#i watched the 18 episodes in a row i was SO tired but that was worth it

[laul-self-fif]

oh oh,,

another one

[holdmytesseract]

Lost

Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader

Summary: Daryl isn't the same since the incident at the bridge. He rather searches in the woods for his brother, than staying in Alexandria. He needs space - and you respect that. But when you visit him, all your dreams and hopes come crashing down at what you stumble upon...

Warnings: usual TWD stuff, some swear words, mentions of cheating? angst, kinda sad

Set in Season 10!

Word Count: 2,6k

a/n: Finally I made it to write another Daryl oneshot! Yay! 😁 I watched episode 18 of season 10 and well... Got this idea - and it turned out to be kinda sad, honestly... 🙈 I hope you enjoy it! Also, sorry to all the Leah fans out there! 🙈

Tagging: @in-this-minute @thefemininemystiquee @hotgirlsshareaccounts @azanoni @lokisgoodgirl

If you want to be added to my Daryl taglist, please let me know!

MASTERLIST ǁ PART TWO

The sun was about to set, when you saw the walls of the Kingdom appear in the distance. You stopped the beautiful brown horse you sat upon, just for a moment to watch the orange-reddish sun go down and get replaced by the moon. You'd never get tired of watching sunsets... Never. Not even in a world like this. Unfortunately got your moment of peace and silence interrupted by an all too familiar groan and snarl, followed by the sound of heavy steps through the high grass. You sighed and looked to your left, seeing a single walker making its way over to you. He was not quite fast, due to the fact that his right leg was almost completely sliced up. Anyways, it was time to go. "Come on, buddy." You gently nudged the horse's side with your legs, causing the strong animal to start walking again. Leaving the lonely walker easily behind yourself, you made your way to the gates of the Kingdom, which got immediately opened for you to ride in. "Hey, Y/N." Dianne greeted you with a small smile. "Dianne." You nodded at her, smiling as well. "Carol is already waiting for you in the cinema." The archer said, as you descended from your horse. "Thought so." "Go, meet her. I'll take care of this one." Dianne said, patting the animal's neck with one hand and taking the rein in her other hand. You gave her another nod. "Thanks." You expected to be already awaited by Carol, since you promised her to be here by noon. Well... Nightfall wasn't exactly noon. Unfortunately, there were a few things who got in the way and - let's say you got a bit... distracted as well.

"Carol, hey." You greeted her, walking down the aisle between the rows of seats, direction stage. "Y/N! Finally!" She stormed towards you immediately, "I already was afraid that something might've happened to you!" and hugged you tightly. "'M sorry, Carol. There were a few walker incidents and... other things I came across."

You had made the journey from Alexandria to the Kingdom, because you promised your friends to help them with their problems. The Kingdom was more than less falling apart so slowly. Especially the old, rusty and brittle pipe system worried the people. As chance would have it, your dad had been a plumber and you learned how to forge in Hilltop from Earl almost a year ago, so...

"Other things you came across?" Your friend, which whom you've known for years now asked with a raised eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. "What is that supposed to mean?" "Well, um-" "No, no, wait a second... I know that face." She said, starting to smirk, "Is this 'other thing you came across' coincidentally named Daryl?" and wiggling her eyebrows.

Carol knew, of course, just like your other closest friends, that you and Daryl basically were a thing. You were already living in Alexandria, when Rick and his group joined the community. The strong and tough, yet shy and loyal archer caught your sight immediately; harbouring a schoolgirl crush on him since then. It only got worse when he taught you how to fight, after the Wolves attacked and the big herd of walkers, flooding through the gates of Alexandria. Someway, somehow you managed to get closer to him, tearing down these walls he had built around him. You took it slow, gave him all the time he needed; taking step after step - and well... At some point you kind of just... got together. He was the man you never knew you needed in your life – and suddenly there he was. The man you never thought you were going to find, and due to the end of the world, did.

A sad sigh left your lips, as you hung your head and shook it. "No... I wish it would've been like this... I haven't seen him in weeks - months..." "I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't know, I..." You shook your head once again and looked up to meet Carol's eyes. "No, don't worry. It's alright." She saw of course the tears, which had started to gather in your eyes and placed immediately a hand on your shoulder. "It clearly isn't. Come." Carol nodded towards the seats and guided you over, where you two sat down in the first row. "Spill it. What happened?" You took a deep breath and rested your head in your hands. "Nothing particularly, I... I don't know. It's just... I'm afraid I might lose him. Since Rick's death, he distanced himself. You know what I'm talking about..." Carol's face held a compassionate, yet sad gaze as she nodded. "I understand that. Gods, I never could not understand it. He lost his brother that day. A part of his family - of his history. I know that he had to do this... Go out there, live in the woods and search for Rick, but... That was almost two years ago." You said with a sigh. "I miss him, Carol. I miss spending time with him. I miss going out to hunt with him. I miss driving around with him on his bike. I miss him, sleeping next me. I feel so cold at night. So lonely. I miss his presence, his attention, his warm embraces... I miss how he used to kiss me; how he used to hold me after we..." You trailed off, as you realised what you were going to say. Not that you didn't trust your friend, but you didn't want to spill the secrets of your more intimate interactions with Daryl. "You know..." You just said instead, lowering your head again, fumbling with your fingers.

Once more you felt the gentle touch of the woman's hand on your shoulder. "I know, Y/N... I know what you mean. I noticed it as well. He shuts himself more and more off." She stated with a sad tone in her voice. If someone knew, then it was Carol. After all, she and Daryl were the definition of best friends. "I would just join him, you know... Living with him in the woods, probably search for a sweet, little hut to live there, but I know that he wouldn't want this. I know that he needs space and time to heal the gaping wound Rick left behind. He needs - wants to do this alone. And besides, he wouldn't want me to risk my life. He feels better when I'm behind the safe walls of Alexandria, so..." You paused for a short moment. "I let him be. I have no other choice. It just scares the shit outta me, you know. I often find myself laying awake at night, thinking that something could happen to him out there. What if he gets himself hurt or attacked by a herd of walkers? Or God forbid, what if he comes across bad people and gets killed? What if he dies? I am afraid I might lose him - no..." You felt a tear running down your cheek. "I'm afraid I already lost him..." Carol had been quiet until now, listened closely and patiently what you clearly had to get off your chest. "Y/N... I understand your fears and worries, but we both know that Daryl is a survivor. If someone can survive out there alone, it's him." Then she reached for your hand, took it in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "And I can assure you that you didn't lose him. Every time I visit him, all he does is asking about you. Asks how you are and what you've been up to lately. He wants to make sure that you are safe and healthy. And every time I tell him about you, I can see how his face lights up and how that soft, rare smile appears on his face. I can see the love in his eyes, Y/N. He's never lost it. Never." You sobbed at her words, wiping away the tears and feeling your heart ache for the man you learned to love so much. "R-Really?" She gave you a small smile, nodding. "Really." You couldn't help but to break out into a smile as well. Daryl was still here - and he still loved you and cared about you. "Do you... Do you know where he is? Last time I wanted to visit him at his old place, he was gone... I-I gotta see him." Your friend nodded. "I just saw him last week. I know where he is." Carol showed you on a map, where the river was located, at which Daryl was currently staying at. "Thank you, Carol." She smiled at you. "Of course, Y/N. Can't let my favourite couple just split apart, can I? But don't tell him I was the one who told you. You know that he just wants you to be safe." A soft giggle left your lips, "Promise." before you both made your way towards the Kingdom's pipe problem, taking a look at the damage.

On the next morning, you were beginning to work on fixing the problem, together with a few other members of the Kingdom. Thoughts were running wildly through your head; heart thudding against your ribcage, as you worked on the old, unstable pipe system to somehow get it fixed - but you just couldn't concentrate. The fact that you were now able to see him again sent your body and feelings into overdrive. You couldn't wait to feel his callous, but gentle hands enveloping yours. You couldn't wait to wrap your arms around his strong, broad body. You couldn't wait to taste his lips with yours again and hopefully just dive into the depths of the love you shared with him. All you could think about was him - which you got punished for. "Ouch!" You yelped, as the hammer didn't come down on the metal, but on your thumb. You hissed and let go of the piece of metal and took a look at the damage. "Y/N?! Everything alright?!" Carol's voice urged to your ears, from around the corner. "Yeah, fine!" You called out, reassuring her. "Just accidentally hit my thumb." "You sure?" "Yeah!"

Unfortunately, this wasn't the only 'incident' that happened to you that day. You just weren't able to focus on the task ahead... "Y/N, I think you should stop working for today."  Carol stated, approaching you with her arms crossed over her chest. "But I-" "No." She shook her head interrupting you and shaking her head. "You are absent-minded. So slowly I'm afraid you are really going to hurt yourself badly - or damage the already damaged pipes even more, so..." You looked at her, eyes fill with sorrow. You already wanted to apologise and tell her, that you'd try to focus now, but Carol was faster. "Go to him." She said, a smile spread over her face. You blinked. "B-But... I promised to help you..." "Yes, but not in the moment. I know you want to see Daryl, so go, have a wonderful night with him and come back to help us. Deal?" You breathed out a soft laugh, nodding. "Deal." You grabbed your things and Carol's map; and immediately went to the stables to get your horse. Securing your knives to your belt and slinging your bow and arrows over your shoulder, you sat up on the brown stallion. "Let's go, find him." The guards on the gates let you out, closing the steel 'door' behind you.

As fast as possible you rode towards the river, navigating through the woods. It was another thing you learned from Daryl. Using maps correctly - and in that moment, you were more than just grateful that he taught you that.

When you saw a tent appearing in distance and something that looked like a mini camp, you descended from the horse and decided to walk the last distance. You could clearly tell that it was Daryl's camp, what caused your lips to curl into a bright smile. You quickened your steps, impatient on seeing him finally again. You could already hear that deep, gruff southern voice of his, making your heart beat faster. You didn't waste a thought on who he was talking to. Why would you? Your brain was clouded with sheer happiness and utter joy to see your man again. But then you reached the mini camp - and suddenly that thought you discarded mere seconds ago came back to you and hit you harder than a bullet ever could. Daryl sat by the river, surrounded by colourful leaves, which had fallen from the trees. His angel-winged vest seemed like to shimmer in the warm autumn sun. He had his arms wrapped around his legs; gaze directed on the quiet and peaceful river - but he wasn't alone. A woman with light brown hair was sitting next to him. She was laughing and smiling and to you, they seemed to be pretty close. Like in a trance, you took a few cautious steps forward, like you hadn't seen enough already. Like your heart wasn't about to break any second.

You witnessed with tears in your eyes, how the woman placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned closer to peck his cheek. In that moment, you felt how your heart clattered to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. You couldn't believe this. You never thought Daryl was the type to cheat, but well... Apparently you were wrong about this - about him.

Sure, you could've just left without a single word, but the disappointment and anger you felt inside you wouldn't have it. "So that's what you've been doing all those months, distancing yourself from me. I see..." You spoke up, desperately trying to sound cold and hiding the quiver in your voice. Your words caught immediately both their attention, of course, causing them to spin around to face you. While you could clearly see all the colour draining from Daryl's face in shock, was the woman looking at you confused. "Y/N..." Your name on his lips sounded suddenly so utterly wrong... Before you knew it, the man literally jumped to his feet, already making his way over to you, his heavy boots hitting the wooden ground. "Y/N, 'm sorry, this... This isn't how it looks, gods, I swear, I..." He tried to desperately explain himself, but the damage was done. For you, it was more than clear. You had connected the dots. Daryl reached for you, placed his hands gently on your arms, but you flinched away from his touch, "D-Don't..." and took a few steps backwards. Panic flashed in his blue eyes. "I-I have seen enough a-and now I really know why you s-shut yourself off." With those words you turned around to leave. You hadn't the strength to look at him - or her for even a minute longer. Daryl came of course after you, once again tried to explain everything and apologise, but the lot of his words never reached you. You felt like numbed; only acting on instinct. "Y/N, please..." You ignored him and sat on your horse. "I-I love ya!" Daryl said, clearly desperate. The words stung in your heart. "Really? Doesn't seem like it." You answered, tears blurring your vision, before you gently nudged the sides of the stallion. "Y/N!" He called your name once again, but without looking back, you rode away.

You didn't hear the heart-breaking scream, which left Daryl's lips. "Goddamit!" Why was he such a damn idiot? The archer asked himself, on the verge of breaking down. Once again, he fucked everything up. Once again, he made a mistake, which caused him to lose the only good thing in his life. The woman he loved so much.

a/n: Perhaps there is going to be a part 2? 👀

[bump1nthen1ght]

At the End of the Day

Pairing: Gender Neutral!Reader/Non-Binary Tentacle Monster (It/It’s pronouns used)

Genre: Fluff, First Times, Comfort

Warnings: Explicit Content up ahead (18+ only!), Tentacles, Slight mention of Aphrodisiacs

Word Count: 2904 Words

Summary: After an exhausting day at work, you find some unexpected comfort from under your bed

Request :Omg I love your Forest Fun fic💕 Could I req a NSFW with a tentacle monster, monster under your bed? I was thinking of a lonely reader, meeting their under the bed mate one night where they were hang their hand off the bed, hoping for a monster to hold it and love them, AND IT DOES! Tysm I love your writing!!!

You officially concluded it was a bad day when you collapsed on your bed at 12 AM, too tired to sleep and too dehydrated to cry your feelings out.

You had been on your feet for nine hours, been screamed at for three, and had barely had time to heat up a cup of ramen noodles before almost passing out from exhaustion. Not even the comfort of a screen could help, having forgotten to record the newest episode of your favorite show and having left your phone charger at home all day.

All in all, you 're having a bad time.

You sluggishly pull up your blankets, only in your underwear because putting on pajamas was too much work, and are left to look at your ceiling.

The bed is cold, not yet warmed by your body heat, and the sheets feel a little itchy. You groan, wondering if one thing, one thing, could go right today.

It’d be nice if you had someone to cuddle. Maybe a pillow would suffice, but it’s the thought of someone’s soft touch, playing with your hair, the sound of their heartbeat against your ear. Someone to massage out the stress from your back and shoulders, and remind you that everything would be alright; Whispering promises of a better tomorrow.

But that doesn’t just happen overnight.

You throw your hands over your face, groaning into your palms as you beg your mind to just let you sleep. Dragging your fingers down your cheeks, you let out a pitiful whine before you flip over to your stomach and try to find comfort that way.

You stuff your face into your pillow, one hand dangling off the side of your bed, fingers just barely brushing the carpet. You trace patterns into the fabric, wondering how nice it would feel to be wrapped in something that warm and cozy. Something big enough to envelope you whole, pinning you to the bed. Something with nice warm hands to fill yours, that will pet the back of knuckles and kiss them goodnight. Something that would travel up your wrist, hot and sensual, leaving a trail of warm ooze that-

Wait.

What the fuck.

Your hand jerks upwards, the liquid now running down your forearm glistening. You pull your face out your pillow and throw yourself to the other side of the bed, eyes racing back and forth across your room.

It’s the same as before, only moon light shining through your window and the low hum of your fan accompanying it. You take another look at your hand, streaks of slime dribbling down the sides. It’s warm, the consistency of aloe vera, and sort of smells like...vanilla?

With your heart pounding, you slowly inch over to the side of your bed, not daring to look too far over, too afraid of what you might see.

You fly backwards when the tip of something black and shiny comes up and over your sheets, tentatively tapping the side. It looks like it’s feeling around for something.

Was it looking for you?

You freeze as the tentacle reaches farther and farther up the sheets, thrashing around as you avoid it’s touch, until another one joins it in the search. You don’t move an inch, fearing any shifting of the blankets would alert the creature to your presence.

The tentacles reach about half-way across the bed, almost brushing against your toes, when they freeze. You hold a breath and watch them slowly slink back underneath, wondering if now is the time to lose your shit.

A pair of eyes-wait, no, two pairs of eyes peer up from the side, glowing yellow in the dark. Their pupils expand as they take in the darkness, darting around until they see you, curled up against the corner of your headboard.

There’s a soft churring noise, like the startup of a vacuum or the sound of birds singing. A tiny tentacle comes up, sheepishly tapping the sheets as the creature stares at you.

“....Alright?” It murmurs. It’s voice is scratchy, like it’s trying to make sounds it never has before.

“What?” Your mouth, barely making a whisper. The tentacle points to your hand, still covered in ooze.

“Smelled...sad.” The creature sniffs, slightly raising it’s head so you can see the bottom half of its face. It resembled that of a human, but the mouth extended all the way back to it’s jaw, hinged like a snake. You can see several rows of sharp teeth and the purplish tongue that comes out and wets it’s...lips? “Thought….I could help.” The tentacle draws a circle into your bed covers, the creature's eyes darting away as it’s skin flushes an even darker black; Indigos and deep violets highlight the contours of it’s face. “Don’t like it...when you are sad….”

You think you’ve lost your chance to have a breakdown, your mind already switching to numb out the wave of realizations you are going through right now. All you can focus on are the bashful look on the creature's face, the way it’s tentacles nervously tuts back and forth, and how warm your hand felt in its embrace. How nice it felt.

“Oh, uh, thank you.” You mutter, finally able to make proper words. “I appreciate it.” You unconsciously rub your thumb over the palm of your slick hand, noting how hot it still is, how it relaxes your muzzles like a warm bath.

The creature just nods, resting it’s chin on the bed.

“Feeling...better?”

You shrug. “Uh...a little bit. A good hand-hold is always nice.”

At that, the creature perks up, and you can see some more tentacles come up the bedside. They beckon you to come closer, massaging the mattress and somehow leaving no trails of their slime. The creature swallows, rubbing the back of its neck.

“...Could make you feel….really good….If you...want.”

Your eyebrow quirks, the cogs of your brain working extra slow tonight. But the way the creature flushes, the way it’s tentacles writhe so sensually, you soon start to get the picture.

A logical person might have said no. Might’ve screamed, thrown on the light, and barricaded their bedroom. Probably called the authorities, or animal control.  

But isn’t this what you’d been asking for? And they were sweet enough to pick you up when you were down. Even asked for your permission afterwards, and made a conscious effort to not make a total mess of your bed.

Maybe it’ was the nine hours of pure hell, maybe it’s the fact it’s the most physical contact you’ve had in months, but there’s a part of you that really wants to say yes.

And it’s probably the sleep deprivation that makes you actually do it.

“Yeah. I-I think I would like that.” You slowly unfurl yourself, the creature's face lighting up as you slowly crawl over to it. It’s tentacles thrash around unabashedly, some too eager to even wait for you to get closer, tickling the tops of your knees and nipping at your fingers. You giggle as one finds a ticklish spot. “What’s your name?” You whisper, falling into the soft touches of it’s tentacles as you get closer and closer to the creature’s face. It’s still flushed purple, it’s eyes racing over your body.

“Ghitir.” It croaks, taking a deep breath as your oversized night shirt slips down your shoulder, exposing your skin to it’s greedy eyes. It’s flattering, how much it wants you.

You pull down your collar even more, letting it fall past your collarbone and show just a peak of your chest. A tentacle has begun crawling up your leg, the thick ooze leaving a warm trail along the outside of your thigh, and you gently grab it. Ghitir shudders as you stroke your thumb over the tentacle, feeling the way it’s muscles push against your palm.

It’s hot breath brushes across your face as you look into its four eyes, not realizing how close you had gotten to it. Your eyes fall it’s mouth, where it’s long tongue darts out for a second.

“My name’s _____.” You punctuate the sentence with a kiss, one which Ghitir reciprocated hungrily. It’s tongue along your lips before darting into your mouth, your hands running up the back of its neck as you sink deeper into the feeling.

The tentacles have grown bolder, several now pushing past the bottoms of your pajama shorts and others going under your shirt. One slides up the center of your chest, it’s tip barely touching your nipples as the others run along your pelvis. You can feel slime drip down your behind as several caress your ass, pulling the fabric of your shorts higher and higher as they squeeze. The liquid has gotten even hotter, making your skin buzz and tingle.

All the sensations come together in a perfect tidal wave, so much so that even the rubbing of your pajamas against your crotch has you keeling into Ghitir, thrusting your hips against your mattress. Ghitir churrs, pulling it’s tongue out of your mouth to lather your jaw and neck in kisses. There’s a slight sting as you feel claws dig into your lower back, your hazy eyes glancing downwards to see Ghitir’s four, vaguely humanoid-arms, push you closer to it’s body. It pants and yanks on the shirt fabric, urging you to take it off. You do so in one quick motion, but before you let Ghitir lunge for another kiss, you yank it’s shoulders upwards and onto your bed, revealing all of its body to you.

It’s torso and arms connect to a mass of rolling tentacles, big and small, all of which latch onto you as you fall back onto the bed. Some squirm under your waistband, pushing your shorts and underwear past your crotch and down to your thighs. You shimmy your legs and kick them off your ankles, a shiver running down your spine as cold muscle presses up against your sex. Ghitir leans down into the crook of your neck, exhaling hot breath as it’s cold skin presses into your chest. Your nipples pebble and you run your hands down it’s back, nails digging into it’s clenched muscles.

Ghitir’s tentacles rub your crotch, undulating while one slinks down to your entrance. Beads of liquid smear off of it and into your skin, it’s tip just ghosting over your hole. The knot in your stomach burns hotter, your crotch thrusting upwards, trying to catch that fleeting sensation. But Ghitir is focused on covering your neck and shoulders in sloppy kisses. Sweat drops down your neck and it licks up toward your jaw, shuddering a groan from the taste.

Your head is hazy and your eyes have a hard time focusing, but you're able to feel your way to a tentacle, grabbing it by the thickest part and rubbing your thumb up it’s side. Ghitir lurches forward, it’s tongue lolling out with a shaky squeal. The tentacle teasing your entrance seizes, pressing up against the sensitive skin but not quite pushing through. You move your hand farther up the tentacle, squeezing intermittently before you reach the tip. You brush the pad of your index finger over it and a drop of slime drips down your wrist. One pair of Ghitir’s hands has moved down to your hips, it’s claws slightly pinching your skin as you press your finger down on it’s tip. It bites back a groan, rolling it’s lower half into the bed when you lick a stripe up the tentacle. It’s slime isn’t salty like human sweat, but sweet, almost like nectar.

You press your abdomen upwards, pressing kisses against the tentacle, your other hand grabbing another and half-hazardly jerking it up and down. Drool is dripping down Ghitir’s face, it’s eye’s locked onto you. You wink, erotically sticking your tongue out as you lick up, and up, and up, until just the tip rests on your bottom lip. With a tentative lick, you open your mouth wide and suck down the tentacle like a lollipop.

Ghitir’s forehead falls against yours. It’s tentacles convulse as you suck in your cheeks and move your head up and down, the tentacle in your mouth slowly stirring to action. It massages your tongue, shyly moving further and further into your mouth. Drool and Ghitir’s slime drips down your jaw as you let it slacken, the tentacle quickly hitting the back of your throat. The tip presses against your gag reflex, pulling back quickly once it hears you choke. But you give Ghitir a thumbs up, keeping a tight suction around the tentacle as it gently begins to face fuck you.

You can feel Ghitir’s hand’s shaking as it pounds your mouth, releasing more and more slime as it shudders inside your lips. You stop moving your head, letting Ghitir thrust into your mouth at it’s own pace, and reach forward and feel around for the tentacle pressed against your crotch. Your vision is dotted with black spots, but you eventually find the tip pressed so close to your entrance, pulling and urging it forward. Your eye’s shift toward Ghitir, it’s face locked onto the way you take it’s tentacle in your mouth. It’s tongue is hanging out of it’s mouth, cheeks nearly glowing with it’s bright blush, but it’s coherent enough to understand what you want.

The tentacle slithers out of your hand and presses against your soaked hole, dripping with it’s slime and your sweat. The tip finally pushes past your entrance and you can feel your eyes roll backwards as it stretches you open.

