#i will explode when any kind of promo or trailer drops

[acianoh]

Filming for S2 wrapped!! Cannot wait to see these two making heart eyes at each other again.

[95jezzica]

Reviewing Ducktales

Now when the last episode of Ducktales 2017 (also sometimes called the reboot in the review) has been out for a few weeks I think it’s fair game to write a longer review of what I thought about it. 

[ Fair warning! ]   - Everything above the ‘Read Me’ is what I would call Spoiler Free. - Everything AFTER the ‘Read Me’ contain spoilers up to the Big Finale of season 3 and the show. - This... Accidentally became fairly long review. x)  

Now, let’s begin! 

Like its’ predecessor from 87 the show Ducktales 2017 is a show mainly focusing on family and adventures, and it’s a fun reboot with daily adventures which can usually be watched by themselves without too much trouble, at the same time as they stay connected over the season(s). 

I enjoyed it, and I love that they got to use some characters that hasn’t been used a lot in earlier animated works about the Duck families. Since it’s a show aimed towards (assumingly) younger children it’s also understandable the focus mainly lay on the Duck-kids, but it’s also a great show for us older folks and adults. (Hey, I’m Swedish. Frankly put, me NOT watching something Donald Duck related would be a bigger cause for worry than me as an adult watching it.) This is simply a show you can watch with the whole family. 

However, as someone who watched the show as it aired, it was definitely hit by Disney’s weird airing schedules, and I honestly think that’s what might have hurt Ducktales the most. The changing of channels it aired on and WHEN it aired would have had a major negative impact on it and on people trying to follow, especially when Disney also decided to mess with the airing ORDER of the episodes. It doesn’t take much logic to say it made it much more difficult for Ducktales to keep their audience in the long run - especially when Disney sometimes dropped parts of a season at once and then gave no updates for months. 

This isn’t as much of a problem now when all the episodes are already out, but I would still highly recommend looking up the correct watching order from one of the crew members, such as Frank. ( @suspendersofdisbelief​ on Tumblr.)  Because to be honest I’m still not sure Disney has fixed the episode order.

Now, 

Three (3) short things I didn’t enjoy as much in Ducktales 2017: - The implications some of the info within the Ducktales universe gave us. I recognize most of this info were just meant for a gag/laugh and that we were likely not meant to think too deeply about it, but at the same time I dislike some of the implications this info left. 

- Major changes to some of our well-beloved characters, which sometimes almost made them feel like completely new characters rather than different takes on them. 

- At times misleading trailers, promos and/or previews, making some characters seem like they would play a bigger role in the show than what’s planned. *(cough - Donald Duck - cough.) Please note this would be on Disney’s marketing team, though, and not on the writers or the crew.

. 

Seven (7) short favorite things in Ducktales 2017: 

- Huey, Dewey & Louie being given more distinct personalities. They’re not major differences/changes in the sense that the changes overrides their already established characters in other works, but rather adds to them. 

- Webby. ♥  She’s very different from the old Ducktales, but while I still think she might have worked better as a new/her own character rather than ‘Webby’, I also really adore her as a character. ♥ 

- Creative use of existing characters in the Duck-universe which hasn’t been used as much before.

- Fun adventures with plot hints sometimes hidden in plain view and other times exploding straight in your face. 

- LGBTQA+ representation. I don’t doubt Disney made it difficult for the crew to add it, so I’m happy the crew was still able to get through some. 

- Clever references to comics, previous Ducktales and other Disney work.��

- The animation. Simply BEAUTIFUL. The art-style took a little while to get used to, but the animation look absolutely amazing. 

. 

All together Ducktales 2017 is a fun show and is absolutely worth a watch if you want a fun show focused on adventures on family! Just keep in mind that Ducktales, despite being enjoyable for all ages, is still ultimately aimed towards children. 

. Now: 

> [Click on ‘Read More’ if you want to read the part with Spoilers! ] < 

The following part include spoilers up to the big Finale of Ducktales. Read at your own risk. 

As briefly touched on earlier a few of the characters had some major changes to their personalites and/or appearances compared to the comics and/or the previous Ducktales. Some work better (like Fenton & Darkwing) than others (Gyro & Glomgold). The majority of the time I personally I didn’t have any issues with their personalities and appearance - I love them - but ultimately I also think some would have worked better as new and original characters rather than very different takes on well-beloved characters. 

Let’s take Gyro as an example. I love him as a character - but he isn’t read as Gyro to me in the rebooted Ducktales. He feels like a completely different person, vaguely looking like Gyro. A great character, but not Gyro. Another example would be the reboot’s Webby. I adore her, and I think she was a great addition, but she doesn’t read as Webby to me. In the end it’s not something deal-breaking to me though, and if you stick around you eventually get used to it. I had more issues with the implications of some of the gags we got, such as: 

- No one - not even Huey, Dewey and Louie - understanding what Donald says (later with the exception of Daisy), which in-universe at best is a cruel joke to make so often and at worst just ridiculous that not even the triplets would understand the one who has raised and taken care of them from when they were eggs. Verbal communication isn’t everything, and eventually you just... learn a person’s language - spoken or otherwise. Della is Donald’s twin and Scrooge supposedly at least partly raised Donald and Della in the Ducktales reboot - so a similar case can be argued about them as well.  

- A show focusing on family had Scrooge and Donald leave Fethry all alone down in the ocean for implied 4,5+ years with no visits because he was weird/annoying. You could argue that Fethry technically isn’t related to Scrooge, but that still leaves Donald and Gladstone. 

- Donald’s treatment in general, honestly. He does NOT need more episodes, but Donald’s few appearances in the old DT87 worked better since he was placed in the Marine. This explained in-universe why Donald wasn’t with the kids. He left and trusted them with Scrooge, thus making Scrooge their temporary guardian/main caretaker while Donald was gone. The reboot doesn’t really give us an in-universe reason why Donald is left out from so many adventures though - and you would think he would at least have been there more during s01 before he knew the kids could handle themselves. Especially when you consider how overprotective Donald was before their adventure to Atlantis. Things like that doesn’t go away quickly, and thus Donald’s reaction during the Shadow War when the kids “disobeyed” him, while epic, didn’t feel properly built up. 

