#i went in on monday and my coworker who sits in the cube next to mine

[recallthename]

one of the more annoying, weird ways my chronic illness impacts my life is making me have a really high bar for “being sick”

i woke up sick, but was convinced it wasn’t that bad and was “probably just allergies” but was going to hang out with friends and decided to check my temperature just in case.  was almost 101.  OOPS.

[callboxkat]

Second Chances part 8: The Visit (1 of 2)

Author’s note: Very excited to finally bring you guys this next installment of Second Chances! The second half should be out in a few days. Until then, enjoy this one :)

Summary: Between some difficulty getting along with his coworkers and his quickly approaching visit with his parents, Roman has a lot on his mind. He can only hope that things will turn out well.

Warnings (for part 1) : fear of being rejected, food mention, arguing, panic attack

Word count: 6134

Second Chances Masterpost!

Writing Masterpost!

...

Roman received his first paycheck on the Friday of his first week at the Sanders Café. He didn’t have an account set up yet for it to be directly deposited into—he and Logan were planning to take care of that over the weekend—so this first one was a literal paper check.

Roman was very excited, practically jogging back to the house. When he arrived, he immediately tried to give the check to Patton, in return for letting him stay at the house.

Patton turned him down, cheerfully saying that Roman didn’t owe them anything, and he wasn’t going to take his money. Roman probably should have expected that. He knew that Patton had benefited a lot from the kindness of strangers in his past—of course someone like him would try to pay that forward.

So, when Logan got home, Roman went to him instead and tried again to hand over his check, figuring that Logan was more likely to agree to the exchange. However, Logan just shook his head and pushed it back to him. “That’s yours, Roman. Maybe you can contribute something with future checks, but you should build up some savings for yourself, first.”

Roman had tried to insist, but Logan wasn’t budging, so he’d finally given up. He did have one more idea.

Maybe Patton and Logan had flatly turned him down, but surely there was one person who wouldn’t refuse some compensation for him being there. She hadn’t wanted him there to begin with, after all, and even though she had accepted him now, he still felt that she was the most likely to accept his offering.

This was how he found himself outside Val’s bedroom that evening, his paycheck clutched in one hand. He knocked with the other.

“It’s open,” she called.

Roman opened the door, staying in the hall. Val was sitting at her desk, painting her nails.

“Oh, hey, Roman,” she said, putting the brush back in the bottle and inspecting her handiwork. “What’s up?”

“Hey, Val,” he responded. He looked down at the check in his hand. “I wanted to ask… Pat and Logan wouldn’t take it, but….” He held out the check. “For uh, rent, I guess.”

“Is that your first paycheck?”

Roman nodded.

Val shook her head. “No, I’m not taking your money. Even if I wanted to, Patton would kill me. Or make my brother kill me.”

Roman sighed. He’d gotten this job in the first place so that he could help out and stop being a freeloader, and now not one of them was letting him do that!

“You know what you should spend some of that on?”

Roman looked up. “What?”

“You’re going to see your parents, right? You should use that for your ticket.”

“Mamá already paid for it,” Roman said. “She won’t let me pay her back, either.” She’d probably throw a fit if he tried.

“Okay, Plan B.” Val got up, stepped out into the hall, and closed the door behind her. “Let’s go get your parents a present. What do they like?”

“Weren’t you painting your nails?”

“Just finished. They’ll dry on the way. Now what do your parents like?”

Roman hesitated. “My mamá likes to garden.”

“Okay. Let’s go get her a plant. I bet she’d love something with flowers. What about your dad?”

“He… I don’t know. He’s really into birdwatching, I guess? But I don’t know what you’d get someone for that.”

“What else does he like?”

Roman dithered uncertainly. “Well, he used to collect a bunch of really old coins… but I don’t know where we’d find something like that.”

Val looked thoughtful. “I came across a site a while back where you can buy old Roman coins for like ten bucks each. Does that sound like something he’d like? If we ordered it today I’m sure it’d be here by the time you leave next week.”

“I—yeah, I think so,” Roman said, having the sudden urge to hug Val. “Thank you.”

She smiled. “No problem. Let’s go downstairs; we can pick one out, and you’ll pay me back once you deposit that check of yours.”

…

They ended up choosing a coin that was about $15, with positive reviews, guaranteed to arrive well before he left. Val placed the order, and then she took Roman to a garden store.

“Sure, you could wait and go with Patton and my brother, but my brother has no taste in plants, and Patton’ll probably buy whatever plant looks the saddest because he feels bad for it. Or end up accidentally getting a plastic one. You think I’m joking, but he literally did that once.”

So, Val and Roman went to the garden store alone. They picked out a little plant with small blue flowers, in a cute ceramic pot that had been glazed a darker blue.

Patton and Logan were sitting at the kitchen table when they walked in.

“What’s that?” Patton asked when he saw the plant in Roman’s arms.

“Present for my mamá,” Roman explained. “Val took me to get it.”

“Oh, she’s going to love that, kiddo!”

Roman smiled. “You think so?”

“Of course! It’s so pretty. What kind is it?”

“It’s…” Roman checked the label. “It’s a… myositis. Forget-me-nots.”

“Oh, cool!” Patton said.

“That can’t be right,” Logan said, frowning. “Myositis is a term for muscle inflammation.”

Roman blinked, then checked the tag again. “Sorry, it’s myosotis.”

“That does make more sense,” Logan said. “Interesting. Were you aware that that name translates to “mouse’s ear” in Ancient Greek?”

“Why do you know that?” Roman asked, staring at him. “Who just knows things like that off the top of their head?”

Val started snickering. Logan shrugged, looking embarrassed.

…

Roman was starting to think that being homeless and unemployed hadn’t been so bad. At least then he hadn’t had to deal with this hell spawn.

“I can’t do it!” Roman wailed as he flung open the door (while still making sure it didn’t smack the wall). “I can’t do it! He is the worst!”

Patton, who had been standing at the kitchen counter, cutting up vegetables, set down his knife, looking concerned.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Roman sighed, walking over to him. He put his elbows on the counter and hid his face in his hands. “It’s this guy I work with.”

“Your manager? Thomas?” Patton guessed.

“No, not him—he’s great. The other one.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He hates me, and I don’t know why!”

“Come on, kiddo, I’m sure that’s not true.” Patton picked up the knife and started slicing carrots again, still watching him between cuts to show he was paying attention.

“It is! He acts like every time I mess up, I’m doing it just to spite him, and then he gets on my back about it, which only makes me mess up more, and then he gets even more annoyed at me….”

“Could it just be growing pains? It’s only your second week. Maybe he just needs some time to get used to you.”

“I thought so too, but…” Roman sighed heavily. “It is not working.”

Patton paused. “If it’s really so bad, maybe you could look into possibly working somewhere else? Tons of places would be lucky to have you.”

