#i will also say I don’t think they would know off broadway productions that gained small American fanbases (ride the cyclone/heathers/bmc) &

[ssruis]

The problem w attempting to write anything ruikasa (esp rui pov) is you have to fully become one with the show freak theatre kid. So many times in my head I’m like both of them would probably be referencing some thematically appropriate show for either the situation or wider narrative but I know like 10 musicals and even less plays. I don’t have their wealth of knowledge of every popular play/musical and hundreds of obscure ones and honestly I don’t want to have that knowledge. + there’s also the issue that referencing anything too modern just feels weird.

Like yeah they would both know hamilton (unfortunately) but I think if I read something that involved them discussing hamilton it would take me out of the story so badly that I’d be unable to continue. It would feel like a Glee moment. “Wow this is just like when burr shot hamilton” that would make me hope they both died painfully. Referencing Sondheim shows or alw shows or any of the more classic broadway shows (anything written before the 90s that has been on the big stage)/older plays (Shakespeare plays, for instance) kind of avoids that issue but then it’s a matter of “how many scripts/shows am I willing to read for research” (the ideal answer is zero). General rule of thumb seems to be “if it’s old enough that it’s fair game to do shit with and iconic enough that two Japanese teenagers would at least know of it, then referencing it doesn’t feel weird”

[365days365movies]

April 8, 2021: Swiss Army Man (2016) (Recap: Part One)

Don’t think about the Boy who Lived.

Daniel Radcliffe is a talented actor with a wider range than he’s given credit for. He’s been working since childhood, and has picked up quite a lot over time. While most famous for...a certain role that will go unnamed...he famously started his stage career in 2007 with the musical Equus, and that later progressed to How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, and Endgame.

Meanwhile, he also made appearances of television in varied roles, live-action and animated. He started his career in an adaptation of David Copperfield in 1999, voiced a character on The Simpsons three separate times, hosted Saturday Night Live in 2012, and also currently has an excellent role in the anthology series Miracle Workers.

And MEANWHILE, he also had quite the robust film career, especially after...the role which shall not be named. There were a few films made during that time period, like December Boys and The Woman in Black, but most of his time was understandably taken up, as was his public image. That, of course, ends in 2011. The first time I saw him in a role outside he who shall not be named was in the film Kill Your Darlings, about the collegiate career and romance in the life of famous gay poet Allen Ginsburg. It was very good!

The same year, 2013, he starred in Horns, a unique fantasy film that I considered watching for Fantasy March. His film career would be full of ups (The F Word, Trainwreck, Lost in London) and downs (Victor Frankenstein, Now You See Me 2, Playmobil: the Movie oh God REALLY JESUS). And right in the middle of those came one of his most famous weird roles. And that’s today’s focus. And I’ve been wanting to watch it for YEARS. And while we’re talking about him, let’s talk about this film’s other star: Paul Dano.

Dano’s career also began young, and in the opposite way to Radcliffe’s: in theatre first. After a stint on Broadway at the age of 12 (GODDAMN) in Inherit the Wind, as well as several other productions, he transitioned to film in 2000, around the same time that Radcliffe started as well. Eventually, he gained acclaim with his role in Little Miss Sunshine, and then...anybody else in the mood for a milkshake right about now?

Yeah, I haven’t seen that movie, but I really should this year. Consider it on my list...at some point. I’ll figure it out. Anyway, Dano’s role in There Will Be Blood only increased his acclaim, and found him acting in a number of indie films. Dano’s definitely not a blockbuster guy, but that’s not to say that he completely avoids them either. He’s been in Knight and Day, Cowboys and Aliens, and Looper, which all fall under that category. And except for the last one...they aren’t especially good, either. 

But again, he was also in 12 Years a Slave, Okja, Wildlife, Where the Wild Things Are, and Meek’s Cutoff, and all of those were critically acclaimed, and some almost reached blockbuster status themselves. So I don’t really know how to feel about his upcoming role as...the Riddler.

Yeah, we’ll see, but I’m holding my breath. Dano’s great, and I love the Riddler, but...I dunno. Like I said, we’ll see. But in the meantime, that’s enough navel-gazing. Let’s watch Swiss Army Man! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin at sea. If you have thalassophobia, this is already terrifying for you. After seeing many plastics floating on the ocean, covered in written messages, we make our way to a deserted island, where Hank Thompson (Paul Dano) is committing suicide after being stranded there for so long.

However, as he does, he spies someone lying on the beach. The rope snaps, and Hank runs over to greet the body, hoping that he isn’t dead. Unfortunately, after a very loud burst of flatulence, it’s pretty damn clear that this is a dead body. And yes, this is Daniel Radcliffe, but I’ll introduce him formerly when the time comes.

Hank’s sad that the guy isn’t alive, but still speaks to him about his hopes and dreams in the past. He’d always wanted a life of parties and friends and love, and imagined that he’d see that kind of life in a flash before he died. Instead, he only saw the body, who responds with yet another fart. But with that, Hank goes back to trying to hang himself. 

And as he does...the body keeps interrupting with its INSANE gas. Like, it’s so bad that the body keeps shaking as if it were alive. The body washes into the sea, and its flatulence begins to propel it away from the shore. Hank sees this, and he uses the humming he was doing to make the Intro Song, which is strangely mesmerizing? Like, literally soundtrack-worthy, I’m not kidding. He also grabs a piece of his noose, uses it to grab onto the body, and rides it as the farts propel them both far away from the beach. It’s absolutely absurd...and kind of great. And then the titles play.

Hank wakes up on the short of a different island, or possible a larger land mass, and is overjoyed by the change in scenery. He shouts his name to the world, and credits the body with his rescue. No longer stranded in the Pacific, as far as we know, he tries to use his phone, to no avail. He decides to head out and look for help, grabbing a bag of Cheetos that washed up alongside them, bids the body farewell...and then comes back for it.

Carrying the farting body on his back (and kind of treating him as if he’s alive), he wanders through the forest to find help. He wonders if the gas is the result of decomposition (likely, if excessive), or if its the body’s soul leaving it. Either way, the trudge forward. They settle in a cave for the night, as it rains heavily outside. As Hank is want to do, he hums to himself, and shares more of his personal life with the body, as he sings to it. And yeah, I’ve been linking to these songs, because the soundtrack is genuinely fascinating to me.

Morning comes, and Hank awakes to a raccoon prying at the body, which he subsequently chases for food. In his desperation for food and water, he’s once again about to leave the body in the cave, but notices it leaking copious amounts of water from its mouth, which it had collected from the cave walls overnight. And yes...he drinks it. Which is absolutely disgusting when you think about it, which I now choose NOT to.

In the process, Hank squeezes the body for more water, and air escapes his mouth in such a way that it sounds like it’s speaking a name: Manny (Daniel Radcliffe). From that, Hank gets the body to speak his name and a simple greeting, but grows frustrated from the inability of the body to speak properly. This leads to him being a bit abusive towards him, reminding him unfavorably of his own father. Ooh, character revelations, me like.

Anyway, he apologizes to Manny for treating him that way...and Manny responds. Which FREAKS HANK THE FUCK OUT, understandably, and he punches Manny and flees the cave. As he comes back, Manny is indeed speaking outright, which is either a miracle or Hank just straight-up hallucinating. Either way, Hank asks Manny to try and remember his past life, but all he can get is the vague recollection of the Jurassic Park theme song. But Manny can’t remember the movie itself, which is when Hank says the most correct line ever said in all of film.

You’re goddamn right. Anyway, from, there, Hank tries to teach Manny about the ways of the world, and the nature of life and death. And the resulting conversation is absolutely fuckin’ ridiculous, and I love it all. Through the process, Manny learns about the world, and Hank asks him to help get home.

In the process, Manny inadvertently insults Hank, causing to walk off and once again look for help, only to eat poison berries and throw up for a sec. The two reunite, and their conversation turns to the topic of sex. See, there are some magazines in the cave that they’re in, which prompts some questions about women, sex, and love. To both of their surprise, this conversation causes Manny’s heart to beat! Spurred on, Hank continues, and Manny’s heart appears to reawaken...as does his penis. That’s a link to the soundtrack, I promise.

Hank and Manny both freak out, as his little Manny seems to have a mind (and motility) of its own. But in the ever absurd nature of this movie’s premise, this too has a secondary function: it’s a compass. Yup. And that prompts the next step of their journey, which is full of a conversation about fetishes and masturbation. Yeah, Hank’s surprised about that, too.

This leads to a conversation about his parents, as well as somewhat traumatic parts of his childhood, including his mother’s premature death. This makes Hank upset, and he lashes out at Manny, who briefly returns to being dead until Hank apologizes. As they go on, however, they encounter another denizen of the forest: a bear. This causes the two to fall off a cliff, and causes Hank’s phone to fall out of his pocket and turn on, allowing Manny to see the picture of a girl on his background.

Manny’s enraptured by the picture, and constantly asks to see her again, as Hank continues to struggle for food. The problem is that Hank needs to conserve the power on the phone, but Manny asks if Hank can dress up as the girl in order to help him remember, and bring him back to life to help save them both. He does so reluctantly, but Manny calls him beautiful, to which Hank reacts positively. This not only helps Manny come to life a little more, but also leads Hank to shave to look more convincing for Manny...and possibly for Hank, too.

As these two engage on a fake date and create a fake bus (while Manny listens to a fake self-sung cover of Cotton Eye Joe that I’m putting on my playlist), this is a good time to mention the one thing I know about this movie...maybe. I don’t quite remember where I heard this, but I have heard that this film is possibly a commentary on the transgender experience, or at the very least that Hank is transgender, but hasn’t come to terms with that as of yet. Now, I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I have heard that, and I’m definitely interested to see if that’s the direction this goes. This scene definitely seems to somewhat confirm this theory. Also, I will say (as I have said before when watching The Danish Girl), I’m a straight dude of the cissexual sort, so this is in NO WAY in my wheelhouse, but I still figured I’d mention it.

We’re also at the halfway point now, so this would seem like a good time to pause for Part 2! See you there!

[lombredanslaeu]

hourglass | lee jeno

▸angst, fluff i guess??

▸ summary: sometimes, love just ain’t enough.

▸ WARNING: eating disorder, depression, body dysmorphia, starvation. if any of the above triggers you or if you are not comfortable, please refrain from reading the story. 

All your life, you never really cared about your weight. As an engineering student and a part-time musical theatre actor, you never had the reason to be conscious of your body. Engineering required only your brain; no one cared what you wore or what you looked like in class. Musical theatre didn’t have as much standards for appearance than it does with vocals. Your body wasn’t that bad anyway. You were considered skinny by some and many grew envy about how you could eat so much and not gain a pound immediately. However, your perception of your body changed the day you started dating Lee Jeno.

You met Jeno when his company’s CEO decided to treat its artists with tickets to a Wicked show. You got the greatest opportunity of playing Elphaba; with your impeccable vocal talent, it wasn’t an effort to grace the stage and awe the audience. Your production always valued you not only because of your talent, but also because of your warm personality. You first made eye contact with Jeno when his company’s CEO took them backstage to meet the cast after the show. You had time to talk for a while as the CEO became deep in dialogue with the show’s director. It was Taeil who first initiated a conversation with you as the others, especially the youngsters, were too shy to start a conversation with anyone. As everyone warmed up with the other casts, you never failed to notice how Jeno was love-struck with you.

“Wow, your voice is defying the laws of gravity,” another member, Johnny, said to you.

You blushed and shook off the compliment. “Thank you so much. That meant so much to me.”

Everyone scurried off to different areas on the backstage. You were caught off-guard when one of the younger members, Jeno, talked beside you.

“How long have you been performing?” He asked.

“Only just for a year. I wasn’t planning on making this long-term. I only wanted to play a few shows here and there.” You explained. “but, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity of being Elphaba.”

“That was one of the greatest performance I’ve seen in so long.” He said. “I actually really enjoy musical theatre.”

“Really?” You asked, shocked by his confession. “What’s your favorite musical?”

“It used to be Cats,” He said, smiling shyly. “But I think know it’s Wicked.”

“Oh please,” You chuckled. “Cats is a really good show.”

He looked at you, laughing shyly. “Do you like frozen yogurt?”

“I like frozen yogurt,” You smiled.

It wasn’t long before you found yourself going on secret dates with the heartthrob. You would bond over coffee, books, and broadway musicals. You never knew he liked musicals. There would days where he would help you practice songs for your next show and you would watch him practice a choreography for a comeback. You both found the one thing that kept you closer and closer: the love for performing.

“Seeing the happy faces of my fans is one thing,” He started, staring off into the night. “But the look on my parents’ as they say how proud they are of me, is what keeps me going.”

You stared at his side profile and swallowed a lump in your throat. “They have every reason to be proud of you.”

He turned his head to meet your eyes. His eyes lingered on yours for a while before looking down at your lips. You blushed at the feeling he had over you.

“You’re really pretty.” He started. The statement took you by surprise. Not a lot of people tell you that you’re pretty but, if it comes from Jeno, any other doesn’t matter anymore.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” You chuckled. You’re not lying. Jeno has the looks that could make anyone wrapped around his fingers. “I feel like I don’t deserve to be under your gaze.”

“Of course you deserve to be looked at.” He said, more seriously this time. “I could build a gallery of you but that would give me more competitors so, I won’t do that.”

“Jeno, if you wanna kiss me, just do it.” You said. You wanted to punch yourself for what you just said. Normally, you would freak out and leave from embarrassment. But now, you held your gaze stronger. You had no idea where the courage came from.

And he did. He kissed you like you were the only thing that mattered. It didn’t end there. Later that night, he showed you how beautiful you are.

Sometimes, he would sneak out, with a member or two, to watch one of your shows. He would stare in awe at how people give you their applause. As the spotlight shine down on you, it was like he was seeing a goddess grace everyone with her beauty.

“Dude, if you don’t ask her out, I’m really gonna do it,” His friend, Jaemin, announced beside him.

“I already beat you into it, punk.” He responded boastfully. The shocked look on his friend’s face made him laugh.

Your peaceful relationship was cut short when his boss found out about the thing going on between you two. To say you were shocked by his calm and accepting nature would be an understatement. His company approved of your relationship. It was like the stars have aligned just for the both of you. The news broke out and spread like wildfire on the internet that night. You were too busy rejoicing with your lover that you failed to notice the threats and harsh comments of furious fans until the next morning.

You were supposed to wake up with the bird chirping and the sun shining just for you. However, you found yourself with an unfamiliar feeling in your gut. It was as if you were scared to do anything and go outside. You knew how ugly criticism from fans could be. You understood that many would not approve of your relationship but you accepted that. His company accepted the relationship and his future in NCT is not affected. At the end of the day, the comments would just float around the internet and disappear before you know it.

“You can block off the comments, you know,” He said.

“Yeah, but I think criticism can always help me improve,” You said. You didn’t want him to hate his fans.

“Those aren’t criticisms, Y/N” He replied. “Those are bashful comments.”

“It’s okay, Jeno.” You smiled, pecking his lips. “I can manage.”

 --

Outfits are an important part in musical theatre. They distinguish which character is which, even if the actor is an understudy. You were casted as Regina George in the musical remake of the hit movie, Mean Girls. The director and costume head requested you wear a crop top and skirt for the role and you said yes; after all, you liked really girly outfits. You were looking over your closet and picked out items that might fit the role. You tried on an outfit that you think was a good combination. You looked at yourself in the mirror and felt a slight wave of worry come across your chest. Jeno’s fans might see your show. What would they think if they saw your body was no match to any female idol that Jeno has interacted with? You walked over to your phone and searched up healthy diets for a good figure.

 --

Jeno had a day off and he wanted to see you practice your songs. You both sat at the couch of your small apartment with lyrics sheet in front of you.

“I wanna have pizza for lunch. What kind do you want?” He asked, fishing his phone out of his pocket to order.

“Oh nothing, I’m kinda watching my figure.” You said, looking down to avoid his eyes. You’re still not comfortable in telling people about your diet, especially to Jeno.

“Are you sure? You can burn those off in work outs anyway.” he said, concern washing over his eyes. It worried him that you weren’t eating. Food was one of the things you both bonded over. You had a fancy palette. He thought it was best to trust in you for now.

“I promise. Olivia makes very good hearty meals. I will eat dinner later.” You said.

With so much going on between theatre and your college life, there is only so much you could do in your free time. Working out would take so much of time and with deadlines as the semester is ending, you couldn’t find any time for it. So, you resulted in skipping meals. You only had two more weeks until the Mean Girls show. You just had to make sure your stomach was flat till the end of the production.

“Do you think my cheeks are too full?” You said to Jeno, squishing your face in front of the mirror.

“I think they suit you.” He said before pinching your cheeks. “It’s also really fun to squish.”

“Ouch,” You chuckled before playfully slapping his wrists away.

“You don’t have to worry about them.” He said, wrapping his arms around you. “They make you who you are.”

“That’s very cheesy, babe,” You said while chuckling.

“Y/N, you don’t have to change because other people wants you to.” He replied, more serious this time. “I’ll make sure you believe that you’re the prettiest girl that I’ve ever seen.”

 --

You were stuck with a question on your Physics quiz. You hadn’t eaten anything since you woke up. While you were standing in front of your mirror, you liked how flat your stomach was. The first show happens tomorrow night and you planned on keeping your body that way until then. The lack of food in your system resulted in your brain not working well. You spent many sleepless nights studying for Physics. Usually, you would have solved this problem in under 5 minutes but right now, you only had a minute left in your quiz and you just can’t seem to figure out what to do. On top of that, you were feeling very light-headed. The ding of your professor’s alarm struck a sharp pain from your ears to your head. You winced as you struggled to stand up. Your seatmate looked over to you, checking if you were okay but you smiled it off. You also regretted telling Jeno about your stupid diet because all he did was bug you if you ate already.

jenobear [11:34 am]: babeee, did u eat already??

jenobear [11:34 am]: oops i forgot u have ur quiz. good luck, love <333

jenobear [11:35 am]: make sure u eat, ok?? I love you.

You sighed and typed out an answer. You said you already ate. You hated lying to him but him being overseas made it easier for you somehow. The night of the show came at last. You sat backstage as Olivia helped you with your hair.

“You look pale. Are you okay?” She asked, concerned.

“Yeah, just a bit light-headed.” You replied. “It’s not like I haven’t performed with a headache before.”

“Okay, sure,” She sighed. She knew you too well. You didn’t like to be bugged with questions, especially if you’re preparing for a show. “Wanna eat at that new wings place? Heard it’s really good.”

“Sure, I could need some wings after the show.” You replied. All you needed was to be in shape for a few hours.

The crowd roared their applause as you, and the other casts, bowed as the show reached its end. You felt a migraine creep up your head and you knew its because you haven’t consumed as much food as you needed to lately. It also felt weird that it made you a bit nauseous when your eyes met the spotlight. You were glad bottles of water is all around the backstage. You picked up your phone and smiled to see messages from Jeno and the other members as well.

jenobear [9:30 pm]: never not proud of you. congrats on your show, love. <3

Lee Haechan [9:45 pm]: Y/N!!! Congrats on your show. I’m sure it’s amazing!

Kim Doyoung [9:50 pm]: Sorry I wasn’t able to go, Y/N. I’m sure you did great tonight, Regina George :)

You smiled and thanked them. You decided you wanted to call Jeno but a notification from a social media site distracted you. One of Jeno’s fans came to see the show and posted pictures of you with the caption “Y/N is very talented! I hope to see more of her shows soon~~” You blushed at the compliment. You know you shouldn’t have but you looked at the replies under the post. Your heart fluttered at the sweet compliments. You thought maybe dating an idol isn’t so bad after all. Over the sea of praise come a harsh comment that caught your eye. “I’m sure her vocals are amazing but she should work on her body.” , “Regina George wouldn’t have a match stick figure.” , “she’s kinda bloated. If only she worked on her love handles, I would like her.” You felt a sickly feeling to your stomach. You took each and every word to heart. You scrolled back up to look at the picture the original poster took. You zoomed in on your body and saw what they were talking about. The girls who played Gretchen and Karen, your character’s fellow mean girls, had Barbie doll bodies. Their curves hit at the right places and they had slim legs. You knew that you shouldn’t let this affect you. You have talent, you have personality. But, you also wanted Jeno’s fans to like you. That led you to texting Olivia to cancel your chicken wings plan.

