#i will always say we deserved to see vi's reaction to their team up in the s2 finale

[arriettyspin]

You ever think about how during her imprisonment in a desperate attempt to claw away the constant flow of grief, sorrow and regrets, Vi found the tiniest bit of solace in the fact that her baby sister was not entirely alone since she and Little Man still had each other? Two freshly re-orphaned children with no one left to care for them - but with their combined brains, Ekko's street smartness and Powder's sharpshooting skills, there was still hope that they could make it out of this wasteland unscathed so long as they stuck together? Right?

[mr-tony-stark]

The guilt that Tony felt for seeing Pepper's reaction to this was almost crushing. He'd vowed to not to do this to her again, and here he was, taking her out to celebrate their new start, and he's doing it.

He moved over in the booth and put his arm around her. He wasn't worried about people seeing them or wondering what was going on. People cried in public all the time now. It was just a new daily normal, and no one would assume they were fighting or he'd been unnecessarily cruel to her.

Although he felt like he had been.

"Please don't cry, Pepper," he said, holding her to him. "Please. I'll do whatever you want to do. If you want to get married, we can get married. I'll marry you right now if you want. I just - I'm just worried about the party. And you deserve to have the wedding of your dreams."

He sat back in his chair and and ran his hands down his face. "I think the romance part of me is broken, Pepper. I don't think I get it. I think I've gone through my whole life thinking that people did these things, giving people flowers, going on fancy dates, all that kind of thing, because that's how you signal to someone that you want the spicy things. I don't want to say just friends, because friends aren't 'just'. But the things you don't usually get with friends. Sex and cuddling and a life partner. It was always why people came to me anyway. I'd give them stuff, or take them out, and they'd have sex with me. Shit - sometimes it didn't even need to be stuff, I could solve their equation for the project they were working on would do it. But there was a signal. I never cared about the signal. What do I care about a flower or a watch? But I give you a bracelet and it means I like you."

He sat forward. He was fairly sure he wasn't making any sense but he was this deep that he was going to keep going. "And then you come along and you impressed me so much, but I'm you're boss and I'm a fucking mess. And I know I want you in my life, so I'm happy that you're working for me. And we get closer and then I make you the boss so maybe it's okay if we have a relationship. And I want one because by then I loved you. So I do what you're supposed to do. I get you strawberries to help me say sorry because I know that there's something about you and strawberries so maybe you'll like them. But god I was so wrong about that. And I get you a giant plush rabbit because the movies always show guys giving their dates giant plush toys, and you fucking hate it. But you still love me. And you still want to be with me. I fuck up all the romance stuff that I don't understand and I don't even like, but you don't care. You love me anyway. So I have this ring - I can't say for sure if I even bought it for you. Maybe I did. We weren't together when I bought it, but I loved you when I bought it. I have Happy carry it around for me, just in case. You know? Because I don't care about getting married. That's just one of those thing people do when they're in love. And I fuck those things up and you love me anyway. But maybe you'll mention it. You'll say that's a thing you want, and I'll be ready to go. But you never did. So I thought we were maybe on the same page? That maybe it doesn't matter to you either. You can love me without all those things I fuck up after all and that's just anther one of them. But then the thing with Peter happens and it seemed like such a good solution. The press loves engagements. And I love you. And I love parties. So we're married? That'll be good. I already think of you as my wife. I still already think of you as my wife. It is fun. I couldn't wait to see your dress, and tasting cake and planning caterers. You know I love all that stuff. I love a party. I hated that the team were all broken up and that Bruce and Thor were just - gone - but we had each other, and we had Happy and Rhodey and Vis. And there were plenty of other people to invite and the whole world had their eyes on us to see the designers and the theme and where it would be. It was good."

He sighed and sagged forward in the chair, his own tears breaking. "And then the world went to shit." He turned his head to look at Pepper. "I guess in my head the baby is different. The wedding is a party. A celebration. I guess to me, that felt like something in poor taste when everyone is grieving. A baby isn't that. We lost four and a half billion people on this planet. Having a baby? That's not a celebration, that's the start of the world healing from it's loss. But what do I know? I don't get it. But I know I love you. I wouldn't marry anyone except you Pepper and I'm so fucking bad at this, and I've messed it up so many times, but you're still here. So if it's what you want, it's what I want. Because I want you and I'll take you in whatever form you want to give yourself to me."

@freckledboss

The shift in his chair, a sign of discomfort. She knows this isn't easy to talk about, and she regrets having such an important discussion while at a restaurant. Where they should be celebrating. Pepper doesn't feel much like celebrating now. The excitement of why they're here to begin with is fading, replaced by sudden sadness and confusion. This isn't the best time nor place, and she realizes that, but they're already in the thick of it, and she wants to say her peace.

"I understand why you're reluctant to have a wedding." His reasoning isn't illogical. In fact, and as much as she may not want to confess, it's rather sensible.

But perhaps by comparing what he wants would help him see from her perspective. “Tony, you think that a wedding isn’t going to go over well with the public… how do you think they’ll feel about us having a baby? Bringing life into this world? Were there not mothers who lost their children? Why should we be allowed to have a child when the world suffers the loss of so many?” She hopes this isn’t too harsh, but it’s reality. “No matter what we do, it’ll be judged and frowned on for quite some time. I know the wedding isn’t important to you.” A part of her won’t admit it, but that does hurt a little. “You might see marriage as just a paper… but then why did you ask me?” The question slips out. Truth be told, she's been very curious as to the reason. Yes, it was an impromptu engagement to save their own asses in front of the press, but still. They could have let the hype settle a bit and then announce they were no longer engaged. It wouldn't have been a decision made lightly by any means. For she didn't recognize how much she wanted him to propose until he'd showed her that ring. But if marriage was something Tony wasn't into, then she would have called it off.

"I'm not going to force us to do this." Despite her best efforts not to get emotional, her eyes start to gloss over. She feels ridiculous. “I never wanted a big wedding… that’s not me. I understand that you want to give me everything I deserve and I appreciate that, I love you for it… but my vision for our wedding wasn’t as grand as maybe you thought it was. I would have been fine with a private ceremony, fifty guests max--but, of course, that's different now, things have changed.”  She’ll wipe away a cascading tear, sighing. "I'm sorry. We're supposed to be happy... I shouldn't be crying."

A moment spent to gather her thoughts. She sobers and considers what he's said. "You're right... this can wait. It's not important... it isn't a priority." Though, to her it isn't just a proposal, just a wedding, just a piece of paper. It's everything. "I don't want this to be the cause of more hate and resentment. There's enough of that going around. If you feel it would be better that we wait... then I'll wait." It may be difficult to let this dream go, and it won't be forever, but she knows he's speaking from good sense. He means well and he's not wrong. Why celebrate with a wedding when their friends and family are gone?

"In the meantime, we have a new house to look forward to and a baby..." there's slight hesitation and she squeezes his hand. "Promise me you'll let me know when you think a wedding would be appropriate?" It could be days from now, weeks, months, years, so long as he's still interested, she'll wait.

