#i was v young so it wasn't very well-written ^^"

[jedisupernova]

old school love with choi seunghyun

notes minors dni contains fem reader, non idol au, seunghyun and reader are in their early twenties, always written with plus size reader in mind as i am myself but anyone can read, takes place in the late 2000s (hence the mention of specific phones, references to certain media, songs linked throughout, and party culture,) awkward yet cute first meeting, this very much slice of life, slight angst (a silly misunderstanding during the meet cute, reader brings up insecurities from not being experienced), tooth rotting fluff, a few appearances from jiyong because yes!, mentions of smoking and drinking, reader is inexperienced (never been kissed, never been confessed to; seunghyun is her first love), reader has strict parents which leads to seunghyun and reader having to sneak around, seunghyun and reader are down bad, smut (over the phone, in the car, oral f receiving, dirty talk, foreplay, p in v), and some inevitable typos.

requested? no, this is an original idea! this was initially inspired by the mention of old school love in this song by zayn. i've always heard of the concept, and this is my take on it, told through vignettes of gentle young love. please request something if you'd like, and don't hesitate to check my pinned post. i love this man tenderly. please tell me you see the vision. enjoy!

new year's eve 2007. there's still three hours to midnight, and seunghyun's wondering why he chose to wear a hoodie with long sleeves underneath to a crowded house party. luckily he's got his own corner of the compact living room, standing between two friends he hitched a ride with there—his third being the host—so he aptly distracted himself from how hot it was with their banter as best he could, laughing into his red solo cup before taking a swig of whatever concoction his friend mixed for him in the kitchen earlier tonight. he hid his soured expression over the taste well, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve. seunghyun remembers asking for a rum and coke, and he can definitely taste the latter ... but he'd know his enemy smirnoff anywhere ... it was way too stuffy to move, so he humbly took the loss.

"there you fuckin' are!" seunghyun looked up to see jiyong, the one hosting who already looked as if the night had taken its toll. "holy shit, man. i've been looking everywhere for you guys!" seunghyun had to squint to hear him over the loud music. the fact there wasn't much lighting besides a few lamps and multi-colored rotating disco party lights didn't help either. "c'mon. she just got here—in the kitchen." jiyong motioned his head to the left, the trio following him into the crowd. the kitchen was much more well lit and slightly less congested, but seunghyun nonetheless had to put his weight against the fridge to grant enough room to stand comfortably. he offered a polite grin and wave to the friend group mainly comprised of women his age in front of him, the one in the middle introduced as jiyong's girlfriend. you were closest to the counter, the left of everyone, cracking open a hard seltzer you picked from the cooler stationed beside the sink. you grimaced after taking a sip, bringing the can to your eyes to see the flavor that wronged you: lime. "christ, that's horrible." you shook your head, expression soured.

seunghyun didn't overhear, because he was too busy looking over his shoulder in amazement upon hearing one of his suggestions for the party mixtape blare throughout the house. reverting his attention back with a smug grin on his face, his eyes fluttered past you tugging at the collar of your sweater, pulling at it repeatedly for what looked to be air flow. seunghyun wondered if the party felt like an oven to you, too, and if you overdressed like him, because he started fanning himself without realizing.

an hour later, he couldn't take it anymore. "be right back, i'm going out for a smoke." he told a friend sat beside him on the couch. he could not have cared less that it was below freezing outside, or that the leftovers from the snow storm three weeks ago had probably frozen over into patches of black ice littering the deck—he needed to cool off. he closed the sliding door with a relieved huff, the party now muffled. the feet of his sneakers crunched against the snow, hands pushing his hood off his head, fingers brushing through his sweaty hair. "holy shit." he muttered to himself, pulling his sleeves up to his elbows. seunghyun could see his breath when he exhaled, and goosebumps rose along his bare arms, but as far as he was concerned, he would stay out here to ring in the new year if it meant he wouldn't have to suffer a heatstroke inside. he walked to a spot behind the wooden railing framing the entirety of the deck, his hand reaching into his pocket for his marlboros. he took out a cigarette, hanging it between his lips, searching for his lighter next. it was then he looked up and saw you standing at your own spot along the railing some feet away, having looked over your shoulder to see who else had come outside.

it was too late to ignore, or act like you didn't see each other, so he did the favor of making things less awkward. or trying to, as any twenty-something year old hopes: seunghyun took the unlit cigarette out of his mouth. "hi," he spoke uncharacteristically quietly. "you're—" thank the universe he remembered her name, because the irrational nerves over making conversation were mounting quickly. "—friend, right?" you nodded. "you're jiyong's?" you asked. he smiled, nodding too. "i'm seunghyun. we met earlier, in the kitchen?" his tone asked if you remembered, his hand gesturing to the sliding door. "yes!" you responded a bit more enthusiastically than you intended to in your head, internally cringing. "i remember, i remember." you said, nodding. you didn't know what else to do. seunghyun must've felt the same, because he nodded at nothing.

you looked away from him, feeling flustered. he mimicked, hands balled up in his pockets. "you—" he cleared his throat. "you liking the party?" "hm?" you didn't expect him to continue the conversation. "yeah!" here you went again, sounding animated to the point that even he, a complete stranger, could tell you were over-compensating. "i mean," you let out a breath, shrugging your shoulders. "its okay. i don't really go to parties often, so i guess i could say i misjudged how hot it'd be to show up in a sweater with a thermal underneath." seunghyun exhaled through his nose, an upside down grin tugging at his lips. "i know." he agreed. "hot as shit in there, bro." you chuckled. "hot as shit indeed."

silence brewed. seunghyun didn't turn away, so you took it as your turn to fill the air. you pulled out the only card you had (bringing up a mutual friend,) even if he'd done so already: "how long have you—" the sudden dryness of your throat was certainly a sign from the universe to shut up, but it was too late to cut yourself off completely. you swallowed, continuing: "how long have you known jiyong?" "since we were kids. middle school, i think." seunghyun doesn't know why he implied he didn't know, because he certainly did. he also wondered why he nodded, again, at nothing. who boldfaced lied when they said your preteen years were the most awkward? because he wanted to curl into a ball right the fuck now. he was usually fine at making small talk, what was the difference now? why couldn't he stop nodding?? "how about you?" oh, great. now his voice was a noticeable octave higher, clearing his throat.

you knew what he meant. "we met each other our freshman year. she was in my first year seminar, and we kind of just clicked." "you go to school around here?" "mhm," you nodded. "the university that everyone we know goes to, it feels like." you quipped, making that upside down grin appear on his face again. "how about you?" "the community college that no one goes to." he answered, voice back to normal. "but i'm in the middle of transferring there, funnily enough." then ushered in another characteristically young adult conversation: your studies. it was standard and harmless. even so, you came across a different reason to break a sweat despite the bitter cold beginning to numb your cheeks, or the sharp, quick breaths through your periodically chattering teeth. seunghyun took a step closer to you in the midst telling an anecdote about the last exam he had before the holiday break, inadvertently putting himself in your direct line of view. you realized not only oh, wow. he's pretty tall, to yourself, lifting your head a little to look at him, but also oh, wow. he's pretty cute, when your eyes met. or when he continued looking at you, because he finished saying his piece some seconds ago, yet you hadn't said anything. the fleeting silence only made you become more flustered, really coming to terms with just how fine he is; all clashing with how you have no idea how to talk to someone this attractive.

"yeah, that sounds fucked up." you attempted to mask the fact that you did not process a word of what he just said with a chuckle, gaze lowering momentarily to your hands, tugging at your sleeves to shield them from the cold, or just to do something. the words felt foreign in your mouth—your inner monologue making you feel like you were trying too hard—though you weren't allergic to profanity whatsoever. seunghyun smirked to himself, his own gaze falling to the snowy deck, until you spoke: "i had, like, three exams all in one day—the day before break." you said, glancing up at him before chickening out, reverting back to your hands which were completely engulfed by your knit sweater. your thumb poked out of the sleeve, nail picking at a fraying thread. "i guess i'm still feeling the repercussions of it." the volume of your voice dwindled somewhat coupled your shy grin, your shoulders shrugging, looking up at him. even through his chuckle with a smile making the corners of his eyes kiss, or his affirming "its brutal. i get that.," you mentally berated yourself: holy shit, is that the best i can do? just continue talking about school? get yourself together!

the next bout of silence lasted for at most ten seconds, but with how you were scrambling, it felt like years; working against an invisible timer. unbeknownst to him, this was seunghyun's turn to look at you. the only word coming to mind was sweet. he was smart enough to put two-and-two together as to why you were, admittedly, visibly nervous as he's had a girlfriend before. he wasn't the type to use that to inflate his ego, but found it charming nonetheless. seeing the curvature of your cheeks when you looked down made his heart soften—his lips molding into that damn knowing grin—and it could've very well been the minute gust of wind, but the glint in your eyes when you looked at him, nodding politely ... he was a little taken aback. you were devastatingly adorable.

your eye caught the cigarette in his hand. "you smoke?" you blurted out without an iota of a thought, so quick that your tone was almost bland—a moment where the subconscious beat rationale. oh my god. you momentarily closed your eyes, shocked at yourself. are you kidding me? seunghyun held in a laugh, trying his best to wipe his smile off his face when you opened your eyes. you mistook it as a sign of second-hand embarrassment. "oh my god. i'm so sorry, i don't know why i said—" "—it's okay, you're good." seunghyun shook his head as further affirmation, waving his free hand. he had completely forgotten he was still holding the cigarette, anyway. "but, yeah. i do. sometimes." his face started to feel warm. not because he felt shamed, or belittled, or judged, but because he caught sight of your eyes again. he could've sworn they'd grown in the last fifteen seconds. "d—do you?" he suddenly became very aware of how deep his voice is. "my voice has always sounded like this." he explained, gesturing to his throat. he knew he was being irrational, but like you before, it was too late to cut himself off. "i'm not like—uh—dying, or anything." he brushed off with an animated chuckle.

you felt like the worst person in the world. the nervous smile on your face didn't move a millimeter. "i don't." you shook your head. "and it's okay! i didn't mean to—i like your voice." your eyes widened. seunghyun raised his eyebrows. "you do?" he couldn't hide his smile. he returned the boldness, even if yours was a slip of the mouth. "i like your face." he meant it. there isn't a timeline out there where that wouldn't be the truth. your surprised expression made him exhale through his nose, an admiring grin on his face. oh, he wanted you. flashes ran through his head: squishing what looked to be the softest cheeks in the world between his palms, pulling you close to his chest to help you warm up; pressing his cheek against yours as a makeshift heater since you've truly made him that flustered, and how you'd react upon him calling you "my girl." sure, he was moving a little quickly, considering he's just realized he never asked for your name, but that's what just crushes do. seunghyun could not help the dream-like state he entered, placing his hand on the railing, the unlit cigarette slipping from his fingers, lost in the grass below. you, on the other hand, were speechless. never before have you ever been flirted with—this was flirting, right? like, you weren't misreading anything, or making shit up? "you ... you do?"

before seunghyun could answer, the sliding door opened, the ruckus of the party no longer blocked out. "seunghyun!" it was jiyong. "it's thirty minutes 'til the ball drop. i need help setting up the champagne." jiyong saw you, nearly cowering at seunghyun's scathing look reading are you fucking serious? "m-my bad, you guys." jiyong laughed awkwardly, putting a hand up in surrender. "seunghyun, just come in whenever." the door closed, leaving you two alone again. you were sheepish out of your goddamn mind, unable to look at seunghyun, content with the fact that your eyes may just stay on the deck forever. "i meant it, by the way." you looked up. "hm?" "i like your face." seunghyun repeated. your full smile that appeared ... his knees might have buckled. "oh," a giggle left your lips. yeah, he was a goner. "thank you. i ... i like your face, too." your voice was gentle. it felt indescribable, flirting back. you weren't sure if you were doing it right, considering you were suddenly really interested in the shape of your pointer finger's nail bed right about now, thwarting this fire-pit of feelings in your chest ... to be desired, chatted up, or pursued like this ... by a fine ass man nonetheless ... after being sidelined for your whole life, watching your friends experience something you wanted so badly too. oh my goodness—maybe your friends weren't just trying to make you feel better when they told you ad nauseam that it comes when you least expect it. because out of everything, and you mean everything you expected to happen tonight, this wasn't even in the realm of the realm of the utmost realm of possibilities.

you warded off wanting to hold his hand by interlacing your fingers together. seunghyun couldn't stop the stupidly big smile stretching across his face if he tried. "cool," he said, nodding. "that's .... that's cool." his hand came up, scratching the back of his neck. "listen, i .. uh—" he gestured to the door. "i gotta go back inside and help jiyong with the—with the champagne. could i get your number? i'll call you tomorrow, if that's okay with you." "yes!" your heart stammered over how he smiled so big his eyes smiled with him. seunghyun gave you his nokia flip phone, letting you type your number in. "call yourself so you can have my number, too." said seunghyun, pulling his sleeves back down. you did so, satisfied hearing your phone ring, pulling it out of your pocket to end the call. "i never got your name." he said, putting his phone back into his pocket. when you told him, he didn't stop his inner monologue from adding his surname. call it a random impulsive thought or whatever, but he was being serious. "i'll see you inside?" he asked, halfway through walking to the door. "mhm!" you responded. "see you inside." seunghyun smiled, disappearing back into the party. you missed his fine ass already . . .

so there you were, the next evening, repeatedly glancing at your phone. you felt fine for a majority of the day; sleeping in after coming home late the night previous, treating your hovering hangover with plentiful amounts of water and falling asleep yet again, but within the first hour of fellowship of the ring (it was your first time in recent years defying your self-made new year's tradition), and hurriedly bringing your phone within eyesight if it did so much as beep. you wondered if seunghyun would actually call . . . it all seemed too good to be true . . . and you hoped that he'd just magically show up, looking over your shoulder and out the living room window for his car (did he even have one?) and walk up to your door (he hasn't the faintest clue where you live) with a bouquet of roses (he doesn't know they're your favorites. well, at least not yet) to profess his undying love to you (working on that too. the to do list is in your head). so when your phone rang after dinner, your hair still very much wet from your shower; the towel having just been thrown behind your desk chair, you momentarily froze. you grabbed your phone from your desk, confused by the unknown number. but then you recognized the area code as your own, realising that in the midst of your yearning, you completely forgot to save his number.

you pressed the answer button, bringing your phone to your ear. "hello?" "hey!" my goodness, it wasn't too good to be true. "happy new year! i wasn't able to find you after the ball dropped. so, yeah. here's me wishing you." he descended into a short, slightly nervous chuckle. he was looking for me!? oh my god!? "happy new year," you said back, closing your bedroom door. "you were looking for me? i left at around two, i think. how about you?" "five, maybe." seunghyun dodged the other question, his face already feeling warm not even a full minute in. "jiyong needed help cleaning up, and kicking people out." "five!?" you exclaimed, sitting on the edge of your bed. "and here i was, fighting sleep all day, whereas you sound unscathed." seunghyun laughed heartily. "i slept in until, like, two today. so i wouldn't say i was completely unaffected." "that's fair." you nodded, despite him not being able to see.

"how about you, hm?" he asked, voice smooth and low, even over the grainy audio. "did you sleep good?" "i did. better than usual." seunghyun smirked, fingers toying with the drawstring cords of his sweatpants. "how about you?" he heard your sweet voice ask. "i slept good, too. knowing i'd be talking to you the next day." you hid your eyes behind your palm, elbow resting atop your thigh. how you were able to get words out, you had no idea. "seunghyun," he could hear that on a loop for the rest of his life and he would die a happy man. "you can't just say shit like that." "why not?" the gentle, yet teasing lilt to his words made you feel dizzy. it was as if the universe finally aligned in your favor. what he would do to see the look on your face right now . . . "what? have you never been flirted with, or something?" he quipped playfully without much thought. "i haven't, no." you answered truthfully. "but you still can't say shit like that, seunghyun. i need a warning or something. it's like my mind stops working." you chuckled, pressing your phone to your ear like its the last thing you'll ever do.

seunghyun's eyebrows flinched in and out of a furrow. "no one's ever flirted with you? what do you mean?" the question aired out before thinking. the realised insensitivity of his words coupled with the unintended belittling tone made him backtrack almost immediately: "that was low of me to say. i'm sorry, that's my bad completely." he shook his head completely. "it's okay!" you shook your head, too. "you didn't know. it's fine." you took a breath. "but if we're being honest . . . no. i've never done anything like that before. i'm more used to seeing it happen to other people than experiencing it, if that makes sense." "it does." seunghyun was quick to affirm, nodding whilst he listening to your words carefully. "yeah," your palm slid up and down your thigh, subconsciously trying to self-sooth. "so . . . last night, when we were talking . . . i thought you were making fun of me. or pulling my leg. but then i realised my brain just wasn't letting me accept that . . . oh, this guy might think i'm cute, too." "i do. i do think that." seunghyun sat up in his bed, determined. "i would never do that. i'm not that type of guy. i don't know who you've met, or made you feel like this, but know i'm not like that."

there was a brief moment of silence from your end of the call. "are you sure you're not just saying that to me to be nice?" "of course not." he said sincerely, tone soft. "of course i'm not saying it to be nice. i mean it. i'll be honest, when i met you last night, you have some of the most kissable cheeks i've ever fucking seen." he pulled his legs up to sit criss-cross. this was serious to him. "how about when you casually mentioned you won an award for a policy paper you wrote about education? i didn't know i'd be at the same party as the future president." "oh my god!" you laughed, face feeling as if it was ablaze. "you're crazy." "look, people have decided to miss out on you, but i won't. are you free on friday? no—scratch that, we're on break until next week. are you free tomorrow?"

for the first time in your life, you didn't feel the need to convince yourself you were worthy of romance, because the universe rooted for you, too. "i am. all day." you said. "i'll take you to dinner. do you want to see a movie?" "i like them, yeah. but . . . i mean, i was watching fellowship of the ring earlier today." just say it. he's right there, on the other side of the line. just say it. ". . . but, i like talking to you. i'd—" you cleared your throat. "i'd rather do that then wait two hours to—uh—do so, if that makes sense." your palm started soothing your thigh again. seunghyun had the stupidest smile on his face. he refrained from hiding his head underneath his pillow. "but we can watch a movie! next time! if that's . . . if that's what you want!" your eyes closed in defeat, hiding your face from no one. "oh god, i'm digging myself into a hole here. i have no idea how to do this." "you're doing really well." said seunghyun. "enough to make my face feel like i have the highest fever ever." "you too." you responded sheepishly. "we'll finish fellowship of the ring on our second date. it's my favorite after return of the king, anyway." you hit the jackpot. "okay," you responded, how fucking sweet you sounded made his heart palpitate. "sounds good, seunghyun. i can't wait."

three months later, you beginning to feel those love songs you've heard all your life were onto something. something you come to terms with would pass you by as a way to cope—but here he was now, bending down onto his knee in the middle of a busy bookstore to tie your shoelace; buying the cds of your favorite artists that you mention either intentionally or off-the-cuff, downloading them to his ipod to listen in between lectures, doing coursework, or storing them into his cd wallet in the center console of his car to listen on his way to pick you up; or spending a lot of his time kissing those precious cheeks ("you're so sweet, you know that? so pretty, too." "seunghyun . . ." "see, that's what i mean.") he's a very smooth talker, doting, and affectionate. primarily because he cannot get enough of the look on your face whenever he makes a move, but also because you breath more life into him when he does so. to seunghyun's fault, however, he can get a little ahead of himself, and forget how shy you can be. so when the tension had been brewing throughout the entirety of your third date, you two sat in bashful silence in his car, him parked some feet away from your house. the music had since been lowered; one of the many cds he's bought since you started dating. seunghyun leaned over the center console towards you, only to retract somewhat when he heard a small gasp. "i'm sorry," he said. "did i—was that too quick?" "no, no. it's okay." you nodded in reassurance. "i just . . . i've just never kissed anyone before. sorry, i know that probably sounds really annoying by now." your hands were in your lap, thumb running over your knuckles to thwart the warmth traveling up your neck.

seunghyun shook his head. "its not. i told you its not." he said sincerely. its true, he has told you that it is and will never be a problem. how he giggles over the phone and presses kisses onto the back of your hand whenever he holds it serves as testament, but that voice in your head can be a bit louder. "i want to." you tell him, eyes meeting with his. seunghyun looked so fine it was almost offensive; his grown out black hair and choppy bangs messily framing his face albeit with effortless charm. he's told you he thinks it makes him look weird, hence how often he wears beanies and puts his hood up, but the moment you muttered "i think it makes you look really handsome," over the phone two nights ago, he showed up tonight letting it breath no problem. "but i don't know how." you told him, shaking your head. "its okay, baby," seunghyun reassured tenderly. it was the first time he called you that pet name, but he didn't think twice as it felt akin to natural instinct to call you that. you, on the other hand, were struggling to keep it together in the passenger's seat. i only have so much strength as a woman . . . you thought to yourself.

"we'll take it slow. just close your eyes and take a breath for me, okay? the rest'll come naturally. i promise." "okay." you nodded, trusting him. seunghyun leaned in again. you saw his eyes glance at your lips before returning to yours, your lids darkening your vision only when his nose brushed against yours. his lips were soft and wet as he had licked them before kissing you. yours were so fucking warm against seunghyun's, making him want to kiss you all the more harder, but he steadied himself, reconnecting gently. the side of his nose nestled against yours. "how was that?" he whispered. the cd had finished playing, so the car was quiet besides you and him. "good." you whispered back. "how did i . . . how did i do?" "good," he nodded, glancing at your lips again. "just . . . try kissing me back. don't think about it," your felt his hair tickle your forehead as he shook his head. "i know you'll be good."

to his delight, you were the one that closed the small gap between you. the kiss was so soft, almost nurturing; all the more intoxicating. you reconnected the kiss, pressing your lips onto his in a way that made his arms feel like tv static. "a little softer." he murmured, half-talking to you, but more-so to himself to come down. seunghyun went to kiss you again, but his lips landed on the corner of your opened mouth. "i-i'm sorry." "no, no. it's okay, baby," he tutted softly. christ, that fucking voice of his was going to end you one day. "come here. come here, baby." he got your lips back on his, but you broke it again, obscenely flustered. your heartbeat was in your temples, your palms sweaty in your lap. "seunghyun," you pleaded in that voice he would go to fucking war for. "you can't just call me that." "i can, and i will." he said. "now, come here, baby."

his hand reached over, holding both of yours beneath his palm. you brought a hand up to his jaw when he kissed you, feeling him hum against your lips in encouragement. seunghyun tilted his head a little to the left, deepening the kiss but not by too much, monitoring your reaction. his muscles relaxed upon feeling your exhale through your nose brush along his cheeks. the kiss ceased after a few moments by you once again, only this time to catch your breath. he rested his forehead against yours, breathless himself. "you're really good at this." he said, heartbeat stuttering when he heard your quiet "thank you." seunghyun blurted out this next question without much thought or reason, since he imagined the moment where he asked this to be more romantic, but he simply could not hold himself back: "can i—can i be your boyfriend?"

