#i was suddenly just overwhelmed with emotion
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Can I request headcanons for Zayne, and Slyus react to his shy gn crush giving him a love letter before leaving quickly?
You were quick with your exist, Sylus had to give you that as the moment he looked up from the letter, only to see that you were long gone.
Naturally he wouldāve caught you by the wrist and kept you close until after he had read the letter. However since that wasnāt how the events played out, Sylus walked back to his room to read the letter, fully intending to ask you the next time he sees you what this was all about, all the while lightly scolding you for running away.
He even made Mephisto leave the room for full privacy, the crow was offended by this not going to lie and instead made himself comfortable on the nearest perch he could find.
Sylus wasnāt dumb, your expression gave it all away what type of letter this was and he couldnāt help but smirk when he read your sweet words, chuckling as he felt your emotions through every sentence he read and how many words you had scribbled out in your attempt of making a confession to him.
While he wouldāve preferred to have you confess to him in person, he couldnāt hold it against you that you felt overwhelmed and too afraid to do so and speak your heart to him, but that was okay when you had written your heart to him on a piece of paper instead that made him smile as warmth spread throughout his chest.
You were so cute when you poured your heart out into the letter and Sylus knew he would be keeping this as his own personal memento of the time where your relationship changed. Needless to say after reading the letter you got a greeting by Sylus later that same evening as he made himself comfortable in your apartment, eager to start your relationship as soon as he could by making you a dinner for two.
He casts his gaze down at the letter you hastily shoved into his hand, giving him no room to ask what the contents of the letter was before bolting off down the hallway with a flustered expression upon your face.
Zayne tilts his head to the side as he then takes the letter into his office, not wanting anyone to peer over his shoulder and read the words that you had specifically wrote for him and him alone.
He knew of your nervousness and tendency to tell him personal things through the likes of cute letters, but this was a completely different level of that as he got an insight to your thoughts and feelings towards him that you couldnāt put into words. It was highly detailed with moments where you realised that you like Zayne more then ājust a friendā
He found it sweet and warming as he too would reminisce on the moments that you bring up and suddenly everything becomes clearer for Zayne. The moments where it seemed like you were more sheepish and unable to meet his eyes, all of it made all the more sense to him now as you gave clarification to why you acted those ways back then.
You adored him and yet you couldnāt find a more fitting way to tell him than a letter that resides within his hands.
It felt good for Zayne to know that his feelings wasnāt one sided and that you felt similar to him. It was all he could ever wish for even though he tried not to fall for you, only to find it increasingly difficult when you were practically a big part of his day to day life, and he couldnāt help but feel as though a weight had been taken off of his chest knowing that he didnāt have to hold back his feeling anymore and finally get to do what he always wanted.
He has a reservation booked at a fancy restaurant to you both, but is more than willing to cancel it to just walk through the city with you should that be more your speed, or maybe even some quality time at home with some take out. Zayne didnāt want you to become overwhelmed and would much preferable to have you at your most comfortable when youāre both talking about your future relationship.
#love and deepspace imagine#love and deepspace imagines#love and deepspace x you#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace#lads x y/n#lads x you#lads imagine#lads imagines#lads x reader#sylus x y/n#sylus imagine#sylus x you#sylus x reader#zayne x y/n#zayne imagines#zayne imagine#zayne x you#zayne x reader
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Symbol of Loveā Rafe Cameron x Pogue!Reader
summaryā based off sofia and rafeās cute moment in s4 ep 9 so slight spoilers. rafe is on mission to catch groff and he gives you something to treasure before he leaves.
warningsā spoilers, fluff, mentions of death.
a/nā saw the scene and immediately decided to write this, my heart is melting omg ugh that should be me and him. these new batch of episodes have been such a roller coaster, canāt wait to finish and see how everything plays out <3
Rafeās hands were tense as walked around the sand, jaw tight as he tried to process what heād just learned. Chandler Groff had stolen his money, and he boated off the island. You leaned against the tree, eyes wide as you tried to absorb the news. Hollisā death had hit you harder than you let on, and whispers were circulating that JJ Maybank might have been involved. Nothing felt certain anymore, but what you did know was that Rafe had always been the one constantāuntil now.
āOkay, but listen,ā Rafe said, his voice sharp and urgent. āUnless I catch up with Groff now, that money is long gone.ā
āWhere is he, Rafe?ā you asked, your heart pounding. You didnāt want him to go, especially not alone, but you knew you couldnāt stop him.
āDonāt worry about it,ā he muttered, his gaze fixed somewhere past you. āIāll track him down. Iāll get it all back.ā There was a steely resolve in his voice, a familiar determination that reminded you of just how far he would go to keep what was his.
But before he could take off, he turned to you, his eyes softening just and took a deep breath. āI want to say something first.ā
You opened your mouth, the confession about Hollis and everything that happened burning on your tongue. āRafe, I- I need to tell you something too.ā
Before you could finish, he startled you by dropping to one knee, pulling out a beautiful ring from his pocket. Your heart skipped a beat, and suddenly you felt like the world was spinning.
He held it up to you, his gaze never leaving yours. āIt was my momās,ā he said softly, his voice breaking just slightly. āBeen in my family forever. I know itās some kook bullshit, but I just- I wanted you to have it before I left. So youād know this, us- weāre real.ā
āRafe, wait,ā you whispered, your voice trembling. āI- I did something. Itās about Hollis. Thereās more I didnāt tell youāā
He cut you off, shaking his head and cupping your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin. āDonāt. Thereās things about me you donāt know. And trust me, theyāre way worse than anything you could say. I donāt care what you did, and I donāt care to know.ā His voice softened, but his eyes stayed intense. āI want you, and thatās all that matters to me.ā
You could barely breathe, tears leaving your eyes and he slipped the ring on your finger, his eyes pleading.
You were crying now, overwhelmed by the depth of his acceptance. You could feel his hands tremble as he slid the ring onto your finger. āSay yes,ā he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. āThereās no more pogue bullshit, okay? No more of that. I want you to quit that job and move in with me.ā
The weight of his words settled over you like a promise, and you nodded, barely able to find your voice. āYes, Rafe.ā
He smiled, relief flooding his face as he pulled you into a kiss, his hands cradling your face as if you were something fragile he had to hold onto. You kissed him back, fingers curling into his jacket, your tears mixing with his warmth.
When you pulled away, he pressed a key into your palm, closing your fingers over it. āItās to the house. Iāll be back in a few weeks. Stay there for me, okay? At myāno, our place.ā
He brushed a kiss across your forehead, and whispered, āI love you.ā
āI love you too.ā And with one last look, he turned, walking toward his boat as you watched him go.
The salty breeze whipped around you, and you looked down at the ring, feeling a bittersweet ache settle in your chest. It was beautiful and strange, the symbol of a life you were about to share with him, a life youād always dreamed of. You traced the ring with your thumb, marveling at its age, its history, a part of him that would stay with you even as he left.