@mr-tony-stark

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Sigh, okay. I’m here, so let’s answer some stuff. 

These have come in from the past month or so and I’ve been hesitant to answer any of them, but fuck it. I shouldn’t feel like I can’t answer something on my blog, especially something you guys want me to answer since they keep coming in, because some dingdongs take personal offense to the fact that their favorite fictional character happens to not be my favorite, or that I don’t want said fictional character to kiss another fictional character in a fictional game and wanna yell at me for it.

So here ya go: 

If we’re talkin’ canon, Violet’s fine. I don’t hate her, she’s just fine. I definitely prefer fanon Violet over canon Violet because, in my opinion, everyone in our twdg community did more for her in terms of personality, growth, motivations, likes and dislikes, and overall development than the actual game did. I adore fanon Violet, but I’ve never had strong feelings for Violet as she is in the game.

And yes, I have gotten asked if I’ve read the things Kent has posted about her in the past explaining her character/motivations/the garbage cell scene, and I have read ‘em. I don’t accept everything he says as canon, especially when he makes a point that clearly contradicts the actual text of the game. Like, side note but I can always tell when someone hasn’t read what Kent has written about Violet when they’re talking about her or defending her captured route. They never bring up anything about brainwashing or mental torture because it’s never referenced/shown/hinted at in the game. The most they give is Minerva manipulating her in her fragile state, and theorizing that Lilly used that to keep her in line. So obviously, unless you tell them about Kent’s post and what he explains, they’re only gonna go off the game itself.... which should be enough. 

I feel like if you have to explain things to the audience outside of the game to everyone who supposedly interpreted it wrong..... maybe you didn’t do a great job to begin with. Or maybe you’re changing it to appease people. Either way, you’ve given me two different stories and I’m more willing to believe the story within the game that was created by the entire team than Kent’s single take on it after the fact. Y’know?

If you take everything he says as canon, great! If you agree with him and that’s what makes you happy, if that makes your gaming experience better, I’m glad... but I don’t feel that way. 

I don’t ship violentine, I’ve never shipped it, because I’ve never felt enough/as much romantic chemistry between the two. Minerva ruins so much of the romance in the route for me, Violet and I never seem to agree on much and whenever I try, she usually ends up annoyed with me. 

Once ep2 hits, it’s like we just don’t see eye to eye on anything, and yeah, I know. She stood up for Clementine and AJ after Marlon’s death. That’s great, but I don’t agree with her overall take on the situation... as in, Marlon deserved it and AJ did nothing wrong... therefore, everyone else’s feelings that don’t agree with hers are invalid and AJ should definitely come to the funeral.... who cares if everyone else but her and Tenn are obviously uncomfortable, angry, or distraught at their presence after what they witnessed the night before. Mitch demanding a vote and the majority wanting them gone totally doesn’t make sense or anything, he’s just being dramatic..... sigh.

And yeah, I know Violet’s pissed, too. Her not caring about Marlon makes sense- he gave away the twins, lied about it for a year, then murdered Brody and tried to pin it on Clementine. I’m not saying her feelings are invalid, but that doesn’t make her actions or the things she says okay or mean that I have to agree with her. 

And that’s just one of many things we butt heads on, so maybe you can see why that would put a damper on any potential romance with her. 

Personally, I don’t find her route as compelling as Louis’. There were things I liked, but they’re too overshadowed by the things I don’t like. That’s why I’ll never stream Violet’s route. I wouldn’t have fun, the chat wouldn’t have any fun, and it would basically be me pointing out everything wrong with Vi’s route while wishing I was with Louis and like... that’s not fair, y’know? 

And again, I like brotp Louis/Violet if we’re talkin’ fanon, because I’m sorry, they’re not brotp in the canon game. The game tries to sell it to us that they are, but it doesn’t do a great job. 

Marlon’s death and what it did to them would be enough to ruin their relationship, especially after some of the things Violet says right in front of Louis with no regard for his feelings or how he’s handing his grief. And again, the games tries to play it off like they’re actually super best bros when they talk about one another in Clem’s dorm.... but they’re kinda wrong? 

Violet says Louis cares about people, which is true, but this whole idea that he goes around with all of his feeling on display and he’ll sing about them to just anyone isn’t true. Louis talks about how Violet would do whatever to protect him, meat cleaver in hand, but like... she shows that’s not the case when he’s the one captured and she chooses Minerva over him and the others after not having a single reaction to him losing his tongue, or when she pulls the cleaver out on him and the group after Marlon dies, 

So they don’t have this great understanding of each other. Not saying they don’t care about each other, because I believe they do... but not as much as we wished, it’s just.... it’s not good. Once again, the twdg community pulls through and makes fanon Louis/Violet brotp much better than it is in canon. 

There ya go. I hope that answers some of your questions and clears things up. And look, this isn’t meant to go be some sort of attack on Violet. If you love her and disagree with everything I’ve said here, cool. I’m not trying to take that away from you or change your mind. I’m happy that Violet was able to provide you with a happier experience and I wish you well. People just seemed interested in my personal opinions... some more extremely than others, but it’s fine. 

[khiphop-stories]

Getting Off The Wrong Foot

[Christian Yu | Chapter VII]

Previous Chapters: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI

You were one of the first people to arrive at the filming site. It was an outdoor location today, but the weather looked awful. According to the weather report it was supposed to be sunny day with no precipitation. But in reality, it was the exact opposite. Thick grey clouds hung over the rooftops, darkening the sky. You could hardly even see any blue and only a few rays of sunlight streamed through the cracks in the cloud layer. As you looked up the sky, you felt a single rain drop fall on top your forehead. You knew it was only a matter of time it started pouring down the sky.

As if your hand moved on its own, it dived into your bag and fished out your phone. You quickly made a few calls, informing the staff that the shoot was cancelled until further notice and asked them to spread the word. You also sent home the crew members that were already at the filming site. The only ones left to call was Christian and his team. You dreaded this moment. After what had happened yesterday, you didn’t have the confidence to talk to him. But in the end it didn’t matter what you wanted to do or didn’t want to do, you had to keep up your professionalism. You couldn’t just stop working with someone because you had some differences. If that were the case you would already be unemployed. You called their manager’s number first, hoping you would be able to avoid directly talking to Christian. It was a cowardish move, but you didn’t care. Joo Won was friendly and understanding. He assured you he would let the others know.

Just a few minutes later you received an incoming call from Joo Won again. “Hey Minhee, I can’t reach Christian. He’s probably still driving that’s why he’s not picking up. He left early, so he should be there soon.“

“Ok, I’ll wait for him and tell him myself then. Thanks, Joo Won.“

Well, your plan to avoid him as long as possible was just flushed down toilet.

~*~

Christian arrived shortly after the call. He let his eyes wander around the location, before they rested on you. Since he didn’t see any staff members nor any props around, he already guessed it. 

“Shoot’s cancelled, huh?“ 

“Yeah, the weather’s too bad. I don’t think we can shoot under this condition and it’ll probably start raining soon.“

Just as if the rain was waiting for you cue, it started pouring it that very moment. Without exchanging further words, you both quickly looked for shelter under a building. 

