#i was talking with my girlfriend about the burning house theme and idk

[fr0gg13b413]

for the first time, i actually want to tell you something, let you in on my life.

not for the burn but for the warmth, because i love you and i want you in my life.

but you are one of the people who light the fire burning in that house. and you don’t love me enough to look past your own opinions. you don’t love me enough to put down the matches.

you don’t love me enough.

so i have to plan around the burning home. i plan an escape route, and check all the fire alarms. i fill water buckets and leave all the windows unlocked. i make sure i’m prepared for the flames, for every scenario.

becuase otherwise i will choke on the smoke that used to keep me warm.

you love me but it’s not enough and it never will be. that’s the tragedy.

[toomuchracket]

how about matty convincing d word girlie going to a football match with her?? (Maybe she doesn’t really like football that much, or even at all, idk?)

HA yeah ok so you and matty go for a little long weekend up the north-east to visit some of his family, and newcastle are playing at home on the saturday and before you go tim phones to say he's got tickets for all of you - you included. matty giggles when he tells you this, because any time he talks about football or watches it in the house your eyes just glaze over out of disinterest, despite your best efforts to pay attention, and he knows you'll wince at the thought of actually going to a match; you do, but quickly plaster on a hesitant smile and say "ok", and matty's like "you'll go? really?", and you're like "... yes. it would make you really happy, wouldn't it?", and matty kisses your head and says "it would, darlin', it would mean a lot to me if you were there", and you're like "so it's settled. i will go to the football". and matty's like "can you say that again? i need to film it and send it to your dad so he'll believe me when i tell him" - you point at him like "don't fucking push it, matthew", and matty laughs and takes your face in his hands to kiss you like "sorry, baby. thank you for doing this. i love you. it'll be fun", to which you're like "i love you too, and that's the only reason i'm ACTUALLY doing it. and i guess seeing your family will be fun, at least, lol". but as the weekend gets closer, you do actually start to get excited, just because matty's so hyped about taking his girl to see his team lmao (he is such a boy). he's like "try on one of my football tops to see if it fits, and you can wear it to the game. that would be cute", and you're a bit 😐 about the idea; that is, until you pull one of the black and white tops over your underwear and step into the living room to show matty, and he reacts by... literally pulling one of the sofa cushions over his lap and breathing heavily. your jaw drops like "babe you did not just get hard at the sight of me in a newcastle united shirt lmaoooooooo. it's that easy? wow", and matty groans into his hands like "shut up how else am i meant to react? the most beautiful woman on the planet, my beloved girlfriend, in MY football top? this is teenage wet dream material, sweetheart" - you go over to kiss him and say "well, if we have sex now with me wearing it, will that make it better or worse?", and matty thinks for a second like "better. i'll get it out of my system" lol.

and he's right, actually - a week later, when you appear in his cousin's kitchen with the same shirt visible under your coat, all matty thinks of is how cute you look lmao (but he does smirk a little bit when everyone says how sweet you are for wearing it, considering you did some arguably non-sweet things to him in it before lol). the actual day itself is quite nice; you all go for food and a couple of drinks before the game, during which you literally just share really cringe anecdotes about matty with his dad and brother, and then matty takes 948482 pics of you outside st james' park (and makes one his lockscreen) before you go in. he hugs you tightly before the game starts like "this is really special to me, sweetheart, thank you for doing this", and you're like "it's chill i actually am having fun lol". he stays holding you through the start of the game, too, because it's chilly, but pulls back to look at you in bewilderment when you hum along to the local hero theme as the players come onto the pitch; you're like "what? i've seen the film. it's good. so is the tune", and matty kisses you quickly like "you never fail to amaze me, honestly". anyway, the first half of the game is... kinda boring? nobody scores, there's not a lot of action, and the most exciting thing is you nearly burning your tongue on a bovril at half-time lol. it picks up in the second half, though - you spend the first few goal attempts looking and smiling at matty getting really into it, because he's so cute and animated, but then the tables turn and you catch him grinning at you when you swear at a near miss from newcastle. when they finally do score, you both cheer, and matty gets so hyped that he picks you up - well, he tries to, in the limited space between rows of seats lol. you have to ask him to clarify ref decisions at bits (fuck if i know what constitutes a yellow card btw), which he RELISHES doing, explaining them and kissing your cheek when you're like "ok cool. i see". in the end, newcastle win, and when the home support stands go into joyous uproar you're a part of it, hugging matty and tim and all the rest of the family as if you were an avid fan lmao; matty also probably tries to fully make out with you in excitement and just general happiness that you're with him, which you indulge in briefly before being like "come on, we need to move now so the people behind us can get out lol". but you continue the making out in the smoking area of the pub you all pile into to celebrate the win, matty like "this has been one of my favourite days ever, sweetheart. i'm so grateful for you, and even more in love with you, honestly" - you're like "i love you! and i really have enjoyed myself. don't think i could do it every week, in fairness, but i had fun. thanks for bringing me, baby". and matty's like "anytime, darlin'. and feel free to borrow the top anytime, too. in fact, i'd encourage it" lol <3

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #107

(taken january 30th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Have you ever been to an animal shelter? Yes.

How far away do you live from the beach? Around two hours by car.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No, it's just never seemed at all appealing to me, but I'm not about to try one and then suddenly get hooked on them, especially having such an addictive personality.

Have you ever bought yourself or someone else lingerie? No.

If you have a dog, does it bark a lot? Sometimes she does, especially if she hears another dog barking or thinks someone is outside.

Have you ever seen a magic show? At kids' parties.

Have you ever begged the opposite sex for anything at all? Yes, to stay. Never doing that shit again.

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever cheated on you? Were you mad or sad? No.

Would it creep you out if you walked in on your best friend having sex? My best friend is my boyfriend and we're monogamous so I'd be pretty fucking upset, not "creeped out."

Does it scare you when the sky gets really cloudy and dark during the day? Yes, because of how terrified I am of tornadoes and conditions that look like they could spawn them.

Are you afraid of one certain ride at a theme park? I'm afraid of any ride that could very easily make me dizzy and cause me to faint and also - and even more - rides that might make me motion sick because I am very afraid of vomiting.

Do you usually wrap gifts or just put them in a bag? I use bags unless Mom wraps it for me. I am horrible at wrapping, and it's less mess anyway.

Do you have any scars from burns? No.

Does your bathroom fill up with steam when you take a shower? No; I haven't allowed that to happen for years, since that time I passed out in the shower. I've always kept the door AT LEAST cracked. Nowadays because I use a shower chair, even less condensation happens in the bathroom because when actually working shampoo into my hair or washing my body, the showerhead has to be turned off because I need both hands.

When was the last time you were given jewelery as a gift? This Christmas; I got a proper kit for gauging my ears.

Have you ever built a snowman? Yeah, I miss that.

Have you ever been in a tree house? No. That's something I always wanted as a kid, but we only had pine trees in our yard, so it was entirely unrealistic.

Have you ever had to do your laundry at a laundromat? Yeah, back at the old house when our washer sometimes decided to be a piece of shit.

Do you think it's likely that humans will go extinct in the next 1,000 years? Yes, frankly. We've caused too much damage to this planet, and it's not stopping, AND the population keeps going up and up, so...

Do you and your dad have similar personalities? We both have an embarrassing lack of common sense, if I'm honest.

What did your family usually do for Easter when you were a kid? Easter egg hunt, and we always got individual baskets of candies and stuff.

Do you live near any large rivers or lakes? The Tar River, yeah.

Are you emotionally stable? lol

What was going on in your life back in 2011? High school freshman. Juan and I had something brewing between us, but his reputation kept me from dating him 'til like, the VERY end of the year, and that lasted not even a day thanks to his ex, which was really a blessing in disguise, I'm sure.

Do you still talk to the very first person you had sex with? Question is irrelevent to me.

Are you an atheist? I don't really know if I consider myself atheist or agnostic or what. I have SOME spiritual ideologies, like I absolutely believe there's SOMETHING after death, but idk about a "god."

What’s the largest bug you’ve ever found in your house? Uhhhh, idk. Nothing THAT big. Rarely we've seen a wolf spider, but that's not a bug.

Do you believe rich people are worth more than those who are poor? Fuck off, absolutely fucking not.

Do you have any embarrassing health issues? I don't exactly talk about having some sort of gastrointestinal issues, as well as certain problems that come with being my weight and stuff.

Have you ever worked in food service? Technically yeah; I lasted at a deli for like... not even two hours lmao.

Do you write mostly in cursive or in print? It's a mix, but definitely mostly cursive.

Who was your first favorite cartoon character? I'd say probably Charmander.

Who is your favorite Disney princess? Mulan, if she counts. If not, I think Jasmine.

What grocery store do you shop at the most? Wal-Mart. It's like, barely even two minutes from my house and it's also most affordable with the widest variety of options.

What is your favorite fast food place? Sonic.

Do you like McDonald’s French fries? They're *usually* my favorite fries of the big, popular chain restaurants. But sometimes they're too crunchy for me personally. I'm one of those weird people that likes flimsier fries, lol.

What color is your hair? Holy SHIT I barely know anymore. It's this weird mix of what was once a seaweed-ish green and the remnants of purple that for whatever reason didn't take the green, and you can also see my brown roots clearly now. I even hesitate to call the green "green," it's so faded now. I need to dye it BADLY but I just can't afford that right now when I'm saving for my tattoo.

Did you get your hair color from your mom, your dad, or a grandparent? Mom, I guess. Though I was born dirty blonde, and I have no idea where that came from. But it turned into a brown that's very much like my two sisters', and Mom's hair is naturally a very dark brown, darker than ours but still brown.

What is your name (first and middle)? Brittany Marie.

What are some other names your parents considered when naming you? I feel like Kathryn was one. Idk about others. I should ask, that'd be interesting to know.

Who was the last person you know who had a baby? One of my older sister's close friends/a former neighbor.

... And what was the baby’s name? Holly.

Do you clean your room often? Nowhere near as much as I should. It's a major reason I'm trying to restyle my room with a more minimalistic approach, so I don't have to move SO much decor to clean adequately. I get legitimately stressed when I have to move all the stuff that's currently in there because I obsess over the idea that I'm not going to put shit back in a way that I like.

What color is your dresser? Brown.

Do you have a favorite aunt, and if so, who is it? Yes, my Aunt Caroline. I've only met her once that I remember, but I had an awful anxiety attack at her house and she helped me through it with such warmth and care and I still haven't forgotten it. She and my uncle Bill are wonderful people that I really want to see again.

Who is your favorite cousin? I honestly don't have one. The only two cousins I knew well I cut off when their father was causing massive familial stress and drama and supported his slimy decisions. Gotta love spoiled rich kids.

Do you have a problem with needles? I really don't like long needles, especially when they go deep through the skin. They used to totally not bother me, but now if I get a shot or something, I look away because I worry about getting woozy. I can handle seeing my blood be drawn, but even that I prefer to not look at these days. I don't know what changed.

If applicable, what color are your glasses? They have a black rim.

Have you ever stood up to a bully? Maybe? I definitely WOULD if I saw it happening, but I don't really remember an occasion where this has happened.

Which famous person do you think you could be friends with? Oh I could SO be friends with Gab Smolders (no idea what her real last name is, just going with the YouTube handle); we have such, such similar tastes in horror games and I feel like I could talk to her about various ones for hours lmao. Plus she loves cats so like, bestie lmfao. I just really like her personality and general vibe.

If you could sit down and talk to anyone for an hour, who would it be? Markiplier, absolutely zero hesitation.

Have you ever made your own Halloween costume out of clothes from your closet? Oh for sure.

What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Sangrias, probably strawberry ones. I'm hoping to have one for my birthday when we go out for lunch.

Do you have anyone who hugs you regularly? Girt, when I see him, as well as my sister's kids, especially Ryder haha.

Who gives the best hugs? I feel safest and most treasured with Girt's hugs, but I absolutely have to give credit to Ryder with how enthusiastically he runs up and hugs me. :')

Have you ever thrown up on an airplane? No, let's keep it that way. It's funny just how worried I get about getting motion sick despite the fact I've never once in my life gotten motion sickness.

What were your favorite stores when you were in high school? Hot Topic.

Do you enjoy editing photos? I do. Ya kinda have to if you want to be a photographer, if I'm honest. Almost (emphasis on "almost") absolutely no famous picture you'll ever see went totally untouched in postproduction, I promise you.

How many tabs are open on your browser right now? Five. That's not many for me, lol.

Have you ever wanted to start a business? I very seriously want to be a freelance photographer, so yeah, I guess.

Ever had a pillow fight? I'm sure I have at some point.

What do you usually pick in truth or dare? Truth. I didn't really like/do dares.

Has there been a celebrity death that really affected you? Steve Irwin and Chester Bennington hit deepest for me.

What was the name of your third grade teacher? Mrs. Britt.

What did you get your best friend for their last birthday? I was really fucking upset that I couldn't get him anything because of money; I wasn't comfortable asking my mom to use her money. He completely understood and didn't care, but I did.

What did they get you for yours? Tbh I can't remember what he got me last year...

How's your life at the moment? I've been in this mental/emotional state lately where it feels like I'm driving a car but running on empty; I just feel very out of fuel with trying in the various things I'm trying to accomplish.

Have you ever had a close friend move away? Yeah.

Who is your favorite female celebrity? Bindi Irwin, most likely.

Are you literally afraid of anyone? I'll probably always be somewhat afraid of Jason just because I know how much power he probably STILL holds over my emotions. I know I'd be very, very afraid to see or interact with him in any way. I should emphasize though that I don't find him scary in the sense I think he'd actually cause me harm, he's a completely harmless person. Or was; I really shouldn't pretend I know how he is anymore.

Who was the last person to tell you a secret? My mom.

Who did you last take a picture with? One (or multiple) of my sister's kids, I'm sure. Sometimes Mom takes pictures of us when I'm at their place and not looking.

Who was the last person to comfort you? Girt.

What are your plans for tomorrow? I have my first appointment with my new therapist... I'm really nervous.

[TW: SUICIDE] If your friend tried to commit suicide in front of you, how would you react? I'm physically trying to intervene fucking immediately and calling for absolutely anyone who's in earshot to call 911 because that friend needs to go to the hospital. I've been in the shoes of someone trying to kill themselves, I don't mess around with this shit. I'm finding them help immediately.

Have you ever tried to impress someone before? Yeah. Literally the only reason I got my first job was because I wanted Jason to see that I "could" work. Ended horribly, btw.

If you found out you were pregnant how would you react? That's not scientifically possible so I guess I believe in the Virgin Mary now.

