#i was v young so it wasn't very well-written ^^"

[jedisupernova]

old school love with choi seunghyun

notes minors dni contains fem reader, non idol au, seunghyun and reader are in their early twenties, always written with plus size reader in mind as i am myself but anyone can read, takes place in the late 2000s (hence the mention of specific phones, references to certain media, songs linked throughout, and party culture,) awkward yet cute first meeting, this very much slice of life, slight angst (a silly misunderstanding during the meet cute, reader brings up insecurities from not being experienced), tooth rotting fluff, a few appearances from jiyong because yes!, mentions of smoking and drinking, reader is inexperienced (never been kissed, never been confessed to; seunghyun is her first love), reader has strict parents which leads to seunghyun and reader having to sneak around, seunghyun and reader are down bad, smut (over the phone, in the car, oral f receiving, dirty talk, foreplay, p in v), and some inevitable typos.

requested? no, this is an original idea! this was initially inspired by the mention of old school love in this song by zayn. i've always heard of the concept, and this is my take on it, told through vignettes of gentle young love. please request something if you'd like, and don't hesitate to check my pinned post. i love this man tenderly. please tell me you see the vision. enjoy!

new year's eve 2007. there's still three hours to midnight, and seunghyun's wondering why he chose to wear a hoodie with long sleeves underneath to a crowded house party. luckily he's got his own corner of the compact living room, standing between two friends he hitched a ride with there—his third being the host—so he aptly distracted himself from how hot it was with their banter as best he could, laughing into his red solo cup before taking a swig of whatever concoction his friend mixed for him in the kitchen earlier tonight. he hid his soured expression over the taste well, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve. seunghyun remembers asking for a rum and coke, and he can definitely taste the latter ... but he'd know his enemy smirnoff anywhere ... it was way too stuffy to move, so he humbly took the loss.

"there you fuckin' are!" seunghyun looked up to see jiyong, the one hosting who already looked as if the night had taken its toll. "holy shit, man. i've been looking everywhere for you guys!" seunghyun had to squint to hear him over the loud music. the fact there wasn't much lighting besides a few lamps and multi-colored rotating disco party lights didn't help either. "c'mon. she just got here—in the kitchen." jiyong motioned his head to the left, the trio following him into the crowd. the kitchen was much more well lit and slightly less congested, but seunghyun nonetheless had to put his weight against the fridge to grant enough room to stand comfortably. he offered a polite grin and wave to the friend group mainly comprised of women his age in front of him, the one in the middle introduced as jiyong's girlfriend. you were closest to the counter, the left of everyone, cracking open a hard seltzer you picked from the cooler stationed beside the sink. you grimaced after taking a sip, bringing the can to your eyes to see the flavor that wronged you: lime. "christ, that's horrible." you shook your head, expression soured.

seunghyun didn't overhear, because he was too busy looking over his shoulder in amazement upon hearing one of his suggestions for the party mixtape blare throughout the house. reverting his attention back with a smug grin on his face, his eyes fluttered past you tugging at the collar of your sweater, pulling at it repeatedly for what looked to be air flow. seunghyun wondered if the party felt like an oven to you, too, and if you overdressed like him, because he started fanning himself without realizing.

an hour later, he couldn't take it anymore. "be right back, i'm going out for a smoke." he told a friend sat beside him on the couch. he could not have cared less that it was below freezing outside, or that the leftovers from the snow storm three weeks ago had probably frozen over into patches of black ice littering the deck—he needed to cool off. he closed the sliding door with a relieved huff, the party now muffled. the feet of his sneakers crunched against the snow, hands pushing his hood off his head, fingers brushing through his sweaty hair. "holy shit." he muttered to himself, pulling his sleeves up to his elbows. seunghyun could see his breath when he exhaled, and goosebumps rose along his bare arms, but as far as he was concerned, he would stay out here to ring in the new year if it meant he wouldn't have to suffer a heatstroke inside. he walked to a spot behind the wooden railing framing the entirety of the deck, his hand reaching into his pocket for his marlboros. he took out a cigarette, hanging it between his lips, searching for his lighter next. it was then he looked up and saw you standing at your own spot along the railing some feet away, having looked over your shoulder to see who else had come outside.

it was too late to ignore, or act like you didn't see each other, so he did the favor of making things less awkward. or trying to, as any twenty-something year old hopes: seunghyun took the unlit cigarette out of his mouth. "hi," he spoke uncharacteristically quietly. "you're—" thank the universe he remembered her name, because the irrational nerves over making conversation were mounting quickly. "—friend, right?" you nodded. "you're jiyong's?" you asked. he smiled, nodding too. "i'm seunghyun. we met earlier, in the kitchen?" his tone asked if you remembered, his hand gesturing to the sliding door. "yes!" you responded a bit more enthusiastically than you intended to in your head, internally cringing. "i remember, i remember." you said, nodding. you didn't know what else to do. seunghyun must've felt the same, because he nodded at nothing.

you looked away from him, feeling flustered. he mimicked, hands balled up in his pockets. "you—" he cleared his throat. "you liking the party?" "hm?" you didn't expect him to continue the conversation. "yeah!" here you went again, sounding animated to the point that even he, a complete stranger, could tell you were over-compensating. "i mean," you let out a breath, shrugging your shoulders. "its okay. i don't really go to parties often, so i guess i could say i misjudged how hot it'd be to show up in a sweater with a thermal underneath." seunghyun exhaled through his nose, an upside down grin tugging at his lips. "i know." he agreed. "hot as shit in there, bro." you chuckled. "hot as shit indeed."

silence brewed. seunghyun didn't turn away, so you took it as your turn to fill the air. you pulled out the only card you had (bringing up a mutual friend,) even if he'd done so already: "how long have you—" the sudden dryness of your throat was certainly a sign from the universe to shut up, but it was too late to cut yourself off completely. you swallowed, continuing: "how long have you known jiyong?" "since we were kids. middle school, i think." seunghyun doesn't know why he implied he didn't know, because he certainly did. he also wondered why he nodded, again, at nothing. who boldfaced lied when they said your preteen years were the most awkward? because he wanted to curl into a ball right the fuck now. he was usually fine at making small talk, what was the difference now? why couldn't he stop nodding?? "how about you?" oh, great. now his voice was a noticeable octave higher, clearing his throat.

you knew what he meant. "we met each other our freshman year. she was in my first year seminar, and we kind of just clicked." "you go to school around here?" "mhm," you nodded. "the university that everyone we know goes to, it feels like." you quipped, making that upside down grin appear on his face again. "how about you?" "the community college that no one goes to." he answered, voice back to normal. "but i'm in the middle of transferring there, funnily enough." then ushered in another characteristically young adult conversation: your studies. it was standard and harmless. even so, you came across a different reason to break a sweat despite the bitter cold beginning to numb your cheeks, or the sharp, quick breaths through your periodically chattering teeth. seunghyun took a step closer to you in the midst telling an anecdote about the last exam he had before the holiday break, inadvertently putting himself in your direct line of view. you realized not only oh, wow. he's pretty tall, to yourself, lifting your head a little to look at him, but also oh, wow. he's pretty cute, when your eyes met. or when he continued looking at you, because he finished saying his piece some seconds ago, yet you hadn't said anything. the fleeting silence only made you become more flustered, really coming to terms with just how fine he is; all clashing with how you have no idea how to talk to someone this attractive.

"yeah, that sounds fucked up." you attempted to mask the fact that you did not process a word of what he just said with a chuckle, gaze lowering momentarily to your hands, tugging at your sleeves to shield them from the cold, or just to do something. the words felt foreign in your mouth—your inner monologue making you feel like you were trying too hard—though you weren't allergic to profanity whatsoever. seunghyun smirked to himself, his own gaze falling to the snowy deck, until you spoke: "i had, like, three exams all in one day—the day before break." you said, glancing up at him before chickening out, reverting back to your hands which were completely engulfed by your knit sweater. your thumb poked out of the sleeve, nail picking at a fraying thread. "i guess i'm still feeling the repercussions of it." the volume of your voice dwindled somewhat coupled your shy grin, your shoulders shrugging, looking up at him. even through his chuckle with a smile making the corners of his eyes kiss, or his affirming "its brutal. i get that.," you mentally berated yourself: holy shit, is that the best i can do? just continue talking about school? get yourself together!

the next bout of silence lasted for at most ten seconds, but with how you were scrambling, it felt like years; working against an invisible timer. unbeknownst to him, this was seunghyun's turn to look at you. the only word coming to mind was sweet. he was smart enough to put two-and-two together as to why you were, admittedly, visibly nervous as he's had a girlfriend before. he wasn't the type to use that to inflate his ego, but found it charming nonetheless. seeing the curvature of your cheeks when you looked down made his heart soften—his lips molding into that damn knowing grin—and it could've very well been the minute gust of wind, but the glint in your eyes when you looked at him, nodding politely ... he was a little taken aback. you were devastatingly adorable.

your eye caught the cigarette in his hand. "you smoke?" you blurted out without an iota of a thought, so quick that your tone was almost bland—a moment where the subconscious beat rationale. oh my god. you momentarily closed your eyes, shocked at yourself. are you kidding me? seunghyun held in a laugh, trying his best to wipe his smile off his face when you opened your eyes. you mistook it as a sign of second-hand embarrassment. "oh my god. i'm so sorry, i don't know why i said—" "—it's okay, you're good." seunghyun shook his head as further affirmation, waving his free hand. he had completely forgotten he was still holding the cigarette, anyway. "but, yeah. i do. sometimes." his face started to feel warm. not because he felt shamed, or belittled, or judged, but because he caught sight of your eyes again. he could've sworn they'd grown in the last fifteen seconds. "d—do you?" he suddenly became very aware of how deep his voice is. "my voice has always sounded like this." he explained, gesturing to his throat. he knew he was being irrational, but like you before, it was too late to cut himself off. "i'm not like—uh—dying, or anything." he brushed off with an animated chuckle.

you felt like the worst person in the world. the nervous smile on your face didn't move a millimeter. "i don't." you shook your head. "and it's okay! i didn't mean to—i like your voice." your eyes widened. seunghyun raised his eyebrows. "you do?" he couldn't hide his smile. he returned the boldness, even if yours was a slip of the mouth. "i like your face." he meant it. there isn't a timeline out there where that wouldn't be the truth. your surprised expression made him exhale through his nose, an admiring grin on his face. oh, he wanted you. flashes ran through his head: squishing what looked to be the softest cheeks in the world between his palms, pulling you close to his chest to help you warm up; pressing his cheek against yours as a makeshift heater since you've truly made him that flustered, and how you'd react upon him calling you "my girl." sure, he was moving a little quickly, considering he's just realized he never asked for your name, but that's what just crushes do. seunghyun could not help the dream-like state he entered, placing his hand on the railing, the unlit cigarette slipping from his fingers, lost in the grass below. you, on the other hand, were speechless. never before have you ever been flirted with—this was flirting, right? like, you weren't misreading anything, or making shit up? "you ... you do?"

before seunghyun could answer, the sliding door opened, the ruckus of the party no longer blocked out. "seunghyun!" it was jiyong. "it's thirty minutes 'til the ball drop. i need help setting up the champagne." jiyong saw you, nearly cowering at seunghyun's scathing look reading are you fucking serious? "m-my bad, you guys." jiyong laughed awkwardly, putting a hand up in surrender. "seunghyun, just come in whenever." the door closed, leaving you two alone again. you were sheepish out of your goddamn mind, unable to look at seunghyun, content with the fact that your eyes may just stay on the deck forever. "i meant it, by the way." you looked up. "hm?" "i like your face." seunghyun repeated. your full smile that appeared ... his knees might have buckled. "oh," a giggle left your lips. yeah, he was a goner. "thank you. i ... i like your face, too." your voice was gentle. it felt indescribable, flirting back. you weren't sure if you were doing it right, considering you were suddenly really interested in the shape of your pointer finger's nail bed right about now, thwarting this fire-pit of feelings in your chest ... to be desired, chatted up, or pursued like this ... by a fine ass man nonetheless ... after being sidelined for your whole life, watching your friends experience something you wanted so badly too. oh my goodness—maybe your friends weren't just trying to make you feel better when they told you ad nauseam that it comes when you least expect it. because out of everything, and you mean everything you expected to happen tonight, this wasn't even in the realm of the realm of the utmost realm of possibilities.

you warded off wanting to hold his hand by interlacing your fingers together. seunghyun couldn't stop the stupidly big smile stretching across his face if he tried. "cool," he said, nodding. "that's .... that's cool." his hand came up, scratching the back of his neck. "listen, i .. uh—" he gestured to the door. "i gotta go back inside and help jiyong with the—with the champagne. could i get your number? i'll call you tomorrow, if that's okay with you." "yes!" your heart stammered over how he smiled so big his eyes smiled with him. seunghyun gave you his nokia flip phone, letting you type your number in. "call yourself so you can have my number, too." said seunghyun, pulling his sleeves back down. you did so, satisfied hearing your phone ring, pulling it out of your pocket to end the call. "i never got your name." he said, putting his phone back into his pocket. when you told him, he didn't stop his inner monologue from adding his surname. call it a random impulsive thought or whatever, but he was being serious. "i'll see you inside?" he asked, halfway through walking to the door. "mhm!" you responded. "see you inside." seunghyun smiled, disappearing back into the party. you missed his fine ass already . . .

so there you were, the next evening, repeatedly glancing at your phone. you felt fine for a majority of the day; sleeping in after coming home late the night previous, treating your hovering hangover with plentiful amounts of water and falling asleep yet again, but within the first hour of fellowship of the ring (it was your first time in recent years defying your self-made new year's tradition), and hurriedly bringing your phone within eyesight if it did so much as beep. you wondered if seunghyun would actually call . . . it all seemed too good to be true . . . and you hoped that he'd just magically show up, looking over your shoulder and out the living room window for his car (did he even have one?) and walk up to your door (he hasn't the faintest clue where you live) with a bouquet of roses (he doesn't know they're your favorites. well, at least not yet) to profess his undying love to you (working on that too. the to do list is in your head). so when your phone rang after dinner, your hair still very much wet from your shower; the towel having just been thrown behind your desk chair, you momentarily froze. you grabbed your phone from your desk, confused by the unknown number. but then you recognized the area code as your own, realising that in the midst of your yearning, you completely forgot to save his number.

you pressed the answer button, bringing your phone to your ear. "hello?" "hey!" my goodness, it wasn't too good to be true. "happy new year! i wasn't able to find you after the ball dropped. so, yeah. here's me wishing you." he descended into a short, slightly nervous chuckle. he was looking for me!? oh my god!? "happy new year," you said back, closing your bedroom door. "you were looking for me? i left at around two, i think. how about you?" "five, maybe." seunghyun dodged the other question, his face already feeling warm not even a full minute in. "jiyong needed help cleaning up, and kicking people out." "five!?" you exclaimed, sitting on the edge of your bed. "and here i was, fighting sleep all day, whereas you sound unscathed." seunghyun laughed heartily. "i slept in until, like, two today. so i wouldn't say i was completely unaffected." "that's fair." you nodded, despite him not being able to see.

"how about you, hm?" he asked, voice smooth and low, even over the grainy audio. "did you sleep good?" "i did. better than usual." seunghyun smirked, fingers toying with the drawstring cords of his sweatpants. "how about you?" he heard your sweet voice ask. "i slept good, too. knowing i'd be talking to you the next day." you hid your eyes behind your palm, elbow resting atop your thigh. how you were able to get words out, you had no idea. "seunghyun," he could hear that on a loop for the rest of his life and he would die a happy man. "you can't just say shit like that." "why not?" the gentle, yet teasing lilt to his words made you feel dizzy. it was as if the universe finally aligned in your favor. what he would do to see the look on your face right now . . . "what? have you never been flirted with, or something?" he quipped playfully without much thought. "i haven't, no." you answered truthfully. "but you still can't say shit like that, seunghyun. i need a warning or something. it's like my mind stops working." you chuckled, pressing your phone to your ear like its the last thing you'll ever do.

seunghyun's eyebrows flinched in and out of a furrow. "no one's ever flirted with you? what do you mean?" the question aired out before thinking. the realised insensitivity of his words coupled with the unintended belittling tone made him backtrack almost immediately: "that was low of me to say. i'm sorry, that's my bad completely." he shook his head completely. "it's okay!" you shook your head, too. "you didn't know. it's fine." you took a breath. "but if we're being honest . . . no. i've never done anything like that before. i'm more used to seeing it happen to other people than experiencing it, if that makes sense." "it does." seunghyun was quick to affirm, nodding whilst he listening to your words carefully. "yeah," your palm slid up and down your thigh, subconsciously trying to self-sooth. "so . . . last night, when we were talking . . . i thought you were making fun of me. or pulling my leg. but then i realised my brain just wasn't letting me accept that . . . oh, this guy might think i'm cute, too." "i do. i do think that." seunghyun sat up in his bed, determined. "i would never do that. i'm not that type of guy. i don't know who you've met, or made you feel like this, but know i'm not like that."

there was a brief moment of silence from your end of the call. "are you sure you're not just saying that to me to be nice?" "of course not." he said sincerely, tone soft. "of course i'm not saying it to be nice. i mean it. i'll be honest, when i met you last night, you have some of the most kissable cheeks i've ever fucking seen." he pulled his legs up to sit criss-cross. this was serious to him. "how about when you casually mentioned you won an award for a policy paper you wrote about education? i didn't know i'd be at the same party as the future president." "oh my god!" you laughed, face feeling as if it was ablaze. "you're crazy." "look, people have decided to miss out on you, but i won't. are you free on friday? no—scratch that, we're on break until next week. are you free tomorrow?"

for the first time in your life, you didn't feel the need to convince yourself you were worthy of romance, because the universe rooted for you, too. "i am. all day." you said. "i'll take you to dinner. do you want to see a movie?" "i like them, yeah. but . . . i mean, i was watching fellowship of the ring earlier today." just say it. he's right there, on the other side of the line. just say it. ". . . but, i like talking to you. i'd—" you cleared your throat. "i'd rather do that then wait two hours to—uh—do so, if that makes sense." your palm started soothing your thigh again. seunghyun had the stupidest smile on his face. he refrained from hiding his head underneath his pillow. "but we can watch a movie! next time! if that's . . . if that's what you want!" your eyes closed in defeat, hiding your face from no one. "oh god, i'm digging myself into a hole here. i have no idea how to do this." "you're doing really well." said seunghyun. "enough to make my face feel like i have the highest fever ever." "you too." you responded sheepishly. "we'll finish fellowship of the ring on our second date. it's my favorite after return of the king, anyway." you hit the jackpot. "okay," you responded, how fucking sweet you sounded made his heart palpitate. "sounds good, seunghyun. i can't wait."

three months later, you beginning to feel those love songs you've heard all your life were onto something. something you come to terms with would pass you by as a way to cope—but here he was now, bending down onto his knee in the middle of a busy bookstore to tie your shoelace; buying the cds of your favorite artists that you mention either intentionally or off-the-cuff, downloading them to his ipod to listen in between lectures, doing coursework, or storing them into his cd wallet in the center console of his car to listen on his way to pick you up; or spending a lot of his time kissing those precious cheeks ("you're so sweet, you know that? so pretty, too." "seunghyun . . ." "see, that's what i mean.") he's a very smooth talker, doting, and affectionate. primarily because he cannot get enough of the look on your face whenever he makes a move, but also because you breath more life into him when he does so. to seunghyun's fault, however, he can get a little ahead of himself, and forget how shy you can be. so when the tension had been brewing throughout the entirety of your third date, you two sat in bashful silence in his car, him parked some feet away from your house. the music had since been lowered; one of the many cds he's bought since you started dating. seunghyun leaned over the center console towards you, only to retract somewhat when he heard a small gasp. "i'm sorry," he said. "did i—was that too quick?" "no, no. it's okay." you nodded in reassurance. "i just . . . i've just never kissed anyone before. sorry, i know that probably sounds really annoying by now." your hands were in your lap, thumb running over your knuckles to thwart the warmth traveling up your neck.

seunghyun shook his head. "its not. i told you its not." he said sincerely. its true, he has told you that it is and will never be a problem. how he giggles over the phone and presses kisses onto the back of your hand whenever he holds it serves as testament, but that voice in your head can be a bit louder. "i want to." you tell him, eyes meeting with his. seunghyun looked so fine it was almost offensive; his grown out black hair and choppy bangs messily framing his face albeit with effortless charm. he's told you he thinks it makes him look weird, hence how often he wears beanies and puts his hood up, but the moment you muttered "i think it makes you look really handsome," over the phone two nights ago, he showed up tonight letting it breath no problem. "but i don't know how." you told him, shaking your head. "its okay, baby," seunghyun reassured tenderly. it was the first time he called you that pet name, but he didn't think twice as it felt akin to natural instinct to call you that. you, on the other hand, were struggling to keep it together in the passenger's seat. i only have so much strength as a woman . . . you thought to yourself.

