#i was waiting for someone to make the connection bc i've been thinking about this all day lmao

[rkvriki]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ enhypen obliviously in love

hi.......lmfao i keep disappearing i swear i'm alive but my isnpo has been going down the drain but i got this cute lil idea also to take a break of all the smutty things i've been posting lolz... anyways hope you enjoy this one !

make sure to leave feedback and reblog! my requests are closed and my talk box is always open so lets talk!

WARNINGS ! none really i think?? this is just not my best work im sorry </3 word count: 1.9k a/n: sorry that some of them, mainly hee's, are smaller than others, my brain isn't functioning and i had a writer's block during this and if it's not goo it's bc i quite forced myself to write this bc i wanted to post sth :(

୨୧ LEE HEESEUNG ! - trying to hold your hand and failing

you and heeseung met through mutual friends in your first year of college and you became almost inseparable ever since then. in the beginning of it, you would only be together when the whole group was, but as time went by and you both started feeling more than just platonic feelings you two started hanging out alone as well. it was usual for heeseung to walk you to your apartment after classes and today was no different. you two walked side by side, the sun almost setting behind you. it was mostly quiet except for the background chatting and the small talk you two would make about something you saw. you could feel heeseung’s hand brushing against yours from time to time and you were internally cursing him out for not holding your hand already. after a few moments of silence, you heard heeseung sigh as he gained courage to hold your hand. his hand got closer to yours but- oh! a light post came between you two. needless to say heeseung was a blushing mess while you laughed at him.

୨୧ PARK JONGSEONG ! - confronting you about it

anyone had to be really blind to not notice the romantic connection there was between you and jay. it was so obvious you were both in love with each other, it was almost painful how one of the sides didn’t notice. that side being you. it’s not like you didn’t like jay romantically, because you do. a lot. but you felt like he just saw you as a best friend he tends to protect a lot. jay didn’t really show it, but he gets really frustrated when he tries to make a move on you in a subtle way, only for you to put him in the friend zone, but it’s all unintentional. every time someone tells you “jay totally likes you.” you’re quick to dismiss them because he would never see you like that. even though you’re the one saying it, it breaks you inside. until one day, you’re both in a diner, sharing fries and a milkshake and you can see jay fidgeting nervously and bouncing his leg repeatedly. “you’re restless, what’s going on?” you ask him, worried. jay sighs heavily and props his elbows on the table, staring at you with a serious expression. “look, i don’t know if i should just give up, because at this point you have to be pretending not to know.” he says “T-to know what?” he laughs at that. “that i like you, dummy.”

୨୧ SIM JAEYUN ! - tries to kiss you and fails

as childhood friends you and jake were always expected to end up dating by your fellow family members. you would always brush off any comments about you two (deep down you wish they were true) while jake just smiled like a fool while looking at you. it was no surprise when jake told his friends he liked you. it wasn’t hard to notice how he felt about you, seen the way he looks at you with glimmering eyes as he took in every word you say. he has never really tried to hide how he felt about you. he wasn’t ashamed of it and couldn’t wait for the moment you realized he liked you, because deep down he knew you felt like him too. it’s funny to him how he’s always making flirty comments and giving you kind of romantic presents and still you just thought he was playing his role as your best friend. but still, even though it was all funny and entertaining to watch, jake was tired of waiting and he decided to just directly show you how he feels. so that’s how you find yourself sitting in the park bench with him as layla plays around. jake takes a quiet deep breath as his hand comes up to brush your hair from your face, making you face him. he takes that as an opportunity to lean down. you, thinking he was gonna whisper something, turned your face to the side, making him bump his head against you. he starts laughing at you, making you confused. “you can’t really see it, can you?”

୨୧ PARK SUNGHOON ! - misunderstanding gone right ?

no one who knew you two understood how in hell you and sunghoon weren’t a couple. it was so obvious you both liked each other but still none of you seemed to do anything about it. you two were your class’s representatives so you two were almost always together and it wasn’t too hard to notice the lingering touches or stares you shared. but something the other students didn’t know was that you two had actually talked about your “feelings”. one day sunghoon almost overheard you telling your friend you liked him. “you like me?” he had asked “no! no, i don’t like you, sunghoon.” you answered trying to play it off. he nodded, his lips pursing. “good, then because i’m in love with someone else.”. it was something along those lines and you two had never talked about it again, but the tension never left. it felt heavy on you and it was painful to spend time alone with sunghoon so you settled that you were gonna tell him the truth. “remember that day you asked me if i liked you?” he hummed as he stopped in his tracks. “well, i lied. i like you, actually. i don’t want things to get awkward because you don’t feel the same but i needed to be honest.” his eyes widened as he stared at you like you were crazy. “are you kidding me? i only said i didn’t like you because you said you didn’t like me.” you gasped and pointed an accusing finger at him “why did you lie then? you said you were in love-” “hey! don’t put the blame on me now you lied too.” “well, we still can fix it right?” you said laughing making him do the same.

୨୧ KIM SUNOO ! - “PFT! who would ever like me?”

you and sunoo weren’t the closest people ever but you two spent a lot of time together since pretty much all of your friends were mutual. still, that fact didn’t stop you from developing a silly crush on him that quickly turned into something more serious the more you got to know him in the very few times the two of you were left alone after a group hangout. no one knew about it except for your best friend. you never told sunoo, not because you were afraid of rejection or him being rude because with how sweet his personality is, he would’ve rejected you in such a friendly manner it would make you think he’s reciprocating the feelings, but because no one like him would ever like you, he was way out of your league. so, confessing was definitely out of question, no matter how much your best friend would insist you would simply not do it. but in reality, it wasn’t really like that. one day you were hanging out with sunoo and your best friend at a cat cafe when suddenly in the conversation you said something along the words of “who would ever like?” and bold sunoo, was not afraid to hide his sincere feelings and answered with “i do.” he smiled while you looked up blushing furiously. your best friend laughing maniacally. “w-what?” sunoo chuckled at your reaction. “i thought i made it quite obvious that i liked you, silly.”  oh! who would’ve guessed!

୨୧ YANG JUNGWON ! - heard you liked “someone else”

you and jungwon had met each other in sophomore year of highschool and it was safe to say there was a connection instantly that was more than just a platonic one. you two quickly became attached at the hip. if jungwon said he was going somewhere it was sure that you would be here two, if you were being invited somewhere they could already expect the “can jungwon come along?” question, and vice-versa. it wasn’t strange when people came up to either you or him and asked if you were dating each other and it honestly shocked everyone when you both would always answer no to it, even your own girlfriends found your “friendship” strange. they did not find the idea of a boy-girl friendship weird or impossible to exist but they just couldn’t see your dynamic as friends so it was bound for them to question you. you heard the question so many times you decided to just tell them “fine! yes, i like him so, what?” you saw their shocked faces but they weren’t looking at you. you looked behind you seeing jungwon behind you. when you locked eyes he was quick to turn his back and walk away making you panic. a few days have gone by after that and you decided you needed to talk to him. “i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner. i didn’t want things to get ruined by this.” jungwon stared at you “who even is tha guy?” he asked making you look at him as if he had three heads. “what?” you asked “what what?” “jungwon the guy is literally you, i thought that was settled already.” jungwon stayed silent before laughing like a maniac. “if you’re here to make fun of me you can-” jungwon shut you off with a kiss, making you relaize where things went wrong.

୨୧ NISHIMURA RIKI ! - i don’t even know how to word this one

let’s settle one thing. you two knew you both liked each other. romantically. you just don’t bother on labelling it or directly showing it to each other. everyone around you found your dynamic honestly weird but to you two it was more simple than people put it to be. it all started when you were really oblivious about ni-ki’s feelings for you so he decided to hint that he liked you more than a friend. like one time you were walking to his house and he just shoot “you look cute.” but you didn’t quite hear what he said, distracted by a dog “what did you say?” he sighed “i said you look like a fruit.” “riki that does not make sense, but whatever you say.” and he started gradually getting bolder. “i can’t get this song out of my head.” you told him during class “i can’t get you out of my head.” oh! that was new information for you “thanks…?” at this point you were acting dumb for him and he couldn’t take it anymore so he got even more straightforward. during one of your daily walks you were rambling about a flower you saw on the way and he just let you talk as his hand sneakily grabbed yours, making you stop talking and falter in your steps “what?” he asked as if it was nothing “n-nothing!” he smiled as he kept walking along with you. after that day he noticed a change. a good one. and that’s when he realized you had realized so he decided to just get to the point “is it weird if i kiss you?” he asked when you were eating lunch in the school garden. you put your drink down and turned to look at him. “honestly, riki? yes. do i care? no.” so with that he grabbed your face, kissing you as he smiled against your lips.

[ouchmyghostskin]

Season 2 predictions regarding payneland:

I've been having thoughts since seeing the cameo where George said that there was a deleted scene post confession/ pre Crystal saying goodbye, where Edwin encouraged Charles to be honest with her about how he feels (which is kinda insane character development compared to episode one??? But good for him). Granted , they deleted it and we don't know why, but I'm going to assume it was for space/time etc. Originally I wasn't really sure if Edwin had picked up on the open-endedness of Charles saying that they had forever to figure it out, though I suspected he hadn't, but I thought that if he *had* that he would most likely wait. But now I think that Edwin probably saw that as "I don't reciprocate but don't worry we'll figure everything out". So I think the likelihood that Edwin might pursue something with someone else in season 2 is a definite possibility. Fully accepting Charles "rejection" and consciously deciding to address his loneliness and desire for romantic/sexual connection, despite his feelings for Charles. And....I suspect it's going to be the cat king. And I suspect that Charles is going to be caught between his interest in Crystal and insane jealousy about Edwin, and it's going to be the catalyst for him realizing that his jealousy is romantic in nature.

