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Distant Stars Hold My Wishes For You
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Wing/Silver | 18 | she/her/they/them | I write and reblog fics || Reader-insert centric |Interacts from @elise-wing
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And Tonight, We’ll Be Warm
It is technically still the 25th where I am so have a holiday-related fic! This is just an excuse to write that obligatory Christmas fic that nobody asked for
Whitebeard Pirates x Reader (no particular pairing but very Ace-centric)
The Whitebeard Pirates never needed an excuse to party, but surprisingly, they always celebrated one specific holiday.
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The sight of white flecks on the deck heralded the arrival of the Moby Dick to its destination, the cheery winter island in front of you a familiar sight. You couldn’t see it at this distance, but you had no doubt that if you asked Marco, he’d say that it was decked out in its annual holiday decoration already.
Around you, the hustle and bustle of docking preparations were in full swing, excitement filling the chilly air more than usual. Every year, on the same day and if time was willing, Pops liked to return to this specific island, deep in the heart of his territory, known for its celebration this time of year. It was done often enough that the locals left a special place for the Whitebeards and the crew always brought in supplies when they came. What would commence would be a two-day, island-wide celebration where the Whitebeards and even other friendly crews would toss aside their worries to rejoice. Though Pops’s family may have been a wide assortment of characters from all over the Blues, it was a unanimous agreement that all of you would indulge in this holiday because of how much joy it brought the old man. Though as pirates, there was never a reason needed to party.
You’d been with the crew long enough to have attended a few, the first few times never something you’d never forget. Overwhelming in the best of days, there would be lots of work done once you docked to unload the supplies and crates, but then the locals would whisk it all away and the crew would be able to release themselves upon the festivities. There would be stalls upon stalls of vendors selling indulgent foods, gifts, and knickknacks for the holidays. And—of course—the booze. It was a pirate island, after all.
A relieved cheer broke out as the Moby coasted gently to a stop, a few of those who could handle the jump vaulting over the side onto the dock, while those who remained up top tossed down the mooring line for them. You double-checked the ropes on the winches responsible for lowering the cargo and leaned over to ensure that nobody was in the way.
“Lowering the crates!” You yelled down to the people milling down below. The worn wooden crank was familiar in your work-calloused hands as you cranked it, lowering the creaking platforms of foods and ingredients down. A ‘thump’ and the lines slackening signaled the contact with the dock below you, and you left the unpacking to the ground crew.
Beelining for the rope ladder, you scaled down it to join the others, an eager grin pulling at your cheeks. Wagons waited for their loads, but you left that to those like Fossa and Blenheim, the likes of them able to move much more efficiently when they had no smaller crewmates running underfoot. Your eyes darted across the space, seeking one specific person. For once, a majority of the crew had a shirt and jacket on, only the hardiest of them forgoing it, so it was easy for you to find that tattoo stretched across a tanned back.
“Ace!”
The young man spun around, seeking the call of his name. You started toward him, waving to attract his attention. He returned your grin easily as the two of you met up. Close to him, you couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. Despite your layers, it was still bitingly cold with the snow fluttering down. But with Ace nearby, his heater tendencies, courtesy of his Fruit, were a warm balm against the low temperatures.
“You were right, this does look fun!” Ace said, hands on his hips as he regarded the festivities beyond the dock. I’m glad I’ll have someone to lead me around.”
“Hm.” You rubbed your hands, fingertips red. “I’ll show you all the good places to hit up. Ignore what Commander Marco says. He’s a geezer who’s got outdated tastes.”
“Does he now, yoi?”
You stiffened, spine prickling with unease as footsteps came close. The warmth of the other flame-related Devil Fruit user on your back betrayed his approach. You shot Ace a nervous smile, grabbing his shoulders and swinging behind him to escape the fingers that skimmed the collar of your jacket. Grabbing the black-haired man’s hand, you readied to bolt but flailed when he didn’t move.
“C’mon! We gotta run!”
Ace glanced back at you, shrugging helplessly, still gripping your hand.
“You should know better,” Marco tsked as he stopped in front of Ace (and you, who ensured you were soundly on the opposite side of Ace from him). He crossed his arms, a lazy smile twitching into something mischievous. “We have to wait for Pops, yoi.”
As if that mention summoned him, the ground trembled with the impact of your captain landing down from his leap off the ship. He did a sweeping glance over his nakama, still milling about the dock as they waited for his arrival, and unleashed his booming laughter. “What are you all waiting for? Go have fun, my children!”
Noise erupted over the dock, and you suddenly found Ace very agreeable as you ran away from Marco. The two of you darted into the crowd, away from the blonde.
“Go! Go! GO!” You yelled as Ace swept you onto his back, laughing as he bolted. You wrapped an arm around his neck to keep balance, while the other one pointed in front of him to where you wanted him to go. Rakuyo jumped out of the way just in time to avoid being plowed over, and Atmos bellowed in laughter when Ace ducked under his arm, revealing you clinging to his back.
Despite you acting as a backpack for him, Ace was barely winded when you finally told him to stop. He regarded the street around you with wide eyes as you slid off him, dusting your clothes. “Where to know?”
You pointed to a little stall that had a small metal stove by its side. “First order of business: Drinks!”
The little old lady there waved as you approached, a smile of familiarity greeting you. “Welcome back, dearie. I see you’ve brought a friend!”
Nodding, you stepped aside to showcase the now-shy ravenette to her. “Hi again Miss Rose. This is Ace! He joined us a little while ago.”
“Showing him around, I see…” Miss Rose said
“Yep,” you said. “I gotta do it since I don’t want to put him through the history lesson that Commander Marco might’ve exposed him to. And I thought it’d be good to start everything off with drinks from your stall!”
Miss Rose tilted her head, an apologetic expression falling onto her face. “I’m sorry, dearie, but my stove just went out, you see. I sent my son off to fetch flint, but it’s going to be a while before I can get anything warm for you.”
“I can help!” Ace said, straightening up as he lifted a hand, small flames flickering to life. He, however, quickly extinguished it, and added on nervously, “I-If you want.”
The woman didn’t flinch at the small display of Ace’s powers, long-familiar with Devil Fruit displays on an island such as this, and toddled over to the stove, pulling open the door, and stepped aside for Ace. “Oh, if you could, that would be delightful.”
Caught off guard by the open friendliness, Ace glanced at you in a silent question. You bumped him forward with your shoulder. “Yeah. Miss Rose has the best cider all around, and you can’t start the festivities without getting a cup.”
Ace exhaled with a smile, sticking his hand into the open maw of the stove. With a flash of orange, the lumber within it lit up. The door was closed, and Miss Rose quickly put a pot over the top. Within moments, the warm smell of spices suffused the air and the pot’s content bubbled merrily away. Miss Rose moved with a speed that belied her age as she quickly set up two steaming cups of liquid. You barely just finished fishing out the appropriate payment before they were shoved into your grasp. Passing one to Ace, you slid the coins over to her quicker than she could react. Grabbing Ace, you led him away despite the woman’s protests refusing your payment and called back, “Thanks, Miss Rose!”
Your action prompted a curious look from him as the two of you hurried from her stand. “What was that about?”
“She’s too kind for her own good, and if I didn’t do that, she would’ve tossed my coin back at my face,” you explained. Taking a long sip, you let out a satisfied sigh at the warmth spreading through your guts and prompted Ace, “Try it.”
He took a tentative sip. Your catlike grin widened as his eyes lit up, and he went in for seconds. “Woah, this is good…”
“Mhm,” you hummed, turning to look at the busy street in front of you. You pulled the cup closer to your face to allow the steam to warm up your cold nose. “It’s good that we got here before the crew. Otherwise, we’d be fighting Kingdew for a spot in line.”
Ace didn’t reply, and you glanced over to see him staring at the colorfully lit lanterns above you that cast festive colors onto the street. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight. It was nice seeing the awe on his face, and you realized this must’ve been why Marco was chuckling at you when it was your first time on the island. 
The growl emitting from him broke you out of your reverie, and you chuckled, hefting a bag of Berry in your hands.
“Alright Ace, since it’s your first time here, you can get any food you want, my treat. But—” You held up a finger when he brightened, “Only as much as this pouch can pay, and don’t spoil your appetite for later.”
“What’s for later?” Ace asked as he began walking to the nearest food stall, something to do with skewers.
“Five, please,” you said pleasantly to the vendor. Glancing back at Ace, you said. “There’s always a big feast and bonfire set up. It’s great. You’ll love it.”
The food was given to you, and you exchanged it with the correct amount of bills, passing four of the roasted chestnut and meat sticks to Ace while you kept one to yourself. Silence stretched between you two for a few minutes as the food was savored. As you were crunching through a chunk of chestnut, you heard Ace murmur, “Lu’ would’ve liked this.”
You swallowed your bite. Aside from his explosive (literally) introduction to the crew, there were a few other things about him that he never kept quiet about, one of them being his very cherished brother. “Oh yeah? I mean, this island is known for good chestnuts year-round, so food like this is common anytime. You can bring him here when you meet him again.”
Ace polished off his second skewer, expression wistful as he murmured, “Yeah…”
“Oi, you two!”
Like twin dogs, the two of you turned to the call. Thatch waved at you, Izou by his side. The former looked a little silly, with a sprinkling of snow piling up atop his pompadour, while the latter looked immaculate in his dark-blue kimono, its woven threats gleaming when it caught the lights. Amusement lit up the two Commanders’ faces when they saw the food in Ace’s hold.
“Putting another person’s wallet to work already, I see,” Izou said with a small smirk on his painted lips.
“Well, better than the alternative,” Thatch quipped, hands on his hips. “The locals may like us, but that can change if someone decides to dine and dash.”
“Don’t worry about it,” you pipped up. “I’m treating Ace today since it’s his first time.”
“How thoughtful,” Izou said. “You would have had the same result tossing your wallet in the sea.”
“I know better! I only brought a set amount.”
“Hey!” Ace protested. “I’m not that bad, am I?”
You, Thatch, and Izou exchanged glances. A beat of silence passed.
Thatch was the first to crack, folding in half as mirth shook his body, and you had to make efforts not to spill your drink in your laughter. Even Izou cracked, one fist coming up to cover his mouth as he snorted. Ace leveled a betrayed look at you all.
“By the way,” Thatch began, once he finally reigned his laughter back in control. “Where are the two of ya headed?”
Shrugging, you motioned down the street you two were on. “Just roaming for the most part, but the goal is to the town center to show Ace the stage before going to the bonfire.
“Hm. Mind if we join y’all?”
You shrugged. “I don’t mind. Ace?”
Silence greeted you, and you whirled around to find him face down in the snow, breathing deeply. Somehow, he still held his drink and food aloft. Sighing, you sent the other men a helpless look.
“We can wait until he wakes up to see what he wants,” Izou amended. “Let’s move him to the bench over there.”
Thatch smiled, lifting a hand. “If ya can grab the food and cup, I’ll carry our resident flamethrower out of the street.”