Roman looked up sharply. “No… no, I’m not doing that.” He shook his head. “I do that, he wins.”

Patton bit his lip uncertainly.

“At least tomorrow is his day off,” Roman sighed. “So I get a break.”

“Well, that’s good,” Patton said. He pushed the carrots into a bowl with the potatoes he’d already cubed, and he picked up an onion. As he started to peel the skin off of that, he said, “Maybe it’ll be nice for both of you to get a break from each other. It could be you’ve just spent too much time together lately.”

“Yeah. Could be. I just don’t know what his problem is.”

Patton glanced up, humming thoughtfully. “Do you think any of this has anything to do with your visit coming up?”

Roman hesitated. “Maybe,” he admitted.

A major source of stress for him at the moment—maybe the main source of stress—was the fact that he was set to visit his parents at the end of the week, for the first time in a long time. If you considered five years to be a long time.

It certainly didn’t help that at the start of those five years, Roman had lied to them about heading to college and basically vanished off the face of the earth, leaving them with no idea where he had gone or if he was even still alive. That is, until Patton and Logan had convinced him to call his mamá the week before.

Ever since then, he had been calling her every evening before dinner, to talk. Mostly, they talked about unimportant things. How their days had been (Roman always sugar-coated things if they hadn’t gone well), what they were up to (you know, besides the homelessness), and how much they were looking forward to seeing each other when Roman was able to get enough time off for a visit.

Getting the time off he needed had turned out to be easier than expected. Roman’s schedule already gave him weekends free, so he had only requested one additional day—a Monday.

He hadn’t been sure whether to be relieved or sad that he had had to wait an additional week to go, since they’d been understandably reluctant to give him a day off in his second week on the job.

Of course, both Thomas and V, all that Roman knew his other coworker by, knew that Roman was taking the day off. Thomas hadn’t seemed to mind coming in on that Monday—since he usually took that day off—but V hadn’t seemed all that enthused. The fact that Roman was taking a long weekend after only working at the Sanders Café for two weeks hadn’t helped the barista’s opinion of him.

As one might imagine, Roman’s stress about the upcoming visit did not go well with the attitude V took with him, and it had already lead to several clashes.

As exemplified by today.

“Want to help me cut up some veggies?” Patton asked. “We’re going to roast them for dinner later tonight. Maybe it’ll help to take out some of that stress on an onion.” He picked up the newly peeled onion and offered it to Roman.

Roman sighed. “Sure.” He went to the sink, washed his hands, and took the onion and knife from Patton. “How do you want this cut?”

“However you like, within reason!” Patton said. “How about I heat up some leftovers for you, for lunch, while you do that? We’ve still got some spaghetti.”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Patton.”

…

Patton sat curled up on the sofa with Logan, only half-watching the news that his boyfriend had put on. After a while, he stretched and sat up.

“I’m going to go check on Roman. He seemed pretty upset when he came home from work today.”

Logan frowned, turning to look at him. “Did he say what was going on?”

“Some kind of disagreement with someone he works with. But I think he’s really just stressed about this weekend.”

Logan nodded. “That seems reasonable.”

“Anyway, I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” Logan reached out, held his hand for a fraction of a second, and then let Patton go. Patton got up, walked past Val, who was reading, and went upstairs.

He stopped outside Roman’s room, whose door was slightly ajar, and knocked softly. “Roman?” he asked.

He waited, but he didn’t get an answer, so he tried again. When that still went without a reply, Patton gently pushed open the door, wondering if maybe Roman had fallen asleep.

The room was empty.

“Hm.” Patton leaned forwards to look around inside the room, but unsurprisingly, Roman wasn’t hiding in any corners.

He backed up, returned the door to how it had been before, and looked around.

Finally, he realized that he could hear something, faint, but not so faint that he thought it was coming from downstairs. Patton followed the sound.

Was that singing?

He stopped outside the bathroom, which was dark other than the light let in through the tiny, curtained window, but whose door wasn’t quite closed.

Roman stood in front of the sink, singing a song that Patton didn’t recognize. He was singing very quietly, but it was like he was serenading himself, complete with acting.

He also looked like he’d been crying.

Patton, who had been about to knock before he caught a glimpse of Roman in the mirror, stepped back before Roman could spot him. He did want to stay and try to help, but he really felt like he was intruding. Whatever Roman was doing, it seemed to be some kind of self-soothing method. Maybe it was a little unusual to serenade oneself in the mirror, but if it helped cheer Roman up, then Patton wasn’t going to judge him.

Patton quietly padded back down the hall and went back downstairs.

He settled himself back against Logan, who took his hand again. Patton read a headline on the TV screen about that week’s tragedy and sighed, turning his head so his face was against Logan.

“How’s Roman?” Logan asked, subtly changing the channel to one showing reruns of an old sitcom. “Did you talk to him?”

“He didn’t seem like he wanted to be bothered,” Patton replied, looking up again.

Logan nodded in understanding, although he was frowning.

“Is he okay?” Val asked as she turned a page in her book.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “He’s really nervous about this weekend.”

Logan fiddled with the remote without actually changing any settings. “I’d assume he’s afraid that his parents will reject him,” he said.

Val gave him a look. “Please don’t say that when he’s down here.”

“I don’t think it’s likely,” Logan quickly clarified. “They’ve seemed eager to talk to him thus far.”

“They’d better not turn him away,” Patton said. “I’ll fight them.”

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t be fighting anyone. Besides, if they were going to turn him away, I’m sure it would have happened by now.”

Val closed her book, resting her head on one hand. “Whether it’s realistic or not, he’s obviously upset. And it’s probably not helping him, locking himself away upstairs with his thoughts. We should ask him to come downstairs in a few minutes. He likes to help with dinner, right?”

Patton glanced at the time. “That’s true. We should probably start cooking soon.”

“You cut up the vegetables like I asked?” Logan checked.

“Yep! Roman and I did.”

“Thanks. It shouldn’t take too long, then.”

Val set her book to the side. “Should I go grab him then, or…?”

“I’ll give him a few more minutes and then I’ll do it,” Patton said.

“Okay.”

A few minutes later, Patton walked back up the stairs. He was relieved to see that the light was on in Roman’s room now.

He knocked on the door, and waited for an answer.

A moment later, the door opened, to reveal Roman. He smiled, and if Patton hadn’t seen him before, he might not have known Roman had been so upset. “Hey, Patton. What’s going on?”

Patton smiled back, deciding not to bring it up. “We were planning to start dinner soon. Want to help?”

…

Roman had been making a point of getting to work early ever since his mistake the week before. So, it was no surprise that he was the first employee to arrive at the café that morning. It was a surprise, though, when neither V nor Thomas showed up. Instead, two younger employees, probably 18 years old or so, took their places: Talyn and Joan. Roman had worked with each of them before when they occasionally joined his shift, but never at the same time.