The awkward silence that surrounded the two of you was killing you. It made you even more uncomfortable than you felt before, if that was even possible.

“Christian…,” you decided to break the silence. It wasn’t going to work this way. You wouldn’t be able to work together if there was still this awkwardness lingering between you.  He turned his attention away from the sky and looked at you, his eyebrows cocked up.

“Look, I’m sorry—“

“You don’t have to apologize...not for his bevahior,“ he quickly cut you off, the frown on his face easing up and the corner of his lips raised to a smile. You blinked your eyes at him in confusion, not understanding where the sudden change was coming from. What he was saying now wasn’t making any sense, considering how the last conversation you had with him ended.

“Bu you were really angry yesterday...“ “I was angry,“ he admitted with a nod, yet his voice was tender, not an even ounce of animosity could be found. “But not at you. I was just mad that we lost the deal and I lashed out at you.“

“But it kinda was my fau—“

“No, it wasn’t. I overreacted.“

“But maybe you were right. I blamed it all on Kiseok, but maybe the problem was me all along? Maybe I sucked at being the girlfriend and that’s why he cheated on me. Maybe I deserved it.“

The expression on Christian’s face turned serious. His gaze pierced through you and he spoke slowly as though you were having a hard time understanding him.

“You are not responsible for the way he acts. Don’t even think for a second it’s your fault. I said stupid things yesterday because I was angry. I didn’t mean it.“

You remained silent for a while, letting his words sink in. You replayed everything that had happened the past few months, trying to understand where things went wrong. 

“Min,“ he called you softly, pulling you back to reality. 

“It just doesn’t make sense,“ you shook your head. You were so deep in thoughts, you didn’t even notice how your vision had slowly blurred as tears shot into your eyes.

“Come here.“ Christian reached out and gently pulled you into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you close, rubbing your back comfortingly. The feel of his body so close to yours soothed you more than you had expected. 

“I’m sorry,“ you mumbled into his chest. “I don’t know why I always break down in front of you.” You exhaled slowly, trying your best to calm yourself. You weren’t usually that emotional. You were the type of person who wouldn’t even shed a tear during the most emotional scenes in movies. But lately, all you did was having emotional breakdowns, most of them in front of Christian.

“It’s ok, I don’t mind,“ he chuckled softy as he ran his fingers through your hair.  He must have thought you were a pathetic crybaby, but there was something about him that made you feel so reassured, that you didn’t have to be ashamed of your feelings and that you didn’t have to hide them in front of him. “You must think I’m a huge mess,” you let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Yeah...well, but we all are in some way or another.“ His words were comforting to hear. When he noticed that you had somewhat calmed down, he released you from his hug. 

“Did you already have breakfast?“ He asked you out of the blue. You shook your head in response

„Let’s grab something to eat then.“

~*~

[Time leap]

“I got the pictures from the shoot,“ you told him as you were waiting for your orders.

“How did they turn out?“ He asked you excitedly, his full attention on you. You liked his enthusiasm, it seemed as though he was just as excited as you about all the good things that were happening to you. But it wasn’t that fake interest people always showed you, he seemed to be genuinely happy for you. “Well, I barely recognize myself with all the photoshop, but they look good...just not like me,“ you joked with a chuckle. You took your phone that was lying on the table into your hands and scrolled through your photos to show him the pictures. “They want me to choose some, but they kinda look all the same to me. I might need a professional pair of eyes.“

“Show me,“ he held his hand out. You gave him your phone and watched him quietly as he looked through the pictures. You grew a bit nervous as he wasn’t commenting on any of the pictures. You expected him to at least make fun of you a little bit.

“I would have done it differently,“ he remarked, his eyes still fixed on the screen of your phone.

“How?“ You asked while you were preparing yourself for all the criticism that would probably be coming your way. But instead of criticizing you, he analyzed the work of the photographer. “Well, for starters I wouldn’t have put that much photoshop. You’re pretty as you are. You don’t need that shit. And I would have tried to shoot with natural, warmer light, because that enhances your features,“ he said it so nonchalant, as though he was talking about the weather. Those compliments always left his lips like they were nothing. Maybe he didn’t mean anything either, maybe he was just passionate about photography and he was commenting from an objective point of view. Maybe he was just a professional critiquing someone else’s work. “You should have shot me then,“ you said jokingly with a laugh.

“I would love to,“ he smiled, his eyes turning to you. The look on his face was so soft, it made you feel so comfortable around him, but at the same time it also made you feel  incredibly nervous. You could feel the blood rushing through your veins, heating up your body. Your cheeks felt awfully hot, you were probably as red as a tomato by now.

“Well, I still need to choose some pictures,” you tried to guide the conversation into a different direction before he would notice how embarrassed you were. “This one is the best,“ he pulled his chair closer to you and showed you the photograph.

“This one? Really?“ You looked at the picture and then turned your eyes to him, giving him a look of disbelief. You definitely wouldn’t have chosen that one as your favorite.  “You were a bit stiff, but this one looks the most natural. I like your smile there“ “I know, I’m not a model,“ you accepted his criticism with a laugh. “You could be with your face and measurements.“ “How would you know my measurements?“ “I saw you naked, remember?“ He wriggled his brows at you playfully. “Ok, you need to stop, Christian. You making me blush.“ You pressed the back of your hands, which where still cold from standing outside, on your warm cheeks, trying to cool them down.

Christian licked his lips as a grin appeared on his face, his eye following every of your movements. He loved teasing you, because of the reaction he always got from you. He liked being the one making you blush.

“I’m just saying the truth. You’re not that used to getting compliments, are you?“ “You’re doing it far too often,” you argued.

“Really? I’m even holding back right now. I mean could go on and on how pretty you look in that picture and how beautiful you look right now.“

“You’re a real smooth talker, Christian,” you rolled your eyes. You didn’t take his compliments serious any more as you assumed he was only teasing you.  “That’s why girls like you, because you make them feel special and important.”

“You didn’t receive many compliments from him, did you?“

You shook your head in response. You did get compliments from Kiseok sometimes. But most of the time he either wanted a favor from you or he wanted to get into your pants. So those compliments never really meant a lot to you.

“Man, Kiseok must have really fucked you up. If you were my girl, I would tell you how beautiful you are every single day.“ You felt your heart skip a beat, almost as though it would jump right out of your chest. You stared at him. For a brief moment, you imagined what dating him would be like. Never did it even cross your mind that you would ever start something serious with him. But now that you were visualizing it, you didn’t hate the idea that much either.

„Ok, that’s enough. Shut up, Christian,“ you rolled your eyes at him, letting out a nervous chuckle.

~*~

You resumed shooting two days after and lasted for another two days. The shooting went by smoothly and you wrapped up early. It was very apparent that Dabin had experience in shooting music videos. He was comfortable in front the camera and his acting was good as well. He seemed to trust Christian completely. He followed his instructions well and never questioned his direction. As you finished filming the last scene, one of the crew members suggested to go out for drinks to celebrate the past days of hard work. You liked the idea and encouraged your own team to join them, but you didn’t have that much interest in going yourself. You were tired from the lack of sleep and your legs were hurting from standing all day. You just wanted to go home, take a long hot bath and then go straight to bed. Despite your initial reluctance you somehow let Christian and Dabin talk you into joining them. Since you didn’t have to work tomorrow as it was a Sunday, you didn’t have much of an excuse not to go.

