#i was supposed to tutor one of the teachers in my tuition

[iqmmir]

Fuck.

[bicycle4two]

short fic starring jason and his little mouse from built to love, but broken now

find more ficlets of this couple here

College Days

College.

You’ve never really given it much thought. You’d been editing videos since high school, have made a decent income from it, and never really thought of pursuing anything else. It also helps that although your parents never really cared for you, at least not in the ways that you needed, they had left you enough money to be able to manage on your own for a few years, even with the hefty hospital bills.

So, further education has never been on your mind, didn’t seem like a priority with how your life has been going so far.

But Jason, surprisingly, wanted to go, brought it up over dinner one night before he went out for patrol.

“What do you think about English Lit, mouse?” He had asked as he pushed his food around with his fork.

“Like, as a subject?”

“Well, yeah, like, what do you think if I take it up when the new term starts at Gotham U?”

“I, really, Jason? You want to go?”

“I always liked reading, books, discussing them with Alfred. So, I figured, why not?”

“But do you need to go to college for that? You can, like, sign up for a book club at the library or something.”

There’s a light blush on Jason’s cheeks and he tries to hide it with his hand, tries to play it off. He’s embarrassed. “It’s not just books. I liked school.”

“Well, then sure. I think English Lit is a good course for you to take up.”

“Why don’t you go with me?”

“I, I can’t afford the tuition, Jason.” Now you were playing around with your food, finding it easier to look at than Jason. You could see that he was excited, that this is something he wanted for the both of you.

“So, apply for a scholarship. Hell, we have money. It’s no big deal.”

“No, you have money.”

“Mouse. If you want to go, I’ll make sure it happens.”

So, college. It’s an interesting idea. You think that more than teaching you things that you can learn on the internet anyway, it’s the experience that you want to have. High school was rough, but you think that being on the same campus as Jason might be interesting. You’d at least have a friend to have lunch with.

It’s just, do you really want to take up math again? It seems like it’s an unavoidable subject, that all courses have to at least have the basic units. Algebra and Statistics. And you think, is going back to school really worth it?

“I can help you. You’re not going in this alone.” Jason laughs in that airy chuckle like way of his, more like an amused puff of air, when he sees you sort through different course pamphlets. Rather than ranking them by genuine interest, you were tossing out the courses that required more than two math units, the minimum.

“You’ll have other things to worry about, Jason. You’ll have your own classes, patrol, you can’t just drop everything and tutor me.”

“This is supposed to be fun, mouse.”

“I just don’t want to fail.”

“You’re not going to,” Jason says confidently. He’s been getting more and more comfortable with the idea of going back to school by the day. He’s looked up past syllabuses online, looked into forums where students discussed the best teachers for each subject. “But even if you do, it’s alright. We’re there to learn. It’s not like you’re gunning for a desk job after, right? You’re settled here. Just choose something that’s interesting.”

“I did always want to try art.”

“There you go! And look, only two units of math!”

“Ugh. You better make time for me in your schedule. I’m going to need all the help I can get.”

“I’ll always have time for you.”

...

a/n: inspired by the fact that jason loves books and i genuinely think (and i’m pretty sure i’ve seen discussions about it somewhere with actual proof) that jason’s a nerd and did enjoy school

also i’m just projecting my own frustrations with going back to school and math here. i’ve graduated years ago but still stick to the fact that if i didn’t have to take math ever again, i’d go back.

[with-love-anu]

A Real Date

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Summary: Remus and you have been best friends since forever and he asks you for help on his date

Warnings: Swearing maybe?

Word Count: 2,188

Remus and you had become friends in the first year at Hogwarts. The two of you were paired for the Potions project and had just clicked. The two of you spent hours discussing your favorite books and TV shows. You complimented his nerdy and savage personality. Everyone in the group knew that even though you two were the quietest, teacher’s model students, you were in fact the most mischievous and had the best prank ideas. The two of you would be seen sassing James and Sirius for being stupid or commentating on fights under your breaths, giggling and laughing.

It hadn’t come easy of course. You had come to know about Remus's lycantrophy in the 2nd year. You were really tired that day and had fallen asleep in the library. Coming back, you followed Madam Promfey, who took Remus to the whomping willow. Sitting there, you had slowly placed all the pieces together. You had sneaked into the infirmary at dawn, falling asleep beside Remus. When he had woken up, he had refused to look at you in the eye no matter how much you said it was okay or that you didn’t care. And you had shouted at him, breaking down.

“REMUS JOHN LUPIN!!! You better stop whatever tantrum you are throwing, because I was awake all night, listening to your growls,” you sniffed as your eyes watered. “Thinking what you must be going through, wishing to somehow take away your pain,” you started to cry as Remus desperately tried reach out to you.

“Then I saw you all bloodied, bandaged up and all I could was stare! I hated it. I hate it so damn much. I hate knowing that you have to go through such terrible things and I could do nothing about it. And then you refuse to meet my eyes and decide you don’t want to be my friend anymore. Well, guess what Lupin? You are bloody stuck with me whether you want it or not. I-“ you were stopped as Remus pulled you to his chest shushing you and rubbing a hand over your back.

When you pulled away, you saw Remus crying too.

Something changed after that. Remus started seeing you as the person who would be there for him no matter what. It warmed him and gave him the confidence to speak around you without any hesitation.

As years passed, your friendship only strengthened. It was only since the previous year, that you had started to like him. It had started simply, wanting to rest your head on his shoulder, drinking in his scent whenever he was close, needing him beside you almost every single moment, hating when people came way too close to him. You first thought that maybe it was because you were his best friend. But then, you found yourself staring at him, his brown eyes which were full of mirth making him look like a young boy. And you gasped in realization. You really liked him. Your stomach fluttered and your heart beat increased whenever he would loop an arm around you. You couldn’t tell him. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t bring yourself to say those words. What if Remus never liked you back? You couldn’t possibly let your friendship drown in flames.

You were sitting on the couch in front of the fire place with a book. You heard Remus, Sirius and James enter the room. You gave them a smile. The boys came to sit around you.

“(Y/n). Always reading.” Sirius said taking your book looking at the cover.

“Hey!” you protested.

“Well, we do have some interesting news, we are sure you would love to hear” James said wriggling his eyebrows. Remus blushed beside you.

“Uh-uh, and what would that be?” you asked smiling.

“Remus got a date.” he said. Your eyes widened as you did your best to mask your expression. He got a date?

“Oh. And with whom?” you forced a smile and pretended to be interested.

“Sara. Sara Glom. The Hufflepuff in our year.” Sirius quipped.

“She’s a nice girl, always helping others.” You said looking at Remus. He looked pained somehow.

“Yeah, she is, isn’t she?” he gritted out. You coerced yourself to nod and smile.

The topics changed as you all talked about your day. You felt yourself zoom out of the conversation going on. Remus liked Sara. He never dated anyone before. He must really like her. The thought made your guts wrench. He would never like you. Why? What was about her that wasn’t in you? Why couldn’t Remus notice you?

You didn’t notice when Sirius and James left. Remus sat beside you looking into the fire. You cleared your throat.

“So Sara, huh?” you asked. Apparently you loved to torture yourself.

“Yeah.” He said looking at you giving a small smile. You hugged your legs placing your head on your knees.

“You’re look tired; go to sleep.” Remus said softly.

“I have to do the potions homework.” You pouted.

“You work way too hard. You need rest too.” Remus advised.

“I really need to up my Potions’ score. I haven’t yet perfected the Golpalott's Third Law is covered in class.” You said glumly.

“I could help you.” Remus said immediately.

“Really?” you asked hopefully. Remus was an excellent teacher. He would study for himself and tutor others too. By the end of the day he would be so exhausted that he would just drop into his bed and sleep immediately. Sirius, James and you had convinced him to drop two tuitions so he could at least get time to breathe.

“Yes, come on!”

Remus and you spend the next hour cuddled against each other as he cleared each of your doubts about the theory.

“So what’s the 3rd law?” Remus asked.

“The Law says that the antidote for a blended poison cannot simply be created by finding the antidotes to each separate poison in the blended whole and mixing them together.” You said in one breath.

“Atta girl!” Remus said smiling and you couldn’t help but release a sigh.

You looked at Remus whose face looked golden from the fire. He had dark circles under his eyes but the sparkle was still there. You did not know when you came so close, you could feel his breath on your face. You blushed and turned away realizing what you were doing.

“It’s late I should go.” You said softly.

“Yeah. Good night.” Remus gulped.

“Thank you for helping me, Remus you really are the best! Good night.” You said leaving Remus frustrated. He got up and stomped to his dorm.

Sirius and James smirked on seeing him, a knowing look on their faces.

“So?” James asked.

Remus sighed sitting on his bed.

“We studied. I cleared her doubts” He groaned.

“What?!? We leave you alone for an hour and that’s what you do? Come on, Remus, you saw her face when we mentioned Sara. Why didn’t you make a move?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t know, I chickened out after she said that Sara was a nice girl.” Remus said burying his head in a pillow.

“She always talks nice about everyone. Even snivellous, even though all he has ever been is rude to her. What are you not telling us?” Sirius asked narrowing his eyes.

Remus gulped and grimaced. James noticed it and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well, we… we may have had a moment and she abruptly turned and left the room.” Remus said waiting for their reactions.

“What!?! That’s amazing!” Sirius said.

“How is that amazing?” Remus frowned. James rolled his eyes.

“Mate, you’re more oblivious than Sirius.” James said wrapping an arm around him earning a smack from Sirius. “Ow. Okay, we know she’s shy. She probably thinks you are going out with Sara and therefore left. Why in hell did you not confess then?”

“Well, forgive me for thinking she didn’t like me and therefore left.” Remus sighed. Everyone remained quiet for a while.

“Remus.” Sirius said with widened eyes. “Ask her to kiss you.”

“What?!?” Remus spat.

“Well, we know you have never kissed before so tell her you are really insecure and want to make sure it isn’t that bad. She would deny it until she spills the real reason why she couldn’t do it!” Sirius said.

“You are an idiot.” Remus said pointedly.

“Mate, it’s the only way.” James said. “She is oblivious to all your flirting, moves, and you are so shy that you couldn’t possibly utter ‘Will you go on a date with me? A real date.’”

