#i wasn't truly interested in anything other than friendly chats

[n0heart]

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[rejaytionships]

Question for the platonic f/os

What was the moment your knew you were friends with s/i?

@avas-wonderland

guess i'll go first! :)

frankie and i were pretty much friends from the get-go, if i'm honest!! we met through our dads when we were toddlers, and pretty immediately we started getting along. i was a pretty social kid, which helped frankie get out of their shell since they were still adjusting to their new family.

we both really enjoyed outdoor activities, so of course we had something fun to do! admittedly, i was always the better one at tag, though... don't tell them, but i used to run slower so they'd have a chance to tag me more often, haha.

even our pokemon are buddies now!! my little buddy bumper, my rampardos, is always super friendly with frankie's empoleon, bubbles!! if your pokemon get along, you're bound to do the same as trainers.

Renée? It took a while, but we got there!

I initially met them when they challenged my gym, and truly didn't think much about them. They were fun and had a stellar fashion sense, sure, but as a gym leader I tend to see a lot of challengers, so I didn't think to say anything back then.

It wasn't until they started dating Emmet that I really considered befriending them. Their style was too hard to ignore! I knew I had to be their friend at that point.

I take them with me all the time to different outings so they can help me pick out what to wear for big modelling events. I'll even help them get something custom for their own wardrobe. Win-win!

Austin and I were always friendly, but not on the railway to friendship until they became rivals with Emmet.

They were a marvelous challenger! Although, they have admitted to me that single battles are not as easy for them as double battles are. I can see why Emmet took interest in them.

Our trains tend to stay on different tracks because of the nature of my job, but I've become acquainted with their consistent presence off-hours. They join Emmet and I in our discussion about daily battles and what we've learned from them for our following battles.

Our trains did not depart toward the destination of friendship because of a specific incident. It was a slow change that happened without us noticing.

Ooh, ooh, it was the best day of my life!

I try to be nice to all of the new villains, 'cause we're all on the same side, but she was super different! Like, I didn't even think she was a villain! No costume, no cool name, just dressed as herself going by her actual name. She was sitting with Father (scary!), which was weird 'cause he usually only sat with the same three or four people at our meetings.

So of course, I went to introduce myself, and she was suuuuuuper sweet!!! Arnie seemed all nervous and everything before I sat down, but she opened up pretty quickly to me. They even called me their first friend at the meeting! Wow!!! :D

Not only were we friends that day, but super mega ultra bestest friend ever!!! I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world! Well, maybe defeating those Kids Next Door, but that'd be way more fun with her alongside me, duh!!! What's the point of being cooler than kids if you can't even have your best buddy with you?!?!?!?!?

The literal second I saw Cro, I knew she had to be my best friend!

I try to be friendly with everyone who works at Skool with me, of course, but she was one of the only people I could completely open up to! From the get-go, we had fun chit-chatting about our days and we realized we both had sooo much in common! Plus she's a total sweetheart, I knew that big grumpy bear was all warm and fuzzy when you got to know her~

We probably became official friends about a month into working together, when we ran into each other at the local all-you-can-eat.

I even thought I was into her for a while! We met while I was mid-divorce, and she was super duper understanding! Turned out that us dating was an impulse decision, we're waaay better friends, really. Regardless, we're definitely meant to be in each other's lives! I wouldn't give my Crocro up for the world!

[roman-cates]

Roman looks like he just woke up. Bryce should have checked first. Ugh.

"Okay," he says out loud, "I'll see you in a bit." He takes his phone, laptop, and computer outside, and sits down at the fancy table. At one o'clock on the dot, his phone gives the special ring reserved for Boss.

"Hi Boss," he answers.

"I've poked around a bit myself the last few days," Boss says, straight to business as usual. "It seems like Rose didn't think you were enthusiastic enough at his little summit. He's been asking questions."

The sound Bryce makes isn't a growl. Not quite.

Boss chuckles. "Yeah. He's been careful, too. Hasn't spoken to anyone in my territory. Or any of my friendly neighbors. Been casting the net wide, back to your hometown."

"So, what, you think he's testing the information? Trying to zero in on me? Or do you think the sloppiness was a warning?"

Boss sighs. "Just because you were able to catch it, doesn't make it sloppy, Bryce. How'd he track you?"

Yeah, fine. "It looked like a two- or three- car tail. Reasonable. I should have caught it, though."

"Uh-huh." Her voice is flat. "And how many cameras did you have to check?"

"Only two. The tail wasn't awful, but he wasn't subtle about the delivery." Bryce pauses. "I didn't actually want to talk just to complain about Rose's people's incompetence, Boss. What am I authorized to do about it?"

Boss hums a moment in thought. "I don't want to tip our hand just yet. You'll get your payback, I promise, but if you're right about this whole thing -- and it's starting to seem like you are -- I want to remove Rose for good. I've spread it around that you've been working on a special case for me this week, by the way. Don't know who exactly will believe it, but should be interesting to see the reactions."

"You didn't let Mal send someone to --"

"No. You're still in charge of placing the cams. Told Mal I wanted your opinions from actually walking the places, and that it'd be a waste to send someone else if you were just going to follow up."

He lets out a sigh of relief. The fewer people who know what he's actually trying to capture, the better. "Thanks, Boss." They continue to speak about Rose for while, until Boss abruptly changes the subject.

"And what about that boy you got from Jord -- whatever their name was?"

Bryce freezes imperceptibly. "What about him?"

Boss snorts a little. "Sure, Bryce. 'What about…' Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Never." The response is immediate. She's one of the few people he's ever worked closely with that really, truly, could outsmart him at anything she tried.

"Fine. I'm trusting you, here. I don't want this blowing up in my face. In any of the myriad of ways it could."

He swallows. "No, Boss."

"We'll talk more about this later."

"Yes, Boss."

"On another note, just FYI, I seem to be making headway on the Mallory front."

"Politically?"

"That's right. We'll have to play this carefully. And unless she does something truly egregious, I can't have her hurt."

He'll have to tread carefully, here. "Boss, I--"

"No." Her voice is solid iron. "I am working with what I have, and I am not letting my feelings affect me, but I can't go against…Everyone, essentially."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay." He might sounds a little defeated. "Have you brought up other candidates?"

"I'm working on it." And now she sounds tired, frustrated, and older than her age. "This damn hide-bound-- I'm working on it. Any suggestions, oh consultant mine?"

He leans back in thought. "I've been pretty laser focused on Mal." Like you hired me to be. "I'll think on it. Anyone in particular you want me to keep an eye on? Age parameters?"

She gives him some names, none of which he's thrilled about. They chat a few more minutes, and she tells him she'll try to give him another call later this week. Day and time TBD.

He heads back inside.

Previous

"Okay. I'll see you in a bit."

Roman gives a tiny nod, relieved. Maybe there hadn't been a second part to the question. He watches Bryce leave, a little anxious that he's leaving, but... well... what can be done? Nothing. Roman can't do anything about it.

When Bryce leaves, Roman starts to absent-mindedly massage his left hand again. He closes his eyes... thinks about falling asleep again. Except...

Something doesn't feel right. There's an... almost tingling sensation in the fingers of Roman's left hand. It's like the other night... The feeling isn't in his fingers, he realizes. It's... where his fingers should be.

Once he realizes that, the feeling gets more intense. It... almost hurts. Roman can't quite decide if it does or not.

Roman tries a few things to see if they will relieve the sensation. Massaging his hand doesn't seem to help— it's not as if he can massage the affected area, either. He tries stretching out his hand, then tries squeezing it into a fist. None of it does anything. And the feeling is starting to actually hurt now.

There comes a point where the pain in Roman's missing fingers is almost the worst pain he's in right now. He clutches his hands to his chest, rocking a little bit and just trying to focus on breathing. Tears prick at his eyes. He's quickly becoming unaware of anything else and he doesn't hear the door open as Bryce comes back inside.

[gvldntrbl]

-🌺-

"C'mon," Daphne steered the younger brunette towards the kitchens. Food, then maybe a more in-depth chat in the gardens afterwards. "Let's get you something to eat. We have a ton of hybrid friendly and infused options." With a literal hybrid Prince, the Palace always made sure to accommodate both him and any other vampiric species that visited. "What did you plan to grab on the way home? We have it made for you instead." She offered, opening the door to the kitchens and following Roxy inside. The earth nymph asked for a small snack and drink herself. At least to hold her over until dinner. "You suppose?" She asked, dark eyes looking Roxy over. "I heard that it was Geneva who asked Evren to rescue you." Daphne was relieved when the other nymph appeared alongside Iris after they were taken. She was truly concerned for the hybrid's welfare. Daphne still was. Although, she thought it was best to give Roxy some space since her rescue and recovery. So as to not remind her of the harsh reality of their kidnapping and its resulting impacts. "How've you been adjusting? Returning to your life afterwards?"

She hummed and a smile upturned Daphne's cheeks when Roxy interpreted her emotion correctly. "I am happy, yes. But I still have my moments. My days where I'm reminded that all of this-" Daphne glanced around the kitchen, indicating more than just the room they were in. "-that everything I love can be taken away. Like that." Even though she wouldn't release said life and those she loved without a fight. The nymph knew that there were those that were stronger, more powerful, than she. While everything was not exactly temporary, they weren't exactly permanent as well. Life, and all those in it, were in flux. No matter the stage of said fluctuations. Dark brown eyes landed on her hands, attention on her wedding ring and its matching band. "It's why, well, you're helping me and Iris plan our wedding." She continued, her right hand going to fiddle with the marriage rings on her left hand. Daphne's fingers fell away from her other hand with a small laugh at Roxy's question. "No, it's not. We'd been kidnapped and you were certain that no one would come for you. Of course talking about wanting to die would happen. It, sadly, was the perfect time to talk about it then. So no, I don't think it was depressing. It was more enlightening than anything."

Daphne chuckled again when Roxy's blind date was mentioned. "Hale?" She shook her head, glad for her snack to arrive and began to tuck in. "No, they seem quite attached with the person they're with, right now. So no. Plus, I don't meddle in their life like that. That's an Iris trait." She paused. "Which? Meeting them didn't go well?" A thought came to her. "Well, shit. Wasn't our first introduction our kidnapping?" Daphne asked, realization in her tone as she looked to Roxy. She hummed. "Maybe it does run in the family." Daphne mused in an interesting tone. "And why? Do you want me to set you up on another blind date? With a non-child of me and Iris's?"

Roxy was back into the swing of work. She was planning a wedding for the Divine Forest and the heir naming ceremony. As she was packing up she heard Daphne call out to her. She turned to see what the other needed. “After this? Not at all. I was going to grab something to eat, but other than that, no.” Her brow rose at the mention of, or rather the hanging silence where she meant the kidnapping. “Fine, I suppose, or as fine as one can be considering. How have you been? You seem like you’re happy?” She was getting married after all. Roxy frowned. Their chat was depressing. “Is that a nice phrase for depressing?” She wouldn’t be surprised if it were to be honest. 

“Sure, I’m fine with either. This isn’t you trying to set me up on a blind date with the other child, is it? Because we’ve met and I want to forget that we did. To be honest, first impressions aren’t either of their things.” Maybe a second impression would be better like it was with Viggo, but she had low hopes for that. 

[litgwritersroom]

A Bitch of a Smile

Part Four of All's Fair in Casa Amor

read it on AO3 | chapter written by @crimswnred

Night three in the Villa. Tensions are high and the desperation is real as it's the last night for any of the girls to make an impression.

| Part One | Part Two | Part Three |

Bobby adjusted the black baseball cap on his head and climbed down the stairs, watching as Rahim and Shannon whispered to each other and looked pretty cosy together on the tiny sofa. Next to them, Siobhan tried a conversation with Noah and Henrik but only the latter looked really interested in the talking. He chuckled to himself, knowing damn well that with video or not, there was no chance in hell that Noah would actually bring a girl back.

He, on the other hand, was feeling free as a bird. Marisol looked like she was switching and good for her. She shouldn't feel as if she owed something to him and he for sure didn't want her to feel bad or guilty about him being single, so, in total respect for their friendship, Bobby was willing to go out and really try with these girls…

Oh, who was he kidding? He liked Astrid, that was all.

It was funny if anything. Throughout these two first weeks on the show, he hadn't felt a single flame. Not even a tiny spark. He had kissed some girls but there was never more than it. They turned out to be his mates, in the end, a pure stroke of bad luck. But in less than three days, Astrid had made him feel good again. She was flirty, beautiful and seemed to be really into him – even the other guys were telling him so. If she was playing the game, she was damn good at it and he was willing to let himself be played.

Deciding to take a chance this time, Bobby strolled onto the lawn, eyes searching for her as a smile grew on his face. Tonight, he would truly flirt with her, without averting her eyes and, who knows, maybe he should kiss her again. 

No. He would kiss her. 

But before he could find her, he felt a hand pulling the hem of his shirt. He stopped, then turned, only to find Emily smiling bashfully at him.

"Do you mind if we go for a chat?"

He looked over his shoulder, still unsure. In the end, he turned back to Emily and nodded. "Sure," he said, following her to the swings.

"So," she said as she sat down next to him. "I've noticed that you look a little… torn between Astrid and me, and I get it. It's not a fun choice to make but–..."

Wait, wait, wait. "What?" Bobby stopped her, for sure a puzzled look finding his face. "I'm sorry but where did you get this impression?"

She tilted her head, confused. "I'm sorry, all the girls have been saying… Am I wrong?"

He didn't know where, how, when. Did he say something wrong? Were there ever misleading moments? He tried to remember it. The boys were under the impression he would bring Emily back and, yes, he had been friendly with her. Did he somehow overstep? Maybe led her on? 

"Yeah, listen, Emily…" He turned his body to her, trying his best not to frown or look anything but sympathetic. He should make this right. "You're a really nice girl. You're fun, extroverted, the centre of the party and any guy would be lucky to have you. Like, look at you, right? You're flames. The thing is…"

But before Bobby could explicitly tell her he was not interested, she kissed him.

She closed the stupidly big gap between them so fast that he wasn't able to process it until he realised he had spent too much time kissing someone he didn't even like. As if lightning had struck him, Bobby jumped from his seat, breaking the kiss and looking at her with wide eyes and a long face. He was shocked, stunned. What the fuck?

"W-Where did this come from?"

Emily frowned and cocked her head back, the pure confusion drawn all over her face. Oh, god, he had fucked this up so badly. She liked him, didn't she? And he let her believe he felt the same. 

"I thought…" she stood, taking a step towards him, who took one back, almost instinctively. "Did I do something wrong?"

His heart sank. His stomach turned. Fuck. Bobby raised one hand to his forehead, pressing his fingertips against his skin. His head hurt. 

"You did nothing wrong, I just…" he sighed, trying to find his words and make them look better. Fuck. He had done this. It was his fault. And now he couldn't even properly do this. "Emily, I'm so sorry."

She looked down at her feet, shoulders slumped. "Is this about Marisol?" She asked with a tiny voice.

He wanted to explain it but nothing got out. Instead, he stayed there in silence, hanging his head and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Astrid, then?" She asked again.

He raised his head, making the terrible mistake of looking her in the eye. There was more than sorrow in them now. Anger. Disappointment. Resentment.

"I'm so sorry." It was the only thing he could say now. "It was not my intention to make it seem like there was something there for me. I'm sure one of the other guys will treat you so much better than I ever would."

Emily stood, one hand at her hip. She looked shocked. Incredulous. She rolled her eyes, staring at him with a scowl. Everything reminded him of what he had done. "It's fine, Bobby, no need to play nice now." She huffed, crossed her arms and pushed past him. "I don't need your bullshit." 

He turned on his heels to watch her leave the swings, going directly towards Siobhan, who was now hanging out with Shannon inside. Bobby sighed, kicking the lawn and hanging his head back.

Astrid.

His eyes searched for her again. He needed to tell her what happened. If Emily and the other girls thought he was somehow interested in Emily, there was a great chance Astrid also believed that too. He needed to tell her what happened. For better or worse.

Bobby walked down the lawn, this time straight to Astrid who was sitting on the daybeds alongside Noah, both of them laughing loudly – or at least, the loudest Bobby had ever heard Noah laugh. She had one hand supporting herself behind her as she leaned back and hung her head. Noah, on the other side, was looking down at his own feet, shaking his head with a grin and lingering laughter on his lips. Their knees were nonchalantly touching, the sight making Bobby's stomach flip.

Because I haven’t thought about it, Noah had told them just this morning when they were talking about switching. Now, Bobby was left wondering what he meant.

Before he noticed what he was doing, Bobby reached them, hugging Astrid from behind and letting his arms fall over her torso. She tilted her face upwards, looking and smiling widely at him. His heart fluttered and the butterflies showed up again, his head feeling light. 

"I thought you'd never join us!" She said, resting her hands over his arms and squeezing them.

"Had to find this new cap," he responded, a smirk working on his lips. "How do I look, lass?"

He wiggled at her and she giggled, blushing. "I knew it would look cute on you."

Bobby chuckled, resting his chin on her head and bringing her closer before he tickled her and she broke into a feverish fit of laughter. He had almost forgotten Noah's presence if it wasn't for the taller boy insisting on clearing his throat and bursting their little bubble.

"Is it ok if I stole Astrid for a chat, Noah?" Bobby asked him.

Noah looked embarrassed at Bobby's request. He stood, smoothing his jeans. "Yeah, sure, I was just about to leave anyway, gotta find Rahim."

"I'm pretty sure he's still snogging Shannon's face off," Astrid said, nodding back to the Villa.

"Yeah, probably… anyway, thanks for the chat, A."

A. Bobby scowled watching Noah leave but in the end, he decided to leave it as it was. He had had too much emotion for a single day. There was no need for getting himself into additional problems.

He still had to tell Astrid about Emily.

Oh boy.

"Wanting to be alone with me, then, Bobs?" She said as soon as Noah was out of earshot, tilting her face back to face him.

Bobby broke their hug, sitting with her on the bed – the same one they had been sharing since the first day of Casa. His eyes wandered off to the Villa as his head tried to work the words out. He needed to be more assertive and needed to play this right. The boys were right, after all. He couldn't let this opportunity go to waste. Not because of the game but because he liked her. 

He liked Astrid.

So much.

"Something happened…"

Astrid's face screwed itself to a confused one and then, a concerned one. "Is everything ok?"

His heartbeat raced. It was going so fast now that he was sure it would escape his chest at any given time. 

"So…" breathe in, breathe out, he bit his lips and closed his eyes. "Emily kissed me." He burst out, so fast that it almost felt like the words were capable of burning his tongue. He wasn't sure if she heard it and he wasn't going to repeat it. 

Silence.

He shut his eyes tighter, lowering his head.

Oh, he had fucked this up already.

Without knowing it, he started explaining himself. "It was so fast. I was talking to her, she told me she was into me and wanted to know if there was something between us. I got so confused 'cause for me… 'cause for me there never was. So, I tried to tell her that but she kissed me. I swear I broke it off and turned her down as soon as I realised."

Her voice was steady, a little more serious than he was now used to hearing it.

"Why are you telling me this?"

There it was, the chance he had begged for all summer, slipping through his fingers.

With all his might, he tried to grab and keep it. He raised his head again and locked eyes with her, before confessing. "Because I like you." 

But then the weight of her hands found him, the warmth of her skin emanated to him and she squeezed his hands. 

"What did she tell you?" Astrid asked him with a soft voice. Almost concerned. "You seem worried."

"That the girls were commenting that… that we had something going on? I don't know what I've done to make her see something between us but I feel like pure shite now."

Astrid slipped her right hand over his, locking their fingers. "Bobby, hey, Bobby," she called, making him look at her again. "No need to worry. You've done nothing wrong. She was the one telling people you'd take her back, not the other way around. All she wants is to be part of the main Villa. She's playing the game."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I do," she nodded promptly. "Annnnnd I like you too," she giggled, scooching closer, allowing him to take a look at her beautiful face. Was he dreaming? It felt like dreaming. "I had a feeling she'd try something tonight. Actually, it's a relief that she only tried it now…"

"I should've put an end to it as soon as I figured I wasn't interested," he huffed.

She nodded. "At least that's over with now." Astrid pulled a face, making him chuckle. 

"Ah! I feel silly now. Thought you'd make me sleep alone tonight!"

He propped himself onto one of his elbows, turning his body to her as if he was shielding them from the rest of the Villa. She did the same, mirroring his pose with a smile.

“But I must say, it takes a lot of balls to kiss you while you're wearing my cap."

He chuckled at that, shaking his head. "I guess she was too eager." He said, with his signature boyish grin and a half-shrug.

Astrid gasped, shoving him. "Oh, now you're just getting cocky."

"A pretty girl just told me she liked me, it's hard not to gain an ego boost," he said, leaning closer to her.

"Boy, you better stop calling me pretty before I believe it."

"Oh," he frowned, tilting his head as his grin turned to a mischievous one. "Did you think I was talking 'bout you? I meant Emily." She gasped again, her mouth shaping into an 'O' before she stood. "Too soon?"

"You shall face my fury now, Bobby McKenzie!"

And with that, she threw herself over him, rolling him over and pushing him back to the mattress while her hands tickled him all over, making him roar with laughter. In a second, she was straddling him, her long blonde hair like a curtain over their faces as she locked their gazes and rested their foreheads together, both panting and smiling at each other with hearts racing in sync.

Her eyes flickered from his eyes to mouth and eyes again. "I might keep you like this all night," she whispered, brushing their lips slightly before intertwining both of their hands together and bringing them over his head. He couldn't help but smirk when she winked. "As a punishment."

"Please, don't threaten me with a good time," he told her back before capturing her lips with his own.

Kissing her was his new favourite thing. He could taste the cheap champagne, could feel her hands cupping his face and see the smile of approval that she had once his own hands were resting on each side of her waist. Surely, there was nothing better in the world than this, not that he was aware of.

Astrid let a sigh escape her, welcoming his tongue inside her mouth. In an almost instinct, Bobby brought her closer, causing her to spread her legs even further over him, the friction of his jeans and the lace of her underwear being the only thing separating them. God, it had been a while…

"Oi! You two lovebirds," Gary shouted from nowhere, making Astrid pull back and look up. "Get a room, will ya?"

She rolled over him, giggling furiously as she burrowed her face in the crook of his neck and he hugged her, hoisting them up and helping her stand before he turned to Gary and flashed him the cockiest of smiles and shouted back: "No need to ruin it for me just 'cause you're not getting some!"

Gary and the boys around – Lucas, Rahim and Henrik – fell about laughing looking like a group of teenage boys that just heard the word "boob" for the first time. Bobby rolled his eyes and shook his head, circling Astrid's waist with one of his arms. "Sorry 'bout them."