So, now here you were, at some bar in Hongdae chatting and playing drinking games which you obviously sucked at, knowing that this would end in a bad hangover the next day. Nonetheless you were having an awful lot of fun. You were almost sad that you would probably not see this team again after this evening since they were people Nike hired and employed. You had grown quite fond of them. 

Since there way way too many people in the team, you had to spread out to different tables. You sat with a few DPR members and the hair and makeup team. Christian, of course, got dragged to the models’ table and he seemed to be enjoying the attention he was getting there. You didn’t pay much attention to him. You were immersed in the conversations you were having, however occasionally, your eyes and his would meet. He held the gaze and every time his lips would curl up into a warm smile. You were always the first one to look away. You didn’t really like what you were seeing. It wasn’t jealousy, at least that’s what you believed. It was the way he was acting. He did his reputation full justice - the charming ladies’ man who could talk is way into anything he wanted. Right now he was behaving like someone who you would naturally avoid. You were judgmental when you first met him, yet he made you quickly let your guards down. However, seeing him like this, made you question him once again. Just what kind of person was he?

The conversation at your table had taken another direction and now the girls were talking about men they found attractive while the guys were trying to understand their taste, albeit not agreeing. 

“Objectively, Christian’s hella good looking fella,“ Scott then said when asked to give an example of whom he taught was good looking. All the girls at the table agreed in unison swooning over him, but you.

“You don’t think so?“ Dabin gently nudged your ribs teasingly. “You’d be the first.” “I mean, yeah he’s hot, but not the type of guy I personally would date,“ you shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly. “Why not?“ You heard Christian say. You quickly turned to the direction of his voice, your eyes widening in surprise. He was standing right next to you, his eyes staring down at you. He took a chair from another table and placed it down next to you, as he took a seat.

You didn’t get the chance to answer as the topic was changed again. But Christian wouldn’t let you off the hook so easily. “So…why not?“ He asked you again in a lowered voice, so only you could hear.

“You’re not really boyfriend material.“

“Why not?“ He insisted. 

“Well, you’re too popular with girls, I wouldn’t be able to trust you.“ “I’m not Kiseok.“ “I know, I-I just…“ you stuttered, not really knowing what you were even trying to say. “I mean you’re not even looking for something serious. You’re the fleeting type of guy.“ “So your opinion on me still hasn’t changed, huh?“ The tone in his voice sounded bitter.

“That’s not what I meant, Christian,” you quickly threw in, worried that you might have hurt his feelings.

“You’re an amazing friend. You’re sweet, attentive, a good listener. I just don’t see you settling down any time soon and I just don’t see myself starting a relationship with someone who’s not ready yet. Nothing against you... a-and this is just hypothetical anyway. It’s not like anything’s gonna happen, right?“

The expression on his face suddenly changed, a huge grin covering the lower half of his face. “I’m just playing with you,“ he broke out into a hearty laughter. “You don’t need to explain yourself.“

You rolled your eyes and punched his arm in retaliation. For a brief moment, you really thought you had hurt his feelings. 

~*~

Although you didn’t want to be here in the first place, you were one of the people who stayed the longest. The bar slowly emptied and there were only a few people left. Christian was one of them, but he was also about to head home. He bid goodbye to the team and then walked up to you.

“Want me to drop your off at home? You drank quite a bit.“

“I drank way too much,” you giggled. “But you did too, you can’t drive.”

“I drank one beer when we first got here and then I had soda.“

“Really?“ You furrowed your brows at him skeptically. You were under the impression that he had drunk a lot. There were so many empty bottles at the table he sat at. 

“I wouldn’t drive under the influence.” “If that’s the case, then yes,” you smiled at him from eye to eye.

~*~

Christian dropped you off in front of your house. You turned around to watch him leave, but it turned out he was still parking at the same spot. You waved at him and motioned him to roll down the window which he did.

“Why are you still here?” “I won’t leave until your ass passed that door,” he pointed to the entrance. “What? You think I’m gonna get abducted here? In this few seconds?”

“Just go,” he smiled.

You walked towards the door, one hand rummaging through your back in search for your keys. But they were not where they were supposed to be. 

“Shit,” you cursed as you kneeled down, placing your bag on the the concrete floor, using both of your hands to search for your keys. Knowing that Christian was still there and most likely watching you, made you even more nervous. Your desperation grew as you just couldn’t find them. That’s when you remember where you had put them. They were still on your desk in the office.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” You muttered under your breath. With a long sigh of defeat, you got up and walked to his car. Upon seeing you approaching, he rolled down his window again.

“I forgot my keys in the office,” you muttered under your breath, your cheeks turning a pinkish hue out of embarrassment. You bit down on your bottom lips, avoiding his gaze.

“Your office is like on the other side of the city,” Christian remarked drily.

”I know, I know. You don’t have to drive me, I’ll just take a cab.” ”Not an option,” he shook his head firmly. “Get in.”

Before he started the engine, he turned to you again as though a bright idea had just come to his mind.

“Wanna crash at my place?”

[doctor-spencer-ried]

Just a Crush (VI)

Pairing: Spencer Reid X Reader

Hanahaki Disease AU

Summary: More questions arise but things take a turn before you can get any real answers.

Masterlist ~ Part 6 (Word count: 2471)