"we'll take it slow. just close your eyes and take a breath for me, okay? the rest'll come naturally. i promise." "okay." you nodded, trusting him. seunghyun leaned in again. you saw his eyes glance at your lips before returning to yours, your lids darkening your vision only when his nose brushed against yours. his lips were soft and wet as he had licked them before kissing you. yours were so fucking warm against seunghyun's, making him want to kiss you all the more harder, but he steadied himself, reconnecting gently. the side of his nose nestled against yours. "how was that?" he whispered. the cd had finished playing, so the car was quiet besides you and him. "good." you whispered back. "how did i . . . how did i do?" "good," he nodded, glancing at your lips again. "just . . . try kissing me back. don't think about it," your felt his hair tickle your forehead as he shook his head. "i know you'll be good."

to his delight, you were the one that closed the small gap between you. the kiss was so soft, almost nurturing; all the more intoxicating. you reconnected the kiss, pressing your lips onto his in a way that made his arms feel like tv static. "a little softer." he murmured, half-talking to you, but more-so to himself to come down. seunghyun went to kiss you again, but his lips landed on the corner of your opened mouth. "i-i'm sorry." "no, no. it's okay, baby," he tutted softly. christ, that fucking voice of his was going to end you one day. "come here. come here, baby." he got your lips back on his, but you broke it again, obscenely flustered. your heartbeat was in your temples, your palms sweaty in your lap. "seunghyun," you pleaded in that voice he would go to fucking war for. "you can't just call me that." "i can, and i will." he said. "now, come here, baby."

his hand reached over, holding both of yours beneath his palm. you brought a hand up to his jaw when he kissed you, feeling him hum against your lips in encouragement. seunghyun tilted his head a little to the left, deepening the kiss but not by too much, monitoring your reaction. his muscles relaxed upon feeling your exhale through your nose brush along his cheeks. the kiss ceased after a few moments by you once again, only this time to catch your breath. he rested his forehead against yours, breathless himself. "you're really good at this." he said, heartbeat stuttering when he heard your quiet "thank you." seunghyun blurted out this next question without much thought or reason, since he imagined the moment where he asked this to be more romantic, but he simply could not hold himself back: "can i—can i be your boyfriend?"

"yes, yes you can." you responded. both of your hands now held either side of his face, feeling his hand squeeze your thigh a little. "you can be my boyfriend, seunghyun." a grin tugged at the corner of his lips. "i'll—i'll get you flowers and card, and ask you more properly next time." "its okay, its fine." you nodded against his forehead. your thumb traced his bottom lip, "just kiss me right now. i—i need—" you did not need to tell him twice. seunghyun reunited your lips, hand gripping your thigh when your fingers slipped into his hair.

even though you were well over the appropriate age to start dating, you just knew your parents would freak out if they knew you were running around with a boy. you didn't even think to employ the thought; it just wasn't an option. it would be something about distracting yourself from your studies (your grades were nowhere near subpar), or moving too quickly (hey! you're in college, by the way), or being subject to the ongoing mass, unreasonable hysteria over teen pregnancy perpetuated by national news editorials and shitty reality shows, making parents believe by standing near the opposite sex their daughters will somehow be with child (again, you're in your twenties and in college, and its also not your fault parents around the country treat mtv like its the second coming of the satanic panic of the eighties)—so you saved yourself the trouble. seunghyun understood wholeheartedly and took no issue with it, but that doesn't mean he didn't dare go against the grain.

a week before your two month anniversary, your ringtone rang, slightly muffled atop your duvet. you got up from your desk chair, leaving your coursework behind and walked to your bed, clicking the green call button. "hi seunghyun," your voice was soft. "everything okay?" "hey baby," he said. "i'm good, i'm good." he stuffed his free hand into the pocket of his puffer jacket, shivering. "how was your day, hm? i missed you." "fine," you answered, keeping your phone to your ear by raising your shoulder, flipping your textbook to the next chapter you needed to read to complete an assignment. "just a lot of work to do. you know how sundays are. i missed you, too." "i know, baby." his hand left his pocket, using the side of his thumb to wipe his nose. "you know, i'm happy to hear that you missed me, because i'm outside." you raised your head, alarmed, eyebrows knit in confusion. "what do you mean you're outside?" "i mean that i'm outside." "outside where?" "your window." his laugh was masked with a cough. "shit—it's really cold out here, baby." he muttered, looking around at the street lamps, his car parked some distance away. your room was on the lower floor of your family's home; the window on the side of the house and had some height to it, but not enough to ward off seunghyun's idea. so here he was, acting on it.

you hurriedly closed your bedroom door. "are you crazy!?" you whispered. "it's freezing outside! how long have you been out there?" "about ten minutes," seunghyun's tone was calm, as if it was just another day. "there isn't that much distance between your house and the street, but it took a while because i had to avoid the frozen over snow." "you're insane." you muttered. he smiled even wider. "let me see you, baby. c'mon. i miss you." you hung up the call. seunghyun watched the window before him, his upside down grin showing proudly when the curtains opened, revealing you. the snow crunched crisply underneath his feet, walking up when you unlocked and opened the window. "you're utterly insane," you said, resting your elbows on the windowsill, hearing him laugh. "its almost midnight. we both have class early tomorrow, and my parents could wake up at any moment!" you voice descended into a loud whisper. seunghyun waved his hand dismissively. "what did i tell you the other night? i'll drive you. you don't need to take the bus anymore." he spoke quietly, understanding the circumstance, even if he enjoyed teasing you. "you know what else you did the other night that you could've done now? call me." you retorted, but it was really hard to act upset. "you don't like my gesture?" he asked, not hiding his knowing smirk. "i'm saying you saw me two days ago, and you're seeing me every day before our anniversary." "i'd see you every hour in between, if i could."

you didn't have anything smart to say, so you succumbed to your flustered state. seunghyun, looking so princely in his puffer jacket with no beanie in sight, the distant cast of your nightside table lamp weakly illuminating his slightly reddened cheeks from the bitter cold, stepped closer. "give me a kiss and i'll go, baby. just needed to see you." your knees nestled onto the carpeted floors, your torso leaning out the window. seunghyun grabbed onto the ledge, hoisting himself onto the tips of his toes. it was enough for his head to be leveled with your bedroom, but not for long as his eyes fluttered closed to the feeling of your palms holding his face, bringing your lips to his in a tender, sweet kiss. his chin brushed against the ledge, tightening his grip when he re-connected the kiss, feeling his mouth thaw from the cold and ignoring how his under arms were beginning to burn. "can't last twelve hours without you." he murmured against your lips. "learn to." you whispered, kissing him back. "don't wanna." seunghyun took a quick breath when you kissed him one last time, the soft squeak of your lips parting making him feel light-headed.

he watched you in a daze when you returned to resting your elbows against the windowsill; you were as beautiful as a deity, so effortless with your allure. a content smile appeared on his face, eyes twinkling. "thank you, baby." his voice was smooth, turning his head to kiss your palm upon your fingers fixing his hair. he slowly let go of the ledge, paying no mind to how his palms ached. he glanced below him, "i'm sure if i bring a step stool big enough, it'll be no problem next time—" "—next time?" seunghyun looked up. "what? you don't want there to be a next time?" he asked, that goddamn teasing lilt in his voice. "i . . . i do." you spoke so sweetly, he thought he could muster the strength to jump inside. "but at least tell me ahead of time so you won't freeze to near fucking death."

seunghyun kept his word, because the night after your anniversary, he was back outside your window equipped with a step stool. thus began your very risky sneaking around: his arrival at your window at around 10 pm (or thirty minutes later if you went on a date, giving you enough time to return home without suspicion over where you've been, shower, and get ready for bed; either way, he was waiting for your signal of opening the curtains), speed walking to your window after locking his car, step stool in the other hand, climbing into your room after you opened your window, and settling beside you in bed. you spoke in the quietest of whispers, giggled into each other's shoulders, and shared delicate kisses. other times, you brought out your portable dvd player, snuggling into his chest whilst his arms wrapped around you. "my baby. my beautiful girl." he murmured into your supple skin before planting kisses on your forehead, laying his head atop yours. you two read the subtitles in peaceful silence—not daring to raise the volume—either fighting sleep or keeping awake with each other's lips.

he usually left at around one, but one night on the cusp of four months together, both of you fell asleep. you stirred awake, feeling the dvd player lodged uncomfortably underneath your thigh, gradually turning onto your side. seunghyun was in sound slumber, breaths coming in quiet, but curt whistles. your room wasn't completely dark, squinting at the lamp you forgot to turn off next to your bedside digital clock. you jolted awake upon seeing the time: 4:17 AM. "oh my god—" you murmured to yourself, yanking the duvet off of you and getting up in a panic. you turned to seunghyun's sleeping state in utmost dread, remembering he's a deep sleeper, and its a battle to wake him up. "fuck!" you whispered. you tried to think of something, lifting to the duvet further, spotting his ipod and wired headphones. you grabbed it, seeing it there was still half charge. you turned seunghyun's head upright, lodging the headphones in his ears. you scrolled through his library briefly, turning the dial to amp up the volume. "i'm sorry." you whispered apologetically, clicking play.

he stirred awake, sitting up on his elbows, headphones falling out of his ears. "whhaa—" "seunghyun? seunghyun, baby? its four in the morning." you whispered. he slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. "its four am?" he mumbled, voice riddled with slumber, sounding lower than usual. "yes, baby," you whispered, the bed dipping next to him as you sat. "we fell asleep. i—i don't think my parents came in. but you have to go home." "i know. i know, baby." seunghyun mumbled, pushing the duvet off his jeans. "just—just give me a moment." "thank you." your hand lay on his cheek, bringing the closer one to your lips. seunghyun puckered his lips, still lost in his lingering sleep, humming lowly in satisfaction when he felt your chaste kiss. he climbed out of bed, leaving his ipod behind, stuffing his feet into his shoes by the window. you unlocked it, hearing him yawn, his palm covering his mouth. "i'll come back at ten." he told you, more awake than before. "okay." you spoke softly, entering his usual embrace, your arms wrapping around one another. "i'll see you then. call me when you get home." "i will, my beautiful girl." his breath was hot against your temple—your height only barely reaching his shoulder—pressing a kiss onto your skin before you lifted your head, bringing your lips to his. his thumb kept your chin in place, kissing you back. "i love you, baby." "i love you too, seunghyunie." with that, he climbed out of your window. he grabbed the step stool, walking to his car. the sunrise peered over your neighborhood, only to be shunned out with the closing of your window and drapes. it wasn't until you tucked the dvd player and his ipod away in your nightside drawer did you realize . . . wait . . . we just said i love you.

weekends are typically reserved for dates which largely consist of getting coffee, taking the train into the city to visit museums (and seunghyun nudging his forehead into your temple shyly whenever you lock your arm with his), or passing time walking throughout the mall; looking through various shops and boutiques with your hand in his (and him keeping his gaze on the kay jewelers for a little longer than he intended), sitting next to you as opposed to across during dinner, and ending the night by making out in the backseat of his car. your hand on his cheek, his on your thigh; tongues in fair play. you broke the kiss to look at the small analog clock on his dashboard, biting your bottom lip when his lips found their usual spot on your neck, barely hiding your whimper. "fuck." he muttered, moving to the other side of your neck. his hands rested on either of your hips, humming in content upon feeling your fingers find his hair. "s-seunghyun," you fought to keep your eyes open. "it's 11:10. i have to go inside." "your parents can wait five more minutes." he said. the feeling of his voice vibrating against your skin made your eyes roll back, thighs rubbing together. a small gasp reverberated through the car when seunghyun started running his tongue repeatedly over a spot of your warm skin, sucking and popping off of it. "i really have to go inside—" "—at least let me finish this, baby. the last one healed too quickly." "o-okay," you let out a shaky breath, holding the back of his head, letting your eyes flutter closed. "don't make it too big." "i won't."

sundays were spent at the university library. you two are in your own worlds, sharing a spacious table with various pieces of coursework, required readings, and notebooks sprawled out in a way that only makes sense to your respective minds—seunghyun with his hood up, wired headphones in and reading glasses on. your pen cap between your teeth whilst you read the third of five passages for an upcoming essay you had due; back and forth between taking notes and highlighting lines. you didn't study together much during the week since your lectures did not align most days. but on the mornings where it did, neither of you having classes until the afternoon, seunghyun came over no matter the time he slept or if he was there the night previous, but neither of you studied. he meant it when he said he would spend every hour with you if he could, because he wakes up early just to be with you. it doesn't matter if its to fall right back asleep in your bed after your parents left for work at nine, he was there.

his personal favorites were early saturday afternoons (bonus points if you were going to a party later that night): him laying on top of you, his temple against your chest, taking a nap. he would fall asleep to the sound of you turning the pages of your book, coupled with the steady rise and fall of your chest. by the sound of his quiet snores, you started to feel sleepy by proxy. you would give in after nearly dropping the paperback book on his head, putting it aside on your bedside table. your hand reached down your side for his hand, fishing it out of the warm duvet to set an hour timer on his watch. you brought the pads of his fingers to your lips, kissing them softly before nestling in for your own nap, holding your baby close to you.

you loved and trusted each other to the point of peaceful co-existence. you and seunghyun were alone in the house one saturday evening; him in your room, you in the bathroom down the hall. you were going to a mutual friend's party to dually celebrate both her birthday and the end of finals week that night. your bedroom door was wide open, seunghyun overhearing the rustling of your makeup bag as his eyes looked through your shelf of cds. songs in a minor, alicia keys .... everyone else is doing it, so why can't we?, the cranberries .... b'day, beyoncé .... parachutes, coldplay .... his copy of pink floyd's dark side of the moon that he lent you a couple weeks ago .... grace, jeff buckley .... until he came across the miseducation of lauryn hill towards the front of the shelf, carefully pulling it out and opening the case. he placed the cd in your player on the shelf below, closing the lid and pressing play. he skipped to track 4, lowering the volume to have it blend seamlessly into the background, feeling content.

"seunghyun?" "yeah, baby?" he called back. he turned around, seeing you at the doorway, holding two eyeliner pencils in your hand. "which one: black or dark brown?" he walked over, taking the pencils from your hands, looking them over his palm. "hm. . ." he pondered with genuine thought. "this one is metallic," you pointed to the dark brown liner. "so it has a little shine to it." "i remember," seunghyun nodded. "you wore this one when we went for brunch a couple weeks ago. it looked really pretty." "thank you." you said quietly, glancing down at the carpet. you still felt flustered receiving his compliments, even nearly half a year into your relationship. "so the brown liner, then?" "mhm." "okay. thank you, my love." your hands reached up to his face, bringing him in for a quick kiss. "anything for you, my beautiful girl." said seunghyun, placing purposeful kisses onto your temple and cheek.

you took the liners from him, your sweet laughter ringing in his ears as his arms made residence around your waist, pulling you close to him. your arms took in his shoulders, giggling at the ticklish feeling of his lips kissing a part of your exposed shoulder from the loose collar of your shirt. "my beautiful, beautiful girl." he murmured into your soft skin, kissing your lips once more. you loved how clingy he could be . . . though he would look like a deer in headlights, melting into a puddle of his own pride if it was pointed out. he loved being called seunghyunie. better yet, add "my" in front of that, and he'll have to take laps around the room. he's buried his head into your neck on many nights he snuck over, or even in his own bed, hiding his bashful state with incoherent mutterings of anything from "i'm going to go into heart failure early in my life" to "you make me lose all reason, and i love it."

you kissed him back, feeling his tongue collide with yours. seunghyun went in again, but you parted your lips, turning your head as a smile stretched across your face, his lips finding the corner of your mouth. "you're my big baby." you said sweetly, looking up at him. "my big, tall baby, seunghyunie. how's that, hm?" you erupted into a fit of giggles when seunghyun's forehead fell against your temple—a tell-tale sign that you hit the right bashful nerve—that, as far as seunghyun was concerned, sounded a whole lot like wedding bells. "baby . . ." he elongated his last syllable, voice so low it took a moment to understand. "see? you're already living up to the name." you said. your arms slid off the back of his shoulders, hands resting atop them as best they could whilst you held the liners, briefly standing on your toes to kiss his lips. "i have to go get ready." seunghyun's arms left your waist, resting on your hips. "i like the nickname." he admitted in a murmur. "i know." you nodded. "and i love you, too." "i love you so much." seunghyun couldn't help himself, lips peppering kisses onto the supple skin of your cheek, planting a final one on your lips.

one thing about seunghyun is he loves parties, but none more than being able to show you off. so when he's sat on one of the stools lining the host's kitchen island, you stood between his legs, your arms wrapped around his shoulders as his are tenderly around your waist; hands traveling your lower back—he feels like the hottest shit because he's got the hottest fucking girl. he will unabashedly pepper sweet kisses onto your neck and cheek if you're talking to somebody, or press his cheek against yours as you people watch together from your spot in the kitchen; giggling amongst yourselves in a way that would make even a pessimist's heart begin to thaw. it tugs at his heartstrings even more-so when you find him later in the night after catching up with your friends, a little tipsy with your red solo cup in hand, making residence on his thigh. seunghyun carefully took the cup out of your hand after the drink sloshed around in the midst of your abrupt movement, setting it on the coffee table before his hands dotingly rubbed the side of your thigh, looking up at the love of his life. he's long past the point of caring when his friends are around seeing you squish his cheeks together, kissing the pout that forms on his lips with an extra loud "muah!" that can be heard in the few seconds between songs. he's actually the one pulling you into the small crowd of people dancing in the living room, swaying together to the music.

to seunghyun, he might have looked awkward dancing—but to anyone else who caught a glimpse either from squeezing their way through the crowd to get to the other side of the room, or if they just looked up: you and seunghyun looked smooth; complementary; on the same wavelength. it was one of those moments they would recall to your mini-me twenty years down the line, opening the anecdote with "i remember when your parents . . ." he brought his forehead to yours—earning him the flustered laugh he could get drunk on—bringing his lips to yours when you pulled him in by the rims of his beanie. you turned around afterward, pressing your ass against him, starting to dance again. seunghyun got the message. he followed your movements, arm wrapping around the front of your waist, leaning down to kiss your cheek upon feeling your hand reach back for his hair.

seunghyun played a large hand in improving your confidence, especially when it came to intimacy of any kind. you've come a long way from your posture stiffening when he put his arm around you in the movie theater; your ghost of a returned grip when he held your hand; or backing out mid-makeout on his couch because your face felt so hot, the movie paused and long-forgotten about, the dvd logo bouncing from one side of the tv to the other ("i-i'm sorry—" "—it's okay. come back here, you were doing so good.") it wasn't as if you were a brand new person, but he nurtured a different side of you to come out; honored he was the one deemed worthy enough to witness it. he fucking loved it when you were stood in your own corner at a party, feeling dizzy whenever yours hands traveled underneath the hem of his shirt and around his waist . . . holy fuck . . . and the way you kissed him afterward, so soft and slow, deliberate . . . you might as well make him a father right there.

the tension brewed over time. you may be learning things as you go, but you would be remised to not pick up on seunghyun's not-so-subtle ways. every time he readjusted his position in your bed, arms holding you, you felt his hand traveled just a little lower down your hip. his lips kissed your cheek before returning his attention to space documentary he picked up from blockbuster before sneaking over, reading the captions on the portable dvd player propped up atop the duvet. he thought he was being slick. but when the documentary inevitably ended, and you inevitably pulled him into your lips to make him stay longer, his hand slipped underneath, squeezing your right globe. he'll never forget your sharp inhale, or how hard you kissed him in return.

or when you were stood in line at the mall food court (yes, you read that correctly), his fingers holding yours. he was being so sweet and flirtatious, looking at you with an admiring grin whilst you read the menu. he went back and forth between laying his hoodie-clad head atop yours, kissing your cheek, or leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your lips. you saw in your periphery how he would stare and stare both longingly and knowingly. you didn't give in, until you couldn't hold it in anymore, failing horrendously at hiding your upside-down grin. "what?" you nudged his bicep with your shoulder, hearing him chuckle. "i'm just looking." he responded, voice smooth. you tsked, shaking your head. "you don't make any sense." his kiss to your temple brought your gaze back to him, looking up when he rested his forehead against yours. "that's because you take all of it from me." seunghyun lined the side of his nose with yours, bringing his lips to yours. he's done this countless times before, but it was how his lips lingered for a second or two that made all the difference . . . how they parted so slowly and deliberately . . . it made you think oh . . . this man may very well want me to have his baby! it wouldn't be far-fetched either, since on your four month anniversary, he told you he was ready to introduce you to his parents after your third date.

then came those saturday mornings . . . or mornings where neither of you had class until the afternoon . . . when you got up from bed, and he sees your shorts have ridden completely up your thighs in your sleep . . . how fucking delectable they look. your back is turned to him as you stretch your arms out and yawn, but seunghyun's stare is unabashed and hard. it starts as a sideways glance, like he doesn't want to get caught. but then he sees how they jiggle with every minute movement . . . he's enamored. he turns onto his side fully, studying how your cellulite adorns your skin so specifically . . . then his palms start to tingle, wanting to reach out and feel you in his hands. but all he does is cast his hand against your crisp bed sheets, wrinkled where you laid just moments ago. seunghyun then notices the slight sheen of your skin when you step into the sunlight pouring in from the window; the remnants of your moisturizer you apply before you sleep, he was sure. this is what makes his teeth rake against his bottom lip, quickly glancing up to see if you were still turned around, which you were. then came those imperfections he wanted so badly to kiss, to linger his tongue over: the small, translucent forever-bruise on the side of your left thigh that never healed; standing in a crowded train after spending the day with each other in the city, temporarily squished against the arm rest of a seat to make room for incoming passengers. your fucking tan line from your go-to denim shorts you wore during the summer jesus christ . . . and how some of your stomach spilled over your shorts, the thick curvature of your body akin to a fucking goddess's. what he would do to be trapped between them . . .