Tears blurred your vision as he boarded the boat, but you stood there, rooted, until he was nothing but a speck on the horizon, clutching the key and the promise heād left behind.
As you watched Rafe disappear over the horizon, a wave of fear washed over you, heavier than the ocean air around you. You knew how dangerous Groff could be, how far he was willing to go to keep what heād stolen. And now, Rafe was chasing him down. Your heart twisted, the thought of something happening to him tugging at every corner of your mind. But then you shook yourself, forcing the doubt back. Rafe was tough, stronger than anyone you knew. He could handle himself. Heād be okay.
Heād come back.
You took a deep breath, letting the thought settle over you like a warm blanket. Heād come back, and when he did, youād spend the rest of your lives together. There would be reward, there would be sunshine after the storm. Your love, this wild, all-consuming love, could survive anything. It had to. Everything was going to be okay.
You glanced down at the ring heād placed on your finger, feeling its weight, its history pressing against your skin like a quiet promise. Your fingers tightened around the key in your other hand, holding onto it as if it could anchor you to this moment, to him. This key was a piece of him, a piece of your future together, the home youād share, the life youād build once he returned.
With one last look out at the horizon, you whispered a silent promise of your own. Then you turned back holding the ring and the key close to your heart, holding onto the hope that soon, heād be back in your arms.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x black reader#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron x fem!reader#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x pogue!reader#rafe cameron x black!reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron drabble#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron concepts#rafe cameron one shot#outer banks 4#outer banks season 4#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks fluff#rafe outer banks#outer banks s4#outer banks spoilers#outer banks#outer banks smut#rafe fanfiction#rafe imagine#rafe x reader#outerbanks rafe
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"Come on, do not give me that face."
The urge to hurl was overwhelming as you clutched your stomach in agony. Thoma's voice was filled with concern as he stood over you like an overly exhausted parent - his arms on his hips, chin held up high and with that dreadfully soft look on his otherwise handsome face.
You felt like spitting at him, and probably would've if each breath did not feel like a stab to the gut. His stupidly attractive face somehow made him more infuriating for some reason.
"This would not be happening if you just followed the basic instructions I laid out for you..." he spoke flatly, green eyes shining with an emotion you could not quite put your finger on.
It has been a few weeks since the Kamisato housekeeper took you. Keeping track of time and how long ago that actually was quite the endeavor primarily because he kept you locked away in a private quarter, sealed off from the sunlight.
Your train off thought was suddenly broken as a newer, stronger wave of nausea coursed through you, the pain impossible to bear. You did everything you could to choke back on the few bites of lunch which were eaten not too long ago, but it was futile. Tiny chunks of vomit and spit and vomit escaped you, the pain burning your throat from the inside out. Some of the bits landed on your captors shoes but he did not seem to care, or he simply refrained from making any comments.
"There, there..." whispered Thoma, his voice gentle and so damn patronizing. You felt him crouch next to you, the heat of his body meshing with your own as he placed both of his hands on your shoulders, a gesture which should have been comforting but it held the opposite effect.
All you wanted to do was cry. Alone, somewhere, anywhere.
Just far away from him.
It never even occurred to you that Thoma could have tampered with your food. When this entire debacle had started, pettiness had won over and you promptly decided to go on a hunger strike. It went on for too long for Thoma's and frankly, your comfort.
Today however, you had caved and by doing so were paying a big price for making Thoma worry. The man always was big on discipline after all. And the best way to teach someone a lesson was to hurt them, even if they didn't want to.
That was the route Thoma had ended up picking. Chances are, he wouldn't have it any other way. If you knew what was coming if you disobeyed, there would be less of a mess for him to clean up or worry about.
Ah, now that's the dream.
#i might edit this and add some images to it later but I'm feeling lazy rn so#yandere#yandere imagines#yandere x reader#yancore#yandere x you#yanderecore#yandere aesthetic#genshin impact#genshin#yandere genshin impact#thoma#thoma x reader#yandere thoma#yandere thoma x reader#cw vomit
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The Physicalities of Grief - Season 2 Arcane Viktor x F!Reader
Season 2 Arcane Viktor x F!Reader
Summary (SPOILERS): It's hard to grieve someone when their not really gone.
Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of the content. HEAVY SPOILERS OF SEASON 2 ACT 1 OF ARCANE!! BE WARNED! Reader is described as having a vagina and uses she/her pronouns. Readerās backstory is kept vague but is mentioned to be from Zaun (the Undercity), worked with Jayce and Viktor, and was childhood friends with Viktor. Mentions of masturbation, vaginal fingering, dirty talk, heavy grief, angst (not a breadstick fanfic if there isnāt angst), bad coping with grief and emotions, grief horniness LMAO, spoilers, brief fear that someone broke into your place, slightly improper use of his powers (not really use tho more like hinting at it), brief mention of vomiting but not in detail (!!), this is basically shameless PWLP (porn with little plot) that i'm using to cope ok?Ā
Word Count: 3.3k
A/N: Unfortunately i am using Arcane Season 2 as a form of escapism bc i am not ok (context , i live in the US and i am a woman of color , , , , enough said ) anyways i am a Viktor stan and i love him SO SO SO much anyways AS PROMISE HERE IT IS ! LMAO i can't wait for act 2 to come out ! ! ! ! ENJOY ! (awhhh doesnt he look so normal in season 1 ?)
It feels like all you have ever known was this feeling.
This feeling ofā¦ swelling and crashing waves of anger and sadness. Of overwhelming crying screams, of bubbling tears that blind you, of aching emptiness that makes your joints feel sore and body retch after every meal.
Mel had to remind you that you were grieving, but you could see the way Jayce looked at her, shaking his head softly when she spoke.Ā
āHe isnāt dead,ā he would whisper once Mel would leave, but you could only weakly utter āThen why does it feel like he is?ā
He never knew what to say to that, just stepping back, face falling.Ā
It was ridiculous at this point, the way he looked at you withā¦ almost pity. You were sick of it. Everytime he came to you, updating you on the latest findings while you laid in bed, pathetically. Feeling like a waste as he went from spending hours in the lab, working beside his friendās body encased in who knows what, to desperately fighting you to get you to eat something, anything.Ā Ā
You felt like a burden, like a waste of a mind and body that was once so ambitious and passionate, moving around the lab to help with whatever you could get your hands on.
