#i was watching a compilation of jon and i screamed when i heard him say that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bytheanchorarchived · 8 years ago

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headcanons compilation ↬ jace herondale

a compilation of my scattered/posted (so far) jace herondale headcanons. i will be updating this as i post more.

i feel like there was a deep piece of jace that was afraid if he confronted alec about his feelings, and alec confessed, and he had to tell alec he loved him but not in that way, alec would leave him like everybody else, and he couldn’t live with that.

i don’t think jace realizes how much of alec’s self worth was always knit so tight to him. how deep the pain of his unrequited feelings really run. how it actually feels when jace starts to reject him (from his pov).

i feel like as much as jace loves alec, izzy and the lightwoods, desperately. since valentine left him, he never actually realized he belonged anywhere, until he met clary. i think that’s what makes him so attached to her. and also the lie so easy to believe when she feels so much like home. she makes him face his feelings. it is also funny that it was a process very similar to alec, meeting and trusting immediately, and wanting to be close and attached (like when he was already wondering if alec had a parabatai in sights, 3 hours after meeting him) and yet, he still felt like the stranger in the nest, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and even alec realize he wasn’t good enough, until the return of Valentine forced things out in the open and brought them closer than ever.

vampire academy au

facts about jace, he’s so neat and tidy (soldier style), that after one single night in magnus’ loft, he’d put everything so neatly away magnus complained he couldn’t find anything anymore.

j@ce’s first kiss was with is@belle

JACE AND ABUSE EXPERIENCE/REPRESENTATION

jace and his feelings towards climon

things jace does have time for:

- petting cats, like church - reading and quoting poetry and many other works - playing the piano - making his girl cheese sandwiches - sleeping in his jammies - thinking girls are badasses

things jace wayland does not have time for: - boxed labels

do you ever cry about the fact that most probably almost all the runes on jace’s left side were put there by alec?

jace is left-handed

jace didn’t always have perfect control over his extra strength, specially since he was used to training only with valentine, who was an adult at the time, which evened the field. when he first started training with alec and izzy he sometimes went too hard on them. izzy, at first, complained but alec never did, and would if needed hide any markings left, because he didn’t want jace to feel bad about it, and because he wasn’t about to admit he couldn’t take it from a kid almost two years younger than himself.

when i see people talking about jace being a puppy, i agree and for more than the standard reasons. yes, he is a stray, abandoned, and has the puppy pout and that golden hair everyone wants to get their hands in. but book!jace is also a puppy. he’s a puppy person because no matter how many times he’s kicked, he continues to love unconditionally and to be fiercely loyal, until that person (i.e. valentine) attacks someone ELSE he loves and is loyal to. he struggles so badly, because no matter what the person he loves does, he’s still gonna love them somewhere in his heart, and betraying people is the hardest thing for him to do, it takes all of his moral to stand up against someone he used to love, which is something i think wasn’t so well explored on the show, but it’s something i hold very close to my heart to my interpretation of jace. so yes, jace is a puppy. with happy smiles, affection starved, brave, loyal till the end of the world, ready to give his life for someone he loves without a second thought, and who loves unconditionally, no matter what the person he loves may do to HIM, as long as they don’t hurt or threaten the rest of his pack family.

not feeling like a good person is something that both alec and jace carry for very different reasons, and in two people that are so moral and were raised in such a lawful and righteous environment, that is an awfully dark weight to carry.

people say jace is a bad boy and das fine, but then jace was so kind, and loving, and pure, that even valentine loved him and gave him to the lightw00ds because he wanted him to be with a family who would love him and take care of him and give him another life, of peace.

when valentine compliments jace on something, he feels dirty. it’s like every time valentine does that, jace feels ashamed of himself, and of that ability, and kinda wants to take a shower. before he found out the truth, a compliment, or “good job” from his father was all he’d ever wanted, and whenever valentine approved of him (as michael wayland) it was the happiest he ever felt as a kid, it was so much better than any gift, and better than spaghetti. now he just feels embarrassed and used when valentine expresses love/approval of him, it makes him recoil and feel disgusted, but more at himself, than even the disgust he feels for valentine.

things jace has likely had nightmares about, or fragments at some point:

watching his father die in front of him. valentine’s old punishment sessions. clary and the scene from the fear demon. valentine snapping the necks of people he loves like he did his falcon. the people he loves and world around him starting to fall to pieces every time he touches it. the ship. the scenes valentine put in his head of the demon blood. the silent brothers and their silent mutilated screams as they run around him,dying.

