#i wasnt gonna post this one here because idk i feel like im only supposed to post my Polished stuff

[drkcatt]

i do believe in my heart of hearts that minfilia would wear camouflage cargo shorts if left to her own devices

[badgyalshii]

ITS NEVER OVER | II

Paul Atreides x Reader (always safe for POCS+ Plus size)

2.6k word count

warnings! idk really you tell me lmao. just sad really, flashbacks, etc. proofread, uhhh most of it.

A/N: im so happy i got the results that I did in the first part, im thinking of starting a taglist for this series maybe so just send me an ask saying you wanna be in there and i gotchuuuu! thank you to everyone who reads my stories, i was supposed to post this yesterday but i was pretty busy. i am overall happy with how this series is going! i was gonna leave it simple and end it here, but honestly i feel like i could keep going with this, love you guysss!😘

Access Part I here. I . II . III . IV .

¨its just protocol¨ ¨it wasnt necessary, i watched. Ive watched you, standing behind you. Who are you, paul?¨

¨y/n? Helloooo, y/n¨ chani waved her hand in your face as the memory slowly faded and you came back to your vision and seeing chani infront of you. You both laid on the small bed, hot when the sun was up or down. Chani wanted more, she swore she did. When she wasnt talking to you she was searching for something to make this ¨house¨ feel comforting, like a home. You closed your eyes as the flashback completely faded in your head. You both were laying down, she was across from you with a worried look on her face as you blinked. ¨yes chani?¨ ¨are you prepared?¨ she asked. You struggled to remember what she was talking about, and her concerned look never left her face. ¨To leave¨ chani whispers gently. She knew you still had feelings for paul, and she couldnt fight to win you over in your constant mental battle. You never felt like this before. Wanting only one person- no, needing them. Under your eyes grew heavier and heavier. Days grew longer and you hardly slept and when you did it was of paul, had you have no life of your own? Have you grown depressed? You sighed, stood and you dressed, taking a deep breath in as you pulled up your pants and grabbed your mask.

Its been 6 years, 6 years on arrakis with chani, and you never forgot. You never forgot the life that you used to have, the life you missed so deprately, and you never came to terms with your new life, even if it was with chani. You missed stilgar, you missed everyone, grouped together, eating, small laughs between you and your friends, paul picking at your plate whenever you didnt really feel like finishing your food. You loved chani, you love her, youve became closer and closer like sisters. She taught you her own individual skills that shes learned along the way, but you guys barely talked. Her company was comforting, but all you really thought about was paul, and his new marriage, and his new wife. Was it just…..protocol? You could tell when you spoke to chani that she was extremely uninterested in the topic of paul, but thats all you ever thought about.

You found another place in arrakis, it took about 6 sandworms to get to your destination and you lived in once again, another large rock. You and chani hunted for water and when you found it you both started to make another ¨tent¨ in the rock to live at for a while. You both sat down and ate.

¨whats on your mind?¨ chani asked worryingly, she worried, she worried so often. She only wanted whats best for you and it hurt to see you this way but she covered it with her toughness. ¨paul. Maybe he was right-¨ ¨y/n, it has been six years since then. Please-¨

¨maybe… i should go¨ you thickly swallowed, looking at your hands before you looked back up at her. Her jaw was clenched before she released it, she has an irritated look on her face before she released her eyebrows. ¨im coming with you”

As you got dressed to go back to him, you thought of him. Maybe it was because of the way he laughed so softly against your lips that made you miss him. Maybe its because of how his warm and rough fingers softly grazed your face and on your body sending butterflies in your stomach and tiny shocks wherever his loving touch landed, eager to touch you, the way his green but now electric blue eyes looked at you with pure admiration. He was so perfect. Everything you wouldbe thought you wanted on paper was right infront of you, waiting on you. You couldnt lie, you were excited to see him and thankful chani allowed you to go back. You wondered about him, wondered how he looked now, was he more mature? Did his voice get deeper? was it just protocol? Did you make a mistake? Is he safe? Is he still there? Does he still love you?

Anxiety crept through your throat before you swallowed it back down. Chani was already ready to go as soon as she shes going with you. You looked at her, she was sitting outside of the giant rock, waiting for you and if she wasnt already so smart, she turned feeling eyes on her back almost as if she could sense you, one eyebrow raised as she then crossed her arms and leaned on her left foot. You sighed before picking up your things, walking up to chani she put her hand on your shoulder and patted it. ¨can we just sit here? we just got here! look at the view¨ she said before crossing her arms again and looking at you with a smile.

The view was clearly beautiful. The sun coming down as it usually does but in this particular rock, there was something different about the scenery. ¨pretty cool for a shit planet¨ you muttered, dropping your things before you got down and sat criss cross. Chani joined you, enjoyed the view for a little longer before she looked over at you.

¨why do you like him so much, Paul?¨ she questioned kindly, usually she didnt like talking about him, she was never a fan. You looked at her, studying her face you could see she had a serious face beside her eye slightly winched from the sun, she waiting on your answer before she lifting her knee and laid on her elbow. you sighed before sitting with your legs flat out with your hands in your lap, it wasnt a hard question, it just caught you off guard. Why were you so attracted to him? . ¨i….i dont know, actually¨ you looked back into the view, chewing on the side of your cheek before continuing. ¨its not everyday you get a new comer who is so emotionally strong but you could see he is so lost in those gorgeous eyes. Someone so intelligent, beautiful, kind, and wise. Who wants to learn and is¨ you did an exaggerated sigh before raising your fingers to quote ¨so humble, as stilgar says¨ chani laughs before laying flat out. ¨he was new, wasnt like us. us growing up, we were used to the same routine, everyone around everyone. So when he got here, when he wanted me.. I just…felt…different. Everything felt different¨ a small smile played on your face as you thought of him.

“ever thought of kids?” paul asked, playing with your hair. “why are you thinking of kids in your current situation, paul? wouldnt that be too much?” you reply, your arm laid across him and your head in his chest. he chuckled in return, you felt his heartbeat skip and pitter patter before you felt the vibrations from his voice, “i wouldnt wanna have a kid unless its yours, y/n” and with that you smiled and looked up at him, pressing a kiss to his lips before he wrapped his arms around your waist to flip you guys over, you both chuckled before paul pulled up the sheets.

You wanted to feel his warm embrace again. You wanted him again. ¨i had a vision- well a dream that one day, he would be ruler. Be so wise and so gentle, which he already is. But i would be at his side, carrying his kids. Happy family. Getting to see his eyes… looking into him and only seeing love, i wouldnt ever grow tired of it. Y/N atredies, queen of atredies, me and him. You and stilgar, everyone around each other. Happy family, happy life. Of course war, but-¨ you cut yourself off, ¨i just want love, ever since i experieced it with him, its hard to let go. He teached me genuine love, nothing less, nothing more. The way he was so honest. How could i ever let that go?¨ you questioned, a puzzled look on your face as you waited on chani to answer. She took a pause, she once again looked back at the view before looking at you.

¨you do understand that he isnt the same anymore, right?¨”she said, looking up. ¨i understand,¨ you nodded, ¨ and i saw it, when he said he was waiting for me. He changed when he drunk the water of life. I dont think he really… values relationships anymore. I remember, i remember before he drunk the water, way before. He would tell me about these nightmares he had and how he was going to do everything to stop it¨ you pursed your lips to the side, as the conversation flowed, your confidence in your relationship was going lower and lower. As much as you didnt want to hear it, you needed to. ¨he lost himself, y/n¨ chani says. ¨are you sure when you walk back into his life hes gonna be the same old paul?¨

You bit your lip before looking down at your hands and let out a breath, ¨thats what were going to find out, right?¨ ¨to be honest,¨ chani sighed and put her hands behind he head, looking at the ceiling of the rock. ¨ i dont really trust him, never did. nor do i like him. He took advantage of us y/n. Tricked us, making us fight for him¨ chani said without filter. ¨he is the preacher, its written. I believe in him¨ you said pridefully, showing humility as you will always stand behind your one true love. ¨you got your sight taken by the vision of love¨ chani looks at you, she felt bad that you were so blind. But you were often like this, always have been. Soft, sensitive, caring. Its true, you and muad´dib are perfect for each other, chani could see that, but you honestly didnt wanna talk about it if she wasnt even gonna try to understand. ¨white savior¨ she finishes and looks up at the ceiling of the rock again before she looks back into the distance. ¨i love him¨ that was your finishing statement.

It was as if nothing faded, like you didnt grow, like you saw paul yesterday, like you never left. Chani felt so bad, so bad that you kept searching for paul in sleepless nights. But she also felt slightly angry, as if she didnt take you under her wing and teach you something brand new, a new way of life. It was like you totally discarded it, like you didnt want it, you didnt want to. Paul or nothing. Did you not value chanis friendship? Her love? She would never ask, shes too dominate for that. But it bothered her.

¨we should leave before it gets too late¨ chani mutters, letting out a slight groan before she stood and wiped her hands off on the pockets of her pants. You followed suit and picked up your bag before something dropped. It was pauls necklace, a family heirloom he trusted you with, he wanted you to have it. You looked at it before picking it up, rubbing over it and placing it over your neck before following chani.

The sand crunched against your shoes as you followed her, she was silent as she held the tools to get a sandworm. It was offly hot today and you both lacked water so she viewed it at that point, she already discussed with you that she wasnt gonna work for muad´dib, wasnt gonna fight for him, only gonna fight for her people. You looked at her, the sweatbeads on her forehead visible but it didnt make her look bad. You sat while you waited for the sandworm to appear.