Donald is (or at least was before Della came back) also supposedly still the triplets’ guardian in the reboot - not Scrooge - and yet Scrooge repeatedly went on various adventures with the kids behind Donald’s back and often treated Donald’s many valid concerns as wrong/annoying or even jokes. Hell, in season 01 Scrooge even took the kids on a dangerous adventure to Mount Neverrest during Christmas, and we don’t even get to hear a mention of where Donald is at the time. In-universe the show, intentionally or not, almost always treats Scrooge as being in the right. Donald supposedly has no reason to worry, despite how Donald has learnt from past experience that he HAS plenty of reasons to worry. 

In the meantime we are left to assume Donald either just stayed at the houseboat or got something else to do during most of the adventures, as if Scrooge hasn’t learnt anything from Della’s 10+ years disappearance. Scrooge repeatedly going behind Donald’s back both in the past and present, while probably unintentionally, is portrayed as okay - because no real consequenses are shown. Scrooge’s and Donald’s 10+ year old fight is solved(?) somewhere off screen, and everything else seems to be forgiven. Their 10+ years fight isn’t really brought up again after the first episodes either, and based solely on the episodes I’m not sure Della even knows Donald raised the kids by himself, without Scrooge. At the very least it’s not discussed in the episodes. 

- Webby being Scrooge’s clone, and only because of that being able to call forth the Papyrus. Honestly? Might be a nitpick, but I feel it would have been more meaningful if Webby wasn’t connected to Scrooge by blood. She could have been his truthful heir in a more spiritful sense, even if she still turned out to be a clone. (Though I have to admit part of me still thinks it’s hilarious Webby techncially being Scrooge’s daughter also makes her Della’s and Donald’s cousin, so at least there’s that.) x) 

.

All together I still greatly enjoyed the rebooted Ducktales, and I also understand hindsight is 20/20. I very much doubt the writers intended most of the mentioned or unmentioned implications anyway, and despite some of the show’s issues it’s still a fun and great show about family and adventures. Ducktales 2017 also has an art-style with it’s own wonderful personality, and the animation is simply amazing. 

We got to see plently of characters from the Duck-universe which aren’t used a lot in animated works (such as Gladstone, Fethry, the McDucks and the Caballeros) and cameos from various other shows as well (like as Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers, Darkwing Duck and Tailspin). 

The biggest theme is family, and there are many different kinds of families in the reboot. To be honest I’m surprised Beakley, Scrooge or even Donald didn’t adopt Lena, but I’m also happy Lena got two wonderful dads and a sister (two sisters with Webby) after finally breaking free from Magica. There’s all kind of families in the reboot - found, built, befriended, adopted, biological and even lost familiy - and while things can go bad for a while (or even for 10+ years) things are usually solvable as long as you’re not alone and can work together. 

Because after all, Family is the Biggest Adventure of All, and with that said I look forward to see whatever shows the crew might work on the future, and/or future shows in general with all of our favorite ducks. 

//Jezzica. 

[happymetalgirl]

Rammstein - untitled

As soon as it was confirmed for 2019, Rammstein’s seventh studio album was always going to be one of the biggest metal releases of the year, if not the biggest, and it was actually nice to see the band use that to their advantage and give the album a worthily ceremonial roll-out. The promotion alone was a welcome return to times when big artists generally put more effort into their album promo cycles. I get that it got a little overdone in its time, and I get that not every artist has at their disposal the means to give their upcoming records the kind of red carpet treatment that Rammstein has given theirs. And sudden/short-notice, unprecedented album drops have been a cool way for artists to show their confidence in their work and reputation to build their own hype on exactly that suddenness. But in a day and age where sudden project releases carry much less surprise factor now and seem more to be symptomatic of short attention spans and capitalizing on a trend, Rammstein's more magnificent promotional phase for their first album in a decade was a nice change of pace, for me at least. From the incrementally released trailers and teasers for each song, the big broadcast of the single "Radio", to cryptic early social media messages and the delay of the very reveal of the title (or lack thereof) and cover art, Rammstein did a lot to take advantage of their ability to give their album a more committed old-school promotion when few else were doing so. Whereas the once brave, sudden nonchalant album drop has now grown dejected and taken on a possibility to be interpreted as nervousness to hype what might not live up to such hype (it can't disappoint and not live up to the hype if you don't give it any hype), a big roll-out like this has once again become a real sign of confidence in one's work, and based on their seventh album’s roll-out, Rammstein knew they had put together a hell of a comeback album. And that became incredibly clear as soon as the band released their most monumental combined visual and auditory statement to date with the music video for the first single and opening track "Deutschland".

The song itself is a sobering, grand, sorrowfully heart-wrenching cry for the band's homeland and its long, tumultuous struggle to overcome its infamously dark history. It's the kind of tough, honest, and well-timed critical look that I must give Rammstein respect for making, and the huge production and ambitious concept of the music video directed by Specter Berlin do justice to both the song and its uneasy (to say the least) subject matter. It's the kind of biting commentary that the video for Childish Gambino's "This Is America" was so revered for last year, though I honestly think that the Childish Gambino song itself has been largely overrated outside the context of the video and that "Deutschland" is an even more fearlessly convicting song and its video and even more artistically accomplished national critique (as it should have with its evidently bigger budget). But to get into the song itself since it’s on topic, “Deutschland” is a conflicted cry for the band’s homeland and the aftermath of its darkest days it is still struggling to overcome. The lyrics highlight Germany’s pride in its achievements and its unyielding ambition, but how that pride and ambition has been twisted into a kind of malignant narcissism to produce some of history’s most despicable atrocities (with the band not at all coy about the history they bring up, with the reference to Übermensch and the former national anthem line “Deutschland Deutschland über allen”). The instrumental of the song is dynamic and rides in tune with the lyrics’ heaviness perfectly all the way through, and the resounding bellow of the chant, “Deutschland”, provides the burst of sonic and poetic intensity that makes the song such a standout track. And the sorrow and sincere wish to love this complicated and slowly healing Germany is conveyed magnificently in Till Lindemann’s subtly heart-wrenching vocal performance. If it’s not already obvious from the preceding verbiage in this paragraph, “Deutschland” is undoubtedly going to be near or at the top of my song list at the end of this year.