There is always the possibility payneland isn't endgame but I'm an optimist 👌

Now for some personal thoughts about the above that has some mildly negative feelings about catwin so if you would rather not read you can scroll now. 👍. Yay for curating your fandom experience!

So I'll be honest, there isn't even a small part of me that ships catwin. I thought the plot line was interesting, and I think the cat king is an interesting character that functions very well as a catalyst. I don't *hate* it and I have absolutely zero negative thoughts about people who enjoy it, just to be clear about that. Ship whatever you want, it's all paper dolls in a sandbox to me. For me personally though, I found the dynamic coercive enough to put me off it entirely as a ship. (For some people that's fun to explore, or ignore, in ships for a wide variety of reasons that I have zero desire to police, so again, I'm not criticizing catwin shippers). Secondarily , I actually don't ship characters all that often, but when I do Im pretty OTP about it, so that's contributing. But if that's the direction they're going in , it makes sense for them to continue with the cat king since it's established that Edwin is attracted to him, and has appeared to forgive him for manipulating him in season 1. So....I'll not be thrilled to see catwin content in season 2? But I can grimace through it if it's not endgame. Also...I've seen whispers that indicate some parts of fandom don't enjoy the jealousy plotline specifically bc they feel jealousy is harmful? I get it if it just doesn't interest you or brings up bad memories, but emotions don't harm others. Being angry or jealous is an almost unavoidable part of the human experience. Only your behavior motivated by those emotions can harm people. So ...I'm ALL for Charles continuing to grapple with emotions like jealousy and anger and coming to terms with realizing they don't make him an abusive person. Even if he handles it imperfectly that's still an interesting flaw, and there's an extremely large sliding scale of behavior between "that's something to work on but you are a great person" and actually harmful/abusive. Yay nuance!

[double--blind]

(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

[barrenclan]

sorry if this is spoilers bc we might learn more later. I'm super confused with Rainhaze's thought process. When he was saying its pointless. like. I get not wanting to go back bc he killed his mom. but what did that have to do with Asphodelpaw? Couldnt he just walk away? Did he see her and decide he wanted to be part of Defiance? And this was the tipping point to prove it? I'm super confused. Was it because if she left she'd tell someone? I assume we'll get a better explanation later?

Absolutely! I've actually been waiting for a chance to really dig into this. Like Rainhaze himself, his issue is written with a lot of confusion and uncertainty, and it's not very straight-forwardly, so I understand why his motivations are easy to miss. So here it is!

Firstly; Rainhaze as he existed in BarrenClan and Rainhaze as he is now are two very, very different beasts. Obviously he's still the same person, but he's gone through a mountain of trauma, violence, and was forced to confront the fact that if pressed, he would kill a family member - even his own mother. Sure, in the moment he was threatened into doing it, but it opens the possibility that he'd even do that. Maybe he would've done anything to protect his family then, but it's been a long time.

Then, over many months, he's subjected to propaganda, murder, and terrible treatment. His mental state from where he was when he killed Dustfeather is massively changed. He's depressed, listless, and much more willing to kill. Not only that, but Defiance propaganda has worked on him.

(Issue 24)

With so much constant killing in his life, and being constantly vulnerable, he begins to see death as a good thing. Something that ends suffering, something that doesn't really matter in the end.

(Issue 28)

So now we're at Issue 31. Rainhaze is in a "doldrum", like Ranger says (a period of inactivity or lethargy). He's so torn between his new life and new beliefs, and his old regrets and old connections to BarrenClan, that he's basically attempting to end his own life through inactivity. Ranger doesn't want this. Here's his plan:

Ranger knows that BarrenClan lives opposite the forest, across the prairie. He specifically orders Rainhaze to "kill something", planting that idea in his mind. He's hoping that Rainhaze will find one of his Clan members, and make the decision to kill one of them. This would push Rainhaze over into whatever full breakdown Ranger wants, and solidify his ties to Defiance. And that is what happens. So why did Rainhaze make that decision?

We already have the basis of an incredibly traumatized Rainhaze. He views himself as he is now, and who he used to be, as different people. And he belives that's completely beyond redemption.

Yes, all those months ago he promised he was suffering in Defiance for his family and Clan, but it's really hard to hold onto those noble morals when you're being put through hell every day. Rainhaze hasn't even seen his family in months. They don't seem real to him anymore.

Then he is finally confronted by Asphodelpaw, the symbol of everything he's put himself through torture to protect, and all he wants to do is go back to Defiance. And here we go, getting to these lines;

Rainhaze is a coward.

He's separated from Deepdark and Ranger, by at least several days. He could absolutely come home with Asphodelpaw and warn all of BarrenClan - they could evacuate in time, be far away by the time Defiance arrives on their territory. But then he'd have to face his family, face his sister whose mother he violently murdered. Have to stand there and have them look at him and know him and see the scars on his body.

When he says, "this is vile, pointless, irredeemable, monstrous", he understands that killing Asphodelpaw is a disgustingly cruel action. He knows that. He understands that he's choosing Defiance over her, and over them. But that's the choice he feels he needs to make to protect himself. He's not thinking about his family any more.

So he does something so completely vicious and irredeemable that he is forced to choose Defiance. Because there's no way that any BarrenClan cat would forgive him for this. There's no way he would forgive himself for this.

And thus, Rainhaze figures himself out, and burns every other bridge entirely. He makes his choice.

[melodic-haze]

haii!! I really like ur arle fic ^_^ could you write smth for sub yelan? can be a thirst :)

☆ — SONG TITLE: Safe and sound

☆ — PAIRING: sub!Yelan x dom!Reader

☆ — TYPE: Hurt with comfort, fluff, NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: MIGHT be ooc bc by GOD do I barely remember things now, gn but she calls you "doll" so there's that, praise kink, body worship, soft sex :3, fingering to cunnilingus pipeline, does it count as semi-public if you have sex in the bedroom interior thing of the pharmacy, silly banter bc I think sex is silly❗️❗️❗️

☆ — NOTES: HIII YAYYY THANK YOU 🫶🫶🫶 I absolutely can anon❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️ I need Yelan in my life so baaaad. Also do they even have actual hospitals in Liyue cuz Bubu Pharmacy's.....a pharmacy 😓 idc pretend they have patient rooms

☆ — WORD COUNT: 3,875 wtf

You told yourself that you knew what you were getting into, when you began your relationship with Yelan.

She's a busy woman—when your girlfriend technically doesn't exist for the sake of keeping her job as the personal intelligence officer for the Tianquan, you didn't really have a choice but to accept that things would be.. inconvenient for both you and your relationship.

You knew there would be risks. You knew that in order to make this work, the both of you had to reconcile with the fact that neither of you are completely safe from the possible consequences that came from her working in the more definitely-not-legal clandescine side of peacekeeping. One wrong move and she, the hunter, could get hunted.. and you could easily be used as bait.

You both knew that, and neither of you took it lightly. Obviously not; one stupid mistake and whatever cover she had on would be uprooted and someone would get hurt. But it's easy to admit that with how proficient your lover is with her work, the danger seems oh so far away...

Which makes the falling action hit all the more harder, because hope is a painfully fragile thing.

You're a storyteller at the Heyu Tea House, much like Liu Su is. Perhaps you could've worked at Yanshang, considering your very intimate connection with its owner, but such closeness risked turning you into an accessory people could exploit to reach their target. Those who've witnessed you consider you a talent—you had a way of weaving words together at a second's notice, your voice the only element needed to transport the public's focus and imagination to another world.

Yelan had admired that silver-tongued quality of yours.. or, as she had joked about more than once, your delightful skill with your mouth. The joke aside, it was something that you two had in common, except you told tales of the brave and the bold with freedom and joyous passion while she told tales of ever-shifting identities to keep herself hidden as she did her job.

..But no tales of glory could ever reassure you when a messenger brought news of Yelan's state, no tales of security could keep you above the ocean of overwhelming dread.

You had to rush over to Bubu Pharmacy, not caring that you were leaving work and all the tea house's patrons behknd when you had just been told that she was in critical condition. What kind of state is she in? How did it happen?

By the time you get there, you were almost ready to burst into the interior before Herbalist Gui steps in the way, "Wait, wait. Who--"

"Where.." you heaved, having just ran basically from one end of the Harbor to another, "where is she? Yelan? Inside, yes? I have to--"

"Slow down."

"But she's in critical--"

"Assuming you're the one I've been told to wait for, she was in critical condition. She's recovering, at the moment.. though Dr. Baizhu himself was tasked to brief you about it inside."

The feeling of relief was small and momentary but comforting, "Then can I see her? Please?"

He nodded before opening the door himself, "Just don't rush in like you were about to."

With a hum of affirmation, you stepped inside, eyes darting around to find your lover before eventually locking onto a certain bedridden figure in hushed conversation, along with Dr. Baizhu.. and Lady Ningguang.

Sure, it would've done you some good to act relatively composed in the Qixing's presence, but it's not like that was the time for it.

So instead you quickly walk over with urgency, the other two weren't much of a priority to you right now, "Yelan!"

She pauses before turning her head and smiles as she sees you approach, opening her arms to you, "Y/N, sweetheart, there you are..."

You move to quickly embrace her, burying your face in the crook of her neck. Her familiar scent and her comforting warmth overtaking your senses and reassuring you that she is fine and she is NOT dying and--

You feel her wince before trying her best to cover it up, unintentionally prompting you to let go. You look at her with worry once again before you see her try to smile, though it looks more like a grimace to you.