When you arrived the foundation looked huge, guards around the premises dressed in black, all tall, muscular, and you could easily tell they were worthy of their place. ¨follow me¨ chani said, her walk bold and strong as you followed behind her in suit. Chani walked up the the guard and the guard had a strong bold look. ¨who are you?¨ the guard asked. ¨chani¨ she replied, taking off the mask that covered her eyes. ¨freman¨ he muttered, he looked over chanis shoulder and saw you. ¨and you?¨ he questioned, ¨freman¨ you replied. He stepped aside and allowed you both to enter. Chani pushed the door open, coming inside and you followed.

You werent used to this, spending all your life living in a rock. The walls were long and you looked at them, wanting to touch them, study the whole place. But there was something else you wanted to see to, the love of your life. ¨y/n, im gonna try to find stilgar. Be safe¨ chani whispered to you. ¨chani, this is home. Everyone we know is here, this is family¨ you said with a smile on your face. ¨its been six years. Foundations couldve changed, family couldve changed. Who knows what paul did, y/n¨ she said stern. You nodded your heard and she did too, leaving you off to find the one you wanted to see do desperately.

You walked, the building was so silent that you could hear your own footsteps, sand fell off your shoes as you walked, leaving a trail. A smile played on your lips as you walked throught the halls, checking every door, seeing your people. You asked them, ¨wheres paul?¨ in return they smiled, ¨not so sure. I dont even know where his room is at. Maybe check the throne room. Honestly, i havent seen him in a long time, y/n¨ and you did, no one was there. You furrowed your eyebrows and continued to look through the rooms, paul just wasnt there. Your happiness sooned turn into sadness and insecurity. Tears were on the edge of brimming your eyes. You exiteded the castle and sat down, leaning against the wall. You held your knees up to your chest and put your head on your forearms.

Where is he? Wheres chani? This is his place he cant be impossible to find, can he? Why cant i find him? Wheres his wife? All these thoughts coursed through your head as you waited, you ended up falling asleep, outside.

¨y/n?¨ you heard. Your neck had a crane as you looked up. ¨y/n!¨ it was a voice you recognized, ¨why are you outside?¨ they laughed, you finally looked up after rubbing your eyes and it was stilgar. ¨stilgar!¨ you yelled, he came down to your level and hugged you. He laughed ¨look at you, all dirty¨ he wiped your face. ¨wheres paul?¨ you questioned, his smile dropped and his eyebrows furrowed. This took you aback, ¨wheres paul? I was gonna ask you that¨ he mutters, wiping the dirt off of your cheek. You dropped his hand and looked at him with desperate eyes, ¨what-what do you mean?¨ you asked, desperate for an answer. ¨paul left 2 years ago, y/n. He said when he came back, he would come back with you¨” stilgar looks down as he reveals, you stood, paced, questioned. ¨he said he would wait for me- i….i dont understand! Stilgar¨ you let out a whine, trying to fight the tears. ¨where is he? Stilgar please, please!¨ you begged, dropping to your knees. Stilgar couldnt muster to come up with anything to say. In honesty, he mightve been more sad than you. The messiah is gone, lost. No where to be found. How could he find him? Where could he possibly be? Two years. Two. this was like heartbreak all over again. Before, you knew he was alive, but now. You know nothing. Should you go back? Is he still searching for you?

[resurrectionist3]

June 6th, 1755 - Happy Birthday Nathan Hale!!!

We are gonna pretend like this isn’t several days late.

And this post is about to be super long…

Disclaimer: for the entirety of the post, I’m recalling information that was told to me by the tour guide from the Nathan Hale Homestead. If anything I wrote here is incorrect or not complete information, feel free to KINDLY correct me in a comment or repost, I would appreciate that☺️

-

Back in May (05/18/24), I visited the Nathan Hale Homestead in Coventry, Connecticut with my sister!!

I always drive by it when I go home from school and I finally got to visit for a tour! They also have a farmers market on grounds in the summertime as well as a couple other events throughout the year. I do hope i get to attend their Halloween ghost stories.

One thing i learned that i guess i didn’t ever realise was that Nathan never actually lived in this house. After his mother passed, Nathan’s father, Deacon Richard Hale and all 9(?) of his children lived together in a very, very small house. It wasnt until after Richard was remarried, that this newer and larger house was built. By this point, i believe Nathan had already moved away to be a teacher in New London.

Here are photos of their medicine cabinet and their fireplace✨

Photos of their piano forte in the sitting room and a drawn family tree.

And this was Deacon Richard Hale’s writing desk. If I remember correctly, he was a deacon in the church and a magistrate. He dealt with small court disputes in their house which I found very silly (and the wax stamp had an H on it idk why that made me die😭)

And here, in one of the upstairs rooms, they displayed artist renditions of what we think Nathan Hale and his brothers looked like. I think Nathan had 9 (?) biological siblings that survived to adulthood, one of which being his sister Johanna. And then i believe he had 3 step siblings after his father remarried (im trying to recall everything the tour guide said).

Johanna isnt depictied in these drawings, its only the brothers, but her room was on display for the tour and it had a lot of windows. The tour guide said it was because she apparently loved to read, so they made sure her room had the most windows for the most light??😭😭🥹🥹

Anyways, all of Nathan’s brothers went to war except for the youngest one. Also, if you look at the years of their deaths, Samuel Hale (the oldest sibling) actually outlived them all?? Which makes me want to scream???? Samuel also didn’t inherit the family farm, it actually went to his brother John.

Joseph Hale- (damn he can get it lowkey..🥵) while in the war was captured by the British and was on a prison ship until he was exchanged and honestly I’ve been thinking about it too much. So glad he didn’t die of dysentery or something. But he did pass of consumption at only 34 which I can’t even handle.

Enoch, went to Yale along with Nathan and they were in the same graduating class which i think is so cutesy. The tour guide also said that one of the pewter steins in one of the sitting rooms (i don’t actually have a photo unfortunately) belonged to Enoch and I wanted to scream, like was it ACTUALLY his???

They had a display of several items they found on the property like coins, buttons, ect. but I didn’t take a photo of that either. It was in the same room as these images of the brothers.

I think we all know Nathan, and quite honestly i didn’t even realise he had so many siblings until this tour. I suppose one could assume given the time period - everyone had like 5+ children. But of all the times i was taught about Nathan Hale (and that was kind of a lot, being a Connecticut resident for my entire life) no one ever mentioned his family or his siblings. There was a portrait of Deacon Richard Hale in the downstairs area- I didn’t realise this in the moment, my sister mentioned it later, but (based on the artist’s rendition) Nathan looked just like his father. I found it really funny when i realised it.

This was Nathan’s hunting rifle as well, another thing that apparently belonged to one of the members of the Hale family that made me want to scream (more on that in my final thoughts).

And last photo (the Turn: Washington’s Spies baddies are gonna LOVE this one)

This is a list of the Yale University (back then, it was just Yale College) honours graduating class of 1773. On it, is Nathan and Enoch Hale of course. But also, Nathan’s friend and “roommate” 👀 (and our favourite spymaster) Benjamin Tallmadge!!!!! I had to keep my mouth shut when the tour guide mentioned that he was on this list, but I was screaming internally and my sister and i made goofy ahh eye contact.

Their names are towards the top, Enoch and Nathan are listed in the third small column while Benjamin is in the sixth one all the way to the right.

Things that i saw/were talked about that i didn’t take a photo of was a shadow drawing of Nathan’s side profile. At some point, Nathan stood in front of a door in the house while someone traced the outline of his shadow onto it. I don’t quite know why that was done..? Perhaps it was for a genuine reason or maybe the Hale siblings were just messing around. But it’s a pretty big deal considering there are actually no true portraits of Nathan or his siblings. Just statues and drawings that are artist renditions based on historical accounts. There was a historian who wrote about Nathan Hale and came in contact with a member of the Hale family (Rebecca Hale, I believe). She told him about the shadow drawing and it was a long and interesting story that I unfortunately don’t remember all the parts to. A piece about the portrait is typed on a paper in the photo of Nathan’s rifle, if you can zoom in, you can read a little more on it.

Their gift shop was also small and cutesy and I spent a lot of money there on books. On display there, they had an old piece of wood from the original house. I got a published copy of Reverend John Hale’s, A Modest Inquiry into the Nature of Witchcraft.

If anyone wasn’t aware, Reverend John Hale (Nathan Hale’s great grandfather) was called to Salem, Massachusetts from Beverly to assist in the Salem Witch Trials in 1692. He was partially responsible for the persecution of several innocent people however, nearing the end of the trials, he began to disagree with the accusations. He published this firsthand account to condemn the actions of those involved with the trials and I’ve always thought it was so interesting. I’ve wanted to read this since I read The Crucible back in high school and i was very excited to see it at the gift shop.

You can also visit the Hale Farm in Beverly, MA where Rev. John Hale used to live and I want to someday. I’ve only ever been outside of it, I’ve never properly visited for a tour. (Cutesy fact as well: Rev. John’s Hale’s birthday is June 3rd, which is only 3 days before Nathan’s).

Final Thoughts:

The Hale Family was absolutely MASSIVE. Our tour guide mentioned being a descendant of the Hale Family and im sure a number of “born and raised” New England residents are as well somewhere in their ancestry. Based on the drawn family tree, most of the members had probably 4 kids minimum and then those kids all had a ton of kids. It’s also very funny to me how there are probably several Hale’s who are decently significant figures in history and it’s just wild that it’s all one family. I know it’s the same for royal families and such but it feels different somehow.

