#i will eventually i just need to finish uni and find a job so i have to endure at least 3 more years of this hell

[rrogueamendiares]

the way 99% of my problems would disappear if i could live by myself !!!!!!!

[mountttmase]

Change Of Heart

The Middle - Part Three

Note - chapter three wooooo. Thank you so much for all your feedback last week and I’m really sorry I didn’t reply to you guys. It was a weird few days and I’ve been sick so it slipped my mind but I really appreciate you guys so much. I hope you enjoy this one too and happy halfway mark 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount x Reader

Word count - 6.3k

Warnings - series contains angst & fluff

Never in a million years did you think you’d be in the pickle you were in right now.

You’d never felt this awful about yourself before, fleeing the flat that you’d shared with Jack for just over three years since your second year of uni and returning to your childhood home for some much needed comfort. But the only person's comfort you wanted was still in training.

You thought everything was turning out perfectly, moving out of halls and into your first big girl flat with Jack was a massive step but you’d fallen into domestic life perfectly. The both of you still on the same course but taking a few different modules meaning you weren’t together 100% of the time and being able to study together and push each other forward helped you get the best results possible. Both ending up with firsts and it didn’t take you long to land a job so you could continue to live where you’d both made your new home but right now that all now seemed like a long lost dream.

As soon as you made it home to your parents house you rushed up to your old room. Ignoring your family entirely as you locked yourself away and as soon as you thought Mason might be finished with training you sent him a quick text.

Mason, he was always there when you needed him.

You were surprised at first at how quickly the pair of you had fallen back into the rhythm of being friends. Waking up that next morning after your dads birthday party to find him pressed up against your back with his head in your neck and an arm around your waist, but it was the fact he’d clearly gotten hot in the night and taken his jeans off that had made you chuckle. Knowing how much he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by taking his clothes off but you enjoyed waking up next to him more than you let on.

He’d woken up shortly after you and after a quick squeeze you felt him move away, not wanting you to wake up with him pressed against you but you were quickly rolling over so you could press yourself up against him and hold him to you until you felt his chest rumble with laughter.

‘Morning Masey’

‘Morning, love. You sleep okay?’

‘Surprisingly well actually. What about you?’

‘Yeah not bad’ he whispered but you could tell he was a little shy still. Not able to look you in the eyes for more than a few seconds but it was just nice to have him back in any capacity.

Mason stuck to his word after that night, always keeping in contact as often as he could and when he went on loan to Derby County you made sure to go to as many games as you could manage. Jack always in tow as it became your little thing but as soon as he joined back up with Chelsea Jack had to stop. Telling you he didn’t feel right cheering for Chelsea as an Arsenal fan so you ended up going to games alone or with some of the Chelsea girlfriends as Mason introduced you to more people as he made friends.

You were so proud of him, watching him take the world by storm and as his second season was coming to an end you knew one of the biggest games of his life was coming up and he didn’t need any distractions.

You needed him though. Urgently.

You needed him more than you'd ever needed anyone in your life and as you sat and waited for him to show up you felt sicker and sicker. The gravity of the situation still not hitting you properly as you hadn’t managed to speak it out loud to him yet but you knew you needed to get a grip.

When Mason eventually got to your house, the door was opened by your mother who gave him a concerned look as she nodded him in and he wasn't sure what to to think at all.

‘She’s in her room but she won’t tell me what’s wrong’ she huffed, rolling her eyes slightly and it struck him as a bit weird because he knew you told your mum everything. The fact she was laughing it off though made him think it was that serious though and he felt his heart calm down slightly.

‘I’ll speak to her’ he reassured her. Touching her arm as if to comfort her slightly before he made his way up the stairs and straight to your room. Knocking gently as the door was shut but he really didn’t know what to expect.

‘You in there love?’ He called, knocking lightly again as he didn’t know if you were sleeping but you were far from it. Laid on your back as you looked up to the ceiling to try and control your breathing but his voice had you sat up straight in an instant.

‘Yeah’ you answered, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear but you knew your voice sounded strained and when the door finally opened and you could see his face you felt yours crumple. Hot tears running thick and fast down your face but Mason was quick to shut the door and rush to your side so he could pull you into his arms.

Even though he had no idea what was going on, the fact he’d dropped everything to come here and comfort you meant the world and as you sobbed into his chest you’d never felt more lucky to have a friend like him.

He let you take your time, rubbing you back soothingly to calm you down enough to speak and even though you were petrified, you knew Mason would be there for you and on your side no matter what you told him.

‘Hey, come on it’s okay’ he whispered, trying to pull back so he could look at you but you weren’t ready yet and he didn’t push you to talk until your tears had died down. ‘It’s alright, love. Take your time, yeah? I’m not going anywhere’

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you come all this way’

‘No no don’t be silly, you know I would have come a lot further if you needed me to’ he whispered. Trying his best to settle you so that you’d come out and tell him what’s wrong and when you looked up at him with a pout, his heart broke for you. ‘What is it, love? Whats happened?’

‘Me and Jack… well there isn’t a me and Jack anymore. He’s left me’ you told him, your voice wobbling as you tried your best not to break down again but you could tell he was shocked as he pulled you back into his chest.

‘Oh y/n’ he sighed, wrapping his arms around you tighter and rubbing your back soothingly. ‘What happened?’

‘If I tell you, can you promise it stays between us’ you asked, not wanting anyone to know your secret just yet but you knew you were about to burst if you didn’t tell someone.

‘Well I don’t kn-‘

‘No Mason, you have to promise’ you begged, feeling yourself get hysterical as he wasn’t promising but when he cupped your jaw you looked straight into eyes and knew you had nothing to worry about.

‘Okay okay, I promise, yeah?’ he told you, grabbing your hand out of your lap so he could link your pinkies together and you smiled for the first time that day at the gesture. ‘I pinkie promise you it stays between us. Now spill’

You tried your hardest to tell him, the words stuck on the tip of your tongue and it took a few tries but he never tried to rush you. Giving you the time he needed you gather yourself and get the words right but it was like you’d forgotten how to speak.

‘I can’t Mase, I can’t say it’

‘Why not?’

‘Cause if I say it then it’s happening and-‘

‘Whatever it is, no matter how bad you think it might be, I’m here yeah?’ He told you. Stroking your cheek so you could look at each other properly. ‘I’ll always be here. You’re not on your own at all so just tell me and we can face it together’

‘I’m pregnant’

The words came out as a whisper and you weren’t even sure if Mason understood at first but when you watched his face contort into one of shock you knew he had. All the breath in his lungs being expelled at once as what you’d said hit him like a slap in the face, but now you’d said it out loud the words came pouring out of you like word vomit.

‘I found out a few days ago and I’m way further along than I was expecting and it’s all just such a mess. I didn’t want to add more pressure onto your plate with the final coming up but I didn’t know who else to tell I’m so so sorry Mase-‘

‘You do not need to apologise, okay? You have nothing to be sorry for’ he whispered and you could see he was trying his hardest to comfort you but he was also stunned by what you’d told him. ‘Sorry I feel like I’m being shit but I don't know what to say’

‘No it’s fine, I don’t know either’ you laughed and the fact you’d cracked a bit made him smile. Pulling you into his chest so you could cuddle into him and when his fingers began to massage over your scalp you felt yourself melt.

‘Are you okay? Like are you feeling okay?’ He whispered into the side of your head and you nodded softly.

‘I’m a bit sick but I’m fine I promise’ you told him looking back up into his big brown eyes and it was as clear as day how much he cared and how worried he was for you.

‘So Jack left when you told him?’ He asked carefully but all you could do was nod knowing your voice would fail you. ‘I’ll kill him. I swear to god I’ll kill him’

‘Please don’t, I just wanna forget he ever existed’ you sniffed before looking down into your lap so you could let your tears fall.

‘Look at me’ he whispered, taking your face in his hands again so he could kiss your forehead and you felt yourself relax in his hold. Looking up at him through your tears but you could see he was calming down. ‘He never deserved you. The both of you, okay?’ He mumbled. Your eyes spilling over as he referred to you as a pair and even though you were petrified you knew you’d be okay as long as you had your best friend. ‘I don’t care what you say, I’m here now and I’m taking care of you’

‘No mase, you can’t-‘

‘I don’t wanna hear it okay.’ He cut you off, tucking your hair behind your ears. ‘Call it payback or whatever for when I left for a year but you’re not on your own. I’ll do whatever you need me to’

‘Mase-‘

‘You need to do one thing for me though, okay’ he asked and you had no idea what it was but you were willing to do just about anything for him right now. ‘I need you to tell your mum’

You knew he was right, there was no way you could hide this from her and you’d need all the help you could get but the prospect of telling your family terrified you. You knew this wasn’t what they wanted for you and the thought of disappointing them hurt but you knew deep down he was right.

‘Will you come with me?’ You asked quietly and his face softened immediately.

‘Of course I will’

‘Okay, let me just go to the loo and sort myself out and we can do it’ you smiled. Leaving him alone in your room for a moment but you had no idea what he was about to do as he reached for his phone and called the one person he needed to talk to.

‘Hello?’

‘Don’t talk and don’t put the phone down’ he said lowly, his mind scrambled with what he wanted to say but in the end he blurted it all out. ��I’m just calling to tell you you’re a piece of shit and if you dare thinking about coming near her again I’ll rip your fucking head off’

‘Oh give it a rest mate, you think I give a shit?’ Jack laughed and the sound made Mason want to punch something. ‘You should be thanking me anyway, I know you’ve wanted me out of the picture since I got there. Not that it makes much difference, she still picked me even when you were begging for her’

‘Shut the fuck up’ Mason spat but it made no difference. Jack was still laughing at him down the phone like he thought he was pathetic and it made Mason want to scream.

‘Don’t call me again and I won’t call you. And don’t worry, I don’t plan on being near her anytime soon’

‘How can you be like this? You’re gonna chuck it all away for no reason?’

‘I never wanted a kid, that was never in my plans. She can do what she wants but I’m out. Just like I’m out of this conversation. I would say good luck with everything but I don’t mean it’ he said before hanging up and Mason could only just contain his rage.

How could he say that about you? You’d stuck with him for so long and Mason knew how much you loved him so to hear him speak about you in this way infuriated him. Mason was never Jacks biggest fan but he’d always been respectful for your sake and now he wished he never had been.

‘Mase, you coming?’ You called, your head poking into your room to see him looking furious but as soon as his eyes fell on you his whole face changed.

‘I’m here love, sorry’ he smiled. Popping his phone back into his pocket and meeting you by the door so he could take your hand and lead you downstairs. It was safe to say you were terrified but as long as you had Mason you knew you could get through this.

Telling your mum you were about to become a single parent was one of the hardest things you ever had to do, but she could see how upset and scared you were and thankfully wasn’t hard on you. Begging you to stay home so she could look after you and you took her up on the offer so you could be closer to Mason and away from the home you used to share with Jack. Even staying with him some nights just for a break and you always felt your happiest when you were next to him.

He did everything for you. He cooked, he cleaned, he even did your washing and when the time came for his big game he called you as soon as he could after he’d won to let you know it was you and your little pickle that pushed him over the finish line and gave him the strength to win.

When he had a small break from football he took you away for a few days just the two of you and you knew what you must have looked like to other people but you never corrected them. You just held his hand and let him treat you even if you did feel awful about it but in the back of your mind you wanted people to think you were together. That you had your life in order and the father of your child was in the picture rather than off doing god knows what because you weren’t good enough for him.

Pregnancy was tough. You felt sick most of the way through it and even though you were trying your hardest to make out that you were fine, you were still mourning the loss of the man you thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with. You kept your sadness private though, waiting until you were in the safety of your bedroom of a night to let your tears flow.

It took a while but you knew it had to stop. Your life still had to move on without him and you had a whole new human to think about. If he didn’t want to be a part of your lives then that’s his choice but it was also your choice to give your baby the best life you could.

Mason couldn’t make it to your first scan but he made sure to take you to your second. You could tell he was unsure about if you wanted him to actually come in with you or not but you just nodded your head in the direction of the door and he followed you in with a huge smile.

‘I see your red lipstick is back’ he commented as he helped you up onto the bed but all you could do was send him a smile. It was rare you’d worn it over the last few years as Jack always complained when you did but now you were free of him, you were free to wear it again. Feeling more like yourself with each day that passed.

‘So todays the day’ the nurse smiled as she gelled your belly up. ‘What have you decided?’ She asked but Mason was looking at you confused. He had no idea what an important scan this was but you just smiled at him before turning to her.

‘I want to know’ you confirmed but Mason just looked at you like you were speaking another language.

‘Am I missing something here? Want to know what?’

‘What I’m having. I can find out if it’s a boy or a girl today’ you told him and his eyebrows almost got lost in his hairline he was that shocked.

‘Oh’ he smiled. ‘Wait you’re just gonna find out now? No big gender reveal or anything?’

‘Nah, I don’t fancy it’ you shrugged. ‘I’ve got the most important person here who needs to know so I don’t see why I should wait. What do you think?’

‘Let’s do it’ he smiled, his eyes sparkling as they filled with tears and you squeezed his hand to let him know it was okay as the nurse began the search for your little one. ‘What am I having then? A niece or a nephew’ he joked, squeezing your hand gently as she moved the probe around and she let out a little laugh before her eyes fell to you.

‘Y/n… you’re having a little girl’

You didn’t realise you were crying until you felt Mason's lips on your forehead. Warm trickles spilling down your cheeks at the gesture as you covered your face with your free hand.