ok, listen. alec learned how to treat, talk, and deal with, help, someone after strong trauma, growing up with jace. growing up with jace, he learned that you don’t just touch someone that is going through an episode because of abuse/trauma or other strong case of overwhelming emotion. he learned that unwanted affection can be just as bad as violence, or indifference, and that the BEST thing he can possibly do is let the other person know he’s there, and let them tell him what they need. alec never goes straight to jace physically, when he’s upset, unless he initiates it, or jace gives him a clear indication of what he needs (indication that to parabatai that grew up together can be just a look of permission). he RESPECTS the fact that his need to help the people he loves, should not, is not, and will never be more important than what that person needs or wants. he respects the fact that he DOESN’T know what a person with trauma needs better than themselves, and he knows that even silent support, or just making sure the person is safe, can make a huge difference. he accepts and understands the fact that someone during or after a traumatic event, or traumatic memories of that event, might not WANT or be able to HANDLE affection at all, and he’s ready to give it only, and only if, the person indicates that’s what they need. jace TRUSTS alec to be there for him, because he KNOWS alec won’t push him, or overwhelm him, or even so much as touch him without permission. and sometimes, though not always, just to know that he can have this small power and agency over his own body and what happens to it, and who touches it, and how, can be enough to wind him down a notch.

forget the idea that jace is anything but endlessly respectful and admiring of women 2k17.

there are several reasons why valentine did what he did to both his sons (specially jon), it wasn’t gratuitous, or because he “has no humanity” (because the terrifying part is he does, and LOVED them). one of the reasons why he did what he did, was because he knew he had two boys in his hands that were going to grow in power as much as elephants to a ant, compared to him, and if he DIDN’T make sure he twisted them, and controlled every single aspect of their lives, and was there for every single thought of them, and convinced them that the little piece of rope could hold them back the rest of their lives, one day they were going to wake up and at the smallest disagreement with his plans, trample all over him and leave everything he had in ruins, and burn the world down in their wake. he had to make sure they were both convinced they were broken and he was the only one that could ever cure them, or hold their pieces together, or withstand their curses, and no one else would ever be able to love them, or withstand being loved by them, so they’d never even try to tug at their chains, or even knew they were chained at all.

if you want any more evidence of how completely he isolated and controlled jace, think about the fact that not only he was the only person jace ever knew or talked with, lived with, and heard truths from. jace wasn’t even allowed to read ANY books that weren’t specifically assigned to him. and taking books from someone, taking knowledge and the ability to freely dive into other worlds and know other thought processes than those YOU believe in, is the most basic way to control anyone in the world.

lowkey both alec and jace are oddly attracted to magnus’ lack of belly button.

jace learned how to dress sharply with valentine

cc once said that it was entirely possible valentine would have resorted to more violent methods with jace as he grew up (i.e. whipping like he did sebastian), should jace not obey like he wanted him to. and that there’s a good chance he just never did before because he gave jace away when he was ten, and therefore still too young to need something like that.

i feel like jace passes by the bane-lightwood residence once in a while just to clean, because if he didn’t, between alec and magnus they’d drown in the mess.

i wrote this before, but, still p sure that whenever jace babysits, or stays over at the loft, he cleans and organizes it completely, and when malec comes back from their date, he’s sitting on the couch reading a book like, nope, don’t know what you’re talking about, but also like, DID YOU KNOW I FOUND A PACIFIER UNDER YOUR PILLOW, how do you two even live in this place.

sometimes jace thinks if his mom hadn’t killed herself would things had turned out any differently, or would valentine had just done it himself and took him regardless, or would she had gone with him willingly and lied to her own son?

reminder that jace has no idea she was in fact killed, and still thinks she took her own life.

also, they forgot to say valentine beat the crap out of jace for trying to read that journal.

to my jace, valentine never iratzed him, because not only was he a little young for runes, an iratze was a sign of weakness, because you are supposed to withstand and control pain, not let it control you, and you’re not supposed to get injured in the first place. so every time valentine beat him he healed as a mundane, which is why he has every mark, scar, and bruises valentine left him with when he goes to the lightwoods, and gets sad when the latter ones fade.

when in the books sometimes jace has such bad days of hating himself he can’t even allow clary to keep kissing him because he can’t allow himself to deserve what he wants the most.

things jace likes: belly kisses - hair petting, tugging, playing - being marked by his partners with hickeys and fingerprints - sharing control.

when valentine died, jace still wished him farewell.

no one has ever wanted to be good as desperately as jace herondale does.

i wrote this before but i think i never tagged it and i just saw it’s not on my compilation. i have this headcanon that maryse loves jace’s golden hair and that since he was a kid, whenever she was able to, she’d bring him special shampoo from idris trips, something that was handmade (nephilim ingredients), and she’d put it in jace’s bathroom for him to use.

if you ever doubt how cute jace herondale is, just remember his fondest memory of valentine is jace running towards him and being picked up and held.

jace still loves valentine, still remembers parts of his childhood with love, and wonders often if it makes him a horrible or twisted person.

what valentine says: to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed.

what jace hears: my love is destructive for others, and people that love me will be destroyed too.

