#i went to check netflix and hulu cause maybe i got cut off but no i have those

[piknim]

im about to text my dad at 1 am cause WHERES MY GOOGLE PLAY/YOUTUBE RED! no please i cant have advertising

[futurezombi5]

Venting

After taking a long break from Tumblr I realized I missed screaming into the void that is the internet and just getting my thoughts out of my head. So, here it goes. TW: suicide, mentions of abuse

I’ve felt down... not just like the down that you occasionally get due to seasons or the weather or maybe your favorite tv show was canceled. Down as in there hasn’t been a day this year where i don’t contemplate variations of suicide. The one time it got so bad I just went to sleep because I wanted to lock my boyfriend in the bedroom and kill myself in the kitchen. When my grandma passed away, that was a heavy blow to the chest. I had been watching her slowly deteriorate since the end of last year when I tried giving her my Netflix and Hulu accounts and what I was telling her to do just wasn’t clicking like she had trouble keeping memory, I thought it was weird but shrugged it off. When she passed out and deficated herself, that’s when I started getting worried, but after a hospital visit she seemed to be doing alright. Then February rolled around and she was just going for a liver check up (she had stage 4 liver disease due to lupus and had Hep C and cirrhosis due to the lupus as well) and they admitted her. She had an infection from January that was pumping through her body and causing her left arm to get blood clots, but i was still hopeful. I saw her every. Single. Week. One minute they were moving her from ICU to the cardiac center because the infection wasn’t as bad as they thought it was and we got more hopeful. On that day, March 7th I remember she got her lunch which was a turkey sandwich and a bowl of grapes. I put the mayo and mustard on the sandwich and cut it in half for her and fed it to her. She REALLY liked the grapes so I got her to eat the whole bowl. Honestly I was just happy she was eating. After her lunch she started to doze off and I told her to go ahead and go to sleep, but she looked at me and said “I don’t want to go to sleep.” I questioned her and she responded with something that’s burned into my mind: “I don’t want to go to sleep because I know if I do, you’ll leave and I don’t want you to leave.” I reassured her I’d be back and I even stayed until she was in deep sleep. Fast forward to March 17th and I was the only person allowed in the room to see her. I gave her some cool Saint Patrick’s day stuff but she was talking crazy and essentially saying they’re keeping her hostage and to break her out. The nurse said it’s from the infection and she’s dilusional, however, I still stayed with her and talked with her. That was the last time she was remotely coherent. We get a call the next day telling us she went into cardiac arrest and they put a breathing tube down her throat. The doctor explained that she essentially won’t heal from that and we decided to remove the tube. She passed away on the 22nd of March. Then my birthday was on the 24th, but I didn’t get out of bed. My boyfriend tried feeding me, getting me to get up, even tried an at home date (because corona), but I just didn’t want to do it. We ended up moving into her house and I already felt at home there but I’m still waiting to wake up and smell her cooking breakfast and I’m still waiting for her to come in my room and wake me up for something random she’s planned for the day, but that’s not happening. Hell, I still have her house phone hooked up and it stings a little every time when I hear her voicemail “hello this is Mary, please leave me a message and I will return your call. Thank you and have a blessed day.” Then may 8th, my great grandma passed away after having a long battle with Alzheimer’s. My last memory with her, she could barely speak and didn’t recognize me at all. I wanted my boyfriend to at least meet her, but we couldn’t see her and when we could it was too late. Now here we are in June and the depression hasn’t gotten better, I feel like with every waking day I feel more lonely and more unfit for this world. I miss them every day that goes by and I miss them in every little thing I do from baking cookies like I used to with my grandma to making sun tea with my great grandma. I just don’t see where I fit in this world... And with all of my flaws, the world would be better off without me.

[benbarnesescape]

Focus

Billy Russo Prompt Challenge – for @ boypansies

Prompt #54 - “I don’t want to get up….I’m so warm beside you.”

Prompt #62 - “Fuck it – do you wanna get married.”

Warnings: Mentions of sex, language and so much fluff your heart will melt. I hope lol..

A/N – Okay, I know the angst has been real. So real. So this is a fun, fluffy, cute story to make up for it. No left turn sad ending – promise!  Also this is a Billy AU where he doesn’t want to kill his best friend. I know I’m detracting but it’s the only way I can validate happy endings for him because I know his true nature as Jigsaw!

If you were in a horror movie, you would probably be one of the first girls – people – to die. Not because you were the slut, or the one person of color (why were serial killers, ghosts and zombies so racist?) or the nerdy, quirky friend where death was inevitable even if you were a good friend (R.I.P. Barb). It was because you had the worse sense of awareness.

Billy teased you about it all the time. A former marine, Billy had the cat like senses of a panther. Knew when someone was going to walk through a door before they knew they were going to walk through a door.

“You just have to pay better attention.” He had teased you a few months back, when you had jumped halfway out of your skin when one of his employees had walked in on the two of you making out in his large office. He had found it amusing and you had found it humiliating and terrifying. The employee had left, his face flushed red. And why wouldn’t he. You were basically half naked as Billy kneaded your breast through your bra.

