#i wasnt gonna post this here but someone mention that i kept putting them in paintings and heres the latest one hfjsj

[papiercranes]

don’t go

embrace by malcom liepke

[homieswithhades]

why steve rogers returning to the past was wrong

disclaimer: im clearly a stucky enthusiast, but please, do not be thrown off by that. i admit, there may be undertones of bias because of that in the following, but i did my best with trying to lay out the facts and draw logical conclusions, so do please give me a chance. also, i may have accidentaly omitted some moments and some quotes may not be 100% word for word, as my memory lowkey sucks. ALSO this is NOT a peggy hate post!! i think shes a dope and underrated character and quite frankly she was done dirty. but i also definitely h8 the trope of badass woman falls for the hero.

first and foremost, every sane person knows endgame was complete and utter bullshit when dealing with steves character, so this post will be more for you to maybe show (and hopefully convince) some stubborn friend or family member. nice, concise (not) and including proof from the movies (+a few tweets and stucky undertones, if u dont fw that i respect it but bucky is an integral part to steves character regardless of how u interpret their relationship) here is why steves character development was thrown away at the end of endgame.

let us begin at looking at the cap trilogy.

in ca:tfa it should be noted that steve had no one to return to in the 40s, except bucky. i believe steves relationship with peggy was no where near as developed as it should have been to elicit him returning exclusively for her. as we are aware, steves driving force has absolutely always been bucky. bucky was there for steve after his parents died, when he was sick, and always protected him from whatever trouble he got himself into. "until the end of the line" right? steves relationship with peggy was forced and short lived, literally, we're talking a matter of months here. i need to keep emphasising the important disparity between bucky and peggy, as it is absolutely key in this whole argument. steve dropped everything and went against every order just to even attempt to save bucky. even the slightest chance of him surviving being captured was enough for steve to break into a hydra camp and free the 107th division. steve even had the chance to capture zola, one of the main villains and masterminds of the war, but again, steve prioritised bucky. when theyre trying to escape the exploding hydra camp, the exchange between steve and bucky is critical. steve says "go! get out of here!" as all he wanted was bucky escaping safely. he put bucky's life over his own (this wasnt the first time he did this, nor the last) but bucky rooted himself to the spot, and yelled back "no, not without you!". they both escaped safely as we know, and then steve gathers the howling commandos to take down the red skull. bucky then falls off the train, nd steve blames himself for his death, even visibly crying over it twice. steves morals went from "i dont wanna kill anyone. i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" before buckys death, to "i wont stop until all of hydra are dead or captured" after. stuff happens and steve defeats the red skull and is now in control of the flying ship with the bombs. he connects the comms with peggy and she tries to convince him theres another way to disarm the ship. steve was so dedicated at that point he didnt even want to hear it. he didnt even attempt to do anything to ensure his survival. this alone proves, peggy was not important enough to him to return to.

next is ca:tws. The stevebucky movie. in the museum, peggy confirms that steve saved the man from the 107th division who eventually became her husband (steve was never in the 107th, just to clarify) i believe her husbands name was daniel sousa (as revealed in the marvels agents of shield show) steve then finds out peggy is alive and talks to her. she, in short, tells him she's lived her life, and it was his turn to live his in the time hes in. the "my best girl" line was unnecessary and out of place; again, steve barely knew her. again, shit goes down, and steve finds out the winter soldier is bucky and immediately drops everything, and becomes dead set on saving him. not killing, not imprisoning, but saving him. no matter the cost. "he saw me, and he didnt even know me" "hes not the kind you save, hes the kind you stop. he won't recognise you" "he will." god, steve KNEW bucky would recognise him. regardless of the brainwashing, steve managed to break through the barrier hydra fought so hard to drill into buckys mind. nothing ever broke him out of that state exept for steve. "im not gonna fight you, youre my friend." "youre my mission" "then finish it. cos im with you till the end of the line." [[good fucking lord let me break out of my essay-esque semi professional format here and just say how fucking heartbreaking those lines are. oh my god. read them, over and over until it hits you.]] steve shows us again, that he is willing to not only die for bucky, but literally die by his hand. he would let bucky kill him. he'd dropped his shield. he didnt fight back. steve always, always, ALWAYS got up and fought back. always. exept that time. the time bucky could have killed him. that scene is the essence of "im with you till the end of the line" because then, it was true. it was true because steve was okay with dying at buckys mercy. theres a difference between sacrificing yourself for the greater good (steve going into the ice), willing to die for someone (steve risking his life multiple times in attempts to save bucky) and finally, being willing to let someone kill you, because you love and trust them so much (hellicarier scene). the difference between peggy and bucky's relationship to steve is that steve may be willing to die for either, but only willing to be killed by one. not to mention, bucky pulled steve from the river. he recognised him. steve broke through 70 years of brainwashing with such impact it literally drove bucky away from hydra out of his own free will.

in between ca:tws and ca:cw its confirmed (im p sure sam says it) that him and steve looked for bucky for two. years. even off screen, bucky was steves priority.

im going to squeeze in 2 points from from age of ultron here, for chronology's sake:

steves worst nightmare, as portayed in the movie, is LITERALLY going back to the 40s and being stuck there (with peggy too??lmfao) and also the quote "family, stability, the man who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. i think another one came out." objectively confirms that steve isn't the man he used to be, and doesnt want to return to the past. aou may have sucked, but that doesn't mean the character development should be thrown away.

ca:cw. hoo boy. steve went against 117 countries and half of his closest friends and colleagues because he believed bucky was innocent of the bombing of the un conference. god, steve quite literally, did everything to defend and protect bucky. though i shall acknowledge that steve did attend peggy's funeral, however, there was no real connotations there other than the fact he was mourning her death (understabdibly so). steve then proceeds to protect bucky for 2 hours 27 mins and 41 seconds to the point where they escape together to siberia after the airport fight. "i dont know if im worth all this steve" "what you did all those years... it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice." "i know. but i did it" again, absolutely heartbreaking quotes if you read it a couple of times and truly understand the meaning of them. steve somewhat indirectly tells bucky yes, yes he is worth all of this. otherwise, he wouldn't be doing it. a quote to support that would be "for the longest time, i always did what i thought was right." (disclaimer this is not a direct quote i deadass couldnt find it to save my life, i belive steve said it at some point during civil war or tws, but the point is, bucky is the only thing that could have shaken steves morals so intensely.) and finally, the most important part of cw, the fight at the end with tony. bucky and steve constantly protected each other. steve kept fighting because he was fighting for bucky. to keep him safe from tony and the world. he got up, time and time again. "i can do this all day." the fact that he said that to tony, some people consider them the closest of friends, proves again, a million times over, bucky is more important to steve than literally anything else, INCLUDING his shield. his mantle. he dropped it and left it like it was nothing, because his priority was bucky. as always.

theres not much to discuss for infinity war other than their hug whicg was honestly just adorable.

mmmmm endgame. i will not go into how much i hate that movie because it would be a rant quintuple the length of this one. in the support group, steve dead ass fucking says "you gotta move on. you gotta move on" and that sentiment was literally forgotten at the end. my main point for endgame is this. people tend to tell me, the reason steve abandoned bucky and went back to be with peggy is because he knew that he was finally safe. :/. if you had half a braincell youd know that's not true. the steve we know, never would have left bucky for good, ESPECIALLY after the "dont do anything stupid until i get back" exchange [[god i want to beat the shit out of the r*ssos]] mostly because, bucky had fucking no one in the time he was living in!!! no family, no friends and most heartbreakingly, no one he could trust. (yes sam was there but were just seeing their friendship develop now in tfatws, all that wasnt there in endgame) and secondly, what made steve think bucky was entirely safe??? half of the worlds population just suddenly reappeared, which as we see now, there were massive consequences for that. i simply believe steve is not that stupid. steve going back was disrespectful not only to his character, but to bucky AND peggy. most importantly, the steve we've been watching since 2011 would NEVER abandon bucky, no matter how safe he thought he was (he visited him frequently in wakanda, the safest place on the planet arguably ffs) especially for such a dumbass and quite frankly, nonsensical reason as going back to be with peggy, who clearly stated to him she moved on, and so should he (which he did. idk endgame writers prolly didnt watch the previous movies :/) its not even debatable. bucky is more important to steve than peggy. even in terms of screentime.

now allow some tweets to speak for me, this one being the absolute most important one:

ladies and gentlefolk, all of the stuff ive said can be summarised in that last line. "it would be contrary to who he is."

heres some more:

and now finally, id like to briefly mention steve and tfatws, so beware of spoilers (writing this as of ep 4 coming out; praying it doesn't age badly)

bucky mentions steve, unprompted, fucking constantly. he clearly isnt over steve leaving, and im hoping that gets acknowledged and talked out in the show.

in conclusion, tl:dr, steve shouldn't have returned to the past and stayed there, it is contrary to who he is, as shown to us through his trilogy and other appearances in the mcu. not to mention the timeline bullshit in endgame makes zero sense in the first place.

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[hhuta]

every day i think about how they changed the le bien qui fait mal and l'assasinphonie choreography so salieri wasn't dancing close with sexy half naked men. do we know why. i have tried and failed to pinpoint an exact time. i feel like im going insane. they no homoed a dance

anon.. i think about that daily too... im so happy someone else loves the original choreos like i do 😭 it took me a while to reply cuz i was on a mission to answer ur questions as best as i could. so... finally... here is what i found out:

first of all if u wanna read my rant about the changes, in general, here are the posts about le bien qui fait mal and l'assasymphonie

second of all "do we know why" is a good question. meaning i dont have an answer dlkjaskl i just now started to learn french so if they ever talked about it in a video, or something... i missed it. so right away im telling u that i can only offer my guesses.

///

starting with LE BIEN QUI FAIT MAL, as i said in that post i linked, i tried to figure out whether they only degayed it for the 2011 proshot or not and i found out that no, the changes were also present in live performances.

then an anon told me massimiliano (the dancer who manhandles salieri) couldnt be at the 2011 proshot recording. i checked the video and he really wasnt there at all, but that still doesnt fully explain things, bc as u will see from my extensive, very professional research, unlike in the 2011 proshot, in live 2011 shows massimiliano was there, performing, in other parts of the musical. just not during lbqfm. i know he is an irreplaceable icon, so much that i couldnt find a single video where he wasnt the one manhandling salieri (even tho other dancers, from other parts of the choreo, kept switching), but to me its now clear that that was not the case. they really just decided to change the choreo.

so now lets see how it all progressed

for that its helpful to know the dates of mor performances. based on that i was insane enough to watch as many videos as i could to try to pinpoint when the choreo changed. except it wasnt that simple. i quickly found out that a loootttttt of other changes happened before that major one, before massimiliano left. so here it is

THE LBQFM CHOREO CHANGES I NOTICED

03.01.2010 last PDS performance, still the original

6, 26 february 2010 original

11 march 2010 original (massimiliano's skirt fell off 😭)

20 march 2010 original

8 may 2010 original

9 may 2010 not so much the original anymore. this is the first change i've noticed. @1:28 originally its a male dancer who bends back salieri and then there are 2 men and 2 women who .. idk how to describe it, but do that push and pull motion. here one of the guys is not there

(10, 11, 12 no performances)

13, 15, 16 may 2010 now the other guy is gone too, only women left (but the dancer is not really gone. im pretty sure hes there, doing another thing next to them)

(cannot find a video from the 17th, that was the last performance in lyon)

performances at zenith de saint etienne begin at the 21st but i couldnt find a video from it

22 may 2010 original again (sidenote salieri is really unhinged here)

27 may 2010 change. female dancer who's usually interacting with salieri during the first verses isnt there, just massimiliano. not sure if its the same woman who calls him during the bridge and moves him thru the dancers but anyways shes also not there, he walks around alone. so when the Climax happens, again, only massimiliano is there grabbing him

31 may 2010 and 6, 10, 13 and 19 june 2010 another change. the female dancer is back, but during "j'adore l'avoir dans la peau" usually there are two dancers next to him mimicking playing a harp with their bodies but not this time

now the dates that matter the most i cant find a single videeooo 🤡 which are the performances in limoges (25, 26 and 27 june 2010) so all i can say is that

3 july 2010 is the first time i could find that massimiliano wasnt there. aka the degayed choreo. but i cant say if it is the first. also the original choreo for the "j'adore..." part is back again. thats the only performance they did in nancy and its also the last tour performance from 2010. a bunch of people were at the curtain call, even albert cohen was there, so its very weird that massimiliano was absent. im so mad i couldnt find those videos from late june bc all i got is just one video of him not being there, which makes me think he just couldnt be there so they had to change the choreo

9 november 2010 they are back in PDS and its the original again (also this is just for me but he still has the original cravat here. im trying to kill two birds with one stone)

2 december 2010 original (salieris beautiful cravat is gone 😔but this is one of my fave videos)

5, 11 december 2010 still the original

12 december 2010 changes again 😭 "j'adore..." harp dancers are gone again

14 december 2010 they are back <3 (funny video bc mikelangelo forgets to give florent the score)