"We were not very discreet so it's not like I'm shy," she grinned at him. "I might need to fix my makeup, though..."

"Yeah, sure, I'll be with the boys!" He kissed her cheek before letting her go. "See ya!"

He watched her going, hips swaying side to side, making the view from behind look almost as beautiful as the front one. She went straight to Ali, pulling her back inside the Villa but not without checking behind her shoulder, stealing a chance to take one last look at him. When they locked eyes, she threw him a kiss, to which he chuckled and sent it back. He was down bad.

When she was out of sight and, more importantly, out of earshot, he made his way to the boys in the kitchen with a bitch of a smile working on his lips. "Gary, I'll fucking kill you."

"Next time go somewhere private, my dude," Gary said between chuckles.

"Like the pantry?" Bobby shot him a glance, opening a cupboard. "Where are the crisps?"

"It's a party, Bob, where do you think?" Henrik piped in, nodding at the three bowls filled with crisps on the counter.

"Shit, I didn't notice it."

"I wonder why," Gary added making him roll his eyes, unable to hold back his smile.

"So, are you switching, then?!" Lucas questioned Bobby, raising an eyebrow at him as he grabbed some crisps. "You and Astrid seem to get along well."

"That's for me to know and for you to find out."

"He's switching, 100%." Gary nodded knowingly. 

"Good for you mate," Rahim nodded, satisfied. "Good for you."

Bobby was about to say something when he heard a phone going off. He turned, looking at Lucas, who was holding his phone in his hands before he shouted. "I got a text!"

The other islanders all huddled around Lucas in less than a minute. Astrid came too, her lipstick looking way less smudged as she squeezed herself beside Bobby, who snaked both arms around her waist and brought her closer.

"Islanders, it's time for a game of beer pong! Please, head to the fire pit. Hashtag I dare you. Hashtag knowing me, knowing you."

Gary bolted out of the kitchen dragging Ali with him between laughs and the islanders followed the lead shortly after. Bobby and Astrid took their time, strolling the lawn to the fire pit slowly, hand in hand.

There was this big ping-pong table in the middle of the fire pit. They stood back while Siobhan read the rules. It was a boys versus girls game and if one of your cups was hit, you had to drink it and do whatever dare was written on the bottom. Fun, right?

The first to play were Gary and Shannon. Despite all Gary's big talk, Shannon easily scored in her first try, causing him to neck his drink and read the dare.

"Switch clothes with an islander of the opposite sex," he read it out loud before immediately throwing his shirt at Ali, making her snort.

While they switched clothes Bobby caught himself wondering if he had ever seen Gary have that much fun. Lottie would never join in with his silly jokes and the embarrassing challenges, even if he asked her for it, while Ali just seemed to… get him. 

But he immediately shook the thought off his head. It was unfair to compare them like that.

The group clapped when Gary finally found a way to slide Ali's dress down his hips and even Astrid was roaring with laughter as Ali striked a pose with Gary's large jeans.

"You look ridiculous, mate," Lucas said between chuckles. "That dress is too much."

"Peak television," Henrik agreed.

"None of you can rock a dress better than Bobby," Astrid added, crossing her arms as her eyes were lit up with humour. "That was peak television."

"I'm sorry?" Gary feigned shock, looking at Astrid with his mouth in a perfect 'O'. "This, my darling," he paused, striking a pose, "it's elegance."

"Sure, sure…" She rolled her eyes playfully.

"Why don't you go then, Astrid?" Emily piped up as she picked her nails. "Since you already made yourself the centre of attention… again?"

From the corner of his eyes, Bobby watched the playfulness of Astrid's face melting as a scowl replaced it. 

"At least I know how to keep my tongue inside my mouth," she said softly before turning on her heels and marching to the ping-pong table. "C'mon, who wants to face me?"

Bobby was about to join her when Henrik quickly untangled himself from the crowd of islanders and stood on the other side of her. They tried twice before Henrik finally dropped the ping-pong ball inside one of the red cups.

"Unzip someone's trousers," she read, giggling to himself and eyeing Bobby with blushed cheeks, "without using your hands."

There was a choir of "oohs" and "aahs" as Bobby smiled down to his feet with burning cheeks. He could hear her getting closer and, when he looked up again with a smile that would probably be read as cocky, she was facing him.

"Do you mind?" She whispered.

He did too. "No at all."

She winked at him and ran her fingers through her hair, before tying it up and kneeling down before him, causing the boys to go crazy. Bobby could hear them screaming and jumping up and down like crazy as himself couldn't believe that this was happening to him.

Bobby looked down at her, watching her up close as she bit down her own laugh and leaned forward, grabbing his zipper between her teeth and looking at him. His body was now stiff from the contact and a fire grew from his toes all the way up to his ears, barely letting him hear a thing around them.

She slowly brought it down, making him flinch with the slow movement. Her face was too close, her eyes were too magnetic, the moment was too intimate. And when her cheek brushed against his jeans, he felt his cock twitch, holding his breath. It had been, what? Weeks? Nearly a month? One could call it a drought.

But then she was done and up again. Standing in front of him with a mischievous smile before turning around and letting him hug her from behind as the others clapped and he burrowed his face in her hair. 

"Fuuuuck me," he muttered.

And he was sure that he heard her saying, in a breath: "Later."

Bobby couldn't pay attention to the next part of the game but Rahim and Blake took too long before she finally hit his cup. He took his time, drinking slowly, time enough for Bobby to cool off and relax behind Astrid.

"Snog the islander you fancy the most and the islander you fancy the least." Rahim read out loud, staring at the bottom of his cup.

He took a look around, stopping right when he clocked Shannon. Within seconds, they were already snogging each other's faces out. Bobby hid his face on Astrid's neck laughing while the boys all wolf-whistled and chanted Rahim's name. The girls on the other hand were giggling and clapping, watching as the boys went wild. 

They broke off the kiss some good time after and Rahim turned back to face the other girls. His eyes longed a bit on Astrid, who nervously played with her hair, combing them out of her back and letting it fall to the side, showing Bobby a glimpse of another tiny tattoo.

But Rahim dodged her and strolled to Siobhan, giving her a proper snog that didn't last long and didn't get that much applause and cheers from the other boys. 

"Ugh, that's brutal," Astrid whispered when Bobby rested his chin against her shoulder. "Like, even if I don't like him, I was already gutted thinking he would choose me."

"I know," he said softly. "I'd feel like a mug."

"Ok, ok, that's fine," Gary clapped, grabbing the attention. "Next man in line, please!"

"Why don't we do Bobby and Emily?" Siobhan suggested as she fixed her makeup.

Bobby just shrugged and squeezed Astrid's waist before getting himself into position. Emily left the crowd, too, standing right before him. It didn't take long until she had hit one of his cups.

He grabbed his blue cup, hanging his head and letting the cheap warm beer slid down his throat all at once. He could feel the disgusting light hints of alcohol slipping under his tongue. God, who told the producers it was a good idea to let a bunch of beer out in the hot Spanish summer.

Still grimacing from the bitter taste, Bobby turned his cup upside down and read the paper glued to it out loud: "Take off all of your clothes but your underwear."

He heard clapping followed by a wolf-whistle before the girls were all chanting 'take it off' at him. He sneaked a glance at Astrid, who was laughing and chanting as she used her hands as a megaphone.

Bobby winked at her, sending Astrid into another fit of giggles while he unbuttoned his shirt. "Well, at least my pants are already half opened," he said, making the boys roar again. On the other side of the table, Emily huffed, but it was soon muffled by the rhythmic applause from the other girls.

With a smile that he couldn't drop and pink cheeks, Bobby unbuttoned his shirt and let it on the table. As he finished taking off his jeans, Henrik and Gary snuck closer and snapped his pieces of clothing out of his hands, running around the villa with them on hands as if they were flags and screaming like idiots. 

"Very funny, now give it back." Bobby shouted, catching Astrid's eyes. She was smiling but the hint of humour in her face made Bobby feel self-conscious. God he was wearing boxers and converses. Not a good look. 

"What?" Gary asked, taking Bobby's jeans from Henrik's hands. "This?"

And as the girls laughed, there was a huge splash on the pool as Gary came out of it, soaking wet, leaving Bobby's clothes behind.

"My dress!" Ali shouted, but by the joking tone of her voice, she was not mad at all.

Bobby laughed it off, feeling his cheeks burn a little as the boys joked about. 

Astrid got closer to him, taking his attention out of the lads. "Do you want a towel?" She asked him, not louder than a whisper. "To cover."

"It's that bad, huh?" There was a smile on his lips that didn't meet his eyes.

And she sure realised it, cause she got closer, circling his waist with her arms as he did the same to her. "I mean, I would rather have the vision for myself, you know? Feels weird knowing three girls here have already kissed you and seen you half naked."

Bobby chuckled. "Not everyone had unzipped my jeans with their mouths, though."

"And I better be the only one to do so," she said, narrowing his eyes playfully at him.

Bobby was about to tell her how she was the only one he was planning letting be that close but Noah's voice interrupted him. With an apologetic look on his face, the librarian turned to them and said: "I pick Astrid."

There were a few gasps as Astrid untangled herself from Bobby and walked to Noah with a confused look over her face. Bobby watched as his friend glanced at him as fast as he turned back to Astrid to whisper something. 

And before Bobby knew it, they were kissing.

The few seconds they spent like that felt like hours for him. It surely wasn't long and passionate like their kisses but it lasted longer than it should have. A bitter feeling grew on his stomach, a feeling he hated. He tried to keep his composure, sitting on the bench in front of the table, the cold of it only making him feel even more stupid with his boxers, converses and cap combo.

Suddenly he wasn't having that much fun.

When they finally parted, it was liked someone had just turned the volume of the TV up. He could hear the cheering and the claps, not so loud like the other turns but happy nonetheless. 

Astrid came back to him immediately after, looking like she couldn't be bothered by Noah which surely made Bobby feel a little better. She looked at him, tilting her head with a smile that was hard to say no to and raised her eyebrow as if she was asking permission. Bobby straightened up, confused, before she sat down on his lap and kissed his cheek.

"What was that about?" He whispered, trying to distract himself from the fact her legs were brushing his boxers and that his hands were palming the skin between her top and skirt.

"He had to kiss the girl he thinks is wife material."

That stung a little. But Bobby raised his chin and smiled at her charmingly. "That checks out."

The game kept going for a while. Siobhan gave Henrik a body shot and he returned the favour on his turn, giving her a sexy massage. Blake's dare was to do a sexy crawl to the islander she fancied the most and Bobby felt relieved that his challenge was just to take off his clothes.

Ali had to suck the earlobe of the prettiest girls and she chose both Blake and Astrid – who was left with a fit of giggles and reddened face that gave Bobby some idea of what she enjoyed. And that was not the last time she stood up again that night with Lucas asking her and Blake for a three way kiss that looked more sloppy than enjoyable.

The last islander to have a challenge was Emily. She had to choose an islander to arm wrestle for a kiss on whoever they liked. Bobby didn't even have to try to guess who she was going to pick right.

"Astrid," Emily said with a disdain that didn't sit right with Bobby.

Gary and Rahim set everything up for them so it would be "as fair as possible" according to them. Bobby watched as Astrid flipped her hair back and set her elbow in place, looking pissed. And hot. Very, very, very hot. 

Oh, Bobby hoped she won.

"Ready? Set. Go!" Rahim counted before letting go of their hands. The girls were cheering, the two groups really clear now. While Ali and Blake were squealing beside Astrid, Shannon and Siobhan were saying some encouraging words next to Emily.

For the most part of it, the match was pretty even. Every time one of them would get the upper-hand, the other would find a way of turning around. Until almost the very end, Bobby couldn't tell who was going to win but then Astrid glanced at him and bit her lips, forcing her arm to the side and taking Emily's with her until they touched the table.

"Astrid wins!" Rahim shouted, the boys celebrating and (half) the girls squealing. Bobby took her by the waist and twirled around.

"That's my girl!" He screamed, making her giggle.

When she was back to the ground and the celebrations had wind down, Rahim cleared his throat. "Now you have a prize to collect, miss."

Astrid laughed and, with a grin, she took Bobby's neck by the hand and kissed him full on the lips, pressing her body against his and taking a grasp of his hair. In no time, Bobby's hands were on her hips and his mouth was meeting hers again, the bitter taste of beer and the loud screams of the others taking his senses. He wanted to be taken by this moment, to be stuck right there. With their lips together, with happiness around them and with his heart beating with a feeling he hadn't felt in a good while. Over and over again.

They broke the kiss but didn't break their embrace, not until every other islander had gone to bed. Gary told him he was sorry and left hand in hand with Ali. Rahim also left together with Shannon and so did Lucas and Blake. Shiobhan and Emily left shortly after the couples, whispering to each other while Emily took a few glances back – but every time she did, Bobby just avoided her eyes.

Noah was the last one to go before them, nodding with an awkward smile. That weird feeling struck Bobby like a lightning but he gladly let it go again as he watched Noah head to the daybeds.

"We should leave too…" He told her, resting his head softly against hers.

She puckered her lips, looking at him. "Do you think if we asked Emily to sleep on the daybeds so we can sleep inside, she would?"

"After how you beat her ass?" Bobby laughed, squeezing her and making her giggle too. "I think she would tell you to fuck off."

"Probably." She nodded knowingly. "I just wish we had more… privacy, if you get me."

Oh, he did. He. Fucking. Did.

They made their way to the daybeds without hurry, chatting about the challenge and the day. She felt more at ease now than the day before, probably due to him telling her how he felt. It was absolutely not the right way to play this game of Love Island, at least not during Casa Amor but being honest was always Bobby's policy and he did believe it was the best. 

After changing to their pjs, Bobby snuggled under the duvet, his usually warm body feeling the chill breeze of the night a little. His eyes followed Astrid as she tied her hair up and laid down next to him, turning to face him with a smile he couldn't help but mirror before bringing the covers under them. 

"Today was fun," she whispered to him, her never resting eyes watching him with a hint of humour.

"Glad you're liking your Villa experience…" he told her as he brushed his fingertips against the soft skin of her arms nonchalantly.

"Are you?" She raised an eyebrow. "Enjoying your Casa Amor experience, I mean."

"Actually, yes." He said, looking up, then back to her. "You've made it much easier."

She opened a wide smile, an honest one, sending the butterflies right back to his stomach. Even in the darkness she was gorgeous and he could feel his body being pulled by her, racing his heartbeat, as her fingers held his neck and her thumb caressed his cheeks. Before he knew it, there was a gap so small between them all he had to do was kiss her.

So he did.

It started as sweet as their other kisses did and escalated as quickly too. All at once they were tangled under the sheet, he was leaning forward – almost on top of her –, her hands on his hair and back, his legs between hers and her camisole rolled up, exposing her hips. He could feel his heart beating fast and hard, a now familiar warmth radiating between them as he pressed their bodies together and his cock throbbed against her underwear. 

And she must have felt it too, because she rolled her hips and palmed a hand against his stomach and slowly stroked her nails – down, down, down. Until she was playing with the waistbands of his shorts.

Bobby moved his lips from her mouth to her jaw and she opened it to him so he could leave a trail of wet kisses on her neck before he nibbled on her ear, earning a delicious, involuntary and low moan from her that made him want her even more.

"Found your weak spot?" He asked in a whisper against her ear.

She nodded, closing her eyes, and he could see the goosebumps it sent through her body. He moved one of his hands under her camisole, feeling her soft skin before he cupped one of her breasts and teased her already hard nipple with his fingers as he hummed with approval next to her ear.

She gasped, immediately biting down her lips in a way to keep quiet and Bobby kissed her neck again, moving his other hand to the other breast so she could also pinch and tease it too before his kisses followed the path of his hands and he had them on his mouth.

With a pop, Bobby left a nipple and moved to the other, letting his hands travel even further, until they found the black material of her underwear and she flinched, making him smirk. His fingers took their time, circling her clit carefully as his lips and tongue made their way back to kiss her.

Her hips rolled again, this time against his hands, and he took that as a plea. With both hands, he rolled her knickers down to her ankles, letting her kick it before his fingers were back to her clit and he was biting her lips. 

"So fucking wet."

Astrid's mouth hung open and she frowned her brows but her chocolate eyes never left him, not even when her hips synced with the slow movement of his fingertips.

Not even when he slowly slid a finger inside her. She let out a breathy moan, doing her best to keep quiet but wanting him to watch her. That made his cock throb; lust and need almost taking over him. He wanted to fuck her so bad, he needed to fuck her. But he wanted her to cum first.

Bobby pumped into her with a slow pace before inserting a second finger. Astrid took his hair by the hands, pulling it in random movements that made him increase his speed. "Bobby…" she let out with the most beautiful voice in the world when she worked her hips on his fingers and a high pitched moan dropped from her lips.

He couldn't help but grin as she turned her back against the mattress so she could move her hips better. Like that, he found the way to her earlobe again, biting it and humming approvingly against it as he curled his fingers inside her and watched her clasping a hand over her mouth while the other pinched her own nipples. 

And with a muffled moan followed by a muffled "Bobby," he felt her walls clasping around his hand and her body stiffening before it relaxed. He worked her through it, as little shock waves and goosebumps took over her.

Astrid turned to him with a smile, panting. She leaned forward, her nails brushing his skin again when they heard:

"Are you two done?" Noah asked from the other bed with a hint of humour mixed with another thing.

Bobby's eyes widened and Astrid mirrored him. The two of them kept staring at each other until Astrid finally gave in and snorted. He followed her, laughing loudly beside her as she burrowed her face on his chest and he hugged her.

"Sorry, Noah, mate!"

Next time

“You look like the feather duster from Beauty and the Beast.” He said.

Her smile turned to a thin line.

“Weirdly, I always fancied the feather duster.”

She snorted. “Come on, let’s go eat. God knows we’ve worked up an appetite this morning.” 

Part Five.

[bookishofalder]

Night Changes [Three]

Summary: In which the fragile state between Poe and the reader is shattered, a mission is assigned, and everything goes to hell. 

Warnings: Swearing, an actual fuck-ton of angst, light smut mentions, sad fluff, grief. WC: 14,090

To avoid too much free time you had begun working late any days that you could, making excuses to run diagnostics on your ship, tinker around or simply clean it. You left the maintenance to Ana, your lead mechanic, but knew enough to at least make yourself feel busy. The less free time you had, the less time you spent overthinking your life.

Today, you were both avoiding your thoughts as well as a specific person. Though truly there was nowhere on base he wouldn’t be able to seek you out, and your hope that staying in your flight suit in the hangar would be enough of deterrent proved futile.

The healer still showed up.

At the sound of approaching footsteps in the otherwise quiet hangar, you turned your head and instantly felt like an animal trapped in a cage. At this point, just over a week since meeting the man, you’d run out of excuses to try and encourage him, as nicely as possible, to fuck off.

Healer Rush Derrin was...annoying. To put it lightly, that is. If you were being honest, he was easily the most irritating man you’d ever met, and also the most clueless. Your initial attraction to him felt ridiculous now that you had one-failed-date and too many follow-up conversations that showcased just how self-absorbed and uninteresting the man was.

He’d found you a few days after your initial meeting, in the hangar as you had suggested to him, just before you were going to leave for dinner. You had lit up when you saw him walking over, feeling a little excited not only for time with a handsome man but also the opportunity to just talk to someone. Poe was giving you an unusually sombre silent treatment, though he did finish off reprimanding you the day after your mission fuck up. And then he was just...silent.

And you weren’t going to question it, because the less you said to one another, the better. It always felt like such hard work just trying to exist around Poe now, you were honestly grateful not to have to exchange jabs at one another. But it was also lonely; your only friend on base outside of Black team was Ana, your mechanic, who had long hours and limited free time. Temmin was always good for conversation, so you’d usually gravitate his way during the day when the opportunity arose, engage in friendly banter until Poe came along and you’d be forced to slip away. Kare was more content to give you a wide berth, treating you with respect and preferring the relationship was merely professional. You got along really well with her but could sense the lack of connection on a personal level.

So, lonely as you were, handsome as Rush was, you gladly accepted his offer to join him in the caf for dinner and treat it as a first date of sorts. At first, during the walk to the caf and waiting in line to pile your plates with dinner, you spoke casually enough that you felt the date was going fairly well. You weren’t too hung up on whether or not it would lead anywhere; it wasn’t like you were looking for anything serious at this point with anyone. You hoped it would lead to something fun, perhaps a few nights at the cantina drinking and dancing, and if you meshed well a couple of tumbles in between sheets.

But when you took a seat in a quieter section of the over large room, it was like a switch flipped for Rush and he went into ‘date’ mode and frankly, you’d wished he hadn’t. The man did not shut up about himself. He spoke over you enough times that you considered jabbing him with your fork, and just when you thought he was going to start asking you about yourself-now that you knew his fucking life story-he launched into a rant about what he wanted to do once the war was over, and on and on it went.

By the time dinner had ended and the caf was much less crowded, you were about ready to hurl yourself out the second-story window, figuring you could probably manage to tuck and roll to avoid injury that would require him to treat you, and then maybe you’d just run into the jungle for a few days.

As you pretended to listen to him ramble, your mind had wandered and you realized that you hadn’t ever needed to discourage any potential suitors before. Poe and Charlie had, in so many ways, made you set your standards high, high enough that not many dates ended up going anywhere, and you just never developed the ability to read other men, to be able to sniff out the bad eggs. Rush was a nice man, but he was also entirely not your type. And based on the way he occasionally bragged about mediocre accomplishments, you had a sneaking suspicion he would not be up to scruff in the bedroom.

You finally had to call the date off when he began talking about future second date ideas, politely cutting in to say you had an early call time and needed to call it a night. He hadn’t been fazed, merely clearing your trays before returning to the table, where you had stood up, to give you a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek. You wished now you’d been more direct, thanked him for the date but admitted you weren’t interested. And you hated to think about it, but the best part of your date with Rush had been when, after turning away to walk to the exit that would take you to your wing of the base, you met a pair of familiar brown eyes from across the room. You saw Poe standing with Temmin, in the middle of a conversation, his eyes narrowed slightly in your direction, flicking between you and the retreating healer.

At least you somehow managed to annoy him, if nothing else.

But thanks to your complete lack of ability to send Rush a clear and direct message, you were awarded his regular appearance in the hangar each day following the date. Usually stopping by on his lunch, he’d chat with you amicably enough but end the conversation by asking you out again-each fucking time. You had tried the excuses of being too tired, too busy, going on a mission, and hoped he’d just give up. But he kept coming back, pulling out the works to charm you with no success.