You swore you would never be able to return as the man left, all but slamming the door behind him.

“You knew they were coming down the hall!?” You had squeaked out as he nipped at your neck, chuckling in the tight crevice,

“Figured I’d show you off since no one believed that I was committed to you.”

“I hate you.” You had mumbled, but it didn’t stop you from going back to your make out session. Or for stopping by Anvil since then. You were really bad at keeping your promises when it came to Billy Russo.

You had tried working on it. You really had. But you had all the focus of a five-year-old in preschool. Once your attention was on something, you couldn’t be bothered with everything else around you. Instead you dedicated every sense in your body to that one thing.

This evening, it had been in the form of a book. Literature and movies typically were your primary distractions, followed by food, music and coffee. Sex of course trumped all of those things. In fact, if you could make out a list of distractions it would read as the following:

1.       Sex

2.       Literature

3.       Sex

4.       Movies

5.       Sex

6.       Food

7.       Sex

8.       Music

9.       Sex

10.   Coffee

11.   Sex

12.   Sex

13.   Family/Friends

14.   Sex

15.   Sex

16.   Sex……..

You basically had the mind and sex drive of a 13 year old boy.

Another quality Billy found amusing and adorable. Mainly because with his handsome features and charming personality, he could get you to focus on him no matter the situation. He was needy. He would never admit that he was – would never own it. But he was insecure in his need for others to accept and love him. You made it easy for him to get both of those feelings validated. Even if you didn’t want to really commit to a relationship, or further it. Even if you had been dating him technically for two years. Even if he had convinced you to move in with him two months back. Even if he had made it very clear that he wanted to commit to you.

You wouldn’t have it. Billy Russo was too goddamn beautiful. And intelligent. And smart. And passionate. And driven. Minus all the emotional scars, he was basically a perfect man. You hadn’t really been insecure about who you were and how you fit in the world until you had started dating him. That unnerved you. Kinda pissed you off because you weren’t that insecure. Sure, there were things you’d wanted fix but overall you considered yourself an 8/10. But next to Billy…. next to Billy you felt like a D rated movie that went straight to DVD. Not even good enough for the dollar theaters. So until you could move past these feelings, you tried your best to distance yourself. Which Billy made particularly difficult because he had made it more than clear that he was committed to you and only.

But you were getting beside the point.

It was a typical work day evening. You had gone to gym, made dinner and forced yourself to read a book instead of binge watch something online. You were in your bedroom, sitting on your shared bed as your body pressed against your headboard, legs propped up so you could lay your book on your thighs, reading your book. A hot cup of tea with maybe three splashes of whiskey nestled warming in your hands as your eyes hurriedly ran over the pages. It was your favorite kind of book. Fantasy, check. Murder and mystery, check. Sex in all the way kitschy books can write sex, double check. It was getting steamy and terrifying all at once and you were so deep in, you didn’t hear him come in. Couldn’t hear the way he lazily dragged his feet, dropping off his duffel bag before pouring himself a cup of water. Had probably already planned his surprise attack knowing you were distracted in something.

Nope – you were too focused on Artegenian and Larea finally discovering their 300 page worth of tense romantic feelings for each other, his strong member pressing against her softness, drawing a soft sigh out of her lips as his mouth grazed slowly down her collarbone……..

“What you reading!?” Billy’s masculine voice cuts through the soft sounds of your Spotify playlist and you jump so high your drink splashes on your knees, causing you to curse under your breath.

And this is why you would die. Because you should face your intruder but instead your too focused on the hot water and whiskey burning your thigh, starting to cool as you place the mug on your bedside table. You check the bag to make sure no water got on your comforter before you realized you lost your page on your book, and this leads you down another rabbit hole of thought.

You’ve managed to effectively forget the person who got you in this situation in the first place and he chuckles, redirecting your attention again before saying,

“Babe, you gotta focus on more than one thing. We talked about you paying attention to your surroundings. Guess its something I’ll have to help you work on…”

You turn, taking in the way he looks in his black outfit, his black tshrit threatening to rip around his strong biceps and nothing matters. Your run toward him, jumping up easily in his embrace and he laughs as he holds you before its smothered by your lips.

God you missed him.

He doesn’t pull away but instead deepens the kiss, guiding you back to your bed where you both fall down, his large weight bearing into your own but you don’t care. He’s been gone a month for work, back to the sandbox as he liked to refer to it, and you had been a mess. A mess because you missed his smile, the way he constantly called and texted you to make sure you were ok. Missed the way you could snuggle against him while you binged a show on Netflix or Hulu, or the way girls would give him a second look as you both walked down the street. Missed the way his lips felt on your body and having his name whispered on your lips.