Moving on from my favorite song of 2019 so far, the second single and second track on the album, “Radio”, which had a similarly big release, is possibly the catchiest song on the album with its groovy guitar riff, its keyboard sprinkling on top, and its fittingly infectious chorus. The song is another example of what I think is one of Rammstein’s most overlooked traits, and that is Till Lindemann’s lyricism. The song deals with an escape from life and a finding of pleasure through radio, as is pretty apparent by the title. The lyrics carry a good deal of sexual overtones, and though the line translates to putting one’s ear up to hear the radio, I’m pretty sure Lindemann chose the wording of “Mein Ohr ganz nah am” to resemble “my orgasm”. To possibly look way too deep into this and link it to German history, the band members grew up in the part of Berlin in East Germany, which was basically an impoverished hell hole under Soviet rule, and the band have expressed before their frustration with the forced insulation of the old regime. The radio referred to in the song is specified to be one the picks up international broadcasts, the wonders of which I imagine Rammstein and other Berliners in East Germany were depply inspired by and longed desperately to get any taste they could of (which the voracious appetite the women had for the radios in the music video and the revolt it led to supports).

Third in the track listing is the song “Zeig Dich”(meaning “Show Yourself), whose orthodoxical introductory chant opens the heavy quick-rhythm-driven guitar riff base of the song and its religious critique excellently. The quick calling cards the lyrics bring up to identify the subject of the song as the Christian church aren’t really much more than that, but the fact that the invocation of child abuse and the forbidding of contraception immediately brings to mind an organization meant to promote moral, Godly living is reflective of so many things wrong with the church. But the song seems to be a flustered insistence for the church to reveal its true and conflicting intentions: for its own sustenance through its authority over its followers and their passing down and around of the doctrine. The poetic technique is audibly impressive, but lost in translation, as the verses are loaded with mantras all tagged with the prefix “ver-”, which doesn’t really have an English equivalent, but serves to make more extremein some way the verbs being modified, which could be interpreted quite a few ways in the context of the song’s religious critique.

The fourth track, “Ausländer”, was a bit off-putting to me at first for its dancy beat and pitch-shifted backing vocal sample, but its lighter attitude compared to the surrounding tracks was probably a good move by the band and its cheeky fun has helped it grow on me a bit. The song is a kind of comedic suggestion to travelers to learn to speak native languages because the opposite gender loves to hear a foreigner speak their tongue, with Lindemann dropping all these overly dramatic romantic pleas in Spanish, French, and Russian. It’s kind of tongue-in-cheek, but the concept of cultures mingling and the language through which it happens is certainly something that could be read into even deeper here, but I feel I might be getting in too deep to this album’s lyrics as it is. Fun song! It strikes me as this album’s “Haifisch”.

The sixth song is called “Sex”, and it is one of those universally understood words that needs no translation. Rammstein have never been shy about putting all the raunchiest and most intentionally provocative aspects of the universal pleasure into song (Till Lindemann’s 2015 solo album also was largely about his many sexual fantasies and aspirations). But on this song, Rammstein finally tackle the queasy feelings of rising sexual attraction and the intense urge to bask in its pleasure with another. The lyrics come off, not so much as creepy or filthy, but rather as profoundly horny (a phrase I never thought I’d type, but here we are), with Lindemann singing “Wir leben bei sex”, which means “we live during sex”, which could be interpreted as an ode to the pleasure of the act of reproduction. The boisterous vocal delivery of the titular refrain gives the already heavy, groovy, and provocative song a different primal energy, and it makes the desire spoken of in the lyrics evident and real. And speaking of powerfully primal vocal performances...

The song “Puppe” has justifiably gained a lot of attention for Till Lindemann’s scathingly rough and chillingly tortured vocal delivery in its second half, which was the first thing that caught my ear too when I gave this album its first spin. Delving into the lyrics the song reveals itself to be about a child who is kept comforted (or even medicated to a degree) by a doll while this child’s sister goes off to work, which is revealed to be only in the neighboring room and is likely to be prostitution. The song eventually reveals that the child finds the sister dead at the hands of an assailant during her work, driving the child to bite the head off the doll, which could have a variety of interpretations regarding this already unhinged character’s stability, killing the assailant, destroying the comforting object and thus shedding all childhood innocence completely at the sight of such trauma, or simply a deranged, destructive breakdown. Personally, I think the lyrics suggest that the child rips the doll’s head off in an act of traumatic realization of the world’s cruelty and a refusal to accept being sheltered from it, with whatever actions following being very up in the air. Either way, how the band builds up the the climax of the child biting the head of the doll off and explodes into vibrant heaviness provides the perfect backing for Lindemann to play this character phenomenally.

The soulful metallic ballad “Was ich Liebe” is probably the most flat-out depressing song on the album, and despite the simplicity of its lyrics, its conflict with its speaker wanting to love but also feeling that doing so is futile and that all pleasure is fleeting is well expressed, and an interestingly stark contrast to “Sex”, wherein the raw, physical lust brings about divine, life-affirming pleasure and whereas “Was ich Liebe” details perhaps the comedown from the high of sexual fulfillment to a life viewed through the most hopeless lens in which all pleasure eventually rots and everything loved dies. The song itself doesn’t actually reference sex at all, but it is perhaps its very absence and the vagueness concepts the speaker laments over that suggest that perhaps the speaker doesn’t even know how to find the lasting forms of love sought through sex. Then again, I could just be reading into Rammstein’s trend of often writing about sex. Sonically it provides a break from all the extreme energy leading up to it,which is nice in the track listing, but the woeful lamentation makes it come off as a bit overly dramatic. Given the whiny, defeatist subject matter though, perhaps that was intentional.

The very next song, “Diamant”, is an even more stripped back acoustic breather track supplemented with weeping vibratto strings for an intentionally melodramatic effect. It's a somber love song in which Lindemann compares his allure to a beautiful person to that of a diamond, struggling with an infatuation that he knows is soul-sucking and something he should avoid, concluding his comparison of this beautiful person to the beautiful jewel in dejection, saying it’s only a stone.