You’d told yourself you would be happy with whatever your baby was but deep down you knew you wanted a girl. A little mini you who would be your absolute best friend and now you knew you were getting your wish you couldn’t hold your sobs in. The nurse leaving the pair of you alone so Mason could help you calm down and after a few more forehead kisses and reassuring words in your ear you were semi back to normal.

‘Sorry Mase, it’s just a lot’

‘I know, love. It’s okay though, you’re allowed to get upset’ he reassured you and before you knew it you were getting packed up to leave and go home with fresh pictures of you little girl in hand.

You made a quick stop in the loo before you left, something that was now becoming a regular occurrence and once you were out, Mason was nowhere to be seen. You wondered if he’d maybe been mobbed by fans and had to go and hide but as soon as you got your phone out to text him he appeared. A sly smile on his face as he hid his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie and you eyed him curiously until he let out a giggle.

‘Where did you go?’ You asked him, the smile on his face contagious as he tried to suppress it.

‘The gift shop’

‘Why? Isn’t it full of flowers and get well soon cards?’

‘There was a lot of that yes, but I wanted to get my niece her first teddy’ he smiled, reaching back into his front pocket and pulling out a little giraffe teddy with a pink bow tied round the bottom of its neck and you felt your eyes sting for the millionth time that day.

‘Oh Mase’ you whispered. ‘That must have cost you an arm and a leg in there’

‘Worth it’ he smiled and when he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, you let him lead you out to the car to go home.

As you neared the end of your pregnancy you were ready for it all to be over with. Your little pickle wasn't so little anymore and everything was hurting. The worst were the Braxton Hicks contractions and even though you’d been having them for a few weeks now, the ones today felt worse. You weren’t due to give birth for another two weeks though so you knew it was nothing serious however after a call to your midwife she advised you to come in and stay the night to be observed.

You called Mason that night once you were settled in, letting him know you were staying over as a precaution and even when he tried to protest you made him stay home. He had a big game the next day and you didn’t want him to worry and get himself in a tizz when you’d be chilling in bed all day and by the time you were both ready to sleep he was pleading with you to see you afterwards. Agreeing that he could come and visit you after his game and you went to sleep excited that you’d be able to see him tomorrow.

As far as games go, it was a good one for Mason. He stuck to his promise and scored you a goal, his first of the season, which was then followed by 2 more. His first Chelsea hat trick and you just wished you would have been able to watch it in a little more comfort.

As soon as Mason could get out of there he did. Discreetly letting the staff know what was happening so they let him go without another word and even though all his team mates wanted to celebrate, there was only one place he wanted to be.

He knew he had time but he also wanted to get to you as quickly as he could so he only made one stop to pick you up a few things and he made it to the hospital by 6pm. Thankfully your mum had told him where abouts in the hospital he had to go and once he made it to the maternity ward reception he didn’t have to look far to know what room you were in. Your mum walking out looking more emotional than he’d ever seen her and once she caught sight of him she ran over to give him a big hug.

‘Is she alright? I text her a few times but she didn’t reply so I presumed she was asleep’

‘Oh Mase’ she sobbed. ‘She’s here’

‘What?… what do you mean?’

‘She was born about half an hour ago, it all happened so fast’ your mum told him but he was stuck frozen.

‘Is everything alright? Are they both fine? I got here as quick as I could I had no idea-‘

‘They’re both fine Mase’ she reassured him. Holding him but his arms in hopes he would calm down. ‘Why don’t you go in and see them. I think she was about to have a nap but she’ll be over the moon to see you’

‘Okay’ he whispered. Eyes trained on the door your mum had just emerged from and with a gentle push he was making his way over.

Mason had never been so nervous before, not even before he took his penalty earlier did he feel like this but the excitement took over and before he knew it he was pushing the door open to reveal you sat up in bed and even though you looked frightened and exhausted, your eyes were full of love and he couldn’t wait to hold you.

‘Mase’ you breathed, your bottom lip wobbling as he rushed to your side, dropping all his bags in the process so he could hug you and as soon as his arms were around you you cried your heart out. All of your emotions and hormones spilling out of you as the comfort of your best friend engulfed you and he let you cry it out fully. Pulling back as your breathing started to regulate so he could kiss your cheeks and take a good look at you. ‘I’m so sorry, they told me it would be hours-‘

‘Do not say sorry, yeah’ he whispered. Pushing the hair out of your face so he could get a better look at you and the look of pride on his face made you dizzy. ‘Are you okay? Are you in pain?’

‘Yeah, it hurt like fuck’ you laughed, wiping your eyes before he took your hands in his. "They said it would take hours and then all of a sudden I was fully dilated so I couldn't even get the epidural’ you told him and his face softened. ‘I think she was just too excited to see you and congratulate you for your hat trick’ you laughed tearily and his face crumpled a little bit. ‘You played so well Mase I’m so proud of you’

‘Are you kidding me? You just pushed a whole human out. I’m proud of you’ he told you as his eyes flickered all over your face. ‘And you’re the only woman I’ve ever known give birth in red lipstick’

‘I wanted her to know what type of woman she’s got for a mum as soon as possible’ you told him with a laugh. ’Do you wanna meet her?’ You asked quietly, knowing he’s been waiting months to finally see her and the bright smile he sent your way to you all you needed to know.

‘Please’ he whispered shyly, so you nodded him over to sit in the chair next to your bed before leaning over the other side so you could pick her out from her crib. Luckily enough she was still awake and you kept your eyes on Mason's face as you handed her over.

It was like love at first sight, his eyes filling up with tears that he tried to blink away as his lip wobbled but he was a natural when he held her. Getting her comfortable in his arms as best he could before he stroked her little face and you could tell from his ragged breathing he was overwhelmed with everything.

‘Oh y/n she’s your double’ he whispered. Tracing her features gently and your heart was racing at how he was with her.

‘Yeah, you think?’

‘Of course, she’s perfect’ he whispered, softly trailing his finger dow her nose as she looked up at him in wonder but your moment was only short lived as your midwife came back in to check on you and her eyes caught Masons immediately.

‘Ooooh a boy, what’s your name handsome?’ She giggled and you laughed at his frightened face.

‘This is my best friend, Mason’ you explained and she gave you an over exaggerated wink before directing her attention back to him.

‘Well Mason, I’m not sure if you know this but babies really benefit from a little skin to skin when they’re born.’

‘What?’ He breathed. Looking at you for help but the shrug of your shoulder let him know you weren’t about to help him.

‘It’s true, releases good hormones apparently and will help her immune system’

‘I’ve only just got here and you already want me bloody undressed’ he muttered, passing you back your little bundle of joy before undressing his top half and you felt your heart flutter a little at the sight of him. You hadn't seen him in this state for a long time and you couldn't believe how much he’d bulked out but you pushed everything down as you began to unwrap your daughter to hand over to him. Feeling yourself melt even more as he settled her back against his chest and you wrapped a blanket around them to keep them warm.

‘Hey, y/n? Have we got a name yet? I want to introduce myself properly’ he told you seriously. You’d had a name for a while but you wanted to make sure it fit her face and you wanted to discuss it with him too just in case he thought it was a bad idea.

‘I think I do, yeah. Mase this is Ginevra, Gee for short’ you told him softly. ‘I wanted to name her after my Italian great grandmother, you know the one I only met once?’

‘I remember’ he smiled ‘Hey baby Gee, it’s so nice to finally see you’ he told her looking down into her eyes that were staring right back into his. ‘We’re gonna be best friends, me and you’ he told her. Listing off all the adventures he was planning for them and you knew in that moment that it didn’t matter about Jack or anyone else, she would always have Mason.

It was the start of a beautiful friendship between the pair of them and even though being a new mother was difficult and required a lot of adapting, Mason always made sure he gave a helping hand.

You felt awful, letting him give up his free time to help you raise a baby that wasn’t even his but you could see he was in his element. His caring nature coming out in full force whenever Gee was around and you loved the way this extended to you too. Not that he hadn't always been caring but it was like he was extra gentle now.

Whenever he had a few hours free he would make sure to visit, even if it wasn’t for long but it always brightened your day to see him and it definitely brightened Gee’s. Next to you, he was becoming her favourite person.

You loved being back at home but there was something missing. A deep need inside of you to stop relying on your family and to give your daughter the life she deserved on your own. You had always tried to be as independent as you could but living off your parents and Mason was starting to take its toll.

Gee was the most special little girl in the whole world. You couldn’t believe you’d created a human so kind and funny and silly and after dreaming about your baby for so long, it was unreal to finally have her in your arms.

You had three months left of maternity leave when work checked in on you. You figured it was just for a general update but after a long talk they were offering you something you couldn’t refuse. A way out of the life you were currently in and you didn’t even think twice before saying yes.

Mason could tell there was something on your mind from the first look at you. He’d come over for a few hours after training just like usual and aside from a quick hello, you mostly sat in silence. Never one to push you though he let you sit a stew for a while as he laid with Gee on the floor. Tapping the toys hanging from the frame attached to her play mat so they dangled above her and as she laughed excitedly he would tickle her tummy to make it even worse so her giggles filled the quiet room.

He was so good with her, which made what you were about to tell him all the more difficult. Not having the courage to do it right then and there but after a little while you couldn't hold it in. Asking him to come and sit next to you on the sofa and he carefully picked up Gee so he could cradle her in his arms as you spoke and you looked on with a big smile as she playfully held his finger.

‘So the company I work for, they’re having a bit of a shuffle around and things are gonna be different when I go back’ you started but his face turned to one of anger immediately.

‘You’re not loosing your job are you? They’re not allowed to do that’ he told you seriously but you just smiled and shook your head.

‘No Mase I’m not losing my job’ you laughed. ‘I’m getting a promotion actually’

‘Oh no way, that’s amazing’ he smiled. His whole face lighting up now he knew they weren’t trying to get rid of you but now you knew the hard part was coming where you needed to explain what was actually going on.

‘Yeah they’re opening a new office and they want me to run my own department there, like it’s all getting set up for when I’m back it’s really exciting’

‘I’m so proud of you’ he smiled but he noticed the way your face had fallen and that you looked slightly nervous. ‘What’s up? You don’t look too happy about it’

‘No I am I am, it’s just, well it’s a big change’ you explained but his kind smile hadn’t faltered and you knew you were about to crush his whole world.

‘I know it is, but you can do’

‘Mase?’ You gulped. Looking down into your lap as you held the heart of the necklace he’d gifted you all these years ago. Hoping it would give you the strength you needed like it always did.

‘Yeah?’

‘It’s in Manchester’

‘What?’ He asked. Looking up to say his face contorted in confusion and even though you knew you had to explain more, a weight felt like it had been lifted.

‘The job. It’s in Manchester’

‘Oh’ he breathed. Looking slightly bewildered by everything you were saying and as he carried on speaking you knew you’d have to break it down a bit more for him. ‘That’s a pretty long commute isn’t it? A couple of hours each way at least. Can you work from home?’

‘I can work from home Mason, yes. But I also need to be in the office’ you breathed. Ready to give him the final blow and as you looked into his sweet brown eyes, you knew this would hurt him more than anything. ‘That’s why I’m moving there’

‘You’re what?’

‘I’m moving to Manchester, Mason’

You watched his face fall, eyes dropping down to Gee who was quietly laying in his arms and when he looked back up you could see his eyes were full of tears.

‘Please don’t take her away from me’ he whispered, his voice thick as his bottom lip wobbled and your heart broke for the boy sitting next to you.

‘No Masey, no I’m not taking her away from you I promise’ you told him, your own eyes burning as you tried to comfort him but you could tell he was distraught at the thought of not being close to her anymore.

‘I can’t lose you guys, I’ve lost you once and I can’t-‘

‘Mase no, come here’ you asked him. Holding your arms out for him to fall into and once he was settled comfortably you scratched over his scalp just how he liked it. ‘You won’t lose us I swear, we’ll be back all the time okay and you can come visit whenever you want. I just… I need to do this. For me’ you sighed. ‘I wanna give Gee the best life I can, okay?

‘I can do that, I’ll give you guys everything you need-‘

‘Mason, my minds made up’

‘But why’ he pouted. Knowing there was more to the story than you were giving him and the look in his eyes made you realise you had to be completely honest.

‘I can’t be here anymore Mase. Everywhere I look I see him and I just hate feeling like this. I need a fresh start’ you confessed and you watched his face drop instantly as a look of understanding washed over him.

‘Hey hey, it’s alright’ he whispered, sitting up and pulling you into his side. ‘If it's what you need to do then I’ll support you, okay? I’m not gonna sit here and act like I’m thrilled about the whole thing but whatever you need then I’m here for you’ he reassured you.

‘Thank you’

‘And you best believe I’m gonna be visiting every second I get a chance so you better get somewhere with a guest bedroom’

‘I will, I promise’ you laughed. Trying to hold back a sob but it was no use. Yes this was what you needed but it was tough on everyone and you hated upsetting Mason more than anything. ‘You knew you’re always gonna be my best friend Mason. Distance won’t change that’

‘I hope so’ he whispered tearily and you felt your heart break for the millionth time.

Tag list - @saltyheartnightmare @harvestmount @prideofpd @sid-vii @carlottawllms @footiehoemcfc @katharinanadiaa @whenelifallsinlove @neverinadream @cityzenchick @msnmnt @stikkibun @masonmtxo @chillymountsjess @yoursselo @maseymm @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps @leclerc13

[star-spacer]

Peace and All Else

Part of my Heart Pirates x Reader series: The Sanctity of Sacred Spaces

With a life as chaotic as yours, you preferred quietness where you could find it.