18 december 2010 NOW HERE ITS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING. a little change. massimiliano is there at the beginning, he drags salieri around but then hes gone before the first verse starts! and he doesnt come back !!! harp dancers are still there tho lmao

19 december 2010 massimiliano is fully gone 🎻 yamin even replaced him during la mascarade, like it happens in the 2011 proshot. i think since this date this change became the standard for a while, before they went back to the original. in the meantime, im guessing its when they shot the 2011 proshot

26 december 2010 still just the female dancer

4, 8 january 2011 still just the female dancer

9 january 2011 still just the female dancer but because it was the last performance in paris, before going on tour again, she has a whip for funsies. also they added, at the end, 2 female dancers sorta removing and quickly putting back salieris coat

28 january 2011 first tour performance, still just the female dancers. and i was not paying attention to this before, but i noticed for the first time in this video the 2 women dancing together, like they show for 2 seconds in the 2011 proshot. lesbian rights <3 i dont think it was part of the original choreo? its hard to tell exactly when they added that bc people usually record salieri, not the dancers, and hes not next to them when it happens (its before the bridge)

4, 5, 6 february 2011 still just the female dancer. but unlike before, this time (but idk exactly when it began) massimiliano was there for other parts of the show; yamin and other people didnt replace him (on the 4th: im pretty sure hes present in l'assasymphonie) (on the 5th: hes in la mascarade, le trublion, etc)

so. they really just changed it. massimiliano not being able to perform wasnt the case. we have to accept that they made a mistake <333 ldkajslk

19, 20, 27 february 2011 the original is back

19, also 19, 20, 23, 26 march 2011 it changed a little again but massimiliano is still there. no one bends salieri back and just one guy and one woman do the push and pull motion. also i think around here they removed the two women dancing together? maybe i just cant see it

20 mai 2011 original back once again

01 april 2011 .................... clearly an aprils fools joke bc massimiliano is gone again. i randomly picked this date cuz i knew it would be cursed dlkjaslk.. also again salieri doesnt get bent back and just 2 dancers do the push and pull... u knOW IT !!! WE GET IT !!!!! ok but i love him dramatically sighing and falling on the floor at @2:58 hes doing the most to make up for the flavour that got lost

03.06.2011 original again

12.06.2011 just massimiliano, no female dancer. im obsessseedddd with this video fully bc of the things massimiliano does!! obsessed with his evil smile @0:48, obsessed with salieri forgetting to throw the score on the floor, so massimiliano grabs it from his hand and forces him to kneel and stand up again. can u tell im a massimilianator and the choreo without him has no chance to please me?

17.06.2011 back to the original again

now im gonna skip to the very last performance from this production bc im honestly tired lkdajskl

10 july 2011 its the original thank god

TL;DR: 19 december 2010 is when the degayed choreo became the standard for a bit and on 19 february 2011 the original returns.

im confident that watching all those videos in a short period of time gave me brain damage but .. anything for science <3

ANYWAYS i started to do this to figure out why they changed It only to realise they changed A Lot of other things throughout performances (some things i didnt even mention, like the dance the woman does next to salieri during the first verse changes a lot) and they kept going back and forth to the original choreo. i think i can safely say not a single part (involving salieri) remained the same throughout the whole thing (not even the bending him back part was always there. i could swear it would be but!! no!). my guess is maybe because a certain dancer took a break or maybe they just wanted to do something different

in conclusion i figured out the exact dates but i cant tell u why massimiliano wasnt part of lbqfm for a while. i couldnt even find people talking about it on forums but, again, maybe bc im not fluent in french. to me it was a big loss, the whole thing loses its spice, i obviously prefer the original by miles. no idea why they simply didnt chose someone to replace him bc the other dancers changed all the time.

maybe it was in florents contract that only massimiliano was allowed to manhandle him <3 dlkjaslk im half kidding bc who knows? maybe it was a legal thing, maybe massimiliano invented this part of the choreo and only He could do it 😭 but honestly. my real final guess is that they simply wanted to change things to make it New and Fresh. as we saw, massimiliano leaving wasnt the only lbqfm choreo change.

///

moving on to L'ASSASYMPHONIE thank god bc it will be a lot easier to pinpoint when they changed the choreo. i believe they changed it and never went back to the original </3 god knows why </333 so when i find the new one ill stop looking

03.01.2010 last performance from "season one", at PDS (before going on tour) and also the last time they used the original choreo bUT ! THERES A BONUS! MORE MEN !!! LKDJALKS they said we will degay it later but u can have more naked men as a goodbye gift <3 really caught me by surprise, its the first time i watched it. but u wanna know whats really weird? this blurry shaky video is the only one i can find?! i even had to scroll a lot on youtube to get to it... conspiracy theory dove is trying to hide the original choreo. but honestly it makes no sense bc it was a Special day..... i cant find it anywhereee not even outside youtube... this is a hate crime. this is offensive. this is the heresy salieri sings about in the song.

the only thing i found was another performance from the same day but i think its the morning or afternoon performance and not the very last one. its for sure different than the one i linked first. i dont think there are 100 men onstage but at least we can see he had black nails 🥰 anyways... if anyone knows a better shot video of the very last performance... let me know... im really upsetklfdjalsjdal I FEEL SOOOO ROBBED...

and im even more mad now, remembering that from now on we get this new choreo. it began on their first tour

04.02.2010 2010 tour begins, first time we see the new choreo

and i have absolutely no idea why they changed it. again, i never saw an explanation and i dont have a single guess. i cannot imagine why they thought the new one was better. if i have to say one nice thing about it is that i like the background, the moving curtain that kinda looks like flames. they should absolutely drop the stupid flashing lights and just leave that background for the Cool effect and bRING BACK..... THE HALF NAKED BLINDFOLDED MEN (HNBM) ...........  THEY CAN REPRESENT SO MUCCHHHHHH... I LOVE THEM....

thats all i got to say otherwise ill start repeating myself.. if u wanna read more about my opinions on the hnbm and why i prefer the original l'assasymphonie choreo its all in the second link of this post..

anyways big thanks to anyone who read this, hope u enjoy all those videos. even with the dagayed choreos, florent and the dancers always deliver amazing performances. so, regardless, its a good time to watch them. lastly if anything is wrong, if i put down the wrong date or something, my bad, but it was .. a lot.. to go through, so if anyone sees a mistake let me know !

[sp00kybitme]

Okay so this is really personal but I feel like I need to share it in order to better my health because being upfront about your trauma is a good way to heal from it. So buckle up because this post is gonna be a real doozy:

So let's start by backing up about 4 years ago in the summer of 2017, I was 17 since my birthday follows the year number and I was going through my own personal turmoil, dealing with my already medically diagnosed PTSD, OCD, Anxiety disorder, and severe depression. I had falling outs with most all of my irl friends due to my declining mental health but the decline started around august as my therapist who worked the best for me was leaving the clinic. She was openly queer and I related a lot to her since I felt like for once I wasn't alone yet after she left I was distraught. Also at the time I had a falling out with my father and my brother was a recovering drug addict so you could say shit was really complicated around that time and my head space was not well.

So back in 2016 I was able to get a PS4 and I hadn't used it until 2017 due to being more focused on my mental health but I caved and began playing Overwatch and there I met some folks who made life seem somewhat normal for once, no high end conflict, no drama, just simple fun with friends is all I wanted and for a while I actually had that! That was until the coming month september.

So September was when I started breaking off from big friend groups and settled with 2 people, let's call them Z and J for context, So Z was someone who I would say had undiagnosed mental health issues and J was someone who was mutual friends with Z because they went to high school together. Z and J were some of my only friends and we as people really bonded over stuff and I felt like life was actually turning up after losing so much shit that year.

So just for preface/context: at this time I identified with she/her pronouns and went by the term pansexual/demiromantic but now after much time I identify with they/them pronouns and am at least asexual, as for romantic I'm still figuring that out. So November rolled around and I noticed conflict immediately, Z and J were subtly arguing and J was using a victim complex mentality to guilt Z into caving yet at the time I was an oblivious 17 year old who was just desperate was friendship to the point of trying to always be a mediator.

Z was always talking about how lonely they were and how every relationship they had never worked out and at the time I was not out about not being cisgender and so they perceived me as a girl. Throughout September to november they would CONSTANTLY ask me out to the point of it being a desperation and a guilt trip and at this point I was afraid. I had lost EVERYONE in my life here and it was so frustrating but for a month I would keep my boundaries up and say no because I genuinely wasn't interested in a relationship and I didnt feel taht way about Z but they continued to push me and eventually I gave in and I remember the exact place it happened.

So we all 3 had a daily routine of getting on and playing Overwatch for hours just to talk shit and goof around so that day we were skirmishing on the "Temple of anubis" map and I said yes and in retrospect it was a horrible time to do that because it was in front of J and in turn made them feel loke a 3rd wheel. I wanna say that me conceding into a relationship while having no attractiom or interest was wrong of me and that I apologize for but again I WAS pressured as a minor. Also I forgot to say that Z was 19 and while that kind of age gap isn't inherently the worst, I was still an emotionally vulnerable minor being coaxed into a relationship.

So things went on relatively the same except for the fact that J was beginning to sound more spiteful and ended up getting upset easier and volatile which I blamed myself for but we'll get more into J very soon. So Z and I were noticing the change in behavior but tried not to bother J with it because they always didn't wanna talk about it. J confided in us at one point by telling us about their living situation being troublesome, they claimed they had no privacy, were verbally abused by their mother, and had relatives who were also abusive. We both had empathy for J and I was strongly affected by that since I had a strong disconnect from my father at the time who was abusive in a religious way.

We tried to keep things relatively normal at this point for the sake of J but Z was always trying to be bluntly romantic with me and I wasn't interested although they did ask me for "thigh pics" (lemme preface by saying I was still a minor at this point) but I was coaxed into that and virtual s*x which I was extremely uncomfortable with but Z had a strong tendency to victimize and guilt trip and I just wanted friends and had PTSD from friends levaing me and calling me selfish. It's not something I'm proud of but I genuinely was THAT scared of losing friends. In instances where J would get spiteful and resent Z, J at one point left our group chat and group and didnt reply to us because they attempted s*icide. We were HORRIFIED to find that out and really tried to keep a close eye on J into the new year.

2018 rolls in and now is the year that I consider my worst, I will TW// onward for talks of verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, talks of s*xual assault, s*icide, homophobia, and gaslighting. So after J's s*icide attempt I felt even WORSE in a relationship that itself was already one sided but I powered through as to not upset Z. The friendship dynamic we had at this point was gone as it only seemed to be arguing and fake excitement. One thing we all did in the game was idolize specific characters and obsess over them for mental comfort to the point that we got emotionally distraught over their deaths in game, genuinely very unhealthy for all of us. One thing J would do at times was purposefully pick me and Z's characters in game in commit s*icide in game with them just to upset us and would sometimes mentally torture Z by forcing them to be the character Z hated which only screwed up Z's Mental health. J would also alwsys victimize and act like they weren't being treated fairly and that all culminated in January.

January 2018, J began putting the thought of a polyamorus relationship on the table as in J, Z, and I would all be in a relationship together which I wasn't too keen on but was open to if it made everyone happy. Z wasnt interested at all and for the span of 2 weeks of January, J kept trying to manipulate and coax Z into a relationship and had me try to convince Z as well which I didn't know was wrong but granted I didn't understand Poly relationships until years later. Z eventually half caved and gave it a try but a day later Z backed out because they felt uncomfortable. I was a bit irritated at that time and so was J but I didn't personally know why because I was very oblivious to love and how it was supposed to be. We also would play 1v1 type games for fun until this time because both of them were seriously bothered by losing in 1v1 games and would gloat when they won. I personally didn't care as much and would joke around for the most part just to have fun. After this month we stopped playing 1v1 type games.

Early February came and we all began hanging out in skirmish (which means like a map where you just freeroam for 30 minutes until it refreshes), sometimes we would do ship dynamics with each other for fun and at the time we were joking around. Me and J joked around about two male characters (Junkrat and Roadhog) being together and if you have seen the two characters then you'll know why. Their dynamic as friends is flawed but a popular one yet nonetheless I liked their dynamic as a relationship at the time. Around this time, Z was beginning to do what I would call "selective homophobia" as in they would like some gay ships and despise others. When Z was presented with a WLW (lesbian) ship, they would be 100% supportive yet when a specific MLM (gay) ship was presented, they would make gagging noises as if they were trying to throw up. I should also mention how often Z would send Overwatch porn to group chats and how it made me incredibly uncomfortable, especially as a minor.

J would ultimately hold the blatant homophobia against Z and tried to turn me again Z for it. During this time, J was messaging me privately to try and convince me that Z was a bad person and that I should break up with them. Ultimately I agreed and broke up with Z over this and me and J distanced myself from Z to just hang out together. I was personally distraught in just finding out that a friend I was close to ended up being Homophobic all this time and emotionally it broke me a lot. At the time, J was there to help me emotionally and that initially helped me build trust with them. Eventually in mid February they asked me out and since they had helped me so much mentally, I felt out of a sense of obligation that being with them was something I almost owed them.