AKA JACE DOESN'T BELIEVE ALL LOVE IS DESTRUCTIVE JUST HIS OWN BUT ALSO BC VaLENTINE TOLD HIM HE'S A CURSE TO PEOPLE SO THERE'S THAT BUT HE THINKS IT WAS HIS LOVE FOR THE FALCON THAT BROKE IT AS IN HIS ALONE BC HE'S BROKEN

another thing jace and i share, which is not a big deal but, is that i have always fidgeted with stuff, or my own fingers, my hands, always taking off and putting on rings, and playing with them, or just touching stuff in general, which gives me a sense of contact and knowledge when i can not only see something but touch it, i also touch people like on the arm or the shoulder when talking at times, for reassurance.

i have been sitting emotionally on this for a while, and just… this makes so much sense of so many things. why valentine chose céline, for stephen. it had nothing to do with luke or amatis, but with the girl he was already picking out to produce the type of shadowhunter warriors he wanted. it makes so much more sense of how he treated jace, how he expected jace to be tempered by his kind of upbringing, the same one he was subjected to, and céline was apparently subjected to and that he thought had made her stronger, and he thought would made jace stronger too. he probably felt that stephen, though had the herondale blood, didn’t have much of personal strength, and he thought céline would give that to the next warriors in the herondale line. it also makes sense of why he picked céline and stephen, instead of robert and maryse, because he saw something of himself in céline, and probably thought the herondale blood would be the best to mix angel blood to. at least in my head. it makes sense of why he was so “frustrated” that his treatment of jace didn’t seem to harden him, or at least not in the way he wanted it. i wonder what part that played in him having hodge kill céline. if he thought of it as a waste, as he’s said of other shadowhunters, or if hodge got out of hand in trying to overpower her, and valentine was angry. or not. idk this just gave me a lot of feelings and a lot things to think about. it also seems to open a window into where a lot of jace’s pre-disposition to things comes from. like being in awe of the person who said he was special, and being so easy to believe that he had no true worth, and that self destructiveness that is so distinct in him.

i have no idea how people think jace is a tough bad boy, or blasé, or unloving, or super sexual, wth are you thinking honestly? clary tells him she recognizes he loves the lightwoods like family, and jace gets so emotional over his family, over his girlfriend recognizing his love for his family, he has to pull her away to tell her he loves her. twice. and then says “i don’t say it often enough but i love you” seriously people. he pulls her into an alley, not to make out, but because he loves her so much, he can’t stand waiting to say it until they’re in private. because she makes him remember what’s important in life, because she recognizes his family. and then they kiss ONLY because both of them were trying to brush lips at the same time and things get out of hand, and before that as it always happens when he’s with her, his heart is beating wild. this boy. this soft soft boy. has his heart stammering any time he’s close and alone with his girlfriend, no matter how much time has passed, and just as he tells her he loves her.

character development questions

i know people say this all the time, and see the validity of going that way, and i can see it being something on the back of his head, but, honestly, jace is not really scared of having children? he loves them as much as alec does, really. when he got to the lightwoods, before he even said hi to them, a toddler max was attaching himself to his legs and jace never once winced, made a face, or pulled away. he later gave max his very last and only childhood toy, one he probably carved himself. max loved him because jace was “far more tolerant of him than his big siblings,” and jace felt warm and happy when max looked at him like he was a hero. losing him nearly killed jace. and then when alec adopts max ii, jace keeps looking at them longingly, and after his very natural first apprehensions on holding him go away, he never wants to let him go, and is completely enamored of him. and when clary asks if he could even imagine having a kid at their age, jace is like……….. yeah, i can. i wouldn’t mind having them, and blushes. jace all he’s ever wanted is to have a family, to be a part of a family, and earning the lightwoods for good was a huge step in that direction, but so are kids. he’s all for commitment, and he’s all for settling down, and he’s all for having a family, and he’s a 18 yo boy who longs for, imagines, daydreams about, getting married and having babies, adopted or otherwise, bc he loves having kids around.

friendly reminder that jace canonically: - likes holding hands - nearly blushes when clary looks at him too long - calls himself (and jacket) snugly - wears matching pjs and calls them jammies - uses his dangerous dagger to cut up apples - loves horses - loves birds - asked for an spaghetti bath as birthday gift - always wanted to know what having a mom is like - imagines himself having babies with clary, and their future, at 17 - can’t find his way out of a paper bag fallen sofa - thinks one of the worst things that ever happened to him was knowing why magnus was baned from peru. - thought sebastian was valentine’s boyfriend

jace is the kind of boy that always goes for the hand, knuckles, wrist, shoulder, forehead, cheek, kiss first. if you notice he never goes right to the mouth. there’s always a little touch, a brush of the hair, a kiss somewhere that’s not sexual, before the french kiss or anything else.

i’ve said this before but my headcanon is that valentine started jace’s training lightly at age 5 and then hard training at age 6, which was also when he stopped picking him up, and stopped touching him, or letting jace touch him, or giving him any affection (he was indignant that valentine would let jon touch his shoulder, but remembered when he was younger and valentine would pick him up and hold him), because he thought it’d make him tougher (since he showed no problems with touching jonathan or jonathan touching him). so from age 6, to age 10, when max hugs his legs, he was legit the first person that had hugged him in 4 years, which was probably why jace was so stunted. not to say right after that maryse touches his hair, so he was just frozen there like, thinking if he moved they’d pull away (which is shown by the fact he does not pull away from max, or makes a face, or gives any indication that he dislikes the hug, he’s just baffled).