Have you ever been dumped by text? Did it hurt? Yeah, and I mean it did, but it wasn't excruciating. I just really, really don't know what Sara and I had; I was over it too quickly for it to have been what I once thought it was. Jason broke up with me via Facebook Messenger, but I'm just going with actual texts here.

What about by Facebook or Myspace? ... Oh, see above. It was fucking soul-annihilating, quite honestly. It completely shattered reality to me; I never, ever thought it would - or could - happen. It was a LITERAL impossibility to me until the night it actually happened.

If you could choose the gender of your child what gender would you choose? I'd strongly prefer a daughter over a son, if I could only have one.

Ever been pressured into something? Yeah.

[panharmonium]

some disjointed thoughts about stranger things 2 under the cut (concealed to hide spoilers from my sister)

so, season 2!

i’ve gone into every season of this show knowing absolutely nothing about it.  i’ve had no exposure to the fandom or to reviews or anything that would indicate what it was about or how good the seasons are in relation to each other, which i like, because i know my opinions are my own.  season 1 i watched back in the winter, i think, and it was amazing.  blew me away. 

i just finished season 2 and i’m like...not as into it?

and i’m glad i had no preexposure to anything, because if i had, i’d worry that i was just being influenced by other people’s opinions, but i genuinely don’t know what people think of the various seasons.  i’ve been stringently avoiding anything about this show, have it blocked on tumblr, etc, so i could watch it cold.

i’d have to watch it again to really pin down the places where my investment was flagging, and i’ll probably do that eventually, because i know my roommate will want to see it, but my general impression was this: they had me hooked in the beginning, and then they started to lose me.

- i feel like overall it was 9 episodes where very little substance actually happened.  plotlines were stretched out over a reallllllly long period of time and became paper-thin.  like nancy and jonathan?  the only thing they really did over those entire nine episodes was make a tape recording and send it to the paper.  that was their whole story, and it could have fit in one episode.

- and what did happen felt like it suffered from a lack of focus.  can i explain this in more detail without watching the show again?  not really.  but i just mean that in S1, i could tell you what each of the main character’s arcs were, and i could lay out how those arcs had clear beginnings, middles, and endings.  in S2, i can really only do that for El (and even that i feel like got messy by the last third).  

- the horror vibe was different this season.  it was LESS scary, to me.  S1 was a CREEP factor that had my skin crawling - it wasn’t like...creature horror - it was the unsettlingness.  the whole parallel world thing was so - well, the only word for it is unsettling, like.  you felt like you could take a step and accidentally wind up somewhere no one should be - the idea that you can be trapped so close to somebody and yet so far away - you just felt like the world was inside out (or upside down, if you will).  and so much of the fear in the first one came from how incomprehensible and uncertain the entire situation was - you didn’t know how things worked and nobody believed you when you tried to tell them what was happening.  that scene where the christmas lights spell out R-U-N?  scariest fucking thing i’ve ever seen.  but S2 changed it to be like...it felt like more of a monster flick.  like a zombie movie or something - lots of creatures running around that you can just shoot with a gun - that’s just not really the same vibe as the first season, and i didn’t find it quite as interesting.

- i don’t want to be That Person, because i liked maxine as a character in general, on her own terms, but from a writing perspective - what even was the purpose of her introduction?  her and her brother both, honestly, the whole family.  i feel almost bad for saying that, because i can guarantee that there were people out there complaining about her being introduced because “they just wanted to have another girl; it’s so stupid, blah blah,” cue more sexist stuff, etc, and that’s really not where i’m coming from, but for me, from a general storytelling perspective, i don’t understand why she or her family were introduced.  they were superfluous to the story.  they didn’t need to be there.  and since i don’t even feel like the returning characters got enough development this season (see point #2), i don’t understand why we spent so much time on her/her family/her introduction to the Party.  it felt like filler.

- stranger things S2 did that thing teen wolf does where 2/3 of the way through the season it drops a tonally-different expository/flashback episode that does a lot of the legwork tying other shit together while also being completely disconnected from the rest of the plot, which is basically an info dump and is my least favorite way of relaying plot/getting characters to the spot the writer wants them to go.  i think kali was the most interesting new character we met this season; i was rapt every time she was onscreen, but i don’t love the “we’re going to shove all of the character development and background info into this one episode and at the end El has had her turnaround and goes back home.”  it didn’t feel believable to me.  are we ever going to see those people again, or were they just a plot convenience to serve the aforementioned purpose?  (idk, i haven’t watched S3 yet, so...we’ll see.)

- some weird...minor tonal changes/dropped plots?  in S1 one of the running undercurrents was how mike and nancy’s mom wanted them to talk to her and she really did care about what was going on but they couldn’t connect to her and that bothered her, whereas in S2 it’s like - that theme has been dropped; she’s not involved in their lives really at all, and her and ted’s spousal relationship is just being played for laughs, and there was that REALLY weird scene with her like...lusting after billy??????  that was so fucking bizarre.  

and until one line in the very last episode, they dropped the whole thing about hopper’s daughter, too - the way they wove that into the first season was brilliantly done, and just - you don’t see a bit of it in S2, and that felt off, to me.

- killing bob was a bad call.  it was gratuitous, AND it was contrived - who the hell is running for their life and then just stops dead in the lobby to smile at their girlfriend?  ANY SENSIBLE PERSON WOULD KEEP RUNNING FOR THE DOOR.  like - bob died, but the doctor survived????????  the doctor, who was attacked and immobilized and defenseless in a stairwell, somehow wasn’t killed??????  of course not, because he needed to survive, so he could get El her papers later....that entire thing irritated me.  it made no sense.  that was actually the point where i said to myself “uh-oh.  first Bad-with-a-capital-B decision this show’s made.”  

- lack of consistency in terms of how, exactly, Stuff Works.  in S1 it was like - the Upside Down is everywhere.  the demigorgon could come through anywhere, if you were unlucky.  that was part of what made it so creepy - there’s this whole other world and it is RIGHT THERE with you, and sometimes the fabric separating the two universes gets scary thin, and bam, you’re somewhere no human has any business being.  whereas in S2 it’s like - ok, things are coming through this one portal and spreading through tunnels underground, in our own dimension???  like at first i thought hopper had actually entered the Upside Down in the tunnels, but then it seemed like the tunnels were still on our plane, just gross-looking.  so why in S1 could the demigorgon come through the ceiling of will’s house, or through that tree in the woods, or take barbara through the pool?  why did the lab people think burning that little gate would help, when the first monster from last season was obviously popping into our dimension from all sorts of other places?  

- this is a minor quibble, but it was driving me up the WALL in the last couple of episodes - what in god’s name were they injecting will with???  and HOW.  mike just grabs that syringe off the counter like “we need to make will go to sleep” - there is NO reason that anyone in the room would know what was in the syringe or what the correct dosage was or HOW TO GIVE AN INJECTION IN THE FIRST PLACE.  joyce gives it???????  by stabbing straight down????????  into will’s arm????????????  what the hell kind of injection technique is that?!?!?!  that’s not....how that works.  ever.  and maxine does it to billy too, in his NECK - just straight in there.  there is no....look, people in human medicine can weigh in better than me here; maybe things are different, but just from the veterinary perspective, you can’t just stab a creature any old place you want, and giving something via any route that isn’t intravenous isn’t going to drop an animal immediately, AND you do not have control over how long they’re going to be out.  if you give a sedative, you can’t just wake an animal up by wafting ammonia under their nose.  AND the animal is likely not going to be actually asleep until you also give an anaesthetic induction agent, and if you do give an anaesthetic induction agent, you’d better have some monitoring equipment and a breathing apparatus hooked up to your patient!

look, it just - the “go to sleep” injection was used to solve too many critical situations for me to just ignore it.  it bothered me.

anyhow.  overall, i didn’t hate it.  but i thought it was way less cohesive than the first season, and therefore way less effective.  i’m still curious to see what happens in S3, but my expectations are lower now. 

[if you wanna talk to me about this, you have my permission, but ONLY if you’re able to do it without talking about S3 in any capacity, including your own personal evaluation of how good/bad it is in relation to the other seasons.  i like to watch without knowing other people’s opinions of things, otherwise i feel like my viewing experience is colored by what i hear.  thanks! :) ]

[purplesurveys]

1036

survey by tickticktmr

How many...

How many times have you skipped class? I skipped one day a year back in high school, and that cut was always for this day-long event that the school would arrange to serve as a break from academic classes; for example, for those days we had like themed classes like knitting and it was also usually a themed costume day. I didn’t see the point in it, so I always skipped.

I cut a lot of classes in college that it’s impossible to count because, welp, it’s college lol.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Hundreds.

How many years have you known your second closest friend? 10 years.

How many alarm clocks are in the house? We don’t have any alarm clocks, but we have alarms built into our phones. If those count, then we have five.

How many people have you argued with?  I don’t think I can count this. I’ve had arguments with various people ranging from mild bickering to full-blown fights.

How many times have you watched your favorite movie? I watched it every day for a certain period several years ago and I go back to it at least once every year. It’s probably been a little more than a hundred times.

How many people do you live with? Four, my parents and two siblings.

How many pairs of boots do you own? Zero.

How many people have told you they're in love with you? Just the one.

How many times have you cried over the opposite sex? A handful, but all have been in the non-romantic sense. I used to cry all the time when we’d drop my dad off at the airport, and I’ve cried over my grandpa’s and Nacho’s death as well.

How many people have been in your house at one time? Do you mean what’s the most number of people that’s stayed at our house at one given time? Not sure...maybe it was the time the entire executive board of my org came over for a meeting before the official start of the sem? It was only a little over 10 people, but then again my mom doesn’t appreciate too many visitors.

How many stuffed animals are in your room? There are a couple of plushies, but not anything bigger than that.

How many cellphones have you went through? Tons. I was my parents’ nightmare. I’ve gone through 8 so far.

How many pets do you have? We have two living ones, both dogs.

What would you do if...

What would you do if you could never listen to music again? I’d be really distraught over never being able to listen to my favorites anymore. Even if I don’t really listen to music when I’m depressed, i.e. now, I still like having the option to tune in when I feel like it. So even if it won’t be the end of the world, I’d still feel pretty damn lonely.

What would you do if your current bf/gf cheated on you? I don’t have one anymore but I’d be really puzzled and be betrayed if she had, given how much she hates cheaters and the act of cheating.

What would you do if you could never wear jeans again? Rejoice for the most part, but also be sad over mom jeans because they’re the only comfy kind of jeans and that’s the one type I genuinely enjoy wearing.

What would you do if your dad became president? Expect him to tap me for help almost immediately. I think he’d make a good leader considering he’s already one at his work, at least a far better one than my mom ever could be.

What would you do if you lost your most important possession? Right now that’s my laptop. If I lost that, I’d mostly be scared of the possibility of my parents whooping my ass; but at the same time my company just gave me a company laptop anyway so it’ll be easy to start over.

What would you do if your house burned down? Stop taking this survey, obviously. Then I’d grab my phone and Kimi, since he’s here with me in my room.

What would you do if your best friend didn't want to be friends anymore? I’d be devastated and start thinking if I’m the problem.

What would you do if you had to move do a different state/province? Thank fuck. I’d be relieved to have the chance to start from scratch, and I’d be all for it.

What would you do if someone shaved your head? Be furious, especially if they did it while I was asleep or otherwise unaware.

What would you do if Jesus came to your front door? Think that it’s probably an act and ask them to leave.

What would you do if your house was robbed? Check if my parents, sister, and dogs are unharmed.

What would you do if your sister/brother got married? Puzzled because 1) they are both single, 2) we are still in a pandemic and why would either of them want to get married right now, and 3) they are 20 and 17.

What would you do if dogs became extinct? Idk, be upset.

What would you do if the last person you kissed proposed to you? I’d be conflicted and a mix of emotions. I’m not sure I would take it well now, even if that’s all I wanted in the end.

Have you ever...

Have you ever broke a body part? I’ve mildly sprained an ankle, but I’ve never broken a bone or had an organ severely malfunction.

Have you ever broke someone else's body part? I don’t think so. 

Have you ever changed for a guy/girl? I’ve adjusted a lot. Idk about change.

Tried to jump on a celebrity but been stopped by the security guards? Kind of? Greyson Chance walked into the mall right when I was exiting and my first instinct as a 14/15 year old was to grab my phone and start taking photos, even though I wasn’t even a fan and could not name any song of his and was just excited to see a Hollywood person in such a mundane circumstance lol. But it wasn’t the smartest move, obviously. I got to be a little too close just because we were crossing paths; I wasn’t trying to be near him, but that’s what his bodyguard interpreted so he asked me to back off.

Have you ever complained about the last person you spoke to? I don’t think there was ever anything to complain about Hans. We’ve always been on amazing terms and he’s one of the funniest people I know.

Have you ever cried on your mom's shoulder? As an infant.

Have you ever dialed 911 as a prank? No. I’m not a jerk.

Have you ever won a talent show? I don’t have anything to show off, so I never joined those.

Have you ever spilled a drink on a expensive electronic item and ruined it? Nah. As clumsy as I can be, I’m always careful with liquids and gadgets.

Have you ever fainted when someone told you shocking news? Nope. I’ve only fainted because I was extremely hungry.

Have you ever swooned over the Jonas Brothers? In 4th grade. I still like them, but I haven’t swooned over them in a while.

Have you ever bought a piece of makeup that cost over $100? No, I don’t buy makeup period.

Have you ever been cheated on by someone who claimed to love you? I haven’t.

Have you ever got food free because the waiter thought you were hot? No, and ew.

Do you...

Do you have someone who will always be there for you? Yeah, I’m lucky I have friends who remind me all the time.

Do you have a membership at a gym? No, was never interested.

Do you act dumb to get guys/girls to like you? No. Hasn’t this been debunked a million times?

Do you know anyone who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day? Possibly more, yes.

Do you follow the rules? As much as possible, yeah.

Do you have a friend who secretly really annoys you? Eh, kind of, but I don’t count her as a friend per se.

Do you always have Pepsi at your house? I don’t think my parents buy Pepsi whenever they get softdrinks. I’ve only ever seen Coca-Cola bottles.

Do you flirt with anything that moves? No.

Do you watch Sponge Bob? I watched it regularly as a kid; as an adult, I’ll watch the older episodes from time to time.

Do you count sheep when you can't sleep? No.

Do you sweat easily? Nah. I’ve been told I rarely look like I sweat, actually.

Do you like pineapple? Not at all.

Do you refuse to wear something that's out of style? If it’s something that’s recently gone out of style, like culottes, then yeah. But if you mean like 90s stuff like fanny packs and mom jeans, I believe those things are back in style all over again.