Side note: I wanna bring up this point as just a weird coincidence: February itself has always been one of the worst months for me every year, something horrendous has happened to me each February of each year and its weird because of how often I can recall this still being the case.

So After being around J for so long we started to just joke around and have fun as friends. They actually showed me their face for the first time over a video call which actually surprised me because they looked different then I thought they were but nonetheless I enjoyed their company because I felt like I had a friend. March rolled around and my birthday was coming up, my 18th birthday which was more of a big deal to J than me. They wanted to see me in provocative pictures and were constantly talking about how excited they were for it and I didn't understand why really. They were also 19 btw and they seemed way too excited for something as simple as that kind of picture. The day rolled around and I felt uncomfortable, I was told to send pictures and I did which admittedly made me uncomfortable as hell yet I still did and I was given positive affirmation for it. Little fact about me is that one thing I didn't get much growing up was positive affirmation so getting that made me feel like I was actually doing something right for once.

Over the next few months, J went from supportive and well intent to showing their true colors. As time went on they began to get more and more controlling with the things that I did as an individual. It went from supoorting the fact that I struggled with PTSD to using it as a reason that I shouldn't be making other friends besides them. From being supportive of my open mindedness with sexuality to coaxing me into spewing hateful rhetoric. Their family was actually really supportive of me at first, the thibg they had said about their mom turned out to be a lie used to play on my sympathy because their mom adored me as a person and constantly would ask if me and my mom needed anything. They sent us two big care packages through the mail with food and money for food and I originally was against that not just because I'm genuinely horrible at taking gifts but because they had my physical address and knew where I lived in case they wanted to "visit". The care packages meant a lot to me and my mom because we've been low income since I was little and having the luxury to live in a house or not have to worry about food consumption was something I never had.

During late spring, J began to be a lot more forceful with me by manipulating and gaslighting me into thinking many toxic things. I was afraid at this point of both J and being alone again. They would tell me that I should start acting more feminine and "like a girl" and that was REALLY triggering to me since over a big part of my life, I was questioning my gender identity and being forced into this feminine box made me hate myself. They would tell me to wear "panties", talk higher pitched, and even tell me to be a submissive partner who just lets them lead and me follow. I'm naturally a more dominant person in general so it was like I was disregarding a huge part of my identity. I was almost silenced into this role that J wanted me to be. They would force me to do lewd things online and while you could say that I shouldn't have been worried since it wasn't irl, they knew my address and last name.

One instance I remember was that J asked about my deadname and I told them and then questioned why I would change that name since it "was more feminine and fit me". It was upsetting to hear that but at least they didn't deadname me after finding out. They also kept telling me that I wasnt allowed to be attracted to anyone but them. I wasn't allowed to protest because they would threaten killing themselves and actually send a picture of them with a knife to their throat as if to threaten me.

A detail I left out intentionally was something that disturbed me the most about them and really makes me think they have a serious form of some kind of dissociative mental disorder. (Context: I'm not stigmatizing folks who have Dissociative disorders, my mother has one and the symptoms J exhibited make me think of someone who experiences detachment or disillusionment. Im not going to diagnose them but my instinct makes me believe that it could be something similar yet they have never been medically diagnosed.) J would constantly talk about a friend they had in elementary school who had taken their own life and how the spirit of this friend still keeps near them since they were close back then. This friend almost seemed to become a way to manipulate me later on in 2018.

This friend of theirs almost seemed to be a way to seperate themselves from how they treated me or avoid blame. This friend would threaten me that if I didn't let J r*pe me that they were gonna commit s*icide and that it would be my fault for not doing what they wanted. They also would threaten me to do what J said or else they would "possess" me. I'm someone who has had bad experiences with spirits so I didn't want to have more hell. J themselves would sometimes get extremely angry when I stood up for myself or expressed stuff I was really interested in and would threaten to track me down, assault me, and kill my mom. They also began pitting me against my mom because I would talk about how my mom was getting worried about me being hurt but J said that my mom was faking it and manipulating me and I almost believed J but I know my mom and I know she cares too much about me to do something like that.

Around September, I was practically an emotionless shell. I wasn't excited about anything, I wasn't angry anymore, I was barely feeling much of anything but a deep seeded sadness. I lacked in a lot of places and repressed any emotion I had so deep that I couldn't react to anything anymore. I think J began to notice because they started to actually act concerned after a while but that was flickering like a light switch. One of the last instances that I broke down was august of 2018 when I began crying heavily over microphone and begging them to not hate me. They had no reaction, no remorse , no empathy and when their mom came in they just left me there crying without affirming me at all.

During this time, I was sending hundreds of nude photos a day to appease them and they would get off and go to sleep and during the night I would secretly cry and look at queer based things in private to try and keep some semblance of my identity in tact. I actually started watching Sanders sides around July 2018 and enjoyed the series and how nice the fanbase seemed and it somehow helped me get through this rough period of time.

October was probably some of the worst time because I ended up missing my favorite holiday, Halloween which was the only time I personally enjoyed being myself because the element of the holiday made me happy. That halloween I spent on overwatch with J, overall miserable and hating myself. I also forgot to mention that J would dictate what I wore, they would hate that I wore boxer briefs and men's cologne and deodorant, they constantly questioned why I was trying to be masculine when I was AFAB but again I was also closeted with my gender identity and this shoved me even more into the closet when they would argue with me about it.

November rolled around and I had practically been at my breaking point, J was trying to convince me for weeks to move down south to live with them and their family and I was practically being forced. I have a fear of flying and I kept saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my disabled mom by herself and my mom also hates flying. J was trying to get things their way and forced me too and I was looking into flights even though I was deadset on not going. November 11th 2018, I wasn't replying to J's texts right away because I was actually standing up for myself. They began HEAVILY threatening to end their life and I remember sitting there and crying without emotion then I hung up on them and told them to stop calling and texting me as they had begun to text and call me incessantly. I said I needed a break and finally let out a breath when they said ok.

Around late November, I felt as though I had misjudged Z and unblocked and messaged them, apologizing for being a dick to them. They initially forgave me and I was just going to move on but they asked if we could play in a public chill server and I accepted just to try and get my mind off of J. As we entered into the game, J suddenly started spectating and Z left instantly out of fear. I only talked to Z just to apologize and give context as to what happened, I was desensitized and just needed a friend. J messaged me apologizing frantically and saying "if you've moved on to date Z, just tell me so I can move on" and I said "no, I just needed a friend right now and I need my space. Don't talk to me for a while, respect that one thing." And thankfully, I was actually left alone.

December rolled around once again and at this point I had finally blocked J and moved on from everything, J's mom had messaged me on Facebook and told me that I was a "filthy cheater who just used J for their kindess and didn't care about them" but I did actually genuinely care deeply about J yet he abused my compassion by gaslighting me and putting me into this false sense of security. Before I could reply, she blocked me so she never actually took the time to ask me. I was feeling guilty for leaving J but I was reassured by Z during that time period and Z had apologised for previous comments as well. Z ended up introducing another friend to the group, we'll call them A. We would first play Overwatch but immediately switch to Minecraft which I had bought when still with J to play with their family. Around this time I had begun to cling to Z uninitentionally due to recovering from my trauma and needing that affirmation that I wasn't some terrible abuser, as J had manipulated me to think I was. Z was getting a bit bothered by this yet they had never publicly told me nor did they understand why I clung to them in the first place. Z knew I had PTSD and I had told them exactly what I had just described earlier about what J had done to me and Z was initially very empathetic though I was never told that my clinginess was bothering them because I was in recovery mode. Eventually towards the end of January, I was told by A that they knew why I was so clingy with Z. At first I was confused because they both had known that I had PTSD but A proceed. "The only reason you're so clingy with Z is because you're secretly still in love with them, I can read you like an open book and you would do best to stop denying your obvious feelings for them" Hearing this made me personally disgusted, appalled, and upset mentally. Z kept to the side during this discussion and didn't go against A however they didn't deny A's words.

I retorted by speaking about my trauma and how it made me cling to people unnecessarily but then A proceeded to invalidate my trauma by implying that I was over exaggerating what I had gone through. I felt awful and I forcefully distanced myself from them both only to go back once again out of fear of being alone. This continued for a while until July 10th, 2019 when I finally distanced myself from Z for good. I made my own account on Instagram and over the span of 2 years, I built up a community of people who liked my work and I got my sense of individualism back give or take. I recently changed accounts because this era in my life is brand new and I couldn't be happier with where I'm at.

This post is more so a form of being vulnerable and a bit of exposure therapy. Sure im not a perfect person, I can't even publicly out my abusers but I think it would do more harm than good. If anyone wants to have a warning for their accounts, at least on YouTube, message me on my Insta in my bio. I'm sorry if this was long and possibly upsetting but I wanted to just get this out. I dont know who would be seeing this but if you read this far: thank you, honestly its upsetting to have to go through so much bullshit and I hate talking about it because it's difficult to really put shit out there without feeling like its some tupe of attention thing. I don't want to post this for sympathy, I want to post this for me, just to feel better about where I'm at and also face my trauma head on to heal from it. I'm not saying this to compare who's life is worse or not but I am posting this to better myself.

Thank you again,

Spooky

[ask-villain-izuku-midoriya]

Everyone. It's Ace.

I know I'm posting at 3 am. But this was one of my only free moments.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this, something really fucked up just happened to me.

So two months ago, when I got a job as a CSR at Domino's, I met someone. He was sweet, kind, and made me laugh every time I talked to him. Eventually we got close, and he asked me out, and I said yes.

My parents were somewhat adamant about me being out with him. We got in big trouble at one point because I was out late talking with him after work. It didn't help that I didn't get out of work until 2 am. My mom was calling him a pedophile, said that if he respected me he would've asked to meet my parents first, assumed we were out drinking and having sex, etc. Of course, I'm 19 and he's 21. So it wouldn't be illegal even IF we were doing that.

Then she had the audacity to tell me that my dad was contacting my general manager to find out my clock in and clock out times.

By law, HE CANNOT GIVE OUT THAT INFO. By law, THEY CANNOT ASK FOR THAT INFO. By law, THEY CANNOT HAVE ACCESS TO MY SCHEDULE. The only reason why they did have access was because my sister was registered as the email used for my application, and she sent the schedule to my dad.

BY LAW WHAT THEY DID WAS A FELONY. MY GENERAL MANAGER COULD'VE GOTTEN FIRED AND THROWN IN JAIL BECAUSE OF THEM.

I have never had the best relationship with my mom. But this kind of was the last straw.

I consulted my now boyfriend about all of the situation, and he agreed that I was not happy there, and with the advice of my fellow coworkers, I decided to leave.

My old phone, which was literally a $20 prepaid flip-phone that came from family dollar, which I didnt get until I started here, which wasnt even considered mine, which was a work phone only, and which I was not allowed to buy a personal phone myself, was taken away after the incident. So my boyfriend(gonna call him T) bought me an LG Rebel at Wal-Mart with service.

I wasn't even given access to my own paychecks. Half went to my savings, a quarter to my parents, and a quarter was my own. Even so, my parents had my own portion set into a savings account so I did not have access to it. I coukd ask for withdrawals, yes; but when you make $527 and you only get $20 at a time...well, anyone would get pissed. So, for the most part, I lived off of tips.

Shortly after I got my phone, a friend of T's contacted me. Essentially T told him everything I had gone through with my parents and he wasn't ok with it.

He and I kept in touch, and he urged me to leave while I could. After much pressuring I gave in, and decided to leave my house on September 30th.

Unfortunately, I started getting worried that my parents were catching on, and reported it to T and his friend. His friend, who was older and had a home and a job, said that I had to leave IMMEDIATELY, but I waited the next night to leave.

I moved in with three others: his original friend(calling him M), his other friend K, and N. N wasn't significant in this, by the way.

The next morning my dad contacted everyone at my work looking for me. T got a call from him and he said, all I can tell you is that I know where Ace is and they're safe. My general manager even threw me a bone and told my dad about how unhappy I was at home and how badly I wanted to leave.

T ended up coming over, and we hung out in the room I was staying in, which happened to be in M's room. Well, we were being intimate when M interrupted and kicked him out.

45 minutes later M critically hurt me.

I can't talk very much about it, because it's shameful and frankly, I don't even want to tell my own family, but all I can say is I nearly ended up in the hospital Friday because of the after effects.

Should I have been more careful, I would have noticed all of the warning signs. I would've gotten a weird feeling from all of the weird innuendos he sent me. I would've taken time to step back and asked him why he was so impatient to get me to leave. I would've been careful, especially after T mentioned him being into BDSM.

Because of the way I was raised, I was used to doing as I was told and putting others' happiness over my own. And I was scared of saying no.

Probably one thing that was stuck in my mind was, why couldn't I say no?