You loved him so much you weren’t even sure why you were fighting him on this relationship thing. When he pulls away far enough to look at you, those dark ebony eyes drinking you in, you’re reminded. Again. Billy Russo was way too damn good looking for you. He’d disagree but you knew your strengths. You were cute, pretty. You could get a guy to buy you a drink or two if you flirted enough. Been told by many how attractive you are. But you weren’t on Billy Russo attractive level. That was that super model, Hollywood actor, I’ll let you in because you’re so damn fine level. Billy always denied it but he didn’t see how women literally fanned themselves when he walked by.

You did. You really needed to carve out time with a therapist to move past these feelings. It was unhealthy for you and for him.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, placing soft kisses on your eyes. Your nose. Your cheeks. Your lips. You giggle out,

“Nothing.” Trying to drive him back in but he knows your lying as he starts to poke your side. More laughter ensues as his hands began their assault of tickling, shaking his head as he says,

“You’re the worse liar, you know that?”

You try to push him away, anything to save you but he’s stronger than you. More skilled, he pins you down easily with one hand as he assaults you with his free one and it’s only a few minutes more before you’re screaming for freedom. He complies, satisfied as he allows his weight to fall on you and you start raking your hands through his thick hair, caressing down his hard back.

“Was thinking how the hell I did something worth deserving you.”

He pulls back a bit, watches you carefully before saying,

“You mean, what did I do to find someone like you.”

He was good at this, twisting words in his favor but you weren’t having it. You roll your eyes before mumbling,

“Okay Billy…” and he presses his lips onto yours instantly, teasing your mouth open.

If kissing was a game at the Olympic games, Billy would always win gold. He knew how to go from being demanding and passionate to soft and romantic, exactly what he was doing now as his tongue expertly tangled with your own, giving every bit of your mouth the attention it needed from him. When he pulls away lazily, biting your bottom lip, he whispers,

“I know you don’t think you measure up to me or whatever but you’re my world. I honestly wouldn’t be as close of a good man if I didn’t have you in it. I love you.”

You can’t help the smile that automatically twitches on your face as he rests his head on your shoulder, placing a soft kiss on your exposed skin and you murmur back “I love you too” because despite all the other stuff that you got hung up on, you felt how much love you both had for each other. Filled up a room whenever you were together.  And perhaps that was what scared you the most. You had never felt this way before.

You don’t live in it for too long though. When you feel his breathing start to steady that you know you must push him off, his dead weight starting to cause your leg to go numb. You nudge him, asking him gently to get off of you but he won’t have it. He’s too comfortable on top of you, holding you closer to him and protests loudly against moving.

“Billy….” You whine and he moans, hiding his face deeper in your neck.

“I don’t want to get up….I’m so warm beside you.”

You roll your eyes, trying to wiggle from his embrace but the new movement has re-sparked his energy and his arms pin beside you, keeping you in place and you whine against his ear,

“You’re too heavy! I can’t breathe! And you’re hot!”

You’re being dramatic – sure. But he was a walking furnace and you were already warm wearing his Henley and despite your exposed legs you felt like you were on fire.

Billy was too amused however, missing the way you sounded, missing how your body felt against his and he laughs, kissing at your neck until you give in, wrapping your arms around his neck as he moves his face to kiss you again. Desperate. Hungry. His hips shimmy against you, his erection pressing into your center and you moan, your leg wrapping around his stiff pants easily.

He never played by the rules.

When he’s got you to the point where you’re equally desperate, your body shimmying against his own, your hands clawing to pull off his shirt he stops you. Looks down at you with serious eyes and gives a shaky sigh. You stop, taking in the way his heart has increased and you cup his face, knowing something has shifted.

Perhaps he was trying to figure out how to break up with you. It all hits you too quickly – becomes too real. Of course that was what was happening. You had efficiently freaked him out enough and now he didn’t want anything to do with you. Or maybe he was trying to express himself. That was also the more realistic possibility.

As much as you hated voicing out your insecurities, you knew it was important in a relationship. And you could honestly have a conversation with yourself when it was getting out of hand. Billy, on the other hand, was horrible at expressing himself if the language wasn’t sarcasm or affection. And even affection had been a tough one to tackle down.

You place a hand on his chest, over his heart as you whisper,

“Billy, calm down. Its ok. Take your time. You know I won’t judge you no matter what you say.”

He looks down at you, bites his lip before shaking his head.

“Fuck it – do you wanna get married?”

You blink up at him, your brain trying to process his words. Your silence freaks Billy out though as he leans off you, standing and digging through his pockets.

“I fucked it up,” he mumbles once he finds what he’s looking for, pulling out the velvet black box. He gets down on one knee, his hands trembling as you sit up in bed, falling back on your knees as Billy gives out a heavy sigh.

“I asked Curtis how I should ask you and he said, just do it naturally, you know, like how’d I ask you how the day is going or what you wanted to do. Then I asked Frank and he said to ask it like I would give you a compliment and…. aww fuck it I don’t know how to say this because I know. I know you aren’t looking for something serious, that you’re afraid because for some reason I cannot get out of your skull, you don’t think you’re good enough for me. Or beautiful enough or smart enough and….you’re a space engineer – of course you’re smart and beautiful and….” He’s rambling and you feel something swell in your heart. For all the time that you had known Billy, from the moment he had walked over to you during your friends company party, he had never been tongue tied or flustered. He was confident and sure of himself.