“This is so gonna end up in shit.” Remus said as he fell on his bed with a plop.

***

Remus and you were studying in your room.

“(Y/n).”

“Yeah?” you asked turning.

“Umm… I know it’s a lot to ask for, but Sara and I are going out today.” Remus said slowly. Your eyes crinkled at the mention of Sara’s name.

“Okay?” you asked unsure what you were supposed to do.

“Ihaven’treallykissedanyonebeforesoI’mreallyinsecurecouldyoupleasetellmeI’mnotthatbad?”

“Wait what?” you narrowed your eyes. Remus gulped.

“I haven’t kissed anyone before and I don’t want to make a fool of myself so could you please please help me out?”

Your head zoomed at his words. You blinked. He wanted to kiss you so it isn’t bad with Sara? You stomach clenched and you felt queasy.

“You want to kiss me to help with your date?” you asked in a low voice.

Remus nodded slowly.

“Why me?” you asked feeling your heart break into a million pieces.

“Because you are the only one I feel comfortable with.” Remus whispered.

You let out a forced smile. Of course you were the only person he was comfortable with, just not comfortable enough to give you a chance to be his girlfriend.

“Okay.”

“What?!?” Remus squeaked, shocked at your reaction.

“Okay, kiss me.”

Remus gulped. This was not how it was supposed to go. You kept looking at him waiting. His head boomed. He moved forward looking at your lips. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips and he refrained a groan. Was he really going to kiss you? His heart thumped out of his chest as he leaned in. He could feel your warm breath against his lips and he pushed his lips against yours. He moved them against your soft plump ones feeling light headed. Your hands tangled themselves in his hair as he cupped your cheeks. As you both pulled away breathless from the kiss you looked at each other. You dug your nails into your palms to stop the tears from falling.

“Sara would be an idiot to let you go.” You said somehow keeping your voice from breaking and left the room.

As Remus sat back on your bed he replayed what happened moments ago. Tears fell down his cheeks thinking he ruined it. He finally ruined his friendship with you. Why couldn’t he just tell you, he liked you? Even if you didn’t like him back, he was sure it would have been better than this. He stood up abruptly wanting to make it right. Rushing to his room, he pulled out the map trying to find where you were.

***

You sat in the little enclave petting your cat, sobbing.

“And you know what’s worse, Ms Whiskers? I kissed him. Knowing he would kiss Sara today. He used me. I don’t what I’ll do! I love Remus, always have. Maybe not in the same way before. But now more than ever. It hurts. It hurts so so much. It’s not even like I am invisible, it would be so much better that way. If Remus didn’t notice me at all. The fact is I am painfully visible, he knows me and admires me. It hurts waiting for a boy who would never love me back.”

“What if he does love you back?” a voice came and you turned to see Remus. You quickly wiped your tears.

“Why aren’t you on your date?” you sniffed. Your head pounded guessing how much he heard.

“I realized something.” Remus stated. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. You let out a sigh leaning into his touch.

“What?” you whispered. Remus swiped his thumb over your cheeks wiping your tears.

“That Sara’s not you. No one else could ever compare to you. You are the only person I see. You are the only one whom my desires are limited to. You’re the first person my eyes flick to. And you’re the only one I want to kiss.” He said before leaning in and kissing you. You melted under his touch. Your head felt like a kite swimming over the clouds. His mouth moved along yours fervently, passionately, like he was dying without you.

As you pulled away you blinked and let out a small laugh.

“I’m so sorry I made you cry. Go on a date with me. A real one. Let me make it up to you” Remus asked holding your hands, kissing the knuckles.

“I would love to.” You said before leaning in and kissing him again.

A/N: This was written for the lovely anon. Here is the request. I think I should tell you, why I deviated from it. I take Remus is someone who wouldn’t date anyone until he really knows them, and the scenario ‘I couldn’t kiss her’ was a little unlikely to happen. I would however love if you tell me whether you liked my version of your story :)))

[hqprotectionsquad]

Notice Me (Kenma x Reader)

Title: Notice Me Pairing: Kenma x F!Reader Summary: If you move in with Kenma, you save money and you get to go to your dream school in Tokyo. Just one thing: you start developing a crush on your roommate who you barely know. Word Count: 2441 A/N: This is the original fic I had planned before I lost it for a few bits. I wrote a whole HC set for this, which is very similar because I wrote down everything I could remember. This would be an extension of a sort in that case.

A few months ago, it was never like this. You were just about ready to attend a junior college because your top choice university waitlisted you for your program. You were okay with it, considering the price was significantly less than what you expected to pay at university. What are two years working on transferrable credits anyway? In the grand scheme of things, you were making the right choice.

And then you got off of the waitlist. You jumped for joy and your parents baked you a cake for your achievements. Everything was dandy, up until you remembered the tuition. It wasn’t like you’d be in crippling debt if you attended, just debt that isn’t as crippling.

Luckily, your neighbor, Kenma is also moving to Tokyo, to study something like business or management or something like that? You don’t do much of exploring his personality until you hear a plan that your mom proposes to you.

“Mom, are you serious?” You can’t believe what your ears are hearing.

“Of course! We don’t have much money to send you, let alone boarding. So while you’re in Tokyo, you can stay with Kenma! Kenma will have a large enough apartment, according to his parents when I spoke to them about this.”

“You already spoke to them about it?!”

“Yes! And you both move in two weeks.”

It’s weird, packing up your entire life is weird. Waves of nostalgia crash every time you notice an old toy you used to play with or old photos you forgot existed. Soon enough, you’ve got everything you need in boxes that will meet you in Tokyo.

Tokyo. It still feels like a fever dream. Something that is, but you aren’t sure how it happened. A few months ago, you were days away from enrolling in junior college, and now, you’re going to Tokyo.

Today, your family packs the car with all of your clothing and things that can be easily carried. Later on, you’re in the apartment, settling your items. Soon enough, your family’s back in the emptier car on their way home. Everything goes too quickly.

The process of getting to know Kenma goes too slowly. Sure, you’ve been his neighbor for your entire life, but you’ve never really spoken to him, even though you’ve gone to the same high school and boarded the train together in the mornings.

Now, if you have classes in the morning, you take the train with him to the university. Still, after a few weeks of moving in together, you haven’t spoken much to him. It’s like ebb and flow, except he’s flowing at his own pace.

On the train to classes one day, you ask, “Kenma, do you want to have dinner together? I can pick up something after my last class.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m streaming something tonight.” So that’s all the noise he makes at two in the morning, not that you could assume anything based on the yelling.

“Oh. I didn’t know you streamed. Um, what do you stream?” You don’t want this conversation to stop. From all the years you’ve known him, you were actually jealous of Kuroo for being able to know Kenma so well. This could be your chance to see what’s going on behind that pretty face of his.

“Mostly games.” He digs into his messenger bag and you assume that the conversation is over. This is it, he probably just wants to be roommates without being friends. “You forgot this earlier, by the way. On the counter.” He puts a book into your hand.

“Thank you.” And thus begins your habit of forgetting things and him retrieving them for you. For the most part, it’s not on purpose; you’re just a forgetful human being. However, one time, you checked to see if he’d actually notice if you left something. It was a bit of a gamble, but you just wanted to see. Sure enough, Kenma came right before your class began to hand off a notebook.

These drop-offs are simple, yet his attention to detail is what draws you to him. His perspective means everything when you’re asking him for his opinion on assignments or life events.

You wish there was something more, though. He’s so reserved. It’s not like he’s actively trying to hide something, but maybe, he just wants to be by himself.

That’s such a lonely life.

He has his friend Kuroo, as far as you know, who is a year older than you two. You’re at the extremes of your mind, weighing the pros and cons between your two halves. If you try to befriend Kuroo, that could be your way to knowing Kenma, but Kenma might also be confused by your friendship with his friend. If you don’t try to befriend Kuroo, then you’re essentially stuck in the same place without a stimulant to move forward.

So you do what any college student would do; decide your fate on a coin flip. Heads is get to know Kuroo, and tails is to stay stagnant and find a way through. You flick the coin off of your thumb and it sails into the air until it finds solace in your hand. You slap the coin onto your opposite hand, and what do you know, it lands on—

“Heads.”

Huh. You’re going to have quite a time. You even begin laughing to yourself because you have no idea how to start.

“You know, Kuroo’s a chemistry tutor.” Your friend informs you after she sees your brain unfolding when you go out for a literature study session. She seemed very concerned, but you reassure her that you simply had a crush on your roommate and you aren’t sure how to go about it.

“I’m taking introductory chemistry, and I’m not near failing, Mika.”

“Exactly, it could just be supplemental and you use the studying so you can get a better grade.”

“You know what, I think you’re right. I’m going to do that.” A smile graces your lips and it’s something in between a smirk and a genuine grin, but you’ll take it.

The next time you visit the library, you stop by the corkboard by the entrance. You trace your fingers to find the chemistry tutoring sign-ups and you find Kuroo’s name at the top of a page in bold font. Lines are filled left and right, and you find an opening for two days from now. Now that you’re looking at it, there aren’t too many girls who have signed up for him, just mostly boys. You suppose you’ll find out why soon.

When you approach a table on the day you’ll be tutored, your mouth gapes when you see the face of this guy. How are there more boys who sign up for him than girls? If you weren’t faithful to your mission, you’d probably be reconsidering everything.

“Hey, I’m (Y/N), you’re Kuroo, right? You’re tutoring me in intro chemistry,” you say as you take a seat and unload your notebook and textbook from your backpack. You place your items onto the table, including your trusty highlighters and pencil case.

“Hey.” He offers you a smile. “Glad you could make it.” He does one look over you before asking, “Haven’t we met before? This isn’t an attempt to pick you up, but I mean if you wanted me to, I wouldn’t object.”

You roll your eyes and grin. This guy has no shame from the get-go. “Maybe in passing. I’m Kenma’s roommate.”

“Right, right, that’s where I’ve seen you.” Kuroo nods. “So did you want to get into the parts you have trouble with or do you want to do a brief overview first?”

“Brief overview would be good.” You start to get into all of the general basics of chemistry, like the formulas and diagrams you’ll need for tests. The way Kuroo explains all of this makes so much sense, even the things you thought you knew before.