āIām useless,ā you would whisper to yourself in the cover of dark, chest empty and eyes red and dry.Ā
But his wordsā¦ his words hurt the most.Ā
āPlease eat something, anything!ā He cried, trying to ever so gently pin your arms down as he lifted a small cup of soup to your face.Ā
āNo Jayce, no! Stop it!ā You cried, barely able to flail against him.Ā
āI need you to eat something, please! You can't keep going on like this!ā His voice cracked.Ā
You pushed his hands away, successfully hitting the cup and making it clatter and crash to the floor.Ā
Both of you flinched, pausing mid movement to hear the sound of the porcelain shattering into millions of pieces.Ā
Stillness for a few seconds. Peace from him for a few seconds.Ā
Until his voice brought you back.Ā
ā...Viktor would've wanted you to eatā¦ to keep goingā¦āĀ
It made your eyes burn, chest tightening, throat closing. It made your heart race, limbs suddenly energized for the first time in days, feeling ready to run marathons.Ā
Did Viktor feel this way the first time he touched the hexcore?
You shoved him away with surprising strength, making Jayce yell and fall to the ground, his arm moving up to shield himself.Ā
Leaping from bed, you yanked the sheets around yourself, heavy and dark fabric covering the weakness of your flesh from sight.Ā
āYou have no idea what he would've wanted!ā Your throat burned as you screamed, lips twisted into a sneer as you glared at him on the floor.
He couldn't even bear to look at you. Coward.
Paled hands moved to claw at your bedside table, yanking the drawers open. You yanked things out, throwing them to find it. Where is it?
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
Then you felt it. Soft beneath your fingertips, the embroidered āV' he asked you to add onto it scratching your skin ever so slightly. It made you pause, mind rushing and mouth rushing even faster.
āBetter yet, you knew what he wanted and still went against him!ā Your voice quivered as you yelled at Jayce.
Jayce gasped softly, head jerking back.Ā
āW-what friend you are,ā You stuttered, tears rushing back into your eyes and making your voice sound watery. You felt stupid.Ā
Jayceās breath hitched, his mouth opened to respond but you were too quick. You grasped the red fabric into your hands and rushed off, snatching your shoes on before you ran out the door with a choked sob, Jayce yelling out your name as you did so.Ā
Your body ached as you ran, running into corners and slamming into walls you didnāt sense as you rounded hallways. Your body feverish, only shivered when you stepped out into the chill of the quiet darkness of the supposed city of progress.
Your lungs ached as you ran, panting and gasping between cries. You ran and ran, stumbling and nearly collapsing as you made your descent.
Down, down, downā¦ to the city you knew too well.Ā
Back home.Ā
You tucked the blanket closer as you rounded corners with ease, effortless as you hopped over piles of trash and twisted into darkened alleys, avoiding the sounds of twisted laughs and growls.Ā
You nearly ran into the door of your little old home, scratching at your neck to yank the necklace into the light of the partially broken street lamps. A trembling hand shoved the key into the lock, tugging yourself to press your cheek against the cold door with a hiss.Ā
It was hard to tell what you were doing in the darkness of the studio, staggering as you closed the door and moved around, getting bruises as you ran into old furniture and beat up tables. You cried out, howling in pain as you made your way toward your bed, hidden in the back of the room.Ā
One hand reached out, feeling the end of the furniture with heavy pants, eyes wide and barely able to make it out. But it was there, sturdy and reliable, the scent of comfort, of home, reaching your nose as you collapsed onto it, bursting out in wails.
The bed creaked as your body shook, the utter power of your lament echoing in the darkness of the room, red fabric clutched to your chest.Ā
You could smell him, smell the mixture of coffee, toast, and the unmistakable scent of the lab.Ā
You cried louder, rattling the windows with each sound as you held the fabric he used to tie his tie, nose buried into it. But it did nothing to muffle you, nothing to withhold the sounds of your cries.Ā
It felt like days passed before you passed out, falling unconscious without a second thought.Ā
But when you finally woke, it was dark again.Ā
Body aching, you sat up in with a heaved breath, wincing at the pain that echoed throughout your being. It was hardly bearable, making you sigh as you realized that you finally did it, you pushed yourself too much and rendered yourself alone, sleeping the day away.
You felt like a ghost skirting around your home, blanket clutched around your form and hand clutching the red fabric to your chest with paled knuckles. Feet made soft sounds as you stomped, using all your strength to collapse onto the sink, holding onto the ledge as you stretched, one hand opening the tap and lips greedily sucking in the water that came down.
You knew that you would probably regret this later, Zaunās tap water was not meant to be drunk without extra precautions made to ensure it was clean. Afterall, this wasnāt Piltover, where you could drink fresh water from the tap without worry.Ā
You remembered the way your mother would have to boil it over the fire as a child, wincing as you drank the warm water after running circles around your childhood best friend, who would laugh and watch with a sad glint in his eyes as you did so. All you wanted was fresh, cold water after sweating, throat scratchy and knees scraped with a wonder only a child could possess.Ā
It made you want to cry again, as your familiar scratchy throat was soothed by the cool water, if only temporarily.Ā
Your hand barely had the strength to push the faucet shut, slipping onto your knees soon after.Ā
The fabric pressed against your nose, darkening under the tears that slipped and hit it on its way down your cheeks. Burnt toastā¦ coffeeā¦ metal. Burnt toast, coffee, metal. Burnt toast, coffee, metal, Jayce. Burnt toast, coffee, metal, Jayce, you.Ā
You crawled back into bed, grunting and groaning as your limbs screamed, desperate for you to stop and give up. āForget it, you're alone nowā they said, desperate for a break.Ā
āJustā¦ let me get to the bedā¦ please,ā you heard your gravely voice whisper out, begging yourself.
ā...Iāll quit once I get to bedā¦ pleaseā¦ā
āFine,ā you told yourself.Ā
Crumpled there on the sheets, you encased yourself with the blanket like a body laid to rest among the flowers, eyes closed and breathing getting slower. You could hear chatter from just beyond the walls, the sound of people chattering before rushing off, the occasional argument either followed by commotion or silence. It soothed you like a lullaby, as it soothed all children of the undercity.Ā
But as a fight breaks out nearby, harsh voices echoing the sounds of punches, you squeezed your eyes shut and tried desperately to think of something else.Ā
Like the day he convinced you to go with him to Piltover.
āCome with me,ā he whispered, hand extended out to you, amber eyes glinting with hope for what this opportunity would bring.
āOh Viktor,ā you whispered aloud, voice breaking just like in the memory.
āPlease,ā he said, brows creasing.Ā
āBut will I fit in? Will they accept me?ā you murmured, holding your own hand, looking between his hand to his eyes.
āThey accept me,ā he breathed.
āThatās because you are a scientist.ā
He scoffed, āDo not reduce yourself to utility, regardless of where you come from, you deserve to live amongst them.ā
āBut they will stare at me likeā¦ like I'm trash.ā
āNothing we arenāt used to alreadyā¦ besidesā¦ I need you there.ā
Your breath hitched.
āYou do?ā you whispered to yourself, hand clutched to the fabric rising to press it against your nose again.Ā
Eyelids softened as you thought of the way he smiled, chuckling softly at your bewildered face, smooth voice like melody that made goosebumps spread across your skin as he said, āOf course I need youā¦ā
You didnāt even realize your free hand had inched its way down your torso until your fingertips hit the waistband of your bottoms, making you freeze up, eyes snapping open to stare into the inky darkness.