You had bought out this new side of him. You had brought out the insecure boy you knew he tried to hide from you and the world. And he was this way because he loved you.

“What I’m trying to say is…you know, ever since the day I saw you at that holiday party…god, you were different. Made me feel different. And you have always made me work for it, pushed me and challenged me. Made me realize how I could be a better person. And I hope I can be that for you and….goddammit I just want to spend the rest of my life with you. Love you so damn much Y/N. Want to see your belly grow with my babies one day. Want to grow old with you and all that romantic shit…fuck, I shouldn’t be cursing so much in a proposal.”

He looks up at you then, his face flushed red trying to find some relief. It’s found in you as you bob your head up and down, trying to contain the tears falling from your face. You don’t know why this act, this little ask reassures you. Perhaps its seeing him out of his element, seeing how tortured he was in trying to make you happy that has you comforted.

“I will. Do. I’ll marry you.” You answer finally and his eyebrows furrow together.

“Really? You’re not going to argue with me for hours about it. Not going to try to convince me on why I shouldn’t be trying to build a life with you.”

“Really.” You say as you move closer to him and his frown deepens.

“You literally argued with me for five hours on why you didn’t want to move in here with me. You still even have your apartment!”

“I’ll sell it you idiot – do you want me to marry you or not!? Focus on your surroundings.”

You say the last part snarkily and he grins up at you now wolfishly before his lips are back on your own, trapping you in a bear hug as he kisses you.

“That’s my line.” He says when he pulls away and you shrug as his hand find your left one, sliding the ring onto your finger.

You’re amazed. It was your dream ring. And your expensive dream ring – at least it looked. You had always wanted a simple princess cut ring, nothing to fancy. The rock of this ring demanded attention. You might even ask Billy if you could use his security personnel to protect you from walking down the street with.

“I asked all your close girlfriends and your mom and your sisters and even your brother what kind of ring you wanted. When I went to Harry Winston they told me the cushion cut was basically the same thing and ..... oh my god are you not listening to me?”

You snap your head back up at him and press a soft kiss to your lips. Your ring was shiny and did he say a Harry Winston? You only thought people in movies got rings from the Harry Winston. The hell was wrong with this man?

That doesn’t matter though. You know he did it because he genuinely believed you deserved the best.

When you pull away you voice as much, “Thank you for loving me and taking me for who I am.”

“No thank you babe. But you know, if you want to find a more physical way to show your thanks….”He kisses your nose before you feel his hips shimmy against you and you laugh nodding your head.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

[hockeytexts]

Christmas Cheer- Day 2

I MADE THIS A 12 DAYS THING BECAUSE IM TRASH AND IVE GOTTEN BUSY! BUT THE TWELVE DAYS WILL CONTINUE TODAY AND LEAD UP UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

“So Harper just what, she just bumped randomly into Auston Matthews?” Rachel asked her sister Brooklyn during their weekly catch up.

They were doing this since Brooklyn went off to Toronto and left for her job while Rachel was in DC, honestly it was the only thing keeping them sane.

“I mean Freddie is a whole snack I’ll be honest” Brooklyn replied with a small laugh causing Rachel to laugh.

Rachel smiled at her sisters remarks before she heard a shrill voice scream a few doors down, causing her attention to shift. “Yeah Brooke, I gotta call you back” Rachel said before hanging up the phone.

With Rachel hearing a scream at the embassies in DC she immediately started running only to see her coworker, Piper, have her attention on her computer screen. “Piper what the hell?” Rachel asked before walking into her office space.

“I got assigned the Swedish party for the Diplomatic parties we’re having!” Piper exclaimed to Rachel as she continued reading over everything.

“Piper what’s so important about you going to the Sweden party?” Rachel asked as she got on her phone, curious to see her assignment.

“Swedish men are fucking gorgeous, maybe I can meet Andre Burakovsky” Piper said hopefully as Rachel took note of her getting a new tab to check out dresses.

“Piper, dresses are the last thing you should be worried about do you know how much work it is to impress a diplomat?” Rachel exclaimed to her friend who was ignoring her.

“Follow me Rachel I have just the place to go” Piper said to Rachel before taking her hand and leading her out of the building.

///

“No Piper we have work to do! Let’s go” Rachel said before getting on the phone with a Swedish caterer.

“Piper we cannot get a dress right now, I have a meeting with our designer in three hours. Picking out a color for a dress takes you at least four” Rachel complained to Piper as she was typing on her phone.

“Listen Rachel, we have to look presentable when going in front of diplomats so this is the perfect time! Plus I need something to impress these Swedish men” Piper said to Rachel before pulling her into a store.

“Fine you have thirty minutes” Rachel agreed before turning to look around while Piper went over to the other side. The two enjoying a comfortable silence when someone walked in and it was very obvious as the clicking of their heels had grown more apparent.

