#i will also not be arguing this lmaoo

[choccy-milky]

I can imagine Clora reading the "Final Problem" where Sherlock "DIES" and being depressed for like a month and sending hate mail to Conan Doyle while Sebastian tries to cheer her up.

THATS SO FUNNY YOU SENT THIS BECAUSE I LITERALLY DECIDED THE SAME THING A WHILE BACK BAHAHA i plan to mention it in my fic too

seb would 1000% find clora crying during their seventh year when "the final problem" is published LMAOO and he'd freak out wondering whats wrong. and when i read about how tons of doyles' fans sent him hate mail and were outraged i was like yup, clora would've been one of them BAHAHA. ["Obituaries for Holmes appeared everywhere. Petitions were signed and “Keep Holmes Alive” clubs were formed."] CLORA WOULD HAVE FORMED ONE OF THOSE CLUBS TOO LMFAOO

all the outrage made doyle resurrect sherlock a decade later, so that also means when they're older + married + have kids, clora's just gonna burst into the room one day and be like "HES ALIIIIVEEE!!!!!!!" BAHAHHAA clora's hate mail to arthur conan doyle is what brought back sherlock, CONFIRMED!!💯💪✨

[rosy-crow]

On one hand, I need to calm the fuck down about Sephiroth and stop giving into Twitter to debate lore. I KNOW I’m better than this lmao.

On the other hand, I see people genuinely angry about “how Crisis Core ruined Sephiroth by killing part of his agency through Genesis,” and “how having friends made him less cool,” and “how all the Compilation is humanizing him too much and taking away his mystery,” and “how he went evil for no reason,” and “how he was always an asshole that saw himself as superior to others and only broke down because he found out he wasn’t all that.”

I see unironic worship of “canon” traits he has that apparently mark him as a perverted alpha daddy dom sex god instead of the actual raging, delusional murderer with a loathing for all life he becomes for a reeeeeeeally key and important reason.

I see remarks like “I hate how First Soldier is ruining my favorite character and taking away more of his agency,” when said “favorite character” is Sephiroth’s most surface-level traits as a villain with no further depth and he has to be cool and perfect 100% of the time or else he isn’t Sephiroth anymore and he’s suddenly “badly written.”

That’s not the same character.

Yes, I know.

Why am I mad that one of the most beautifully designed and canonically objectified and powerfully portrayed and sensually voiced and thirstily fawned over characters in video game history is being reduced to singular traits???

I don’t know.

How can I demand the luxury of rage when faced with such odds.

What did I expect.

Yeah, this one’s on me.

[u3pxx]

this is NOTHING

[amorisxx]

When I see people say they can’t imagine Tashi not being in love with Art if she had a whole child with him

Or when they say Art can’t be interpreted as homosexual because he’s married to and has a child with Tashi

[daggryet]

what were you doing in 2022 ?

[orchidego]

Idk why girls would ever argue online with Muslim dudes being hypercritical of hijabi online presence. imo, hijabi women are basically the only* modern inheritors of (diluted) Muslim warrior tradition. The kind of tradition that asserts (some) power** in a hegemony that is not built for you to do that. You’re going to let a self-castrated man’s basement opinions bother you? “He’s giving Islam a negative reputation” umm yeah. In Instagram comments. Meanwhile you’re out there actually embodying your faith in your ideology. Even imperfect hijab gets that point across. People see you and know this about you. Once again. A man who has no power and refuses to take power. Is an object of pity for me, at best for them—because mostly? I don’t even waste energy formulating the opinion. Probably because I’m so caught up in brainstorming about what it would look like to be less weak than we are. Because we really are, me included.

*I am exaggerating to make a point

**would be remiss to say that I don’t understand the irony in me insisting that wearing a visual symbol of complete subjugation to an ideology should be considered (a type or shade of) power but because it’s so culturally subversive here it’s hard for me not to consider it a power. Also ethically speaking (it’s obvious but it has to be said) I think Total Submission To God is a good thing actually and I would not be surprised if most other hijabi women would agree with me, to put it lightly. The power thing is very weirdly reliant on the circumstances in which you are making decisions. Is there even such thing as total freedom. Much to think about.