You were someone who valued your peace. Not just as a personal preference, but for your job as well, as any interruption could result in an errant stitch, ruining the clothing, or a needle through the finger.

This need for quietness was ironic, considering you were on a crew of pirates, whose lives were marked by nothing but unending chaos. 

Paradoxical. Peculiar. But when you were a pirate crew who had a doctor at the helm, it didn’t seem that strange. You were simply one oddball amongst a crew full of them. Which lent to many, many escapades that echoed throughout the Tang. It was never silent, whether it be the noise of her machines humming away, or the sound of the galley’s mealtime preparations, there was always life in her halls. 

You wouldn’t trade it for any other thing, but sometimes everyone’s antics were a little overwhelming, and you had to slip away to seek out a moment of peace. Innevitably, you’d always end up in a few places. Namely: your storage-room-turned-workshop. 

After your welcoming into the folds of the Heart Pirates, they were kind enough to clear out an empty broom closet and convert it into a mini workspace for you. You had initially protested that it was too much, but Shachi had quickly shushed you by saying you’d pay it back by repairing everyone’s stuff and fixing up the infirmary’s linens. 

Eventually, those bolted shelves were filled until with rolls and rolls of fabrics, projects finished and not set in marked piles on your desk. Your walls filled with papers, ideas and sketches (both yours and not) displayed proudly. An almost-too-big-couch crammed right into the last unoccupied corner of the room, with a lopsided mannequin that Ikkaku fixed up for you standing proudly right next to it.

A home away from home.

Well, just a home now. You didn’t have any other place except with the Heart Pirates.

And in this peace, you could relax, and unwind. Pick up a thread and needle and weave your love into every fold and stitch of the fabric in your hands. Love that you hoped your nakama could feel.

Your hands jolted as the door to your workshop slammed open with a cry of your name. You grabbed the nearest object, a spare pincushion, and lobbed it with deadly accuracy at the intruder. Penguin yelped as the item beaned him right on the forehead, the brim of his hat barely protected him against your wrath. “What was that for?!?!”

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK BEFORE YOU ENTER?! AND TO NOT SLAM MY DOOR?!”

“Sorry, sorry! But can I hide in here for a bit?”

You squinted at him, anger giving way to suspicion. “Why…?”

“Please!” The man clasped his hands in front of him, stepping into the room. “I’ll do anything!!”

An idea sparked in your head. “If you take my dish duty tonight… You can stay for as long as you want and I won’t rat you out if anybody comes asking.”

Not that you particularly hated doing the dishes, you knew the importance of equal distributions of chores (Law drilled that into every members’ head on the daily), but just this once, you had something pressing you’ve been wanting to do, so the extra time gained from Penguin taking on your duty was exactly what you needed.

Penguin didn’t even flinch. “I’ll take it!”

You grinned and let out a little ‘yos’. “You can hide behind the couch, There’s space there, and the floor’s padded.”

He was full of thanks as he dove behind the furniture, shuffling coming from it as he settled there. To complete the look, you walked over, grabbing the blanket on there, and draping it over the back of the couch, making it look natural.

Just as you were patting out the last of the wrinkles, slow, steady footsteps approached your workshop. A knock announced Uni’s presence before he stuck his head in through the open door.

“Hello, Uni. Can I help you with anything?”

A drone of your name. “Have you seen Penguin anywhere?”

You had to resist a smile. “No. Are you looking for him?”

A nod. Slow eyes tracked across your workshop but ultimately landed back on you again, standing next to the couch. “He used my gloves and didn’t clean off the grease.”

Wincing at that, you wondered why the hatted man thought that was smart in the first place. Uni’s gloves were far bigger than Penguin’s, but they were also slimmer, so shoving his mitts into those could’ve popped a few stitches. “If you want, you can bring them here, and I’ll fix and clean them up for you,” you offered.

Uni shook his head. “No need. I have spares. But I’m going to find Penguin to make him clean off the ones he used.”

“Okay. Good luck.”

“Thank you. Sorry for bothering you.”

“You’re fine, Uni. See you around.”

You waited until his footsteps were out of earshot before cracking a smile. Penguin shot you a grateful thumbs up and a grin when you peeked your head over to look at him. “It’s pretty comfy down here,” he said, wiggling his shoulders a bit. “Mind if I sleep here a bit?”

“Be my guest,” you drawled, wandering back to your desk and picking up your pencil. “I’m sure the dust bunnies appreciate the company.”

I appreciate your company, was left unsaid, but you hoped Penguin understood.

Peace returned to the room, only interrupted by the sound of your pencil and paper as you sketched your way through clothing patterns. Then, the quiet whistles of Penguin’s snores began to fill the air. You paused your work, before shaking your head with a fond smile.

You didn’t know how long you worked before there was a small flash of blue and Penguin’s snores being cut off for something to hit the floor where he was. Knowing that it could only be Law’s fruit, you got up to investigate what was Shambled into your room to swap with Penguin. 

A note, attached to one of your missing pincushions by a pin.

“That bastard,” you muttered, reaching down to grab everything from the floor.

‘Stop hiding people in your workshop’ the messy scrawl of his handwriting read. 

You snickered, sitting back down at your work desk and depositing the pincushion in its rightful place on your table. Your lamp flickered on, and you moved it so it shone over the drawing on your table, a revised boiler suit for Bepo that had more ventilation, so the poor Mink wouldn’t feel the heat as much when things inevitably got hot in the Polar Tang.

Yes, you valued your peace. But your workshop was a sanctuary, too. Not just for you, but every single one of your nakama that wanted to wander through your doors, in search of help, repairs, or just plain comfort. Peace came in many forms, and your nakama’s peace was yours.

[crushedsweets]

i'm so obsessed w your blog you really unlocked all the nostalgia that's always waiting under the surface frfr i hope you send me spiraling all the way down again i miss it here so bad. anyway can i ask. what u got on... jane my beloved... sowwy if there's already like. posts abt it i'll go thru your whole blog someday and learn everything like my uni books xx

ok some quick warm up doodles this morning to go with the chat i got... tw for torture, stalking, really sad stuff.

link to my au that has a page with her in it

ok to start off with, jane/liu aren't TOO present in my story because jane and liu live really normal lives. most of their personal story is about recovery and growth, they were victims not aggressors. they're more involved in ninas story, rather than the overarching slender/operator paranormal problems...

jane grew up in an upper middle class household with incredibly loving parents. she was majoring in criminal psychology and lived with her parents, since they were close to the uni. it was during her second year in university that jeff began stalking her. he'd leave dead animals on her doorstep, light fires in her garbage cans, shatter windows without even entering the house, key her car, leave cryptic writings on her car that say stuff like '1f' (1female) to further scare her.

it wasn't that there was anything special about jane, but she had a super easy, very strict schedule to follow. her uni classes were all in the same building at the time, her car had a few cute stickers and decorations on/in her car that made it easy to spot, she only worked sat-mon at a cafe near her university. she was a happy person. easy victim he thought

eventually, while jane was out, he broke into her home and assaulted her parents. whether he used drugs or just stabbed them in the right place to make them immobile idk, but he got them tied up in the kitchen at some point. he was torturing them, doing the typical carved out smile bullshit, and he planned on leaving them for jane to find that night -- but, for the first time, her schedule was different. she came home from work while he was drenching the house in gasoline.

he panicked upon hearing her absolutely gutwrenching scream and quickly lit the trail of gasoline while she was trying to untie her dad (her mom was long gone by this point, her dad was barely managing a few wheezed breathes). he went to go finish jane off. he slashed her face, from her right temple, down her cheek, splitting her mouth in half and getting down to her left jaw. but the fire was spreading way faster than he anticipated, and he already heard sirens, so he bolted.

jane suffered 3rd degree burns covering her entire right leg and arm, it reached up her neck and her face, alongside some other parts of her body. she was pulled out of the fire, rushed to the hospital, and barely managed to survive.

jane had some outside family to support her, but her biggest supporter was her friend from middleschool mary vaugn. she moved into mary's house, took a semester off of school for recovery. the second she felt physically able to, she tried to drive herself right back into school, regardless of her mental condition.

she changed her major to criminal justice. she eventually graduated, fell in love with mary, got married, became a private investigator, etc. she spent a while working on jeff's case, losing sleep and hair over it- she was getting into some sketchy things to try and figure it out, because by this point jeff and ben were friends, and slenderman needs ben's help, so jeff's now protected by slenderman

but jane is one stubborn fucking woman and kept going. instead of sending the proxies to subdue jane, he sent sally.

sally was another poltergeist that kept haunting homes with newborn babies. she was attracting some attention, but slenderman cant physically stop a ghost - so he spent some time talking to sally, connecting with this little ghost girl and convincing her 'you're doing such a great job protecting all these infants, but this one needs you now'

he sent sally off to live with jane. mary's sister was staying with jane/mary after having a baby, so sally agreed to protect the baby. jane quickly welcomed sallys presense, always having believed good things of protective spirits. her mom used to tell her stories of how her grandmother's ghost would always come and soothe jane in her infancy (whether its true or not doesnt matter to jane) .

sally eventually became more than a presence to jane, almost completely integrating herself into her household's daily life. even after mary's sister and her baby left, sally stayed with jane. she felt safe there. (it helped that there were no men in the house too)

jane cares for sally like a daughter for a long time, and begins to redirect her life towards sally, rather than hatred for jeff. she never fully recovers from that night, and she never ever ever ever fucking 'forgives' jeff in any way, but she puts it aside for a while.

but sally is still a spirit, and does her fair share of wandering. she's always landing herself in the cornfields, the forest, etc, and jane goes frantic looking for her -- which is where she eventually bumps into the proxies. it's a huge mess, but she finds out what the fuck slenderman is and whats happening in that forest, but she just . . cant do anything about it. for sallys sake

eventually they get to the point where jane commonly finds herself walking in the forest with sally, or the proxies have to call jane and tell her to 'get her ghost kid' from the forest, etc.

at some point in this she also connects with liu. i don't know who reaches out first, whether it be liu desperately wanting to apologize for everything, or jane trying to figure out anything about jeff she can use to find him. this is how she finds out about nina.

jane smacked the shit out of nina when she first met her, in front of the proxies, who had to pull them apart. (i love nina but she deserved it after idolizing jeff). but nina is really fucking weird and began to idolize jane as well, and sally liked nina, which made it even more complicated, and that's why jane is the first person nina calls after jeff stabbed her ...

by this point janes hoping nina can heal, hoping liu can heal, hoping she herself can heal. ITS VERY HARD. its so unbelievably painful. that's basically where her story is at right now...

on a more positive note, she has a beautiful relationship with mary, and was hugely accepted in mary's family. she does poetry, creative writing, and is passionate about her career. she takes some extra creative writing/art courses at the local community college, just out of pure interest. she does her best to live a peaceful life

a bit off topic, but here's a little thing i copy and pasted from an old hc post too:

i cannot explain how close jane and her parents were. she was an only child in a upper middle class house to a lawyer and a real estate agent so she was always spoiled rotten, taken care of, always told how beautiful and smart she was. hence why losing them is the most fucking detrimental shit to ever happen to her. she literally worhsips her parents. she’s wore mothers wedding dress to her own wedding. her uncle(dads brother) walked her down the aisle holding a framed photo of her dad. she almost refused to walk during her university graduation because her parents couldn’t be there, despite the years worth of hardwork and dedication she put into it.

[allwaswell16]

A fic rec of One Direction fics where one or both of the main characters don't realize they're dating or might as well be as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers. You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

—Louis/Harry—

▼ Truth or Dare by 2Larry_Stylinson2

(M, 123k, childhood friends) One night, Harry asks Louis to kiss him as "practice", but what was supposed to be a one time thing, just kept happening over and over again, with them going further and further with one another despite being "just friends".

▼ Never Let Me Go by loveisalaserquest17

(E, 55k, 10 Year Plan au) One night, with a little too much alcohol, they make a pact to marry in ten years if they're both still single.

▼ It Had To Be You by @kingsofeverything

(M, 45k, When Harry Met Sally au) Ten years after their post-college road trip, Louis and Harry meet once again, but this time they become friends. Eventually, things get complicated.

▼ I Like You, Say It Back by ishiplouis / @pocketsunshineharry

(E, 43k, a/b/o) the one where it takes a lot of time for Harry and Louis to figure it out. But they do, they always do, don't they?

▼ robbers and cowards by vintagehistories / @adoredontour

(E, 33k, enemies with benefits) a modern day robin hood au where louis and harry (don’t really) hate each other but they hate greedy billionaires more

▼ Have You Coming Back Again by whoknows / @crazyupsetter

(E, 31k, uni au) It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

▼ the evenness i fake by @shimmeringevil 

(E, 26k, a/b/o) Harry doesn’t do relationships. He has a perfectly enjoyable friends-with-benefits agreement with a perfectly lovely omega, and he doesn’t see the need to change that anytime soon. 

▼ Play the Odds by @alivingfire

(M, 25k, bet) Harry and Louis are best friends since childhood who, after a night of drinking, find themselves locked in a bet: first one to kiss the other a thousand times wins.

▼ Saw It In Your Eyes by @taggiecb

(E, 15k, roommates) the one where Harry is an oblivious walnut.