You knew you were going to need to get it together soon and just tell him it wasn’t going to happen. You wanted to be nice about it because he was a friendly enough guy, he just wasn’t your type in the least. And you had never really needed to discourage a man before, now that you considered it. Before Charlie died, he and Poe had been by your side your whole life-and they took care of you, easily discouraging anyone you had no interest in by tossing an arm over your shoulder on nights out if you asked them to.

You’d mostly had a few casual flings, never anything serious. Even your first time was with a friend, on the eve of your departure from Yavin-4 to head to D’Qar and begin basic. You met up with an old friend, Tahla, and one thing had lead to another. It had been nice, each of you parting on good terms after what had been a pleasurable evening. One that only encouraged your high standards because Tahla had ensured you reached your peak more than once, something that you’d since learned wasn’t always a priority for male partners.

And after Charlie had died, and you’d fled D’Qar, you had tried to fill the emptiness with one-night stands. But you would only wind up feeling more lonely in the morning when they left, regardless of how good the sex had been, and none of the men had been what you had wanted. Or, what you had thought you’d wanted. You spent about a year trying and failing to fill that void with sex, only to give up on it entirely after the last man you’d spent the night with had broken the terms of your understanding and tried to continue the relationship. You hadn’t been ready to start dating, so you closed yourself off, moved to another assignment to be safe, and now it had been...a few years.

A few very lonely years.

Rush wasn’t going to be someone you kept around to date, and you really needed to get your shit together and tell him. Especially considering how he was looking at you right now, with big eyes that held a hopeful gleam.

“Evening, honey, how are you doing?”

You gave him a small smile, setting your datapad down on the step stool you had in your parking spot (you were endlessly teased for being too short to hop up into your x-wing). He was a few steps away, giving you a warm smile as he looked down at you.

“Hi, Rush,” You wiped the sleeve of your flight suit over your face tiredly, “Been a long day, I guess. How are you?”

“Just fine, just fine,” He nodded, then gestured vaguely toward you and your ship, “You’ve had a busy week, which isn’t a surprise for Black team but I hope you have some time off coming your way!”

Damn, he just had to be so nice, didn’t he? Yet, you knew you’d still be brushing him off despite wishing you could just look past his issues and let him in, a little bit, for maybe a little while. “Ha, I wish I had time off!” You lied, knowing full well that, unless a mission came in, you were going to have the following day off. “We don’t get as much vacation as you Healers do!” You teased, internally cringing because flirting wasn't going to help discourage him. Kriff!

And you saw the way his eyes widened at your gentle chide, hope flashing his expression before he smirked, “Oh, you think we get vacation, do you?” He took a step closer and you had to tilt your head back to hold his gaze, warmth pooling in your belly at his proximity. Encouraged, Rush raised a hand and gently brushed it across your cheek, and against your better judgement, your eyes fluttered closed at the small display of affection. He then dropped his hand to cup your neck, and when he spoke next it was a whisper as he had lowered his face to your level. “You know honey, even in this flight suit, you’re the sexiest woman here. Not sure you get told that enough.”

You bit your lip, heat flushing your cheeks, “Rush, I’m not sure I-“

His free hand was suddenly on your hip, distracting you from whatever you’d been about to toss out as an excuse prevent him kissing you; your eyes snapped open to find him giving you a searching look, reading the heat in your cheeks, the way you had moved just a little closer when his hand gripped your hip, and he seemed to approve entirely of your reaction. His lips ghosted over your jaw, chin, and then pressed to yours, and stars did you ever let him do it.

Suddenly, all of the excuses seemed silly because here was a nice, handsome guy telling you he thought you were sexy and giving you a hungry look that had wetness pooling in your panties before he’d even touched you. At first, this kiss was measured, soft, until you pressed your body against his and threw your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. You felt rather than heard his low rumble of pleasure before his tongue swiped across your lips and you parted them to allow him to deepen the kiss.

In those moments, there was nothing else, just a warm and friendly man holding you close and making you feel desired. And as much as you didn’t click with Rush, the idea of his large hands on your bare skin was making you eager to leave the hangar the find comfort in the physical, to let him in just enough so that he could distract you from life with his expert touch, sturdy build, even if just for one night.

Before either of you could pull apart to suggest moving things to a more private location, the abrupt clearing of a throat followed by the drawling voice of Poe Dameron interrupted you.

“As entertaining as this is, Major, I have to interrupt.”

You sprung away from Rush in surprise, twisting to find Poe standing a few feet away, hands on his hips and an annoyed scowl fixed on you. But instead of embarrassment or irritation at being found in a compromising embrace right in the fucking hangar, you felt a surge of relief.

Because, Maker, you had been just about ready to let Rush Derrin take you to bed. What was going on with you? You knew better, and already decided against this very thing and yet the moment he touched you, you went to putty in his hands just because you were lonely? Poe’s scowl relaxed, morphing to confusion at the expression on your face before he glanced over at Rush, who actually was annoyed at the interruption.

“Commander, apologies I was just saying goodnight to the Major here, I’ll uh, leave you to it.” And he shot you a smile before hurrying off, a smile that told you he read about as much as you’d expected from your reaction to his kiss.

You were furious with yourself.

Good thing Poe was right there for you to take it out on.

“Did you need something, or do you just wander around here at night to be annoying?”

Poe huffed a breath out in a mixture of annoyance and amusement. “Didn’t realize I’d be walking in on a Corellian Soap Opera sex scene. Leia wants to see us.” He shrugged, but you froze, torn between wanting to continue being angry at Poe and the desire to laugh because hadn’t you thought Rush looked like he belonged in one of those shows when you first met him?

His words sunk in then, distracting you, “Wait, she wants to see us right now?” When Poe nodded, his expression curious as a result of your weird behaviour, you glanced down at your flight suit, “Should I change?”

“No,” Poe shook his head, turning to begin walking and so you joined him, falling into step alongside him, “She said straight away, she won’t care what you wear.”

You fell into silence after that, walking through the twisting halls of base, and though it was evening time you still passed by a lot of other Resistance fighters. You realized as you hurried along that you hadn’t spent any time with Poe outside of missions, of the hangar, and you hadn’t yet witnessed how he was treated beyond that of other pilots. 

Turns out, he was well-liked and admired, everyone you passed greeting him by name with friendly grins or flirty smiles, and even though every person also greeted you by title out of respect, you still found yourself growing increasingly annoyed.

It was certainly due to a combination of emotions and reasons, but you chose to focus on the fact the Poe Dameron was walking around D’Qar as the poster boy for the Resistance, a title that should belong to your brother. You hadn’t realized you’d scoffed aloud until Poe glanced down at you curiously, his expression hardening when he saw your frown.

“What?” It was just the two of you in this new branch of the hallway, steps away from the room where Leia was waiting. You could easily have not replied.

Instead, you sneered at Poe, “Please, I’m surprised we didn’t stop for you to sign some autographs, Commander.”

Poe stopped walking and stepped in front of you, blocking your path, “What the fuck does that mean?”

“I’m just realizing how popular you are, I suppose. Poster boy of the Resistance, I mean, that has to have a lot of perks,” You kept your voice cool despite the heat burning inside you from how angry you’d grown. “It must be a lot of fun, getting to fly all the time, fuck whoever you want, walk around with that stupid smirk...” You trailed off with a shrug, satisfaction coursing through you when his surprised look turned to irritation.

“That what you think?” His voice was low and threatening and you didn’t care in the least.

“I’m not surprised, really. You’re like a celebrity, and without Charlie around to keep you from growing too big for your pants I guess it’s only expected you’d become the biggest player on the base,” His eyes turned to ice as you spoke, “Bet you can just smile at a woman and end up getting a blow-“

Poe moved so quickly you had no time to react, your anger clouding your defensive abilities. With no other noise or people around, you heard the sharp draw of breath he pulled in as he slammed you back against the hallway wall, his grip on your arms preventing you from hitting hard enough to cause pain, but it certainly shut you up. You gaped up at Poe as he gave you his worst look, his breathing hitched in fury.

You had finally gone too far.

And isn’t that what you had wanted?

“(y/n), do you-seriously, you think I just?” He broke off, his anger preventing him from speaking proper basic and his grip on your arms tightened, “You think I just walk around fucking everything that moves and having a blast every day? You think I’m fucking happy?”

You shouldn’t reply, you knew. You would be better to stop, to listen to the twinge of guilt now in the back of your mind, the little voice that was asking you if you’d ever made Poe this angry before and questioning why you were doing it now.

You instead decide to pull on the string a little more and see what you could unravel.

“Aren’t you? I’m not saying you didn’t love Charlie, but you have to admit without him and me around you did pretty fucking good for yourself-“

“Shut up,” He growled, suddenly pressing his body to yours and lowering his head to meet your eyes, preventing you from pulling away or even looking anywhere but into his dark glare. “Maybe you’re a little worked up because I just interrupted your foreplay session, but I need you to shut the fuck up. You don’t know anything about me, about my life now or what I’ve gone through. You want to be mad, hate me for what I did, that’s fine, I deserve it. But that’s it, that’s the line.”

“Oh, you get to decide where the line is all of a sudden?”

Poe scoffed, “You got what you obviously wanted, (y/n), you pissed me off. Can you just leave it? Because you really don’t want to hear about what my life was after you abandoned m-everything here.”

You gave a harsh laugh, “Fine, sorry to have insinuated you’re a heartless manwhore, I mean it’s not like you blamed me for my own brothers' death at the fucking funeral!”

Your words seemed to hit Poe as if you’d slapped him; he flinched and jerked away from you, taking a few steps back before raising a shaky hand to rub his face. When he looked back at you where you stood still against the wall, you faltered a little at the genuine hurt in his expression.

After staring at one another for a minute, Poe finally pointed at you and his voice came out more clearly than you’d expected. “You don’t know anything. Not about me, or what my life was after you left, or what kind of person I am now,” He took a steadying breath, walked to the nearby door and paused with his hand on the handle, “Just like I don’t know anything about you. Which is why when I see my second in command making out shamelessly with a healer in the fucking hangar, I don’t comment. I don’t know you, and you sure as hell don’t know me.”

With those final words, he swept through the door, not bothering to wait for you and you held still until the door shut behind him, letting out a sob as guilt-wracked your body. 

You regretted pulling the string.

-

Before meeting Poe at the cantina that night, Charlie mentioned too casually that Poe hadn’t been going home with women for some time. Not since you had officially joined Gold team, which he was insisting was because of you. That it was always you when it came to Poe Dameron. You brushed your brother off with a roll of your eyes, keen to avoid the direction his words were leading you. And it wasn’t as if you hadn’t noticed Poe’s abrupt change in behaviour, how he had stopped slipping off partway through evenings at the cantina to flirt with someone who had been giving him eyes, maybe dance a little before they would wander off, no doubt in the direction of one of their rooms.

It hadn’t exactly bothered you, he was free to enjoy himself as much as you were, and he never left you alone, never ditched you when you were having a bad day. You wondered what was going on with him, naturally, but didn’t ask and certainly didn’t want to discuss it with Charlie.

Poe was already at your usual table when you walked into the cantina, and his eyes seemed to light up when he spotted you. Trying not to let that go to your head, you weaved through the crowd with Charlie right on your tail, which was a good thing because his bulk and intimidating appearance meant that people hurried out of your way before you had to even ask.

As you moved, Poe’s eyes never left your face and you wondered if he sensed the way he was making your heart flutter, how your stomach was full of butterflies. Your mind also replayed recent memories, now with Charlie’s words in your head and Poe’s eyes melting you from across the room, you could see something...was different. 

How he’d been the one to walk you to your room every night you all went out, and even though you’d just spent an hour or two together he’d linger for a while, lounge with you on your bunk and chat until one of you yawned. How often you both would switch to a private channel to talk during training or low-stakes missions. And when...when was the last time you had gotten yourself your morning caf? You hadn’t realized, he had met you outside of your room nearly every morning, two steaming cups in hand, for a while now.

And the subtle touches. You grew up with Poe, and he’d always been an affectionate enough person, but Charlie’s timing had been right-you joined Gold Team and Poe’s behaviour had shifted, not just in the day-to-day, but also with how he seemed to operate around you. A hand on your back, fingers brushing your long hair out of your face, the endless hugs-the kind that made you feel safe and whole, each time.

When you reached the table and broke eye contact to take a seat next to Poe, his arm dropped to the back of your chair casually. Had he been doing that long? You always sat next to him, but you hadn’t realized...

Your brother flashed you a knowing look that Poe missed because his eyes were still on you. You fought the urge to frown over at him.

“You look like you’re still up in the clouds, sweetheart.” Poe tossed you his signature grin, and you smiled back at him while simultaneously noting how the grin didn’t reach his eyes the same way it used to. It was genuine, yes, but there was a depth to his gaze that seemed like he was a little self-conscious, unsure.

You raised the drink he’d had waiting for you in thanks, “One of those days, I suppose.”

If he thought your response was inadequate, he didn’t say. He merely nodded, eyes searching your expression for a moment before he looked away to take a sip of his own drink. Charlie pulled him into a conversation then and you fell silent, your thoughts swirling again.

You watched Poe, for a while, out of the corner of your eye. You picked up on how his eyes didn’t wander around the room like they used to, even though YOU noticed women looking over, trying to catch his eye. His arm remained behind you, though he wasn’t touching you, the thick design of the chair allowing you your own space...but actually, you don’t think you would mind if he did touch you, just casually.

Well, where the fuck had that thought come from?

Your train of thought startled you so much that you were grateful when you glanced at your drinks and found each of you was getting low. You leaned forward and tapped your glass, interrupting what was now Charlie and Poe’s version of a heated disagreement (so basically they insulted each other back and forth while laughing), and said, “I’ll get us refills.”

You were up and out of your seat before either could object, and you determinedly did not look back at your table. You knew Poe would be looking at you. You were scared of how that made you feel.

The bartender was busy making drinks for a group of loud women you recognized as mechanics, all out to let loose-as they so deserved. You knew they had long hours, and you watched them all, already tipsy and giggling too much, while you waited your turn. You were leaning against the bar on both elbows when a voice to your right caught your attention, saying Poe’s name. You didn’t react physically and probably would have tuned back into the drunk mechanic's funny banter had that voice not been so full of vitriol.

“I hate seeing him out having a good time, wrapped around the Horn girl like a fucking lapdog.”

You stiffened, though it was less from offence (because whoever this was wasn’t worth your time of day) but more because she obviously hadn’t realized you were standing behind them.

Another woman laughed, “I think he’s pouting, can’t get into her pants obviously. You should have made him work harder for it, Liv, maybe he’d be your lap dog instead.”

The first woman scoffed, “Look, he was good for a couple of fun nights, don’t get me wrong. The dude is seriously packing, and he knows what he’s doing, too. But even when I did have his attention it wasn’t all there. Pretty sure he’s hung up on her.”

“And probably will be for a while, she’s a stuck-up little thing. Dameron can’t be very bright if he lets her keep him wrapped around her pinky like that.”

“He’s a real idiot, that’s for sure. Good thing he’s handsome, clearly there’s not a lot going on-“

Abandoning your perch at the bar, you swung around and roughly poked the back of the shoulder nearest to you, furious, “Excuse me.”

Both women turned and you recognized the blonde one, she had hung out a few nights at the cantina with Poe in the weeks before you finished basic. She must have been one of the last women to go home with Poe.

At first, they were both frowning, curious, until they looked down at you. You usually didn’t mind how short you were, but when trying to glare at a couple of long-legged, beautiful women, you suddenly hated how it made you feel small. You jerked your chin up, “You’re speaking quite rudely about a superior, you know. I could report you for that alone.”

The blonde, Liv, glared at you, “I’m not saying anything new, sweetie. Most people are saying it, actually.” You remembered then that Liv worked in the comms office, a notoriously gossip-heavy section of the Resistance.

“Doesn’t make it any less pathetic, though, does it?” You jabbed, your anger increasing. Liv scoffed, setting her drink down on the bar and taking a step closer to you, a little too close to be anything other than a veiled threat. You held your ground, unfazed.

“Look, sweetie, you want to play dedicated little teammate instead of admitting you’re just jealous of me, that’s fine. But don’t get in my face about it, I’m not interested.”

“Funny,” You deadpanned, voice low, “And here I thought we both knew it was you who was jealous of me.”

Liv jerked back slightly in surprise, giving you her worst look, “Speaking as the one who has gotten to more than sample his goods-and let me tell you, you’re totally missing out because he does knows how to make a woman mean it when she screams his na-“

SMACK

Liv stumbled back a few steps, a hand reaching up to touch her tender cheek in disbelief, the skin already reddening from the impact of your full palm slap. You were more surprised in yourself, you hadn’t realized just how angry you were until it coiled and snapped at her insinuations. Still, you felt a rush of satisfaction that faded to concern when the much taller women straightened up and stalked forward, eyes dark.

“You little bitch!”

Before you could begin to back away-keen to avoid an actual fist fight-you felt a sudden presence behind you, Liv stopping short in her advance the same moment a familiar, muscled arm dropped over your shoulder. Her brows shot up in surprise before a simpering little smile appeared.

“Liv,” Poe drawled, his voice light and almost friendly, but the grip on your arm gave way to you that he wasn’t as calm as he appeared. When you glanced up at him, his jaw was tight, a muscle twitching there, and his expression was cold. Colder than ice. You wondered how Liv hadn’t frozen just from having that look directed her way. “So sorry to interrupt, but figured I’d step in before you do anything you’ll regret.”

Liv raised her hands as if in surrender, then pointed at you, “Not sure if you saw, Poe, but the little brat just slapped me.” Her fury was funny to you now. You’d clearly injured her delicate pride more than anything.

The arm around your shoulder shifted as Poe pushed the braid that had fallen behind it back in front, where you usually let your hair sit. It was a simple gesture, both casual and intimate, enough to have Liv’s expression fall.

He tightened his arm around you again before replying in a low voice. “Thankfully, I was lucky enough to see that. It’s officially now my favourite memory, ever. Proudest, too, seeing as I taught her how to hit back at bullies” With his free arm, Poe raised his hand and pointed it at Liv, who was looking at him wide-eyed, “Now get the fuck away from us, before you really piss me off.”

You had to bite back a laugh at how quickly Liv and her silent friend scampered away, leaving the cantina completely with their heads low. You turned to look up at Poe and thank him, faltering when you saw him gazing at you intently, concern and worry replacing the cold glare. “Poe?”

“Are you okay? What did she say to you?” He spun so that you were now directly in front of him, both his hands falling to gently hold your arms. Your heart was about ready to beat its way right out of your chest over the intensely protective and concerned expression he had.

You reached up and did something that always worked on Poe when he was upset; gently running your thumb along his jaw, just a few times, before you dropped it again. It used to feel like second nature. Now it felt...wonderfully intimate. It worked though, his shoulders relaxing. 

“I’m alright, thank you.”

Poe swallowed before throwing you a grin, “I don’t think I’ve seen you that angry since we were teenagers, sweetheart. And that was a nice hit.”

You laughed, shrugging, a little bolt of pleasure warming you when he pulled you a little closer, wrapping an arm around you. “She was being exceptionally rude. Guess I’m not in the mood for it tonight.”

Poe chuckled warmly, and you felt it rumble in his chest because you were pressed against him. Quite suddenly, the urge to reach up and just touch his hair a little, stroke his cheek, maybe run your thumb across his lower lip-

What was going on with you?

As much as you were completely confused at yourself, you didn’t miss how his laughter met his eyes-the warm honey gazing into yours almost adoringly. You finally looked away and turned, glancing at your table for your brother. Charlie, however, was gone. Poe, still with his arm wrapped around your shoulder, noticed where you were looking and laughed again.

“Charlie is otherwise occupied by none other than Vanya, who despite my initial skepticism does, in fact, exist.”

You snorted, “In that case, I think we can leave unless you wanted to stay-?

Poe cut you off, giving you a little smirk, “Nope, I’ll walk you home, sweetheart.”

And his arm didn’t drop as you made your way out of the cantina.

Nor did it drop when you were walking the halls, or entering your door code to your bunk.

It still didn’t drop when you both fell onto your bed, laughing over the look on Liv’s face after you had slapped her and how quickly she and her friend had run out of the cantina.

That arm remained securely around you the whole night, as you and Poe talked for hours, reminiscing about Yavin-4, exchanging banter over who was the better pilot, even imaging what life would be like once the war was over.

And Poe’s hold only tightened when you nodded off, laying the wrong way across your bed and tucked against his chest. Loosening only when he too fell asleep, his final thoughts that he would tell you how he felt after tomorrow’s mission decommissioning a fuelling yard in the Sanbra Sector. Because he wasn’t sure he could pretend otherwise any longer.

+

General Organa had noticed the thick tension between you and Poe the moment you joined him in front of her, your face flushed but otherwise neutral. Her eyes had flicked between you both before commending you on how well you worked together and then explaining that she had a mission.

Normally, a top-secret, high stakes recon mission would thrill Poe straight to the bone, but upon hearing the finer details he felt his smile tighten and his excitement waning. Of course, mere moments after finally exploding on one another, you and Poe were assigned the task of taking a cruiser to a planet in the outer rim. A three-day trip minimum there, where you would be inspecting a base long since abandoned by the Galactic Empire after it had fallen. An outpost that, once cleared, would be of incredible use to the Resistance.

Upon learning that she needed you to leave first thing in the morning, Poe thanked the General, promised her the best teamwork, and then swept quickly from the room. He went straight to his to pack, glancing at his wrist comm for the time. He decided that after he was finished preparations he would go to the cantina for a drink.

Stars, if he wasn't just assigned such an important mission he would be having several drinks. After what had just transpired with you, he was reeling and in need of a distraction. He was angry, yes, but mostly he was hurting.

You’d been aiming to get a reaction out of him for a while now. Giving him the cold shoulder outside of missions to throw him off balance. It was the combination of finding you pressed against the healer, who had had his hands all over you, and then hearing your accusations...he just snapped, something he wasn’t prone to doing and yet you always seemed to pull the strongest emotions and reactions from Poe, even when you weren’t trying to.

And it wasn’t so much the scorn with which you described his status as a poster boy, but rather the genuine belief you held that Poe’s life had been good without Charlie and you. As much as you were trying to piss him off, you still believed what you were saying, and Poe hadn’t known what to do, how to make you see that everything, everything fell apart after he lost you.

Fuck, he knew it was his fault-he had said what he said and then he’d left you alone in the dark, but it still floored him to hear how little you thought of him now. You didn’t just hate him, he’d realized, you also believed he hated you, that he was living a happy life and didn’t spend every day wishing his life was different. He had fucked things up between you and him so well, that you never realized just how much he loved you.

