#i watched tbis video where this guy talked abt how he stayed with his gf for six months after she hit him
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#sorry a lot of these kind of posts are in tags#i don’t know how to format a read more on mobile#and i dont have access to a laptop so im pretty limited#this post talks abt abuse in romantic relationships and since i have a very. stream of consciousness style of writing#it may be disjointed and confusing Especially since i cant go back and make shit flow better w/o retyping the whole tag#so uh. Sorry. and sorry for this post#i cant tell if i just have the biggest victim complex on earth or if my ex was abusing me#i watched tbis video where this guy talked abt how he stayed with his gf for six months after she hit him#and our relationship was strictly online (how cringe) bc they lived in the US and im in canada#and details of how ‘bad’ our relationship really was are kind of lost to time bc of my faulty memory and the lack of documentation#i deleted/moved blogs so many times i dont know where it really starts but i know where it ends#and i dont want to call them an abuser because i dont remember and like i wasnt perfect either#but when i start to rationalize what happened(/what i remember) i feel. guilty. like i shouldnt even talk about this#like jesus christ i am over them i have. almost no desire to go back to them and realistically i know it wouldnt end well#they probably dont even think about me anymore and thats great and i wish i could put this all behind me too#but theres so much that was left unchecked. both times the relationship ended they hurt me in a way that still affects me#i was ready to do anything for them and in some cases i did things i wasnt totally okay with#if what they did was abusive i dont think they did it intentionally or with the intent to hurt me. is that still abuse??#or is it just being a terrible partner#i dont know. i dont know. i wish i talked to someone about this but i had no one#no one i wanted to bother with my stupid shit anyway and like i dont want to drag ppl into relationship stuff anyway like#it isnt their business so like. what the fuck yknow. i wasnt perfect either but i tried#i think a reason i dont want to say i was abused by my ex was cos itll feel like..so inconsequential to people who were Actually Abused#they werent purposefully mean or threatening they just lied to me and when we were 15/16 made me change my habits to better suit them#i want to heal and move forward but theres so much doubt and i just dont know. i dont know.#is it abuse?? will i ever find out??? tune in next time [REDACTED] decides to make a Personal Tumblr Post at 5am
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