You panted, chest rising and falling.Ā
āNoā¦ā you whispered, āN-no, no Iā¦ I can't.ā
āOf course you can,ā his voice echoed in your brain, smooth as a ray of sunlight, āWhatever it is you're worried about, I'll help you.ā
Finally, your hand fell into his. He pulled you close, so close, that his eyes flickering onto yours felt like it had replaced the sun and the moon, āCome with me.ā
Trembling, your hand pushed under the waistband and under your undergarments, fingers tracing over your mound before dipping down to the unabashed wetness of your core.Ā
You gasped, chest tightening.Ā
āNo,ā you whispered into the fabric.Ā
Burnt toast, coffee, metal.
Your fingers glided down, hips rising and legs spreading, skin so so hot under your touch. With a smooth swipe, the wetness gathered itself on your fingertip, moving to ever so gently press against your throbbing clit.
It made you whine, voice muffled by the fabric held tight against your hand.Ā
āNo pleaseā¦ā you whispered once more, your resolve slipping as you thought of those amber eyes and how they glistened when he spoke about his work.
āC-canātā¦ā you just couldnāt bear it.
This was your childhood friend you were imagining, your friend who cared so deeply about you that he was willing to take you with him when he got a new opportunity in Piltover. Your friend who sacrificed his health for the sake of finding new tech to help people like you, who werenāt given a fair chance in the undercity. Your friend whose gaze would transfix on you as he explained what he was doing, voice tinged with an eagerness that made him whine when he thought your mind was straying from his words.Ā
āDarling, are you listening to me?ā he would say as you played with some geared models he set out for you to see.
āYes Viktor, I swear!āĀ
He would always chuckle and nod, either continuing to explain or instead staying silent, moving to stand behind you.
Your knees and mouth fell open, eyes fluttering shut.
Burnt toast, coffee, metal.
Heavy pants filled the silence of the room.Ā
You could almost feel the way his hand would slide over yours as you played with the model, long nimble fingers gliding over your skin.Ā
You would gasp, hand stilling until he began to move it, guiding it with his own.āHere, let me show youā¦ This is how you use it,ā he would murmur, warm breath hitting your skin. It was so hard to suppress the shiver he gave you, no longer able to focus on the way he would turn the model the other way, guiding your fingers to press against a gear, turning it in a slow circle to get it working.
Your breathing hitched, hand moving in the way he showed you how.Ā
His hand would speed up, moving away to let you try it. The gears then began to move on their own, prompting you to move your own hand away, watching the model with an excited smile.
The swelling pleasure in your belly grew, making the smooth movements of your hand become erratic, unable to keep a steady pace.Ā
āV-Viktor,ā you breathed, hips bucking into the air.Ā
You could imagine it, the way he spoke so smoothly to you, an air of calm to it as if he was speaking to a frightened animal, āYes, my darling?ā
āL-like this?ā you croaked, fingers dipping to press against your sopping hole, feeling it drool onto your fingers.Ā
āYes, exactly like thatā¦ you're doing so goodā¦ā
Your breaths grew more and more ragged, shivering as you chased your climax. It was so close, making your head fall back onto the sheets, fabric clutched to your nose, using it to run it up and down your body.
Burnt toast, coffee, metal.
āS-soā¦ closeā¦ā you whispered.Ā
Then you heard it.
A whisper.
You stilled, eyes snapping open and wide in terror.Ā
You didnāt breathe, you didnāt move.Ā
āGo to herļæ½ļæ½ļæ½, it whispered once more, a feminine voice you couldnāt make out, too low for you to distinguish.
But you could hear staggered steps, moving.Ā
You knew you were hidden from view, allowing you an advantage, but this person was moving toward you, slowly but steadily.
You were frozen in place.
Did they come to rob you? Had you even locked your front door when you came in?
But you had no time to think, you were sitting here unarmed and vulnerable.Ā
Gathering yourself, you sat up in bed, careful to avoid making noise as you peaked above the furniture that hid you, seeing a cloaked figure moving in the dark. You saw nothing, just them staggering. They didnāt seem to be here to steal, brushing past your things without a second glance.Ā
You prayed to anyone who could hear you that it was just some weary soul needing to rest.
But right before you looked away, you saw it.Ā
You saw the glow.
A faint blue-purple glow of footsteps that led toward you.Ā
You swallowed, curling back and into yourself as your eyes trailed the faint humming glow of these footsteps, the way they led right to the foot of your bed.Ā
The cloaked and hooded figure approached, moving around what hid you to stand at the edge of your bed, looking right at you.Ā
Then you smelled it.Ā
Burnt toast, coffee, metal, andā¦ somethingā¦ more.
Your breath hitched as a bony hand reached up and out, moving toward your face.
You flinched, squeezing your eyes shut as it moved. You didn't see the way it hesitated, pausing right before the warmth of your cheek.
āMy darlingā¦ā They whispered, voice rumbling in a way that made your eyes snap open and body instantly and unconsciously sag, āAm i that scary?āĀ
You gasped, shaking as you made out the iridescent eyes that traced over your sunken cheeks and eyes with dark bags underneath.Ā
āOh my darlingā¦ā he murmured, fingertips finally pressing against your cheeks.Ā
He was cold, but somehow warmth thrummed through him likeā¦ machinery.Ā
His thumb traced underneath your eye, gently, āHave you been suffering becauseā¦ of me?āĀ
You said nothing, pinned to the spot underneath his gaze.Ā
You tried to say something, but nothing came out. Your mouth only opened and closed, silence emitting from it instead.Ā
His gaze swept over you, making a shiver go down your spine as you sat there. His gaze stilled, eyes widening ever so slightly as he followed your hands. He paused and, after a beat of silence, he spoke up.
āHereā¦ let me show you.āĀ
Burnt toast, coffee, metal, and something indescribable.Ā
The hand cupping your cheeks trailed down to your jaw, tilting it upward to look at him as he shifted to sit in front of you, the overwhelming scent of Him invading your senses.
His other hand moved, gently wrapping itself around your wrist, feeling the warmth of your skin underneath his own. He then slid in, over and down underneath the waistband of your clothes and to your soaked fingers.
You could only stare into the pools of opal that peered into your soul.
A gasp wormed its way out of your mouth as his fingers pressed against you, index tracing around your throbbing clit to your clenching hole. He moved in circles, teasing you by pressing his longest finger just against your entrance before pulling back, moving to press a tiny bit deeper with every movement.