Loves you.

Because the truth was, as much as he didn’t like you right now, there wasn’t a single thing in the entire galaxy that could stop Poe Dameron from loving you.

And he didn’t know...what that love was anymore, what it meant or what he wanted from it. He was happy to leave it in the background, to let you despise him until you said the things you did tonight. What you said told Poe that you didn’t know anything, despite growing up together. You still refused, to this very day, to look back at your relationship with him and recognize that it was never anything but the start of something millions would die to have. An epic love story, one that generations to follow would have spoken of.

You never saw it, and he’d failed to show you. And now you were both just fragments of those star-crossed idiots, and Poe had never felt more lost or alone.

+

Aware that he had a good week alone with you ahead of him, Poe hurriedly changed and made his way to the cantina after packing, intent on enjoying one good drink with Temmin to help clear his mind. Socializing in a loud space was the perfect way to prepare for what was sure to be a stony silence-filled week.  

The cantina was busy when he arrived, his timing synced with the late-night crowd. It only took him a moment to spot Temmin, though, and he made his way across the room, raising a hand in hello when his friend spotted him approaching. He turned, signalling to a nearby waitress for another drink for Poe, before clapping him on the shoulder.

“Commander! Nice of you to join us!” Temmin called merrily, and Poe already felt his tension fading, his friends genuine kindness always appreciated.  

“Thought I’d better keep an eye on you idiots,” Poe replied, thanking the waitress for his drink and winking at his laughing friends as he took a swig. He fell into an easy banter with the others, sipping his drink slowly as he would only indulge in the one on the eve of such an important mission. After a while, his drink half-finished, Poe found himself glancing around the room quite suddenly, his senses on alert.

It was then that he spotted you. And no wonder he’d been wary a moment before, as his eyes must have gone past you twice before they snapped back, realizing that the long-haired woman in khakis and a navy shirt was you. He hadn’t seen your hair down since you had been back, and it was longer now than he thinks you’d ever grown it. The braids you normally weaved into your low buns left the long locks wavy, and you weren’t used to wearing it down as you kept self-consciously brushing it out of your face.  

You were standing with your friend, Ana, a few other mechanics Poe knew mostly by their faces. Your friend was laughing at whatever you were saying, hard enough that you joined in and even though he couldn’t hear you from across the room, he knew exactly how genuine your giggles were just from your expression.

Poe looked away, flushing with a mixture of emotions he preferred not to examine.

His hand roamed around the room before landing on a tall figure making his way toward you. Rush had a grin on his face that suggested pleasant surprise at your presence at the cantina. Remembering the weird look of relief that had been on your face when Poe had walked into the hangar earlier, he wondered if maybe you weren’t as into Rush as you had seemed in that particular moment.

Maybe he was already worked up before your argument if he was really honest with himself. Something about having to watch from afar all week as Rush popped in every afternoon to flirt with you, then to walk in on him pressed against you, it had pissed him off. It had also brought forth that same protectiveness he’d felt when the stormtrooper had punched you, which only served to confuse Poe further. He’d swiftly stuffed those thoughts back as he’d told you Leia was waiting to speak to you both, only for them to tumble around in the back of his mind until you’d crushed his patience to bits.

Poe watched as the healer picked his way toward you. Glancing at you, he saw Ana stepping around you to move toward the direction of the fresher, leaving you standing alone as the other mechanics seemed to have already melted away to have a separate conversation. You sighed, your smile faltering a little, before taking a sip of your drink, your eyes raising up and immediately zeroing in on Rush. His suspicions about your level of interest in the healer were confirmed when you blanched, your eyes casting around you and widening in horror when you realized you were entirely alone. And then you fixed the fakest smile he’d ever seen on your face before turning to greet Rush, a stiff set to your shoulders.  

When the healer reached you and greeted you by way of running his hand down the bare skin of your arm, Poe stiffened. You greeted him in return but took a half step back, eyes peering up at the much taller man with a modicum of fear. Suddenly, Poe’s mind took him back to years and years ago, on Yavin-4, when boys would hit on you and you’d glance toward Poe or Charlie for help and they would be right there, without question.

Now, you looked so alone that Poe’s instincts took over, Charlie’s voice in his head saying, ‘Flyboy and I will always take care of you, Kid.’ And he abruptly stood, abandoning Temmin and his drink, and marched across the room. His anger for the earlier argument was long forgotten and Poe almost felt seventeen years old again.

“Why don’t we continue our earlier fun somewhere quieter, honey?” He was saying, his voice carrying over the music. You had been focused on Rush until Poe was just a few steps away, your head jerking to meet his gaze in surprise.

And unless Poe was mistaken, he saw a little relief there too.

Without preamble, Poe grabbed you by the shoulder and gently pulled you back a few steps, moving you away from Rush. “Sorry pal, not happening.” His interjection was in vast contrast to how Charlie would have done it. He’d have smiled, sauntered up, made it friendly. Poe pointedly conveyed no warmth, no room for argument.

Still, the Healer didn’t get the hint. His brows furrowing, he tilted his head to look at Poe, who stood a few inches taller. “Didn’t realize you had any say in the matter, Command-“

“Don’t care,” Poe replied easily, “Buzz off, and read the room-she’s clearly not interested in you.”

“Now wait just a-“

“Actually Rush,” You hurriedly cut him off, your hand reaching up to grab the one Poe still had on your shoulder, “He’s right. I-I’m not interested, I’m sorry. And we have an early call tomorrow, so we’re just leaving. Goodnight.” You spun away before Rush could reply, your grip on Poe’s hand slipping to his wrist as you dragged him out of the cantina.

Poe spared a glance over his shoulder to look at Rush, who was standing in the same spot looking a little dumbfounded. He bit back a grin before looking forward and watching you pull him along. Poe could feel your hand burning his skin where you held his wrist. After making it halfway toward base, you stopped walking and let go, your arms crossing as you peered up at Poe.

“I don’t need you to do that, Dameron.” Your voice was low, your gaze sharp. Poe wanted to flinch under the intensity of it but instead found himself standing to his full height and matching your stance, returning your glare right back.

He scoffed, “Charlie would have-“

“Yes,” You cut in, taking a step closer to Poe and lowering your voice further, “Charlie would have. He always would have, that’s what big brothers do. But you’re just my Commander, and you don’t get to step in on my social life.”

The words cut, but Poe had heard you say worse to him. He flooded with exasperation, “Major, are you telling me you would prefer to head back inside and let Rush fucking Derrin flirt with you until he inevitably passes out before you can say ‘do you have a condom?’”

You gave a humourless laugh, “Oh, please don’t think that just because any woman you set your eyes on is keen to lay under you that it means the rest of us love to go home with random idiots, regardless of whether we make out with them or not,” You jabbed a finger into Poe’s chest as you spoke, your words laced with venom, “I hold myself to higher standards, and I definitely don’t need the Resistance playboy inserting himself on my behalf.” With that, you spun and stormed away, toward base.

Poe had no option but to follow you. He lived next to you, he was going in the same direction.

Still, when you glanced over your shoulder as you entered the doors that led to the ranking official's dorms and saw Poe a few steps away, your anger seemed to snap and you let the door shut behind you in his face.

“Sweetheart,” Poe drawled as he stepped inside, still only a few paces behind you, “Be as mean as you like, I don’t care. But save the anger for the real fight, it isn’t going to work on me again.”

When your only reply was a frustrated groan, Poe smirked to himself. He watched as you flipped your middle finger over your shoulder before disappearing into your room, the door slamming closed with finality.

His smirk faded then, as he began to consider exactly why he’d gotten so worked up, and whether it really had anything to do with Charlie.

MISSION DAY SIX

Poe was completely numb.

Numb with shame. Regret. Disgust for his actions. Still, he remained protective at your side, following you through the jungle as you avoided looking his way. Knowing you were just as eager to get back to the ship as he was, and yet keenly aware that it meant three days alone together in the cramped space.

At least it would give you both time to come up with a believable explanation for your delay in return. An entire day lost, yet you’d already agreed with one another that the real reason wasn’t going in the mission report. If you never spoke of what happened again, it still wouldn’t be enough to curb the pain, the fucking guilt he was feeling.

Poe had been wrecked, mentally obliterated beyond repair. How he wished he could have died-if he could have ensured you wouldn’t have been harmed he would have gladly let himself die. You promised him it was alright, that you were alright, and yet Poe knew there was no coming back from this.

No, now everything had changed. In one night, it had all changed.

MISSION DAY ONE

The morning of departure for the top-secret mission had been smooth, but entirely silent, between Poe and you. He was glad you worked well enough together to not need to speak. With merely hand signals and grunts, you successfully managed to depart D’Qar and slip into space.

Once safely in hyperspace, Poe left you alone in the cockpit to engage BB8 for auto-piloting the cruiser, secretly relieved when you didn’t come into the small cabin once you’d completed the task. Content to give you as wide a berth as he could in the tiny ship, Poe spent the first few hours of travel lounging on his bunk, reading.

Poe was used to being alone in his x-wing, even if there was a conversation over comms, it was always just him and BB8. But the planet was far enough away that you needed to take a ship built for longer journeys. This meant brushing against one another more often than either of you would have liked, for a few days more than was ideal. Especially given the current climate of your relationship.

It meant sleeping on bunk beds, Poe one the top bunk because he could easily climb up with his height advantage over you. As second in command, you were tasked with ensuring Poe and yourself were fed, watered, and debriefed on the little known about the planet where you were heading. It had been during the mission the week prior, where you had been hit by the Storm Trooper, that BB8 had stolen the data needed to find this outpost.

Poe’s duties were to keep an eye on the ship status, update the mission report and study whatever materials you sent his way to prepare, until arriving at the destination. And to ensure that his team worked well together, which was why he was going to try and walk around on eggshells.

It was when he was warming his dinner rations the first day that he realized you hadn’t ever come out of the cockpit, not for lunch or even a trip to the fresher. With a sigh, he warmed a ration for you and carried both into the cockpit. You glanced up when he entered, your frown morphing into suspicious surprise when he handed you your plate and drink wordlessly. He managed to sit down in the pilot’s seat and get himself comfortable before you spoke.

“Did you poison it?”

Poe rolled his eyes and glanced toward you, his eyes falling to the datapad you had resting on one knee. You were reading a newspaper from a planet he’d never heard of.

“Yes.” He replied swiftly, before pointing at the tablet, “How’d you get that?” His eyes narrowed when you smirked.

“Seriously?” You replied, taking a bite of dinner and dropping your gaze back to the article you had been reading, attempting to brush him off.

Poe scoffed, “Did you ask MY droid to load that on there for you?”

When you looked back at Poe, your brows were raised in surprise, “Did you really not notice BB8 in my room when you walked by this morning?”

You gave him an exasperated look when he shrugged because truthfully his mind had wandered when he’d opened his door that morning. Yours was open as a service droid was carrying out your supplies to take to the ship. You had glanced up when Poe moved into the hall, shot him a glare and then returned to whatever you had been doing crouched on the ground, which he now supposed must have been taking the newspaper data from BB8.

He hadn’t noticed his droid because his eyes had immediately fallen on the corkboard above your desk, where you had posted several photos, the largest of which was the same one he tapped every morning before leaving his room.

You frowned when he didn’t reply straight away; Poe tore his gaze from yours to look at his food. “Had other things on my mind,” He finally said, taking a large bite of his meal and speaking with his mouth full, he added, “And ask next time you want to have my droid do you a favour.”

In response, you merely gave a small, cold laugh, returning to your article. Silence fell between Poe and you again. Eventually, he finished eating and decided to head to bed and read until you came out of the cockpit. He took your plate from you wordlessly, not lingering to find out if you thanked him.

A few hours later, you slipped quietly out of the cockpit and made your way to the fresher, where he heard you have a quick shower before getting ready for bed. Poe was reclined on the top bunk, comfortably laying on both his and your pillows when you emerged, and he bit back a smile as he waited for you to look at your bunk.

You sighed. “Can I have my pillow back, please?” Your voice was tight and Poe smirked, aware that he was decidedly not walking on eggshells at that moment.

He sat up, grabbing the top pillow, “Well since you’ve asked so polite-“ Poe broke off as he looked down at you, his gaze dropping below yours. He gripped the pillow in one hand as surprise swept through him upon seeing what you were wearing to bed. It was one of Charlie’s old shirts.

He’d recognize it anywhere because Charlie wore that shirt all the time; it was one of his favourites. It had been a gift from you though Poe couldn’t remember the occasion. His heart constricting at the sight of you dwarfed in your dead older brother's shirt, Poe let out a quiet breath, at a loss for words. The shirt had a few holes in it from being worn so many times.

“Kriff, my face is up here, asshole!” You snapped, and Poe was abruptly pulled from his thoughts. Meeting your angry gaze and then registering your words, his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Honey,” He drawled, using the nickname he’d heard Rush call you the night before. When your face pinched with fury he knew he’d hit his mark. Poe jumped down from the top bunk, carelessly tossing your pillow behind him before taking a measured step toward you. “I recognize the shirt, that’s all.”

Glaring up at Poe, you flashed your white teeth before replying, “You recognize my shirt, so you stare at my chest for a solid minute?” Crossing your arms, you let out a humourless laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

Poe bristled, “Damn, you really have me cast as the worst kind of villain, don’t you? Poe Dameron, Rebel fuck boy. Poe Dameron, pervert with no fucking soul or moral code,” He was seething, leaning over you now, getting just as worked up as he’d promised himself he’d avoid. He gestured at your shirt vaguely, “Poe Dameron, sees a woman in a shirt and must be staring at her tits. Couldn’t possibly be that I see you wearing my dead best friend's old shirt and have any human feelings about that, right (y/n)? Because I ruined us,” He pointed first at you, then to himself, “It means that I don’t miss Charlie, don’t ever think about him, don’t have happy memories that make me sad.”

You were frowning up at Poe as he yelled, a mixture of surprise and confusion evident in your expression. For a moment, you both just stared at one another, and Poe thought you might be at a loss of how to respond. Until you did. Of course, you fucking did.

“You are the villain. You said what, the other day, that I abandoned you? How do you-I left after you deserted me!” Your voice was shaky with emotion, “You weren’t there for me for the funeral, and then you completely broke my heart and just walked away. Got into your ship and fucking disappeared,” Your voice cracked, tears slipping from the corners of your eyes; you hastily wiped them away, “Left me, all alone. I didn’t leave right away, Poe. I packed, I asked for a new assignment off-planet, and you still were just fucking gone. So I left, and you think it’s unfair of me to think of you as the villain?”

“Do you think I didn’t regret everything I fucking said the moment I said it? That I don’t know-didn’t know-how badly I fucked up?” Poe shouted back, “I tried to find you! You blocked me from being able to find you and tell you I was sorry. Didn’t even think you would forgive me, but you still deserved to hear me beg for forgiveness and work to make it up to you,” Poe took a step back from you, running a hand tiredly over his face, “What I did was the worst thing I’ve ever done, my biggest regret. I didn’t mean anything I said to you, I lo-I took out my guilt, my grief, on you and I know it was wrong. But you can’t twist everything I do now to fit into that version of me, it’s not fair.”

“Fair? Right, okay, I’m not being fair.”

“No,” Poe’s voice came out in a near whisper as he glared at you, “No, you’re acting like a brat, ever since you came back, and I’m kind of over it.”

Your eyes widened in fury, but before you could answer Poe swiftly stepped around you and shut himself into the fresher. He didn’t want to fight any longer, and he knew you would just be going back and forth at one another all night, neither of you willing to be wrong. So he turned on the water and had a brief rinse off under cold water and hoped tomorrow would be a little less terrible.

MISSION DAY SIX

You could feel Poe’s eyes on the side of your head as you walked. As much as you wanted to turn around and ask him to stop because you could basically hear his horrified, guilty thoughts screaming at you, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

You were struggling with your own mortification, jumping from memories of what had happened to concerns about what would happen next. What could even happen next?

How things had been between Poe and you up to yesterday could no longer be the case, not after this mission. You just didn’t know what that meant now.

As much as you considered, during the two-hour walk back to the ship, leaving D’Qar and Black Squadron once you returned from the mission, you knew you could never do that. That you wouldn’t do it.

You couldn’t run again, but how the hell were you going to stay?

Everything had changed last night. And you could remember every single detail of how.

MISSION DAY THREE

You woke first on the morning of the third day in hyperspace, blearily looking at your wrist comm to see it was fairly early morning back in D’Qar. With a small sigh, you stretched your body before climbing out of the lower bunk and stepping across the small cabin into the fresher. When you emerged, Poe was still fast asleep and you set about making caf as quietly as possible, knowing the longer he slept meant that much more time for you to enjoy peaceful silence.

As much as you’d both been on eggshells around each other since your latest fight, the tension and silence were thick and heavy and draining. As angry as you’d gotten as he shouted at you, guilt had wormed its way into your mind the more he had let slip how much he’d been hurting. The truth was, you hadn’t wanted to believe he could be hurting, preferring to close him into a box where he was simply a terrible person, through and through, when you knew that wasn’t Poe Dameron at all.

He had done a terrible thing, yes. But he wasn’t evil, he didn’t deserve the vitriol, the cold shoulder, as much as you dished it out these past few days, did he? On the other hand, you felt if you let up on that treatment entirely, it would be akin to forgiving him, letting him off the hook for his fuck up.

You thought that you were treating him how he deserved to be. You had convinced yourself he was the villain. When he’d called you a brat, it hit you a moment later that you were being a huge fucking brat. He didn’t deserve your friendship, forgiveness, but he also didn’t deserve how you’d treated him the past several days.

You sat in the cockpit leisurely reading another newspaper BB8 had loaded onto your datapad before the mission. Poe had grumbled about it, but you had always enjoyed reading highlights from around the galaxies, it was like a little guilty pleasure for you. You lounged for half an hour, sipping your caf and enjoying an article that discussed the art of moisture farming before you heard movement in the cabin.

You strained your ears, listening for Poe to enter the fresher. Once you heard that door swoosh closed, you abandoned your article to head into the cabin and begin packing your bags for arrival. Based on your best calculations, you’d be arriving early the next morning and wanted everything to be ready to hit the ground running. You set the two bags onto the foot of your bunk and then dumped all of the supplies in several armfuls over the rest of your bed.

You were mindlessly sorting, doing inventory and packing everything when Poe eventually emerged from the fresher. He said nothing, quietly getting his caf before heating a ration.

You hadn’t eaten yet yourself, so you decided you would get your ration once he’d gone into the cockpit to avoid you. You were caught by surprise when you turned from his pack, where you’d just stuffed in his protective outerwear, to see your ration warmed up on a plate, set onto your bunk next to you.

You stared at the food for a moment before glancing up just in time to see the stiff set of Poe’s shoulders disappear as the cockpit door closed. You blinked a few times before moving to sit down and eat your breakfast, the sudden tightness in your chest ensuring the food tasted of nothing.

-

You cleared your throat awkwardly when you entered the cockpit later that afternoon. Poe hadn’t emerged and as much as you were glad for space, you knew he needed to eat. And you kept thinking of how he’d ensured you had your breakfast when you were heating your lunch.

He didn’t look around when you came in, his eyes remaining on the book open in his lap until you held out his plate of rations into his line of sight. He gave you a weary look before taking the plate, “Thank you.”

You shrugged, then took your seat. He watched you in surprise but didn’t comment. “I think, um. We’ll be arriving early tomorrow and I think we should just go over a few things now if that’s alright?” You glanced up at Poe when he didn’t reply straight away, only to find him curiously searching your face, confused by your near timid behaviour. You swallowed uncomfortably.  

He turned to his food after a moment, spooning a large amount into his mouth before nodding at you. With that, you began to go over a summary of your notes and data on the planet, the outpost and surrounding jungle conditions. Poe listened as he ate, occasionally nodding his understanding.

“If we have to hike in, I should warn you the time zone we are landing in is at its peak of summer. So it’ll be extremely muggy during the day.” You finished speaking abruptly and Poe glanced up from his food and met your eyes.

“Well as much as I like a good hike, let’s try to get as close to the outpost as possible.”

You hummed in response, looking away as a heavy silence fell between you. Entirely at a loss, you simply sat together for a while before eventually, you decided to do weapons check in preparation for the next day.

When you stood, you had to brush by Poe. Instead of continuing to avoid looking at you, he peered up as you moved, his eyes tired, and you felt something tighten within you. Heat crawled up your neck and you hurriedly ducked out of the cockpit.

MISSION DAY FOUR

Excitement had overtaken Poe, as it usually did when a mission was well underfoot. This was compounded further by the knowledge that, very shortly, he’d be set free from the stifling tension of the ship. It had drained his mental energy enough that even if you’d told him that he had to wade through molten lava to get to the outpost, he’d happily take the lead. Naked. Blindfolded. He just needed out.

You had everything prepared the night before, so all that needed to happen in the early hours of the morning of arrival was pulling out of hyperspace, approaching the outpost and scanning for a landing zone. The base wasn’t constructed to have an outdoor hangar, as it would defeat the purpose of being hidden, but Poe had hoped there would be a spot somewhere around the facility. Given the abandoned state of the planet, however, he didn’t let his hopes climb too high.

He’d heard your frustration as you ran the ground scans and came up short, your breath huffing out in disappointment. He let you work through it, knowing you were more than capable of finding the next best option, though he couldn’t agree more that it was a letdown there would be the need for a hike. The longer the mission took, the longer you were stuck alone together.

You sat up straight once you’d found an area to land, throwing Poe a triumphant look as you pointed on the radar. “This will do, Commander. Two-hour hike, along a river that will provide a decent nav-point, look it leads straight through the outpost.” Your finger traced along a line excitedly.

Poe leaned over to look closely, examining the map and seeing no flaw in your plan, not that he thought he would. It was his job to double-check, to make the final call, but with you, as his second in command, it was hard to justify the need to do it-you were simply that good. He drew in a breath to reply only for his brain to stutter as your freshly showered, peachy scent filled his head.

With a slight frown, Poe leaned away before speaking, keeping his eyes fixed on the map. “Set the course, Major.”

“Commander.” You agreed, setting to it. Poe left the cockpit then, heading to gear up and check his blaster over while you took the ship in to land. By the time he’d finished pulling on his pack, holstering his blaster and ensuring his wrist comm was good to go, you had successfully landed the ship and given control over to BB8.

“Alright, buddy, take care of things while we’re gone and no parties!” Poe called to his droid, who replied in the affirmative before telling Poe to be careful. He chuckled warmly, punching the button for the ramp to lower as you finished gearing up and came to stand next to him.

