was that moving too fast could lead to a disaster.

Would I dare risk it and say yes? I knew that it was something that my previous self—the other ’me’—had wished for. I saw her dreams as some broken fragments of memories in my dreams, had even mistaken them as actual memories until I managed to decipher them as parts of imaginations instead, and many of those images had shown me various types of white picket fence houses. The settings and everything else around them would be a blurry mess and they had kept changing each time they came to me, but there had always been one part of it that had been consistent, an invariable factor from all of these dreams—Jimin.

“Is that Jimin?” Taehyung questioned me the moment he noticed the expressions I was making as I was messaging my boyfriend back, not realising that my mind had started to wander. “Is he still at practice?”

Putting away my phone, I smiled at him. “Yeah. That’s him. He was checking on me. Kinda. I told him that I’d be with you while he’s busy with his dance.”

Taehyung tilted his head. “Doesn’t he bring you to his practices?”

“No,” I said, snickering to myself when I remembered how adamant Jimin had been to stop me when I insisted to come to his practice. “Jimin said it’s better for me to just watch the actual performance. I think he’s still a bit embarrassed to show me all the process behind his work.”

Taehyung chuckled. Shaking his head, he only commented lightly, “He probably didn’t want you distracting him. Or worse, have his friends coming on to you while he’s busy dancing.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Both of us knew that Jimin had a bit of a jealousy streak, but not so much that it made me feel suffocated just to be with him, or to feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells. The only way he had been showing it was to playfully complain or he would sometimes poke fun on me, acting sulky but never too much.

There was only one person in this world who could tick him off the wrong way. And honestly, Jimin was not the only one who was against this same person.

Looking up at Taehyung, I realised that he had never been kind to each time Jungkook’s name was mentioned. Out of everyone in my life, he was the only person who knew why I had to stay away from Jungkook. He was the only one who had heard all the stories, everything that I remembered from the other ’me’ and all that I felt when the memories returned.

Just like how I was the only person who knew what would happen to both of us if we would ever make another mistake.

Taehyung glanced towards the table next to us one last time, growing impatient while he was completely oblivious to where my mind had been wandering to. Watching him like this reminded me of how distracted he had been when he first came to pick me up, suggesting that something must have happened to him between the moment when we parted ways to the time he came by at the coffee shop. I had been waiting for him to talk about it, only to have him constantly acting as if I had yet to notice his odd behaviour.

“So how was your day?” I finally asked him when his gaze turned blank and he was suddenly becoming more interested in the paper napkin which he had placed on his lap. “You haven’t told me much about your work and your trip to the library.”

He shrugged. “It’s fine.”

That got me raising my brows. It was becoming more obvious to me now that he was trying to avoid talking about it. “Really?”

Taehyung looked up to me, pressing his lips before he released a defeated sigh. “I hate you,” he said, catching me off guard before he suddenly chuckled. “I hate that I can never lie to you.”

Smiling to him, I merely shrugged my shoulders the way he often did. “We’ve been friends since forever. If there’s one person in this world who knows you better than yourself, it would be me,” I said teasingly, before I added, “Second to Hoseok. Sometimes I wonder if he’s secretly your brother, not mine.”

Taehyung chuckled at that. There was no lie that he had come to grow close to Hoseok as we grew up together. Our friendship had started from a play date held by our Moms that happened when we were kids, only because our houses were located in the same block and I was the only one in the neighbourhood who was at the same age as he was. Then our friendship grew in elementary school when we promised to have each other’s backs, and we stayed close as we kept on going to the same school, doing the same things together growing up, then he stayed with me when I got sick and while I was recovering in the hospital years ago. But, as a boy, he had looked up to Hoseok as if he was his own older brother, and Hoseok had taken a liking to him especially because he had always wanted a brother.

“True. Though he wouldn’t be subtle if he wants to know stuff about me. He’d probably be snapping at me—Come on! Spill!” Taehyung jokingly imitated Hoseok’s tone of voice, which made me laugh when I saw his face and I could actually imagine my brother’s voice coming out of him.

“Seriously, though. What is it?” I asked again before he ever had a chance to change the topic around and avoid answering your question. “You came to the coffee shop looking like someone had just hurt your dog. And you’ve been pretty quiet when you’re not talking about this place and the food.”

Once again, he pressed his lips together. “Nothing much, really,” he started, though he suddenly grew restless in his seat and he began to look away, finding it hard to look into my eyes. He suddenly seemed nervous, yet I still felt a hint of relief when I didn’t see any guilt in his eyes, it would probably be worse if he was hiding something big from me.

“It’s just—” he said, clearing his throat. “I stumbled upon Namjoon at the library earlier.”

“You did?”

Are you sure that he was not stalking you? —Was what I had originally wanted to say, but I kept them to myself.

Taehyung looked down briefly before facing me again. “Right, so—he kept on asking me to join the cause and the rest of their spring activities cause they needed more people. Then he started asking me about my classes, the professors I’ve gotten this semester, before he suddenly asked if we could grab a coffee sometime.”

I blinked. He had spoken so quickly during the last part of his sentence that I wasn’t sure if I was hearing things right until it finally clicked for me a few milliseconds too long. “He asked you to go out for coffee?” I asked, to which he nodded. “Like—casually? Or—”

“Like—he just literally said, ‘Hey, why don’t we grab some coffee sometime and talk more?’, in a friendly kind of way,” he said, imitating Namjoon’s voice in his own way.

“What did you say to him?”

“Nothing,” he said, shrugging sheepishly. “I was kind of shocked and he only patted me in the back and walked away.”

I blinked again. “Funny how he seems to insist having you around a lot,” I muttered, before looking at him suspiciously. “He even came to you this morning while the gathering was clearing up. And you said he wasn’t interested to make a move on you.”

The waiter came in just then to drop our drinks and Taehyung took his time to take a sip of his cold beer before answering, “I don’t know either. He didn’t seem like he even noticed me that much in the past year.”

“How did you feel about his offer then?”

He raised his brows. “How I felt? Well—I certainly didn’t have all the goosebumps, the fireworks, or my heart beating fast cause I have no jumbled memories mixing in between the good and the bad, so—”

“Hey, watch it—” I warned him while pointing a straw at him. “No, I’m just asking cause it seemed to bother you a little.”

“It’s not. It’s just—” he seemed to contemplate his answers for a moment, like he was trying to find the best way to explain his trail of thoughts even while he was having trouble understanding it himself.

“I guess I was just wondering, why me?” he finally said. “I mean, I kind of understand why he would be approaching me—another ’me’—in the alter life. It must have been compelling to come on to someone who seemed broken and lost and I had probably seen him as my saviour, the light of my life after the darkness, the white knight.”

His overly dramatic expression had you raising your brows. “He’s kind of a heartthrob too.”

“Yeah—” he hummed. “I won’t even deny the fact that he’s attractive. But normal me? This me? I wouldn’t have picked him as the type of guy I’d be dating if I would—” he stopped and started glancing around, as if he was afraid that someone might be listening in. “You know.”

And I did know what he was trying to tell me. For someone who had been open about his sexual preferences, he was still wary about the world around us, not too sure on how they would perceive him.

He leaned back on his seat when he added, “He seems so put together too. But after knowing what would have happened if I had just let things be, I can somehow look past his false act of composure and find him seem a bit unhinged.”

“Seriously?” I questioned him, laughing. “Unhinged? Have you been reading criminal fiction novels in your Psych classes?”

He rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

I laughed at him, but then stopped myself as I watched him closely. While a part of me was relieved that he believed me enough to tread things carefully, I was also feeling the guilt for allowing him to build his own boundaries by giving him all the warnings on what was supposed to be our future. Even though he was giving it the best he could, I still worried that he might not be living his life to the fullest potential just because he was afraid to make any decision that could lead to the end of our friendship.

Taehyung looked at me when I fell silent. “What? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Sighing, I had no choice but to share my thoughts on this. “Just wondering if I’ve made the right decision on letting you know about your supposed future. What if my memories had been wrong this whole time and it wasn’t Namjoon that I saw? What if he’s just a good guy with his mind on his good cause who happens to have an innocent crush on my best friend?”

Taehyung seemed to ponder on it briefly before shaking his head. “I’ve been talking shit and making long speeches about you risking things by not staying away from this dude who had supposedly ruined your life and your trust to other human beings—”

I rolled my eyes. “His name is Jungkook.”

But he continued on, ignoring me completely. “—so I’ve decided not to risk mine. Second chances, remember?”

His words made me stop. I bit my lip and nodded. “Second chances.”

Taehyung gave me a grim smile when he nodded back, but it also appeared to me that there was a huge weight being pulled away from his shoulders. As if being honest with each other had been freeing for him, something that I was feeling too.

Noticing that our meal order had yet to arrive at our table, Taehyung looked around and pushed himself out of his seat. “The food’s going to be here any minute but I’m going to need the restrooms. I’ll be right back,” he said, before he left his seat to make a quick run to the restrooms at the back.

I watched him leave just in time for my phone to vibrate in my hand. I looked down, opening the messaging app immediately for thinking that Jimin had texted some more before his practice would start again, only to stop when I saw Jungkook’s name flashing on the screen instead.

From Jungkook: Hey, I hope I’m not texting you with your boyfriend around :p

From Jungkook: It’s been a while since I’ve seen you at the pub

From Jungkook: Is everything okay?

Biting my lips, I looked over to where I saw Taehyung had disappeared to and breathed a sigh of relief that the message had come in while he was gone. Taehyung would have only needed to take one look at my face before he would start asking questions, including why I had been texting with Jungkook from time to time.

To Jungkook: everything’s fine

To Jungkook: Been a bit busy, that’s all. How are you?

From Jungkook: doing okay

From Jungkook: I’m finally back on campus and I just got my schedules at the pub. Will be performing on stage next Friday night

From Jungkook: Will you come?

I lowered the phone to my lap, having no idea how to respond. While most of our texts had been about keeping up with each other’s lives, there had been a few times when he would invite me to his show at the pub. I had only come to watch him a couple of times, most of them without even saying hello to him directly and leaving before giving him a chance to sit with me. I knew it was wrong to keep in touch and talk to him like this after what I had promised my best friend before, but it had not been easy for me to ignore him.

And he was not someone who would give up so easily either that ignoring his text messages was never a choice. Not when he would often try to find me or even call me until he could talk to me.

From Jungkook: ________?

Another message came in, letting me know that he was waiting for my response. Biting my lip, I pondered over the options. What was I supposed to say? And would he be happy to hear what my answers if I had refused to come?

And why on earth was I already wondering what clothes to wear for the night at the pub?

To Jungkook: Sorry

To Jungkook: I’ll try to be there. What time?

From Jungkook: the second stage of the night. 8 PM

From Jungkook: I’ll be waiting :)

Reading through his response, my stomach turned and my chest grew tight with guilt. There was no way out of this now. And I really had no idea what I was doing either, knowing that Friday night would be the night I would usually come to stay at Jimin’s place so we could spend the weekend together.

“Fuck,” I cursed at myself, before tossing my phone into my bag to avoid looking through his messages again.

The meal we ordered had just arrived at the table when Taehyung returned, with the waiter apologising to the two of us repeatedly about the long wait, explaining to us overwhelmed they were as the restaurant was a full house for the night. As Taehyung returned to his seat, the waiter walked away from our table, and my eyes were drawn to follow him as he weaved through the floor between the tables to return to the kitchen area.

That was when I saw him. His head bobbing over the other seated guests as he walked across the room until he found the table that seemed to have been reserved for him.

“What?” Taehyung questioned me when he noticed, his voice drawing my attention when I was still looking far away. “What is it?” he asked again when he got no answer, then he began looking around the seating area to find what I was looking at.

“I saw someone. From campus. Though it seems a bit odd that he had come all the way to this place to eat,” I said, disregarding the fact that it had been the same case for us since Taehyung and I had driven far to be there too. “There, he’s on the table at the corner. Wearing a black shirt and a black cap.”

He followed the direction I was subtly pointing to, taking a few seconds before his eyes grew with recognition when he finally found Yoongi at the other side of the restaurant.

“You know him?” he asked, raising his brows at me when he turned to me again. “I thought the only people you know on campus are just me, Jimin, and his cousin.”

“Ha, ha, funny,” I sneered at him while rolling my eyes while he enjoyed having been able to mock me about it. But then my eyes went back to his table, seeing Yoongi with another man who looked like him, but a bit older.

“He came to the coffee shop earlier today on my shift,” I told him, finding him looking at Yoongi again as if he wanted to make sure. “You know who he is?”

He turned back to you with wide eyes. “Min Yoongi? Everyone knows him. He’s pretty popular among the frat boys. He’s always leading his friends on the stuff they always organise in their frat houses, though he hasn’t really been in the scene that much lately.”

“And you have?”

He scoffed at me. “Hey, unlike you, I still have a reputation to uphold,” he teased me, snickering when I gave him a scowl. “My dorm mate gets invited to their parties a lot and I always go with him when I can.”

I looked over to Yoongi again, noticing the broody look that he was wearing even as he was chatting with his companion. His brother, more likely, since they looked pretty similar from this distance. Except that when Yoongi was wearing a dark shirt, his brother was wearing something lighter and a bit too formal for a grill house. “So, why hasn’t he been around?”

“Seems like he’s graduating this year, and rumours said he had already taken a job at his brother’s company so he no longer spends much time on campus unless necessary,” he explained slowly before he began glancing around warily the way he did previously. “But, um—there’s also this rumour going around.”

I snapped my head to look at him. “What kind of rumour?”

Taehyung took another quick glance at Yoongi before leaning closer so he could whisper, “Someone said they caught him kissing a TA. A male TA. It happened at a dorm party.”

My eyes grew instantly wide and I had to lean closer as I whispered angrily, “And people just—what? Stay away from him?”