"i'll be right back." your voice took him out of his trance, seunghyun looking up to see you opening the bedroom door, walking to the bathroom down the hall. "okay, baby." his voice was gravely, clearing his throat afterward. seunghyun turned onto his back. he lifted the duvet, peeking underneath to see the bulge in his sweats. he let out a disbelieving huff, running his hands over his face. it's not even ten am yet. he thought to himself. it should be no surprise that when you came back into bed, his lips made residence on yours, hand slipping by your hip and grabbing your ass. seunghyun stopped periodically to place kisses on your chest, or moving the strap of your cami to trace the tip of his tongue along your stretch marks lining your shoulder before kissing them, too. "wanna try something new, baby." he murmured against your skin. "okay," you said, fingers brushing his hair back, watching as his lips returned to your chest. "what is it, seunghyun?" "wanna put these in my mouth—'nd taste you."

you nodded, hair rubbing against your pillowcase. "o-okay," your voice fell to a whisper, the birds chirping outside rivaling your volume. "go ahead, seunghyun." he lifted his head, kissing you. "tell me if it's too much, okay?" "i will." you said, kissing him. a shallow breath left your chest as his lips traveled down your chest. he's fondled your breasts before—in the backseat of his car, and when the portable dvd player is mere background noise, but nothing could have prepared him for now your left breast recoiled when he tugged that side of your cami down. it was so perky, so cute; happy to see him. he captured your areola in his mouth, running his warm tongue over it slowly. he's never heard you gasp like that before. "s—seunghyun!" you barely breathed, shuddering oxygen in and out. he quickly detached—"is it too much—" "—no, no! keep—keep going!" you whimpered, pushing the back of his head back down. he sucked with bliss, readjusting himself when you arched your back, his other hand kneading your right breast. he tugged that side of your cami down, showing that nipple less mercy than the other. "f-fuck!" you gasped, hand coming up to your mouth. "yes, yes! oh my god, seunghyun!" your body squirmed, thighs enclosing around his waist. he needed to move on. if he didn't, he was going to ruin his sweatpants.

he popped off of your hardened nipple gently, bringing his lips to yours. you latched onto him with needy fervor, kissing him quickly. "i'm gonna eat your pussy, okay baby?" he spoke against your lips. you whimpered into his mouth, eyebrows turning upward in desperation, hands holding onto the back of his shoulders. "gonna take care of you. tell me if you want to stop." "o—ngh!—okay." seunghyun pushed the duvet off the both of you, making his way down your body, leaving kisses in his wake. he stood on his knees as he pulled your shorts and underwear off, discarding them on his usual side of the bed. his hand slid down your left thigh, fingers running over that small bruise. he leaned down, pressing a kiss. he moved a couple of inches down the bed, settling his knees onto the carpeted floor, propping the upper-half of his body up with his elbows. you separated your legs. his tongue ran over his bottom lip, mouth watering.

he kissed the inner parts of your thighs, trailing where you needed him most. seunghyun wasted no time after that, plunging his tongue between your puffy folds. oh . . . you tasted good. the sensation was indescribable for you—a curt gasp all you could muster those first few seconds, palm covering your mouth as you devoured the unbelievable sight below you. your eyebrows were so deeply furrowed; a choked moan leaving your diaphragm as his tongue explored your divine essence. seunghyun separated your lips with his pointer and middle finger, trying to find that sweet bundle of nerves. he placed his tongue higher than before, taking note of your gasp. he pushed his head in deeper, knowing he was coming closer when your thighs brushed against his ears. seunghyun hit the jackpot when he pushed in a little deeper, arms quickly wrapping around your waist to keep you as still as he could when your body jolted, thighs closing in on him, effectively putting him in a still-moveable headlock. "o—oh m-my god—ngh! hngh!" you moaned helplessly. "s-seunghyun!" you cried, fingers disappearing into his hair, tugging. "feel good, baby? that feel good?" he asked quickly, voice muffled, not liking going mere seconds without you on his tongue. "y-yes! keep—keep—"

you couldn't finish your sentence, but he needed no further instruction. he nursed your clit unabashedly, his hand reaching up and kneading your right breast. "s-seunghyun, i'm gonna—i feel—" your breathing was heavy, eyes squeezed shut. "cum in my mouth." was all seunghyun said. your legs opened abruptly, back arching higher than before as your orgasm washed over your entire body. seunghyun kept working your clit, popping off of your sweet pussy through your delicate moans and mewls. he swallowed whatever you gave him, humming into you in satisfaction, relishing in how you breathily whined his name. he gradually latched off with tongue-led kisses, palming himself through his sweatpants. he left your pussy swiftly when he felt a wet patch, looking down to see that he, indeed, ruined his sweatpants.

then came a week later, when you made love for the first time at eleven am on a fucking tuesday morning. "breath for me." he told you gently, positioning his condom wrapped tip between your soft, puffy lips. "in," he inhaled through his nostrils, you mimicking. "and out." you exhaled together. he kissed your divine lips, hand coming up and holding your cheek. "my beautiful girl," he whispered. "i love you so much." "i love you too." your hands held the back of his neck, kissing him back. "this might hurt a little. we have all the time in the world. we'll take it easy." his lips pressed against your cheek, hearing your gentle "okay." he slowly pushed himself in, stopping halfway when you held tightly onto his shoulders. "f-fuck, ngh! it . . . it hurts." you whispered. "i know, i know baby." he low voice cooed, his hand holding your cheek, bringing the one closest to him to his lips. "keep going. slowly." "i will."

he thrusted slowly with half of his cock inside of you, listening to your every breath. "any better?" he whispered. he sucked in a tight breath, feeling how tight you are. "a . . . a little. try adding more each time." "anything for you." he kissed your temple, following your words. silence filled the room, nothing but the slight creak of your bed frame, shaky breaths, and rustling of the duvet against the linen. seunghyun's ears perked up when he heard a quiet moan, feeling your nails starting to dig into his bare shoulder. "s-seunghyun . . . m-more." "which one? faster or deeper, baby?" "deeper." you said, voice breathy. your eyebrows twitched as you were mostly adjusted, bottom lip captured between your teeth as he stretched you out. "mmf!" you yelped. "does—f-fuck—that feel g-good?" seunghyun was losing himself in you, struggling to keep his mind clear. "y-yes!" you moaned. "g-go faster, seunghyunie. p-please." "god fucking damn—f-fuck, baby!" he mewled, moaning into your ear. "you feel so fucking g-good, oh my god!" the rest of that morning was a haze of grunts, sweat, and chanting each other's names like prayers. to think you were in your intro to international democracies lecture not even four hours later was obscene.

neither of you trusted yourselves to keep quiet when he came over, but that doesn't mean you at least tried . . . albeit, over the phone. "you drive me fucking crazy, baby—fuck!" his phone fell from his ear, his free hand quickly grabbing it, his other showing little mercy to himself. you could hear the wet, slick sounds of his cock from your side of the line, your thighs trapping your wrist between your legs. "the—the way you—hngh!—l-looked at me from over your shoulder, the way you sounded when i fucked you from b-behind." he spoke into the phone lowly. "you looked so beautiful, and felt so f-fucking good. did it feel good baby, hm? did it feel good when i pounded that sweet pussy?" "s-seunghyun—" you sounded so delicate, so fragile. "i—ngh!—i n-need you so bad. i can't take it anymore." he heard your shaky gasp, sure you were close. "tell me, baby. i know you're close, i can hear it." he moaned hearing you whimper at his words, feeling the knot in his abdomen begin to unravel. "t-tell me—s-shit!—i-i'm, i'm close t-too. tell me, baby. you know you can tell your seunghyunie anything, right?"

when that wasn't enough (it never was), you took it to the backseat of his car. it was an unspoken rule; nonverbal pattern of events when he was to drop you home, but that something was in the air and could not go unaddressed—like the night of your friend's birthday party. he unlocked his trunk, folding the backseats forward to allow enough room for you to lay on your back. in your defense, you tried to keep quiet. you really did . . . considering it was well past one in the morning, your house was one measly block away, and your neighborhood was very much a quiet suburb. but the car was shaking, your toes pressed against the rear windshield, and his hand was slipping off the steaming window. if anyone walked by—universe help your neighbor that worked late shifts and walked his dog at this hour—a vague, passive aggressive memo in the neighborhood newsletter would certainly find you.

the torn condom wrapper fell between the seats, lost in a reach-less nook of the car as seunghyun fucked you deep and good. the sound was wet and mind-numbing, the heel of your left foot resting on his lower back whilst he pummeled you. "f-fuck! just like that, just like that!" you gasped, your moan sounding intoxicatingly needy, fingers rummaging aimlessly through his hair. seunghyun was a sweaty mess, his hair sticking to his forehead as he boiled in his long sleeve. but he could not have given less of a fuck. you felt fucking divine. he needed this, every last second, every last drop. your gummy walls and puffy lips were a blessing he would thank whatever higher force that existed out there for the rest of his life. "just like that? yeah?" he grunted, looking down at the scene, watching his cock disappear and reappear. "s-such f-fucking good pussy—fuck!"

there's a digital camera you both share (he bought it for you for your one year anniversary), housing the archive of your relationship. there's tons of photos on numerous sd cards: a photo of you two kissing in front of a mirror, the camera covering your mouths even after seunghyun's hilariously laborious attempts at angling it correctly, photos of you looking so effortlessly beautiful in your bed; elbow propped on your pillow, palm holding your cheek, the glow of the portable dvd player evident on your face, or one you took of him in his bed after you imitated his low laugh which made him laugh even harder, photos of seunghyun climbing through your window with a shy, unexpected smile on your face or looking cool driving his car, lots of photos with friends, and at parties; one in particular of him pretending to eat your cheek and your wide smile, drink in hand. he can hear your laughter whenever he looks at it.

several months after your two year anniversary, seunghyun found himself at the mall. he was free for the rest of the day whilst you were in for another two lectures. but, of course, he was picking you up for dinner that evening. he perused for your graduation gift; settling for a perfume, a book by your favorite author, and two cds of musicians you loved. like clockwork, his eyes found and stayed on kay jewelers. but unlike before, he walked in. he found the engagement rings with ease, even going as far as to tell the consultant that he was thinking about getting married. however, seunghyun didn't walk out with a ring. he figured well, we should graduate first . . . get jobs . . . move in together . . . and then talk about marriage. he's been locked in since your first kiss, but that's besides the point. but there's no harm in starting to save up for that ring, is there . . .

honey's taglist! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა: @gongyoosgf, @infinetlyforgotten

[star-whores-a-new-hoe]

The Comfort of Strangers //Padawan! Obi-Wan X Fem! Reader

A/N: Well...Hi! I haven't written in two years! I'll post a little update soon but I was INCREDIBLY horny inspired after seeing the Phantom Menace in theaters! Hope you enjoy this lil smutty Padawn Obi fic!

Summary: You and all of Queen Amidala's handmaidens are stuck on Tatooine waiting for Qui Gon to get the hyperdrive parts you need. With all the stress and anxiety of escaping Naboo, the good-looking Palawan stuck on the ship with you looks like a good distraction.

Warnings VERY IMPORTANT: I know Padme and her handmaidens are pretty young, but for the purposes of this story READER IS OVER 18!!!!! That being said, this fic contains, smut, kinda a hookup, using sex with a stranger as comfort, risk of being caught, P in V action, unprotected sex, pull-out method, handy, some finger-banging action, dirty talk, some implied Qui Gon x Reader x Obi-Wan action for a minute there oop, and probably some spelling and grammar mistakes!

Word Count: 2.8 K

With the whirlwind of events that was the invasion of Naboo, one would think that boredom would bring some welcome relief. They would be sorely mistaken. 

The rush of adrenaline that had flooded your veins as you and the other handmaidens frantically dressed sabé, hands, and hearts a flurry, before chasing you up the ramp of the starfighter with gunfire at your back had finally subsided. Now, with the monotonous heat of Tatooine creeping into the ship, there was nothing but dull numbness left. 

Padme had left over a day ago to experience this strange outer-rim world you all had landed on. That left the rest of you with nothing to do but worry. Senator Vancil regularly sent updates urging Queen Amidala to contact him. Each of his messages was more dire than the last. News of your people in camps, starving, dying, surrounded by those damned battle droids, those disgusting Numoidions watching gleefully from the high walls of the Theed palace. 

You could practically feel all of the handmaidens' hearts sink in tandem with each new update. That young Jedi, Obi-Wan, simply reminded the Queen, (or who he figured to be the queen) to send no reply. Had he no empathy?! Obviously, none of you were dumb enough to risk the safety of your mission, the safety of your people, in transmitting any kind of message but could he not for a moment let down his Jedi knight persona and give you all some grace?

Jedi learner actually, I suppose. You thought to yourself. Curled up in an out-of-the-way nook, the hood of your orange handmaiden dress hung limply down your back. Normally you were grateful for the thick velvet robes in space, but even with the ship's cooling systems still online it seemed that they were no match for Tatooine. The oppressive heat sat thickly in the stale air, leaving everyone on board anxious and irritable. 

You couldn't lie to yourself. Between your fear and anxiety, the sight of that young padawan was a welcome distraction. You were positive you weren't the only one who thought so, you had definitely caught your fellow handmaiden's eyes flick over him from under their hoods. There was just something about him. Maybe it was the cocky banter he had shared with his master, even in the flurry of battle, or maybe it was the way the collar of his Jedi robes opened just enough for you to want to see more. Or perhaps it was the way you could imagine tugging on that padawan braid as- 

“Oh, apologies, I didn't realize there was anyone back here.”

You start, ripped from your thoughts by the man himself. He stood, palm braced against the doorway to your little hideaway. He’d discarded his Jedi cloak, leaving him the tan robes. 

“Sorry,” You say sheepishly. “Just…taking a breather.” Truth be told, in a ship this size there wasn't much space for ‘breathers.’ There's a beat of awkward silence before he clears his throat. 

“I assumed you would be with your queen and fellow Handmaidens in the royal quarters.” You resist the urge to scoff. Little did he know your queen was off in the deserts of Tatooine. 

“I think we’re all just processing that last message from the senator. I just needed a moment to myself I guess.” He gives you a tight-lipped smile.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” He turns to walk away and you scramble for anything to keep the conversation going. 

“What’s it like being a Jedi?” You cringe at the question. He looks back over his shoulder at you. 

“Well, Padawan.” He corrects, sheepishly.

“Right, yes. What’s it like to be a Padawan?” He turned to face you full-on, crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorway. 

“It’s a life of service and peace.” He says simply. “I am devoted to the service of the Republic and the force.” You hum in response. 

“What’s it like being a handmaiden?” He asks, a teasing edge in his voice. From this angle, with you still curled up on the floor, he towers over you, looking down at you with a seductive smirk that makes your stomach do cartwheels. 

“It’s a life of service and peace.” You repeat. “I am devoted to my queen, my people, and my planet.” 

“My, my, sounds like we have quite a few similarities.” You crack a weak smile. 

“Why not take a seat?” You offer, motioning towards the cramped bit of floor in front of you. “I highly doubt you have anything better to do.” He raises an eyebrow at you before obliging. “You must live in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, right?” You ask as he squeezes into the cramped space, his knees knocking against yours. 

“Indeed, Coruscant has been my home for as long as I can remember.” 

“I've always wanted to see Coruscant. My family went when I was very small but I don’t remember it. I always meant to visit. I just never thought it would be under such…dire circumstances.” There's another beat of silence. 

“How are you and the others fairing?” You pause, debating your response. None of you had discussed it with each other. Your grief was so profound, deep, and shared in the way only sisters know. There had been no need to speak of it. But perhaps voicing it would help. 

“I think this is going to be the hardest part. At least I, we, were all doing something by escaping the planet, almost getting shot down. But this, just waiting… maker it’s eating me alive.” He nodded solemnly. 

“I understand.” 

“Do you?” It’s not meant to be a cruel question, but definitely a pointed one. “I thought Jedi didn't do emotions?” 

“Jedi don’t do attachments. We are encouraged to feel emotions, they bring us closer to the force, closer to all the living things around us.” Maker, you wanted him closer. 

A part of you hated yourself for wanting distraction, for seeing the first person in front of you, and wanting to find that special kind of escape and comfort. But a bigger part of you craved the young man in front of you, the release from this monotonous boredom and anxiety. 

“And what about…entanglements?” You purposefully tap your knee against his, letting a sultry gaze flood your eyes. He straightened slightly, his quizzical gaze raking you over. 

“Is that really what you want?” His question wasn't accusative or disgusted but genuinely curious, soft, and gentle. The seductive fire in your eyes dies down slightly. Your eyes flick down to the floor.

“Is that so bad?” It comes out barely louder than a whisper. A gentle hand lifts your chin till your gaze meets baby blue eyes, nearly the same shade as the lightsaber you watched him wield earlier. Oh how his hands had moved with such skill and grace, you couldn't help but imagine how those calloused, practiced hands would feel running over your body. Obi-wan smiled. 

“If that's what you feel, then it’s not bad at all.” Abruptly he pulled back, the sensation of him leaving your bubble had you feeling cold even in the burning ship. “Yes, Jedi are allowed to have entanglements.” 

“Oh.” you flash him a sly grin, confidence slowly seeping into you. “Good to know.” 

“Indeed.” His eyes bore into yours, the tension between the two of you was electric.

“Well if you ask me,” You say, placing a hand on his knee. “We have quite some time to kill before your Master gets back with the parts we need, don’t you think?” Obi-Wan’s hand came up to play with the hem of your skirt. 

“I’d be inclined to agree.” 

“Why don't we kill some time then? Hmm?” Obi-Wan’s face lights up in a devilish smirk as his hands glide up to your waist.

“Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me.” 

You lean forward, a soft smile on your lips that matches his before the young Jedi captures your mouth with his. It’s not the quick frantic touches one would expect of a hidden tryst. It’s soft and comforting like you both know you need the solace of another, the soothing touches of a lover not the hard and fast pace of a quick fuck. 

You sigh against him, melting into his touch. Your hands slide over the expanse of his broad chest up to rest on his shoulders. One of Obi-Wan’s hands slides up over your spine, sending shivers through your body before he tenderly cradles your neck. His tongue teases the seal of your lips and you gladly let him in, pulling yourself closer to him as his tongue explores your mouth. 

Pulling you fully into his lap, you can feel the bulge in his pants press against you. Simply the thought of it makes you wet. You grind your hips against him testingly and he hums his encouragement. One of Obi-Wan’s hands moves to your knee. Ever so delicately he slides his hand upwards over your thigh, the hem of your dress pulled ever upwards with his movements. His hand resting on the bare skin of your upper thigh, he gently moves you to grind against him again. 

As you rut against him, Obi-Wan’s lips leave yours to place open-mouthed kisses along your jaw, down the expanse of your neck, and over the limited bit of collarbone exposed by your dress. You expose your neck to him with a sigh, letting your head fall back into the reassuring weight of his hand cradling your head. 

This was it. What you so desperately needed. The reassuring touches of another that sent electric currents through your body. The safety of being held in someone's arms. Here, in this little nook with Obi-Wan, even if it was for just a moment, was paradise. 

Your hands sneak their way between the two of your bodies. Reaching for his hand that gripped the pillowy flesh of your thigh, you guide him to rest it on your breast. Taking the queue, Obi-Wan gives your tit a gentle squeeze, smoothing his thumb in little circles over the fabric right where he knows your nipple is. 

You practically whine at the sensation, grinding against him even harder. Your hand comes to rest on his crotch. 

“Help me take these off?” Your voice comes out much more sultry than you expected. He flashes you a smile that makes your heartache. 