Chugging the rest of your cider, you crouched down and carefully wormed the sticks and cup out of Ace’s hands. There was no food left, so you tossed those, but Ace’s cup was still three-quarters full and steaming, so you decided to keep that for yourself. At your go-ahead, Thatch effortlessly lifted Ace’s snoozing form, while Izou cut ahead to dust off the coating of snow from the seat. Thatch set Ace down first before sitting down, and you immediately claimed the other empty spot of the sleeping Logia-user, sighing in happiness at the warmth that bled off him.
“I’m surprised that you’re not with Commander Marco, sirs,” you admitted, moving to sip from the cider cup.
You squawked as Thatch took it from you, using his long reach to lean over Ace. He took a sip from it and hummed. “Ah, that’s good. From Miss Rose?”
Sulkily side-eyeing him, you nodded.
“And stop with the ‘Commander’ stuff. We’re off-duty, and we’re all friends anyway.”
“Well, as my friend, you should give me back my drink.”
“Is it really yours in the first place, if you took it from Ace?” Izou asked. He waved the cup away when Thatch offered it to him.
As the brown-haired man was leaning back, Ace suddenly shot forward, knocking into him. The cup flew out of Thatch’s grasp, spilling its contents onto the snow in front of you all. Izou hissed, jerked the hem of his kimono away, and shot the others a poisonous look.
“Haahhhhh? Since when did we sit down?”
“Since you decided the snow would be a good cushion for your face,” Izou replied.
“Ah dang, was I out for long?”
“No,” you said. “Thatch and Izou were wondering if they could tag along with us.”
Ace stood up, stretching his arms above his head. “I don’t see why not! As long as your offer still holds up.”
Sighing in exasperation, you stood up with a shake of your head and a smile on your face. “Fine. But if you want to explore, we gotta get going.”
Your words were a reminder of the changing sky, the days shorter in the thick of winter. The others all agreed, and once everyone gathered themselves, you all set off again. Your motley crew would’ve struck an unusual sight, with Thatch’s stature and hair, Izou’s elegant dress, and Ace completely bare-chested in the snow, but the locals of this island were long-used to it, a few folks even greeting the Commanders by name.
The festival was still as eye-catching as ever, with the soft haze of snowfall spreading a dreamy air over everything. True to his nature, Ace ended up dragging you to a few more food stalls. You four wandered with no hurry, simply basking in the peaceful, jovial air that was seldomly seen on the seas.
“I wonder how long these chestnuts can keep,” Thatch mused as he rotated a candied chestnut in his fingers. Popping it into his mouth, he passed you one from his cup. “I have plenty of recipes that’ll be nice for the colder weeks when we’re sailing.”
“I think if you can store them in the ice closet, they can last up to six months!” you chirped.
You could see his mind beginning to form ideas. “That’s plenty of time. I doubt they’ll last that long. Since it’s so cheap here, I think I’ll arrange for an order to the Moby tomorrow.”
A folded hand fan whapped Thatch on the side of the head, Izou tucking it back from wherever he summoned it from when the brown-haired man turned to him. 
“What gives, you bastard?!?”
“Stop talking about work,” Izou sniffed. “We’re here to relax and enjoy the festivities, damn you.”
Thatch leaned down into Izou’s space. “Well, you didn’t need to hit me!”
While the two senior members squabbled like little kids, you turned your attention to Ace, seeing him contemplating the roasted squid in his hands like it contained the secrets of the world.
“What’s wrong?” You said, popping your head over his shoulder. “It raw?”
Ace blinked, shaking his head and taking a big bite out of it. “Nah. Just thinkin’.”
“Don’t hurt your head over it,” you said. “Now’s a time to turn it off.”
He hummed, and you linked your arm with his and marched forward.
“Well, we’re almost at the town center. You’d like it, I think. And if you don’t, it’ll be something to distract you, yeah? No worries.”
Izou and Thatch fell in line when they saw the two of you heading off. One was fixing the collar of his kimono, while the other had a red mark on his forehead. Neither said anything when you raised a teasing eyebrow in question.
You led them down the streets until it opened up into a wide space, the large, towering pine tree in the middle marking your arrival to the town center.
Ace froze as he gawked at the monster of a tree in front of you all. “Holy shit.”
Tall enough to make even Pops look small standing next to its trunk, the ancient growth was decked out in flickering candles and carved, wooden ornaments of all colors. Bands of embroidered cloth swayed gently, depicting the winter flowers that bloomed this time of year.
“This is one of the island’s pride and joy,” You told Ace, banking on the information Marco told you during your first time. Damn, if he knew, he would never let you live this down. “It was said that this tree was already massive by the time people settled onto this island, and it was decided that they would keep it and treasure it. The festivals came later, but this tree was integrated into every celebration as well. Looks like we came just in time.”
Chattering quieted as a door hidden in the tree trunk opened. A pair of men walked forward to the platform mounted there, rolling some sort of canon in between them.
“It’s safe,” you reassured Ace as you saw him shift in nervousness. “Just watch!”
With a muffled pop, a flurry of flat, petaled shapes shot up into the air. The crowd roiled, eager hands reaching up as the large charms fluttered down. This was what you came here for. This town’s yearly charms, hand-carved from a specific type of lightweight crystal only found here. When refined down into the flowers and the snowflakes fluttering down upon you now, they caught the light in a kaleidoscope of rainbows. They were beautiful.
And very desired.
“Quickly,” you hissed, pushing Ace forward. “Try and grab one! They say that whoever got one will have good luck for the upcoming year.”
Unsure, the man reached out, only to have it snatched in front of his fingertips. The old lady who took it from him gave him a sharp glare and toddled off.
A spark of competitiveness lit up in Ace’s eyes. “Oh, that does it.”
The two of you shared a look of determination, exchanging a nod before delving into the crowd.
“Over here, Ace!”
“Too far!”
“Watch out for that lady!”
Your teamwork fell in line seamlessly, the months together on the seas and all the training and fighting giving you and Ace a leg up. Though it always seemed like there were five people trying for every one charm. Eventually, there was nothing left in reach, but you spotted one still fluttering above the crowd. You were not the only one, as you locked eyes with a burly man who was bullying his way through the crowd toward it. The two of you scowled at each other, and you stuck out your tongue at him.
Looking back at it again, you saw that it was out of reach for even the tallest folks.
But not too tall for what you had in mind.
Spinning around, you pointed at the crystal and yelled out, “Ace!”
The man turned around to spot it, and you quickly took a knee, putting your cupped hands low to the ground. A move that you’d done once or twice before.
“Go for it!” You yelled, hiding a wince when an elbow dug into your back.
Ace stepped back, lining himself up before running towards you. His boot landed in your palms, and you pushed yourself upward, propelling him up with you as he jumped. You turned around to see his trajectory, a wild grin on your face. Ace had a similar expression, one hand on his hat while the other was outstretched as he approached the snowflake. With bated breath, you watched as his fingers grazed the edges of the charm, seemingly missing it before, with a burst of flames from his legs, he propelled himself up a bit and the charm landed in his grasp. With the prize secured, he brought it to his chest and pivoted in the air, landing at an empty spot with a perfectly tucked roll.
You let out a whoop, throwing your arms up in victory, before moving your way through the crowd to where Ace landed. Your cheeks ached not just from the cold, but also from the size of the grin overtaking you sported. Spotting Ace, you hauled him up and pulled him into a hug, your laughter ringing out in the air.
“You got it!”
His cheeks were flushed as well when you pulled back, a pearly smile on his face. “Yeah.”
The crowd’s excitement was dying down and a part of you dropped in dismay over the fact that you’d missed your chance to grab something, too busy making sure Ace had his moment to focus on your own. But you were at least glad that Ace managed to get one of the charms of his own, so you shoved down that bit of sadness.
“What shape did you get?” You asked. “Can I see?” 
He pulled the hand holding his charm away from his chest, and your eyes widened in excitement at the sight of a flat carving of a flame lily. As he lifted it into the air, the clear crystal caught the light, throwing out fiery red and orange iridescence from within its lattice.
“A flame lily, lucky you!” You shot him a thumbs-up. “That’s the most prized one. A symbol of undying warmth in the cold. Good luck is definitely coming your way.”
“There you two are,” Thatch said, panting a bit as he got through the crowd. “You crazy little cretins, I can’t believe you two did that! And don’t deny it, I saw Ace in the air.”
You whistled, adverting your eyes. “Welllll, it was worth it. Ace got this year’s Flame Lily. How ‘bout you?”
“Right here,” Thatch sighed, reaching into the top of his pompadour and pulling out a glittering, clear hexagonal plate that had flashes of smoky black when he tilted it. “Some lady tried stealing it from my hands after I got it.”
“Looks like all that hair really is useful for something,” you chuckled.
He harrumphed, tucking it in the inner breast pocket of his coat. “Whatever. Did you get one this year?”
You shook your head, a rueful smile on your face. “Nah. Looks like my collection is not growing this year.”
You only caught a flash of guilt on Ace’s face before something was thrust into your face.
“Here,” Izou drawled, a bored look on his face.
Going cross-eyed, you took a step back to see what it was. Your eyes widened when you saw the intricate poinsettia carving in his hand, the details of the flower it was mimicking catching the light prettily.
“I found this stuck to mine,” he said, motioning to the bird-shaped crystal peeking out of the collar of his kimono before you could ask. He shook it. “Take it. I don’t need two of them.”
“Aww, you do care,” you teased as you reached for it.
Izou jerked it out of your grip, raising it out of your reach. “I am not above breaking it over your head.”
“No don’t! I’ll be good, I promise!”
He finally gave it to you, huffing out of his nose as he swept past the tree of you. “Fine. Let’s go. We need to head to the beach if we want to catch the bonfire in time.”
At this point, the sky was blue-hued with the end of sunset, the chill settling deeper into your bones. But still, the lights and candles kept the island festivities in full swing.
“So, what do we do with these things?” Ace asked, inspecting his lily carving.
“You just keep it.” You shrugged. “Put ‘em in a box or something. It’s your choice. Hell, you can even toss them into the ocean, but make sure to point out where you did it so I can go diving for it.”
Ace hummed in thought, glancing over to see your expectant gaze on him. With a smile and shrug, he shoved it into his pant pocket. “I guess I’ll keep it. So what are we doing now?”
“Bonfire should start soon,” you affirmed. “There’ll be food and drinks, the full Whitebeard Pirates shebang, yaknow?”
The growling of a stomach was the response you received from him, and you chuckled.
“We’re almost there,” Thatch reassured. 
True enough, you four took the stone steps down from the edge of the town, where your shoes immediately sunk into sand. Already, you could hear the hubbub of conversation, men on their way to getting sloshed. There was a chorus of greetings that rose when those present saw you four.
“Finally,” Atmos roared, his beer sloshing over his tankard. “Was thinkin’ you guys died fighting in the town center.”
Izou scoffed, sweeping past him as he headed for where Vista and Haruta were. “Please. As if I’d be taken out by something so simple.”
“I’m going to check out to see if the Fourth Division needs any help,” Thatch called, splitting away too.
That left you and Ace again, and you steered him toward a table set up with food. You unleashed him upon the meal, picking up a few things that pulled at your interests too, and allowing yourself to mingle with everyone.