Taehyung shrugged. “I’m not sure, but it seems like his friends are beginning to dwindle. I don’t think it’s because they’re afraid of the repercussions from sticking around or if it’s because there’s a possibility that he’s queer if the rumours are true, it’s just—” he swallowed hard, looking sympathetic as he glanced one more time towards Yoongi’s table before looking at me again, and I knew that the look he was giving me was there only due to the fact that he had once been in his shoes. “He’s been hiding this for so long, if it’s really true. Maybe they’re just pissed cause he’s been keeping a secret. You know how those frat boys are, they hold secrets like a treasure.”

They sure did.

Because according to one of my strongest memories of all, one of the biggest secrets that had been painful enough for me to remember from my past life was how Jungkook’s friends had also had a hand in hiding his sins from me.

Shaking my head, I chose to look away from Yoongi. “Still seems so stupid to just turn their backs on him like that just because of some rumours,” I wondered out loud, when the bitter truth of how he was left abandoned by the same people who were supposed to support him through it truly sunk in.

“It makes you think. Doesn’t it?” he asked me, though it sounded more like he was wondering out loud just like I was.

“About what?” I asked him.

“How you can’t always depend on others to stay in your life forever,” he said to me with an as-matter-factly tone, though it also sounded bitter, because he had experienced it too. Meeting his eyes, I was suddenly glad that I had been able to show him that he deserved the kind of support he needed too.

As we continued with our dinner, talking about all the silly and mundane things from our daily lives, I couldn’t shake the nagging thought still hanging in the back of my head. Too many coincidences happening on the same day. Right at that moment, just when I recounted that I had met Yoongi coincidentally twice in the same day after not being able to remember him for so long, something in my head clicked.

I just didn’t know what to do about it. And I had no idea how I could make it all possible to even happen.

—First life. St. Vincent’s Hospital, year 2027—

As the final weeks before the surgery slowly started creeping up on me, I was slowly becoming a complete nervous wreck.

The fact that I was having an on and off fever also did not help my case at all. I was feeling like crap, was constantly exhausted, without knowing if the reason I kept on falling asleep was due to the overwhelming dose of painkillers that still remained in my blood or if my body had succumbed to the lingering pain that had only been intensifying, as if the masses in my body knew that they were about to be torn to pieces and they were giving their last fight.

My family, which mainly included Hoseok and Kara with the additional help from Yoongi, had been coming and going to stay with me and nurse me whenever needed. I knew that they were trying to ease my mind by staying positive whenever they were around, lifting my spirit while distracting me with things that they knew would make me happy. They would do everything they could, from bringing me movies, books, sometimes food or snacks that I could take without breaking the doctors’ rules and ones that I could swallow easily, to telling me stories or life updates that would be able to stop me from thinking about all the negative things I was facing.

But as the days were coming closer to the day of the surgery, not a single thing could help ease my mind. It was then when I finally realised that the fear had never truly sunk in, and it was only then that my brain was finally processing the fact that I was about to face a high-risk procedure that—according to some of the things I had been reading while I was preparing for it—also had a high chance of failure. And every illusion that I had let itself grow inside my mind, the false hope and optimism shattered like a glass wall and I was faced with the reality that perhaps all of what I was about to go through would be nothing but a fruitless attempt of getting me out of my bind.

It was even worse because I also knew that the people around me were doing all they could to hide the fact that Jimin had been absent.

The emptiness I felt without him there had seemed like a void, a black hole that was growing larger inside me, as if it would be strong enough to swallow me from within. That was when I realised how much I needed him, and I could never imagine how life would be if I no longer had him by my side.

The last time I came to see him, he had been recovering from a long day of tests and treatments, and I had stayed in his room until he was feeling better, only after I had made sure that he was strong enough to go through the days without constantly being under watch.

Not too long after we parted ways, I was getting prepared for the surgery that I was no longer allowed to leave the room or to roam the hospital as freely as I had before. Though the reason why I had not been able to come and see him was not only due to the restrictions given to me, but also because my body had simply given up. I had no energy, and the pain was getting too unbearable as I was getting less painkillers to allow my body to take in more of my new meds.

The last time I saw him again was when I was under heavy medication. I was having a high fever that day and I heard his voice talking to my brother and the residing nurse to ask about my condition. I felt him holding my hand and kissing my forehead each time I woke up, barely able to speak, but seeing his face through my bleary eyes felt like a breath of fresh air. When I woke up feeling much better later that night, he was no longer there, but his warmth remained.

The only thing that had been making me worried was knowing that there had to be a reason why he had yet to come and visit me ever since. In other—more regular—days, he would appear in my room to each time I was unable to visit. He had also promised to stay by my side through this surgery, and yet, only a couple of days left and there was still no sign of him, letting me wondering if there was something wrong.

“I can check on him if you want,” Yoongi finally offered after noticing how anxious I had been the whole day. He must have caught me glancing towards the door even as we were sitting there, watching the movie playing from his laptop together. Perhaps he knew that my head had never been on the movie, just like it had always been.

I looked at him and sighed. “Could you?” I finally relented and asked him. “I asked Soyeon about him but she didn’t say much except that Jimin is still recovering. We text at night before bed, but he’d never answer when I ask how he’s doing.”

Yoongi simply nodded. “You know, it’d probably be easier if you guys just share a room together, huh?” he wryly said.

“I wish,” I chuckled, rolling my eyes before I realised just how tempting the idea had sounded. “Is something like that even possible though?”

Yoongi shrugged. “I’ve heard of family members or spouses with terminal illnesses being put together in the same room, but I don’t know if it’s possible on your case. I could have Hoseok or Kara to ask around. They’re the ones who are listed as your family.”

Shaking my head, I turned to look at the laptop again. “I don’t even know if Jimin would agree.”

“I’m sure he’s just as devastated as you are that he can’t come to see you.”

“You really think so?” I questioned him, finding him frowning when I looked up. “Thanks for trying to lift up my spirits. I feel like you’re treating me like I’m your teenage younger sister or something.”

Looking at me, Yoongi merely scoffed. “I never had any teenage younger sister to take care of so I wouldn’t know.”

When a visitor finally came by to my room later in the night, it was not Jimin.

Yoongi was putting his coat on to leave for the night after staying with me all day when Jungkook appeared in the doorway. There was another bouquet of white flowers in his hand—the same as the ones he had been sending me every day—and a deep scowl on his face when he exchanged gazes with Yoongi.

Yoongi clenched his jaw, obvious enough to show his dislike at Jungkook’s appearance. He didn’t even bother to greet my ex-husband as he turned to me. “Do you want me to stay a bit longer?”

I looked back and forth between them, only to have Jungkook looked away when I met his eyes, though his gaze softened just a little when he saw how uncomfortable I felt at the tension that was rising from them together. Sighing to myself, I could only choose to diffuse the situation by letting Yoongi go on his way.

“It’s okay. You have that date to go to and it won’t be long before Kara gets here anyway,” I told Yoongi, though it was clear that he didn’t exactly enjoy accepting my choice.

“You sure?” he asked again, to which I only nodded. He came to my bed while shaking his head, but he chose not to say a thing when he kissed my forehead aside from telling me to call him if I needed anything. “Promise me to let me know if anything happens.”

“I promise.”

He gave me a final nod before turning to the doorway, where Jungkook was still standing. Both of them stood facing each other for a few awkward seconds before Jungkook finally stepped aside to allow him to pass without saying a word to each other.

The moment Yoongi left, the air between us rippled into a different kind of tension. When it was only between him and Yoongi, all I could feel was their rage, their hostility against each other. But now, as Jungkook was making his way slowly towards the bed, there was a sense of awkwardness that grew between us.

Only a year ago, he was the only man that I had ever loved. Though our marriage was not perfect, he was still a huge part of me that I called home, no matter how lonely that ‘home’ would feel like at times. Tonight, it felt like he was a stranger. There was still a pull inside my chest that felt so tight I could hardly breathe, but it was not enough to have me opening my arms to welcome him with a warm embrace.

Jungkook looked around the room with a wry smile on his face. “You’ve kept the flowers,” he murmured softly as he saw all the white flowers that still remained, finding each one being kept in different vases in all sizes before looking back at me.

“Kara and my nurse, Soyeon, took care of them. If the boys had been the ones who received them, they’d end up somewhere else,” I told him with a chuckle, choosing not to tell him that there had been some that had only ended being tossed into the trash. Mostly on Yoongi’s doing, because Hoseok had always opted on passing them on to the other female nurses who had slowly grown into becoming his admirers.

Jungkook nodded as he listened, and I noticed that his grip on the bouquet had somehow tightened. “May I?” he asked, pointing at the empty chair next to my bed which Yoongi had been using all day.

“Sure,” I said, as I watched him take his seat.

“Here, these are for you,” he said to me as he handed the small bouquet of white roses to me, forcing me to peel my fingers away from the sheets that I had been clutching tightly ever since the moment he appeared at the door.

“Thank you,” I whispered. My fingers felt cold when I took the flowers from his hands. My skin crawled when our fingers touched. It was an odd feeling, when in the past, each of his gentle touches would be able to send my heart racing and my body would shudder in pleasure. It truly felt like he was no longer a part of me, as if the years we shared together had been a distant memory that was no longer mine.

I instantly pulled my hand away and kept the flowers on my lap. I didn’t miss the way he flinched when I avoided his touch, nor did I miss the look of hurt and disappointment that lingered in his eyes when he saw me clutching the flowers tightly on my lap, as if I was using them as a shield to protect me from him.

“How are you feeling?” he finally asked after a brief moment of silence. He cleared his throat and blushed when he noticed me looking up. “I, uh—I heard the surgery is in a couple of days.”

I nodded. “Two days,” I said, and my heartbeat accelerated almost immediately. He must have noticed it when my skin blanched, when the rush of panic came over me.

“Oh, shit,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay,” I quickly told him. “It’s just that it feels surreal, dealing with it. I still haven’t completely wrapped my mind around it. It felt like a long time ago when I agreed to go through with it, so I’ve tried not to think about it too much. But then, suddenly it’s only days apart.”

Jungkook nodded as he tried to understand, and the concerned look on his face remained. “You’ll get through this just fine, I know it.”

I looked up, giving him a small smile. “How can you be so sure?”

Pressing his lips, Jungkook avoided my gaze for a moment. “Because you’re strong,” he finally said to me. “You’re always the stronger one between us. You’ve gotten through everything and still came out of it in one piece, whereas I could only burn things to dust and destroy everything I touched.”

Shaking my head, my words slipped out of me before I could stop them. “Not everything.”

His gaze found me, looking surprised to hear what I said, while I had to look away when once again all of the good memories that we had shared together went through my mind. My fingers clenched tighter around the flowers when I wondered just how everything fell into pieces, though what was left inside me was nothing but a numbing rage, when all the hurt he had given me had seized to give me pain since a long time ago.

Jungkook shifted in his seat, pulling my attention back to him. He was still avoiding my gaze, giving me a chance to finally take him all in. There were a lot of changes going on with him. He had always looked pristine, even when he was hiding his pain inside him. But there were also those moments in time, especially while we were battling for our divorce, when he looked terribly broken. He had stopped taking care of himself, leaving his hair constantly messy and his face looking dark and gloomy. I remembered seeing his eyes red and swollen, with deep, dark bags under them growing darker each time with all the sleepless nights he went through and all the drinking that he had resorted to just to escape from everything.

Now, he had looked much better, making good of his words to take care of himself while I was battling my own illness. His body had grown toned and broader, a sign that he had reserved back to working out and eating healthy again. His eyes were much brighter than how I had seen him last, as he had promised me time and time again that he would stop drinking so he could always be in his clear mind while he was supporting me. And then I caught the sight of his hair, looking thicker and longer as he styled them to the back of his head.

“You look good,” I said, making him look at me again. “Healthier. And you’ve kept your hair longer.”

He smiled and ran his fingers through his hair. “Not on purpose,” he admitted with a shrug. “I used to have my wife reminding me to go to the barbershop. Sometimes she would do it herself, have me sit down in the kitchen as she would cut my hair for me. Now, I can’t even decide what style of hair to choose for myself because I’d never know what would look good for me.”

I looked down just as my eyes started burning. There was nothing I could do to stop the tears from building up, threatening to flow like a river.

“Sorry, fuck—” I heard Jungkook’s voice cursing at himself before he leaned forward, catching my wrist and holding it gently in his hold. His thumb began rubbing gently on my skin and the dam of tears just broke apart. “I really need to learn how to shut up, but I just cannot help myself.”

I laughed nervously, though they came out with a round of sobbing when I continued crying. It took a moment before I calmed down. As much as I hated to admit it, the way he was softly holding my hand truly helped put myself together.

“I do miss you. That’s not a lie,” he whispered softly, meeting my eyes when I looked up. He reached out with his free hand, brushing my tears away. “You might not see it, but it feels so empty without you. I tried. I promise you, I have tried. Not to move on by seeing anyone else, because other women always remind me of you, but I try to live my life the best I could, to take care of myself the way you would do it for me, but nothing could fill up the empty space you left behind.”

Shaking my head, I tried to pull away from him. “Jungkook—”

His grip tightened, and he refused to let me go. “No, I’m not doing this to beg you to come back. I swear. I just want to tell you how I feel before I’d explode.”

Drawing a shaky breath, I tried my best to calm my heartbeat before I looked at him again. “Can we talk about something else, please?”

Jungkook looked at me for a moment longer then nodded his head. “Sure,” he said, before he proceeded in telling me things about what he had been doing lately. He made me laugh when he talked about meeting up with his friends, reuniting with his mates from college and spending the whole night playing pool.

“No, I didn’t drink,” he said to me when I asked him about it. “Been sober for almost six months now. There’s no way I can break that promise to you now,” he added, making me smile wider with relief brewing in my chest. “Eunwoo got a bit crazy though. Seconds after he agreed to join me on the next AA meeting, he ordered a full bottle of a 12 years-old Macallan and finished almost three-quarters of it on his own.”

“And the only thing you drank was Coke?”