▼ Rendezvous by Speechless / @smokingluckiesalltheway

(E, 15k, date crashing) Louis hates Harry so much that he likes to sabotage all his dates pretending he is his boyfriend.

▼ in the pub that we met he’s got his arms around you by fearsparks / @onlythebravest

(T, 13k, uni au) Harry's best friend Louis comes to visit him where he attends uni, meets Harry's friends, who point out that they don't know what platonic means.

▼ Waiting by @allwaswell16

(E, 10k, a/b/o) The six weeks that Harry has to live with Louis were going to be rough.

▼ You can remain unaware (if you want) by harryanthus

(NR, 7k, soulmates) the au where soul marks get coloured when they realise they’re in love with their soul mate and Harry has a coloured soul mark, Louis doesn’t.

▼ it's always have and never hold, you began to feel like home by lumineres

(T, 6k, pining Harry) Louis and Harry are best friends, they go for chocolate milk at 2 AM. Shenanigans ensue.

▼ Sweater Weather [L.S.] by appythealpaca

(T, 5k, girl Harry) Harry is Louis's lovely and... that's it.

▼ If I Can't Have You by Janie_17

(T, 2k, misunderstandings) After Harry turns him down, going out for Karaoke is the last thing Louis wants to do, but his friends are persuasive.

▼ sorry for... by stretchmybones / @harryslonecurl

(M, 1k, roommates) How else was Harry supposed to apologize properly? He was indeed a stress baker. 

▼ close enough to touch, but I never cared for love by @femstyles

(T, 759 words, oblivious Louis) Louis doesn't want to be in love, but Harry might be on to something.

—Rare Pairs—

▼ Long As There Are Stars Above You by alienharry

(E, 50k, Zayn/Liam) Zayn's just finished his undergrad and is ready to stop messing around with strangers and get more serious about his studies as he prepares for his dream job. No relationships, no sex. Which is harder than it sounds when Liam Payne comes into his life.

▼ The Long Way Round by Anonymous 

(E, 18k, Liam/Harry) Liam and Harry aren't dating, honestly, it's just that everybody thinks they are. Everybody, that is, except Liam.

▼ i should ink my skin with your name by crucios

(M, 10k, Harry/Nick Grimshaw) the one where everyone but them knows they're dating

[classicschronicles]

Hi lovelies,

I feel like I’ve just returned from ‘buying the milk’. I’m sorry I disappeared for *checks notes* 11 months, but it’s been a hectic year. I feel like if I get into it I’ll sound like an AO3 author, so here are some very quick highlights- I have just finished my first year studying Classics at university, I qualified as a fitness instructor (which is a side quest nobody asked for), I’ve become a theatre kid again, and I finally watched Game of Thrones. Studying Classics at uni is basically telling everyone that you study Classics at uni and then getting one of two reactions- “What is that? What kind of job are you going to et with that?”. To which I have no response, because honestly I’m not sure. Or the ever famous- “Oh like The Secret History?”. To which I cry inside because it is nothing like The Secret History. It is actually reading so much Thucydides that he becomes your sleep paralysis demon, and having to translate so much Caesar and Cicero that your daydreams become wishing you were in the Theatre of Pompey on March 15th 44 BC… for no particular reason. And also crying at 3am whilst you try to delude yourself into thinking that this is so dark academia core (spoiler- it’s not). All that being said- this has actually been one of the best years of my life and I am so happy I get to study what I love.

Anyways, I feel like we’re missing the most important part- and that is of course Game of Thrones. Guys. I have a crush on Jaime Lannister. HEAR ME OUT! I can fix him! I promise. I just need one chance. But also, I would fight him because why did he do my girl Brienne like that. Anyone who makes her cry can fight me fr. You know what made me cry though- Shireen Baratheon. What the fuck was that. And Ser Davaos’ finding out and his whole “I loved that girl like she was my own”. BAWLED. Anyways, it might surprise you to know that her death was actually based on a very famous greek myth- the myth of Iphigenia. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

Iphigenia’s story finds its beginnings in another myth entirely- the myth of Agamemnon and the Deer. Quick fun fact- the movie ‘Killing of A Sacred Deer’ is actually based loosely on this. The story goes that Agamemnon, out hunting one day, killed a deer belonging to the Goddess Artemis. This angered Artemis, not least because the deer was pregnant and Agamemnon’s little hunting accident killed both the mother and the baby.

Fast forward to some time later, Agamemnon launches a thousand ships to save his sister-in-law Helen from the Trojans at the behest of his brother Menelaus, and also the whole blood oath situation. The Spartans and the Mycenaeans make camp at the island of Aulis whilst they wait for the rest of the fleet to arrive, only to find that when they are ready to set sail once more, they cannot leave the island. There is not wind to push their ships, the air hot and heavy and remarkably still. This goes on for quite some time. Eventually Agamemnon consults the priest Calchas who tells him that the Gods (Artemis) are angry with him and demand a sacrifice. More specifically, the sacrifice of a virgin. This is also where some accounts differ- some claim that it could be any female virgin, some say that it had to be Agamemnon’s eldest daughter. In all honesty, I think the latter is probably more accurate because of the level of hesitation he shows before he makes his final decision. If he could sacrifice any virgin I don’t really think he would care.

Anyways, he obviously cant just write to his wife and say “hey babe can you please ship our eldest daughter over, I want to sacrifice her xoxo”. So he instead he comes out with an altogether more devious plan, and that is to tell his wife that the Prince Achilles wishes to marry Iphigenia before they sail for Troy. Both Iphigenia and Clytemnestra are of course overjoyed that she should marry ‘the best of the Greeks’ and she comes to Aulis where the army wait for her.

This is where it starts to break my heart a bit. On the morning of Iphigenia’s wedding day, Clytemnestra dresses her daughter and prepares her. She, of course, does not know that she is preparing her child for death. Her fathers men come to her tent and escort her and her mother to the alter. However, she never gets to say her vows because as soon as she steps onto the platform, they cut her throat and spill her blood as an offering to Artemis. Her mother is of course beside herself with shock and grief, but her husband does little to comfort her, telling her only that Artemis is appeased, and with the return of the wind he is leaving for Troy.

Euripides’ Iphigenia at Aulis, differs from this account and tells the story that on the morning of her supposed wedding, Iphigenia was aware of her fathers plan to sacrifice her and accepts with stoicism and all the bravery of a child put in an impossible position. He writes the following, heartbreaking, lines:

Iphigenia- “If only I could sing like Orpheus, father! Orpheus, who could charm even the heartless rocks into following him! If I could use such a voice and have everyone charmed, have them convinced to agree with me and follow me, then I would use that voice. But I have no such skill. The only voice I have, father, my only skill, is in my tears and, here, father, I’m giving them to you! I’m giving you my tears! I’m giving you all I have! She leans before him and embraces his knees Here, father, here is the body of a suppliant! Here is the body that your wife has given birth to. I wrap its limbs around your knees and beg you: Please father, do not cut off my life short. Let me enjoy the sweet light of day and do not force me to enter the world beneath the earth. I’m your first one, father! The first one to call you father, the first one you called daughter. Me, father! I was the first to play on your knees, the first one of your children to enjoy your love and the first one to give you a child’s love. Remember, father? You used to ask me, “I wonder, my darling, will I get to see you married one day, married and settled happily in your husband’s home, your life ever blossoming, making me proud of you?��� And I’d touch your chin, my father, hang from your beard, father, like I’m doing now and say, “and what about you, father, will I get to see you, father, an old man, visiting me at my house, ready for me to repay you for your hard work in raising me?” No, you don’t remember these words, father. I do but you don’t! You’ve forgotten them and so, now, you want to kill me. Please, father! Please, in the name of Pelops and of Atreus who is your father, I beg you! Please don’t do it! And I beg you also for my mother’s sake, the woman who laboured to bring me to life, the woman who is being tortured even now. I beg you, father! What does my life have to do with the marriage of Paris and Helen father? Why has their marriage brought about my death, father? Agamemnon turns away. She continues despondently. Come, then, father, turn to me and give me a final kiss. A kiss to remember you by in the underworld, since my words have not convinced you. Agamemnon does not move. She goes over to her mother and takes baby Orestes in her arms. She swings him, sadly, gently back and forth and leans over him as she speaks to him What a weak little helper you are, my tiny brother! Won’t you cry with me, Orestes? Come on, won’t you beg your father not to kill your big sister? Come on, Orestes, even babies know when there’s trouble around! Ha! See, father? Orestes is begging you, too! Begging you by his silence. Do you not care about me any more? Spare my young life, father. Spare me! Here! Look here, father! Here are the two of us, one’s a baby, the other a grown up girl, a brother and a sister, both your children, begging you, by your beard, pleading with you… She turns and looks sadly around her, then up at the sun. That! Up there is my final argument. That light, this light all around us, will cut all other arguments to pieces. This light is the sweetest thing that can fill the eyes! The world beneath the earth is a world of nothing. Only fools would pray to go down there. I’d rather live a life full of misery than die a hero’s death!

If that doesn’t make you cry I don’t know what will. And then to top it off he follows it up 200 lines later this this tear jerker:

“C- What report shall I give to your sisters?

I-Do not dress them either in black garments.

C-Is there any word of love from you I should give the girls?

I-Bid them farewell; and make sure you bring up Orestes as a man!

C-You look at him for the last time- hold him tight!

I-(holding Orestes close): Darling boy, you helped you dear sister as much as you could!

…

I-Who will come to take me there before they drag me by the hair?

C-I will be at your side…

I-No, not you- that would not be right!

C-…holding on to your clothes!

I-Mother, oblige me in this: stay here! This is the nobler course for me and for you. Let one of my father’s attendants here escort to Artemis’ meadow where I shall be sacrificed.

(Iphigenia begins to move away from a crying Clytemnestra)

C-O my child, are you going?

I-Yes, and never shall I come back.

C-You will leave your mother?

I-Yes, as you see, we do not deserve this.

C-Wait- don’t abandon me!

I-I forbid you to shed tears. (C sinks to the ground)”.

In every version you read, however, sacrificing his daughter is not a choice that Agamemnon takes lightly. He is torn between sacrificing his daughter and angering his wife- but winning glory for the Greeks, or saving his daughter, but abandoning his men. As a father, he made the wrong choice, but as a king some would argue that he did what was expected of him.

I do like, however, in Euripides’ version the character of Achilles. He is adamant that he will not be privy to the murder of Iphigenia. He tries so very hard to save her and to offer comfort to Clytemnestra and genuinely I think that this might be one of the loveliest most favourable depictions of him.

This myth then gives way to part of the Oresteia trilogy and many many retellings of her Iphigenia’s story- every single one of which always make me want to cry. I can’t explain what it is- I know that the whole point of tragedy is that build up and release of emotion but no tragedy has every made me actually sad other than Iphigenia at Aulis.

Anyways, you can imagine my absolute horror when I watched S5 EP9 and saw Shireen tied to the alter, literally gave myself whiplash with how quickly I tried to look away from the screen.

I would say I hope you enjoyed reading about Iphigenia, but if you did you’re an absolute psycho! The two translations I used are from PoetryInTranlsation and Penguin’s 2005 edition “The Bacchae and Other Plays”. Hopefully, now that I’ve posted again I’ll try and be more regular with it and I hope you all have a lovely lovely week <33

~Z

[fanficshiddles]

Eternally Mine, Chapter 25

WARNING: Mentions of miscarriage and abuse.

-

Louise was visibly nervous, Chris assured her again that she didn’t need to tell him about anything she didn’t want to. But she did want to, she wanted to share with him and hoped it would help him understand why she was the way she was sometimes.

‘Would you… be more comfortable on my lap again?’ Chris asked with a cheeky smile.

Louise blushed and nodded with a giggle. ‘You are very comfy and cosy.’

Chris wrapped his arms around her to pull her onto his lap. He held her snugly against his chest, feeling her relax as he stroked her back softly. She lay her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath.

‘I… I guess starting from the beginning is best.’ She sighed. ‘We were in secondary school, I was sixteen, Ray was eighteen. He was one of the cool guys. For some reason he seemed to take an interest in me. I thought it was great, that an older kid like him was into me. Claire was a big supporter at the start, I know she beats herself up over it now, for saying I should go for it when he asked me out one day.

It went ok at first, we went on some dates… though thinking back, they were rubbish dates. We always split the bill, which was fine. Though after a while he told me I should be paying for both of us, since in the future he’d be the one providing for me. I didn’t think much of it really, I had a part time job with no rent to pay as I lived with my parents so it was fine. The thought that he was thinking of the future made me feel special.

When we started sleeping together, it was never great. Quick and just about his pleasure. Though things turned after we started getting intimate. He began telling me how to dress and he made me stop dyeing my hair, had to take out my nose piercing and earrings as he found them horrible. I don’t know why I did it, I was young and stupidly blind for him. I moved in with him as he had the whole basement to himself at his parents’ house, a kitchen and bathroom included. That was within four months, way too fast.

I finished school and began work, at a restaurant. Wanted to save up to go to college or Uni. He didn’t like me working though, said I should stay home and keep the place clean and tidy for him. Even though he himself didn’t have a job at that point. Eventually, he did get a job in his father’s company, so we moved into our own bungalow.

He was never affectionate with me, never once even told me he loved me… Made me believe that no other man would want to be with me, that he was doing me a favour by being my partner. Never wanted to be seen holding my hand in public, said I was an embarrassment. I tried losing weight for him, thinking it would help, but it didn’t.