Like most other Whitebeard parties, it was easy to be swept up in the merriment. At one point, you managed to wrangle a spot beside Haruta as he lit up the main bonfire, toasts being called out into the air. Smaller bonfires went up around the beach too, like twinkling, golden stars in the dark.
And when the moon was high in the sky, just about the time when you knew the spectacle of the night would begin, you sought out Ace again.
He was warm as you slung an arm over his shoulder, warmer than even the slight bit of alcohol coursing through your veins. “Aceyyyyyyyyy. Come on closer to the bonfire.”
“Hm? Why’s that.”
You pointed to the towering back of Blenheim in front of you. “Too many tall ones over ‘ere. And you’re warm, but I wanna be warmer.”
“I didn’t realize you were such a heat hog,” he said, rising from his seat at your insistent tugging. 
Fossa smirked at him when he saw the two of you pass by. “Looks like you’re the victim this time, brat. Good.”
You stuck your tongue out at the older man, aiming towards a log laid on as a seat, angled to look into the island instead of out over the sea. Plopping into it with none of the grace you normally held when somber, you sighed at the heat that suffused your back from the bonfire.
At Ace’s questioning look at you, you raised your arm and pointed over the top of the island, where the top of the pine tree could be seen peeking out. “You’ll wanna watch o’er there. It’s good. I promise.”
Following your words were the lights from the town being extinguished, plunging the inland into darkness. Soon, the only lights came from the bonfires dotting the beaches like fireflies as everyone settled. An air of excitement took over the party, those sober and not tilting their heads up to the sky.
A whistle announced the first of the launches before the sky exploded with color. Fireworks bloomed in their brilliant glory, popping and crackling hues of sparkling rainbows before fading out. It was stunning as ever, but since you’d seen it a few times before, you chanced a glance at the man next to you.
Ace’s eyes were wide, the glow of the firelight making them glitter. You smiled softly at the way it transformed his features into something softer.
Even though you haven’t known him for long, the look on his face earlier was too somber for your liking. The two of you may not be close-knit, but you were at least friendly with him on the account of you two being newer to the crews. So to see that troubled look that bellied something deeper made you worried. You may not be close enough to pry, but at the least, you hoped that this was enough to lift his spirits lightly.
You tore your gaze from the black-haired male just in time to see the second round of fireworks going up. More impressive than the last, this time the fireworks were set up into shapes. All around you, cheers rose from the crew as the doggy face of Stephan bloomed into view, followed by an impressive arrangement forming the Moby Dick. 
As this round began to die down, Marco appeared at your side, handing you a steaming drink. “Here, yoi. Keep warm.”
Reaching for it, you asked, “Is it warmed rum?”
“No. I’m not letting you have that again, yoi.” He turned to Ace and jabbed a thumb at you. “No matter how much this one asks, no more of Raykuyo’s rum, alright? I promise you don’t want to deal with the aftermath.”
You sulkily sipped from the cup, finding that it was hot chocolate. Sweet, yet not too heavy to upset your stomach. “Whatever, I drink it ‘cause it chases the chill away.”
“You have Ace with you, yoi.”
“I’m still cold!” you barked. Your eyes gained a calculating gleam as you shuffled closer to Ace, your free hand whipping out to latch onto Marco’s wrist. “But if you’re insisting, why don’t you come have a seat, Marco? I’m sure you’re awfully tired, and it’s an awfully good view to see the fireworks.
His half-lidded eyes were knowing as he moved to sit beside you, bracketing you on all three sides with heat. You sighed in happiness, and relaxed, returning your focus to the sky.
With the bonfire at your back, Ace and Marco by your side, and the crew all around you, your heart was warm.
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Textpost Masterlist
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star-spacer ¡ 7 days ago
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Oh this is goooooooood
'cause now I'm scared to love the thought of you the way you did with me
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word count: 10.6k
summary: love, you know. you, simon knows.
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The first time Simon ever met you, he had the aching feeling that he knew you already.
No, not the sense of deja vu you get in snippets throughout your life. He felt the strange sense that he had known you all his life and had done something to wrong you somehow. He's four. Four-year-olds should not know that feeling. Especially not the sense that somehow, he had broken your heart or betrayed you. He's never met you before — that much, he's certain. He'd know. You're his age, so it's not like this feeling can be from knowing you as an infant. He doesn't remember that far back.
You wave at him, grinning as you pull him off with his brother to hang out as your parents talk to his mom, and you show him what it means to play.
When he leaves later, you ask him if you're friends.
He gives you a blank stare.
You end up in his class later that year, his next-door neighbour and companion, walking home with him from primary school, asking him if he understood anything in class. You're not as bright as he is, Simon thinks. You struggle a little more with certain concepts, and you argue with the teachers over ways to do certain things. A contradiction of everything, he thinks. He mulls over what you are and what you are not. How do you feel simultaneously like a fifty-year-old and a five-year-old at the same time?
He tugs on you sometimes to calm you down.
"Stop it."
"But it's—"
He gives you a look and you huff.
Simon likes sticking by your place, but he also doesn't enjoy it.
When he goes home, dad beats him because he was with you again.
Can' have them findin' out abou' what I do. y' hear me?
The purple is hard to hide around you. You pry too much. You ask too many questions. You tug Tommy around too much and Tommy talks too much. You don't need to know what it's like at home for him. You ask too many questions about why he's wearing a turtleneck when it's already twenty-two degrees outside. You tug at it, offering one of your shirts, but he can't. You don't need to know. You can't know. You shouldn't know. For some reason.
He wants to hide it from you for some reason.
You seem to know anyway, blinking at Simon curiously as you push back his sleeve, staring at the purple.
"You should report him, you know?"
"Ma wouldn't like that."
"So you'd rather be beat? Is it not just a fear factor?"
You don't speak like you're from around there either. You have a mixed accent. Like you've been in an amalgamation of countries and grew up everywhere at once. You don't feel like you're from Manchester. You had moved, sure, but you're young. You seem to be a constant dichotomy between everything and nothing. What does it mean to exist to you? You stare off into nothing the same way his ma does. But time travel doesn't exist or whatever. It's impossible to be sent back in time. All of that is just science fiction.
Pondering. Is that the word?
"What are y' looking at?"
"I'm thinking." You hum, blinking back to life. "That cloud looks like a rabbit."
"No. Looks like a duck."
"Well, now that it's moved." You huff. "That one's a heart."
"That one looks like a dog."
"I don't see it."
"The four legs?"
"Hm."
"'kay, well, that one's a worm."
"See that."
"mhm."
Dad is taken away at one point. Simon returns home to police at his door, hauling his drunken dad out as another officer comforts his mom, and he leads Tommy inside.
"You Simon?"
"Yes ma'am."
"This Tommy?"
"Mhm."
"You won't need to worry about that man anymore."
"Dad." Simon says. "Dad."
"You won't need to worry about him hitting you anymore."
"He makes all the money. Where are we t' go?"
He spots your parents with his ma, and he wonders where you are.
"They said they'll take you all in." The woman tells him.
Your place isn't big enough for all of them.
Yet, when he's brought home to your family, the guest room is set up, yet he finds himself in your room when he can't sleep, staring at you quietly in the dark, watching as you rub your eyes tiredly and scooch over to make space for him.
He still fits in your bed at this point in time.
"Does that make us siblings?" You whisper, getting yourself comfortable as you tangle limbs with him.
Simon wants to say yes. He does. But there's something else he wants, he supposes. He pauses.
"Maybe."
Room for maybe not. Maybe yes.
Maybe it's a cruel joke that he failed to fall asleep with his mother yet knocked right out with you. He's not so lucky as to be able to do it, and he understands that he's a guest so he shouldn't get too comfortable with the host, but you seem to abandon all care and treat him as though you really were siblings. You share everything with him, and he doesn't get why it hurts when you do.
The maybe was a maybe yes to you, maybe.
The maybe was a no to him. It was maybe not.
There's something in his chest that twists uncomfortably when you treat him like a sibling, abandoning all care for it, and he understands that maybe it's what his mother felt when she had been with his father. He doesn't know how long he'll be able to squeeze here with you. Maybe he'll eventually grow to be too big. He knows he will. He's not supposed to be sleeping with you. He sees it in the way your parents shake the both of you awake in the morning with all the concern for you.
It's almost as if he shouldn't be friends with you at all.
Yet, you don't give him the ability to choose, telling your parents that it didn't matter because Simon was like a brother to you.
The concept of siblings should not hurt Simon as much as it does.
He nods along, and you lace your fingers with him and Tommy, telling your parents you're thrilled that you can finally have the brothers you've always wanted.
Your parents let it go and his mom apologizes for the case, but your parents assure her that it's all you and none him.
Simon keeps his fingers laced with you all the way until the two of you get to the classroom.
You don't mind the teasing from the kids, and in turn, Simon doesn't seem to either.
That's how you spend the rest of primary school, tangled limbs with Simon, tugging and dragging him around with you to different things, and he learns to grow comfortable in your presence. The strange sense that he's done something wrong eventually fizzes into nothing that he worries about. The certainty you have in your friendship keeps Simon afloat even when his family eventually moves into a flat nearby.
You hang out at his place after classes, doing homework with him, munching on snacks you bring from the local supermarket on your way back from classes, humming and chewing on the chips as you do homework.
You struggle less than Simon now.
It's like you know.
The strange feeling that you know everything yet nothing lingers despite the guilt leaving. You blink at him quietly and sleep over occasionally, humming quietly as you lay on the mattress on the ground, staring up at nothing.
You do not go through puberty the same way Simon does.
Simon hits a growth spurt in the early years of secondary school — bed suddenly too small, skin stretching out at the alarming pace he was gaining height, and you hold back laughter when he hits his head in the morning and you laugh from the air mattress. He grumbles as he heads off to wash up, and when he returns, you only smile at him like you know something and he doesn't.
He finds you stare at him with a lot more pride than you used to. It's almost like you're his mother staring at him grow up, and it makes him uncomfortable.
You still sleep in the same room as him because you don't seem to think of him as a threat of any kind.
The girls at school start noticing him as well — whispering happening around him of how he's grown so much and how he's "oh suck a looker" because of his height. You've always told him he looked real pretty. "Blond lashes are rare" you'd told him. "makes you look real pretty, Si". He had flushed red at your compliment, but only because it had been you. He had found that it would only be you. Everything you did, intentional or not, had caused more than enough flustered stumbling from him.
He supposes it is just the curse of a teen in love.
You squeeze his bicep when you pass him in between periods, waving bye to him as you're off to the classes you chose and he didn't.
It's in the periods where you're not by him that the girls like to step up to him and giggle, asking if he's free or if he's all alone.
He wonders if he should lie sometimes.
A no warranted a "well would you want to? what about me?" and a yes warranted a "oh surely you jest" so truly, Simon did not have much a choice. He'd prefer it if you just branded him at that point.
Branded.
You brand him?
He understands that whatever he had felt for you in his earlier years was a sense of yearning, and whatever he felt for you in the current years was most likely closer to love than it is a schoolboy crush. He finds it unfair to do that to you, though. You had only ever seemed to see him as a sibling or something adjacent, cheeks warm and lips curled upwards as you head over to his place with him after classes, helping his mom out with cooking if she needed it, heading home only after dark and making sure that Simon walks you there.