The tentacle is slightly smaller than the one in your mouth and although the pressure is relieving, it still leaves you wanting more. You jerk your hips forward, asking for it to punish your hole like it’s punishing your mouth. Ghitir nods, one of it’s hands stroking the side of your jaw as another tentacle slips inside of you, twisting with it’s twin and pressing against your walls. You moan once more, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. The sensations are overwhelming, deliciously overwhelming.

The tentacles inside your curl around each other, searching for that sensitive spot inside you. The tentacle in your mouth starts to thrust erratically, more and more slime coating the back of your throat as it begins to spasm. You clamp your lips around the base, coating it in your saliva as it nears it’s climax.

Your legs feel shaky and buzzed, your movements uncoordinated as you focus on breathing and chasing your own orgasm,The pair of Ghitir’s hands on your hips help your lower half hump against its tentacles. With a yelp and quick jolt of your body, Ghitir realizes it’s finally found the perfect spot, the one that has your toes curling and your eyes rolling backwards. The tentacle in your mouth slows down, edging itself on your tongue and your lips, but the tentacles down below pick up the pace. They pull out until only their intertwined tips remain, right before surging back inside you.

Your bed springs squeak as Ghitir continues to pound you into the mattress, it’s free pair of hands roaming and groping all unattended parts of your body as you throw your hips upward with every thrust. It pinches your nipples and lays wet kisses all down your collarbone, your chest coated in slime, saliva, and sweat. The tentacle continues to just rub itself all over the inside of your mouth, shaking as it teases itself nice and slow. Tears drip down your face as you feel the rubber band snapping, the fire in your belly about to combust. You moan around the tentacle, gurgling a couple of “Yes, yes, yes!”

Ghitir purrs as your body begins to seizing up, it’s claws digging into your pelvis as the tentacles pick up their speed. The tentacle in your mouth retracts, gushes saliva and slime falling out of your mouth. But Ghitir quickly replaces it with its tongue, petting the side of your face as you make out.

There, there, there, right there, right there- The moan you let out is almost a scream, punctuated by a strong “Oh fuck!” as hot streams of Ghitir’s cum flood your insides. The smaller tentacle spasms, squirting it’s juices all over your sweaty chest as Ghitir bites its lip with a groan. You can feel your body slacken, your chest heaving as you collapse into your sheets, leaving only tiny kisses against Ghitir’s lips. It follows you as your head sinks into your pillow, finally pulling away to let you catch your breath.

Ghitir rests its forehead against the center of your chest, its tentacles slowly slithering out of you, dripping slime all over your bed. Its chest is still alight with a purple blush, their body shaking from all of the exertion.

You find yourself stroking the side of their face, mind still fuzzy as you trace the contours of their cheekbones and enjoy the unusual texture of it’s skin. Ghitir’s four eyes peak open, just as delirious as you are.

“Thanks.” You suck in a deep breath, “That was...amazing.”

It smiles, nuzzling its cheek into your stomach, a small purr rumbling through you.

“No...problem..”

Ghitir’s tentacles lay sprawled out below you, lazily petting your calves and feet as Ghitir draws lazy circles into your stomach.

In no time at all, you fall asleep.

[1kook]

crunchyroll & rail

the 10th installment of my netflix & chill series !

SUMMARY Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. WARNINGS smut in the forms of making out, jk nipple play, some 69 action, cunnilingus, blowjobs, brief choking, jk trying his best to listen to oc but he doesn’t rlly :/, fingering, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, unprotected fuckin raw, its romantic but when is it not… MISC fluffy and domestic <3, weekend getaway <3, the Big Question, shy jk, sailor moon supremacy, jk makes this big elaborate speech about the sun and moon, mentions of 240p YouTube quality, RATING m (18+) WC 8.7k

NOTE (!) the smut in this chapter is relatively short ! I was more concerned with writing this monumental step in their relationship, so sorry to all the lads who come here specifically for the p0rn but today we focus on the l0ve <333 anyway nc 10!!!!! Can u fuckin believe….

Jungkook mentions it at the dinner table one night. You’re not eating— well, you are not eating; Jungkook has been stocking up on his protein intake like a madman —but finishing up some work you had brought home. Your back aches, your eyes burn. The mere sound of his soft voice has all those feel-good endorphins shooting through your nervous system like a shot of adrenaline. “We should take a trip,” he says, fork clattering against his plate to signify the end of his feast. 

Your fingers tap across your keyboard, eyes flickering between an Excel sheet and the report you’re typing out. It takes you a moment to respond, a delayed, “huh,” that even Jungkook doesn’t find convincing.  

In the background, you’re listening to what has to be one of the worst voiceovers of the original Sailor Moon series in a language you don’t even understand. But you know the series like the back of your hand, know what exactly is happening even if you don’t understand what they’re saying, because you’ve watched it only about a million times. It’s mostly just there for background purposes anyway, some white noise to try and replicate the noisy soundtrack of your office. 

To make matters worse—complicated?—, you had been too lazy to get onto your usual pirating sites and had settled for the five minute, five part, 240p clips of Sailor Moon on YouTube (you know the ones), and Jungkook has to wait until Episode 74: Part ⅖ ends before you grace him with a proper response. “Where do you wanna go, baby?” you ask, giving your eyes a break from the data as you move to scour YouTube for Episode 74: Part 3/5. 

He’s stretching back now, arms wound up above his head. His hair— god, his hair —is an ashy color now, a faded version of its golden ancestor from a few months ago. Soon, he’s planning on going back to brown, claims he’s getting too old to be dying his hair, whatever that means. For now, you watch his inked fingers run through his scalp; he looks delectable. Maybe you’re hungrier than you initially thought. Or at least thirstier. “A cabin,” he suggests, and he offers this little half shrug that would otherwise seem normal had you not been well-versed in the art of Jungkook Body Language. His front teeth nibble at his lip, eyes laser focused on his empty plate. Even now, he still gets nervous asking you out. That thought alone makes your ego soar as high as an airplane. “Just something small.”

Usually, “something small” with Jungkook ends up being something big and, in most cases, something expensive. Which you’re totally not opposed to— you’re at the point in your relationship where you don’t even bother trying to dissuade Jungkook from showering you with gifts. It’s one of his many, many, many, many forms of loving you and, well, he knows you like the back of his hand. He rarely misses. 

Lo and behold, it is a grander affair than a simple cabin. “Well, it’s more like a resort,” he confesses, reaching across the table for your hand. Immediately, his thumb finds itself rubbing over the simple band of your promise ring. “Just wanna do something nice for you. I know you’ve been tired lately,” he adds on, voice a quiet murmur that nearly gets lost under the intensity of the pout that appears whenever he becomes even the slightest bit bashful. 

You smile, the fondness in your heart skyrocketing to impossible heights when he lifts your hand to press those pretty petal lips against your knuckles. “Well, just let me know when,” you tell Jungkook. “So I can request time off from work.” 

Episode 74: Part 3/5 starts playing after an ad, and you’d pause it for the sake of preserving this moment with Jungkook, but it’s hidden under so many tabs on your laptop that you lose it the second you leave the tab. Jungkook’s head tilts to the side, sending his ashy locks cascading beautifully. “You know that show is on Crunchyroll,” Jungkook says, seemingly moving past his bout of shyness now. “And you have the password.” 

“Do I,” you murmur, but he’s lost you once more, your true talent of typing with one hand showing itself as you return to your Excel sheet, the other still firmly squeezed in his grasp. Jungkook releases soon enough anyway, cleans up the table quickly, and disappears off into the kitchen. He sings when he washes the dishes, likes to pretend he’s a terrible singer even though you’ve told him countless times he could easily take X Factor by storm. (And you know exactly what it takes to wow those judges— you spent the entire last month psychotically watching multiple X Factor seasons from multiple different countries, nearly considered joining the damn audition yourself.) The horribly dubbed Sailor Moon is yelling now, shrieking really, and Jungkook calls from the kitchen, “don’t forget to take your contacts out, sweetheart.” 

It’s domestic and it's nerve-wracking. 

You want Jungkook, that much is a fact. Aristotle and Socrates and that other guy could debate the philosophical intricacies of the world, turn this dimension in on itself until it was a scrambled mess of emotion and thought, but the one thing they could never change, could never even question, is your love for your boyfriend. You want Jungkook badly, but more importantly, you want Jungkook forever. 

And you’re sure Jungkook probably, maybe, hopefully feels that way too. But the way you feel is… slightly concerning to say the least. For starters, you’re convinced your love for Jungkook was meant to be, and that’s saying a lot coming from you. You’re not one for cheesy, soulmate tales— that was more Jungkook’s thing —but the more you think about it, the more you become convinced that you and Jungkook were destined to meet. Like the planets aligned one year, the stars conferred, a tectonic plate somewhere in California shifted; whatever it may have been, something happened somewhere that led to the birth of this beautiful romance of yours. 

Lately, being with Jungkook has this inexplicably fiery feeling blossoming in your chest, these waves of emotion that sometimes have you fantasizing about the weirdest of scenarios with him. Like yelling at him for not taking the garbage out on time, or bumping into each other as you make dinner in the kitchen, or buying a new rug together. 

(Most drastically, the other day, you had a dream where you were pregnant and Jungkook was there and there was a house and a dog and an annoyingly friendly neighbor and this god-awful tile in the bathroom.) 

Long story short, you’ve been fantasizing about a forever with Jungkook. The concerning part is the timing; was this too early? You’re nearly halfway through your second year with Jungkook now, and you know most people date for many, many years before the mere thought of union even occurs to them. In another life, maybe you were the same, would have held off until the very last moment. But with Jungkook things just feel right (at least for you), like there wasn’t going to be anyone else after him. And you sincerely hoped there wouldn’t be. 

You slump back into your seat, eyes fluttering shut. Too many thoughts swirl around your mind, and the screech of the Sailor Moon voiceover on screen certainly doesn’t help. How you managed to spiral that far down your thoughts in the span of one 240p, five minute clip of a larger episode amazes even you. To add onto your worries, the clip abruptly ends and Episode 74: Part ⅘ is nowhere in sight, a fact that draws a frustrated moan out of the already sensitive you. 

Luckily, Jungkook eventually returns, standing closely behind you. His presence is enormous, the room suddenly overflowing with a shit ton of those feel-good endorphins all over again, except this time they reach an all-time high when he leans over and quietly shuts your laptop. “Come sleep,” he says softly, and it’s a pleasant mixture of his genuinely caring voice and that horndog purr of his that lures you into bed. And it’s that same voice that croons softly into your ear, fingers nestled between your folds until you’re orgasming yourself into a deep slumber. 

Much to no one’s surprise, the cabin turns out to be quite the luxurious lodging; two floors of dark oak everywhere you turn, a stunning stone fireplace in the bedroom, and a truly breathtaking view of the resort’s snowy hill (read: front row seats to watch all the snowboarders and skiers wipe out in the snow). Jungkook had splurged quite the pretty penny on it, so you make a point to clap it up for him when he first opens the door to your temporary home for the weekend. 

The main bedroom is beyond words. It’s got an attached balcony (that you doubt you’ll be using in this chilly weather), and a wooden canopy bed that makes you feel like a royal (that you will certainly be using). It’s separated into two areas, the bed space and a tiny entertainment area on the other side of the room. Perhaps the best thing about the room— and the cabin itself —is the huge, smart TV mounted above said stone fireplace and the fact it allows the phone mirroring option in lieu of not having any streaming sites. And as is with every and anything to do with televisions, Jungkook is the most excited of the two of you. “Baby, look,” he beams, pointing excitedly at whatever he’s got mirrored onto the television this time. Knowing him, it’s probably another documentary. 

You had the forethought to finish your work before the trip, spent two days in the office going absolutely ham on this month’s final reports until your department head promptly sent you home to finish the rest there. You had given yourself a fright upon entering the bathroom that night, the state of your under eyes so severe, you feared it was sufficient cause for a national emergency. Similarly, Jungkook had done the same with his work, cooped himself up in his study until he was free from the shackles of capitalism for the weekend. All this to say you’ve missed him these past few days. 

But even though you’re sorely malnourished in the affection department and craving a good kiss or two, you wouldn’t dare interrupt one of Jungkook’s little nerdy, tech-induced fanboy moments. They’re cute, in their own geeky way, providing some insight to a mellower side of your boyfriend who looks on with childlike wonder; Jungkook’s eyes always get so big when he talks about nerdy stuff. You get to work hanging up the silk shirt he packed for tomorrow night’s fancy dinner at the resort, listening to some British narrator’s detailed description of the functionally extinct Northern white rhinos living under 24-hour surveillance in Kenya.  

(Jungkook’s really into nature documentaries again, had spent a few nights sniffling as he watched that one Koko the gorilla film.) 

The original plan was to head to the nearest store and whip up something small to eat at the cabin. But Jungkook is a little tired from the long drive, slumps down into the couch in front of the now lit fireplace like a limbless blob as he tunes into his documentary. His nose is a little red from the outside chill. It’s so cute. He’s so cute. You love him so much, you fear you’ll accidentally squeeze his cheeks to death. It’s a thought that occurs more times than you’d like. 

According to the pamphlet on the nightstand, the resort has its own room-service to order from. Normally you would do that, but not this time; you had gotten into a bit of a squabble with the man at the front desk after he had tried to withhold Jungkook’s reservation for arriving two minutes past your check-in time, called each other all sorts of names before he backed down and gave you your room key. So you’re still a little salty, to say the least. Instead, you settle in for some pizza in front of the huge TV, calling up the nearest place to order some of Jungkook’s and your favorites. 

You plop down beside him, instinctively cuddling closer when he wraps an arm around your shoulders. “So,” you start, flipping through the rest of the resort’s introductory pamphlet. There’s a loud roar on screen. In all honesty, you didn’t even know what Northern white rhinos sounded like until then, and you probably never would have if not for the man beside you. “What are you in the mood for tonight, sweet boy?” 

You’re not sure if it’s the fatigue or the overall relaxed vibes he’d been exuding since the moment you entered the cabin, but Jungkook is weirdly cooperative today. “Whatever you want,” he responds, head on your shoulder. He even places the remote in your hands, gives your enclosed fist a gentle tap as if he’s just handed you the secret to eternal youth. In other words, it’s a rare sight to behold. “This is your trip, pretty girl.” 

You appreciate the sentiment, but feel the need to clear the air, tucking your feet up onto the couch as you snuggle closer. “Our trip,” you clarify, and snatch the remote anyway before he changes his mind. 

Jungkook releases a quiet huff of laughter, head rolling back against the couch cushions to display his thick, juicy neck that definitely doesn’t awaken any vampiric tendencies in you. “We can even watch some anime if you want,” he murmurs, casually throwing an arm around your shoulders in a way that would have made any teenage girl in the early 2000s squeal with excitement. It’s one of those barely there touches, but the way he holds you makes you feel so safe and warm and loved. So loved and in love. “The ones on Crunchyroll, though.”

For the sake of preserving these good vibes (and your ears [and Jungkook’s sanity]), you navigate to the Crunchyroll app on your phone, quickly finding your latest obsession and mirroring it onto the big television before Jungkook can react. “Sailor Moon?” he asks with a tone that implies a feigned interest, mostly out of respect for you; he’s, sadly, still not the big dorky anime fan you had hoped to convert him into. 

“In the name of the moon, I’ll punish you,” you recite dutifully, snatching up the throw blanket on the end of the couch. It’s barely big enough to cover the both of you, has Jungkook’s outstretched legs and your booty subject to the chilly air. Who cares, Jungkook is a furnace anyway. 

He snorts. “Punish me,” he mumbles, as if he doesn’t believe it. His snarky comment wins him a playful pinch against his doughy cheek, not that he particularly defends himself against it anyway, eyes fluttering shut as you tug at the pale skin. 

“Don’t fuck with the moon, Jungkook,” you warn him, snuggling closely against his side as your favorite opening song begins filtering through the speakers of the television before you. It’s infinitely better than the 240p YouTube clips you had subjected yourself to the entire last week, the graphics scarily clear. 

“Right, of course,” Jungkook says, but a hint of amusement seems to curl around the sound anyway. Nevertheless, he lets it go, cuddles into your side as you pour your full focus into watching yet another group of ragtag teenagers with supernatural abilities kick some ass. 

You can tell Jungkook isn’t really into it, and you’re torn between just snuggling him into a well deserved nap or taping his eyelids open so he can become a fan of this show with you. 

The loving, caring, adoring side of you says Jungkook deserves the entire world and more (the more in question preferably being a fluffy blanket and a nap). He worked hard this week, just like you, and on top of that he was the one who planned this entire weekend getaway for the two of you to enjoy. You want him to rest up.

The obnoxiously in love girlfriend-slash-best friend in you says Jungkook is sorely missing out on one of the greatest shows on planet Earth and that naps are for the weak. 

Your jumbled thoughts are interrupted by a loud sound on the television, a yelp from Ms. Sailor Moon herself that has you jolting up in surprise. Jungkook welcomes you deeper into his embrace, chuckles at your little fright. “Scared?” he teases in that low voice that makes you feel like you’re going crazy, really. So crazy and irrational, and the only thing that stops you from bombarding him with an unexpected outpouring of love is that hard and sharp thing that pokes your side when you get too close to him. It’s not Jungkook, sadly, but something in the front pocket of his hoodie instead. 

And for some reason, part of your brain is stuck all of a sudden, rewinding the last two and a half years like a broken cassette tape that had the tape reel hastily stuffed back inside by a toddler. It’s choppy to say the least, and it certainly doesn’t help when Jungkook calls your name softly, tenderly. “__,” he murmurs. It’s a little weird; it’s not often he says your name, mostly referring to you with one of the many pet names from that part of his vocabulary that focuses exclusively on terms of endearment. Your heart skips a beat. 

Now, if anyone were to ask, it’s approximately around this time that you begin to spiral. The pink curve of his bottom lip is just too close, the mole on his nose too prominent. Paired with the obnoxious tittering of Usagi on screen, you can feel your thoughts begin to overlap, bumping into each other within the realm of your brain until all that comes out are the messiest of messy thoughts. 

They go like this: 

Most episodes of any anime run for approximately thirty minutes. Take out the commercial breaks, the opening and ending credits, and it becomes something closer to twenty. Twenty minutes per episode, filled with plot and gags and tears and whatever else necessary to make you feel something, anything really. 

“What’s in your pocket?” you ask tentatively. 

In contrast, it takes approximately two seconds for Jungkook’s lips to quirk up— first the right side, always the right side —and his eyes to crinkle. Two seconds for him to smile, a sweet expression that reminds you of Netflix and college and quiet laughter and tattoos and silly YouTube videos and cookies and cell phones and job applications and blond hair; two seconds to make you feel everything all at once. 

“There’s nothing,” he says, but his cheeks are pink, and it’s not from the cold anymore. His smile is so big it makes your own cheeks ache just looking at it. You can’t even hear the television anymore. Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. “It was supposed to be for tomorrow,” he admits, unwrapping his arm from around you. 

It’s a little funny, somehow, because his hands are covered in ink, in tiny doodles and intricate pieces of swirls and words that ooze this aura of strength and toughness. But they tremble when he opens it, as unsteady as a wispy dandelion on a windy day, fumbling with the box. And when you look closely, he’s been biting at the skin along his thumb again, that nervous habit you’ve been trying forever to help him overcome. 

Someone is saying something on screen, something important to the plot. The volume is loud, but not as loud as your heart. Not as loud as Jungkook’s quiet murmur when he speaks again. “Will you marry me?” he asks softly, looks at you with flushed cheeks and big eyes and his heart on his sleeve. 

The answer has always been the same, hasn’t changed since the first time he planted the seed in your mind. Still, it catches in your throat, nearly loses out to a surprised and emotional sob that you barely manage to bite down. You had just been speaking, had just been ready to deliver a whole spiel on the importance of him watching Sailor Moon with you. But when you try now, it’s raspy and dry, as if you haven’t used your voice in years. “I— yes,” you exhale, surprised by the lonely tear that trails down your cheek. You go to wipe it away, but Jungkook beats you with a gentle hand cupping your cheek. 

His smile is wobbly, patches of red blossoming across his face that eventually consume his entire appearance as he leans his forehead against yours. Only then do you realize he’s crying, and you laugh out of reflex. “You’re crying,” you say, and Jungkook snorts. 

“You cried first,” he sniffles, smiling. “You made me cry.” 

He looks like a wreck, but, like, a hot wreck. An engaged, hot wreck who’s eyes flicker back to the TV to remind you to pause your anime, always so considerate. You do, hastily smashing buttons on the remote before remembering it’s controlled by your phone, hands flying back and forth as your nerves actively work to retire themselves after Jungkook’s proposal. “Easy there,” he soothes, eventually catching your hand in his, drawing it up for a kiss against your knuckles. 

The ring fits perfectly, snuggly. Vaguely, a memory drifts through your thoughts of Jungkook and Doyeon on a rampant mission to reorganize your jewelry box a few months ago, but it disappears as quickly as it came. You’re taken by the ring, a simple band with a pretty diamond on top. It’s a good mixture of you and him; flashy yet mild. 

“You love me,” you marvel, a revelation you’ve had the honor of experiencing time and time again with Jungkook. Still, it never fails to render you speechless. He hums. 

“I do,” he says, taking your hand in his. “It’s the easiest thing for me. Like breathing, or existing. I think I was made to love you.” And normally, you’d be the first one to correct him. Jungkook was made for so much more, a fact he’s proven time and time again with his abilities and the sheer size of his heart. He was your golden boy, could do anything he set his mind to. Always amazing you, always making you fall in love all over again. 

But now, with the weight of his words sitting heavy in the air, you find yourself incapable of negating the fact, instead sniffling at the meaning. 

Pleased with your silence, Jungkook places another chaste kiss against your ring. “I love you, __,” he confesses, voice nearly a whisper. Your entire body feels as if it is doused in gasoline, lit aflame over and over again. Your heart threatens your rib cage, pounds away with the strength of a world renowned boxer. Jungkook’s hands curl around your wrists carefully. “I used to think we were like the moon and the sun,” he admits, “that you were my sun and I was your moon. In love but always separated by those thin veils of the sunrise and the sunset.” He pauses, nuzzling sweetly against your palm once more before gently guiding them down between the two of you. “But that really sucks— saying goodbye to you every night? I hate that, __. I hate watching you leave, I hate watching you run off in the mornings or halfway through the day, having to drive back and forth from your place to mine. I hate having to be away from you when all I wanna do is hold you. I— I want to be by your side,” he rambles, eyes nervously meeting yours. They’re still glassy, dark lashes framing his chocolate irises wonderfully. “Forever.” 

Your heartbeat stutters, the simple word looping itself in your mind like that night in his dining room all over again, all the fantasies of having a forever with Jungkook bubbling to the surface. Jungkook pushes on. “You are my sun,” he says softly, mostly to himself. “But… I don’t wanna be the moon anymore. Being the moon means, eventually, I’ll have to say goodbye. In the night or in the morning, it always comes to an end. And I don't want there to be an end with you,” he insists, clutching your hand tightly. “I wanna be another star, the closest one to you. The one who gets to be with you forever. I wanna be by you and shine with you and—“

“Explode into a gazillion little fragments of cosmic dust with me,” you offer, and Jungkook nods along eagerly, too amped up on his speech to bother scolding you for your playful comment. 

“Yes, I want to— to—“ The words catch in his throat. So much emotion from the man you once thought was the dictionary definition of calm and collected. “To—“ 

“Marry me,” you fill in, and Jungkook practically blows a fuse from how emotionally fired up he’s become, exclaiming a resolute, “yes!” that leaves you stupidly grinning back at him. 