Nodding his head, he smiled proudly. “Yes, Ma’am. I was on my best behaviour the whole night,” he said, and I felt instantly proud of him. The feeling was bittersweet, however, because I couldn’t stop wondering what our lives would have been like if he had as much control back then when we were together.

“I’m glad,” was all that I could say to him. “I’m happy to know that you’re living a better life.”

Pressing his lips together, he reached out to grab my hand. “And you are going to be there to continue watching me as I make better changes in my life, so you can witness me as I grow to be the man that you can feel proud of,” he said to me, and another set of tears escaped from me. Tightening his hold on my hand, he reached out to my chin and turned my face so I could look at him.

“Listen to me. You’re going to get through this, be stronger and healthier. I know you would. I know it’s scary, but I’m here. As much as I want to beg for you to come back to me, the only thing I need for you is to fight a good fight. We’ll get through this, and we will both have a much better life. We’ll watch each other as we both move on and find our happiness, to make the most of the rest of our lives, whether we’re doing it together or apart. Okay?”

At this point, I was a sobbing mess. The fear was still clawing from within. But his words gave me a new strength that I never knew I could still feel. It probably wouldn’t be enough to make sure that I could make it through, but it was enough to help me look at what was beyond me with a different kind of light.

As I looked into his eyes, I found a new kind of calmness that I had thought I had lost. What I saw in his eyes then would never be the same as what I had seen from him in the past, when he was the reason for me to carry on. But for now, this was more than enough. Taking one last deep, shaky breath, I looked straight into his eyes and nodded. I knew it was wrong to take comfort from the same man that had caused me a lot of pain, the same man that had also caused all the darkest times of my life.

But I knew that he was right and I needed to engulf myself in the comfort of his warmth just as long as I could find strength in them. No matter how scary it would be, I knew that I had to fight it. I needed to. And I had to survive through this no matter what.

“Okay.”

Jimin finally came to see me on the last day I had before the surgery.

It only took waking up to his smile to feel like I was coming alive again, even though I had to take a moment to make sure that I was not dreaming, that he was actually there.

I looked over his shoulder, noticing that the sky outside the window was still dark. the sun had barely come up, which meant that he came in way before the first round of nurses started. On the couch across the room, I saw Kara still deep in her sleep. She had come around the time Jungkook was ready to leave last night, and she had stayed all night to keep me company.

Out of everyone, Kara had been the one who would stay with me overnight. She has admitted once that she was worried that I would feel lonely should I ever wake up in the middle of the night without anyone by my side.

Another reason for her to stay was because of the memory we shared about my Mom. At one of the conversations that we have had where we talked about my mother, I had told her about the late-night phone calls that my Mom made while she was ill. Her eyes instantly lost their light, knowing that one of the many reasons why my mother had been left in the hospital all by herself during those times were because of her. Because my father had chosen to spend the night with his mistress instead of staying by my mother’s side.

“I would remember her whenever I think about you sleeping alone at night in this lousy hospital, afraid and lonely,” she said once after she had asked for a cot and an extra blanket for her to sleep in. “I won’t be able to sleep well at night when it happens. Take it as my redemption. I can’t change the past, but I sure as hell won’t let the same thing happen to you.”

Gentle kisses along my knuckles brought me back to the man sitting next to my bed. Jimin smiled at me when I looked at him. He had my hand in his grip, his lips pressing on my skin as he trailed soft kisses that sent delicate shivers through my body. His touches were enough to warm me up against the cold air conditioner blasting in the room.

“Morning, beautiful,” he whispered, making sure to keep it down so he wouldn’t wake Kara.

“Morning,” I answered him, still completely in a daze as I took in the sight of him. “You’re really here.”

His gaze softened as he gave me a wry smile. “I’m sorry that it took me so long to come and see you again,” he said, and only then did I realise that his voice was hoarse and weak, hidden in his whispers.

And then it took him pulling away for me to notice everything that I had missed—the wheelchair he was sitting on, the thinning hair under his beanie hat, the bags under his red-rimmed eyes, the sunken cheeks, the blisters on his lips—and my heart dropped.

“Jimin—” I choked, to which he quickly pressed a finger on my lips to stop me from talking.

“Sshh—I know, I look like hell,” he said, chuckling softly. Though the sound immediately turned into a set of coughs until he managed to take a deep breath and hold it in. “And I’ve been through hell.”

My eyes burned with tears, but I did all I could to stop them from falling. Yet I couldn’t stop myself from questioning him, “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t anyone—”

“Because I didn’t want you to worry about me when you already have so much to worry about on yourself,” he said to me with a sad smile. “I asked the nurses to not tell you anything. I couldn’t leave my room and let you see me when I was at my worse. You need to focus on yourself, on what’s happening tomorrow. I should be the last thing in your mind to worry about.”

Shaking my head, I leaned towards him and let him took my hand in his once again. “It’s not fair.”

He smiled at me and said, “It’s only fair. I shouldn’t be in the way of your recovery.”

“You never were. I need you, and I want to be there to support you too.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here now. I’ve done all I could to get strong enough to be here today so I could see you,” he said, pulling my hand in his so he could place my palm on his cheek, giving me a chance to feel him. “You know that I will always be here to support you.”

“Always? Promise?” He only answered me with a nod of his head, but it was enough for now. “Can you stay here with me?”

Jimin glanced over his shoulder and tipped his head. “Will your guardian let me?”

I looked over to Kara’s sleeping form and smiled. “She has to.”

And indeed she did. Kara knew how much I had missed Jimin and how his presence helped make a lot of changes that she even let Jimin use the cot that she had neglected the night before so he could rest once in a while. Even the nurses had come to let Jimin take his medicines without him returning to his room.

“Told you that things would be easier if we had just been placed in the same room,” Jimin joked at Soyeon when she came into the room while shaking her head at him. His comment surprised me as I had never thought he would even consider it.

“You asked them for a room transfer?”

Jimin shrugged with a sheepish smile. “Hey, I tried. I’ve thought about it ever since you got sick from your trips down the halls at night to see me.”

I looked at him, not believing what I just heard. Never once in my mind I had considered it possible for us to share a room that I had pushed away every hope of making it happen. I was completely speechless that all I could do was hold his hand. It was Soyeon who spoke next, breaking the moment we were sharing.

“If you want, I can submit another request once you’ve gone through the surgery,” she said, while Jimin and I exchanged looks.

“Can you do that?”

Soyeon glanced at Kara who was now giving her a hopeful look and smiled. “I can ask your doctor to have permission for transfer,” she answered me with a wink.

“If Doctor Kim agrees, then it’ll leave only one last hurdle that might get in the way,” Jimin said, breaking whatever spell we were in before either one of us even had a chance to celebrate the possible good news.

“What is it?”

Jimin gave me a sad smile and said, “Your ex-husband.”

It was finally the day of the surgery.

Everyone had been here with me since this morning, waiting in the room with me. While my anxiety had peaked through the roof the day before, I was surprisingly calm ever since I had woken up this morning. Meanwhile, everyone else seemed to be on the edge since the moment I woke up and it even got worse when the nurse came in just one hour before I was supposed to be taken to the operating room, handing me the last medicine for the day.

The frown on Hoseok’s face kept on slipping out no matter how hard he tried to hide it behind his smile. Even the years that had passed during the period of time when we fell apart couldn’t change the fact that I knew my brother. That I would be able to catch on to his emotions so easily despite his efforts of hiding them from me.

He was not the only one who was restless, as Yoongi kept fidgeting in his seat. He had been silent all day, tension continued to roll out of his shoulders as he sat with Hoseok across the room.

As I was forbidden to consume any food or water, Kara found nothing to do to distract herself and she had opted to stay by my side. I had to respect her for trying her best to stay calm, though the moment she held my hand and she started praying for the two of us, it almost felt like I was the one calming her down until her fingers stopped shaking.

“It’ll be okay,” I finally said to her when she gave me yet another forced smile the moment our eyes met. But everyone in the room knew that I was speaking for all of us, especially myself, when I added, “Everything’s going to be fine.”

Jimin came to my room just when it was almost time for me to go. He came in on his wheelchair, with Nurse Soyeon pushing him into the room. Everyone instantly stepped aside to give us space, allowing Jimin to settle down next to the bed, where he took my hand to hold and he could lean in just close enough to give me a kiss.

“I’ll be here until the moment they come to pick you up,” he whispered to me between his gentle kisses, then gave me another promise before he pulled away, “And I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

After that moment, time seemed to stand still. Neither of my family dared to speak, afraid that any word they said would burst any bubble that we found ourselves in, to allow the reality to sink in and take over the serene feeling we were having. But they kept hovering around me, making sure that I was calm and ready, though I felt more numb than I was probably supposed to.

It wasn’t until the moment when Soyeon returned with another nurse from our floor, pushing a gurney into the room with the help of an orderly, when the silent tension in the room broke apart.

“It’s time,” Soyeon said to me with a calm voice that did nothing to stop my heartbeat from pacing rapidly in my chest. Jimin must have sensed the change in my mood, because he immediately pulled me to him and held me tight, whispering sweet words to calm me down.

“It’s okay, baby. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and focus on me,” he kept telling me, making sure that I followed his words until I was breathing calmly again.

“Okay, I’m ready,” I nodded at Soyeon after giving Jimin one last kiss and sending one last smile to my family.

As everyone stepped back and I was carefully transferred from the bed to the gurney, the numbness returned to me and I let myself to be engulfed in it. Even the pain that came piercing through my spine during the transfer couldn’t snap me out of it. The sense of calm felt even stronger as Jimin grabbed my hand and gave me one last squeeze only moments before the orderly began pushing me out of the room.

“I’ll come with you,” I heard Hoseok said, as if watching me leave the room had snapped him out of his trance and he quickly rushed to walk alongside the gurney as we left our family behind. The last thing I saw when I took one last glance was Yoongi placing his arm around Kara’s shoulders as she cried soundlessly, and Jimin smiling at me as he placed his palm over Kara’s hand that was resting on his shoulder.

The trip from my room towards the operating section on our floor felt like an eternity. I barely paid attention to our surroundings as we made a few turns down the hallways, focusing more on my breathing pattern as I kept myself calm, until I suddenly saw him standing not too far from the doorways leading to the operating area.

“Jungkook,” I called out to him as the gurney slowed down to a stop right where he was waiting for me. He nodded briefly at Hoseok before he turned to me, giving me a warm smile despite the way his eyes were watching me closely as if he was afraid I would disappear.

“You came,” I said, and he nodded.

“I decided I’d wait for you out here so you could have a moment with your family,” he told me, and my eyes moved to his hands, where I found yet another bouquet of white flowers, and his smile widened as he followed my gaze.

“These flowers will be waiting for you in your room to greet you once you return,” Jungkook said, before he leaned down, pressing his lips on my forehead as he whispered. “You’re going to be alright.”

His eyes were glassy with tears when he straightened up, but he forced himself to smile as he brushed gently at my cheek for one last time before he stepped back, allowing the gurney to pass. I kept my eyes on him until I could no longer see him, and Hoseok pulled my attention right before he had to let me go.

“We’ll be waiting for you out here,” he said to me while squeezing my shoulder gently. I could tell that he was trying his best not to cry in front of me, so I put on my brave face and smiled.

“Make sure to buy me some of my favourite ice creams when I come back, will you?”

He nodded and chuckled softly. “I’ll fill up the fridge with them for you.”

“Ready?”

The nurse that was going to assist the surgeons was the one I was not familiar with, but she was friendly and nice that I stayed calm despite the complicated preparations that would have scared me away. I already felt slightly intimidated just minutes ago, when I was pushed into this room with only strangers standing around me. But the thought of my family who would be waiting right outside those doors, and knowing that Dr. Kim would also be here to assist the procedure, all had done more than calm my nerves that all I had to do was wait until this moment would come.

“I’m going to put this mask on you. Just breathe in normally, and you will feel sleepy in no time. Just don’t panic, and focus on counting down or just think of good things, okay?”

“Okay,” I told her, nodding my head before I let her put the breathing mask on my face.

She gave me a smile that was hidden under her mask as I settled back down on the bed, while she carried on with the preparations, helping the surgeons and welcoming Dr. Kim as he came into my line of sight.

His voice was calm, but I barely paid attention to any word he said to me as he introduced the other doctors that had come in with him. I only responded with a nod to each time he spoke, until he instructed me to continue breathing as the only thing they needed to do was to wait until the anaesthetic drugs they had given me would take effect.

Everything around me seemed to move in slow motion afterwards. It felt as if I had left my body and I was watching things unfolding from the outside looking in. I followed the nurse’s instruction as I began breathing normally, taking deep breaths while counting down slowly, until I started to feel heavy with sleep. It didn’t take long until I finally gave in as there was never a fight in me to stop me from getting under, and I felt myself drifting away merely seconds after.

That was when everything happened.

They had all said that when you went under, your whole senses would not be able to tell you about anything happening around you, leaving you completely oblivious to what they were doing to your body.

That was not what seemed to be happening to me.

My senses were completely numb, but I was still there. I was still present. My body was no longer moving, but I was terribly aware. A thick blanket of darkness folded around me, cloaking me from the world that still existed around me. I had lost the ability to feel a thing. There was no pain, not a hint of the slightest of touches they made on me, but I knew they were all there.

My mind registered their presence in the form of shadows. Looming, hovering, moving around me while I was rooted as their center. I could feel their movements even through the fog of darkness, but I could feel none of their touch. I heard nothing but a steady hum, drowning me deeper into the darkness, though some of the voices I heard made it seem more like I was drowning underwater.

And then it happened, and suddenly, I could hear it all almost too clearly.

It started with a steady beep, before it began to rise, sounding louder by the second, and then it went faster. The humming sound around me began to rise as well, growing steadily intense. They sounded almost similar to voices of people shouting, only that everything was muffled, like everything was happening under the current of water. The beeping noise grew louder, breaking through the fog, and then louder, turning into an alarming sound as the shouting continued.

An odd feeling of chill washed over me.

And then everything went still.