Do you type 'u' or 'you'? I type both, depending on what I feel like using and who I’m talking to.

What is...

What is your best friend's name? Angela. Maybe Gabie? But mainly Angela.

What is your first girlfriend/boyfriend's name? See second name above.

What is your neighbour's name? I have no clue what any of their names are other than the director who lives two houses away; his name is Mac.

What is your least favorite swear word? Faggot.

What is the best and most romantic way to propose to someone? I think it will always be different per couple, and if a given couple wants a romantic proposal in the first place.

What is something that always makes you laugh? The show Friends.

What is the name of your hometown? That’ll stay a secret.

What is the most gentle way to turn someone down? Idk...haven’t really had to do this before, and the one time I did wasn’t the nicest way.

What is the ugliest girl name? 1) Can’t think of any, and 2) that’s just mean.

What is the most boring thing to do? Technically, waiting. Especially if it’s for something mundane, like lining up for a government service.

What is the funnest kind of question to answer? On surveys? I appreciate random questions the most.

What is the most useless thing you know? I’ve read a lot of ‘useless’ trivia on Reddit that I’ll probably never have to use or bring up in this lifetime.

What is your favorite pair of pants? My mom jeans, which I always mention when asked this.

What is the best flavour of ice cream? I personally root for cookies and cream.

[queencamden]

The Dead Queens Club Ghost Headcannons!

I’m pretty sure only, like, two of you actually want this but here goes!

-Katie’s ghost is constantly soaking wet, as a result of her having died in the river. She’s also always cold, which works because Anna is on fire.

- Literally. Anna’s skirt has permanent flames on it (George is only mildly scorched- I’m going with he fell from the roof and she caught fire a bit before she did too. Because historically Anne Boleyn was almost burned at the stake before her sentence was commuted.) It works to warm Katie up, but sometimes Katie’s water temporarily puts it out.

-George first found out he was dead when he tried to comfort Parker after the explosion but she couldn’t see him.

-Anna found out when she tried to slap Henry and her hand went through him.

-Anna’s very bitter about the concept of death, and the fact that she peaked at sixteen.

-Katie was initially very scared of the whole thing, because no one could hear her. She’s gotten used to it now, but when she first died she spent the better part of an hour calling to Parker and Cleveland.

-Anna desperately wants to be a poltergeist. She’s just got all this anger and nowhere to go with it. She also really wants to be noticed again. Poltergeisting is very hard, but Anna is an ambitious go-getter so she just THROWS herself into it.

-Katie is the materializing Queen. She’s such an emotional person that she manifests quite easily.

-Anna’s really jealous. The only person she can materialize in front of is Amelie, who just straight up does not give a shit.

- Anna once launched a printer at Norfolk.

-Anna and George had a falling out early on as ghosts, because it was Anna who knocked that wall (I think it was a wall) onto Parker’s back and gave her the scar. Not intentionally of course. She was just trying to get her OUT OF THE BURNING BUILDING by blocking her path but things got messy.

-They made up when their parents were run out of town because they were both devastated. (That was when Anna threw the printer)

-Anna’s just been casually haunting Cleves for like, a year, partly because that’s her house, and also partly because “her dad’s in Germany and poltergeist’s a German word idk”

-That scene in the lakehouse when Henry and Cleves make out while they’re wearing Anna and George’s clothes? Anna was there.

-Sometimes they head down to the lakehouse together, because their rooms are still in order and it feels like they’re alive again.

-All three of them panicked when their rooms got cleared out. With Anna and George it was a long process. Their parents wanted to hold onto them, and the ghosts almost convinced themselves their rooms would just stay up.

-George tried to chase their parents car when they left.

-By contrast, Norfolk got rid of Katie’s room almost immediately, which left her in a weird lurch, as she hadn’t yet figured out ghosts don’t sleep.

-She usually climbs through Cleves’ window and invisibly snuggles her (Cleves doesn’t notice, but does wonder why she’s suddenly sweating so much there’s water stains on the sheets)

-She once tried that for Tom, (with less snuggling) but she accidentally materialized and it freaked him out so much he left the school.

-One time when Anna was practicing materializing in the country club a security guard saw her and straight up fainted (a reference to the Victorian story about Anne Boleyn’s ghost making guards at the Tower of London faint on duty)

-Historically, Anne Boleyn also haunts Hever, her childhood home, and Blickling, her birthplace, which is why she primarily haunts Cleves’ house and the lakehouse (which I guess makes that her birthplace now? Maybe the Boleyns went for a water birth)

-Apparently at Blickling she comes with a hoarde of demons who chase her father around for betraying her, but since Thomas Boleyn in DQC (and probably historical Thomas Boleyn too) is actually pretty okay, and also not dead she just. Doesn’t do that. Some tourists see the fire off her dress and think it’s demons.

-Which also led to people thinking the lakehouse was possessed by a Satanic cult for a while (by people, I mean Eustace and maybe Cleveland looking for newspaper stories)

-George has managed to gain possession of things long enough to ride his Vespa once again.

-It is.... a strange sight, especially since he is still completely invisible.

-Anna can conjure fireballs (another part of the whole demon thing) and for the entire summer after her death, she planned on torching Henry at end of the road (not to kill him- God knows there’s enough rumors about that- just freak him out a little)

-But then when she goes to do it she sees him lunge at Katie to push her off the drainpipe and loses her focus. It’s also raining, so her fire keeps going out. She can only watch helplessly as Katie disappears over the edge.

-It’s a thing in a lot of old mythologies that drowned souls stay trapped in the ocean forever, so Anna and George jump into the river and save her, very dramatically. Extra as possible, Mission Impossible style.

-George spent an entire day mildly inconveniencing Eustace and Henry for fun.

-Anna somehow got Guitar Guy’s adress and absolutely FUCKED. SHIT. UP. No one is clear exactly what she did, least of all Katie (or me) All that is truly known is it involved fireballs.

-Anna keeps trying to leave Cleves, the only other person who knows about Guitar Guy, a message telling her to do the same, but sending messages as a ghost is HARD.

-Anna locked Cleves’ car door when she was in the forest with Henry, in an attempt to keep it away from her. The sound of him unlocking it freaked Cleves out more, leading to her punching him. Anna was very much okay with that.

-Katie doesn’t really like being a ghost, but she’s also scared to move on. She knows if she does she won’t see her friends again, and more than anything she just wishes she could go back to school and live her life.

-Anna’s scared for another reason. After the Lina fiasco many people (football guy Cromwell, Eustace, Hans, Maggie, possibly Lina herself) told her to go to Hell. She knows it was a figure of speech, but it still makes her worry a little bit.

-At other times she is VERY confident in her innocence. After all, she got murdered. That wasn’t her fault.

-George wishes he could communicate with their parents and Parker, and finds the fact that he is bound to the city frustrating. He wants to see the world, and now he can’t.

-Mary went to the lakehouse once, to find closure. Anna decided materializing with all the fire was probably a bad idea, but she and George tried to move some things around to show her they were there.

-They think it worked. They hope she noticed. They hope she told their parents. They hope their families know.

-Katie feels bad for cheating on Henry and Anna and George are all “Okay, well normally I’d agree but considering murder is a thing that’s happening at this school cheating’s not really as big of a priority right now”.

-George claims he’s been to the afterlife waiting room and met Beetlejuice. The girls assume he’s joking but sometimes he just pops off and nobody knows where he went. Plus, he’s got strangely specific details of the whole thing.

-Basically George knows all kinds of advanced ghost shit, but can’t do really simple things. For instance:

-George is really bad at materializing. Like very bad. Which is unfortunate because he really wants to help out Parker.

-Katie tried to help him once and is now Parker’s sleep paralysis demon, so that’s nice.

-The girls keep materializing to Parker at night and talking to her, even if she thinks she’s dreaming. Katie tells her about how George is doing, and Anna tries to convince her to do something about Henry. (I.e, she snarks. A lot)

-Katie gets really bad flashbacks where she goes back to just before her death.

- During a few of these she materializes in Hampton Court (the cafeteria). Luckily no one is there, but Parker saw her once and th: rumors spread (that line where Cleveland talks about Katie haunting the cafeteria is literal- she just doesn’t know it.)

-Katie is very happy that Cleves is standing up for her, but also feels kind of betrayed and scared by the fact that she still listens to Henry.

-That time when Cleves and Henry almost have sex and she hears Katie’s voice? That was because Katie panicked seeing them together thinking Henry was going to kill her too.

-That night, fueled by the possibility of someone else dying, Anna gains control of her poltergeist powers and finally writes a message on Parker’s wall. Tell her the truth.

- Parker sees it and knows she has to tell Cleves about Henry.

-And thus Operation Desdemona is achieved.

-You know that bit at the end where Parker days she promised George she would kill Henry or something like that? She did. Literally.

-Well not really. George can’t materialize still, so really she was speaking to Anna, who was speaking for George.

-It was something like “I’ll kill him George. I’ll avenge you.” “George says that sounds great.” “Holy shit Anna, no I didn’t. My girlfriend’s not KILLING anyone!”

-After they are avenged and Anna’s name cleared, they’re ready to move on to the afterlife.

-They chill with the Queens a bit as they paint the wall. Katie gets into the radio waves to play her phone’s theme song.

-Before he goes George figures out how to materialize, and finally manages to say goodbye to Parker.

-The two of them talk in Cleves’ attic for ages, in their old blanket fort, long after Anna and Katie are gone.

-Except not really. Anna waits for George because she doesn’t want to go alone (and maybe Katie waits too, and they all go together)

-Their afterlife’s pretty great.

-In ten years they look down on the world and watch the Queens meeting up at Homecoming, like Katie had wanted them to.

-They’ve gotten a lot better at materializing.

-The three of them show up, and talk to the Queens for a while.

-The Queens are initially very freaked out by all this, except for Parker, who’s mainly just glad she’s not crazy.

-Cleveland does not understand how, she, a reporter, could not have noticed her house was haunted.And why didn’t Parker tell her? That would have made an amazing story

- She complains about this, often and loudly.

-When she gets home she makes some quip to Amelie about the house of their teenage years being haunted and Amelie’s just like “Yeah, you didn’t know?”

-The goth phase had to come from somewhere.

[singingaboutwishingx]

Warning: Spoilers for S4E09 and S4E10 of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Hi, lovelies, and welcome back to Bianca Spills the Tea (now in italics!). Today I’ll be talking about the above episodes of CXG (TBH this is basically me live-tweeting these episodes because I’m watching them for the first time)

S4E09

- The boom dude in the theme song omg d y i n g

- I actually really like Skylar Astin’s portrayal of Greg! I was definitely on the fence about the casting decision when I first heard it bc I LOVED Santino Fontana, but Skylar has won me over

- SAUCEMERGENCY/TASTROPHE/POCALYPSE I’M DEAD 

- ^^^  If you haven’t figured out by now, I love callbacks

- Nathaniel is trying to be nice and I’m PROUD OF HIM (and he can still get it) 

- I love Rebecca’s lil braid during the date scene! It’s so cute!

- FRED ARMISEN YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE

- I’m just waiting for the small Nathaniel/Greg friendship to crash and burn and I fear that moment (White Josh is me and I am White Josh)

- WE SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW WE SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW

- Todrick Hall is KILLING IT YESSS

- Look, this whole Darryl vs. Bert thing, while understandable, is cringy. Both of you be adults and have a goddamn conversation (which I’m sure will happen at the end of the episode but I need it now)

- In the same vein, thank god for Paula’s Mom Yelling Voice

- Maya’s “confession” is ME AF AND HER BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL ABOUT RACHEL BLOOM AT THE TONY’S IS EVERYTHINGGGGG

- I love you, Elated Cat. I’m proud of you.

- When they both showed up at Rebecca’s house, I heard John Mulaney say “The other shoe just dropped.”

- HEY SEXY STRANGER I’LL BE RIGHT BACK I JUST FORGOT TO DO THE DISHES

- You know I didn’t know Megan Amram could sing but she’s good! Also any TGP writer has a special place in my heart

- JACK DOLGEN AS THE DOG LMAO

- You know, this show’s done a lot of weird things (the Textmergency song, the Santa Ana Winds, etc), but the cats take the cake. I just... don’t even know what to say about it other than that I love it a lot but it’s insane

S4E10

- Hebecca is such a cutie awww I love her!!

- But I hate her name. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Darryl, you should have taken them up on that 24 hour grace period to change her name.

- BABE AND MAMA COOKIE I’M CRYING REBECCA AND PAULA FRIENDSHIP I LOVE IT DSJDFHSJKALSJFKLSAS

- Even when she’s crying Hebby is adorable I love her and I would die for her

- And good for you, Greg. Talking about your feelings is v important so I’m glad you’re doing it 

- Have I mentioned that I love when this show breaks the fourth wall? Because I love when this show breaks the fourth wall

-^^^ in this case it’s Heather saying “I’ve never seen your living room before.”

- Also people calling their partners by their last name makes me w e a k (idk why but I just love it) so Nathaniel asking when “Bunch” was going to be here was everything

- Y’all I’m screaming Valencia said “If you ruin this, I’ll kill you and throw your corpse into a river.”

- I really don’t know how I feel about Rebecca and Greg getting back together (I’m sure she’ll have moments like this with Nathaniel and Josh, too, but... I have mixed feelings about all of it)

- I do know that she and Josh aren’t endgame, though. We’ve come too far for that

- I forgot for a while that I’m obsessed with Scott Michael Foster’s voice but... I’m obsessed with Scott Michael Foster’s voice (side note-- I just found out that his girlfriend is Penny Pann on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and idk I just thought that was cool)

- Throughout this entire series Rachel Bloom has gotten to make out with like five or six really hot guys and honestly? That’s the acting dream (I’m kidding I promise)

- HECTOR STANNING MINDY KALING IS ME (MINDY IF YOU’RE READING THIS ILY QUEEN)

- I knew as soon as Hector went into the kitchen by himself that there would be some sort of something with Valencia, but for just a tiny moment I thought (irrationally, of course) that Valencia would be hiding in the fridge when he opened it. I don’t even know where that came from

- Sweet, lovestruck Greg is my favorite Greg

- Everyone helping Josh to get that Fett Regoso pic... I live for friends supporting friends

- HERE for Rebecca accepting Hebby

- Oh, sweet Nathaniel. Don’t worry. Your two or three episodes will come.

- Overall, I loved these two episodes! They were sweet and hilarious and reminded me just how much Rebecca is growing. God, I’m so proud of her. I’m proud of all of them! So anyway, thank you so much for reading this. I know it was kind of long but I’m glad that there are some of you who enjoy my thoughts on various shows. Hope you all have a wonderful day! Bye!