“Alright! Water break.” It’s been about an hour, but judging by Kuroo’s expression, you might be here a little longer. Even though the world has passed by around you, it feels like you just arrived and introduced yourself.

“Have you considered being a teacher? You’re really good at explaining.”

After chugging down half of his bottle, he runs some fingers through his hair and you’re surprised he can even get them out based on the messy appearance. “I’ve thought about it, but I kind of want to go into forensics or research. Something like that. But something tells me you’re not here because you want to do better on your tests.”

“Red-handed,” you say with your hands up. “What makes you think that though?”

“You’ve kind of got everything down, but I wouldn’t expect anything else from a pretty and smart girl like you.”

Your mouth hangs open just the slightest bit and you have to force yourself to press your lips into a smile. You try to look anywhere else except meet his eyes. “I,” you stop to breathe. “I’m flattered, but um, I guess I did come here with a different intention than just studying.”

“And that would be?” Kuroo clasps his hands together and leans forward. By the looks of it, he’s even tilting his head so his ear faces towards you.

Your breath can’t make a silver barrier between Kuroo and your flushed cheeks. “I, um, kind of have developed a crush on Kenma, and since you’re his friend—”

“Damn. I really thought I could get a girl from tutoring, but it looks like she’s only interested in my best friend.” He then does this thing where it looks like he’s smirking and fake crying at the same time and you can’t really tell what he’s trying to accomplish from this. Still, he bites his lip and you’re led to believe he’s actually a little upset that he’s being passed over.

“I’m sorry, Kuroo.”

“Why are you sorry?” He laughs through his question.

“I don’t know.” With your smile on your face, you peer down at your chemistry notes, the ones you’ve just written. “I’m really thankful for all your help with this. I’m sorry if it seems like I’ve taken advantage of you.”

“Believe me, it’s no big deal. You’re one of the first girls I’ve tutored and you’re pretty cool. I still don’t know why I keep getting guys to tutor, don’t know what witch cursed me with that.” Kuroo clicks his tongue before continuing, “But you’re his roommate. Shouldn’t you at least know him up to a certain extent? I just don’t get it when you could just try to seduce him.” He pauses. “Don’t actually do that, it probably won’t work, it’s Kenma.”

“Exactly. He’s been my neighbor for basically all of my life, but I don’t know him enough to try to start something. I can’t tell if he enjoys my company or not.”

“You know what, I know you’re Kenma’s roommate and you barely know him, which is understandable, because it’s Kenma. Come check out the intramural games and you’ll get to meet the team.”

You tilt your head at his statement. “Intramural games? For what?”

“For volleyball. Kenma’s the setter, I’m the captain for our team.” Kuroo nods. “Saturday at 4. I’ll invite you out for ice cream and it’ll be all cool.” He starts packing up his stuff and shoving it into his backpack.

“Alright, I’ll see you then,” you confirm while you mirror his actions. You bid him goodbye and the last thing you hear from him is mumbling that you had to, of course, like his best friend.

Saturday comes and you wish you could say it wasn’t a blur, but with all of the volleyball lingo—still unsure what some of the positions are, but at least you know Kenma’s—and the men just talking amongst themselves, it’s not hard to get stuck in the whirlwind.

“Are you okay, (Y/N)?”

You give your head a little shake before looking to see who was speaking to you. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for asking, Kenma.”

“If you don’t want to be here, I can take us back to the apartment. I’m sure Lev’s loud voice is hurting your ears.” He casts a strained glance to the man leaning back on the counter, slurping his ice cream like it’s a soup. The rest of the lot is in the circle, speaking to teammates, and whoever happened to respond to Kuroo’s invitation. Turns out you weren’t the only one that wanted to share in the company of the team.

With your unfinished ice cream cup still in your hand, you bid goodbye to Kuroo and the other team members. Turns out there really is a whole world outside of your small circle at the university. Without them, you wouldn’t have realized how interesting life could be if you continued to hang out with them all.

You wondered if you kept this up, maybe you’d have a chance with Kenma, and so you did. They were all kind enough to allow you to tag onto their plans, even if you’ve stuck onto them like unwanted glue residue. They never grumbled when you walked into cafes with Kuroo, nor did they whisper underneath their breath when you joined them for movie nights at Tora’s apartment. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say you were becoming very good friends with all of them, including your roommate.

Nowadays, he’ll subtly expect to have dinner together when you are both free and you’ll commute to school with him on the days that your classes start around the same time. All the while, you’re still trying to talk to him. Ask him about the weather, what can he recommend as far as video games go — anything that will get him to move his mouth. He really enjoys talking about the games he plays and it seems like that’s his life. Behind his nonchalant expression, fiery eyes dance.

One day on the train, he sits next to you. Everything takes you back to earlier in the year when you barely knew him. All it took was volleyball and the intervention of a very important person in Kenma’s life. He’s no longer just a roommate. He’s a friend, someone to talk to, someone who listens to you.

He turns his head and looks you up and down, from your eyes to your shoes. His gaze is sure but slow, and you aren’t certain of his intentions.

Finally, he asks, “(Y/N), are you flirting with me?”

Hearing this come from his lips tugs your own into a smile. “You finally noticed?”

navi! | master list | tag list form

[jed-thomas]

Debt and Unreality at a British University

Most of the time, when journalists or researchers ask students in Britain about their “concerns” and their “experience”, they’re not looking for answers like: ‘I don’t feel real.’ Because, well, what do you do with that?

A friend of mine sat on a stiff leather couch in the hallway, tiredly scrolling. She’d just clocked out. For nine grand, we were getting about 7 hours of teaching a week. The rest of the time, of course, was supposed to be devoted to reading all the material we’d be discussing in seminars or attending lectures on. But she was working part-time at a Pizza Express. The maintenance loans only stretch so far, especially with rent around here. And you have to catch a bus to get to campus. Lots of us, our parents helped out. But if the ‘rents can’t or won’t pay, you’re a little stuffed.

In 2019, it was reported that over half of young people are now attending university. These figures represent the fulfilment of a target set by Tony Blair at a Labour Party conference in 1999, during his first term as Prime Minister. In July of the year before, Blair’s parliament passed the Teaching and Higher Education Act, introducing tuition fees for universities across the UK. In 1990, around 25% of young people stayed in some form of full-time education beyond the age of 18. Today, most young Britons will have experienced the presumption that they’re a university student and frequently, the expectation.

Yesterday, the University of Warwick’s official Twitter account shared a link to a blog post on how to ‘relieve intense stress in 60-seconds.’ The post was written by a current student.

In 1962, towards the end of Harold Macmillan’s Conservative premiership, “ordinarily resident” students were exempted from tuition fees and made eligible for a means-tested maintenance grant. Shortly after the Teaching and Higher Education Act of 1998, maintenance grants were replaced with loans. In 2004, the cap on tuition fees rose to £3,000 and by 2010, it had risen to its current rate of around £9,000. There were protests over that last increase, of course. The protests were in 2010 and I went to university in 2017. I now owe the British government around £27,000 for tuition and around £10,000 for maintenance. If you’re going this year, you’ll end up owing roughly the same - more, if your family earns less than mine.

You hear things. “Oh, they’re antidepressants.” A friend with a weird flatmate who never leaves their room. Oddly intense desperation eking out of drunk students from some corner of a smoking-area. Vaguely recognisable names and their time of death. “Honestly, just couldn’t be bothered to get up.” An acquaintance from your course drops out and moves back home. Barely concealed frustration in your professor’s tone, hushed rants in faculty corridors. And you notice other things. Admissions of 'suicidal ideation' and life-crises on a FaceBook page which is supposed to be about students sending anonymous messages of romantic interest. Sarcastic tweets about ‘mental health dogs’ and ‘mindfulness seminars’ have become cliché. A routinely empty chair in your seminar room. Strained eyes staring into the middle-ground, silence attending the teacher’s question. Dysfunction as normality. Your diagnosis in your bio next to where you go to uni.

In 2014, it was reported that one in seven full-time students also work full-time. The same report put the proportion of full-time students working part-time at a third. A number of reasons were given as to why they were doing this. I wonder, when they look at their bank accounts, or their accommodation, or their text on sociology, on Latin American history, on virology, existentialism, do they feel they have a handle on things? "I’m a full-time barista, full-time student." "Hello, I’m an impossibility."

For students, the British university is an experiment in unreality. Am I a customer or a pupil? Am I demanding a service from a business or being educated by my elders for my own good? Will it be my fault for selecting a ‘non-applicable’ degree or their fault for selling it to me? Everything is optional, even when it isn’t. You spend all week pouring over the text but feel embarrassed to correct or question the people who clearly didn’t because the professor doesn’t: “Don’t worry if you haven’t done the reading.” Next time, you just put in a sentence or two to fill one of the many silences, improvising off of what others have said, pretending you read whatever it was. Then, of course, coursework is set assessing your knowledge of the curriculum. You spend a couple of days stressed out, hoping to turn your lack of knowledge into a scholarly tone of caution and hedged bets. You go to a careers fair, a student union election, a party, a debate. Nothing sticks, tomorrow is the same day. Your teachers are devotees of a faith but you have to fill the ranks of their picket against the Church. The protestors mass, fill the campus with tension and noise, and then, in a couple of weeks, you’re sitting in the same seminar room with the same professor doing the same thing. You have to think surprisingly hard to remember that past, fugitive now in an opaque present. The only thing that changes is that a few new buildings emerge from their shells of scaffolding. When you miss almost five weeks, there is an email or two. One time, because of your chronic truancy, you get some mark or something, some strike against your name. Nothing happens. In fact, you find it incredibly hard to even find the place where that warning is actually recorded, displayed. You graduate with a First.

Recently, there has been a steady trickle of data, news items, and reports, gradually exposing the rate of suicide in higher education in the UK. It came to a head last week, as a Conservative peer, Lord Lucas, called for a bill which would give British universities a duty of care in the mental health outcomes of their students. Lord Lucas’ plea represents the mainstream of a movement by aggrieved parents of young people who took their lives whilst at university. One of these young people was Benjamin Murray, a 19-year-old in his first year studying English Literature at Bristol University. Shortly before falling to his death, Murray was told by the university that he would have to leave. A local newspaper reports that, according to sources at the university, his attendance was ‘sporadic’ and he had ‘failed to hand in expected work’. Discussing interactions he had with Murray which revealed that the undergraduate was suffering with an anxiety disorder, senior tutor Ben Gunter remarks that: 'A large number of students we see have varying levels of anxiety.’