also son of th.e da.wn confirmed to me what i already knew, valentine probably rarely (if ever) iratzed jace, bc 1. he probably wanted jace to just deal with it and learn to withstand injuries without complaint or succumbing to pain (pain is what you make of it). 2. he taught jace that getting hurt was weakness, so i doubt jace would ever ever ask for one, no matter how badly he needed it, as his first reaction to alec saying maybe maryse could do that was NO, because he didn’t want her to know he’d got injured (failed) at all.

ok but, clary and jace definitely have a rule where jace is not allowed into her studio without supervision. it was set after clary got home one day and he’d cleaned it.

you know, y’all always be talking aobut how izzy defends alec and was there for him during the break up and threatened magnus etc and that’s great but what about all the times she was there for jace?? she gave clary the “i like you but i hate that you hurt my brother and hope we never see your face again, and if you hurt him more i will hurt you” speech. when giving said speech she tells clary how she’d always been worried about jace that the abuse he suffered from valentine / michael had damaged his ability to really connect to anyone else aside from their family, and clary had changed that. when jace went on his suicide mission to kill valentine, izzy tracked him downbecause she couldn’t let him die thinking he was valentine’s son, aka, she couldn’t let him die at all thinking he was a monster’s son and thinking he had no hope with clary. she cut off sebastian’s hand to save him and risked her life for him. she defend him from imogen when imogen came to arrest him for going to see valentine on his ship and lied to her (the clave’s inquisitor) risking herself, and her own deruning, to protect him. when he disappeared after lilith she was so worried she was a mess, and for the first time in her life asked for someone to comfort her because she couldn’t handle the thought of losing another one of her brothers for good. when the iron sisters said they couldn’t help jace and they should accept his fate, she told them to shut up, that they were being useless twats, that they were heartless cold ass non human beings and stormed off on them like a boss queen, when jocelyn was being heartless as hell and talking about jace and everyone else like the enemy yet again, she told her to stop goddamn whining and that if she were a better mother maybe her daughter would trust her at all and be a better soldier for it, and not be in peril, and that not jace nor anyone else was to blame for it but herself. jace taught her the difference between pity and compassion, and wanting to help others for your own ego and because you love them. he also gave her respect, love and admiration in return and she loved him immensely for it. he saw her as a soldier before anyone else did and she never forgot. so yes, alec is her brother and she loves him dearly and they have a wonderful bond. but izzy and jace’s relationship is also beautiful as all fuck. they’re two children whose fathers broke their hearts, and built walls so high all around them they didn’t know how to trust anyone else but each other and alec and max. jace dragged himself through the doors of death, bleeding into his goddamn lungs to kill sebastian, because he could hear izzy’s screams. isabelle charged at sebastian knowing she could not win, knowing he’d likely kill her, because she couldn’t let him kill jace and cut his goddamn hand off. these two love each other so goddamn fucking much. jace tells clary how isabelle doesn’t think herself beautiful because she’s not petite or delicate, which is clearly implied as absurd, since he tells clary, you’re just as beautiful as isabelle, and he also sees them both as just as strong and heroes. jace thinks of her as brave, wonderful, wonderful, izzy, the only one that could keep up with him on the training mat. they admire the fuck out of each other. they defend the fuck out of each other. they literally almost died for each other countless times before. so stop dismissing them. they have their own, separate, unique, beautiful, amazing, wonderful, bond. they understand each other in their own beautiful, unique, way. and nothing can replace that.

headcanon that jace buys clary those “paint” and “coffee” labelled mugs, but also puts stick notes on things like “shampoo” “paint” and “edible paste” and “for canvas only”.

how many hours do you think jace spent, alone with his father’s “body” waiting for the clave to show up? not even knowing they would, just standing there. did he know to ask for help? did he start walking lost and bloody into the forest, trying to get to alicante? did valentine set up that the clave be alarmed? how much time it took for them to get jace?

in addendum, i will ALWAYS follow book plot for my jace and alec. so NO jace did not consider maryse a mother until the events of valentine happened, he loved her like one but he had not the faintest idea that she might love him back. he was not called brother or son, he was not called a lightwood, not until the arch with maryse happened, and she confessed she loved him, and had been afraid to admit it, and he started calling her mom, and himself a lightwood. he was NOT a part of the family for the first few years, and that INFLUENCES his self love, his reaction to family, and how slow he was to open up to them. he felt like he belonged with alec FIRST, then he felt a part of the family after maryse said he was and claimed him as her son and BECAME his foster parent. so regardless of verse, this is how things are gonna go down.

reminder that (mine at least) jace has burn scars all around both his wrists from the time he almost lost both hands when imogen cuffed him with special cuffs that burned off the skin, tightening more every second and that made injuries the iratze can’t heal. reminder izzy bandaged him.