He made me quit my job in time, and slowly I saw less of Claire and our parents, friends, other family. Even to the point of locking me in the house most days, saying it was for my own safety. He didn’t like me having hobbies, said that gaming was childish so I didn’t even have anything to do apart from clean.

I ended up pregnant when I was twenty-one. I wasn’t really wanting a child at that point, though he desperately did. I selfishly thought having a baby would make him love me… If that poor child had been born, I dread to think…’ Louise paused a moment and tried to hold back her tears.

Chris cradled the back of her head and kissed her forehead.

‘I had a miscarriage. He blamed me, said I was a failure of a woman as I couldn’t even carry a baby to full term. He… he beat me black and blue that day. He kicked me so bad in my abdomen, the pain was indescribable. I begged him for days to take me to the hospital as I was in agony, but he refused and said it was punishment for killing his baby.’

Chris had to withhold his rage and sadness. He couldn’t believe how this monster had treated Louise. How anyone could treat someone like that.

‘Claire then came round one day, to find me locked inside. I was in so much pain still, and tried to put on a brave face but she saw right through it. The police came and bust down the door, got me straight to hospital. I had to get some surgery to repair some tendon and muscle damage in my abdomen. The doctor said it’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to have a child because of it… My periods are all over the place, too. And mentally, I don't want to have kids. So… I don’t know if you ever want kids, but I… I don’t think I can give you that, I’m sorry.’

‘Pumpkin, do not apologise for something that is not your fault.’ Chris cupped her face and had her look at him. ‘None of this is your fault. You never apologise for things that are out of your control, that are caused by him. I’m so, so sorry you had to go through this. I can’t imagine how scary and confusing it must have been.’

‘I just wish I had gotten out sooner. I should have listened to Claire and our friends, after just a few months they realised that he wasn’t all he seemed to be. Said he was shitty for making me pay for the dates, that I didn’t seem myself. I just… I was so fucking blind.’

‘That’s how they work, abusers. They manipulate you so well into believing whatever they want you to believe.’ Chris said softly.

Louise nodded. ‘I was so relieved when he was arrested. Though when he got out on a technicality, I was terrified again. Went into hiding. I wouldn’t even walk to work, just fifteen minutes away. I drove all the time, stayed in at weekends and evenings. Even before he got out, I was scared to go out and about, though Claire did manage to slowly get me out shopping and stuff.

The day though that Claire phoned me to tell me he was dead. The relief, the weight off my shoulders…’ Louise smiled and laughed a little. ‘I just. Felt so free, for the first time since I started dating him, really. All thanks to you.’

Chris brushed her cheek with his thumb. ‘I only wish I had tortured him more. Oh, what I’d give to go back in time.’ Chris growled.

‘Do you think your instincts knew back then that I was your soulmate and he was connected? If he had been some random, would you have still killed him?’ Louise asked.

Chris rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. ‘I wish I could say there was truth in that… but honestly, there was a stranger on my property and a potential threat to my students, plus I was in the mood to… y’know. I likely would’ve killed whoever it was. Though I was enraged more because he was looking for Claire, I thought he was her husband and she was having an affair with Loki or something and he didn’t know.’

Louise laughed. ‘Really? So you were looking out for your brother, though.’

‘I guess so.’ He hummed.

‘Well, there you go. It wasn’t completely just for the sake of killing. For Loki and your students.’ Louise smiled.

‘Perhaps… Still doesn’t change the fact I wish I could go back and do a better job of it. I hate what he put you through… You’re my soulmate, I should have protected you.’ Chris sounded a bit pained.

‘Chris… you didn’t know me, I didn’t know you. There’s nothing you could have done, it’s just… something that happened. You’re protecting me now though, you still saved me.’ She smiled and put her arms around his neck.

Chris smiled and pressed his forehead against hers.

‘I apologise if I ever make you uncomfortable, I know I tend to be a bit over possessive. I wouldn’t want to… trigger you. Please tell me if I ever do.’

‘You haven’t. I actually like it… He never wanted me, he was never like that. It’s… nice to be wanted. When you call me your human, I love it.’ She blushed hard. ‘The fact you already remember my favourite chocolates, how you want to hold my hand in public and the fun teasing. I’m not used to it, but I love it.’

Chris felt his heart melt. ‘When you decorated me with the decorations, you were a little unsure at first, weren’t you?’

Louise nodded. ‘I… I tried playing fun little pranks with him. Nothing drastic or that would hurt him, but he would go ballistic at the slightest thing.’

‘Well, I certainly hope that you’ll get accustomed to affection, even in public, I can’t keep my hands off you. I want to spoil you rotten, Louise. It sounds like you missed out a lot on your young adult life, hopefully we can make up for that together.’

Louise teared up a little bit again. ‘I hope so too.’

Chris pulled her in flush against him for the longest hug. Then when she leaned back slightly, they kissed softly for a little while.

‘I… I know from what Claire has told me that it’s probably not easy for you, going so slow, which I am sorry about.’

Chris put his finger over her lips. ‘Ah, ah. Like I said, don’t apologise for something that’s not your fault. We will go as slow as you want and need to. My vampire instincts are not for you to worry about, they’re my issue… Besides, that’s why I always have vaseline in my pocket if your scent gets too overwhelming for me and I’m worried about jumping you.’ He smirked and winked at her, making her giggle.

Chris noticed for the duration of the evening that Louise seemed even more relaxed than ever now she had told him more in depth about her past. Like she had been wanting to get it off her chest for a while.

Their food arrived shortly after so they ate through in the dining room. Then they decided to watch another movie, though they both decided on a comedy. Afterwards they talked some more about general stuff, just enjoying one another’s company. Their conversation just kept flowing so well, before they both knew it, it was already one in the morning.

It wasn’t until Bat was scowling at them and yowled loudly as she sat in the doorway of the living room, her tail thumped against the laminate floor, they realised the time.

‘Is this your way of saying it’s bed time?’ Chris asked Bat.

Bat yelled at them again and made her way upstairs.

‘She’s a good chaperone, that’s for sure.’ Louise laughed, then she yawned. ‘Maybe it is bed time.’

Chris agreed, so they made their way upstairs.

‘Do you mind if I take the front spare room?’ Louise asked when they reached the top of the stairs.

‘Not at all.’ Chris smiled at her and cupped her cheek.

He leaned down and kissed her on the lips, lingering for a moment. ‘Goodnight, pumpkin. I’ll see you in the morning.’

‘Night, my Prince Charming.’ She grinned up at him.

When Louise made her way to the bedroom, she stopped at the door and turned back around to face him. Bat had been waiting up on the landing for them and she looked between Chris and Louise, then walked towards Louise.

‘Do you have to rush off in the morning or will you be around for a while?’ She asked.

‘I’ll be hanging around for a while, if you want me to.’

Louise nodded eagerly. ‘Of course.’

Bat looked up at Louise and meowed at her, then pawed her legs to try and get her into the bedroom.

‘Geez, ok, Bat. I’m going, I’m going.’ She laughed.

‘Bat is taking this job way too seriously.’ Chris called to her as she headed into the bedroom.

‘Agreed!’ She called back.

-

Chris struggled to get to sleep, he wasn’t sure if it was because of what Louise had told him about her past, he kept thinking about that asshole Ray... Or if it was because she was just down the hall from him, and he was longing just to be holding her.

He got up to go to the bathroom, and had to pass by her room. It was only just after two, now. Though as he went past her room, he noticed she had a light on from under the door and he could hear her breathing heavy, sounding a little distressed.

‘Louise?’ He called out gently as he knocked on the door.

‘Y… Yeah?’ She called back, she sounded like she had been crying.

‘Are you ok?’

‘I… yeah… kind of… I would come and open the door but Bat is lying on me. You can come in.’ She called to him, her voice was shaky.

Chris opened the door, he saw her sitting up in bed. Bat was sitting on her with her paws up at her chest, she was purring and nudging her chin, reassuring her.

‘What’s wrong? Has something happened?’ Chris asked with a frown, concerned.

‘No, nothing… Just a nightmare… The same one I have almost every night.’ She breathed out unevenly. ‘I rarely get a full night’s sleep as it is, this nightmare… Ray. He finds me again. I thought when he died it would stop, but it hasn’t.’ She said quietly, she was a little bit distracted seeing Chris in just his boxers, though she tried not to stare.

Chris sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her arm. Bat turned on Louise’s lap and looked at Chris, she just stared at him for a second and then jumped down off the bed with a little soft meow and sauntered out of the room.

Chris looked after the cat with a puzzled look, then he shuffled up the bed further and put his arms out, Louise moved round onto her knees and into his embrace. She instantly felt better in his arms as she buried her face into his neck, her new favourite place.

‘I know saying it’s just a nightmare won’t do anything. That he really can’t hurt you anymore. I wish I could chase it away permanently.’ Chris spoke softly and rubbed her back in circles.

‘Would… would you… sleep in here with me? Only if you want to, if you’re ok with it…’ Louise asked shyly.

Chris couldn’t help but smile widely. ‘Of course. I couldn’t really sleep, to be honest. I think it was a mix from hearing your story and also knowing you were under the same roof, but not in my arms.’ He admitted with a little blush of his own.

Louise’s heart melted.

Chris climbed over her to the other side of the bed, he slipped under the covers and she shuffled in close to him as he slipped his arm around her.

‘Oh wow, this bed is like a damn marshmallow. Is that why you wanted this room, huh?’ Chris smirked.

‘Yeah… perhaps.’ Louise said sheepishly.

‘Cheeky. Keeping it all to yourself.’ Chris growled a little and dug his fingers into her side briefly, making her laugh and squirm.

‘I always go for this room when I’m staying over.’

‘Noted. The other bed is like a rock, though that’s the one that Loki set up for me when I stayed once before to watch Bat. He still hates me, clearly. Hiding this wonder from me.’ Chris sighed in contentment as he shuffled deeper into the bed, making Louise laugh more.

She couldn’t stop looking at his chest, the part that was exposed from the duvet, anyway. She had her hand lightly resting on him and she began tracing over some of his tattoos.

‘I’ve always wanted a tattoo.’ She said quietly as her fingers moved along up over his shoulder.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ She nodded.

‘Well, there’s nothing stopping you if you want one.’ He smiled. ‘We could go together if you decide you do want to get.’

‘Do you have any space on your body for more?’ She teased and raised her head to look at him.

‘I think there’s still room on my ass.’ Chris chuckled.

Louise laughed and lay her head back down on his chest. He rubbed her arm gently, holding her close to him. It felt so right, so perfect. Strangely, he didn’t feel frustrated at having her so close but being unable to do what his vampire instincts wanted, he felt really at peace. For the first time ever.

They both slept soundly through the rest of the night.

[eldenringslut]

Hey people, sorry I’ve been away so long. Uni has been inverting my legs recently so I only managed to finish AC6 last night.

These will be my (spoiler free) thoughts on AC6 as a long-time Fromsoftware and souls game fan. And as someone who has never played another Armored Core game before.

The first thing to realize is that, more so than any other fromsoft game, AC6 is NOT a souls game. It doesn’t play like one and it doesn’t feel like one. It is different on a very fundamental level. The combat, the exploration, the gameplay loop, the controls and the customisation, all of these are vastly different to what you’d find in a souls game.

Now this isn’t a bug, it’s a feature. Fromsoftware are clearly going for something different here, and so long as you don’t go in expecting a souls game you wont be disappointed (although the banging-your-head-against-a-wall bosses remain and still feel amazing to finally beat).

Now for the most important part (in my opinion), is the game fun? FUCK YES!!!

The combat system and controls take some getting used to, but after that the gameplay loop quickly becomes addictive. Even before you enter a mission you are constantly building, customising and testing new equipment. The game does an excellent job of incentivising customisation, with every setup having advantages and disadvantages that are needed for specific scenarios.

The game lets you save multiple setups and easily swap between them as needed. This eventually gets to the point where you’ll have multiple ACs set up, and will be theorising about what you’ll need and which one to bring before the mission even starts. Even better is that if you ever die, the game will let you change your setup before respawing at the last checkpoint. Without having to restart the mission.

This loop is perpetuated by how you’re constantly unlocking new parts. So it will take a long time before you exhaust all your customization options. And i cannot tell you how awesome it feels to slowly and precisely tailor the perfect AC setup for a specific boss and then finally beat them.

The story, music and art direction are, as expected from a Fromsoft game, all fucking amazing. The story is similar to Sekiro’s in that the main plot is told to you pretty directly, but you can still uncover a wealth of other information by reading logs and item descriptions. The game even incentivises this, rewarding you with parts for finding audio logs. There are several bosses that are so goddamn cool to fight that i didn’t even mind when they turn me into whipped cream. The game also has great replayability, with multiple possible mission paths and 3 endings (one of which includes several unique missions that can only be played in ng++).

Now obviously the game isn’t perfect. Some of the missions are objective defensive and can be kind of annoying. And for some of the bosses the best strategy is just to be as tanky as possible and just outgun them (which can be kind of boring). This is also a problem in PVP, with the meta setups being far too oppressive and skill mattering too little for my taste.

Additionally, you really don’t have that same sense of fear and caution you get from playing a souls game. You are much more likely to be worn down over the course of a mission (running out of ammo or health) than to die to any one tough enemy. The low ammo capacity of some weapons can also make them unusable in certain scenarios, which can be a bit annoying.