 --

You prepped yourself to see Jeno again after 2 months. He had schedule after schedule and his team went overseas for at least 2 weeks. You limit your diet to soy milk and water. You looked at yourself in the mirror and you could see the changes. Jeno would definitely notice as well but, you liked how you looked. Your jawline was prominent, your waist was thinner, and even your legs got slimmer. It wasn’t easy slipping out of Olivia’s invites for take out and dinner but you managed, somehow. You started to notice how concerned she got each day, especially this morning.

“I grabbed you breakfast, it’s an omurice.” she said, with a warm smile.

“I can’t eat rice, I’m watching my weight.” You said, slurping down the soy milk.

“Since when did you care about your weight?” She asked.

“Since I realized that my body wasn’t in the right shape.” You made sure none of the words came out as bitter or else, she will suspect something was wrong. She didn’t stop bugging you and it started to make you cranky so you just gave in. After consuming the omurice, you couldn’t deny that you felt better. But the guilt started kicking in and the next thing you know, you’re sticking two fingers down your throat in an attempt to vomit what you just consumed. You stared at the mess on the sink and that’s when you knew something was wrong.

 --

“I missed you so much,” Jeno said, as he held you close to his body.

“How are you, my favorite boy?” You stared lovingly to his eyes.

“A bit tired,” He said, taking off his cap and fixing his hair. “But I slept the whole flight.”

“Do you want to just chill here?” You asked. Everyone in the door went to see a movie with the older members. Jeno and Jisung chose to stay behind since they had plans. He snuggled closer to your body. He noticed how your body didn’t feel familiar. He could definitely tell that you were losing weight.

“I am a bit hungry though,” He responded. He wanted to see you eat. It worried him to the core about thin you were looking lately. It wasn’t obvious when you two would FaceTime but it was more apparent in person. He felt you shift slightly at his response. He spoke before you could. “Have you been trying to lose weight?”

“I just wanted to be more fit.” You said, your heart beating faster each time you lie. “I’m working out.”

As someone who works out to maintain his body, Jeno knew well that your body wasn’t a result of working out. But as someone who cares about their appearance, Jeno also knew that he shouldn’t jump into major conclusions yet. He knew how horrible the talk about weight is and he didn’t want to put you through it. Besides, he knew you and he knows that you wouldn’t lie to him.

You felt conflicted as you noticed that Jeno was becoming concerned about how thin you got. To make him believe that you were well, you agreed in eating take-out with him for lunch. You know what to do after, anyway. As you wait for him to finish showering, you decided to check your social media accounts. You tapped on instagram to replied to a comment Olivia wrote on your new post. You laughed silently at how your friends gave funny compliments. Your eyes browsed through the comment sections. Normally, it would be filled with comments about your face, body, and how you didn’t deserve Jeno. This time, it was filled with compliments about how great you look. “I wish I had her body :(“, “Body goals oh my god”, “SKINNY LEGEND QUEEN”. You felt your cheeks blush at the compliments. You realized that the thinner you got, the more you got full of praise. You intend to keep it that way.

 --

Jeno scrolled through his twitter feed and saw an article from a k-pop news page. It was an article about your drastic weight loss. He looked at the pictures included in the article. There were pictures of you from months ago with your old body. Jeno reminisced the first time you met. You looked healthy and happy. You didn’t have the curviest figure, but you were healthy. Following the old pictures were recent pictures of you, both from your recent social media posts and pictures from fans during your latest theatre shows. Your ribs were more prominent and it created a tidal wave of concern to wash over Jeno. He didn’t realize how much he missed the old you. The one who was never scared to try different food. Now, it was like every time he asked you to eat with him, you always refuse. But, he was too kind to base a fight over your appearance.

 --

You sat across the couch with Olivia. You two decided to watch the latest season of The Office.

“Wait, let me use the bathroom for a while” She announced. While she did her business, a phone on the coffee table in front of you lit up. Your phone was laid beside hers so you looked over to see it was her phone that had the notification. What you didn’t expect was who sent her the message.

You have one new message from Lee Jeno.

You didn’t know what to think. It would be immature of you to accuse them of being unfaithful when you don’t know what the message contained. But why would she text him? Why would he text her? As in on cue, Olivia came back from the bathroom.

“Uhm, Liv” You started. “Why are you texting Jeno?”

She stared at you. She knew what you would think but she promised Jeno she wouldn’t tell you about what they were talking about.

“Oh, you know what?” You said suddenly. “It doesn’t matter. You two can be friends and I trust both of you.” You tried so hard not to sound jealous because you weren’t. Olivia is like a sister to you.

You knew well that she wouldn’t betray you like that. She smiled slightly and offered you the popcorn. You shook your head and she snapped.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Y/N” She said. You were caught off guard by her outburst. “You wanna know why I’m texting Jeno?”

You gulped, maybe you don’t want to know why. You changed so much of yourself to please him, his fans, and his management. If they betrayed you like this, you wouldn’t know what to do.

“You’re starving yourself, haven’t you?” She asked, her eyes burning holes into your skull.

“I-I’m not…” You stuttered. You thought you were good at lying but apparently, you’re not.

“Really?” She said. “Ever since you started dating Jeno, all you cared about was your weight. We don’t eat out anymore. We don’t cook anymore. What bothered you? Is it him? Is it the fans?”

You know you could never blame anyone, but yourself. It wasn’t their fault you turned out this way. It was one thing to hear about your weight loss from concerned fans, but it was another when it’s coming out of your best friend’s mouth. You didn’t realize that tears were falling out. The moment Olivia wrapped her arms around you, everything collapsed. All the pressure, the frustration that built up inside of you for so long. The urge of wanting to eat, to feel what it was like to taste again. The anger you felt for yourself for letting it become this bad. It all collapsed and fell from your eyes.

 --

“Here, there isn’t a lot of sugar in that,” Jeno offered you some cookies. You decided to visit him in the recording studio. You were doing so well. You decided to enrol yourself in a support group, as well, and you’ve never missed a single meeting. But you knew you were only forcing it. You saw Olivia and Jeno cry over your situation. It was unfair that you bring them into your mess. Maybe if you say you’re fine loud enough, you’ll believe it.

“I’m proud of you.” His eyes sparkled as he said those word to you.

“I love you.” You responded, before leaning in for his lips.

It took everything in Jeno to let you know how much he loves you. By the way his lips merge with yours and how his hands worshiped every crevice of your body. Each touch symbolizes that you are the most beautiful person he had ever laid his eyes on. You knew that; but, you wish you could believe it. With every praise that heat your cheeks, comes a wave of hate that consumes it all. Will a beautiful body make it all better for you?  

You hurried to your bathroom the second you got home. Olivia was out to her boyfriend’s night, leaving you alone with your habits. As your fingers hit the spot on your throat, you felt the hot bile rise from your stomach. It burned and left a sour taste to the back of your mouth; and you loved it. You missed the sensation of your stomach being empty. You never knew how much you liked the feeling of being empty until you felt it again.

 --

“Am I not enough for you” Jeno spoke, his eyes attached to his hands that are clasped in front of him.

“What are you saying, babe?” You asked. You tried to see where this was going. You made you sure every lie that came out of your mouth was believable; why is he saying those things?

“I try so hard to make sure everything I do for you is enough,” He said. It was obvious in his demeanor that he was tired. “I worry about you all the time. The members try so hard to cover up for me every time I needed to tend to you.”

You chuckled, “So what is this? You’re telling me I’m a pity party?”

“No,” He shook his head, not believing the attitude you’re giving him. Frustration was starting to let itself be known on his features. “What else could you possibly want? I give you love, I give you space. I get tired as well, you know.”

That’s when it dawned on you. Love is not enough. Love won’t come magically and heal everything. Jeno could give you all the love in the world but it won’t be the remedy. Love doesn’t fix everything. You can’t just go up to a broken person and expect romance would suddenly want them to dance on their grave. It doesn’t work that way. You never had the courage to tell him that. In retrospect, you wish you had it in you to say it.

“You’re enough for me, Jeno.” You said quitely. You didn’t know what else to say. All this time, you never blamed him. But here he is now, throwing it all back at you. You still won’t blame him though, he doesn’t know what it feels like; you’re glad he doesn’t know how it feels like.

“I don’t know how to help you if you can’t help yourself.” He said, sighing as if he has given up. Maybe he has given up. The people who left you before has taught you to swallow every plead to make them stay. That’s the only think you could stomach to swallow right now - the words to make him fight a little longer. You didn’t know how much long it would be for you to be okay, or if you could actually be okay. But, you knew better than to run after others when you can’t even stand for yourself. Some nights, you feel yourself drown in cold sweat. Your body felt like it could give up on you any minute. You laid still and wait; but it never came. You wondered how much longer.

Jeno has a bright future ahead of him. The news of him being single again gave him new schedules that would give him exposure to different opportunities. He didn’t regret leaving. He still occasionally see your musical shows just to check how you are. You will never know this but he hopes it’s always sunny wherever you are.

a/n: i hope you liked this. this hit close to home. i would like to remind you that if you are experiencing symptoms of any mental illness, please check with a professional. mental health is a topic that i hold deeply in my heart since i have experience from mental illnesses. i would also like to remind everyone to always be kind to others - whether it would be our friends, people we don’t like, and even idols. let’s not contribute to anything that could affect them negatively. as always, feedback and requests are always appreciated. love u all <33

[birdeedee]

Andromeda Six Actor!AU - Background Info

*Slams fist on table* Nobody asked for this but hERE WE GO (under the read more because I got carried away)

Cal: Was originally a model before he got into acting. Started off mostly with photo shoots and print photography before he blew up after he landed a job with a particularly big brand that used his face everywhere. He decided to branch out into acting as a hobbie (*cough* his agent told him to *cough*) and took an Intro to Acting for the Camera class - where he met Aya. Him and Aya have known each other the longest out of the entire A6 cast.

Aya: Started off on broadway (because of course she did) right out of high school. She wasn’t much of a singer and stuck to more dance heavy roles and shows (think shows like Cats, where you don’t watch for the plot, you watch for the amazing performers). After a few years of doing on and off broadway shows, she decided she wanted a change of pace, but she knew she wanted to pursue acting still. So she signed up for the first Acting for the Camera class she could find, because she knows stage acting and camera acting are very different, and the first person she pesters is the grumpy hot guy brooding in the corner (they become instant best friends- from Aya’s point of view).

Damon: Absolute heartthrob, I’m telling you. He’s always been extremely charismatic and he knows it. He landed his first acting job when he had just gotten out of highschool, a CW like show that lasted a few years before it got canceled. The role got the ball rolling on his career, and with a few appearances in small films and tv shows, he solidified his image as the “charismatic bad boy” (which is to say he definitely had a casting type). He’s absolutely done a few photo shoots with Cal, but the two never really got to know each other that well besides work related stuff.

June: Has been in the public eye the longest out of all the cast members. He started out as a Canadian country artist (i will die on this hill. you cannot convince me he was not) but it took him a while to gain traction in the industry. He had a small following for a good few years before one of his songs got extremely popular- but only really in Canada. He always had loved acting, he performed in all his local small town productions when he was growing up (June is from the praries, fight me) and so he decided to give acting a go. He’s starred in a few Life Time movies, the cheesier the better, but still was only popular in Canada. Until he landed the role in A6, that is.

Bash: Always thought he was going to go into a STEM field of some kind, it was always what interested him from the get go. But he was also known as the class clown where ever he went, and he was extremely charismatic. Whether he used that charisma for good or not, who knows. As his interest in science, engineering specifically, grew so did his love for comedy and stand up. He would watch old stand up shows and analyze them for what exactly made a joke a good joke (bash is a closet nerd!! He is the epitome of jock-nerd and that is final!!) and he realized that so many comedians went into acting, which led him to go down many, many rabbit holes. He still went to uni for a bit, as it didn’t quite register in his head that he could actually pursue acting and comedy as a career. He took training here and there because he loved it so much, but it wasn’t until after university that he really started to view it as a career option.

Ryona: Loved, loved, loved acting when she was growing up. She begged her parents to let her audition for local productions and would always try out for her school plays. But as she got older her passion for acting slowly dwindled and was replaced by the passion for helping people, aided by the fact that her parents were both doctors. She ended up going to nursing school, and in her first year she found out her uni had some extra courses, one of which was an acting course. She took it thinking nothing of it at the time but once she got a taste for it she realized that, as much as she loved helping people, acting was something she really, really loved as well and absolutely wanted to pursue it. She and Bash dated briefly when they both went to uni, but it ended on a good note and they’re still friends!

Vexx: Was a child star, something a kin to the Olsen twins. He was too young to remember most of it, but the public loved him. He was adorable as a baby and because of that he was in everything. But as he got older and his parents allowed him to make his own decisions he decided to stop acting all together and live a normal life. He stopped appearing in anything around his early teens, so he got to finish his high school career without any major public scandals. He got a degree in English literature but once he graduated he found himself wanted to revisit his acting career, and he’s determined to breakout of his child star image.

MC: Besides the fact that they come from a very big actor family, they’re a complete nobody in the business, they don’t have any major titles under their belt and A6 is the first show they’ve worked on as a lead. Previously, the biggest role they’ve had has been actor roles, but they’ve mostly just done background work. When they landed the role for A6 it was a major shocker because most of they’re family is so well known in the business that the public didn’t even know they existed (because anybody who is worth knowing about would have already made themselves known, right?)

I might revisit these later on and tweak them, but they’ve been stuck in my head for so long I might as well share them.

[glassprism]

Hope you're doing well during lockdown,I was wondering if you had any 'petty' opinions? Like something that others would find insignificant that just ruins something Phantom related? (I swear I'm not an arsehole) but I find the 25th difficult to watch because Sierra breaths in really loudly (probably more the mics than her) before every other line and I can't focus. Also no sleeves on star princess dress how dare they.

Heh, I feel you about that lack of puffed sleeves. Without it, Christine’s arms just look so bare, it feels weird. Anyway... with regards to Sierra Boggess’s breathing, I do have a sort of petty opinion about that, but with Ramin Karimloo. After a while, I noticed that he takes these giant, lungfuls of breath, and once I noticed it I could never un-hear it, to the point where it kind of ruined his Phantom for me, because I’m constantly on edge when I listen to him, waiting for him to take that giant, hissing gulp of air.

I think it’s pretty hard for something or someone to completely ruin Phantom, or something Phantom-related for me, and if it does, it’s probably not petty; e.g. I do not care for, say, Love Never Dies or, uh, Phantom of Manhattan, but that’s because I hate almost everything about their plot, or characterization, or basic events that happen (Phantom of Manhattan in particular is just a series of Bad Things building and building until I wanted to hurl the book away), and I don’t think that’s really petty. Or I hope it isn’t. And for actors, they have to be pretty bad at singing and/or acting to fall low on my favorites list. Or maybe they’re just boring but have a good attendance record, as I’ve discussed before.

Oh, I know a petty opinion - sometimes other fan’ behavior will, not ruin, but will make me sick of a certain actor, even if I didn’t care about them or even liked their performances. It happened in a big way with Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess, where it seemed like everyone thought they were the bee’s knees; with Sierra Boggess, it became particularly aggravating when the Broadway production’s Facebook page joined in on it.

(Oh, I still remember this gifset of Ramin Karimloo’s ‘Stranger Than You Dreamt It’, and someone commenting to the effect of, “Look how good he is! He crawls towards Christine! So emotional!” only for every phan who’s seen the stage production once to say, “All the Phantoms do that. He’s not unique. That’s part of the the blocking.”)

Some of the more hardcore Ben Lewis fans also did that, where it seemed like they didn’t like any criticism of him, or wanted to start petitioning the show to release a cast recording or proshot of him (yeah, not happening). Lately, some of the weirder Jonathan Roxmouth fans are doing it to me too, the ones who, I dunno, go comment vaguely (or sometimes overtly) sexual things to him or about him. That one made me sad, because I remember back in the day I and other fans were like, “JRox is super underrated, he needs to get more fans”, but now I’m like, “You know, maybe being underrated is better. Maybe less fans is better.” And it sucks, because none of it is the actors’ fault, but it begins to build bad associations in my head, until it feels like I can’t remember anything good about their performance, just all the drama associated with them.

And one more petty opinion - sometimes I’ll read an interview with an actor and their opinions about the show or their character will drive me nuts. It won’t make me dislike their performance, but I’ll often have it in the back of my head where it’ll affect my viewing of them. This happened with, oh geez, Paul A. Schaefer (who understudies both the Phantom and Raoul and, when asked which he preferred, apparently said something to the effect of, “Why would I like playing Raoul? He’s an arrogant jerk who used Christine for bait”, which, sir, please take notes from Davis Gaines, please and thank you) (and also ironic, as I’ve heard Schaefer’s Raoul is better than his Phantom?), or Uwe Kroger (who I’m pretty sure based his interpretation off Gerard Butler’s, which my dude, no), or heck, Mark Seibert in Elisabeth (worst interpretation of Death ever).

[invisibleicewands]

Michael Sheen (old) interview

He’s played the prime minister and the messiah – now Michael Sheen is plumbing the psyche of the original man in black. Caroline McGinn asks him about the dark side.                                                                                  

It’s been a big year for Michael Sheen. A lifechanger, in fact. The   42-year-old actor is widely admired for his uncanny ability to play   real-life characters: a Bambi-ish Tony Blair in a trilogy of films that   included ‘The Queen’; David Frost for Peter Morgan’s play-turned-movie   ‘Frost/Nixon’; and most recently, a demon-ridden Brian Clough in ‘The   Damned United’. But no previous role has come close to the Christ-like   leader Sheen played in ‘The Passion’ in his South Wales home town this   Easter: an epic 72-hour piece of community theatre which ended in Sheen being crucified on a local roundabout.

‘The Passion’, a local take on the Gospel commissioned by the storming new National Theatre of Wales, was more than just a play. It was a collective story that Sheen probably couldn’t have told anywhere but in Port Talbot, a town divided by the roaring M4 and dominated by a giant steelworks that was once the largest employer in Wales; a place where churchgoing and storytelling are still alive. It’s also his parents’ home. Sheen was so moved that talking about it makes him choke up. ‘I did this seven-mile procession with the cross,’ he recalls, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. ‘It was boiling hot. There were 12,000-15,000 people. And I was seeing these bare-chested tattooed blokes standing outside pubs with pints, with kids, with tears in their eyes going, “Go on, Michael, you can do it!” It’s quite rare to be in the middle of an experience knowing it is probably the most meaningful one I will ever have in my life. Something in me relaxed after that, I think. I could say, “If I died tomorrow, I did that.”’

Over a glass of red wine in the bar at the Young Vic, where he is about to play Hamlet, Sheen does seem completely relaxed: eager, open and very Welsh, with his squiggle of dark brown hair and his neat, expressive hands. He has a shapeshifter’s face: mobile, not memorable, too blurry and mercurial for a romantic lead. And it is a pleasure to hear his real voice: un-damned by Clough’s nasal, northern scorn or Blair’s prim inflections, it is a gloriously unstoppable lilting flow which seems, to my English ears, to come straight from the Valleys.

Sheen currently lives in LA to be close to his 12-year-old daughter with ex-partner Kate Beckinsale. He is an unlikely denizen of La La Land, with his bike helmet, his puppyish friendliness and his lack of pretensions. His spectacular return to his roots at Easter has, he says, redefined who he thinks he is, and what he wants to do with his work: something which he expresses in probably the longest sentence I’ve ever heard anyone deliver. ‘“The Passion” did for me what I hoped it could do for everyone in the town, potentially, which is to experience your life and your home in a different way, because I think there is a tendency – and I have it, and I notice other people have it too, probably everyone has it but certainly people who come from quite challenged areas – there’s a sense that your life is of no interest, that your story is mundane and there is no, for want of a better word, numinosity, no transcendence, and so to be able to tell a story about the biggest things there can probably be, a version of the “greatest story ever told” in the town that is seen to be the least likely town for that to happen in, then the people in that town, every time they go around that roundabout, which is many times, can go, “Not only is that where I get fish and chips, it’s also where the crucifixion happened,” and the everyday becomes transcendent – to something that is miraculous.’

Thanks to Sheen’s great-grandfather, street preaching runs in the family. But the starry-eyed idealism behind doing a passion play in Port Talbot, to reach thousands of people who would never set foot in a theatre, might easily have backfired. It was an unglamorous risk for a local bloke-turned-Hollywood big shot to take. You can’t imagine the area’s other famous filmmaking sons, ultra-cool customer Antony Hopkins or hard-living Richard Burton, pulling it off – though Burton did enjoy making a splash on the local beach with Liz Taylor and his private helicopter. ‘The Passion’ was supposed to shine a light on the miracle workers who do what Sheen calls the ‘unseemly’ work of care: for the old, the sick, the battered wives and the young offenders. For it to work, its makers had to gain the trust of the town.