A/N: My knowledge of behavioral analysis is limited to this show and my Forensic class, so there may be holes and incorrect analysis.

~~~

“What did you and J.J. find out when you questioned the parents of the first victims?”

You and the rest of the team sit in the police department, going over everything once again in hopes of seeing something new. You only have a few days before the unsub kills again, and everyone wants to catch him before that happens.

“The two victims, Joseph Banks and Taylee Caldwell, had been in a relationship for three years according to their parents. They were high school sweethearts and moved in together when they graduated,” Spencer explains, but you notice that his voice lacks any sort of interest in the words, “However, about a week before they were killed, they had a pretty volatile fight. The day before they both disappeared, the parents say they had a very public break up.”

“Could that have been the stressor?” Emily questions from beside you.

It would make sense. If the unsub witnessed the breakup, it could have been enough to set him off. In his mind, they had a bond he would never get to experience because his love is unrequited. They threw away a relationship that he envied, that he wished above everything that he could have. What they did was unbelievable to him. He got angry and killed them because they didn’t realize what they had was unique, special. They just gave up on it.

You begin to wonder about this unrequited love of the unsub. She would probably know about him. The new profile in your head leads you to believe he would show obsessive tendencies towards her. Excessive gifts, attention, actions that could be considered stalkerish. Maybe you can find the girl if you ask around, and then you can find the unsub.

“We should ask about the friends, see if any of them fit our profile,” Morgan suggests, “It’s very likely the unsub had a personal connection with them.”

“That’s a good idea. Ried, Prentiss, go interview the friends, see what you can find,” Hotch intructs, then his eyes dart to you and you freeze, shaking you head rapidly, “Go with them, (l/n), and take it easy.”

You grumble under your breath but nod. Prentiss stands and you follow her, head down to avoid eye contact with Spencer. Why is Hotch doing this to you? Maybe this is his idea of how to break the awkwardness between you and Spencer that has been persisting for the past couple days. Ever since he said those things in the hotel lobby, you’ve been avoiding him like the plague. Yes, your heart still aches when you see him or hear his voice, but now it is a mix of pain and love.

“Where do we go first?” You ask.

“I say we go talk to Taylee’s friends first. They probably would have paid more attention to the type of people she hung out with,” Emily suggests and you nod in agreement.

“The person we’re looking for likely broke things off with the others once the two went missing. He would isolate himself after the incident,” Spencer chips in from behind you, “Hopefully they’ve noticed his absence. It would have been abrupt.”

“Like yo-”

“Hey, Spencer, do you remember the name of Taylee’s best friend? Did her mom ever talk about them?” Emily cuts you off, narrowing her eyes at you. You scoff and cross your arms.

“Yah, Mrs. Caldwell mentioned that most of the friends came to the funeral. She talked about a...Kathryn. Kathryn Jones. She grew up with Taylee, they’re next door neighbors!”

“That’s where we’re going then.”

-

“We’re looking for Kathryn Jones. Does she live here still?”

An older woman, you assume she’s Kathryn’s mom, shakes her head, “No, she moved out after the...after Taylee’s funeral.” She dabs at her eyes with a handkerchief.

Spencer clears his throat and steps up beside you, “And where does Kathryn live now?”

“She moved to the other side of town. She said she didn’t want to be here anymore, where there were so many reminders of…” She trails off.

“Do you know her address?” Emily presses softly.

“Yes, yes, let me go write it down.”

Mrs. Jones dips back into her home, leaving the door open. You sigh and lean against one of the walls, tiredness creeping up your bones. Even with all the extra rest you got the past couple days, being out and about stresses your body. You wish you could lay down and take a nap. Maybe if you take the back seat you’ll be able to.

The mother comes back a few moments later with a card, the address written on it in messy letters. You thank her for her time and head back to the car.

“Are you okay? You seem a little unsteady,” Spencer worries as he comes up beside you.

You shrug and look away from him, replying in a clipped voice, “I’m fine, just tired. Come on, let’s go.”

You don’t see the way he flinches at your steely tone or the flash of hurt in his eyes. In the same way, he does not see the blush that lights up your face and the sadness that clouds your expression. It hurts to be so close to him yet so far. It’s his fault though, and he needs to face the consequences of his actions.

You cover up a cough as you climb into the car.

-

“Kathryn Jones?” Emily knocks on the door.

“Yes?” The girl you’ve been searching for comes to the door, opening it a smidge.

“Hi, I’m Emily Prentiss from the FBI, and these are Agents (l/n) and Reid, we have a few questions for you, if that’s okay.”

Kathryn nods slowly and opens the door the rest of the way. You step in after your companions, taking a quick look around the room. It’s pretty bland for a college student. Not many personal touches or bright pops of color that might be expected. Everything is in order and decorations are sparse. All signs of someone going through an overwhelming change in their life.

You settle down in the living room and Emily begins the interview, “We were wondering if you’ve noticed an absence of anyone after Taylee’s death. A close friend perhaps who’s became disconnected from the rest of your group.”

“What, what do you mean?” Kathryn asks, eyebrows drawing together in confusion, “You think a friend killed…?” Her voice slowly dies off.

“We do believe that the murderer could have been a friend of Taylee or Joseph,” Spencer tells her, “Their breakup would have had a big impact on him. Can you recall anyone that had a negative reaction to their separation?”

“Well, I mean, yah. We were all pretty shocked,” Kathryn shifts uncomfortably, “Everyone thought they were going to get married eventually.”

“Okay, but did anyone stick out? Did anyone get angry about it?” Emily asks.

“No, not anyone I knew. We all...we all just wanted to comfort Taylee. She was heartbroken.”

“Do you know who initiated the fight and the breakup?” You pipe up, curious.

“Taylee did,” the words are quiet, “she thought Joseph was cheating on her.”

This piques your interest, “Was he?”

Kathryn shakes her head, “No, he was always faithful to her. No one knows why she got paranoid. He always treated her right, respected her. They were perfect together.”

You wonder if that is the particular fact that stressed the unsub. In his eyes, the woman is at fault for ending the relationship, so she is the one who deserves to suffer for it. Now he targets any couple who seems unsatisfied with their relationship.

After a few more questions, Emily decides that there’s nothing else to be found out. She begins to usher you and Spencer out but you ask her to give you a minute. You wait until they’re both out and the door is closed before you turn to Kathryn.

“I have one last question for you if you’re okay with that,” You prompt, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Okay?”

“Do you know anyone who has been getting some unwanted attention? A girl. Perhaps she’s getting gifts or she feels like she’s being followed or watched?”

You just need something. A name, or a description. You need to find this girl.

“Um, I don’t, I don’t know.” You narrow your eyes at her hesitation.

“Are you sure?”

“Well, I mean, there’s this one girl I used to be friends with in highschool. She always got notes and stuff in her locker, but she had a boyfriend, and they weren’t from him. Sometimes she got freaked out about it, but it didn’t seem like anything big, just some high school crush.”

That’s how it always starts. A tiny crush.

“Are you still in contact with this girl?”

“Not really, she and her boyfriend got married and moved away. I have no clue where they went.”

She’s gone? You grind your teeth together. Of course she’s gone. The only living connection you have to the unsub is gone.

“Do you know anyone that may still be in contact with her? Anyone that might have her number?”

You need to talk to her. You need to find out who this psycho is. He needs to be stopped before he can cause any more damage. You need to stop him.

Kathryn shakes her head and you have to refrain from groaning. Great, just great.

“Thank you for your time. And I’m sorry for your loss,” You offer shortly before going out to meet the others by the car.