Soon Rachel felt a pair of eyes on her, looking up she saw a blonde haired girl looking down at her with a disgusted face. “Excuse me, I need help?” She said to Rachel but as soon as she opened her mouth, Piper had stepped over.

“Great but the people who can help you are in the front, does she have a name tag on or anything other than casual wear to suggest that she works here?” Piper said to the girl as she made a face telling her to step back.

“Whatever, maybe just don’t wear something so frumpy next time so people don’t confuse you as something else” The girl said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Well maybe don’t be a bitch and think everything is going to stop just for you” Piper said as a man entered the store causing her face to go into shock. “Ale, I thought you went into this store already?” The man asked as he soon then turned to the two girls.

“Are you guys friends of Ale? I’m Andre” The guy who the girls learn is named Andre asked them. “No they’re not friends with me, do you really think that low of me?” Ale asks Andre as he rolled his eyes.

“I apologize for her, we have an event to go to this Friday so she’s freaking out” Andre said as put his arm around Ale who just rolled her eyes at him. “But you two wouldn’t know anything about it, it’s a classy event anyways” Ale butts in before Andre looks disappointed at her.

Piper almost said something until Rachel stopped her, nodding her head out the store as she tried to contain her laughter. The two finally got out of the store with a plan in their heads.

//////

“What the fuck do you mean I can’t come in” Rachel heard a familiar voice yell along with a man repeatedly saying no. Rachel rushed to the door when this happened in order to see Ale trying to plead with the security guard. “Who said he couldn’t have a plus one anyways who coordinated this event?” Ale asked.

“Me” Rachel said as she appeared beside the security guard with a smirk on her face, crossing her arms like Ale had first done to her. “What the hell?” Ale asked as she saw Rachel with a red ballgown on and a happy look on her face.

“Yeah this is my event, I need you to leave or else you are trespassing ma’am” Rachel said before smiling and waving her hand bye to Ale. “Now you Andre, actually have an award and unless you want to miss receiving an award voted on by your country. Come with me” Rachel all but demanded.

Andre soon had a look of debate on his face before walking in with Rachel much to Ale’s surprise. “Andre seriously?” Ale asked before Andre just shrugged his shoulders and grabbed Rachel’s hand.

Rachel walking away with Andre in tow, making her happy due to the small victory she had just walked away with.

“So I want to apologize for Ale” Andre said as if he was trying to clear the air to Rachel. Rachel soon just shrugged her shoulders and smiled at Andre.

“I’ve dealt with mean girls all my life, I can take it” Rachel admitted to Andre who just gave her a sympathetic smile. The two soon walked into the event where Rachel just gestured her hand to make it seem like she was releasing him.

Andre gave Rachel a small smile before joining what seemed to be other hockey players. Rachel noting that they had a certain air around them that drew people to them, hence the big crowd laughing at what someone had just said.

“You know this is pretty impressive” Rachel heard to her side before turning and seeing Piper. “Piper you helped me” Rachel said before putting her arm around her coworker, impressed they pulled this off.

“No Andre Burakovsky and how you handled that Ale situation, I saw everything. You usually don’t stand up for yourself like that, I’m proud of you” Piper said before fluffing up her hand and handing Rachel her drink.

“Jesus Piper are you going over there?” Rachel asked before Piper nodded her head and walked over to the group. Rachel walked over and took notice of Andre and how everything was happening.

Soon Andre went out to the balcony and Piper came back with a defeated look on her face. Soon she joined Rachel and took her drink back before downing the whole thing. “Jesus what happened?” Rachel asked as Piper shook her head.

“I can’t even be mad he rejected me, he’s so nice and Jesus it’s annoying as hell” Piper said before Rachel laughed. “It’s okay Pipes, there is tons of attractive men here” Rachel said knowing that her friend would easily find someone.

“Can you talk to him for me?” Piper asked to Rachel’s surprise. Rachel was ready to say no until she saw a pleading look from Piper and heard an offer to use her apartment for the week while she went on Vacation.

Generally that wouldn’t be great for Rachel because one, it’s someone else apartment in addition to your own you have to keep clean for a week. Then two, is you could find that’ll scar you and ruin the friendship.

Piper had heated floor seats, every channel on television with unlimited access to HBO; Netflix; and Hulu, plus she had all the food in the world. It was a hard deal for Rachel to say no to, so she didn’t.

Rachel soon prepared herself for rejection when going outside of Andre even speaking to her. Yet Andre was quiet and truly wasn’t paying attention to Rachel until she cleared her throat.

“Oh hi” Andre said to Rachel as she stood next to him. “Hi! I’m here on Piper’s behalf to tell you she’s an amazing girl” Rachel started as she just went straight in for the matchmaking.

Andre soon laughed before looking at Rachel with a smile. “Jesus you American girls are really forward, I’m still not used to that here” Andre admitted as he started twiddling his fingers.