"I'll be fine, you don't need to treat me like I'm made of glass." She then winks at you, as if she wasn't at all injured, "You know I like it rough, doll."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes with a huff despite the situation, "Your possible death bed isn't really the place to be joking like this..."

She shrugged, "On the contrary, I think this is the perfect time. I'm not dead yet, though."

"You could've been."

"You, indeed, could've been."

Both of you turned to look at the two briefly forgotten figures in the room, said two sporting small smiles befitting of their own nature. The doctor's snake, Changsheng, looks to the side as if disinterested but you see that there's some sort of pleasant glint on her eyes.

Baizhu starts off slow, as if speaking to a spooked deer, probably for your sake, "Unfortunately, Yelan's life was almost taken due to a mix of a poison build-up and bleeding out too much. We've.. had to keep her here in secret for a while in order to keep watch of her state. At least," he let out a light chuckle, "until she managed to stay conscious for longer than five minutes."

"It was a lot of trouble, you know." The albino snake hissed out, "Really had to keep an eye on her 24/7 in case she suddenly curled up and died more than she looked instead of just taking a nap."

"Now, my case wasn't that dire--"

"Barbaric as it is, I'll bite you and fill you with poison again if you say otherwise, human--"

"Before your pet snake threatens my agent's life a week after she almost died, might I suggest we hurry this along? I'm sure Y/N would like to be alone with your patient instead of witnessing this little farce of yours." Despite her words, Ningguang's lips had easily curled into a small smirk, her eyebrows slightly raised and her tone amused.

"Come now, you heard the Tianquan; no need to threaten the patient, Changsheng," Baizhu sighed as he softly nudged her head away with a knuckle. "The sooner we brief her other half over here, the sooner you can go, okay?"

The snake companion offered no other form of acknowledgement beyond a little huff before resting her head on Baizhu's shoulder.

"So..." You start, "You're telling me that she's been here for.. a week."

Ningguang nods.

"And nobody went to tell me."

The Tianquan let out a small sigh before lifting a hand to idly summon a few of her small gem constructs and swirling it around, "After thinking it through, we weren't necessarily left with a choice. She was in dire need of immediate help, everything else came after."

'Necessary' this, 'thinking' that, it was getting a bit infuriating, "If it was so bad then why send her in such a dangerous mission in the first place?!"

"It wasn't supposed to be."

You all turned to look at Yelan, who had been silently watching you on her bed, and you just now notice the slender hand that gently tugged down on your arm.

She then turns to the others with a smile, "I'll take the rest of the explanation. With my service, I think I'm at least owed some time alone with this sweetheart I'm holding onto right now."

Ningguang nods as Baizhu stands up, the both of them moving to leave. However, you hear the doctor call out as he closes the door, smug amusement practically radiating off his voice, "Don't exhaust her too much now!"

The door closes, leaving you two alone, and you couldn't help but cringe at the Doctor's remark as Yelan laughed. That moment only lasted for a few moments, however, before worry and dread came back to make itself known to you.

"I'm still mad, you know."

"I know, doll."

"And worried."

"Mhm."

"If you knew then why wasn't I told that you've been here this whole time?" You ducked your head as your hands sought to hold onto yoour lover's own, "You could've died nearby and I wouldn't have known until it was too late."

Her hands reciprocated your gesture, giving you a light squeeze, "Don't hate me."

"What for?"

"I was the one who told them not to say anything until I was all better."

"..But why?"

"It was something I arranged with Ningguang a while ago about you; if I'm ever in a really bad state, it should be kept secret until I either recover or.. well, you know."

"That's not telling me why."

"I was getting to that, sweetheart," she chuckled as she lifted one of your hands to press a small kiss on the back of it, "it's to protect you. I'm not risking my life to risk yours even more.. and I didn't want you getting worried or getting false hope in case I didn't get through. I wanted to come back to you injury-free."

You took pause, considering her words. You knew she was right, getting all wound up about something that would or wouldn't have come would've been.. stressful. And in doing so, there's a chance that you might be identified and used against her. It might be extreme, but it pays to be careful when your girlfriend's basically a spy.

"You still had me worried, though."

"Haha, yeah, I'm sorry."

"I almost knocked some poor patron's tea onto his lap from rushing out to see you and yet all you do is laugh it off."

Yelan snorted, "Really?"

"Yes? I don't have time to be careful when you could've been dead! What even happened?"

"I took a gamble on the whole thing and it ended up backfiring, that's all."

"..And I'm guessing that's all you'll tell me?"

"Until I get the all-clear, yes. Sorry, love."

"That's fine. It's.. the same old. I just wish you were more careful."

"Mm. I said I'm sorry, didn't I?"

You look up at her to reply but you stop in your tracks as you see the way she's looking at you.

Her eyes, coloured a dazzling aquamarine, looked at you with such love and care. Coupled up with that easy, relaxed smile, it reminds you of why you're willing to put up with.. all this for the love of your life.

Your words are taken from you and you couldn't care less, not when she lets go of your hands and wraps them around your neck.

"I missed you," she says, and you can't help but melt.

"I missed you too. So much."

"Then can I..?"

Your eyes crinkled at the request, easily falling back into the dynamic you have with her, "We're not done talking about this. And you're not meant to be exhausted."

"I almost died, can't a woman get a reward for surviving a bad roll?"

"You could, but that's not how you ask."

Her voice turns airy yet raspy at your reminder, her tone simultaneously taunting and begging, "Please?"

"..Alright, fine then. Come here." And that's all you say before you both lean in, her arms slowly tugging you down on the bed with her as you follow through the movement.

Soon enough, you're on top of her as slow, gentle kisses progressed and increased in intensity, her hands wandering and grasping onto you as if you were her one lifeline, the reason why she lived. And perhaps you are, with the way she cherishes you and lets you do whatever you wish to her, both in body and soul. Your touch, in contrast to her uncoordinated movements, is gentle and unhurried as you make sure to be careful of possibly hurting the woman underneath you.

The both of you make relatively quick work in removing the clothes you have on, with more effort on your part due to your insistence in letting her lean back so that she doesn't accidentally strain herself. You almost regret it when you see the state of her body—the bruises are fading away faster than it probably would've, were it not for Baizhu's help, but the cuts...

"Even with the doctor's healing, they don't look too good, do they?" You hear Yelan muse, her ever so confident tone slightly tinged with a touch of self-consciousness, "You don't need to look at them, doll. I wouldn't--"

"No, they're.. beautiful."

She snorts again, an unsure smirk on her lips and a light pink dusting her cheeks, "Usually I'd agree, but those are recent gashes you're looking at."

"And?" You raised an eyebrow, "They may look a bit.. gnarly but you survived all of this. How can I not think they're beautiful? How can I not think you're beautiful?"

She doesn't say anything back, though you hear her exhale shakily before she pulls you back into another brief kiss. You don't stay there long, however, as you slowly make your way down: gently biting and licking her neck, playing and sucking onto her nipples with great care, kissing every scar and bruise and wound she's received in great reverence to the one you love, caressing every inch of her body...

Underneath you, Yelan squirms in pleasure and anticipation, her breathing deep and her skin flushed as you take your time in worshipping every single inch of her body. Her hips rock up in an effort to grind her clit up on your thigh. She was desperate—of all the places you decided to caress, you've yet to touch the one place she needed you the most after the whole time you've been apart. You knew this, and yet you kept going.

Yelan knew how to handle hard and rough, but she was lost when it came to soft and gentle.

"Please, babe," she practically moaned out, "Aren't you-- ah.. taking longer than... than usual..?"

You pressed a kiss on a closed wound as you grazed a nipple with your thumb, "Am I? I didn't realise you timed me whenever I had you at my mercy."

Her breath hitched at the movement, "No, just.. instinct... How long are you--"

"But I haven't shown how much I love every single inch of you yet."

"I think I'd get the message if y-- ohfuck... if you got to the main event."

You sported a mock pout, your words failing to hide your teasing intent that just wants to have her squirming for you, at least for a little while, "I haven't seen you in a good while, can't you let me savour you?"

You see her gulp, her eyes half-lidded before one of her hands move to comb her hair out of the way, "You have.. you have all of me, no matter what."

..That was enough, especially after finding out that you almost lost her.

Your hand grazed her skin as it travelled down to her core, your fingers lightly swabbing the slit to get a feel of the wetness accumulating in the apex of her thighs. "You're so wet... Maybe I should treat you like a fragile little princess more often, hm?" You couldn't help the remark as you rubbed circles on her clit and gave her what she wanted, especially when she lets out such a delicious whine.

"I need.. inside... Come on, now, sweetheart, I--"

"You were doing so well..." Your minstrations slowed down, earning another whine from who was supposed to be a mature woman, "What's the magic word, hm? We've gone through this."

She doesn't hesitate, "Please put.. put your fingers in me, I've needed you for s-so-- oh my fucking-- mmnf!"

You made quick work in finding someone's discarded panties—yours or hers, you couldn't care less right now—and using it as a makeshift gag to silence your lover when you finally sink your fingers into her wet, hot pussy. "I don't know if you remember since apparently you've been here the entire time, but we're not home right now. So I suggest you try your best to stay quiet."

"That is," you continue with a raised eyebrow, keeping your hand still inside her and practically relishing in her pleading gaze, "you can keep quiet, right? I wouldn't want us to be a disturbance so if you can't, then..."