You run a hand through your hair in frustration, biting your lip so hard that you taste blood. That’s normal now though, isn't it? The permanent burn in your throat, the tightness in your chest, the flowers in your lungs. They’re not going away anytime soon. You will die eventually because of them and so will this unsub. He needs to answer for his crimes before that happens though.

“Is everything okay?” Emily approaches you when you step out the door.

You swipe at your bleeding lip and nod.

“I’m going for a walk. I’ll meet you at the station.”

The words are determined, leaving no room for arguing. You really need to walk and think. Being near Spencer doesn’t help you to do that, and you really need to figure out another way to find this guy. Your body is screaming at you to rest, but you need to do this.

Emily doesn’t say anything so you decisively turn around and start down the sidewalk. The station isn’t that far anyways, but it’s enough to clear your head.

“Wait,” Oh no. “I’m coming with you.”

No no no no no. Why? Why can’t he leave you be for just one moment?

You know there’s no way of stopping him, so you just keep walking, too aware of the footsteps coming up behind you. It’s difficult but you force your eyes to stay forward, refusing to look at him. There’s no telling what will happen if you look at him now. Your mind is all over the place and your emotions are no better. You’re frustrated, tired, and upset.

“Can we talk?” His voice is meek in a way you have never heard before.

“I can’t really stop you,” You grunt, attempting to keep a monotonous expression.

“I’m sorry.”

Your steps almost stagger.

“Really?” You stop in your tracks to face him.

Your words aren’t angry or anything, just inquisitive. You’re too tired to be mad at him. The past two days have been a living nightmare for you, and from what Emily has told you, it’s been rough for him as well. You thought you could keep it up for a few more days, but the pain has only gotten worse and the illness has progressed quicker than you expected.

“What I said was inappropriate at the time, at any time, and I was wrong and immature,” He speaks quickly, like he can’t control it.

“And hurtful and ignorant,” you cut in, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I know and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of it, I was just worried.”

You scowl softens a bit and you finally let your eyes trail up to meet his. His entire face expresses how apologetic he is, eyes wide and pleading. You sigh, giving up completely on staying mad at him. You should have known it would be useless. He has always had a place in your heart, you can’t deny that. You could never deny that.

“I know you were worried Spence,” You whisper, reaching out to grab one of his hands which lay limply by his side, “And I’m sorry I worried you, but I’m an adult. You know that. I’m an adult FBI agent. I can protect myself.”

“But you’re sick.” His eyes dart around your face, lips pursed and eyebrows drawn tightly together.

You sigh. If only he knew.

“I’m not stupid though. I know what I’m doing and I know how to take care of myself.” You look down and give his hand a squeeze before letting go, “I was at the crime scene because I knew there was something we missed, something that could lead us to the unsub. I was right too, but you dismissed me.”

This seems to catch his attention and his eyes blow wide, “What? You found something? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I was too busy being yelled at,” You drawl, fixing him with a steady gaze that makes him shift uncomfortably.

His mouth falls open, sputtering out another apology, and you just smile at him sadly. He probably doesn’t know the true depth of the hurt he caused you. No simple apology can fix that, but it’s kind of him to try. That’s all you wanted from him.

“What, what did you find?” He finally asks, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

You press your lips together tightly, knowing the information won’t really help anymore now that you know the girl is gone. You clench your fists, nails digging into your palms as you stare at the concrete below your feet. “It won’t do much now.”

“It could sti-”

The sound of a sharp impact rings in your ears and your head jolts up just in time to see Spencer crumble. Your mouth opens, a scream stuck in your throat, but it gets cut off when something heavy slams into your temple. You fall to your hands and knees next to Spencer.

“Spence?” You try to reach out to him but lose balance and fall to your side.

“You should have gone with the other agent, (y/n) (y/l).”

Your head jolts towards the voice and you barely make out the dark, looming figure before everything falls into darkness.

Part 7

[goodguyjean]

@mirandafandomette Yup! In this booklet that comes with an Armin figure, it says that “Jean dislikes that Armin is always together with Eren.” As we’ve already talked about on chat (but I haven’t talked about it on my blog before, so I’m gonna use this comment as a jumping off point, thank you lol), this booklet’s canon status vis-à-vis the manga is questionable, but I think it’s a defensible interpretation to say that Jean is at least slightly jealous of Armin and Eren’s relationship in the manga. However, I think Jean primarily dislikes their closeness because he thinks Armin underestimates his own skills as compared to Eren’s. And Jean is right, in a way, as we know from the Trost arc–Armin is surprised at the faith that Eren and Mikasa have in his abilities, worried that he’s primarily been a burden to them. The way I read it in the manga, it seems that Jean wants to be close to Armin himself, but in a way that he feels is more genuine and equal than the manner in which Eren and Armin relate. (I’m not taking a stab at Eren and Armin’s actual friendship here, only attempting to explain Jean’s initial understanding of it!)

The rest of my analysis is under the cut because I’m long-winded and I like pictures ^^’

To begin, I’m pretty sure the booklet is making a direct reference to the following scene from chapter 23:

Now, I know these panels have caused a lot of discourse, and I’m probably getting myself into hot water by bringing them up, but I feel like I eventually have to address them as a Jean/Jearmin fan (just like I inevitably had to talk about chapter 53 …), so here goes nothing. 

This scene poses a lot of difficulty of interpretation because it’s translated slightly differently each time I see it. This screen grab is from the official English translation of the manga, and it seems to be riding a pretty hard line between Jean calling Armin a sycophant who depends on a guy when he doesn’t need to, and Jean essentially saying, “No homo, like you and Eren, but you’re a pretty legit dude.” “Creeped out” and “fawn” are quite ambiguous words, and (according to a friend who reads Japanese) they’re reflecting a similar ambiguity in the original text, although most of that polysemy is apparently generated by Jean using “rude conjugations”. The gist of her reading is that she can’t definitively say Jean’s language is homophobic, but she also can’t rule it out as a possible meaning. However, the English dub of the anime (and my friend confirmed that the Japanese is the same in the anime and the manga for this scene) translates Jean’s comment as, “It always bothered me how you clung to Eren like a security blanket, but I always knew you were brilliant.” I think, based on the second half of Jean’s statement here and after consulting with my friend, that this is an equally defensible interpretation of Jean’s words. His line “I always thought you were capable” implies that his first comment is mostly about Armin relying on Eren when he really doesn’t need to; Armin is very capable on his own, and Jean sees this about him. And Armin’s response almost seems to affirm Jean’s assessment because, according to my friend, he’s also using rude speech forms! He rises to the occasion and meets Jean banter for banter. In the words of my Japanese consultant (who, I should say, doesn’t read or watch Attack on Titan), “Wow, they’re really going at each other!” 

So, keeping all of these difficulties about the language in mind, how should we interpret this scene? I’ve seen several different readings of it, but I don’t think I’ve seen one that totally captures all the nuances at play here, so I’m going to try my hand at it. Jean is saying that he is disturbed a capable or “brilliant” soldier such as Armin would waste his time on a guy like Eren–so this comment is kind of a dig at Eren too. At this point, Jean just doesn’t get Armin and Eren’s friendship, and suggests that Eren doesn’t deserve Armin’s attention. He expresses himself in strong language, in a way that implies there is something extreme about Armin’s devotion to Eren. In the manga translation there’s an implication of a romantic interest on Armin’s part, and in the anime translation Jean suggests that Armin’s reliance on Eren is childish. I prefer the anime translation in this case because I think it also speaks to a broader criticism of Eren that Jean has: that he’s not thinking of the way his choices hold back his childhood friends, who are both more capable than Eren in someways. 