His outburst leaves him with flushed cheeks. “I do,” he reiterates in a softer tone, averting his gaze from you as if embarrassed by his cheesy outpouring of emotion. Usually, it’s the other way around; you make all the corny declarations of love and Jungkook laughs along suavely. It feels nice to have the tables turned. 

There’s so much to say, but the words all fade away when Jungkook shyly looks at you again. You settle on tackling him back onto the couch cushions, taking his surprised little yelp in stride as you suffocate him in your embrace. “Save those words for the big day, superstar,” you giggle, peppering his red face with tiny kisses that make him scrunch up cutely. “I can’t wait to blow up into one huge supernova with you.” 

Beneath you, Jungkook groans. “I’m sorry,” he huffs, voice muffled against your shoulder. Begrudgingly, his arms come up to envelope you, pulling you closer until the blanket scrunches up uncomfortably between you two. “That must’ve sounded so lame.” 

Leaning back so you’re not completely squishing him, you carefully push his silvery hair away from his forehead. “Don’t be,” you assure him, placing one chaste peck against his pouty lips. “I thought it was cute. I didn’t know you were into astrology.” 

A sigh. “Astronomy,” he corrects, “astrology has to do with zodiac signs and placements.” 

You run your thumbs over his cheeks, collecting any of the drying tears that paint his face. “Oh, like how you’re a Virgo and I’m a“— 

The TV remote you had lost somewhere along the way is suddenly rematerialized beneath your knee, sends the speakers blaring to life with a deafening screech that has both you and Jungkook leaping up like two frightened cats. “You always do this,” he laughs, that loud boyish sound that makes you feel like you’re sitting on a cloud. He watches you with a gentle smile as you hurriedly shut off the television, the remote haphazardly tossed somewhere behind you afterwards. You return to his embrace, wrap your arms around his waist and snuggle into his warmth. His heart thumps a steady rhythm beneath your ear. 

“You’re gonna be stuck with me forever,” you warn him, clutching at the fabric of his shirt like he’ll suddenly disintegrate before your eyes.

Above you, Jungkook hums, placing a kiss against the crown of your head. “I look forward to it,” he responds, pulling you impossibly closer, until you can feel the wrinkles in his shirt imprinting themselves against your cheek. He’s back to being that suave bastard again, and you find yourself wishing you had milked those big crocodile tears out of him for just a little bit longer. 

Fingers gently press against the muscles in your nape, push themselves in deeply until you can feel all the tension seeping out, turning you into a limbless blob over Jungkook. “Jeez,” you sigh, eyes fluttering shut. “And you wanted to wait until tomorrow.”

He huffs out a laugh. “I just thought you’d rather get engaged at a fancy restaurant with a pretty dress,” he defends, and you can hear the grin on his face. “For the photos.”

“Fair point,” you concede, eventually pushing yourself up so you’re not entirely squishing your boyfriend beneath you. Jungkook is already looking at you when you lift your head, has got this funny double-chin from this angle that makes his normally sharp jawline disappear. You find yourself tapping a finger against his chin, on the chocolate chip mole that hides itself beneath his plump bottom lip. “If anything, just propose to me again tomorrow at the restaurant.”

It wins you an eye-roll. “I’m not gonna propose to you again tomorrow,” he laughs, doesn’t even push you away when you become annoying and start tapping your fingers against all his beauty marks like you’re playing Whack-a-Mole. 

“Booo,” you frown, but let it go soon enough, foregoing your little game to press your lips against his. “Then I better make this a night to remember,” you murmur, tilting your head to the side.

Your hands dip into his luscious locks, fingernails tracing thin lines along his scalp that are certain to send tingles down his spine. As predicted, Jungkook releases a quiet groan soon after, a sound that’s muffled against your own lips. He’s pliant tonight, but not in a way that would elude fatigue. Pliant in a way that suggests he wants you to take the reins tonight, exhaling softly against you as he parts his lips. 

“Let me take care of you,” you hum, the hand that had been mindlessly hovering along his cheek drifting down to caress the side of his neck. Jungkook nods, his irises swimming in lust. You smile at his silent compliance, give his throat a light squeeze that makes his breathing hitch in surprise. 

He’s always at his prettiest when he’s beneath you like this, limbs moving in slow motion as you guide him along. You can already feel the beginnings of his arousal stirring beneath the front of his sweats, his cock slowly making its presence known against your thigh. You press your lips against his once more, making sure to make it rougher than the first kiss. Your tongue is met with little resistance, slips past his lips and dips into the hot cave of his mouth where Jungkook releases another trembling breath. 

Two hands come up behind you, trail themselves over your back and down to your ass, where he gives the two globes a tight squeeze. It draws a whimper out of you, one that Jungkook greedily swallows up. His tongue rubs up along yours, the wet muscle daringly pushing back against yours. His rebelliousness is only quelled with another press of your fingertips around his throat.

“Slow down,” you tell him. The first roll of your hips against him is slow, cruel in that you cut the motion short just as Jungkook begins to push back. A bratty huff escapes him, swollen pink lips pushing out into that endearing pout you love so much. It makes you grin, releasing the grip around his throat to carefully brush a stray strand of hair away from his eyes. 

It’s a gesture that works to soften Jungkook as well, the petulant look on his face melting away as you trail your pointer finger along his cheekbone. It’s replaced with a more tender one, dark lashes blinking up at you slowly. “Open,” you command upon reaching his mouth, finger pressing down against his pink lower lip. Jungkook obeys, opening his mouth until you can see his pink tongue and the dark abyss that leads down his throat. Your finger pushes itself in, and Jungkook certainly doesn’t try to resist. His lips suction around the digit fairly quickly, tight enough to keep you there but loose enough for you to slowly draw your finger in and out, each short plunge pressing down against his tongue. 

It’s a rather short affair, one that comes to an end when he accidentally bucks up against you, pressing his hardened member against your core. You retract your finger.  “Can you,” he tries, but his cheeks are stained red and he refuses to meet your gaze. “Just…” 

You intercept him with a chaste peck, maneuvering your legs until your knees are firmly pressed into the couch cushions beneath him, his thin waist trapped in between. When you sit up, you feel drunk on power and the way Jungkook looks up at you certainly doesn’t help. “Can I sit on your face?” 

He chokes. “I— sure, please,” he blurts out. His gaze follows you as you slip off of him, quickly discarding your pants and top on the floor. One pat against his thigh has him hurrying to shimmy out of his clothes, his sweatpants caught around his ankles. 

“You’re excited,” you laugh, stripping him of his bottoms when the frustration takes him over. 

Jungkook scoffs. “Well, yeah,” he mumbles, tugging his shirt off with one smooth motion. The ink around his bicep is as dark as ever, contrasts wonderfully against his warm face. “My fiancée is gonna sit on my face.”

The title makes you preen, quickly finding your place on his lap once more. With your clothing out of the way, Jungkook really does become a furnace. Every inch of his body is hot to the touch, soft too. “Fiancée,” you giggle, hands on his chest. They slide down, fingers playfully nudging his brown nipples. Jungkook flinches at the touch. “Gonna sit on my fiancé’s face,” you parrot back, delicately pinching one nipple between your fingers. A moan spills from his lips, his cock pushing against your thigh once more.

It’s the reminder you need, pushing back dutifully against him as you continue to toy with his chest. He’d look pretty with piercings, you find yourself thinking, watching on in fascination at the way his pert nipples stand at attention. Beneath you, Jungkook begins to grow desperate, his hands finding their place on your waist to encourage you to grind down against him once more. 

Jungkook swears up and down that he’s not particularly sensitive about having his nipples touched. But when you’ve got him like this, sinfully laid out before you, you can easily confirm that his claims are nothing but lies. He loves having his nipples touched, squirms beneath you impatiently with each playful tug and twist you bestow upon them. 

You duck down, pressing a kiss against his pectoral, just beside his nipple, and Jungkook’s entire body shivers. A few careful drags of your tongue against his warm skin only serve to string him along further, the prettiest whimper pulling itself from his lips when you finally envelope one of them in your mouth. “Wait,” he gasps, clawing at your clothing as if he both wants to push you off and push you closer. You grin, brandishing one mean nip at the sensitive nub. 

Eventually, your incessant need to play with Jungkook’s chest is fulfilled. “Lay back,” you instruct, watching as he shuffles down flat on the cushions, silver hair tumbling away from his eyes. He’s so red, eyes hazy. Your panties are discarded, joining the ever growing pile of clothes on the floor. 

Once upon a time, the idea of sitting on Jungkook’s face had terrified you, filled you with nightmares of crushing his windpipe or breaking his nose. For the most part, they’re pretty unrealistic fears, ones that can be easily shut down after one careful Google search on safe sexual practices. These days, it’s all too easy; in the mornings, especially, it’s become natural for him to guide you on top carefully, holding your hand as you whimper and sob over his face. 

In the current moment, you find yourself stroking a hand down the side of his face, completely enamored with the huge puppy eyes he levels your way. Jungkook likes having your pussy in his face just as much as you do, loves making you feel good in any way he knows how. But there’s a separate matter at hand, one that stands at attention beneath his black boxers and successfully wins your attention. 

Truthfully, there is no dilemma to ponder over; you want both to ride Jungkook’s face and suck him off. The solution?

“We’ve never done this before,” Jungkook mumbles in amazement, his voice slightly muffled from his position beneath you and slightly behind you. Still, his arms dutifully wrap around your thighs, guiding you closer to his mouth where his hot breath fans against your glistening folds. You rock back willingly, hands preoccupied with pushing his boxers down and away from his engorged cock. 

“Really?” you ask, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the cock before you and the tongue that gently laps at your folds. Jungkook makes a sound, something between a hum and whimper, his mouth slowly getting to work against your folds. “M- Maybe,” you stutter, all thought processes coming to a halt as you carefully take him in your hand. 

His cock is hard and long, his tip an angry shade that weeps with precum. From this angle, you get to watch Jungkook’s huge thighs twitch at the sensation, the tattoo that marks up one of them doing little to hide the fact. Your hand squeezes him, watches in awe as another fat droplet oozes out of his tip. A moan tears itself from his throat, and it’s so goddamn sexy it nearly drives you insane. 

It’s one particularly long lap of his tongue over your clit that sends you into action, back arching at the tingles that shoot down your spine. Wasting no more time, you guide Jungkook’s cock into your mouth, let your own tongue shower his mushroom tip in kitten licks that have him bucking upwards. He releases your clit with a lewd pop, hot breath fanning across your lips. “Fuck,” he gasps, voice harsh. 

Admittedly, it’s more difficult than you thought it would be. 

You’re not one to be easily overwhelmed (says you), but with Jungkook’s twitching cock in your mouth and his teasing tongue dipping into your entrance, it becomes hard to juggle your attention between the two. Even Jungkook, who is quite frankly the master of cunnilingus, seems torn between the two, his breathing shallow and quick against your folds. 

With each slow descent around his cock, he shudders, thigh muscles tightening in anticipation. It causes a lull in the pace of his tongue, the generous kisses and licks against your folds subject to a somewhat uneven pace that, surprisingly, leaves you more on edge than you’d ever expected it to; right when you think he’s about to suck your clit into his mouth, you’re met with a harsh exhale instead, one that makes your lips flutter. 

You’re both disappointed in yourselves for never having tried this mind-blowing position before, and equal parts understanding as to why you haven’t tried this position before— it’s a lot. His cock is halfway down your throat when it twitches, sends a gush of precum into your mouth that has your eyes rolling backwards, a whine slipping out around him. Jungkook appreciates the vibrations, letting it fuel him as he plunges his tongue into your hole. It’s a two way street, you realize, one that is constantly experiencing traffic. 

“Baby,” you gasp, pulling off of his cock with a slick sound, hypnotized by the trail of saliva that connects your lips to his tip. Jungkook’s tongue prods along your slit, makes your eyesight go blurry when the tip of his nose brushes along you as well. The idea of his cute nose buried deep someplace it shouldn’t be has you grinding down on him. “We can— we should stop,” you stutter, your trembling hand reaching forward to grasp the base of his cock. 

He’s slick with your saliva and his precum, and your hand makes a squelching sound upon contact. It must feel good, because Jungkook moans against your folds, his thighs unconsciously falling farther apart as you slowly jerk him off. You think you might’ve heard your name slip from his lips, but your mind is fuzzy, lost in your lust as Jungkook licks a sinful line from your hole to your clit, curling his tongue at the end. “J- Jungkook,” you cry, flinching away because it’s become too much, your toes curling as the beginnings of an orgasm threaten you. 

Before that can happen, he relents, leaning back with a heavy exhale, his hands loosening their grip against your ass and plopping back down against the cushions. “Fuck,” he pants, his cock twitching in your hold. A lonely droplet of precum trails down the side, your knuckles coated in the glossy substance. Beneath you, Jungkook rubs one soothing palm against your hip. 

You slink off before he can get any funny ideas, maneuver yourself around until you’re kneeling between his parted thighs, his fat cock standing at attention between the two of you. From here, he looks ravenous, and you begin to question who exactly is taking care of who. Jungkook looks like he’s a second away from pinning you down and swallowing you whole, a thought that makes your toes curl. 

It’s with a cautiously horny hand that you reach for his cock again, holding him with both hands. Jungkook growls, head lolling backwards until all you can see is his neck and his chin, thick veins protruding along his skin. Jungkook doesn’t waste a moment longer. “C’mere,” he purrs, hauling you up until you’re clumsily leaning over him, palms framing his face. A lone finger runs down your spine, its faint touch making you arch forward. “Sorry,” he says, securing an arm around your waist. “I know you wanted to take care of me, but…”

You roll your eyes, submitting yourself to his clutches as he masterfully rolls the two of you over. The couch is soft beneath your back, and Jungkook looks pretty from above too. “You just can’t sit still, can you?” you murmur playfully. 

Jungkook’s forearms find their place beneath your thighs, the fold of the back of your knee perfectly slotted against his warm skin as he shuffles closer. “Maybe another time,” he laughs along sheepishly, his hard cock gliding over your slit, teasing your clit. You gulp, eyes scanning over his lean build as if it’s the first time. “Sorry,” he repeats, but he’s got this stupidly dopey grin on his face as he glances down at your pussy; he’s insane, he’s got to be, what man makes heart eyes at a pussy?

Your man, apparently. Grasping the base of his cock, Jungkook takes care to drag it along your folds collecting your wetness along his length, a deep shudder wracking his body through it all. “I knew you would do this to me,” he mutters, so low you nearly miss it under the thundering sound of your heartbeat.

“Huh,” you mumble, and you’d like to defend yourself and say you weren’t as cock-crazy as Jungkook was coochie-crazy, but that would be a lie. You’re staring at his cock as if it holds the secrets to the universe right now.

Jungkook juts his head to the side, a motion similar to the one he does when he’s trying to crack his neck. His tongue prods along his cheek, eyes laser-focused on the point where your two bodies meet. “From the moment you walked into my house,” he grunts mindlessly, finally lining himself up with your entrance. He chances a glance up, meets your gaze with a patient look, “all good?”

“All good,” you hurriedly reply, fingers finding their place against his broad shoulders. With the way he had prepared you earlier, mouthed along your clit and your folds until you were pleasantly aroused, the glide now is too easy. Tight, but easy, has the two of you releasing twin moans that echo off the wooden walls of the cabin. 

Jungkook’s forehead is covered in a thin veil of sweat, one that glistens when the evening sunset pours in through the balcony doors, highlighting him in a golden light that makes you dizzy. The angry tip of his cock sinks into your walls, Jungkook’s ashy strands sticking to his forehead and his cheeks. For some reason, you find yourself reminiscing on the aforementioned moment Jungkook had spoken of. Of the soft sweater he’d worn that day and the dinner he had made, the blond tips on his chestnut hair and the way he’d clung onto every word you’d said. 

It makes you tear up, and, after laughing at Jungkook early for crying, you quickly turn your face away. 

Jungkook isn’t dumb. “What now,” he chuckles, though his breathing is labored, every inch of his cock that penetrates you further bringing with it another rush of adrenaline. At the hilt, you’re embarrassed to say there’s multiple tears streaming down your face, so you can’t even play it off as you usually do. “Crybaby,” Jungkook teases, but his voice is so soft and tender you don’t know what to do with yourself. 

“Just move,” you bite out, shamefully covering your face with your hands. Jungkook leans over you, the movement pushing his dick deeper inside of you, your walls clenching around him. A kiss is placed over your knuckles, just shy of your engagement ring. Your chest lurches with a silent sob. “Jungkook,” you whimper, sinking further into the cushion, “please, just—“

“I got it,” he assures you, placing one final peck against your handmade (literally) shield. And then, so quietly you almost miss it, he makes sure to whisper, “love you,” before unsheathing himself. 

You shudder, your heart feeling so full, you fear it’ll burst. You both love and hate when he treats you like this, like an ice sculpture in the scorching heat that has him doing everything he can to keep you solid. His touch is soft, the roll of his hips too slow for your liking. You feel so small and vulnerable— too pampered. “Harder,” you beg, your voice an airy whine that has Jungkook chuckling above you. 

He lives to please you, hiking your leg over his shoulder with a renewed vigor. His hands find themselves on your waist, forcefully pinning you down against the couch cushions as he sets upon fulfilling your latest request. The next series of thrusts are jerky, have you jostling in his grip as Jungkook pounds into you with an all new mindset. “Lemme see you,” he huffs, thumbs painfully digging into your skin. You tremble in his arms, heart swayed by the quiet plea in his voice. “Let me see your face, pretty girl.”

Reluctantly, you do, brandishing your tear-stricken face his way. Jungkook smiles, that stupidly handsome smile, his hips snapping into you roughly. “Fuck,” he moans, the expression never leaving his face, even when run your nails over his chest harshly. “You’re so pretty.”

You ignore him for the sake of your already weakened mental state, focusing instead on the brutal force of his hips, the way his cock stretches your walls out. Each push has you seeing stars, thighs quivering from the sensations that shoot up your spine and down your toes. “Oh,” you mewl, hands gripping his biceps as you lose yourself to him. Your eyes roll back, vision a mess of colors and nothingness all at once. 

“Is this hard enough?” Jungkook husks out, and he sounds so close. His proximity is confirmed when his mouth slots against yours, his harsh breath mingling with your own as he continues to frantically buck into your inviting heat, each new round of thrusts leaving you weaker and weaker than before. “God,” Jungkook cries, the sound nearly lost beneath your own moans and whimpers. “Gonna k- keep you forever,” he spits, tongue slipping into your mouth.

He’s messier than usual, moves with unrefined movements unlike his normal self. You don’t care, you love him all the same. His sloppy kisses turn into desperate ones, matching the pace of his hips. “Kook,” you sob, arms wrapping themselves around his neck, pulling him close until his thrusts are reduced to a shallower depth. 

“I’ve got you,” he croons, lips against your jawline. His cock presses in and you swear you feel it alongside every inch of your walls, a warmth blossoming in your stomach. He’s layering messy kisses down your face now, lips sucking dark marks any chance he gets. 

True to his word, Jungkook indeed has you. His cock pistons in and out at an astonishing pace, each surge into your folds making you dizzy over and over again. It’s a feeling you fear you’ll never grow tired of, in fact, it’s a feeling you fear you’ll begin to crave even more in the future. The good thing is, that future will extend into forever. 

You yank him towards you, swallow his low laughter with your lips. Jungkook doesn’t complain, lowering himself until he’s practically squishing you beneath his beefy body, cock ramming in and out despite all that. His tongue glides along yours, makes it his mission to muffle each of your cries. 

It doesn’t take long for you to be fulfilled. Given the fact you had sucked him off like a lollipop whilst having him eat you out, you’re not entirely surprised. That and the emotions of tonight have you melting into him sooner than you’d like, his name falling from your lips as your thighs clamp down around his waist. Jungkook takes it in stride, slows the maddening pace of his hips to cradle you in his arms. You’re like jelly, practically flop back into the cushion when he slips an arm beneath you. “You’re so good for me,” Jungkook praises, lavishing your throat in tiny pecks as his orgasm circles around. “My pretty girl.”

“Love you,” you sigh, and your body feels numb, his intrusion but a small touch now that he’s tired you out once more, your walls tender and raw. Jungkook presses a smile against your throat and, moments later, releases inside of you. 

Even minutes after the deed, the feeling refuses to return to your legs. He didn’t go that hard— well, you’re not entirely sure. The memories always become blurry toward the end of your escapades. Everything rushes back in waves, and for some reason, your first thought is, “where’s Sailor Moon?”

Your post-rump conversations have never been the most coherent, usually filled with pretty weird thoughts and ideas. Still, more grand things have happened tonight for you to be worried about a magical anime girl. Jungkook draws himself out of your core with a huff of laughter. “On the TV,” he answers, unfazed by the oddity of your question. 

That’s how you know he’s a keeper.

It takes a while, but eventually Jungkook responds. “Avocado toast,” he says, though his answer is dripping with uncertainty. He’s naked as the day he was born, snuggled up beside you in bed. He’s propped up on one arm, looking down at you over the ample swell of his manly bosom. It takes everything in you to keep your hands off his chest. 

“Correct,” you respond, “and what movie did we watch?”

Without missing a beat, “Transformers, the first one.”

You nod, glancing at the ceiling as you rack your brain for any other trivia questions to ask your fiancé. “The title of the playlist you made?”

A flush paints his cheeks. “Date Night playlist,” he answers through a pout, reprimanding you for bringing up such a memory with a flick to your forehead. You wince. “I was young and silly,” he defends.

You beam, cuddling into his side until he’s forced to lay back down. “Yeah, yeah,” you tease. “We’re only gonna get older from here,” you lament. You’d say it’s difficult to picture him with a gray head of hair, but his current silvery locks don’t leave much room for your imagination.

Jungkook pulls you close. A beat of silence passes, and then, “so who are we telling first?”

Definitely Namjoon.

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[spaceoddball1969]

Falling for the Freak - Eddie Munson Fix-It Fic - Chapter 18

Hey there friends! I hope you all are doing well. I’m counting down the days until I can finally move out of my parents house. I love them but they are problematic and messy as fuck and I’m getting really tired of it. I just want out. Thank you for being kind and understanding about my wacky posting schedule. I really appreciate it. Also I can’t even begin to explain how much the comments I get mean to me. They’re always so sweet and they make my day, so if you have left a comment or sent me a note about this fic just know that I appreciate your communications so much. 

CHAPTER SUMMARY: The reader and Eddie make their way through the woods and end up at Skull Rock. They’re out of supplies and have lost their one way to communicate with the gang. As things seem to become more and more desperate, the reader and Eddie struggle to remain hopeful about the future.

DISCLAIMERS/WARNINGS: Not really a whole bunch I guess. Mentions of dead bodies/violence, language but we’ve already had all that in here so I’m sure you’re used to it. Also, this is a fix-it fic in more than just avoiding the reality that we all don’t want to face about episode 9. I am going to change a few little things about the plot of some of the episodes to fit my purposes. It’s still following the basic outline but some little things will be a bit different because this is my fic and I can do what I want.

Chapter 18

It had been a long night to say the least. The swim to the shore had been exhausting. We sat at the edge of the woods for several hours, watching as Jason tried and failed to retrieve his friend’s body. When he realized the situation was hopeless, he swam back to shore and disappeared to the house. While he was in there, Eddie returned to the water and got back in the boat. He rowed it as fast as he could back to me. Together we hid it in a pile of brush along the shoreline. We had just finished disguising the boat when we first heard the sirens. Then there was a swarm of police cars and emergency vehicles piling up the driveway of Reefer Rick’s house. Eddie and I disappeared into the dark woods before we could see any of the police get out of their cars. 

---

I woke up with my head in Eddie’s lap. We were huddled together under a stone formation that resembled a human skull. My clothes were still mildly damp from the night before and a chill had settled in throughout my body. Eddie slept slouched against the rock’s wall, his head rolled towards his left shoulder. I sat up sleepily and rubbed at my eyes. My skin and body felt wrong. I was cold and clammy and my body was stiff and sore. I tried to stretch out the kinks in my muscles, but they seemed to have settled deeply.