You make a point to remove your fingers at an agonising pace, its presence leaving just as soon as it came, but her hand reaches out in an effort to keep you inside. You see her shaking her head 'no', though she doesn't let out a sound.

"Good girl," and you plunge your fingers in once again as some sort of makeshift punctuation to your brief praise, to which you could feel her hips buck sharply into your hand in response.

Your lips and your unoccupied hand wandered around her body, as if making sure that she was there with you and actually alive instead of whatever worrying condition she was in. And really, if it weren't for some lucky stroke of luck, she wouldn't even be here in your arms right now.

You knew the risks of being with her but that didn't mean you liked it—the thought of losing your lover was...

"..Mm?"

You looked at her and you see a questioning yet knowingly sympathetic look in her eyes, and that's when you realise that you had unconsciously stopped moving entirely.

She moves her hand, though it isn't to remove the makeshift gag in her mouth. Rather, she moves it to softly brush her knuckles on your cheek, reassuring you of her present existence without words.

..You needed her just as much as she needed you.

With a pleasant hum, you kissed her again before moving your head down and leaving a trail of kisses in your wake. You stop at her glistening core, wet with slick and anticipating your next move from the way it squeezes down on your unmoving digits, before you descend further and give her clit a slow, tentative lick. The effect is immediate—you hear her let out a muffled gasp as her hands dart to the back of your head.

Her reactions have always been a delight to witness because of how it was always such a gamble to you; was she going to try holding it in or was she going to be so expressive that you have to keep her still? Was she going to be a good girl and follow every little thing you say or was she going to be a brat and defy you until you've broken her in? But this time it's delightful in a different way—your entire exchange is so utterly intimate and caring and reassuring for the both of you.

And the effect on her is also delightful too. Putting her hands on your head and alternating between gripping it tight and massaging your scalp as you consumed her entire being, murmuring sweetly broken-apart words of her love for you as she tries to quiet down for you, pulling you closer by wrapping her legs around your head and never letting you go while her body twitches and reacts at your every minstration... For once, she doesn't know what to do, simply laying there as a helpless pile of need and desire that's being wound up tight with care until she possibly can't anymore.

When your fingers curl up into that one specific spot as you sucked on her clit just the right way, you feel her finally snap and let go before you hear it.

It happens in such a mesmerising sequence; her breath hitches once more as her body locks in place for a mere second before she bucks her hips and shakes uncontrollably. Her hands claw on your scalp and her thighs squeeze you tighter, practically closing up any space to breathe and yet you don't care—you happily continue on with your movements and help your lover ride through her much-needed orgasm. Then that's when you hear her garbled screams, the makeshift gag in her mouth definitely not enough to contain the sound, mixed with "I love you"s and scrambled words of gratitude as she rides out her high.

It takes a while, but eventually she settles down. Yelan's grip on you softens up and you are given room to move off her and finally breathe (not as if you were complaining, in the first place). So you extract yourself from her lower body, though not without cleaning her slick up with careful licks as you slowly took your fingers out as to not overstimulate her further. You licked your own fingers clean right after with a little wink at her and you see her roll her eyes with a smile as she takes the panties out her mouth and puts them aside, the expression complimented with a blushing tint on her cheeks.

You kiss all the way back up her body until you reach her lips, and a hand goes up to cup your cheek as you share this tender moment together between you. And when your lips break apart, your body doesn't follow—instead, you lie beside her with both your limbs tangled up together and never letting go. You would have lied down on her but you didn't want to put pressure on her still-recovering body.

Neither of you speak for a little while, satisfied with simply hearing the sounds of each other's breathing. Of her breathing, an indication that she's alive and with you at this present moment. It's so easy to just.. close your eyes and fall into a comfortable slumber with your partner right here with you.

But eventually, Yelan manages to form her words, "I missed that."

You raised an eyebrow, "What, the sex?"

"Well, yes. You're a natural, sweetheart. But no, I meant being with you."

"..Me too."

...

"There is.. one more thing I want to do."

"And what's that?"

And she turns to look at you with that dazzling sea of aquamarine blanketed with a warm, loving gaze, "Rest. With you."

The smile that stretches your lips isn't enough, could never be enough, to express the happy warmth that blossomed within you, "We can do that."

You don't do it immediately; you've had to briefly extract yourself to put your own clothes back on and help Yelan with hers (despite her insistence that she can do it herself) because the least you two can do is look somewhat presentable in case someone comes in. But when you finish up and you come back to bed with her, it doesn't take all that long for peaceful exhaustion to overtake you.

The last thing you see is Yelan's live, blissful expression of happiness, something one wouldn't expect from someone in her line of work and yet there it was.

And it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

(And when you wake, you see her snoring lightly with her lips slightly apart.

And you wouldn't want to trade this—her—for anything.)

[its-all-papaya]

trick or treat🎃🎃

come trick or treating!!

I've been trying to change these up in terms of content type, so I was considering on the walk home what ideas I could throw at a wall that aren't just dad lando or other wip snippets, and i think... ballet dancer lando au??

This started as an anybody, nowhere AU dupe and became a hallmark christmas movie in my head REAL QUICK but hear me out:

lando as the principal at a ballet company. he is the best. he has achieved The Goal he's had since childhood. he is being paid to dance. ballet is crazy bc it's so comforting in its familiarity, the lines are all so cleanly drawn, there are rules and correct ways to do things, but it is also soooooooo mean to ur brain (ask me how i know). lando's self-critical ass would suffer similarly to how he has suffered in F1. it's such a balance between repetition and perfection... i could make something of that. i could crawl inside his brain i think. anyway, point is he's kind of burned out and questioning his life's direction and just going through the motions of his job.

oscar's sisters younger than they are irl (like 6, 8, and 14) and in the training school at lando's company. they are mice and/or cookies and/or party children and/or snowflakes in THE NUTCRACKER (hallmark movie, see?)

lando is the nutcracker prince, obviously. and all of the kids worship him when he starts coming to rehearsals with them in december, even when he's just kind of stretching existing blocking. like... he's so good and graceful and they all have crushes on him.

i think landoscar would meet OUTSIDE of ballet context (bar, coffee shop, whatever i invent as oscar's job) and start out flirty cute landoscar-y. lando finding joy in the novelty of him and the dry way he approaches things and tells things how they are, but not in the mean way his choreographers do. it's actually kind of funny. lando is charmed.

meanwhile, oscar's kid sisters chatting at oscar nONSTOP about how beautiful and perfect the nutcracker prince in their production is. he's so kind and SUCH a good dancer and they're absolutely in love with him.

but somehow on one side or the other, someone doesn't know lando's name. so oscar never makes the connection. until CHANCE ENCOUNTER where they put the pieces together. oscar picking up his sisters late bc his mum couldn't and finding lando waiting for them in the lobby, perhaps. giving cute little corrections the youngest one or feeding them extra snacks out of his bag bc it's past dinner. and oscar is like.... OH!!??

i think subplot where oscar's oldest sister is Going Through It as a snowflake and is like "i'm not good enough, i should quit" and lando helping her emotionally or through private lessons or both idk, i've only been thinking about this for like 25 minutes ever.

miracle of christmas ending where through oscar's younger sisters, lando rediscovers the beauty and fun and magic of dancing. and obviously landoscar kissing under some mistletoe or backstage or both or everywhere.

is this anything?? i might be able to bang it out by christmas if i go nose to grindstone and keep myself strictly under like 20k with it.

[yesimwriting]

More than this

A/n the anakin appearance in ahsoka show got to me, that's all i can say

warnings: i didn't think too much about realistic timelines and i lowkey prioritized vibe over canon (as usual tbh), also written very quickly bc i'm supposed to be studying for a test so typos maybe? and maybe not great lol,, lowkey manipulative anakin but he's in his villain era so

Summary: Similar vibes as that force "facetime" thing with kylo and rey,, basically anakin 'facetiming' his not gf after killing off a bunch of younglings bc she's going through it and he's that committed

----

You're sick of it. Not of meetings or of political discourse or of trying to do the right thing for your people. You're sick of pretending like your entire way of life doesn't have an approaching expiration date.

The door to your bed chambers shuts with a groan loud enough to mask your irritated sigh. You squeeze your eyes shut so tightly you see stars before resting your forehead against the solid surface.

At least you're alone now. For now.

It won't be long before someone finds you. Another meeting or lesson or worst of all--another suitor. You don't want any of it. In fact, you might not ever want to speak to another person again.

"Not surprising."

You turn around too quickly, the back of your head hitting the door with a soft thump. Some combination of a shout and gasp tries to crawl up your throat but just as quickly the urge vanishes.

"Great..." He's standing at the other end of your room, confident like he has a right to be in your chambers. Like he's actually-- "I'm being driven to insanity."

He tilts his head slightly, expression revealing much too little. "I've told you." He takes a step forward. "I'm real."

At this point, he's given you several reasons to believe the stories he's told you. That the force he wields for whatever reason has chosen to connect the two of you. Considering what you've been briefed on regarding the current state of the Jedi, you might be better off if the stranger that keeps finding you does turn out to be a hallucination.

A question settles in your chest the way it often does when he appears. Now that you know about the rumored fall of the Jedi that has your father nervous and your advisors unsure, you're more wary of him than ever. How is he 'standing' here, perfectly fine?

You're not overly concerned about offending him. He's just someone that manipulates his abilities to pop in whenever you crave solitude most. But something at the back of your mind warns that you might not want the answer. Nothing good could come from any involvement of the Jedi in their current state.

"A hallucination would make the same argument," you whisper, voice drier than before. He takes another step in your direction. A mistake. You've made one by indicating nerves. "So..." Recovering quickly, you force your spine to straighten, "Why are you here this time?"