Author’s note:

I’m sorry this took a long time, and I know that you must be hating me for that ending lol

Don’t worry, every single question you may have at the moment will be answered soon. We’re so close to the final chapters and I am terribly nervous about it, not going to lie. But, before we can finally get there, we’ll be having an extra chapter coming in the way.

Yes, your requests have been answered. We’ll be getting into Taehyung’s side of the story on the next chapter before we can find more answers to what had happened to all of them in the past.

Stay tuned for the next update. Thank you for all of your support!

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recklessmark · 4 years ago

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chapter two: encounter

—from DISCRETION series

Summary: you incidentally met a notorious CEO and your gut told you that you must claim this man. and even the fact that he’s engaged to someone else didn’t stop you from achieving what you want.

Pairing: CEO! Mark x Designer! Reader

Words: 1645

Warnings (this chapter): none /they kissed y’all/

—previous: chapter one-flechazo

“Miss Y/N, the counterparts have already arrived. They are both sitting in the meeting room.” The receptionist said as soon as she saw you approached.

“Alright. Thank you!”

Already arrived this soon? Looking like he has a huge interest for this thing. You step inside the elevator, choosing the highest floor of the tower. Your heart is beating faster and faster, that’s it, that’s the feeling!

In the large room, Mark Lee is sitting on a chair, crossing his legs and naturally talking. “Taeyong, thank you for helping me find a designer!”

“No problem, the person you need is one of my friends so I certainly can help you with this!”

‘Crack!’

The wide door is opened, you smile and walk inside. “Hi Taeyong!”, your hand comes to take off your sunglasses.

“Y/N, you are always punctual, come sit, this is the person I told you about.”, Lee Taeyong exultantly greets you.

You put on a charming smile, walking around the table to see the man. That’s the face you have been missing! “Mark, nice to meet you again. I wonder if it’s a coincidence or fate?”, you sarcastically ask.

Mark smirks, he looks at you dangerously, “I think it’s our fate, isn’t it?”. Your mouth corner curls up satisfyingly, you know this man is the one you desire.

Since the moment you stepped inside this room, your fragrance was filling up the space. It’s like that time at the bar, even the alcohol scent couldn’t overwhelm your exhilarating aroma and that makes Mark feels something, something strange.

“So what do you want me to help you with?”, you sit down, tilting your head.

Mark’s eyes followed your movements, “I want you to design for me a wedding dress...”. You froze at your seat, even the smile you have been putting on is faded, “...for my fiancé.”

“Oh I have something to do, call me when you’ve finished, we can have lunch together.”, putting his phone into his vest, Taeyong can feel the intensity between you and Mark.

When he has already gone, you blink, trying to ease the faze. “Alright, so tell me what you like or what she wants.”, you rest your chin on your palm, earnestly ask.

Mark frowns, “You will actually do it? Seriously?”

You shrug, your arms cross on your chest, “I’m always professional, I have my own rules. Nevertheless, I have way more ways to steal you from her, don’t try me Mark.” He looks at you, a mischievous smirks arises on his face. Suddenly, he stands up, stepping forwards your direction.

“Mmh!”

You can’t believe that Mark dares to kiss you right in this meeting room. His tongue licks your lips, he bites your lips causing you to gasp. Taking advantage, Mark slides his tongue into your mouth, the taste of blood filling up. His hands run to your ass, squeezing them, you whine trying to pull away. Mark’s lips leave yours, you swipe your lips with the back of your hand, frowning. “Could you not bite my lips, you ruined my beauty.”

Mark gives you a photo with a girl on it, “It’s her, do whatever you want.”

“I’m not doing it!”, you debate.

He doesn’t know what you’re thinking, he squints his eyes at you. “You said you’re professional and what now? Jealous?”. Mark expected to see your blushing face of shyness but he’s too wrong, who does he think you are.

You decisively nod, “That’s right! If I don’t like her I should honestly say it.” However you still carefully discern the photo, it’s not hard to recognize that girl, she’s kind of famous- Kim Yeri.

Yeri is a well-known artist, her works are popularly relished since they said that the pictures can ‘talk’. You’ve gone to her exhibition several times. But now, when the truth is revealed, you genuinely want to burn all of them. You and Yeri did have some contact before but it was indirect. She is the type of pure tender girl, very innocent and men are usually into for this kind of women. However, Yeri is simply a normal artist, how could she know Mark and even date him?

Mark quietly observes you when he saw the meditation on your face. He honestly doesn’t know why is he gradually getting more into you. You’re like a leery lynx trying to approach him, he wants to keep you with him. Is this possession?

After a while, you look up, “I know what to do.”

Unfortunately, the scarf on your neck dropped off. You nervously cover the skin with you hand, “If there’s nothing else you can go with Taeyong, I’ll follow later.”

“Ouch!”, you squint when Mark caught your wrist tightly.

“What happened with your neck?”, his eyes glistening with some anger. The hold on your wrist is becoming tighter and tighter, causing you to suffer from the pain, you point on your wrist. Seeing a red patch on the white fabric which is wrapped around your wrist, Mark quickly loosens the hold. Then he goes out of the room without saying a word, leaving you sitting there alone. You sigh, picking up the scarf on the floor, cover your neck again. You pull out a bandana in your handbag, taking off the fabric covered with blood on your wrist and then wrap the bandana on instead.

“Take it off!”

You look up to see Mark, with a stranger that you guess to be his secretary, holding a first-aid kit on his hand. He quickly walks towards you, helping you with your wound.

“Hi I’m Donghyuck.”, he carefully cleaning up the blood, “But do you work in a mafia?”

Your eyebrows furrow slightly, “What do you mean?”

Donghyuck shakes his head, “The bruise on your neck, it can only be caused when someone put a strong force on your neck. You do not look like someone who do mafia works.”

You remain silent, not wanting to say anything. Donghyuck knows that you don’t want to talk about it either so he concentrates on treating your wound.

The whole conversation, Mark didn’t mishear a single word.

—

Taeyong sits down beside you, he has been talking endlessly. “This restaurant is my sister’s, I especially asked her to close it today only serving for you guys!”

You rest you chin on the palm of your hand, twisting the other arm to check the time on your watch, not wanting to talk to the people around you.

Taeyong feels your uneasiness, “What’s wrong Y/N? You don’t like it?”, he asks.

Mark surely heard the question but he doesn’t seem to care, however he’s affably taking care of the girl sitting next to him.

Kim Yeri shyly looks around, “It’s okay Mark, I’m not a child.”

Your blood is boiling in everywhere in your body, you really want to punch Taeyong. Things wouldn’t be like this if he didn’t invite the girl who you genuinely dislike. Four people gather together, this time you can actually have a clear look at Yeri. Her appearance is nothing special, even her temperament is normal, why would Mark like her? Oh! Maybe it’s the tenderness. No way! A person who is outrageous and cold-blood like Mark Lee can never be attracted to a girl resembling to Yeri.

Feeling your intense gaze, Yeri awkwardly asks. “Y/N? Is there anything on my face? Why do you look at me like that?”

You tilt your head, faintly smile, “Yes! Your face looks meretricious.”

Yeri embarrassingly looks down, you feel a little joyful now.

“It’s alright. Wearing some makeup is normal.”, Mark casually defends her. Your mood swings to a unpleasant mixed with some ignition. This feeling is very novelty, something you’ve never felt before.

The dishes is eventually served. Yeri offers you a steak she cut herself, “Thank you Y/N! Our wedding is depended on you.”

“No problem, if Mark asks me to do it, I will definitely do my best.”, you politely deny the steak. Your words make Yeri confused, how could you call Mark by his first name naturally like that? She turns her head to glare at Mark. He of course knows but doesn’t say a word, just calmly eats the food on his plate. And this makes Yeri befuddled even more.

“Sorry, I have something to do. This meal I pay, enjoy!”, Taeyong hurriedly says while rushing out. This makes the situation become worse. Three of you sitting on a table, no one say a word.

All of a sudden, you stop eating. You lay your back on the chair, crossing your arms. “Ms Kim, I think you’re being so confused. You’re trying to figure everything out, aren’t you?”

Yeri froze at her seat, slowly looks up at you.

“You can relax, I do not murder people, unless I need to. There’s just something I want to announce you-“, you smirk, “I like Mark.”

Yeri drops the fork, her eyes glinting with astonishment. “What...what did you say?”

“I said I-like-Mark.”, you emphasize every word.

She looks at Mark, who hasn’t fazed a little, worryingly asks, “You know this?”

“Yes.” Mark looks at her, nothing in his eyes, it’s just simply a look.

You delightfully stand up, picking up your handbag. “No need to be frantic. I just said it, but I’m not sure about Mark. Hopefully you will accept my gift, I will make the most beautiful wedding dress ever for you. Goodbye!”

You walk out, but then stop at the door. You turn around, seeing the frightened face of Yeri. “Oh I almost forgot. It’s my gift but I don’t know whether you have the chance to wear it. Nevertheless, I’ll try my best.” You have completely defeated Yeri, she didn’t even have a chance to talk back, rather than a chance to win you.

On the other hand, Mark quietly cleans his mouth with a tissue. “Let’s go.”

—next: chapter three-i love him forever, is it better than you yet?

taglist: @nuoyii @jjikyuu @generantionct @keemburley

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inkandpen22 · 4 years ago

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Beautiful Angel of Darkness (2/?)

Pairing: Spike x Female! Reader

Warnings: Swearing, violence, angst, mentions of death

Word Count: 2k

Part Summary: Y/N considers Spike’s offer, but for obvious reasons she’s hesitant. However, she can’t deny the pull feels toward him.

Masterlist

“Forever is an awfully long time,” I state quietly, torn between the options of life or living forever.

“Um yeah, that’s sort of the whole point,” the stranger retorts as he pulls out a cigarette for himself.

“aw yes, that’s the way to get a girl’s permission to bite her,” I remark sarcastically. “Sass her to death!”

“I don’t need your permission, Pet,” he so ominously reminds me.

“I suppose not, but you prefer my compliance. Am I wrong?” I challenge.

He glares at me while lighting his cigarette. “You’re such a tease, you know that?” He mumbles bitterly.

“And you’re a hard ass,” I fire back, unfazed. He stares at me with raised brows. “Oh I’m sorry, are you the only one who can name call?”

His eyes roll dramatically with a huff of annoyance. “I couldn’t pick a mute girl to be interested in.”

“I imagine she’d bore you,” I predict, crossing my arms over my chest.

He shrugs, “you’re probably right.” Casually, he hops up onto one of the nearby headstones and sits down.

“Get used to saying that sentence frequently,” I snicker, moving to sit on the headstone across from his.

“So, you want to be vamped out?” He waves me along, growing impatient.

“Oh, so I do have a choice?” I tease, pretending to be surprised.

“Not if you keep talking,” he grumbles, taking a hit of his cigarette.

“I have family and friends I have to consider,” I state matter-of-factly.

It’s true, I have a mother, my siblings, friends from school, all of whom will wonder what happened to me. I can’t just let that go.

“They won’t be a thought once you’re mine,” he claims, smirking at me mischievously.

“Why the sudden interest?” I inquire, genuinely curious. I imagine he could have anyone in the world, why me? Why now?

“I lost someone,” he answers, avoiding my gaze as he focuses on tapping his cigarette against the tombstone. “My girl, Druscilla.”

“So I’m the rebound,” I clarify, nodding in understanding.

His head snaps up, meeting my eyes directly. Apparently, I’ve hit a trigger point. He hops down from his tombstone and rushes over to me. The man pries my legs apart and stands between them. He cups my face in his hands, making me stare into his emerald eyes. “You will be far more,” he assures me with such certainty in his voice I can’t help but believe it. “You will be my reason for existing.”

My chest rises and falls at a rapid rate as I process it all. The longer I stare into his marble-like eyes, the more convinced I become. How could I ever deny him? “Okay,” I finally grant him my answer.

An amazing glimmer appears across his features and he steps closer. “Okay, what?” He repeats as if he isn’t sure he heard me correctly.

I place my hands over his that caress my cheeks. “Make me like you, but under one condition.”

He rolls his eyes, “should’ve known this was coming,” he grumbles. “What is it?”

“Tell me your name,” I request simply.

“Spike,” he answers without hesitation.

“What’s your real name?” I clarify, almost certain that ‘Spike’ couldn’t be it. “And not just your first name either, I want to know the whole thing.”

He frowns, evidently growing frustrated with the subject. “Why does it matter?”

“Because it does!” I argue.

“But why? It’s stupid,” he dismisses sharply, removing his hands from me, but remains between my legs.

“Because if we’re going to spend forever together I’d like to know your real fucking name so just say it!” I snap at him, earning a look of surprise.

Visibly, there’s a strong debate occurring in his mind. He sighs, shaking his head as he glances around the cemetery then back at me. “William, alright? My name is William Pratt, happy now?”

“Over the moon,” I joke with a giggle, reaching up and holding his cheek in my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Will.”

“Yeah, yeah, nice to meet you too,” he pretends to be hard and disinterested in the charm of it all, but I can tell by the way he subtly leaned into my touch that he truly longs for it.

____________________________________________

Becoming a vampire is by the far the most freeing experience of my life or should I say undead life? Either way, Spike has broken me free of all torments and has opened the gates to the world. There is nothing we can’t do together. The entire world belongs to us. All we have to do is reach out and take what we want. Each night, I wake up with a strong urge to destroy and devour. I’ve never felt more powerful and entrancing.

I’ve been a vampire for a few days now, but Spike has kept me confined to the crypt for safety reasons. He claims I’m fragile in the early days until I become used to my new status. To build my strength, he brings me humans to feed on and is teaching me how to defend myself. I’m still learning how to fight in case I ever run into the Slayer or her team of misfits. Her very existence is annoying, such an inconvenience. According to him, I’ve been adjusting rather well, better than usual actually. So, to celebrate my growing strength and swift adaptions, Spike is taking me to The Bronze tonight. It’ll be the first time I’ve been outside the crypt in a week! There’ll be so many people to feed on and every opportunity to terrorize, I’m so excited!