friendly reminder that the only sparring partner that can keep up with jace is isabelle. she is also the only one that can hold her own against jonathan for even a minute, before he gets the upper hand, besides jace. she was his favorite spar partner because she could keep up with him, not exactly on the same level, but very close. they are both spar experts, and that is their field of excellence, among others. it’s their thing. also there is a reason why jace is considered the fastest, strongest, fiercest, his angel blood isn’t just on name, or just when fighting enemies, he IS, stronger, faster, and a better fighter than anyone else but jonathan, that’s just how it is. just like alec is the best archer among them and jace isn’t because it isn’t what he trained to become an expert at. not being an equal to jace is not a shame or a demeanor, it’s just reality, you can be a kickass shadowhunter, but not having angel blood is not having angel blood, there’s no workaround it. izzy trained several years and worked her ass onto becoming a spar specialist that could start keeping up with jace. she did that because jace kicked her ass in their first sessions, and then she stopped being sorry for him, and grew respect for him and decided she wanted to try and be just as good. not everyone went down the same path, and not everyone has to. just like she knew only a couple languages, while jace knew several. characters are different and specialties are different.

if you had doubts jac.e doesn’t really know bisexuality is a real thing, and isn’t aware that it’s an actual valid option, he tells al.ec in cob that if the down.worlders is interested in his “highly private areas” he won’t be interested in is.abelle’s. he also tells cl.ary the instructor can’t possibly be a hotter male than he is, and she’s like, well, don’t be narrow-minded, it could be a hot female too.

look at how uncomfortable and frustrated he looks. look at the tension on his jaw, and the veins popping on his throat. look at the way he grinds his teeth and tries to breathe when he realizes there’s nothing he can do. look at the way when he closes his eyes his throat looks tight like he can’t breathe right, and his eyebrows draw together. we can even see his shoulders bunching up and his chest expanding when he tries to break out by force. jace hates being bound. jace specially hates having his wrists bound. jace hates being helpless that way. (don’t forget his book self almost had both his hands cut off by being forcefully bound by fire cuffs) if he loves you and you want his obedience he will GIVE it you, FREELY. do not tie jace up. do not tie his WRISTS up. he will let you. but that right there. the beginnings of a panic attack he’s stepping down onto for clary’s and his dignity’s sake, that’s how he’ll feel. he manages to focus on his anger later, but he’s literally so frozen he doesn’t even remember to try and channel his energy and use his powers before he sees her about to die. he just tries to yank his hands free as if he doesn’t know any better.

jace and how his bedroom changes with his identity

ok but, in whichever verse i always think jac.e and clar.y would have a joint room where they live, with both a corner for cl.ary to paint with wide windows for her to see the scenery and another where jac.e’s piano is. j.ace plays and cla.ry instead of having her earphones on, listens to him while she paints / draws.

trivia: jace doesn’t have tanning lines, jace has lower back dimples.

jac.e would also be proud to be told he is the hot girl.

do you ever think about maryse cutting jace’s hair, giving him good clothes, keeping him comfortable, petting him, telling him how handsome he is, and cry.

do you ever wonder if val.entine went from picking jac.e up and hugging him from not allowing jac.e to as much as touch his shoulder because after he started physical punishment with jac.e he couldn’t be that close to him and still stand to do it? also do you ever think about the fact that for what i estimate as four/three years (from 6 to 10 or 7 to 10) jac.e wasn’t touched or couldn’t touch anyone unless it was training or punishment?

just to explain where this comes from. jac.e sees sebas.tian (jonathan) putting a hand on valentin.e’s shoulder, like normal family touch and he’s not even surprised, he’s outraged, he thinks about how his father would had never allowed him to touch him like that, and keep his hand there for as long as jonath.an did. like it really bothers him, you can tell this wasn’t some light rule. however, when grieving vale.ntine, he remembers being picked up and hugged when he was little, so there obviously was a transition there. at some point val.entine decided he could no longer give jac.e affection like that or allow jac.e to do the same. and since he obviously doesn’t show the same concern with jonath.an i don’t think it has to do with training. i think it has to do with why he gave up on twisting jac.e and realized he just couldn’t do it and sent him to the lightwo.ods. was it in part because jac.e was “too soft hearted and loving”? yes, but i think it also was because even without it he couldn’t do it, he’d have certainly quit sooner if they kept their relationship that close and intimate (in the father-son, familiar sense) while he was trying to see jac.e as a killer on formation, as a weapon to his plans, double to his son and nothing else.

do you ever think j.ace keeps everything so clean because he always feels his hands are constantly covered in blood.

jace and valentine and the abusive relationship + overcoming it, song drabble of sorts

jace and archetypes

ok but j.ace going from you love me like a son? “you never sung for me when i was little, like you did for a.lec or izz.y, i used to listen to you sing for them, mary.se” on cog to “yeah my mom is an important member on the concl.ave and relies on that guy a lot.” on cofa. do you ever cry?

also do you ever think about the fact m.aryse was the only parent that thought to give jac.e a name that was all his and an identity to go with it.