“Why of course.” Together, you work him out of his trousers so that his erection stands tall and proud, a tiny bit of pre cum already beading at his tip. Your mouth waters at the sight. Without another thought, you spit in your hand before reaching down to grasp the base of him. He sighs at the contact and without missing a beat you begin to slowly move your hand over the length of him. 

“Is that alright?” You ask, his hands slowly wandering over your thighs, ever closer to where you crave him. 

“A-a little harder if you don't mind darling.” A part of you swoons at the pet name, and a bigger part of you smirks at making such a fine, confident man stutter. 

You oblige, squeezing a bit tighter as you work his length and Obi-Wan throws his head back in bliss. 

“Oh yes, just like that.” Seeing an opportunity in front of you, you lean forward to kiss his exposed neck, his padawan braid tickling your nose. A small blush creeps up his neck and over his cheeks as you continue to pleasure him with your hand. 

Obi-Wan’s wandering hands finally reach under the skirts of your dress, his fingers dragging along the center of you, feeling the wetness that undoubtedly stains your undergarments. 

“Oh my, all this for me?” He teases.

“Just shut up and touch me please.” You groan. Obi-wan places a sweet peak to your cheek.

“How could I say no to someone as lovely as you?” If you weren't flushed before that comment certainly did it. His hands push aside your drenched undergarment, letting two of his fingers leave teasing touches across you, never once letting them brush your aching clit. 

“If I’d known you'd be such a tease I would have approached that master of yours.” You tease. Obi-Wan scoffs. 

“I’m not a tease, you’re just impatient.” He replies slightly breathlessly. “Besides,” He adds finally drawing little circles in your clit. He leans in close to whisper in your ear. “You must be very naive to think Qui Gon Jinn wouldn't be a merciless fuck.” 

For a brief moment, the thought of both of them pleasuring you enters your mind. The older Jedi taking you from behind while he instructs his learner on how to fuck your throat. You’re pulled from your thoughts by Obi-Wan capturing your lips in a passionate kiss, rougher than the last, full of need and lust. 

“Obi-Wan,” You pant breathlessly, pulling away from his kiss. “Fuck me.” He groans, taking his cock in his hand to line it up against your entrance. You shimmy forward, knees on either side of him before sinking down. 

You both sigh in unison, inch after glorious inch fills you up, stretching you out perfectly. He’s barely inside of you before you start moving, grasping his shoulder to help lift yourself on and off his cock. He grasps your waist, helping you move as you work yourself open on him. 

the two of you build up a steady rhythm, it’s all you can do to bite your lip and keep from your moans of delight escaping the room. Obi-Wan hits a certain spot inside of you that sends a sudden gasp from your lips. His hand quickly reaches up to cover your mouth.

“Careful now, wouldn't want the other handmaidens hearing, would we?” You whine quietly in agreement. He smirks. “Think you can handle yourself without me keeping you quiet?” You nod eagerly. “That's what we like to hear.” He practically coos, his hand leaving your mouth to work at your clit, heightening your pleasure tenfold.  

Every stroke of his cock inside of you leaves you a bigger mess than the last. You grind against him desperately, hungry for every touch, every current of pleasure he sends through your body, every sensation that takes you further and further from the predicament you’re currently stuck in. Everything was building up, threatening to spill over at any second. 

“M-make, I won't last muc-ch longer.” Obi-Wan sighs. His movements on your clit are frantic, his thrusts sloppy like that of a man on the edge. “Please, need you to cum for me.” He practically begs. He slots his head between your neck and shoulder, his teeth nipping at your earlobe. “Need to feel you come around my cock.” 

He hits the perfect spot inside you as he whispers his filthy words in your ear, sending you right over the edge. Wave after wave of pleasure courses through your body, your cunt squeezing him like a vice, his ministrations on your clit never ceasing. 

“Oh yes, just like that.” He works you through your orgasm, not even ceasing as you slump against him. It’s only when you push his hand away from your overstimulated pussy that he ceases. Reluctantly, you move yourself off of his cock, taking him in your hand and watching with immense satisfaction as he falls apart, spilling his seed over your thighs. 

You both sigh, sweat beading both your brows and the air between you hot and heavy with a mixture of your previous actions and the stale Tatooine air. 

Swallowing dryly you break the silence. “Thank you.” 

“Sincerely my lady, the pleasure was all mine.” He nods to the evidence of such on your thighs which raises a chuckle from you. You produce a handkerchief from a tucked-away pocket and start cleaning his cum from your thighs. 

A content quite settles over the two of you as you tidy up, helping each other straighten your clothing. As you tuck Obi-Wan’s padawan braid behind his ear, the high-pitched beep of a comlink interprets the tender moment. 

“Obi-Wan, are you there?” His Master’s voice sounds through the device on Obi-Wan’s belt. He gives your hand a slight squeeze as he picks up the com with the other. 

“Yes Master, any luck acquiring the part for the hyperdrive?” 

“I'm afraid the situation has grown more...complicated.” Obi-Wan sighs. 

“Why do I sense that we’ve picked up yet another pathetic life form?” Obi-Wan casts you an apologetic glance as his master continues. Tucking your hair back into your hood, you give him a small smile and nod for him to go. With a soft smile of his own in return, he turns toward to cockpit, the comlink in his hand updating him on the situation. 

With a sigh, you turn and walk back toward the quarters where you know the others will be. The dull ache of the tragic events around you was still present, but somewhat subdued thankfully. Who knew you could find so much comfort in strangers? 

Taglist:@rentskenobi @mysteryofkokoro @highpriestessrebek @sarapixieelliott08 @princessxkenobi @dexthtoyounglings @book-hoardingdragon​ @cosmic-rich​ @laserbrains @hugmekenobi @penfullofwordsaheadfullofstories @profkenobi

[sweetestpopcorn]

Hello!! I know that aside from Daemon/Rhaenyra, you are a fan of Baelon/Alyssa. I just wanted to ask, what is your opinion on Viserra, or on the whole Viserra seducing Baelon after Alyssa’s death? Do you think Baelon might have been able to save Viserra from her fate if he had agreed to marry her (even if he didn’t love her)? What is your opinion on this pair?

Hi there :)

Yes, after Daemyra Baelon and Alyssa are definitely my favourite Targaryen couple.

About the rest of your ask, I don't think Viserra fans will like my answer, but I don't quite care for Viserra. I have talked about it in the past that I see Saera and Viserra as very shallow characters with almost nothing to them. They were written as mean girls and that's about it, besides being Targaryens and physically very attractive, I don't actually see any redeeming qualities in them.

Saera at least you could argue was sort of funny, in a heartless, sociopathic Cersei kind of way, and I did admire how she later on in life wanted nothing to do with Westeros or the Iron Throne saying she had her own kingdom was a cool moment. But regardless she was cruel, unnecessarily so (e.g., Tom the Turnip anyone?), and worse with someone much weaker than her which also makes her a sort of coward. Like I said she had many sociopathic traits, and her behaviour itself is very congruent with a sociopathic personality type.

Viserra is a bit better in that regard in the sense that she was not needlessly cruel to anyone weaker than her for fun, even if she poked fun at young men who lusted after her, sometimes in quite dangerous ways (e.g., when she dares them to put their heads inside a dragon's mouth, I think the prize was her V card if memory serves right). But like Saera is mean and cold for the sake of being mean and cold, Viserra is ambitious and cold for the sake of being ambitious and cold.

We are both shown and told she wanted power and to be queen and F feelings and all that, but we are never really given a proper reason as to why. I would guess that being child #10 in a very large family would make you starved for attention, likely importance as well, since her only selling point in that family was being the most beautiful of the sisters. It was (VERY) unlikely she would ever be queen, so maybe because of that it became an ambition of hers? There was also something arrogant about her because of her looks, thinking that that would be enough to just give her what she wanted without having to rely on anything else. In that sense she has no depth, what you see is pretty much what you get and neither is very good or particularly compelling.

So, no, I wouldn't want her to marry Baelon, nor for Baelon to be interested in her. In fact, I loved that he wasn't and that after she spoke in such a nasty way about the sister she thought herself so physically superior too that Baelon gave Viserra a cold hard dose of reality of he's Baelon Targaryen, not a failed Baelon like Tywin Lannister.

Sure that some people find love again in life, and I am all for it. But some people aren't like that, and I found a lot of beauty in that aspect of Baelon's character, of how devoted he remained to the memory of his lady with the mismatched eyes. I would have hated for that to be ruined, especially in the name of such an ambitious and empty character like Viserra. If he was to marry her, whatever the reason, he would not be Baelon because that was a central aspect to his character.

All this aside I did feel bad about how Viserra was treated by Alysanne, almost like she was the final boss Alysanne had to defeat. I think this is a great example at times of George's incongruence with how he writers characters in F&B. Pretty much their end is decided so he just does whatever he has to to get there, at times with little regard with what he previously established. Are we supposed to believe that the same Alysanne who still loved and wanted to forgive Saera, even defended her, would be so cold and mean to Viserra? Sorry, I don't find it the least bit believable. Like show us on the doll where Viserra touched you Alysanne. Regardless of her not deserving this or her cruel fate, I still don't really care about Viserra nor think she had any redeeming qualities.

And that is my take.

Thank you for coming to my Tumblr Ted Talk!

Much love to you <3

[yuseirra]

Commentary on Ai and Kamiki's character

I just can't shut up about them, can I? Since the new chapter will be dropping in just a few days from now (and I personally think there will be more reveals) this is probably going to be my last chance to discuss about them before things get clarified and set in stone once and for all (since we NEED to learn about just what HAS been going on about Ai's bf and his motives!! It's going to be shown to us in this final arc, right)

Here's how I feel about Ai/Kamiki as a character so far from all the things I've seen about them. Let's see how much of it will stand by the end of this manga(and/or the upcoming chapters)

I think they're well-written/would be well-written. I like how Ai's written for one thing, and Kamiki's past made a lot of sense to me, I think it can add on to something really interesting. I thought I got where it's going to get at.. that's why I've been drawing them so much since the latest chapter... hope I will be able to retain this interest and passion because having something to be excited and inspired about is a wonderful thing!

The following post was originally written in a different language and translated in bulk by ChatGPT! Thanks, ChatGPT..; you're a lifesaver

I wasn't meaning to translate these posts at first so that's why they weren't written in English but I feel it'd be such a waste to leave these.. I'd love to share it with everyone! 'v')9

There might be various changes when the next episode comes out... so if it's going to be uploaded, it seems right to do it now.

I'm writing a lot, like light writing (when I focus on something, I think about it a lot), and it might decrease or, depending on the situation, increase when the next episode comes out. There's nothing revealed yet, so I end up thinking a lot.

I think Ai is really a strong person. To survive in the entertainment industry, there must be so many things to think about. When I see that character, I think about those things. Although she has a soft side, she fundamentally seems like a character who lives really hard. Thinking about it, she was young herself, yet she protected her boyfriend and helped him escape from his abuser. She endured quite firmly under tremendous stress.

She's the type to bear everything alone... There are many things she endures, and in that situation, she worked hard to reach the top, and she wanted to be a good mother to her children. The most heartbreaking thing for me in this character's dialogue was when she said in her dying breath, "I wasn't a very good mother, but I still think it was good that I gave birth." That was so sad to me. I thought that was the saddest part. She had many thoughts. I noticed she thought she had to earn a lot to provide good education and conditions for her children. Middle school kids aren't necessarily shallow in thought, and while there's a range between people, I felt they were still serious and mature considering their age.

For a character like her, if she were in front of me, I would want to say that she's amazing and went through a lot of hardship. Before pointing out what she did wrong or lacked, I'd like to acknowledge that she lived with a lot of effort and loved those around her. Ai's efforts were not just for herself, but she had a rather humble character, and it seemed her motivation to strive was significantly for the happiness of those around her. Like when she wasn't sure if a dome concert was such a big deal but then thought it must be good since it was the president couple's dream, and she smiled along with them. For this character, what's important is resolving the curiosity about the lack in her heart, and achievements as an idol seemed secondary. That's why her saying she wanted to live with Kamiki and raise children together struck me, because for Ai, being an idol felt more like a means than an end. That doesn't mean she didn't try hard; she seemed like a responsible person who strives to meet expectations in her work.

Ai is a character who, through hard work, perseverance, and talent, eventually gets what she wants. Ai has a great curiosity and desire for areas she doesn't know well. She knows what she doesn't know but has the tenacity to not give up until the end. I think that's a strong aspect of her.

As for Kamiki, since it's unclear what his plans are at the current point in time (although I have a guess), if I were to describe the impression of him until just before he separated from Ai,

He's simply pitiful. He self-deprecatingly said that his relationship with Ai was one where he was unilaterally dependent on her. While he might have depended on her a lot, it seems Kamiki had to endure alone until the point they met. He grew up in such a broken situation that I don't even want to deeply think about what it must have been like... From what we see, it seems he wasn't just harmed by one person. Ai had President Ichigo at least worrying about her, and people to take care of her children when they were born, but Kamiki didn't seem to have a proper guardian at all. His exceptional looks might have made his situation even worse. He was just left alone in the world, and it wasn't just being alone, he had to endure all the malice and exploitation by himself.

You know how some adults appear in the movie arc, like Kaburagi and Kindaichi? This shows that the adults failed to protect the kids. The adults might have been busy with their own lives, but I don't think they can be entirely absolved of responsibility for the kids being in such situations.

Anyway, in that situation, Ai appeared to Kamiki, and I think Kamiki couldn't help but love Ai, who understood, accepted, and loved him more than anyone else. Ai also saved him. The fact that he sought help from someone only a year older than himself shows how vulnerable he was. It's just so heartbreaking. He must have liked Ai a lot... Fortunately, they connected emotionally, and Ai also liked him and wanted to help him. But Ai was powerless. Until just before she had her children, I think Ai tried her best in her own way. When Kamiki came to her, completely broken and crying, she took him in because she wanted to help him somehow.

But it’s sad that Ai couldn't even rely on her boyfriend... This really needs to be shown from Ai’s perspective too. She became Kamiki's emotional support, but it seems Kamiki couldn't do the same for her. However, I think Ai’s defensive nature also played a part... She absolutely didn't want to show weakness. She was a perfectionist. The others also played a part in this, as shown in the song IDOL. she was pressured by those around her to not forgive herself for not being perfect, so she couldn't let herself crumble or break down.

Still, Ai must have really liked her boyfriend. From the content of the video, it seems she was more worried about him getting better rather than feeling it was hard to help him. If she left a request to her children because she couldn't do it alone, that means she truly loved him. Asking her children for a personal favor about her boyfriend (even though he is biologically their father) shows that she was deeply concerned. (There’s a reason she left the request to her grown children; asking when they were young wouldn't have been fair, and adults are supposed to help children, not the other way around. For Ai, anything related to Kamiki was a lingering concern.)

I've drawn this couple a lot recently, not only because of Fatal being.. really obvious to me?? that it should be Kamiki's feelings and that it clicked and let EVERYTHING make sense but also because it’s confirmed that Ai loved Kamiki a lot too. Considering this, I think the storyline is not fully revealed yet. Kamiki is someone Ai desperately wanted to help, borrowing the strength of the protagonists, even. This is revealed not at the beginning but at the very end, indicating his significance. That must mean there are some things that we'll be able to find redeemable about him. Or at least, he must be a character who evokes a lot of sympathy.

Looking at this narrative, if Kamiki is willing to do anything for Ai, it makes a lot of sense. I was holding off on judging the depth of Ai's feelings until that video scene (you see how careful I'm about it in the analysis I've made about Ai), but it’s been clear that he was truly happy with her on his end. When I saw the lyrics for Fatal, I immediately knew it was from his perspective... it’s clear he has deep feelings about her. The emotions in the song matched, so I looked into the song's content, and it was quite unsettling, giving me the strong impression that he took a wrong path. His character was exactly as I thought, so I wasn’t surprised. He suits well with Ai. Isn't the younger version of him, really soft?? Ai isn’t the type to be dragged around. If she had a boyfriend who's younger than she was, she would have acted like a big sister. If he had been older, it might have had a different sort of dynamic, but at their first meeting, he was even smaller than Ai, so instead of her being swayed, I figured he'd have been the one drawn to her. Seeing Ai hide who the father of her children was, yet genuinely loving them purely, suggests that she wanted to protect him. Their relationship must have been good. The calls felt like Ai had the upper hand. However, you can't predict when someone will snap, so until his appearance, it was all speculation. But everything turned out as expected, along with the emotions they had regarding each other.

I don't know the current state of this character, but it feels like something significant has happened. Because of that, there's been a drastic change about him, but it's clear that this character really loves Ai. I keep mentioning it, but from the character's perspective, it couldn't have been any other way. So, I thought, "Wow... the writing was well done." The key point is how far Kamiki can go with such deep feelings and how it might become distorted, deviate, or turn into a mix of love and hate, depending on how it's handled.

At least, as the lyrics suggest, he loves her to the extent that he would do anything he can. I believe that has been made clear, so I think the development will inevitably go that way.

His past is just so miserable that I want to hug him and tell him he suffered a lot. Both him and Ai. And I want to arrange for them to be protected by adults who can give them lots of love and care in a clean, good environment. It’s no wonder Kamiki felt like there was no one in the world but him and Ai, which is such a sad situation... But there must be lonely kids like them out there. I hope those kids can receive the love they deserve.

I was actually a bit interested in the area of social welfare. However, it’s a very tough path, so I didn't dive so deep into it... While reading the manga, my thoughts wandered in that direction because the characters were in such vulnerable states. This sort of situation isn't 100% fiction.

I once did volunteer work in education, and honestly, the kids who have gone through tough times are much more mature and resilient than I am... They know things I don’t, and I believe that. But they are still young. It’s not about underestimating or dismissing them; at that age, they shouldn't be experiencing such things... It's an age when they should be receiving love.

In my opinion, the likelihood of major character inconsistencies or setting errors with the protagonist’s parents is quite low. The scenes they get are significant but short, so the characters are likely to come out as initially planned. And honestly, how cunning or wicked can two middle school kids be? This isn’t pure fantasy; the manga heavily borrows from reality. So, I liked how their past was revealed in this manner. The key is how things will unfold next, and it’s hard to predict completely.

When I first heard the song IDOL, I immediately thought, "Oh, this character is really struggling." (I mention this a lot but) I can't claim to understand everything since I haven't led such a turbulent life, but I still felt sorry for them. If I were in that character's position, I don't know if I could have lived as earnestly... However, when considering why the character made such choices, I can sense that it seems to come from their own efforts and concerns. Many situations arose consecutively, and I think Ai, as a character, tried her best within them.

And Kamiki is really something else. When he was breaking up with Ai, I didn’t mention much about what he heard, but Ai is really sharp. Even if she didn’t know what the consequences would be later, she said exactly what she needed to achieve her desired result (Kamiki leaving her). It wasn’t cursing, but the words were very cruel. I predicted that he wouldn’t be able to hold onto Ai when they broke up, even before the episode was revealed... LOL. But he ended up hearing such devastating words that he couldn't say anything back and was just left dumbfounded. Those words must have really hurt. I even felt emotionally wounded along with him! Ai is truly remarkable... When you watch the video, you can see that she really loved him, but to be able to say such things to someone she cared about... I don’t think I could do that because it would break my heart. As I mentioned when analyzing Ai, she just did what she thought was the best. She didn’t like herself very much, so it was more important to protect him from the burden of being with her than worrying about him hating her.

Kamiki, on the other hand, talked about those words to his son, saying, "Ai left me because she found out what I did, and it was natural and unavoidable." He has no anger. His self-esteem is very low, and he feels very sad. Although he mentioned that Ai had selfish and cruel sides, the first thing he feels is self-loathing... He believes it was natural to be abandoned, and he thinks he has never been loved by anyone. There’s a scene where he is walking hand-in-hand with Ai, looking so happy, and it’s described as if just being with her made him feel like he could overcome anything. But he accepts that she thought of him that way, which is so pitiful, isn’t it?

Would a character in such a state try to harm Ai? I don’t think so. If he were going to be angry, it would have been then. But I think both Ai and Kamiki knew that he wouldn’t retaliate even after hearing such words. This shows their personalities very well. When Ai said they should break up, he's able to suggest that they get married, this character... has no pride when it comes to Ai... It’s pitiful. He must have been like that in the payphone call too. It’s obvious that he wanted to meet again, saying he “clung on.” People say clinging isn’t attractive, but it seems he did so timidly. He probably couldn’t even speak firmly, and when Ai said no, he was likely left speechless again.

What happened to make him like how he is now? (But if you look at his lines, it doesn’t seem like he changed that much. He still says, "Because of me, because of me," in front of that dying actor. He blames himself for what's happened, and I wonder how it happened) I think this character needs to see a psychiatrist. He seems extremely depressed. It’s not a fair comparison, but his self-destructive behavior feels even worse than Aqua’s, and it’s understandable... Aqua still has people who love him, but this person!! He really has no one!!