[ultraspideysense-blog]

Thanksgiving (Tom Holland Smut)

request: “could u do a tom imagine where hes dating the reader and shes bi ? and when he first found out, he was like intimidated but then he finds it like sexy lol make him react how u think he would” (requested by anon)

short summary: you take tom home for thanksgiving and when the topic of past relationships comes up things get a bit :/

length: 3.9k words

warnings: tbh the smut’s just like at the end there’s lots of plot stuff and shit so

A/N: i lowkey didn’t know how to go about this, bc i didn’t want to write something that would come across as tom fetishizing the reader’s bisexuality bc i’m bi and i hate when i read stuff like that so anyway this was the result, idk if this is the direction u wanted but uh here we go

Your mom & sister had been hounding you for almost two months to come home and also bring your boyfriend so they could properly meet him for the first time. It’s not as if you didn’t want them to meet Tom, it’s just that he’s been busy and frankly so had you. And when the two of your schedules aligned with a break, dragging him back to your hometown wasn’t exactly your top priority.

But when Thanksgiving rolled around and your university had given you a break, you knew you had to go home. And once you’d mentioned it to Tom, he got excited to come with you since he’d have some time off between projects. Once you told your mom and sister, they were over the moon.

The two of you were currently standing outside of your childhood home, hand in hand. You’d been standing out in the cool autumn air for almost 10 minutes. You didn’t know whether you should just walk right in like you used to, using the spare key under the potted plant, or knock. 

“It’s your home, darling, just walk right in,” Tom said with a slight laugh, balancing the small pie the two of you had baked earlier in the day. You were almost dreading going inside, but you knew he was right. 

“I guess so,” you said with a sigh. You put your hand on the door knob, but hesitated yet again. “You’re sure you want to do this?” you asked him, for probably the millionth time.

“Of course, I have to meet the people responsible for creating you. We’ve been dating for almost 7 months, I feel weird having not ever met your parents or other family members before. It’s like you were hiding me,” he joked. You slapped his arm.

“You know I wasn’t hiding you, I was just saving you from being ripped apart by my crazy blood relatives,” you said with a grimace. With that, you opened the door, kicked off your shoes, and announced your arrival.

“Mom? Me and Tom are here!” you yelled as loud as you could. You first heard the sound of paws against the hardwood floors, and your pug came into the room excitedly, almost tripping over his own adorable, stubby feet.

“Bucky!” you yelled with a smile on your face. You got on your knees and opened your arms for him to jump into, but he instead went straight for Tom, almost knocking the cherry pie he was holding out his hands. You frowned as he showered your boyfriend’s face with appreciative licks.

“How is it that my own dog is more excited to see you than me? He’s never even met you,” you inquired out loud. Tom just gave you a smirk.

“What can I say? I’m Spider-Man. Spider-Man can do anything, including charming dogs.” he said cockily as Bucky retreated and ran towards the kitchen. You rolled your eyes.

“Y/N? Is that you?” your mother called from close by. Moments later she came into view with a bright grin on her face. “Finally, you’ve come home!” she quickly embraced you in a hug before taking a look at Tom. “And you must be the boyfriend my daughter has been hiding from us!”

Tom laughed charmingly with your mother at your own expense. You glared at them both. “It’s such a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Y/L/N, I’m Tom.” he said with an infectious smile.

Your mom gave you an approving nod as he looked him up and down, stopping at the pie in his hands. “Such a sweetheart,” she commented appreciatively. “Welcome, Tom, and thank you for this delicious smelling pie!”

“It was no trouble at all, Y/N and I whipped it up together, it’s my grandmother’s recipe actually. We only use it for special occasions.”

“Well I cannot wait to taste it,” your mom said, positively beaming at the creation. “The rest of the family is outside in the back with the food, we’ll start eating in the next hour or so,” your mom explained momentarily. She made her way out back while you hesitated for a moment.

Sounds of laughter and merriment continuously emanated from the back of the house. You interlocked Tom’s hand in yours.

“Time to meet the family,” you muttered. Tom gave your hand a reassuring squeeze and kissed your knuckles.

“Shouldn’t I be dreading this more than you?” he asked teasingly. You shook your head.

But you had absolutely nothing to be worried about. Tom charmed everyone he met, including your grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts, and anyone who had a conversation with him that afternoon.

It was almost as if there was nothing to dislike about Tom, and he knew how to interact with every type of person to make them love him almost as much as you did. He was able to entertain all your little cousins but keep up with the banter of your older relatives. Your dog, Bucky, was constantly by his side almost everywhere he went. Throughout dinner he managed to fit in as if he had been part of the family for ages, and you couldn’t have been happier.

By the time you made it to dessert, everyone was lingering in different places of the yard, various conversations flowing. You and Tom were sitting on the porch swing talking to your sister while eating your respective slices of cherry pie.

“This pie is fantastic,” your sister said, shock painting her features. “Did Y/N help bake this because she is a literal mess in the kitchen,” your slightly younger sister asked Tom. The two of them laughed at your expense, a trending theme that seemed to be overtaking the evening.

“Shut up, Y/S/N, you’re the one who almost burned the kitchen down last year.” That shut her right up.

“She really did help, and she was very cute while focusing on the measurements to make sure it was perfect, if I do say so myself,” he said, giving you an adoring look. Your sister awed.

“I literally haven’t seen Y/N this happy since she was dating Fiona,” she mentioned off handedly. Your head snapped up, you trying to silently tell your sister to stop talking.

“Fiona?” Tom asked curiously, cocking his head at your sister. She nodded and kept talking, completely ignoring your look of distress. 

“Yeah they dated for like a year and a half in high school, completely inseparable. It was gross how much they loved each other but at the same time any normal person would be jealous of the type of relationship they shared.”

At this point Tom was merely poking at his pie, no longer having the appetite to eat it. Your sister didn’t seem to notice and continued to fill him in on your past relationship.

“It was a pretty big shock when Y/N broke up with her, I remember our mom was actually crying for like a week because we all loved her around here so much. And to this day I still don’t know why they even broke up,” she finished.

“I think I need to go the bathroom,” Tom got out after a few moments of silence. He carefully placed his unfinished pie on the table next to the table and hurried into the house.

“Tom,” you sighed exasperatedly as he quickly excused himself and went inside. You gave your sister a pointed glare.

“Did he not know that you’re bi?” she asked, confusion painting her features. You ignored her, then hurried after your boyfriend to follow him inside. She merely gave you a shrug, but you were already long gone by the time she did.

“Please, wait, Tom,” you called after him as you made it into the house. It was very quiet considering the rest of your family was out in the backyard enjoying some desserts after the fulfilling Thanksgiving meal. “Just wait a second!”

He continued to ignore you as he wandered into the kitchen, realizing he didn’t know where anything else in your house was. “I’m just going to the bathroom, Y/N,” he said unconvincingly. You saw right through his lie.

Before you could call him out, he picked a hall to walk down and opened the first door he came to. It wasn’t the bathroom, but a hallway closet where your mom kept extra blankets and coats. As he moved to close the door, you dragged him and yourself inside and closed the door. 

“Would you just tell me what’s wrong?” you asked softly, taking a seat on the floor. Tom sat down next to you and let out a sigh.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask your girlfriend that your family seems to adore. Maybe you should be dating her instead of me if you loved her so much and your family still loves her so much,” he ranted while giving you a look of discontent.

“Loved. As in past tense! As in she and I have been done for ages. She’s just a past girlfriend,” you fired back. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Tom it’s not a contest,” you said with annoyance. “I dated her my senior year of high school and we haven’t even talked since graduation, which by the way was two years ago. God, you’re literally jealous of a relationship that doesn’t even exist anymore, why do you always do this?” you ranted. He had been the same way when he heard about the boyfriend you had during your first year of college, it’d taken you 3 days to get him to calm down, his insecurities getting the better of him.

“Damn it, I know that, Y/N, but I just...I’ve never really done this before, okay? This my first real...serious relationship,” he mumbled quietly. A moment of silence fell over the room, the only sounds being the faint music from the backyard permeating the walls of the closet.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever loved, romantically. Well, er, love. Present tense,” he clarified awkwardly, looking at the wall in front of the two of you. You’d never seen Tom this vulnerable before, looking almost...ashamed. 

Here you were, thinking that he was being a prick about you dating a girl, but he was just nervous. It was glaringly clear now you’d been in more relationships than he had, but it never really seemed that way based on how he carried himself and acted. You put both of your hands on his cheeks and looked him in the eye.

“I love you Tom. And only you. And no girl or guy I may have dated in the past is going to change that. Okay?”

“Okay.” he replied meekly, a small blush on his cheeks. The two of you fell into another bout of silence, but more comfortable this time. After a few minutes, Tom spoke up again.

“Maybe okay will be our always,” he said with a small smug look on his face. You slapped him in the arm and glared at him.

“Okay, Augustus Waters, no need to get all fake deep on me here.”

“You know you love it,” he said teasingly, giving you a messy kiss on the cheek. You shrugged him off and wiped your cheek.

“I absolutely do not,” you said, trying to hold a serious expression on your face. Two seconds later you were a giggling mess, and Tom joined you. As your laughs subsided, you put your head on his shoulder. He pulled you closer, humming in content as one of his hands wrapped around your waist, the other around your inner part of your thigh.

“I love you,” Tom said softly, starting to stroke your thigh excruciatingly slowly. You gave him a suspicious look as he pretended as if he didn’t know why you were making a face at him.

“I love you more,” you replied, kissing him softly on the column of his throat. You lifted your head to give him a soft kiss on the lips.

As you pulled away from the brief peck, he pulled you in again with his free hand for a deeper kiss. His mouth hungrily connected with yours, a renewed passion seeming to overtake both of your senses. Your mind began to spin as his tongue began to lap into your mouth.

His hand against your thigh began to move higher until he was stroking your heat through the fabric of your pants. You could feel yourself becoming breathless and particularly wet the longer he persisted, until you eventually had to break the kiss for air.

“Stand up, pretty girl,” he purred silently in your ear. You were deep in a trance and obeyed him, slowly moving your back up the wall until you were in a standing position. Tom smirked up at you as your flushed face looked down at him on his knees in front of you.

It felt like the temperature increased drastically in the tiny closest as your boyfriend began to slowly unbutton & unzip your jeans. His lip was caught between his teeth in concentration as his eyes darkened with lust at the sight of your lace underwear.

Your heart was pounding hard in your ears as he let out a shameless moan. “Did you wear these on purpose?” he asked mischievously. Your cheeks reddened as you avoided his question entirely. “It’s quite cute, but it’s gotta go. I want a taste of that pretty little pussy of yours, darling. Is that alright?”

You couldn’t bring yourself to form words as his fingers lightly traced over your core through the fabric of your underwear. You licked your lips and nodded slowly, but Tom gave you a chastising look.

“Words, honey, I need to hear you say it’s alright,” he said with a slight purr. 

“Please, Tom, I need you to taste me,” you said, barely containing the moan that spilled from your lips. He hummed appreciatively as he dragged your underwear down your legs.

“That’s what I love to hear. My beautiful girl wants me to ravish her with while her family’s practically close by, someone else could’ve wandered into the house right now. But what my girl wants, my girl gets,” he said.

You were practically dripping onto the carpet at this point, but Tom took the time to kiss up your thighs as your underwear hit the floor. 

“Did Fiona ever make you feel the way that I make you feel?” Tom asked, his voice vibrating mere inches from where you needed contact the most. His hands were gripping the skin of your ass as you reached down to entangle your fingers in his dark, curly hair. You were silent as you waited in anticipation for him to do something, anything.

“Did she, baby?” he drawled slowly, not moving his mouth as he waited for your response.

“No Tom, will you eat me out already?” you snapped impatiently. He had half a mind to do the opposite of what you wanted for your snappy tone, but he wanted it almost more than you did, so he dove right into your glorious pussy.

He began to work a steady rhythm, taking slow, bold licks from the back all the way to the front of your pussy. As he lazily worked on the shallow end, your grip on his hair tightened, causing him to tighten his grip on your ass. The two of you moaned simultaneously.

“Tom, I need more,” you almost squealed. You could feel him smirking against the lips of your pussy before he finally obliged.

“What my girl wants, my girl gets,” he stated simply before viciously attacking your clit with his tongue and teeth. He introduced two of his fingers into the mix, pumping in and out of you at a heavenly pace.

With each moan that erupted from his throat, a resounding wave of pleasure overtook your lower region. You could feel the vibrations against the walls of your pussy, adding to the almost unbearable bliss that you were already feeling. You didn’t even care that most of your relatives were nearby, you only cared about chasing your impending your release with the help of your boyfriend.

Tom began to make come hither motions with his fingers in your core while slowing the pace at which he was attacking your clit with his mouth. Everything felt heavier the slower he went, and you could feel the pit of your stomach tightening in anticipation and desperation, wanting to finally explode so you could feel the sweet relief of your orgasm.

“Is my beautiful girl ready to come?” he asked haughtily, removing his mouth from your pussy, which made a resounding popping noise. You whined at the momentary loss of contact.

“Please Tom, I can’t,” you stuttered slowly, “I need you and I need to come, now,” you begged. A slight spasm went through your core as you tried to hold in your orgasm until he gave you permission. “Please,” you begged, your voice cracking.

Tom looked up at you, his pupils blown out of proportion and your wetness was coating his mouth and chin. His hair looked wild, sprawled out in different directions thanks to your death grips. His appearance alone had you utterly wrecked. He took a moment to look you dead in the eye as he licked his lips, groaning at your sweet taste.

“Go ahead, baby, come for me,” he said before readily diving back in, his mouth attaching itself to your clit as he worked two of his fingers in and out of you at a divine pace.

Your world felt like it came shattering down, your orgasm ripping through every part of your body. You almost lost your balance and collapsed against the wall as you came in your boyfriends mouth. You could feel some of it running down your thighs as he did his best to lap it all up.

All you could hear were the sounds of your moans and the obscene noises of him slurping and lapping at your pussy. After your orgasm was spent, Tom didn’t stop, continuing to nip and suck at your clit with a renewed vigor.

You were still sensitive and started to see spots in your vision as he continued to work at your core, the pleasure feeling like it was too much.

“T-Tom, I-I,” you stammered out slowly. “I can’t handle another,” you finished with a gasp. He immediately removed his mouth, using his fingers to wipe at his face.

“Sorry, darling, I got a bit carried away,” he said sheepishly. He put his wet fingers in his mouth for a final taste of you, his eyes closing in bliss as he licked them clean. “I love how you taste.”

You blushed madly as you finally slid down from the wall, sitting on the floor next to Tom. You didn’t bother pulling up your panties and jeans, feeling too exhausted and sensitive to do anything at all.