Poe made to start down the ramp, stopping when you suddenly grabbed his arm, turning to look down at you in surprise. You released your grip and gestured outside. “I know it was in my reports, but I have to say it again-don’t touch anything, especially if it’s colourful. I overpacked on med supplies in case we come into contact with something poisonous, but we don’t know a lot of the species of plants and animals here.” You reached up and brushed some hair out of your eyes, “If we have to move quickly for any reason, try to pick the most open path, okay?”

Poe cocked a brow, “You think some plant will be worse than whatever’s making us run?”

You shrugged, following Poe as he began to descend the ramp. Immediately the cool hull of the ship disappeared, replaced by the humid air of the jungle planet. It smelled similar to Yavin-4, and as Poe took a deep breath, feeling almost nostalgic, he heard you do the same before replying.

“Honestly, I’m hoping we don’t find out.”

-

Within twenty minutes of a steady pace through the jungle, first in the direction of the nearby river and then shifting North to follow along its banks, Poe was soaked in sweat. You hadn’t understated the humidity, and though you had broth grown up on a planet with similar weather, it did feel a little heavier here. And the jungle surrounding you both was thick, densely packed with trees so tall and substantial that not a ton of light from the single sun made its way to the jungle floor. Though, if the shade was offering any reprieve from the heat Poe couldn’t fucking tell.

The air had sweetened somewhat once he’d followed you from the small field into the jungle and Poe, though on high alert for any threats as you lead the way, couldn’t help but admire all of the colour interspersed through the greenery. It was no wonder you had reminded him to avoid anything colourful, for the jungle floor was full of every colour imaginable, as beautiful as it was dangerous.

Thankfully, as you had predicted, moving along the bank of the river was the safest option, a long winding path of densely packed mud and rocks leading you to the outpost without having to brush against every bush you passed. The river wasn’t flowing too quickly, but it did give a subtle backdrop of sound that made the quiet between Poe and you less noticeable.

After just over an hour of walking, Poe was feeling grateful that the combat gear you each wore was as moisture-wicking as it was, though he had to keep wiping sweat from his forehead before it could fall into his eyes. It was one of the times he turned his head at an awkward angle to wipe his brow that his eyes caught movement in the distance, and though he kept walking behind you he fixed his gaze to the general area as he filled with alarm.

After a few minutes, he relaxed, fractionally, when nothing further moved. Still, he kept his eyes surveying the area, worrying at his bottom lip as he did. He was considering that the research and information about this planet didn’t pull a lot of data on living creatures, and as much as he was coiled for an attack he could just as easily have seen some sort of bird or rodent moving up a tree. His concentration on your surroundings was pulled when you suddenly let out a little gasp as you tripped on a root.

Without thought, Poe reached out and grabbed the back of your shirt before you could fall over completely, lifting you and setting you back on your feet. Embarrassed, you mumbled your thanks and looked away from Poe, who had been eyeing you to make sure you were alright. When your eyes landed somewhere just behind him and widened in horror, Poe was moving before you could open your mouth to warn him, instincts taking over.

Grabbing your upper arm, Poe urged you both forward quickly while pulling his blaster free with his other hand. You copied him, making no attempt to shake his grip and following his lead in shooting over his shoulder.

“You okay?” He asked, sparing you a glance and letting you go once you nodded and he was sure you were steady on your feet again, “Run.” And you did, neither of you wasting any time in shifting into sprints along the riverbed.

Poe looked over his shoulder and saw the creature he’d sensed earlier, cursing because it wasn’t just a rodent, and it looked like it most definitely ate humans.

It almost looked like a wolf, but it was about twice the size of any Poe had ever seen and its jaws were tightly packed with long, pointed teeth that would surely be able to pull limbs off without much effort. It was pursuing at Poe’s four o’clock, running carelessly through the many bushes and plants as it gained on you both, the only thing stopping it from lunging were the many thick trunked trees.

Firing a few more shots and cursing when they made no impact-clearly the beasts' sides were too thick for the blaster to cause harm-Poe shouted at you. “How far away are we?”

“At this pace ten minutes or so!”

“Fuck, okay, any idea what this thing is?”

You grunted, jumping over a fallen branch and glancing back at the monster, “Looks hungry, we should probably avoid letting it catch up to us.”

Poe swore again, picking up his pace and then aiming a few more shots over his shoulder carefully. The first few missed, but the third shot made contact with one of the beasts' eyes and it let out a roar of pain before barreling through the tree line and coming up right behind you both.

“Fucking shit, looks like we’re testing the theory of which is worse, sweetheart!” He barked, grabbing your arm and pulling you off the river path and into the jungle. Neither of you stopped, though Poe took the lead in running through the dense brush in hopes of keeping leaves and branches from hitting your face. His height advantage kept him just above most of the potentially dangerous plants.

He heard you continue shooting, then give a small whoop at the same moment another roar filled the air-you had hit it again. The heavy steps of the creature faded. Poe glanced over his shoulder to see if it had stopped. He didn’t see the beast anywhere, just you running slightly behind him until-

With a cry of his name, you suddenly sprinted to close the distance between you both and then tackled Poe to the ground, the impact, angle and speed making you both roll through the plants and bushes he’d been trying to avoid. Poe roared with indignation as he slammed right into the trunk of a large tree, coughing as dust filled his lungs. Seeing you on the ground next to him, he grabbed you and pulled you close, listening for any sounds of pursuit as you coughed along with him.

The tree you had tackled him into had a large bush at the base, which served as a decent enough hiding spot. You each waited for any sounds, but when nothing came Poe carefully led the way out, his eyes searching all over, almost overwhelmed at the abundance of colour surrounding you within the jungle. You both stumbled back toward the riverbank, reorienting yourselves until Poe looked around at you.

Closing the gap between you in two steps, Poe gripped the front of your shirt with both hands before shoving you into the nearest tree, “What the fuck was that?” He shouted, surprised to see you panting heavily and appearing unaffected by his violent outburst.

Shocked at his behaviour, Poe released you.

He was panting too, he realized.

“You almost ran over that edge up there, forty-foot drop.” You explained heavily, looking down at your clothing. “We’re covered in, what is this?” He watched as you patted your shoulder and dust hit the air, shimmering slightly in the light.

Since when did dust shimmer?

Poe glanced down at himself and found he was covered as well, copying you to try and get it off. “That bush had red flowers, did you notice?”

You nodded, frowning, “Yeah, not one of the few BB8 was able to identify. This could be its pollen.” You began to walk and Poe stepped in stride next to you, both of you walking along out of standard formation. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he recognized this. He just didn’t care, all of the sudden.

The base came in to view after a few minutes and Poe released a breath of relief. He hadn’t looked at you for a while, and something in his gut was telling him not to, though he had no idea why. He focused on searching for an entry point, trying to ignore how much hotter he felt, how the once comfortable clothing he had on now felt almost scratchy and he wished he could peel it off.

His skin felt...sensitive. Weirdly and increasingly sensitive. And still, he resisted the urge to look at you and see if you were experiencing anything similar. Looking at you didn’t feel safe.

Locating a doorway, you followed Poe and dropped to your knees to pry open the circuit board and play with the wires to get the door to release its lock so it could be manually opened. As he waited for you to work, his eyes dropped to stare at the back of your neck, where he could see the sweat dripping, the hair at the nape of your neck, below your bun, curling in the moisture. Just as he noticed how much you were sweating, he realized he was as well. Like, completely soaked.

Stars, he needed out of these clothes.

He didn’t even feel happy when you managed to break the door security and pry it open, nor any relief when he followed you inside and found the air in the abandoned, stone corridor outpost significantly cooler than outside. He simply followed you as you took a few steps down the corridor, stopping at the entrance to a room that’s door was open, peering in before taking a few steps inside.

It appeared to be some sort of old meeting room, a large marble table running the length, though most of the seats were gone and otherwise the space was unfurnished. This wasn’t a room of interest, and you seemed to decide this a moment before Poe, turning on your heel and looking up to meet his eyes as you did.

You opened your mouth to speak, but no sound came out.

Poe looked back into your eyes as that gut feeling shouted again not to look at you, but it was too late.

A low growl tore from his chest, and Poe was stalking forward.

+

Poe was moving toward you and every muscle in your body was coiled, ready to run, your mind all but screaming at you to get the fuck away from him. But you didn’t, you couldn’t, you stood rooted to the spot as he made to close the distance between you both, growling as he did.

You knew something had been wrong since leaving the jungle. You had been sweaty and much too hot, and you almost started crying when you’d been trying to get the door to open to the outpost because your skin was aflame and you needed to get the layers off of it for relief.

And you’d felt...you couldn’t exactly describe it, but you just knew you shouldn’t look up at Poe as he breathed heavily behind you, something deep within you telling you that things were off. Very, very off. Whatever was happening, it was overtaking Poe more aggressively than you at this point.

It had to be the pollen, you realized with growing horror. If the pooling of heat in your belly was any clue, that red flower had to be an unidentified fertility plant. But you’d studied fertility plants, and none that you knew of were this intense. You’d only been exposed, what, ten minutes? And yet you were both sweaty and overcome already.

And Poe didn’t look like himself anymore, something in him snapped the moment he met your eyes. He looked like a predator. Scarier than the beast outside that had chased you.

He was a breath away when you heard yourself let out a whimper, a mixture of fear and longing that seemed to stop him in his tracks, his eyes widening. He stood rooted to the spot but visibly struggled to lean away from you, horror replacing the dark look he’d had moments before.

“What, what the f-fuck is happening?” He gasped, closing his eyes as if in pain.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking hot, I need to get out of these clothes!” You cried out, yanking your shirt from where it was tucked into your khakis desperately. “I think it was a fertility plant, Poe, we have to g-get out of our clothes. Cov-covered in pollen.” It was starting to hurt just to breathe, to speak, to not be touching Poe.

He gave a moan indicating he was equally as uncomfortable, opening his eyes again.

When he looked down at you, the dawning horror overflowed. His eyes, normally soft and honey-coloured, were completely black. His gaze locked onto yours and a smirk replaced his fearful look, and as much as it scared you, you couldn’t look away, heat and wetness now pooling between your legs in anticipation.

“Little girl,” He growled, his body locked tight still but his eyes devouring you, “Look at what you’re doing to me.” He demanded, his hand moving to palm over his crotch where-

Stars, even with his pants still on you could see the outline of his erection, and you whimpered again. This was going to happen, there was no stopping it, you could feel that despite everything inside of you fighting to step away, to run, that when you did move it would be straight for him.

The pollen from this plant would kill you both if you didn’t follow your urges, that much you knew. You’d studied the tales of this strength of a fertility plant, and you knew the dangers that it could pose. You might both die anyway, now that you’d been exposed. It could be strong enough that you’d both just fuck until you died, and you knew that should scare you but...you felt yourself fading into the back of your mind, the heat enveloping you everywhere. Taking over.

You moaned again, still fighting the need to close the distance between Poe and you because you needed him to understand what was happening. “We can’t stop,” You gasped out, and then you watched as the darkness in Poe’s eyes faded slightly and his horrified expression returned-he was trying to fight the pollen.

“Run, (y/n), g-get away before, f-fuck I need y-you so bad,” He was trying to step back from you but unable to fight the burning need, the desire. You saw tears slip from his eyes, “Can’t control my-myself, sweetheart, r-run p-please.”

Tears leaked out of your eyes as you only stepped toward Poe, feeling yourself disappearing further in further into the back of your mind, “We have to, Poe,” He was again only a few inches away now, and what a sight it must be as you each stood so close, fighting against the pollen’s wishes and trying to pull back from one another with no success, “W-we might d-die, can’t f-fight this, oh fuck PLEASE!” You suddenly felt the heat reach a boiling point and absolutely needed Poe to touch you.

“Sweetheart,” He groaned, “F-fight me, don’t, don’t let me hurt y-you, we ha-have to fight it!”

“POE,” You screamed, the last of your true self speaking, “I promise i-it’s o-kay, ple-please, I don’t wa-want t-t-to die!” And the band within you snapped, and you were moving into Poe at the same moment his eyes turned black again and then, quite suddenly, he was on you.

If only everything could have gone black at that point.

Taglist 

@mermaidxatxheart @foxilayde @eleinemk @paintballkid711 @mylifeisactuallyamess​ @20th-centu-fairy-girl @deitysnips @cannedsoupsucks @ubri812​ @poedameronloverx​

[boop-le-snoot]

If life gives you melons...

Ship: Loki x F!alt! reader

Rating: Explicit / word count 5,5k

Summary: You've heard about meet-cute, how about meet-ugly? Reader has tattoos and a tongue split. There's this joke that "bisexual alt girls go looking for a girlfriend and end up with sad, tall and skinny white bois" and boy did that hit home. Inspired by this cringy video of Hiddles [youtube link].

During a panel at a comic con, Loki notices reader and they go on a date, reader gets railed: top!Loki, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex, all the good stuff. Open ending, with a bonus of reader and Loki pranking Clint.

x. I usually fancy they/them pronouns for Loki but seeing as it's a smut-shot, I decided to go along with he/him for the sake of simplicity. Loki's at least 6'4 tall and you can fight me on that. Also, I write like a Tony stan - I feel the need to apologize to Loki stans for that. I love you guys! 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

The long line of people appeared to be neverending. Loki was an enhanced, as the government recently had adopted a politically correct term for Earth's non-human inhabitants, but even his enhanced endurance had begun waning due to sheer amount of people wanting a piece of memorabilia signed by The God of Mischief. Loki had gained a considerable amount of fans after doing his part in killing the mad titan Thanos and by extension, saving the world. It turned out, humankind was a sucker for a good redemption arc.

Loki's hands ached where they wrapped around the pen that he'd been using for nearly 4 hours to neatly place his name, written in neat runescript, on various pieces of merchandise that his fans (and wasn't that a strange thing!) presented to him. He used to think that he would have actually succeeded conquering the earth if he had a grasp on how to use social media and his charm; now, he just wanted the torture to end. An involuntary sigh left his mouth when he saw another print of himself in full battle gear being placed in front of him by a reasonably attractive young woman.

"Um, thank you," She stammered, giggling softly, and Loki spared her a painstaking smile, scribbling his name once again. The woman briefly caught his eyes. "Um, you're the reason- the inspiration for me. I became a stripper."

Loki blanked, feeling his eyes widen and blink on their own accord a few times. He wasn't sure if he heard the woman correctly, as the unusual statement made his brain freeze.

Loud snickering from behind the blushing woman interrupted the system error that he was experiencing in his head. It wasn't often that somebody managed to render him speechless. It looked like whoever was in line behind the stripper woman had taken advantage of that. Loki's eyes snapped to the short-haired person, who looked torn between cringing and breaking into embarrassed laughter.

The stripper left without a word, and as Loki picked up the cursed writing instrument once again, the short-haired person smiled at him kindly. "That was a little weird," They snorted, "And thanks, have a nice day Mr. Loki."

"When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic," Another woman, that appeared to be the short haired person's friend, deadpanned and gave a cynical side-eye to the departing stripper. Loki heard snickering coming from the short-haired person and quietly joined himself. The woman noticed it, winking at him as she collected the newly signed t-shirt. "Bye," She smiled kindly.

It was a split second decision, really. Something about the cheeky way she addressed the situation sparked Loki's interest. "Wait, you forgot something, darling," His baritone called out to the departing woman. She turned around, confused, and hastily grabbed the standard issue photo that he was holding out to her. With a final grateful nod, she smiled and left.

If Loki's smile had returned for the time being, none of his teammates made any remarks on it. Only his brother, Thor, gave a couple of knowing looks to the Asgardian sorcerer.

The woman in question didn't think twice about the photo that she stashed in her backpack along with the signed t-shirt. The Comic-Con had been full of people and the lines were unfairly long. The sheer exhaustion after attending a 3-day long convention had set in and she was eager to simply come home back to her apartment and crash on the nearest soft flat surface. Upon arrival, she did exactly that, flopping down gracelessly on the couch, her backpack landing next to her with a careless thud.

Unloading her trophies was a short time affair: a single white tee with a dozen signatures on it, written in what she hoped was waterproof Sharpie; one mug, shaped like an Iron Man helmet; one poster, showing Spider-Man on a picturesque NYC horizon and a signed photo of one Loki. Strangely enough, she did not remember requesting it - not that she was complaining. Free merch was free merch.

The front side wasn't signed whatsoever. Overcome by curiousity, she turned it around. A phone number was written on the back of it, the handwriting neat and the letters obviously being inked out by a thinner, more sophisticated pen than the one Loki had used for scribbling on the tee. The woman gaped silently, not believing her eyes. Did Loki himself had given her his phone number?

One margarita and a hefty helping of Chinese takeout later, the numbers persisted staring back at her mutely, the neat cursive being almost mocking in its quiet. The woman's smartphone had found a comfortable place right next to the photo, equally mum regarding the unusual situation.

An additional margarita was needed to gather the courage required to actually type out the number in the receiver box. Fruity alcoholic concoction in one hand and phone clutched in the other, the woman's eyes squeezed shut tightly as soon as the dreaded "Hey, got your number today! :)" read delivered. She'd typed and erased the message several times, groaning in embarrassment. How the hell does one approach an alien god?

"Hello! May I ask your name?" The response came after a brief moment - a moment the woman had suffered through by taking too haste sips of her drink, her common since screaming her to not overdo it and wait at least a full minute before replying. Everything felt awkward and misplaced.

In no time, she was sending the screenshots of the conversation to her girl-advice group chat that consisted of her closest friends. Chatting with Loki turned out to be surprisingly easy and he was great at upholding conversation, something that couldn't be said about all those Tinder matches she had had back in the day.

Even if using proper grammar during a text message conversation was something she had to reacquaint herself with, she was glad he wasn't just another boring, shalllow, condescending-ass white boy. Despite the cultural differences and his lack of knowledge of things like pop culture and music - something he said he was working on since New Asgard became a sovereign state on Earth - they bonded over music and tattoos and generally being rebellious against society's standarts.

The invitation to dinner didn't come as a surprise for the woman. She agreed happily, looking forward to continue their conversation outside of the internet - if Loki's part of the chat was anything to go by, not only was he charming, but also quite intelligent. And easy on the the eyes, too. They had traded selfies at some point and the Asgardian didn't look any worse in a hoodie and sweatpants than he did in his battle leathers. Loki had appeared to truly have had integrated into Earth's society.

The night of the date, the continuous text exchange did very little to calm her nerves. Loki texted as much as an overeager teenage boy: every now and then he would double-text and grossly overreact to her sending a simple meme. In fact, he smugly conveyed the fact he'd single-handedly started a meme war between the Avengers and even Steve was forced to participate; something that was, allegedly, out of character for the blonde man.

She didn't mind. Not like she had many friends to have so much fun with. Even if it took her twice the time to do her favourite eyeliner style, it was worth it. She hoped Loki would appreciate the bold, but classy make-up and the dress and shoes combo that accentuated her assets. Her date expressed curiousity about her tattoos and the difference between her preferred style and the humans he spent most time with. She guessed secret agents were not particularly fond of anything that made them memorable so she held out quite the hope for... Showing off some of her tattoos in a more private setting.

In other, simpler words, the woman came in prepared for both a friendly, leisurely stroll and a quality night. Either way, it would be a time well spent.

Loki's shiny, raven hair was impossible to miss as he towered over the rest of the people waiting by the restaurant's entrance. He wore tailored black trousers and a simple cashmere sweater, perfect for the evening's damp, cool air. Tall and lithe, Loki was mouthwateringly handsome.

"Come here often?" She wormed her way through the crowd, causing the man to smirk down at her. Her cheeks flared from the tiny gesture alone.

"Just waiting for a friend," Loki uttered lowly, extending an arm towards the woman, which she gracefully accepted as they made way towards the entrance. "Reservation for Loki," The Asgardian stated to the hostess, who, after a rapid doube-take, led them to a private, secluded area in the back of the restaurant.

Loki shouldered the slightly awkward interaction with grace, paying no mind to the girl. His focus was solely on his date and he was nothing but gallant as he took the woman's purse and held out the chair for her to comfortably sit down. As a prince, he was taught well, she mused.

"Usually I would ask 'what brings you to our little ball of water and dirt?' but I think we can skip that part," The woman stated with a sheepish grin, idly flicking through the menu and curiously eyeing the items that were unfamiliar. The desire to try something new fought with the possibility of accidentally ordering something too far out - like snails or other things that rich people fancied, for some reason.

Loki's greens briefly appeared over the top of his menu, grateful and sparkling. "I think it's best if we do just that," For a second, he looked away, before returning to the menu. "I can think of better things to discuss. I recall you didn't finish telling me about that college friend of yours, who was an anarchist... I'm dying to know..."

The waiter came and went, barely noticed by the pair, as they both poked at something that sounded the most familiar for both of them. Stoically, Loki admitted that Tony Stark did the booking for him and the woman reluctantly acquitted she wasn't very familiar with upscale establishments, being of middle-class background and working a middle-class job.

Interrupting the story she began telling hours ago, the woman took the time to point out the things she was familiar with on the menu and advised Loki to stay away from - like the aforementioned snails, and other things, slimy and salty things that she considered to be 'disgusting but rich people liked it for some reason'. The conversation slowly progressed into Loki telling her the mischief he got up to at the feasts Odin threw. The Asgardian shared the woman's disregard for influential people doing gross things to show off.

The food was good - it was really hard to miss with a traditional Italian lasagna - and seeing Loki shovel an obscene amount of food was an experience, but she didn't comment on it, tactful enough to consider his alien biology might have different dietary requirements that her human one. It was great, really, that she could order dessert and not feel guilty about it.

The gelato melted in her mouth like sweet ecstasy and she moaned with her next bite, only partly aware of how obscene really was the noise.

Loki's hand stuttered on it's way to his mouth. Wide-eyed, he stared at her lips, at her mouth, where her tongue lapped up the small drops of dessert from the spoon. "Why the split tongue?" The Asgardian finally gathered his wits, having had a good look of what he was sure was a trick of the eye at first.

She grinned, acutely aware of the effect that particular body modification had on men. "I like being different. I embrace the weird." She giggled, not at all ashamed, sticking out her tongue and wiggling both parts of it teasingly.

Loki's Adam's apple bobbed; "Weird?" He raised his eyebrow, fighting to maintain his previous cool composure.

She nodded. "Weird," She retorted coyly. "I usually don't divulge the details at least until the third date. Wouldn't want to scare my potential suitors off," The playful wink was the proverbial cherry on top. He was hooked, his eyes darkened, following the plump arch of her lips as she took another spoonful of the treat and savoured it, closing her eyes for a brief moment.

