#i was supposed to publish this yesterday but i got sidetracked

[mcbride]

Daryl Dixon Rewatch S1E02 - Alouette

what i loved the most about this ep was getting to know these kids, their way of living and surviving, and how that allowed us to take a look at Daryl's own stolen childhood. but first things first, Daryl's one track mind - his goal is to return home, in spite of everyone he has any kind of conversation with telling him home/family is who you're with now.

also sassy!Daryl is back full force, and that's one of the things i love the most about this show. some more thoughts after the jump...

it's ironic and hilarious, how Daryl was deemed the one, the messenger, to protect the new Messiah by Isabelle, and the dude keeps getting tricked, trapped, bested by old dudes and children and saved by a nun and some random kids. one thing is what the characters say and believe, and the other is what we are watching on screen. Daryl's not a hero, and the show is making that clear, IMO. not with words, but with action.

Father Daryl, plsss. the moment he is saying grace surrounded by a bunch of children is one of the most genuine Daryl moments in years. there's some kind of innocence and honesty we rarely see that gives us another look into who he is. slurping some good soup without a care in the world for one brief moment in time.

and then there's Mork and Mindy, and how Daryl smiles watching it with them kids, his own childhood feeling so close and far away, bringing up old memories, the only happy memories of his brother Merle while they were kids. it's beautiful.

the share a bed scene with Izzy no one asked for, but that is meant to show they getting to know each other, and i get it, the show is doing it to keep us wondering if something is gonna transpire, keep us interested and invested.

when Daryl says the kids can't miss something they never had (aka normal childhood), he is talking about his own childhood, and perhaps soooo much more he wished he got to live and experience. i will not mention Carol cause that seems wildly inappropriate, but there i mentioned her. she's his only link to who he was and who he is now. despite them never openly talking about their history, Carol knows Merle, knows where he comes from, the type of life he had, and they are connected through that pain of what life should have been like if they hadn't been hurt by people who were supposed to love them and protect them in the past. anywaysss, i just got way too deep.

Daryl's desperation to get to that radio and take him one step closer to getting home makes him do something he normally wouldn't: LIE!!

RJ, the asshole, is telling him all that matters is getting back home to his wife and kids, and Daryl be like "dude, same," but he gets uncharacteristically cruel when he tells him that there's no home to get back to, that everybody is gone, and i can't help but think that's Daryl's own fears talking.

"i'm better off on my own," he said. he was def not since the kids had to pull him out of that walker pit after he blew shit up, like he does. the funny part was when he gets up like an old man with bad knees. there goes that hero!Daryl image out the window once again. he's feeling his age lol

then Daryl does the most Daryl thing he's done since he got to France. he put down that walker!kid for Lou. that's who Daryl is. he cares about people, he will take the weight off of them and offer some comfort. he's not a hero, but he is a good guy with a good heart. he is a man of honor. Carol was right! and he apologizes for lying to Lou.

Laurent should have stayed with those kids at the preschool. he obviously didn't wanna leave, he made friends, and they could teach him everything he needs to know how to survive and live and be happy. but he is "special," or so his aunt says. imma say it again, if Laurent is to have a happy ending, this is exactly where he should end up at. s2 i'll be seated and waiting for you to deliver Carol and Daryl saving this kid together, and letting him live happily ever after with this group.

that final bonding moment between Daryl and Laurent is very moving. Daryl keeps telling him he is lucky to have people who love him and who will protect him, something he himself never had. this ep took one deep dive into Daryl's childhood while still giving us the Laurent origin story. WELL DONE, Zabel.

see y'all next week!!!!

50 days left until the premiere of THE BOOK OF CAROL!!!!!

[100dayproductivity]

81/100.

Uggh. Tumblrrr!! I haven't posted in days!

It's not that I haven't been productive. I have. I've been very busy with work and I don't need this 100 dop challenge for paid work. It's the at-home chores and being productive on days off that I struggle with. I have nothing pressing scheduled for today, which means I've got all kinds of time today for things like laundry, yardwork, dishes, decluttering, deep cleaning, one of my many "projects", etc, etc, etc... But do I feel any motivation at all to do any of it? Nope, none at all.

I don't even feel like making a to-do list today.

I have been continuing with my foray into text-to-image AI. I am using Night Café now and they have daily "challenges", which I have been entering daily. Here's my entry for the day-before-yesterday's challenge. The theme was "wizards and warlocks".

I really feel like being productive in some capacity right now, but not doing boring chores. I want to make some sort of progress wrt my financial situation right now, I think.

The situation is that I don't quite earn enough money with my current gig and I will need to earn just a bit more in the near future to meet all my expenses. I just need another gig, another piece that will dovetail into my current schedule. I'm just not sure what that piece is.