He's utterly and completely a fool for you, he finds.
You could tell him to steal the stars in the sky and he'd somehow find a way.
He finds that it's just a curse, maybe. He's stuck with you and he enjoys it because you had met him at four and suddenly everything you ever did became a benefit to him. You knew what he would do good in, and you knew where he could find a job. Everything from start to finish was as if you had preordained it all. Like you had known before the moment the two of you first met. It was as though you knew everything and were intervening. Some kind of angel for him.
"How was class?"
"Was fine."
He's the one who drags you into the store this time, fishing out cash as he hands you a pack of cough drops, raising a brow when you raise a brow at him.
"You're gonna start coughing soon."
"I still have leftovers from last year."
"y'know tha's not the flavor you like."
You hold a hand over your chest, pretending to be moved as he passes by with a ruffle of your hair.
"Si, you do care!"
"Think I didn't?"
"Maybe."
He follows you home to your place tonight. His ma isn't home and Tommy wanted some alone time with his girlfriend, so he settles at your place. It isn't as though he has no other friends. He's hard to approach because of the deadpan look on his face at all times, but he knows others. You worry that he doesn't so to ease the worry, he has other friends. He thinks about it a little. He only seems to care for what you say. It's been a while since his ma's words have worked on him. Though, he still avoids getting in trouble. She doesn't deserve that, and you'd probably give him a hard time if he really did trouble her in any sort of way.
"How was class?"
"Was fine." He sighs, spreading out his books on the table as you scribble away with yours.
How your hand does not fall off from the writing drives Simon up the wall. Writing has never truly been his strong suit — he's much more fit for his part-time job at the butcher's or fixing your parents' old car when they ask him if he knows what to do with it. He's much better with his hands than he is with his mind at times, but it's never stopped you from just breaking everything down into simpler concepts for him.
"Why d'you do it?" He had asked you once.
"Why wouldn't I?" You left the second part of the sentence hanging in the air.
Simon wonders if he could dare to imagine that the second half of the sentence was an "i love you" the same way that he seemed to love you with.
Though, he'd never know.
You beg your parents to let you spend the night with Simon at the turn of the century, the agreement being that he'd spend the night with you, settling on the floor or your room on an air mattress that he most definitely does not fit in, offering him your bed that's too big for you alone when you're sure your parents are knocked out. He finds himself tangling limbs with you once more, staring down at you as you blink up at him under the sheets, blanket covering the two of you as you open a flashlight. He blinks as you stare at him.
"What?"
"Yer really pretty, Si." You hum. "Can I touch you?"
"Ya nasty—"
"Your face." You mumble. "You can say no."
"'s fine." He mumbles, letting your hands map his face gently as he hums, observing as you seem to memorize something. Patterns of his skin. Your eyes gentle from the flashlight as you press your forehead to his. "You look scared."
"I'll live." You whisper, voice shaking.
You fall asleep in his arms that night, and he wakes up to you tucked under his chin snoring.
He doesn't recover from it.
You suggest him to join a military boot camp over summer after secondary since he wasn't planning on university, tilting your head and shrugging when he asks why. Would suit him. Maybe he'd like it. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. He doesn't need to pursue it. Besides, he doesn't have anything to do either.
"Thirteen weeks is a long time, angel."
"Angel? Well, then, maybe you should embrace what this angel's telling you to do."
He goes per your suggestion, and you send him off with his family and yours, grinning as he frowns at you at the doors with his duffle bag, blowing him a kiss as he fights the blush that snakes up his neck. When he emerges for one final look without his hair, you laugh and play with the new cut, humming quietly as you whisper that you'll be waiting for you after his three months.
He lets himself relax into your touch as your families stand to the side, and he whispers quietly asking you for a goodbye kiss as if he were off to war. He expects you to decline, but you press your lips to his forehead, humming as you lean back and admire the print that's been left behind from your chapstick, laugh on your lips as you reach to wipe it off with your thumb, too occupied with cleaning it off to notice the starstruck look on his face as he stares at you.
"Wait f'r me, won't you?"
"How could I not? As long as you send me off when you're back."
"'f course."
"Come back safe to me, Si. I'll miss you."
His body has muscle memory of everything. The boot camp is significantly easier than he thought it'd be. His muscles remember something he does not, maybe. He treks up and does stellar, ending up personally selected by his managing captain, asked if he ever thought about actually joining the military. He'd suit the SAS. He'd be a great addition to the team, even. He'd get all the military benefits and it doesn't seem like it'd be something that would warrant too much stress for him.
He doesn't know.
Despite his body's ability to survive in such harsh conditions, he finds that he doesn't really want to stay in that state of stress.
When he finishes, his captain hands him a number to call if he ever changes his mind, and he finds you in the crowd. He abandons all the military learning he's received in the last three months just to find himself in your arms once more. He barely cares that the friends he's made are whistling at him as he practically swallows you in his frame. You don't mind. He doesn't mind. It's not a problem.
"'m back."
"Welcome home." You laugh, running your hand through his hair as he buries his face into your shoulder.
"'m missed you."
"I missed you too, Si." You hum, peeking past his shoulder as you wave at his friend. "How was camp?"
"Y'wanna tell me why my body seemed to have no struggle with adaptin?"
You look to the side, whistling as he finally lets go of you, reaching over for his mom, humming as she welcomes him back home with Tommy.
"You have explainin' to do." He points at you, and your parents leave the two of you alone to start on dinner for Simon's return, leaving you in his room as you whistle and avoid his gaze, falling back into his bed with a huff and closing your eyes.
"How was bootcamp?"
"You knew. How did you know."
"I know everything, Si." You close your eyes. "Told you I was a fairy when we were kids."
"Yer less of a fairy and more of father time."
"Who knows. Maybe I'm just cursed with knowledge."
"A curse?"
"Or somethin'." You stare up at his ceiling. "How was bootcamp. Really."
"Offered a spot on the SAS."
"You wanna go?"
Simon turns to stare at you, taking a seat by the floor of the bed as he stares at you, and you turn to face him.
"Y' want me to?"
You stare at him, letting the water in your eyes speak for you.
"Oh, angel. don' cry." He whispers, hand reaching to brush the tears as he frowns. "I wasn' planning to."
"You can go." You mumble. "It's fine. I'm just scared."
"You? Scared?" He pinches your nose, humming quietly as you open your mouth to breathe.
"Yes. Me."
"'m not gonna go. I'll just meet you at uni."
"Simon Riley going to uni?"
"Got a problem with that, angel?" He lets go of your nose when the smile cracks at your face, and you roll over to laugh. "Think I'm too stupid for ya?"
"You wish." You hum. "You think I'd let you fall behind?"
"Never have." He hums, nudging you over as you roll to make space for him on the bed.
"So next cycle? Or are you gonna try somewhere else?"
"Might follow you halfway across the world. You'll fund me, won't ya?"
"Nah. Gonna make you pay rent at least." You swat at his arm playfully as he leans over you, humming as he stares down at you. "Glad your pretty face wasn't ruined."
"Think I'm pretty?"
"Just the lashes."
"Takes too much t' please you." He rolls his eyes, eyes landing on your stomach as your shirt rides up, humming.
"So, did they fuck a lot in the camp? Is it true? Did you guys have a barrack bunny?"
Simon flicks your forehead. "No bunny. yes fucking."
You hold your hands over your mouth, gasping. "tell me more."
"I didn't do anythin'."
"No way."
"Not losing my v-card to a bunch of men in the military."
"Don't know, Si. That sounds like a porno title. Virgin man gets gangbaned by five buff military men... or whatever it is the titles are formatted like."
"'m not even gon' ask how you know that."
You laugh, eyes crinkling as Simon stares.
"'s good to see you again."
"I missed you too." You hum. "I don't mind you going. Really."
"'s my decision to not." He pinches your cheek, glancing at the door as his mother calls for you both to go eat. "I promise."
"Send me to the airport tomorrow?"
"Of course."
You let Simon drive you around before driving you to the airport. You say your goodbyes to your parents at your place, thanking Simon with a grin and a squeeze of his bicep as he lifts all of your luggage into the back of the car. You gasp quietly at the fact that his muscles are harder than before, giving them a second squeeze as he rolls his eyes at you.
"You take that back!"
"Don't know what yer talkin' about."
You don't talk to him too much in the car, too preoccupied with staring out the window. Simon doesn't pry, used to the comfort of your silence when you need it. Besides, you're being sent off to somewhere where you'll be far from him. He wonders if that'll hurt him more or you. You're great, though. You promised you'd write to him, and he's more worried that somehow he will forget to write back to you and you will forget about his existence. You're too far away for comfort.
What if someone else lays eyes on you?
He helps you load the luggage, pulling it with him as you check for your passport, letting Simon put everything down for you, giving his forearm a gentle squeeze in thanks when you arrive with him at the gate. You let him wander around with you before you're supposed to board. He'll wring the final moments you have with him dry, he supposes.
You open your arms for him, squeezing him gently when his arms find themselves around your waist, squeezing you back.
"It's your turn to give me a goodbye kiss." You tap your cheek, tilting your head as you hum, and Simon mumbles under his breath, thumb brushing your bottom lip as he stares down at you for permission.
"You gonna kiss me properly? Real bold of you, Si."
"If you'd let me."
You wrap your arms around his neck, tilting your head as he brushes your bottom lip, staring, staring, staring before letting his lips brush yours gently, softly, and pulling away just as quick. Like a ghost of a kiss — lingering feelings that he can't quite pour out onto you yet because it wouldn't be fair.
"That alright?" He continues to stare at your lips, only snapping out of it when you notice boarding has started.
"More than alright." You reach up to give him a kiss on his cheek, humming as you take two steps back with your luggage. "I'll see you!"
"See you, then."
"Yer gonna let me study abroad without a boyfriend? How cruel of you, Si. Write to me!" You laugh, tugging your carry-on with you as you wave at him from the gate.
Simon stays to stare at you until you've disappeared down the corridor to the plane.
Then, his fingers find his lips where he had kissed you, and then the cheek that you had given him a kiss to.
Ah. He misses you already.
You write to him as promised. You send letters to him and he sends them back, sending you updates on how everyone has been, writing growing more and more illegible with the letters. He wonders if you're able to read everything he sends sometimes, but he eventually sends you a letter with the number slotted into his phone, and when you write to him that you'd be visiting on a certain date, you tell him to pick you up.
The first thing that Simon notices is that you've changed.
Not that you've ever been someone that he's found predictable, but you have changed beyond what Simon can remember from you.
"It's the air." You laugh.
He stares at you, uncertain if he really knows who you are anymore. Was he the one who was being left behind?
You mentioned that you'd never leave him behind.
"Y'sure changed."
"Cultural differences." You open your arms for him, tilting your head when he shakes his head at you.
"'m all smelly from work."
You frown at him.
"Maybe we both changed."
You spend the afternoon lodged at Simon's flat because you didn't want to go home. It's just a week or two, you tell him.
He hands you booze to drink, and you ask him how work has been.
"You still gonna join me?"
"I think I'm alright here."