I nudged Eddie awake and he woke with a jolt. When his eyes locked on me, he let out a long breath. He looked around at our surroundings and smirked.

“What could possibly be funny about this situation?” I asked.

“This place is called Skull Rock,” Eddie said, “It was so dark last night I didn’t realize we’d made it all the way out here.”

“I’m still missing the joke,” I said.

“It’s a make out place,” Eddie said. “Kinda ironic that we ended up here don’t you think?”

“That’s one word for it,” I said. 

Eddie got quiet and rubbed slowly at my back. I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped both arms around me and held me close against him.

“I suppose we can’t go back to the house,” Eddie said.

“Probably not,” I said. “I just hope the others realize it’s not safe anymore,”

“Shit,” Eddie said. “We don’t have a walkie, do we?”

“I left it in the bedroom back at the house,” I said.

“Shit,” Eddie said again. “We’ve gotta find one,”

“Because walkie talkies are just lying around in the woods?” I asked.

Eddie thought for a moment. Something dawned on him and he looked up suddenly. “Wait,” he said. “If we’re at Skull Rock, then that means the construction site is just west of here,” he said.

“Construction site?” I asked.

“Sorry,” Eddie apologized, realizing he wasn’t making sense. “There’s a home being built not far from here. There’s probably a spare walkie talkie somewhere on that site,”

“And you’re going to get one how exactly?” I asked.

“I’ll be sneaky,” Eddie said.

“Oh no,” I said, “No, no, no if you’re caught you’re dead,”

“Are you going to steal it then?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said. “At least if I get caught I can just say I got lost in the woods and was trying to figure out my way home. They’ll believe me,”

Eddie looked at me for a moment as if he wasn’t sure. He sighed and gave in. “Fine, but we’re only doing this because I’m wanted for murder,”

“What the fuck,” I said, “What have we gotten ourselves into?”

“Beats me,” Eddie chuckled.

---

We headed west until we heard the sound of construction equipment at work. We paused and then slowly approached as the sound got clearer. Eddie and I sat along the treeline for a while, observing the workers. There were several with walkie talkies, but they all had them strapped on to their belts.

“This is impossible,” I said.

“We just gotta wait for somebody to put one down,” Eddie said.

It felt like we waited for hours. Eventually though, I saw one man walk towards a pile of what must’ve been his belongings. It was near our location and I whispered a little prayer that he wouldn’t see us in the woods. The man set down his walkie talkie as he picked up his lunch bag. 

“There!” I hissed. Eddie nodded. “I’m going,” I said and bolted out of the trees. I croached so as not to draw too much attention to myself. I snuck as best I could to the walkie talkie, grabbed it and then sprinted back to the woods. My heart was pounding but it wasn’t from the running. I let out a tense breath of air and held the device to my chest.

“Fantastic,” Eddie said. “Truly fantastic work.” He kissed the side of my head and then helped me up.

As we walked back to Skull Rock, we fiddled with the walkie. It was much more high tech than Dustin’s had been and it took us a moment to figure out how to work it. Once we tuned it to the correct channel, we tried to contact our friends. It took a few minutes but we finally got a response.

“Eddie? Y/N?” Dustin asked.

“We’re here?” I said.

“Oh my God,” Dustin sighed. “Oh my God, we’ve been trying to contact you, what happened?”

“Jason found us,” I said. “And-,”

“It happened again,” Eddie said. “Vecna went after one of Jason’s guys,”

There was pause. “Are you two ok?”

Eddie closed his eyes and pressed his hands over them for a moment. “Nah, nah man, we’re pretty far from ok,”

“Where are you?” Dustin asked.

“Skull Rock,” I said.

“Don’t move!” Dustin said. “We’ll be there as soon as possible,”

---

It seemed like it took them ages to reach us. Eddie began to get nervous, thinking something had happened to them before the could get out to Skull Rock. I tried to remain hopeful but it was hard when all I could see when I closed my eyes was the sight of Jason’s friend being lifted out of the water. Eddie was pacing back and forth while I sat under the enclosure of the rock.

“Eddie?” I asked. I hadn’t thought of what I wanted to say but I knew I needed to talk about what we’d witnessed the previous night. I felt like I might explode if I didn’t.

“Hmm?” he asked. He suddenly stopped pacing and squatted down next to me.

“What happened last night,” I said, “to the boy in the water...was that - was that what happened to Chrissy?”

Eddie looked haunted for a moment. He was looking at the ground but I could tell he wasn’t really seeing it. Slowly Eddie began to nod his head. He sat down and rested his back against the rock.

“It was horrible,” he said. “I couldn’t do anything. She just was gone. And then it just happened so fast and she hit the floor like an anvil and she was dead,”

Eddie closed his eyes and buried his face in my shoulder. I let my hand rest on his knee. I could feel his skin through the shredded hole in his pants. He was cold. I started to rub at his leg softly.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I knew what you saw was terrible, but until last night I didn’t realize what exactly it was. I’m just so sorry, especially since you were on your own when it happened to Chrissy,”

“She just seemed so kind,” he said suddenly. “I can’t shake the feeling that she was going through something that none of us knew about and then for her to die so horrifically, it’s just unfair. She was so on edge when we met in the woods. I tried to make her feel comfortable, but I couldn’t get through totally. There was something really messing with her,”

“What Vecna is doing is already fucked up, but to go after people who are hurting is low,” I said.

“Well he wouldn’t be a super villain if he was nice to people,” Eddie chuckled, lifting his head from my shoulder.

Suddenly we heard twigs snapping in the woods. I could hear voices, but they weren’t close enough for me to determine who they belonged to. There was at least two of them and they seemed to be bickering. We braced for an attack as the voices got closer. Then I recognized them. It was Steve and Dustin.

The boys appeared out of the woods suddenly, trailed by Nancy, Robin, Max, and Lucas. When they were all in sight, I rushed out from our hiding place under the rock. I hugged Dustin tightly. Eddie followed me and Dustin let me go to embrace Eddie.

“Good lord,” Dustin sighed. “We thought you were dead. It’s good to see both of you,”

---

We all exchanged our stories from the night before. We recounted our narrow escape from the house and the death of Jason’s friend. They explained to us that they had located Victor Creel’s house and had paid it a visit. While they were there, they discovered that the lights seemed to have a life of their own. They led them to the attic, where they seemed to surge with power. 

“Wait,” Eddie said, “what time did this happen at?”

“I don’t know,” Nancy said, “maybe like nine thirty?”

Eddie and I glanced at each other. “My watch got drenched and stopped working last night when we dove into the lake.” Eddie said, taking off his watch at tossing it to Nancy. “Seem like the time you saw the lights in the attic?”

Nancy looked down at the broken watch. “Nine twenty seven,” she muttered. “It has to be connected,” 

“What does that mean though?” Robin asked.

“Vecna has to be in that house,” Nancy said. “But in the Upside Down. That’s why we didn’t see him when we were there. But he can connect with people over the different dimensions somehow,”

As we continued discussing different theories, I noticed Dustin pacing around us, looking at his compass. I caught Eddie’s glance and nodded towards my cousin. Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed together.

“Is uh, he ok?” Eddie asked. “I mean Henderson’s not cursed is he?”

“Cursed? No,” Steve said with a sigh. “Mental? Absolutely,”

Then out of nowhere Dustin yelled “BADA BADA BOOM!” and we all stopped to look at him. He got quiet and repeated himself, pointing at Steve. “I was right. Skull Rock was north,”

Steve began to protest, yelling at Dustin that he was wrong entirely and that Steve was right about how to get to Skull Rock, seeing that he was able to correctly direct them to our location.

“Yes,” Dustin said, “And no.” Dustin then explained that as they got closer and closer to Skull Rock, the compass became more and more inaccurate. “We’ve seen it before, a compass will deflect to the strongest electromagnetic field that it can sense.”

“Oh my God,” Lucas mumbled and covered his mouth with his hand.

“Oh my God what?” Eddie asked.

“When Eleven first opened the gate three years ago, it created a ridiculously powerful electromagnetic field,” Dustin said. 

“It threw off our compass then,” Lucas explained.

“So, if our compass is going wild again, the only explanation is -,” Dustin started.

“There’s a gate close by,” I finished.

“Exactly,” Dustin said. “And if we follow this compass we’ll find it,”

---

It was dark by the time we stopped our hike. Dustin’s compass had led us to the edge of Lover’s Lake. We were too close for comfort to where Jason had hunted Eddie and I down the previous night. I couldn’t help but feel uneasy at being so close to the location of last night’s horrors.

“This is almost exactly where it happened last night,” Eddie said.

“You mean where Patrick was attacked?” Lucas asked.

Patrick? Was that the name of the boy who had died? He may have wrongfully been hunting down Eddie, but that boy, Patrick, didn’t deserve to die in the way that he did. He was just a kid.

“Yeah,” Eddie said.

“It was just over there,” I said, pointing out to the lake. “His body dropped there,”

“We gotta go out there,” Dustin said.

“How?” Steve asked. “And don’t suggest that we swim,”

“We don’t have to,” Eddie said.

We led them to the place where we had hid Reefer Rick’s boat. Once we had pulled away the brush covering it, we pushed the boat just into the water. Steve and Eddie held it in place as Nancy and Robin climbed in. Steve went in after that. Eddie climbed in and then Dustin and I tried to step aboard.

“Whoa Henderson, you trying to sink us?” Eddie asked, putting a hand out and stopping Dustin. “We’re at capacity,”

“It’s my theory!” Dustin said.

“It’s my boat,” Eddie smirked.

“Eddie,” I said sternly. “if you think I’m letting you out on that lake without me, you’re crazy,”

“I must be crazy then,” He said. “I need you to stay here ok? Just watch over these guys, please,”

“Eddie,” I said.

“Babe,” Eddie said, “I’ll be fine,”

I stared at him for a long moment. I stepped into the water and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. I pulled Eddie down and kissed him roughly on the mouth before letting him go.

“You better come back to me, Munson,” I said, jabbing him in the chest with my finger.

“Will do your highness,” Eddie said.

I pushed the boat further into the water and handed Eddie the oars as they floated away. I stood with Dustin, Lucas, and Max and watched as they rowed out further into the water. My stomach felt tight and my heart was fluttering. Dustin watched through his binoculars and pulled them away as the boat was coming to a stop.

“They must’ve found the gate,” he said.

“What now?” I asked.

“They need to come back,” he said.

I watched as Steve stood up. Strangely enough it looked like he was taking his shoes off. “What is he doing?” I asked.

“He’s taking his shoes off,” Dustin said, he sounded just as confused as I felt. “He’s got his shirt off now. Ew, God, when did Steve get so hairy?”

Max took the binoculars away from Dustin and set her sights on Steve’s shirtless torso. I watched in horror as Steve dove over the edge of the boat and into the water.

“What the fuck is he doing?” I asked. “This was not in the plan,”

I watched with baited breath, hoping Steve would resurface. Suddenly there were sounds of others behind us in the woods. I could see the beams of flashlights through the trees. 

“It’s the police,” Max said.

“We gotta go,” Lucas said.

“Steve hasn’t come back up yet,” I said, not taking my eyes from the water.

The voices were getting louder and the lights were getting brigher. Their beams were sending sparkling ripples over the water. Steve finally came back from the water. I saw him grip the edge of the boat but something went very wrong very quickly. It looked as if something was pulling on him and then he was gone.

“Steve,” I gasped. 

And I watched as one by one Nancy and Robin dove in after him. 

“We have to go,” Dustin said, pulling on my arm. “Y/N, come on,”

“Eddie, I swear to God,” I muttered to myself. I could see him standing in the boat. He looked panicked. “Don’t you dare,”

But he did it. He went head first into the water with a splash. I felt the air rush out of my lung as I saw him disappear.

“EDDIE!” I shrieked.

“Y/N!” Dustin yelled, tugging on my hand. “We have to go! NOW!”

I turned to look at Dustin. His eyes were wide. Max and Lucas were already a few feet into the woods. Dustin’s eyes pleaded with me to follow them. I nodded, feeling my body fall into shock. I allowed Dustin to lead me into the woods and then we were running as fast as we could into the night.

***

Falling for the Freak Taglist:

@dilophosaurusatenewman

@efvyqrs

@babeyglo

@aestaethicvante

@kbakery

@kaqua

@starryeyedkoko

@aereth

@livlaughquinn

@paintballkid711

@lorrainlikesprivacy

@possiblyexisting

@cryuki-patootie

@beepisbeep

[jeonsjiddies]

right where you want me (m) | pjm

summary - nothing was getting you off anymore, no matter how hard you tried. Luckily, your neighbor Jimin was happy to help.

rating- explicit 18+

word count- 3680

pairing- jimin x reader

genre- smut 

Warnings: rough sex, spanking, oral (female recieving), multiple orgasms, unprotected sex

a/n thank you so much to @sweetnspicy93​ for beta reading and helping me you’re amazing 

“Mmm.. Jimin! Fuck!” you moaned, the familiar fire burning deep in your belly.

You worked yourself closer to release, one hand pumping the vibrator in and out of your aching hole while the other circled your clit. You were teetering on the edge, so close to release, images of Jimin’s ass in his slacks from when he’d dressed up the night before flitted through your mind. You imagined your heels digging into that plump bottom, legs wrapped around his torso while he fucked you senseless. 

You could almost feel the weight of his body on yours, could almost imagine he was really there with you, if it weren’t for the buzzing noise coming from between your thighs. You tried imagining that Jimin was using the toy on you instead, but you could already feel your orgasm retreating as your fantasy dissolved and reality washed over you like a splash of cold water. You’d been so close this time… until it died away, leaving you unsatisfied. Again. 

You groan in frustration for probably the 100th night in a row. Laying in your bed with your vibrator in hand just wasn’t doing the trick. Nothing seemed to do the trick anymore. You’d tried Tinder hookups, you’d tried the detachable shower head, probably 15 different sex toys, and nothing was getting you off anymore. You were convinced your pussy was broken.

On the verge of tears, you chucked the useless toy against the wall with a thud, and it hit the floor and split open, batteries rolling in different directions.You watched them roll away and sighed, pulling your pajama shorts back up and accepting defeat. 

You weren’t sure why you even tried anymore. It was clear you’d probably never get to orgasm again. Your problem began when your new neighbor moved in next door. It was 3 and a half months ago, and one look at the man had you weak in the knees. He radiated sex appeal.  From his skin tight jeans that showcased his perfect ass to his flowing, see-through white top unbuttoned about halfway, teasing you with defined abs, to his piercing eyes and the plushest lips you’d ever seen in your life. 

Even the way he walked made arousal pool in your panties. He knew he was sexy, he had the toned body of a dancer and his movements were graceful and confident. When he’d directed his pearly white smile at you, you were a goner. That was the day that Park Jimin had ruined you.

You’d gotten to know Jimin a little better over the past few months. You both left for work at the same time and would walk to your cars together, chatting about anything and nothing at all. Sometimes he’d get up early to bring you coffee or you’d bring him some cookies you’d made. You were friendly enough, but you did try to keep a little bit of distance since being anywhere within ten feet of him had you feral and dizzy.

If Jimin noticed your obsession with him, he didn’t say anything. He just smiled at you like everything was normal and asked if you’d caught the newest episode of The Masked Singer. Jimin was kind, he was funny, he was polite, and he was devastatingly handsome. Every new fact you learned about him only made you like him more, want him more.

How many nights did you lay alone in your bed, fantasizing about Jimin and the way his hips moved? How much stamina he must have? He’d dance for hours at the local studio, you knew he could go several rounds. He had so much control over his body, you loved imagining how that would play into how well he could fuck your brains out. Pretty well, you guessed.

Just this morning, he’d offered to give you a ride to work, saying that he had a dancing class to teach nearby at a new venue. You’d agreed, not wanting to be rude, and also it was good for the environment, right? Cutting on gas emissions. That was why you wanted to get in his car. At least, that’s what you told yourself.

You immediately regretted that decision. Jimin’s car was very nice and clean, but it was small. His thick, juicy thighs were mere centimeters from your own and his hand brushed against yours whenever he had to change gears. Jimin's car smelled like him- prim and proper with a hint of his cologne. Sitting so close to him, completely enveloped in the scent of him in the small space.. you could almost imagine him leaning your seat back and having his way with you in his car. You had to rub your thighs together to get some comfort from the pooling moisture between your thighs. This was going to be a major test of your self control.

You tried to focus on the tranquil turn of the steering wheel in Jimin's hands instead. Jimin was a smooth driver, which you weren’t surprised about. It seemed like you couldn’t find a single thing he didn’t excel at. You couldn’t help but notice his eyes flicking over to you every so often though, making your cheeks turn a dark shade of pink. Jimin was paying more attention to you than the road and didn’t notice the speed bump. He didn’t slow down in time and drove right over it, jostling the whole car. His arm shot out to shield you from the impact, his hand landing right above your breast. 

Your brain seemed to short circuit, your eyes widened and you stared at Jimin’s hand. He was frozen in shock and made no attempt to remove his hold on your body. You could barely breathe, the heat from his skin soaking through your shirt had shivers racing through your spine. You were vibrating with sexual tension, losing your mind. When he finally regained his senses, he yanked his arm back, fingers accidentally grazing across your nipple. Your body jolted and heat rushed between your thighs. If you didn’t get out of his car soon you were going to attack him.

“I’m… I didn’t mean… I’m sorry.” he mumbled.

“It’s okay.” you tried to make your voice sound even, but it came out breathless. 

You thanked Jimin once you’d exited the car and politely refused his offer to pick you up after work, lying that you had plans with a friend. You’d spent all day at work horny as you’d 8ever been, tortured for eight hours with sticky thighs and an unbearable yearning between your legs, which was what brought you here, denied yet another orgasm because you just wanted Jimin between your thighs, not that stupid plastic imitation. 

Even now you couldn’t stop shivering when you thought back to how close he was, how good he smelled… you couldn’t stop yourself from imagining his sweaty body after dance class… You punched your pillow with a loud whine before you heard a heavy knock at your door. You made your way to the front door and opened it, immediately being pushed back into the wall with a pair of soft, plushy lips on yours.

You only knew it was Jimin by his smell, and the small flash you’d seen of him before he’d basically attacked you.You froze for a moment, shocked and reeling. Jimin was kissing you. The same Jimin who had consumed your thoughts and dreams for months. Those soft, pink lips were pressed against your own and it felt better than you could’ve ever imagined. You kissed him back with fervor, though you weren’t really sure what brought this on, you weren’t about to tell him no. Live out your fantasies first, ask questions later. His kisses left your lips and moved over to the shell of your ear.

“You know our bedrooms share a wall, right?” he purred, “I’ve been listening to you fuck yourself for months, calling out my name.” 

“What?” you squeaked in embarrassment, trying to cling to the minimal amount of brain function you had left while his lips worked their way down your neck, “why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was trying to get to know you, do this right. But I’m so tired of listening to you not get off.” he hissed. “None of those boys knew how to fuck you right. I’m going to help you baby.”

Quiet whimpers left your lips when he began rocking his hips into yours, his hard member grinding against your core. Jimin pulled his lips from your skin and looked into your eyes. You saw his pupils were blown with lust. His usually perfectly styled hair fell into his eyes and he shook it away, breathing just as ragged as your own. 

“Tell me to stop, and I will.” he spoke evenly, thumbs rubbing circles on your hips.

“Please don’t stop.” you whispered, swallowing nervously.

Jimin smiled, his eyes burning with desire as he backed you up towards your room, shoving you down on the bed and crawling until his body hovered over yours. His lips reattaching to your skin had your hips bucking up into his, desperate for any kind of friction. You probably should’ve been embarrassed at how desperate you seemed but you really couldn’t bring yourself to care, not when your wildest fantasies were being played out before your very eyes.

“So impatient.” Jimin tsked, hand sliding up your shirt and under your bra to grasp your breast, rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Jimin…” you whined.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” Jimin purred in your ear.

“Touch me.” you begged.

“I am.” he teased, rolling your hardened nipple between his fingers again.

You whined loudly, rolling your hips up to meet his. 

“Nuh uh, use your words.” he encouraged.

“Please, I want you. Your fingers, your cock, anything. I just need you inside me.” you writhed against him.

“Mmm… good girl.” he smirked, making his way down your body and leaving a trail of love bites.

His skilled mouth sucked and nipped at your skin like he was a professional. Jimin instinctively knew how to work your body, how to draw the neediest moans from your pretty lips. Your body was on fire, and he was your gasoline, fueling the blaze the closer he got to where you wanted, where you needed him. His fingers gripped the elastic of your pajama shorts, tugging them off and tossing them aside.

He peppered hot kisses along your panty-covered slit, deciding to tease you rather than give you what you wanted. Jimin wanted you begging for him, needy and desperate.Jimin wanted to get back at you. For all the sleepless nights he lay awake listening to your moans on the other side of the wall, calling to him like a siren. He relieved himself more times than he can count to just your breathy moans and was left wanting more. He intended to drive you to the point of insanity before he let you have your release. He wanted to make sure no one would ever be good enough for you again, you’d only want him. No other man would ever touch you again.

He ran his tongue along the lace of your panties, dampening the already sticky fabric. His barely there touches were making you dizzy and you whimpered, lacing your fingers through his thick, soft hair. Tears were forming at the edges of your vision, so desperate for release you hadn’t found in months, and Jimin’s touches were ghosting along your skin raising goosebumps in their wake but they weren’t enough.

Finally, he pushed your panties aside and his tongue dipped into your heat. You almost cried out in relief when you felt his muscle sliding along your walls and licking designs on your clit. Your back arched off the bed and he used one hand to hold your hips in place while he continued to drive you mad with his skillful tongue. 

He slipped a finger deep in your hole, curling it and hitting your gspot with every flick of his wrist. The way Jimin worked your body put all your Tinder dates to shame. You knew he was a sexpert upon first glance but you didn’t realize he could perform actual magic between your thighs. He added a second finger, then a third, stretching your walls. 

Jimin pumped his fingers in and out of you at the perfect rhythm, alternating the timing of his fingers with the flicks of his tongue on your sensitive bundle of nerves and you could feel yourself climbing towards your end. Your whines got louder, your cries needier. You couldn’t stop yourself from bucking your hips against Jimin’s hold.

“Oh, fu- JIMIN!”

Finally, for the first time in months, the sweet blissful, euphoria consumed your body. Jimin’s ministrations sent you over the edge, your orgasm completely consuming your being. You felt like you were ascending out of your body and soaring into the night sky while Jimin worked you through your release. Jimin did not slow down, even as you began to settle from your high.

You attempted to push him away, feeling overly sensitive from your first orgasm in three months, but Jimin was stronger than you, and soon the burning turned to pleasure again, building back up much quicker than the first, and you wriggled beneath Jimin’s hold on your hips. Mere minutes after your first orgasm, another crashed through you, just as intense as the first. Jimin finally relented, leaving a soft peck on your folds as he pulled away from your trembling body. 

His chin covered in your juices, he grinned at you, moving up to place a kiss on your lips. You could taste yourself on his tongue, and somehow that was erotic enough to create another wave of arousal to gush from your over-sensitive cunt. You moaned into Jimin’s kiss, nipping at his swollen lips. 

“Mmm.. your turn.” you smirked, reaching down and palming at his hardened member, but Jimin stopped you.

“No tonight is about you, baby. We have all the time in the world for that later. I just want to be inside you.” he purred into your ear, nibbling at the skin.

You couldn’t exactly argue with that. You reached down to pull his sweats down his thick, delicious thighs and tossed them aside. He lifted your shirt and sports bra off of you effortlessly, licking his lips at the sight of your nipples peaked and ready for attention. His tongue swiped a bold line across one, then the other, forcing shivers from your fucked out body. You quickly tugged at his boxers, simply unable to wait any longer. 