Overall however, this game is one of the best I’ve ever played and I 100% recommend it. The game is so good that it’s making we want to go back and replay missions to find all the secrets i missed. I recommend it whether or not you’re a souls fan.

9/10 absolutely fucking amazing.

[meabh-mcinness]

Hello to those who follow me!

As you may (or may not) have seen I was gone for a month? Two? Anyways the reason I was gone was because I decided I didn’t want to just sit around anymore just going from job to job and that I wanted to actually fight for a job in a field that I would enjoy. I did briefly think about becoming an author for my own novels (I even have a few outlined that I might publish at some point just because) but I’m well aware that the writing field is actually skewed towards people with connections and as a homeschooled introvert I had none and even if I did manage to find a publisher who would take me there was no guarantee my books would do well in the first place. And while I wholly agree that people should have jobs that make them happy regardless of the income I’m also aware enough that money is something that is needed to survive in the current society we live in and I don’t like continually asking my family for money.

As such I decided to enroll into a University! I will be majoring in Integrative Biology where I will hopefully go on to either transfer or get my masters in Paleontology so that I can work with dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures and plants! My other option if I can’t find a decent college of uni for that is to go into archaeology! (Can you tell I like old things ^^;)

I will of course still be writing for the M!IK fandom and will potentially even expand to other fandoms in the future. I have several grievances with the Harry Potter, Twilight, and Inuyasha books/movies so I will probably write in their fandoms eventually. Speaking of I actually have a few almost finished works that I will be posting at some point within the next few weeks including but not limited to Queen B*tch, The Cost of Freedom, and another surprise one!

Thank you again to everyone who sent messages to check in on me and I hope you are all doing well!

[bonnienapierfilm]

LONGBOARD NIGHTS PT.2 [JANUARY]

"A self-doubting Husk hunter has to face their trauma when the partner they rely on is injured during an infected house breaching"

(original logline that has now change a lil)

I have been working on the script for Longboard Nights for around a month now, maybe a little more. It has definitely been more of a challenge that I'd thought it would be, considering I had already written a 10 page screenplay on LN (Longboard Nights) in Film Production Management a while back, though the ideas are more developed and different now.

I firstly want to mention, before I get into the nitty gritty of writing, that Ben McMorran is a pleasure to work with, I haven't felt such positivity from a director ever! I have never been called King so many times, I love it. He really has a vision for this project, I actually call it his baby sometimes, he nurtures it like a real human baby that needs like food and water and burping (this makes no sense but needed a strong simile to really get the idea across). In addition to Mr Mcmorran, Jack and Beth are producing LN, I have complete faith putting this tough challenge in their hands. Alex is cinematographer and I've already head some of the plans for the visual style of the film, which all sound so experimental and prettttyyyyyy!

Anyways, writing has been a journey. I definitely should have started writing long before I did, I think Ben hinted at starting before Christmas but silly ole me wanted to completely forget about uni until term started again. But got my finger out eventually.

I started with some meetings with Ben about world-building, because I was finding myself lost when trying to begin writing, I didn't have a full understanding of the world. He eventually put together a book on The World of Longboard Nights, so helpful! I have usually had this open whilst writing. Ben also put together things I could watch and read for inspirations, like Arcane and the 4-6 minute shorts the same creators make, which were great because they dealt with character arcs well in such short time, without any story feeling too rushed or sparse. I eventually got Draft 1 finished.

I also sent Draft 1 to Kate to get feedback in writing class, which I've really been enjoying. Kate proposed the, at first, horrific idea to completely change the dynamics of the characters, this meant changing a lot of dialogue and general action in the script. We talked it through and she was definitely right with the idea. To break it down a little... Alex (she/her, protagonist) is an unconfident character, who thinks she needs to fight a Husk to overcome her trauma. Casca (they/them) is a confident and skilled Husk Hunter, who finally brings Alex along on a job after her asking for so long. So, what Kate proposed was switching the character traits, and having Alex more confident and a regular Husk Hunter, and Casca is less into the job and more shy. This means when we have Alex's arc after she freezes up and fails to fight the Husk, resulting in Casca getting injured, it's more surprising and a stronger moment, as we didn't expect her to freeze and she is so confident and trained in combat. Ben was also happy with this change.

Anyways I am a few drafts down now, and will have the final draft completed by Saturday 11th (Bob Marleys birthday). I will do a separate post and more in-depth post about the writing process in terms of story and characters, this is just a vague update :)

I am also doing production design for this project, which I am SO EXCITED to begin planning, I have so many ideas!!!!

[foxiepirate]

Dinner tonight was so funny/awkward . Let me set the scene:

My parents are separated because my dad sucks

Last night , our mom told us she’s getting evicted

This morning, my dad lost his job

My dad begged to come over for dinner , mom said yes

Okay so basically, my dad was fired from his job like early this morning and is super sad about it . He’s also super sad about the divorce stuff and he pestered my mom until she agreed to let him over . He decided he was gonna come around 3 , so we put on star wars while waiting for dinner . My parents are awkward and sad because shitty stuff is going on , and I’m just soaking in these gross feeling . Eventually my mom decided to cook dinner , and there was no way my ass was dealing with that sober , so I took three blinkers and sat down . It was funny cause please imagine this terrible awful mood coming from 4 ppl around a dinner table , and then me , high as fuck , just going on about the most random shit . It’s not funny in the hahahha funny but in the , the “I’m 19 years old , just finished my first year of uni , and am the only one in my householdS with a job so I’m now supporting four people and wtf is going on” kinda funny . Anyways this sucks .

My mom worked a deal with the courts , so she has a little more time to pay her rent but she’s not doing anything about it, so I have to find a way to pay it or she’s gonna be fucking homeless . I have no idea what’s going on with my dad , but his family is rich rich so he’ll manage . I’m also tryna get a car cause my dad won’t let me borrow one of his unless I let him have my location and I won’t because he’s an abusive fuck and a control freak . My siblings won’t get jobs either , like , my sister is 20 years old , a college drop out , and she refuses to get a fucking job . Girl ??? And my brother , honestly he’s the most innocent in this , bros still got a year of hs left so I’m not mad at him . But like ugh . This sucks lol . I said I’m 19 but I haven’t even hit that yet . I feel like I’m barely an adult worrying about things I shouldn’t have to . And obviously other have it worse , blah blah blah . This still fucking sucks . I’d been helping my mom pay her rent while I was still in school , plus my dad randomly takes my money (him and my mom have access to my bank account) so I don’t have a lot of money rn . Like yes I have a job , but I’m not making that much . And now I need a second job because ughh . And idk what I’m gonna do about school because I can’t fucking afford that . My dad was gonna pay it but he’s unemployed now so obviously I gotta figure my own shit out and ong the only doable option at this point is the fucking military .

[voxelfoxkae]

LOTS of words I need to get out of my system regarding my previous job and how I got there.

I went to uni for computer science. After a few months, I worked out that I needed money. I picked up a job at the nightclub on campus. I was pretty good at it. They moved me to a supervisor. When I finished my degree, they offered me a job as a manager (+ a few months of Covid inbetween).

I had no experience being a manager, but they assured me that I was more than capable and that they would support me in this role. Turns out: that was bullshit.

I don't want to say I was bad at my job, but they certainly made it out that way. I was constantly overwhelmed; nothing I did ever good enough. They had so many expecations of me that were either out of reach without support (which they failed to give) or unrealistic in general. They put so much for me to do on fuckin "35 hours a week" (a normal 40 hour work week with an hour's lunch per day) that it was ridiculous. I was 22 working 60/80 hour weeks. All the time. Being paid for 35.

Apparently, they eventually decided that having me around was no longer something they wanted and I learned about the wonders of being "managed out", where a job is made so bullshit that you no longer want to work there and you just quit. Saves them firing you (which means you don't get the protections that come along with it).

But I did just that. I quit. I knew I was going to quit when they yelled at me for something and I left the office to go and sit in my car and cry. Granted, there were probably signs before then that I should have paid attention to, but that's the one that pegged it.

I gave in my notice, I worked one (1) more week, and then used all of my holiday on leaving immediately (because of course I didn't have time to take any fuckin holiday either).

Since then I have gotten a new job doing much the same thing, but the difference here is that I am being taught new things and I am being supported. I am content. I am happy. And people here are happy with me. Like, I am surprisingly frequently getting comments and compliments on how well I work and how competent I am and the knowledge I have, and these are legitimately not even things I had considered about myself. Because of where I was previously and the expectations laid on me that I always failed, I had just gotten it ingrained into me that I was just shit at my job and awful at the whole thing.

It's... nice. I like this.

My previous workplace replaced me with one of the staff members I was managing, and as it turns out, they deeply underestimated how competent I was. This staff member is lovely and I adore them greatly, and we are wonderful friends, but she is not up to the standard that I was at. They had her on a six-month contract which has now expired and neither her or them want to renew it. And they are replacing my job with... TWO jobs. That's right: they determined the amount of work they were giving me as a first-time manager is worth that of two experienced managers.

Hilarious.

Anyway I got this in my mind because I was going to offer them help over freshers week, but reading back through some emails I had in order to find a contact I remembered all of this bullshit.

So ya. Brain go brrrr.

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

tomorrow is 1 month. 1 month to the day until you're here.

after tomorrow, it's easy. weeks. days. minutes. until i'm in your arms.

i dont know if i've ever waited so long for something. definitely finishing high school lol. other than that.. our whole story has been longer than it took me to complete uni. how wild is that. and i've been pretty good about not thinking about what happens after. there's still so much planning and stuff to take care of and things to sort. so i'm keeping busy with that. i also love how much more active you've been in the weekender chat. reaching out to my friends for things etc. you've been on top of it and i really, really love that. you're not asking me to message them, you're doing it. ugh. i love it.

i can't help thinking though. is this it. are you my person. IDK. and i know it doesn't matter, i'm still soooo young i could have 5 persons after you. it's more likely than not knowing me. i honestly get bored easily and as much as i want to "settle down" eventually, i also don't. i'm such a free spirit. i need someone who wants to be a free spirit with me AND adult with me. i'm finding that is soooo hard to find. someone who wants to do last minute crazy shit and spend all our money on traveling and having fun, and maybe have a family but not give up all the things we love, in moderation of course. like how does that work. need that 7 fig salary lol.

and as much as i absolutely love my life right now, i can't take anything off the table. would i move to london again? maybe. idk what i'd do with felix i couldn't leave him.. people move continents with pets all the time. i'm sure it would be fine. but fuck. starting my whole life over again basically. new job, new friends. it just seems like a lot. as much as i loved living in europe, my family is here. and i dont just mean my mom, but my chosen family. i would be so fricken far away from them. see them maybe 2-3 if that times a year. but i'd also be closer to lena and pati. maybe i'd see them 5-6 times a year. but right now, i get to see my family 2-3 times a month, if not more. that's such a huge difference.

i know i'm getting way ahead of myself, but i'm a planner. i need to calculate these things. see what's feasible. i would have to save a shit ton of money to move to london. maybe try to find a job beforehand. idk how easy it would be to get a work visa but apparently it's not that hard. or would brandon move here? literally no friends, far from his parents. it's hard. i hate distance so much. but i also love that he's from the UK and lives in europe and even though im finding out has been basically nowhere LOL, it's such an important factor for me idk why. i find the guys who have just lived in canada or a few cities in canada are so.. bleh. i need someone who's cultured. and vacationing in europe a few times doesn't count. i just relate to europeans so much more i think. i have the mindset. i live it. i love it. it's just, me.

anyways, this is a future me problem. maybe brandon comes and has a blast and that's good and wants to keep things the way they are. stay close friends across continents and see each other for shows and plan trips and keep it as is. which wouldn't be awful. but i think i would need more eventually. i think. idk. who the fuck knows. i just know i'm falling in love and i should just enjoy feeling this way because it's god damn wonderful.

[snowddeong]

I'm not feeling much better and my irl situation keeps getting worse so I think for now I won't be writing drabbles on tumblr. For a bit anyway. I love writing lil dumbass stories A LOT but the mental strain of having to fist fight my self esteem is getting a bit much. I need to keep writing to improve but I think as things are upstairs it's better to divert the little energy I have left to eventually finishing Jacket and starting on one of the multichap projects I've been wanting to write.

I'm not sure how many people care lmao but I did get most of my followers off stuff like yamo part 1 and the secretary au so ig this is just a heads up to anyone waiting for more that there might not be more for a WHILE. At the very least not until I finish Jacket and who knows when that'll be. Not to mention uni and finding a job cause I have those to deal with too.

As for the ryeji day drabble I'll still work on it, though it might be posted as a whole fic not just the one moment that was voted for. I'd like to do another poll some day but that'll be when I feel okay I think. Not being able to deliver on something I promised also doesn't help my self esteem very much.

Lastly the Yeji day fic oof. Trying to write it still. It might not be out in time (as always) but I'm trying.

My mental health is kinda bad rn so I don't think I'll be able to post that ryeji day drabble tomorrow. Some miracle might happen and help me find the energy to write but even then I doubt it'll be ready in time for the 5th. Since I want to introduce some consistency to my writing schedule I'll still try and write it this month and post it on the 5th of June as well as a poll for anyone who's interested to vote for the next ryeji day drabble.

There might be a drabble/fic for Yeji's birthday but I don't want to promise anything that might make me super anxious or give anyone expectations that I'll eventually fall short of. For now I think Imma focus my writing attention to Jacket cause that's easier to write when I'm not feeling too great upstairs

[fandomwritingbit]

Can i request a William x Female smut?