He fears though, that by doing so, he's going to drift away from you.
"That's good." You grin at him. "If life ever gets too boring, come find me. I'm sure my friends would flip it if some guy who's like a hundred ninety two centimeters tall dropped by and called himself my best friend."
"You talk about me?"
"How could I not?" You tilt your head at him from the passenger seat, blinking slowly. "Si, did you forget about me when I'm gone? It's a little rude of you, you know?"
"I couldn't even if I was killed." He hums. "Your luggage's lighter."
"Mhm. Most of my stuff is with a friend who lives nearby." You grin. "Didn't want you to blow out your back for me."
"Couldn't do that if y' tried."
Simon wonders if there's something in the air when you come back to visit.
"You plan on stayin' there?"
"Maybe." You hum. "I quite like it."
"Leavin' me to fend on my own, huh?"
"It'd be unfair for either of us to do something all for the sake of the other. Your comfort comes before mine." You grin. "Get me a little something to eat?"
"Got dinner at 'ome." He hums. "Your favorite."
"What if it's changed?"
"You can't be sayin' that when you told me less than a month ago."
You laugh in the front seat, grinning.
"Dated yet, Si?"
"No." He hums. "This girl stops by the shop but I don' really like her like that."
"Mm." You tap your chin. "Broken no one in yet?"
Simon coughs at your choice of words, coughing as he catches his breath, your hand patting his back as you laugh.
"Bloody hell."
You have a shit-eating grin on your face when he catches a glance.
"Why? Y'been broken in yet?"
"Nope. Waiting for a certain someone to do the honors."
You laugh at the way he's red for the whole ride back.
Yet, he makes no real move on you back at his place. He hands you a glass of water and settles himself next to you on the couch, letting you show him the variety of items you've brought back to give him, grinning at him when he stares at the strange combination of things.
"Why'd you come back during such a shite time?"
"I wanted to spend the new year with you." You hum, blinking at the snow that's come with the weather.
"You didn't come back during summer."
"No." You close your eyes, throwing your head back. "I wanted to, but I decided not."
"Why."
You kick your legs over his, huffing as you grumble. "It was hard. Flying out the country's hard."
"Cuz of the thing, huh?"
"Yeah." You rest your head on his shoulder, staring out the window. "You got work these days?"
"Nah. Old guy's home with his family. Y' gonna go home?"
"No." You close your eyes. "Didn't tell mom n dad I'd be back."
"Yeah? Just me?"
"Just wanted to see you." You whisper, taking his hand and fiddling with his fingers.
"Y've gotten real handsy since ya left."
"Maybe I just missed you." You mumble. "It's lonely without you."
"Don't love y'er other friends?"
"Love you more." You whisper, finger smooth against his ring finger as you feel him tense up under you.
"Y'love me?"
"Si, I've known you since forever. Of course I do." You rest your hand on top of his, opening your eyes as you whisper.
"Oh, like that."
You don't breach the subject of love further than that, playing with Simon's fingers as he turns on the TV for a match, letting you get comfy with him under a blanket and eventually fall asleep. He stares down at you, voice tight in his throat as he rests his hand on your forearm, heart painful in his chest. Distance has given him no time to think if all he thinks of is you. But, it would be cruel to tell you of something that's long been his problem.
It is not your burden to bear.
It is not your portion to carry.
He rests his eyes as well, the two of you staying that way until late night, Simon first to rouse as he looks out the window.
It is dark outside.
You stir as he does, leaning back onto the couch to stretch out, and kick your legs out, and Simon holds your ankle to push it to the side. The snow creates the illusion of an empty street, and the black and white hurt each other in the lack of light, but you keep staring. It reminds Simon of when you were kids. The staring has since gotten better, but every now and then he catches you staring into nothing.
"Dinner?"
"Sounds good." You kick the blanket off of you, yawning as you follow him to the kitchen. "'m tired."
"Long flight."
"Mhm." You sit at the island, watching as Simon heats the food for you, staring at him as you lean on your palm. "Si, why did you never date?"
"Why should I?"
"Donno."
Simon takes out dinner from the microwave, placing it in front of you as he stares.
"Will y' ever tell me about the staring problem?"
"Probably not." You wiggle your hands comically as you grin.
"Don't do that again."
"So you hate me." You start at dinner anyway, thanking Simon as you chew on the food, scraping the plate in the end when you finish, grinning.
"How's Tommy?"
"Great. Getting engaged soon."
"Ooh! Did you help him pick a ring?"
"No. He went ring shoppin' with his girl." Simon hums.
"Wish you could show me."
"Get dinner with him sometime. I can arrange it. He comes over Friday nights."
"Can't I just grab dinner with him friday night then?"
"Next week?"
"Sure."
"I'll tell him."
"It's Christmas week." You hum. "Did you grab me anything?"
"No." He rolls his eyes. "Dinner wasn' enough?"
You pretend to think, grinning at him when he raises a brow.
"I'm kidding."
"Sure hope you are."
You wake up to a surprise on Christmas anyway, eyes glimmering when Simon serves you breakfast with a gift, kicking your legs as you gush to him about how he didn't need to. You give him a squeeze on his bicep as you ask him if you can unwrap it, pulling at the little ribbon and paper, grinning when you spot the headphones you've written to him about, bottom lip quivering as tears threaten to spill, and Simon rushes to brush them from your cheek, calling you a crybaby while he's at it.
"I should give something back to you."
"Yer back, hm? That's m' gift."
"But I like being with you too." You mumble, hand finding his as your thumb brushes his. "D'you want anything? Anything."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
Simon stares down at your lips, humming as he raises a brow.
"Truly?"
"Use my body or whatever. I trust you." Your voice quiets the more you speak. "I'm all yours."
"Tell me to stop whenever." Simon's thumb finds your bottom lip, brushing it as he presses his lips to yours — hungry, decades of holding back overflowing and spilling into you, hands gripping the counter til his knuckles turn white, tongue shoved down your throat and a hum in his as you pant once he pulls off of you, staring as your eyes haze over and your chest rises and falls, lips parted as you blink to come back to him, bottom lip glossy from his saliva as he brushes it once more. "y'still with me, angel?"
"Mhm." You hum. "You sure you didn't go around kissing others while I was gone?"
"On my life."
"Surprising." You reach up to cup his face, thumb brushing his bottom lip as you hum. "Only ever kissed me, hm? Only wanna kiss me?"
"Bloody hell, what did going to uni teach ya?"
You laugh, humming as you squeeze his face. "How to flirt, apparently. 's it working?"
"No."
The red of his ears betray him.
You're everything except the title, Simon finds. You barely bother hiding the fact that he's allowed to do whatever with you, lounging on his couch and sticking by him at every moment, barely bothering to hide your boredom with the TV and working your knuckles into his back instead. He doesn't need to look to know you've got a shit-eating grin on your face when he groans as you work out a knot in his back.
"Yer real tight, Si."
"Yer pickin' up my accent."
"Maybe it's cuz I love you." You dig your elbow into the muscle, earning a groan from his lips.
"At this point yer just messin' with me."
"Maybe." You hum, exhaling when the knot's released itself, and you collapse on his back, grumbling.
"Get off 'me."
"Don't call me heavy, big guy." You sigh, peeling yourself off of him anyway, falling back to the other arm of the couch.
"You got knots?"
"Don't think so. Sure you're not gonna get hard all pressed up on my ass, Si?"
"Said you were free use f'r the week."
"Didn't think you'd jump to fuck me like that." You settle on your stomach anyway, letting Simon run his hands along your back, oil warm on his hands as you settle with watching whatever's on the telly (it's a football game. you're not the biggest fan, but better than thinking about the fact that you're practically moaning and squirming under Simon. You can't run from the consequences of your actions forever).
Simon fights every bone in his body to not spill over and take things too far, jaw clenched as he brushes the knot from your shoulder, pushing his thumb into it as you whimper. He hears you bite your tongue, and fight back a moan, and it almost comforts him to know that you're not too far off either. Though, he doesn't mention anything when you swat at him to stop, rolling over to lay on your back, staring up at him through your lashes, humming as he stares down at you.
"Minx."
"Freak." You laugh, chest shaking as you grin, eyes crinkling as he presses his hands on your waist, thumb pressing down to your ribs, humming quietly.
"If I were a cut of meat—"
"What fuckin' nonsense are you askin' now?"
"Entertain me, won't you?"
"I wouldn't cut you up."
"You'd eat me raw?!"
"'m no cannibal, angel."
"Just say you won't fuck me."
You're pushing buttons, Simon finds. You're testing to see how much it'll take for him to crumble and snap in your hands. Your hand rubs at his bicep in the mornings when you pass him, cheek squished with his as you point while windowshopping, fingers laced with his as though you were really on a date, and Simon finds that it's hard to fight the red that ruins the pale of his skin, crackling between the cracks of his skin from the winter cold, forced to play it off as the fact that it is cold out. He gives your hand a gentle squeeze back when you ask him to enter a store, and he tugs you back when you're wandering off course.
"Did yer cough start this year?"
"Not yet." You hum. "Worried I'm gonna get you sick?"
"No. Worried you don't like the flavors where you are."
"You remember." You mumble, staring as he hands you the stick from the grocery bag.
"Hard to forget."
"Not when it's only mentioned in passing."
You take the stick anyway, unwrapping one and pressing it to your lips, sucking on it as you squeeze at his arm, puffer coat zipped all the way up as you head back to his place.
Simon doesn't snap the entire time that you're back for the week.
He knows you're trying to get him too, but he's probably held back more than you have over the years, so not much really moves him to do anything anymore. You can try all you want, but truly, you can't do all that much.
"Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Simon raises a brow from the island, blinking at you as you stare back at him.
"Not in the sex way. Just. Like when we were kids."
"You finally gonna tell me what all that staring you did as a kid meant?"
"Maybe." You place the dishes into the dishwasher, blinking slowly as you turn around to stare at Simon. "But I don't think you'd believe me."
"I'd argue against that. Can't tell me something insane."
"Oh, I'm sure." You mumble. "I'm sure you'd believe some made up war story from a world in the past."
"Is that what it was?"
"I don't know." You blink slowly, taking off the gloves and letting them dry as Simon stares. stares. stares.
Past your eyes and through your soul, like you're just a piece on display. Like he knows something you don't. He doesn't. Simon knows better than anyone that despite every single cell of his body crying for him to pour himself to devote to you, you would never accept it. You wouldn't. You wouldn't let him "throw his future away" all for the sake of you. Something stops you from letting him devote himself to him, and something stops you from just accepting that maybe Simon wants it and it isn't a side effect of being friends for so long.
There's a constant need to take care of him better than he takes care of you.
Simon finds it in the way you hand him a mug of water before bed, throwing the blanket over the two of you, flashlight resting between the two of you as you blink at him.
"You gon' tell me?"
"No." You hum. "But I'll tell you another secret if you tell me one. You first, though."
Simon doesn't keep secrets from you other than the fact that he loves you.
"I don' have any."
"None at all?"
"I tell you everything."
You blink at him from under the covers, tilting your head.
"Everything?"
Almost.