Seeing the video of Ai and being so shocked... yeah, it's totally a natural reaction for him. He really didn't realize that Ai loved him in the SLIGHTEST. But if we consider whether it was Kamiki's fault that he didn't know, I don't think it was. Aqua showed the video as part of his revenge, but although Kamiki's heart must have been torn and he felt like dying... did he really do something deserving of revenge? I say that’s actually questionable. If he had killed Ai, then "revenge" would make sense, but it seems like he contributed less to her death than what he even told Aqua. Now that he knows he was loved all along, it will be interesting to see what kind of reaction comes out. Sigh.. so they had mutual feelings towards each other, so it's good, right? Their lives have been so unfortunate. Depending on what Kamiki did in the middle, it might determine whether he deserves such harsh words, but for now, that's my impression.

These two characters seem to be well-written (from a constructed perspective). Ai is really well-written, and Kamiki seems that way too. The chance for them to be happy together disappeared with Ai's death... who knows what will happen next...

Songs like "Mephisto" or "Fatal" really seem fitting. That's why I think those songs are related to Kamiki... the lyrics are so intriguing, so there must be something there.

I hope it all ends well.

[evenmorecrows]

Home - 1.6k

His first home only remains in his mind as a formless blot of comfort; an idea of what he thinks it should have been moreso than any concrete memory. His second home aches in sharp, shattered contrast- all too clear for who it was missing. And his third home... he thinks he's found it.

Written for @silverv-week! Here's some very brief context for this, since I had thought I'd be done with the main piece it's based on before August rolled around. Feel free to skip right along to the fic under the read more if you'd prefer!

Context: 1. The setting is the abandoned lake cabin, 2 and a half to 3 years post-game. Johnny and V live there now. 2. This V's mother was killed when he was very young, and because she had ties to Padre, V essentially got adopted by him. And by that I mean he was pretty much treated like an indoor-outdoor cat. 3. Johnny did not get his own body, he is still in V's old one. V was yanked from beyond the Blackwall and was put into a new body himself by Arasaka.

Okay, now on to the fic. Enjoy!

He comes in, shaking the sand out of his shoes. Having spent the day in the desert heat, tuning up the generator and water filtration systems, he's ready to melt into the couch for a while. Johnny's not home yet, but he knew that. Woulda heard the car pulling in if he was, besides the fact that Johnny woulda come looking for him when he realized he wasn't inside. He lingers in the scenario as he undresses and takes a well-needed cold shower. He would've sat around and bugged V till he got too hot. He'd whine for a while, then piss off inside till he got bored and opened the window to brag about being inside in the cool. What he'd really want was for V to come inside, but because he's deathly allergic to voicing his emotions plainly, he has to be a dick about it. He's getting better, at least, since he's learned V won't rise to the bait most of the time, forcing the words out of him if he wants them to be voiced at all.

Sometimes when Johnny's being a brat and gets hit with V's classic brick-wall technique, though, he just goes off and sulks. Until he crawls into bed with V that night, anyway. He towels himself dry, puts on some boxers (There's no use in putting on anything else, not in this heat. And besides, not like there's anyone around to ogle him. Aside from Nibbles.) and heads out into their living room slash kitchen combo. Between Johnny's seeming need to make himself a rat's nest of plates and old food containers and V's engine parts and (small!) clothes piles, it's always a bit of a mess, but it looks lived in. A lot of the places he's lived, he didn't have a lot to his name, keeping them sparse. Bare-minimum only. He remembers when he lived with Padre as a kid, remembers how it always felt strange, waking up every day in a room that wasn't home, would never be home. In all the years he lived there, he almost felt like a ghost haunting it's halls.

When he had that brief stint of living with Jackie, under Mama Wells' roof- that was the first time he really remembers what having a home felt like. He imagines he felt that with his mom, when he was a little kid- somewhere warm, safe, familiar. Where he'd come home to a hug and a meal every day, where he'd have Jackie to talk to about anything, everything, who somehow seemed to always know what to say, even when it was only something that made V laugh. For once, he really had a family. H10 was nice, yeah. He felt good when he was finally able to spread his wings, become independent... But it wasn't home. It turns out, a few months with an approximation of a family doesn't fix a childhood spent without one. Alone in his apartment, he had felt... Hollow. Like he lost more than he gained, moving out. So he kept busy, doing job after job, only staying long enough to eat, pass out, and shower in the mornings. For a while, he could feel at home, around Jackie, or at El Coyote. Then Jackie died and, well. Considering V still carries that guilt with him- if he'd been quicker, if he'd been smarter, if he'd died instead, or even, if he'd been kinder in the car on the way to Konpeki, if he hadn't snapped in the elevator... (He had been scared. So, so scared. Had seen how Jackie was holding himself, had seen the blood.) He can't find it in himself to insert himself into Mama Wells' life, even if he knows she'd welcome him with open arms. Even if she's said so herself. How could he, when all he can see is who's missing? How could he, when he feels like he'd be trying to take up that blank space? How could he, when he lives with the thought that if Jackie hadn't have met him, he might still be alive? He sighs, flopping onto the couch, rubbing at his eyes. Nibbles jumps up onto his lap, purrs at him loudly, and how can he resist that? He pets him, and Nibbles settles in. It still hurts, Jackie's loss. V thinks it probably always will. But it's not all-encompassing now. Admittedly, he didn't have much space in his head to really process Jackie's death when he was running around trying to deal with the chip eating away at his brain. He had thought he had- processed it, he means, but after the dust settled after he was re-bodied... It really started hitting him. Hard. Johnny freaked for a little while- after coming so close to losing V a second time, he had become hypersensitive to the idea of V getting sick again. They had a fight, V remembers, sick to death of Johnny's constant hovering- and not only hovering, nagging, or borderline degrading him. V is a patient man, but the way Johnny had acted was absolutely insufferable, and already being in such a bad place, he had snapped; they yelled for a while. Johnny stormed off.

It hadn't helped the grieving, being all alone. He hardly ever cries, but that night he just couldn't stop the floodgates, sitting on the lip of the tub in the bathroom. Johnny came back before it was over, and he knew how rarely V cried, as intimately as he knows almost every other part of him. So when he saw him hunched over, eyes red, face wet, he had softly cursed and led them both to bed. They talked that morning, had a nice, long feelings sesh, and they both had things to get off their chests. Usually, heartfelt conversations from Johnny were like trying to draw blood from concrete, but that one wasn't so bad, and ever since then there are moments where he at least tries to communicate how he's feeling. He's only slightly less of a prick, but slightly is better than no change at all.

He hears the rumble of his car- Johnny always tries to say their car, and V lets it slide, but that thing's V’s baby, goddamnit- and perks up. He always misses the bastard when he's gone, and maybe they're codependent with how they cling to each other, but who wouldn't be after what they've gone through? After sharing a brain? Nibbles jumps off his lap to trot to the door at the muffled sound of jingling keys. V watches as the door opens and Johnny steps in, closing it behind him. He drags the soles of his shoes on the mat and grumbles to Nibbles about how needy he is, yet pets him as the cat winds around his legs, at the same time attempting to now take off his shoes. V enjoys watching him, when he doesn't have his wall of bluster and bravado up, gets to see the man underneath. He used to know it, when they shared a head; know it was there. But now it's a choice for Johnny, and V gets to see it, to be let in willingly. All that power could go to someones head, but most of the time V finds it just goes down south. Johnny finally catches him looking, and V can tell his eyes take in his mostly-bare form, even with the shades on, and he whistles. "Damn, didn't know I'd be coming home to a show." V smirks, rolls his eyes, "Yeah yeah, all for you big guy. Not like the suns got a vendetta against us or anything." Johnny haphazardly shoves the bag of food he brought with him into the fridge before starting to shuck off his own clothes. V's glad he's starting to make V's old body more his own, now that Johnny has him back. It was pretty weird for a while, fucking a guy in what was very obviously his own old body. Now, Johnny's starting to get work done to look more like himself, though hes keeping some things, like V's old tattoos. Once he's in a similar state of undress, Johnny flops down onto the couch with him, lounging against him. "Go shower, sweaty-ass." V says lightly, nudging him. Johnny makes a big show of settling in. "Nah, think I'm good. Besides, I just got comfortable. You gonna kick me off the couch over it?" He challenges, which would mean some playful rough-housing if he were in the mood, probably leading to some fooling around, too. That’s not where V’s head’s at right now, though.

"'Know I'm not." He wraps his arm around Johnny, pulling him closer, and just being in the proximity of each other makes both of them relax. Johnny tips his head towards V, and V obliges, captures his lips. 'I missed you', he doesn't say, but V knows it's what he means. He knows it drives Johnny up the walls to leave him, knows he worries when he comes home V'll be gone, or dead, but they can't always avoid it. Afterwards, he always plasters himself to V's side like this for a few hours. "'Love you." Johnny whispers when they pull away. It took him a while to get used to saying it, and he never says it at talking volume; has to whisper it, hide it from the world which has taken so, so much from both of them, but V melts every single time he hears it. Those words, just for him. He thinks about them, this house of theirs, this life they've built, fought for with blood and sweat and tears. A future they never thought they'd get to have, fate carried out and then flipped off. "I love you too, Johnny." The words resonate through him; in every neuron, in every cell, this is true. He brings his hand to Johnny's cheek, rubs at his cheek bone with his thumb, and Johnny closes his eyes, leaning in, savoring it. Right here, right now, with him… This can be home, too. He thinks it already is.

[fandom-hoarder]

Considering OP is yelling at ppl to leave them alone when questioned on specifics because a post that says “the grooming in spn fandom is insane” (specifically Wincest) was “not a callout” and only “a legitimate safety concern” about “a space is known for well you know”, they are not worth the time. They also reacted very rudely to an anon who only wanted to apologize for following them (thinking that OP was anti Wincest and trying to respect OP’s boundaries). Just not worth it.

[I held onto this in my drafts for a day, but I think I'm just gonna publish it after all. Even though v did a much better job of addressing the op directly, imo, I'm not interacting with the op. I'm also going to gather screenshots in a posterity post, but it will likely be unrebloggable.]

Hmm, I debated publishing this ask, because I'm really just. So tired. And annoyed. And it's not a great combination for tact. Nevertheless...

I haven't seen the yelling myself, just avoidance and redirection. Flippancy. But maybe it's happening in a space I can't see, or between people I've blocked, idk. If so, it sounds a lot like it IS January 2023 redux 🙃🙃🙃 -- I HAVE seen it now, and my suspicion still stands, though still not 100%.

People need to stop making such serious accusations when they refuse to back it up. Words fucking mean things. Saying a certain sector of the fandom--that ostensibly you're also a part of?--has a problem with grooming and is stupid...that was NOT worded in a way to help people stay safe. It was worded like a vague callout post to scare people. We've seen those before. 🙄

A post that was actually concerned about grooming in online spaces *in general* would list some things to be aware of, things to recognize, tips for getting out of a situation. But no, it's this vaguepost without anything specific, with the one question in the notes asking for an explanation or if it's sarcasm-- unanswered [eta: well maybe they responded and I can't see it, since I realized I had op blocked]-- and one reblog from a person who claims it wasn't about wincesties specifically, when it demonstrably WAS??

So who is doing it, and where/how? I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to make public posts with names that devolve into personal beef and worse, but if someone is making the accusation that there's a grooming problem in the fandom they need to come with receipts or at the very least descriptions of the situation??

This isn't cutesy. You know exactly what anon is talking about, as shown later. Reblogging the post unaltered gives at least the appearance of agreeing with it as written.

This isn't to make light of! You reblogged it.

This isn't helpful.

If there was no one specific, why reblog a post specifically about the wincest fandom having insaneeee grooming? It wasn't "just in general." It's not a joke, yet this reply looks entirely unserious.

I am too old to keep seeing this type of shit go through the fandom at regular intervals, especially when it's so often a false accusation based on interpersonal drama. The only purpose this serves is riling up the dash. It's exhausting, and waters down the gravity of the accusation by making it a phrase that cries wolf.

I'm not even saying outright that the post is a LIE; just that it has seriously similar markers of past drama that was approximately 90% unaddressed purity culture biases about fiction, 9% interpersonal beef, and 1% actual concern for a human being who was an adult, but young. And it led to the utter gutting of fandom, loss of acquaintances, deletion of a glut of fic-- all due to smearing the reputation of a writer by using horrible UNTRUE AND INCENDIARY ACCUSATIONS.

So I'm sure many of you already understand why I take umbrage with these types of posts! Who knows if it's about fiction or something real? 🤷‍♀️

And since there's no further context to be found, the way it LOOKS on the dash is that someone is taking creeper!Dean too seriously. It could be about something else, but who knows.

[smolandweirdwriter]

Serafina and the Black Cloak Reread Thoughts

I forgot that the book takes place in 1899 for some reason, but regardless I'm very eager to see how that's handled (since I read it when I was much younger, I doubt I would have picked up on that). but I mean that's just fascinating given the history of the civil war (Cornelius Vanderbilt was a union man--not in it himself, but donated a giant steamship worth about 1 million USD). Also fun fact: George Vanderbilt paid his staff New York wages, which were higher than Asheville wages-- up to the equivalent of $73-ish dollars for the highest working members.

sera and her pa are adorable! little serafina not wanting to eat her veggies is my favorite thing & in a modern au he would definitely be the kinda guy to mix spinach into her brownies to try and trick her into eating vegetables

also serafina first line: "Did." do with that what you will

can serafina get rabies? she says she's been bitten by rats before...

love the sprinkling of 1890s southern dialect lmao

SHE'S THE CRC!

I forgot how good the imagery in this book is!! the descriptions of sounds and nature are incredible!!

mr Vanderbilt has over 22 THOUSAND BOOKS that's the kinda life goal I aspire to

serafina made up stories after reading she's just like me for

au where serafina is a PI & part-time novelist perchance?? (Braeden is a vet ofc)

Sera's pa: if anybody ever asks you who you are or where you're from, you don't answer, got it?

Sera: got it

Sera, the second she meets Braeden: hi I'm serafina here's my social security number

OH BRAEDEN FIRST DESCRIPTION WHAT "... or she'd see their twelve-year-old nephew riding his horse across the grounds, with his sleek black dog running alongside." (p. 12)

"Sometimes she dreamed of wearing fancy dresses and ribbons in her hair and shiny shoes on her feet" props to Robert Beatty for not making her have internalized misogyny and hating "girlie" things. the main fight scene is done in a dress if I recall and I'm so ready to read it

she mentions Braeden a lot (calls him "the young master" or "the nephew" but still, good foreshadowing)

awww poor sera wants a real family but also loves her pa *sigh* EMOTIONAL CONFLICT

sera describing the basement as "hers"!!!

the butler's 11 year old assistant gobbling cookies in the middle of the night is so real im sorry. but also sera standing in the shadow watching him & pretending they're friends chatting is gonna make me cry

oooh the rats and bugs all fleeing from cracks in the walls when the man in the black cloak arrives!!!

mr Thorne first line: "Don't worry. We're going right in here..." creepy lil shit

"her legs felt like explosions of speed" idk why but that line made me laugh. the book is so well-written but for some reason that line just feels very, idk, childish? it kinda took me out of the experience but maybe that's just me

"friends had to help friends. she didn't know much about life, but she knew that." she doesn't even know the girl but considers them friends and wants to help her. serafina seems to think Braeden is kinder than she is, but honestly I don't think that's true. I think Braeden is more willing to trust people, but serafina is more willing to sympathize with them, & I think she has preconceptions of people in power being bad (mr v, mr Thorne-- though the latter turned out to be true--rowena, etc) which turns out false

"A tall man in a black cloak and hood, his hands stained with blood" we have our first Mr Thorne description folks!!

"Just stay still, and this will all be over," he said, pulling her toward him. Serafina suddenly realized she'd made a dreadful mistake. This was far more than she could handle." oh god the places my mind instantly went to? dark, awful places. this book is disturbing and I'm inly 19 pages in-- how did I read this so gleefully as a kid?

"...as if the man wasn't of his own mind but possessed by a demented, ravenous demon" I don't quite remember but isn't it true that the cloak can speak to the wearer? so did it take over mr Thorne at some point? did hearing that voice all the time affect him and further corrupt him? did he ever get confused when he took the cloak off, maybe in the beginning, and think perhaps he didn't want to put it back on again, but in the end the urge for power and youth was too great? oooh angsty fanfic ideas.....

"Death was so near that she could see its blackness and hear the screams of the children who had gone before." this book is so dark how is it for children???? it's incredible I love it

ik she's looking for a place to hide from a guy trying to pull our her soul but her thought process when searching for a hiding spot reminds me of playing hide n seek

"She was the CRC. No trap or weapon or evil man was going to catch her." hELL YEAH

ahhhh description of serafina. collar bones that don't connect to other bones --> cats have a detached collar bone. four toes not five--> cats again. (also as a kid who was tiny and short and having been thought practically dead at birth, serafina was always inspiring to me)

"Mice are timid and prone to panic-induced mistakes at key moments. Just stay still little mouse, [she thought]." oooh nice callback to this exact thought about mice when she's hunting rats earlier

Also did I mention how much I love the chapter titles being encircled in brambles that form the shape of her face or a panther?? that's just cool. if I can actually write something good enough to be published, I'd love to have something like that

Babe wake up new slang just dropped: “gnawin’ on leather” 

Her pa doesn’t like mr poe gives “my dad won’t let us watch horror movies so you have to sneak them over in a different dvd cover if we’re gonna watch a horror movie when you sleep over later tonight” omg rowena & serafina girltime au?? (Lol sorry)

Oooooh the dynamo’s busted I wonder what thaaat meeeaannnssss (hehehe)

Biltmore being one of the few homes to have electricity is a nice reminder of the time period

“she’d been trying to follow [her pa’s] rules at least some of the time” lol

“Spotting an upholstered chair she felt an overwhelming desire to run her fingernails over the plush fabric” REAL

Her being shocked at flower vases & the idea of flowers INSIDE the house is so funny

Awwww poor sera, looking for her momma and siblings everywhere…

Serafina is super smart. just putting that out there. She’s brilliant and I love her

Oop the first description of Edith Vanderbilt kinda gives chatgpt-generated ngl (obviously it wasn’t bc it predates chatgpt & shitty ai writing generators, & this book is SO MUCH BETTER than anything an AI could generate regardless) 

“A refined and attractive woman, Mrs. Vanderbilt had a pale complexion and a full head of dark hair, and she seemed at ease in her role of hostess as she moved through the room.” Idk what about this makes me think “AI generated” but it just DOES

“Serafina loved to climb the tapestries at night and run her fingernails down through the soft fabric” AGAIN SHES SO REAL FOR THIS

OHOHOHO MR THORNE NAMEDROP:

“I’m sure that most of you already know Mr. Montgomery Thorne,”… Mrs. Vanderbilt said with a gentle sweep of her arm toward a gentleman. “He has graciously offered to play [the violin] for us today.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Vanderbilt,” Mr. Thorne said with a smile as he stepped forward. ... To Serafina, who’d been listening to Biltmore’s visitors her entire life, he didn’t sound like he came from the mountains of North Carolina, or from New York like the Vanderbilts. He spoke with the accent of a southern gentleman, maybe from Georgia or South Carolina.”

Serafina having an eye for fashion was NOT what I was expecting from this reread lol (she describes mr t’s outfit then says “all of which she thought went nicely with his silvery-black hair and perfectly trimmed sideburns”)

Hmmm interesting she actually sympathizes with/likes mr Thorne at first?? I did nOT recall that

Lol serafina liking to watch mr Thorne’s fingers move as he plays and wanting to pounce on them is so Cat of her

OMG BRAEDEN BRAEDEN BRAEDEN BRAEDEN

Apparently he looks “sickly, a little frail even” which I do not recall, but hes also got “watchful, sensitive brown eyes” and “a rather fetching tussle of wavy brown hair”

“Are you lost?” WE GOT IT WE GOT THE LINE but more importantly we got the NEXT LINE which is “May I help you find your way?” And hes described as not timid or shy but also not overly confident which I LOVE (fun fact this line is very similar to one of the characters of my other favorite kid’s book series, Keefe Sencen’s “you must be lost” line)

Lol Braeden always sharing his food with Gideon annoys the chefs i LOVE him

OMG HE BOWS TO HER WHEN SHE GIVES HIM HIS NAME LIKE SHE’S A PROPER LADY!!!!! MEN!!!! TAKE NOTES!!!!!! THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE!!!