The song “Weit Weg” is probably the album's low point both lyrically and musically, being a less tangibly performed song of unfulfilled longing for a far away woman with some juxtaposition between feeling close, but oh so far away too, which Lindemann has written about before much more convincingly. And the somewhat slow pace and minimal energy of the whole band's performance kind of just makes it drag on. It's not the worst song, but by Rammstein's standards and this album's standards, it's only distinction from the other songs on the album is its lack of much melodic or lyrical distinction.

“Tattoo” thankfully brings back the energy of the band's signature industrial metal groove for the album's last minutes. It definitely hearkens back to Reise Reise musically, and it's a fine offering of their more groovy old-school style. The song is about the literal act of tattooing a lover's name and contemplating the pain and permanence of it all to express the significance of their love in the speaker's life, ending on the somewhat tongue-in-cheek contemplation that if they ever split up, then the speaker will have to find someone else with the same name. Lyrically, it's very direct, but also colorful and a fresh angle for this topic.

The album closes on perhaps the most haunting and unsettling note (rivaled only by "Puppe") with “Halloman”, a song about the luring of a young girl by the titular "Hallomann" (who is suggested to be part of the Catholic church when the girl is revealed to be dancing while wearing a rosary) into a life of sexual servitude. It's a disturbing and genuinely mournful song, and the band handles the seriousness of the subject matter well both lyrically and musically with the pleading sorrow in Till Lindemann's performance conveying the gravity of the all too common story of childhood stolen and butchered by depraved opportunists who prey upon the vulnerable. I'm glad Tue band saved this song for the end because I can't imagine its eerie realism anywhere else in the track listing. It's an incredibly emotive, but chilling finish to the album, and it does a fantastic job bowing out for the album.

And that's it; that's Rammstein's long-awaited seventh studio album. In many ways it is Rammstein simply getting back on track after their long creative break after Liebe ist für alle da, but it does also feel like a well-rounded set of songs that take a lot from the band's whole career, and the songs do mostly seem very well nurtured. And while this album probably didn't need ten years to make, I'm certainly glad it's here now and I hope it helps Rammstein get back into a more consistent creative cycle. If there’s one thing that dampens the album’s experience, it’s perhaps the decrease in energy and the reversion to some of the band’s more typical tendencies without supplementation during the second half. But the brightest moments on the album definitely outweigh the duller ones, and the dynamic excitement of the album's experience certainly stems from Rammstein smartly placing their confidence in the progress they had made with their sound rather than trying to make a disingenuous rehash of Sehnsucht or Mutter alone (though the elements they bring in from those albums do serve to bolster this one). And through it all, Rammstein stays true to the focus on tight, efficient composition that has made every album of theirs so engaging and digestible. I'm glad they're back.

Willkommen zurück/10

[fantasyizlife]

Need Help?

Need Help?

Summary: Tom and Jessa are nothing more than friends/co-workers. Even after a mutual agreement to leave a hot romance behind when they wrapped up the first Spider-man. Jessa and Tom are now on the set of Far From Home and they are anything but far from each other. This one-shot is a steamy game of promise that heats up into old flames exploding for each other.

Warnings: angst, cheating-ish and smut

Word count: 6340

Dear me,

(self journal entry due to extreme boredom and frustration. I need to work this out.)                                                                                                 

Being in the limelight was never easy. Making real friends was close to impossible due to the back stabbing so many did just get ahead of you or literally destroy you. Love? Forget about it! As soon as you were spotted with a person, you were immediately labeled and judged, either loved or hated by each others so called fandoms, just for being seen together! Yeah yeah, the rich and famous ask for the spotlight, we are supposed to bow down for our fans right? After all, they are who make or break us! I mean I love my fans, most famous people do. But at what point do they draw a line for themselves? Why are we on Instagram apologizing for being unable to leave our hotel room due to the massive crowds that have become unsafe for us but mainely them? Sorry for my rant, I’m just in my own head trying to sort shit out as I’m dealing with a girly issue and no one to talk to about it because my bff is locked in my ex’s-yet still friends trailer on the streets of New York and due to the crowds lined around the block none of us are going anywhere.

That includes my new almost-boyfriend? He was going to fly in tonight and spend some of my tomorrow off with me. But with crazy fans for blocks, he would be spotted and yet another clue for our fandoms would be dropped and they already had us together, despite our constant denial and countless “just friends” comments. So he opted to stay in Vegas until his next performance that was only in three days. I mean we've been dating for a few months but he refuses to go deeper or past second base, we made it to third base once, but it was a weak moment on his part, (so he said after he stopped us midaction). He says he’s waiting for me to be ready. I didn’t understand until he told me bluntly one night after an award show that we attended an after party with friends including Tom that I had feelings for Tom. Like seriously? Tom? I didn’t even introduce him as an ex when they first met because Tom was a friend, it's all we are! The one and only friend that I had hooked up with a handful of times and hung out with while filming Spiderman, perhaps with a few private moments on the promo tour but we had let it drift apart mutually, as friends. Because while filming that movie, I had met a group of people and we all bonded, they were my age and we wanted to remain good friends, all kinds of relationships crumble in the Hollywood spotlight. Each of us made an effort, celebrating birthdays and holidays. Each of us hosting parties to make sure we could keep this bond alive. Being that I was an original Avenger I was at most of the panels and meet and greets, but nothing ever happened between Tom and me after HOCO. And nothing was happening now. Except the man I wanted/want to build a relationship with isn’t willing to share more of his heart or his body until he deems me safe to fall in love with, and I know he is ready! We women know, am I right?  

I’m on my second mini bottle of Sangria and the drunk me is starting to come out. I’m sitting alone in my room watching the crowd still hanging around the trailer with no end in sight. If I hadn't reserved this quiet space for me to spend some quality time with my...FUCK! What do I even call him? He’s not my boyfriend, but were exclusive to one another. Without a doubt I’m head over heels for him. He’s the perfect guy for me. A small part of me wonders if he’s just waiting for me to get this movie out of the way because my contract with Marvel is up after Avengers 4 and this sequel...wait is “Exclusive” jelly of Tom and me spending time together? NO! Possible? Sure! See this is why I need Zendaya! She can brainstorm with me and help me relax. But she’s trapped and I’m typing at a empty screen...fuck it, I’m going in. It’s that or make myself crazy sitting here trying to figure this out.