Chapter 3. 

When this critique is turned on Armin for following Eren instead of Eren for leading a friend astray, the accusation becomes that he is hero-worshiping Eren at his own expense. I recognize that “no homo” is still a possible valence of this moment, but I think that doesn’t account for the full meaning of the sentence: even though you devote your efforts to Eren’s causes, your capabilities actually exceed his. Whether or not we fully agree with Jean’s assessment, that appears to be the sentiment behind his words.

There’s further context for interpreting this moment to be found in Reiner’s reaction to Jean and Armin’s exchange. 

Throughout this whole conversation, Reiner has been commenting on how supposedly selfish Jean Kirstein has suddenly starting thinking about others and acting like the member of a team. Here we get a rare personal reflection from Reiner on the change in Jean, seemingly triggered by his conversation to Armin: “Jean really is different.” Given Reiner’s response here, I think we should read Jean’s comment to be intended as a compliment, even if it comes out in a really backhanded and problematic way. Does that absolve Jean of his rudeness? No. But it gets at the core meaning of his words: he respects Armin despite the fact that he’s a confidant of Eren, Jean’s ideological rival. And in order to have come to such an opinion of Armin, Jean had to be observing him. Jean has revealed to Reiner that he has been paying more attention to his comrades than he previously let on, that he actually has respect for some of them, and that he’s willing to assist them when they need it, even at great personal risk (ex: the whole “distract the Female Titan” plan they’re about to execute). 

And perhaps we can read some jealousy in this moment too. Jean thinks Armin is too capable to be relying so much on Eren. I think, based on later scenes of Jean and Armin’s burgeoning friendship–a development which is spurred by Jean continually seeking Armin out to debate morality and strategy–that we can interpret Jean as jealous of Eren having such a talented friend, although I think it would go too far to say that Jean wants Armin to “fawn” over him like he thinks Armin “fawns” over Eren (even for a shipper like myself, I don’t think Jean would want a romantic relationship where there was a lot of fawning; it might feel disingenuous to him). Jean admires both Armin and Mikasa, and doesn’t seem to want to become their Eren so much as he wants to build his own kind of relationships with them. He sees their relationship to Eren as unequal somehow, with Eren under-appreciating their talents and support, and thoughtlessly leading them into serious danger.  So I believe he is jealous of their closeness, but not wishing for them to see him exactly as they see Eren.

As a final thought to wrap up these ramblings, Jean also seems to have a peculiar way of expressing affection for Armin where he jokingly insults him. We see him speak this way to Armin at least twice more, once at the beginning of their friendship and again when they are closer.

Chapter 33.

Chapter 82. 

Although Jean seems comfortable openly expressing his admiration for Mikasa, he tends to qualify his praise of Armin’s brains with tongue-in-cheek digs at his intelligence. This is probably due to their genders; while Jean does appear to be comfortable showing more physical affection to Armin than his other male friends, he struggles sometimes with open verbal affection. And so they have this repartee, their own particular way of communicating within their friendship that does, indeed, differ from the way Eren and Armin interact. Although there is clearly mutual affection between them (and Jean takes such care of Armin’s emotions, but that’s a subject for another post), there’s also a semi-ironic lack of “fawning”–Jean’s admiration and care for Armin is palpable, but he jokes that he’s not fawning, nope, not even a little bit! We can see here that Armin understands his meaning from the way he smiles … and Armin must feel some guilt about how he’s about to sacrifice himself for a victory at Shiganshina.

Okay, so to try to tie all of these seemingly disparate observations together into a coherent conclusion: Jean initially dislikes Eren and Armin’s closeness because he feels it undermines Armin’s own talents; he probably feels jealousy over the fact that someone like Eren has such a capable friend like Armin, even if he doesn’t want to have the same kind of friendship with Armin as Eren does; his distaste for “fawning” (even if we do want to interpret it as a homophobic dig) does not necessarily mean that his attraction to Armin does not have the potential to be romantic, only that he distrusts elaborate expressions of affection and possibly has some internalized homophobia; and that this scene fits into a pattern of Jean expressing his respect and admiration for Armin with ironic insults.

[essayofthoughts]

Prompt: Sequel to Unto Death! The team's reaction and trying to figure out what this all means for Pietro physically and in the future.

Sequel to Unto Death.

Send me fic prompts!

AO3 Mirror.

i.“You did it on purpose,” Steve says when they settle back in on Earth. “Every death you caused, that was no accident. Every man you killed, every broken neck, every crushed rib cage…” He looks at her as though he is seeing her for the first time. “Wanda, how many people did you kill?”

ii.The team fears her now, more than they ever feared her before. This is more than the knowledge of the mere potential of her powers, more than the memory of her scarlet scratching out their fears.

She has killed people, willfully, meaningfully, with no sense of guilt or shame to dog her footsteps. If it came to it, for Pietro, she would kill again, as many times as it takes to keep him safe, keep him alive, keep him well.

If the life of Thanos fails to sustain him, if Hel’s death is not enough, Wanda will sacrifice over and over for as long as Pietro cares to live.

iii.Wanda walks tall and unafraid. She holds her head high, never ducks her chin or drops her gaze. She knows what she has done and what it means, knows the others fear her but, “I cannot control their fear,” she whispers to Pietro, fingers dancing scarlet over his palm. “Only my own.”

Pietro has never wanted to see his sister afraid, see her sad or forced into weakness by the world, but something in her fierceness here almost scares him, but for the fact he knows it was he who made her this way.

If he had not died she would be as she ever was. Unafraid, undaunted, immeasurably powerful. All things he has known her to be at her core, all things he has worked towards seeing her be all their lives.

And yet, now he is fearful of it, fearful of her defiance of the world, fearful of what she might do. She has sacrificed to gods and sacrificed a god, killed people for the single, simple reason that his life meant more to her than theirs did.

He has always known they would do anything for each other but now, seeing it, it sends throttling fear curling around his heart.

iv.“I won’t repent,” says Wanda. “I cannot undo what I did. I would not even if I could, those lives are all that kept Pietro living, thriving, until Thanos and Hela arrived.”

Vision watches her, hands of vibranium and flesh folded over each other. “Wanda,” he says, voice soft and earnest, gentle and oh, oh so naive. “Wanda you killed all those people for one person’s sake. Tens of lives, all unique and individual, all which-”

“Attacked us,” Wanda interrupts. “They attacked us first, every one of them.”

Vision stares at her, as though unsure of how to make her grasp the point. “But not all meant to kill us. Must someone only attack us to deserve death? What makes us worth so much more?”

Wanda looks at him, looks at the sky, looks deep into his eyes. “It is not us,” she says, “That are worth so much more. It is Pietro.”

v.Pietro sits in on the edges of their meetings, shimmering into shaking, nervous, anxiety-wracked blue, hands blurring on one of the innumerable fidget toys Sam gave him before… Before.

“It’s Wanda,” he whispers when they finally tease it all out of him. “I do not think she is sane. Stable. I do not think she has been since I died.”

He does not look at them, but down at the toy in his hands, moving so fast it is a blur. His shoulders are hunched up defensively. 

“I will live yet,” he says. “Thanos’ death and Hela’s, I am stronger than I have ever been, and it shows no sign of fading. But Wanda is…” He looks up at them, his gaze grazing past theirs in momentary contact. “Something is wrong.”

