#i went off script from the intended pages i wrote down for myself

[birdcatt]

how do pokemon write on paper without opposable thumbs? those wanted posters had to get there somehow

[blazehedgehog]

With that Sonic anniversary comic they just put out, the second story I feel they way overdid it with cramming references into every inch of every page and the third story had none of that but I felt was a funnier story overall. Does Sonic stuff overdo it with references these days?

I mean, to some degree, yes, Sonic has been overbearing with nostalgia for a long time now, but I also think that recent Sonic stuff is getting better at nostalgia, too. Starting with Sonic Mania, we’ve been seeing a greater outpouring of real, genuine love for Classic Sonic that doesn’t feel cloying like it did in, say, Sonic 4.

But I also think the second story in the 30th Anniversary book has other problems. I didn’t really mind it at first, but the more I roll it over in my head, the more it starts to sour a little bit. If you didn’t know, it’s written by Justin and Travis McElroy (and their dad, Clint, too). They do a series of podcasts and other things that have made them so mega-popular that the weight of that popularity is threatening to crush their business. 

I am indifferent to that. I listened to a lot of MBMBAM back in the day, and I always intended to try listening to The Adventure Zone (one of their other podcasts), but I ran out of time and places to listen to any podcasts. I liked MBMBAM a lot and I thankfully missed out on all the anguish and drama that would come to hound The Adventure Zone. I would not classify myself as a lover or a hater of the McElroy “brand” at this junction.

But if you told me that Justin and Travis set up a microphone, recorded themselves doing improv, and then transcribed that recording to text, I’d 100% believe that’s how this script got written. Because, like, I’ve listened to a fair amount of MBMBAM in my time, and that’s all this is. This is Justin and Travis riffing off of each other -- nothing more, nothing less.

It is so specifically their voices that I can tell you that Justin is Sonic and Travis is the driving instructor. And, like, let's be fair: this is what these guys do. The fact they probably wrote this in the way that was comfortable for them is fine. I'm not going to say they need to change anything about the process. But when I read this story, I don't hear Sonic characters. I hear Travis and Justin doing a MBMBAM bit, and then it's like somebody drew Sonic the Hedgehog artwork over the top of that, like it was one of those Youtube animatics people sometimes make of their podcast goofs. Sandwiched between two extremely loving, extremely nostalgic stories, this "Sonic Learns How to Drive" detour sticks out like a sore thumb. It doesn't line up with the vibe in the rest of the book. Seasons of Chaos? Absolutely gorgeous to look at, and it's a pitch-perfect example of how you use Classic Sonic to tell a story. There's a hard-to-describe tone to this, like somebody reached back in time to 1994 and pulled out the perfect adaptation of the Genesis games that never actually existed. Against all odds, they took the example set by Ian Flynn and Tyson Hesse's "Sonic: Megadrive" miniseries at Archie and actually made it better. Every page and every panel is like official 90′s Sega artwork come to life. At 50 or 60 pages long, it has a chance to stretch out and tell a longer contiguous story with more characters than the Megadrive mini could muster. It may not be deep or dramatic, but it doesn't need to be. It's fun, and that's what is important.

And then the book ends with "Dr. Eggman's Birthday," a sweet, endearing story where the badniks are just trying to show appreciation for their creator, who is predictably grumpy about celebrating his birthday. It's short and simple but it just made me feel good. In the middle of these two high points is a story where Sonic acts in a way that's deeply out of character, and 75% of most pages are taken up by word balloons and 30 different angles of a minivan interior. It doesn't fit. The book is a celebration of what we love about Sonic, but the McElroys don't strike me as particularly connected to the Sonic franchise and that comes through in the tone of the writing. It feels more like stunt casting. Which is where all these references come from, I think. The art is essentially trying to do all the heavy lifting. So you'll get a page that references the original announcement poster for Sonic 1, concept art for "Dr. Badvibes," the strange girl poster from Sonic Adventure, Sonic's Schoolhouse, the SegaSonic Popcorn Shop, G-Sonic, the glider from the Sonic Spinball intro, the prototype version of the Tornado from the Saturn version of Sonic Adventure, the flickies from Sonic 3D Blast, etc. All on one page. Heck, everything I mentioned is just in one panel of one page, and I didn't even cover everything. That's just the stuff I could personally identify. Basically, since the story itself wasn't going to do it, the artist went hog wild cramming in as much referential material as possible. And it's impressive, because there are cuts so deep even I didn’t know where they came from. But it doesn't really make the writing fit in any more with the rest of the book. That’s what bothers me, and the more I think about it, the less I like it. It feels down right random.

[loopy777]

RE: WIPs game: do I even want to know what Dicebenders is is it another scam how many times are the Gaang gonna get arrested for scamming

No, this time it's me scamming people. XD The dice in question are the RPG Dungeons & Dragons kind.

For a while I was doing a screencap webcomic in the style of "DM of the Rings" and "Darths & Droids" with another creative fan named Captain Boomerang. I was the scriptwriter and selected the screenshots for each panel, and Capt-BA would assemble the comics and improve my scripts (a process that did frustrate me a little, as I felt locked out of the revision process, but I did like the results. I just felt like I wasn't holding up my end of the partnership a bit). I wrote a story bible explaining the characters and storytelling rules, planned out the adaptation of the entire AtLA premiere, and had less detailed plans for the rest of the series, but we only got 6 comics in before Capt-BA went on a trip and never returned to the internet. I did manage to re-establish contact with her long enough to get permission to continue the comic, but the problem is that I have no image-editing skills whatsoever.

If I could find comic-making software that I know would do what I want and be easy to use, I wouldn't mind dropping some money on it, but everything I've looked at is trying to do lots of things I don't need. I only want a way to import existing pictures into comic grids, and then easily add dialogue bubbles. That's it. But the stuff I've found is more about image-editing than comic assembly, and it takes me an hour to put together a dialogue bubble that looks good. So I have 3 scripts that were never produced, which along with the planning docs are what's in that WIP folder, and I don't ever see myself going beyond that.

Besides, someone else already managed to complete something like this, and while I'm not a fan, I don't need to be. At this point, Dicebenders is dead. I'm glad I tried it, and it's a shame it didn't work out, but I'm happy with the other projects I've done instead.

I am squatting on an empty Tumblr for it, though.

Anyway, to share something new, here's the first section of the Story Bible I wrote to make sure Capt-BA and I were on the same page in terms of characterization. The rest of the bible details the plotlines for full series.

AVATAR: THE LAST DICEBENDER

BIBLE

Premise- A small group of players attempt to run a fantasy martial arts RPG that winds up essentially becoming the Avatar saga, or something very close. The main point of the series is comedy, based mostly on ridiculous links between Avatar and RPG's. Sometimes the humor will be in the vast difference between what happens in the comic, and what happens in the cartoon with the same screenshots. Other times, the funny will come from the unexpected ways they converge.

SPIRITUAL PREDECESSORS

DM of the Rings- The original, and my personal favorite. It's a good showcase of how to run a single quest together, while using narrative jumps to skip to the good bits.

Darths & Droids- A similar project, this stands out from its predecessor in two main ways. The players and GM are more friendly with each other, and are more or less having fun with each other. There is also a running, coherent storyline in both the game and in the lives of the players.

Benders & Brawlers- This is actually an existing attempt to do Darths & Droids with Avatar. This is helpful as an example of what we DON'T want to do, retell the Avatar story in a completely straightforward manner, with RPG players behind the characters.

CHARACTERS

None of the characters will be given real names. The players shall always be referred to by their character names, although this can be done in a teasing, ironic manner. When the characters are speaking, their dialogue bubble must always be attached to an image of the character.

The Gamemaster- The GM is a female in her early teens. She is a geek, and a bit of a social outcast for it. Nevertheless, she's trying to make that work for her, although she's not quite mature enough to make it happen yet. She has just discovered RPG's, and in her enthusiasm has gone all out in starting her own campaign. The only problem is that she doesn't know how to recruit players, so she ropes her best friend and little brother into playing with her. This is the GM's first campaign, so she'll a little in over her head. She knows the mechanics of play, and what she's supposed to be doing as GM, but doesn't have the fine skill in crafting an engaging RPG experience. Still, she wants to do her best, is willing to learn, and has a positive attitude about the whole thing. The GM has a strong crush on the Sokka player, but the only way she can express it is by having all the female NPC's flirt with the Sokka character.

Katara- Female in early teens, and the GM's best friend. Katara's player was friends with the GM from when they were both in grammar school, so while they have grown up into wildly different personality types, they are fully loyal to each other. Katara is popular, and outgoing, and doesn't care or know about geek stuff at all. She's only playing the game because the GM begged her to. At first, Katara is clueless about RPG's, and frequently questions or ridicules the mechanics of the game. She never quite gets into the idea of role-playing, but quickly takes to the idea of meta-gaming. She'll have her character act like a righteous do-gooder, because completing missions and fighting bad guys earns XP. She hoards items that will boost her stats. She'll advocate abandoning a mission/plot if it doesn't pay out enough rewards. Katara's player also can tend towards trying to Mary Sue her character, but this is inconsistent and usually shot down by everyone else.

Aang- Male in junior high, and the GM's little brother. He plays simply because his sister has cajoled him into it, and there are hints that he's getting some kind of reward or payment for it. He abuses his position by forcing the GM to give him what he wants in the game, even if it breaks the rules- access to the restricted Airbender class, the ability to bend all four elements, overloaded stats, an Avatar State that protects him from dying, a magic super flying cow ride, etc. However, it's important to note that Aang's player isn't a jerk. He's just immature, and like all kids, just always goes for what he wants via the easiest path, and doesn't realize that he may be causing trouble or hurting feelings. He's enthusiastic about trying out this RPG thing, but he has trouble coming up with any action beyond attacking or retreating. He's also hyper aware that the GM and Katara are girls. He is too old for cootie concerns, but thinks that girls are fundamentally different creatures with their own incomprehensible concerns. Having a big sister, he doesn't find this a big deal, just part of life. Aang's player is too young to be a geek. He likes cartoons and sports and fantasy and school-dramas. He also tends to follow whatever his sister likes.

Sokka- Male in late teens. This guy is your quintessential RPG player. He has is own top-quality dice, he's played campaigns and systems of all kinds, and knows the tropes of the hobby cold. He's a huge geek for all things geeky, but roleplay is easily his favorite. He's a social outcast, but he's made friends among his fellow geeks, and thinks life is just fine. Sokka's player joins when he meets the GM at the comic/games shop they both frequent. The GM was buying some sourcebooks and material to support the fantasy martial arts game she's running, and Sokka noticed, asked about it, liked what he heard, and got permission to join the game. What Sokka doesn't realize, because he is a geek and neither has experience with it or realizes it's even possible, is that the GM is sweet on him. This manifests in the character Sokka's canon luck with the ladies, only kicked up a notch. *Every single* female NPC flirts with him, whether it's appropriate or not. Sometimes player Sokka notices and tries to roleplay it, and sometimes he's just plain confused. Sokka has a few quirks. His best set of dice are his Lucky Red Dice, which always roll high when he needs it, but have been tested and proven to be fair dice. He also mandates that every character he plays use a boomerang; he was turned into a geek by the first video game he ever played, a Legend of Zelda title, and his favorite weapon from those games are the boomerang. Each of his characters has a unique, named boomerang.

Zuko- The GM's favorite NPC. She created him to be a compelling, dramatic character, with a complicated back story, moral struggles, badass loner personality, angst about his existence, a darkly noble quality, and a cool scar. The GM intended Katara to get to know Zuko, for her to try to woo him away from the side of evil, and perhaps to even have a romance with him. The PC's, however, couldn't care less about him. To them, he's just another mini-boss, and the fact that most of his character development is happening "off screen" means they don't realize that he's recruitable. A frequent gag is Zuko delivering a stirring monologue while no one pays attention.

Iroh- Background NPC. The GM tries to use him to give (ignored) hints to the players.

Toph- (tentative) A male munchkin gamer who picked a long list of weaknesses in order to get superbending. Toph's player is a friend of Sokka's player, brought in after an "incident" with his old group, and causes some initial resentment in the group when tries to show the n00bs how its done. Cowing Toph's player is a major victory for the GM.

Momo- NPC, but maybe make him a talking sidekick who gives the players hints when the GM is really exasperated?

Azula- the GM's best favorite villain. Azula is the GM unleashed, letting her take out frustrations on the players in both combat and harsh taunting. Eventually the GM comes to like the character so much, she retcons mental health issues into the character's backstory, and has her pet NPC, Zuko, spare her.

[clevercatchphrase]

2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

 Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

 Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

 Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

 Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

 Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

 The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

 To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

 Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

 Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

 Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

 And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

 Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

 ON TO 2021!

 I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

 Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

 Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

 1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

 2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

 3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

 4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

 5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

 6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

 7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

 8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

 9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

 11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

 Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

 Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

 For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

 I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

 Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

 I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

 I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

 Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

 I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

 I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

 I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

 Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

 Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

 Good night.

[softderekhale]

from the archives: snippets of a sterek pacrim au

hey y’all! i definitely haven’t been super active on this blog or tumblr at all lately, for a lot of reasons but mainly just... life. doesn’t that suck sometimes? but i really, truly hope everyone is doing well and you + your loved ones are staying safe. (long reflection + tumblr fic after the cut, lol)

i’ve been in kind of a funk with writing since the last time i “had” to do it, which was 12 days/sterek secret santa like, 6 months ago. it’s frustrating to me that i went from writing my longest fic ever exactly 2 years ago to having almost zero output now, but i’m trying not to be too hard on myself and i know writing is a really fickle pastime. anyway, this is a really long leadup, but i decided to just release some stuff i wrote into the wild. it’s either here or my google drive, so i might as well see if anyone wants to read it! 

pacific rim is undoubtedly one of my favorite movies of all time (it was only bumped down by into the spider-verse, but they’re almost tied ;D). it came out right after my sterek obsession began, and i always imagined writing a sterek au based around derek and stiles being drift compatible. that whole concept has always been so lovely to me and fits in nicely with some of my favorite soulmate-y tropes. this idea always felt too ambitious, though, and i didn’t write a single word of it until i rewatched the movie in november/december 2019. i wrote the following stuff in an extremely giddy haze over the next few weeks. i’m not good about pushing myself to write, so i never added any more, but i still really like what i had/have! i hope maybe someday i’ll feel the urge to come back to it. but anyway, here’s my completely self-indulgent homage to one of my favorite movies and one of my favorite fandoms. in my au chronology for this, following the events of the first movie, global governments and the ppdc decided to deploy jaegers for continued deep sea exploration to further benefit scientific discovery and avoid wasting such expensive tech/training. this lead to a lot of corporate interference re: treasure hunting, etc. (national treasure, but make it underwater). oh, and werewolves exist (because wouldn’t they make great jaeger pilots?!). also, A SECOND PACIFIC RIM MOVIE WAS NEVER EVER MADE. THE END. laura and derek were copilots before a kaiju-fighting incident forced them into early retirement. laura is still alive, though! (because it’s me.)

***

“Mayday! Mayday! LOCCENT, do you copy? This is Luna Geminae paging for backup. LOCCENT! Danny, we can’t hold them much longer…”

Laura’s growl of frustration rang in Derek’s ear as he strained against the beast.

“Keep holding it, Derek. You can do this. I know you can. They’re so close, Derek, they’ve gotta be. Just a few more—”

Derek never knew how Laura intended to finish that sentence. All he would ever remember was the scream that tore out of her throat. Later, he would describe it as the first time he ever understood the meaning of “bloodcurdling.”

“Laura!” Derek gritted his teeth as pain roared down his left arm, causing his vision to blur and spark white around the edges.

“My arm, Jesus, my fucking… They got my arm, Derek—” 

As water poured into the cabin above and around him, the last thing he remembered hearing was Laura’s anguished howl. Then the sky became fire, and everything went dark.

***

The day of the accident convinced Derek that his world would never stop burning.

For months after, when he lay staring at the ceiling until the early hours of the morning, the staticky shapes his eyes created to fill the darkness always melted and formed a wall of flames no matter how many times he scrunched his eyes shut and buried his face in his pillow. The noises, too — the ambient whoosh of the Dome’s ventilation system and the soft heart-like thud of the power grid soon coalesced into a unified, rhythmic chant that sounded more and more like Laura’s scream the longer Derek listened: Derek! Help!

In the days and weeks following their accident, Derek had tried every trick he could think of to reassure his subconscious that Laura was alive and safe, and would remain so even after she left his line of sight. For almost a week after she was released from the medical bay, he slept in the spare bunk above her. As reticent as he normally was to invade Laura’s privacy any more than he had to, experiencing her near-loss allowed panic and instinct to envelop Derek’s frayed nerves. He never fully explained it to Laura, but he didn’t have to — she never questioned his presence, nor did she point out that Derek always waited to fall asleep until he was certain she had already drifted off. 

Eventually, though, Derek realized the routine was leaving them both sleep-deprived and irritable. He resolved to move back to his own quarters, not wanting to smother Laura with his relentless, anxious presence. But he knew she still sensed his distress — every evening at 2300 hours, like clockwork, she knocked on his door to tell him goodnight and gently pressed her right palm against her brother’s neck before waving and returning to her own room. It was a routine they continued even now, half a decade beyond the fight that had left their Jaeger decimated. 

They had made progress, which Laura was always quick to remind her younger brother. Nothing could have prepared him for the aftermath of the accident, though, and the dark places where Derek’s mind would drift when there was no one around to distract him. Alone with his thoughts, no reassurance was strong enough to quiet Derek’s memories.

He shifted again in bed, his half-awake mind scrambling to remember the breathing exercises Deaton had taught him over the years.

Inhale through your nose. One. Two. Three. Hold. Exhale through your mouth. One. Two. Three—

Derek!

Start again. Inhale through your nose. One. Two. Three. Hold. Exhale through your mouth. Slower this time.

Good. Again.

***

This comes way after the scene above lol sorry

“Right hemisphere locked. Left hemisphere locked. Vitals are steady. Initiating neural handshake.”