[keeps-ache]

yay yippee yay :3 🎉

[rudegizmo]

Where can I find your videos gizmo?

Currently, here !!

ALSOOO check out @diovoppio 's!!

[bucksbeagle]

ANYWAY. lets talk about something else rn

[chron0ph0bia]

you parents constantly telling u the shit that you've been trying to unlearn surely is smth

[zazter-den]

no pressure tags!: @bakubunny @dcsiremc @neon-gothicc @sunflower-emoji, and my moots/lurkers I'm too scared to bother- if you'd like to join please do \o/

found a fun little personality test!

i am open tagging as always bc i wanna see everyone’s results!!!!!!

[prettygirl-gabi]

Title: Let Me Sleep

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Reader

Fandom: UConn’s women’s basketball

Rating : General Audiences

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: is sleep too much to ask for…

Paige Bueckers is the human equivalent of a golden retriever. Loud, affectionate, and seemingly immune to exhaustion. I, on the other hand, am not.

This becomes a problem every weekend when she didn’t have practice or games, she wakes up at the ass crack of dawn, blasting music or throwing herself on top of me to get me out of bed. It’s also a problem late at night, when my only goal is to shower and pass out, but she and our friends have other plans—like tonight.

After an exhausting volleyball practice and an eight-hour shift at work, all I wanted was silence, a warm shower, and sleep. I walked into our apartment fully prepared to collapse face-first into the mattress.

But instead, I was met with chaos.

Paige, KK, Ice, Jana, and Aubrey were gathered in the living room, the glow of a ring light illuminating their faces as they talked animatedly to one of the phones propped up in front of them.

They were on live. Of course.

“Baby!” Paige practically launched herself off the couch when she saw me, nearly tripping over her laptop charger in the process. “You’re home!”

“Yeah,” I muttered, voice heavy with exhaustion as I dropped my bag by the door. “Unfortunately.”

KK snorted. “Oh nah, she’s on her last leg.”

“I am,” I confirmed, rubbing my eyes. “Why are y’all screaming?”

Aubrey grinned. “We’re debating self-defense moves.”

Ice held up a Lego set. “And building this.”

I blinked. “…What?”

“They’re gonna try the moves on each other,” Jana explained with a shake of her head. “And Ice is building a house. With me.”

“Multitasking,” Ice said proudly.

I sighed, already regretting my life choices. “I’m going to bed.”

Paige pouted. “Noooo, don’t leave me.”

I gave her a blank stare. “Paige, I just worked for eight hours after a full morning practice. I want to sleep.”

“You can sleep here.” She tugged at my wrist. “C’mon, I promise I’ll be quiet.”

“Now that’s a damn lie,” I deadpanned.

The live chat must have heard because the comments started flying:

“She already knows Paige be lying, LMAOO.”

“Nah, you should sleep there just to prove how done you are.”

“Golden retriever gf and black cat gf fr, fr.”

“It’s giving y/n is a single mother rn.”

Paige ignored them, pulling me toward the couch and plopping back down with her laptop. “Here, cuddle me so you’ll be comfy.”

I was too tired to argue, so I let her maneuver me onto her lap, arms loosely wrapped around her shoulders as she settled back against the couch.

The moment my head hit her shoulder, I was gone.

I woke up to muffled voices, but I barely registered them.

Paige’s arms were still wrapped securely around me, her warmth cocooning me in a way that made it impossible to move. I buried my face deeper into her hoodie, inhaling the familiar scent of her detergent.

Somewhere in the background, KK’s voice rang out. “Wait, wait—yo, the chat is killing me right now.”