I mean, look at it this way. You’re saddled with a debt, a sizeable debt. It makes you nervous just looking at all the zeroes. But this moment of selling your soul was planned, it was expected from the beginning. And there are voices all around you that keep coming up and whispering in your ear. It’s just a tax on spending after education. No-one’s expecting you to pay it back. It all gets forgiven when you hit 40. What’s a person to do in that situation? The same government that portrayed the national debt as an existential threat is the same government that turns around and says: Don’t worry. Does debt matter or doesn’t it? Is this real or isn’t it?

People are screaming, again. It's 5:35 in the afternoon. Earliest you’ve heard it this week. They’re really drunk. Or on something. You’re only dimly aware of it, really. It’s ubiquitous, it’s ambiance. Dimly, you wonder if they realise how loud they are being, how obvious their public intoxication is. You perk up when you recognise a few voices. People on your course - you’ve got an essay due tomorrow at noon. Down the ages, goes the cliché, students are drunk and reckless with deadlines. But you’ve been wondering whether it really matters if you get a 1:1 instead of a 2:1. Don’t they inflate the numbers, anyway? And besides, it's experience that matters on a CV, everyone’s got a degree these days. I’d just be another idiot with a 1:1. Your flatmate drunkenly knocks on your door and you seriously consider going back on your refusal to go out tonight.

A survey of undergraduates in seven universities in England reportedly found very high rates of dangerous drinking, with 41% identified as ‘hazardous drinkers’. It also considers that one in five students were likely to be diagnosable as alcoholic.

Every weekend students give in to the unreality. I know what you're thinking. Of course, young people have always experimented with substances, acted like they were invulnerable, ignored consequences. But many of the young people before us were unfamiliar with this level of unreality, this level of confusion. So the recklessness intensifies in those claustrophobic spaces that remain open to us.

I have deadlines, right now. A few days to go. I’ve been looking at the news, all the statistics on internships and jobs falling through for graduates and young people, in general. The worst hit. I’ve been talking to my friends, moaning about the job hunt, the rejections and the no-replies. Anecdotes tumble down the grape-vine of graduates from respected universities not even being able to get a part-time job at a supermarket because of the number of applicants or whatever. A couple of my friends are intermitting due to mental health problems. When I was home, before the most recent lockdown, a number of my friends and I worked at a pub. I’m back at uni and they’re still there. Class of 2020, all of us. Of course, they like it, it’s fine. But where do we go from here?

Don’t ask me, mate, I’ve got deadlines.

[lyssismagical]

Soulmates 20, please.

“Everything about you is amazing to me”

 Insecurities were something Peter had learned to keep quiet about. He didn’t mention the self-conscious habits that caused him to shy away from anything that drew too much attention to him. He never believed the kind words sent his direction, flushed at any compliment and filed it away to fail the battles against the harsh words he kept close to his chest.

He didn’t like a lot of things about himself.

He got worked up about stupid things too easily because of the insecurities that held him tight in their grasps, made his head feel rotten and dizzy.

Harley’s hand is over his on the table, quietly worried about Peter. Crying at their kitchen table.

It wasn’t too abnormal. Peter had always been an overly sensitive, emotional person, another thing he hated about himself. It doesn’t help that he cries over the most minuscule things and then cries over the big things too. He cried just the other day over a stupid commercial he saw, and a few days before that he cried over nearly being too late to save a woman on patrol.

Harley’s probably trying to make an educated guess of whether this is an important cry or a silly cry.

“What happened, darling?” Harley asks quietly. He squeezes Peter’s hand. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s up.”

They’re living together now. About six months into their life as college boyfriends sharing an apartment. They’re nearing their three-year anniversary together.

Never once in these three years has Peter cried over something like this.

He’s always been a genius. Never had troubles in school, never really felt the pressures of teachers or the disappointments of dropping grades. Even back in high school, if he was late handing in a project or if he was too busy Spider-Manning to get something done, he always had the option to ask Ned for answers or for MJ to stage a Panic-Work-Lunch where they’d hurry through as many assignments as they could in the hour.

He’s used to being the gifted student. The one who never really had any trouble in school. Plus he had Tony as mentor. It was easy to get help when he had Tony just a few blocks away.

College is different.

“I just feel so fucking stupid!” Peter admits, fingers tugging at his hair. Tears spill down his cheeks onto his notes, smudging the pencil markings.

It was physics work. Work that he could do in his sleep, but he keeps getting stuck and confused and he’s been having trouble all semester, and it’s made everything a million times harder.

“You’re not stupid, Peter.” Harley’s voice is shocked, confused. He pulls Peter’s notebook away from him and looks at his chicken scratches across the page. “You’re nearly there, you’ve just gotta put substitute this stuff into another equation. You know this stuff.”

It’s not said condescendingly, but Peter feels even more stupid knowing that this is easy stuff and Peter can’t do it.

“I’m so- I can’t do it. I can’t do these stupid fucking equations and I can’t finish my essay and I failed my last test, Harley. I’m- I’m failing. I’m so stupid and I can’t get my brain to work like it used to anymore,” Peter vents, hands trembling as he grips the ends of his hair harder, tugging like it’ll get the rusty gears in his brain to start up again.

He’s shaking and the tears won’t stop falling down his face, and he wants Harley to understand how much harder this is for him because he’s supposed to be better. He’s always supposed to be better than he can be.

He’s got the pressures of being Tony Stark’s kid on top of being Richard and Mary Parker’s kid. Not to mention how much Ben used to always tell him what a genius he is, how far he’ll go.

He’ll lose his scholarship if his grades drop too far and he doesn’t have the money to afford the tuition if he’s put on academic probation.

He’s supposed to be better, a genius, but he can’t seem to do anything.

“You’re overworking yourself, honey. You’re just tired,” Harley murmurs, leaning in to press a kiss to Peter’s cheek. “You’re not stupid just because you’re having trouble. We could get you into some study groups, get extra credits for the classes you’re struggling with, get you a tutor if you need it-”

Peter stands abruptly, chair pushing out behind him and hand ripping away from Harley’s. “I don’t want a fucking tutor, Harley! I want to be smart like I used to be! I want to feel good about my brain like I used to! I just- I hate feeling like this.”

“Honey-” Harley’s eyes are too soft, too sympathetic, frown too sad.

“I’m the World’s Worst Superhero. I can’t seem to do it right. I’m failing my classes. I can’t even do us right. I’m failing this relationship too. I skipped out on date night three weeks in a row.”

Harley’s forehead scrunches up in a frown and understanding passes over his face. “Peter, my love, I know you’re under a lot of stress right now. You’re doing a lot at the same time and you probably feel like it’s harder to put your usual 110 percent into everything.”

“I just hate- I hate myself. I hate feeling like this. I hate that I’ve started having nightmares again. I hate that I nearly let that woman die the other day. I hate that I can’t seem to do anything right anymore. I hate that I feel like I’m letting everyone down, and no matter how hard I try, nothing seems to go right.”

Harley just sighs, soft and gentle, and touches Peter’s shoulder, leading him to their old maroon couch in their living room.

“First and foremost, I love you, Peter. I love you for all that you are. Everything about you is amazing to me. No matter how badly you screw up, which you haven’t, my love for you isn’t going to change that.”

Peter sniffles but there’s the ghost of smile that passes over his mouth that makes Harley feel like he’s doing something right.

“Now, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but have you thought about taking a gap year? Going back to therapy, taking a much-needed vacation, focusing on yourself for a little while? We’re almost done our first year of college, there’s nothing wrong with taking a break.”

“What about Spider-Man?”

“Bucky and Sam would be more than happy to look after Queens for a while.”

Peter looks small and shy, eyes wide and glassy as he reaches out to hold onto Harley’s hand. “What about you?”

Harley smiles, pressing a kiss to Peter’s cheek. “If you want me with you, I’d be more than happy to join you in a gap year. Not gonna lie, but I’ve been feeling kinda overwhelmed with everything too. A nice long vacation, anywhere you want, sounds wonderful to me.”

“Maybe Europe? My last vacation there was pretty disastrous.”

“For now, though, I want you to hang up your suit for a few weeks. You’re going to call Sarah, book a session, and accompany me to my study groups, and we’re going to get your grades up by exams, okay? Together.”

“I love you, you know that? I know I’m-”

Harley’s quick to press his hand over Peter’s mouth. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence with anything negative. I meant it when I said I love everything about you. I don’t care what that entails, I’m here for the long haul, okay?”

“I love you,” Peter says, words muffled by Harley’s hand.

“I love you too. And one day, you’re going to love you as much as I love you.”