"yes, yes you can." you responded. both of your hands now held either side of his face, feeling his hand squeeze your thigh a little. "you can be my boyfriend, seunghyun." a grin tugged at the corner of his lips. "i'll—i'll get you flowers and card, and ask you more properly next time." "its okay, its fine." you nodded against his forehead. your thumb traced his bottom lip, "just kiss me right now. i—i need—" you did not need to tell him twice. seunghyun reunited your lips, hand gripping your thigh when your fingers slipped into his hair.

even though you were well over the appropriate age to start dating, you just knew your parents would freak out if they knew you were running around with a boy. you didn't even think to employ the thought; it just wasn't an option. it would be something about distracting yourself from your studies (your grades were nowhere near subpar), or moving too quickly (hey! you're in college, by the way), or being subject to the ongoing mass, unreasonable hysteria over teen pregnancy perpetuated by national news editorials and shitty reality shows, making parents believe by standing near the opposite sex their daughters will somehow be with child (again, you're in your twenties and in college, and its also not your fault parents around the country treat mtv like its the second coming of the satanic panic of the eighties)—so you saved yourself the trouble. seunghyun understood wholeheartedly and took no issue with it, but that doesn't mean he didn't dare go against the grain.

a week before your two month anniversary, your ringtone rang, slightly muffled atop your duvet. you got up from your desk chair, leaving your coursework behind and walked to your bed, clicking the green call button. "hi seunghyun," your voice was soft. "everything okay?" "hey baby," he said. "i'm good, i'm good." he stuffed his free hand into the pocket of his puffer jacket, shivering. "how was your day, hm? i missed you." "fine," you answered, keeping your phone to your ear by raising your shoulder, flipping your textbook to the next chapter you needed to read to complete an assignment. "just a lot of work to do. you know how sundays are. i missed you, too." "i know, baby." his hand left his pocket, using the side of his thumb to wipe his nose. "you know, i'm happy to hear that you missed me, because i'm outside." you raised your head, alarmed, eyebrows knit in confusion. "what do you mean you're outside?" "i mean that i'm outside." "outside where?" "your window." his laugh was masked with a cough. "shit—it's really cold out here, baby." he muttered, looking around at the street lamps, his car parked some distance away. your room was on the lower floor of your family's home; the window on the side of the house and had some height to it, but not enough to ward off seunghyun's idea. so here he was, acting on it.

you hurriedly closed your bedroom door. "are you crazy!?" you whispered. "it's freezing outside! how long have you been out there?" "about ten minutes," seunghyun's tone was calm, as if it was just another day. "there isn't that much distance between your house and the street, but it took a while because i had to avoid the frozen over snow." "you're insane." you muttered. he smiled even wider. "let me see you, baby. c'mon. i miss you." you hung up the call. seunghyun watched the window before him, his upside down grin showing proudly when the curtains opened, revealing you. the snow crunched crisply underneath his feet, walking up when you unlocked and opened the window. "you're utterly insane," you said, resting your elbows on the windowsill, hearing him laugh. "its almost midnight. we both have class early tomorrow, and my parents could wake up at any moment!" you voice descended into a loud whisper. seunghyun waved his hand dismissively. "what did i tell you the other night? i'll drive you. you don't need to take the bus anymore." he spoke quietly, understanding the circumstance, even if he enjoyed teasing you. "you know what else you did the other night that you could've done now? call me." you retorted, but it was really hard to act upset. "you don't like my gesture?" he asked, not hiding his knowing smirk. "i'm saying you saw me two days ago, and you're seeing me every day before our anniversary." "i'd see you every hour in between, if i could."

you didn't have anything smart to say, so you succumbed to your flustered state. seunghyun, looking so princely in his puffer jacket with no beanie in sight, the distant cast of your nightside table lamp weakly illuminating his slightly reddened cheeks from the bitter cold, stepped closer. "give me a kiss and i'll go, baby. just needed to see you." your knees nestled onto the carpeted floors, your torso leaning out the window. seunghyun grabbed onto the ledge, hoisting himself onto the tips of his toes. it was enough for his head to be leveled with your bedroom, but not for long as his eyes fluttered closed to the feeling of your palms holding his face, bringing your lips to his in a tender, sweet kiss. his chin brushed against the ledge, tightening his grip when he re-connected the kiss, feeling his mouth thaw from the cold and ignoring how his under arms were beginning to burn. "can't last twelve hours without you." he murmured against your lips. "learn to." you whispered, kissing him back. "don't wanna." seunghyun took a quick breath when you kissed him one last time, the soft squeak of your lips parting making him feel light-headed.

he watched you in a daze when you returned to resting your elbows against the windowsill; you were as beautiful as a deity, so effortless with your allure. a content smile appeared on his face, eyes twinkling. "thank you, baby." his voice was smooth, turning his head to kiss your palm upon your fingers fixing his hair. he slowly let go of the ledge, paying no mind to how his palms ached. he glanced below him, "i'm sure if i bring a step stool big enough, it'll be no problem next time—" "—next time?" seunghyun looked up. "what? you don't want there to be a next time?" he asked, that goddamn teasing lilt in his voice. "i . . . i do." you spoke so sweetly, he thought he could muster the strength to jump inside. "but at least tell me ahead of time so you won't freeze to near fucking death."

seunghyun kept his word, because the night after your anniversary, he was back outside your window equipped with a step stool. thus began your very risky sneaking around: his arrival at your window at around 10 pm (or thirty minutes later if you went on a date, giving you enough time to return home without suspicion over where you've been, shower, and get ready for bed; either way, he was waiting for your signal of opening the curtains), speed walking to your window after locking his car, step stool in the other hand, climbing into your room after you opened your window, and settling beside you in bed. you spoke in the quietest of whispers, giggled into each other's shoulders, and shared delicate kisses. other times, you brought out your portable dvd player, snuggling into his chest whilst his arms wrapped around you. "my baby. my beautiful girl." he murmured into your supple skin before planting kisses on your forehead, laying his head atop yours. you two read the subtitles in peaceful silence—not daring to raise the volume—either fighting sleep or keeping awake with each other's lips.

he usually left at around one, but one night on the cusp of four months together, both of you fell asleep. you stirred awake, feeling the dvd player lodged uncomfortably underneath your thigh, gradually turning onto your side. seunghyun was in sound slumber, breaths coming in quiet, but curt whistles. your room wasn't completely dark, squinting at the lamp you forgot to turn off next to your bedside digital clock. you jolted awake upon seeing the time: 4:17 AM. "oh my god—" you murmured to yourself, yanking the duvet off of you and getting up in a panic. you turned to seunghyun's sleeping state in utmost dread, remembering he's a deep sleeper, and its a battle to wake him up. "fuck!" you whispered. you tried to think of something, lifting to the duvet further, spotting his ipod and wired headphones. you grabbed it, seeing it there was still half charge. you turned seunghyun's head upright, lodging the headphones in his ears. you scrolled through his library briefly, turning the dial to amp up the volume. "i'm sorry." you whispered apologetically, clicking play.

he stirred awake, sitting up on his elbows, headphones falling out of his ears. "whhaa—" "seunghyun? seunghyun, baby? its four in the morning." you whispered. he slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. "its four am?" he mumbled, voice riddled with slumber, sounding lower than usual. "yes, baby," you whispered, the bed dipping next to him as you sat. "we fell asleep. i—i don't think my parents came in. but you have to go home." "i know. i know, baby." seunghyun mumbled, pushing the duvet off his jeans. "just—just give me a moment." "thank you." your hand lay on his cheek, bringing the closer one to your lips. seunghyun puckered his lips, still lost in his lingering sleep, humming lowly in satisfaction when he felt your chaste kiss. he climbed out of bed, leaving his ipod behind, stuffing his feet into his shoes by the window. you unlocked it, hearing him yawn, his palm covering his mouth. "i'll come back at ten." he told you, more awake than before. "okay." you spoke softly, entering his usual embrace, your arms wrapping around one another. "i'll see you then. call me when you get home." "i will, my beautiful girl." his breath was hot against your temple—your height only barely reaching his shoulder—pressing a kiss onto your skin before you lifted your head, bringing your lips to his. his thumb kept your chin in place, kissing you back. "i love you, baby." "i love you too, seunghyunie." with that, he climbed out of your window. he grabbed the step stool, walking to his car. the sunrise peered over your neighborhood, only to be shunned out with the closing of your window and drapes. it wasn't until you tucked the dvd player and his ipod away in your nightside drawer did you realize . . . wait . . . we just said i love you.

weekends are typically reserved for dates which largely consist of getting coffee, taking the train into the city to visit museums (and seunghyun nudging his forehead into your temple shyly whenever you lock your arm with his), or passing time walking throughout the mall; looking through various shops and boutiques with your hand in his (and him keeping his gaze on the kay jewelers for a little longer than he intended), sitting next to you as opposed to across during dinner, and ending the night by making out in the backseat of his car. your hand on his cheek, his on your thigh; tongues in fair play. you broke the kiss to look at the small analog clock on his dashboard, biting your bottom lip when his lips found their usual spot on your neck, barely hiding your whimper. "fuck." he muttered, moving to the other side of your neck. his hands rested on either of your hips, humming in content upon feeling your fingers find his hair. "s-seunghyun," you fought to keep your eyes open. "it's 11:10. i have to go inside." "your parents can wait five more minutes." he said. the feeling of his voice vibrating against your skin made your eyes roll back, thighs rubbing together. a small gasp reverberated through the car when seunghyun started running his tongue repeatedly over a spot of your warm skin, sucking and popping off of it. "i really have to go inside—" "—at least let me finish this, baby. the last one healed too quickly." "o-okay," you let out a shaky breath, holding the back of his head, letting your eyes flutter closed. "don't make it too big." "i won't."

sundays were spent at the university library. you two are in your own worlds, sharing a spacious table with various pieces of coursework, required readings, and notebooks sprawled out in a way that only makes sense to your respective minds—seunghyun with his hood up, wired headphones in and reading glasses on. your pen cap between your teeth whilst you read the third of five passages for an upcoming essay you had due; back and forth between taking notes and highlighting lines. you didn't study together much during the week since your lectures did not align most days. but on the mornings where it did, neither of you having classes until the afternoon, seunghyun came over no matter the time he slept or if he was there the night previous, but neither of you studied. he meant it when he said he would spend every hour with you if he could, because he wakes up early just to be with you. it doesn't matter if its to fall right back asleep in your bed after your parents left for work at nine, he was there.

his personal favorites were early saturday afternoons (bonus points if you were going to a party later that night): him laying on top of you, his temple against your chest, taking a nap. he would fall asleep to the sound of you turning the pages of your book, coupled with the steady rise and fall of your chest. by the sound of his quiet snores, you started to feel sleepy by proxy. you would give in after nearly dropping the paperback book on his head, putting it aside on your bedside table. your hand reached down your side for his hand, fishing it out of the warm duvet to set an hour timer on his watch. you brought the pads of his fingers to your lips, kissing them softly before nestling in for your own nap, holding your baby close to you.

you loved and trusted each other to the point of peaceful co-existence. you and seunghyun were alone in the house one saturday evening; him in your room, you in the bathroom down the hall. you were going to a mutual friend's party to dually celebrate both her birthday and the end of finals week that night. your bedroom door was wide open, seunghyun overhearing the rustling of your makeup bag as his eyes looked through your shelf of cds. songs in a minor, alicia keys .... everyone else is doing it, so why can't we?, the cranberries .... b'day, beyoncé .... parachutes, coldplay .... his copy of pink floyd's dark side of the moon that he lent you a couple weeks ago .... grace, jeff buckley .... until he came across the miseducation of lauryn hill towards the front of the shelf, carefully pulling it out and opening the case. he placed the cd in your player on the shelf below, closing the lid and pressing play. he skipped to track 4, lowering the volume to have it blend seamlessly into the background, feeling content.

"seunghyun?" "yeah, baby?" he called back. he turned around, seeing you at the doorway, holding two eyeliner pencils in your hand. "which one: black or dark brown?" he walked over, taking the pencils from your hands, looking them over his palm. "hm. . ." he pondered with genuine thought. "this one is metallic," you pointed to the dark brown liner. "so it has a little shine to it." "i remember," seunghyun nodded. "you wore this one when we went for brunch a couple weeks ago. it looked really pretty." "thank you." you said quietly, glancing down at the carpet. you still felt flustered receiving his compliments, even nearly half a year into your relationship. "so the brown liner, then?" "mhm." "okay. thank you, my love." your hands reached up to his face, bringing him in for a quick kiss. "anything for you, my beautiful girl." said seunghyun, placing purposeful kisses onto your temple and cheek.

you took the liners from him, your sweet laughter ringing in his ears as his arms made residence around your waist, pulling you close to him. your arms took in his shoulders, giggling at the ticklish feeling of his lips kissing a part of your exposed shoulder from the loose collar of your shirt. "my beautiful, beautiful girl." he murmured into your soft skin, kissing your lips once more. you loved how clingy he could be . . . though he would look like a deer in headlights, melting into a puddle of his own pride if it was pointed out. he loved being called seunghyunie. better yet, add "my" in front of that, and he'll have to take laps around the room. he's buried his head into your neck on many nights he snuck over, or even in his own bed, hiding his bashful state with incoherent mutterings of anything from "i'm going to go into heart failure early in my life" to "you make me lose all reason, and i love it."

you kissed him back, feeling his tongue collide with yours. seunghyun went in again, but you parted your lips, turning your head as a smile stretched across your face, his lips finding the corner of your mouth. "you're my big baby." you said sweetly, looking up at him. "my big, tall baby, seunghyunie. how's that, hm?" you erupted into a fit of giggles when seunghyun's forehead fell against your temple—a tell-tale sign that you hit the right bashful nerve—that, as far as seunghyun was concerned, sounded a whole lot like wedding bells. "baby . . ." he elongated his last syllable, voice so low it took a moment to understand. "see? you're already living up to the name." you said. your arms slid off the back of his shoulders, hands resting atop them as best they could whilst you held the liners, briefly standing on your toes to kiss his lips. "i have to go get ready." seunghyun's arms left your waist, resting on your hips. "i like the nickname." he admitted in a murmur. "i know." you nodded. "and i love you, too." "i love you so much." seunghyun couldn't help himself, lips peppering kisses onto the supple skin of your cheek, planting a final one on your lips.

one thing about seunghyun is he loves parties, but none more than being able to show you off. so when he's sat on one of the stools lining the host's kitchen island, you stood between his legs, your arms wrapped around his shoulders as his are tenderly around your waist; hands traveling your lower back—he feels like the hottest shit because he's got the hottest fucking girl. he will unabashedly pepper sweet kisses onto your neck and cheek if you're talking to somebody, or press his cheek against yours as you people watch together from your spot in the kitchen; giggling amongst yourselves in a way that would make even a pessimist's heart begin to thaw. it tugs at his heartstrings even more-so when you find him later in the night after catching up with your friends, a little tipsy with your red solo cup in hand, making residence on his thigh. seunghyun carefully took the cup out of your hand after the drink sloshed around in the midst of your abrupt movement, setting it on the coffee table before his hands dotingly rubbed the side of your thigh, looking up at the love of his life. he's long past the point of caring when his friends are around seeing you squish his cheeks together, kissing the pout that forms on his lips with an extra loud "muah!" that can be heard in the few seconds between songs. he's actually the one pulling you into the small crowd of people dancing in the living room, swaying together to the music.

to seunghyun, he might have looked awkward dancing—but to anyone else who caught a glimpse either from squeezing their way through the crowd to get to the other side of the room, or if they just looked up: you and seunghyun looked smooth; complementary; on the same wavelength. it was one of those moments they would recall to your mini-me twenty years down the line, opening the anecdote with "i remember when your parents . . ." he brought his forehead to yours—earning him the flustered laugh he could get drunk on—bringing his lips to yours when you pulled him in by the rims of his beanie. you turned around afterward, pressing your ass against him, starting to dance again. seunghyun got the message. he followed your movements, arm wrapping around the front of your waist, leaning down to kiss your cheek upon feeling your hand reach back for his hair.

seunghyun played a large hand in improving your confidence, especially when it came to intimacy of any kind. you've come a long way from your posture stiffening when he put his arm around you in the movie theater; your ghost of a returned grip when he held your hand; or backing out mid-makeout on his couch because your face felt so hot, the movie paused and long-forgotten about, the dvd logo bouncing from one side of the tv to the other ("i-i'm sorry—" "—it's okay. come back here, you were doing so good.") it wasn't as if you were a brand new person, but he nurtured a different side of you to come out; honored he was the one deemed worthy enough to witness it. he fucking loved it when you were stood in your own corner at a party, feeling dizzy whenever yours hands traveled underneath the hem of his shirt and around his waist . . . holy fuck . . . and the way you kissed him afterward, so soft and slow, deliberate . . . you might as well make him a father right there.

the tension brewed over time. you may be learning things as you go, but you would be remised to not pick up on seunghyun's not-so-subtle ways. every time he readjusted his position in your bed, arms holding you, you felt his hand traveled just a little lower down your hip. his lips kissed your cheek before returning his attention to space documentary he picked up from blockbuster before sneaking over, reading the captions on the portable dvd player propped up atop the duvet. he thought he was being slick. but when the documentary inevitably ended, and you inevitably pulled him into your lips to make him stay longer, his hand slipped underneath, squeezing your right globe. he'll never forget your sharp inhale, or how hard you kissed him in return.

or when you were stood in line at the mall food court (yes, you read that correctly), his fingers holding yours. he was being so sweet and flirtatious, looking at you with an admiring grin whilst you read the menu. he went back and forth between laying his hoodie-clad head atop yours, kissing your cheek, or leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your lips. you saw in your periphery how he would stare and stare both longingly and knowingly. you didn't give in, until you couldn't hold it in anymore, failing horrendously at hiding your upside-down grin. "what?" you nudged his bicep with your shoulder, hearing him chuckle. "i'm just looking." he responded, voice smooth. you tsked, shaking your head. "you don't make any sense." his kiss to your temple brought your gaze back to him, looking up when he rested his forehead against yours. "that's because you take all of it from me." seunghyun lined the side of his nose with yours, bringing his lips to yours. he's done this countless times before, but it was how his lips lingered for a second or two that made all the difference . . . how they parted so slowly and deliberately . . . it made you think oh . . . this man may very well want me to have his baby! it wouldn't be far-fetched either, since on your four month anniversary, he told you he was ready to introduce you to his parents after your third date.

then came those saturday mornings . . . or mornings where neither of you had class until the afternoon . . . when you got up from bed, and he sees your shorts have ridden completely up your thighs in your sleep . . . how fucking delectable they look. your back is turned to him as you stretch your arms out and yawn, but seunghyun's stare is unabashed and hard. it starts as a sideways glance, like he doesn't want to get caught. but then he sees how they jiggle with every minute movement . . . he's enamored. he turns onto his side fully, studying how your cellulite adorns your skin so specifically . . . then his palms start to tingle, wanting to reach out and feel you in his hands. but all he does is cast his hand against your crisp bed sheets, wrinkled where you laid just moments ago. seunghyun then notices the slight sheen of your skin when you step into the sunlight pouring in from the window; the remnants of your moisturizer you apply before you sleep, he was sure. this is what makes his teeth rake against his bottom lip, quickly glancing up to see if you were still turned around, which you were. then came those imperfections he wanted so badly to kiss, to linger his tongue over: the small, translucent forever-bruise on the side of your left thigh that never healed; standing in a crowded train after spending the day with each other in the city, temporarily squished against the arm rest of a seat to make room for incoming passengers. your fucking tan line from your go-to denim shorts you wore during the summer jesus christ . . . and how some of your stomach spilled over your shorts, the thick curvature of your body akin to a fucking goddess's. what he would do to be trapped between them . . .