He did horrible things to me. He took photos and videos of me the whole time. He ripped one of my best pairs of pants. He yanked my hair a few times. He was rough with me. He marked me with his symbol a couple times. He encouraged me to say no if I didn't want to do something, yet a few times I said no, he kept going. I had to report everything about T to him. He ended up hurting me so bad that I was confined to the restroom with stabbing pains down there, pains so bad I thought I'd have to go to the hospital. At one point I told him I couldn't keep doing this, that I wanted to be with T, he began verbally tearing him up.

K ended up contacting T, saying that something was up. T contacted me and M separately, asking what was going on. M suggested just coming clean and me ending it with him, but I couldn't. M started texting me and began to blackmail me in a way, abd I decided that I couldn't do this. I had to get help. I privately called T at work and told him everything, that I was scared, and that I didn't feel safe anymore.

He immediately left work and headed over. Matt came in during the call so I had to hang up. He was demanding to know what I told him, and finally I gave in.

T showed up, and M had the audacity to blame me, saying that I willingly consented to it all, and that I was just playing him and T. He wouldn't have mentioned half of the things he did if I hadn't brought them up myself.

Afterwards T asked me where I wanted to be, and I told him I was scared to be here. So he took me to his house.

K called while T was driving, asking if we were gonna call the police. Apparently he had gone through M's phone and found the photos of me. He said he deleted them.

T's family took me in on Saturday. They all heard what happened and are letting me stay with him.

Unfortunately K is now blaming me for the whole incident. He heard M's side of the story and now believes that I am a slut and that I'm going to hurt T, and essentially never wants to see me again.

I'm safe now. I was originally going to quit Domino's and work at the same restaurant as M but now that is definitely not an option. I contacted my general manager and told him, and he gladly put me back on the schedule.

I'm ok now. But what is seriously fucking with my head is, I left one hell behind, and was so eager to leave that I didn't see another one waiting with open arms. He took advantage of my past and hurt me.

It'll take some time to move on from this, and I may not be on for a while. But hopefully I can continue the blog soon.

Thank you and have a good morning/afternoon/night.

[ma-lark-ey]

((Remember that brief post I made on Lark(?) getting sick? Yeah here's a whole chapter. But this time its angsty))

CW; for sickness, mentions of vomit, dry-heaving, minor panic attack description, spoilers for Episode 39-40. Theres some Oakson if you squint, I dunno if that counts at a trigger,,, but yeah

Henry couldn't remember the last time Lark was the twin to get sick. He had such an impenetrable immune system he thought he was incapable of the thing. But here he was, fixing Lark a bowl of soup while he laid on the couch under a fuzzy blanket.

"Here, Birdie. Don't eat it too fast, alright?" He brushed Lark's bangs back and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Sure, his boy was nearly fifteen, but no child is too old for a sweet forehead kiss.

That usual fire Lark had boiling in him was dessimated by his case of some virus, and instead of his usual extravagant response to Henry, he just nodded.

"When's Ma gonna be home?" He asked, pushing himself to sit up enough to eat comfortably. His eyes looked like a raccoons, deep dark circles around them, sunk and dull. His skin was pale and lifeless. He could pass as a vampire. And that's his the boys went, either they were perfectly healthy, or they nose dove into being couch bound for a week.

"Somewhere around seven, she's bringing dinner. But, I may have to leave here soon. I have a meeting for something. You think you'll be alright by yourself for a little bit?" Henry hated the thought of leaving his boy when he was so vulnerable. Anything could happen in two hours. Especially with how quickly Lark's health could plummet. Last time one of them got sick, Sparrow was fine Friday morning and by Sunday evening they were taking him to urgent care because he had fluid in his lungs.

"I'll be fine, Dad." Lark set his half eaten bowl of soul on the coffee table, snuggling right back down into his blankets. "Hey, could you go get me the plush on my bed? The- the Pichu one."

"Of course, Lark. I'll be right back." Henry stood, making sure Lark was cozy in his blankets and went to grab the stuffed animal. It was rare the twins had toys un-destroyed as kids, but that Pokemon bear Nick had gotten Lark as a birthday gift when they were six? That thing always stayed perfectly in tact.

He picked the old, well-loved toy up off the bed. He could see the stitching on its ear where Sparrow had accidentally ripped it when they were seven. Lark cried for hours, wouldn't talk to Sparrow for thirty whole minutes over it.

The young granola-crunching dad trotted back downstairs. Lark was laying limp on the couch, breathing short and shallow. He looked horrid. Henry's going to have to cancel his meeting, he knows that. He's not leaving Lark alone when he looks this bad. Henry should recheck his temperature.

He set the Pichu down in the gap between Lark and the back of the couch, placing his palm on his forehead. God,,the kid felt like fire.

Lark gagged suddenly, throwing the blankets off himself and grabbing the pot he kept on the floor next to him. The soup he'd just eaten came right back up, he sat there, hunched over, crying and dryheaving for a good five minutes. Henry rubbed circles in his back and tried to soothe him. But, Lark couldn't even keep water down anymore. Henry knew he was dehydrated, and he didn't know what to do anymore.

Lark let out a sob, leaning into his dad. Henry held his boy against him, not daring to give a gentleman sway like he usually would.

"It hurts... Everything hurts..." He whimpered. He sounded so small, which wasn't a way Lark Oak-Garcia should sound.

"I know, baby. I know." Henry reached for thermometer he'd been keeping on the coffee table. He pulled it out of the protective case.

Lark looked at him, his eyes looked so tired. He opened his mouth and let Henry put the device under his tongue. It took a minute, but the thing beeled and Henry checked.

106.7. Oh hell no. Oh heeeell no.

"Get some shoes on, Lark, we're going to the emergency room." He said quickly, pushing himself to his feet and going to grab his keys, phone, wallet, and own shoes.

"Dad, I'm fine, I-"

"You're temperature is one hundred and SIX! That is not fine! Get some shoes!" Henry felt his hands started to shake. No, not now. He felt that familiar crushing feeling of his chest caring in on itself. Not now. Stupid panic attack disorder.

"Dad, really, itll go down in the hour I'm-"

"Lark Oliver Oak-Garcia, do not argue with me on this please, we are going to the emergency room and thats final. Now put on your shoes!" He knew he snapped, but he was freaking out. He didn't know anything about his stuff. In the Realms, when someone was this sick you'd cast a healing spell and bada-bing bada-boom, hes fine! But this isn't the realms, and there isn't magic! He pressed trembling fingers to his temples, trying to ease himself out of the coming panic attack before he really got consumed in the anxieties. He needed to be Dad right now, not Henry.

He looked around the room, listing off things he could touch or hear or see. Just like Mercedes had taught him.

Deep breath in.... Deep breath out. Its good. Lark's good. Focus on getting him to the doctor.

Henry snatched his keys and phone off the table, grabbing his wallet from the counter in passing and shuffling to get on his Birkenstocks.

Lark was shuffling awkwardly to the door, holding his Pichu plush. He looked nauseous just standing, but both Henry and Lark knew there was nothing left in his system to come back up.

Henry helped him into the passenger seat and buckled his seat belt, leaning it back so he wasnt sitting straight up and making himself light-headed. Then, he got himself in the drivers seat and pulled out of the driveway, handing his phone to Lark.

"Call your brother." He said sternly, eyes focused on the road as he moved to the urgent care clinical as fast as possible. Of course Lark listened, and Sparrow came through the Bluetooth of the car.

"Hey, Dad. What's up? How's Lark doing?"

"Hi, Sparrow. Letting you know, Lark's fever is almost 107, so we're going to the emergency room. Don't know when I'll be home, you can stay with one of the boys, or stay at home. I don't care. Mom's gonna be home around seven."

"Uh- oh! Okay. Um... Okay. Thats- okay, Dad. Is he okay? Just a high fever?" Of course Sparrow immediately sounding absolutely terrified.

"Don't panic,,Lark's good. He's just... He's low on fluids, his fevers high. I'll send you plenty of updates, promise. But, I gotta let you go cause we're here and I need to get him in. I love you so much, Sparrow."

"I... I love you too, Dad. And Lark. I- okay. I'll probably stay at Terry's."

"That's fine, call me when you get there, okay?"

"Okay... Bye."

"Bye, Sparrow.

------------

Henry paced the waiting room. Its not that they were doing anything major to Lark, just running some standard health checks and getting him settled in a room for the night. But, your pride and joy, your beautiful son whom you love more than life itself being in a hospital room without you? Terrifying. Fucking terrifying.

Darryl had arrived about five minutes ago, and was currently trying to get Henry to stand still.

"Darryl, Darryl, darling, you're wonderful but you really need to shut the fuck up. If I sit, I will stop the adrenalin rush and when I stop the adrenaline rush my thoughts start going-"

"Henry-"

"and that means my brain turns back on and when my brain turns back on, it means I'll probably have a panic attack and I really don't want to have one right now,"

"Henry!"

"at this moment, because for the love of god, Darryl, I need to know when my boy is okay and I can't know when my boy is okay if I have a panic attack because then I won't be able to-" Darryl grabbed hold of Henry's shoulders and stared him right in the eye.

"HENRY!" Thank god he finally got him to stop going down the rabbit hole, it took Henry long enough. He stared the other father in the eyes. His mind stopped for a moment. Just a moment. But it was a long enough moment.

Darryl knew the tears were coming before Henry ever showed signs of beginning to cry. He pulled him into a tight hug and just held him there, in strong arms.

"Its okay, Henry. He's fine. Just a high fever and some dehydration. He'll be fine." Darryl promised him.

------------

And, Darryl was right. Lark was fine. Henry freaked out over nothing. Late that night, Lark was discharged again. After his fever went back down and they gave him fluids.

It was now well past midnight, and Henry was exhausted. He got his just as tired son in bed, tucking him in and making sure the pichu was tucked in Lark's arms. He gave yet another forehead kiss, turning off the lamp.

"Goodnight, kiddo. Hope you feel better in the morning."

And, Henry dragged himself back to his bedroom, where Mercedes laid already asleep. He changed into a pair of pajama pants and crawled in next to her. Like her sixth sense, she rolled over to use Henry as some kind of large teddy bear like she did everything night. It was so nice. He took a long, deep, satisfying breath and settled into his pillows. His eyes became heavy, and he fell asleep faster than he had in years.

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[flowerpowell]

Unexpected (Drake x MC)

PART ELEVEN

A/N: Another chapter, yaaay! I thought since it wasnt uploading for weeks, I should post two chapters in a week, so I scheduled this one too. I hope it’s okay! As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts about it! And also I am so happy you all liked Dani! She’s like my baby and I’m so happy youre loving her character! Characters belong to Pixelberry (except for my OCs)

Rating: M (mentions of emotional abuse/manipulation, suggestiveness)

Word count: 2870

Tagging: @gardeningourmet​ @delightfullypinkglitter​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @desireepow-1986​ @dcbbw​ @kingliam2019​ @the-soot-sprite​ @mskaneko​ @thequeenofcronuts​ @dr-ethanjramsey​ @badchoicesposts​ @burnsoslow​ @annekebbphotography​ @alesana45​ @addictedtodrakefanfic​ @walkerduchess​ @ao719​ @texaskitten30​ @lodberg​ @cordonianroyalty​ @emichelle​ @siriusxxvideos​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @samihatuli​ @choices-lurker​ @i-miss-trr​ @drxkewalker​ @nikkis1983​ @innerpostmentality​ @msjr0119​ @bascmve01​ @mind-reader1​ @edgiestwinter​ @drakesensworld​ @queenjilian​ @princessleac1​ @saivilo​ @yukinagato2012​ ♥

“Are you sure it’s gonna work?” Liam asked when Dani was setting up the table.

“I am! Riley loves cooking too much to pass and she’s always softer when she’s cooking. It’s a perfect plan!”

For the past few days since their deal, Liam and Dani kept in touch, exchanging ideas for how to bring Riley and Drake together. When she told him about her plan, Liam immediately agreed and bought all the necessary things.

“So how exactly this is going to work? We call them to come to the kitchen?”

“No, look,” Dani started gesticulating when explaning and Liam thought it was the most adorable thing he ever saw. Pull it together man, she’s only here for a few weeks. “You call Drake saying you found something important and need him and Riley to see it. They come here and will be informed by someone that they should come here. They will come to this,” Dani motioned the table, “and Riley will hate that because I set the table in the way she hates it. Also, the dish that will be served is overcooked because I know Riley wouldn’t eat it but also because I’m bad at cooking. She’ll hate it but just as she will be about to go full on Gordon Ramsey, she’ll see all these ingredients laying here, exactly what she needs to make pasta à la Nana, her favorite dish. She hasn’t made it since Nana died but because I decorated this kitchen so cozy with all these candles and the music you picked is so nostalgic, she’ll do it and Drake will help her. Riley once told me she always dreamed about a man who would cook with her so I know she will fall in love, I mean, admit she is in love because let’s be real, they are so in love. Ta-daaam!” She finished and Liam chuckled. She looked a little crazy as she was talking about all those steps but for some reason he found it cute.

“They’re gonna kill us when they realize what we did.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “But Riley’s my sister so she won’t do anything to me.”