Casual and detached. That's how all of these forced rendezvous go. It's the safest. He insists on whatever point he's trying to make and you pretend to be too caught up in your annoyance to find any part of interesting until he eventually vanishes. Any stray in that could lead to a negative shift. Especially now.

"Are you not happy to see me?" You blink. He's made those types of comments before, a hint of humor touching his features enough to make you feel less on edge. But this time the words feel off, void of any warmth or surprising charisma.

Nerves twist themselves in your stomach. Whatever happened to the Jedi, whatever had all the members of your latest meeting on edge has effected him.

He's watching you, waiting for a reaction. You want out, but some instinct begs you to keep that hidden. A lifetime of being a royal daughter instead of a son has taught you that there's a certain safety that comes from playing unaware. "Not any more or less happy than usual."

That sounds normal, right? You've never been particularly nice to him, making it clear that you have no interest or time for whatever potential the force he's always talks about sees in the two of you as a pairing. But you're also not mean or flighty. "Okay, maybe a little less."

A small offering. You've done it before, revealing bits and pieces of your life to him because he has no part in your world. It doesn't matter what he knows and you've never had someone in your life in any capacity that you could just rant to, someone you could exist around without any pretext.

"And why is that?"

Another thing you didn't think through. The meeting that made you feel like a useless figurehead just waiting to be married off had revolved around the issues with the Jedi and what that means for your people.

"Some meetings today." That's a casual enough thing to admit. He normally assumes that's your issue. "Long meetings...so if you could just get to your point and disappear the way you usually do."

The corner of his mouth turns upwards. Normally, his partial smiles and signs of ease make you feel better about speaking to him. This look, however, only further knots your stomach. "Busy day."

"Yeah," you agree, nodding once, "Another one of my cousins have agreed to a proposed betrothal and that--that always starts discussions of when I'll finally do the same and--"

You're not sure where your rambling's going, you just know that this is something you complain about enough for it to seem normal. Besides, the best covers are based on the truth and what you're referencing is true enough. There was some discussion about a relative's impending marriage, but the rumors took over the meeting before anyone could try to convince your father to finally marry you off.

He takes another step towards the door and then another. The room is large enough that there's still an amount of distance between the two of you that's respectable, but that doesn't make it easier to dismiss that he's getting closer. At least your proximity to the door is comforting.

"You've never lied to me before."

The flutter of uncertainty in your stomach spikes, a brief wave of panic rendering you incapable of thinking. He's capable of just appearing in your room without actually being here, being able to tear apart your lie is nothing compared to that. But somehow him being able to tell where your truth begins and ends feels much more invasive than what you already knew about. You don't lie constantly, but for so long your ability to seem clueless has been your only form of self preservation.

You don't know what to do next. A part of you wants to fall back on habit, commit to your portrayal of not knowing. He'll see through it, there's no reason for him not to, but what else is there? Owning up to lying about the meeting will lead to a discussion of the actual meeting and that...

You're not sure why you're so convinced that ignorance is what you should be striving for. After all, everything you heard about the Jedi's current situation was unconfirmed, too recent and closed off to have reached even the top leader's of your home. But if it's true and he's really reaching out to you after such tragedy and acting casual in a way that makes it feel like you've never met him before.

You're also too aware of the fact that while you do feel the need to be alert, you're not afraid. This would be easier if you were. "How do you know that?"

Instead of sounding as closed off as you want to, genuine curiosity bleeds into the question.

"The same way we can see each other." Another step, this one less subtle. "I can teach you, if you'd like."

If he can tell when you're lying, there's not much point in saying no without a reason because despite yourself, you would like to know how. Who wouldn't? "I think I'm missing certain abilities."

His eyebrows draw together, and for a brief second you get a glimpse of something a little more familiar and a lot easier to accept. "I wouldn't be too sure."

Okay, now you know something's up with him. A breezy half-laugh escapes you. "Come on." Maybe that was his way of releasing some of the tension. His expression doesn't waiver. "Okay." If he wants to act strange, fine, but he's not going to convince you that you're like him in anyway. "What makes you say that?"

A beat passes and then another. If he had behaved like he usually does, you might have even considered the silence a sort of hesitation. "You're the one that reached out to me."

Another breathy, almost nervous laugh slips out. "Even if I had wanted to speak to you, I wouldn't have known how."

"You found a way."

There are only so many things you can believe from him. He's an invasive stranger that you've decided to accept in your life out of desperation for an outlet of escape. "That's impossible." He's closer now than you remember him being a second ago. That's almost enough to derail your train of thought. "The--the only thing I was thinking about was how much I wanted to be alone."

"You say that every time."

Pressing your lips together, you give yourself permission to let his words sink in. Every time you've seen him, it's after deciding that you want nothing to do with anyone ever again. "Then I guess you have impeccable timing."

He's so close now that you could extend an arm to touch him....if you wanted to. He angles his chin downwards slightly, "I can teach you."

Warmth begins to crawl up your chest. His assistance is another thing that should scare you. You're not like him...you can't be and even if you were, it'd have to be a secret that you take with you to the grave. And even if you are, why does it matter to him? "Why?"

He's unfazed by your abrasive tone. "I can see it."

"There's nothing to s--"

"You want more than this." You swallow once in an attempt to get rid of whatever's lodged itself in your throat. Maybe there is no such thing as being able to be fully honest with anyone, no matter how disconnected from your life they may seem. "I can help you."

Some halfhearted correction tries to pry itself out of your mouth even though there's no point. "I don't--we don't even know each other." You keep your poster rigid. "I don't even know your name."

His lips part. Whatever response he was planning on giving you is cut off before he can even start by the quick knocking against your door. Your head initially snaps towards the door. "..Are you in there?" Another rush of soft knocks. "Your father's waiting for you, he wants to debrief the last meeting."

Your let your head fall forward again with an instinctual sigh. By the time your eyes settle where they were before, he's gone.

[planetdream]

Types of mafia bosses/position in the gang for skz? I've got the brain rot for this lately I blame the pics of them in suits and shit; I just imagine loads of tattoos too and yep I may do this to myself. But anyways, thoughts? Or thots?

can't wait to find out who of them is the first to get a real tattoo 😻😻 i will go batshit fr but i do love me some good organized crime (goodfellas is one of my favorite movies of all time, and ive written scarface fanfic, been thinking about watching the sopranos) also so so so sorry bc this was sent in may and clearly I took my sweet time answering this 🥺

cw; organized crime (i just love saying that) (non desc.) violence n drugs n sex 😻😻

let me preface this by saying, bear with me, because although i gave this a lot of thought, it lowkey reads like a random cluster thoughts lmao. anyway, i came to the conclusion that if i ever were to potentially expand on this concept more 👀👀👀 that in my head, the boys are split into two crime families, with chan and minho being the two bosses. think of their dorm arrangements (3racha/hyune + minho and the minhoettes; if those are still their arrangements ? lol). i would also say the two families are on fairly decent terms.

chan, or should I say, chris, is the stereotypical mob boss who chooses to shield his lover from the violence and drug side of his work—but has no issue showering them with the drug and violence money. if you haven't seen goodfellas, there's a scene where karen asks henry for money to go shopping before he leaves, and he gives her half of this thick stack of cash before she drops to her knees and well... yeah. not sure why, but it gives channie vibes, imo. like he hates to be pulled away from his work, but if his baby needs him for a few minutes, even an hour or two, it isn't a problem.

i'd say as a mob boss, he's one that lurks in the shadows—he likes to protect his peace, to an extent. he'll pop out and show his face every once in a while to remind others of his territory. he's always going to get his lick back, but he plays things strategically as he's not someone who makes brash decisions; it might not happen now, but it will happen. he also tries to give back to his community and those who raised him within his neighborhood, etc. he's all about strong family bonds and despite him being feared; despite all the blood and threats, the violence and damage; he craves to be loved.

changbin, strikes me as someone who is eternally faithful to the family. maybe..even to a fault (if this were a scorsese film, i feel he'd be one of the last to be murdered; and it probably happens off screen lol). but because he is loyal, he is most definitely chan's second in command, a real right hand man. if anything has happened to chan, then changbin knows that he must not hesitate, he must not mourn or act out—but to learn from chan and play things strategically. he must assume the role of the don. off topic, imo, he's someone that might show off his partner. bringing them to poker nights so all the others can drool over them. his lover is his prize and he'd go above and beyond for them. (has definitely been set up by a lover so he doesn't trust easily, but when he does, whew, he falls head first)

hyunjin is in it for the moneyyyy.. feel like he just wants to show off and get girls (and the mens...👀) and do drugs. he just wants to have fun, most importantly. life is like a video game to him; he's kinda just doing a bunch of side quests—but he knows everyone and everything, a real socialite. kinda perceive him as a friend of the mob who has serious drug connects. since he's everywhere all the time, just being in others business feeling like the cops would be trying for yearsss to pin him on murder or intent to distribute charges but they've only got him for possession once.

now jisung confuses me just a bit. originally i wrote this paragraph about how jisung and felix remind me of lenny from shark tale (another scorsese classic, sorta). they don't seem to be cut out for the life of crime and would rather just leave and be their true selves. but them mfs r not sharks!! leaving can be potentially dangerous and often has consequences (and those two would like to keep their fingers and well, their lives).

that being said, i had been internally debating on whether or not jisung would be perceived as someone who could potentially squeal if pressured heavily—which definitely would affect his rank/status.... but I think he's dedicated to prove himself in the life he was given. likely starts of simple; he's selling drugs n stuff. then, he's even handled a couple hits—so now he's looked at with respect when around everyone. and if he's honest, to be accepted and respected means a lot to him. he almost wears his murder count with such pride. has been told time and time again, not to act irrationally.