“Is Thomas not coming?” Roman asked, watching as the pair approached. He’d known it was V’s day off, and that Thomas didn’t come in every day, but usually their manager worked whenever V didn’t.

“He’s sick,” Talyn said, pulling on their apron. Joan went into the back to put their things away.

“Oh. Is he okay?”

Talyn shrugged. “He calls in sometimes. He asked me to take his place today.”

“Okay.”

“Joan and I can finish getting everything set up back here. Want to take the chairs down?”

“Sure.” Roman walked out from behind the counter to do just that.

“So how are you liking this place so far?” they asked as Joan returned from the back.

“It’s alright,” Roman shrugged. When V wasn’t getting on his last nerve, at least.

“Just alright?” Joan asked.

Roman flushed slightly. He didn’t want to complain about his job, not at his job, to his coworkers. That didn’t seem like a good plan at all.

Joan laughed. “Relax, I’m just teasing. It can be tough, at the start. Customers are something else. Plus I know Virgil can be prickly.”

Roman blinked. “What?”

“Virgil?” Joan looked confused. “The barista you work with?”

“Oh, right, sorry. I didn’t quite hear you,” Roman lied. He had a feeling he’d get teased if he admitted he’d gone nearly two weeks only knowing Virgil as V, or as the numerous aliases of the other worker’s name tag collection. “Glad to hear it’s not just me.”

“Has Virgil been treating you okay?” Talyn asked.

“Yeah. He can be kinda pushy, but he’s okay… most of the time. I do like his name tag collection.” Roman had tried to compliment Virgil on one of the name tags, pointing out that it was funny that the barista chose to wear one that said “Mary Lee”, and had only gotten even more hostility in response. Maybe Virgil didn’t want Roman to acknowledge that the name tags didn’t have the barista’s actual name on them? Maybe Virgil misunderstood, and thought Roman was making fun of whoever the actual Mary Lee was?

Whatever the case, trying to be that creepy cookie’s friend was proving rather difficult. Thomas’s “Storm Cloud” nickname made a lot of sense.

Talyn bit their lip, glancing at Joan, then looked back at Roman. Roman blinked, unsure what that was about. “Virgil can take a while to warm up to people, sometimes,” they said. “It’s probably nothing to worry about.”

Not long after, it was time to open up the café, and the attention of the three baristas was diverted to the grumpy swarm of early morning coffee-seekers.

It was a busy morning, with a lot of disgruntled people who thought they were entitled to their caffeine before anyone else and didn’t even tip well (if at all), but at least Talyn and Joan didn’t get mad at Roman for spilling a few coffee grounds, or for nearly forgetting the whipped cream on one of the orders. That was a welcome change.

Still, that afternoon, Roman spent most of his time holed up in the former guest room, trying not to stress too much about the next day, which was, of course, his last day of work before he got to go see his parents for the first time in years and hope they wouldn’t turn him away.

…

The following day, Virgil was back at work. And as tired of Roman was of his coworker hounding him like every little mistake he made would bring on the apocalypse, he did have some new information at his disposal, and he was going to take advantage of it.

Roman looked up as the barista came in, reluctantly lowering the headphones that had doubtlessly been blasting some sort of emo music moments before.

“Hey, Virgil,” he said pointedly, grinning.

Virgil hardly bothered to glance up, grabbing one of the aprons that still hung on the wall. “Hey, Princey.”

Roman was almost offended by that lackluster response. “How’s it going, Virgil?” he tried again, louder and with more emphasis.

“Fine?” Virgil said, giving him a strange look. “How’s it going, Roman?”

Roman sighed. “Disappointing.”

“What?”

Whoops. Virgil wasn’t supposed to actually hear that. He scrambled for an excuse. “…I said disappearing. The sun is gonna be disappearing sooner. The days are getting shorter again. You know.”

Virgil glanced outside, at where the sun was just beginning to rise, bemused. “I guess?”

“Aaaanyway. How was your day off?” Roman asked, tying his own apron in place.

“It was great. I actually got to miss the sunrise, for once.” Virgil started taking down chairs from the tables, putting them in place on the floor. “It was over pretty fast, though. Sure would be nice to take three days off in a row.”

Roman frowned.

“What are you doing this weekend, anyway? Video games? Binging Lord of the Rings or something?”

Roman let out a long sigh. “I’m visiting my parents,” he reluctantly admitted. “I haven’t seen them in a while.” Ever since Virgil had found out about Roman’s days off so soon after starting the job, Roman had skirted around answering the question of why he was taking that break. And while it still wasn’t really any of Virgil’s business, Roman was getting tired of this, and really didn’t want to deal with passive aggression when he was already worried enough. Today was Friday, and Roman was getting on the bus to go see his family that very afternoon.

Virgil’s mouth thinned. “Oh.”

The other barista turned away without another word, and didn’t bring up Roman’s days off again that shift. Roman felt that this was worth the admission. It would have probably been nearly unbearable otherwise, since Thomas was apparently still not feeling well, so it was just the two of them for the entire shift. As it was, other than Thomas being gone, Roman might have said that things were going… at least sort of well. Virgil wasn’t getting on his back too much, he wasn’t messing up as much as he’d expected, given how much he was thinking about that weekend (although he still messed up quite a bit more than usual). But of course, his luck couldn’t last.

He took a break during a lull in customers, and he came back, opening his mouth to tell Virgil to go ahead and take a break in the back, now.

But no words came out of his mouth. Instead, he froze.

Standing in the middle of the café, reading the menu, was a familiar figure. His dark hair was swept to partially cover his face, and he wore a black faux leather jacket over a band t-shirt.

Jay.

Roman felt dizzy.

“Roman?”

Roman shook his head, took a step back, and then sat down hard on the tile floor.

“Roman! F*ck, okay, hold on—Sorry, sir, get out, please! The store’s closed! Bye!”

“What the hell are you talking ab—”

“Store’s closed!”

Virgil herded the guy out, and as he disappeared out the door, Roman got a better look at his face. It wasn’t Jay at all. Just some guy who looked ridiculously like Jay.

“Dammit,” he whispered, wishing this realization would stop his heart from pounding, would erase the way he’d just embarrassed himself, was continuing to embarrass himself.

Virgil knelt down in front of him, hovering uncertainly. “Hey. Hey, Princey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

Roman shook his head, his attempts to breathe only strangled gasps. It was all just too much. The stress of this new job, and the visit this weekend, and thinking he’d seen Jay, who’d been a catalyst in all of this— It was too much.

“I think you might be having a panic attack.” Virgil shifted uncertainly, hovering around him. “Does that sound right?”

Roman shakily nodded.