“And I have immunity so Drake can’t touch me either. Okay, let’s do this,” Liam pulled out his phone and called Drake.

“Hello? Drake, yes, it’s Liam, are you busy?” He asked and looked at Dani shaking her head. “What?” he mouthed and she whispered, “He has to come even if he’s busy!”

“You know what, it doesn’t matter if you’re busy or not, you need to come,” Liam quickly added before Drake could reply. “Yes, it’s urgent. I know it’s very late but it’s important. And it can’t wait. You and Riley need to see it as soon as possible,” he looked at Dani again and she showed him two thumbs up.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting. Please, hurry.” Liam hung up and turned to Dani. “They’re coming.”

“Eeek, that’s so exciting! We need to hide somewhere before they find us! Does Bastien know what he’s doing?”

“He does and he can’t believe he agreed to help us set these two up,” Liam chuckled. He still remembered his guard’s face when he told him about that top secret mission.

He led Dani to one of the guest rooms that were the closest to the kitchen.

“I hope you don’t mind but I brought some snacks for us in case we get hungry. And some cider made from our apples,” he motioned the table with the food prepared for them.

“Man, you really do like your apples!” Dani laughed trying to hide her nervousness. Even though, Liam acted like a normal person she still felt that wall between them, the wall reminding her of his status and her inferiority. She smiled as he poured them cider and handed one glass to her.

Maybe I can pretend we’re equal for a few hours, just this once.

~~~~

“Liam?! Liam! Where are you?” Drake called out as he entered his friend’s office.

“Maybe he’s in his room?” Riley suggested.

“I don’t think so, Liam never invites anyone to his bedroom so he’s not there for sure. Something is weird though, the whole palace seems... empty.”

“Do you think something happened?”

“No but--”

“Ah, Drake, lady Riley, there you are.”

“Bastien! What’s going on? Where’s Liam?”

“In the kitchen. I got instructions to tell you to go to the kitchen,” Bastien said, his face not expressing anything.

“Kitchen? If he found another apple tea for me to test out I’m gonna kill him,” Riley groaned. Drake took her hand and led her to the kitchen.

“Maybe something bad happened to him, maybe he was--” he stopped seeing the candles and the table set for two. “--preparing this all along.”

“Coral roses, my sister’s favorite,” Riley smelled the flowers on the table. “My sister was helping him.”

“I can’t believe they made me leave the house so late,” Drake groaned looking around.

“And what exactly did you have planned? Whiskey drinking? Watching football? Bartie’s with Madeliene and Barthelemy and Bianca is staying with them,” Riley rolled her eyes. Despite being mad at her sister and Liam she found the situation to be quite funny.

“Don’t tell me you’re okay with it,” he narrowed his eyes and she shrugged.

“Oh, no, they are going to pay but for now, I’m happy I don’t have to cook dinner for tonight. Let’s see what they—what on Earth is that?!” She raised her voice when she took a look at what was inside the pot.

“What? Did they put rats in it?”

“Worse, look! It’s severly overcooked! And not seasoned enough,” Riley spit out the food back to the pot before throwing its content to the trash can. She looked around and noticed fresh ingredients.

“Maybe I can cook something? From these things I could make...” she examined all the products before realizing it, “Pasta à la Nana.”

“What? The one you couldn’t make for years?” Drake asked noticing Riley had tears in her eyes. “Let’s just order something, you don’t have to make it.”

“No... I-I can do it. I just need someone to help me because this is a job for two,” she sniffed as she wiped a tear from her eye.

“Riley...”

“No, really. I think it’s time to finally make it again. I think... I think Nana would want that.”

~~~~

“Okay, my turn! Never have I ever had a sleepover at friend’s house.”

“I did spent a few days in Texas at Drake’s when I was still a Prince, does it count?” Liam asked and took a swig of cider when Dani nodded.

“You never had a sleepover?”

“Nope. My father wouldn’t allow,” she laughed but Liam could hear the saddness in it.

“What was your childhood like?” he asked, studying her face.

“Normal, I think. My parents aren’t monster or whatever everyone thinks they are. They took us on trips, to the cinema, for ice cream, they were just very demanding. Well, only my father and only to me. Riley could always do whatever she wanted because they didn’t pay too much attention to her,” she drank a little cider before continuing. “When I was ten I already spoke two foreign languages because instead of meeting with my friends like Riley did, I was stuck at home with a tutor stuying languages. My childhood was good but it didn’t feel like a childhood, if that makes sense.”

“Wow. Only two? When I was ten I already spoke three,” Liam shoved her playfully. “My father was very demanding too. Even though I was the spare it was me who obeyed him, not my brother. He never cared about any rules.”

“Ugh, our fathers suck. Am I allowed to say that about a King?” she asked him and he laughed.

“I’ll allow it.”

“You know what sucks the most?” she asked as she emptied the glass and poured some more cider, “Everyone, including my sister, thinks I had it better. She thinks that at least they loved me, they cared about me and paid for my education. And yes, it’s true but I feel like I had to work for their love, you know what I mean? I had to be their perfect daughter because if I wasn’t, our family would fall apart. I never did what I wanted, never did anything crazy that most people my age would.”

“You never rebelled?” Liam asked remembering his little rebellions. If running to the maze for hide and seek counted as rebellion. He never was good at it, not as good as Leo.

“I did once. I... My father wanted to me to apply for law school. I didn’t want it but I couldn’t argue with my father. So I just... didn’t send the documents on time. When my father found out, it was the worst time of my life. He didn’t scream or anything. He just said he was disappointed because he wanted the best for me and I didn’t appreciate him. The next day my mom told me he was in hospital with severe depression. She yelled at me for ruining my father’s health. I was a mess and I didn’t know what to do. Riley’s younger than me and I didn’t want to bother her with it so I applied for finance even though I hate everything math-related. I went to hospital and I cried in front of my father, apologizing to him and telling him I applied to college. The next day he was back home and told me to never disobey him like that again. And I never did. It was a terrible experience.”

“But that’s manipulation! How could he--” Liam bit his lip before he’d say something he would regret. He heard something about Riley’s parents from Drake but hearing that from Danielle made him sick. Neither Riley, nor Dani deserved such parents. “I’m really sorry. My father was awful but he pales in comparison to yours.”

“I got used to it. Trying my best not to irritate him. I’m working in a bank where he wanted me to work, bringing the money and we’re good.”

“I’m sorry,” Liam repeated and raised his glass. “To problematic childhood, bad fathers and living a life designed by parents!”

Dani laughed as she clinked glasses with Liam. He understood her, which was new to her.

To unexpected allies, she thought to herself. I’d drink to that.

~~~~

“Drake, no, you have to be gentle,” Riley took Drake’s hand and moved it slowly as he was stirring the sauce. “Circular moves, gently, just like that. The other hand holds the pot, good.”

She took some ingredients from the table and started adding to the sauce. “Keep on stirring slowly, I’ll be adding these pinch by pinch so it blends nicely.”

Drake nodded as he kept stirring. There was something special about them cooking together, being so close. It was nothing like Drake knew before, most of the food he made was quick and simple. That pasta was taking ages to make but for some reason he enjoyed each step.

“Okay, now be careful cause I’ll be adding pear puree.”

“I never thought pear and tomatoes would go together,” he noticed.

“Me neither. Nana told me she came up with it when she was pregnant and craved tomatoes and pears. The secret is, you need to caramelize the pears before mashing it and the sweetness goes super well with the tomato. And then Parmesan gives it a bit saltiness but we add it at the end so it’s not too overbearing.”

“You’re really good at this,” Drake turned to her, realizing they were only two or three inches apart. “And you really love it.”

“Well, yeah,” Riley said quietly, “thanks to Nana. She taught me everything.”

“Can I try it?”

Riley nodded and quickly took a spoonful of the sauce and topped it with the cheese before feeding it to Drake. She looked at him, at his mouth, as he was swallowing. “Good?”

“I’ve never eaten anything as good. You have a real talent, Riley. I’m really happy you’ll have your own restaurant soon, you deserve it.”

“Thank you but if you’d rather keep the bar, it’s fine,” she said, surprised with herself. Why did she care more about Drake than about her dream?

“It’s yours, Riley. You’ll prove everyone who never believed in you once the restaurant will become the most famous one in the world,” the certainity in his voice made her shiver. Did he really believe in her or was he just nice? She looked at him as he took a spoonful of sauce, added Parmesan, just like she taught him, and brought to her mouth. She parted her lips and felt that familiar taste, the one that reminded her of her Nana, of home, of love. It was perfect.

“Can’t you see how amazing you are?” Drake whispered and without thinking, Riley stood on her toes and kissed him. He dropped the spoon, and brought her closer to him, deepening the kiss. She put her arms around his neck, trying to bring him even closer but it wasn’t enough. She needed more, more of him, more of that, more.

They were kissing like crazy, like they were waiting their whole life for that moment. Drake pinned her to the stove, knocking out a few plates that fell on the floor and broke. He moved to kissing her neck as she moaned, running her hands through his hair. He pulled back for a second as he realized they were still in the palace.

“Let’s go home,” he rasped and she nodded, kissing him again as they slowly exited the kitchen, locked in a kiss.

~~~~

“I’m not kidding! My mom did tell me to get a plastic surgery once,” Dani laughed as she drank cider.

“What? Why would you need it?”

“She said my boobs were too small.”

“But there’s nothing wrong with your--” Liam composed himself trying not to think about it, “I’m sorry, that’s definitely not anything a daughter would want to hear.”

“Well, she said they were too small and making me unattractive,” she shrugged and realized what she just said. To the King of Cordonia. “Oh my goose, I’m sorry I’m taking about my boobs to you.”

“Goose? Your grandma really loved animals, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, a lot,” Dani answered, relieved Liam changed the topic. “Should we check on Riley and Drake? It’s almost midnight.”

Liam nodded and they tiptoed to the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible. Liam peeked from behind the door to see if they were still inside but the kitchen was empty.

“Drake? Riley?” he called out but no one answered.

“They made the pasta!” Dani took the pot from the counter and tried a little. “So good!”

“Why didn’t they eat it? I’ll leave it in the fridge so they can take it tomorrow,” Liam offered.

“I think they went straight for the dessert,” she giggled and Liam blushed.

“Well, mission accomplished. I’ll be heading home then.”

“I’ll have my driver drive you back to the hotel.”

“Thanks. And thank you for helping me arrange this and for the snacks and cider. And for letting me rant about my parents.”

“Hey, Danielle,” he asked when she was about to leave, “Would you like to come here in the morning? I would like to show you something.”