"i'll be right back." your voice took him out of his trance, seunghyun looking up to see you opening the bedroom door, walking to the bathroom down the hall. "okay, baby." his voice was gravely, clearing his throat afterward. seunghyun turned onto his back. he lifted the duvet, peeking underneath to see the bulge in his sweats. he let out a disbelieving huff, running his hands over his face. it's not even ten am yet. he thought to himself. it should be no surprise that when you came back into bed, his lips made residence on yours, hand slipping by your hip and grabbing your ass. seunghyun stopped periodically to place kisses on your chest, or moving the strap of your cami to trace the tip of his tongue along your stretch marks lining your shoulder before kissing them, too. "wanna try something new, baby." he murmured against your skin. "okay," you said, fingers brushing his hair back, watching as his lips returned to your chest. "what is it, seunghyun?" "wanna put these in my mouth—'nd taste you."

you nodded, hair rubbing against your pillowcase. "o-okay," your voice fell to a whisper, the birds chirping outside rivaling your volume. "go ahead, seunghyun." he lifted his head, kissing you. "tell me if it's too much, okay?" "i will." you said, kissing him. a shallow breath left your chest as his lips traveled down your chest. he's fondled your breasts before—in the backseat of his car, and when the portable dvd player is mere background noise, but nothing could have prepared him for now your left breast recoiled when he tugged that side of your cami down. it was so perky, so cute; happy to see him. he captured your areola in his mouth, running his warm tongue over it slowly. he's never heard you gasp like that before. "s—seunghyun!" you barely breathed, shuddering oxygen in and out. he quickly detached—"is it too much—" "—no, no! keep—keep going!" you whimpered, pushing the back of his head back down. he sucked with bliss, readjusting himself when you arched your back, his other hand kneading your right breast. he tugged that side of your cami down, showing that nipple less mercy than the other. "f-fuck!" you gasped, hand coming up to your mouth. "yes, yes! oh my god, seunghyun!" your body squirmed, thighs enclosing around his waist. he needed to move on. if he didn't, he was going to ruin his sweatpants.

he popped off of your hardened nipple gently, bringing his lips to yours. you latched onto him with needy fervor, kissing him quickly. "i'm gonna eat your pussy, okay baby?" he spoke against your lips. you whimpered into his mouth, eyebrows turning upward in desperation, hands holding onto the back of his shoulders. "gonna take care of you. tell me if you want to stop." "o—ngh!—okay." seunghyun pushed the duvet off the both of you, making his way down your body, leaving kisses in his wake. he stood on his knees as he pulled your shorts and underwear off, discarding them on his usual side of the bed. his hand slid down your left thigh, fingers running over that small bruise. he leaned down, pressing a kiss. he moved a couple of inches down the bed, settling his knees onto the carpeted floor, propping the upper-half of his body up with his elbows. you separated your legs. his tongue ran over his bottom lip, mouth watering.

he kissed the inner parts of your thighs, trailing where you needed him most. seunghyun wasted no time after that, plunging his tongue between your puffy folds. oh . . . you tasted good. the sensation was indescribable for you—a curt gasp all you could muster those first few seconds, palm covering your mouth as you devoured the unbelievable sight below you. your eyebrows were so deeply furrowed; a choked moan leaving your diaphragm as his tongue explored your divine essence. seunghyun separated your lips with his pointer and middle finger, trying to find that sweet bundle of nerves. he placed his tongue higher than before, taking note of your gasp. he pushed his head in deeper, knowing he was coming closer when your thighs brushed against his ears. seunghyun hit the jackpot when he pushed in a little deeper, arms quickly wrapping around your waist to keep you as still as he could when your body jolted, thighs closing in on him, effectively putting him in a still-moveable headlock. "o—oh m-my god—ngh! hngh!" you moaned helplessly. "s-seunghyun!" you cried, fingers disappearing into his hair, tugging. "feel good, baby? that feel good?" he asked quickly, voice muffled, not liking going mere seconds without you on his tongue. "y-yes! keep—keep—"

you couldn't finish your sentence, but he needed no further instruction. he nursed your clit unabashedly, his hand reaching up and kneading your right breast. "s-seunghyun, i'm gonna—i feel—" your breathing was heavy, eyes squeezed shut. "cum in my mouth." was all seunghyun said. your legs opened abruptly, back arching higher than before as your orgasm washed over your entire body. seunghyun kept working your clit, popping off of your sweet pussy through your delicate moans and mewls. he swallowed whatever you gave him, humming into you in satisfaction, relishing in how you breathily whined his name. he gradually latched off with tongue-led kisses, palming himself through his sweatpants. he left your pussy swiftly when he felt a wet patch, looking down to see that he, indeed, ruined his sweatpants.

then came a week later, when you made love for the first time at eleven am on a fucking tuesday morning. "breath for me." he told you gently, positioning his condom wrapped tip between your soft, puffy lips. "in," he inhaled through his nostrils, you mimicking. "and out." you exhaled together. he kissed your divine lips, hand coming up and holding your cheek. "my beautiful girl," he whispered. "i love you so much." "i love you too." your hands held the back of his neck, kissing him back. "this might hurt a little. we have all the time in the world. we'll take it easy." his lips pressed against your cheek, hearing your gentle "okay." he slowly pushed himself in, stopping halfway when you held tightly onto his shoulders. "f-fuck, ngh! it . . . it hurts." you whispered. "i know, i know baby." he low voice cooed, his hand holding your cheek, bringing the one closest to him to his lips. "keep going. slowly." "i will."

he thrusted slowly with half of his cock inside of you, listening to your every breath. "any better?" he whispered. he sucked in a tight breath, feeling how tight you are. "a . . . a little. try adding more each time." "anything for you." he kissed your temple, following your words. silence filled the room, nothing but the slight creak of your bed frame, shaky breaths, and rustling of the duvet against the linen. seunghyun's ears perked up when he heard a quiet moan, feeling your nails starting to dig into his bare shoulder. "s-seunghyun . . . m-more." "which one? faster or deeper, baby?" "deeper." you said, voice breathy. your eyebrows twitched as you were mostly adjusted, bottom lip captured between your teeth as he stretched you out. "mmf!" you yelped. "does—f-fuck—that feel g-good?" seunghyun was losing himself in you, struggling to keep his mind clear. "y-yes!" you moaned. "g-go faster, seunghyunie. p-please." "god fucking damn—f-fuck, baby!" he mewled, moaning into your ear. "you feel so fucking g-good, oh my god!" the rest of that morning was a haze of grunts, sweat, and chanting each other's names like prayers. to think you were in your intro to international democracies lecture not even four hours later was obscene.

neither of you trusted yourselves to keep quiet when he came over, but that doesn't mean you at least tried . . . albeit, over the phone. "you drive me fucking crazy, baby—fuck!" his phone fell from his ear, his free hand quickly grabbing it, his other showing little mercy to himself. you could hear the wet, slick sounds of his cock from your side of the line, your thighs trapping your wrist between your legs. "the—the way you—hngh!—l-looked at me from over your shoulder, the way you sounded when i fucked you from b-behind." he spoke into the phone lowly. "you looked so beautiful, and felt so f-fucking good. did it feel good baby, hm? did it feel good when i pounded that sweet pussy?" "s-seunghyun—" you sounded so delicate, so fragile. "i—ngh!—i n-need you so bad. i can't take it anymore." he heard your shaky gasp, sure you were close. "tell me, baby. i know you're close, i can hear it." he moaned hearing you whimper at his words, feeling the knot in his abdomen begin to unravel. "t-tell me—s-shit!—i-i'm, i'm close t-too. tell me, baby. you know you can tell your seunghyunie anything, right?"

when that wasn't enough (it never was), you took it to the backseat of his car. it was an unspoken rule; nonverbal pattern of events when he was to drop you home, but that something was in the air and could not go unaddressed—like the night of your friend's birthday party. he unlocked his trunk, folding the backseats forward to allow enough room for you to lay on your back. in your defense, you tried to keep quiet. you really did . . . considering it was well past one in the morning, your house was one measly block away, and your neighborhood was very much a quiet suburb. but the car was shaking, your toes pressed against the rear windshield, and his hand was slipping off the steaming window. if anyone walked by—universe help your neighbor that worked late shifts and walked his dog at this hour—a vague, passive aggressive memo in the neighborhood newsletter would certainly find you.

the torn condom wrapper fell between the seats, lost in a reach-less nook of the car as seunghyun fucked you deep and good. the sound was wet and mind-numbing, the heel of your left foot resting on his lower back whilst he pummeled you. "f-fuck! just like that, just like that!" you gasped, your moan sounding intoxicatingly needy, fingers rummaging aimlessly through his hair. seunghyun was a sweaty mess, his hair sticking to his forehead as he boiled in his long sleeve. but he could not have given less of a fuck. you felt fucking divine. he needed this, every last second, every last drop. your gummy walls and puffy lips were a blessing he would thank whatever higher force that existed out there for the rest of his life. "just like that? yeah?" he grunted, looking down at the scene, watching his cock disappear and reappear. "s-such f-fucking good pussy—fuck!"

there's a digital camera you both share (he bought it for you for your one year anniversary), housing the archive of your relationship. there's tons of photos on numerous sd cards: a photo of you two kissing in front of a mirror, the camera covering your mouths even after seunghyun's hilariously laborious attempts at angling it correctly, photos of you looking so effortlessly beautiful in your bed; elbow propped on your pillow, palm holding your cheek, the glow of the portable dvd player evident on your face, or one you took of him in his bed after you imitated his low laugh which made him laugh even harder, photos of seunghyun climbing through your window with a shy, unexpected smile on your face or looking cool driving his car, lots of photos with friends, and at parties; one in particular of him pretending to eat your cheek and your wide smile, drink in hand. he can hear your laughter whenever he looks at it.

several months after your two year anniversary, seunghyun found himself at the mall. he was free for the rest of the day whilst you were in for another two lectures. but, of course, he was picking you up for dinner that evening. he perused for your graduation gift; settling for a perfume, a book by your favorite author, and two cds of musicians you loved. like clockwork, his eyes found and stayed on kay jewelers. but unlike before, he walked in. he found the engagement rings with ease, even going as far as to tell the consultant that he was thinking about getting married. however, seunghyun didn't walk out with a ring. he figured well, we should graduate first . . . get jobs . . . move in together . . . and then talk about marriage. he's been locked in since your first kiss, but that's besides the point. but there's no harm in starting to save up for that ring, is there . . .

honey's taglist! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა: @gongyoosgf, @infinetlyforgotten

[star-whores-a-new-hoe]

The Comfort of Strangers //Padawan! Obi-Wan X Fem! Reader

A/N: Well...Hi! I haven't written in two years! I'll post a little update soon but I was INCREDIBLY horny inspired after seeing the Phantom Menace in theaters! Hope you enjoy this lil smutty Padawn Obi fic!

Summary: You and all of Queen Amidala's handmaidens are stuck on Tatooine waiting for Qui Gon to get the hyperdrive parts you need. With all the stress and anxiety of escaping Naboo, the good-looking Palawan stuck on the ship with you looks like a good distraction.

Warnings VERY IMPORTANT: I know Padme and her handmaidens are pretty young, but for the purposes of this story READER IS OVER 18!!!!! That being said, this fic contains, smut, kinda a hookup, using sex with a stranger as comfort, risk of being caught, P in V action, unprotected sex, pull-out method, handy, some finger-banging action, dirty talk, some implied Qui Gon x Reader x Obi-Wan action for a minute there oop, and probably some spelling and grammar mistakes!

Word Count: 2.8 K

With the whirlwind of events that was the invasion of Naboo, one would think that boredom would bring some welcome relief. They would be sorely mistaken. 

The rush of adrenaline that had flooded your veins as you and the other handmaidens frantically dressed sabé, hands, and hearts a flurry, before chasing you up the ramp of the starfighter with gunfire at your back had finally subsided. Now, with the monotonous heat of Tatooine creeping into the ship, there was nothing but dull numbness left. 

Padme had left over a day ago to experience this strange outer-rim world you all had landed on. That left the rest of you with nothing to do but worry. Senator Vancil regularly sent updates urging Queen Amidala to contact him. Each of his messages was more dire than the last. News of your people in camps, starving, dying, surrounded by those damned battle droids, those disgusting Numoidions watching gleefully from the high walls of the Theed palace. 

You could practically feel all of the handmaidens' hearts sink in tandem with each new update. That young Jedi, Obi-Wan, simply reminded the Queen, (or who he figured to be the queen) to send no reply. Had he no empathy?! Obviously, none of you were dumb enough to risk the safety of your mission, the safety of your people, in transmitting any kind of message but could he not for a moment let down his Jedi knight persona and give you all some grace?

Jedi learner actually, I suppose. You thought to yourself. Curled up in an out-of-the-way nook, the hood of your orange handmaiden dress hung limply down your back. Normally you were grateful for the thick velvet robes in space, but even with the ship's cooling systems still online it seemed that they were no match for Tatooine. The oppressive heat sat thickly in the stale air, leaving everyone on board anxious and irritable. 

You couldn't lie to yourself. Between your fear and anxiety, the sight of that young padawan was a welcome distraction. You were positive you weren't the only one who thought so, you had definitely caught your fellow handmaiden's eyes flick over him from under their hoods. There was just something about him. Maybe it was the cocky banter he had shared with his master, even in the flurry of battle, or maybe it was the way the collar of his Jedi robes opened just enough for you to want to see more. Or perhaps it was the way you could imagine tugging on that padawan braid as- 

“Oh, apologies, I didn't realize there was anyone back here.”

You start, ripped from your thoughts by the man himself. He stood, palm braced against the doorway to your little hideaway. He’d discarded his Jedi cloak, leaving him the tan robes. 

“Sorry,” You say sheepishly. “Just…taking a breather.” Truth be told, in a ship this size there wasn't much space for ‘breathers.’ There's a beat of awkward silence before he clears his throat. 

“I assumed you would be with your queen and fellow Handmaidens in the royal quarters.” You resist the urge to scoff. Little did he know your queen was off in the deserts of Tatooine. 

“I think we’re all just processing that last message from the senator. I just needed a moment to myself I guess.” He gives you a tight-lipped smile.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” He turns to walk away and you scramble for anything to keep the conversation going. 

“What’s it like being a Jedi?” You cringe at the question. He looks back over his shoulder at you. 

“Well, Padawan.” He corrects, sheepishly.

“Right, yes. What’s it like to be a Padawan?” He turned to face you full-on, crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorway. 

“It’s a life of service and peace.” He says simply. “I am devoted to the service of the Republic and the force.” You hum in response. 

“What’s it like being a handmaiden?” He asks, a teasing edge in his voice. From this angle, with you still curled up on the floor, he towers over you, looking down at you with a seductive smirk that makes your stomach do cartwheels. 

“It’s a life of service and peace.” You repeat. “I am devoted to my queen, my people, and my planet.” 

“My, my, sounds like we have quite a few similarities.” You crack a weak smile. 

“Why not take a seat?” You offer, motioning towards the cramped bit of floor in front of you. “I highly doubt you have anything better to do.” He raises an eyebrow at you before obliging. “You must live in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, right?” You ask as he squeezes into the cramped space, his knees knocking against yours. 

“Indeed, Coruscant has been my home for as long as I can remember.” 

“I've always wanted to see Coruscant. My family went when I was very small but I don’t remember it. I always meant to visit. I just never thought it would be under such…dire circumstances.” There's another beat of silence. 

“How are you and the others fairing?” You pause, debating your response. None of you had discussed it with each other. Your grief was so profound, deep, and shared in the way only sisters know. There had been no need to speak of it. But perhaps voicing it would help. 

“I think this is going to be the hardest part. At least I, we, were all doing something by escaping the planet, almost getting shot down. But this, just waiting… maker it’s eating me alive.” He nodded solemnly. 

“I understand.” 

“Do you?” It’s not meant to be a cruel question, but definitely a pointed one. “I thought Jedi didn't do emotions?” 

“Jedi don’t do attachments. We are encouraged to feel emotions, they bring us closer to the force, closer to all the living things around us.” Maker, you wanted him closer. 

A part of you hated yourself for wanting distraction, for seeing the first person in front of you, and wanting to find that special kind of escape and comfort. But a bigger part of you craved the young man in front of you, the release from this monotonous boredom and anxiety. 

“And what about…entanglements?” You purposefully tap your knee against his, letting a sultry gaze flood your eyes. He straightened slightly, his quizzical gaze raking you over. 

“Is that really what you want?” His question wasn't accusative or disgusted but genuinely curious, soft, and gentle. The seductive fire in your eyes dies down slightly. Your eyes flick down to the floor.

“Is that so bad?” It comes out barely louder than a whisper. A gentle hand lifts your chin till your gaze meets baby blue eyes, nearly the same shade as the lightsaber you watched him wield earlier. Oh how his hands had moved with such skill and grace, you couldn't help but imagine how those calloused, practiced hands would feel running over your body. Obi-wan smiled. 

“If that's what you feel, then it’s not bad at all.” Abruptly he pulled back, the sensation of him leaving your bubble had you feeling cold even in the burning ship. “Yes, Jedi are allowed to have entanglements.” 

“Oh.” you flash him a sly grin, confidence slowly seeping into you. “Good to know.” 

“Indeed.” His eyes bore into yours, the tension between the two of you was electric.

“Well if you ask me,” You say, placing a hand on his knee. “We have quite some time to kill before your Master gets back with the parts we need, don’t you think?” Obi-Wan’s hand came up to play with the hem of your skirt. 

“I’d be inclined to agree.” 

“Why don't we kill some time then? Hmm?” Obi-Wan’s face lights up in a devilish smirk as his hands glide up to your waist.

“Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me.” 

You lean forward, a soft smile on your lips that matches his before the young Jedi captures your mouth with his. It’s not the quick frantic touches one would expect of a hidden tryst. It’s soft and comforting like you both know you need the solace of another, the soothing touches of a lover not the hard and fast pace of a quick fuck. 

You sigh against him, melting into his touch. Your hands slide over the expanse of his broad chest up to rest on his shoulders. One of Obi-Wan’s hands slides up over your spine, sending shivers through your body before he tenderly cradles your neck. His tongue teases the seal of your lips and you gladly let him in, pulling yourself closer to him as his tongue explores your mouth. 

Pulling you fully into his lap, you can feel the bulge in his pants press against you. Simply the thought of it makes you wet. You grind your hips against him testingly and he hums his encouragement. One of Obi-Wan’s hands moves to your knee. Ever so delicately he slides his hand upwards over your thigh, the hem of your dress pulled ever upwards with his movements. His hand resting on the bare skin of your upper thigh, he gently moves you to grind against him again. 

As you rut against him, Obi-Wan’s lips leave yours to place open-mouthed kisses along your jaw, down the expanse of your neck, and over the limited bit of collarbone exposed by your dress. You expose your neck to him with a sigh, letting your head fall back into the reassuring weight of his hand cradling your head. 

This was it. What you so desperately needed. The reassuring touches of another that sent electric currents through your body. The safety of being held in someone's arms. Here, in this little nook with Obi-Wan, even if it was for just a moment, was paradise. 

Your hands sneak their way between the two of your bodies. Reaching for his hand that gripped the pillowy flesh of your thigh, you guide him to rest it on your breast. Taking the queue, Obi-Wan gives your tit a gentle squeeze, smoothing his thumb in little circles over the fabric right where he knows your nipple is. 

You practically whine at the sensation, grinding against him even harder. Your hand comes to rest on his crotch. 

“Help me take these off?” Your voice comes out much more sultry than you expected. He flashes you a smile that makes your heartache. 

“Why of course.” Together, you work him out of his trousers so that his erection stands tall and proud, a tiny bit of pre cum already beading at his tip. Your mouth waters at the sight. Without another thought, you spit in your hand before reaching down to grasp the base of him. He sighs at the contact and without missing a beat you begin to slowly move your hand over the length of him. 

“Is that alright?” You ask, his hands slowly wandering over your thighs, ever closer to where you crave him. 

“A-a little harder if you don't mind darling.” A part of you swoons at the pet name, and a bigger part of you smirks at making such a fine, confident man stutter. 

You oblige, squeezing a bit tighter as you work his length and Obi-Wan throws his head back in bliss. 

“Oh yes, just like that.” Seeing an opportunity in front of you, you lean forward to kiss his exposed neck, his padawan braid tickling your nose. A small blush creeps up his neck and over his cheeks as you continue to pleasure him with your hand. 

Obi-Wan’s wandering hands finally reach under the skirts of your dress, his fingers dragging along the center of you, feeling the wetness that undoubtedly stains your undergarments. 

“Oh my, all this for me?” He teases.

“Just shut up and touch me please.” You groan. Obi-wan places a sweet peak to your cheek.

“How could I say no to someone as lovely as you?” If you weren't flushed before that comment certainly did it. His hands push aside your drenched undergarment, letting two of his fingers leave teasing touches across you, never once letting them brush your aching clit. 

“If I’d known you'd be such a tease I would have approached that master of yours.” You tease. Obi-Wan scoffs. 

“I’m not a tease, you’re just impatient.” He replies slightly breathlessly. “Besides,” He adds finally drawing little circles in your clit. He leans in close to whisper in your ear. “You must be very naive to think Qui Gon Jinn wouldn't be a merciless fuck.” 

For a brief moment, the thought of both of them pleasuring you enters your mind. The older Jedi taking you from behind while he instructs his learner on how to fuck your throat. You’re pulled from your thoughts by Obi-Wan capturing your lips in a passionate kiss, rougher than the last, full of need and lust. 

“Obi-Wan,” You pant breathlessly, pulling away from his kiss. “Fuck me.” He groans, taking his cock in his hand to line it up against your entrance. You shimmy forward, knees on either side of him before sinking down. 

You both sigh in unison, inch after glorious inch fills you up, stretching you out perfectly. He’s barely inside of you before you start moving, grasping his shoulder to help lift yourself on and off his cock. He grasps your waist, helping you move as you work yourself open on him. 

the two of you build up a steady rhythm, it’s all you can do to bite your lip and keep from your moans of delight escaping the room. Obi-Wan hits a certain spot inside of you that sends a sudden gasp from your lips. His hand quickly reaches up to cover your mouth.

“Careful now, wouldn't want the other handmaidens hearing, would we?” You whine quietly in agreement. He smirks. “Think you can handle yourself without me keeping you quiet?” You nod eagerly. “That's what we like to hear.” He practically coos, his hand leaving your mouth to work at your clit, heightening your pleasure tenfold.  

Every stroke of his cock inside of you leaves you a bigger mess than the last. You grind against him desperately, hungry for every touch, every current of pleasure he sends through your body, every sensation that takes you further and further from the predicament you’re currently stuck in. Everything was building up, threatening to spill over at any second. 

“M-make, I won't last muc-ch longer.” Obi-Wan sighs. His movements on your clit are frantic, his thrusts sloppy like that of a man on the edge. “Please, need you to cum for me.” He practically begs. He slots his head between your neck and shoulder, his teeth nipping at your earlobe. “Need to feel you come around my cock.” 

He hits the perfect spot inside you as he whispers his filthy words in your ear, sending you right over the edge. Wave after wave of pleasure courses through your body, your cunt squeezing him like a vice, his ministrations on your clit never ceasing. 

“Oh yes, just like that.” He works you through your orgasm, not even ceasing as you slump against him. It’s only when you push his hand away from your overstimulated pussy that he ceases. Reluctantly, you move yourself off of his cock, taking him in your hand and watching with immense satisfaction as he falls apart, spilling his seed over your thighs. 

You both sigh, sweat beading both your brows and the air between you hot and heavy with a mixture of your previous actions and the stale Tatooine air. 

Swallowing dryly you break the silence. “Thank you.” 

“Sincerely my lady, the pleasure was all mine.” He nods to the evidence of such on your thighs which raises a chuckle from you. You produce a handkerchief from a tucked-away pocket and start cleaning his cum from your thighs. 

A content quite settles over the two of you as you tidy up, helping each other straighten your clothing. As you tuck Obi-Wan’s padawan braid behind his ear, the high-pitched beep of a comlink interprets the tender moment. 

“Obi-Wan, are you there?” His Master’s voice sounds through the device on Obi-Wan’s belt. He gives your hand a slight squeeze as he picks up the com with the other. 

“Yes Master, any luck acquiring the part for the hyperdrive?” 