It was pornographic.

"Obviously, Midgardians don't know what's good for them," Loki scoffed in his usual bored monotone, fully aware of how fitful his attempt to conceal his excitement was. He sounded needy even to his own ears.

"And you do?" She pushed away the empty plate, chastely patting her mouth with a napkin. The raised eyebrow and the little smirk spoke volumes.

The grin he wore was hardly anything but feral; he asked for the waiter's assistance by flicking his wrist in an impatient fashion. Once the bill was paid and the woman's cardigan found its rightful place on her shoulders, Loki once again took hold of her arm, this time holding her smaller body against his larger one, taking care to slow down and keep his strides shorter.

She found the coolness of his presence refreshing in the moist, heavy air of the New York city.

"Where to, milady?" Loki asked her, looking down at the woman fondly.

"My place is a block away. Walk me, good sir?" She gave a delightfully easy smile in return.

He nodded, letting her lead the way, allowing himself to get a little bit lost in their shared presence, a little bubble of them in the middle of a busy city. It was as if someone had quickly turned down the volume of the honking cars and noisy pedestrians around them, leaving the soft breeze and the sun slowly descending below the skyscrapers. It felt far too short, partaking in the comfortable silence together, skin tingling under the thin layers of cloth where they were touching.

The sun was trapped in the strands of her hair as she smiled at him from her doorway, worrying her lip between her teeth. It was a bittersweet moment.

"A kiss good night for the good sir?" She asked hopefully, eyes darting between his face and his mouth.

Loki obliged, resting his palm flat on the door frame, towering over the woman as he gently slotted his thin, cool lips against her warm ones. The woman stood on her tippy toes, eager, placing a hand on his chest. The pair melted into the kiss - it had no business being this mind-blowing, brain-freezing for two people that have not met until that very day. The woman didn't refuse when Loki probed with his tongue, requesting entrance to her mouth; she licked into his own with fervor, fisting her hands in the soft fabric of his sweater.

With the hand that was free, Loki pulled the woman flush with himself, feeling the heat of her start a fire of its own inside of him. Her breathing rapid, the gesture only served to tighten her hold on his sweater, until a soft, barely audible moan slipped into his mouth, causing his brain to quickly reassess the situation.

Regretfully, Loki pulled away, clearing his throat. "Perhaps we should take this elsewhere," He meaningfully looked at the array of doors around them.

"I thought you'd never ask," She retorted with a fond eyeroll, tightening the grip on his sweater once more, to pull him inside her apartment and shut the door behind her. The awkward moments were few and in between; neither knew who reached for the other first, mashing their mouths with less grace than before, clutching at the other's arms and hips with hunger.

This time, Loki didn't hold back his own muted groans of satisfaction, shivering when the woman's hands snuck under his sweater and the simple tank top he wore underneath. Blunt nails scraped along his abs.

Step by step, she pushed him further inside her apartment, determined in her small quick strides. There was no mistake of their destination; no mistake in her desire: she was as hungry and as impatient as him. The crease between his eyebrows deepened, long arms extending to unzip the top of her dress to reveal a simple but tasteful black lacy bra covering her breasts. The woman barely noticed the action, stepping out of her dress as soon as it hit the floor.

He admired her. Inches of soft skin covered by intricate ink, some patterns bizarre and complicated, some beautiful in their simplicity. Loki couldn't wait to find out about the meaning behind every one of them, to trace the lines with his tongue and sink his teeth into the heated flesh.

The hands that were holding onto him for dear life tugged on his sweater and he chose to simply vanish it, too preoccupied with looking at the view in front of him. She gasped and her eyes met his: uncanny, magnetic emeralds shone with magic and power and desire.

"Fuck," She more mouthed than said, walking backwards in a trance until her shins hit the bed.

Loki grinned, advancing on the panting woman with the grace of a predator. "Darling?" His tone was innocent; his expression was anything but. His large hand encompassesed the side of her face, thumb running over her bottom lip in a possessive gesture that had her squirming in her place. He loved the way she just melted into his touch.

Their lips met again, slower this time. The kiss was once again graceful and unrushed, allowing them to explore the softness of each other's skin, mapping the arches and valleys with gentle strokes of their palms. The broad expanse of Loki's back was uneven, riddled with scars and blemishes, and she mapped every single one, blunt nails raking down it as she pressed into him, arching into his hands where he held her.

The soft flesh of her ass, barely covered by a scrap of black lace, was shamelessly grabbed - the woman didn't doubt there would be marks left - letting her feel his arousal pressed against her belly, hard and twitching. She didn't resist her desire to ge handsy and palmed it, taking note of the gasp and the twitch coming from the man occupied with the clasp of her bra. In no time, it flew away, forgotten somwhere the very moment Loki's palms took over her breasts, running a careful thumb over each nipple.

"Fuck," She parroted her previous statement, equally breathy and considerably more aroused.

"That's the plan," Loki's chuckle was hoarse.

She huffed, biting her bottom lip before reaching out to swiftly pop the button of his trousers, smirking at the hiss the friction of her palm produced against his cock. It shouldn't have surprised her that Loki was a commando kind of guy, but still, she gasped, partially from the ministrations of his clever fingers, partially from the mouthwatering sight in front of her. The thick, flushed length made saliva gather in the corners of her mouth.

He must've heard the audible swallow. "Not so haste, darling," He tutted, giving her relaxed body a gentle push, causing her to land on her back, heated skin against the soft duvet of her bed. "Let me taste you," A thud; Loki had dropped to his knees, using his large palms to spread her legs, opening her up to his eyes.

If his previous work hadn't made her so pliant, so aroused, she'd have been rendered speechless; instead, the woman arched her back, presenting herself and the desire that had pooled down below. The Asgardian chuckled, fingertips soft against the scratchy lace.

"Tease," The woman moaned, outstretching her arm to guide him but quite unable to reach him. She had to settle for squirming in her place, receiving a fraction of the desired traction against her swollen lips.

"Am I, love?" Loki asked her sweetly, caving enough to dip a single finger to run along the outside of her slit. It glided easily thanks to all the moisture gathered there, lips parting easily before his touch. The panties were vanished away promptly, another finger joining in immediately to rub slow, precise circles around her clit.

She keened low and long, fisting the fabric in her hand until her knuckles turned white. Loki knew what he was doing. It didn't take him very long to slide his long digits to the welcoming heat of her opening, dipping them inside until she began to make the noises he so craved. His mouth followed after that, long agile tongue drawing senseless shapes on the inside of her labia and dipping deeper, where her clit stood out engorged and slick.

He could smell the bittersweet of her arousal, mouthwatering and hot.

"Loki, fuck," She moaned, only half-coherent and partially aware of her own hips following his every stroke, every flick. He only advanced, hitting that sweet spot inside her with every stroke; the sparks traveling up her spine quickened with each time she changed his name like a prayer. "Loki, Loki, Loki..."

He growled, attaching his mouth firmly to her clit, and she arched for the final time, coming undone, squeezing around his fingers and gushing in his mouth, the obscene sounds covered by her own scream of delight and his impatient growling. The growling that sent shivers of aftershocks throughout her body.

"Darling, you taste so sweet," Loki groaned, still panting.

She took the time to open her eyes: Loki looked comically out of place in her bedroom, he dwarfed her bed and made her feel small, but it didn't matter at all at that very moment. His erection stood out hard and proud; despite the leg-shaking orgasm just moments ago, she wanted more, she wanted to taste him, she wanted to feel him inside-

With unsurprising agility, one swift motion was all it took for her to rest comfortably against the pillows, his throbbing member resting against the juncture of her thigh. She tasted her own release on his lips, however brief, whispering a weak, "Please," aching to feel the emptiness.

"As my lady wishes," Loki's cool breath ghosted over her cheek. She waited with baited breath until the tip of his manhood breached her, exhaling a moan into his neck and immediately wrapping her lips around a patch of skin as he stretched her so sweet.

Loki's arms shook slightly as he waited for her to adjust. He kissed her, soft and sweet; there was something vulnerable in him, something as sweet as the ache he'd taken away. Once he began to move, slow and fluid, all there was left was an all-consuming need to feel. As graceful as dancer and with a deadly precision, Loki pounded gasps, moans and screams out of the woman's slack mouth, kisses turning hungrier and sloppier by the second.

"So sweet," He cooed, relishing in the snug grip of her cunt around him.

She only keened in approval, too far gone and unused to the intensity of the feelings from a man with centuries of practice and the power of a god.

His thrusts slowed gradually until he was rutting into her, grinding his pelvic bone into her clit. The gasps and screams turned into drawn-out, longing moans; her hips followed his, meeting in a slow, sensual motion.

Loki was not a patient man. He withdrew - she gasped in protest - flipping the woman over on her fours with ease, taking but a split second to admire the curve of her body presented on display for him. Just for him.

With that thought burning in his mind, Loki sheathed his cock deeply inside her spasming cunt. It was nearly unbearably stimulating and only his own desire to prolong the bliss held back his own impending orgasm. That, and his own ego; he was naught if not a generous lover.

She slurred something, quiet and incorrigible, fucking back onto his cock as eagerly as he was plunging into her heat. The hand he'd placed on her shoulder promptly wrapped around her throat in hopes of lifting her close enough for him to hear the words but instead, it sent a full-bodied shiver throughout her. Loki grinned, tugging her that much closer.

The arch in her back looked quite uncomfortable yet she didn't mind; it was the exact opposite, in fact, her cunt tightened around him, drenching his shaft down to his balls. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of his thigh, the sting of pain going straight to his cock-

"Loki, I'm gonna, I'm gonna-" She slurred, gasping for air.

He weakened his hold on her throat enough to let her gulp the so-needed oxygen. It was her undoing: was it the rapid pace of oxygenated blood traveling to her brain or was it his cock, mercilessly pounding against her g-spot - she was violently spasming around his cock, much like she did around his fingers not too long ago.

It felt like ages, her crescendo coming in waves with no signs of stopping any time soon. Loki's continuous thrusts, his hips slamming into hers, her skin feeling like molten lava.

"Gonna fill your sweet cunt with my seed," Loki moaned lowly, holding her up by the throat, the other hand leaving fingertip-shaped bruises on the outside of her hips. "Mark you from the inside out," His voice had gone into primal territory, growling filling up the room.

"Please..." The woman rasped, oversensitive.

And he pleased, with a series of sharp thrusts, he buried himself to the hilt in her, the force of his release making her shudder and moan once against, going limp in his arms. Loki kept her in her place until every drop was inside of her cunt. Nothing was sweeter than that.

The Asgardian didn't bother with getting under the covers to hold her, conjuring a soft, comfortable throw in modest green, to cover their nudity. He didn't need the extra warmth but his companion was by far more fragile and sensitive to these things- Loki's fingertips traced the array of bruises he'd left in the wake of their passion, expression surprised as he found the woman smiling.

"Feels nice," She supplied meekly, eyes half-lidded, face trusting and open towards him.

He gave a small grin in return, placing a chaste kiss atop her head. "Yes, it does, darling."

Time after time, she didn't expect much out if their date. The sex was nice, nice enough for both of them to want seconds and thirds after their rushed first time - but it wasn't like she expected him to hand around. It was a pleasant change from the usual mutual ghosting she'd done with her previous partners, but Loki had texted again and they had resumed their conversation via text like nothing had happened.

No, that would be incorrect. Now, she had a wonderful friend who was a great conversationalist and an even better lover. There was no pressure to put a label on their relationship so the woman didn't bother with it; it didn't seem like Loki cared about the label, either, so she left the topic alone and enjoyed things the way they were. It wasn't like she had a line of suitors anyway.

She couldn't help the smile that creeped onto her face when she unlocked her phone and saw a video call request from other than Loki himself. She still had thirty minutes worth of lunch break to waste and this was a wonderful time to chat with a friend.

"Stark, hand it back or I swear to Norns-" Loki's voice sounded agitated and far away, accompanied by sounds of a struggle; the bearded, smug face on the screen was not who she expected at all. Only years of customer service and low bullshit tolerance combined stopped her from freaking out seeing none other than Tony Stark smirking at her from the screen of her phone.

"Yes?" She arched an eyebrow, taking note of the anger of Loki's tone.

"Hi, I don't think I need to introduce myself," Stark babbled, eyeing her - disheveled and with a wall full of sticky notes and miscellaneous items acting as the background to her video. "Reindeer games refused to show you to us so we decided to persuade him," Tony's grin grew wider, muted whispers being rapidly exchanged in the background all the while Loki screeched "BROTHER!" and various expletives at the top of his lungs.

"You could've, I dunno," She paused, unimpressed. "Asked me to dinner, like a normal person. Instead of stealing, you know, like a thief," The eyeroll that she performed had the team worried her eyes would fall out of their sockets.

"I merely borrowed his phone, don't be dramatic," Stark huffed, and for a moment, she could see various other people trying to look at the screen and by extension, at her. "So, what is it that you do? Because Smurf over there wouldn't..."

"Oops, bad signal. Sorry, can't hear you properly," Her side of the call suddenly shook and in a moment, she ended the call, not at all willing to deal with people that lacked boundaries. Sure, it might have been Iron Man, but if he was planning on being a snooping asshole, she wasn't gonna go down with that easily.

Exactly five minutes after she had clocked out, an incoming call from Loki had her equal parts excited and mortified. What if..? But he was apologetic. And very angry, swearing in his native language - something that he'd promised to teach her at some point.

"So, Clint did it?" She sipped her beverage, strolling home with the phone pressed snugly against her ear.

"Most of it was his fault, yes," Loki grouched on the other end of the call.

"I vote we get back at him. Invite me over, if he's so inclined to see me, and watch him get humiliated in front of everybody," It wasn't a secret she had her own mischievous tendencies.

"As much as I appreciate your vigour, darling, I doubt the Widow will appreciate you verbally castrating the Hawk in public," He replied sourly, his voice still betraying the faint notes of interest.

"I have a backup plan!" She stated without a hitch. "He'll embarrass himself and I'll be your alibi."

"I'm listening," Loki perked up immediately.

They decided to not to stall and schedule the 'family dinner', as Thor himself dubbed it, for the next available weekend. Loki had made sure Tony's AI had been made aware the trickster would be gone all day, and it took him very little magic and effort to pop in and out of the tower for the five minutes that were needed to execute their prank.

His friend barely managed to keep the snickering at bay as they ascended the elevator to the common floor where the dinner was being held. Not only that, but the woman spouted an area of dark purple love marks, barely obscured by the low turtleneck of her blouse.

She made her introductions and they made theirs. "This affair could use some background noise," She remarked off-handedly, casting a meaningful glance at the TV.

Tony Stark was known for being a great host so he entertained her wishes, flicking on the huge flat screen with a flick of his wrist.

The team froze.

"I... -" The woman stared at the screen, mouth hanging wide open at the scenes that played out. "... am not going to kinkshame, but please turn it off," She stated in a small voice, seemingly unable to tear her eyes away from the mass of tentacles commencing erotic assault on a woman's body.

Wordlessly, the TV shut down, immersing the room in stunned silence. Loki face-palmed, the slap of his palm against his face echoing in the eerily quiet room.

"Loki!" Captain America, red as a tomato, instantly accused the most obvious person.

Except, he had forgotten one thing. "Loki was with me all day," The woman replied, unkindly. "Do you need more proof?" She tugged on the hem of her turtleneck, exposing an inch of skin marked blue.

The good Captain's face changed the shade once again, venturing very well into beetroot territory. "Who was the last one to use the TV?" Rogers asked, now with a hint of anger, as he stared at a guffawing Bucky.

"I believe it was Mr. Barton," The AI piped up, mechanical voice sounding almost insinuating. Or, perhaps, it just appeared that way.

[p1nkwitch]

@lonelyeyesweek

Day 1 - First Meeting

Peter was very reluctant to go to the Magnus institute funding party; uncle Nathaniel informed him that one of his new duties would be to make business with James Wright and he really didn't want to do that. A beholder… What a nightmare.

I would've stayed at home

'Cause I was doin' better alone

Peter was very reluctant to go to the Magnus institute funding party; uncle Nathaniel informed him that one of his new duties would be to make business with James Wright and he really didn't want to do that. A beholder… What a nightmare.

The party was unfortunately the most informal way to meet the man, otherwise he would be forced to enter a small room with the watcher to make sure he didn't dry up his family money for an indefinite amount of time.

So he was really dreading the moment he would be meeting this man, Simon kept telling him that James was an old friend and that it would be fine, that he was actually funny beneath all the politeness, however he wasn't so sure about that.

Due to Simon’s and his uncle’s influence he has a very loose idea of some boring old man, a type of academic with a nondescript look that he will forget as soon as he leaves.

With any luck he would just make his acquaintance today and then he may go from the party, Peter preferred to be at home instead of dilly dallying with the masses. As much as he likes to observe people, he likes it better when it's on his own terms and when he is not forced to be part of an event.

So he goes with very little hope for the night, the only positive is that he may get some free food and some alcohol, albeit champagne will not do much for him.

The moment Simon sees him, he zeroes on him and stays nearby talking about his trips to Europe. He also tells him about a few sacrifices he made that actually seemed rather interesting. Still Peter preferred the ones he committed at the ocean, but he knew the man was always more partial to the sky so its not surprising they are all on that vein.

“What about you Captain? You have a few voyages under your belt now lad, how did those go? Were they to your liking?” And the answer to that is a bit complicated, Peter is still getting used to handling a ship, his crew hasn't been properly trained yet to keep themselves in check so he has to… ugh make a few rules.

The other problem is that most of his crew is formed of older, more experienced sailors. Peter is 26 and unfortunately has a rather… soft looking face, he has been trying to grow a beard to at least make himself look a bit more rugged or older looking, but that will take time and he just has a five o’clock shadow for now. It will take him months to have anything resembling what he wants. The graying hair does work a bit better, that he can count for at least.

He is considering hiring someone to relay his messages to, so that way he can stay away most of the time and he can practice his solitude in peace. He really would love to not be perceived until he looks like he wants.

“Its ok, I still need to figure out a few things to be honest, I would love it if the crew was a bit less…”

“Talkative?”

“Friendly” Simon nods at him and pats his shoulder before going back to another story of a trip he made like 250 years ago. It is quite interesting, albeit Peter gets struck with how old the man is. Most of the time he can forget it, easy to do when Simon is so lively, but when he tells him these stories…. hard to ignore in all honesty.

Picking up an offered champagne glass he listens distractedly wondering when he will meet the man organizing this whole charade.

The older man talks to him but at some point his sentence drifts off and he looks behind him with a grin. A bit lost and now concerned, those grins never end up well for him, Peter turns back to check what exactly was his companion watching.

The answer comes to him like a hit to the face.

An older man talking and entertaining several people at the same time, Peter doesn't realize that he was gripping his glass very tightly until Simon waves and calls for the man over.

He wasn't boring looking like his uncle or very, very old like Simon. He must be in his fifties, he was dressed up impeccably with a black shirt that had his sleeves rolled out to his elbows, a deep green vest with golden details and dark green pants.

The man also has a pencil moustache and a few moles near his jaw, which made him stand out. He was also a bit shorter than him, but most people are so that doesn't surprise him.

The air of surety, of knowing he had made him feel bigger than he was however.

Peter swallows and feels his face warm up for reasons he can't comprehend.

When the man turns around towards Simon, he can see his eyes-

Grey.

Peter never looks anyone to their eyes and yet, and yet-

For a second it feels as if the man also froze looking at him, he had a look of….surprise almost?

But it was only for a second, the next thing Peter knows is that the man starts to approach them while he is struggling to not disappear in a puff of smoke. Oh, Forsaken protect him.

“Hello Simon” His voice is very low and amused, oh fuck.

“Hello James!! It's been a while hasn't it?” Ja-

James?

“You are James Wright?” Peter cuts off the man before he answers back to Simon and he realizes that he is an idiot, shit-

No wonder he was so eye-catching then.

…

For some reason James' lips twitch upwards as if he was trying not to smile at something. Peter has no way to know what is so funny.

“You must be Peter Lukas then? Nathaniel… told me about you, its a pleasure to meet you” Peter smiles his usual vapid smile to keep him from prying, he already feels exposed and kind of confused about the man. Better to make this quick and go.

“Yes, uncle mentioned you too, albeit he did not do you justice” ???? What the fuck is he doing, what is wrong with him??? Why did he say that??

Peter feels his hands sweat and his face warm up, he is praying he is not red in the face.

James looks perplexed and he feels Simon staring at him with the biggest grin ever as if he was having the time of his life which knowing him, he probably did, he loves drama after all.

“Is that so?” The man crosses his arms and Peter has to keep himself from staring at the flex of it he has to.

What the hell is wrong with him?

“Yes! He made you sound like a boring old man to be honest, but you are quite the opposite, you look very-” Peter spends a lot of time alone, meaning he doesn't properly talk with people. His usual mechanism of defense is to talk so much that everyone just lets him be.

That translates into him not having a filter, because of that he just says what is on his mind, even if he knows he shouldn't. In this case it is a shot in the foot and he has no idea why, why is he reacting like this? The man is-

Is just a bit good looking thats all!! No need to be so nervous.

“...Good” His face is burning, Peter knows he must be red all over.

He is an embarrassment to the family name, he has to go, he has to go now. How is he going to face him to do business oh shit-

James for his part seems to look at him with something akin to wonder an a bit of curiosity, while Simon-

Simon for his part is sighing mentally about his nephew’s taste in man. Very on brand for a Lukas, albeit Jonah seems to be quite taken aback.

Peter might look like Mordechai but they are not alike at all.

“Well thank you Mister Lukas”

“Peter is alright” Why won't he shut uppppp, what is wrong with him? This has never happened before, a little bit more and he will spontaneously combust.

James smiles at him and something in his chest squeezes. Is he dying? Is his heart giving out on him so soon?

“Well Peter, it was lovely meeting you. I can't wait to make business with you. I'm sure we will get along… very well”

“I can't wait” !!!!!! He wants to die.

Peter is going out to sea for the next 4 months just to get rid of whatever this is.

James grins at him and is about to leave, making him let out a breath of relief when he turns slightly.

“Say… I was going to ask Simon to drink with me after the party, in my office. Would you like to join us?” No!

“Sure” The man gives him a smug look and goes.

Simon pats his back.

“You need to get better at flirting, albeit i do believe you impressed him quite a bit, he usually ignores all the Lukas that come to make business with him”

“Im going to kill myself” He hates his life so much.

“Ah lad don't be like that, its just a few drinks, it doesn't have to go anywhere else”

Several years and flings with the man later. Peter is left with only grief at James sudden passing. They had something of a thing going on, not really labeled, since neither liked that. But the man suddenly broke things up and Peter in his anger left for months on end.