According to our tour guide, one theory about how Nathan Hale was captured was by Robert Rogers. That Rogers invited him to dinner and convinced Nathan that he was also part of the Continental Army. Nathan then confided his mission in Rogers and was lured into a false sense of security that lead to him being captured. Which is another one for the Turn baddies that almost made me die when I heard it. Especially since I don’t believe I’ve heard that theory before.

Something I did really enjoy about this tour was how it didn’t completely focus on Nathan. Of course that would have been fine and equally as interesting, but it was mainly a lesson on his family and some of his descendants. After being taught about Nathan Hale so many times, I had no idea about his entire family and his siblings.

It also never TRULY occurred to me that there aren’t any real portraits of Nathan Hale. They’ve all been artist renditions as paintings or statues based on historical descriptions of him and something about that is extremely wild to me. It makes me somewhat grateful for our easy access to camera and video in our modern world. There are so many faces and stories that have been completely lost to time - even some very significant historical figures have little to no surviving images. Like, we know who they are and that they were here at some point - we have their belongings and things that they used. Thats why seeing Nathan’s rifle in the bedroom or Enoch’s stein in the sitting room cause me to have such visceral reactions. This was theirs once. This was used by someone probably everyday. And now its almost like a ghost or memory of them. The land around the property is heavily wooded as well, lots of trees and stones. My sister and I took a short walk around the property before leaving and it really made me think: how many of these stones did they touch? How many of these large trees did they lean on? It drives me so insane honestly.