Danny’s voice echoed through Derek’s head as he let his eyes flutter shut and tipped his head back. He’d been anxious about this moment for days now, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t secretly a little — or a lot — excited, too. Drifting was a heady, emotional experience, and if he and Stiles were truly compatible, Derek might finally get to settle the unease he had felt since his connection with Laura was severed.

“Alright,” Danny said. “You should be feeling it in three… two… one.”

Derek’s eyes flew open, but his gaze defocused as he felt his center of gravity list forward before returning.

As his sense of internal balance returned, the tingle of the neural link fizzed over his scalp. There it is. Slowly, then all at once, he felt the rush of Stiles’ mind meeting his own. Their emotions flowed over one another like water, memories flashing and sensations pulsing before slipping away into their shared flow of awareness. Derek had trained himself long ago to let himself float until the waters steadied, and he could feel Stiles, ever perceptive, do the same.

“Neural handshake established and holding at 100 percent.”

Without having to think twice about the gesture, Derek felt his knuckles meet his palm as he dipped into a customary bow. As he and Stiles led Luna in her first exploratory steps, Derek felt the weight of any lingering fears melt away.

With Laura, Derek had always felt like they were extensions of one another, movements and decisions cascading seamlessly from a fully unified thought process. Drifting with Stiles, though, felt unlike anything Derek had ever experienced. They were two sides of the same coin — each aggressive and reserved in equal, opposite measure. If Derek and Laura were reading from the same script, he and Stiles were finishing each others’ sentences as they improvised the same scene. 

When they first met, Derek had found Stiles anything but graceful — but now, as they nearly seemed to glide across the ocean floor, he felt foolish for not realizing the instinctive adjustments and calculations stiles was constantly making based on his surroundings. As they steered Luna across the testing ground, Derek felt his temples begin to thrum with an energy he hadn’t felt in years. Best of all, he knew Stiles felt it too — he could literally trace the path of his elation as it wrapped around Derek’s senses and amplified his own excitement.

“How are you doing?” Derek shouted across the rig. It wasn’t a question he needed to ask verbally, but he chose to anyway, knowing it would help ground them both in the present moment and prevent any stray thought spirals from taking over their link.

“So good, dude. This is — this is unreal,” Stiles replied, slicing through the air with his left arm to test the angle of the jaeger’s knuckle daggers.

Derek smiled. “Not exactly like the simulators, huh?”

“Nothing like the simulators, man. Holy shit.”

As they continued to acclimate to the drift, Derek took Stiles through a few more of Luna’s signature maneuvers. Stiles’ extensive research showed, and combined with the knowledge he and Derek now shared, the moves seemed to come naturally.

“Do you want some music?” He and Laura always played music when training, but he didn’t want Stiles to feel—

“That’s all I want right now, Derek.” Derek’s grin broadened as Stiles flicked through the controls hovering in front of him. A heavy bass line thrummed through the cabin, and Derek finally did what he never thought he would be able to again in his lifetime: he let his mind relax and free-fell into the drift.

***

Two hours after he and Stiles had eaten dinner and finally parted ways, Derek still couldn’t stop thinking about their drift.

That wasn’t unusual, all things considered — emotional transfer was common, especially for werewolves and especially during the first few drifts with a new partner.

Every time Derek thought about his connection with Stiles, though, and the experience of their emotions weaving together, his mind kept snagging in one place. It was a place that had struck Derek even during the high of the neural handshake, not because it felt odd or foreign, but because it felt hauntingly familiar — but looked ugly and sinister looming over someone else. 

It was anguish. It was a grief that had been doused in shame and set alight. It was a feeling of loss and self-loathing that made Derek feel like he was suffocating. It was exactly the way Derek had felt every day for years after the fire, and again after the accident. 

He had tried to explain it to Laura as dispassionately as possible all the times she chided him for blaming himself or expressing guilt over what happened to their family, but he never knew how to describe it until he experienced it through Stiles’ memories. It was sore, like a bruised rib, a persistent ache that radiated out from the point of impact and lingered at the edge of his consciousness. Distractions might be able to push away some of the pain, but as long as he kept breathing, it would always be there.

Derek hadn’t seen exactly where Stiles’ pain radiated from, but it seemed to shroud the memories of his mother especially strongly. Stiles told him she had been sick, though — why would he feel guilty about her death?

He sat up, his leg bouncing as he fidgeted absently with a hangnail. Since deciphering what that unexpected shared emotion reminded him of, Derek couldn’t stop thinking about it. This, he knew, was normal too — without an outlet, emotional transfer tended to create a feedback loop as a co-pilot bounced back and forth between their own memories and their partner’s. 

Before he could talk himself out of it, Derek shot up and strode to the door. It was late, almost midnight, and the full body experience of drifting had left Derek racked with fatigue. But — he just wanted to talk to Stiles. To be near him, again, as if it were a substitute for the feeling of absolute synchronicity they had just shared. It would only take a few minutes.

He was so distracted by his own jumbled thoughts that it took him a moment to register who stood just outside his door as he flung it open — it was Stiles, hand paused in mid-air.

“Stiles.” Very eloquent, Derek, he chided himself with an internal voice that sounded suspiciously like Laura.

“Oh— Well. Um. Hi.” Stiles gave a small wave before shoving his hand in his pocket. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were about to—“

“I was about to find you.”

Stiles paused. “Really?”

Derek stepped back, nodding toward the doorway. “Really. Do you want to come in?”

As he and Stiles stood facing each other silently, Derek scrambled for exactly what he wanted to say. Everything was so effortless when they were in the drift. Why was it so hard to find the words now?

To his relief, Stiles was the one who broke the silence. “Sorry, I’m sure you’re tired… I’m just kind of keyed up, I guess, and I couldn’t—“ Stiles ducked his head down. “I don’t know. I thought it might help to see you.”

“Don’t apologize. You have good instincts,” Derek assured him. “And I— I wanted to see you too,” he added, feeling the tips of his ears heat. 

He could almost feel Stiles’ sigh of relief in his own chest. “Can I sit?”

“Of course.” Derek scooped a discarded pile of clothes off his bed and gingerly sat down after Stiles, mindful of the careful space between them. “Are you feeling okay?”

Stiles’ eyebrows jumped. “Yeah, I feel fine, I really do, but I just feel… jumpy, I guess. Which is normal for me, but I can tell this is different. I don’t know how I know, but…” he trailed off, gesturing abstractly in front of him.

Derek nodded. “I know what you mean. You can’t really prepare for the drift until you’ve done it,” he said, remembering how disjointed he felt after his first few test runs. “But it gets easier,” he added.

Stiles shook his head. “I’m not worried about it. I trust you.” His eyes shot up to meet Derek’s, as if challenging him to dispute the steady, honest heartbeat behind his words. 

Derek was surprised to feel something behind his eyes sting at the pronouncement. He looked away from Stiles’ scrutinizing gaze, but he felt the other man’s eyes continue to study him. “I’m glad. I— that means a lot to me.”

Stiles nodded, remaining thoughtfully silent. Derek sensed he wanted to ask something, but wasn’t ready to admit it on his own.

“Is there anything I can do?” Derek asked gently, eyes seeking Stiles’ again.

Stiles looked pointedly away and bit at his thumbnail. “Um. It sounds stupid now. But I read… I read that physical contact can help,” he mumbled, so quickly Derek might not have caught it without his magnified hearing.

He realized Stiles’ admission may have felt embarrassing for a human, but for Derek, it was almost a relief. He reached forward slowly and cupped his hand over Stiles’ shoulder with a light squeeze. 

“It’s not stupid. You felt how intense the drift is. When you separate from a complete mental overlap, it can be disorienting. And you know how tactile wolves are — that makes it even harder for us, so you’re probably getting some of this from my own emotional bleed.” He didn’t miss the way Stiles melted into his touch, his whole body swaying into their point of contact.

Stiles nodded. “Yeah. That makes sense. Thanks,” his gaze flicked up to meet Derek’s.

“Do you—“ Derek didn’t really know how to ask for more contact. It came so naturally with other werewolves, so he’d never really had to think about it before. “I don’t want to touch you in a way you’re not comfortable with. But if you want to lay down, or you want me to lay down or…” He took a sharp, steadying breath. “I’m trying to say that I understand, and I think it will make us both feel better, and I’m fine with whatever level of contact you’re okay with.”

Stiles laughed, a bright and unexpected break in the tension. “Jesus. Listen to us. I feel ridiculous, but— Thank you. You’re very considerate.” He paused, expression drawing almost imperceptibly tighter. “I want that too, though. I want you to feel comfortable. If you’re not, if there’s anything I do— I promise I’ll ask, first, and if you can tell me, I want you to.” 

Derek felt a lump rise in his throat. Stiles’ words were sincere, but carefully chosen. He wasn’t sure how much of his own memories Stiles had observed, but it seemed to have been enough to understand that physical touch had once been a powerful weapon wielded against him.

“Thank you,” he answered quietly, before gently tugging at Stiles’ arm. “Here, lay down.”

The bed was barely wide enough for both of them to lay side by side, but it was just enough space for both men to settle on their backs with their elbows carefully layered between them. Derek hesitated for a moment before angling his head against Stiles’ neck. “Is this okay?”

Stiles hummed in agreement, the back of his hand flitting against Derek’s so softly he almost thought he imagined it. “This is perfect.” He inhaled deeply through his nose and tilted his head closer to Derek’s. They lay silently for a handful of minutes, and the rhythmic in-out of Stiles’ breathing nearly lulled Derek to sleep.

Suddenly, Derek felt Stiles still. “Why were you about to come look for me?”

Derek huffed. “I wanted to see you.”

“What, you had to check in on the rookie who can’t handle a drift?” Stiles’ tone was light, devoid of any real offense, and he jostled his shoulder gently against Derek’s.

“You did great. If anything, I— I hadn’t done it in so long, and Laura was my only co-pilot before you.” Derek frowned, remembering the heavy emotions of Stiles’ that had ensnared him earlier. He didn’t want to overwhelm Stiles, but he also wanted him to know that he both empathized with and thought highly of him. 

“I never thought I would get in a rig again,” Derek continued. “I don’t think I trusted myself enough. I carry… I carry a lot of guilt, Stiles. But when I thought about piloting with you, the guilt didn’t win. You’re the first person who’s been capable enough, smart enough, strong enough, that I didn’t have to worry.” 

Stiles didn’t respond at first, and a flash of panic seized Derek before he felt strong, warm fingers curl around his own.

“I won’t let you down,” Stiles said, his voice nearly a whisper and rough with emotion.

“I don’t think you could,” Derek whispered back, before he let his eyes slip shut and exhaustion overtake him.

***

When Derek awoke the next morning, he was startled — but it wasn’t in reaction to the way Stiles had draped himself over Derek in his sleep. Feeling Stiles’ arms around his waist felt oddly natural. The surprising part was how well he had slept — it was the first night of uninterrupted slumber he could remember having in months, if not longer.

***

yeah so... that’s all for now! if you read this, thanks and i hope you’re doing well!!! ❤️ 

[insertdisc5]

how do you plan/script your comics? (sorry if this has been asked before!)

hi! I kinda talked about how i plan comics here and here, if it helps! But hey you asked and it made me happy so have a longer post.

For Coffee (since it’s my latest big comic i can talk about it in a bit more detail) it started with me just staring blankly into space, trying to find a Cool Idea that was in line with my theme for this comic (”dream team”), and then THIS MOMENT came to me:

(a panel of someone stabbing someone!!! STAB!!!!!)

(a panel of someone looking down at someone else, tired and weary)

(another panel, they look at someone on the ground (alive? dead?)) “I dont think we can keep doing this, XXXX.” 

or, as I wrote it in my rough notes:

which only makes sense to myself, cuz thats MY notes. 

but yeah i saw this moment and i was like ooooOOOOOOOH MAN!!!! DUDE!!!! THATS GOOD SHIT!!!!! WOAH!!!!! YEYYEYAYAYH

I actually intended for this to be the very start of Coffee! you know, kind of a “HOW DID WE GET TO THIS?” prologue. but then it didnt make sense with the story i created so i had to cut it, boo!!!

and then from that I wrote the dialogue! Just little snippets, from that one moment, trying to figure out how we got here- who’s XXXX? who’s stabbing them? why? BETRAYAL? what are they tired of? WHATS GOING ON HERE? LET’S FIND OUT

and then it’s just writing snippets and putting them in some kinda order and also who cares about punctuation or names or anything that might help someone that’s not me figure out what the hell is going on

(keymashes are placeholders) (i did learn how to write scripts once upon a time but i draw comics on my own so who needs a well written script HUH?)

when i write my dialogue i usually have a basic idea of how each panel is gonna look, how many panels, etc, but i dont usually worry about that, this is the DIALOGUE stage DIALOGUE is IMPORTANT!!!!! 

(if i do write down visual cues at this stage theyre still unknown to anyone but me. what does “aaaah” mean visually? BELIEVE ME, I KNOW.)

but adrienne this comic was for a comic jam thing and the constraint was that your comic needed to have a quote from a movie/tv show! oh yeah so i was like “hm if theyre assassins, something from the godfather maybe lmao” and i figured i’d think about it later and!!! while i was writing the dialogue i was like “and then X says ‘you think you can be happy without me or something.... stupid... NO WAY BABY, I’M IT’“ and i was like “THATS SUCH A GOOD LINE???? THATS SUCH A GOOD LINE THERES NO WAY I CAME UP WITH THAT SHIT” and i didnt because it was from Gone Girl. (taps side of my head) dont need to find a quote if ya brain just does it by itself

and then when i have all my dialogue pretty much 90% figured out its FIGURING OUT THE CHARACTER DESIGNS TIME

(nailed it first try) (also didnt figure out the barista’s design cuz this dummy only appears for one and a half panels!!!!! who cares about you barista guy. no one. except Y)

and then its EXCEL TIME

(each line is a panel) (i never fill the status column anymore because i try to draw pages chronologically so... i usually know where im at lmao)

at that stage i have a better idea of what’s on each page, in each panel, and i usually refine the dialogue here as well. this whole thing till now took like three, four hours

also i dont know where to put this but i always try to... kind of foreshadow the end thru expressions... and so i always keep in mind what each character is feeling at every panel! i dont always write it down but i ALWAYS remember. what i mean to say is that the second Y was like “arent you tired of this” X was immediately like “ooooooooooh this binch wants to leave me time to play dumb”

and then it’s thumbnails time

all done on procreate this time because it’s easier/faster/makes my drawings more loose and fun! just the thumbnails though because no text on procreate (AT THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!). just trying out poses and expressions, not really focusing on layout because weh. also at that stage i cut off one page! i had it roughed out but i cut it! right after X goes “lmao you’ll never have a normal life you loser” i IMMEDIATELY had a page with just. X’s dead body. eyes open and all. and it freaked me out!!!! so i removed it lmao that was too jarring even for me and i drew the damn thing. so BUH BYE

this took me. six hours...?

and then actual pages on photoshop!

(not pictured: refs and youtube with some kingdom hearts LPs open on my other screen)

and then drawing all the pages and resizing and exporting to PDF and then i went to bed cuz it was 3am. 

that’s how cha girl plans comics i hope it helped and anyway it’s fine if it didnt because im gonna be honest i love writing about my process. thank you for reading

[comicteaparty]

February 29th-March 6th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from February 29th, 2020 to March 6th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What is the thing you’re proudest about regarding your story?

Deo101 [Millennium]

I hope saying "That I'm actually doing it, and that I'm still doing it and loving every minute of it" Is an okay answer ^^ there is a lot that I am very proud of myself for with regards to this comic, but I think I take the most pride in actually sticking with something for this long.

carcarchu

I agree with deo, sticking with it is what i'm most proud of and it's probably one of the hardest things to do

Capitania do Azar

Hah I can't say I'm proud of everything, right?

It's hard to put it in words but I really enjoy the comic making process and I'm proud of what I'm accomplishing with it, both in terms of writing and of art. And I think it's rather visible that I put a ton of effort into it

Spring-heeled Jack

I am proud that I prepped ahead of time because the last two times I tried, I didn't. Both times I got about 10 pages in and quit because I felt overwhelmed. With the story itself, I think I'm proud of my characters. Characters are the easiest part for me (plot and central conflict I always flounder on) but I'm still so pleased with them.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

For me, it's just getting the work out there. Actually finishing chapters. compared to the first comic story I want to put out, this story I know for sure where its going and gives me a sense of ease? There's some days when I feel i'm slumping along but in the end, I'm pretty happy how it turned out. Pretty much what Deo and carcarchu said lol: my story is long but not super long, but I'm glad I'm still working on it among my other stories I want to share (edited)

Ash🦀

For me, what I'm most proud of is my artist, Katie. We're a collaborative team, I'm just the writer so I don't do much. And she takes my words and just... adds so much life to them. Seeing every page she makes is so amazing. Every time she's growing in her style in leaps and bounds, and seeing her push her lighting, expressions, and unusual panel styles, ugh, it's just so cool seeing her grow. I am so proud of her and what she's done, she's a total rockstar and I love her. I couldn't have done this without her, and every day I'm more grateful to her.

DanitheCarutor

That is a really good question, I don't really show pride in stuff I do usually. I guess the closest to being proud was either when my new comic passed the stopping mark for my old comic, which was discontinued at chapter 3, or when I got chapter 1 rescanned for print recently. The latter was kinda challenging because I rebubbled the whole chapter, and how I rebubbled was a little... awkward, pasting over the old bubbles in photoshop afterward.