I frowned, cracking an eye open. Paige was still typing on her laptop, completely unfazed by whatever was happening. KK, Ice, Jana, and Aubrey were still talking animatedly to the iPad.

They were still on live.

I groaned softly, shifting against Paige. “Y’all are seriously still streaming?”

Paige rubbed my back absentmindedly. “Mhm.”

Jana smirked. “The chat’s been going crazy over you.”

I frowned. “What?”

KK cackled, reading out comments.

“She deadass knocked out while they screaming their lungs out over Legos and self-defense.”

“Bro, she’s strong cause I could nevaaa.”

“Paige, she’s sooo done with y’all.”

“It’s giving power couple.”

“They’re gonna make edits of them, I just know it.”

I groaned again, squeezing my eyes shut. “I hate all of you.”

“Love you too, baby,” Paige cooed, pressing a kiss to my temple.

The chat exploded.

“PAIGE PLSSS.”

“She’s so whipped.”

“Nah, I need me a Paige.”

“Paige doing work with y/n in her lap gives.. a single mother vibes.”

“Somebody que up Reba McEntire.”

I sighed, too tired to care. “I’m going back to sleep.”

Paige chuckled. “Go ahead, baby. I got you.”

And just like that, I was out again—chaos and all.

Sometime later—maybe an hour, maybe longer—I woke up to the sensation of being lifted. Paige’s arms were steady as she carried me toward our bedroom, her steps careful despite how exhausted she had to be by now.

“Mm,” I mumbled sleepily, cracking my eyes open just enough to see her face. “Live’s finally over?”

She smiled down at me, brushing a strand of hair from my face. “Yeah, baby. Got my homework turned in on time, too.”

I hummed in approval, letting my head rest against her shoulder as she set me down on the bed and pulled the blankets over me. The room was dim, the soft glow from the hallway light casting a shadow across her face.

“Hold on, ma,” she murmured before disappearing into the kitchen. A minute later, she returned with my cup, filled to the brim with ice water. She set it down on my nightstand, her fingers brushing against my forehead as she leaned in. “So you don’t wake up thirsty.”

I blinked up at her, my heart doing an annoying little flip at how effortlessly sweet she was. “You’re the best.”

Paige smirked. “I know.”

I reached out, grabbing her wrist before she could turn away. “Come lay down.”

She hesitated. “I’m not really sleepy yet.”

“Don’t care.” I tugged her toward the bed. “Just come cuddle.”

That was all the convincing she needed. Paige climbed in beside me, her arm slipping under my waist as I curled into her side.

“Okay, but what are we watching?” she asked, grabbing the remote.

I thought for a second before grinning. “Turn on something from Disney Jr.”

Paige gave me a look. “You deadass?”

I nodded. “Yep. Something nostalgic. We can make fun of it while we watch.”

She rolled her eyes, but the fondness in her expression was undeniable. A few moments later, the familiar theme song of Little Einsteins filled the room. I snorted.

Paige smirked. “Classic.”

For the next hour, we laid there, half-watching, half-talking about our day. I told her about how my legs were still sore from practice, how I nearly cussed out a customer at work, and how I saw a dog that reminded me of her on my way home.

She told me about her classes, the new drill Coach Geno had them running, and how she was convinced Ice was going to drop out of school and become a full-time Lego builder.

By the time the clock hit 4 a.m., our words had slowed, our sentences broken by long stretches of silence. Paige’s fingers traced lazy circles against my back, her breath warm against my temple.

“You tired now?” I murmured.

She exhaled softly. “Yeah, baby.”

I nuzzled into her chest. “Finally.”

She chuckled, pressing a lingering kiss to my forehead. “Goodnight, ma.”

“‘Night, Paigey.”

And just like that, we drifted off, tangled in each other, with Little Einsteins still playing in the background.