‘After the Last Supper, when the Manics played, I was put on trial on the back of a truck and the crowd took over,’ he says. ‘It was at that moment I realised they understood it was their story. It was frightening and exhilarating. We didn’t know what was going to happen. Along the procession route people put photos of things they’d lost. Then, on the cross, I did a litany. Of things I remembered, or that I’d gathered from people, of people and places that don’t exist any more.’ It was Sheen’s epic personal connection to South Wales, where his dad once worked as a Jack Nicholson impersonator, and where his great-grandfather got rich when God told him to buy a tin mine. Sheen’s codirector Bill Mitchell and writer Owen Sheers spent a year getting stories from locals, and fed them into the piece. ‘I was just a participant: we all were,’ he says. ‘My mum and dad said a woman came to their house and told them I’d called her mother’s name when I was on the cross, and it had changed something for her. The need that drama first came from was community, witness, celebration and catharsis. We were trying to find a way for that to happen on a large scale.’

The Port Talbot ‘Passion’ has already gone down in theatre history. So where do you go after scaling the twin messianic peaks of Blair and Christ? Down into the doubt-ridden depths of Hamlet, naturally, the biggest role that a young (or young-ish in this case) actor can play. Judging by Sheen’s wordflow, those famous soliloquies won’t be a problem. After all, the actor made his name on stage: he won his first professional role at the Globe opposite Vanessa Redgrave in 1991 before he had graduated from Rada.

His CV is full of monster roles: Caligula, Peer Gynt, Amadeus (playing  Mozart was his break into Broadway in 1999). Clough, and even Blair and  Frost, creep into that list – though he’s obviously bored of talking  about the factional film roles that made him famous: ‘I’ve done  relatively few characters based on real people,’ he protests, just a  little bit too much. ‘I’ve been working on stage now for more years than  I care to mention.’

‘Project Hamlet’ has been on the cards for a while, but Sheen was waiting ‘for the right director and the right theatre’. Unlike recent celebrity Hamlets David Tennant and Jude Law, he didn’t want to do conventional West End Shakespeare, hence the Young Vic, with its younger, mixed audience and its imaginative approach, which includes – mysteriously – reconfiguring the playing space so that ‘Hamlet’ audiences must arrive 30 minutes early to take a ‘different route’ in. Sheen’s director of choice is Ian Rickson, the ex-Royal Court boss who has helped actors achieve career-defining roles (Kristin Scott-Thomas in ‘The Seagull’; Mark Rylance in ‘Jerusalem’). Hamlet tends to demand something very personal from actors: one reason why so many of them crack up over it, though Sheen seems remarkably unfurrowed by the prospect. ‘It is,’ he says, ‘good not to have to worry about people saying, “He doesn’t sound like Hamlet.” It’s me: I’m not doing a voice or playing a character, so to speak. It’ll sound like me and look like me, a bit of Welsh mixed with a bit of posh.’

Sheen sees ‘Hamlet’ as ‘like a portal. Or a living organism in some way. Other Shakespeare plays don’t have that quality of seeming to change. “Hamlet” works on you and sucks up everything you have. It’s a bit like looking into the abyss. What “Hamlet” makes everyone confront are all the things that are most frightening: irrationality, betrayal, madness and abandonment. It is very, very dark, and it dances along through that darkness.’

Sheen’s prince promises to be darker than most. Not just a mad Hamlet, but maybe even a bad Hamlet. ‘Me and Ian have taken a completely different approach,’ he explains. ‘The most interesting way to approach it is not to trust anything that Hamlet says, to assume that he’s an unreliable narrator. And once you do that, you realise how many assumptions there are about the play.’ Sheen cites Philip K Dick, David Lynch and Edgar Allan Poe as influences. The production will be set in a world ‘that feels as if we’re in some sort of institution’. Madness will be the keynote: ‘I discovered when working on it,’ says Sheen, ‘that it’s the first time anyone used the phrase “the mind’s eye”.’ Horatio says, “A mote it is, to trouble the mind’s eye.” Meaning a piece of grit. It sums up what I think the play is. It’s a bit of grit in the mind’s eye of the Western world. We’ve tried to expel it, by smoothing out its inconsistencies and by stopping it from being irritating. That’s a way to neutralise it and make it safer. But actually it’s the most dangerous of plays.’

Rickson and Sheen have found unorthodox inspiration in anti-psychiatrist RD Laing and G Wilson Knight, the twentieth century scholar who wrote an off-beam but brilliant essay on Hamlet, the ‘ambassador of death’ in the land of the living. ‘Laing said that if you take mad people on their own terms then maybe they’re just talking in a sort of heightened language about their lived experience,’ says Sheen. ‘And our take on “Hamlet” definitely questions the boundaries of what you would consider madness to be.’

So where do you go as an actor, after the heights of being crucified, and the depths of Hamlet’s psyche? ‘The answer to that is that I just don’t know,’ says Sheen. There are a couple of projects: Sheen says he was ‘roped in’ on a set visit to a new untitled film by cinema’s man of mystery, Terrence Malick, starring Sheen’s girlfriend and ‘Midnight in Paris’ co-star Rachel McAdams. And there’s also Wales-set thriller ‘Resistance’, out this month. But he has his heart set on directing a film about Edgar Allan Poe. ‘He was an extraordinary character. Very dark.’ The legacy of this life-changing year is a sharper, stronger passion for a live Welsh tradition: storytelling. ‘I just don’t know where you go after “The Passion” and “Hamlet”,’ says Sheen ‘But I do know that I want to tell stories that are powerful, that can reach people and equate to Greek theatre now. People still do need that. They respond to it. But you have to take risks to find them.’

(x)

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 8 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Guess what? We’re posting this today instead of tomorrow because we just love you guys so much, and your comments made us very productive today! Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: A wild night in the club led to a miserable, hangover-fueled day for Violet--and then a frustrating week, as Fame rejected all of the assistant candidates.

This Chapter: In a last-ditch effort to find a new assistant for Fame, Violet gives Courtney a shot.

***

Never in Courtney’s life had she seen a room as white, spotless and intimidating as Galactica’s reception area. She sat on the pristine sofa, hands folded in her lap, anxiety gnawing at her stomach. She’d been sending out resumes for almost 2 months, ever since she’d gotten to New York, in a desperate attempt to find a job--any job--that would allow her to stay in the United States.

This was only her second interview so far, the first one being a disaster - she’d missed her train connection and arrived late and sweaty from running ten blocks, and then the hiring manager had spent the entire time talking straight to her chest, patting her on the ass as she left while telling her that she was unqualified.

Of course she was unqualified.

Courtney was a 21-year-old who’d just graduated a few months earlier with a philosophy degree and zero office experience. Her current under-the-table job, waitressing at an Aussie-themed steakhouse in Times Square, was not going to keep her in the country. (Although she was grateful to her friend Morgan for hooking her up with it, since she’d be flat broke otherwise.)

Courtney had to stay in the country if there was any hope of her real dream coming true, which was to become a professional singer and songwriter, and maybe even a Broadway actress, if she was lucky. If she could ever get so much as an audition, which had also not happened yet. The best she’d done so far was sometimes singing with Adore’s band, but punk rock wasn’t really her style, and though she was grateful to her bestie for giving her a shot, it always felt awkward and wrong.

While she waited to be called for her interview, she prayed with all her heart; she wasn’t sure she believed in god, but it couldn’t hurt, right?

She prayed that her connection to Adore would mean something here. That Violet would remember her. That Miss Fame would like her. That the hours she’d spent carefully putting together her current outfit, getting her roots touched up and press-on nails to cover her real ones (bitten down to the quick) wouldn’t all be a waste.

Courtney heard the sound of heels coming down the hall, and then Violet appeared from around the corner. Courtney felt relief washing over her, happy to see the beautiful girl she had instantly bonded with the other night.

It was actually amazing that Violet had come through for her, making sure that her application had made it to Fame herself. Courtney smiled brightly.

“Good morning, babes!”

Violet gave her a cursory smile back, quickly checking her watch. “It’s almost noon.”

“Oh, yeah,” Courtney swallowed, feeling like an idiot as Violet looked her up and down like a zoo animal. “I was just making conversa-”

“This isn’t a place for small talk,” Violet said, then pointed at her purse. “Leave that with Roxy.”

“What?” Courtney clutched the bag to her chest. “No!” It was one of her favorite accessories, a star-shaped silver handbag with pink iridescent piping. Not to mention, it contained her phone, wallet, keys, and pretty much everything important.

“Courtney.” Violet made a small, aggravated noise. “If you want any hope of getting this job, you will leave that thing here at the front desk where Miss Fame can’t ever see it.”

Whoever this Violet was, she was very very different from the fun, friendly girl she’d met at the club.

“Okay,” Courtney agreed reluctantly, handing the bag over to the receptionist, who pinched it between her thumb and forefinger as if it was covered in dog shit.

Courtney rolled her eyes.

It wasn’t an expensive designer handbag. So what? Surely she wasn’t the first girl to own a fun, cute, novelty purse.

“Come with me,” Violet then said, taking off back down the hall.

Courtney hurried after her, following her into an immaculate conference room with a huge table. Violet gestured to one of the chairs.

“Sit down please.”

Courtney sat, nerves still on edge.

“So…” Violet sat down across from her, notebook open, looking at Courtney’s resume. She clicked her pen. “How much do you know about Galactica? Miss Fame? What research have you done on the company?”

“Oh, um…” Courtney paused, deflating a bit. She’d been prepared to talk about herself, not realizing that there was going to be a quiz. “Well, I know that it’s a very...uh, influential fashion house. And that Miss Fame is the CEO. And…”

Violet waited for another second, before she sighed deeply.

“Let me explain. Miss Fame is one of the busiest and most sought-after people in town. She started this company with Raja Gemini when she was only 26 years old. They got accepted and won the Fashion Fund on their first try. They’re visionaries. Why do you want to work here?”

“Well, I’ve always loved fashion-”

“Have you now?” Violet said, giving her a stern once-over.

Courtney felt like those judgmental eyes would melt her very soul, and suddenly became extremely self-conscious about her choice of outfit. Was her skirt too short? Did her jacket not fit right? Was she wearing anything as offensive as that purse she couldn’t even take into the office? She gulped.

“Y-yes.” It was the truth, even if Violet didn’t believe her. Ever since she could remember, Courtney had loved putting together fabulous outfits. Usually with her brother, both of them getting glammed up and prancing around the house, pretending that they were posh ladies with all the money in the world. And when they were older, he was the one who dressed her up and escorted her to talent agents and auditions--her own little stage mom. “And I did some modeling as a kid in Brisbane.”

Violet rolled her eyes. “Please don’t say that, it won’t impress her at all.”

“Alright. Well, it seems like it would be a really exciting job. And Adore always talks about how wonderful Fame is-”

“Miss Fame,” Violet corrected her. “You aren’t her friend, call her Miss. And don’t mention Adore.”

“No? But she said-”

“She’ll think it’s tacky. She would never hire someone because of a personal connection. If you get the job, it’ll be on your own merits, not because you know Adore. And not because we danced in a club the other night. Don’t mention that either.”

“Okay. Got it.” Courtney bit her lip. This whole situation seemed less and less likely to work out, the few advantages Courtney thought she might have coming in slipping through her fingers like sand.

“Look, Courtney. Working as Miss Fame’s assistant is not some frivolous job full of exciting parties and fancy clothes, okay? It requires you to be organized, and smart, and always stay ten steps ahead of everyone. You’ll need to anticipate Miss Fame’s every need, before she even knows she has them. Is that something you think you can do?”

Anticipate needs before Miss Fame knows she has them? What in the fuck was Violet talking about? She wasn’t a psychic. But this was a job interview, and Courtney supposed that she should nod and smile.

“Yes. Yes, of course,” Courtney said. “I’m...very intuitive.”

“Mmhmm. And how are you with Microsoft office?”

“Pretty good, I think. And I learn very fast,” Courtney said.

“What about communication? Written, verbal...are you a good communicator?”

“Very!” Courtney exclaimed, gaining a little bit of confidence. Finally, something she knew she could handle.

“I’m gonna be honest with you. You don’t have a lot of experience and she has been very, very picky. So your best bet, when you go in with her, is to keep your mouth shut and just listen. This job isn’t about you, it’s about what you can do for her. You don’t matter. Does that make sense?”

Courtney nodded slowly.

“I hope you don’t think I’m being harsh. I’m just trying to prepare you so that you have half a chance.”

“Oh, I know! And thank you, honestly. I really need this job. My visa is-”

“For god’s sake, don’t mention your visa. If you get the job, HR will deal with that.”

“Right, of course.” Don’t mention the visa. Don’t mention Adore. Don’t mention the club. Don’t mention modeling. Courtney’s head spun, praying she’d remember anything she was allowed to say when Fame asked her questions.

“Look. Everyone in New York wants something from Miss Fame. If you’re her assistant, your most important job is to be the gatekeeper. You need to say no to people without them realizing it’s happening. You protect her from all the madness, support her so that her brilliant creative mind can thrive. Do you understand?”

“Yes. Definitely.” Courtney nodded emphatically, and she saw the first thing that almost looked like a smile on Violet’s face since she had arrived.

“Good.” Violet glanced at her watch. “I need to get back. You can stay here until she’s ready for you. But remember...don’t say anything unless you’re answering a direct question. Okay?”

“Okay,” Courtney said.

“Good luck Courtney, and don’t fuck it up.”

With that, Violet picked up her things and sailed out of the room, leaving Courtney alone. She held her breath for a full 10 seconds before letting out a huge sigh, head dropping onto her arms.

Soon, the sound of heels approaching again caused her to jump, spine ramrod straight as Violet threw open the door and snapped her fingers.

“She’s ready. Let’s go.”

***

Fame leaned back in her chair, assessing the girl in front of her with a discerning eye.

She was certainly a pretty little thing, bright-eyed and well-groomed, definitely the right look. Of course, her shoes were cheap and a bit scuffed, the chunky heels absolutely horrifying, but that could be fixed.

She was trembling like a leaf--although Fame didn’t particularly mind that part.  

Courtney had said very little (another mark in her favor), but from what she had offered, Fame appreciated the accent right away. Something about an Australian accent tended to both impress and intimidate Americans, which could easily work in her favor.

After watching her suffer in silence for a few moments, Fame leaned forward, asking, “So...Courtney, was it?”

“Yes.”

“What do you think you’ll bring to this job that no one else can?”

“Well...I work very hard, and I’m very organized, and, uh...I’m really good at playing dumb.”

Fame tilted her head. Well, this was certainly an interesting answer.

“Go on.”

“Violet, she said that most of the job is protecting your privacy and being a...gatekeeper for people who want your attention. That you have to do it in a nice way.” Courtney cleared her throat, continuing nervously. “I think I would be good at pretending I don’t know things, like where you are when you’re in the middle of something that they’re not allowed to know about. Like, um, acting innocent or like...”

Fame continued to listen, eyes narrowed slightly, watching with amusement as Courtney cringed a bit.

“I’m sorry, that was very long-winded. I think I’d be good at making people feel good even when I’m saying no to them.”  

“Hm.” Fame lifted her resume, looking it over one more time. She was inexperienced. Very inexperienced. But there was something about her that Fame found charming, even shrewd.

Besides, if she took longer to train, well, then Violet would just have to stay longer. Which was no skin off Fame’s back.

“Thank you, Courtney.”

“Oh.” Courtney seemed to realize that this was her cue to leave, standing awkwardly. “Thank you so much for the opportunity. It was an honor to meet you,” she said, looking like she wanted to say more, but deciding against it. Another plus.

“That’s all.”

***

Violet had never been happier to see the end of the workweek than when the clock struck 7 on Friday.

Fame would leave soon and then Violet would finally have time to tie up the loose ends of the day, which had gone by like a whirlwind.

Violet kicked off her shoes to rest for just a moment. She was feeling utterly exhausted but victorious.

Courtney had been hired, the girl shrieking so loudly when Violet had called to tell her the news that she almost burst Violet’s eardrum.

Violet leaned back, looking up at the ceiling, her eyes slipped closed. It was just a moment, just for one single moment.

“Ahem.”

Violet heard the cleared throat, but she was so tired she could barely open her eyes. The front doors were closed, the alarm set up on most floors, so it had to be someone from their own company.

“What can I help you with?”

“Is Fame still here?” Violet didn’t recognize the voice, the tone of it clearly male, but it didn’t matter who it was. They weren’t going to be allowed in.

“She is, but Miss Fame is not taking anymore meetings for today,” Violet sat up straight, and opened her eyes, “so if you could plea-”

Violet froze in place, the man in front of her someone she knew very, very well.

“Mr. Bertschy!”

“Hello.” Patrick smiled.

“Oh god, I am so sorry.” Violet stood up straight, quickly smoothing down her dress. Of course it was Fame’s husband. Of course. He often worked just as late as Fame, and since his offices were also in the building, he had keys and codes for everything. “I’ll call her right away for you sir, I’m so sorr-”

“There will be no need for that, Violet.”

Violet stopped immediately as she heard Fame’s soft voice coming from her office, the woman herself walking through her door seconds later.

“Hello darling.” Fame smiled, a tenderness in her eyes as she walked over that Violet very rarely saw. Fame leaned forward, gently kissing her husband.

Violet looked away quickly, Fame always preferring to keep her privacy around employees, from what Violet knew.

She felt like an absolute idiot that she hadn’t made the connection that the visitor would be Fame’s husband, Violet herself making the very dinner reservation they were on their way to now.

“Are you ready to go, darling?”

Patrick nodded and Violet hurried over to get Fame’s coat and purse from the closet. She walked over, holding it up so Fame could slip into it, the scent of her perfume filling Violet’s nose as she did just that.

“I expect everything to be ready Monday for our new employee.” Fame took her purse. “It will be your responsibility to train her, so be prepared to work overtime.”

Violet nodded. “Yes Miss.”

“Good.” Fame took her husband's arm, the two of them walking to the door where Fame stopped.  “Oh, and Violet.” Fame looked over her shoulder. “Put on some shoes.”

Violet looked down, horror rushing over her when she realized that she had forgotten to put her shoes on.

“Yes Miss, it will happen Miss, right away.”

***

Katya would be hard-pressed to name a place in the world she loved more than their building’s rooftop. What had begun as a little community herb garden and grilling station had expanded over the years into a sanctuary. The rows of trees and potted plants lining the sides provided shade, their own little oasis in the urban jungle. They were chosen specifically to attract birds and butterflies as a tribute to Max, her very favorite birder and someone whom Katya relied on as a source of calm in a hectic world.

With permission from Fame, Katya had blown through the last of her own personal trust fund with a complete renovation to the barbecue area, turning it into a fully functional outdoor kitchen and lounge area, perfect for their weekend brunches.

Trixie had gently questioned her at the time; as someone who grew up with so little, he needed money in the bank or he’d get anxious. But what he might never understand was how much joy Katya had gotten creating a place to share with their friends and neighbors, how the time they spent together was more valuable to her than money had ever been.

Katya’s father was an ambassador, and after their family moved to Washington D.C. from Russia when she was just 3 years old, her life was full of stiff formal dinners, itchy fabrics that made it impossible to sit still, and so many rules that it made her head spin.

What followed were years of stuffy New England boarding schools and regimented summer camps. Every second of every day was planned for her: Latin and classical piano, cotillion and horseback riding lessons. Katya tried, she really did, to live up to all of the overwhelming expectations, but at some point along the line, the pressure was too much and she’d just caved in.

Katya shook her head, not wanting to think about the dark years, how hard it had been to get to this point. Instead, she inhaled deeply, looking across the patio at her wonderful boyfriend, doing his very best to squeeze oranges into juice for their brunch.

“Looking good, sugarbutt!” she called out. “Work those muscles.”

Trixie flexed for her, making her giggle delightedly before returning to the table, arranging the baskets of warm breads and pastries that she had been baking since 6 am. She unwrapped the fruit and veggie platter, artfully carved into elaborate rosettes and whimsical little animals, admiring a particularly cute little kiwi turtle, giving him a secret kiss just before the door swung open to reveal their first guest.

“Kimberly!” Katya skipped over to Kim, greeting her excitedly. Helping her with the mountain of French toast and platter of bacon that she’d brought to share.