One last thing that hadn’t occurred to me before this trip was how the Hale family learned of Nathan’s hanging. According to the tour guide, Enoch and a couple his brothers had heard of a Hale being found guilty of espionage and being hanged. And after looking into it more, Enoch did confirm that it was Nathan and sent word to the rest of the family. It’s said that before being hanged, Nathan only asked for a few things: A priest (which he did not get), parchment, quill and ink for writing. He wrote a letter to his commanding officer and one to his family. According to the guide, i believe neither one was sent. Perhaps the one to the officer was sent, however he never received it because he was killed in battle before he had the chance. And allegedly, the one written to the Hale family was seized by the British and was likely used as a written confession rather than being sent home to Nathan’s family. I honestly can’t imagine how upsetting that must’ve been for all of them. Especially with each of the Hale brothers being in the war and likely all in different places, there wasn’t really any other way for them to find out that their own brother was hanged aside from the way everyone else learned of it - through the newspaper or by word of mouth. No other Hale brother died in the war either, they all survived and had relatively high rankings by the time the war was over.

~~~

So that was my trip, it was fun and informative and I would really love to visit again sometime. I highly recommend anyone who is a fan of history, or Turn: Washington’s Spies to visit if you can! They are only open seasonally though, and only on weekends. They do a tour every hour, so plan accordingly if you want to visit!

[ellie513]

ive been having a lot of thoughts recently...

i had this group of friends from middle school to end of freshman year. we had a falling out at the end of freshmen year and i havent really spoken with them since, aside from a few months the following year, and theres one i really want to reach out to. they never did anything personal to hurt me, and while i do remember not getting along with them a couple of times, they only seemingly stopped being my friend along when everyone else did. there was one that i did reach out to, but they never responded. i do wish they and i were still friends, and i acknowledge i wasnt the best friend to them, but i recognize that there may have been things i may not remember that i did to harm them in some way. or maybe they were on the fence and just left when everyone else did. (this is a different person than the first paragraph) im fine with them not responding, i just...wish things had been different i suppose

i dont want to reach out to the second one again because i dont want to bother them (tho i did send it i think 3 years ago now so maybe they feel a little different? not gonna take that chance tho.) I kinda want to reach out to the first one because when i reconnected with them for a time the next year, they actually really welcomed me back. even tho it didnt last, im thankful for that.

i had these two people in particular blocked for some time. the first one i just unblocked a few days ago, and the other one i unblocked when i sent them the message. there are a few others in that group i wont unblock, but this isnt about them.

i also randomly developed a crush on one of my online friends i met thru some irl friends, but thats since faded (thankfully.)

course now im worried one of them will find this and share it to them but this is the first time ive gone in depth anywhere online about it, and its tumblr so really is the one person whos on here going to find this post? probably not.

i feel that i may be very paranoid and i think they think of me as often as i think of them, which when it all went down was constant, but has since shifted to like a week every 6 months where i really want to reconcile with these two people.

plus most of this happened almost 6 years ago so like idk. hopefully none of them will find it, and if they somehow do...god i hope theyre nice.

[cathyshifts]

just gonna post my experience here even tho no one asked

Okay whatever happened was so chaotic. It was a busy day, I went out with my parents since morning, then when I got home i took a nap at like 4pm, and i watched asmr, trying to sleep. I was in and out of sleep, i couldnt actually sleep tho, like i felt sleepy but i could only close my eyes and kept trying to count down so i would actually sleep. at first it was fine, then i would kind of yanked awake (lol i just said i couldnt sleep) a few times, and probably by the fourth or fifth times, i started feeling floaty, but then i started hearing my family outside, talking and doing chores because they have woken up, and i was like ugh im not gonna let them disturb me. So i affirm that i am capable of shifting to my dr, and nothing can stop me, i also said that bc i heard my sister’s footsteps close to my door and i thought she would open it, so i said that affirmation and was just, fuck it. and then i kind of feel myself rolled over (u know that feeling when ur soul and body feel separated?) and everything turned white. (okay so it was all so hazy i cant really tell what happened first. hmm but idk when this happened but there was a moment where i felt my body siting up, throw the blanket away from my body to get up or sth, then i feel my soul or sth just flopped down, lol like literally just flopped forward). So everything turned white? And i started to enter a dream, it wasnt a lucid dream, and idk why but i probably have some beef with Puss in boots or sth, but i legitimately forgot i was trying to shift for miguel and thought i was shifting for puss in boots instead💀 Also i have a friend in that dream, who were talking about shifting, idk who he was, but he was so handsome. Anywho, we started laughing as i finally remember that i shift for miguel, but i cant remember what we talked about tho? Like everything was so hazy yet so vivid??? but then he said sth like, why haven't u gone already? And im gone? Into another dream🙄 still, i think i landed in Nueva York 😟 Anywhoops, cant remember anything other than me finding miguel, and we hug, and i kept kissing him, kissing his neck, although my brain was trying really hard to picture his body lol, and he laughed and we hugged and kissing (god it was sooo weird bc my brain keep picturing my sister as she was the only person i have ever hugged daily💀) i felt happy, but bc i cant imagine well so its all so blurry too.

Anyway back to the dream, it kind of abruptly ended there, going into another place but still in the dream tho. So i was walking in the park, it was nighttime, and then i saw a girl holding a camera, shes filming sth, and then a boy in a wheelchair? and she was filming her, and he was going to a park bench and staying there. So they looked like they were laughing and having fun, until there were some group of bullies? Idk but they were real mean, and they started getting mad at what idk, but they started to get close to her, and she was too afraid so she was still filming them as she looked their way, and lol idk why but i picked up a bicycle near me and throw it on the nearest bully’s face (they were mostly teenagers lol) and then i grab her and try to swing my way out there, but idk i guess my brain forgot that im supposed to have superstrength so we kind of fall into a pit (it feels like we felt into a pit but it was just i couldnt carry her, there was no pit) and then it turned into a full dream, a thrilling, somewhat horror movie, i swing my way through the buildings and sth bad happened, and she still has the camera, so we were back at my apartment watching it and shivering and getting traumatized lol. Then i woke up (what a ride😻)

[getitoffyourchestofficial]

hi this is a lot im sorry. i love to say words and dump shit that upsets me with no real correlation. my bad /gen (genuine) (idk if you know tone indicators im sorry ough)

you dont really Have to cook up a proper response to this i just need to put it somewhere where i wont immediately get piles of advice that i cant use. i know its well-meaning but ultimately the whole situation is ou of anyones control

(also putting this 🎪 here so i can try to find it later)

im stuck in a sisyphean nightmare of a weekly cycle: i have a good day -> my mood skyrockets -> i have a bad day -> my mood plummets -> rinse and repeat. at this point i think it might be a mental condition bc something doesnt even really have to Ruin My Day, i just have to face a minor inconvenience and then suddenly im all doom-and-gloom depression for 3-5 business days before springing back up as if nothing ever happened to do it all again. my mom says i might have bpd or bipolar disorder (i always get the two confused) because she has it and we just havent seen anyone about it, mostly because we dont have the money to see any doctors most of the time. i also kinda dont wanna have either of them? not in like an asshole way but in a these-people-face-stigma-that-i-dont-know-if-i-can-emotionally-handle way. in a im already queer and fat and poor and disabled in multipled ways and overall unsavory to neurotypicals/cishets/Default Settings way. yknow

todays inciting incident was a shitty shitty halloween carnival that didnt even have the thing i was excited for, didnt have any food, had lines that were miles long (hyperbole), was too hot, and i only got 8 shitty halloween things from -- half of which were lollipops, with half of those just being the same 2 flavors but Again. we stayed for 2 hours before my mom decided she didnt wanna be out of the house anymore as usual. i cant be too mad at her because shes mentally ill in the direction of "i dont want to go anywhere because my anxiety will spike" but unfortunately im mentally ill in the direction of "if i cannot leave the house to Do Things at my own pace at least once a week i will fall into a deep depression" so we clash pretty bad most of the time. this was also following multiple minor inconveniences mind you. and was also trailed by multiple minor inconveniences. it just has not gone well. this halloween is just shaping up to suck bc i was supposed to have a whole party but we had money issues so it had to be cut down to just 2 people for a sleepover, then one of them went out to see his grandma in another state and the other is apparently in the fucking hospital right now??? at least according to his posts. and i cant blame them for these either! schedules conflict and sometimes you go to the Fuckig Hosital. its out of anyones control but it still feels like shit. so its looking like my only shot at having any fun this halloween is the trunk-or-treat at my school and idk if im even allowed to go bc i had to drop out for mental health reasons and they told me i wasnt allowed on school grounds anymore. idk if that applies here. which btw. way to make a depressed kid feel worse. you can NEVER come to this high school again or we'll ARREST YOU. fuckin bullshit. BUT thats off topic the synopsis is that this halloween sucks so far and i dont really expect it to get better which extra sucks bc im turning 18 next year and i dont wanna let this be the last hurrah for my number one favorite holiday. i cant host fucking parties for my friends after then. im gonna be busy trying to fuck off to the other end of the country. i wont have TIME for it. idk. it sucks. this sucks. fuck art and fuck you /ref (reference) /nbh (nobody here)

Ik you don't want advice for this so I'll just put it on the blog.

And idk if you want it but here's a tea

☕

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

2, 14, 23, 25? <3

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

oh honestly im mostly looking forward to being done with writing rn hfjhjg ive been doing nothing but thasmissy for 2 months straight at this point and i need to finish like 2 more scenes. so i suppose the technobabble im doing in one of those scenes bc it's really fun to find words to put in it. even though it takes forever. and then i wanna take a little break. ive still got a series of like weird sex fics somewhere on the backburner i might go do that (it's like, 13/tardis, yaz getting off to gallifreyan anatomy textbooks, yaz with the hologram in 13x5, and another one i cant remember rn, oh yeah something with the robot master and shalka doctor, but i cant write them so idk. i think it would be fun to write robot sex though)

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

either when i hit post and ao3 tells me i forgot the title (bad titles). or else it just ✨Comes To Me✨ at some point during writing (better titles). not the question but these are my favourite titles: kerblam it!, wondering about the perspective of the person who confuses interbellum with no man’s land, auto-tromperie à deux, or: the double-slit experiment, and the thasmissy one which will be called playing doctor <3

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