“I’d love to,” she smiled and left. Liam looked after her until she disappeared completely. He sat down on a chair and put his head in his hands. He needed to stop, whatever that little feeling he had, before it would be too late. Danielle was leaving soon and besides he already lost his chance at love. It was time to stop dreaming and face the reality. He sighed as he decided him and Danielle must remain friends. Now, it was only his heart that needed to follow through with that decision.

~~~~

Drake and Riley were kissing as they entered the cabin, barely closing the door. Drake picked up Riley and brought her into the bedroom, not stopping kissing her even for a moment. He laid her on the bed, his eyes searching hers, looking for something and she nodded, silently answering his question. He pulled off her dress and his shirt.

“Are you sure? I know it’s your--”

“I am,” she silenced him with a kiss and pulled him close to her. It wasn’t the time to pretend she didn’t like him when every inch of her body and soul needed him. It was the time to face the truth.

And the truth was, she was falling in love with Drake Walker.

[hugsfromdad]

I've been mia on here, but not mia in the disaster bisexual front. So lemme fill you in

Okay, so idk if I've talked on here over the past few months about a cute cashier, but I can't seem to find it on my blog, so imma assume I haven't.

Back in mid August, I got my kitten. I got him 2 weeks earlier than expected, so the day before I picked him up, I had to run out and get his supplies. My friend was coming over that day, so we decided to hang out (outside) at my house, go get ice cream, and then go to the pet store for my stuff. after we got all that I needed, we went into Market Basket to buy some snacks so we could sit out in the parking lot and talk for a few hours. Well, that's where this story starts.

I looked hella fucking gay that day. (Striped button up UNbuttoned like halfway, my huge choker chain, and then my white washed levi's with a white 'Sisters' belt, and white converses. I can post a pic later if y'all want) so anyways, I was expecting to get some looks and stared. I did. Whatever. Well, were checking out at the speed aisle, and I notice eyes on me. I normally glace around when I'm checking out to see who is working, but I was met this time by the gaze of a cashier two rows back. I glanced down cause I didn't want to be rude, but when I check again, she was still looking at me. So I intentionally held her gaze for a few moments as I took note of what she looked like. Then I finished checking out and left with my friend.

While I'm a disaster bi and will focus and freak out over the smallest interraction with a cute person, I have become aware that most people (my friends) don't read into moments like that and will make fun of me if I do. That being said, I told myself it was probably just in my head and not that significant; that she was just checking out my outfit and clocking me as either a gay guy out with his girlfriend, (which was pretty much the case) or a couple getting some things.

WELL, so right as I was trying to not make anything out of it, my friend turns to me and goes. "Did you see that cashier staring at you? Like, she kept looking at you." And I was like "OKAY SO IT WASNT JUST ME" and she was like "no, she was really looking at you. She's really cute, too." And thus it began.

She's got a great style (also gorgeous even with a mask on, but I was more intrigued and attracted to her style). I told her that I liked her style a couple months ago and she repeated it back to me. She wears multiple necklaces, rings, and somehow makes her store uniform look cool. When I first really took note of her, my immediate thought was "she gives me west coast vibes." My best friend agreed with me when we were in the store together and she was there. And she might not be from the west coast, but if she told me she was from san Fransisco, I would believe it in a heartbeat. She got like a modern Marissa from the OC style. (I didn't watch the show, only those couple gay scenes with her character in it, so don't come for me)

So anyways, for the first 3-4ish months, my brain would short circuit as soon as we would lock eyes. Like, I can't describe it besides just a fog or a mental lockdown. I could like make eye contact, but I would just be in constant panic. I also couldn't imagine what to do next. Thus, I would panic and choose to go in a different aisle than hers for the first while. I didn't know what to do with a gorgeous woman who had eyes on me. (ALSO; I would like to state that her vibes and style are so immaculate, that I almost expect her to be gay. I thought she was clocking me as another gay person at first, but then I realized that we gays don't stare at someone of the opposite gender THIS much. So she could be gay. Idk. I'm good either way.)

Back to the panic: so it took me awhile to actually get the nerve up to choose her aisle when I could. Then we finally like interacted. I finally got her name, and I like asked her how she was. This happened like twice, and then there was a time I came in right after seeing my nephews(socially distanced). It was a slower day, so I didn't feel hurried in moving along. I asked her how her day was, and she answered and asked how mine was. I mentioner being happy cause I finally got to see my nephews after months of not. She then asked how old they were. We talked for a moment before I knew I have to go. It was as I was picking up my bag that I paused and looked at her and said "I've been meaning to say, I like your style." She like paused and said thanks, and that she liked mine as well. I then said something like "see you next time" and left.

From then, I'd see her when I went in, but almost every time she was in the wrong lane. We'd lock eyes as I walked in, and as I checked out and left, but we didn't get to like talk. That is, until I was tagging along shopping with my mum the day after fucking election night.

I don't think I need to say that I was more anxious and distracted than I had ever been when going in, and glued to my phone; refreshing google and watching the numbers come in. I don't think I even looked up when I walked in. I was in another place. I should also mention that I had noticed that the cute cashier (that's literally my nickname for her) usually worked on the weekends. This was a wednesday. So I was NOT paying sttention. I just followed my mum around the store while watching my phone and trying to do the math to see if there was a possibility that biden could win. Well, my mother eventually stuck us in line to check out, and asks me to get off my phone and help her unload, thats when I lift me head, and I'm staring directly into her eyes.

She was bagging for our aisle, so she was just standing there in my direct line of sight. And she has been watching me, waiting for me to fucking finally look up.

I'm sure I looked beyond stunned. Because I was. I honestly was so braindead from the day, that it took me a moment of staring back at to her process as to what was happening. I got it together quickly tho and bantered and talked with her a bit as she bagged and I helped load. She definitely was doing more than most, if that makes sense. I challenged her to fitting all of the groceries onto one cart cause she said she could. It was fun, and I think I again said "see you around* or something like that as we left.

And once again, once we got outside, my mother now goes "oh that bagger was cute." And I told her that that was the cute one I had mentioned before. THEN SHE GOES "oh yeah I picked up on that vibe of y'all." And I WANTED to ask her what that MEANT, but I didn't want to push it and then have my mother know/be able to make things awakrd.

ANYWAYS, 3 chapters in, lemme get to last months. I fucking got in anxiety meds. AND MY WORLD CHANGED. my mental block and fog was GONE. I could finally see a pathway through to like actually talking talking to her. SO, I pulled out a receipt, wrote down my number, and stuck it in my wallet for the next time I saw her.

Welp, the next time that was, she was in the wrong lane and teaching a new cashier what to do, so there was no way I was gonna try and insert myself into that situation. BUT, as I was walking both in and out, we locked eyes as usual, but this time as I was leaving, I did like a quick smile which caused me to squint my eyes for a half second. It almost looks like when a cat does their slow blink at you. I saw her respond to that and like smile back at me as I left. It was the first time I had ever done anything that was direct and nonverbally flirty.

So, I had to go again last night. And my parents were putting us in strict lockdown for the next 10 days, so we had to stock up. Before we left, I rewrote my note. And I told my best friends what was happening, and no matter what was the situation, I was gonna give her the note.

Well, she wasnt there. I was extremely disappointed.

Annnnd that leaves us here. It's gonna be a good 10-14 days before I'm allowed to go out, but youd better fucking believe it when I say that imma be giving her my number the moment I see her next. So wish me luck.

And also in case anyone asks; I don't want to try any dating apps cause I hate them. Also I'm half asleep now she don't have the energy to go back and edit this. Hopefully it's coherent.

So I guess I'll update y'all when I eventually get to leave the house and see her again

[bottomlwjrights]

MO DAO ZU SHI REREAD:Thoughts™️....and Stuff

Chapter 43

Oh im trying so hard to stay calm as im about to read this but im so excited i love these chapters

Im really trying but even wwx making the effort to analyze lwj’s face is driving me nuts

Id just like to point out these chapters are titled “Allure”

Oh no this is like what he did when they were writing in the library

“Both his features and the hand at his forehead were impeccably fair in color. He looked as if he was a piece of fine jade”

Wwx was describing how lwj smells and how the sandalwood scent was warmed up by the wine and then said “the scent could almost be described as intoxicating” im gonna scream

“Now that Wei WuXian was near enough, the scent intertwined with his breaths. He couldn’t help but bent down further so that he was even closer to Lan WangJi. Vaguely, he thought to himself, Strange… Why is it starting to feel a bit hot in here?” Ohohoho

“Wei WuXian finally noticed that his heart was beating a bit too fast.” Shut uuuuuup

Okay im gonna lose my mind, i love wen ning

Also he left a man shaped dent in the ground when he fell

“Won’t you be a good boy?” Wwx calling lwj a good boy is canon so suck it i guess

Wwx brushing his fingers along lwj’s eyelashes is tender

Wwx, @ wn knealing in front of him: what the fuck are you doing? Stand up

Wwx obviously believes wn to be an equal to him, kneeling when he kneels, kowtowing when he kowtows until wn finally decides to stand in front of him

Wow anyways loved that ningxian moment

God....i feel so bad for wn...

Jin Ling....please...

This scene hurts me

Goddamn is wn someone who takes the blame for everything

Do NoT kiCk My BoY

Just a note, wwx does come to wn’s defense here, pulling lwj back and telling him to calm down

Wwx really doesnt like it when wn kneels to him

“Lan WangJi scrunched his brows and covered his ears. He then turned around with his back toward Wen Ning. Facing Wei WuXian, he used his own body to block their eye contact.” Lwj acts like such a little kid when he’s drunk oh my gosh

“Just as he was about to leave, Wei WuXian stopped him, ‘Wen Ning, why don’t you… find somewhere to hide first?’ Wen Ning paused for a second. Wei WuXian added, ‘One can say that you’ve died twice already. Go get some good rest.’” I dont care what anyone else says this is sweet “go get some good rest” 🤧

Lwj really took off his forehead ribbon for wwx without skipping a beat wow....

Oh and how wrong wwx is about it not holding any significance, he just doesnt know it yet

Trying to stay calm, trying not to scream about lwj taking off his forehead ribbon for wwx and then tying his wrists together with it

Knfnckc lwj reaching to take off wwx clothes again slnfckfk

“You said that you’ll listen to me, didn’t you? Be a good boy and take it off.” Twice in one chapter? Im being fed 

“Lan WangJi stared into the distance as he tugged at the ends of the forehead ribbon, contently swinging them around.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺 thats so cute

Ooooh lwj decided to show people when wwx said it would look bad on lwj if someone else saw them because he doesnt care if it makes him look bad hes gonna publicly claim wwx as his

Only ljy would hurl himself across a table to cover up a bottle of wine lmao

Lan WangJi is So shameless, holds up wwx’s hands tied with his forehead ribbon in front of his son and the other Lan disciples who know exactly what that means

Chapter 44

Chicken wing chicken wing

God im never gonna get over lsz shoving the chicken wing back into ljy’s mouth

Oh pls....lwj shoving wwx on the bed...

Oh!!! I forgot that after wwx said ow, lwj checked his head... he really didnt wanna hurt him

I really vibe with lwj being so concerned and gentle

“Sitting on the bed, Lan WangJi hugged his knees and clutched the hand that Wei WuXian had just licked to his chest, not moving at all.” I 🥺🥺🥺🥺

My god lwj was scared that he was gonna wipe it off 😭😭😭

Okay this is so so so cute, i dont care what anyone else thinks

“Hiding behind the screen, he showed only half of his fair-skinned face, peeking silently at the direction of Wei WuXian.” This tears me up

“You caught me”

“he enunciated each word with heavy emphasis and sounded anxiously eager” jakfncjfof gOD

Aw :( you’re not gonna lick me??? :(

Anyways lwj likes to be licked my wwx 👀

“Again clutching the hand that had been licked, he faced the wall silently.” Goddamnit this is so fucking cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Listen they should play chase or hide-and-seek post canon, like itd be so cute and sweet, somebody should hop on that 

“As he spoke, he held up one of Lan WangJi’s hands, bent down, and kissed between two of his slender fingers.” Listen im trying to not freak out but this is incredibly tender

“Wei WuXian’s lips pressed onto his distinct knuckles. Softer than the touch of feather, his breaths wandered to the back of his hand, and he kissed again.” This entire scene is too much

Hand and wrists kisses are so tender good god im gonna scream

“Over the clothing, he kissed where his heart was” jajfnkc so sweet!

“Suddenly, however, as Wei WuXian stared at those soft, pale-red lips, he didn’t know what had taken over him, but he suddenly went and kissed them.After the kiss, he even licked them, as though a kiss wasn’t enough.” AHHHHHHHH

I know that lwj wanted to deescalate the affection, but did he have to do it by knocking himself out???

“Even though he was drunk, even though he wouldn’t remember anything when he sobers up, I still shouldn’t have done something so outrageous… It’s too disrespectful to him.” This is important

God i love when characters touch their own lips after a kiss it’s such a good trope 

“In the future, it was best to not make Lan Zhan drink anymore” this is also important

Okay this was one of my favorite chapters to read so far

Chapter 45

I physically cannot handle lwj gently picking wwx up off the ground and putting him into bed right now

“... Wei WuXian could see Lan WangJi’s still-indifferent face. He immediately felt more awake...” i cannot

This entire scene is too tender for me, lwj rubbing ointments on wwx’s wrists...

Thinking about how wwx and lwj shared both their firsts kiss and how they’ve never kissed anybody except eachother

It makes sense that people including wwx would assume that lwj is straight bc thats what people do even in modern times (bc homophobia and heteronormativity) but also how tf does anyone think lwj is anything except gay

“It’s possible that he’s never even had such thoughts before…” “But judging from Lan Zhan’s habit of self-restraint, he’s probably really careful about not crossing any lines.” false.

Lwj just letting the juniors socialize, because hes good

Wwx once again taking any chance he can to bestow knowledge and wisdom upon the juniors, this time jl

“After the mention of Lan WangJi, Jin Ling looked to Wei WuXian in a strange way. He wanted to say something, but held it back, ‘You and HanGuang-Jun… Nevermind.It’s your own business. Anyways, I don’t care about you guys at all. Have fun being cut-sleeve. The disease is incurable.’”JIN LING 