“Need you. Now.” you panted.

Jimin smirked, shimmying out of his boxers and hovering over you.

His length brushed against your folds and both of you groaned. Jimin’s cock was thick, so hard it looked painful, and dribbling precum from his pretty round tip. Jimin froze, looking like he was about to cry.

“I forgot a condom.” he nearly whimpered.

“I’ve got an IUD.” you assured him, running your fingers through his hair to get the sweaty mess out of his eyes.

“Oh thank god.” he breathed in relief, body shuddering. 

Before you could reply, Jimin was entering you, he just couldn’t hold back anymore. He started off slowly, making sure you could handle the stretch and burn. Your breathless moans of his name made it hard for Jimin to keep control, and soon he was pounding ruthlessly into your soaking cunt. Your headboard bounced against the wall but you couldn’t force yourself to care, not when Jimin felt so good buried inside you.

Jimin seemed to reach places within you that no other man had before, like he was made perfectly for you and you perfectly for him. He fit inside you so well, his cock brushing against your walls was driving you insane. You weren’t sure how he hit that lovely spot inside of you every time, but his expert thrusts hit the best angle every time. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight. So wet for me baby.” Jimin grunted as he continued to snap his hips into yours.

“Jimin!” you gasped when his teeth began to nip at your collarbones.

“That’s it baby, say my name… who fucks you this good? Who owns this pussy?” he growled, bringing one hand between your bodies to circle at your clit.

“You, Jimin!” you groaned, body bouncing with the forceful impact of Jimin’s thrusts.

“Louder!” he commanded, his hips snapping harshly while his fingers increased their speed on your nub.

“Fuck, JIMIN!” you screamed. 

“You feel better than I imagined, princess. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to wreck your pretty little pussy? I used to get off with you, you know.” he groaned while his hands found your hair and pulled so your neck was exposed for him to litter hickeys on.

“Oh god.” you moaned at the idea of Jimin alone in his bed, hand wrapped around his cock while he got off to the sound of you getting off to him.

“Mmm… it took everything I had not to come over here and make you cum all over my cock. Your sweet pussy is even tighter and wetter than I’d dreamed. Fuck, you feel so good wrapped around me.” his voice shook.

Without warning, Jimin flipped you over onto your stomach and started pounding into you from behind, reaching a whole new angle you didn’t even know existed but had your head spinning. You pushed your hips back against his to meet his every thrust. You were jolted out of your blissful state when his hand came and smacked your ass, sending electricity straight to your core.Your pussy clenched around his length and he let out a strangled groan.

“You like that, huh? Such a dirty girl. How many times did you fuck yourself without me?” he questioned innocently.

“Ummm… I’m not sure.” you confessed. “I haven’t gotten off since you moved in though.” 

“Hmmm.. then how many Tinder dates did you have instead of coming to find me?” he wondered.

“Ummm, 4?” you answered, unsure of why he was asking about your other sexual partners while he was balls deep inside you.

“Mmm… you’ve been a bad girl. You should’ve just come to me. Count.” he ordered, his palm coming down swiftly on your bottom again.

“Ah, one.” you moaned quietly, clenching around him again.

“Mmm.. you like this a little too much.” Jimin chuckled, bringing a harsher slap down on your ass, then soothing the red skin with a gentle brush of his fingers. 

“Two.” you whimpered blissfully. 

Jimin loved the way your skin turned red under his efforts, and he loved the way you tightened around him every time he delivered a spank to the soft skin of your bottom. He admired it for a moment, fingers tenderly grazing over the skin before he unexpectedly left another harsh slap on your skin. 

Your body jolted forward with the impact and you groaned low in your throat at the blissful burning on your backside.

“Three.” left your lips in a whisper as your high drew closer with Jimin’s actions.

His pace didn’t slow down while he “punished” you in the best way, and you were just on the edge of oblivion when he delivered the final slap. You screamed as your high washed over you, even more intense than the first two, and Jimin’s thrusts got sloppier as he met his own end soon after you. He worked you both through your orgasms until you were shaking and tears were falling from the corners of your eyes.  Jimin collapsed next to you, trying to steady his breathing just as you were.

“Are you okay?” he asked between his deep breaths.

“So okay.” you sighed happily, a small giggle rising from your throat. “Ugh, it feels so good to finally cum.”

“Mmm… you’re so sexy when you do.” he grinned, licking his lips suggestively.

You covered your face to hide your blush and he only laughed, crawling off the bed and going to grab a damp washcloth. He returned and knelt between your thighs, running the cloth gently along your folds to clean up the mix of your juices and his cum seeping out of your spent pussy. You whimpered at the overstimulation, and Jimin tossed the cloth into your hamper.

You reached out for him and tugged him back into bed with you, and he wrapped his arms around your frame, holding you against his chest. Your breathing was still labored but feeling Jimin’s body against your own felt more important than oxygen in that moment. He stroked your hair gently with the hand that wasn’t wrapped around you.

“I hope you realize I’m not going to let you go now.” you smiled into his chest. “There’s no way anyone is ever going to top that.”

Jimin laughed, a deep, full belly laugh and pulled you closer into his embrace, kissing the top of your head. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll fuck you whenever you want.” he grinned. “But I really would like to take you on a date sometime.”

“I’d really like that.” you blushed, looking up to meet his eyes.

Jimin bit his lip to try and hide the smile that threatened to spread on his swollen, deliciously red lips. You let yours free though, grinning up at him like a kid on Christmas. Jimin’s resolve broke and his smile spread from ear to ear.

“Where would you want to go?” he asked, idly playing with your fingers.

“Hmmm...  I don’t know. Somewhere lowkey but fun? I want to get to know you better.” you hummed thoughtfully, watching his expression.

“Okay… maybe… the amusement park? Then dinner?” he offered. “Or would you rather go to a movie? Or we could-” he began.

You giggled and pressed your finger to his plush lips.

“It doesn’t matter where we go, as long as you’re there. You’ve got me right where you want me.”

[district2001]

Mousebusters  Part 1.

Seventeen AU: 14th member

Jangmi x SVT

Recap: Jangmi during part 1 of GOSE ‘Mousebusters’

Words: 1.1k

AN: Requests are OPEN: Please please please send me what you want to see from Jangmi. I’m also open to feedback :)

Jangmi’s Masterlist

“Mr Brainturn” Vernon suggested, causing English line (who were ironically sitting on either side of him) to start laughing hysterically.

“In sync. In sync.” Jangmi added, in English, causing all 3 of the members to look directly into the camera and say the line whilst rotating their fingers

“Ok ok. What about Jangmi?” Dino asked.

How about Mr… wait no. Miss..” Jangmi couldn’t finish her sentence, as she was laughing hysterically at her mistake.

“Jangmi’s decided she’s had enough changing the Korean language, that she’s now changing English aswell” Seungkwan joked, causing Jangmi to throw her bucket hat at him.

She missed. Obviously. But the threat was still there.

The main vocalist death glared her but continued taking ideas for her name. “Mr not Miss”

“Mr Timtam”

“Mr burned the pancakes this morning.” Jangmi scoffed at Seungcheol’s idea. That ungrateful brat was mocking her cooking skills, to the world. She made a mental note to not give him any pancakes next time.

“Mr Maknae” Mingyu suggested.

“Ohhhh it has alliteration” Jangmi said to Josh, flaunting her English skills, whilst dramatically flipping her hair. She was the best English speaker in Seventeen for a reason.

Soon they all had stupid nicknames, some stupider than others (Dino’s took the cake) and were given 2 hours to find the mice.

Jangmi decided to pair up with Mingyu and Jeonghan (mainly because she knew that Jeonghan wouldn’t run much). She was immediately happy with her decision, once they asked the drone director to see where the 96’ line were.

They sent the pawns (Mr Chew & Mr Gilette) to go find them, whilst they then decided to split up.

Within 5 minutes, she heard Jeonghan screaming that he had seen one of the rodents.

“Should we run and catch him?” She asked her camera man, who shrugged, letting her make the final decision.

“Nah” Answering her own question, she continued walking around the lot, ignoring Jun’s pleads for help.

When passing one of the buildings, she suddenly stopped and took her phone out. Causing her camera man to ask what she was doing.

She signalled for him to wait, until she showed her phone to the screen. It was a picture of her when they shot ‘Aju Nice,’ which was coincidently filmed at the same location.

“Can you please help me recreate this picture?” Jangmi asked nicely, giving the cameraman no choice but to help her out.

Jangmi recreated her signature pose during their earlier era’s, which was just a basic peace sign and her biggest smile.

Their photoshoot session was interrupted by Mr Chew, who told them that they needed to head back to base.

“What were you even doing?” Vernon questioned, using a tissue to dab the sweat of his face.

“Fan Service” Jangmi replied proudly, showing off her new pictures, which caused Vernon to roll his eyes.

“Ok so we know what Woozi’s power is, we just need to find the other three?” She asked, still unsure of the rules.

“Yup. He can only use his power 2 more times though.” He answered, looking around cautiously, just incase there was a mouse sighting.

There was none.

Once they landed back in base, they started running back out again. Except Jeonghan and Jangmi who went straight to the drone director again. Brains not brawns was their motto.

They then decided to walk around the lot, and were soon accompanied by Seungcheol.

“You haven’t run at all?” He accused, as soon as she saw Jangmi.

She smiled, shrugged her shoulders, and ran away from her leader.

“Don’t you run away from me!” He yelled. “Come back right now. You didn’t answer my question. Ya!...” She didn’t make out what the rest he was saying, as she was too busy laughing with her camera man, who was running for the first time this episode.

She stopped as soon as they turned the corner and dropped down on her knees.

“Never again” She whined, her breaths deep and heavy. Hopefully her personal trainer won’t watch this episode, because man would she get a scolding. And then probably be forced to get p early and go for runs. Disgusting.

After sitting on the floor for a good five minutes, she then decided that she should do the bare minimum and help her team.

“I think we should focus on finding Hoshi. I bet you my signed Nuest album that he’s hiding somewhere.” Jangmi spoke directly into the camera, with 100% confidence.

So her Camera Man and her walked up and down the endless rows of tarp, to find the performance leader.

Unfortunately for her, every piece of tarp she picked up had none of the 95′ line hiding inside. Although one had a nest of ants, which cause Jangmi to scream for her life.

Bless the audio directors.

She wondered what the purpose of all the tarp coverings were, besides making her life miserable.

Suddenly, from the corner of her eye, she saw one of the tarps move ever so slightly. She wouldn’t have second guessed it because it was quite windy, but the wind was momentarily at a standstill.

Jangmi motioned for the camera to come closer, as well as signalling everyone around her to be quiet.

“I don’t think anyones here.” Jangmi yelled loudly. “I think I’m going to go over to Warehouse 18.” 

She lied.

She slowly, yet stealthily, moved towards the off white plastic sheet-

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!” Jangmi and her camera man both jumped. So much for her plan. Way to ruin in Wonwoo.

Wait. Wonwoo the mouse.

“Sorry” She bowed to her camera man before running after the mouse, squirting some coloured paint on his back.

“Come here you little shit!” She screamed, as Vernon overtook her. She really needed to work on her cardio.

“Oh wait! Come here to little mouse.” The editors and Pledis would probably prefer using that.

Jangmi pushed her arms back and forth, forcing her legs to keep up with the rest of her boys. She wasn’t doing a very good job, as the other mousebusters were either ahead of her or running beside her.

“I’m too tired” She exclaimed to no one, drawing out a deep breath of air.

Her legs were not listening to her brain, and she could tell that her breathing was having a slight wheeze to it.

Soon she couldn’t even see the mouse that she was meant to be catching, and therefore decided that there was no point in her running and causing her heart to nearly give way.

She came to a gradual stop, and turned around to find her camera man not even having broken a sweat.

Jangmi pleaded whilst clasping both her hands together. “Can you edit this so I look like I run fast. Or that I ran a long distance. And not the length of 2 warehouses. Please.”

The camera director only smiled, causing Jangmi to roll her eyes and walk away.

“I only stopped running because I felt bad for you following me carrying the camera. See how considerate I am. You should give me more screentime.”

Previous: Privacy

Next: Hit the Road

Next GOSE Episode: Catch Stock Part 1

[homosexualadventure]

every single lmam song, ranked.

i just finished listening to let’s make a music for the first time, and Oh My God it rocks. it’s a great podcast and if you’re reading this without having listened to it...i don’t know what to tell you. i don’t know what you think lmam means. but, that aside, if you haven’t listened to it yet: go listen to it! it’s not a crazy long podcast, overall or episode length-wise, so it’s manageable even for people who usually can’t handle podcasts (like me!) anyways, now that it’s over, what’s left for me to do with my time and energy that i used to spend thinking about lmam?

listen to the episodes again so that i can rank all fourty-one songs from worst to best, of course. so that’s exactly what i did.

i mostly ranked these on my gut feeling, because i didn’t come up with the idea of ranking it on a set of points before like...five minutes ago. there’s a bit of personal bias in here, so if you disagree with me on rankings, hey! send me an ask, or a dm. we can talk about it. 

so, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into it! let’s...make a ranking. haha. that’s just a fun little lmam joke for you. 

41. the roquefort stank

this song only gets points for laura’s stanky noises in the background. i love laura.

40. shan’t he shanty

weirdly catchy. for a sea shanty, that is. that’s all i have to say.

39. well, i’m on child...

i do love a good gay song about polyamory but it just wasn’t enough in this case. truly heartbreaking. 

38. dog trash

i’m not a big fan of polka in general. that’s all i have to say. i don’t have to explain all my decisions. this is my journey. and it’s your journey that you’re taking with me.

37. echoes of wednesday

it’s not my favorite but i do think it’s sweet and i like all the laura vocals. also the zuko vocals. 

36. brothers in legs

not their best character song but it’s still a song you could quietly headbang to. i just don’t love full story ballads (there is an exception to this, you’ll see) most of the time. 

35. ol’ tim’s tricks

i’m not saying it’s a bad song, i’m just saying it sounds like it was once in a made for tv disney channel-esque movie about a girl who finds her calling in sports and friendship.

34. don’t give me that altitude

very queen-esque with general 80s vibes and i like that.

33. dreamless

if it was longer i think it would be a lot higher on the list, because it’s Good. but i don’t feel right putting a 45 second song above, like, tobie’s razor. still! i love the mellow, kind of sad and eerie tones of it.

32. holiday crime!

look i know this one’s fairly low on the list, hear me out: it’s a good song and it’s pretty memorable as well! but as far as holiday songs go, i don’t think it’s their best or most iconic one. laura’s laughing and beat in the back is absolutely wonderful and heartwarming, though.

31. mr. dad

this one gets a higher rating than the previous holiday song for its good good harmonica and because when i heard the lyrics “but you love to watch him go” used to describe mr. dad i almost toppled my chair backwards with me still in it.

30. mourning ritual

the biggest load of 1980s bullshit i’ve ever heard in this decade. somehow it’s also got a big panic! at the disco vibe and i’m not sure how i feel about it but it’s definitely Strongly There and i can’t deny it.

29. outback sadhouse

it’s RIDICULOUS how well they nailed the sufjan stevens vibe with this one. plus the restaurant dialogue bit in the back of the song really adds a lot. 

28. let down my better dynamite

it’s really easy to bop to and the instrumental in the background is FANTASTIC! jonah really killed it with this one. plus they talk a lot about rats in the episode which is nice for me because i love rats. also it’s the first episode with an instance of “brian does a bit”.

27. the tale of the greazzy creek

i just think it absolutely nails the vibe of a rural campfire grizzled old cowboy song while also being a really catchy theme song. like, i think you could’ve snuck it into holes (2003) and i would’ve been like, yeah, that sounds right. 

26. turn around and come down slowly

not one of their more iconic songs but brian’s voice is so pretty in this and it’s really soothing. 

25. ratless randy’s

i don’t know why it’s this high on the list either, but it is. ratless randy’s really IS the place to be, guys.

24. tobie’s razor

i will be honest. when i saw the title for this episode for the first time i just thought “occam’s razor” and as i type this i can’t even think of what that actually is, so..... anyways, i’d say this song absolutely NAILS the vibe but i have no idea what vibe it’s even remotely related to. certainly does nail the internal childhood monologue though. i think this song is the first one where they really started hitting their stride, also. not that it’s better than some of the earlier ones, but this one forward their songs were pretty consistently high quality. plus, and no one will be surprised by this by now, it gets extra points for laura. 

23. armoire of royals

it’s weird, it’s synthy, has a vaguely billie eilish-esque part near the end which is not necessarily a point in favor depending on your taste but it Definitely is surprising and cool, and it’s got fake british accents. what more do you need out of a song?

22. sybil’s night scare

the piano in this is perfect and fantastic and the comedic timing in the song is just right. jonah’s delivery of “they’re actually real human eyes” is so goddamn good and his singing is Also great and frankly i think we can all agree we’re fucking tired of him saying he can’t sing. i mean, i assume (i fucking hope) he’s stopped saying that by now considering he had the majority of vocals on silo by a bit but Still. it’s a good peppy halloween-y song.

21. chalice for your thoughts

two spooky songs in a row! honestly, i’m not sure what reasons i have for ranking this song as high as i did. i just like it a lot. they were able to include a lot of weird twitter suggestions fairly seamlessly, and it’s just soft and pretty. spooky, but still pretty. 

20. 21st blitheday

i admit it: i fucking hate the voice brian uses in this. but i really, really like the song. the beat’s very good and somehow brian still manages to sing the chorus well and make it sound nice even though his affectation is Stupid as hell <3 the background whistling is nice and his robot voice, which he’s used for several of his videos but i think most notoriously for scrundler in his week in revue series (here), is also featured. it’s a real bop, i think.

19. monday night boomball

i genuinely think this is their weirdest song, ever. it’s incomprehensible and it’s so fucking theatre kid of them, and it’s dumb as shit but it’s really funny and enjoyable and strange and i love it.

18. gentle light

this is a really good song. it’s not weird or funny, it’s genuinely just a really soft, calming, normal song. i can’t in good conscience rank it above the others for this reason, because it’s easier to make a regular song good than it is for a song about fucking a tree, but i want to be clear: i really love this song. it’s a song that you could fall asleep to, cry to, cuddle up in a blanket to, whatever the hell you want to do to it.

17. proud egg mouth

extra points for fitting the word “maw” in any kind of song, a feat i’m not sure anyone else has ever accomplished. also for brian actually singing with an egg in his mouth.

16. you can take that to the bank

brian does an incredible randy newman impression and i love him for it. also it’s just a good song! it’s not my favorite but it’s very pleasing to my ears and it’s well made.

15. rainbow trout eggs

i listened to a shit ton of colbie caillat in middle school and i can tell you with confidence that the lyrics “i feel so alive and i know that i’m happy na na na na na hey hey” would be in one of her songs. it’s a good song with completely ridiculous lyrics and it’s a better character/full story ballad than their previous ones, in my opinion. which is what you’re specifically here for!

14. car mitzvah

i think this is a song my dad would listen to if it came on the radio. i also think it deserves to be in an early 90s or maybe coming of age movie. brian’s vocals are fantastic in this, also.

13. dr. brims

“it’s a new year, Ha Hah!” this song is sooooo fucking funny and exemplary of a lot of their other songs that came afterwards. i’ve been saying that a lot i think. writing reviews is hard.

12. let’s make a music (theme song)

maybe it’s the emotional value of this song being the song i associate most with the podcast, since it’s the theme song, or maybe it’s just really good. (spoiler: it’s both but mostly the second one) the episode is also really funny in general and if you’re new to the podcast and don’t care about order, i highly recommend this one first! 

11. heartbreak in michael’s

a very very very good sad gay love song and i recommend it to the ends of the earth! because this is the internet, and i can!

10. arbor day!

you try making a horny song about deforestation.

9. why don’t you like our song title?

such a fucking bop and showcases their skill for just doing whatever the hell they want and STILL making a fantastic song or video or whatever. they just stop saying words in it and it does not take anything away from the song. could you do that? i mean...maybe! but for the sake of this review and my point i’m gonna be like fuck you no you couldn’t. moving on.

8. akimbo

the backing track in this is ABSOLUTELY what makes the song. plus that one video of brian strutting but technically that can’t affect my review of the song because Technically it’s not part of the song. anyways it’s really peppy and fun and enjoyable and Good.

7. heartbreak in michael’s (reprise)

it’s the perfect finale song. like, it genuinely sounds like the song that plays at the end of a romcom after everything’s finally worked out. i Did cry when i heard brian sing the theme song at the end but that’s just because i’m a sentimental son of a bitch. so besides that ending bit that i can(’t) guarantee will make you tear up at Least, it’s really fucking fun! it’s upbeat and happy and i think they made the right song to go out on. or to go on a hiatus on, if brian’s website is to be believed. i don’t believe it, but hypothetically, y’know? hypothetically...

6. debutaunt ball

if the met gala doesn’t make this their theme song i will personally burn next year’s event to the ground, i swear to god. also it’s a good song to show off both jonah and brian’s range. it’s not like a lot of their other songs but it’s SUCH a banger and i adore it.

5. madame zamporium’s wax emporium 

fuck yeah. learning that the “ooh come on baby” from several unraveleds came from a let’s make a music is the reason i finally started listening to the podcast in the first place. but BESIDES that, since that’s not a reason for my ranking (just a fun little fact about me!), this song slaps a ridiculous amount. they went insanely hard and it’s the first song they made that really sets the tone of the podcast, which is: great comedy, great high production music. 

4. alan rickman’s edible zoo

GOD! the anti-celebrity, anti-capitalist rock song i’ve been waiting all my fucking life for! also it’s anti-america but only in one lyric. but in Another sense....throughout the whole song. PLUS, and most importantly, it features jonah’s literally and i mean LITERALLY impeccable alan rickman impression. like, it’s fucking bulletproof. alan rickman was in the goddamn room. 

3. horsecar!

look. when this song started playing for the first time i went...fuck no. in general i don’t tolerate country or cowboy songs very well because they just don’t sound appealing to my ears most of the time. i put up with country road only because of a funny mario edit someone made of it and now the original song has more value to me. this is relevant only because the same thing happened with horsecar! in that the chorus KICKS ASS. i may make a post on just my favorite lmam songs and also this is already a crazy long post so i won’t go into it too much but i will say this. the shock value of going from the first verse in this song to the chorus is...........Incredibly high and it Works So Fucking Well! it literally makes the song. and not even just for the short term value of Oh My God That’s A Twist, it lasts through the whole song. i’m listening to the song as i type this and i’m currently at the country/cowboy part and i don’t hate it because i know the chorus is incredible. in fact, i’d argue that the chorus on its own may be the best thing lmam ever made, even better than my two actual favorite songs of theirs. i’m definitely going to have to make a full post on this. (SIDE NOTE: BRIAN’S VOCALS ARE FUCKING CRAZY AND HORSECAR! IS ONE OF THE BEST EXAMPLES OF THIS. his goddamn RANGE!! SIR!!! his falsetto is literally ridiculous my pants are OFF)

2. dragon me to this wedding

this is what i meant when i said there’s an exception to the “i’m not generally a fan of full story ballads”, because this is one of my all time favorite lmam songs. as in, it’s in the top three. which i guess you can tell from it being number two in the top three. in fact, it’s probably one of my favorite songs in general. the first time i listened to the episode i went back and listened to the song again three times in a row, and all three times i cried real tears. it’s GAY it’s REALLY PRETTY and i LOVE IT. 