"Thinkin' 'bout signing up SAS." He whispers, voice cracking as he watches the grief crack past your eyes and your face drop. You don't mention anything, telling him it's fine as you collect yourself, swallowing everything back and smiling again.
"Yeah?"
"Thinkin' bout it."
"You gonna go? Really?" You whisper — scared. Simon knows you enough to be able to sense when you're scared. It's rare you even display such an honest emotion to him.
"Why don't you want me to?"
"No, it's just." You shake your head. "'m being paranoid. I'm just upset that I might not get to see you again."
"I'll see you between missions."
"I'm out of the country, Si." You mumble. "I can't visit all the time."
"I know." He mumbles. "but I've got to do sumthin 'n if not this, then I don' know what."
You rest your head against his chest, voice quiet as he runs his hand through your hair, pressing down to get you to relax for him.
"'m thinking about settling down permanently there."
Ah.
Simon seems to understand why you'd be so panicked at his enlistment. Truly, he wouldn't get to see you again, maybe. He'd be busy and if you start work, then you wouldn't get to see him at all. You can't write back to him if he's moving around, and his phone would most likely be off-limits in the service. Too little to do. Too little to hold on to. Maybe that is what you have feared.
"I'll tell you one more secret, then, Si." You mumble, hands finding his chest as you close your eyes.
"'s it, angel?"
"Tommy's gonna get married to her and then they're gonna have a boy." You close your eyes, and Simon feels you furrow your brows against his chest. "He's gonna be named Joseph. Joseph Riley. Sweet boy. Lovely, even."
"Why are you telling me this."
"Just." You whisper. "Just remember that."
You don't respond, going quiet for the rest of the trip, only giving him a hug at the airport and waving goodbye. You leave him your new address, smiling at him.
Simon doesn't know if he likes the silence he's left with when you're gone from his flat.
Yet, he's gone anyway, sending you letters that you can never quite send back, always too close or too far. He mails small things that remind him of you — tucks a photo of you into his helmet, stares up at the stars when it's night with a smoke between his fingers (that you'd scold him for) while the rest of the team joins him. He climbs up ranks — never stops writing to you. During the few times he has off, he returns to the empty flat and wonders how you're doing. You don't write back to him.
He wonders if you get his letters at all.
Yet, he can't stop to think. He can't stop. He just.
He becomes a Lieutenant.
When he's asked if he'd like someone to be at the ceremony, he briefly wonders if you'd fly over for him.
He doesn't ask you.
His feelings aren't yours to deal with.
Tommy and his mother help him pin it, but he'd wish that the hands promoting him to a higher position was you. It's to prove to you. It's to prove to you that he's fine and alive. Maybe it holds the same sentiment as when he writes to you. He's still alive, angel. He's still in one piece, even if you can't write back to him. He wonders if you still live there. Are his letters meeting a stone wall? Is it a brick wall that stands between the two of you? He'd break it down, but he doesn't want to risk the chances of you getting hurt in the crumble.
He returns home for Christmas one year, wondering if you'd be home. Tommy mentions sending you a wedding invite through Simon, and he stares. Really. Just stares at the wedding invitation. He doubts you'd answer. You feel like a ghost of his past. It's almost as if you had known that he'd never see you again when you had spent a winter with him. Like you knew. Like you wish he knew. Like when you pulled him under the blankets with a flashlight, you had known, maybe, that he'd be gone and you'd be gone.
When he sends the letter to the address you gave him, he almost worries that Tommy won't get a response back. (He slips an additional letter asking you if you'd like to be his plus one, but he doesn't have much faith that you'll respond to that one.)
Then, he's off and back to the military.
You meet him at Tommy's wedding.
You find him in the crowd, eyes lighting up as you sit next to him in the crowd, chattering excitedly about how you finally get to see him again. He listens to you talk. You've changed — as one does, and he has as well. Yet, he doesn't mind the change this time. You seem the same as before, sparkling eyes, only a little more mature. You look less like a kid and more like an adult now. You look pretty as you ever are.
"Missed you so much." You mumble. "So so much. Love reading your letters. Please never stop writing to me."
"You read em but won't send responses to my flat?"
"You didn't sell it?"
Simon shakes his head.
"Then I will. I'll write back to your flat." You mumble. "I just worry that your mailbox will overflow."
"Tommy takes care of it."
"Yeah?"
"Mhm."
"Alright." You grin. "You got a phone when you're off duty?"
He shakes his head.
"We'll stick to letters, then."
You sit with Simon at dinner. The wedding is nice. You're nice. Simon missed you, and he almost wants to ask if you've got a booking for somewhere because apparently you had tugged along with you a luggage when you first arrived and left it at the front for safekeeping. Maybe you'll ask him. It wouldn't be strange if you did. He has a day off, but you're more than welcome to stay as long as you want in his flat. He'll get you a copy of his key, even.
Maybe you'll give him a copy of yours next. He'd like to visit sometime.
"Si." You whisper, nudging him gently with the tip of your heel.
"Hm?"
"You got space in your flat?"
"I'll give y' a copy of the key. I gotta get back in the mornin'"
"You only took a day off?"
"'s just a weddin', no?"
"It's Tommy's wedding."
"Still a weddin', angel."
"Oh, should I be worried that you'll only take a day off for our wedding?" You squeeze his arm as you wave at Tommy and his bride.
Simon blinks at you.
"Y' did not just say that."
"Hm?" You tilt your head at him. "D'ya stop lovin' me over our break?"
"Who said I ever loved y'a?"
"The voices." You let go of his arm, going back to the food.
Simon takes you home after you get plastered at Tommy's wedding. He's never seen you drink so much, but to be fair, you didn't drink all that much last time you were at his flat. You seem like nothing to him as he carries you, letting you hang off of his shoulder as he brings you up the stairs, raising a brow at you when you beeline for his bathroom and throw up over the toilet.
"Regret drinkin' yet?"
"No." You rasp. "Fuck, no. Can't get alcohol this good where I'm stuck."
"Thought you loved it there."
"I only love being next to you." You start again, Simon sitting by your side as he holds your hair up. "Fuckin' hell."
"Yer slurrin' your speech, angel."
"Speakin' like you." You huff, crying. "I missed you, Si. Really did."
"Missed y' too."
You rest your palm against your forehead, eyes closed as you whimper. "'s lonely without you."
"Yeah?"
"Mhm." You mumble. "Thought I could take it again."
"Again?"
"Again." You whisper. "And again. Si, I'm not made for casual I'm made for soul crushing devotion. God, I need to move on already. Why's it so hard to move on?"
"F'rm who?"
You turn to him, eyes glossy and red as you let out a laugh— pathetic. Almost as though you were laughing at yourself.
"'m not gonna come clean about that, Si."
"Never?"
"Maybe when you get married." You bend over the toilet again, closing your eyes.
"Though' it was we?"
You laugh. "If you survive."
"You always know somethin', angel."
"Hard not to." You throw your head back, furrowing your brows as you focus on breathing. "I'd like for it to stop, though."
"And how would that happen?"
"Can't. Cursed with the knowledge. Wish you could just fuck it out of me, honest."
You wake up to the worst hangover of your life — head cracking open down the middle as you sit up and rub at your neck, groaning as you stretch your back. Getting plastered at Tommy's wedding was probably not worth it.
"Hey." Simon hands you a bowl of soup, and you whimper as you press it to your lips, drinking.
"Thought you had to go."
"You looked like shite when y' went to bed."
You huff. "So you stayed back?"
"If not me then who?"
"I could've handled it."
"Wouldn' have wanted y'to." He hums. "Wiped your face down last night."
"Thank you, Si." You mumble. "You angel."
"All you."
"No. Not this time." You close your eyes. "Did I tell you anything?"
"Said you thought y'could take being alone again."
He leaves out the part where you had cried about him fucking you.
"Oh." You mumble. "'m just lonely."
Without him.
"Would you let me visit?"
"Shall I give you a spare as well?" You tilt your head. "Or do you want to do it classic style and break into my place?"
"A spare would be nice."
"Okie dokes." You hum. "You can go back in the afternoon. I feel much better."
"Won't let me stay longer?"
"I'd assume you can only stay for so long."
"Can ask for longer. The captain'll get it."
"You don't need to, Si."
"Thought y'missed me?"
"I do."
"Then let me stay. Allow yourself tha' much."
"Yeah?"
He nods.
You let him.
He sticks behind and wanders around with you, following after you with your bags as you point and shop, squeezing Simon gently, stopping halfway to feed him, your fingers nimble on your new device as you click.
"A cell phone?"
"Mhm." You rummage through your bag, frowning when there's a lack of something. "Forgot it."
"Forgot what?"
"I'll give it to you later."
You end up leaving it on Simon's bedside — something he returns to after deployment, brow raised as he reads through the album and the songs you've burned down for him. The letter you tuck behind the tracklist doesn't go unnoticed, Simon's first letter greeting him in the house from you as he looks through the rest of his mail. You've started writing back. Blue and black envelopes stick out from the whites of formal mail, and he flips through them, your writing familiar to his eyes as he sits back with a cup of water, reading through your responses to what he writes to you.
He feels childish writing to you sometimes. The pen feels a little too light for a hand that only knows the sword and not pen. Well, sword is wrong. Gun. His hands are much more used to the weight of a weapon than a quill.
It helps ground him sometimes.
His letters are most certainly darker than yours. You report about what you've been working on in school, sending him tickets to your graduation later in the year. You tell him that it doesn't really matter if he doesn't attend, but you wanted to give it to him anyway. The extra ticket is in case he actually found someone in the military to bring as a plus one.
It wounds Simon that you'd think he wouldn't stick with you.
He writes back to you, marking down your graduation and taking the day off in advance with his captain, nodding when asked if it's the same person he took the week off for last time.
"Must really love 'er, huh?"
"Yes, sir."
"Got a ring on it?"
"No, sir."
"Better move quick, Simon. Yer at the age where dating's all the storm."
Simon wonders if you'd agree to do long distance if he can't call you all that much.
You deserve someone who'll at least be there for you when you need it.
Yet, he lingers a little too long in front of the jewelry store, battered and bruised face in the reflection of the glass, staring himself in the eye as he wonders just why you had called him pretty back then. He's hardly pretty now. Mangled upper lip and scratches on his cheek — there is no trace of the "pretty" you had once called him. Though, his lashes stay the same, so he wonders if you'll still recognize if the only thing visible are his eyes.
He stares for a second too long at the jewelry store, stepping in and looking for something you'd like.
A ring.
"A nice dramatic gem for the engagement ring" you had told him once. Yet, despite it all, the sketches you had drawn for him had been a moderate gem. A ring that would remind you of how much he loves you — it had been a simple request. Even without the title of it all. You did not need to know what you were and what you weren't. If you had the certainty that one day the two of you would end up together anyway, then why waste the effort and consider or think over other people?
Simon understands you a little more now.
"Custom. If y'do 'em."
He pulls out the sketches you made as a child. Messy and childish ones — ones where it's a moonstone or pearly, never a diamond, and ones where Simon's handwriting as a child are visible to leave ideas for his own. You did not know. He did not either. But there's something quite assuring in just knowing. Simon knows you love him. It's quite a simple thing, really. You love him in the letters you write back, painful detail down to the point and making sure not to miss a thing. You love him in the trips where you're back, refusing to book a hotel and squeezing into his flat with him, limbs tangled in an intimacy that you've both grown comfortable in.