You felt yourself instantly relax, unable to help yourself as the familiar face of Viktor stared at you, eyes softening as he saw the panic melt away.Ā
āV-Viktor iā¦ā you breathed, āYouā¦ d-āĀ
āI'm supposed to be deadā¦ I knowā¦ā he whispered.Ā
His finger pressed in, making you groan softly as it moved against your warm walls, carefully pressing to find that spongy bit inside of you. He was always so calculated, even now as his gaze focused on your face, tracking every miniscule movement like the way your pupils dilated when you saw him, the way your breathing picked up when his thumb brushed against your clit, and the way your lips parted when his fingers curled.Ā
āBut I'm here now, my darlingā¦ you don't have to worry anymoreā¦ I just want you to come back with me.ā
His voice made your eyes struggle to keep open, soft moans filling the once empty room. You were drunk off him, drunk off the way his fingers moved so deliciously deliberate, stimulating you in multiple ways and making you melt.Ā
āViktorā¦?ā you sighed, barely registering what he said.Ā
āYes?ā Viktor whispered, leaning to press his forehead against your own.Ā
It sent a shockwave of pleasure through your body, tingling with a purple glow over your skin.Ā
āIā¦ā gasping for air was all you could do, the overwhelming sensation flowing through your veins as his thumb pressed against your clit, fingers curling in and out of you. You were so close again.
āMore?ā He murmured, voice soft.Ā
Your eyes could barely hold his gaze, āN-need youā¦āĀ
āLike I always needed you?āĀ
You moaned out, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you shook, the pleasure reaching its peak.Ā
āCum for meā¦ come with me.ā he murmured, lips brushing against your own.Ā
He swallowed your moans as you cried out his name, body shaking. His hand on your jaw held you in place, continuing to move his fingers in you and on your clit, your hand wrapped around his wrist as he did so, the other still clutched onto his red tie.Ā
Pure, white, hot, pleasure stole your vision and voice, making you see visions of a future where you and your people would never have to suffer anymore, not with someone like Viktor to lead them.Ā
As you came down, body heaving and shaking, he carefully moved his hand off your core before wrapping your weak body with his lapis blue cloak, pressing you against him. Your head lolled, slotting against his neck, smelling the scent of burnt toast, coffee, metal, and somethingā¦ something otherworldly.Ā
āCome with me.ā He whispered, āI need you.ā
āI will.ā You whispered, this time not hesitating.Ā
#arcane#viktor x reader arcane#viktor x reader#arcane season 2#arcane league of legends#viktor arcane#viktor league of legends#viktor lol#arcane viktor#arcane s2#arcane season two
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i'm always a sucker for the take that Ford does love kids, he's just not the best caretaker. i mean, he's immediately delighted to learn he's an uncle in tale of two stans, and he loves spending time with Dipper and Mabel, he's just kind of dense.
i think aus where he gets to be a dad with Fiddleford are so cute. and so interesting to see how he'd handle it. people always seem to forget what a softie he can be
Oh yes! It kind of bugs me how a lot of people act like Ford is cold when he really isn't. There are lots of little examples of him being an absolute sweetheart. He talks a big game about being logical and suppressing fear etc, but he's a deeply emotional person, and that comes through in his more personal journal entries. He's not some heartless robot. He loves sharing his joy and excitement with the people close to him. He craves human connection even though he's bad at it. He gets attached to weird little creatures like Shifty, he loves his niece and nephew and is genuinely happy to meet them. Not to mention Ford loves weirdness and creativity and kids are the weirdest most creative demographic of people out there.
I don't think Ford dislikes kids at all. I think his lack of emotional intelligence and tendency to be lost in his own world makes him a questionable caretaker. Not through apathy or malice, he's just kind of bad with kids. Making him a father is really interesting for this reason because I'm confident he'd love the shit out of his kids, but learning how to respond appropriately to their needs, keep them safe, and pay attention consistently when needed, would all be things he'd struggle with.
Ford also says as much in his journal that he didn't want to settle down and "start a family". I don't think he ever saw kids of his own as part of his future nor do I think he'd ever consciously choose to have them. That said these are the words of a young Ford with grand ambitions that children would have potentially gotten in the way of. I also think the way he shuts down the idea of "starting a family" is a response to the social pressure to get straight married which is also not something he would have wanted. I mean look how well that worked out for Fidds :/
But Ford's whole character arc is about humbling himself. Learning to let go of this fantasy of some grand destiny and find joy in just living life with the people he cares about. He learns to accept the love of others and to love himself without needing to prove anything.
Pictured above, is a combination of sleep deprivation and those little moments when you're a new parent and it dawns on you yet again that suddenly you have this tiny little human who's who world depends on you. That mix of fear and awe and overwhelming love that hits you in waves and turns your brain into mush for a moment.
Nik and Newt force Ford to put someone else over himself, forcing him to reassess his priorities much sooner.
Also I know this one wasn't really an ask but I really wanted to draw something for you because it was soooooo good seeing a real ask in my inbox. I would absolutely love to answer any asks people have about this AU. I'd love to draw more of Ford, Fidds, Stan, and the twins but it gets hard to decide what to draw with so many ideas in my brain. By all means, send me asks or suggestions for drawings and I'll do my best to respond to all of them.
#ford^2#fiddauthor#ford pines#stanford pines#young ford pines#au#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#shifter twins au#papa ford au#nikola pines-mcgucket#newton pines-mcgucket#gravity falls#gravity falls au
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That video got me thinking, do you think HL genuinely likes meeting his fans? Or does he not care about them and just sees it as another publicity thing?
good question! i waffle on this a lot.
he obviously doesn't respect his fans. he's quick to show disgust or annoyance with them.
i do wonder if this specific instance was partly to make Maeve laugh, which it did. because while he may not like or respect his fans, he does value their love and admiration. most of his breakdowns have to do with the possibility of losing their approval.
it's interesting to watch how smoothly and willingly he engages with and embraces total strangers over and over, though. hugs from celebrities are sort of a bizarre parasocial phenomena when you really think about it. it's just expected that he would do it. knowing how he was raised, it makes sense that he wouldn't even consider refusing a hug, even if he doesn't want to do it. he doesn't maintain boundaries it's just another aspect of agency he does not have.
though it's entirely possible that the first person to actually hug him in his adult life was a fan. maybe part of him enjoyed aspects of it when he was younger, but then he mostly grew out of it. i can't imagine how much he struggles as someone who is both touch starved AND touch averse. i think that's part of why his suit and gloves are so important for him. they serve as a physical barrier to help him not be so overwhelmed by so much direct contact.
imo Homelander has a lot of conflicting emotions regarding his fans and the public in general. he believes they're beneath him, yet he craves their approval. he's their god, yet he's the one who must perform for them. appease them. he must make them think he loves them so that they will love him. he thinks of them as a monolith, and he cares about them in that regard, but as individuals they're entirely disposable.
i usually depict him as having a certain level of face blindness as a by product of meeting so many people a day that he just does not care about. which is why it's interesting to me when he does suddenly take note of someone.
anyways! long story short! it's both. it's a publicity thing, but it's also the closest thing he has to a stable sense of love and self.