1. save 2 4 tony

so we’ve finally made it to my all-time favorite lmam song. maybe it’s that i recently graduated myself and so this song hits a little harder, but it also just GOES hard. i genuinely think they peaked when they recorded this. it’s one of those bdg songs where you’re listening to it, you’re just chilling, and it’s like “yeah wow this is nice!” and all of a sudden he hits a falsetto and you go “oh FUCK that guy can SING!” literally his vocals in this are incredible and it’s very fun (and on brand) that the Oh Fuck moment here is the line “tony hawk babeyyy!” plus jonah killed it on the backing and composition and everything. it’s the best let’s make a music song and i won’t take constructive criticism.

[popculturebuffet]

Loud House: 11 Louds A Leapin Review or It’s My Bobby in a Box

Happy Holidays errybody! Christmas returns to this blog after a bit of a break to tie up some loose ends, and celebrate my birthday with a return to the loud house.  It’s honestly good to be back. While it can be a struggle to cover a pure comedy, I genuinely like the show a lot, even with it’s flaws i’ve gone into, and my regular reviews gave  me a running gag in my hatred of rusty and a new respect for the show. It’s just with a buiser schedule and me not actually trying to have something resembling order to things, I kept shoving Banned Together back despite really wanting to see it since.. you know.. Luna episode.. until it ended up sliding into ANOTHER set of episodes. It’s things like this why I have a queue now: while it’s not set day by day, in case I want to do more than one i na day, it is there to keeep some semblance of order and keep me on track so this dosen’t happen again.  So with all that being said.. why did I choose to do A DIFFRENT loud house episode for the second time in a row before getting back to the current season? Simple.. i’ve been putting this episode off personally for even LONGER. I meant to watch 12 louds a leapin back when it first came out at the start of season 2... and just never got around to it. And just kept never getting around to it, wanting to watch it at christmas but then forgetting to do so for the last 4 years. Spare a thought there.. 4 years. In that time 80 years have passed, an era of marvel movies have come to an end, a tick series has come and gone, She Ra has come and gone, ducktales premiered then annoucned it was ending.. my point is way too many shows are ending too soon, and i’ve let this slide for far too long. So I bumped this one up to finally take a look at it, as i’ve waited this long and didn’t want to risk missing it a fifth fucking time. So yeah i’m taking look at what’s probably a classic episode in the fandom with fresh eyes. Let’s see what I thought shall we? It’s Christmas Eve at the Loud House and Lincoln is once again Zach Morrising it up .

Not what I meant.. whatever that is. It’s been 30 years since that episode aired, probably a good 12 since I first saw it and I still have no idea why they did this or if it was giong to end in a three way before the girls showed up. We just don’t know and the greatest minds in the country are baffled.. and you know working on the vaccine and making sure it’s safe. 

No Linc is talking to the camera about it being christmas while gearing up to go sledding with his sled big red. Meanwhile the rest of the louds are doing their usual christmas activities which we get introduced to as Lincoln gets ready. The girls sub-plots here are, outside of Lori’s., less plots and more running gags, various shenanigans by the girls tying into their personalities and christmasy stuff. It works perfectly.. while it’s a bunch of gags.. the gags are funny and it’s neat to learn more about just how the girls celebrate christmas and what they get up to every year. It’s part of what’s to love about holiday specials as you get a once or twice in a series chance to see how our heroes celbrate the holiday and thus a look into stories, gags and character stuff very unique to the holiday. It also uses the fact LIncoln was the protaganist at the time very well, using him as our viewpoint to set up all the christmas goings on as he makes his way out of the house, so we can cut back to them later as his plot goes on. It’s really good stuff. So what are the girls up to? Let’s go down the list by age shall we?

Lori: Lori has the most involved plot anyway so it’s best to start here. Lori and Bobby are having their first christmas together... though it does bring up the fact that they’ve only been dating 2 years at most, yet plan to get married.. I mean that is a lot but your also 18. Then again time is nigh incomprehinsiable to unpack in the loud house, and at least 3 years passed in the one year it took to get them all aged up, so I wouldn’t think about it too hard.  Lori, still being in huge bitch mode as she was early on, pressures bobby to get a good gift. She later gets said gift but despite being told to open it immideitly, her siblings chide her on her habit of tearing presents open and thus get her not to open it. So that’s a runner through the special, with Lana even putting her on a leash at one point, which I found hilarious. Less hilaroius is the conclusion as it turns out in the box on christmas day.. is BOBBY, who understandably is not looking so good...

Thankfully bobby’s not dead or they all would be, but still the poor boy missed christmas eve with his mom  and sister for this stunt. I mean I get it’s his fault, he’s apparently LITERALLY too dumb to live it turns out and should’ve you know made a noise sooner and probably didn’t want to ruin the suprise.. but we still nearly got an episode where a 4 year old had surivviors guilt for letting her older sisters boyfriend suffocate in a box. That’s dead santa from gremlins levels of fucked up. Thankfully Lori loves it and I assume bobby’s worried family joined them for christmas eve. That image fills my heart with hope. But seriously bobby never again we can’t loose you. At least not before Sergio. 

Leni: Leni’s is very simple it’s just a running gag of her taking various christmas things, making them into outfits then saying shhhh to whoever’s around when she hears, or in later cases is right there, with the person asking. Just a funny bit.  Luna: Is working on a christmas song. It’s one of the weake runners as the failed songs just aren’t that funny, but the payoff for the main plot makes up for it. WE’ll get to that.  Luann: Has one of my faviorite bits, her 12 puns of christmas which is both really adorable and leads to an adorable moment with her dad. Always loved their relationship. 

Lynn and Lucy: Are teamed up this episode which makes me genuinely miss how the two would be used as a pair ocasionally earlier on but just .. arne’t anymore> The rest of the girls status as roomates is used liberally but not so much these two. IT’s just weird and disheartning to me. That being said their plot is simply the two digging around to find where the presents are hidden, which I never got as why would you want to know weeks ahead of time. You can’t use any money to buy the stuff you dind’t get or they’ll know and they usually figure out you knew ahead of time and it just brings thigns down. But from a kid’s perspective I guess I get it and while it’s weird to have Lucy be one of the ones following I like it, as it shows that benath her gothy demanor she’s still just an 8 year old girl excited for christmas, and that’s adorable. A decent enough runner. 

Lana: Gets  a good one: She keeps accidently catching people, and a passing car in one case though she has a jack to help, in her reindeer traps. Its not only funny but really adorable especially since she dosen’t care about trapping SANTA persay, she just wants her own pet reindeer and frankly who wouldn’t want a rideable woodland critter who can fly. Dammit now i want one too. 

Lola and Lisa: Lola gets a fairly standard one tha’ts still pretty damn funny; She wants to get offf the naughy list by playing good for a day. What makes it funny is that last part.. that instead of doing it over a few days like most of this plot she’s trying to cram it all into one day while also trying not to strangle Lisa, who keeps showing up to say santa’s route is impossiuble. As ducktales covered he slows down time.. also you know.. not every kid celebrates christmas so ther’es probably a good number of houses he dosen’t have to cover in one night.  Lily: Just randomly pops out of stockings a bit. it’s precioous as it sounds.  The Parents: It had honestly been so long both since i’d seen a season 1 episode, and since the two had been both given actual names and fleshed out considerably, that i’d forgotten Rita and Senior had their faces obscured for all of season 1. It’s REALLY weird and jarring to go back to after getting to know them as fully formed people of their own over the past 3 seasons, and especally gorowing to love Senior, as he’s a loveably goofy dad but without the incompetence of most comedy dads. He can bumble but he’s also genuinely supportive, talented and pulls his weight in his marriage and family.  We do however start to really see their fully formed , full member of the cast perosnalities here: Rita is clearly tired from the sheer amount of shit she has to juggle, but is also nice and warm and while Lynn Sr.’s goofiness was established already, here it’s tempered into his current shape and his love of cooking and through role as the family chef is established. While he was established as cook earlier he goes from someone who’d use frozen food just to get by to a master chef who probably does use a lot of frozen stuff but can make anything taste good and will eventually have his own restraunt. It’s really fascenating to see them slowly emerge. They don’t really have plots themslves, and Lynn’s only real gag is wanting everyone to try his figgy pudding. 

So with the rest of the family covered let’s get to our main plot. Lincoln is sledding.. on the slide out back.. for some reason. 

The reason is simple.. his sled ends up in the yard of Mr. Grouse, their neighbor and old man who yells at louds. Lincoln explains grouse keeps everything that ends up in his yard and has taken a lot from the Loud Kids over the years. So lincoln.. uses the slide to sled.. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIS YARD. 

I’ve been wanting to use pigtail kim since I made that one recently. But her points stands. What?!. I mean Lincoln can be stupid, he’s  only 12 it’s allowed, but usually more out of not realizing what he’s getting into or using kid logic. He’s not this brain dead. That’s Leni’s job. It just feels like plot contrivance. Just have him build some sort of contraption as a makeshift hill and tell the audience he’s doing this because his family dosen’t want him going to an actual hill on christmas or is too busy to take him. There are easier ways than this half assed rube goldberg machine of a setup. So naturally his sled ends up in the yard.. and he calls on Clyde to help....

Now if you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you know that reactoin is normally reserved exclusivley for this guy. 

But since Rusty was in his larval state with only a few apperances and hadn’t emeerged from his coocoon as the douche I know and love to take pot shots at, there was actually something WORSE. Something more obnoxious. And with far far worse implications. And that my friends was seasons 1 and 2 Clyde.  Clyde in the early seasons CAN be fine, and the self we know now. In fact I wish he interacted with the sisters more as the slumber party episode early on gave him a nice dynamic with all of them and the episode with him and leni was terrific. The problem one there was running gag with him, one character trait that utterly sucked the joy out of the room at best and made him into an unlikeable little shit at worst; HIs crush on Lori.  When she’s around at BEST he has a Master Roshi nosebleed, stammers her name and passes out, something that wasn’t funny the first time and quickly became grating the 80 other times they did it. But at worst, as he is here? He’s creepy, obessevie and worst of all. .a real dick to bobby. Who as we’ve established is...

So that was NEVER going to go over well and even ignoring that is still very bad. The little creep just constantly treats Bobby with hostility, which given this is Bobby, he dosen’t realize is going on. Any time their relationship is threantned Clyde’s main goal is to swoop in during the aftermath and win lori over. He constantly wants Bobby out of the way, The ONE TIME he dosen’t come off as a massive dick is when Lincoln thinks Bobby might be cheating, and that’s because Clyde isn’t planning on swooping into the wrecakge of someone’s relationship to get a girlfriend, but to punch the guy out for cheating on her. Bobby wasn’t and Clyde obviously isn’t capable of that, but it’s a bit more understandable and even CLYDE wants to make sure there’s evidence first. But more often than not he’s just under the assumptino Lori will be his despite the massive age gap, her having made it obvious she’s not intrested, and her being in  longterm relationship she’s really happy in with someone else. And this was season 1 lori who reacted to this, so the fact she’s not being the queen of all bitches about it only makes him look that much worse. And to add to that, Bobby not only KNOWS he has as crush on Lori but is suppportive of clyde, cheering him on when she kisses him once for doing something noble, and generally treating “Clydsdale” like he would any of Lori’s blood siblings. It was excurating then to sit through this every few episodes.. and it’s even worse now because the gag’s complete dissaperance from Season 3 onwards really paints the picture that this gag was entirely because series creator Chris Savino thought this was FUNNY and no one else did. And given he got fired for, you know, HARASSING WOMEN  AND NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER  you kinda see how an already bad bit was made worse. So yeah while the sled thing is bad this.. is objectively worse and drags the special down more. It’s thakfully not omniprescent but man is it hard to watch.  Clyde being in full dickhead mode is trying to get a kiss from lori and is using a missletoe hat for it.. And can we just agree that while Missletoe can be used well in stories, to help two shy people finally kiss or to ramp up romantic tension or what have you, that it’s often used by creepy douchebags to get kisses they don’t deserve both here and presumibly in irl before the plauge hit? We can? Good. But yeah that’s his plot, no suprise he gets one, bah hum bug. He also throws in some Bobby bashing by fantasising about him ending up in the yard and clyde ending up with lori since Grouse keeps bobby.. even though instead Lori would just ignore clyde, storm over there and rip an old man’s spine out mortal kombat style. 

So yeah Lincoln wants his sled back, but he can’t do it alone as the old man scares him, hence Clyde coming in. They make an elaborate plan using some careful blueprints. 

Their real plan is to have Clyde disract grouse while Lincoln grabs the sled but it fails and mean mr mustard finds it and takes it inside. Desperate, Lincoln prepares to do some crimes and head into his house. Clyde is afraid he’l end up in jail and never get to visit because only family can. Clyde you are family. Plus Prison visits aren’t limited to relatives only, any show with a character in jail storyline will tell you that. But Lincoln makes a valid point that Grouse stole his property.. I still dont’ think this is the right way to handle it and his parents should just go over and ask the loud, irate asshole to give the kids stuff back he stole to be a dick, but this is a kids show and again we wouldn’t have a plot but unlike last time my head dosen’t hurt from this. He’s desperate, he knows that probably wouldn’t work and again he’s 12. 12 year old logic is fine.  Naturally he ends up getting caught as Grouse didn’t leave for long, though having found a photo of Grouse with a sled as a kid, understandably fires back on him that he wasn’t always like this. Why he like this. He also has the much farier point that again, it’s his property and “My yard my rules” is about as much a legal rule as a note saying “I can do what I want, ron”. But Grouse understandably, hey he’s a dick but the boyd id be and e, makes him clean up and after Grouse fails to get the loud parents Lincoln, via a comination of a charming family photo and Grouse talking to his sister on the phone, finds out the real reason he acts like this: He misses his family and being on a fixed income can’t visit them often as he tells his sister he won’t be home for christmas to see his sprawling family. 

And while it doesen’t excuse his actions.. it does explain why Grouse is so bitter: you would be too if you had a massive family who clealry loved you and your on good terms with.. but through no fault of your own and presumibly despite working hard toa fford retirment you just.. can’t see them. Their there and you have the phone, but you don’t know how to work the internet and it’s just.. not the same as seeing them. Your just seperated from them and can’t be near them or hear their voices or get hugs. Which.. given the current pandemic i’m sure MANY of you can relate to that.. to being seperated from your loved ones and trapped, and especailly many people mr grouses age are facing that. While this special is good even without the context of seeing it this year it especailly resonates and i’m glad I waited this long simply beaause it came at just the right time. Grouse tells him to leave not planning on calling his parents.

So in christmas special fashion, Lincoln is touched byt his story, and feels bad for the old curmudgeon. Sure they don’t get along and the bastard broke his sled.. but again you’d be bitter too in his shoes. The guy has nothing and is alone.. and Grouse has done nothing to deserve that, even with his actions resulting from it. No one should be alone on christmas.  So Lincoln tells his sisters, all of whom rally around him, including Luna whose writer’s block is broken as she finally realizes... 

And not singing about that was holding her back. Luna has her song and Lincoln, as expected has a plan.  And we soon see that plan as Grouse gets a knock on the door.. and finds the Louds, parents included, and The McBrides all there singing him a christmas song. It’s pretty decent and the first time we really get to see Nikka Futterman sing and i’ts beautiful> Ther’ed be better, and worse luna songs to come but this is still pretty neat and sweet. THey came to offer him deocrations, dinner, company.. and a one way bus ticket to his family... presumibly the family will pay the other way or he can easier the day after christmas. Point is he’s touched, and genuinely and sincerly thanks them and invites them in, with Grouse’s actor John DiMaggio REALLY selling it hard. 

So our heroes gather for Christmas Eve all together, and under Grouse’s roof with Grouse giving the kids their stuff back having had a change of heart. Sure he misses his family.. but the Louds and Mc Brides have shown him he dosen’t have to shut everyone out as a result. And while Grouse apologizes tht his sled is gone.. Lincoln’s fine with it he got something better.  So the next morning we end on the kids opening presents, and Lori saving her boyfriend from axphisxiation, seriously between this and strife of the party i’m really starting to sour on lana. Regarldess Lucy finally belivies in santa both due to gifts nd seeing him last night, while Lincoln finds a sled from santa.. and then goes outside to see Mr Grouse off, recognizing he’s the one who played santa in  a really sweet and senitmental bit. The two part on good terms even if Lincoln breaks another window. Things have changed if not that much.  Final THoughts:  If it wasn’t obvious, I REALLY loved this one. While it has it’s flaws, and Chris Savino sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms obviously.. it’s still a really sweet, well constructed special and I really recommend checking it out. It’s on the nick app if you have cable and on CBS All Acess if you have that. Until next time merry christmas to all and to all a good day. 

And if ther’es an episode of the loud house you’d like me to review leave it in the comments or you can comission a review of it for five dollars. Just direct message me to work out the details or send an ask for my discord. 

[knightotoc]

Higher Ground Blogging Finale

- a.k.a. my journey from doubter to casual to fangirl is complete. Rise, Darth Cliffhanger!

HGB 1 (eps 1-3), 2 (4), 3 (5-7), 4 (8-9), 5 (10), 6 (11-13), 7 (14-16), bonus content: sleepy hayden, 8 (17-18), 9 (19-20)

Last time on HGB: Kat, as she tells us in every scene she is in, is about to graduate. But hers is not the only journey coming to an end -- the show only lasted one glorious season. With two episodes left and Scott’s plotline still unresolved, will we end up with the Guacamole of Lessons Learned, or will they have to scrape us out of the gutter in Seattle?

ep 21: shelby: i’m done with wanting things i know i can’t have. scott: you can have me! i want you! shelby: you don’t want all of me. you just want the good parts! - these two are never less than an 11

me and the girls watch the ex-boyfriend hammer a fence stake

shelby: so why’s peter been acting so weird, anyway? sophie: he’s not acting weird. he’s acting human. it’s just that none of us are used to it. - peter-bi-wan is God confirmed! again!

the only shot you need to know about from this show - “i’m tired of fighting. from now on, i’m whatever anyone wants me to be” -- anakin after TPM

shelby protecting her little sister!!! - shelby “you look terrible”’d her😭 legolasby. shlegolas - scott’s dad: “I almost destroyed my son” ooof vader mood af

light side AU, throw away Battle of Heroes, we don’t need it

getting wi-fi off that handsome forehead

ep 22, final ep: - shelby worrying scott’s dad is going to take him away from the school (shelby and scott are back together if you can believe it) so scott’s like, “he’s not, don’t worry, i’m still way too dysfunctional, come on”

come for the hayden, stay for the shelby - oh my god his dad wants to take him away so he can play FOOTBALL and get a football scholarship REALLY!!! football <<<<<<<<<×∞ shelby!!!! - WAIT SCOTT WANTS TO LEAVE???? WHAAATT??? BUT HE’S NOT READY - omg daisy is trying to set shelby up with juliette? this last ep is so confusing - shelby: “there are no happy endings, okay? just endings, and this is one of them” oh fuck - okay someone said sorry with the accent, one good thing is happening

scott: it doesn’t have to be that bad. *synth music, kissing, crying, despair* shelby: it is...that bad. but that’s the way it is.

LOVE IS DEAD!!!!!!! - why does he have to be such a football boy why WHY - instead of going to the dark side he just goes to the football side. THAT’S EVEN WORSE! - i feel so bad to anyone who watches this show and isn’t 200% invested in this relationship bc all other plotlines have VANISHED (except whatever the fuck the grownups are doing) - *miserably* now this is podracing - OH WOW OH NO OH NO SCOTT OH NO!!!!! PULL BATTLE OF HEROES OUT OF THE TRASH AND PUT IT RIGHT BACK ON BECAUSE HIS DAD’S ACTUALLY A PIECE OF SHIT OH NO OH NO - hold up for the last-minute shelby rescues ezra twist with bonus kiss!

shelby: life sucks, doesn’t it? ezra: only during the waking hours

- well guess who came CRAWLING BACK

shelby: why did you come back? scott: because............i love you.

- yes and bc your dad’s a terrible person who can’t take care of you so you need to stay under the wise tutelage of peter-bi-wan until you’re a legal adult - this last episode is so baffling, step aside rise of skywalker we have a new king of bad endings in town (new as in it turned 20 back in january) - i see what they were trying to do but omg this tried my patience - i think they were trying to say “follow your heart and be true to yourself” but they ended up saying “scott and shelby cannot stay in a stable relationship for even 1 episode in a row” - i think the main problem was pacing, bc they wanted to have lots of tearful makeout sessions and give shelby a bunch of heart-shattering dialogue (and do some bullshit with the counselors), then at the last 2 minutes they’re like “well actually scott isn’t leaving” - and the other problem was scott and daisy were written way out of character. really really weird! they were the same writers as before! weird as fuck

🌲⛰️🌲🏕️🌲

anyway. stan shelby. shelby, scott, and daisy are ot3. piano brings lovers together and football tears them apart. Where’s Ezra? check Canada. anakin is blond. if anakin does have a dad, i bet he is BULLSHIT too. i wanna go to the woooooooods! you can do a show where everyone is wearing helmets and windbreakers and it can still be sexy. higher ground is a triumph, and in a just world it would have a better soundtrack and no counselor-based storylines.

alas...it is not a just world.

[tillidontneedfantasy]

‘WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?’ - Billie Eilish REVIEW: Making ‘Em Bow One By One

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?

An interesting question you pose there, Billie. When I fall asleep, I usually dream about being a part of the Harry Potter universe and trying to defeat Voldemort with the golden trio. But unfortunately, I don’t go there every night. I mean, believe me, fighting off The Dark Lord can be scary sometimes. But sometimes I go to even darker places, and it always takes a few moments when waking up to believe I’m really in my bed. Much of Billie Eilish’s debut album invites you into the dark parts of her subconscious, and sometimes her extreme consciousness, to which she goes. Of course, “asleep” could also be interpreted as, well, dead. Which is a nice way to phrase it. Ideal, really. How wonderful would it be if death was just an eternal nap? No one would ever be afraid to die.

Maybe that’s what Billie believes it is, and why she seems so desperate to go there on WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? (WWAFA,WDWG?) For a then-16-year-old girl, I wish she wasn’t so tired. “ilomilo,” “bury a friend” and most concerning, “listen before I go,” explore her friends who have been taken from her, and her desire to join them. I’m glad she hasn’t.

So is she. In a now traditional Vanity Fair video, Billie answers the same interview questions three years in a row, exactly a year apart. Expect The Fourth Year one October 18th, 2020. It is one of the most fascinating videos I have ever watched. Though the same at the core, there is a different version of Billie in each year. Which is to be expected, as she is a teenager in the limelight. But the video of year 2, which was around 5 months prior to WWAFA,WDWG?’s release, Billie openly admits to being in a very dark place, discussing how her friend had died. Her posture and affect are noticeably different in years 1 and 3. In the third and latest installment, Billie is an upgraded, happier and more comfortable version of the previous two. You can hear the change in her voice, see it in her face. In response to the question, “What’s most important to you right now?” her answer is, “Maintaining my happiness, which I have been experiencing for the first time in many years….I wanna stay happy. That’s a big goal for me.”

Billie Eilish is one of the biggest breakout stars of the past few years. Her following is enormous, and though fans vary in age, many of them fall in her cohort. Generation Z is special in many ways: morbidly funny, proudly outspoken, self-aware, and unafraid to be different. Billie Eilish is all of these things incarnate, the perfect spearhead for this generation and what they represent. She dresses how she wants to dress and makes the kind of music that she wants to make, refusing to follow the molded expectations of young up and coming female stars before her. In that music, she also does what very few artists, young or old, have ever done: candidly explores mental illness and suicidal ideation.

These issues have become more and more prevalent in today’s society, yet they are still extremely stigmatized. Like many teenagers, I experienced the sadness and darkness Billie is singing about. I’m almost 25 now, but I can imagine how 15-year-old Cass would feel hearing this album and seeing Billie as she is in the third year of that Vanity Fair interview. Understood. Not alone. And hopeful, hopeful that things get better. At that age you feel like everything is the end of the world, because it is developmentally and socially some of the most difficult years in the human experience. And to hear someone you look up to say, “I feel this way, too,” and then see them continue fighting, and happy that they did...that can change someone’s life.