By the time he came back he found out James died and he had a new replacement.

Elias Bouchard.

He hates him on principle.

Peter is cold with him at every little meeting, speaks just as necessary and goes before the man even attempts to chat him up. At least he has his own loneliness, the only thing that truly lasts for him.

It sings out to him, like a siren song, it's easier to get lost on it, to just… become colder and harsher. What else should he do? It's not like Peter could ever love someone like that again.

Or want to.

“-ter, Peter!!”

“What do you want Mr Bouchard?” The younger man was glaring at him and it feels unfair, he should be the one glaring.

“I was asking you if you intend to stop being difficult and listen to me for once! I swear i get you lonely ones love playing at the grief stricken partner, but its been months already im getting tired of trying to talk to you like pulling teeth. Listen- i know i was kind of an ass, but really i needed to do the switch and i was worried a bit about people talking about some favouritism-” What the hell is he on about now??? Also how dare he!

“What- are you talking about? I'm not faking- what are you-!? Listen, I'm not up for games, let alone your games. I have better things to do than be your little entertainment, give me the papers to sign and I will be on my way, off of your life-” Elias gets up and slams his hands on the desk making him flinch.

“That attitude!! I don't want you out of my way!!! I said what I said as James because I was going to change bodies and people were talking about our relationship too much, it would look odd when I became Elias and we hooked up again!!”

Peter freezes.

“What- what do you mean became Elias?” The man who is not Elias??? Narrows his eyes and then suddenly looks surprised and confused.

“You don't know-”

“What do you-”

“How can you not know I told you- i-” Elias? Drifts off and looks to the empty room with a blank expression.

“I forgot to tell you”

“Um-”

“I thought i told you after- oh, oh fuck we ended up sleeping together after sacrificing that woman at the restaurant, i got distracted and-”

Peter starts to piece together a few things.

“James…?” Elias flops on his chair covering his face and doing a muffled scream into his hands.

“I can believe i forgot i got so excited that you let me tie you up that i completely forgot” Peter’s face burns.

“I-”

“Yes, yes it's me, I thought you were being difficult not that you- oh my god you actually were grieving me weren't you? You sap” His face turns smug, and it's so familiar-

The eyes-!

“Yes, those are really mine”

“You-!” Peter wants to punch him.

“Me?” Elias already closes his eyes expecting a punch. Yet he side steps the desk, comes closer and pulls him up to his feet by his tie.

“If you- you want to choke me-” He shuts him with a kiss. It takes a bit to register on the other’s mind because once he does he grips his hair and pulls them closer practically melting against him. Peter doesn't stop kissing him, cnat.

“You twat-” In between kisses he curses him out, he was making the rounds across his neck, decided that he was going to leave pretty little marks for everyone to see. Elias? James? Doesn't seem to mind much.

“Sorry-”

“You- fucking- bloody- ass!!” A bite close to the jugular has him moan a bit, Peter’s hands go to grip his thighs and the other catches his meaning because he lets him lift him up. He carries him to the small couch and drops him there with an ompf-

“Hey-” That he interrupts when he climbs on top of him and starts to kiss him again with a very clear intention in mind.

“Oh…” Yes, Peter is glad he can use forsaken to soundproof the room, he had no intentions to let the other be quiet.

Now that he is not upset, angry or… turned on, Peter lays his head on top of Elias' chest, while he explains the whole being Jonah Magnus, and thinks that he is very handsome.

Not in the same way as James was, no, but he was still very handsome.

“I was leaning more into pretty but unassuming, but thank you for the vote of confidence for the new body” What a smug prick.

“He is not…?”

“God no, only fragments or echos, the real Elias is very dead, its just me”

“Jonah?” Elias nods at his question.

“Basically”

“Huh” The shorter man’s hands play with his hair making him nuzzle his neck. He thinks about it for a bit, but decides to go for it, after all he has gotten this far anyways “Pleasure to meet you Jonah”

The other stays quiet for a bit.

“Pleasure to meet you Peter”

Their relationship is not conventional or normal by anyone's standards, but…

It works.

Somewhat.

“So… I got you so distracted you forgot to tell me huh?” Elias sighs.

“I can show you exactly how enticing you looked to me to make me forget, do not tempt me” Feeling his face heat up he tries to play it off.

“Maybe when we are in an actual bed and want to experiment a bit” Elias chuckles and then turns into a full blown laugh that makes him feel the rumble of it against his ear.

“I can't believe this, but i missed you” He hears Elias heart speed up while admitting that to him, it makes his face warm up.

Peter knows he missed him too, but he wont admit that, too out of character. So instead...

“Will take that with me, feels delicious”

“Oh hush, you already cannibalized yourself, don't be a prick”

Yes, he definetly missed this bastard and he will have so much fun re-aquitaining to him properly. They are closer in age now, Peter’s body is a bit older than Elias now, just 6 years, but it feels good.

This time people will give Elias looks instead of him, Peter’s gray hair and beard made him look older.

“You are impossible Peter”

“Stop reading my mind then” Elias sighs and kisses the top of his head hesitantly.

“Don't make it so easy then” Peter lets out a breath.

Prick.

"Never"

"Rude, what a rude person you are" Peter nuzzles him and that shuts him up.

Better.

[thispabulum-blog]

Single and Ready to Mingle

What's the Tea? Tuesday

Very soon after becoming officially single, I decided it was time to start looking for new people to spend time with - one of the things about living with someone for so long is that you get really used to having another person around all the time - which is a roundabout way of saying I was lonely.

I wasn't sure how much dating had changed in the last 8 years, so I instinctively went back to my old stomping grounds: OkCupid. I don't know if my old profile exists anymore and had no luck trying to find it, so I just went ahead and created a new one.  OkCupid seems like the best platform for me, primarily because it's VERY word-heavy. Lots of super long, detailed profiles, tons of match questions, and match percentages. It's also a very poly/kink/ENM-friendly site. 

Tinder, by comparison, is essentially a lawless wasteland. Super short profiles, and you mostly have to figure out for yourself if you think you'd be compatible (except for the "passions") which are…meh. At first I was barely matching with anyone, though it has improved a bit. 

I don't have profiles on any of the other popular sites, but I'm open to it, if for no other reason than to check it out and see how it works. 

Living in the future

I set up a Google Voice phone number almost immediately, because I wanted to be able to text or call people without giving out my actual number. It's really easy to block people and I think this was a good choice. I would recommend this to anyone who’s doing online dating, or anything where you might need to give your phone number to strangers online (selling stuff, etc.).

What am I looking for? 

Every time someone asks me this, I think I give a different answer, because at this point I really don’t know. I’m open to most things. I’d like new friends, people to spend time with, people I can chat with. To some extent I would like people to go on dates with. I mean, honestly, I’m starting my life over in a lot of ways, so I’ve got space for all kinds of things.

I tend to tell people that I’m recently out of an unhappily-monogamous relationship, and that I’m mostly looking for cuddly-affectionate friendships. Sometimes I add that I’m open to further intimacy if the vibes are right, but often I leave that part out because a lot of people get stuck on it.

Like in a sitcom when a wife asks a husband for a backrub, and he rubs her back for about 30 seconds before trying to turn it into sex. I truly would like to cuddle, and it’s super important to me that I not feel pressured or obligated to have things go further than that if I don’t want to - because if I feel pressured, I won’t want to, you understand? 

What's my type? 

Physically: This has been an interesting exploration for me, because one of the things that I tend to lie to myself about is that I like to think I don't have a type. Scrolling through my matches, though, a few things stand out. I like brunettes. I like Hispanic and Latino guys. I like facial hair. Glasses come up a lot. I’m seeing a lot of long, curly hair. None of these are hard-and-fast rules, though, just preferences and tendencies and common threads I notice a lot. Height doesn’t matter, and as far as body type I really run the whole spectrum. 

Mentally: I like guys who are into nerd shit. Star Wars/comic books/D&D are big ones, but I’m also interested in guys who are nerds about history or astronomy or music or whatever. I love gamers for some reason, despite not doing much gaming myself. If they're unapologetically excited and passionate about something, I want to hear about it. They also have to be intelligent, and funny - I like to have deep conversations, but I can’t deal with someone who takes themselves too seriously all the time. I have a particular fondness for people who share my love of dad-jokes and wordplay. As my profile says, "I like 'em smart, silly, and a little bit surrealist". 

Emotionally: I like Sad Boys. I really, really like Sad Boys. Idk. This is probably not super healthy, but oh well. Tell me you're just off a breakup and I will swoon. Hint at some past trauma and I’ll basically invite myself over. Let’s go sit in a corner at the party and talk about your divorce and then make out. 

I think one of the shifts in my approach this time around (maybe? It's hard to recall the headspace I was in before) is that I am more comfortable emphasizing looking for friends and just letting things be whatever they are.

A lot of times on dating sites there's this idea of gogogogogogo! If you don't set up a date within 2 days of starting to talk, everything is ruined! If your conversation fizzles out you can never get it back! If someone doesn't answer your message for a few days, they're not interested! If you wait a few weeks, the person will be locked down! 

Maybe it's an age thing [I am now a thirtysomething], but like…life happens. I understand people have busy schedules and jobs and friends and other things going on, so I'm more patient now. Half the people in my life I haven't seen in more than a month, and I don't worry about it. 

I'll see if I can go through two weeks at a time until we get caught up. 

Week 1 (Feb 13 - 19):

I set up new profiles on both OkCupid and Tinder, sent out a lot of messages, talked to a few guys that seemed interesting but nothing really happened. Met up with no one. Ran into Space Kitten on OkCupid and said hi. 

I did start talking to this guy Eclipse who's super chill. He has great taste in mellow music and the most amazing natural curly hair that I want to bounce. (Side note: I don’t remember how old he is, and he has since deleted his OkC profile after ensuring that I had his phone number so we could text. It feels weird to ask at this point, but I think he's somewhere between 23 and 27.) We've been trying to meet up continuously, but we are plagued by obstacles. Scheduling, illness, car difficulties, etc. I just wanna go eat Thai food and play board games with him. Is it a relationship? No. Is it a cuddly-affectionate friendship? In the making, perhaps. 

Week 2 (Feb 20 - 26):

Whew. This was quite a week. Already, things are popping off in a big way.

The first thing that happened during Week 2 was that on Sunday I started talking to Weeb Dude (he has ended up with the worst nickname ever and there's nothing I can do about it at this point; that's how everyone in my life knows him. After this I mostly get more proactive coming up with better nicknames).

He’s in his mid-20s, works in education, watches Euphoria a lot when he’s not deep into anime. I really enjoy his positive, supportive energy and his silly but often dry sense of humor.

He was determined to get me to start watching anime, and asked me a lot of questions about my taste in tv, movies, and books to get an idea of where I should start and what I would enjoy. Then he sent me some clips of his recommendations so I could check them out and pick what I thought I’d like. I appreciate this level of determination, which is more than anyone else who’s tried to get me to watch anime has done. I’m not unwilling, I’m just overwhelmed.

The second thing that happened was that your girl Pabulum did a dumbfuck thing. I was home alone on Sunday night, and there had been this guy I’d matched with on OkC and exchanged a couple of messages with. We’ll call him Blocker, in a bit of foreshadowing. Cute Hispanic guy, 24, really fit, definitely what I would consider Out of My League or at least just like...not existing on the same plane of dating. I think my first message to him said something like “This isn’t gonna happen, but damn you’re hot”, because he was very clear in his profile about looking for hookups and that’s just not me, but I can always appreciate an attractive human being, and I think men in general don’t get enough compliments. 

Anyway, he was more into it than I expected, and there were some flirty messages and a lot of me being like “Nah, man” and him being like “That’s okay, just let me know when you’re ready” and he said lots of nice and very appealing things about what he wanted to do to me. At some point I was like...fuck it. I’m an adult. This is an experience I should have at least once, right? He adds me on Snapchat because that’s what the kids do these days to make sure they’re talking to the person they think they are, and we send some pictures back and forth. I run out of reasons to say no, so I guess it’s on now. 

[Clearly this didn’t work out well, so you’re gonna hear some stuff. Break out the earmuffs for the small children.]

We get together and he’s like...immediately on me, which is not my favorite. He’s a really hot guy and I want to kiss him on his nice, full lips and I want to take his shirt off so I can touch his stomach and I want his mouth on me, and none of those things are happening. He’s got one hand in my shirt, and the other guiding my hand down his pants, and this is like literally less than 1 minute after saying hi. Ugh.

He wants my mouth on him, but he’s too aggressive about it and that’s a pet peeve of mine (I know what I’m doing, thanks, back off), so I push him onto the bed and climb on top of him so he will at least sit still. And then very quickly things progressed [safely, I promise] and it’s like...okay. It’s decent. There’s a lot of moving around but not a lot of interaction, and none of the things that would make this a fun experience for me are happening, and before I know it he’s done and that’s that and shoes are on kthxbai. Womp womp wooooomp. 

He blocks me on OkC and on Snapchat before I’m back to my own bed, and I’m surprised that I don’t even feel like anything happened. Literally less than 20 minutes from walking in the door to walking out.

Rant Time: It was just so underwhelming, honestly. And I was baffled. Like…is this what people do? It’s boring. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to a one-night stand or anything, but I like to take my time. I like connecting with people. I like physical touch.

Not only was this not satisfying or enjoyable for me, but I’m not sure how it could have possibly been good for him, either. And I guess the block proves that. I feel like he could have taken care of it himself just as easily and saved us both the time and hassle.

A friend of mine suggested that while obviously he’s emotionally immature, it may be that because he’s so attractive, he feels that he can afford to treat women as disposable sex toys, the same way you hear jokes about rich people wearing clothes once and then throwing them away rather than wash them. Which I suppose is probably the most accurate assessment of the situation, but AT LEAST WEAR THE CLOTHES WELL, Y’KNOW?? 

Texting one of my best friends about it the next morning, I said “If I don’t get to rub my face on your tummy, you’ve failed sexually”, and as great of an out-of-context quote as that is, I stand by it. I spent most of the week complaining about it to anyone who would listen, and was pretty sure that'd be the last time I did that.

(Spoiler: It was not)

The third thing that happened during this week was Baymax. Sigh.

I got a message bright and early on Monday morning.

So I looked at this guy's profile and he is TWENTY. Full stop. Twenty. Not old enough to drink. But he's got these really pretty blue eyes and a goofy smile and he has enough facial hair that he doesn't look like an infant.

However, I went ahead and told him what I was looking for, and his answers back to me hit me where it hurts - he's a Sad Boy. Dammit, my weakest weakness! 

I continued talking to him throughout the week while trying very hard to maintain an aloof presence - you can probably guess how well that worked.

I wasn't playing hard-to-get (I honestly don't do that), I was just hesitant to get my feels wrapped up in this tiny infant baby-child that I didn't think I was emotionally available enough for. He needed a girlfriend, someone he could devote himself to, and that just ain't me right now.

The thing is, though.

I'm also not one to ignore The Universe when it decides to send me an adorable gift wrapped up in a hoodie with the words "Good Vibes" on it.

I fell hard. He fell hard. We spent every night on the phone together for hours, sometimes talking and sometimes just hanging out - he watched me assemble a desk on video chat, and I watched him fall asleep more than once. Please, show me your chaotic theater kid energy, tell me about your favorite Disney movies, how you do Latin ballroom dancing, the multiple languages you’re fluent in, the horse you own, your Twitch stream, play piano for me, do that silly accent for me, show me your art.

We sent Snaps back and forth of us doing laundry, brushing our teeth, cooking, singing while we do chores. His vibes were so comforting, and he's a super kind and genuinely caring person.

Without getting too specific about his business, he’s got a trauma background that’s similar enough to mine that we were able to really bond over some mutual understanding of experiences and boundaries. It’s nice to have someone you can call when you’re having a panic attack; it’s incredible to have someone that will turn around and call you the next day when they’re having one. A++

The fourth thing was interesting. I was swiping through dudes, as you do, and I came across a guy that made me go "Wait, I know that face!" I recognized Item 9's adorable ski-slope nose, crooked smile, and Bill-Hader-esque good looks, but I figured it couldn't be him because last I heard he was engaged. Well, as it turns out, he's recently divorced, and has managed to have three kids since the last time we spoke. Virile, that Item 9. I matched with him, but because I go by a different name now he didn't recognize me, and I decided to go along and then break the news in person (because those are facial expressions you want a front-row seat for). What's more low-pressure than a guy I've already dated?

Believe it or not, that was my first two weeks post-breakup. It was...a lot. 

Next post we’ll do some fun stuff! I know all you non-single people want to see how much of a dumpster fire these dating websites are.

[protag-rantaro]

"Confusion and Familiarity" Prologue [PART 3]

Written by the fabulous Mod Tai!

Where should I go next? Hmmm...

He looked around and noticed a big door at the end of the hall. Of course, he immediately walked towards the big door, but the moment he reached out- something held him back.

What is this? A deja vu?

Strange, I feel like I have been here before, but that's impossible, right? 

He overcame his own thoughts and tried opening the door, but it was locked.

Seems like I was wrong after all or…? 

He closed his eyes and stopped walking.

That's really not the time now. I should just move on. Next station are the stairs leading to the basement.

Rantaro headed down the stairs with caution and in the basement he found… a game room? and a new person! 

"Sheesh, what a strange place. Didn't expected a game room when we're trapped in here- hmm, but it seems pretty cool. Compared to prison anyway..." he turned around with a sigh. 

"Hm, I'm Ryoma Hoshi, the men called the Ultimate Tennis pro… no longer exists. I'm nothing more than an empty shell" he stared Rantaro directly into the eyes and he backed up a little. 

"Hey, Ryoma? Are you alright? Is there something you want to talk about?" Rantaro asked and reached out his hand, but Ryoma turned around uninterested. 

"No, it's nothing. It's not like me to talk so much… anyway, I'm warning you, little one- it's dangerous to just walk up to a killer like me" and with that he left and Rantaro was completely confused.

I guess, I should try to find out more about him when I get the chance. He seems very interesting like most I already met.

Now, let's see if I can remember the way to the library, because earlier nobody seemed to be in there, but maybe now someone is…?

Rantaro entered the library and looked around curiously. The library was really packed up with a lot of books and that made Rantaro a little happy. 

He enjoys reading a lot and since they probably won't be able to escape that easily he will have enough time to read a few books in here. While looking around he noticed a girl with long brown hair sitting on the ground.

"Hey, are you alright?" no answer.

"I'm Rantaro Amami and you?" the girl turned around and quietly watched him, before standing up from the ground.

"Maki Harukawa, Ultimate Child Caregiver..." Rantaro waited for her to continue, but nothing came.

Huh? That's all?

Maki seemed to have waited as well since she took a long pause before continuing.

"... surprised? I don't look like someone who would like kids, right? Because I don't. They just come on their own. I'm not good at taking care of them and I'm not friendly either..." she played with her ponytail a little before looking back at Rantaro. 

"But Kids are intuitive! If they like you so much to come on their own... they can probably tell that you're actually a good person, Maki!" Rantaro encouraged her and Maki blushed lightly at that comment.

"It's just…! I grew up in an orphanage and got saddled with helping out a lot, that's all!" she tried explaining and Rantaro kept on smiling, while listening. 

"Don't worry! I'm sure we will get out of here pretty fast!" a blonde girl walked around the corner together with Shuichi, who Rantaro parted ways with earlier.

"What makes you think that a group capable of this would just simply let us walk out of here?" Maki asked, not believing any word the blonde girl said.

"If they won't end this then we will! I know we can do it if we work together!" she placed a hand on her chest and smiled brightly.

Wow, she is hella optimistic and-

His thoughts got interrupted by the brown haired child caregiver.

"You're a naive fool if you think you can end all of this so easily" Maki pointed out and Rantaro nodded silently. She was indeed right about that.

Maki turned around to get the book she had read earlier and walked to another corner of the library.

"Oh, I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Kaede Akamatsu, the Ultimate Pianist!" she smiled gently and they shook hands.

"Rantaro Amami and I know being optimistic can be really helpful, but do you really feel like this is going to end so easily? I mean, I asked the others and all of them can only remember their names and talents and I… I can only remember my name, not even my talent. It's like we all have amnesia or something like that" Rantaro explained and shared his observations with them, but Shuichi cut him off.

"... but that's not normal if everyone here has amnesia-" The detective was getting quieter and quieter by the second and Rantaro put his hands to his hips. 

"Maybe, we're all in a pretty abnormal situation then or something simple like brainwashing or group hypnosis...well, it doesn't matter now, does it?" Kaede took a step back in surprise and stared at him, waiting for him to continue talking.

"Well, I just hope we can get along since we won't go anywhere any time soon... sounds suspicious, but I promise I'm not a bad guy or anything" Rantaro ended his sentence, shrugged and left Shuichi and Kaede behind in the library. He still has to meet a lot of other people.

He stopped at a small gate and it seems like someone was already waiting there for him. They stood up from the bench they were sitting on and walked up to him.

"You wonder "who is this?" Yes, I will make that clear first. My name is Korekiyo Shinguji... I am called the Ultimate Anthropologist. However, please call me Kiyo and for anthropology, would you like a simple explanation?" Kiyo asked politely and Rantaro nodded clearly interested in what Kiyo has to share.

"Anthropology studies costumes, legends, folk tales, songs and much more. For example… certain aspects of birthdays or new year celebrations. It's a study that examines the thought behind culture, faith and costumes… and I believe that human beings are truly beautiful. Every aspect of humanity, even the ugly parts are beautiful- to me, at least" Rantaro listened carefully to Kiyo's little speech. 

He was truly interesting, maybe a little bit weird, but still interesting.

"What beauty will I be able to witness in our current situation, I wonder? Kehehee, people are wonderful!" 

"Wow, you sure are something else, Kiyo! But that's good, I'm sure it will never be boring with you- by the way my name is Rantaro Amami, nice to meet you" they both shook hands and chatted for a little bit, before Rantaro decided to finally step through the door he was curious about the whole time.

He opened it and was immediately greeted by a bright light, a gentle breeze and he slowly opened his eyes to see…

"A cage?" Rantaro said out loud. 

To be honest, not surprising.

I mean, I already knew it's not going to be easy to get out of here…, but giving up is not something I ever want to do.

Rantaro walked around and noticed two people in the back of the field. He quickly rushed over there to introduce himself.

"This cage is nothing compared to the universe!" One of them yelled and the taller one looked down in confusion. 