minho, is ruthless, and would like for his other half to be equally as ruthless. for that reason, he doesn't care to shield any of his work from you, and often asks for your opinion on things. if you're in the club and somebody hits on you or tries to start shit he wants you to be able to handle yourself; thus he recognizes you are your own person and not his property. i feel like minho would want to damn near fear his lover. yet I also view him as someone who is nowhere near ready for a relationship (doesn't have the time, he says) but is always at the right longitude and latitude to fuck yk?

because min is a scorpio I am also inclined to say that he is also a boss that lurks in the shadows—pulling strings behind the scenes. he's not a show off and he's not much of a talker either so but you better believe his actions speaks volumes. he fears no one and will more than definitely make sure he makes an example out of those who fuck up. low-key god complex; everything works out in his favor, especially if he's the last one standing.

nobody knows felix is apart of a crime family and he likes to keep it that way. he flies under the radar and because of it, he's made things that seem impossible happen. he gives a very trustworthy vibe, people feel comfortable around him—he deceiving them. but it's gotten him certain connections, through certain doors, and he's learned heavy secrets (blackmail champion). his kill count is unknown. no like he flies so far under the radar, not much is known about him. still, he says a lot about himself without saying too much.

thinking that seungmin is minho's right hand—his MOST trustworthy. yet I can also see seungmin as someone who may have ulterior motives: he's making his own moves and plays behind everyones back and can be perceived as untrustworthy if anyone knew simply due to the nature of what he's doing (building his own empire maybe who knows) honestly gives hitman vibes if im real (I think there's a very thin line between hitman and serial killer yk and well...hitmen don't take trophies...) seungmin is fr someone who shouldn't be crossed. isn't into dating but he might fuck around once or twice

jeongin chases that dream to be a Made Man™ since being a kid (similar to henry in goodfellas) I would say that he's really reliable. well, until he's not. he's handsome and the ladies love him, what can he say? thus, he stays IN the club unless there's an important play to be made. he's crossed between living his young life [drugs, parties, fucking] and going for his dreams and really committing to the mob life. every so often he has phase where he's getting back into the loop of things until something traumatic happens then he's off on a 4 day binger,,

very interesting indeed.....would love to chat more on this hmm

[artonice]

Am I delulu?

Anyways... seriously y'all. I started publicly sharing B/V stuff in March. I'm just a girly from Boston who is obsessed with ice dance and the athletic, emotional moments it creates. I also enjoy its connection to art. Their 2023 FD reminds me so much of the above painting. I like to post comparisons and Kiki with the girls. Ice dance slays so hard bc I've never seen anything like it before! I really earnestly just enjoy all of the mechanics.

The dedication, the performance. Y'all caught me vicariously living, babes! We all wish we could've been something like a ballerina or an ice skater. Seeing Bella skate, inspires me to do the things that little me dreamed of. Still! Which I enjoy just as equally. Because everyone seems so grumpy all the time and I love having something to cheer for and believe in. I've competed for 2 bike races since following Bella. Because I'm rooting for someone who does cool stuff and think, wait I can do cool stuff too. And the duo for sure inspires me to paint and write and listen to good music and all that other important stuff. Like a good tv show or my favorite book would.

But this is my crutch, y'all. These are very real people. Celebrity and influencer culture makes us depersonalize the figures sharing their lives. I can def see how I get lost in the delulu of their skating story, and Bella's underdog lore (which is mainly why I'm here y'all). I know it's still a risk that skaters can see this post, but I just wanna yap to no one about how weird the modern world is. And I think Tumblr is probably the most private place out of all socials to yap anyways.

So, my point. I feel weird! I feel so weird making edits and talking about how inspired I am by these strangers, especially when the inspiring strangers can see😭. Bella follows my insta account (as well as a bunch of others) bc she's a cool and connective girl broooo like Bella pls don't unfollow girly I'm just saying I don't wanna freak anyone out 😭🫶. Cause I couldn't imagine all these people being so focused on my life and what I do, it might stress me out bad yall.

I know I'm delulu, but more so I'm sensitive. That's why I like this sport. And I like to chit chat!!! Combined with this hyper digital, often fantasy focused world we live in (movies, tv, sports, books) I don't want to be confused with some crazy person who can't decipher boundaries bc I run an active stan account. And no hate to my fellow Stan accounts, this scenario feels unique bc ice skating fan accounts have audiences that often include people in the skater's communities or families, if not the skater themselves. It's not like I'm posting about Taylor Swift who won't see it. Girl, my T-swift is 5'ft tall and can jump 6ft high in the air. Her Eras Tour starts in Lake Placid this July😭. And you bet your ass I need to talk about it!

But I also gotta remind myself that this isn't my favorite TV show but people's real lives. Like fr. Sometimes the competition is so good you'd think it was scripted, y'all. God, like let me keep yapping forever huh?

Anyways, I am so glad I get to connect with my favorite athlete, as I'm sure her other fans appreciate it too. She's honest and open to chat for a reason, it keeps us feeling like we are on the road to the Olympics with her. I'm gunna keep posting cause I love the idea of turning all of booktok on her lore and getting a million people to root for them so I can see them at freaking SKAM 🤨. The conversation between influencer and audience is just hella interesting. And I hope I'm towing the line okay!

[aachria]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH hi how are you!

I was rereading SSSBMTY for like the 10th time and Ive been dying to know that if Robin is really the only one who knows that Ed died somehow because bestie told her- but like did Robin take that seriously?? Did Robin hear “oh yeah I was the only one who died teehee” and took it in a “mental death” or a “physical death” way. If she took it in a mental perspective which I guess makes the most since does Robin realize the implications of Ed “dying” and somewhere in her head is super worried for Ed?

Some people in the story know about the “Buster Call” that TOTALLY (didn’t) happened but we’ve only really seen Robin, Zoro and Nami question it… I guess kinda Law with him comparing a Robin and Ed but not intense questioning. and now that Ed has done their screaming match with Kidd does Kidd and/or Killer have any suspicions of what they actually meant by being so connected to death???

AHHH ED YOUR KILLING ME NO PUN INTENDED?! I like death metaphors if you cannot tell- I want to squeeze you to get this information out.. is everyone just not questioning Ed’s weird background and possible death that they haven’t been super secret about?!?!

I wrote this while having a brain freeze bc of a smoothie

Reading SSSBMTY 10 times is crazy I hope you know that. I love you but I hope you know that.

When they're all on the Tower of Law Robin makes it clear she took it very metaphorical, like she interpreted that as Ed intentionally viewing the person they were before the 'Buster Call' as someone who was dead and gone and not who they were anymore. Honestly I think Robin took that and what Ed said after about them both belonging to the crew as Ed somehow just being better adjusted than her, which is fucking hilarious if you think about it.

I've always had the thought floating around that because Luffy got mad at Nami way back at the beginning when she tried to ask Ed about it she took that as 'no one ever ask Ed anything EVER' and has just instilled that idea whenever they get a new crewmate lmao. Like she sits them down and goes "Ok so Ed is weird and has terrible things in their past but Do Not Ask Questions if you think the dramatic violin music will start playing, ok?" even if that's Not the Case.

That isn't confirmed canon I'm just putting that out there. You gotta wait and see if I write that into the story lmao.

Tbh Zoro doesn't give a shit about whatever happened to Ed because he thinks they've got — if not a good handle on it — at least a decent ability to see help/comfort when they need to. His ass has seen them cope worse with things that actively happen around them then whatever was going on with the 'Buster call,' and is content to leave it alone unless Ed directly asks him for help. (Which is also very funny if you think about Ed's 'if you ask I will tell you EVERYTHING' policy.)

Now with Kid and Killer it's more so they have no idea what is up with this weird little guy but it seems like they've got some, uh, ISSUES with the people around them or they themselves being hurt/killed by someone with a dream and no regard for casualties. Wonder how that will develop if they hear about the 'Buster Call' thing or any other weird rumor they might have accidentally sent floating around.

Overall Ed speaks in weird backwards metaphors enough there's a chance no one has ever taken a single word they've said at face value, so.... yeah.

I hope your brain is ok xoxo

[jewish-microwave-laser]

tomorrow is pride (which, yk, already sucks in and of itself that it has to be on shabbat) and this is the most nervous i've ever been for a pride event. i'm dressing up as a star trek character and wearing my roommate's gay jewish pride flag as a cape and a trans flag kippah. i've never been bothered by homophobes (i actually like to make a game out of distracting them with questions long enough they forget to yell slurs at most of the pride parade), but i am absolutely nervous about antisemitism from fellow attendees. just a year ago, pride was the happiest place i've ever been, i was overwhelmed with the feeling of freedom to be myself that's very important to me, especially in kentucky. (the difference between red state queers and blue state queers is palpable in a way i think a lot of blue state queers don't understand, but that's for another post. but here the resilience of pride is something stronger, more immediate, and the vibes are just intensely Different.) but now, that feeling of inherent camaraderie i've had with my fellow queers has been replaced with the same anxiety i used to feel about interacting with homophobes and transphobes. now instead of this automatic feeling of familial connection, communal celebration, instant connection, there's just the potential for someone to be hateful towards me. queer spaces have been turned into a waiting game

of course, in the spirit of pride, i'm not responding to this fear and threat by hiding my jewishness. in fact the opposite, i would have been happy just wearing my kippah (and not tzitzis bc i won't be wearing a shirt lmao) if it weren't for the dyke marches that banned flags that show the magen david, or more nebulously just the antisemitism that's happened in queer spaces these past few months. besides, i'll have my 90 lbs service dog with me for a lot of it (tho i'll probably leave him home once he's tired), and i've never had anyone try to mess with me when he's at my side

i'm scared, and that's okay. i'm jewish, trans, queer, a bear, a leather wearer, a puppy player, a cripple, an ill person, a tranny, a faggot, and i'm scared, and i'm proud. and nobody's going to take that away from me, not even people who i used to consider my family

[eerna]

so glad to WHINE ABOUT TPT.

it should have been wren pov, I agree it seemed like there was a more interesting story going on on her side! And your theory it got rewritten for more jurdan makes sense … also so fucking stupid it’s third person - is there some asinine publishing rule going on? I know readers like to self insert these days, maybe the publisher was worried bc oak is male/a love interest? dumb. dumb.

why didn’t vivi come to the engagement feast? wren had such a hang up on what Vivi said about her, I wanted that resolved (and I just wanted Vivi in general!!!!) wren meeting her human family off screen without a mention of how it went fuckin SUCKED. at absolutely no point was I convinced she should be staying in the house of her abusers being a ruler for people she didn’t know instead of returning to her REAL family. and she didn’t even bond w oak’s family either.