Taglist: @littlemissagrafina  @spideygirl2003 @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @tonystarkweneedyou 

[dinosaurtsukki]

basically tuition school or centres are private ones that allow students to go for classes for subjects that they are weak in. tutors are supposed to help teach or clarify doubts that people in school are hesitant to clarify and they help to give extra mock exams for the final year exams we take in my country at least -🍙

OH! i get it now! here they’re also called tutorial centers and my dad used to work at one, although they’re mostly done through individual sessions with teachers. in my high school we actually had this thing called ‘Learning Support’ and it was like this small group of teachers who helped students out with specific subjects. i was really good friends with the teacher who ran it so i kind of hung out in their office even though i didn’t really take the sessions. but ahh!! that sounds like a cool place to meet new people

[loquaciousquark]

so i have just completed an extremely intensive four-day course on medical simulations that, while fascinating, has been mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting, and i’m also really struggling with the guilt of leaving basically every coursemaster duty i have to a coworker during those days despite her repeated reassurances because i know exactly how much work she took on for basically no reward or acknowledgement aside from my thanks

and

i just got the most preposterous email from a student basically telling one of the most seasoned teachers on our faculty, another excellent teacher i work very closely with, and me that we have to privately tutor her (for money, which is already against our contracts) to get her practical skills up to par. (i can’t even articulate how insane this is. like, homegirl, you’re late to every lab, you don’t read or bring your manual, you sit in the back of the classroom on your phone during every lecture and demo and then ask the most basic questions we spent twenty minutes covering during the demo you ignored. so, no. you do not get to sit here in a 1500 word email defining the concepts of “i do, we do, you do” as a teaching strategy to us like we’re children, especially as that is literally the entire structure of our lab and you constantly refuse our help when we come to your lane and ask how you’re doing)

(she also specifically says in this email that our student tutors, who are hand-selected by faculty from the top of each class, aren’t good enough for her because they won’t be the ones grading her on practicals, so it has to be one of us full time faculty members for at least an hour at a time so she can basically go through the entire practical and get point by point feedback so she can get good scores on her exams, and holy mother of the sweet baby Jesus i know go out of my way to defend millennials when people call us entitled but this is the most entitled email i have ever received)

(plus even if i did have an hour to spare in my week you best believe i’m not going to be spending it watching someone doing literally the most basic skills we teach in the entire program, i’m not joking, these are the things you graduate and then never do again because the techs do them forever after, because they are zero skill, 100% procedure, no interpretation or thought process required beyond rote memorization. oh my God! what are you going to do in the fall when you have to turn on your brain and solve actual problems and diagnose live pathology in real time? what are you going to do when you start seeing patients by yourself? are you going to pay a faculty member to sit in there for three hours then too so you can get feedback skill by skill for the rest of your life? we’re two weeks in and she’s already saying things like her tuition is so expensive that the student tutors aren’t good enough for it. y’know, it’s funny, there are 40 other people in your class and somehow they are all managing to not demand the faculty turn into private paid tutors for a single student, and instead are a) asking questions in lab & getting help & correction where they need/want it, and b) buckling down and practicing until they get it right, amazing!!!)

(if your tuition is that important to you how about you show up on time to my lab)

FORGIVE ME THIS IS NOT WHY I STARTED THIS POST

I was GOING to say that despite all of this i managed to get almost every major thing done this week that i needed to, and the only things i need to do next week are email out a few things and print a few things, and then we’re back on track in as normal a routine as things can be right now. only then i got that email and boy i’m steamed

but y’know what, hamlet’s here & cute and it’s supposed to be a lovely weekend and i’ve got functioning a/c at the end of the day, so NO MORE COMPLAINING, ONLY REST AND RELAXATION UNTIL MONDAY

HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE

[memento-mariii]

That last post I reblogged reminds me of the first time I ever experienced misogyny. Or as I like to call it, ~Baby's First Taste of Misogyny~

You see, until then, I was really lucky. I was never catcalled or sexually harassed, and my parents never made me feel that the most important thing about me was my looks. In fact, since I was one of those kids with ADD whose neurodivergence manifested as something that could be miscontrued as brilliance, I think they were convinced that I was going to up to find the Cure for Cancer(TM), or become a SuperLawyer(TM), or something. (Sorry for being a disappointment, Mom & Dad! Love ya!)

I was so successfully shielded from sexism until then, to the point that I used to be one of those girls who think that feminism is a little silly. After all, haven't we already achieved equality? Isn't sexism a thing in the past? (Spoiler alert: no we haven't and no it isn't. Sadly.)

Fast forward to first year of high school. Or maybe it was third year of middle school? As a teen, I have been to a lot of science programs, to the point I can't exactly remember which was which, so I can't pinpoint the exact time. But I do remember hating Twilight back then-I vividly remember reading a twihate blog on livejournal on the bus to the SNU-so it must be when Twilight was still popular, or at least when it was still relevant.

So, late middle school or early high school: since I was something of a teacher's pet, and a straight-up-A student to boot(this is not a humblebrag; me being excellent at high school has zero bearing on the clusterfuck that is my life now; I guess I peaked at high school), my science teacher offered me a chance to go to Seoul National University's science outreach program. I use the term "outreach program" loosely- the program taught us nothing about science, it was more of a "come and get to know our school, so more of you'll enroll and we'd have more tuition to build more unnecessary buildings with" kind of deal. (I'm sure there's a word for that in English, but I'm not a native speaker and nothing comes to mind, so I'll keep on referring it as an outreach program)

Nevertheless, I was STOKED. In case you don't know, Seoul National University is one of the best, if not the best school in South Korea. It also happened to be my dream college.

So, on that fateful day, I, accompanied by handful of other students from our school's science club, show up to SNU and are joined by similar students from other schools. They lead us to a boring white room with a beam projector in it. Then a guy, in his late-thirties or so, comes in and talks about the school, what kind of stuff they teach, how natural sciences are awesome and you shouldn't ever think about going to engineering school(if it wasn't obvious, the outreach program was directed by SNU's natural sciences department and not the whole school, har har), et cetra. I'll call this guy the Speaker, because to this day I have no idea if that dude was supposed to be a professor, a tutor, a faculty member, or some rando that happened to work in the department.

Soon, the Speaker guy is done with his speaking, and he asks if anyone has any questions. Two or so dudes raise their hands, and he picks one and answers his question. Then he says that this time, he'll take a question from one of the girls. None of us raise our hands-I don't know why, maybe they were busy taking notes? I, for one, had tons of questions I was dying to ask, but was to shy to actually raise my hands, so maybe they too were shy?-whatever it was, it wasn't because of plain disinterest, because remember: those girls wanted to come. They were handpicked by their teachers as students most likely to be interested in the outreach program. All of them were members of their school's science clubs. And remember!!! the guys weren't that different either!!! only two of the guys had raised their hands, so that's only two people less!!!

So imagine my surprise, when out of the blue, OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE, this idiot opens his gapehole and says---

"솔직히 여학생들은 이런것보다 솥뚜껑 운전이 더 편하죠, 안그래요?"

What he said is a misogynistic Korean slang, so it's hard for me to translate exactly, but the gist of it goes like this.

"Honestly girls would be better off staying in the kitchen and making and sandwiches than doing something like this(as in, studying STEM) am I right?"

I am shocked. I am flabbergasted. Remember, this guy's job is to leave a good impression of the school to the students so that they'd want to return there when they graduate. But this idiot, this absolute buffoon, comes up and invokes the Korean equivalent of the tired phrase, "make me a sandwich"! This is such a monumentally stupid move on his part, to this day I have no idea what he was thinking. Again, his job was to leave a good impression of the school! What was he trying to achieve with such a jab? Doesn't the school have any sort of sensitivity program? I'd assume he could get in huge trouble if any of the students reported his behaviour to the administration! He had nothing to gain, and everything to lose from saying such a thing! What was he thinking? It makes no logistical sense. If it wasn't my first-hand experience, and I heard this from somebody else, I'd think they were bullshitting me. Sometimes even I wonder if it was just a fever dream. It's that stupid! It makes! no! sense!

The students aren't exactly enraged, but we're not laughing along either. If anything, we're confusedly sharing awkward glances with each other. And because men like this are astronomically bad at getting a clue, the idiot prattles on:

"I feel bad for you girls. You don't actually want to be here, but your parents are forcing you to do it because they are too conceited."

Conceited for what? Supporting and encouraging their daughter's passion for science? For thinking that their daughters were good enough to be equal to their male colleagues in STEM? For thinking that their daughters could ever achieve anything more than "staying in the kitchen and making sandwiches"? Who is the one that's being conceited here? And motherfucker, how dare you insult my parents like that?

The atmosphere is getting tangibly awkard now. The discomfort is real. And the speaker, fool that he is, finally catches on. He abruptly and clumsily changes the subject, and luckily for everyone, it's time for restroom breaks not long after that.

I didn't need to go to the bathroom, not really, but I go anyway to lock myself in the stalls and gather my thoughts for a bit. After the bathroom break is over, it's time for another speaker to speak, so that awful speaker has already left the room(thank God!). The rest of the day goes by in a blur, and I don't have much memory of it.

A disclaimer: after that incident, I was invited to a lot of different science outreach programs, some of it manned by the Seoul National University, and all of them were really educational and all around delightful. I have nothing but fond memories of them. In fact, I can only think of one instant when a university-led science program wasn't fun, and that's the incident I have detailed above. So I won't call SNU itself misogynistic, just that the first of their outreach program I went to was....weird. They didn't even teach science(all of the other outreach programs I went to taught ar least some science), it didn't look like it was sanctioned by the whole school, only the natural sciences department, and there were like kids from only a handful of schools(all the other outreach programs I went to had kids from at least tens of schools). So.... I don't really know what happened, behind the scenes.

Despite all that, SNU continued to be my dream university.

Even though I now had a newfound anxiety about never being seen as an equal by my male peers, I continued to love science and ended up majoring in Chemical Engineering. (I didn't end up going to the SNU though, but not for lack of trying. The school I go to is pretty rad too, but not as rad as SNU.)

I wish I could tell you what happened to the sexist speaker, but I honestly have no idea. But I hope he got fired. I can say only one kind thing about that guy, and it's that he made me realize that sexism and misogyny are alive and well in this day and age, which led to me becoming a feminist.

So, thank you for that, Mr. Speaker from my memories. Let's not meet again.

[orbanrone]

something about my life

Hello, there.

I haven’t told y’all what I’ve been up to all this while. So uhh I’ve been working as an Admin Clerk at a tuition school and also a part-time Tutor there so I’d get some income on the side.

TBH, I just wanna talk about my tutor job here because it’s the more interesting one out of the two. Plus, you guys could probably figure out what I do for the first job.

Alright. Where do I begin? I took up the teaching gig in July. (Yup, let’s just say that’s a good head start lol) At first, it was supposed to be a one-time stint as a substitute tutor for an English Year 6 class in the first week of that month. Their teacher cancelled so I stepped up to the plate and went for it. I mean, it’s English - one of my favourite subjects - and it’s primary school level which makes it all the more convenient for me. I taught the class and everything went fine - sort of. Well, it can be hard to tame kids but nothing out of the ordinary. Oh wait, no, there was this boy who talked in falsetto for reasons I don’t know. (NANI TF?? CREEPY!) Right, other than that, it was a normal lesson with noisy kids.