“Okay. Okay, good. No ambulance, then. That’s great. I mean, not great that you’re panicking, that—never mind. Can I help?”

“Yeah,” he gasped. Please make this stop.

“Cool. Cool, cool. Try breathing with me. It’s an exercise I use when I get anxiety attacks.” Virgil started with a long inhale, counting off a pattern.

“In, 2, 3, 4… hold, 2 3, 4, 5, 6, 7… out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.”

Roman did his best to follow the pattern, with difficulty at first; but soon enough, rather than freaking out, he was a more reasonable amount of mortified, and this time more about the fact that he’d freaked out in the middle of the café, in front of Virgil, than about anything else.

Virgil seemed relieved when it was clear that Roman was no longer panicking. The barista looked him over for a moment, then offered him a hand up.

“I think maybe you should go in the back for a little longer,” Virgil suggested as Roman was pulled to his feet. “I can take my break later.”

“…Yeah, maybe,” Roman admitted, not meeting Virgil’s eyes. “Might be a good idea.”

Virgil led him to the back room, shoved a plastic cup of tea in his hands, and promised to return in a bit.

Roman sat there, sipping his tea, wishing he could sink into the floor.

Several minutes later, Virgil returned.

“Sorry,” Roman said as soon as he saw that distinctive purple hair, gripping his cooling cup of tea tightly. “I didn’t….”

Virgil sat down on the arm of the sofa. “What was that about?”

Roman shook his head.

Virgil sighed, glancing back towards the main area of the store. “Fine, don’t tell me. But are you, like… good? You’re not going to freak out on me again?”

“No, I’m… I’m fine.”

Virgil looked at him doubtfully. Roman set his jaw, and then Virgil nodded. “Alright. Maybe clean yourself up a bit, though.”

Roman felt his cheeks burn. He nodded.

As Virgil turned to leave, Roman cleared his throat.

“…Thanks, Virgo.”

Virgil paused, turned, and said, “I’m a Sagittarius,” before leaving the room.

Under different circumstances, Roman might have laughed. As it was, he simply took a deep breath, set the remains of his tea to the side, got to his feet, and went to the employee bathroom. Looking in the mirror, he had to admit he looked rather… disheveled. He’d definitely seen worse days, that was for sure; but his hair was a mess, and his eyes were red and watery like he’d been crying.

(Had he been crying? He suddenly wasn’t sure.)

Roman reached over for a paper towel, folded it over, and ran the water over it for a second. He stood there at the sink for a while, the cool, damp paper towel held against his eyes. Once the redness had died down, he combed his hair with his fingers until it was back to its normal groomed appearance. Finally, he took a deep, steadying breath, washed his hands, and returned to the front of the store. Virgil looked up when he appeared, in the middle of making a cappuccino, and nodded.

Roman resumed his post without a word, and they both pretended like nothing had happened.

When Roman went back to the house that afternoon, he didn’t complain about Virgil, for once. Of course, he did have other things to think about. Like the little detail that he was leaving in only a couple of hours.

…

“Are you sure you have everything?” Logan asked as the trio walked to the bus station. They’d parked a couple of blocks away, since the parking spots at the station itself were metered, and rather expensive. Logan had offered to park there anyway, but Roman had insisted that he was fine with parking farther away. It was a nice day, anyhow; and he would be spending quite a while on a bus. “There’s still a little time, if we have to stop somewhere.”

“I think so,” Roman said, adjusting his grip on the handle of the small, baby blue suitcase Patton had lent him. It rolled behind them, occasionally bumping over an uneven patch of sidewalk. “I don’t have a lot of stuff.”

“And you’re sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” Patton checked. He held the small potted plant that Roman and Val had picked up as a present for Roman’s mamá. He almost seemed more nervous than Roman. Almost.

Roman swallowed, then nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure. It’s just a bus ride. My parents are going to pick me up at the station.”

Patton reached over to squeeze his hand. “They know what time you’re getting in?”

Roman nodded. “And I can always call, if I need to…. Thanks again for the phone, by the way.” They’d picked him up a cheap, prepaid one for emergencies, since Roman hadn’t had a phone of his own in a very long time.

“It’s no problem,” Patton said. “Just be safe, okay?”

Roman gave him a shaky smile.

“There’s the station,” Logan said, gesturing across the street. “Which bus are we looking for?”

“17,” Roman provided. He didn’t even need to check his ticket. He’d spent long enough staring at it the night before.

Logan glanced to make sure no cars were coming, then started across the street. He and Patton were already scanning the busses collected at the station, looking for the correct one.

“I don’t think it’s here yet,” Logan said. “That’s not surprising. We are early, after all.”

“Let’s find a bench to sit on,” Patton suggested.

Logan didn’t exactly look enthused, but he went along with Patton’s suggestion. They found an empty bench, and Roman and Patton sat down. There was still room on the bench, but Logan stayed standing.

“Perhaps I could pick us up some coffee from inside,” he suggested.

Patton giggled. “Only if Roman’s not sick of coffee yet.”

Roman cracked a smile. “Maybe just water for me. Lemonade if they have it. But water’s okay.”

Patton requested whatever coffee drink was the sweetest, iced.

Logan nodded and walked off towards the station’s building.

“He just doesn’t want to sit down,” Patton said, leaning over conspiratorially. “Logan hates public benches.”

“Logan hates public everything.”

“You’re not wrong!” he laughed. He set the plant at his side. “So, do you and your parents know what you’re going to do this weekend?”

Roman thought for a moment, then shrugged. “I hadn’t really thought about it.” He’d been too busy worrying.

“You don’t always need a plan. Maybe it’ll be nice to just get to hang out with them, catch up.”

“Or awkward as hell.”

“Ehh.” Patton shrugged. “Maybe at first, I won’t lie to you.”

“Yeah.”

“But they’re going to be really happy to see you. I’m sure they’ve missed you a lot.”

“…Yeah.” Roman knew they had. But he couldn’t help the terror bubbling up inside him, just under the surface, at what they would think when they saw him. At how angry they would be.

Apparently Roman’s silent dread had not been as hidden as he’d hoped.

“Don’t make me hug you,” Patton threatened, pointing at him.

Roman let out a startled laugh.

“I’ll do it! You know I will!”

“I do,” Roman agreed. He watched as another bus pulled up. Number 33. Still not his.

“They did have lemonade,” a voice said. Roman glanced up to see Logan, holding out a bottled lemonade. He took it. It was cool and already slightly damp with condensation.

“Thanks.”

Logan offered Patton another drink from the carrier in his arms. His was a very pale brown, mixed with ice and with whipped cream and drizzles of caramel and chocolate on top.

“Ooh, thank you!” Patton said. He hopped up, kissed Logan on the cheek, and then sat down, sipping loudly from his straw.