“Is that why you rejected Piper?” Rachel asked, trying to get at least an answe for her friend. “Not really, she’s really pretty and everything but those kinds of girls aren’t my type anymore. I’m kind of done with them” Andre voiced out loud before sighing.

Rachel watching on as she saw a million thoughts run through his mind a minute. She soon stepped up to him and gave him a side hug trying to comfort him.

“So what’s your type? I’m kind of curious because Piper is kind of hot and every guys type” Rachel told Andre as he laughed at her. “Well your friend is hot don’t get me wrong but can you be honest with me?” Andre asked Rachel who just nodded her head yes.

“Does she like me or does she like me because of my looks and I’m a hockey player? Please be honest right now” Andre asked Rachel who genuinely thought for a second. She honestly didn’t know and this was something she never considered.

“Oh” Rachel said out loud as she gave him a small smile of sympathy. Rachel had never felt anything like this before and it was confusing for her, she wanted to be a good friend but Andre had a point.

“Exactly, I want to find someone who likes me for me” Andre confessed before running his hand through his hair before he realized it was styled a certain way. His curls now falling out and his clean cut hairstyle was now ruined causing Andre to laugh. 

“Okay here let me help you” Rachel offered before reaching up to style his hair when she felt his eyes on him, watching her with a look of concentration. “What?” Rachel asks before taking her hands down out of Andre’s hair and looking at him weirdly.

“You know, you’re really normal” Andre said as he looked at Rachel intently. This confession making Rachel confused, “Is that a good thing or...?” Rachel asked as she looked at Andre. 

“Yeah, I like normal” Andre said before Rachel smiled softly at him. “Well that’s good then” Rachel admitted before smiling at him.

“Hey do you want to get out of here?” Andre asked before holding out his hand to Rachel. Rachel soon smiled and shook her head no, “Listen I would love to but Piper is my best friend and I can’t do that to her” Rachel admitted before Andre took his hand down.

“Oh” Andre said as he nodded in understanding. “But if Piper wasn’t in the equation, totally Andre but we can be friends!” Rachel tried compromising with the Swede.

“Friends it is, I’m going to go back in and talk to Piper if that’s okay with you?” Andre asked confused as he pointed inside. “By all means” Rachel said before gesturing to the door, smiling as he walked in front of her.

“Wait Andre!” Rachel said as he touched the door knob, Andre soon turned around to face Rachel before she kissed his cheek. This causing a soft smile to spread upon Andre’s face, “What was that for?” Andre asked causing Rachel to blush.

“I don’t know it felt right but go in and woo my best friend, she really likes you” Rachel said softly before Andre went in. After he closed the door, a small tear slipped out of her eye causing Rachel to wipe away the tear and go back inside. 

There she was met with Piper and Andre laughing while dancing, Rachel knew she had made the right choice but it felt so wrong in a way.

[datauthorress]

Ashes of Night [Chapter 4: A Night Out]

Pairing: Arthur Morgan/Original Female Character

Summary: A young college student stumbles upon a man from the past, right in her very apartment. The man doesn't know why he's suddenly 119 years in the future, but maybe this is a second chance at a better life.

Warnings: Mention of past self-harm, canon character death (dream sequence), nonconsensual drug use and ill intentions.

Notes: I could barely write the dream sequence. I kept crying with every word I typed up. @the-darklings , this is for you. I sorry to give you angst.

June and July went by rather quickly, and August was soon upon them, causing Shelby to get ready for her sophomore year of college. She explained to Arthur that she would be gone from 9 AM to 4 PM, Monday through Wednesday and was going to school an hour away, so she would be leaving around 7:30 in the morning for school. And when she had homework, she would be sitting at her desk in the living room and would more than likely have headphones in, listening to music or watching videos for her classes.

Arthur understood, though he was still confused about the whole 'college' thing.

During the two months, Shelby was able to fake an ID and documents for Arthur, through a friend of hers who was an expert at hacking computers, that way he would be able to actually live in the 21st century comfortably. Hell, Shelby even taught him how to drive, as he said “jus' like ridin' a horse”.

Shelby was comfortable enough to leave Arthur at home by himself. On a Friday night, Shelby mentioned to Arthur if he wanted to go to South Bend with her, to have dinner and go out to a bar with some of her friends. He gladly agreed, having been coped up in the apartment for a while now. They rode up to South Bend, stopping at the mall quick so Shelby could pick up some more books to read. She often read at night after finishing a chapter or two, mostly when they were sitting on the couch, watching television. Shelby introduced Arthur to Netflix and Hulu, letting him watch the many shows she had on her playlist. A few times she had fallen asleep on the couch while reading, and Arthur had to carry her to her bed, noting that she was light.

After dinner, they had decided to head over to the bar, as it turned over to be 9 PM. Arthur glanced around at the neon lights, the crowd dancing and shouting. Some people were even sitting in chairs, kissing or grinding against each other, but Shelby paid them no mind. She guided Arthur to the bar, where two men were sitting, both of them sipping out of their own straw from the same drink.