listen those blue jammies were alec’s once, bc maryse bought them to match his eyes, only alec didn’t like them so much because they were too bright, and so she gave them to jace, which is why neat-freak jace sleeps in clothes that have a hole in it. bc alec made it and they were alec’s jammies.

the proudest moment of isabelle’s childhood happened after jace arrived and she won a sparring session with him for the first time. she used to win over alec all the time, but she always suspected he let her, that he didn’t go as hard on her as he could because he was afraid to hurt her, or because he just knew how much she liked to win. it wasn’t that it was easy, no, but 1zzy knew it also wasn’t as difficult as it could be. her first sessions with jace, isabelle tried to be gentle on him. jace was skinny as though he’d never been fed properly and covered in bruises and she knew his past from her mom, and felt sorry for him. when jace first landed her on her ass, 1zzy stopped feeling sorry for him, and started to love him. jace never seemed to think she was delicate or special, or that he had to let her win, jace liked to win as much she did and he made her such a better shadowhunter for it. sometimes they’d practice for hours, but jace he sparred like an adult, not like a child, and he gave isabelle a run for her money most days. it was also when 1zzy realized if she was gonna win this it’d be by betting on their differences and on her best features. when she caught the surprised look on jace’s face just before he went down, she had never felt more warm or proud of herself, happy. jace didn’t moan, complain, or accused her of being unfair. instead, he stared at her wide eyed, and then he started smiling, and then he laughed, and isabelle laughed with him. their training sessions were a lot more balanced since, and neither of them backed down, or was ever afraid of hurting the other, winning at alternate times and having fun regardless, because isabelle found a form of high and pleasurable respect in jace’s refusal to let her take advantage, or give it to her, and she found she loved it. and she found she loved him. and she knew the moment she landed him on his ass, jace loved her too.

do you ever think about the fact ja.ce hadn’t co-lived with v.alentine since he was 10 but he still knew va.lentine wouldn’t let him touch him that way, aka, put a hand on his shoulder? i wonder at what point his memories of val.entine picking him up and holding him and ja.ce feeling the safest he’d ever been, changed to him knowing father didn’t like to be touched, or u know give or receive affection, which to an affectionate person like jac.e must have been hard to say the least.

do you ever think about isabelle and jace pranking alec and giggling in the corner?

also please consider i don’t take the quote from show “best shadowhunter of his generation” for my jace, i take “best of his time” from the books, which means, best of any and all shadowhunters of all ages, everywhere, as long as he’s alive.

also i may point out i take “skinny” as starved, because as observing as alec always is, for a child to find another “skinny” - specially considering alec himself was probably always on the slimmer side - it very probably doesn’t really mean “they were thin”. i take it for my jace that his feeding habits weren’t regular in the least (specially when valentine left to take care of jon) and probably punishments involved food in some way too (or tests of resilience, since jace probably had to be trained to think and still fight in his prime when tired or hungry). also adult jace doesn’t care much about food, even if he has his preferences, he never seems bothered by not eating, or terribly minding eating or not eating either way. so probably since he was a kid some days there was food and some days there wasn’t and he just grew up used to it.on normal days he eats as regularly as he remembers, but when under stress it’s the last thing on his mind. (he probably barely got fed at all in the ship)

jace herondale is not the best shadowhunter of his “generation”, he’s the best shadowhunter of his TIME, i.e. of ANY shadowhunters of ANY age, while he’s alive.

you know what i just realized? remember when clary first goes with them to taki’s and alec is talking to jace (chattering) and jace seems to be elsewhere, and clary is like, damn jace (as were we reading). now i’m just thinking, that that makes so much sense. since i started therapy and stuff, i’ve learned that my dissociation is connected to the emotional abuse i’ve suffered, and i do that same thing a LOT sometimes, because a lot of chatter at the same time sometimes is hard to handle, and a lot of times i just can’t pay attention, and my head just drifts and i do not hear a word people say to me, and it’s always made people around me get angry at me (my mom specially called me thoughtless and selfish, saying i was doing it on purpose) so yeah. in the middle of everything that’s going on, jace not being able to listen to alec’s story? makes complete sense.

show (till 2A)

drabbe: shower panic attacks post valentine’s ship experience (show)

drabble: jace and almost losing alec, parabatai lost (show)

drabble: jace and realizing magnus loves alec, parabatai lost (show)

drabble: jace and if clary ever actually asked him to kiss her again

drabble: jace after inadvertently activating the soul sword (show)

drabble: jace and those of demon blood ending (show)

drabble: jace and the aftermath of demon blood ep (show)

drabbled: jace and not feeling real after day of atonement (show)

alec did feel it when jace tried to kill himself during the trial. in fact, he felt jace’s anguish and despair, and he got hit by it hard, which is what ultimately made him vulnerable for the demon possession and attracted it to him, in the first place. jace’s anguish through the bond knocked alec’s guard down and got him possessed.