A few days later, news came that their teacher decided to quit due to personal reasons. Two of the tuition school’s tutors and I happened to just talk about it shortly after we found out. I was actually just saying casually that I was willing to fill in as a teacher temporarily while the school searched for an actual replacement. Yet, somehow the conversation gradually steered its way towards my taking the job up completely. My correspondents in the conversation were pretty good at convincing me to do so. However, I still didn’t have the courage to directly approach the higher-ups regarding the matter. HAHAH. Hence, I thought nahh maybe I’m not gonna do it after all. That’s what I thought until I got a text from the school’s Supervisor (dunno what’s her actual position but I was told it’s that. I would’ve called it something else but who am I to do so? haha.) offering me the teaching position. Apparently, she asked one of the two tutors I spoke with last time to be the replacement but the tutor turned it down and actually insisted that I take it instead. LOL. Funny, he did tell me a couple of times he already told the higher-ranking staff about my interest in the teaching position but I didn’t think they would comply with him. In the end, I said yes and that was how I got the job.

Okay, I think I will end my story here for now. I intended on writing about my students but I feel like this is too long already so I might put up a part two soon (I HOPE). 

I guess this is where I bid you good bye! 

[northfinchleytutors]

Saturday School Diaries

I’ve been going to North Finchley Tutors for a year now. The main thing it’s helped me with is my confidence. I used to be really worried about putting my hand up in class and giving the wrong answer to a question, but now I feel more comfortable putting myself out there because I’m one step ahead with the work. Saturday school in Finchley.

10.00: I get to Woodhouse College for ten and the first thing we do is log on to computers and begin some online exercises as a warm-up. I sit with my friends and ask them how their week was. Everyone is really friendly here and I’ve made a few friends my age. The tutors are really nice too, they come and ask us how we are and what we’ve been up to this week.  Saturday school in Finchley

 10.15: First period. I’m in a group of about four others who are at the same level as me. We work on English first. This is the part I struggle with the most - I really like reading and writing, but my exam technique needs work. We begin by going through the GCSE texts as a group and reading them out loud, then we break off into individual work. The tutor is there to help us individually and answer any questions we may have. She also gives us feedback to our answers towards the end of the lesson. This half term we are working in Macbeth for the AQA GCSE English examination.

 11.15: Second period. I stay in my group because we are all working on the same things at the same level, but some of the younger kids get mixed into different groups according to what they are working on next. For me, it’s creative writing tuition. I love drawing and being creative, but I find it a bit harder when it comes to putting my creativity into words. My tutor found a fun way to help me with this though - she gives me a picture to describe and write creatively about. She also knows I love to draw, so when there is a written question like “write a creative piece about a trip to the beach,” she’ll let me spend a bit of time drawing a picture of the beach first, and then write creatively about it. I find this really helps my creative writing because I can really see the environment I’m describing in my work and it encourages me to use lots of imagery in my writing. Saturday school in Finchley

12.15: Third period. One more period until lunch. This time we are working on GCSE poetry tuition, today its Ozymandias by Percy Shelley, something which I don’t really enjoy but know I need to improve. We work our way through different language techniques and my tutor lets us talk and discuss examples to help us understand them. We then spend the rest of the lesson reading through a poem, identifying these language techniques and working on our language analysis. At my school, our teacher gets us to annotate for ages and we don’t seem to get practice writing whereas at North Finchley Tutors, Amber teaches me how to structure an answer which is something I thought I could never do.

13.15: Lunch time! We are given yummy sandwiches and snacks. If we don’t eat specific foods, they’ll take that into consideration. No one ever goes hungry! We have half an hour to eat and play and relax with our friends.  Saturday school in Finchley

14.00: I spend the rest of the afternoon working on GCSE Maths tuition. It’s every bit as interactive as English because you can really discuss different interpretations of the answers, and my tutor is always there to help me with anything I need. He really knows how to explain things in a way that makes sense. I have had tutors in the past that just sort of tell you how to do the work, rather than actually taking the time to go through the topic until you get it. During the lesson I also get called to the side to go through homework corrections one-on-one with another tutor. I must say, this maths teacher is the best maths teacher anyone could ask for. Words cannot express how I just understand. He’s a bit like the demon headmaster!

15.00: Last period - more GCSE Maths tuition. I was supposed to do GCSE Science tuition but I will carry on with the work I was doing and I don’t change groups because I have a Maths test coming up next week. At about half past we are put onto the computers to finish the day with some online exercises.  Saturday school in Finchley

16:00: Home time. I go home with my folder filled with homework to complete for next week. You may think it was a long day but I loved it. Time to go home and get ready to be back next week. Can’t wait to tell everyone about how my Maths test went!

[fairy-studies-blr]

School is tough. I get it. Sometimes you just want to curl up into a ball and never go outside again. This post contains advice peope have given me over the years as well as stuffed I’ve picked up on my own, regarding how to do well in highschool/college etc. All of the tips below are things I have personally done to help make my studies easier. I hope they help you. 

Write everything down: 

I mean everything. Of course you should write down due dates, but also put in any meetings you have to go to, events at your school, even things having to do with your social life. I use one calender for everything so that when I’m planning activities I know how much homework I have to do on any one day and can plan around that. 

Plan ahead: 

This goes with what I just said, don’t only write down the date that a paper is due, decide when you’ll start doing research for it, when you’ll make the outline, when you want to have draft 1 done, etc. Do this for anything that takes longer than a day to complete. Doing this will hopefully help reduce stress and make your workload more manageable. 

Make to-do lists: 

Everyday make a list of all the homework you have to finish that day and then start checking things off as you complete them. The amount of satisfaction I get from checking everything off my to-do list is unbelievable. Also be specifc with your lists. Instead of writing “study for french test,” write “review vocab,” “study notes,” “practice writing portion” etc. You will feel more accomplished being able to check off all of these smaller tasks as you do them. 

Prep your things the night before: 

There is nothing worse than arriving at school and realizing you left the assignment you were supposed to turn in that day at home. To avoid this pack your backpack the night before with any books/homework/whatever that you need to bring to school the next day. You can lay out your outfit for the next day as well to save time getting ready in the morning. 

Give yourself time to breathe: 

Everyone has their limits, don’t overfill your schedule to the point where you have no time for yourself. Make sure to block out time each week to do something that you want to do, whether it’s reading, watching netflix, or hanging out with friends. Remember your mental health is more important than your studies. Always put yourself first.

Ask teachers for help: 

Go to your professors if you don’t understand an assignment, have questions about your grade, are having trouble in their class, or for anything else you can think of. The vast majority of teachers want to see their students suceed and will be happy to help you with anything you need. 

Be a good student: 

Now when I say this I don’t mean that you have to have amazing grades in your class or study ad nausium. What I mean is make an effort to show up to class, try to participate when possible, turn in assignments on time etc. Basically show the teacher that you are activialy engaging in the learning process. What I’ve learned is that teachers are much more likely to “bend the rules” for students that show they are really attempting to do their best. 

Not everything has to be perfect:

It is much better to turn in a badly done assignment than to not turn anything in at all. Trust me. Sometimes you have to settle for turning in something that is not your best work. 

Find a good study space: 

Everyone likes to study in different environments, some people prefer being alone in their room, others like to study in coffee shops, the point is figure out what kind of environment you need to be in, in order to succesfully study. Ask yourself what kinds of distractions you need to eliminate before you study. Make a routine of going to your study space(s) and studying for a certain amount of time. This will help you get into the habit of studying. 

Take advantage of your school’s resources:

If your school offers tutoring services, special study sessions, etc. use them. Many times these resources are included in the cost of tuition, so since you already paid for them, why not use them. 

Ok that’s it for this post. There were definately more things I remembered that I was not able to include because then this post would have been too long, but if you would like to see a part 2 let me know. Good luck in all your future studies!

[hajimailhinata]

hey hajime? homes been really stressful because im severely failing one of my classes in school and its already nearly the end of the first marking period, plus its senior year. outside of that i dont even have a job and i dont know how to start looking, and even then who would want to hire me. im sorry i dont mean to bother you with dumb problems i brought upon myself but. i know youll prob just say something like "but thats what im here for" so. please help me if you can, i need some guidance.

That is what I’m here for, and they’re not dumb problems! You didn’t bring them upon yourself, either. I bet you studied really hard and did your best in that one class, especially if people at home were bothering you about it. And how’re you supposed to job hunt if you don’t know how to start? Those are two very real issues, and I’d never put you down for them. I’m just sorry you’ve had to deal with them by yourself. I don’t know if I can be of any help, but I tried to think about the situation over the time I spent away.

First off, your class… Senior year is important, it’s true. From the way it sounds, you’re going to continue school, right? That’s why you’re worried about grades. But let me tell you, schools don’t worry about the first grade! What universities look at is improvement. Sure, GPA counts for something, but being able to show considerable improvement is just as important, especially with a rough patch on your records. So right now, don’t let that class get to you. It can’t be changed, so… what’s important is focusing on what you can do this next period. That probably won’t help your home situation, but keeping that in mind can help you bear it and maintain your sanity.

It’s not embarrassing to seek out tutoring if you need it. If you’re struggling with your class, pursue outside resources to help you improve for the next grading period. Getting that done is more important than agonizing over what’s already past. Are there textbooks you can read? Enrichment assignments? A tutoring program at all? If all else fails, talking to others in the class or even the teacher can go a long way. If I knew the class, I’d even see if I could find you something online. 

Videos can be helpful with math, and visual activities are good for sciences… For writing and stuff, practicing with other students offers perspectives helps you to broaden your way of thinking and work more flexibly. Try new methods. Just remember that you can still change this, and so long as you’re able to show progress, you’re still just as valid for getting into college as anybody else. Even with one bad mark, you can still write a good case for yourself to bypass the entrance bar anyway. Colleges are a business first and foremost, and they’re willing to work with you so long as they get their tuition payments. Don’t worry too much. Just continue to try hard, and don’t feel weird looking for help.

As for a job, well… I actually don’t know much about that sort of thing. I… never graduated. And I never will. I spent all my time studying with my parents paying all my fees, and now… I just kind of live here? I’ve never had a job. I do know a little, though. When you’re looking for jobs without a resume to back you up, it’s important not to be picky and not to overshoot. You can’t really get a good job without job experience and contacts to refer you, so that’s why landing an entrance position is the first career.