Logan coughed, his face slightly red. “You’re welcome. Has his bus arrived?”

“Not ye—oh! There it is!” Patton pointed. A new bus had just pulled in, the number 17 in its window.

“Excellent.”

Roman leaned over to look at a clock on the station wall. He still had ten minutes before he had to be on the bus. Reassured, he sat back and opened his lemonade, taking a sip.  Then he recapped it and put the lemonade in his lap, tapping on its sides with his fingers. “You guys don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’ll be fine.”

“No, no,” Patton insisted. “We’re going to make sure you get on your bus alright.”

“It would be rather unfortunate if we left early, and something happened,” Logan agreed.

Roman exhaled through his nose. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Yep! Besides, I can’t finish this in the car.” Patton took another loud sip of his drink. “So we’ve gotta stay!”

“True.” Logan was generally pretty insistent about there being no open drinks in his car. Or at least, that was the idea Roman had gotten so far.

Logan took a drink of his own iced black coffee and shrugged. “Coffee would be difficult to get out of the upholstery,” he justified. “Like any darkly colored beverage. One time, one of Val’s friends spilled fruit punch in her car. It was a figurative nightmare to get that out. I refuse to go through that again with my own vehicle.”

Roman glanced at Patton, who looked amused. “That’s fair.”

A few more minutes passed, with the three of the just enjoying their drinks, before Patton glanced at the time on his phone. “We should probably get you on that bus, don’t you think, Ro? You don’t want to get a bad seat.”

Roman shifted. “…I guess.”

Patton looked at him sympathetically. “Don’t worry. You’ll be okay.” He stood up, grabbing the plant; and Roman reluctantly followed, pulling the suitcase along behind himself.

In no time at all, they stood in front of the bus door, and Patton was handing the plant off to Logan and pulling Roman into a tight hug.

“Don’t be afraid to call us if you need anything at all, okay? I’m serious.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Now go see your parents.”

“Have a pleasant trip,” Logan said as Patton released him. He offered a hand, and Roman accepted. Logan shook it.

“Thanks. I’ll… see you guys.”

“Good luck.”

Roman took a deep breath, picked up the suitcase and took the plant back from Logan, and stepped up onto the bus before he could change his mind.

“Hello, sweetheart,” the driver said, smiling kindly at him. She was probably in her fifties, and had clearly noticed how apprehensive he was. She held out a hand. “Have you got your ticket?”

“Yeah—um,” Roman pulled it out of his pocket, quickly did his best to smooth it out, and handed it over. “Here.”

The woman looked at it for a second, smiled, and handed it back. “Welcome aboard. Usually, we have everyone put their luggage in the storage area under the bus, but I think yours is small enough that you can keep it up here, if you’d like. We don’t have a full bus today. Do you have a preference?”

“Could I keep it?” Roman asked. It was Patton’s suitcase, and he was afraid that it might get damaged—or worse, disappear—if he let it out of his sight.

“Of course. You can go ahead and pick whatever seat you’d like.”

“Thank you,” Roman said. He turned to the rest of the bus, which was about a quarter of the way full with other passengers. He picked a seat about a third of the way from the front, beside the window, and put Patton’s suitcase and his mamá’s gift at his side.

He looked out the window, and saw Patton and Logan there, on the sidewalk. Patton noticed him and perked up, waving and batting at his boyfriend to get his attention. Logan waved as well, with significantly less energy, looking amused.

Roman hesitantly waved back.

He spent the remaining time until the bus departed just trying to keep calm, reminding himself that he did in fact want to do this, that it was a little late to back out even if he wanted to, and that even if his visit went about as horribly as it could go, Logan and Patton had promised that they wanted him to come back.

Finally, the bus driver stood up. She reminded everyone of which bus this was and the route they were taking, just in case someone was on the wrong bus, and how long the trip would take. Then, she sat back down, and they left the station.

Patton and Logan waved until they turned a corner, and then Roman was alone.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then turned to the suitcase. He unzipped it and pulled out a book, which Logan had lent him for the trip. He settled in, doing his best to focus on the story rather than on his fear over what was to come.

[jamaisvuandyou]

Please Dry My Eyes: Part 4

Description: Jin, Hoseok, and Yoongi have had a running streak of bad luck, but Jin isn’t sure what to make of this one: His old friend’s trickery that leads to him being the new father of a little toddler, Jeon Jungkook.

Posted: 08/05/2020

WARNING: None that I’m aware of?

Angst/Fluff: 2,846 words

A/N: Apparently I was on hiatus. So, here’s the next part. 

Previous Part.  Next Part.

“He seems like he’s adjusting well,” Namjoon said softly as they both watched the one-and-a-half-year-old play with his bunny and a puppy stuffed animal Yoongi brought home the day before.

“He only started smiling a few days ago,” Jin replied, smiling as the boy woofed for the dog. “And we got him to laugh. He lets Hoseok play with him now, too, which is a relief.”

“You’re doing great, Jin. Really. He didn’t even smile with me, and he’s known me longer. Also, he’s already acting more independent. He would never have played like this before.”

Jin felt his heart breaking more. “Was he living with his father before?”

“Sort of? It was complicated because of the custody rights and all, but he did spend most of his time with his father. Friday through Monday would typically be spent with me for the past year because of his mother’s death, and his grandparent’s trying to win custody. But the courts declared that they weren’t allowed to have custody. I still had him though, because his dad…well…he wanted you to have custody of his son. He was scared, and he kept saying that you would make a better father. It’s like a god-parent situation. He didn’t feel that he was the proper guardian for his son. I’m just glad he was right about you being good for Jungkook.” Namjoon smiled softly as said boy placed the puppy toy in his lap before squirming up and onto Jin’s lap.

“Jinnie, Nunny hurt,” Jungkook said gravely, eyes looking misty.

“Oh no! Where did Nunny get hurt?’

Jungkook revealed the tear in the bunny’s arm, chin wobbling. “Fix?”

Jin smiled and nodded, carefully taking Nunny and kissing Jungkook’s face. “I’ll take him to the doctor and get him all fixed up, okay? Right now, we’ll let him sleep so that he’s strong and brave for the doctor. Do you want to stay here, or play with your Pup?”

“PupPup,” He murmured, staying cuddled up in Jin’s arms for another minute or two and then sliding down and taking the stuffed dog and going back to the fabric blocks, playing.

Jin grabbed the sewing kit and started threading the needle. “You know, I never thought I’d need to know how to do this.”

“Hey, at least you know how. I had to take it to my mom because my initial solution was to try and replace it. To be fair, it had been a bad week, but I still should have remembered the importance of toys like Nunny to kids like Jungkook. You know, if this goes well for the next few months…would you maybe consider fostering kids every now and then? Some of them wouldn’t be long-term, just until we could find a foster home, but I think you could be really good for them.”