Sorry! Apparently the image file was weird.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I actually semi-recently wrote a raving tweet thread relevant to this topic. Basically, for years and years, I did not know what it meant to be proud of your work. I've been happy with my work, both the process and the result. But was "proud of my work" completely synonymous with "happy with my work"? I legit did not know. Even asked a former English teacher friend, who's very good at explaining this sorta things, and I still didn't get it. Then as I made progress through the most recent chapter, I noticed this brand new, strange feeling welling up in me. Yep, you guessed it. For the first time ever after starting this comic, I was proud of what I was making. Not just happy with it, but proud of it. Took me a while to realize, oh, this is proud. Afterward, something happened IRL that temporarily borked my sense of time (one specific week felt like months). So because it felt like it had been months since I made it, I got to experience the last couple pages of the chapter as a reader, not its creator. And I gotta say, thank you past me, you've made something truly heartfelt, and you had every reason to be proud of this. In short: I'm proud of how my comic is an honest reflection of what my heart wants to see, what I want to read. And I'm proud of my most recent chapter being the pinnacle of that. I hope to make more, higher pinnacles down the road, as I continue my way through this story.

spacerocketbunny

I'm proud of how me and @FeatherNotes(Krispy) have shaped our characters and fleshed them out! I'm also super proud of our team dynamic and how if something didn't feel right in the story or art etc., we've always challenged it and come up with something better and stronger! Because we've been so thorough and willing to reconsider, I'm always perfectly comfortable to stand by what we've put out there, even if we've had to go back and fix past mistakes!

Mei

Hoh boy, the thing I'm proudest about in My Husband is a Cultist is the audience interaction. I've been told the comic is funny, and that makes me immensely chuffed, because it means I'm doing something right. I'm always so nervous when putting my work out there with how it's going to be received. That seeing people engage with the story and find it funny and liking the characters... it just warms my heart so much, and it makes me truly feel like I'm on the right path. I'm also pretty proud of the stuff I've written that's not been featured in the comic yet. I look forward to developing those and making them come to life, and I hope people enjoy the grittier parts of this strange comedy as much as I do! And mostly I'm proud that I'm still doing it and haven't given up yet. My lord, I just don't know how it's gonna keep going! but hopefully just onwards and upwards!

eli [a winged tale]

Reading through all of these and I’m so touched. Super proud of you all!

I’m most proud in finally chasing my dreams. Life threw me a bunch of curveballs and creating this comic is a reflection of how I dealt with things and at the same time be thankful for what I have. When I reread my comic I can see mistakes but I also see parts of myself that are genuine. I can’t wait to continue on the story and let the comic be part of my life moving forwards

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My comic went on so long behind the scenes before I was comfortable enough to share it, so I tend to think of my past self quite differently than my current self. So, I'm very proud of 'past me!' She started the project completely unaware of how long it would last or what it would become - just a few characters and story threads and a whoooole lot of ambition - and my present self has had the pleasure of weaving those threads into a project I'm truly proud of. The comic has brought me so much joy - much of it delayed, like a ticking time bomb - and it's all thanks to my younger self. She wasn't sure of what she was doing - but now I know she made some excellent decisions in the beginning. I'm very grateful she started all of this. It's made my life all the more joyful

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I got a BUFFER. My first non-fancomic died because of work-comittments and lack of buffer, but on Nyx+Nyssa I manage to work ahead. More than anything I am proud of the discipline I developed to allow for that.

FeatheryJustice

I'm proud of almost completing Teasday. I had some long hiatuses but I will finish the story for now. Also proud of where I grown from the beginning of that story to now. The time and effort shows that I did do a lot, which makes me really happy to know.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I'm proud of a lot of the work that goes into my comic, but what I'm most proud of was this page. I wanted this to be grand and a pivotal moment if what the comic was about. I don't think even a couple years I could've done anything at this scale, but I split the areas into chunks that I completed over the span of two weeks. Always look upon this page fondly.

eli [a winged tale]

That is gorgeous!

Spring-heeled Jack

Impressive!

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I can point out four moments in Super Galaxy Knights http://sgkdr.thecomicseries.com/comics/ that I'm the most proud of - 1. The end of Book 1 Chapter 4. Chapter 4 was intended to be a big "growing the beard" moment for the comic's action setpieces - the first three chapters were more about introducing characters and plot elements than actual action, so I consider chapter 4 to be the first "real" fight of the comic. The way the action was presented in chapter 4 would go on to represent how action would be presented throughout the rest of the comic, and IMO I pulled it off fantastically. 2. The end of Book 1. Kinda self-explanatory, but Book 1 was the first major story arc of the comic - the fact that I managed to pull together a satisfying conclusion, something that I theoretically could have ended the comic on, was super satisfying to me. 3. This page: http://sgkdr.thecomicseries.com/images/comics/160/30997a1543363807f2141157006.gif . When I wrote in my Book 2 script "they fight for a bit in a big looping animation" back in 2016 I was hoping my animation skills would advance to the point where I could pull it off. And it turns out, they did. 4. Well... today. Ever since starting the comic back on leap day 2016, I knew today would be a big milestone, and I'm proud of myself for sticking with this project long enough to get to this four year mark.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

oh my god, that looks incredible and I've never seen a page like that before!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I am not very far into my comic, but when I try to think about what I am most proud of in my work, it is definitely all the behind-the-scenes work I have put into the comic. The world-building. The map-making, language developing, culture exploring, building a political structure, writing histories, character work, etc. All this time and energy I devoted to something that wouldn't be seen by others for many years to come. It is only now starting to come to fruition, despite technically having been working on this project since 2014, with the first scripts, the first character designs, and the first paragraphs about the world of Whispers of the Past. All this work that nobody will ever see. I am proud of sticking with it and putting my heart and soul into it despite the lack of return for so long. I have given up my adolescence to this project, and I am giving up the rest of my youth. But when I think about it, there is no worthier recipient. Because without this story, I feel like a large part of my identity would be gone.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Thank you @Eightfish (Puppeteer) ! The storyboarding alone for that animation took a week so I'm glad you like it!

eli [a winged tale]

I totally get you Cronaj! So much goes behind the scenes but that creates the world’s depths and it will resonate with readers! continues dedicating the rest of my life to comics

SL Black

@Cronaj (Whispers of the Past) yes! There is so much prep work involved. I have three full scripts for UO that will never see the light of day (mostly because they are terrible). Comics are such a marathon. All that hard work will be appreciated so much by your readers!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@SL Black Man... That sounds like me. I myself went through at least 3 scripts too. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about the BTS work

Desnik

I'm proud that I'm putting myself out there with a WIP comic script and learning how to not only write, but collaborate with other writers.

renieplayerone

Im really proud that i started a comic and have stuck with it for a year and just how much ive learned by making it^^

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm proud that even after 70 pages I've never missed a scheduled update!(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Awe yeee thats always good to have a streak like that!

eli [a winged tale]

That is #goals!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Agreed!

[starringemiliaclarke]

Emilia Clarke on Game of Thrones finale's shock twist: 'I stand by Daenerys'

Emilia Clarke read a paragraph in the final script for Game of Thrones.

She read it again and again. Seven times, she says, she read the words that revealed the devastating fate of Daenerys Targaryen, a character she’s portrayed on the HBO global phenomenon for nearly a decade.

“What, what, what, WHAT!?” the actress recalls thinking. “Because it comes out of f—king nowhere. I’m flabbergasted. Absolutely never saw that coming.”

It was October 2017. The actress had recently completed filming Solo: A Star Wars Story and had just returned to London following a brief vacation. She electronically received the scripts the moment she landed at Heathrow and recalls that she “completely flipped out,” turned to her traveling companion and said, “‘Oh my god! I gotta go! I gotta go!’ And they’re like, ‘You gotta get your bags!’”

Once at home, the actress prepared herself. “I got myself situated,” she says. “I got my cup of tea. I had to physically prepare the space and then begin reading them.”

Clarke swiped through pages: Daenerys arrives at Winterfell and Sansa doesn’t like her. She discovers Jon Snow is the true heir to the Iron Throne and isn’t thrilled. She fights in the battle against the Night King and survives, but loses longtime friend and protector Ser Jorah Mormont. Then her other close friend and advisor Missandei dies too. Varys betrays her. Jon Snow pulls away. Having lost half her army, two dragons, and nearly everybody she cares about, Daenerys goes full Tagaryen to win: She attacks King’s Landing and kills … thousands of civilians? Daenerys’ longtime conquest achieved, she meets with Jon Snow in the Red Keep throne room and … and then … then he …

“I cried,” Clarke says. “And I went for a walk. I walked out of the house and took my keys and phone and walked back with blisters on my feet. I didn’t come back for five hours. I’m like, ‘How am I going to do this?’”

Sitting next to Clarke on the flight, as it so happens, was Kit Harington, who plays Jon Snow. Harington deliberately hadn’t yet read the scripts so he could experience the story for the first time with all his castmates. Clarke, positively bursting with wanting to talk about her storyline, found the flight maddening. “This literally sums up Kit and I’s friendship,” she says, and sputtered: “Boy! Would you? Seriously? You’re just not?…”

At the table read, Clarke sat across from Harington so she could “watch him compute all of this.” When they got to their final scene together, recalls Harington, “I looked at Emilia and there was a moment of me realizing, ‘No, no…’”

And Clarke nodded back, sadly, ‘Yes…’

“He was crying,” Clarke says. “And then it was kind of great him not having read it.”

The main story driver of Game of Thrones’ final season is the evolution of Daenerys Targaryen from one of the show’s most-loved heroes into a destroyer of cities and would-be dictator. Author George R.R. Martin calls his saga “A Song of Ice and Fire.” Jon Snow is the stable, immovable ice of Winterfell; Daenerys the conquering, unpredictable fire of Dragonstone. After years apart, they came together in season 7. The duo fell in love, help saved the realm from a world-annihilating supernatural threat and, in the series finale, their coupling is destroyed — Daenerys perishes, while a devastated Jon Snow is banished to rejoin the Night’s Watch.

Was this ending Martin’s original plan? The author told showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss the intended conclusion to his unfinished novels years ago but, since then, the HBO version has made several narrative detours. The showrunners are not giving interviews about episode 6 (and told EW they plan to spend the finale offline — “drunk and far away from the Internet” as Benioff put it).

Regardless of the final season’s narrative’s origin, the Thrones writers have planned Dany’s fate for years and have foreshadowed the dark turn in the storyline. In previous seasons, producers would sometimes ask Clarke to play a scene a bit different than what she expected for a seemingly heroic character. “There’s a number of times I’ve been like: ‘Why are you giving me that note?’” Clarke says. “So yes, this has made me look back at all the notes I’ve ever had.”

After Episode 5, “The Bells,” the reaction to Dany’s “Mad Queen” turn has been explosive and frequently negative. Some critics insist Daenerys doesn’t have the capacity for such monumental evil and the twist is an example of female characters being mishandled on the series. Others say Dany’s unstable sociopathic tendencies were indeed established, but the final season moved too fast and flubbed its execution.

For Clarke, the final season arc required mapping out a series of turning points. Dany’s attack on King’s Landing might have seemed abrupt, but from the beginning of the season Daenerys has reacted with increasing anger, desperation and coldness to one setback after another, shifting the Mother of Dragons into new emotional territory that would ultimately lead to her destruction.

Sitting in her dressing room on the set of Thrones last spring, Clarke broke down Daenerys’ entire season 8 internal journey leading up to the apocalyptic King’s Landing firebombing in a single breathless monologue.

“She genuinely starts with the best intentions and truly hopes there isn’t going to be something scuttling her greatest plans,” she says. “The problem is [the Starks] don’t like her and she sees it. She goes, ‘Okay, one chance.’ She gives them that chance and it doesn’t work and she’s too far to turn around. She’s made her bed, she’s laying in it. It’s done. And that’s the thing. I don’t think she realizes until it happens — the real effect of their reactions on her is: ‘I don’t give a s—t.’ This is my whole existence. Since birth! She literally was brought into this world going, ‘Run!’ These f—kers have f—ked everything up, and now it’s, ‘You’re our only hope.’ There’s so much she’s taken on in her duty in life to rectify, so much she’s seen and witnessed and been through and lost and suffered and hurt. Suddenly these people are turning around and saying, ‘We don’t accept you.’ But she’s too far down the line. She’s killed so many people already. I can’t turn this ship around. It’s too much. One by one, you see all these strings being cut. And there’s just this last thread she’s holding onto: There’s this boy. And she thinks, ‘He loves me, and I think that’s enough.’ But is it enough? Is it? And it’s just that hope and wishing that finally there is someone who accepts her for everything she is and … he f—king doesn’t.”

And losing Missandei? “There’s a number of turning points you see for Daenerys in the season, but that’s the biggest break. There’s nothing I will not do after losing Missandei and seeing the sacrifice she was prepared to make for her. That breaks her completely. There’s nothing left to making a tough choice.”

Executing Varys for treason? “She f—king warned him last season. We love Varys. I love [actor Conleth Hill]. But he changes his colors as many times as he wants. She needs to know the people who are supporting her regardless. That was my only option, essentially, is what I mean.”

Burying Cersei Lannister under the collapse of the Red Keep? “With Cersei, it’s a complete no-brainer. Lady’s a crazy motherf—ker. She’s going down.”

Yet Clarke also had another, more personal reaction to Dany’s meltdown. “I have my own feelings [about the storyline] and it’s peppered with my feelings about myself,” she admits. “It’s gotten to that point now where you read [comments about] the character you [have to remind yourself], ‘They’re not talking about you, Emilia, they’re talking about the character.”

Like many actors who have played the same role for a long time, Clarke identifies with her character and has put much of herself into the role. She believes in Daenerys’ confidence, idealism and past acts of compassion. As the actress wrote in a New Yorkeressay in March, she played the Breaker of Chains through some life-threatening personal hardships, secretly enduring two brain aneurysms during her early years on the show. “You go on set and play a badass and you walk through fire and that became the thing that saved me from considering my own mortality,” she wrote. Clarke has drawn strength from Daenerys and infused Daenerys with her strength.

“I genuinely did this, and it’s embarrassing and I’m going to admit it to you,” Clarke says. “I called my mom and—“ Clarke shifts into a tearful voice to perform the conversation as she reenacts the call: “I read the scripts and I don’t want to tell you what happens but can you just talk me off this ledge? It really messed me up.’ And then I asked my mom and brother really weird questions. They were like: ‘What are you asking us this for? What do you mean do I think Daenerys is a good person? Why are you asking us that question? Why do you care what people think of Daenerys? Are you okay?’”

“And I’m all: ‘I’m fine! … But is there anything Daenerys could do that would make you hate her?’”

During EW’s visit to Northern Ireland last March, I took a walk with co-executive producer Bryan Cogman into the dark woods near the production camp. It was around midnight and bitterly cold. Our boots scrunched on the muddy gravel and the bustling sounds of crew activity from the set slowly receded into the distance.

“Emilia has been threading that needle beautifully this season,” Cogman says. “It’s the hardest job anybody has on this show.”

As we pass crew members our voices cautiously go silent. While Dany’s Mad Queen arc was known by all, her death in the finale was a secret even among many who work on the show. Killing Daenerys was a massive and difficult move. On a show that’s introduced dozens of distinctive breakout characters, Daenerys is arguably the most easily identifiable and iconic. She is T-shirts and coffee mugs and posters and bobbleheads and memes and the name of hundreds of kids around the world with GoTfan parents; a fearless figure of female empowerment.

“I still don’t know how I feel about a lot of what happens this season and I helped write it,” Cogman says. “It’s emotionally very challenging. It’s designed to not feel good. That said, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. The best drama is the type you have to think about. There’s a dangerous tendency right now to make art and popular culture to feel safe for everybody and make everybody feel okay when watching and I don’t believe in that. The show is messy and grey and that’s where it’s always lived — from Jaime pushing a little boy out the window to Ned Stark’s death to the Red Wedding. This is the kind of story that’s meant to unsettle you and challenge you and make you think and question. I think that was George’s intent and what David and Dan wanted to do. However you feel about the final episodes of this show I don’t think anybody will ever accuse us of taking the easy way out.”

I point out Daenerys’ final season arc shifts the entire series, or at least her role in it. Upon rewatch, every Daenerys scene will now be viewed differently; the story of the rise of a villain more than a hero.

“Yes, although I don’t know if she’s a villain,” Cogman says. “This is a tragedy. She’s a tragic figure in a very Shakespearean and Greek sense. When Jon asks Tyrion [in the finale] if they were wrong and Tyrion says, ‘Ask me again in 10 years,’ I think that’s valid.”

Tyrion actor Peter Dinklage says the showrunners on set compared Dany’s dragon-bombing of King’s Landing to the U.S. dropping nuclear bombs on the Japanese cities Hiroshima and Nagasaki to decisively end World War II in 1945. “That’s what war is,” Dinklage says. “Did we make the right choices in war? How much longer would [WWII] have gone on if we didn’t make horrible decisions? We love Daenerys. All the fans love Daenerys, and she’s doing these things for the greater good. ‘The greater good’ has been in the headlines lately… when freeing everyone for the greater good you’re going to hurt some innocents along the way, unfortunately.”

Gwendoline Christie, who plays Brienne of Tarth, adds there’s another political lesson to be learned in the final season as well. “The signs have actually always been there,” Christie says of Daenerys. “And they’ve been there in ways we felt at the time were just mistakes or controversial. At this time, it’s important to question true motives. This show has always been about power and, more than ever, it’s an interesting illustration that people in pursuit of power can come in many different forms and we need to question everything.” 

Killing Daenerys also forever changes Jon Snow, leading to his circular fate: returning to serve the rest of his life at The Wall. Harington spoke about the show’s finale in a production tent on the season 8 set, his voice so cautiously low a recorder could barely pick him up. Harington explained he avoids talking about the death scene on the set, and he and Clarke came up with a secret hand signal to refer to it — touching a fist to their heart.

“I think it’s going to divide,” Harington says of the finale’s fan reaction. “But if you track her story all the way back, she does some terrible things. She crucifies people. She burns people alive. This has been building. So, we have to say to the audience: ‘You’re in denial about this woman as well. You knew something was wrong. You’re culpable, you cheered her on.’”

Harington adds he worries the final two episodes will be accused of being sexist, an ongoing criticism of GoT that has recently resurfaced perhaps more pointedly than ever before. “One of my worries with this is we have Cersei and Dany, two leading women, who fall,” he says. “The justification is: Just because they’re women, why should they be the goodies? They’re the most interesting characters in the show. And that’s what Thrones has always done. You can’t just say the strong women are going to end up the good people. Dany is not a good person. It’s going to open up discussion but there’s nothing done in this show that isn’t truthful to the characters. And when have you ever seen a woman play a dictator?”