As usual, her generosity was overwhelming to Katya, part of the reason that she was one of her favorite neighbors. The other part being her absolute artistry. Katya had been in awe of her makeup skills since the first time she’d seen her work, that Galactica show she’d attended with Trixie so many years ago, nervous to return to a place which had been the scene of one of her most dramatic failures in life.

She and Kim were soon chattering away as they set the table, discussing the latest collection at the Brooklyn museum, an anime-inspired artist who they both adored.

Max showed up next, with a beautiful garden veggie frittata and a carafe of hot tea.

“Thank you, Maxi, this looks delicious,” Katya said, giving him a tight squeeze.

Shangela arrived soon after, with a tray of Southern-style mac and cheese that caused both Kim and Trixie to burst into spontaneous applause, and a large bouquet of colorful flowers, presented to Katya with a wink. Shangela was someone that Katya thought she’d never win over - she’d created a major headache for her during her brief time at Galactica, and would certainly not have blamed her if she’d kept a distance.

But Shangela was a forgiving sort of person—after all, she worked daily with her ex-girlfriend—and had no problem at all giving Katya a chance on her own terms when she moved in. Soon, they’d established a mischievous sort of friendship, a playful flirtation and little inside jokes that Katya wouldn’t trade for anything.

Shangela was just explaining the intricacies of her mac recipe to Kim’s wide-eyed appreciation when the door opened again, revealing Violet in a characteristically chic set of work-out clothes—only instead of brunch offerings, she held a yoga mat in her hands, a surprised look on her face as she backed away.  

“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to interrupt…”

“Don’t be silly!” Katya called, beckoning her over. “So glad you’re here!”

“I’m, uh…” Violet glanced at the yoga mat in her hands, tugging at the bottom of her matte black tank top.

“Trixie…” Katya put her hands on her hips. “I told you to invite Violet to brunch. You didn’t forget, did you?”

Trixie set the pitcher of orange juice on the table, a sheepish look on his face.

“Oops.”

“Ha! Busted,” Shangela teased, punching Trixie on the arm.

“Hey, come on. It’s been a rough week,” Trixie defended himself.

“I know,” Katya said, putting her arms around him from behind. “Violet, please stay. I promise next time, you’ll get a formal invite, but trust me, we’re thrilled that you’re here.”

“Oh, I...don’t know if-”

“Hey hey hey, it’s my favorite people…” Pearl said, strolling up to the table. The last to show up, as usual, holding a partially empty bottle of vodka and container of strawberries.

“Aren’t those the strawberries that Katya bought?” Trixie asked, one eyebrow raised. He gestured to the platter, where a handful of said strawberries had been transformed into jaunty little penguins.

“Are they?” Pearl asked.

“And thank you for bringing them up to share with our friends!” Katya enthused, hugging her roommate tightly. “You’re so thoughtful.”

Pearl cast a glance over at Violet, lips turning up in a smirk as she assessed her skimpy attire.

“Nice shorts, pumpkin.”

“I-I didn’t know, I’m sorry, I-”

Katya watched as Violet attempted to stammer out a reply, immediately noticing how pink her cheeks got under Pearl’s bold gaze. Well, that would either be the cutest match in history, or end in total disaster. For Violet’s sake, Katya hoped for the former.  

“Don’t be sorry. You look cute.” Pearl gave her a sexy wink and sat down, pouring some vodka into her glass.

“So, are we brunching or what?”

The rest of the group slid into their seats, helping themselves to the bountiful spread.

Max raised a judgmental eye at Pearl as he asked, “I assume you’re the one responsible for the racket at 3 am?”

“She said she’d be quiet,” Pearl shrugged, barely containing a sly grin. “Not my fault she lied.”

“No it ain’t, baby,” Shangela laughed, giving the blonde a fist bump.

“Can we please say grace? I’d like to give thanks that I don’t share a wall with Pearl,” Kim chimed in.

“Awww, Kimmy. Don’t be jealous,” Pearl licked her lips, “I’ve always got time for you.”

Kim threw back her head in laughter, a piece of Katya’s blueberry muffins in her mouth as she said, “Never change, Pearl. The women of New York would really be losing out.”

Katya seemed to be the only one noticing Violet’s face getting redder and redder at all the talk of Pearl’s sex life, as tame as the discussion was. Her fingers were twisted into the hem of her top, and seemed to be pulling at a loose thread.

All too familiar with the telltale signs of anxiety, Katya put a reassuring hand on her back and began to fill her plate. Something told her that Violet wasn’t big on rich, indulgent foods, so she began with a slice of fresh whole-grain bread and then some of her favorite little fruit creatures: a few of the penguin strawberries, of course, a kiwi turtle, and a little tangerine bear. She lined them up on Violet’s plate like she was arranging toys for a child, feeling unusually protective of this strange and beautiful new friend.

It took Violet a few moments to tear her eyes away from the very conversation making her so uncomfortable. She saw Katya’s handiwork and then glanced up at her, the two of them sharing a secret smile of camaraderie before Katya placed one last offering on her plate: an elaborate carrot rose.

Violet giggled, mouthing ‘Thanks,’ and Katya winked, leaning back happily to bask in the warm sunshine. Yes, she’d fit in just fine.

[dramionediscussion]

I am bit a skeptical that The Cursed Child was just a cash grab for JKR. Not because I have much or any affection towards either the author or the piece. I believe for her retinue of publishers and producers it most certainly was first and foremost a cash grab, a sure hit and a cash cow for years to come. Yet, I don't believe that was the primary or even secondary motivation for JKR herself. If she was mostly concerned with money, then why not go with the most lucrative option and just make a movie instead of a play? Warner Brothers most certainly would've been game, and it would've been orders of magnitude more cash for everybody.

High-end theatre isn't exactly art for art's sake, but a billion dollar industry by its own right. She certainly didn't just wet her beak a little, but took a nice long bath. In either case she would've made like bandit, and I am not disputing that. That being said, for her to choose to do a play instead of a movie is highly likely a substantial pay-cut. It isn't her first rodeo either, and very likely she has a conference room full of people managing her assets, properties, contracts and financial prospects, so I doubt it was a lack of awareness of these possibilities and revenue projections either.

CC movie probably wouldn't have been Deathly Hallows part 3, but quite likely higher than Fantastic Beasts, which is a spin-off after all. Gross revenue for The Cursed Child is $174 million so far (for the theater production. Book sales would've probably been pretty comparable regardless of it being based on a movie or play), and $814 million for the first Fantastic Beasts movie (which is the most comparable entry to possible CC movie at that time and place).

My estimates for total costs of making these are around $40-80 million for CC. It has been performed 783 times so far, mainly on Broadway and West End. Operating costs for one week for premier Broadway shows are around $400,000 to $800,000 and typical schedule has 8 performances per week, average costs per performance are something like $50,000-100,000. Total budget for CC for those entire 783 times would be something like $39,150,000 to $78,300,000. I don't think marketing is added to operating expenses, and I am not sure how much Broadway shows are marketed. However, it probably is infinitesimal compared to what it costs to market a movie. Something like this is quite likely going to be more on the expensive side of these productions, thus probably something like $60-80 million is not too far off, making return on investment be somewhere around $94,056,581 (117.57%) or $114,056,581 (190%).

Costs for Fantastic Beasts are about $350 million ($175 million for the production budget, a rough rule of thumb for Hollywood movies of that scale is that marketing and distribution is at least the same as the budget). A crude estimate for the investment gain for studio is $464,037,575 and return on investment is 132.58%. High-end theater shows can run for decades, thus in certain rare instances they have considerable long-term advantages over movie theaters. However, this has been just about theater revenue so far, and Broadway shows do not have similar opportunities in a home-retail market by means of streaming, DVDs, Blu-rays, broadcasting rights, etc. Also, movies are so much easier to merchandise (is there even specifically CC merchandise out there?). Unfortunately, there are no good publicly available data aggregators for any of this, unlike theater revenue, so its up into air, how much Fantastic Beasts has made in total. There are all kind of estimates out there, and usually for blockbusters it's somewhere between 20-100 % of gross theater revenue. So perhaps added anything from $92 million to $464 million, probably on the lower side as undoubtedly this is one of those in which interests has waned as time has gone on. Let's say, at least another hundred million to the pot with roughly similar ROI.

So, we are talking about something like $550,000,000 profits for FB contra $100,000,000 for CC. It's hard to say how much she gets from any of this (contracts are multilayered and often complex for high profile authors like herself, and quite individualized, and above all else very private). If we assume it's some percentage of total net profits, it probably isn't far off to say, that she would've made at least 5x more by doing CC movie, probably more. There has to be other factors involved in her decision, besides just making money.

I don't really know what motivates her, or why she did what she did. I don't even think it's possible to know something like that, with the information available to us. As in trying to psychoanalyze someone like her from afar. Especially when all the knowledge out there is filtered through a very distorted lens of mass-culture and mass-media*, thus I am just speculating as much as anybody else. I mean, it could've been mostly or all about the money after all. My calculations and estimates might be wrong, or she had false information at the time or lacked information about it all together, or decided not to consider any of it. People behave in unpredictive or irrational ways all the time. Despite all this, speculating and discussing is often quite enjoyable just for its own sake, even if its not solidly based on anything, or even verifiable, so I am going to offer my own take on why JKR signed up for The Cursed Child.

I believe it was more about the prestige and excitement, and perhaps vanity which goes along with getting her work and herself involved into the high-end theatre world like Broadway and West End. Maybe just the novelty was a component as well, and the involvement in more intimate and scaled down project instead of Hollywood mass-spectacle, and perhaps for her something more artistic and less-commercialized (tbh, not that I see that much difference between Broadway / West End and Hollywood in terms on artistic expression or commercialization. Their main target demographics just have different social classes, but I would be surprised if she shared this viewpoint).  

I doubt, she truly cared about the product itself, or how well it fit or complemented her own oeuvre (CC seemed more to undermine her previous works, rather than add anything substantial to it). It was probably more about being involved in that scene and all what goes along with that, rather than the work itself.  Maybe she was burn-out about HP, and that was her best avenue into that world with lowest possible risks and effort (not necessarily just the amount of work exactly, but rather the pressure). I mean, she would have means to finance her own non-HP Broadway show, but for something like that she'd probably would have to front more money than she's willing to risk, and I don't think it's even 100% guarantee that industry would cooperate with something like that, even if she herself was a major backer (it's hard to say what that pre-production phase entails. it's not exactly public knowledge what goes into those negotiations and pre-planning and financing).

Although, it might also be possible that she's more one of those writers who always is just writing for the current story she's working at the moment. And she isn't willing or capable of considering any long-term integrity, consistency or effects her current project might have to her overall works or the universe she has created. It might be just something she doesn't value or be much concerned about with contra how well something fits to the story she's currently working on. Maybe CC was just the book her luck run out and it truly caught up with her. It's not like CC is unique exception in this regard.

*Or a culture-industry, or cultural hegemony, or power-knowledge, or structural power relations, or soft power, or cathedral, or consensus manufacturing propaganda model. Whatever one wants to call the process or phenomenon of how knowledge is produced and disseminated in a complex society such as ours. 

Edit: Wow! This is a good take on things. I think she should have made the other writer try to keep things as canon as possible really. But then again she herself has changed canon after the main series was completed.

- Lisa

[ofmargos]

chicago’s very own margo rosas has been spotted on madison avenue driving a mercedes-AMG G65 , welcome ! your resemblance to camila mendes is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-third birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re distrusting , but being passionate might help you . i think being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be lipstick stained kisses on mirrors , doing vocal warm-ups five minutes before top of show , popping bottles of bubbly to celebrate buying a new pair of shoes . ( my biological dad paid off my mom to keep my relation to him a secret ) & ( cis-female + she / her  ) +  (  lia , 20 , she / her , cst )

whAT is up my dudes ! i’m lia & i lowkey missed wealthy & writing for my bbygirl margo so i’m rlly excited to be here !!!! if you know her from before i’m sorry lmao i’ve tweaked her background a bit but everything else is p much the same ig ?? she’s fun , she’s a dumbitch , & she’s here to make things harder than they need to be probs . but if you wanna know more , i wrote a novel below so plz enjoy that . if you wanna plot then LIKE THIS & i’ll slide in your im’s.or if you prefer discord hmu @  𝐛𝐛𝐧𝐨$𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥#1904. i look forward to writing with y’all ! <3

S T A T S ↴

-- * FULL NAME : margaret lucia rosas -- NICKNAME(S) : margo ( preferred name , started introducing herself to people as “margo” back in like the 7th or 8th grade ??? who’s margaret ? we don’t know her ) , mar , mars -- * AGE : twenty-three -- * D.O.B : october 31 -- * ZODIAC : scorpio -- * GENDER : cis-female --* ORIENTATION : heterosexual heteroromantic -- * HEIGHT : 5′2″ -- * NATIONALITY : american -- * BIRTHPLACE : chicago , illinois -- * OCCUPATION : broadway performer -- * TRAITS : passionate , creative , dramatic , distrusting , outgoing , ambitious , fun-loving , loyal , daring , sarcastic , stubborn , overconfident , impulsive , hard-working , petty , secretive lowkey

B I O G R A P H Y ↴

( TW : BRIEF MENTIONS OF ABORTION, ALCOHOLISM, AND DRUG USE )

   first things first , i’m just going to say it-- margo was an accident . and her story begins with her mother , stassia , who was born and raised on the wrong side of the tracks in chicago , illinois . although she was born into poverty , she had big aspirations for herself and wanted a better lifestyle . her ambition and work ethic were unmatched , and that’s how she managed to get into columbia university ( thank you scholariship $$ ). stassia was in the middle of struggling through her college years when she met her future baby daddy . he was older , going through grad school , and the sole heir to a billion-dollar company . the sparks between them flew instantly despite their differences and they messed around for the better part of a year before the unexpected happened . stassia found herself taking a pregnancy test in the bathroom in between finals ( #justcollegethings , amirite ) and swore she was going to pass out when she noticed the double lines . and let’s just say that her baby daddy did NOT take the news well . a lot of horrible things were said that day . too many hurt feelings for the relationship ( that apparently was never that serious to homeboy ) to carry on . ( TRIGGER WARNING !!! ) so he cut all ties with stassia-- but not before giving her a crazy proposition : get an abortion and never talk to him again OR keep the baby but tell absolutely no one it’s his and never talk to him again . they both seemed like shitty options to stassia , who was actually tragically in love w him , but when he even offered to PAY HER a hefty sum ( i’m talking millions of dollars ) to keep the secret .. well-- it seemed like a blessing in disguise . she’d finally have the funds to live the life she always wanted . even if there was now a baby she didn’t plan for in the mix . so she took the hush money , had the baby in secret , and ran off to completely reinvented herself . ( TRIGGER WARNING END )

    although margo’s mother was born into poverty , margo certainly was not . by the time she was born , margo’s mom was ramping up to graduate college and join the high society in the heart of chicago . she got a good job , a lavish place to live , and never told margo about her past . margo grew up completely disconnected from her mother’s side of the family and had no idea of the lies she was being fed over the years . early on in margo’s childhood , her mother met a man through work who she would later go on to marry . that man is the only dad that margo has ever known . he and his daughter were a welcomed addition to their little family , making margo’s home life feel complete in some way . she was provided a good life with the dual income adding to the millions her mother kept . the life her mother always wished she had growing up . in a way , everything she did was for margo . she never wanted her babygirl to struggle like she had to .

   as she got older , margo went to all the best schools but only made average grades . she was never too concerned with academics and instead focused on her poppin’ social life and extracurriculars . during her middle school days , she developed an affinity for the performing arts . when everyone had to pick an elective , margo found herself in the theatre class and absolutely loving it . and she was good too . she had excellent stage presence and took every role she got in school productions in stride -- literally the best tree number 3 you’ve ever seen in your life . as she moved on to high school , she rose in the ranks of the theatre department until she was pretty much landing every single lead by the time she was an upperclassmen . acting was her passion , and she figured why not turn being dramatic and talking a lot ( her two most notable personality traits ) into a career . to really hone the craft , she trained herself to be a triple threat : actor , singer , and dancer ( sutton foster , eat your heart out ) . honestly truly had rachel berry in early seasons of glee vibes-- she knew she was the best around and wouldn’t stand to let anyone take the spotlight from her . her peers hated to love her talents because she acted like such a bitch to them offstage / out of character . not that margo really cared for what others thought of her anyway . self absorbed as ever , she told herself she didn’t need friends and generally pushed away any one that dared try to get close to her-- save for her sister . though somehow , someway she managed to get sucked into a small group of friends that would change her for the better ( s/o to ky and gio , sorry they had to put up w bitchy hs margo , rip )

   after graduating somewhere in the middle of her class , margo followed in her mother’s footsteps and went to columbia university . she was really only able to get in because she was a legacy and her parents made a considerable donation to the school , but we don’t talk about it . and to say that margo’s college years were transformative feels like an understatement . on one hand , they were some of the best years of her life : she got a true taste of independence , met some of her best friends ( s/o oliver and claudia ), and felt fulfilled to be in the city she had romanticized for so long-- new york baby ! but it was also a very low point for her . back in her high school years , she felt like a very big fish in a teeny tiny pond . she was hot shit , the top dog in her department , and all her hard work and effort to remain leading lady had paid off . however , at columbia she was just one in hundreds of talented people . some with more or less talent , or more or less connections , but they deserved a shot at fame just as much as she did . margo felt like she was fighting for her chance in the spotlight every single day and it was both parts exhausting and humbling for her . she had a amy march mentality “i want to be great, or nothing” and considered throwing in the towel . temporarily thrown off by the pressure to be successful , she took a small tumble from grace . ( TRIGGER WARNING !!! ) turning towards alcohol was her coping mechanism of choice . losing herself in the party scene and surrounding herself with other people that prioritized getting drunk or high over going to class and getting good grades had an obvious effect on her academic performance . ( END TRIGGER WARNING ) she almost lost her place in the BFA Theatre Program during her junior year due being on academic probation . it took a little bit of intervention on her close friends and family part to get margo clean and pull herself together . but by her senior year , she got back on track to graduate on time and participated in various shows at local theaters to build her resume . after almost losing everything she had ever worked for , a fire was lit under margo that had her determined to push herself hard than ever before and make a name for herself in the theatre world . 

   after she graduated from columbia she moved to new york permanently so that she could fully submerge herself in her work . not long after graduating , she was lucky enough to book several gigs including her big breakout role as lydia in beetlejuice the musical ! it really skyrocketed her into broadway stardom which is cool . a life long dream that once seemed unobtainable was suddenly a reality and she couldn’t have been more elated . with her sudden ( and well deserved ) success , she got a lot of media attention . soon she was getting verified on twitter , instagram , gaining a whole bunch of followers , and getting asked to be on talkshows and stuff to promote the show . honestly , truly a dream ! but her new-found fame gained the attention of another group of people .. her mom’s long lost family . one of her aunt’s ( that she previously didn’t know existed ) reached out to her through social media . and at first , margo honestly couldn’t believe that she had family that her mom never told her about . but after some thought it sort of made sense . in hindsight , her mom had always been evasive whenever margo asked about the other’s childhood or her side of the family .

   when margo told her mom about her aunt reaching out and how she wanted to meet her , her mom shut it down quick . stassia told her there were a lot of reasons that she didn’t talk to that side of the family and that was that-- PERIODT . but margo was #rebellious and went to meet with her aunt anyway . and that’s how she found out about her brazilian roots and her big ol’ loving and supportive extended family . that whole experience made margo reconsider what other things her mom was keeping from her . and boy oh boy was that a rabbit hole she shouldn’t have gone down . when margo started to demand her mother tell her the truth , it caused their relationship to grow tense . stassia eventually cracked and told her about her bio-dad and all the things she went through for margo . with the truth finally being exposed to her , margo started seeing things in a new light . like her whole life is kinda a lie and why didn’t her father want her ? where was he ? does he know who she is ? why did he never try to contact her ? has she ever walked past him in the streets and never knew ? it was all too much for her to think about so she just kinda ... shut it all out . she acted like nothing was different , even if her “ what if ” thoughts keep her up most nights . 

   if you just ignore the abandonment issues , insecurities , and her inability to handle emotions and focus solely on her success in material terms : margo’s doing really well ! she’s been living in new york full time for two (2) years now . she’s one of broadway’s most popular rising stars . having completed her run as the original lydia deetz on broadway , she’s moved on to take on the mantel of janis in mean girls on broadway . she’s learning , growing , and thriving . just trying to have a good time all the time with her friends and live the dream , baby !