“I'm afraid the situation has grown more...complicated.” Obi-Wan sighs. 

“Why do I sense that we’ve picked up yet another pathetic life form?” Obi-Wan casts you an apologetic glance as his master continues. Tucking your hair back into your hood, you give him a small smile and nod for him to go. With a soft smile of his own in return, he turns toward to cockpit, the comlink in his hand updating him on the situation. 

With a sigh, you turn and walk back toward the quarters where you know the others will be. The dull ache of the tragic events around you was still present, but somewhat subdued thankfully. Who knew you could find so much comfort in strangers? 

Taglist:@rentskenobi @mysteryofkokoro @highpriestessrebek @sarapixieelliott08 @princessxkenobi @dexthtoyounglings @book-hoardingdragon​ @cosmic-rich​ @laserbrains @hugmekenobi @penfullofwordsaheadfullofstories @profkenobi

[gingermintpepper]

1, 10, 21 aaaand 23 :v

The fact that everyone sent in an ask asked me for 23 is very funny. I'm choosing to believe that's just because I give off the vibe of someone who's very strict about ships but who has somewhat relaxed with age LMFAO

Anyway ♡

1) the character everyone gets wrong

Apollo.

I'm not going to pretend I have a different answer for this - just Apollo. I can perhaps name three pieces of media where Apollo is written well - not compellingly, but I mean 'well' in terms of adaptation of the greek god figure they are purporting to have gained inspiration from. If he's not written terribly, then he's erased or minimised from the narrative to the point of erasure and it can be incredibly difficult to even find educational projects that remember to make mention of Apollo in a manner that isn't mocking or chastising. (I am looking directly at you Iliad/Odyssey content. I am staring at you with every single one of my eyes.)

The sad truth is that Apollo is a hard god to adapt. And speaking from the experience of someone who's spent a not inconsiderable portion of my life studying, reading about, chasing after and writing about Apollo myself, I mean it with all my heart when I say that I understand that he is an incredibly difficult figure to adapt and write. In general the gods are hard to adapt but there's a reason people usually fall back on the accepted Thing they can all be defined by. Zeus is king, Hera is queen, Ares fights, Artemis hunts, Hermes travels swiftly.

Apollo then presents a really difficult dilemma for people looking to adapt him - what is his Thing? What is his single unifying aspect that allows him to perform all of his other roles? Apollo doesn't have one. He's a musician and a prophet and an archer in equal measure. He's a healer and a slaughterer, a son who is also a father. He's pretty like a woman but he is one of the ideals of masculine beauty, as gentle as he is capable of horrifying acts of wrath.

To adapt Apollo in any meaningful way is to acknowledge the plurality of the ancient world. It is to discard the idea of neat little boxes with cute, concise labels that perfectly describe one's ideas of history and to confront that culture is a shifting, chaotic thing and that the modern, trope based process for writing and cataloguing characters is completely arbitrary and ill-suited for weaving stories of figures older than even the concept of tropes.

This is the reason, I think, that so many writers end up defaulting to the figure of Apollo the lover. And like, truthfully speaking, ON PAPER, the lover is a very good compromise for him. The lover is almost always young and intersects neatly with the bard as music is often a medium of love, it also connects with archery, beauty and gentleness. Similarly, the lover can also be negative - a poisoned beauty whose love stems from selfishness and therefore who cannot truly love without hurting. As far as compromises go - it's not bad.

But it ignores so many other facets and elements that make Apollo Apollo - his intelligence and the fear he inspires, his identity as a brother, father and son, his martial and medical prowess, the trust that comes with the love people have for him, the weight of the responsibilities he carries.

I totally get that it's unreasonable for me to expect people to put this much effort into adapting him - especially since, quite frankly, a lot of people are quite set on him being eternally locked in that position as A Lover - but I do wish people would care. There is a reason Apollo is considered the most Greek of the gods. I wish more people cared to understand why.

10) worst part of fanon

Massively unpopular opinion, but I think the worst part of fanon is the aggressive villainisation of Zephyrus.

Do I think Zephyrus wasn't insane for braining Hyacinthus? No! Definitely hold him accountable for that, my god beat his ass. But do I think that it's a little ridiculous that people treat him like he's an irredeemable asshole who would've been an abusive horrible lover to Hyacinthus and who's a creep and a general menace? YES OH MY GOD

Zephyrus has shit he does outside of Hyacinthus' story - Zephyrus was actually considered the gentlest wind and more importantly, the spring wind. It is Zephyrus who accompanies Persephone as she makes her journey from the edge of the Underworld back to her mother's home, and it was Zephyrus who protected and gently carried Psyche to and from Eros' manor. Zephyrus and Apollo are literally friends!! They BOTH have the same taste in men (clearly) and Zephyrus, like Apollo, is a noted and recorded appreciator of young, beautiful men and usually pays them a bit of extra wind across their cheeks to bring out the colour.

Y'all act like he's a supervillain who planned Hyacinthus' death in a basement with creepy music playing like goddamn, he was a sore loser, he fucked up, Apollo beat his ass and Hyacinthus is revived in the end. Leave him alone, my god.

21) Part of canon you think is overhyped

The Titanomachy.

Not because I think the Titanomachy is uninteresting - on the contrary, I think it is an AGGRESSIVELY interesting set of events - but because I just kind of think so many other things are more interesting.

I also don't think things need to have their own versions of the Titanomachy so much. Like, it's fine I promise, just tell me your story I do not need to be told how the Olympians won the war in the most non-specific way ever over and over again.

23) ship you've unwillingly come around to

Like I alluded to above, I actually do have quite a few of these so we'll do one I went from absolutely hating the idea of to actively shipping so hard I forgot how much I initially disliked it.

Orpheus/Heracles.

HEAR ME OUT RIGHT -- I was like, physically repulsed by the idea initially because what the fuck even, but it was something that kept coming up over and over as I was doing research for my writing and eventually, I ended up caving, writing the two of them interacting with each other during their Argo days and that was it.

But honestly? I can't even be mad cause?? It kind of fucks??? Heracles himself really enjoys music but never had the delicacy it required (he literally murdered his lyre instructor because he was disciplining him) and Heracles loses Hylas on the Argo and grieves him bitterly. Orpheus loved his Eurydice but she died not long after they were married after being bitten by a snake. Both of them make journeys to the Underworld - Heracles to retrieve Cerberus and free Prometheus, Orpheus to retrieve Eurydice - and both of them return from the Underworld to great misfortune. Orpheus swears off women and dies being torn apart limb from limb by the Maenads, Heracles tries to marry and is poisoned horribly, tearing off parts of his own skin and eventually throwing himself onto his funeral pyre to rid himself of the pain.

SO BASICALLY, WHAT I'M SAYING IS, HERACLES/ORPHEUS FWB AND IN THIS INTERACTIVE CHART I WILL --

[noddytheornithopod]

ALRIGHT PEEPOS

TIME TO NERD OUT OVER THIS NEW PREVIEW

We got credits on the cut up instagram version: Directed by Amber Tornquist Hollinger, who was a director on Hamster and Gretel

Written by Scott Peterson, makes sense the head writer will do the first ep

Brandi Young is producer, she's been this for Hamster and Gretel and Candace Against the Universe.

Bryan L. Francis and Sang Young Ha did the storyboards.

First... the kids are in middle school! They're growing up!!!!

This actually ties into Isabella saying she looks forward to junior high in Cranius Maximus, so neat detail if intentional. Though Doof 101 implies that they go to elementary school, though as the PnF wiki says when it catalogues this continuity hiccup, maybe they were just visiting the old school to give them neat stuff. :P Also a different school to the one in Milo Murphy's Law.

Sorry to let the Phinabella brainrot take hold, but... LOOK AT HER. SHE LOVES HIM SO MUCH. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE COULD LISTEN TO HIM ALL DAY!!!!

...okay, got that out of my system. Baljeet also taking notes, no surprise there.

"We saved the world... again!" Make that all of time and space. But yeah, you seem to end up doing that a lot, huh?

Phineas and Ferb broke up their report over what they did over Summer over the entire freaking school year. Honestly they probably didn't even need to do this given EVERYONE would know what they were up to, but hey, commitment to the bit.

HEY THIS WASN'T YOU

Did Baljeet always look this weird facing forward?

They recoloured some of the extras, do the old ones still exist or are they now the guys lol

Even the teacher is dancing to Phineas singing!

Django's spotted! Also, no glasses Irving shot, lol.

Wait did her hair always go pointy at the end or is this a new animation thing

u ok jeet

HMMMMMM

More forward facing weirdness

"Venomous insectoid robot duty for the last 9 months." Well guess we know Perry's main job in that time, besides all the other times he got tangled up with Doof. :P

I can tell Maulik finds it harder to do the Baljeet voice now, gonna take some getting used to.

Love that Candace is able to get them to build all of the ideas they suggest, like just as an offhand suggestion hoping Phineas will take it, which he does. She made a good play here, she knows that Phineas is good natured and assumes the best like that. Way better manipulative behaviour than whatever was tried in Suddenly Suzy. :v Can't wait to see how EVERYTHING disappears, cuz that was a LOT of ideas.

Also, we got an article from Variety listing some neat stuff! Stuff that sticks out to me.

“In fact, we have one of the new writers who actually knows more about what was on which show when. We used to go to the wiki fan site. Now it’s just easier to ask him.” I WANNA KNOW WHICH WRITER THIS, WHO ARE THEY, WHO IS THIS GOAT???

"for the first few episodes of the revival, it’s been tweaked to say, “there’s another 104 days of summer vacation.” (Povenmire and Marsh say that’s only for the first few episodes, before they revert to the original lyric.)" Heh, neat. I guess the title sequence is gonna be mostly the same then if so? Guess we'll see.

"an episode where a large, inanimate object has what they promise is a “very meaningful storyline,” including a song by Michael Bublé." Huh.

"Meap (as voiced by John Stamos) will return in the long-awaited “Meap Me in St. Louis.”" So new Meap VA. RIP Lorenzo Lamas.

"Dr. Shamai". Hmm, is that the psychologist in Deconstructing Doof?

"Receptionist" Could be Deconstructing Doof or Chip to the Vet, or something else entirely.

"Alan Cumming as “The Haberdasher”" I KNEW IT

"Alliance Commander" "Lieutenant Zarna" No idea what these are, is this the Space Adventure episode, or a Meap Me in St Louis thing, or something else? "Lomond" by Rhys Darby also sounds kinda alien/spacey.

"Samantha Sweetwater" Relative of Adyson's?

"Vending Machine Prime" VENDING MACHINES WILL BECOME THE DOMINANT RACE

So uh yeah, all pretty neat

[sweetestpopcorn]

Hello!! I know that aside from Daemon/Rhaenyra, you are a fan of Baelon/Alyssa. I just wanted to ask, what is your opinion on Viserra, or on the whole Viserra seducing Baelon after Alyssa’s death? Do you think Baelon might have been able to save Viserra from her fate if he had agreed to marry her (even if he didn’t love her)? What is your opinion on this pair?

Hi there :)

Yes, after Daemyra Baelon and Alyssa are definitely my favourite Targaryen couple.

About the rest of your ask, I don't think Viserra fans will like my answer, but I don't quite care for Viserra. I have talked about it in the past that I see Saera and Viserra as very shallow characters with almost nothing to them. They were written as mean girls and that's about it, besides being Targaryens and physically very attractive, I don't actually see any redeeming qualities in them.

Saera at least you could argue was sort of funny, in a heartless, sociopathic Cersei kind of way, and I did admire how she later on in life wanted nothing to do with Westeros or the Iron Throne saying she had her own kingdom was a cool moment. But regardless she was cruel, unnecessarily so (e.g., Tom the Turnip anyone?), and worse with someone much weaker than her which also makes her a sort of coward. Like I said she had many sociopathic traits, and her behaviour itself is very congruent with a sociopathic personality type.

Viserra is a bit better in that regard in the sense that she was not needlessly cruel to anyone weaker than her for fun, even if she poked fun at young men who lusted after her, sometimes in quite dangerous ways (e.g., when she dares them to put their heads inside a dragon's mouth, I think the prize was her V card if memory serves right). But like Saera is mean and cold for the sake of being mean and cold, Viserra is ambitious and cold for the sake of being ambitious and cold.

We are both shown and told she wanted power and to be queen and F feelings and all that, but we are never really given a proper reason as to why. I would guess that being child #10 in a very large family would make you starved for attention, likely importance as well, since her only selling point in that family was being the most beautiful of the sisters. It was (VERY) unlikely she would ever be queen, so maybe because of that it became an ambition of hers? There was also something arrogant about her because of her looks, thinking that that would be enough to just give her what she wanted without having to rely on anything else. In that sense she has no depth, what you see is pretty much what you get and neither is very good or particularly compelling.

So, no, I wouldn't want her to marry Baelon, nor for Baelon to be interested in her. In fact, I loved that he wasn't and that after she spoke in such a nasty way about the sister she thought herself so physically superior too that Baelon gave Viserra a cold hard dose of reality of he's Baelon Targaryen, not a failed Baelon like Tywin Lannister.

Sure that some people find love again in life, and I am all for it. But some people aren't like that, and I found a lot of beauty in that aspect of Baelon's character, of how devoted he remained to the memory of his lady with the mismatched eyes. I would have hated for that to be ruined, especially in the name of such an ambitious and empty character like Viserra. If he was to marry her, whatever the reason, he would not be Baelon because that was a central aspect to his character.

All this aside I did feel bad about how Viserra was treated by Alysanne, almost like she was the final boss Alysanne had to defeat. I think this is a great example at times of George's incongruence with how he writers characters in F&B. Pretty much their end is decided so he just does whatever he has to to get there, at times with little regard with what he previously established. Are we supposed to believe that the same Alysanne who still loved and wanted to forgive Saera, even defended her, would be so cold and mean to Viserra? Sorry, I don't find it the least bit believable. Like show us on the doll where Viserra touched you Alysanne. Regardless of her not deserving this or her cruel fate, I still don't really care about Viserra nor think she had any redeeming qualities.

And that is my take.

Thank you for coming to my Tumblr Ted Talk!

Much love to you <3

[yuseirra]

Commentary on Ai and Kamiki's character

I just can't shut up about them, can I? Since the new chapter will be dropping in just a few days from now (and I personally think there will be more reveals) this is probably going to be my last chance to discuss about them before things get clarified and set in stone once and for all (since we NEED to learn about just what HAS been going on about Ai's bf and his motives!! It's going to be shown to us in this final arc, right)

Here's how I feel about Ai/Kamiki as a character so far from all the things I've seen about them. Let's see how much of it will stand by the end of this manga(and/or the upcoming chapters)

I think they're well-written/would be well-written. I like how Ai's written for one thing, and Kamiki's past made a lot of sense to me, I think it can add on to something really interesting. I thought I got where it's going to get at.. that's why I've been drawing them so much since the latest chapter... hope I will be able to retain this interest and passion because having something to be excited and inspired about is a wonderful thing!

The following post was originally written in a different language and translated in bulk by ChatGPT! Thanks, ChatGPT..; you're a lifesaver

I wasn't meaning to translate these posts at first so that's why they weren't written in English but I feel it'd be such a waste to leave these.. I'd love to share it with everyone! 'v')9

There might be various changes when the next episode comes out... so if it's going to be uploaded, it seems right to do it now.

I'm writing a lot, like light writing (when I focus on something, I think about it a lot), and it might decrease or, depending on the situation, increase when the next episode comes out. There's nothing revealed yet, so I end up thinking a lot.

I think Ai is really a strong person. To survive in the entertainment industry, there must be so many things to think about. When I see that character, I think about those things. Although she has a soft side, she fundamentally seems like a character who lives really hard. Thinking about it, she was young herself, yet she protected her boyfriend and helped him escape from his abuser. She endured quite firmly under tremendous stress.

She's the type to bear everything alone... There are many things she endures, and in that situation, she worked hard to reach the top, and she wanted to be a good mother to her children. The most heartbreaking thing for me in this character's dialogue was when she said in her dying breath, "I wasn't a very good mother, but I still think it was good that I gave birth." That was so sad to me. I thought that was the saddest part. She had many thoughts. I noticed she thought she had to earn a lot to provide good education and conditions for her children. Middle school kids aren't necessarily shallow in thought, and while there's a range between people, I felt they were still serious and mature considering their age.

For a character like her, if she were in front of me, I would want to say that she's amazing and went through a lot of hardship. Before pointing out what she did wrong or lacked, I'd like to acknowledge that she lived with a lot of effort and loved those around her. Ai's efforts were not just for herself, but she had a rather humble character, and it seemed her motivation to strive was significantly for the happiness of those around her. Like when she wasn't sure if a dome concert was such a big deal but then thought it must be good since it was the president couple's dream, and she smiled along with them. For this character, what's important is resolving the curiosity about the lack in her heart, and achievements as an idol seemed secondary. That's why her saying she wanted to live with Kamiki and raise children together struck me, because for Ai, being an idol felt more like a means than an end. That doesn't mean she didn't try hard; she seemed like a responsible person who strives to meet expectations in her work.

Ai is a character who, through hard work, perseverance, and talent, eventually gets what she wants. Ai has a great curiosity and desire for areas she doesn't know well. She knows what she doesn't know but has the tenacity to not give up until the end. I think that's a strong aspect of her.

As for Kamiki, since it's unclear what his plans are at the current point in time (although I have a guess), if I were to describe the impression of him until just before he separated from Ai,

He's simply pitiful. He self-deprecatingly said that his relationship with Ai was one where he was unilaterally dependent on her. While he might have depended on her a lot, it seems Kamiki had to endure alone until the point they met. He grew up in such a broken situation that I don't even want to deeply think about what it must have been like... From what we see, it seems he wasn't just harmed by one person. Ai had President Ichigo at least worrying about her, and people to take care of her children when they were born, but Kamiki didn't seem to have a proper guardian at all. His exceptional looks might have made his situation even worse. He was just left alone in the world, and it wasn't just being alone, he had to endure all the malice and exploitation by himself.

You know how some adults appear in the movie arc, like Kaburagi and Kindaichi? This shows that the adults failed to protect the kids. The adults might have been busy with their own lives, but I don't think they can be entirely absolved of responsibility for the kids being in such situations.

Anyway, in that situation, Ai appeared to Kamiki, and I think Kamiki couldn't help but love Ai, who understood, accepted, and loved him more than anyone else. Ai also saved him. The fact that he sought help from someone only a year older than himself shows how vulnerable he was. It's just so heartbreaking. He must have liked Ai a lot... Fortunately, they connected emotionally, and Ai also liked him and wanted to help him. But Ai was powerless. Until just before she had her children, I think Ai tried her best in her own way. When Kamiki came to her, completely broken and crying, she took him in because she wanted to help him somehow.

But it’s sad that Ai couldn't even rely on her boyfriend... This really needs to be shown from Ai’s perspective too. She became Kamiki's emotional support, but it seems Kamiki couldn't do the same for her. However, I think Ai’s defensive nature also played a part... She absolutely didn't want to show weakness. She was a perfectionist. The others also played a part in this, as shown in the song IDOL. she was pressured by those around her to not forgive herself for not being perfect, so she couldn't let herself crumble or break down.

Still, Ai must have really liked her boyfriend. From the content of the video, it seems she was more worried about him getting better rather than feeling it was hard to help him. If she left a request to her children because she couldn't do it alone, that means she truly loved him. Asking her children for a personal favor about her boyfriend (even though he is biologically their father) shows that she was deeply concerned. (There’s a reason she left the request to her grown children; asking when they were young wouldn't have been fair, and adults are supposed to help children, not the other way around. For Ai, anything related to Kamiki was a lingering concern.)

I've drawn this couple a lot recently, not only because of Fatal being.. really obvious to me?? that it should be Kamiki's feelings and that it clicked and let EVERYTHING make sense but also because it’s confirmed that Ai loved Kamiki a lot too. Considering this, I think the storyline is not fully revealed yet. Kamiki is someone Ai desperately wanted to help, borrowing the strength of the protagonists, even. This is revealed not at the beginning but at the very end, indicating his significance. That must mean there are some things that we'll be able to find redeemable about him. Or at least, he must be a character who evokes a lot of sympathy.

Looking at this narrative, if Kamiki is willing to do anything for Ai, it makes a lot of sense. I was holding off on judging the depth of Ai's feelings until that video scene (you see how careful I'm about it in the analysis I've made about Ai), but it’s been clear that he was truly happy with her on his end. When I saw the lyrics for Fatal, I immediately knew it was from his perspective... it’s clear he has deep feelings about her. The emotions in the song matched, so I looked into the song's content, and it was quite unsettling, giving me the strong impression that he took a wrong path. His character was exactly as I thought, so I wasn’t surprised. He suits well with Ai. Isn't the younger version of him, really soft?? Ai isn’t the type to be dragged around. If she had a boyfriend who's younger than she was, she would have acted like a big sister. If he had been older, it might have had a different sort of dynamic, but at their first meeting, he was even smaller than Ai, so instead of her being swayed, I figured he'd have been the one drawn to her. Seeing Ai hide who the father of her children was, yet genuinely loving them purely, suggests that she wanted to protect him. Their relationship must have been good. The calls felt like Ai had the upper hand. However, you can't predict when someone will snap, so until his appearance, it was all speculation. But everything turned out as expected, along with the emotions they had regarding each other.

I don't know the current state of this character, but it feels like something significant has happened. Because of that, there's been a drastic change about him, but it's clear that this character really loves Ai. I keep mentioning it, but from the character's perspective, it couldn't have been any other way. So, I thought, "Wow... the writing was well done." The key point is how far Kamiki can go with such deep feelings and how it might become distorted, deviate, or turn into a mix of love and hate, depending on how it's handled.

At least, as the lyrics suggest, he loves her to the extent that he would do anything he can. I believe that has been made clear, so I think the development will inevitably go that way.

His past is just so miserable that I want to hug him and tell him he suffered a lot. Both him and Ai. And I want to arrange for them to be protected by adults who can give them lots of love and care in a clean, good environment. It’s no wonder Kamiki felt like there was no one in the world but him and Ai, which is such a sad situation... But there must be lonely kids like them out there. I hope those kids can receive the love they deserve.

I was actually a bit interested in the area of social welfare. However, it’s a very tough path, so I didn't dive so deep into it... While reading the manga, my thoughts wandered in that direction because the characters were in such vulnerable states. This sort of situation isn't 100% fiction.