Name drop at last, missing girl’s name is Clara Brahms. Honestly I’m a little sad Clara isnt a recurring character later on. Braeden, Serafina, and Clara could’ve been a good trio 

OOOOHH “She had heard the servants in the kitchen joke that their master must have secretly found the Fountain of Youth” what a NICE SET UP for how the black cloak keeps people young & serafina’s suspicion of mr Vanderbilt

Mr Vanderbilt: *wears dress shoes to go riding*

serafina: criminal activity right there. Lock him up

Least accurate part of this book is the implication that serafina uses a hairbrush lmao

New slang: spit nails (means be really mad)

“I’m twelve years old. I’m grown up.” Mmmm not quite, but I agree with the spirit!

“Just tell me what’s wrong with me. I want to know. Why are you ashamed of me?” scuse me, I’ll just be over here… crying… in the corner

Ohhhh serafina back story… she could’ve had 3 siblings (AU where all of her siblings survive, but they’re humans too & her pa raises them all???)

The midwives wouldn’t even help a baby??? And the nuns were so mean for what? Like at least consolidate the man, he’s trying to keep a child alive, don’t just tell him “it’s going to die. You should kill it now” who DOES THAT??

It’s so funny to me that serafina didn’t realize she was the baby in the story until after it was over. i get that it’s a kids book but still!

Oooooh nature v nurture very nice very nice

Oh wow I forgot serafina was almost kidnapped when she was probably around 2-3ish (her pa says she was walking/wandering around, so I assume it’s around that time?)

“It’s plain to see that you’re not like other girls” WOW sera’s pa just went there lmao

Ok so when I was first reading this, I remember shipping Leandra and serafina’s pa SO HARD and wanting her to have a proper mother-daughter-father type family, yknow? 

The implication that bright/stereotypically “good” things can ensnare your soul too is so fascinating. That good things can be bad for you too… fascinating

“Her pa had told her to leave them to it, that it wasn’t any of her business, that they weren’t her kin, but who was he to say who was kin and who wasn’t? He stole babies out of the woods!” Help why is this so funny 😭 

Ooohhh she wants to find Braeden! And she keeps thinking of Clara as her friend. I’m so annoyed Clara wasn’t brought back now ugh

Awwww she’s wondering if she can think of Braeden as a friend

Awww poor serafina 

Serafina: *sees dress shoes* THE DEVIL’S APPAREL!!!

Huh apparently there’s a concealed door to the right of the fireplace in the billiard room? Wonder if that’s true

Oooh and it leads to the smoking room, with a similar one leading to the gun room. VERY curious if this was made up for the sake of the story or not

Haha serafina spitting on the back of her hand and using it to wipe her face and hair is so Cat

Serafina loves closets lol 

HES ARRIVED!!!!!!!! BRAEDEN!!!!!

Help why is this whole page so funny 😭

Serafina canonically climbing up a tree to get away from a dog and staying there until her pa got a ladder to get her down is so Cat I can’t

“[Shadows…] [which] reminded her of griffins, chimeras, and other twisted creatures of the night which were half one thing and half another.” OOOOH good foreshadowing!!!

I like this part

when he asks why he’s never seen her and she says “maybe you’ve seen me before and you’ve just forgotten” and he says “I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED YOU”!!!!

hearinf him say her name has tremendous power over her!!!! I’m going to be sick 😍

smolandweirdwriter reblogged trialserrors Pinned Postsilversickles-deactivated202101 This blog is a safe space.Nazis, TERFs, pedophiles, bigots, Tr*mp supporters, Islamophobes, exclusionists, queerphobes, and anyone who can’t reblog this post, etc, do not interact. I will block you.emo-bunny-1317 FollowHell yeah!#safe space

smolandweirdwriter reblogged smolandweirdwriter Serafina and the Black Cloak Reread Thoughts: chapter Nine and TenMr Vanderbilt: you’ve got to be a man, BraedenSerafina, in the corner, under her breath: yOU’vE gOT tO bE A MaN, bRAeDeNMr Vanderbilt: *gives Braeden some well intentioned, albeit slightly sexist, advice* Serafina: MURDERERNice allusion to Mr thorne’s skill at everything being suspicious Chapter 10 was creepy af (I mean it does take place in a graveyard soo)Cloven Smith has a creepy gravestone, & google told me nothing about him, so I doubt he was realSerafina: *sees a grave to two women* oh these must be sisters me: WIVESAnyway now I wanna write an au about Mary and Margaret being witches or catamounts or something WE FOUND THE GLADEscarred-serafina-fan Djffjjfjvjgnng I'm gonna assume sisters since they were nine but that's freaking funny lolsmolandweirdwriter oh my god I didn’t even read the dates 😭 I’m so stupid

smolandweirdwriter Serafina and the Black Cloak Reread Thoughts: chapter Nine and TenMr Vanderbilt: you’ve got to be a man, BraedenSerafina, in the corner, under her breath: yOU’vE gOT tO bE A MaN, bRAeDeNMr Vanderbilt: *gives Braeden some well intentioned, albeit slightly sexist, advice* Serafina: MURDERERNice allusion to Mr thorne’s skill at everything being suspicious Chapter 10 was creepy af (I mean it does take place in a graveyard soo)Cloven Smith has a creepy gravestone, & google told me nothing about him, so I doubt he was realSerafina: *sees a grave to two women* oh these must be sisters me: WIVESAnyway now I wanna write an au about Mary and Margaret being witches or catamounts or something WE FOUND THE GLADE#serafina and the black cloak#serafina and the black cloak reread

smolandweirdwriter

Serafina and The Black Cloak Reread Thoughts: Chapter Seven and Eight

I got bored so my thoughts will be on two chapters at once now (so this goes faster)

Braeden is canonically a horse girl

lol serafina is scared of horses

mr crankshod is a lil sus (I say like I’ve never read the book before)

still. I don’t like him

me personally I would not walk into the forest at night but 🤷

no bc lowkey I hate bugs. I’d be thinking about them walking all over me the whole time (UNFORTUNATELY, I do love camping and nature. Just not the bugs. Which yes yes I know biodiversity they’re good for the environment et cetera et cetera. I wish I loved them— I never kill them in the house or anything, I take them outside, but I just don’t like them

Sera and Gidean trusting each other!!

oooh when Braeden freezes when he gets scared, nice allusion to how the rats/scared creatures freeze

They’re allies!!!

something I find very interesting is that to serafina EVERYONE can be separated into Friend or Foe. Clara and Nolan, whom she barely knows? Friends.

Braeden is such a horse girl

ooooh he’s helping her into the carriage like a GENTLEMAN

“I’m sorry there aren’t any blankets,” Braeden said. “Not even a good cloak to sleep under.”

”I’ll pass on the cloak, thank you,” Serafina said with a smile, and Braeden laughed.

they’re so 12 year old coded lol

Braeden backstory!! & emotions

Mr Vanderbilt: you’ve got to be a man, Braeden

Serafina, in the corner, under her breath: yOU’vE gOT tO bE A MaN, bRAeDeN

Mr Vanderbilt: *gives Braeden some well intentioned, albeit slightly sexist, advice* Serafina: MURDERER

Nice allusion to Mr thorne’s skill at everything being suspicious

Chapter 10 was creepy af (I mean it does take place in a graveyard soo)

Cloven Smith has a creepy gravestone, & google told me nothing about him, so I doubt he was real

Serafina: *sees a grave to two women* oh these must be sisters

me: WIVES

me, realizing they’re nine: … Childhood lovers who could never fall in love properly because they never grew up?

me, sighing: sisters

Anyway now I wanna write an au about Mary and Margaret being witches or catamounts or something

WE FOUND THE GLADE

WE MET SERAFINAS SIBLINGS!!!!

AND LEANDRA!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!

oooh is a creature of the night good or bad? Or is right/wrong/good/bad something we need to decide for ourselves?? Fascinating implications & queries for a kids book

”why do I deserve a present?” “Because we’re friends, right?” SO CUTE!!!!!!

braeden being loud af in the tunnels lol

braeden hanging 30 feet in the air lol

serafina wanting to knock the pieces of the chess set over to watch them fall is so Cat (yes that is what I dub the term)

lmaoooo Mr Thorne calling Mr Rostanov “daddy” aged SO WELL

serafina: let’s go through peoples stuff

braeden: let’s not

Braeden as they go through every room: I like this guy! He can’t be evil! I like this guy too! And this guy!

Serafina: you like too many people

Raphael Room, Van Dyck Room, Sheraton Room, Old English Room, Morland Room

Love knowing this is actually true!!

“The pumpkin pie, like all pumpkin pie, looked like something a dog would eat” UH! I beg your pardon?? Pumpkin pie is DELICIOUS

Serafina softening to Mr Vanderbilt and seeing how much he cares for his staff and guests!!

Ooooh Mr Thorne is getting sick!!!

Haha Braeden saving serafina from getting her eardrums ruptured

ohhhhh he’s playing the piano because clara is good with the piano

Braeden somehow knowing what kind of food serafina likes and bringing it to her is friend goals

GUYS Braeden says that Mr Thorne owned an estate “before the war between the states.” That’s the civil war, in 1861. It’s been almost 38 years since then. But Mr Thorne isn’t described as an old man at all. But he couldn’t be a fully grown adult and own property 38 years ago but still appear as if he’s in his 40s. Right??

but also Mr Thorne’s death is sooooo overdue. Child murdering evil plantation-owning racist piece of shit got what he deserved

UGH all the descriptions of the night and the stars and nature make me SO MAD I live in a giant polluted city

A good couple pages:

“The time for sneaking and hiding was over. She was going to make sure one man in particular saw her. And tonight was the night. The Chief Rat Catcher had a job to do.” (Ch 19, p225) YES SERAFINA!!!!!

“She… kept lacing her dress up her back with shaky fingers, but she was having a terrible go of it. Normal girls must have extremely long and bendy arms to do this every night, she thought. Help she’s so funny 😭

“She hated walking straight. And she hated walking slow.” REAL

“She was a China doll, and she was a wraith, in and out of shadows, a girl in between.” Very nice

oooohhhhhh she’s hoping the mountain Lion will show up to kill him. I didn’t realize that the first time i read this

“Come out, my dear child, before I become angry with you.” Thanks to @secretly-a-catamount for telling me Thorne was meant to be a warning to children about child predators because now I SEE IT even more clearly than I did earlier

”At that moment, all the power and ferocity of closed motherhood came ripping out of the woods.” YESSIR

GIDEAN TO THE RESCUE!!!

”she was mightily perturbed he hadn’t stayed dead” 💀 😭

yesyesyesyes die rat bastard!!!!! Mr Thorne is dead!!!!! Let’s go!!!!!

LEANDRA!!!!!

Braeden putting together a search party for serafina and sending gidean out ahead is so perfect and wonderful

Am I the only one somewhat perplexed that all Mrs&Mr Vanderbilt did was send down some beds? Like why not give them a proper room even in the servant’s floor or something? Idk

“There are few skills more important than picking good friends.” — Mr Vanderbilt, the man who befriended Mr Thorne 😂

ahhhh I loved this book. I can’t WAIT to reread the rest!

[harleiquina]

All TV series I've ever seen II

Let's see how many I remember from this time period.

1940 - 1970

1980 - 2000 (this post)

2010 - Now

1983 - V

Aliens have come to Earth but they are nice and willing to help us... or so they say.

Everybody remembers Diana eating rats, the dramatic face reveal of any reptilian, Freddy Krueger beeing a good guy (this time) and I'm sure Stephenie Meyers wish that Reneesme/Jacob had the same level of acceptance than "the child from the stars" (name given in Latinoamerica, don't know if it was also used in the original show) and whats-his-name.

Saw it on TV but we also bought the bootleg DVD because my mom and aunt never saw the ending of the show as kids.

1985 - Amazing Stories

I hardly remember anything (I was too young when it was played on TV) but I do remember beeing traumatized by Christopher Lloyd's severed (and reattached) head.

It was created by Spielberg, some stories land better than other ones. Maybe I should try and rewatch some?

1986 - Sledge Hammer

Is he sexist, violent, gun-lover and conservative AF? Yes... but he's also hilarious! This is satire people! Don't be like the NRA that gave somekind of award to this fictional character because they have the same level of comprehension than a brick.

Saw it on TV but it is also available on Youtube.

1986 - ALF

Alien finds himself on a typical american family house and chaos begins.

Do you live under a rock? Don't you know who ALF is? Just go watch it.

It was on TV when I was growing up, I'm pretty sure you can find it anywhere.

1989 - The Simpsons

I will keep on saying it, we argentineans speak in 3 languages: Spanish, Lunfardo (a Buenos Aires dialect but each province has their own as well) and Simpsons' quotes (latin spanish obviously, everyone agrees that it's the definitive Simpsons). Earlier seasons are better, we all know that... they kind of lose us when the original latin dubbers were replaced (it would seem that Disney brought them back but I hardly watch TV now, so I don't know)

1989 - Eureeka's castle.

I don't remember a THING about it but my family says that I was obsessed. It's a Muppet-style show of a young witch apprentice and her friends.

Upon further looking, it was co-written by R. L. Stine? So I didn't got into Goosebumps as a child but got this... who knows?

1989 - Agatha Christie's Poirot

I haven't watched everything just yet (it's been on for 20 years, people!) but I do like David Suchet's Hercules Poirot (my family disagrees because for them Poirot will always be Peter Ustinov). Hey, at least it's not Albert Finney!

1990 - Caloi en su tinta (Caloi in his own ink - Argentina)

It wasn't a series properly said... it didn't have a story to follow. Caloi was a very important artist in my country (his character Clemente became a staple in our comics just like Mafalda) and he had this TV show where he curated animations of all kinds, from all over the world. I remember seeing a stop-motion version of Barber of Sevilla and I think that I also saw Queen's Innuendo videoclip for the first time in here.

Some stories were funny, others melancholic, elegant or grotesque... but all of them were Art, with a capital A.

1990 - Twin Peaks

I don't understand the hype around this show. The only thing that I though was cool was to have a season and a half to find the killer.

Before someone tells me "you have to think how ground breaking it was in the time it came up" or "it's high end art, open your mind to it" trust me I can do that... it doesn't change the fact that I don't see why so many people like it so much.

I'll grant it a few points for showing us David Duchovny as a trans woman FBI agent that saves the day on the episode she shows up. I did like the character.

1993 - The Nanny

What would happen if instead of María taking care of Von Trapp's children in the Alps, we had a jewish it-girl from Flushing, Queens? That was Fran Drescher's pitch, the rest is history.

I got to confess I usually get bored with sit-coms but this is the only one that I can watch over and over again (and the final episode still brings single tear in my eye). Yeah, the whole plot of Fran trying to get pregnant was dragged for too long, but still it's like 3 or 4 episodes, no biggy (unless my memory fails, it's been a while).

1993 - Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

For whatever reason a alien (?) race decided that teenagers are the appropiate warriors so they choose 5 Angel Grove locals to kick Galactic-Witch Rita's ass. Monsters that grow size but still look like rubber suits, the Rangers use spandex but for whatever reason they release sparks when a blade touches them. Still sweet little 4 year old me loved this show.

I checked a few episodes on Youtube not too long ago and I was pleasently surprised by the fact that each monster represented a struggle the Rangers where having on their civilian life... so facing and defeating them actually helped these kids in their ordinary life. A nice message that I completely forgot while self-convincing myself that this show was a lot dumber than I remembered.

Oh! By the way when it was on TV I watched -maybe- up to season 2. When the movie came out I was shocked that Jason, Trini and Zack were not in it.

1993 - The X Files

The most recognizable tune ever, the OG monster-of-the-week format, a skeptic + a believer, some comedy, another bit of drama and , in ocassions, straight-up horror = one of the greatest TV shows ever made.

Regardless what people think I preffer Agent Dogget (there, I said it!!) to Mulder, but of course that sunflower-seed eater, porn aficionado, spooky guy will always be loved either way.

Of course I didn't watched on TV (my mom and aunt had that privilege, I was literally a baby) but I got the whole series on bootleg DVD.

1993 - Frasier

I only watched a few mixed up episodes and I have the first 4 seasons on bootleg DVD but it was my aunt who liked it the most.

A psicologyst with a radio TV show has to live with his dad and his brother visits very often.

You might recognize them as Sideshow Bob and his brother as well.

1994 - Friends

Watched it on cable when I had it, mixed up as usual but still... for whatever reason sitcoms bore me... and this is not the exception. Again, I don't understand the hype.

1995 - Xena: Warrior princess

Ancient Greece, a female warrior... my (probably by the time we got it in Argentina) 6 year-old self loved this show. Until certain fling with Hercules... I didn't liked romance then (or now, but I'm a little more tolerant as an adult) and it ruined the show for me.

Yes, now I see certain undertones that my youngself didn't. I get it. Leave me alone!

1995 - Hercules: The Legendary Journeys

Yeah... I didn't liked Hercules but I watched a few episodes either way. I always liked a good fight on TV.

1996 - Sabrina, the teenage witch

Who didn't wanted to have magical powers growing up becuse of her?

I can't really tell how many season I've watched because, as I said, in Argentina you were lucky if the TV channels bought more than 2 season to repeat on end. Still... I didn't quite liked it as much once she left for collage. Kinda lost its magic *wink, wink*

1996 - Millenium

The year 2000 was upon us and the promise of the end of the world, so Chris Carter decided to play a little bit with it.

Frank Black is a retired agent that has a peculiar way of getting into the mind of the criminals (the audience is the only one that knows that he can see what the criminals see... live) so he is called over an over again to help on different cases.

It ended too soon (got cancelled I believe) but it has its final episode in season 9 of The X Files (if I'm not mistaken). It deals a lot with religion (mostly Christianity) and its a lot darker than Mulder & Scully's adventures (with the exception of that one episode where 4 demons get together in a coffe shop -desguised as old men- and tell their latest works done).

1997 - Meego

I got to be honest with you... I hardly remember anything from this TV show. It was basically ALF but with a human playing an alien instead of a puppet. Still we remember it fondly at home so I guess it was good enough?

1998 - Charmed

Argentina beeing Argentina, I saw a few seasons... maybe... I do remember that I liked more the original 3 sisters.

It's fun... sometimes cheesy... as any tv or film of that time.

1998 - Will & Grace

As I said, sitcoms end up becoming boring and repetitive. But that doesn't take away that sometimes jokes are good... some are very 90, but ah, well...

2000 - Dark Angel

Maybe I saw 2 season on TV but I was obsessed.

Typical supersoldiers experiments developed this superhuman creatures that got tired of beeing an experiment and broke out the facility when they were children, so now as grown ups live in our society. The lead Max (Jessica Alba) has a job as a courrier but every now and then steals, that's how she meets Logan a journalist with vigilante tendencies that needs someone to do the dirty work.

2000 - CSI (later known as Las Vegas)

Have I ever watched a show just to laugh at it? Yes, and it was called CSI, the original (I saw a lot of Miami as well).

I had a few glimpses here and there from this procedural that were the definition of Deus-ex-machina and later I decided to give it a shot just to see if, within this universe, it made sense. And nope.

If one of mom's doctors dissed House for his nearly-impossible diagnosis... I'm pretty sure some forensics did the same with Grissom's team.

Side note I really love Ted Danson, that guy is awesome.

2001 - Law & Order: Criminal Intent.

At first I thought it was a yet another The Brain + Person that explains him like many others... but Goren and Eames are the best detective duo. PERIOD.

You get to see them investigating (so Goren, mostly, doesn't know everything off the bat... he does go to the library, kids) and Eames is not just a blank space for the audience to jump in and have Goren explain everything to her. My favourite moments are when she can add up to his theory by just having the female side of things.

Goren isn't the typical I-only-think kind of detective (like, let's say Poirot) he can -and will- get into dangerous situations when needed.

You have to watch for D'onofrio's performance.

I like Jeff Goldblum as well... but his season was kinda... meh

2002 - Los Simuladores (The Pretenders - Argentina)

What if there was a group of people to solve any kind of situations? And what if this situations are quite basic, borderline stupid, like meeting the in-laws, giving a hard exam at the end of the year and such?

This is it, that's the plot.

This was a huge hit back in the day but it took me a decade (almost) to watch because if you knew argentinean tv and film as I do... you wouldn't believe that there are actually some good ideas burried very very deep in the mud.

2002 - Monk

A detective with OCD is soooo good at his job but cannot be a detective again because of it (it got worse once his wife died in a attack). Fun and wholesome... maybe it did dragged for too long.

And no matter what... we are Sharona stans in this house!

2002 - CSI Miami.

Just like CSI I watched it just to make fun of it (and because in cable they will put all CSIs together in one afternoon so it was easier to compare them).

At least this one didn't take itself too seriously!

2003 - Tru Calling

Med student has a weird ability where dead people can reach her and make her repeat the day to try and save their lives.

It ended too soon on a great cliffhanger that we will never see resolved. Damn it!

2004 - Lost

We all know Lost... it started great... and it ended.