Note to self: Your drunk, this isn’t a good ideal but your testing out your bad ideals tonight!

I lock the laptop and call Z as I gather some night clothes, I’ll be lucky to make it inside let alone back out before morning. She answers on the second try as my elevator descends thirty floors. With bottles clinking in my overnight bag, I step into the lobby. I’m instantly blinded by cameras and bombarded with requests of autographs and pictures. Question about Mr. Exclusive and myself. I all but burst into tears and opt for buzzed induced laughter as I press the doors closed and hit my floor number. I had even forgotten she was on the phone.

“Jessa, what's going on? Are you okay?” she yells into the phone getting my attention.

“I just wanted to see you, I need you Z! Hell I just wanted to share my sangria and catch up.” I exhaled my breath as I opened the door to my lonely dark room lit by screen saver of Mr. Exclusives and mines face. I roll my eyes at it and go over to the window to look down at their trailer. I can hear Tom, Harry and Haz laughing, music playing and grown boys making silly bets.

“Wait did you say share sangria?” she laughed into the phone as I whined like a baby at the fun they were having together. “Bitch we are on the way up, that is if you have enough!” she giggled. “And wait, Jess what happened to you and..” I cut her off before I was sucked into misery again.

“I have plenty babes, and I‘m lonely, let’s just say flights are canceled and I need my friends.” She promised me they would be right up and after 30 minutes of fighting the crowd they were all at my door.

The room was filled with laughs, music and familiar warmth as I slowly sipped my fourth bottle. They had my mini bar drained and restocked twice. They were stuck without food or drinks because of the mob so this was paradise to them and they were mine. I heard my phone ringing and seen it was him so I went into the bedroom just to block some of the noise. I knew the second I answered he was buzzing too.

“Hey baby” he smiled so big from his hotel bed. HUH..and no shirt..FML! I smiled goofily at the screen as he called me out for being more than buzzed. I dropped to the bed and looked at him.

“Sounds like you have company?” he smiled so cute it made my heart swell.

“I do, I was really bummed by you not coming so everyone came to see me! Were playing truth or dare next, I swear were such kids at times, the cool kind for sure!” I smiled as he bit his lip. “Don’t do that baby, please don’t do that, especially not now.” I whimpered wishing he was here to kiss. He moaned into his pillow and peeked back up to me. His mood had changed slightly.

“I wouldn’t want to get you hot, not while you have company especially while he’s there.” I questioned him with my eyes and they went wide as I looked at who was in my room...Tom.

“Jess can you please call me when you go to bed, promise me no matter what time it is?” he asked looking kinda pissed. Holy crap, is he serious? He is jelly of Tom! I assured him I would call as we said goodbye.

“I’m sorry, I was just coming in here to tell you it was your turn luv.” Tom stood still and raised his arms in defense. His sweet smile made my tummy flip flop.

“No biggie Tom, he’s um..worried when I’m around you, it’s stupid.” I lied smelling his fucking cologne. I closed my eyes blowing out a breath trying to center my focus.

Tom leaned in so close his warm breath gave me goosebumps and my nipples betrayed me turning hard and aching for his expert touch. “Can’t imagine why Jessa.” he winked at me and left me to go join the others. I had to take a moment.  

I went back to my friends all sitting around the table and at the same time they yelled Jessa’s turn! Just like old times my mood was back on point

“I’m starting easy because I don’t know what tea was spilled while I was away so dare!” I smiled looking to see who’s turn it was. Tom leaned in.

“Smart girl” he said in a tone that made my nipples come alive again. I hid them by crossing my arms and shifting in my seat.

“I know better, truth can be more dangerous with this group, especially while drunk!”

“Dare it is!” Tom declared standing up grabbing my empty bottle “I spin this and you kiss whoever it lands on.” he winked setting it on the table. My eyes widen with fear.

“I..I..I can’t do that Tom, I’m in a..huh..” I couldn’t say the words, it just felt wrong.

“Relax darling, it will be a quick kiss on the cheek. Nothing more, no worries.” he smiled biting his lip hard. I swallowed nervously  as it spun round and round. I was way too nervous as it slowed down so I closed my eyes. Everyone but Tom cheered as it landed on Zendaya. I smirked as she laughed.

“Two can play this game Tom.” I whispered as I got on the table and crawled across it. She shook her head at me and held out her beautiful long arms. She even helped me off the table and onto her lap as she licked her lips brushing my hair away and blocking their view. The music was loud and it wrecked any chance of them hearing us, jokes on them.

“He won’t stop asking about you Jessa, he driving us all crazy.” she whispered tilting my neck for appearance reasons. “He wants to know if your with him and why he didn’t come?” she laughed.

“I want to know who told him I was with Tom in the first place, it wasn’t serious for us. Now it’s cock blocking me.” I frowned.

“Apparently serious enough for him to find out, to someone anyways.” she sighed telling me something I hadn’t thought about. Tom must have told him, who else? But why? I looked at him and she quickly pulled my face to hers kissing me on the lips to shut me up. The guys all laughed per usual as we shared a weird knowing look. She glanced behind me and in the windows reflection I could see Haz staring at us. My eyes bugged out as I mouthed NO WAY!

“Some fires never die doll, we've been creeping all week, and I call dibs on the spare bedroom.” My mouth dropped open as she tapped my ass lightly and told me to move.

I got up looking blown away, but happy for her and him. And now it was my turn and Tom was my target. I sat across from him and asked him truth or dare. I raised my eyebrow for him to challenge me.

“Truth, darling, always truth for you pretty girl.” he cooed making my face heat up at my very personal nickname he only called me when we were intimate.

“Did you tell a certain someone about us Tommy?” I cooed his nickname back making him slightly uncomfortable. His brown eyes closed as he pulled back his long loose brown curls. Then he bit his lip to hide his victory smile before I could rephrase it to my advantage.

“Yes darling, I did tell a certain someone about us, in fact I don’t think I ever stopped, right Haz?”

I got up from the table knowing he won fair and square. I was too drunk to focus on all this.