There’s plenty of tragedy for Jon as well, he points out. “This is the second woman he’s fallen in love with who dies in his arms and he cradles her in the same way,” Harington notes. “That’s an awful thing. In some ways, Jon did the same thing to [his Wildling lover] Ygritte by training the boy who kills her. This destroys Jon to do this.”

Back in Clarke’s dressing room, the actress is preparing to film one of her final scenes on the series. Understandably, she can’t quite bring herself to feel sorry for Jon Snow.

“Um, he just doesn’t like women does he?” Clarke quips. “He keeps f—king killing them. No. If I were to put myself in his shoes I’m not sure what else he could have done aside from … oh, I dunno, maybe having a discussion with me about it? Ask my opinion? Warn me? It’s like being in the middle of a phone call with your boyfriend and they just hang up and never call you again. ‘Oh, this great thing happened to me at work today —hello?’ And that was 9 years ago…”

Clarke’s phone call metaphor is characteristically witty, and the actress has given some fascinating insight about the season as a whole. But nothing yet quite feels like the bottom, the blunt truth of how she feels about Daenerys’ fate.

“You’re about to ask if me — as Emilia — disagreed with her at any point,” Clarke intuits. “It was a f—king struggle reading the scripts. What I was taught at drama school — and if you print this there will be drama school teachers going ‘that’s bulls—t,’ but here we go: I was told that your character is right. Your character makes a choice and you need to be right with that. An actor should never be afraid to look ugly. We have uglier sides to ourselves. And after 10 years of working on this show, it’s logical. Where else can she go? I tried to think what the ending will be. It’s not like she’s suddenly going to go, ‘Okay, I’m gonna put a kettle on and put cookies in the oven and we’ll just sit down and have a lovely time and pop a few kids out.’ That was never going to happen. She’s a Targaryen.”

“I thought she was going to die,” she continues. “I feel very taken care of as a character in that sense. It’s a very beautiful and touching ending. Hopefully, what you’ll see in that last moment as she’s dying is: There’s the vulnerability — there’s the little girl you met in season 1. See? She’s right there. And now, she’s not there anymore…”

A crew member comes for Clarke and she stands up. It’s time for her to go. Clarke begins to walk away, turns around, breaks away from the staffer, and comes back.

There’s one last thing she wants you to know.

“But having said all of the things I’ve just said…” Clarke says. “I stand by Daenerys. I stand by her! I can’t not.”

Source

Emilia Clarke on Game of Thrones finale’s shock twist: ‘I stand by Daenerys’ was originally published on Enchanting Emilia Clarke | Est 2012

[lethe-distillery-blog]

Tall, Dark, and Fictional

I stepped through the door and took a long deep breath, appreciating the smell of old paper, glue, a miasma hanging thick in the air. The second hand bookstore on the corner of Fifth and Main didn't have a proper name so far as anyone I knew was aware but if you mentioned either 'The Book Store' or the owner Bartholomew, everyone who did any sort of reading in the surrounding area knew exactly who or where you were talking about. It wasn't a big shop, though that was difficult to discern, six hundred square feet or so I think though the floor to ceiling bookshelves or random stacks of books at the end like hastily thrown together end caps created a winding labyrinth that shrunk the already small space into something that felt almost like a giant hug from old friends.

 I smiled as much as I could at Bartholomew, he refused to answer to Bart, who sat behind the counter; he wasn't an old man, despite his name, in fact he didn't look much over thirty with eyes that were a deep royal shade of blue and auburn hair and a comfortable personality. I saw where he had his own book neatly set on top of a tiny table that served as a checkout, though it too was piled with books. He waved me over. "I have something for you." Being a regular had special perks with Bartholomew, he tended to follow what you bought and then be helpful and warn you if you accidentally bought a second copy, or if he got something in that he thought you might like. Where he stored all of that information, I had no idea. Especially since that was all on top of his store and the knowledge he needed for that as well as any personal life he may have. My mood must have shown as I walked over because I saw the slightest frown on his features. It wasn't that his lips had turned down but there were a couple faint wrinkles between the eyebrows from them drawing together ever so subtly. In all the years I had known him, I hadn’t known him to express emotion much, my guess was that he was slightly autistic. "That asshole bugging you again?"

 I flinched reflexively as memories came floating back. "Yeah." It came out weaker than I wanted, I hated that I let people affect me so much. It wasn't like I wasn't used to bullies, in fact, I had been teased all the way throughout middle and high school, thank God I had finally grown into my buck teeth and they weren't quite so pronounced anymore and though I could do with putting on some weight I wasn't nearly so lanky, and I wore contacts now instead of glasses. Yeah. I was still haunted by the demons of my past, and it seemed, the present too. I had no idea how people could be so willingly cruel. A warmth covered my hand breaking through the memories and dark thoughts and I looked up to see Bartholomew's hand covering mine. Even through his white reading gloves I could feel his body heat. It was nice, the moment of contact, a reminder that I wasn't alone. He pulled back and I smiled my appreciation and he nodded. "So what did you have for me?" I asked, forcing a subject change off of me, he took the hint. I glanced over the assortment and took in some details as I looked over the scattered assortment of mysteries, romances, even a couple World War II biographies lay strewn about.

 Going to a nearby pile Bartholomew brought over three books. One was the next in the series I was reading, I had purchased the previous two last week and I was already done them, they were incredibly addictive. One was a book I had asked him to reserve for me, The Historian by Elizabeth Kristova, a remarkable Dracula rewrite that I had read quite a few years ago and had wanted a copy, and the last was a book I hadn't seen before. Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice. I flipped it over to read the blurb. It sounded interesting enough. "Thank you Bartholomew, I'll take all three when I'm done looking around." I smiled again, feeling in a much better mood and he nodded and set them aside for later. Aside from Bartholomew, I was the only one in the store, not really surprising given that it was Friday at two in the afternoon, though I knew it picked up later when everyone was done work. I had actually left college early to make sure I was alone. I hadn't intended to spend anything today but I had just wanted to the warm comfort that books provided to me, and here it was especially prevalent.

 I wandered the narrow allies slowly, taking my time in the claustrophobic spaces finding new friends stacked amongst the old and even a few that I might have to take home with me at some later date. The Resurrectionist: The Lost Work of Dr. Spencer Black was one such book, it looked to be a fascinating study of cryptids though the anatomical drawings in the back of the book were what really piqued my curiosity. Still, I set it back regretfully. I had no money to spare until the end of the month, rent was due and I didn't have nearly as much to start pulling things off the shelves because I knew once I started I wouldn't stop. Didn’t know how I was going to afford the three at the counter either but I would try.

 I frowned to myself, stopping suddenly and squinting. Yes, that was in fact a book tucked up on top of the others. It was small, tiny really. Nothing much more than what people used for a pocket day timer. It was wrapped in what felt like leather, old, worn, but well cared for obviously. It was unadorned, not even a title or author, just a canvas of leather. It felt old, the pages looked thicker than average, vellum maybe? Whatever it was, it looked old. Though it seemed odd that it was packed here, tucked in amongst the paperbacks in young adult mystery. I flipped through the book, the words seemed blurry almost, indistinct, had the book been damaged? I couldn’t tell for sure, it looked, fuzzy almost, yet the rest of the world around it looked clear and crisp, thanks to my contacts, or else I would have thought I had forgotten to put them in. Something that happened so frequently it could almost be called habit at this point. Confused a bit I stopped flipping through and turned to the front page by some strange compulsion.

 There was writing there, a crisp written script that was both beautiful and masculine, it looked, messy wasn’t the right word but it was the only one coming to mind. As if the writer were using a fountain pen, that slight smudging of the letters as the ink spread and dried. Still though, whomever wrote it had a beautiful hand, it was an elegant cursive that spoke, through with nothing more than swirls on a page, of power, elegance, and refinement. I started reading.

 “It’s been a long time.” I could practically here his words, rich and cultured and a deep cadence that made me think of my favorite treat, chocolate covered caramel, why did I think it was a him? Still, I couldn’t stop myself. “I suppose that introductions are in order.” I could swear I heard him sigh with resignation. “My name, if you want to call it that, is Nefelibata Lacuna, though I won’t be offended if you cannot pronounce a mouthful like that.”

 Stopping, I tried, just the faintest of whispers. “Nefel la bata, La coo na.” I felt silly, but Bartholomew was the only one in the store and I was far enough away that I doubted he heard me, or even if he did, I doubted he would care.

 “Close,” I read on, frowning, “Closer than most in fact, glad you are smart as well as beautiful. Good. Neh fell lee bah ta. You pronounced the other correct.” The voice was patient, smooth as it spoke but I frowned, stopping my reading. This, was a bit too creepy, a bit too, close for comfort. Flipping through the book again it still seemed blurry. Indistinct, blurry, letters jumbled together, but the moment I focused, everything became clear. “I think I concerned you.” The voice inside my head seemed to be thoughtful, a bit concerned even as I kept reading. “Was it too much? I thought that an introduction would be the best course of action after all.” My curiosity kept me reading, a morbid curiosity that wanted to know where this was going. “What is your name my lady?” I looked at the next line and it was blank. In fact. The whole page was blank now. I flipped through the book. The entire thing was blank, plain white pages, even the front page. I went back to my spot, but I couldn’t find it. Everything was a plain, off-white sheet, without page numbers even. I frowned in confusion.

 The front door bell tinkled and I slammed the book shut, breathing hard. I was, nervous. Of what? All I had been doing was reading a book. A strange one granted, but still. It was just a book. I glanced down at the leather bound tome, my hand was shaking, I reached out and set it back on the Hardy Boys, went to Bartholomew, quickly bought the three others and left so I could catch the bus back home.

 Nefelibata Lacuna.

 I shook my head trying to focus, I had The Historian out, soaking in a bath after a long day at work. I knew the story, not perfectly, but I knew the jist. I just couldn’t focus. I had a specific voice that hadn’t left me alone for three days, a memory that haunted through my thoughts at the most inopportune times. The rich, caramel chocolaty smoothness of his voice made all others sound pathetic by comparison. And, as pathetic as it sounded, being called beautiful, even by nothing more than words on a page and my idealistic imaginings of a man inside my head did things to me. I wanted to be beautiful. Thank god the braces were off. I wanted to be normal, not the tall, gawky, nerdy girl that was good at numbers and had no ass and nearly nothing for breasts.

 I sighed, trying to focus on my book. I was set for relaxing. Candles flickered around my small bathroom basking everything, and me, in a warm golden glow. The scent of lavender filled my head, the bubbles a soft blanket while the water provided the warmth. I had a glass of Apothic Crush red wine, and a small plate of cheese and chocolates. I was set. And yet, despite everything, despite my every possible comfort tended to. I had yet to read more than the first paragraph. Just a quote, not even the book yet.

 “How these papers have been placed in sequence will be made manifest in the reading of them. All needless matters have been eliminated, so that a history almost at variance with the possibilities of later-day belief may stand as simple fact. There is no statement of past things wherein memory may err, for all the records chosen are exactly contemporary, given from the stand-points and within the range of knowledge of those who made them.

-Bram Stoker, Dracula, 1897.”

 I finally set the book aside, finally giving up after the fourth attempt of reading and retaining the words in order to flip the page and start where everything started. I leaned back, closing my eyes and focusing on the warmth and comfort that the bath provided. Rick the Dick had been a nightmare today, constantly belittling me and almost made me cry, again.His cruelty had no bounds and it was getting to the point I was tempted on looking for another job, even though I loved working in the bank, and the other ladies were fantastic, it was getting difficult to convince myself to keep going back and dealing with Rick every day. I sighed and forced myself to relax. Long, slow breaths, just like yoga had taught me. Meditation. I had thought of it as a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but it really had helped, a lot. There was only one issue the last few days. “You are smart as well as beautiful.” The voice soothed through my senses, overwhelming me so much I could never stop it. It rushed through me with a giddy exhilaration and a warmth that spread from my chest all the way to my toes.

 “Who are you?” I couldn’t stop the plaintive whimper, not even knowing I had spoken aloud.

 “Nefelibata Lacuna.”

 I sighed. I knew his name, still didn’t know why I thought it was a him, but any time I set my imagination to say the words with a feminine voice it came up blank. Nothing. I had no voice for a feminine version. So here I was, stuck with a voice in my head that sounded like sin and satisfaction. The very essence of masculine pleasure. I couldn’t take much more of this. I was going crazy.

 I was going crazy. Here I stood. In the bookstore, on the corner of Fifth and Main, with a proprietor by the name of Bartholomew. And here, in the comfortable confines of his establishment I found a corner, it was the only real place there was enough room, I sat and in my hands I held a small book. It was about the size of a time keeper with old leather casing that was worn in places but well cared for and faded nearly to black. My hands were shaking as I lifted the cover, and read. “It’s been a long time.” I kept going forwards, my breathing coming out in harsh pants. “Did I frighten you?” It, he, remembered me. My breathing hitched. “I’m sorry I cannot be more personal.” I took a long shaky breath, feeling all sorts of on edge, nervous, and perhaps a little crazy, I spoke.

 “My name, is Monica.” I swallowed, feeling all kinds the fool. “Monica Brewman.”

 “Monica.” One word. One simple word as though he were sampling my name on his tongue like fine wine. One word, rolled about and I felt everything in me melt, all the tension, unease, all the stress of another long day at work, the bath last night hadn’t really helped much at all. One word, and I didn’t feel alone anymore. “Take me home Monica.”

[poisonappletales]

Hi! I've been a huge fan of your visual novels for a long time, and when I found out you were posting updates on tumblr, I just had to make one myself to follow you! I absolutely adore everything you do. I want to be an author in the future, and your work is truly inspiring to me. So, I have a question that may sound a little confusing, since I don't know how to phrase it correctly. How did you begin to write these stories and characters? I'm quite curious as to how you started.

Hello, cursedauthor! Aww, that makes me so happy to hear. It’s such an honor that you would make a tumblr account to do that. The dream of being an author is a beautiful one, isn’t it? I wish you luck in achieving it! With hard work, effort and love, I believe you can do it.

How did I begin to write my stories and characters? Let’s see…I would say that it started way back around high school. I actually first thought of the story that would essentially come “after” Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces). When I was in class, sitting in the car or simply finding myself with nothing to do, I would think about that fantasy world. I would think about the characters I wanted in them, how they would interact, and the society around them.

Eventually, I had to put my fingers to a keyboard because writing was and still is my number one passion.

I think it was maybe…5-7 years ago? That I realized I wanted to flesh out a certain character’s background even more. After all, didn’t it make more sense to start with the prelude, to say the least? Voila! Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces) was born.

I finished writing that novel in roughly 2 years. It actually had a different title then, but anyway, a little after that, one of my friends was telling me they thought books were something of a fading trend. Some of the bookstores where I live were closing down, so there might be some validity in that, even though I don’t think it’s about to become extinct or anything. (We’re simply moving to the technological era where we read books through glowing screens instead of pages.)

They also shared another concern with me. See, here’s the thing. My friends usually prefer easy reading, like young adult fiction. Some prefer just comic books and/or manga. I like all of those things as well, in addition to classics and a ton of other literature. (I love reading, and fantasy is one of my favorite genres!) Now, influenced by all that, they usually tell me that my writing is complex or “very smart” - not as a criticism or a backhanded compliment. They’re just not necessarily the target audience because it’s not what they’re used to reading.

In light of that, I wanted to come up with a way to expand my audience. Stories are meant to be read, and I wanted to reach as many people as possible - to share what made me happy with others. To touch another person’s world, you might say.

I ultimately decided to go the visual novel route. If I added visuals to the story, you can “see” what I am trying to convey, even without words one may or may find too complex or unsuited for easy reading.

Truth be told, when I first released a test game (Death Room) with a friend, I was a little reserved with my writing style. For that one and my other fun error-and-trial games (Ready, Set, Parody!, War: Valentine Edition, and Don’t Take This Risk), I was actually holding back. I was watering down my usual style with elements from young adult fiction and other easy reading. (Ironically, that takes more effort for me than you might think, as I’m more accustomed to writing the other way!)

I did release War: 13th Day with a little more of my style. For better or worse, that has a very divided reception. Although Wildfire’s part of the narration is more or less simple, the game as a whole is more writing-heavy and slanted towards the psychological genre (in this case, engineered to bewilder!). Typically, players either love it or hate it.  (Then again, perhaps I need to update the art style there. It’s just that it fits the dreamy sort of ambiance and perception theme I’m going for so well. I hesitate to think of changing it because the rough-cut edges fit a certain rough-cut persona…)

But with Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces), the visual novel version of which I have been working on since before the Death Room…I wanted to put more of me in it. I remember that in the first version of the demo, I did it again - holding back some of my words. The result was that I think some people came up with certain impressions to fill in the gaps, which wasn’t what I wanted.

For the second version of the demo, I wrote more and you know what? I liked the turnout there. People started to understand my world, and according to the survey results, things like the Translation button were helpful. Success! (Now, there were some people utterly confounded by its existence, but I have to tell you, there are readers who appreciate it! So, don’t be shy about using it. If you rather not tell anyone, it’ll be our little secret. I won’t judge.)

Sometimes, one of my teammates (who’s also a friend) reads what I write in the visual novel script and still encourages me to make it “easier” to understand. I’m trying to find a middle ground there (like with the Translation button) because this is my baby. While I want to make others smile when they see it, I also want to give it all my love. If I hold back what I love too often, it’ll become something stale. It wouldn’t have life and be me.

If you saw me face-to-face, I doubt you would know it at first glance, but I’ve always been something of an old-fashioned person. (Yep, as a matter of fact, nobody has ever come up to me and said, “You know what? I bet you’re a real old-fashioned kind of person.” To be honest, I tend to give off “professional” vibes, the whole clean-cut sort of look, and people tend to think I’ll be a mean person when that isn’t true! I’m happy to be your friend. Just don’t judge me for being old-fashioned, all right? Have an open heart.)