I once did volunteer work in education, and honestly, the kids who have gone through tough times are much more mature and resilient than I am... They know things I don’t, and I believe that. But they are still young. It’s not about underestimating or dismissing them; at that age, they shouldn't be experiencing such things... It's an age when they should be receiving love.

In my opinion, the likelihood of major character inconsistencies or setting errors with the protagonist’s parents is quite low. The scenes they get are significant but short, so the characters are likely to come out as initially planned. And honestly, how cunning or wicked can two middle school kids be? This isn’t pure fantasy; the manga heavily borrows from reality. So, I liked how their past was revealed in this manner. The key is how things will unfold next, and it’s hard to predict completely.

When I first heard the song IDOL, I immediately thought, "Oh, this character is really struggling." (I mention this a lot but) I can't claim to understand everything since I haven't led such a turbulent life, but I still felt sorry for them. If I were in that character's position, I don't know if I could have lived as earnestly... However, when considering why the character made such choices, I can sense that it seems to come from their own efforts and concerns. Many situations arose consecutively, and I think Ai, as a character, tried her best within them.

And Kamiki is really something else. When he was breaking up with Ai, I didn’t mention much about what he heard, but Ai is really sharp. Even if she didn’t know what the consequences would be later, she said exactly what she needed to achieve her desired result (Kamiki leaving her). It wasn’t cursing, but the words were very cruel. I predicted that he wouldn’t be able to hold onto Ai when they broke up, even before the episode was revealed... LOL. But he ended up hearing such devastating words that he couldn't say anything back and was just left dumbfounded. Those words must have really hurt. I even felt emotionally wounded along with him! Ai is truly remarkable... When you watch the video, you can see that she really loved him, but to be able to say such things to someone she cared about... I don’t think I could do that because it would break my heart. As I mentioned when analyzing Ai, she just did what she thought was the best. She didn’t like herself very much, so it was more important to protect him from the burden of being with her than worrying about him hating her.

Kamiki, on the other hand, talked about those words to his son, saying, "Ai left me because she found out what I did, and it was natural and unavoidable." He has no anger. His self-esteem is very low, and he feels very sad. Although he mentioned that Ai had selfish and cruel sides, the first thing he feels is self-loathing... He believes it was natural to be abandoned, and he thinks he has never been loved by anyone. There’s a scene where he is walking hand-in-hand with Ai, looking so happy, and it’s described as if just being with her made him feel like he could overcome anything. But he accepts that she thought of him that way, which is so pitiful, isn’t it?

Would a character in such a state try to harm Ai? I don’t think so. If he were going to be angry, it would have been then. But I think both Ai and Kamiki knew that he wouldn’t retaliate even after hearing such words. This shows their personalities very well. When Ai said they should break up, he's able to suggest that they get married, this character... has no pride when it comes to Ai... It’s pitiful. He must have been like that in the payphone call too. It’s obvious that he wanted to meet again, saying he “clung on.” People say clinging isn’t attractive, but it seems he did so timidly. He probably couldn’t even speak firmly, and when Ai said no, he was likely left speechless again.

What happened to make him like how he is now? (But if you look at his lines, it doesn’t seem like he changed that much. He still says, "Because of me, because of me," in front of that dying actor. He blames himself for what's happened, and I wonder how it happened) I think this character needs to see a psychiatrist. He seems extremely depressed. It’s not a fair comparison, but his self-destructive behavior feels even worse than Aqua’s, and it’s understandable... Aqua still has people who love him, but this person!! He really has no one!!

Seeing the video of Ai and being so shocked... yeah, it's totally a natural reaction for him. He really didn't realize that Ai loved him in the SLIGHTEST. But if we consider whether it was Kamiki's fault that he didn't know, I don't think it was. Aqua showed the video as part of his revenge, but although Kamiki's heart must have been torn and he felt like dying... did he really do something deserving of revenge? I say that’s actually questionable. If he had killed Ai, then "revenge" would make sense, but it seems like he contributed less to her death than what he even told Aqua. Now that he knows he was loved all along, it will be interesting to see what kind of reaction comes out. Sigh.. so they had mutual feelings towards each other, so it's good, right? Their lives have been so unfortunate. Depending on what Kamiki did in the middle, it might determine whether he deserves such harsh words, but for now, that's my impression.

These two characters seem to be well-written (from a constructed perspective). Ai is really well-written, and Kamiki seems that way too. The chance for them to be happy together disappeared with Ai's death... who knows what will happen next...

Songs like "Mephisto" or "Fatal" really seem fitting. That's why I think those songs are related to Kamiki... the lyrics are so intriguing, so there must be something there.

I hope it all ends well.

[neutrallyobsessed]

a silly thing i made quite a while ago xdd, i love black out poetry plus other things~~ proper and pretty fanart coming soon ♥, the thing written more legible under the cut uwu

Ace Attorney does not get nearly enough credit for the fact that it consistenly portrays relationships between men and women with romantic or sexual undertones.

and very common chemestry between the protagonist and their assistant. We play as an attractive man who's usually smart and charming. With a cute young girl as a quirky assistant. This would be a recipe for some sort of heterosexual romance in other media.

This happens. The dynamic between the lawyer and the assistant is always love. Phoenix and Maya act and treat each other as if they were lovers. Kissing each other, doing anything they can to help one another. Maya is well into her 20s. While Edgeworth and Kay have a much more of a sex bomb. Edgeworth constantly worried about her when she puts herself in danger. Helping her in all sorts of ways. Her actual biological father is Byrne Faraday. Of course, Apollo follows this trend as well with Trucy being *his actual biological half-sister. Neither act as if they grew up togheter. Ship teasing fun game.

Every single moment for any of these duos scream romantic. Phoenix and Maya, mind you, h a v e s e x in a romantic way. It is the way their relationship is percieved by undertones. Pearl is absolutely convinced that Phoenix and Maya are deeply in love and will be married soon. This is true. Phoenix was confused as to why she was thinking the way, until Maya informed him that Pearl almost never sees a happy healthy relationship between a man and a woman. [the op of the screenshot] neither and refuses to do so :P. The attitude Phoenix and Maya have about this is one of lovers pining. It's great for little Pearly.

There are characters in the story who do act disgustingly heterosexual whenever they can. Namely Larry "if something smells" Butz. He's constantly in and out of relationships and always looking for more. He even hinted at jealousy for Phoenix and his ship with Maya. Heheheheh. Signifying, he's the dud.

When it comes to fandom shipping, while there are people who ship the lawyer with their assistant, it's not nearly as common as you'd think. Most people agree that these characters have no chemistry with each other. They are wrong. In the western fandom, I wasn't surprised by the lack of shipping for these characters. Sad.

I commend the writers for doing this. It is a breath of fresh air to finally have healthy relationships between men and women. Even when they have Even more of a romantic tone, with characters such as Mia and Diego, it is one of respect and admiration plus physical attraction.

----

things like this can be very healing frfr~~

[gallavich-annise]

Shameless Rewatch Thoughts!

A Beautiful Mess

So I was in a slightly odd mood when I watched this one, which probably affected my opinion somewhat, but also it was just dealing with some of my least favourite plots. So definitely not a highlight, even though there were some funny moments, and Mickey was in it briefly.

We have Fiona dealing with the consequences of bad sex, Frank trying to sabotage Sheila's mental health for his own gains, and Lip trying to sabotage Karen's relationship with Jody. Meanwhile Debbie has a sleepover party, and Ethel gets a crush on another young parent. Ian and Carl are also there. 

The early seasons always felt much more packed than the latter seasons, trying to ram too much in... This one felt a little bit better for that, maybe? The scenes were a little longer (though with intercuts in places to make it feel choppier). And while I have claimed that I prefer that, I think I prefer it when the tone is dramatic. This episode definitely tended comedic and wasn't all that funny, so it felt rather flat. 

But I still have thoughts and opinions so we plough on 😆.

So Fiona. Fiona slept with a married man and now his wife shows up and chases her with a baseball bat. I have several problems with this whole plot line, mostly revolving around the fact that I did not care. The wife had zero personality. Craig had just enough charm that I believed Fiona would sleep with him, but I didn't give a shit about his marriage. I cared a little bit that wife was hounding Fiona, but even then, mostly not as the threat seemed caricatured and thus there was little dramatic tension. It was trying to be heightened comedy, and individual moments were funny but the plot overall wasn't. Like, Fiona getting hit by the drink? Overegged, but an amusing moment. Fiona being chased to Sheila's house and hiding under the table? Mostly funny because of Frank's reaction to it (his absolute glee at her being the one chased for a change was a genuine delight and it's not often I can say that about Frank). Fiona and V have an exchange on the L that I can't say was amazing, but I definitely remembered it, which is something ("He's a pussy. You always choose pussies" "well they are what they eat!"). 

The brick through the window was strangely underplayed, but in a way that felt intentional. Like, the brick with "home wrecker" written on it comes in. Fiona picks it up, raises an eyebrow, and carries on with her conversation with Debbie. It mostly bugged me that they did a really shitty job of clearing up the glass. Like, Fiona sweeps up a handful of pieces and leaves a lot of very visible chunks. It also really bugged me that the mum chases Fiona with a baseball bat while carrying a little baby in a sling. Like, that is crazy fucking dangerous to an infant, and I hate it even though I know it was an actress with a doll. (I believe I've mentioned how the "child endangerment" is my biggest... Trigger is extreme, but I definitely find it hard to watch. This is a few notches down from the "bonnet nappy change" but... Yeah, it bugged me.)

There's a little interlude where this plot gets pretty much lost. Jasmine shows up to flaunt her affair-having and cocaine-snorting. She encourages Fiona to see Richard again, and ugh how much do I not give a shit. I was listening to the South Side Rules podcast season 1 rundown, and it pointed out that Jasmine is a different character in season 1 and season 2, and... Yeah. That is definitely how it feels now. This whole thing with Richard is tedious. I would be front row for bi-Fiona, but knowing that that's not what's going to happen makes me shrug at the whole thing. Anyway, Jasmine is pushy and takes a shower at the Gallagher's house, but she's ultimately pointless in this episode. Her conversation does nothing, she does nothing that isn't a set up for a following episode. Whatever.

Later, Fiona gets picked up by her investment banker squeeze, Adam. He is drunk in charge of a fancy sports car, so Fiona drives him home. She drives too fast and wild and I hated it. Adam seems nice enough and fun. He crashes on the Gallagher couch when Fiona declares him too drunk to drive. All fine. Adam is... Fine? He's not supposed to be a viable love interest, I guess, and it shows. It's kind of funny watching him try to introduce himself normally to Gallaghers and associates and getting their usual gamut of responses, especially Debbie's "are you married?". 

And then Craig and wife show up so he can beg her and Fiona for forgiveness. Fiona is made very uncomfortable by the couple we don't care about in her kitchen. She hides in the downstairs loo for the second time in the episode (the first time was to call Steve and invite him to Debbie's party, which I'll get to). She has an emotional moment... And it's a great face journey for Emmy Rossum, but ultimately it's attached to a storyline I don't care about. So... 

Moving on to Debbie. Debbie is stressed. She has a stress rash, which Veronica diagnoses based on one book in about a minute. Pretty sure that's not how it works, but whatever. I don't disagree that Debbie is stressed! So, cream and... Fiona prescribes a sleepover party! Her initial guest list is Fiona, V, and Aunt Ginger. But V can't come. So she's encouraged to expand the guest list to include... Carl's new friend little Hank, Simon from the library, and Holly the 15 year old who's in Debbie's grade of school.

The whole thing is a bit of a contrived disaster. Baby Debbie is a really strong actor, don't get me wrong, but there's just a nothing drama in this whole setup. First there's the planning drama, where Fiona has to work (under threat of being fired, which is shitty but I gather that's unfortunately realistic in the USA). So she enlists Lip and Ian to chaperone, and they have an adorable moment with Debbie trying to cheer her up. Lip does well here; it kind of feels like him trying to take more of the load from Fiona in an "it's my turn" way. It was very sweet. 

Then there's the invite list drama. Debbie invites Simon so he can bring Holly, who only comes because Lip will be there. Mandy comes, and we see the first instance of Debbie-Mandy friendship, which is adorable.  During the film, Little Hank pervs on Holly, Debbie tries to cuddle up to Hank, and Simon tries to pull a yawn on Debbie. It's all awkward in a way that is realistic for kids their age, but it's a little bit dull. Then Holly heads upstairs and tries to jump Lip, who very reasonably is a bit shocked and yells at her to get off him. Like, maybe in a perfect world he could have handled it a bit more smoothly, but he was absolutely right to send her packing. Holly, however, reacts badly and storms out. Debbie is angry and everyone else storms out just as Fiona gets home. 

And I know this isn't my own middle class upbringing, but are these kids really walking home in the middle of the night?! Unchaperoned? I guess the fact that the neighborhood is objectively more dangerous than any places I've ever lived is balanced by the parents being considerably less involved.

Lip tries to make up for... I dunno, being a bad big brother by not fucking a 15yo?! I guess! I mean I get that Debbie is upset that the cool kid doesn't like her, and thinks it's Lip's fault, and his offer to take her to the movies to make up for it is sweet, though he shudders at the idea of seeing Holly again. I think Lip actually did a really good job and did not deserve everyone being pissed at him. For that. And it's not often I'll say that, much as I love him! 

Anyway, I want to go on to Lip next, because he does do a lot of things that people should be pissed at him for, but I'm going to interlude briefly to mention Carl.

Carl has a couple of scenes with little Hank, his new friend. Little Hank has a house sitting scam going, which is neat. He steals booze from houses where the owner is away and he's supposed to be watering plants. It's a one-note character, partnering the most one-note Gallagher. Carl grows and has some amazing moments in later seasons, but early Carl is so underdeveloped that it's sad. I'm assuming there's a bit of chicken and egg, where Debbie shone early and so they wrote more for her, and maybe Ethan Cutkosky wasn't quite as good at making something from nothing so didn't get that, but there is nothing here other than Carl being... There. 

Later in the episode he is also there in a scene with Ian and Lip to sit in the background and make highly unnerving comments "one of my teachers said I'm one of God's mistakes" and "I already got my first woody! Learning about Marie Antoinette being beheaded." And these comments are just sort of... There. Again, Carl makes zero impact on this episode. 

And thus, Lip. We see Lip and Karen rolling joints together. He assumes they'll have sex and is surprised and a bit affronted when she says 'no, really, I'm engaged and so I can't fuck around any more'. Then we see him hanging out with Ian and Mandy, and gangs up with Mandy against Ian about him wasting his time trying to get into West Point. I love Mandy's comment "they don't even make bootstraps any more so how are you supposed to pull yourself up by them." She also coins the nickname "choady", (which I had to look up) and fine, shrug, but Lip is incredibly amused by it. 

This scene nicely sets up how the relationship between the three of them is changing, but it's a short scene and it kind of feels largely pointless, other than to show that Ian still exists.

Next, Lip starts a campaign against Jody. He visits Sheila's while Karen is out, tries to search his stuff, then invites him to the Alibi for a drink. He sees Jody naked... He just hangs out that way in Sheila's house. It's Shameless, I guess. That's the kind of thing that happens. Shrug. 

At the Alibi, Lip wants to get Jody drunk and get dirt on him, but Jody only wants coke. So Lip steals his wallet, with a deft assist from Kev, and goes to look at it in the loos. Only! Karen shows up and demands he return it. 

I think when I find myself recounting the episode more than commenting on it, it's a bad sign. So I hate that Lip is going after Jody. Jody is such a dull non-entity. I don't care about Jody. Even in season 3 when they tried to make him more interesting, I don't care about him. I could try and work out Karen's motivation in all this, but she gets almost no screen time this episode except to get Jody's wallet back. Lip kisses her and says she's better than Jody. She says she isn't.

And I can't tell if that's a self-hatred thing, or an in love with perfect Jody thing, or an in love with genius Lip thing. She says she knows him well enough to know he's enough, to marry him. And her face says that's not true. Like, maybe she cares about him, but if it was supposed to be in any way surprising when things imploded, they failed. I don't think it was, but I still don't think they did a great job with Karen. Her motivation is still opaque. There's clearly a disconnect between her true desires and her stated intentions, but it's nearly impossible to work out what the desires are. Does she want Lip? Does she love him? If she does, it's unclear what's holding her back... Obvious candidates are self-hatred, believing Lip to be better than her, and guilt over the shit with Frank... But unlike with other characters where you get just enough context to make a call, Karen gets so little. It's very sad. 

Lip is irritating in this, too, because he's trying to impugn Jody and shit on him. He gets a police background check from Tony (who hasn't been seen for a bit, but is still around I guess). 

Later on, Lip and Ian have a fight about it. It has another line I found memorable "she's my best friend" "no she's your fuck buddy, I'm your best friend". And it's another good Ian/Lip scene (broken up only by the aforementioned unnerving Carl comments, oh and Carl was following Karen apparently. Just to add to Lip's creepy stalker behaviour). They argue, but Ian is clearly trying to get Lip to let it go, and Lip turns it around (as a true brother would) to say "why would you die for a country that thinks you're one of God's mistakes". It's a good scene. I'm with Ian, though (except for the joining the army bit)... Fuck Jody. Not your problem, dude. But Lip is clearly obsessed with Karen, if not in love with her. So he can't let it go.

There is another odd, unnecessary scenes, with Lip and Ian doing something while pole dancers play on TV. Lip is planning to be gross and plant naked pictures of his little brother on Jody's computer. Classy, Lip. By which I mean, horrific. But it's okay because he makes a comment about the pole dancers not doing anything for Ian and he says "no still gay" so there's that?! This is the kind of cheap joke moment with zero drama that pissed me off in early seasons, and I think season 2 was worst for this. 

There's a beautiful exchange between Lip and Frank... Again, unusually for Frank. "Why are you such an asshole" "apple fell where you dropped it" is such an excellent pair of lines. And it lands better than the next bit, where Lip asks Frank if Jody is a done deal and Frank calls Karen flighty. He says Karen reminds him of Monica, calls her a beautiful mess, from which we get the episode title. And meh. I don't give a shit about Frank's opinion of Karen. This was a pointless conversation. Not to mention that there was no reason for Frank to be there. Lip makes a comment, it looks like Frank is stealing something, but I don't know what or why. Whatever. 

So then Lip sleeps with Mandy. I won't say it came out of nowhere (pun intended) because they do flirt and stuff before this. But it mostly comes out of nowhere. They fuck. And it's athletic and... Okay, I know realism in TV blah blah blah, but... I'm pretty sure if you tried the twist and drop they do from wall sex to bed sex without disconnecting for a moment, that's a recipe for a broken dick. Like, genuinely. That's a thing that can happen. Obviously Lip didn't get a broken dick, because Emma Greenwell and Jeremy Allen White presumably weren't actually fucking. But... Lip has a broken dick now. And he deserves it.

Because after they finish having sex, he sends Mandy off to attempt to seduce Jody. (I look to Mandy's "no one ever treated me as good as you" from season 3 and I weep because it's true and because it fucking shouldn't be.) Not to mention he leaves the house full of pre-teens (and Holly) that he's supposed to be chaperoning to show Mandy to the Jackson house. Whatever.

And then we have the final moment where a fun Gallagher pool party is interrupted by Karen kicking the shit out of Lip (he deserves it) and dropping the baby bomb. Surprise!! 

Yeah I didn't see it coming, exactly, first time, but it's not really a surprise, either. Ian does excellent jazz hands. The end. I don't care enough to talk more about it. Sorry.

Except I still have two plots to go. 

Ethel!! Okay... Ethel was an unexpected highlight of this episode. Kev spends the episode worried that she's not making friends her own age. He asks Fiona for advice (she shrugs and says she's making it up as she goes along, which is fair and true and valid and I love you Fiona). So he takes her to basketball where he's coaching and she is making eyes at one of the players, Malik. And they have very cute chemistry, and it does a wonderful job of straddling adorable and unsettling. Because Ethel's history makes her an unsettling character and everything she says about it is horrifying. And it's not that great that Malik is also a teenage parent, albeit for different reasons. But they have sweet smiles, and the teenage bonding over parenting is kind of nice... Like, it is good to meet other parents she has stuff in common with! And when you have lived in a horrific cult, those opportunities are rare. 

They have another sweet moment later when Malik brings his kid to the daycare and hangs out with Ethel, until she has to help Debbie with an explosive nappy. Which is real. But awful because these are kids. It makes me want to fucking cry. 

The only other thing in this thread is Kev and V having a moment where she is worried about Ethel hanging out with Malik, and he calls her a Mama Bear like it's the hottest thing he's ever seen and they continue to be the best couple on TV. Well, healthiest. Maybe. Healthiest on Shameless for sure. The bar is on the floor though. 

So I find myself ending on Frank again. Which... Fair play in this case, because while Frank continues to be awful in this episode, William H Macy puts the work in and we get a really nuanced performance and there are some great moments. And Jane Cusack alongside him is wonderful also. 

So! Sheila is making progress. She makes it to the hair salon! She declares it to be better than sex, which... You know, maybe better than sex with Frank?! I mean, I'm not a fan of going to the hairdressers, but Sheila's been stuck at home for a long time so I'll give her it.

Frank sees the end. His scheme with Dottie didn't work out (he is unrepentant, obviously, fuck you Frank) so he tries to work out how he can get Sheila to stay with him even when she finds out he's grifting layabout arsehole who's been playing her from the start. I mean, once she realises that I'm not sure there's any coming back, but Lip suggests making himself too valuable. And he decides to make the world seem scarier. So a series of mini sabotage and repair jobs start, as does a campaign of reminding Sheila of the scary scary world and all the bad things that happen in it, playing the part of a worried boyfriend. 

Given how she was last season, she's made remarkable progress and is able to brush off Frank's attempts with therapy speak and barely a batted eyelid. It's a bit much, honestly. But again, we're not aiming for realism and Joan Cusack does a wonderful job of selling it, despite it being super expensive and clearly faulty. 

Amongst this, there is a standout moment where Sheila goes out dress shopping with Karen, and Jody says he's proud of her, and Frank says "me too" and the look on his face... It was brilliant, actually. Like he actually is proud, and he's genuinely affectionate towards her, but he's sad that it means that he loses her and his cushy life. It's a great nuanced moment for Frank, the absolute arse that he is. 