We popped in a scary movie and all settled in the small living room between bedrooms to watch it. Not even halfway in Harry was falling asleep. Tom told him to go to the second bedroom so we could have more room. Zendaya hit my leg that was draped over hers calling me into action.

“No Harry, take my room, it’s yours and Tom's tonight, your my guest!” I smiled at her.

He shrugged sleepily and headed to bed, not noticing the hell no mood Tom was now sporting. It took Zendaya and Haz ten minutes to depart into the second bedroom. I stretched out on the couch with plenty of room for only two people.  My body froze as I felt Tom move underneath my blanket and shift himself behind me. I closed my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me in a cuddly way. I prayed for the strength to tell him to move back to his side. That strength never came. In fact I pressed my soft body more into his hard one as he kissed my hair and nuzzled my neck. I'm only human, I needed some TLC and this was platonic right? So it was okay, right? I blocked the truth that screamed at me as he squeezed me tighter. Before I knew it the movie was rolling credits and neither one of us were moving for fear of breaking the unspoken agreement. We just needed basic human contact. We weren't wrong for that. Right? I started to close my eyes as his breathing grew heavy in a sleeping rhythm.

I was pulled back to reality as my phone started to ring loudly in the quiet living room. I reached for it underneath the covers finding something harder between Tom's powerful thighs instead. He moaned in response as he handed me my glowing screen filled with a beautiful face. My heart was in my throat as I realized I was supposed to call him before bed and he was probably pacing his hotel room by now. I sat up, my eyes pleading Tom's sleepy eyes to give me privacy and he did without protest as he slipped inside my room and closed the door. I answered his second call on the first ring.

“Hi babe, I'm sorry I didn't call you, we watched a movie and I fell asleep on the couch.” I pouted as his worried brows pinched together even more.

“I can see that Jessa.” he smiled to my relief. “Did they leave you alone all by your beautiful sexy self?” he asked biting his lip giving me that look that said he was in a playful phone sex kind of mood. Fuck, he was honestly so hot, just as much as he was sweet. I wished he was here even more. It was clear he was intoxicated and wanting me in ways he practiced restraint from. This was a time he was willing to slip.

“Actually, I'm not alone sexy, they are asleep in the bedrooms, I'm just being kind.”

He pouted at the thought but quickly brushed it aside. “What's on your mind?” I whispered as he chewed his lip.

“You Jess, and your beautiful lips, I haven't seen you in almost a month, I miss all of you sweetheart, I promise, but tonight...I miss your body so much. Fuck I regret not making love to you. I actually regret it a lot.” he said soft rolling onto his back. “Babe, can we play? I really fucking need you.” he moaned showing me he was naked under his sheets and rock hard.

Between my alcohol fueled blood and my heated craving for him, I was more than willing to play.

“Take your clothes off, please Jessa” he begged as he stroked himself a few times.

Fuck, he was hot...and so was I. He wasn't holding back tonight. I lived to hear him moan my name, he made it sound so beautiful. I pulled my bottoms off and held my panties up for him.

“Humm, let me watch you take the rest off.” I bit my lip and set the phone against the covers as I did as he asked. “Your so beautiful Jessa.” he moaned heavily as I caressed my breast for him. “Touch yourself, and say my name, please baby” he said as his face flushed.

He wasn't very verbal but he always tried for me, I usually had to lead him into it. Tonight we just flowed off one another. I did everything he asked me too and tried to keep it quiet, my headphones were in my bag along with my mini friend so getting release wasn't as easy for me. But I didn't let him know that. I could take care of myself later. As he got closer I whimpered wondering how his big cock would feel inside me. He was very skilled with his hands and mouth, I couldn't wait to see how good he could really make me feel.

“I want you baby, please tell me I can have all of you when I see you next time, my body is crazy wondering what you feel like...please..please, say yes to me.” I begged as he found release. I could tell from his smile as he came down that he was considering it.

“As soon as your away from Tom, how about we give our bodies what they want?” he smiled both sexy and shy. I smiled back as I agreed and we said good night.

I stared at the ceiling trying to unwind my body from not getting its release. A cold shower would have to do. I sat up to grab my shirt from the floor and my bedroom door opened. I knew who it was without looking. I covered my naked body as I met Toms hooded dark gaze. He smiled causing me to shake my head and bite my lip, he had heard it all. He leaned against the wall and I looked anywhere but at him.

“Need help pretty baby?” he asked raising his unruly brow and licking his lips. “Has he really not made love to you yet?” I sighed feeling my body tingle as I exhaled ready to spill the tea.“Have you and him not..like ever?” he asked almost excited by the discovery. My face flushed hot at his sexy tone. “Is it my fault? If it is you should let me make it up to you.”

“Make it up how Tom?” I mumbled as my core heated at the thought.

“I'll make you cum, you won't have to fake it with me either, promise sexy baby”

“Tom I can't, I'm not a cheater, you should know that about me. Even if you were the last.., I..I..just won't.” I sighed laying down and covering my embarrassment.

“Wait, what..?” he said coming closer to me.

“You have to let me help now, I won't touch, I promise.” he pulled the covers off my face and winked at me.

“But how..” I whined covering my eyes with my arm. He pulled the covers down exposing my rock hard nipples. I covered my breasts with my hands and locked eyes with him.

“Just like that pretty baby, do it just like I would.” he said moving the hair away from my face and placing his hand over mine.

“Go slow, feel every inch of your soft skin as you slide lower. Feel your heart race as I bite at your skin.” he watched my hand as I pinched my nipple hard, making a trail with my other hand like he used to before he touched me everywhere and anywhere but where I ached for him to touch.

“Yes pretty baby, listen to your breathing, you can't wait to cum can you?” he said in my ear, his breath on my neck.

“Tommy, I can't..I can't.” I moaned

“Yes you can, it's just you baby.” he encouraged

“That's the problem, I haven't been with anyone since..” I hid my face in the couch “I need my magic wand.” I laughed feeling embarrassed at the name he gave it so long ago.

“Is it here..where? I'll grab it!” he stood up revealing his hard on. I pointed at my room and he went in without further instructions because he's the one who bought it for me with a pillow that had a hidden compartment that was made for hiding toys. He was gone all of 60 seconds. No time to process what we were getting into.