Simon loves you too. He loves you in the simplicity of having grown up with you — in the hair held up as you throw up, and in staying back when you won't let him but you need him. He loves you quietly the same way you love him. It's quite simple, really. It doesn't matter if you won't marry him or that you deserve someone better than Simon. All that really matters is that you want him, and he wants you too. There isn't too much other thinking he should do. You've always been more simple like that.
He writes you a letter back, asking if you want any particular flowers (not that he'll get the chance to read what you want).
He'll know what to get you when the time comes.
There's a sense of stability that Simon's learned to realize now that he's older or whatever. Settling down with you and retiring from the military won't kill him. He'll just open a nice little shop by where you live if he has to. You won't let him, but you trust him enough to let him make his own decisions now. It doesn't matter what you refuse to tell him. Time will tell him, and then eventually, you'll be honest. He just has to have faith or whatnot.
He brings the ring to your graduation, sitting in the back with your family, catching up with them. He wears a mask to hide the scars on his face and whatnot, but nothing outside of it. There's a sense of age that's crept up with him, and something weighs on his shoulders, but you'll work it out of him like you always have. Seeing you in your robes and throwing your hat is more than enough to let him forget for a moment.
There's a long life of him ahead on the battlefield if he decides upon it. He'd like something to go home to or meet up with halfway.
Preferably you.
He tucks the bouquet under his arm with the box in his pocket, meeting you halfway as you spot him in the crowd of people immediately, his name yelled and your friends abandoned for him, launching yourself into his arms as he catches you with an arm, humming as you squeeze his biceps, eyes lit up as you ramble to him. He watches you, eyes gentle and warm as his mind reminds him that yes, this is what bliss is to him. Simple, easy, bliss.
"Got you flowers."
"Yeah?" You tilt your head, grinning as he presents them to you. "Can we get dinner at mine later? I'd go to the grad party but I missed you a whole lot and you probably have a hotel so—"
"You'll host me?"
"I live alone."
"Tha's unsafe, angel."
"So?"
"You wan' me to pick?"
"Nah. Takeout at my place, but I'll get to say I have dinner plans."
"And your parents?"
"They'll understand." You glance at the flowers. "You tryna tell me something with the single rose amongst all those yellows? Ooh, white carnations..."
"Maybe I am."
"You've gotten bold, Si." You laugh, squeezing his forearm as your parents spot you. "I'll send you my address. Love you lots, kay? See you in a bit."
Simon bends down to press his lips to your forehead, humming as he sends you off with a pat.
You seem to know too.
He enters with the spare key you keep buried in the depths of the crevice of a window, setting his luggage down as he reads your texts about where to stay and put his stuff. You live comfortably. He understands why you wouldn't want to move. His flat is significantly less impressive than this, yet you stayed with him every time. Considering it all, you probably could've just bought out a flat next to him if you really wanted to.
Maybe there is love in the way you simply choose to exist the way you do.
You return home a little later, makeup smudged and messy as you tell him you ended up in the backseat with some friends, but you managed to get home in one piece. You abandon the robe and hat, shaking out the bobby pins as you recite the local pizza place to Simon, pulling out a drawer with your makeup remover as you do.
It feels oddly domestic.
"Wh'd'ya want?"
"Just tell em my name. They know my order. Oh, tell 'em to make it a combo this time. You can ask them what options they have. I like the wings, but their salad isn't bad."
"This what you've been livin' off of in uni?"
"Maybe." You pause to yawn, shaking the bottle and pulling out cotton pads to get everything off. "They're good though, I promise."
"Trust you." He dials.
You're not wrong.
Simon sits with you on your couch as you tangle limbs with him, pulling the pizza out and letting the cheese stretch as you do, your TV turned on as you let him watch the game.
"Si, what do you think about me moving back?"
"Why? Y'live comfortable here."
"It's lonely without you."
"Yeah?" He reaches down to rub circles on your knee with his free hand. "Y'er so much better off here, though."
"We can just get a new place in Manchester." You lick your fingers, reaching for another slice. "I'll buy it. It can be a dowry or whatever."
"I couldn't let y' do that, angel."
"Why not?" You raise a brow. "I'm willing to."
"Then let me take care of utilities."
"If y'want."
Simon slides his hand up your leg, squeezing your thigh gently as you turn to look at him, pizza crumbs on the corner of your lips as he fishes something out from his pocket.
"If yer willin'—"
"Oh, hell, yes. Please." You grin.
"At least le' me finish."
"Sorry, Si." You hum. "Shall we reroll and rerecord?"
"'s fine." He hums, opening the box as he squeezes your thigh, humming quietly as he presents the ring to you.
"I can't promise bein' in bed with you every night, but I can promise an eternity of the time I have that is my own with you." He hums. "I'll come back to you in one form or another. I'll leave if y'want it. Anything you ask for, I will give. Marry me, angel?"
"Will I be upgraded to luvie if I do?"
"Anythin' y' want. Missus Riley, even."
"It's a yes, Si. Always a yes. Thought it was obvious when I said our wedding at Tommy's." You hum. "Let me wash my hands, though. Got crumbs and oil all over 'em."
"I'll wipe the ring down later. Gimme y'er hand."
You lick your ring finger, giving Simon your hand as he presses a kiss to the finger, delicate, gentle, soft before sliding the ring on.
"Looks real familiar." You observe the design, pausing when it hits you. "Did you keep the drawing I made back in Year 7??"
"Surprised y'noticed."
Your bottom lip quivers, tears welling in your eyes as Simon reaches to hold your head to his chest, humming as you wipe at the tears, chest shaking from laughter.
"Yer so stupid." You laugh, folding the last of your pizza and finishing it in a bite. "y'er such a bloke."
Simon pokes at your cheek, your hand flying up to swat at his as he hums.
"Yer bloke."
"Guh."
Two months later, Simon returns to help you move.
You sell the majority of your furniture and tell him you've got your eye on a nice little place a little more outskirt, but he tells you to pick where you'll be comfortable. He truly only needs to come home to you and it'll be enough. You kick at him and tell him at least to tell you whether it should be a flat or a townhouse or whatever. He settles with you as the two of you look into an agent, and eventually you find a place you both like to some extent.
You move back home to Simon, and you blink as you settle into the new place, keys in your hand as you squeeze Simon. You're back on the couch, legs kicked over his as your thumbs brush at his cheeks, staring.
“Heard Tommy’s baby is coming soon”
“Mhm.”
“Did they pick a name?”
Simon raises a brow at you when you tilt your head and blink.
“Joseph, luvie. Joseph.”
You laugh, cheeks warm as Simon hums.
"Yer still pretty as ever, Si."
"Even with the mangled lip?"
"Adds flavor." You grin. "Funny that we haven't gone on a proper date yet."
"Y'wanna go on a date? Bring your documents. We're off to get the civil ceremony."
"Wow, really can't wait f'r me to become Missus Riley, huh?"
"Waited long enough. 'm sure you've waited longer." He mumbles. "A whole life, even."
"Whole two." You hold up your fingers. "I'll tell you all about it after you finally break me in."
"Bloody hell."
You laugh, cheeks warm and eyes closed as Simon stares.
This, he understood.
You, he understands.
In this life, and whatever other he had.
You, he knows.
"Thinking?" You quirk your head to the side
"Thinkin' bout you, luvie."
"Yeah? You'll be doing that a lot more now, Si."
"Always have been."
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star-spacer ¡ 7 days ago
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Move over Marco it’s whitebeard pirates christmas one shot time
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star-spacer ¡ 7 days ago
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AHHHH AMAZING JOB AS ALWAYS
The way ye automatically rerouted reader to his cabin??? Giving his sash without even saying anything??? We stan a king
I was wondering if you could do an SFW Alpha!Marco x Omega!Reader ABO Drabble? I don’t know if you would do a soft power dynamic between the two, where Reader is under Marcos Division. They have a big fat crush on them but low-key refuse to acknowledge it until they’re stranded on an island together. Reader goes into heat and usually they would just power through it in their own or ask Tate for suppressants. However no one is available and Marcos the only one around that catches it before Reader gets hunkered down. He goes into Mother Hen mode cause, Y’know he’s their division commander and wants to make sure they’re okay, however reader gets flustered and it’s just angtsy sweetness
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Soda licious, Nonnie. I absolutely love this idea….. I think I kept the gist of what you were looking for. Hope there’s enough angst for you <3
I’ve been thinking about a night nurse reader for a long time but didn’t know where to put her - I was originally going to pair her with Haruta… BUT
Imagine you’re an Omega in the First Division...
~~~
“Tate, I don’t think I can stay on the ship anymore,” you lamented to your friend, tossing back another shot. It was Girl’s Night on the Moby, meaning you had a rare opportunity to spend some quality time with Tate. All the nurses were hanging out in the galley, which was closed off to the men of the crew. You enjoyed the monthly girls nights for the atmosphere and time spent with your friends and coworkers, especially your old friend Tate. As the night nurse, you didn’t see her much except for an hour a day when your shifts overlapped in the morning and evenings. Tate had hired you to run the infirmary at night so everyone else would feel secure enough to get a good night’s sleep.
You’d met Tate long ago, the two of you bonding in nursing school over a shared interest in helping those less fortunate. You’d become study buddies and had been friends ever since. Over the years as your lives had taken different turns you’d kept in touch, keeping each other up to date on the adventures you’d taken.
Not that you had been helping the unfortunate, it turns out you needed to take a regular job to earn a living. Before working for Whitebeard, you had been the ship nurse for Doflamingo. The gig had been alright but really boring as Doflamingo didn’t sail very often. Save for the few times a year he left for Warlord meetings, you spent most of your time on the ship doing nothing and waiting around. You didn’t renew your contract with the Warlord and were taking short term jobs at different hospitals when you’d gotten a letter from Tate inviting you to be the night nurse for the Whitebeard Pirates.
After interviewing with Tate and Marco, you accepted the unconventional job and you’d been with them ever since. It was interesting, fun, and there was always something going on with 1,000 wild pirates on board. In terms of clinical care, you enjoyed your work and found tending to the Emperor’s crew to be rewarding in its own way. You enjoyed interacting with Whitebeard, the old man reminding you of your own grandfather who you missed dearly. No, the problem wasn’t with the job or the crew, you thought to yourself.
“Why do you wanna leave me? I thought you liked it here,” Tate whined, grimacing as the bite from the vodka hit her throat. Tate wasn’t using a chaser, the two of you already a few drinks into the night. Not that it was a problem, you’d both given your livers quite the workout during nursing school.
“I do like it here, it’s a great job but -” you started, trying to break the news gently.
“It’s Marco, isn’t it? I knew it, I knew you liked him. You’ve got good taste, he’s a catch. You don't need to leave because of some crush," Tate said with a smirk, making you choke on the beer you were drinking between shots.  The Commander in charge of the First Division was...something else. He was smart, kind, charming, and an incredible doctor. His handsome smile disarmed you daily as you passed off the patient reports to him at shift change. He treated you like an equal, not like a lowly Beta nurse as you’d come to expect from Alpha doctors. His scent was amazing, better than anyone you’d ever been around before. And yes, you could admit to yourself that he was stunningly handsome. You weren’t sure what lucky star he’d been born under to make him such a perfect person. 