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NNN day 10 | Newborn Miracle
summary: the time has finally come, you and chris are going to become parents. Both of you are filled with joy and nervousness at the same time since this is a big step both of you have to make now and youāre ready more than ever for the adventures that lay ahead of you.
warnings: none, just child birth but besides itās just chris becoming a proud father
authors note: this idea is so adorable I love the concept of babydad!chris and I need more people to write about it, so this is your sign to go do that rn š«µ luv yall silk and hope yāall enjoy this one
no nut november | masterlist | guestlist
The sun had now began to rise, casting a golden color across the sky as I sat nervously in the passenger seat of Chrisās car, my hand clutching the hospital bag like it was a lifeline. Today was the day we had waited for, the day our lives would change forever. After months of preparing ourselves, endless conversations and debates about baby names and painting the nursery a soft shade of orange we were about to meet our little one. Chris was driving with a focused gaze I hadnāt seen before, his knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel.
Every so often he would spare glances at me, his blue eyes shining with excitement. āAre you ready for this?ā he asked, his voice being a mix of joy and disbelief at whats going to happen today. I turned to him, my heart racing as I speak. āI think so. Iāve never been more ready for anything in my life,ā I replied, feeling butterflies fluttering in my stomach. The thought of actually becoming a parent was almost hard to believe . When we finally arrived at the hospital, the adrenaline kicked in.
We rushed through the automatic doors, our hearts pounding all together. The bright lights and the familiar smell of sanitary welcomed us as we checked in and were hushed towards the maternity section. The atmosphere was filled with anticipation but not just ours but from families around us, each with their own maternity story. After what felt like forever, it was time for me to be called in. Chris held my hand tightly as we walked together into the delivery room. My heart raced as I settled onto the hospital bed and feeling the cool sheets under me.
Nurses huddled around while preparing equipment for the delivery while Chris stood by my side, whispering soft words of motivation. Hours passed with the soft rhythm of contractions guiding us through the whole experience. Chris was never far from me and his presence felt like a warm blanket of comfort. He kept running his hands through my hair, his calming voice reminding me that we were in this together. āYouāre doing amazing,ā he softly whispered, his faith in me growing by the second. Finally, after what felt like an ongoing battle of will and strength, the moment arrived.
I could feel the overwhelming urge to push, and with each contraction, I used every ounce of strength I had left. In those intense moments, Chrisās eyes became my own. āYouāve got this, ma,ā he reassured me, and I leaned into that support. With one final push and an intense surge of energy I didnāt know I had, we heard the most beautiful sound-our babyās first ever cry. It was like music to our ears.
Suddenly, everything else faded away around us, the pain, the noise, the world outside. In that instant, all that mattered was the life that had just entered into our world. The doctor gently handed our baby to me, and my heart twisted with joy. I looked down and there they were, our little bundle of happiness in soft white blankets. Chrisās breath caught in his throat as he came closer with his eyes wide, filled with emotion all kinds of emotions. āCan I hold them?ā he asked, his voice trembling with excitement. āOf course,ā I smiled, shifting so he could take our baby.
Chris cradled our little one against his chest, and I watched as he radiated with pure love. He kissed their tiny forehead, an expression of shock shadowing his face. āYou did it. You brought us this miracle,ā he whispered, his voice thick with emotion coming straight from the heart. Chris looked down at our baby as if they were the most precious treasure in the world. āI want to do skin-to-skin,ā he said and I could see the excitement radiating from him. The nurses smiled approvingly and helped him gently remove his shirt, placing our baby against his bare chest.
The warmth of the moment hugged us as Chrisās skin touched our childās delicate body. He looked at me, letting the little one into his now vulnerable heart. āCan you believe this?ā he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. Our little one squirmed, their little hand reaching for where Chrisās heartbeat lies. I could see a connection forming, a bond that would last a lifetime. Tears filled my eyes as I watched the two of the most important people in my life together.
It was a moment of pure beauty, one I will cherish forever. Chris looked at me and grinned, as his face radiated with joy. āWeāre parents,ā he said, still star struck, āand this is just the beginning.ā In that room surrounded by the warmth of new beginnings, we held each other close, both over the moon and overwhelmed by all of it. Our family was here, and we were ready for the wonderful adventure ahead.
@hearts4werka
Guestlist!
| - @sturnsxplr-25 - @strnzzvsp - @luvvs4chriss - @sturniolosweetheart33 - @pussypie456 - @choclatestarfishwithahat - @venusxsturnio - @bagsbyclair0 - @sturnstvs - @dykes4chris - @hoe4matt - @cayleeuhithinknot - @strnilolover - @marrykisskilled - @phone4pills - @emely9274 - @cupiidk1lls - @lily-strnlo - @nicksgirlfriend - |
#ā° ! šāš¬ ššØ šš®š ššØšÆšš¦ššš« ! ā°#ā° ! ššššš ššššļæ½ļæ½ š¦ ! ā°#ā° šÆšš«š š°š«š¢ššš¬ š¬š”š¢š ā°#baby daddy#baby daddy!chris#pregnancy#baby#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo fandom#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#sturniolos#matthew bernard sturniolo#christopher owen sturniolo#nicolas antonio sturniolo#sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo triplets x reader#parenting#proud dad
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anyone else feel like this sometimes or is it just me?
#emynn.op#idk idk it's almost just like suddenly I'm overwhelmed with love??#and it makes me sad??#like you just reach a Critical Point of love and suddenly it's Doubt?#like the pendulum of love is just swinging and it swings too far and oh no?#is it just bc I get emotional and idk how to be emotional without being sad on some level?#is this something else I need to bring to therapy?#ANYWAYYYY#personal
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do you think Branch would still feel somewhat uncomfortable around his Bros in the future? Due to being so unfamiliar with being a part of a family? šššš
even tho they seemed like they were willing to try at being a family again at the end of TBT but obviously 20 something years is a Hell of a long time and in Branch's case it was pretty much his whole life.
so do you think there'd still be a level of tension and uncomfortability?
like maybe we see the other Bros just playing happy families seemingly easily slotting back into their old dynamic while of course having fun sharing the newer parts of their lives with each other.
but maybe Branch would still feel somewhat uncomfortable about it even if he isn't exactly sure why or maybe he even straight up has a touch of imposter syndrome feeling like he doesn't belong in the family or any kind of family for that matter.
given he spent nearly his entire life as a loner so I can't imagine suddenly being expected to slot into a a big family would be all that easy kinda different from the other Bros where they all mostly grew up together.
and even after splitting apart went on to still have close people in their lives Bruce obviously had his wife and later children Clay had Viva and the rest of the Putt Putt Trolls.
and while Floyd doesn't have any cannon relationships I imagine he was a fairly sociable person who at least had close friends over the years.
only exception is JD given he also lived mostly alone for all those years with only Rhonda for company but he still Grew up with the Brothers and their Grandma up until he was likely a late teenager/young adult.
so I feel Branch would very likely be the one who'd have the Hardest time adjusting to just suddenly being a part of a large family again or any kind of family at all really.
what do you think? do you think there'd still be some awkwardness/uncomfortableness from Branch when it comes to his Family in the future?