He pulled off his shirt and I grabbed it from him covering my face and to inhale his scent. Wow, I was intoxicated by him and sangria, not sure who had my mind more blown.

“Can we try..with the magic wand first?” he said taking my hand into his and placing it onto my stomach. I shook my head yes with my face hot under his shirt. He pulled it away and I held it with my teeth causing him to laugh.

“Touch yourself Jessa, let me watch.” he begged, coming so close to my face his hair tickled my skin making my nipples painfully harder. I closed my eyes as he pushed the covers all the way off of me, exposing my naked hot skin to the chill in the air. His warm breath made me arch my back as he blew over my breast. His lips touched them as a consequence of my sudden reaction.

“Fuck, sexy baby, don't make me break my promise.” he said pushing my fingers inside me with his hand on mine. His fingers were soaked instantly and he sucked them clean.  

I let out a cry as his palm brushed my sensitive nub and I worked my fingers slowly. He whispered encouraging hot words as the sounds of my moans and wet sex filled the quiet room. He watched me as I hid my face from his. I knew I shouldn't moan his name but I wanted to, it was messing with my task at hand.

“Stop holding back, if I wasn't here what would you be doing Jess?” he said tilting my face to his. This was sensory overload but I couldn't say it, it wouldn't come out. He moved away from my face and I felt the couch dip as he kneeled between my legs.

“Oh shit Tom!” I cried out as he blew his breath on my silky sex. My eyes rolled into my head as his hair brushed my legs.

“Cum Jess, give your kitty what it needs” he moaned hovering above my body. His arms held him just above my stomach, not breaking his promise. “Look at me when you cum beautiful.” he said biting his lip hard.

I stared into his beautiful dark eyes as mine glazed over and his name fell from my lips.

“Fuck, your so beautiful Jessa, he has no idea what he's missing.” he moaned moving lower again. His hair tickled my legs as he leaned down too close to my entrance.

I closed my legs on instinct with his face in between. He smiled as I covered my exposed sex and took my hand away, placing it into his mouth. I watched wide eyed as he now licked my silky sex from my hand. “I want you so bad baby, I wish I could show you just how much, but hopefully I can while keeping my promise.”

Without warning he slipped my magic wand through my folds and rubbed it over my swollen clit. I arched my back pressing it into his hard shirtless chest as he pushed it inside me slowly until he hit my wall. He let out a moan as my breast kept colliding into his chest.  

“Tom..ohhh fuck!” I gasped as he aimed it up and applied pressure to where he knew my g-spot was. Then he hit vibrate as he held it in place. My hips bucked upwards causing his hand to slide across my wet sex. He let out a rough growl and put his legs over my feet to hold me down. He smirked at me as I begged him to fuck me, he knew my body like it still belonged to him. And yeah, perhaps it did.

“Cum for your Tommy, pinch your clit for me baby, I want to watch you explode in my hands.” he moaned as he pulled my hand to meet his.

I did everything he asked and as I felt the wave crash I screamed his name hard as I came. My body went wild as the sounds of my soaked kitty echoed in the room.

Tom didn't give me time to recover as he worked the wand with a quick pace. I tried to push him away but he wasn't having it. I held onto his hand and dug my nails into his flesh as I cried with pleasure into his shirt, trying to block the sounds. He leaned over me and pulled it away from my face as I repeated his name and begged him to fuck me. He put his left hand on the side of my face and held himself up as he worked the toy faster. He looked at every inch of my face and my breast. His attention was everywhere, he was growing frantic as my second orgasm was draining my voice from my lungs. I kissed his strong arm and licked the veins that popped out before I bit down as I exploded again. He blew his breath over my hot sweat soaked body as he held the wand inside me letting me come down. My legs trembled uncontrollably and traveled to my lungs as I tried to steady my breaths.

“Wow.wow.wow. baby, that was amazing, you really haven't been touched since me have you?” he looked at me differently and it made me want to hide.

“I haven't been with anyone since you, I haven't even bothered until..well..him.” I swallowed feeling embarrassed and confused “He refused to be with me until he knew I could give all of me to him, he was..is..intimidated by you Tom.”

He wrapped my wand in his shirt and slipped it under the blankets. I sat up on my elbows looking at his body and seeing how hard he has been working on it. He looked bigger and more defined. My mouth dropped open as he undid his pants and his hard cock peeked out of his boxer briefs.

“I'm sorry, I'm in pain baby..I'll be right back.” he got up quickly and headed towards the bathroom. I didn't think I just acted. I slipped on my panties and went into the bathroom as he started to undress and turned on the shower. I locked the door as he turned around shaking his head no at me.

“I made a promise, I keep my promises Jess.” he said stern pointing at the door.

“Tommy, please just let me help, I’ll keep your promise too.” I pleaded biting my lip hard. His precum was glistening on the tip of his cock. I leaned against the counter and begged him with my eyes. “Please, I even put my panties back on so we still won't be touching, just trust me.” I begged wanting more by the second.  

Tom closed his eyes and fisted his messy hair. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with hunger. He rested his forehead against mine and gripped the counter as the head of his cock rested against his belly. I hooked my fingers into his boxers and pulled him hard against my body. I rocked my hips back and forth as I played with my breasts for him. His tight boxers were soaked in seconds and clung to the thin lace of my panties.  

He looked into my eyes, deciding for himself. I moaned his name as he lifted one leg around his hip and held it there. He was struggling to stay in control. He pulled up my other leg.  

“Fuck I need to be inside you Jessa.” he whimpered.

He rolled more precum around his tip and squeezed tight. I reached down in a lusty haze and he wrapped my arms around his strong neck before removing me off the sink and into the shower. The water was hot but he shielded me from the pain with his body and rested me against the cold tiled wall as he reached to adjust the temp. The water soaked his hair and ran down his face, his long lashes, perfect jawline, thick neck, broad shoulders, pecs that were a hella in shape. He looked up at me and pulled my lip out of my teeth with a smile that melted my heart.

“Your going to make your lip swollen luv, that’s for someone else to do.” he said staring at my mouth. I stuck my tongue out and he ran his thumb over it for a impulsive second or two.