---

■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

                 -Thank You For Reading!🩵🩶

                             -prettygirl-gabi🎀✨️

[jacaerysgf]

Plagued by you

r.q: requesting this please, alicent's daughter x jacaerys… and an angry confession.. "I burn for you." type ❤️😭 like he wants to her to come with him and be team black.

c.w: Otto doesn't go to Dragonstone you do; alicents daughter!reader, minor angst, dialogue heavy, reader “hates” jacaerys, hints of rhaelicent, not proofread

w.c: 1.6k (finally a shorter jace fic…)

a.n: anthony bridgerton ass confession lmaoo, hope you all enjoy :3

masterlist

You were currently pacing back and forth in the room rhaenyra allowed you to stay in on Dragonstone. You had come to see her, to ask her to declare for Aegon. She had obviously argued back and forth with you, up until nightfall where she said she would retreat for the night and the two of you could finish this tomorrow in the morning before you flew back in the morning. You argued that you would leave right then but only to find out that it had begun to storm so heavily. Realizing you would not be able to travel anywhere in this weather you reluctantly agreed and here you were.

In truth you did not want to come here. You had begged your mother to send someone else to anyone else but she was instant it be you. 

“Mother, why not send grandsire? He will be a much better negotiator than me.” she fiddles with your cloak, a far away look on her face before she moves to cup your face.

“Rhaenyra certainly likes you more than she likes him. She will treat you kindly.”

“She will say no mother you know this.” 

She lets out a trembled sigh and grips your face tightly in her hands and presses her forehead against yours “If not for his sake you must try, for me. For my sake I do not wish for this to go to. To see her harmed.” 

You've always known your mother has a very complicated relationship with rhaenyra if you can even call it that. She hated her, or at least that's what it seemed to be. 

She turns and grabs your bag before giving you a knowing look. 

“And I know you also have some unresolved things, do not deny it. I can recognize that look on your face. You must let these things go. Lest you end up like me.” 

You feel sick at the idea of Him. You hate jacaerys velaryon. Him and his stupid pride, his stupid face. His stupid everything. You have never hated anyone the way you hate him. You never understood how much a person could hate someone seemingly as much as your mother seemed to hate rhaenyra. The way she seemed to be all she could talk and even think about, going on endless rants to the point you felt you knew more about rhaenyra than your own mother. Until you met him. Now though you understood her completely, when you were no more than six jacaerys became the target of your anger.

Due to his torment of your twin brother aemond you quickly began to hate him. You would spend all your free time thinking of him and how to get back at him. The two of you always bickered and argued, when you would look over at him he was always already glaring at you. 

You were more than relieved he and his family were leaving after the incident at driftmark, but there was a part of you that when your days dragged on you began to miss him. Tormenting him of course there was no way you actually wished to spend time with him, there was no way…. Definitely not.

You haven't seen him during your time here. You would think he would be in the room where you were negotiating but he was nowhere to be seen. You did not want to ask about him, though the question has been on the tip of your tongue.

Suddenly there was some aggressive knocking on your door and you froze, turning towards it holding your breath. “Who is it?” there's no answer but you know exactly who it is and hesitant for a moment contemplating if you should even let him in. You end up swiftly making your way towards the door and opening it just a bit, planning on telling him to just go away but before you can say anything he's pushing his way into the room storming past you with an angry look on his way. You lean against the door to support yourself as you feel lightheaded just looking at him. 

“You are an absolutely ridiculous woman.” you do not speak, unable to, only able to watch as he runs his hand through his curls and paces in the room just as you had been. “Do you only wish to torment me?”

“I am here for my brother-” “You should not have come.” there's a venom in his voice and he does not even look at you. You find yourself growing more annoyed at him. “I do not care what you think. I would be gone by now if your mother had not been so stubborn-” he turns to look at you and makes his way to stand right in front of you, barely any space between the two of you. “Jacaerys…” “you do not want your brother to sit the throne.” it was true, as much as you tolerated your brother, the thought of him sitting on the throne disgusted you. He would not be a good king, “you know not of what i believe.” “I know this is true, you shouldn't lie to me.” 