Tom wrapped a protective arm around you as you leaned into him, focusing on the smell of his shirt for a few minutes. You heart rate seemed to return to normal, as did Tom’s. You could see him sporting half a hard on in his pants, but neither of you said or did anything about it.

“I’m bisexual Tom,” you blurted, a few minutes after the silent bliss that overtook the room. You didn’t know why it came out like that, but you just felt a need to voice it out loud.

“I know,” he said with a slight chuckle. “Did you think I’d have a problem with that?”

“You were upset about...Fiona. I just didn’t know if that was why or just the fact that I shared a meaningful connection with somebody else before I met you,” you explained softly. 

“I was just jealous at the way your sister was describing the two of you,” he said, embarrassment coating his features. “Like I said, you’re my first serious relationship, but I don’t have any problem with your sexuality. Nobody should,” he said while pulling you closer to him.

“Good, because if you had a problem with that I would’ve had to break up with you right now,” you deadpanned. You weren’t kidding either, and Tom sensed that.

“I love you, darling,” he said while giving you a kiss on the forehead. You hummed in content. 

“Y/N?” you heared a muffled call of your name in the hallway. Your head shot straight up as you scrambled to get up and adjust your lower region. Your panties and jeans were still pooled around your ankles and you almost tripped over yourself.

Tom put a hand over his mouth to restrain himself from laughing at your predicament. You would’ve punched him in the arm but you were too concerned with your mother not finding you in this compromising position.

“You’d better shut the fuck up Thomas,” you hissed as you ungracefully zipped up and buttoned your pants. Your mom’s footsteps were growing nearer and you managed to try to act natural before the door to the closet opened.

“What are you two doing in here?” she asked suspiciously, eyeing the both of you. Tom reverted back to his charming self as he stood up from the floor. 

“Y/N was just helping me look for a blanket, I was getting slightly chilly outside and she offered to help me find one,” he replied smoothly, not missing a beat. Your mom looked him up and down again before nodding.

“It is getting quite chilly out, I feel like it’s more wintery than fall like outside,” your mother commented. You nodded in agreement.

“Definitely true, maybe eating outside wasn’t exactly the best idea to do in the middle of fall, verging on winter,” you joked slightly. Your mom simply shrugged.

“Well, come back and join us after you find something to keep warm with,” she said as she began to walk away. She stopped momentarily, turning around to faec the two of you.

“And Tom,” she began, “we’ve really enjoyed having you here today. I do wish that Y/N had brought you around immediately after she let it slip to me that she had a boyfriend, but we’re glad you’re here now. And you’re always welcome in this household.”

Tom looked overjoyed to have your mother’s approval and gave her a warm hug, which she immediately accepted. It took everything in you not to awe at the display in front of you, your slight fantasy of Tom being welcomed into your family with open arms being fulfilled.

“Thank you Mrs. Y/L/N,” he stated appreciatively. She gave him a grin before rejoining the festivities in the backyard.

“See, this wasn’t so bad was it?” he asked, his face looking like he wanted to let out an I told you so. You played it cool and shrugged your shoulders.

“It was alright, I guess,” you said, picking at your fingernails. Tom put a finger under your chin to make you look at him directly, your faces mere inches from each other. Just as you thought he was about to plant a kiss on your lips, he spoke instead.

“I told you so,” he gloated quietly, his eyes closed to relish in the moment. You shoved him away from you and followed your mother’s path to rejoin the rest of your family outside. You didn’t wait for Tom to catch up with you, but you were secretly smiling. Even if he was a pompous ass sometimes, he was still yours. And you loved him immensely.

permanent tag list: @searvhing @curly-haired-crisp @werido-fangirl @dreaming-of-the-lost @nightviolet @sunshine-raee @bitsyb21 @naybeirao @thespidersman @themusicorthemisery @call-me-tears @ephemereal @spooder-tom @buckysbumpkin @pvnksy @urbanstrangersfanfics @o-brienwrites @vibraniumdoritos @villagecrazypeggy @tambouriner @artsysad @makapaka11 @gaiasambuci @turtlesareradaf @hollandsucker

what did u guys think!! pls let me know!! this is like the longest fic i’ve written i think wow lol but yeah!! if you wanna be on my permanent tag list shoot me an ask and i’ll add ya!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #121

“it’s the rich man’s war, but it’s the poor that fight.”

Does your refrigerator have an ice maker or do you use ice cube trays?  Trays. Have you ever been searched by the cops?  No. Do you draw your name in the sand at the beach? I never have just because... why? Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? No. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?  I'd rather sleep with Sara any night. Did your parents try to push you into a certain degree or career path?  No.  I was blessed with parents who seriously did encourage me to do what I wanted. What’s your favorite film genre? Horror. Would you ever dye your hair silver? It's on my to-do list. What color is your refrigerator?  Black. What was the last thing you sent in the mail?  My closure letter to Jason. What cuisine is your favorite restaurant?  Italian. Have you ever visited hot springs?  No, but I'd love to. Who was the last person/thing to lick you?  My dog. If you had the chance to live anywhere in Europe, where would it be?  Germany. Do you have a favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?  No, I never watched it. Do you like candy canes?  Yeah. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? Tampons.  Pads feel like bloody diapers. Have you ever visited someone in prison? No. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Sashimi. Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you’ve slept plenty? If I'm sad, stressed, or unbelievably bored, I sometimes will. Have you ever had casual sex? No, never would. Do you think it’s attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? I'm a sucker for that shit. Are you the kind of person who does not like talking about their past?  Nah, I'm open about the dark parts now. Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible?  Yeah, my brother had one. What size bed do you sleep on?  Queen. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school?  The same I do now, though I went through a more screamo phase. When was the last time you made out with somebody?  Years ago. What month of the year was your mother born?  August. Would you rather travel to Japan or Scotland?  SCOTLAND. Does your house have a porch/balcony?  We have a small front porch and a really big back one. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings?  Nicole that I know of, idk about Katie. Have there ever been any bushfires/wildfires in your area?  No, but we've been a few hours away from some that were so large the smoke traveled here. Do you think age matters in friendship? Nope.  One of my closest friends is in his early 30s. Do you enjoy clubs? If so, which club do you enjoy going to the most? I've never been to one and I'm really not interested in going.  I can just imagine it being too loud and crowded. Do you take good care of your skin? Apparently not considering it's dry as fuck. Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite?  Not currently.  I loved WoW, but I'm not paying for the subscription when I could spend money on better things. What have you done to your room to make it cozy? Fill it with personal things. What is your favorite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times):  Hm... candy canes. Are there any television shows you own in entirety on DVD or VHS?  "Meerkat Manor." How far away from your house is the nearest gas station? Like two minutes. Have you ever been to SeaWo​rld?​​  As a kid, yes.  I never would as an adult because I don't support it.  You can't keep whales in a damn pool. How long did your last relationship last?  If you're talking about the last one that ended, like four months. Last person you watched a movie with?  Sara. Have you ever touched a cow?  Maybe? Do you call the ice cream topping “jimmies” or “sprinkles”?  Sprinkles. Do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships?  No real opinion.  If you're not ready for engagement but know you will be one day, sure, give one if you mean it. Do you plan on dressing up for Halloween this year?  Hopefully. Have you ever been on a subway?  No. What do you usually buy for snacks when you go to the cinema? Popcorn and a soda. Look to your left and name five things you can see. Water bottle, medicine basket, Illidan poster, crashed ship lamp, and my Silent Hill 3 poster. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? Yes. Have you ever been on a boat?  Yep. Do you have or want any piercings? I have five, but I want my right nostril and collarbones pierced, plus loads more in my ears. Have you ever set foot in a tanning bed?  Nope, never will.  Skin cancer doesn't sound fun, nor does having to keep exposing myself to one to maintain a tan. Do you trust a lot of people? No. Do you have both a loud side and a quiet side? Yes. If you had to save one thing from your burning house, what would it be? Assuming Mom and Nicole are already out, my dog. What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them?  I don't know, haven't thought of it.  Guessing my family's there, in that case I'd want them to be "I love you so much." Can you sleep with the light on?  Only if I'm seriously tired. Would you ever have a bird as a pet?  Realistically, nah.  I wouldn't be able to handle to likely noise. Do you know someone who’s been cremated? Not to my knowledge. Do you like canopy beds? YESSSSS. What is your favorite animated movie? Probably "The Lion King." Have you ever been 'violated'?  I felt violated when Girt tried to make out with me when I in no way wanted it.  He for a second tried following me as I pulled away, and that's when I really felt violated. Have you ever put gum on the bottom of your desk/chair?  No, disgusting.  There's trashcans for a reason. Would you rather open a used clothing store or an antique store?  An antique store would be cool. Magenta, aqua, or coral?  Coral. Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer?  Honestly, nature, but for income's sake, I'm aiming to be a wedding photographer.  I'd love both, though. Have you ever had an ulcer?  No. Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school?  In kindergarten, I was running for the trashcan and threw up on the floor.  Whoops. What is your favorite type of donut? Cake and glazed. Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. Do you like avocado?  EW. What is your favorite kind of bear?  Pandas. If you have any piercings or tattoos, do you remember the name of the person who did them?  June Bugg did one of my tattoos.  I don't remember the others. Do you do that typical girl thing out in public where you have to have someone come into the bathroom with you? No, I'll go alone. What does your dad look like?  Super tan, black hair that's mostly gray by now, connected beard and mustache, brown eyes, tall. Do you like chicken soup? Not really. Do you like deviled eggs? NO EW. Do you keep your fingers on the home keys when you type?  Yes. What would you name your future son?  Probably Severin. When was the last time you used a regular telephone?  Been yeeeaaars.Do you like the moon or sun more?  The moon. Do you think dimples are ugly? Personally think they're real cute. Has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever stayed up with you all night? Not my current girlfriend, but an ex. Are you a paranoid person? Yup. Have you ever been in an inflatable bouncy house?  Yeah. Have you ever seen a nun in public?  No. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek?  Sara. Have you ever played in a waterfall?  No. What job would you NEVER take, even as a last resort?  Prostitution, for one. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant?  Sara. Have you used Limewire before? Ha ha yeah. Is the taste of alcohol appealing to you?  Noooo.  If I ever drink, it has to be fruity and cover the taste well. What’d you last look up on YouTube?  A KittyKatGaming video because I knew Mark was in it lmao. Would you ever get a tattoo sleeve?  FUCK YES I WOULD.  I'm already planning on dedicating my entire right arm to things that relate to my recovery, so I could kinda design it into a sleeve. Do you have appreciation for graffiti?  It can be gorgeous and super creative.  Personally don't mind graffiti if it's not vandalizing a public-public place and isn't offensive. If you could learn a superpower in exchange for your memory would you do it? Definitely not. Do you know any TV shows’ theme songs by heart? Which ones? "That '70s Show" and "Supernatural." Have you ever gotten stitches? Twice. What’s your favorite music video at the moment?  "Cool Patrol" by NSP will always be the answer to this. Your take on one-night stands? Are they okay?  It's a no from me. Have you ever had sex outside? No. Have you ever needed to call the police? No. How do you feel about kettle cooked chips?  Ew. What strange food combinations do you thoroughly enjoy? My dad loves waffles with peanut butter and syrup, so I tried it when I was young.  It's AMAZING. Would you considered yourself to be well-exposed to life or sheltered?  Too exposed. If you’re in a relationship, how long have you been dating?  Six months. Have you ever played the game Halo?  No. Have you ever had to learn lines for a play/skit/movie?  Not that I remember. Can any of your friends sing very well?  Sara has a gorgeous voice. Have you ever been attacked by an animal?  No. Who did you dance with last?  Colleen. Can you speak in different accents?  British. Has anyone ever aimed a gun at you?  No. Have you ever been through a natural disaster?  Hurricanes. Have you ever been in a parade?  No. Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language?  No. Have you ever owned a beanbag chair?  Maybe? Are you a fan of retro things?  YES. Have you ever used pastels? Yes. Who was the last person you flipped off? Probably Colleen or Chelsea playfully. Would you consider yourself to be loyal? Very. Who was the last person you shared a bed with? Sara. Do you know anyone who has been abused?  Yes. What is your brother’s name?  Robert/Bobby. Did you ever go to daycare as a kid?  VERY briefly.  One of the adults hit me simply for going into the wrong room. Have you ever experienced a medical emergency?  Yes, when I passed out and got a concussion plus a deep wound in my chin.  And when I overdosed. Do you know anyone who has been to prison?  I don't think so. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads?  Yes. How many burners does your stove have?  Four. When you go to a restaurant, do you prefer to sit at a booth or a table?  Booth. What’s something you think everyone should do/experience at least once in their life?  A different country.  Working towards that. What is the last compliment you received?  That my singing was pretty. /v\ Do you shower facing the water or away from it?  Away. Do you wash your body or hair first?  Hair. Do you put your name on your food coverings?  No. What is the most daring thing you’ve ever done?  Fly alone. Have you ever given to any charities?  Yes. What have you created that you are most proud of?  Some, imo, interesting OCs that I love like chilren. Who was your favorite Disney princess as a child?  Ariel. When did you do your first illegal activity?  When I was in middle school, downloading music. When did you lose your virginity?  I don't remember the age because at the time I didn't consider my virginity lost.  I'd guess 17-18. Do you like your boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents?  I LOVE THEM. Are you taller than your mom?  She's less than an inch taller than me. Where did you get your last bruise/cut from?  Bruise from working out on the floor, cut, idk. Is anyone over-protective over you?  Not really.  Mom's pretty protective, but not overly, I'd say. Have you ever had to call the cops on someone? No. Are your parents divorced?  Yes. Who do you think is the most attractive actor?  Johnny Depp. Are you good at wrapping presents?  NOOOOOO. Who were the last two boys to text you?  Dad and Girt. Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you?  Yep. Have you ever read the Hunger Games series?  I read the first book. Are your lips soft?  Everyone who's kissed me has told me so, yet I think they're dry as fuck?? Your thoughts of long distance relationship?  Being in one, they're definitely hard, but SO damn worth it for when you actually see the person.  I think it's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Do you drink regular or diet sodas?  Regular, diet gives me a headache.

[moonm0chi]

Years (m)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut

Warnings: some explicit language, 

Word Count: 7.2K

Summary:

Sometimes the timing is never right. So you grit your teeth and swallow your feelings whole. Sometimes fate has a funny way of working out.

A/N: Just started writing this one day b/c I needed fluffy Jimin in my life and had some romantic feels. Idk where this came from, like it kinda is quite a trip and a BL I read a while back inspired some parts lol. Enjoy the fluff, the heartbreak and the angst! 