Spike grips my hand protectively as we travel through the crowd of the club. I rarely had enough time to visit this place when I was human. Taking care of my mom and siblings all while balancing school consumed most of my days.

“Oh great,” Spike grumbles, tossing his head back.

I grip his forearm and squeeze his hand worriedly. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“The Slayer and her clan of party killers are over there,” he growls, his eyes directed sharply at a nearby table.

I purr, watching the table of oblivious teenagers hungrily. I spot the blonde Slayer as she chats with her friends naively happily. So, that’s the infamous Buffy Summers. Spike has described her to me frequently. Apparently, we go to the same high school, different grades. I never really branched out of my grade or friend group for that matter. Immersed in the idea of snapping the Slayer’s neck for myself, I move to approach her. Imagine what her friends would do if I killed her right here and now.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Spike repeats quietly in my ear, wrapping his arms around my waist to stop me. “Not here, Love. Wouldn’t want to cause a scene.”

“But I thought you loved the dramatics, Darling,” I mutter, keeping my eyes on Buffy with a pout.

“I do, but we mustn’t yet.” He brushes my hair away from my neck slowly, planting a pattern of kisses on my neck. “Let’s go dance.”

I smile, spinning in his arms to face him. Spike takes my hand, leading me to the dance floor. We pass the table of goody-goodies and chatter ensues amongst them. I whip my head around and find the Slayer. Her eyes narrow at me, a confused expression across her features. I turn my attention back to Spike right as he stops in the middle of the dance floor. He brings his hands to my waist, pulling me in closer. I drape my arms over his shoulder loosely and meet his exquisite emerald eyes. God, he’s gorgeous.

Seductively, Spike and I dance as though we’re alone in the building. I see no one else but him. He stares into my eyes so deeply that I can feel it in my soulless body. I would wreck the world for him. I would do anything if it brought him pleasure. Spike is now my purpose in this undead life. My purpose is to make him happy. If we were to ever be parted, I don’t think I’d survive it.

“Get away from her, Spike,” a voice interrupts us.

Our heads whip to our side in unison. The little blonde Slayer stands with her arms crossed. A serious expression plaguing her face. Aw, why the frown Buffy?

Spike snickers, tossing his head back mockingly. “Won’t even wait five minutes, will you?”

“Get out of here,” she commands sharply to him. Then, Buffy turns to me with softness in her eyes. She grips my forearm pleadingly, “he’s not who he says he is.”

Oh, this is funny, she thinks I’m human. She assumes I’m an innocent defenseless victim. Okay, I could work with this. This may be the opportunity Spike and I was looking for, the perfect charade.

My eyes go wide and I step back from Spike anxiously, “what... what do you mean?” I move to stand beside Buffy.

Spike frowns at me as though I’ve lost my marbles.

The Slayer takes my hand, ready to pull me away, “he’s-”

“Must we cause such a scene?” Spike rips me away from Buffy, grabbing my wrist roughly. “Come on, Y/N, let’s go,” he instructs, wrapping an arm around my waist and escorting me to the door. I interlock my hands instead of leaning into him as I usually would keep up the act. Once we’re out of hearing range of the Slayer and her team, he whispers to me harshly. “What the bloody hell was that?”

I suppress a snicker, “you’re far too simple-minded sometimes, Baby. Buffy is going to follow us and I need you to just go with it.”

As he opens the door for me leading out into the alley, he glances at me in amazement. Finally, the pieces are coming together. “You’re trying to pull one on her.”

“Precisely,” I confirm with an evil grin.

Alone in the dimly lit alley, Spike squeezes my waist and tugs me into his chest. He bites down on my lip, peering down at me with a pleased smirk. “You are by far the most miraculous woman I’ve ever met.” Eagerly, he leans down and smashes his lips to mine. My fingers comb through the back of his hair and grip the edges in a fist. He growls against my lips and it only drives me crazier. Will, it ever subside, the wanting him?

The metal door to The Bronze squeezes and I instantly shove Spike off of me with a scream. He stumbles back, still in a daze from our kiss. “Help!” I scream, “someone helps me, please!” I pretend to be distraught and soon Buffy is by my side, ushering me behind her safely.

“I’m not going to let you take her!” She yells at Spike bitterly.

“Well that’s really up to her, isn’t it?” Spike mocks with a cheeky grin on his lips.

“She’s human, Spike! She doesn’t know what you are,” she argues, acting as the big-bad defender of man.

“What is he?” I squeak, sounding all poor pitiful. Honestly, it’s kind of annoying playing the victim. I sound like such a cry baby. Plus, if I were human, I definitely wouldn’t follow a strange man into an empty alley. I’d be asking to get murdered. No, I just talk to them in empty cemeteries in the middle of the night.

Buffy turns to me urgently, doing everything she can to keep me safe, how sweet. She grips both of my forearms, leading me away from spike. “Look, Spike isn’t a good guy, okay? He’ll hurt you or worse! You need to run!” She urges, gesturing down the alley to the road.

“But-” I stutter, glancing at Spike. Then, in one swift motion, I yank my arms free of Buffy’s hold and leg sweep her. She falls to the pavement with a smack. I tower over her with a giggle. “You know, grabbing people without their permission isn’t nice. Where are your manners?”

Spike jogs over and pulls me into his chest. I rest my arms over him around my waist and he places his chin on my shoulder with a cheeky grin. “Beautifully done, My Love.”

Buffy pants, staring up at us in confusion, “what the-”

“Surprise! Didn’t see that one coming, did you?” I laugh wickedly, steadily approaching her like a snake going in for the kill.

______________________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @currently-obsesed-with-spike

#spikexreader #spike x buffy #spike x reader #spike fanfic #spike #spuffy #buffy #buffy summers #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy the vampire slayer imagine #fanfic #imagine

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julieloveupstead · 3 years ago

Text

"You Are My Now and Forever" - Upstead

Description: My version of what could or might happen after the last scene from 8x16. I hope you enjoy it

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Events that had taken place only a few moments ago were blurring into one. I didn't know what was real and what was fake. I don't even remember by what miracle I managed to get home. Everything seemed so strange to me, as if all the movements were made by another person, I was just looking at it.

When I entered the apartment it was dark and which was ironic because that's exactly how I felt - as if the darkness had taken over me and I couldn't get out of it.

- Hey, I thought I'd meet you at the hospital - and as if out of nowhere Jay appeared, who like the light he'd just turned on in the living room made all the bad memories from an hour ago evaporate. In that moment, I realized for the first time how much of an influence Jay has on me. How much he has changed in my life and how much he means. All my life I didn't know what it meant to love, what it meant to be loved. I didn't have an example of a loving, supportive family at home. Affection, intimacy, loyalty, love, respect these adjectives were not used at home.

I saw that Jay was saying something, but what I couldn't focus on what he was saying. I just tried to nod, because all I had in my head was the thought that I couldn't let the only good thing in my life get screwed up. I have to, I want with all my might to hold on to him and what we have because what we have is so special and for the first time in my life I feel happy and safe. When I'm with him all that matters is the here and now. No work, no case to solve, no problems, no memories, and no mavens from tonight with Voight. It's just him and me. And that thought causes me to say:

- I love you. - stopping my boyfriend in half a step with this (6 months together and calling him a boy it still makes me feel amazing in my lower abdomen and disbelieve that this wonderful man is mine and most importantly wants to be mine)

- I love you too," he says surprised by my bravery, which even I am surprised by, because not long ago he had a panic attack at the sound of those 3 words.

This guy looks at me with such tenderness and love that I don't deserve, and certainly not after what I did today. I was beginning to barely see through the tears appearing in my eyes. I'm afraid it's the last time I'll hear those words out of his mouth and surely as soon as he hears about what happened in that warehouse in his eyes I'll see disappointment and that will mean my end. Feeling how much I wanted to keep him I let go of all the barriers, because in the end what else was left for me?

- You are so honest and I... - and I just wanted to feel accepted, loved and seen as valuable. Somehow I couldn't say the words out loud. I swallowed my saliva loudly at the memory of my childhood as my own father instilled in me that I deserved nothing, that I was just a worthless loser. And now that I finally felt that I was finally worth something to someone, worth loving, worth trusting, worth telling the biggest demons he was stewing inside and worth opening his heart once again, now I had to break something.

- Hey, hey, everything's going to work out with us too - the way he calmly and tenderly addressed me hurt me even more because he recognized my anxiety right away. It always surprises me how accurately he can read me as if from an open book, in fact I read him too.

- I don't want to be without you," I said with a fear that I was no longer able to mask. I can't live without him. Without it, all my demons will hit me with double or even triple force. Jay is the rock for me, the anchor of what I cannot survive without, he is my everything.

- You never will," he said with tears in his eyes and a slight smile of delight. This man surprised me all the time with how much love he had for me. I wish I could say or show how much I love him, but I fail every damn time. Maybe my father was right and I don't deserve any love?

- Maybe we should get married? - i was surprised by what I had just said, and so was Jay, and yet I really feltrything's going to work out with us too - the way he calmly and tenderly addressed me hurt me even more because he recognized my anxiety right away. It always surprises me how accurately he can read me as if from an open book, in fact I read him too.

- Maybe we should get married? - i was surprised by what I had just said, and so was Jay, and yet I really felt this is the right time. I don't want to lose him. I'm afraid of losing him. I could feel the panic starting to set in.

- I'm serious, let's get married," I repeated this time more confidently to reassure him that I wasn't joking.

- Honey," he smiled tenderly, and a single tear began to run down her cheek. His gaze showed nothing like love, his one hand went to my cheek and brushed it. The gesture caused me to let my eyes close and snuggle more into his warm and soft hand. - I would be honored to marry you, to call you my wife, to hear you call me husband from your lips. I can't wait for the day I see you in church in a beautiful white dress when we have a bunch of beautiful children. I love you so much that you can't even imagine and I can't imagine on this finger - with his other hand he lifted my right hand, with his finger he played with my heart finger and then he kissed it in the place where the ring and the wedding ring should be. And he looked at me again - I love you and I will never stop. Remember what I told you a few weeks ago? I'm not going anywhere, really anywhere. So tell me what's going on? What happened to make your beautiful head germinate with the thought that I might leave you? - throughout the monologue he spoke in a calm, quiet and monotonous voice that is reserved only for me. Jay always knows when something is bothering me and as of now he knows exactly what, well maybe almost. We are mentally connected and I never wanted it to end. More tears flowed down my cheeks as he gently wiped them away with his thumb. I pulled my nose, wondering how I was going to tell him all this.

- I can't tell you. I'm afraid you'll leave me, that you'll hate me, that... - my voice was breaking.

- Hey, Hailey, baby. It's never gonna happen. - said with tenderness and assurance. I closed my eyes again and thought once again of a goat's death and began to tell the story.

- Voight found Roy. He specifically sent us to the houses we were bouncing off the door, and he chose the right house himself, where he found information on where Roy was. After I dropped Adam off at Kim's house to take care of Makayla I followed Hank's trail and found him in the warehouse. - i paused to swallow my saliva, giving him a moment to calm down. Jay didn't say a word, just listened. I felt my legs no longer me and Jay guided me to the couch. I sat up and he planted me in his lap, cradling me tightly against his torso. To calm myself down a bit, I start playing with the fingers of his hand and continued on. - Walton was handcuffed to the pipe and Voight was beating him - I closed my eyes having the events described before my eyes. Jay must have started to suspect something because he pulled me tighter to him so that I was almost lying on top of him. - When Voight spotted me he pointed the gun in my direction - I could feel my defender's muscles toning I knew he remembered the story of the burglar when I was twelve and how he when not was in bad shape after a bout of PTSD set in and pointed a gun in my direction. He still blames himself for that and for what he said at the very beginning of our relationship about my father and my life. I forgave him a long time ago, and he hasn't forgiven himself. And how could I not love him, but going back - Jay I really tried to do everything right. I tried to reason with the Sergeant, but he was like he was in another world. Eyes full of murder, and zero emotion on his face. It was the first time I really saw Hank's resemblance to my father and it scared me so much. I thought I'd finally convinced him to keep Roy, that it could all still be explained. When Voight tried to unseat him Roy grabbed his gun - my breathing began to quicken, I closed my eyes - I thought Walton was going to shoot Voight. It was a good shot, I... no... i had a way out. It was a good shot.

- Those, come to me, sweetheart - when I started to cry Jay kissed my forehead and when I thought that you can't hug a man tighter, I was wrong. - Roy was unpredictable, he almost killed Kim and Kent and could have killed you and Voight. It was a good shot. Baby look at me - I did as he asked. He kissed my eye, then my eyes, then my nose and mouth. - It's not your fault, it's Voights you understand? He's got blood on his hands, not you. I love you and I will not let anyone hurt you. Hailey Anne Upton you are mine now and you will be my future and eternity you understand? - I looked into his eyes and became convinced that he really thinks so. I was overwhelmed by the love I get from him, I'm very lucky. I kissed him tenderly as if there was no tomorrow. I was unable to say how much I love him, or how grateful I am for his presence in my life, so I hoped a kiss would give it all away.

"I love you Jay," I put my forehead to his.

- I love you Hailey - this time he kissed me.

- As for my question ... - I started hesitantly, but Jay cut me off

- We will go back to this, you will see the engagement, it will be one of the most beautiful memories of our lives, of course, apart from the our wedding and the arrival of our children - he laughed tenderly and winked at me and I laughed and hugged more in my boyfriend, in my present and the future.

#upstead #upstead fic #jay x hailey #jay halstead #hailey upton

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rufousnmacska · 4 years ago

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I have a lot of thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames, and since it helps me to write them out, I thought I’d share.

It’s behind a cut because SPOILERS and it’s long lol!

Nesta

I had expected we’d learn that Nesta had suffered some type of abuse or trauma as a child that Elain and Feyre were not aware of. I wasn’t expecting it to be so subtle, for lack of a better word. Abuse comes in a lot of forms, which I think SJM is good at showing. Emotionally manipulating your daughter for power, ignoring her in favor of your business and money … those may not be as visible as physical or verbal abuse, but they still cause damage.