s12 fic where yaz gets basically seduced by the master because the master is willing to give her answers the doctor wont. she finds the doctor's phone and they start texting. they both find something in each other that the doctor is unable to give them. the doctor when she finds out is So Mad. shes like hes dangerous!!!!1! but theres this possessive undertone you know? ive had scenes of that on my computer since like summer 2020. it's never gonna get finished but thats okay because i think most of what i thought was interesting about that fic i incorporated into thasmissy in some way. also i think it ended by yaz getting killed by a cyberman and the doctor beating the master to death for it so fkjghjkghgfjh too sad to finish tbh. it wasnt even the master's fault it was both their faults she was angry at herself so she killed him. and then sat with him until he regenerated. while yaz i think, stood there as a cyberman. anyway! fucked up! not my style

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

when im writing some weird gross visceral time stuff and looking in thesauruses and going on etymology dives and finding fun connections between words that i can use to make more subtext. and making up new ways to use words and sentences so i can make them hold more connections. increase the meaning/word ratio you know? thats the most fun

okay bonus found that fic. i had 2000 words. heres how it starts:

It starts with dying.

An endless dark. Without direction or sound or exit. Where air isn’t air and she doesn’t know how she’s still breathing. Where she can’t be alive because she can’t feel her heart beating.

“Okay, PC Khan. Nothing to worry about.”

It starts with dying.

It doesn’t end with it.

The Doctor pulls her out.

Its warm in australia. The heat crowds around her when she steps out of the glass cage, lapping at her hands, her face, curious, tentative, playful.

A Soft grip on her arms guides her to a chair, to reality, to being alive.

Someone presses a cup of tea into her hands. Large brown concerned eyes ask her if she's hurt.

She later learns his name is o. She later learns it isnt.

and this is how it ends:

His eyes switch to her as soon as he realises what this result of their actions is. Eyes big and hungry, apprehensive on the edges, mouth twitching but never reching a grin. Both stock still her eyes are still on the cyberman. One breath. Two breaths.

His eyes widen slightly when her attention shifts to him. Eyes dark and pushed too far like the chasm beyond the cliff. When she steps forward theres no delay in his step back.

Silence as the only witness of the last two children of gallifrey. The physical sounds of a body breaking and abody being broken.

Sound of breath and fists and one scream when she breaks his arm.

When she stumbles off of him, sitting where she lands, stopping moving further rather than sitting, silence still her only witness, he hasnt moved in a while, hasnt made a sound in a while. She watches until he starts glowing. Then she gets up and and without looking back walks away.

She finds the cyberman who was yasmin khan and says with a voice that is the oppoiste of what her hands just did, tender and regretful and soft, "yaz" because they were friends. And because no other words she will ever string together will be enough to make okay what she did to her. But the words press to her lips anyway. sorry doesnt change what she did. Sorry would be an insult.

"Your family will know"

Im sorry

"You wont be forgotten"

Im sorry

"You deserved better than you got"

Than i did to you. Im sorry

"Thank you yaz."

Im sorry

"Goodbye"

Im sorry

"And im sorry"

She zaps her sonic and the cyberman falls.

[slowdripsunrise]

BOOK REVIEW AGAINNNNNNN yippee i have actually been reading... not a lot but well i am ! kinda forgot about this blog ok thats not true i was just lazy and didnt want to write a post. well anyways heres a big post for all the stories i read there are 4 - things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eric larocca, paradise rot by jenny hval, soft science by franny choi, and the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard ! spoilers under the cut

ok first i read things have gotten worse since we last spoke because i wanted to go on a little kick of reading weird crazy people books at 3 am. and i did! chose this one because i saw it was very short so. anyways i thought this was.... okay. i think what made it a little worse off for me is that i already knew about the whole parasite thing from tiktok, so it wasnt that crazy to me when it actually happened. gonna be honest i do Not remember how the book ends at all so i dont even know if it was satisfying or not. was my experience worsened by it being 3am and me not having any thoughts at all? probably. would i do it again? yeah. i was a lil bit disappointed in the apple peeler part too... i thought it was going to be more relevant than it was unless there are some hidden symbolism meanings motifs going on that i didnt get... actually now that im thinking about it big long unbroken peels of apple + a big long probably worm-like parasite? next to each other thats kinda cool. other than that thought i literally just had now typing this out i didnt see anything else. omg speaking of seeing the tagline and also its mentioned in the book, "what did you do today to deserve your eyes?" crazy ass fuck sentence. i kinda love it actually and this is maybe where i would have like to see the apple peeler come in. she takes the apple peeler to her face and peels her eyes out of her head idk. also i feel like either on tiktok/goodreads they were supposed to be ballerinas? but that wasnt mentioned at ALL? i might be misremembering but that also could have been a cool little anecdote. anyways all this to say i thought the book was alright. i was entertained for like 2 hours. my favorite part of this experience was going on goodreads after and seeing a one star review of the book that just said "men stop writing trauma porn about lesbians." which is SO FUCKING FUNNY. because 1 im pretty sure the author is nonbinary, so hes not a man. 2. WHO IS GETTING OFF TO THIS. sorry i do absolutely not see any fetishization here, and also i think they write stories like this in like collections,, so there are probably people other than lesbians in them. idk i just thought that was funny. jesus christ this is getting long and i'm only 1/4 done. i pity anyone who opens this.

next i read paradise rot by jenny hval, which i had heard was dubbed the "bisexual piss book" intriguing and also a short little story i read at 3am. i did like this one, i thought it was fun and interesting and im a big fan of rot. just in general. vibes were on point. this book was moist. however, not as much piss as i expected. as in like quantities on page. they did talk about piss a lot and by they i mean the narrator. not as horror-esque as i thought it would be but i did like it! ohhh to simply rot away...... would not recommend this to normal people and i like that about it.

soft science by franny choi !!!! really liked this! im going to be honest i do not remember more than one poem from this collection. but i do remember liking them !!! sorry i think i need to train my brain to like and remember poetry more. and not just like the ones from tumblr webweaves even though all of them slay.

finally i read the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard. i liked this, thought it was super interesting,,, ok i didnt think it was super interesting i thought it was good. god i am trying to program myself out of academic reviews of stupid dumbass books i was forced to read. this isn't like that at all. anyways i thought the whole grief aspect was done very well, the sadness at knowing literally nothing will work or come together to make your life go back to the way it was, go back to being whole again. and that deep deep sadness of not only losing their daughter but also the life they had before, the life they had with each other,,, losing all hope. it definitely got to me i did almost cry i think. i think i have more to say about this but i don't remember it. oh well. i thought the vibes of a hostile small mountain town were cool ! i think one of my favorite scenes was when the lavoie's kid falls from the antenna and they are just standing there doing nothing and simon has to go save him... idk the fact that they were shown as perfect parents for their perfect children and how not great they actually were <- this thought is dumb and obvious you get what im saying. one of my main issues is that the ending did feel rushed... and i was a bit confused,,,, the last line "a bird starts to sing" i couldn't tell if that was meant to be marie and simon hearing birds in the afterlife, in the woods by the bowling alley? or was that just the birds in the town finally starting to sing? because if its the latter i don't really get how simon and marie dying would bring the birds back.. the town is still dying and tragedies will still happen... idk its probably the birds in the afterlife but oh well. ok final thought i think but i think the title in french is interesting. it's called "ici, ailleurs" which means "here, elsewhere" or more like "here, something better. here, a new beginning." i like that, obviously it's what the book is about, and idk i think the translator did a good job at conveying the message. i think i would read this book again but in french, mostly to practice because my french is shit but i think since it only really stays in one setting, there's not a lot of characters, concepts are pretty easy to understand, i think it would be fun !!!! ok im done those are my reviews of all the books ive read in the past week or so thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing you are crazy. peace and love

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

okay so. im like. idk ANY music theory. like. at all apart from when i played the piano for a couple years when i was like 7. so. this is definitely the ramblings of a guy who is being very autistic about bug video game. and nothing more. (and also has been done before i am purely doing this for @exnihilo-comic​ bc they asked me on my thoughts) BUT. i am sooooo fucking insane about the hollow knight ost. (LONGGGG post below the cut)

SO LIKE. theres OBVIOSULY the like. main theme yknow. thats in enter hallownest and the title screen song. the one that goes likeeee errr. (wait i gotta look up smth rq)

OKAY SO THERES THIS. (just taken from here) :

anddd theres this :

WHICH is like. yknow. the whole Big leitmotif of. Everything. BUT. the thing is. i was wondering which songs specifically it is in. bc like. im hoping its not just. hallownest’s motif. and more for smth specifically. BUT YEA. so so far theres obviously the title screen and enter hallownest (which is the trailer music im p sure ?)(ok yea it was the ferocious foes trailer music). BUT. im gonna go thru all the songs n see which ones have this in (i will not be accurate as im going by ear since errrrr. im not the best at reading sheet music)

okay well dirtmouth (taken from here) IMMEDIATELY has the theme in it (with the bit in red missing)

it is clearly slower n in a dif key but like. the same theme

and pretty much most of the melody of dirtmouth is like. essentially this same theme. just a loaddd slower. and in a dif key. im not gonna screenshot each comparison and try to pinpoint each difference bc. like ive said, idk music theory. i just like video game osts.

okay so crossroads is a little more difficult but to me it sounds like it possibly has the same chord progression ? but i may be speaking out my arse so someone who actually knows what theyre talking abt could draw comparisons.

altho i DO want to talk abt the crossroads track. this is the part where i start bullshitting FULLY. so like smth i LOVE abt it is how very drawn out each note is. like it sets the scene of hk PERFECTLY. its like. the track feels a lot more loose ? i suppose ? than the other songs you wouldve heard by now. which ig feels like it rlly shows how sorta. abandoned and like. i mean “forgotten” the “forgotten” crossroads rlly r. like they have no sorta form left but its clear that crossroads was once a place w a lot more life in it besides the handful of npcs u meet there (well like. yknow. uninfected life). but the one thing abt the crossroads track is that it sounds. calm yknow. which does reflect the crossroads compared 2 the other locations. the enemies there r simple enough to defeat and theres plenty of safe spots. its right under dirtmouth so its (before its infected) the safest area a player will explore for a whileeee. anyways ye the crossroads track is cool.

okay w the false knight battle theme i wasnt RLLY gonna say anything abt it BUT. it does actually have the main theme in it.

(link)

sooo yea so far the only connection ive made is Almost Every Song Has This Theme In It.

oh also in the false knight theme there is this ONE bit that sounded a little like the very beginning of the mantis lords theme to me but idk theyre not the CLOSEST just similar.

anyways next song: greenpath. so i THINK its happened again and THE WHOLE BIG LEITMOTIF IS ONCE AGAIN HERE.

like dirtmouth it is slower and in a different key but thats definitely it. which honestly was unexpected i didnt think it was in any area music. so once again, i think this is in literally almost EVERY track so thats making me more wonder abt the tracks its NOT in. but ill come to that later maybe. what i do want to know is if theres anything else in greenpaths track thats in another song. what im thinking is perhaps therell be a similarity between greenpath and hornets battle music ?