Thankfully, Billie still injects some levity into the album. The musical hook in “bad guy” feels like a defining moment for Gen Z the way the musical hook in “Toxic” was for us Millennials. “all the good girls go to hell” unflinchingly decrees that God Is A Woman™, and “my strange addiction” has cuts from The Office, Eilish’s favorite show, interspersed throughout the song. Gen Z is taking over, and Billie’s one hell of a ringleader.

STRONGEST TRACK(S): “i love you,” “xanny”

The phrase “I love you” has never felt so intimate as it does coming from Billie’s mouth in the penultimate track on WWAFA,WDWG? Sandwiched between two tracks where all together they form a sentence (listen before I go, I love you, goodbye) "i love you" is the most mesmerizing and most vulnerable, not just of the three but of the whole album. As a listener, you are dying to know what's hidden between the lines. Why doesn't she want to love this person even though she clearly does? What did she do to make him cry? Why are you, the listener, crying right now? With the smallest breath, the quietest whisper, the emotion Eilish emits is enormous. Every once in a while you hear a song that you feel will never leave you, and “i love you” has all the makings to be everlasting.

As does the message in “xanny,” a dynamic song that mostly sounds like an old-time jazz track, although infuses a blaring noise over the chorus, as if you are standing right next to the booming stereo at the party setting in which she speaks. The layering of hums in the background and at the end of the song provides a necessary subtle softness, making it all the more beautiful. The track is a statement from Eilish that she has no interest in the lifestyle that so many kids her age- famous or not- lead, partly because she does not understand the appeal of its effects, and partly because she does not want to invest herself in someone willingly bringing harm upon themself, as she previously has. “I can’t afford to love someone who isn’t dying by mistake,” she asserts. Of course, most things in moderation are good and fine, but there is an ever-persistent pressure for young people to use substances, for easier social interactions or easier claim to desirable social status. There is a plethora of music out there promoting the party lifestyle, but very few saying, “hey, it’s okay if you’re not about this, you’re still cool,” and so a celebrity as big as Billie abstaining from it, and providing a reasonable explanation, gives a figure of understanding and solidarity to all the outliers.

WEAKEST TRACK: “8”

Not a bad song by any means, “8” is just the least memorable on an album filled with extremely intriguing and standout tracks. There is an interesting choice of vocal styles that alternate throughout, one of which it sounds as if Eilish is emulating the voice of a little girl. She is asking the subject to just give her some common courtesy and hear her out. "Who am I to be in love / when your love never is for me?" she asks, in the most compelling moment of the song. It is a difficult line to walk, knowing someone doesn't owe you anything but wanting them to anyway. Although the song is effective, its replay value doesn't quite match with the other contenders.

THE IN-BETWEENS

Although Eilish is authentic in her own right, you can see the draw of inspiration from unique artists before her. Lorde's imprint is all over "you should see me in a crown," a catchy song about ruling the world and making everyone bow down to her with the sound of a knife sharpening at the top, and “listen before i go” is reminiscent of Lana Del Rey’s morose romances. “when the party’s over,” written solely by Billie’s brother, collaborator, and best friend, Finneas O’Connell, is a beautifully quiet moment in the middle of the album, with absolutely gorgeous high notes from Billie. The song is succinct and poignant, noting the inner conflict between wanting a friend to be more than just that and yet feeling the need to keep up boundaries to protect your heart; but when has that done anyone any good?

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “my strange addiction”

In the age of Netflix, The Office continues to grow in popularity with younger viewers who missed it on air. Who better to bolster the movement than Verified The Office super fan, Billie Eilish? In “my strange addiction,” Eilish and O’Connell draw inspiration from the classic episode, “Threat Level Midnight,” where Michael Scott (Steve Carrell) has finally finished his movie and is ready to premiere it to the office. In his movie, Scott’s character, Michael Scarn, teaches the entire bar how to do his signature dance, “The Scarn.” “No, Billie, I haven’t done that dance since my wife died!” the song begins, which is a real line from the episode. “my strange addiction” borrows from the track for “The Scarn,” which is simply genius. Everyone is doing “The Scarn,” fictional or nonfictional, even NFL player Trey Quinn, who did the famed routine for his touchdown dance. Not only will “my strange addiction” convert The Office fans to Billie Eilish fans, but just imagine the amount of TikToks there could be of people doing “The Scarn” to this song…think about the meme potential, Billie! *Ed Helms voice* There’s a whole crowd of people out there who need to learn how to do the “my strange addiction.”

                                                                   *****

Billie Eilish, and her debut album, WWAFA,WDWG? is impressive in a multitude of ways: she is raw, candid, silly, wildly intelligent, and most importantly, full of a lot of love, no matter how much she claims she does not want to be. Perhaps most impressive is that the only writers and producers credited on this album are Eilish and O’Connell, ages 18 and 22, respectively, at the time of this review, yet 17 and 21 at the time of its release, which means they were 16 and 20 at the time of writing and production. For two young people to create such an impactful album on such a massive scale on their own is a rarity, and has not been seen since the beginning of Taylor Swift’s career, and look at where she is now. Billie’s music might be different, but her trajectory seems quite similar. At Billboard’s Women in Music ceremony in December of 2019, Swift was honored with Woman of the Decade while Eilish was honored with Woman of the Year. Both artists paid homage to the other in their speeches, harkening back to Swift’s 2014 Woman of the Year speech where she alludes to a future Woman of the Year recipient learning piano and singing in choir; Swift had said back then that we need to take care of her, and Eilish tearfully thanked the room for doing just that. As Swift continues to fight against the system to pave the way for female artists, the clearing is all Billie’s. If Billie continues to maintain ownership of her voice, as I’m sure she will, it looks like the woman of the next decade is a lock. The crown looks great on Billie, and I cannot wait to see where she takes us while we’re all awake. Grade: 4.5/5

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: The first time I listened to WWAFA,WDWG? the only tracks that really captured my attention were “bad guy” and “my strange addiction.” I wanted to like it so bad, but I felt like I was missing something. Maybe that’s because I listened to the album at work and did not take it in properly. But I also felt like she was whispering too much, which made it difficult for me to stay interested. So I did not revisit it. However, over this past year, despite not listening to her music, I started to form a big-sister-type love for Billie, feeling as if I must protect her at all costs (any man over the age of like, 20, reading this: stay the fuck away from her you sickos!!!). I loved how she embraced her individuality and did whatever she wanted. I watched many interviews of her on YouTube (one being the Vanity Fair one, where she talks about how the criticism that she whispers a lot is hurtful yet true- Billie, I’m sorry!!) and found her to be so intelligent. To me, her and Taylor Swift (my number one love) are two sides of the same coin, or two paths to the same destination. What I mean by that is that as a lover of music and as a girl going through a difficult time, sometimes you need positivity to counteract the negative feelings, other times you need to lean into the sadness to release it all; though they both possess a bit of both, Taylor is more of the positive route, Billie more of the sad route. The thing is, you need both options. Billie reminds me of Taylor so much; she writes all of her own music (with her brother as her only co-writer), she has blown up at such a young and vulnerable age (if WWAFA,WDWG? wins AOTY at the Grammys, Billie will be the youngest ever recipient since Taylor won for Fearless at the age of 20), and she is committed to saying and doing what she wants to do the way she wants to do it. After listening to the album a few more times leading up to the Grammys to write this review, I get it. I truly get it. I’m sorry it took so long. And although her super soft vocals are definitely effective, I still want her to project more. The girl has a gorgeous voice; she should use it! But also she doesn’t need my advice, she’s doing fine. Keep whispering, baby girl. I feel very nervous for Billie, because when a woman reaches the top this quickly, everyone gets ready to push her off just as fast, and the fall can be fatal. But I believe in her ability to stand her ground. Please protect Billie at all costs!!!!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 14 Pt1: Rex and Weevils Ultimate Betrayal No One Gave a Damn About

Just finished watching the Superbowl, which I never ever do, and it was VERY confusing and I thought I remembered this sport but I did not. I don’t know what’s happening. I do not understand how Kansas City got that field goal on San Fransisco when their feet never touched the goal line. So, I’m just gonna...change gears completely and wrap up this long post about a VERY complicated anime that came out before some of y’all were born, instead. Today I just really wanted to feel lost.

Last episode, Yugi (the main character of the show, the one this show is named after) hella died, and Rex and Weevil decided to leave the party very, very quickly.

You’d think that the one event (Yugi’s dead) would have to do with the other event (getting the hellllll away), considering how rude and judgy Yami is, but they actually left for cards. They accidentally did a very wise decision in order to do something incredibly stupid and cancel out any wisdom they showed in pedaling as fast as they could possibly pedal away from the reincarnated ghost who just very suddenly achieved full control of a human body.

They accidentally pedaled away from every Mummy movie super villain and somehow ended up with a much more worse villain.

Like I say that this whole season is about Yugi’s crazy commute, but Rex and Weevil’s commute has just been so much more. They are just clinging to whatever vehicle is near them in order to find these legendary cards sitting somewhere in American Soil. They are so ambivalent to all the very real world terrible problems around them because they’re PRETTY SURE they’re gonna get rich. It’s like the Gold Rush but with helicopters.

Also the 49ers never rode tandem bikes, but you know they would’ve if they could’ve.

And for some, weird reason, Rafeal decides not to pick them up under his arms and toss them directly onto an unsuspecting Joey Wheeler like he just did with Yugi. Rafael and Alister decided...nah...I’ll keep these strange small manchildren.

It seems really off brand for Rafael and Alister but maybe they just got too tired to deal with it right now.

Speaking of tired--this horse.

I mean I’ll do the math eventually--not this post but maybe the next one I just did a lot of math trying to remember why the hell it’s 6 points for a goal in football--but this horse that we estimated would take over 20 days to ride to Death Valley just rode all the way back in the same day. Congratulations horse, the strongest force in all of Yugioh, (second to Yugi’s neck, holding that 70 lb necklace at all hours of the day.)

The girls seem to think that everything is OK initially, mostly because Yugi doesn’t really lose games that often, since the list of ways to beat Yugi in a card game up until now didn’t include “trick Yami into murdering the hell out of Yugi Muto.” Crazy that that actually worked, but Yami isn’t that bright.

PS please admire how chubby this horse appears in this scene.

OK I’m glad we all acknowledged the elephant in the room that was a horse last shot.

Also...maybe he didn’t hug her back because she just shoved a very sharp pyramid necklace straight into his small intestines?

(more under the cut)

I’ll spare you Transatlantacism this time.

Tea is concerned but more surprised than straight up angry. An anger which is more honed by Rebecca because Yami just killed her only friend (other than this horse) and possibly her only future husband that would ever put up with her (other than this horse.)

Like it seems kind of rude in the show out of context that everyone took a moment to lay a big dump on Yami Muto, but can you imagine if you straight up killed your twin (by accident but only by like 75% accident, lets be real) and this was your only punishment?

Like getting punched out is just how Yami treats himself every single day, so I don’t think Joey made too much of a difference in the situation. But you know, it’s Yugioh, so getting punched does is somehow the correct answer.

It was very lucky for Yami that Tea was too busy trying to console Rebecca to punch Yami before Joey got to him first because hot damn that would have sent him straight back to Death Valley.

And then I think this next exchange between Duke and Tristan was somewhat lost in translation. Please admire the censorship here. Safe for kids now.

I say this like a joke but have you seen Equinox? I live in the Bay, so trust me. Equinox is absolutely reviving the Great Leviathan. No doubt in my mind.

Anyway, Rafael and Alister hear Rex and Weevil’s plea to join the evil task force and they’re like...

...yeah, I guess you can apply, why not? No need to interview your or anything before we harass Darts with you.

Like Rafael and Alister were completely bonkers children that were driven to insanity by very extreme circumstances, and then there’s Rex and Weevil. They’re just...kind of middling at cards and that’s it.

But sure, yeah, I’m sure they’ll fit right into the completely maniacal card corporate atmosphere here at DartsCorp. I’m sure Rex and Weevil will jump out of a plane on a motorcycle and then do stunts all the way towards Atlantis Island.

Sure.

(course, now that I think of it, they did introduce themselves to Alister and Rafael by accidentally doing a stunt over a canyon onto a helicopter so...maybe they accidentally think Rex and Weevil are cool?)

Which, in hindsight, makes Mai make a hell of a lot more sense because y’all, they should be SO distracted right now, and shouldn’t let anyone in here who isn’t insane or insanely good at cards. But instead they’re like...I guess you have a duel disk, you’ll work. It’s not like there’s a line of people at the door.

Anyway, because the show has to acknowledge that there might be new viewers, they do their best to try and explain this very lengthy Yugi mechanic as if we’ve never heard it before and honestly, it just sounded like everyone was very frustrated.

Like for reals what is he wearing?

Why are there so few normal ass suits in Yugioh? Why is KAIBA the only person who knows what colors belong on a fitted suit? (And he just wears white, which isn’t a color and is always very safe but youknow it still boggles my mind that the power suit people are so into very friendly soft pastels from Gozaburo, to Pegasus, to Noah, to Darts.)

I would wear this suit to Easter Sunday. Darts just wears it every day.

And so then we get a little insight into what it takes to become an Orichalcos card champion.

While before, Darts just kinda poked Mai in the forehead and she was instantly imbued with Aqua Green Evilness, he decided to do a weird test on Rex and Weevil. Just to make sure they realllllly wanted to be here.

As if they didn’t stow away in a 18 hour flight stuffed into a handbag, hold in their piss for said 18 hours, then get shipped by accident to the Tenderloin, where they were mugged twice, and then get shoved into the trunk of Duke’s car, and then took a broken tandem bike to the hottest desert in America, where they then rode said bike off of a cliff in order to hang onto a flying helicopter.

Like I think this test was unnecessary, I think they want to be here.

But youknow, I think Darts just wanted to torture em for kicks.

And then Rex and Weevil have to grab two of these Oricalchos stones that were farting special effects and were very, very opposed to being owned by Rex and Weevil. But they managed to do it.

And uh congrats--their betrayal has begun!

And I don’t think anyone else on this show even recognized that they freakin left. Like they just kinda disappeared in Death Valley and then Duke was like “eh. They’ll find their way home.”

Kind of incredible that Joey and friends left these two stranded in Death Valley, That alone should have killed Rex and Weevil and like...Wow. Wow is Joey and co such a freakin asshole.

So don’t leave people stranded in Death Valley, they will join a card cult and freakin kill you. If the insane heat doesn’t kill them first.

And then because...I don’t know...I don’t know why, after sending his best and brightest fighters, Darts decided to downgrade and do this:

(based on a true story where a friend of mine worked as an intern in the city, and because they couldn’t pay him a living wage, he lived in a closet at said startup for nearly 2 years. Start-up culture is pretty real, folks, it’s PRETTY REAL. But, on the bright side, at least they had a shower in-house.)

So, I’m gonna go remove my contacts and try to forget how much queso I ate at that Superbowl party.

It was a lot of queso.

and if you just got here, this is a handy link to read these from the start.

PS anyone else pull the Yugioh fest in PAD? Because I have played this game...a lot over the course of 5 years and saved up over 300 free stones for several months in anticipation for this collab and then I pulled Kuriboh about 15 times. Most of you have no idea what that means, but for some of you out there, your heart just broke for me 15 times. (I did get 2 Yugis so I’m fine, but damn it) Then, bro saved up his stones and pulled Seto Kaiba, Marik, and Bakura all in a row. Freakin gotcha games, man. Freakin gotcha games.

[richtea-biscuit]

Thank you @a-fritterer for tagging me. Prepare for a lot of answers in the negative

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

It was my mum so I’m confident that she did

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

No, 18 is slightly on the young side. Plus, I had to deal with many of them at uni last year and it made me realise what a difference 3 years can make

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Probably never, if I’m going to have mixed feelings about something, it’s not going to be that mix

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I do if I accidentally make eye-contact just to be polite

5. Is there someone who’s mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I’m not dating anyone so no

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Yes, a song my grandad loved came on shuffle

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

Gryffindor pyjamas

8. How often do you listen to music?

All day, every day

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?

Wow, you can really tell the age of this game. In hindsight, I would say my life has changed, I feel like I know myself much better which has made me a lot happier. Even when life isn’t going great, at least I know who I am and no longer feel lost in my own body and mind

11. Are you a social or antisocial person?

I’m pretty social when I’m with people I know and like

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter “A”?

Yes, it’s not a pleasant memory though

13. What about “R”?

No

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Technically yes but not legally

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Yes, I’m pretty paranoid about that. It’s turned me into a chronic people pleaser

16. Are you going out of town soon?

No

17. When was the last time you cried?

Whenever I watched series 2 of Derry Girls. The last episode made me cry, no shame

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Platonically, lots. I tell my friends and family I love them all the time. Romantically, that person whose name begins with A and there are regrets

19. If you could change your eye colour, would you?

No, my eyes are the only thing I’m happy with

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Jeon Jungkook lol

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having

I feel like it’s been a day of Procrastination because I’m so tired-out from my mum’s birthday party yesterday

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

I like the thought of it. And I love it in fanfic, it makes me soft

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

No

24. What are you sitting on right now?

My bed

25. Does anyone regularly tell you they love you (other than family)?

@penicillinjimin tells me at least semi-regularly

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

No

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My nan

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Yes, RIP me every winter

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

I want to say Primark but I don’t know

30. Does anyone hate you?

Probably

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I can drink legally, I do34n’t need to be hiding it

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

I can take it or leave it

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Honestly, the thought gives me the ick

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

If I had to, the year of the “A” but I don’t really want to. I think I wouldn’t be the person I am now if I deleted it, and for the worse because that was the start of a very long journey of realising I was asexual. I think that about all my experiences, good and bad, they shaped the person I am today

35. Did you have a dream last night?

No

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

My mum yesterday

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

And not push away and guy that pays attention to me out of fear? lol

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Not anymore they don’t, I made sure of that

39. Do you think someone is thinking of you right now?

The person reading this? Am I funny yet?

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Yes

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

No

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

No

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

No

44. What’s the best part about school?

I loved learning but I didn’t like the other children

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Other than my profile picture, they’re all about 5 years old because I hide from cameras

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Do people actually do that?

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

I try to surpress it

48. Were you single over the last summer?

I’m the hopeless romantic that’s forever alone

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Not really

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Whatever I feel like

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

No, I don’t waste my time like that. I waste it in infinite other ways instead

52. Are you nice to everyone?

Even when I don’t want to be. I just can’t be rude

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Friend-wise, yes

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Definitely yes. Even if I weren’t asexual, it would be yes. I absolutely despise cheating. My friend cheated on her boyfriend once and we had a massive row about it because she didn’t like that I wasn’t on her side

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yes, I cover them up with other feelings. It’s my special skill

56. Do you think you like someone?

It’s very hard for me to tell. It requires a 10-page thesis for me to work these things out. Not that it really matters because like I said, I get scared and turn into a bitch to push people away

57. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with a “J”?

Yes - spin the bottle. I got dragged into it

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Boys. I think that’s more because it’s what I’m used to from when I was at school

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Yes

60. Do you hate anyone?

No, I get fairly apathetic

61. How’s your heart?

I’ll ask it. “Hey heart, how you doing?” It says da-dum

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Yes

63. Have you ever cried over a guy

Yes, I was an idiot.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Nobody I can think of

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

No

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

I hope not

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry, correct?

I feel like “love” is the wrong word. Boys should be encouraged to show their emotions though, crying is good for you

68. Have your trousers even fallen down in public?

No

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My mum when we were in proper lockdown

70. How do you look right now?

A face only a mother could love. It’s bedtime so there’s no make-up and my hair’s a mess

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

No

72. Can you commit to one person?

Yes

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

No

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

Yes

75. Did you wake up cranky?

No

76. Are you a jealous person?

Yes, I try to keep a check on it though

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

I like tot think that they are, but maybe fiction has given me an idealistic view point

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

No

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

My friends

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Brush my teeth

81. Last person you cried in front of?

I actually don’t remember

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

Many

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

Yes, Jungkook is my man and he is protective of all ARMY (I’m joking, don’t worry I’m not crazy. Just spicing my answers up)

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

85. Are you over your past?

Is anyone ever? Like I said before, I think it’s all important to who I am now so I keep key elements of it fresh in my mind as reminders to not make the same mistakes and let myself get hurt like that again

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Yes

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

No

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

I don’t know about “true love” but if the person I thought I loved came to my door, I would tell them to fuck off

89. The last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM, do you let them in?

It’d probably be an emergency and we’re not on bad terms as such so yeah

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

No, they hating came later

91. Will you be in a relationship in two months?

I highly doubt it

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

My mum’s friend

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

No

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

I was emotionally invested in my relationship with the Jungkook photocard I had on the wall next to my bed. It was at head height when I sat down so when I was going through tough times, I would talk to it so I didn’t feel so lonely. It was an amazing listener lol. And it’s answer was always “love yourself” and I’d say “You’re right as always. Thanks Kookie” (I swear I’m not crazy)

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in march?

Same as January

96. Is the last person you texted attractive?

Objectively speaking I think @penicillinjimin is very pretty. I don’t find her attractive but that’s nothing personal

97. Who do you have texts from?

Domino’s (with discount codes, it’s true love)

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Ok?

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

No

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

It’s just me

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

No, fireworks are there to be seen guys

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

Yes

Tagging whoever wants to do it

[soysaucevictim]

Last week of current stuff...

-

July 25

I woke up around noon, today.

After a bit of time browsing stuff, I worked on today’s Hello Fresh meal. Italian Sunday supper (I know it wasn’t Sunday, but whatever.) This was one of the more expensive Taste Tours kits - and I legitimately enjoyed it a lot! (Despite my appetite.)

First, today’s DD. 80 side leg raises with EC (40/40). Pretty breezy work.

Second, Day 25 of the 1′CC. 1′ lunge step-ups. One go, 30 reps. ROM demanded still limits just how fast I can execute this. Not a huge fave, but very doable.

Last, Day 24 of the XTP. Leg / tendon strength / active rest day. 3x100 side leg raises, 30″ rest. Breezy, and amused that it lined up with the DD, like that. :,D

Spent time on the usual... before deciding to start a draw stream at like 2AM. Finished another art project - despite it not being a fantastic decision to work this late. :,D

Technically only got to bed a bit after dawn. Woops.

-

July 26

I woke up about noonish- wanting to sleep a bit more. But heat + a brief power outage kinda pressed me to stay awake.

When power came back on and some browsing, I went for today’s exercise early. Despite being p damn tired. :P

First, today’s DD. 50 shoulder taps with EC. Fairly breezy work.

Second, Day 26 of the 1′CC. 1′ single leg hops with EC. One go, 30″/30″ and 124 reps. I’m pleased I could manage 2/sec. It was a bit of a challenge to maintain that, too!

Last, Day 25 of the XTP. Arm work. This sequence is a bit less capable of completely noodle-fying my arms (compared to presses, rows, and lateral raises). Very manageable. Numbers:

Alt. bicep curls: 54-48-40-34-30

Tricep extensions: 16-14-12-12-10

Watched The Mask with a friend, chatted a good deal of rest of night chatting and just browsing stuff.

I got to bed in the green zone. Think a bit of sleep debt caught up with me. but I’m okay with that. :P

-

July 27

I woke up before 11AM.

One of the first things I did today was my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 crunch kicks with EC. A fun one, a bit uncomfortable at seat though.

Second, Day 27 of the 1′CC. 1′ climber taps. One go, 70 reps. Abs still definitely felt it.

Last, Day 26 of the XTP. Leg day. Got a bit miffed about a phone call interrupting the workout, had to redo a set of lunges*. Anyways, numbers:

Squat into shoulder presses: 16-14-14-12-12

Forward lunges: 50-42-38*-30-28

I then went out for a psych appointment, went alright.