I’m not sure how to convey it properly, but I thought it was important to show how the parts of her that were born from the abuse and trauma, while dark or not always healthy, were still useful. The wolf she became to survive her childhood helped her survive the cauldron. Not being able to “turn it off” is what hurt her. My favorite quote:

“So Nesta had become a wolf. Armed herself with invisible teeth and claws, and learned to strike faster, deeper, more lethally. Had relished it. But when the time came to put away the wolf, she’d found it had devoured her too.”

And as Amren said later “That’s the key isn’t it? To know the darkness will always remain, but how you choose to face it, handle it … that’s the important part. To not let it consume. To focus on the good, the things that fill you with wonder.”

I’ve seen a lot of fans upset that Nesta gave up her cauldron powers at the end to save Feyre and the baby. Although I’d initially hoped (post acofas) that her training would be more about her magic than physical training, I’m okay with how it worked out. She never wanted that power and she never liked having it. She stole it as revenge and she fought constantly to suppress it. Was she a badass when she wielded it? Absolutely! But ultimately, her giving it back was the final big step in her healing arc and acceptance of herself. (That doesn’t mean she’s “cured.” This will be an ongoing battle for her. I only mean this in terms of the story in this book.)

She chose to sacrifice it, unlike so many other times in her life when things were forced on her or happened to her. Unlike the future her mother had set out for her. Unlike when they were poor and her father did nothing to get them through. Unlike when she was thrown into the cauldron and then a war. Even unlike when she was forced to move into the House of the Wind, and her apartment – the one place she had chosen for herself no matter how run down it was – got demolished. I’m not going to go into the intervention too much. It was poorly done, but I doubt any of them had experience in doing one. A conversation acknowledging that might have been nice. And I’m not ignoring Feyre and Rhys’s hypocrisy of Nesta being confined to a place where she effectively had no way to leave on her own. The stairway at that point was not an option. But the bottom line is that Nesta needed help and was not in a position to willingly accept it or seek it out.

Regardless, she is still a lethal badass. She still has some of her powers, along with her fighting skills, which will only get better and better. So, the idea that she gave up what made her strong, or ended up as some meek housewife … I don’t agree with that at all. She has the intelligence and potential to become a force in leading armies. Not to mention her skill as an emissary. (Which Cassian finally learned how to imitate lol!)

On a personal note, I’m intimately familiar with the depression and self-loathing Nesta experienced in this book. Although I don’t necessarily react to those feelings in the same ways or exhibit the same coping mechanisms (I tend to turn my anger inward rather than outward), I could still relate to her journey. Her stubbornness and feelings that she didn’t deserve love or anything good or kind were presented accurately in my opinion. Parts were hard for me to read because of that. But I loved that she was able to make her way through the pain and finally begin to accept and love herself. And I especially loved that she was helped not only by Cassian, but by her friendship with Emerie and Gwyn.

And the House! Holy shit. The magic houses in this world piss me off to no end because they are not real and I will forever need to clean my own place LOL! Her relationship with the house was beautiful and funny and I love that she Made it! She needed a friend, someone to understand her, not only what she wanted but what she needed, and boom! The House of the Wind came alive for her.

So, overall, I loved Nesta’s journey. I’m happy she ended in a place that brought her inner peace and the ability to better deal with her problems in the future.

Nessian

I loved them before this book and I love them more after. The smut was a little shocking at first lol but I’ve read the Black Dagger Brotherhood books, which SJM loves, so really, it wasn’t that out there. I loved that Cassian showed that even with the mating bond, he could give Nesta space and freedom. In that respect, their relationship felt more mature to me than feysand. Their banter and the sexual tension was great! (The book is about a book.) They had some not great moments, as they have in past books. But those were realistic. People argue and say things they regret. But they also talk through it and apologize. This is a good time to point out – NOT ALL APOLOGIES INVOLVE EXPLICITLY SAYING I AM SORRY. There are other ways to show remorse and ask for forgiveness.

I don’t know if I had one favorite moment as there were quite a few. I think the most emotional for me was when they reached the lake. I know firsthand how difficult it is to speak aloud the things Nesta said. And I am also lucky to have people in my life who responded the way Cassian did – with love and support and kindness.

The nightmare scene, the prison scene, the dancing, the mating bond, Cassian turning the knife on himself … I loved them all!

The Valkyries

I fucking loved them! Gwyn and Emerie were absolute delights and I’m so glad Nesta made good friends of her own who she could be herself with. Their bonding over books, training, and their pasts was wonderful. Nesta urging them on and defending them from the Illyrians in the Blood Rite was a beautiful step in her healing. Before this book, I was hesitant about the foreshadowing that Nesta would take part in the Rite, fearing it would become some sort of white savior trope to help the female Illyrians. But I enjoyed the way it ended up happening. I know it seemed unrealistic for Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn to get that far against warriors who’d been training for years. But part of the point was the males were arrogant as fuck. They underestimated the trio, to their detriment. Nesta and her friends used cunning as much as strength and skill to get where they did.

And I loved the image of Emerie and Gwyn just sitting back, sipping tea and admiring the river after going through a week of pure hell and winning the Blood Rite.

I hope we get more of them all together in the next books.

ETA - I can’t believe I forgot! Gwyn writing their story because their stories deserve to be told 🥲💕

The sisters

Overall I liked how things turned out with them.

Elain is still a bit of a non-entity to me. I don’t feel like I really know anything about her. Which, to some extent, is the point I think. There will be a lot to reveal in her story and she has a shitload of healing to do. She may have the appearance of adjusting and fitting in, but I don’t buy it. Nesta telling Elain to fuck off was awesome and long overdue. But Elain was also right in pointing out how others treat her and the trauma she’s experienced. I think there is still more to be dealt with between these two in the next book.

Feyre and Nesta were the more interesting relationship to me. The eldest and the youngest tend to butt heads in my opinion (and personal experience). So I was glad they came to an understanding. And very glad that Feyre did not get angry with Nesta for telling her about the baby. Rhys deserved the wrath for that.

One thing I would have liked to see discussed was the role of their parents in their lives. Nesta holds a lot of guilt for how she reacted to their poverty and I think that is understandable. I think Elain does too. However, I do not think any of the sisters should harbor blame for what happened. Their father was responsible for them. Period. Even if he was physically unable to work or help around the house, he still could have been a father. Yes, Feyre stepped up and fed them. Nesta and Elain didn’t help. It was his role to make them. Not in an abusive way. But step up and tell Nesta and Elain to do something, whether it’s chop wood or gather food from the wild. I don’t know. In my opinion, it is wrong to place blame on young girls who had a parent that did nothing. His actions in acowar were noble, but they don’t erase his failures. That all of this was glossed over disappointed me. I think this was something Nesta needed to be told explicitly by both her sisters. She had things to apologize for and feel guilt for, but she was not the one who should have protected Feyre. All three of them should have been protected by their father.

The Inner Circle

It’s kind of funny to me how blind they all are about each other. I don’t even know what else to say about their dysfunction.

Amren’s sudden desire for Rhys to become High King was weird, and though I should know better, I still really hope the series doesn’t end that way. The IC tends to have good intentions about things, but I don’t think they know how to handle a problem without some kind of force. And controlling all the other courts is not something that would happen easily, especially with perceived allies.

Amren and Mor thinking Nesta belonged or should be sent to the Court of Nightmares was a spectacularly shitty take. The lack of awareness and acknowledgement that Nesta was suffering from multiple traumas was just … unbelievable.

But considering how much this group does not see about each other, I guess it’s not a surprise. I don’t know how much is willful ignorance or just really, really poor people skills. I understand how this all makes for good angst and drama, I really do. But I’m just at the point where it’s grating. They need to sit the fuck down and talk to each other. It’s been five hundred years for fucks sake. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Rhys

Okay. I liked Rhys in acotar and acomaf. But the sparkly exterior wore off big time for me in acowar and acofas. I honestly could have done without him in this book. But I wasn’t foolish enough to expect him to not be in it. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that SJM has her favorites and Rhys is at the top of the list.

Having said that, he annoyed the shit out of me in this book. Someone really needs to explain to him that a choice between two awful things, one of which might be deadly, is not really a choice. I don’t have the energy for it, but better writers than me could write a thesis on the illusion of choice in these books. Which is, in my opinion, pretty clearly tied to the brand of feminism presented.

Not only is the choice given to Nesta at the beginning not a choice, Rhys doesn’t seem to consider Elain at all in his argument with Az. All other issues with that bonus chapter aside, he saw them. He saw the mutual attraction and consent. What happened to not forcing females to accept the mating bond? What happened to respecting her choice and autonomy? I considered the possibility that maybe since he knows Az, there’s a reason he thinks they wouldn’t work. But then, that pretty much flies out the window by him asking Az about Mor. Sure, Az is still hung up on Mor, but she is pretty fucking clear about her opinion.

The whole thing about not telling Feyre about the risky childbirth was awful. And not that I would expect it to happen, but not even mentioning abortion as an option was frustrating. That plot line was not good in any way. There were plenty of other things that could have gone wrong with the birth to push Nesta to act at the end. To be honest, the feysand dynamic is not great. While I appreciated her standing up to him about Nesta and other things, he very deliberately uses sex as a distraction to get out of arguments. Yet another way he never really seems to suffer consequences of bad behavior.

I will say I was really glad he got the opportunity to experience the full trauma of what Nesta went through. And my petty ass loved him kneeling before her at the end!

Miscellaneous

Where was Illyria?? My one serious expectation for this book was that we’d learn more about Illyria and deal with the revolution that was hyped up in acofas. To be written off in one paragraph was disappointing. It makes me think that if we are to ever get more details about the Illyrians, it might be in Az’s story. It was mentioned a few times that he hates them (with good reason) and would wipe them off the map if it was up to him. So I’m guessing his arc will require him coming to terms with that.

Elriel-Elucien-Gwynriel

I’ve never been super invested in this story line but I admit I’ve leaned more towards Elriel in the past. Partly because I like some of the complementary symbolism associated with them, but mostly because I’d really like to see a story about rejection of the mating bond. Even with the extra chapters, I feel like we still don’t know much of anything about who Elain truly is. And the same can be said of Az. So, those chapters didn’t sway me that much. With the exception of Az interacting with Gwyn. I agree with a lot of others saying Az has a lot of work to do on himself before he can be with anyone. I think Elain and Gwyn also have a lot of healing to do. SJM can take this in so many directions that I just don’t know what to think.

I will say that originally I was expecting the next book to involve a love square of Elain, Az, Lucien, and Vassa, because I did see a connection between the last two. But now … Was Lucien annoyed by Jurian and Vassa because he’s jealous? Just annoyed? I don’t know. I still think Vassa will be in the next books if only because of Koschei. But I’m not so sure about her involvement with Lucien. I think we’ve got enough people in this love polygon lol! Jesus, what a mess. But maximum angst 😂

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kuroshitsuji-scenarios · 4 years ago

Note

“It’s been centuries since I felt like this, I’m not letting you go that easily.”/ for undertaker/ good you are safe! Mwah!

OHOOO, THIS ONE IS SO GOOD! I hope you enjoy the result! <3

Pairing: Undertaker x Reader

Words: 1,833

Prompt: 23. “It’s been centuries since I felt like this, I’m not letting you go that easily.”

[ taglist ] [ commissions ]

He was not the only the person you did not recognize during your relative’s funeral. There was so many people, after all, close family and friends but also faces you have never seen before and he certainly was one of them. Despite the gloomy atmosphere, it was impossible to not notice how he simply could not fit in the crowd, no matter that he was also dressed all in black, slightly bent over the freshly digged grave, mourning and silent.

Completely alone.

Perhaps it was his long, snow white hair or the unnaturally pale skin or maybe the scar crossing his handsome face—all those elements creating a picture perfect to catch your attention and cause you to think about it hours after the ceremony ended, giving you sleepless night. The stranger, whoever he was, seemed to be a ghost, now haunting your memory and making you wonder, who could that be? The longer you thought about it, the more uncertain you grew, sometimes wondering whether you truly saw him there or if he was just a passing shadow of the past, caught in the corner of your eye.

The fate, however, decided to end your misery in a way you would last expect it to—by giving you exactly what you wanted. Meeting the same, mysterious man in the middle of the city was something you would rather witness only in the films, the ones people considered as unrealistic and having plots which had no right to happen in the real world. Still, there was no mistake, it was him with the same eccentric appearance and the only difference being that now, he smiled when he clearly recognized you.

“It’s not the most common way to meet new people, I have to admit,” he chuckled after placing the cup of cappuccino back on the small plate and looked back at you. “If I only knew that my friend had such an adorable relatives, perhaps I would actually attend those family gatherings.”

“I can’t guarantee you that you’d meet me at any of them, I’m a rather busy person.”

“And not the life of the party, I assume?”

“Pretty much.” You shrugged. “Is it so obvious?”

“No, I’m just quite clever, if I can say so.”

The final conclusion after spending an afternoon with him in a coffee shop was that he was not only clever but also surprisingly charming. Undertaker, as he introduced himself right after giving you his real name and mentioning that he has never been fond of it, was truly like a gift from another world—he was a gentleman, well-mannered, polite and respectful, not to mention that his sense of humour seemed to fit yours just perfectly. The first wave of anxiety quickly faded away as he showed you that there is nothing to be shy about around him and even gave you an example or two on how he was not a social butterfly in his anecdotes.

The second and third meeting was surprisingly pleasant and each evening you came back home with stomach hurting from the amount of laugh, the blissful smile of your lips and the lovely tingling sensation in your heart.

On the fourth, he kissed you on the cheek as a goodbye, after walking you home to make sure that you were safe and sound, which was a very reasonable decision, since you were so lost in conversation, that you forgot about the passing time.

During the sixth, he confessed that he truly enjoyed your company and no matter the circumstances, he was glad to meet you.