Jin bit his lip. “Maybe. But…it would have to be way down the road. Jungkook is my number one priority right now, and until he’s living like a kid his age should, I don’t want to do anything to upset the balance. If it’s an absolute emergency, then yeah, you can call me. I would never turn away a kid in an emergency, and hopefully Hoseok and Yoongi will be completely in Jungkook’s good graces before that ever happens.”

Namjoon nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, hyung.”

The more he thought about it, the more at peace with the idea he was, provided Jungkook was unaffected by it, he would gladly help any other kids that needed it.

Later, when Jin was telling Hoseok and Yoongi about the conversation, Hoseok agreed.

“I think he’s right, hyung. You’re so good with kids, and if it would be for emergencies, then how could we even think of saying no? Poor kids. It could have been us,” Hoseok said softly, almost hugging his mug of peppermint tea.

Yoongi nodded. “But I’m glad you said it depended on Jungkook. He is your adopted son, after all, and until he’s more comfortable around us, it’s just not practical to bring other kids into the house. Until he know that we won’t leave him, we can’t bring in people that will. I mean, he seems to know that Namjoon will come back, but he still cried for how long after he left?”

“Two hours, but I was able to give him a fixed Nunny and that at least calmed him down enough to lay down for a nap.” Jin stretched, trying to get his back to crack to no avail.

“What happened to Nunny?” Hoseok asked, eyes wide.

“The arm ripped a bit. I think I got it on there well, though, so it shouldn’t be a problem. He’s named the dog PupPup, by the way, and it’s suitable for when Nunny needs to rest.”

Yoongi grinned as Hoseok made an adoring sound.

“Did Namjoon say anything else?”

Jin shrugged. “He told me a bit more about Jungkook’s situation before this, said he was really happy with the improvements he saw in Jungkook already. Said he’d be back in a week.”

“Jinnie!” The despairing wail seemed so loud in the house and had all of them rushing to Jungkook’s nursery.

Jin scooped up the sobbing boy, cuddling him close. “Hey, it’s okay, Kookie, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m never leaving you.”

Yoongi looked angry, and Jin knew why. It was the same reason he was so heartbroken.

Hoseok leaned in and kissed the boy’s tear-streaked cheek. “Aww, our poor Kookie,” He whispered in a soothing tone. “It’s okay.”

Yoongi seemed to give in after holding Jin’s gaze for a while, coming over and lightly rubbing the tiny back of the toddler. “We’re here, Kookie. We’re all here.”

Jin carried him out to the couch so that they could all sit together while the boy cried it out.

Hoseok immediately curled so that he could pet the baby-soft hair.

Yoongi sat down, but looked awkward for a while, shifting around until he finally just lay with his head on Jin’s lap, the top of his head against Jungkook’s leg.

It was cozy, and as Jungkook hiccuped into a calmer state, Jin could feel himself starting to doze. He was tired. It’d been a long night because Jin had been quietly comforting Hoseok, who’d had another rough day at work and that had been too much for Yoongi to handle on his own, plus he’d been worrying about Namjoon’s visit.

He felt Jungkook moving, but didn’t register it until suddenly the little bundle of warmth was missing leaving his chest a little cold. “Hmm?”

“It’s okay, hyung,” Hoseok whispered, and Jin barely registered the blanket covering him, but curled toward his warm companion a little, careful not to move Yoongi. “Jungkook is cuddled up with Yoongi.”

Jin smiled, forcing his eyes open to see the child curled up under a throw blanket on Yoongi’s chest. “Does he work tomorrow?”

“Not until later in the day. I took pictures,” Hoseok whispered, petting Jin’s hair. “With your phone. And I might have accidentally read some of your texts.”

“Anything interesting?”

“Namjoon sent you texts saying if you were considering it in the future, that he would need you to fill out paperwork now so that it had time to process. And that you should talk to us about agreeing to a background check.” Hoseok wrapped his arms around Jin a little tighter. “And there was a text from one of your coworkers.”

Jin frowned.

“I wanted to delete it. Can I?”

“That bad?” Jin’s heart fell.

Hoseok nodded.

“Do it. I don’t want to see it.” Jin shifted so he could see Jungkook just by opening his eyes. “Hoseok…Jungkook is getting better, right?”

“So much better, hyung.”

“You know that, hyung,” Yoongi murmured. “You’re just tired. Relax. Hoseok and I have Jungkook. And he allows us to have him, now. Because he trusts you. Someday he’ll trust us, but for now he trusts you and that’s enough. Don’t think, just sleep.”

“We should have that framed on our wall,” Hoseok chuckled lowly, more to himself if Jin was guessing. “Except, usually, Jin-hyung is saying it to us.”

“Jinnie!” Jungkook suddenly squeaked out, jerking up from Yoongi’s chest and almost sliding off—prevented by Yoongi who was equally as startled and slightly injured from the boy’s head hitting his chin.

Hoseok moved before Jin could get his body to comply, scooping up Jungkook while Yoongi went to get an ice-cube for his tongue, which was apparently bleeding.

Jin didn’t even need to move, really, just hugged Jungkook and blearily watched his best friends taking care of one of their tongues and making sure that they didn’t need to take him to see a doctor.

Jungkook seemed to find Jin’s presence enough to calm himself, and get curious about what the other two were doing.

Jin just shrugged down at the boy when the little one pointed toward the kitchen. “Yoongi hurt himself. Hobi is taking care of him.”

Jungkook nodded, still sniffling from his quick bout of tears. “Kiss make better?”

“Uh, not this one. He bit his tongue,” Jin told him, sticking his tongue out to illustrate.

Jungkook’s eyes got huge, but then he let out a choked, snort-giggle that had Jin rushing to grab a tissue and clean his face. Because if there was one thing they all knew, Jungkook did not like to be dirty or icky.

Hoseok came over, looking queasy. “I can’t.”

Jin nodded. “I have to go help Yoongi, okay, Kookie?”

Jungkook nodded, grabbing another tissue and playing with it a little, casually crawling onto Hoseok’s lap as he sat down.

Jin went into the kitchen, where Yoongi was holding ice wrapped in paper towel to his tongue and making a pained face. “Let me see.”

Yoongi reluctantly moved the ice.

Jin looked it over, using a towel to clear blood from it, then shook his head. “Hang on, let me get some gauze from the bathroom. It doesn’t look bad, right now.”

Yoongi just grunted.

Jin got some gauze and went back, placing it and then using them to apply pressure. “Hold that, same pressure.”

Yoongi did as he was told.

“Do that for the next few minutes. If the bleeding doesn’t stop, we’ll go to the clinic. If it does, then you’ll be fine. Just…maybe avoid super hot food for a while. Like with wisdom teeth.”