“You act as if you know me.”

He scoffs, turning his head away from you for a moment before looking you dead in the eyes, so close you can feel his breath on your face. “I don't know you? I know that you hate the summer because you get too hot in your long dresses, i know you love whenever the chefs make cake and you would sneak into the kitchen to grab a slice, i know you despise your mothers perfume because it hurts your nose but you could never tell her such a thing because it brings her comfort,” he pauses for a moment moving somehow even closer to you, pressing his forehead against yours and closing his eyes, “i know when you are lying you scrunch up your nose,” he moves his head to your neck and takes a deep breath of your scent before lifting his head back up and his forehead is against yours once more. “And worst of all I know you desire me as I do you.” 

You shake your head as you suppress a whimper from your neck, “no,,,” “you will not deny it. You will not deny something I know to be true with every bone in my body with every drop of blood in my body.”  

With a long silence between you, neither of you saying a word he pushes away from you and goes back to standing where he was, that angry look back on his face. “You must go.” you look outside and notice that the storm has since stopped, your brain is currently running a mile a minute barely able to think. “I shall head back to the keep-” “that is not far enough!” 

He grips his head in frustration as he begins to pace once more, “you could travel to dorne, to essos to bravos and it would not be far enough to free me from this torment you have put me through, For the thoughts of you that plague my mind to cease to exist. Even after I pass I am sure when I am faded to nothing but bones and ashes the picture of you will be laced where my heart should be.” 

He quickly moves back over to you and cups your face once more bringing himself so explicitly close to you he should be kissing you. The way you two are pressed against each other is more intimate than a kiss, more romantic than any confession. You lose yourself in the heat of the moment, unable to control yourself for a while. You want to kiss him, you want him to kiss you. Before you regain the small sense of control you have to push him away from you shaking your head. “I must go home, my mother-” “Stay here. Stay with me.” He stares into you a way nobody else ever has, like he's truly trying to see you and not the facade you put on for everyone else. “My mind, body and soul yearns and burns for you uncontrollably and now that you stand in front of me I cannot take it.” He takes your hand and presses it against his heart where you can feel it being erratically as yours was as well. “Tell me you do not want me and I shall turn my back and allow you to leave. But do not beg me to watch you as I fear my heart cannot take it.” 

He takes another step closer to you and does not break eye contact with you. “Tell me you do not desire me and tell me at once my love, my heart please you must.” 

You shake your head as tears begin to form in your eyes, “I cannot.” “then stay.” you angle your head and kiss him, praying that through your actions he can too understand that you indeed burn for him the way he burns for you. You decide in the moment to say fuck it. Fuck your mother, fuck your brother, fuck the crown and screw everyone and everything else that is not him because you hate him so much that he has fully consumed every part of you like a parasite. Yet you have done the same to him. 

[doiliedaze]

When the morning comes your still mine

Warnings: whistle trained reader, somewhat toxic relationship?? Reader has no will-power I mean immediately goes back into Sevika’s arms, public sex, dark and ooc! Sev, humiliation, Sev is packing and her strap is referred to as cock, degradation (reader is called a bitch and refers to herself as a mindless bimbo), I’m lowkey gaslighting reader too LMAOO

Genre: smut, angst with the little plot I put in here

A/N: inspired by the copious domestic Sevika content I’ve been taking in and pretty little birds by SZA and @wingedcrowpersona

Reader is a stripper!!

───────┈ · ·

Divorce wasn’t something you saw with you and Sevika but it’s your reality.

It was like one morning was different, the arguing didn’t matter, the makeup sex wasn’t working. You still wanted her but you didn’t need her.

You fell back into your old routine; get up, practice, hangout, work, hangout, sleep. Anything that stops you from thinking. Your marriage was lovely till it wasn’t, never agreeing with Silcos influence on your wife.