okay this sorta call and response thing here is interesting to me because it sounds veryyyy familiar to me. (everytime i have heard it tho it just sounds like either hornets voice at some point or when sly says gibolen mas sooo take this as u will. i am however listening 2 a couple of hornets lines and the closest i think there is is when she says la fe nuva nido or whatever that gibberish is) anyways the call and response interests me.

anyways more abt greenpaths song in general terms, i do love how this one feels a lot more full of life than crossroads, because crossroads felt very barren w the blue and the brick(?) whereas greenpath is full of life, just in the sense of scenery. its (obviously) a lot greener and full of plant life which already feels loads more alive. and the enemies there also arent simply just husks (AND EVIL SAP MONSTERS) theres like. theres moss creatures and fucking squits and those shooty wall things and just a whole lot more life, and that is reflected very well in the track bc it sounds a lot more full and like it has actual emotion. and even the battle theme (like where u fight the moss knight) is a lotttt more emotional and tense than crossroads’ - which feels a lot more like just sorta. primal fear what with a beat that sounds almost like a heartbeat and the repetitive drums. but greenpaths battle theme is a LOT more lively and dance-like and it has DEPTH. idk i thinkkk im rambling a little but i do love greenpaths contrast with crossroads

OKAY. hornets battle theme. smth obviously noticed a lot before is her theme is comprised of only string instruments (yknow bc. shes a spider n uses a needle and will star in SILKsong so like. yeah. string) ONCE AGAIN. the main motif is in this song surprise surprise. (link)

altho smth interesting abt it is how it changes depending on which half of the theme is playing. for the first half the er. whatever u call the top bit i forgot. is playing it (and im prettyyy sure its a violin or viola or smth similar). but then it switches to the er. bottom line. and is played by a perhaps cello ??? smth lower than the first instrument. and different. which i think is a nice little thing AND is similar to the call and response from greenpath.

thats p much all i can say in terms of “technical” stuff BUT. in terms of vibes. I love how perfect this is for hornets fight. it definitely reflects how shes a lot more agile than the false knight and depends less on pure strength and more on her movement in the arena. i love how very fast paced it is AND HOW HAPPY IT IS. it is a VERY happy piece because hornet is ENJOYING HERSELF. bc yes her and ghost r fighting but she never wants to HURT it (even if i DIED to her like. a million times.) and WE never hurt her, we just beat her (and if ur a speedrunner, bully her in a corner) but she laughs during the fight, she has silly little battle cries, shes having a FUN TIME. which is shown in the music bc its CONSISTENTLY HAPPY. also the very sharp and sorta staccato (see i know SOME music terminology) notes throughout r veryyy fitting for the fights pacing and hornets attacks.

Okay this has been sitting in mt drafts for a bit and idk i might rb w add ons but j think i was just on smth else that night bc ive never been like. In the Mindset(tm) to do more of this. Ok. Have fun exnihilo person. Yea.

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Welcome Home (Part 5)

ok so bc tumblr has a fucking limit to 30 photos per post i had to make a part 5

continuation under the cut

I AM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND I ACTUALLY GOT THE PASSWORD CORRECT

so i looked at the worksheet and was like 'ok so the answers are Barnaby, Sally, Poppy, Julie and Wally'

and since the code is 5 characters i just took the first letter of their names, in all caps and put it in

AND THEN BAM HERE I AM

idk if this is the only code that works or if there's other codes that lead to different things but i found one of them !!!

its a distorted version of the exhibition page

THERES FUCKING PICTURES HOLY SHIT DUDE

i read the text aloud and lost my mind and now my brother thinks im crazy LMAOAOAOOAO

ok so !! who wrote this the text on the distorted exhibition page AND the actual page full of possible password combinations

also the person's monologue was about hearing a phone ring and ring but being unable to answer it

then the upside down blacked-out text feels like its Wally just because it's like 'ring ring hello can you hear me call back soon'

and whoever the haunted-by-phone-ringing person is said that they had a dream of Wally holding a phone and calling them

time to look at the pictures

the photos are of a... messed-up version of the exhibition? pretty sure its the exhibition

maybe the person is the Question-Answerer

i think this picture and some of the other ones are behind the 'staff only' curtain that you can see here

oh yeah it definitely is you can see the black ink on the wall behind the cover of the other side !!

that black spiral thing, like from underneath Home in The Neighborhood page

oh my god

yeah ok so definitely i think the person who was looking for the password was the Question-Answerer or one of their staff

also the '~ Wally Darling' thats underneath the response email ???? oh holy shit dude

well the sticky note explains why the video of someone using the telephone in the exhibition was wearing a glove

oh hey its that one drawing of Frank

alright so the sticky note,,, i think it says "This art was NOT in the shipment PLEASE stop using the work printer to prank me" maybe ??? probably something like that at least

this is so cool

also you can see a paint roller so someone from the staff there, probably the person who said they 'tore up the workspace' when looking for a ringing phone (Question-Answerer?)

also the blacklight stuff is interesting

whatever was in the safe was supposed to be the prize for getting the worksheet answers correct so,,, maybe when u got it correct they brought u in here like 'hey sorry cant give u the prize rn cuz its in a safe lol here' or smth ?!?!??!

oh yeah i think thats a blacklight on the table too

also !! i noticed a toy telephone but it looks like it attaches to those square toys from my childhood ?!??!

like these things but they were square

also on the right wall on the back of the picture is a printed picture of that drawing of Wally sitting on a really high chair

and there's a tv and a book!! its cover is like that one that Clown Illustrations used in their announcement of the site coming back up !!!

so fascinating

ah thats why they have a blacklight

there's a link at the bottom of the email

i know its not a virus bc i dont think Clown or anyone who worked on this would do that but i am afraid to open it

gonna do it anyways

ok the link isnt loading for me LOL so nevermind that i guess

so the written stuff u can see on here is VERY interesting

maybe it wasnt the Question-Answerer spiraling to get the safe code but THIS is the Question-Answerer wondering what the fuck is going on

they seem to have a thing about thinking people are pranking them

there's also some hidden faded text that i can just barely see you could probably see it with a blacklight in real life but i think you might have to edit this photo to see it

unfortunately i dont have the tools to do that LOL so well. i'll just see if someone else has i guess

hm

the style of pages between the 'password please' one and the 'am i being pranked by everyone' is different

and there's TWO notebooks

the one sent by the WHRP team and the Question-Answerer's notebook

so i think the page that didnt have lines (password please) belongs to the red notebook?

ok nevermind i was wrong

that open notebook makes me think its of the red notebook so then

ok THIS is definitely from the red notebook so actually maybe the other open page one was from the brown notebook???

i can barely read the text on the letter lol

i really wish i could have gone to this exhibit and seen all this in person for myself <//3

i wonder if it was even possible for guests to access this area tho lol

handprints on the wall

its the safe!! and that one drawing of Wally !!!

oh you can see the square pyramid telephone from closer here

also that script at the side is the same script from that one secret link

also a tv !! i wonder what we'll see on it if it will ever be fixed

so fascinating

these are printed emails, so who's putting that text in the blacklight?

ah!!! its clickable !! the 'it's in here' !!

leads to this

how odd

OH STARS

audio with a tab titled 'soon'

its audio of Wally saying 'let me in' how fascinating

im so excited to get all these audios and work out the order cuz i know its gonna be fucking crazy

unfortunately thats gonna be all because i have to sleep now !! but im sure i'll finish going through the website tomorrow for sure !! goodnight

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[zontiky]

au where the apocalypse was never a threat or a concept to begin with

*cracks knuckles* now i could make this a decent upbringing au OR i could make it EXTREMELY COMPLICATED and you know me you know exactly what im about to do ;)

reginald THINKS he’s prepping them all for the apocalypse but reginald is a child-abusing FOOL and an alien BASTARD and there’s no apocalypse there never was there never will be. the world is safe and sound but the hargreeves children aren’t.

five runs away from home and gets thrown into april 1st, 2019. the world is thriving. he did it. he tries to get home but he can’t because he’s stuck and im now realizing that everyone reading this post has seen a million fics with this exact concept but FUCK YOU THIS IS MY CITY NOWWW

so he’s stuck in 2019 and he’s like ah fuck ah SHIT what now! and goes to the academy and it’s not like he was super far away from it in the first place. he didn’t even make it a mile away it’s like a 5 minute walk back home lmao

now because reggie thinks there IS an apocalypse he still killed himself and i hate him a lot so cough ahem anyway

five shows up on the mansion and expects dad to be sitting there in his office, doing his evil dad evil villain thing yk the drill

but instead he comes in to an empty house. mom is unresponsive. he cant find pogo (dont ask where pogo is. hes doing monkey butler things ok). and diego is climbing in through the window

five freaks out because WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU THIS IS MY HOUSE and jumps diego and diego goes down HARD because WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MY DEAD BROTHER?? MY BROTHER WHO DISAPPEARED 17 YEARS AGO?? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKKKK

so they try to beat the shit out of each other for a second and by that i mean five tries to beat the shit out of diego whos gained his senses by now and is trying to convince his brother (his BROTHER) that technically he lives here too please stop punching me

luther comes downstairs.

“IS THAT FIVE???”

“SHUT UP AND HELP ME THIS LITTLE FUCKER CAN PUNCH”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

they manage to calm him down when five catches sight of diegos tattoo

WAIT I FORGOT THAT THE FUNERAL WAS BEFORE APRIL FUCK NEVERMIND SCRAP THE PAST 13 BULLETS ABORT MISSION

so five lands in april, goes to the house, and by then the hargreeves have cleared out and are back to doing their own thing more or less. he comes up to the door and grace (pogo has fixed her by now because i said so) welcomes her son back home like he never even left

she gives him a hug

reginald is gone and she hasnt seen her sun in years and dammit, he deserves that hug okay? she gives him a hug.

five pulls away. mom hasnt hugged him for years because he stopped letting her and he’s not about to change his mind now

“where’s everyone?” he asks. he doesn’t even consider that everybody is gone, because where would they go? or maybe it just hasn’t hit him exactly which time he jumped into, maybe he still hasn’t made the connection exactly what age his siblings are now, maybe he has but he still hopes he can deny it for a little while longer

grace wants to hug him again but she refrains. she calls his siblings

one by one, in the span of the next week, she gets ahold of them and calls them back to the academy. “important news,” she says. “you’ll want to -- you’ll need to be here,” she says. “your brother,” she says, and her children listen and come back home

luther is at the academy when five gets here. because, where would he go? he can’t go back to the moon, and dad is gone, and he’s never even been on a bus alone before, where would he go?

when five sees him for the first time he almost cries, because he’s so much bigger and taller and older and what happened to him??

this is his new reality. this is the new luther

but it isn’t, it can’t be, because five is going to get back home and he’s going to fix it, he’s going to fix this and he’s going to grow up just like his siblings did, and it won’t even be long before he’s back home almost two decades ago.

vanya is next to arrive, and five almost -- almost -- smiles at her and gives her a hug and teases her how she’s still shorter than him, but she has such a blank expression on her face and the way she looks between the portrait of him (he hated that portrait from the beginning, he wanted to burn it because hes back now, isnt he? and he’ll go back home and not leave again, but pogo didnt let him) stops him. it will only be a couple of days and he’ll be going home already, he tells grace, so maybe the others dont even have to come here. she nods and smiles and says nothing