On the tenth, Undertaker was showering you with heated kisses, the hunger on his tongue and the trembling in the fingers. He told you then, that he fell in love with you and he really did—he loved you just as much, as he always promised you to and there was never a hint of lie in his words, not when he was confessing his undying affection, nor swearing to spend the afterlife with you. Naturally, it could be an exaggeration, for he was always a little bit unpredictable with his love language, but in the end, you found out that everything he has ever said to you, was plain truth.

You would be the one worth considering a liar if you said that it did not flatter you. His feelings for you, how devoted he grew, how much he cared was the greatest compliment you could receive and a very clear signal that you deserved such a chivalrous man. It was a significant boost to your confidence, especially when you were walking together, arms locked and the conversations going so swiftly, as if he was created to be with you—the perfect, second half of one soul.

Soon, you started to wonder what could possibly go wrong, for the image seemed to be too perfect to be real.

Perhaps he was hiding some dangerous past, had debts or wife and children. Or maybe was he some kind of stalker who knew who you are long before you met. The possibilities were endless and when you asked him about some of your doubts, Undertaker not only explained why were they wrong but also gave you reliable proofs.

It was like a dream, the twisted one, where you were constantly waiting for something bad to happen but everyone around you kept dancing, blind and deaf for your intuition. You loved him equally fiercely as he did love you and that was the main reason why the possibility of some incident or secret slipping was running your blood cold. When it eventually did, you were beyond shocked to find out that no such thing ever appeared on your list, nor occurred in your mind.

Undertaker had to support his weight on the nearby wall, the other hand pressed firmly to his temple where the dark blood was gushing through his fingers and staining the collar of the dress-shirt. The wound you gave to him was not too deep, the place on his head and the amount of blood caused it to look like that, and at first you held your breath wondering if you accidentally killed him. The brass lamp suddenly grew heavier in your hands, the fingers painfully stiff when you were holding onto your temporary weapon as if your life depended on it.

And maybe it truly did.

“Stay back,” you ordered, your tone not sounding even half as confidently as you wanted. “Don’t come any closer.”

Undertaker looked at you from under his long, white eyelashes, the sight of his vivid green eyes causing the shivers to run down your spine. Still, you stood your ground, afraid to even blink just in case he would decide to jump on you and snap your neck.

“What’s the matter, poppet?” he muttered, slowly straightening his back and wiping the blood off his hand on the fabric of his trousers. There was a curve of the smile playing on his lips. “Didn’t you say that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me barely few days ago?”

“I did and I’ve changed my mind. Now don’t move any closer.”

“Or what?” he hissed and the sudden step forward was enough to almost make you lose your balance.

Undertaker chuckled at the fear you were so desperately trying to hide beneath the mask of courage. It was slipping out from every corner, your eyes betraying the terror in your soul.

Oh, how long it has been since he has last seen it.

“Will you hit me again, my love?” He pointed at the lamp in your hands. “Don’t hesitate, just make sure to aim better next time, the single blow won’t be enough to knock me out… And actually, I doubt that you’d ever be able to do it.”

“Stay the fuck back!” you warned, growing more scared and desperate with every step he took. “If you thought that I won’t discover the truth you were dead wrong and now you expected me to pretend that nothing happened?”

“What a pitiful choice of words,” he giggled, genuinely amused. “No, I wasn’t hoping to hide it from you forever, I just wanted to wait for a while longer. You, humans, don’t handle it very well and you’re no exception.”

“What are you talking about?” Salty droplet of sweat rolled down your forehead and you fought the urge to wipe it off, knowing that the man in front of you could use it for his advantage. “Did you really thought that if you told me later about your little laboratory in the basement then I’d be more understanding?”

“You would.”

“Like hell I would!”

You were at the verge of crying, the frustration and panic growing inside of you with every passing second. Discovering the bloody passion of your fiancé was one thing, but facing him and fighting for your life when he tried to pull you down the stairs was something completely different. All you wanted right now, was to leave, to run as fast as you could and never see him again, just to be safe and away from him and his murderous tendencies.

Funny, suddenly you felt like in the film The Shining, except that your partner did not lose consciousness after you almost crushed his skull with the heavy lamp in an attempt to defend yourself. It was almost as if he did not feel any pain, as if the hits had no effect on him.

As if he was immortal.

Slowly, you stepped back, still eyeing him carefully, observing if he would try to stop you from leaving his house. Once again, he reminded you of a dark ghost, the freezing memory of the past, growing and expanding in the tiny living room like a plague. His beautiful, pure face was rotten inside, his mind twisted and the smile—the smile, you grew so fond of—has never been so terrifying.

Undertaker waited patiently until you could almost reach the doorknob behind your back, giving you just enough hope to see your features soften before he materialized right in front of you in a blink of an eye. Before you could react, he covered your mouth with his hand, nails digging in your cheeks, and with a swift movement threw the lamp across the room, too far for you to reach. Leaning down, he looked at you in the eyes with the same, loving gaze you remembered and your noses almost touched, the dried blood staining his cheek and neck appearing as almost black now.

“You don’t understand, my love,” he whispered and rested his forehead against yours, taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent of your fear before continuing. “I’ve never lied to you, not even for a second. My affection for you is real, it brought me closer to being alive than I’ve ever been. It’s been centuries since I felt like this, I’m not letting you go that easily.”

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #undertaker #undertaker x reader #scenarios #shinigami #queue

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astertataricvs · 5 years ago

Text

Hug time! Demon Hunters Edition

Thank you so much for 1k followers! I don’t deserve your kindness OMG 😭😭 I love you guys so much! 😭😭💕💕

So to celebrate 1k followers, I decided to write hug time for demon hunters just like the pillars! I hope you all like it! 💕💕

Genya Shinazugawa

You are currently walking towards Himejima's dojo since you want to visit your hardworking and bashful boyfriend due to how much you missed him after weeks of being separated. You knew him being a zealous lad sometimes, but when it comes to girls, he would quickly become awkward and nervous around them.

But when Genya is around you, he felt so comfortable and he liked how you would encourage him and smile at him every time you two are together. You don't know where he exactly rallied all the valour to confess to you, but for you, Genya was certainly adorable at that momentous day, and you won't ever forget how he's so flustered at that time.

You skipped all the way to Himejima's dojo and you hastily looked for your tall boyfriend. You already knew that he's yet again training with consecration. Since Genya isn't a boy who can do breaths, he's trying his best to manifest one. Moreover, he wants to become stronger and be a pillar just like his older brother: Shinazugawa Sanemi. Once he mastered a breath, he believed that the Wind pillar will finally acknowledge him and accept him so he's overexerting himself and training to death.

As you reached the dojo, you can hear footsteps and swish of a sword inside. Your eyes widened upon thinking that it's definitely Genya training with all his might again. Thinking about him working strenuously, you couldn't control the smile developing on your face and ambled towards the big doors of the Stone pillar's dojo.

Once you peek your head at the door, you see a sweating Genya swinging his sword with aggressive movements. You smiled upon seeing him doing his best, so you didn't want to bother him from his training session, especially since you can testify the determination in Genya's eyes. Hence, you decided to wait for him outside and watch him train.

However, it seems like your boyfriend noticed your presence since he paused from his training and turned his head to look over at you.

"(Name)?" He bewilderedly says to which you waved your right hand at him.

"Hey," you greeted.

"What are you doing there?" He asked, sheathing his sword and wipe the sweat by his forearm.

"I don't want to bother you from your training. I know you're working hard."

Genya's face instantly blushed upon seeing your tender smile that he couldn't get tired from always looking at. Moreover, it's been a while since you two spend your time together since you're both busy doing your missions. That is why seeing you once again made his heart flutter and he doesn't want to admit it but... he really missed you a lot. He was relieved that you're completely fine and doing well.

"Can I come in?" Genya jolted in his spot and frantically nodded his head.

You giggled at his adorableness and scooted towards his way. "I missed you, Genya. I'm glad you're doing fine."

The said boy merely bit his lower lip and meekly nodded his head. You had no idea how glad he was from seeing you once again, after weeks of being sequestered with you, he just wanted to deluge you with a hug and won't let you go.

Staring at Genya who has a faint blush across his cheeks and being queasy, you couldn't help but laugh at his awkward movements and you already had an idea to what he was thinking at this moment. Since you knew that Genya is really a shy boy despite being together for almost half a year, you took the initiative by encircling your arms around his waist and placed your ears on his chest since your boyfriend is a tall man.

The sudden action of yours surprised him and his body tensed. You even felt how his body went stiff when you hugged him without notice. However, when you buried your head into his chest, that's when Genya relaxes and his lips curved upwards. The warmth coming from you was surely soothing, might as well, he loves it when you're being affectionate like this.

His heartbeat accelerates and his arms gradually snake around your shoulders and burry you into him. He rests his chin on the top of your head and inhales the scent of your shampoo.

"I missed you, (Name)... and I love you..."

You smiled upon hearing his statement, "I love you too, Genya..."

Afterwards, your boyfriend plants a soft kiss on your head, causing you to giggle and Genya to be flustered about it.

Inosuke Hashibira

Your mission had finally ended with the Insect pillar. You are one of her tsuguko's as well but Kanao is much more substantial than you. Although the quiet girl was the best student of Shinobu, you're still not daunted by it. Instead, it gives you more reason to train harder and become stronger. Also, you don't hold any hatred towards her because she's indeed an adorable girl and is really nice. You two get along as well.

You and Shinobu were heading back to the butterfly estate, and that means, you can finally see your feral boyfriend who likes to brag about something, saying that he can do everything that Tanjiro does. At first, you were a bit annoyed by his obnoxious and tumultuous personality but... as the days went on and time ticked, you immediately become used to his presence and you didn't expect that you're going to befriend the one that you're annoyed with, and most importantly, to become your boyfriend.

Inosuke is fun to be with and he's really entertaining to watch. It was quite shocking for you when you discovered what lies underneath the boar mask of his. You didn't know that Inosuke has a beautiful face that every girl wants. Heck, he's even prettier than you if he's going to dress up as a girl!

Furthermore, you didn't foretell that you're going to become couples since Inosuke doesn't have all the characteristics that you like for a guy. Specifically, he isn't the kind of guy who would want to involve in such a thing called love. From his wild personality and the lack of knowledge, do you really think he would give a damn to love stuffs and want to get in a relationship? No.

But love moves in an unexpected way, you just realized one day that you fell for him and that's that. You were ecstatic when Inosukeconfessed to you in a flamboyant way. And you won't ever forget that because he absolutely caused a scene. He suddenly declared his love for you when you went to the headquarters to inform Shinobu about the injured demon hunters from the estate and she's needed immediately. You didn't know that Inosuke was following you all this time and he just caught you off guard when he blurted out his feelings for you while all the pillars are present.

You were really flustered on that day because of the fact that all the pillars had witnessed the scene that Inosuke had induced.

Uzui cheered for Inosuke for being so flamboyant. Mitsuri fangirled all the way, screeching with hearts appearing around her while your master; Shinobu merely giggled. Rengoku just smiled and commended Inosuke's valiance, Sanemi and Iguro just watched you with annoyance with an irk mark plastered on their faces. Muichiro just stared at you both then looked at the sky, not saying anything, and for Himejima, he only watched with tears flowing down on his cheeks and said "youth these days, how admirable."

Ahh, you won't ever forget that day and you have never been so flustered in your entire existence on this planet.

"(Name), please tell Aoi that I won't eat lunch today and just bring me some tea, I will work on my poison and treat those injured demon hunters, understood?"

"Yes, Shinobu-sama," you answered and the Insect pillar simply smiled before nodding.

"If you need me, you can see me in my office."

After that, Shinobu takes her leave as you watch her walk away. You turned your heels to go to your room to take a bath, but suddenly, you heard loud footsteps inside the estate and you craned your neck to look where it was coming from.

"(NAME)!"

Inosuke catches you off guard by pouncing onto you and tackled you with a hug. He wasn't wearing his usual boar mask you'd regularly see and you two fell onto the ground because of your boyfriend's swift action. Inosuke was above you while his arms are around your waist as a cheeky smile crept on his gorgeous face.

You had no idea why he's not wearing his mask but you don't mind about it because you really like seeing Inosuke's bare face and you won't get bored from staring at him forever. He's just so beautiful.

"I-Inosuke, don't just suddenly attack me with that, geez..." you stated while propping your hands on the ground to help you sit up.

"Whatever, shrimpy (Name)! I'll do whatever I want!"

"Do you really missed me that much to be this excited to hug me?" You teased the boy and Inosuke paused from his movements while staring at you with those green doe eyes of his. Then subsequently, his face dusted with pink hues as he hung his head low, not meeting your eyes.

"Shut up! I'm not, okay?!" He defends but you already knew that he indeed missed you because of how bashful he is right now. And you won't deny it, he's so adorable being flustered.

"You're so cute, Inosuke, if you really want to hug me then I'm all yours!"

Inosuke's face fumed, "I'M NOT CUTE! I'M THE HANDSOME GOD OF THE MOUNTAINS, HASHIBIRA INOSUKE!"

"Pfft, handsome God," you stifle your laugh and the pretty boyfriend of yours only scowled at you, saying incoherent things.

"I'LL LEAVE YOU HERE!"

He was about to retract himself from you when you quickly snaked your arms around his waist, pulling him back to you and planting a soft kiss on his cheek. Your bold action causes Inosuke's body to stiffen and gawk at you with wide eyes.

"W-What?" He asked in disbelief, blinking a few times.

"I missed you." A saccharine smile brandished your face as Inosuke only admired your beauty and stared at you for a good minute.

His tense self suddenly eases and his irritation instantaneously dissolves because of your goddamn smile that he freaking loves. He's so weak when it comes to you.

Inosuke didn't say a thing and just wrapped his arms around your waistline before nestling his face into the crook of your neck. Your scent was making him feel relaxed and knowing that you're beside him was the only thing that he needs.