“No, it’s not that. I don't have a crush on him, I just don’t know if I can keep this up,” you said, motioning to your whole body.  Marco was one thing, but you’d worked with intelligent and sweet doctors before. No, the bigger issue was that you were an Omega. It was well known on the seas that Whitebeard didn’t allow Omegas onto his crew, not even among the nurses. He said that they caused nothing but trouble as their scents and heats would throw the crew into chaos. And so it had been…until you’d come around. Tate begged you, literally on her knees, to join the crew. She said there wasn’t anyone else she trusted to take care of the crew at night, that she couldn’t sleep at night over worry for the patients, that you were the only person who could fill the job. She said she’d keep suppressants secretly stocked on the ship and that no one would ever know. You thought it was a bad idea to disobey an Emperor’s command but the offer of working with Tate on the ship was too alluring to turn down.
Month over month you took the suppressants to dull your heat down to an unpleasant sensation similar to period cramps. It messed with your head sometimes but overall the medications were working. None of the many Alphas on board smelled your heats or tried to scent you and they treated you like any other Beta. It was kind of freeing in a way, not to be taken less seriously because of your designation. Omegas were thought to be flighty, vapid, and childish, even if it wasn’t true. You were finally getting a taste of what it would have been like to be born as something other than Omega and you'd been enjoying it.
The suppressants worked but the stress you felt every month was overwhelming. You didn’t want to have to answer to Marco in case they ever failed. You started having stress dreams about going into heat and someone finding out, the Captain making you walk the plank to your demise because you were an Omega. Knowing Whitebeard's personality you didn’t think it would happen but ultimately he was a powerful pirate who answered to no one. So even though you enjoyed the work, you didn’t think you’d renew your contract with Tate. You just couldn't take the stress of hiding your dynamic from Marco anymore.
“Oh, come on. No one knows and no one will ever know. The meds work just fine and besides I don’t think anyone would care at this point. You’ve saved me n’ Marco so much anxiety by being here that Whitebeard would make an exception for you,” Tate explained, already eyeing the bottle of vodka for another shot.
“I don’t know, I think it also does something to me. Y’know, avoiding…that for so long,” you said quietly, indicating your heat. Suppressants weren’t meant to be taken long term and you’d already been on them for six months, you needed to take a break or they’d stop working. You’d have to pay the piper and suffer through another heat. You didn’t know where you’d do it - you’d have to find some island far away from anyone on the ship that might know you. 
“Just do it on the next set of islands - there’s a huge city filled with all kinds of people on the main one but you can rent private cabins on the smaller surrounding islands. If you’re missing from the crew no one will notice with so many people and smells around. Rent a cabin room and find some rando to help you. I’ll cover for you, say you need a break from the crew if anyone asks,” Tate argued, filling your shot glasses again. You hummed, mulling over the idea in your head. It wasn’t a bad plan and you hadn’t had a break from work in months.
“Alright, that might work. Let’s think through the details tomorrow - after these SHOTS!” you finished with a whoop, causing the other nurses to woo their enthusiastic reply. You’d deal with all your Omega problems in the morning, it was time to have fun with your friends. 
A few days later you came around to Tate’s idea. The Moby docked at a densely populated island known for its nightlife and partying. Surrounding the main island were quieter islands known for their tranquility and privacy. No one was likely to find you during your leave, you’d booked a solo cabin on a small island. You were spending a ton of money on the cabin and you didn’t think the other crew would bother spending their hard earned wages on something that they couldn’t drink.
You were preparing to leave the ship, making sure your notes and reports were all finished when you felt someone looking over your shoulder. Glancing up, you saw the beautiful blue eyes of the First Division Commander and became flustered.
“Oh, h-hi. I’m just wrapping up, I have um - well, you know, you approved it -”
“Shore leave,” Marco finished your sentence with a lazy smile. He glanced down over your notes from his high vantage point and leaned over your shoulder. Your face burned with a flush as he took the pen from your hand and crossed out a word in your report and rewrote it from behind.
“You accidentally wrote carotid with two ‘r’s. I’m a stickler for spelling,” Marco said, putting the pen back in your hand. You hadn’t moved an inch, the heat and proximity of his body throwing your senses into overdrive. If Marco stayed for a moment longer you were going to combust from all the blood rushing to your face.
“Whatever perfume you’re wearing for your trip is becoming yoi,” Marco said with a tilt of his head and a smile, straightening up and walking away. You felt sweat dripping down your back from sudden stress- you weren’t wearing any perfume. You’d stopped your suppressants that day in anticipation of going into heat for the next few days but you hadn’t expected your scent to begin to come on so strongly so quickly.
“Uh, t-thank you Mar- Commander. Commander Marco,” you stammered, trying to end the conversation so you could get away from the ship full of Alphas.
“Just Marco is fine. I’ll be on shore leave too, maybe we can meet up for a drink?” His tone was calm but his eyes held a fire in them that you couldn’t identify.
“Ah, oh. Um, I’m gonna be busy, I have to - um…I’m busy,” you trailed off, not wanting to tell him the reason you’d declined. If he asked you a second time you felt like you’d fold immediately, telling him anything he could ever want to know about you. 
“Of course, maybe another time then yoi,” he said easily, unwinding his stethoscope from around his neck to continue working. 
“Y-yeah, another time,” you said, still blushing.
You practically threw your notes at Tate to get away from Marco as you left the infirmary that morning. Any other time you might have considered his offer to get a drink but today was not happening. You were already tired from working the night before and you still had a ways to go before you could rest. The urge to nest was building in you, you could hardly stand being on the dinghy to the island with the Alphas and Betas on the crew. It felt like it took an eternity to get from the ship to the little island with the cabin you’d rented. You were bursting with the need to arrange the clothes you’d brought with you as you disembarked on the tiny island. You were walking on the path to your cabin when a familiar bird landed on the dock of the island and transformed. You felt the blood drain out of your face as you ducked and tried to hide behind a tree from your Commander. It didn’t work as Marco spotted you right away and waved. Cursing in your head you couldn't think of a way to get rid of him without at least speaking to your boss.
He began walking over to you with a smile but it faltered into something more serious as he sniffed the air. Tilting his face and looking about, he quickly located what he was looking for - you. He walked briskly over to you in long strides, his brow furrowed as he continued to take deep breaths through his nose.
“Come along,” Marco said calmly like he was talking to an errant child, taking your forearm in his large hand. You bristled at the contact, hoping he was just smelling your stronger scent like in the morning, not reacting to you going into heat. Maybe he was just upset that you’d turned him down for a drink saying you were busy and found out you were alone on a vacation island instead. There was no way he should know you were going into heat this early, the suppressants should hold you over for a few hours until you had time to make your nest.
“W-wait, I need to get to my cabin, I rented -” you tried to object weakly.
“No, you’ll stay in mine, I rented the only other cabin on the island. It’s bigger and has better accommodations. I need a break from my siblings every now and again yoi. I didn’t expect you to be here - and going into heat,” Marco said with a pointed look as he pulled you towards the larger cabin. Your hopes were dashed along with your future - you hung your head as you continued to trail behind your Commander, tears falling unbidden down your cheeks. Finally reaching the little house, Marco opened the door and pushed you gently inside. When the door shut, your fingers itched to begin making your nest in the bedroom, wherever it was.
Marco was right, his cabin was way better than the one you had rented. It had two bedrooms, a full kitchen and a huge claw footed bathtub. You hadn’t had a bath since you’d joined the Whitebeard Pirates and the thought of soaking in hot water was enough to make you swoon. But you had to deal with Marco first, your Commander looking at you sternly as you set your bag on the floor.
“How long do you have until your heat comes on?” Marco asked with concern. He was standing in front of you as you studied the floor at his feet. You couldn’t make eye contact with him right now, it was too overwhelming. He was your boss, your Commander, and the only Alpha in the room and you didn’t want to make things worse.
“It’s supposed to come in about two to three hours,” you whispered. Marco tutted at you, wiping your tears off your cheek with his thumb.
“And what was your goal yoi? To have it here, alone on the island? What if another Alpha smelled your scent and tried to get to you? What if the pain became too unbearable and you suffered? Not a very good plan.” he said, chastising you gently while cupping your cheek. The heat building in you had you wanting to nuzzle into his hand but you were able to stop yourself - for now. You took a deep breath and held it to calm yourself down.
“I didn’t - wasn’t - I’ve been on suppressants,” you stated plainly, glad to be done lying to Marco. 
“I figured that out yoi. I won’t help you through it if you don’t want me to. But I’d like you to stay here where I can keep you safe. I would feel…neglectful if you were hurt during an unattended heat,” he said, stroking his fingers along your cheek.
“Because you’re my Commander?” you asked in a whisper.
“Something like that. Go on now, make your nest,” Marco replied, picking up your bag and handing it to you. You grabbed it with both arms, clutching it to your chest. What you really wanted was the shirt he was wearing and his sash - you needed it for your nest. Maybe you’d ask later but for now you were already ashamed enough at being caught lying to the Emperor and being caught going into heat by your boss. You didn't know what the punishment was going to be but your mind was already clouding with the heat. Scurrying along, you quickly found the bedroom and threw your clothes on the bed. You didn’t have much time before you were hit by the pain of heat onset, you had to hurry. 
You felt Marco watching you from the door frame as you stripped the bed of its blankets and pillows to move them around. Sniffing through the room, you tossed out the rank decorative pillows into the hallway.
“Do you need anything else? Any more linens?” Marco asked, still watching you.
“Ah, no. I think I brought enough,” you said, staring at his sash. Following your gaze, he removed his sash wordlessly and handed it to you with a soft smile. You flushed furiously but took the garment, barely able to stop yourself from putting it over your face to bask in the scent.
“And did you bring ibuprofen for when the pain starts?” Marco asked as you worked his sash into your half built nest.
“It doesn’t help much,” you said while arranging the sheets into a new formation. Marco hummed and continued to watch you. Having him observe your process was even more nerve wracking than it usually was to go into heat. Part of you wanted to tell him to leave but another part was preening for the Alpha in the room. Pushing off the wall, Marco walked towards you slowly. You watched him warily, putting down the shirt in your hands.
“What?” you asked suspiciously as he approached you.
“It’s alright, I’m not going to yell at you. I’m disappointed you hid the truth from me but now’s not the time for that discussion. We can talk it all through later. Tell me what you need, little Omega.”
You cleared your throat and looked up at the handsome doctor. He was watching you with concern, like you were something precious about to shatter. No one had helped you in so long, you'd been taking care of yourself for years. Maybe just this once you could depend on someone else, on someone you knew you could trust.
“I need you, Marco.”
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star-spacer ¡ 8 days ago
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star-spacer ¡ 10 days ago
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anyone else just always ache? I don’t know about you but no matter what I am always aching and yearning. Don’t ask what for, I haven’t figured that out yet
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