You were 10 years old when he moved in next door to you. Nothing spectacular. Until you broke your leg and missed 2 weeks of school. That’s when you found out he was in your class.

He knocked on your door the shyest smile swept across his face. That day you learned his name was Jimin and it was that day you made the decision that his smile was one of your favorite things behind your ‘She’s the Man’ DVD and your cat, Lulu. Though you wouldn’t tell him, you didn’t want to seem uncool.

He started walking with you to school, even when you told him he was stupid because he’d be late. He didn’t care, he’d just say he was protecting you from breaking your other leg as well.

Even after you could walk rather than hobble, he’d accompany you to school. You thought it was just because you guys lived next to each other but one morning when you’d left 5 minutes earlier than him you found him sprinting to catch up to you.

You’d asked, “You don’t have to keep walking with me, my leg is fine now.”

You were shocked and both of you smiled big enough for your eyes to practically close when he said “Because you’re my friend.”

It was matter of fact and you liked that. That’s how your best friend became Park Jimin.

You were 13 years old when he asked you to the junior high dance. You were just going as friends but that didn’t stop you from blushing at the casual suggestion. Nor did it stop you from wearing make-up for the first time or getting your mom to curl your hair.

He bought you a corsage and held your hand when you guys walked into the gym that was decorated with cheesy balloon arches and an ‘Under the Sea’ theme. You had your first  slow dance ever with him, the both of you grinning like idiots. Both embarrassed and confused, not knowing what the hell you were doing.

His palms were just as sweaty as yours.

It was the first time you played spin-the-bottle at a classmate’s house. You had your first kiss.

His name Lucas and his breath smelled funny. You watched Jimin kiss a girl named April, her hair bright red and freckles kissing her face.

They held hands the rest of the night. You felt sick when Lucas tried to grab yours.

Jimin decided he’d walk April home.

You cried into your pillow and your chest hurt for the first time that night. You didn’t know why.  

14 years old and you’d started to make friends as you began high school. Jimin got a girlfriend.

On the first day of high school you waited for him so you could walk to the bus stop together.

His father told you he’d already started walking to meet his girlfriend.

He walked with you on the days he was fighting with his girlfriend. You remember being the happiest on those days. 

They started to increase until it was every day.

Jimin had broken up with his girlfriend.

Things were getting back to normal. You were hopeful things would return to the way it was, to you and your best friend Jimin against the world.

You drank for the first time when you were 16. Jimin had snuck a bottle of cheap rum into the old tree house you’d built when you were 11.

You hated the bitter taste and fought the urge to gag but the feeling waned. The cold, outside air felt nice against your flushed face.

You were laying down when you whispered, “Jimin, I miss you. 

Your mismatched class schedules and shifting social circles made it harder for you to hang out as much. Plus you weren’t keen on the blushing and heart palpitations that were becoming more frequent around him.

He didn’t miss a beat, “I miss you too.”

He held your hand. It was sweaty, but so was yours.

You found yourself sitting up to hug him. It was something that was also on your ‘favorite things’ list. His warm body, fluffy hair and you complained to him, “You’re getting too muscle-y you’re gonna crush me.”

His laugh was something you cherished, and you pulled back to watch his face scrunch into the smile you adored so much. You caught his eye as his laughter settled 

Both just staring, your heart out of control and eyes sneaking glances to his lips. He moved ever so slowly towards you. You eyes fluttered closed, before a gust of wind knocked the flashlight off the makeshift window sending you both into moonlit darkness.

He pulled back, startled by the noise.

You muttered a “Good night Jimin.” His weak protests only making you flee the scene faster.

You threw up that night, and your eyes burned from tears. Not entirely sure if they were from the alcohol.

You had prom when you were 17 years old. And maybe it’s because you’d started to fill out, look less like an awkward teenager that you found yourself wishfully thinking whenever Jimin fondly brushed up against you more frequently.

You ignore the feeling of it being anything more than friendly. You’d grown. He was your best friend and that’s where he’d stay in your heart.

But when your friend sneakily reveals that maybe he wanted to ask you to prom as more than a friend your naivety when it comes to Jimin let hope flourish inside of your chest.

It was a month before prom when he approached you. His face was dusted with the prettiest blush. Your chest swelled with excitement. You couldn’t hide your smile when he hugged you nonchalantly.

He stood in front of you, and you knew his nervous tics like the back of his hand. And right now he was nervous. He avoided your gaze, twiddled his fingers and bit his lip holding back his question.

“Y/N I wanted to ask you about prom…” He started, a timid smile playing on his lips at the topic.

You nodded excitedly, expectantly.

“Well, do you have a date? 

You shook your head, “No.”

He bit his lip, reluctance consuming him.

“Chim, spit it out before I kick you.” You practically yelled, excitement oozing out of you. You were ready to spit “yes” out before he even asked.

“Do..do you think you would...go to prom with Taehyung?” He asked clasping his hands together begging for your help.

You couldn’t hide your crestfallen face fast enough before Jimin was asking you what was wrong.

You sighed. You could tell him, no reason to be nervous, he was your best friend after all.

“Well...I’d thought that maybe you and I would go together.”

His face was upset. You berated yourself at your own stupidity, but you were also mad at him, you didn’t need his pity.

“Y/N..I-I already told Sarah I’d go with her. I didn’t have a date yet, if I’d kno-”

“Chim, stop. Really it’s okay.” You choked out, plastering on a fake smile so believable it even fooled your best friend.

You went to prom with Taehyung. You drank- a lot.

Jimin took care of you when you started to puke into the hotel toilet. He held your hair, ran his hands over your back, pressed a cold compress to your forehead.

“Are you feeling better?” He whispered kneeling beside your body which was pressed to the toilet.

You hummed in response.

“Listen, I wanted to talk to you. You and I shouldn’t have-” He’s interrupted by Sarah whining that she wanted to ‘hang out with her prom date’ .

You weakly smiled at him, guilt and bile building up in your raw throat at the thought of ruining his prom night. You wave him away. He grabbed your wrist and looked at you ‘are you sure?” are the unspoken words given between the two of you.

“Thank you for taking care of me, you’re the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for Chim. Go and enjoy your night, I’m fine.” You’d replied with an exhausted smile.

He smiled but it never reached his eyes- definitely on your list of least favorite things. “Yea what are  friends are for?”

Taehyung hung out with you in the bathroom the rest of the night. Sweet guy. But, he doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.

You found out that Sarah was trying to sleep with Jimin that night. Jimin let her.

This time you knew your tear stained face wasn’t from the alcohol.

You’re 18, graduation ensued and you tried hard to find fun in the last summer you’ll have before college.

You spent most of it with Jimin. Shocker.

There’s something more intimate about your friendship. There’s more skinship. You’re not complaining. He’s not seeing anyone (it didn’t last with Sarah, Jimin had already drunkenly admitted she was too obnoxious). You definitely had your hopes up. 

Every hug that lasted too long, every brush against your face to push your hair behind your ear. It all was messing with your head. His parents even made jokes that made you both go red. But it hurt, and as much as your hopes were high, your expectations were rock bottom low.

So you settled into being content with your friendship. Happy he was by your side. You wanted to enjoy your last summer together- he would be going to performing arts school while you went to the local college.

It had flown by and you were on your last week before bags would be packed and difficult goodbyes would begin. You were sitting with Jimin, the air slightly humid and passing a bottle of whiskey, that had been gifted to him as a graduation present from a friend, between the two of you.

“First kiss?” He pondered

You wretched exaggeratedly in disgust, “Lucas when we were 13, spin-the-bottle. God it was awful.”

He laughed at your dramatic portrayal of how you felt. Your mind wandered before you asked him your question, “Last kiss?”

He thought, bringing the bottle of whiskey to his lips. The remnants of his sip clung to his lips and you watched as he darted his tongue out to lick at them. You turned your attention to the bottle, which you quickly snatched from his loose grip before taking a swig to preoccupy your wandering mind.

“Sarah...at prom.” He shuddered at the memory.

You giggled, trying to hide your elation at the fact that it’d been over a year since he’d kissed anyone. 

He turned to you, “Speaking of prom, I never got to ask but did you and Tae ever…” His suggestive eyes finished where his sentence had trailed.

You practically choked on the gulp you’d just swallowed down. You blushed, thankful the setting sun hid your red face. 

You shook your head vigorously to make sure he got the point. You bit your lip and decided to disclose some details to him though, “We did make out with some heavy petting though.” You chuckled at the memory.

Tae was an old friend of Jimin’s and since he was homeschooled, your prom was the closest thing he would ever get to a real high school experience 

His eyes widened but then you watched his face settle into an expression that was almost unfamiliar to you. At least it’d never been directed towards you- annoyance. His jaw clenched, nostrils flared at the sharp inhale of breath he took. 

“Hm..” He studied you, “How was it?” Discretion thrown to the wind thanks to the liquid confidence.

You had nothing to lose so you told him the truth, “It was nice. He’s a good kisser and we cuddled afterwards. Plus, he was really sweet for staying with me while I hung around that toilet.” You laughed, the bitterness from the memory long since forgotten. 

Jimin didn’t share your same fondness over the memory.

“Would you date him?” The question caught you by surprise.

You pondered the suggestion and giggled at the thought, “I mean maybe if I found out we had more in common.”

Jimin’s patio chair screeched as he stood up. You followed, confused. He started walking away. You went to grab for his wrist but your slow reaction from the alcohol had you grabbing at the hem of his t-shirt

He swirled around and grabbed at your wrist. You flinched when you saw his face 

He looked bitter.

He scanned the floor, face softening to reveal the hurt he was feeling.

“-me?” He whispered.

“What did you say?” You leaned in closer. You didn’t want your mind playing tricks on you. This time he looked straight at you. 

“I said…. ‘Why not me?’” 

You just stared, eyes wide in shock.

His hand was sticky with sweat when he pressed it against your cheek. He couldn’t tell but so were yours.

He kissed you.

His lips were the softest, softer than your cat Lulu, softer than than your sheets after an exhausting day, and they tasted like cheap whiskey and something inherently sweet.

You kissed back.

You’d thought that it was the best night of your life. Once you retreated to the dingy treehouse, every so often you’d steal kisses, giggling at the feeling- the freedom of doing so as you pleased.

He was the best kiss you've ever had.

You fell asleep on his chest to the lull of his beating heart. You thought things were finally going right. It was your turn. Finally, the right place at the right time.

That following day was a blur, you just wanted to get home from your summer job so you could be with him. You wanted to be with him before he left. You ached to give him an answer to his question.

You had decided you’d tell him that you loved him. 

Except no one was home.

No one told you he was leaving earlier because he’d been accepted into the 2 week summer dance program the school offered before the start of the semester.

No one heard you cry that night, an ache in your chest. You knew why.

You were 19 when you realized that Taehyung went to school with you after he bumped into you on your way to the library.

He asked how Jimin was since he knew you two were close. You told him you hadn’t spoken in over a year. The sad smile on your face was enough for Tae to leave the topic alone.

4 months later you began dating Taehyung. He was a breath of fresh air. He made you laugh and although he was a constant reminder of Jimin, you swallowed your sadness, and instead basked in the boxy grin Taehyung would always give you when he flung his door open to you.

It was 2 months after that you slept with him. He worshipped your body. He was like waves in an ocean, that smell after it stormed, a warm blanket. But he was also lightening, as sly as a fox, that buzz in your chest after right before you dip over the edge of a roller coaster.

You could say that he helped build your confidence up after years of self-doubt. Years of wishing you were in somebody else’s shoes.

He’d hold and rock you, no questions asked when you’d cry. When sobbing wracked your body so violently you could barely breathe. 

He soothed you, and finally the crying subsided. Your heart feeling like seeds of, dare you say love, may one day be planted there again. 

It was spring break when he brought you to a recital, commenting on how a friend of his was in it. You didn’t even blink twice. You were dumb.

It wasn’t until the second half of the recital that you realized. He’d filled out, baby fat having melted to reveal solid thighs, a chiseled face, and abs that could be rivaled.

You swallowed thickly at his beauty, the fluidity of his dancing. It had been almost 2 years since you’d seen him. Since you’d spoken to him.

Taehyung thought he was being a good boyfriend when he thought about the surprise reconciliation.

You breathed a sigh of relief when the theatre lights in the performance center brightened. The tightness is your chest relaxing as you realized you’d soon be home.

Again, you were dumb.

Taehyung was most certainly not dragging you toward the exit but rather toward a small mob of people. They were waiting for the cast and crew and once you realized as they started to pour out of the door you held tighter to Tae’s hand.

He smiled down at you.

You didn’t notice, your eyes were darting over every face until everything was a blur.

You stopped.

His hair was a beautiful grey, the costume from his last performance still hugged him.

You let out a breath you hadn’t known you’d been holding.

You were almost angry at how beautiful he’d gotten. It was unfair. 

He cracked into your favorite smile when he saw Tae. Sending the old friend a wave.

He saw you. His smile fell.

Your throat felt tight when he flickered his eyes down to your hand, firmly locked in Taehyung’s. You had to resist the urge to pull it from his grip.

He walked over. He was good at faking smiles now. But it still didn’t reach his eyes.

It was nothing but small talk when he reached you. It made you sick at how this is what your friendship had come to.

You let Tae do most of the talking, giving a nod every once in awhile to still show you were engaged in the conversation.

You didn’t trust your voice.

Tae decided he’d get the coats that you’d both checked. You were left alone with the Jimin.

“When did you dye your hair?” You asked, the awkward silence unbearable.

“Maybe two months ago, the school always has me changing colors because of different showcases.” He replied letting out an uncomfortable laughter. 

Rather than forcing yourself to endure such unfortunate circumstances you smiled curtly and mumbled and ‘excuse me’ to go and find Tae.

He lurched out and grabbed your wrist. You spun around to face him and pulled your hand out of his hold so fast you you almost stumbled backward 

He flinched at your reaction, looking like a kicked puppy.

“Don’t...” You said half frustrated, half begging.

“When did you start dating Taehyung?”

“About 6 months ago.” You whispered

You looked at him and your eyes slid down his neck, patches of uneven concealer noticeable in the corridor lighting. They were covering hickeys. Your anger flared.

“Y/N listen I wanted to talk, to apologize...” He said.

You scoffed, “After 2 years? What exactly are you apologizing for? Whatever it is-” 

You sighed, disheartened, “ I..I’m happy now Jimin. Tae is making me so happy and I...love him.” You choked out the last part. 

It wasn’t true but you wanted to hurt Jimin as deeply as he had hurt you. They were words you only desired to say to one person ever in your entire life and they were trying to apologize to you right now. The words had been choked down for so many years you weren’t even sure they’d come out if the opportunity ever came. 