“I already know the meaning behind the GusuLan Sect’s forehead ribbon. Now that it’s already like this, then stay by HanGuang-Jun’s side properly. Even if you’re a cut-sleeve, you should be a modest one. Don’t go about messing with other men, especially people from our sect! Or else, don’t blame the results on me.” Kandkckdkdn i can NOT

The scene kills me wow

As my reading buddy asked, why does wwx not mention wn when talking about how jc and lwj know who he is? Like does he not think thats pretty significant? especially bc thats one of the things that tipped jc off

LWJ IS SO SASSY 😨

Also pls stop picking on him about his memory

Ahhh the damsel of annual blossoms...

God i love wwx.....

Did lwj write the book that lsz read this from......

“Although still expressionless, an unusual glint hid beneath his eyes. He looked as though he was laughing at him.”

GOD “Wei WuXian’s heart skipped a beat and then thumped faster and faster.”

Lsz is the one to tell wwx about the meaning of the forehead ribbon

The lan juniors blushing thinking about what wwx means to lwj

Once again, wwx describing lwjs appearance in depth, talking about how dashing he is

“Along with that overly-pretty face of Lan WangJi’s, now that they met again, Wei WuXian’s eyes had momentarily been blinded by his looks, failing to immediately recognize him.”

“Softer than even the touch of catkin blossoms carried by the wind, the object made Wei WuXian’s cheek itch....The ends of his forehead ribbon danced in the breeze, gently brushing against Wei WuXian’s face.” Wow....i love this imagery with all my heart

The way that somethings are worded in this novel is just so beautiful

Lxc and the others lan sect disciples reactions....

Yanno the lan disciple who whispered “a man” definitely wasnt making things better, considering lwj definitely had a crush on wwx at this point

“He seems a bit too excited. It seems like he really loves HanGuang-Jun a lot. Look at how happy he is…” WHICH LAN SAID THIS

Wwx is so mortified by this entire situation because he kept violating something sacred to lwj, doing something so intimate like touching his forehead ribbon without his consent and he didn’t even really know that he was doing it 

[emerging-jew]

DNA tests are bullshit and here's why:

*attempt 2 because tumblr mobile only posted the first and last paragraph last time I tried this*

So to start I have a degree in anthropolgy and have studied under people with Ph.Ds in this subject so I have a pretty solid understanding of the issue with them. This post is gonna be a little oversimplified, just to make it more accessible to people.

The reason im making this post is that I've seen several accounts where a person takes the test and is incredibly distraught because "I'm not actually Jewish!" or "I grew up on the reservation but this says im %100 white!" both of those are referencing real cases and it is heartbreaking to see someone think they are a fraud and do not belong in their own culture because of a bogus test.

So what is the the issue with the tests?

Glad you asked. There's a number of issues with these tests, mostly that people don't know what's actually being tested. So let's talk about how (people think) they work:

You put your spit in the tube, send it off, some lab magic produces your whole genetic code and then the scientists look and see what percentage of you is German or Indian or English or whatever. Except that's not actually possible.

There's a misunderstanding about genetics in the general population that's being taken advantage of. There are no genes that can show your race/ethnicity with 100% accuracy. There is no gene that only Asians and no one else has and no gene that only Germans have an no one else. There are genes that are more common in certain groups, maybe people from Germany tend to have Gene "a" but the key word there is "tend", as in not always. There are people from Germany who would not have gene "a" but they are still German.

Going along with this, genes are not specific to a group, so maybe gene "a" is common for Germans... but also common for Nigerians and Polish people.

And another wrench is that people move, a lot. The tests base their findings on going out to the world, finding people, and using them as a base for what genes are common in that population. (this example is simplified so people can understand the basic principle of how it's working) So they'll test a bunch of people that say they're 100% definitely German and use that as the base. So maybe the test a bunch of Germans, find they tend to have genes "a" and "b" a lot and go "well people who have genes a and b are German".

Except those Germans might not actually be German. The standard they use is having lived somewhere for 3 generations (so if someone's great-grandparents immigrated to Germany from Russia their DNA counts as the standard for 100% German). So that gene "a" might actually be coming from an ethnic group in Russia not Germany.

now with a big enough sample size this problem would theoretically go away. Except everyone is moving all the time. Very rarely are there populations that are incredibly isolated and distinct. So most people being tested are going to have some sort of mixed ancestry they probably don't even know about (and also there's the issue of borders, race categories, ethnic categories, etc. being something which is changing and shifting all the time). But even if that issue was solved some groups don't have a big sample sizes, sometimes there's only a handful of people willing to share their DNA to be the base of their entire ethnic group (especially non-european groups).

Not to mention the issue of "trash DNA". One of the people I studied under did a lot of genetic research in Mexico. For over a decade they kept finding really strange genetic markers that didn't match up with what they expected to find so they just ignored it; until eventually figuring out those markers came from the sephardic Jews who fled the inquisition to Mexico so all of those people tested were having Jewish ancestory over looked because it wasnt understood at the time.

The tests can be fun. I wouldnt reccomend it because they're collecting health data and genetic markers to be sold and really don't tell you anything, but some people find it fun. Just treat ot more like an over priced horoscope than somthing that determines if you really belong to your culture. Your community and your family and your history determine that, not some spit in a tube.

[subarashiet]

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Breaking Out”

MY TIME HAS FINALLY COME

ITS TIME FOR ME TO GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA GO STUPID AAAAAAAAAAA ON TEXT POST THE TIME IS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FULL SOMNIE MODE ACTIVATED DONT LOOK AT ME (added mv instead so bc there are already TOO MANY pictures)

there are no read mores here so im sorry (im actually gonna apologize this time this is long™) IM GONNA BE VERY SPECIFIC

hella pictures, links, and words youve been warned™

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG i think a lot of us would agree that the introduction threw us off (i was also one of those people) but to be honest i dont mind it AT ALL?????? that kinda harmonizing sound during here and here i dunno what that is but i was vibing hard with it i really liked it and yeah it is different from their usual style but once i heaRD THAT GUITAR IT WAS OVER FOR ME I COULDNT- like i wanna bounce but i also wanna headbang at the same time

i mentioned this to gwen @wickymicky tho one thing i would say is i just WISH this song went harder??? i dunno how to describe it exactly but something heavier??? i wish i knew how to elaborate on what that means im sorry but i just know thats what i feel but other than that im very satisfied with this song!!!!!!

yoohyeon starts the song as if i wasnt vibrating with excitement already like her singing voice is just sounds so pleasant???? HIT ME WITH THAT SILENT NIGHT SILENT NIGHT i personally liked this part in the middle and how it built up into the chorus i FELT THAT IN MY BONES

MISS JIU YOUR VOICE its so soft yet powerful just like you GENERALLY LIKE HOW!!!!!!!!! youre literally the second person to sing and you got two things from me: 1. F UCKED UP and 2. my heart........................... like her bridge part just SO PERFECT LIKE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND-

S U A YOU CANT BE KILLING ME WITH NO WAY NO WAY LIKE WERE STILL IN AND THERE WAS NO ONE LEFT just something about her tone.................. im- pairing her with jiu for THIS my heart and my ears, yknow what ALL OF ME is just so happy and ‘you cant stop my heart’ well you sure stopped mine with your voice-

there is SO MUCH DAMI??????? THERE ARE TEARS???? IN MY EYES???? i was shocked to hear her so early on in the song but i welcomed it with open arms i love her deep voice so much her parts were nice (tho a little off as in not very ‘dami-like’ if you will not usual to her parts in their other songs) BUT when she was saying that part with love, lost, and hide it and her part at 2:31.......................... pls.....

HANDONG P L E A S E her parts at 0:40 and 1:39 were small but they sounded SO pleasant im cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a moot of mine mentioned in her tags somewhere about how handong’s voice sounds silky and like...................... thanks for saying it bc youre sO RIGHT like i cant even describe it in depth to yall bc it just makes me feeL GOOD hearing it!!!!!!!!

miss lee gahyeon hitting me with something gentle at 0:44 but then hitting me with this at 1:31 like with handong her parts are small but still impactful!!!! her voice is so nice to listen to like it sounds smooth??? i cant Words™ but yknow what im saying right-

SIYEON I COULD LITERALLY LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE FOREVER her voice for the chorus................ IM CRYING ITS SO CATCHY!!!!!!!!! SO BREAKING OUT OF THE DARK NIGHT is literally stuck in my head i cant- her voice is just SO unique right??? like its so powerful and it jUST H I T S YOU FULL FORCE side note: i found myself waving my hand with her when she sings bye bye thats so dorky of me leave me alone

THE DANCE L I S T E N i was PLANNING on trying my hand at gifs but i was impatient and we all know that pictures WILL NOT do this choreography justice but AS ALWAYS THEY COME THROUGH WITH SOME GOOD ASS CHOREO it doesnt hit as hard as their other dances but that doesnt bother me- there was a lot of Hands™ like a lot of emphasis on the hands and gestures (will mention more later) UUUUUM the dancing during the chorus with so much arm swinging and they all hit the air so hard with their elbows and fists i could really just feel that energy?? like all the effort and power they put into their dancing and to give it their all???? aka i feel tired just watching them dance

two parts i REALLY wanted to gif: 1. when yoohyeon does this with her hands up to 1:30................................... thanks and 2. this part with jiu and sua together................................... thanks x2

BONUS PICTURES:

so this pose is like their thing now right?????? this is from what???? i dunno what this means here but like im glad they have a cool pose that represents them

OKAY TWO THINGS: this was all i could focus on when i watched the teaser like siyeons face as if shes super into this (or was singing i dunno) and then jius face like is it THAT serious-

THE VISUALS ON TOP OF BOMB CHOREO THEY ALSO HAVE BOMB AESTHETICS FOR THEIR VIDEOS!!!!!!!! i would explain EVERY scene but i thought why not show the ones i really liked and put some thoughts under, some are more specifically about how i left looking at them (this is long enough already):

(i must mention beforehand that i loved the part with suas swing and jius rope too but i liked looking at these ones much more)

I KNEW THE MOMENT I SAW ALL THAT RED THREAD IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH FATE like i think actually believe in fate and stuff like that now bc LOOK at them their threads of fate all tangled together and s hit but also i just REALLY wanna see how they pass through the strings lmao

this part was haunting to me??? like i felt suffocated just looking at this??? i dont think thats how i was supposed to feel but this hit

do you see how disorienting???? do you feel that way too???? bc I SURE DID plus i dunno these colors, overlaying her looking in different directions and then at the end when they connect again in the middle my god yes-

okay i said i was going to mention hands and that theyre basically the most important thing in this entire video there are so many scenes of them reaching towards each other, wiggling their fingers and shaking their hands, but unable to even TOUCH you could really F E E L how DESPERATE.......... the WANT and the NEED to just connect together and bicth im gonna cry but its BEAUTIFUL™ (i was gonna add every shot that showed them reaching to each other but this is long enough already)

THIS JUST HITS HARD TO ME

ITS SUPER SYMBOLIC BUT IM TOO BIG STUPID™ TO PUT IT INTO WORDS JUST LOOK. AT. IT.

this is like gahyeons scene but it didnt hurt as much i love the color green but for this scene seeing that wall nearly crushing her and this color together i ACTUALLY felt scared and nauseous and again i dont think thats what im supposed to feel but i did and it also hit she is certainly........................... breaking out sorry

P L E A S E this is the ending and theyre all finally together and i think them standing in a circle and holding hands like is also their thing but do you see?????? yoohyeons smile?????? (im sure theyre all smiling at least i hope so)

T H E M

to the shock of LITERALLY NO ONE they are the seven (7) most beautiful women to walk this earth, so of course i was shaking continuously and my neck was getting broken every second i have nothing to complain about or even REMOTELY MENTION to change anything about them except i want damis shorter length back

plus their outfits and makeup looks are simple and nothing over the top and i think theyre wearing their teaser image outfits in the more colorful scenes but no complaints there like the white outfits when theyre surrounded by the red thread like they look great!!!!!!!!!! just nothing to specify (also their really cool looking earrings they just always have)

(also pls appreciate these screenshots they all come from a split second within their individual shots instead of the shots from the beginning bc i love making my job harder for no reason looking good as hell it took forever to get them okay moving on-)

JIU

someone pls tell me how she could make her face so intense...................... pls i thought i was gonna get turned into stone any second with how threatened i felt seeing her i just about died with all those damn close ups she got im TOO TIRED miss kim minji if looks could kill............................ her white dress was longer on one side so its lowkey just one leg and her shoulders out pls- that scene with the purple background and the rope and her eyes are purple too and just FULL of threatening energy....................................... dont hurt me

SUA

COME👏THE👏F UCK👏ON👏

ALL INSOMNIAS AGREE SHES A WHOLE MEAL™ this hairstyle and color on her specifically like this picture and its wavy i wish she could just keep that forever but yknow and that white dress shes wearing in this picture too with the sleeves pls you BEAUTIFUL BIH- her hair has a smaller pony tail in the red dance scenes and a whole pony tail for the swing i just wish i could see those styles better and I KNOW its a swing and the shot has to be far away but thanks for her side profile there im just saying-

SIYEON

THIS WOMAN™ this exact look with her hair straight and the one black glove and the one long sleeve that s hit hurted me and when they were dancing in the kinda red (i think its red) scenes shes wearing pants so good for her to stay on her brand plus i mentioned the green scenes earlier and she is THE Actress™ shes literally so stunning i had a hard time getting this screenshot bc i just kept looking and NOT doing this, her Power™ truly i finish with mentioning the eyebrow thing at the same part as bye bye................................. thank you

HANDONG

YALL ALREADY KNOW HOW IT BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS WOMAN IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IVE EVER LAID MY EYES ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the first couple of close up shots she got I DIED AT THOSE TIMES SHES SO ETHEREAL i will NEVER get over this hairstyle on her EVER and her hairstyle for that one dance outfit here like CAN WE JUST ALL AGREE that she just almost always looks Expensive™ and Princess™ like whenever we see her bc i cant deal!!!!!!!!! and i DID see her wearing that lavender outfit from her teaser image when that dropped during these scenes like i understand its supposed to be far away to express distance between others and how gloomy it is like that but i wanna see- ANYWAY I LOVE HER