P E R S O N A L I T Y  &  F U N  F A C T S ↴

margo is super fun-loving and down to clown 

will try anything once and it’s gotten her in trouble more times than she can count

also cannot stand to be bored , so she’s always looking for the next big adventure 

although she can be really ridiculous sometimes , she’s very serious when it comes to her work . she’s super hard-working and doesn’t let anything or anyone stand in the way of achieving her dreams : even herself

margo’s a very sociable girl and will talk to anyone and everyone . she’s the type that will hold a conversation for 2hrs with a stranger at a party and then when you ask her “who was that” she’s like “i don’t remember their name but i do know their entire life story so that’s cool”

has a way of making people feel like they know her really well when really she’s only letting them see 1/8th of her

keeps her personal life private normally unless you’re super good friends w her

i wouldn’t recommend pissing her off , bc she is petty as a mf and will lit rally never forget how one’s wronged her . this causes her to start fights sometimes . she’ll just bring up old shit out of no where and , since she’s nosy af , she makes everything her business and confronts people on their bs

she’s a whole liar bc she claims she’s a “retired party girl” but really party girl margo has never stopped , will never stop , can never be stopped

studied theatre in college but minored in mass communications just in case she needed a backup job

is v bad at being an adult !!!! like ... can’t cook , often forgets about her responsibilities until the last minute or needs to be reminded like 20 times , stills calls her parents to be like “how do u use a washing machine plz help” , y’know the drill . yet somehow she manages to act as a mom friend to the people that are closest to her ??? v much a “do as i say not as i do” type of hypocrite lol

she has a tiktok and posts dumb shit on there all the time w her friends and like vlogs her backstage experiences in the theater and does the stupid dances and all that stuff hehe

is learning portuguese after meeting the brazilian side of her family

self-proclaimed dancing queen and it’s not because she learned ballet , jazz , and tap whole dabbling in other styles but because when she’s drunk you will in fact catch her dancing on tables !!!!!

i cannot stress enough how bad she is at dealing with her own feelings . like ... instead of dealing with them head on she just ... shuts down . runs away . will ghost on someone she really likes just bc she’d rather leave first than get left and i hate her for it

have i mentioned how big her ego is ???? pHEW . she rides a v fine line between self confident and OVER confident . but tbh it’s just a cover up for how much she rlly hates herself , there i said it

loyalty is EVERYTHING to margo . if you got her back , she’s got your back . but if you screw her over or mess with anyone she loves then she’ll likely try to make your life a living hell IM SORRY

undiagnosed insomniac . nights she spends alone in her own bed are the hardest for her because it’s when all the bad scary thoughts creep up on her and no matter how much she wants to shut them out and just close her eyes and fall to sleep , she can’t . so she’ll often roam the city looking for a distraction or hit up her friends and bother them for some spare company

she’s doesn’t like to be alone ( not like in a romantic relationship sense -- she actually likes being single bc she’s afraid of letting ppl get close enough to hurt her ). hence why she’s always had a roommate even after she moved out of her parent’s house . if she’s not attached to her roommate / best friend kylie’s hip then she’s definitely hitting up her sister or her other friends to see if they want to hang out , even if hanging out is laying around doing nothing or running errands together . margo wants to tag along just for the company

notoriously known for coming up with terrible ideas or following through with other people’s terrible ideas without question bc #YOLO

she’s her pr agents worse nightmare simply bc she has no filter and will not change herself or what she posts just bc she has a big audience ( follow margo on social media and you’re gonna see the good , the bad , and the ugly she does not give a FUCK )

always has good intentions ! her execution / way of showing those intentions is just poor !

she is a rich girl that could not survive not being rich and doesn’t even realize how spoiled she is . spends money like it’s nothing

a mob boss ( this is a joke but also kinda not a joke )

WANTED CONNECTION PAGES HERE 

[ladywinterwitch]

Dead Girl Walking

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Actress! Reader  (Teather AU)

Summary: The reader is the sobstitute in a off-Broadway production for the Musical Heathers. The female lead can’t do the show, so she gets called in her place where she’ll met the male lead, a charming blue eyed man.

Warnings: musicals, cursing, mentions of smut, mentions of drugs, making out, Seb’s a little minx, other people from the Marvel cast are in here.

Word Count: 5007 (long AF)

A/n: Okay so the idea obviously came to me when I was listening to the song Dead girl walking from the off-bway musical Heathers. It’s my favorite song from the musical and where I find it really enjoyable and funny to listen to, it made me wonder how two actors would be dealing with the performace which is A LOT. I recommend you to see this video if you want to understand better how the dynamic works and to listen to the song.

The songs mentioned in order are Beautiful, Candy Store, Freeze Your Brain, Big Fun, Dead Girl Walking and Seventeen (reprise) 

ps: Yes, that’s an actual gif from the show

                                                (gif not mine)

It was a normal day, calm, average. You woke up, read a few times a script for a new audition, went out for lunch with your best friend, came home and started to read some pages of your last purchase, Stephen King’s Gerald’s game.

Now you were chilling on your sofa, with your cat sleeping near your feet, when suddenly the cellphone rang, scaring the shit out of you.

You jumped a little scaring off your pet which ran away. You sighed and streched to reach your phone on glass coffe table in front of you. The number was unknown, but you answer anyway.

-Hello?- 

-Y/n? Thank God, that’s the right number.- You recognized the voice of the director of the theatrical show you auditioned for, Heathers. Unfortunately you didn’t get the part, but you were called back to be a reserve for the main role.

-Theresa? Is everything all right?- you asked, sitting straight and putting your legs down the sofa, two of your fingers used as bookmark.

-Yeah it’s just, you got anything planned tonight? Or, well, right now?- the woman asked a little nervous. You could hear noise in the background.

-No, no. Absolutley nothing, uhm, why?- you basically jumped up.

-Perfect. Then we’ll wait for you at the theatre in like, ten minutes, yeah? See you.- Before you could ask anything else, she hang up. 

-Fuck.- you cursed loudly, literally throwing the book on the table and running to your bedroom. How the hell were you supposed to be ready and get there in ten minutes, when you were in your pajamas, had messy hair and didn’t have a bit of make up on? 

You think quickly and take from the wardrobe a military green dress and a pair of heel boots. Comfortable and quick, but still presentable. Then you rushed to the bathroom, brushed your theeth and your hair to make them look at least deacent. You decided to stuff into your bag you mascara and a dusty pink nude lipstick and you went to your car. You had already put on the musical’s playlist, listening to it while you drove there, just in case.

-

You arrived some minutes later, parked the car in a miracolously free spot and went inside. You entered the stage room and saw that the cast was rehearsing the song “big fun”. Theresa, which was at her director spot under the stage, turned around and when she saw you she motioned for you to come closer. You did, while the others continued to perform.

-I’m sorry, I’m a little late.- you apologized keeping your voice low. She shook her head.

-Don’t worry, our JD hasn’t arrived either.- she said with an hint of irritation, referring to the leading male part. She sighed recomposing herself.

-You can already imagine why I’ve called you, but still. Our actress for Veronica just broke her ankle, so she won’t be able to perform for a while. Are you still available? Tell me right away because you either would have to jump right on the stage and reharse all day until tonight or I’ll have to call reserve number three, which to be honest I wouldn’t be really thrilled to do.- she askedlike someone who definetly didn’t have time to lose.

You were in seventh heaven. You wanted that part so bad. You didn’t have a long resumee yet, and a show so popular like Heathers would’ve opened many doors to you as well as helping to make yourself know to the public. For a moment you didn’t even realized what she had just said. She gave you a side eye and you suddenly came back to your senses.

-Yes!- you said a little too loud, gaining a few eyes from the crew in the pit, but not from the cast on stage who were still singing. You calmed down a bit, before widening your eyes.

-Wait, you said tonight?- Theresa checked her phone while answering with a ‘yes’. You felt stupid for forgetting that.

-Tonight’s the premiere, honey. C'mon now, get on the stage, you have to rehearse and meet the cast.- you did as you were told, going up the stage. The guys were dressed with their own clothes and a man was on the piano. They were just singing and not doing the whole thing, which worried you a little, despite the fact that you knew all the choreographies and lyrics thanks to the rehearsals you did with the ‘backup’ cast. So you didn’t knew anyone from the actual one.

-Guys, we have our Veronica.- you head a few ‘thanks God’ and sighs of relief. 

-Five minutes break then we resume.- she clasped her hands going off the stage to make a call. A little group of people came to you. There were two blonde, fair skinned girls and one with dark curly hair and dark skin.

-Hey, I’m Scarlett, I play Heather Chandler. Those are Elizabeth and Tessa, and they play Heather McNamara and Heather Duke. Nice to meet you..?- she efficiently introduced herself and the other two girls with enthusiasm. You smiled at them, waving slightly.

-Y/n. And well, you already know I’ll be Veronica Sawyer.- you chuckle a little and they smiled. Then two guys joined you introducing themselves as Chris and Anthony, which respectively play Kurt and Ram, the two stereotypical frat boy douchebags. But they were all but that, instead they were both quite attractive and funny, and nice above all.

Then Hayley, a nice british girl, introduced herself too and said she was going to play Martha. You honestly could’ve never pictured her as a stereotyped loser with a few extra punds like the character. She was too pretty and definetly not fat. She had curves and she was stunning. But you knew that the voice was the main requirement to be choosed in this type of castings so you imagined that that was the reason they choosed her. Also, the make up would’ve done the rest.

The director interrupeted your conversation saying that it was time to resume the reharsals, so you all got in position, this time adding the dancing to the singing.

-

You started with the song “beautiful”, then the Heathers trio sang “candy store” and so on, until you got to your personal favorite, “Dead girl walking”. It had gone all pretty smoothly, the director intervening a few times to give advices and correct something.

-Okay y/n, you’re on your own now, I’ll sing for JD. Start at the note.- the piano man said and you nodded, clearing your throat slightly to prepare yourself. He started to play and on the right timing you began to sing, standing next to him since your partner wasn’t there to perform and doing it on your own would’ve been kinda awkward.

You performed beautifully and at the end the crew even clapped. You knew that was one of the hardest songs, so you felt a pinch of pride at their reaction.You blushed a smiled grateful.

-I see you found my new partner in crime.- you heard a deep, amused, voice coming from behind you. You and the rest of the cast turned around. A guy was standing on the door jamb with a smirk. He was tall, had brown hair, a little long just under his ears, and they were pulled back. He was probably the most attractive guy you’ve ever seen.

-What an honor for you to join us mortals. And you guessed right, Sebastian. Y/n will be your Veronica. Probably for the rest of the plays.- Theresa said shocking you. Your head snapped towards her which was looking at you with a grin. You smiled widely, a hand covering your mouth from the surprise.

-What about the other girl?- you asked walking to her. She shrugged.

-We don’t know when she will be able to walk and dance again, plus, your talent is pretty much the same. Only you’re nicer.- she confessed, you shook your head a bit in disbelief and gave her a hug.

-Thankyou, that’s an honor.- you thanked her sincerely. She nodded and tilted her head to the side.

-Don’t thank me, thank your preparation. Now go meet your partner. He’s a bit presumptuos, but he’s good deep inside.- 

You left her with the some other cast member and got closer to the group that surrounded Sebastian. Chris saw you coming and smiled.

-Hey y/n, congrats. We’re happy you’re going to stay with us.- you laugh a bit.

-Thankyou Chris, I still don’t realize it.- 

-Aw c’mon, you deserve it. In any case, we’ll leave you talk, from Veronica to JD.- Tessa held your arm for a second before going away with the rest of the people.

At that point you were left alone with Sebastian. You felt a bit intimidated for some reason. You didn’t know if was for his confident behaviour or the amused look that he was giving you.

-Well, hello there.- he clearly checked you out, keeping his smirk. You understood that he didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, it was just his way to be friendly.

-Hi.- you said a bit embarassed. 

-I would say congratulations, but it would be probably the tenth time, so I’ll just settle with nice to meet you.- he offered his hand and you shook it a few times, a lopsided smile on your lips.

-Likewise.- he didn’t take his eyes off of you. Before you could talk again, one of the producers spoke to everyone.

-All right folks, it’s time to get ready. The people will arrive in two hours and the stage must be prepared. To the changing rooms.- Your eyes widened and your heart started to race.

-Hey now, don’t panic. You were amazing earlier. Just take a deep breath. It’s time to get ready. It’s going to be alright.- he spoke in a reassuring tone that made you automathically smile a little. He started to walk away, then turned back for a split second.

-Well, actually maybe a few drops of alchol would help, just in case.- you laughed and he winked at you.

-

You shared the room with the four girls. It was a bit chaotic, but everyone did their thing professionally and without losing time. After a good forty-five minutes of make up, which was included: foundation, mascara, eyeliner, blush, and a pale cherry lipstick. The red lipstick was actually a tint, because you would have to kiss a lot and certainly there wouldn’t have been time to clean the mess and re-apply it over and over.

 The rest of the time was left for the hair to get done. First they tied up your hair with a few bobby pins, then applied a bald cap fixing it, and last but not least, they slipped on a raven black, shoulder lenght wig on your head. The hairstylist started to curl the black locks in loose curls at the tips. In the mean time the make up artist gave the last touches to the make up and then applied the tiny mic at the top of your forehead. applying some foundation to try to blend it better with your skin tone. 

During all the process you talked and had fun with the girls. You found out that Scarlett was dating Chris, that Tessa was excited because her new girlfriend would’ve been here to see her perform, that Hayley was originally from London but came to New York because her dream was to be on Broadway and that Lizzie was from a family of actors but that she was the only one who sang.

When the hairstylist had finished curling and styling the wig, she applied a blue hairband with a very simple knot on the right side.

Lastly, it was time to get dressed. You thanked God when you finally stood up from the make up chair, you couldn’t take to be seated anymore. The costume designer took yout plastic covered costume from the trolley hanger and uncovered it. 

-Tak off the robe, please.- the lady asked you nicely.

-Sure.- you responded right away taking it off. She passed to you a blue lacy bra and you rose an eyebrow. She shrugged.

-You know, that scene.- she responded, and you understood right away. She covered you with a jacket and you took off your current bra putting on the blue one. It was a bit tight, but it wasn’t uncomfortable thankfully. Then she helped you put on the rest of the costume which consisted in a plain white shirt, an electric blue elegant jacket, a light grey pleated mini skirt which barely arrived at your mid-thigh, a pair of white parisian stockings that reached just above your knees, and last but not least a pair of black heels. Not too high, thankfully.

You heard a whistle and turned your head. The girls were all ready except for Hayley which was still getting her, probably fifth, layer of clothes fixed. Scarlett wore red, Tessa green and Lizzie yellow, as their characters. They looked stunning.

-Look who’s gonna kick all asses tonight.- Tessa said. You all laughed. The costume designer helped you fit into a loose wool pullover with some ygly designs on it, then a scarf and an equally loose pair of brown sweatpants above your current costume. You started to feel a bit hot, but your told yourself that it was just for a few minutes of the first song.

-You don’t look bad yourself.- you talked back. Then there was a knock on the door.

-Girls, it’s time. Y/n on stage in ten.- a member of the crew opened the door and then quickly went away.

You breathed in and out to calm yourself down while you and the girls went to the backstage.

-So, all here? Good, good. So, just a few words.- Theresa spoke and you felt a hand on the small of your back. You tought that it was one of the girls, but you couldn’t be more wrong. You looked at your side, and got face to face with an incredibly sharp jawline. You turned back to look at Theresa, not wanting to embarass yourself, even if Sebastian’s touch was making you freak out a little.

-We worked very hard to get at this point. So behave and don’t screw up, kids. Love you all! And break a leg!-

A few seconds later you and the cast got called for the first song, 'beautiful’.

-See you later.- a shiver ran down your spine when he whispered in your ear. You looked at him. He had his hair back, just like before. He was now wearing combat boots, black jeans, a black t-shirt and a black long coat. And a smirk was painted on his face. The perfect Jason Dean.

You hated yourself for letting him have this effect on you, so you got your shit together and smiled seductively, gazing him straight in the eyes.

-Later, bad boy.- you teased referring to his role. had just a flash of his amused expression before walking away. You got on stage and began to sing.

- September 1st 1989. Dear diary…-  at first you were alone on stage, then some extras joined you, then Ram got introduced.

Anthony wore a pair of blue jeans, a white t-shirt, nikies and a red and white bomber jacket with a big W on the left side. He hit the prop lunch tray you were holding with a fakely innocent ‘oops’.

-Ram Sweeney, third year as linebacker. And 8th year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick.- you talked to the audience as planned with an annoyed tone.

-What did you say to me, skank?- he got closer, menacing. You jumped a bit and put on a scared face.

-Aagh! Nothing.- you responded quickly. You sang a few words of the chorus and then Hayley got on stage. She was almost make up-less and with some baggy and pastel colour clothes, glasses and and ugly liliac t-shirt with an unicorn at the front which could’ve easily made anyone at least two sizes bigger. She was almost unrecognizable.

-Martha Dunstock. My best friend since diapers.- you talked again to the audience, then to Hayley. 

-We on for movie night?- she replaced her british accent with the american one and pitched her voice a bit.

-Yeah! You’re on Jiffy Pop detail.- 

-I rented the princess bride.- she responded timidly. You laughed slightly raising your eyebrows.

-Ooh! Again? Wait, don’t you have it memorized by now?- you cross your arms against your chest, listening.

-What can I say, I’m a sucker for a happy ending.- she answered sadly. Then Chris came running from the right part of the backstage, and smacked Hayley’s prop lunch tray just like Anthony, and like him he was dressed with the same pants, shoes and bomber jacket except for his shirt that was grey. 

-Martha Dumptruck! Wide load, aah!- he screamed mockingly.

- Kurt Kelly, quarterback. He is the smartest guy on the football team, which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.- you addressed the audience again, gaining a chuckle. Then you returned to spoke to Chris.

-Hey! Pick that up! Right now.- you ordered loudly. 

-I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?- lucky enough that you knew that he wasn’t a real douche, because at this point you would’ve already slapped him. You noted to make Chris compliments later.

-Yes, I am. I want to know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You’re a high school has-been waiting to happen, a future gas station attendant.- you said with the most insulting tone you could master. He furruwed his brows and narrowed his eyes a bit, looking down at you. 

-You have a zit right there.- he states. All the extras laugh out loud and you all resume to sing. 

Then after a brief instrumental pause everyone but you start to chant softly the name ‘Heather’. Scarlett, Tessa and Lizzie walk slowly on stage, almost in slow motion.

-And then there’s the Heathers. They float above it all.- you start to talk to the public as a narrator while you introduce them one by one. 

-Heather McNamara, head cheerleader. Her dad is loaded, he sells engagement rings.- the spotlight is on Lizzie, then it shifts to Tessa. 

-Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernable personality, but her mom did pay for implants.- you continue, then do a shot pause and the light shifts on Scarlett, which was in the middle. Their costumes were basically the same: very short mini skirt, a white shirt underneath an elegant short jacket, parisian white stockings that reached above the knee and black high heels. The only differecies were the colours, yellow, green and lastly red. 

-And Heather Chandler, the almighty. She is a mythic bitch.- the music gets a bit faster while you keep going. Another piece of song goes on and you get introduced to the Heathers, you ask them to sit at their table so that no one could pick on you and in the end they accept and decide to transform you. So while another chourus goes on, you four get behind the scenes and the costume designer is quickly at your side, helping you to take off the scar, pants, pullover and to put on the heels, fix any eventual crease and in the end she brushed a bit the wig while you put on a rosy lipstick. Just in time, you go back on stage after Scarlett, Tessa and Lizzie.

The song ends and there’s a little banter between you and them which want Veronica to give Martha a fake love letter form Ram to bully her. You refuse and they get angry, which leads to their song.

After another song, finally is JD’s turn to be introduced. He and Veronica meet in a gorcery shop and you start to eat some red licorice while he was drinking a frozen slushie. He looked charming. You were also having a lot of fun, which was ideal for your chemistry. A few lines later he began to sing.

-I’ve been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry. No point in planting roots ‘cause you’re gone in a hurry. My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it’s only a matter of when.- he begins, and boy, was he talented. You smiled at him, not only because you felt like it, but also because it was in the script. 

-Freeze your brain, suck on that straw get lost in the pain. Happiness comes when everything numbs, who needs cocaine?- he sang a few words, then came back to talking. 