Yoongi stared at him blankly.

“Yoongi…you’ve had your wisdom teeth out…right?”

Yoongi slowly shook his head.

Jin closed his eyes. “When you went to the dentist—because I made you, by the way—did they mention anything about your wisdom teeth?”

Yoongi slowly nodded.

“Did they mention that you needed to get them out?”

Yoongi nodded.

“Was the word ‘impacted’ mentioned?” Jin could see by the immediate wariness in Yoongi’s gaze that it was, even as the younger man nodded.

Jin groaned and kicked the dining chair back so he could drop into it. “Yooongiiiii.”

“ ‘E ah ‘o o’ey!” Yoongi protested, still holding his tongue—in the literal sense.

“We do now! You’re doing it. Quit your job, go to the dentist, get your wisdom teeth out, suffer and make the rest of us suffer with you, then find another job.” Jin got up, shoving the chair back in to check Yoongi’s tongue again. “It’s fine. It doesn’t look swollen either so you can discard that ice.”

“Hyung,” Yoongi murmured, grabbing Jin’s sleeve with his clean hand. “I can’t—”

“You can, and you will. I put us on the budget, I can adjust it as needed to accommodate what we need. Don’t fight me on this, Yoongi. Please.”

Yoongi’s grip tightened. “Hyung…I haven’t told Hobi yet. I got fired. I was job searching earlier.”

Jin hugged him, ignoring how Yoongi doesn’t normally like hugs and physical affection. Holding him tightly until Yoongi seemed to crumple and start quietly crying.

Hoseok brought Jungkook in and they both got in on the hug.

Jungkook even kissed Yoongi’s cheek. “No cry, Yoon’i hyungie.”

Yoongi just took Jungkook from Hoseok, holding onto him like it was the only way he’d ever be okay.

Jungkook hugged Yoongi’s neck. “Is okay. Jinnie make better.”

Jin shook his head behind Jungkook, trying to figure out what he did to make the toddler hold so much stock in his ability to fix things.

Which was how Hoseok’s worried face caught Jin’s eye, mouthing the question that Jin couldn’t answer. It was Yoongi’s question to answer.

So instead, Jin put an arm around Hoseok’s waist and pulled him more tightly into their little group hug.

Family hug.

Hoseok snuggled tightly to Jin’s side, clutching the back of his shirt.

Yoongi finally seemed calm. “He’s asleep again.”

Jin nodded. “I’ll put him to bed. I’ll also try to stay in the room next to him tonight instead of in the room. Keep the baby monitor.” He carefully took Jungkook and headed down the hall so that Hoseok and Yoongi could talk.

Jungkook looked like he was sleeping peacefully now.

Jin adjusted the baby monitor, then arranged the stuffed animals in the corners of the crib the way Jungkook liked because of Jin’s story about them protecting him some nights ago. Then he quietly went out and changed, before crawling under the covers of the spare bed in the room next door, leaving the master bedroom to the others—who he could still hear in the kitchen.

He shifted down to get more comfortable, the drowsiness from before sneaking back up on him.

“Hyung?”

Jin looked up and blinked sleepily. “Hoseok?”

Yoongi’s head poked up from behind the other. “Jin-hyung….”

He relaxed and moved over with a smile, knowing exactly what they wanted. “I’d love that.”

Hoseok scurried into the bed with him, pressing against Jin and hiding his face in his shoulder.

Yoongi was slower, shuffling over and getting comfortable on Hoseok’s other side, making sure all three of them were covered.

“Think he’ll sleep through the night?” Hoseok asked, sounding like he was slipping quickly into dreamland.

Jin hummed a minor note, not optimistic about his chances of sleeping through the night. He carded his fingers through Hoseok’s hair. “You work early tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok sighed softly.

Jin nodded. “I’ll wake you up.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

Yoongi shared a fond look with Jin as Hoseok fell asleep. “I know you’re worried about me and all, and I’m not going to tell you not to be. But…how are you doing?”

Jin shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m tired, and the sadness comes and goes, but seeing Jungkook start to be okay is just so…fulfilling. Most of the time I just feel angry, though. How could anyone leave him?”

“Hyung,” Yoongi softly intervened. “How are you?”

Jin swallowed, holding Hoseok tighter. He shook his head again. “I can’t relax. Not easily. Not even then Namjoon said I was doing great with Jungkook. I’m always afraid that something is going to happen to take him away, to remove him from us. Throw us back into the hole we’ve been down for so long, just as we were climbing out. Just as we were finally having a streak of good luck. I think I have more nightmares than Jungkook, Yoongi.”

Yoongi took one of Jin’s hands. “He’s yours, hyung. Forever. You’d have to really ffff—mess up,” Yoongi carefully amended when Jin gave him a slight glare. They had agreed to eliminate swearing from the house since the one time Yoongi had slipped Jungkook had started bawling and wouldn’t let Yoongi near him for the next three hours and only calmed down when he was hiding in a closet with Jin—which had honestly just been Jin trying absolutely everything, because he remembered his childhood dog hiding in the closet when it was scared.

“I should make you add money to the swear jar, but then Hoseok might get cold. How’s your tongue?”

“Still hurts. Mostly it’s just irritating. Brushing my teeth was a nightmare though. That stung.”

Jin winced. “I bet.”

Yoongi nodded, but kept playing with Jin’s fingers. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner about my job. Or the wisdom teeth.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re right about the wisdom teeth, we didn’t have the means to take care of it then. But we do now. So, tomorrow, we’ll call the dentist office and get you an appointment for cleaning, then talk to them about who to go to for your wisdom teeth.”

Yoongi looked uneasy.

Jin sighed. “Do you want me to go with you to ask about the oral surgeon?”

Yoongi nodded almost imperceptibly.

Jin nodded. “Alright. We’ll schedule it for when Hobi can watch Jungkook.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“G’night, Yoongi.”

“Night,” Yoongi murmured, eyes closing.

Jin lay there, watching his two friends sleep, wondering if the reason he fell into parenting Jungkook so naturally was because he was also raising these two dorks.

–

Previous.  Next.

Masterlist.

[wifeymomz]

PREGGO JOURNEY

We were instructed to take a pregnancy test 2 weeks after our insemination. Wifey was working the midnight shift, so she was on her way home. I woke up and had to use the restroom already so I couldn’t wait. I took the pregnancy test with wifey on the speaker and after a minute it had the + sign which meant we were pregnant!!! i screamed and started crying (of course). We couldn’t believe it! Was the test correct? Were we really pregnant? It was a Friday, so I couldn’t go into the lab until Monday where they would draw blood and check my HCG levels to confirm that I was pregnant. I can’t remember, but I believe I had to do this blood draw twice to make sure that the HCG levels were increasing, which they were!!! Looking back I wish we had told our parents in a special way, but we just called them to let them know we were pregnant. Of course both sides were excited since this would be their first grandchild. On a side note, this was new for both sides of our families so had to educate everyone on the process of how we got pregnant.