William is a bartender- and its readers first time going to a bar, her friends instantly ditch her because they see cute guys and leave with them, leaving reader at the bar not even knowing what to even start off with-

William notices and helps her out, starting off small and watching as she gets drunker, eventually he takes her to his house and she tries to kiss him (which he allows) then she tries to initiate sex, but he tells her no cause shes drunk and she ends up sleeping next to him in his bed, in the morning she asks and he decides to fuck her hard

If this is to long or you just don't want to, you don't have to do it if you don't want to!

@lillianastuff

Hello! I’ve finally got this one ready. It's been sitting in my drafts looking pretty for too damn long. I followed your outline but there are a few bits I skewered, hope that’s alright. 

Thank you so much for this request and the others, smashed ‘em out the park you did!

Warnings: swearing. smut. alcohol and drunkness. 

Two hours before their shift the bartender called in sick. Cheeky fuck went against the 24hour notice policy and subsequently left the bosses in the lurch, desperately trying to find someone else willing to cover it. But it was a Saturday night, anyone who wasn’t already in was busy and Henry included. He’d told William that somebody needed to be there, all their money was in drinks after all, and that if no one would help: he’d have to do it him fucking self. And after a long day of pay cheques and fixing faulty lights in the lounge, that was the last thing he wanted to do, Hell it’d be the last thing he wanted on a good day.  

Nevertheless, what choice did he have? Lose all that cash? On such a busy night? Fuck that. He sighed as he settled behind the bar, moving things to his liking, knowing he’d be making the next night’s bartender’s job a lot harder, but wanting this to go as painlessly as possible.

“Will you get those fucking doors open? Its five past the hour.” He called to a worker, who fumbled with what she was cleaning, hurrying to do as he said as quickly as possible.

“Yes, sorry, Mr Afton.” He just nodded in response, pinching the bridge of his nose as he mentally prepared himself to be somewhat pleasant to the people he’d have to serve. It was going to be a long bloody night.

~

Work always kept you busy, so when your friends had asked if you wanted to go out to a bar this Saturday, you agreed - even though it wasn’t really your thing. You’d never gone to a bar before, not a proper ‘young people drinking, music blaring’ kind of bar anyway; so, you were nervous. But still excited to finally have the chance to do something fun after weeks of slaving away.

It was agreed you’d meet at half seven. In a popular pub in town. There were 4 of you in total, yourself, two friends from Uni and one of their sisters, and so you were hopeful for a good night.

Taking the chance to dress up nice, you slinked into a black dress and some boots with heels- not overly classy but clean, and relatively practical. At least your sober-arse thought so, not taking into account that drinking would knock over, and shatter, your sense of balance, and these shoes would be nothing but a hinderance.

Similarly dressed, you and your mates got taxis to the bar, chattering none-stop about your lives, making sure to fill each other in on any drama that had occurred since your last meeting. And it was fun, the most fun you’d had in ages and your constant giggling felt nice to be back.

~

Your lovely evening only lasted an hour. Only one drink in, your friends’ eyes quickly wondering to the singles in the building. And so, still finishing your ‘something and coke’ you’d been well and truly abandoned and looked bitterly between all 3 of the bold ladies who’d accosted and snagged a stranger in ten minutes flat.

Feeling embarrassed at being sat on a big table on your lonesome, you walk over to the bar, putting down your empty glass and taking a somewhat sticky, neglected stool. The tingle of embarrassment again buzzed at your sides when the server turned to you, not offering a greeting but raising his eyebrows, waiting for you to say something.

The expression of the tall bloke was not welcoming, and you stumble before even opening your mouth.

“Hi uh, can I get another one of... this?” You push your glass forward, giving him a closed-lipped and awkward smile.

Resting his elbows on the counter before you, his expression of annoyance didn’t shift. “What am I- Mystic Meg?” He asked sarcastically, presenting his palms to the ceiling. When your eyes only widened, not understanding what he meant, he sighed. “It’d help if you told me what it was.” His tone was curt and mean, you feel heat rise to your cheeks, wishing the ground would open and swallow you whole.  

“Oh, uh. Sorry, I don’t know...” You damn-near wanted to cry, the shame of looking stupid pricking the corners of your eyes. “They uh...” You pointed pointlessly behind you, “were supposed to help me out but they’ve shagged off.”

Seeing your reaction, he stood up straight, trying to be a little bit more patient- though it was a struggle. “Help you out?”

“Yeah... I’ve uh never really drunk before- not at a pub anyway.”

“Huh...” He said, brow quickly raised in surprise. He softened himself a bit as even in the low light he could see the sheen of your eyes, shitty mates you had if they pissed off almost immediately. “Then a spirit and mixer are probably a good way to go- I assume that's what this was.”  He picked up your discarded glass and you again feel embarrassed as his eyes landed at the lipstick on the rim. “I’ve made a lot of drinks tonight; I don’t remember what I made you.”  

“Yeah, I get it, you don’t really register faces.” You smile.

“Not at all.” He looked over your shoulder and you keep your gaze at his hands on the bar. They’re huge, fingers long and elegant like a pianist but you smile at the relatability of his nails bitten down, sympathising with the stress he must be under. He brought you from that thought by tilting his head to the left, “That your mate, over there? The ginger one?”

You look over, quickly seeing her on a fella’s lap. “Yeah...”

“That’s a vodka and coke- a cheap one and all.”

“She must be more memorable than me, then.” You smile in partial self-deprecation. It suited you, that smile, changed you completely from the sorry looking sad thing that sat down here a minute ago.

“Not her herself. The purple lipstick on her teeth is though.” He smirked and you catch a glimpse of a few missing teeth which for reasons you can’t explain, makes your stomach twist. He continued, lowering his head to your eyeline. “Vodka and coke is fucking boring... You drink wine?”

Biting your lip, your eyes get wide, like a nervous rabbit. “I have done...” You say, an awkward look taking over your face again.

“Right.” He sounded unconvinced by your words. “Here then...” Watching the man, he bends and quickly plucks a bottle from a shelf close to the floor, opening it and pouring you a glass while hardly looking. “Try this, if you don’t take to it, I’ll have it.” Placing it down before you, you look from it to him, smirking.

“You’re allowed to drink on the job?” The tone of your question had a ‘not a bad gig’ implication to it and he lets himself smile. Watching your fingers wrapping around the stem of the glass, your nail varnish chipped rather charmingly. As you saw him acknowledge it, you take you hand back from view a little ashamed about it.

He brings his gaze back to you and quells your shame, “I own the place.” He says through a smirk and peaked eyebrow. “Though if I caught someone else doing it, I’d make ‘em down the whole bottle, like my pa did when he seen me smoking for the first time.”

“Oh right.” You laugh. Of course, this man smokes, his hands were made to have a cigarette in them. God the smell probably clung to his skin, you’d likely be able to taste on his... Looking to the wine in front of you, you catch his eyes on you when you look back up, asking, “Someone skiving off?”

“You can tell? What, do you work somewhere like this?”

“I waitress.”

To your surprise he laughs, fully resting his arms on the counter, at equal eye level. “But you don’t know your drinks?”

“Don’t have to, to hand them a wine list.” You shrug. Finally trying the drink in front of you, making sure not to look at the bloke who was very blatantly watching you for a reaction. You don’t know how to feel about it, the taste bitter on your tongue though comfortingly warm down your throat.

“You like it?” He asks when you set it back down.

“Yeah, its uh... not what I expected.” You offer, pressing your lips together between your teeth.

The bartender tips his head back to laugh at you, “Don’t fucking lie.” He stops his sniggering to take the glass back, shaking his head. “We’ll find you something you do like- certainly more entertaining than fannying-on with this lot.” You struggle to take your eyes from him as he brings your glass to his lips: you can think of something you’d like already.

~

You’re not sure how long you sit at that bar, the man behind it being called away every so often to fulfil people’s orders. But he kept coming back to where you sat, each time with something different for you to try, seemingly determined to find ‘your match’ as he called it.

However, as the night progressed your inexperience and consequently, your low tolerance began to show and before long you were, as the people say: bloody pissed.

Too many drinks in, he comes to you again, looking at your state with immense amusement.

“You got a lift home?”

“Nah, I’ll ring a taxi later.” You smirk, enjoying this fella’s company too much to consider going yet.

“How much later?” He asks, well aware that you’d lost track of time and had no idea how late it was. Putting you out of your misery with, “We’re closing soon, sweetheart.”

“Oh shit, what time is it like?”

Looking to his watch he grins. “Nearly two.” You feel your eyes get wide in shock; having had no idea you’d been there for that long. You go to stand but the drink grips you in a choke hold and you stumble near-instantly.

“Hey, careful. Here I’ll help you.” He comes round the gap laughing at your unsteady form and you try to have the coordination to take your boots off whilst doing the impossible: standing.

“God, I wouldn’t have given you so much to drink if I knew you were that little.” He teased. Stood next to him of course you looked little, anyone fucking would. Fuck this man was tall, you’d not taken much notice of that.

“I’m not little, you’re fucking massive.” You say, snapping but quickly looking him up and down admiring his frame. Especially those hard arms that you had to cling to for balance.

Realising that you were beyond gone, he turns you to face him. “I can’t put you in a taxi in this state. You alright to sleep upstairs?”

“With you?” He smiled widely, shaking his head at you, whilst trying to manoeuvre you round tables towards the back of the bar- where the stairs to the flat above were.

Hanging off him, it suddenly occurs to you that you don’t even know this blokes name...  which would be helpful if you’re going to bed with him.

“Hey. What’s your name?” You ask out of the blue, making him laugh as you turned to look at him, a hand landing on his chest.

“William, sweetheart.”

“Oh right.” You keep your hand there, looking up at him. “I’m y/n.”

~

You wake up on a sofa, hazy memories of the man from last night taking you up some stairs- oh good lord were you at his?

The sound of a fella clearing his throat caught your attention. “She’s alive. I was wondering what to do with you.” You see William through a kitchen counter, quickly realising you were indeed in a flat, in an open living-room kitchen area. Sitting up, you feel a blanket slide from your torso and feel the cool air of the room settle on your bare skin. Your bare skin?!

Looking down and seeing only your bra, your sleepy eyes ping wide open. “Oh my God, where’s my dress?” You ask, not sure whether to laugh or burst into shameful tears.

The man’s lean frame walks over to you, placing a steaming mug of coffee down on a table beside you. “You took it off last night.” He pauses, smirking wickedly. “After you climbed on top of me, but before you crashed.” The image of it flickered in your brain. The sensation of pulling your dress off, then the feel of his hands on your hips, pulling you off of him. Seeing sheer devastation possess your face he couldn’t help but laugh. He sat next to you, causing you to tuck your bare legs up, huddling under the blanket.

“Did we uh... have sex?” You ask, not sure if you really wanted to know. The fear of having made a fool of yourself creeping up your form.

He looked to you, tilting his head and not bothering to hide the abundance of amusement he was getting from all this.

“No. I like knowing you can stay awake for that kind of thing.” Laughing again, you decide you hate yourself and cover your face with your hands.

“Oh god.” You say behind your fingers. “I’m so sorry- I was so gone...” You scoff a laugh, an element of disbelief swilling around your head.

“Don’t be. You told me you didn’t drink- I shouldn’t have plied you like I did.” He let his laughter die down. Looking from you to the floor, a shadow of regret briefly on his face.

“No- No you were great. Thanks for looking after me and giving me a good night.” Peering out from your hands, you’re surprised to see he’s looking at you, a thoughtful glare in his eyes.

“You had a good night then?”

“Yeah. Even though my mates left me, and I’ve never been this embarrassed in my life.” You manage to laugh through the last part, just now noticing your dress crumpled on the floor. Reaching down to grab it, he watched the cover doing a terrible job of hiding your skin and blatantly stared at you as you completed the goal. Your face hot under his look.

“For the record... Had you propositioned me any other time: I would have said yes. You just couldn’t tell arse from elbow last night.” He’s not sure what he was hoping to achieve by that, but when you let the garment drop into your lap and a shy grin spread on your face, the stirring of his cock made him realise exactly what he wanted.  

“Even hungover and matted from sleep?” You were half joking, but looking at the slight pinch between his brows, you wanted to cross your legs under that blanket.

He leaned forward, eyes flicking over what parts of you he could see. “Especially like that...” Pushing the blanket and much-neglected dress from your lap you stand. Letting yourself be seen, even though it burned your throat with fear of rejection. Just in your knickers and bra, feeling very much under his scrutiny.

Rubbing one of your arms, you pull the courage to look at him. “You sure you’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” Grabbing your arm, he guided you closer to him, smirking as he enjoyed the sight in front of him.  

“I’m not nice enough for that.” As he pulls you so you’re straddling him, he has the nerve to take fun at your expense again. “It's not your first time for this as well, is it?” A long finger draws up your stomach and you shudder, laughing.

“Hah-no.” You say flatly, by this point just wanting more of a touch from this man.

“Definitely not V-total?” His brow narrows mockingly. So you bite the bullet and push his arms to the back of the chair, moving your face very close to his, in the process your behind pressing torturously against him.

“Definitely.”

He manages a snicker before you kiss him, his posture changing immediately, becoming more tense against you. Cupping your jaw to hold you where he wanted you, the other hand grabbing at your hip, moving you forwards.