Music was blaring, lights were flashing and slightly tipsy you didn’t know where you were walking. This plus six inch platform heels caused disaster.

You fell right into her arms.

She was still as beautiful as ever and you know she thought the same about you. You also knew you were trapped.

Her mechanic hand squeezing the small of your back as she helps you up. “You look good” she states as she pops the string of your thong.

Immediately you swat her hand away, “don’t touch me like that.” You state crossing your arms. Vika always teased you whether you liked it or not.

Slowly she almost stalks to you, “is that how you treat your wife?”

“Not my wife anymore that’s how divorce works.”

“Not divorced if you didn’t sign the papers doll.” She said as she cups your face and brings you close. “For one second could you behave? Be my good little wife again?” Instinctively you nod missing how mean she could be, “I could fuck you right here and you’d like that mhm?”

“I’m on the clock!” You whine remembering where you are.

“I’ll pay you” she says flatly as one of her fingers dip into the front of your thong.

“Sevika wait” you gasp and you press yourself closer trying to make sure no one in the club could see you.

You grab her wrist about to deny yourself of pleasure until Sevika let’s out a short loud whistle. You let go of her wrist, stand up straight and look at her with doe eyes.

“Still my bitch I see” she says as she slowly rubs circles on your pretty clit. You can’t help but moan and obey because that’s what Sevika deserves, a mindless bimbo wife.

Legs shaking due to embarrassment and pleasure you step closer to her to balance yourself. Another whistle was let out and you open your legs more, giving her thick finger more access to you.

“I should embarrass you, since you embarrassed me.” She scoffs, “thinking you aren’t mine, my wife.”

You shake your head no but it didn’t really matter. She knew you wanted this, she knows how much you missed her.

Sevika maneuvers you two to a booth, pulling you by your thong strap. She’s seated whilst your standing.

“C’mon dance, entertain me.” She mutters as she lights a cigar blowing it in your direction knowing you hate smoke. Sevika is never this hard on you but you left her, you did this to yourself.

Slowly you dance to the music, touching yourself here and there in the process. Naturally you strip not caring who saw because it was about your wife’s pleasure. Once you were bare she whistles and you sit on her lap. Sevika puts the cigar out and holds your face, smoke escaping her mouth. “I missed you”, her whisper sincere and hurt. “Not as much as I.” You mumble before you softly press your lips against hers.

Her tongue slithers your mouth. She missed how you taste, how you feel so much. How could you deprive this from her?

Your pierced nipples rub against hers and you go to unbuckle her pants. Like a good bitch you wait for the whistle, her wanting to see how patience you could be. Once granted permission you are able to slip her inside with a satisfactory squelch from your dripping cunt.

Her hands were harsh on your hips and your pelvis was burning but none of the mattered as you kissed your wife. Didn’t matter who was watching or if you’d feel shame tomorrow because that’s the effect she has on you.

Both of you desperate for each other are rutting against each other ready to cum. Saliva is dripping from your tongues, hair is frizzy and fucked, both of your moans are loud and desperate.

She just wants her wife back, wants to take care of you again. Fucks you into never thinking about leaving her again.

With one final thrust you shakily cum, and ride your orgasm out together.

“Can I take you home?” She whispers her eyes looking like hurt puppy dogs. “Let’s go home.”

───────┈ · ·

A/N: oh my gosh!! I need to be whistle trained by her!! She’s so hot why isn’t she real (ˊ̥̥̥̥̥ ³ ˋ̥̥̥̥̥)

Taglist: @manfuckthisimout @bambishaven

(Dividers- @dollywons)

[anifever]

hcs of ponyboy dating the prettiest and sweetest cheerleader

Pony w/ a Cheerleader!Reader ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Ponyboy Curtis x Fem!Reader

୨୧ : HC’s of Pony with a sweet ‘n gorgeous, popular cheerleader

A/N : Starting to do some requests again 😔 bare with me guys these are always my words before I disappear for months