"I missed you too."

Kanao Tsuyuri

You were at the backyard of the butterfly estate, hanging the blankets and futons that the trio had used for a week. You didn't mind if they were being too loud around the estate especially Zenitsu and the feral boy Inosuke. They were training their breaths and also, training with Kanao since the girl is really strong and Shinobu told her to train with the boys.

And now, the trio was at the garden; training once again and you can hear Tanjiro and Zenitsu's voice cheering Inosuke. You let out a light chuckle since they were really psyched about it and they're doing their best to train hard.

While you were hanging the blankets, you suddenly heard footsteps coming towards your way, hence, you snapped your head to look at the person and only saw Kanao walking with her usual straight face.

"Oh, hey Kanao! You done training with Tanjiro?" You questioned.

Kanao stared at you for a moment before nodding her head. You give her a grin and takes a blanket on the basket to hang it.

"So, did Tanjiro succeed?" You once again asked.

Kanao didn't respond right away and just remained quiet. You didn't impose any further and simply smiled at her since you already knew that Tanjiro beat Kanao from their training session. Although you're completely aware that she's a strong tsuguko of Shinobu, Tanjiro's resolution wouldn't waver and he won't give up until he succeeds.

You knew Kanao being the silent girl and won't talk if she wasn't ordered by Shinobu. But when it comes to you, she will gladly speak even if Shinobu didn't order her around. Simply because she's comfortable around you and you would often hang out together if you have your day off. Although Kanao would only answer for a moment, it really made you happy and honoured due to the fact that she won't speak unless she was being told. Moreover, she's difficult to interact with but you didn't mind, of course, for some others, it will be hard for them since Kanao isn't the girl who would immediately answer but instead stare at you for long as if it's a staring contest.

"(Name)..."

Kanao's soft voice surprised you a bit and was about to turn your body to face her but paused when you suddenly felt her arms around your waist. You felt her body pressed against your back and Kanao nuzzled her face into your back.

It definitely caught you off guard and blood rushed to your face since this is the first time Kanao being so affectionate all of a sudden.

This new action of her was astounding!

"K-Kanao, what are you doing?" You stuttered.

The said girl just hummed and say, "Can we stay like this for a while?"

This causes your jaw to hang open and look over your shoulder to eye the girl. Your heart feels warm and it seems like a knot was forming in your stomach. You couldn't control yourself to not blush because of how close you are with Kanao, your heart was also abnormally pulsating inside your ribcage as if you just ran a marathon.

Kanao's warmth was transferring to you and you never felt so comfortable in your life. In spite of being flustered, you set it aside and let the tsuguko hugged you since this is her first request to you. So why break her self-indulgence for once? Moreover, Kanao is so irresistible for your own good.

You sealed your mouth and tug the corner of your lips, "As you wish, Kanao."

Tanjiro Kamado

You're done washing the plates with Aoi and the three girls: Sumi, Naho and Kiyo. Zenitsu and Inosuke headed back to their rooms since they wanted to take a rest after the hellish training regimen that Shinobu had given them. As you were about to go to your respective room, you saw your boyfriend Tanjiro walking towards the other route of the estate where Nezuko's room was located at.

You already knew that Tanjiro is going to visit his little sister again since every time before he goes to bed, he'd go to Nezuko's room and tell her about how his day went. Since you want to visit Nezuko as well and know if she's perfectly well, you also went towards her room.

The door was slightly open and you can perfectly see Tanjiro's back facing you with Nezuko laying on the bed. It's been 2 minutes since you've been peeking inside and your boyfriend was still standing, not saying a single word. You decided to knock but Tanjiro's voice suspended you from doing so.

"You can come in, (Name), I know you're there."

You startled upon hearing your name being mentioned by him, you forgot that Tanjiro has a keen sense of smell so it's not that difficult for him to distinguish someone's scent especially since he perfectly knew what your fragrance is. The burgundy haired boy turned his body to face you and smiled upon seeing you outside the room. You begrudgingly nodded and stepped inside his little sister's room while intertwining your hands. The room was dim and only the moonlight from the window is your guide through the darkness.

You stay beside Tanjiro who's looking at his sister with tenderness and care. His smile was small yet it holds sincerity. You're fully aware that your boyfriend really cares about Nezuko and the reason why he became a demon hunter is to find a cure that will make his little sister return to being a human once again.

Of course, you will support him with all your heart and you decided that you're going to help him bring his little sister back.

The atmosphere was really quiet and you both only stared at Nezuko peacefully sleeping. You take a side glance at Tanjiro, only to see him already staring at you.

"(Name), can I ask a favour?" Tanjiro's voice was mellow and full of tenderness. Your heart skipped a beat upon witnessing his eyes are full of love and passion.

"What is it?"

"Can I hug you?"

Tanjiro's request made your eyes go wide and blink a few times. You process the words he just spouted and eventually, you let out a deep breath and beamed at him.

"Of course you can, you dummy," you flicked his forehead causing Tanjiro to wince.

"That hurts, (Name)," Tanjiro pouted to which you couldn't help but squeal internally because of how cute he looked at. Tanjiro is so adorable, you couldn't contain yourself not to always screech every time he's being the cute cinnamon roll he is.

"You're so cute, Tanjiro! Here, you can hug me all you want!"

You spread your arms and your boyfriend merely chuckled at your cute attempt. He didn't hesitate to spread his arms as well and engulf you with a tight embrace. Tanjiro's hugs were really warm and it gives you the security that you need.

Every time you will hug the burgundy haired boy, your heart would invariably thump for him and make you feel at ease. It seemed like your worries would dissolve and forget the problems you had and responsibilities for a moment.

That's how Tanjiro's effect on you. He's your ray of sunshine to which every time you'd see him smile, it felt like the world was being colourful and bright in your eyes. You really love this boy so much, he's so precious.

Tanjiro buried his face into the crook of your neck and felt that his hug on you tighten.

"I love you so much, (Name). Please stay with me forever..."

You couldn't repress the wide smile appearing on your face. "I love you too, Tanjiro, and I will stay with you always."

Zenitsu Agatsuma

You were at the garden of Shinobu's estate as your boyfriend and his two friends were sent on a mission. You chuckled upon remembering how cowardly Zenitsu is and he doesn't want to confront any demons because he deemed himself as weak. But for you, Zenitsu is a strong guy, he's just too blind to see what his aptitudes are. Although the pinata head was a coward, he's trying his best to become strong and that's how you started to admire the boy.

Zenitsu likes to complain a lot and he's a crackhead which you couldn't help but always laugh because of his expressions and retaliation.

At first, you hated his guts because he was incessantly pestering you and following you all day. He even called you by your first name and added "chan" in it. You tried your best to avoid the thunder breath user due to how much he's making you uncomfortable. His eyes would turn into a heart shape every time he would lay his eyes on you and he'll start chasing after you.

However, that was only the beginning. When you suddenly passed their room, you heard Zenitsu's voice inside talking to his sparrow. You heard about his ravings admitting to himself that he's not as strong as Tanjiro and he's not as brave as Inosuke. Even if he's a coward and would cower in fear, he's doing his best to reach the two and he doesn't want to back down either.

After hearing his confession, that's when you started to treat him better, not like before where you would avoid him and be cold towards him. His confession really touched you and you felt pity to him for that.

That's when your friendship also began to blossom, and you concluded that Zenitsu isn't as bad as what you think he is. He's actually humorous and fun to be with, although he would sweetly call your name, you just let him be and sometimes you'd scold him for being reckless and always lamenting.

As time passed by, you realized that you harboured romantic feelings for the blonde boy and you couldn't believe that you had fallen for him. Moreover, you certainly didn't expect that you would be the first one who confessed!

It really diminished your pride and also, that made Zenitsu mad for confessing to him first and you beat him to it. He said he looked really uncool because he should be the first one who'll confess not you. But either way, you're both happy knowing the fact that you have mutual feelings. You have no idea how Zenitsu felt so ecstatic and it seemed like he was brought to the utopia of happiness.

He didn't like you just because you're beautiful and heavenly but actually, he likes how hardworking you are and a nice person. Although you're sarcastic most of the time and tend to say gruff words, you're still the compassionate girl that he'd still known. Yes, he would admit that he had tons of crushes before, however when he met you... it's much deeper than that. He actually fell for you deeply and the first time he felt sincere love.

"(NAME)-CHAN! I MISSED YOU!"

The screeching voice of your boyfriend interrupted you from watering the plants and whipped your head to gaze at Zenitsu running towards you while his arms are wide open.

Before he can even hug you, you stepped aside, causing Zenitsu to pass you and slam himself against the tree. You closed your eyes since you actually felt the pain that your boyfriend got.

"That hurt! Why did you dodge, (Name)-chan?!" He yelled while soothing his face. You on the other hand just sighed and crossed your arms.

"I don't want to fall because of your hug, Zenitsu." You answered.

"But you already fell for me."

His answer caught you off guard and you feel your face flame up because of his smooth reply. Sometimes, you couldn't get used to Zenitsu's sweetness and still embarrassed about it. But either way, you loved it whenever he shows his affection to you.

"S-Stop saying that!" You retort and turned your head to the side to hide your blushing face.

Zenitsu just stared at you and afterwards, his lips curled upwards and he walked closer to you.

"Ahh! You're so cute when you're embarrassed, (Name)-chan!"

Suddenly, Zenitsu threw his arms around you while brushing his cheek against yours. You're struggling to break free from his grasps but... seeing him happy for once and he just came back from his mission, perfectly well, you couldn't help but let him do whatever he wants. Furthermore, you hate to admit it but you really missed this loud boy.

Instinctively, you snake your arms around Zenitsu's torso and bury your face into the crook of his neck. The thunder breath user paused from his movements and lowered down his gaze to see you hugging him as well.

"I'm glad you're perfectly fine," your mellow voice rang in his ears to which his heart melted at how sweet your voice was. Especially, you're not the kind of person who would often show affections just like him since he knew how shy you can get by doing it.

That's why Zenitsu just hummed and kissed the top of your head while stroking your back.

"I missed you, (Name)-chan... I love you."

Your heart leapt inside your ribcage as you heard how soft his voice was. It's not the standard loud voice you always hear whenever he and Inosuke would argue. Zenitsu being serious is really rare and... hot.

"I love you too, Zenitsu..."

BONUS:

Sabito

Sitting on your knees while stitching your favourite haori, you were waiting for your boyfriend's arrival from his mission. It's been three days since he left and you're inside your shared home waiting patiently for him. You're not a demon hunter like him and you're just a plain doctor in the butterfly estate, helping Shinobu concoct some medicines and treat all the injured demon hunters.

Although you're aware of Sabito being a formidable demon hunter and his strong abilities, you couldn't deny that you're always disturbed about his wellbeing. His profession is absolutely life-threatening, especially that there are also strong demons like the twelve demon moons existing in your country. Pillars are indeed strong but... you couldn't help but feel anxious about them travelling in a certain place where demons kill a bunch of innocent lives.

You only sighed in exasperation and sew your favourite haori. It's also been three days since you've been feeling restless because your mind would always drift to Sabito on how he was in every second that ticked. You're always wondering if he's doing well and if he's eating regularly. You couldn't control yourself from not perceiving a worst scenario that will befall to Sabito.

Being a person who likes to overthink things, it's really the worst. It feels like you're going to have a heart attack soon due to the adverse thoughts you're always picturing inside your head. In spite of Sabito always reassuring you that he won't die and he'll come home without harming himself, it still didn't lessen your anxiety. It's not that you don't trust your boyfriend, you knew he's strong but you're just concerned for him. You love him with all your heart and losing him is your biggest fear.

While you were sewing your haori, you suddenly feel arms enveloping your waist which startled you and you hastily craned your neck, only to find Sabito smiling at you warmly and giving you a back hug.

"S-Sabito?! H-How--"

"You didn't notice me coming inside because you're too engrossed thinking about me again, aren't you?" Sabito mused which causes you to blush and bite your lower lip.

"I'm just worried about you... is all..."

Sabito's smile dropped and scrutinized your face. He already knew to what you were thinking since every time he would go on his missions, you would always have this worried expression plastered on your face. Moreover, whenever he would return, you would embrace him ever so tightly as if you won't let go of him.

Sabito sighed and just let himself engulf you with a hug. "You overthink too much, (Name). I told you I'm going to be fine."

"I know that! I just couldn't stop thinking about your wellbeing because every time I would see the patients in the butterfly estate being all beat up... I couldn't help but also envision you in that kind of state as well..."

Your hold on your haori squeezing it as you purse your lips into a thin line. Your vision was starting to get blurry but you control the tears that were threatening to fall. It's hard having a lover whose profession is being a demon hunter since it's really a dangerous job.

You told yourself that you're not going to love a demon hunter since you knew how it would be painful when your significant other die in his mission, but it was inevitable for you. It was inescapable for you not to admire them especially Sabito because he's too compelling and interesting. He has this charms that would automatically lure you to him. Sabito is so alluring that's why you couldn't help but fall in love with the peach haired boy. He also has this good looks that added to his charms.

"(Name)," Sabito calls your name to which you immediately craned your neck to look at him.

However, your boyfriend swiftly holds your cheeks and pulled your face to him. Your eyes flutter open when Sabito presses his lips against yours, he tilts his head to deepen the kiss which immediately drowned you and instinctively you coiled your arms around his neck.

A minute had passed and Sabito drew his face away from you. You open your eyes only to see your boyfriend smiling faintly at you and rests his forehead against yours.

"I know I already told you this for a thousand times but I just wanna say it to you once again." Sabito wrapped his arms around your waist. "I won't die and I assure you that, (Name). I don't want you to live in a dangerous world, so as long as I'm alive, I will protect you at all costs. I love you, please remember that."

Your lips quivered and merely stared at him with wavering gaze, you feel your eyes sting and let the tears flow when you closed your eyes.

"I love you as well, Sabito... I love you so much."

Both of you embraced each other as if you won't let go in between each other arms.

You love this man so much.

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