His hands were greedy from the outset, not that you minded in the slightest, rough skin on the warm softness of your breasts turning you on more by the second. The dull smell of alcohol intoxicating. Never had someone dominated you in a kiss like this, you let him take the lead, your hands clutching at whatever part of him they landed on.

It was fairly overwhelming for first thing in the morning, but the wetness of your knickers was distracting you from your brewing headache. You arch your back eagerly, when he moves to unhook your bra, making him chuckle at how quickly you pulled it from your shoulders, more than happy for him to take what he wants.  

“You’re in a rush, what, have you got a train to catch?” He snickers, making heat rise to your cheeks instantly. But you try and keep confident.

“No, I just know what I want.” You can’t help but giggle though, your facade ruined halfway in. But he seemingly didn’t mind, because your words stirred him enough, to make him push you backwards on the sofa, setting himself between your legs, where you hand a lovely view of what exactly your words had done.

He ran a finger over the fabric of your knickers, instantly aware of your arousal underneath. It made you shiver, and an odd sense of anticipation prickled all over you.  

“You can take them off if you want.” You tease, rising a leg and pressing it against his chest playfully, lightly shoving him to the left.  

“Oh, thank you, I’d forgotten.” He smirks grabbing hold of your ankle, watching you pinch your lip between your teeth. Quickly reaching down to find the other and pulling your lower body off the sofa enough to hook your panties and slide them down your legs. God the heat coming off you was damn-near tangible and glancing at your pussy slick with arousal made his cock twitch. It was no surprise to him that you looked pretty like that, but what was really fucking beautiful was how you watched him wide-eyed waiting for him to do something.

The sudden hand on your inner thigh made you gasp, and you encourage the progression by pressing your foot against his dick. Before you can even form the words to describe it, the long fingers of this man were teasing your entrance, shallowly pressing in and out, then devastatingly fully inside, a practised movement accompanied by circles being ran over your clit. You had enough sense about you to continue playing with his cock, making him increasingly more impatient.

It moved fast after that, his fingers playing you like a fucking violin were replaced by the head of his cock running between your folds, coated in your arousal. It was a sight to behold, and you find yourself raising your hips, hungry. He understood your movement, guiding you and lining himself up before beginning to press inside you. The grunt from him as he did so, might have been the hottest sound you’d ever heard.

The pace he set was fucking mental, the sound of skin hitting skin reverberating through the flat and the moans pulled from your lips accompanied by his near frustrated grunts could probably be heard by the cleaner downstairs.

That poor cleaner.

[drabblesaf]

Movie Night Frustration - Steve Harrington Smut

REQUESTED: Nope. I haven’t written for quite a while, and I had a sudden inspiration strike last night (especially after S4 P1 dropped).

WARNINGS: Oral (both receiving), “sir” kink - MINORS DNI PLEASE

SUMMARY: You and Steve are on the night shift at the video store - you’re trying to do work and catch up on the week’s missed jobs, but Steve gets bored easily and needs something more than videos to entertain him. 

NOTES: Uh, hey. So, I’m kind of back? 

Maybe. I’m not sure yet. I’ve been really busy with uni for the past few years (in case you couldn’t tell from my utter lack of posting here) and now I’ve finished everything, I wanted to try and get back into my writing.

May be a bit rusty, so bare with me. I had inspo strike from the new season of Stranger Things, so here we are.

Hope you enjoy guys <3

Working the night shift at the Family Video Store was not how I originally planned on spending this evening. Sure, the pay was good for night shift, I couldn’t fault that. And any of the stock of candy we had left over was pretty much free rein until the next day’s batch came in - even more so once we hit the end of the week and needed to start clearing everything out. Those two things were no problem to me at all. The problem? Steve Harrington.

Steve had changed a lot since his time at Hawkins High. No longer a complete fucking asshat, he’d actually matured into a guy who gave somewhat of a shit. Shocking for the King of Hawkins to have such a redemption arc behind him. Maybe it was the fact he kept hanging out with the kids from sophomore year, Dustin, Mike and Lucas. Maybe it’s because my coworker Robin had actually knocked some sense into his pretty little head. Or maybe…just maybe, Steve was actually thinking seriously about his future and realising that he couldn’t be a dick forever.

Whatever it was, it still didn’t seem to occur to him that he could do his job without picking up chicks at the store - although maybe that was the same case for me too with guys. Somehow, Hawkins still had enough of a single male population that seemed to want to try their luck with the cute girls behind the movie counter, which always ended in Robin giving a heavy eyeroll and me gaining some dude’s home phone number or a reminder that they’d “pick me up at whatever time and we could go find a place to get away from it all”…which would almost always end in them wanting to go to Lovers Lake or Skull Rock, and Steve or Robin covering for me while I camped out in the staff room.

Surprisingly enough, this often worked quite well - I guess the boys were intimidated by my coworkers enough to eventually skulk out of the store, never to return again. This tactic didn’t work on the girls though, but then again, Harrington never seemed to have enough game to be able to woo them. Which is where he was stuck on this particular evening, moping as he stood next to the counter counting out the change in the register. “What’s got you so down in the dumps?” I said, staring at him from across one of the aisles, brush in hand.

“I’m losing my spark, Y/N. Losing my magic touch,” he sighed, idly playing with a cent in his hands.

“What makes you say that?”

“Have you seen the chicks that come in here? None of them are interested in me offering to take them to see the latest films in the cinema. Not a single one.”

“Have you tried just being yourself and not putting the charm offensive on all the time?” I asked, crouching down to remove the DVDs from the bottom shelf so they could get wiped down (those ones in particular always seemed to get some sort of sticky residue on them, and we could never quite explain why).

“Girls don’t like me “being myself”, (Y/N). Unless myself is King Steve, they don’t want to know me.”

“That’s not true, and you know it, Harrington,” I sighed, shaking my head as I carried the DVDs over to the desk, where he was now stood with his head in his hands. I reached over and ruffled his hair slightly, causing him to look up and give me a playful glare.

“Hey, leave the hair out of this,” he chuckled, poking his tongue out at me, before pausing and flicking his tongue over his bottom lip. He did this from time to time, but this time something felt…different. “(Y/N), what do you mean, I know it?” His brown eyes bore into my own, and I felt a shift, as if the world had just had a mass earthquake.

“You should be able to guess, Steve - you’re smart enough after all”, I said, voice wavering slightly. I wasn’t wrong, Steve was in fact very smart - after Nancy and him had split up, he actually put in a decent amount of effort to get his grades back up so he could get through sophomore year without too many issues, which - much to his surprise - he did very well, passing the year with 85% overall. And despite his general act as the King of Hawkins High, he could pick up on social cues well and did try to keep people around him who weren’t…douchebags, for lack of a better term.

He stared at me, raising an eyebrow, and I turned away quickly, busying myself with sweeping the dust off the (now free) bottom shelf. In a sense, there was definitely something that had shifted in the air between us, and it had been something I had been reckoning with for a while now. I’m not sure what it was, but there had definitely been moments between Steve and I that had left me questioning what his motives were every damn time. Did he want something to happen as much as I did?

The night wore on, and we were both beginning to get tired of doing all the chores that needed to be done over the night shift, especially closing up shop. We closed up early on the weekends, purely because most people were out partying or had already decided on what films they wanted for the evening - there wasn’t much chance of any late buyers coming in at the last minute unless it was Valentines Day. I occupied myself with finishing up rearranging the movies on the shelves, while Steve scribbled away in the notebook we had for accounting. “Hey, (Y/N), could you give me a hand? Just want to make sure I have everything accounted for in this, and that I did the math correctly,” he said, and I stood up from the final shelf, dusting my hands off on my jeans.

“Sure, I can do that. Final shelf is good to go, by the way,” I said, walking over to him. I could feel his eyes burning into me as I walked over, shedding my over-fleece that I wore as uniform (since the shop was closed now, there wasn’t much point in keeping it on). I chucked it under the till and pulled up a stool next to Steve, running over the numbers and trying to do quick calculations in my mind. All the while though, I could feel his presence right next to me, as if he was wanting to do or say something. After about 5 minutes of thinking over the sums, I nodded. “All clear, everything’s good to go,” I said, looking up at him. He swallowed slightly, his tongue flicking over his lips again as his eyes moved over my face.

The air got thicker all of a sudden, and it felt like something could happen any moment. “Uh, (Y/N), have you…” he started, and I paused, dropping the pencil to the table in front. He shook his head, mumbling a quick “Fuck it,” before crashing his lips onto mine. The kiss was needy, feverish - almost like it was something he depended on, like a lifeline. His lips and mine moved effortlessly against one another, tongues darting in and out and battling out in a war of dominance. His hands began roaming over my body, holding me steady on the stool as the exploration took place. This was a side I hadn’t expected from him, but I let it happen, moving my hands up to his hair as I did so. 

His lips began moving down from mine to my jaw, trailing their way down to the collar of my shirt - this caused him to pause momentarily, both of us gasping for air as he looked at me, moving a hand up to caress my face gently. I nodded, giving him the permission he sought to take my shirt off, leaving me in my bra and jeans. He resumed his prior actions, lips trailing down my collarbone to one breast, then another. Each of them had kisses pressed to them, before the bra itself was gently pulled down and his lips attached themselves to each nipple, sucking and biting on each one and causing small whimpers to fall from my mouth.

This only seemed to spur him on, and made him suck each nipple more feverishly as if it was his lifeline. Soon after, he realised other areas needed attention too, and his kisses moved further and further down my body until they hovered just above the waistband of my jeans. He looked up at me, and I nodded. “Please, Steve,” I mumbled quietly, and he licked his lips again, turning his attention to the button on my jeans, which he popped open deftly before helping me shimmy the material off my hips. 

He gave a few tentative kisses over my panties, causing some light moans to fall from my mouth, before that material was removed too and nothing was in the way of his tongue. He kissed the area lightly, before licking at it, causing my hips to raise up sharply to meet his mouth, and my hand to fall into his hair. Every single action he made had my body feeling like it was on fire, and very quickly I could feel myself reaching the high I was craving. He was licking and sucking at the area as if it was his entire life force, and it was very quickly getting me to where I needed to be. “Steve, fuck!” I whimpered, my hands tugging at his hair as he moved quicker, bringing a finger into play as well and curling it up right where I needed it. That was enough to bring me over the edge, causing me to scream and gasp as I met the high he’d been trying to elicit from me for so long. He kept lapping at my arousal as wave after wave of pleasure ran through my body, causing me to tremble at every slight touch he created.

After a while I calmed down enough and the room stabilised for a short while, for me to begin to realise that Steve was unbuckling his belt and beginning to remove his jeans. Shakily, I stood up, placing my hands over his and hoping he understood that I wanted to help him. He looked at me as I did this, and said quietly, “You don’t have to, y’know.”

“I want to.” He thought about this for a second and then nodded, allowing me access to the button on his jeans completely. I carefully popped it open, taking my time with the zipper - I wanted to at least try to savour this moment before it went away and we were forced into that pit of realisation of what we were doing with each other. He sighed slightly, bucking his hips up as I pulled his jeans down, looking face to face at his hard-on restrained by his boxers. It was straining to be let out against the cotton, and I could only oblige, causing a hiss to fall from his lips as he was exposed to the air of the store.

I expected him to be packing down there - he was “The King” of Hawkins High, after all - but I didn’t expect him to be bigger than I thought. I cautiously grasped at his cock, causing him to let out a jagged moan and his hand to fall over mine. “Fucking hell, (Y/N). Do you know how much I’ve imagined this scenario?” He grunted, helping to move my hand along his length.

“No, but I could probably guess,” I snarked back, before diverting my attention back to the matter in hand…quite literally. Tentatively, I poked my tongue out and licked a stripe up one of the protruding veins on his member, causing him to groan loudly, the noise only encouraging me further. I licked a few more times before turning my attention to his head, eliciting a louder moan from his lips, followed by several curses. 

“Fuck, so pretty…you’re doing so good sweetheart,” he sighed, hand falling away from mine and slowly coming back up to push my hair out my face, causing me to look up at him as he did so. His lips were slightly parted, and he was looking down at me through his eyelashes, eyes flickering as I looked up with his cock in my mouth. “Shit…so good, fuck. You’re killing me, doll.”

This was the only motivation I needed to keep on with what I was doing, and so I took him further into my mouth, bobbing my head up and down vigorously. It was difficult to keep this up for too long at a time though, purely because he was so damn big - but Steve seemed fine with anything I did as long as I was giving his dick enough attention. Soon, he began to twitch slightly in my mouth, his moans getting louder and his breathing quickening, to which he quickly pulled me off of him with a satisfying pop! He stood up over me kneeling on the floor, jerking his cock vigorously. “Where do you want it angel? Want me to cum in your mouth like the good slut you are? Say it, come on. Tell me, baby.”

“Please cum in my mouth, I’ll take it all in,” I whined - this act alone only served to encourage Steve further. 

“Want you to beg for it properly,” he muttered under his breath, and it took a moment before the gears finally clicked in my head.

“Please, Sir. I want to swallow your cum like the good princess I am for you,” I moaned, feeling myself begin to dampen again. This seemed to work, as barely a minute later the man above me was moaning loudly himself as he reached his own climax, the hot spurts of cum streaming down my throat. As soon as he had finished, I swallowed, opening my mouth to show him that nothing remained in there.

We took a moment to both catch our breath from the experience, and he was the first one to speak. “I think I’ve got my magic touch back, but do you wanna test that theory back at my place?”

“You’re on, Harrington.”

“Hey, that’s Sir to you, princess.”