I also enjoyed the dialogue in the garden scene so much, but without wren’s pov it felt out of nowhere or even like she was using sex as self harm. she is so deeply self loathing and so convinced oak will move on for her, so her propositioning him feels like she was trying to rip off the bandaid and get him done with her faster. again, I have to assume because the last time we heard her thoughts was when she would DO that kind of thing. if she’s had this great character growth we don’t fuckin know!!!!!

I had fun but it was also such a disappointment and wren deserves better

Welcome welcome to the whine party~

YEAHHHH presumably it was single POV for the mystery of why Wren is acting so weird, but imo it didn't work. It was so so so painfully obvious and the plot twist didn't twist, so why not just give her the POV. As for the third person, all the Cardan POV content we ever got was also in third person, so maybe HB just doesn't want to write her male leads from first person? The self insert thing occurred to me too, but Wren is one of the least self-insert-able characters I've ever read in YA, and she too had the first person, so idk honestly. Maybe someone who has more experience with HB's novels could figure it out.

I WAS WAITING FOR VIVI THE ENTIRE TIMEEEE like out of all of Oak's family, she was the one who hurt Wren the worst. So where was she!! She lives in the human world, fine, but she was there for Oak's official heir party, so why not for his engagement??? Heather would have Never missed it in a million years. The lack of content regarding Wren connecting to either of the families was sooooooooo bleh, since we KNOW that being a part of one is incredibly important for her and she desperately wants to be accepted by both Oak's big dramatic yet loving family and her own human one. Her returning to the Court of Teeth makes no sense, she only has the worst memories of the place, and it doesn't even EXIST as a ruling body anymore.

SAME on the garden scene! Like you said, it sounded like the Wren from TSH, who used his interest (which she perceived as customary and short-term) as a way to punish herself and treat herself as someone undeserving of proper love. Okay, it's because of the Endless Hunger of her magic, but it's strange to never deal with her pretty unhealthy views of her sexuality. IF ANYTHING, in the final chapter she STILL thinks she is too much and needs too much and won't be able to function properly in a relationship, and we just,,,, never get closure,,, Oak is just like "don't worry" and she's like "ok" and that's it. Head in my hands. This was a romance focused duology and somehow Wren didn't even get her proper closure on that.

Literally my takeaway. Fun. Disappointing. Wren my baby you deserved more.

[agustdiv1ne]

wait so this is really random but like... how do you stay so un-delulu when writing for them? like last night i cried myself to sleep bc i cant date one of them, and i think its less abt them the person themselves and more abt the fact that i havent found anyone to date

ok i USED TO be rly delusional so i get you i fear...i've been single my entire life tbh, and while i've gone on dates here and there i've realized that i'm really content just being alone? it took a lot of growing up on my part to get to this point hdjsj,, i think finding love in other places (friends, family, especially within myself) has really helped me, and while i'd love to date someone and experience that genuine romantic connection that is always advertised to us, it's also not as big of a priority for me right now when i'm chasing what i want in my career and making genuine, non-romantic connections that are just as fulfilling

i also acknowledge that we don't personally know these kpop idols and whatever they show us is merely what they want us to see. the image they show is, naturally, a good one. they're marketed as stand-in boyfriends (and girlfriends), and companies tend to prey on fans' feelings surrounding that. i started listening to kpop/hardcore stanning groups when i was 12. since i was so young and vulnerable and craving romantic love, i was thrown headfirst into delusional-parasocial-relationship land and didn't even realize it until later...i definitely had to do some dismantling of that mindset as i grew up because i realized placing all of my desires in an unattainable idea of a person wasn't healthy. don't get me wrong, i'm still very much attracted to idols — like of course i am lmao, or i wouldn't be writing fanfics about them — but writing about them is more so an outlet to express the general romantic/sexual desires i feel than actually imagining myself being their gf

overall i'd say the path to un-delulu is more of a personal journey that you have to figure out yourself, but please take my opinion with a grain of salt because i'm an engineering major and not a psychology major lol, i know nothing about these things

[golbrocklovely]

Your respond made me question if those “fans” will ever accept Sam’s new partner that is not Katrina (or Colby lol). The way i see it even Malia was more welcomed than Katelyn (although both of them had a cold start). I think nowadays i see more people loving Malia and actually accepting her, than hating on her. Thing that I fear Kateyn would not be ale to achieve if she stayed. And my only reason for that it’s because people felt too attached to Katrina, even people who supposedly “hated her” or claimed she is “using Sam” got used to her just being there and being Sam’s gf that i fear they will never let that go (especially that if i am not wrong Katrina is still single) and every other Sam’s new gf will be compared to Katrina and hated by the fandom, because for them “Katrina and Sam are clearly MADE for each other 😣”. I mean some people still act like she is Sam’s gf or like she is meant to come back, because “it’s her place”. So in that matter i kinda pity Sam.

i mean… that's kinda how i feel tbh lol

(another ramble session from me, sorry in advance)

the sam and kat thing is very odd to me, especially when you see fans say "he'll never do better than her". first and foremost, i get being upset that they ended, sure. but saying that sounds gross to me for some reason. like i think you can lift up kat and say she's gonna have a good life without him and will eventually find love without saying that he somehow is never gonna be happy again. that type of behavior and thought process is so childish. it's not like he was abusive, he broke up with her bc he just couldn't marry her and making her wait even longer would have been worse for their relationship.

while it's clear they aren't on the best of terms anymore, i think hating him (or her, bc god knows she gets hate too) is just weird. you don't have to hate either of them. their relationship didn't end in flames or bc they hate each other. you don't have to make it a versus all the time. there is no winner in this outcome.

as for katelyn and malia… the issue is messy. personally, i think both girls got the short end of the stick. they both got a crazy amount of hate (and malia still does) and i expected part of that to happen eventually when colby got a gf, but i think bc kat wasn't with sam anymore, it became like a shit storm instantly since it wasn't just colby getting a gf.

katelyn had so many lies spread about her in relation to kat it's not even funny. ppl were claiming they were friends before and thus she took sam from her (not true at all. they did possibly follow one another before hand, but their only connection was tess, who wasn't exactly bffls with kat). ppl claimed katelyn talked badly about kat, even tho all the clips i've seen have been not even remotely noteworthy, let alone something to throw hate at her for. i kinda think the reason why katelyn got a lot of hate is bc, as i've said countless times before on here, this fandom has an inability to critique sam. they will do everything in their power to not give him hell even tho they do it all the time to colby. so i weirdly think that bc this fandom couldn't be mad at sam for moving on too quickly from kat or for seemingly """replacing""" her, they chose katelyn to take their anger out on. but even that eventually wore itself thin and for the first time, i actually saw ppl genuinely hate on sam the same way they do colby. which was both refreshing and depressing all at the same time lol

i also think katelyn is just weird enough to be annoying to a lot of ppl, and bc of that, immediately she sucks. i obviously don't feel that way about her, but i can get why some wouldn't love her. in addition, i think she tried a bit too hard to be liked in this fandom and that drove ppl nuts. and she introduced colby to malia, which means she was public enemy #1 for a lot ppl. i mean, i literally heard someone full on dox her during a space on twitter and then call her a whore just bc she's dating sam. while the fandom wasn't in love with kat the moment they met her, they never went this far.

as for malia, i've seen some truly heinous shit said about her. like i'm talking fake dms with nudes (that obviously weren't hers), cheating allegations, fans making fun of her filler and boob job, fans calling her a whore and a slut for merely wanting to show off her body, she has no personality (even tho we've never even heard her speak so…. explain how you just know that), colby chose her over shea (which is just not true at all), the list goes on and on. i think the hate for her has calmed down a lot bc i think 1, she never tries to talk to fans except the occasional reply on a TikTok comment. i honestly think her not trying to befriend the fandom has worked out for her a lot more than katelyn's attempt at being our bestie. and 2, i think that bc colby shows her off (in a way that sam never did katelyn) we can see that colby is happy with malia. unless you're a hater; then bc they pose too much in pictures or *checks notes* never smile with one another that means they are faking it.

i do feel for sam, in a way, too. the thing is, i think out of the two of them, sam is the one that will speak up against the fandom, and he needs to do that. he needs to tell fans to chill the fuck out when it comes to his future significant others. like we cannot have a repeat next time he dates someone. it's just not gonna work out. but i also feel as if snc aren't gonna do that. i love them dearly, and idk who is in their ear telling them to do this (whether it be management or themselves) but them not sticking up for themselves or their gfs rubs me the wrong way. bc that's how you get a fandom like this that thinks hating on their gfs/themselves for a year straight is somehow okay. and god knows if i was dating one of them long term and they were just telling me to ignore the hate or not use an entire social media platform bc that's were a majority the hate was on… i would be going nuclear lol

like, it's either you tell your fans to calm down or i do. and since they ain't my fans, i don't have to be nice to them. so… pick your poison.