alec was serene and happy earlier when he talked to magnus. he was worried about jace, but he was so certain jace would be back in an instant that he wasn’t tortured by it. sure the demon possessions were scary and all, but alec isn’t a scared little child, and he knows better than to let his guard down. he wasn’t vulnerable, he was feeling grateful to be alive, to have jace back, to have magnus.

so why and how would the demon get in him? the most logic explanation is that jace was in such terror and pain and anguish that it seeped through the bond, and hit alec. which then, for my alec, drove his possessed self to clary’s room looking for her, where he found jocelyn instead.

there is a reason for why alec never sensed jace’s hook ups before, but 🇯🇦🇨🇪 felt it when alec and magnus first had something intimate with each other. the reason being that what jace felt and called happiness was actually a mix of intimacy, safety, yes, pleasure, but above all, love. since jace has never been in love before clary, and never had the chance to have something more with her, alec never felt the same from him. which is why it was a big surprise when he found out jace felt it, and it’s something he’s definitely to this day not entirely comfortable with. when clary and jace finally have their moment, alec will probably feel it too. it is certainly one of the reasons for his jealousy and pain in the first season, as he’s felt many things from jace towards girls before, but had never sensed him actually falling in love with someone else, until her.

do you ever cry about the fact that, from what we know from jace, and from inverted!jace, that THIS is how jace would have been like - absolutely - had valentine not tried so hard to twist him? he did try, so hard, with abuse, mental games, beatings, telling jace again and again that everything that made him special, also made him a force of destruction, a killer, and a curse to all he loved and that loved him. and jace still was a golden boy. but all those layers of irony, sarcasm, hurt, nonchalance, and walls for miles, they wouldn’t be there if jace had been raised by his parents. and jace would be this talented, big hearted, big ball of sunshine, full of smiles, full of love (so much love that valentine tried to beat it out of him for ten years and at the end left him, because he found out he couldn’t accomplish it, jace still loved more fiercely than he could ever make him stop) and kindness, but still spirited and fun and outspoken, and BRAVE. and this hurt me so fucking bad when i read this the first time

ok but, one of jace’s most humiliating moments post ship/torture/trial mess, was having valentine tell him off, as michael, about clary making him weak (making him stay behind to heal). jace has mourned this father his entire life, based his moral, self worth, and life mission on this man. and almost the first thing he says when he gets him back, is being disappointed on him, for letting himself be taken care of by a girl.

that’s the thing that started to eat away on him. the first little seed he planted, when valentine realized jace was just starting to heal from the things he was taught, because of clary. and then it extended to alec and izzy and needing to be the leader, and call the shots, and make the hard choices, and prove himself no matter what. that was the humiliating little start of that whole mess.

things jace has likely had nightmares about, or fragments at some point:

the ship. the scenes valentine put in his head of the demon blood. drowning in the buckets of cold water, drowning in the hudson. discovering alec actually died because of the adamas and reality is a dream. j0celyn shooting arrows at him / trying to kill him, hunting him. being trapped in the city of b0nes and the cursed cells. being surrounded / trapped / covered in piles and piles of dead downworlders.

so…. here is the thing. i feel like i need to do a psa as a jace writer. i don’t know how to write jace completely canon at this point. i don’t know how to be in his head, i don’t know how to deal with his feelings moving forward, and justify future interactions and relationship build ups from how it is now, unless it’s for an specific au.so here’s the thing,unless you specifically tell me differently / ask me / plot with me, jace’s default canon verse from this point forward assumes that at some point in history, after the inverted!world episode, he had some / any / a smidge at least of indication from clary that her feelings were true. if you’d like that not to be assumed, please talk to me and we can plot how that would go down, specifically. that indication can be a conversation, can be a redo of the last two episodes, can be even her being sheepish or anything like that. a look, a smile, a word, a future interaction post this episode, you can specify to me privately if you’d want to.

jace was in white last episode because he was in mourning of his parents. he wanted to pay his respects. (the fairy folk)

for weeks after alec dies for a second, jace has repeated nightmares of re-living that scene, only alec never comes back and jace in the dream thinks reality is the illusion. it messes him up for a while, where he needs to touch alec to know he’s real and there and alive, and jace wakes up gasping and while he’s dreaming he at times chants the ‘please don’t leave me, alec’ hoping this time he will get to live. some times in those dreams alec is killed by wolves, or by valentine’s hand because jace refuses to obey. some times he wakes up with his parabatai rune burning.

also portrayal wise i’m chalking up jace’s behavior to re-reading those journals and going through all of that again and it making him emotionally stunted for a lil while, specially the very next day.