Luckily for me the TV channel where I was watching it stopped after season 4 and I never bothered to try and catch up again.

2004 - House MD

Sherlock Holmes goes to med school and instead of solving crimes, he solves impossible diagnostics.

Gotta give it to Hugh Laurie for beeing a lovable a-hole the whole time.

It did lasted too long for me, I didn't watch the final seasons but I did watched a few mixed up episodes in cable so I kinda know what happens after, lets say... season 4? (the final one I've watched, maybe).

2004 - CSI New York

Same as the others. Just watched for Gary Sinise and Edward Furlong's guest appearence.

2004 - Miss Marple

I was never a fan of Miss Marple in writting... but on TV she is less annoying.

How come she is never suspicious? She's always around when a crime happens!

2005 - Invasion

Does anybody else remembers this TV show set after the Katrina hurricane that, apparently, also uncovered a race of aliens living underwater that have a body-snatching way of taking over the world? It's only 1 season, got cancelled I believe and I watched it on TV at 6 or 7 AM while getting ready to go to school. Ah, old times!

2005 - Mosca & Smith (Argentina)

(Mosca can be translated as "Fly" -the bug- but in this case is the character's Last Name so I'll leave it as it is)

Buddy cop with two overly eccentric characters. A silly comedy with some really in-depth meta humor of argentinean justice system. Some jokes are in poor taste... and I think it got raunchier in it's second season (I didn't watched it because one of the leads was replaced and the 2nd actor didn't had the same punch)

2005 - Bones

A forensic anthropologyst helps the FBI to solve crimes.

This is the BrainTM taken to an extreme. Dr. Temperance Brennan just can't be good at eeeeeverything. This kinda changed as seasons passed but still... who says smart people is always entirely clueless about how to be a normal human? And why so egocentric? (Most truly smart people are usually super-humble because they know that there is a lot more to learn).

In any case, it is fun. Watched on TV (earlier seasons) and continued on bootleg DVD.

2006 - Ugly Betty

The main reason why I didn't listed Betty, la fea in here it's because it is a telenovela (soap opera) everybody in Latinoamérica watched it. Some things are not so good (maybe I'll write about it one day) but overall it had a good story.

Those dubious things got changed in the U.S version... and it changed the whole story. It was easier to create something new than trying to bring people on board using a name that is well beloved to a certain ethnicity... just saying.

2007 - El Hombre que volvió de la muerte (The man that came back from Death -Argentina)

Think of a mash up of The Count of Montecristo and V for Vendetta.

It was a remake of a TV show done in the 60s... 70s? By Narciso Ibañez Menta, a Spanish actor that was naturalized as argentinean and was our very own mix of Boris Karloff (with his love for make up) and Vincent Price (he did a lot of Edgan Allan Poe stories as well). The original story was about Elmer Van Hess, who was subject to different experiments. The lab caughts on fire, he's inside and survives. For whatever reason his organs end up being given to other people so he embarks on a quest to retrieve them.

The remake also had Elmer Van Hess who was a happy fool about to get married, his boss and associates set him up and ends up in prision for fraud. Not happy with that, his boss strikes a deal with a Doctor so Elmer can be his human guinea pig (in order to do so, he asks other inmates to torture him while in prision so his only escape would be to go with the Doctor). He's experimented on as results he gets superhuman strenght and, of course, the chemicals affect his brain turning him into a very dark and blood-lust creature. The lab is set on fire, everybody thinks he died but he comes back 10 years later ready to take revenge on all of them. He was very cruel and his idea of revenge was very Saw-like... but deep down he's still in love with his almost-wife and she's the only one that can sort of ease him in the worst moments.

For an argentinean fiction it was very good.

2008 - Fringe

The X Files but even crazier? You got it.

Mom and I did got lost after season 4... but we still have the bootleg DVDs, it's just that we should start all over again and we don't have a lot of time 😝

2008 - The Mentalist

A guy is so good at reading people that decides to ripp them off saying that he's a medium. He got the wrong guy, this guy kills his family so now it's personal!

Patrick Jane's quirks might be amusing in the early episodes but after a while you, just like everyone else on the show, will want to punch him in the face.

From my little corner of the Earth I scream: Justice for Cho!! He also deserved a happy ending!

2009 - Doll House

A bunch of people got their memories wiped and now they receive other memories (fabricated sometimes) to take on dangerous tasks.

Dubious consent galore... but overall the premise was engaging. It lasted 3 seasons, the third one included a time-jump... the end didn't quite landed for me but... meh! It's entertaining at least.

2009 - Flashfoward

The entire world fainted at the same time. Everybody had visions of the future... so now some things need to be prevented for whatever reason.

Only one season, got cancelled. I don't remember a thing except the tribute to one of Jorge Luis Borges stories (El Jardín de los senderos que se bifurcan/ The garden of paths that bifurcate) and another to David Bowie's song Scary Monsters and Super Creeps. That's all I remember, I swear.

2009 - Modern Family

Sitcom that broke some barriers on what a typical family looks like. It's fun...but yeah, it also bored me.

Note to everybody: not all latinos sound like Sofía Vergara... not even Sofía Vergara sounds like Sofía Vergara the whole time.

[dracophile]

For ao3 writing thing

🍓🍹🍄

Yay, someone sent some! :D

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I believe I was in middle school, early 2000s. I rented a book called Dragon's Bait by Vivien Vande Velde from my local library. This book probably had a bigger impact on me than a certain wizard book ever did. I loved it, it started my obsession with dragons, and It ended in such a way that the main characters, Alys and Selendrile, could continue to have many adventures together and eventually fall in love. But it didn't show that part, which i found frustrating at the time. I started daydreaming and imagining those adventures, writing them down in an old notebook. That's right, I wrote analog fanfiction. Mainly because I was like 11 and I had no idea that was a thing on the internet yet. Eventually by browisng I found the old FF.Net, before it coroded away, and live journal and all that and started reading fics for anime I liked, then I finally got the courage to start writing. Dragon's Bait still remains one of my favorite books though (I also like Never Trust a Deadman, Heir Apparent, Companions of the Night by the same author)

I...can't find 🍹??? It looks like a combo of 🥤and 🧃(both drinks with straws?) so...I'll just do both

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

It feels like forever since I've sat and read a fanfic tbh...besides a one shot here and there. But I will say, @fairy-writes is great! I don't know some of the series she writes for, but she does a lot of readerxcharacter here on tumblr and what I read is compelling and emotional with great characterization. Book authors, I already recommended Vivian Vande Velde for a good all ages book. For a bit more adult books, I like Maria V. Snyder's books, Gail Carriger, and Lynn Flewelling

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

Personal lore about me? Um...When I was young, like ages 10, 11, and 12, my parents sent me to horse riding camp during the summer. I love horses, but I wasn't a horse girl. It's just, y'know, Texas and it was an easy one to find nearby and if i had to do summer camp I wanted to be able to ride a horse. Well, that year i was twelve, they decided to try and scare us with the story of a psycho in the woods. Except one of the counselors took it too far and ransacked the cabins a little (no damage but messing stuff up) and then tapping on the windows to scare us. A lot of us were scared and one girl started crying. The councilor in our cabin then told her it wasn't real and they were just trying to scare us, and I overheard her. I had two flashes of emotion then: Anger and the desire for revenge. And I don't know how I thought of this so fast--maybe because I'd started watching horror movies by now and liking them--but I asked her "So who was dragging the sack through the woods by the campfire?" I didn't see that, but I was so adamant I saw that and had such a docile reputation that the counselor ran off to talk to the head counselor. I saw their flashlights in the night. It was the last day of camp anyway but no one got much sleep. One counselor did ask if I lied before my mom came and I said "It's just a story, calm down." I told my mom i probably shouldn't go back again though. That's the only time I've ever gaslit someone I swear XD

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

I don't know of NIck/Sloane would count since Sloane is my OC so like...it's all headcannon there. Since most of my stuff written (well, all of it right now) on A03 is Grimm though, let's go with that. My other favorite ship is Monroe and Rosalee so let's see...I've gone into some on the fic...

One i haven't explored too much is their differences in diet. At the start of their relationship, Monroe would bend over backwards and almost hide his veganism because he'd had issues in the past with others finding it tedious or annoying. He's usually very proud of it, but he doesn't want Rosalee doing the same thing. Eventually, Rosalee had to confront him because his nervousness was making her more anxious than anything. She told him she was fine with him being vegan as long as he was fine with her not being vegan, and Monroe was adamant that he didn't want Rosalee to change a thing. He gets used to the smell of cooking meat again and they find side dishes they can share happily, and sometimes she made an all vegan meal she would enjoy as well. However, after one evening where he woged after an after dinner kiss and had to go on a run, he asked she brush her teeth after dinner just to be safe because the left over taste of meat set off a little blood lust. Rosalee now keeps her teeth very clean after meals.

[the-silver-peahen-residence]

||Demon check-up part 8||

Hi everyone, Peahen mom here with another drabble to the Demon check-up mini series. If you wish to read the following chapters, they are below this:

~~Chapters~~

Part one

Part two

Part three

Part four

Part five

Part six

Part seven

((Your reading part eight right now))

||Drabble Summary||

The game was over after all that, seeing all fractions have been caught and treated by Dr. Akiko. They were healed up and fully well or mentally scared. So, all was well..or was it? If you wanna know why, read to find out.

||Warning||

~This is half funny/scary type of drabble

~crying/freaking out is present in drabble

~scared demons are present in this with a crazy happy doctor

~quick death and revival will happen during this drabble

((Guests in this drabble))

Yuuka Nakano, Ashley Butterfly, Rex oxford mills, Willow, and Jinx along with their fractions belong to me.

Van ink, Kali, Joshua, Fin, Ethan, Guam along with their fractions are in this. They belong to @demon-blood-youths

((Just a heads up: Grammar is not good and their will be heavy mistakes but this was written for fun so please enjoy. ))

After a few more hours, the check up for this year is finally done. Akiko was happily smiling at everyone who was sitting down looking too scared to speak. Even the remaining members of the DBT who got treated for it. They didn't say anything now scared once more.

"See? That wasn't so bad right? You guys are doing well and is treated from any wounds." she smiled sweetly to them but they only mutters not sure on how to answer that.

"Thank you Ophelia for helping me, same for the healers and the young ones." she smiled seeing Ophelia get head pets while giggling.

"Of course. I'm glad to hear that everyone is well. See guys? It was all over before you know it."

"Y..Yeah..t..that's n..nice.." Maggie grumbles while everyone was quiet. However, that's when Ophelia already unlocked the windows and doors so everyone can leave.

"Though, I hope we see you guys in the next check up." Akiko giggled sweetly to them but they only got more scared hoping to never see her in the next one.

"Yeah, thank you for everything Doctor!" Ink said happily.

"Yeah, thanks!" Jinx smiled.

"Y..Yeah, thank you.." Willow said.

"...R..right.." Ethan mutters.

"T..true. T..thank you." Fin said.

"Thanks.." Joshua said.

"T.t..t..thank....y..y..you.." Ashley whispered.

"Thanks doctor.." Rex said in a silent tone.

"Yeah..thanks.." Kali said.

"......thanks.." Yuu mutters looking down.

"Yeah, thank you....v..very much." Guam said.

"Your welcome sweeties! I Hope you enjoy your afternoons today!" she said as the fractions leave the building. In their minds though.