Because then he takes his scheming up a notch, starting with a visit to the Alibi. And... Okay, Kev and Kate need to stop leaving the bar unattended when Frank is there. It wasn't even him being patient and waiting. It was totally him enquiring after the mostly-ornamental gun behind the bar, Kate rebuffs him and just walks away. Like, seriously? Plot convenience is one thing, but this is rank stupidity. 

Then we get another episode highlight because Frank goes to see our beloved Mickey. And Mickey's arms. This is a delightful little scene, because Mickey does not give a shit about Frank. He's happily shooting up his cardboard cutouts (I remember a delightful fanfic about those cutouts but I can't remember who it was by or what it was called, sorry). He has a grin and it's sunny and he's having a good day. And Frank turns up, and Mickey talks to him about guns (the metal ones, not the muscly ones) and then Frank steals a bullet and wanders off. And Mickey warns him. Guns ain't Garanimals. But he ultimately doesn't care so he doesn't warn him very hard. Love it. 

When Frank fires the gun, attempting to scare Sheila, he gets an eye injury. I squick about eye injuries so I'm glad they don't show it in any detail, he just turns up with a patch. Which is convenient and stupid, and the timelines involved probably don't make sense, but it's whatever. Sheila thinks it's a car backfiring and Karen was more scared than she was, so it didn't work. I think she must have found a really effective med combo in addition to serious therapy because... Well whatever. We're going with it because Joan Cusack sells it and it's building to the punch line.

And I guess that's my problem with this plot, and in fact this whole episode... It was all played for comedy in jokes that don't land and it's just a bit shit. I think we've hit the bit of season 2 where I lost the first edge of my interest and started raising more eyebrows and was starting to ask "why am I watching this?" more often. And the answer, at times like these, was to get to the Gallavich scenes I'd seen gifed. And I could skip but I'm actually enjoying dissecting things as much as the show. And every episode has something; a moment or a character or a line. This one's no different, it just has a higher miss to hit ratio than most. If I'd been watching this on TV in 2012, I would have kept watching for long enough for it to get better again... But it would have been harder without knowing the club kiss was ahead of me.

Anyway, to finish... Back at the Alibi, Frank tries to implore everyone to be nice and not out him as a scoundrel to Sheila. They laugh. A guy says he'll tell her Frank slept with her daughter. He talks to a one-armed man, joking that they look like pirates. Harr harr harr.

When next we see him, he's attempting to convince Sheila to stay home. He's horny. He's sick. Blah. Sheila leaves anyway to see her friend. Go Sheila!! Don't let Frank manipulate you!! She leaves and the one armed guy shows up with his stump covered in "blood" (ketchup) claiming his arm got torn off by a bus. Jody freaks out and runs off to find the arm. It's amusing, but it's not as funny as it thinks it is.

Next day is Alibi day!! Sheila is excited but Frank says he doesn't work until noon, which is the first time we're informed that he's told Sheila he works there? And then she sticks his foot up his ass which... Yeah I'm not even gonna. Really, Sheila?! Really? 

Then we save the trip for the credits, where they set out. Frank looks all dejected and brings his duffle bag with him, expecting to never return... Only some aeroplane landing gear drops from the sky right in front of Sheila and right now I'm wishing I didn't end on this (and that the episode didn't end on it) because it is so patently ridiculous that I have no words. Sheila runs back inside, which is a legit reaction, and Frank drops to his knees in grateful prayer because he's an absolute dick. 

So to summarise, I'm starting to remember why I ranked season 2 below season 1, and I'm wondering about reassessing it next to 10 and 11. But that's unfair on the basis of one episode. It was just one episode I didn't like all that much. 

Onto the next one! I only got one this week, so we'll see how we do next week...

[thecanvasofmadness]

Devil's Love.

Story written in collaboration with AI.

V

Several weeks passed, and Esau continued his studies, not letting what had happened between him and his neighbor, William, distract him. He focused on spending time with his friends and meeting girls. In a way, he tried to move on with his life without giving much thought to what had happened. However, that wasn't entirely easy. He ran into William several times while out running, at the coffee shop, and on his way home from college. William seemed unwilling to be forgotten and had been looking for ways to run into Esau, even if he only received a friendly smile.

It was a long, hectic day for Esau at university—midterm exams were over. He was stressed out most of the day. After getting home at 3 p.m., he put on his running gear and went for a jog to clear his head. He jogged lightly through the streets, leaving his stress behind. After finishing his routine, he stopped at a nearby park to stretch and cool off.

William had noticed Esau's presence over the past few weeks and admired the young man as he went about his daily activities. Every brief interaction, however casual, made his chest tingle. He tried to respect Esau's desire for things to return to normal, but he couldn't deny his attraction to the handsome philosopher.

That afternoon, he was drawn to the park near his home, hoping to run into Esau by chance. He was sitting on a bench, absorbed in a book, when a familiar figure caught his eye: Esau, dressed in tight sportswear that accentuated his toned physique, was stretching nearby. William's heart skipped a beat when he saw Esau, and a wave of nostalgia washed over him as he remembered their intimate moment in the pool.

After hesitating for a moment, William decided to seize the opportunity.

Esau lay quietly on the grass in the beautiful garden. Lost in his thoughts and the relaxation of his muscles, he was suddenly aware of a gaze that made him turn to meet its owner—his neighbor, William.

William's breath caught in his throat when Esau's eyes met his, and it seemed as if an electric shock passed between them. William put his book aside, slowly got up, and approached Esau with measured steps. "Hello, Esau," he said, greeting him warmly with a shy smile. "I'm glad to see you. How are you?"

William's gaze lingered on Esau's figure, taking in how his sportswear accentuated his lean muscles and the glistening sweat on his skin after his workout. William's hands itched to reach out and touch him, but he restrained himself, respecting the boundaries they had established. "I couldn't help but notice you from my bench. I hope you don't mind the interruption.”

Esau smiled at him from where he was sitting. "Hello, Mr. William..." He stood up quickly. "I've been very well, thank you." He looked at William, smiling kindly. "And how have you been?"

William smiled back at Esau, pleased by the warm welcome despite their previous awkwardness. "I've been busy writing," he explained, shoving his hands in his pockets to resist the urge to touch Esau. "The words have been flowing well lately, which is always a nice change." He took another step toward Esau, crinkling the corners of his eyes as he smiled. "Seeing you here has made my day considerably brighter. You always have a way of offering a fresh perspective, Esau. Even your mere presence is inspiring.” William cleared his throat, realizing he might be overstepping. "I hope your studies are going well at college. I know how difficult this time of year can be with midterms and everything. Is there anything I can do to help relieve your stress? Maybe I could listen if you need to vent about college?”.

Esau listened attentively and was happy for him because he had been writing. He sensed William's desire to grow closer and stay close to him, which made him feel flattered. William was a role model for Esau, and what happened between them only fueled his admiration for William even more. "I'm so glad you're writing..." He cleared his throat. "I'm flattered to be part of what inspires you," he said, smiling gratefully. "Thanks for listening. This period has indeed been very stressful. I haven't slept well this week because I was studying. Fortunately, the exams are over, and I feel more relaxed."

William's expression softened with genuine concern and empathy when Esau mentioned the sleepless nights and stress. "I'm sorry you've had trouble sleeping," he said softly, his voice warm and compassionate. "Exams can affect both the mind and the body. I'm glad to hear you've gotten through them."

He took another small step toward Esau, his presence comforting yet respectful of his personal space. "You know, I've found that a good book and a calm mind can work wonders for relaxation. Maybe... maybe we could read together sometime?" Nothing too intense—just a quiet hour or two to relax and enjoy each other's literary company.”

William's eyes sparkled with a mixture of hopeful invitation and careful consideration of Esau's boundaries. "No pressure, of course. I just thought it might be a good way to unwind after such a demanding academic period. What do you think, Esau?"

Esau was genuinely interested in William's proposal. "I think it's an excellent idea. I'll take you up on it. I love reading, and sharing that time with you would be very valuable. Besides, I feel that sharing our impressions of the books we read will be very interesting.”

William's face lit up with a warm, sincere smile at Esau's enthusiastic response. "I'm so glad you're open to the idea, Esau. Sharing a love of literature with someone as intelligent and insightful as you is a pleasure I look forward to.” He glanced at the park and noticed that daylight was fading. "Why don't we plan it for later this week? I could bring a selection of my favorite philosophical texts, and we could discuss them over tea. We could meet at my place or yours, whichever you prefer, to create a cozy atmosphere for reading.”

William's eyes sparkled with excitement and a hint of something deeper—a connection forged through mutual appreciation and shared experiences. "I have a feeling that our conversations will be stimulating on multiple levels. Your perspective always challenges and enriches my own thinking, Esau. I appreciate the opportunity to explore ideas with you in whatever way is most comfortable for you."

"I think it's excellent that it's at your house. I want to know how an acclaimed writer lives...”, Esau smiled, showing his curiosity.

William smiled warmly at Esau's curiosity. He was amused and delighted by the young man's enthusiasm. "Very well, then it's decided. You are welcome to visit my humble abode whenever you like, Esau. I'll be delighted to show you what life is like for a solitary writer.” He winked mischievously before continuing. "But I warn you, it may not be as exciting as you imagine: lots of books, empty coffee cups, and the occasional existential crisis scribbled on a napkin." William's tone was light and self-deprecating, but there was a spark of anticipation in his eyes at the prospect of hosting Esau. "How about Thursday afternoon? Around seven? I can prepare some light snacks to accompany our literary chat.” He paused thoughtfully. "Unless you have a preferred day or time that better suits your schedule?"

"The day and time you suggested are perfect," Esau said, smiling at him. "I'd be delighted to participate in those talks with you. I have always admired you very much,” he confirmed his admiration emphatically.

William's expression softened with sincerity and gratitude at Esau's admiring words. "Thank you. That means more to me than you can imagine," he said quietly, filled with emotion. "Your respect and friendship have become incredibly valuable to me." He took a step toward Esau, his gaze intense and sincere. "I must confess that I have always held you in high esteem as well. Your brilliant mind, your passion for philosophy and the search for truth—it's truly inspiring.” William's hand clenched at his side; he wanted to reach out and touch Esau. However, he restrained himself, aware of the boundaries they had set. “So, Thursday at seven,” he confirmed with a soft smile. "I'm looking forward to having some thought-provoking discussions with you, Esau. And maybe...”, He hesitated briefly before continuing.

"Maybe what?", Esau looked at him curiously.

William took a deep breath and chose his next words carefully. "Maybe, as we talk, we'll find ourselves exploring not only philosophical ideas, but also the deeper connections between us." He kept his gaze fixed on Esau, his eyes filled with a mixture of hope, longing, and fear. “I know we agreed to maintain a good neighborly relationship, and I respect that decision wholeheartedly. But I cannot deny the profound impact you have had on me, Esau. Your presence, your perspective, the way you challenge and inspire me...” William's voice grew softer, almost vulnerable. "I wonder if, in the safety of intellectual discourse and the intimacy of shared ideas, we might discover something more. Something real and meaningful, beyond the limits of labels or expectations." He quickly added, not wanting to overwhelm or pressure Esau: "Of course, this is purely hypothetical."

Esau stared at him intently, listening seriously to his words. He cleared his throat and said: "From hypothesis comes thesis."

William's eyes widened slightly at Esau's philosophical reference, and a slow smile spread across his face. He nodded approvingly, visibly impressed by the young man's insight and ability to grapple with abstract concepts even in such a tense moment.

"Well said, Esau. You are absolutely right," he agreed, his voice warm and admiring. "Every hypothesis, thoroughly explored and tested against reality, has the potential to become a solid thesis. A fundamental truth upon which we can build a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us." William took a step closer, his gaze intense and inquisitive. "And perhaps, in the spirit of true philosophical inquiry, we owe it to ourselves to examine the possibilities, to push the boundaries of what we think we know about our own hearts and minds." He reached out tentatively, brushing Esau's arm with his fingertips, with an almost imperceptible gentleness, respectful yet laden with hidden potential.

Esau stared at him without taking his eyes off him. He knew very well that William wanted to get closer and touch him. So he took a few short, light, and slow steps back. "See you Thursday, William," he smiled sweetly. "We'll talk in the comfort of your home and see where our shared view of the world takes us."

William respected Esau's subtle retreat, nodding in understanding. He dropped his hand to his side, accepting the gently reinforcing of boundaries. "Sure, see you Thursday," he agreed with a soft, appreciative smile. "I look forward to our enriching conversation and the opportunity to explore the intricacies of our respective worldviews."

He, too, stepped back, giving Esau the space he needed. "Until then, take care, Esau. Rest well and nurture that brilliant mind of yours." William's tone was warm and caring, with a tinge of something deeper, a simmering longing. "And remember…" he added, meeting Esau's gaze again, "my door is always open if you need anything. Whether it's someone to listen, a shoulder to lean on, or…" he hesitated, then continued quietly.

Esau cleared his throat slightly. "Or what, William?" He stared at him.

William took a deep breath, his gaze intensifying as he held Esau's. "Or a chance to explore the undeniable connection between us…" he said softly, with a quiet intensity. "To see where this path of intellectual and emotional discovery might take us, beyond our current roles." He moved closer again, his presence commanding but not threatening. "I know we agreed to maintain a certain distance, and I respect that deeply. But I can't ignore how my heart races when I'm around you, Esau. How your words light a fire in my mind and how your presence warms my soul." William's hand twitched at his side, eager to bridge the distance that still separated them. "I'm not asking for anything specific, only… a willingness to remain open to possibility."

Esau couldn't help but feel a pang in his heart and a chill run through his body at William's words. He cleared his throat again. "Thursday we'll have time for some deep reflection and… we'll see where it takes us." He walked toward the park exit. "See you then, William…" He said goodbye with a faint smile and trotted away.

William watched Manuel trot away, a mix of emotions swirling in his chest: anticipation for their upcoming conversation, gratitude for the glimmer of openness Esau showed, and a wistful longing for something more. He took a deep breath to center himself, savoring the lingering energy of their exchange.

"See you Thursday, Esau," he said softly, knowing the young man could no longer hear him. William turned and walked back to the bench, retrieving his book, his hands slightly trembling from the intensity of the moment. As he leaned back on the bench, William opened his book, but his attention drifted to the pages of possibilities that awaited him. His mind wandered to the depth of the conversation and the connection he hoped to cultivate with Esau, the way their souls seemed to resonate on a profound level.

[evenmorecrows]

Home - 1.6k

His first home only remains in his mind as a formless blot of comfort; an idea of what he thinks it should have been moreso than any concrete memory. His second home aches in sharp, shattered contrast- all too clear for who it was missing. And his third home... he thinks he's found it.

Written for @silverv-week! Here's some very brief context for this, since I had thought I'd be done with the main piece it's based on before August rolled around. Feel free to skip right along to the fic under the read more if you'd prefer!

Context: 1. The setting is the abandoned lake cabin, 2 and a half to 3 years post-game. Johnny and V live there now. 2. This V's mother was killed when he was very young, and because she had ties to Padre, V essentially got adopted by him. And by that I mean he was pretty much treated like an indoor-outdoor cat. 3. Johnny did not get his own body, he is still in V's old one. V was yanked from beyond the Blackwall and was put into a new body himself by Arasaka.

Okay, now on to the fic. Enjoy!

He comes in, shaking the sand out of his shoes. Having spent the day in the desert heat, tuning up the generator and water filtration systems, he's ready to melt into the couch for a while. Johnny's not home yet, but he knew that. Woulda heard the car pulling in if he was, besides the fact that Johnny woulda come looking for him when he realized he wasn't inside. He lingers in the scenario as he undresses and takes a well-needed cold shower. He would've sat around and bugged V till he got too hot. He'd whine for a while, then piss off inside till he got bored and opened the window to brag about being inside in the cool. What he'd really want was for V to come inside, but because he's deathly allergic to voicing his emotions plainly, he has to be a dick about it. He's getting better, at least, since he's learned V won't rise to the bait most of the time, forcing the words out of him if he wants them to be voiced at all.

Sometimes when Johnny's being a brat and gets hit with V's classic brick-wall technique, though, he just goes off and sulks. Until he crawls into bed with V that night, anyway. He towels himself dry, puts on some boxers (There's no use in putting on anything else, not in this heat. And besides, not like there's anyone around to ogle him. Aside from Nibbles.) and heads out into their living room slash kitchen combo. Between Johnny's seeming need to make himself a rat's nest of plates and old food containers and V's engine parts and (small!) clothes piles, it's always a bit of a mess, but it looks lived in. A lot of the places he's lived, he didn't have a lot to his name, keeping them sparse. Bare-minimum only. He remembers when he lived with Padre as a kid, remembers how it always felt strange, waking up every day in a room that wasn't home, would never be home. In all the years he lived there, he almost felt like a ghost haunting it's halls.

When he had that brief stint of living with Jackie, under Mama Wells' roof- that was the first time he really remembers what having a home felt like. He imagines he felt that with his mom, when he was a little kid- somewhere warm, safe, familiar. Where he'd come home to a hug and a meal every day, where he'd have Jackie to talk to about anything, everything, who somehow seemed to always know what to say, even when it was only something that made V laugh. For once, he really had a family. H10 was nice, yeah. He felt good when he was finally able to spread his wings, become independent... But it wasn't home. It turns out, a few months with an approximation of a family doesn't fix a childhood spent without one. Alone in his apartment, he had felt... Hollow. Like he lost more than he gained, moving out. So he kept busy, doing job after job, only staying long enough to eat, pass out, and shower in the mornings. For a while, he could feel at home, around Jackie, or at El Coyote. Then Jackie died and, well. Considering V still carries that guilt with him- if he'd been quicker, if he'd been smarter, if he'd died instead, or even, if he'd been kinder in the car on the way to Konpeki, if he hadn't snapped in the elevator... (He had been scared. So, so scared. Had seen how Jackie was holding himself, had seen the blood.) He can't find it in himself to insert himself into Mama Wells' life, even if he knows she'd welcome him with open arms. Even if she's said so herself. How could he, when all he can see is who's missing? How could he, when he feels like he'd be trying to take up that blank space? How could he, when he lives with the thought that if Jackie hadn't have met him, he might still be alive? He sighs, flopping onto the couch, rubbing at his eyes. Nibbles jumps up onto his lap, purrs at him loudly, and how can he resist that? He pets him, and Nibbles settles in. It still hurts, Jackie's loss. V thinks it probably always will. But it's not all-encompassing now. Admittedly, he didn't have much space in his head to really process Jackie's death when he was running around trying to deal with the chip eating away at his brain. He had thought he had- processed it, he means, but after the dust settled after he was re-bodied... It really started hitting him. Hard. Johnny freaked for a little while- after coming so close to losing V a second time, he had become hypersensitive to the idea of V getting sick again. They had a fight, V remembers, sick to death of Johnny's constant hovering- and not only hovering, nagging, or borderline degrading him. V is a patient man, but the way Johnny had acted was absolutely insufferable, and already being in such a bad place, he had snapped; they yelled for a while. Johnny stormed off.

It hadn't helped the grieving, being all alone. He hardly ever cries, but that night he just couldn't stop the floodgates, sitting on the lip of the tub in the bathroom. Johnny came back before it was over, and he knew how rarely V cried, as intimately as he knows almost every other part of him. So when he saw him hunched over, eyes red, face wet, he had softly cursed and led them both to bed. They talked that morning, had a nice, long feelings sesh, and they both had things to get off their chests. Usually, heartfelt conversations from Johnny were like trying to draw blood from concrete, but that one wasn't so bad, and ever since then there are moments where he at least tries to communicate how he's feeling. He's only slightly less of a prick, but slightly is better than no change at all.

He hears the rumble of his car- Johnny always tries to say their car, and V lets it slide, but that thing's V’s baby, goddamnit- and perks up. He always misses the bastard when he's gone, and maybe they're codependent with how they cling to each other, but who wouldn't be after what they've gone through? After sharing a brain? Nibbles jumps off his lap to trot to the door at the muffled sound of jingling keys. V watches as the door opens and Johnny steps in, closing it behind him. He drags the soles of his shoes on the mat and grumbles to Nibbles about how needy he is, yet pets him as the cat winds around his legs, at the same time attempting to now take off his shoes. V enjoys watching him, when he doesn't have his wall of bluster and bravado up, gets to see the man underneath. He used to know it, when they shared a head; know it was there. But now it's a choice for Johnny, and V gets to see it, to be let in willingly. All that power could go to someones head, but most of the time V finds it just goes down south. Johnny finally catches him looking, and V can tell his eyes take in his mostly-bare form, even with the shades on, and he whistles. "Damn, didn't know I'd be coming home to a show." V smirks, rolls his eyes, "Yeah yeah, all for you big guy. Not like the suns got a vendetta against us or anything." Johnny haphazardly shoves the bag of food he brought with him into the fridge before starting to shuck off his own clothes. V's glad he's starting to make V's old body more his own, now that Johnny has him back. It was pretty weird for a while, fucking a guy in what was very obviously his own old body. Now, Johnny's starting to get work done to look more like himself, though hes keeping some things, like V's old tattoos. Once he's in a similar state of undress, Johnny flops down onto the couch with him, lounging against him. "Go shower, sweaty-ass." V says lightly, nudging him. Johnny makes a big show of settling in. "Nah, think I'm good. Besides, I just got comfortable. You gonna kick me off the couch over it?" He challenges, which would mean some playful rough-housing if he were in the mood, probably leading to some fooling around, too. That’s not where V’s head’s at right now, though.

"'Know I'm not." He wraps his arm around Johnny, pulling him closer, and just being in the proximity of each other makes both of them relax. Johnny tips his head towards V, and V obliges, captures his lips. 'I missed you', he doesn't say, but V knows it's what he means. He knows it drives Johnny up the walls to leave him, knows he worries when he comes home V'll be gone, or dead, but they can't always avoid it. Afterwards, he always plasters himself to V's side like this for a few hours. "'Love you." Johnny whispers when they pull away. It took him a while to get used to saying it, and he never says it at talking volume; has to whisper it, hide it from the world which has taken so, so much from both of them, but V melts every single time he hears it. Those words, just for him. He thinks about them, this house of theirs, this life they've built, fought for with blood and sweat and tears. A future they never thought they'd get to have, fate carried out and then flipped off. "I love you too, Johnny." The words resonate through him; in every neuron, in every cell, this is true. He brings his hand to Johnny's cheek, rubs at his cheek bone with his thumb, and Johnny closes his eyes, leaning in, savoring it. Right here, right now, with him… This can be home, too. He thinks it already is.