-Care for a hit?- he raised the plastic glass, pointing the straw towards you.

-Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?- you smirked teasingly. He tilted his head to the side, raising his eyebrows.

-Not anymore.- he resumed singing along with the music. -When mom was alive, we lived half way normal, now it’s just me and my dad, we’re less formal. I’ve learned to cook pasta, learned to pay rent, learned the world doesn’t owe you a cent.- the note got a bit high and his voice changed in a more teasing tone. 

-You’re planning your future, Veronica Sawyer. You’ll go to some college and marry a lawyer. But the sky’s gonna hurt when it falls, so you better start building some walls.- he sings the chorus towards the audience, then the song ends, and on the last note he snaps his head towards you, his arm stretched offering you the slushie.

-Try it.- the public applaudes and the lights go off, giving you the time to prepare for the next song. It’s a very crowded and messy song, set in a house party. At some point you refuse to obey Scarlett’s Heather Chandler and she says that you’re over. You go away from the party feeling lost. The song ends and the lights go off to give the time to the everyone in the cast to get away.

You were slightly getting more and more nervous for the next song, which woul’ve been a lot more challenging, both to sing and perform, considering that you had to basically ride Sebastian in front of the audience.

You were left alone on stage, if you didn’t consider Sebastian pretending to sleep on the higher stage behind you on a mattress.

-The demon queen of high school has decreed it. She says Monday, 8 am I will be deleted.- you start, the music fastening a little. -They’ll hunt me down in study hall Stuff and mount me on the wall. Thirty hours to live, how shall I spend them?- You walked near the lockers, your voice dripping worry.

-I don’t have to stay and die like cattle,I could change my name and ride up to Seattle. But I don’t own a motorbike.- you stopped suddenly, a lopsided smile sppearing on your face -Wait.- you looked at the audience.

-Here’s an option that I like. Spend these thirty hours getting freaky!- you hit the fist high note, pointing at Sebastian’s, fake, sleeping figure.

-Yeah! I need it hard, I’m a dead girl walking! I’m in your yard, I’m a dead girl walking! Before they punch my clock, I’m snapping off your window lock. Got no time to knock! I’m a dead girl walking..- the line getting softer.

You went up the stairs to the upper stage and walked towards him. He opened his eyes and sit up, straddled.

-Veronica! What’re you doing in my room?- he exclaims confused. You went closer and he got on his feet. Now he didn’t have shoes, had a pair of white boxers and a white tank top.

-Shh...- you put a finger in front of your mouth, shushing him seductively. -Sorry but I really had to wake you. See, I decided I must ride you 'til I break you ,'cause Heather says I got to go. You’re my last meal on death row, so shut your mouth and lose them tighty whiteys!- you start with a sweet tone that goes higher and stronger ‘til you hit the last note. You pointed at his boxers.

-Come on! Tonight I’m yours, I’m your dead girl walking! Get on all fours! Kiss this dead girl walking!- You pushed his shoulders with your hands until he got on his knees in front of you. The public laughed slightly.

He looked up at you, starting to caress your tighs with his surprisingly soft hands. They were going up and up, until he reached your ass cheeks. He wasn’t taking his gaze away from yours.

-Let’s go, you know the drillI. I’m hot, and pissed, and on the pill.- you snapped your head towards the audience, raising an eyebrow, gaining a chuckle. Then you returned your attention to Sebastian. -Bow down to the will-Of a dead girl walking!-

You both got on all fours and you gave him a little push to make him sit back, and crawled between his legs. 

-And you know, you know, you know. It’s 'cause you’re beautiful, you say you’re numb inside, but I can’t agree.-  You changed tone and got sweet, placing a hand on his heart. -So the world’s unfair? Keep it locked out there! In here it’s beautiful, let’s make this beautiful!-  

He looked at you and smiled, then exclaimed  -That works for me!- 

An instrumental moment began, and you both knew what would’ve come next. So you just did it, without thinking too much. He cupped your cheeks and forcefully pulled you to him, kissing you. You responded right away, trying to think straight and follow the script you started to take off your jacket and then his t-shirt, leaving him in his underwear. If your faces weren’t stuck together you woul’ve probably been jaw dropping at his tanned and muscular figure, but there wasn’t time for that. You pulled away and started to sing again.

-Yeah! Full steam ahead,take this dead girl walking!-

-How’d you find my address?- he asked scared. The public laughed.

-Let’s break the bed! Rock this dead girl walking!- you ignored him.

-I think you tore my mattress!- again, the crowd laughed.

-No sleep tonight for you, Better chug that Mountain Dew! Get your ass in gear, make this whole town disappear!- you motioned a ripping movement with your arms and hands. 

-Okay, okay!- he gave up, still scared.

You got on his lap, your legs on each side of his hips. The only thing that separated your intimate parts were your panties and his boxers, but it wansn’t actually enough.

-Slap me, pull my hair, touch me there, and there , and there and no more talking! Love this dead girl walking!- you hit another high note. This moment should’ve been arranged between you two before, like every performer ever does when he had to play scenes like that, but you had to improvise now.

It all happened rather quickly: He gave you a not-so-light spank on the butt, then put his hand in your hair and gently pulled to expose your neck, to the first 'there’ he cupped your breasts, then your ass and at the last one he tore open your shirt, that thankfully had clasp buttons and not normal ones.

In the end your lace covered breasts were exposed to him. You didn’t even had the time to blush, 'cause you started to ride his lap automatically following the script. He helped your movement with his hands on your hips.

-Love this dead girl walking!- you sang.

-Yeah!- you said together. -Yeah!- thrust -Yeah!- again.

-Ow!- he cried when you grazed on his neck with your teeth as you were planned to do, and then one last harsh thrust.

-Yeah!- you hit the highest note and the song ended. The audience cheered as the lights went down. You and him wnr behind the scenes while the crew collected the clothes and came back to the backstage, you didn’t dare to look at him as you both were getting dressed again with the help of the assistants.

-

The rest of the show went perfectly, even if you had a little bit of trouble looking in Sebastian’s eyes after that song. After the ’Seventeen’ reprise the show ended. You all came back on stage for the salute, and after that you went straight to the dressing room to change.

Scarlett was kind enought to let you borrow one of the two dresses she brought from home for the after party. You choose the first, which was mid-tigh, rose gold and sparkly, and had a collar to which the spaghetti straps were attached, leaving the back bare til the lower part. And abviously high heels. You fixed your make up and put on a quite deep shade of pink on the lips, then you were ready.

The girls continued to tease you about Sebastian. They haven’t seen the performance really well, but they did see the faces of you both when you came back to dress up. And that was enough. You shushed them while finishing to fix your now wig-free hair.

You arrived and many poeple made theri congratulations and compliments on your performance. Then you went outside to take a bit of air, your champagne in your hands.

-Hey. Nice play up there.-  you had learned to recognize that voice by now. You turned around. He was wearing a suit, the first few buttons of his white shirt unbuttoned.

-You weren’t that bad yourself.- you smiled briefly. He inched closer and whispered to your ear.

-Y'know it was a miracle that I didn’t get hard on the last bit. Your pussy grinding against my cock like your life depended on it.- you blushed from head to toe. You felt fire on your cheeks and not only there, if you’d had to be honest.

-And I know you did enjoy that too. The little wet spot on my boxers is proof. Am I wrong, babygirl?- he asked, his voice like velvet. You were a bit taken aback, but finally decided to do something. Fuck it.

-No.- you answered. The courage, didn’t even know where that came from. All that you knew, was that in that exact moment his lips were on yours, his hands on your waist and yours on his chest, leaving the glass to fall to the ground.

Someone must’ve heard that, 'cause Chris went outside to check and found the two of you quite occupied. He smirked and closed the door, going to Anthony to retrieve those twenty dollars they bet on you two.

This was a bit of an experiment. I really like Broadway songs and this looked like fun to write, so I did it. Obviously the musical’s plot, characters and lyrics do NOT belong to me in this case. Hope you liked it ;)

[erikahenningsen]

Underrated musicals and plays you should check out

Happy quarantine everyone! I’ve been thinking about making a post like this for a long time now and what better time to do it then when we’re all stuck inside.

INDECENT

Play or musical? Play.

What’s it about? Indecent is a play by Paula Vogel. It recounts the controversy surrounding the Yiddish play God of Vengeance by Sholem Asch, which was produced on Broadway in 1923, for which the cast of the original production was arrested on the grounds of obscenity. God of Vengeance was the first kiss between two women on Broadway.

Why should I check this out? The writing is beautiful and the structure is seamless, balancing emotion, comedy, music, and drama effortlessly. It’s one of the best-directed shows I’ve ever seen (the direction rightfully won a Tony Award). Each actor plays several characters (and several play their own instruments) brilliantly and distinctly. Jewish culture is front and center, and there there is a canon WLW couple in both Indecent and God of Vengeance. Indecent is hilarious one moment and devastating the next. You will not be able to stop thinking about this play after watching it.

How can I watch this show? Indecent has a proshot available on the PBS website, or you can ask me for a link to my copy of it. 

Can I buy the text? Yes.

Is there a cast recording? Yes.

COME FROM AWAY

Play or musical? Musical. 

What’s it about? Come From Away is a musical by Irene Sankoff and David Hein. It is set in the week following the September 11 attacks and tells the true story of what transpired when 38 planes were ordered to land unexpectedly in the small town of Gander in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada, as part of Operation Yellow Ribbon. The characters in the musical are based on (and in most cases share the names of) real Gander residents as well as some of the 7,000 stranded travelers they housed and fed.

Why should I check this out? Come From Away is one of the best-written musicals I’ve ever seen. The pacing is perfect and every person in the cast plays at least three different characters seamlessly. The music is incredibly unique, as it is heavily influenced by Newfoundland folk music. You will laugh. You will cry. You will have the music stuck in your head for two weeks. The only problem with watching Come From Away during quarantine is it will make you want to give the special people in your life a hug.

How can I watch this show? Come From Away is currently playing on Broadway, in the West End, on tour across the US, and in Toronto, Melbourne, and Sydney. There are several video bootlegs that aren’t hard to find. 

Can I buy the text? I don’t think so. Correct me if I’m wrong.

Is there a cast recording? Yes.

CHOIR BOY

Play or musical? Play.

What’s it about? Choir Boy is a play by Tarell Alvin McCraney, who is best known for co-writing the Oscar-winning screenplay of Moonlight, the movie based on his play, In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue. Choir Boy follows Pharus, a gay teenager at an all-black, all-boys boarding school. Pharus has just been elected the lead of his school choir, a very high honor. Though Pharus is lauded for his vocal talent, his classmates do not all respond well to his flamboyance and confidence. Choir Boy is a story centered on relationships that asks what it means to be a young, gay, black man in America.

Why should I check this out? One of the most devastatingly beautiful pieces of theatre I have ever seen, Choir Boy is overflowing with fantastic monologues, hilarious one-liners, and gorgeous a cappella songs with some really dope step choreography. Tarell McCraney is the master of writing heartfelt, realistic romantic and platonic love between men of color. 

How can I watch this show? Choir Boy is gaining popularity as a regional show. Unfortunately there is no video bootleg in circulation, and although I am absolutely positive MTC has one, there is no proshot. There are a lot of official clips on YouTube and if you message me privately I can give you an audio recording of the show. 

Can I buy the text? You can buy the pre-Broadway version of the play. We have not been successful in finding a Broadway copy of the text, although I do have one I got at flea that was part of a Tony voters package.

Is there a cast recording? No, and I’m mad about it.

THE WRONG MAN

Play or musical? Musical.

What’s it about? The Wrong Man started as a concept album by Ross Golan, and he expanded on it to create a 90-minute musical. Duran, a man down on his luck in Reno, Nevada, meets Mariana at a bar one night. They become romantically involved and make plans to leave Reno together. However, Mariana's violent ex-husband has just been released from prison, and when he finds out about their relationship, he frames Duran for murder.

Why should I check this out? The Wrong Man is completely sung-through and it is bops on bops on bops. There is not a dull song in this show and the orchestrations (by Alex Lacamoire of Hamilton fame) are gorgeous. The choreography (by Travis Wall) is my favorite I have ever seen. Joshua Henry, Ciara Renée, and Ryan Vasquez can sing literally anything. This show also did something really unique where they had Ryan Vasquez play the role of Duran once or twice a week.

How can I watch this show? There is a video bootleg that is NFT until July 15th, but I can give you the master’s information if you’d like to purchase it now. Message me privately for audio. 

Can I buy the text? No.

Is there a cast recording? Not yet. We’ve gotten some hints that there may be one coming soon. You can listen to the concept album, but it’s quite different from the show and I’d recommend listening to the audio first. 

THE SCOTTSBORO BOYS

Play or musical? Musical.

What’s it about? The Scottsboro Boys is a musical with a book by David Thompson, music by John Kander and lyrics by Fred Ebb, based on the Scottsboro Boys trial.

Why should I check this out? The Scottsboro Boys is one of those shows that sounds like it wouldn’t work at all (and I think that unfortunately is most of the reason why it did so poorly on Broadway) but is actually brilliant. It is one of the sharpest, most poignant pieces of satire I’ve ever seen. The balance of comedy and the heartbreaking subject matter creates an incredibly powerful pieces of art. I saw a small regional production in a black box theater and it’s still one of my favorite things I’ve ever seen.

How can I watch this show? You may be able to catch this show at a regional theater. I think there may possibly be a bootleg, but I’m not sure if this is in circulation in any digital form. I don’t personally have audio of the show, but I’m sure it’s out there. There are some official clips on YouTube. 

Can I buy the text? I don’t think so.

Is there a cast recording? There is an Off-Broadway cast recording and a London cast recording

ANGELS IN AMERICA: A GAY FANTASIA ON NATIONAL THEMES

Play or musical? Play.

What’s it about? I know it is a bit crazy to be calling Angels in America underrated as it has been around forever and literally won the Tony, Drama Desk, and Pulitzer and the revival won the Tony, but I feel that it’s underrated on tumblr and among young people. Angels in America is a two-part play (individually titled Millennium Approaches and Perestroika) by Tony Kushner. It a complex, often metaphorical, and at times symbolic examination of AIDS and homosexuality in America in the 1980s. Certain major and minor characters are supernatural beings (angels) or deceased persons (ghosts). The play contains multiple roles for several of the actors. Initially and primarily focusing on a gay couple in Manhattan, the play also has several other storylines, some of which occasionally intersect.

Why should I check this out? The camp! The drama! The comedy! The devastation! The OG comedy featuring Mormons. Iconic monologues and dialogue. The entire play is about eight hours long, and I would have happily sat through it with no breaks. Nobody will ever write a more epic play. 

How can I watch this show? The most recent revival was filmed by the National Theatre when it was in London. I’m not sure if there’s a way to stream it online but I have a copy I can link you to. There’s also a Broadway revival bootleg. 

Can I buy the text? Yes.

Is there a cast recording? N/A

A STRANGE LOOP

Play or musical? Musical.

What’s it about? A Strange Loop is about an usher at The Lion King on Broadway who is also named Usher, who is writing a self-referential musical called A Strange Loop. Usher is an overweight, overwhelmed “ball of black confusion” trying to navigate without a compass the hierarchical white, black and gay worlds; his family’s religion, which condemns him for his sexuality; and an entertainment industry that isn’t interested in what he has to say. He’s also having an existential crisis as he deals with questions of reality, illusions, perceptions and identity. His biggest fear is that he’s stuck in an endless cycle of hopelessness where change is not possible.

Why should I check this out? It’s hard to talk about A Strange Loop with people who haven’t seen it because it is truly unlike any other show I have ever seen. It starts out seeming like a musical comedy about identity, but it gets more intense as the show goes on until you’re crying next to a stranger and wondering how the hell you even got there. It’s brilliant.

How can I watch this show? Unfortunately there is no video bootleg, but you can ask me for an audio. Some clips are available on YouTube.

Can I buy the text? No.

Is there a cast recording? Yes. I recommend reading this as you go along so the songs make more sense because they’re pretty wild out of context (they’re pretty equally as wild in context). 

SCHOOL GIRLS; OR, THE AFRICAN MEAN GIRLS PLAY

Play or musical? Play.

What’s it about? Paulina, the reigning queen bee at Ghana’s most exclusive boarding school, has her sights set on the Miss Global Universe pageant. But the arrival of Ericka, a new student with undeniable talent and beauty, captures the attention of the pageant recruiter—and Paulina’s hive-minded friends.

Why should I check this out? School Girls is one of the funniest plays I have ever seen. The writing is so smart, and the show deals with racism (both on an interpersonal and worldwide level), colorism, body image, sex and gender, class, and inequality.

How can I watch this show? PBS recently released the proshot on their website. I don’t have a ripped copy yet, so if anyone does have one please send it my way. Regional theaters have been doing this show as well.

Can I buy the text? Yes.

Is there a cast recording? N/A

13

Play or musical? Musical.

What’s it about? Following a move from New York City to small-town Indiana, young Evan Goldman grapples with his parents' divorce, prepares for his impending Bar Mitzvah, and navigates the complicated social circles of a new school.

Why should I check this out? It’s Jason Robert Brown, so the music slaps. It’s the only Broadway musical ever with a cast and band entirely made of teenagers. Plus it has baby Ariana Grande and Liz Gillies in their Broadway debuts. 13 walked so so many other musicals about teens could run.

How can I watch this show? There is a video bootleg that’s not hard to find. I’m sure there’s audio in circulation as well.

Can I buy the text? Yes.

Is there a cast recording? There is an Broadway cast recording and a West End cast recording

THE SECRET LIFE OF BEES

Play or musical? Musical.

What’s it about? Secret Life of Bees is a musical by Duncan Sheik and Lynn Nottage based on the novel of the same name. Haunted by memories of her late mother and abused by her father, 14-year-old Lily Owens runs away with her friend and caregiver Rosaleen to the South Carolina town that holds the key to her mother's past. There, Lily meets the Boatwright sisters, who take her in and teach her about beekeeping, honey, and the Black Madonna. Lily also discovers that the truth about her mother is closer than she thinks.

Why should I check this out? The music is so gorgeous. It’s one of my favorite Duncan Sheik scores. LaChanze is amazing at everything she does, and Elizabeth Teeter and Brett Gray are stars you need to be looking out for. 

How can I watch this show? There is no video bootleg. You can message me privately for an audio.

Can I buy the text? No.

Is there a cast recording? No, but I really wish there was.

AMERICAN PSYCHO

Play or musical? Musical.

What’s it about? American Psycho is based on the 1991 novel of the same name and written by Duncan Sheik and Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. In New York City in 1987, a handsome, young urban professional, Patrick Bateman, lives a second life as a gruesome serial killer by night. The cast is filled by the detective, the fiancée, the mistress, the coworker (Jared Leto), and the secretary. This is a biting, wry comedy examining the elements that make a man a monster.

Why should I check this out? Listen, I won’t lie to you. There is a reason this musical is underrated, and that reason is because it is not good. But I love it. The fun comes from the knowledge that this campy, ridiculous, obscenely bloody show was on Broadway (briefly). Duncan Sheik went off the rails and wrote a techno musical! How can you not love that! Benjamin Walker gives the performance of his career and he did it mostly in his underwear! Heléne Yorke creates a character so grating you find yourself begging Patrick to kill her! They somehow got Alice Ripley AND Jenn Damiano to do this shitshow! I will maintain until the day I die that nobody can top American Psycho’s act one closer. 

How can I watch this show? There are a couple of video bootlegs of the Broadway production, as well as some official clips on YouTube. I have an audio of the West End production that I can share.

Can I buy the text? No.

Is there a cast recording? There is tragically no Broadway cast recording, but there is a London cast recording. 

[fairiesandfishes]

Little Red: Into The Woods

Or perhaps, more aptly: Little Red: Into The Wolf

 Into The Woods is one of Stephen Sondheim’s most well-known and well-produced musicals. In this tale, the characters and plots of numerous different Brothers Grimm and Charles Perrault fairy tales are spun together to create a riveting and moving story. Many of the main characters in Into The Woods are taken from Rapunzel, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, and Jack and the Beanstalk. Originally, Into The Woods premiered on Broadway in 1987. If you never get the chance to see it in person (which I would highly recommend), there is a filmed version of the original Broadway cast (minus one original Snow White) available online.  

Into the Woods has Little Red Riding Hood and her famous Wolf as key players within the overarching story. For this blog, I’ll be focusing solely on Little Red’s arc in the show as is relatable to the Brothers Grimm version of the tale.