One of my friends teases that I’m like Rip Van Wrinkle, the modern world passing me by. While I do keep up with current media, I’m not always into what’s modern and hot (even though I usually will check it out, and if it’s a book, I’m more likely to read it), so my writing’s not going to fit into a specific mold. My experiences and my own preferences will shape it into its own style.

Beauty and the War (X Playing Pieces) will be a step in confidence for me. Altogether, there will be people who enjoy it, people who don’t like it, and people who will go “Why in the world did you make this thing?!” (On that note, please pay close attention to the rating! If you feel there’s anything you can’t handle, then you don’t have to play it. However, I will give you a button to “skip over”/“censor” certain scenes that may be too hard for you. Use it at will!)

However, once it’s finished, I want to step back, look at it and be satisfied with what I’ve made. With the visuals and options like the Translation button, I will hopefully have done all I can to invite you into my heart. Then, it’ll be up to you to decide whether you wish to come in and explore it. Regardless of whether it leaves a pleasant or unpleasant taste in your mouth, I hope you will see the love painted throughout this canvas.

I still think there’s going to be at least one player who will go, “Why in the world did you make this?!” But that’s all right. You do you, and I’ll do me.

One day, when the visual novel’s complete, I might want to release two versions of the original novel. The Young Adult version and the Original. I can’t imagine how many would want to read both, but as I said, stories are meant to be read. This allows easy access, and you have a choice of enjoying either or both. Bon appétit.

Wow, this went on longer than intended! Hope you don’t mind. I believe I ended up wanting to explain how I started developing visual novels as well! Anyway, long story short, I began writing these stories and characters from the sheer power of daydreams. Usually in class. And at home. And in the car. Basically, by being a walking daydreamer in your midst and nobody being the wiser (except my family because they know I like writing). Now, the next time you pass by someone, you’re going to wonder what sort of dreams they’re cooking up in their head, huh? I joke, but you never know what minds are passing you by…

Now, if you’re wondering how I came up with these daydreams…it’s hard to say. In some ways, one could ask: Can you control your dreams? In that case, could you not say writing is like lucid dreaming? And when you’re sitting in class or walking down a hallway, who’s to say where your muse is born? It could be from a wish, a hope, or something more palpable like the sound of music or a drifting butterfly.

There is beauty and inspiration all around you. Just take it all in and let your heart do the work. (I don’t know if that is at all reminiscent of Unknown’s ‘follow-your-heart’ sort of principle, but I personally do think having heart is important. We need more love in the world, you know?)

Anyway, I don’t think I was confused by your question, but if I wasn’t clear about anything or I didn’t answer it right, feel free to ask another. Have a great weekend, cursedauthor, and keep following your dreams! Ambrosia and I believe in you! ♥

[aion-rsa]

Screenwriter Ed Solomon on Soderbergh, Noir, and How Bill & Ted Saved His Career

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Steven Soderbergh’s noir crime feature, No Sudden Move, is set in 1954 Detroit: back when automakers drove the city and mobsters rotated their tires. This isn’t just another heist movie from the director of Ocean’s 11, even though it centers on a big score and hosts an impressive cast. Don Cheadle and Benicio Del Toro play two small-time criminals hired to steal a document which is very valuable to some powerful people. It’s a big-ticket item which can revolutionize the auto industry, and the price keeps going up.

For the movie, Soderbergh colludes with the Big Four Automakers to cloud the atmosphere. The caper careens through a smoggy set of turns, picking up passengers like Ray Liotta, Jon Hamm, David Harbour, Brendan Fraser, and Bill Duke (in killer shades) for a wild ride downhill. It all stops with Mr. Big, played with beneficent malignancy by Matt Damon.

Nothing is what it seems in No Sudden Move. It was written by Ed Solomon, a veteran best known for his work on Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Charlie’s Angels, Men in Black, and The Garry Shandling Show. And Solomon spoke with us about exploring dark themes, working with Soderbergh, and how he intends to continue changing how stories can be told.

Den of Geek: I really, really enjoyed No Sudden Move, and I agree, ulterior motives are sexy.

Ed Solomon: That’s very funny. I remember the moment I wrote that [line] and I was like, “Is this just me? And is this an indication of something maybe not so great about my personality?” I actually thought that, I literally thought that, and it’s funny. You’re the first person who’s ever said that. That’s really hilarious.

It made me ask the same questions about myself. Was that the creative key to the script? 

Yes. The drive that got me excited about every character at every moment was that they had a secret motive. Every character had a secret motive that they weren’t letting on, to the other characters. And that’s what gave it its energy for me as a writer. It gives a kind of excitement, because what happens then is the actors don’t get to just act with so much subtext. But as a writer, you get to, you know that you’re writing people that are saying one thing but thinking something else, and that’s where all the energy is for me as a writer.

When you were first brought together with Soderbergh, how much of a story was there, or was it just a concept?

We had a concept. We wanted to do just a spare, noir drama for Don [Cheadle], and maybe a couple of other people. The concept was some guys get called together to pull off a little heist that just goes drastically sideways. And are these people? And where is it set? We decided on Detroit. We were thinking about what era does it take place in? We were thinking maybe the ’50s. And that led to Detroit, because ’50s Detroit is just so American, and a lot of things were changing in Detroit at that time. There were fascinating things happening, and there was a lot of racial tension, and the city itself was remodeling itself in the way that America was remodeling itself. It was going from trolleys and cities to freeways and suburbs.

A lot of communities were getting displaced. And knowing we were writing, that Don was doing this, it was like, “What’s going to give Don’s character the courage of his convictions?” It just seemed like the right backdrop for it. So really we came in at a concept and then started throwing story ideas around together for a few days. Then I went off to do my outline. And then I gave him a beat sheet, which he gave me the thumbs up on, and then I had a few ideas for the end. Like the big seven-page aria that comes toward the end of the film. That was an add after Steven read the beat sheet. He’s like, “Let’s bring it to this kind of operatic conclusion, with these intersecting sectors of society.”

He gave me the not undaunting charge of, “Write a seven-page monologue.” I said, “Okay, I’ll do my best.” And then, he obviously read the draft and he had some notes. We did a revision, and the next rewrite we did was when we got the cast on. It was not one of those scripts that was constantly developed. That’s one of the great things about working with Steven. Also, I wrote it on spec, so I didn’t have to worry about studios giving notes or anything like that. Because again, I had Steven there, and Steven and I both knew how he was going to end up making the film. So we got to make it how we wanted to see it before giving it to the studio.

How do you personally get into the head space for a period piece?

Several ways. Yeah, I watched the movies, but really the bigger thing was going there. Going there and really being in the spaces that these people existed in at that time, those that are left in Detroit. Talking to people who were alive then. Spending time, there was an exhibit at the Detroit Public Library that a woman named Emily Kutil, had put together called “Black Bottom Street View.” They had taken all these photographs back in the ’50s of these neighborhoods that later got raised, and Emily recreated the experience of moving through, those neighborhoods, by using photographs in the library. She basically blew the photos up and you would walk down these aisles, which represented each.

I listened to music from the time I listened to people speaking from the time, I listened to recordings from the mid ’50s, in Detroit. I searched out as much as I could to get a tangible feel, a visceral feel. But at the end of the day, it’s about using all of these pieces to create an emotional space as a writer. I tend to write more from an emotional state than an intellectual state. So, once I could find myself in what felt like, the emotional frame of mind of each character, I found it easier to really be there in that time. And we had some very helpful consultants, as well. A man named Jamon Jordan is credited in the film, ironically and totally coincidentally, he’s an extra in the film. And his picture, he is in the frame that my screen credit is. My screen credit comes over his picture, which he and I [are] thrilled about.

Jamon runs an organization called the Black Scroll Network and they do walking tours of the African-American history of Detroit. He and I went through the script together, and of course Don and I went through the script together. I mean, every actor, we all went through the script together. But at every turn, it’s about trying to keep making it more authentic and more real, and more inhabited and more alive.

So you played Joey Biltmore in a 10th grade production of Guys and Dolls.

Whoa.

Reading that tweet made me have to ask you, what was it like being a staff writer on Laverne and Shirley?

Of course, it would make you think that. Oh my God, that’s amazing. Well, this is Den of Geek, after all. I could expect nothing less, then that kind of deep dive. That’s amazing.

Actually, here’s what’s funny. I will happily tell you about Laverne and Shirley in one second, but that experience on Guys and Dolls had more of an influence on the language of Bill and Ted. Meaning Damon Runyon, and that strange cadence and odd use of sometimes, somewhat anachronistic language was an influence for me. Not for [Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure co-writer Chris Matheson]. I asked Chris about it. I was like, “Were you into Damon Runyon as well, or was that just me?” And he’s like, “That was just you.” And I was like, “Oh.” That had more of an influence on the creation of Bill & Ted, for me, than anything else. More than surfer dialogue or valley talk, or stoner talk. Any of that, it actually was Damon Runyon to me, funnily enough. And it was because I had been in Guys and Dolls that I got into Damon Runyon.

But Laverne and Shirley, it’s a really interesting thing. It changed my life in many ways, but probably not the ways I would have thought it was going to change my life. It made me a professional writer, but I wasn’t great at it. In other words, I was in over my head with a bunch of real professional ’80s comedy writers, and I was a senior in college. I wasn’t quite ready. I had gone from writing jokes for comedians and writing plays that were performed at UCLA to being in a room of pros, and it was stressful and difficult, and I was still a senior and I didn’t get hired back into another sitcom. And in a way, I am really grateful.

At the time, I thought I had failed, because it took me about two years. Where I was doing standup again and writing jokes, and selling jokes, and writing for a game show, and doing anything I could to stay afloat, and borrowing money from my parents to live. I almost gave up, almost thought, “I’m my own worst nightmare. I’m a flash in the pan,” but had that not happened, I wouldn’t have approached Chris Matheson and said, “Hey, would you like to write something together?” And he, and I would not have written the Bill & Ted script, which is the thing that actually turned my career around and got me back on the map. It got both of us on the map, and then it relaunched my career from a different angle.

I think had I actually succeeded on Laverne and Shirley, in a certain way, I probably would have fried [out], as one of those ’80s TV writers, as those ’80s TV writers often did. Not just from drugs. But the environment itself – I don’t think was a super healthy one for a writer at that time. For me, at least. It was just a lot of competition, not the way I would want to be as a writer.

Plus, I think there’s a certain state of mind you have to maintain that I was unable to maintain. So, in a way, I attribute my failing out of Laverne and Shirley to the relaunching of my career in a way that was probably more appropriate for where I wanted to go. It was hard. It was a very stressful experience, and I never felt like I fit in. And I never felt like I could contribute comedically at the level that those people were. It took me about four years or five years to be able to feel comfortable in a writer’s room with other comedy writers.

And in the Garry Shandling writer’s room I met some of the funniest people I’d ever met in my life, and I could never get to the comedic level they could, but I was comfortable enough to be able to add whatever my two cents would be to any situation. And that room was much more fun. I think I had just grown up a bit.

Why does Bill & Ted continue to strike a chord?

I have asked myself that question because when it first came out, it was eviscerated by critics. It was pummeled. Every serious critic, and in particular, the non-serious critics. Because for the most part, they didn’t even let serious critics review it; they’d give it to their third- or fourth-year critics, and they just trashed it. So I was like, “Well, why did it sustain? Why did it not just last, but weirdly grow, over a few decades?”

Look, it started as the characters. It was how Chris and I, who originally played these characters just screwing around, but what Chris and I were always really attracted to in Bill & Ted, was this ebullience, this sweetness, this lightness of spirit and this sort of ‘yes!’ quality to them. They feel things deeply, but they adjust quickly and come up with a plan and move forward with the best, best, best of intentions at all times. That’s a really lovely place to inhabit, as a writer.

And then when the baton was passed to Alex [Winter] and Keanu [Reeves], they took it over so beautifully. And I think there is a beneficence of spirit, of kindness to the characters, a sweetness, that I think floated to the surface and kept Bill & Ted alive over the decades. And it did fine, it did well enough as the first film to warrant a second film, barely. It’s not like it did that well, but over time, people discovered it. And it’s what made it difficult to make a third movie, because there were no “numbers” to support it. “Why should we make a third movie? The first two didn’t do all that well.” It was more anecdotal. “But everywhere we go, people seem to know it, and people seem to want a sequel. And couldn’t we do it for them?”

It took John Wick getting where it was, but it also took the rise of social media to let audiences have a voice. So that when someone would say, “Is there going to be another Bill & Ted movie?” Then the studio finally started to see, or I should say the powers that be finally started to see, “Holy moly, there’s a lot of people out there that seem interested in this.” It took that, to get the movie made.

Going back to the tweet, when I read your responses, I thought you had a bit part on Kolchak. And then I found out that you were a real suspect on the Night Stalker case. Was that the worst review you ever got?

Well, that’s hilarious. Let me just put it this way. Being a suspect, which lasted only about 15 minutes and it was a misunderstanding. It was basically, my roommate’s car, which I had cosigned for, was stolen years later and taken to the scene. It was stolen by Richard Ramirez, it was still registered to my address and to me, I guess. So for 15 minutes, people were like, “Wait, is it you? You’re the prime suspect.” And then it was like, “Oh, wait, no, it’s not you. It’s not you, you’re asleep in your room, in Westwood and this murder took place 90 miles away.” But for a few minutes there, it was kind of weird and surreal.

But that was not even as bad as those initial reviews of Bill & Ted. I remember a review of Bill & Ted where the reviewer was reviewing a movie the following week, Friday the 13th, it was Jason Takes Manhattan. And the guy was like, “Here’s an idea. How about Jason Takes Bill and Ted?” I go, “Come on, dude. You don’t have to kill us again. You killed us last week, geez.”

It’s pretty funny because here in my office, somebody printed out one of the headlines. After I tweeted that, of course, I should have known that this thing was going to follow me in a way that I didn’t expect. Meaning when I tweeted it, I thought it was just kind of a funny anecdote. I didn’t expect the barrage of clickbait headlines saying things like “Bill and Ted writer was once suspected of being the Night Stalker killer.” Plus, for about two weeks, if you Googled Richard Ramirez and went to his Wikipedia page, my picture came up with it. It was funky. And then the headlines that they were doing were crazy. So people at my parents’ retirement community, friends of my parents, would be like, “What is this?” Because for people who aren’t actually reading beyond the clickbait, they’re looking at a picture of Richard Ramirez and a picture of me, saying I was a suspect along with him.

It was hilarious, and it was a little freaky. But of course after a week or two, the news cycle shifted, and you no longer found it. But for about a week, if you Googled me all you got was that I was a suspect in the Night Stalker [case]. It was not good. And I was just recently single, too. My girlfriend and I had broken up a month and a half earlier, and that meant if I was going to date someone and their friend was going, “Let me Google your date to see if I can find out anything about him,” it would not have boded well. It did not bode well, but it was pretty funny.

When you worked with Soderbergh for Mosaic, you were changing the way stories are delivered, and I want to know if you have any other plans to bend visual arts?

Yeah, I do. And we do. And we’re working on a new thing that I’m not allowed to get into any detail on, I’ve actually been asked not to. But it’s another thing that we’ve designed to be able to be told in various different styles. And what was the ultimate challenge of Mosaic was also the greatest gift of Mosaic. There was a moment when Steven and I looked at each other and went, “How often, especially when you’ve been doing this as long as we have, do you get to do something that is so challenging, that flexes so many muscles that you’ve never used before? That you can’t help but come out the other end of it, a better writer.” And that, to me, was one of the many great gifts of Mosaic.

One was working with Steven, which was an absolute high point, developing a relationship with him. Which led to No Sudden Move, which led to this new thing, which led to me bringing him on to help us get Bill and Ted Face the Music off the ground. He was an exec producer on that. So that was of course, one great thing, but just on a creative level. Having to design a story, where each character in the story has to be worthy of their own movie, because you’re also going to tell the story from their point of view, just like you can tell it from someone else’s point of view.

The notion that every villain is the hero of their own story, or every human is the central character of their own movie. That was really at work in Mosaic. It forced me to really upgrade how I thought about what I wrote. And it also was so difficult an endeavor, it took so long and it was so difficult and so invigorating that it made other writing seem easier. Because every decade or so, I really think a creative person has to really look at the work they’re doing and make sure that they’re not falling back on old habits or old tricks. Or, for sure as a writer, not getting into a mindset of, “Oh, I know how to do this.” I think that’s death for a writer.

I think, for me, the healthiest balance is that combination of confidence and insecurity. Not even confidence. Faith, I think is probably a better word. Like, “I don’t know if I can do this, but I think if I stay with it long enough, I’ll figure it out.” To me, that’s the sweet spot. No Sudden Move was a genre I’ve not written in and a tone I hadn’t written in. That alone was reason to do it, with a director I trusted and I really admire, and with whom I love working. For an actor, I’ve always wanted to work with? Don. That was like, “I’m going to do this and I’m going to work my ass off to get it right.” That’s that was my attitude on it. “And when I get out the other side of it, I want to be a better writer.”

And that’s my goal with everything, now. “When I get out the other side of this, I want to be a better writer than I was when I started it.”

No Sudden Move is a twist on noir, gangster, and industrial crime films. How did you come to the catalytic converter, and what research were you doing on the actual crime of it?

There’s always a relationship between research and writing. How to do the right amount of research without getting bogged down, and how to learn from the research and how to use the research to help you with where you want to go with it. I knew that the characters were going to be trying to steal something and we also said, “It might be cool if it’s initiated by one of the smaller auto companies, against one of the bigger ones.” I was looking for interesting innovations that happened in ’54 or ’55 that might have happened with GM or with Ford, or with Chrysler, that maybe Studebaker would have been wanting, or Nash, or something.