Both men looked to be in their early 30's, and both had colored hair and wore outfits similar to the attire that Shelby wore.

“Hey guys.” she called over, and both men looked over at her.

“Shelby! My sweet darling!” the taller of the two exclaimed and immediately pulled the young woman into a hug, squeezing her tight. “Oh my god, girl, you're so skinny.” he said, releasing her after a few moments.

“I've been pretty busy lately. I start school up in a couple weeks.” Shelby replied. “Guys, this is my friend and roommate, Arthur.”

Arthur shook hands with both men and they began talking as Arthur ordered a beer. He found out that the men, Tripp and Dennis, were both gay and in a married relationship, having been married for two years now. Dennis, the shorter man, briefly asked Arthur a question about Shelby and it made Arthur a little unnerved.

“Has Shelby ever told you about the marks on her wrists?” Dennis asked.

Marks? Arthur furrowed his eyebrows, remembering the last time he had asked Shelby about the silvery marks on her wrists. She had told him that she was born with the marks, and that they were nothing and they didn't hurt.

“She said she was born with them.” the older man replied.

Dennis sighed quietly and shook his head. “That is a total fuckin' lie.”

“Dennis!” Tripp scolded, swatting his husband's arm. “That's not polite! Don't you dare talk about Shelby that way!”

“Arthur deserves to know the truth, babe.”

“And she'll tell him when she's ready. It took her three years for her to tell us the truth.”

Dennis sighed. “Alright, fine. I'm sorry....just...don't say anything to her, Arthur. She'll just avoid the subject entirely.”

Arthur gave a nod, and he glanced over to Shelby, who was dancing with a tall girl in black heels and a leather skirt. She wasn't really smiling, but she looked nervous, to which the girl said something to her, taking her hands in her own and smiling at her. Shelby only seemed to nod, but she still didn't smile. Maybe she wasn't enjoying herself?

When his thoughts cleared, Dennis and Tripp had vanished, leaving Arthur by himself at the bar. He looked around, and found himself in the presence of an absolutely beautiful woman, with long, blonde hair that was curled and deep sea green eyes. She was wearing a slim fitting dress that showed off her curves quite nicely and she had a twinkle in her eye that Arthur couldn't quite place. But he figured, he came here to have fun, might as well talk to some new people.

After about an hour of talking with the woman, and about four beers later, Arthur began to notice that he was warm, very warm, burning up actually. His head felt foggy, blurry and his thoughts were all over the place. He glanced around with groggy eyes, his vision blurring. He felt....confused, and odd. He felt tired. His entire body ached.

What was wrong with him? Had he drank too much? No, he wasn't drunk.....he never felt this way while drunk before. Something was very wrong.

“I gotta.....gotta go find my friend....” he slurred, getting up and immediately swaying a bit, hanging onto the bar.

“Aw, are you not having fun anymore?” the woman's voice echoed, and Arthur felt her manicured hand on his forearm. “I know a place where you can go rest.”

“Get....get off me, woman!” he shouted, or at least tried to, and yanked his arm away from her.

Arthur made his way through the shouting crowd, calling out for Shelby. He called as loud as he could, and within moments, he found himself sitting in a plush chair, his head leaned back against the back of it. He felt so tired...

“...thur?! Arthur?!”

Small hands were on his shoulders, shaking him. He opened his eyes, focusing his vision on the young woman in front of him. There was a worried expression on her beautiful face and he instantly recognized her.

“There ya are....been lookin' all over for ya...” Arthur slurred, trying to sit up, but only groaned and fell back again.

“Arthur, what happened?” Shelby asked, her fingers briefly touching his bearded jaw. “Jesus Christ, you're burning up....”

“I think I drank too much....” he mumbled, closing his eyes for a brief moment before opening them again.

“Maybe, maybe not. We're going home, Arthur. You're gonna have to help me here, I can't carry you to the car.” Shelby said, moving to his side and slinging his arm over her shoulder.

It took a moment for Arthur to move, as it was hard to breathe for him. He coughed harshly, using the arm of the chair to push himself up. Shelby wrapped her other arm around his lower back and guided him out the door, where he had to stop to cough, hacking up whatever had been put into his system. He only felt this terrible when he was starting to suffer from Tuberculosis, except there was a lot more blood and a lot more coughing. Shelby spoke soothing words to him, telling him they were almost to the car and they would be home soon.

“Okay, okay, we're here.” Shelby said, opening the passenger side door and carefully helping him sit in the passenger side. He coughed, thankfully in the other direction and breathed hard, leaning back as Shelby moved the seat belt over him and clicked it into place.

“Hey!”

Shelby glanced over from the top of the door to see a blonde woman wearing a black dress come towards her, looking like someone had taken her cell phone. “Can I help you, miss? I have to get my friend home.”

“You're his friend? Oh....my...god!” the woman shrilled, surprising Shelby. “Look at you! You're an ugly little thing....how'd he get to be friends with such a little bitch like you?”