For most students, fast food and grocery stores are the norm. Stores in general, actually. Those are the kind of jobs you should look at; They’re less picky, even if the pay isn’t all that great starting out, and are known for letting in blank slates. The key to getting a job is to be stubborn, too- Apply anywhere and everywhere that’s a good start! Don’t be over ambitious, just focus on local businesses where other students are known to have been employed. Submit as many applications as you can! If you have volunteer work on record, you can ask the teacher who moderated those activities to speak for you as reference, too.

It’s kind of vague, I know, but… For a kid just starting out, that’s how everyone usually has to do it. Applying indiscriminately to every position within their range of travel. Sooner or later, persistence comes to fruition, especially with those low level jobs I was talking about. Keep your phone on hand for the calls, because missing them usually means they won’t call you back. Be ready for them, and dress well for interviews. Practice speaking, but know not to exaggerate too much. Tell the truth as sweetly as you can, avoiding things that sound too unpleasant.

Your first job probably won’t be the greatest, but you’ll need something to write down for your job history. It’s only one you have your starting point that other jobs will begin to look at you. You can worry about career-related jobs once you’re actually out of school, so don’t fuss too much in advance. There’s time for that later.

..Does that make sense? I’m not sure. But… Yeah, that’s my advice.

Listen. People will tell you this is a critical period to your life, but I’m saying it’s not. Early jobs, first term grades… Sure, they’re important to get a nice start on, but it’s not impossible to recover from if you’re late to the job market, or you slip up. You can make changes. You’ll figure something out. Graduating is hardly the start of your adult life, as much as people want you to believe. Even graduates are still struggling to figure things out, so don’t worry. You have time. And no matter what happens, it’s too early in your life for you to be totally ruined.

I believe in you, but I know that alone isn’t very comforting. So.. go forward with my best wishes. This is your future, after all. Nobody can ruin it. You can only keep molding it.

[winajit007]

Schooling

I studied till class seventh in a private school which was situated around 800 meters from my home. The relevance of private school in the village was due to English language. People of the village used/still use to think that in the government school teachers do not teach English and it is not good for children’s future. They were right. In the government schools English language used to introduced to the students in class six. Before class six, the students were not even aware of the alphabets of English language.

The Private School, where I used to go, was small one. Made of  mud, brick and wood. The class rooms were virtually separated. Benches were not meant for preschool children (nursery and KGs). The number of teachers were exactly the same as the number of the classes. The parents were keen and hopeful to sent their kids to the private schools to one more reason rather than English language and that was corporal punishments. The teachers of these schools had a hobby to beat students from green bamboo sticks. They were never out of  bamboo sticks because the school was surrounded by bamboo. It’s needless to say that the teachers of the private school were underpaid and unqualified to teach. No other teachers except the principal of the school had a B.Ed. degree (a minimum qualification to teach in the school). Most of them had secondary or senior secondary level education and some of them were pursuing graduation. All of them were looking for a better, well-paid jobs so the teachers were keep changing often.

There was another aspect of teaching system in my village and it was private tuition. Most of parents (who were serious about the education of their children) were supposed to hire a private tutor). Needless to say they were also underpaid and unqualified to teach. They were selected mostly from the school where the children is studying. The tutors were also selected based on the strictness. The more you are a strict teacher the more you will get a chance to get extra employment as a tutor. Strict, here, does not only mean that coming keeping the children on the track by applying rigid time-table but also it implies the harshest corporal punishments.

Similarly my primary education process was not different than an average child of my village.

[goodthingsnc]

Charles Jones Alumni of North Chicago

Hometown: Raised in Los Angeles, CA and North Chicago, IL Education: 2017 graduate of Lake Forest College Degree: B.A. Major: English Employer: North Chicago Community Partners Theme: Always connecting, always learning Advice: “Have a purpose. You have to find something that gives you a strong reason to wake up in the morning.”

Charles was a kindergartener when he became a Dreamer, receiving mentoring, tutoring, and encouragement to excel throughout his school career in North Chicago.

The Lake Forest College graduate recalls the special activities--from theater outings to camping trips to college tours. But the best part? “I always did my homework after school with the Dreamers,” Charles remembers, “so I never went home with the stress of homework. School was always a great thing for me.”

His mother--who adopted him and his brother when they were babies--advocated for him. When high school English proved too easy, she brought in his 8th grade scores and requested honors courses instead. “She always said, ‘Get your bachelor’s, master’s, Ph.D., go all the way. Education is the way to success!’”

“I believe that,” says Charles, “but that can be quite an arduous thing to believe, because the end goal is so far away. I’ve seen a lot of my students feel dissuaded to perform, because they think, ‘Oh, I’m not going to use this in life.’ They have good reason to say that--some of the things you learn you’re not going to use in your everyday life. But I tell them that school is also designed to teach you how to study. You’re basically being designed to learn.”

When Charles’ mother and brother had to return to L.A. for financial reasons, he stayed in North Chicago to finish high school, living with nearby families who offered to host him. He exudes gratitude for this extended family, not of blood, but of choice. “Everything is interwoven; that’s why I love telling my story,” he insists. “I’ve had phenomenal women become mothers to me. That’s why I say being a mother is not a title, it’s a lifestyle. It’s what you do. It’s how you mother.”

At Lake Forest College, Charles joined a handful of clubs, but chose dance team as his priority. “In retrospect, some of the moves weren’t really cool,” he laughs, “but I was so enthralled with being part of a team, a coalition of humans you share something with.” His blossoming love for the written word led Charles to performance poetry. During college summers, Charles worked with high schoolers as a Writing Workshop Resident Assistant. His own confidence as a writer and poet grew, leading to more performance opportunities on campus.

Today he’s back at his former high school, working as program associate with North Chicago Community Partners, a nonprofit that seeks to bridge the achievement gap. One of their initiatives is the Quiet Zone, “a lunchtime program where students can eat in a safe place and talk with someone about what’s going on, relax, and be yourself in this room created for you.” Charles wants to be one constant in students’ lives, and he offers resources in response to their interests, from poetry workshops to guitar lessons.

“Every student has the potential to just be great, but you have to be diligent, and you have to be open to hear their stories. There’s always something you can learn. I’m trying to be more open to people, because we can both edify each other with a conversation and walk away smarter than when we entered into it.”

Two days a week he heads to a second job at Lake Forest Library, as he saves money for his own place, and thinks about graduate school. He’s a future thinker.

“Whenever I see a student who is apathetic about school, the first question I ask is, ‘What do you want to do after high school?’ Learning itself means nothing if you’re not searching for something bigger than what you’re already doing. So, I encourage them to have a purpose. You have to find something that gives you a strong reason to wake up in the morning.”

That’s part of why he’s back in North Chicago. “I don’t want to just see a 100 percent graduation rate at the high school. What good is a 4.0 student if they’re struggling with depression, anxiety, things at home? I want to bring the social and emotional into the educational sphere. If you can’t understand a student, there’s no way to teach them.”

“Imagine how many students have to worry about their home life? How on earth are you supposed to teach them,” he wonders, “when they haven’t had a meal in the morning, when they’re agitated, frustrated? If the teacher doesn’t realize that, she’s going to assume this student is just being apathetic, when in reality, it’s his background hindering his performance. Teaching is not just facilitation and curriculum. That’s why I’m so particular with how people teach, and how people respect our students.”

“Our students also need more black and brown teachers,” Charles emphasizes. “If they don’t see that, how can they even think, ‘OK, that’s a job I can potentially have’? You have all these students sitting down, and someone with white skin teaching standing up. Kind of an interesting dichotomy that’s created there.”

Through moves and college and now back to North Chicago, Charles has kept in contact with his kindergarten teacher, Ms. Criswell. He credits her alongside his mother and other adults in his life for his wisdom-beyond-his-years. “But I really have God to thank for all this grace. I’m really using my talents, my gifts, to help out as much as I can.”

I Have A Dream empowers children to achieve higher education and fulfill their leadership potential by providing them with guaranteed tuition support and equipping them with the skills, knowledge, and habits they need to gain entry to higher education and succeed in college and beyond. The North Chicago, IL I Have A Dream class of 2017 formed when an entire kindergarten class was adopted in 2001. Most participants—known as Dreamers—have now graduated from college and are pursuing their careers.

[dowagerintraining]

Asking For Help

Hello everyone

I have posted this on facebook, but I am hoping that some of the people on Tumblr, even though we have never met, might have a little sympathy for my story, and may be willing to help me out. If you can’t, or don’t want to, I don’t blame you. After all, for all that I write #Banna fanfic and share silly memes and cat pictures, I am just a random bunch of pixels on the internet to most of you. Some of you know me from Tumblr, a handful of you know me in real life, and many of you known me from fanfiction.net, where I write under the same username. Some of you don’t know me at all. I am at my wits end right now. And frankly willing to try anything. Anything at all. So here’s the story. My husband and I have been trying to move to New Zealand for the past two years. I have an interview for a job there tomorrow, to start at the end of January. It might all be about to come together. And in those few moments, it all might be about to fall apart financially. I don’t know how to make this work any more, for him, for me, and for our beloved fur babies, our beautiful cats. I need to ask for help, and so this is what I’m doing. Here is the link to the GoFundMe that I have set up. But if you want the details, you can also access them under the cut.

https://www.gofundme.com/help-the-halls-get-to-new-zealand

I’m not truly believing that I am doing this. But I guess that nobody who starts a ‘GoFundMe’ ever imagines themselves in this position. It’s 1 o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep, and can’t get my brain to switch off and wind down because I can’t see a way through this right now. So hello everyone. I am asking for your help. Many of you may already be aware that we, my husband Spike and I, have been investigating moving to New Zealand. We’ve been pursuing this for many reasons. We’ve been looking into this for two years now and this is absolutely the right thing for us to do, to secure our future prosperity, to guarantee our own going health and well-being and to give us the life that we need in order to be healthy and happy people.

 And I need to ask for your help towards making this happen.

 This is not a honeymoon. It’s not a wild dream holiday, trekking through beautiful middle earth wilderness. It is not the trip of a lifetime. It is a solid, well researched and absolutely necessary change to our lives.

 1) we need a clean break from the UK, to leave our old lives behind and build a future. We both have so much baggage and we know that this is our best hope to make a firm and final break and get on with building our lives. My husband Spike has worked hard to overcome a rocky start in life. Those of you who know us personally know that he has fought a brave battle against mental health problems, and with support and encouragement he can defeat this and life a healthy and wonderful life. However, living here in the UK is like living in a personal haunted house, full of many of the worst memories and fears, and we need to move away in order for him to gain his emotional and mental freedom.