And then I thought, “Wait a minute, it’s going to be much more interesting if it’s an innovation that they tried to bury, as opposed to that they tried to actually bring out into the world?” And I was like, “What kind of stuff? What were they doing wrong back then? What have they uncovered that they forgot?” That led me to discovering this notion of the pollution control technologies that the automobile industry was forced to collude [on]. And so, for the first time, there was a lawsuit, the City of Los Angeles sued the Big Four, the Big Four lost, and the Justice Department ruled that the Big Four had to collude. For the first time, they had to collaborate, share technology, to come up with ways to reduce emissions in the automobile.

So for the first time in history, the auto industry, the Big Four, collaborated on something. And what they ended up collaborating on was not coming up with an answer, but finding an answer and then burying it. And I thought, “Okay, that’s more interesting.” In my research on Detroit in the ’50s, I discovered the deep potency of this idea of the cities re-landscaping themselves. And then those same companies were pulling up the trolley tracks, red-lining districts, making it so certain people couldn’t live in other communities. They destroyed Black Bottom, Paradise Valley, which were these thriving, African American residential and business communities. And I thought, “Well, that’s an interesting backdrop. And so, what if we set it against this changing landscape of Detroit?”

I knew we had Don, and so it also made sense that the person that he would be with would represent the other side of the spectrum, someone who is racist, and these two guys have to work together. [And the other guy] is not only racist, but he’s dealing with someone who’s smarter than him, and ahead of the game more than he is. So he’s got to deal with a kind of appreciation for this guy, that he’s kind of grown up distrusting, without knowing him. It seemed to give a deeper fuel to the back and forth between these two guys, as they’re trying to fuck each other over, over the course of the movie.

We were not trying to do a “socially conscious film.” We were really trying to just make a fun yarn. And to me, it just added to the fun, because it added to the potency of the characters. Like it gave Don’s character more muscle and more of a sense of righteous indignation. And it gave Benicio’s character more of a deeper character place to come from when dealing with Don’s character. It was not designed so that it would be “about something bigger.” It was actually designed to just give a bit more weight, so that the characters were more fun. It’s funny, because I’ve heard it referred to as a gangster movie, and it literally never crossed my mind, that this would be a gangster movie. Never. Until today.

Read more

Movies

No Sudden Move Review: Slow Speed Heists Get Away With Bigger Hauls

By Tony Sokol

Movies

Examining Bill & Ted’s Excellent Pop Culture Adventures

By Chris Cummins

I’m the gangster geek at Den of Geek, so I have to look at it that way. And I got to say, Matt Damon’s character is scarier than Luca Brasi.

You know what? I appreciate your saying that. And that’s why I’m like, “Yeah.” And that guy, he’s not in any kind of organized crime, but he’s legit scarier. And yet, he’s probably the most civilized of everybody. I appreciate what you’re saying, actually. Very much appreciate that. Luca Brasi, that’s so funny. I was thinking about Luca Brasi, just recently.

I think about him all the time. Almost everything you’ve worked on has pushed barriers. The Garry Shandling Show changed television, you changed entertainment.

I’ve always wanted to try to push boundaries, wherever I could, partially for purely selfish reasons of not getting stale. And not falling back, as we were saying before, and not falling back on so-called old tricks or old habits, because I’ve always wanted to have longevity. I’ve always wanted to constantly improve as a writer, and be vital. I don’t want people throwing a bone at me, just so I can work. I want to be able to have something to say that’s meaningful. It’s been both good and bad for me. It’s been good for me in that, it has kept me growing, but it’s been bad in that I’ve fallen on my face a lot.

I’ve really taken some swan dives and landed on cement. And that’s hurt. However, I think truthfully, taking chances and failing has probably led to more success and longevity than the successes I’ve had. Weirdly. It’s great to have success, because it makes you be perceived as viable by the people who make movies and who hire writers. But honestly, as a writer, it’s better to have failures as long as you have the emotional resolve to be able to get up and keep walking, and look honestly at where those failures are your fault.

I don’t think it’s possible to have all success anyway, but if I guess if you have all success, nothing’s a problem for you. But I think most of my friends who have a lot of success and don’t have a lot of failure, who are writers, don’t usually have a lot of longevity, which is interesting. And I don’t exactly know why except I think you stop challenging yourself, and your work stops becoming relevant. I think. I’ll know more in a decade or two, and we’ll get back on it. And we’ll see if my strategy worked or didn’t.

The new movie finds relevance today by going back to the past, and by going back to the filmmaking styles of the past.

I’m so grateful to hear you say that. Steven used these Kowa, I think that’s those anamorphic lenses that he had fixed on top of the RED monster camera, the digital camera. So that’s why it has the look it has, and I really appreciate the way everyone really went for authenticity. I think sometimes you can speak better about the present when you’re speaking, and you set it, in the past. Because sometimes you need that distance to be able to actually see yourself. And then when you’re just looking at a current, cutting edge, modern story, it somehow doesn’t resonate as much. It doesn’t have as much poetry.

No Sudden Move is available to stream on HBO Max.

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The post Screenwriter Ed Solomon on Soderbergh, Noir, and How Bill & Ted Saved His Career appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3xu5wQ9

[site-specific-vada-baldwin]

Presentation Prep

I wrote a script and pre recorded my presentation which was useful since I had a lot of video and digital work to show. this also helped me be able to say what I wanted to in the presentation. 

So I wanted to do write design because I didn’t really know what it was and I wanted to try a different style of designing, in order to widen my understanding of the design process and designer/director/writer collaboration. I also liked the idea of working with an existing site and developing a performance that is unique to that space. Taking theatre out of its traditional space was also an exciting prospect because it makes theatre accessible to a wider range of people. I also wanted to improve my model making skills and really get to grips with working digitally. In my manifesto that I wrote at the begging they key point for me was to get the right balance between the site itself and the design I produce, making sure not to over power the site I was working with.

Why bca

I chose the bare chested adventurer for a few reasons. when we visited the site with Bridget, the way she described the text was really clear to me and it felt exciting to focus in on this small section of life that one existed in this house. I loved the idea of the houses physical state being reflective of the emotional deterioration of the characters inhabiting it ad the idea that the house itself was a character. I really wanted to find an interesting way of giving the house a voice and a presence. As you can see from the pictures of the site, it has so much to offer allready and I felt o could really get stuck into making the piece specific to the site.

Process

So the process has been different to other design projects, with agog research and developmennt of ideas. I liked going back to my research throughout the process. I began with ideas of puppetry and making the house a character and it having this almost malevolent hold on the people that live there. initially I was researching the themes of drug use and how that impacted the characters emotional statee, I then got too caught up in this, taking a completely different route, looking at video mapping and the function of the brain, but when I took a step  back, I revisited my original ideas which helped me gain focus again. Niro board was really useful for me because I had all my ideas on one page and I could easily see them together. This helped me decide which design elements worked together.so I ran with the main focus of bringing the ouse to life. I found a poem by Robert cording which reads “ I have come to love slowly how old houses hold themselves” this sparked ideas of the house being a person or even multiple people and I asked myself lots of questions about how they would interact with the charactersannd if they should speak, but after discussions with Bridget we decided it would be more effective for the house to be alive in a more subtle way. this ultimately worked better wit my other ideas for the actual visual design.

So my initial inspiration for this was

 this image. It got me thinking of having the scenes around the house like a museum of this familys history.  This idea let itself well to the scenes and movie the audience around the space, making the most of the site.

Image 2. This image of scaffolding inside a building was the second key image for me. having the inside and outside come together since the house is already over grown with nature stood out to me. Because Scaffolding is ususlly seen on the outside of buildings, having it on the inside really empasises the feeling of unease I was looking to create in the performance and it also helps demonstrate that this family is broken and needs to be supported.

I then went on to researching magical realism. I watched pans labryth and realised that the design of it and the themes (particularly the feeling of hopelessness and a battle with a negative force ) was something I wanted for my performance. I then went onto watch the shining as the design is intended to be off putting which helped me discover ways of making my audience feel as unsettled as Laura does in this house.

Combining the framed scenes with a more magical element of puppetry and movement would really emphasise the power the house has on the characters which is why Seth finds it hard to leave so I began to find ways of realising this.

The way I imagine bringing the house to life would be using practical elements that are of the house which would create a kinetic space. I would do this in the performance buy having ivy reaching out towards Seth as if the house it trying to keep him there, having dust falling when Gillian gets angry, having water run down walls when a tap is turned on, leaves falling over the characters, rubbish rustling in a corner, and wallpaper peeling off the wall. Id also use sounds that again are like echos of the people who once lived here, maybe a phone ringing unanswered ,footsteps or  a doorbell  Lucy suggested I show my ideas of puppetry and movement and the house being alive in this way through a film, but I realised it was quite difficult to get this across so the film gives more an impression of the family history in the piece with some of those practical elements.

Play film.

The idea with costume was that each character looked as if they were consumed by the house in varying degrees. 

So first we have Gillian, the grandma, she has simple clothes with  Layers of fabric that represent all the history built up around her.She is weighed down by her life ad she is now blending Ito the walls with the graffiti, she has lost most of her identity but her sparkly shawl and  She wears a cat broach which was inspired by the cat she kills in the original story show that the woman she one was was a little glamorous. and an awful 70s fur rug sits at her feet hi lighting how sort of grim she has become. 

Next is Keith, yes he is still very much of the house but he has more of himself present, he has rock climbing equippment  suggestive of his adventurous days. The yellow tie around his head suggests he is a bit of a joke to other people, his mad busies ideas ever work. His shorts blend into the graffiti and dirt of the house, he has spray pain on his arms and legs he doesn’t bother to remove when he paints. He wears a surfing brand t-shirt from the 70s when he bought it as a younger adventurer  he wears it with his watch to time the waves but he no longer surfs.

He also has a dressing gown that is almost like a beech towel that he would remove during the performance.

Next is Seth, he sits looking sad and worn down, his clothes are stained and imprinted with some graffiti but he is less consumed by the house than Keith, he watns to leave , the grey and blue of his clothes are quite dull and come from the house . The stripes on his shirt are the. Colours of Lauras clothes so that he mirrors her a little, showing he wants to leave and be with her but he can’t

And last we have Laura, she doesn’t blend into the house at al, she is quite normal, she has dirty white trainers from the site to show she dosnt belong there.

Its summer so she has shorts but its Wales so a huge jumper, her clothes. Odd socks because o one is perfect.

Render 1

Here is how I imagine the main room of the house would look. The audience has been lead to this point by Laura, listing to words of the text and sounds of the house and they enter the house, this is where we meet. Seth sitting on the scaffolding that is suggestive of a bedroom, ivy reaches out to him,  It has probably collected there as he spends a lot of time here and the house is constantly reaching out to him through this use of ivy. the scaffolding is old, over grown and was probably one of keiths failed attempts to fix the house many years ago. Seth would sit not playing his cello probably looking out of his window at the sea 

Model

The next moment I chose to focus on is the kitchen scene between Seth and his dad Keith. They talk and make fritters. I wanted the scene to be in this room of the house because it is a bridge between Keith and Seths spaces, a place they can meet in the middle and the audience can observe this from the end of the kitchen. 

 I wanted to use the site as it is and build onto of it in order to give an impression of what the house would have been like Almost like the past and present merging together to create a feeling of the characters being ghosts in their own house

 My aim with the design was to further the feeling of ueasemin subtle ways much like I the shining. There is a 4 seater table but only 2 chairs in the kitchen, the other chairs are placed randomly else where in the site, to suggest that Andrea the mother left years ago. Because of this the design of the kitchen would be outdated for the time. This late 90s early 200-s house has a dated 80s carpet in the kitchen which isn’t practical and to an audience today this would be more rare, the ugly marble pink tiles which were taken from a tile I found at the site would also look. Very 80s. They almost grow. Out from the corner suggesting there would  have been a full room of them. I chose the outdated AGA cooker that would be common in a farmhouse is rusty. 

 Graffiti on the walls and furniture that Keith has done himself read smoke and worlds best fritters.. rubbish piles in the corner, pizza boxes, beer bottle and banana peels and a rusty sink hangs off the wall.

The carpet is also becoming a part of the earth and the vines are taking over the walls. This is actually less over grown than the site itself.

I also wanted to mention that I made one of my walls with mount board and no foam board to see how I could use it to make designing more sustainable and it was really useful to do, I think ill use it again.

Image 3. This image was the inspiration for my next and final moment. When I saw this image it was exactly how I pictured the end of the performance. Keith and Seth sitting among their rubbish and old belongings which Seth removed from the house having one last Sesh leaving the audience wondering if they will actually change their ways or if they will carry on as before. The house looks inviting, drawing Seth back in, Keith is a part of the house, also tempting him to to go. This image for me was one that was clear from the beginning and really helped guide the rest of my design.

 Reflect

So at the beginning I said I wanted to improve my model making and digital skills which I think I have, im really happy with my costumes. I also thing I got the balance of site and design right. My film didn’t really communicate what I wanted it to but it was helpful for me to realise the difficulty in communicating movement in a design and actually that id need to consider how this movement would be realised in the show.

[justwritingscibbles]

A Stolen Life

Here’s the long awaited Part 3 of “A Stolen Kiss” series.  Sorry it took so long. 

Notes: I would also like to point out that this is a very different version of Author. He isn’t portrayed like Mark intended, so I apologize if this Author seems a little off character.

Part 1  Part 2 

“You may have copies, but I’ll still enjoy every single blood-spill. You will be the start of a long and terrible nightmare for the others.” Dark snarled, the shadows of the room rising up to consume you, obscuring your sight of the scuffle. The fog was shredded by the blackness of your mind. Dark’s influence completely taking over and destroying any ounce of the Author’s power that clung to your subconscious. He made sure it hurt the Author. That he felt every string of agony as he ripped him from your head.  Dark’s fingers wrapped around the Author’s skull, and then with a vicious twist, he snapped his neck and dropped the body. It too was torn to nothing by the black. 

The Author looked at you from across the room. His previous copy, the one Dark slaughtered in your mind, lay twisted on the floor of his office.  Or it seemed like you stood in his office.  You weren’t sure where you were, but you knew it was Author that stood in the room with you.  The memory of Dark’s anger, the violence you saw played through your mind. And the Author smirked, watching as your face drained of blood and horror clouded your eyes.  He wrote that his second copy moved closer, placing a hand on your shoulder.  You were still in your mind, but in the very deepest part of it. Where Author had written a version of himself inside you, a place where not even Dark could find.  The real Author, the one that had replaced his fallen copy in the real world, kept writing on a new blank page.  He had scripted the horror into your mind, playing with your thoughts and memories to believe you saw a twisted version of Dark. One with jagged fangs and yellow claws. Eyes that glowed with red hell-fire and a voice that made your blood run cold. 

“I’m sorry.” Author said as his hand rested on your shoulder. “I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I lost control of my own lust. I was foolish and selfish. Please forgive me.”  You looked up from the broken body. Eyes settling on Author as he waited for your response.  “I will never forgive you for what you did. Even if it was a dream. It was not consensual!” Your voice raised in volume, anger and fear rushing through you. “Why can’t you just leave me and Dark alone?” 

“Because I fear for you.” Author replied sharply. “I know what Darkiplier is truly like. He isn’t some broken soul for you to fix. He’s an entity of hate and anger. You are Mortal, my dear. You have an entire life that will waste away because of him.” The Author shook his head, sighing. “I didn’t expect myself to feel so strongly about this. But I cannot watch another Mortal be claimed by this creature. Please, my dear, let me protect you. Or at least take you away from Dark. I’ll create a new life for you if you wish. And you’ll never see me again.” 

The real Author leaned back in his chair, contemplating what he just wrote.  How did he feel about Dark’s claim on another Mortal? It was definitely becoming a habit of this entity to become possessive of a less powerful creature. Author briefly wondered what drew Dark to them. It couldn’t be compassion.  Dark was as his name labels him.  A cold being, void of emotions other than those that were given to him by his creation. He couldn’t evolve humanity. And love was out of question.  Was it the need to feel wanted? Dark did act like a spoiled child sometimes.  Wanting attention, and doing harmful things to get it.  Author returned his attention back to you as you started to speak. Coming out of your doubtful thoughts. Sinking into a pool of dread and confusion at the mention of “another Mortal”. 

“Dark….had more lovers?” You asked slowly. “What happened to them?”  “Mortality, my dear,” Author said, his eyes watching you worriedly. “I did not wish to upset you. But perhaps you should know that Dark does take Mortals as lovers very often. When one dies, he takes another. For what, I am not sure. But they waste their lives trying to please him. Do right for him and make him happy. When in the end, he cast their memory aside like an old toy.”  The words were like droplets of ice water. Dripping into your mind and freezing it over.  Was that all Dark thought of you? A toy for his pleasure and comfort?  He was so charming and dedicated. You knew he couldn’t feel adoration, but you knew there was more than just lust beating in his chest for you.  However, sometimes it did seem like you were the one doing all the work. Trying to make him laugh and pleading for forgiveness when you did something wrong.  So easily swayed by his voice that it only took his words to make you a putty of obedience.  You looked up at Author, your eyes burning with frustrated tears. You didn’t know what to think anymore. Was Dark truly some shark that went from Mortal to Mortal?  He couldn’t be. You prayed it wasn’t true.  “Send me back.” You said firmly. “I want to talk to him.” 