 To detail her story from Into The Woods: Little Red Riding Hood is a young, naïve, snarky, and selfish little girl. She is sent by her mother to town to buy bread and sweets from the baker, and then to bring those goods to her grandmother in the woods. Little Red pays the baker, but makes off with more than she paid for. It’s very funny in the show, but it sets an interesting tone for her character.

Little Red then heads into the forest and meets the Wolf. Little Red, in all her youthful naiveté, tells the Wolf her plans to meet her grandmother, which marks the beginning of her fall from innocence. In this version of the tale, the Wolf is a muscular, bipedal canine, wearing nothing but a long blue coat and the large amount of fur on his body. In the original 1987 Broadway production, the Wolf’s costume also features a wolfish penis and a large set of testicles swinging between his legs – a particularly unsubtle nod to the inherent sexuality the character of the Wolf has in some versions of the story, and something that most certainly did not make it into the Disney film adaptation. 

When The Wolf hears about Little Red’s plans for the day, he sings a song about how perfect, fair, plump, and delicious she looks. He also devises a plan wherein he can eat both Little Red and her grandmother, and convinces Little Red to take the long route to her grandmother’s house, where she picks flowers and eats most of the food meant for her grandmother. Due to the Wolf’s conniving instincts, Little Red takes the long path to her grandmother’s house, but the short path to her loss of innocence. https://youtu.be/kqCsQCsinK4?t=1091 (Into The Woods - Hello, Little Girl)

Now, due to the interconnectedness of the fairy tales within Into The Woods, this is where the plot heavily diverges from the Brothers Grimm version of the tale. On her way, the baker from before spies Little Red and her “cape as red as blood”. Because of an unfortunate curse from a witch (Rapunzel’s adoptive mother, actually) that causes the baker and his wife to be unable to have children, the baker desperately needs this cape so he can lift the curse. He steals it from her, but Little Red cries so much that our sympathetic baker gives it back.

After promptly smacking the baker in between his legs, Little Red arrives at her grandmother’s cottage only to find the door open. She tentatively heads into the building to find a very strange-looking version of her grandmother. Our caped crusader comments on the unnaturally large size of her “grandmother’s” ears, eyes, hands, and “terrible, big, wet” mouth, the final comment prompting the Wolf to throw off his disguise and devour Little Red whole. Satisfied with his meal, the Wolf falls asleep. 

After being painfully reminded by Little Red about his curse, the baker from earlier resolves to steal the cape from Little Red again, but this time for good. He rushes to the cottage, only to hear very loud snoring. He smartly guesses it is the Wolf so he grabs his knife and cuts open the Wolf’s stomach, freeing Little Red and her grandmother. Red’s grandmother, despite her age, feistily describes the way in which she is going to murder the Wolf, which is exactly the same as the method of murder from the Brothers Grimm story.

Little Red sings and reflects on her follies that lead her to the dark pit of the Wolf’s stomach. This song echoes much of the same message that Charles Perrault’s story had, including the details about how nice and gentlemanly the Wolf seemed. Unlike Perrault’s version, Little Red actually lives to grow from this lesson. Little Red also echoes much that would be in favor of a psychoanalytic approach to the story. She sings about how the Wolf showed her things she had never seen before, which was exhilarating, but also incredibly frightening. This adds onto Little Red’s overall theme in the show, which is a loss of innocence. Much of the song points to the Wolf being Little Red’s first sexual experience, which is further corroborated by the earlier sexual imagery of the Wolf’s appearance. Watch the song – it’s excellent, and includes one of my favorite lines from the show, which is that “Nice is different than good.” https://youtu.be/kqCsQCsinK4?t=1910 (Into The Woods - I Know Things Now)

Now, how does the Brothers Grimm version of Little Red Riding Hood match up to the one concocted by Stephen Sondheim? In all honesty, surprisingly well. We have the mother’s warning, the Wolf’s seduction, the fatherly male savior, and one alive, yet probably traumatized, Little Red. The main differences are how overtly the sexuality is displayed and how the moral is Perrault’s. In the Brothers Grimm version, the sexuality is much more subtle than even Perrault’s tale. In this version, the sexuality is out in full swing, particularly between the Wolf’s legs. What I find most interesting is that, despite having the arc of her story and many of the details be exactly the same the Brothers Grimm version, it is Perrault’s moral of distrusting those who display themselves as kindly gentlemen that survive. The Grimm’s moral of obeying one’s parents is hardly there, although present, and instead we hear Little Red sing that the Wolf “seemed so nice”, so she believed and listened to him.

The version of Little Red’s story we see here has interesting things to say if peered at through a psychoanalytic lens. Later into the show, we meet Little Red again, but this time she is wearing a wolfskin coat and brandishes a knife. Now, I don’t know if you know this, but in Freudian psychology, a knife often symbolizes a phallus, and sometimes in a sexually aggressive light. Now, I apologize for this sentence, dear reader, but a Freudian analysis demands it: in Into The Woods, Little Red grows her own penis. In other, less awful words, Little Red gains power and the ability to choose her own sexual experiences, as opposed to being naively lead into them. She also carries along with her the literal skin of someone who tricked her, displaying how she triumphed over a trickster and has learned from the experience.

One other interesting facet of this story, and particularly Little Red’s song, is that she was thrilled by the experience she had with the Wolf. She even goes as far to say that it is nice to know so many new things, although she does quickly backtrack to say that it’s a little unfortunate to have all the knowledge, too. This somewhat favors a common psychoanalytic take on the story, which is that Little Red wanted to be seduced by the wolf. Personally, I’m unsure if that analysis is applicable to the Into The Woods version of her story, though it does fit in well with the theme of a loss of innocence. I prefer to say that Little Red didn’t really lose her innocence; instead, she gained knowledge and capability. And anyway, I’ve always had somewhat of an issue with a psychoanalytic approach to the story. If you aren’t careful, if sounds like you’re excusing sexual assault, and it goes without saying that that’s a pretty awful thing to do. Freud, whose ideas I have been using as an analytical tool, has a history of saying that those who experienced sexual assault (from adults, generally parents) as children imagined it as an oedipal fantasy, entirely disregarding the trauma that his patients had been through.

In all honesty - I don’t know what the intended message of this iteration of Little Red’s story is. It combines both Perrault’s rape allegory and the Grimm Brother’s moral of listening to authority and learning from your mistakes into a bit of a confusing message. In the end, I do find it comforting: Little Red knows how to protect herself, and she is assured in who she is. 

That’s the show and the comparison, and a touch of psychoanalytic psychosis for you. Thanks for reading! Additionally, if you’d like to see the REST of Into The Woods, you can find it here in all it’s 1987 glory. Personally, I don’t know what to think about this version, but it is pretty famous. Nothing like a good live production of it, in my opinion. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqCsQCsinK4 (Into The Woods - full 1987 Broadway version)

[freddiesaysalright]

My Man

A BenHardy!Roger Taylor x Reader Fic Part II

Summary: Reader is a Broadway actress currently starring in a West End production of Funny Girl. She’s a widow, thanks to the Vietnam War, but it’s a well-kept secret. She also wants everyone to think she doesn’t care for rock music. She meets Roger Taylor when he brings his date backstage. 

Word Count: 1.8K (it’s shorter but there’s more progress this time, I swear)

Tag List: @bohemian-war if anyone else would like to be tagged, let me know!!!

Part I

Part II here we go!!!

You lay awake that night contemplating Roger. His bandmates really made him more tolerable to be around. When he just brought his dates to your dressing room, you thought he was coarse and conceited, but with the rest of Queen in the room, he helped you with your jacket and then offered to walk you home like a gentleman. Just who was he? Which was the true Roger? Were either of them the true Roger?

With a sigh, you rolled onto your side and looked at the clock. It was well past two in the morning. Sleep eluded you once again. It always made you thankful your job was in the evenings. Working a typical nine to five would have killed you since your depression kept you awake when the night was as dark as your thoughts.

Every book and article told you to take moments like this to call someone. But who would be there for you? Your parents hadn’t spoken to you in nearly a decade. Your friends back home only made it worse. All of them still had their husbands, and most of them had children now. It was only a harsh reminder of what was taken from you. They were supportive, but they just didn’t understand a bit of what you were going through.

Forgoing sleep, you threw the covers off yourself and got out of bed. You padded out to the kitchen and opened your fridge. An unfinished bottle chardonnay sat front and center on the shelf, and you grabbed it by the neck. You yanked the cork out and took a swig. With a snicker, you thought of what your mother might say if she saw you now. Her proper little lady drinking wine out of the bottle and living on her own without a chaperone or a husband.

You took a couple gulps.

You stumbled a bit making your way over the couch. You switched on you TV and surfed through the basic channels. A late night re-run caught your eye. It was a fucking Queen performance they had done a couple years ago. Rolling your eyes, you downed the remainder of the wine. Your head began to swim as you realized this much wine was a mistake when you hadn’t eaten since the previous morning.

“Ugh,” you groaned. The camera panned to Brian and then Roger. You looked upward and addressed the heavens. “You’ve got a really awful sense of humor.”

Irritated, you smashed the power button and turned it off. Roger Taylor was just another man. Why was the universe forcing him on you?

That afternoon, you walked into your dressing room knowing you looked hungover. You had come across a bottle of vodka after the wine and drank a large portion of that as well to get Roger Taylor off your mind. It worked, but it cost you.

“You look terrible, Y/N,” Gary said as you shrugged your coat off.

“Get bent,” you returned.

“Rough night?” he asked, ignoring your rudeness.

“I had a normal night,” you said. “I just added some wine...and some liquor. Leave me alone.”

“You sure a certain drummer didn’t keep you up?” he teased.

“Gary, I’m gonna lose my shit on you.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “Don’t bite my head off, girl.”

“Do not call me girl.”

“You are a girl,” he said. “You’re Funny Girl Fanny Brice and if you don’t start acting like it I’m calling your understudy.”

You flashed him a sarcastic smile.

“That’ll do for now. I need you on stage in ten minutes for warm ups.”

He smiled and wiggled his fingers at you on his way out the door. You took a seat in front the mirror, taking your ring off, and retrieving your makeup. You put it on carefully, thankful for something to focus on.

When showtime came and the curtain went up, you flipped the switch in your brain to be your actress persona. You became Fanny once again and were relieved that for a few hours, you could be someone other than you. You could escape inside her each night. When you were Fanny, you were free.

But then it ended. The curtain fell, the lights dimmed, and Fanny was just a character on a page. The real world snatched you back into its cruel clutches. After taking your bows, you returned to your dressing room.

You changed for the party Freddie invited you to, suddenly considering blowing it off. What could be gained by going? Feeling more lonely than ever in a house full of people? More infuriating confrontations with Roger? What was the point?

Well, you did really like Freddie. He was awfully sweet to you and it was kind of him to invite you at all. A lot of people would kill for an invitation like that. Sighing, you changed into your jumpsuit and heels. As you headed out the door, you felt your nerves start up. Then you remembered what George used to tell you when you were feeling insecure.

You’re a goddess, baby. They just can’t handle your light.

Smiling to yourself, you stood a little taller as you walked out. That was what you’d always loved about George. He made you shine.

When you arrived at Freddie’s home, you didn’t let it intimidate you. You knocked on the door and a man you didn’t recognize answered.

“Can I help you?” he asked in a thick Irish accent.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N,” you told him. “Mr. Mercury invited me over.”

“Did he now?” the man returned, skeptically.

“Uh, yes,” you said, annoyed now. “Why are you being such a di - ”

“Y/N!” Freddie’s cry cut across you. “Step out of her way, Paul, she’s a friend.”

The man named Paul obeyed and you stuck your tongue out at him while Freddie’s back was turned. When he faced you again, he pulled you into a hug.

“It’s wonderful to see you, darling,” he said. “How’d it go tonight?”

“Same as always,” you told him.

“Well then it was fucking fabulous, wasn’t it?” he said with a grin.

You beamed back. “It was, Mr. Mercury, thank you.”

“What would you like to drink?”

“Beer is fine.”

He had someone bring it to you, and you thanked them. You followed Freddie to another room where you saw the rest of the band. Brian and John both had dates, but Roger had two women with him - one on each side. You fought a brutal urge to roll your eyes. Freddie disappeared to the beckoning of another guest, so you made your way over to the familiar faces.

“Evening, gentlemen,” you greeted. “May I join you?”

“By all means,” Brian said, pulling up a chair.

“Thank you, Mr. May,” you said, taking a seat.

You chatted with them for a bit. It was nice to interact with people, even though you had been scared before. The women there were also friendly. You felt normal for a little while.

After about a half an hour, a slow song came on over the speakers. Roger locked eyes with you and smiled. He got up and offered you his hand.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked. “That is if your husband doesn’t mind.”

He pointed to a man in the corner, dancing wildly by himself. You laughed.

“Not my husband,” you said, taking Roger’s hand.

He led you out where there was some room and then placed one hand politely on your waist. You swayed with him for a moment, keeping a safe distance between you. The other couples were almost completely engulfed in each other.

“So, where is your husband this evening?” he asked.

You swallowed. “He couldn’t make it.”

“Awfully elusive, isn’t he?” he remarked.

“I guess you could say that,” you returned, looking down.

He took your chin in his thumb and forefinger and lifted your eyes to his. “Everything alright?”

You nodded, shaking him off. “Of course.”

A few beats of silence passed between you before you spoke again. “I didn’t take you for much of a dancer, Mr. Taylor.”

“I’m not usually,” he said. “But I have a weakness for a beautiful partner.”

“You had one,” you replied, not taking the bait. “Two, in fact.”

“Are you jealous?”

“You’re an infant.”

He laughed. “There she is.”

“Perhaps you were guessing who might be the best dancer,” you joked.

“Would that be you?” he asked.

“I am a classically trained ballroom dancer, Mr. Taylor,” you said, and it was true. “I know the foxtrot, the waltz, quickstep, et cetera, et cetera. And when I started doing musicals I learned to tap as well.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Is it about dance?”

He chuckled. “Fascinating as your resume is, that’s not what I’m after.”

“What can I help you with then, Mr. Taylor?”

“That’s what I’m asking about. You can call me Roger, you know. What’s with all the formality?”

That was a difficult question to answer. Your upbringing was so rooted in you in some ways. And calling a man who was not you husband by his given name was something you always struggled with. Especially when you didn’t know him very well. How could you explain the conservative brainwashing you’d received as a child?

“I was just raised that way,” you said. “Some habits are hard to break.”

“It just makes you sound like you’re in a Jane Austen novel,” he said.”

“Have you even read a Jane Austen novel?”

“Course I have, I went to university, didn’t I?”

“I didn’t ask if you were assigned Jane Austen. I asked if you actually read it.”

“For your information, I did,” he said with a self-satisfied smirk.

“Which one?” you wondered.

“Pride and Prejudice,” he said.

“Naturally.”

You paused again.

“Can I ask you something now?” you put forth.

“Fire it off.”

“How come you wanted to see me again? Mr. Mercury said you couldn’t stop talking about me. But I was really rude to you.”

“The first time, I didn’t want to see you again,” he admitted. “But then Jackie kept talking about how glamorous it was and - like I told you - we had a wonderful night together. I figured I’d give it another go even if you did annoy me. When you talked about your husband, you seemed more human. It made me think of Pride and Prejudice, actually.”

“You think I’m Lizzie Bennet?”

He shook his head. “No, I think you’re Mr. Darcy.”

Your mouth dropped and you stopped moving. “You think I’m Mr. Darcy?! Why?!”

“Because you’re rude but in a way that tells me there’s something deeper,” he explained with a chuckle. “And I think it’s got something to do with that missing husband of yours.”

He moved to begin dancing with you again, but you dodged his arm, looking away.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he said. “I was only joking.”

“No, you weren’t,” you replied. “I’m sorry too, it’s just...it’s complicated.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Something like that.”

You bit your lip as you looked toward the door. “I should go,” you said before meeting his eyes just once more. “Good night, Mr. Taylor.”

You left before he could say any more.

[therachelperspective]

BOOKS | Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

[[&]]  Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I’ve always liked Mindy Kaling. I didn’t watch the American version of The Office (I know, what is WRONG with me?!)... I would sometimes watch The Mindy Project reruns in the middle of the night many years ago... but not once would I say that I actually followed her career enough to take interest in her memoirs. But alas, I liked Mindy and I found myself with her memoirs on my bookshelves. Thanks to this ever so lovely situation the world has found itself in, I’ve finally made it around to reading them (along with many others that have been lingering in my TBR pile).

At first, I was going to write about Mindy’s books separately as I would a normal review on here, but after finishing them both, I think writing about them together is really for the best. They are such extensions of each other, of which I would probably make the same commentary about them both anyway. So their discussions here are joint. 

When I started Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, my hopes were high. I even jotted down a note that, forty pages in, so much of what she has discussed has been similar or has outright matched some of my same experiences and I loved it. And really, that statement did hold true for both IEHOWM? (it’s such a long title, you guys!) and Why Not Me? – I finally found a celebrity that I can say I really relate to, who shared the same struggles and exploits as me in our young adult lives. Furthermore, I also wrote a note saying that Mindy has a unique humor in both her acting and this (her first) book that I enjoyed. Plus, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t love the adorable photos of baby Mindy scattered throughout EIHOWM.

But I think, sadly, everything was short-lived.

I completely understand that Mindy’s career is rooted in comedy and that’s how she built a name for herself. In her early years, she and a friend created and starred in their own Off-Broadway production (about Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, no less) that gained quite the audience during its run. She then became a writer for The Office, then a star of the The Office, and well... so on and so forth, the rest is history. But I read non-fiction novels to learn more about people and his/her inner thoughts amidst stories of their life. That did happen with Mindy, but those peeks into her childhood, teens, and twenties were scattered throughout some pretty unnecessary chapters and what I perceive to be Mindy trying too hard to be funny. If I wanted fictitious ramblings, I would have just read a fiction novel. Not once did I feel that, for example, an entire chapter about fictional revenge stories that she concocts during her workouts had a place in her first book. Nor did I feel a good chunk of the second novel required fabricated emails (that were waaayyyy too thought out) between her and her imaginary coworkers she created had she lived another life and hypothetically become a Latin teacher at a private school. And – though it is known that I love a good list – she also included list upon list about the most random of topics (i.e. in IEHOWM? she included two pages worth of different iterations and levels of “chubby” people. Yeah Mindy is bigger than the average actress, but come on). In my mind, these books would have been a lot shorter had all the bullshit been removed. During Why Not Me? I literally wrote down the fact that, at some point during both of these books, I made it a point to read more quickly/more often, just to get them over with.

What became even more disappointing to me as I continued to read through these books was that... much of Mindy’s view of “comedy” was actually in poor taste. Granted these books were published in 2011 and 2015 respectively, and maybe had I read them back then I would have flew right past some of her commentary without a second glance. But in the here and now, in 2020, a lot of her comedic jabs left a bad taste in my mouth. In IEHOWM?, during a discussion about the people in New York City, while I find it perfectly fine that she says most people “function daily while in a low grade depression” because that’s at least mildly true, thirty-something pages later she makes a comment about how people with depression are “boring” and “tedious to deal with.” Maybe I didn’t enjoy this because I myself deal with some level of depression and always have a fear that I’m bothering people... but regardless, I still would not find those statements in the least bit comical. To further illustrate, when Mindy was on a “Curvy Celebs We Adore!” list and was smaller than the others included, she called the other female celebrities “porkers” and in more or less terms said how dare she be lumped in with these women on a list. And lastly, in a chapter about her characteristic requests for a boyfriend, she says she thinks she should date an older man, because they are more secure and have the immaturity out of their systems. She then, however, continues by saying that she doesn’t care if that man has kids, as long as those kids are away at college and (direct quote) “his wife is dead.” I believe my literal thoughts here were “WTF?!?!?!?!?!?” and I just really... lost interest, but continued reading just to finish the book (thankfully this was towards the end). Don’t even get me started on that Dartmouth’s 2018 commencement speech she gave, included in Why Not Me?

Despite everything I just said... I still enjoy Mindy, I do. I just can’t bring myself to fully disregard her. Even though she is roughly a size 8 to 10, she is still a better visual representation of the average woman in her roles that viewers find more relatable (though she made another ridiculous comment in Why Not Me? about how she does try to conform to societal norms of beauty but she just isn’t successful at it). Likewise, the character of Mindy Lahiri also does so much to showcase a professionally successful woman (and even more, a woman of color) at the helm of The Mindy Project. All of this is similarly what Mindy herself does as a whole in the industry – she is praised comedienne in (let’s face it) what has always been a male dominated field. It is because of her depictions and stature, as well as the undeniable similarities in our life narratives, that I can’t help but maintain a fondness for Mindy Kaling. Now it’s just... slightly subdued.