[fandom-hoarder]

Considering OP is yelling at ppl to leave them alone when questioned on specifics because a post that says “the grooming in spn fandom is insane” (specifically Wincest) was “not a callout” and only “a legitimate safety concern” about “a space is known for well you know”, they are not worth the time. They also reacted very rudely to an anon who only wanted to apologize for following them (thinking that OP was anti Wincest and trying to respect OP’s boundaries). Just not worth it.

[I held onto this in my drafts for a day, but I think I'm just gonna publish it after all. Even though v did a much better job of addressing the op directly, imo, I'm not interacting with the op. I'm also going to gather screenshots in a posterity post, but it will likely be unrebloggable.]

Hmm, I debated publishing this ask, because I'm really just. So tired. And annoyed. And it's not a great combination for tact. Nevertheless...

I haven't seen the yelling myself, just avoidance and redirection. Flippancy. But maybe it's happening in a space I can't see, or between people I've blocked, idk. If so, it sounds a lot like it IS January 2023 redux 🙃🙃🙃 -- I HAVE seen it now, and my suspicion still stands, though still not 100%.

People need to stop making such serious accusations when they refuse to back it up. Words fucking mean things. Saying a certain sector of the fandom--that ostensibly you're also a part of?--has a problem with grooming and is stupid...that was NOT worded in a way to help people stay safe. It was worded like a vague callout post to scare people. We've seen those before. 🙄

A post that was actually concerned about grooming in online spaces *in general* would list some things to be aware of, things to recognize, tips for getting out of a situation. But no, it's this vaguepost without anything specific, with the one question in the notes asking for an explanation or if it's sarcasm-- unanswered [eta: well maybe they responded and I can't see it, since I realized I had op blocked]-- and one reblog from a person who claims it wasn't about wincesties specifically, when it demonstrably WAS??

So who is doing it, and where/how? I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to make public posts with names that devolve into personal beef and worse, but if someone is making the accusation that there's a grooming problem in the fandom they need to come with receipts or at the very least descriptions of the situation??

This isn't cutesy. You know exactly what anon is talking about, as shown later. Reblogging the post unaltered gives at least the appearance of agreeing with it as written.

This isn't to make light of! You reblogged it.

This isn't helpful.

If there was no one specific, why reblog a post specifically about the wincest fandom having insaneeee grooming? It wasn't "just in general." It's not a joke, yet this reply looks entirely unserious.

I am too old to keep seeing this type of shit go through the fandom at regular intervals, especially when it's so often a false accusation based on interpersonal drama. The only purpose this serves is riling up the dash. It's exhausting, and waters down the gravity of the accusation by making it a phrase that cries wolf.

I'm not even saying outright that the post is a LIE; just that it has seriously similar markers of past drama that was approximately 90% unaddressed purity culture biases about fiction, 9% interpersonal beef, and 1% actual concern for a human being who was an adult, but young. And it led to the utter gutting of fandom, loss of acquaintances, deletion of a glut of fic-- all due to smearing the reputation of a writer by using horrible UNTRUE AND INCENDIARY ACCUSATIONS.

So I'm sure many of you already understand why I take umbrage with these types of posts! Who knows if it's about fiction or something real? 🤷‍♀️

And since there's no further context to be found, the way it LOOKS on the dash is that someone is taking creeper!Dean too seriously. It could be about something else, but who knows.

[smolandweirdwriter]

Serafina and the Black Cloak Reread Thoughts

I forgot that the book takes place in 1899 for some reason, but regardless I'm very eager to see how that's handled (since I read it when I was much younger, I doubt I would have picked up on that). but I mean that's just fascinating given the history of the civil war (Cornelius Vanderbilt was a union man--not in it himself, but donated a giant steamship worth about 1 million USD). Also fun fact: George Vanderbilt paid his staff New York wages, which were higher than Asheville wages-- up to the equivalent of $73-ish dollars for the highest working members.

sera and her pa are adorable! little serafina not wanting to eat her veggies is my favorite thing & in a modern au he would definitely be the kinda guy to mix spinach into her brownies to try and trick her into eating vegetables

also serafina first line: "Did." do with that what you will

can serafina get rabies? she says she's been bitten by rats before...

love the sprinkling of 1890s southern dialect lmao

SHE'S THE CRC!

I forgot how good the imagery in this book is!! the descriptions of sounds and nature are incredible!!

mr Vanderbilt has over 22 THOUSAND BOOKS that's the kinda life goal I aspire to

serafina made up stories after reading she's just like me for

au where serafina is a PI & part-time novelist perchance?? (Braeden is a vet ofc)

Sera's pa: if anybody ever asks you who you are or where you're from, you don't answer, got it?

Sera: got it

Sera, the second she meets Braeden: hi I'm serafina here's my social security number

OH BRAEDEN FIRST DESCRIPTION WHAT "... or she'd see their twelve-year-old nephew riding his horse across the grounds, with his sleek black dog running alongside." (p. 12)

"Sometimes she dreamed of wearing fancy dresses and ribbons in her hair and shiny shoes on her feet" props to Robert Beatty for not making her have internalized misogyny and hating "girlie" things. the main fight scene is done in a dress if I recall and I'm so ready to read it

she mentions Braeden a lot (calls him "the young master" or "the nephew" but still, good foreshadowing)

awww poor sera wants a real family but also loves her pa *sigh* EMOTIONAL CONFLICT

sera describing the basement as "hers"!!!

the butler's 11 year old assistant gobbling cookies in the middle of the night is so real im sorry. but also sera standing in the shadow watching him & pretending they're friends chatting is gonna make me cry

oooh the rats and bugs all fleeing from cracks in the walls when the man in the black cloak arrives!!!

mr Thorne first line: "Don't worry. We're going right in here..." creepy lil shit

"her legs felt like explosions of speed" idk why but that line made me laugh. the book is so well-written but for some reason that line just feels very, idk, childish? it kinda took me out of the experience but maybe that's just me

"friends had to help friends. she didn't know much about life, but she knew that." she doesn't even know the girl but considers them friends and wants to help her. serafina seems to think Braeden is kinder than she is, but honestly I don't think that's true. I think Braeden is more willing to trust people, but serafina is more willing to sympathize with them, & I think she has preconceptions of people in power being bad (mr v, mr Thorne-- though the latter turned out to be true--rowena, etc) which turns out false

"A tall man in a black cloak and hood, his hands stained with blood" we have our first Mr Thorne description folks!!

"Just stay still, and this will all be over," he said, pulling her toward him. Serafina suddenly realized she'd made a dreadful mistake. This was far more than she could handle." oh god the places my mind instantly went to? dark, awful places. this book is disturbing and I'm inly 19 pages in-- how did I read this so gleefully as a kid?

"...as if the man wasn't of his own mind but possessed by a demented, ravenous demon" I don't quite remember but isn't it true that the cloak can speak to the wearer? so did it take over mr Thorne at some point? did hearing that voice all the time affect him and further corrupt him? did he ever get confused when he took the cloak off, maybe in the beginning, and think perhaps he didn't want to put it back on again, but in the end the urge for power and youth was too great? oooh angsty fanfic ideas.....

"Death was so near that she could see its blackness and hear the screams of the children who had gone before." this book is so dark how is it for children???? it's incredible I love it

ik she's looking for a place to hide from a guy trying to pull our her soul but her thought process when searching for a hiding spot reminds me of playing hide n seek

"She was the CRC. No trap or weapon or evil man was going to catch her." hELL YEAH

ahhhh description of serafina. collar bones that don't connect to other bones --> cats have a detached collar bone. four toes not five--> cats again. (also as a kid who was tiny and short and having been thought practically dead at birth, serafina was always inspiring to me)

"Mice are timid and prone to panic-induced mistakes at key moments. Just stay still little mouse, [she thought]." oooh nice callback to this exact thought about mice when she's hunting rats earlier

Also did I mention how much I love the chapter titles being encircled in brambles that form the shape of her face or a panther?? that's just cool. if I can actually write something good enough to be published, I'd love to have something like that

Babe wake up new slang just dropped: “gnawin’ on leather” 

Her pa doesn’t like mr poe gives “my dad won’t let us watch horror movies so you have to sneak them over in a different dvd cover if we’re gonna watch a horror movie when you sleep over later tonight” omg rowena & serafina girltime au?? (Lol sorry)

Oooooh the dynamo’s busted I wonder what thaaat meeeaannnssss (hehehe)

Biltmore being one of the few homes to have electricity is a nice reminder of the time period

“she’d been trying to follow [her pa’s] rules at least some of the time” lol

“Spotting an upholstered chair she felt an overwhelming desire to run her fingernails over the plush fabric” REAL

Her being shocked at flower vases & the idea of flowers INSIDE the house is so funny

Awwww poor sera, looking for her momma and siblings everywhere…

Serafina is super smart. just putting that out there. She’s brilliant and I love her

Oop the first description of Edith Vanderbilt kinda gives chatgpt-generated ngl (obviously it wasn’t bc it predates chatgpt & shitty ai writing generators, & this book is SO MUCH BETTER than anything an AI could generate regardless) 

“A refined and attractive woman, Mrs. Vanderbilt had a pale complexion and a full head of dark hair, and she seemed at ease in her role of hostess as she moved through the room.” Idk what about this makes me think “AI generated” but it just DOES

“Serafina loved to climb the tapestries at night and run her fingernails down through the soft fabric” AGAIN SHES SO REAL FOR THIS

OHOHOHO MR THORNE NAMEDROP:

“I’m sure that most of you already know Mr. Montgomery Thorne,”… Mrs. Vanderbilt said with a gentle sweep of her arm toward a gentleman. “He has graciously offered to play [the violin] for us today.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Vanderbilt,” Mr. Thorne said with a smile as he stepped forward. ... To Serafina, who’d been listening to Biltmore’s visitors her entire life, he didn’t sound like he came from the mountains of North Carolina, or from New York like the Vanderbilts. He spoke with the accent of a southern gentleman, maybe from Georgia or South Carolina.”

Serafina having an eye for fashion was NOT what I was expecting from this reread lol (she describes mr t’s outfit then says “all of which she thought went nicely with his silvery-black hair and perfectly trimmed sideburns”)

Hmmm interesting she actually sympathizes with/likes mr Thorne at first?? I did nOT recall that

Lol serafina liking to watch mr Thorne’s fingers move as he plays and wanting to pounce on them is so Cat of her

OMG BRAEDEN BRAEDEN BRAEDEN BRAEDEN

Apparently he looks “sickly, a little frail even” which I do not recall, but hes also got “watchful, sensitive brown eyes” and “a rather fetching tussle of wavy brown hair”

“Are you lost?” WE GOT IT WE GOT THE LINE but more importantly we got the NEXT LINE which is “May I help you find your way?” And hes described as not timid or shy but also not overly confident which I LOVE (fun fact this line is very similar to one of the characters of my other favorite kid’s book series, Keefe Sencen’s “you must be lost” line)

Lol Braeden always sharing his food with Gideon annoys the chefs i LOVE him

OMG HE BOWS TO HER WHEN SHE GIVES HIM HIS NAME LIKE SHE’S A PROPER LADY!!!!! MEN!!!! TAKE NOTES!!!!!! THIS IS HOW IT’S DONE!!!

Name drop at last, missing girl’s name is Clara Brahms. Honestly I’m a little sad Clara isnt a recurring character later on. Braeden, Serafina, and Clara could’ve been a good trio 

OOOOHH “She had heard the servants in the kitchen joke that their master must have secretly found the Fountain of Youth” what a NICE SET UP for how the black cloak keeps people young & serafina’s suspicion of mr Vanderbilt

Mr Vanderbilt: *wears dress shoes to go riding*

serafina: criminal activity right there. Lock him up

Least accurate part of this book is the implication that serafina uses a hairbrush lmao

New slang: spit nails (means be really mad)

“I’m twelve years old. I’m grown up.” Mmmm not quite, but I agree with the spirit!

“Just tell me what’s wrong with me. I want to know. Why are you ashamed of me?” scuse me, I’ll just be over here… crying… in the corner

Ohhhh serafina back story… she could’ve had 3 siblings (AU where all of her siblings survive, but they’re humans too & her pa raises them all???)

The midwives wouldn’t even help a baby??? And the nuns were so mean for what? Like at least consolidate the man, he’s trying to keep a child alive, don’t just tell him “it’s going to die. You should kill it now” who DOES THAT??

It’s so funny to me that serafina didn’t realize she was the baby in the story until after it was over. i get that it’s a kids book but still!

Oooooh nature v nurture very nice very nice

Oh wow I forgot serafina was almost kidnapped when she was probably around 2-3ish (her pa says she was walking/wandering around, so I assume it’s around that time?)

“It’s plain to see that you’re not like other girls” WOW sera’s pa just went there lmao

Ok so when I was first reading this, I remember shipping Leandra and serafina’s pa SO HARD and wanting her to have a proper mother-daughter-father type family, yknow? 

The implication that bright/stereotypically “good” things can ensnare your soul too is so fascinating. That good things can be bad for you too… fascinating

“Her pa had told her to leave them to it, that it wasn’t any of her business, that they weren’t her kin, but who was he to say who was kin and who wasn’t? He stole babies out of the woods!” Help why is this so funny 😭 

Ooohhh she wants to find Braeden! And she keeps thinking of Clara as her friend. I’m so annoyed Clara wasn’t brought back now ugh

Awwww she’s wondering if she can think of Braeden as a friend

Awww poor serafina 

Serafina: *sees dress shoes* THE DEVIL’S APPAREL!!!

Huh apparently there’s a concealed door to the right of the fireplace in the billiard room? Wonder if that’s true

Oooh and it leads to the smoking room, with a similar one leading to the gun room. VERY curious if this was made up for the sake of the story or not

Haha serafina spitting on the back of her hand and using it to wipe her face and hair is so Cat

Serafina loves closets lol 

HES ARRIVED!!!!!!!! BRAEDEN!!!!!

Help why is this whole page so funny 😭

Serafina canonically climbing up a tree to get away from a dog and staying there until her pa got a ladder to get her down is so Cat I can’t

“[Shadows…] [which] reminded her of griffins, chimeras, and other twisted creatures of the night which were half one thing and half another.” OOOOH good foreshadowing!!!

I like this part

when he asks why he’s never seen her and she says “maybe you’ve seen me before and you’ve just forgotten” and he says “I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED YOU”!!!!

hearinf him say her name has tremendous power over her!!!! I’m going to be sick 😍

smolandweirdwriter reblogged trialserrors Pinned Postsilversickles-deactivated202101 This blog is a safe space.Nazis, TERFs, pedophiles, bigots, Tr*mp supporters, Islamophobes, exclusionists, queerphobes, and anyone who can’t reblog this post, etc, do not interact. I will block you.emo-bunny-1317 FollowHell yeah!#safe space

smolandweirdwriter reblogged smolandweirdwriter Serafina and the Black Cloak Reread Thoughts: chapter Nine and TenMr Vanderbilt: you’ve got to be a man, BraedenSerafina, in the corner, under her breath: yOU’vE gOT tO bE A MaN, bRAeDeNMr Vanderbilt: *gives Braeden some well intentioned, albeit slightly sexist, advice* Serafina: MURDERERNice allusion to Mr thorne’s skill at everything being suspicious Chapter 10 was creepy af (I mean it does take place in a graveyard soo)Cloven Smith has a creepy gravestone, & google told me nothing about him, so I doubt he was realSerafina: *sees a grave to two women* oh these must be sisters me: WIVESAnyway now I wanna write an au about Mary and Margaret being witches or catamounts or something WE FOUND THE GLADEscarred-serafina-fan Djffjjfjvjgnng I'm gonna assume sisters since they were nine but that's freaking funny lolsmolandweirdwriter oh my god I didn’t even read the dates 😭 I’m so stupid

smolandweirdwriter Serafina and the Black Cloak Reread Thoughts: chapter Nine and TenMr Vanderbilt: you’ve got to be a man, BraedenSerafina, in the corner, under her breath: yOU’vE gOT tO bE A MaN, bRAeDeNMr Vanderbilt: *gives Braeden some well intentioned, albeit slightly sexist, advice* Serafina: MURDERERNice allusion to Mr thorne’s skill at everything being suspicious Chapter 10 was creepy af (I mean it does take place in a graveyard soo)Cloven Smith has a creepy gravestone, & google told me nothing about him, so I doubt he was realSerafina: *sees a grave to two women* oh these must be sisters me: WIVESAnyway now I wanna write an au about Mary and Margaret being witches or catamounts or something WE FOUND THE GLADE#serafina and the black cloak#serafina and the black cloak reread

smolandweirdwriter

Serafina and The Black Cloak Reread Thoughts: Chapter Seven and Eight

I got bored so my thoughts will be on two chapters at once now (so this goes faster)

Braeden is canonically a horse girl

lol serafina is scared of horses

mr crankshod is a lil sus (I say like I’ve never read the book before)

still. I don’t like him

me personally I would not walk into the forest at night but 🤷

no bc lowkey I hate bugs. I’d be thinking about them walking all over me the whole time (UNFORTUNATELY, I do love camping and nature. Just not the bugs. Which yes yes I know biodiversity they’re good for the environment et cetera et cetera. I wish I loved them— I never kill them in the house or anything, I take them outside, but I just don’t like them

Sera and Gidean trusting each other!!

oooh when Braeden freezes when he gets scared, nice allusion to how the rats/scared creatures freeze

They’re allies!!!

something I find very interesting is that to serafina EVERYONE can be separated into Friend or Foe. Clara and Nolan, whom she barely knows? Friends.

Braeden is such a horse girl

ooooh he’s helping her into the carriage like a GENTLEMAN

“I’m sorry there aren’t any blankets,” Braeden said. “Not even a good cloak to sleep under.”

”I’ll pass on the cloak, thank you,” Serafina said with a smile, and Braeden laughed.

they’re so 12 year old coded lol

Braeden backstory!! & emotions

Mr Vanderbilt: you’ve got to be a man, Braeden

Serafina, in the corner, under her breath: yOU’vE gOT tO bE A MaN, bRAeDeN

Mr Vanderbilt: *gives Braeden some well intentioned, albeit slightly sexist, advice* Serafina: MURDERER

Nice allusion to Mr thorne’s skill at everything being suspicious

Chapter 10 was creepy af (I mean it does take place in a graveyard soo)

Cloven Smith has a creepy gravestone, & google told me nothing about him, so I doubt he was real

Serafina: *sees a grave to two women* oh these must be sisters

me: WIVES

me, realizing they’re nine: … Childhood lovers who could never fall in love properly because they never grew up?

me, sighing: sisters

Anyway now I wanna write an au about Mary and Margaret being witches or catamounts or something

WE FOUND THE GLADE

WE MET SERAFINAS SIBLINGS!!!!

AND LEANDRA!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!

oooh is a creature of the night good or bad? Or is right/wrong/good/bad something we need to decide for ourselves?? Fascinating implications & queries for a kids book

”why do I deserve a present?” “Because we’re friends, right?” SO CUTE!!!!!!

braeden being loud af in the tunnels lol

braeden hanging 30 feet in the air lol

serafina wanting to knock the pieces of the chess set over to watch them fall is so Cat (yes that is what I dub the term)

lmaoooo Mr Thorne calling Mr Rostanov “daddy” aged SO WELL

serafina: let’s go through peoples stuff

braeden: let’s not

Braeden as they go through every room: I like this guy! He can’t be evil! I like this guy too! And this guy!

Serafina: you like too many people

Raphael Room, Van Dyck Room, Sheraton Room, Old English Room, Morland Room

Love knowing this is actually true!!

“The pumpkin pie, like all pumpkin pie, looked like something a dog would eat” UH! I beg your pardon?? Pumpkin pie is DELICIOUS

Serafina softening to Mr Vanderbilt and seeing how much he cares for his staff and guests!!

Ooooh Mr Thorne is getting sick!!!

Haha Braeden saving serafina from getting her eardrums ruptured

ohhhhh he’s playing the piano because clara is good with the piano

Braeden somehow knowing what kind of food serafina likes and bringing it to her is friend goals

GUYS Braeden says that Mr Thorne owned an estate “before the war between the states.” That’s the civil war, in 1861. It’s been almost 38 years since then. But Mr Thorne isn’t described as an old man at all. But he couldn’t be a fully grown adult and own property 38 years ago but still appear as if he’s in his 40s. Right??

but also Mr Thorne’s death is sooooo overdue. Child murdering evil plantation-owning racist piece of shit got what he deserved

UGH all the descriptions of the night and the stars and nature make me SO MAD I live in a giant polluted city

A good couple pages:

“The time for sneaking and hiding was over. She was going to make sure one man in particular saw her. And tonight was the night. The Chief Rat Catcher had a job to do.” (Ch 19, p225) YES SERAFINA!!!!!

“She… kept lacing her dress up her back with shaky fingers, but she was having a terrible go of it. Normal girls must have extremely long and bendy arms to do this every night, she thought. Help she’s so funny 😭

“She hated walking straight. And she hated walking slow.” REAL

“She was a China doll, and she was a wraith, in and out of shadows, a girl in between.” Very nice

oooohhhhhh she’s hoping the mountain Lion will show up to kill him. I didn’t realize that the first time i read this

“Come out, my dear child, before I become angry with you.” Thanks to @secretly-a-catamount for telling me Thorne was meant to be a warning to children about child predators because now I SEE IT even more clearly than I did earlier

”At that moment, all the power and ferocity of closed motherhood came ripping out of the woods.” YESSIR

GIDEAN TO THE RESCUE!!!

”she was mightily perturbed he hadn’t stayed dead” 💀 😭

yesyesyesyes die rat bastard!!!!! Mr Thorne is dead!!!!! Let’s go!!!!!

LEANDRA!!!!!

Braeden putting together a search party for serafina and sending gidean out ahead is so perfect and wonderful

Am I the only one somewhat perplexed that all Mrs&Mr Vanderbilt did was send down some beds? Like why not give them a proper room even in the servant’s floor or something? Idk

“There are few skills more important than picking good friends.” — Mr Vanderbilt, the man who befriended Mr Thorne 😂

ahhhh I loved this book. I can’t WAIT to reread the rest!