"Oh, ups! I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Kaito Momota, Luminary of the stars! Even crying children adore the Ultimate Astronaut! How about it? Pretty cool, right? I mean I wasn't in space yet, but I'm the first teenager to ever pass the exam!" The purple haired male posed proud and the taller one clapped.

"Wow, really? Don't you need a college degree to even take the exam?" Rantaro interrupted their conversation and Kaito jumped in front of him with a huge grin.

"Actually yes, I had a friend who got me in there, but I got caught in the end and was like in pretty deep shit, y'know? But they decided they liked me and let me in anyway! Cuz I aced the exam, too" Kaito explained and he was a little speechless by Kaito's confession.

"That was pretty damn reckless, but it's really impressive as well!" Rantaro admitted, but he was so impressed that he almost forgot how this could have ended as well.

"Well, sometimes you have to be reckless to reach your dreams and make them reality! Everyone told me it was impossible, but I never gave up and aced the exam. Limits don't exist unless you set them yourself!" Kaito seemed to be an optimistic person as well… just like Kaede earlier. 

Hmm, that can be a good thing, but it can also turn out very bad… I may have to keep an eye on them if things go the way I think they are, but they are very friendly and nice so far.

"Gonta thinks that sounded very cool!" The other one smiled and  clapped a few more times in his hands. 

Third person? Rantaro looked up confused, but simply accepted it. I'm sure there is a reason for it and I don't know about it yet.

"Hehe, Thanks dude! Now introduce yourself as well!" Kaito showed a thumbs up and 'Gonta' nodded firmly.

"Uhm, Gonta's name is Gonta Gokuhara. Gonta's talent is Ultimate Entomologist. Kid Gonta bigger than other kids. Other kids scared of Gonta...so kid Gonta play alone often. That how Gonta came to like bugs, but then Gonta really focus he end up lost in forest" he explained and both Kaito and Rantaro stared at him.

"But they found you and everything was alright, right?" Kaito asked with wide open eyes. 

"Yeah, but took 10 years though" 

"10 YEARS?" for a second Rantaro had to steady Kaito so that he wouldn't fall backwards right out of his slippers. 

Why the hell is he wearing slippers anyway?

"Don't worry! New family took care of Gonta!" Gonta continued to explain his situation and the other two sighed in relief. 

"I hope they are nice people" Rantaro smiled, but Gonta looked confused.

"Not people, wolves! Cuz of forest family Gonta learned to speak bug and animal and as thanks Gonta wanna show new family what great gentlemen Gonta is" he stated happily and smiled proud.

"W-WOLVES?" and again Rantaro had to catch Kaito so that he wouldn't fall. He sighed defeated.

"That's all you heard? Seriously?" Rantaro turned his head to look Gonta in the eyes. 

"I think your forest family would be very proud of you so just be yourself! By the way you two- I'm Rantaro Amami, nice to meet you!" he pushed Kaito back on his feet, they chatted a bit, but after some time Rantaro had to leave these two behind.

Who is still missing? We're 16 students and-

Rantaro didn't know how, but somehow he found a little waterfall and a girl was curiously watching him.

"Yaahoo!! My name is Angie Yonaga and I'm the Ultimate Artist!" She quickly introduced herself with a very positive attitude.

More optimistic people? Oh well, that's going to be hard to keep track over. At least, they are all really nice, I guess.

"I'm Rantaro Amami, you're pretty cheerful, aren't you?" he asked, not sure how to respond to her positivity.

"Nyahaha!! There's no reason to carry bad thoughts with ya! You gotta live everyday like it's big, cheery and fun… so says Atua!" 

"Wow, it's amazing how positive you are- wait… Atua?" Rantaro tilted his head in confusion and Angie laughed again.

"The god of my island, Atua, is always with me, speaking to me with his divine voice… Atua also makes the art, I only offer my body as his vessel! Do you want to offer something to Atua? Boy's blood is also an acceptable offer!" Angie spoke slowly but clearly and Rantaro laughed loudly. 

That's a nice joke-

please tell me it's a joke…

please?

And then he ran for his life.

Some time passed until Rantaro found the rooms for each person. 

Finally, I'm so exhausted, I need a break… 

The moment he wanted to open the door with his picture above it someone stopped him. 

"I'm sorry, but I haven't introduced myself yet- I'm Kirumi Tojo, the Ultimate Maid. Please let me know if you need any kind of help or service!"

"Nice to meet you, Kirumi! I'm Rantaro Amami! I hope we get along well and you don't have to talk so formal, it's not necessary!" He assured her, but Kirumi didn't seemed to care much. 

"Do you have any plan what to do from now on?" she asked and Rantaro stopped in bis tracks.

"That's a tough question… it's more like what can we do… I guess we have to wait and see what happens, do you have an idea, Kirumi?" he thought hard, but nothing came to his mind. 

"As a maid my only desire is to fulfill the desires for others so please think about what you desire for yourself. No matter tge situation, no matter what happens… I am here to serve everyone" Kirumi gently put her hands together and smiled lightly and Rantaro smiled back at her.

Okay, I get big mom vibes from her… hm, we will see how this will turn out later.

Ding Dong- Bing Bong!

[nad-zeta]

Match up 🌠

Ahhh your match ups are so thorough and well written I am in love! I'd like to get one for myself if I could bother you🌸 I also hope I'm doing this the right way otherwise I'm so sorry 😭💕

I'm 20, female, dark chestnut hair currently in a short bob/bangs, brown eyes which can sometimes look kinda brick colored, round glasses... I'm 168cm and more thin than curvy.

I'm an INFJ-T with an emphasis on the the turbulent. Kidding- but really I love alone time. I'm a very naturally nocturnal person, I love spending time with people in bursts but I usually can only handle being around calmer people for a longer time. When I'm alone I have a lot of passions I like to work on, studying Japanese, music composition, guitar, playing strategy games, drawing and writing... If I'm needing physical stuff I like to try and self teach choreography from videos when I can. Depression+anxiety have been known to get in the way of these passions for sure- but in the past years I've sought a lot of help+treatment and while I'm not a generally positive person internally- I'm alright 😌💕

When I am with people, I tend to try and be very bubbly and kind- most people know me as a very silly and caring person(but 100% scatterbrained, and a constant worrier- I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my shoulders). I have a lot of trouble accepting any of that- but I have some very supportive people in my life banging it into my head... I am very easily flustered, and usually end up at the receiving end of teasing. I do pretend to dislike this, and I'm genuinely very flustered but truth be told- it's funny for everyone involved so I'm okay with it~ I do wish I didn't turn red in the face so easily though...

Worrier coming thru here... I don't know if this is too rambly or anything, feel free to let me know- but thank you so much for having these open and doing such great work with them. 💕

Hi, there love! Awwww you make me blush thanks so much for the kind words <3<3! I Hope you are doing well! Here is your long-awaited matchup! Sorry for taking soooooooooooo long..... Hope you enjoy it and have a good day!😊 💕

So I match you with……………. Mitsuhide

The night you saved Nobunaga from the fire; you ran for your life. After meeting Nobunaga and Hideyoshi, all you wanted to do were flee, and you did. You had run away so fast that you almost flung yourself of a cliff… Thank goodness for Yukimura! You were so startled and freaked out luckily there was a friendly face among all the unknowns, and that would be Sasuke. He explained the whole concept of time travel to you and asked if you would like to stay with him. You looked at the bunch of strange men, and they all looked fall less intimidating than the few you had met from the Oda forces. You smiled at Sasuke and gave him a small nod. And so you journeyed your way back to Kasugayama castle with the strange lot.

They were an odd bunch of men, but you had come to really love them and adopt them as your new brothers. The people of Kasugayama castle love your sweet, silly caring personality. You and Kenshin had especially hit it off due to your interests in strategy games. Kenshin had taken his role of overprotective brother very seriously. He will be the one to pull you out of banquets when he sees you getting tired from all the interaction. He is always there to help you and protect you whenever you are in trouble, and he would always send his army of bunnies to comfort you whenever you are feeling sad. 

One day you were out in the market shopping for some sake and sweet buns for the banquet that night. You were having a good relaxing time window shopping when some unusual music caught your attention. You followed the music and your eyes widened in awe when you saw a troop of dancers performing. You walked closer to get a better look, and your breath caught in your throat when you saw the most beautiful man you had ever seen, perform a dance. The choreography and music were spot on and almost made you want to dance along to the music with them. You felt absolutely mesmerized watching the white-haired man dance. His eyes locked with you for a brief second and you could have sworn that he gave you the smallest of smiles before he looked away. When the show was over, you were going to congratulate the troop on a beautiful show, but there were way too many women swarming around the men, so you decided to rather make your way back home.

As you were walking back, the white-haired dancer ran up to you and grabbed your shoulder to stop you. “Little mouse it seems you have dropped your coin pouch”. Your eyes widened in horror; it must have fallen during the show, you profusely thanked the mysterious man. Mitsuhide was definitely intrigued by this little mouse he had stumbled upon. He started to tease you and was most amused by the way your face broke out into the most beautiful blush. The two of you had some tea together as a thank you for returning the coin pouch to you. Mitsuhide teased the shit out of you during the whole tea date, not that you minded you found that you really enjoyed his company. After tea, the two of you parted never to see each other again, you had to admit that thought made you feel a little sad on the inside. 

One day Yukimura and Sasuke announced that they were going to go to Azuchi to spy on the Oda forces. You low key wanted to go along for the adventure. Needless to say, it took some time to convince Kenshin to let you go, but he couldn’t say no to his dearest sister’s puppy dog eyes. You were so happy and excited that he agreed. You and Sasuke entered into Azuchi disguised as performers while Yuki went disguised as a merchant. You were super excited to be able to use your skills, bringing joy and smiles to all the people around you. You and Sasuke would put on a little performance every afternoon. You danced and played the guitar. And Sasuke performed a one-man play. 

As you were dancing during one of your performances, you saw a familiar face in the crowed smirking up at you. “My my little mouse, I never expected to stumble upon you this afternoon, much less witness your beautiful talent”. Mitsuhide invited you back to his Manor for some tea and card games. Which you really enjoyed considering you have been playing strategy and card games with Kenshin, so you definitely gave this sneki boi a run for his money. You really enjoyed the calm aura he gave off; you could talk to him for hours without feeling exhausted. You and Mitsuhide landed up staying up all night chatting and laughing, he was low key surprised when he looked out the window to see the sun almost rising. “aren’t you tired little one”. “Nope, I’m just naturally nocturnal, plus it's in the peace of the night when I get the most work done”. He simply smiled his kitsune like smile at you and offered to walk you back home. On your way home, the two of you stopped and sat down on a park bench watching the sunrise together. The two of you spent a lot of time together after that night. Both of you would always “coincidentally” run into each other all the time and land up hanging out for hours.

Mitsuhide both loved and was concerned for your scattered brain clumsiness. He would constantly worry about you when you weren’t near him. He could swear you would lose your head if it weren’t attached to your shoulders. Whenever the two of you are together, he would insist on holding your hand “can’t let my dearest mouse get lost now, can I”. TBH at this point, Mitsuhide was madly in love with you, he loved your sweet, caring nature. He loves how you could talk his ears off for hours. He also really loves the small doodles you draw on the napkins in the various teahouses the two of you have been to.

He knew you were close with the people in Kasugayama, but he couldn’t help but be attracted to you and feel the need to make you his. One day Yukimura announced that the three of you had been summoned back to Kasugayama, you were honestly so deflated. You had just fallen in love with Mitsuhide, and now you had to go back home. You sat with Mitsu in his manor the day before your departure. He could tell that something had been on your mind. You had told him EVERYTHING. Honestly, he knew of your connections to Kenshin, but he was truly shook when you mentioned that you were from the future. You had also told him that you honestly didn’t want to leave just yet. Little did you know this fox was ten steps ahead of you and had already plotted a plan.

When you said goodbye, Mitsuhide sent you off with the sweetest smile and a small kisses on the forehead, nose and finally lips and promised to see you again soon. 

You were back in Kasugayama’s garden playing with the sweet army of bunnies when a small fox appeared carrying a letter. IT WAS FROM MITSU! He had said that we would see you soon. Little did you know the sly fox was in a meeting that very moment with the god of war. They had come to an agreement that Mitsu was allowed to see you, but if he ever hurt you, or if he causes you any tears, Kenshin would hunt Mitsu down and kill him. Mitsu smiled his fox smile and agreed. You were summoned to your brother’s room and boy oh boy were you confused when you saw Mitsuhide sitting there, without Kenshin having a sword at his throat threatening him. Kenshin asked if you loved the fox and when you replied with a small nod. He smiled at you and gave you his blessing. You couldn’t help but ran up to Kenshin and gave him the biggest bear hug thanking him. The second part of the agreement was that the two of you were to attend a farewell banquet for you that night.

The next morning you were off with Mitsu to start your new life together. The Oda forces welcomed you with opened arms. Finally, someone to keep their resident kitsune in check. Mitsu loved you so much and spent every second of everyday showering you with affection. He would always be there for you, especially when you were feeling anxious or insecure. He would wrap you up in his warm arms while soothingly stroking your silky hair. He would whisper words of reassurance in your ears to help ease the anxiety. Your favourite place in the world would be in is his arms. You love how Mitsu even respects your alone time, giving you some space when he sees that you need some time to recharge on his own

The two of you can often be found spending time together, whether it is just the two silently sitting in his room, enjoying each other presence or time spent cuddled in each other’s arms. One thing is for sure, and that is you are truly happy with the sweet kitsune and that you had found your new home

Other potential matches.................... Kenshin

Hope, you enjoyed it, love!  💕@tsuki-no-usagiii

[danganronpa87]

Chapter 1: Daily Life

Another day.

Yesterday... we had learned murder was the only way to escape this place. That we were in some sort of killing game.

I'm sure we all wished it was just a nightmare. But it wasn't.

I still woke up in the same hospital bed, the same chipped red walls around me. I couldn't help but be filled with absolute fear. What if I became close friends with someone... only to discover they've died?

Shaking the negative thoughts from my head, I decided to walk over to the dining hall. Surely, breakfast would be pleasant. I hadn't eaten anything in a while, so I was starving.

I entered, sitting down on one of the many chairs scattered about the four tables in the room. Several other people were here as well. Siandi, Kune, Oakley, and some others that I didn't catch the names of.

"Ah, Sovyak-san."

I looked over, and Siandi nodded her head to me.

"Akiaro is currently making breakfast. Do you like pancakes?"

I nodded. Something sweet sounded good right about now... hopefully eating would take my mind off our current predicament.

Neru came out of the kitchen, wearing a hair net and an apron.

"Food's ready. Come grab a plate and help yourself." He smiled.

"Thank you, Neru." I returned the smile and went to enter the kitchen.

Once I went inside, I saw another boy, preparing plates. The redhead, that was with Neru the other day.

"Zekou, was it?" I smiled, taking a paper plate from the counter.

"Zekou Nakamura! The Ultimate Digital Artist." He gave a warm smile, grabbing some food for himself as he happily bounced in place. Suddenly, his face lit up.

"Chocolate chips!!"

"Huh-?" Confused, I glanced at the pancakes. They were chocolate chip, with white chocolate mixed in as well.

"I knew he'd make them!! He knows I love chocolate!" Zekou's expression was full of excitement; almost childlike.

"Oh, yeah. He loves chocolate." Neru re-entered the kitchen with a fond grin. "He's got a big sweet tooth."

"Ah... I assume you two are close."

"He's my closest friend, so yeah. Zekou's a sweetheart." Neru smiled, glancing at Zekou as he took a few pancakes.

After the two got their share of food, I scooped some pancakes onto my own plate and headed out of the kitchen.

There were several people I still didn't recognize, so I decided to talk with them. I sat down at a table with four others.

"...Sovyak, was it? A pleasure for you to join us." The doctor-looking man bowed his head. His hair was curly, and a soft lavender in colour. He wore a mask, covering the lower half of his face. Underneath a white jacket with many clasps was a green uniform. His green eyes were full of content, behind thin-framed glasses. "Kitsuya Minsaki. The Ultimate Dentist. It is very nice to meet you."

Another boy perked up, being quite a bit shorter than Kitsuya. His hair was greyish-blue, and he wore denim overalls over a black uniform. "...ah.. you. From yesterday..." His voice was quiet.

"He's a bit shy. His name is Daika Sugiyama, and he is the Ultimate Gardener." Kitsuya spoke up for him.

Daika nodded, taking a bite out of his pancake and glancing away.

"Who might you be?" I looked across the table, meeting eyes with a boy wearing a white hoodie. His slick, black hair was pulled up into a ponytail and he seemed to be rather quiet.

"Hmm...? Me..?" He blinked as I said his name.

"...Takeshi Kohima. Ultimate Obbyist."

"Ah, I'm sure you already know who I am-"

He nodded, glancing back at his plate and going quiet. Seems he didn't want to talk...

I made chitchat with a few of the students at the table, including a few I didn't quite recognize.

So many new faces at the table, but I didn't mind getting to know them in the slightest. For our first breakfast together, this was surprisingly fun.

Casia Aiko, the Ultimate Casanova. Charming right off the bat, no wonder she had the talent she did.

Chiyo Takahashi, the Ultimate Chemist. Brash, for sure... but she was serious and down to earth.

Tomiko Miyata, the Ultimate Survivalist. She also seemed shy, but was polite nonetheless.

Kichiro Yamashita, the Ultimate Skydiver. Friendly and upbeat, and made the whole conversation fun.

Sora Suzuki, the Ultimate Hairstylist. She... wasn't the most pleasant person. Vulgar and rude... but pretty witty.

Honoma Ochi, the Ultimate Literary Genius. Fun and easygoing. She also seemed like a ball of joy.

Shinto Kobayashi, the Ultimate Acting Prodigy. He seemed to keep to himself... he didn't seem the most sociable.

Akemi Saito, the Ultimate Builder. Sweet and kind, and soft spoken.

Zekou Nakamura, the Ultimate Digital Artist. Soft and shy, but nice nonetheless. Almost childlike.

Neru Akiaro, the Ultimate Whittler. Seemed to be a big sweetheart. He seemed really nice.

Shou Mouri, the Ultimate Ballroom Dancer. Elegant, yet sweet and kind as well.

Daika Sugiyama, the Ultimate Gardener. Shy, but maybe he'd warm up to us.

Kitsuya Minsaki, the Ultimate Dentist. Calm and collected, and wise.

Kune Hayashi, the Ultimate Blogger. Upbeat and optimistic, even if he was a little overbearing.

Oakley Yokota, the Ultimate Photographer. Shy, but sweet as well. He seemed pretty nice.

Siandi Fukuhara, the Ultimate Traveler. Down to earth, and one of the calmer of the group. Maybe she could guide us through this predicament...

Takeshi Kohima, the Ultimate Obbyist. Shy, but collected... I wonder what he's truly like.

These 17... would be the people I spend much of my time with. I liked them already, they were nice, and positive, despite this... killing game going on... surely, if we all became close, nobody would kill, right? I'm sure we could all grow to trust one another.

After we ate breakfast, we went to go explore the hospital, going in groups of three.

Siandi and Daika came with me.

We stepped into the day room, the same one we were called to once we learned why we were here...

Siandi flipped through various books on the shelves, while I studied the monitor mounted on the wall. Maybe... this would serve as a way to communicate with us...? It was a strange looking device, with knobs plastered onto the sides of the screen.

"Hmm...?" Came a curious hum from behind me. Turning around, I saw Daika, holding a sheet of paper.

"...looks like... student records... a ripped piece from one of the books...?" He muttered softly.

Looking at the paper slip, it seemed to show a bit of Akemi's face, along with her name, talent, and a bit of her personality.

"But which book might that have belonged to? None of these seem to be missing any part of their pages," Siandi glanced at Daika. "Interesting find, however."

"Maybe we should check back with the others." I added.

"Maybe they found something interesting..."

"That's a marvelous idea. I don't think there's anything left for us here." Siandi put down the book she was flipping through and went to lead the way out of the day room.

We headed back to the dining hall, seeing Sora's group already there.

Akemi smiled and waved to us, while Shou kept chatting with Sora.

"Have you found anything interesting? We found a slip of paper that perhaps belongs to you." Siandi sat at the table, sliding the ripped paper over to Akemi.

"Huh-? Looks like... some sort of profile on me or something. Maybe it fell out of a book?"

"We're unsure. I didn't see any books with ripped pages, so we are still looking into it."

"Well... we didn't find anything too interesting... sorry to report." Akemi frowned. "We've been mainly sitting and chatting the whole time."

"Yeah, nothing looked cool so... kinda gave up." Sora was brushing through Shou's hair, a neutral expression on her face.

"...that paper was all we found too... maybe the others... have found something." Daika spoke up.

"Hopefully..."

The six of us continued to chat, losing track of time. Before we knew it, other students had made their way back to the dining hall.

"From what we saw," Shinto started, taking a seat at a table. "We all have rooms. There's also several other places to explore. The day room, where Retku's group should've been. There is a storage room, which my group explored. It's quite spacious. Both Neru and Akemi should like it, there are a plethora of tools and wooden logs. Nothing else seemed interesting to us."

"Ooh! My group! There's a gym! It kinda looks like a place to work out. There's a lot of machines and stuff!" Honoma raised her hand excitedly.

"We also found a pharmacy. Which is expected, we are in a hospital after all..." Neru chuckled.

"There was an operation room, but it was blocked off. It looked like there was a staircase inside." Tomiko reported, looking at the ground.

Siandi shared what we had found.

"I'll keep looking. There's a chance this could be important. Daika found this wedged in between couch cushions, so I'll be sure to check there as well."

Neru smiled.

"Alright, Fukuhara-san. We'll do our best to keep a lookout as well."

We kept chatting a bit more. Seeing everyone happy and upbeat, despite the killing game announcement... it filled me with joy. We were becoming friends. If we all befriended one another, surely this killing game would have nothing on us.

Even if we had to spend the rest of our lives here... I was confident we would take down this game before it started.

There was an audible click, and we hears a familiar voice interrupt the chatter.

"It is now 10 o'clock PM. Please make your way to your rooms, and do not stay in the dining hall after-hours. Anyone who is found going against this rule will be punished."

The monitor clicked off, leaving us in apprehensive silence.

Neru spoke up. "Guess it's time for bed... Zekou, let's go."

Zekou got up and followed him out, and everyone else began to file out after them.

"See you in the morning, Retku." Siandi bowed her head and left.

I headed to my room, feeling pretty good. The day went great. These people were kind, and I'm sure we could all become friends...

I thought about the day as I kicked off my shoes and laid down on my bed.

And soon... a wave of drowsiness fell over me... and the world around me faded to black.

This wasn't so bad.