diego comes a day or so later, dragging klaus along, and five is stunned by how they look once again. diego looks battle-hardened and angry like he never did just last week, five’s last week, but now he scowls and doesn’t stutter and dresses himself in black and he lives alone and diego looks so lonely but five doesnt think about it because its not his business and he knows better and its diegos own damn fault for cutting contact, isnt it? and even if it weren’t five will go back and fix it all

five knows klaus has been doing things for a good year or so know, but this -- living on the streets, giggling even as diego forces him inside, making lewd jokes with his eyes out of focus -- he couldn’t have even imagined. he stamps down the feeling of i should have been there to help stop him and doesn’t think how sad and angry at their father seeing klaus like this makes him feel, instead he forces thoughts of it’s his own fault he ended up this way and i’m going to get back and fix this (but that’s not a thought he has to force. he will. he has to. it won’t even be another week before he figures out how to get home)

allison gets there next. she took the first plane she could get on to get home and pushed off all her appointments but she had a family emergency just last week and it was hard to get away and she looks so sad even when she opens her arms for a hug and five cant help but relent and give her one. diego scoffs and allison lets loose a dig thats more of a barb thats more of a sharp sentence splitting the air and hitting her brother square in the chest. five doesnt say anything but his stomach twists. just a week or so and he’ll fix it because even as children they never said things like that to each other

he waits for ben to come last. he must be the most adjusted of them all, right? ben read a lot last five saw of him, and hes one of the smartest of them, and secretly five always thought that ben deserves to have friends that he doesnt live with

ben doesnt come

he asks mom and she smiles and he asks the others and they look away and he asks again and someone -- and it doesnt matter who because his ears are ringing and hes stumbling back and falling onto the couch -- says that ben died. ben died years ago.

ben died four years after five left

fives head is spinning and he needs to get back, he needs to stop it he needs to fix it he needs to make it all better because it was never supposed to be this way

(you thought this would be a happy au didnt you?? haha bitch think again)

(it is but they have to get there smhhh)

klaus laughs and elbows the air next to him and five asks, he doesnt beg, he asks him if he can summon ben

everyone scoffs. rolls their eyes. klaus is high as a kite and hes holding a bottle of whiskey and he looks like he hasnt been sober in days. weeks. years. and he’s a liar and ben is gone for real, im sorry, five. i know this must be hard for you

that can’t be right. five wasnt there for all of klaus’ lies and stealing and drunken sobbing. five remembers klaus rolling a joint at the breakfast table like it was last week -- and it was, it was, he’ll fix it still, but to five klaus is still just his brother. just klaus

he asks, not begs, five doesnt beg but he comes damn close in this moment, to tell him the truth

and klaus looks around and ben whispers please, klaus, just try and five is looking at him with wet eyes and he’s thirteen he’s so young and -- he can’t say innocent. none of them have ever been innocent, not since reginald hargreeves adopted them all those years ago. but five...

he tells the truth. and five believes him

so anyway five cant get back and then they decide well ok five while youre staying here we might as well buy you some clothes. ones that arent literally 20 years old. jesus these uniforms are ugly

my jaw is clenching so hard and im cold asdflksdh so im gonna end this here and maybe rb it and continue lated idk 😳😳

WHOOP this is getting away from me i know u didnt come here for quote poetic unquote bullshit but weihfsdkjdhskf THATS WHAT UR GETTING I GUESS XX <3

[emakenz]

look i know my content is mostly memes and hannibal but lately ive really gotten back into fnaf and sonic

but uh thats not what this is about

SONIC. THE HEDGEHOG POSTING HERE. THIS IS A SONIC POST its about shadow but still

so. We all know how segas two writers ruined so many sonic games and characters and theres still a chance for redemption since theres gonna be new writers soon

but shadow t hedgehog. what the HELL. happened to this guy

We had him go through a whole character arch in sa2, he was a changed hog, and his resurrection in heroes wasnt bad that was mostly on point id say. Now his actual game, the game that centered around him. Hear me out. That wasnt shadow. Theres the multiple endings with different outcomes and such and honestly, i find that that makes his character much more confusing for people who havent taken the time to really know the hog in his original form ya kno. So take this shit.

Ever since his own game came out, shadow was not his original form, he was actually a clone. Ya see, heres my timeline for this concept,

Sa2-Heroes has the Real Shadow, who goes on into Sonic 06

Literally Every. Other. Game. He is a clone. One of the androids. While it really wouldnt make too much sense, his character change in later games doesnt either, so in the next releases of new games, if he were to go back to how he was in sa2, heroes, and 06, we could just chalk it all up to him taking back his place from that clone. The actual sonic timeline is wack as fuck so trying to piece together this all in depth would take forever. The canon for the sonic series varies from different angles which makes it so much more confusing. I really wish i could just. Hop on into sega hq and take over for writing the characters for now on fr

Tails isnt a pussy nor a stuck up brat, sonic isnt as much of a jerk and not everything revolves around him, knuckles isnt stupid and hes also still guarding the master emerald with some exceptions, amy isnt sally so stop making her take her place and give her an original character personality, silver should be in his own timeline like back in the future where everythings good with some exceptions, blaze should be in her original dimension with some exceptions, we need to see more of side characters instead of everything centering on sonic, big the cat needs a comeback, i already stated my thoughts on shadow being edgy and vegeta for sonic now which is just rude on the writers part for changing him into that. Seriously how about we take infinite and give him a good comeback to take Grumpy Shadows place and have shadow go back to how hes supposed to be. So sonic can not only have his own vegeta, but a vegeta thats too weak to defeat him, so itd be a win win for sega. Also give infinite a better character arch its cringe dude so cringe.

And figure out what damn planet the series takes place in. I prefer earth since, you know, eggman is a human (i think he is for all i know hes just some bipedal egg). Mobius can still exist but flesh it out more, give it more depth like the sdw comics.

I could go on but i think my point stands. This series needs some work and i would willingly join in on fixing it up for free just so i can finally feel at peace.

also who the FUCK drew this art?

This art is normal, its fucking awesome, but my question remains only because i have NEVER seen that pose for Shadow. Homie has NEVER done that where did that come from. Literally all the other art has existed for years but for some reason you made a new shadow picture? Im not complaining im just confused. This art hasnt been shown before i dont think. Ive studied this character and his design i know his official art poses and this aint one of them. I dont think yuji uekawa made this one. The rouge and omega, they look the same, those have existed, seen them before. But the shadow...

Idk man its just baffling i wanna know who made it and why they added it to this when most if not all of the other pics are kinda old. Im not upset im just confused tho i do rlly like it

[olde-scratch]

So I watched LUCIDS 1-4 without any prior knowledge...

and here were my thoughts. I didn’t watch any backstory or anything so enjoy my suffering.

PART 1

“So what happens when the people inside of their dreams go to sleep?” They die

“What happens when we wake up? Do they go on living while we’re not there?” THEY DIE-

“Who are they anyway?” they’re faces that our brain catalogs and stores for later use, although it’s also arguable that every time we dream we go to an alternate reality and inhabit the body of another version of ourselves. Now, were you in a car accident and trapped underwater or-

Are they twins?

(Me tuning out to do something)

“-the squirrel in spongebob was your soulmate, making you a Sandy simp-”

Me, snapping back to the video: hold up-

[missed the part about the worksheet, realized it when i rewatched 10 mins later to make this post]

yall speakin gibberish idk what youre saying-

“I’m gonna go to bed.” bro it literally looks like morning-

“You should get some sleep you look terrible.” i get six hours of sleep a night minimum and i look worse than him shut up bro-

“jump into someone else’s dream” ah i know this con-

why they all got the same face-

haha funni meme

“--an interruptiion can create feedback and tear them apart.” Death. I long for thee.

Is that Karl Jacob’s jacket?

“a second grader” makes me think this is a different school system. [i was wrong? i think?]

“[get him to] eat your apple”

[in the dream sequence] weird dream, but ive had weirder. now, Why Pamper’s-

why does he suddenly have a knife-

“You put a filter on the Dreamscape feed?”

“Technically, you are seven years old.”

???????????

the second hand embarrassment is UGGGHHH

[reading the description] you mean like the guy who was knocked out for 2 minutes on a football field and woke to find he’d dreamt 17 years of his life? oh this shall be Fun

PART 2

[I check the description] “jasper cult” what the fu-

how many camp camp references can i make during this

Is the apple a reference to religion or does the creator just really ilke apples?

“meal.”

“meal?”

meal????

Wait why couldn’t that guy eat the apple? If he wanted it in the fruit bowl, wouldn’t there be a chance of the guy eating it anyways?? Why can’t the guy who brought the apple eat it?

well he’s Dead

[debating if I should read the backstory}

n a h h h h h -

Was he gonna feed the dead guy the apple or something? Why is he upset about the apple in this scene???

oooo the grownups are fightinnnngggg

Is he an antagonist?

HE WROTE A BOOK???

oh now i want food

ESTABLISH JUSTICE ENSURE DOMESTIC TRANQUILITYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“I watched all those aforementioned shows” what shows did i miss something what-

man why you gotta hate on her jane austen fanfic let her live bro

string theory! i can get behind that! sorta-

o no he found the memes-

BOY GOT KNOCKED OUT-

kim there’s people that are dying-

is SHE an antagonist?

quinn? calling himself jasper? u sure hes not just nonbinary? is this just a metaphor for transphobic parenting?

“He died... but somewhere, he grew up.” So is your plan to take a Quinn from a different universe and make him your own, thereby robbing another version of yourself from happiness? When does this ever go well?

Yknow most people, when they lose a kid,,,, kinda,,,,,,, dont go on a ceaseless quest to find another version of their kid that grew up without knowing that another version of his mother was invading other peoples’ dreams to find and kidnap him,,,,,,,, like aint u got a therapist-

“Once you get past the point of not knowing what’s real anymore, you realize it doesn’t matter.” Well, I Got Called Out-

PART 3

“you’re real, oliver.”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

“you’ve been infected by the anti-love parasite of Mandadon” the amatonormativity is strong

so anyways ive been infected since birth hbu-

“James Jasperson, creator of Japple” did you mean to Fancy Well-Educated Man in a Black Turtleneck? cause the only FWEMBT i allow near me is prof. hidgens

“are you winning?” says the capitalist

why did you rewind to see his face?? you have the same face????? is this just bc the creator doesnt like working with other people cause in that case same but???????

“it’s a bad idea. i’m not gonna do it.” we’ve all been there. and we’ve all done it.

looks like me trying to study. (i say, a person who has studied a total of five minutes throughout their entire life.)

your “Spartan trial” looks like a bunch of guys standing on a hill pretending to be something they’re not. Let The Man Bring His Snacks.

eat the apple.

is this your first existential crisis or something what a loser lets all point and laugh

“One of you should be spared, the other shall’nt.” did you mean shant or was that a choice-

yall gonna get called out for talking shut UP

“sorry if this is too personal, btw. are you okay?”

me, confused and half understanding what’s going on and also needing to sleep cause its almost one in the morning but wanting to finish what i can find of lucids which i only starting watching cause i saw an animatic of ranboo and dream w audio from it: i don’t know anymore