I really would like something I can do from home, on my laptop, on a flexible schedule. I have some skills that are marketable, I think. And other skills that are not marketable but potentially could be if I hone them a bit.

I was thinking that I'd really like to tap into my hyper-local market. I can leverage my personal and professional neighbourhood network.

And so then I was thinking that probably in order to do that it would probably be a good idea to have my own website. I don't mean like a Tumblr blog, I mean my very own website.

I had already started down the path of learning how to use WordPress some time ago, and I even got my own domain and got my first very own blog up and running! It was supposed to be my hobby blog, a means to explore my hobby whilst simultaneously learning to use WordPress. However, I sort of got sidetracked with Tumblr as my hobby blog place and my very-own blog has been sorely neglected. I think it no longer has a raison d'être.

I also seem to have fallen off the wagon for trying to learn to use WordPress.

I'm thinking I want my own website in order to be like a portfolio of sorts, to showcase what I am learning. Like, I have the basics of WordPress down, building my own site with WordPress would show that I do. And this AI stuff I'm learning, I could have a blog section to post about what I'm learning and how my knowledge of prompt writing is progressing. I also have eons of experience with MS Office Suite, though I need to brush up on the newest features. It's changed a lot over the years.

Idk, I'm thinking I want my own, non-anonymous, semi-professional, personal online hub that I can refer people to and that can evolve with me.

My WordPress hobby-blog was initially a way for me to learn how it all works, buying a domain and publishing a site and all that. I kept the cost super cheap. I was hesitant to spring for a "proper" site until I "knew what I was doing". I think I need to graduate myself from newb status and accept that I now have enough knowledge to publish my own professional-looking site!

Also, I think I'm starting to see all the obstacles I'm putting in front of myself. For example, I think one fear I have is that if I have my own site and share it with my network, I'll suddenly be fielding all kinds of requests for jobs I don't want to do or don't know how to do or don't have time in my schedule to do. Another fear is that I'll have to come up with regular blog posts or updates about what professional skills I can offer or am learning. Also, I get all twisted up when I begin to think about how I would potentially offer services. Like, do I need to figure out how to set up forms or what-not to receive payment??

Omg, stahhhp!! I'm making this far more complicated than it has to be! It doesn't need to be a fancy site with all the bells and whistles. It can literally be a static one-page resume-style site with a link to my LinkedIn profile. That's it! That's all it has to be! And then I can add to it as I go along. I could add a link to my pet-sitting profile (on a third-party website) and be like, "to hire me for this, go here". Then I could do the same for other specific jobs. Like, set up a Fiverr profile for specific tasks and then link to it. Or Upwork or whatever. Something like that. But I'd only turn on my availability for these other tasks during slow season for petcare. That way I won't be fielding requests when I don't have time for them.

Yep, that's the direction I think I want to take. I think I was just getting way ahead of myself. First I need a hub that's my own, then figure out what kinds of services I want to offer, then I can promote my services to my network and send them to my hub. Eventually I'd love to be able to work remotely, anytime anywhere, and my hub will come with me.

So what's the first step?

I think first I need to revisit my WordPress hobby-blog and decide what I want to do with it.

Thanks Tumblr. Good talk. 🤜🤛

[baoshan-sanren]

Quarantine Q&A 

I was tagged by @hildahuffle and @lan-xichens thank youuu 💕

Are you staying home from work/school?

Nope, essential worker right here 😊

If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

I am on a mini-vacation right now so it’s just me and cats and lots of cat cuddling

Are you a homebody?

Depends on the season really, I’m def more active in like temperatures above 15°C (60F) 😂

What movies have you watched recently? What shows are you watching?

I’m glad @lan-xichens mentioned Fatal Journey (I saw a movie yayy!) bc I was drawing a blank, like I don’t really watch movies? Having to commit to paying attention to something for 2 hours is just not one of my superpowers

I’m still watching The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty but it’s looking more and more like there’s an unnecessary hetero romance coming so I might give up on that before finishing off the season. 

And of course, I’m constantly rewatching different parts of The Untamed.

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Oh God, this is so depressing. The mini-vacation I’m on now was supposed to be a trip to Provincetown (Cape Cod) where I was gonna stay in this Narnia-looking inn for three days with like 360 degree views of the ocean? I’m still crying. I also had tickets to Dead Can Dance, Bikini Kill, and Boston Symphony Orchestra (who were going to perform Beethoven’s 7th Symphony for the first time in YEARS) so like I was looking forward to my life and now it’s all canceled.

What music are you listening to?

This is totally random but 2 days ago I discovered that T Bone Burnett and The Civil Wars did a soundtrack together for A Place At The Table (the 2013 documentary about hunger in U.S.) and I’ve been listening to that on repeat.