You succeeded and almost felt guilty. 

You spun on your heal. He grabbed your waist this time and whispered in your ear. His voice, low and silky, hints of pleading in his voice, washed over your ear. You shivered under his touch.

“I want you.” He stated.

You rolled your eyes and played it off even though you were sure your heart could’ve been medically proven to have stopped. Reluctantly pried his hands from your waist. Turning around to face him again you pointed at the hickeys, “Clearly you have someone else who wants you. Wouldn’t want to ruin a good thing.”

“Y/N it’s not an-”

You cut him off.

“Could’ve never been me.” You spat viciously. Only reveling in the hurt look on his face for a moment before you walked away.

He didn’t chase after you this time.

When you were 20 he weaseled his way back into your life through the form of Taehyung. Tae couldn’t ignore his long term friend. So he’d often invite him places.

You often felt like the third wheel. You refused to give Jimin anything but curt replies. As little syllables as possible.

He was eventually successful in weaseling his way back into your heart. ‘You an I against the world, like old times’ he’d say while wrapping his arm around your shoulder. You hated it. Especially the way your pulse would jump.

At 21 you’d broken up with Taehyung. It was on amicable terms after you’d both decided that this wasn’t going to end in marriage.

He moved out.

It took you until you were 22 to find a new roommate. Or rather, it took you until 22 for Jimin to convince you to let him be your new roommate.

You hated it.

But you agreed. Because you’re fucking stupid.

You gave yourself a pep talk every morning that you could endure living in the house with him.

You were successful in quenching your feelings through exercise, work and your self-deprecating sense of humor.

You slipped up.

By accident, you’d gotten yourself into a mess.

He’d dragged himself onto the couch after practicing with his dance troupe all day, “With my schedule I’m never going to get a girlfriend...or get laid. I’m always too tired to go out.” He whined and groaned about his “unfortunate circumstances”.

You’d had enough, “Why don’t you find someone to be like ‘friends with benefits’ with? It’s like someone you can booty call whenever you need.”

It was silent. You went back to watching the variety show that was blaring on the TV.

“What about you?”

You hadn’t caught on to the context of the question, “What about me?"

Another pause. 

“Would you be my ‘friend’?”

“Jimin, I don’t really get wh-” it clicked.

Your eyes widened, practically popped right out of your head.

You chewed the inside of your cheek anxiously. Didn’t know if you wanted this. Everything that’d finally come together- the friendship that had finally been mended- could crumble if you said ‘yes’.

“Jimin...I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” You said

“Please Y/N, plus you haven’t gotten laid since Taehyung I’m assuming with the amount of time you spend in here, on this couch, and that was like 4 months ago. We’ll both benefit from this.” His puppy dog eyes were working hard to convince you.

He pressed a chaste kiss to your lips and that alone was enough to make you say ‘yes’.

You played it off, rolled your eyes and accepted, “Fine.”

You pulled him in for a kiss, reveling in the sweet taste you’d missed so much. The taste that had haunted your mind whenever you kissed another boy and expected it.

You slept with him on a Tuesday night for the first time. You laid next to him after. His naked body pressed to your back. You watched the snow outside begin to fall.

You didn’t fall asleep for another few hours. Terrified that if you closed your eyes he’d be gone. His skin was finally on yours, something you’d wanted for so long.

It wasn’t how you wanted, but you’d settle.

This would have to be good enough.

It was good enough until evidently, it wasn’t.

His troupe was relaxing, giving the dancers some much needed time off. You wanted to spend time with him. He wanted to spend time out. 

Like poison seeping into your bloodstream agonizingly slow, he stopped touching you.

The distance separating you slowly, was tangible- like quicksand- the more you tried to fix things, the harder you struggled, the farther you sunk- farther away from him. 

You came home one night and regretted it. You actually regretted coming back to your own house. Imagine that. 

The moans had you nauseous. Hers more than his.

You sat on the couch, a book in your hand to try and preoccupy your shaking hands.

You weren’t quite sure how long you were on the couch before the door creaked open and a girl you could care less about sauntered from Jimin’s room. She jumped slightly at your dark figure on the couch.

She fixed her rumpled dress, disheveled hair and blooming hickeys enough to share the story of what happened in the bedroom. She moved towards the door before turning to you with a sweet smile, “Do you think I could have a glass of water.”

You looked at her, not a flicker one emotion behind your eyes.

“No. Bye.” You stood up and opened the door, clutching the doorknob with a vise grip.Your smile was thin and tight. She needed to leave and you needed to be alone to wallow in your self pity.

She nodded, but continued to study your appearance while she slipped her shoes on and teetered toward the door in her platforms. Her eyes were warm. She looked older than you and she had this warm and wise smile on her face. You’re still unsure if the remark she she made while she slipped past you was supposed to be heard.

“Well...now I understand where he gets his taste from.”

You eyes grew big and you were speechless from the off-hand comment. You closed the door, back pressed firmly it before you slumped to the floor. You clutched your shirt- you never knew a heart could hurt this much. You felt your nails dig into the soft flesh around your chest, wishing you could rip your heart out because that’d be less painful than the ache in it right now.

You pinched your lips together, unsure if Jimin had fallen asleep yet, determined to not wake him up with your crying. You were shaking, hunched over, head falling in your hands and tears rolling down your cheeks silently. . 

But then you inhaled deeply and it was like a tsunami once you opened your mouth. You couldn't hold back the sobs that wracked your body, making you double over. You were heartbroken and so angry at how pathetic you felt. 

You had done so well, you’d been fine with just being friends and then his hands touched you and nothing else mattered. And you were always in the wrong place at the wrong time, your chance always obliterated. And it’s like the taste wasn’t enough anymore, but you were so angry at yourself for expecting more.

You didn’t know how long you were crying before you felt someone embrace your shuddering body. They picked you up bridal style and the cologne you’d started to associate all the good thing sin the world with flooded your senses. You miserably fought back but you knew your efforts wouldn’t stop them.

You were placed on your bed and soothing hands were gently smoothing your hair. But they only made you cry harder. Because as much as you hated this dumb boy you would give anything so he wouldn’t stop. 

He broke the silence, “Y/N what’s wrong.”

His voice was gentle and it made your heart ache even more. You couldn’t answer. You’d locked away your feelings for so long that it’d be a miracle if you could locate the key.

“It’s okay you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.” He soothed, slowly lying down beside you.

You couldn’t bear to look at him. But you felt yourself calm at his body warmth, the familiar breathing pattern, and heart beat.

“Ssh, it’s okay. Whatever..or whoever did this to you….they’re a fucking idiot.” He tried to sound make you laugh.

But a fresh batch of silent tears began to roll down your face at his remark. You nuzzled your head into his chest. Breathing in his scent, breathing in everything that reminded you of happiness, laughter, sunlight, and held onto it for as long as your lungs could. You gripped his shirt tightly, positive you were leaving ugly tear stains on it.

You began to regain a regular breathing pattern, and the small circles that Jimin repeated against your back relax your tense body into his. The emotional exhaustion hit you like a ton of bricks and you tried to keep your droopy eyes open. Wanted to remember this feeling forever. 

“Go to sleep, it’s okay.” He whispered

“Jimin..” You said, exhaustion laced into every syllable.

“Hmmm”

You breathed in a lung full of him again, eyes fluttering shut and your last words fell out of your mouth as a sigh.

“Why not me?” He stopped his circling motion on your back and tensed under you but you were more unconscious than conscious to realize and react.

You stirred. You kept your eyes closed though, realizing someone was in your room. Someone was shuffling back and forth.

Rather, Jimin was pacing back and forth. 

Your blood ran cold and your stomach dropped. Maybe, if you laid still long enough he would leave and let you rot in your bedroom for eternity. 

Curiosity got the best of you and you cracked your eye open, making sure he didn’t see. He was running his hands anxiously through his freshly dyed black hair. 

You didn’t realize that the longer you stared at him anxiously pace, biting the inside of his cheek, the more your eyes slipped fully open. You didn’t realize until he was staring right back at you.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

You kept quiet, and your face heated up. You couldn’t even fathom how you’d let yourself cry like that in front of him. He was probably waiting for you to wake up so that he could break the news that’d he’d be moving out immediately.

You lifted yourself up and just kept watching as he started to pace again. Seeming even more nervous. His brow furrowed and then he abruptly turned to you.

“Okay so….” He started.

Your stomach immediately dropped, you probably wouldn’t be able to live through whatever he was about to tell you.

“Jimin you really don’t ha-”

“No, please be quiet and just listen before I lose my nerve. Heh….it wouldn’t be the first time.” He chuckled at the inside joke you weren’t in on.

He started to pace again and then he spoke.

“When I was 10, I moved in next door to you.” He glanced at you to make sure you were paying attention and continued, “I… I was so excited to move into the house beside one of my classmates. And even more excited when we finally started walking to school and back home together.”

He swallowed and shyly glanced at you again, “You were my first best friend. I moved a lot and didn’t really see the point in making new friends. But you looked so cool with your green cast on your leg and I was so nervous you didn’t want to be friends with me.”

He was still pacing, glancing at you every so often. He sighed and carded his hands through his hair again.

“Junior high dance- we were 13. I shouldn’t have asked you as a friend,” He quickly scrambled to finish his sentence when he heard how bad it sounded coming out of his mouth, “Uh what- what I mean is... I wanted to ask you as a date. But I was a fucking chicken so I used the excuse of going as friends.”

“And, I should have never let you switch seats with April….I was so angry when you kissed that idiot Lucas. So my dumbass 13 year old self ignored my feelings, decided to kiss a girl I had no interest in and pretend you didn’t exist for the rest of the night.”

You were flabbergasted. Your eyes were wide as he recalled monumental moments in your life. Your chest felt tight and you gripped the bed sheets as he continued his monologue.

“Should’ve never walked without you to school...EVER!” He stated like it was the most obvious thing.

He seemed to be getting frustrated with himself.

“I wanted to kiss you when we were 16. And I always regret having agreed to let Tae take you to prom. And I should’ve stayed with you in that bathroom at after-prom. God, I’m such a fucking idiot. That whole night I just kept waiting for you to be alone so I could get one slow dance in with you. You looked beyond beautiful by the way...man you were all I could think about even when I was with Sarah.” He smiled sheepishly.

Pausing to catch a breath he stared at you. He stopped pacing and started again, gaining confidence in his words and looking you straight in the eye. 

“The day I kissed you for the first time...it’s still one of the best memories of my life. God I could keep kissing you forever. I was terrified of how I felt and jealous of Taehyung and a dumb 18 year old drunk kid. And the day I left without saying goodbye, I cried for 2 whole weeks. I really don’t think I ever hated myself more. And then I knew you were too fucking good for me...I couldn’t-”, He swallowed, “I was still too weak, too self conscious, like I said, really fucking dumb.”

You could feel the lump in your throat growing, making it harder for you to breath easily.

“Then I saw you at the recital and I knew that would be my only chance. You were holding hands with Tae and I swore the whole theatre could hear my heart shatter.” His breath was shaky now but nevertheless kept his gaze on you.

“When you said you loved him…” He didn’t finish the sentence the agony in his eyes from even thinking about it was enough. “Actually, that night I was sent to the ER after I punched a wall and my roommate thought I broke my hand. I was so angry at myself. So angry that I’d lost every chance to speak to you the way you deserved. I didn’t break my hand but boy did it feel worse than whatever was going on in my chest; it was the only pain that even came close to what my heart was feeling.”

You blinked back tears, surprised you still had some to spare.

“I was never the religious type but I prayed..I prayed every day that you’d somehow...someway, find your way to me because I’m selfish and I wanted my own happiness more than my two closest friends. And for once I thought there was a God in the world when you split up as awful as that sounds.” His eyes were glassy by this point, his adam’s apple bobbed and his jaw clenched as he fought to continue.

“But then….but then I- I did the most awful thing and somehow thought it was okay. I wanted you so bad, anyway I could get you would be better than no way at all. And I was messed up for using you like that. And so I slept with other girls, girls that looked like you and...- but, it wasn’t enough.”

You hastily wiped at the tears that began to slide down your face. His own were threatening to spill.

“I remember how you felt, your bare skin pressed to mine. I swear I have dreams so real about that night that they should be considered nightmares because I wake up and you’re not there and I’m alone and I guess that it was my punishment.” He cleared his throat.

“But what I’m trying to say...what I want to tell you is- it’s always been you.” His tears were rolling down his face and he walked closer to you, reaching out to cup your face gently and swipe at your tears.

You opened your mouth. You knew what you wanted to say but the words wouldn’t come out, buried so long you’d forgotten how to speak of them.

Frustrated you only cried more. Jimin laughed, his eyes squished closed- your favorite.

“Y/N…” He whispered, his forehead resting on yours.

You looked at him and he broke into the biggest grin.

“I love you.”

You were sure your head was about to explode like a bottle rocket that’s how red it was.

He kissed you. It was different. It was sweet. But it wasn’t just lust that fueled this one. It wasn’t alcohol. It was love, god damn love and practically 10 years worth of it.

You could taste the salt of his dried up tears. And you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around his neck and whimper. He smiled, making your teeth bump together.

You kept kissing and kissing, until your lips were swollen and tingled. Until he laid you on your back.

“This time, I want to see your face.” He said with a warm smile.

You blushed and hid your face behind your hands.

Times in the past, you hid your face in the mattress as he took you from behind, hiding your flustered face pretty well. This time, you could feel the intimacy, the desperate urgency for intimate contact in every touch that branded your skin.

He kissed his way from your lips, to your jaw, neck, collarbones.

You moaned, gasping for air as his plush lips didn’t miss a single patch of skin on its path of assault. 

“Jimin I-” The words were stuck again.

“It’s okay.” He said understanding.

He brought his face back up and you searched his eyes, still in shock that this was happening.  That he was real.

You couldn’t help the small smile that seemed to sneak onto your face whenever he looked at you. He smiled back, biting his lip.

You pulled him down for another kiss. This time both moaning when he slipped his tongue into your mouth and gently grinded his growing erection into your core.

His scent, god his scent had your head swimming. It encase you, and made you feel safe in his arms. Cologne and something that smelled like bottled warmth. You buried your head into the crook of his neck while his hands traveled up your shirt.

You kissed his warm, smooth skin and felt the vibrations of his moan pass from his rib cage to yours. A second later he had your shirt over your head and soon his was off too.

He worshipped your body, every valley, dip, dimple, scar, like it was his religion. He hadn’t even taken your pants off yet and you were already panting.