“i just want my life back... i was gonna get married-” AREN’T YOU LIKE SEVEN-

ay man if this is a sacrificial cult yall gotta get daniel-

UPDATE: I  H A V E  N O T  F O U N D  I T -

“oliver”

I  F O U N D   I  T -

WHICH ONE IS QUINN?? WHO’S JASPER???? WHICH ONE IS BENJAMIN???? I THOUGH BENJAMIN WAS SEVEN BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED WHAT-

oliver. eat the apple.

“Can you still have memories even when you’re dreaming?” One time I woke up to my alarm and fell back asleep and in my dream I remembered that I had class in a few minutes and my dream self woke my real self up so fast I thought I was gonna get whiplash. Anyways, I was late to class bc of my computer but that doesn’t matter.

NOPE I FOUND IT. HERE’S THE AUDIO. THE ANIMATIC ONE. FINALLY.

im thinking car crash. but also maybe murder. but also maybe both? is it raining or was he drowning? is he in a coma? hmmmmmm?

wait olivers the one with the apple does that mean he’s the one dreaming? is the ending gonna be him and jasper (quinn? idk) fighting against ben and mrs hills about jasper eating the apple to save oliver from the dream? hmmmmmmmmmm-

waitwaitwait i thought oliver was 7 how is benjamin 7 years younger than him if they look the same age what what what explain america explain what you mean arkansaw-

are the cuts on his nose plot-relevant or

“What if you hadn’t been driving?” So I was right about the car accident but Mrs. Hills still said he was seven so did i mishear her say that BENJAMIN was seven? but even then oliver would be 14 and that would still be illegal-

“How are you feeling?”

“Like you’re a pretty bad therapist.”

mood

“--it makes it all bearable to have power over the stories we write in our heads” that’s why i write fanfiction

HE’S GOT THE NOTEBOOK HE’S GONNA WRITE SOMETHING ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

WHAT YOU MEAN AN EXPERIMENT THAT’S HIS NAME-

[upon reading the description] so i was right.

wait was that supposed to be the twist in part 2 about the apple in his pocket is that what the existential crisis was about i thought it was because he was introduced to the multiple worlds theory-

PART 4

wait wasnt the other one january 2018 why we going back to 2017-

appol

“--the future and the past all already exist” mhm yep figured this out long ago

there was simultaneously a point in time in which i hadn’t known about this, had been looking it up, had been watching it, and had been writing an ending to this post, and had been posting it the next morning before class. that time is both now and not now. Welcome To The Multiverse Theory or whatever its called-

“--my favorite scene of the movie is waking up next to you.” Mine is eating fast food as I listen to AJJ and play Minecraft. We are not the same.

Now I’m hungry but it’s 1 in the morning and i already put my retainer in god fu-

[reading description] what do you mean previously??? she did that in the first episode????????

[still on description] WHAT DO YOU MEAN WILL QUINN BITE THE APPLE AND GO TO BENJAMINS REALITY ISNT THIS OLIVERS REALITY AND HE HAS TO GET BEN TO BITE THE APPLE WHY IS APPLE CAPITALIZED IS THIS THE DOING OF THE FWEMBT

i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have wa-

[description] oh ive been spelling quinn right the whole time nice

i hope she rejects you /j

WAIT BENJAMIN WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE

ISNT HE IN SECOND GRADE-

HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD HOW IS HE GETTING MARRIED ARE THERE TWO BENJAMINS THAT WE’RE FOCUSING ON-

bro get out of the road ull get hit

how do you knOW WHICH ONE IS QUINN THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON-

so

wait

hills wants ben to feed quinn the apple bc in his mind, that will give hills and quinn a happy ending and she doesnt want ben to see the apple bc thats gonna mean ben will know that his reality isnt reality at all. so then oliver has to,,,, not let anyone eat his apple? he just has to wake up?

IS HILLS THE VILLAIN AFTER ALL ORRRRR

wait but if ben sees the apple wont he realize that his reality is wrong and his reality will change, making it so that hills doesnt get her son? or is there some time-based rule that says they’re only transported to the reality that the person believes at that moment? or is this another stab at the multiverse thing where an infinite amount of hills gets their happy endings while an infinite amount of hills doesnt and etc etc?

i should have watched the ba-

oooo dramatique

they’re in a time loop?

nope thats a new powerpoint

wait so theyre,,,, no-

wait-

nvm-

IS THE BEN WE KNOW AN ADULT GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE OR NOT-

“they were actually pretty nice” didnt they throw someone off a cliff-

oh so it got confusing THEN??? NOT BEFORE?????

“it all seemed so real.” is that Not the point of vivid REM sleep hallucinations-

is oliver gonna show ben the apple and ruin hills’ whole operation

WHO ARE ALEX AND RYAN-

“what’s 25-8″ bro dont do this to me-

yep hes gonna show the apple

ayyy the guy who stole karl jacobs jacket it back

the second hand embarrassment is back and I Hate It

all that happens in episode ONE??? bro get some better writers that is bad pacing

“it’s the best!” wait until season eight. no show has a good season eight.

quinn knows about the apple thing w the dreams and multiverse and realities dont he

YOU KILLED HIM

NOT KARL JACOBS NOOOOO HES ALREADY DIED ONCE

oliver is v relatable

wHaT iN tArNaTiOn-

lemme hear that explanaton again-

is bill cipher gonna show up? i hope bill cipher shows up. i miss gravity falls

“ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” moooooooood

did hills murder quinn

is your family the jasper cult

TOXXIICCCCCC get that lady out of your life quinn that is so toxic

“ ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!  ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S THE END NO WHAT WHY NO

The Adventures of Benjamin and Oliver

he is Not Good

ope-

wait so ben is equal parts an adult AND a child?? okay that clears a lot up

I MEAN HE WAS RIGHT THO BEN U CAN’T REALLY ARGUE ON THAT-

ew get off the floor

butterfly effect, multiverse theory, memory decay, and your imagination ALL exist yall gonna ignore that cause you wanna be famous?

“We already know what the future looks like!”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

to add to the list of bad things: Cats (2019)

YA BOI THINKS IT’S NOT ALREADY FIFTY YEARS TOO LATE TO START FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE FFFFF

BINGO BABYYYY

get what what

what mapped-

awwwww he thinks THEY’RE creating the multiverse

you gonna dismiss the multiverse theory bc of something you created in your current reality? loooserrrrrr

ABUSE YOUR GODLIKE POWERS

she draggin that seven year old

a lot makes sense now why didnt i do this first-

Jasper

the food shortages-

bro that calculators like 90 bucks at walmart

imagine meeting a stranger and they know Everything about your life like that’s gotta be so weird

what’s even weirder is them telling you you’re the deity of a cult that sacrifices animals

THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK WAS-

KARL JACOBS IS DEAD NOOOOOO

ooohhh there’s context for that

OOOOHHHH THERE’S CONTEXT FOR THIS TOOOO

w h a t -

w  h  a  t  -

W   H   A   T   -

Conclusion:

it’s 2 in the morning and i need sleep but hOOOOO MY GODS THAT WAS GOOD IS IT OVER OR NOT IDK ANYMORE IM TIRED THAT WAS CRAZY I HOPE QUINN AND JASPER GO ON TO BE VERY GOOD FRIENDS, AND I HOPE BENJAMIN AND OLIVER STAY VERY GOOD FRIENDS AND I HOPE HILLS FINDS A THERAPIST WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING BUT I ENJOYED IT

if i dream about apples im suing /j /lh

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

Can we PLEASE get some todoroki fluff I miss your writing 🥺

hI IM SO SORRY I KNOW THESE PAST FEW MONTHS IVE BEEN SHIT AT WRITING/POSTING BUT IVE BEEN CONSTANTLY BUSY, also I wrote this like 2 weeks ago at 4 am and I don't even know if it's the kind of fluff you wanted lmao dont mind me 😊 (also I guess this is a college au?)

----

'Do you love me?'

Shoutos eyebrows furrowed at the random text you had sent him late at night, or early in the morning he supposed. You had told him a few hours ago that you were feeling extra sleepy tonight and were gonna head to bed early, and there was literally an 'I love you too' message above yours, the one he had sent through your nightly 'I love you' before bed. But apparently that wasnt enough.

'Of course I do, why?'

He tried focusing his attention back onto the show he was watching, but the uneasy feeling in his gut told him that you needed him right now - and he chose to pause the show and impatiently wait for your response. Shouto couldnt help but get slightly annoyed as the 3 dots kept appearing and disappearing, but still, he kept his eyes focused on the bright screen, ready to read whatever it was you were going to send him.

'Just.... Idk... its dumb... I know you love me, I really do, but sometimes I cant help but think you're just staying because you feel bad... it wouldnt be the first time someones used me for affection..."

Shouto found himself staring at your message for a while. Did you think he was using you?

'Baby... you dont really think I'm with you because I feel bad... you know me, I'm not willing to stay with someone for something as dumb as that. I love you y/n, I love you more than anyone I've ever met, please believe me. Do you want me to come over?'

Letting out a long sigh as he sent his reply, he jumped up out of his bed and went to slip his shoes on. Even if you said you didnt want him to come, he was going to.

'No! Well - if you do.... can you come in like an hour?'

'Why?'

'I dont want you to see me crying."

Its official now, hes definitely coming over. He even grabbed an extra hoodie for good measure, knowing that no matter what his hoodie would cheer you up at least a bit. Your apartment was very luckily pretty close by, only a 15 minute walk that he could push down to 10 if he moved quickly - so it wasnt long before a slightly panting Shouto was knocking on your door.

You knew who it was, who else in their right mind would come over at 4am (although you did have some highly crackheaded friends that wouldnt surprise you if they suddenly showed up this late, but right now you just wanted Shouto so you didnt even consider that).

"You weren't supposed to come for another 40 minutes."

Shouto gave you a teasing smile as he made his way through your door, even though your tear stained cheeks and puffy red eyes almost had him tearing up himself. And you really thought he didnt actually love you.

"Hmm really? I didnt notice, I was too busy missing my darling."

Not even giving you the chance to roll your eyes at his remark, he grabbed your hand and pulled you back into your bedroom, barely kicking off his shoes before sitting down and holding out the hoodie he brought for you.

"If you wanna lie down you have to put this on."

This time you were able to fully give him your eye roll, pulling a snicker from his lips - apparently even sad you still found joy in messing with him. Once the hoodie was on, Shouto wasted no time in wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him, falling backwards himself so that you would end up lying on his chest.

"Now, you wanna talk about it baby? Why'd you think that all of the sudden?"

He felt you nuzzle closer into him, your fists bundling up his own hoodie as you breathed in his comforting scent. Even if you were nervous to talk about what going on, Shouto always had a way of keeping you calm.

"I was just thinking about how much my life has changed since I moved here, I guess I was being sentimental. First I was all happy thinking about how I got to meet you and all our friends, and how I felt included and cared about for once. But then I remembered my whole reason for moving out here in the first place - before college, no one gave a damn about me. Not my parents, not my friends, no one. I realized how many people that were close to me had never cared about my wellbeing, but stayed because they knew that I would care about theirs. So I moved here for a new start, hoping I'd find people who did care, and I did! But I cant help but wonder if they only care because they're using me too..."

Shouto rubbed your back gently as you rambled on, listening intently to every word you said. It hurt hearing you say these things, he knew you didnt have much back home, but he didnt think that you had really never had people genuinely care about you.

"Baby, you're with good people now. We all love you, even Katsuki loves you. And you better get it through that thick skull of yours that I absolutely adore you. No one here is using you, and if they are you know I will not hesitate to beat the shit out of them."

He smiled when he heard your soft giggle, happy he was able to help lift your spirits.

"Shouto, you cant just go beating people up."

"I can if they hurt you."

"Only if they punch me or something. Otherwise, no. I cant risk you getting actually hurt."

Shouto didnt respond to that, instead pulling you closer into his chest and rolling onto his side, lacing your legs together and making it so that you couldnt leave even if you wanted to as a soft smile made it's way onto his face.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah babe?"

"I love you. More than anything."