I have pages of quotes that prove that she does scatter her novels with solid advice and insight. But on paper, I mostly find that Mindy tries too hard and blabbers too much for my palate. There’s being funny, and then there’s taking it too far. Maybe because I read them back to back, it was just all beyond me. I just had a hard time getting past some of it. So they’re just another set of books that finally made their way out of the TBR pile and into “try and sell online for spare cash” pile. It is what it is.

[love-little-lotte]

POTO Manila 2019 Experience

I crossed one thing off my bucket list last March 2, 2019. 

Finally, finally, finally. I finally got the chance to witness my all-time favorite musical, The Phantom of the Opera, live. Anyone who really knows me knows that I am totally in love with this show. 

I first learned about the existence of POTO when I was 10, when I first read an abridged version of the Gaston Leroux novel. Then I watched the 2004 film, starring Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum. Ever since then, I fell in love with the musical. I listened to the Original London Cast, with Michael Crawford, Sarah Brightman, and Steve Barton. I watched the 25th anniversary, with Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess. I streamed countless YouTube videos. I wrote down the lyrics, memorized them by heart, and sang along even though I couldn’t reach the high notes, not for the life of me. 

POTO became one of my passions, and (yes it sounds cheesy AF) also helped me become the person who I am today. It’s not my first musical (family friendly The Sound of Music is my first because my mom plays the Julie Andrews movie all the time), but it opened my obsession to musical theatre. Through POTO, I got to learn more about Broadway, theatre, and musicals. 

I have my brother to thank for this wonderful experience. This was meant to be a birthday and graduation present all rolled into one. And it’s actually the best present I’ve ever received. Not only did he pay for all of my expenses, he also accompanied me and took my pictures! Shoutout to him for making one of my major dreams come true.

This was taken on our way to the theatre. It was a one-show day, and the play was going to start at 2:30 PM. I heard from my friend (who already saw the previews) told me I should be there as early as possible so I can take a lot of pictures before most of the audience arrive. And since I want to take as many photos as I can, my brother and I left our hotel as early as 12 noon. 

I was so excited I even took a photo of the theatre while we were in the car. My heart was pounding the entire time. My head was reeling. I still couldn’t believe I was there. It felt like a dream I had before. And believe me when I say I dreamt a lot for this moment. 

When we got closer to the theatre, I saw a big poster just right outside. I gave out an excited squeal. “I got to take a picture of that!” I told my brother. 

And so I did. 

Before entering, we noticed there was some Phantom stuff just right outside by the entrance. Aside from the make-up closet (which is self-explanatory), I didn’t know what was inside of the rest of the boxes but I still took some photos nonetheless. I still had a lot of energy around this time. 

This was by the entrance: some posters of the musical productions that toured in Manila before. (From left to right: Chicago, Singin’ in the Rain, Les Misérables, Wicked, West Side Story, and The Sound of Music)

After entering the building, I saw this amazing backdrop and of course, immediately posed in front of it......

.....only to learn the words “The Phantom of the Opera” were cropped so I told my brother we had to go back so we can take a proper picture again. 

And there we go. 

We went to the second floor afterwards, which was where the theatre was located. And this was when the “taking of photos” spree began. 

Exhibit A: Mask, roses, and candelabras. Yep, that’s the whole show right there. 

I’m kind of bummed that they didn’t really have a photoshoot for the World Tour. I mean it’s nice to see Kelly Matheison from the West End cast because she’s adorable and gorgeous, but I would love to see some Meghan Picerno HD posters too. 

Don’t mind me, I’m just posing here with the POTO posters. 

Exhibit B: Ah love this shiny, sparkly mask. Yes, the pic is sadly a bit blurry. 

Exhibit C: My brother told me to go sit down on the floor and pretend to be Christine, but there was no way I’m doing that with that dress. I wanted to put on the cloak and the mask, but decided I should go with the rose instead. 

Exhibit D: “Look at yourself in the mirror, I am there inside!” This is my favorite picture, which also refers to my favorite part in the musical. 

Exhibit E: Yeah at this point I was running out of poses. Standing and smiling at the camera was getting boring. 

Oh, and would you look at this! A production of Cats in November 2019, starring Joanna Ampil! Isn’t that amazing? She’s one of my favorite theatre actresses and I would kill to see her sing Memory live.

Anyway, what’s up with the Philippines and Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals?

Yeah, what is up with Andrew Lloyd Webber and the Philippines? We just can’t get enough of it. I’d definitely want to watch Love Never Dies when it comes to Manila, even though I’m not such a big fan of the story. The music is brilliant, as well as the sets and costumes. Can we please have Meghan Picerno as Christine Daaé in this production once again? (And maybe throw in Jonathan Roxmouth, too, cause people love him so much here.)

At this point, my brother already left me. He went back to the hotel while I sat on one of the couches, waiting for the theatre to let the audience in. I took a selfie with the brochure. I thought we were all given a program for free, but it turns out you still have to buy them in the gift shop. 

Yay! I’m finally inside. I was in the second row, which was very thrilling, especially since the chandelier was really close to me. I couldn’t wait for it to fall down at the end of Act 1!

Sadly, this is the only picture I had inside the theatre. I was so busy taking it all in that I forgot to take a selfie or something. I still couldn’t believe I was there.

I cried as soon as the overture began to play. There are three possible reasons why I did so: one, I can’t believe I’m really here; two, the music was so beautiful, and three, the light from the chandelier made my eyes hurt lol. But, whatever the reason was, I assure you, there were some tears.

My first genuine cry was during The Mirror scene, when the Phantom showed himself in the mirror. It’s just a super iconic scene, and truly one of my favorites.

But the major highlight for me was Masquerade. Sure, I was expecting myself to cry during All I Ask of You (Reprise) or the Final Lair, but Masquerade overwhelmed me. The costumes were amazing up close! I’ve mentioned a lot of times before that POTO costumes are my favorite things ever. The intricately-designed Elissa dress, the fan-favorite Wishing dress, the iconic white robe, and of course, my personal favorite Aminta dress.

But the costumes during Masquerade was the highlight. I didn’t know where to look because I want to take it all in! The ensemble were great, too, and there was just a big fat stupid grin on my face the whole time.

You know, live theatre isn’t that perfect. I can hear the whirring of the machines as they change the backdrop and their heels clicking loudly onstage. I see them spit at each other’s faces. But damn it, it was beautiful. It’s raw and real, which is what theatre is all about. 

Sorry for the bad angle haha. This was the cast I saw my first POTO production and I’m eternally grateful at them for giving me a performance to remember. I was just so excited to see that I’m going to watch Jonathan Roxmouth and Meghan Picerno! I’ve seen a lot of videos of them rehearsing, and they both sounded heavenly. I was grinning from ear-to-ear.

Jonathan Roxmouth didn’t fail me. His voice was soft and angelic, and he truly embodied the Angel of Music. I got chills during The Mirror scene, as soon as he sang the words, “Insolent boy!” His Music of the Night was a spectacle, and his height difference with Meghan Picerno also helped. I don’t know why, but I really love it when the Phantom’s a great taller than Christine. Meghan only reached Jonathan’s chest, so their iconic “hug” scene during MoTN looked really good. He also glanced at me during All I Ask of You (Reprise) as he sang the words, “You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asked of you!” So that truly “made my night.”

Jonathan also scared the crap out of me during the Final Lair. He was truly menacing and just plain scary. I love scary Phantoms, and he definitely delivered! When he said the line, “You try my patience! Make your choice”, he put his face really close to Meghan, and I could definitely see him seethe angrily at her.

But he gained my sympathy in the last part when he started singing Masquerade to the music box. At that point, I was crying my eyes out already. I hope the people in my row didn’t judge me too harshly! No matter how many times I’ve seen POTO, I always cry during the Masquerade reprise.

On a side note, Jonathan’s really adorable in the curtain call. He made a Korean heart sign just after he bowed. Korean culture is really popular in the Philippines for some reason, and he earned a lot of laughs and claps from the audience when he did so.

Meghan Picerno, on the other hand, was the sweetest and sympathetic Christine ever. Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch since she’s the first Christine I saw live, and I’m a bit biased. Her crystal-clear vocals also didn’t fail. I’ve seen videos of her in Love Never Dies, and she was amazing there. Her Think of Me was just so pure, and her Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again made me teary eyed.

Meghan carried herself well. Not only was she a darling and innocent Christine, but she was also a fierce one too. During the Final Lair, when she said the words, “This haunted face holds no horror for me now, it’s in your soul that the true distortion lies”, her expression was not scared or anything. I just love that she could project a lot of emotions from Christine, and not only stick to one.

She also shared good chemistry with Jonathan Roxmouth, especially during The Point of No Return. The sexual tension between the Phantom and Christine was undeniable. The way they touched each other, even caressed each other in that scene was so, so, so good. It’s definitely one of the main highlights of the show for me.

And, of course, Matt Leisy was a darling Raoul. Just like his co-stars, his vocals were heavenly. His All I Ask of You is plain sweet. The way he hugged and twirled Christine at the end part of the song was also a major highlight for me. Also, he was very attentive to Christine, and he was protective of her - some important qualities that Raoul should have. In the Il Muto scene, when Christine started getting nervous that the Phantom was watching over her, I can’t help looking at Matt because he was so undeniably concerned and protective of her. And during Twisted Every Way, he was demanding, but at the same time, very considering.

Matt also worked well alongside Meghan. They balance well with each other. As a matter of fact, the three of them are great together. It’s obvious that they’re comfortable with each other onstage. The Final Lair was so thrilling, and it’s all thanks to them. I’m so happy that they get to be my first POTO Big 3.

Overall, the ensemble was great! I love them so much, and I’m extremely honored that I had them as my first ever POTO cast.

Also, bought two souvenirs from the gift shop! A really cute necklace (which costs 1,500 PHP/28.75 USD) and a tote bag (800 PHP/15.33 USD). I wanted to buy the charm bracelet, too, but I feel like I’m going to have more fun with the necklace, compared to it. 

And there you have it! This was an extremely long post, but I want to immortalize my first POTO experience. I’m still in cloud nine, even though it has been almost three days now. It’s truly an experience I will never forget.

[leepace71]

LEE PACE AND HIS NEIGHBOR, JESSICA LANGE, CATCH UP ABOUT WILD FANS, THE WILDERNESS OF EMPTY HOTEL ROOMS, AND NATURE ITSELF

The first time I met Lee Pace, we were outside, next to the East River in Brooklyn, and I was a little stoned. We had just been introduced through a mutual friend, and within minutes of speaking to one another, he invited me up to “the farm,” a country house with five fireplaces, about two hours north of the city. The farm has played an important role in Pace’s life, offering him a retreat from Hollywood, but also purpose; there, with his own hands, he built a rustic barn, in which he lived until he bought the property adjacent to his from his then-neighbor, the two-time Oscar-winning actor Jessica Lange.

It makes sense that Pace feels at home outside of the city; the actor, now 40, was born in the small town of Chickasha, Oklahoma. He gained a modest, albeit devoted following by appearing on two beloved but short-lived TV series: Wonderfalls, in 2004, and, three years later, Pushing Daisies. His star, however, shot into a whole other orbit beginning in 2012, when he joined what seemed like every franchise at the time by starring in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2, all three of the films in The Hobbit series, and Guardians of the Galaxy—as the hooded, blue-faced villain Ronan the Accuser. His recent role as the closeted Mormon Joe Pitt in the Broadway revival of Angels in America was magically exhausting and eloquent, and it coincided with a public truth of his own—or, as a headline in The New York Times put it, “Lee Pace Came Out Seven Times a Week. Then He Came Out for Real.”

The actor’s two upcoming projects reemphasize his dual—perhaps dueling—interests in entertainment and art: He reprises his role as Ronan this spring in Captain Marvel and, later this summer, he’ll play John DeLorean, opposite Jason Sudeikis, in Driven, a biopic about the controversy-courting automobile tycoon. In anticipation of both films, Pace invited Lange to his apartment in New York’s West Village to talk about moviemaking, marketing, and, yes, the farm. She did a slight twirl upon entering the main room and, as one might expect from the queen of elevated shade, said, “Not bad, Lee—for a pied-à-terre.” —NICK HARAMIS

———

LANGE: Should we jump into acting?

PACE: Let’s start with the farm.

LANGE: I remember the first time I saw you, I had walked down to the pond and I looked across, and I saw somebody in that next field over there to the right. And I thought, “Fuck, I’m going to have a neighbor.” But then it turned out to be you, and that was swell.

PACE: I can’t imagine what you saw because those first few times, I was camping out there in a tent to try to figure out where I was going to build a house. I remember that first night, it was about four o’clock and it must have been early March or something. I had made camp, but I didn’t have enough time to make a fire before it got dark. I got into the tent, and I opened up my roast beef sandwich and start eating it, and then all around the quarry I heard the coyotes. I swear I heard one of them sniff the tent just right outside that nylon. So I made a ton of noise and ran back to the car.

LANGE: The land up there is haunted, but beautiful.

PACE: One of the things I’m most proud of is building that old frame out of raw timber on the edge of the woods. Then, right before Thanksgiving, I got a bunch of my friends together to push it up.

LANGE: It was like an old Amish barn raising. I remember because Sarah Paulson was staying up with me that weekend. I baked a pie and walked across the field with it wrapped in a linen basket, thinking, “This is something from another time.”

PACE: That farm has become such a big part of my life.

LANGE: As an actor, most of the time you’re staying in a hotel room in some strange city somewhere.

PACE: I do love seeing the world, and being in those hotel rooms. It’s such an incredible thing playing a character all day, and then at night you go home to this hotel and you wake up in the morning and you don’t quite know where you are.

LANGE: I think the part of it I’ve loved the most, and the part that’s been most difficult, is that nomadic life. When my kids were little, we were like a caravan. We moved dogs, birds, cats, kids, tutors—and that was great. But when you’re by yourself doing it, it’s incredibly lonely. Being an actor is an inherently lonely life.

PACE: It really is, isn’t it? It’s kind of disorienting in that way. It’s like having this sheet of thick glass between you and everyone else.

LANGE: Do you think in some way actors are already lonely people, who are then drawn to this life more than others?

PACE: There must be something.

LANGE: That and a traumatic childhood make a good actor.

PACE: Check.

LANGE: Tell me about Captain Marvel.

PACE: I’ve never read the script. I was doing Angels in America when I shot it.

LANGE: How in the hell did you do that?

PACE: That whole time of my life was insanity, so it just added to it. I basically did a matinee on Sunday, flew out to L.A., got painted blue, and put on a costume. Then I stood in front of a blue screen, and they’re like, “Okay, there’s a hologram in front of you and they’re saying this.” It’s so surreal in a way. I did two days of that, and then I was back onstage playing Joe Pitt in Angels in America.

LANGE: Well, that kind of covers acting A to Z, doesn’t it?

PACE: So many people see those movies and they entertain so many people, and I guess I’m an entertainer, so I embrace that. But if I’m being honest, it’s disorienting.

LANGE: When you were in Angels in America, you stepped in for another actor, right?

PACE: Yes, they had rehearsed it and had a whole run in England, so when they brought it back to Broadway, I was the only one who was new, so I was playing catch-up. As with all big experiences, life informs the situation, and it informed the interpretation of the character. When I read the play in high school, I understood this cognitive dissonance of Joe feeling like an alien in a world full of humans. I wanted to advocate for his point of view, because as a queer person, I’m seeing everyone behave as human and I feel like I’m painted blue. And the character really just goes through hell. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done because there was no pulling the punch going onstage. I was terrified about it every day, about walking through those shoes in that public way, because the character has just stripped off his skin.

LANGE: Sometimes those are the best acting moments, don’t you think? It confirms all the reasons why we do this. Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but in that production your performance was by far the most moving.

PACE: That means so much to me. I just felt so cooked by it, do you know what I mean? I think Tony [Kushner] knew it was coming to me, because I ran into him in Provincetown and he was like, “Hey, would you consider doing this?” I think he knew it was coming, and I’m glad I didn’t know.

LANGE: You don’t have to answer this, but how does it feel when there’s a certain discord—and I’m putting it lightly—with an actor opposite you. How do you find your way around that?

PACE: Well, I guess you’ve just got to show up for that first moment, right? You make your entrance, and that’s all I could do, really. I had to love this woman deeply, profoundly, unconditionally, and I did not. But the play does the work, really. Some nights, it hit such beautiful notes. Then there were times when I would look across at her, and I was like, “This isn’t the play we’re doing. You’re angry at someone else right now.” But there’s no redoing it, so yeah.

LANGE: This summer you’re going to star in a film as John DeLorean. How is playing an actual person different than playing a fictional character?

PACE: I love playing real people. You just get so much more color. The thing that was so fun about learning about John DeLorean is that no one has the same story about him. He left such different impressions on everyone he came into contact with. There are people who thought he was a visionary of a certain time. There are people who thought he was a crook.

LANGE: What ever happened with that car company of his?

PACE: There was this whole house of cards where he needed money to keep the business running, and so he got involved in a coke deal. But the FBI was setting him up, and they got video of the whole thing.

LANGE: If you could play anyone in the world, who would it be?

PACE: Putin? Trump? Let’s stick to mega-villains. I don’t know. I want to work with a good director who will pick for me.

LANGE: Is there a part you want to do onstage again?

PACE: I’m not 25 anymore, but I would love to have played Romeo. That’s a character I find so interesting and contradictory. I would also like to play Uncle Vanya. I think I could still play him.

LANGE: I think you could, too.

PACE: I can’t wait to get onstage again.

LANGE: I’ve found that with series, you get to have longer to develop a character. For all the disadvantages of doing a series, that’s one advantage.

PACE: There’s also the writers. I loved our writers on Halt and Catch Fire, because they watched us and saw things in us that they brought out of the character.

LANGE: They see you and know your strong points.

PACE: I think the writers in our room were like, “He’s going to hate this,” because my character gets dragged through hell. For the first few seasons, I was like, “This isn’t fair.”

LANGE: How much do you think an actor owes his fans? Is that even part of the way you think?

PACE: I think that’s a very contemporary view. Social media creates this call-out culture where people can view something as being problematic. But I don’t really consume a lot of media, so I don’t really pay attention to it much.

LANGE: Do you have—what are those sites called? Twitter?

PACE: I have Instagram. But it’s not really the media outlets on it that I find interesting. I just find cool people doing interesting stuff. To be honest, I look at very dumb memes.

LANGE: What’s a funny anecdote you remember from a fan approaching you?

PACE: I once went up to the farm—this was after I bought your house—and I saw this rotting bag of dumplings outside, along with a ticket to Shen Yun. Do you know that Chinese dance?

LANGE: Yes.

PACE: And there was a note that said, “I know you like dumplings, please come with me to Shen Yun. I’ll be waiting with a ticket for you. By the way, you have a beautiful farm.” [Laughs] I’m so grateful that people like the work that I do and that they respond to it. Twenty years ago, I never would have dreamed that people would have felt strongly about the work that I do. But one of the lessons I learned playing that role in Angels in America is that approval is really not what it’s about. Understanding is what it’s about.

LANGE: I’m so far outside the realm of social media, but from what I’ve heard people say, your presence—or following, or whatever—now adds to your bankability. It’s insane. I passed by somebody on the street today who was talking on her phone, and she said that she had 20 million followers.

PACE: I wonder who has the most. Would it be Selena Gomez? Let’s see how many she’s got—145 million followers.

LANGE: What does that even mean?

PACE: If she posts a picture, 145 million people will see it on their feed. I mean, that’s more than a movie.

LANGE: That’s a lot of people. It feels dangerous to me. I don’t mean to be a conspiracy theorist, but do we really understand what any of this stuff is? It makes you want to retire to the farm.

LEE: I love those days when you wake up and just make coffee, then walk out into the fields.

LANGE: Do you remember that one beautiful coyote that used to cross the field?

PACE: Yes.

LANGE: He was gorgeous!

PACE: I remember one time, the pond had frozen over and these coyotes chased a doe out onto the ice and then she slipped and fell, and they ripped her up. There were tracks going back into the woods where they took a piece of her. The next day, it thawed and it all disappeared like it had never happened.

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