His hands twitched and fiddled with your waistband but your hands quickly stopped them, determined to tell him what you needed this time before things went any farther, “JiminI..I.l-” You furrowed your brow. You were trying so hard but his thumbs burning circles into your hips was not helping.

You huffed in frustration, tears welling in your eyes.

Jimin deserved to hear this. He’d said it so easily and here you were, like a floundering fish. 

“It’s okay.” He reassured you again and peppered kisses all over your face. He made haste in pulling his own pants and boxers off. And then slowly began on yours. You didn’t resist this time, far too worked up to wait any longer.  

He gentled spread your legs apart and his eyes held a dreamy gaze. You felt shy and tried to close your legs, embarrassed under his searing gaze.

He held your knees tighter to make sure you didn’t do just that and kissed the inside of them reassuringly. He looked up at you, then let his eyes travel the rest of your naked body. His breathing was labored, clearly feeling just as aroused as you were. 

“I can’t believe this. I’m in love with the most beautiful girl in the galaxy, I’m sure of it. I’ve only ever wanted you, please….please, never, ever forget that.”

His eyes shone with sincerity when he looked at you and leaned over to kiss you again. This one was hard and held all the emotions, all the mess ups and missed opportunities. You held him in the kiss longer, a whine escaping your lips as he began to slide in.

The warmth and familiarity of him pulsing inside of you had you clenching around him in ecstasy and anticipation.

You broke the kiss and he rested his face in the crook of your neck. He grunted, “God I love you so much.”

You bit your lips anxiously, “Wait.”

You locked your legs tightly around his waist so he couldn’t begin to rock his hips.

You had to do this. You would not, no...could not let him do this without expressing how you’ve felt even once. 

You grabbed his face and made him look at you. The look on your face- determination, frustration and pleading for him to understand- told him you were serious.

He gently kissed your nose, “It’s okay, you can do it. You don’t need to say it right now if you don’t want to.” He cooed lovingly.

“No, I...I won’t.” You felt the heat rise to your cheekbones as he stared on, expectantly. You clenched around him again, a shiver running up your spine at the feeling of being so full.

He groaned, the feeling of not moving inside your tight walls was a feat. But he complied, knowing how important this was.

You inhaled sharply, “Jimin..I lo-lo..”

“Come on you’re almost there...don’t think about it so much.” He said.

You opened your mouth to try again and a moan flew out instead. He had brushed up against your sweet spot. 

“Oh did I do that?” He asked feigning innocence. 

“Jimin.” You tried to sound stern but it came out as more of a moan. 

“Please don’t worry about it, I can love you enough for the both of us until you’re ready.” He whispered in your ear.

You only furrowed your brows deeper at this. He saw your frustration and proceeded to kiss the tension from your brows, inching his way until he kissed you deeply. His tongue snaking against yours in such a way that it had your clit throbbing.

“...you.” You managed to gasp against his lips.

 He smiled but continued to kiss you, he mumbled between kisses, “Say it one more time?” 

“I.” He kissed you again, “ever since...” you tasted salt on your tongue, “...you Jimin.” You pulled back to see both of you crying.

You cried, out of deep pleasure and an odd sense of relief, “Jimin...ahmm...since forever, I’ve loved you.” His eyes shone with tears and reciprocated love.

He hugged you tightly, you could feel his warm tears pool and slide down your skin, “You finally said it.” He praised you quietly. You felt him twitch inside you as you repeated it like a mantra over and over. The words that were inside you for so long finally spilling freely from you like an overflowing sink.

He pulled his weight off of you and disentangled your legs from around his waist, holding your knees tightly. He released his grip on your right knee to lean forward and cup your face before kissing you tenderly.

But it wasn’t long before you’re abruptly breaking from the kiss and snapping your head back. He grunted into your ear, “I’m sorry I can’t hold back any longer...you feel so good clenching around me like that.”

He pulled all the way out before he was snapping his hips back into you hard enough to arch your back into his impossibly close chest.

He blindly sought out your hand and upon finding it, interlocked your sweaty palm with his.

He pounded into you mercilessly, his other hand releasing the knee he was still holding to begin rubbing small circles over your swollen clit. Your eyes began to roll into the back of your head and your parted lips spilled broken and breathy shrieks. Jimin’s moans only goaded you farther, clenching like clockwork around his cock every time he pressed especially hard against your clit.   

“I can't believe I missed out on this face every time I did you from behind.” He grunted, words barely comprehensible with his ragged panting. His hot breath filled your ear as he growled, “You look so beautiful taking me, I want to be able to fill you up forever.”

You whined at the words meant to push to to orgasm. Which they did. You didn’t know what to do the pleasure was so blinding. All you emotions working in overdrive, tears pricking your eyes again from the overwhelmingness of it all. But through your haze you felt Jimin’s hips stutter, and the twitch and slight expansion of his dick signaling he was just as close as you had been. 

You moaned at the overstimulation but also from the pulse of him inside you and whined for him to come inside of you. Something you’d blush at later, at how aggressive and straightforward you’d been.  

He complied happily, your clenching walls and pleading words enough to push him over the edge and spill his warm seed into you. You reveled in the feeling. Eyes fluttered open just enough to write the look of euphoria on Jimin’s face into memory forever.

He went to pull out but you circled your legs around his waist and blushed, “Just a little longer.” You wanted to stay like this, loving the feeling of him inside of you before he went soft.

He groaned a blush highlighting his beautiful cheekbones at your unintentionally provocative words, “If you say stuff like that I’m just going to get hard again.”

He fell to the side of you and after some silence you felt his playful smile against your sweaty head, “So...you love me?” 

You laughed, tracing patterns onto his hand that was wrapped tightly around your waist. 

“I love you.” You wriggled around until you faced him. You grinned up at him and continued, feeling confident in your words, “I love your stupid jokes, I love your laugh, I love your teeth, I love your eyes, I love your lips, I love your nose, I especially love your smile though and I lov-”

 “Alright stop, save some for another day.” He was getting flustered, his eyes practically closed with the wide grin on his face as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck to hide his embarrassment.

You felt his eyelashes brush against your skin like feathers as his eyes fluttered closed, a small smile lingering on his face. His breath evened out and soon enough you were sure he was asleep. 

You smiled. There wasn’t really anything more you could do.

“I love you Park Jimin. Your stupid 10 year old chubby face, and that cute chip in your tooth, your hands even when you complain about how small they are. I love you if you have abs or a squishy tummy. I love you. Everything, I love everything.” You couldn’t stop saying it and it felt better each time. You let out a breathy laugh, because everything about him was your favorite.

And this time, you didn’t stay up for hours. Your body sunk into his and sleep washed over you like a pleasant dream

 The next morning sun rays from your open window danced behind your eyes, making you groan, reluctant to get up. But they slowly opened anyway, the warm body next to you making the wake up so much easier.

“Morning” You mumbled when you cracked your eyes open and saw Jimin was already awake.

Your eyes widened to tennis balls in worry when you saw Jimin looking at you with tears streaking his face. You pressed your hand to his face, “Wh-what’s wrong.”

He laughed to himself, “I just...I woke up and saw you next to me and I- I’m so happy.”

You felt him speak against your neck a muffled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You replied back with ease, like you were born to say it to him.

10 year old you would’ve never thought breaking your leg would bring you a friend. 22 year old you would’ve never thought the boy you loved for 10 years who ever say ‘I love you’. But as fate would have it, timing had nothing to do with it.

[cosmicats]

Answer all the questions

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? yessss2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? idk sure3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. The girls ran up to her, and Demeter followed; but as she crossed the threshold, she seemed taller to look at, and full of majesty, and Metaneira rose from her couch, and bade her to be seated.4: What’s something you really want right now? a reallyyy ybig hug from my girlfriend 5: Are you afraid of falling in love? slightly. i fell really really hard really quickly but it was mutual so it turned out perfectly.6: How can I win your heart? If you can be silly and make me laugh tbh 7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Unsure, but i do know we’ve slept on the ground /next/ to a couch lmao8: What’s the background on your cell? my gorgeous baby and I9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? mine, my hotel bed, my brother’s hotel bed, my baby’s bed.10: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? I know she does.11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? I dunno, I never really had a plan to begin with so w/e, things are going great. (am learning to plan for the future tho.)12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? lmao the iowa state police13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? A Rottie 14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? emotional def15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? zoo! i love animals16: Are you tired? always17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? SInce 8th grade18: If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? I wouldn’t. 19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? helllll fucking no. fuck that. 20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? like two minutes ago21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? Yes. (but i do have the right person)22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? A million times23: When was the last time you were disappointed? today when the pizza at the airport wasn’t v good :(24: Is there a certain quote you live by? You can do anything you set your mind to. No limits.25: What’s on your mind? my babyyyyy as alwayssss26: Do you have any tattoos? not yet but I will very soon27: What is your favorite color? It always changes tbh depending on the day. rn it’s the the sky on my flight today28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? tomorrow29: Who are you texting? my girl 30: Are you superstitious about anything? super about jinxing31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? YA WENT SHOOTING W MY FAMILY LAST YEAR AND IT WAS MY TURN TO GO AND IT WAS MY GREAT GRANDPA’S REVOLVER AND I HAD A BAD FEELING AND SO I PASSED AND THEN IT LIKE, EXPLODED ON MY DAD SO.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? I have a whole group chat of guys i can talk to33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? lmao ya my girlfriend34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Jalyn35: What was the reason for your last breakup? lmao. too many to count. essentially though, it was very one sided36: Were you single on Valentines Day? no but it sure felt like it.37: Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike. my hair, the rest of me 38: What do your friends call you? gay39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? probably40: Have you ever cried over a text? yeah41: Where’s your last bruise located? my stomach42: What is it from? lmao my girlfriend (not hitting..)43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? usually anytime im at my house44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? my babyyy45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? not really idk 46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? i always wear hats tbh. idk, safety thing47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? no i dont really follow trends? idk48: Do you make supper for your family? sometimes49: What’s the toughest decision you made this year? ughhhhh too many. maybe picking what college to go to50: Top 3 web-pages? maaan i dunno51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? me52: Does anything on your body hurt? my heart bc it’s been like five days since ive seen my baby..53: Are goodbyes hard for you? i always cry. 54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? coffee55: How is your hair? dead, but colorful56: What do you usually do first in the morning? text my gf57: Do you think two people can last forever? yes yes58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? lmao yeah59: Green or purple grapes? either or60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? tomorrow61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? yessss62: What did your father teach you? how not to do things63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? asleep64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. packing65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? yeaaaah66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? yes!67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? i hugged my brother68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? i wish i was home with jalyn69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? 3 years, yeah70: How many windows are open on your computer? two lmao71: If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first? ... savings bonds.. or a lifetime supply of mac for my baby72: What is your ringtone? parks and rec theme73: How old will you be in 5 months? still 18 lmao. almost 19 tho74: Where is your Mum right now? bed75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? because i learned i deserved more76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? no sadly77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? some78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? yeah lmao79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? yeah.80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? yesss81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? 182: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? no not three days. ive been 900 miles away ugh83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? yes84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? no one bc i wouldnt do that85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? yeah, i want her safe yaknow.86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? THE SEATS WERE LEATHER RECLINERS AND YOU PRESSED A BUTTONON THE SEAT AND A WAITER CAME AND TOOK YOUR ORDER AND BROUGHT YOU FOOD, MY BROTHER GOT A BURGER DUDE87: Who was your last received call from? the most beautiful girl lemme tell you88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? maaaan tbh when i was little i put caterpillers in fire ant hills and watched them get eaten alive so yeah probably as awful as that is89: What is something you wish you had more of? time with my girl..90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? yes.91: Do you sleep with your window open? when it’s nice92: Do you get along with girls? i guess i dunno93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? nope. cleared that up a bit ago. went shitty tho94: Does sex mean love? sex means different things for everyone, and that’s okay. For me, yes. I would only have sex with someone that i really loved95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? hell no. more like a dream come true96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? nope97: Did you sleep alone this week? some days98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? yesss99: Do you believe in love at first sight? I dunno. Sure. maybe not for me, but if it works for other people, I’m glad theyve found love100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? probably my baby

[lovingmichaeltucker]

Fuck technology.

Hi baby. I give in- i totally was slacking on posting again because i keep writing out these amazingly meaningful things that dont post or save as a draft 🙃 they.. just.. dissapear. Its absolutely wonderful. Anywayssss, ive been doing okay. I miss you, a lot. And, like, all of the time. Its a gift and a curse- im driving people crazy with how much i talk about you, i think. I get too giddy when you message me. I just get hit with this rush of feelings that knock me absolutely on my ass. Its insane how much i feel for you, and how- even though your far away, it continues to grow. I daydream about San Diego and all the beautiful moments yet to come. I imagine playing in the waves with you and being silly like we did in the pool at your house. And finding cool places to eat and adventure. We could go to all the theme parks and be all cheesey together and explore parts of Northern California that are(were) covered in trees. (Idk if youve heard- most of Northern Cali has burned down, including lots of residental areas. Its been devastating) I want to go even further up North and meet the rest of your family. I want to take you to Reno to meet mine.. maybe after im 21 cause they are judgemental fucks 😂 but still. I want a life with you. I want to see beautiful things and take lots of pictures of real smiles and laughter. I want to lose time with you. I cannot wait for it. It keeps me up at night. On another note, work has been alright. I got in trouble for making myself a shake and Steven exaggerated and now i dont get food at work lol. Its like this kid loves that i hate him?? He just keeps fucking tripping me, essentially. Hes always cutting me off work early- today he cut my shift in half, so i didnt have to go back to work at 430, but i didnt get the hours towards my check. Im still applying at other places in the plaza. My scheduling + school in the spring is gonna make it a lot more difficult, but im hoping i can just find another job relatively quickly and then get a class online. Sooooooo.. i might also move back into my moms. And idk how youre gonna feel about that, but im hoping its not negatively. Bee is, above all, my best friend, but she is just.. so hard to live with. Shes a bad influence on me, shes delved further into a world of drugs and locking herself up in her room and it honestly makes me really sad. I want to be there for her, but she makes it nearly impossible to be. On top of that, my mother is getting her car out of impound next week and then shes selling it and buying me a car, tbat i will be paying off to her. Once i get a car, im going to start looking into school and jobs in Cali. I feel like living at my moms would be helpful for this because of the bus, at first, and the different amount of jobs i have access to out there, plus i can bus to Pima ANDDD my rent will be saved up for moving/future schooling. She will be really helpful with finding schools in San Diego, jobs and connections with people who can help me grow and live my life individually, too. Im really excited. And i hope at some point we talk about where and when ish you wanna do this, cause im eager, and i know you are too, but i want to do it right. Im determined to be everything you want and more in a girlfriend and, hopefully, future partner.