YOOHYEON

let me just start out with how HAPPY AND THRILLED I AM that she has grey hair again like THATS HER LOOK™ shes also very good at being intense and powerful and that breaks every bone in my body but i had accepted it i wanna specify her little snarl hit me harder than it shouldve it lasted for literally a second she had the wavy hair too during those green yellow (???) and red scenes which i have to say AGAIN i wanna see it better but i understand why i finish this with her smile at the end i must mention it again pls my uwus-

DAMI

im sorry i need to start with full on wishing her hair was still that shorter length i miss that so much- ANYWAY this color on her F A N T A S T I C™ like this look with the black around her shoulders and she has a shorter dress instead of the long on one side like siyeon she was also wearing pants during those red dance scenes and honestly thanks im not even going to mention her scenes with handong again yall already know i wanna see it better

GAHYEON

LOOK AT HER she didnt have a lot of screentime like this picture comes from her first singing part and it was blurry but yknow that was aesthetic bc it focused eventually so ill let it slide literally she just has long black hair but she looks absolutely GORGEOUS in this mv!!!!!!!! i just wanted to see her more at all!!!!!!!! shes just so pretty and she got to have that cool scene with the plastic but like GIVE👏ME👏MORE👏GAHYEON👏NEXT👏TIME👏

LIKE i keep reminding myself that this IS a japanese song and i expected the style to be different so i guess thats why im not TOO critical about it i can totally hear how someone could be not so into it like that beginning part which doesnt sound like a dreamcatcher song if you didnt it was them yknow what i mean??? at least thats how i see it BUT PERSONALLY this is a pretty solid song!!!!!! ive been listening to it for two days straight and im feeling G R E A T!!!!!!!!!

IN CONCLUSION: GUESS WHOS GOING TO LISTEN TO THIS (AND THE WHOLE ALBUM) ON LOOP FOR WEEKS ON END YUP THATS ME

bonus bc i had to make this:

[00sheven]

business as usual

(taking a scary and unpredictable time and making it mor scary and unpredictable.)

well shit,

unemployment.

unemployment is insisting on giving me a good spanking.

when I was on it before I was using it as a safety net. a lot of stagehands will file for it to fill in gaps between work ( it is considered being under employed) so at least they receive some income when things get slow. it's not much but at least its something.

in my case I believe if I made over 200 and change I wasnt eligible to receive benifits. (maybe 300 I dont remember, but it wouldnt be much over that) it is impossible to live on but you can pay a bill and buy some groceries.

well silly me forgot to log sick time into one of my certifications.

you practically need a course in simple accounting when being a freelance stage hand when filling out an unemployment certification. (jokes.)

when you know you wont quailifiy you have to do it anyways.

how many hours did you work?

tally tally tally tally tally

who were your employers?

list employers 1 through let's just say 10

A) employer's name and address

how much money did you make?

tally tally tally (didn't get paid yet) guess tally tally guess guess tally tally.

did you look for work?

yes

provide contact information.

who

what

where

when

why.

have you pooped today and if do how many times.

hopefully you are getting the drift.

I was happy to do it, it was helping me out.

anyhow, forgetting to log in sick time.

I forgot to log in sevral hours of sick time and was paid by my employer and unemployment.

honest mistake.

well, I had to pay back the money, fair enough.

then I had to pay penalty money, understandable. they will let me make payments.

we are going to refuse benifits for (I cant remember how long) okay that sucks.

(apparently) you must continue to certify for benifits during this period to be eligible for unemployment benifits. that you are not going to recieve.

what I have not mentioned.

I was going through such a bad depression at that time that I couldn't even put on my shoes. I would sleep for one or two days at a time. I would leave my bed to eat and use the restroom, it was difficult to do simple things like hygiene related tasks. I know it's hard for people to understand. you really cant unless you experience it for yourself, and I wouldnt wish that on anyone.

I worked when work was available, but it was very difficult.

I scraped by and made enough to pay off the debt.

I thought I was done and got off unemployment.

although I needed it I managed to get by without out it. I ended up getting a job with the AV company (the one i was working with full time until all this craziness started happening. see earlier posts) on a freelance basis, and doing music production as a runner. I started making good money and making ends meet. dont get me wrong. I wasn't making enough to get an apartment. but I was making enough money to live a little more comfortably at the hobo compound. ( see hobo compound in previous posts.)

kick in the balls time. (recap)

I have to move from the hobo compound.

(the overlords are remodeling wont be taking tenets anymore) I am homeless, goose moves in at the outpost.

(see money breakdown in earlier post. if you think my bills went down, they didnt.)

covid 19

I work in the entertainment industry. no shows. no work. I get laid off.

(lots of other fucked up shit happens. review the blog if you wish.)

I have to refile for unemployment.

my case gets accepted, no mention of previous problems.

2 maybe 3 weeks later. nothing.

I check my account online last night.

your benifits are denied for this week due to penalty period.

the next week

your benifits are denied for this week due to penalty period.

what the fuck.

I paid the money back.

I paid the penalty money.

I did the pointless certifications.

how much longer is this going to last?

I tried to make a call to talk to them.

they are no longer taking calls.

I go online and through an online maze to find something close to a predetermined question that I can choose from that matches my situation.

it allows me to ask for information.

message sent.

we will get back to you in 5 to 7 business days.

okay I'll wait.

I have an indefinite amount of money to sustain the goose and I while we wait.

it's cool guys.

this commercial break is brought to you by the circle jerks and the endowment for the arts.

next

I wake up to a vague text message from the insurance adjuster.

as you can see from my response I required a little more information.

why?

what you dont know.

when dealing with my insurance company

I was kept in the dark

they didnt respond to my calls

I found out they settled my claim when I went to pay my bill

they sent the check to the hobo compound.

the check was issued to the guy I bought the car from.

they didnt notify me of a settlement at all.

they didnt inform me about where I should go to get my car fixed. as far as I know they got a random estimate and then subtracted 500 dollars for my deductible.

the payout to my claim was like 730. somthing dollars.

when I called them to inquire

goes though phone maze.

waits on hold due to covid 19

finally gets through.

it appears we forgot to subtract 20% for some type of fee. you were over paid we are going to stop payment on your check.

we can write you another check minus 20% or you can contact the insurance company the other party yourself to see if you have better luck. we are terribly sorry for the inconvenience.

yeah, fuck you.

so I call the insurance of the other party.

phone maze

on hold, covid 19

we thought this claim was closed

no it is not. I rejected the offer from my company. why would I pay a 500 dollar deductible when I am 100 percent not at fault.

we need to talk to your insurance company call you back.

they call back

we see you want to settle through us we are going to send a guy in a couple of days.

yesterday.

guy shows up hella early in the morning. (yell talks.) is rude. tells me a guy is gonna call me to discuss outcome of my claim. takes pictures. leaves.

today.

hella early receives text message.

try to text number the text originates from.

you can't text that number.

why would I want to speak to someone regarding my claim you ask.

well I'll tell you. it so happens I'm my case that people are dropping the fucking ball mother fuckers and I want to avoid any more possible complications and dragging this situation out any further than it needs to be.

so.

I call insurance co.

goes through phone maze

doesn't have correct option.

chooses incorrect option in an attempt to speak to someone.

gets put on hold due to covid 19

someone answers.

you need to talk to claims. I will try and contact your adjuster. (knows who I am because of phone number.)

your adjuster isn't available. I will put you through to someone who can give you the information you've requested.

gets put on hold.

other person picks up.

I repeat information to new person.

new person has no idea who I am. (has no information tied to my phone number.)

new person asks when the loss occurred.

I dont know that off the top of my head.

new person can't proceed without that info.

I dig the info up.

new person what was the other parties name.

I'm getting really annoyed at this time

digs up other parties name.

new person can you spell other parties name

I spell other parties name.

new person do you have a claim number

how may fucking people with that name on that date have had accidents mother fucker.

gets put on hold.

waiting on hold

waiting on hold

waiting on hold

new person comes back.

new person. here is the number and extension for you claim adjuster.

hangs up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze

puts in extension

phone rings

phone rings

phone rings

phone rings

some weird electronic music comes on.

electronic music plays instead of going to voice mail.

keeps playing

keeps playing

keeps playing

keeps playing

I hang up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze

something goes wrong hangs up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze chooses different option

something goes wrong hangs up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze

chooses different option

gets put on hold due to covid 19

something goes wrong hangs up

calls insurance company

goes through phone maze

puts in extension number again

gets put on hold due to covid 19

adjuster picks up the phone.

the clouds part and Angel's sing

talks to adjuster for 3 minutes confirming information is correct.

hangs up the phone.

next.

3/31/20

red tape circle jerks

[flower-of-the-desert]

can you please leave magnus alone? stop with this fake-ass loving, after all your anti-asian racist "meta" you've been posting. you showed time and again how racist you are. for example when you accused magnus of lying in that meta for s02e09. go stan that white homophobe you love.

I know I said I wasnt going to answer any trolls and hate asks but I’m going to make this one exception because I seriously need someone to explain the logic in this to me. Maybe I’m just stupid but I honest to god do not understand this ask (and it’s not the first I’ve gotten this exact message so honestly it’s even more baffling).

So please know that I’m asking the following questions in completely seriousness and I’m not being sarcastic or anything.

How did you come to the conclusion that I dont actually like him? Do you think I’m going to waste literal hours of my life every day blogging and posting about a character I secretly hate? Like, I’m seriously confused. Take a look at my blog (which you did apparently if you dug up that 2x09 meta) - 98% of the content I have is Magnus-related. I make post after post about all the things I love about him, how his story lines are going, I reblog every gif of his scenes I can find. Do you honestly think I’m doing that because of “fake-ass loving”?

Even if I was, what would the point of that be? Why do I need to pretend I like Magnus if I dont actually feel that way? If I hated him what’s stopping me from just saying so? I dont know if you’ve noticed but I dont really have a problem expressing my feelings about characters/plots I dont like. Look at the new one I tore into Simon the other day. Or every dumbass writing decision this show has made.

Really, I’m just super confused by this idea. What do I gain from it? 20 or so notes on a random Magnus post I’ve made?

But ok, let’s look at your examples. The 2x09 meta. I actually had to go back and read it because I was sure nowhere in it did I say Magnus lied. This is what I did say:

In the same vein, Magnus’s line about Izzy being an excellent liar is… well, I’m not sure whether to put it down as a continuity error or outright retcon because previously he said, and I quote, “I dont need magic to know when I’m being lied to” but apparently he does? Because now it turns out she managed to put one over him? Ooook. 

Maybe I wasnt clear enough so I’ll explain again. My point is that the narrative made a point of showing Magnus being suspicous of Isabelle’s actions and outright saying he could see she was lying. But he doesnt bring this up with Alec and even then says that Isabelle is an excellent lair when he explciitly says the opposite just the episode before. That is my problem with this scene. And ok, maybe the line she fed him about tracking down some drug-trafficking ring was more convincing than I thought. Maybe he did genuinely believe her afterwards and saw no reason to mention anything to Alec. Ok, fine if that’s your interpretation, cool. But it’s not mine. That is not how the scene came across to me.

So is that the anti-asian meta you mean? The fact that I dont think Magnus is 100% perfect and has never done anything wrong ever or that the narrative isnt always consistent with his character (or like any character really)? I mean… I guess it comes down to personal worldview in a way. If you need your favourite characters to be absolutely perfect, if you think every criticism of a character means that the character is actually hated by that person, I cant change the way you think. If you think that I’m racist because I refuse to be blind towards things Magnus has done that dont really sit well with me for one reason or another, well 🤷‍

I dont need nor want my favourite characters to be perfect. I want them to have flaws and I want them to fuck up and learn better and be better. I want to see their development. And when they fuck up or when the narrative around them fucks up I’m gonna get angry and I’m gonna say so. I’m not blind to Magnus’s flaws (or Jace’s flaws for that matter or any other fave I have) just because I love him. And I can say yes, I love this character but he done fucked up this time. Doesnt mean I stop loving him or that I never loved him to begin with.

Secondly, I’m guessing you mean Jace at the end there. And I ask, what does one have to do with the other? How does my liking Jace cancel out my liking Magnus? Please, explain this to me. Is there a rule book somewhere that I dont know about that says if you like character X you cant like character Y? Why is it impossible for me to like both Magnus and Jace at the same time? I’d understand it if like Jace was a dick to Magnus in canon or if they hated each other or something like that but given that they dont even interact with each other and when they do it’s usually positive I’m left confused again as to how your logic is working out here.

TLDR: I love Magnus. He is the frirst character I fell in love with in the show and the reason I kept watching. He’s my top favourite character in the show and books and one of my top favourite characters ever. No, I dont think he’s perfect and I dont always agree with his actions. And yes, I also love Jace. If those are your reasons for why I’m a fake fan, then I dont think there’s anything more left to say.

I’m not going to answer any more of these asks nor will I explain myself again. I’m here to enjoy my stupid entertaining show and my favourite characters and I’m not going to waste time with fandom police or people who think they can make judgements and personal attacks based on the fact that someone else has a different opinion than them.