The real Author’s eyes hardened. The pen in his hand tapping with irritation.  This was going to be harder than he thought. You were too trusting of that creature, mere doubts and fears weren’t going to move you away from Dark.  So Author got to work, forming new thoughts inside your mind.  The Author was just as greedy as any entity, and you were the prize he sought. Nothing, not even Darkiplier, was going to keep you away from him.  With the words embedded, the copy of Author nodded and stepped back from you.  “I won’t hold you here. But, (Y/N), think on your relationship with Dark. Being with him is not healthy. Your life will be left unsatisfied if you waste it trying to make him happy.” Author smiled softly and clicked his fingers.  You were awoken by a searing hot pain rushing through your head. Like burning fingers were tearing at the inside of your skull.  That same chilling voice echoed in your ears and you spun, scrambling from Dark as his eyes burned with hell-fire.  Your mind played what Author wrote. Dark’s twisted being reached for you with yellow claws, howling for you in a way that made you scream.  Terror bloomed inside you as your skin turned black as his fingers grabbed hold of your arm. Tearing yourself from Dark’s grasp, you sprinted from the bed. Bursting into the hallway but then collapsing to the floor as another wave of pain hit you. Warm drops trickled down onto your lips and you touched your nose, pulling your fingers away to find blood pouring from your nose.  You hurried into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and looking into the mirror.  Your skin was crawling with black veins, blood dripping from your nostrils. Becoming worse as the pain increased.  And when you closed your eyes, you saw Dark destroying Author. His shadows ripping your mind apart to rid of Author’s influence.  You collapsed when the pain stopped. Every ounce of energy seemed to have left you.  You were crying when Dark entered. His hand reaching for you, and you found yourself terrified by the thought of his touch.  You pushed him away, crying out.  Just as Author had written. The pain and fear he wrote you to feel, was now spreading through you like wildfire. Forcing you to tell Dark to leave. And Author watched as Dark collapsed outside the door. His own despair showing in his burning black gaze and the red and blue lines that splintered around his body. 

Author wrote himself into the bathroom, crouching beside you and opening his hand for you to take.  “Come now, let’s get you cleaned up.” He said warmly. And you sniffled, looking at the hand with uncertainty. But after a moment, you took it and Author helped you stand. Guiding you to the door and you didn’t even hesitate as you stepped out of the bathroom and into a luxurious bedroom.  “I’m sorry; I don’t know what came over me.” You said with another sniffle.  Author waved away your apology with a wave of his hand. Pulling a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away the blood from your nose. “A blood nose would upset anyone, my dear. It’s nothing to be ashamed about.” He said smoothly. Kissing your forehead and moving away to fetch you a glass of water.  “But I’ve never got them. I don’t understand why I did today. On our anniversary as well!” You grumbled sourly. Thanking Author as he handed you the glass.  He crouched in front of you, taking your free hand in both of his. His smile was sweet and warm, eyes sparkling as they crinkled at the corners.  “There’s a first for everything, (Y/N). But don’t worry; once it’s stopped we can finish getting ready to go out for dinner.”  You nodded and sipped on the cool water. Smiling. “Thank you. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you.”  Author shrugged, “Well, you would have been eaten up by that suit wearing cretin at that bar. It was a good thing I was there to save you when I did.”  You laughed and lifted his hand to kiss his knuckles. “My knight in shining armour. I wonder what happened to that man. Dark was his name I think. Strange name. But then again, I am dating a man called Author.” 

(I’m just gonna leave that cliff-hanger there because I’m not a nice person. Hope you enjoyed!)

[disappearingground]

Songwriters Jenny Lewis and Jonathan Rice Talk SONG ONE

Collider January 29, 2015

Songwriters Jenny Lewis and Jonathan Rice Talk SONG ONE

By Christina Radish

From writer/director Kate Barker-Froyland, Song One tells a beautiful story about how music connects and transforms people.  Henry (Ben Rosenfield) is trying to become a musician and, when tragedy strikes, his sister Franny (Anne Hathaway) turns to his music, as well as the music of James Forester (Johnny Flynn) that inspired him, to discover the artist and person that he is.

At the film’s press day, singer/songwriters Jenny Lewis and Jonathan Rice spoke to Collider for this exclusive interview about how they came to write the music for the film, how quickly they decided that they wanted to get involved, the collaborative process with the filmmakers, the challenges in writing for someone else and always remembering that it has to come from their point of view, how many songs they wrote versus how many actually made it into the film, how this experience has changed the way they work now, what it’s like to be a singer/songwriter in the music business today, and that they’ve already finished work on another film.

Collider:  How did you guys come to write the music for Song One?

JONATHAN RICE:  Adam Shulman sent me a script in the later part of 2012, and they were looking for songs. There were seven or eight full songs built into the script, with imaginary titles. The dialogue existed, but the songs did not.  We just decided to try it.  They were also looking to cast the James Forester character, as well.  We knew Anne [Hathaway] and Adam.  We were friendly.  And then, they introduced us to (writer/director) Kate Barker-Froyland.  She came over one day and we went for a hike.

JENNY LEWIS:  She didn’t have any hiking shoes, so she borrowed a pair of Jonathan’s tennis shoes and we went on a long hike.  When we said goodbye, we decided that we were going to write a song that night and have it in their inboxes by the following day.  So, we sat down and worked on a song and we sent it off.

RICE:  We wrote “Little Yellow Dress” that night.

LEWIS:  We really wanted the job.

RICE:  I’ve always wanted to write for film.  Jenny had done one film prior to that.

LEWIS:  And I wrote for the Disney movie Bolt.  It’s exciting for us, as writers, to get outside of our own narratives.  To be given an assignment and be told, “This is what you’re writing about,” we would go off and write separately, and then come together with the song ideas.  

This sounds like it was a really collaborative process with you and the filmmakers.

LEWIS:  We could also tell a little bit of the secret backstory through the lyrics of the songs.  We were in constant contact with Kate, who wrote and directed the film, and we would always defer to her on things like where he’s from, what his relationship is like with his parents, whether they’re still with us, and what his first girlfriend was like.  We sculpted this backstory.  

RICE:  It’s probably more evident when you’re listening to the soundtrack and can absorb all of the songs.  It’s almost a maternal concept record.  That’s what we conceived.  We decided that his album was called Iris Across the Sea because his mother left him as a child and moved somewhere overseas.  A lot of the lyrics are referential of his mother.

LEWIS:  I don’t know if most people would catch it necessarily, but we had endless discussions.  

RICE:  For us, it helped ‘cause that’s how we write songs.  Generally, we’re drawing from within ourselves, but this time, we were projecting onto him.

What are the challenges in writing for someone else and always remembering that it has to come from their point of view?

RICE:  First and foremost, we’re trying to write something really good, every time we write a song.  That’s the goal.  So, we knew that if we wrote something really good, they would inevitably like it.

LEWIS:  But sometimes, they didn’t because it wasn’t appropriate.  Sometimes things just don’t work, and sometimes you can over-think the process a little bit. You don’t want to put a hat on a hat.  If the scene has a certain weight to it, you don’t want to write something musically that is going to take away from what’s on the page.  We had to create a tone and telling the backstory, but also having the songs be open-ended enough where they could be accessible, in a way, to everyone.  You don’t have to have this backstory, in order to relate to the lyrics in the songs.

How was it to then see the movie with all of the music in it?

RICE:  It was somewhat surprising to us, pleasantly.  Kate acted as a go-between, between us and Johnny Flynn.  We had little to no contact with him, during the writing process.  We would write a song, submit it to the production, and then, if the song got accepted by Kate, Adam and Jonathan Demme, who was a big part of that, it would then make its way to Johnny Flynn, who’s a singer and songwriter, in his own right, as well as an actor.  I’m really glad they cast someone who’s an actual musician.  I think it makes it all the more believable.  He’s this English singer/songwriter and he put this uniquely British folk sensibility into the songs, which we didn’t expect, but really enjoyed.  So, his interpretations of the songs are very much his own.  He used our chords, our lyrics and our melodies, but he spun it in his way.  When we got to the shoot in New York, we were at the Bowery Ballroom, where we’ve both played many times, and he was performing our songs back at us while we were in the audience.  It was a really interesting experience.

LEWIS:  Film work is so collaborative.  Certainly, making records can be, as well, but it doesn’t have to be.  You learn how to become a better collaborator, and you allow this thing that you’ve created in the privacy of your own home to take on a new life.

Unless you’re a part of a Broadway musical movie, you don’t often get a full song in a movie.  Was it important to you that people would get to hear the full songs in the movie?

LEWIS:  We didn’t know what would end up in the final film.  We just submitted all of the songs and hoped that they would be represented, in some way.

RICE:  It ended up being pretty faithful to the script, in that respect.  There are large chunks of the film that are just music, and music alone.  That was a very challenging thing, but also attractive.  You’re getting that much of your music out there.

Jenny, was this a different process to what you went through with the first film that you scored?

LEWIS:  I scored one film by myself, which was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever done.  I was relieved, a year later, to work with Jonathan and Nate Walcott.  I don’t know if I want that responsibility, all by myself, again.  The collaborative process can be very difficult.  People that work in film don’t speak the language of music, necessarily.  Some do, but some will say, “What is that low humming sound?”  And you’re like, “Oh, you mean the bass guitar?”  You have to decipher the critique.  So, working with Jonathan, for me, was something that was a relief. And there was the fact that I had someone to bounce ideas off of.  Making movies is all about being a great collaborator and learning how to do that.

RICE:  Just the enormity of the undertaking never ceases to amaze me.  We go in for a relatively finite experience, with three weeks of recording and a couple weeks of mixing.  We’ve made records really quickly, and we’ve made records that take a little longer, but it would never take as long as it takes to make a movie.  The amount of people and the amount of money, and all of that stuff, is why people are so shocked when you tell them that you wrote music for a movie and it got made.  It’s a wonder they get made, at all.

LEWIS:  We went to Sundance a year ago, and we’re still talking about it because it’s taken that long to find a home.  In the end, I really enjoyed the process.  And any opportunity to write songs and to be given a homework assignment that involves writing, I’ll take it.  I’m not always as disciplined as I should be.  I don’t sit down and write every day, but I should.  So, to be able to write seven new songs that would have never been in the world before is a real privilege.

RICE:  And if we’re being completely honest, we probably wrote 11 or 12 for the film, and some of them didn’t make it, but they found their way back to our own work.  There’s a song on Jenny’s new record, The Voyager, which is called “The New You,” that was originally intended as a Song One song, but got politely rejected by the production.  She took it to Ryan Adams’ studio and they recorded it.

LEWIS:  And it didn’t matter that it got rejected.

Was this a situation where the script evolved and you had to keep changing what you were writing to evolve with it?

LEWIS:  I think the script, once we got it, was pretty much intact.  For the character that we were writing for, James Forester, his backstory changed a little bit, when they cast an English guy.  We thought he was American when we started writing, so we had to go back over the songs and adjust them to have them make sense within the character.  You never know how things are going to turn out in a movie.  You can imagine a scene one way, and it can turn out to be completely the polar opposite of what you expected.  You just have to roll with the punches.  It wasn’t about the money.  It was about bringing new songs into the world, and working with our friends who we deepened our friendships with, throughout the process of working on the film for a year.  In the end, it can be really fulfilling.

Were you given any specific writing parameters?

LEWIS:  There were song titles that were like breadcrumbs, in a way.

RICE:  It was pretty wide open.  It would say, “James Forester walks into the hospital.  He plays a song.  The song is beautiful.”  So, we knew it wasn’t Norwegian black metal.  We had some semblance of an idea, but a lot of freedom.  Once we had submitted the first two songs and solidified our job, Jonathan Demme came to our* house for a meeting with Kate and Adam, and he really chimed in with a lot of positivity and said, “Do what you think.  Go as far as you want with it.  We’ll let you know, if it’s gone too far.”  He really granted us the ultimate freedom to write the songs that we felt were appropriate.

LEWIS:  And they hired us based on our records, so I think they knew what they were going to get.  The hired us because the character is not dissimilar.

RICE:  Kate mentioned songs of ours that she liked.

LEWIS:  It’s funny to reference your own work when you’re writing another song, which I’ve never done.  To go back through your catalog and try to identify with the moment that you wrote a song that the production is referencing, at that point in your life, and put yourself back in that headspace was interesting.

Has the process you went through for this affected the way you write stuff now?

RICE:  Absolutely!  For me, at least.  It sent me on a tear of writing songs for other people.  My last record, Good Graces, didn’t do very well, at all, commercially speaking.  I liked the record a lot.  So, it really got me thinking, “In the meantime, while I’m writing my next record, I’m going to try to get as many songs to other artists as I can, as collaboratively as possible.”  More of my music came out in 2014 than in my entire career, but none of it was sung by me.  So, it really did open up my mind to that possibility of being a songwriter, outside of being a performer.  I used to be much more precious about only me singing my songs, and my songs not being for anyone else.  I didn’t co-write with anyone, except for Jenny.

LEWIS: Once you open that door, the possibilities are really endless.  Once you open yourself up to collaboration, there are so many amazing things that you can discover.  You just can’t get there on your own.  For me, this process brought me back to myself and my own narrative.  I had taken such a long break that I was ready to tell my story.  Once we had turned in all the songs for Song One, I was like, “Okay, I’ve gotta get back to my own narrative.”

What’s it like to even be a singer/songwriter, with the way the music business is now?  Does it really have to be about the love of it?

RICE:  That really is the only true path, to do something that you love.

LEWIS:  We do what we can to survive.  We’re on our hustle, at all times. There’s never a moment where we’re not thinking about the next thing.  My record came out in July, and I’m thinking about the next one now.  I have to.  I’ve been fortunate enough to grow up in a time, musically, where when I first started, it was still lucrative, just not necessarily for my band.  But I’ve been able to build a career over a 15-year period, so now I can go out and make part of my living on the road.  For new artists starting now, there’s so much traffic out there that I don’t know how people pay their rent.  There’s not a lot of money out there for everyone.  There’s a lot of money out there for a handful of people, and they’re scooping it up.

RICE:  It’s easy to lament it.  If a young Elliott Smith existed in this day and age, would he be cultivating his fan base on Instagram?  I don’t think so.  But he would be writing those gorgeous, beautiful songs, and would they be reaching an audience?  There is a certain star-making ability that the major labels had. It’s been interesting to be in the palace while it’s crumbling.

LEWIS:  But, who cares?

RICE:  You have to just try to write the best songs that you can.  Most of the people that I admired died pretty penniless.

LEWIS:  I don’t write songs, play music and tour, really, for anyone else but myself.  It’s something that I have to do to stay alive.

RICE:  Ditto.

How do you feel about performing live?

LEWIS:  You can definitely get in the fatigue of touring, but for me, just having so many projects to pull from and so many songs that I’ve written, over the years, there’s always the opportunity to switch it up enough to make it exciting. Sometimes a song will lose relevance, according to me, and then suddenly be reborn on a tour.  As long as I have the courage to keep things fresh and almost improvise, in that way, that is the way to prevent feeling bored with yourself or your audience or the way you’re performance.  But I always get nervous before I play, every show.  When you lose that feeling, that’s when you need to take a little break and step back.

[tiedtogetherwithadagger]

Hale’s Harbor

Rated: Teen

Words: 10,829

It was supposed to be six weeks of relaxation and intensive bonding with his father before Stiles went off to college. Of course, nothing was ever simple for Stiles. This was something he discovered when his childhood crush, whom he had never actually met, shows up and steers their boat off course. It’s a metaphorical boat. Like Moby Dick.

The day after Stiles graduated high school, his dad came into his bedroom with their old photo album. His mother had made it when she was in the hospital, wanting to leave behind her favorite memories with them. Claudia had shown them both bits and pieces of it while they visited her. Stiles had curled up next to her on the bed while she went through the pictures, telling him stories for each of them. Some were short and offered just enough to tell him who and where the people were, others longer with mournful silences splitting up her words, but Stiles’ favorites were ones that made Claudia laugh. It was his favorite sound, the rumble in her chest shaking him and made him squeal in delight.

He had only been ten when his mother was diagnosed, and twelve when she passed away. It had been too difficult at the time to go through the photo album and hadn’t changed in the years after. Now, Stiles was startled fully awake when his eyes caught sight of it. He hadn’t seen it since his mother’s death and only wondered where his father had put it on the worst of his days, when he needed something tangible of hers to comfort his short breaths.

Now his dad had it clutched between his fingers, knuckles white.

“I’m sorry for keeping this away from you for so long. Every time I tried taking it out of storage, I felt myself slipping again. I couldn’t lose myself again, not when I have you. Stiles, you kept me together when I thought every piece I had left was falling apart. I am so grateful to have you as a son, you know that, right?”

At Stiles’ nod, John continued, “I thought we could go through this together. If that’s alright with you?”

And so they flipped through the book, and Stiles recalled and retold the stories his mother had shared with him so long ago, his dad adding some of his own. It wasn’t until they got to the last page that they found a photo Stiles had never seen before.

John and Claudia were young, probably in their early twenties, and smiling brilliantly at the camera. What struck Stiles was where they were: on a boat called Claudia. John’s quick and shallow intake of breath was mirrored by Stiles. His dad lifted shaking fingers to press gently to the corner of the picture and lift it out. He flipped the picture over and read aloud, “John and me on dad’s boat. Summer 1986.” The words were in his mother’s script.

“This was right after we graduated college,” his dad said softly.

Stiles wiped at his wet cheeks and cleared his throat a few times before he was able to get out, “I didn’t know grandpa had a boat.”

John frowned at Stiles and furrowed his eyebrows. “You know, son. I actually forgot about that boat.” Stiles could see the wheels turn behind his dad’s eyes. “Have any plans this summer?”

Stiles grinned.

***

As it turned out, the boat was being held in an old barn just outside of town. The barn was left to them in Grandpa Czesław’s will. Stiles remembered coming here as a kid, still with a sippy cup – so hopefully younger than ten – and running around the cornfield until he got lost. The boat – Claudia, Stiles reminded himself, as if he needed the reminder – was in surprisingly good shape and only needed a few repairs.

They planned. Stiles wanted to spend as much time as he could on the boat with his dad, it was the only way he could come close to the family he used to have, and it seemed John was right on board. Pun intended. Since Stiles had already planned to go to Scott’s graduation party, they planned to leave just before the fourth of July.

Hillside Port was the town where John and Claudia had spent that summer so many years ago so Stiles decided that was where they would stay. It was a small town, even smaller than Beacon Hills, and the place was teeming with wharves and harbors for boating. Since John hadn’t sailed in nearly twenty years, he signed Stiles and himself up for a sailing class. Beacon Hills was about three hours from the closest body of water and every Saturday for three weeks they drove down to spend the day on a boat with an instructor. Stiles put the certification on his resume with a gold star.

Finally, they set sail.