[dracophile]

For ao3 writing thing

🍓🍹🍄

Yay, someone sent some! :D

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I believe I was in middle school, early 2000s. I rented a book called Dragon's Bait by Vivien Vande Velde from my local library. This book probably had a bigger impact on me than a certain wizard book ever did. I loved it, it started my obsession with dragons, and It ended in such a way that the main characters, Alys and Selendrile, could continue to have many adventures together and eventually fall in love. But it didn't show that part, which i found frustrating at the time. I started daydreaming and imagining those adventures, writing them down in an old notebook. That's right, I wrote analog fanfiction. Mainly because I was like 11 and I had no idea that was a thing on the internet yet. Eventually by browisng I found the old FF.Net, before it coroded away, and live journal and all that and started reading fics for anime I liked, then I finally got the courage to start writing. Dragon's Bait still remains one of my favorite books though (I also like Never Trust a Deadman, Heir Apparent, Companions of the Night by the same author)

I...can't find 🍹??? It looks like a combo of 🥤and 🧃(both drinks with straws?) so...I'll just do both

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

It feels like forever since I've sat and read a fanfic tbh...besides a one shot here and there. But I will say, @fairy-writes is great! I don't know some of the series she writes for, but she does a lot of readerxcharacter here on tumblr and what I read is compelling and emotional with great characterization. Book authors, I already recommended Vivian Vande Velde for a good all ages book. For a bit more adult books, I like Maria V. Snyder's books, Gail Carriger, and Lynn Flewelling

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

Personal lore about me? Um...When I was young, like ages 10, 11, and 12, my parents sent me to horse riding camp during the summer. I love horses, but I wasn't a horse girl. It's just, y'know, Texas and it was an easy one to find nearby and if i had to do summer camp I wanted to be able to ride a horse. Well, that year i was twelve, they decided to try and scare us with the story of a psycho in the woods. Except one of the counselors took it too far and ransacked the cabins a little (no damage but messing stuff up) and then tapping on the windows to scare us. A lot of us were scared and one girl started crying. The councilor in our cabin then told her it wasn't real and they were just trying to scare us, and I overheard her. I had two flashes of emotion then: Anger and the desire for revenge. And I don't know how I thought of this so fast--maybe because I'd started watching horror movies by now and liking them--but I asked her "So who was dragging the sack through the woods by the campfire?" I didn't see that, but I was so adamant I saw that and had such a docile reputation that the counselor ran off to talk to the head counselor. I saw their flashlights in the night. It was the last day of camp anyway but no one got much sleep. One counselor did ask if I lied before my mom came and I said "It's just a story, calm down." I told my mom i probably shouldn't go back again though. That's the only time I've ever gaslit someone I swear XD

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

I don't know of NIck/Sloane would count since Sloane is my OC so like...it's all headcannon there. Since most of my stuff written (well, all of it right now) on A03 is Grimm though, let's go with that. My other favorite ship is Monroe and Rosalee so let's see...I've gone into some on the fic...

One i haven't explored too much is their differences in diet. At the start of their relationship, Monroe would bend over backwards and almost hide his veganism because he'd had issues in the past with others finding it tedious or annoying. He's usually very proud of it, but he doesn't want Rosalee doing the same thing. Eventually, Rosalee had to confront him because his nervousness was making her more anxious than anything. She told him she was fine with him being vegan as long as he was fine with her not being vegan, and Monroe was adamant that he didn't want Rosalee to change a thing. He gets used to the smell of cooking meat again and they find side dishes they can share happily, and sometimes she made an all vegan meal she would enjoy as well. However, after one evening where he woged after an after dinner kiss and had to go on a run, he asked she brush her teeth after dinner just to be safe because the left over taste of meat set off a little blood lust. Rosalee now keeps her teeth very clean after meals.

[the-silver-peahen-residence]

||Demon check-up part 8||

Hi everyone, Peahen mom here with another drabble to the Demon check-up mini series. If you wish to read the following chapters, they are below this:

~~Chapters~~

Part one

Part two

Part three

Part four

Part five

Part six

Part seven

((Your reading part eight right now))

||Drabble Summary||

The game was over after all that, seeing all fractions have been caught and treated by Dr. Akiko. They were healed up and fully well or mentally scared. So, all was well..or was it? If you wanna know why, read to find out.

||Warning||

~This is half funny/scary type of drabble

~crying/freaking out is present in drabble

~scared demons are present in this with a crazy happy doctor

~quick death and revival will happen during this drabble

((Guests in this drabble))

Yuuka Nakano, Ashley Butterfly, Rex oxford mills, Willow, and Jinx along with their fractions belong to me.

Van ink, Kali, Joshua, Fin, Ethan, Guam along with their fractions are in this. They belong to @demon-blood-youths

((Just a heads up: Grammar is not good and their will be heavy mistakes but this was written for fun so please enjoy. ))

After a few more hours, the check up for this year is finally done. Akiko was happily smiling at everyone who was sitting down looking too scared to speak. Even the remaining members of the DBT who got treated for it. They didn't say anything now scared once more.

"See? That wasn't so bad right? You guys are doing well and is treated from any wounds." she smiled sweetly to them but they only mutters not sure on how to answer that.

"Thank you Ophelia for helping me, same for the healers and the young ones." she smiled seeing Ophelia get head pets while giggling.

"Of course. I'm glad to hear that everyone is well. See guys? It was all over before you know it."

"Y..Yeah..t..that's n..nice.." Maggie grumbles while everyone was quiet. However, that's when Ophelia already unlocked the windows and doors so everyone can leave.

"Though, I hope we see you guys in the next check up." Akiko giggled sweetly to them but they only got more scared hoping to never see her in the next one.

"Yeah, thank you for everything Doctor!" Ink said happily.

"Yeah, thanks!" Jinx smiled.

"Y..Yeah, thank you.." Willow said.

"...R..right.." Ethan mutters.

"T..true. T..thank you." Fin said.

"Thanks.." Joshua said.

"T.t..t..thank....y..y..you.." Ashley whispered.

"Thanks doctor.." Rex said in a silent tone.

"Yeah..thanks.." Kali said.

"......thanks.." Yuu mutters looking down.

"Yeah, thank you....v..very much." Guam said.

"Your welcome sweeties! I Hope you enjoy your afternoons today!" she said as the fractions leave the building. In their minds though.

'NEVER..AGAIN!'

~~~~Outside of the Hospital~~~~~~

"Thank god we are out!" Fin said as everyone was sitting down but was trying to mentally relax from it. However, they only see some looking disturbed.

"Yeah, now we get why you guys were scared of her." Fin said rubbing his arms. "I hope we don't see her again for her treatment.."

"You and me both.." Guam said as everyone was trying to relax.

"Well, a...at least we are out and done.." Ashley said.

"True..but that reminds me.." Kali glares but grabs Navarro's jacket as he yelps to see some angry few. "As for you.."

"I know, I know! I'm sorry! I did say I would find a way to make it up to you guys for ditching you! I'm really sorry!" he said in a panic but he sees how angry some were due to it.

"You are so dead you know that right!? How could you!" she said as Navarro looks to the side.

"You can't blame me for that! I just panicked and...I don't know!" he said but Kali drops him as he slowly sits up to brush the dirt off his clothes.

"Whatever. You don't have to owe us back but that was a dick move of you." Rex said with arms crossed, seeing Navarro lower his head.

"I know..and I'll find a way to make it up to you guys.."

"Oh no, we know someone else will. You did ditch her and she's not happy.." Willow said but Navarro blinks before he remembers. "Oh shit.." He looks over seeing Jinx seeing her team alright but he sighed to stand up but goes to them as the cursed vixens saw him but Echo was looking ahead.

".....Umm...Echo?" she heard his voice but didn't face him. The fractions wonder what she'll say or do. "Look, I'm so sorry that I ditched you. I just...panicked and freaked out! I really didn't want to ditch you..I..." he saw her not saying anything.

"B..but I'm glad you got out and your fine! But I got the treatment too so we are-"

Suddenly, the fractions wince from a sound as the girls gasped and Shdwkyz had his eyes wincing from the punch seeing this. Navarro was holding his nose as Echo punched him in the face! She looks down but was silent.

"OWWWW!! ECHO WHAT THE FUCK-"

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!" she shouted glaring at him but she goes to grab his shirt to look at him. His green eyes met with angry red eyes from her normal green. Yeah, the elemental bomber was pissed.

"I.."

"You got the treatment yeah but what the fuck?!?"

"If you just listen to me-"

"NO! YOU FUCKING DITCHED ME! YOU SERIOUSLY WERE FUCKING SCARED THAT YOU WOULD DITCH EVERYONE THAT ARE YOUR FRIENDS!? EVEN ME!!" she shouted shaking him while he winces feeling blood running down his nose.

"W..wait wait wait! I'm sorry I just-"

"OH sure you are! Your fucking sorry but you think getting treated by that..that witch helps!? Do you have any idea how painful it was when you ditched us!? and Me!! Me, of all people!!" she shouted but looks at him. "I should fucking bomb your ass to the moon and down into the ground you traitor!" She really was angry but Navarro grips her wrists to see her angry.

"HEY GET OFF MY BACK! I SAID I WAS SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DITCH ANYONE! I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF A PLAN TO GET AWAY FROM THAT CRAZY DOCTOR!" he shouted back.

"WELL, YOUR IDEA FAILED AND WE ALL GOT TREATED ANYWAY! WHAT SORT OF PERSON DITCHES THEIR OWN FRIENDS!" she shouted back.

"HEY, IT WAS TRYING TO SURVIVE AND NOT GET KILLED-"

"THE FUCK WITH THAT!!" she shouted back.

"Guys, I think you both should calm down-"

"STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS, SHDKWYZ!" They shouted as he was shut down to be silent.

'Geez...'

"You seriously need to work on that if your planning on ditching your friends and people you care about, Navarro! I can't believe you!" she said mad.

"Again, WHY!? Haven't you seen how things work in horror movies! Most that stay and help end up being killed! I was thinking smart and trying to make a plan-"

"Which still failed you dumb ass!" she growls but looks at him. "You still ditched everyone. You still left us to that witch! And now you expecting the ones you ditched to forgive you? Oh sure, I'm sure they did after calming down! Well not me! I can't forgive you for that!!!!" she said each word jabbing his chest but he looks quiet.

"I'm still angry with you!! You seriously don't care and yet you were ditching everyone like you were saving your own ass! I didn't know you would be that low to ditch everyone and ME! I wouldn't ditch you even if I was scared and you did with everyone and me!!!" she said as Navarro looks down but he closed his hand into a fist.

"You let fear get to you and you ended up doing this just like back then!? What the hell is wrong with you and thinking it's fine to ditch them. Do you not care!?"

"I DO CARE! WHAT IS THIS SOME FUCKING LECTURE?! I SAID I WAS SORRY DAMN IT! YOU DON'T NEED TO RUB IT IN! I ALREADY GOT THAT ASSHOLE *points at Shdwkyz* DOING THAT ANYWAY! I DON'T NEED YOU DOING IT TO ME TOO!" he said but he was still mad.

"BECAUSE YOU-"

"JUST STOP AND FUCKING LISTEN TO ME YOU HARDHEADED FUCKING MORON!!" he shouted back glaring at her.

"I DON'T NEED YOU NOR ANYONE ELSE TREATING LIKE I'M ALWAYS GONNA FREAK OUT!! I'M NOT A TRAITOR!!! I DON'T NEED YOU WORRYING ABOUT ME!!!! BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND ANYWAY BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE TOO GIRLY OF YOU SINCE YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO BE TREATED AS A EQUAL!!!?"

"......"

"WHY DON'T YOU STOP FUCKING SHOUTING AT ME LIKE YOU HAVE A STUCK UP YOUR ASS AND JUST DROP IT!!! I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO FUCKING PUNCH ME ALL BECAUSE I FUCKING DITCHED YOU!! WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE AND FEEL LIKE YOU WERE MOST HURT!? I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR SYMPATHY ALRIGHT!? WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP SHOUTING AT ME, GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK, AND GROWN A BACK BONE, YOU FUCKING LOUD SHOUTING BITCH!!!" he screamed but Echo's eyes widen hearing this.

"........." The girls were shocked hearing that but said nothing as Echo looks down to slowly calm down. However, he looks at her confused before her upper part of her face was hidden by her wild blond hair.

Navarro was panting from his anger but he looks confused seeing Echo say nothing. However, his own eyes widen thinking of what he said to cover his mouth. Shit. Shit shit shit!!

"...W..Wait, Echo, I didn't mean-"

"............Save it. I think you did." she said looking angry but Echo was...crying? Wait, she was crying!? Navarro was about to say something but Echo turns to walk off to be alone.

"Echo! Wait!" he said about to stop her but stops seeing something thrown at his feet to fall back. He sees her holding a energy bomb as she was looking ahead.

"Echo!"

"JUST FUCK OFF ALREADY NAVARRO!" she said before rushing off.

"ECHO!! WAIT, COME BACK!" Jinx said as she and the cursed vixens goes to follow her worried. However, the other fractions were shocked at what Navarro just did. He didn't say anything but watches her leave. Though, he did see where she threw the bomb at that it almost hit him to look silent and down.

'Fucking damn it..what have I done?' he thought. The fractions said nothing but Ink had her arms crossed. Seems like the afternoon took a wrong turn here.

[mariemariemaria]

Books read in 2023:

Molly Sweeney (Brian Friel)

If Cats Disappeared from the World (Genki Kawamura)

Remembering Light and Stone (Deirdre Madden)

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (Taylor Jenkins Reid)

Small Things Like These (Claire Keegan)

The Vegetarian (Han Kang)

The Forester’s Daughter (Claire Keegan)

One by One in the Darkness (Deirdre Madden)

Foster (Claire Keegan)

The Dark (John McGahern)

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali (Sabina Khan)

Agatha Raisin and the Terrible Tourist (M.C. Beaton)

The Thursday Murder Club (Richard Osman)

The Travelling Cat Chronicles (Hiro Arikawa)

The Furthest Distance (Lucy Caldwell)

The Last White Man (Mohsin Hamid)

Convenience Store Woman (Sayaka Murata)

Lies of Silence (Brian Moore)

The Plough and the Stars (Seán O'Casey)

Before the Coffee Gets Cold (Toshikazu Kawaguchi)

So Late in the Day (Claire Keegan)

Burnt Out: How 'The Troubles' Began (Michael McCann)

My Year of Rest and Relaxation (Ottessa Moshfegh)

Not for Profit: Why Democracy Needs the Humanities (Martha C. Nussbaum)

What You Are Looking for is in the Library (Michiko Aoyama)

Diary of a Young Naturalist (Dara McAnulty)

Coraline (Neil Gaiman)

Reflections and some discussion under the cut

As u can see I had a Claire Keegan Deirdre Madden phase at the start of the year.....they're both good authors and Madden is v underrated imo (though Remembering Light and Stone was a little underwhelming for me, but still memorable).

My goal was 25 books and I'm happy I reached it. Reading books was something I loved as a child, but for various reasons I got very out of the habit and it got to the stage where I was really struggling to concentrate on reading novels for even a short period of time. But over the last couple of years I've been sloooowly getting back into the habit and so this year I privately set myself this challenge and while it did keep me motivated because I wanted to reach it, it also wasn't a burden and I really enjoyed being a bookworm again. I thought a few times about getting Goodreads again but I honestly think that it was one of the many things which put me off reading in the first place. I don't like feeling like I have to read fifty or a hundred or more books, and there is pressure to do that, and personally I do not feel that I can always sum up my feelings on a book neatly out of five stars.

Some of my faves this year were: Small Things Like These; One by One in the Darkness, The Thursday Murder Club; Convenience Store Woman; Before the Coffee Gets Cold; Burnt Out. Though I liked most of the books I read this year and I kinda just want to keep adding to this list.

My least faves: The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali (it was not the best written but not the worst, I liked aspects of it but others...not so much); Agatha Raisin (though I was expecting it to be well written lol); Lies of Silence (I have literally no idea how that book got shortlisted for the Booker Prize. It was meant to be a thriller but it was dull and predictable. RIP to the female characters' potential. I half wonder if I missed something because it seems to be on the LC curriculum, but there are so many more better books that deal with similar issues, like One by One in the Darkness by Deirdre Madden for example).

DNF (and do not really want to finish): Asking For It by Louise O'Neill. No doubt an important book and well written, but just too graphic for me.

I think I'm gonna keep the goal of 25 books for this year, but branch out a bit more. A lot of the books I didn't get finished last year were non-fiction, so I'll finish them and then add them to my 2024 list (is that cheating? lol idrc), and try to read other non fiction books and memoirs. Also, just over half of the books I read were Irish (14 books - 52 odd per cent), and while I LOVE Irish fiction (somebody talk to me about Deirdre Madden please) and the non-fiction books I read were really important and felt quite personal (Diary of a Young Naturalist gave me a greater appreciation for local wildlife, and was fun to read because I've been to many of the places the author described, and Burnt Out should be read by anybody who wants to understand The Troubles and made me think of my own family's experience, as well as appreciate impressive historical research done by a non-university academic) but I could probably do with exploring other cultures and histories more. So I'll try to do that. I'd also like to read more poetry, but I can't just sit down and read a book of poetry the same way I can a novel, I must spend days and weeks analysing a poem and going insane over it. I may or may not read a poetry book over a few months...we shall see.

[nanuk-dain]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

A huge thank you to @ableedingpen for tagging me. It's my very first time doing something like this, and it's so much fun ^_^

How many works do you have on ao3?

301. Although I have some fics posted as a series and additionally as a chaptered fic, so it's probably three or four works less than that.

What's your total ao3 word count?

2,478,092. But again, some fics are posted twice in a different format, so it's less.

What fandoms do you write for?

More than I can count... The big ones are Generation Kill, Band of Brothers, Pacific Rim, Lord of the Rings, The Mummy, RED, Bourne Trilogy, Rambo (yes, really, you read that correctly XD), Avengers, NUMA, Oregon Files, The Sinking of the Laconia...

But I also have tons of really small and rare fandoms and if I name them all, we'll be here a while ;D

For the past three years I've been mostly active in Generation Kill, though.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Primal Instinct (9-1-1): 2.132

A Never-Ending Dance (The Mummy): 1.110

Marks (The Mummy): 910

More Than A Thousand Words (Avengers): 637

Claim (Fast and Furious): 473

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Or at least I try. I'm not always as good at it as I wish I was... I always feel terrible when I haven't replied to a comment, because somebody took the time to write me and I want to honour that because it means the world to me. I love comments so much, and I think that the least I can do is to tell that to the person who left me a wee word.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Of Losses and Promises, no doubt. Although it's not necessarily the ending, but the fic itself.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Too many to count, I guess? But I think that In An Ideal Word, Things Would Have Been Different qualifies, especially given the WWII setting and the stuff I put the poor guys through.

Do you get hate on fics?

I never did - until I got some really strange comments on an Avengers fic by an anonymous commenter (no AO3 account) a few weeks ago. I was really bewildered, because it wasn't really blind hate or something. I think they just got really upset, but they took the time to write long and detailed comments that said not one single good thing about the fic. Since it was a fic of almost 32k and the first comment was on chapter 3, I just wondered why the heck they kept reading it if they found it so horrible... Don't like, don't read. It's that easy. Just walk away for your own sanity.

I still haven't decided how to proceed with those comments. On one hand I don't want that under my fic, but deleting it feels wrong too, because it wasn't pure hate just to be spiteful, but somebody who felt really triggered in a way I still don't get... Replying to it is probably pointless, but maybe I will sit down done day and write an objective, reasonable reply. I don't know.

Do you write smut?

*cackles* Oh, you could say that. I think my longest smut scene to date (yes, just one scene) is about 17k... I tend to go into detail and then include the mushy feelings and all the sensations that the five senses feed into the brain and boom, you get a really long juicy scene. Happens to me all the time ^_^V

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Rarely, because I'm not a big fan of crossovers. They need to be really well done in order to work (for me, at least), and the only occasion where I really really really had to write a crossover is Touched, which is Generation Kill and Band of Brothers, where I get Doc Bryan and Doc Roe to meet, but without changing the canon timelines or playing with time travel or something like that - so old medic meets and mentors young corpsman, with some extra plot thrown in. Well, who doesn't love the HBO War medics...? ;D

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No. Not that I know of, anyway. So I hope not? My art gets reposted without permission quite a lot, though. Even had some of my manips manipped over by somebody and they cut out my signature. That sucked.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Several. I think there's Chinese, German, Russian and Spanish among the languages some fics got translated into.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not before a few weeks ago, when @mac-and-geese and I started a wee pet project. It's still in the works, but it will be awesome!

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Oh dear, how am I supposed to answer that? There are so many fantastic pairings out there...

If I look at it from a reader's perspective, then it's Fraser/RayK from dueSouth. In the fandoms I write for, I would have to say Ray Person/Doc Bryan from Generation Kill.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Actually, I don't have one that I doubt I will ever finish. It may take time (because damn my busy RL, and why do I have to work to pay rent?!?), but I will finish all of them (to be fair, I only have four wips that I have posted). I'm tenacious like that. I simply can't bear leaving things unfinished. It eats me up inside, so I finish my fics for the sake of my inner peace alone XD

What are you writing strengths?

I think I'm quite good at crawling into many different character's minds, getting comfy there, absorb their personality and then write from their POV. Even for characters I don't actually like.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm too wordy. I just can't keep it short. I don't think I'll ever be able to write a drabble, not even if my life depended on it...

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it's one of my languages, okay, but if it's one I'm not able to speak, it's bound to end up being very wrong and cringy (yes, google translate, I'm looking at you). Especially if it's longer sections of dialogue I prefer to mark it in some way that there's a language switch, like italics or something like that, and still write it in English. It's easier to read for people, and not everybody will know the respective language, so it'll screw up the flow. I personally hate having to search for the translation at the end of the fic, so I don't do that to my readers. I have no issues with using words/nicknames etc in another language, though, especially when they're easily understandable or I can include the meaning/translation in the story.

First fandom you wrote for?

Lord of the Rings, Éomer/Haldir. No, wait, before that there was a Pirates of the Caribbean fic that was so bad that I don't even have it anymore and I'm glad that the archive where I posted it doesn't exist anymore XD

Favourite fic you've written?

Oh my, that's difficult... I think I'd have to say Like A Kitten On Truth Serum because it's the funniest fic writing experience I've had so far. If we go for the other end of the spectrum, then Of Losses and Promises is probably my favourite sad/angsty fic I've written so far.

All right, so my turn to tag (I hope I'm doing it right): @anthrobrat @mac-and-geese @jenkil @bookishdea