˖⁺‧₊˚ 📣 ˚₊‧⁺˖

୨ NOBODY is believing his ass

୨ Like the youngest out of the gang dating a soc like you? Nuh-uh

୨ Steve is especially on his back about it; it only fuels their stupid feud

୨ Most people would assume you’re kinda mean or shallow because you cheer, but you’re really the towns sweetheart

୨ Like there are no exceptions; socs and greasers alike

୨ Your inclusivity and niceness are some of the main things Pony really likes about you

୨ Of course, your looks definitely also help

୨ He writes poems about you.

୨ He gets jealous pretty easily though, so you have to baby him a little if you get hit on in front of him LMAOO

୨ Cue you opening up your locker on Valentines Day, a bunch of cards falling out, and him getting a defeated frown on his face

୨ Anyways, your reputation definitely makes some of the bullying he goes through ease up

୨ You always defend him (nicely, of course) if you spot someone picking on him

୨ It’d take all the guys meeting you for them to realize that you’re actually a pretty good match since they were probably weary at first

୨ That still doesn’t stop all of Steve ‘n Dallas’ teasing about you being too pretty for him though (save him.)

୨ Overall, you honestly could give people toothaches with how sweet you are together

୨ Like Darry’s about to come scold Pony over homework only to find the both of you on the porch, working with your notebooks open whilst you fiddled with some of his hair

୨ He can’t even be mad because it’s so innocent and cute

୨ Sometimes though, your personality can lead to people taking advantage of you because of just how nice you are

୨ He has to reel you in and let you know which people have good intentions and which don’t

୨ Most of the time your practice takes place the same time his track practice does so you guys just admire each other across the field teehee

୨ Whenever he doesn’t have practice or plans of his own, he comes to watch you anyways

୨ Even though basically all the football players have jumped him at least once, he’ll still show up if you’re cheering at a game 😇

୨ Honestly, he gains a bit more confidence after a while of being with you

୨ He’e so smug about it too LMFAO like “yeah, I’m the one dating the prettiest girl on the cheer team 🙄😏”

୨ Absolutely rubs it in Steve’s face (or any of them for that matter) when they argue

[etherealrin]

Hey! Love your works, it's really nice to read them and I just love your style💖, may I request an isagi x reader but the reader is kaiser's little sibling? It sounds fun ☺️

⋆｡˚꩜ a comprehensive tutorial on how to piss off michael kaiser in his penthouse; by yoichi isagi.

yoichi isagi just wants to hang out with you...but your brother is making it quite uncomfortable

warnings: slight violent descriptions (as a joke), michael kaiser gives you no privacy, one mention of google translated german // wc: 957

note: i was giggling the entire time writing this LMAOO imo such a funny dynamic, the rivalry goes crazy.

your bubbly laughs that echo through the penthouse allow isagi to relax, just a little bit. the environment is new to him, and he’s afraid that the smallest slip-up will result in his head being chopped off by one of the rather large, menacing butcher knives lined against the marble kitchen walls.

but what’s even more threatening is the way kaiser is glaring at him, blue gaze more piercing than any dagger.

“micha, you’re making yoi uncomfortable,” you begin, shooting the blonde haired man your own look of annoyance. you turn your attention away from the mixing bowl in front of you to interlace your fingers with yoichi’s, trying to offer him some comfort. isagi wonders if theres nervous sweat on them.

“he’s in my penthouse, with my sibling? am i meant to leave him unattended, to let this donkey roam around with free will?” kaiser huffs, arms crossing.

yikes, was he in a mood today.

“you’re calling my boyfriend a donkey?” yeah, you were ready to throw hands right there.

isagi had practically jumped for joy when you’d invited him over to bake cookies. he somehow managed to forget that you were rival’s little sibling, and that your house was technically also michael’s—of course he would own a penthouse with a city view. michael was an oddly protective elder brother, or maybe his rivalry with yoichi just ran that deeply; was it not enough for isagi to steal the soccer ball on court? did he have to steal michael’s bloodline too?