 2) the brexit process and changes to FE funding means that funding for my job (English and Maths in adult education) may not be so plentiful or readily available as it has been before and I need to make sure I can work in a career to support my family. I have already had to change jobs every 1-2 years as companies can lose funding and go bust, or hand back contracts, with very little notice. Job stability does not exist in my sector, and after 7+ years of this, I am exhausted and not sure how much more I can take.

 3) the education system in NZ is an excellent match for me. I didn’t choose NZ because LOTR was pretty, I chose it because I read their national curriculum and fell in love. I realised I had been teaching on the wrong side of the world. This isn’t speculation, I know this. I have already completed my NZ teaching course. I excelled at it. My professor told me that so far in my career I had been ‘a fish in the wrong ocean’ and I needed to ‘get out to NZ and start working there as soon as possible.’ I had a brilliant experience working at a NZ high school, far better than any other place/sector I have worked in while in the UK. I passed my course with flying colours, scoring ‘Highly Developed’ in two categories of criteria and ‘Well Developed’ in the third. This is where I am supposed to be.

 4) NZ is an excellent match for us. A better work life balance, good future prospects, a healthcare system that works for our needs, and education system that works for my career.

 Many of you knew this already, but it never hurts to write it down. And now I am going to ask for your help.

 So why are you asking for help now? What’s changed?

 Well, in short, I’m starting to get offered interviews for positions in New Zealand, and suddenly the clock is ticking awfully loudly.

 I have one coming up tomorrow, and the chances of me being offered the job are looking EXTREMELY promising. There are another three schools who have asked for my references and been in touch about potential interviews. After two long years of trying, these people want me to go and work for them. The schools are looking for someone to start in late January 2018.

 All of the hard work so far has paid off, and it has been a long two year slog. This stuff is long and complicated and costs so far have included:

 1)   Applying for passports for both of us (£145)

2)   Applying for two different police certificates (approx. £100)

3)    Assessing all of my qualifications to have them accepted by New Zealand’s Education Council (£370)

4)   Enrolling on and completing the TERP (Teacher Education Refresher Programme). This included fees of £2000, Flights to NZ of £1200, living expenses for the month, including £400 rent, £400 food and £200 travel costs. I also had to cover our rent at home and Spike’s living costs for the month, which were the same again. All in all, completing the TERP has cost me more than £5500.

5)   Applying for my registration as a teacher with the education council. (£150)

 Due to the strict rules on exporting animals, we’ve had to start planning for Boomer and Athena to come with us months in advance. This has included Rabies vaccinations (£100) and blood tests to confirm the success of the vaccinations (£220).

 This process, so far, has cost over £6000, and we are barely half way there.

 Talk about what the support will mean to you

 Sitting down tonight, knowing that I have an interview tomorrow, I am suddenly faced with the true facts of how much money we need to find in the next three months and I don’t know where we’re going to get it.

 We had hoped that we were going to get some help financially relocating. But this support is not available to non-Kiwis.

 I had been pursuing a legal case against an irresponsible lender, but after six months I have still not heard whether my case is going to be fully investigated, and even if it is, the outcome could take months more. One by one our avenues of income are closing off, and just as things are looking likely, my hopes for ways to pay for them are looking close to non-existent.

 I am already working as hard as I can. I work full time, in a demanding job. I run my own tutoring business, offering private maths and English tuition. I have, at the moment, 13 clients on top of my full time job. I teach, on average, two people per day for intensive 1-to-1 support, on top of working full time, and three people have sessions with me each day on weekends, sometimes for two hours each. I don’t have days off unless someone cancels an appointment. I used all of my paid annual leave to go to New Zealand and work full time for my placement. On top of that, I took on a third job this year marking 720 GCSE examination scripts over the summer. At peak season, I worked from 7am until 10pm Monday to Friday, and 9am to 10pm Saturday and 9am to 6pm on Sunday. I felt guilty for taking Sunday night off, but I needed some time in the week to do my university coursework.

 I wish that was an exaggeration. It is not.

 I cannot physically squeeze any more pennies out of my time. Everything I have that is worth something, that I can physically bear to part with, has been sold. The car will be sold to cover the remaining finance owing on it before we go. We are in rented accommodation. Our furniture and fittings are second hand and falling apart, but will have to make the trip with us. We don’t have any more assets that can be liquidised.

 Your support will mean that we can do this, that I can stop working myself into a state for hours at a time, unable to sleep in the small hours of the morning, on a hair trigger temper every time someone reminds me what all this is going to cost, frightened that this dream, this chance of a healthy and happy life, is going to slip through our hands and leave us stranded because I cannot make the numbers add up.

 Describe who will benefit

 In short … we will. Me, my husband Spike, and our two beloved cats.

 Not only will this make our dream come true, it will:

 ·        Offer my husband a genuine chance to overcome his past and secure his health for the future

 ·        Keep our family together, preventing us from having to surrender the cats to a lifetime of rescue centre care. Athena is a three legged cat with complex future needs, Boomer is a black cat, and they are a bonded pair. Their chances of being adopted are statistically extremely low. And even leaving that aside, they are our family, and we cannot leave them behind. They belong with us.

 ·        Allow me to make the move with my physical and mental health intact without driving myself down and through exhaustion and a possible physical breakdown, before arriving and going straight into the equivalent of an NQT year.

 Detail what the funds will be used for

 At present, this is the breakdown of what we need.

 As soon as possible, we need to get our immigration medicals done. These are likely to be complicated and referred to New Zealand for second opinion, as Spike has both physical (diabetes) and mental (PTSD) health issues. I also have physical (asthma) and mental (anxiety) health histories which will need to be referred. The longer this takes, the tighter the deadlines get, and we are now up against a ticking clock.

They cost up to £400 each and can only be done by a specified list of consultants, in a limited number of locations. We need to raise £800 for this as soon as possible

 Assuming that I can get an essential skills VISA, this will cost me approximately £200 to apply for. This also needs to be started the day I get a job offer, or as soon as possible after that.

 We have received a quote for how much it will cost for us to take Boomer and Athena to New Zealand. The quote is £1700, via one of the very few companies who work with New Zealand’s department for dealing with importing live animals. On top of that, they both need to be in quarantine in Auckland, which needs to be booked and paid for before they can be booked on a flight out. We are looking at costs of up to £2000 to take our furry family members with us, not including going back to Auckland to collect them and transport them to wherever we end up.

 Then there’s our own stuff. This is going to have to be (in the case of our outdoor gear) professionally cleaned (to meet rules on contamination prevention regarding organic matter), packed and shipped, and then transported by road to wherever we end up. Including insurance, cleaning and the packing/shipping/delivery, this is going to cost in the region of £2000.

 Then, there are our flights. Current prices are looking at around £700 per one way ticket, and we are going to need two. This will enable us to fly economy to New Zealand, to one of the major airports, from Heathrow. For this, we need to budget approx. £1500 (which will include insurance for us both for the journey). We won’t be flying business or better – that would more than double the cost.

 Finally, there’s the small matter of what we do when we get there. We need somewhere to live. You KNOW how expensive it is moving to a new house in this country. It’s the same abroad. You need agency fees, 2 weeks rent in advance and four weeks bond. Assuming we can get a place that is comparable in cost to where we currently live, we need to find £800 to pay up front, in advance, to secure somewhere for us to live, before our stuff arrives and before we go to collect our furry family members from quarantine. Our options are already reduced, as not everywhere allows pets, and we have effectively ruled ourselves out of shared accommodation with that clause. And so beggers might not be able to be choosers. We will have to take what we can get and not haggle.

  This does not even cover some of the costs we will need to address once there. Such as getting a car, travelling from the airport to wherever we end up, finding a hotel room to sleep in when we land after a 30+ hour journey. I am hopeful that we can raise funds to cover that. We should be able to get (some of) the deposit back on the flat. I will have my final salary from my employer, and I should be entitled to some redundancy pay, but it won’t be much due to the caps introduced in 2017 and the fact that I am under 40. I am still pursuing the legal case, but the time frame on that has turned to jelly.

 I am not giving up. I will keep working all of the hours that every God sends me. I will keep tutoring. I will keep scraping and saving. I will take the resit marking this winter if it is offered to me. But I am living in fear right now that this will not be enough.

 Explain how soon you need the funds

 I am currently interviewing for jobs to start in 2018 at the end of January. Ideally, we need to be in New Zealand by around the 20th of January. The cats can’t actually leave the country before that point, so they might have to follow us later, which is an additional headache to consider.

 The thing is, everything needs to be done before then. Our medicals need to be done as soon as humanly possible. See above for reasons why.

 Once that’s done, the VISA needs to be applied for, and they can take up to three months, so that also needs to be started the day I get a job offer.

 The longer we wait, the more expensive and complicated things will become. We need to pay a 25% deposit for the cats’ international transfer 6-8 weeks before we leave, so by early December.

 We need to contact a removal company for an accurate storage quote and pay a deposit to secure their services.

 The longer we wait for the flights, the more expensive they will get. January is summer time in New Zealand, the flights are in peak season over there, as are all the accommodation options and internal transport options (car hire, bus, train, etc) to get us from the airport to wherever we end up staying.

 In short we need to raise this money now. As soon as possible. Otherwise, the whole thing is potentially going to fall through.

  Share how grateful you will be for help

  I have absolutely no right to ask for any of this. I can’t promise that there is anything in it for any of you, beyond knowing that you have helped us to achieve this dream. Should you ever make it out to NZ and turn up on our doorstep, our welcome and hospitality is open to you. But that was already the case.

 I’m really struggling for words to write this without sounding like a hackneyed X Factor contestant. This is our biggest shot at being happy and living a health life, rather than just surviving. This has been our every waking, breathing and speaking moment for the last two years. It will be until we get there. This will change our lives. And not in the sun-shiny Hollywood sense, but by giving us a shot at the future we want and need so dearly.

 I have set the total for this to cover what we need to get out there. But in all honesty, if it raises anything at all, I will cry with gratitude, because it will mean that people are willing to help us and we don’t have to carry this on our own.