I find this stuff interesting to think about lol I Really got my Fingers crossed we do get that Christmas Special in the future and they explore something like this since it'd be a pretty good chance to do so if it does take place around Bro zone's first Christmas back together as a family.
Branch straight up lived by himself as an orphan for most of his life so having him just be all okay and easily adjusting to having 4 Brothers back in his life would be disappointing tbh.
#brozone#trolls brozone#trolls 3#branch trolls#branch#trolls dreamworks#trolls band together#trolls branch#dreamworks trolls#trolls#I really gotta see Branch struggling to adjust to the whole family life in a future Holiday Special as it'd be Emotional AF.#like the Bros are all around for Christmas Dinner and Branch just gets overwhelmed with it all since he's so used to the peace and quiet.#that he's had for all those years and he just kinda breaks down eventually thinking back to all the Christmases he spent alone.#and maybe he sorta tries to give up on his Bros stating that it was a mistake for them to be there.#and that he just isn't the sorta person who's meant to be part of a family and he in a teary eyed but calm way asks them all to leave.#tho the Bros don't and instead keep trying to get through to Branch who's just adamant that them trying to be a family again was a mistake.#and they should just leave. anyway like I said a Bro zone special has a lot of emotional potential.#and I really hope we see Branch struggling to adjust in the future to suddenly having a family for the first time since he was a little kid#it'd be so sweet and emotional š¢š¢š¢š¢
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some thoughts regarding john irving standing with his mouth agape on a busy sidewalk in front of a busker, having an epiphany
imagine with me john irving. he is exhausted. he is overwhelmed. he has worked too many hours in a row. he is under an exceptional amount of pressure from his family to return home to their town and their church, now that he's come crawling back from the dream of a simple farming life that collapsed under his feet, leaving him and his brother both half-dead and cowed. his boss is... complicated. everything in the city is too loud and too crowded and far too chaotic.
he misses elphie, he misses his family, and the more time he spends with the few people he can call his friends, the more acutely he can feel the way they neatly sidestep topics when they talk -- george will laugh and change the subject, ned will look away, no one will meet his eyes, and it feels like everything has felt in his whole life repeated once again. he's doing it wrong, he's said it wrong, he's wrong he's wrong he's wrong.
he's buried his hands in his pockets to keep them from tapping, and he bites back a flinch every time another body brushes past; it's not normally so busy, but he's been politely shoved out of the office for an early weekend -- "a proper break," mr crozier had insisted -- and the mid-afternoon crush is suffocating. it's like he's never seen so many people in one place.
then over car horns and the beeping alert of the crossing lights, over a hundred thousand feet on pavement, he hears it -- a song he remembers, faintly, from decades ago, as a child, one he pulled from a pile of ancient sheet music and taught himself to play on the detuned stand-up piano his mother kept in the back room, alone for once amid the constant press of family and noise and church.
"'tis the song, the sigh of the weary," comes a pure, sweet baritone, somehow familiar, with a jangle of steel-string guitar close behind. "hard times, hard times, come again no more --"
over the crowd he spots a blond head, and a face he knows, and he almost stumbles --
little tommy hartnell, barely twenty, an island in the mad rush of people, clutching at the neck of a battered guitar, eyes half-closed as beauty falls from his mouth.
john freezes. someone bumps him from behind, and he nearly stumbles, but he's caught in the soft sway of tommy's movement, the way the sun catches in his hair. he looks so much like his brother -- they share the same nose, the same eyes, the same patchy facial hair, and he remembers how tommy had stood, strong, fragile, at the front of the room at the memorial, and how tommy thanked them for their generosity. he'd said something about moving back in with his family, john thinks, because they'd shared a home, and without the income there was no way he could keep the apartment on his own. but their family wasn't here. wasn't supposed to be here. they were -- overseas?
tommy lifts his head, and shakes the long fringe of his hair out of his eyes. john can't look away. he's so much thinner than he was all those months ago. he's playing so beautifully. he sings like honesty, and like truth; slightly rough at the edges, but transcendant all the same. at his feet sits a large, dirty backpack, stuffed full, with a bedroll and coat tied scout-tight to the base.
john thinks suddenly of the empty spare room in his apartment. he thinks of music, and the divine beauty of mathematical frequencies, and the ecstasy of singing. he thinks of the tiny rainbow pin tommy wore to the memorial, and the way john's father shook his head and looked away even on his deathbed when john tried to tell him the truth of himself, and how even in a city this crowded he feels scraped hollow with sick loneliness. he thinks of how he hasn't sat at a piano in nearly five years.
he thinks: he wants to sing again.
#john irving#tom hartnell#wriz writes#THIS LEAPT INTO MY BRAIN FULLY FORMED AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY OR HOW AND NOW I AM SUDDENLY OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTION ABOUT IT????#THIS FEELS LIKE THE OPENING MOMENT FOR A LONGFIC ROMANTIC DRAMA ?????#I DONT KNOW I JUST. AUGH
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I'm feeling a lot of feelings for the Doodler right now.
Like, this incomprehensible being found itself unable to cope with the complexity and weight of human emotions, so it locked those feelings away for its own sake. But now those emotions are coming back all of a sudden - so far in a very violent, unkind way.
After years and years of the gentle numbness of chaos, to have fear and love returned to you without a moment's notice, at the suffering of others... call me normal oak the way i empathize, but it just seems like a lot.
#dndads#dndads spoilers#dungeons and daddies#like it put those feelings away bc it HATED itself#hated the pain it was inflicting and the rejection it could not handle#so it made itself numb#and then loneliness - FEAR - came back suddenly#through pain and death#and now it feels love again; but again because of betrayal and heartbreak#i don't know. it must just be so overwhelming#its got the emotional maturity of a teen!#how can it *handle* this?