“You did something to him, didn't you?” Shelby asked.

“I didn't do-”

“You fucking ROOFIED him?!”

When Shelby shouted, people outside went silent and gazed in the direction of the two women, one of them practically shaking with anger.

“So what?” the woman scoffed. “He would've had a fun time with me. He needs a grown woman, not a little girl like you.”

Shelby crossed the distance before the woman even realized, and the woman was knocked backwards when Shelby's curled hand came barreling across her cheek. The woman blinked away the black spots in her vision, before lunging at the younger woman, knocking her to the ground. The blonde clawed at her face and neck, digging her sharp nails into Shelby's exposed skin. Shelby fought back, effectively punching the woman in the nose and feeling the bone crack underneath her knuckles. The woman screamed out in agony and fell backwards, holding her nose as blood gushed from it.

“Serves you right!” a man shouted at the sobbing woman.

Another patron was coming out to help Shelby, but she refused help, and said she needed to get Arthur home. She glared at Dennis and Tripp, both of them who stood on the sidelines, watching the event. She flipped them off, and got in her truck, driving off as fast as she could, while still following the road laws. She trembled the entire drive, knuckles and face bloody, most of it was the other woman's blood. She wiped blood away from her cheek, checking up on Arthur every minute. He was still awake, though not very coherent.

By the time they got home, it was nearing midnight. Shelby used whatever strength she had left to carry Arthur to his bedroom, and set him on his bed, before she went to go wash her hands. Blood ran down the drain and she looked at herself in the mirror, seeing the scratches and cuts on her face and neck, the blood that came from her split lip. She quickly cleaned up and dressed in comfortable pajamas, then went back to Arthur's room. She took his boots off, hearing him mumble every now and then.

After Shelby got him comfortable enough, Arthur reached out for her, his eyes barely open. “Come....come up here....”

“Arthur, I don't-” she began.

“Please....”

Shelby went quiet at his plea, before she gave a slight nod and climbed into the bed. She scooted closer to Arthur, who groaned softly and laid his arm over her. He mumbled something underneath his breath, something that Shelby couldn't make out before he finally went unconscious, his breathing slightly wheezy. She quietly moved under the covers, staying a good comfortable distance from him. She knew he wouldn't remember anything once he woke up, as the drug caused amnesia. Her face stung, her eyes stung with tears, but she couldn't bring herself to shed them. The past two months had allowed them to get closer to each other, becoming more than just....friends. But Arthur was still new, and there were still so many things he needed to learn about this future.

Shelby sighed quietly and settled in next to the older man, her hands curled up near her chest. Her eyes closed and it wasn't long before she dozed off, comforted by soft breathing.

~

“He's....he's a rat, Dutch.”

Shelby's eyes snapped open and she glanced up, startled when she heard Arthur's voice, though much weaker and his breathing was wheezy. It was dark out, and rain was coming down from the sky. She glanced over as male voices spoke to one another, and she covered her mouth in shock as she saw two men standing, and another lying on the ground, clearly weak and in severe pain.

Arthur.

Eventually, both of the men standing left, walking away as if nothing had happened, leaving Arthur on the cold, wet ground. Tears stung her eyes as she watched in mortification as the man rolled himself onto his stomach, crawling towards what looked like a cliff. She could see the colors of the sunrise, beginning to come over the horizon.

Why....?

Shelby rushed forward and knelt down towards Arthur, a hand moving down to touch his shoulder. The man was startled and he coughed as he looked up and over his shoulder, looking up at the young woman before him.

“Let me help you, please...” she whispered.

He only gave her a single nod and Shelby helped him to the edge of the cliff. She sat down with her legs crossed, allowing Arthur to rest his head in her lap. He wheezed and coughed, his breathing becoming more shallow. His blue eyes looked up to her, as a tear rolled down the side of his face. “A...are you....an...an angel?” he whispered.

Tears formed in her eyes and she couldn't help but let them flow freely, her thumb brushing away Arthur's tear. “I...I am. It's okay, Arthur. I know it hurts, just rest....you've fought so hard.....now it's time to rest.”

Shelby watched as the older man blinked slowly and he turned his head towards the sunrise, letting out a deep breath, before he exhaled....

And no more.

His eyes slowly closed, and he relaxed, going limp in her hold. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks, and she leaned down, pressing her forehead to his, trembling.

“I'm so sorry this happened to you, Arthur....you deserved better.” she whispered, closing her eyes.

The next time she opened them, she was staring at Arthur's sleeping form, as he had rolled onto his back sometime during the night. It was still dark out, which meant the sun hadn't started to come up yet. She sniffled and sat up, glancing over at Arthur's relaxed expression. She scooted closer, reaching up with a trembling hand, gently placing the hand over his heart, feeling it beat strongly underneath her palm.

He was so real, and yet....

He had died, right there.

She placed her free hand over her mouth, muffling her sobs as she used the other hand to clutch onto his shirt slightly.

I'm so sorry, Arthur. But please...

Don't leave me.