What are you reading?

So much fanfic omg

I’m still working my way through Songs Of The South (thank you @hunxi-guilai AGAIN) but I keep getting sidetracked, like someone made a post about 杜甫 Du Fu so the next thing I know, I’m hip deep in that rabbit hole (Huang Tingjian 黃庭堅 saying “there is no word that does not derive from elsewhere” 無一字無來處 I have feelings) and at the same time, I was doing some research for fic and got sidetracked (a recurring theme in my life) so now I have a copy of Myths and Legends of China by E. T. C. Werner I’m reading for fun (the illustrations in this are gorgeous)

What are you doing for self-care?

I’m writing A LOT of fanfic which I’ll never publish which is nice bc it’s just for me, and I don’t have to worry about other people liking it. I mean aside from that, like half my life is trying to keep to my self-care routines so I’m just plugging along.

Bonus:

Have you started any new hobbies?

As opposed to like the 3 new hobbies I start every week anyway? 😂 I tuned my guitar yesterday (which has been collecting dust for 2 years) and I blame T Bone Burnett soundtrack for this 100% bc now my fingers are killing me. I’m also doing Tarot readings, and I’m trying to make my own shampoo which means my kitchen is a disaster zone and everything stinks like lilac.  

Are you learning any new languages?

Define learning, like

I have this new obsession with Classical Chinese, but I’ve mainly been trying to keep up with stuff I’ve forgotten (”trying to keep up” is so misleading tho bc every once in a while I’ll just find a really cheesy Turkish drama with no subtitles and try and see how much of it I still understand)

Tagging: @arxiver87 @wangxiians @mika--82 @drwcn @lockedinabookstore

[mbtizone]

Nathan Scott (One Tree Hill): ESTP

Dominant Extroverted Sensing [Se]: Nathan is a natural athlete and the star of the Tree Hill High basketball team. One of the first things we see Nathan doing is stealing a school bus for a joyride with his teammates. He’s impulsive and lives in the now. Nathan often makes choices that he later regrets because he lacks the foresight to think about how his actions will impact him later. When he’s depressed about Haley leaving, he visits some relatives and drives race cars for fun. When the race is over, Nathan continues driving, going faster than he’s supposed to and crashes the car. During the school shooting, Nathan realizes that Haley is still in the building and goes in after her. When Lucas asks him if he has a plan, he simply says, “Yeah, I’m going to the tutor center and I’m gonna get Haley.” Lucas criticizes him for going up against a gun with a baseball bat, but Nathan doesn’t care. On the day of his wedding, Nathan and Haley are nearly in a collision with Cooper and Rachel. The limo they’re in goes off the bridge and into the water and, without hesitation, Nathan jumps in after them, saving both of their lives. While Nathan and Haley are having money problems, Nathan turns to a loan shark named Daunte, who is willing to give him money if Nathan agrees to shave points, which Nathan initially does. When he’s asked to throw the State Championship, he agrees, but in the moment, changes his mind and the Ravens win the game. Nathan fails to consider how Daunte might retaliate afterward. Daunte tries to hit Nathan with his car, but Haley sees and pushes him out of the way, and she gets hit instead. Nathan runs to the car, pulls Daunte out, and brutally beats him. While at a bar celebrating Nathan’s new shoe deal, fans of a rival team begin taunting him. He almost walks away, but when they bring Haley into it, he defends her honor and gets into a fight, which leads to Nathan getting thrown through a glass window, temporarily disabling him and effectively ruining his basketball career. When Jamie is missing, Nathan jumps in front of a police car to get them to stop and help, nearly getting himself killed. He sees opportunities and acts. If someone he loves is threatened, he reacts, usually without giving himself time to think.

Auxiliary Introverted Thinking [Ti]: If something makes sense to Nathan, he does it. Nathan perceives Lucas to be a threat and comes up with what he judges to be the best way to keep him from taking his life. Nathan gets to the point and expresses himself clearly and concisely. He does whatever he believes to be the best course of action. Nathan often thinks that he knows the best way to handle something, and can become stubborn once he reaches his own logical judgment about a situation, shutting out the thoughts and opinions of the people close to him.

Tertiary Extroverted Feeling [Fe]: When he was younger, Nathan used his Fe to get under people’s skin. He knows how to play on feelings to get a rise out of people (particularly Lucas). Nathan is charming and can get people to like him if he wants them to. When he first pursues Haley, he does it to upset Lucas, and he gets her to play right into his hands. He can be sweet, complimentary, and thoughtful when he wants to be. As he grows, Nathan begins to use this function in healthier ways. He becomes selfless, putting others and their welfare before himself. He also gets better at expressing his feelings, especially as his relationship with Haley progresses and he falls in love for the first time. His Fe develops even further when he becomes a father. He wants to help the people he cares about and becomes a shoulder for the people in his life to lean on. He is supportive, generous, and takes care of his loved ones. Nathan is fiercely protective and will spring into action if someone hurts his friends or family (Se-Fe).