vi.Pietro grows oddly distant. He is still there for her of course, always at her side if she but thinks his name, but there is always one of the fidget toys Sam gave him in his hands, blurring into an indecipherable mess, as indecipherable as his thoughts, speeding faster and faster until she can no longer read them.

He is fretting over something, something he does not want to talk to her about, not yet.

Wanda does not push, but she worries too.

vii.“What do we do?” asks Pietro. He’s still sat at the edges of their meetings, by Sam or Clint who show him a rough kind of affection, or by Vision who sits there unafraid of his bloodstained hands. He is at the edges, but he is much calmer than he was. The fidget toy in his hands is spinning absently, his hands turning to feel the odd sway it gains when held in the air. “What can we do? A thought alone might warn her.”

There is not much they can do, not against Wanda’s power, not if they faced Wanda’s wrath. Not if Wanda thought them a threat to her brother.

“We do what we can,” says Natasha. “We can’t do more and to do less would be…”

“An abdication of duty,” says Steve.

viii.Wanda is meditating when she feels Pietro’s mind at the doorway. She curls her cloud of scarlet in, inch by curlicued inch until is all tucked back into her veins, tucked up between her ribs. Only then does she open her eyes and look at her brother.

He stands in the doorway, watchful and waiting, patient as he only is for her. His mind is spinning beyond her scope, but the fidget toy in his hand dangles loosely, no longer an output for anxious energy.

“Wanda,” he says, voice soft, a touch sad. His free hand extends to her. “Walk with me?”

ix.Pietro walks in silence. It is not a comfortable silence, there is the knowledge that, in a way, this might be a betrayal to Wanda, even as he knows she would never hate him, never hurt him, no matter what. They are half each other’s souls, after all. To kill one is to kill the other, to hurt one is to hurt the other.

And they would never hurt themselves, for each other’s sakes.

x.Pietro stops before a plain wooden door, in a part of the facility Wanda barely knows. They had tried to make her come here once, after Pietro was- after- 

But she had not. She does not know why Pietro would bring her here now.

Pietro slips the fidget toy into his pocket, takes her hand in his. His thumb grazes over the back of her hand.

“There is something wrong with us,” he says. “I think it has been wrong since we were ten, since the shell. It is not… it is not normal for people to build a whole life out of one another, to rely on each other so much that one death will kill the other.”

“We are not normal,” Wanda whispers. Her hand is white-knuckled in his as she stares at the door.

Pietro looks at her, looks back at the door. “We were once,” he says. “I think, after everything, after I have died and come back and we sacrificed a god… I think we should try to be a little normal.”

[grumpyandgorgeous]

In which the Emmys snubbed Queen Sugar, Insecure, and Fleabag

Before I get to my annual Emmy reaction list, a short thing that has driven me crazy in both the Golden Age and Peak TV eras of television: why can't we just celebrate stories about women?

I first noticed this a few years ago when reading through Alan Sepinwall's The Revolution Was Televised, a sort-of anthology of interviews and behind-the-scenes details discussing a number of dramas that began this unprecedented era of television. This book became a much wider read than I think anyone initially thought it would be when NYT critic Michiko Kakutani wrote a very positive review and included it in her top 10 books of the year. Kakutani admits in her original review that she is not an avid television viewer, but a fan of Sepinwall's blog and thus found the book very informative and engaging.

However, as an avid tv viewer myself, I found the basic premise of the book to be somewhat flawed. While I imagine the shows that Sepinwall focused on came down partially to access to the creative teams and his own personal preferences, they do not together make for a consistent bunch of dramas. At the time I read the book, I found myself somewhat confused by the inclusion of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a show which arguably pre-dated the era the book claims to focus on, and bewildered by the exclusion of Six Feet Under, something which was part of the original movement of high-quality HBO dramas, premiering not long after the Sopranos. I also found myself questioning the inclusion of the series Oz, a show I have only ever heard a mix of opinions about, and which I never see cited as part of the beginning of this era of television. Overwhelmingly, critical consensus seems to start this era with the Sopranos.

Nevertheless, i prepared to be convinced by Sepinwall, and read the book.

I was not convinced.

At heart, The Revolution Was Televised rests on an unclear foundation. Is the book about this new age of excellent television, or is the book about the hyper-masculine shows that found critical acclaim in that time? While I believe the book intends to be the former, it is more like the latter. However, it doesn't really achieve that either, and there is no meaningful analysis in the book about why, overwhelmingly, male-driven shows were the ones to take off in this time period, nor any critique of that. The exclusion of Six Feet Under was largely a personal choice--I have read that Sepinwall does not particularly care for the show--but including it would have provided some necessary diversity to the book, something it lacks.

This is obviously not to say that the shows that are covered are only for dudes; obviously women enjoy these shows as well. But my favorite of these shows, Breaking Bad, featured only two female characters throughout all its seasons, and one was overwhelmingly hated by its male-viewers and seen as only the protagonist's nagging wife. The shows of The Revolution Was Televised lean heavily male-centric, and the book never discusses this or wonders why. This is particularly frustrating for an educated television-fan reader,  because clearly there were good shows that did not skew aggressively-male during this time period--like Six Feet Under, which had only two major white straight male characters in its entire run, and focused largely on the domestic, personal problems of an extended family full of women, gay men, black men, and Latinx.

You might be thinking, Why is this woman railing against a book that came out five years ago? Because I feel like it is the earliest sign of how shows that don't focus on Men (mostly White Men, but not always) get the shaft. And I was reminded of my problems with this book when I looked at the Emmy nominations today and saw a lack of them for Queen Sugar, Insecure, and Fleabag.

Insecure and Fleabag are comedies, yes, but I think the argument can be made in the case of both shows that they trend toward the seriousness of modern comedies that seem to always get men nominations, like Louis CK and now Donald Glover. While both comedies feature the professional lives of their characters, in neither show is it a focus. Both Fleabag and Insecure deal with the deeply personal, with the familial, friendly, and romantic relationships of the main characters. Is it that aspect that keeps them relegated to the sidelines? Is it because so much of Atlanta is about the journey of Paperboi and so much of Louis is about Louis CK's career that these shows are considered more worthy of reward? Is it that these women aren't inherently likeable, and that's always a problem for women but never for men?

Queen Sugar's complete shutout is what pains me most. In thinking about the show and counting up the leads, I realized it isn't even a female majority cast--it's just that the women of Queen Sugar are so powerful they take over the screen. Ralph Angel, Davis, Micah, and Hollywood are great characters, but they stand no chance against Charley, Nova, and Aunt Vi. These women command the show. But is it that because the show focuses on the issues these women face, and the family they draw strength from, that it can't be considered one of the great dramas of this age when it so clearly is? The writing, directing, and acting in Queen Sugar are uniformly excellent. There is no one, all the way down to Ralph Angel and Darla's young son Blue, who doesn't carry their weight on screen. The overall quality of the show is something to be applauded and lauded.

But it didn't receive a single nomination. And as much as the Emmys are a more diverse beast than the Oscars, I hope that they come to recognize the best in quieter, more female-driven, and especially WOC-driven, television soon: as it stands, we are leaving out shows about women and people of color from receiving the accolades they deserve and whitewashing (and male-washing) this era for the television history books.