***

Fourth of July on the ocean was a breathtaking experience. The sound was loud yet muffled on the waters and flashes of light enveloped the water in vibrant hues of yellow and purple and red. The wind pulled at Stiles’ growing hair and the smell of sea was thick in the air. They had sailed out earlier that day, wanting to find the perfect spot to watch the fireworks. Almost an impossible feat with Stiles. The day had been long and hot, but when Stiles had pulled the fold-up chairs open and sat down with an exhaled, “Perfect,” John discovered it was worth it.

Stiles was leaning his elbows on the bow when his dad came up behind him. Something cold and wet nudged his bicep and when Stiles jumped away with a squawk his dad crowed with laughter.

“Great. Yeah, go ahead and make fun of your only son. How admirable of you.”

John wiped at his eyes and tried to school his features, but one look at Stiles pouting had him chuckling through his next words, “Your mom would have laughed at you too, son.”

And that? That was new. Ever since they set foot on the boat, Stiles found his dad more and more open to him about his mom. For years Stiles had been stepping around glass trying to steer clear of mentioning his mom around his dad, but now here he was sharing so much of her with Stiles. Sometimes, when it got especially quiet on the boat and the breeze turned soft and warm, Stiles thought he heard his mom’s laughter.

Stiles’ pout immediately disappeared when he spotted a beer wet with perspiration in his dad’s hand. The culprit. His eyebrows shot upwards as he looked from the beer in his dad’s outstretched hand to his face, and then quickly back again. “Um…”

“Stiles, you’re going off to college. If you think I don’t know you plan on drinking there, how the hell do you think I became the Sheriff? I’d rather you practice drinking responsibly here, under my supervision, than experimenting at a frat party with a keg.” And with that, John nudged him again with the beer. Stiles lunged eagerly for it, the condensation nearly making the bottle slip through his grasp. John cocked an eyebrow at him but refrained from commenting.

“Thanks, dad.” Stiles was oddly touched. Sure, his dad wanted to watch him like a hawk to prevent whatever tragedy that was going through his head. But it was more than that, he wanted to share a beer on a boat with his son on the fourth of July. It was bonding. Stiles let his dad rest an arm around his shoulders as they watched the rest of the fireworks and listened to him compare them to his mom’s smile.

***

When they got back to the harbor, there was another boat docked in the space next to theirs. Stiles couldn’t read the boat’s name but noticed the light was on inside.

“Looks like we’ve got neighbors,” said Stiles.

“Oh, that’s one of the Hales’ boats,” his dad told him.

“Who are the Hales?” asked Stiles.

“They own the harbor.” Before Stiles asked the inevitable, John went on, “People pay rent to keep their boats here. The Hales own the property. It’s not a hard concept, Stiles.”

Which, ouch, okay. Thanks, dad. Stiles was totally feeling the love over here. But he had more pressing matters at hand. Like a chance to hear more about his dad’s life – and hopefully his mom’s – era pre-Stiles. “You knew them?”

“Yeah, they’ve owned Hale’s Harbor for as long as I can remember. Talia always told me that it was passed down in the family. Her father handed it down to her, her grandmother handed it down to her father, and so on and so on.” John waved his hand in a move Stiles definitely got from him. “The Hales were always big, lots of extended family always helping out at the harbor. Talia and Damon only just got married when we first stayed here.”

“Sounds like you knew them pretty well.” Stiles was trying on his ‘subtle’ investigator hat and started peddling for information. Subtle, unfortunately, he was not. He knew what he was doing, his dad knew what he was doing, and the shadow in the boat next to them probably knew what he was doing. It didn’t matter to Stiles, though. Stiles was using this boating trip to learn as much as he could about his mother, beyond what his young memories held.

“You might recognize them, too, Stiles. They sent us Christmas cards every year. Well, Hanukkah cards, I suppose.” John paused, contemplating. “Holiday cards,” his dad settles on, nodding firmly as if he’s solved a particularly hard case. Stiles rolls his eyes. “We’ve kept in touch with them throughout the years and when you were younger we always had pictures of their family on our fridge. But, well, it was hard to keep up.”

They both grimaced slightly, knowing exactly what stopped it, and while they were talking about his mom more, talking about her sick in the hospital is another thing altogether.

“I think I remember that,” Stiles said eventually. “They had three kids right?”

“Yeah. Laura was the oldest, then Derek, and Cora is your age I think.”

Stiles may have been remembering the pictures of Derek he used to steal from the fridge to hide in his room. It was a totally healthy crush at the time, even if he wrote letters to himself pretending to be Derek and waved said letters to everyone in his fifth-grade classroom, declaring that he and his boyfriend were running away together. Scott wouldn’t talk to him for two days after that stunt – a serious accomplishment at the time – when he thought Stiles was leaving him.

Stiles was patiently waiting for his dad to continue, hand flitting to tap tap tap against the railing. When John made no move to speak again, Stiles pointed to the boat tied next to them and asked, “So which Hale is that?”

His father gave him a very unimpressed look. “Stiles, if I’ve suddenly gained the power to look through walls I will let you know. Now get inside the cabin, it’s getting cold out here.”

Stiles spared one more look at the boat, catching a glimpse of dark hair and tanned skin in the window before his dad sighed and took him by the collar into their cabin.

***

The next morning Stiles was reading Moby Dick on the deck because he found it hilarious how fitting the setting was and burst into sudden fits of laughter whenever his mind wandered away from the story. He got distracted every once in awhile by the sun’s rays hitting the waves and making them shimmer. While it sounded nice in theory, it actually just made Stiles squint harder at his book while getting blinded by the sun’s reflection in the water.

He sneezed for the – hell, he lost track after forty-two – umpteenth time and glared at the sun. He wanted to win this time. Yes, Stiles was holding a staring contest with the sun. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary with that scenario. He glared harder at his target, fighting his body’s reaction, squinting up his nose, holding in his breath, desperate to hamper it down.

“Ah – ahhh – auch – chh – choo!” The sneeze sounded like a screaming rhino and ended with Stiles covered in a wet spray of his own snot. He let out a whine and rubbed at his arms fiercely, “Ugh, gross.” He stretched out the word and jumped from foot to foot, piercing the silence induced by the ocean. Stiles glared at the ocean for good measure, too. He knew it was mocking him. “Oh, shut up.”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

Stiles would like to say that he didn’t flail. He would like to say that, but he did. A lot.

“Fuck,” he let out, taking an unsteady breath. “What the hell, dude? Warn a guy.”

There was a man behind him on the dock. A dark-haired, grey-eyed young man with sharp cheekbones and smooth, tan skin that stretched over his bulging arms and Stiles should probably stop ogling him.

“Bless you.” Well, that wasn’t what Stiles was expecting him to say. “Do you need a decongestant? It’s allergy season.”

What was happening? Was this really Stiles’ life? The first time he met Derek Hale is was when he was spasming and sneezing and, oh dear lord, fighting with the sun?

And – oh. Derek Hale. Derek. Hale. Fuck. Derek Hale. He was older, less soft around the edges, and was growing a pretty scratchy looking beard but Stiles would recognize those multi-hued eyes anywhere. This was his betrothed. Okay, not really, but ask twelve-year-old Stiles that and he would insist that they would have a destination wedding in Barbados.

Derek’s eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth pursed. Oh. This was one of those social cues, wasn’t it?

“I think I’m allergic to the sun.” Brilliant, Stiles. You’re radiating intelligence and charm. He was mentally face palming when Derek tossed something to him. Stiles warbled an objection as he tried to catch the mystery object, bouncing it from forearm to elbow to palm to neck until it finally fell onto the boat’s floor. Oh, it was a pair of sunglasses. A pair of very scratched sunglasses, now. “Oops.”

“How… is that even possible?” Derek was gaping at Stiles like he was some newly discovered creature, a look he was vastly acquainted with, but his mouth quirked up a little.

“Eh,” Stiles shrugged. “It’s a Stiles thing, you get used to it. Sorry about your glasses, though.” He bent down to pick them up, loose t-shirt falling to his armpits – which, embarrassing, no one needed to see his pasty skin – and extended the sunglasses to Derek. He shook his head and smiled at Stiles.

“No, that’s okay. You can keep them. Stiles? Is that, like, your… name?” Derek asked, amused.

“Uh, yeah,” replied Stiles, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s a nickname from my last name –”

“Stilinski,” they both said.

“Huh,” said Stiles. Derek’s cheeks tinged pink and he cleared his throat.

“You – uh – you’re John’s son?”

“Yeah,” he said again. Awkward silence. Well, this just kept getting weirder. Stiles put the scratched sunglasses on to avoid eye contact. Ah, much better, Stiles could actually see now without the sun blinding him. Only, not better because Stiles could see Derek now in much more detail. His skin was glistening with a thin layer of sweat, his t-shirt stretched taut across his chest, which, not fair.

“I’m Derek.” Yep, still awkward. Especially if they were going to continue talking, which, apparently, Derek wanted to do. Derek was still on the deck while Stiles stood on his grandfather’s boat so it was less of a conversation and more of them shouting stilted sentences to each other. Stiles was pretty sure that Mr. Lunich was getting out of his cabin to yell at them and Linda from two boats over was not-so-subtly staring at them and writing down every word they uttered for her novel. Stiles had no clue what her novel would be about, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it was a murder mystery. Great.

“Oh, I know.” Stiles winced at the perplexed look Derek threw him. Why had he said that? “I mean. Um. I have a picture of you at home.” Nope. That wasn’t helping. Shit. “It wasn’t just of you! I have pictures of you and your sisters and parents, too.” There, that sounded better.

Only now Derek was backing away a little and looking to the sides as if searching for help. “Well, I should be getting back to my cabin. Actually, I think my phone is ringing and I left it on my desk there. So…”

Right. Cool. Stiles officially scared off an MMA fighter so badly that he lied about hearing a phone call from a highly questionable distance. He could hear his phone ringing? Stiles slapped a hand to his face and groaned. He didn’t think it went too bad. Of course, Derek’s rapidly retreating figure begged to differ.

Stiles guessed that destination wedding would have to wait a little longer.

Read the rest on AO3.

[coshayphinelove]

just some thinky thoughts after i wrote a tag essay that got way bigger than the tags.  feel free to read if you want, but forewarning... i have more questions after writing than before so..

so before i start anything i’d like to clarify that i love ob.  most of my issues with it are bc i got my hopes too high and held the creators to the standards i hold myself, which is not fair in art.  also, i’m only talking about the ob team and the characters, not the fans.  don’t get all in a twist, this is just me... thinkin.

so ep 5 was great.  2013 me would have loved it.  but 2017 me is like.. hard into communication and explicitly labelled representation.  and cophine is neither of those things.  like... i can understand that there’s not enough time to linger on stuff the way i would want to.  i get it.  but like... there was enough time to linger on alison.  for five seasons.  the first time she ever did anything main plot-moving was this season, she was always almost completely seperate.  she got flashbacks out the wazoo to explain her entire life story.  we met her mom.  her monitor is redeemed.  

i just am very unhappy with the doling of screen time.  like... it’s not even about shipping anymore.  it’s about plot holes and i am genuinely confused about the story at this point.  like delphine and donnie are easily comparable characters.  donnie monitored alison for close to a decade.  lied to her for a decade.  once he found out about the clones started doing things without alison’s knowledge or consent.  he is forgiven.  almost immediately.  for everything. 

delphine lasted as a monitor about... a month?  she was so bad at lying that cosima caught her.  she immediately came clean.  then in the flashback begged cosima to believe that she would always protect her.  and yet?  the conflict surrounding delphine for the entire show is ~is she good or bad???~.  and at every turn she is keeping that promise while making and keeping other promises.  and everybody, including her love interest keeps throwing her mistakes in her face.

donnie gets side plots and new dynamics to explore.  delphine has to have all of her characterization as a subset of cosima’s screen time.  donnie gets a seat at the bubbles table, delphine does not.  she has to leave and get shot (a whole different rant of equal length).

on another note, alison and cosima are also easily comparable characters: side characters used to provide info for sarah to react to.  cosima’s safety is always at risk, she’s been boiled down to her love interest for several plots, and she doesn’t ever get to acknowledge her Very Obvious PTSD and abandonment issues.  alison has low stakes conflict (up until this season, but that’s already over), she is never boiled down to donnie’s wife, and we got to watch her parse through her issues in s2 in great detail.  

like even the flashbacks.  like alison got half her episode told in flashbacks and it was gorgeous.  i by no means wanted that when there’s so much going on but i thought we would get at least a little more.  

we met alison’s parent.  we hear about her in a natural and very not forced way.  cosima gets one very long line about her family very late in the game in a clunky and almost pointless way.  (like... why was it in there?  what purpose did it serve?)

i think the problem is subtext.  everybody is always talking about the subtext.  but the problem is there are several issues that the writer’s address almost explicitly.  like alison’s drinking problem.  we learned all about that and we cheered for her when she went to rehab and we we sad when she relapsed. with cosima it’s.... two instances of smash cuts of bad memories and her reacting to them.  ......*gestures with flailing arms* ISN’T THAT ALSO IMPORTANT???  

like.  i’m going to keep talking about delphine but.. that’s just where my head is rn..

but from s1 to s2 her arc was learning what her role would be in clone club and then how to do that.  and she made some big huge strides there.  and then she comes back for s3 and it’s gone.  she’s just.. not doing that anymore?  like they took the time to film her telling cosima immediately after she messed up that she had, in fact, messed up.  and then, what, a few days later she Can’t Tell Cosima Anything Anymore?  and don’t get on me about screen time here.  it could’ve been like.. 2 more lines.  “it’s not safe, they’ll hurt you.”  “b-but delphine??” “i’m sorry.”  LIKE?  they just wanted the drama of cosima not knowing.   which i can see wanting, but it didn’t end up working.  because then you had scenes showing delphine doing things for clone club.  so then... it was just.... confusing?  and imo drawn out for too long.  

but even to this day I, a delphine stan, am still kind of iffy.  she literally made an ultimatum (promise me, everyone.  you will never make an ultimatum in your romantic/sexual/platonic relationships.  that’s a manipulation tactic that a lot of abusers use.  slippery slope please don’t do it.)(i’m also not saying that delphine is an abuser or that you’re an abuser but just.. it’s a thing to be careful of.)  

“accept our toxic relationship as is or leave.”

IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT OKAY??? like i get the sentiment behind it.  like she was saying, ‘hey cosima i know i’ve been bad but like you don’t have to stay if you don’t want.  i’ll stop kissing you and everything.’  but then....  have her say that?  everything delphine ever says to cosima is wrapped in 3 levels of subtext.  or alternatively, cut the kissies in half and let them have a few lines about a new promise or something.  idk if that’s just her being extra or if that’s just.... the writers.

bc the creators... bless them.. they’re trying.  but when it comes down to it they were predominantly straight men.  and they did add tatiana as an executive producer which is like.. the head idea guy who tell the writers what to write.  which was awesome!  but like.. she’s straight (as far as we know).  so like.. i really don’t want to pull the sexuality card here.  but i think i am.  

bc it’s one thing if you don’t give romantic, mental health, or communication plot lines very much time.  it’s another if you give a straight couple plenty and a wlw couple scraps.  it’s one thing if the straight couple gets to delve into things multiple times and the wlw couple gets ten seconds before the plot needs to keep going.

i get that the cosima-centric ep was very plot heavy, stuff was happening, i get it.  but like... if you cared about giving good rep as much as you claim you do wouldn’t you... re-structure so that they have more than 10 seconds?  wouldn’t you sacrifice some of that oh so dearly beloved body horror to let them just... talk for a hot sec?  or let them be in the same room?

i know it’s hard work.  the longest original work i’ve ever finished is a 30 page script.  and even then it’s a lot of ‘is this dialogue working?’  ‘would that character say that?’ ‘that’s a plot hole’  ‘wait where is he going again?’  i get that there’s a lot to keep track of so like... knowing who cosima’s parents are wasn’t on a post-it note on the beat board.  but i just...  one of the questions i always ask myself is ‘is this healthy?’  so like... i always make sure that if the dynamic isn’t then i either address it somewhere else or change it so it is.

i don’t think they were asking themselves that.

bc straight guys are used to power balances in their relationships.  they’re used to ultimatums.  whether it’s in their life or in fiction, that’s what they see.  and they’re socialized to see that as normal.  so when they’re made aware that the media they’re making is feminist/progressive, these guys seemed like they did research and tried to make it more so.  but... they missed the mark.  bc straight men will never know what it’s like to be a wlw or a woman.  that’s just how it works.

and then.. like... they were so hyperaware of the fans and what they wanted.  and i think the thing they understood the best was that they wanted cophine kisses.  bc a lot of ppl wanted that and like...ppl who are cophine critical sometimes also want cophine kisses.  so that’s the loudest thing they heard/saw. and instead of doing the emotional work and the plot work they thought every scene had to have kisses.

and they also knew that they could always fill in the gaps at panels.  WHICH.  not canon if you say it at a panel y’all.  they knew the fans would spread their patches all over the place.  so instead of doing the work and explicitly taking a stand they just.. let people ask them questions so they knew what people were wondering about and then...... answered.

i don’t think they did any of this maliciously but like.. the whole drama surrounding sarah’s sexuality, the great debate of whether it was problematic or not.  like... knowing now that they didn’t intend it to come off as her lashing out and having a mental breakdown helps, but.... that’s still what it looked like at first glance.  and if i’m just a DVR viewer who doesn’t meticulously stalk everything ob online, i wouldn’t know that.  and they do that with delphine’s intentions a lot.  they do it with sexuality a lot.  they do it with gender a lot.  and it’s like.... it’s representation but... label-less to the masses.  like my dad was in the room when sarah was kissing a girl and he made some snide comment about it.  and it’s like... they were just too aware of fans that they gave them what they wanted (sarah kissing a girl/cophine kisses) without thinking about if was the healthy thing for the moment.  they didn’t think about the ramifications.

and it’s just so frustrating.  bc i love this show, i do.  there’s so much to talk about and so many themes and allegories and cool stuff.  but they just... do a lot of stuff that..... really grinds my gears.  like this isn’t even a comprehensive list.