FIRST TRIMESTER: morning sickness/nausea galore! I was at work and I was craving french fries. One of my coworkers surprised me with McDonalds french fries (my fave at the time). For lunch, I had chicken and broccoli that I had warmed up. The smell of the broccoli started to make me feel nauseous which it normally didn’t so I couldn’t eat it. I started eating the fries which were delicious. We had a OT followed by a rehab meeting that afternoon and I drove to our other center in East Oakland. When I got there, I felt so nauseous I ran to the bathroom and threw up. Every time, I sat down and thought I was okay I ended up running to the bathroom several times to throw up. Unfortunately, this was how I let our rehab team know the news. For weeks, I relied on saltine crackers, ginger tea and ginger chews. I had them next to the bed, in the car and at work. Every morning, I ate a few saltine crackers to decrease my chance of getting nauseous which helped 50% of the time. I had to call off of work more often that I wanted. We had our 12 week appointment where we would have an ultrasound of the baby. To be honest, I was beyond nervous for this appointment because I had a few friends that had this appointment where they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat. I always try to stay positive but also didn’t want to be disappointed if I had my hopes too high. Wifey and I went to this appointment and there was the baby! Our eyes watered as we looked at each other and the ultrasound. I had to take the glucose test (where you drink that sugary drink) to determine if I was diabetic since diabetes runs in my family. Luckily I got the results back and they were within normal limits. We shared the news with the rest of our families and friends during Thanksgiving. During this time, I mostly craved soups and spicy food plus it worked out since it was the fall/winter season.

SECOND TRIMESTER: nausea & horrible headaches continued until 20 weeks then all of a sudden it disappeared. I’ll never forget we had a thanksgiving potluck at work and all the smells made me nauseous. I tried to eat a little bit but I had such a horrible headache. I took tylenol and ended throwing it up. It was the end of the day and I still had to drive home in 45 minutes of traffic. I felt fine until I was 15 minutes from home and felt like throwing up. I found a plastic bag in my lunch bag and threw up while I was driving (should’ve pulled over). Then I realized the bag had a hole and stuffed the bag in a ziplock bag. What a mess. I almost made it home but had to throw up more and it ended up all over my lap (yuck). I tried calling wifey but she didn’t answer. I got into the house so pissed from embarrassment that I took ti out on her. She asked how i was doing and I screamed…DON’T LOOK AT ME. To this day, we both still laugh about it. I went straight to the shower and washed off. At our 20 week appointment, this is where we went in not only to find out the gender but where they look at the anatomy of the baby. Gosh this appointment was so uncomfortable because they had to poke and prod at different areas of my abdomen and try to make baby move to change positions. At one point, they asked me to use the restroom to see if that would help the baby move. Thank goodness it worked. She put the results in an envelope for us to give to my cousin, Lyss, for our gender reveal. Honestly, I would've waited until birth to find out baby’s gender but of course wifey wanted to know beforehand. The whole time everyone kept telling me I was having a boy, so I started to believe that. I asked wifey if she cared what we were having and she said no. We had picked out names beforehand for a boy and a girl. We waited until March to do our gender reveal just based on when my in-laws were back in town and the availability of the community room we wanted to reserve. Finally, March 7th came around and we found out we were having a girl. Bless my cousin, Lyss, who held onto this secret for so long!!!

At one of my appointments, I had to do the blood glucose test again which i think is pretty standard. The results showed that my blood glucose was slightly elevated! Wahhhh! That meant I had to do the 3 hour glucose test at the lab. I had to fast beforehand then had my blood drawn and at the one-, two-, and three-hour marks after I drank that sugary drink. It was torture being pregnant and hungry!  was already hungry to begin with because I had to fast then wait another 3 hours before I could eat while drinking those sugary drinks. I definitely didn’t feel good that’s for sure. After the test, I drove straight to Chipotle and got a burrito bowl and devoured it!  The results came back and one of my values were elevated so they referred me to a dietician. We reviewed that I should eat more protein and less carbs because carbs equals sugar.

Side note: One of my close friends gave birth around this time and told me her birth story and let’s just say it got me thinking.  Up until this point, I wasn’t sure what our birth plan would be but it made me think that I didn’t want the epidural and wanted to do unmedicated…

THIRD TRIMESTER

We went on our baby moon in Hawaii at 32 weeks. Flight was slightly tough since I couldn’t sit for long periods of time and needed to get up to either use the restroom or walk up and down the aisle. We definitely enjoyed ourselves by eating all the food and lounging at the beach (our favorite).This trimester, I was definitely bigger and more swollen especially in my hands and feet. I had to use a reacher to reach for clothes in the washing machine and wear compression stockings which were so hard to put on. I was still pretty active overall…walked everywhere, a little slower of course, and still did things around the house. Wifey would say, you’re so active, sometimes I forget you're pregnant haha. This trimester prepares you for a life of no sleep because I would try to find a comfortable position, then had to go to the bathroom multiple times then have a hard time falling asleep again. Plus this is when baby girl was the most active, kicking and rolling around in my tummy. To be honest, that’s the part I miss the most is feeling her movement inside me. Wifey loved it when she could feel baby girl kick and move; she’d always sing and play the ukulele for her and read to her.

Luckily Kaiser offered classes for free so of course I took all of them from breastfeeding to postpartum care to birth preparation (where they discussed the different options for pain management). At this point, I was set on an unmedicated birth. I didn’t want the epidural because I wanted to be able to move around when I needed to and I didn’t want the other pain medications because I didn’t want it to cross the placenta and affect the baby, but they did discuss nitrous oxide which was a gas that I might consider. They had us practice various positions and strategies to manage the contractions too. I remember they had us put a clothespin on the skin of our forearm and try to breath through the discomfort for one minute. At home, we practiced with an ice cube (a tip I got from someone on facebook). I would hold the ice cube in my hand for one minute while trying to breathe and wifey would try the different positions we learned in class. I also did a tour of the hospital twice (Kaiser Walnut Creek)…once with my MIL because they had the midwives present for Q&A since and she was available to come with me and another time with wifey when she had a day off. During this tour, they showed us “room 7” which was the only room with a tub. They had mentioned it is first come first serve and women with unmedicated birth plans take priority. Luckily at this hospital, the midwives are assigned unless the birthing person prefers not to have a midwife or they have complications that require an OB. Our ultimate goal: have a midwife and be in room 7

I took the month off before babygirl’s due date to be at home, rest (I was getting much more tired from the commute to and from work and hated being in the car that long), nest (get everything ready) and spend time with wifey since it would be our last month of just the two of us.