Spent rest of day chatting and reading a couple things (JD@tE & a friend’s work.) Got to bed in the yellow zone, combo of tired and needing to get up early tomorrow was good enough motivation.

-

July 28

I woke up around 8AM, today.

Went to a dental appointment this morning, went alright.

Spent a few hours gaming and watching YouTube before picking up Subway with bro and getting down to my exercises.

First, today’s DD. 40 squat hold side bends with EC. Just about manageable.

Second, Day 28 of the 1′CC. 1′ jumping lunges. Barely in one go, managed 52 reps. Oh man, I do not like jumping lunges. orz

Last, Day 27 of the XTP. Arm stuff. Whopping 4/5 exercises done to fatigue/failure. Numbers:

Alt bicep curls: 60-54-46-40-34

Upright rows: 18-14-10-10-8

Bent over rows: 20-16-14-12-12

Bent over flies (knocked weight down to 1x5 lbs per arm): 10-8-8-6-6

Spent much of day chatting and reading something a friend wrote.

Got to bed too late again... but not obscene by my standards.

-

July 29

I woke up around 10AM.

First thing I did was making some more trip reservations and a bit of my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 2′ side leg raise hold with EC (1′/1′, from floor.) Pretty breezy work. Trying to make the side switch swiftly/smoothly was  probably the only challenging part for me.

(After going to my first Seeking Safety Group since forever, which was nice...)

Second, Day 29 of the 1′CC. 1′ jump squats. One go, 44 reps. I got pretty bushed at the pace I was going. Quads burned something fierce. But I’m glad I could carry on.

Last, Day 28 of the XTP. Leg work, tendon strengthening day. Definitely not calling it active rest at this point. Took a lot of willpower to keep the leg off floor for corresponding halves of the sequence. But I managed to get through it by skin of teeth. (Being fresh off the squat hops certainly didn’t help. Pffft.)

Spent rest of day chatting, starting watching Good Omens with friend, listening to music, and browsing stuff. Got to bed late again.

-

July 30

I woke up after 11AM.

One of the first things I did today was some dishes. And after that, I started on today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 push-ups with EC. Manageable, modestly sloppy, but acceptable.

Second, Day 30 of the 1′ Cardio Challenge. 1′ basic burpees. One go, 20 reps (+1 extra to complete another rep/cycle). Saving grace of burpees is the fact it takes a bit of time to execute one rep - but even 20 at that pace did get me pretty winded!

Last, Day 29 of the XTP. Last arm day of the program and my arms are so done. Numbers:

Alt bicep curls: 70-60-50-45-40

Tricep extensions (per side): 18-16-14-14-12

Bilateral tricep extensions: 10-8-6-6-6

Listened to my Discover Weekly music, had a hysterical time chatting with friend, watched another episode of Good Omens with ‘im, and decided to do a quick Janus doodle before turning in (way too late).

-

July 30

Despite needing more sleep, I got up around 8AM, today.

The first thing I addressed was cleaning my ears... feels so much better now. (wonder if that was influencing reduced appetite / food texture issues...)

Watched some YouTube, gamed, and did some dishes before doing today’s exercises.

First, today’s DD. 30 forward bends with EC. Relatively breezy, kinda of a warm-up for my program stuff.

Last, Day 30 of the Xpress Tone Program. Legs / lower body work. Pretty aerobic. Numbers:

Forward lunges: 60-50-40-36-32

Deadlifts: 20-18-16-14-12

Side lunges: 30-24-20-16-14

Goblet squats: 40-36-30-26-24

I then spent time making today’s HF meal. Scallops over truffled mushroom risotto. I liked it alright - but general consensus was that it didn’t exactly knock things out of the park. Additionally, it was pretty involved, so it might not see a reprisal in future.

Wouldn’t mind making something else with scallops or truffle oil, in future though (was given reasonable advice to be a bit conservative on that - given how strong of a flavor/fragrance that had.)

Spent rest of day chatting and planning out my next couple weeks of fitness stuff. Got to bed too late... narrowly overshot my yellow zone this time. But man, I was exhausted.

-

Summary of Experience:

I finished the 1′ Cardio Challenge in July 30. Overall, this was a pretty fun little challenge and a good balance for strength training! I did record my rep counts, so it may be interesting to see if I could squeeze more into the minute in future. I really liked the straight leg bounds, hops on spot, and most of the jacks. Didn’t like the lunging variations and split jacks so much. But, that’s just how it is~

I finished the Xpress Tone Program in July 31. Circuit structure made this interesting and distinct from IRONBORN. But I could dig it! I worked with a max of 2x5lbs per arm (halving it for lateral raises and flies). Many opportunities did this one kick my ass. These were my PBs:

Alt bent over rows (total): 20-16-14-12-12

Alt bicep curls: 70-60-50-46-40

Alt shoulder presses: 30-24-20-20-18

Bent over flies: 10-8-8-6-6

Bent over tricep extensions (per side): 6-5-5-4-4

Bilat. bent over rows:10-8-6-6-6

Bilat. bicep curls: 20-16-12-8-8

Bilat. hammer curls: 26-22-18-14-12

Bilat. tricep extensions: 10-8-6-6-6

Deadlifts: 20-18-16-14-12

Forward lunges (total, alt): 60-50-40-36-32

Goblet squats: 40-36-30-26-24

Hammer curls (total, alt): 22-18-14-10-10

Lateral raises: 14-12-10-8-6

Side lunges: 30-24-20-16-14

Split lunge into shoulder press (total): 14-10-8-6-6

Squat into shoulder press (total): 16-14-14-12-12

Tricep extensions: 18-16-14-14-12

Upright rows: 18-14-10-10-8

I COULD share the spreadsheets, if anyone is interested in seeing them~

[venus-says]

Kamen Rider Fourze Episodes 01-16

Space is here!

... and I couldn't be any less stoked about it.

Yes, despite taking a little longer this time, I'm still doing this madness. I had a few problems these past weeks and I couldn't post on Saturdays like I wanted to do for this "watch all of Kamen Rider" series for like two or three weeks in a row, but I'm still trying my best and I won't give up!

This post is in charge of telling my thoughts on the beginning of the third Kamen Rider series that I watch, and if you could grasp my mood from the first sentence in this text you may know that... I didn't like it. I know what I'm saying may sound like a heresy to some since in all places I looked trying to define what would be my starting point in this franchise EVERYONE recommended Fourze as a good first series to watch and EVERYONE seemed to consider this one of the best Kamen Rider series ever. Well, I don't know if I had my expectations high because of all of that, of if this is just an overestimated series, what I know is that I didn't like it and I don't have many positives to say about it.

Which is odd because I like space, and I like space-themed things so a season about space seemed like a sure deal to me, but I couldn't get invested in anything here. To not say that I disliked everything about Fourze, I like a few insert songs, I could see myself jamming to some of those, and I also like that the villains are based after constellations, that's another cool touch, but that's pretty much it. I don't like the characters, I don't like the setting, I don't like the transformation belt, I don't like the suit designs, I don't like the toys that look like food, I wasn't really interested in the plot, nothing caught my eyes under a positive lighting. Of course, this is just coming from the first third and my opinion may change, but for now, I really dislike everything about Fourze.

And it's not like Fourze is a terrible show either, despite my lack of interest I could see that there were things there that could appeal to a lot of people, the problem is that those things don't appeal to me.

The thing that pushes Fourze away from me the most is the school setting. It may seem odd, after all both Aikatsu and Precure that are my favorite shows are set on schools, but I'm not a fan of the school aspect, I never was, and seeing a season happening on a school seems like a downgrade for me after two very strong seasons that managed to gather a quite diverse cast despite not happening centered around a space where they could gather lots of different people to serve both as allies or MOTW victims. And like it's not even the typical Japanese school setting that at least has the "foreigner" factor to bring some spice, this is a school that looks more like an American school and there's nothing more boring than a story that happens on an American school, with the sport jocks, the mean popular cheerleader, the geeks, the trouble makers, and all that boring stuff. Though I guess to them this would be the "foreigner" element so... In any case, if the school element wasn't present, or if at least it wasn't so focused around that, I could see myself enjoying Fourze more. I would still have my problems with it, though I wouldn't be as uninterested.

The other aspect I don't like is the characters. First, there are way too many of them for me to care about, there are seven "main characters" and I just ask myself why. Like, most of them aren't even characters they are an adjective and their whole character is based around said adjective and they don't evolve at all (I mean they don't have time to since there are seven of them), they have one moment of catharsis that is the point that leads them to join the club and after that, they're just that adjective that defined them once again. I don't feel compelled to like or sympathize with any of them INCLUDING THE PROTAGONIST. Gentarou is just shallow, Kengo is Gotou 2.0 but with a sick body, Yuki is the generic girl companion filling the female quota that has a thing for space to make her fit the story, Miu is the spoiled mean girl, Shun is the jock that is the star of the football team, Tomoko is the goth girl, and I have no idea what JK is supposed to be. And like I could excuse Miu, Shun, Tomo, and JK, being onesided if they were just victims of the MOTW because more or less each one of them had an interesting conflict centering around them for their "introduction" mini-arcs. But at the moment you make them recurring characters you gotta do something with them, you gotta show they're not just a stereotype in the story, but after 16 episodes that's all they are and I don't have hopes that they will have any major changes during the rest of the show.

I usually would take some time to talk about the main trio of this season, but I feel like I have even fewer things to say about them than I have to say about the attached cast. Gentarou is supposed to be the upbeat cheerful lead that you want to root for, but he's the type of person who I hate the most that go around making the rest of the world bow to his will and make things without taking other person's boundaries into consideration and, in the end, he's reassured that what he's doing is right. I just can't like him, I'm sorry. Kengo is just boring, they try to make him interesting by giving him a sickness and a tragic past but it doesn't work for me. And Yuki is basically the same, don't get me wrong in terms of female companions she's an improvement from Hina and Akiko, but like, she lacks so much she's so generic I don't have any feeling for her.

I wish I had something to say about the villains but we didn't get a lot of them in these episodes. They're based on the zodiac and they're all of the school staff it seems so I think that's cool. We've only seen two generals so far and I liked one but disliked the other so there's no concrete thing I can say about their designs. The zodiarts are cool, some designs are hit or miss but I like the concept of being constellations and that they can evolve/grade change into a general. I think the most exciting thing from the villains so far was seeing that the teacher was the Scorpio constellation because that was truly shocking I never guessed that bland teacher could be a villain, very sad she "lasted" for like only two episodes, but she hasn't been utterly defeated so I guess she can still come back.

Before I go on with Fourze's design, I'll comment on something I didn't find a place for it. I don't know if it's just me, but this was a very slow show. Because of the "two episodes, one story" formula it took freaking TWELVE EPISODES to introduce all characters of the club and it felt so dragged, like if things weren't moving at a proper pace. Another thing that was quite difficult to me was accepting that those actors were high school kids, which is weird because I made the research and, by the calcs, everyone in the cast was around 18 years old by the time of release so it shouldn't feel as weird to have them playing high school kids, but I don't know there's something in there that doesn't register as right with me. Also, I was shocked by the small number of notes I had, for a post like this I usually have three pages worth of comments that I write on a notebook while I watch the show, but I could barely write a full page on these 16 episodes and that's just sad.

And the last thing I have to complain about is Fourze's design. I'm sorry, but this design is ugly a hell, it took me so much to realize the helmet was supposed to be a rocket is not even funny. If their goal was to make something alien well congratulations to them because that looks awkward and uncomfortable as hell. And the power-ups? I know this probably sounded like a great idea on paper but the execution is way too wonky for me to like. And also he has the most awkward add-ons ever like, who though a brush would be a good power up? Not even the electric and the fire forms were able to make the design improve.

I could complain some more and talk about the new rider that comes out of nowhere once again, but I'm tired and I don't wanna sound more annoying as I probably already do so I'll wrap things up here. Feel free to tell me how wrong I am in the comments, but please be kind. XD I'll see you guys another time, hopefully being more positive next time.

[selfcallednowhere]

March 4, 2018, San Francisco, CA

I was really excited about this show, the second at the Fillmore in as many nights, because I knew they'd be changing the setlist up a fair amount, as they always do when they play more than one show in a row in the same place. I was even more excited when a bit before the show Flans posted on Facebook that there would be fifteen new songs, which was practically a full half of the show!

They opened with "Pencil Rain"--that one was definitely a surprise. I think the only time I've seen that song outside of the two Lincoln shows I've been to was at one of the Brooklyn New Year's Eve shows a few months before this. I don't think it's one of the absolute best songs on Lincoln, there are definitely other songs I'd rather see, but any song from that album is gonna be some degree of amazing, so it was definitely cool to see it.

Afterwards, Flans said that they know it's disappointing when bands play too many new songs (WRONG--or at least, wrong when the new songs in question are as fantastic as the ones on I Like Fun!), so when they said they were going to play a new song we should pretend it was our favorite song, and they will accept fake emotion.

They played "All Time What," then John said they should introduce the next song by talking about "what makes this song so this song-y."

The song was "Why Does the Sun Shine?", once again with JF singing and JL talking. The heat and light of the sun were caused by the nuclear reaction between "things made out of stuff, microscopic dust, the feelings that separate us, and death." (The last couple made it a very Linnellian list.) There was also some adorable spazziness from him.

After that Flans said half the show would be different than the night before and the other half would be "mind-numbingly the same." He said we'd see that the banter we thought was improvised wasn't (he was joking, but I did see them recycle some banter on this tour, to my slight disillusionment). Then John said that they wouldn't be playing the songs we came back for, and Flans said they were all about "delivering disappointment" and were like General Tso's chicken.

Then Flans said he'd just gotten Netflix and so has been watching a lot of Netflix, including a documentary he'd just watched about the czars. He said that also today "I went to a restaurant where everything was fried, because who wants to live forever?" and that he was "just living my vampire life." Then he said, "We have a day off in Eugene, because who would want a day off in San Francisco? And you wonder why we're bitter." Then he asked John, "How are your problems?" "My problems are awesome."

Next they played "Mammal," which was quite exciting, and then came the next episode in the continuing saga of "Will John Linnell ever manage to successfully sing 'Mrs. Bluebeard' without screwing up the lyrics somehow?" This time he managed to get very close to the end smoothly, and I was trying to somehow send him some sort of mental encouragement ("Almost there! I believe in you!"), but then he messed up the very end, siiiiigh. At this point I pretty much gave up and resigned myself to the fact that he was never going to manage to get it right.

Next they played "She's Actual Size." I've seen this song a ton, but outside of a couple of Apollo 18 shows in the past few years it's almost all been contained within the confines of the very very first shows I went to on the Mink Car tour, back when it featured the epic Dial-A-Drum-Solo bit with Dan Hickey, which made this another surprise. It is a good song both on the album and live, but I've never been a fan of part of the arrangement they've used all the times I've seen it, where towards the end it gets way slowed down and Flans is singing in falsetto and all that (I'm fine with his falsetto at other times, it just bugs me in this one specific instance). But up until that point seeing it was fun.

Next was "The Statue Got Me High," to my great disappointment on keyboard again, but this time I managed to push myself past that disappointment and still really dig the performance, which was good because it's very close to the top in my list of all-time most-beloved songs and I do want to actually be able to enjoy it.

After that John got his accordion on ("Oh now you do," I couldn't help thinking). He introduced the next song as being "one of our tired old songs." When they started playing I saw that was an assessment I most definitely would not agree with, as the song was another one of my all-time favs (it was in fact my favorite song way back when I started getting more deeply into TMBG when I was in high school): "Turn Around"! So I was thrilled about that, of course!

Next they played "When the Lights Come On," which remains my favorite of the new songs they've actually been doing live to see. Afterwards, Flans said that it was from their new album I Like Fun, "available on Bar/None records and tapes." Then he said they really do have it available on vinyl, and that the vinyl was made in the Czech Republic, which is where they make the good stuff. John said if you want "the flat ones that actually play" you have to go there. Then Flans said that records look like calendars, and then was joking about someone in the audience who made a noise like they thought that was "a cruel burn."

Next they played "The Mesopotamians." I'd actually managed to enjoy it the night before after feeling burned out on it for some time, but this time I felt sick of it again.

Afterwards, Flans pointed out that the Oscars were currently happening (I actually didn't know that until he said it--I don't pay much attention to that sort of thing), and that we were all "out of the loop about something that's going to be appalling everyone." Then he was talking about when they announced the wrong winner for Best Picture last year--"What a shitshow. That was the ultimate 'you had one job.'"

They played "This Microphone," and then another surprise that I was really excited to see: "Cyclops Rock"! That's one of my favs on Mink Car and it's totally kickass live (I am an eternal sucker for really high-energy rockin' Flansongs live), and it had popped up a couple of times at other shows I'd been to recently, but not much, so yeh it was a lot of fun.

Next they talked about how Dial-A-Song is back. Flans said some of the songs have had "startling" videos that have gotten Youtube comments just saying something like "Fuck." John said, "That's the response we've been hoping for for 35 years." Then he said his favorite comment they've received is "What sorcery is this?" He asked Flans if he objected to the "Fuck" cos it needed a parental advisory (this amused me cos Flans swears like crazy), and Flans said not at all.

Then they returned to the previous night's discussion of this Tony Robbins guy. Flans said, "He's not an evangelist cos he doesn't have a soul," and told us again that he'd just watched a "fake documentary" about him. John said their conversation wasn't accurately conveying how "completely crazy" he is. Flans said that he "uses disruptive language to break down barriers of communication," which basically means saying "fuck" to "someone who looks related to my great-aunt." John said that was disruptive, and Flans agreed that it was "like being slapped in the face is disruptive." Then John said that if they tried they could be "the Tony Robbins of rock bands."

They closed out the first set the same way they did the night before: "Hey, Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had a Deal" straight into "Birdhouse in Your Soul," which is seriously SO MUCH ROCKIN' OUT AT ONCE, it's almost too much.

The second set started with the Quiet Storm contra-alto clarinet version of "Older" like usual. Then Flans made Marty play part of some Phil Collins song again (or maybe it was a Genesis song and not him solo, I don't even know, I hate Phil Collins and did not recognize it).

They played "I Like Fun," and then Curt got out his euphonium. Flans said the euphonium is what they give you in band when you're too small to play the tuba, and John said euphonium isn't the real name of the instrument, it's a euphemism (a joke that made the word nerd in me happy).

So next they played "Shoehorn with Teeth," which is always a ton of fun live, and I really loved it on accordion (what, as opposed to all the songs I don't love on accordion?). Marty was playing some big bell, and Flans was trying to figure out what it was. Then, he said it wasn't what he thought it was, and he was just confused cos he was getting high from the pot people were smoking. John said it was particularly stinky pot (I'm reasonably bothered by the smell of pot just as a general rule, but I can confirm that whatever people were smoking here seemed to smell even worse than usual), and Flans said it's what they say is "the good stuff" on cop shows. Then John said something about a character played by Tony Roberts in Serpico, who's supposed to be the cool cop but isn't really. Then they were saying that their cultural references are going to be very specific now--they're only going to talk about him, Tony Robbins, Tom Robbins, and Tom Robinson.

Next they played "A Self Called Nowhere," and I know I'm writing some variation of "it was so incredibly special for me" in every single one of these reviews, but that's because it's always true. I know the first time is always going to be the most special time, just because it was the first and I'd been wanting this so intensely for such a long time, but something really great about the times I've seen it since the first couple is they've included Curt on trumpet (since he wasn't with them for the early part of the tour), and I always think he adds so much to the songs he appears on.

Next they played "How Can I Sing Like a Girl?" I saw that one on accordion a ton when they were doing it duo a lot on I think it was the Join Us tour, and it was great that way--I preferred it duo just cos my heart is now and forever all about duo stuff, but this arrangement was fantastic too.

Next they played "Istanbul," the duo version with them being really silly. During the part where Flans is saying "Take me back, please take me back," in falsetto and John's saying "Nooooo" in a really deep voice, John said "Even Tony Robbins says no" one of the times. Like the other times I've seen them do it duo on this tour, the full band came back for the crazy jam session at the end.

They played "Particle Man," then did another awesome big surprise song: "Dig My Grave"--GOD is that song fun live. (It's only just now occurring to me how many of the songs that I was happily surprised by during this run of shows are from Apollo 18, and having the thought that they would've needed to rehearse them for the Apollo 18 show they'd done the previous month, so that's probably why they were sprinklig them into the set here and there.) There were strobes during it, and afterwards Flans said they should've mentioned that there were strobes, but they'd forgotten, and John said that after there were strobes they couldn't remember anything (they'd had roughly the same exchange at the aforementioned Apollo 18 show). Flans said it was like how the kick drum gives you a heart attack, and then recessitates you, and John said Marty always has to play the kick drum an even number of times or they'll die. Flans said "Clear!" (all dramatically like they do on medical TV shows), and then said he doesn't even understand why they say that, and John said "I think that's a Scientology thing." Then Flans said maybe it's just a blessing.

They played "Wicked Little Critta" (as usual the best part about the song for me was watching the closeups of John's hands on his Kaoss Pad and keyboard that were being projected on the screen on the back of the stage--that's about the only time I actually like the screen being there, normally I just find it unpleasantly distracting), and then another big surprise song: the title track from that album. That stirred up a lot of Feelings for me, as it was the very first song they played at my very first show.

They played "I Left My Body," then Flans said that they'd someday figure out a way to do a three-night stand. He said they'd probably have to become a jam band. John said people didn't seem very enthusiastic, and Flans said they'd be drawing an entirely different crowd. John asked if people were yelling "Gross," but then he figured out that they were yelling about the Black Crowes, and Flans explained (like the day before) that there was a poster in their dressing room from a time they played five nights in a row here at the Fillmore and that the poster was "mocking" them.

Someone was yelling out for "Spider" and Flans said that they'd play it even though they're from New York, where the rule is you're not allowed to play requests. He said he'd gone to a sandwich shop where a woman asked the guy to heat up her sandwich and he said "We believe you'd prefer it cold." They actually did play it, but John looked so unenthusiastic when Flans said they were going to. But I mean he didn't really have much choice, he would've looked like a jerk if he'd refused to after Flans already said they were going to. Anyway it was an interesting version of the song, particularly since he played it on accordion (he just happened to already have it on for the following song).

The next song in question was "Subliminal," my reaction to which can be summed up by the "Oh fuck yes" that popped into my head as soon as they started playing it. As my friend Ant put it "That song is better live than it has any right to be," and it's another classic I've only seen a handful of times. I was disappointed by the lack of fake backwards singing at the end, but otherwise it was perfect.

Next they played "Let Me Tell You About My Operation" (my current fav Flansong and absolutely amazing live, so always a welcome addition to the set!). Then there were band intros and the main set wrapping up with "Doctor Worm."

The first encore started with "Spy." During the improv part (which is really what makes that song live), John was playing a sample I heard him employ at several other shows, but I'm not sure what the source is, it's just a woman singing "Now the night has gone."

Next they played "Fingertips," which I've always really loved live but I'm sorry to say I've been getting into burnout with it just recently due to overexposure. However, this particular performance did feature a notable variation: During "I Walk Along Darkened Corridors," Dan appeared up in the balcony and finished the song there! (He actually might've shown up there earlier than that, I'm not sure, but that was when I noticed him.)

The second encore started with "Ana Ng," so between that and "Everything Right is Wrong Again" the previous night I got both my tattoo songs in San Francisco. And they closed the show with "New York City."

So all in all this was a most excellent show. After my prior frustration on this trip with having no variation in the setlist between the first show and the second, it was really exciting to get so many different and exciting surprises between these two Fillmore shows.

The final and really not very exciting JL wardrobe report: the long-sleeved black shirt made another appearance.