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So, I was checking out Rinās page in the Ultra Analysis bookĀ
And I came across THIS:Ā
I am absolutely reeling at how cute this interaction is??? š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗš„ŗĀ
I can just imagine the context of how it might have happenedā¦Ā
Rin is in line at a hero meet and greet, tightly clutching an autograph book and wearing his best piece of hero merch, trembling with anticipation as he waits to meet his favorite hero, RyukyuĀ
On the outside, he keeps his usual composure (or most of it, anyway) but on the inside, his heart pounds harder with every step he takes towards the front of the lineĀ
And finally, he comes face to face with RyukyuĀ
They exchange greetings, Rin muttering a quietĀ āni haoā as he processes that oh my gosh Iām talking to my favorite hero right now-Ā
And after Ryukyu has signed Rinās autograph book and returned it to him, Rin tries to muster up the words to tell her how much he admires her, how much sheās inspired him in his own journey to become a hero, inspired him to wholeheartedly embrace his quirk and push it to its limitsā¦Ā
But all that comes out is:Ā
āYourā¦ your quirk is so cool, maāamā¦ā
Aiyah! What am I, five? That sounded so lame!Ā
He quickly perks up when Ryukyu smiles warmly and thanks him, then asks him about his own quirkĀ
Rinās eyes light up like a Christmas tree, and he quickly goes into detail explaining how his quirk works and his special moves inspired by her, barely able to contain his excitementĀ
āYou can shoot your own scales? Incredible!āĀ
Rinās heart nearly stops- did he hear that right?Ā
This hero that he admires so muchĀ
This powerful hero in the top 10Ā
With the coolest quirk heās ever seen in his lifeĀ
Thinks HIS quirk is incredible??Ā
HIS???Ā
QUIRK????Ā
It takes every last bit of restraint Rin has not to break down in happy tears right then and thereĀ
Instead, he sincerely thanks her, his voice a bit wobbly in spite of himself, and when they pose for a picture together, Rinās smile is bright enough to blind a roomĀ
He leaves the meet and greet walking on air and still smiling brightly, hugging his autograph book close to his chestĀ
Today was a treasured memory that he wonāt be forgetting any time soon
#bnha#my hero academia#hiryu rin#rin hiryu#class 1b#ryukyu#ryuko tatsuma#whew itās been a while since I put up a new headcanon post on here :ā)#oh gosh I got carried away again didnāt I :āD swept up in blorbo emotions lol#i suddenly found myself with a new son recently and I just ššš HE!!!!!#when I saw that page I got so overwhelmed with the cuteness I just HAD to write it#he needs more appreciation and by golly Iām gonna appreciate him XD#and kiddos getting starstruck upon meeting their favorite heroes is just too precious :ā)#i justā¦ my boiļæ½ļæ½
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some illustrations/vibes from my uhh 29k memory trauma/disability focus orufrey fic, into the deep end.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#idk what more i'll draw so i'll just put these here. i think my failing eye qifrey will be with me forever now.#yesterday - i realise this is probably weird - i BURST into tears for ages like hot tears bc i just suddenly was overwhelmed#by oru's feelings rather than qifrey's. i was just in my orufrey mindscape as usual teehee and i just. oru wanted qifrey to be able to look#at him so much suddenly. and realised that can't ever happen again. i could literally cry a lot again now. i wrote oru trying so hard#to focus on the good qifrey can still have from living and i felt bad and HE felt bad in that moment for being SO sad about it#but until then i/he hadn't processed the truly painful parts of disability that you can't deny. sometimes it hurts so bad and it's unfair#the thing is i do feel that shirahama is leading up to this. disability is so central to witch hat and as for qifrey's narrative...#mm. i can't really believe the powerful and desperate emotions orufrey give me lol anyyyyywwaaayyyyy read my fic haha#i want more ppl to read it and tell me they enjoyed it..but you can't beg for such a thing. no matter what orufrey is..god they are so much#i am so glad from the bottom of my heart that i encountered this manga.#the first drawing is meant to express the feeling of pain coming from one place in your body. and feeling like a conduit#*oru voice* You are a human being.
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i feel so pathetic the whole day im beginning to realize i need aftercare after dates. my fucking god!!!!!!!
#šļø#im the same with everything i ever do if im fucking one person after another i feel like shit for 5 minutes and then im having sex with#someone new and its fine.#same with dating. i feel empty for the one afternoon im free and then suddenly im on a date with someone new and its all good#but now. im just. overwhelmed with emotions. and my life seems so meaningless. cause im not out kissing and drinking every night.#and now i need reassurance that yes the date was good yes he wants to see me again. BUT WHAT IF HE DOESNT!!!!!!!! but i know he does.#but what if he doesnt. and im just sitting here going insane.#š¦
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any other aspd havers have exceptions and then freak the fuck out because someone having exception status means. yknow. theyre an EXCEPTION to your usual symptoms ergo you have all these emotions youre not used to. like why the fuck am i suddenly feeling remorse. i have to deal with everyone calling me evil, and in return i dont have to feel objectively the worst emotion!!!! THAT WAS THE DEAL
#actuallyaspd#and yes it straight up only works correctly for ONE PERSON#why am i suddenly feeling actual emotional.empathy. i hate this get it off#FR THO ALL JOKES ASIDE is IS incredibly hard to deal with#on account of i just dont FEEL these emotions usually? so i dont know how to cope with them at all#so its really overwhelming
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songbird's season of general sadness/first real grief/sorrow is coming to an end: (in chronological/journeying order) songs and poetry that helped my heart a lot these past few months :)
Always Good, Andrew Peterson / Marjorie, Andrew Osenga / Ask Polly article I read on a whim: 'My Boyfriend Refuses to Change' / You're On Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift / One Foot in Front of the Other, Griff / Heavy, Mary Oliver / Monday by @madamescarlette / The Letter, Linda Gregg / Summer's Retrospective by @madamescarlette / Ode to Some Lyric Poets, Gregory Orr
(bonus--from the scraps of writing that came out of this chapter of life, which are slowly being assembled into a more coherent story:)
#yknow i felt so alone at so many points but i really really wasn't#i had such good friends (here and in my church community) who held my hand so gently#and God used the things i understood best to show me His incredible love at just the right moments#still an ongoing journey but i am so so grateful for the secondhand heart-strength given to me and the tenderness that was extended when i#when i was really at my lowest and saddest and most oversensitive and easily provoked to impatience or anger or depressive spirals#anyway i can't remember who sent me marjorie but thank you so much for that it was such a comfort. it continues to be#and thank you eden for sharing your beautiful poetry!!!! it continues to refresh and encourage my soul#mmmm it's hard to put into words what everything (and by everything i mean: the songs here and on my playlists#and the poetry here and the books i've read during the summer and into the autumn#from cyrano de bergerac to tolstoy to rilke's poems and dorothy sayers and dostoevsky and st therese & st teresa and madeleine l'engle#not to mention the night walks and morning prayers and the wonderful times i've had with the other dorm girls!#suddenly quite overwhelmed by the abundance of love and blessing#immensely immensely grateful for everything. i can be such a little wretch sometimes and wallow awfully for days#or act like a little human machine and try to Rid Myself of all emotional surges. or just focus on all the negative things with astonishing#tunnel vision (you wouldn't BELIEVE). but God has been so gracious despite songbird being a silly goose#and every once in a while having mental breakdowns and having to learn the same lesson (surrender and humility) a bajillion times#anyway!! my heart doesn't hurt anymore!!#and i am learning to take it one day at a time and to Rejoice in all circumstances#slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21#which really is so much harder than i thought at times!!!! but that makes it even more important to do so i think
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