[lunicho]

Saw this on another blog and wanted to send it to you too ☺️

Pick any 5 moots and describe them using 3 words! <3

ooh this is so cute, i love when ppl ask me to talk abt my moots cuz i love bragging about them!! the hard part is picking 5 moots to do this with hmm

@adoresol - passionate, honest, and devoted. i have actually been good friends with her for a good like four years now i think omg so there's many words to describe her but i think these are the best ones for now. she feels deeply and is very genuine in her emotions which is something i admire about her. she's also extremely honest, i love this about her because if i ask her something she'll be straight up with me. she's also very devoted bc like why is she still my friend LMAOOO she's so loyal and just like!?!?!?!?!?!??! my pookie wookie bear fr, i've told her so much cheesy corny shit abt how i feel abt our friendship so i'll spare y'all

@kissohee - its so hard to describe her with just three words! but i would say chaotic, lovable, and genuine. i never feel stress when talking to her and we've grown comfortable with one another quite quickly. i think we just have had this connection from the beginning and she just made me so so comfortable. she's also so loveable like im gonna hold her hand fr she's so cute. and she's so genuine, i always feel that she means everything that she says and it makes me even more comfy with her. she's also just like me we're both so random and we both talk a lot so its the perfect pace for me. the convos are always so fast like idk if ppl would be able to keep up with us and how much we switch topics LMAO but yeah! i hope that we just get closer and closer in the future and that she's always happy <3 (also open-minded would be a rlly good one for her but only her and i know why and that's the way its gonna stay LMAO)

@sminiac - saiii!!! i never include her in my moots posts so i wanted to this time :3! i'm gonna say kind, inviting, and adorable. she's literally so so kind, everytime i send smth or interact with her she's like "my dearest bunny!" AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY SO SO HAPPY!! she's always so sweet to me and like idk smth abt her is just so adorable. plus her blog rn is so adorable i love the layout. i do still get anxious to send too much stuff and things like that but ur so so welcoming and inviting that ik im always welcome but im scared to be annoying LMAOGDJ. i hope we can yap more and more abt 8turn tgt and just chat some more!!

@bubblegyu00 - energetic, humorous, and chatty,, our convos are extremely fast paced and go on for the entire day. i'm always laughing at smth or we're always losing it over smth someone did (usually a zb1 member or nicho tbh). she's energetic and keeps up with my pace and i do the same with hers. she also makes me laugh which is why i said she's humorous. we're always going on and on abt the same 3 things yet we never get tired of it like its gonna eat every single time PLS. BUT YEAH she's super fun, her nonnie to friend storyline is very very iconic and i love that for her. can't wait to keep screaming about kyungmin over and over <33

@xhdream - we've started to talk in the dms now and dinna's such a sweet girlie :(. i would describe her as easy-going, charming, and friendly. dinna's sooo so cute and always so sweet to me and she has been since the beginning. talking to her has been so fun so far cuz she's very approachable and she engages in the conversation so so much. our time difference is very big so we have to catch each other at a specific time but it's worth it everytime. there's just something about her that's so fun and so kind and that's why i said she's charming. her and her blog just have this good and sweet energy that i really really enjoy <3

[aurcls]

HSHQTASK059: FAREWELL !

i know i already yapped in the admin post but let me continue <3

1: when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

i joined in 2015 as a high school freshman, jfc ! i don't think there was anything major going on, the rp was very much a rich kids rp so the drama was chill and petty; entertaining but not that deep. one thing that made me join ( aside from my obsession with royals ) was the fact that phoebe tonkin - THE most popular fc at the time - was up for grabs. i thought it was meant to be !

2: which characters have you written over the years ?

errrmmm... merjem/kalla, olivier, livia, florencio, alexander, anneli, lixun, nicole, maryam, blazej, definitely some other characters whose names and existence i cannot remember

3: what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

i think this is just nostalgia but i think olivier-viggo-armani-lykke-anton-etc era was my fave. artistically it's very hollow but i think the lightness of it all makes it my favourite. i also sort of view it as a testament of my own naivety and youth. i'm not saying i'm old now but i'm not 17 without a single worry. back then ( because i wasn't busy and i could sat in front of my computer for hours ) the plots moved quickly and the threads were really fun to follow. there weren't that many characters so everyone was, in a way, forced to write with each other so the plotlines were very interactive. i appreciate the organic way things evolved. ( i do have a soft spot for annexei but i think it's mainly bc i admire alexei's characterization so much and elisa's ability to depict depression )

4: what about other people's plotlines ?

i was insanely invested in the zulu conflict of 2020. it had so many moving parts and i think if it had only gotten a chance to evolve even further, it would have been on a whole new level <3

5: who is your favourite character from the ones you've played ? why ? what made you love them ? what made them so fun to write ?

i think nicole or olivier. nicole's plotline was so well defined that it was fun to write her. i loved her relationships and it was interesting to write someone older. i think she's a character i could write a book about but she wasn't the best for an rp setting ? getting a chance to be involved in the english drama was wonderful ! olivier on the other hand... i think he's just a fave because he lets me connect to the old days ? when rp was a top priority and everything was exciting and fun. i don't want this to sound like it isn't that anymore but times were different back then and i don't think it ever felt the same after maybe high school graduation ?

6: if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

i think the finale of the english plotline maybe ? or the insanity of the lawn chair thing. possibly the rise of olykke too <3 but honestly i would like to experience all of it again, as cliche as it sounds. i will very think of the nights i stayed up until 4 or 5 am just to write/read the dash. waiting for a reply was such an addictive feeling and idk where i'll find my replacement for it. it really breaks my heart and makes me feel very old to realize that i don't know if i'll experience the excitement again. those sleep-deprived nights were some of my best. i've said "it's just rp" a million times but honestly, rping itself is such an experience and i'm glad i've gotten to get the best version of it.

7: is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

i think i'd improve the kalla era's germany. i didn't do much with it.

8: what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

i would have loved to finish aurel x araya story, i mean i can probably still accomplish that but nbskdgbjs there were big plans for the slovakians and it's a shame we never got to write it out on the dash. i think i would have enjoyed writing the inner struggle of blazej. he had a lot of potential but alas, it could not be !

9: what is your favourite ooc memory ?

i have two that stick out but my trip with serre ? we were on my sister's couch writing the stupid lawn chair saga and i think it was the first time in a long time that i had that much fun writing ! the second one would be me visiting evy because it was a surreal experience and i have to admit i was so socially awkward that evy's family probably thinks i'm weird nfgbkdsgbj i just think it's amazing that those two meetings could happen ? prior to hshq, i hadn't really believed in online friendships, everyone felt just too remote ! a special mention goes to this crackthread thing we wrote: link just a random memory though: i remember when we did those feedback surveys. we sorta forgot them but they were so important at that one point. other funny thing is our old adminooc blog. snapchat replaced it and then some years later discord replaced snapchat. we should bring the admin snapchat back btw @armanicatherina & @barbiebraganca

10: where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

i'll be on discord !!! you can find me on the hshq server ( which we aren't deleting if i can have a say ;) )

11: what else would you like to say ?

i said a lot in the admin post but i actually had to "keep it short" so here i will say so many things that you wish i had edited this. for me rping has been an amazing way to connect with other people, learn about people through writing and to experience emotions that i wouldn't otherwise. some of the words i've read here have managed to capture thoughts that i hadn't been able to put into words and it's been amazing to see how differently people think but also how alike some feelings among different people are. i often try to wrap my head around the fact that this group's been going for eight amazing years. i've gone through a lot in those eight years and the existence of this group has brought me a lot of joy. i am sad to let go of it and i guess i'm in a bit of denial because i keep thinking that 1x1 rping exists and y'know... even if a group doesn't exist, threads can still happen. when i think about hshq and the plotlines i've read and written, one thing really sticks out to me and it's the way we shifted from a p basic rich kids rp into something intricate and sophisticated ( yes, we had a drug related nye event and we've had a fair share of petty fights ). the range of emotions people have been able to write and the psychological work they've done to write a convincing and very realistic humans is something everyone can be proud of. i don't know if i look like a sadist but i was most impressed by the depictions of sadness, guilt and self-loathing. in my opinion it's not easy to write a piece of sad prose without it being a bit melodramatic. aside from hshq's longevity, the most amazing thing has to be everyone's willingness to get involved. the plot drops that i wrote wouldn't have happened without your input and when it got too tough for me to write them myself, y'all stepped up and continued the plotdrops with your newsposts. as an admin, it's been so so so so so awesome that we've been able to put some responsibilities on the members and have you guys perform better than well. i think we did something unique here and i'm so proud of us as a group!!!! i wish i could flex about this irl because hshq's history and way of working is something extraordinary. i really wish i could properly put my love for hshq into words. i don't know how to express its meaning and influence in my life. i feel like it has helped me to improve my writing but more importantly it has taught me a thing of two about empathy <3 i really hope we'll stay in touch and if anyone comes to europe, or more spesifically finland, don't be afraid to message me bc i'd love to meet up !