okay but, on that topic, do you really think jace’s “i know you don’t consider me family” came out of nowhere? jace just found out the real jonathan is out there, and clary’s sudden despair to meet him, when jace thought that was maybe the lasting connection they had, is not striking him wrong for just one reason. he specifically said “i know you don’t consider me family” probably because he’s been feeling like he lost all of his, but for this new grandmother he isn’t even sure he can trust, or that loves him at all, other than to have someone to carry on the family name and be a new family trinket. he JUST read those journals that brought everything back from valentine, not only things he went through, but lessons, things valentine taught him and that he took years to disassociate from. none of the lightwoods seem to need him at all anymore, that wasn’t just for clary, that was from everything he’s been feeling lately. he doesn’t even know if he’s a person at this point, at times, and having his grandmother treat him like a prize she needn’t get to know and the lightwoods close off on him, clary making him believe she doesn’t love him anymore, and now the real jonathan is alive? OF COURSE jace feels replaced, and that is not clary’s fault nor would he ever blame it on her, but seriously, how could he feel anything else? who does he feel like even needs him anymore? how can he know he’s not just failed experiment n.o2 and that’s all he’’ll ever be? a novelty, a freak, and valentine’s double for his real son? he wasn’t areal son to valentine as he feels it rn, and he isn’t clary’s real love, or real family, and apparently he might never have been a real part of the lightwoods family, so what is he?

jace still thinks of all the faces of the people he killed in the ship while he thought they were valentine. he wonders how they got there. if they were really evil or just following orders they didn’t understand and his father’s compelling, tortuous, arguments. did they know he was gonna kill them when valentine runed them every new day? or did they think they could be the ones to win over this time? did valentine order them not to fight him back as well as they could? did that keep them from fighting their best and made it easier for jace to take their lives? did they have families waiting for them? or no one at all? could they had been saved if taken to the clave and to live surrounded by actual shadowhunter culture and values? and most of all. will jace ever stop building a pile of corpses around him?

the only way i accept ja.ce being the one to ask to keep his death a secret from everyone it’s because he’s afraid clar.y will be prosecuted for raising the dead, like she almost was in the books (and also that it was hard for him to accept and spread around that his father had killed him).

btw, i know the show put val.entine writing jac.e on the journal, but i will never accept that for my jac.e. val.entine calls him jonathan and only jonathan. mar.yse gave him the nickname jac.e as she gave alexand.er ale.c, and isabell.e izz.y, maxwe.ll max, etc. it was her way of claiming him as her son, and she was the only parent that ever bothered to really name him, so no. val.entine just called him by the name of michae.l’s son he murdered. j.ace was given to him out of love by mar.yse.

do you know how much it takes to knock j.ace out like valenti.ne’s men did? 1. jac.e is used to it, to getting punched, hit, etc, as a normal person he’d already be harder to knock out, he’s like any boxer, he’s not gonna fall because of a little punch. he was raised by val.entine he’s more than used to it. and then you add on his angel blood? and the fact those were mostly inexperienced untrained fighters, who aren’t necessarily the best at hitting someone with efficiency? now try to imagine how long they stayed at it for ja.ce to actually lose consciousness. afterwards at the bar, he is mangled by the were.wolves and he still manages to stumble out. so imagine what it takes to actually knock him out and make them douse him in cold water to wake him up again.

i feel like i stated this before but? i don’t follow show ages (if they have them?????) i follow book canon. so since the one clear age we have is clary at 18, that makes my jace and izzy half an year older at 19 and alec between 20 and 21.

also reminder that my jace died like in the books, standing up to valentine confronting him about everything valentine had taught him, holding a sword to his throat and offering him his last words as an honorable kill. he was struck by a sword, not a pocket knife, and valentine begged him not to make him hurt him, didn’t just come at him from the back like a coward.

i know they put a lot of runes on his left arm bc they probably think it’d be his most convenient place to draw, but since jace is actually left handed i now just stare at how many runes alec drew on him, more than jace drew on himself, and cry.

my jace wasn’t killed from behind. my jace wasn’t killed with a pocket knife. my jace wasn’t taken by surprise. my jace stood proud and suffering ante his father and took the sword to his throat. my jace was ready to give him his last words,before valentine summoned the sword. my jace was killed by his father bc if he didn’t, jace would kill HIM. my jace died a warrior’s death. my jace died with honor.

headcanon hour: jace in the show verse did go to valentine’s funeral and didn’t just watch it from afar. since j0celyn is dead, and clary chose not to go, jace and luke are alone at the service. jace doesn’t really say a word, not even their usual greeting. he just stands there in his soldier position and watches. it’s a very emotional, complicated moment for him. he remembers his childhood, the good and the bad, and valentine holding him through his death. luke being there makes him feel better.

tbqh my jace would struggle with this. you have to remember that despite everything and despite having pushed himself through misery to get ready to kill him, himself, jace still LOVES valentine, and having the one girl he loves more than everything kill him like that? of course he understands, of course he knows it was needed, of course he knows she did it to save people, he knows all of that, but love is irrational, and it wouldn’t just go smoothly from here. he blamed himself for killing sebastian even though he never loved him or knew him, before all the horrible things sebastian did. and though of course he holds himself on a much infinitely lower level, he’d still struggle with this. bc bottom line is, clary did that.

how much harder do you think this is gonna make for him to grieve his father? so yeah, to clary players, if you’re keeping the show death, pls be aware of this.

#long post_#trigger_#for everything jace has ever been through #compilation ↬ jace herondale

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