Enneagram: 8w7

Inferior Introverted Intuition [Ni]: Nathan knows that he wants to someday join the NBA and he works towards this goal throughout high school and college until he makes it a reality. However, due to his often reckless behavior, he has major setbacks because he fails to consider his long-term objective when he acts on his impulses. He sees a future for himself and Haley and he looks forward to spending the rest of his life with her. At times, Nathan can lose sight of his vision for his future and get sidetracked, but once he regains his motivation, he works tirelessly to make his dreams come true.

Quotes:

Nathan: You have one chance, one life, and what you do with it is up to you.

Cop 1: What the hell are you doing? Nathan: My son is missing. Cop 1: Right, calm down. You could’ve got yourself killed! Nathan: We just left the wedding okay, all the guests are gone and my son missing. He’s four and a half years old. Cop 2: Have you been drinking sir? Maybe been to the reception? Nathan: What kind of question is that? ‘Have I been drinking?’ Cop 2: You need to listen to me… Nathan: No you listen to me! My name is Nathan Scott okay? My father is Dan Scott, he was arrested for murder, okay? He’s a bad guy and he was here today. Now either one of you two idiots gets on your radio right now and finds my son or I’ll knock you both out and I’ll do it myself!

Chris: Ah! Stop hitting me! Nathan: Stop kissing my wife!

Nathan: You know what? Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do? Give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That’s life. The confusion and fear, that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.

Brooke: Hi, Nate. Come in. It’s a tough day, huh? Nathan: Yeah. Brooke: I wish there was something I could do for you or Haley or Jamie. Nathan: Well, actually we were wondering if there’s anything we could do for you. Brooke: How do you mean? Why me? Nathan: We know that your mom has been pulling some stuff with the company, and I don’t know, I guess having dealt with parent insanity I wanted to check your head. See how you’re doing. Brooke: I’m fine. Really. Nathan: That sounds like something I would say. Look, this thing with losing Quentin, it-it’s hard. And I have a feeling its gonna be a pretty prominent thing in our lives for a while, but that doesn’t mean that your problems are any less important, that all of us aren’t here for you. Brooke: Look, like I said… Nathan: You’re fine. You can handle it. Its all good. Look, I hope that’s true and maybe it is but the thing is, the two of us have been down very similar roads. We were in the same cliques first, we both felt the same pressures, the same expectations. Our parents were like children and we both grew into kind of bad versions of ourselves way too fast. So I think you know I get it. Brooke: They never really gave us a chance did they? Our parents? Nathan: They didn’t know how. Look, the thing is, you made your dream happen, alright? And even though I didn’t quite get there, when it was taken away from me I dealt with it alone. That was stupid, selfish, and wrong. So if your mom tries to take your dream away from you and you feel the same pain I did, I’ve sorta been there, okay? And I’m gonna be kind of pissed off if you don’t come talk to me about it. Anyway, thank you for coming today. It means a lot. I know you didn’t know Quentin, but it doesn’t surprise me that you’re thinking of other people when all this stuff is going on with you. That’s not bad for a girl who never had a chance. Come here. [Nathan and Brooke hug]

Haley: I need to know that you’re going to let me in, Nathan. I mean, all the way. Nathan: I will, okay. I’ll – I’ll let you in if that’s what it takes, I’ll let you in. It’s just… sometimes I’m afraid that if I do, you’ll see the real me. The guy I was before you. And I’m not proud of that person, okay; the one that I used to be. But if I have to be that guy to keep you safe, then that’s who I’m going to be. Look, if you want me to apologize for defending you, or for fighting back when somebody hurts you, then I can’t do that – I won’t do that, okay because the truth is: that’s a guy I’ll never be; a guy that just stands by and watches while the world hurts you. Can you understand that?

Nathan: It’s the oldest story inn the world. One day you’re planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing someday is today and then someday is yesterday and this is your life.

Nathan: Every choice you make shapes your future.

Nathan: People just go through things, challenges that make them stronger.

Nathan: I am the kid, Hales and I’m sick of dealing with my parents’ problems. If it’s not my dad with a restraining order, it’s my mom with a glock. They’re unbelievable. My one saving grace. My one way out is if I play halfway decent in these playoffs, I can get a scholarship and I can get the hell away from both of these lunatics. Should my mom have a gun? No! But am I going to let her stupidity or anything else stand in the way of my dreams? Not a chance.

Nathan Scott (One Tree Hill): ESTP was originally published on MBTI Zone