He set me down and I turned around to give him a view of my ass, he let out a moan as I pressed my ass against his bare cock. I worked my hips in circles as he rocked his back and forth in perfect rhythm. He gripped my panties hard and made them ride up into my ass crack. It was the only tiny piece of fabric between us but it was enough to keep his promise, if he pulled any more they would tear right off. I pulled away and he whimpered at the loss of contact.

“Time for you to cum for me Tommy.” I moaned as he gripped his thick cock. I held onto his biceps as he stroked himself slow and tight. “I want to taste you, can I?” I whispered as I reached for the body wash.

He picked me up as I opened it and moved me against the wall. My back arched at the coldness of the tiles and he licked the water from my neck, shit this was getting out of control and fast. I squeezed the soap in between our bodies and it did its own thing as he started to trust his body up and down. I could feel my own orgasm build as he moaned my name between clench teeth and I joined in moaning his name. Our eyes kept finding one anothers as both of us could feel my panties shifting and his cock making contact with my bare sex. He stopped thrusting and I pulled his hair as I adjusted his cock to slide in between my legs, against my skin but not my sex. He moaned my name in approval and picked up the pace. I gripped tighter to him as he sang my name beautifully in my ear, over and over.

“Cum for me one more time Jess, please sexy baby.” he said rubbing his nose against my wet neck. I nodded yes as he pulled my panties away that were pressed against my sex and sent me into a frenzy as he kept his fingers over his thick head. I pushed my foot off the side of the shower and it gave me enough forced weight to spread his fingers, letting the tip slide in. He pulled my hair hard as I exploded on him, his eyes went wide as he felt my hot silk sliding down his hand and cock. “You naughty girl.” he growled.

Tom watched me fall apart and it was his undoing as he squeezed himself tight and jerked his cock faster. I watched his face as he closed his eyes and formed that perfect fucking O as he started to cum all over me and him. The water raced against me as I put some of him in my mouth. His beautiful long lashes opened as he watched me suck my fingers until his taste was absolutely gone. He smiled at me almost shy and my heart did that melting thing again.    

His jaw tightened as he struggled to keep a good grip on my wet body. I held on tighter so he could keep me in his arms a little longer. Shit, this was becoming something else. I could feel it. I wasn’t ready to be let go of. My heart started to hammer as he set me down. He kissed my forehead and held me close letting me know he wasn’t going anywhere just yet. We washed each other up and not in a sexual way. He even removed my panties and tossed them by his on the bathroom floor. He watched me clean my kitty and I felt myself wanting him yet again. I would do whatever he wanted to keep his beautiful eyes on me. I turned around to rinse off and was caught off guard when he pulled me into his arms.

“Will you sleep with me tonight Jessa, please?” he asked kissing my neck sweetly. I shook my head yes and he turned off the water. “Okay give me a few moments, you stay here and lotion up. I’ll be right back my beautiful girl.” he got out scooping up the clothes and grabbing a towel. I heard some grunting and whispering from Tom and Harry in the living room. I brushed my teeth as I processed sleeping alone in a bedroom, behind closed doors! On the couch was one thing! I rinsed out my mouth as he came in with a robe. He frowned at my toothbrush and took it from me. I reached for it too late as he stuck it in his mouth. Eww, I hated that when he did that!

“What, you did it first.” he winked getting it wet and adding toothpaste. I rolled my eyes like old times and headed to the bedroom in search of my phone. I did it without further thought and on my own accord. I sent my now ex exclusive a message that we needed a heart to heart. Tomorrow I would confess I still had feelings for Tom like he’s always already known and I would set him free. I turned my phone on silent and got under the covers to wait for my Tom. He came in quietly and made himself at home as he laid on top of my naked skin. I went into auto pilot and ran my fingers through his damp long curls.

“Thank you and that was amazing by the way.” I whispered as he peeked up at me.

“Jess, don’t thank me. Your the one who is amazing.” he whispered kissing my tummy.

“I’m thanking you because you actually kept your promise.”

“I do that quite a lot, yet people are always surprised.” he smiled than quickly frowned. “Perhaps if I would have been honest with you and not your exclusive, we could of saved each other all this confusion.”

I gasped at his confirmation that he did indeed tell him about us.

“Tom, what did you tell him and why?” He rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him now. He looked guilty and sorry. “Is it that bad Tom?” he ran his thumb over my lips as he confessed.

“It was the first time we met, when you brought him to Zendaya's birthday party. After I got liquid courage I pulled him aside and asked him if he cared about you. He answered yes in a defensive way and it pissed me off. So I told him if he didn’t care he could leave because I was ready to prove that I already cared for you. Then I was an asshole and told him he better learn how priceless you are, because during the time I had you I wasted it on being to afraid to tell you and I lost you. He let me walk away without saying a word. I think he was ready to punch me. He didn’t leave your side the rest of the party because if he did I was going to just tell you the truth.”

“What’s truth Tom? Tell me now, perhaps it can save more confusion.”

“You were my closest friend. Number one outside of Haz, Jessa. I always wanted you around. Every tour, every comic con, the interviews..then we became whatever we were. I thought we were piecing the puzzle, then we drifted apart.”

“We agreed friendship wouldn’t add pressure to our skyrocketing careers Tom.” I felt my emotions kick up as he wiped my tear. “I didn’t want to lose you all the way.”

“I only agreed because I thought it was my only option to not lose you either way.”

“Tom tell me the truth you told him..” I said closing my eyes bracing myself.     

“I love you Jessa, the truth is I’ve loved you as my friend and just fell deeper in love. I’ve never stopped loving you baby.”

“I love you too Tom and I’m not afraid to keep loving you.”

We drifted off to sleep in eachothers arms, clung to one another like we would never let go.

  Thank you for reading this! If you like what your reading, let me know with a like and reblog. I’m sorry for being gone so long but I’m back and have plenty to share. Happy reading until next time! Hugz!!   

Tagging for singnal boost I’m sorry just a little nervous after a 4 mo hiatus. Let me know if you want removed and I will :) @hazhasmycoffeex3 @uglypastels @cryssilynn18 @frootloop311 @tentarium @celestesteffens @cartwheelandfaceplant @the-claire-bitch-project