'NEVER..AGAIN!'

~~~~Outside of the Hospital~~~~~~

"Thank god we are out!" Fin said as everyone was sitting down but was trying to mentally relax from it. However, they only see some looking disturbed.

"Yeah, now we get why you guys were scared of her." Fin said rubbing his arms. "I hope we don't see her again for her treatment.."

"You and me both.." Guam said as everyone was trying to relax.

"Well, a...at least we are out and done.." Ashley said.

"True..but that reminds me.." Kali glares but grabs Navarro's jacket as he yelps to see some angry few. "As for you.."

"I know, I know! I'm sorry! I did say I would find a way to make it up to you guys for ditching you! I'm really sorry!" he said in a panic but he sees how angry some were due to it.

"You are so dead you know that right!? How could you!" she said as Navarro looks to the side.

"You can't blame me for that! I just panicked and...I don't know!" he said but Kali drops him as he slowly sits up to brush the dirt off his clothes.

"Whatever. You don't have to owe us back but that was a dick move of you." Rex said with arms crossed, seeing Navarro lower his head.

"I know..and I'll find a way to make it up to you guys.."

"Oh no, we know someone else will. You did ditch her and she's not happy.." Willow said but Navarro blinks before he remembers. "Oh shit.." He looks over seeing Jinx seeing her team alright but he sighed to stand up but goes to them as the cursed vixens saw him but Echo was looking ahead.

".....Umm...Echo?" she heard his voice but didn't face him. The fractions wonder what she'll say or do. "Look, I'm so sorry that I ditched you. I just...panicked and freaked out! I really didn't want to ditch you..I..." he saw her not saying anything.

"B..but I'm glad you got out and your fine! But I got the treatment too so we are-"

Suddenly, the fractions wince from a sound as the girls gasped and Shdwkyz had his eyes wincing from the punch seeing this. Navarro was holding his nose as Echo punched him in the face! She looks down but was silent.

"OWWWW!! ECHO WHAT THE FUCK-"

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!" she shouted glaring at him but she goes to grab his shirt to look at him. His green eyes met with angry red eyes from her normal green. Yeah, the elemental bomber was pissed.

"I.."

"You got the treatment yeah but what the fuck?!?"

"If you just listen to me-"

"NO! YOU FUCKING DITCHED ME! YOU SERIOUSLY WERE FUCKING SCARED THAT YOU WOULD DITCH EVERYONE THAT ARE YOUR FRIENDS!? EVEN ME!!" she shouted shaking him while he winces feeling blood running down his nose.

"W..wait wait wait! I'm sorry I just-"

"OH sure you are! Your fucking sorry but you think getting treated by that..that witch helps!? Do you have any idea how painful it was when you ditched us!? and Me!! Me, of all people!!" she shouted but looks at him. "I should fucking bomb your ass to the moon and down into the ground you traitor!" She really was angry but Navarro grips her wrists to see her angry.

"HEY GET OFF MY BACK! I SAID I WAS SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DITCH ANYONE! I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF A PLAN TO GET AWAY FROM THAT CRAZY DOCTOR!" he shouted back.

"WELL, YOUR IDEA FAILED AND WE ALL GOT TREATED ANYWAY! WHAT SORT OF PERSON DITCHES THEIR OWN FRIENDS!" she shouted back.

"HEY, IT WAS TRYING TO SURVIVE AND NOT GET KILLED-"

"THE FUCK WITH THAT!!" she shouted back.

"Guys, I think you both should calm down-"

"STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS, SHDKWYZ!" They shouted as he was shut down to be silent.

'Geez...'

"You seriously need to work on that if your planning on ditching your friends and people you care about, Navarro! I can't believe you!" she said mad.

"Again, WHY!? Haven't you seen how things work in horror movies! Most that stay and help end up being killed! I was thinking smart and trying to make a plan-"

"Which still failed you dumb ass!" she growls but looks at him. "You still ditched everyone. You still left us to that witch! And now you expecting the ones you ditched to forgive you? Oh sure, I'm sure they did after calming down! Well not me! I can't forgive you for that!!!!" she said each word jabbing his chest but he looks quiet.

"I'm still angry with you!! You seriously don't care and yet you were ditching everyone like you were saving your own ass! I didn't know you would be that low to ditch everyone and ME! I wouldn't ditch you even if I was scared and you did with everyone and me!!!" she said as Navarro looks down but he closed his hand into a fist.

"You let fear get to you and you ended up doing this just like back then!? What the hell is wrong with you and thinking it's fine to ditch them. Do you not care!?"

"I DO CARE! WHAT IS THIS SOME FUCKING LECTURE?! I SAID I WAS SORRY DAMN IT! YOU DON'T NEED TO RUB IT IN! I ALREADY GOT THAT ASSHOLE *points at Shdwkyz* DOING THAT ANYWAY! I DON'T NEED YOU DOING IT TO ME TOO!" he said but he was still mad.

"BECAUSE YOU-"

"JUST STOP AND FUCKING LISTEN TO ME YOU HARDHEADED FUCKING MORON!!" he shouted back glaring at her.

"I DON'T NEED YOU NOR ANYONE ELSE TREATING LIKE I'M ALWAYS GONNA FREAK OUT!! I'M NOT A TRAITOR!!! I DON'T NEED YOU WORRYING ABOUT ME!!!! BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND ANYWAY BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE TOO GIRLY OF YOU SINCE YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO BE TREATED AS A EQUAL!!!?"

"......"

"WHY DON'T YOU STOP FUCKING SHOUTING AT ME LIKE YOU HAVE A STUCK UP YOUR ASS AND JUST DROP IT!!! I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO FUCKING PUNCH ME ALL BECAUSE I FUCKING DITCHED YOU!! WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE AND FEEL LIKE YOU WERE MOST HURT!? I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR SYMPATHY ALRIGHT!? WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP SHOUTING AT ME, GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK, AND GROWN A BACK BONE, YOU FUCKING LOUD SHOUTING BITCH!!!" he screamed but Echo's eyes widen hearing this.

"........." The girls were shocked hearing that but said nothing as Echo looks down to slowly calm down. However, he looks at her confused before her upper part of her face was hidden by her wild blond hair.

Navarro was panting from his anger but he looks confused seeing Echo say nothing. However, his own eyes widen thinking of what he said to cover his mouth. Shit. Shit shit shit!!

"...W..Wait, Echo, I didn't mean-"

"............Save it. I think you did." she said looking angry but Echo was...crying? Wait, she was crying!? Navarro was about to say something but Echo turns to walk off to be alone.

"Echo! Wait!" he said about to stop her but stops seeing something thrown at his feet to fall back. He sees her holding a energy bomb as she was looking ahead.

"Echo!"

"JUST FUCK OFF ALREADY NAVARRO!" she said before rushing off.

"ECHO!! WAIT, COME BACK!" Jinx said as she and the cursed vixens goes to follow her worried. However, the other fractions were shocked at what Navarro just did. He didn't say anything but watches her leave. Though, he did see where she threw the bomb at that it almost hit him to look silent and down.

'Fucking damn it..what have I done?' he thought. The fractions said nothing but Ink had her arms crossed. Seems like the afternoon took a wrong turn here.

[viir-tanadhal]

Listened to the new Lost EP songs (except living in the past which was out before) for the first time a few hours ago - Here's my first, full song impressions under the cut because I wrote a lot

The Lost Room: When they said what the inspiration of the song was (The Young Törless), I expected the music to reflect that too and have a darker sound to it. Instead, it's much lighter, but even so it has an eeriness to it I really like befitting the themes. The lyrics have a very literary style to them too with a crypticness surrounding this "the lost room" and what goes on in it. I think Neil captures the themes of the book/film very well without going into detail about what the narrator is put through explicitly. All in all, it lives up to how much they've talked about this song and wanting to release it in some form and I'm glad it saw the light of day on this EP.

I will fall: ok this is the song I knew I'd probably like before having to hear any of it because I always love their love songs. I can see why stuart price would call it "twee" because of the lyrics but one of my favorite songs from hotspot is you are the one which you could argue lyrically is like that too so of course I love this song. Neil writes yearning and romantic lyrics v well where it just feels very authentic and from his own experience and feelings - While he assumes characters very often in songs, he always puts himself and his experiences in them, and I feel like this song has some of that. It's also interesting the use of "I will fall" because of the whole Love Comes Quickly vs You Choose debate - I will fall fits into that category of falling for the other person right away in the moment, that it's somewhat out of your control, rather than the more pragmatic approach in You Choose of choosing to fall in love and choosing whether to act on it. Now I'm a bit sad this wasn't included on Hotspot, it would've fit right in with you are the one and only the dark, plus it's musically similar to happy people in a way. but I'm guessing they chose you are the one instead as the songs are fairly similar and that song has more connections to Berlin than this one. Also, given the timing of the song being written, it's interesting to think of this song as a prequel to you are the one, where that song is after the narrator has arrived to see this other person and they are committed to one another forever (also gets me wondering if the dancier version of YATO was like this too....) Even though it's a bit cheesy, Neil always delivers with love songs and I will fall for it every time :)

Skeletons in the closet: I mean, it was apparently written with their musical in mind, so of course it was going to be a little campy and full of double meaning ("padlock on the drawer" is the line where i went 👀) with that title. "Skeletons in the closet" is such a psb kind of phrase that I'm surprised it's taken this long for Neil to incorporate it. This is one I'm looking forward to hearing their commentary on because I have some idea about what the lyrics might be alluding to (the use of history and that the musical takes place late 90s-2000 gives me some ideas...) but I'm not sure without having the lyrics written out but otherwise I like it as is and Neil saying "shake and rattle those bones" kills me but in a good way

Kaputnik: Neil spoken verses are back helloooo. Right off the bat I like the piano chords on this. Obviously this song is prescient ("my tanks will drive and park on your lawn... and crush all of your flowers") and I feel like it has a nice partnering with The Dictator Decides on Super (again, like a prequel in a sense). Like Skeletons in the Closet, this is one I'd like to see the lyrics for to fully form an opinion and view of the song. The repetition of "kaputnik" doesn't bother me either as the chorus because this is a more verse driven type of song anyway. While it's my least favorite probably of the 4 new songs, I do still like it and the structure of the song.

I like all of thr music of the songs as well, Chris did a good job making it fit all of the songs, with Kaptunik's more minimal and simplistic soundscape, to the kind of bones-rattling invocation on Skeletons in the closet. They're all very well done and polished demos and I wish they had gotten b-side or album track releases as I feel like they all have great bases and the lyrics are all well done but I'm glad they've been collected together on this EP.

[mariemariemaria]

Books read in 2023:

Molly Sweeney (Brian Friel)

If Cats Disappeared from the World (Genki Kawamura)

Remembering Light and Stone (Deirdre Madden)

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (Taylor Jenkins Reid)

Small Things Like These (Claire Keegan)

The Vegetarian (Han Kang)

The Forester’s Daughter (Claire Keegan)

One by One in the Darkness (Deirdre Madden)

Foster (Claire Keegan)

The Dark (John McGahern)

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali (Sabina Khan)

Agatha Raisin and the Terrible Tourist (M.C. Beaton)

The Thursday Murder Club (Richard Osman)

The Travelling Cat Chronicles (Hiro Arikawa)

The Furthest Distance (Lucy Caldwell)

The Last White Man (Mohsin Hamid)

Convenience Store Woman (Sayaka Murata)

Lies of Silence (Brian Moore)

The Plough and the Stars (Seán O'Casey)

Before the Coffee Gets Cold (Toshikazu Kawaguchi)

So Late in the Day (Claire Keegan)

Burnt Out: How 'The Troubles' Began (Michael McCann)

My Year of Rest and Relaxation (Ottessa Moshfegh)

Not for Profit: Why Democracy Needs the Humanities (Martha C. Nussbaum)

What You Are Looking for is in the Library (Michiko Aoyama)

Diary of a Young Naturalist (Dara McAnulty)

Coraline (Neil Gaiman)

Reflections and some discussion under the cut

As u can see I had a Claire Keegan Deirdre Madden phase at the start of the year.....they're both good authors and Madden is v underrated imo (though Remembering Light and Stone was a little underwhelming for me, but still memorable).

My goal was 25 books and I'm happy I reached it. Reading books was something I loved as a child, but for various reasons I got very out of the habit and it got to the stage where I was really struggling to concentrate on reading novels for even a short period of time. But over the last couple of years I've been sloooowly getting back into the habit and so this year I privately set myself this challenge and while it did keep me motivated because I wanted to reach it, it also wasn't a burden and I really enjoyed being a bookworm again. I thought a few times about getting Goodreads again but I honestly think that it was one of the many things which put me off reading in the first place. I don't like feeling like I have to read fifty or a hundred or more books, and there is pressure to do that, and personally I do not feel that I can always sum up my feelings on a book neatly out of five stars.

Some of my faves this year were: Small Things Like These; One by One in the Darkness, The Thursday Murder Club; Convenience Store Woman; Before the Coffee Gets Cold; Burnt Out. Though I liked most of the books I read this year and I kinda just want to keep adding to this list.

My least faves: The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali (it was not the best written but not the worst, I liked aspects of it but others...not so much); Agatha Raisin (though I was expecting it to be well written lol); Lies of Silence (I have literally no idea how that book got shortlisted for the Booker Prize. It was meant to be a thriller but it was dull and predictable. RIP to the female characters' potential. I half wonder if I missed something because it seems to be on the LC curriculum, but there are so many more better books that deal with similar issues, like One by One in the Darkness by Deirdre Madden for example).

DNF (and do not really want to finish): Asking For It by Louise O'Neill. No doubt an important book and well written, but just too graphic for me.

I think I'm gonna keep the goal of 25 books for this year, but branch out a bit more. A lot of the books I didn't get finished last year were non-fiction, so I'll finish them and then add them to my 2024 list (is that cheating? lol idrc), and try to read other non fiction books and memoirs. Also, just over half of the books I read were Irish (14 books - 52 odd per cent), and while I LOVE Irish fiction (somebody talk to me about Deirdre Madden please) and the non-fiction books I read were really important and felt quite personal (Diary of a Young Naturalist gave me a greater appreciation for local wildlife, and was fun to read because I've been to many of the places the author described, and Burnt Out should be read by anybody who wants to understand The Troubles and made me think of my own family's experience, as well as appreciate impressive historical research done by a non-university academic) but I could probably do with exploring other cultures and histories more. So I'll try to do that. I'd also like to read more poetry, but I can't just sit down and read a book of poetry the same way I can a novel, I must spend days and weeks analysing a poem and going insane over it. I may or may not read a poetry book over a few months...we shall see.

[nanuk-dain]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

A huge thank you to @ableedingpen for tagging me. It's my very first time doing something like this, and it's so much fun ^_^

How many works do you have on ao3?

301. Although I have some fics posted as a series and additionally as a chaptered fic, so it's probably three or four works less than that.

What's your total ao3 word count?

2,478,092. But again, some fics are posted twice in a different format, so it's less.

What fandoms do you write for?

More than I can count... The big ones are Generation Kill, Band of Brothers, Pacific Rim, Lord of the Rings, The Mummy, RED, Bourne Trilogy, Rambo (yes, really, you read that correctly XD), Avengers, NUMA, Oregon Files, The Sinking of the Laconia...

But I also have tons of really small and rare fandoms and if I name them all, we'll be here a while ;D

For the past three years I've been mostly active in Generation Kill, though.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Primal Instinct (9-1-1): 2.132

A Never-Ending Dance (The Mummy): 1.110

Marks (The Mummy): 910

More Than A Thousand Words (Avengers): 637

Claim (Fast and Furious): 473

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Or at least I try. I'm not always as good at it as I wish I was... I always feel terrible when I haven't replied to a comment, because somebody took the time to write me and I want to honour that because it means the world to me. I love comments so much, and I think that the least I can do is to tell that to the person who left me a wee word.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Of Losses and Promises, no doubt. Although it's not necessarily the ending, but the fic itself.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Too many to count, I guess? But I think that In An Ideal Word, Things Would Have Been Different qualifies, especially given the WWII setting and the stuff I put the poor guys through.

Do you get hate on fics?

I never did - until I got some really strange comments on an Avengers fic by an anonymous commenter (no AO3 account) a few weeks ago. I was really bewildered, because it wasn't really blind hate or something. I think they just got really upset, but they took the time to write long and detailed comments that said not one single good thing about the fic. Since it was a fic of almost 32k and the first comment was on chapter 3, I just wondered why the heck they kept reading it if they found it so horrible... Don't like, don't read. It's that easy. Just walk away for your own sanity.

I still haven't decided how to proceed with those comments. On one hand I don't want that under my fic, but deleting it feels wrong too, because it wasn't pure hate just to be spiteful, but somebody who felt really triggered in a way I still don't get... Replying to it is probably pointless, but maybe I will sit down done day and write an objective, reasonable reply. I don't know.

Do you write smut?

*cackles* Oh, you could say that. I think my longest smut scene to date (yes, just one scene) is about 17k... I tend to go into detail and then include the mushy feelings and all the sensations that the five senses feed into the brain and boom, you get a really long juicy scene. Happens to me all the time ^_^V

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Rarely, because I'm not a big fan of crossovers. They need to be really well done in order to work (for me, at least), and the only occasion where I really really really had to write a crossover is Touched, which is Generation Kill and Band of Brothers, where I get Doc Bryan and Doc Roe to meet, but without changing the canon timelines or playing with time travel or something like that - so old medic meets and mentors young corpsman, with some extra plot thrown in. Well, who doesn't love the HBO War medics...? ;D

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No. Not that I know of, anyway. So I hope not? My art gets reposted without permission quite a lot, though. Even had some of my manips manipped over by somebody and they cut out my signature. That sucked.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Several. I think there's Chinese, German, Russian and Spanish among the languages some fics got translated into.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not before a few weeks ago, when @mac-and-geese and I started a wee pet project. It's still in the works, but it will be awesome!

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Oh dear, how am I supposed to answer that? There are so many fantastic pairings out there...

If I look at it from a reader's perspective, then it's Fraser/RayK from dueSouth. In the fandoms I write for, I would have to say Ray Person/Doc Bryan from Generation Kill.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Actually, I don't have one that I doubt I will ever finish. It may take time (because damn my busy RL, and why do I have to work to pay rent?!?), but I will finish all of them (to be fair, I only have four wips that I have posted). I'm tenacious like that. I simply can't bear leaving things unfinished. It eats me up inside, so I finish my fics for the sake of my inner peace alone XD

What are you writing strengths?

I think I'm quite good at crawling into many different character's minds, getting comfy there, absorb their personality and then write from their POV. Even for characters I don't actually like.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm too wordy. I just can't keep it short. I don't think I'll ever be able to write a drabble, not even if my life depended on it...

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it's one of my languages, okay, but if it's one I'm not able to speak, it's bound to end up being very wrong and cringy (yes, google translate, I'm looking at you). Especially if it's longer sections of dialogue I prefer to mark it in some way that there's a language switch, like italics or something like that, and still write it in English. It's easier to read for people, and not everybody will know the respective language, so it'll screw up the flow. I personally hate having to search for the translation at the end of the fic, so I don't do that to my readers. I have no issues with using words/nicknames etc in another language, though, especially when they're easily understandable or I can include the meaning/translation in the story.

First fandom you wrote for?

Lord of the Rings, Éomer/Haldir. No, wait, before that there was a Pirates of the Caribbean fic that was so bad that I don't even have it anymore and I'm glad that the archive where I posted it doesn't exist anymore XD

Favourite fic you've written?

Oh my, that's difficult... I think I'd have to say Like A Kitten On Truth Serum because it's the funniest fic writing experience I've had so far. If we go for the other end of the spectrum, then Of Losses and Promises is probably my favourite sad/angsty fic I've written so far.

All right, so my turn to tag (I hope I'm doing it right): @anthrobrat @mac-and-geese @jenkil @bookishdea

[wigglebox]

#i miss the days of wild and wacky theories : (#i mean yeah we were often Disappointed™ (derogatory)#but the headcanons and AUs we came up with were fun !!!#remember Season Gr8 bc we were ready for a full season of Destiel In Purgatory? :')#but yeah like i said in the replies#modern fandom has been FUCKED by the binge-watching model created by streaming and i fucking HATE THIS#and it is SUPER APPARENT with SPN bc of how long this show ran and how many fans it had and how many fans it still has#and the In The Trenches Fandom™ is very much contrasted with the large amt of ppl that got into it after November 5th™#heck like i came back after a 5yr hiatus and my gf got Actually Into It for the first time#but I Was There When It Was Written™ and my gf may not have been into SPN but was still on tumblr and into at least the Who and the Lock#a lot of ppl just don't know how long-running shows work and how SPN is such a fucking. case study. of a long-runner#it makes BtVS/AtS and SG1 look short#SUPERNATURAL RAN LONGER THAN BUFFY AND ANGEL COMBINED AND AS LONG AS STARGATE AND ATLANTIS COMBINED#(not counting Universe bc that one was v diff and nowhere near as popular as The OG™ and The One People Were Obsessed With The Shipping™)

yeah and even the people who had been gone for years but came back for or just after 1518 they still had that in the trenches experience and i wasn't here when season 8 was live but i was here the summer between it and season 9 and honestly the fandom was so large back then as well on here that even me, in my little Glee corner, would constantly see SPN posts [one of the reasons why i started watching was because of gifs i saw of the angels falling]

but yeah like even coming in after season 8 i would still see those destiel in purgatory AUs and i STILL read them. purgatory became one of my favorite places for them and i was SOOO HAPPY when they fell back into it for 15x09.

and yeah, I hate streaming culture because of this because I also feel like, given how short seasons are with streaming, there seems to be this gradual decline in nuance and coding and layering in TV shows, and it's just bam bam bam bam without much thinking needing to be done [this is actually why i don't like The Boys all that much bc there's so many deep characters to explore but there are so many and only 8 episodes]

SPN really was an anomaly because a very genre show like that on a network like that without a young cast like the rest of the shows around it -- i know it had almost been canceled a few times but it really stood the test of time for a reason!

imagine tho if the world of SPN kept having spin offs and spin offs so it lasts as long as all the star trek and stargate stuff lmao

there's a thing i wish newer fans of spn could have experienced and that is when the show was airing, week to week, and for years and years on this website or on LJ or on twitter or wherever, coming up with speculation and meta posts and trying to follow the clues as to what this show was giving us in terms of material.

i'll admit some folks probably took it too far and didn't understand that just because the show didn't do 100% what they thought it was going to do, that it wasn't baiting or that they didn't know what they were doing — however for the most part, for a lot of us, it was just fun.

and i say this because fans that were brand new fresh once the show ended didn't get to experience that, it was all catch up and a post-show fandom environment for the last 4 years. the winchesters provided a bit of that rush again but it was so short lived that it was hard to get it going.

and why i think that experience is something good to have or at least understand that it's an experience that some people in this fandom have, is because it's gotten a lot of us used to not taking it all 1:1 face value. that is: we're used to things we think are going to happen not happening, we're used to the fact that our speculation and interpretations can be wrong, we're used to the fact that the people creating the stories have their own way of doing things, and while we think we know best, at the end of the day we're playing with the toys they left for us in the sandbox.

i don't think older fans are anything to sneer at or write off because even the ones who may have been the most jumpy during the show's airing have since grounded themselves and will essentially 'wait and see' how any continuation pans out, and also had that same approach with the winchesters and many folks i knew who took that approach were pleasantly surprised with that prequel.

not that we're The Wise Ones TM but that all that time in this fandom and interacting with the show did build this certain skillset for many and it's not that we're dumb, it's not that we're delusional or that we're always wrong about stuff, but that we learned how to have fun with it.

[moth-in-a-lightning-jar]

13 April: How important are routines to you? Are your routines more based on time ("I always do this at 6pm!"), on habits ("I always drink from this cup!") or both?

mostly habits. not good at telling time, so moth usually only does habit stuff. can only sit in certain chairs in certain situation, example. some are time related, but very general, such as "can only do this in afternoon."

14 April: If you learned to speak as a child, were you a late talker, average age, or did you speak at a really young age? If you never learned to speak, how do you communicate? For example an AAC device, sign language, a communication board, etc.

am not sure if were late or early, but think was normal. talking has always been weird for wylan, but when young was mostly hyperverbal.

15 April: If you can perceive the facial expression of others and learned to recognise the meaning to a degree, did you learn that in social skills training, by your own "hard work", or was it a mix of both? Are there patterns that you understand intuitively (for example recognising fear because it's not so different from how you behave when you feel fear)?

Can only percieve facial expressions of some people, mostly parents. had to learn bc parents expressions meant could avoid getting yelled at on bad days. didn't learn them conciously, but still had to work on it. with other people, cant really read expressions well.

17 April: If you can't perceive the facial expression of others (for example because you focus too much on details, struggle to perceive people in general, or because you're blind), do you pay attention to the tone of their voice? Can you hear if someone is angry if they don't tell you? - if this question doesn't apply to you, you have a day off! :)

usually use tone of voice or body language. when someone sounds angry, can often tell, but not always. body language helps. when friends have face in legs, or are shaking, wylan can assume they are sad. but not always correct.

19 April: Did your ability to express yourself improve or worsen/deteriorate over time? Or did it stay the same? Is it different depending on how you communicate (spoken language, written language, signed...)?

deteriorate. can express self worse now than before, because talking harder than before. can express better in sigh bc wylan can simplify sentence, but still have trouble.

20 April: If you can (or could when you were younger) say words with your mouth (echolalia counts), did/do you have a monotone or "odd" voice, speak too loudly/softly, etc.? Did/do you practice to modulate your voice?

couldnt regulate volume or tone of voice. was always talking too loud or soft, or sounded angry when wasn't. wylan had to practice to talk better, and still couldn't do it v good when speech started failing.

21 April: If you can (or could when you were younger) say words with your mouth, did/do you struggle to pronounce words or sounds? For example r, th, s, etc. - if this question doesn't apply to you, you have a day off :)

wylan had lisp as child, but other than that could pronounce things decent. think might have been worse at l sounds. would often omit them, like peas instead of please, but that went away.

22 April: If you can speak (the ability to use spontaneous speech (mouth words) to communicate in at least two-word sentences), do you experience speech loss/verbal shutdowns, etc.? Meaning that you normally can speak, but sometimes you suddenly can't anymore. Semiverbal/semispeaking people and unreliably speaking people (apraxia), you count as "speaking" if you can use spontaneous(!) speech most of the time.

wylan is part of system. some parts can talk better, but is very tiring, and lose speech often. also cannot always tell difference between spontaneous mouth words and not spontaneous, bc we use lots of echolalia and are good at repurpousing words. also in general mouth words getting harder to use, so wylan think system will stop spontaneous speech alltogether soonish.

[breadsandwiches]

Wanted to share my tdp playlists bc i honestly like how they turned out! 💃

Some of these were recommended by dragonprinceofficial! (a, c, v, s)

(Very in depth and thought provoking comments about my fave songs under the cut >>>)

AARAVOS

Time, Stars, Universe Pretty ethereal star god vibes

Play with Fire Whatever his beef with the Sunfire peeps, im enjoying it and am glad he is too. slay queen (literally)

Dishonored 2 Main Theme creepy ominous spider-spinning-its-web vibes ok?

Inside the Cage Listen to sexy mental breakdown song.

In the Palace ~ Agitato Creepy fucked up butterfly beast. For context watch HxH, its fun!!! 😀 (< dead inside) Also soundtrack for Aaravos losing his mind in prison and making his puppets dance till their feet bleed! 😍

Adore Adore The story can change at the roll of a dice babeyy 😎 no fr the lyrics are fire

Throne Wrath and violence on planat earth

Nosk Spider-pulling-in-its-prey vibes. Callum wyd 👁👁

Dark Matter The drama.. the vibes.. "bring me your soul bring me your ~HATE~" *insert elmo fire gif*

Black Train/End Credits ~piano~ Also death etc. etc. idek. damn should this be on viren or claudia's playlist instead? 🤔

CLAUDIA

Restless Year I always imagine her dancing or playing the bass to this. Also this song was literally written about her /lie

W.I.T.C.H. We all know this would be on her playlist in a modern au.

My Zero It's fine, she's just gradually losing grip of her family and also herself, she's losing her beginnings 😀👍 ok

Selfless "You're mucking off, but I will live for you, my selfless love". Screaming crying throwing up etc.

Fireflies Nothing to say here except that it's perfect.

A Victory of Love Objectively a bop. Songs that make me Ascend™

Galaxies Honestly im just rlly invested in the modern au where she's a bassist in a cool band and this is one of the songs theyd be playing. but also the lyrics kinda fit

Spanish Sahara She can have a little vengeance as a treat. Also trauma <3

Young and Tragic sad :( baby magefam feels :((

VIREN

The Unquiet Grave he's a corpse 👍

Werewolf Heart Thinking about Harrow, thinking about Lissa maybe. also those wolves and screams?? sir... 🧍‍♂️ Also sexy bass. what more do you want.

Mohammed Most sexy guitar ive ever heard ever im not joking. leave me alone

LA PAURA DEL BUIO lyrics fit pretty well. also this playlist has a criminal lack of angry rock songs

Fight Like Gods Lyrics and such

Way down We Go idk how to describe it without saying the word sexy again :/

The Sun Pretty 😳

Sleep Oughg (< relates a bit too much)

Ashes to Ashes idk man, its just pretty. like Viren <3 <3 <3

Into Dust damn ok tdpo

SOREN

Beautiful Day idk this just has Soren all over to me. the early sunrise wake up feeling, the hopeful optimism idk man

Uptown Funk Originally wasn't putting this in but it is Sooo S1-2 Soren. Also this

Back Against The Wall A+ rec from tdpo

Ode To The Mets I am so normal about this song so normal i listen to it a regular amount haha *insert one of those feral stick figures with blood all over*

Run Magefam feels 💃

Edge of Darkness Next on Songs that make me Ascend™. "I've got love in my heart for an army apart" :(

Fill Your Heart This is one of my fave songs ever its so joyful i love it and I love Soren

Obstacles This song is already Not Ok on its own, but combined with the Soren-Claudia feels it's an atrocity 👍 Songs for floating away on a river never to return

What's Up Ya boy might not always be the brightest but he's definitely the more emotionally intelligent one also i love him so much hhskvhvhhvhvhbv