“go, um, read a psychology book or something,” you say, wanting to get your brother off the scene. “hang out with ness! i’m sure he’d love to!”

yoichi nods his head hurriedly in agreement.

“you think you two are getting rid of me that easily? that’s-“ your brother is cut off mid-scoff, his phone ringing loudly and persistently. you snicker, knowing that you were about to win.

“was zum teufel,” michael spits, picking up the line.

“no, ness, i’m busy…what? you seriously can’t drive yourself? can’t i…uh….i guess you’re right,” he seems to be arguing with ness, going back and forth.

“you two lucky idiots are getting your wish,” michael snaps as he hangs up, hurrying out the door. before it closes, a warning: “isagi, if you try anything, i’ll screw you over before you can blink twice.”

“yeah yeah, shitty rose.” yoichi’s ego gets the best of him. great, now he’d been rude to your brother in front of you!

but you don’t seem to mind, maybe you didn’t care, humming softly as you add chocolate chips to the mix.

"you need to move out," yoichi doesn't think he can visit you if this is how your brother was going to be.

“hmmm, could be worse. what if we made s’mores cookies?” you reply excitedly.

“the ones with marshmallows?”

“yep! i think i have them somewhere,” you pull him into your startling large pantry. the size is almost that of a grocery aisle, and it’s stocked with an insane amount of protein powder—likely your brother’s doing—but you find the small package of the fluffy white sweets tucked away in a corner.

except, you can’t quite get to it, the nook being far above your head.

“let me,” yoichi says, reaching up. he has to be on the tips of his toes, curse michael kaiser for being so damn tall!

as yoichi fumbles above you for a bit, he doesn’t notice the odd position he’s forced you into, your back flush against the shelves. you’re not that much shorter than him, but he’s gripping onto your shoulder for support, and the proximity makes you flustered. he smells good, crisp and clean, a hint of citrus in the mix.

with a small flop, the bag finally comes crashing down, along with yoichi’s balance. he lets out a startled yelp, hurriedly latching onto your other shoulder.

oh.

you blink, fazed by his deep aquamarine eyes, and the way that your noses are practically touching. his breath is ticklish, irregular from the earlier struggle, and a cherry red blush painted across his entire face.

you’re both too scared to move, stuck in the haze, should you move? closer? maybe further?

it’s like that for an agonizingly long second—still—until yoichi chooses for the both of you, his fingertips make contact with your jaw and they’re warm, hot like the kiss he suddenly pulls you into.

you’re far too eager to reciprocate, hands finding their way into his soft dark locks. the cookie batter stays neglected on the sleek white countertop, both of you distracted and lost in another world.

when your lungs threaten to implode from lack of air, that’s when you pull away, gasping softly.

your boyfriend’s face is ten times redder now.

“sorry, i- i should’ve asked first,” yoichi stammers, flustered and unable to meet your eyes.

“it’s fine, i like you when you’re confident, yoi,” you smile, twisting a strand of his hair.

you fail to notice how the front door had opened, and you’re greeted with michael kaiser standing in the hallway, gawking at the two of you.

“why’s he in my pantry?” michael’s pissed now. “of all damn places, could you two not make out in the middle of my protein powder? seriously, that is gross. i won’t be able to drink that shit now!”

“oops,” you giggle. “you’re just upset that you don’t have someone.” your brother lets out an indignant huff, ready to start hell as he marches closer. you’re still snickering.

unfortunately, yoichi cannot find any of this nearly as funny as you do—no, he’s already thinking about the hell your brother’s going to give him during the game tomorrow, convinced that both of the kaisers would be the death of him.

a/n: michael says "what the hell" in german, i just wanted to make it diverse idk. like genuinely isagi is lucky if he makes it through the week dating a kaiser sibling...kaiser is not giving his blessing for the wedding LMFAO

masterlist!